Fiona Cauley!

Are You Garbage podcast presents stand up comedian and podcast host Fiona Cauley! You know Fiona Cauley from Stand Up Comedy, Kill Tony, RAMPIN' UP, This Past Weekend with Theo Von, We Might Be Drunk with Mark Normand and Sam Morril, Whisky Ginger with Andrew Santino, First Date with Lauren Compton, Take Your Shoes Off with Rick Glassman, Fishing with David Lucas, The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler, Right Now with John Goblikon, Harland Highway Podcast, Trailer Tales Podcast, Steph Infection, Public Figures, The Drunk Uncle Podcast, The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon and so much more! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! NEW AYG MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Brunt Workwear: Get $10 off at BRUNT with code GARBAGE at https://www.bruntworkwear.com/GARBAGE and enter THE BRUNT POTTY OF GOLD SWEEPSTAKES for your chance to win $50,000. No purchase necessary. Ends 9/18/26. Official rules apply. Aura Frames: Exclusive $35-off Carver Mat, Aspen, and Walden frames at https://on.auraframes.com/GARBAGE. Promo Code: GARBAGE Square: Get up to $200 off Square hardware when you sign up at https://square.com/go/garbage! Promo Code: GARBAGE Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.

• 0:19H. Foley?

  Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?

• 0:25Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 0:26H. Foley?

  It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that they're good to be classy.

• 0:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 0:31H. Foley?

  They're just a big old piece of trash.

• 0:32Speaker 02

  Trash, trash, trash.

• 0:33H. Foley?

  I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tooties in the new edition. It's Rice-a-roni night, baby.

• 0:39Speaker 02

  Woo!

• 0:40H. Foley?

  We're back. I'm gonna eat the leftovers on the stove when it gets all coagulated and hard. Ooh, I like that crispy. Okay. Lot of food in the Tooties these days. My co-host coming at me from right next to me. It's neither here nor there. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage and international businessman, king of the boards, king of the burbs, Kevin James Ryan.

• 1:00Speaker 02

  What up, gang? Shout out to you, as always, thanks for tuning in. Please make sure you review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify. And then, obviously, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com/areyougarbage. You go over there, join the sixteen thousand, sixteen thousand strong we got going on over there.

• 1:17H. Foley?

  Let's go, gang. And we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly special guest here with us today for the first time. We've been wanting to have her forever. We finally got her in town because she's doing the Garden this weekend.

• 1:29Speaker 02

  Wop, wop.

• 1:29H. Foley?

  Let's go. She's one of the big stars over there in that Kill Tony universe.

• 1:33Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 1:34H. Foley?

  That ever-expanding Kill Tony universe. Give it up for the one, the only Fiona Colly, everybody. Look at you.

• 1:40Speaker 03

  Hello.

• 1:42H. Foley?

  Here to determine whether you're garbage or not, as we said before we started recording, the crush Celsius can. Not the best look.

• 1:49Speaker 03

  I like the emphasis you put on special guests.

• 1:55Speaker 02

  Normal, obviously, normal, capable, regular guest.

• 1:58Speaker 03

  Nothing wrong, great, normal, average human.

• 2:02H. Foley?

  No idea what you're talking about. Let me ask you this real quick before we get started. Were you a Red, were you Red Bull before Celsius?

• 2:09Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah. Well, this, I was Monster originally.

• 2:15Speaker 02

  Now, you can't hide it. You can't hide it.

• 2:17H. Foley?

  Oh, Monster. White can, green can?

• 2:20Speaker 03

  Green, but like, you know, the B F G C?

• 2:25Speaker 02

  I know.

• 2:25Speaker 03

  It's what, they're like gigantic. And when you open it, it's like a twist up and like steam comes out.

• 2:32Speaker 02

  Is that same for big fucking cans?

• 2:34H. Foley?

  What the fuck? You were drinking that?

• 2:35Speaker 02

  Oh, you got, you got the extendo, John?

• 2:37Speaker 03

  Brother, I had...

• 2:38Speaker 02

  A discontinued, extra-large, thirty-two ounce...

• 2:41Speaker 03

  It's discontinued.

• 2:42H. Foley?

  Yeah, you were the only one drinking it.

• 2:43Speaker 03

  Well, they were like, look what happened.

• 2:45Speaker 02

  Is that what happened to you? That's a lot.

• 2:49Speaker 03

  I used to have two of those a day and then one normal size for high school.

• 2:55Speaker 02

  Jesus.

• 2:56H. Foley?

  Did you drink coffee?

• 2:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:58H. Foley?

  Did you have a coffee this morning?

• 2:59Speaker 03

  I, yeah.

• 3:01H. Foley?

  You're gonna get a speeding ticket in that thing.

• 3:03Speaker 03

  I used to have a coffee machine in my bedroom in middle school.

• 3:07Speaker 02

  That's, and that, wait, you said you're thirty?

• 3:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:10Speaker 02

  So what year was that? That's like, er, mid-two thousands?

• 3:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:14Speaker 02

  That's the, dude, the kids are drinking coffees. It's crazy.

• 3:17H. Foley?

  Did you live in an extended stay hotel? That's insane. Why did you have a coffee machine in your, in your room?

• 3:24Speaker 03

  Because my mom would drink most of the pots. I wanted my own pot and I had like a mini fridge with creamer in it and I bought myself, yeah.

• 3:35Speaker 02

  You were buying your own creamer in junior high?

• 3:38Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 3:38Speaker 02

  Uh oh, honey.

• 3:39H. Foley?

  I, I, I've heard, a little bird told me, I've, I've heard from interesting sources that this is a very sordid tale. So let's get into it. Give us the origin story.

• 3:49Speaker 02

  Tennessee, I believe?

• 3:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:51Speaker 02

  That's the extent of the research we do. Take it away.

• 3:54H. Foley?

  You're American, I understand.

• 3:55Speaker 03

  And that's a wrap, yes.

• 3:58H. Foley?

  So tell us this. Tell us the whole thing.

• 4:01Speaker 02

  Born and raised Tennessee.

• 4:02Speaker 03

  Okay, born and raised, actually from Franklin, Tennessee.

• 4:07H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 4:08Speaker 03

  And I don't know if you're familiar. It is a very wealthy...

• 4:14H. Foley?

  Is that right? What'd your mom and dad do?

• 4:17Speaker 03

  So my mom, when I was growing up, she kinda did like marketing

• 4:22H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 4:23Speaker 03

  for companies. And then my dad, for a while, was an attorney. But...

• 4:29Speaker 02

  Defense attorney or like a high-powered?

• 4:31Speaker 03

  Criminal defense.

• 4:32H. Foley?

  A criminal defense attorney in Tennessee? Woo wee!

• 4:36Speaker 02

  Get a lot of bootleggers off.

• 4:37H. Foley?

  Counselor approached the bench.

• 4:38Speaker 02

  Was he like, uh, high-powered? Was he doing like DUIs or was he doing like murders and like, you know?

• 4:44Speaker 03

  I don't really know. He didn't actually work that much.

• 4:48H. Foley?

  What happened?

• 4:49Speaker 02

  That's a good attorney.

• 4:50Speaker 03

  Uh, drugs and alcohol.

• 4:52Speaker 02

  Your dad?

• 4:53Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 4:53H. Foley?

  Let's go.

• 4:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 4:55H. Foley?

  Shout out to him.

• 4:56Speaker 02

  It's like the Murdoch murders or whatever. Okay.

• 4:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't know what he's up to now.

• 5:02H. Foley?

  You don't talk to your dad?

• 5:03Speaker 03

  No.

• 5:04H. Foley?

  No shit? What was the drug of choice?

• 5:06Speaker 03

  Um, I think like cocaine.

• 5:11Speaker 02

  So funny. I just judged you on having a coffee pot.

• 5:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:14Speaker 02

  I'm sorry.

• 5:14Speaker 03

  I'm like, I'm doing pretty good.

• 5:17Speaker 02

  This lady's got her own coffee pot, she's killing it.

• 5:19H. Foley?

  So when did your dad, did your dad leave the family?

• 5:22Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah.

• 5:24H. Foley?

  Or asked to leave?

• 5:24Speaker 03

  He kinda did the like long goodbye. You know what I mean?

• 5:30H. Foley?

  No, what's a long goodbye?

• 5:31Speaker 03

  So like my...

• 5:33H. Foley?

  Right now?

• 5:35Speaker 03

  My parents divorced when I was nine.

• 5:38H. Foley?

  Okay, nine-year-old divorced.

• 5:40Speaker 02

  But was everything kinda normal? Like, when did things go askew?

• 5:43Speaker 03

  When I was like five.

• 5:45Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 5:45Speaker 03

  Or four.

• 5:46Speaker 02

  So you don't really, you don't really remember the normalcy?

• 5:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:49H. Foley?

  Do you have brothers and sisters?

• 5:50Speaker 03

  I'm the middle.

• 5:51H. Foley?

  You're the middle?

• 5:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:52H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 5:53Speaker 03

  I have an older sister, five year, or four years older. Brother is five years younger.

• 6:00H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 6:00Speaker 02

  I gotta be, I am so enthralled in this already. I had no idea it was this wild.

• 6:06Speaker 03

  It is so much.

• 6:07Speaker 02

  Okay, all right. So, leading up to, what, at what age does, you're five? Is he doing drugs at that point? Is it some semblance of...

• 6:16Speaker 03

  I mean, all I have, my memory of my childhood is...

• 6:20H. Foley?

  She wasn't splitting bags with him.

• 6:21Speaker 02

  I'm sure she's talked to somebody who's told her that maybe. When did it, when did things start getting bumping?

• 6:27Speaker 03

  I think it's always been, like, I think alcohol was the main thing.

• 6:32Speaker 02

  Ain't nothing wrong with that.

• 6:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:33H. Foley?

  Goddamn American.

• 6:34Speaker 03

  That's just respectable. No, yeah, he had a big alcohol thing. But he was like funny and like nice.

• 6:44Speaker 02

  Hey, ain't nothing wrong with that.

• 6:45Speaker 03

  You know, he wasn't like an angry drunk. Like, he wasn't hitting us or anything. And so I just thought my mom was an asshole, which...

• 6:56H. Foley?

  Chased him away.

• 6:57Speaker 03

  Right.

• 6:58H. Foley?

  All right, so they come and tell you at, uh, eight years old, you're getting a divorce. Nine years old, hey, we're getting a divorce. They sit you down?

• 7:04Speaker 03

  She told me he was already gone.

• 7:06H. Foley?

  Really?

• 7:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 7:07H. Foley?

  He didn't say goodbye?

• 7:09Speaker 03

  Well, no, and then the court was like, you have to see them sometimes, you know?

• 7:15H. Foley?

  Man.

• 7:15Speaker 03

  And, yeah.

• 7:16H. Foley?

  Damn.

• 7:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was fun.

