Should We Buy a Van? w/ Kippy & Foley!

Are You Garbage is back with Kippy and Foley and the boys are thinking of buying a conversion van for the road! It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! AYG 2025 Tour Tickets: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Acorns: Head to https://acorns.com/GARBAGE or download the Acorns app to start saving and investing for your future today! iRestore: https://www.irestorelaser.com/AYG Liquid IV: Get 20% off your first order of Liquid I. V. when you go to http://liquidiv.com and use code GARBAGE at checkout. Shopify: Go to https://shopify.com/garbage to start selling with Shopify today. Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00H. Foley?

  New tour announcement, gang. The boys are heading back out on the road.

• 0:03Speaker 01

  Whee!

• 0:03H. Foley?

  For the Back on the Block Tour, baby. We're coming to a city near you. We're talking about live Are You Garbage stand-up comedy and a whole mess of beers.

• 0:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, we're starting off this March. We're hitting Pontiac, Michigan, Indianapolis, Indiana, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Madison, Wisconsin, Minneapolis, Minnesota. Then we're going out there to the Berg, baby. Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Cleveland, Ohio, and Atlantic City at the Borgata. Get your tickets now. AreYouGarbage.com. Use the promo code garbage for early access. Do it!

• 0:32Speaker 02

  Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.

• 0:52H. Foley?

  Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage.

• 0:58Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 0:59H. Foley?

  It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find out that they're to be classy.

• 1:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04H. Foley?

  Or they're just a big old piece of trash.

• 1:06Speaker 01

  Garbage.

• 1:06H. Foley?

  I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in the new edition. She's upstairs doing a little crypto pump and dump.

• 1:14Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:15H. Foley?

  Trying to make a couple bucks for the summer.

• 1:17Speaker 01

  The summer?

• 1:18H. Foley?

  You gotta get ready now.

• 1:19Speaker 01

  That's a long pump and dump.

• 1:21H. Foley?

  Hey, don't get caught up in it.

• 1:23Speaker 01

  Sure. Real boiler room stuff she's got going on up there.

• 1:26H. Foley?

  She's got four guys working up there.

• 1:27Speaker 01

  Giovanni Ribisi's up there, last time I checked.

• 1:29H. Foley?

  My co-host is coming at you from across the table, so we call a family episode.

• 1:33Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:34H. Foley?

  Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage. He is an international businessman, but enjoys domestic beer. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan, everybody.

• 1:46Speaker 01

  You ain't lying. Shout out to a nice American ale.

• 1:49H. Foley?

  Do you like it imported?

• 1:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, what are you talking about? Have you imported from fucking Newark, maybe?

• 1:56H. Foley?

  I had the Heineken one time, and you looked at me like I was trying to poison you.

• 2:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's not, I mean, that's, that's commie talk right there.

• 2:02H. Foley?

  You don't like an Amstel Light?

• 2:04Speaker 01

  What, what, what, what, what are we doing here? No. Goddamn American-

• 2:08H. Foley?

  Alloenbrow?

• 2:09Speaker 01

  American beers.

• 2:12Speaker 01

  Maybe in a pitcher, maybe in a bottle, love it in a can. Just like your mom.

• 2:17H. Foley?

  Are you like a Guinness? That's an import theoretically.

• 2:20Speaker 01

  Sure, I mean, I like a Guinness a few times a year and when I'm dropping Jameson in there. A little carbzzles.

• 2:27H. Foley?

  That's an import, Jameson.

• 2:29Speaker 01

  Yeah. I, well, you said beer, what do you?

• 2:32H. Foley?

  You don't go for the, you don't go for the international beer.

• 2:34Speaker 01

  No, I'm a goddamn red-blooded American. I drink American beers brewed in Mexico.

• 2:39H. Foley?

  Cause all the IP, all the IPAs are usually Americans.

• 2:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:46H. Foley?

  That you go for. I like a Bex, like a gentleman. I know you like an Amstel Light.

• 2:51Speaker 01

  Nah, that's a.

• 2:52H. Foley?

  Come on!

• 2:52Speaker 01

  Bex is a non-alcoholic.

• 2:54H. Foley?

  At the country club? You don't get an Amstel Light with your salmon pants?

• 2:58Speaker 01

  Bud Light man. You drank all the beers that like were cool in like 2001 for a weekend. Like that's, that all had like a good marketing campaign in the late 90s.

• 3:09H. Foley?

  Oh, I'm sorry, Landshark's coming back.

• 3:12Speaker 01

  Shout out to Landchedals. I did love a good Landshark. Get a couple, six pack of Don Chedals.

• 3:16H. Foley?

  Crisscross on those things.

• 3:18Speaker 01

  Man, shout out to Jimmy Buffett. That's his brew. Got another goddamn red-blooded American.

• 3:24H. Foley?

  He did alright.

• 3:25Speaker 01

  Uh, but listen, all that's either here nor there. Uh, guys, if you haven't, uh, please make sure you review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube and now full video available on Spotify too.

• 3:34H. Foley?

  Crazy!

• 3:34Speaker 01

  Talk to the bigwigs over there. They got us lined up on a new creator program. No money.

• 3:40H. Foley?

  Work release.

• 3:44Speaker 01

  Three years of good behavior, they finally gave us fucking video.

• 3:46H. Foley?

  We're on what they call a trial basis.

• 3:50Speaker 01

  Uh, and then, uh, as you may or may not have heard, new tour announcement, baby. The boys are back on the block.

• 3:58H. Foley?

  It's the first I'm hearing about this. Have you given me the dates yet?

• 4:01Speaker 01

  I'm gonna need you in the.

• 4:02H. Foley?

  I got a lot going on.

• 4:03Speaker 01

  I'm gonna need you in the spring, big dog. You gotta move a couple two, three tickets.

• 4:08H. Foley?

  Couple of months to get back in airport walking shape.

• 4:10Speaker 01

  Sure, God.

• 4:12H. Foley?

  Let's talk about this. Big new tour. Back on the block. The boys.

• 4:17Speaker 01

  The boys.

• 4:17H. Foley?

  Here we go.

• 4:18Speaker 01

  Back in the minivan. The tour bus is done. They took it back.

• 4:22H. Foley?

  What?

• 4:22Speaker 01

  We can't afford it. We're back in a van, moving, shaking.

• 4:26H. Foley?

  I like it.

• 4:26Speaker 01

  I'm doing 95.

• 4:29H. Foley?

  Couple of clubs?

• 4:30Speaker 01

  I'm seeing moves three, four steps ahead of time. That's what I'm doing.

• 4:33H. Foley?

  You gotta get a new playlist. You're killing me.

• 4:35Speaker 01

  Driving blindfolded. That's the new tour.

• 4:38H. Foley?

  If I hear that Creedence Clearwater Revival playlist somewhere sometime, I'm gonna jump out the window.

• 4:41Speaker 01

  I put that on for you. We've gone over this. That's your, you know what, I mean, what do you, listen, I can only hear fucking R E M so many times.

• 4:48H. Foley?

  That's so funny.

• 4:49Speaker 01

  Before I wanna take my life.

• 4:50H. Foley?

  I was just thinking about that, that I would like to hear some R E M.

• 4:53Speaker 01

  Oh my god.

• 4:54H. Foley?

  I'm getting back into them.

• 4:55Speaker 01

  Good, it's good. You can get back into them on your time.

• 4:58H. Foley?

  I saw Michael Shannon, uh, covering, um, Driver 8. I think that's the name of the song.

• 5:04Speaker 01

  You guys hear that? I'm trying to plug a goddamn tour over here. You're talking about washed up rockers.

• 5:09H. Foley?

  Well, talk to me about it.

• 5:10Speaker 01

  Um, I forget all the details. No, um, guys, uh, the new tour starts in March.

• 5:17H. Foley?

  Let's go. Let's fucking go.

• 5:18Speaker 01

  Uh, March 8th, we're gonna be at the, uh, we're gonna be in Pontiac, Michigan. Uh, and then, uh, Monday, March 10th, we're gonna be at Helium Comedy Club in Indianapolis, Indiana.

• 5:27H. Foley?

  Back in Indy. Very nice.

• 5:29Speaker 01

  Then we're going to Milwaukee, uh, Wisconsin, and then we're going to Madison, Wisconsin.

• 5:34H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 5:34Speaker 01

  Then we're going to Minneapolis, Minnesota. And then in April, we're doing a Pittsburgh improv out there, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. And then we're going to Cleveland to do hilarities.

• 5:43H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 5:44Speaker 01

  And then in July, we're taking it down ashore to Atlantic City, New Jersey, the music box at the Borgata.

• 5:49H. Foley?

  How about that?

• 5:50Speaker 01

  Shake 'em up, shake 'em up, shake 'em up.

• 5:52H. Foley?

  Clackety clack. Let's go. I'm still on a heater from fucking Parks.

• 5:56Speaker 01

  I know.

• 5:57H. Foley?

  I'll continue that down ashore. But first, man, talk about a salt of the earth run.

• 6:02Speaker 01

  That is. That's middle America, baby. That's fucking, weep, weep, weep. We're hitting all the B-level cities you got.

• 6:09H. Foley?

  Back to the roots, baby.

• 6:10Speaker 01

  Back, back on the block tour. Uh, the boys are gonna be coming. If you don't, if you've never been to a live show, it's, uh, me and the big man do stand-up. We got an opener or two. And then we play A Y G with the crowd. It's a good frickin' time. I suggest you come. If you've been, come back, baby. We wanna, we wanna see you again.

• 6:24H. Foley?

  I genuinely...

• 6:25Speaker 01

  Also...

• 6:27Speaker 01

  Not for nothing, these shows are gonna sell out pretty quick, so act now. Promo code garbage to get access. Pre-sale starts today, if you're gonna listen to this when it comes out.

• 6:36H. Foley?

  What is a pre-sale exactly?

• 6:37Speaker 01

  I'm not really sure. They make you do it, they give you dates, I don't know, just buy the tickets.

• 6:42H. Foley?

  So they go on sale, they're on sale till when? 10 o'clock Thursday night?

• 6:46Speaker 01

  Listen, I'm not sure. They're on, maybe. I don't know.

• 6:49H. Foley?

  Get them tickies.

• 6:50Speaker 01

  Just buy the tickets, promo code garbage.

• 6:52H. Foley?

  Come see the boys. I'm juiced up. Let's fucking, get the fuck outta here.

• 6:55Speaker 01

  I know.

• 6:56H. Foley?

  This hoodie breaking my balls all the time.

• 6:58Speaker 01

  The whole town in my rearview.

• 7:00H. Foley?

  Let's go.

• 7:00Speaker 01

  It's gonna be a good time, I'm fucking stoked. I love these cities. So this is, we've done all of these cities already in the past.

• 7:06H. Foley?

  Man, I saw my goddamn special there.

• 7:08Speaker 01

  Madison.

• 7:09H. Foley?

  Yeah, that one.

• 7:09Speaker 01

  Madison, so it's like, these are some of the cities that we were like, we love, these shows are always some of the funnest of the runs. They're fantastic, they're great comedy towns. It's gonna be a rough and tumble ride.

• 7:21H. Foley?

  Pontiac, Michigan.

• 7:23Speaker 01

  Pontiac, Michigan, baby. Talk about the down and outs.

• 7:26H. Foley?

  The first of March.

• 7:27Speaker 01

  Might as well be in.

• 7:28H. Foley?

  I love it. Let's fucking go.

• 7:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, so it'll be a good time.

• 7:32H. Foley?

  Snow still on the ground.

• 7:33Speaker 01

  Get those tickies, we can't wait to see yous out there.

• 7:36H. Foley?

  Absolutely.

• 7:37Speaker 01

  All the clubs, we do meet and greets, we meet all the homies and all the bozies. Yeah, it's been a minute, we've been a minute since we've been in.

• 7:44H. Foley?

  Really getting back to our roots, aren't we?

• 7:46Speaker 01

  Back to the roots, you know what?

• 7:47H. Foley?

