Family Vacations Edition w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. We're talking Family Vacations, it's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! AYG 2025 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored by: HexClad: Find your forever cookware @hexclad and get 10% off at https://hexclad.com/garbage Better Help: Our listeners get 10% off their first month at https://betterhelp.com/GARBAGE Brunt Workwear: Get $10 Off at BRUNT with code GARBAGE at https://bruntworkwear.com/GARBAGE Acorns: Head to https://acorns.com/GARBAGE or download the Acorns app to get started. Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.

• 0:19H. Foley?

  Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?

• 0:24Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 0:25H. Foley?

  It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that it's a good to be classy.

• 0:28Speaker 02

  Hello.

• 0:29H. Foley?

  Or just a big old piece of trash.

• 0:31Speaker 02

  And it.

• 0:31H. Foley?

  I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Toody's in the new addition. She's upstairs snorting athlete's foot powder. She ran out of the good stuff.

• 0:40Speaker 02

  I don't get you.

• 0:41H. Foley?

  Little ten actor down there.

• 0:42Speaker 02

  Tough act.

• 0:43H. Foley?

  She's up there doing fucking Gold Bond.

• 0:45Speaker 02

  That's some good stuff.

• 0:46H. Foley?

  Not bad.

• 0:47Speaker 02

  That's named brain.

• 0:48H. Foley?

  Plus, she stays dry all day. My Coz is coming at you from across the table. He's my best pal in the whole wide world. He's the king of the burbs. He's a new father. He's a homeowner. He's got cars. He's got a loving wife. He's doing all right. He's a good kid. Plus, he's down a couple of pounds. And you know, his best pal is me. He's a lucky guy. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan, everybody.

• 1:08Speaker 02

  What up, gang? Shout out to you, uh...

• 1:11H. Foley?

  Do you ever think about that?

• 1:12Speaker 02

  What?

• 1:12H. Foley?

  I'm your best pal in the whole wide world. How lucky are you? How lucky are you, huh? You got Uncle Hank.

• 1:17Speaker 02

  I know.

• 1:18H. Foley?

  Throw a chuckle to you?

• 1:19Speaker 02

  Very, very, very lucky. If that's all it was, it'd be okay. Well, shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify. And guys, get your, get your fucking Werner ladders out, because the boys are climbing the charts. All right? Get your six footer.

• 1:35H. Foley?

  We don't need no help over there. We're in the goddamn charts.

• 1:37Speaker 02

  Get your fucking ten footer out. Get your little whoop-de-whoop. Get what, your high reach? Because the boys are going up the charts.

• 1:43H. Foley?

  So if we snub you over there on Spotify, it's because we're killing it.

• 1:46Speaker 02

  It's because we're top dog over there. Not top dog, we're top thirty-five. Top thirty-five.

• 1:50H. Foley?

  Over on YouTube, we need you. Spotify, we're the cool kids in school. So, we'll talk after school, all right?

• 1:56Speaker 02

  It's like, it's like school versus summer camp. I can't be fucking mixing worlds over there.

• 2:00H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 2:00Speaker 02

  Uh...

• 2:01H. Foley?

  I was never like that, by the way.

• 2:02Speaker 02

  What?

• 2:03H. Foley?

  You know, I can't talk to you.

• 2:05Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 2:06H. Foley?

  You know, in high school, I wouldn't like that. Talk to everybody.

• 2:09Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 2:10H. Foley?

  You, I would've iced.

• 2:11Speaker 02

  Okay, you're my best friend, right? You just said I'm your best friend, you fucking iced me?

• 2:14H. Foley?

  In the summer, can't be talking to some kid with Kool-Aid around his fucking lips or whatever you were doing.

• 2:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, we'd both look alike then.

• 2:20H. Foley?

  I never had that shit. Dirty, cold, pieces of breath.

• 2:24Speaker 02

  Uh, and then obviously, uh...

• 2:27H. Foley?

  The greatest website of all time?

• 2:28Speaker 02

  www.patreon.com/areyougarbage. You go over there, you get all that bonus content, gang. I'm talking two episodes at the $10 level. The $10 level, you get two episodes every week.

• 2:37H. Foley?

  Uh huh.

• 2:37Speaker 02

  Let me, let me school you in. If, if you're out there, you don't know, what is Patreon? I don't know, that's for the weirdos, that's for the boys? It's for the homies.

• 2:43H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 2:44Speaker 02

  And there's over 15,000 of them over there.

• 2:45H. Foley?

  15,000 strong.

• 2:47Speaker 02

  That could sell out Madison Square Garden.

• 2:49H. Foley?

  If everybody showed up.

• 2:50Speaker 02

  And we moved the stage, did a real big stage.

• 2:53H. Foley?

  Why, how many does that hold?

• 2:54Speaker 02

  I don't know, get a number on that. At a concert, probably...

• 2:56H. Foley?

  22.

• 2:56Speaker 02

  Nooo.

• 2:57H. Foley?

  35.

• 2:59Speaker 02

  At a concert, probably like 17 or something like that.

• 3:01H. Foley?

  17?

• 3:02Speaker 02

  Not with, not with the stage that we got. We each have our own stage, big. Take up the floor. Fake it up. Close out that top.

• 3:08H. Foley?

  Have it go up like that so I can slide down like U2 used to do.

• 3:11Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 3:11H. Foley?

  That long ass stage.

• 3:12Speaker 02

  I saw someone, Katy Perry backflipping through the crowd and it's like, what are we doing? That's like, that, I don't, I don't even think I'd wanna see that.

• 3:19H. Foley?

  No, you don't like backflipping?

• 3:21Speaker 02

  What's the, I mean, go, go see a fucking circus if you wanna see that.

• 3:24H. Foley?

  What about Chris Brown or Usher? You ever see those guys fucking dance?

• 3:27Speaker 02

  Man, they...

• 3:27H. Foley?

  They got the moves.

• 3:28Speaker 02

  They pull your girl up out of the crowd. It is a...

• 3:31H. Foley?

  Start finger blasting her in front of ya.

• 3:32Speaker 02

  It is a rap. They do that, that Afro-Caribbean dancing on her. Good night.

• 3:37H. Foley?

  Bumping and grinding, huh?

• 3:38Speaker 02

  Yeah. What do you got on, what do you got on MSG?

• 3:40Speaker 03

  Uh, 195, 5,000, 500.

• 3:43Speaker 02

  I can't sell them tickets.

• 3:44H. Foley?

  He's got bad numbers. You don't know what the hell he's doing. Stop by the corner office and say what's up to Luke, everybody.

• 3:49Speaker 03

  Hey, fellas.

• 3:49H. Foley?

  Really tank it over there. You've been sick for like a week.

• 3:52Speaker 03

  I know, I'm supposed to be in the Hamptons.

• 3:54Speaker 02

  Fucking rich kids.

• 3:55H. Foley?

  Fucking prick.

• 3:56Speaker 02

  I ain't never been to the fucking Hamptons.

• 3:57H. Foley?

  You know what he said?

• 3:58Speaker 02

  I went to the, I went to Montauk once for my, for my wife's fucking like 33rd birthday. I took her out.

• 4:06H. Foley?

  You did? You weren't in the Hamptons.

• 4:08Speaker 02

  I was at Montauk.

• 4:10H. Foley?

  Is that the Hamptons?

• 4:10Speaker 02

  Yeah. I don't know.

• 4:11H. Foley?

  I was in Tim Dillon's driveway once.

• 4:13Speaker 02

  Oh, I did go to Tim's. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 4:15H. Foley?

  Pretty cool.

• 4:16Speaker 02

  Let's not let in.

• 4:19Speaker 02

  He took the flatbread I brought in.

• 4:21H. Foley?

  I know this. You went to a restaurant and you didn't like it?

• 4:23Speaker 02

  No, we went...

• 4:24H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 4:24Speaker 02

  No...

• 4:25H. Foley?

  No, I'm telling you.

• 4:27Speaker 02

  As your best friend, I'm telling you. No, we went off-season on a Wednesday night. It took, fuck, it took like 6 hours to get out.

• 4:34H. Foley?

  Brutal. Straight the whole way.

• 4:37Speaker 02

  Dude, we got out there, it was dark. Checking into a motel, stayed at a motel. Fucking bedbugs, it was bad. It was rough. That was the only night, I've been out for 1 night.

• 4:47H. Foley?

  Jesus.

• 4:47Speaker 02

  I really wow this broad.

• 4:49H. Foley?

  Hey, it sounds like you do.

• 4:50Speaker 02

  I was pretty good at doing vacations and stuff like that. I'd book it right when I got my check. Right when I got direct to pay.

• 4:58H. Foley?

  Where did you ever go?

• 4:59Speaker 02

  What?

• 4:59H. Foley?

  Where'd you ever take her?

• 5:01Speaker 02

  Nah, it'd be like if I went to sea or what. Or like anything, I was just good at like managing the cash flow to get the plane ticket. Or whatever. You know what I mean?

• 5:12H. Foley?

  Kinda.

• 5:13Speaker 02

  Like I would buy it the second I got my check and then just live broke for the next 2 and 1/2 weeks. And I would time it with when I was getting paid again. So I'd be getting paid the day I left. I was leaving Friday, I made sure I booked my ticket for a Friday that was payday. All caked up, I can have a burger and a beer at the airport bar.

• 5:31H. Foley?

  Love a burger and a beer at the airport bar, don't you? You weren't sacrificing that, were you?

• 5:35Speaker 02

  Nah.

• 5:36H. Foley?

  No matter what happened after that. So you go over there.

• 5:40H. Foley?

  You go over to Germany, stay with her.

• 5:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:42H. Foley?

  Bar money offer.

• 5:43Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 5:45H. Foley?

  Now look at you.

• 5:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:46H. Foley?

  Huh? Sure taught her, huh?

• 5:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, right. Now, now, now who's fucking laughing?

• 5:53H. Foley?

  Kinda knocked up.

• 5:54Speaker 02

  Getting screwed every which fucking way.

• 5:56H. Foley?

  Trapped in the house.

• 5:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, I bought a fixer-upper, didn't know it was a fixer-upper.

• 6:01H. Foley?

  Listen to me.

• 6:02Speaker 02

  What?

• 6:02H. Foley?

  You're a good kid and I love you.

• 6:03Speaker 02

  Thanks.

• 6:05H. Foley?

  You know what I want to talk to you about?

• 6:06Speaker 02

  What's that, bud?

• 6:06H. Foley?

  Vacations.

• 6:07Speaker 02

  Oh, thanks for bringing that up.

• 6:08H. Foley?

  No problem. My idea of vacations?

• 6:11Speaker 02

  Telling me like it wasn't my idea.

• 6:12H. Foley?

  Doing themes. Doing themes here on the show. Changing it up a little bit. Scandals and animals.

• 6:19Speaker 02

  Only in New York.

• 6:21H. Foley?

  I think about that all the time.

• 6:22Speaker 02

  What?

• 6:23H. Foley?

  We're in Antutis, but we're broadcasting from New York City.

• 6:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:27H. Foley?

  I always wanted to do that as a little kid.