• 7:19H. Foley?

  So it was your guys' fault?

• 7:20Speaker 03

  Obviously, yeah.

• 7:22Speaker 02

  Those courts are real party people.

• 7:23Speaker 03

  They made sure we knew, yeah.

• 7:26H. Foley?

  Did you guys get, did you guys have to go and see him?

• 7:28Speaker 03

  Hmm, Thursdays and every other weekend.

• 7:31Speaker 02

  Where was that at? Where did you see him?

• 7:33Speaker 03

  For, at first, he moved to a place called Columbia, Tennessee, which is where all divorced dads go.

• 7:40H. Foley?

  Okay, did he have an apartment?

• 7:41Speaker 03

  Uh huh, yeah. It was like a section of an old house.

• 7:46H. Foley?

  Okay, so he left you guys the house? You guys stayed in the house?

• 7:48Speaker 03

  Well, yeah, my mom worked.

• 7:52Speaker 02

  It was really her house.

• 7:53Speaker 03

  He took all her money and left her with the three of us.

• 7:57H. Foley?

  Oh, really?

• 7:58Speaker 03

  And so she then got fired from her job right when that happened, panicked, and she started her own company because she was like, I'm never working for someone else.

• 8:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, put herself in that position again.

• 8:11H. Foley?

  Did that company become successful?

• 8:12Speaker 03

  She is incredibly successful.

• 8:14H. Foley?

  Let's fucking go.

• 8:15Speaker 02

  Let's go.

• 8:16H. Foley?

  Let's go.

• 8:17Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 8:18H. Foley?

  All right.

• 8:18Speaker 03

  But I didn't know that. She lied my whole life.

• 8:24H. Foley?

  About what?

• 8:25Speaker 03

  She told me we were broke, so I had a job. I know.

• 8:31Speaker 02

  You were working as a...

• 8:32Speaker 03

  Since I was twelve years old, I would lie about my age. She, I bought myself a...

• 8:39Speaker 02

  Whole family full of liars, if I'm being honest.

• 8:41Speaker 03

  Dude, I know. It's, so I bought myself a like five hundred dollar piece of shit car and I would drive it and my mom was like, if you get pulled over... Tell them you stole the car from me and I was like, okay.

• 8:58Speaker 02

  What?

• 8:58H. Foley?

  Why?

• 8:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, because she'd get in trouble for letting me drive, but you know, I was pretty good.

• 9:04Speaker 02

  How old were you?

• 9:05H. Foley?

  Oh.

• 9:05Speaker 03

  Twelve.

• 9:06Speaker 02

  Twelve, you were driving a car at twelve? And your mom?

• 9:09H. Foley?

  Wait, hold on.

• 9:09Speaker 03

  I was thirteen.

• 9:10Speaker 02

  Thirteen?

• 9:11H. Foley?

  What?

• 9:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, to work.

• 9:13Speaker 02

  What was the job?

• 9:14Speaker 03

  Only to work in school.

• 9:15H. Foley?

  Who taught you how to drive?

• 9:16Speaker 02

  Only to work in school. Guys, I'm not crazy. Any occasional ballgame.

• 9:21H. Foley?

  Where else does a twelve year old?

• 9:22Speaker 03

  It wasn't very fun, okay?

• 9:24Speaker 02

  I'm not a partier.

• 9:25H. Foley?

  Wait, your mom wouldn't drive you at twelve to work?

• 9:27Speaker 03

  She was working. She was busy.

• 9:31Speaker 02

  It's Fiona.

• 9:32Speaker 03

  I didn't think this was weird. I would pick up my friends that were older than me for school.

• 9:39H. Foley?

  Did you ever get pulled over?

• 9:40Speaker 03

  Once.

• 9:40H. Foley?

  Did you look thirteen or did you look older when you were a kid?

• 9:43Speaker 03

  No, I've looked exactly like this. Except I could walk, which was more convincing, I think. I was taller.

• 9:54Speaker 02

  Holy shit.

• 9:55H. Foley?

  Alright. What was the job?

• 9:57Speaker 03

  The first one, I worked at a Chinese restaurant. It was-

• 10:01Speaker 02

  You're Chinese?

• 10:04Speaker 03

  It was owned by a Chinese family, so I was the only white person that worked there, person not related to them.

• 10:12Speaker 02

  They were like, this twelve year old wants to work. She's got, you know.

• 10:14Speaker 03

  Well, I swear to God, they called me their, uh, white slave.

• 10:19Speaker 02

  Jesus.

• 10:20Speaker 03

  I got, uh, five dollars an hour in cash.

• 10:24Speaker 02

  Cash. Don't, I don't hate that.

• 10:26H. Foley?

  What'd you do there?

• 10:27Speaker 03

  I was the server.

• 10:28H. Foley?

  Okay. You're cooking?

• 10:31Speaker 02

  Screaming at Mandarin.

• 10:35H. Foley?

  Got the walk going.

• 10:36Speaker 02

  Okay, Jesus Christ.

• 10:39H. Foley?

  Holy shit.

• 10:40Speaker 02

  Alright, so you're working at a Chinese restaurant when you're twelve, thirteen. That was the first one.

• 10:45H. Foley?

  Driving yourself.

• 10:46Speaker 02

  Driving your-

• 10:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, they wouldn't, uh, give me Christmas Eve off.

• 10:52Speaker 02

  That's prime time sees. That's when all the Jewish guys go out.

• 10:54H. Foley?

  That's Kami shit.

• 10:55Speaker 03

  Literally, literally, my family, like, my mom and them were all sad because I couldn't be at Christmas Eve dinner. So they all came in to eat so they could be with me and they were the only ones there, but the woman, the mom, that ran this restaurant-

• 11:13H. Foley?

  But, wait.

• 11:14Speaker 03

  Was not having it.

• 11:15H. Foley?

  Not having what?

• 11:16Speaker 03

  My family trying to be in there.

• 11:18H. Foley?

  Why?

• 11:19Speaker 03

  So, I don't fucking know. I have no idea. But she was like, go refill the soy sauces. So I'm sitting at a booth and I can see my family.

• 11:29Speaker 02

  Oh my God.

• 11:30Speaker 03

  Talking to them. She puts a fake tree between us so I can't see them.

• 11:35Speaker 02

  Wait, you didn't even serve them?

• 11:37Speaker 03

  No, she made me do side work while my family-

• 11:41H. Foley?

  Dude. Man.

• 11:43Speaker 02

  What the frig?

• 11:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:45H. Foley?

  That's a tough cookie right there.

• 11:46Speaker 03

  Fun.

• 11:47H. Foley?

  Jesus.

• 11:48Speaker 03

  Fun.

• 11:48H. Foley?

  Well, if your mom would've told her you had cash, you wouldn't be working as a twelve year old in a Chinese restaurant.

• 11:53Speaker 02

  Also-

• 11:54H. Foley?

  Driving yourself to work in a five hundred dollar car.

• 11:56Speaker 02

  But, but wild, her mom's upset that she has to work Christmas Eve. She doesn't, her mom knows she doesn't need to work Christmas Eve. Her mom's choosing to let her ruin your family's Christmas, even though she's got more than-

• 12:08H. Foley?

  But maybe it was a teacher a lesson.

• 12:09Speaker 03

  Anything for the bit. She had to keep it going, you know? It's impressive.

• 12:14H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 12:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:16H. Foley?

  Man.

• 12:17Speaker 03

  We were broke.

• 12:20Speaker 02

  How, at this point, do you, what, I mean, was money tight or no? Like, she was-

• 12:24Speaker 03

  No, but-

• 12:26Speaker 02

  She was doing well at this point.

• 12:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:28Speaker 02

  Well enough that she didn't need the five dollars.

• 12:29Speaker 03

  I will never know, like, the truth of when-

• 12:33Speaker 02

  When it started cooking.

• 12:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, but, I mean, I should've known. I didn't have, like, the context clue-

• 12:41Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 12:42Speaker 03

  Maturity, I guess, of it all. Like, my mom owns a historic home in downtown Franklin, which adults are, you know, people with full brains are like, yeah, that means money. But I'm like, our AC doesn't work ever and our heat doesn't work, so we are broke. And she's like, see? You know? We didn't have-

• 13:07H. Foley?

  What kind of car did she drive back then?

• 13:09Speaker 03

  A Volvo.

• 13:10H. Foley?

  That's rich lady shit.

• 13:11Speaker 02

  That's rich lady shit. That's smart, business owner, reliable.

• 13:15Speaker 03

  I know.

• 13:15Speaker 02

  That's a imported car.

• 13:16Speaker 03

  Dude, now she's in a Maserati.

• 13:19H. Foley?

  Your mom drives a Maserati? Let's go.

• 13:21Speaker 02

  Fucking drug dealer?

• 13:23Speaker 03

  Only, uh, yeah, maybe. I don't know.

• 13:26Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 13:27H. Foley?

  Would they feed you at the Chinese restaurant?

• 13:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:29H. Foley?

  Food good?

• 13:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:32Speaker 02

  Did the brothers and sisters work? Did your sister-

• 13:34Speaker 03

  My sister did, but my brother is like the golden-

• 13:38Speaker 02

  Is he the younger?

• 13:39Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 13:39Speaker 02

  He didn't have to work.

• 13:40Speaker 03

  No.

• 13:41H. Foley?

  What's he do?

• 13:43Speaker 03

  Now?

• 13:43H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 13:44Speaker 03

  Um, he's a musician.

• 13:46Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 13:47Speaker 03

  He's very talented, um, and he does something in data. It's like day job.

• 13:55H. Foley?

  Gotcha.

• 13:55Speaker 03

  I don't fucking know.

• 13:56H. Foley?

  Are you close with them?

• 13:57Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah, I'm really close with them. My, so, I don't know what order to tell the story in.

• 14:06H. Foley?

  Any order you want.

• 14:07Speaker 02

  Yeah. Like a Tarantino film.

• 14:10Speaker 03

  So, okay, let's like back up a little bit.

• 14:13H. Foley?

  Please.

• 14:13Speaker 02

  Beep.

• 14:14H. Foley?

  The floor is yours.

• 14:15Speaker 03

  So, when I was, uh, fifteen-

• 14:19H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 14:20Speaker 03

  Um, my balance was bad all of a sudden. Like, I was an athlete my whole life and then, like, I was falling and I didn't know why. And I told my mom I thought something was wrong, but we weren't like a doctor or family. We didn't go.

• 14:37Speaker 02

  I get that.

• 14:38Speaker 03

  She was a big anti-vaxxer and so, you know, and, um-

• 14:45H. Foley?

  Kids falling all over the place.

• 14:46Speaker 03

  Well, I was like, I think something's wrong with me, but my older sister had, uh, sclerosis and other, like, smaller medical things. So she thought I was copying her for attention because I'm a middle child.

• 15:03H. Foley?

  You guys are nuts.

