Pod Insights Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast Soda for Breakfast!? w/ Stavros Halkias About this episode Are You Garbage presents comedian and podcast host Stavros Halkias! You know Stavvy from stand up comedy, Stavvy's World, This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von, Hot Ones, So True with Caleb Hearon, Bad Friends, The Tim Dillon Show, Soder Podcast, Your Mom's House, Mythical Kitchen and so much more! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show!
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Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test.
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Transcript 14,756 words · 6 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 H. Foley? Hey gang, we have a big celebration this weekend in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, our hometown. We want to say thank you and we love you.
0:07 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's our biggest show we've ever done. It's going to be at the Met in Philadelphia. Tickets still available at areyougarbage.com. Grab the homies, grab the bozos, we love you.
0:16 Speaker 02 Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
0:35 H. Foley? Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?
0:41 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
0:41 H. Foley? It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that if they're good to be classy.
0:45 Speaker 01 Yeah.
0:46 H. Foley? But they're just a big old piece of trash.
0:47 Speaker 01 Trash, trash, trash.
0:48 H. Foley? I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tootie's in the new addition. She just ran off to hot yoga. Wearing jeans.
0:57 Speaker 01 Good for her.
0:58 H. Foley? To go to yoga.
0:59 Speaker 01 I got you.
1:00 H. Foley? Whoa, that's not what people wear for yoga. Holy. That's the joke.
1:05 Speaker 01 I don't think it is.
1:05 H. Foley? Nothing on that? My co-host is coming at you very judgmentally right next to me. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage? He's the international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world and I love him. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
1:18 Speaker 01 Well, what up, gang? Shout out to you as always. Make sure you review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also, full video available over there on Spotify, baby.
1:25 H. Foley? Hey, Don, in the charts.
1:26 Speaker 01 And then, obviously, the greatest website of all time. Don't got to tell nobody in this room. WWW.PATRIOT.COM/areyougarbage. You go over there, you get all that bonus content, gang. And then this Saturday, we're at the frickin' Met in Philadelphia.
1:36 H. Foley? Come see the boys.
1:38 Speaker 01 Come hang with the boys. It's a Philly celebration.
1:40 H. Foley? Back on the block, baby. And gang, we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly special guest back with us again today. He's our brother from another mother.
1:48 Speaker 01 That's right.
1:48 H. Foley? The pride of Baltimore.
1:50 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:50 H. Foley? The host of Stavi's World, one of the stars of the hit film Begonia.
1:54 Speaker 01 That's right.
1:54 H. Foley? Kids working, kids Hollywood. One of the stars.
1:59 Speaker 01 Quote, unquote.
2:01 H. Foley? Well, my mother saw it, she audibly yelled in the theater, "My son knows that guy." She was thrown out immediately.
2:08 H. Foley? He's gonna be up in Boston this weekend doing four shows.
2:10 Speaker 03 They weren't showing that film wherever the fuck you have movie theaters. They were showing fucking Zootopia on eight screens.
2:15 Speaker 01 No, she was at a European, she was at a European film festival.
2:19 H. Foley? She was at Cannes with you.
2:22 Speaker 03 They're re-showing every Fast and the Furious movie at whatever fucking theater.
2:24 Speaker 01 She's camped out.
2:26 H. Foley? My mom got caught bootlegging at the Venice Film Festival.
2:30 Speaker 03 That's the only reason, your mom's at a fucking arthouse movie. It's fucking got a camcorder like this.
2:36 Speaker 03 A camcorder under a trench coat.
2:37 H. Foley? Coughing.
2:39 Speaker 01 Just shoot the thing so I can get it out on the streets.
2:42 H. Foley? He's gonna be up at the Wilbur in Boston this weekend, doing four shows.
2:46 Speaker 03 That's right.
2:46 H. Foley? He's gonna be hitting the road hard, January and February.
2:49 Speaker 03 That's right.
2:50 H. Foley? Get your tickets.
2:51 Speaker 03 Stavie Dot Biz, we're going all over the place, Florida, the Midwest, whatever, put it up.
2:56 Speaker 01 That's all over the place, gang.
2:57 Speaker 03 Florida, the Midwest, where the fuck else were we going?
3:00 Speaker 01 Run it. Hey, new guy Luke, run the thing.
3:03 H. Foley? Ladies and gentlemen, the pride of Baltimore.
3:04 Speaker 03 Oh, Radio City, that's the big one.
3:05 H. Foley? Whoa, what the fuck, you didn't tell us that?
3:08 Speaker 03 Radio City in March.
3:09 H. Foley? What?
3:09 Speaker 03 Let's move some tickets. We'll be fine. I didn't, I didn't bite off more than I could chew, that's for sure.
3:14 H. Foley? Nah, it's gonna be great.
3:15 Speaker 01 Neither did we, that's the Met in Philadelphia this weekend. The whole industry's down.
3:20 H. Foley? You're doing radios. Ladies and gentlemen, the pride of Baltimore, Stavros Kalkas.
3:25 Speaker 03 Thank you, great to be back, fellas.
3:26 Speaker 01 Thank you for coming.
3:27 Speaker 03 Great to be back. My favorite podcast to do.
3:31 H. Foley? Bit of a bone to pick with you.
3:32 Speaker 03 Oh, please.
3:33 Speaker 01 Oh god, okay. A big one, the bigger one's going down.
3:36 H. Foley? I keep coughing up food, I keep, is it asphyxiated, what's it called? Where you asphyxiate, where food goes down the, the windpipe?
3:44 Speaker 03 Asphyxiate.
3:44 H. Foley? You never had that?
3:45 Speaker 03 That's just choking. Asphyxiation is choke, is a set in for choking.
3:49 H. Foley? Assimilation?
3:49 Speaker 03 Nope.
3:51 H. Foley? Asterix. I keep getting little pieces of food go down my windpipe and I cough it up. Everybody looks at me like I'm fucking nuts.
3:57 Speaker 03 I love how you're like, there's some medical explanation, not, you're eating too fucking fast.
4:05 Speaker 01 Aspiration.
4:06 H. Foley? Aspiration.
4:07 Speaker 03 Is that right?
4:08 H. Foley? I aspire to not choke on my own food.
4:11 Speaker 01 One day, hopefully.
4:14 Speaker 03 You know what? That is a better goal for you than the Met.
4:19 Speaker 03 Don't choke on a hoagie.
4:21 H. Foley? Get out of this chair and walk again. Listen, I didn't tell Kippy that rude comment that you threw at me in the text message, but he's gonna be very upset about this.
4:29 Speaker 03 Oh, please.
4:30 Speaker 01 Well, I...
4:31 Speaker 03 Let's get, you know what?
4:31 Speaker 01 The Palm.
4:32 Speaker 03 Let's get back in here. I'd love for this conversation to span two separate podcasts.
4:36 Speaker 01 That went pretty, I mean, that was very divisive.
4:39 Speaker 03 Yes.
4:39 Speaker 01 That was very divisive.
4:41 Speaker 03 No, it wasn't.
4:41 Speaker 01 Yeah, it was. We almost got a deal with the Philadelphia airport. They wanted a couple of hot guys to come in and talk about showing up early and getting meals.
4:49 H. Foley? Yes.
4:51 Speaker 03 I scuttled that for you?
4:52 Speaker 01 You did. You did. You screwed us.
4:54 H. Foley? It cost us $1,500 in chicken Pete's money.
4:58 Speaker 01 That's good for food or the arcade game.
5:02 H. Foley? Anyway.
5:03 Speaker 03 Yes.
5:04 H. Foley? Tony, it's in there.
5:07 Speaker 03 What do we have for lunch? Oh, man, that's brutal.
5:09 H. Foley? I had a niaboo.
5:10 Speaker 03 A niaboo.
5:10 H. Foley? With some harissa, which I can't do the hot stuff.
5:13 Speaker 03 Again, that's...
5:14 H. Foley? I gotta pay it hard. It's bad enough.
5:21 H. Foley? God damn it.
5:22 Speaker 03 Jesus fucking Christ.
5:23 H. Foley? It's bad enough you give a shit about going to the Palm to go gun...
5:26 Speaker 03 Of course.
5:27 H. Foley? What Stavros wrote, you giving a shit that we go to the airport early to break?
5:30 Speaker 03 It's insane. And by the way, I do, you caught me so off guard that I didn't have my actual answer to what I used to do.
5:36 Speaker 01 Is this why Aldous is sitting in on this?
5:37 Speaker 03 Yeah.
5:38 Speaker 01 He pulls out legal pads.
5:39 Speaker 03 Aldous is here with a separate recording device, just in case you try and doctor this conversation in your favor.
5:44 Speaker 01 Gary Vee did that, by the way. Gary Vee came in and recorded it on his own, and now he's releasing clips without us.
5:51 Speaker 01 We're not miked, and we're just fuzzy, like muted voices.
5:56 H. Foley? I'd say become a millionaire right there.
5:57 Speaker 03 That's all about the grindset, stealing content you're on.
6:01 H. Foley? For sure.
6:01 Speaker 03 Stealing content you agreed to do.
6:03 H. Foley? I think he changed the background. It's just like flames behind him, too.
6:08 H. Foley? God love him.
6:08 Speaker 03 Fuck, respect, dude. That's insane.
6:10 H. Foley? When we were heading down to Charlotte last week, I sent, we got to the Palm as gentlemen as we do. We ordered our breakfast.
6:16 Speaker 03 Charlotte, a four, what, an hour, 40 minute flight?
6:19 Speaker 01 You gotta have your strength.
6:20 H. Foley? First class, baby.
6:22 Speaker 01 Yeah, first class.
6:23 H. Foley? We bumped everybody up.
6:24 Speaker 01 Flew the whole team down first class. There was no one in the back.
6:27 Speaker 03 Yeah.
6:28 H. Foley? No movies, nothing like that. It was brutal.
6:32 H. Foley? So I sent Stavvy a picture. He gets back to me and he says, "Are you dirtbags all drinking Diet Coke?"
6:37 Speaker 03 What? What was that, 9 a.m. You're drinking Diet Coke?
6:40 Speaker 01 Yeah, 9 a.m.
6:41 Speaker 03 What the fuck is wrong with you?
6:42 Speaker 01 I listen to-
6:42 H. Foley? You're a Greek kid. You don't like having a Diet Coke-
6:45 Speaker 03 It's the morning, you fucking piece of- have coffee. The ones-
6:47 H. Foley? We had coffee.
6:48 Speaker 01 You gotta get the holy trinity. You gotta get a water, a Diet Coke, but there they serve Pepsi. Shout out to the palm, Pepsi's product. And then, and then a large black coffee.
6:57 Speaker 03 Wow.
6:58 Speaker 01 I do all three. Anytime I go to breakfast, I'll-
6:59 Speaker 03 A black coffee?
7:00 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
7:01 Speaker 03 Even though you're having an indulgent breakfast, you won't throw a little cream in there?
7:04 Speaker 01 It's not too indulgent. Now that goes right to your hips.
7:05 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah.
7:06 H. Foley? I do a splash of cream. You do a splash of cream in your coffee?
7:08 Speaker 03 If I'm having- I, I like to start my day with a black coffee. And it kinda like, you know, I can fucking just, I, I don't, I'm trying not to eat. I'm just, you know, fat guys are desperate when they trying you diet every fucking four, you're like, maybe fasting is the one.
7:21 H. Foley? Yeah.
7:21 Speaker 03 So I'm kind of on that right now.
7:22 Speaker 01 I've done-
7:23 Speaker 03 Soon I'll be low carb. Once this does, once this fails, I'll cycle to low carb. But currently I'm on fasting, so I have a little black coffee and I, you know-
7:29 Speaker 01 I've changed mid-meal, where I've gone- I've gone, I'm-
7:33 H. Foley? All carbs.
7:34 Speaker 01 I go, I'm doing paleo. And then I'll do a little toast and I'll go, "You know what? We'll do intermittent today." I'll eat for the next day out.
7:42 Speaker 03 This is now my fasting window. Yeah.
7:43 H. Foley? I'm so glad you brought that up. Put a pin in toast for a second. I gotta, I gotta, I gotta big fucking beef with toast.
7:49 Speaker 03 Uh-oh. Wow.
7:51 H. Foley? You're a Greek kid. You like a diner. You like a breakfast. You don't like a diet, so, the Diet Pepsi?
7:57 Speaker 03 For breakfast?
7:58 Speaker 01 It's crazy. It's crazy. It's refreshing. It's crazy.
8:00 Speaker 03 No, it's not.
8:00 H. Foley? You get the caffeine, you quench your thirst, it's refreshing.
8:03 Speaker 03 You have coffee.
8:04 H. Foley? And the palm does a Diet Pepsi.
8:05 Speaker 03 Eggs? You're washing down fucking scrambled eggs with Diet Coke? The fuck is wrong with you?
8:09 H. Foley? I had an omelet, sir.
8:10 Speaker 03 Okay, alright.
8:11 Speaker 01 Hey, that's not scrambled eggs.
8:13 H. Foley? I did a mushroom cheddar.
8:14 Speaker 03 It comes, you cough it up full?
8:17 Speaker 01 It's the lens.
8:18 H. Foley? It's gotta split down like that Japanese omelet. Opens up, sucks my face.
8:23 Speaker 03 Um, disgusting. It's fucking disgusting.
8:26 Speaker 01 I don't disagree.
8:26 Speaker 03 You're having breakfast, have a fucking coffee. Everything you guys are doing is against the laws of nature here. With the like, with the-
8:33 Speaker 01 That's the AYG way, gang.
