Pod Insights Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast Disney Adults w/ Brendan Sagalow! About this episode Are You Garbage presents stand up comedian and podcast host Brendan Sagalow! You know Brendan Sagalow from stand up comedy, Sagdaddy Da Pod, Legion of Skanks, Whisky Ginger, Soder, Stavvy's World, Tuesdays with Stories, Chrissy Chaos, The Bonfire, KFC Radio, The Adam Friedland Show Podcast, You Know What Dude, The Jim and Sam Show and so much more! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show!
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Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test.
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Transcript 15,738 words · 6 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 H. Foley? New Jersey, Philadelphia, Delaware. You heading down the shore this summer?
0:04 Speaker 01 Eh, yeah.
0:04 H. Foley? Of course you are. July 10th. The boys are gonna be at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino. Come out for a little AYG live.
0:12 Speaker 01 Yes, and before that, we're gonna be in Portland, Maine, at Empire Comedy Club. Tickets going fast. Then we're gonna be in Pittsburgh, uh, at the Pittsburgh Improv. And then Hilarities in Cleveland, Ohio. Get your tickets, areyougarbage.com. Stand-up comedy, play AYG with the crowd, it's a good, good time. We'll see you there.
0:27 H. Foley? Best summer ever.
0:28 Speaker 01 Woo!
0:29 H. Foley? Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?
0:35 Speaker 01 Eh, yeah.
0:36 H. Foley? It's that little show, we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that if they grow up to be classy...
0:40 Speaker 01 Yeah.
0:41 H. Foley? Or they're just a big ol' piece of trash.
0:43 Speaker 01 Trash, trash, trash.
0:43 H. Foley? I'm your host, Sage Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tootie's in the new edition. She just picked up a six-foot tank for the weekend.
0:52 Speaker 01 Of nitrous?
0:53 H. Foley? Woo!
0:53 Speaker 01 Alright.
0:54 H. Foley? She's about to have her wisdom teeth pulled.
0:56 Speaker 01 She'll do it herself.
0:58 H. Foley? My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage. He's a bit of an international businessman, and thank God, my best pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
1:09 Speaker 01 What up, gang? Shout out to you as always. Please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify, and the boys are climbing the friggin' charts, god dang it. And then obviously, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com/areyougarbage. You go over there, you get all that frickin' bonus content, gang, and join the 16,000 people we got going on over there.
1:28 H. Foley? Yes, sir. Shout out to the Army of Garbage and gang. We couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly special guest, finally back with us again today.
1:37 Speaker 01 Uh-huh.
1:37 H. Foley? We've known him since Moses wore short pants.
1:40 Speaker 01 Uh-huh.
1:40 H. Foley? Came up on the goddamn streets together.
1:44 H. Foley? Very funny stand-up comedian, and actor, voice-over actor, podcaster.
1:49 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:49 H. Foley? Freestyle rapper.
1:50 Speaker 01 You better believe it. Written rhyme to recording artist.
1:54 Speaker 02 On Interscope Records.
1:56 H. Foley? You can hear him every week on Sag Daddy the Podcast. Give it up for Mr. Brendan Sagalow.
2:00 Speaker 02 Thank you guys. Thank you guys. And I've got something for you guys. Do you remember when you were first starting this show? And we were both doing a show with the name garbage in it. Remember you hit me up? I had a show called Garbage Days, hugely successful.
2:15 Speaker 02 Another podcast called Garbage Days with Scott Chaplin.
2:18 H. Foley? Yes, yes, yes.
2:19 Speaker 02 And Foley calls me and he goes, hey, man, we're thinking about doing a show called Are You Garbage?
2:24 Speaker 01 Really?
2:24 Speaker 02 You got garbage in the name. Do you mind if we also do that? And I literally, what did I say to you? I go, we're both gonna fail. Who cares? Good luck. Yeah, I was like, alright, good luck.
2:34 H. Foley? But I prefaced it with the fact that we had been, we'd been playing Are You Garbage on the old podcast for like a year.
2:40 Speaker 01 I remember the show. I don't remember this at all.
2:43 H. Foley? That's when I was running the goddamn business. Back in the day on the streets, where you had to use a little muscle.
2:47 Speaker 02 That's right.
2:48 H. Foley? Alright, not your second generation shit. This is me and Sagalow were running molasses out of Canada. We were in pro business.
2:55 H. Foley? You were in fucking, at Princeton.
2:56 Speaker 02 Well, just imagine. Imagine if I said to you like, yeah, I kinda have a problem with that. And you're recalling this show now like, are you, you know, a?
3:05 Speaker 01 We'd have you whacked or something. We weren't, we were asking, we weren't really asking for it.
3:09 H. Foley? Yeah, I was doing it anyway, for sure.
3:11 Speaker 01 You know, it's like when you.
3:12 H. Foley? We got our first podcast, B.
3:14 Speaker 01 We were just checking in, you know what I mean? Like, hey, just letting you know, we're operating in your backyard.
3:18 Speaker 02 Right, right, right, right, right. Well, I'll tell you what, that, you can operate in the backyard all you want, the house is burned down.
3:25 Speaker 02 So, yeah, go, go hang out in the backyard.
3:27 H. Foley? We're also changing Luke's name to Brendan Sagalow, if that's okay. You're cool with that, right?
3:32 Speaker 01 AK Sag Daddy to Brendan.
3:33 Speaker 02 That's alright, that's fine. Take it all.
3:35 H. Foley? Um, we, I mean, we know you're trash.
3:38 Speaker 02 Yeah, of course.
3:39 H. Foley? We're all, we're all.
3:40 Speaker 01 What?
3:42 Speaker 02 I actually think I'm pretty classy.
3:44 Speaker 01 Shout out to the Big Dogs t-shirt, the gold and silver bracelets, and brand new tattoo.
3:49 Speaker 02 It's a free tattoo. This, uh, this guy who came to a show went to my hotel room this weekend and just like did, did a tattoo. Well, I sat.
3:57 Speaker 01 You got that done in the hotel room?
3:58 Speaker 02 I got it done in the hotel.
3:59 H. Foley? That's actually pretty classy.
4:01 Speaker 02 It's pretty punk rock in a way. I felt like Pete Davidson.
4:03 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's pretty, that's pretty rich guy shit. That's famous guy shit.
4:07 H. Foley? When you get your haircut, when you get your haircut done in the green room or something like that.
4:10 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have a haircut guy that comes with me to the Alpharetta Little Room.
4:15 H. Foley? Over in the lab.
4:16 Speaker 02 Over in the lab, the helium lab, in the other room.
4:20 H. Foley? But I imagine this was probably a, uh, hamped in?
4:25 Speaker 01 Yeah, what kind of hotel room was it?
4:26 Speaker 02 Uh, I don't know. They just put me in hotel rooms and I just stay there. I should do, uh...
4:30 Speaker 01 Also another rich guy answer.
4:31 Speaker 02 I know.
4:32 H. Foley? It wasn't a four seasons, was it?
4:34 Speaker 02 No, of course not.
4:34 Speaker 01 It wasn't a one season either.
4:36 Speaker 02 I had, the hotel room had like...
4:38 H. Foley? The window was broke.
4:39 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah.
4:42 Speaker 02 No, it had like, the hotel had like things all over the walls, like right above the bed, it said, "Sleep well," or something like that. It was, it was horrible.
4:49 H. Foley? I think that's a mental institution.
4:53 Speaker 02 Yeah, and they gave me my own jacket.
4:55 Speaker 01 Handcuffed on the radiator?
4:57 Speaker 02 My own Snuggie.
4:58 Speaker 01 What, uh, what town, what city was this in?
5:00 Speaker 02 Alpharetta, Atlanta.
5:01 Speaker 01 Alpharetta?
5:02 Speaker 02 Alpharetta, Georgia. Yeah.
5:04 Speaker 01 What's clubs there?
5:05 Speaker 02 Helium.
5:06 Speaker 01 Oh, the helium's in Alpharetta?
5:07 Speaker 02 The helium is in Alpharetta, yeah.
5:09 H. Foley? Oh, okay. So you're in Atlanta?
5:10 Speaker 02 It's a great club. I was in Atlanta, but yeah, the town is Alpharetta.
5:13 H. Foley? Yeah.
5:14 Speaker 02 But which is like forty minutes outside, whatever, but yeah.
5:16 H. Foley? Alpharetta?
5:17 Speaker 02 Yeah. I mean, it was, it was so boring, dude.
5:19 H. Foley? Sounds like an old black lady.
5:20 Speaker 02 Alpharetta?
5:21 Speaker 01 I talked to Alpharetta.
5:23 Speaker 02 We're gonna cut that out. You know, I, uh, I, as I was saying it, I went, "This is not gonna be good."
5:28 Speaker 01 At first I went, "He's going out on a limb."
5:30 Speaker 02 This is not gonna be good.
5:31 Speaker 01 I semi- tried it, it was like, "I don't think this is gonna be good."
5:34 Speaker 02 No, no, no, yeah, you bailed, you went, "I'm not jumping out of the plane." You go, "Yeah, you went, "I think we're a little too, uh, close to the ground to jump out the plane."
5:40 H. Foley? Sweet, going to Alpharetta? Sagalow came in today, um, and he was singing a, um, a, a police song that I've, that I've been listening to a lot. Yes, loved the video, they're on the train.
5:55 Speaker 02 Oh, I don't know the video at all.
5:56 H. Foley? Great video, great song.
5:57 Speaker 01 That's how he consumes music, is just YouTube videos.
6:00 H. Foley? Yeah, on YouTube. I watch, I watch everything on YouTube.
6:02 Speaker 01 It's wild.
6:03 H. Foley? I listen to and watch it on YouTube.
6:04 Speaker 02 That's how you, well, what about music when you're traveling? You watch it on YouTube while you're traveling? Like in your car or something?
6:10 H. Foley? My car.
6:11 Speaker 01 No, he uses.
6:11 H. Foley? My license is suspended.
6:12 Speaker 02 You have a car?
6:14 H. Foley? I do, but my license is suspended.
6:15 Speaker 02 No.
6:16 H. Foley? In the car, in the car.
6:17 Speaker 02 What? Why?
6:18 H. Foley? I never turned my plates in when I switched over.
6:20 Speaker 01 Long night now for Reddit.
6:22 Speaker 02 You never turn your plates in?
6:23 H. Foley? I didn't turn my plates in when I got a new lease and they suspended my license for, uh, like, uh, almost a year.
6:29 Speaker 02 Jesus Christ.
6:30 H. Foley? Starting in March, but I had it taken care of, so I get it back in June.
6:34 Speaker 02 Okay.
6:35 H. Foley? Back on the streets, riding dirty.
6:37 Speaker 02 Okay.
6:37 H. Foley? But I do use YouTube on that as well.
6:39 Speaker 02 Strange. That's strange.
6:41 H. Foley? I know.
6:42 Speaker 01 Well, you're on a plane next to him, he's looking at videos.
6:44 Speaker 02 Well, what I do is so every year on June 1st, uh, January 1st, sorry.
6:48 H. Foley? Just to be preface this before you, before you get into this.
6:50 Speaker 02 Okay.
6:50 H. Foley? This is the thing. He's singing a Police song, you know? So lonely, great song, whatever.
6:55 Speaker 02 Uh huh.
6:55 H. Foley? He follows it up with a selection, a selection from the Disney animated series, Disney animated cartoon, I guess. Hercules.
7:07 Speaker 02 Yeah, I mean, I'll stand.
7:08 H. Foley? Which is basically a show tune.
7:10 Speaker 02 Uh, yes.
7:12 H. Foley? You have musicals on your playlist.
7:13 Speaker 02 Yeah, of course. I have a playlist called the Masturbation Compilation. I make it in every year and I love, I mean, the Hercules soundtrack is one of the best, uh, soundtracks in the world and I'm looking at your eyes right now. I'm not convincing you, but the, the song is, uh, that, that makes.
7:29 Speaker 01 Also folded real quick.
7:30 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I saw.
7:32 Speaker 01 I can see it in your eyes.
7:33 Speaker 02 I know what I'm teamed up against.
7:34 H. Foley? Do you make, do you make a playlist for the entire year?
7:38 Speaker 02 Yeah, and I just feed songs that I like into it and I just keep listening to it over and over.
7:41 Speaker 01 And then at the end of the year?
7:42 Speaker 02 The first week's pretty rough. I'm just listening to So Lonely for one, for a whole week.
7:46 H. Foley? You don't do it all in one day. Like, you know, on New Year's Day, you don't sit and put like 4,000 songs in a thing.
7:51 Speaker 02 No, no, no, no.
7:52 Speaker 01 Then do you shelf that at the end of the year?
7:54 Speaker 02 Yeah, I, I'll listen to it again, but, um, I usually.
7:57 Speaker 01 You start fresh.
7:58 Speaker 02 I start fresh, yeah. Yeah.
7:59 H. Foley? And how many show tunes would you say you're in there?
8:02 Speaker 02 Tons, dude. It's filled with Disney songs.
8:04 Speaker 01 He's a Disney adult.
8:05 Speaker 02 I'm not a Disney adult, okay?
8:07 Speaker 01 You're not, not a Disney adult.
8:08 Speaker 02 I like, I'm an adult. I'm, I'm a Dis- I like Disney and I'm 35.
8:15 Speaker 01 Okay, my apologies, Your Honor.
8:17 Speaker 02 Okay, so, yeah, that's what my lawyer would say, he'd go, "Your Honor."
8:20 Speaker 01 This guy's barely an adult.
8:22 H. Foley? So, it's the Disney thing, but not, like, you don't have things from, like, Chicago in there, do you? Or, like, lame men?
8:29 Speaker 02 Uh, I have stuff from, like, Book of Mormon and stuff on there.
8:31 H. Foley? Oh, I'll give you that.
8:32 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
8:33 H. Foley? I know you're a South Park guy.
8:34 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, and I love Broadway as well, so...
8:37 H. Foley? You do?
8:37 Speaker 02 Pretty classy as well.
8:38 Speaker 01 That is.
8:39 Speaker 02 I'm trying to, I'm trying to win here.
8:40 H. Foley? I didn't know that about you. I didn't know you loved Broadway.
8:42 Speaker 01 Oh, that's a fun, that's a-
8:43 Speaker 02 Ask a fucking question once in a while.
8:46 Speaker 01 Hey, why don't you call me every now and then?
8:47 Speaker 02 Hey, call me every now and then.
8:48 Speaker 01 That's pretty funny. Prove to us why you think you're, how much, okay, classy, you got jewelry on?
8:53 Speaker 02 Yeah.
8:53 Speaker 01 How much was that jewelry?
8:55 Speaker 02 Um, it was a couple hundred for both of these.
8:58 Speaker 01 So, like-
8:59 Speaker 02 So, it's not really real. I don't need to get insurance on it. I almost stopped wearing these.