• 15:05Speaker 02

  Man, your mom is a tough cookie.

• 15:07Speaker 03

  Bro.

• 15:08Speaker 02

  That's vicious. Get up and go to work.

• 15:12Speaker 03

  I swear to God, I went, and then, like, I was like, okay, and then I go to high school and they're smelling my breath for alcohol because of how I talk and how I was walking. And I was like, this can't be normal. And so I went to her again. Hey, I think something's wrong.

• 15:32H. Foley?

  This is like a couple of years later.

• 15:34Speaker 03

  This is within the same year. Like, I noticed it and then other people did.

• 15:39H. Foley?

  Didn't she notice it?

• 15:40Speaker 03

  No, she was like, you're psycho. You're doing this on purpose. I used to, like, practice walking in a straight line in my room and I'd record it and I was like, I'm out of my mind. Like-

• 15:54Speaker 02

  Oh my God.

• 15:54Speaker 03

  I thought I was making it up and I couldn't even stop making it up when I was alone.

• 16:01Speaker 02

  That's-

• 16:02Speaker 03

  Do you know?

• 16:02H. Foley?

  I respect that level of lying.

• 16:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:04H. Foley?

  I've lived it before.

• 16:06Speaker 02

  That just rattled me to the core. Okay.

• 16:08Speaker 03

  So, um-

• 16:10H. Foley?

  My mom didn't believe me. I had a fever one time and I never forgave her.

• 16:15H. Foley?

  I talk about it all the time. She made me go to school. The principal called her in and said, what are you sending this child to school for? Then we walked outside. She's like, why don't you want to go to school? Still didn't believe me. This is nuts.

• 16:27Speaker 03

  Gets so much worse with her.

• 16:31Speaker 02

  I love her stone cold, just right, like, strap in. She's like, this is the appetite. Go ahead, please.

• 16:37Speaker 03

  So, uh, then I started being like, no, I really think something is wrong. She would ground me for walking weird, um, and then I just kind of shut up about it.

• 16:52Speaker 02

  Can I ask what weird is? Is it like how?

• 16:54Speaker 03

  Like, I would not be able to, okay.

• 16:57Speaker 02

  But did you have to, like, step up and grab something or was it like?

• 16:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, like, if there wasn't a railing, I couldn't use the stairs. Or like, I was a server at other restaurants and I'd spill any liquid and everyone was like, why the fuck are you like this? I'm like, it's not this hard for everyone.

• 17:17Speaker 02

  You guys all aren't-

• 17:18Speaker 03

  Like, everyone's like-

• 17:19H. Foley?

  Drinking ice.

• 17:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, they did. Like, or, like, I worked at a place called Frothy Monkey, which was like-

• 17:27Speaker 02

  Sounds like a strip club.

• 17:30Speaker 02

  I kept falling off the stage.

• 17:33H. Foley?

  And just holding on to the pole the whole time?

• 17:36Speaker 03

  Just going in circles.

• 17:40Speaker 02

  I can't. Is the room spinning for anyone else? Okay, alright.

• 17:44Speaker 03

  Um, uh, oh, and I was like, cashed it just there because they were like, this girl can't carry food. And so, you know, I checked people out and there was a Yelp review and they were like, great place, except they need to get rid of Emma Stone. Pretty good.

• 18:06Speaker 02

  Pretty good bit.

• 18:06Speaker 03

  Pretty good. I was like, so you think I'm pretty or what?

• 18:10Speaker 02

  So you think I'm a movie, I have movie star qualities? Uh, okay. God damn.

• 18:16H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 18:17Speaker 02

  So, yeah, your, I, your mom.

• 18:20H. Foley?

  When did she believe you?

• 18:22Speaker 02

  She still thinks she's faking it.

• 18:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, she's still like, you're really, no.

• 18:26Speaker 02

  Really hamming this thing up.

• 18:28Speaker 03

  She, uh, so I'm, I went to kindergarten two times, twice. So I was eighteen. I was eighteen my whole senior year.

• 18:41H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 18:41Speaker 03

  Of high school.

• 18:43Speaker 02

  I think I was too.

• 18:44Speaker 03

  So I like figured out I could take myself to a doctor.

• 18:48Speaker 02

  Whoa.

• 18:49Speaker 03

  And so I was like, okay. And so I secretly like got like a picture of my insurance cards or, you know. And I took myself to an ENT because I thought like inner ear equilibrium balance.

• 19:05H. Foley?

  So you dealt with, you, you dealt with this for three years?

• 19:08Speaker 03

  Yeah. Like, I was like, it fucked up my mental so bad. Like, my reality was so confusing. Cause I, you know, I just wanted to be told I wasn't making it up and I had to figure it out by myself. So I went alone to an ENT at eighteen. They were like, nothing's wrong with yours, but something is wrong.

• 19:34Speaker 02

  Finally, some validation.

• 19:35Speaker 03

  Right, and I'm like.

• 19:35H. Foley?

  You been drinking tonight? Gets a flashlight on you.

• 19:39Speaker 03

  I like now blowing into this.

• 19:42Speaker 02

  You're drunk. Okay.

• 19:43H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 19:44Speaker 03

  They sent me to do a balance test with just like goggles. They put on you and your pupil have to follow whatever. So they were like, no, it's not this, but something. And they sent me to a neurologist. And now insurance does not cover that. So I was like, fuck.

• 20:04H. Foley?

  Did you go get your own insurance, did you say?

• 20:06Speaker 03

  No, I, I took a picture of my mom, so I didn't have to involve her.

• 20:11Speaker 02

  Devious, and I love that. That's great.

• 20:13Speaker 03

  She didn't like pay attention to details on billing and stuff, so I knew it would be fine.

• 20:19H. Foley?

  Kip, let's talk about Brunt, baby.

• 20:21Speaker 02

  Brunt, Brunt, Brunt.

• 20:22H. Foley?

  Guys, if you're a working man out there, do yourself a favor, get over to Brunt. They keep your little piggies cool in the summer and they keep them warm in the winter. We're talking about style, durability. You don't gotta break them in. And here's the turkey right now. Brunt is giving away one lucky winner, fifty thousand dollars in Brunt Potty of Gold Sweepstakes. Sweepstakes. Seriously, that's a crap ton of kids.

• 20:44Speaker 02

  Hachi machi. Uh, I know what I would do with that kind of money. I'd get a boat, a pontoon boat, dual outboard motor. Uh, the best part is that entering is completely free. Just create a Brunt account or log into one, uh, you already have, and start earning entries. Uh, you can rack up even more entries by following Brunt on social and subscribing through, uh, nine eighteen twenty-six. There's absolutely no reason to not enter. And honestly, if you haven't checked out Brunt yet, now is the perfect time. Uh, you know, Brunt, you know Brunt for their boots and the work wear, but the wireless part about this company, they actually let you wear their boots before you deciding if you want to keep them. Real job site days, real boots on the ground type stuff they got going on.

• 21:23H. Foley?

  Damn, that's pretty good.

• 21:24Speaker 02

  One hundred percent risk-free trial. For a limited time, our listeners can get ten dollars off at Brunt when you use the code BRUNT at checkout.com. Listen, they sent Brunt us to us. They sent multiple pairs of Brunt to us. Ryan D loves the Brunt. He's tour managing in the Brunts. I use them.

• 21:39H. Foley?

  Those are his boots.

• 21:40Speaker 02

  I use them when I'm doing work around the house. I feel like a real tough guy, but I'm not. But I'm playing the part of a real guy who knows how to be a man. Uh, but right now for a limited time, my listeners can get ten dollars off at Brunt when you use the code garbage at checkout. Just head to bruntworkwear.com, use the code garbage, and while you're there, enter the Brunt Potty of Gold Sweepstakes for your chance to win fifty thousand dollars. Do it.

• 22:00H. Foley?

  Kip, what do you know about Aura Frames?

• 22:02Speaker 02

  Uh, I know it's the best darn gift to give anybody in your life.

• 22:05H. Foley?

  Let me ask you a question. Who can you give an Aura Frame to?

• 22:08Speaker 02

  You can do your mom, your wife, your brother, your neighbor, your sister-in-law. Anybody with a pulse is getting that Aura Frame. Best believe that.

• 22:16H. Foley?

  Anybody that needs to keep up on family members that maybe don't live in the same area. You get them that, you load it up. Grandma gets to see what Billy's doing. Is he striking out at Little League? Are they moving, uh, Girl Scout cookies over there at the troop? It's the best gift. Moms, dads, brothers, sisters, like Kip said, do yourself a favor, get an Aura Frame. The gift made easy.

• 22:37Speaker 02

  Yes, and they have, they are Comtech certified. Aura Frames enhances daily life without overwhelming it. The frame will be, will quietly blend into your home, surfacing meaningful memories in a way that almost feels ambient and additive. It's not a beep, bop, scat, and it's not a, it's not a, uh, you know, they're not showing blues clues or nothing. Uh, it's got free unlimited storage, you preload photos before it ships, you can personalize your gift, you get a box included. What more is there? It takes all the ga- listen, I probably shouldn't say this. I'm not a good gift giver. This is for people who aren't good at gifts. That's how good of a gift it is. It takes all of the guessing work out and they'll love it. Uh, it was named number one by Wirecutter. You can now save by visiting auraframes.com. For a limited time, listeners can get thirty-five dollars off,

• 23:19Speaker 02

  select frames, plus free shipping with the code garbage at aura, A-U-R-A, frames.com, promo code garbage. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. Do it.

• 23:28H. Foley?

  Do it. Did your brothers or, did your brother or sister know about this?

• 23:32Speaker 03

  No.

• 23:33H. Foley?

  Hey, you all on your own?

• 23:34Speaker 02

  Anyone believe you? Friend or anybody?

• 23:36Speaker 03

  No. Everyone thinks I'm full of shit.

• 23:39H. Foley?

  Oh, God.

• 23:40Speaker 03

  It's like really confusing. And so.

• 23:44H. Foley?

  If you went back and burned down the town like Carrie, that would be acceptable.

• 23:47Speaker 03

  I don't think anyone would be mad. Yeah. The fucked up thing is I had such good grades, but I almost failed gym class because I couldn't run the mile.

• 24:00H. Foley?

  They didn't believe you either? Nobody stepped in and said, hey, there's something wrong with this child.

• 24:04Speaker 03

  Not a single person.

• 24:06H. Foley?

  Did you do anything before this to warrant this kind of, uh, suspicion?

• 24:10Speaker 02

  The boy who cried wolf type thing.

• 24:11H. Foley?

  Yeah, did you do anything, stuff like that?

• 24:13Speaker 03

  Um.

• 24:14H. Foley?

  You ever fake a kidnapping or anything?

• 24:16Speaker 03

  No.

• 24:17H. Foley?

  Hide yourself down in a barn and say you were in a well?