  That's what it's all about, yeah. Who needs tour buses and all that crap? Give me a minivan with a donut on it. And you crushing some corn nuts or something like that, yelling at me.

• 7:58Speaker 01

  I'm a gummy bear, man, everybody knows that about me. But yeah, you can grab those tickets, all tickets available at arugarbage.com, or in the link in the bio on the socials.

• 8:08H. Foley?

  Let's go, I love it.

• 8:09Speaker 01

  I got a little something before we get started here.

• 8:12H. Foley?

  What can we do for you?

• 8:13Speaker 01

  I sent Lucas a-

• 8:14H. Foley?

  My door's always open to you.

• 8:15Speaker 01

  I sent Lucas a picture, now, listen. I, you know, we both come from very garbage stock, you know what I mean? Cars haven't always been the best cars, you know, I've only ever had one new car, that was a Kia. That got stolen.

• 8:30H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 8:30Speaker 01

  So I don't judge people on their cars at all, right? I get it, I've been down and out, I've spray painted my car to cover up damage, I've duct taped my car. I've done it all. That being said, I think there is a limit.

• 8:47Speaker 01

  To the amount of damage a car should have and still be on the road. I think that's a fair assessment.

• 8:54H. Foley?

  Yeah, you can't, it can't look like a fucking old Matchbox car. You can't have the hood off or anything like that.

• 8:59Speaker 01

  This car, this car that I'm gonna show you.

• 9:02H. Foley?

  Uh huh.

• 9:03Speaker 01

  I swear to God, is still in use. It, he moves it, whoever, it's in different parking spots all the time. He moves it for alternate side parking. So this is an active.

• 9:13H. Foley?

  This is in the city.

• 9:14Speaker 01

  This is in the city, this is in New York City.

• 9:16H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 9:16Speaker 01

  Active car in the city.

• 9:19H. Foley?

  The modern day Rome.

• 9:20Speaker 01

  The, what?

• 9:21H. Foley?

  That's what they say.

• 9:22Speaker 01

  I don't know. Who you hanging out with? Bex, Rome, what are you fucking talking, who's Bex? We gonna get a Peroni?

• 9:28H. Foley?

  A Peroni?

• 9:29Speaker 01

  The beer.

• 9:29H. Foley?

  I'd like a Peroni.

• 9:31Speaker 01

  What the hell is wrong with you?

• 9:32H. Foley?

  And you know what my favorite beer probably is, is that, uh, that Japanese, uh, was it acai or, acai?

• 9:38Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 9:39H. Foley?

  Super dry, that's delicious.

• 9:40Speaker 01

  Not gonna, not gonna work here, I'll tell you that much. This is, we are, we are an American Bilsner company, alright? A, an American lager, watered down, just like.

• 9:51H. Foley?

  Little bit of metal taste, when you pop the bottle with the cap off.

• 9:54Speaker 01

  Ooey! Some, some with a little, you ever pop that? You pop open like an old Budweiser, there's rust around the top.

• 10:00H. Foley?

  Oh, I hate that, man, that stinks.

• 10:03Speaker 01

  And you're like, oh.

• 10:03H. Foley?

  It's like you're drinking blood.

• 10:04Speaker 01

  It does. It's like you're eating pennies, dude. Going down on a.

• 10:09H. Foley?

  Tell you got two tree in ya. It don't matter.

• 10:11Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 10:12H. Foley?

  Alright, let's see it.

• 10:13Speaker 01

  Hit 'em. Look at that thing, dude. The gas tanks, the gas ta, it looks like a piano fell on it. It's got, it's, it's got that silver like thermal duct tape on it.

• 10:26H. Foley?

  Dude, that is insane. What is that around it?

• 10:30Speaker 01

  What?

• 10:31H. Foley?

  Is that a sheet?

• 10:32Speaker 01

  No, it's like a.

• 10:32H. Foley?

  It looks like those, that stretchy thing you cover a bad couch with.

• 10:35Speaker 01

  Sure, sure, those things. Steve, you got one of them. Those are like book covers, remember?

• 10:40H. Foley?

  Those are usually a weed dealer's house.

• 10:42Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 10:43H. Foley?

  Covering, covering a thing. You're sitting on that, you're taking a nap. Ever take a nap at your weed dealer's house? Pass out?

• 10:50Speaker 01

  Oh, man. You are not the customer of the month. Wake up with seeds in your hair and stuff.

• 10:55H. Foley?

  Wake up and the local news is just ending. I gotta get out of here, man. I did.

• 10:58Speaker 01

  What's he putting in there? You're taking a hit. Like, talking about into the couch. This guy's snoozing.

• 11:05H. Foley?

  That's not.

• 11:06Speaker 01

  That, dude.

• 11:07H. Foley?

  That's cake. That's not a real car. That's cake, right? Look at the side of that thing.

• 11:12Speaker 01

  Dude, that is.

• 11:13H. Foley?

  What is that?

• 11:14Speaker 01

  Well, I think it's like a, I don't know what it is.

• 11:16H. Foley?

  No, like the side where the tape is touching the white.

• 11:19Speaker 01

  So this is.

• 11:19H. Foley?

  That's not fiberglass or a regular metal car.

• 11:22Speaker 01

  No, so the problem, let's, let's put a pin in it. The problem is it's a convertible. The back window is blown out with along some of the top of the convertible. So they've replaced that with like a blue tarpish. That can't be waterproof. That cannot be waterproof, dude. The gas, I, it's like, what are you?

• 11:42H. Foley?

  That's a real nice neighborhood you live in there.

• 11:44Speaker 01

  That's, what are you talking about? That's a goddamn Hudson River right there. That's a goddamn Palisade you're looking at.

• 11:48H. Foley?

  You took that picture in the middle of the summer. The leaves won't grow.

• 11:52Speaker 01

  That was at two in the morning. Those are the cop lights.

• 11:55H. Foley?

  Is that Sherwood Forest?

• 11:56Speaker 01

  Um, that's, uh, I mean, I don't know.

• 12:02H. Foley?

  That guy's jammed up.

• 12:03Speaker 01

  At what point do you just go like, I'm gonna get rid of this? Take the tax, donate the cars for kids or something.

• 12:08H. Foley?

  Needs to get her, cars for kids? This guy, dude, I wouldn't take that. This guy's jammed, probably a kid in that trunk.

• 12:13Speaker 01

  That's a couple hundred bucks junk. What can you get? I mean, what do we, we looked it up. You can get a junk car is like 200 bucks. Get you 150, 200 bucks.

• 12:19H. Foley?

  What is that, by the way? What kind of car?

• 12:22Speaker 01

  That's a 1980 POS.

• 12:26H. Foley?

  They still making that? I didn't know they came in white.

• 12:29Speaker 01

  Dude, he's got tape on the, I know you can't see. He's got tape on the dashboard too.

• 12:33H. Foley?

  Let's talk about the fucking gas tank.

• 12:35Speaker 01

  Imagine picking up a broad in that for a date. I'm out front. You can't miss me, lady.

• 12:43Speaker 01

  I hope you brought your driving goggles.

• 12:46H. Foley?

  Cloud of smoke coming down the street.

• 12:49Speaker 01

  That's insane dude. What? Dude, that is, that is now for the Northeast. It's like, you could have the broken roof if you lived in like Santa Fe desert or something. You know what I mean? Somewhere you're not getting a lot of precipitation. This is the fucking Northeast in the goddamn winter. You gotta be freezing your balls off.

• 13:07H. Foley?

  Can I say this?

• 13:08Speaker 01

  Please.

• 13:09H. Foley?

  Can I say this?

• 13:10Speaker 01

  I'm listening.

• 13:11H. Foley?

  It seems more often than not, the road of the convertible is paved in disappointment.

• 13:22Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 13:23H. Foley?

  More often than not, this is how

• 13:26Speaker 01

  They end up.

• 13:27H. Foley?

  The guy who get any ti- you see a guy getting a convertible and you just know, life's not gonna work out for you, man.

• 13:36Speaker 01

  That makes so much sense. My mom had one.

• 13:38H. Foley?

  Dude, it's just like-

• 13:40Speaker 01

  It's the last act of a desperate man.

• 13:42H. Foley?

  You don't get the convertible. I mean, the dental practice has to be going real well.

• 13:49Speaker 01

  There's about 5% of people who have them that can pull them off.

• 13:52H. Foley?

  Yeah, cuz you're just not a convertible. You know, behind that smile is just sadness and pain.

• 14:00Speaker 01

  Past two bills.

• 14:05Speaker 01

  That guy's jammed up.

• 14:06H. Foley?

  You're still paying for a Ninja blender, six easy payments, and you pull up in the convertible? That's how things end for guys that get convertibles. No matter what.

• 14:16Speaker 01

  You're not wrong.

• 14:17H. Foley?

  Cuz nobody takes them back. Do they still make convertibles? Are we still doing this?

• 14:22Speaker 01

  I don't really can find out what, I'm not, I mean, I'm sure like Mercedes, they got the drop tops, I'm sure.

• 14:28H. Foley?

  That's different. That thing's in there. Oh yeah, we, I read it one.

• 14:31Speaker 01

  What?

• 14:32H. Foley?

  I lived like that for a little while.

• 14:33Speaker 01

  That's, there you go. Your theory checks out.

• 14:36H. Foley?

  Man. Yeah, that, yeah, that. If you're driving that.

• 14:41Speaker 01

  The Mazda MX-5 Miata, a Miata's gotta have a drop top. You gotta let the hair fly when you're driving a Miata. Otherwise, you're not gonna pick up the chicks.

• 14:49H. Foley?

  Otherwise, you waste all that money on Bosley.

• 14:53Speaker 01

  All for nothing. You're jumping out of a pool into your, into your convertible.

• 14:56H. Foley?

  I figured you would know Bosley.

• 14:58Speaker 01

  The hell does that mean? What? I got a TV. Sure, what up?

• 15:02H. Foley?

  I can't sleep some nights.

• 15:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, they get you early. They get you in the middle of the night.

• 15:06H. Foley?

  No, the BMW is down there.

• 15:07Speaker 01

  So Mercedes-Benz, a Porsche, an Audi, a Chevy Corvette. I'll give you those. Those are, those are, you're allowed to have a convertible.

• 15:18H. Foley?

  Those'll kinda hang in there. The guy in the vet, eh, he's maybe has some child support payments that he hasn't paid.

• 15:25Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 15:26H. Foley?

  Possibly has a Dewey. Now, if you're zipping around, that's a Miata. That's not bad.

• 15:32Speaker 01

  That ain't good.

• 15:33H. Foley?

  I don't know about that. You see Uncle Hank zipping around in that thing?

• 15:37Speaker 01

  You see us stuck in it, sure. What are you talking about?

• 15:41H. Foley?

  I'm sticking up above the windshield.

• 15:43Speaker 01

  You gotta have a drop top. You gotta, you gotta, you gotta lower, you get lowered into that thing.

• 15:48Speaker 03

  It's a poor man's Alfa Romeo, I think.

• 15:49H. Foley?

  I tell you what, they look a lot better than the ones in the, in the 2000s and 90s.

• 15:54Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, of course, everything.

• 15:55H. Foley?

  That tan one's pretty sweet, that one. That's not bad.

• 15:58Speaker 01

  That is, they are, they are, they are the poor man's Porsche.

• 16:01H. Foley?

  I mean, yeah, you're, you're trying to look like a Porsche.

• 16:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's just, that's like a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a Porsche.

• 16:07H. Foley?

  But, okay, go back to fucking the white wonder there. That's not it.

• 16:12Speaker 01

  What?

• 16:13H. Foley?

  That's not, that's not, first of all, that's not really a convertible.

• 16:18Speaker 01

  That's no, I would argue that's borderline no longer a car. That is not a complete car.

• 16:23H. Foley?

  No, forget about the damage. I'm saying when you, like, when that guy bought that, he, you know, things were looking up.

• 16:29Speaker 01

  You know, for sure. You know what I liked?

