Tom Cruise Pulled His Own Tooth Out w/ Rob Lowe | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Presale tickets for Toms new tour Preposterous go live September 30th at 10am. Make sure to get yours over at https://tomsegura.com/tour and use code: TOMMY SPONSORS: Head to https://superpower.com/bears for $50 off your membership. Get 150+ biomarkers tested every year plus a personalized health plan and on-demand care team. Detect early signs of 1,000+ conditions. #superpowerpod Start learning a new language TODAY with Babbel. Right now listeners can save up to 60% off at https://Babbel.com/BEARS. Get out there and enjoy the outdoors with Mountain Dew. An American Original. Tasting Great Since ’48. Look for Mountain Dew in stores near you. If your revenues are at least in the seven figures, get our free business guide, Aligning for the Agentic Era: How AI Is Changing Everyday Work, at https://netsuite.com/BEARS . Get started with ShipStation today and get sixty days free at https://ShipStation.com, with code cave. This week, Tom is off somewhere, so Bert Kreischer is joined by the legendary Rob Lowe, back in the Cave to talk about his new movie The Musical, the Sundance comedy with a twist so audacious the big distributors were too scared to buy it, now playing in theaters. Rob breaks down the 18-day shoot, the moment that makes audiences gasp, and why a small theatrical run still beats a mystery streaming "hit." From there, the two get into learning stick on La Cienega, LeeAnn's endless story recaps, Tom Cruise pulling his own tooth for The Outsiders, and Paul Newman's legendary hangs. Bert opens up about his Free Bert season two meltdown and the night he forgot how to yawn, Rob shares what 36 years of sobriety taught him, and they pitch the ultimate Netflix show: 24 Hours with Rob & Bert, starring Mark Wahlberg as Dirk Diggler. Plus: Usher's house tour, Bryson DeChambeau's eagle, and the national anthem bit. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 341 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:39 - Skinny Bert & Driving Stick On La Cienega 00:10:43 - Bert Doesn't Listen & The Cousin Who Can't Eat Anything With A Hoof 00:23:54 - Tom Cruise Pulled His Own Tooth & Butch Cassidy Cool 00:32:05 - The Musical & The Twist Nobody Would Buy 00:48:40 - The Night Bert Couldn't Yawn 00:54:54 - Measured Drinking & Rob's 36 Years Sobriety 01:00:37 - Paul Newman 01:05:43 - Rob's Headshot Composites & Growing Up Before Phones 01:11:15 - Timothée Chalamet, Press Tours, & Tom Cruise's Perfect Day 01:20:22 - Mark Wahlberg's 4AM Club & Bryson DeChambeau's Eagle 01:32:11 - Stunt Flying With Tom Cruise & & The National Anthem Bit 01:41:58 - Humble Sons & Usher's Netflix House Tour Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Hey everyone, I'm excited to announce the first leg of my new 2027 US Stand Up Tour Preposterous. I'll be going back to some of my favorite cities, so don't worry if you don't see yours. This is just the first leg. Get tickets starting this Wednesday, September 30th, at 10 a.m. local time with the code word Tommy at tomsegura.com/tour. Many more dates to come, including international dates. I hope to see you there.

• 0:31Speaker 01

  I'm just, I'm just feasting my eyes on skinny man.

• 0:39Speaker 02

  Can I tell you, like, I, I never, I thought I looked good when I was fat. I was like,

• 0:51Speaker 02

  I was like, it's a big, hard fat. Everyone's like, ah, I love a big guy. And I was never had any self-consciousness. And when I started losing weight, I started getting self-conscious of my body for the first time.

• 1:02Speaker 01

  That's hilarious.

• 1:03Speaker 02

  I know.

• 1:04Speaker 01

  Like, I look too good. I'm not sure if I should look this good.

• 1:08Speaker 02

  No, you know what it is? You know how it started? One day I was, I was looking at my stomach and I was like, wow, I've lost some weight. And then I looked up and I was like, I'm losing my hair. And then I was like, I'd never noticed it because I'd only focused

• 1:21Speaker 01

  You focused on the belly.