8:35 Speaker 03 With the airport breakfast. I mean, again, unnatural to plan-
8:38 Speaker 01 Well, I didn't put the restaurant there. I hate that. I hate that, where you go- There's, sir, every place there serves breakfast. PF Chang serves breakfast.
8:45 Speaker 03 Right, right, right.
8:45 Speaker 01 This is an unnatural-
8:46 Speaker 03 You know what?
8:47 H. Foley? This is a both natural thing. They don't, they don't serve breakfast.
8:49 Speaker 03 You know what, here's what I'll say.
8:49 Speaker 01 Shut up.
8:50 Speaker 03 I would rather, I would rather you go, cause that's the one piece of- What interesting happens at breakfast at an airport is, yeah, what the fuck does PF Chang serve for breakfast?
9:00 H. Foley? They serve-
9:01 Speaker 03 What does the cheesesteak place serve for breakfast?
9:03 H. Foley? They saute what they serve, cause we've had breakfast at PF Chang's. They serve orange chicken.
9:09 Speaker 01 With a side of hash-
9:10 H. Foley? Am I right? Didn't we eat breakfast in that wa-
9:12 Speaker 01 It's like a modified, it's a little bit of, it's a little bit of breakfast.
9:15 H. Foley? There's no eggs.
9:16 Speaker 01 Mostly lunch.
9:16 H. Foley? You're not getting granola, I can tell you that.
9:18 Speaker 03 No eggs, that's fine. Look, I, I'm, I'm interested in some kind of like, yeah. I'll take some fuck, uh, an omelet with some fucking Beijing beef or whatever the fuck they have. That's it. Give me whatever the fuck they got. Like, I, I stopped at a, I was at a, at an airport and I had some kind of weird breakfast hoagie at a cheesesteak place. That was great. You know what I mean? Now, I am, I am having-
9:37 H. Foley? Stobby's got what I got now.
9:38 Speaker 03 That's in a, I've caught it. It's airborne.
9:40 Speaker 01 It's gonna transfer to me now. Oh my god, I've caught fat ass. Lock the doors.
9:45 Speaker 03 Sympathetic fat guy burps.
9:47 H. Foley? Cough of a breakfast hoagie?
9:49 Speaker 03 Oh, there it is.
9:49 Speaker 01 It's like when someone yawns, you get it?
9:53 Speaker 03 Fat guys do that with burps and diarrhea.
9:55 Speaker 01 I got gird.
9:57 H. Foley? We cycle up like two women when they get their diarrhea together?
10:00 Speaker 03 Yeah.
10:01 H. Foley? Man, I got heartburn real bad.
10:02 Speaker 03 The fat guy's cycle is just diarrhea. Yeah.
10:05 H. Foley? We're going up to each other privately like, "Do you have a Nexium on you?" "Of course I do, I keep one in my purse."
10:11 Speaker 01 Do you have any Preparation H? Shaw, be in the bathroom.
10:14 Speaker 03 Do you have the to-go wipes?
10:15 Speaker 01 The tux?
10:16 H. Foley? I don't get that. I don't get the hemorrhoids.
10:18 Speaker 01 Ah, that's just great.
10:19 H. Foley? You get roids?
10:20 Speaker 03 You're, of all the people on earth, I would be willing to bet-
10:22 H. Foley? No.
10:23 Speaker 03 You would, wow.
10:24 H. Foley? That would freak me out. I don't like them.
10:25 Speaker 03 Really? You've never had hole pain whatsoever?
10:27 H. Foley? No, never had hole-
10:27 Speaker 01 I roll with them pretty much exclusively.
10:29 Speaker 03 Right, right, right. Yeah, well-
10:31 H. Foley? I've had it itchy before.
10:32 Speaker 03 You've had it itchy?
10:33 H. Foley? But I take care of that.
10:33 Speaker 03 Warning sign.
10:34 H. Foley? Homeopathic way.
10:35 Speaker 01 That's a set of worms or you got right there.
10:36 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're probably, that's probably, probably worms. But, I don't, I just think, uh, the coke is cra- like, it's just-
10:42 Speaker 01 I don't disagree.
10:42 Speaker 03 Carbonated before 11 a.m. I can't do.
10:45 H. Foley? A kid from diner culture.
10:47 Speaker 03 I'm just Greek, by the way.
10:49 Speaker 01 You dirty diner guys.
10:51 Speaker 03 Diner culture. That's the, that's what.
10:53 H. Foley? Like you were born in a bus straight?
10:54 Speaker 03 People, not ancient Greece, not the Olympics. He says he's just diner culture and you're not wrong.
11:00 H. Foley? I don't give you credit for the Parthenon, what are you talking about?
11:05 Speaker 03 Uh, no, I don't think Coke, I don't think Coke with breakfast is fucking, is the way to go. That's ridiculous.
11:10 H. Foley? I'll give you.
11:10 Speaker 03 And by the way, here's what you do, and I thought about this, cause I was like, what did I? I'm not, I don't wanna sit here and put on airs, pretend I'm better than these fucking pieces of shit.
11:19 Speaker 01 What?
11:19 Speaker 03 That I haven't been at my lower than you are now. What, when I was in the grips of food addiction? What would I do? And this is exactly what I would do. I would go to a sandwich shop in Astoria, get a hoagie to go, put it in my bag.
11:35 Speaker 01 You rat fink.
11:36 Speaker 03 And eat that.
11:37 Speaker 01 Yeah.
11:37 Speaker 03 Cause that's a good fucking breakfast, that's an actually good breakfast.
11:40 Speaker 01 That's trashier and fatter than anything.
11:42 H. Foley? Take it back to the house?
11:42 Speaker 01 No, take it to the airport.
11:43 Speaker 03 To the airport, on my wedding airport.
11:45 Speaker 01 He's putting that shit through the security.
11:46 Speaker 03 I'm, I got my fucking, I got my carry on rolling, I got the wheels touching, touching plain fucking sidewalk.
11:52 Speaker 01 You got the hoagie in a stainless steel fucking.
11:53 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah. The nuclear football, yeah, yeah, I have a hand up to myself. And what I would do very oftentimes, eat half, right there, then and there.
12:03 Speaker 01 At the deli?
12:04 Speaker 03 At wherever, deli, on, you know, maybe it's a nice day, maybe I sit on a park bench. I'm taking in the sights and the sounds.
12:10 H. Foley? Before you go to the airport?
12:11 Speaker 03 Yes. If it's, if it's like a, if it's like a 1pm flight, well, would I rather spend it in fucking, at the Palm? Or would I rather have an actual good fucking meal?
12:19 H. Foley? How much of a CIA meetup does that look like? You sitting there eating a hoagie with luggage next to you? Is some guy in a, in a trench coat and a hat sitting next to you?
12:27 Speaker 03 Opens up a newspaper, he's like, is that pastrami? How much, is that garlic mayo or regular mayo?
12:33 H. Foley? There's an X on your suitcase? Is that a Sal Christian Charlie's that you're, that you're talking about?
12:37 Speaker 03 I would go to, um, uh, fuck, what's the place where I bought, the place, uh?
12:42 H. Foley? The Italian joint?
12:43 Speaker 03 Yes.
12:43 H. Foley? That Timmy D likes?
12:44 Speaker 03 On, yes, yes, yes.
12:45 H. Foley? Cerisos. Cerisos.
12:47 Speaker 03 Great stuff, ceri, shout out to cerisos. They have a wonderful, they have a wonderful breakfast. They put a little, specific potato in the thing, great stuff.
12:55 H. Foley? So let me ask you this, you're eating on the park bench?
12:57 Speaker 03 That's crazy, but fucking, planning to. Eat at a shitty overpriced restaurant, that's not true.
13:01 H. Foley? Are you, hold on, are you sitting in a random?
13:03 Speaker 01 There's nothing fatter to me than having your food x-rayed so you can eat it. That's fucking insane. And that's not just you, that's anybody.
13:10 Speaker 03 I have.
13:11 Speaker 01 You're going, run this, I'm so fat. I gotta eat this over there, run this through security.
13:17 H. Foley? You put it in the x-ray machine?
13:18 Speaker 01 They have to.
13:19 H. Foley? It turns the turkey into ham.
13:20 Speaker 03 Bacon with x-rays on it.
13:22 Speaker 01 That's crazy.
13:23 Speaker 03 I have ingested x-ray, that's a great point.
13:24 Speaker 01 You're in the woo woo machine?
13:28 Speaker 03 Yeah, in my hoodie pocket is a full sub, like, what's this, sir, we're gonna have to pat you down?
13:33 Speaker 01 That's crazy to me.
13:34 Speaker 03 To me, listen, but no, we're both being fat and indulgent.
13:38 Speaker 01 A hundred percent.
13:38 Speaker 03 I'm at least having a high-quality meal when I'm doing it.
13:40 Speaker 01 See, this is where I gotta push back, you're shitting on the palm.
13:43 Speaker 03 You are out of your fucking mind.
13:44 H. Foley? I'll tell you the one thing I have a beef with the palm with.
13:46 Speaker 03 Please, here we go.
13:47 H. Foley? And I want all you upscale breakfast spots.
13:51 Speaker 03 Yeah.
13:51 H. Foley? To take warning on this, okay?
13:54 Speaker 03 Fucking airport, he keeps talking about an airport restaurant is upscale, it's fucking insane.
13:57 Speaker 01 Is the palm upscale or not upscale?
13:58 Speaker 03 Not in the airport it's not. Is the fucking, what if it was, are the restaurants at Disney World upscale?
14:03 Speaker 01 Yeah, that STK, yes. Dude, go in there, go in there with a family of four, you're spending twelve hundred.
14:09 Speaker 03 As soon as it left my mouth, I knew I made a mistake.
14:10 H. Foley? Say what you want, but you go to Goofy's, you get a nice steak up lob.
14:13 Speaker 01 Pull up, pull up STK Downtown Disney. You wanna see me turn out?
14:18 H. Foley? What are you talking about? We got banged out in there for like a thousand bucks.
14:22 Speaker 03 You ate at the fucking steak restaurant at Disney?
14:24 Speaker 01 STK.
14:25 H. Foley? It's off campus.
14:27 Speaker 01 It's Downtown Disney, right?
14:29 H. Foley? Downtown Orlando.
14:31 Speaker 01 No, it's downtown, it's in Disney, it's on Disney property.
14:34 Speaker 03 You're fucking idiots. You're so fucking stupid. If you leave and go to a different steakhouse in Orlando, the meal costs half as much and is twice as good.
14:42 H. Foley? Wait, is he talking to us?
14:44 Speaker 01 I don't know.
14:44 H. Foley? Rude, invite you to have a nice night.
14:46 Speaker 04 I just gotta say, four point seven stars, thirty-two thousand reviews.
14:50 Speaker 03 Yeah, cuz it's fucking mouth-breathing Disney fans that go there.
14:53 Speaker 01 What the fuck am I?
14:54 Speaker 03 Yeah, exactly.
14:55 H. Foley? You don't like Space Mountain? You don't like Space Mountain?
14:57 Speaker 01 Buddy, I'm going, I'm going to Orlando in two weeks with my family, you're nuts if you think we're not going to STK and everyone's gonna be dressed the fuck up and we're gonna complain about how much.
15:05 H. Foley? I guarantee there's a picture of you as a little kid with the fucking ears on.
15:07 Speaker 03 No, there's.
15:08 H. Foley? There's gotta be.
15:09 Speaker 03 No, I wanted to go. We were too poor to go, but that's the, you know, that's part of it. I am, but also just go to a, anytime you go to a restaurant in a complex, it's worse and more expensive. That is fact. We can't argue that. There are an STK outside of Disney or an airport, a Palm outside of an airport is better. We can at least start there, right? You won't fucking sit here and look me in the eyes and tell me that they're of equivalent, of equivalent status. A restaurant outside of an airport or amusement park.
15:39 Speaker 01 We'll be right back.
15:41 H. Foley? We turned your mic off five minutes ago.
15:44 Speaker 03 You will at least give me that.
15:46 Speaker 01 I'll.
15:46 Speaker 03 You will, you will give me that.
15:48 Speaker 01 I'll entertain the idea.
15:49 Speaker 03 Oh, you'll entertain it. You will not, that has to be entered into fat.
15:53 Speaker 01 I'll give you that. I'll give you that. Listen.
15:54 Speaker 03 In the fat record.
15:55 Speaker 01 It's well, it's well.
15:56 Speaker 03 I want the stenographer to fucking write that down.
15:58 Speaker 01 It's well documented. I call balls and strikes. I'm an honest man.
16:01 H. Foley? Elvis is asleep. What are you talking about?
16:02 Speaker 03 Not Elvis.
16:02 Speaker 01 That is true.
16:03 H. Foley? Can I, can I point out something that's gonna bring us together?
16:05 Speaker 03 Sure.
16:06 H. Foley? Okay.
16:06 Speaker 03 Oh, no, no, no. Nice try. I need you on the record. Is a restaurant outside of an airport or amusement park?
16:13 Speaker 01 He's not gonna give you this.
16:14 Speaker 03 Better, is it the same quality or better than a restaurant inside of an amusement park?
16:20 Speaker 01 Do that thing where you lie to everybody.
16:23 H. Foley? Can you repeat the question?
16:23 Speaker 03 Are they, is a restaurant better outside of an airport or amusement park?
16:27 H. Foley? The same restaurant?
16:27 Speaker 03 The same.
16:28 H. Foley? Like, for example, the Palm. Am I gonna get the same meal, dinner?
16:32 Speaker 03 The same quality meal.
16:34 H. Foley? At the Palm.
16:34 Speaker 03 At the Palm on whatever, isn't there one downtown or something over here?
16:38 H. Foley? It's over there.