• 6:29Speaker 02

  As a little kid? You wanted to broadcast from New York City?

• 6:31H. Foley?

  Yeah, when I watched Letterman. We do a little show here out of New York City. We're broadcasting from New York City.

• 6:36Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 6:37H. Foley?

  It's pretty fucking sweet.

• 6:38Speaker 02

  Yeah. I'm only doing it for five years, fucking four days a week.

• 6:41H. Foley?

  What?

• 6:43Speaker 02

  Hey buddy, up the meds, will ya? This guy, take a couple of fucking reality pills.

• 6:49H. Foley?

  Woo wee!

• 6:50Speaker 02

  Check the frig in. Uh, no, it's, uh, as you said, I've, I've, I, I was, we were, uh, never a big vacation fan. Went down the shore. You get, ended down the shore, the aunt's house, the cousin's house, the fucking...

• 7:01H. Foley?

  That was it.

• 7:02Speaker 02

  That was it.

• 7:02H. Foley?

  That was it.

• 7:04Speaker 02

  And I've said that to my wife, she's like, "Well, you never went on vacations?" I was like, "We went on, we went down the shore a lot." So it was like, "You don't go on vacation in the winter, like, you don't, we never like, fucking went anywhere, cause it was, we went every..."

• 7:15H. Foley?

  They ever take you out of school? You ever, you ever, you never went on a vacation in like, October or something like that?

• 7:21Speaker 02

  We tried to go to Jamaica, we tried to go to Sandals once, cause that's where my mom and my stepdad would go every year. They got married there.

• 7:28H. Foley?

  Right.

• 7:28Speaker 02

  And we tried to go the next year, I think, for their one year anniversary.

• 7:31H. Foley?

  All together?

• 7:32Speaker 02

  All together, and there was some sort of coup, uh, there was some sort of, the government had raised the taxes, and, uh...

• 7:39H. Foley?

  Yeah, you stink.

• 7:40Speaker 02

  They gave, they gave, they gave a travel advisory not to go to Jamaica. So, "We're not going!" My mom was already nervous going to Sandals, let alone fucking...

• 7:51H. Foley?

  You're down there with a beret and a fucking machete, trying to do the accent? Holy shit.

• 7:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:56H. Foley?

  We wouldn't make it as gorillas, I don't think.

• 7:58Speaker 02

  No.

• 7:58H. Foley?

  We wouldn't be good gorillas.

• 7:59Speaker 02

  I have, I have...

• 8:00H. Foley?

  I'd cave in two seconds.

• 8:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, um, so we had to do, uh, so we, we, we did a last minute change to go to Disney, and we flew East Wind Air.

• 8:10H. Foley?

  Those go down.

• 8:11Speaker 02

  Oh, man.

• 8:12H. Foley?

  Are you kidding me?

• 8:13Speaker 02

  I've had to say this, just look, look up East Wind Air, there was a bumblebee on the back, and I remember my brother going, "I ain't getting on that fucking plane." He's a little, he's a little, little fraidy cat.

• 8:21H. Foley?

  So you did?

• 8:22Speaker 02

  Oh my god.

• 8:22H. Foley?

  So you, what?

• 8:23Speaker 02

  I mean, this plane looks like, it's like...

• 8:25H. Foley?

  They had two plane, only owned two planes.

• 8:27Speaker 02

  It's like Sullivan Learning Center. They got there selling sponsorships.

• 8:33H. Foley?

  Teaching you how to read in the back.

• 8:35Speaker 02

  Uh.

• 8:36H. Foley?

  So you did do that stuff.

• 8:37Speaker 02

  Once, we did it once and they changed it for like, we went down Thursday and came home Monday. That was one time.

• 8:42H. Foley?

  My cousins and some friends I knew used to do that, not every year, but like once every couple of years. That blew my, like, you're taking, you're getting out of school? Yeah, we're going skiing in Vail for like a week.

• 8:56Speaker 02

  That's, I mean, no.

• 8:57H. Foley?

  We're getting, we're going, we're getting, we're getting pulled out of school, we're going.

• 9:00Speaker 02

  We would do the Poconos on the week, like, we would do one winter trip to the Poconos. We'd go up to like Big Boulder, Jack Frost, Tanglewood, something like that. Yeah, on a weekend, maybe, may, yeah, it was a weekend. Maybe you'd, Friday afternoon, you'd leave. Cause the problem is my dad and my stepdad each own small construction companies and you can't.

• 9:20H. Foley?

  Dip.

• 9:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, you can't take a, if you own a small business, you can't take a week off, then nothing's fucking happening.

• 9:25H. Foley?

  Got the cash.

• 9:26Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? Here, you gotta wait for, you gotta make sure you collect. Those general contractors tend to pay 90 day, make you wait 90 days for your cash each. And let me tell you, we didn't have it. Um, so it was like, yeah, it would be Friday to Sunday night. What, that was it.

• 9:39H. Foley?

  You got a week down the shore, maybe two weeks if it was a good year.

• 9:43Speaker 02

  We never, no, we were just weekends.

• 9:45H. Foley?

  Never, two vacations. One drove to Texas in 1981, straight through in a Datsun, see my cousins. And then in 1989, right after the hurricane, right after the earthquake in San Francisco, we flew to Serene Lakes, California to spend, uh, like two weeks with my cousins up by Tahoe.

• 10:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:07H. Foley?

  That's it. They're the only two vacations we ever went on.

• 10:10Speaker 02

  I remember.

• 10:11H. Foley?

  Down the shore.

• 10:11Speaker 02

  I remember people would go to like Europe as a kid. And I remember Flip went to France.

• 10:17H. Foley?

  France?

• 10:18Speaker 02

  Who the fu, what, what, what, what, he went already? Like, I, it's just like, to get my mom or dad to go to Fr-

• 10:26H. Foley?

  I think if my parents were millionaires, they would have never gone to France.

• 10:29Speaker 02

  I think for their, I think my, my dad, so my dad would get, cause he would buy so much like PVC from like ABC Plumbing or whatever, or like Supply House, that they would get, hey, we'll give you for being like customer of the year. We'll send you on like an apples vacation to Portugal. I remember him and my mom went to Portugal.

• 10:49H. Foley?

  Portugal?

• 10:49Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 10:50H. Foley?

  Your stepdad?

• 10:51Speaker 02

  No, my dad and my mom.

• 10:52H. Foley?

  No shit?

• 10:53Speaker 02

  And before they had kids.

• 10:54H. Foley?

  Portugal?

• 10:55Speaker 02

  And he would tell me-

• 10:56H. Foley?

  How the fuck you know?

• 10:57Speaker 02

  He would tell me stories and I would sit there like he was fucking Magellan. I go, "Tell me more." Porch- I'd tell people, "My dad went to Portugal." Like I was, I was like, dude, that was like, you might as well, you might as well been on the moon. I was like, "Yeah." He'd be like, "Yeah, there was cops on a horse." I said, "Cops on a horse?"

• 11:16H. Foley?

  They speak a weird kinda Spanish over there. The fuck's that all, what's that all about, by the way?

• 11:20Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 11:21H. Foley?

  Portugal's got a show off? You can't speak Spanish? You speak Portuguese?

• 11:24Speaker 02

  I don't know. I'm sure they got conquered by the, some, I'm sure it's, you know.

• 11:27H. Foley?

  By who?

• 11:28Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 11:28H. Foley?

  Would've happened to be Spanish.

• 11:29Speaker 02

  I don't think they voted to speak Portuguese. That's a-

• 11:31H. Foley?

  No, I think they did. They would be speaking Spanish.

• 11:34Speaker 02

  Why does Brazil speak Portuguese then?

• 11:36H. Foley?

  Brazil speaks Spanish. Don't they? Speak Portuguese?

• 11:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, right?

• 11:40H. Foley?

  Luke?

• 11:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:42Speaker 02

  Yeah. You didn't know that?

• 11:44H. Foley?

  I don't know. I'm an idiot. I don't know where Portugal is.

• 11:48Speaker 02

  It's over by-

• 11:49H. Foley?

  It's over by Spain, but I, in my head, it's in South America.

• 11:52Speaker 03

  Brazil was colonized by Portugal.

• 11:54H. Foley?

  Brazil was col- no shit?

• 11:55Speaker 02

  Brazil's huge!

• 11:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:56H. Foley?

  Damn!

• 11:56Speaker 02

  They rolled over like that?

• 11:58Speaker 03

  Portugal.

• 11:59H. Foley?

  Surprise.

• 11:59Speaker 02

  Portugal's tiny!

• 12:00Speaker 03

  No, they were one of the main, main guys back then.

• 12:03Speaker 02

  That's what I'm saying.

• 12:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:03Speaker 02

  I don't know what I'm talking- No shit, yeah.

• 12:05H. Foley?

  Brazilians are a feisty bunch.

• 12:07Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 12:08H. Foley?

  Brazilian chicks, I'm gonna straighten you out.

• 12:09Speaker 02

  I've seen the videos. Um, but yeah, no, uh, so this is what we're doing. We're doing trashy vacations. Figure, nice. Also, I learned, August is the time people, like July, and it's like, that's, now, cause my, my, my, my kids, my, my brother and sister do it, they have their family vacation. Like, my sister's like, "We go on a road trip every year. We take the kids to do some sort of like experient, experiential, uh, whatever."

• 12:35H. Foley?

  Like the Grand Canyon or something?

• 12:36Speaker 02

  Not that, but they'll drive to like, you know, "We're driving to upstate New York to see the Finger Lakes or something." I'm like, "What? Morrie's Pier. Wildwood, New Jersey."

• 12:46H. Foley?

  We'd hit a Knobbles Grove or a Great Adventure or Dorney Park or something like that. Maybe Hershey Park on a weekend.

• 12:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, that, I mean, that's not-

• 12:53H. Foley?

  Drive down to DC on a weekend with the, with the families and do the, you know, fucking see the memorial and all that stuff? Go to the Vietnam Memorial, stand there for a little bit, get something to eat and come back.

• 13:03Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 13:03H. Foley?

  A road trip with my family, like, educational and-

• 13:07Speaker 02

  They're teachers, they do the teaching stuff. Not for me.

• 13:11H. Foley?

  My dad would've lost his fucking mind.

• 13:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:14H. Foley?

  Couldn't do anything like that. Fucked up people. Best vacation I ever had, that was the one where we went to stay with my cousins in, uh, Serene Lakes, California. That was a proper, good time.

• 13:24Speaker 02

  Yeah. Uh, one time, I remember one time we did Ocean City, New Jersey. No, Ocean City, Maryland. And I remember listening to a, my, uh, just listening to, CDs were big at the time. And my cousin had a big CD book and I just sat in the room. It rained every fucking day. I just sat in our room.

• 13:43H. Foley?

  Folks, if you're not familiar with Ocean City, Maryland, uh, a lot like purgatory.

• 13:48Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 13:50H. Foley?

  Like, if aliens tried to make a shore town and missed.

• 13:55Speaker 02

  Uh-huh, I do remember-

• 13:56H. Foley?