• 16:31H. Foley?

  Right, things, things were, I mean, this is really, he's got his convertible. Man.

• 16:38Speaker 01

  He had his whole life ahead of him.

• 16:39H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 16:41Speaker 01

  At what, but like, the thing I don't get, right, listen, that car's down bad. That car, that guy's probably down pretty bad.

• 16:48H. Foley?

  About that, a little, yeah, it's fucking down bad.

• 16:50Speaker 01

  I was gonna, I was gonna be like, we have to cancel the show. I don't know what this guy's talking about.

• 16:53H. Foley?

  There's no way those tail legs work.

• 16:56Speaker 01

  No, but he's moving it, so he's gotta, he's gotta go get gas and some, like, that thing's, I don't know if he's taking it to work. I do see it parked a lot. I've never seen it moving, but it's all over the neighborhood. He's moving it back and forth. Ah, at what point, what is?

• 17:10H. Foley?

  Can you track this guy down and do a little impromptu interview with him on the street? Hey, man, I just wanna talk to you for a little bit.

• 17:15Speaker 01

  Right. He's gonna have me at knife point going through my wallet. What are you talking about? That guy needs cash.

• 17:21H. Foley?

  Man, God love him.

• 17:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:23H. Foley?

  He's doing what he's gotta do. For some reason, he's gotta hang on to that fucking thing.

• 17:28Speaker 01

  But what's the reason?

• 17:29H. Foley?

  I don't know.

• 17:30Speaker 01

  The gas tank.

• 17:31H. Foley?

  You to find out.

• 17:31Speaker 01

  It looks like there's a Molotov cocktail hanging out of that thing.

• 17:34H. Foley?

  He was trying to get somebody trying to burn him out of that thing.

• 17:37Speaker 01

  And it's gotten progressively worse, because it used to be still like taut in the back. I think the snow really, really took the structural integrity of that back cloth out. It's gotta be colder as shit in there, dude. It's gotta be.

• 17:51H. Foley?

  Going down to Henry Hudson?

• 17:52Speaker 01

  Oh, my God. The heat don't work in there. Oh, Joe.

• 17:57H. Foley?

  God damn.

• 17:58Speaker 01

  You probably gotta start a small fire to keep warm in there.

• 18:00H. Foley?

  Today's episode is sponsored by Acorns. Yeah, and I ain't just a pitch man. I'm a client, baby.

• 18:06Speaker 01

  Uh huh. Kid's in the markets.

• 18:07H. Foley?

  I'm in them. I'm sitting pretty over there. You don't want to know what I got company when I'm 88 years old.

• 18:12Speaker 01

  What time's it in Beijing right now, big man?

• 18:14H. Foley?

  Woo! Check the markets, check the numbers. What's up? What's down? Who cares? Get in an Acorns, baby. I'm invested. I'm an investor.

• 18:23Speaker 01

  We got the big man thinking about the future. And listen, if he can do it, anybody can do it. Acorns makes it easy to start automatically saving and investing, so your money has a chance to grow for you, your kids, and your retirement, baby.

• 18:34H. Foley?

  They really do.

• 18:35Speaker 01

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• 18:55H. Foley?

  Can't have access to it. Can't have it right there.

• 18:58Speaker 01

  You can't be in a checking account. Get it out. Put it away for a rainy day, like a little Acorn. Go squirrel it away, baby. I'm telling you, it has changed the way I look at money. It is fucking frickin' fantastic. Head to acorns.com/garbage or download the Acorns app and start saving and investing for your future today. Paid client endorsement, compensation provides incentives to positively promote Acorns. Tier one compensation provided. Investing involves risk. Acorns Advisors LLC and SEC registered investment advisor. View important disclosures at acorns.com/garbage. Do it.

• 19:33H. Foley?

  Do it. Okay, let's talk about iRestor.

• 19:35Speaker 01

  iRestor.

• 19:36H. Foley?

  Activate. Let's go. Gang, the holidays may be over, but it's never too late to give yourself what you really need, what you really want. Treat yourself with the iRestor Elite and get the hair regrowth solution you actually deserve. This isn't just a gadget, it's a powerful FDA cleared laser cap designed to fight thinning hair and hair loss with clinically proven, proven results with 282 lasers and LEDs delivering light therapy to your scalp. It's like a spa day for your hair follicles.

• 20:09Speaker 01

  Follicles engaged, strengthening from the core. Listen, gang, don't take it from my good haired friend over here. If you're like me and your stuff is thinning or running, you always look back and go, I wish I got ahead of it before I did.

• 20:25H. Foley?

  Thinning and running.

• 20:26Speaker 01

  Which you could use a part of, baby. Be a little thin and runny. I mean, how you doing? Guys, listen, a hair loss is not a joking, is not a funny matter. This is a comedy podcast, but we take it serious.

• 20:37H. Foley?

  It's an epidemic in this country.

• 20:38Speaker 01

  We take it serious. Now's the perfect time to treat yourself. For a limited time only, our listeners get $625 off their iRestor Elite when you use the code AYG at irestorelaser.com. That's $625 off your iRestor Elite at irestorelaser.com with the promo code AYG. Please support the show and tell them we sent you. Hair loss is frustrating. Take it from me, I know. You gotta get out in front of it. You don't have to fight it alone. Thanks to iRestor, we thank iRestor.

• 21:05H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm. There was that, there was that time. Anybody that was like friends with my parents, like their age, that bought the not convertible convertible.

• 21:17Speaker 01

  What do you mean the not convertible?

• 21:18H. Foley?

  That, that's a not convertible. Your mom's sea bring. That's not really, it's a convertible.

• 21:22Speaker 01

  You watch your mouth about the goddamn sea bring.

• 21:24H. Foley?

  It's a convertible, but you just, it's, that's, that's how they all end up. Or in a river somewhere, a lake.

• 21:32Speaker 01

  What's a rag top?

• 21:34H. Foley?

  That's a rag top.

• 21:35Speaker 01

  I don't think so.

• 21:36H. Foley?

  Yeah, it is. A rag top is fucking a soft top.

• 21:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, but I think it's just the tie. I don't think the whole thing goes back. I could be wrong.

• 21:46H. Foley?

  Rag top, a car with a roof that can be folded down. Yeah, it's just, just different terms. What the kids called them back in the 50s.

• 21:52Speaker 03

  But I think that's when you have to do it yourself. Like you have to unlatch it and then like bring it down yourself.

• 21:57Speaker 01

  Well, there's also the ones that just through the middle, it's like the sunroof, but it's like the rag top. And then there's the cars, like the old school, like Cadillac, not the old, like the Cadillacs from like the 80s and 90s, had the cloth top but weren't convertibles. You know what I mean? That's what I thought of rag. That's a little bit of class where I come from.

• 22:16H. Foley?

  I know what you're talking about.

• 22:17Speaker 01

  Those things are alright. I saw a loom with one one time when I was, I was in driving my other loom. It was me and Vinny that's a skinny coming up the AC Expressway from Wildwood. And we passed like a, like a light blue loom with the cloth top, but not the convertible.

• 22:32H. Foley?

  That's hard underneath.

• 22:33Speaker 01

  That's like a signature series or something. That thing's real nice.

• 22:36H. Foley?

  Eddie Bauer edition.

• 22:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, that thing, you drink with your pinky up when you're driving that, that thing's alright.

• 22:42H. Foley?

  The Mossimo series.

• 22:44Speaker 01

  Mossimo.

• 22:46H. Foley?

  Isn't that a company?

• 22:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, but I mean, they, they sold like surfer t-shirts.

• 22:50H. Foley?

  Yeah, I know exactly what you're talking, usually have like an emblem on it or like some kind of special light.

• 22:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, it had like a, you know, the, the Mark IV or whatever. Like remember those things were big. My buddy had a Mark IV. My neighbor had a Mark IV or Mark, see what the marks were. They were trucks. It'd be like Mark IV, Mark V, Mark III.

• 23:08H. Foley?

  Vans did them a lot too.

• 23:12Speaker 01

  No, I don't, Mark IV.

• 23:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, there were, it was like a, see, it was like an Eddie Bauer.

• 23:21Speaker 01

  Whatever.

• 23:21H. Foley?

  That's, do some fucking in there.

• 23:23Speaker 01

  Dude, I want to buy us a, I, I look at them probably bi-weekly, buying us a conversion van.

• 23:29H. Foley?

  How would we get it out to where we're going?

• 23:31Speaker 01

  What do you mean?

• 23:32H. Foley?

  So like, so let's take the new tour for example. We're gonna get a minivan. We're gonna be zipping around.

• 23:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:38H. Foley?

  What if we?

• 23:38Speaker 01

  Are you gonna, listen, if you're trying to convince me to buy a fucking conversion van this week, you don't gotta do any convincing.

• 23:44H. Foley?

  We could have it meet us in Indianapolis.

• 23:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:47H. Foley?

  Then how do we get it back?

• 23:48Speaker 01

  Have someone drive it back.

• 23:50H. Foley?

  That's pretty good.

• 23:51Speaker 01

  That's not bad, right? Wait, hold on. I didn't think, I thought it was gonna be a harder sell to you.

• 23:56H. Foley?

  What?

• 23:56Speaker 01

  We might have to do this.

• 23:57H. Foley?

  I fucking grew up on, my whole dream is to drive around the country with my boys in a van.

• 24:02Speaker 01

  Really shoot, really aim high, huh, big dog?

• 24:05H. Foley?

  The A-Team. That was my favorite show when I was a kid.

• 24:08Speaker 01

  Alright, get it, alright, Luke, get on, get on conversion vans. Used.

• 24:14Speaker 01

  Ragdoll.

• 24:15H. Foley?

  I don't think they sell them new.

• 24:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're like, they're like Sprinter-esque. They're like new. They're like big nice John's.

• 24:21H. Foley?

  Really?

• 24:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. For sure. They're like more camper.

• 24:24H. Foley?

  Facebook?

• 24:24Speaker 01

  Facebook? What are you doing in Facebook Marketplace?

• 24:27H. Foley?

  They're gonna take our information, you nuts?

• 24:29Speaker 01

  Dude.

• 24:29H. Foley?

  Fucking idiot.

• 24:30Speaker 01

  Who are you, Patty? I tell you to buy a car, you go to fucking Facebook Marketplace?

• 24:34H. Foley?

  I just need my social.

• 24:35Speaker 01

  How much is it?

• 24:36H. Foley?

  Go to a reliable thing.

• 24:37Speaker 01

  So, we can have, we can have Ryan D. drive it out. It's not that far. What's here to Detroit? Probably 12 hours?

• 24:44H. Foley?

  Or buy, how about we buy, I'm sure they're probably floating around Pontiac left and right.

• 24:48Speaker 01

  I'm not, I'm not flying out there and buying a car sight unseen.

• 24:51H. Foley?

  Wait, didn't you do that with the Lumina? You didn't, you didn't see that?

• 24:55Speaker 01

  What?

• 24:56H. Foley?

  You never saw the-

• 24:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm not living in the Lumina either. I'm also not driving the Lumina across country.

• 25:00H. Foley?

  Fair enough.

• 25:02Speaker 01

  Look at that.

• 25:03H. Foley?

  That's too worky.

• 25:04Speaker 01

  No. The one on the, yeah, they get like Sprinter-ish. No, the one on the-

• 25:08H. Foley?

  No, get out of here.

• 25:09Speaker 01

  No, no, no, I got you. Go down. Right there. Right, that, over one. Yeah, right there. Chevrolet conversion van, Explorer Limited, four-wheel drive, seat seven.

• 25:19H. Foley?

  Nice.

• 25:19Speaker 01

  Pop in there. Let me see the inter-, look at that thing!

• 25:22H. Foley?

  That thing's sweet.

• 25:24Speaker 01

  Fuck, give me, let me see the interior. I don't fucking see the, the back of it. Click on one of the interiors, you bugger.

• 25:29H. Foley?

  Look!

• 25:30Speaker 01

  This guy stinks.