16:38 Speaker 03 One downtown here in Manhattan.
16:40 H. Foley? Mm-hmm.
16:40 Speaker 03 Is that the same quality as the one in JFK?
16:44 H. Foley? John F. Kennedy Airport.
16:45 Speaker 03 Yes.
16:46 H. Foley? Which I believe is an international airport.
16:48 Speaker 03 It is an international airport.
16:49 H. Foley? Elvis, am I right on that? For the record, Elvis is not a yes.
16:53 Speaker 03 Listen, I'll give you that. It is an international airport.
16:55 H. Foley? It's an international airport.
16:56 Speaker 03 I'm answering your question.
16:57 H. Foley? One of the busiest, largest airports in the world.
17:00 Speaker 01 Eight terminals.
17:00 H. Foley? That millions of people travel all around the world.
17:03 Speaker 03 Right. Yes. Is the restaurant there as good as the one outside of an airport?
17:09 Speaker 01 I've never been to the other one, I can't comment.
17:11 H. Foley? Now, when you say outside of an airport-
17:13 Speaker 01 He has palm written down twice here.
17:15 H. Foley? Hey, give my notes away. He don't know that.
17:18 Speaker 03 You were about to agree with me. You were saying balls and strikes.
17:20 Speaker 01 Listen, I gotta agree with you. I have to agree with you.
17:22 Speaker 03 Let's just, let's just live in a world of truth.
17:25 Speaker 01 I'll agree on that, but if you think-
17:26 H. Foley? I've never had dinner at the Palm at JFK, so I can't really comment, to be quite honest with you.
17:31 Speaker 03 Really?
17:31 H. Foley? No, I've not.
17:33 Speaker 03 Any-
17:33 Speaker 01 We did land that one time and grab steaks.
17:36 H. Foley? No, we didn't.
17:36 Speaker 01 No, I'm kidding.
17:39 H. Foley? There's a hot bartender.
17:41 Speaker 01 Good-looking guy.
17:42 Speaker 03 Alright, what I look, thank you, Kevin, at least you're fucking with me here. You can at least admit-
17:47 H. Foley? Yeah, flip-flopper? You gonna get me in the whip?
17:50 Speaker 03 He just lives in reality, Foley. But anyway, I just- I need you guys, I needed that on the record.
17:55 H. Foley? Do they have a palm there?
17:55 Speaker 03 Yeah, they do.
17:56 Speaker 01 If you admit that X-Rain half a ho- half a hoagie is crazy.
17:59 H. Foley? I need a hoagie on a park bench like a weirdo is.
18:02 Speaker 03 Okay, the park bench, no. The park's a beautiful thing to do.
18:05 Speaker 01 No, not when you have shit to do that day.
18:08 H. Foley? Yeah, you're on your way to the airport-
18:09 Speaker 01 You're carrying love.
18:10 Speaker 03 How about setting a fucking, uh, how about setting a fucking alarm three hours early so you can eat at the fucking Palm, you idiots? Mine's right outside my fucking door, I don't go through security to eat there. Sure, is X-Rain fucking stupid? Yes. But is what you're doing more stupid than that?
18:23 Speaker 01 No.
18:24 Speaker 03 Yes! Yes, it fucking is!
18:26 H. Foley? Eat the sandwich on a park bench? What are you, Paddington Bear?
18:29 Speaker 03 Yeah, I'm out. What's so fucking wrong having a whimsical little fucking morning? That's how I like to start my day. You're fucking rushing, you're fucking checking, you're like, oh, are we gonna have enough time for fuck-
18:38 H. Foley? We don't rush, I leave at 6 o'clock to beat the traffic.
18:41 Speaker 01 I did do that on my way to Charlotte, cuz I live very far from JFK.
18:45 Speaker 03 Are you out of your fucking minds?
18:47 Speaker 01 And I got there, I got there an hour before we were supposed to meet.
18:49 Speaker 03 Oh my god.
18:50 Speaker 01 So I went to the Amex Lounge, hung out in there, did a little peruse and a coffee, maybe a croissant. Waited, then we hit the Palm.
18:56 Speaker 03 Pre-game for the Palm.
18:57 H. Foley? Listen, Kevin, let's talk about Lucy.
18:59 Speaker 01 Shout out to Lucy, gang.
19:00 H. Foley? Gang, we're talking about number one in your hearts, Lucy. Talking about Lucy Breakers, 100% pure nicotine, always tobacco-free. Lucy Breakers are nicotine pouches with a little extra surprise. Each pouch holds a capsule that can be broken open to release extra flavor, and here's the caper, little extra hydration, which is- Important when you're taking your nicotine, send yourself over to the subscription and have Lucy delivered straight to your door.
19:24 Speaker 01 Yeah, Lucy's one of the, uh, one of the companies when they send the package to the old studio, the boys are claiming they're
19:32 H. Foley? Snipping at it.
19:33 Speaker 01 I mean, they're, they're, they're, they're, everybody, that's the first box it gets ripped open, everybody, I want this, I want that, give me the breakers.
19:39 H. Foley? Christmas morning.
19:40 Speaker 01 I mean, it's, it's crazy. The boys are loving it. Um, right now, uh, let's level up your nicotine routine with Lucy. Go to lucy.co/garbage. Use the promo code garbage to get 20% off your first order, baby. That's 20% off your first order at lucy.co/garbage. Lucy has a 30-day refund policy if you change them on. Again, one more time, lucy.co. Use the code garbage to get 20% off. And here comes the fine print. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified. Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.
20:14 H. Foley? Okay, we gotta talk about Shopify.
20:17 Speaker 01 Shout out to Shopify.
20:18 H. Foley? Are we a Shopify family?
20:19 Speaker 01 Uh, let me, let me pull up. Yeah, we're a Shopify family.
20:22 H. Foley? Shopify family. So when you buy merch from us at the shows, we're using Shopify.
20:26 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
20:27 H. Foley? And on the website, too?
20:28 Speaker 01 Of course, the web, the website's the main thing.
20:30 H. Foley? That's awesome. I love Shopify. And if you're out there hustling, which we know you are, starting a side business, or your main business, you want to upgrade it, go to Shopify. You want to hear something funny?
20:40 Speaker 01 What's that?
20:41 H. Foley? I was at the snack shop for my niece's swim meet. They only took cash. I was like, you know what you need? You need Shopify.
20:47 Speaker 01 Promo code garbage.
20:48 H. Foley? And some Goldens mustard, okay? Shopify, gang, do yourself a favor. You're starting a new business, you got brick and mortar, get Shopify. It's the best way to enhance your business.
20:58 Speaker 01 Yeah, Shopify's point-of-sale system is a unified command center for all your retail business. It brings together in-store and online operations across up to 1,000 locations, daddy-o. Imagine being able to guarantee that shopping is always convenient. Endless aisles, shipped to customer, buy online, pick up in store, all made simpler so customers can shop how they want. And that's important. Now, you got, customers are shopping how they want, and you got to be able to accommodate that. Um, acquiring new customers is expensive. With Shopify POS, you can keep shoppers coming back with personalized experience and first-party data that gives you Your marketed teams, the competitive edge. 22% better total cost of ownership and equivalent benefits of an 8.9 uplift in sales on average relative to the market set surveyed. Listen, I don't know what that means, but that means something.
21:43 H. Foley? That just blew my mind.
21:44 Speaker 01 Figure that out and get it going, baby. Get all the big stuff for your small business right with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at Shopify.com/garbage. Go to Shopify.com/garbage. One more time, Shopify.com/garbage.
21:56 H. Foley? Do it. I'm gonna bring this all together right now.
21:59 Speaker 01 Okay, go ahead.
21:59 H. Foley? First of all, I just want to say for anybody out there, if you hate the taste of halls, which a lot of people do, this is what you do. You piggyback it with a Ludens and it balances it out.
22:09 Speaker 01 This guy's doing Ludens. Ludens chasers.
22:13 Speaker 01 Fucking snake bite.
22:15 H. Foley? It really balances it out. It gives you like, almost like a strawberry lemon, or cherry lemonade flavor.
22:19 Speaker 03 You can tell how bad Foley wants to do fucking speedballs.
22:21 Speaker 01 Yeah.
22:22 Speaker 03 He's doing, he's creating cough drop speedballs.
22:24 Speaker 01 He's got one on a spoon, he's melting it down.
22:27 H. Foley? I always told myself.
22:28 Speaker 01 You have an alcohol swab and a rubber band by any chance?
22:32 H. Foley? When I found out that was like Belushi's thing.
22:34 Speaker 03 Of course.
22:35 H. Foley? I always told myself that, yeah, that's, I'm definitely gonna try that one. I just never got to it.
22:40 Speaker 03 Yeah, don't.
22:41 H. Foley? There wasn't enough time.
22:41 Speaker 03 Don't.
22:43 Speaker 01 Only if I had.
22:44 H. Foley? Now it's all behind me.
22:45 Speaker 03 Yeah, good for you.
22:46 H. Foley? All you upscale breakfast restaurants out there, unfortunately, including the Palm.
22:54 H. Foley? One slice of toast is not in order.
22:57 Speaker 03 Yes.
22:58 H. Foley? It's two slices of fucking toast.
22:59 Speaker 03 I agree there.
23:00 H. Foley? One slice of toast is not in order.
23:02 Speaker 03 Now, is that, are you saying you order specifically a side of toast, or is that what comes with your meal?
23:07 Speaker 01 Comes with, comes with the, with the American breakfast.
23:09 Speaker 03 Comes with?
23:10 H. Foley? Whoa, what are you doing?
23:11 Speaker 01 Should be two pieces of toast.
23:13 H. Foley? Stavvy!
23:13 Speaker 03 You're at the, that's what you guys get. You want to eat at the upscale fucking Palm. You don't want to eat at a diner where you might get two fucking pieces of toast. You're prisoners of your own making here.
23:22 H. Foley? You go to a diner, you're getting two pieces of toast.
23:24 Speaker 03 That's what I'm saying.
23:25 H. Foley? You have to give it CPR when it gets there, because it's drowning in butter.
23:28 Speaker 03 Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Go where you belong if you want two pieces of toast. Don't eat at the fucking Palm. You get what, you get what you deserve. One piece of toast, I think at upscale, I agree with you.
23:37 H. Foley? You might have a point.
23:38 Speaker 03 Is it right? No.
23:39 H. Foley? No.
23:39 Speaker 03 It's not right.
23:40 Speaker 01 I don't like this whole, I don't like this whole get what you deserve bit, and he's not wrong. Dude, I saw you making that connection and I got so mad.
23:50 H. Foley? Stavvy post-media training is dangerous.
23:51 Speaker 01 Yeah, what the fuck? Bullshit.
23:54 Speaker 03 I'm just saying, fellas, you know, eat at a fucking diner.
23:57 Speaker 01 We do, Bubby's, or whatever, Bubbles.
23:59 H. Foley? I'm gonna Bubby's at LaGuardia.
24:01 Speaker 01 At LaGuardia, the new one.
24:02 H. Foley? Maybe we gotta switch it up, maybe we gotta let go of the pom.
24:04 Speaker 03 Also, how about this, you know what that might be? You're eating at a fucking airport, you fucking idiots, and they don't treat you with baseline human respect, because they know you have to eat there.
24:10 Speaker 01 You can say that about the pom, you don't say that about Bubby's, okay? I'm gonna bite your tongue.
24:14 Speaker 03 Every restaurant in Shinnier is an airport.
24:16 H. Foley? I just coughed something up and I chewed it and put it back down. I'm not sure what it was.
24:20 Speaker 01 It's probably a bottle cap or something.
24:21 Speaker 03 A piece of your esophagus?
24:25 Speaker 03 Your own tonsils?
24:30 H. Foley? Foley, you're missing a Lernix.
24:32 Speaker 03 Lernix?
24:32 H. Foley? It's pronounced Lorax.
24:36 Speaker 03 But listen, I agree with you, and of course, two pieces. Now, if you were to order toast and they give you one piece...
24:42 H. Foley? I'd fucking riot.
24:43 Speaker 03 You should flip the fucking table.
24:45 H. Foley? Yeah, but they do do that. You go to a real nice place, they'll do that. They'll hit you with one, like, you know, 19 multi-grain, thick piece of toast.
24:55 Speaker 03 Now, if it's thick, if it's the thickness of two pieces, I...
24:58 H. Foley? That's why I want two. I cannot do one piece of toast.
25:01 Speaker 01 I will not.
25:02 Speaker 03 Yeah, you can, you probably should.
25:06 H. Foley? My mom gets that.
25:07 Speaker 03 Some might say you should do zero piece of toast, but you don't want to.
25:10 H. Foley? My mom gets this, that 357 toast, what's it called?
25:13 Speaker 03 That's good stuff.
25:14 H. Foley? You know what I'm talking, dude?
25:15 Speaker 03 I do, yeah.
25:15 H. Foley? That stuff.
25:16 Speaker 03 Another fat, another fat staple, hoping diet bread will...
25:20 Speaker 01 There's that German stuff, fitness bread, did you ever bite that?
25:23 H. Foley? You fuck with that?
25:23 Speaker 01 I might as well be running a marathon after that.
25:25 H. Foley? You get that crispy?
25:26 Speaker 03 Mm-hmm, it's not bad.
25:27 H. Foley? That's alright.
25:27 Speaker 03 I just had burger, I had turkey burgers with that, with buns, those 150, whatever the fuck it is.
25:32 Speaker 01 Now, here's the thing I wanted to ask you, I don't know if we ever talked about this.
25:34 H. Foley? 212 bread?
25:35 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, we keep making up numbers, the 814...
25:37 H. Foley? 187 bread?