  Something odd about it, if you're, if you're, if you grew up going to the Jersey Shore.

• 13:59Speaker 02

  So it was, I guess it was me, my mom, I don't know if my stepdad was there, and us three kids, and then my aunt Karen, my uncle John, and their kids. So there's like ten of us in a house, something like that?

• 14:12H. Foley?

  Heathens.

• 14:13Speaker 02

  Maybe more, I forget.

• 14:14H. Foley?

  Heathens.

• 14:15Speaker 02

  And I remember it was like one of those tall, like, uh, anytime we ever rented a house in Wildwood, if you've ever been to Wildwood, you know these, it's like the first floor of a small cottage home, or the second floor, or like the back, sometimes the fir-, the- Sometimes the house is split like in the middle and there's someone just on the other side of the wall, you know? So we were a lot of that. And then there was just like, you always just felt-

• 14:37H. Foley?

  It's like you're in a toolbox.

• 14:38Speaker 02

  Yeah. It's very true. And you always just compared yourself to the people upstairs or next door, or, and you just went, "At least we're not them."

• 14:47H. Foley?

  Oh wow, look at them. That was usually our thing. Damn, they got that place? That guy's doing alright.

• 14:52Speaker 02

  No, it wasn't that. It wasn't place, it was behavior. It was like, these people out there like fistfight. We called the, I remember the one, we sat out on the porch, AstroTurf covered porch and called the people next to us the Springers. Cause it was like watching Jerry Springer, we didn't have, there was like no cable, we just sat out there. And then the mom was fighting with the boyfriend, dad would come and fucking clean someone's clock.

• 15:12H. Foley?

  That was kind of us. We'd take over the harbor house in Ocean City.

• 15:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:16H. Foley?

  Just take over the fucking deck. Parents be drinking, hanging out all night.

• 15:19Speaker 02

  I mean, no, we did that, but they would, that's what I'm saying. We would watch them all get in some sort of fight. And that's, that's what we did, but whatever. Um.

• 15:28H. Foley?

  Fighting on vacation, scars ya.

• 15:30Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 15:31H. Foley?

  Trauma.

• 15:32Speaker 02

  Sure. Um, but all that's neither here nor there. We gotta get, uh, I just fucking went down a dark, dark path.

• 15:38H. Foley?

  I was about to slip into it too. I remember a fight that we, the four of us got into, right outside of the Coast Guard base in Cape May. I thought for sure this was it. His family was splitting up. Never went back to Cape May until we went back with Tommy and O'Connor.

• 15:55Speaker 02

  Sure, which we ruined that. I mean, that was, we were trying to go out to a nice dinner and we all got in a big fight drunk.

• 15:59H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 16:00Speaker 02

  Shout out to Chris O'Connor, ruined dinner.

• 16:04H. Foley?

  Chocolate covered strawberries, that's all my mom wanted.

• 16:06Speaker 02

  She a freak.

• 16:09H. Foley?

  There's some fucking place down there.

• 16:10Speaker 02

  Take him in the bedroom.

• 16:11H. Foley?

  We had literally just went through nuclear war.

• 16:13Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 16:15H. Foley?

  Shut up!

• 16:21Speaker 02

  Good times.

• 16:22H. Foley?

  That's why we're here, gang.

• 16:24Speaker 02

  That's how we got here, broadcasting from New York City. This is like David Letterman.

• 16:29H. Foley?

  Okay, but let's talk about Hexclad.

• 16:30Speaker 02

  Hexclad, Hexclad, Hexclad.

• 16:32H. Foley?

  I'm talking about non-stick pans. I'm talking about state of the art technology.

• 16:39Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 16:39H. Foley?

  I'm talking about the latest craze in cookware. If you ain't using Hexclad...

• 16:46Speaker 02

  You're a gosh darn bozo, gang.

• 16:48H. Foley?

  I mean, you might as well be cooking possum on a stick.

• 16:50Speaker 02

  Listen, this couldn't have come in crazier. About three weeks ago, I bought Hexclad. I was on the show talking and bragging about how I got Hexclad. Next thing you know, Hexclad's a sponsor, not even connected, two separate connected things. I got eggs going.

• 17:04H. Foley?

  He thought they just sent it to him.

• 17:05Speaker 02

  I got eggs going. These things don't stick at all. You can't get an egg to stick. I mean, it's insane how good these things are.

• 17:12H. Foley?

  The design is nuts, too.

• 17:13Speaker 02

  Uh, Hexclad pans truly check every single box when it comes to picking your cookware. They are metal, utensil safe, dishwasher safe, oven safe, up to 500 degrees.

• 17:21H. Foley?

  Oh!

• 17:22Speaker 02

  Uh, they are induction ready and even have a stay cool handle so you can saute with ease. I'm talking ch-ch-ch-ch-ch.

• 17:28H. Foley?

  They're nice, man.

• 17:29Speaker 02

  Uh, right now, you can get 10% off your order with our exclusive link. Just head to hexclad.com/garbage and level up your kitchen before your next cookout. One more time, that's hexclad.com/garbage and level up your kitchen before your next cookout. Cook better with Hexclad like Kipperino.

• 17:44H. Foley?

  Do it. Gang, this is an ad by BetterHelp.

• 17:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:47H. Foley?

  As you know, talk therapy is very important. If you're looking to take that first step, do yourself a favor, get over to BetterHelp, man. You go on there, they'll match you with a licensed therapist. You get to do it from your own home. It's about a fraction of the cost of going in. It's unbelievable.

• 18:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:01H. Foley?

  Kevin and I both took that step.

• 18:03Speaker 02

  Yeah. Uh, and it's tough. It feels like, especially online, there's advice of every way, "Hey, do this, try this." The cold plunges, "Do this, do that for red, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." The internet has a bunch of information and can be overload about mental health and wellness, and it can be a struggle to know what's true and which actions to take these days. Using trusted resources and talking to a live therapist can get you personalized recommendations and help you break through all of that noise. Like the big man said, this is an easy way into your mental health journey, whether it's for a few days to talk to somebody, a long-term conversation.

• 18:36H. Foley?

  Something small, something big, whatever.

• 18:37Speaker 02

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• 18:54H. Foley?

  Do it.

• 18:55Speaker 02

  Do it. Um, but, uh, we reached out to the good, uh, the good homies over there on Patreon, and they flooded, uh, flooded the discussion board with their stories and tales of, uh, of trashy vacations.

• 19:09H. Foley?

  Hit me, Kippy. Kevin Ryan, everybody.

• 19:11Speaker 02

  And this is one to, uh, we forget. We're looking backwards, but like, there's a lot of times where people are still taking vacations with their friends, which we don't necessarily do.

• 19:23H. Foley?

  With their friends?

• 19:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, like, friends go on vaca- families, you know, two different families go on vacation together.

• 19:29H. Foley?

  Yeah, we did that. You mean like people our age?

• 19:31Speaker 02

  Yes, like now, we're not doing that. Like, you don't have a friend that you're like, every year, "We get a house in the Poconos for a week."

• 19:39H. Foley?

  We could.

• 19:40Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 19:42H. Foley?

  You weren't such a dick. You mean like, guys our age that-

• 19:47Speaker 02

  I don't know, you're taking this personal for some reason.

• 19:48H. Foley?

  I'm not taking it personal. Guys that have families are like buddies.

• 19:51Speaker 02

  Anybody, yes. Use your imagination. There's groups of people in their twenties, thirties, forties, that either travel with their fa- they started off going with themselves, and then they go, "You know what? We each have kids the same age. Let's all go away. Let's all do that."

• 20:03H. Foley?

  Isn't that crazy? There's guys our age that are doing like the dad stuff, like that have like, you know, ten, twelve-year-olds, that are like, they're doing that?

• 20:10Speaker 02

  Not really, I mean-

• 20:12H. Foley?

  That's crazy.

• 20:12Speaker 02

  I mean, I guess my perspective has recently changed on it, is the fact of having a kid, but yeah.

• 20:16H. Foley?

  Like Phil X, like Phil X does that kind of shit. He's the dad. And you'll be doing that soon.

• 20:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:23H. Foley?

  Until she throws you out.

• 20:26H. Foley?

  And you're living with me.

• 20:28Speaker 02

  Oh my god.

• 20:30H. Foley?

  What would you do?

• 20:31Speaker 02

  Talk about purgatory. What? We'd jump off the G W B.

• 20:35H. Foley?

  What? Then we'd start going on vacation, together.

• 20:39Speaker 02

  Where? Cape May? Fight you at the fucking Coast Guard's office?

• 20:42H. Foley?

  Go to Patty's. Club Foley, that's what we do.

• 20:45Speaker 02

  Sure. Um, I mean, we did, we've all tra- when we went to Ireland, that was a vacation. I mean, that was a work trip, but we didn't do shows. We travel very- we're a little different. We travel so much together. You know what I mean?

• 21:00H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 21:00Speaker 02

  But, alright, so this one is-

• 21:01H. Foley?

  People have lives.

• 21:02Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 21:05Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 21:09H. Foley?

  I never did anything like that.

• 21:11Speaker 02

  What?

• 21:12H. Foley?

  That what you're saying, like, you know, "Yeah, we all go away every year," all that stuff. Never.

• 21:17Speaker 02

  At what age? I don't know what you're talking about. Like, in your twenties, you never went on vacation with your boys?

• 21:23H. Foley?

  Not like-

• 21:23Speaker 02

  Or like, a group of people?

• 21:24H. Foley?

  We went camping once, up at Lake George.

• 21:27Speaker 02

  Who?

• 21:28H. Foley?

  Me, Shriner, Dufrane, my buddy Dell, my buddy Nate-

• 21:32Speaker 02

  You sound like a bunch of dead guys. Shriner, Dufrane.

• 21:36H. Foley?

  My buddy Nate brought his girl, dime piece.

• 21:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:39H. Foley?

  Smoke show. They had a big tent, and me, Dufrane, and Dell were in like, a two-person tent.

• 21:45Speaker 02

  Uh-huh, bet you were, playing night crawlers.

• 21:47H. Foley?

  Didn't shower for two weeks, weren't allowed in the house.

• 21:49Speaker 02

  Two weeks?

• 21:50H. Foley?

  Yeah, we were there for two weeks.

• 21:52Speaker 02

  Why?

• 21:53H. Foley?

  I don't know. Shriner wanted to go up there. Shriner had a house up there, his parents have a house up there.

• 21:57Speaker 02

  It sounded like he didn't have a house up there. If you stayed in the fucking 270, you stayed in a two-person tent.

• 22:02H. Foley?

  No, they had like, a real nice house.

• 22:03Speaker 02

  Remember those nice tents?

• 22:04H. Foley?

  We slept on the lawn one night, but for the most part, we were in the campground, right in front of the lake. So we like, bathed in the lake, brushed our teeth, stuff like that. It was hot and sweaty, it was brutal.

• 22:14Speaker 02

  Ah, really? It wasn't calm, cool, collected, and comfortable?

• 22:16H. Foley?

  Uh-uh.

• 22:17Speaker 02

  Uh-

• 22:17H. Foley?