• 24:19Speaker 03

  Well, my, my older sister told me, you remember in like elementary school?

• 24:25H. Foley?

  Uh huh.

• 24:26Speaker 03

  When they would do like vision tests at school?

• 24:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 24:30Speaker 03

  She was like, hey, it'd be really fucking cool if you lied and got glasses because all the cool people wear glasses. So I was like, okay.

• 24:42H. Foley?

  Are those fake glasses?

• 24:43Speaker 03

  No, these are real. I need them now.

• 24:46Speaker 02

  So you, you fibbed on her?

• 24:48Speaker 03

  I lied about the glasses.

• 24:50H. Foley?

  You lied about, did you get glasses then?

• 24:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, and they were thick and I couldn't see anything. And I wore them for like a year.

• 24:59H. Foley?

  Did your mom find out that you were lying about that?

• 25:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, then, yes, but it turned out I do have astigmatism in the, uh, so.

• 25:09Speaker 02

  The joke's on you, ma.

• 25:10H. Foley?

  You wore bad glasses for a year.

• 25:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:12Speaker 02

  But you're a kid. That's, kids are looking, I mean, I, uh.

• 25:16H. Foley?

  Couldn't see.

• 25:17Speaker 04

  You dressed like Marty McFly for your whole high school career.

• 25:20H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 25:21Speaker 02

  And you could not fly.

• 25:24Speaker 02

  There was a lot of flies around.

• 25:25H. Foley?

  Eighteen. Ear and nose throat doctor. You get to neurologist.

• 25:29Speaker 03

  I have to tell her.

• 25:32H. Foley?

  Because it's expensive.

• 25:33Speaker 03

  It's very expensive.

• 25:34Speaker 02

  You tell your mom.

• 25:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, and she's pretty pissed that I've been doing this secretly. And she was like, it goes, I knew I was doing so much research and they were like, you're either gonna need a, uh, MRI because you might have a tumor on your cerebellum, which I'm like rooting for, or it's a genetic disease. So a genetic test.

• 26:02H. Foley?

  How long is this process going on?

• 26:04Speaker 03

  Um, like from ENT and now, two months.

• 26:08H. Foley?

  Two months. You're doing research on your own.

• 26:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 26:10H. Foley?

  How's your social life at this time? Are you hanging out? Are you drinking? Are you?

• 26:14Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, I partied. I partied a lot. I think I was coping with no one believing me.

• 26:20Speaker 02

  Of course.

• 26:20Speaker 03

  And I was dating like an old guy, which is weird.

• 26:23Speaker 02

  How old, how old is old?

• 26:25Speaker 03

  Ten years older than me. We started dating when I was fifteen.

• 26:29Speaker 02

  Oh my God.

• 26:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 26:31H. Foley?

  Where'd you meet him?

• 26:33Speaker 02

  Tennessee.

• 26:34Speaker 03

  At the park. He was slacklining. I could do a backflip and land on it. That's pretty fucking cool.

• 26:41H. Foley?

  What's a, what's slackline?

• 26:42Speaker 02

  You're gonna hate it. It's those guys that tie the rope.

• 26:45Speaker 03

  The worst.

• 26:46Speaker 02

  It's like the ratchet strap type rope between trees and then they like tightrope and bounce on it. You know, the kind of guys who date fifteen-year-olds.

• 26:55Speaker 03

  He had things that I couldn't do. Okay.

• 26:59Speaker 02

  That's a balance test right there.

• 27:01H. Foley?

  He's hanging out at a park. You're a fifteen, he's twenty-five. You're a fifteen-year-old kid.

• 27:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:10H. Foley?

  Who from his eyes drinks a lot.

• 27:12Speaker 03

  Yes, yes, big drinker.

• 27:16H. Foley?

  Did your mom know about him?

• 27:18Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah.

• 27:19H. Foley?

  Did she know he was twenty-five?

• 27:20Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 27:21H. Foley?

  She approve of that?

• 27:22Speaker 03

  She didn't care.

• 27:24Speaker 02

  She didn't care.

• 27:25Speaker 03

  I know.

• 27:25H. Foley?

  Picks and chooses.

• 27:26Speaker 03

  Confusing.

• 27:27H. Foley?

  Huh.

• 27:28Speaker 03

  Uh, she was busy.

• 27:29H. Foley?

  Busy?

• 27:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, we're broke.

• 27:31Speaker 02

  They're broke.

• 27:32H. Foley?

  Apparently.

• 27:33Speaker 02

  This whole time thinking you're broke and having money is the craziest thing.

• 27:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:36H. Foley?

  My parents should have done that. We were broke, but... Um, okay, so you go to her with the MRI, you gotta say hey.

• 27:44Speaker 03

  Well, I'm like, will you pay for one of these? She was like, fine, if you'll like, drop this afterwards. Then she let me pick which test.

• 27:54H. Foley?

  Which test?

• 27:55Speaker 03

  I picked genetic. Which...

• 27:59Speaker 02

  That was the right one, right?

• 27:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:00H. Foley?

  That way you can blame her even more.

• 28:02Speaker 03

  Right.

• 28:02Speaker 02

  Don't bitch, I get this from you.

• 28:04Speaker 03

  You're with me. I'm like, you next asshole.

• 28:09Speaker 03

  She said, fine, she paid for it. It takes three months for those to come back, so I'm just waiting.

• 28:15H. Foley?

  Jesus, the South, taking time.

• 28:17Speaker 03

  I know. And then we, uh, she comes with me, cause they have news. And, um, they're like, you have this rare genetic disease called Friedrichsattexia, and this is why you walk this way and talk, you know? Only five thousand people in the US have it, okay?

• 28:42H. Foley?

  Is it, it's degenerative?

• 28:43Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah.

• 28:44H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 28:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's progressive, like it gets worse.

• 28:47H. Foley?

  Did they tell you all that stuff there?

• 28:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, they were like, you're gonna die by the time you're thirty-five or forty, and you're not gonna be able to speak, see, hear, walk.

• 28:58H. Foley?

  Talk about a face throw. What'd you say to your mom? I would have looked at her like, you see you fucking bitch, I told you.

• 29:03Speaker 03

  That's exactly what I did.

• 29:05H. Foley?

  Yes!

• 29:05Speaker 03

  I couldn't even be sad. I was like, I was right, fuck you, fuck you, like I was on my fuck you tour.

• 29:12H. Foley?

  Did she break down, start crying?

• 29:13Speaker 03

  Oh, she was sobbing.

• 29:15Speaker 02

  That's what you want.

• 29:16H. Foley?

  Let's fucking go!

• 29:17Speaker 02

  That's what you want in the movie scene?

• 29:18H. Foley?

  Yeah!

• 29:19Speaker 02

  You want your, I mean, you saying how confused, like that, that's what like really got, like just wanting some sort of support and validation and not getting that, and then like...

• 29:28H. Foley?

  That's the kind of vic- oh, I want that.

• 29:30Speaker 02

  That's like movie vindication.

• 29:31Speaker 03

  Are you writing for this?

• 29:32Speaker 02

  It's not the best news for you, but...

• 29:35Speaker 03

  She cries about it for maybe ten minutes, then then goes, oh my god, what's wrong with your sister? We get her tested, same fucking thing. The girl I've been copying?

• 29:52Speaker 03

  Two years ago, my little brother.

• 29:55H. Foley?

  Really?

• 29:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, so all three of us.

• 29:58H. Foley?

  Now I feel bad for you.

• 29:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:00Speaker 03

  I know.

• 30:01Speaker 02

  Now it's, man, this is like, this is...

• 30:02Speaker 03

  It's like a slow burn. Who's the bad guy?

• 30:05H. Foley?

  A slow burn! The long game. Ah, Jesus.

• 30:11Speaker 03

  I know.

• 30:12H. Foley?

  Does it matter if you catch it early?

• 30:14Speaker 03

  No.

• 30:15H. Foley?

  Is there newer medicine?

• 30:16Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 30:17H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 30:18Speaker 03

  That's a good thing.

• 30:19Speaker 02

  Really hoping for a positive answer. Stop asking, let her give the medical information she wants to volunteer, you stop fishing.

• 30:26H. Foley?

  Go home, the dog's dead.

• 30:29Speaker 02

  Um, now, but, uh, before we get to that, it was, is there any, uh, history of the, like, this is the first time it's rearing its head?

• 30:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:37H. Foley?

  Does it come from the mother's side or the father's side?

• 30:39Speaker 03

  Both. They're both carriers.

• 30:42Speaker 02

  They're both carrier.

• 30:43Speaker 03

  And not, and they just fucked each other and he left and like, so I've been like, we got a good dad out of this. You know what I mean?

• 30:53H. Foley?

  You don't talk to him at all?

• 30:54Speaker 03

  Uh-uh, not for...

• 30:56Speaker 02

  Would you at this point?

• 30:57H. Foley?

  No.

• 30:58Speaker 03

  I haven't talked to him in like, four years now. Before it was like, he texts me on my birthday, like, our whole text was, it, it used to be, happy birthday, and then it was like, happy day, and then it was HPD, then it was just like an explanation.

• 31:17H. Foley?

  Were you still seeing him on Thursdays and all that stuff?

• 31:19Speaker 03

  Well...

• 31:20H. Foley?

  When did that stop?

• 31:20Speaker 03

  He tried to relinquish custody and the court wouldn't let him.

• 31:26H. Foley?

  What the fuck? I don't get that part of it.

• 31:28Speaker 03

  But I didn't know that until, uh, now, like, I didn't realize that was what was happening.

• 31:35Speaker 02

  Damn, what a fucking dickhead.

• 31:36Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 31:37H. Foley?

  Sorry, I didn't mean to shit on your dad.

• 31:39Speaker 03

  No, I get it.

• 31:40Speaker 02

  I think she's okay with it.

• 31:43Speaker 02

  I mean...

• 31:44H. Foley?

  Shit, okay. So you're, you're eighteen at this point, you get diagnosed.

• 31:52H. Foley?

  Do they start you on a medication?

• 31:53Speaker 03

  No, there was nothing when I was diagnosed.

• 31:57H. Foley?

  So this was it?

• 31:58Speaker 03

  Right.

• 31:58H. Foley?

  So now you're facing your mortality?

• 32:00Speaker 03

  Right, I thought this was something they'd fix, and then I go to college to play volleyball. Like, I

• 32:09Speaker 03

  didn't think, even when they explained it, I was like, whatever, science will figure it out, you know?

• 32:15H. Foley?

  So you weren't freaking out?

• 32:16Speaker 03

  No, until about a week later, and then I started Googling it. And I was like, okay, and this is maybe the worst thing they could have told me, and there was no medical...

• 32:29H. Foley?

  At the face throw, though.

• 32:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's true, that was where I did, that was...

• 32:34H. Foley?

  That's a three-year...