25:38 Speaker 01 Whatever your cholesterol is. 618 bread.
25:43 H. Foley? My credit score.
25:45 Speaker 01 You mentioned burger, I don't know if we ever got your take on the proper way to eat a burger, if we didn't, let's touch on it again.
25:51 Speaker 03 Please.
25:52 Speaker 01 Are you, are you ever cutting a burger if it doesn't come cut?
25:56 Speaker 03 I am-
25:56 Speaker 01 Standard burger.
25:57 Speaker 03 Standard burger, no.
25:58 Speaker 01 Okay.
25:59 Speaker 03 I would not do that.
26:00 Speaker 01 Now you take your bite?
26:01 Speaker 03 Mm-hmm.
26:02 Speaker 01 How do you put that down? Do you put that down bottom down, or do you invert like that to make sure it's sustained?
26:07 H. Foley? Just something I want you to know, Halkias, we're taking Aldous into the room after this, and we're gonna ask him all these questions when we're not around.
26:13 Speaker 03 Yeah.
26:14 H. Foley? We should, we should even have you in there, listen.
26:16 Speaker 01 All of a sudden, you're spinning this fucking classy guy.
26:19 H. Foley? He eats at the pom-pom?
26:20 Speaker 03 I never said I'm classy. I just said you-
26:22 Speaker 01 You're trying to distance yourself from us, which I do not like.
26:24 Speaker 03 I'm not di- well, first of all, that's your doing. I would love to be, I, you surprise me at the levels of trash you maintain despite getting more successful.
26:33 H. Foley? Him or me?
26:34 Speaker 03 Well-
26:35 H. Foley? You may expect it.
26:36 Speaker 03 I would, I would expect Kevin to try and better himself.
26:39 Speaker 01 I am a little bit.
26:39 Speaker 03 You can't help yourself. You're a fuck, you're just, you-
26:42 H. Foley? He went to the dentist a couple weeks ago.
26:44 Speaker 01 I got it on Groupon.
26:46 Speaker 03 No.
26:46 Speaker 01 Because the last time I was at a dentist was off Groupon.
26:50 Speaker 03 How bad was that cleaning? How red was that?
26:51 Speaker 01 It was tough in there.
26:52 Speaker 03 How much fucking bleeding?
26:53 Speaker 01 Well, they really try to upsell you. You get in there and go, "You need all this," and then, uh-
26:57 Speaker 03 Right, right. When was the last time you went to the dentist?
26:59 Speaker 01 It's probably a long time ago.
27:00 Speaker 03 How many years?
27:04 Speaker 01 Seven?
27:04 Speaker 03 Seven years, and you think they were-
27:05 Speaker 01 Pre, pre-pandemic.
27:06 Speaker 03 You think they were upselling you? You don't think your teeth were in, were in dire need of fucking medical attention? You think they were fucking, what were they trying to upsell you?
27:15 Speaker 01 The guy, the guy, the guy working the front desk, which is always bad, this guy had a fucking mouthful of metal, and I was like, "It looks like you're working off of debt." You know what I mean? He's like, "We have a payment plan." I'm like, "Is that what you're fu-" I'll be working here next week.
27:28 H. Foley? Like, like when Sil got that girl braces and worked at the bottom thing?
27:31 Speaker 03 Yep, yep, yep. Exactly right.
27:33 Speaker 01 Um, how you doing the burger?
27:35 Speaker 03 I don't, I couldn't tell ya. Hump?
27:37 Speaker 01 He's gotta do the noise. Let me get into character.
27:41 H. Foley? It's like an old lady dialing a phone she has to see in front of it?
27:43 Speaker 03 I feel, yeah, I feel like I would try and put it down bottom up.
27:47 Speaker 01 Okay.
27:48 Speaker 03 I don't-
27:48 Speaker 01 Bottom up. Inverted.
27:50 Speaker 03 Oh, I'm sorry.
27:50 Speaker 01 No.
27:50 Speaker 03 I think I just, in my head, but I don't know, I'd have, I had a burger yesterday, I couldn't tell you.
27:54 H. Foley? Did you?
27:55 Speaker 03 Uh huh.
27:55 H. Foley? What'd you have a burger yesterday?
27:56 Speaker 03 Made it myself, turkey burger.
27:58 H. Foley? Oh, you were just saying about that.
27:59 Speaker 03 Mm-hmm, turkey burger with the 187 bread.
28:01 Speaker 01 Now, are they, are they, are they refrigerated, or are they frozen?
28:04 Speaker 03 They are fr- it's like, uh, yeah, I just grilled it.
28:07 H. Foley? Is it that, the pack that has the, um...
28:09 Speaker 03 No, it's, it's meat that I make myself.
28:10 Speaker 01 You make your burgers out of that?
28:11 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah.
28:12 Speaker 01 You buy ground turkey?
28:13 Speaker 03 Ground turkey, little spice blend of my own, you know, ground up, here's how to make it juicy, uh, blend a whole onion, put it in the turkey, like, mix it all together, put a little bit of egg in there, really good stuff.
28:25 H. Foley? Huh, like a turkey loaf.
28:27 Speaker 03 It's nice, yeah, yeah, it gives it a fresh, little juicy, it's nice.
28:30 H. Foley? Oh, good stabby, you cooking a lot?
28:32 Speaker 03 Sometimes you can throw a pepper in there, too, if you wanted to.
28:35 H. Foley? Okay.
28:35 Speaker 01 This guy's high class.
28:37 Speaker 03 Uh, uh, you know, sneak in a vegetable in your burger.
28:40 H. Foley? He won't know.
28:41 Speaker 03 Yeah, I'll, I have to treat myself like a dog eating medicine when it comes to vegetables, I have to blend
28:46 H. Foley? Piece of cheese.
28:46 Speaker 03 peppers into my fucking turkey meat.
28:49 Speaker 01 I love how that's the big, that's the big vegetable.
28:52 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, one pepper amongst 12 fucking burgers.
28:56 Speaker 01 So there's a nutrient dance.
28:57 Speaker 03 I'm eating one 12th of pepper in every burger.
29:00 Speaker 01 Ooh, man! I am full on veggies today.
29:06 Speaker 03 Yes.
29:07 H. Foley? This guy has a pickle once a year, all of a sudden he's Luke Corona.
29:10 Speaker 03 No pickles for me, I'm not a pickle guy.
29:12 H. Foley? Really?
29:12 Speaker 01 I'm right there with you.
29:13 Speaker 03 Not a pickle guy.
29:14 H. Foley? Interesting.
29:15 Speaker 03 Mm-hmm, I like pickled things, I don't like a pickled cucumber.
29:18 H. Foley? Like pickled onions?
29:18 Speaker 03 I'll do pickled onions, for sure.
29:19 H. Foley? Love them.
29:20 Speaker 03 A red onion.
29:20 H. Foley? Love them.
29:21 Speaker 03 Good stuff.
29:21 H. Foley? So good.
29:22 Speaker 03 But I don't know, the classic pickle, not for me.
29:24 H. Foley? I never asked you to, you a coleslaw guy? Mayonnaise coleslaw?
29:28 Speaker 03 No.
29:28 H. Foley? Hmm.
29:29 Speaker 03 Not really.
29:30 H. Foley? Well, thanks for coming in.
29:30 Speaker 03 Yeah. Not really.
29:33 Speaker 01 One of the ones, I don't know if we ever asked you, when was the first time you had, this is a piggyback off a listener's question, when was the first time you had Nutella?
29:39 Speaker 03 Oh, this, I had it early because it was in Greece.
29:43 Speaker 01 European.
29:43 Speaker 03 There was a brand called Merenda that was a Greek-only brand that my grandmother would, a- as she was smuggling in other Greek goods that you're not supposed to bring.
29:52 Speaker 01 Through the x-ray machine.
29:53 Speaker 03 Yeah, through the x-ray.
29:53 Speaker 01 This is generational for you.
29:54 Speaker 03 Maybe I grew up, this is what happened. I was just a child eating fucking x-ray Nutella. You know what I mean? Of course I'm gonna want an x-ray hoagie as a f- you know, the older I get. But no, I, that was like, I, I've, I was more pumped for her to come back with buckets of Merenda than I was to see my grandmother.
30:11 H. Foley? Of course, she would come back, she would with a bunch of stuff.
30:13 Speaker 03 Yeah, oh dude, she'd come, because it was before you could really get everything imported and shit.
30:17 Speaker 01 She's like Karen Hill sneaking into fucking a prison.
30:19 Speaker 03 Essentially, yeah, essentially, she would come twice, she was, she lives in this little, uh, island, all the way up north, in a village up a fucking mountain, so it was like during the winter, an old lady could get fucking, you know, it was dangerous, so she would come here for the, she would, she would winter in Baltimore.
30:34 H. Foley? No kidding?
30:35 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then go back to Greece for...
30:37 H. Foley? You're bitching at us about the palm.
30:38 Speaker 03 Yeah. No, that's what I'm saying, so you have grown past this. You don't have to eat at airports anymore.
30:44 Speaker 01 That's not good.
30:44 H. Foley? Where would she stay? She would stay with you guys?
30:46 Speaker 03 She'd stay with us, we shared a wall. So a lot of my, a lot of my first jacking off, it's like my grandmother's on the other side of the wall. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
30:54 H. Foley? Now I know what you were doing with the Merenda.
30:56 Speaker 03 Yeah, oh no, that was going down the gullet. I wasn't wasting a drop of that stuff.
31:02 Speaker 01 And then, uh, piggyback off that, when was the first ti- this is a good one, this might make it into the cycle, when was the first time you had brie cheese?
31:08 Speaker 03 Wow.
31:09 Speaker 01 Mine was real...
31:10 H. Foley? What, you just see brie cheese this weekend or something?
31:12 Speaker 01 No, this is, this is from Mav, this is a question.
31:15 Speaker 03 I'm gonna guess college. I'm gonna guess college. Um, brie, yeah.
31:22 Speaker 01 That makes sense, I remember the first time I really saw it, and I saw someone like...
31:26 Speaker 03 I guess it's possible somebody brought it at a Thanksgiving or something?
31:29 Speaker 01 I'm sure it was around, but it came on my radar at the Mummers Parade in South Philly, I saw someone eating, and I said, "What the heck is even that?"
31:36 H. Foley? At the Mummers Parade?
31:37 Speaker 03 Yeah, you were put, you were like mid-putting on your blackface, you were like...
31:41 Speaker 01 No, no, no, no, no. I was just there dancing.
31:44 H. Foley? Boursin cheese, huh? That's the commercial?
31:46 Speaker 01 It's a South Philly institution!
31:50 H. Foley? Before you beat up the Puerto Rican kid in the neighborhood. Have a little brie cheese.
31:55 Speaker 03 Uh, yeah, I don't, I don't remember, but, uh, you know, probably, the first time I remember eating it, I was, my true first memory of eating brie is I was like 24.
32:05 H. Foley? I was mid 30s. I remember the first time I had it, I was like, this ain't for me.
32:09 Speaker 03 I like it now.
32:10 H. Foley? I love it now.
32:10 Speaker 03 Yeah, because it's basically a buttery ass cheese.
32:13 H. Foley? Yeah.
32:14 Speaker 01 There was, the first time I, my wife came to visit from Germany, we had met and she came back to visit. I took her to Astoria Beer and Cheese. I don't know, are they still banging?
32:23 H. Foley? Yeah, very.
32:23 Speaker 01 We got like a nice, we each got like a nice IPA. And I, I was trying to, I was trying to act classy. Most of my food up until that point was dollar slice and, you know.
32:32 Speaker 03 Beer and cheese, not even wine and cheese.
32:34 Speaker 01 Yeah, beer and cheese.
32:36 Speaker 03 That's the classiest you could muster.
32:37 Speaker 01 I thought.
32:38 Speaker 03 It's beer and cheese.
32:39 Speaker 01 Yeah, I thought I was so classy, I took a picture and put it on Instagram. I remember.
32:42 Speaker 03 A nice IPA.
32:43 Speaker 01 My family was like, who do you think you are?
32:46 H. Foley? We'll do the Gorgonzola plate and two Crystal Lights, please.
32:51 Speaker 01 I'll do the Kraft single slice.
32:53 Speaker 03 I brought my own cheese. Just the beer for me.
32:57 Speaker 01 It's just shredded.
32:58 Speaker 03 And whatever the lady wants.
33:00 Speaker 01 Well, not even up until and including $20.
33:02 Speaker 03 And whatever the lady orders, whatever type of cheese the lady orders, get the one under it, but the same type.
33:08 Speaker 01 Dude, it was the first time I had proper blue cheese, like, man, I didn't know what it was and I took.
33:14 Speaker 03 Cheese is sick.
33:15 Speaker 01 Big bite, yeah. Man, I, I, and I wanted, I had to, I couldn't puss out.
33:20 Speaker 03 Of course.
33:21 Speaker 01 But I was like talking with it in my mouth.
33:27 H. Foley? I got caught with that on a Negiri plate. Is that how you pronounce it, Negiri?
33:31 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, and let's just, don't try any other ones.
33:36 Speaker 03 Let's just stick with that.
33:37 Speaker 01 Let's just do Marmar's break.
33:42 H. Foley? I was at the dinner with my wife, this is years ago.
33:44 Speaker 03 Yeah.
33:45 Speaker 01 They had blue cheese. Where the fuck are you eating sushi? When they're putting blue cheese on it?
33:50 H. Foley? No, it wasn't blue cheese.
33:51 Speaker 03 Oh, oh, just the, just you, the raw fish.
33:55 Speaker 01 This is a mouth feel.
33:56 Speaker 03 Okay, I see, I see.