• 1:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, you were like, when you're fat, you look at whatever works. And you're like, hair loss doesn't look that bad compared to the rest of it.

• 1:29Speaker 01

  That's a good point.

• 1:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:30Speaker 01

  I like, well, take off the hat. Let me, let me judge the hair loss.

• 1:33Speaker 02

  Not happening.

• 1:33Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:34Speaker 02

  I just woke up in the bu- I literally, we pulled in from tour. You know what I said? I was like, I should have done it, this at your house. We were right, we were in Paso Robles last night.

• 1:43Speaker 01

  No way.

• 1:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:44Speaker 01

  You were?

• 1:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, we were in Paso Robles last night.

• 1:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's a good drive, then.

• 1:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's a-

• 1:48Speaker 01

  Do you sleep well on the bus? Right? Are you in the, like, the coffin ones? Or are you in a big bed in the back?

• 1:55Speaker 02

  I'm in a bed. This bus is the best bus I've ever had. And, and I loved my, my bus burned down. But this bus is a double slide out. And it's set up like my old bus, but my area slides out. It's the best. It's a queen size bed.

• 2:12Speaker 01

  But wait, how do you do that when you, it slides out? Obviously, you can't do that when you're moving. So can you sleep on the road when you're actually moving?

• 2:19Speaker 02

  Oh, I'd sleep like a dream. And this bus is a little bigger than the average bus. So there's, it's a little smoother. And we have this driver, I hope my current driver doesn't hear this. We have this driver who's like, just so you know, I don't go over 60. And we were like, it takes forever to get places, but you're asleep, so it doesn't matter.

• 2:39Speaker 01

  Right.

• 2:40Speaker 02

  And you, you never feel the bus moving. It is-

• 2:45Speaker 01

  Wow. That driver wouldn't last long with me. I, I have one, my driver with him, I have one rule. I'm like, I like to, like, get places.

• 2:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:54Speaker 01

  So I'm like, if I see anybody hauling a ladder past us, you're fired.

• 3:03Speaker 01

  It just keeps it really simple. Like, you know exactly what I mean when I say that. Like, you know exactly how fast to go. If I see a ladder passing me, fuck it.

• 3:13Speaker 02

  How were you with teaching your kids how to drive?

• 3:15Speaker 01

  Not good. I mean, not, I mean, I did it, but my one son, Matthew, is, I, I'm like, dude, you gotta calm down. My other son, Johnny, drives like an old lady. So I have both sides-

• 3:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:28Speaker 01

  -of the, of the thing. But you know, you don't, that, that amazing hand-me-down parent-to-child thing of teaching how to drive in the parking lot is kind of gone because there's no, there are no manual cars anymore.

• 3:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:43Speaker 01

  I mean, you had to learn how to drive a, dude, I knew, I learned how to drive a stick.

• 3:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:47Speaker 01

  Remember that?

• 3:48Speaker 02

  I was so proud. I knew how to drive a stick.

• 3:51Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 3:52Speaker 02

  It was like, it was like a badge of honor. It was like the closest I've ever been to be a man.

• 3:56Speaker 01

  How well do you know, like, the streets of LA?

• 3:58Speaker 02

  Pretty well.

• 3:59Speaker 01

  Okay. La Cienega and Sunset Boulevard?

• 4:01Speaker 02

  A hundred percent.

• 4:03Speaker 01

  It's like-

• 4:03Speaker 02

  Yeah. Steep as shit.

• 4:05Speaker 01

  It's steep as shit, so-

• 4:06Speaker 02

  There used to be a boot barn over there. There's a, a pink, pink dot. I know these streets.

• 4:10Speaker 01

  Okay, so that street-

• 4:12Speaker 02

  Hold on. That street, if you're going, if you're going-

• 4:15Speaker 01

  On a clutch.

• 4:16Speaker 02

  North.

• 4:16Speaker 01

  Yes. If you're going up the hill, you're the third car from the light, you're, you're, you're in a stick.