• 32:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, built up, man, and, uh, the best part? The day I was diagnosed, my, uh, father actually showed up, and I was like, whoa, what? He had a random woman with him in his car, and I was like, hey, I'm glad you're here, but like, who the fuck is that?

• 33:00H. Foley?

  Did he show up because he was picking up mail, or did he find out that you got diagnosed?

• 33:04Speaker 03

  He was, uh, I guess, he was just invited to like, the final appointment.

• 33:10Speaker 02

  It was at the doctor's, yeah.

• 33:11H. Foley?

  Oh!

• 33:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, but he had a random woman in his car that I saw.

• 33:16H. Foley?

  He sat on the car?

• 33:17Speaker 02

  Fucking neurologically.

• 33:18Speaker 03

  My mom wouldn't let her in the room, obviously. But my car was parked near his, so I saw her, and I was like, who's that? Like, what? And he goes, uh, sorry, she just gets like, really horny when she's sad, so, thought this would be a good opportunity.

• 33:38Speaker 02

  Are you fucking kidding me? That's what your dad said to you on the day you get diagnosed?

• 33:43Speaker 03

  Lemons and lemonade, right?

• 33:45Speaker 02

  Also, did you, were you, did you drive yourself to this?

• 33:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 33:48Speaker 02

  That's crazy, I mean, at some point...

• 33:50H. Foley?

  Well, where was your mom? At work? She drove from work?

• 33:52Speaker 03

  I don't remember.

• 33:53H. Foley?

  Did you both leave from the house in your cars?

• 33:55Speaker 03

  I did not like being...

• 33:56Speaker 02

  You shouldn't have been driving either way. At some point, your mom's gonna, you know what, maybe I'll...

• 34:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, I couldn't find the brake, and I thought everyone had a hard time with that.

• 34:05Speaker 02

  So you got diagnosed and then drove your cell phone?

• 34:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:07H. Foley?

  And your dad got laid?

• 34:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:09Speaker 02

  In the car.

• 34:10Speaker 03

  Hell, yeah, someone needs you.

• 34:11Speaker 02

  He comes out in a lab coat.

• 34:13H. Foley?

  All right, okay.

• 34:15Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 34:19Speaker 02

  What a, I mean...

• 34:20H. Foley?

  So no volleyball?

• 34:22Speaker 03

  No.

• 34:22H. Foley?

  Why volleyball? Would you play volleyball in high school?

• 34:24Speaker 03

  It was my favorite. I was super athletic, so I think that's why I was like, something is wrong.

• 34:31Speaker 02

  Right.

• 34:32Speaker 03

  But like, my older sister was a big like, book person. She was, she's smart.

• 34:39Speaker 02

  That's real Tennessee, she was a big book person.

• 34:42H. Foley?

  Reading and such.

• 34:46H. Foley?

  Okay, so what happens from eighteen on?

• 34:50Speaker 03

  Um, well, I went to college immediately.

• 34:55Speaker 02

  Where'd you go?

• 34:56Speaker 03

  UT Chattanooga.

• 34:58Speaker 02

  Okay, what was the major?

• 34:59H. Foley?

  Is that main campus?

• 35:00Speaker 03

  Uh, Knoxville.

• 35:01H. Foley?

  Right.

• 35:02Speaker 02

  I don't think you would put Chattanooga in there. It's UT.

• 35:05H. Foley?

  Oh, yeah, true.

• 35:07Speaker 02

  Um, what was the major?

• 35:09Speaker 03

  Graphic design.

• 35:10Speaker 02

  Okay, you said that with a smile.

• 35:12Speaker 03

  Well, I...

• 35:13Speaker 02

  What's that all? I mean, that's a, that's a major, no?

• 35:15Speaker 03

  I wanted to do like, banding and drawing, which is stupid too, but they were like, your hands are gonna work.

• 35:22H. Foley?

  Shaky house.

• 35:23Speaker 03

  I swear to god, they were like, your hands are gonna work eventually.

• 35:27Speaker 02

  I was just like, that's, that's an admirable job.

• 35:29Speaker 03

  Okay. I chose graphic design, cause I was like, Stephen Hawking's press buttons forever, and so I can do that shit, you know? So I majored in that. I was very depressed.

• 35:43H. Foley?

  Depressed.

• 35:44Speaker 02

  So you just have to cope with the symptoms as the diagnosis?

• 35:46Speaker 03

  Oh, and I'm still trying to like, hide it, cause I don't wanna scare boys.

• 35:50H. Foley?

  Are you walking around?

• 35:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:52H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 35:52Speaker 03

  But everyone's staring, like, it's not easy, and so I'm just like, trying to like, walk when no one's looking.

• 36:00H. Foley?

  Canes, crutches, anything?

• 36:01Speaker 03

  Eventually cane, but that's just cause it wouldn't serve me at bars.

• 36:08Speaker 02

  That's, I mean, that's a pure dirtbag too.

• 36:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 36:10H. Foley?

  So you were out drinking?

• 36:12Speaker 03

  Oh, a lot.

• 36:13H. Foley?

  Were you partying, going to parties?

• 36:14Speaker 03

  I was partying.

• 36:15H. Foley?

  Hooking up dudes, all that stuff?

• 36:16Speaker 03

  I was a whore, yeah.

• 36:19Speaker 02

  Welcome to the show!

• 36:20Speaker 03

  I thought I was dying, you know what I mean? So I'm like, I'm gonna fuck as many people as I can before no one wants to. I didn't know what I was gonna look like. Now I'm married.

• 36:34Speaker 02

  Now I'm married. Sorry about your earmuffs.

• 36:38Speaker 03

  It's a guy's old, he can't hear you.

• 36:40H. Foley?

  Matt A!

• 36:43Speaker 02

  You gotta type, you like them ten years older too, by the way. Um, wow, okay.

• 36:48H. Foley?

  Does he do slick lining or anything like that?

• 36:49Speaker 02

  What's a slick line?

• 36:50H. Foley?

  What's slack line?

• 36:53Speaker 02

  Um, yeah, what kind of weird things is he into? Um, all right, so...

• 36:59H. Foley?

  Did you graduate college?

• 37:00Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 37:01Speaker 02

  Were you living on campus or were you commuting?

• 37:03Speaker 03

  Uh, the first year I lived on campus, and then I worked three jobs.

• 37:09Speaker 02

  You're still work? Your mom's still having you fucking work?

• 37:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, I...

• 37:13Speaker 02

  What the fuck is wrong with this lady?

• 37:14Speaker 03

  I found out she was wealthy, because to get into college, you have to fill out a FASPA. And I needed her information.

• 37:25H. Foley?

  Did you apply to college yourself and all that stuff?

• 37:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:29Speaker 03

  And I thought I would get all these like grants and shit because we're broke.

• 37:33Speaker 02

  She makes it familiar.

• 37:34Speaker 03

  And I qualified for nothing that wasn't grade based. And I was like, what the fuck? And she was still trying to make it sound like she made more or less.

• 37:45Speaker 02

  Less than she did, but you have the numbers.

• 37:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:47Speaker 02

  You don't have to give out the number, but like, what are we talking? Like?

• 37:50Speaker 03

  Millions.

• 37:52Speaker 02

  She was making millions of dollars?

• 37:54Speaker 03

  I'm like.

• 37:55Speaker 02

  I did not think that.

• 37:56H. Foley?

  You're making millions of dollars. You're 13 buying a 500 dollar car, working. You're sick. She's not denying it.

• 38:04H. Foley?

  Did you pay for school? Did she pay for school?

• 38:05Speaker 03

  She paid for school.

• 38:07Speaker 02

  At least she can fucking do it at this point.

• 38:10H. Foley?

  You applied to college yourself and all that stuff?

• 38:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:12H. Foley?

  Man, I would, you are.

• 38:15Speaker 03

  She created a workout thing.

• 38:17H. Foley?

  A hundred percent.

• 38:18Speaker 03

  It's like, there are definitely parts of it that are, you're like, that's bad parenting.

• 38:22Speaker 02

  I gotta be honest with you, a lot of it sounds like that.

• 38:24H. Foley?

  Yeah, but I'll tell you what, how you responded to it and how you worked out, you have my, my ultimate respect. You are a rock solid human being. I would have went the complete opposite way.

• 38:32Speaker 02

  I was kinda thinking that when you were going.

• 38:35H. Foley?

  Hundred percent.

• 38:35Speaker 02

  I'm like, dude, one of these speed bumps, you would have been fucking suicide by cop.

• 38:40H. Foley?

  Yeah. My God, I'm such a bitch. It's crazy.

• 38:44Speaker 02

  Um, alright.

• 38:45H. Foley?

  You are something else.

• 38:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, wildly. I mean, just the, the resilience is, is fucking, and also to be like, yeah, I'm still out fucking and drinking. It's like awesome.

• 38:55H. Foley?

  Get in the cane, they wouldn't serve me a bar.

• 39:00H. Foley?

  Kim, let's talk about Square.

• 39:01Speaker 02

  Square, square, square.

• 39:02H. Foley?

  Support for today's episode comes from the good people at Square, the system powering like half the places you go. If you've ever tapped to pay and thought, wow, that was fast, it was probably Square. Whether you're selling lattes, cutting hair, detailing cars, or running a design studio, Square helps you run your business without running yourself into the ground.

• 39:25Speaker 02

  And right now listeners can get up to $200 off Square hardware when you sign up at square.com/go/garbage. That's Square, S-Q-U-A-R-E.com/go/garbage. Visit Square to get started because the right tools make all the difference. Listen, top down, if you're running, uh, you got a store with a hundred locations, Square can help you. If you're a hustler on the, on the weekend.

• 39:50H. Foley?

  Got a kiosk at the mall.

• 39:52Speaker 02

  Selling something at a farmer's market, Square can take care of you. They got you buttoned up from top to bottom. We use Square on the road. Bada bing, you see Diesel for a t-shirt and a tour? Bing pal, it's all Square, baby. We're a Square business ourselves. If you're starting a business or running one that deserves better tools, Square's helps you sell, manage, and grow without slowing down. Right now you can get $200 off Square hardware at square.com/go/garbage. That's Square, S-Q-U-A-R-E.com/go/garbage. Run your business smarter with Square. Get started today. Do it.

• 40:21H. Foley?

  Kim, let's talk about Chime.

• 40:22Speaker 03

  Chime.

• 40:23H. Foley?

  As you know, baby, life comes at you pretty quick.

• 40:26Speaker 02

  You ain't lying, big man.

• 40:27H. Foley?

  Things start adding up.

• 40:28Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 40:28H. Foley?

  You know what I'm saying? I wish I could go back and tell my younger self, if you're gonna do a little banking, make sure you save your money, make sure you do it right. Watch out for bank fees, all that kinda stuff. I'll tell you what I really wish, I could go back and say, hey, I wish I had Chime.