• 25:31H. Foley?

  Ah, there we go. Okay.

• 25:33Speaker 01

  Look at that, me and you in the front seat.

• 25:34H. Foley?

  Woo!

• 25:35Speaker 01

  I gotta start smoking again.

• 25:37H. Foley?

  Keep going, keep going.

• 25:37Speaker 01

  Dude, I'm smoking heaters if we, if we get this. That's got a hitch?

• 25:42H. Foley?

  Keep going.

• 25:44H. Foley?

  She, show me the inside.

• 25:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, what it-

• 25:46H. Foley?

  They're, they're hiding something.

• 25:48Speaker 01

  Oh, we can, dude, we can lay it down and fucking it, man.

• 25:51H. Foley?

  Nah, I want it, I want it where it's like a-

• 25:54Speaker 01

  Captain's chairs.

• 25:54H. Foley?

  Like a party back there where you can turn the seats and talk and shit.

• 25:57Speaker 01

  That's a, wha, wha-

• 25:58H. Foley?

  With a table.

• 25:59Speaker 01

  What are you, the, like, an executive for General Electric? Who has that?

• 26:02H. Foley?

  Wants to be the 80.

• 26:05H. Foley?

  We'll get some Kalashnikovs, real shiny ones. Put them in a footlocker in the back, that's what they used.

• 26:10Speaker 01

  I'm telling you, this might be pretty sick. Yeah, the interior right there.

• 26:14H. Foley?

  Nobody ever called the A-Team out for using AKs.

• 26:17Speaker 01

  I mean...

• 26:17H. Foley?

  They used AK-47s. They were goddamn Vietnam vets. They should have been using M16s.

• 26:22Speaker 01

  It's a, it's a, no, it's a superior product, everybody knows it. That banana clip coming. Call me Chiquita, baby, cuz I got bananas.

• 26:31H. Foley?

  Alright, we need a couple of those.

• 26:34Speaker 01

  Uh...

• 26:34H. Foley?

  That thing stinks!

• 26:35Speaker 01

  What are you, nuts, dude?

• 26:36H. Foley?

  Do those seats turn?

• 26:37Speaker 01

  The whole turn?

• 26:39H. Foley?

  There's no table for the coke. Need a little blow table.

• 26:43Speaker 01

  A little BT.

• 26:44H. Foley?

  That's alright. Luke stinks at looking at these though.

• 26:46Speaker 01

  Luke, what's that going for?

• 26:47Speaker 03

  Uh, 46.

• 26:49H. Foley?

  Grand?

• 26:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, man, we're out. What's that come do? See, give me a loan on 46 grand. A car loan on 46 grand, we'll check back in with you.

• 26:57H. Foley?

  Can we lease one?

• 26:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, lease one? Nah, just buy it. I think there's a tax thing where you can write off a bunch of it then.

• 27:05H. Foley?

  If we lease it or if we buy it?

• 27:06Speaker 01

  I think if you buy it.

• 27:07H. Foley?

  Okey. Yeah, I don't like something new like that. Ah, that's nice though. Take a peek into that, if that's okay.

• 27:17H. Foley?

  Imagine the boys pulling up the fucking...

• 27:18Speaker 01

  That would be a good dude.

• 27:20H. Foley?

  The Pittsburgh Improv in that?

• 27:22Speaker 01

  That's a fuck, we might have to do this. Dude, it's got, it's got shades on it, it's got window treatments. What's more fucking RU garbage than rolling around show to show in a fucking conversion van? It's pretty sick.

• 27:35H. Foley?

  See if they can get a convertible.

• 27:39Speaker 01

  I think, alright, I'm seriously, I didn't, I thought you were gonna be a tougher sell.

• 27:42H. Foley?

  10 years when the bottom drops out, we're still driving that thing or that's all fucked up?

• 27:46Speaker 01

  Of course. That's a nice car. Alright, we might be, alright, okay. This might just be fun.

• 27:52Speaker 03

  57 for that one.

• 27:53Speaker 01

  57 grand. Find out the, alright, we'll come back to you, but find out the...

• 27:57H. Foley?

  2019, Dan.

• 27:58Speaker 01

  Find out the loan payment on a 50, a $50,000 car. What I can get.

• 28:03H. Foley?

  And just for shits and giggles, can you do this? Can you look up and see what the 2025 conversion van scene looks like? You got car payment calculator?

• 28:14Speaker 01

  Oh, it's a scene, man.

• 28:15H. Foley?

  This is never good.

• 28:16Speaker 01

  I'm not trading anything in.

• 28:18H. Foley?

  Who's this, Luke? What's his bank?

• 28:21Speaker 01

  Uh, it's just a, it's just a, dude, you're in the ads now, man.

• 28:23H. Foley?

  Oh, you're fucked.

• 28:25Speaker 01

  Just go to Google, there should be a Google one.

• 28:27H. Foley?

  They already got our stuff. Great, great job Luke.

• 28:32Speaker 03

  I thought we were coming back to me.

• 28:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, we are. So well, fucking Foley gets his autistic brain.

• 28:38H. Foley?

  I see numbers.

• 28:39Speaker 01

  Hey, don't look over there, look over here.

• 28:40H. Foley?

  He's putting the industry as agriculture. You fucking dude.

• 28:45Speaker 01

  Alright, let him be, stop it. He's not good under pressure. Um, that might be, that might be the bad, talk about back on the block tour. The boys rolling up in a, in a conversion van?

• 28:57H. Foley?

  I like it.

• 28:57Speaker 01

  Cooler full of beers in the back?

• 28:58H. Foley?

  On the east coast, we can just drive.

• 29:00Speaker 01

  Of course.

• 29:01H. Foley?

  Head up to Boston, Rochester.

• 29:04Speaker 01

  Talking about shows that aren't booked yet, relax. Spend a week.

• 29:08H. Foley?

  You pull into Rochester and the roads will be jumping out the windows.

• 29:11Speaker 01

  Sure, sure, sure, sure.

• 29:13H. Foley?

  I like it.

• 29:14Speaker 01

  Uh, but all that's either here or another, we'll check back with Luke. Wait, you got a monthly payment of 2,400 bucks?

• 29:19H. Foley?

  It's 24,000. What do you got us tied up in here?

• 29:22Speaker 03

  Two year for the, to pay it back.

• 29:25Speaker 01

  Two years? What am I, made of money? A fucking, I give a six year lease?

• 29:29H. Foley?

  61 months. Like a gentleman.

• 29:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:32Speaker 03

  1,000.

• 29:33Speaker 01

  There we go, I can swing 1,000 for 60 months.

• 29:37H. Foley?

  I'll chip in 40.

• 29:39Speaker 01

  I got five on it.

• 29:42H. Foley?

  That's not a bad idea.

• 29:44Speaker 01

  I mean, just for fun, uh...

• 29:46H. Foley?

  How much would it cost to drive out, okay, let's say theoretically, how much you think it would roughly cost to drive it out from, from here? To wherever the first place that we're going?

• 29:56Speaker 01

  Pontiac.

• 29:57H. Foley?

  I know, but I'm just saying in general.

• 29:59Speaker 01

  Luke, NYC to Detroit, drive, I think it's probably like 12 hours. It's not that far on a map.

• 30:05Speaker 03

  10 hours.

• 30:05Speaker 01

  10 hours. I pay, we pay, we pay Ryan D. one day, 10 hour day, drives out there, we meet him, the boys are whipping all through the fucking midwest.

• 30:15H. Foley?

  Then we got, what are we doing with him?

• 30:16Speaker 01

  What do you mean?

• 30:17H. Foley?

  He's hanging?

• 30:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:18H. Foley?

  Alright.

• 30:21Speaker 01

  Need a wheel man. You're all sauced up.

• 30:24H. Foley?

  Plus he'll get used to driving the car.

• 30:27Speaker 01

  That's pretty good, I mean, we might have to do this actually. That's a pretty good time.

• 30:31H. Foley?

  It's not a bad idea.

• 30:32Speaker 01

  Listen, I've, I've been wanting to do this and if you're okay with it, I can keep it in the burbs.

• 30:38H. Foley?

  You're gonna park a van?

• 30:40Speaker 01

  Welcome to the neighborhood, dog.

• 30:43H. Foley?

  Kids welcome.

• 30:45Speaker 01

  Free candy sign on it.

• 30:47H. Foley?

  The back door is just always open. You're always just moving a couch out of the back of it with a, with a, the, the...

• 30:53Speaker 01

  The, the...

• 30:53H. Foley?

  Damn! A cast on your arm. Buffalo Bill, so he got the governor's order.

• 31:00Speaker 01

  He got there.

• 31:01H. Foley?

  Whatever.

• 31:02Speaker 01

  Uh...

• 31:02H. Foley?

  I love that.

• 31:03Speaker 01

  Alright, we might fucking have to do this.

• 31:06H. Foley?

  Cool.

• 31:06Speaker 01

  Uh, man, that just got, I love, I love a good...

• 31:09H. Foley?

  Can we get it painted?

• 31:10Speaker 01

  I love a, yeah.

• 31:11H. Foley?

  AYG colors?

• 31:12Speaker 01

  Nah, what are we, fuck, what are we, Power 99? Going up to do a street event or something?

• 31:18H. Foley?

  Painting like one of those cheap weed trucks in the city?

• 31:21Speaker 01

  It's just mine, your face, our eyes are all bloodshot.

• 31:25Speaker 01

  Got a garage, or a garbage pail on our head.

• 31:28H. Foley?

  Free lollipops at every purchase. Now, we could, it, it, is there any way?

• 31:34Speaker 01

  Listen.

• 31:35H. Foley?

  Is there, listen to me.

• 31:35Speaker 01

  Hold on, wait one second. But I apologize. To any homies and or bozos out there that work in the automotive sales industry...

• 31:47H. Foley?

  And or narcotics.

• 31:49Speaker 01

  In the tri-state area, they have a line on a good... I also like, but the problem is, these things break down. I mean, if our minivan breaks down that I rent it from Enterprise, that's fucking Enterprise's problem. This thing breaks down in fucking Toledo.

• 32:04H. Foley?

  It's gotta be a good car.

• 32:05Speaker 01

  Gotta be a good car. Someone can run. I don't, I mean, we don't need someone with 200,000 miles on it.

• 32:12H. Foley?

  Can we paint it the A-Team colors?

• 32:13Speaker 01

  See what a new one goes for.

• 32:15H. Foley?

  Would you do that?

• 32:16Speaker 01

  What?

• 32:16H. Foley?

  You wouldn't let me paint it the A-Team colors, would you?

• 32:19Speaker 01

  Uh...

• 32:20H. Foley?

  You know what the A-Team colors are?

• 32:21Speaker 01

  Is it black with the red?

• 32:22H. Foley?

  Yeah, the red stripe?

• 32:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, I would do it.

• 32:24H. Foley?

  Really?

• 32:25Speaker 01

  I mean, why not? You're paying for it.

• 32:27H. Foley?

  Ooh, that thing's sweet.

• 32:28Speaker 01

  81 grand! What's on it, I mean, an Escalade costs 81.

• 32:32H. Foley?

  What the fuck? Let's see the pictures. Let's take a look.

• 32:36Speaker 01

  You can see the inside, the inside's more important. That thing is pretty fucking sweet, dude.

• 32:40H. Foley?

  Why do you show this?

• 32:42Speaker 01

  Cause they're idiots.

• 32:43H. Foley?

  The air.

• 32:45Speaker 01

  Got good...

• 32:45H. Foley?

  Whoa!

• 32:47Speaker 01

  That's pretty nice.

• 32:48Speaker 03

  It's executive.

• 32:51Speaker 01

  Alright, I think, I mean, come on. It's got a globe on the headrest. We gotta do it. I'm an international businessman, goddamn.

• 32:57H. Foley?

  Whoa!

• 32:58Speaker 01

  That's it. Alright. Luke, earmark that one. We just bought a, we just bought a fucking conversion van.

• 33:05H. Foley?