  He brought his girl too, and I remember we drove to-

• 22:19Speaker 02

  It sounded like you're fucking ninth-wheeling it on a fucking, on a couples' weekend.

• 22:22H. Foley?

  No, me, no, no, no. Me, Dell, and Dufrane were ninth-wheeling it, and there was two couples, and we drove to Vermont, Burlington, and they all went to lunch, and me, Dell, and Dufrane didn't have any money, so the couples just went to lunch-

• 22:38Speaker 02

  You guys are like stray dogs, following people around.

• 22:42H. Foley?

  We stood outside the restaurant, starving, starving. Hey, guys, nothing like that back then, nobody gave.

• 22:49Speaker 02

  You guys are just-

• 22:50H. Foley?

  Could've got a hot meal at Shriner's parents' house, but they were always very nice. It was just a lot of us.

• 22:54Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 22:56H. Foley?

  That's the first time I ever had that-

• 22:57Speaker 02

  They're avoiding eye contact through the window. You guys are just standing out front of the restaurant, they're just fucking... Oh god, are they looking at us?

• 23:03H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 23:03Speaker 02

  Oh god, oh god.

• 23:05H. Foley?

  Brutal.

• 23:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, listen-

• 23:09H. Foley?

  I've done that.

• 23:10Speaker 02

  Yeah-

• 23:11H. Foley?

  Is that like, what you're talking about?

• 23:11Speaker 02

  I wouldn't invite you guys back on a group vacation if that's, that was, that was your one group vacation you went on.

• 23:18H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 23:18Speaker 02

  If I was in that group-

• 23:20H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 23:20Speaker 02

  You showed up-

• 23:21H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 23:22Speaker 02

  No money.

• 23:24H. Foley?

  Nah, no money.

• 23:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, no money, no broads, no chicks.

• 23:28H. Foley?

  Nah, I wasn't seeing anybody.

• 23:29Speaker 02

  And no pussy.

• 23:31H. Foley?

  Nah, we was on a, it wasn't a swingers thing. What I did didn't matter. They had their girls.

• 23:37Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 23:38H. Foley?

  In their nice big tents.

• 23:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're probably sitting there hating on. I know you. You're in a, looking at a nice ass restaurant. I'm out here in the cold. I'm, you're, you know, I'm on the fucking front lines out here. It must be nice. You got your hot bra with her big tits, your bowl of fucking clam chowder. I smell like the fucking, you know.

• 23:59H. Foley?

  Probably some of that going on.

• 24:00Speaker 02

  Like the creek bed.

• 24:01H. Foley?

  Probably some of that going on.

• 24:01Speaker 02

  You gotta cuddle up with your fucking Tu- with Dufresne and fucking the other guy from the twenties.

• 24:06H. Foley?

  Shout out to Tommy D.

• 24:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, I would go, hey guys, that was a lot of fun. I'd start a side group text. You go, hey, that was a lot of fun.

• 24:14H. Foley?

  There's no text messaging back then, dickhead.

• 24:16Speaker 02

  That guy Foley's a bit of a prick. Very judgmental. But.

• 24:21H. Foley?

  Well, then those guys eventually, like Tommy, you know, he, you know, he got a girl and all that kind of stuff. And I think they grew and progressed and all that stuff. I was never good at that kind of stuff. You probably do that shit, right? You and your buddies all go to Maine or something like that.

• 24:34Speaker 03

  Usually an AC, there was an AC trip we were doing.

• 24:37Speaker 02

  That's not, I mean that's.

• 24:38Speaker 03

  Everyone goes to Penn State now for like a football game.

• 24:40Speaker 02

  Uh, that's, I kinda get that.

• 24:42H. Foley?

  The tailgate, the stay and all that kind of stuff. Get the ice cream.

• 24:46Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 24:47H. Foley?

  Loser.

• 24:49Speaker 03

  I'll bring you next time.

• 24:50Speaker 02

  See, now you're in. Yeah. I'll sleep in a tent.

• 24:53H. Foley?

  Are you gonna hang out with your jerk off buddies? And what kind of, kind of tail's gonna be there?

• 24:57Speaker 03

  No, I know, Dufresne felt.

• 24:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, right.

• 25:00H. Foley?

  Tommy D? We roll your crew. Till you sue us.

• 25:06Speaker 02

  Got nothing.

• 25:08H. Foley?

  Yeah, the reason I'm so taken aback is that stuff is so foreign to me. And I, I'm jealous of it. I'm envy of it. I wish I had my shit together to do that kind of stuff. But I wasn't going to fucking wine country with like, you know.

• 25:22Speaker 02

  No, I mean, there's a, listen, there's a difference between wine country and sleeping in someone's front yard with no money to go to, to a restaurant.

• 25:28H. Foley?

  Yeah, I'm aware of that, Kevin.

• 25:29Speaker 02

  I know, so, well, I mean, we did it. We did the Poconos a couple of years when we were in our early twenties.

• 25:34H. Foley?

  That's you and your fucking drugged out buddies going up there and getting all fucked up drinking warm beer. That's not like you were going antiquing and going out and doing stuff.

• 25:41Speaker 02

  I never fucking claimed it wasn't.

• 25:42H. Foley?

  I see your spots, leopard. Don't act like you're better than me.

• 25:46Speaker 03

  What were you and Dufresne doing?

• 25:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, what the fuck?

• 25:49H. Foley?

  Getting fucked up.

• 25:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:51H. Foley?

  Yeah, getting fucked up.

• 25:54Speaker 02

  I don't know what side of this argument I'm, I don't uh, I feel attacked. I feel like I should attack you.

• 25:59H. Foley?

  You're acting like you were looking at art galleries and stuff like that.

• 26:02Speaker 02

  Dude, that's insane.

• 26:03H. Foley?

  You're a dirtbag.

• 26:04Speaker 02

  No, I did. So I went to the Poconos with fucking six of my buddies. That's, I'm saying that's the extent that I did it and I, I was the one who organized it and I bounced the check. Shout out to Nancy Brasili.

• 26:14H. Foley?

  That's what I'm talking about.

• 26:14Speaker 02

  Haha.

• 26:15H. Foley?

  That's my guy right there.

• 26:16Speaker 02

  I was moving some things around.

• 26:17H. Foley?

  That's my guy right there. But people do do that kinda stuff. That fascinates me.

• 26:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, um, but this, you know, obviously.

• 26:24H. Foley?

  Which I know sounds crazy to everybody. That sounds nuts.

• 26:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think, uh, but that's what you do. I'm just trying to think, you're like, I think that sounds crazy. And your only attempt at it was to go to sleep in someone's front yard. That's what I'm trying to wrap my head around. You're like, yeah, that seems so foreign to me. It's like, yeah, well, when you go on a vacation without a place to stay and no money, I, you might not do it again. You know what I mean? You might have a bad experience again. You know what? Guys, I don't know what this has all cracked up to be. Vacation sucks.

• 26:53H. Foley?

  I was never able to plan it. You know what I mean? Like, oh, we all gotta put the deposit in now to go, to go somewhere in two months. I have 400 bucks now? Something two months away?

• 27:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's crazy to me.

• 27:03H. Foley?

  The bag's right there.

• 27:04Speaker 02

  That's crazy to me, yeah.

• 27:06H. Foley?

  Right? People do that stuff.

• 27:08Speaker 02

  I know. Not, that was never me. It was ne- didn't, never me.

• 27:13Speaker 02

  And to get like, uh, yeah, it just wasn't. Just never worked that, it never worked out that way. But this, alright, so this is from Steve. Is it garbage if let one of your friends, is it garbage if you let one of your friends go on a vacation even though he hasn't paid you back for last year's? That would be a folly and probably won't pay you back for this year's. My buddy still owes me 90 bucks from last year and I told him it's 300 for this year. He replies, sheesh, that's a lot of money.

• 27:41H. Foley?

  That's a good friend.

• 27:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:43H. Foley?

  That's gonna get old though.

• 27:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was gonna say at some point that where, now this guy's in 300, he's in 90 from, so he paid his.

• 27:51H. Foley?

  What's he doing going on vacation if he don't got the cash?

• 27:53Speaker 02

  That's what I'm saying to you. What the fuck you talking about? You on a vacation, couldn't afford to go to a restaurant.

• 27:57H. Foley?

  And, and, and I went the other way. Either this guy's gonna not be in their lives in a few years or he's gonna get his shit together.

• 28:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:03H. Foley?

  I went the other way.

• 28:06Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 28:06H. Foley?

  See you guys later.

• 28:07Speaker 02

  But you gotta, you gotta think it starts getting expensive for that guy. He's in 300 for him, 300 for him set for his boy, 90 from his boy for last time. That's 400. That's he's in for his fucking 690.

• 28:17H. Foley?

  It's crazy.

• 28:18Speaker 02

  That's a lot of cash.

• 28:19H. Foley?

  I wouldn't be able to do it. I wouldn't be able to go on vacation and enjoy myself, knowing that he paid for it.

• 28:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, I'm the same way. I mean, no, I should say, when I was very, very broke, I, everybody paid my way. Shout out Phil, shout out Pat, shout out Goo, everybody paid my fucking, everyone paid my way.

• 28:36H. Foley?

  Go to vacation?

• 28:38Speaker 02

  I went on Phil's bachelor party. I landed with like 80 bucks and everybody, shout out to Big Gay Ann, Black Phil, everybody just, I was the charity case.

• 28:47H. Foley?

  I certainly wouldn't be picking appetizers at the table. All of one of these or one of those.

• 28:51Speaker 02

  Oh, no.

• 28:53H. Foley?

  Get your bowl of soup and shut up.

• 28:57Speaker 02

  I went to a bachelor-

• 28:58H. Foley?

  That shit sucked.

• 28:59Speaker 02

  Bachelor party in Atlantic City. I was doing the math and I was like, alright, I can get out of here for, you know, out of the dinner for like a bu- I can get out of here for a buck.

• 29:07H. Foley?

  I know the story. You're fucked.

• 29:09Speaker 02

  Man, some guy ordering a round of shots for the table.

• 29:11H. Foley?

  God!

• 29:11Speaker 02

  I said, what the fuck is even this? About to fake a heart attack. Fuck that.

• 29:17H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 29:18Speaker 02

  Um-

• 29:19H. Foley?

  That shit sucked.

• 29:20Speaker 02

  Yeah. Uh, alright, this one's from Fridge Sigs. Uh, $10 homie never had one read. Is it garbage if your dad's credit card gets jammed up at the, for the hotel incidentals hold and we get declined at the gates to the theme park and your sister's high school boyfriend has to pay to get in?

• 29:35H. Foley?

  Ooh.

• 29:36Speaker 02

  That-

• 29:36H. Foley?

  Pay for everybody?

• 29:38Speaker 02

  I guess, if your card's fucking declined from the-

• 29:40H. Foley?

  Woo wee!

• 29:42Speaker 02

  Man, when you're walking that tightrope on a vacation, that hotel incidental can be devastating.

• 29:48H. Foley?

  Brutal.

• 29:48Speaker 02

  Devast- it could, it could change your month.