• 4:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:24Speaker 01

  There's cars behind you. That was fucking gnarly. And I remember that being like the rite of passage.

• 4:30Speaker 02

  Hold on, can you, okay, so for everyone who's really having a hard time, because this is actually almost a beautiful thing. Can you explain with your eyes closed, what you're doing with your feet-

• 4:40Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 4:40Speaker 02

  -on a hill-

• 4:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, okay.

• 4:41Speaker 02

  -with a stick?

• 4:42Speaker 01

  Okay, so first of all, you're, you're smashing that brake in, like, there's no tomorrow.

• 4:49Speaker 02

  With your right foot, right?

• 4:50Speaker 01

  Yes, with your right foot. Now, you've got your left foot on the clutch-

• 4:53Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 4:54Speaker 01

  -and it's not engaged.

• 4:56Speaker 02

  No.

• 4:56Speaker 01

  And you got your hand, you're ready to, it's in gear, right? So now, you've got to do-

• 5:03Speaker 02

  Matthew, this is a 45-degree hill.

• 5:05Speaker 01

  Your car's on a 45-degree angle, and there is another car behind you-

• 5:08Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 5:08Speaker 01

  -six inches from you. Now, you have to, quick as you can, get from the brake to the accelerator, and, and it has to be seamless, and now-

• 5:23Speaker 02

  And you have to feather the clutch.

• 5:24Speaker 01

  Feather the clutch, so you're not sliding backwards. And you can't stall it, because if you stall it, you slide backwards. And you just have to, you have to mix those two just perfectly to engage it and go forward.

• 5:39Speaker 02

  Do you know they don't, I'm not a huge car guy. Leanne is very much so. She wanted a Porsche, but she only wanted a Porsche in stick.

• 5:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:50Speaker 02

  And they were explaining to her, we don't do that anymore, really, because it, our automatics switch faster than a pro driver would do it normally. So you're not going to gain anything from getting a stick. So we just do automatic. And Leanne's like, I don't care.

• 6:06Speaker 01

  Listen, how about, I'm sorry to interrupt, but it made me think of this. How about the new Elon Musk Roadster that supposedly flies?

• 6:13Speaker 02

  You know, I have feelings about these electric cars, because it's almost like, it's almost like AI. It's almost like a game changer. It's almost like my daughters being smarter than me, because they have access to the internet. And I go, this isn't fair. You shouldn't know these informations. Like, but like, I remember hearing Joe talk about those, the, they were like, go like, zero to 60 in one second.

• 6:34Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 6:34Speaker 02

  And, and it, it almost is like, is that what Indy cars are doing?

• 6:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm sure.

• 6:41Speaker 02

  F1 cars, are those F1 cars all electric?

• 6:44Speaker 01

  Yes, they are. I should, are they, we're looking it up. But I'm obsessed with the flying part. The actual flying.

• 6:54Speaker 02

  I'm so sorry. I don't think I know what you're talking about.

• 6:56Speaker 01

  Oh, no, no, no. The new, I'm, I'm using flying as a euphemism. They actually, the new Elon Musk car, the Roadster, that's coming out, hovers. At a minimum, it hovers. They're talking about it flying. It doesn't really fly. But it has, I have a friend who saw it.

• 7:16Speaker 01

  And it, it hovers.

• 7:18Speaker 02

  I could be really-

• 7:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's coming up here. And so it's starting to leak, and Elon's been very cagey about it. Maybe it actually moves, but I know it hovers, from what I'm told. How sick is that?

• 7:34Speaker 02

  That is-

• 7:36Speaker 01

  I mean, you kind of have to have, if you're a gearhead at all-

• 7:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:39Speaker 01

  -that ends any conversation about anything else. Like, there's no other, like, if you don't have a car that hovers, why bother getting any other cool car?

• 7:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's so, yeah, that is, you know, it's like for, I, I don't really have a-

• 7:52Speaker 01

  And it also looks dope.

• 7:54Speaker 02

  It's a good-looking car.

• 7:55Speaker 01

  Fuck, yeah. My, my only thing is, and I don't think they solved it, if the car's going to fly, then you don't want it to be heavy. But I don't love the, he could, the interiors on those Teslas are a little utilitarian.