  That's a 2024. That's brand new.

• 33:07Speaker 01

  How many miles on it?

• 33:09H. Foley?

  Probably nothing. Couldn't move that thing.

• 33:12Speaker 03

  Is that just 86 miles, or is that 86 miles away?

• 33:14Speaker 01

  I think it's 86 miles.

• 33:16H. Foley?

  Yeah, that's fucking, they, we didn't got lunch with it.

• 33:18Speaker 01

  No, no, no, because it's in Doylestown, Pennsylvania. It's 86 miles away.

• 33:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 33:21H. Foley?

  Ah, shit.

• 33:22Speaker 01

  Whatever. Alright. Everybody relax.

• 33:25H. Foley?

  Whoa, 1,400 a month.

• 33:28Speaker 01

  Alright.

• 33:28H. Foley?

  For 27 years. Okay, fair enough.

• 33:33Speaker 01

  Let your money work for you. Alright, all that's either here nor there. We may or may not be buying a conversion van for the back on the lot.

• 33:41Speaker 01

  I'm putting a cassette player in there.

• 33:44H. Foley?

  Yeah, right.

• 33:45Speaker 01

  Um, alright, let's get into it. We got a Gosh darn Family episode on our hands, guys. As you know, when you join the old Patreon over there, we will answer, uh, you get to, you get to ask your garbage questions. We answer it on the air. It is a good friggin' time. Um, alright, let's see. This one's just funny. This is from Kippy's Flap Red Catering. Longtime listener, first time caller. You's ever take a girl on a date in a drive-through car wash? Man.

• 34:07H. Foley?

  What the fuck?

• 34:07Speaker 01

  Hopefully you don't do it in that one, in that convertible, because you'd be jammed up. Um...

• 34:12H. Foley?

  That's the date?

• 34:13Speaker 01

  That's a good ti- I mean, I, you figure you're 16, maybe? I'm assuming you're a young kid. You got a car. You don't really know where to go. You wanna-

• 34:19H. Foley?

  Making a move in there.

• 34:20Speaker 01

  That's not bad, too.

• 34:21H. Foley?

  You only got like a minute and a half.

• 34:22Speaker 01

  No, but, that's all I need. No one can, that's all I need to be shot down.

• 34:27H. Foley?

  Okay, start backing out.

• 34:29Speaker 01

  I'm in the backseat naked? No, nothing?

• 34:32H. Foley?

  Drives itself!

• 34:33Speaker 01

  I move quick. All you gotta say, no one can see in there. You got the wish, you, you got all the, all the wa-

• 34:39H. Foley?

  The guy spraying, but it's part of the excitement.

• 34:42Speaker 01

  That's how I get my rocks off.

• 34:43H. Foley?

  Sure, boy's taking a peek at you.

• 34:45Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 34:46H. Foley?

  Don't let me do it.

• 34:47Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, that's, uh, I mean, that's, it's kitsch. Who doesn't love going in it, though?

• 34:53H. Foley?

  My favorite.

• 34:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, there's not many that you can do it anymore.

• 34:56H. Foley?

  So cozy about being in there. When the soap gets all over it and it gets like that, the, the, it dampens the sound. You're in your own little world, just you and her.

• 35:07Speaker 01

  Make a move?

• 35:08H. Foley?

  Make a move.

• 35:09Speaker 01

  I'm with it.

• 35:10H. Foley?

  You ever make out in a car?

• 35:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:13H. Foley?

  Have ya?

• 35:13Speaker 01

  Made out in a car?

• 35:14H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 35:15Speaker 01

  What am I, Amish? Yeah, who hasn't made out in a car?

• 35:18H. Foley?

  I don't know.

• 35:18Speaker 01

  He was a nice guy. He was my teacher, my gym teacher, Mr. Duncan.

• 35:25Speaker 01

  Shout out to Mr. Duncan, dude. Was it Mr. Duncan?

• 35:28H. Foley?

  Dunking that ass.

• 35:31Speaker 01

  Dunking his dick in my ass.

• 35:35Speaker 01

  Dunking his balls in my mouth. How you doing? Um, Mr. Duncan, I don't know if it was Duncan. Mr. I think there was a Dunn. There was a Mr. Whitmer. He was our classic gym teacher.

• 35:48H. Foley?

  There was always a Mr. Dunn.

• 35:49Speaker 01

  There was a-

• 35:50H. Foley?

  Or a Mrs. Dunn.

• 35:51Speaker 01

  There was a, there was a Mr. and Mrs. Dunn, not related. Mr. Dunn was a soccer coach who like, grew up with my uncles or something. I was always, "You're Larry, you're Larry's nephew," or so you get hit with something, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 36:02H. Foley?

  Your head's as big as he told me.

• 36:04Speaker 01

  It's big, bigger than I thought, kid. He's smoking. I ain't seen nothing like that since then. Alright, sorry, sir. On my way.

• 36:15H. Foley?

  Have they named that deformity yet?

• 36:19Speaker 01

  Uh, let's see here. Um, that's a good time, though. I, I do respect, uh, I do respect the car wash. That's, I, there's not that many that let you do it anymore. Right?

• 36:31H. Foley?

  Well, you gotta get out, cause you gotta do the fucking, they gotta do the inside.

• 36:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:35H. Foley?

  Which is a real gray area with car washes, can I tell you that?

• 36:40H. Foley?

  When I go to my, when I go to my guys, okay, when I, when I go to the car wash, I say, "Give me like the,

• 36:47Speaker 01

  Works.

• 36:48H. Foley?

  The in and out one, the works.

• 36:50Speaker 01

  It's always the works.

• 36:51H. Foley?

  I'll do the seal and whatever, the tires, I like the tires being done. But I say, "Really do the inside."

• 36:57Speaker 01

  It's a lot of, oh, french fries in between the seats.

• 37:00H. Foley?

  A lot of french fries, there's a lot of fucking crumpled up, you know, there's a lot of croissant shavings in there.

• 37:06Speaker 01

  Flakes, a lot of flakes.

• 37:07H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 37:07Speaker 01

  Poo tree fingernails.

• 37:09H. Foley?

  From a specific time, and I just had it done a week ago. Cause when we got back from fucking vacation, it looked like somebody had taken a shit all over the car. Like it was just, it was way dirtier than when we left. Like somebody went mud driving in it. But I assume it was just something in the garage. And you go over there, like a pipe or something like that. It looked like somebody had splatted my car.

• 37:30Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 37:31H. Foley?

  With something. It's really, it did.

• 37:33Speaker 01

  Might have been Mr. Duncan. Came over there, blasted you one.

• 37:36H. Foley?

  Chipping up my ass.

• 37:40H. Foley?

  Anyway.

• 37:42H. Foley?

  You say, do the inside, they kinda give you a little pushback. Like, like, oh, if you want the inside really done, you gotta get the detail.

• 37:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, sometimes like you'll see it, I don't, listen, I, my, my car's always a fucking mess. But I just did it not too long ago. And then you get in and like, you just see like, they did like one wipe over the dashboard. I'm like, you just made it look worse, cause I can see where you missed now. Before it was all just kinda dirty. And my eyes adjusted to it, and I didn't realize it. But now there's one clean streak where you, where your rag was.

• 38:11H. Foley?

  I, I stand there and I, I, you make sure that I tipped him, I give him 10 bucks.

• 38:16Speaker 01

  I don't, I don't understand why they do the bucket. My place does the bucket and like, they don't even like, address you for the cash. Like, they're just, you put it in the bucket, but I wanted to let you know I'm greasing you good, cause I grease good.

• 38:28H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 38:29Speaker 01

  But they don't.

• 38:29H. Foley?

  You want the points.

• 38:30Speaker 01

  They like scary off, and I'm like, hey, come back.

• 38:33H. Foley?

  I always hand it right to them, hey, thank you so much.

• 38:35Speaker 01

  Their net, dude, I, mine, they, they, five guys or girls, it's, it's very eclectic crew mine, my, my place has. It's all over, it's all different walks of life. It's crazy dude, everyone's all over it and then going on to the next one, it's, I don't like it.

• 38:49H. Foley?

  Gang, the show is sponsored by Liquid IV, baby.

• 38:52Speaker 01

  Liquid I-bezle.

• 38:52H. Foley?

  Woo, the best in the biz, do yourself a favor, if you're a little sicky, you're a little hungover, or you're doing the workout thing and you gotta keep the electrolytes up, Liquid IV is the one for you. Comes in a multitude.

• 39:05Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 39:07H. Foley?

  An enclave.

• 39:09Speaker 01

  I don't think that's right.

• 39:10H. Foley?

  Enclave?

• 39:10Speaker 01

  No.

• 39:11H. Foley?

  Um, a cornucopia.

• 39:13Speaker 01

  A cornucopia.

• 39:14H. Foley?

  A ray.

• 39:15Speaker 01

  Of flavors.

• 39:15H. Foley?

  Of flavors, delicious flavors, I'm talking about Concord grape, I'm talking about lemon lime, talking about sugar free peach. How you doing? Concord grape's my favorite, it's the best, listen, if you're out drinking, right before you go to bed.

• 39:29Speaker 01

  That's a kippy.

• 39:31H. Foley?

  That's a kippy?

• 39:31Speaker 01

  That's a kippy.

• 39:33H. Foley?

  Tippy says, "If you're out drinking,"

• 39:35Speaker 01

  Like I do.

• 39:37H. Foley?

  "Chug one of those before you go to bed. You're gonna wake up feeling fresh."

• 39:39Speaker 01

  It does the work while you're snoring, baby. But listen, I'm off the sauce a little bit. Now I use it. I only ever used to use them when I was hungover. Now I use them when I wake up and I'm not hungover.

• 39:49H. Foley?

  Great.

• 39:50Speaker 01

  I feel like a million bucks. Who knew? A little hydration makes you-

• 39:53H. Foley?

  Then you start with the waters.

• 39:54Speaker 01

  Woo, doggy.

• 39:55H. Foley?

  Feels good.

• 39:55Speaker 01

  It's better than a water. It's fantastic.

• 39:57H. Foley?

  Oh, come on.

• 39:58Speaker 01

  Uh, embrace your ritual with Extraordinary Hydration from Liquid IV. Get 20% off your first order of Liquid IV when you go to liquidiv.com. Use the code GARBAGE at checkout. That's 20% off your first order when you shop better hydration today using promo code GARBAGE at liquidiv.com. Do it.

• 40:13H. Foley?

  Yeah. Kev, we gotta talk about Shopify.

• 40:15Speaker 01

  Shopify.

• 40:16H. Foley?

  Now, they probably know about Shopify, but they might not know about Shopify, because if you bought something online from a good spot, they're probably using Shopify.

• 40:25Speaker 01

  Everyone's using Shopify.

• 40:25H. Foley?

  Because they're the industry leader.

• 40:27Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 40:27H. Foley?

  You know who else uses Shopify?

• 40:29Speaker 01

  We do. Yeah, we're a Shopify company, man.

• 40:31H. Foley?

  Best checkout in the game, baby. If you want to take your small business seriously, you gotta have Shopify. Otherwise, what are you doing?

• 40:37Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 40:38H. Foley?

  You might as well be selling jewelry out of the back of your trunk.

• 40:41Speaker 01

  Which ain't nothing wrong with it, but get on the web. Start, listen. Shopify, we have a lot of-

• 40:45H. Foley?

  The world wide web.

• 40:46Speaker 01

  We have, we have a lot-

• 40:47H. Foley?

  WWW.

• 40:48Speaker 01

  We have a lot of small businesses out there. A lot of people with side hustles.

• 40:51H. Foley?

  A lot of hustlers.

• 40:52Speaker 01

  A lot of woodworkers.

• 40:53H. Foley?

  A hustler.

• 40:53Speaker 01

  Craftsmen doing this, I'm doing that. Shopify can help your business in 2025. Listen, say you are selling, you know, jewelry out of your trunk. Get online. Let Shopify help you do that, baby. It is a fantastic product. It's the big man's store. We're doing it. We use it. You can get your store up and running easily with thousands of customizable templates. No coding or design skill required. Alls you need to do is drag and drop, beep boop, pop boop.