• 40:43Speaker 02

  I know. Listen, if, if you're out there, this is where Chime comes in. Chime is changing the way people bank. It's hard, listen, it's hard enough to keep a buck as it is. Then you got these big corporate banks coming after you.

• 40:56H. Foley?

  Overdraft fees.

• 40:57Speaker 02

  Overdraft fee, uh, monthly statement, not it. Oh, oh, five, five dollars for this, $10 for that. They got their hand in your pocket. Not with Chime. Chime offers the most rewarding fee-free banking, all with no overdraft fees, no monthly fees, no minimum balances. You get 5% cash back on the Chime card in a category of your choice, like gas or groceries, all while building credit through regular, everyday spending. And if you're ever in a pinch, SpotMe lets you overdraft up to $200 fee-free. Look at that. I know I need that, dog. Uh, right now you can join the millions that are already banking fee-free with America's number one choice for banking. Head to chime.com/garbage. That's chime.com/garbage. Sign up now. It only takes a few minutes.

• 41:38H. Foley?

  Do it.

• 41:39Speaker 05

  Chime is a fintech, not a bank. Banking services and Chime card provided by Chime's bank partners. Qualifying direct deposits required. Terms and limits apply. Go to chime.com/disclosures for details.

• 41:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, um.

• 41:52Speaker 02

  What are the jobs you have in college?

• 41:53Speaker 03

  Okay, so I was a hostess, which was hard for me.

• 41:58Speaker 02

  You mean running around a restaurant?

• 41:59Speaker 03

  Literally.

• 42:00H. Foley?

  Let me see, I'm sorry to cut you off, but now you're diagnosed. The school's aware of your condition, right? Do they?

• 42:05Speaker 03

  I didn't tell them. I didn't want special treatment. I don't fucking know, cause.

• 42:10H. Foley?

  I would have had a fucking golf.

• 42:12Speaker 03

  All my, all my friends, the part that like fucked with me after diagnosis is I'm just stoked to have a name for what I knew was wrong. But I didn't feel any different about myself than I did the day before I was diagnosed. And now everyone around me feels like. And I fucking hated that. And I was like, I'm not gonna.

• 42:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, I don't want, I don't want that to be everybody's interpretation of me.

• 42:43Speaker 03

  Like, I don't know how long I can like trick people into thinking I'm not disabled, but I'm gonna do it as long as I can.

• 42:52H. Foley?

  And is this, had you started any medication yet?

• 42:55Speaker 03

  No.

• 42:55H. Foley?

  So.

• 42:56Speaker 03

  There was nothing.

• 42:57H. Foley?

  And your head, your.

• 42:59Speaker 03

  I'm hurtling towards death and I'm not, yeah. I'm like, why am I in college? I can't believe that thing crossed my mind.

• 43:09Speaker 02

  That makes, I'd be like, yeah.

• 43:10H. Foley?

  All them dudes.

• 43:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:13Speaker 02

  Easy pickin'.

• 43:16Speaker 02

  Man, okay.

• 43:17H. Foley?

  You graduated.

• 43:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:19H. Foley?

  You're working the whole time you're in college?

• 43:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:21H. Foley?

  You going home for holidays and shit like that?

• 43:24Speaker 03

  Uh, some of them.

• 43:26H. Foley?

  So you're on your own. Do you have a boyfriend then?

• 43:29Speaker 03

  Ugh, yeah.

• 43:31Speaker 02

  What did he do?

• 43:31Speaker 03

  Eventually, he was not in college.

• 43:34Speaker 02

  Of course, that's always such a, hanging out with people that aren't in college when you're in college is so definitive.

• 43:40H. Foley?

  What happened to the 25 year old? When, when did you lose him? And did you tell him about the diagnosis?

• 43:44Speaker 03

  Bro, okay, so that guy actually, he thought like once I started trying to figure out what was wrong with me. He also thought something was wrong with me.

• 43:57H. Foley?

  He believed you.

• 43:58Speaker 03

  He did. Cause I couldn't slackline.

• 44:02Speaker 02

  This boy cannot keep her balance.

• 44:05Speaker 03

  But he thought I had like muscular dystrophy, which isn't too far off actually. And, um, once I got diagnosed, he was excited because he didn't want me to leave and go to college. He wanted me to stay in Franklin. So he was like stealing my birth control and shit. Yeah.

• 44:30Speaker 02

  To get you pregnant?

• 44:31Speaker 03

  Uh huh. So I started secretly digging birth control on this.

• 44:36Speaker 02

  That's like a double agent. I don't know who you're working for. This guy, you get the diagnosis, so he loved you or some version of.

• 44:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 44:47H. Foley?

  Control or something.

• 44:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was, I think.

• 44:50H. Foley?

  Was he nice to you? What did he do for a living?

• 44:52Speaker 02

  Slackline dude.

• 44:53H. Foley?

  He's 25.

• 44:55Speaker 03

  He was unemployed a lot. He was really into like.

• 45:00Speaker 02

  Guy, guy hanging in the park dating children.

• 45:02Speaker 03

  Oh my God, I never, what did he do for a living?

• 45:06Speaker 02

  Feeling of nothing. He didn't do anything.

• 45:07H. Foley?

  Selling birth control on the side, apparently.

• 45:11H. Foley?

  Loose pills.

• 45:11Speaker 03

  I don't fucking know. I've never.

• 45:14H. Foley?

  Did you ever live with him?

• 45:15Speaker 03

  No. But he lived with his parents when I met him. And then his parents eventually were like, we don't want a 15 year old at the house. So he moved out.

• 45:28Speaker 02

  Logical people you've explained so far are his parents.

• 45:32Speaker 03

  Kinda. So there were, uh, seven day adventures.

• 45:39H. Foley?

  What's that?

• 45:40Speaker 02

  It's not.

• 45:41H. Foley?

  Is that slacklining?

• 45:42Speaker 02

  That's the pro slackline team in Franklin, Tennessee. The seven day evangelist.

• 45:48H. Foley?

  Oh, seven day evangelist.

• 45:49Speaker 03

  That was it.

• 45:50Speaker 02

  Um, okay, I mean, alright, so you stopped dating him? Wait, so he gets kicked out of his house?

• 45:57Speaker 03

  Well, he gets an apartment closer to where my mom lives.

• 46:02H. Foley?

  All this keep, stay with you?

• 46:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:04H. Foley?

  I give him credit, he moved out of his parents' house for you. Shit.

• 46:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's good. Um, I never lived with him, but when I got diagnosed again, he's stoked. Cause he thinks that means I'm not going anywhere. And I'm definitely leaving. Like, I was like, starting to realize it was weird. That he was dating me and, um.

• 46:28H. Foley?

  Peace out together all yourself, huh?

• 46:30Speaker 03

  Yeah. It took me three years.

• 46:31Speaker 02

  Your dad and him are hanging out?

• 46:34Speaker 03

  He, uh, and then when I got into college, he lost his shit. Like, he got so mad.

• 46:42Speaker 02

  Control stuff.

• 46:45Speaker 03

  And I broke up with them and it was all, no one's gonna want you. You're disabled.

• 46:51Speaker 02

  What?

• 46:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 46:53Speaker 02

  This guy's a dickhead.

• 46:53H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 46:54Speaker 02

  Not just a creep and a pedophile, he's also mean.

• 46:56Speaker 03

  So many people have said that exact thing to me. I'm like, okay.

• 47:01Speaker 02

  What?

• 47:02Speaker 03

  I'm like, no one's gonna want you.

• 47:04Speaker 02

  The guys you were dating or whatever?

• 47:06Speaker 03

  Any guy I broke up with, that's like their favorite line.

• 47:09H. Foley?

  I mean, I respect them.

• 47:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's hack at this point.

• 47:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm like, okay. I like.

• 47:17H. Foley?

  Gotcha. Wow.

• 47:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, but then like.

• 47:20H. Foley?

  Top all this, she's a heartbreaker lady.

• 47:25H. Foley?

  Wow. Alright, so who was the guy at college that you were with?

• 47:29Speaker 03

  He was age appropriate.

• 47:32Speaker 02

  But didn't go to college?

• 47:33Speaker 03

  No, he was like two years older than, older than me.

• 47:37H. Foley?

  But you had somebody.

• 47:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, but he was the worst.

• 47:40Speaker 02

  Where did you meet him? At a bar?

• 47:42Speaker 03

  So he, my mom actually set us up. We went to high school together, but like didn't know each other then. And he still lived in Franklin with his mom.

• 47:58H. Foley?

  You had an off campus boyfriend in college?

• 48:01Speaker 02

  That your mom set you up with?

• 48:03H. Foley?

  Probably took you a half an hour to get to class. You gotta go all the way back there to see this guy?

• 48:07Speaker 03

  Two hours, yeah. Yeah.

• 48:10Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 48:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, he was a chef.

• 48:13Speaker 02

  A chef? Okay.

• 48:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, and I was.

• 48:15Speaker 02

  A cook or a chef?

• 48:16Speaker 03

  A chef.

• 48:17Speaker 02

  A chef?

• 48:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, like Michelin star.

• 48:20Speaker 02

  What?

• 48:20Speaker 03

  I know.

• 48:21H. Foley?

  He's a Michelin star chef?

• 48:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:24H. Foley?

  Or he worked at a Michelin star restaurant? Still pretty good.

• 48:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, he was, I gotta give him that. It was a very.

• 48:31Speaker 02

  He's a meat at one, let alone fucking working at one.

• 48:33Speaker 03

  But he was like cheating on me the whole time, obviously. I don't trust chefs.

• 48:41Speaker 02

  I've never heard anybody say that.

• 48:43Speaker 03

  I will live and die by that.

• 48:46H. Foley?

  A shifty bunch. They're all fucked up.

• 48:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, he was addicted to coke.

• 48:52H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 48:53Speaker 03

  I saw my father and him, yeah.

• 48:55H. Foley?

  I put my hand up. Hundred percent.

• 48:57Speaker 03

  I get it, but I didn't realize it. Cause I wasn't really doing drugs. Like I tried coke in college for the first time. And I could do a cartwheel. And so I was like, this is amazing. Yeah. I went to my neurologist and told him.

• 49:15Speaker 02

  Do you ever do cartwheels?

• 49:19Speaker 03

  Hey, coke used to be a medicine, right?

• 49:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 49:23H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 49:26Speaker 02

  To deal with emotional trauma.

• 49:28H. Foley?

  What did your doctor say?

• 49:30Speaker 02

  He lines a day and call me.

• 49:31H. Foley?

  He shot you down?

• 49:32Speaker 03

  He was like, that is really interesting, but also do not forget you have a heart problem.

• 49:39H. Foley?

  You have a heart problem?

• 49:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 49:42H. Foley?

  What is it?

• 49:43Speaker 03

  It's part of this.

• 49:44H. Foley?

  Oh, okay.

• 49:44Speaker 03

  No, it's like a fun. Yeah, it comes with the goody bag.