33:57 H. Foley? It was, uh, it was the first time they hit me, I was like, "Yeah, I'll try whatever." And they hit me with raw calamari.
34:02 Speaker 03 Oh, I like that, actually.
34:04 H. Foley? Whoa, dude, that's like chewing a foot.
34:06 Speaker 03 But it is chewy, yeah.
34:07 H. Foley? Oh my god. And I was like, I was chewing on like, big league chew.
34:10 Speaker 03 It takes a lot of chewing, it does.
34:11 H. Foley? Ooh.
34:12 Speaker 01 There's a point for me, mouth feel, where if I can't get it in a couple chews, it ain't happening.
34:16 Speaker 03 Yeah.
34:17 Speaker 01 And I can't get it down. I don't care how much, how much fucking IPA I got in front of me.
34:22 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
34:23 Speaker 01 There's not enough for it to go.
34:24 Speaker 03 Are you sure it's not a teeth thing? Are you sure it's not back to the teeth?
34:27 Speaker 01 It's not back to the teeth?
34:28 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah, you need two easy, soft chews?
34:30 Speaker 01 I got a couple.
34:30 Speaker 03 Or you have to spit it out?
34:32 Speaker 01 I got a couple of stingers in the back.
34:34 H. Foley? Chew it, chew it on one side because you have a bad tooth on the other side?
34:37 Speaker 03 Oh dude, when I, when my tooth, when I fucked this tooth up, uh, I spent three days, I was like, "It's fine, I don't need to get it out." And it was excruciating pain, to the point where I just like, would place food, I would take a little bite, and put it
34:51 Speaker 01 All the way in the back.
34:52 Speaker 03 In my back left corner and go like
34:54 Speaker 01 What is going
34:55 H. Foley? It's like Tom Hanks?
34:56 Speaker 01 What is the prognosis of that tooth? Are you getting that fixed?
34:58 Speaker 03 It's too, what are you talking about?
34:59 H. Foley? It is fixed.
35:00 Speaker 01 It's chipped.
35:00 Speaker 03 Yeah, I chipped the fake one, but whatever.
35:02 Speaker 01 Okay.
35:03 H. Foley? Wait, hold on.
35:03 Speaker 01 I was asking about the chip tooth.
35:04 H. Foley? That didn't get knocked out? That was, that went bad? Is that what happened with that?
35:08 Speaker 03 It went bad, and then it got knocked out, and then I took it out.
35:11 Speaker 01 This guy judging me for working it out.
35:13 Speaker 03 Again, I am not, that's what, you need to look in a mirror if a man like me is disgusted by your actions. That's not what, I'm not here to claim I'm above you. I'm just saying, you need to, well, I am, unfortunately.
35:24 H. Foley? He had a telling in his twenties.
35:26 Speaker 03 Yeah.
35:28 H. Foley? Like a Kennedy.
35:29 Speaker 03 Um, but no, I, it got, it went bad.
35:31 H. Foley? What does that mean, exactly?
35:32 Speaker 03 It was called tooth resorption. And it's when you're fucking, it's when you're fucking, you break your, you're, literally your body starts absorbing the tooth. For real.
35:41 H. Foley? Gets hungry.
35:41 Speaker 03 Yeah, for, and I, yeah, I had a, I had a joke, I don't think I ever put it on anything, where it was like, my body was so fat, it was just like, "All right, man, we gotta take his teeth."
35:48 Speaker 01 You take your teeth?
35:49 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
35:50 Speaker 01 He's not gonna learn that.
35:51 Speaker 03 It felt like that's what happened with my body.
35:53 H. Foley? I have that?
35:53 Speaker 03 Take his teeth. Nah, I'm still working on it, don't worry about it. Yeah.
35:57 Speaker 01 You pull your tooth out to do the bit?
35:58 Speaker 03 Yeah.
36:00 Speaker 01 That's my new closure.
36:02 H. Foley? How's everybody doing today?
36:05 Speaker 03 Self-holing my toothless stuff?
36:07 H. Foley? So it wasn't a cavity? It was like receding into your gums?
36:10 Speaker 03 Yeah, I don't exactly know what the fuck it was.
36:11 H. Foley? And then you pulled it out by yourself because it hurt so bad?
36:13 Speaker 03 I went to the dentist, they took it out. And I thought-
36:16 H. Foley? RuPaul?
36:16 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, literally like a friend's, a friend's uncle who I had to drive an hour and a half to Jersey. Mm-hmm. Tough stuff.
36:22 H. Foley? How good does that feel though, when they pull it out, when they numb ya?
36:25 Speaker 03 It felt good.
36:25 H. Foley? I had two, two teeth that went like bad from bad root canal.
36:29 Speaker 03 Mmm.
36:29 H. Foley? And they were killing me, they yanked them out.
36:31 Speaker 03 Yeah.
36:32 H. Foley? Ooh.
36:32 Speaker 03 Not bad. You got replacements, you still?
36:34 H. Foley? Uh-uh.
36:35 Speaker 03 Nice.
36:35 H. Foley? Uh-uh. I'll wait.
36:37 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah.
36:38 H. Foley? I'll wait till a co- I'm not getting the fucking back ones replaced.
36:40 Speaker 03 Sure.
36:41 Speaker 01 Shoutouts to all the ladies still tuned in.
36:42 Speaker 03 Yeah.
36:44 H. Foley? Well, here's the thing.
36:45 Speaker 03 Right.
36:45 H. Foley? If I get a fake tooth put in, they gotta drill it, put the screw in, then you gotta wait like six months for that.
36:51 Speaker 03 Yep.
36:52 H. Foley? And then get the tooth put in.
36:53 Speaker 03 It's quite the process.
36:53 H. Foley? Yeah.
36:54 Speaker 03 But your whole mouth is fucked up. Like, you need to do that because your just teeth, you know.
36:58 H. Foley? They're moving around.
36:59 Speaker 03 They move around.
36:59 H. Foley? Yeah.
37:00 Speaker 03 You're fine with that.
37:01 H. Foley? I floss every day and I brush every day.
37:03 Speaker 03 Okay.
37:03 H. Foley? I haven't been to a dentist in probably 20 years.
37:05 Speaker 03 You should go to a dentist.
37:06 H. Foley? Nah. They bang you out with that shit.
37:09 Speaker 01 We have dental, don't we?
37:10 H. Foley? But dental insurance is the biggest scam in the world.
37:13 Speaker 03 Just go to the dentist, you fucking animals.
37:14 H. Foley? It doesn't matter, they don't cover nothing.
37:16 Speaker 01 Do we have dental?
37:17 Speaker 03 Eat at the pub outside of security and go to the dentist's office.
37:21 H. Foley? It doesn't cover anything.
37:23 Speaker 03 So pay out of pocket!
37:24 H. Foley? I'm not going to pay a fucking four grand for a fuck, for that bullshit?
37:29 Speaker 03 Why not? No, it's about your mouth, dumbass.
37:33 Speaker 01 What about it?
37:33 Speaker 03 You just, you're okay with it being, I mean, you do have weird teeth to begin with.
37:37 H. Foley? You can't see my teeth anyway.
37:38 Speaker 01 He's on a back nine, too.
37:39 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess you're right.
37:41 Speaker 01 He's on the 18th, he's on the 18th green if we're being honest.
37:43 H. Foley? Going to get the bumper fixed now?
37:45 Speaker 03 What are you gonna get for eight years? What are you gonna get, you teeth?
37:47 H. Foley? Yeah, for the final, for the final eight years of your life? It's not worth it.
37:52 Speaker 01 That's a bad, that's chasing bad money right there. Any financial advisor worth his weight in salt, I'll tell you that.
37:58 H. Foley? Yeah, I might as well start a 401K.
38:02 H. Foley? I'm a fucking idiot.
38:04 Speaker 01 Crazy? Which I think they did, and you're gonna be real mad when you find out.
38:08 H. Foley? What, are you kidding me?
38:10 Speaker 01 I think they did.
38:11 H. Foley? Does that come out of a d-
38:15 H. Foley? Call JB.
38:17 Speaker 01 It's crazy.
38:20 Speaker 03 Foley likes to invest in scratch offs. He gets most of his, that's his retirement fund.
38:23 H. Foley? Hey, I'm a short-term guy. Laundry mats. Nick Rochefort told me about gravel. Thinking about getting into gravel.
38:30 Speaker 01 We did a, we had a, we had a real realization. I don't know if it was on Patreon or what, where we started, we had what you need to get ready for retirement.
38:40 Speaker 03 Oh, fuck.
38:41 Speaker 01 And the fact that how close he is.
38:43 Speaker 03 Yeah.
38:43 Speaker 01 To retire, like to normal retirement age.
38:46 Speaker 03 Four years.
38:46 Speaker 01 And how little he has ready for that. It's like, he's gonna have to work till he's like ninety-two years old.
38:52 H. Foley? Yeah. I'm five years away from a fifty-five and older community.
38:55 Speaker 03 Yeah.
38:55 Speaker 01 We were looking to get him in one of those.
38:57 Speaker 03 That would be awesome. You should go.
38:58 H. Foley? Clean up.
38:59 Speaker 01 We should, we should get him down in Boca. Move the whole operation down there.
39:03 Speaker 03 Yeah. Save a lot on taxes that way.
39:05 H. Foley? I know. What I just saw too on a commercial, I was watching, I was watching Goonies the other day when I was home.
39:11 Speaker 01 Jam-packed day.
39:12 Speaker 03 Yeah. Oh, God forbid you have to keep up this job till you're eighty.
39:18 H. Foley? And they did one of them, uh, consumer cellular commercials.
39:20 Speaker 03 Yeah.
39:21 H. Foley? You know? Fifty and older.
39:23 Speaker 03 Wow.
39:24 H. Foley? Fifty?
39:25 Speaker 03 Yeah.
39:26 H. Foley? What the fuck?
39:27 Speaker 03 I mean, that's, yeah.
39:27 H. Foley? Fuck that. Johnny Depp's like sixty-five. He's doing cologne commercials with a mountain lion.
39:31 Speaker 03 Right.
39:32 H. Foley? It's all how you look at it.
39:33 Speaker 03 Right, right, right.
39:34 Speaker 01 It's one way to look at it.
39:35 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah.
39:35 H. Foley? Savage.
39:36 Speaker 03 Yeah.
39:37 Speaker 01 We're coming out with garbage.
39:38 Speaker 03 Yeah, that, you should.
39:40 Speaker 01 I think we are.
39:40 Speaker 03 You should. That'd be great.
39:41 H. Foley? Kimmy, this is Aura Frames.
39:43 Speaker 01 Aura Frame, Aura Frame, Aura Frame.
39:44 H. Foley? Wait, you know Aura Frames?
39:45 Speaker 01 Do I know Aura Frame?
39:46 H. Foley? Have you ever bought an Aura Frames as a present for somebody?
39:48 Speaker 01 About ten times. Every lady in my life has gotten an Aura Frame and it's the best gift I've ever given, the best gift they've ever gotten.
39:54 H. Foley? Of course, you're talking about Aura Frames, the digital, uh, digital.
39:57 Speaker 01 Frame.
39:58 H. Foley? Frame.
39:58 Speaker 01 Yeah.
39:59 H. Foley? That you put on the thing and you put, upload the pictures and everybody gets to see.
40:02 Speaker 01 I got one for you. You can even preload it with pictures. So when they open up the box on Christmas Day, oh my God, what the heck? And they plug it in, boom!
40:09 H. Foley? Really?
40:10 Speaker 01 Dick pic.
40:10 H. Foley? So that means the grandparents, the aunts, the uncles, they can keep up and know what the kids are doing and all that kind of stuff.
40:14 Speaker 01 All easy peasy.
40:15 H. Foley? Now, if you ever jammed up for a last-minute gift idea, would you recommend getting an Aura Frame?
40:20 Speaker 01 I wouldn't only recommend it, I would demand it. If you came to me, you said, oh, my God, Kippy, I need help. I got a mother-in-law that won't get off my back. I'm trying to stay in a will to have a couple of bucks to buy a shore house. I'd say, get them, get them the frame, get them the Aura Frame.
40:38 H. Foley? So you'd recommend Aura Frames this holiday season?
40:40 Speaker 01 Uh, not only would I, it was named number one by Wirecutter, the best-selling Carver Mat Frame. And right now, for a limited time, uh, save on the perfect gift by visiting AuraFrames.com to get $35, $35 off the best-selling Carver Mat Frames named number one by Wirecutter by using promo code garbage at checkout. That's A-U-R-A. Frames.com promo code garbage. This deal is exclusive to listeners and frames will sell out. So order yours now to get it in time for the holidays. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. Dead.
41:09 H. Foley? Kim, let's talk about Chime.
41:10 Speaker 01 Chime!
41:11 H. Foley? As you know, baby, life comes at you pretty quick.
41:14 Speaker 01 You ain't lying, big man.
41:15 H. Foley? Things start adding up. You know what I'm saying? I wish I could go back and tell my younger self, if you're gonna do a little banking, make sure you save your money, make sure you do it right, watch out for bank fees, all that kind of stuff. I'll tell you what I really wish. I could go back and say, hey, I wish I had Chime.
41:31 Speaker 01 I know. Listen, if you're out there, this is where Chime comes in. Chime is changing the way people bank. It's hard, listen, it's hard enough to keep a buck as it is. Then you got these big corporate banks coming after you.
41:44 H. Foley? Overdraft fees.