• 29:51H. Foley?

  Brutal.

• 29:52Speaker 02

  If it jams you up and there's, there's overages and you always gotta, you gotta, I remember, I remember being with you, checking in to do shows, I think in AC or somewhere, and we're going, we'll give you the cash. Like, I'll give you $200 cash to hold.

• 30:06H. Foley?

  I didn't have a credit card or a bank card at the time.

• 30:09Speaker 02

  We had one be- you had one, but the reservation was in my name and it was your car. I mean, we were, we were traveling like terrorists, dude. We were traveling like Al Qaeda. It was fucking bad. Fucking a bunch of box cutters on us.

• 30:23H. Foley?

  Fucking strip clubs and flying lessons. So we do it, dog.

• 30:28Speaker 02

  Dude, we were fucking.

• 30:30H. Foley?

  Fucking, six of us in an extended stay, two bedroom. Fucking.

• 30:37H. Foley?

  Doing key bumps at the fucking club, flying Cessnas around.

• 30:41Speaker 02

  Ah, man.

• 30:41H. Foley?

  Yeah, no shit. No shit.

• 30:44Speaker 02

  Talk about, it's crazy we didn't end up on a watch list for moving like we were moving. Prepaid gift cards and shit.

• 30:51H. Foley?

  I saw, I saw a guy do cash for the incidentals.

• 30:53Speaker 02

  I've tried, they never accepted it. And debit, they take more, that's the fucking problem. Credit, let's just say credit's a hundred, debit would be like two, two fifty. So if you go, I got the hundred, they go, cash, we need more cash. I'd go, I'll give you the actual cash.

• 31:11H. Foley?

  Let me ask you this, why do they?

• 31:11Speaker 02

  And they don't take it.

• 31:12H. Foley?

  You got my credit card, or whatever, when you check into a hotel, why do you gotta take that out? You don't gotta take that out, you have my payment information. If the fucking M and M's aren't there in the morning, charge.

• 31:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, but you could cancel it, or it could be like stolen and they could cancel it, you know, I'm, listen, yeah.

• 31:27H. Foley?

  They wanna keep that cash in their pocket, so they can invest it in the market and then give it back to you. That's how they do it.

• 31:35H. Foley?

  That's how the Hilton stay in business.

• 31:36Speaker 02

  Sure. Trading yen and shit overnight while I'm, so I'm counting fucking sheep, they're fucking, they're playing with currency.

• 31:42H. Foley?

  I fuck all that shit up now, anyway.

• 31:45Speaker 02

  What?

• 31:45H. Foley?

  Take the fifty bucks, I'm gonna crush everything in there. We all do. Fucking almonds, beef jerky, M and M's, gummies. Yeah, get the fuck outta here.

• 31:54Speaker 02

  That's how they get ya, people be fucking.

• 31:56H. Foley?

  I want them to get me.

• 31:57Speaker 02

  No, people are putting their fingers in there and shit.

• 31:58H. Foley?

  Nobody's putting their fingers in there.

• 31:59Speaker 02

  They got the snack bar downstairs, that's where I get my snacks.

• 32:02H. Foley?

  Yeah, you're paying retail, like a dickhead.

• 32:04Speaker 02

  You're paying more than retail.

• 32:05H. Foley?

  Yeah, they got the good fucking gummy bears. I'm not getting a Haribo, I'm getting the nice fucking, you know, the nice ones.

• 32:10Speaker 02

  You're a hoity-toity, you're making up the lost time.

• 32:13H. Foley?

  Yeah, that's right.

• 32:14Speaker 02

  Sure. Um.

• 32:16H. Foley?

  Real crump today.

• 32:17Speaker 02

  What?

• 32:18H. Foley?

  Bit of a diva.

• 32:19Speaker 02

  Who, him? Yeah, what the fuck? Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Fucking guy.

• 32:27H. Foley?

  Dude, high school boyfriend paying for the family. You know, next weekend when I come over.

• 32:33Speaker 02

  You are wearing the pants.

• 32:35H. Foley?

  We're gonna stay in the same bed, is that alright? Just in there.

• 32:38Speaker 02

  Hey, from now on, when I stay, as the boyfriend going, from now on, when I stay over, you guys sleep in her room, we want the master suite. I want your bed, dad. Take this broad to friggin', eh...

• 32:51H. Foley?

  I know where you're going.

• 32:53Speaker 02

  Uh, that's crazy, dude, you've lost all... You, as a dad, you cannot bounce back from that.

• 33:00H. Foley?

  Tight unit, maybe. It's a special situation.

• 33:04Speaker 02

  I wa- I, well, I mean, I would never feel... Okay.

• 33:09H. Foley?

  That's Disney World, too. Who the fuck is this kid with that kinda cash? To send a fucking family of four into Disney World?

• 33:15Speaker 02

  I don't know if it was Disney, it said the theme park.

• 33:17H. Foley?

  I want this. It's got Busch Gardens or no other.

• 33:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, he would've said Epcot or something, he would've face thrown that.

• 33:22H. Foley?

  This is a bit of a, this is a bit of a side, uh, sidebar.

• 33:27Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 33:28H. Foley?

  Were you big on that? Were you, were you big on, uh, in high school, having sex in your parents' bed?

• 33:34Speaker 02

  It might, no.

• 33:36H. Foley?

  Luke? No. Huh.

• 33:38Speaker 02

  Okay, bit of a freak, moving on.

• 33:41H. Foley?

  There's always the move.

• 33:42Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 33:43H. Foley?

  Like, if my parents were out of town and they stayed over, hey, stay in the, in there, do it in there. Is that weird?

• 33:50Speaker 02

  Uh, hey, man, you know.

• 33:53H. Foley?

  It's very like an 80's thing to me.

• 33:56Speaker 02

  They're very 80's, you are a very 80's guy.

• 33:57H. Foley?

  You never had sex in your parents' bed? Never. Really?

• 34:01Speaker 02

  You want to?

• 34:03H. Foley?

  It's probably nice.

• 34:04Speaker 02

  Hey, listen, Jesus Christ, what kinda, what do you, what kinda slop hour are you throwing around here? Is it goddamn family program?

• 34:10H. Foley?

  You better not ever done anything like that in your parents' home, by the way, you fucking heathen. I think you have. Sneak in there. Got your dad's jacket on. Nice Patagonia.

• 34:21Speaker 02

  You're reading the newspaper? Ah, yes.

• 34:26H. Foley?

  I don't know.

• 34:27Speaker 02

  Take you down to filth town.

• 34:31Speaker 02

  Alright, let's see here. Uh, this is from Hulk, $10, uh, Long Island homie. Is it garbage if your grandparents' anniversary, they took you on a cruise? There was 22 of us and they only got four rooms. Long story short, we haven't spoken to half the family in 10 years since that trip.

• 34:48H. Foley?

  What the fuck, man?

• 34:49Speaker 02

  Those cruise rooms are small. We did Burt's Cruise and like, we had a big room. Like, we had like a big...

• 34:55H. Foley?

  22, 4 rooms?

• 34:57Speaker 02

  What's that come out to? 6, 7 people a room?

• 34:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, and they're like, they're built to like, house people, but really max at 4.

• 35:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, dude, they're tight. There's not a lot of like, activity room.

• 35:09H. Foley?

  They were below the waterline for sure.

• 35:11Speaker 02

  Oh, that would scare the bejesus out of me.

• 35:13H. Foley?

  Down there with the Italians, like on a Titanic.

• 35:15Speaker 02

  Wake up an octopus looking at you, do a porthole?

• 35:17H. Foley?

  Fucking singing around a barrel.

• 35:19Speaker 02

  Uh...

• 35:19H. Foley?

  Get out of here.

• 35:20Speaker 02

  Nah, that's, um...

• 35:22H. Foley?

  It's like being in the Navy.

• 35:24Speaker 02

  They have fucking triple stack bunks and shit? No way, dude. Talk about hot bunking.

• 35:29H. Foley?

  See? That's also too, with the friends going on vacation, that's how fucking friendships break up. Dude, shit like that. All of a sudden, you don't talk to nobody anymore.

• 35:39Speaker 02

  Till you're getting out ahead of it.

• 35:40H. Foley?

  Getting out ahead of it.

• 35:41Speaker 02

  That's what you do. Uh... Yeah, that's crazy. I mean, that many people, you're asking for it. Listen, if the big trip, if the grandparents are paying for 22 people to go, and you get damn well the grandparents weren't fucking sharing a room. So that's 22 people in 3 rooms. That's 20 people in 3 rooms.

• 36:01H. Foley?

  You think?

• 36:02Speaker 02

  I mean, who do I... It's their anniversary.

• 36:05H. Foley?

  Say no more.

• 36:07Speaker 02

  You should've, that shouldn't be the trip. It shouldn't be the trip.

• 36:10H. Foley?

  Just go out to eat, man.

• 36:11Speaker 02

  Twenty-two people on a cruise, that's like twenty grand. That's a lot of fucking cash.

• 36:16H. Foley?

  Lot of cash.

• 36:17Speaker 02

  Go get a house in fucking, you know, Tampa for the week. And just fucking go post up.

• 36:22H. Foley?

  Get some seafood.

• 36:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, something. Let them run, you run around, but dude, that's, that's how that shit ends up bad. And I've learned enough from like, not talking to family members, fighting, traveling, this and that, and all this kinda shit. It's like, that's just bad news.

• 36:37H. Foley?

  Bad news.

• 36:37Speaker 02

  Bad, I know we go to, I go away with my family, once a year now. My mom, my brother, his family, my sister, her family, me and my wife, and now my family.

• 36:48H. Foley?

  Always ends up in a catfight too, I hear you bitching.

• 36:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, we just go like, I just go, yo, I, they go for a week, or whatever, five days. I go, we're coming in for three days. Two nights. I'm in, I'm out. You stay in there, you get hectic. This one's drinking too much, I'm drinking too much, I'm dipping away to catch a eater. They're getting mad, they're getting mad. Who wants dinner? They want meatballs, I want fucking pizza. Oh, it's a lot. Too many people to make a decis-, twenty-two people's too many people to make a decision.

• 37:18H. Foley?

  Familiarity breeds contempt. A wise man once said.

• 37:21Speaker 02

  Who?

• 37:22H. Foley?

  My dad's buddy Mac. He's a teacher.

• 37:26Speaker 02

  My dad's buddy Lugnut, smart guy.

• 37:28H. Foley?

  Hell of a softball player, too.

• 37:30Speaker 02

  Yeah. Um, alright, let's see here. Um, this one's from Malcolm. Five dollars, son of a logger, uh, never had one read. A little bit of a story time. "We were poor as hell in northern Maine, so we didn't vacation much. One year, we were able to get my dad's boss to let us use his camp on a lake for a week. It was really remote and had zero amenities. The bathroom facilities were an outhouse. This was not a retreat by any stretch. About three days in, my aunt drove all the way out to tell us that our electricity had been shut off due to lack of payment. So we had to bag the rest of the vacation to get home and try to save as much food in the freezer as we could. What? We left our vacation of no amenities to go back to our home with no amenities.