• 8:08Speaker 02

  I remember the first time I got in a Tesla, I was high as shit on edibles-

• 8:12Speaker 01

  Amazing.

• 8:13Speaker 02

  -in, in, in Amsterdam.

• 8:16Speaker 01

  Well, as one is.

• 8:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:18Speaker 01

  Why go?

• 8:18Speaker 02

  And it just picked us up, and I went, this is the thing I've heard about. I'm so, always so late to the game. We went and did a tour of SpaceX back, I mean, this had to be like 12 years ago, maybe. And I had no idea what SpaceX was. They invited me to come do it. And I was like, I was like, no, I'm going to pass. And Leanne's like, what are you doing? And I mean, my managers and agents came. Everyone wanted to see it.

• 8:40Speaker 01

  Of course.

• 8:41Speaker 02

  And I had no idea. And they were like, and I, I want to say Elon Musk was there, but I wouldn't have known, because I don't know who the fuck he is, especially at the time. Like, I, I don't know who anyone is. I'm always the guy that goes, oh shit, you're that person? Fuck. And then my energy shifts, and I'm like, and I'm impressed. I played it so much cooler when I don't know who they are.

• 9:01Speaker 01

  But that's amazing.

• 9:06Speaker 02

  So wait, do you have to have a pilot's license?

• 9:08Speaker 01

  Well, that's where I go is like, people drive poorly enough as it is.

• 9:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:13Speaker 01

  Like, I'm not excited about flying cars. People can't even drive now.

• 9:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's crazy that you think that, I think Bill Burr said to me one time, he goes, I was, I talked about being afraid of flying and he goes, flying, flying, buddy, we're on the 405 in formation. We got people that don't know what the fuck they're doing from different, all over the place, and we're all fucking going at 70 miles an hour. And when you really take a step back and think about that, it is chaos on the roads. And you, I can't believe they let, even my daughter Isla drive. I mean, did you ever take flying lessons?

• 9:45Speaker 01

  No, I have no desire.

• 9:46Speaker 02

  Tom, well, he, when he had money, he started, and now he had to stop. He had to sell his plane.

• 9:52Speaker 01

  Did he do like a big yard sale for everything? The plane was over here?

• 9:56Speaker 02

  Can I tell you, I, so like, I didn't know, I mean, I'm not supposed to talk about this.

• 9:59Speaker 01

  I would have put up with anything from the wife. I've been like, I don't give a fuck what's going on. I'm not giving half a way.

• 10:05Speaker 02

  The first canary in the mine was when he started selling all his watches.

• 10:08Speaker 01

  You're like, oh, there's trouble at home.

• 10:10Speaker 02

  I was like, wait, because I, and I, like I said, I'm oblivious to everything. And I was like, why would you sell, you have some of the hardest to get watches in the world. Why would you sell them? And he called and he was like, you want to buy this truck of mine? And I was like, what? And then, and he was like, you know, I'm just downsizing. And I was like, that's not the guy I know. You, he's a guy that built, he dug out his garage so he could put nine cars in his garage, and then still had so much spill out of extra cars. And then I go downsizing. I should have known.

• 10:39Speaker 01

  You should have known.

• 10:40Speaker 02

  I should have known. I'd buy, I'm always the last. Let me tell you a story, Rob. This is how bad of a listener I am.

• 10:46Speaker 01

  Oh, so that, wait, wait, you just, so the reason you don't know is because you don't fucking listen.

• 10:52Speaker 02

  I don't listen at all.

• 10:53Speaker 01

  You don't listen?

• 10:54Speaker 02

  I don't listen at all. One of my best friends in the world, Eddie Fernandez, Eddie Fernandez, I've known him since we were 18 years old. We're 26 years old. We're sitting on the beach in Santa Monica. And he's telling a story about his brother. And I go, you have a brother?

• 11:11Speaker 02

  And he says, I have two brothers. I go, you have fucking two brothers? And he goes, and a sister. I go, why didn't you tell me this? He goes, I have. You've never listened. I was like, that guy Mario is your brother?