• 41:17H. Foley?

  I can do it.

• 41:17Speaker 01

  Big man can do it. He didn't, but he could.

• 41:19H. Foley?

  I could.

• 41:20Speaker 01

  Uh, if you don't act now, you're gonna regret if someone beats you to the idea. Don't kick yourself again. Do it. Take 2025 by the horns and go after it, baby. Established in 2025, has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? Sign up for your $1 per month trial at Shopify.com/garbage. All lowercase. Go to Shopify.com/garbage to start selling with Shopify today. Shopify.com/garbage. Do it. I like the cash in the hand.

• 41:45H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 41:46Speaker 01

  There you go.

• 41:46H. Foley?

  I always hand my-

• 41:47Speaker 01

  It's a one, but still.

• 41:48H. Foley?

  I hand my ticket back. Because they give you a ticket. Like, give them this. I put the 5 out of 10 in the ticket.

• 41:56H. Foley?

  Always.

• 41:56Speaker 01

  Also, like, whenever-

• 41:57H. Foley?

  I've stolen a bunch of their rags, too, by the way.

• 41:59Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 42:00H. Foley?

  Those little green chammies?

• 42:01Speaker 01

  I know.

• 42:02H. Foley?

  I got like four of them in my trunk. Ah, let me real quick.

• 42:04Speaker 01

  It's disgusting.

• 42:06H. Foley?

  Pull out of there. Those things are great.

• 42:07Speaker 01

  Um, yeah, you can also just like buy the- you can also just- they're like 99 cents for a pack of 10. We have them in here.

• 42:13H. Foley?

  These are worn out and ready to go, though.

• 42:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, with like other people's dirt and chemicals all over.

• 42:18H. Foley?

  Come on.

• 42:19Speaker 01

  You're in there blowing your nose with it and stuff. A little dabble, do ya?

• 42:23H. Foley?

  And I know they know, when they look in the trunk, that that's theirs.

• 42:28Speaker 01

  I also don't like that they go in the trunk. I got shit back there. You're fucking rooting around. A trunk is a sacred- but you ain't the cops. You need a warrant for that shit. You can't just go popping that.

• 42:37H. Foley?

  They're cleaning it.

• 42:38Speaker 01

  Nah. There's- a trunk is a person's private closet. That's not for- that's not for public people to see.

• 42:45H. Foley?

  You're crazy.

• 42:46Speaker 01

  No.

• 42:46H. Foley?

  What do you got going on? You got weed in here, Calvin?

• 42:49Speaker 01

  I mean, I-

• 42:50H. Foley?

  Ew!

• 42:50Speaker 01

  I'm just saying, the rest of the car is presented to go, "This is ready to be cleaned." I take all the shit that's in the car, the front of the car, and I put it in the trunk. That's my- it's my storage domicile.

• 43:02H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 43:03Speaker 01

  You know? And then they go popping that to do like the window. I'm like, whoa! That fucking- now all my business is out on Front Street.

• 43:10H. Foley?

  Dirty panties and dildos are in there.

• 43:13Speaker 01

  Vibrators fall off.

• 43:15H. Foley?

  Like the little teeth?

• 43:17Speaker 01

  It's a loner. The car's mine. The car's not mine.

• 43:20H. Foley?

  I had a conversion van coming, actually.

• 43:22Speaker 01

  Oh, did I ever tell you the time, uh, my dad rented a car for like months from Enterprise? Our car had gotten removed from our possession.

• 43:32H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 43:33Speaker 01

  Repo man came and took it. I believe. Now, looking back, I'm putting all the pieces together. I think that's what happened.

• 43:40H. Foley?

  A friend wasn't borrowing it.

• 43:41Speaker 01

  Sure. I was- I remember being like, "What's with-" whatever. He rented a car from Enterprise, 'cause like I guess the- whatever, I don't wanna get into it. I guess he was just like, "Ah, this is- this is 20 bucks a day at the- like, I can-"

• 43:55H. Foley?

  Aren't those payments just about as much as the car, though, at the end of the day?

• 43:59Speaker 01

  What do you mean?

• 44:00H. Foley?

  Like, to rent a car for a m- for a month?

• 44:03Speaker 01

  I'm sure. I- I don't know. I don't know. Whatever. I don't know why he was- listen, I don't know. But we were in a- a rental car for a long time, to the point where I remember Enterprise was like calling the house, being like, "But you still have that? You gotta- this was crazy."

• 44:19H. Foley?

  Do you remember what the plates were? You've told me this before, but do you- not the plates, but do you remember what the plates were? Were you driving around Pennsylvania with, like, Arizona plates?

• 44:26Speaker 01

  Oregon or something, yeah, probably, like a U-Haul. Those things are all- I didn't keep track of them fucking things.

• 44:31H. Foley?

  I don't know.

• 44:32Speaker 01

  Yeah. Nah, yeah, I just remember being like, "Jeez." This is- that's when it hit me, like, this ain't- who the- you know? It was a blue neon, too, if I remember correctly. It was a couple of times this had happened.

• 44:44Speaker 01

  I used to- I used to have to drive it to, like, pull up when I was working. We were all working together. I was like, pull up to, like, fucking supply houses or job sites, and then neon, blue neon. With, like, it had, like, blue on the wheels, too.

• 44:56Speaker 01

  It was like- it was when it was, like, trying to be like a Scion. You remember that? Like, those, like, there was like a light in it, and like, it was like a tricked-out neon. I mean, d- yeah. I mean, those things are sad. That thing kinda fucking whipped work, though, if I'm being honest with you. That thing- that thing's like a little go-kart, dude. Me and Vinnie with the skinny used to fucking, boop-boop. We'd go fucking scooting around in that thing. That was an alright time.

• 45:20H. Foley?

  The racing stripes are alright.

• 45:22Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 45:23H. Foley?

  We have to get some ti- i- if, for some reason, we ever would be able to pull off the fucking conversion van, we gotta get some type of paint job.

• 45:30Speaker 01

  Sure. I mean, we can get a loan. I mean, we can- I mean, we're- we can't buy it cash, but we can fucking- we can take on a car payment, where, I mean, we are a- we are a pretty successful company. We can- we can take on all car payment.

• 45:46H. Foley?

  I call shotgun and back right, at my discretion. Cause I'm gonna be able to open the door, and get out.

• 45:53Speaker 01

  This might- this might be sick. Right? The only thing is, you gotta get it out.

• 45:59H. Foley?

  If we get the AKs.

• 46:01Speaker 01

  Can't take them across state lines, dude.

• 46:04H. Foley?

  A-Team did it. They don't know.

• 46:05Speaker 01

  These guys are a couple of renegades, huh? That's a different time back then.

• 46:08H. Foley?

  Soldiers of fortune. Yeah, very true.

• 46:10Speaker 01

  Sure. Um, I don't think, uh- I think it could work. We just gotta find the right guy to get it out there and get it back.

• 46:21Speaker 01

  I don't know who that is. And it ain't me.

• 46:24H. Foley?

  I'll do it. I'll meet yous out there. Give me a couple of days to get my head clear. Clear my thoughts.

• 46:31Speaker 01

  Alright, man. You'd be jerking off in that thing like crazy. And you know it. You'd be wailing on yourself. You'd be taking yourself to the car wash if you catch my drift.

• 46:40H. Foley?

  I'd have that thing sold for drug money before I hit the GW.

• 46:45Speaker 01

  I see you in my neighborhood.

• 46:47H. Foley?

  Two days later.

• 46:48Speaker 01

  What the fuck? You're supposed to be in Pontiac, Michigan for the back on the block door.

• 46:52H. Foley?

  I'm sleeping in it.

• 46:54Speaker 01

  You're in that car. You're in the convertible. Hey, Kippy, I traded this straight up to some kid in town. Good deal.

• 47:04H. Foley?

  Bad news. Okay.

• 47:07Speaker 01

  Ah, damn, that's a good friggin' time. Um, alright, let's see here. This one's from Fat Court Public Defender.

• 47:15H. Foley?

  What?

• 47:16Speaker 01

  Is it garbage for my dad to refuse that he needs reading glasses and instead, he carried around a magnifying glass for 10 years? I've seen that in practice.

• 47:26H. Foley?

  That's worse, man.

• 47:28Speaker 01

  It's like, well, what are you, like a detective, all this stuff? Like a detective from the 1400s all of a sudden? That's insane. How do you think, like, what embarrassed? I'd be way more embarrassed pulling out a magnifying glass than a set of readers. I mean, readers are so commonly used at this point.

• 47:45H. Foley?

  Yeah. I have multifocal lenses in my contacts.

• 47:49Speaker 01

  What's that mean? Focus on multiple foods at a time.

• 47:53H. Foley?

  I can see your thoughts.

• 47:54Speaker 01

  Yikes.

• 47:56H. Foley?

  They're reading glasses inside the contacts, but they get real...

• 47:59Speaker 01

  Who are you, the Terminator? You got the little green, red thing. You're like a fighter jet's tracking system. I'm engaged, take the shot, take the shot.

• 48:13H. Foley?

  Yeah, if I looked down...

• 48:14Speaker 01

  Someone's on me, they're locked in. You're panicking.

• 48:16H. Foley?

  If I looked down...

• 48:18Speaker 01

  Really?

• 48:18H. Foley?

  Yeah, it's bifocal.

• 48:20Speaker 01

  We got them bifocal contacts?

• 48:22H. Foley?

  Bifocal contacts.

• 48:24Speaker 01

  Whoa.

• 48:25H. Foley?

  Yeah, I'm point, or I'm plus.

• 48:28Speaker 01

  500 pounds.

• 48:29H. Foley?

  1.75 reading. I don't know what that means, but that's what I need to read.

• 48:36H. Foley?

  However, they get mixed up a little bit, because they move, they do, they move around in your eyes.

• 48:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, no shit.

• 48:43H. Foley?

  And you can't really see shit well, especially on the phone. I'm doing like-

• 48:46Speaker 01

  Oh, you're not driving a van. This is crazy.

• 48:49H. Foley?

  Sometimes like I gotta hold it like that, or like I can't read.

• 48:54Speaker 01

  He blinked and then blinked again. You're like an alien.

• 48:57H. Foley?

  Like this is pretty good, but like I would have to like-

• 48:59Speaker 01

  Is it like the bottom half of the contact kinda?

• 49:02H. Foley?

  Yeah, like the closer I get it to it, I can't read that stuff, but if I move it away, I can see it. Point is, I'm thinking about ditching them and just going with the readers. Not the half readers, but you get full glasses and you just keep them here and you put them on.

• 49:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:17H. Foley?

  It's kinda distinguished for an older gentleman.

• 49:20Speaker 01

  I don't disagree. I think you, you, you play very young.

• 49:24H. Foley?

  Chick-stagging.

• 49:24Speaker 01

  You play very young. You look younger than you are.

• 49:27H. Foley?

  Which is weird with the guy got the readers. I'll think some-

• 49:29Speaker 01

  I'm just saying, I think it's gonna-

• 49:30H. Foley?

  Got hit with a bat.

• 49:31Speaker 01

  It's gonna age you quick. It's gonna visual, I listen, I think you look great.

• 49:35H. Foley?

  What'd you say?

• 49:37Speaker 01

  You're gonna be like, you're, you're gonna be like your, uh, your character from Uncle Daycare.

• 49:41H. Foley?

  Uh huh.

• 49:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, you, you, cause they hang, they, they, they hang on your nose and you looked at, it's, it's, I think it's gonna be a tough look for you.

• 49:48H. Foley?

  When a good looking older guy has them, they look good.

• 49:50Speaker 01

  Which you are not.

• 49:51H. Foley?

  I'm aware. Like when you see like Ruffalo or like a Timothy Olyphant fan.

• 49:56Speaker 01

  Oh, movie stars? You mean hot guy movie stars?