9:03 H. Foley? I don't need to get insurance.
9:05 Speaker 01 I've never heard of that.
9:05 Speaker 02 The people have insurance on their jewelry. Did you know that?
9:08 H. Foley? That's all fake too.
9:10 Speaker 01 I don't roll with that.
9:10 H. Foley? I heard Fetty Wap or somebody talking about that.
9:12 Speaker 02 What do you mean?
9:13 H. Foley? That they all, it's all fake.
9:14 Speaker 02 They do wear fake.
9:15 Speaker 01 Yeah, like, if they're, if they're going somewhere, they're like, "Why would I wear the real thing out?"
9:18 Speaker 02 I know, yeah, yeah. Well, I got this one for Christmas from my lady.
9:21 H. Foley? I have no idea who Fetty Wap is, by the way.
9:23 Speaker 02 Fetty Wap sings Trap Queen.
9:24 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
9:25 Speaker 02 Um, so I got this from my lady, which was about, like, three hundred bucks, I think.
9:29 Speaker 01 Okay.
9:29 Speaker 02 And this is, like, a hundred something, two hundred bucks.
9:31 Speaker 01 Where do you go, does Jacob do those for you?
9:36 Speaker 02 Um-
9:36 H. Foley? He's got Jared, right?
9:37 Speaker 02 Yeah, I have, I have his name tattooed on me, Jacob, right there.
9:40 Speaker 01 Holy shit, you do? Who's Jacob?
9:42 Speaker 02 Jacob is my, uh, best friend since we were in, like, uh, first grade, like-
9:46 H. Foley? He died?
9:46 Speaker 02 Nah, he's still alive. I'm going to his wedding next week.
9:48 Speaker 01 He got, he did get a DUI, though.
9:52 Speaker 01 That was when he got, when they put him on house arrest, I got a tattoo of him.
9:55 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah, I went, I went, "Free Jacob."
9:57 H. Foley? Wait, you have the tattoo of a man who's still alive that isn't your father on your arm?
10:01 Speaker 02 He's more healthier than me.
10:03 Speaker 01 This guy's alive and kicking.
10:05 H. Foley? He's alive and kicking, he's doing great. He works out every day, he's very healthy. I'm going to his wedding in two weeks. Does he have your name tattooed on your arm?
10:12 Speaker 02 He does not, no.
10:13 Speaker 01 That's a wild upper hand.
10:15 H. Foley? Saddle, what the fuck is going on?
10:18 Speaker 02 When I was-
10:18 H. Foley? How did I not know anything?
10:20 Speaker 02 When we were younger-
10:21 Speaker 01 What sparked it, yeah?
10:22 Speaker 02 Um, I visited him, I, I would go visit him in college because-
10:27 H. Foley? You're in love with this guy.
10:28 Speaker 02 Well, uh-
10:29 Speaker 01 He got friendzoned?
10:30 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, I was like, "Damn." I think-
10:32 Speaker 01 I like you, just not like that, bro.
10:33 H. Foley? I got your name tattooed on my arm.
10:35 Speaker 02 I love you.
10:37 Speaker 01 Let it go, let it go.
10:40 Speaker 02 I would go-
10:41 H. Foley? Jacob doesn't bother me anyway.
10:44 H. Foley? It's Frozen.
10:45 Speaker 02 It's Frozen. God, it's on my playlist.
10:47 H. Foley? He doesn't know it.
10:48 Speaker 02 I do know Frozen.
10:48 H. Foley? That's a goddamn banger.
10:50 Speaker 01 I know it.
10:51 Speaker 02 Don't you have a little baby?
10:51 Speaker 01 I do, yeah.
10:52 Speaker 02 You gotta watch Frozen.
10:53 H. Foley? He's starting to learn all this stuff.
10:55 Speaker 02 Yeah, watch Hercules, bro. If there's a price for rotten judgment.
10:59 Speaker 01 I'm alright.
11:00 Speaker 02 I guess I've already won that. Anyway, so I would visit him and...
11:05 H. Foley? That was great!
11:06 Speaker 01 I do love how I was like, prove that you're classy. We got to the bracelets and we found I had another man's name tattooed on them and we completely... He literally got one decent thing. I'm like, I got, I got these bracelets and then that's, that's, that's the best case for yours, you could make for yourself.
11:19 Speaker 02 I'm so far into garbage, I could never be classy again.
11:22 H. Foley? How have we not known that? You had that tattoo on that guy?
11:25 Speaker 02 I don't really brag about it or anything like that, to be honest. I mean, uh, so I would go visit, I, you know, a bunch of my friends went to the same college.
11:33 Speaker 01 What college?
11:34 Speaker 02 Including, uh, Binghamton University.
11:35 Speaker 01 Yeah.
11:36 Speaker 02 Um, so I would go up there and I'd...
11:37 Speaker 01 Right next to the state penitentiary.
11:40 Speaker 02 Binghamton is a rough town, dude. Yeah, I mean, my, one of my buddies bought a, uh, bought a, what's that, what's, it's like a gun for arrows. What's that called?
11:49 Speaker 01 A crossbow?
11:50 Speaker 02 A crossbow, yeah. My buddy bought a crossbow and he was like, "Bro, we just got a crossbow. You gotta come up to Binghamton."
11:55 Speaker 01 He'd jump in the car for seven hours.
11:57 Speaker 02 Yeah, and I went, I went straight to Binghamton and we just shot crossbows at the wall that they were like...
12:01 Speaker 01 Now, were they selling drugs? It sounds like somebody would, who was selling weed.
12:04 Speaker 02 My one buddy had, yes.
12:05 Speaker 01 Yeah, would buy a crossbow.
12:07 Speaker 02 Very good, very good, yeah.
12:08 Speaker 01 We're the same, we're essentially the same people.
12:12 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
12:12 H. Foley? Same generation?
12:14 Speaker 01 I'm a little older, but yeah.
12:15 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, we're pretty much the same. Well, how, how old are you?
12:17 Speaker 01 Thirty-nine.
12:18 Speaker 02 Yeah, okay, same shit.
12:19 H. Foley? Corn, Maxim magazine, all that kinda shit?
12:21 Speaker 02 Yeah, bro, I mean...
12:23 Speaker 01 FHM, I did the deep cuts, dawg.
12:25 Speaker 02 Fish eye lens with like Malcolm in the Middle t-shirts on and stuff like that. That's, that's all that, like goos. Remember how big, like, like radiation goos was in the nineties and shit like that?
12:36 H. Foley? What the hell are you talking about?
12:36 Speaker 02 You know what I'm talking about?
12:37 H. Foley? You mean slime?
12:38 Speaker 02 Slime, yeah.
12:39 Speaker 01 Any, yes.
12:40 Speaker 02 Sorry, I didn't, yeah, slime.
12:43 Speaker 01 For the old heads.
12:45 Speaker 01 Whatever, pop up. Hey, second, let's get outta here.
12:48 H. Foley? Like on Nickelodeon.
12:50 Speaker 02 Um, so, yeah, to make a long story short, um, I went up there and we were just laughing about, it was always a running joke, cause we were like, we were best friends. Like, we got attached at the hip in high school. That was the thing we got, um...
13:04 Speaker 01 Oh, like your award?
13:05 Speaker 02 Yeah, the award we got. What is that called? Uh, uh, whatever. We got that.
13:10 H. Foley? Gang's dudes award?
13:12 Speaker 02 Fuck you, man.
13:14 Speaker 02 Yeah, the principal was like, "And for the biggest homos."
13:18 Speaker 01 We have Brendan.
13:19 Speaker 02 Go to Brendan and Jacob. We actually, we had a, we had a, when Facebook first started and we were like, we were like, "Let's just create our own Facebook." Cause we wanted to look at a buddy's girlfriend and like, see if she was hot. And, uh, you know, cause we're not gay. And, uh, we, we, we-
13:38 Speaker 01 Ew, she's gross.
13:39 Speaker 02 Yeah, we go, "Ew, in that dress with that top."
13:42 H. Foley? Wait, you guys started a Facebook page for years, together?
13:45 Speaker 02 Together, called Jacob Brendan. So it-
13:47 Speaker 01 You're in love with this.
13:48 Speaker 02 It was J-A-C-O-B-R-E-N. I don't know, dude. Fuck you. Fuck you guys.
13:53 Speaker 01 Oh, oh.
13:54 Speaker 02 How dare you?
13:55 Speaker 01 You're gonna object at the wedding.
13:56 Speaker 02 How dare you?
13:57 Speaker 01 I object!
13:57 Speaker 02 I know, I'm gonna, I'm gonna be hitting the glass. Jacob!
14:03 Speaker 01 She doesn't even have her name tattooed on you.
14:06 Speaker 02 Anyway, so we, it was always a running joke that we would get, I would get his name tattooed on me. And I had a bunch of tattoos I was getting, so I didn't really give a shit. Like, this whole arm is full of, like, I don't care. And so is this arm, too. And, um, so we were like, on the way to the tattoo place-
14:21 H. Foley? That's a heart-shaped grenade, right?
14:23 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah. So, um, cause I wear my heart on my sleeve, ladies.
14:30 Speaker 02 Let me go. Are there any goth fat girls that listen to this?
14:34 Speaker 01 Probably, yeah.
14:36 H. Foley? Shout out to the beautiful girls out there.
14:37 Speaker 01 Shout out to all the beautiful girls.
14:38 Speaker 02 Hell, yeah. Um, yeah, so, and on the way there, we were like, "Well, what's it gonna look like?" And all that stuff. And I was like, and there was, someone was like, someone was like, "We should put it in an anchor." And I went, and then someone was like, "Have the squid..." We went as a group, like, all my friends went. And we were laughing and giggling the entire time.
14:56 H. Foley? It's not bad.
14:57 Speaker 02 I know, it's horrible. What are you talking about? We asked the guy to make the eyes high. We went, "Can you make the eyes on the squid high?"
15:04 Speaker 01 It's faded to the point where, like, I remember seeing old men who were in the Navy. Like, that's what that looks, it can't be that old to fade that much.
15:13 Speaker 02 I got it when I was like, 21, I think.
15:16 Speaker 01 Okay.
15:16 Speaker 02 So, and then-
15:17 H. Foley? Clover really adds to it above it.
15:19 Speaker 02 Well, the clover I got when I was 16. But anyway, whatever. What is this? You know, but-
15:24 Speaker 01 This is garbage days.
15:27 Speaker 02 garbage days. So we, yeah. The biggest regret, I think, of it. I'll tell you this, is right before.
15:35 H. Foley? Unrequited love?
15:36 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, it just could never work. Is right before we got it done. He goes, we said to the tattoo guy, we go, oh, add a pirate hat to it. And the guy, I thought it was gonna be like a pirate hat, like a, like a cartoon Captain Crunch pirate hat. This guy did like a realistic pirate hat, and now it looks like a fucking cock.
15:55 H. Foley? It looks like a slice of watermelon.
15:56 Speaker 02 Oh. Looks like a penis.
15:58 Speaker 01 But I thought, I, I, I thought it was-
16:00 Speaker 02 It's another man's name wrapped in a penis.
16:04 Speaker 01 What's, yeah, what's this circle? Bit of a turn on it, he has me.
16:08 Speaker 02 The anchor, I guess, I have no idea.
16:10 Speaker 01 Oh, the top of the anchor.
16:11 Speaker 02 So it's an anchor, yeah.
16:12 H. Foley? It's on his watch?
16:14 Speaker 02 What?
16:14 Speaker 01 I thought it was a duck, if I'm being honest with you.
16:17 Speaker 02 Well, yeah, and Jacob's always like, hey, man, you can get that covered, and I was like, yeah, maybe, I don't know.
16:21 Speaker 01 Hey, man, things are getting pretty serious with my girl, why don't you cover that up?
16:25 Speaker 02 I'm gonna be wearing a suit without, without sleeves on it.
16:28 H. Foley? Are you the best man in the wedding?
16:29 Speaker 02 I'm not, he is a brother, so.
16:31 H. Foley? Are you in the wedding party?
16:32 Speaker 02 I am in the wedding party, I'm wearing a tux. Again, with the sleeves cut off.
16:35 Speaker 01 You're such a dirtbag, I am wearing a tux.
16:37 Speaker 02 I am wearing a tux, yeah.
16:38 H. Foley? Wait, hold on, are you officially in the wedding party?
16:40 Speaker 02 I rented it, yeah.
16:41 H. Foley? Or are you just wearing a tux because the other groomsmen are?
16:44 Speaker 01 I got a feeling he's not in the wedding.
16:45 Speaker 02 No, none of the other groomsmen are wearing tux, I'm wearing one tux with the tail going out, no. Uh, I, everybody's wearing tuxes.
16:53 H. Foley? So you're in the, you're a groomsmen?
16:54 Speaker 02 I'm in the wedding party.
16:54 Speaker 01 You're standing up there with him.
16:56 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah.
16:56 H. Foley? Are you first behind his brother?
16:58 Speaker 02 I hope, I mean, I got his fucking name tattooed on me, for Christ's sake, the fact that I'm not the best man is gonna be-
17:03 Speaker 01 It's bullshit, Jacob.
17:04 Speaker 02 Yeah.
17:05 H. Foley? Are you, are you making a speech?
17:07 Speaker 02 No, should I?
17:08 H. Foley? No, not if you weren't asked.
17:09 Speaker 02 I, I might freestyle something.
17:11 Speaker 01 I'd like that idea.
17:12 Speaker 02 Oh, oh, oh, Jacob, don't get married, oh, oh, oh, I love you, oh, oh, oh.
17:19 Speaker 02 Anyway. Anyway, so when are we recording? Where are we starting?
17:23 H. Foley? The duality of, well.
17:25 Speaker 01 Duality?
17:26 H. Foley? Yeah.
17:26 Speaker 02 Oh, what's that spell that?
17:27 Speaker 01 This is pretty one way, I don't know what you're talking about.
17:29 H. Foley? Well, he listens to musicals.
17:32 Speaker 02 I'm a pretty-
17:32 Speaker 01 He's got the brain of an eight-year-old.
17:37 Speaker 01 What are you talking about?
17:39 H. Foley? Baby Shark?
17:41 Speaker 02 Have you guys heard this sick Baby Shark song? I'm going to see Teletubbies at Wembley Stadium if you guys want to come.
17:49 H. Foley? What was your first concert?
17:51 Speaker 02 The Beach Boys. The Beach Boys, I was at a fair and I was a little baby.
17:54 Speaker 01 That's okay.
17:55 Speaker 02 But first-
17:56 Speaker 01 No one's ever referred to themselves at a concert as a baby.
17:59 Speaker 02 I was, I was a little baby.
18:01 H. Foley? We talking Kokomo? Was that, when that was going on?
18:05 Speaker 02 I think, uh, I don't know, but it was, it was a cool fair. There was a bunch of, uh, hot air balloons that were getting, that were taking off and shit. It was cool.