• 11:23Speaker 01

  That guy, that guy Mario?

• 11:26Speaker 02

  I am.

• 11:26Speaker 01

  He's always in your house?

• 11:27Speaker 02

  We're, I'm dealing with it in therapy right now, because.

• 11:30Speaker 01

  But you don't listen there either.

• 11:33Speaker 02

  Unless we're talking about me.

• 11:34Speaker 01

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• 12:15Speaker 01

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• 12:51Speaker 02

  So now that our girls are out of the house, and I'm doing my world tour, my wife, Leanne Kreischer, has said she will be coming to Europe with me. And guess what? I'm gonna teach that redneck a new language. Leanne speaks no other language than English. And I'm so excited. If you're traveling in the summer, here's a real travel hack. Don't wait to start learning language until you get there. Instead, try Babbel. Even just 10 minutes a day with Babbel can help you start having real conversations in as little as three weeks. Instead of memorizing random vocab words, you're learning phrases you're gonna use while you're ordering dinner, asking for directions, or talking to locals, or just having dinner with your wife at a bar in, in Germany with your wife. Lessons are quick,

• 13:36Speaker 02

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• 14:21Speaker 02

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• 15:02Speaker 02

  Dew. Mark your best fall memories with the crisp, refreshing citrus kick of Mountain Dew. Get out there and enjoy the outdoors with Mountain Dew. An American original, tasting great since 48. Look for Mountain Dew in stores near you. But like, I, I feel like, I said, I said to the therapist, I was like, okay, look, we can try to fix it all, right? We can fix it. But fixing what? Like, like, let's not do any big global changes, because everything seems to be working pretty good right now.

• 15:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:31Speaker 02

  We got a good living. We're happy. Our kids are really well adjusted. Yeah, Leanne does a lot of the heavy lifting with that shit. But like, but like, everything seems to be working. No one's really upset. So like, what are we asking for? So the thing.

• 15:44Speaker 01

  What are we asking for? What are we asking for?

• 15:46Speaker 02

  You ready?

• 15:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:47Speaker 02

  I'm doing it really good. Is, um, I'll do it to you. This is what I'm supposed to do to my wife, okay?

• 15:54Speaker 01

  I'm, I'm, I'm, okay.

• 15:55Speaker 02

  You bet mine.

• 15:55Speaker 01

  I'm Leanne.

• 15:56Speaker 02

  How was your morning?

• 15:58Speaker 01

  Thank you for asking. It was really good. Thank you.

• 16:01Speaker 02

  What did you do?

• 16:03Speaker 01

  You know, I, I did some work and I helped.

• 16:08Speaker 02

  So then you, so like, I start going like, when do I get to talk?

• 16:12Speaker 01

  About?

• 16:12Speaker 02

  Like, what?

• 16:13Speaker 01

  And, and, and really, it's not only that, when do I get to talk? Let's face it, because I'm a brother, brother in arms here. I'm not judging. It's when do I get to talk about me?

• 16:21Speaker 02

  Well, sometimes my life is so much more overwhelmingly interesting, that like, I go, can I, do you want me to tell you the joke I wrote last night? And like, and I wrote five new jokes. Let me tell you about my shows. But like, I have to find a way, and I am finding a way to be interested in things in her life.

• 16:37Speaker 01

  That let, aren't, aren't interesting. I'll say it. You, you don't, you don't have to say it. I'll say it. So it's like.

• 16:43Speaker 02

  Rob, below interesting. As a matter of fact, let's just say, let's just say, this is how life should be. If you stand in front of a crowd and tell your story, people shouldn't get up and walk out. Right?

• 16:55Speaker 01

  Hello?

• 16:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:58Speaker 01

  Yeah. I mean, how hard is it as a professional storyteller to suffer through

• 17:10Speaker 01

  an amateur's storytelling?

• 17:14Speaker 02

  The word that comes to mind is tedious.