• 38:15Speaker 02

  See you bozos in Burlington in October." That sucks.

• 38:20Speaker 02

  Cause at least when you're on vacation, you're like, I just want to get home and be in my bed.

• 38:25H. Foley?

  The ant could have shut the fuck up and let you enjoy the vacation.

• 38:28Speaker 02

  The food's going bad.

• 38:29H. Foley?

  Alright.

• 38:30Speaker 02

  You need to, listen, if you're making that trip back, you, I'm not here to throw shade at the economic situation. They need that grub. That could be, that could be the food for the winter.

• 38:40H. Foley?

  Why didn't she take it over to her place? Put it in her fucking freezer. Let them enjoy their vacation.

• 38:43Speaker 02

  It sounds like they were all living together, if you're catching my, how the fuck would the, how the fuck would the, the, the ant know that electricity got shut off? She ain't in the fucking house with her curling iron. You know what I mean?

• 38:55H. Foley?

  Sherbert's all melted.

• 38:56Speaker 02

  Dude, electricity getting shut off is jammed the fuck up.

• 38:59H. Foley?

  I was real close a month ago.

• 39:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, but in New York, they don't, I mean, like, I've gone, you can go like 10 months without it. They do, they gotta come, they gotta do like a wellness check. They can't shut that, people die. It'll fucking freeze you out.

• 39:11H. Foley?

  Dump some flies on me?

• 39:15Speaker 02

  That sucks, dude.

• 39:15H. Foley?

  That sucks.

• 39:16Speaker 02

  It's like, dude, driving, dude, driving home to a house with no pa, you know they got home at night too. That sucks.

• 39:21H. Foley?

  Oh, for sure.

• 39:23Speaker 02

  Worried about a fucking monster under the bed? The fuck that, dude? Fuck that. Getting home from vacation at nighttime.

• 39:30H. Foley?

  Woo wee!

• 39:32Speaker 02

  Driving home from the shore, hot as shit in that fucking Ford Taurus, no AC, me and Danny fighting. All the pull up in the fucking driveway.

• 39:41H. Foley?

  Little sunburn.

• 39:42Speaker 02

  Pitch black. Fucking no food in the crib. Fucking sucked. Whatever we brought back from the shore, half a bag of Goldfish, that didn't make it best Farley's. Fuck that.

• 39:52H. Foley?

  Like five craft singles. Kit, what do you know about Brunt?

• 39:55Speaker 02

  I know a lot about Brunt. Why don't you tell the good folks at home about Brunt?

• 39:58H. Foley?

  Well, we've been talking about Brunt, gang. A lot of times when you're on, when you're, you know, you're on the job site or whatever, when you, when you, when you're a working man, you either gotta, either sacrifice comfort or durability.

• 40:07Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 40:08H. Foley?

  Right? You want to be comfortable.

• 40:09Speaker 02

  You look like a bozo.

• 40:10H. Foley?

  They're not gonna be that durable. Okay? If you're gonna be durable, they're not gonna be that comfortable. Brunt has fused the two together. The most comfortable, durable work boots that you're ever gonna put on, you'll be, you'll be walking on clouds at the job site. So do yourself a favor, get over to Brunt.

• 40:25Speaker 02

  And listen, you'll be turning some heads over there at the roach coach. Everybody go, oh, look at the new boots on, look at the new boots on Henry.

• 40:31H. Foley?

  Chili dog never looked so good.

• 40:33Speaker 02

  Why don't you, why don't you bring them boots on over my way? You know what I mean? That kind of stuff.

• 40:36H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 40:37Speaker 02

  Start getting cat called from a couple of the construction workers. Uh... Listen, I've worked some manual labor in my day and I always looked and felt like a bozo. I was always underprepared. I had a bad pair, bad pair of boots that were too, I was using my brother's old boots. These boots, the boots were wet, they were dry. The toes are freezing. It's, you're just, listen, do it right. Brunt isn't just work boots though. They offer a full range of high-performance gear built for tough jobs. From heavy-duty work pants to weather-resistant jackets, Brunt designs durable, reliable workwear to keep you protected and productive in any condition. We got a lot of blue collar workers out there. Get some Brunt and show up proper. Brunt was tired of workwear brands that were out there cutting corners. You work too hard to be stuck in uncomfortable boots that don't hold up. So they built something better. Boots

• 41:19Speaker 02

  are insanely comfortable and built for any job site. For a limited time, our listeners get $10 off at Brunt when you use the code GARBAGE at checkout. Just head to bruntworkwear.com, use the code GARBAGE and you're good to go. And after you order, they ask where you heard about Brunt, do us a favor and tell the boys sent you. We love you. The boys sent you.

• 41:35H. Foley?

  Yeah, but let's talk about Acorns.

• 41:36Speaker 02

  Shout out to OG Acorns.

• 41:38H. Foley?

  Can I say something? Can I be honest here? This isn't coffee. This isn't anything. I started doing Acorns, kind of forgot about it.

• 41:47Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 41:47H. Foley?

  And I went and took a peek. I thought I had like a couple hundred bucks in there. I had like two or three grand in there.

• 41:53Speaker 02

  Woo!

• 41:54H. Foley?

  I wouldn't have been able to save, listen, I can't save anything.

• 41:58Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 41:58H. Foley?

  I am horrible with money. Acorns is the only thing that I've ever come across where I've been able to save money. And there's your ad right there.

• 42:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:08H. Foley?

  That's straight talk.

• 42:09Speaker 02

  Acorns is a financial wellness app that helps you invest for your future, save for tomorrow, and spend smarter today. Listen, one of the main features of the app is you can set like, hey, if you spend $5.50 on your debit card, it'll put, it'll round it up and put that 50 cents into an account for you. So, or you can do, hey, I want to put a certain amount a day, a week, a month, or even your year, whatever you got. It makes it easy to start. And listen, I've been doing it for three years. It has been the only way I've been able to squirrel away money is this way.

• 42:35H. Foley?

  It's crazy, man. I laughed at you.

• 42:37Speaker 02

  You did. You laughed. I mean, it's literally been the only way I have saved. More of the small penis thing, but not the Acorns. Sure, okay. Thank you. You don't need to be a financial whiz. Acorns puts your money in export-built portfolio to make sure you're investing wisely, not wildly. Acorns even has a checking account that automatically invests you in your emergency fund that grows your money. It's all easy, it's all in one easy to use app. Sign up now and Acorns will boost your new account with $5 bonus investment. Join over the 14 million all-time customers who have already saved and invested over $25 billion with Acorns. Head to acorns.com/garbage or download the Acorns app to get started today. This is paid non-client endorsement. Compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns. Tier 2 compensation provided. Investing involves risk. Acorn Advisors LLC, an SEC registered

• 43:21Speaker 02

  investment advisor. View important disclosures at acorns.com/garbage.

• 43:26H. Foley?

  We love Acorns.

• 43:27Speaker 02

  That was always sick too, though. Driving down, if you were in like an SUV, if you had access to the trunk, tearing through the food that Denise was bringing down.

• 43:37H. Foley?

  Oh, yeah.

• 43:38Speaker 02

  I remember one time, in that Taurus, we used to pop down the seat. That was the big feature of that Taurus. You could pop down the seat-

• 43:45H. Foley?

  Talk about amenities.

• 43:46Speaker 02

  And get into the trunk. And Danny would pop it down, and I was small enough to crawl back in there and start rooting through, looking, looking for the goldfish.

• 43:56H. Foley?

  Well, recu-

• 43:57Speaker 02

  Dude, God, come out. We'd be making cheese sandwiches and shit. I'd get the lunch meat and Yama Rosso rolls. We'd be making sandwiches like fucking 15 minutes-

• 44:05H. Foley?

  Salt, pepper, ketchup?

• 44:06Speaker 02

  15 minutes from the house.

• 44:07H. Foley?

  And they're doing it the Aki way. Hooking it up. That's brutal, man. Can't wait to fucking see you in Vermont.

• 44:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, shout out to Vermont. Shout out to-

• 44:14H. Foley?

  Give you a fucking big hug.

• 44:15Speaker 02

  The Back on the Block Tour, baby. Tickets on sale now. Coming up. It's about a month away that starts.

• 44:21H. Foley?

  I can't wait. I gotta get the fuck out of here.

• 44:23Speaker 02

  Oh, we ain't gonna be on the west coast. We'll be in fucking LA.

• 44:27H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 44:28Speaker 02

  SF.

• 44:29H. Foley?

  I need it.

• 44:30Speaker 02

  We got a night in SF, too.

• 44:31H. Foley?

  Cannot wait to see you, folks.

• 44:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:33H. Foley?

  I gotta get out of here.

• 44:35Speaker 02

  Close it in on me.

• 44:37H. Foley?

  Goddamn coast, going up to the coast!

• 44:41Speaker 02

  I just said that.

• 44:42H. Foley?

  Go out to the coast for a couple of weeks and relax.

• 44:44Speaker 02

  Couple of weeks? Can't go a couple. We got a goddamn kid now.

• 44:47H. Foley?

  I thought we'd be out there for a couple of weeks.

• 44:48Speaker 02

  No.

• 44:49H. Foley?

  A week.

• 44:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:51H. Foley?

  I thought we were gonna be in LA for like a week.

• 44:52Speaker 02

  No.

• 44:53H. Foley?

  Couple of days?

• 44:54Speaker 02

  Couple of days.

• 44:55H. Foley?

  Can I get one of them sandwiches?

• 44:56Speaker 02

  Listen-

• 44:58Speaker 02

  What sandwiches?

• 44:59Speaker 03

  Which one?

• 45:00H. Foley?

  Dialogue.

• 45:01Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah. That's on auto delivery every morning.

• 45:06H. Foley?

  I like to sleep in.

• 45:06Speaker 02

  We're staying at a little, we're staying at a entourage house, too. This place is fucking sick. This place is, is like, I'm such a dirtbag when I saw it, I'm like, I gotta be there. It's got a pool house?

• 45:23H. Foley?

  It's a pool house.

• 45:25Speaker 02

  I don't know how to answer that.

• 45:26H. Foley?

  In the back.

• 45:26Speaker 02

  It's a house under the water in the pool. What do you mean, what's a pool house?

• 45:30H. Foley?

  Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't get to go to the Poconos every year. I don't know what a pool house is.

• 45:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, you do.

• 45:36H. Foley?

  I'm just a simple man who stands outside a restaurant to watch as my friend eat. I wasn't thinking pool house. I thought I'd been to the pool inside.

• 45:43Speaker 02

  What?

• 45:44H. Foley?

  I don't know.

• 45:45Speaker 02

  You hear pool house and you think indoor pool?

• 45:47H. Foley?

  Yeah, dude.

• 45:47Speaker 02

  Who speaks like that?

• 45:50Speaker 02

  What are you, English is a second language? Ah, pool house must mean house in a pool. What is your native language, by the way? Because I gotta be honest with you.

• 46:00Speaker 02

  Your verbal ain't great.

• 46:03Speaker 02

  What do you guys speak on your native planet?