18:13 H. Foley? Was this on Long Island?
18:15 Speaker 02 I don't know where it was. I was a little baby.
18:16 Speaker 01 It would have to be.
18:17 Speaker 02 I don't, I don't remember.
18:18 Speaker 01 Stop calling yourself a baby.
18:19 Speaker 02 I was a little baby. I was 13 years old. No, but the first concert I went to as an adult-
18:25 H. Foley? I don't know.
18:26 Speaker 02 As somebody who like bought tickets, right? And was like, I'm going to a concert-
18:30 H. Foley? Can we guess it?
18:31 Speaker 02 Yeah, you'll never guess it. You'll never guess it.
18:34 Speaker 01 Were they releasing music when you were that age? What, how old were you?
18:37 Speaker 02 I was like 13.
18:39 Speaker 01 So 2005, maybe?
18:43 Speaker 02 Like 2017.
18:44 Speaker 01 Oh, jeez.
18:45 H. Foley? Is it, is it in your, is it in your vernacular-
18:49 Speaker 02 That would make me 16 years old.
18:50 H. Foley? Is it in your popular music vernacular that we would know of the Brendan we know?
18:54 Speaker 02 Well, I mean, my music is obviously all over the place, so I really don't think you would guess it, but I do think it would fit into the, you know, you'd go, of course, maybe.
19:03 H. Foley? Is it hip hop, rock?
19:05 Speaker 02 It's rock. Let me just tell you.
19:06 Speaker 01 Yeah.
19:07 Speaker 02 It was, um, you'll never guess. You'll never guess. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm Steve Harvey. I, I, I'm Steve Harvey and Family Feud. I go, "Let me just tell you what it is."
19:17 H. Foley? I like sex, put me in my play.
19:18 Speaker 02 Yeah, I go, "I'm just gonna tell you. I'm sick of guessing."
19:20 H. Foley? Bit of a turn on.
19:21 Speaker 02 Yeah. Okay, maybe I'll get your name tattooed on it.
19:24 Speaker 01 I come in tomorrow and you got Brendan tattooed on it.
19:28 H. Foley? What'd you guys do last night?
19:29 Speaker 02 You go, "Oh, God, I'm hammered, man. Why does my neck hurt?"
19:33 H. Foley? Kim, you know Fabletics?
19:34 Speaker 01 Ooh, I love Fabletics!
19:36 H. Foley? You're a big Fabletics guy. Well, I'm gonna tell you something right now, you better start moving over.
19:41 Speaker 01 Uh-oh!
19:41 H. Foley? Uncle Hank's down a few pounds.
19:43 Speaker 01 Yeah!
19:44 H. Foley? I'm getting a little more active.
19:45 Speaker 01 A little more movement.
19:46 H. Foley? That's right, and I wanna be looking for some fitness wear.
19:49 Speaker 01 Woo!
19:50 H. Foley? You know what I'm talking about?
19:51 Speaker 01 Dog!
19:51 H. Foley? Point me in the right direction over there at Fabletics. Let me know what's going on.
19:55 Speaker 01 I will. I'm a big fan of the joggers. We spent, whatever, the whole time we were in LA, I don't think I got out of the joggers. I travel in them. I wear them around the house. They make me, I gotta, I gotta get about five more pairs of these jeans, cuz I'm wearing a heck out of them. They cut well, look good, but you're not like, you don't look like, eh, for me, I'm not trying too hard.
20:15 H. Foley? That's what I should do here.
20:16 Speaker 01 I'm a big fan of the joggers, and when you sign up for VIP with Fabletics, you get 70 to 80% off of everything. It makes it easy to grab multiple workout shirts, shorts, lounge pieces, everyday staples for the summer without overthinking it. You can look, they see what they have as a total, as like a package, as a uniform, as an outfit. They have, like we said, the versatile pieces that you can wear throughout the day. I can wear them on a workout. Like I said, I wear them traveling. I wear them running errands. I wear them walking the dog. I wear them hanging out with my baby. And still feel put together, cuz it's, it makes, there's things about bozos like us, you just gotta increase a little bit. And you go, "Ah, I feel nice. I feel fancy."
20:51 H. Foley? Just a little bit of 5% twist.
20:53 Speaker 01 That's all you need to just elevate your game a smidge.
20:56 H. Foley? Let's go!
20:56 Speaker 01 Shop right now, fabletics.com/garbage, and get 70 to 80% off of everything when you sign up as a new VIP. Take a quick style quiz, which I took very quick, and be sure to select garbage when prompted to unlock this offer. It's a limited time offer, so don't wait. Again, that's fabletics.com/garbage for 70, 80% off everything as a new VIP. Do it!
21:17 H. Foley? This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.
21:19 Speaker 01 Yes.
21:19 H. Foley? Summer's here.
21:20 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
21:20 H. Foley? Okay. As we know, Uncle Hank, very, very serious mental health journey.
21:27 Speaker 01 Yes.
21:27 H. Foley? Start it with BetterHelp.
21:29 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
21:29 H. Foley? Let's go. Do yourself a favor. Whether you got something big going on, something small going on, you have a milestone in your life that you have to overcome, that you have to talk your way through.
21:39 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
21:40 H. Foley? Go to, go, go to a professional.
21:42 Speaker 01 Yes.
21:42 H. Foley? And get yourself the help that you need, if you need it. You got something small going on. Makes it easy.
21:48 Speaker 01 Yes.
21:49 H. Foley? It really makes it easy. It honestly has changed my life.
21:51 Speaker 01 That's good to hear. And I can, I can second that. Uh, and, uh, BetterHelp has over 30,000 therapists. BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 6 million people globally, and it works with an average rating of 4.9 out of 5 for live session based on over 1.7 million client reviews. The, the, the proof is in the numbers, baby. Um, BetterHelp does the initial matchmaking work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. And I've always said, therapy can be overwhelming and daunting to think about of calling down somebody up, making this stuff, making these appointments, finding out if they're right for you. Let BetterHelp do it. You can get in the pool. It's just, you, you, you step into the pool instead of jumping in. You walk down the stairs. You get in, you go, hey, this might be my guy. This might not be my guy. Let me try again.
22:36 Speaker 01 But at least you're, the, the, the ball is rolling and you're, and you're working on yourself. Which I am a big fan of. Um, you don't have to say yes to everything this summer. Find support in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/garbage. That's betterhelp, H E L P, dot com slash garbage. Do it.
22:55 Speaker 02 Uh, I, I went to go see, uh, the Viva La Bam Tour, which was, which was...
23:01 Speaker 01 CKY?
23:02 Speaker 02 It wasn't CKY, actually, which sucks. CKY wasn't on it. It was him.
23:07 Speaker 01 Okay.
23:07 Speaker 02 It was...
23:08 H. Foley? Who?
23:09 Speaker 02 Heh, that's funny.
23:11 Speaker 01 It's the name of the band.
23:12 Speaker 02 It's the name of the band.
23:12 H. Foley? Oh, him, okay, I got it.
23:13 Speaker 02 Who's on first? Uh, what's on second?
23:16 H. Foley? I got, I don't know him.
23:18 Speaker 02 Who?
23:18 H. Foley? That sounds weird.
23:19 Speaker 02 It does sound weird.
23:20 H. Foley? Is it a person or is it a band?
23:21 Speaker 02 It's a band.
23:22 H. Foley? Him.
23:22 Speaker 02 They're like Gothic metal.
23:24 H. Foley? That's the dumbest shit I ever...
23:25 Speaker 02 I know.
23:26 Speaker 01 They're Swedish or what are they? Fin, Finland?
23:27 Speaker 02 Fin, Fin, Finnish.
23:28 H. Foley? Alright, I'll give you that.
23:29 Speaker 01 Hey, let's finish the story.
23:31 Speaker 02 Yeah.
23:34 Speaker 02 It was Finnish. It was, I mean, they were, it was him, and it was this band, Skindred and another band. Skindred was, is like reggae metal rap. And they were, you know, and I was like, like 13 at the time.
23:45 H. Foley? You know the Architects?
23:47 Speaker 02 No, who's that?
23:48 H. Foley? No? Good band.
23:49 Speaker 02 Oh, okay. Okay.
23:50 Speaker 01 This has been Hip Hop Corner with H. W.
23:52 H. Foley? No, they, they just played at Sonic Temple. You don't know what that is?
23:57 Speaker 01 These are all video games.
23:58 Speaker 02 You're making shit up, dude.
23:59 H. Foley? I thought this was up your alley.
24:01 Speaker 02 You go, yeah, you're making shit up, dude.
24:02 Speaker 01 Sonic boom.
24:04 H. Foley? They were like around my chemical romance era.
24:06 Speaker 02 Oh, no, I wasn't really into that.
24:08 Speaker 01 Really?
24:09 Speaker 02 To be honest, yeah, no, I didn't really, I mean, now I'll listen to some of their songs.
24:12 Speaker 01 This is such a new money arm, it's crazy.
24:14 Speaker 02 I know, I know, right?
24:15 Speaker 01 Fucking bright red new tattoo and a gold ended.
24:18 Speaker 02 Gold and silver, that's what makes it really trashy, yeah.
24:21 Speaker 01 The double bracelet is a.
24:22 H. Foley? What was the occasion your girl got it for you?
24:24 Speaker 02 Christmas.
24:25 H. Foley? What'd you get her?
24:26 Speaker 02 Uh, I got her Nikes.
24:28 Speaker 01 A rap song.
24:29 Speaker 02 Yeah, I wrote, I wrote a couple verses.
24:31 H. Foley? Christmas rap song?
24:32 Speaker 02 I wrote her a hook. Um, I got her like Nikes and, and some like clothes and stuff and just shit she would like, and a necklace. I got her, I got her a nice necklace.
24:42 H. Foley? Nice.
24:42 Speaker 01 Very nice.
24:43 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah.
24:43 Speaker 01 Um, speaking of your Long Island early days, do you remember the first strip club you, what was the name of the first strip club you went to?
24:49 Speaker 02 The first strip club I ever went to?
24:51 Speaker 01 And let's do the last.
24:53 Speaker 02 Oh, man, the la, the la, well, the last was yesterday, so, um, no, what was the first strip club I ever went to? I think it was.
25:01 Speaker 01 Was it 18 or 21?
25:03 Speaker 02 I, I don't remember, it was for, you know what it was for? I think it was. What was it? I remember, I think it might have been for Aaron Berg's bachelor party.
25:12 Speaker 01 Whoa.
25:12 H. Foley? That was your first strip club?
25:13 Speaker 02 I think so, yeah, yeah.
25:14 H. Foley? Nerd alert.
25:18 Speaker 01 What age were you then?
25:19 Speaker 02 I don't know.
25:19 Speaker 01 You were in your early twenties, I believe.
25:20 Speaker 02 But I was, I was like, I was like, anytime she stopped dancing, I was like, come on back. I was so hammered that I was, I was just getting a lap dance the entire fucking time.
25:28 H. Foley? Nice.
25:29 Speaker 02 I spent so much money there and I was hammered, dude. And then the last one I went to, me and Matt Richards went to a, a little bit more of an urban one.
25:38 H. Foley? Hey, was this during the pandemic?
25:41 Speaker 02 I think so.
25:42 H. Foley? Was it with the one close by to where we were performing?
25:45 Speaker 02 Maybe, where, I don't know, but we, I remember a.
25:48 H. Foley? It wasn't a strip club.
25:50 Speaker 02 What are you talking about? It was a strip club, there were ladies dancing by poles and.
25:53 H. Foley? I think it was a little more than that.
25:55 Speaker 01 Well, most strip clubs are, if you have enough cash.
25:57 Speaker 02 Yeah, if you have enough cash.
25:57 H. Foley? Isn't it the same building that we were doing the outdoor shows on?
26:00 Speaker 02 No, no, no, no, no.
26:01 Speaker 01 Oh, no.
26:01 Speaker 02 No, but we, we were driving home.
26:03 Speaker 01 That was a mob run brothel.
26:04 Speaker 02 Yeah, we were, I don't even remember that, what are you talking about? Where were we?
26:08 H. Foley? The rooftop. The one rooftop in
26:10 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah, yeah, I didn't, that was a strip club. No, I went to
26:15 H. Foley? It wasn't a fucking Target, I can tell you that.
26:17 Speaker 02 I know, something. Uh, we were just driving and he was like, you wanna go to a strip club? We're like near a strip club and I was like, alright, yeah. And
26:24 Speaker 01 Okay.
26:24 Speaker 02 We just, I think I had just quit booze too, so I was like, I was just there like sober with these like big black asses up, up in my face and I was just like, excuse me, miss! Uh, I'm, I'm okay, I'm driving.
26:37 Speaker 01 This guy's a cop.
26:40 H. Foley? Why were you doing this?
26:41 Speaker 02 Uh, cuz it fucking, she was farting in my face.
26:44 Speaker 01 Pay extra for that.
26:47 Speaker 02 Her name was Alpharetta.
26:51 H. Foley? Now we gotta leave all that in.
26:53 Speaker 02 Fuck!
26:54 Speaker 01 That was all staying in there anyway, that was all part of the bit.
26:56 H. Foley? Sags, what was your first job?
26:58 Speaker 02 Uh, my first job was, I was a bowling alley, uh
27:03 Speaker 01 Alright, that's enough.
27:05 Speaker 02 I was, I worked as a party host for kids, for children's birthday parties at a bowling alley, which I actually got, um, demoted after a couple of months. They, they, they had hired me for, uh
27:17 H. Foley? How old were you?
27:18 Speaker 02 I was about fourteen, I think.
27:19 H. Foley? This boy's got the brain of a child.
27:21 Speaker 02 Fourteen, fifteen, yeah, there, yeah.
27:22 H. Foley? Stop singing those goddamn show tunes.
27:25 Speaker 02 It wasn't a hard job, but I just, uh, never really cleaned up after.
27:29 Speaker 01 What'd you get demoted to?
27:31 Speaker 02 Janitor.
27:32 Speaker 01 So you weren't cleaning up, so they demoted you to a janitor?
27:34 Speaker 02 They just had me come in, they were like, cuz I remember coming in, they were just like, we don't have any parties. And I was like, okay, what am I supposed to do? And they were like, just like clean around and stuff. And for hours, I would just walk around cleaning, like, they never gave me any direction. Um, the manager actually got fired from there because he strangled this girl named Blaze.
27:53 Speaker 02 There was a girl there named Blaze who was a lesbian and he was a big fat guy named Franklin and he ended up strangling her, not killing her. Not, not, not, not, not killing her, but like
28:02 H. Foley? What'd she do?
28:03 Speaker 01 I don't It's just a Tuesday in Long Island, dude. That happened, that happened at every town in Long Island.
28:08 H. Foley? When you say party host-
28:09 Speaker 02 He put his arm around, he's put his hands around her neck, so he got fired. He was mad at her, or something.