• 17:17Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 17:18Speaker 02

  Can I tell you, can I tell you, I'm this, I'm, this how bad I am. I sometimes will tell you, Anne. Can I, can I just?

• 17:23Speaker 01

  Edit it.

• 17:24Speaker 02

  Punch your story up for you?

• 17:25Speaker 01

  Punch it up.

• 17:25Speaker 02

  Can I tell you how to tell it? Because you, you're giving so much facts that no one needs.

• 17:30Speaker 01

  Okay, dude. So here's, here's what happens is my wife, who is wonderful at many, many, many things.

• 17:39Speaker 02

  Very long, successful marriage, which is rare.

• 17:41Speaker 01

  36 years.

• 17:42Speaker 02

  In Hollywood, let alone this podcast.

• 17:44Speaker 01

  36 years.

• 17:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:45Speaker 01

  Beloved, loved. And, but I realize is like, we all, we all have separate skills. Two halves make a whole. I write books and tell stories for a living. She doesn't.

• 17:56Speaker 02

  She's a jewelry designer.

• 17:57Speaker 01

  She's a jewelry designer, and great. When, I'll walk in and say, what are you watching? And then she begins. Now, it should be, it's a murder mystery story, full stop.

• 18:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:09Speaker 01

  Right? That, that's all it takes. That's all I need to know.

• 18:11Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 18:12Speaker 01

  Right? That's all I need to know.

• 18:13Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 18:14Speaker 01

  What I get, I'm not kidding. What I get is, so that girl there met this guy and they were at a bar. Well, no, actually, it wasn't a bar. Okay, it was a, it was a restaurant? Yeah, it was, yeah, it was a restaurant. It was a Chinese restaurant. And they met there, and then, then there was a murder, but he doesn't know anything about the murder, but she does. And 20 minutes later, we get to the answer of what she's watching. All I need is, it's a murder mystery. Don't need to know what restaurant the first scene took place in. Don't need to know the name of the, the third lead. It's, it's amazing.

• 18:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm blown away at how long Leanne can draw out, like, the simplest story. Like, just like.

• 18:59Speaker 01

  How about, how many details that you don't need? How many details that you don't need, do you think you get?

• 19:05Speaker 02

  You know what kills me? Is she doesn't include the details that I find interesting.

• 19:10Speaker 01

  There's that too?

• 19:10Speaker 02

  Yeah. Her dad's got Afib, and the doctor, doctor told him, every now and then, just take a, take a stick of licorice and bite into it and have a shot of white lightning. And I go, that's the craziest shit I've ever heard in my life. And then cut a half an onion and leave it in your room. That should help with your Afib.

• 19:27Speaker 01

  What?

• 19:28Speaker 02

  Exactly. And she, she goes, well, he said that one. I go, it doesn't matter. He said it to him. He was a doctor and he said it to him. He does, he was a doctor and he said it to him. She's got a cousin who can't eat anything with a hoof. And I go, why don't the, well, these are the things I hold on to.

• 19:40Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 19:41Speaker 02

  Where I go, this is the most interesting thing I've ever heard in my life.

• 19:43Speaker 01

  Just a phrase. You can't eat anything with a hoof. You can build a fucking entire 10 minutes on that.

• 19:48Speaker 02

  When he said, you know, I was sitting, there were.

• 19:53Speaker 02

  Her entire family was panning for gold without sunscreen one morning. Everyone's beet red. And, and I said, what are we having for lunch? We're sitting, everyone's panning for gold.

• 20:04Speaker 01

  This is amazing. Were they the fucking Donner Party?

• 20:06Speaker 02

  Buddy, this is my family. And I said, what are we having for lunch? And I said, I'll run and grab some burgers. And her cousin goes, well, I can't eat no with a hoof. And I went, huh? No one blinked an eye. They're like, yeah, you can't eat no with a hoof. And I went, hold on, it's very, so specific. I can't date girls with hoop earrings? Like, wait, what is the? And, and she just glaze past it. And I go, this is one of the most interesting facts. She goes, well, it's common around here. It's common, you can't eat it. He got bit by a tick. Tick got to do these, can't eat none with a hoof.