• 46:05H. Foley?

  Cheeseburger.

• 46:07Speaker 02

  Cheeseburger, cheeseburger. Um, alright, let's see here. This one's from Scooter McGurby's. Uh, it's a good name. First time asker, long time garbage, $10, uh, homie. I brought my girlfriend on a family vacation to Las Vegas while we were in high school. While there, she broke up with me to stay in Vegas and make it big as a stripper. What? She wasn't stripper hot, dick. And she had to move back home less than a year later. Extra garbage, I was 16 and she was 23. I can't even wrap my fucking head around that.

• 46:40H. Foley?

  Good for you. I can. Now we're talking about my kind of vacation.

• 46:43Speaker 02

  You've never done that. You want to do it? Now you're talking about your fantasies.

• 46:48H. Foley?

  Stay the stripper?

• 46:49Speaker 02

  Now we're talking about my, like, we've entered your realm of shit you've never done.

• 46:56H. Foley?

  You liked the pool house comment, didn't you?

• 46:58Speaker 02

  I did not.

• 47:00H. Foley?

  Okay, lot to unpack here. First of all, you're 16, she's 23.

• 47:04Speaker 02

  Your parents shouldn't be allowing, listen, as cool as that sounds.

• 47:07H. Foley?

  Ah, don't listen to Kippy.

• 47:09Speaker 02

  They shouldn't be bringing her on vacation.

• 47:12H. Foley?

  Why not? That's a dream vacation until she fucking ran off. And she didn't just fucking run off.

• 47:16Speaker 02

  Dude, what parent of a 16-year-old is going, first of all, that parent's about 34.

• 47:23H. Foley?

  I don't know, what kind of parent lets their obese son crawl into the trunk and make sandwiches?

• 47:27Speaker 02

  I don't know why you got it out for me today.

• 47:30Speaker 03

  You're gonna be an accessory to a felony if you're like-

• 47:33H. Foley?

  That's probably in the 90s!

• 47:34Speaker 02

  That's what they got Diddy for, that's state line shit!

• 47:37H. Foley?

  Probably in the 90s!

• 47:38Speaker 02

  Nah, that's trafficking.

• 47:39H. Foley?

  No.

• 47:40Speaker 02

  What do you mean "no"? Stop saying, just cause you say "no" doesn't make it not true. Stop saying that. You do that all the time. "Nah, okay."

• 47:48H. Foley?

  I guarantee it was in the 90s or something like that.

• 47:50Speaker 02

  I'm not saying it wasn't. It's still illegal.

• 47:54H. Foley?

  Dating a hot 23-year-old? Stop cock-blocking him.

• 47:58Speaker 03

  Eat your goldfish.

• 47:59Speaker 02

  I'm not cock-blocking him. I'm saying that's fucked, that, that-

• 48:02H. Foley?

  Well, you're saying it's irresponsible to parents.

• 48:05Speaker 02

  Not even irresponsible. Borderline creepy. That's insane. Fuck illegal, that's just like, "Oh hey, grown woman who has a job."

• 48:14H. Foley?

  Stripping.

• 48:15Speaker 02

  Stripping. Bit of a dancer.

• 48:19Speaker 02

  Alright, listen, I get her. Let's remove her. She's 23, she ends up in Vegas for the weekend on someone else's dime, or is that broad paying?

• 48:27H. Foley?

  I don't know.

• 48:28Speaker 02

  You can't take, you can't make your high school girlfriends pay to go to, this is a, they were, that was all-

• 48:32H. Foley?

  High school boyfriend.

• 48:33Speaker 02

  That's all strip shit, for sure.

• 48:36H. Foley?

  A lot to unpack here.

• 48:38Speaker 02

  Listen-

• 48:38H. Foley?

  Shout out to you for being able to clo- listen, when he says "she wasn't stripper hot", I'm leaning that she probably was stripper hot or close to stripper hot. That's just hurt feelings, which I respect.

• 48:51Speaker 02

  You think this guy's still harboring resentment that much later?

• 48:54H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 48:54Speaker 02

  He's not 17.

• 48:55H. Foley?

  I would.

• 48:56Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 48:58H. Foley?

  That's hot.

• 49:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, I get all that. I guess I'm looking at it a little differently-

• 49:04H. Foley?

  It's fucked up, she definitely wouldn't-

• 49:05Speaker 02

  Than a creepy 50-year-old going, "That's hot." "Oh man, dude's having sex with a stripper? That's hot." "That's hot stuff, dude." "Cool, bro."

• 49:15H. Foley?

  I'm giving the guy props!

• 49:18H. Foley?

  Till he blew it.

• 49:20Speaker 02

  Fucking loser. Can't keep a broad, can't keep a broad like that.

• 49:24H. Foley?

  Nah, you wouldn't get a wild horse. You wouldn't be able to tame that. She had lessons to learn on her own.

• 49:29Speaker 02

  Parents, big, I mean, that's a fucking, that's a wild, let me, I don't want to judge. That's a wild decision. Crazy decision. I'll give you 19, because maybe they were in high school to set, where'd he meet this broad?

• 49:43H. Foley?

  They probably a closer. 16 banging a 23 year old stripper.

• 49:47Speaker 02

  I get that.

• 49:48H. Foley?

  This guy's alright.

• 49:48Speaker 02

  I get that, but where are they interacting enough? To, that you can close? At what point is this, I mean, maybe at work, if he's working, if he's a busboy, and she's like a waitress? But then who's going?

• 50:03Speaker 02

  Who the, that's crazy to me.

• 50:04H. Foley?

  I need a follow up to this.

• 50:05Speaker 02

  I mean, if, listen, if you knock boots at, at work.

• 50:08H. Foley?

  Hit my DMs, my DMs, send a pic and see what's going on.

• 50:12Speaker 02

  Of both of you.

• 50:13H. Foley?

  Sure. You never had that friend and like, I, I, not loose affiliates, that were those guys in like 8th grade that were dating like 17 year olds?

• 50:24Speaker 02

  That's significantly different. That's what I'm trying to say, and you're not letting, you're not even hearing my point, because you got a fucking half a heart on over this 23 year old stripper.

• 50:32H. Foley?

  I did not.

• 50:33Speaker 02

  Listen, I'm saying, I get that if they're, listen, he's in 9th grade, she's whatever, then goes on and graduates, and it's still like, it's a four, there's at least like they were in the same world. There is, except that it's a restaurant.

• 50:45H. Foley?

  What was he, 15 or 16?

• 50:46Speaker 02

  16.

• 50:47H. Foley?

  23.

• 50:48Speaker 02

  That's, there's no way those people meet ever. In a normal situation. Maybe if she was a bartender and he worked at the, he was a busboy. But then it's like, you just knock boot, like, you start dating a 16.

• 51:01H. Foley?

  People fall in love, man.

• 51:03Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 51:04H. Foley?

  That's a heartbreaker.

• 51:05Speaker 02

  Um.

• 51:05H. Foley?

  She left. Didn't come back with us?

• 51:09Speaker 02

  She ain't got enough of her gear. What, she just gonna buy everything? Or she sent back?

• 51:13H. Foley?

  She knew what she was doing. She probably used him as a ticket out to Vegas. I ain't going home with you, Dale.

• 51:20Speaker 02

  Sure, that's not bad. I get that, maybe. Um, damn.

• 51:24H. Foley?

  She came crawling back a year later.

• 51:26Speaker 02

  Didn't say to him, she just went back to the town. But she got retired at some point, maybe she went out on top, this guy don't fucking know.

• 51:32H. Foley?

  True.

• 51:33Speaker 02

  Maybe she made a bag, came home.

• 51:34H. Foley?

  Hit me up!

• 51:35Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 51:36H. Foley?

  I want to hear the rest of this.

• 51:40Speaker 02

  Uh, this is, alright, this is from, uh, Ham Lincoln. Uh, "First time, long time. During my 6th grade summer, 2004 to 2005, we went to visit my mom's boyfriend's parents in Florida for the first time." That's not a good start to the story. "Visit my mom's boyfriend's parents for the first time."

• 52:00H. Foley?

  They had to suck.

• 52:02Speaker 02

  That's like, I've done that. On multiple, I've done it with my stepmoms, who at the time was my dad's girlfriend's parents, and then my stepdad, who was my mom's boyfriend's parents. And when, as that kid, getting integrated into that family, it's, uh, they're not, you're, you know it's weird, they're trying too hard, it's, it's very unnatural.

• 52:25H. Foley?

  God love ya.

• 52:26Speaker 02

  It's very unnatural.

• 52:27H. Foley?

  Was she the same age as your dad?

• 52:29Speaker 02

  No, she was younger.

• 52:30H. Foley?

  Like, not 20, like 10 years?

• 52:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, not, not, nothing like crazy.

• 52:35H. Foley?

  Were her parents old? Were they old people?

• 52:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:38H. Foley?

  Was it the-

• 52:38Speaker 02

  They were like grandf- they were like grandparents.

• 52:40H. Foley?

  Was it the house that she grew up in, or was it like their Florida house or something? Like their condo, like their retirement house?

• 52:46Speaker 02

  No, it wasn't the house they grew up in, no.

• 52:48H. Foley?

  That she grew up in?

• 52:49Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no, no.

• 52:50H. Foley?

  Yeah, that's even worse, cuz those places are cold.

• 52:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was like, it was, it was a house where like, old people lived.

• 52:54H. Foley?

  Man, I know that guest bedroom, with that bed, that sucks.

• 53:00Speaker 02

  I never, we never stayed there.

• 53:01H. Foley?

  Oh, thank, I thought you went down there and stayed.

• 53:03Speaker 02

  No, they were local. No, yeah, no, they were local.

• 53:06H. Foley?

  Oh, they were, oh, I thought you said Florida, you went down to Florida.

• 53:10Speaker 02

  They, he went down to Florida.

• 53:11H. Foley?

  Oh.

• 53:11Speaker 02

  I'm saying, I've had to do that to go into that setting, not necessarily in Florida.

• 53:15H. Foley?

  Staying there's a whole different thing, that sucks.

• 53:17Speaker 02

  I'm ju- I get ya, I'm just saying, to go into that situation is like,

• 53:22H. Foley?

  Brutal.

• 53:22Speaker 02

  It just sucks, anywhere. You're, you're on the outside, they're like, trying too hard, "Hey", cuz they're like, "We gotta make you feel welcome."

• 53:31H. Foley?

  You know my grandfather?

• 53:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're just like, "Buddy", and they're like, showing, "Hey, I got your nose", and you're like, "Dude, where are the heaters at? Let me fucking duck outta here."

• 53:40H. Foley?

  You guys got Coke or Pepsi?

• 53:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, you got any 23-year-old strippers laying around? I'm fucking bored. Um, alright, so-

• 53:46H. Foley?

  God, man, that sucks.

