Mind Hacks with Dr Billy Garvey: "being a bit kinder to myself"

Welcome back to All in the Mind's little sister: Mind Hacks. In this episode, we're joined by developmental paediatrician and co-host of Pop Culture Parenting, Dr Billy Garvey. From self compassion to channelling anger into advocacy, Billy shares his own strategies for managing bad days. On Mind Hacks, we're bringing you bonus content with special guests, featuring rapid fire questions about their mental health tips and pet peeves. It's like a psychology version of eff, marry kill! If you have feedback or want to suggest a guest, you can reach us on [email protected] mailto:[email protected] Guest: Dr Billy GarveyDevelopmental paediatricianAuthor, Ten things I wish you knew about your child's mental health https://www.penguin.com.au/books/ten-things-i-wish-you-knew-about-your-childs-mental-health-9781761345838Podcast co-host, Pop Culture Parenting https://www.guidinggrowingminds.com/popcultureparentingFounder, Guiding Growing Minds https://www.guidinggrowingminds.com/ Credits: Presenter/Producer: Sana QadarSenior Producer: James BullenProducer: Rose KerrSound Engineer: Hamish CamilleriRelevant All in the Mind episodes: Tantrums, sleep training and anxiety: Dr Billy Garvey answers your parenting questions https://www.abc.net.au/listen/programs/allinthemind/billy-garvey-parenting-tantrums-sleep-anxiety/106462412'Bad behaviour' or just misunderstood? What to know about kids' mental health https://www.abc.net.au/listen/programs/allinthemind/bad-behaviour-misunderstood-kids-mental-health/104886338You can catch up on more episodes of the All in the Mind podcast with journalist and presenter Sana Qadar, exploring the psychology of topics like stress, memory, communication and relationships on ABC Listen or wherever you get your podcasts.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  ABC Listen, podcasts, radio, news, music and more.

• 0:09Speaker 01

  This is Mind Hacks, All in the Mind's mini midweek episode where we catch up with the experts we've spoken to in our main show and we ask them a few simple questions about the mental health tools that they use in their own lives. What do they love? What do they hate? What do they avoid? Today, we've got developmental paediatrician and host of the podcast Pop Culture Parenting, Dr Billy Garvey, back on the show. Hi Billy.

• 0:35Speaker 02

  Hi Sana, it's nice to be chatting with you again.

• 0:37Speaker 01

  Thanks for coming back again so soon after our last chat. Okay, got four questions for you. First one, love. What is one mental health tool, strategy, or practice, or piece of advice that has made a real difference to you?

• 0:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think one thing, like I obviously work in this space and I think I'm better at working in it than I am at doing it myself.

• 1:01Speaker 02

  I set myself up to fail a bit by how much I expect of myself. And I think one thing I try and practise is that idea of just being kind to myself and then thinking about what are the things that I'm doing that actually help me, you know, such as exercise and healthy eating and sleeping and the healthy adult relationships I have in my life. I think that it's the same stuff I talk to with all the parents that I meet, but just being a bit kinder to myself and thinking that's the solution instead of beating myself up.

• 1:26Speaker 01

  It's so funny you say that as well, working in the space and then how you actually live in your own life, because I mean, I'm not an expert, obviously, at all. I just cover psychology and all of this. But I often think about, you know, I should be the most psychologically stable person with the best tools in place. And if people knew how I was in my own life, they'd be like, why are you doing a podcast about psychology? But yeah, that's a thing.

• 1:51Speaker 02

  Well, I think that's a really important thing that the work that you're doing and that I'm doing as well is being open and honest about it. I remember I was talking specifically about sleep and I mentioned how poor my sleep is and they were like, well, why should we listen to you then? And I'm like, Well, there's a difference. I'm still a human. I still have like mental health struggles that manifest as, you know, problems with sleep. It doesn't mean that I've figured out all the solutions because I know them professionally. Yeah. And I think when people hear that people like you and I who spend a lot of time thinking about this stuff still have struggles, it gives them permission to also, you know, forgive themselves a little bit when they don't do things perfectly too.

• 2:26Speaker 01

  All right. Uh, hate. What is the biggest stressor in your life currently and how are you managing it?

• 2:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think the signs that I see in the community that things aren't going great. I think I really struggle with like the individualism, the entitlement, the people not caring about others around them. And it makes me really worried about the world that my kids are coming up into. Um, and so I do all the work that I do to try and offset that a little bit by guiding people towards healthier pro-social behaviours, looking after themselves, caring for others, all of that stuff. But that's, that's the thing, if I'm being a hundred percent honest, that gets me down almost every day.