• 49:49Speaker 02

  Sure, it's a feature.

• 49:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:51H. Foley?

  An option.

• 49:52Speaker 02

  Oh, man.

• 49:53H. Foley?

  Okay, so next to cocaine. Have they given you anything?

• 49:56Speaker 03

  No. I'm still like, oh my God, I'm dying.

• 50:01Speaker 02

  Are you talking to anybody, like a therapist about coping with any of nothing?

• 50:05Speaker 03

  I've never done therapy. That's on me.

• 50:08Speaker 02

  I mean, you're doing, you're handling it seemingly well. You have an outlet.

• 50:12H. Foley?

  Definitely on the outside.

• 50:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, I was not good there on the inside at that point. I was like losing my mind. And then me and the chef broke up because it's so embarrassing. I found out he was cheating on me. I didn't break up with him. And then a month later, he broke up with me for not breaking up with him. I don't.

• 50:37Speaker 02

  That is a dirtbag move.

• 50:39Speaker 03

  I'm an idiot. That was so stupid. Dude, yeah. And then I got really drunk and sad on Valentine's Day. It was right before then. My friend was throwing an anti-Valentine's Day house party. And bands and shit were going. So I showed up and there's like a flyer on the front door with the bands that are playing. And then it says comedian funeral colleague. And I was like, the fuck is this? And all my friends had been trying to kind of push me into doing stand up for a while.

• 51:19Speaker 03

  But I was so scared. I took a bunch of shots and then I had to do.

• 51:25H. Foley?

  Did you, were you telling them you wanted to be a comedian?

• 51:27Speaker 03

  No, I didn't want to.

• 51:29H. Foley?

  They just thought you were funny?

• 51:30Speaker 03

  Yeah. And so literally there are like 50 people in this like big house. Everyone sits, Chris Cross applesauce on the ground. I sit in like a sofa chair, you know, and like lean my cane up against it and, and do a microphone, just talk shit. About the chef. And it went well. And I was like, okay, I'm never doing this again. And I got tricked a couple more times and then I was like, fine.

• 52:02Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 52:03H. Foley?

  And, okay, this is in

• 52:07H. Foley?

  school. When did you start going to like open mics and stuff like that? Or did you?

• 52:12Speaker 03

  No, I, um, I got, I'm a shitfaced in Atlanta.

• 52:22Speaker 03

  I'm a cup holder, you know, um, in Atlanta for a clinical trial. And I brought a friend with me and we went to the punchline.

• 52:33H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 52:34Speaker 03

  Yeah. And just to watch. And they were doing a bucket spot, which I didn't know what that was. And I went to the bathroom and came back. My friend had secretly put my name in the fucking bucket. And they pulled my name out and I had to go up and do that. And then the booker, whoever it was at the time was like, do you do comedy in there? And I was like, no. And then I couldn't do the clinical trial because my veins were too small from being hungover.

• 53:06Speaker 02

  Wait, what?

• 53:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's like a thing. They have a hard time taking blood. Like you're dehydrated, maybe? Is that what it is? They're like, you have the veins for cancer patients.

• 53:20Speaker 02

  Insane level of trash to go down to a clinical trial to fix your degenerative disease.

• 53:25H. Foley?

  And not be able to do it because you got fucked up.

• 53:28Speaker 02

  At an open mic that's connected to a diner. Shout out to the punchline.

• 53:32H. Foley?

  Wow.

• 53:33Speaker 03

  I know, I'm a weird one, man.

• 53:35H. Foley?

  No, no. Interesting. Trashy.

• 53:40Speaker 03

  I like it.

• 53:41H. Foley?

  Resilient?

• 53:44Speaker 02

  I mean, yeah.

• 53:45H. Foley?

  And then what happened with the booker?

• 53:47Speaker 03

  Oh, nothing. I never followed up on that. I was like, no fucking way. Yeah, no, that was good. And then I, I really officially started doing comedy. I moved back to Nashville after graduating college.

• 54:06H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 54:07Speaker 03

  And then for a job.

• 54:09Speaker 02

  Which was what?

• 54:10Speaker 03

  I cannot say.

• 54:12Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 54:14Speaker 03

  I got fired for being in a wheelchair and I signed a thing.

• 54:19H. Foley?

  Cool.

• 54:19Speaker 03

  But I got, I bought a house.

• 54:21Speaker 02

  You got paid.

• 54:24Speaker 03

  And after that, I was very sad again.

• 54:28H. Foley?

  Wait, hold on. You got fired for, for being in a wheelchair?

• 54:30Speaker 03

  Cause I got hired during COVID.

• 54:33H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 54:33Speaker 03

  So it was all Zoom. I don't need to tell anyone.

• 54:37Speaker 02

  Kind of fucking, I love you doing that.

• 54:39H. Foley?

  No shit. Then you show it the first day you're.

• 54:42Speaker 02

  You make your background a steam email.

• 54:44H. Foley?

  Hold on, what did, what did you get into the wheelchair?

• 54:46Speaker 03

  Uh, full time?

• 54:51Speaker 02

  I was just, I was doing part time.

• 54:52Speaker 03

  There is, that is a thing, I swear. Full time about five years?

• 54:58H. Foley?

  Okay, so in college?

• 55:02H. Foley?

  Or right out of college?

• 55:03Speaker 03

  Right out.

• 55:03H. Foley?

  Okay, so right out of college, your wheelchair, COVID hits. You get this job.

• 55:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:08H. Foley?

  You're working over Zoom. COVID's done. You show up to work the first day.

• 55:14Speaker 03

  I'm in shock. And I'm like, what did you think my voice was about?

• 55:19Speaker 02

  Just thought you were drunk.

• 55:21Speaker 03

  But yeah, so I get fired. I'm like, why am I back in Nashville? This is crazy.

• 55:28H. Foley?

  Lawsuit, I assume?

• 55:30Speaker 03

  Well, no, because I couldn't afford an attorney.

• 55:34H. Foley?

  Uh huh.

• 55:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, my dad's an attorney.

• 55:37Speaker 02

  Your dad's an attorney, your mom's a millionaire.

• 55:38H. Foley?

  So they just bought you out? Or they paid?

• 55:40Speaker 02

  Settlement.

• 55:41H. Foley?

  Settlement. They give you a settlement?

• 55:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:43H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 55:43Speaker 03

  And then I started my own graphic design company.

• 55:48Speaker 02

  Love that.

• 55:49H. Foley?

  And how, what are you, 24, 25?

• 55:51Speaker 03

  Oh my God, yeah, 24.

• 55:53H. Foley?

  Buy a house.

• 55:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:55H. Foley?

  Bang.

• 55:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:56H. Foley?

  Have you always been good with your money, I assume?

• 55:57Speaker 03

  No.

• 55:58H. Foley?

  Really?

• 55:59Speaker 03

  I'm really bad at it. I don't know. I give it away. I panic. I don't.

• 56:04H. Foley?

  Give it away to who?

• 56:05Speaker 03

  Uh, Matt.

• 56:08H. Foley?

  Your husband?

• 56:10Speaker 03

  No, I don't know. I don't, it all just, it's not like I'm investing. I have no idea how any of that works.

• 56:18Speaker 02

  But you're not blowing it necessarily.

• 56:19Speaker 03

  No, no.

• 56:20Speaker 02

  Buying a, a speedboat or something.

• 56:22Speaker 03

  I only shop on Amazon.

• 56:24Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 56:25H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 56:27Speaker 03

  I'm cheap.

• 56:29H. Foley?

  You bought a house?

• 56:29Speaker 03

  You mean?

• 56:30H. Foley?

  But you bought a house?

• 56:31Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 56:31H. Foley?

  You still own the house?

• 56:32Speaker 03

  No, I sold it recently. Me and Matt just bought a condo right next to Zany's in Nashville.

• 56:40Speaker 02

  Love that. Shout out to, shout out to the good folks at Zany's.

• 56:42H. Foley?

  Of course. All right. You start your own design firm. How does that go?

• 56:47Speaker 03

  Really well. I hired someone. I, like, we were, we were cooking. I was making good money. And then like, I wasn't really getting out of the house if it weren't for work. And my friends were like, hey, you need to like find a thing.

• 57:05H. Foley?

  But you had friends in Nashville?

• 57:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 57:08H. Foley?

  Where were they from? From school?

• 57:09Speaker 03

  From college.

• 57:10H. Foley?

  From college. So you had a, you had a social network. But you were living alone?

• 57:15Speaker 03

  Uh, and that, no, I was living with a friend at that point.

• 57:21H. Foley?

  In your house?

• 57:22Speaker 03

  Uh, yes.

• 57:23H. Foley?

  In the house that you bought? You let a friend live there? For free?

• 57:26Speaker 03

  No.

• 57:27H. Foley?

  All right.

• 57:28Speaker 03

  But for cheap.

• 57:29H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 57:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 57:30Speaker 02

  Covered the bills a little.

• 57:31H. Foley?

  And you're working from home?

• 57:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 57:33H. Foley?

  And she was your connection into that friend group? So it's like, let's get you out of the house. So go ahead.

• 57:37Speaker 03

  And she's like, you should try to go to this open mic. I found it online. And I was like, oh, I'm scared, but okay. So then I go, it goes well. I get booked on my first page show that night. And I'm like, okay, I'm gonna like do comedy as a hobby, like get new people, whatever. And so I got like obsessed with it really quick. And then my friends started presenting me.

• 58:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, like.

• 58:09Speaker 03

  For really spending all my time doing that. And like, that's all I wanted to talk about. And I'm like, this is your fault, you know? And then like, I feel bad, but like financially I was doing, we were making money with this company, but I didn't want it anymore. I, I'd rather make 50 bucks doing it, you know, like figure it out. So I slowly started cutting back on work and clients and my company. And it comedy became full time. Eventually I had to shut it down. I took like a huge pay cut to like do comedy, but I was paying my bills.

• 58:52H. Foley?

  Is this pre Kill Tony?

• 58:54Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah.

• 58:55H. Foley?

  Oh, this is before Kill Tony?

• 58:56Speaker 03

  Right. Like, I was like, do you say numbers on this?

• 59:02Speaker 02

  Whatever you want to.

• 59:02H. Foley?

  Speak.

• 59:03Speaker 03

  I was making like three grand.

• 59:05H. Foley?

  A week?

• 59:06Speaker 03

  A month.

• 59:07H. Foley?

  A month, I'm sorry. I meant a month. You're making three grand a month doing comedy, not just in Nashville? You were starting to tour?

• 59:11Speaker 03

  Right, just driveable.

• 59:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's pretty good.

• 59:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I was like, I'm.

• 59:17Speaker 02

  That's pretty good.

• 59:18H. Foley?

  Great.

• 59:19Speaker 03

  I thought it was like a success.

• 59:21Speaker 02

  I mean, for a standup comedian, that is a success.