28:14 H. Foley? Jesus.
28:15 Speaker 02 I know. So, the party host-
28:16 Speaker 01 You are fucking next level trash.
28:20 Speaker 02 Tell me about it. I mean- You know, and um, so the job consisted of you were, you'd go in about an hour and a half earlier. You'd set up the table, you'd set up how many, you'd know how many kids were gonna be there.
28:32 Speaker 01 You're all getting tokens, this, that, whatever.
28:33 Speaker 02 Exactly. You'd go, you'd put up the, the, the things if they needed them.
28:36 H. Foley? Did you fill the pitchers of soda?
28:38 Speaker 02 Yeah, you would fill the pitches up with soda. Good question, good question. Um, you would fill the pitchers up with-
28:43 Speaker 01 I don't know if he's being a dick or not.
28:45 Speaker 02 You go, oh, you know, oh yeah, yeah. You should start, you should uh, be a hired questioner for the president.
28:51 Speaker 01 A questioner?
28:52 Speaker 02 I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is.
28:57 H. Foley? He's giving me attitude about it.
28:59 Speaker 01 Great question.
29:01 Speaker 02 You go, you, hey, did you fill up those pitches yourself? You go-
29:05 Speaker 01 Would you put your ice in them too? I like a lot of ice.
29:09 Speaker 02 Did you put your shoes on yourself as well?
29:11 H. Foley? They usually don't put ice in them.
29:13 Speaker 02 They do put, put ice in it. It actually looks so good.
29:16 H. Foley? Oh.
29:17 Speaker 02 A pitcher of Coke.
29:18 H. Foley? We talk about it all the time.
29:19 Speaker 02 Oh my god, I love soda dude, I love it so much. It's the, it's the best.
29:24 Speaker 01 You know what, you know where we should take Sagalow?
29:27 H. Foley? Pizza Hut.
29:28 Speaker 01 TNT Amusements.
29:29 H. Foley? Oh my god.
29:31 Speaker 02 What is that?
29:32 Speaker 01 It's a place I grew up with, and the guy made these infomercials, but it's a-
29:36 Speaker 02 Todd Tucky, shout out to him.
29:37 Speaker 01 Shout out to Todd Tucky.
29:38 Speaker 02 TNT.
29:38 Speaker 01 TNT Amusements. He, he sold video games, and then, but he kept them, and then he just turned his warehouse into an arcade.
29:45 Speaker 02 That fucking rules.
29:47 Speaker 01 So like, we, all of our birthday parties were there, but then he also had, we did a whole episode on it, but he also had, we had him on the show actually.
29:52 Speaker 02 Wow.
29:53 Speaker 01 I forgot it was, uh-
29:53 H. Foley? Sags, you would love it.
29:54 Speaker 01 But he made his own infomercials.
29:56 H. Foley? He might be your real dad.
29:57 Speaker 01 Oh really? It's, it's insane.
29:59 Speaker 02 That's awesome.
30:00 Speaker 01 How mu- wow, yeah.
30:01 Speaker 02 He's got-
30:01 H. Foley? Hi, my name's T, and you're-
30:03 Speaker 01 Dude, and he edited, what did he edit it all in the camcorder, so the cuts are horrible and-
30:08 Speaker 02 Oh great.
30:09 Speaker 01 He was like, he was ahead of his time.
30:10 H. Foley? Back in the day though.
30:11 Speaker 01 Yeah.
30:11 Speaker 02 I love that dude. Yeah, I love that. There's a, there's a huge arcade in Portland, uh, Oregon. I forgot what it's called, it's like, uh, uh, Game Over or something like that, and they have like, 5,000 pinball machines. And all you do is like, you pay $20, you could play all day. It's, it's-
30:27 Speaker 01 I'm having my bash reporting.
30:28 Speaker 02 Yeah, I shaved up my money for it.
30:30 H. Foley? Are you a pinball guy?
30:31 Speaker 02 I love pinball dude, love it. What? I would go to a barcade alone. I still do that. Like, up, up until a couple of weeks ago, I, I go to a barcade alone.
30:41 Speaker 01 That is you currently still, you're like, up until a couple of weeks.
30:43 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Up a couple, too. But I'll put twenty dollars in, I'll get a bunch of coins, and I'll just be playing fucking pinballs alone. It's the best. It's the best feeling.
30:54 Speaker 02 Next question?
30:56 Speaker 02 Will, will I get, will I fill up the-
30:57 Speaker 01 Back to the, back to the show, dude.
30:58 Speaker 02 And that, buddy-
31:00 Speaker 01 That was genuine, honestly.
31:02 H. Foley? Now, what do you gentlemen do for work?
31:06 Speaker 01 So, how's this podcast going?
31:07 Speaker 02 Yeah, you go, "I like what you're doing with this place."
31:09 H. Foley? Who babysat you as a kid?
31:11 Speaker 02 Um, it was this woman-
31:12 Speaker 01 The TV?
31:15 Speaker 01 Sega.
31:16 Speaker 02 I go, "Babysitter? What is that?" Um, no, my parents would just leave me at the Beach Boys concert. No, uh, I, this woman named Alice, who, we would go to her apartment in Brooklyn. She actually let me in-
31:28 H. Foley? In Brooklyn?
31:29 Speaker 02 Yeah.
31:29 H. Foley? You live in fucking Long Island?
31:31 Speaker 02 I know, I know.
31:32 H. Foley? You would have to go to her?
31:33 Speaker 01 This is like an episode of Girls.
31:35 Speaker 02 Yeah, and she would, um, she actually got fired. My parents fired her because, um, uh, there was more babysitters in Long Island. No, but there, she, they fired her because she let me and my sister walk to the bus stop alone. And like, go meet my parents or something. Like, we took a bus alone or something.
31:54 H. Foley? A city bus?
31:54 Speaker 02 I was really young, yeah.
31:56 H. Foley? A city bus?
31:57 Speaker 02 I think so. I was really young. And they were like, "Yeah, we, we, we fired her, cause she-"
32:01 Speaker 01 That was dangerous.
32:02 Speaker 02 Wait, yeah. She, you and your sister were-
32:04 H. Foley? You were in Brooklyn, and what, you took the train, you took the bus?
32:06 Speaker 02 I don't know, I, I really don't remember.
32:08 H. Foley? I was a baby.
32:08 Speaker 02 I was a baby.
32:11 Speaker 02 Yeah, I was a baby. I don't know, I really don't remember, but that's what they said.
32:14 Speaker 01 The story is you and your sister went unsupervised on some sort of bus somewhere.
32:17 Speaker 02 Exactly, exactly.
32:18 Speaker 01 And your parents are like, "That's crazy."
32:19 Speaker 02 Exactly.
32:19 H. Foley? Just, just for, for everyone, when we ask that question, that's what I'm looking for when I ask a babysitter.
32:26 Speaker 02 Do you get shit for the babysitter question?
32:28 Speaker 01 Well, sometimes it just misses. Like, "Oh, my, my cousin or something."
32:32 Speaker 02 Oh, right.
32:32 H. Foley? It takes a specific kind of trash-
32:34 Speaker 02 It was a, it was a woman in my head, this is what she looked like. She was, she was, uh, missed out fire built? But she was Italian, so she had like this Italian kind of flavor.
32:45 Speaker 01 It's pretty hot.
32:46 Speaker 02 Yeah, I know, I know. She actually wasn't hot, cuz I remember her not being hot.
32:50 H. Foley? It's very specific, cuz we had the same thing. I mean, my cousins would babysit us from time to time, actually a lot, but our main babysitter.
32:57 Speaker 01 Part of the problem.
32:58 H. Foley? Our main babysitter was this woman who lived in my cousin's, uh, neighborhood.
33:03 Speaker 02 Yeah.
33:04 H. Foley? Who, she had special needs, and she was probably like forty-five, and she watched us. That was to babysat us.
33:10 Speaker 02 Oh my god.
33:11 H. Foley? So to have a babysitter that isn't a part of your family.
33:14 Speaker 02 No, I don't know how they met her.
33:15 H. Foley? Yeah, that's.
33:16 Speaker 02 I know nothing about her. I think she might have come to my sister's graduation or something, like she wanted to come or something like that, and they're like, okay, you can come.
33:24 H. Foley? That's next level trash.
33:25 Speaker 02 I know.
33:26 H. Foley? Especially that you had to go there. Your parents had to go and drop you off in Brooklyn.
33:29 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, they worked in the city, so they would, they would drive through Brooklyn and drop us off.
33:34 H. Foley? Wait, this was a daily thing?
33:36 Speaker 02 Every day, every day, we would go, we would go to her house and.
33:39 H. Foley? Did you have any family?
33:40 Speaker 02 Uh, not that wanted to watch us, I guess. I mean, we had family.
33:45 H. Foley? The boy's got a weird name tattooed on his arm. Only a baby.
33:51 Speaker 01 Wow, sucks. Okay.
33:53 Speaker 02 Yeah.
33:55 Speaker 01 Were you a Blockbuster family or independent rental store?
33:58 Speaker 02 Independent rental store? I didn't even know that that existed.
34:00 Speaker 01 They might have been gone by the time.
34:01 Speaker 02 Uh, Blockbuster all day, every day. I still have some Blockbuster video games that I used to, one of the best things was going to Blockbuster and getting video games and just playing them, and I would keep them. I mean, I probably owe Blockbuster like two million dollars because I still, I still have Toy Story two from, for, uh, N sixty-four.
34:20 H. Foley? You still play it?
34:21 Speaker 01 What was, what was the system of your childhood?
34:25 Speaker 02 Uh, N sixty-four, and then, and then Xbox, and then Playstation, and then Xbox again, and now I'm a Playstation guy.
34:31 H. Foley? Playstation five, I assume?
34:33 Speaker 02 Yeah, you better fucking believe it.
34:35 H. Foley? And what's your game that you play?
34:36 Speaker 02 Right now, I'm playing Resident Evil nine. So it's, I'm getting scared. I'm just sitting around getting scared all day.
34:41 H. Foley? Is it scary?
34:43 Speaker 02 It's fucking terrifying. You'd, you'd, you'd be terrified, yeah.
34:45 H. Foley? Really?
34:46 Speaker 02 It's a terrifying game, yeah.
34:47 H. Foley? Of a video game?
34:49 Speaker 02 Yeah dude, yeah, cuz I'm, I, I play this close to my TV. And, so I'm blocking out any kind of peripheral, you know, reality. And then, um, it's, the things jump out at you, it's zombies and stuff like that, and it's, it's all mutant kinda things and it's really scary.
35:07 Speaker 01 What's, what's, what is the?
35:08 H. Foley? The setup?
35:09 Speaker 02 I'm also, I'm also pretty balls deep in, uh, Pokemon Red, by the way. I play Pokemon Red on the, on the, on my Switch on the road.
35:17 H. Foley? What, what is that?
35:18 Speaker 02 It's Pokemon.
35:18 H. Foley? Is that where you go look for the shit in real life?
35:20 Speaker 02 No, no, that's Pokemon Go, which is insane. I can't believe people, I still see people doing that. I'm like, you know, it's, it's, that's insane to me, but...
35:28 H. Foley? What's Pokemon Red?
35:29 Speaker 03 Uh, game of our tra- my childhood. I d- I download the ROM and I play it on the road too.
35:33 Speaker 02 How old are you?
35:34 Speaker 03 Twenty-eight.
35:35 Speaker 02 Yeah, it's my childhood too, bud.
35:37 H. Foley? You're cl- what are you, thirty-three?
35:38 Speaker 02 I'm eighteen.
35:41 Speaker 01 You guys are weird and old.
35:43 Speaker 02 Yeah, I actually don't like this questioning.
35:45 Speaker 01 Stranger danger.
35:46 Speaker 02 Yeah, like two...
35:47 Speaker 01 I'm gonna call my babysitter to pick me up.
35:49 H. Foley? Are you thirty yet? Are you thirty?
35:51 Speaker 02 I'm thirty-five.
35:51 H. Foley? You're thirty-five?
35:52 Speaker 02 I'll be thirty-five in two weeks.
35:53 H. Foley? It's weird, you two are closer than you and him.
35:56 Speaker 02 Well, no, he's thirty-nine.
35:58 H. Foley? No, trust me, you two are closer.
36:00 Speaker 02 Well, probably in like nerd stuff, like you play video games and shit?
36:03 Speaker 03 Not as, yeah, I wanna get more into it on it.
36:05 Speaker 02 Not, not as.
36:06 H. Foley? We were just playing with two minutes ago.
36:08 Speaker 02 Oh, really?
36:09 Speaker 03 It's my mobile game.
36:09 Speaker 02 What's your mobile game? Pokemon Go?
36:11 Speaker 03 Fallout Shelter right now.
36:12 Speaker 02 Oh, I play Candy Crush. I'm on level like eleven thousand.
36:16 H. Foley? You're also an old lady.
36:17 Speaker 02 On Candy Crush, yeah. I've been playing Candy Crush for like eight years, and I'm on level like a thousand, like eleven thousand.
36:23 H. Foley? I, you know, this is, I swear to God, I don't know how I didn't know this much about ya.
36:30 Speaker 01 You're a shapeshifter.
36:31 H. Foley? I almost feel like we are, like you've surpassed, like you are, we are unqualified, like if, if this was a doctor...
36:39 Speaker 02 I know, if I'm leaving you guys speechless, it's, uh...
36:41 H. Foley? If this was a doctor-patient situation, I think at this point we would refer you to a specialist.
36:47 Speaker 01 But he doesn't have insurance, so he can't see him.
36:49 H. Foley? Would you agree with that?
36:49 Speaker 02 This is like an episode of House where they don't know what's wrong and they can't fix it.
36:53 Speaker 01 Yeah, um, alright, well like, let's, okay.
36:57 H. Foley? Candy Crush.
36:58 Speaker 01 What, what is one?
37:00 H. Foley? What is wrong with you?
37:02 Speaker 01 What is one thing that, and it could be very small. Could be something at a hotel.
37:07 Speaker 02 My penis.
37:09 Speaker 01 What is one thing that you do that makes you feel classy? Doesn't have to be classy, but like that makes you feel like, ooh, this is nice, I feel good.
37:17 Speaker 02 I don't know about small.
37:18 Speaker 01 Could be like valet in your.
37:19 Speaker 02 Uh, I'll get like a massage.
37:20 Speaker 01 Okay.
37:21 Speaker 02 I like massages.
37:22 Speaker 01 Where do you go for those?
37:23 Speaker 02 Uh, likes, uh, uh, uh, what's that fucking place? Spa, spa, um, what the fuck?
37:28 Speaker 01 Med spa.
37:29 Speaker 02 Oh, no, uh, Massage Envy.
37:30 Speaker 01 Massage, that's a nice, what's a, what's a massage run ya?