41:45 Speaker 01 Overdraft fee, uh, monthly statement, not it. Oh, $5 for this, $10 for that. They got their hand in your pocket. Not with Chime. Chime offers the most rewarding, fee-free banking, all with no overdraft fees, no monthly fees, no minimum balances. You get 5% cash back on the Chime card in a category of your choice, like gas or groceries, all while building credit through regular, everyday spending. And if you're ever in a pinch, SpotMe lets you overdraft up to $200 fee-free. Look at that. I know I need that, dog. Uh, right now, you can join the millions that are already banking fee-free with America's number one choice for banking. Head to chime.com/garbage. That's chime.com/garbage. Sign up now. It only takes a few minutes.
42:27 Speaker 05 Chime is a fintech, not a bank. Banking services and Chime Card provided by Chime's bank partners. Qualifying direct deposits required. Terms and limits apply. Go to chime.com/disclosures for details.
42:39 H. Foley? Uh, that's crazy that I'm that old. I'm 15 years from retirement.
42:43 Speaker 01 No, you're not.
42:44 H. Foley? I know.
42:44 Speaker 01 No, you are not.
42:45 Speaker 03 You're 40 years from retirement.
42:48 H. Foley? No, I think I'd be gone before that. Oh, you think?
42:51 Speaker 01 You're not gonna make it to ninety?
42:55 Speaker 01 What?
42:56 H. Foley? Listen, I love you guys, but I can't stay around here forever.
42:58 Speaker 03 Yeah.
42:59 Speaker 01 I gotta let you guys go out on your own.
43:00 Speaker 03 You are weirdly getting to the point of like, isn't it fu- cuz the people that live the longest either take care of themselves, or they don't to such a degree. That God lets them live as a joke.
43:11 H. Foley? It's always an old, it's always an old British woman that drinks, uh, Tullymore every day.
43:14 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
43:15 H. Foley? Lives to a hundred and fifty-two.
43:16 Speaker 03 And you could be that, I mean, you won't be, but there's a possibility. I say this point, you're not gonna do it the right way, so just lean in.
43:22 H. Foley? Sure.
43:23 Speaker 03 Keep, keep smoking.
43:24 H. Foley? Yeah, I like having him here.
43:26 Speaker 03 You know what I mean?
43:26 H. Foley? I like the way he thinks.
43:27 Speaker 03 And you might break through to the other side. You're the meme with the diamonds or whatever, that guy with the mu- diamonds and the hammer.
43:33 H. Foley? Who?
43:33 Speaker 03 You know what I mean? You ever see that meme where the guy's like?
43:35 Speaker 01 Uh, like, right, cuz that, the perseverance.
43:36 Speaker 03 Perseverance, yeah. Keep smoking, keep fucking doing drugs.
43:39 H. Foley? Yeah.
43:40 Speaker 03 You know?
43:40 H. Foley? You're not kids? Don't listen to your know-it-all dentist.
43:45 Speaker 03 When's the last time you even talked to them?
43:47 H. Foley? When's the last time you were to dentist, other than the tooth?
43:49 Speaker 03 A year ago?
43:50 H. Foley? You get the fluoride?
43:51 Speaker 03 Yeah, I get checkups, I get the fluoride, I get it all.
43:53 H. Foley? Bubble gum? What do you get?
43:54 Speaker 03 Huh?
43:55 H. Foley? What do you get?
43:55 Speaker 03 I don't, see, that's not, you, that's not, you went to the dentist.
43:58 Speaker 01 I was bubble gum.
43:59 Speaker 03 It was when they had bubble gum flavors cuz your parents took you.
44:01 Speaker 01 And what did you pick out of the treasure chest?
44:04 H. Foley? What, it's all that flavor.
44:06 Speaker 03 Which He-Man toy? Cuz that's how fucking old you are too.
44:11 H. Foley? You're way off. They wouldn't be giving away He-Mans. Those are like twenty dollars retail.
44:15 Speaker 01 I went to the dentist, then we saw Goonies in theater.
44:17 Speaker 03 Yeah.
44:20 Speaker 03 You auditioned for Chunk?
44:22 Speaker 01 He was like a, he's a, he's a lawyer, right?
44:24 H. Foley? Big entertainment lawyer.
44:25 Speaker 01 Chunk's a big, uh, yeah.
44:26 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
44:27 H. Foley? And I didn't realize Sean Astin was the son of the guy who, uh, John Astin, who played the original Gomez in The Addams Family.
44:33 Speaker 03 That's right.
44:34 H. Foley? Yeah.
44:34 Speaker 03 Mm-hmm.
44:35 H. Foley? That kid's Hollywood royalty.
44:36 Speaker 03 Last time I was here, you made a, you made a, uh, comment about another black and white television show. Didn't you talk about fucking Green Gables or some, Green Acres or some bullshit?
44:44 H. Foley? Is that Green Acres? Maybe Hogan's Heroes.
44:46 Speaker 03 Hogan's Heroes.
44:47 Speaker 01 Green Eggs and Ham.
44:47 H. Foley? Which was not in black and white.
44:48 Speaker 03 Okay, I'm sorry.
44:50 H. Foley? It was a Technicolor.
44:55 Speaker 03 Oh yeah, it's really weird you're 50. Yeah.
44:57 Speaker 01 You guys, can you believe it?
45:02 Speaker 03 Great stuff. You're gonna live forever, Hank.
45:04 H. Foley? There is a, my dad has a huge map of, um, of the world from his office when he, when he worked.
45:10 Speaker 01 It's Pangaea.
45:14 Speaker 01 You are here.
45:15 H. Foley? It's Flat Earth, it's the ice shelf around it. No, and it's, it's, it's the United States, South America, the Soviet Union.
45:24 Speaker 03 Yeah.
45:25 H. Foley? Huge. Man, they had a lot of real estate.
45:26 Speaker 03 They did.
45:27 H. Foley? How'd you fuck that up? You got all them minerals, you got all that oil.
45:31 Speaker 03 Yep.
45:32 H. Foley? It's crazy.
45:33 Speaker 03 Yeah.
45:33 H. Foley? How you fuck that up?
45:35 Speaker 03 I don't know. You think this is the show to talk about the fall of the USSR?
45:39 Speaker 01 I love how the guy with, I love how the guy with no teeth and no money, he's like, how you fuck that up?
45:44 H. Foley? I guarantee they were doing one piece of toast over there.
45:47 Speaker 01 How do you have everything going for you and still fumble the ball? How does that happen?
45:54 Speaker 01 I keep spitting up food.
45:56 Speaker 03 A podcast millionaire who refuses to go to the dentist.
46:00 H. Foley? No dentist.
46:02 Speaker 01 Listen.
46:03 H. Foley? It's all a hustle. You go in there. Yeah, they covered the cleaning.
46:07 Speaker 03 You spent a thousand dollars at STK Disney, but you won't.
46:11 Speaker 01 The company did that.
46:13 Speaker 03 You won't go to the fucking dentist.
46:15 Speaker 01 Oh, hey, if you're, if the IRS is out there watching, that was for content purposes.
46:19 H. Foley? Of course. We were down there filming something.
46:21 Speaker 01 That was team building.
46:22 Speaker 03 Fucking film it then. That would be good video, how fucked up your teeth are after not going to the dentist for 20 years.
46:28 H. Foley? I think they're pretty good.
46:29 Speaker 03 Well, it's the only one way to find out.
46:31 H. Foley? I got a hole in one. And I'm not talking about golf.
46:37 Speaker 01 Uh, alright. Let's, uh, let's get to some.
46:40 H. Foley? Any more hard hitting questions?
46:42 Speaker 01 This one, this is very of, um, this is of Stavvy's world a little bit, a little bit of a longer.
46:47 H. Foley? Please.
46:47 Speaker 01 Narrative.
46:48 H. Foley? Please.
46:48 Speaker 01 This is, uh, from the last generation of white trash, $10 homie, still kind of a bozo, never had one red. Showed us all in Richmond, loved it. Thank you. You hear that, Philadelphia?
46:57 H. Foley? Thanks, guys.
46:57 Speaker 01 Uh, are you garbage, if a song on the radio prompted your dad to give you the sex talk, it was Paradise by The Dashboard Light by Meatloaf. We were heading home from the Kmart where his girlfriend worked. He would disappear into the back of the store with her for when she was on break. I was left to hang out in the electronics department for 20 or 30 minutes. That's when you could still hang out in the electronics department. I never was able to get anything and I had no idea what was going on and he was still married to my mom at the time. Is that trash? Yeah, I mean, that's fucking-
47:29 Speaker 03 Is it trash?
47:30 Speaker 01 At every turn, that's trash.
47:31 Speaker 03 You had us at Kmart.
47:34 Speaker 03 Girlfriend, your adult father having a girlfriend that works at Kmart. Instantly, you're trash. Sure. No, with no other qualifications. You know, that's trash. Cheating, yes.
47:45 Speaker 01 Banging her out of work is nuts.
47:47 Speaker 03 The question, did my father-
47:49 Speaker 01 I think it was more of a statement.
47:50 Speaker 03 Cheating on my, uh, mother, taking me along, uh, not even bribing me with a toy, but just letting me hang out while he fucked some disgusting woman.
48:01 Speaker 01 She could have been good looking.
48:02 Speaker 03 I guess it's-
48:03 H. Foley? Tell you what, I'm gonna go talk to Linda. You watch the same thing on 17 TVs.
48:09 Speaker 03 I mean, yes, it's trash.
48:11 Speaker 01 That's crazy.
48:11 Speaker 03 That's one of the most trash situations I've ever heard of and it has nothing to do with, uh, ostensibly, the Meatloaf song.
48:18 Speaker 01 No, not at all. That's actually the classiest thing of the whole story.
48:22 H. Foley? But it's funny you mention that. I remember kinda piecing things together with that song too. With the Phil Rizzuto, he rounds first, he goes for second. That's him trying to score.
48:31 Speaker 03 I'm not, I'm, yeah, yeah.
48:32 H. Foley? Are you kidding me?
48:33 Speaker 03 I don't know that song.
48:34 H. Foley? Paradise by the Dashboard Light.
48:36 Speaker 01 What year, what year did that come out, Luke?
48:38 H. Foley? It doesn't matter. I was listening to it in the early 90s.
48:40 Speaker 04 1977.
48:42 Speaker 03 Dude, 1977?
48:44 Speaker 01 Fucking 10 years before I was born.
48:45 H. Foley? I didn't listen to it then. I was a year older in 1977.
48:48 Speaker 01 I understand.
48:49 H. Foley? I wasn't getting laid yet, but thank you for the compliment.
48:52 Speaker 01 I was advanced for my age.
48:53 H. Foley? It was in the 90s when they reissued everything on CD.
48:56 Speaker 03 I do feel like Meatloaf did have a big comeback, cause I remember him as a child.
49:00 Speaker 01 Bad Outta Hell was-
49:01 H. Foley? It's a great album.
49:01 Speaker 01 We, I went to, that was, uh, just kind of one of the original questions.
49:04 H. Foley? Two out of three ain't bad?
49:05 Speaker 01 That was the first concert I ever went to was Meatloaf, cause I loved that. I'll Do Anything For Love Song. So my mom took me, my brother and my sister, and he was so drunk and dirty and he's like, he had this girl singing on stage like his backup stage, he's like, "This fucking slut!" And then dude, he only did like half the, half the concert and then like, Ticketmaster came out and was like, "We'd like to apologize on behalf of Meatloaf and all Meatloaf subsidiaries." It was wild.
49:29 Speaker 03 That's awesome.
49:29 H. Foley? Talking about learning the birds and the bees.
49:30 Speaker 03 How old were you?
49:31 Speaker 01 Seven, eight. I mean, it was crazy. Yeah, I was just like, "This guy seems upset about something."
49:37 Speaker 03 That's so sick.
49:40 Speaker 03 Yeah, you're incredibly trash. This guy's one of the trashiest guys I've ever known.
49:43 Speaker 01 Were you a Kmart family?
49:44 Speaker 03 We would dabble.
49:46 Speaker 01 Value City?
49:46 Speaker 03 We were Value City. We would dabble in some Kmart.
49:49 Speaker 01 We were never a Walmart family.
49:50 H. Foley? I don't think Walmart existed back then.
49:52 Speaker 01 Yeah, Walmart's from, I mean, I don't know if it was by us.
49:55 Speaker 03 It wasn't around by us. I think it was more of a southern thing.
49:57 H. Foley? I think they took Kmart over.
49:58 Speaker 03 They took Kmart, yeah, they ate Kmart's lunch. But yeah, we were, we were a Kmart family for a while. Value City, definitely. Uh, I do remember there was a Kmart with a Little Caesar's inside of it.
50:08 H. Foley? Very nice.
50:09 Speaker 03 And that was big.
50:09 Speaker 01 Very nice.
50:10 Speaker 03 The advertising for Little Caesar's really worked on me as a child.
50:13 H. Foley? For sure.
50:13 Speaker 03 The pizza pizza guy.
50:14 H. Foley? Yeah.
50:15 Speaker 01 They weren't around us enough. I would see the commercials, but we would never see like, we were Domino's or Pizza.
50:19 H. Foley? It was so good back in the, when they just did the square pizza. It was so good.
50:23 Speaker 03 I remember that actually being the first time I understood, I understood how misleading advertising could be. Cause I was like, I was like, for like my fifth or sixth birthday, I was like, "I demand Little Caesar's pizza." And then I was like, "This is gonna be the best fucking pizza. Fucking, this cartoon loves it. It's fucking awesome." And it came, it fucking sucked. It like, compared to our local like pizza place where it was like, what I was used to.
50:45 H. Foley? Yeah.
50:46 Speaker 03 And I was like, "The fu-"
50:48 Speaker 01 This stinks.
50:48 Speaker 03 They let this on TV? TV betrayed me?