• 50:00H. Foley?

  Yeah, they look pretty cool doing it.

• 50:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:03H. Foley?

  But-

• 50:04Speaker 01

  You're gonna have the fucking, you might as well get a set of Rex bags. You're gonna have the string in the back. The croakies? Yeah.

• 50:10H. Foley?

  The ones that snap?

• 50:11Speaker 01

  Ah, man, I got, I got two triuncles that wear them things and they're like looking at a spark plug or something. They fucking, they pull it up. It's always like a mechanic-

• 50:19H. Foley?

  But that's when you know they mean business.

• 50:21Speaker 01

  That guy, that guy's working for a living.

• 50:23H. Foley?

  It's getting done.

• 50:23Speaker 01

  That guy, that guy, that guy ain't an accountant. He's, he's got grease on his fingers and there's a lot of stuff in his front pocket.

• 50:29H. Foley?

  But a magnifying glass.

• 50:31Speaker 01

  Nothing on that. The magnifying glass is crazy.

• 50:34H. Foley?

  That's crazy.

• 50:35Speaker 01

  I've seen it once on, I've seen it once on the Metro North when I was coming home from New Rochelle. A woman had it out looking at the newspaper. I was like, "Tuts." "You gotta buy you a set of readers. What are we doing here?" "This is crazy. You look like a bird. I'll never forget it."

• 50:48H. Foley?

  Honey, you need a two-piece and a fucking Brazilian. What's going on? Right? I don't know.

• 50:52Speaker 01

  Okay. What?

• 50:55H. Foley?

  Let's ever tighten it up a little bit. Young it down. No?

• 50:59Speaker 01

  I still not, I don't follow.

• 51:01H. Foley?

  You don't know what a two-piece and a Brazilian is? And you're telling me you're making out in a car?

• 51:05Speaker 01

  You're saying this girl once?

• 51:06H. Foley?

  This lady should.

• 51:08Speaker 01

  She should, she was like 80.

• 51:09H. Foley?

  Still.

• 51:11Speaker 01

  Okay. Alright, I'm just, I'm sorry, I got lost in the riff.

• 51:13H. Foley?

  Make an effort.

• 51:14Speaker 01

  Alright, I got lost in the riff.

• 51:15H. Foley?

  Put that away.

• 51:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, let's start with a pair of readers. And maybe a tube top. Wait, you jumped right to the two-piece.

• 51:22H. Foley?

  Still did a Brazilian. Cleaned it up down there.

• 51:26Speaker 01

  It is the 2000s.

• 51:27H. Foley?

  I'm the asshole.

• 51:28Speaker 01

  I just got lost in the riff. Um...

• 51:34Speaker 01

  This is a good name. This is from Bacon, Egg & Cheeks.

• 51:38Speaker 01

  That guy be fucking.

• 51:42H. Foley?

  Woo, salt, pepper, ketchup.

• 51:45Speaker 01

  Salt, pepper, raw dog.

• 51:47H. Foley?

  Bacon, egg & cheeks is good.

• 51:51Speaker 01

  That's alright, man. Uh, alright, let's see. Uh, $10 homie, never had one read. "Are you garbage if to get out of a bet, you claim you said doll hairs instead of dollars?" My buddy Dustin taught me about doll hairs and it blew my seven-year-old mind. I ran around school betting, betting the house on everything.

• 52:15H. Foley?

  I say doll hairs. What happens when you gotta make good with the doll hair?

• 52:19Speaker 01

  Go in my sister's room, start fucking, get the sheers out.

• 52:24H. Foley?

  Did your sister play with dolls? Did she have dolls?

• 52:26Speaker 01

  Uh, I mean, she was ju- I was-

• 52:28H. Foley?

  Did you go rooting around and looking at them?

• 52:31Speaker 01

  By the time I had come of, you know, came, came online, her doll, she was older, so no.

• 52:38H. Foley?

  No? You weren't looking under the dresses of Polly Pocket or whoever it was?

• 52:43Speaker 01

  No, I think she was a Cabbage Patch gal at the time. Um...

• 52:48H. Foley?

  They didn't do it for you?

• 52:50Speaker 01

  It was more of an American dream doll, American girl doll, whatever it is, um.

• 52:55H. Foley?

  Slide your ass in that Corvette and take it for a spin.

• 52:57Speaker 01

  Nah, we never, she, there was no, looking back, there was no real

• 53:04Speaker 01

  uh feminine toy game in the house when I was growing up. I mean, she's five years older than me.

• 53:10H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 53:11Speaker 01

  So by the time I'm four, she's nine, she was into sports. Yeah, it's like, it was very much my brother's, whatever, you know.

• 53:18H. Foley?

  I didn't mind the nice dollhouse when I was a kid. I thought they were cool.

• 53:21Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm. I remember one I could fit in at my, my dad's mom.

• 53:25H. Foley?

  What?

• 53:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was my, my dad's mom.

• 53:28H. Foley?

  I think that was just the apartment you guys were living in.

• 53:30Speaker 01

  My grandmom, Babs. We'd go down to her house and could smell this, they had this steepest set of stairs to get to the basement and they were carpeted with that shag car, that dude. I fell down them fucking stairs 38 times. Like really, it was like a drum roll, dude, my fat ass sliding. And like, you never fell, you didn't tumble, you just landed on your butt and

• 53:55Speaker 01

  coming out like, coming out like the cop from the slide, fucking flying out.

• 53:59H. Foley?

  It scared the shit out of you though.

• 54:00Speaker 01

  Oh my dude, heart.

• 54:01H. Foley?

  You'd catch that in your socks, fresh pair of whites.

• 54:04Speaker 01

  Cause I was always over there on like Christmas and stuff, so I was fucking, I had a freshie on.

• 54:10Speaker 01

  I'd go down.

• 54:11H. Foley?

  Ruin my good cacti's.

• 54:13Speaker 01

  My uncle lived down there too, for a period of time, and I remember rooting around. But there was a dollhouse, so I guess one of my cousins, one of the, one of my older girl cousins had this doll, it was a big dollhouse. And I could go in and bang, like, I could go in and, I could climb in it.

• 54:29H. Foley?

  Really?

• 54:29Speaker 01

  It was like a, you know, one of those big, older, I think it was for like more Cabbage Patch sized dolls, not like, yeah. I remember rooting around in there, looking for some broads.

• 54:42H. Foley?

  Going through the pockets of the doll.

• 54:43Speaker 01

  Looking for some undies in there or something.

• 54:47Speaker 01

  Some Cabbage Patch undies.

• 54:48H. Foley?

  Oh hello.

• 54:50Speaker 01

  I got them in my, got them on my head, my uncle comes, what the hell you son of a-

• 54:56Speaker 01

  I was also, I remember, uh, that side of the family, my, I'm not even really sure if they were ever married. A gentleman who hung around, I called-

• 55:08H. Foley?

  An aunt?

• 55:09Speaker 01

  What?

• 55:09H. Foley?

  Wait, the guy, the guy was-

• 55:11Speaker 01

  He wasn't, yeah, I think he had, I don't know-

• 55:14H. Foley?

  He was hanging around one of your aunts?

• 55:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't know if they were ever married at the time, if they were, it was before my, my, my remembering, but he was my cousin's dad.

• 55:24H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 55:25Speaker 01

  Does that make sense?

• 55:26H. Foley?

  Yeah. Did he later disappear?

• 55:29Speaker 01

  I don't know what, yeah, he never came around, but I remember one time he was in a wife beater and those light blue, uh-

• 55:36H. Foley?

  This all adds up.

• 55:37Speaker 01

  Light blue, um, uh, jean shorts, like the early, like, they were from the eighties, this is probably 91, and these are like 88's he's got on, you know what I mean, the light, light wash ones.

• 55:50H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 55:51Speaker 01

  Hem, nice hem, and like, these were, these were jean shorts when jean shorts were frickin jean shorts.

• 55:56H. Foley?

  I got you.

• 55:58Speaker 01

  Big pair of hot, white high tops and white high socks, as Joe 3rd as you can get.

• 56:03H. Foley?

  So he did drugs?

• 56:05Speaker 01

  I don't, I mean, I don't, I don't think he was doing green juices. Uh, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know the man, I couldn't pick that, this is my only memory-

• 56:13H. Foley?

  You still see the aunt?

• 56:14Speaker 01

  No, we don't really talk to that side of it, I talked to some, some of them.

• 56:17H. Foley?

  I got, but this is a time where you did.

• 56:19Speaker 01

  This is a time where, yeah, we'd go over there.

• 56:21H. Foley?

  And he was your direct cousin's father?

• 56:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:23H. Foley?

  So for all intents and purposes, this was your aunt and uncle?

• 56:25Speaker 01

  That was my aunt, sure.

• 56:27H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 56:27Speaker 01

  That was my aunt, but then he was, they had, I don't know if they were ever together, they separated, I'm not, I don't, I don't, I don't remember-

• 56:33H. Foley?

  Isn't it funny as a kid, when you get that vibe, you know that like, this guy's not really some, this guy's a fringe.

• 56:40Speaker 01

  Uncle Jimmy.

• 56:41H. Foley?

  Uncle Jimmy. Sure.

• 56:44Speaker 01

  And my brother got a, a relatively, I'm sure I've told, a relatively souped up race car for- I don't know, that's some gift. And he took it down there to like show off my cousins, like yo, look what I got.

• 56:56H. Foley?

  What, like a RC car?

• 56:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, but it was like a little more revved up.

• 56:59H. Foley?

  I got it.

• 57:00Speaker 01

  It wasn't like a toy, it was not like a one-

• 57:01H. Foley?

  One of the good ones.

• 57:02Speaker 01

  It was a good one.

• 57:03H. Foley?

  Yeah, with gas?

• 57:04Speaker 01

  No, but like-

• 57:05H. Foley?

  A two-stroke?

• 57:05Speaker 01

  No, but one of those big batteries. Not like double A's, like it had like a, you had to charge-

• 57:10H. Foley?

  We're not talking about some Radio Shack thing that didn't work at the end of Christmas.

• 57:13Speaker 01

  No, no, this thing, this thing moved. Okay. And had like the base, the top, the ki- the body that came off and he could just ride around as the car.

• 57:20H. Foley?

  I don't think he ever told us this.

• 57:21Speaker 01

  And he, I remember he goes, yo, this thing. Cause we were, we were cook- we were cooking in the back alley. Cause like the ba- there was like, it was a row home, it's like a bunch of row homes back up to an alley and we were zzzp, zzzp, zzzp, you know? And he goes, I can't wait to get this thing over to the baseball field and jump off the pitcher's mound. And I was like, what dude? I remember being like, you're a grown man, you have children and you wanna ju- Like he was like, let's go over to the baseball field and launch this thing off the pitcher's mound.

• 57:56Speaker 01

  Life beater and all.

• 57:59H. Foley?

  Ah, he didn't give a fuck if that thing broke.

• 58:01Speaker 01

  He had a heater going.

• 58:03H. Foley?

  He might as well said, let's go throw this thing off the roof.

• 58:08H. Foley?

  What a fucking dirtbag. That's fucked up, dude.

• 58:14Speaker 01

  It's all sm-.

• 58:15H. Foley?

  Your brother's crying. I'm going back to the house with some of that green bean casserole.

• 58:21Speaker 01

  Launch it off the pitcher's mound.

• 58:23H. Foley?

  What a piece of shit, dude.

• 58:26Speaker 01

  He had the longest cig's I've ever seen in my life. These things were like two fifties, dude. I remember, cause like my, everybody smoked and he would bust these, he was smoking noobies, if I recall. That was one thing I always knew as a kid, I always deciphered who smoked what and I really judged him for it. If you had, well, my dad was a big part of my life and he was a Reds guy, so if you, I gave you in and around air, my stepdad was-

• 58:50H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 58:51Speaker 01

  Was Winston, so I gave you that, but if you've rolled up smoking some I ain't never seen before.

• 58:56H. Foley?