37:34 Speaker 02 It could be like a hundred bucks, be like a hundred, it depends on what you get.
37:37 Speaker 01 What do you get?
37:38 Speaker 02 I'll get like, I haven't gone in a while, but like lately what I've been doing is I'll go to, uh...
37:44 Speaker 01 The mall and sit in one of those chairs.
37:45 Speaker 02 I have done that, I do like that.
37:47 Speaker 01 I don't mind it.
37:48 Speaker 02 It's like 10 minutes.
37:48 Speaker 01 They're way more comfortable than you, yeah.
37:50 Speaker 02 Well, or I'll go to a massage place and sometimes you can just get like a foot massage. And, and for like 60 bucks, you sit in there and they'll rub your feet and stuff and then I go to my shows and stuff like that.
38:00 Speaker 01 You'll do that when you're on the road?
38:01 Speaker 02 Well, there's one right next to Gotham, so if I have time.
38:04 Speaker 01 You'll do it for city spots? That's crazy, dude. You've got your shoes off in midtown.
38:09 Speaker 02 Yeah, if anybody's.
38:10 H. Foley? My dogs are barking.
38:11 Speaker 02 If anybody's seeing me at the Cellar about, at about 10:30, my feet feel great.
38:16 Speaker 01 You're at that place next to Ben's?
38:18 H. Foley? Are you at that place?
38:20 Speaker 02 No, I don't know, but I have gone, I, I went to a place.
38:23 Speaker 01 You're walking.
38:24 Speaker 02 Well, I went to a place once. I didn't know it was a masturbation place and I, I went there and I, uh, got mad.
38:30 Speaker 01 Jerked a guy off.
38:33 H. Foley? Can I call you Jacob?
38:37 Speaker 01 This is so crazy, sir, I apologize. I did not know.
38:40 Speaker 02 I, I came here for a real massage and now I'm bowling, bro.
38:46 Speaker 02 I went in there.
38:47 H. Foley? I'm really doing a paper there.
38:49 Speaker 02 And I got a, yeah, I got, and I got a handjob for the first time I ever.
38:52 Speaker 01 Really?
38:52 Speaker 02 Yeah, this was a while ago.
38:53 Speaker 01 You didn't want to say no? Or like you were okay with it?
38:55 Speaker 02 Well, I knew the.
38:56 Speaker 01 You knew.
38:58 Speaker 02 Well, no, I went in for a real.
38:59 Speaker 01 You walk into a fucking Jack Shack, you know it, guy.
39:02 H. Foley? Wait a minute, you're an escort?
39:04 Speaker 02 I go, "Officer, I swear to God, I thought this was a real massage."
39:07 H. Foley? You said that same thing.
39:08 Speaker 02 You're in a parking lot. Uh, I, I went to, uh...
39:14 H. Foley? Kim, let's talk about Chime.
39:15 Speaker 01 Chime!
39:17 H. Foley? As you know, baby, life comes at you pretty quick.
39:19 Speaker 01 You ain't lying, big man.
39:20 H. Foley? Things start adding up.
39:21 Speaker 01 Uh-huh.
39:21 H. Foley? You know what I'm saying? I wish I could go back and tell my younger self, "If you're gonna do a little banking, make sure you save your money, make sure you do it right, watch out for bank fees, all that kinda stuff." I'll tell you what I really wish. I could go back and say, "Hey, I wish I had Chime."
39:36 Speaker 01 I know. Listen, if you're out there, this is where Chime comes in. Chime is changing the way people bank. It's hard, and listen, it's hard enough to keep a buck as it is. Then you got these big corporate banks coming after ya.
39:49 H. Foley? Overdraft fees.
39:50 Speaker 01 Overdraft fee, uh, monthly statement, that is. "Oh, five dollars for this, ten dollars for that." They got their hand in your pocket. Not with Chime. Chime offers the most rewarding fee-free banking, all with no overdraft fees, no monthly fees, no minimum balances. You get 5% cash back on the Chime card in a category of your choice, like gas or groceries, all while building credit through regular, everyday spending. And if you're ever in a pinch, SpotMe lets you overdraft up to $200 be free. Look at that. I know, I need that, dog. Uh, right now, you can join the millions that are already banking fee-free with America's number one choice for banking. Head to chime.com/garbage. That's chime.com/garbage. Sign up now, it only takes a few minutes.
40:31 H. Foley? Do it.
40:32 Speaker 04 Chime is a fintech, not a bank. Banking services and Chime Card provided by Chime's bank partners. Qualifying direct deposits required. Terms and limits apply. Go to chime.com/disclosures for details.
40:44 Speaker 05 Now at Kroger, your points add up to more ways to save every trip. Use them your way to take dollars off groceries at checkout or save at the pump. You can even save up to $35 on your next fill-up. Same points, more choices. And with low prices on fresh, quality food, plus digital and personalized offers tailored to how you shop, your dollar goes further. Redeem your points online or in the app. Kroger, fresh for everyone. Restrictions apply, see site or store for details.
41:14 Speaker 02 I went, I, I wanted to get a massage. I was in Astoria. I was in Astoria.
41:18 H. Foley? It's in Chinatown.
41:18 Speaker 02 I was right across the street. If anybody's in Astoria, go across the street from the... There's a, or around the, which is a nice restaurant in this area.
41:26 H. Foley? Are you outing a Jack Shack?
41:28 Speaker 02 Oh. I don't know, maybe I shouldn't do that.
41:30 H. Foley? Yeah, what are you doing? It's goddamn fucking business.
41:33 Speaker 02 It's illegal!
41:35 Speaker 01 They know.
41:35 Speaker 02 Alright. Oh, well, okay, so I went to this place near a place, whatever, we'll cut all that out, but um, I'm gonna send you guys edits.
41:43 Speaker 01 You can find it on Rub Maps.
41:44 Speaker 02 I'm-
41:44 Speaker 01 Yeah.
41:45 Speaker 02 Oh, really?
41:46 Speaker 01 There's apps devoted to this, yeah.
41:47 Speaker 02 Oh, well, whatever.
41:48 Speaker 01 Rub-
41:51 Speaker 02 Hey, and I walked in, and I went up the stairs, I wanted a real massage.
41:55 Speaker 01 That's not a dead giveaway, it's up the stairs.
41:57 Speaker 02 No, I thought there were some places that do that. This is New York City.
42:00 H. Foley? Is this during the day or at night?
42:01 Speaker 02 Oh, it's like-
42:02 Speaker 01 3am!
42:02 Speaker 02 It was like, dude, it was like 12:30 in the afternoon. It was-
42:06 H. Foley? Whoa, you must have been sleepy for the rest of the day.
42:09 Speaker 02 Oh, buddy. I, and I went up the stairs, and I kinda knew immediately, because it was very like, you know, all of the curtains were like bed sheets.
42:20 Speaker 02 And there was a bottle of pills in the lobby, and I was like, I wonder what those pills are. Now I probably know they're like horny goat weed, probably like Vic, uh, um, not Vicodin, uh-
42:29 H. Foley? No shit.
42:30 Speaker 01 Viagra.
42:31 Speaker 02 Viagra, Viagra.
42:31 H. Foley? It's pretty sweet.
42:32 Speaker 02 Yeah, and then some, um, disgusting woman came out, and she was wearing little tiny leopard shorts that was very revealing, and I was like, oh god, I think I'm in a thing. But I go-
42:45 Speaker 01 Can I see your certificate of massage?
42:48 Speaker 02 And then, what really, what really tipped me off is when she jerked me off.
42:54 H. Foley? I got a feeling, wait a minute. Were you completely naked?
42:59 Speaker 02 Yeah, that was another tip too. I mean, she goes, alright, take off all your clothes. And I took off all my clothes, and I was in my boxers, and she went, "Take those off", and I went, "Okay", that's when I was like-
43:09 H. Foley? Did you get naked in front of her?
43:10 Speaker 02 I got naked in front of her, yeah. That was when I was like-
43:14 Speaker 01 I don't think this lady's a doctor.
43:16 Speaker 02 Shit's going down.
43:17 Speaker 01 Let me see your kinesiology degree.
43:19 Speaker 02 Yeah, she walked out, and the real massage person came in and went, "Ready for your massage?", I went, "Who was that lady?!"
43:24 H. Foley? How long, how, did she actually give you a massage?
43:27 Speaker 02 Yeah, but it was like- It was horrible.
43:29 Speaker 01 They just do this, they do this move a lot.
43:31 Speaker 02 Whoa, it was horrible. And I was like, okay, that's another tell, tell sign that this is bad. Then, she was massaging my legs. And I had spoken to a buddy of ours, I think-
43:42 Speaker 01 Hey, don't lump me into this.
43:43 Speaker 02 Yeah, our buddy Ian, who had done this before, kind of addicted to it at one point, I'm pretty sure. Uh, and I asked him, I said-
43:51 Speaker 01 What a rat.
43:52 Speaker 02 He's talked about it.
43:54 H. Foley? You're naming places, you're dropping names.
43:56 Speaker 02 I know, I know.
43:57 H. Foley? This guy's wearing a wire.
43:58 Speaker 02 I know, I'm just excited. Uh, and-
44:01 H. Foley? Thinking of getting them out of here, buddy.
44:03 Speaker 02 Maybe. I go, I go, uh, I go, "How do you know? How do you know they, they wanna jerk you off?" And he goes, he goes, "Well, the, the signal is you lift your butt up a little bit." So while she's doing my legs, she's getting kinda close to my balls over there. Like, now I feel gross. Um, I'll just finish the story. I lifted my butt and she, she was like, she said something. She was like, "You want to do it, baby?" And I went, "Yep." And she went, "Boo." And then I, I gave her like a hundred bucks and I left. I mean-
44:34 H. Foley? Wait, she did it while you were laying on your stomach?
44:36 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah. I mean, she asked me to flip over, but by that time I was just a-
44:40 Speaker 01 Seeing stars, kids.
44:43 H. Foley? Wait, so wait, you just jerked off into the bed?
44:48 Speaker 02 Uh, yeah.
44:50 Speaker 01 I think we call that milking.
44:53 Speaker 02 Yeah, and it got all over my, uh, body. And then, um, she cleaned me up, which felt very nice. Um, dry towel. And, uh-
45:02 Speaker 01 I take twenty back from her.
45:04 Speaker 02 She was pissed with how much I gave her though. Cause I didn't know, I went in with enough money for a real massage. And you're supposed to give her like-
45:11 H. Foley? Eighteen dollars.
45:13 Speaker 01 I thought it was by the minute, I only need fourteen minutes.
45:15 H. Foley? Just my feet.
45:16 Speaker 02 And then I left there and I felt shame for-
45:18 Speaker 01 Yeah.
45:19 Speaker 02 A long, long, long, long time.
45:20 H. Foley? Well, I wouldn't.
45:22 Speaker 02 But now I'm kinda, I'm like, if I wasn't in a relationship, I'm like, I wanna go find another one of those. It's fucking sick. So I'll get a massage, is a classy thing I'll do.
45:31 Speaker 01 No, it's not.
45:34 Speaker 01 You stiffed the woman and you came on yourself. That's not that classy.
45:37 H. Foley? I'll take a Cialis in the middle of the day.
45:39 Speaker 02 I do like going to like a nice steakhouse. I mean, remember we, we went to, were you there? Did I, did I? I know I invited you, but I don't think you went. Were you there? We, for my 30th birthday, I took everybody to Del Frisco's.
45:49 H. Foley? Do you know that was one of the only social things that I've really ever done?
45:53 Speaker 02 Really?
45:54 H. Foley? In, in that regard. I went to, I went to a birthday dinner with Sagalow.
45:57 Speaker 02 Yeah, I wanted, I wanted, I was 30 years old. I wanted to take all my friends.
46:01 H. Foley? That was a big step for me.
46:03 Speaker 02 Great. Big step for me too. I mean, it was really fun. Ian was there.
46:06 Speaker 01 Who picked up the check?
46:07 Speaker 02 I picked up the check. I picked up the check. Yeah.
46:10 Speaker 01 What was that check, if you don't mind me?
46:11 H. Foley? It was a prefix menu?
46:12 Speaker 02 It was like a grand. It was, it was a lot.
46:14 Speaker 01 That's a lot.
46:15 Speaker 02 Yeah.
46:15 H. Foley? I had the two ounce filet.
46:16 Speaker 02 But I was like, get whatever you want. Everybody get steaks. We'll get appetizers. I really wanted to look good for a second. I wanted to feel classy and stuff.
46:24 Speaker 01 That's very nice.
46:25 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah. I, I love picking up the check. I can't do it, but I love doing it. And I like picking it up and I roll it up and I throw it in the trash.
46:32 Speaker 01 I like picking it up and handing it to someone else. Alright, that's very good. Uh, do you put your hand on the wall when, sorry, do you put your hand on the wall when you're painted a urinal?
46:41 Speaker 02 No, no, because I, I, I must, I don't like touching the bathroom at all.
46:46 H. Foley? What are you sleeping in? Just boxers?
46:48 Speaker 02 Naked.
46:49 H. Foley? You sleep naked?
46:50 Speaker 02 I sleep naked. Is that weird? I mean, my girlfriend said it's weird. She's like, normal people don't sleep naked. And I was like, wha-
46:56 H. Foley? When she sleeps over, you sleep naked?
46:58 Speaker 02 She li- we live together.
46:59 H. Foley? She doesn't sleep naked?
47:00 Speaker 02 No, she, no, she, she-
47:02 H. Foley? She's fully clothed and you're naked?
47:03 Speaker 02 She's wearing jeans and a vest.
47:05 Speaker 01 Fully clothed is an odd choice, but yeah.
47:08 Speaker 02 She's wearing a full Disney mascot outfit.
47:10 H. Foley? That is a little weird then.
47:12 Speaker 02 No, she wears a shirt.
47:13 Speaker 01 No, he's saying for you.
47:14 H. Foley? Yeah.
47:15 Speaker 02 For me?
47:15 H. Foley? No, not her.
47:16 Speaker 02 Why is it weird that I sleep naked?
47:18 H. Foley? She wears a shirt and underwear? Not to be too- Okay, alright, I'll give you that.
47:21 Speaker 01 Did you sleep naked on the road?
47:22 Speaker 02 Yeah. Yeah, I take all my clothes off and I get in.
47:25 H. Foley? So the hotel catches on fire. You're, you're-
47:27 Speaker 02 I'm fucked. I'm fucked. I'm like, yeah, I'm, I'm, I have to be out there holding my tiny dick in my hand, standing outside. Yeah, I lo- I, I just like it. I don't understand why people don't sleep naked.
47:37 Speaker 01 Yeah.
47:37 Speaker 02 We're animals.
47:38 H. Foley? Sags.
47:40 Speaker 02 Yeah, there you go. What are you sleeping, fucking a big hat? And, uh, pajamas? Boy, what day is today? Uh... Spirit! I'm- Spirit, do we have a podcast today?
