Jessica Kirson Returns!

Are You Garbage presents comedian and podcast host Jessica Kirson! We're talking running from dogs, celebrity dinners and gambling! You know Jessica Kirson from stand up comedy, the Joe Rogan Experience, The Tim Dillon Show, 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Whiskey Ginger, Stavvy's World, TigerBelly, Bertcast, Somethings Burning and so much more! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://betterhelp.com/garbage and get on your way to being your best self. OpenPhone: Streamline and scale your customer communications with OpenPhone. Get 20% off your first 6 months at https://www.openphone.com/garbage Rocket Money: Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Download the Rocket Money app and enter our show name Are You Garbage? in the survey so they know we sent you! Liquid I. V: Get ready for summer with extraordinary hydration from Liquid I. V. Get 20% off your first order of Liquid I. V. when you go to https://LIQUIDIV.com and use code GARBAGE at checkout. Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00H. Foley?

  Gang, we got a big announcement. The Back on the Block Tour is going on sale. Do yourself a favor, get some tickets. We're coming to a city near you. We're doing big shows, some of our favorite spots. We can't wait to see you out there.

• 0:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, starting in September, we're in San Francisco, Portland, Seattle, then Burlington, Vermont, Boston, Massachusetts, Atlanta, Georgia, Charlotte, North Carolina, Raleigh, North Carolina, Richmond, Virginia, Baltimore, Maryland, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, at the Met. The biggest show we've ever done.

• 0:25H. Foley?

  Let's go.

• 0:25Speaker 01

  Then we're doing Rochester, New York, and Toronto, Canada. All tickets are on sale. Get them at arugarbage.com.

• 0:30Speaker 02

  Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.

• 0:50H. Foley?

  Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?

• 0:55Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 0:56H. Foley?

  It's that little show, we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find out if they're good to be classy.

• 1:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01H. Foley?

  If they're just a big old piece of trash.

• 1:02Speaker 01

  Garbage.

• 1:03H. Foley?

  I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Toadies in the new addition. She's got a little pink eye.

• 1:09Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 1:10H. Foley?

  Yeah. The party tricks kinda snuck back up on her. She won't be doing that again. My co-host is coming at you from right next to me, slightly amused this week. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage. He is an international businessman. Bit of a tough crowd. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan, everybody.

• 1:25Speaker 01

  What up, gang? Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also, full video available over there on Spotify, gang. Check that out. Part of that creator program. And also, the best website in the world, www.patreon.com/areyougarbage. Go over there to get all that bonus content.

• 1:41H. Foley?

  Yes, sir. And, gang, we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly, special guest back with us again today. It has been a while. The last time she was here was in the infancy of this program.

• 1:53Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 1:53H. Foley?

  She came through the wringer as classy.

• 1:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:56H. Foley?

  But now, we're gonna try to find some dirt under those fingernails.

• 2:00Speaker 01

  Uh-huh.

• 2:00H. Foley?

  She is one of the funniest.

• 2:01Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 2:02H. Foley?

  One of the best, one of the most hardworking stand-up comedians out there today. And she has a brand-new special out on Hulu right now called I'm the Man. Give it up for the one, the only, Jessica Carson, everybody.

• 2:13Speaker 03

  Wow, thank you so much. Thank you.

• 2:15H. Foley?

  Look at you. A killer.

• 2:18Speaker 03

  Wow, I feel...

• 2:19H. Foley?

  What the hell was that?

• 2:20Speaker 03

  I feel unsafe. Yeah, that was such a weird pause.

• 2:25Speaker 01

  We all thought we were all going there.

• 2:26Speaker 03

  Give her a hand, yay!

• 2:28H. Foley?

  We'll put in some laughter.

• 2:30Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, can you juice that up?

• 2:32Speaker 01

  We're gonna take both of us out of here too, it's gonna just be you.

• 2:36H. Foley?

  Thank you for coming back on the show.

• 2:37Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 2:37H. Foley?

  It's been awhile.

• 2:38Speaker 03

  I'm so glad to be here, I was like, I've been dying to do it again.

• 2:41Speaker 01

  One of a heavy requested guests, so we're happy to have you back.

• 2:45Speaker 03

  Oh, that's so nice.

• 2:46Speaker 01

  You're also, I haven't, we haven't crossed paths in a minute, you know what I mean?

• 2:50H. Foley?

  It's been awhile.

• 2:50Speaker 01

  Everybody's out there running around. I think it was the last time at Moon Tower, and you're one of those people that when you bump into, we saw you at the airport or getting off the plane.

• 2:57H. Foley?

  Oh, that's right, we took an Uber together.

• 2:58Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, that's right!

• 2:59Speaker 01

  And we took an Uber, and I was just like, we're just in there, and like, right away, you just start trashing people, and I'm like, oh my god, I fucking love her.

• 3:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's familiar.

• 3:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're just like, ah, you're a lighthouse.

• 3:09Speaker 03

  I feel like that with you guys, yeah, yeah, I don't feel like that with everybody, but I really feel like that with you guys.

• 3:14Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 3:14Speaker 03

  Like, we were in rehab together.

• 3:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly, we're old war buddies.

• 3:19H. Foley?

  What are you gonna do when you get back to the world?

• 3:22H. Foley?

  Alright, I need, we got some vengeance here, we gotta get the dirt under the fingernails here. I don't know how you came out classy.

• 3:30Speaker 03

  I don't either.

• 3:30Speaker 01

  I mean, Jersey...

• 3:32H. Foley?

  The hell are we asking you?

• 3:33Speaker 01

  I don't know, it's just having the show, you were like, the 8th episode, we were still getting our feet under us, now we're season pros.

• 3:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was horrible.

• 3:39Speaker 01

  You know what I mean?

• 3:40H. Foley?

  The hardest question was, what's your favorite color? Now we're gonna get ya.

• 3:44Speaker 01

  Uh huh, okay.

• 3:45H. Foley?

  I'm gonna kick it off right now.

• 3:46Speaker 01

  Please, what do you got in the hopper there, big man?

• 3:48H. Foley?

  Any athlete's foot currently?

• 3:50Speaker 03

  That's so weird, you just said that!

• 3:52H. Foley?

  Oh my god, do you?

• 3:53Speaker 03

  That's a great question. I think I have...

• 3:56Speaker 01

  She's getting real political, thank you for that question.

• 3:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, thank you. Um, I don't think it's athlete's foot, because I can barely get out of bed, but I, my toes are very dry and itchy, there's something...

• 4:09Speaker 03

  I think because they've been in so many vaginas.

• 4:13Speaker 01

  Couple of toe jobs.

• 4:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. No, I seriously noticed that yesterday. I'm like, oh my god, I have very dry, flaky toes.

• 4:21Speaker 01

  Are you moisturizing daily?

• 4:23Speaker 03

  No, I don't take care of myself. I really don't.

• 4:27H. Foley?

  Do you wash your feet? Cause that's something that's come up. You do?

• 4:29Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 4:29H. Foley?

  In the shower? You go past the knees?

• 4:31Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 4:32H. Foley?

  Huh.

• 4:32Speaker 03

  Like, once a year. Yeah, yeah. No, I'm really lazy when it comes to like, creaming my... I'm trying.

• 4:40Speaker 01

  You don't have a skin routine? You don't have a facial routine?

• 4:42Speaker 03

  No, and I have to. I really need to start doing that, yeah. But it's... I'm being honest.

• 4:47H. Foley?

  It's such a pain in the ass.

• 4:48Speaker 03

  But I did, like, literally, for the first time in years, look down and I was like, something's going on.

• 4:54Speaker 01

  Something's a bit...

• 4:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, something's happening.

• 4:57H. Foley?

  Daffodils are growing on your toenails?

• 4:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:00H. Foley?

  Any bad toenails?

• 5:02Speaker 03

  Um, I have really nice feet.

• 5:05H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 5:05Speaker 03

  Like, I should, I should...

• 5:06Speaker 01

  I mean, with that information you've shared...

• 5:08Speaker 03

  I know.

• 5:09Speaker 01

  Would say that, would tell otherwise of them being...

• 5:11H. Foley?

  Except for the dandruff and the flakes on them.

• 5:14Speaker 01

  I'm sure. They're really dry, itchy and red.

• 5:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, except for the corn and the syphilis. No, they... I have nice feet.

• 5:22H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 5:23Speaker 03

  I'm serious. Like, I could...

• 5:24Speaker 01

  You're proud of them.

• 5:24Speaker 03

  Put my feet online and make a lot of money.

• 5:27H. Foley?

  There you go.

• 5:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. Now Jim Norton's gonna...

• 5:30Speaker 01

  He's gonna be outside in a minute.

• 5:32H. Foley?

  Is Norton a feet guy?

• 5:34Speaker 01

  I think Norton's an everything guy.

• 5:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think...

• 5:36H. Foley?

  Hey, I'm with him.

• 5:38Speaker 01

  I don't think there's much that he shies away from.

• 5:40Speaker 03

  I don't have a dick, but I do have nice feet.

• 5:42Speaker 01

  Shout out to Jim Norton. All-time fave. Um, okay, this is a, this is a one that's come up, that's been popular, uh, in the show of recent. Who was the most famous person you met growing up?

• 5:54Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 5:54Speaker 01

  It could have been like, you know, a radio guy, or, you know...

• 5:58H. Foley?

  Local news.

• 5:59Speaker 01

  Local news.

• 5:59Speaker 03

  So, when I was a kid?

• 6:01Speaker 01

  Uh-huh. Or, yeah, at any point, like, something where...

• 6:03Speaker 03

  Well, I've met a lot of people in my life.

• 6:05Speaker 01

  Of course. But before, before comedy.

• 6:08Speaker 03

  Right. Um, Ernie Ornesto, who's a...

• 6:10Speaker 01

  Who the hell's Ernie Ornesto?

• 6:12H. Foley?

  He's a, he's a very popular newsman.

• 6:14Speaker 03

  He's like a newsman, yeah.

• 6:15Speaker 01

  Oh, I just saw him.

• 6:16H. Foley?

  He's in every diner in New York City.

• 6:18Speaker 03

  I met him, I think, at a restaurant in Jersey.

• 6:20H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 6:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 6:22H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 6:22Speaker 03

  I mean, I, I'm trying to think of who I met as a kid.

• 6:25H. Foley?

  That's a perfect one.

• 6:26Speaker 01

  That's a great one. That's, any local newscaster's fantastic.

• 6:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, definitely. But then it changed, of course, over time.

• 6:33Speaker 01

  Who would, now even in comedy, who's the most famous person you've met?

• 6:37Speaker 03

  I mean, I've met.

• 6:38H. Foley?

  Bobby D.

• 6:39Speaker 03

  Prob- right.

• 6:40Speaker 01

  Oh, right, De Niro.

• 6:41Speaker 03

  Right. De Niro is the, I think is the biggest.

• 6:45Speaker 01

  I forgot about that.

• 6:46Speaker 03

  Star, and I worked with him and became friends with him, yeah.

• 6:48Speaker 01

  I remember that.

• 6:49Speaker 03

  That's fucking crazy.

• 6:49Speaker 01

  That was going through the scene, like, oh, yeah, Jessica's hanging out with Robert De Niro.

• 6:53Speaker 03

  Well, I was in his ear during the whole movie. Yeah, the comedian.

• 6:57Speaker 01

  That's fucking crazy.

• 6:58Speaker 03

  And that was just from him seeing me do stand-up. It was a great story, yeah. Uh, but because my, of my stepbrother, who was a child actor, you know, I met a lot of people, like, years and years ago, and that was fucking weird.

• 7:11H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 7:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, like, big stars, you know, like Danny DeVito and Reese Witherspoon and this one and that one. But I think besides De Niro, and there were so many people in that movie, like Harvey Keitel and Joe, like, all these people.

• 7:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, damn.

• 7:26Speaker 03

  But the big, I met, I met Madonna.

• 7:29Speaker 01

  Really?

• 7:30Speaker 03

  At The Cellar.

• 7:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, she was doing comedy.

• 7:32Speaker 03

  And I, I was freaked, I don't get freaked out. I think that's why De Niro liked me. I'm not like, oh, my god, it's, I just saw him as like an older Italian man.

• 7:41Speaker 03

  You wanna work with me, you know? Um, but when I saw Madonna at The Cellar, for some reason, I was really starstruck.