  We had a family friend, a lady-

• 58:57Speaker 01

  You were smoking Camels, yikes.

• 59:00H. Foley?

  We had a family friend who was a lady, smoked Merritt.

• 59:04H. Foley?

  I didn't know what they were, they looked weird and they were always in a soft pack-

• 59:08Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 59:09H. Foley?

  And I didn't trust her as far as I could throw her.

• 59:11Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 59:12H. Foley?

  Send her off the pitcher's mound.

• 59:14Speaker 01

  Let's launch you off the pitcher's mound. Yeah, man, it was, I think it might, I'm not even joking, I think it might have broke. Doing that, because I remember vibes being down when we went back to the house. And I remember him being, ah, yeah, I might genuinely might have happened. Just tumbled.

• 59:35H. Foley?

  I had a, uh...

• 59:36Speaker 01

  The body cracked, that's what it was. They had like the thin body. And that cracked.

• 59:42H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 59:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, whatever.

• 59:44H. Foley?

  I had a, uh, a friend in this one neighborhood that we lived in, she was the only person that I was friends with, really. It was like a time where like me and my brother weren't really like hanging that much, it was only like a year or two.

• 59:57Speaker 01

  That's an age thing.

• 59:58H. Foley?

  Probably like ten, or whatever.

• 1:00:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's twelve or something, it's like, it's a little bit of like, I don't want to hang out with my little brother anymore.

• 1:00:04H. Foley?

  Yeah, and I got a Starscreamer, Starscream, the Transformer.

• 1:00:08Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:00:09H. Foley?

  Okay? And this was big for me. This was big to have this Starscream.

• 1:00:15H. Foley?

  And I was playing with it over there, and her, like, the guy that was fucking her mom.

• 1:00:18Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:00:19H. Foley?

  That's the only way I can describe it, it was a dude she was dating. He was some sleaze ball that had a fucking, uh, used car dealership in town. He always smelled like so much cologne, like, so much. He was like fucking with it or something like that, like I brought it over there, and like he dropped like this... He dropped like a, like a piece of plywood on it, and it shattered the cockpit. And I remember him just like not giving a fuck, and being like, ah, hey, it still works though, you're alright. Like, pussy, I just fuck, my mom just bought this thing.

• 1:00:49Speaker 01

  This ain't even paid off yet. I used to, I used to get yelled at that, if I get new clothes or a new toy or something on a credit card. And then I broke it in the first third, before that billing cycle. This ain't even fricking paid for yet! I'm still fricking paying this off!

• 1:01:05H. Foley?

  Gee, think, what do you think I walked into when I walked in and Patty saw the damage on a fucking, a goddamn transforming jet?

• 1:01:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:12H. Foley?

  Freaking out. It's called the Department of Defense. He's thrown in jail for cheating.

• 1:01:16Speaker 01

  Somebody get me Rumsfeld on this.

• 1:01:18H. Foley?

  This fucking dirtbag.

• 1:01:20Speaker 01

  Uh-huh.

• 1:01:20H. Foley?

  Hate it, that guy.

• 1:01:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's, that's, yeah, I get it, I totally get it, that sucks.

• 1:01:26H. Foley?

  His last name was the name of an insect.

• 1:01:28Speaker 01

  Bug? Roach.

• 1:01:30H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:32H. Foley?

  Fucking scumbag.

• 1:01:33Speaker 01

  Okay, Jesus Christ, so see you hold a grudge.

• 1:01:37H. Foley?

  It's Starscream we're talking about here.

• 1:01:39Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 1:01:39H. Foley?

  Same Bumblebee, one of the little ones. That was, that was like a, a tie end one. That was expensive.

• 1:01:44Speaker 01

  I've only ever broke one thing.

• 1:01:46H. Foley?

  You know how many jeans Patty had to sew to get me that?

• 1:01:48Speaker 01

  Sure. I broke my buddy's dad's hammer. And he got real mad at like, too mad at me. I was like, I'll get you a hammer. I'll get you a new hammer.

• 1:01:57H. Foley?

  How'd you break his hammer?

• 1:01:59Speaker 01

  We were hitting rocks.

• 1:02:05Speaker 01

  It was me and Vinnie with the skinny. He got two hammers.

• 1:02:08H. Foley?

  Was it Vinnie's dad's hammer?

• 1:02:09Speaker 01

  Yeah. Shout out to, I love, I love Vinnie's dad. Vinnie's dad's fantastic. We were young and I just get it. He was like, he probably just bought it and then it's just like, you weren't even.

• 1:02:19H. Foley?

  Was it wooden? How do you break a hammer?

• 1:02:21Speaker 01

  You're smashing rocks. He just, it's just hitting like, hard rock, like in like, in the earth rocks, not like.

• 1:02:29H. Foley?

  I still don't see how you would be able to generate enough torque to break it. I guess.

• 1:02:37Speaker 01

  No, I think it might have, I don't, I forget. I don't think I broke the front. I think I broke the claw maybe. Like I like, was trying to pick something out and took the tooth off the claw. Man, he did, I'll give it to him. He didn't yell at me, but Vinnie caught a rash in his shit.

• 1:02:53H. Foley?

  I always respect that dad. Wouldn't yell at you, but screamed at the kid.

• 1:02:56Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 1:02:56H. Foley?

  Just standing in a corner like, hey, you fucked up.

• 1:02:59Speaker 01

  I'm just like, thank you for taking the brunt of this and not making it weird.

• 1:03:03H. Foley?

  Cause the dad who yelled at you, fuck that guy.

• 1:03:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't think I've ever really had it. Also like, uh, my buddy's dads, anytime they lost it, it was always directed at, they always played it right not to scream at you. I mean, I think if you were to scream at me,

• 1:03:22Speaker 01

  that's, I mean, I don't know.

• 1:03:24H. Foley?

  You're not coming back. You'll take your turkey sandwich to go.

• 1:03:29Speaker 01

  Can you wrap this up, please? I'm s-

• 1:03:32H. Foley?

  Push the plate away.

• 1:03:35Speaker 01

  Need some more bread?

• 1:03:36H. Foley?

  I'll be directed to the kitchen telephone, please.

• 1:03:39Speaker 01

  Can somebody call my father?

• 1:03:43H. Foley?

  I'm gonna get the blue neon over here ASAP.

• 1:03:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, that now, I don't think I've ever, I've never been in like a really weird, tough situation like that with someone else's parents that I can recall.

• 1:03:56H. Foley?

  I have.

• 1:03:57Speaker 01

  I'm sure you're a fucking pest. You're a bit of a roach yourself.

• 1:04:02H. Foley?

  I heard my one buddy's mom screaming at me.

• 1:04:03Speaker 01

  I, there's nothing I understand more.

• 1:04:07H. Foley?

  I was looking for him. I came in and I was like, "Yo!" I yelled. She's like, "Why don't yell in this house?" I was like, "Bitch."

• 1:04:15H. Foley?

  Think I'm staying for dinner. You're sorely mistaken. They're gonna stay here and eat all your food and leave. Take a dump in your toilet and get out of here. You're wrong.

• 1:04:26Speaker 01

  Taking, I'm taking my talents down to fucking Justin's house.

• 1:04:31H. Foley?

  Well, they'll be having meatloaf tonight.

• 1:04:34H. Foley?

  Alright.

• 1:04:35Speaker 01

  Alright, let's see here. Um, this one's from Josh Ramsey. New $10 telly nut. Never had one read.

• 1:04:42H. Foley?

  There you go.

• 1:04:42Speaker 01

  Is it garbage to have a few shower beers on your lunch break? After finishing the lunch rush in a steakhouse, I got an hour break from the restaurant. I come home, snap a few cold ones in the shower, go back for the night rush.

• 1:04:54H. Foley?

  I don't hate that.

• 1:04:55Speaker 01

  I don't hate that either.

• 1:04:56H. Foley?

  Normally I would be against that, but I don't hate that, especially in that environment.

• 1:05:01Speaker 01

  The industry, I mean, I think in that industry, that's.

• 1:05:03H. Foley?

  And I respect them for going home and taking a shower like a fucking gentleman. I would just go home, smoke weed, sit in my fucking server uniform, and then drag ass in there.

• 1:05:12Speaker 01

  Did you have jobs like that where you would leave midday? Or would you just stay for the whole shift?

• 1:05:16H. Foley?

  I mean, I would have like a break, but I was such a dirtball. Like, I would never think to go home and like.

• 1:05:21Speaker 01

  Do something productive.

• 1:05:22H. Foley?

  Or like run to the grocery store and do errands. I would probably just sit there and eat something and then be real tired for the next shift.

• 1:05:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, hit like a Quiznos or something.

• 1:05:33Speaker 01

  Scroll Facebook. I remember that people would do, I remember where.

• 1:05:37H. Foley?

  Nah, I would sit there in the corner. I would, I would never eat somewhere else. I wouldn't go out.

• 1:05:42Speaker 01

  Oh, I never ate. I always went out somewhere else.

• 1:05:44H. Foley?

  Oh, you're crazy.

• 1:05:45Speaker 01

  Um, I mean, I wasn't really working in restaurants. I'm saying like my office jobs or whatever.

• 1:05:50H. Foley?

  Oh, for sure.

• 1:05:50Speaker 01

  Um, but, yeah, people would do stuff on their lunch break. Like, I gotta go, I gotta run, I'm running to do this. I'd be like, I'm gonna, catch me out front with the heaters.

• 1:06:01H. Foley?

  That blew my mind.

• 1:06:01Speaker 01

  Scrolling.

• 1:06:02H. Foley?

  Blew my mind.

• 1:06:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:06:06H. Foley?

  So I give it to him. He goes, "Homie freshens up, probably throws on a new shirt."

• 1:06:11Speaker 01

  Well, he's a cook, so he's got a little bit of a higher end job than...

• 1:06:14H. Foley?

  Oh, he's a cook?

• 1:06:14Speaker 01

  So he says, "I'm a cook at a steakhouse."

• 1:06:15H. Foley?

  Oh, dude, throw on the fresh whites?

• 1:06:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, sometimes you come back, little half-cocked. It's probably even, let's call it three beers. The first beer and a half takes away the lunch rush.

• 1:06:25H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 1:06:26Speaker 01

  The second beer and a half gets you in the headspace for whatever, maybe grab a sandwich. You come back, you're loose, you're ready, you're not wearing the first half of the day.

• 1:06:34H. Foley?

  You hit a coffee, towards the end, towards the end of the shift, you probably pop a beer as you're cleaning up. Then you're ready to go out.

• 1:06:40Speaker 01

  Perkedoodle or two, talk to Henry, the waiter, he's gulping a little bit. He owes you some money.

• 1:06:46H. Foley?

  Yeah, probably.

• 1:06:47Speaker 01

  Pays you in a vic... pays you in a vicodin or something?

• 1:06:49H. Foley?

  I can see it.

• 1:06:50Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 1:06:51H. Foley?

  It writes itself.

• 1:06:52Speaker 01

  I'm a little tight on cash right now, but I got some school buses with your name on it.

• 1:06:58H. Foley?

  You gonna do a Chinese fire drill, huh? Let's go.

• 1:07:01Speaker 01

  A little bit of a half and half. Alright, we gotta wrap it up, gang.

• 1:07:04H. Foley?

  What a fun one.

• 1:07:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, we love you. Guys, the Back on the Block Tour, all tickets are available from Wednesday to Thursday. Promo code garbage, and then I believe they're available to the public starting Thursday night, Friday morning. But get your tickets, promo code garbage, are you garbage dot com?

• 1:07:20H. Foley?

  Yeah, some of our favorite cities.

• 1:07:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, this is, I mean, the...

• 1:07:24H. Foley?

  Clubs, these are gonna sell out quick. Get your fucking tikkis.

• 1:07:27Speaker 01

  Get your tikkis.

• 1:07:28H. Foley?

  Come see the boys, we love yous. We'll see you out there. Love you. See you next week.

• 1:07:32Speaker 01

  Peace.