• 3:02Speaker 01

  Are you alluding to the news cycle at all there or stuff you see more immediately in your world?

• 3:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, I actually mean stuff I see more immediately, like people being aggressive in traffic, like not picking up after their dog, littering, you know, being abusive to others. Yeah. And just not caring for each other and looking out for others. I think that's what I mean. But yeah, definitely the news cycle really worries me. I think that, think about the kids that are coming up in the world today and what they're seeing in terms of leadership. They're seeing people that just have really unhealthy assertiveness and just take what they want and they just speak loudly and aggressively. And we give these people a voice. And so kids don't have the ability to say, actually, we don't believe and support this person and they completely jar against what our ideals are. They just see them having a platform. And that's, that's one thing that I really worry about.

• 3:51Speaker 01

  And in terms of the stuff you see in your own life, what you were just talking about, the aggressive behaviour and littering or whatever else, what do you do in those moments when you see that and it stresses you out? What do you do?

• 4:02Speaker 02

  If I'm being a hundred percent honest, I just get angry about it and then I get sad. You know, and then I sit with those emotions and really worry about stuff. And it's funny because I speak to a lot of my friends and they'll be like, I just ignore it. Or I've got too many other things to worry about and things like that. But I think what works for me personally is then putting energy into the advocacy work that I do. I think I found that that is quite a selfish thing for me. I think sometimes people will stop me and be like, it's so kind of you to do all these things and give, share your knowledge of the world. And I'm like, I'm doing it for me because it makes me feel better about the person I am and makes me feel more hopeful about the world that my kids are coming up into as well.

• 4:38Speaker 01

  It's great to put frustration into positive action, so that's great. Okay, avoid. What is one mental health practice trend or gimmick that you think people would be better off treating with caution and why?

• 4:52Speaker 02

  I think these simple fixes that, you know, often social media influencers are putting out there into the world. That's why Guiding Growing Minds and Pop Culture Parenting and everything purposely goes into social media spaces. A lot of my academic and clinical colleagues are like, they don't do that because they're like, well, no, just publish research and sit in clinic. But with the three plus year wait, and I've written lots of research papers that probably less than five people have read. I think that we need to go into these spaces and, and try and figure out a way to communicate effectively what the actual evidence is around child development, mental health, um, and share it more broadly. So I would just be cautious and I'd always try and remind people to think, is it actually helping?

• 5:33Speaker 02

  Because a lot of families will engage with some resource and they'll use it for months and months or years. And things aren't getting better and they think it's them. And I'm like, no, it's just actually a garbage resource that doesn't deserve anyone listening to it. But everyone's so desperate to feel better and to do better with their kids that they're consuming so much content that most of it is just made up by people.

• 5:55Speaker 01

  Anything you'd like to name or call out?

• 5:59Speaker 02

  Not so much of that getting in trouble, but I would, I would ask people that like just to think about what are the actual qualifications of this person that is telling me that they have all the answers.

• 6:09Speaker 01

  Yeah. All right. Final question. What is the biggest thing people get wrong about your job as a developmental paediatrician? Are there any misconceptions you'd like to clear up?

• 6:19Speaker 02

  Um, yeah, I mean, I see kids from the moment, you know, a few weeks of life in our unsettled babies clinic, right up until like 19, 20, 21 year olds. So some people think it's just younger kids. I'm not like a medical doctor, like I'm not someone who looks after coughs and colds and things like that. I'm pretty hopeless with that stuff. I'm a developmental paediatrician, so we do really thorough holistic assessments. I think some people think like they'll come and see us and we'll just decide if a child's autistic or not, or we'll just medicate kids. And we have rules that we train our fellows that you don't do that in single appointments, which can be hard for people to hear because they're like, I've waited three years. I just want you to know if my kid is autistic or

• 7:02Speaker 02

  not. But we do developmental assessments that try and understand how we can help this individual child in front of us to succeed in what matters to them, what they care about, the environments and relationships that they're in. And so, yeah, it's a beautiful job, but not many people understand it. I'm, I'm different to a general paediatrician. There's not many of us. I wish there was more, but I also think you don't, most people don't need to come and see someone like me.

• 7:26Speaker 01

  That's really useful to know. Dr. Billy Garvey, thank you so much for coming back on Mind Hacks.

• 7:31Speaker 02

  Thanks, Sana. It's always, always great to chat to you.

• 7:35Speaker 01

  That is Mind Hacks for this week. I am Sana Qadar and I will be back with another full episode of All in the Mind later this week. Catch you then.