50:51 Speaker 01 Somebody called the president.
50:52 Speaker 03 Yeah, they do. My favorite thing, television lied to me.
50:56 Speaker 01 Offer profits?
50:57 Speaker 03 This pizza sucks.
50:58 Speaker 01 Took my parents' hard-earned money? This is crazy.
51:01 Speaker 03 It really pissed me the fuck off.
51:03 Speaker 01 Damn.
51:04 Speaker 03 Yeah.
51:04 H. Foley? Mom, these advertising guys, they might not be good people.
51:07 Speaker 03 I'm starting to not, I'm starting to trust this stuff.
51:09 H. Foley? But I, I thought it was really good, back in the day when it came in the big box and it was square.
51:13 Speaker 03 Yeah.
51:14 H. Foley? I thought it was, I thought it was all alright.
51:15 Speaker 03 We're more of a pizza, a Pizza Hut or a Papa John's family.
51:19 Speaker 01 Where would you do your back-to-school shopping? Would you do Kmart, Value City?
51:22 Speaker 03 Yeah, for sure.
51:23 Speaker 01 That's where it would go.
51:24 H. Foley? What's his Value City you keep talking about?
51:25 Speaker 03 Value City's like a Burlington Co. factory sort of.
51:29 Speaker 01 They took over Clover in my hometown.
51:31 H. Foley? Oh, really?
51:32 Speaker 01 Off street road. It was Clover and then Clover turned into Value City. It was like a, like a, like a boss, yeah, like a bad standalone department store.
51:39 H. Foley? Never seen it.
51:40 Speaker 03 Yeah, like a mar- like a shittier Marshalls, like a TJ Maxx.
51:43 Speaker 01 Yeah.
51:44 Speaker 03 It was in that, it was in that family of stuff.
51:46 H. Foley? When our Clover closed, they just shut it down. Sucked. Did you have a Clover down in Baltimore?
51:51 Speaker 03 No, we never got Clover.
51:52 H. Foley? You know what's great about that Kmart is right in the middle of the store, they had the fucking Icy stand. You could see it. It was like a, like a fuck.
52:00 Speaker 01 In the center?
52:01 H. Foley? It was a North Star. You could just see the polar bear and that cup just going around. Going around.
52:07 Speaker 01 I was in black and white and we're going around.
52:09 Speaker 03 Interesting, interesting.
52:10 Speaker 01 Damn.
52:11 Speaker 03 I did like the Icy. With the, with the bear. That was good shit.
52:14 Speaker 01 The Slurpee with, dude, the Coca-Cola flavored Slurpee. When that hit, that and a soft pretzel, fucking forget about it.
52:21 Speaker 03 That is good stuff, fellas. We have, we, we can build common ground there for sure.
52:26 Speaker 01 And I always hit it.
52:26 H. Foley? And that's what it shows all about. Find a common ground.
52:29 Speaker 01 Bringing, bringing idiots together.
52:30 Speaker 03 Yeah, being a fat child throwing a temper tantrum until your mother gave you a Slurpee. So you could, so she could, you know, uh, barely get enough to fucking clothe and feed you.
52:40 H. Foley? Sure. I, I think to myself, if they just would've gave in and made it not a big deal. Would I have grown up to be, to have the tendencies that I have?
52:51 Speaker 03 Right.
52:52 H. Foley? If they, "Yeah, you want a Slurpee?"
52:53 Speaker 01 If you were ungoverned?
52:55 H. Foley? I'm not saying ungoverned. I'm saying if they did, because I'm the kind of person, if you want to make it a fight, I'll make it a fight.
53:02 Speaker 03 You'll dig your heels in.
53:03 H. Foley? Yeah, I'll dig my fucking heels in.
53:04 Speaker 03 Well, I, I'm gonna say no. There's something about your genetic makeup that you would've been a mess no matter what.
53:10 H. Foley? Right.
53:11 Speaker 03 But.
53:11 H. Foley? I got you.
53:11 Speaker 03 There is the thought, you probably would've, no matter what parenting, you're this guy.
53:16 H. Foley? Sure.
53:16 Speaker 03 It's kind of my guess, right? The fact that you refuse to go to the dentist. Is anyone fighting you on the dentist fully?
53:22 H. Foley? Not anymore.
53:22 Speaker 03 Are you just not going because you don't want to?
53:23 H. Foley? Not anymore.
53:24 Speaker 03 Right, exactly.
53:25 H. Foley? I mean, the only dentist that I've ever gone to is the office that my mom worked at when I was, when I was younger.
53:31 Speaker 01 Emotional connection.
53:31 H. Foley? And then when she stopped working there, the hygienist, Michelle, who I always saw growing up, she went to another office. That's the only dentist that I think about going to. I'm not going to some fucking dentist in Astoria. What are you fucking nuts?
53:45 Speaker 03 What about Manhattan?
53:47 H. Foley? New York City?
53:49 H. Foley? Yeah, they bang you out.
53:50 Speaker 03 Again, that's fine.
53:52 H. Foley? I'm not going to some dentist on Park Avenue. They give you like a scotch while you're waiting.
53:58 Speaker 01 This is the 50s?
53:58 H. Foley? No.
54:00 Speaker 01 You're in there smoking.
54:01 H. Foley? Where do you go?
54:01 Speaker 03 But I know, I go to a good, a good dance, but I know, actually, there is a school of thought that it's like, if you raise your kids to actually not, you don't make like candy a big deal. You don't make desserts a big deal.
54:12 Speaker 01 They'll make the better choices.
54:13 Speaker 03 They'll just fucking eat it till they, they'll just have like fucking couple scoops, be like, "That was good."
54:17 H. Foley? Yeah.
54:18 Speaker 03 And, but it's just, you know, it's so hard for me to fathom that.
54:21 H. Foley? That's the way Luke was raised, right?
54:23 Speaker 04 Yes, sir.
54:23 H. Foley? See? You act like you don't need this shit, they give it to you for free.
54:27 Speaker 03 Interesting.
54:27 H. Foley? To quote Mr. Vince Vaughn.
54:28 Speaker 03 And we, did you ever go over, did you ever, was there anything you ever gorged on Luke?
54:32 Speaker 04 I think college is where you figure that out. You lock that in and then you, hopefully you're on to greener paths.
54:38 H. Foley? He had a little pill thing in college.
54:40 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
54:41 Speaker 01 His parents watched the show.
54:42 H. Foley? Penn State.
54:43 Speaker 03 I mean dude, when they-
54:44 H. Foley? Grown man?
54:44 Speaker 03 When I got the fucking unlimited meal plan, that was a big problem.
54:48 Speaker 01 I remember finding out-
54:49 Speaker 03 I did the freshman 50.
54:50 Speaker 01 What fourth meal was.
54:52 Speaker 03 What's that?
54:52 Speaker 01 Fourth meal, I didn't know it was a thing. I did, I was eating four times before.
54:56 Speaker 03 Of course.
54:56 Speaker 01 But I didn't know was, "Oh, we'll go to fourth meal." I was like, I, once I learned that I had access to that.
55:01 Speaker 03 Sure.
55:01 Speaker 01 I didn't fucking miss, I'd leave a party and go eat.
55:03 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, of course.
55:05 Speaker 04 Loved it.
55:05 Speaker 01 Later, bitches.
55:06 Speaker 03 Set an alarm on your fucking phone.
55:08 Speaker 01 Yeah.
55:08 Speaker 03 To be like, "Oh, fourth meal, got it, I'll be back."
55:11 H. Foley? You skanks aren't giving it up, I'm getting out of here.
55:13 Speaker 01 I'm gonna go make a chicken finger sandwich.
55:15 Speaker 03 Time for a shitty pizza, yeah.
55:18 Speaker 01 Took a couple chicken fingers, put them on a Kaiser roll, slice of cheese, out the door.
55:22 Speaker 03 That's good stuff.
55:22 Speaker 01 Um, ah, it's fucking brutal.
55:25 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, they had a fucking soft serve machine.
55:27 H. Foley? Yeah.
55:28 Speaker 03 I just had soft serve after every meal. Every meal.
55:30 H. Foley? You had a soft serve machine?
55:32 Speaker 03 In college.
55:32 H. Foley? Where'd you go, Harvard?
55:33 Speaker 03 Yeah, University of Maryland, Baltimore County.
55:38 Speaker 01 Yikes. Um, we just, uh, I remember the first time we had fountain, we had Gatorade fountain drinks. Like, you know, get Gatorade out of the fountain, so you'd get like two or three of them, put it on a tray, probably a wild cherry Pepsi, put that on a tray.
55:51 Speaker 03 Love that.
55:51 Speaker 01 No water in sight.
55:52 Speaker 03 Of course.
55:53 Speaker 01 And I'm going, I got like three or four drinks on the tray, small, like 12 ounce cups or whatever. And, uh, I remember sitting down and there was this kid I became friends with, he was like really in shape. We went to high school together, but he wasn't in, we weren't boys in high school, but we linked up in college.
56:05 Speaker 03 That happens a lot in college, yeah.
56:07 Speaker 01 And he was like going to the gym every day and I was just fucking smoking and eating, drinking. And, uh, he goes, "Hey, man, I notice you, I notice you drink Gatorade with every meal."
56:17 H. Foley? Yeah, let's say hydrated. You know?
56:20 Speaker 03 I noticed.
56:22 Speaker 01 This is like, this is like, six weeks into college.
56:27 Speaker 03 Couldn't help but notice, man.
56:28 Speaker 01 Couldn't help but notice. You're drinking, you're drinking a lot of Gatorade. He goes, "That's typically reserved for like, when you exercise and need to replenish."
56:36 Speaker 03 Just giving you the benefit of the doubt as if you're that stupid.
56:39 Speaker 01 Yeah.
56:41 Speaker 01 I was, I never thought of it. It was, I had never, I just thought I was gonna be in better, like, in case something did break out.
56:48 Speaker 03 Well, it's healthy. Well, yeah, I'm drinking what an athlete drinks, I'll become an athlete.
56:53 H. Foley? What if some chick wants to see me dunk?
56:58 H. Foley? I don't wanna cramp up like an ass.
57:03 Speaker 03 That's fucking awesome.
57:04 Speaker 01 Ah, and I remember, it rattled me to the core, it was like, huh?
57:08 H. Foley? Did you not know?
57:09 Speaker 03 No, no, I'm with Kevin here, cause like, no, you're right. No one knew. No one knew. Exactly. No, the concept of a drink like I'm having sugar in it. Yeah, yeah. Sugar in Gatorade didn't even cross my mind.
57:23 Speaker 01 No, not once.
57:24 Speaker 03 No, absolutely, yeah, I'm with you.
57:25 Speaker 01 Absolutely not. I used to do the thing, I was so fat and I lied to myself so much that like, I remember one, I remember I went one time with my boy Pat, who was like tiny, like, just regular kid, to McDonald's and I went, "Oh, he eats McDonald's?" It can't be, like, I can have it four times a week. Where there, he has it once a month or whatever. Yeah, and I'm like, that, I, I.
57:46 Speaker 03 Once a month throws away some of the fries.
57:48 Speaker 01 Yeah.
57:49 Speaker 03 You remember, fuck, the first time you ate McDonald's with someone, you saw some fries left? You're like, what?
57:54 H. Foley? He must've ate just before he came.
57:57 H. Foley? Like, I did.
57:59 Speaker 03 I, for the first time, I, for Thanksgiving, my brother hosted, and so I didn't have access to leftovers.
58:05 Speaker 01 Just now?
58:05 Speaker 03 Yeah, just now. And I left my, like, tin, you know, you just kinda make a little plate, but I left it there. So I did, this is, you wanna hear trash? And I freely admit this, right? I went to a McDonald's drive-through on Thanksgiving at like eight o'clock to watch the Ravens lose. I was like, I don't have leftovers.
58:25 Speaker 03 It's Thanksgiving. You know, you give yourself like, listen, you give yourself Thanksgiving, act a fucking fool. So I fucking, and even then, full off Thanksgiving dinner, didn't want to finish my fucking fries. I had, I finished, I fucking stuffed them.
58:38 H. Foley? Yeah.
58:39 Speaker 03 I wasn't hungry, I, you know.
58:40 H. Foley? You did it though.
58:41 Speaker 03 I had a very modest quarter pounder, 10 nuggets and fries.
58:44 H. Foley? Like the pilgrims did.
58:45 Speaker 03 Exactly, yeah. Very modest order, nothing wrong there.
58:49 H. Foley? You know, a cornucopia.
58:52 Speaker 03 But yes, I remember the first time eating fast food to someone and just seeing like, a bite of sandwich and some fries go into the trash and it fucking pissed me off.
59:01 H. Foley? Yeah, it's crazy.
59:01 Speaker 01 We were telling this story.
59:03 H. Foley? Where's the apple pie? That's what I want to know.
59:04 Speaker 03 Yeah, I didn't get an apple pie.
59:06 Speaker 01 In the car on the way home from the road yesterday, this, I was, my all time card getting denied, I was in line at a McDonald's. I had ordered and then went to pay, 681 or whatever, got denied. And there was a curb, so I couldn't pull out. So I had to wait until they get to the next window and he's like, I don't have your order. I'm like, yeah, I don't, I ain't got it.
59:26 Speaker 03 Fuck, dude.
59:27 H. Foley? Changed my mind, I'm gonna go grab a Gatorade.
59:31 Speaker 03 You're like, you should've just been like, surely there's a mistake.