• 59:23Speaker 03

  This is the best I could be doing. And then.

• 59:26H. Foley?

  You're making a name for yourself locally.

• 59:28Speaker 03

  Right.

• 59:28H. Foley?

  Gotcha. Okay.

• 59:29Speaker 03

  And so, you know, I had like 38,000 followers. Like I was like, I'm famous. Okay, you know.

• 59:36H. Foley?

  I'm with you.

• 59:37Speaker 02

  Oh, do you say numbers on this? $3,000. Yeah. Okay.

• 59:42Speaker 03

  I don't want to make anyone do that.

• 59:44Speaker 02

  I thought she was like, I thought she was gonna be like, I was making 500 grand a day.

• 59:48H. Foley?

  Did I mention amazon.com? Go ahead.

• 59:52Speaker 03

  Um, and then I didn't know what Kill Tony was. But I had an uncle.

• 1:00:01Speaker 02

  This guy.

• 1:00:02H. Foley?

  It's the first time you're mentioning an uncle.

• 1:00:04Speaker 02

  And he's for sure sketchy.

• 1:00:05Speaker 03

  He's literally a shaman?

• 1:00:08H. Foley?

  A shaman?

• 1:00:11H. Foley?

  What are they? Is that like a cook?

• 1:00:13Speaker 02

  We don't deal with chefs anymore.

• 1:00:14Speaker 03

  They do like ayahuasca retreats and like guide you.

• 1:00:19H. Foley?

  Is this your father's uncle, your father's brother?

• 1:00:20Speaker 03

  No, this is, I don't talk to my dad's side.

• 1:00:23H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 1:00:24Speaker 03

  They're all bad.

• 1:00:25H. Foley?

  It's your mom's brother?

• 1:00:26Speaker 03

  Well, it's.

• 1:00:28H. Foley?

  Here we go.

• 1:00:28Speaker 03

  It's my mom.

• 1:00:30Speaker 02

  You're not related to this guy.

• 1:00:33Speaker 03

  I'm crying. It's my mom's brother is a wife's brother.

• 1:00:38Speaker 02

  Your mom's brother's wife's brother.

• 1:00:40Speaker 03

  Uncle Lucas.

• 1:00:41H. Foley?

  That's not your uncle.

• 1:00:42Speaker 03

  I love him.

• 1:00:43H. Foley?

  Okay. He's a good guy though?

• 1:00:45Speaker 02

  We dated for a while, significantly older than me.

• 1:00:50H. Foley?

  So he does what? He tells you about Kill Tony?

• 1:00:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's like, you'd be so good on this show. And he like shows me a part of an episode. I'm like, what the fuck is? I'm like, this is not coming. No, I was like, okay, I mean, I'll try, I guess. And so then I get back to Nashville. I find out during the Nashville Comedy Festival, Tony's being down, in town. I am friends with the owner of Zany's at this point. And I'm like, hey.

• 1:01:23H. Foley?

  Dorfman?

• 1:01:23Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:01:24H. Foley?

  Good man.

• 1:01:25Speaker 03

  Great man.

• 1:01:26Speaker 02

  Friend of the program?

• 1:01:28Speaker 03

  He, I was like, can you introduce me to Tony? And he was like, for sure. So I get into one of the after parties. Tony shows up. I'm pretty drunk.

• 1:01:41Speaker 02

  I'm doing cartwheels, coked out of my mind.

• 1:01:44Speaker 03

  If y'all ever see me doing cartwheels, you know what's up.

• 1:01:51Speaker 03

  Talk about a hard come down.

• 1:01:55Speaker 03

  But I'm at this after party bar thing. I see Tony and I grab Dorf and I'm like, get him. And he goes, Tony, I need you to meet Fiona, hilarious Nashville comedian. And he like takes a knee to talk to me. His little puffer vest. And he, uh.

• 1:02:16Speaker 02

  I love, I love this subtle shot.

• 1:02:19H. Foley?

  Shout out to Tony.

• 1:02:21Speaker 03

  He looks at me and I was like, hey, you should put me on your show. And he goes, you're pretty hot for a girl in the world.

• 1:02:33Speaker 02

  This is like, there's like two lions like circling each other, each taking shots at each other.

• 1:02:37Speaker 03

  Hell yeah, dude. I'm also really funny. And he was like, okay, I'll give you a chance. And I was like, really? And he goes, yeah. And I told him when I was coming out. And he was like, all right, just DM me, blah, blah, blah. And so we did. And at this point, I'm dating Matt. I'm a brand new dating man. And he and I are out there. I ran out of money, like for these hotels and shit. And I'm like.

• 1:03:07H. Foley?

  How long did you go out there for?

• 1:03:09Speaker 03

  We were out there for like a week, which was stupid. But I was like, I'm gonna try to do spots everywhere. And we did. And it was good, but hotels are expensive. So we're both like, fuck, I'm out of money. And I will say, I called my mom and she swooped in and gave me money for a hotel so I could stay for Kill Tony.

• 1:03:31H. Foley?

  You're, when you say out of money, out of money, out of money, the budget that you had for that?

• 1:03:35Speaker 03

  No, like, I had no money.

• 1:03:38H. Foley?

  Huh.

• 1:03:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:03:40Speaker 02

  So were you getting like hotels like night by night?

• 1:03:43Speaker 03

  What do you mean? Yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was gonna say, because you typically pay for the hotel.

• 1:03:48Speaker 03

  Well, I was like, maybe, maybe.

• 1:03:50Speaker 02

  Maybe you'll make money. I mean.

• 1:03:53H. Foley?

  Matt was a Nashville comic as well.

• 1:03:54Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:03:55H. Foley?

  Got it.

• 1:03:55Speaker 03

  Yes. But my mom sent me money for a hotel room. And I was like, thank God. Cause I think it was like, it was like the option, but either I pay for this hotel or I eat. You know what I mean? Like, that was the situation.

• 1:04:12Speaker 02

  We've been there, of course, yeah. We chose to eat.

• 1:04:17Speaker 03

  We, um, I DM'd Tony, day of Kill Tony. I don't know if he's gonna reply, like, he doesn't even follow me, you know? And he responds real nice. He's like excited, whatever. We show up. Mothership is very scary. Um, you know, I'm panicking, sure, I couldn't walk then. I'm like, fuck no, I don't know what that, you know? I do like a weird wave, I think.

• 1:04:52Speaker 03

  But yeah, it went well.

• 1:04:54H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:55Speaker 03

  It was like.

• 1:04:56H. Foley?

  You killed.

• 1:04:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:04:58H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:58Speaker 03

  It was the best like interview set I'd ever had. And I like blacked out, not from drinking, but I was like so scared.

• 1:05:06Speaker 02

  Comedy.

• 1:05:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:05:08Speaker 02

  Wow. I mean.

• 1:05:11H. Foley?

  Epic.

• 1:05:11Speaker 02

  A wild, inspiring, I mean, amazing story.

• 1:05:14H. Foley?

  And that rest is history.

• 1:05:16Speaker 02

  But stone cold dirtbag. It's crazy. It's like genetically in you to be a dirtbag. It's wild. At every level, that took a turn.

• 1:05:30H. Foley?

  The ayahuasca fake uncle is. I think that.

• 1:05:33Speaker 02

  The savior?

• 1:05:34H. Foley?

  He's the moral compass of the tale.

• 1:05:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:05:39Speaker 03

  He's great.

• 1:05:40Speaker 02

  I mean, yeah, wild, amazing. But again, Tennessee trash.

• 1:05:45H. Foley?

  Through and through.

• 1:05:46Speaker 03

  Oh, for sure.

• 1:05:47Speaker 02

  That's crazy.

• 1:05:48Speaker 03

  Thank you so much.

• 1:05:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, thank you. What a, thank you for sharing.

• 1:05:51H. Foley?

  I guess this is the first episode we've ever, not one question.

• 1:05:55Speaker 02

  I mean, early on, I think we got to like.

• 1:05:58H. Foley?

  Little bit.

• 1:05:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, just like ba, easy background stuff.

• 1:06:00H. Foley?

  But man, what a fucking tale.

• 1:06:04H. Foley?

  Jesus. Good for you.

• 1:06:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:06:06Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 1:06:07H. Foley?

  We love you. Congratulations. Thank you for doing this.

• 1:06:10Speaker 03

  Of course.

• 1:06:11H. Foley?

  Anything you want the folks out there to know? What do you got coming up?

• 1:06:13Speaker 03

  Um, I'm on tour. All tickets are at Fiona Cauley dot com. And I have a podcast with my husband, Matt Taylor.

• 1:06:24H. Foley?

  Matty Taylor.

• 1:06:25Speaker 03

  Called Rampin' Up.

• 1:06:27H. Foley?

  Let's go.

• 1:06:29Speaker 02

  They're having a good time.

• 1:06:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:06:31H. Foley?

  How you doing now? Cash is coming in.

• 1:06:33Speaker 02

  Doing well.

• 1:06:34H. Foley?

  Plenty of money for hotels now, huh?

• 1:06:36Speaker 02

  Three thousand a month.

• 1:06:37H. Foley?

  Long way from five dollars an hour at the Chinese restaurant.

• 1:06:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:06:41H. Foley?

  Look at you.

• 1:06:42Speaker 03

  It's crazy.

• 1:06:43H. Foley?

  How's your, how's your, how's things with you and your mom now?

• 1:06:45Speaker 03

  They're really good.

• 1:06:46H. Foley?

  Cool.

• 1:06:47Speaker 03

  She, uh, I think comedy helped.

• 1:06:49Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 1:06:50Speaker 03

  Because I am very honest about how it was. And she now acknowledges it.

• 1:06:58Speaker 02

  She can see it.

• 1:06:59Speaker 03

  Yeah. And she's like, fuck. And she tells me she deserves me to talk like this about her.

• 1:07:06Speaker 02

  That's it. Yeah.

• 1:07:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, she's in therapy. She's off. We're very close now. She is MAGA, which is hard.

• 1:07:15H. Foley?

  She was what?

• 1:07:16Speaker 03

  A MAGA mom.

• 1:07:17H. Foley?

  Ah, gotcha.

• 1:07:18Speaker 03

  She like owns swag.

• 1:07:22Speaker 02

  You get a bumper sticker.

• 1:07:24Speaker 03

  I'm like, I'd be shocked if I don't already have one.

• 1:07:27Speaker 02

  She put one on, yeah?

• 1:07:30H. Foley?

  Man, so it all worked out?

• 1:07:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:07:33H. Foley?

  Man, you're tough, you know that?

• 1:07:35Speaker 02

  That is honest, very, very, very inspiring.

• 1:07:38H. Foley?

  Fiona Cauley, everybody.

• 1:07:41H. Foley?

  Let's go. Fiona, we love you. Thank you for doing the show. Gang, we love you. See you in three days.

• 1:07:46Speaker 02

  Peace.