47:54 H. Foley? You are a Benezer Scrooge.
47:56 Speaker 02 You go, "Well, if they'd rather die..."
47:57 H. Foley? In a good way.
47:58 Speaker 02 Yeah.
47:59 Speaker 01 Yeah, thanks.
48:01 Speaker 02 You go, "We have to pay-"
48:01 H. Foley? Guy got a lot of pussy.
48:02 Speaker 02 We gotta pay our team. Someone'd rather die than, than work on Christmas. You go, "Well, if they'd rather die, then they better do it." And deplete the surplus population. We have Dance Soda coming in.
48:13 H. Foley? Okay, kid likes musicals.
48:15 Speaker 02 I love, uh, I love that, that movie specifically, too.
48:19 H. Foley? Which one?
48:19 Speaker 02 Every Christmas, I watch the Scrooge movie.
48:21 H. Foley? With who?
48:22 Speaker 02 The Jim Carrey one is really good.
48:24 H. Foley? Okay.
48:24 Speaker 02 It's really good.
48:25 H. Foley? Yeah, I'm a, I'm a big Christmas Carol fan.
48:26 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah.
48:27 H. Foley? He's actually in a production of Christmas Carol.
48:28 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah? Would you play the fucking, uh, place where he works?
48:33 H. Foley? That was mean. Uncreative.
48:37 Speaker 02 Yeah, I didn't even know what it was called. Would you play in the-
48:40 Speaker 01 Would you play a building?
48:41 Speaker 02 Would you play, "What are the buildings out there? Hey, you know what I'm talking about."
48:44 H. Foley? I was Tiny Tin.
48:45 Speaker 02 You're Tiny Tin.
48:48 Speaker 01 It's one of those mob nicknames, it's the opposite. Hey, what's up, Slim?
48:51 Speaker 02 Yeah, you go, "The first time Tiny Tin's dying of gout in the play."
48:54 Speaker 01 God bless us, this is all we got?
48:57 Speaker 02 God bless us, everybody.
49:00 H. Foley? Play Topper.
49:02 Speaker 02 Who's Topper?
49:02 Speaker 01 The guy who blows everybody.
49:05 Speaker 01 Backstage.
49:09 Speaker 01 "Oh, what's up, this is my boy Topper, he'll meet you outside."
49:16 Speaker 02 That rules.
49:18 Speaker 01 Ha!
49:19 H. Foley? I was like Scrooge's nephew or something. I was a fucking, I was a bum.
49:23 Speaker 01 Still are.
49:24 H. Foley? Small, small role.
49:25 Speaker 01 Small potato.
49:27 Speaker 02 That's awesome.
49:28 Speaker 01 This guy's a day player, he's at the YMCA.
49:30 Speaker 02 You're a great actor, though.
49:32 H. Foley? Thanks, pal.
49:33 Speaker 02 You're a good actor.
49:34 H. Foley? Thank you.
49:34 Speaker 01 Very talented man.
49:36 H. Foley? Oh, whatever, don't start that now.
49:38 Speaker 01 What do you mean?
49:39 Speaker 02 Don't start that now, don't try to win me back.
49:43 Speaker 01 You dickhead. Um, okay.
49:48 Speaker 01 Have you ever done one of those punching bag machines at like a bar or a carnival?
49:53 Speaker 02 Yes, of course.
49:55 Speaker 01 He probably got one at your apartment.
49:56 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's called my girlfriend. I go, "How hard did I hit ya?" She goes, "It's like a 900."
50:03 Speaker 01 Someone's been there.
50:05 Speaker 02 Here's your spider ring.
50:07 Speaker 02 I do, but I'm not like a big fan of those. Like, I don't really care about those.
50:11 Speaker 01 You're not like a macho guy. That's like tough guy shit.
50:13 Speaker 02 Yeah, that's tough guy shit. I don't need that to know that I'm tough.
50:17 Speaker 01 I needed to find out that I'm not that tough.
50:18 Speaker 02 Yeah, I don't want to know the answer.
50:20 Speaker 01 I don't want everybody on the boardwalk to know I'm a huge pussy.
50:23 Speaker 02 It's like when you go to a gas station, you see what the last person put in. It was like five bucks. No, I don't like those. I like video games. I like playing like, uh, like I love pinball and I love like fighting games and shit.
50:35 H. Foley? What does a vacation look like for Sag Daddy?
50:37 Speaker 02 At this point, any vacation I'm going on is because I'm working the weekend there.
50:42 H. Foley? I'm with you.
50:42 Speaker 02 You know what I mean? I'm going to like Aruba or a ski resort and then I have to do an hour that night.
50:47 H. Foley? You've done the Aruba show?
50:48 Speaker 02 Not yet. I would like to though. But that was just a good example of-
50:52 Speaker 01 You submitted my tape.
50:56 Speaker 01 Have you done a ski-
50:56 Speaker 02 He's not answering my emails!
50:59 Speaker 01 Have you done a ski resort?
51:00 Speaker 02 I did a ski resort a couple of months ago, yeah.
51:02 H. Foley? Can you ski?
51:03 Speaker 02 I snowboard and I, I'm very-
51:05 Speaker 01 In jeans?
51:06 Speaker 02 I'm not very good at it. Yeah, I'm like, I'm like going down sideways. Yeah, I'm going down with the, yeah, it's going like this.
51:13 Speaker 01 On your heels the whole time?
51:14 Speaker 02 Yeah, and, um-
51:15 Speaker 01 Slow down! Everybody's yelling at everybody.
51:17 Speaker 02 Yeah, my girlfriend Caroline, she was like, she's like, "I'm just gonna," she's like, "I'm just gonna go to the top." She's like a huge skier, her family skis. She's like, "Shh, shh, shh." So she was like, "I'm just gonna leave you." And I, I was like, "Okay." And I'm like going down. I'm like, you know, that's all I'll do. But then I had to do an hour for these people.
51:33 Speaker 01 Did it go well? Was it in the ski lodge?
51:36 Speaker 02 It's on the slopes. Uh, it was in one of the resorts, one of the hotels.
51:40 Speaker 01 Okay.
51:40 H. Foley? She got to go too? Free weekend for her?
51:42 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, she's a comic, so she was just open for me.
51:44 H. Foley? There you go.
51:45 Speaker 02 Yeah, there you go.
51:47 H. Foley? You guys, you guys tour together now?
51:49 Speaker 02 Sometimes. So, I'm not really at a place where I can bring fucking my own openers.
51:53 H. Foley? I got you.
51:54 Speaker 02 But I want to.
51:54 H. Foley? But that's fun.
51:55 Speaker 02 You know, these locals, Jesus Christ.
51:59 Speaker 01 Talk about Abernathy, what was her name?
52:05 Speaker 02 Aberdeen, yeah, so.
52:07 Speaker 01 Do you remember any of your AOL screen names?
52:09 Speaker 02 Yes, my first one was HotDog964, because I love, I love the hot dog. Then I was, uh, then what was I was like, I was like CoolGuy69 or something. Ironically, it was supposed to be ironic. And then the one that I just had forever.
52:27 Speaker 01 You're like 10 at this point.
52:28 Speaker 02 Yeah, the one that I had for, that stayed until, you know, it died was XPyro44X.
52:34 Speaker 01 X, the, the bookend X was big.
52:37 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I, because I wanted everyone to call me Pyro. That was my, that was the nickname I wanted.
52:42 Speaker 01 Were you a Haitian gang member? What's up, that's Pyro!
52:47 Speaker 02 Hey, that's Pyro, well, actually, so I went to a camp.
52:49 H. Foley? You get the diamonds tomorrow.
52:51 Speaker 02 I went to, uh, this camp called Camp Tioga, which is in.
52:55 Speaker 01 Where all the Haitians go.
52:56 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah, and, uh, everybody had, you know, everybody had nicknames there and I wanted a nickname and I wanted everybody to call me Pyro. You know, you got these shirts, but that said Camp Tioga on it, everybody put their nickname on the back. I wrote Pyro on every single one of my, um, shirts. And then about a week later, this new kid came to camp and everyone's like, what's your name, man? He was like, call me Pyro, and everyone called him Pyro.
53:21 Speaker 01 This is like T-Bone from fucking Seinfeld.
53:23 Speaker 02 Yeah, everybody called him Pyro, so I just had all these like, you know, my nickname was stolen from me essentially. And he was like such a cooler kid, everybody loved him.
53:30 Speaker 01 Did you like have lighters and stuff out to be like, I'm Pyro?
53:33 Speaker 02 No, no, no, I just said, I just told, uh, maybe, maybe, I don't know, he might have had a, I don't know.
53:39 H. Foley? You gotta live in the gimmick.
53:40 Speaker 02 He was an older kid, so, he was a cooler kid, he was older.
53:43 Speaker 01 Was it Pyro P-Y-R-O?
53:45 Speaker 02 P-Y-R-O, yeah, yeah, yeah.
53:46 H. Foley? You're not just saying, call me Pyro?
53:48 Speaker 02 I know, it's, it's, it's not cool for either of us.
53:50 H. Foley? I guess I tell people, call me H-Foley.
53:54 Speaker 01 He was, he was nine, you're 10, you're 15.
53:57 H. Foley? Call me H, what's up?
54:00 Speaker 02 Yeah, so I got my nickname stolen from me, unfortunately.
54:05 Speaker 01 What were the nick-
54:05 Speaker 02 And I never asked for a nickname again. I wanted to be called Bull for a second.
54:09 Speaker 01 Bull?
54:10 Speaker 02 Bull, I wrote a, cuz my initials are BS. So, I was like, I was trying to own it because everybody would call me like bullshit and all that stuff.
54:17 Speaker 01 Stop, Bull.
54:18 Speaker 02 All the kids would be like bullshit, huh huh. So I was like, I'll be Bull. And I, I got, I went to one of those kiosks in the mall that made hats and they, I bought a hat-
54:28 Speaker 01 Airbrushed?
54:28 Speaker 02 Had them, not airbrushed, but they did the, uh, like sewing, embroidered, yeah. Yeah, and it said Bull with one L. I thought that was cool. And I was getting super into hip hop at the time, so I was like, that'll be my rap name.
54:41 Speaker 01 MC Bull.
54:42 Speaker 02 MC Bull, yeah. MC Bull with one L.
54:45 H. Foley? How's that going?
54:46 Speaker 02 Didn't stick.
54:52 Speaker 02 Sagal. This is nuts.
54:55 Speaker 01 My last one that's, my last screen name that stuck was Spitfire542.
54:59 Speaker 02 Oh, like the skateboarding company? Yeah, that's a good one, Spitfire. What was yours? Did you have, uh, no, you were, you were, you were already in college when that came out.
55:07 H. Foley? Yeah, I don't, I think I was probably out of college.
55:10 Speaker 01 Nah, yeah.
55:11 H. Foley? Ninety, I would've graduated college in 98. I left in 96.
55:16 Speaker 02 Damn, dude.
55:18 Speaker 01 Dude, the concern on his-
55:19 Speaker 02 That's crazy, bro.
55:20 H. Foley? I finished early.
55:20 Speaker 02 Yeah, you were out of college during like screen names and stuff.
55:23 H. Foley? I finished, I did college in two years.
55:26 Speaker 02 Wha- what, two years?
55:28 H. Foley? Yeah.
55:29 Speaker 02 Did you get a degree or?
55:30 H. Foley? Yeah.
55:31 Speaker 02 What? What, what college was it, fucking baking college or something? What kinda college was it? Was it a dog school? Fuck you. I'm just, I can't think of anything.
55:41 Speaker 01 Good one, Pyro.
55:43 Speaker 01 Man, Pyro's got burned by Pyro. Hey, play with the fire, you're gonna get burned.
55:48 H. Foley? Sags. Nah, I fucking flunked out.
55:51 Speaker 02 Oh. I went to three colleges.
55:56 H. Foley? Any degree?
55:57 Speaker 02 Uh, yeah, I, I graduated with a bachelor's in communications from, uh, Pace University.
56:05 Speaker 01 Oh, not bad.
56:06 Speaker 02 And I was on the dean's-
56:07 H. Foley? Hell of a squad this year.
56:11 Speaker 02 I was at, I also, I was on the dean's list at Nassau Community College.
56:15 H. Foley? Get the fuck out of here.
56:17 Speaker 02 You better believe it.
56:17 H. Foley? Wow.
56:18 Speaker 02 I'm a good student.
56:19 H. Foley? You and a guy that got hit by a bus.
56:22 Speaker 01 I don't know, my joke was gonna be you and Air Bud, I didn't understand the joke, but I just figured I'd say it. You and some dog. That's, that's what came in my head. It was like you and a dog who could like turn the fan on or something.
56:35 H. Foley? You and the squirrel that can surf.
56:38 Speaker 01 We can't get our references together.
56:40 H. Foley? Sagalow.
56:41 Speaker 02 Yeah.
56:41 H. Foley? Kevin, if you mind, if you don't mind, I would like to ask Sagalow the hamburger question.
56:46 Speaker 01 Please.
56:47 Speaker 02 Hit me.
56:47 H. Foley? Hamburg!
56:49 Speaker 02 Okay.
56:49 H. Foley? Number one, leading to it, how do you get your hamburger cooked?
56:52 Speaker 02 Medium rare.
56:53 H. Foley? Gentleman. Gentleman? Agreed?
56:55 Speaker 01 Will McDonald's do that?
56:58 H. Foley? They should. They really should.
57:00 Speaker 02 They should, yeah, yeah.
57:01 H. Foley? I don't know why they don't.
57:02 Speaker 02 Medium rare.
57:03 H. Foley? They get some of the best quality meat out of anybody, because they order so much.
57:07 Speaker 02 Quality?
57:07 H. Foley? Yes! Yes! Google it. The quality of meat at McDonald's.
57:13 Speaker 02 Aren't there burgers like?
57:14 H. Foley? No, that's all fucking bullshit. Get out of here with that. That's all Chinese propaganda, man.
57:22 Speaker 02 Yeah, I lo-, I mean, I'm, I'll still eat it. I don't care. Yeah, I get it, medium rare.
57:26 H. Foley? You go to a nice place, though. You go to like the Smiths.
57:29 Speaker 02 Uh, Smiths, okay. They gave me attitude once, so I hate them forever.
57:33 Speaker 01 Sir, you have to put a shirt on.
57:36 H. Foley? Sir, I'm not calling you pyro.
57:38 Speaker 01 Well, we're a big Smith family.
57:38 Speaker 02 If you're gonna put your feet up, wear shoes.
57:41 Speaker 01 What was, what was the beef there at the Smiths?
57:42 Speaker 02 I don't know, they gave me attitude, like, some sort of like, at the, the, the lady at the host stand, like, was, gave me something. I just remember being like, fuck her, man.
57:51 Speaker 01 Pyro, party of two.
57:55 H. Foley? Or bull.
57:56 Speaker 02 MC Bull, MC Bull.
57:58 H. Foley? Watch this. Luke, hit me.
58:01 Speaker 03 McDonald's meat quality is rigorously controlled and meets high safety standards, but it's classified as standard mass-produced commercial beef rather than premium or gourmet.
58:09 Speaker 02 Damn, fuck.
58:10 H. Foley? Foley's a company man.
58:12 Speaker 03 I don't think you want high safety standards for your beef.
58:14 Speaker 01 That's it, dude, if you have to run high safety standards, make sure there's not like thumbtacks in there.
58:19 Speaker 02 Yeah.
58:19 H. Foley? Well, those are good.
58:20 Speaker 01 Also, man, you are part of the propaganda machine. How much are you getting on the back end?
58:24 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
58:26 Speaker 01 Check my website, go to hroly.com, it just says, McDonald's, good. Okay, forget about the Smiths.
58:31 Speaker 02 Promo code Grimace.
58:32 Speaker 01 All right, forget about that.
58:34 H. Foley? Check Wendy's, I mean, they got it.
58:36 Speaker 02 Wendy's rules.
58:37 H. Foley? You go to a nice, you go to, you got a nice burger from a place.
58:41 Speaker 02 Yeah.
58:41 H. Foley? Like a, like a gastropub.
58:43 Speaker 02 Okay.
58:44 H. Foley? Okay? It's a nice burger. Take a bite of the burger. Okay?
58:49 Speaker 02 My mouth is watering.
58:51 H. Foley? Do you put the burger back on the plate upside down?
58:54 Speaker 02 What?
58:55 H. Foley? Okay, or do you put it normal side down?
58:58 Speaker 02 Normal side, what do you mean upside down?
59:00 Speaker 01 So the, the, this, it tends to be a, when it's like a brioche bun typically.
59:04 H. Foley? Brioche.
59:05 Speaker 01 The top of the bun is heavier and more dense.
59:07 Speaker 02 Sure.
59:08 Speaker 01 Than the bottom of the bun, sometimes it's like a little sliver.
59:10 Speaker 02 Sure.
59:10 Speaker 01 And these are juicy burgers.
59:12 H. Foley? Juicy burgers.
59:13 Speaker 01 High quality meat.
59:14 H. Foley? I'm talking about White Castle.
59:15 Speaker 02 I mean, I'm gonna do that because it, it does sound like a good idea.
59:18 Speaker 01 The idea is it absorbs the, it kinda, so it, the bottom doesn't compromise the structure.
59:25 Speaker 02 Anytime food that I'm eating is getting absorbed by itself, it makes me feel fatter.
59:29 Speaker 01 Yeah.
59:29 Speaker 02 Makes me feel like I'm like dipping in it itself, you know what I mean? But I will do that because that's a great idea.
59:34 Speaker 01 Yeah, you kinda go, it doesn't work all the time, but you know.
59:37 Speaker 02 And I'm a burger guy, like I love burgers.
59:39 Speaker 01 Don't get me wrong.
59:40 Speaker 02 Hey, don't get me wrong.
59:40 Speaker 01 I was actually, one of my nicknames for a day in high school.
59:43 Speaker 02 MC Burger.
59:45 H. Foley? Burger's a good nickname.
59:46 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah.
59:46 H. Foley? Is that Burger?
59:47 Speaker 01 No, anything after a fast food.
59:49 Speaker 02 Yeah, no, no, no.
59:50 H. Foley? I would take Burger.
59:52 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, I bet, yeah, a couple of them.
59:56 H. Foley? Alright, enough of that.
59:58 Speaker 01 Your new nickname's Topper.
59:59 H. Foley? But you failed that test.
1:00:00 Speaker 02 Oh, I'm sorry, but I, I will do it from now on.
1:00:04 H. Foley? Do you have a family group chat?
1:00:06 Speaker 02 I do, yeah.
1:00:07 Speaker 01 Are all the members in there?
1:00:08 Speaker 02 Um, we have my, my current family, which is, you know.
1:00:13 Speaker 01 I've never heard that term.
1:00:15 Speaker 02 It's my mom, my dad, and my sister, all in one chat, but then we, then we have a big one with all of the relatives and stuff.
1:00:21 H. Foley? I thought your mom and dad were, were separated or divorced.
1:00:23 Speaker 02 They are, but they still talk.
1:00:24 Speaker 01 For just family communication.
1:00:25 Speaker 02 For family communication.
1:00:26 Speaker 01 That's good, that's good.
1:00:27 Speaker 02 For like, you know, Easter and stuff, where, you know, we still like egg hunt and shit like that, so they, they ask me to, uh, come out and stuff.
1:00:34 Speaker 01 What do you mean you egg hunt?
1:00:36 Speaker 02 Every year, me and my sister, my sister is three years older than me.
1:00:39 Speaker 01 Oh, Jesus Christ.
1:00:40 H. Foley? Easter egg hunt?
1:00:41 Speaker 02 Yeah, we still Easter egg hunt, yeah.
1:00:43 H. Foley? At your house?
1:00:44 Speaker 02 At my house, yeah, my mom's house, yeah.
1:00:46 Speaker 01 Is your mom's house the house you grew up in, right?
1:00:48 Speaker 02 Yeah. In Long Island, yeah.
1:00:49 Speaker 01 And who will hide them?
1:00:51 Speaker 02 My dad.
1:00:52 H. Foley? He'll come over to the house he no longer lives in and hide them in the backyard.
1:00:55 Speaker 02 In the backyard. He hides them throughout the
1:00:58 Speaker 01 House.
1:00:59 H. Foley? You do them in the house?
1:01:00 Speaker 02 We do them in the house and uh
1:01:02 H. Foley? Oh my god.
1:01:02 Speaker 02 I tried to back out of this.
1:01:03 Speaker 01 He's got the brain of an eight year old.
1:01:05 Speaker 02 I tried, no, I tried to back out of this. I said to my family, I was like, I don't want to do this anymore. And uh, it was a whole thing. And my mom was like, it's the only thing your dad ever asks you for. And I'm like, okay.
1:01:16 H. Foley? Why does he, your dad loves this?
1:01:17 Speaker 02 He loves it and he films us and we're walking around as two almost forty year olds uh
1:01:24 H. Foley? What is, are they hard, does he hard them in hide places?
1:01:26 Speaker 02 Yeah, sometimes it's really hard.
1:01:28 H. Foley? Does one of them have some money in it?
1:01:30 Speaker 01 He's going, getting warmer.
1:01:31 Speaker 02 Uh, they do have money in it.
1:01:32 Speaker 01 On MetroCard?
1:01:33 Speaker 02 Some of them have quarters in it.
1:01:35 H. Foley? Quarters?
1:01:36 Speaker 02 Quarters. And then some of them have like twenties in it. So like the darker the egg, the more expensive.
1:01:42 Speaker 01 The sweeter the juice.
1:01:46 Speaker 01 Aphoretic.
1:01:47 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:01:49 H. Foley? He doesn't um, your dad doesn't, he didn't get remarried, did he?
1:01:53 Speaker 02 He did.
1:01:54 H. Foley? Does he have kids with his new wife?
1:01:55 Speaker 02 She has kids.
1:01:57 Speaker 01 Do they come over?
1:01:58 Speaker 02 No. I actually just met one of them recently.
1:02:00 H. Foley? What?
1:02:01 Speaker 02 Yeah, we, we don't really, we're not really close like that. Like I don't, I'm not, not with his family. I don't, I don't like, well, I met him because I went to his
1:02:08 Speaker 01 He's backpedaling a lot.
1:02:09 H. Foley? How old, how old is this kid?
1:02:11 Speaker 01 Sure, no, of course.
1:02:12 Speaker 02 Twenty seven. He's twenty seven, yeah.
1:02:14 H. Foley? So he's like you?
1:02:16 Speaker 02 I know, I know. And I really should be close with him, but we don't really have anything in common.
1:02:20 Speaker 01 Are you tight with your stepmom? Do you have a relationship?
1:02:23 Speaker 02 She's nice, yeah, she's nice. She's nice.
1:02:24 H. Foley? Will you go over there for dinner and stuff like that?
1:02:26 Speaker 02 They live in Florida.
1:02:27 H. Foley? Your dad lives in Florida now?
1:02:28 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:02:29 H. Foley? Your dad comes up here?
1:02:30 Speaker 01 Easter egg hunt?
1:02:31 Speaker 02 He flies.
1:02:32 Speaker 01 Yeah, you bring the eggs with him?
1:02:33 Speaker 02 I think he puts it on his cr, his business card too, so.
1:02:36 H. Foley? Really?
1:02:37 Speaker 02 He, yeah, he, he
1:02:38 Speaker 01 Man, you're ratting everybody out.
1:02:39 Speaker 02 No, he does, he does. I was trying to get a joke. Uh, uh, no, yeah, he'll fly up to do an Easter egg hunt with us. And then we'll get like Chinese or something.
1:02:49 Speaker 01 And it's just the four of you?
1:02:51 Speaker 02 Uh, yeah, yeah. I mean, my mom's-
1:02:52 Speaker 01 Man, talk about holding on to the glory days.
1:02:54 H. Foley? Hold on, on Easter?
1:02:55 Speaker 02 It's brutal, yeah. My therapist will be like, "You're off to tell him you can't, you don't wanna do it anymore." And I'm like, "I tried, man."
1:03:01 H. Foley? Well, you should do it. It's fun. It's for your dad.
1:03:02 Speaker 02 I know. I'm like, I'm like, whatever. It's, it's for him.
1:03:04 H. Foley? You get Chinese food on Easter?
1:03:06 Speaker 02 I think so, yeah. La- this year we did.
1:03:08 H. Foley? That might be the most garbage thing.
1:03:12 Speaker 01 They're Jewish.
1:03:12 H. Foley? No, he's not.
1:03:13 Speaker 02 My dad is Jewish, yeah. I'm half Jewish, yeah. Just not-
1:03:17 H. Foley? It's Easter!
1:03:18 Speaker 01 He's half Jewish!
1:03:19 H. Foley? It doesn't matter. He's celebrating Easter.
1:03:22 Speaker 02 Chinese food on Christmas is a, is a Jewish thing.
1:03:25 H. Foley? A hundred percent. Love it. Very, always been very jealous.
1:03:28 Speaker 02 Easter, we should be going to like, a nice restaurant.
1:03:30 H. Foley? Go out, it doesn't matter. Yeah, yeah, go have Peking duck somewhere. Go sit down.
1:03:34 Speaker 02 No, my family loves fucking Chinese food. So we'll get it on Easter, the way Jesus wanted.
1:03:40 H. Foley? What does that Sagal order look like? It's gotta be a couple hundred bucks of Chinese food.
1:03:45 Speaker 02 I don't know. I don't pay for it. That's all on fucking, uh, daddy-
1:03:48 H. Foley? What do you, what-
1:03:48 Speaker 02 The bunny rabbit.
1:03:49 H. Foley? Wait, and the four, and the four you sit down as a divorced family in your mom's house and have a Chinese feast?
1:03:56 Speaker 02 Well, we go out to a restaurant.
1:03:57 H. Foley? Oh, no, that's different.
1:03:58 Speaker 02 We'll go to a restaurant, we'll eat Chinese.
1:04:00 H. Foley? Oh, that's a nice Chinese restaurant.
1:04:02 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah.
1:04:03 H. Foley? Oh, that's completely different.
1:04:04 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And well, uh, I mean, nice, a nice Chinese restaurant is still like, what? Like, that's not that great.
1:04:09 H. Foley? I love them, though.
1:04:10 Speaker 02 Yeah, they are nice.
1:04:11 H. Foley? I know.
1:04:12 Speaker 02 And, uh, yeah, we, we, they, they still are in contact and stuff. I mean, my, my, my therapist is like, "It's weird." And I'm like, "Is it weird?" He's like, "Yeah, your, your family's like, trying to keep itself together."
1:04:22 H. Foley? I like that.
1:04:23 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:04:24 H. Foley? Man.
1:04:25 Speaker 01 I mean, yeah, he could write a book on that day alone. That's crazy.
1:04:30 H. Foley? Is your bed on the floor?
1:04:32 Speaker 02 My current bed? No, no.
1:04:34 Speaker 01 You live with the girl.
1:04:35 Speaker 02 I live, yeah, well, I, I'm, I'm, hey, I'm, as, as trashy as I am, I still like a bed above the floor. Like, I like, I like, I like my place clean.
1:04:44 Speaker 01 Yeah, nobody likes it on the floor. It's, it's due to circumstance.
1:04:47 Speaker 02 I know, yeah, it's hard to get up. You ever wake up in the morning and you're like-
1:04:50 Speaker 01 Ugh, fuck!
1:04:51 Speaker 02 Head to a sit-up? But I like, I'm a clean freak. I like, I like organization in my apartment. I like it all clean and, and places and things put, and every year I'll do a, a, like a, I'll clean. I'll, like, I'll do a, a-
1:05:03 H. Foley? Clean freak usually clean more than once a year.
1:05:05 Speaker 02 No, but I'll like, I'll like-
1:05:07 Speaker 01 I'm a bit of a wacko. I run the vacuum every year, January 1st.
1:05:11 Speaker 02 Yeah, I let the Roomba just go crazy.
1:05:14 H. Foley? Do you have a Roomba?
1:05:15 Speaker 02 No, no, no, I don't have enough room for a Roomba.
1:05:19 Speaker 02 That'd be like getting a dog in, in a New York apartment.
1:05:21 H. Foley? Do you have a dishwasher?
1:05:22 Speaker 02 I would have to put the Roomba out, out back to get its energy out.
1:05:28 H. Foley? Oh, look at him go!
1:05:29 H. Foley? You got a chain though. Look at him run!
1:05:32 Speaker 02 Uh, what were you asking? Do I have a dishwasher?
1:05:34 H. Foley? Yeah.
1:05:35 Speaker 02 Uh, no, no, it's, I'm the dishwasher.
1:05:38 H. Foley? Okay.
1:05:39 Speaker 01 Do you enjoy the, uh, movie Four Brothers?
1:05:43 Speaker 02 Yeah, except when what's-his-name gets shot. I don't like that.
1:05:46 Speaker 01 Who?
1:05:47 Speaker 02 The-
1:05:47 Speaker 01 Jack?
1:05:47 Speaker 02 The white kid?
1:05:48 H. Foley? I didn't see it yet!
1:05:51 Speaker 01 Cracker Jack?
1:05:51 Speaker 02 No, yeah.
1:05:52 H. Foley? In the late 90s, early 2000s, did you enjoy a CBS show entitled Becker?
1:06:00 Speaker 02 No, I don't even know what that is.
1:06:02 Speaker 01 What's Becker? A man of his, his stature wouldn't know that.
1:06:07 H. Foley? Do you like cottage cheese?
1:06:08 Speaker 02 No.
1:06:10 Speaker 02 I don't like cottage cheese at all.
1:06:13 Speaker 02 I'm more of an American cheese kinda guy. And I'll, you know, I'll, sometimes if, I don't do this anymore, but I used to love having the, you get the American cheese and just go down to the fridge, shh, open it up, throw a cheese in there.
1:06:25 Speaker 01 Like the pre, like the Kraft Singles or like you'd go to the deli and get a slice?
1:06:30 Speaker 02 No, the Kraft Singles.
1:06:31 H. Foley? You mean you love taking a slice of cheese out of the fridge?
1:06:33 Speaker 02 Yeah, and eating it, yeah.
1:06:34 H. Foley? You're not the first one I've heard say that.
1:06:36 Speaker 02 It, it's great, it's great. It's how I get my pills.
1:06:40 Speaker 01 It's real dog shit.
1:06:42 H. Foley? Trying to give the Roomba pills?
1:06:45 Speaker 01 Keep spitting them out.
1:06:48 H. Foley? Have you ever had your belly button pierced?
1:06:49 Speaker 02 No, no, that's crazy.
1:06:52 Speaker 01 What'd you, what'd you call the remote growing up?
1:06:54 Speaker 02 Um, we would call it the remote, but I knew some people that would call it the clicker.
1:06:58 Speaker 01 Clicker, okay.
1:06:58 Speaker 02 The clicker, yeah.
1:07:00 H. Foley? That's good.
1:07:00 Speaker 01 Have you ever named a pet in a voicemail? Like you've reached Brendan, Megan, and Daisy.
1:07:06 H. Foley? And Ruffles.
1:07:07 Speaker 02 No, no, cuz I, no, I never did the voicemails when I, yeah, no. And I've always had a cellphone, so it was always-
1:07:13 Speaker 01 Did you ever have any ringback tones?
1:07:14 Speaker 02 Yeah, I did.
1:07:15 Speaker 01 What'd you have?
1:07:16 Speaker 02 I had, um, I-
1:07:17 Speaker 01 Now, was this your ringtone, or when I called you?
1:07:20 Speaker 02 When you called me-
1:07:21 Speaker 01 Chingy would play.
1:07:22 Speaker 02 I think Chingy would play. And it'd be like, hotel, the hotel, you know, whatever, what song is that?
1:07:27 Speaker 01 You got keys to the hotel, that one?
1:07:28 Speaker 02 No, no, no, what's the Chingy one with Snoop Dogg and the, the hotel, uh, fuck, what's that called? I don't know, but that was it.
1:07:35 Speaker 01 See if you can find Chingy?
1:07:36 Speaker 02 Or, uh, or like a Sum 41 song, or something like that.
1:07:39 H. Foley? You ever listen to Taking Back Sunday?
1:07:41 Speaker 02 Hell yeah, they're from Long Island.
1:07:43 Speaker 01 Holiday Inn.
1:07:43 Speaker 02 The Holiday Inn.
1:07:44 Speaker 01 At the Holiday Inn. A twelve pack of Corona and some highs.
1:07:49 Speaker 02 And then I go, hello?
1:07:50 Speaker 01 What's up?
1:07:51 Speaker 02 Sorry, it's so loud at the mall right now, what's up?
1:07:53 Speaker 01 What's up, you got Bull?
1:07:55 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah, this is Bull, go bet, one, and I'd hang up and I'd go, one. And I'd turn-
1:08:01 H. Foley? Have you ever tagged anything or graffitied?
1:08:03 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:08:03 Speaker 01 This week?
1:08:04 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:08:05 Speaker 01 Go check the bathroom.
1:08:06 Speaker 02 One of the reasons I stopped drinking was because I got fucking hammered, and I was, uh, and I found spray ca- spray paint, and I just started spraying the ground, spraying walls and shit.
1:08:17 Speaker 01 Where?
1:08:18 Speaker 02 Uh, I don't really wanna say.
1:08:20 Speaker 01 Yeah, sure.
1:08:21 Speaker 02 It might incriminate me a little bit. But yeah.
1:08:23 H. Foley? You ratted everybody else out.
1:08:26 Speaker 01 Really, mum's the word when it comes to his own pride.
1:08:28 H. Foley? I see how it is. Fucking state's evidence over here, you wit sack. Is your name really Brendan, or what?
1:08:35 Speaker 01 Burger, Burger Sagalow.
1:08:40 Speaker 01 I mean, you know, uh.
1:08:42 H. Foley? Man, what a, what a ride.
1:08:45 Speaker 01 What, what kind of luggage do you have?
1:08:47 Speaker 02 I have a, um.
1:08:48 H. Foley? Trash bag?
1:08:50 Speaker 01 It's a.
1:08:51 Speaker 02 It's a, it's a bandana on a stick. I know, I have a.
1:08:54 Speaker 01 You have name brand luggage?
1:08:55 Speaker 02 I have, yeah, I think so. I mean, I don't know. I, I, my, my, one of my girlfriends. One of my girlfriends got it for me when I, like, years and years ago, and I still use it. It's all torn up and stickers are put on it. I accidentally, I was, I was in LaGuardia and I was on.
1:09:09 Speaker 01 Just hanging out.
1:09:10 Speaker 02 I was just hanging, you know, that's where I sleep sometimes. And I was at the top of the escalator and, uh, I let go of the luggage for a second.
1:09:18 H. Foley? Oh my god.
1:09:20 Speaker 02 And just went down the escalator and it's destroyed. It's like, but still works, like, still zips up and stuff, so I still use it. No, thank god.
1:09:28 H. Foley? I always worry about that.
1:09:28 Speaker 02 I know. I'm like, uh, if anybody, they would have been, pow, fell right to the ground. So, no.
1:09:35 Speaker 01 I mean, when was the last, I gotta just, my, when was the last time you played laser tag?
1:09:40 Speaker 02 Um, it was a while ago, but it was an option recently. We, I, I was hanging out with, uh, my girlfriend and her brothers. And we were like, she has younger brothers, and we were like, should we laser tag? But instead, we went on that thing where you like climb it and like, you, you gotta harness and you're like clicked to a thing.
1:09:57 Speaker 01 What are you climbing? Was this in a mall?
1:09:59 Speaker 02 Uh.
1:10:00 Speaker 01 Talking about Urban Air? Was this in a West Nyack mall?
1:10:03 Speaker 02 No, no, no. It was in Virginia somewhere. But you would like walk around on like ropes and stuff. It was like a jungle gym.
1:10:09 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:10:09 Speaker 02 And, uh, so that's what we did.
1:10:11 H. Foley? This is recently?
1:10:11 Speaker 02 And, and mini putt, yeah.
1:10:13 H. Foley? In Virginia?
1:10:14 Speaker 02 In Virginia, yeah.
1:10:14 H. Foley? What were you doing down there? Shows?
1:10:16 Speaker 02 Yeah, I was visiting her family in Richmond.
1:10:18 H. Foley? Huh.
1:10:19 Speaker 02 Or Norfolk or some shit.
1:10:20 H. Foley? Interesting.
1:10:21 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:10:21 H. Foley? You have godparents?
1:10:23 Speaker 02 Yes, I do. My, my older cousin and my uncle. My uncle Billy.
1:10:27 H. Foley? And the older cousin's a woman, right?
1:10:30 Speaker 02 Mm-hmm. Jill.
1:10:32 H. Foley? Jill.
1:10:32 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:10:33 H. Foley? Jill and Billy.
1:10:34 Speaker 02 Jill and Billy. Yep, those are my, I got confirmed. I got, uh, uh, what, the other ones?
1:10:40 H. Foley? Communion baptized?
1:10:41 Speaker 02 Yep, I got a confirmation name, all that stuff.
1:10:43 H. Foley? What's your confirmation name?
1:10:44 Speaker 02 Francis.
1:10:45 H. Foley? That's not bad.
1:10:46 Speaker 02 I like that. I got it because I was really.
1:10:48 H. Foley? That'd be like Captain Planet.
1:10:51 Speaker 02 I got it.
1:10:52 H. Foley? Red Ranger.
1:10:52 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah.
1:10:53 Speaker 01 Brendan the Real One Sagalow.
1:10:55 Speaker 02 The Hamburglar. I got it because the older brother in Malcolm in the Middle's name was Francis and I always liked that. So that's why I got that.
1:11:03 H. Foley? You were a big Malcolm in the Middle guy.
1:11:04 Speaker 02 Loved Malcolm in the Middle.
1:11:05 H. Foley? I didn't watch it.
1:11:06 Speaker 02 I thought it was one of the best shows.
1:11:07 Speaker 01 Yeah, it was great.
1:11:08 Speaker 02 It was really funny.
1:11:09 H. Foley? Yeah, home run.
1:11:09 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:11:11 Speaker 01 No Becker, but, you know. I mean, this kid's trash. I don't want one for me.
1:11:14 Speaker 02 Well, how can I, can I, uh, can I save this? Is there any?
1:11:18 H. Foley? No. Save it, buddy. You're fucking-
1:11:19 Speaker 02 Maybe there's classy things I do as well.
1:11:21 Speaker 01 What do you think?
1:11:22 H. Foley? We should be holding you up like Simba.
1:11:24 Speaker 02 Are you kidding me?
1:11:25 H. Foley? This is legendary.
1:11:27 Speaker 02 Yeah, you should have a picture of me in here.
1:11:28 Speaker 01 We should.
1:11:29 Speaker 02 You should have a wall of people that are like incredibly trashy.
1:11:33 Speaker 01 That's pretty good. That's pretty good.
1:11:34 H. Foley? It's not bad.
1:11:34 Speaker 01 Cut that. That's my idea. We should have a picture of you on the wall.
1:11:37 Speaker 02 What do you-
1:11:38 Speaker 01 Good job!
1:11:39 H. Foley? What do you think you could say?
1:11:40 Speaker 01 Like, what is the classy thing you could do?
1:11:41 H. Foley? We tried to give you an out with the massage and you're getting jacked off.
1:11:46 Speaker 02 Yeah, I know. Um, but no, the steakhouse, I do like steaks, steakhouse and stuff like that.
1:11:51 H. Foley? Can I push back on that?
1:11:52 Speaker 02 Oh my god, please.
1:11:54 H. Foley? I'm pretty sure your dad picked up that check.
1:11:56 Speaker 02 Why do you think so?
1:11:57 H. Foley? Because I remember you telling me.
1:11:58 Speaker 02 And he did. Yes, he did.
1:12:00 Speaker 01 Alright. Damn it!
1:12:03 Speaker 02 It was a birthday present for me.
1:12:05 H. Foley? It was a birthday present.
1:12:06 Speaker 02 It was a birthday present for me.
1:12:06 Speaker 01 That's a big Easter egg.
1:12:09 Speaker 02 Yeah, it came in the golden one. That was a dark egg. It was my birthday present, so technically, I picked it up.
1:12:16 H. Foley? Who picked up the check? I let it slide for a little while, but you're right.
1:12:19 Speaker 01 Everybody's a dirtbag. I respect that. Let him fucking hang himself. It's fucking insane.
1:12:25 Speaker 02 Fuck, I ain't been caught in a lie.
1:12:28 Speaker 01 I love it.
1:12:29 H. Foley? What do you think you could tell us?
1:12:32 Speaker 02 I like nice cars, I guess.
1:12:34 Speaker 01 Do you have a nice car?
1:12:37 Speaker 01 Have you ever been in a nice car?
1:12:42 Speaker 02 I have a nice car tattooed on me.
1:12:44 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's not it, man.
1:12:48 H. Foley? Do you read?
1:12:49 Speaker 02 I listen to audiobooks. And I'm pretty balls deep in The Hobbit right now.
1:12:56 H. Foley? You're audiobooking a hustler?
1:13:02 Speaker 01 I still can't get over.
1:13:04 H. Foley? What, did you shock yourself?
1:13:05 Speaker 02 I don't know, I slammed my teeth on the microphone.
1:13:08 H. Foley? This kid's a natural right here.
1:13:11 Speaker 01 Remember when he said, yeah, go to like Aruba or something and then had never gone to Aruba?
1:13:16 Speaker 02 I've never been invited actually, but I would. I would do that gig for the trip to Aruba.
1:13:21 Speaker 01 He also, he led with the Aruba when he had been skiing.
1:13:24 Speaker 02 I wish Disney World had a fucking, uh, uh, comedy club in it.
1:13:28 H. Foley? I want to do that Aruba show, though, man.
1:13:30 Speaker 02 I know, I want to do it.
1:13:31 H. Foley? I mean dude, that's all I ever saw when it would, you know, we were up here is fucking this one's going to Aruba.
1:13:36 Speaker 01 Just go to Aruba.
1:13:37 H. Foley? Eh, I guess so.
1:13:39 Speaker 01 Why do you want to get to, get on vacation and have to go bomb in the lobby?
1:13:42 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:13:46 Speaker 02 That's fucking hilarious, dude.
1:13:48 Speaker 01 Alright, we gotta wrap it up.
1:13:49 H. Foley? Sag Daddy the Podcast.
1:13:51 Speaker 02 Sag Daddy the Pod.
1:13:52 Speaker 01 Plug away.
1:13:52 Speaker 02 As well as Fart Carnival and I'm hitting the road. I got a lot of road gigs coming up and, uh, I'm really loving it. My hour is getting there and I'd love more people to come out and see it. So brennansagalo.com, punchup.live slash brennansagalo to be on my email list. I won't bother you, I won't spam you, but I'll let you know when I'm in your city and, um, just come out.
1:14:14 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:14:15 H. Foley? You just, you did the, um, uh, Are You Garbage Your Friend Show with us?
1:14:19 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:14:19 Speaker 02 That was so fun, man. I really had a good.
1:14:21 H. Foley? When he came up on stage.
1:14:22 Speaker 02 Thank you, yeah, yeah. It was so good. I mean, what a good show. And then like, and like, uh, Nate and Dan and it was, it was all great.
1:14:29 H. Foley? Everybody loves Sag Daddy.
1:14:31 Speaker 02 Thank you and I love you guys too.
1:14:32 Speaker 01 Love you, buddy.
1:14:33 H. Foley? Kip, what do you got for them?
1:14:33 Speaker 01 Uh, guys, we're over the road. Uh, we got Portland, Maine coming up. That's a small room. Get those tickets. I think two or three of the shows are already sold out, so if you snooze, you lose. Then we got Pittsburgh, do it the improv. Then we got a weekend in Cleveland, Alarities. Get those frigging tickets. And Atlantic City, the boys are coming in hot.
1:14:50 H. Foley? Let's go, baby. See you in AC. Sags, we love you.
1:14:53 Speaker 02 Love you too, guys.
1:14:54 H. Foley? Gang, we love you. We'll see you next week.
1:14:56 Speaker 01 Peace.
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