• 7:47Speaker 01

  That's one, yeah, of course.

• 7:48Speaker 03

  Really starstruck.

• 7:49Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 7:50H. Foley?

  These kids today don't know, tho- tho- tho- those stars back then, Michael, her, it, they were like, sons, they were stars.

• 7:57Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm. She was huge.

• 8:00Speaker 01

  All right, pop up, zip it. You ever hear Taylor, Taylor Swift is like the bigger than a fucking.

• 8:04Speaker 03

  Who's Taylor Swift?

• 8:05Speaker 01

  The economy of Brazil.

• 8:07H. Foley?

  Not these bozos on Tic Tac or whatever it is. Whatever you kids are doing, playing Minecraft.

• 8:12Speaker 03

  Tic Tac.

• 8:13H. Foley?

  Bobby D ever take you out to dinner, you guys?

• 8:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, a lot.

• 8:16Speaker 01

  Did he ever take you to his restaurant in Tribeca? I just went there two weeks ago.

• 8:19Speaker 03

  We went to his restaurant, right in the beginning, and had, uh, cappuccinos, and he had a drink, yeah, he, it's funny. I went to dinner a lot with him. Not, I'm not bragging, it just what happened.

• 8:30Speaker 01

  No, of course, no, this is, you're in a safe place.

• 8:32Speaker 03

  I mean, I'm filled with self-hatred.

• 8:33Speaker 01

  No, yeah, of course.

• 8:35Speaker 03

  I would go to dinner with him and Harvey Keitel and.

• 8:37H. Foley?

  Get the fuck out of here.

• 8:39Speaker 03

  And Danny DeVito and the producer.

• 8:42Speaker 03

  To Il Malina, a lot.

• 8:43Speaker 01

  Really? He's an Il Malina man.

• 8:44H. Foley?

  That's their spot.

• 8:45Speaker 01

  Who picks up the check in that situation?

• 8:46H. Foley?

  They're not splitting it.

• 8:48Speaker 03

  Can you imagine? I'm like, I'll leave the tip.

• 8:53Speaker 01

  You're trying to pay with a gift card?

• 8:54Speaker 03

  I mean, it was De Niro because it's, you know.

• 8:57Speaker 01

  Probably, gee, he's got like a day, no, no, I don't think.

• 8:59Speaker 03

  You're right. You know what? The producers picked up the check a lot, too.

• 9:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:02Speaker 03

  That's what they do, these Hollywood producers. Oh, I got it, I got it.

• 9:06H. Foley?

  What's Bobby D. like? A chicken par- what's he go for?

• 9:10Speaker 03

  I mean, they would order, it was fucking insane.

• 9:13Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 9:14Speaker 03

  They would order like, you know, the, the fish, you know, the raw fish and they, they bring shit.

• 9:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's De Niro, you got De Niro, Danny DeVito.

• 9:22Speaker 03

  They just bring stuff, you don't even order.

• 9:23H. Foley?

  Think of the meals those guys have.

• 9:25Speaker 03

  It was unbelievable.

• 9:27H. Foley?

  Cigars, espressos, zambucas.

• 9:29Speaker 03

  Tons of espressos and zambu- yeah, it's exactly what it was.

• 9:33H. Foley?

  That's awesome.

• 9:34Speaker 03

  A lot of meats. You know, they come over with the cheese and keep grating it and it just, it's amazing.

• 9:40Speaker 01

  Now, let's say you are out to dinner, not with somebody of that ilk, but you know, if, you know, and you know that person's picking up the check, not a De Niro or a producer or what. Now, will you gauge what you're ordering if someone else is paying?

• 9:51Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 9:51Speaker 01

  You, you will, you'll scale it down.

• 9:52H. Foley?

  You'll go step down.

• 9:53Speaker 01

  You're not gonna go for the serpent.

• 9:54Speaker 03

  I don't scale it up. I was brought up really like down to earth, believe it or not. It was...

• 10:00Speaker 01

  I don't know why I wouldn't believe that.

• 10:02Speaker 03

  Well, because I, because I brought, was brought up in the Jersey suburbs where people had money compared to...

• 10:07Speaker 01

  A little bit of cash, sure.

• 10:09Speaker 03

  But my parents really, like, I had a job at 14. I worked at Lord & Taylor and I worked in the coffee place and they gave me like eventually a really shitty car that my sister had, which had like one wheel. I mean, it was, I was, thank God, brought up that way.

• 10:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, modest, yes.

• 10:25Speaker 03

  Because it's made me work as hard as I do and appreciate things.

• 10:29H. Foley?

  If you go out to dinner with somebody that's paying, they get the chicken, you don't get the two-pound lobster.

• 10:33Speaker 03

  No.

• 10:33H. Foley?

  Right.

• 10:34Speaker 03

  No. I would not ev- I don't even get an appetizer, which is, you know.

• 10:39Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 10:39Speaker 03

  I, I would, like, it's like other people will just order an appetizer and I'm like, I, I feel uncomfortable.

• 10:46Speaker 01

  Now, if shoes on the other foot, you're paying.

• 10:48Speaker 03

  I want them to get everything.

• 10:49Speaker 01

  You're okay. You would say, hey, it's for, go for it. Go nuts.

• 10:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. And then when they do, I get resentful.

• 10:55Speaker 01

  You cheap motherfuckers.

• 10:59Speaker 01

  That's the kinda crazy we're looking for over here on Are You Garbage?

• 11:03H. Foley?

  On the Ernie and Asta's tip, what was the first concert you went to?

• 11:06Speaker 03

  Genesis.

• 11:07Speaker 01

  Whoa.

• 11:08H. Foley?

  No shit.

• 11:09Speaker 03

  I was a big Genesis fan. Yeah, I love, I love them. Uh, it was at Madison Square Garden.

• 11:15H. Foley?

  Damn.

• 11:16Speaker 03

  I went with my stepmother. Um, I had beer and I smoked pot.

• 11:20H. Foley?

  How old were you?

• 11:21Speaker 03

  And I smoked pot there. She was fine with it. Um, I was 14.

• 11:25H. Foley?

  Wow.

• 11:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, but I was doing drugs at, like, I started smoking pot at 13 and then I-

• 11:29H. Foley?

  Was this the Invisible Touch Tour or what are we talking about?

• 11:31Speaker 03

  I don't know, but I, I love, it might have been Abicab.

• 11:34H. Foley?

  Wow.

• 11:35Speaker 03

  Um-

• 11:36Speaker 01

  Wild.

• 11:36Speaker 03

  But I was, I was a burnout. I was ama- into, I used to have a jean jacket that had Rush on the back, the decal for Rush. I was like-

• 11:44Speaker 01

  Did you buy that or did you put that on there?

• 11:46Speaker 03

  I had, put it on there. Yeah, I was like, I was into Led Zeppelin and Grateful Dead. Like, I was really into all that shit.

• 11:53Speaker 01

  Rush jacket.

• 11:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know, isn't that interesting?

• 11:55H. Foley?

  That's crazy.

• 11:56Speaker 03

  It's not even like it was Led Zeppelin or AC/DC, it was Rush.

• 12:00Speaker 01

  That's a, I mean, that's a relatively deep cut. Compared, it's not like the top three, you know?

• 12:04Speaker 03

  It is, yeah.

• 12:05H. Foley?

  Grand Funk Railroad t-shirt? What did you do at Lord and Taylor?

• 12:09Speaker 03

  I folded clothes and I wanted to fucking kill myself.

• 12:12H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 12:12Speaker 01

  Worst, right?

• 12:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was horrible. Oh, you did? It's brutal. All those old women like, "Do you have a size eight?"

• 12:20H. Foley?

  Cause-

• 12:21Speaker 03

  You know, like, I'm like, "Just die, can you die? Like, literally just die while I'm folding a sweater."

• 12:26H. Foley?

  You could strike me, I, I could see you being really good at, at the perfume counter.

• 12:30Speaker 03

  Really?

• 12:31H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 12:31Speaker 03

  That's not, I, yeah, I'm, I'm a good salesperson.

• 12:34H. Foley?

  Yeah?

• 12:34Speaker 01

  You're very personable, of course.

• 12:36Speaker 03

  My parents were in sa- like, I just grew up, I think that helps us in this business. I mean-

• 12:42Speaker 01

  Of course you are.

• 12:43Speaker 03

  You have to be a good salesperson in this business.

• 12:45Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 12:46Speaker 03

  But, um, yeah, I, I think now I would have a very hard time working with the public because-

• 12:51Speaker 01

  I picked up on that.

• 12:53Speaker 03

  Like, I really have changed.

• 12:57H. Foley?

  Are you Harvey Keitel? No, then get out of my face.

• 12:59Speaker 01

  Do you have, do you have a shrimp cocktail on you?

• 13:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, I'm more, um, like, people are rude.

• 13:05H. Foley?

  Of course.

• 13:05Speaker 03

  Most people are rude, so I would not want to be talking to them in a store, yeah.

• 13:10H. Foley?

  No, I'm with you 100%.

• 13:11Speaker 01

  Uh-huh, that makes sense.

• 13:12H. Foley?

  Speaking of perfume, uh, do you wear?

• 13:15Speaker 03

  No.

• 13:16H. Foley?

  No fragrance?

• 13:16Speaker 03

  No.

• 13:17H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 13:17Speaker 03

  I used to wear shitty perfume, like when I was growing up.

• 13:20H. Foley?

  Charlie? Did you wear Charlie?

• 13:23Speaker 03

  I think I did wear Charlie for, I don't know, Charlie's nice.

• 13:26Speaker 01

  I don't know Charlie.

• 13:27Speaker 03

  I wouldn't spend like tons of money on perfume.

• 13:30H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 13:31Speaker 03

  I mean, now I might, but I, I, I don't, I don't like a lot of, I don't like strong smells.

• 13:37H. Foley?

  Deodorant wise, what do you do?

• 13:38Speaker 01

  Sorry about us.

• 13:40Speaker 01

  My apologies.

• 13:41Speaker 03

  You guys are great.

• 13:42Speaker 01

  At the 40 minute mark, we're gonna get a little ripe.

• 13:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, it has smelled like onions since I sat down.

• 13:48H. Foley?

  I had some leftover Easter ham this morning. I apologize.

• 13:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, um.

• 13:52H. Foley?

  Deodorant wise?

• 13:53Speaker 03

  Um, I wear men's.

• 13:55H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 13:55Speaker 01

  What kind?

• 13:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, like a roll on arms and hammer.

• 13:58Speaker 01

  Really?

• 13:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:59Speaker 01

  The aluminum free one, or no?

• 14:01Speaker 03

  I don't even know.

• 14:02Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 14:03Speaker 03

  Whatever.

• 14:03Speaker 01

  I use ladies.

• 14:04H. Foley?

  Hold on, just for the minutes. Just for the minute, she said arms and hammer.

• 14:09Speaker 01

  That's a real dirtbag, putting S's on shit that doesn't belong.

• 14:11H. Foley?

  Which was a popular cop show in the 1980's, Arms and Hammer.

• 14:14Speaker 01

  It was a duo? It was a duo?

• 14:16Speaker 03

  That's the name of a lesbian porn.

• 14:18Speaker 01

  It was a cop and a monkey?

• 14:19H. Foley?

  Arms and Hammer?

• 14:23Speaker 03

  I can't believe I said arms and, I'm getting old.

• 14:25H. Foley?

  Arms and Hammer is alright. Tonight on Arms and Hammer. Ah, that's great. You use arm and hammer, deodorant, um, antiperspirant or just deodorant?

• 14:33Speaker 03

  Antiperspirant.

• 14:34H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 14:34Speaker 03

  Because of performing, yeah.

• 14:36Speaker 01

  So like, you're wearing this today, is that a t-shirt, I presume, you got on under that?

• 14:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, but white tee.

• 14:40Speaker 01

  Now, okay, I picked up on that. Now, will you?

• 14:43H. Foley?

  Sharp Kid, isn't he?

• 14:46H. Foley?

  One of those glasses?

• 14:47Speaker 01

  Thanks for sitting down with us today.

• 14:52H. Foley?

  You wear blazers ever?

• 14:54Speaker 01

  I'm earning, I'm earning a nest of those.

• 14:56Speaker 03

  Do you ever wear your hair wavy?

• 14:58Speaker 01

  No, well, I didn't want to assume, it could've been a tank top, I don't know, listen.

• 15:01Speaker 03

  I don't wear a tank top.

• 15:02Speaker 01

  Right, I don't know that.

• 15:03Speaker 03

  I said tank top.

• 15:06Speaker 01

  I got arms and hammers. Um, will you put the shirt on then deodorant, or deodorant then shirt?

• 15:13Speaker 03

  Deodorant and then shirt, because I have a hard time lifting the shirt, it's so tight.

• 15:17Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 15:18H. Foley?

  Class, I think that's classy.

• 15:19Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 15:20H. Foley?

  He does.

• 15:21Speaker 01

  I do the shirt and then that, because it gets, I'm a bigger guy, so it crumbles up and then I get the deodorant stripes all over the side of my shirt.

• 15:27Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 15:28H. Foley?

  I've never had that happen to me once.

• 15:29Speaker 03

  Really?

• 15:30H. Foley?

  As a big guy, never. I don't know where he comes up with this. I don't know.

• 15:33Speaker 01

  Me or him?

• 15:33Speaker 03

  You.

• 15:34Speaker 01

  Ah, I don't know. My shirts are too tight, and then they bunch up here when you're going over.

• 15:40Speaker 03

  So you get yellow stains?

• 15:41Speaker 01

  Well, it'll be white.

• 15:42Speaker 03

  That is so fucking disgusting. Wait, is the yellow on the white?

• 15:46Speaker 01

  What do you mean? No, I don't wear a white t-shirt. I'm too fat to wear a white t-shirt. That's crazy.

• 15:50Speaker 03

  I'm not skinny and I'm, oh, because you won't cover it.

• 15:53Speaker 01

  I don't, I mean, I'll do this.

• 15:55Speaker 03

  Because you could wear this.

• 15:56Speaker 01

  That white t-shirt?

• 15:57Speaker 03

  With that black jacket.

• 15:58Speaker 01

  Oh, I could do, yeah, but here's not good. I got a big, it's like I got a big hole between my boobs.

• 16:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, me too.

• 16:06Speaker 01

  We got a lot in common.

• 16:07Speaker 03

  Are yours uneven like mine?

• 16:09Speaker 01

  They are.

• 16:12H. Foley?

  Kevin's wearing skims right now.

• 16:14Speaker 01

  My right's a little droopy.

• 16:16Speaker 03

  Are your boobs taped down?

• 16:17Speaker 01

  I wish. I wish.

• 16:21H. Foley?

  Have you ever been bitten by a dog?

• 16:23Speaker 03

  I was chased by a dog in my neighborhood. It was one of the fucking most traumatic things that ever happened to me. Yeah, it was really bad.

• 16:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, scary.

• 16:30Speaker 03

  It's a funny visual, but I left my house.

• 16:33H. Foley?

  I'm sorry to laugh at it.

• 16:33Speaker 03

  You know, you think I care? I was walking to my friend Gail's house and I heard

• 16:40Speaker 03

  and I'm like, oh my god, what is that? And I saw a dog chained, you know, chained into a rope at someone's house and I'm like, oh, they're chained. And then I heard and it started getting closer and I was like, I, this dog's coming towards me right now.

• 16:55Speaker 01

  That incites a level of fear. That's like killer be killed. That's caveman level anxiety.

• 17:00Speaker 03

  I ran like I was in the Olympics. I'm not even, and I felt, the dog was behind my leg. I'll never forget this. It was like Right behind my leg.

• 17:09Speaker 01

  They're getting louder.

• 17:09Speaker 03

  And I was screaming and I was like, "Ah!" And my friend, there was no cell phone. I hate saying shit like this because it makes me sad. But there were no cell phones. I was a child. And I was screaming and my friend Gail's door was open. And my friends came to the door and all they saw was me screaming like a fucking lunatic with a dog right behind me. I cannot believe I wasn't bitten. I don't know what happened. Did you ever go through that? I was like, something happened where my legs moved so fast. Like, it's really weird.

• 17:41Speaker 01

  Superhuman strength.

• 17:41Speaker 03

  I'm not kidding. That it didn't bite my leg. But I, they opened, I flew into the house and they slammed and the dog didn't get in.

• 17:48Speaker 01

  This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Mental health awareness is growing, but there's still some progress to be made. 26% of Americans who participated in a recent survey say they have avoided seeking mental help due to the fear of judgment. I know the environment I grew up in, that was not, it was kind of frowned upon to go seek mental help. You're reviewed as weak. That is not the case. I found out as I've gotten older, seeking a therapist or mental health help or talking, talk therapy is fantastic. I've been better in my life since I've started talking to someone. I highly recommend it. There's a before and after moment of talking to someone.

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• 19:17Speaker 01

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• 20:03Speaker 01

  See why over 50,000 businesses trust OpenPhone to manage their business calls and texts. OpenPhone is offering our listeners 20% off your first month, your first six months at openphone.com/garbage. That's openphone, O-P-E-N-P-H-O-N-E dot com slash garbage. And if you're having, if you have existing numbers with another service, OpenPhone will port them over at no extra charge because they're good people. OpenPhone, no missed calls, no missed customers. Do it. That was the thing. Back in the day, there was more loose dogs.

• 20:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, there were.

• 20:34Speaker 01

  Because I'd walk to my buddy's house and we had to cut through some yards and a little bit of like trees and stuff, like not a forest, but like woodsy type area. And I mean, we would get to this point where this dog, he'd be staring at you on the porch.

• 20:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:47Speaker 01

  It was about a 50-yard dash. And we would get there, we'd get to the edge, we'd tie our shoes, we'd go, "All right," on the count of three.

• 20:54Speaker 03

  Oh, really?

• 20:55Speaker 01

  And you just had to not be the slowest guy.

• 20:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:57Speaker 01

  And I mean, that was just normal. And then you'd get over the fence, "Ooh, that was close."

• 21:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think it was, I think it wasn't great. It was my fault because I was carrying a raw steak.

• 21:05Speaker 01

  Sure. I was selling steaks door to door.

• 21:07Speaker 03

  That's right, right. Yeah.

• 21:09Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 21:10H. Foley?

  Speaking of steak, how do you get it cooked?

• 21:12Speaker 03

  Um, medium well.

• 21:14Speaker 01

  Ooh. Medium well. It's not good.

• 21:17Speaker 03

  I know, but I, I don't, like, the other stuff I'll eat more rare, like a hamburger and stuff, but with steak, I just, I like it, yeah.

• 21:26Speaker 01

  That's alright.

• 21:26H. Foley?

  What's the usual cut that you prefer? Is it a filet?

• 21:29Speaker 03

  Um, usually, yeah, filet.

• 21:31H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 21:32Speaker 03

  Yeah. What do you guys like?

• 21:33Speaker 01

  I'm a filet man.

• 21:34H. Foley?

  Yeah, filet's great. Ribeye, New York strip.

• 21:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:37H. Foley?

  Yeah?

• 21:37Speaker 03

  I like, I like shit steak, though. I don't have to go to like a steakhouse, you know what I'm saying?

• 21:42Speaker 01

  I'm kinda right there with you.

• 21:43Speaker 03

  Like, I'll go to Applebee's and get a steak.

• 21:45H. Foley?

  Hmm. Ketchup?

• 21:46Speaker 01

  You can go to the neighborhood.

• 21:47Speaker 03

  Yes, I put ketchup on everything. That's pretty, yeah, I do.

• 21:50H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 21:50Speaker 01

  Alright, well, medium well steak with ketchup.

• 21:53H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 21:53Speaker 03

  I would eat, I eat eggs with ketchup. I eat everything with ketchup.

• 21:57H. Foley?

  Scrambies?

• 21:57Speaker 01

  How do you like your eggs?

• 21:58Speaker 03

  You know what I do? I mix ketchup and, um, mayo together. Have you ever had that?

• 22:03Speaker 01

  Fancy sauce.

• 22:03Speaker 03

  It's fucking amazing. I, my kids call it pink sauce.

• 22:06Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 22:07Speaker 03

  And I, it's so good. Um, and I love everything with that. I'll dip a cracker into that. I fucking love it.

• 22:13Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 22:13Speaker 03

  Um, any kind of eggs, really.

• 22:15Speaker 01

  If you're at home and you're making them, what do you do? You gonna scramble them?

• 22:17Speaker 03

  Scrambled, or...

• 22:18Speaker 01

  You're not doing poached, I'm...

• 22:20Speaker 03

  No, can you imagine? I guess some people do that.

• 22:22H. Foley?

  Yeah, poached are great.

• 22:23Speaker 01

  I watched my wife do a poached one. I didn't, first I didn't know what a poached egg was.

• 22:26Speaker 03

  No, they're great, but to spend that much...

• 22:27Speaker 01

  And she did it, and I was like, it's crazy.

• 22:28Speaker 03

  It's, they're good, but I'm not gonna spend that much energy. I eat over the, in the pan. I'm really...

• 22:34Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 22:34Speaker 03

  I am disgusting, you know?

• 22:36H. Foley?

  You eat over in the pan?

• 22:37Speaker 03

  I eat standing up, yeah.

• 22:39H. Foley?

  Whoa.

• 22:39Speaker 03

  I don't like put it on a plate and go, like, we're comics, too.

• 22:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 22:43H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 22:44Speaker 03

  You know, I'll put my food on the bed in the hotel and just eat from the, the plate.

• 22:48H. Foley?

  Alright, that's a good one.

• 22:49Speaker 01

  What kinda hotels you staying at on the road? You go for a nice one, or you just do, like, give me the Holiday Inn Express?

• 22:53Speaker 03

  No, I did those.

• 22:54Speaker 01

  You're done, all...

• 22:55Speaker 03

  For fucking twenty year, I'm not doing it anymore. I'm not.

• 22:58Speaker 01

  So what's like...

• 22:59Speaker 03

  That's the one thing.

• 23:01Speaker 01

  I get it.

• 23:01Speaker 03

  That, and taking like an Uber, like, I'm like, I deserve.

• 23:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, Uber, I'm gonna go long.

• 23:06H. Foley?

  You're moving tickets.

• 23:07Speaker 03

  Now, do I stay in like a fucking Ritz? I would, I don't think I'd ever do that, even if I was making millions and millions and millions. But I'll stay in like, um, like a Marriott, or, you know, something a little nice.

• 23:18Speaker 01

  Something a little elevated.

• 23:19Speaker 03

  It has to be now. It has to be.

• 23:21H. Foley?

  Will you use the pool at the hotel?

• 23:22Speaker 03

  No.

• 23:23H. Foley?

  Hot tub?

• 23:24Speaker 03

  No.

• 23:25Speaker 01

  What, you do room service?

• 23:26Speaker 03

  Yes, constantly.

• 23:27Speaker 01

  And when you order room service, do you let the guy come in, or do you stop him at the door and take it?

• 23:32Speaker 03

  I-

• 23:32Speaker 01

  A lot of times, like, we own that car, and they get right up in your business.

• 23:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, um, it depends if I have, like, you know, shitty underwear on the floor, stuff like that. No, I, I, um-

• 23:41Speaker 01

  Hey, me too.

• 23:43Speaker 03

  I, I-

• 23:43H. Foley?

  Hey, sorry about that.

• 23:44Speaker 03

  I, I don't, um, let them in normally now, just because I've, I have privacy issues.

• 23:50Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 23:50Speaker 03

  Like, this is from doing stand-up for 26 years, yeah.

• 23:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, okay.

• 23:54H. Foley?

  Will you walk around in the hotel in your bare feet, in the hotel room?

• 23:56Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 23:57Speaker 01

  Okay, alright.

• 23:58Speaker 03

  I've ne- I, yeah. I'm not like, I don't care about that shit. That's probably why I have athlete's foot, or whatever the fuck it is.

• 24:05Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 24:05Speaker 03

  Chlamydia.

• 24:06H. Foley?

  Fair enough.

• 24:07Speaker 01

  Syphilis toes. Uh, when you're traveling, you fly up front, first class?

• 24:12H. Foley?

  Of course, come on.

• 24:13Speaker 01

  You gotta.

• 24:13Speaker 03

  I, I don't pay for a first-last ticket, but I, um, get bumped up a lot on Delta, yeah.

• 24:21Speaker 01

  You're a Delta gal?

• 24:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:22Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 24:22H. Foley?

  Will you bring food on the plane?

• 24:24Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 24:24H. Foley?

  You will.

• 24:25Speaker 03

  I always, not, not like a meal.

• 24:27Speaker 01

  You're not getting like a burger?

• 24:28Speaker 03

  No, I always have snacks. Um, first of all, I'm a mom, and I'm Jewish, so I always, we, we always have food on us in case we get taken away again.

• 24:37Speaker 01

  It's okay, I got goldfish.

• 24:39Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 24:40Speaker 01

  We're gonna be all right.

• 24:41Speaker 03

  Some people, I love that you say goldfish, it's so perfect for ju-

• 24:46Speaker 01

  I could take this, and we could spread it over eight nights.

• 24:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:49Speaker 01

  These snacks were only supposed to last one night.

• 24:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, I have a challah. Um, no, I, I, uh, some people are like, "What do you mean, taken away? What happened?" So, yeah, no, I always do have, but I've always been like that, even before I was a mom. I always had food on me.

• 25:04H. Foley?

  What are the preferred snacks? Very interesting.

• 25:06Speaker 01

  Cheez-Its, Combos, Goldfish, what are we talking?

• 25:09Speaker 03

  Everything you just said, I fucking love.

• 25:11H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 25:12Speaker 03

  Anything crunchy, chee- cheesy.

• 25:14Speaker 01

  Cheez-It over a combo, or a combo-

• 25:16Speaker 03

  No, combo over a Cheez-It.

• 25:17H. Foley?

  Combo over a Cheez-It?

• 25:19Speaker 01

  You heard it here first, gang.

• 25:20Speaker 03

  I love Cheez-Its too. I have them at home, but I love Combos.

• 25:24Speaker 01

  They're something dirty. They're like, they're like a dirty little whore, a combo.

• 25:27Speaker 03

  They are dirty, they have the dust.

• 25:29Speaker 01

  I know.

• 25:30Speaker 03

  I eat fistfuls of co- of co-

• 25:32Speaker 01

  They hit different- Cheese, it's like you're studying. Fucking combos like I'm getting down and dirty.

• 25:38Speaker 03

  But they also have a prize inside. Like you get the cheese, you get the fucking pepperoni, yeah.

• 25:43Speaker 01

  Do you do the pepperoni?

• 25:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, I do all of them. I love them. Yeah.

• 25:45Speaker 01

  You do a pepperoni combo? Uh, write that down in the fucking.

• 25:49Speaker 03

  I know, it is shocking.

• 25:50Speaker 01

  That's strategy for me. I'm a cheddar cheese man.

• 25:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, you wouldn't think it, but I do, yeah.

• 25:54Speaker 01

  Dude, those are always dusty at the gas station.

• 25:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know.

• 25:57Speaker 01

  Combos in it all across the country are always.

• 25:59H. Foley?

  Always on the bottom shelf.

• 26:00Speaker 01

  Always dusty for some reason. Why is that?

• 26:02H. Foley?

  Next to the shoe polish. Show a little respect.

• 26:05Speaker 03

  But I do love chips. I, and I.

• 26:07Speaker 01

  Hit me with your favorite chip.

• 26:08Speaker 03

  Oh, that's a really hard one. Yeah.

• 26:10H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 26:11Speaker 03

  Yeah. I mean, oh my God, that's hard. I love all of them. Um.

• 26:15H. Foley?

  Salt and vinegar.

• 26:16Speaker 03

  I love salt and vinegar. I love sour cream and onion.

• 26:19H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 26:19Speaker 03

  Salt and vinegar is gross. I fucking love them.

• 26:21Speaker 01

  Stop, don't listen to him.

• 26:22Speaker 01

  For British people, that's crazy.

• 26:24H. Foley?

  Don't listen to him.

• 26:24Speaker 03

  I like the plain potato chip, like the oily plain potato chip.

• 26:28H. Foley?

  Cape Cod, kettle cooked, sea salt, home run.

• 26:30Speaker 03

  I love Cape Cod, but I, yeah, home run. But I do like just the Utz plain potato chip.

• 26:37Speaker 01

  Have you noticed a lot of those kettle cooked, the Cape Cod, they've, they've really gone with like the flat, the matte paint, the matte finish of the bag to make it seem classier?

• 26:47H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 26:47Speaker 01

  Compared to an Utz, which is just like the thin.

• 26:50H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 26:50Speaker 03

  Right.

• 26:51Speaker 01

  Foil.

• 26:52H. Foley?

  They're trying to, they're trying to.

• 26:53Speaker 01

  Elevate themselves.

• 26:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, those are good. The thin foil, those are always good.

• 26:57Speaker 01

  Those are, yeah.

• 26:58Speaker 03

  I love a Dorita. I mean.

• 27:00Speaker 01

  Sure. Doing Doritos.

• 27:01Speaker 03

  Are you kidding? I love Doritos.

• 27:02Speaker 01

  Good for you. What flavor?

• 27:04Speaker 03

  I like the plain, but I like the, the blue, you know, whatever, the Cool Ranch. I mean, I'm not.

• 27:10Speaker 01

  An aristocrat.

• 27:11Speaker 03

  I'm not really into spicy, like, like really spicy chips.

• 27:14Speaker 01

  Spicy nacho, the chili lime or whatever.

• 27:15Speaker 03

  Cause I wanna slam them into my mouth.

• 27:17H. Foley?

  How do you feel about a bugle?

• 27:18Speaker 03

  I love bugles, but I don't eat them a lot, but I love them. I used to.

• 27:24Speaker 01

  You got to. It's a part of the Geneva Convention.

• 27:26Speaker 03

  And my toes, that might be the other reason. I love Bugles. Do you like Funyuns?

• 27:31Speaker 01

  Not a Funyan man.

• 27:32Speaker 03

  I love Funyuns. Me too.

• 27:34H. Foley?

  I like Funyuns over onion rings. I'll say it right now. I don't care who knows.

• 27:37Speaker 03

  I love onion rings.

• 27:39H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 27:40Speaker 01

  You guys are wild card today.

• 27:41H. Foley?

  I'll give it to you.

• 27:42Speaker 01

  Uh huh. Okay. What's your go to drink? If you're like, you're stopping at a gas station, you're on the road. Are you getting like a Diet Coke? You did a seltzer when you're doing a selfie?

• 27:50Speaker 03

  I'm doing a Diet Coke or my favorite is Diet Sprite. Sprite Zero. It's amazing. Yeah.

• 27:56Speaker 01

  What the fuck? What are you, in the X Games? Who does that?

• 28:00Speaker 03

  It's very, um...

• 28:02Speaker 01

  Sprite Zero.

• 28:03Speaker 03

  I like it that, you know what I like? That no one knows what it is.

• 28:06Speaker 01

  No one, no one.

• 28:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, more for me. But you know what? It's very, um, carbonated and I like when it hurts.

• 28:12Speaker 01

  It's got a bite to it.

• 28:13Speaker 03

  I like, but I like, I want it to hurt my throat.

• 28:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, I get that.

• 28:16Speaker 03

  You eat the chips, you, you cut the hole inside of your mouth because I fuck my mouth with them and then I drink the Diet Sprite. It's just great.

• 28:23Speaker 01

  That's what my, my mom does, who's a big fan of yours by the way. My mom does Coke or Sprite Zero with the...

• 28:29Speaker 03

  She does?

• 28:30Speaker 01

  With the hers nuggets and she'll just sit there watching the news, just crushing them. Talk about ruining the inside of your mouth.

• 28:37H. Foley?

  No enamel left.

• 28:39Speaker 01

  Shout out to Denise.

• 28:40H. Foley?

  Wow.

• 28:41Speaker 03

  I love it. Shout out.

• 28:42H. Foley?

  Man.

• 28:43Speaker 01

  Denise! Denise in the house!

• 28:46H. Foley?

  Uh, do you do any fast food these days?

• 28:49Speaker 03

  I love fast food. I, I take my kids a lot for it and I will eat what they're eating, but I don't, I mean, I used... I used to, all the time, then this is embarrassing, but I would go to, on the Jersey Turnpike, all the time and go through drive-throughs, just service areas, fucking drive, and, and get like fifteen things. I'm not even kidding.

• 29:12Speaker 01

  Really?

• 29:12Speaker 03

  And I loved Wendy's and I love...

• 29:15Speaker 01

  Were you going somewhere? You were just going to the rest stop?

• 29:17Speaker 03

  I love Roy Rogers. That was my favorite.

• 29:19Speaker 01

  I know that Roy Rogers.

• 29:20Speaker 03

  It's amazing. Um, and I would, I would binge eat and don't get upset because I would never do this now, but I would eat everything, like shove it in and then I would throw it back.

• 29:31Speaker 01

  Out the window. Well, yeah, listen, we're...

• 29:33H. Foley?

  That's the eighties, baby.

• 29:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was a different time.

• 29:35Speaker 03

  It was the eighties, it was.

• 29:36Speaker 01

  It was a coin flip whether that, that, that bag was getting launched out the window.

• 29:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, exactly. Like I would...

• 29:41Speaker 01

  Crazy.

• 29:41Speaker 03

  I have a huge thing with littering now, but I had to get rid of the, the evidence.

• 29:45H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 29:46Speaker 03

  So I...

• 29:46H. Foley?

  It was all styrofoam too.

• 29:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:48H. Foley?

  Man.

• 29:49Speaker 03

  Just a, a, yeah, plastic straw with a turtle attached to it.

• 29:54H. Foley?

  Alright, so would you say Wendy's is your favorite?

• 29:58Speaker 03

  No.

• 29:59H. Foley?

  What is?

• 30:00Speaker 03

  I think it would be like McDonald's. I mean, it has to be.

• 30:03Speaker 01

  A classy lady.

• 30:04Speaker 03

  If I were to say my favorite one.

• 30:06H. Foley?

  Beautiful. Great, great, great answer. And I was gonna say, I'm also a child of the 80's. Roy Rogers back in the day threw out a mean bacon double cheeseburger.

• 30:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, they were great.

• 30:17H. Foley?

  Great.

• 30:17Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 30:18H. Foley?

  Yeah, it was in the foil. It was fantastic. And it all fell apart. What are you gonna do?

• 30:22Speaker 01

  What, uh, shifting from food for a minute unless you have any?

• 30:26H. Foley?

  No, please.

• 30:27Speaker 01

  Pizza Hut or Domino's if you had to?

• 30:30Speaker 03

  Domino's.

• 30:31H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 30:32Speaker 01

  I respect that.

• 30:32H. Foley?

  Okay, I'll give you that.

• 30:33Speaker 03

  I really like, I like Pizza Hut, but I really love Domino's. Like, I, some, you either, people either like it or they don't. Like, I've always liked it.

• 30:42Speaker 01

  Hey, you're preaching to the choir over here.

• 30:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, so I'm hungry.

• 30:46H. Foley?

  Can you whistle with your fingers?

• 30:47Speaker 03

  No.

• 30:48H. Foley?

  Are you double-jointed?

• 30:49Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 30:50H. Foley?

  You are?

• 30:51Speaker 01

  What joints?

• 30:52Speaker 03

  Um, like, I can move this side to side.

• 30:54Speaker 01

  Oh, whoa.

• 30:56Speaker 03

  Do, like, I can move my fingers.

• 30:58H. Foley?

  You can't put the arm back, can you?

• 30:59Speaker 03

  No, I can't even lift a bag.

• 31:03Speaker 01

  Huh. What, uh, what was the last vacation you went on, or where's the next vacation? Anything, not extra, but just what, what are you looking at?

• 31:12Speaker 03

  This is gonna be sad to people. I work so much.

• 31:15Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 31:16Speaker 03

  That I literally barely take a, and if I take a vacation, it's I have a show. Like, it's not good. I have to... But I think the last one was, um, to the Berkshires.

• 31:27Speaker 01

  Very nice. Quiet little weekend.

• 31:29H. Foley?

  Very nice.

• 31:30Speaker 03

  I mean, yeah, I grew up going there every summer and stuff like that.

• 31:33H. Foley?

  Berkshires?

• 31:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, but I don't, it's very hard for me to take a vacation and not work.

• 31:38Speaker 01

  I get it.

• 31:38H. Foley?

  Do you like the beach?

• 31:39Speaker 03

  No.

• 31:40H. Foley?

  No?

• 31:41Speaker 03

  I go, but I don't like it.

• 31:42H. Foley?

  You don't like?

• 31:43Speaker 03

  There's many things I don't like about it.

• 31:44H. Foley?

  Do you like it all-inclusive?

• 31:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 31:47H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 31:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 31:48H. Foley?

  You do a buffet?

• 31:49Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 31:50H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 31:50Speaker 03

  You kidding me? I'd rather a buffet than anything. Just take whatever I want and not...

• 31:54Speaker 01

  No order, no judgment for the order.

• 31:56Speaker 03

  Exactly. Yeah, and everyone else is eating a ton. It's, yeah. But the beach, I, I don't know. I, I don't love the ocean. I go in it if I can see.

• 32:10Speaker 03

  I'll tell you why. I go in it if I can see what's under me, but I was bitten by a jellyfish once.

• 32:15H. Foley?

  Aww.

• 32:15Speaker 03

  And I also...

• 32:17H. Foley?

  You and animals don't get along.

• 32:18Speaker 03

  I see, no, I love animals, but yeah, I don't, um, the ocean is so powerful to me.

• 32:25H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 32:26Speaker 03

  Like, it's so much bigger than me and I, it frightens me, but I go in it.

• 32:30H. Foley?

  I get it. How bad was the jellyfish sting?

• 32:33Speaker 03

  It hurt.

• 32:33H. Foley?

  Yeah?

• 32:34Speaker 03

  A lot. Yeah, it hurt a lot.

• 32:36H. Foley?

  Where was this?

• 32:37Speaker 03

  In Flor- I was a kid.

• 32:38H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 32:38Speaker 03

  In Florida. Also, one time I was, um, my, I went in St. Thomas. My father was out of his mind. Like, very funny, but he would pull pranks and do shit that was like, a lot when you're a kid. So, he was in the boat and I was gonna waterski and I looked down and there were literally a hundred porcupine fish. And I had a nervous breakdown. Like, I was like, "Nah, hee, get me in!" And he's like, "Ha, ha, ha."

• 33:01H. Foley?

  Freak out.

• 33:02Speaker 03

  I just pointed. No wonder why I'm a comedian.

• 33:04H. Foley?

  Sure, I would freak out.

• 33:05Speaker 03

  But that fucking scared me.

• 33:07H. Foley?

  Yeah, cuz it takes so long for the boat to come back and get ya.

• 33:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was a lot.

• 33:10H. Foley?

  I don't waterski.

• 33:10Speaker 03

  And I was on the road, like, if they didn't, like, I didn't know what to do cuz my legs were up, the tissus were out, yeah.

• 33:16H. Foley?

  You ever see the video where the two girls are parasailing and it comes down and they're coming down into like, a pod of sharks?

• 33:22Speaker 03

  Oh!

• 33:23H. Foley?

  It's crazy. You ever seen that?

• 33:25Speaker 03

  Are you fucking kidding me?

• 33:26H. Foley?

  They're freaking out.

• 33:27Speaker 03

  What happened?

• 33:28H. Foley?

  They were alright. They just kinda like dragged them and then finally pulled them in.

• 33:31Speaker 03

  I never saw that.

• 33:32H. Foley?

  They weren't huge sharks. They were like, you know, like, maybe like three, four.

• 33:35Speaker 03

  Can you imagine if you were coming down to, I know.

• 33:36H. Foley?

  Oh, my god.

• 33:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 33:37H. Foley?

  Freak out. Okay. How do you feel about the rotisserie chicken?

• 33:42Speaker 03

  My favorite.

• 33:42H. Foley?

  Good? Good?

• 33:44Speaker 03

  That's, I grew up eating, literally eating that like, almost every night.

• 33:47H. Foley?

  Shout out to the roto. Do you have any binoculars at the house currently?

• 33:51Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 33:51H. Foley?

  Hmm. Why so? When's the last time you used them?

• 33:54Speaker 03

  Because my kids, uh, yeah, my daughter likes it.

• 33:56H. Foley?

  Okay. Huh.

• 33:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 33:58H. Foley?

  Not bad.

• 33:59Speaker 03

  I like binoculars. I don't know what the fuck I just said. That should have been the name of my special. I like binoculars. I feel like everyone will watch it if I said.

• 34:08Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 34:09H. Foley?

  Hi, I'm Robert De Niro. Nice to meet you. I like binoculars.

• 34:13Speaker 03

  I like binoculars.

• 34:14Speaker 01

  Uh, have you been to a TJ Maxx or Marshall's in the last 30 days?

• 34:18H. Foley?

  Come on.

• 34:19Speaker 03

  Yup.

• 34:20H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 34:20Speaker 03

  I just spilled seltzer on myself. Um, I've been to a TJ Maxx because I've been looking for clothes.

• 34:26Speaker 01

  You're looking for clothes? You'll shop for clothes at a TJ Maxx?

• 34:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, why not?

• 34:30Speaker 01

  I'm just asking.

• 34:31Speaker 03

  No, I'm saying like, I feel like those places sometimes have better stuff than...

• 34:35Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 34:36Speaker 03

  The nice.

• 34:36Speaker 01

  Are you going in looking for anything? Or are you going in like, "I need..."

• 34:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:41Speaker 01

  New t-shirts?

• 34:41Speaker 03

  I need new t-shirts.

• 34:42Speaker 01

  You go in with a direction?

• 34:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:44Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 34:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:45Speaker 01

  Very good.

• 34:46Speaker 03

  Because there's so many things in there I wouldn't wear.

• 34:47Speaker 01

  It's chaotic, yeah. You gotta go, you gotta, you gotta have something.

• 34:50Speaker 03

  I'm not wearing a summer dress.

• 34:51Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 34:52H. Foley?

  Any home remedies that you're fond of? Do you have anything that, from the family, that you do specifically? Toothpaste on this, peanut butter on that?

• 35:02Speaker 01

  Onions in the socks.

• 35:03H. Foley?

  Onions in the socks.

• 35:05Speaker 01

  That's big.

• 35:06Speaker 03

  Does someone have onions? Really?

• 35:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, my wife...

• 35:08Speaker 03

  For what?

• 35:08H. Foley?

  For a cold.

• 35:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's like, it's supposed to suck the sun.

• 35:11Speaker 03

  That is hysterical. Um, no, I mean...

• 35:15Speaker 01

  It's Eastern Bloc shit.

• 35:16Speaker 03

  Right. There's different things, um, if you want, like, it's not a remedy, but if you want something to happen when you're Jewish, my mother always says to turn a glass over.

• 35:24Speaker 01

  Really?

• 35:25Speaker 03

  That's a big thing, to, if you want something to, to work out.

• 35:29Speaker 01

  You say like, "Hey, I wanna have a special on Hulu and then turn the thing over?"

• 35:33Speaker 03

  Yes, yes. Um, also, there's also the chicken broth thing. It's a healer for everything. Chicken soup.

• 35:38Speaker 01

  Oh, sure, sure.

• 35:39Speaker 03

  Um, for any cold, any fucking thing. Like, if you have, because I have syphilis now, I should make...

• 35:44Speaker 01

  I heard about the toes.

• 35:45Speaker 03

  I should make chicken broth.

• 35:47Speaker 01

  Okay. Uh, switching back to travel a little bit, what kinda luggage you got?

• 35:52H. Foley?

  Ooh.

• 35:53Speaker 03

  Um, also, teabags for hemorrhoids. Or for, um, if you have a stye in your eye, you put a warm teabag, yeah.

• 36:00H. Foley?

  Hemorrhoids?

• 36:01Speaker 03

  I mean, actually, a man teabagging me. No, um...

• 36:05Speaker 03

  Could you imagine? You have a hemorrhoid and you have a guy sit on your face?

• 36:09Speaker 01

  That's an odd doctor you got.

• 36:12Speaker 03

  What did you ask me?

• 36:14Speaker 01

  Uh...

• 36:14H. Foley?

  You put the teabag on your butthole?

• 36:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, you're supposed to, like, it works for anything that's swollen or irritated.

• 36:21Speaker 01

  That's kind of like a natural...

• 36:22Speaker 03

  You guys are gonna have teabags on your assholes tonight.

• 36:24Speaker 01

  Well, it's funny, they also say Preparation H for bags on your eyes or wrinkles on your eyes. It like tightens it, you know, it tightens it all up there. Uh, what kind of luggage do you have? Do you do name brand luggage?

• 36:36Speaker 03

  No.

• 36:36Speaker 01

  Just whatever you got?

• 36:38Speaker 03

  I'm not a big spender. I have this huge bag that Brian Morton, who you know...

• 36:42Speaker 01

  Yes. Good friend of the show.

• 36:44Speaker 03

  He's great. He does all my stuff online and he brought me this bag one time for merch, because he had to get something to me, and it's this enormous red plastic bag, like enormous, and it has a skull on it.

• 36:58Speaker 01

  And that's what you hear?

• 36:59H. Foley?

  Wait, is that your luggage?

• 36:59Speaker 03

  It's so drug-like, but every time I have it in the, in the, um, airport, people are like, "That's fucking amazing luggage."

• 37:05Speaker 01

  Shit bag, yeah.

• 37:06Speaker 03

  We got it for like twenty dollars at Target.

• 37:08Speaker 01

  No shit.

• 37:08H. Foley?

  Wait, you put your clothes in there?

• 37:10Speaker 03

  Yeah. I just use random bag. I'm not...

• 37:14Speaker 01

  That's insane. For as much as you travel?

• 37:16Speaker 03

  Like, the wheels could be broken and I'm still dragging something sideways down. Yeah, I'm, I have, I'm trying to get better with this stuff. I have a very hard time buying things for myself. I will buy anything for anyone, but, yeah.

• 37:29H. Foley?

  Will you get the reusable bag at the grocery store?

• 37:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:32H. Foley?

  You will?

• 37:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:33H. Foley?

  Will you throw it out?

• 37:33Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 37:34H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 37:35Speaker 01

  Do you ever go to the grocery store with bags? Like, "Oh, I'm taking these bags."

• 37:39Speaker 03

  I have, but I don't normally do that.

• 37:42Speaker 01

  And where are you food shopping now? What's the grocery store you go to?

• 37:45Speaker 03

  Um, I go to like usually, well, I order it online a lot now, to be honest with you, Amazon Fresh and shit like that. But I, I'll go to like Stop & Shop.

• 37:54Speaker 01

  Stop & Shop.

• 37:55Speaker 03

  If I were, if I were in Jersey, I'd go to ShopRite. That was my...

• 37:59Speaker 01

  Shout out ShopRite. Great.

• 38:00Speaker 03

  ShopRite was my...

• 38:01Speaker 01

  A Jersey institution.

• 38:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:02H. Foley?

  Are you flossing every day?

• 38:04Speaker 03

  No.

• 38:04H. Foley?

  Huh. You brushing every day?

• 38:06Speaker 03

  Every day.

• 38:07H. Foley?

  Morning and night?

• 38:08Speaker 03

  Two, three, when you're in a relationship, you have to brush your teeth.

• 38:11H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 38:11Speaker 03

  Unless you're married.

• 38:12H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 38:13Speaker 03

  Then you let go of all of that. You don't care what you look like or smell like or...

• 38:17H. Foley?

  I'm familiar.

• 38:17Speaker 01

  Yes, well, well aware.

• 38:18H. Foley?

  Are you, uh, are you, are you mouthwash?

• 38:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, sometimes.

• 38:22H. Foley?

  What are you using?

• 38:23Speaker 03

  Um, Colgate.

• 38:25H. Foley?

  Hmm.

• 38:25Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 38:26H. Foley?

  Okay. The wrong answer would be Scope. That would be the trashy answer. The right answer would be trashy.

• 38:31Speaker 03

  I used to, I used to use Scope.

• 38:33H. Foley?

  Scope, that's delicious.

• 38:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, it is. I, you drink...

• 38:37H. Foley?

  Unbelievable.

• 38:37Speaker 03

  I love that you just said it's delicious.

• 38:39H. Foley?

  Oh, so much.

• 38:40Speaker 01

  He's got problems.

• 38:40H. Foley?

  So much better than Listerine.

• 38:42Speaker 03

  I hate Listerine.

• 38:43Speaker 01

  I used it this morning. I need to burn.

• 38:45Speaker 03

  Oh, I don't. I don't like it at all.

• 38:47Speaker 01

  I do. Yeah. No. I need it. My wife tries to ask me something. I'm like, shut up. I'm busy burning over here. I can't talk or listen to you.

• 38:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's like getting that high. You just don't want anyone to talk to you.

• 38:58Speaker 01

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• 40:27Speaker 01

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• 41:54Speaker 01

  That's 20% off your first order, code garbage, liquidiv.com. Back to the show. Huh, okay. A few things back to travel real quick. TSA Pre-Check?

• 42:04Speaker 03

  No.

• 42:05Speaker 01

  No?

• 42:06Speaker 03

  I know, I knew you guys were gonna say that.

• 42:08Speaker 01

  What?

• 42:09Speaker 03

  Because I need to get an assistant.

• 42:11Speaker 01

  You're taking your shoes off at the airport?

• 42:13Speaker 03

  No, I have Clear. Yeah, I am taking my-

• 42:16Speaker 01

  Still, yeah, Clear's shoes off.

• 42:17Speaker 03

  No, but I just, I just got an email about Clear, you know, with the, what the fuck it's called, I can't remember what you just asked me.

• 42:25Speaker 01

  TSA Pre-Check.

• 42:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, TSA Pre-Check, like Pre-Check Clear.

• 42:29Speaker 01

  I mean, you can do TSA Pre-Check at a fucking Duane Reade now.

• 42:31Speaker 03

  Really?

• 42:32Speaker 01

  At CBS, yeah.

• 42:33Speaker 03

  Oh, I'll do it then.

• 42:34Speaker 01

  Staples, anywhere, you gotta get, it's A-Buck.

• 42:37H. Foley?

  That's crazy.

• 42:38Speaker 01

  That's crazy.

• 42:39Speaker 03

  Yeah. I feel very judged.

• 42:41Speaker 01

  Welcome to the show. Do you take your shoes off on an airplane?

• 42:45Speaker 03

  No. I mean, sorry, for a long trip, I do.

• 42:49Speaker 01

  Long flight, cross-country.

• 42:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, I will never take my socks off. I think that is absolutely disgusting.

• 42:54Speaker 01

  That's crazy.

• 42:55H. Foley?

  Is it the clicker or the remote?

• 42:59Speaker 03

  That's funny.

• 43:00Speaker 01

  The changer.

• 43:00Speaker 03

  Because I used to say the clicker.

• 43:02H. Foley?

  Oh.

• 43:03Speaker 03

  And now I say remote. But I used to, for years I said the clicker.

• 43:08H. Foley?

  Classing it up a little bit. Clicker.

• 43:09Speaker 01

  How do you, how do you pronounce the, the product that Crayola makes?

• 43:14Speaker 03

  Crayon.

• 43:14Speaker 01

  Crayon.

• 43:15H. Foley?

  That's actually right.

• 43:16Speaker 03

  What am I supposed to say?

• 43:17H. Foley?

  Crayon.

• 43:18Speaker 01

  I say, I say crown.

• 43:20Speaker 03

  No, you don't.

• 43:21Speaker 01

  I do, yeah.

• 43:22Speaker 03

  You're, are you a racist?

• 43:25Speaker 01

  Crown.

• 43:25Speaker 03

  Crown sounds like you have a slate, like it's bad.

• 43:28H. Foley?

  He doesn't like purple.

• 43:29Speaker 03

  I have a very Jersey accent, though. I say, um, uh, coffee.

• 43:34Speaker 01

  Coffee.

• 43:35H. Foley?

  Coffee.

• 43:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, I say coffee.

• 43:36H. Foley?

  Coffee's good.

• 43:36Speaker 01

  That's not bad.

• 43:37Speaker 03

  But you guys are from Philly, so you, you could be saying that, too.

• 43:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, I, I've, yeah, I say a lot of things, not great. Um, crown being one of them.

• 43:45H. Foley?

  Do you bite your nails?

• 43:46Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 43:47H. Foley?

  Okay, where do the nails go?

• 43:49Speaker 03

  Um, either, uh, inside of me?

• 43:53H. Foley?

  You eat it?

• 43:53Speaker 03

  Sometime, like if it's a small thing, I'm being honest, yeah. Um, I sometime, if I'm out in public, I'll, I'll spit it.

• 44:01H. Foley?

  Flick it?

• 44:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, I flick it.

• 44:03H. Foley?

  Behind the couch? No?

• 44:05Speaker 01

  That's where they go. Everybody knows that's where, that's where fingernails live.

• 44:09Speaker 03

  I think that's for men. No, I throw them out.

• 44:10H. Foley?

  You throw them out?

• 44:11Speaker 03

  Or in the toilet, yeah.

• 44:12H. Foley?

  Oh, okay. I'll give you that. Not bad.

• 44:15Speaker 01

  If I'm feeling fancy, I get up and throw them out the window. That's the closest thing.

• 44:18H. Foley?

  Eating ones wild.

• 44:20Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 44:20Speaker 03

  Well, no, not if you're like, if you have a small nail, no. I, I don't think so.

• 44:25H. Foley?

  Do you dip that in the pink sauce?

• 44:28H. Foley?

  Goes good on anything.

• 44:31Speaker 01

  Okay, uh-huh. If you get the mail for the wrong person, like your neighbor, what do you do?

• 44:36Speaker 03

  I throw it out.

• 44:37Speaker 01

  Okay, because you're a goddamn American.

• 44:40Speaker 03

  Are you kidding me?

• 44:43Speaker 03

  It's usually junk.

• 44:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, oh no, yeah, you rarely receive anything.

• 44:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 44:48H. Foley?

  Do you have extra batteries in the house right now?

• 44:50Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 44:51H. Foley?

  Okay, pretty good.

• 44:53Speaker 03

  I actually have an amazing thing that my sister got me on Amazon, because she ordered, when I moved to my apartment, she ordered me a ton of shit.

• 44:59H. Foley?

  Is it the thing that has, it's like a briefcase?

• 45:01Speaker 03

  I'm sorry, but that's really great.

• 45:03H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 45:03Speaker 03

  It's like a briefcase and it has like 50 of every kind of battery. It's great.

• 45:07Speaker 01

  We need one of those. Get one for the studio, our goddamn production company.

• 45:10Speaker 03

  It comes in a red case, it's great.

• 45:12Speaker 01

  I don't know what he does, they pay him a pretty good salary. Every time I talk, he's like, can you pick me up batteries? We need batteries, we're stopping to get back. She's got you, get the briefcase of batteries.

• 45:20Speaker 03

  It's great.

• 45:21H. Foley?

  What's your main credit card these days? What do you like? Your Amex, your Visa, MasterCard, Discover?

• 45:25Speaker 01

  It's gotta be Delta Amex.

• 45:26Speaker 03

  I use a Delta Amex and I use a, um, you know, Chase card. Business card.

• 45:32Speaker 01

  Do you like collecting the points? Are you a big points gal?

• 45:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:35Speaker 01

  Do you use them ever?

• 45:37Speaker 03

  Um, I use the points on Delta, but I don't use... It's so... You guys are like reading my mind because I just thought recently I have to like contact Amex and see what I can do, what I have.

• 45:48Speaker 01

  Uh, listen, the one that we were talking about, nice hotels. Uh, the only time we'll stay at a really nice hotels is we travel a lot of us, so we can't do that.

• 45:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:56Speaker 01

  We travel like five guys, but when it's me and him flying somewhere to do pods or whatever, if it's just me and him, we'll use our Amex points for like a Ritz Carlton or something.

• 46:04Speaker 03

  It's great.

• 46:04Speaker 01

  We've done it twice, but I mean...

• 46:06Speaker 03

  How many points is that if you wanted to use them?

• 46:08Speaker 01

  I don't think it's crazy. See how many... It's not nuts. And if you get someone smart at it, who probably Morton's smart at it, you can like convert them to Amex, to Delta, back to whatever, and you can really get it. But they treat you like royalty. We thought we were gonna get treated like schmucks because we booked on points.

• 46:25Speaker 03

  Right, right.

• 46:26Speaker 01

  So we were a little embarrassed.

• 46:27H. Foley?

  You won a contest.

• 46:28Speaker 01

  We have complexes about that stuff. We feel like we don't belong in those nice places.

• 46:31Speaker 03

  I understand, yeah.

• 46:32Speaker 01

  And they were all dead. They... They treat you even better because you're... They're like, oh, you've spent so much money.

• 46:38Speaker 03

  Right.

• 46:38Speaker 01

  To get here.

• 46:39Speaker 03

  By the way, I am like you guys that way, where I feel like I don't deserve to stay at the Ritz Carlton.

• 46:44Speaker 01

  Oh, of course.

• 46:44Speaker 03

  And I feel weird and like I'm not fancy enough. Like, I really have that.

• 46:48Speaker 01

  Well, that being said, he is walking through the lobby barefoot. So like, we really don't belong there. And we're not allowed back to the one in Austin. That's...

• 46:56Speaker 03

  Really?

• 46:57Speaker 01

  That came in writing.

• 46:57H. Foley?

  I didn't realize I was on trial here.

• 47:00Speaker 01

  No, we're allowed back.

• 47:00Speaker 03

  Oh, okay. I'm so gullible. I'm like, what did you do?

• 47:03H. Foley?

  Did you... Have you ever signed up for a credit card on the plane?

• 47:07Speaker 03

  Once.

• 47:07H. Foley?

  Oh, my God.

• 47:09Speaker 01

  Me too. Delta.

• 47:09Speaker 03

  Years ago.

• 47:12H. Foley?

  Sixty thousand points, why not?

• 47:13Speaker 01

  I did it for thirty-five thousand points.

• 47:15Speaker 03

  When I had no money, yeah.

• 47:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, you hear that and you go, "My name's not attached to anything with fifty thousand."

• 47:21Speaker 03

  I mean, like you guys, I was poor for years doing stand-up. Like, I had no money, yeah.

• 47:25H. Foley?

  Filling out a credit card form with a golf pencil is a tough look. Woo! What about a diners club? You ever at diners club?

• 47:33Speaker 03

  No.

• 47:34H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 47:35Speaker 03

  No.

• 47:35H. Foley?

  Discover? You ever have a Discover card?

• 47:37Speaker 03

  Of course I had a Discover. I had a rush jean jacket.

• 47:42Speaker 01

  How do you think you got the card?

• 47:43H. Foley?

  It's good.

• 47:43Speaker 01

  Uh, have you ever shopped on QVC?

• 47:47Speaker 03

  Um, I, I probably did like once or twice, but I don't, yeah. No, yeah. I was, uh, I, I just was never into that. But I get why people are addicted to it, my god.

• 48:00Speaker 01

  Uh-huh. Do, uh, do you ever play the lottery, the daily numbers, the scratchers or anything? Do you ever get really into it?

• 48:06Speaker 03

  I'm not really into it, but I've done it. I love to gamble, so...

• 48:10Speaker 01

  Really?

• 48:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, really, really love it.

• 48:13H. Foley?

  Where, at the tables at a casino?

• 48:14Speaker 03

  I haven't done the tables in a long time, but I'm telling you, I can't, a thousand times I've been to casinos and played blackjack all night.

• 48:22H. Foley?

  Really?

• 48:23Speaker 01

  You do well?

• 48:24Speaker 03

  I do. Yeah, I, I have to not sit with people who don't play right. I have a big thing about it.

• 48:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:30Speaker 03

  So instead of getting hostile and be like, "What are you doing? Why are you splitting tens?" Like, I get fucking crazy. I just get up and go to another table.

• 48:38Speaker 01

  Smart.

• 48:38Speaker 03

  But I've done pretty well playing blackjack. I play by the book.

• 48:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:42Speaker 03

  But now I play slots on my phone and it's a problem.

• 48:44Speaker 01

  You're playing slots on your phone? For real money? Or like points?

• 48:48Speaker 03

  I buy the coins and then, um...

• 48:51Speaker 01

  Write that down.

• 48:52H. Foley?

  The Berkshires, huh?

• 48:53Speaker 03

  I'm addicted to it.

• 48:55Speaker 01

  Really?

• 48:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm an addict, so that's my...

• 48:57Speaker 01

  You have one game or do you play multiple games, like?