• 53:48Speaker 02

  Uh, we went to Florida for the first time. He made it sound like they were close to the beach, but in reality, they were in Crumacoochie. Find out where Crumacoochie is. C-R-O-O-M-a-coochie. Which might as well been the butt crack of Florida. When we pulled into their trailer park, oh. There were three kids riding a pig down the street, which the street was completely sand. God damn dude. This sucks. The first thing his father told us was, "Don't go past that tree line in the back. There's a lake back there with some big ass gators in it." Man, that's like taking you to hell dude. I stayed inside the entire time trying to find something to watch on the TV, which involved using a knob that would change the direction of the antenna on the roof to get different channels.

• 54:32Speaker 02

  That old broad can make one hell of a milkshake though. Shout out to that. I mean dude.

• 54:38H. Foley?

  Dude, I was not expecting these to be this bad. They're fucking awesome.

• 54:41Speaker 02

  That's like, that's... The parents don't understand that kind of... And I don't want to say I'm trauma, trauma's corny, but like... The impact that trip has.

• 54:51H. Foley?

  Of divorce.

• 54:52Speaker 02

  Of, yes, of just like... This kid's gotta go stay in a trailer with some fucking kids from the wrong side of the fucking tra... Riding a pig.

• 55:00H. Foley?

  You gotta go make this work.

• 55:02Speaker 02

  And the kid's like, that kid don't have a choice. He's try... He's... That sucks. That's tough.

• 55:09H. Foley?

  Sucks.

• 55:10Speaker 02

  That's tough.

• 55:11H. Foley?

  A milkshake though.

• 55:12Speaker 02

  He's making the best of it.

• 55:14Speaker 03

  You're basically in the middle of Florida. You're an hour from the beach.

• 55:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, and Florida, I'm on the road in six years, yeah.

• 55:23H. Foley?

  That's the, see, okay, so it's his mom, that's the boyfriend, like, "Yeah buddy, it's right by the beach, you're gonna love it." Fucking riding a pig? Getting bit by a gator?

• 55:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, cuz he's telling you... He's telling it, he's telling you the story with fucking rose colored glasses on, trying to make, "Yeah, you're gonna have fun, there's a pig," you know, whatever.

• 55:40H. Foley?

  Trying to close on his mom.

• 55:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, man, I fucking... I do have that, they told me we were going down the shore and they took us to that fucking, that trailer park off Route 9. Whipper Whirl. Motherfucker.

• 55:51H. Foley?

  Just chose?

• 55:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, talk about getting banned the fuck boozled. We're going down to my dad's place, great.

• 55:58Speaker 02

  Cause no one ever said we were going down the shore then we ended up offshore to fucking trailer. And that sand, the fucking those prickers in it, no way.

• 56:07H. Foley?

  Like some inlet?

• 56:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, you gotta wear shoes in sand. That boggled my mind.

• 56:12H. Foley?

  Wait, was it the beach?

• 56:13Speaker 02

  No, it was like the Pine Barrens, but that's all sand back there.

• 56:18H. Foley?

  Like, there's no water?

• 56:20Speaker 02

  No. You're in a trailer park off Route 9, like out by the Acme. You're like by a shopping center.

• 56:27H. Foley?

  Yeah, bad sand is tough.

• 56:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, and it had those like, we called them like, like the little balls with the thorns.

• 56:34H. Foley?

  I know what you're talking about. Stick to your jeans.

• 56:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, and it was like pine needles, it was all like, you couldn't walk in the sand, you had to wear shoes. And I remember like lugging through the sand being like, this fucking sucked. Mom was alive, I was on crutches too. Lying ass bitch. Fucking get me down there, take me to sand with no goddamn motion. Man.

• 56:55Speaker 02

  And I remember my mom being like, this was less than ideal.

• 56:59H. Foley?

  She said that?

• 57:00Speaker 02

  I remember just the vibes of me, it was a camper, it wasn't a trailer. Like trailers have rooms, this was a camper. With no bedroom. I slept on like the kitchen table that folded into the, that like pushed down into the, and it was an old camp, it was from like the 60s. And this is in the, this is probably, I can tell you exactly what year it was. This was like 93, 94.

• 57:23H. Foley?

  You gotta go back and tell your boys where you were.

• 57:25Speaker 02

  Yeah. That's pretty cool. Yeah, I'm lying. There's chicks there, you know what I mean? I'm going down the shore! Everybody can suck my dick, I'm going down the shore.

• 57:33H. Foley?

  You know what, your feet look like Jesus's forehead.

• 57:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, fucking crown of thorns. Fucked up.

• 57:39H. Foley?

  Man.

• 57:40Speaker 02

  Got me twisted.

• 57:42H. Foley?

  Bad vacations. As a kid, they were so, it was so weird, you know?

• 57:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:50H. Foley?

  Shit like that.

• 57:51Speaker 02

  But dude, the going to meet the divorced family, that's like such a fucking...

• 57:57H. Foley?

  I can't imagine.

• 57:57Speaker 02

  No one, no one's natural, it's such an unnatural thing. You know what I mean?

• 58:01H. Foley?

  Why involve the kids in that?

• 58:03Speaker 02

  You gotta acclimate to it.

• 58:05H. Foley?

  Did you ever see her parents again?

• 58:07Speaker 02

  Oh yeah, they would come over, I mean every time, you know. They're great and they were nice and super nice and super, but it's just like...

• 58:13H. Foley?

  They ever break you off anything?

• 58:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, a little bit, you know, five bucks a year.

• 58:17H. Foley?

  She'd do anything in the kitchen? That you remember?

• 58:20Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no, no.

• 58:21H. Foley?

  No. What was like the ice cream bar situation in their fridge when it went over?

• 58:25Speaker 02

  Oh, I have no, no.

• 58:27H. Foley?

  Nothing.

• 58:28Speaker 02

  I was blocking it out.

• 58:29H. Foley?

  You gotta, okay, then you block it out.

• 58:32Speaker 02

  It was also like, oh, we're going, we're, I'm making this up, I don't really remember all the instances of going, but it was like, oh, we're stopping for Christmas. Or even they're coming over, but it's another set of grandparents that you met when you were 10. You're like, I don't fucking know these people. They're nice people, good guy. I'll fucking, you know, I'll sit down and have a hot dog with them at 4th of July, but like,

• 58:51Speaker 02

  I gotta exchange presents and so, oh, oh, oh, oh, fucking shake your hand and shit like that. Thank you. This sucks.

• 58:59H. Foley?

  Oh, man.

• 59:01Speaker 02

  It's a new set of grandparents.

• 59:03H. Foley?

  That sucks.

• 59:03Speaker 02

  That you gotta be like, yeah, and they're trying, everyone's nice, they're trying, it's just so.

• 59:08H. Foley?

  They don't like you.

• 59:09Speaker 02

  It's like, you know, so square pegging around, yeah, and I'm just this fat guy, like, eating all the candy and stuff. Tough.

• 59:19H. Foley?

  He's eating all my tums.

• 59:23Speaker 02

  He drank all the Pepto.

• 59:30H. Foley?

  Those are my calcium chews. Shabby.

• 59:35H. Foley?

  Oh, man. That's a tough one. God love you.

• 59:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:39H. Foley?

  Those kids probably weren't nice either, the ones riding the pigs. They tend not to be.

• 59:44Speaker 02

  One of them had overalls on for sure. That's what, yeah, that's just like, I think you leave the kid out of that.

• 59:51H. Foley?

  Leave the kid out of that.

• 59:53Speaker 02

  You know, I don't know. I'll let you know how it works out for me when we, uh.

• 59:59H. Foley?

  Split up?

• 1:00:00Speaker 02

  Yeah. I'm a single father. Um, all right, let's see here. This is, uh, from Cosmic King. $10 cold cash investor, never had one read. My parents thought it would be a good idea to bring me and my four brothers in the car for a drive from New York to Florida to see our grandma. By the time we got to DC, my dad bought plane tickets for each of us as far away as another one as humanly possible on the plane. I get that. I get that. In theory, that makes sense and is fun and you're gonna, but it's like-

• 1:00:31H. Foley?

  That's the most sensible thing I heard all day.

• 1:00:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:00:33H. Foley?

  Shout out to him.

• 1:00:34Speaker 02

  Guys, we're not doing, cutting your losses. We're not fucking doing this.

• 1:00:37H. Foley?

  What do you do with the car?

• 1:00:39Speaker 02

  Drive it into the fucking harbor. Who cares? Or the dad will fucking get a pack of heaters, drive down on his own.

• 1:00:45H. Foley?

  DC? You didn't make it to DC?

• 1:00:48Speaker 02

  DC to New York's six hours? Five, six, you hit traffic?

• 1:00:51H. Foley?

  DC to Florida.

• 1:00:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, that, that, that's the, cut your losses. And then that's on the way there. Not even back.

• 1:00:59H. Foley?

  Shout out to him.

• 1:00:59Speaker 02

  That's fucking brutal, dude.

• 1:01:01H. Foley?

  Nah, fuck this. Let's go. Man. Telling you. Vacations, bad news.

• 1:01:08Speaker 02

  We did say that. We said that previously. It's like you, now that we, we think about it more, it's like there's, especially for a dirtbag family, obviously cash typically isn't, you know, super plentiful. It's not that you're rich and you're, you know-

• 1:01:19H. Foley?

  Distressed, the dysfunction.

• 1:01:20Speaker 02

  Distressed, the dad going, what does fucking cost me? I buy fucking shell out six grand to get everybody there.

• 1:01:26H. Foley?

  Back there arguing in the fucking backseat.

• 1:01:28Speaker 02

  I'm working overtime to fucking swing this. I'm taking all, I'm picking up-

• 1:01:31H. Foley?

  She's bitching at him.

• 1:01:33Speaker 02

  You can't get right. You can't fucking, you just can't do it. It ain't gonna work, baby. It ain't gonna, it's-

• 1:01:41H. Foley?

  If I was my dad, there's like a hundred times I can think back that I would have been like, fuck this. I'm outta here. Just go live on a base somewhere or something. No note, no, just gone.

• 1:01:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:57H. Foley?

  Crazy.

• 1:01:58Speaker 02

  Good days you could do that. Can't do that no more.

• 1:02:00H. Foley?

  Yeah, they get you.

• 1:02:01Speaker 02

  Fucking geo tracker, fucking.

• 1:02:03H. Foley?

  Eighties, you could disappear to another family.

• 1:02:06Speaker 02

  Nineties you could, arguably.

• 1:02:07H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 1:02:09Speaker 02

  Not no more.

• 1:02:10H. Foley?

  Little Springer got you.

• 1:02:11Speaker 02

  Aw, man.

• 1:02:12H. Foley?

  Jerry?

• 1:02:13Speaker 02

  Fucking Mari Povich, fuck your day up.

• 1:02:15H. Foley?

  Fuck.

• 1:02:16Speaker 02

  Alright, we gotta wrap it up.

• 1:02:18H. Foley?

  Gang, we love you to death. Hope you have a great vacation if you're going out. This time of year.

• 1:02:23Speaker 02

  Don't let, well, don't let these, uh, these stories, uh, you know, deter you from having a good time with the family out there.

• 1:02:28H. Foley?

  Of course, build your own traumas, build your own memories. We love you, we'll see you next week. Peace.

• 1:02:34Speaker 04

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