59:33 Speaker 01 Sure, oh, that, this is, what a segue. This is from AG Willockers. When you go through a drive thru, at what point does the size of the order become rude to the people behind you? And someone piggyback, now there was a comment on this, is it just easier if there's five people, you go, just give me five burgers, five nuggets, five fries, five drinks? Or does everybody get to go their individual, what's the, or do you not take account into that at all?
59:58 H. Foley? Yeah, fuck them. What are you talking about?
1:00:00 Speaker 03 I'm sort of with Foley where it's like, listen, I, I guess it depends, right?
1:00:03 H. Foley? What are we, in Russia? You get what you want. What are you, out of your fucking mind?
1:00:09 Speaker 03 This is one of, yeah, as American society is crumbling, one of the few comforts we have is whatever you want from a drive thru menu.
1:00:16 H. Foley? Yeah.
1:00:17 Speaker 03 And I sort of, now, look, if it's the kind of thing where you're just popping over somewhere, it's like, yeah, get a bag of bur, like, if you're showing up at a party, you get a bag of fucking.
1:00:25 H. Foley? I like that.
1:00:26 Speaker 03 Bag of burgers, bag of nuggets, no one's mad, right?
1:00:29 H. Foley? We've done that, I've done that before.
1:00:30 Speaker 03 That's a great move. But if it's like, I would say if your party is. Five and un- if you're just a packed car.
1:00:38 H. Foley? Yeah.
1:00:39 Speaker 03 You're fine. Now, if it's a Sprinter van, yeah, yeah, yeah, school bus, Sprinter van, it's a little different. But yeah, and I think, I think you can say like, hey, can we simplify this? Like, if someone's getting a fucking McChicken and one guy's getting the crispy chicken, it's like, how about two? You know what I mean? Just some-
1:00:54 Speaker 01 Let's link it together a little bit.
1:00:56 Speaker 03 To simplify, but no, at the end of the day, if somebody want, really wants something, you just-
1:00:59 H. Foley? It's fast food, that's two seconds.
1:01:01 Speaker 03 You're looking at me like I came up with it, I'm just, you know, I'm a-
1:01:04 H. Foley? I don't like the fact that you brought it up.
1:01:05 Speaker 01 Don't shoot the messenger, what the fuck?
1:01:07 Speaker 03 Yeah, cause oftentimes, it's a real-
1:01:08 H. Foley? Stop it, get him!
1:01:09 Speaker 03 It's a real treat. When you're, and especially when you have a car full of people, you're probably high, someone's, you know, one guy's sober, one guy's drunk. Now, that's the other thing, if you're the sober guy, doing a fucking car full of drunks-
1:01:20 Speaker 01 Oh, fuck everybody.
1:01:21 Speaker 03 No, you gotta go one big bag for everybody. You, you listen to what they have to say, and you decide how close. And then, and then, when they're like, they're drunk, you're like, oh my god, can you believe they fucked up your order? Fuck them, you know what I mean? It's like, that's the other thing.
1:01:35 H. Foley? Just eat it, shut up.
1:01:36 Speaker 03 That's what it is.
1:01:36 H. Foley? I'll give you that.
1:01:37 Speaker 03 And all, and here's the thing, get, get one, get a couple extra things, so if you get twice, two things you didn't really want that much.
1:01:46 Speaker 01 You're alright with it.
1:01:47 Speaker 03 You're fine with that.
1:01:48 Speaker 01 I got the bonus nuggets.
1:01:49 Speaker 03 It's like, oh yeah, here's an extra fucking quarter pounder.
1:01:51 H. Foley? It's McDonald's, everything's good. There's not one thing on the menu that you wouldn't-
1:01:54 Speaker 03 And it's all the same shit, McDonald's, Taco Bell, wherever the fuck you're going, it's four ingredients.
1:01:58 H. Foley? Yeah.
1:01:58 Speaker 03 Switched up a little bit, you'll be fine.
1:02:00 Speaker 01 Now, when you did that Thanksgiving order, where did you eat that?
1:02:03 H. Foley? What'd you get?
1:02:03 Speaker 01 Did you pull up and park?
1:02:04 Speaker 03 No, I took it to my home.
1:02:05 Speaker 01 Took it to the home.
1:02:06 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:02:07 Speaker 01 That's crazy, I grew up like, we pull up and park and eat right there.
1:02:10 Speaker 03 It's Thanksgiving.
1:02:11 H. Foley? And I don't appreciate the emphasis on the home. You went to McDonald's on Thanksgiving.
1:02:15 Speaker 03 I took it to my home, where I was alone, without, without a wife or children. I took it to my home as a 36-year-old man, my beautiful home, that I share with no one.
1:02:26 Speaker 01 My beautiful vapid home.
1:02:28 H. Foley? You turn the heat off and all the lights, just my one candle?
1:02:33 H. Foley? I feel bad now. What did you get?
1:02:36 Speaker 03 I told you already, you motherfucker.
1:02:38 H. Foley? I missed it.
1:02:39 Speaker 03 Quarter pounder, a double, or a double quarter pounder, ten McNuggets and, uh, some fries.
1:02:44 H. Foley? That you finished.
1:02:46 Speaker 03 I did. I did finish, but they were colder than I usually would let them get. Yeah.
1:02:51 H. Foley? Those McDonald's fries, when they get cold.
1:02:53 Speaker 03 Not great.
1:02:54 H. Foley? It's over.
1:02:55 Speaker 03 Well, I can, because the thing is, I considered being, I considered not eating the fries as sort of like a, well, I didn't eat the whole, that's another fact I think, I didn't.
1:03:02 Speaker 01 You didn't do the whole thing.
1:03:03 Speaker 03 But then you always do. I'm, I'm gonna become the thing I hate. A healthy guy that only eats part of his McDonald's order.
1:03:10 H. Foley? That's crazy.
1:03:11 Speaker 03 And then I just, of course, go back. The Ravens are losing, what, I'm gonna fuck it, I'm gonna fucking eat them.
1:03:16 H. Foley? Come on.
1:03:16 Speaker 03 You know, I needed some comfort in that moment.
1:03:18 H. Foley? Either die the hero, you live long enough to become the villain.
1:03:21 Speaker 03 That's right, absolutely.
1:03:22 Speaker 01 Uh, all right, one more food one.
1:03:24 Speaker 03 Sure.
1:03:25 Speaker 01 This is from Aunt Rose. Ten dollar soul sister here, never had one red, no big deal. I have had one red, no big deal.
1:03:30 H. Foley? Nice.
1:03:30 Speaker 01 I just made a salad in interest of being healthy.
1:03:33 Speaker 03 Sure.
1:03:34 Speaker 01 But there were no croutons left.
1:03:35 Speaker 03 I'm out.
1:03:36 Speaker 01 So I crushed up some Sun Chips in there instead. Thoughts?
1:03:39 H. Foley? Yes.
1:03:39 Speaker 01 P.S. They were garden, garden salsa flavored.
1:03:41 Speaker 03 Ah, garden.
1:03:42 H. Foley? Respect it.
1:03:43 Speaker 03 From the garden, like the, from the, like the lettuce. The chips is, are, is a garden.
1:03:47 Speaker 01 It's crazy to me, but I get it.
1:03:48 Speaker 03 Well, here's what I'll say. I think if you're doing it to be healthy, if you actually meas, if you took a serving of Sun Chips, that's like, whatever calories.
1:03:58 Speaker 01 Eighty calories and whatever.
1:03:59 Speaker 03 And you scrumple them up, no harm, no foul.
1:04:01 H. Foley? I don't think so either.
1:04:02 Speaker 03 You put some bacon in there, you put some, you put a little bit of cheese to make a salad worthwhile, you put a little dressing in there.
1:04:07 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
1:04:07 Speaker 03 If you're doing that, I actually like it.
1:04:09 Speaker 01 I.
1:04:09 Speaker 03 One time, I didn't have.
1:04:10 Speaker 01 Great way to think about it.
1:04:11 Speaker 03 I didn't have salt on the road, and I crushed up Cheez-Its and used that as salt. And you know what?
1:04:18 Speaker 01 What were you making?
1:04:19 Speaker 03 I, it was like some kind of chicken pasta thing.
1:04:21 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:04:22 Speaker 03 And it kind of worked. Kinda working. That was sixty cal- I got sixty calories worth of Cheez-Its. Not bad. Check out Stavvy Gets Ripped episode, which episode?
1:04:29 Speaker 01 We love it. We're, we're big fans of it over here.
1:04:31 H. Foley? Talk about pushing an analogy to its limits. I like that.
1:04:34 Speaker 03 It wasn't even an analogy, just what happened. It's not a metaphor.
1:04:36 Speaker 01 That's still a cool, that's still a cool fact.
1:04:38 Speaker 03 I literally, I literally used Cheez-Its as salt, the way this woman used garden salsa chips as croutons. So I'm with her.
1:04:44 Speaker 01 That's a great way to look at it. It's like, yeah, it isn't the best, and I would never do that. I would do five handfuls and then eat some before I wrap the bag up.
1:04:52 Speaker 03 Of course, of course.
1:04:52 Speaker 01 Uh, and then throw the salad out and get a pizza.
1:04:55 Speaker 03 Nothing wrong with a little crunch.
1:04:56 H. Foley? Yeah, a little crunch.
1:04:57 Speaker 01 Uh, that's brilliant though. It was like, it probably is the same calories as the fucking, a serving of croutons or whatever. You know, in the same ballpark.
1:05:03 Speaker 03 Sure, sure, sure.
1:05:04 H. Foley? When I was living in North Carolina, all I had in my house was a, a bag of that mixed salad.
1:05:09 Speaker 01 And crack.
1:05:09 H. Foley? Balsamic dressing and, uh, um, what's it called? Saltines. And I would crush them up and use them as, uh, as, uh...
1:05:18 Speaker 03 That's fucking cra- that's one of the most fucking depressing things I've ever heard in my life.
1:05:22 H. Foley? It's like the Italians. They didn't, they...
1:05:23 Speaker 01 It's like the Italians.
1:05:24 H. Foley? But they didn't have cheese, so they would use breadcrumbs instead. That's what fucking Tucci said on one of his shows.
1:05:31 Speaker 01 Tucci's full of shit.
1:05:32 H. Foley? Probably one of them knows that.
1:05:33 Speaker 01 We are anti-Tucci.
1:05:34 Speaker 03 Oh, you guys are not Stanley Tucci guys.
1:05:36 Speaker 01 Hi dude, I'm, it's...
1:05:37 H. Foley? Fuck Tucci.
1:05:38 Speaker 01 Uh, well, go watch an episode. That motherfucker is lying about speaking Italian. He don't know what the fuck he's talking about.
1:05:44 H. Foley? Welcome back to Pretentious with Stanley Tucci.
1:05:47 Speaker 01 His motherfucker went, well, he went to Rome once when he was 12 years old for two weeks. And then he's like, "You're the authority? Get the fuck out of here."
1:05:53 H. Foley? I went to lacrosse camp for two weeks too. You don't see me running around with a stick.
1:05:57 Speaker 01 And also every time...
1:05:59 H. Foley? That was a bad analogy.
1:06:00 Speaker 03 Uh, it's not bad.
1:06:01 Speaker 01 Every time, the guy will just speak Italian to him, but...
1:06:05 Speaker 01 And go, "Ah, see." And then he cuts. He don't know what the fuck he's saying.
1:06:08 Speaker 03 Oh, so your beef with Stanley Tucci is overselling how Italian he is?
1:06:12 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:06:12 H. Foley? That's one thing.
1:06:13 Speaker 01 First, he doesn't even look Italian. He looks Jewish, the guy.
1:06:15 H. Foley? Two.
1:06:16 Speaker 01 Not that there's anything wrong with that, as you share.
1:06:17 Speaker 03 Can you believe it? They're tricking me into watching a Jew on television?
1:06:20 Speaker 01 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. My wife's Jewish, she's also on TV.
1:06:26 Speaker 01 We gotta wrap it up here on that note. Great. Just fucking great, Stavvy.
1:06:30 H. Foley? Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Stavros Halkias hitting the road hard.
1:06:34 Speaker 03 Please see.
1:06:34 H. Foley? 2026.
1:06:36 Speaker 03 Come see the tour. We're coming to a bunch of places, you know, fucking flat. Like I said, put them up here, whatever the fuck. You guys will do it, right?
1:06:42 Speaker 01 We have a CGI budget.
1:06:44 Speaker 03 It's so easy to do. If Val's gonna figure it out, you guys can figure it out.
1:06:48 Speaker 01 New guy Luke, get on it.
1:06:49 Speaker 03 Luke can figure it out. Uh, but yeah, I'm coming all, I'm all over the place. Uh, Boston this weekend, a couple of tickets left. We start the tour.
1:06:57 H. Foley? Four shows at the Wilbur, baby.
1:06:58 Speaker 03 It's gonna be really fun. Then we start in Florida and I don't remember where, but you know, Buffalo, we are, I'm coming to Philly.
1:07:05 H. Foley? We'll put it up for you. We'll put it up for you.
1:07:07 Speaker 03 Please buy tickets. Uh, yeah, listen to Stavvy's world, the whole thing.
1:07:11 Speaker 01 Great.
1:07:11 H. Foley? Stavvy, we love you, buddy. Kippee, what do you got for him?
1:07:14 Speaker 01 Uh, guys, we announced our new 2026 dates. Get those tickets. A lot of fun cities planned. Tickets are already moving and then obviously Philly this weekend. Love to see you there.
1:07:21 H. Foley? Stavvy, we love you.
1:07:22 Speaker 01 Love you, buddy.
1:07:22 H. Foley? Gary, we love you. We'll see you next week. Peace.
Previous Foley's Retirement Home! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley Next Ever Been Punched by an Adult?! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley Page updated October 31, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated