House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent

Are You Garbage presents comedian and podcast host Sam Tallent! We're talking poison ham, buying a home and traveling the world. You know Sam Tallent from stand up comedy, the Joe Rogan Experience, Kill Tony, Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast w/ Shane Gillis, Sam Tallent's Wide World, Stavvy's World, Soder, You Be Trippin with Ari Shaffir, James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan and so much more! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Square: Right now, you can get up to $200 off Square hardware at https://square.com/go/GARBAGE Bilt Rewards: Start paying rent through Bilt and take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to https://joinbilt.com/garbage Factor: Get started at https://factormeals.com/garbage50off and use code garbage50off to get 50 percent off plus FREE shipping on your first box. Mint Mobile: Get your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans at https://mintmobile.com/GARBAGE. Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00H. Foley?

  Gang, we got a big announcement. The Back on the Block Tour is going on sale tomorrow, Thursday, 10 a.m.

• 0:05Speaker 01

  Local time.

• 0:06H. Foley?

  Woo! Do yourself a favor, get some tickets. We're coming to a city near you. We're doing big shows, some of our favorite spots. We can't wait to see you out there.

• 0:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, starting in September, we're in San Francisco, Portland, Seattle, then Burlington, Vermont, Boston, Massachusetts, Atlanta, Georgia, Charlotte, North Carolina, Raleigh, North Carolina, Richmond, Virginia, Baltimore, Maryland, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, at the Met. The biggest show we've ever done.

• 0:28H. Foley?

  Let's go!

• 0:29Speaker 01

  Then we're doing Rochester, New York, and Toronto, Canada. All tickets are on sale, 10 a.m., your local time, local time of the city. Get them at RUGarbage.com, do it.

• 0:36H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 0:37Speaker 02

  Welcome to another exciting edition of RU Garbage. The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.

• 0:56H. Foley?

  Hey! We're getting somewhere. Everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is RU Garbage.

• 1:02Speaker 01

  Aye!

• 1:03H. Foley?

  It's that little show, we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that they're good to be classy.

• 1:07Speaker 01

  Yeah!

• 1:08H. Foley?

  But they're just a big old piece of trash.

• 1:09Speaker 01

  Trash, trash, trash!

• 1:10H. Foley?

  I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in the new edition. She just hopped back from the Wu-Tang concert.

• 1:17Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:18H. Foley?

  She was hanging out with the boys, late night. She'll be sleeping one off today.

• 1:23Speaker 01

  She'll have to riz it.

• 1:24H. Foley?

  My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He is what we call the CEO of RU Garbage. He is an international businessman, and he's my best pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan.

• 1:35Speaker 01

  What up, gang? Shout out to you, thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube, also full video available now on Spotify over there. Check that out. Uh, and then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com/rugarbage. You go over there, you get all that bonus content, gang.

• 1:53H. Foley?

  Yes, sir, and gang, we couldn't be more excited about our incredibly, and I mean incredibly special guest. He's back with us again today. I think it's his third time or fourth time on the show.

• 2:02Speaker 01

  Third time, I believe.

• 2:03H. Foley?

  Very funny stand-up comedian, accomplished author.

• 2:06Speaker 01

  Uh-huh.

• 2:07H. Foley?

  Random House author.

• 2:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:09H. Foley?

  All right? He's gonna be over in the UK in May, he's gonna be in Australia in July, but we got him right here at Tooties. Give it up for the one, the only, Mr. Sam Talan, everybody.

• 2:18Speaker 01

  Yeah!

• 2:19H. Foley?

  Man!

• 2:20Speaker 01

  Sammy!

• 2:21H. Foley?

  Man, you really fired it up for that one.

• 2:24H. Foley?

  I can turn it on when I need to.

• 2:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, you were like morose when I got here.

• 2:28Speaker 01

  It's like someone hits him with a shot of beef tallow. Fucking jumps right up.

• 2:32Speaker 03

  You were like Dominique Wilkins from the free throw line.

• 2:34H. Foley?

  I had a Kraft Singles in the bathroom.

• 2:36Speaker 03

  Oh, is that what that rapper sound was?

• 2:38H. Foley?

  Juice me up a little bit.

• 2:41H. Foley?

  I go yellow, not white.

• 2:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, hey, no one accused you of anything else. Man, that white, you guys love the white, that fake provolone shit?

• 2:49H. Foley?

  I do.

• 2:50Speaker 01

  Growing up, that white was, uh, even in Philly too, it was always white. New York's more yellow.

• 2:56H. Foley?

  Yeah, never had yellow cheese growing up. Except for with Alvida.

• 2:59Speaker 03

  I always thought the white stuff was like, oh, maybe one day if I save up.

• 3:02H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 3:03Speaker 01

  It's all the same price, right?

• 3:05Speaker 03

  I don't know.

• 3:06H. Foley?

  There's a different flavor too, from the Kraft yellow Singles to the Kraft white Singles. The Kraft white Singles have a little bit of a sweeter, uh, finish to it.

• 3:14Speaker 03

  They're tangy and they melt better, I think.

• 3:16H. Foley?

  Which I appreciate.

• 3:17Speaker 01

  Luke, give me a, give me a, give me a price point on a, what, 16 pack of white and a 16 pack of yellow?

• 3:22H. Foley?

  They gotta be the same.

• 3:23Speaker 03

  Just a couple of singles over here.

• 3:25Speaker 01

  I got a couple of free samples.

• 3:26Speaker 03

  You said I could have whatever I want.

• 3:28Speaker 01

  Slice thin if you don't.

• 3:29H. Foley?

  Try it out a little bit.

• 3:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, if you're gonna make like a, like a, like a melty, cheesy, beefy sandwich, I think that white cheese is superior.

• 3:35H. Foley?

  Of course.

• 3:36Speaker 01

  That's, that was always...

• 3:37H. Foley?

  Even the fancy chefs will say that. That American cheese is the best for, for, for cheeseburgers.

• 3:42Speaker 01

  Talk to a lot of fancy chefs, do you?

• 3:44H. Foley?

  Yeah, I do.

• 3:44Speaker 01

  Rubbing elbows?

• 3:45H. Foley?

  Yeah, that's right.

• 3:46Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 3:46H. Foley?

  Michelin star.

• 3:47Speaker 03

  It's not just elbows. This guy's hitting the best table, yeah.

• 3:52H. Foley?

  Buddy, congratulations.

• 3:54Speaker 01

  We just reset the show. Thanks for tuning in, gang.

• 3:57H. Foley?

  Congratulations on everything.

• 3:59Speaker 03

  Hey, same to you guys.

• 4:00H. Foley?

  I love following everything that you do, and before we get into the, the questions that we have from, uh, from the homies there, I just gotta say again, you're never home. You're always moving.

• 4:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 4:11H. Foley?

  You're moving and you're shaking. I see you here, I see you there.

• 4:14Speaker 03

  I've lost some weight.

• 4:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:15H. Foley?

  Fantastic.

• 4:16Speaker 01

  Came in with a nice, bright orange jacket, like Hunter Orange.

• 4:20H. Foley?

  Beautiful.

• 4:20Speaker 03

  I just came from the deer blind.

• 4:22H. Foley?

  When's the last time you were in Japan? I get hung up on, I feel like you're in Japan every other weekend.

• 4:27Speaker 01

  Very well traveled you are.

• 4:28Speaker 03

  I like it out there in the world. The world's beautiful, it's nice. Also, hey, to your listeners, the cherry blossoms are in bloom across this country. Get out there and see them right now.

• 4:36Speaker 01

  Of course, yeah.

• 4:37Speaker 03

  I was in Japan Christmas until, I was there for like 16 days at the beginning of the year.

• 4:43H. Foley?

  How many times is that?

• 4:44Speaker 03

  Uh, this was my third time in Japan.

• 4:46H. Foley?

  That's crazy. In like the last two years.

• 4:48Speaker 03

  I did take my dad, I took my sister, my brother-in-law, it was awesome. My brother-in-law, I don't know much to tell the story, but anyway, we had a really good time.

• 4:55Speaker 03

  Let's just say they're pretty stringent about who they let in.

• 4:58H. Foley?

  Really?

• 4:59Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 4:59H. Foley?

  No kidding?

• 5:00Speaker 03

  Oh, man, they do not like to open their doors to anyone with a, a murky pass. Someone who made mistakes as a youth, it's not his fault, you know?

• 5:08H. Foley?

  No kidding?

• 5:09Speaker 03

  It's a product of the system.

• 5:10H. Foley?

  What do they do when they see you over there? You're a tall gentleman.

• 5:12Speaker 03

  They go like this.

• 5:15Speaker 01

  They get him one of those big nets.

• 5:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, they, they, they move three of the crates that everyone's sitting on aside and they bring in one big beanbag chair. And I plop down.

• 5:23Speaker 01

  Is that a problem for you? Cause that is a tighter, it's close quarters over there.

• 5:27Speaker 03

  It's a problem for me most places.

• 5:28H. Foley?

  How you even dumping over there?

• 5:29Speaker 03

  Oh, man, standing up in the alleyway. I'm like Andre the Giant, I'm squatting in a fucking bathtub.

• 5:36H. Foley?

  Talk about Fukushima, huh?

• 5:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, I have to throw the sheets away.

• 5:40Speaker 01

  I've always said you are the mix of trash and class because you, you go over there and like, you know, obviously you're shitting in a bathtub, but then also you're taking time to send us self handwritten postcards.

• 5:51Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 5:51Speaker 01

  Which is very nice, no one's doing that.

• 5:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 5:53Speaker 01

  He's an old soul, he's got a good fucking, good head on his shoulders.

• 5:57H. Foley?

  Classy.

• 5:58Speaker 03

  I think about you guys a lot just because, uh, your rise was, was very close to when I was kind of ascending.

• 6:04Speaker 01

  Yes, we were both, our trajectory was very similar.

• 6:07Speaker 03

  And I feel like no matter what happens, I'm always gonna be stoked to see you guys.

• 6:10H. Foley?

  Love it.

• 6:11Speaker 03

  You know, you can't bury something that came from the dirt, you know?

• 6:14Speaker 01

  Damn, fucking.

• 6:15Speaker 03

  I heard a special teams-

• 6:16Speaker 01

  This guy's got away with words.

• 6:18Speaker 03

  Oh, I heard a special teams player on the Saints say that when they didn't cut him.

• 6:23Speaker 01

  See, he'll drop shit like that, but he's like, they didn't cover the overs. So I was like...

• 6:27H. Foley?

  Isn't that Triple H?

• 6:30Speaker 03

  You mean Hunter Hearst Helmsley.

• 6:32Speaker 01

  He refers to Triple H as Hunter Hearst Helmsley.

• 6:34Speaker 03

  Dude, I literally take my financial advice from Mick Foley. I heard Mick Foley recently...

• 6:37Speaker 01

  That's not good.

• 6:38Speaker 03

  I know.

• 6:39H. Foley?

  Maybe it is. What do you got?

• 6:40Speaker 01

  Put all your money in flannels.

• 6:43Speaker 03

  Buy barbed wire now.

• 6:46H. Foley?

  Fluorescent lights. Smash them.

• 6:49Speaker 03

  He said, "It's not what you make, it's what you save, brother."

• 6:52Speaker 01

  That's good.

• 6:53H. Foley?

  Of course.

• 6:55Speaker 03

  So I bought a house.

• 6:56H. Foley?

  There you go.

• 6:57Speaker 01

  Did you buy a house?

• 6:57H. Foley?

  Did you buy a house?

• 6:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, out there, near Detroit.

• 6:59H. Foley?

  Is that what you did, huh? Look at you.

• 7:01Speaker 03

  My wife's from there. It's like, dude, we couldn't buy a nice house in Denver, but in Detroit, we can own this beautiful home.

• 7:06Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 7:07H. Foley?

  And you're gonna keep it? You're not like flipping it or anything like that?

• 7:09Speaker 03

  No, no. Dude, I can't... What am I? I don't have the energy, I don't give a shit to try and make $60,000 on a huge hassle.

• 7:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:20H. Foley?

  And now you're off to Paris for a few weeks, you were saying?

• 7:22Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 7:23H. Foley?

  Well, get that. Paris in the springtime, huh?

• 7:25Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm, yeah, dude, May in Paris.

• 7:27Speaker 01

  Are you handy around the house?

• 7:29Speaker 03

  No, dude.

• 7:29Speaker 01

  No. You sub all that out? You just go get a handyman?

• 7:32Speaker 03

  I bring a man in.

• 7:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, me too.

• 7:34H. Foley?

  Did you have to do anything when you bought the home?

• 7:36Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah, give my wife a checkbook.

• 7:38Speaker 01

  Here, honey, I buy...

• 7:39H. Foley?

  Do you have a checkbook?

• 7:40Speaker 03

  I had to work in Toledo.

• 7:43H. Foley?

  Do you have a checkbook?

• 7:44Speaker 03

  I have four checks. They're like in the gun safe.

• 7:48H. Foley?

  That's good.

• 7:48Speaker 01

  In the gun safe.

• 7:49Speaker 03

  Once a year, I'm like, "I'll get a check."

• 7:52Speaker 01

  That's old cowboy shit.

• 7:53H. Foley?

  Yeah. Because we don't have ch- I don't know anybody that uses checks.

• 7:56Speaker 01

  I do.

• 7:56H. Foley?

  You have checks?

• 7:57Speaker 01

  I have a checks, yeah.

• 7:58H. Foley?

  Who are you writing checks to? Not to me.

• 8:00Speaker 01

  I gotta pay my mortgage every month.

• 8:02Speaker 03

  He's got a secret family in Tuscaloosa.

• 8:04H. Foley?

  You do, huh?

• 8:06Speaker 01

  Tuscaloosa's son.

• 8:07Speaker 03

  Checks are for girls, man.

• 8:08H. Foley?

  Yeah, what are you doing?

• 8:09Speaker 01

  What's up, ladies? How you doing?

• 8:11H. Foley?

  Wait, you don't just do, you don't just transfer it?

• 8:13Speaker 01

  No, I fucked up when I did it, and I now I, it's one of those things I gotta set up, but I mail my check in.

• 8:19H. Foley?

  You do?

• 8:20Speaker 01

  And then this is what I do, I write all the checks. So I'm currently out of checks, because I just wrote like 10 months worth of checks, and I let, I sit them there, and then I, because otherwise I forget.

• 8:29H. Foley?

  Let me ask you both this, as, you know, recent homeowners. And, you know, fine gentlemen that I know. Do you have, um, do you have the sticker? That says the return address on it with the family home?

• 8:41Speaker 01

  No.

• 8:41H. Foley?

  Do you have that Sammy?

• 8:42Speaker 03

  I made us a little stamp we can use.

• 8:45Speaker 01

  Oh classy.

• 8:47H. Foley?

  What are you, the fuck are you? Leo the Lionhead or something like that?

• 8:50Speaker 03

  Hey man, if I knew who the fuck that was, maybe.

• 8:53Speaker 01

  Maybe I would be.

• 8:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:54Speaker 01

  Hey, Gary the Giraffe Head?

• 8:56Speaker 03

  You got any more Verona riffs?

• 8:59H. Foley?

  Verona?

• 9:01H. Foley?

  Capulets and Montagues, I'm sorry, Shakespeare?

• 9:03Speaker 03

  No, no, man, I liked that earlier.

• 9:05H. Foley?

  You don't have a, or, yeah, stamp?

• 9:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, cause like I, I, well, I carve these little like linoleum things, it's like, it's like whittling, I think. My grandfather was always like, I would watch TV and I'll just be carving shit and it's fun. But yeah, I made us a little like return.

• 9:18H. Foley?

  How do you clean that up?

• 9:19Speaker 03

  Uh, with a vacuum cleaner.

• 9:21H. Foley?

  You're doing it just on the floor?

• 9:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, in my living room.

• 9:23H. Foley?

  Really?

• 9:23Speaker 03

  And my wife will be like, what are you doing? And I'm like, doing whatever I want in the home that I pay for.

• 9:29H. Foley?

  Get my checkbook.

• 9:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 9:30Speaker 01

  Now I know why. Now I know why he's on the road 11 out of 12 months a year.

• 9:34Speaker 03

  I wish.

• 9:35H. Foley?

  You have a stamp? That's pretty good. Do you have one of those wax things too, where you, where you, where you put the little?

• 9:39Speaker 01

  Seal it, like from the, from the talents?

• 9:41Speaker 03

  Only if it's a formal vendetta.

• 9:45Speaker 03

  Only if I need the pope to know.

• 9:47H. Foley?

  God rest his soul. Do you celebrate Easter?

• 9:49Speaker 03

  I do, of course, yeah.

• 9:50H. Foley?

  So what'd you do yesterday?

• 9:51Speaker 01

  He's a big ham guy.

• 9:52H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 9:53Speaker 01

  I know, I remember, I'm just saying, I know, I know he likes his ham.

• 9:56Speaker 03

  I do.

• 9:58Speaker 01

  I remember he told the story in his first one, he had that, what was it, Serrano ham or whatever, like the big spit.

• 10:02H. Foley?

  That's a hard connection to Easter. Yes, ham is served on Easter, sure.

• 10:06Speaker 03

  The ham now that we have in our new house?

• 10:08Speaker 01

  You have one?

• 10:09Speaker 03

  Of course.

• 10:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, so he gets like the big legs.

• 10:12H. Foley?

  He comes from Costco, by the way?

• 10:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 10:14H. Foley?

  Yeah, cause they're huge over there.

• 10:15Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 10:16H. Foley?

  Costco has some real classy shit if you look around.

• 10:22H. Foley?

  Trust me, the one in Verona.

• 10:25Speaker 03

  If you look around.

• 10:27H. Foley?

  They got some nice stuff there.

• 10:28Speaker 03

  You're spelunking in a Costco with a headlamp on.

• 10:32Speaker 01

  Come off out of a big thing of underwear.

• 10:34Speaker 03

  I found the foie gras.

• 10:36H. Foley?

  Do you like a foie gras?

• 10:37Speaker 03

  I do like a foie gras a lot, dude. I love spreadable meats.

• 10:40H. Foley?

  Yeah, you're about to be in the heart of it.

• 10:42Speaker 03

  I know, it's about to be in my heart too.

• 10:44H. Foley?

  Yeah, I had it every day when I was there.

• 10:46Speaker 03

  It's so good, dude. Yeah.

• 10:48H. Foley?

  It's so good.

• 10:49Speaker 03

  Rabbit tartine or tartan, whatever it is.

• 10:51H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 10:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's like cat food, man. They have the best cat food in France.

• 10:55H. Foley?

  You wouldn't go near that shit.

• 10:56Speaker 01

  No.

• 10:58Speaker 03

  You can get a Wawa pretzel.

• 10:59Speaker 01

  Sure, shout out to Wawa. Uh, yeah, no, I'm not a...

• 11:02H. Foley?

  Smell a bit of a little patag?

• 11:03Speaker 01

  I would have to say I'm not a spreadable meat kinda guy.

• 11:06Speaker 03

  Loser.

• 11:07Speaker 01

  Man, boy is my face red.

• 11:10Speaker 03

  Mine is too from all the meats.

• 11:11Speaker 01

  Sure, coming out of your pores. What's that you do? So the meat you do have now, you said you have one at the house?

• 11:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's in this room in our basement and, uh...

• 11:19Speaker 01

  Is that where it should be kept? Is it a finished basement?

• 11:22H. Foley?

  Jesus.

• 11:22Speaker 01

  Okay, finished basement. Is it in the finished part?

• 11:25Speaker 03

  It might be Swedish, I'm not sure.

• 11:28H. Foley?

  Has a weird accent either way.

• 11:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, it keeps offering me figs.

• 11:31H. Foley?

  Does weird sex stuff.

• 11:32Speaker 03

  Oh, boy. I have all these chambers in the basement. One room I'm...

• 11:37Speaker 01

  Chambers?

• 11:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:38Speaker 01

  Man, he is a novelist.

• 11:41H. Foley?

  Fucking freak.

• 11:43Speaker 01

  Just whips a chamber.

• 11:44H. Foley?

  Wait, why don't you have the ham in the kitchen?

• 11:46Speaker 01

  Ham in the kitchen?

• 11:48Speaker 03

  I can't, I can't trust myself. It should be in the gun safe with the check.

• 11:52H. Foley?

  Next to the checks.

• 11:54H. Foley?

  Breaking case of emergency.

• 11:55Speaker 03

  It's in this room in the basement and we recently had, uh, DTE, the energy company of Detroit, come over to like test us for a gas leak and in the room that it's in was like high for gas. And it's been in there for like a year.

• 12:07H. Foley?

  Jeez, you guys eating laced ham?

• 12:09Speaker 03

  I've just been sneaking down there eating poisoned ham.

• 12:11H. Foley?

  It probably smells like ham and that's probably what the gas is coming from.

• 12:14Speaker 01

  The ham's probably emitting the gas.

• 12:16H. Foley?

  It's rotting. You gotta put that up in the kitchen. You can't be keeping ham.

• 12:20Speaker 01

  I don't think you can keep just fucking a hunk of ham.

• 12:23H. Foley?

  You cover it up, right?

• 12:26Speaker 01

  With loose tinfoil, I presume.

• 12:27Speaker 03

  It's like throwing a blanket over a dog's cage. You have to quiet it down.

• 12:32H. Foley?

  That's gross.

• 12:33Speaker 01

  Talk about leader of the pack.

• 12:34Speaker 03

  If you guys came over, you would love the ham. I showed you how to cut it.

• 12:37Speaker 01

  Trust me, I'm throwing shade.

• 12:39H. Foley?

  You go down there and get it and then bring it upstairs with the rest of the stuff?

• 12:41Speaker 03

  I don't, I don't. I go down there with the bread in hand and just slice it off and pile it up.

• 12:46Speaker 01

  Do you leave the knife down there?

• 12:48Speaker 03

  There's a knife in the room.

• 12:49Speaker 01

  There's a knife in the room.

• 12:50H. Foley?

  How do you clean that off?

• 12:51Speaker 03

  Uh, I don't clean off that knife. I wipe it on the towel. I just smooth it on the towel that goes over the ham.

• 12:56Speaker 01

  An old barber? Got a leather strap.

• 13:00Speaker 03

  I have that barbicide tin and I put the knife in there.

• 13:03Speaker 01

  It's actually just Gatorade.

• 13:04H. Foley?

  What did the, uh, energy company say about the basement? Any, any lease?

• 13:07Speaker 03

  They said, they said.

• 13:08H. Foley?

  You gotta watch that.

• 13:09Speaker 01

  Sir, you have a mouse problem and I think it's the ham.

• 13:12Speaker 03

  The guy was like, is that a ham in there? I was like, is that any of your business?

• 13:16H. Foley?

  Are you aware of the ordinance of not having a human leg in your basement?

• 13:19Speaker 01

  Sir, when did you start working for the ham department? Alright, I don't need you to sit here and judge me.

• 13:23H. Foley?

  How long will one of them last you?

• 13:24Speaker 03

  Oh, who knows? You know, until my wife makes me throw it away.

• 13:27Speaker 01

  Does she partake in the ham?

• 13:29Speaker 03

  No, no, no.

• 13:30Speaker 01

  Does anybody that come over is like?

• 13:32Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 13:33Speaker 01

  Sweet, we're at Sam's house. Let's get our ham.

• 13:35Speaker 03

  Like, if I didn't know you guys and you were just in town and I was like, come see my house and I had a ham in the basement, you'd be like, this is the coolest guy alive.

• 13:41Speaker 01

  Sure, do you tell them how old it is?

• 13:42Speaker 03

  No, no, no.

• 13:44H. Foley?

  How old is it?

• 13:45Speaker 01

  He said over a year.

• 13:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:46Speaker 01

  It's over a year? Did you move with it?

• 13:48Speaker 03

  No.

• 13:48Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 13:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was a housewarming ham.

• 13:51Speaker 01

  Fair enough.

• 13:52Speaker 03

  It was like the first thing I bought.

• 13:53H. Foley?

  I don't think the movers would have took that.

• 13:57Speaker 03

  And it's like.

• 13:57Speaker 01

  Fucking Fed showing up at your door.

• 14:00H. Foley?

  This guy's got a femur bone in here.

• 14:01Speaker 03

  Honey, I have to flush the ham and a hard drive.

• 14:05Speaker 01

  Aw, man.

• 14:06H. Foley?

  Congratulations on the new house.

• 14:08Speaker 01

  Congratulations on everything.

• 14:09Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 14:09H. Foley?

  When did you move in?

• 14:11Speaker 03

  May 31st, our mortgage started.

• 14:13H. Foley?

  Look at you.

• 14:14Speaker 03

  And then we moved in in like August.

• 14:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:16H. Foley?

  Sure. Wow, that's shifty. What's the yard situation? Who's cutting the grass?

• 14:20Speaker 03

  We have a service.

• 14:21H. Foley?

  You have a service?

• 14:22Speaker 03

  Everything that I can streamline into not having to do anything except for, I have a solarium in the, in the house.

• 14:27Speaker 01

  What's a solarium?

• 14:28Speaker 03

  It's a glass room.

• 14:29Speaker 01

  Whoa.

• 14:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's like a human.

• 14:31H. Foley?

  I think you meant like a deli.

• 14:32Speaker 03

  I wish. No, that would be, that's in the basement.

• 14:36Speaker 01

  You have one of these?

• 14:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, solarium.

• 14:38Speaker 01

  Whoa.

• 14:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, and I write in that room. I sit in this big chair and I write.

• 14:41Speaker 01

  It smells different than the rest of the house, probably, right?

• 14:43Speaker 03

  Yes, it does, because it smells like me getting skin cancer.

• 14:45Speaker 01

  Ah.

• 14:45Speaker 03

  Because I'm sitting in a greenhouse.

• 14:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, it is.

• 14:48Speaker 03

  And then my wife comes in and she says, "Where's your sunscreen?" And I say, "Knock next time."

• 14:53H. Foley?

  Wait, you gotta, that's pretty sweet.

• 14:55Speaker 03

  It's awesome. It overlooks the backyard.

• 14:56H. Foley?

  How many bedrooms is it?

• 14:58Speaker 03

  Four.

• 14:58H. Foley?

  Four bedrooms? How many bathrooms?

• 15:00Speaker 03

  Uh, one and a half. And I cannot sit down on the half bathroom.

• 15:04Speaker 01

  That seems...

• 15:04H. Foley?

  In the powder room.

• 15:05Speaker 01

  Lopsided.

• 15:06H. Foley?

  It's downstairs?

• 15:06Speaker 03

  It's a jewel box right next to the kitchen.

• 15:08Speaker 01

  Oh. Yeah, I got one of them too. I can't poop in there.

• 15:11Speaker 03

  I can't poop in there. I wish I could.

• 15:12Speaker 01

  The sink is right in your face.

• 15:13Speaker 03

  Dude, it's like, when we got the house...

• 15:15Speaker 01

  It's like a ba- it's like an air- it's like an airplane.

• 15:17Speaker 03

  It's exactly like an airplane. Yeah, and I have to go side saddle if I must use it. If my sister and my wife are upstairs in the good bathroom, putting their ointments on.

• 15:24Speaker 01

  As women tend to do, yeah.

• 15:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm down there doing...

• 15:27H. Foley?

  Why is your sister there?

• 15:28Speaker 01

  Ointment time.

• 15:29Speaker 03

  It's my house. She's allowed to pop in.

• 15:31Speaker 01

  Hey, asking so many questions.

• 15:33H. Foley?

  Does she live near you?

• 15:34Speaker 03

  No, no, but she, she comes out.

• 15:35Speaker 01

  Seven hours away. Comes over to put her ointment on.

• 15:37Speaker 03

  She's been hitching, you know?

• 15:39H. Foley?

  Is that true?

• 15:39Speaker 03

  No. She could be, my sister.

• 15:42H. Foley?

  When's the last time you hitchhiked?

• 15:43Speaker 03

  Uh...

• 15:44H. Foley?

  You've got a bit of a hitcher face?

• 15:45Speaker 03

  My dad had us hitchhiking a lot as a kid.

• 15:47Speaker 01

  Jesus.

• 15:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, because he had this old Volkswagen magic bus and it would break down. And then we would just have to like hitchhike home all the time. Yeah.

• 15:56H. Foley?

  I mean, long way to a solarium and some ham and...

• 16:00H. Foley?

  Kid's on the come up. Kim, let's talk about Square.

• 16:02Speaker 01

  I ain't talking triangle.

• 16:03H. Foley?

  Gag support for today's episode comes from Square, your all-in-one business partner, making your day-to-day easier. From point-of-sale systems and payments to inventory and custom tools, Square brings everything together in one simple platform. So you can stay organized, sell anywhere, and keep things moving. You know, we like to keep things moving over here at Tony's?

• 16:25Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 16:25H. Foley?

  Whether you're running a cafe, salon, boutique, or something entirely on your own, like a podcast selling t-shirts on the road, Square gives you the flexibility to grow at your own pace and even set up online store in just a few clicks.

• 16:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, we are big fans of Square. We are, uh, before they were even a sponsor, we started using them. We use it on the road. If you ever bought a t-shirt on the road and that's the credit card system we use, it's fantastic. It helps us keep inventory of what we have. We run out of 2 and 3 XLs very quickly.

• 16:56H. Foley?

  Big boys out there.

• 16:56Speaker 01

  And we know that because of Square. It is fan frickin' tactic. It's flexible. It's easy to use. Anybody can do it. And right now, listeners can get up to $200 off Square hardware when you sign up at square.com/go/garbage. That's square, S-Q-U-A-R-E.com/go/garbage. Visit Square to get started because the right tools make all the difference.

• 17:21H. Foley?

  Yeah. Okay, but let's talk about Bilt.

• 17:23Speaker 01

  Shout out to Bilt.

• 17:24H. Foley?

  Attention all you renters out there. If you haven't heard of Bilt, you're about to thank me, earn your favorite airline miles and hotel points through Bilt just by paying your rent on time. Let me explain. Hold your horses. I know you're all clamoring to find out what's going on. If you're a renter, you should be taking advantage of Bilt. We rack up points on groceries, on travel, and nearly everything else. So why in the hell are we not building up points on the biggest expense of the month, our rent? With Bilt, paying rent finally pays off.

• 17:56Speaker 01

  Yes, there's no cost to join and just by paying rent, you unlock flexible points that can be transferred to your favorite hotels and airlines, a future rent payment, or your next Lyft ride, and more. When you pay rent through Bilt, you unlock two powerful benefits. First, you earn one of the industry's most valuable point on rent every month. No matter where you live or who your landlord is, your rent now works for you. Second, you gain access to exclusive neighborhood benefits in your city. So here's the turkey. Start paying rent through Bilt and take advantage of your neighborhood benefits by going to joinbilt.com/garbage. That's joinbuilt, J-O-I-N-B-I-L-T.com/garbage. Make sure you use the URL so they know to boy send you. joinbilt.com/garbage. Sign up for Bilt today. Do it.

• 18:42Speaker 03

  I went to Disneyland, I brought my whole family to Disneyland like two weeks ago and I was just crying the whole time because of how proud I was.

• 18:47Speaker 01

  Are you footing the bill for that whole thing?

• 18:48Speaker 03

  Oh yeah.

• 18:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, you are. Let's fucking go Sammy.

• 18:51Speaker 03

  It's crazy.

• 18:52H. Foley?

  Who was the whole family? And your dad, your sister?

• 18:54Speaker 03

  No, no.

• 18:55Speaker 01

  It's extended.

• 18:56Speaker 03

  So no, it was just my sister-in-law and then my niece and my wife.

• 18:58Speaker 01

  Gotcha.

• 18:59H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 18:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, so I flew them out from Michigan and then we went to Disneyland and it was like, I was just like, sunglasses on, just watching my niece eat churros, just sobbing, just wiping tears. Yeah, I was watching them like I was the only person in our party that knew I had terminal cancer. Like I had a secret and I'm taking it to the grave.

• 19:16H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 19:17Speaker 03

  Get another churro, I can't take it with me.

• 19:20Speaker 03

  Can't take any of this.

• 19:21H. Foley?

  You got Mickey ears on, you're crying your eyes out?

• 19:23Speaker 03

  Dude, for real. Yeah. I had a big goofy movie tank top on and I was just weeping.

• 19:27H. Foley?

  This is your wife's sister's daughter?

• 19:30Speaker 03

  Right, and that's why we moved to Detroit was to be closer to them.

• 19:33H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 19:33Speaker 03

  And, yeah, no, I just got this little insane half Lebanese girl who is like the apple of my eye. She, dude, someone in our party, I'm not gonna say who, I've been told not to say who.

• 19:43H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 19:44Speaker 03

  But someone in our party, an adult, went up to, we went to the bippity boppity boutique in Disneyland.

• 19:48Speaker 01

  I'm well aware.

• 19:48H. Foley?

  I don't know it.

• 19:49Speaker 03

  They, you can get the princess experience.

• 19:51H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 19:52Speaker 03

  And they get turned into a princess and there's tiers though.

• 19:55Speaker 01

  For young broads.

• 19:55H. Foley?

  I've never been to Disneyland, I've been to Disney World.

• 19:58Speaker 03

  That is the, that is the gentleman's choice.

• 20:00H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 20:00Speaker 03

  Yes. But we were like, she's not gonna remember it anyway, so we're not gonna go Disney World yet.

• 20:04H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 20:05Speaker 03

  But yeah, there was a little girl there who was getting dressed up as a princess and one of the adults in our party went up and went, "Oh my god, you're so beautiful Mulan." And then the little girl went, "I'm Snow White" and I went, because she was, she was just Asian.

• 20:18Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 20:20Speaker 03

  But there's like a holding pen where you can watch the princesses get their makeup done.

• 20:24Speaker 01

  That's weird.

• 20:25Speaker 03

  I know.

• 20:25H. Foley?

  This is a little weird.

• 20:25Speaker 03

  It's just a room full of little girls being like, you know, bedazzled and I'm standing there with all the grandmas and the moms and I'm just weeping. And after like five minutes, we're just like, like ugly crying, like fucking Clint Eastwood.

• 20:38Speaker 01

  Everyone's slowly walking away from him.

• 20:40Speaker 03

  No, no, they were getting more inquisitive and then the bravest one finally went, "Do you know one of the princesses?"

• 20:45Speaker 01

  Please tell me you know one of the princesses.

• 20:48H. Foley?

  They're all just so hot. What the fuck?

• 20:50Speaker 01

  You're not the ogre here to kidnap her?

• 20:52Speaker 03

  They're all my princesses.

• 20:55H. Foley?

  They'll all eat him in the basement.

• 21:00H. Foley?

  I'll cover you in a sack too. Yikes.

• 21:03Speaker 01

  He's cleaning his knife.

• 21:07Speaker 01

  Alright, he does it.

• 21:08H. Foley?

  Quit screwing around, sorry.

• 21:10Speaker 01

  One question for, uh, one question back to the house. What would you say the classiest thing in the house, could be the solarium, or, and the trashiest, trashiest thing would have to be the, the, the ham, right? Or is there something where you're like, that's a problem, I gotta get it fixed.

• 21:23H. Foley?

  You can't say the ham.

• 21:24Speaker 03

  I can't say the ham?

• 21:25Speaker 01

  Next to the ham then.

• 21:27Speaker 03

  Oh my god.

• 21:27Speaker 01

  Is there something your wife wants out? Like, I can't believe you brought this.

• 21:30Speaker 03

  Our dishwasher smells like a ferret cage.

• 21:32H. Foley?

  Really?

• 21:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, and I don't know what's going on.

• 21:35H. Foley?

  Why don't you get a new one?

• 21:36Speaker 03

  We did, we got, and this is the second one, and it still reeks.

• 21:38Speaker 01

  Oh, that's a bad pipe.

• 21:39Speaker 03

  But I can't smell it, cause of years of, you know, abuse.

• 21:42Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 21:42Speaker 03

  So I'm like, it smells good to me, you know?

• 21:45H. Foley?

  What do you, do you have well water? What do you have?

• 21:47Speaker 03

  We have, we have good water, we're like, very, we're very close to, uh, one of the lakes.

• 21:51H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 21:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, so we have like, really solid water.

• 21:53H. Foley?

  Alright, so it's not the water system in the house?

• 21:55Speaker 03

  No, no, no.

• 21:55Speaker 01

  It's probably like, the, uh, the fucking, uh, sanitary, like, all this shit, all the wa, it's like...

• 22:02H. Foley?

  Are you rinsing your dishes before you put them in the, in the dishwasher?

• 22:05Speaker 03

  Interesting question. I am now.

• 22:07H. Foley?

  Uh huh.

• 22:07Speaker 03

  But I, but forever I wasn't.

• 22:09H. Foley?

  No kidding.

• 22:09Speaker 03

  Cause I thought it was a complete fool's errand, just to waste of my precious time.

• 22:12H. Foley?

  No. You gotta clean that trap out.

• 22:14Speaker 01

  Cause nothing's better than, yeah, you gotta clean that trap out.

• 22:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:17Speaker 01

  Cause nothing's worse than opening a clean dishwasher and them still being kinda dirty.

• 22:20Speaker 03

  I know.

• 22:21Speaker 01

  Like, it was all for naught.

• 22:22Speaker 03

  But if...

• 22:23Speaker 01

  I'm two hours behind where I could've been.

• 22:24Speaker 03

  I would rather put in a dirty dish, and then when, there's a little bit of schmutz on it still, I'd rather take it out and then wipe it off.

• 22:30Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 22:30Speaker 03

  As opposed to sitting there, in the kitchen, for two seconds.

• 22:33Speaker 01

  I know, yeah, all that time.

• 22:34H. Foley?

  I'm big on, this is a pretty dirtbag move, let's say I kinda half know that the dishwasher's clean, but it's not full, if I have a dirty dish, I'll put it, just, I won't unload it, I'll put it in there with the clean dishes, and run that back.

• 22:46Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 22:47H. Foley?

  I'll run it again.

• 22:47Speaker 03

  You'll do a whole, full load, except for one new addition?

• 22:52H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 22:52Speaker 03

  That's nuts.

• 22:53H. Foley?

  Yeah. Out of laziness of not taking, I'm not gonna empty the dishwasher, if there's still room in there?

• 22:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:59H. Foley?

  I'll just put what, what, what can go in there, in there, and run it again.

• 23:02Speaker 03

  I mean, I've done similar things, so I can't really, we're all in glass houses here.

• 23:07Speaker 01

  Some would say a solarium.

• 23:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:08Speaker 01

  You have a ferret in your dishwasher.

• 23:10Speaker 03

  You guys know Nick Rocheford?

• 23:12Speaker 01

  I know the name, maybe.

• 23:13Speaker 03

  He was, he's one of Sam Hyde's buddies. He was in Million Dollar Extreme.

• 23:15Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 23:16Speaker 03

  I met him at Skank Fest. Was delighted. He runs this antique store, Chamonix House out of Rhode Island.

• 23:20Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 23:21Speaker 03

  So he's, I went to his house and he has this couch there. Did I tell you guys about this couch already?

• 23:25Speaker 01

  No.

• 23:26Speaker 03

  Dude, I, he got me a couch for a fucking steal.

• 23:29Speaker 01

  He got you a couch?

• 23:30Speaker 03

  He, he went to this big time, I sat in this couch and I was like, this is nice. And he's like, I got a guy.

• 23:34Speaker 01

  Like a new plate? Like it was like a, you went to like a whatever?

• 23:37Speaker 03

  Timothy Olton, which is like a high, high class.

• 23:40Speaker 01

  Get eyes on that, at least.

• 23:41Speaker 03

  Leather goods. And I got this couch, white Bianco leather, and I got it for 60% off.

• 23:46Speaker 01

  White leather couch?

• 23:47H. Foley?

  New couch?

• 23:48Speaker 01

  You're too big for that, bud.

• 23:49H. Foley?

  Is it new or is it antique?

• 23:50Speaker 03

  Too big to fail.

• 23:50Speaker 01

  What?

• 23:51H. Foley?

  Is it a new couch or an antique?

• 23:53Speaker 03

  Brand new. But he, there was like one gouge in the back of it. So he got it for like 60% off. I get it in the house. I'm like, honey, this is the most expensive thing I've ever purchased. It's a nine gram.

• 24:02Speaker 01

  What?

• 24:03Speaker 03

  The most money I've ever spent on anything.

• 24:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, that was after 60%?

• 24:06Speaker 03

  After 60.

• 24:07Speaker 01

  Holy fucking shit, Sam.

• 24:08Speaker 03

  I've never disclosed the number. It brings me deep shame.

• 24:10Speaker 01

  Welcome to the shop.

• 24:11Speaker 03

  I know. So.

• 24:13H. Foley?

  Good for you.

• 24:14Speaker 03

  Guess where it is now?

• 24:15Speaker 01

  Trash.

• 24:15Speaker 03

  In the basement near the ham.

• 24:16Speaker 01

  What?

• 24:17Speaker 03

  It's been relegated.

• 24:18Speaker 01

  Why?

• 24:18Speaker 03

  Cause it's not comfy.

• 24:20Speaker 01

  Ah, those rich people don't like being comfortable.

• 24:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, they wanna sit like this.

• 24:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, go over and like, and look over their files or whatever.

• 24:26Speaker 03

  They have Luke posture.

• 24:27Speaker 01

  I know, yeah. Luke's probably sitting on one of those, Timothy Olafen chairs right now.

• 24:31Speaker 03

  He's probably sitting on one of those sex paires right now.

• 24:33H. Foley?

  You need a nice Raymour and Flanagan sectional with the, with the cup holders in it. That's what you need.

• 24:39Speaker 01

  And, and now the, and the USB chargers you can plug in and fucking, and scroll while you're there.

• 24:44Speaker 03

  I will never have cup holders in a, in a piece of furniture that I have.

• 24:48Speaker 01

  Why not?

• 24:48Speaker 03

  I think that that, that really filled me with horror.

• 24:51H. Foley?

  It's the way to go.

• 24:52Speaker 03

  I understand, but I'm trying to create a vibe in the house.

• 24:56H. Foley?

  Hmm.

• 24:57Speaker 03

  And it's not.

• 24:58Speaker 01

  Ham and nice couch. I know the vibe.

• 25:00H. Foley?

  Ham and ferret smell? What are we doing here?

• 25:02Speaker 03

  Look, man, I'm Blade.

• 25:03Speaker 01

  I can't get a picture of this house, dude. The, this hilarious, the ham, the couch.

• 25:06Speaker 03

  You must come over.

• 25:07Speaker 01

  Hit me up. I'm just in Detroit.

• 25:09Speaker 03

  I know, I wasn't there.

• 25:10Speaker 01

  I know, I looked.

• 25:11Speaker 03

  I know, I do. I was gonna pop in on your happy asses.

• 25:13Speaker 01

  Cause he's, he's role, he's always everywhere, you know? And I'm like, oh, he could, we could cross, cross paths at some point.

• 25:19Speaker 03

  I was gonna pop in. I was not.

• 25:21Speaker 01

  We were in Pontiac.

• 25:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:22H. Foley?

  Pontiac, Michigan. Shut up to it.

• 25:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, where the Silverdome used to be.

• 25:25H. Foley?

  That's right.

• 25:26Speaker 01

  Ah. Um, okay, so the couch, now to, what did you, where'd you get the new couch?

• 25:31Speaker 03

  Uh, my wife went over to my friend David Bory, a very funny comedian, and he's a plus-sized gentleman, and she saw how well he was doing in his couch.

• 25:41Speaker 03

  She did.

• 25:41Speaker 01

  Sounds like it's a rehab center.

• 25:43Speaker 03

  My wife's always scanning, dude.

• 25:45H. Foley?

  She had him lay down, sit down, eat on the couch.

• 25:48Speaker 03

  On his belly, not, yeah.

• 25:50Speaker 01

  It's tummy time.

• 25:52H. Foley?

  She's standing on the other side of a two-way mirror, watching him.

• 25:55Speaker 03

  My co-host from my pod, show me the beam, Nathan Lund and my buddy Pat, who makes Wide World, our travel show, they're both big men, and they came to our house. Yes. And my wife hit me up, and she's like, "Hey, you guys having fun?" And I was like, "Yeah." And she's like, "Hey, just make sure you rotate them on the couches."

• 26:08Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 26:09Speaker 03

  And I was like, "What?" And she's like, "Yeah, I don't want Lund leaving a dent and Pat leaving a dent, so make them like move around."

• 26:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:14H. Foley?

  Jesus.

• 26:15Speaker 03

  Like, that's how concerned she is with these couches.

• 26:17Speaker 01

  I get that. I, I, we got back from the road, uh, on, and I had all weekend by myself, kind of, and man, I put a dent in, the couch does not have the same spring it had on Friday as it did this morning when I woke up.

• 26:32Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm. Yeah, it sucks, because you're sitting there and you're like, "Man, I love this, where I live. I love that this is my couch." I go outside in the morning with my coffee, and I look at the flowers, and I say, "That's my fucking flower."

• 26:41Speaker 01

  I do the same thing, it's nice.

• 26:42Speaker 03

  But then you're in that couch, and you're just like, "Oh, no." The contours of my body have ruined this nice thing.

• 26:47Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 26:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 26:48H. Foley?

  Man, fat people are gross.

• 26:49Speaker 03

  Brother?

• 26:51Speaker 01

  Amen, sister.

• 26:52Speaker 03

  They should be in camps. I think Ben Stiller made a movie about that.

• 26:56Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 26:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 26:57H. Foley?

  Heavyweights.

• 26:57Speaker 03

  Yep, and then he just did it again in Dodgeball, same guy.

• 27:00H. Foley?

  Similar.

• 27:01Speaker 01

  Well, I, yeah, Globo Gym.

• 27:02Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 27:02H. Foley?

  Very similar.

• 27:03Speaker 03

  How deep does this thing go?

• 27:04Speaker 01

  White Goodman, yeah.

• 27:05H. Foley?

  Very.

• 27:05Speaker 03

  White Goodman, yeah.

• 27:07H. Foley?

  You ever see those, uh, Instagram reels where they connect different characters to different movies?

• 27:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:13H. Foley?

  And they try to make it like all the same person?

• 27:15Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 27:15H. Foley?

  Like, they say Dan Aykroyd in, uh, um, The Great Outdoors is the same character he is in Tommy Boy, he just, uh, like, assumed a different identity, then went to Chicago and started up in automotive parts, and then became this, and there's a couple more things in there.

• 27:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, in between the two movies, he hit a kid with his car and had to dry out.

• 27:33H. Foley?

  Exactly. Exactly.

• 27:35Speaker 01

  Did that really happen?

• 27:36H. Foley?

  No, no, no. We're riffing!

• 27:39Speaker 01

  I feel like that did happen with both, no, no, no, totally not.

• 27:42H. Foley?

  I feel like Sam ran somebody over.

• 27:44Speaker 01

  Luke cut it.

• 27:47H. Foley?

  Oh, we found with little pieces of ham.

• 27:50Speaker 03

  And they were rotten. They smelled like propane. Could only be one person.

• 27:55H. Foley?

  We're looking for the Guanchale Bandit.

• 27:59Speaker 03

  I love Guanchale. You give me that neck meat.

• 28:01H. Foley?

  Who doesn't?

• 28:02Speaker 03

  I'm happy. My wife hates it.

• 28:03H. Foley?

  Really?

• 28:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 28:05H. Foley?

  What does she like that you eat?

• 28:06Speaker 03

  Uh, pussy.

• 28:11Speaker 03

  She loves lentils. She's always trying to eat new garbanzo beans. Yeah.

• 28:15H. Foley?

  Lentils.

• 28:15Speaker 03

  She's gonna live forever.

• 28:16H. Foley?

  There you go.

• 28:17Speaker 03

  She's gonna leave a real hot body after I'm dead.

• 28:21Speaker 03

  Some nineteen year old CIA. Oh, yeah.

• 28:23H. Foley?

  And a couch. Will that couch go up in value?

• 28:26Speaker 03

  I doubt it. Not after what me and my crew were doing to it. We're pressure testing it down there.

• 28:33H. Foley?

  Is that where you hang out? Is the basement? Is that your turf?

• 28:36Speaker 03

  I do my projects down there. There's a room in our house where me and my niece are allowed to just like paint on the walls and go crazy.

• 28:41H. Foley?

  Whoa.

• 28:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. I was like, Emmy, I need a room where I can fuck it up. And then she was nice enough to give me the two sinks next to the dishwasher. And they're just wrecked with paint and like, yeah. She's been very big about, about forty square feet of this house. She's been very generous with.

• 28:55Speaker 01

  How many fridges you got in this place?

• 28:57Speaker 03

  We only have one.

• 28:57Speaker 01

  One fridge.

• 28:57Speaker 03

  Brand new fridge. It's awesome. Has crushed ice.

• 29:00H. Foley?

  Open up the, open up this way?

• 29:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, this way.

• 29:02H. Foley?

  Nice. Okay.

• 29:04Speaker 03

  And then people just keep bringing me hash. So there's like a whole like.

• 29:06Speaker 01

  What?

• 29:07Speaker 03

  Well, it's Detroit, so people will bring me hash all the time.

• 29:10Speaker 01

  Why?

• 29:11H. Foley?

  Hash big in Detroit?

• 29:12Speaker 03

  The Lebanese influence on Michigan has made the hash like the best in the world.

• 29:16H. Foley?

  Huh.

• 29:16Speaker 03

  Yeah. I know. I'm learning all this.

• 29:18H. Foley?

  Gyros ain't bad either.

• 29:19Speaker 01

  I didn't even know there was a Lebanese influence.

• 29:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, Dearborn, where my wife's from, is like the number one.

• 29:23Speaker 01

  Lebanese.

• 29:24Speaker 03

  Just Muslim population in America.

• 29:26Speaker 01

  Really?

• 29:27Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm. Yeah.

• 29:28Speaker 01

  Per ca- it's gotta be per capita.

• 29:29Speaker 03

  Probably per capita, yeah. I bet Queens.

• 29:31Speaker 01

  I'm not sure what that is, but yeah.

• 29:33Speaker 03

  I think Luke's gonna count on every one of them. He knows where they are.

• 29:36H. Foley?

  Queens is big. I hear the call to prayer every, every day.

• 29:39Speaker 03

  Do you?

• 29:39H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 29:40Speaker 03

  God, that call to prayer, man. I was staying in Paris one time where they had a call to prayer and just wakes you up at fucking the sun. And you're like, oh, I'm glad everyone's.

• 29:47H. Foley?

  I hear the church bells too.

• 29:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:49H. Foley?

  Very diverse, my neighborhood in Queens.

• 29:51Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 29:51H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 29:52Speaker 03

  It's a beautiful place.

• 29:53H. Foley?

  Get whatever you need.

• 29:53Speaker 03

  Hamtramck's similar in Detroit, where it's like all of them.

• 29:57H. Foley?

  You got every one of them.

• 29:57Speaker 03

  Sure. Yeah, you can get a Yemeni coffee and you can get fucking pierogies.

• 30:01H. Foley?

  There you go.

• 30:01Speaker 03

  Yeah. And boy, the toilet. You need two toilets for that one.

• 30:06H. Foley?

  One and a half bath ain't gonna help you there.

• 30:08Speaker 03

  No. You need an old priest and a young priest.

• 30:10H. Foley?

  Talking about riding the side saddle.

• 30:13Speaker 03

  You'd throw the saddle away. They had to put the toilet down. Send it to the glue factory.

• 30:21H. Foley?

  Alright.

• 30:22Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 30:22H. Foley?

  Let's get to some cues.

• 30:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, god forbid we just keep having fun.

• 30:25Speaker 01

  I know, right? Guys, as you know, when you're doing the old Patreon, we will answer your garbage question on the air. A couple of big boys on this episode, myself included, from all the toasts, ever wait at the buffet for something to be restocked?

• 30:38Speaker 03

  Oh, crab legs. Just there fucking boxing out old Chinese women. I'm fucking Rodman in the paint, dude.

• 30:46Speaker 01

  Oh. I remember at the cafeteria in college, that was a big, waiting for them, they would drop pizza, and I loved bad pizza.

• 30:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:57Speaker 01

  And man, it was such bad, I would just fucking circle, I'd be like looking at the fruit.

• 31:00Speaker 03

  Try to act cool like you're hanging out. What's going on? You guys going to the party later?

• 31:03Speaker 01

  What's up ladies?

• 31:05Speaker 03

  There is an etiquette where you're like circling, waiting for whatever, the crab legs in my instance, to come. And you just like, you keep looking at the Jell-O squares, like, well, this guy really wants to know what, how many fucking Jell-O squares are in there.

• 31:14Speaker 01

  You feel like a fat idiot if you're just standing there.

• 31:16Speaker 03

  Right.

• 31:17Speaker 01

  You're like, I'm doing something.

• 31:18H. Foley?

  You know if they're putting out the protein shakes soon? You guys know what's going on with them?

• 31:22Speaker 03

  You guys give out T shots? That's why I'm here. Even fatter move, they bring you to your table, and then you're kinda like, ah, you think we could get this table? And it's the one closest to the crab legs? Yeah, so you position yourself in the vicinity of what you want.

• 31:39Speaker 01

  Smart.

• 31:39Speaker 03

  I've done that.

• 31:40Speaker 01

  Location, location, location. Any good realtors worth their salt, I'll tell you that.

• 31:43Speaker 03

  Dude, I lived in Vegas when that shooting happened. And it was all hands on deck. The city came together to donate blood. And at the casino by us, if you donated blood, you got a free buffet coupon. So, boy, howdy, was I donating blood.

• 31:57Speaker 01

  You were down to 140 pounds.

• 31:59Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, I was putting a mustache on, I had a monocle.

• 32:01Speaker 01

  Just sucking them dry.

• 32:04H. Foley?

  The translucent man is back.

• 32:07Speaker 03

  Hey, that jellyfish guy's here?

• 32:09H. Foley?

  It's a shame what they did.

• 32:12H. Foley?

  Could see the crab legs in your stomach. Vegas strong. Holy shit, I didn't know you lived in Vegas.

• 32:18Speaker 03

  I did, I lived there.

• 32:19H. Foley?

  Look at this guy.

• 32:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's how we knew the fucking Dan Cortez Casino.

• 32:23H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm. Ah.

• 32:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 32:25Speaker 01

  From Mr. S- which you did, I never brought it up to you, I don't think I did. Did one of the tragiest things I ever saw.

• 32:31H. Foley?

  Me?

• 32:32Speaker 01

  At the Black- no, he did, at the blackjack table. I respect and I've been there.

• 32:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:35Speaker 01

  But it was just like, I mean, we were at the blackjack table, it was me, you, Foley. I forget who else, maybe Tommy, Tommy Pope maybe?

• 32:43Speaker 03

  Tommy was there.

• 32:43H. Foley?

  Yeah, Tommy Pope.

• 32:44Speaker 01

  And, uh, so we're there, we're having, we're having a fucking day. It's, I mean, night at this point.

• 32:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 32:49Speaker 01

  You know, we're laughing, we're screaming, we're having a good time.

• 32:51Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 32:52Speaker 01

  Beers galore, like, we're fucked up.

• 32:53Speaker 03

  Cigs.

• 32:54Speaker 01

  Sig, crushing beers. And I needed a-

• 32:56Speaker 03

  I think, I think Tommy was on something as well. Yeah.

• 33:00Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 33:00Speaker 03

  He was fucking Molly Cyrus that evening.

• 33:04Speaker 01

  I don't think it was Tully Moore, dude.

• 33:06Speaker 03

  No, he was the Pink Pony Club.

• 33:09Speaker 01

  Is that what that is?

• 33:11H. Foley?

  That's the Pink Pony Club. Who's that, Chapel Rohn?

• 33:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 33:14H. Foley?

  Say, I know what's going on.

• 33:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 33:16Speaker 01

  But I needed a cig. And were you smoking menthols at one point? Was that you?

• 33:19Speaker 03

  American Spirit Dark Green.

• 33:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, and I bummed one off of Matt. This is at like 3 a.m.

• 33:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, you were cross-eyed.

• 33:24Speaker 01

  I'm a hundred cigs deep already on the day. This is gang fest. We are fucked up.

• 33:30Speaker 03

  And you're a bit of a handful at the tables, too. You have a way of talking to people that scares me.

• 33:35H. Foley?

  Thank you.

• 33:36Speaker 03

  I think at one point you mouthed off to the dealer and Foley grabbed my leg under the table.

• 33:41H. Foley?

  Wow, see?

• 33:42Speaker 03

  Uh-huh.

• 33:43H. Foley?

  You've been fucking calling me a liar and an asshole.

• 33:45Speaker 01

  I've never called you a liar, I've called you an asshole.

• 33:48H. Foley?

  All this time, finally I got somebody to back me up.

• 33:50Speaker 01

  This guy don't know, he's got ham in his house.

• 33:52Speaker 03

  You made me flinch, by the way you talk to these professionals.

• 33:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:56Speaker 03

  Wait, so what was the gross thing I did?

• 33:59Speaker 01

  No, I, I, you gave, you bummed me a cig.

• 34:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:02Speaker 01

  And then I couldn't, I couldn't get it down. I mean, I'll do it in American Spirit menthol.

• 34:06H. Foley?

  That's like an IED.

• 34:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:08H. Foley?

  In the wee hours of the night. Stepping on a fucking booby trap.

• 34:12Speaker 03

  That's a red dot on your forehead.

• 34:13H. Foley?

  Oh, man.

• 34:14Speaker 01

  And I start going, like, it's like, can't be like that, I'm getting a hiccup.

• 34:18H. Foley?

  The cold sweats hit you, you get that queasy feeling in your stomach.

• 34:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:22H. Foley?

  It's like you got the bends.

• 34:24Speaker 03

  It's like you just surfaced.

• 34:25Speaker 01

  I gotta go sit in the chamber.

• 34:27H. Foley?

  Man. Holy shit.

• 34:31H. Foley?

  Somebody hit you with a menthol.

• 34:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, a menthol in the wild is a tough one. If you're not expecting it.

• 34:37Speaker 01

  Dude, and I'm like, it's like thick when you're blowing it. It feels like you can feel it leaving your teeth.

• 34:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:43Speaker 01

  And I go, I remember putting it out, like closing my eye, being like, I can't. I got like two or three drag. I'm like, I can't do it. But so he goes, what are you doing? That's still good. He took it out of the ashtray and put it in his pack. And I was just like, I'm gonna act like this didn't happen.

• 34:56H. Foley?

  Man, that thing stinks in the morning.

• 34:58Speaker 01

  I get it, but...

• 34:59Speaker 03

  You can't bury something that's from the dirt. I mean, do you remember back in the day being super poor and like hanging out in front of movie theaters and just taking snipes?

• 35:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:07Speaker 03

  I had, I had like a Ziploc bag full of snipes for like three years.

• 35:10Speaker 01

  Snipes?

• 35:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:11Speaker 01

  For three years?

• 35:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, and I would just have snipes. And then if you didn't have any cigs, you just roll them in bible paper and you had cigs.

• 35:16H. Foley?

  Yeah, I'd throw up.

• 35:18Speaker 03

  Well, hey, man. I was trying to live, you know?

• 35:22Speaker 01

  Either get busy living or get busy dying, man.

• 35:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, you don't need to sleep when you're dreaming all the time.

• 35:26Speaker 01

  I just remember being like, that move at that time, I was just like, that's crazy.

• 35:30H. Foley?

  Yeah, yeah. You smoked it right then and there.

• 35:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, you were like, I'll take it, but it went back in the pack.

• 35:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:36Speaker 01

  Well, it was also, we were real thin on cigs. I was out of cigs. He was probably, I was, if I'm smoking an American spirit menthol at 3 a.m., that's the only cig available. So you were probably down to like, I got three or four left. I'm gonna need them.

• 35:49Speaker 03

  I'm a Dust Bowl farmer at that point.

• 35:52Speaker 03

  And you're just torching my crops. But boy, do you want some wheat tomorrow? Yeah, it was...

• 35:56H. Foley?

  Grain won't grow out here.

• 35:58Speaker 03

  Dude, you remember when we were at that table and that fucking like psycho, uh, honey guy, that beekeeper dude? Just took a chair from our friend and we were like, hey, man, like he's sitting here. And he's like, looks like I'm sitting here.

• 36:10Speaker 01

  No.

• 36:10Speaker 03

  And we just sat at the table with this guy that none of us wanted to be around because we wanted our buddy to be there. He was a nice guy. But it was like, I just remember like...

• 36:17Speaker 01

  He was a beekeeper?

• 36:18Speaker 03

  I think he was, I think he ran an apiary or something.

• 36:21Speaker 01

  I don't even know. I mean, it totally could. I could have been the dealer at one point.

• 36:25H. Foley?

  You were on a little Molly Shanahan.

• 36:27Speaker 01

  I could have been yelling at myself.

• 36:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, you were in a mirror.

• 36:30H. Foley?

  Hit, hit me!

• 36:32Speaker 01

  You ugly bald piece of shit! Your mother never loved you, Kippy!

• 36:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, man. But yes, I have, I have staked out a buffet.

• 36:42H. Foley?

  For sure. For sure.

• 36:44Speaker 01

  This one's just funny. This is for Mac, $10 homie. Are you garbage if cleaning out the garage, you find your social security card? That's, I mean, do you know where yours is at the moment?

• 36:54Speaker 03

  Uh, no. Oh, I do. My dad has it.

• 36:57H. Foley?

  Just in case?

• 36:58Speaker 03

  Yeah. I have my passport. I know my, I know my number.

• 37:01H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 37:02Speaker 03

  When do you need your social security card?

• 37:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, find out what the need for a social security card is anymore.

• 37:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's like getting a birth certificate, I think you need it.

• 37:08Speaker 01

  We were also at the, I'm of the age where it was like, you had it, you had it like, we took it to like, when you applied for a job. It was like, bring your social-

• 37:15Speaker 03

  Really?

• 37:15Speaker 01

  Your license and social security card.

• 37:17Speaker 03

  I never needed it once in a while.

• 37:19Speaker 01

  As like a teenager, yeah, you would need it to prove who you were. I guess for tax purposes, maybe? I don't know.

• 37:24H. Foley?

  Funny, because I have to show mine at the buffet when I go.

• 37:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, to make sure you're not two people.

• 37:29Speaker 01

  You're not three guys in a trench coat?

• 37:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:32Speaker 01

  Hey, are you really age full or are you just three guys in a Hawaiian t-shirt?

• 37:36Speaker 03

  What I am is a paying customer.

• 37:39H. Foley?

  Paying, don't never mind of that.

• 37:40Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 37:41Speaker 01

  Ah.

• 37:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, I always thought you like, had to have your social security card like, hidden. My mom kept it like-

• 37:46H. Foley?

  Mine's hidden right now.

• 37:47Speaker 03

  In a fireproof safe of some kind.

• 37:48Speaker 01

  Mine is, uh, I don't know where it is exactly, but every time I'm cleaning out something that is like, a safe place, whether it's in like, my sock drawer, like a box in my sock drawer, like, something in a filing cabinet. It is in a safe place somewhere. I just don't know where it is. The last time I had to use it was probably for my wife's green card, like, when we got married. I had to-

• 38:08H. Foley?

  Yours is all fucked up?

• 38:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:09Speaker 01

  Dude, I used to keep it in my wallet at that time. In college, I think I had it on me.

• 38:13Speaker 03

  At one point, mine was laminated, and then my mom tried to use it for something, and they said they couldn't accept a laminated card. So now mine's like, ripped and destroyed.

• 38:21H. Foley?

  I was gonna say, can you un-laminate something?

• 38:22Speaker 03

  She did, I remember.

• 38:23Speaker 01

  Not well.

• 38:24H. Foley?

  Really?

• 38:24Speaker 03

  She had to steam it. I remember her like, standing like, over, like, remember when you would play football and you needed a mouthguard?

• 38:29Speaker 01

  Is she from Catch Me If You Can? That's crazy.

• 38:30Speaker 03

  Pretty much, yeah.

• 38:31Speaker 01

  Frank Avicale?

• 38:32Speaker 03

  My mom's a, she had her fingers in a lot of pot.

• 38:36H. Foley?

  Pan Am sticker on it. Kent, what do you know about Factor?

• 38:39Speaker 01

  Factor, factor, factor.

• 38:41H. Foley?

  Do you like delicious meals, ready to eat? You just gotta throw them in the microwave, heat them up a little bit?

• 38:45Speaker 01

  What, am I a bozo? Of course I do.

• 38:47H. Foley?

  Takes about two minutes?

• 38:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:48H. Foley?

  You want to look good this summer?

• 38:49Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 38:49H. Foley?

  Huh? Do you like protein-packed? Do you like keto? Do you like more? Do you like more calorie smart?

• 38:56Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 38:56H. Foley?

  Do yourself a favor, get over to Factor. The absolute best. The only problem you're gonna have-

• 39:02Speaker 01

  You're gonna love them. I'm gonna want to eat two or three of them. Eating well has never been this easy. Just heat up, enjoy, giving you more time to do what you want. Get outside instead of sitting in there prepping over a hot stove all day. Fat ass. Factor meals arrive fresh and ready to eat, perfect for any active lifestyle with 45 weekly menu options. You can pick gourmet meals that fit your goals. Choose from calorie smart, protein plus, keto and more. As the big man said, it's well documented on his show. We're a pro Factor family, dawg. We are. I was pro Factor. I was ordering Factor way before they were even a sponsor. I'll back them up on that. That chicken shredded chicken taco ball, I throw them on a pest, right up on a pan, eat about two, three of them things. Delicious.

• 39:43Speaker 01

  You can get started at factormeals.com/garbage50off and use the code garbage50off to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box. That's code garbage50off at factormeals.com/garbage50off. 450% off plus free shipping. Do it. Do it.

• 39:58H. Foley?

  Kevin, what's up about Mint Mobile?

• 39:59Speaker 01

  Shout out to Mint Mobile.

• 40:00H. Foley?

  Gang, summer is right around the corner and the folks at Mint Mobile got a hot take for you. Getting that summer bod is out. Look, you're a fat pig, there's nothing you can do about it. But what you can do about is your summer savings. Get that summer savings bod in.

• 40:13Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 40:13H. Foley?

  This spring and summer, we want skippy wireless bills and fat wallets. That's what I like to hear, huh? Couple other fat things. And with premium wireless plans at just 15 bucks a month, you can have both without breaking a sweat or breaking the bank.

• 40:28Speaker 01

  Yeah. My wife, my family's been using Mint Mobile for a very long time. It was fantastic. Years ago, years, eons ago, I Googled, I need an easy way to do this. Bada bing bada boom, it popped up and I've been, we've been hooked ever since. Say bye to overpriced wireless plans, jaw dropping monthly bills and unexpected overages. Mint Mobile is here to rescue. All plans come with high speed data and unlimited talking text, but you know that. Delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. Ditch overpriced wireless and get three premium months of wireless service from Mint Mobile for just 15 bucks a month. Get your knife out, let's carve this turkey this year. Skip breaking a sweat and breaking the bank. Get your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans at mintmobile.com/garbage. That's mintmobile.com/garbage. Disclaimer, upfront payment of

• 41:11Speaker 01

  $45 for a three month 5GB plan is required, which is the equivalent of $15 per month. New customer offer for the first three months only, then full price plan options available. Taxes and fees extra. See me mobile for details. Do it.

• 41:23H. Foley?

  Do it. I used to love boiling my mouth guard at the beginning of the year. That was the best.

• 41:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:27H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 41:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, it felt good. That was my mom with the social security thing.

• 41:30H. Foley?

  There you go.

• 41:31Speaker 03

  Did you ever, did, now the kids now have different mouth guards every game.

• 41:34H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 41:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, but I had that same one and you would just chew on it.

• 41:37Speaker 01

  You chew through it. Like in the middle, it would be gone.

• 41:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:41Speaker 01

  Like your teeth would be touching.

• 41:42Speaker 03

  What about the strap on the helmet?

• 41:43H. Foley?

  What about it?

• 41:44Speaker 03

  I would leave mine undone.

• 41:45H. Foley?

  What?

• 41:46Speaker 03

  Purposely, yeah.

• 41:47H. Foley?

  You chucking in Eric? No kidding?

• 41:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, it was bronzing in there.

• 41:50H. Foley?

  They didn't say anything to you?

• 41:51Speaker 03

  What are they gonna say?

• 41:52H. Foley?

  Put your chin strap on.

• 41:53Speaker 03

  Yes, sir.

• 41:55Speaker 03

  I can't get it to merit because I want to be all league again. Yeah.

• 41:59H. Foley?

  No kidding. I had my chin strap always buckled up.

• 42:01Speaker 03

  Oh, it was like the tough guy move, like no chin strap.

• 42:03H. Foley?

  No kidding?

• 42:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, it is a tough guy move. Yeah.

• 42:05Speaker 03

  I don't know who it was for. I don't think any-

• 42:07Speaker 01

  CTE move too.

• 42:08Speaker 03

  For sure. Yeah. My brain's bad.

• 42:11H. Foley?

  Tell you what, wandering around a buffet. Waiting for the crab legs that aren't there.

• 42:15Speaker 03

  Sam's sundowning again. He thinks there's crab legs.

• 42:19H. Foley?

  Sam, that's a car dealership.

• 42:22Speaker 03

  I'm just nodding.

• 42:24Speaker 01

  We used to, uh, we didn't have to wear them and we played hockey and then one year they made you, it was like, uh, I guess, I don't know, statewide or whatever. It was like all kids have to wear it. So everybody cut them just to show here. It just covered your front two teeth and wasn't in the back.

• 42:39H. Foley?

  Oh, okay.

• 42:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, so you were like faking it.

• 42:41H. Foley?

  Now, I always wanted to have mine in because I didn't want to, because I got hit a couple of times and it, it could bit down on your teeth.

• 42:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:47H. Foley?

  It hurt like a motherfucker.

• 42:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, God forbid your jaw moves backwards on the hinge.

• 42:51H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 42:51Speaker 03

  That made me throw up. Yeah.

• 42:53H. Foley?

  Yeah, I don't want to fuck my teeth up. That and a cup I always wore.

• 42:56Speaker 03

  I never wore a cup once.

• 42:57H. Foley?

  Yeah, I got hit in the balls with a lacrosse ball. That would teach you a lesson.

• 43:00Speaker 03

  Lacrosse would make sense. Projectile sports makes sense. But yeah. And I remember, dude, like just grabbing people's sacks.

• 43:05H. Foley?

  No kidding?

• 43:06Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 43:07H. Foley?

  During the game or after?

• 43:08Speaker 03

  Getting in the armpit hair. Like if, if you were on for like, uh, like PAT and the kids are going up to block it, you grab their armpit hair and yank it out. They're never going up again.

• 43:16H. Foley?

  Jesus Christ.

• 43:18Speaker 03

  Uh huh.

• 43:18H. Foley?

  What kind of football were you playing? Although my uncle who played for Villanova in the seventies told me that they used to take-

• 43:25Speaker 03

  Shave points?

• 43:28Speaker 03

  The fix was in.

• 43:29H. Foley?

  A little sick that day.

• 43:31Speaker 01

  He's the kicker, he's smoking.

• 43:35Speaker 03

  Has his shoes on the wrong feet.

• 43:36Speaker 01

  Played in this.

• 43:37H. Foley?

  I don't know if this was in high school or college.

• 43:38Speaker 01

  It's all black and white.

• 43:39H. Foley?

  But I remember him telling me a story that they used to take a bottle cap and they would pinch it, you know, like, put it in.

• 43:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:47H. Foley?

  And they'd put it in their sock and when they got into a pile, they would scratch each other's faces.

• 43:50Speaker 01

  What, they in the longest yard?

• 43:52Speaker 03

  What?

• 43:52Speaker 01

  That's fucking, they're all wearing brass knuckles.

• 43:57H. Foley?

  And scratch your cheek with it.

• 43:58Speaker 01

  What?

• 43:59H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 44:00Speaker 03

  Golly. There's, there's all these like stories of like pile, uh, trauma, like grabbing ankles and spinning it. I was never in a pile long enough to pull out a fucking, to gig someone, you know? To get taller in the pile.

• 44:12H. Foley?

  Ever hearing that, I was like, damn.

• 44:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's, that's a bit much.

• 44:16Speaker 01

  Uh, what do you got on, uh, social security cards?

• 44:18Speaker 04

  I, it seems like you only need the card itself if you're, uh, correcting a social security number that's already on file. Like if they messed it up in the system, but.

• 44:28Speaker 01

  That they become that obsolete.

• 44:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, like they say new job, some benefits, but I have, I mean, I've never had to do it for a job.

• 44:34Speaker 03

  You don't have a social security number, right?

• 44:36Speaker 01

  We didn't ask for your social security card when you started working here? That's crazy. Didn't we not? What? Dude, there is no pay, I mean, there's, there's.

• 44:43Speaker 04

  Handshake deal, baby.

• 44:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, we're all a handshake dealer out here. And then our business manager's like, that is fucking crazy. I'm like, why's it got us this far?

• 44:50Speaker 03

  You just go like this?

• 44:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, like, I don't know, man, it's fucking working.

• 44:54Speaker 03

  Look around.

• 44:54Speaker 01

  He's a good kid. Come over here, start counting my pennies. He doesn't like when I trash him.

• 45:01Speaker 01

  I'll get a text. I heard this Igor episode. I'm like, ah, I'm sorry about that. Uh, all right, let's see. This is another, this is a little food heavy. Um, this is from SavagePimp83. Uh, no clue if this has ever been said, but spoon or fork for mac and cheese?

• 45:17H. Foley?

  Oh, interesting question.

• 45:19Speaker 01

  Obviously, if it's a portion on a, on a plate, you're gonna just be eating with a fork usually, if you're out somewhere or whatever. But if I'm by myself, I might just go big tablespoon.

• 45:30Speaker 03

  Mr. Talent? Are you eating mac and cheese by yourself a lot?

• 45:33Speaker 01

  No, if I'm doing that, I mean, I have in the past, a lot.

• 45:35Speaker 03

  Yeah. Uh, well, here's my issue is that what, who's making the mac and cheese? Because if it's like white person mac and cheese, it's kind of like soupy and runny.

• 45:44Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 45:44Speaker 03

  You want a spoon.

• 45:45Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 45:46Speaker 03

  Because you want to scrape all the delicious Velveeta goo off the bottom.

• 45:49Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 45:50Speaker 03

  But if you're eating like a classic black mac and cheese.

• 45:52Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 45:53Speaker 03

  That's as thick as the pot is long.

• 45:54Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 45:55Speaker 03

  You need, you need a fucking fork to chop off the corner.

• 45:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'll give you that. Well, it's got more of a fucking texture to it.

• 46:02Speaker 03

  Yes. I will say this. I have, in White Lotus, they're eating the Thai style with the spoon and the fork. And I've been emulating that and I love it.

• 46:10Speaker 01

  Wait, so you're just going one and one?

• 46:11Speaker 03

  You get a spoon, you get a fork. If you need to chop or poke.

• 46:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:14Speaker 03

  If you want to scoop.

• 46:15Speaker 01

  I've always been anti-knife if I gotta.

• 46:18Speaker 03

  I have too, unless it's steak.

• 46:19Speaker 01

  You can, you can, yes, you can, you can accomplish everything with a fork or a spoon.

• 46:22H. Foley?

  Wait, hold on. What are you talking about? I haven't seen this season of White Lotus. What do you mean?

• 46:27Speaker 03

  So, they have a spoon and then they have a fork.

• 46:29H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 46:30Speaker 03

  And then when they're eating stuff, there's like a pull apart if you need to for like the chicken.

• 46:33Speaker 01

  They work together.

• 46:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, they work in concert.

• 46:36H. Foley?

  Does Thai people do this?

• 46:36Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm, yeah.

• 46:37H. Foley?

  They don't use chopsticks?

• 46:38Speaker 03

  Uh-uh. So that's the thing is I thought they were chopstick people.

• 46:41H. Foley?

  Huh.

• 46:42Speaker 03

  I don't know if you're supposed to say chopstick people, but, you know.

• 46:45Speaker 01

  Depends what show you're on.

• 46:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:48H. Foley?

  I understood what you meant.

• 46:49Speaker 03

  Thank you. But yeah, so like, uh, when, we eat a lot of Thai food and I was always asked for chopsticks and they were like, we don't have those.

• 46:55H. Foley?

  No kidding?

• 46:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 46:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, here. So in Thailand, most common utensils for eating are fork and spoon while chopsticks are used for certain noodle dishes like, not gonna try it and bah me. Fork and spoon are used primarily utensils for Thai meals. The fork is used to push food onto the spoon, which goes to the mouth. Now we're talking.

• 47:13H. Foley?

  That's where it goes?

• 47:14Speaker 01

  I've been shoving it on my ass.

• 47:17H. Foley?

  Because I, this is gonna sound very fat.

• 47:19Speaker 01

  No.

• 47:20Speaker 03

  You're safe. You're with me.

• 47:21H. Foley?

  My predominant mode vehicle of.

• 47:26Speaker 01

  Sandwich.

• 47:27H. Foley?

  Eating is the spoon.

• 47:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, me too. I love the spoon.

• 47:30H. Foley?

  I do enjoy the spoon.

• 47:31Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 47:31Speaker 01

  I don't think it, it's the easiest.

• 47:33H. Foley?

  Especially for Chinese food.

• 47:33Speaker 01

  It's the less, you can shake on it. There's no, there's holes in a fucking fork.

• 47:38Speaker 03

  Also, the concave nature of the spoon makes it better for cutting than the fork is. The spoon's actually a better cutter.

• 47:46H. Foley?

  It is, you're right.

• 47:47Speaker 01

  We're getting to the bottom of that. I might start doing that, but if you go-

• 47:49Speaker 03

  It's built like a shovel. Shovels are built for getting into the earth.

• 47:52Speaker 01

  Somebody has that bit. I think it's fucking, uh-

• 47:55Speaker 03

  Mr. Pants, probably.

• 47:57Speaker 01

  I think it's Seinfeld. He's like, "You work all day with a shovel till in the field, then you go home, and you try to eat with chopsticks."

• 48:03Speaker 03

  It was easier back then.

• 48:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're not wrong.

• 48:08H. Foley?

  Yeah, like, uh, you ever get like one of like a, like a thin shitty fork?

• 48:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:12H. Foley?

  And they're like real thin, it's, you can't get a good bite.

• 48:15Speaker 03

  Plastic spork, get it out of here. I'm snapping off that thine, and I'm so busy-

• 48:19Speaker 01

  Thine, that's what it's called.

• 48:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, you, when you, when you get a plastic fork and you snap it off, odds are, I'm eating that fucking thine.

• 48:25Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 48:26Speaker 03

  Cause I didn't notice it snapped.

• 48:28Speaker 01

  I'm with you.

• 48:28Speaker 03

  You know how many times I've been in a food court and accidentally ate plastic? Enough that it's a story.

• 48:32H. Foley?

  What do you mean? What's a thine?

• 48:33Speaker 01

  I'm bringing it up when I pop the podcast.

• 48:35Speaker 03

  The thine is the three prongs that go off the fork.

• 48:36Speaker 01

  The prong is a thine.

• 48:37H. Foley?

  Man, you are a writer. It's pretty good.

• 48:39Speaker 03

  Oh, I thought thine was-

• 48:40Speaker 01

  Maybe in your intellectual circles, you roll in.

• 48:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, in Hamtown.

• 48:45H. Foley?

  Hamtown, USA.

• 48:46Speaker 01

  Listen, I tell everybody I read your book. I actually listened to it.

• 48:49Speaker 03

  That counts. The braille counts. Listening counts.

• 48:52H. Foley?

  It was told to me secondhand.

• 48:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:55Speaker 01

  I would come in every morning.

• 48:56Speaker 03

  You had it read to you.

• 48:57Speaker 01

  Then last night.

• 49:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm big on the spoon. I think the spoon's the most-

• 49:03Speaker 01

  Well, that's good, and then I guess you could, now, let's say you, you're, you know, we're, we're in New York right now. Let's say after this, we go out to a nice dinner. Are you gonna ask for a spoon if it's not the-

• 49:11Speaker 03

  Hey, I'd love to.

• 49:12Speaker 01

  I know. Are you gonna ask for-

• 49:14H. Foley?

  No, not at a restaurant.

• 49:15Speaker 01

  I'm asking, well, why stop that? Why not just be comfortable and efficient and eat how you wanna eat?

• 49:19Speaker 03

  If, usually the spoon's in the roll-up.

• 49:22Speaker 01

  True.

• 49:22Speaker 03

  I'm not in a lot of places where I have to ask for a spoon.

• 49:24H. Foley?

  Really?

• 49:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:25H. Foley?

  The spoon's in the roll-up. Where are you eating?

• 49:27Speaker 03

  Uh-

• 49:28H. Foley?

  That's prison shit.

• 49:29Speaker 03

  What do you mean?

• 49:30H. Foley?

  A spoon in the roll-up.

• 49:31Speaker 01

  I don't know, man.

• 49:32Speaker 03

  You know the roll-up, right? Like the napkin roll?

• 49:33H. Foley?

  Of course.

• 49:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 49:34H. Foley?

  There's never a spoon in there.

• 49:35Speaker 03

  I usually think all three are in there.

• 49:37H. Foley?

  No. Fork and knife.

• 49:38Speaker 03

  Really?

• 49:39H. Foley?

  That's crazy talk.

• 49:40Speaker 03

  Oh, I'm out there?

• 49:41H. Foley?

  That's saying quitting shit.

• 49:42Speaker 03

  This is too far?

• 49:43H. Foley?

  That's sink-sink. You got your spoon in your pocket?

• 49:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:48Speaker 01

  It's a telescopic one, it goes long.

• 49:50Speaker 03

  No, I'm just rubbing it against the concrete to prep myself.

• 49:53H. Foley?

  You got a baby bird in the other pocket?

• 49:55Speaker 03

  Yeah. I was riffing on the Latin Kings pretty hard last night, boys.

• 49:59Speaker 01

  I got it.

• 50:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 50:00H. Foley?

  Um, I do do-

• 50:01Speaker 01

  What do you got?

• 50:02Speaker 04

  Spoon seems to be the rarer addition.

• 50:04Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 50:04Speaker 04

  Out of the two.

• 50:05H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 50:05Speaker 03

  I feel like I've never had to ask for a spoon. And if there's not a spoon, I'm not being like, hey, I don't know how to eat now. I can figure it out.

• 50:11H. Foley?

  Korean barbecue, I use predominantly a spoon.

• 50:14Speaker 03

  They have that long metal spoon, too. Yeah. And then if someone starts reaching, you can slap their hands with it.

• 50:19H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 50:20Speaker 03

  Those spoons had to be outlawed. Those spoons, because we go to Korean barbecue a lot with my friends in Denver. Those spoons had to be outlawed in the same way that like pantsing people had to be outlawed in my early twenties.

• 50:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:30Speaker 03

  Um-

• 50:31Speaker 01

  In your early twenties, you were pantsing people?

• 50:33Speaker 03

  I remember being at like weddings and like-

• 50:34Speaker 01

  That should be a question, weddings?

• 50:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 50:36H. Foley?

  Pantsing the bride?

• 50:37Speaker 01

  When was the last time you pantsed someone or been pantsed?

• 50:39Speaker 03

  Oh, well, my 20 year's coming up and already my friends are like, so are we, is it, is there a truce being called?

• 50:45Speaker 01

  Is the treaty still intact?

• 50:46Speaker 03

  We're almost all 40, are we gonna be, well, the worst one was the pants and the push.

• 50:52Speaker 03

  You ever get pantsed and pushed? That was the big move. Yeah. You work, you work-

• 50:56Speaker 01

  Dude, laying on the ground, hanging brain at a wedding is a tough look.

• 50:59Speaker 03

  And it's even better because there's that moment where you go over where you're like, whoa, my pants are down, ah, and then you look up and you see your underwear or with my dirtbag friends, just your fucking revealed balls.

• 51:10Speaker 01

  It's also like, man, my pants fell down, I'm, this could not get any worse.

• 51:16Speaker 01

  Ah! And then you get the wind knocked out of you, you're huffing.

• 51:20H. Foley?

  Are you Biff Tannen?

• 51:21Speaker 01

  That's crazy, dude. I remember learning at an early age, I almost got got on the playground. I was wearing basketball shorts to school.

• 51:29Speaker 03

  Oh, no.

• 51:30Speaker 01

  And basketball shorts, you just-

• 51:31Speaker 03

  You're begging for it.

• 51:32Speaker 01

  Oh, man. And they went, someone got me from behind and I was, I was able to get my front, so just my ass got out.

• 51:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 51:39Speaker 01

  I was able to save, save the fucking tiddlywink.

• 51:42Speaker 03

  Your honor, did you see how he was dressed?

• 51:44Speaker 01

  And dude, from then on, I'm doing like two belts, fucking tight pair of corduroys, you ain't getting these things off.

• 51:50H. Foley?

  You would have been called Kevin Mangina for the rest of high school.

• 51:52Speaker 03

  Oh, for sure.

• 51:53H. Foley?

  The chode.

• 51:55Speaker 01

  I wish.

• 51:55H. Foley?

  The little guy.

• 51:58H. Foley?

  Little big man.

• 52:01Speaker 01

  Hi buddy. Had a great line when we asked him if you got pants right, what would happen? Are you a great, somebody's talking to you a grower, a jower and he went, "If I got pants right now, I'd have to switch schools."

• 52:10H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 52:11Speaker 01

  And I was like, "Buddy, I feel ya."

• 52:13H. Foley?

  I'd move for sure.

• 52:15Speaker 03

  Yeah. It is funny that moment of you're like, "Well, this is surely the bottom of my day."

• 52:19Speaker 01

  This is the worst, this is the worst of my month.

• 52:21Speaker 03

  There's no way this could get worse.

• 52:24Speaker 03

  And then you've ruined the one jacket you have in the mud at your fucking rodeo wedding you're at.

• 52:28Speaker 01

  I fell, I fell at a wedding one time, so fucked up and it was one of those ones. It was down in Fishtown in, in Philadelphia is, uh, like an event space. It was, it used to be like a warehouse, so the floor was concrete. Like the whole floor was concrete. Like, but smooth, like redone, finished concrete, man.

• 52:46Speaker 03

  Roller rink concrete.

• 52:47Speaker 01

  Yes, and I got, I don't know.

• 52:49H. Foley?

  Sounds like a classy affair.

• 52:50Speaker 01

  I got four, the IPAs just hit. I got like fucking 15 IPAs at me. Didn't know they were heavier than regu-, you know, normal.

• 52:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 52:58Speaker 01

  And man, it was one of those where like, it feels like that fucking, that GoPro's on you and the floor came up to me.

• 53:05Speaker 03

  Oh yeah.

• 53:05Speaker 01

  I did not move dude. And next thing you know, just looking up and everyone, people's grandmoms are like, "What the hell's wrong with them?"

• 53:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:11Speaker 01

  Fucking tough luck.

• 53:12H. Foley?

  Is he doing the worm?

• 53:14Speaker 03

  My dad passed out at my sister's wedding. He got too high. And then there was like three minutes of our, of the wedding where we were like, "I wonder if my dad's dead." You know, we're like dancing.

• 53:23Speaker 01

  I think he'll be alright.

• 53:25H. Foley?

  Danny got too high.

• 53:26Speaker 03

  My dad got too high and then all that, so then he's fine, obviously. And then my sister's like, "You ruined my wedding."

• 53:32H. Foley?

  To you?

• 53:33Speaker 03

  No, to my dad. We thought you were dead for a big part of the speeches, old man.

• 53:39H. Foley?

  It was during the speeches?

• 53:40Speaker 03

  No, no, it was towards the end of the evening. But, uh, yeah, he did succumb to his own vice and he was just on the ground. And my wife's a doctor and she was like, Went over there, you know, boogaloo.

• 53:50H. Foley?

  Passing out from weed.

• 53:51Speaker 01

  My cousin, it was younger, he was probably like an early teen, you know, whatever, maybe like fourteen or something. He ate a cookie that had a peanut in it or something.

• 54:00Speaker 03

  Oh no.

• 54:01Speaker 01

  At my brother's wedding, man. And they came, they rushed like, full-blown fucking cops, you know, ambulance.

• 54:08Speaker 03

  It's your brother's wedding?

• 54:09Speaker 01

  And no one gave a fuck. Dude, he was like out, he wasn't in the room anymore, he was like out in the hallway. And dude, no, "You alright?" Or it was just like back to fucking bumping and grinding.

• 54:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, you just grab him by his fucking air forces, drag him into the hall. You put him underneath that flag at half-mast in the VFW where all of the weddings in your family take place.

• 54:28Speaker 01

  This is a glazy affair.

• 54:30Speaker 03

  I can't believe you remember the concrete in the wedding hall.

• 54:32Speaker 01

  Ah, yeah.

• 54:33Speaker 03

  That was.

• 54:34H. Foley?

  Laying under a "Don't tread on me" flag?

• 54:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:37H. Foley?

  Everybody salutes him, goes back to the dance.

• 54:43Speaker 03

  One guy freaks out because he's underneath an American flag and he remembers all of his buddies' funerals.

• 54:48H. Foley?

  Starts losing it.

• 54:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:50H. Foley?

  Fold up an Eagles flag, give it to your mom.

• 54:53Speaker 01

  He was a good kid.

• 54:57Speaker 01

  They're doing that thing where they're walking into each other.

• 55:06Speaker 01

  Go, Bert!

• 55:07Speaker 03

  Twenty-one bump salute.

• 55:10Speaker 01

  Pushed it.

• 55:10H. Foley?

  Too far.

• 55:11Speaker 03

  It was good.

• 55:13H. Foley?

  Thank you.

• 55:13Speaker 01

  Just time it, time it.

• 55:14Speaker 03

  That's my favorite part of the show is where you go, "Nothing on that!"

• 55:17Speaker 01

  Nothing on that.

• 55:18Speaker 03

  It's like, there was maybe a third of a second for the joke to hit, and you're already reeling.

• 55:25H. Foley?

  Panic sex is quick.

• 55:26Speaker 03

  Oh, I understand.

• 55:30H. Foley?

  Time moves slow behind the microphone.

• 55:32Speaker 03

  It's all bullet time for you, your max pain.

• 55:35H. Foley?

  It's like interstellar.

• 55:37Speaker 01

  Uh, now I know me and Foley don't have this, but out there in the great plains with you, maybe, this is from Foley's discarded boxes. "Ten dollar homie, never had one read. Have you or anyone in your family lived an extended period of time in an RV?" Bonus points if that was in a driveway of a home.

• 55:54Speaker 03

  So we had an old, broken down RV, like, on our property, and we'd play in there.

• 55:59Speaker 01

  That's fun.

• 56:00Speaker 03

  Right, but like, remember the seats, like, underneath the seat covers in those old RVs? Whatever they stuffed those seats with was toxic to skin.

• 56:07Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 56:07Speaker 03

  So you'd be in there being like, "I'm driving the school bus." And then you go inside and it looks like you were exposed to Agent Orange.

• 56:12Speaker 01

  Yes, you got stung by bees.

• 56:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, I remember coming inside and like, having to, like, my mom being like, "God damn it." And just like, going into the shower and then standing there and like, a bunch of just orange dust was all over.

• 56:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:23H. Foley?

  We've come across a pretty good amount of the bozos and the homies at the shows, and we love that they share it, where that is the case. More than a few of, we live, a young couple, we live in an RV on my mom, in my mom's driveway.

• 56:38Speaker 01

  It's usually bouncing back, they're getting their shit together, uh, or divorce, you know, someone moves out to like, their dad's like, "Fuck you, I'm just gonna, I already got the house and the RV, I'll just live in the RV."

• 56:49H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 56:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's, uh, that's not great. Anytime, and I didn't have a lot of time in an RV, I had, my, my stepdad's dad had one that we would use in staying, and I loved it, it was like, fuck it.

• 57:00Speaker 03

  It's fun.

• 57:01Speaker 01

  It was like, the coolest thing, uh, that we ever fucking had. My mom hated it, but I liked it.

• 57:05H. Foley?

  What would you play in there? What would you play in the RV? Cause I remember when I was a kid at my dad's softball games, all the kids would sometimes go to one of the parents' cars, and we would play family.

• 57:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 57:16H. Foley?

  Like, I'm the dad driving.

• 57:17Speaker 01

  There's a cop.

• 57:18H. Foley?

  What do you play in a broken down RV? You playing like, zombie apocalypse or end of the world?

• 57:23Speaker 03

  I think house.

• 57:24H. Foley?

  House?

• 57:25Speaker 01

  It's kinda house, yeah, makes sense.

• 57:26Speaker 03

  Cause there's like, cabinets and a little fridge and a sink, you know?

• 57:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're doing dishes.

• 57:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 57:30Speaker 01

  You got a smelly dishwasher, you know?

• 57:31H. Foley?

  Playing a poor family.

• 57:32Speaker 03

  Uh-huh, yeah, and we were just playing the, it was the same thing as my other house. But I'm in charge. Fruit rollups are anytime.

• 57:43Speaker 03

  Oh, you know, it's weird, like, how-

• 57:44H. Foley?

  Coming in, "I got laid off again today."

• 57:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 57:46H. Foley?

  What?

• 57:47Speaker 03

  Honey, we're ruined! It's my sister. She starts fake crying.

• 57:54Speaker 03

  The 180 on like living in a van or an RV when we were young, it's like, oh, man, you know, it'll turn around. But now it's like all these kids living, because first of all, it's the only financial legitimate choice they can make.

• 58:06Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 58:06Speaker 03

  But then also it's like, yeah, we're freewheeling. All we need is each other and the national park pass.

• 58:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:11Speaker 03

  So I don't know. I know a lot of like people who currently live in vehicles, but it's as some kind of like, you know, on the road.

• 58:17H. Foley?

  They do hook them up too. They look really nice.

• 58:19Speaker 03

  For sure, yeah.

• 58:20Speaker 01

  I do get it as in the sense of like, if you're like told, you gotta go to college, you gotta do this, you gotta get in the system. And you're like, nah, I can fucking save up money, live off the grid, a decent amount, and like also then do like the gig economy. You'd be like, oh, I'll do this to earn cash and then fucking hang out the rest of the day.

• 58:36H. Foley?

  You don't gotta go to college, trust me.

• 58:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, whatever you do. Take it from me, a guy who took fucking 18 years to graduate.

• 58:43Speaker 01

  Now look at him.

• 58:43H. Foley?

  Published author.

• 58:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, I just, yeah, well, thank you.

• 58:47Speaker 01

  Kid can't even read.

• 58:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's all ghost written.

• 58:51Speaker 01

  We're a...

• 58:52Speaker 03

  It was Norm's last project.

• 58:54H. Foley?

  It's all ChatGPT. Early edition, the beta version of that.

• 59:01Speaker 01

  All right, this, we have a time for a couple more. This was from Foley is Foxy.

• 59:05H. Foley?

  Hello.

• 59:07Speaker 01

  Must be a blind broad. Is it garbage to get hypnotized on a cruise ship? My aunt volunteered and was convinced she was a duck. She ran around on stage flapping and imagined her wings quacking like a maniac. She claimed she had no recollection when the hypnotist clapped his hands and brought her back to life.

• 59:21H. Foley?

  What do you think about that? Sam Talbot, do you believe in that? I mean, obviously, is that woman going along for the ride or is she actually hypnotized?

• 59:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think it's the ramification of like mass peer pressure. Cause like I've, I used to open for like hypnotists occasionally. Like when I was doing the, like the Mountain Time Zone, there was a lot of hypnotist shows and I would open and you'd sit there the whole time just trying to figure it out.

• 59:42Speaker 01

  Like what? Is it real?

• 59:44Speaker 03

  Yeah. And like the whole thing is the guy would walk around the room and he'd just be like watching people watch me and he'd see people who he thought would be susceptible to his, to his...

• 59:53Speaker 01

  They're taking out a mark.

• 59:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. So then they round them up. And then the thing is, you'd get like fifteen people up there, and there's a whittling down. So there's like four different games he would play before he had the final three.

• 1:00:03Speaker 01

  And then be like, I know, yeah.

• 1:00:04Speaker 03

  Then those three will do whatever the fuck he wants.

• 1:00:06Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:00:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:00:07H. Foley?

  And but they'll do it because they're hypnotized or because?

• 1:00:09Speaker 01

  They're susceptible to it. They think they're they're playing along. They think they're in a trance.

• 1:00:14Speaker 03

  It's like part of the show. And also, this is their big moment, and they're on stage, and they're being peer pressured in front of a bunch of people typically in a small town who they know. You know, so it's like all these different Venn diagrams swirling to create the perfect mark. And then you find that perfect mark, and then they'll quack like the duck or whatever.

• 1:00:29H. Foley?

  I've always wanted to be hypnotized.

• 1:00:31Speaker 01

  What do you got?

• 1:00:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, it seems to just be, it's a a change in brain activity where you you reduce the activity in the areas of like self-reflection and task switching. So it's just like a deeply deeply relaxed state where the person is highly receptive to suggestions.

• 1:00:47Speaker 03

  But that's like therapeutic hypnotism. That's like quitting smoking hypnotism. This is like, you know, there's a fucking brisket buffet by the stage hypnotism.

• 1:00:57H. Foley?

  Where's that at?

• 1:00:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, tell me. Carney, Nebraska.

• 1:01:01H. Foley?

  So it does work. So it is real.

• 1:01:03Speaker 03

  I don't know. I think what he's describing is a completely different phenomenon.

• 1:01:06Speaker 01

  Quit smoking. Get like our hypnotist acts, like, you know, a live show hypnotist. Do live show hypnotists or live show hypnotists.

• 1:01:13H. Foley?

  Couldn't I be hypnotized not to eat?

• 1:01:15Speaker 01

  No, probably not.

• 1:01:18Speaker 03

  We would need to like.

• 1:01:19Speaker 01

  Have to bring in Penn and Teller to get.

• 1:01:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, we'd have to get Cthulhu involved.

• 1:01:23H. Foley?

  Jedi Knight.

• 1:01:24Speaker 01

  Cause they used to.

• 1:01:25H. Foley?

  Come from the outer rim.

• 1:01:26Speaker 01

  They used to do it at my junior high.

• 1:01:29Speaker 03

  What? It was like one of the gym teachers?

• 1:01:31Speaker 01

  You're not wrong. It was one of the one of the assemblies each year was like, this hypnotist would come in, and we'd get like ten people up there. And, you know, the the stories you would hear, because my brother had gone through the schooling, like, dude, it's fucking crazy, like, and I think the guy started getting a little.

• 1:01:49Speaker 01

  Naughty, went and like had like the girls dancing and stuff. And they, they, they fucking axed it before I got there.

• 1:01:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:01:55Speaker 01

  I was devastated.

• 1:01:56Speaker 03

  I've seen-

• 1:01:56Speaker 01

  Dude, imagine being a seventh grader and getting to see all the girls you're in love with.

• 1:02:00Speaker 03

  Twerking?

• 1:02:00Speaker 01

  Twerking or whatever.

• 1:02:02Speaker 03

  On stage?

• 1:02:02Speaker 01

  Taking their tops.

• 1:02:03H. Foley?

  That's wrong.

• 1:02:05Speaker 01

  What do you got?

• 1:02:05Speaker 04

  Sam is right, so that was like more therapeutic.

• 1:02:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:09Speaker 04

  Uh, this, the stage acts are more peer pressure, social compliance, and like suggestibility and like desire for attention.

• 1:02:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:16Speaker 01

  Wow, you nailed it on the fucking-

• 1:02:18Speaker 03

  Weapon on it.

• 1:02:18Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 1:02:19Speaker 03

  I watched it a bunch.

• 1:02:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, true.

• 1:02:21Speaker 03

  As I'm back there like, huh, so I got a hundred bucks for this.

• 1:02:26H. Foley?

  You're back there clucking like a chicken?

• 1:02:28Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:02:28H. Foley?

  This is all bullshit.

• 1:02:29Speaker 03

  I'm back there battering myself.

• 1:02:33Speaker 01

  Uh...

• 1:02:34Speaker 03

  That shit's, that shit's like, if you see that live, it's one of the best shows. It's like, when you see like a magician comedian?

• 1:02:39Speaker 01

  I'm-

• 1:02:39Speaker 03

  I love that shit.

• 1:02:40Speaker 01

  If they're right, I watched one guy, he's, he's Staten Island guy, I forget his name, like Gemini or something like that? And he came down to this show we were doing-

• 1:02:47Speaker 03

  Is he black?

• 1:02:48Speaker 01

  In P A, no.

• 1:02:48Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 1:02:49Speaker 01

  Old white, old white Italian guy, and he comes, dude, in the first, the first half hour, he's like, just tell him I got here from Italy. I'm like, alright.

• 1:02:56Speaker 03

  You got it.

• 1:02:57Speaker 01

  So he's up there and he's-

• 1:02:57Speaker 03

  The magic starts here, huh?

• 1:02:58Speaker 01

  He's doing- This guy came in in character.

• 1:03:01Speaker 03

  I'm in on the act. Where's the box?

• 1:03:03Speaker 01

  So he comes up and he's, well, he's doing very broken English, like a word here and there, and then halfway through, he just breaks his Staten Island accent. He's like, I'm fucking getting with you.

• 1:03:11Speaker 03

  Classic.

• 1:03:11Speaker 01

  And that like erupts, erupts in laughter.

• 1:03:14Speaker 03

  That's the classic like Asian comic move, where they go up, you know, and they're like, well, you know what they say.

• 1:03:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know, I know where you're going. Real chopstick stuff.

• 1:03:21Speaker 03

  Right, yeah. And then like 12 minutes in, they're like, I'm just fucking with y'all, and everyone's like, no way! And then they close.

• 1:03:29Speaker 01

  That's it for me.

• 1:03:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, and everyone's like, yeah.

• 1:03:32Speaker 01

  Uh, God, all right, we gotta wrap it up though, gang.

• 1:03:34Speaker 03

  What?

• 1:03:35Speaker 01

  I know!

• 1:03:35Speaker 03

  Time flew by.

• 1:03:36H. Foley?

  Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Sam Tallent, he's gonna be in the UK in May. You're gonna be where, Glasgow?

• 1:03:41Speaker 03

  Yep, London, Manchester.

• 1:03:43H. Foley?

  Look at that, then you're going over to Australia. Where are you gonna be in Australia in June, July?

• 1:03:47Speaker 03

  Brisbane, Melbourne, Sydney, Perth, Auckland, we're adding Wellington. Auckland's like almost sold out, which is exciting.

• 1:03:53Speaker 01

  My favorite beef.

• 1:03:53H. Foley?

  There you go.

• 1:03:54Speaker 03

  Me too, man, yeah.

• 1:03:54H. Foley?

  Do yourself a favor, if you're over there in the UK, if you're in Australia, go see Mr. Sam Tallent.

• 1:03:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:03:59H. Foley?

  The book, Running the Light, is out right now on Random House.

• 1:04:01Speaker 03

  Random House put it out. It's available wherever, buy it from your local bookstore, that helps them, it helps me.

• 1:04:05H. Foley?

  Chubby Bohemith?

• 1:04:06Speaker 03

  Chubby Bohemith, yep, that's our podcast, Wide World on YouTube, the travel show, Iowa City and Omaha next weekend.

• 1:04:13H. Foley?

  Lot of fun, exciting stuff coming up, too.

• 1:04:14Speaker 03

  I just like making stuff with my buddies, you guys get it.

• 1:04:16Speaker 01

  It's great, it's the best.

• 1:04:17Speaker 03

  We're the luckiest guys alive.

• 1:04:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, we're blessed, baby.

• 1:04:19H. Foley?

  Buddy, we love ya.

• 1:04:20Speaker 03

  I love you guys very much.

• 1:04:21H. Foley?

  And we hope to see you soon.

• 1:04:22Speaker 03

  Luke, I'm still on the fence.

• 1:04:23H. Foley?

  Kippy, what do you got for him?

• 1:04:24Speaker 01

  Uh, guys, we're over the road, new dates announcing, uh, very soon.

• 1:04:29H. Foley?

  Big ones.

• 1:04:30Speaker 01

  Uh, yes, and then, uh, guys, grab the card game at rugarbage.com, we love yous.

• 1:04:34H. Foley?

  See you next week.

• 1:04:35Speaker 03

  Peace.