• 48:58Speaker 03

  No, I play like on a thing that has like fifty kind of slot games, and then I go from one to the next. Whoa. Yeah. I mean, a lot of people will leave shows and do like cocaine and I'm like on fucking, you know.

• 49:11Speaker 01

  Cherry, cherry, cherry, yeah. Okay.

• 49:13Speaker 03

  And it's real, you know what it is? My brain is so crazy. So it's like I see just images and numbers and I'm not thinking about anything. Cause my brain is always, right, you know, you guys are probably like that too.

• 49:24Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 49:26Speaker 01

  Man.

• 49:26H. Foley?

  You got a Swiffer at the house?

• 49:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:28H. Foley?

  Okay, what's the vacuum cleaner?

• 49:31Speaker 03

  Um.

• 49:31H. Foley?

  You got Dyson?

• 49:32Speaker 03

  I have a Dyson.

• 49:33Speaker 01

  Look at you, good for you.

• 49:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:35H. Foley?

  Alright.

• 49:35Speaker 01

  Not bad.

• 49:36H. Foley?

  If we came over to the, uh, the house right now, um, and you offered us water, what would you be giving us? Would it be a bottle? Would it be a Brita? Would it be?

• 49:45Speaker 03

  Bottle.

• 49:46H. Foley?

  Bottle of?

• 49:47Speaker 03

  Poland Springs.

• 49:48H. Foley?

  Poland Spring? Okay.

• 49:49Speaker 03

  Sometimes Fiji.

• 49:51H. Foley?

  Okay, okay.

• 49:53Speaker 03

  I had the one, you know, the tank where you, I never used, I mean, it was ridiculous.

• 49:57Speaker 01

  I did that too. I just got rid, I had it for years, I just got rid of it.

• 50:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's like a waste if you're not gonna, whatever.

• 50:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:02H. Foley?

  If we were at the house and we opened up the refrigerator, would there be anything expired in there?

• 50:09Speaker 03

  No, and I'll tell you why. There might be that I didn't notice, but I grew up in a house where everything was expired. Every fucking thing, like the cheese had confetti. So I am traumatized. I know some people understand this.

• 50:24H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 50:24Speaker 03

  I am tra- like I smell water. Like I am traumatized.

• 50:28H. Foley?

  I smell water.

• 50:29Speaker 03

  By food. Like that's gone bad. Or so, even if the milk says, you know, June, whatever, I'm smelling it.

• 50:35H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 50:36Speaker 03

  I, it was bad. So I, there was rotten meat, there was, it was, so I can't do it.

• 50:42H. Foley?

  You smell the milk?

• 50:43Speaker 03

  Every time.

• 50:44H. Foley?

  That's a good one. That's a real good one.

• 50:45Speaker 03

  Even if it's.

• 50:46H. Foley?

  Do you smell the milk?

• 50:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, I do.

• 50:47H. Foley?

  Do you shake the milk? You shake milk up?

• 50:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 50:50Speaker 01

  My dad did that. I never understood it. He would shake it up and then pour it into cereal. It's crazy.

• 50:57H. Foley?

  I always shake it up too.

• 50:58Speaker 03

  I do too.

• 50:58H. Foley?

  I don't know why.

• 50:59Speaker 03

  I shake the milk, um, but yeah, I'm really, even if it expires like a week later, I have to throw it out.

• 51:08Speaker 01

  What, uh, say you're at home and you're making bacon. How do you make that bacon? Microwave, pan, or oven?

• 51:14Speaker 03

  I'd say pan or microwave.

• 51:16Speaker 01

  Microwave's not good.

• 51:17Speaker 03

  I microwave a lot of shit. I do.

• 51:21Speaker 01

  That just hit me to the core. Like what?

• 51:24Speaker 03

  Um.

• 51:25Speaker 01

  If you, you know.

• 51:26Speaker 03

  I mean, I heat up everything.

• 51:29Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 51:29Speaker 03

  Even if I, I have coffee the entire day until nighttime. It's cold.

• 51:34Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 51:35Speaker 03

  And I will put it in the microwave.

• 51:36Speaker 01

  Microwave, that's what my mom does.

• 51:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, or I'll drink coffee, like if I'm on the road, I'll drink the same coffee that I had from the morning at night.

• 51:43Speaker 01

  When it's that cold, it's got a nice little, nice little zest to it.

• 51:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 51:47H. Foley?

  Is there anything that you will eat cold? Like say you have leftovers in the fridge the night before, where you have like some cold lasagna or something like that?

• 51:53Speaker 03

  Yes, I have no problem with cold food.

• 51:55H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 51:55Speaker 03

  I, I always eat cold food.

• 51:58H. Foley?

  I respect it. Good stuff. Okay.

• 52:00Speaker 03

  Like I'll put food in the, on the road in the fridge and then just take it out and eat it that I had the night before. Chicken or whatever.

• 52:08Speaker 01

  Now, okay. What's, you know, you're a very successful comedian, you're doing very big venues. What's the rider looking like? Anything on, I mean, I know you're not like, you don't have like a...

• 52:19Speaker 03

  I'm curious what your rider is because I'm curious, yeah.

• 52:22H. Foley?

  Bottle of Jameson and gummy bears.

• 52:24Speaker 01

  Bottle of Jameson, gummy bears and Bud, and a domestic light beer.

• 52:28Speaker 03

  So no snacks?

• 52:30Speaker 01

  Nah, they'll throw, they'll throw, well, we had, somebody, I, somebody, an agent or somebody put on like sandwiches, but they would get like us gas station sandwiches. And I'm like, no one's eating these. We don't want, you don't want a tuna fish sandwich that's been sitting there for a week.

• 52:45H. Foley?

  I eat them.

• 52:46Speaker 01

  So, um.

• 52:47Speaker 03

  I would too.

• 52:47Speaker 01

  We got rid of that. We'll normally do like an Uber Eats or something.

• 52:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, I do that a lot.

• 52:51Speaker 01

  It's just the easiest thing.

• 52:52Speaker 03

  No, I have, I have to change it because like I ask for pretzels and they give me three huge bags. I'm not, I'm every single weekend.

• 52:59Speaker 01

  You're like, what do I do?

• 53:00Speaker 03

  Yeah. Three enormous bags of pretzels every night. So I'm like doing a different place each night. And so I have six huge bags.

• 53:07Speaker 01

  Coming up with nine, yeah.

• 53:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, nine bags. Um, and then I get sliced turkey cheese.

• 53:11Speaker 01

  Wow, we should be doing that.

• 53:13Speaker 03

  It's great.

• 53:14Speaker 01

  Sliced lunch meat.

• 53:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, I get sliced turkey from, they get it at the market.

• 53:18Speaker 01

  That's amazing.

• 53:18Speaker 03

  Cheese. I get cheese.

• 53:20Speaker 01

  And you're just doing roll ups or you're doing bread?

• 53:22Speaker 03

  I do bread or roll ups, but I, yeah, and then, um, and then I do, I'm getting rid of this, the vegetable platter, because no one eats it.

• 53:30Speaker 01

  No one touches it.

• 53:30Speaker 03

  I get some fruit, and sometimes it's just like an apple and banana, and sometimes it's like a really nice fruit.

• 53:35Speaker 01

  Fruit tray.

• 53:37Speaker 03

  I do, I have to have espresso, I get four espressos, and it has to be, yeah, Starbucks.

• 53:44Speaker 01

  They come Starbucks, they'll have four Starbucks.

• 53:46Speaker 03

  Coffee's my thing. If you just give me coffee, and like pretzels and a piece of cheese, I'm fine.

• 53:51H. Foley?

  Four espressos?

• 53:53Speaker 03

  Because I'll take two, and then I take two back to the hotel for the next morning.

• 53:56Speaker 01

  Oh, you're a dirtbag.

• 53:57Speaker 03

  I'm pretty, I'm a dirtbag.

• 53:58Speaker 01

  That's, that's dirtbag shit.

• 54:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:00Speaker 01

  I mean, I respect you.

• 54:01H. Foley?

  Grab the espresso.

• 54:02Speaker 03

  I take everything.

• 54:04Speaker 01

  Well, you're staying at a Marriott, you're getting an espresso at a Marriott.

• 54:06Speaker 03

  I take every, no, you can a lot very early in the morning, there's nowhere to, and the co-

• 54:09Speaker 01

  I guess it depends where, too.

• 54:10Speaker 03

  And with the coffee in the room, it usually tastes like urine, I add, um-

• 54:15Speaker 01

  You're not making coffee in the room, you're not using that coffee pot, are you?

• 54:18Speaker 03

  I always-

• 54:20Speaker 01

  That's fucking nuts.

• 54:21H. Foley?

  What?

• 54:22Speaker 03

  Always.

• 54:22Speaker 01

  People pee in that.

• 54:24H. Foley?

  You're using the coffee machine?

• 54:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:27H. Foley?

  In the hotel room?

• 54:28Speaker 03

  Not in like a shitty shitty hotel room, but in a nicer hotel, I mean, a lot of times they have espresso things now. You know?

• 54:35H. Foley?

  They do. They got the George Clooney, what is it, Nescafe or whatever it is?

• 54:39Speaker 03

  George Clooney.

• 54:40H. Foley?

  He's spokesman.

• 54:41Speaker 01

  That guy's got coffee now?

• 54:43Speaker 03

  I thought you said George Clooney and made a mistake that it was George Foreman, and I started laughing, but it is George.

• 54:49H. Foley?

  George Foreman's espresso maker?

• 54:52Speaker 03

  He died.

• 54:52H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 54:53Speaker 01

  Uh, wow.

• 54:54H. Foley?

  Shout out to the big guy.

• 54:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, a lot of times we have to, we'll like leave it there or give it to the staff, because if we're flying, it's like, you know.

• 55:02Speaker 03

  Oh, I always do that.

• 55:03Speaker 01

  By the end of, I'm like, we can't fly with a bottle of Jameson.

• 55:06Speaker 03

  I always do that, too.

• 55:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, you always, like, the housekeeping people take it.

• 55:12Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 55:12Speaker 03

  They always say that.

• 55:13Speaker 01

  You say, you know, you say you're somewhere for one night, and somewhere for a weekend. One night, what are you tipping the, the, the cleaning people? What are you leaving on the, on the dresser?

• 55:24Speaker 03

  Oh, I always tip. Mm-hmm. I have to tip. Yeah. I, it, like, I, I hate that people don't tip.

• 55:30H. Foley?

  Five, ten, twenty?

• 55:31Speaker 03

  I, I will normally leave ten if I'm staying, like, two nights, twenty. Yeah. If I'm in a suite, twenty.

• 55:39H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 55:39Speaker 03

  Cause it's a big, it's like two rooms. Yeah.

• 55:41Speaker 01

  Have you let them come in? Like, are you like, hey?

• 55:44Speaker 03

  No.

• 55:44Speaker 01

  No, you're just...

• 55:45Speaker 03

  I've become very private. There's reasons why, but I just...

• 55:48H. Foley?

  Get me at the end.

• 55:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's what I do.

• 55:49Speaker 01

  I'm the same way.

• 55:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:50H. Foley?

  I don't need you folding the sheets again and tucking them under.

• 55:53Speaker 03

  No, I don't want them, yeah.

• 55:54H. Foley?

  You like the sheets untucked, or do you like them tucked?

• 55:56Speaker 03

  Untucked.

• 55:57H. Foley?

  Untucked, excellent. Any turquoise jewelry?

• 56:00Speaker 03

  I only used to wear turquoise jewelry. For a long time, cause that's like artsy-fartsy, dirt-bad, you know?

• 56:07Speaker 01

  That's crazy.

• 56:08Speaker 03

  I only wear silver.

• 56:09H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 56:10Speaker 03

  I don't like gold.

• 56:11H. Foley?

  You don't like gold?

• 56:11Speaker 03

  Like, I'm all silver.

• 56:12H. Foley?

  All silver?

• 56:13Speaker 03

  Um...

• 56:14H. Foley?

  Alright.

• 56:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, but I, I don't wear turquoise, I love turquoise jewelry, but I don't wear it anymore.

• 56:19Speaker 01

  What's the name of the high school you went to?

• 56:21Speaker 03

  Columbia.

• 56:22Speaker 01

  Columbia High School?

• 56:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 56:23Speaker 01

  What was the mascot?

• 56:24Speaker 03

  Um, I, I think it was, oh my god, can you believe I can't remember? A tiger? If it's like a fish, I'm gonna die laughing.

• 56:31Speaker 01

  Columbia High School in, we're gonna see what we do if we find out if our guest is on the notable alumni from their high school.

• 56:37Speaker 04

  So, they have an interesting setup over here.

• 56:40Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 56:40Speaker 04

  They have their notable alumni list, and then they have a weird note of other notable alumni not currently in the Hall of Fame include... And Jessica Kirsten is on that list.

• 56:49Speaker 01

  Hey! Not in the Hall of Fame, though!

• 56:51Speaker 04

  Not in the Hall of Fame.

• 56:52Speaker 03

  Which is so weird.

• 56:53Speaker 01

  Who's in the Hall of Fame?

• 56:54Speaker 03

  Zach.

• 56:54Speaker 01

  We have to get in the Hall of Fame.

• 56:55Speaker 03

  My stepbrother's Zach.

• 56:56Speaker 01

  Zach's in the Hall of Fame.

• 56:57Speaker 03

  Of course. Zach Braff, um, um, what's her name? Lauren Hill.

• 57:01Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 57:01Speaker 03

  Roy Scheider.

• 57:02Speaker 01

  Lauren Hill?

• 57:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 57:04Speaker 01

  Sam, what the fuck kind of school is this?

• 57:05Speaker 04

  This is one of the craziest notable alumni, it's so long.

• 57:08H. Foley?

  Hit the list!

• 57:08Speaker 04

  Uh...

• 57:10Speaker 01

  Give me the heavy hit, I mean, obviously, Lauren, like Lauren Hill of Lauren Hill?

• 57:13Speaker 03

  Lauren and, yeah, Lauren and Zach were friends.

• 57:15Speaker 04

  Uh... Elizabeth Shue?

• 57:17Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, the Shoes.

• 57:18H. Foley?

  Whoa.

• 57:19Speaker 01

  Who's Elizabeth Shue?

• 57:19Speaker 03

  John Shue and Elizabeth, yeah. John Shue and, she's bea-, she's beautiful.

• 57:23Speaker 01

  Who?

• 57:23H. Foley?

  I know that name. That's just babysitting?

• 57:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 57:25H. Foley?

  I was in love with her.

• 57:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, John Shue.

• 57:26H. Foley?

  Camel hair coat?

• 57:28Speaker 03

  Is a huge actor. He was on, um... The first show with, like, friends living in a complex.

• 57:34Speaker 04

  Oh, Elizabeth Shue?

• 57:36H. Foley?

  No, the second one you were talking about.

• 57:37Speaker 04

  Oh, then there's a lot of, like, uh, scientists and, like, a lot of smart people.

• 57:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's a very good high school.

• 57:42Speaker 01

  Wow!

• 57:42H. Foley?

  That's pretty cool.

• 57:44Speaker 01

  What's the mascot?

• 57:45Speaker 04

  Let me pull that up.

• 57:48Speaker 01

  In Maplewood?

• 57:49Speaker 03

  Yep, it was amazing.

• 57:51Speaker 01

  That's not that far from Philly, no?

• 57:52Speaker 03

  No, it's, well, it's like an hour and a half.

• 57:54Speaker 01

  An hour, okay. An hour and a half, okay.

• 57:55H. Foley?

  Cougars.

• 57:56Speaker 01

  The cougar, there you go.

• 57:57Speaker 03

  Right, so I was close, yeah.

• 57:58H. Foley?

  Yeah, there you go. Give me that. You're on the, you're on the notable alum, baby.

• 58:02Speaker 01

  That's pretty good. We're not. Bullshit. Still, no one's out of us after we've been doing this, doing this bit for six months.

• 58:08H. Foley?

  We got cereal at the house?

• 58:09Speaker 03

  What?

• 58:10H. Foley?

  We got cereal at the house?

• 58:11Speaker 03

  A lot.

• 58:12H. Foley?

  Is it on top of the refrigerator or is it in the cabinet?

• 58:14Speaker 03

  It's so funny you said that. If I could put it on top of the refrigerator, it would be. Cause I used to do that, I mean, all the time, but now there's no room, but it's in the cabinet, yeah.

• 58:26Speaker 03

  I had Grape-Nuts this morning.

• 58:28H. Foley?

  Get out of here.

• 58:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 58:29H. Foley?

  Love them.

• 58:30Speaker 03

  Love them.

• 58:30H. Foley?

  Soak them up, let them get a little soggy.

• 58:32Speaker 03

  They're so good.

• 58:33H. Foley?

  They are.

• 58:33Speaker 03

  You ever have it with banana?

• 58:34H. Foley?

  Of course.

• 58:35Speaker 03

  So good.

• 58:35H. Foley?

  Yeah, banana, a little sugar.

• 58:37Speaker 01

  Was he an asshole? Of course he is.

• 58:38Speaker 03

  You know what? It's so good with a little sugar and banana.

• 58:41H. Foley?

  They're so good. And very underrated.

• 58:44Speaker 01

  Do you have any half-used gift cards currently?

• 58:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 58:47Speaker 01

  To where, do you think?

• 58:49Speaker 03

  Um, to Macy's, Starbucks, um...

• 58:55Speaker 01

  Pretty good ones, I'll give you that.

• 58:57Speaker 03

  Amazon.

• 58:58Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 59:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's it.

• 59:00Speaker 01

  Ah, that's pretty good. That's good. Can't throw shade at that.

• 59:04H. Foley?

  Do you enjoy, or are you grossed out by popping a pimple?

• 59:09Speaker 03

  Okay, so I'm, I enjoy it on myself.

• 59:12H. Foley?

  Not on somebody else?

• 59:13Speaker 03

  No, unless it's my child.

• 59:15H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 59:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, that would never gross me out.

• 59:17H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 59:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 59:18H. Foley?

  That makes sense. Classy answer.

• 59:20Speaker 01

  Do you have, uh, at the house, a pepper shaker or a pepper grinder?

• 59:25Speaker 03

  Shaker.

• 59:26Speaker 01

  Whoa. You gotta step your game up.

• 59:29H. Foley?

  No fresh pe- cracked pepper?

• 59:31Speaker 03

  I like fresh, fresh cracked pepper.

• 59:33Speaker 01

  Ah, that's a tongue twister.

• 59:35Speaker 03

  I like cracked fresh pepper. Um, but no, I'm lazy.

• 59:39Speaker 01

  Uh huh, okay.

• 59:41Speaker 03

  Because it has to do with doing something nice for myself. Like, if I thought my kids would enjoy it, or

• 59:45Speaker 01

  You would get it, yeah.

• 59:46Speaker 03

  My partner, you know, I would in a second, but I, I'm not gonna like, I just don't do it for myself.

• 59:51H. Foley?

  What's the salt at the house? You doing Himalayan sea salt? You doing sea salt?

• 59:54Speaker 03

  I'm doing sea salt.

• 59:56H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 59:56Speaker 03

  But not Himalayan.

• 59:57H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 59:58Speaker 03

  I don't like those people. But I'm doing, I'm doing sea salt.

• 1:00:01Speaker 01

  First person I know has beef with the Himalayans.

• 1:00:03H. Foley?

  They say it's a bit of a scam.

• 1:00:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:05H. Foley?

  And not great for you.

• 1:00:06Speaker 01

  I mean, listen, I don't know on this one.

• 1:00:09H. Foley?

  What?

• 1:00:11H. Foley?

  Are you nuts? Hey, pepperoni combo.

• 1:00:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're right, I'm sorry.

• 1:00:16Speaker 03

  That's a slum.

• 1:00:17H. Foley?

  What are we talking about?

• 1:00:18Speaker 03

  Pepperoni combo.

• 1:00:19H. Foley?

  She's eating her fingernails.

• 1:00:21Speaker 01

  She's shaking the milk.

• 1:00:22Speaker 03

  Oh, come on.

• 1:00:23H. Foley?

  Pink sauce.

• 1:00:24Speaker 03

  I don't take, like, if I had a little hangnail, I'm talking about.

• 1:00:27Speaker 01

  (laughing).

• 1:00:28Speaker 03

  I'm not like.

• 1:00:29Speaker 01

  She's got dry toes, she's a lot going on over here.

• 1:00:31H. Foley?

  She's saving the espresso, she's using the coffee machine in the hotel room.

• 1:00:34Speaker 01

  You're right, I'm sorry.

• 1:00:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:37H. Foley?

  She, she, her luggage is from the warlocks.

• 1:00:39Speaker 03

  And I'm proud of it, I'm proud of it.

• 1:00:41Speaker 01

  She had a rush denim jacket.

• 1:00:42H. Foley?

  A rush denim jacket.

• 1:00:44Speaker 01

  Man, I'm glad we put you back through.

• 1:00:46Speaker 03

  Major, major, major pothead, I was a major pothead.

• 1:00:49H. Foley?

  Saw Genesis back in the day, though.

• 1:00:51Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 1:00:52H. Foley?

  Very classy.

• 1:00:53Speaker 03

  I followed the dead.

• 1:00:54H. Foley?

  Very classy first.

• 1:00:55Speaker 03

  I followed the Grateful Dead.

• 1:00:56Speaker 01

  Jesus Christ.

• 1:00:57Speaker 03

  I did fucking mushrooms and, and, you know, sucked out of balloons and fucking

• 1:01:03Speaker 03

  sold ice pops.

• 1:01:04H. Foley?

  She's got the Swiffer.

• 1:01:06Speaker 01

  That's pretty good.

• 1:01:07H. Foley?

  That's very good.

• 1:01:08Speaker 01

  What's the day-to-day car?

• 1:01:09Speaker 03

  Um, now, it's a Lincoln Nautilus.

• 1:01:12H. Foley?

  Respectable?

• 1:01:13Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:01:14Speaker 01

  That's what I got turned down for.

• 1:01:15Speaker 03

  Really? No.

• 1:01:17Speaker 01

  I got denied, yeah, I swear to God, they denied me.

• 1:01:21Speaker 01

  But I'm, listen.

• 1:01:22H. Foley?

  Ladies and gentlemen.

• 1:01:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, you gotta render it.

• 1:01:24H. Foley?

  Official ruling, Jessica Kirson, 100% garbage.

• 1:01:28Speaker 03

  I'm so happy.

• 1:01:30H. Foley?

  But the absolute best.

• 1:01:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, we love ya.

• 1:01:33H. Foley?

  Brand-new special out right now on Hulu, I'm the Man, truly, one of the funniest people.

• 1:01:38Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 1:01:39Speaker 01

  Not even close, yes.

• 1:01:40H. Foley?

  Working in comedy today, an absolute killer, we know most of you guys are familiar with her, if you're not, go check out the special, go check out her show, she will absolutely blow you away, she's one of the absolute best, and we love her.

• 1:01:51Speaker 03

  Thank you, I love you guys so much, thank you.

• 1:01:53Speaker 01

  Thanks for coming.

• 1:01:54H. Foley?

  Anything else you want the folks out there to know when this comes out, any dates coming up in a little bit?

• 1:01:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, I have a lot of dates coming up, so if they go to jessicacurson.com, and that's my whole schedule, and also, a big TikTok, YouTube, and Instagram following.

• 1:02:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, you're fucking, you're, she's, if you're not familiar, just go, you know, go look at her YouTube, any Instagram, I mean, she's fucking a behemoth.

• 1:02:14H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:15Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 1:02:15H. Foley?

  One of the biggest, one of the best.

• 1:02:17Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 1:02:17H. Foley?

  Unbelievable, Kippee, what do you got for them?

• 1:02:18Speaker 01

  Uh, our tour dates are on sale right now as well, tickets are going fast, uh, get them before they're gone, and the AYG card game available at areyougarbage.com.

• 1:02:27H. Foley?

  Gang, we love ya, Jessica, we love ya.

• 1:02:29Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:02:29Speaker 03

  Love you too.

• 1:02:30H. Foley?

  We'll see you next week.

• 1:02:35Speaker 05

  The sausage muffin with egg extra value meal includes a hash brown and a small coffee for just $5. Only at McDonald's for a limited time.

• 1:02:44Speaker 06

  Price and participation may vary. Promotion pricing may be lower than meal pricing.