• 20:40Speaker 01

  Wait, now ticks are involved?

• 20:42Speaker 02

  Yeah. I'm blown away. And I go, I, she does tell a good story, but she gets caught up. People get caught up.

• 20:47Speaker 01

  Yes, they get caught up.

• 20:48Speaker 02

  And there was a UFC fighter one time. And he was telling me about his training regiment for the championships. And he got so caught up in the tedious of, the tedium of his training, of how hard he was training, that he never, I, he lost me by the time he got to the championship fight. And I was like, dude, I really don't care about the incline on the treadmill. Like, tell me what it was like to go into the cage for a UFC championship belt. And then, and then when he did, it was so brilliant. The little bits of what he noticed, he was like, I didn't realize there was going to be celebrities there. And I was like, keep going.

• 21:25Speaker 01

  Super interesting.

• 21:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, and it's so funny, but like, that's why I love being around great, great, great storytellers. Like Colin Quinn, or like, like especially the older you get, like, like, uh, like Bill, not Bill, but Jeff Foxworthy. I was with Jeff Foxworthy. And he told such a great story about swimming, playing with his grandkids. He goes, grandkids, trust you. My grandkid looked at me and said, Papa, can I pee in the pool? And he goes, hey, don't tell anyone I said this, but we all pee in the pool. He goes, thanks, Papa. And again, this kid gets out of the pool, drops his pants and pisses in my pool.

• 22:01Speaker 01

  That's amazing.

• 22:02Speaker 02

  Like, it's just like, it's such a great, it's like Ron White, one of the best storytellers in the world. You have, can I, can I stop this whole thing and say, I, I, I really just, I watched Tommy Boy again the other day. Chris Farley was a brilliant actor.

• 22:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, he was.

• 22:17Speaker 02

  But like, I think that's slept on because he was overweight, because he was high energy.

• 22:22Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 22:23Speaker 02

  But he was a brilliant actor.

• 22:24Speaker 01

  He was a brilliant actor and so spade in that. Spade is a moment.

• 22:28Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 22:28Speaker 01

  And, and it as well, that's brilliant. They're, they're both incredibly, incredibly underrated actors.

• 22:34Speaker 02

  And what, I, I'm really obsessed with this because right now that's going on the internet is, and I find this fascinating. How the celebrities from which boys, young boys draw their charisma.

• 22:50Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 22:51Speaker 02

  It's, it's, I've been obsessed with this for a while. The first hint I ever got of it was when I was in college. And I noticed guys doing an Ace Ventura impression to be funny around girls.

• 23:03Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 23:04Speaker 02

  And I was like, wait, what's that? And then, and then guys would, and, and I knew that I would kind of do a little bit of a Chevy chase around girls, like a cool guy, like a, oh, well, you know?

• 23:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:15Speaker 02

  You know, and, and then I watched it, like, people would do a Borat impression, but, and now they're saying like, boys are doing a Ryan, uh, Ryan Reynolds impression that, of that charisma. And what I find fascinating about Chris Farley is he gave us a language with, within which to be funny. Like, he gave us a currency of, that we still do today. It doesn't hurt so much here or here. Like, little things he did as an actor, we stole and put into our lives for the rest. I find that so fascinating. But as one of the coolest guys I know, and you have, your charisma's fucking through the roof.

• 23:57Speaker 01

  No, no.

• 23:58Speaker 02

  You have a whisper in the way you talk. I watch, I'm being serious. You've had it your whole fucking life. You've had it as long as I've been a fan of yours. You've had it. Like even, you were the softest greaser in The Outsiders.

• 24:11Speaker 01

  So soft, I think too soft.

• 24:12Speaker 02

  But no, but that's what we fucking drew you to you.

• 24:15Speaker 01

  Soft, I'm like, I look back at, what's with the body language? I like, I'm like a Gumby. I'm out there like flopping around and Tom Cruise is like, ah!

• 24:24Speaker 02

  Tom Cruise was off on that. If we're gonna be, if we're gonna critique performances, he was, he was reaching.

• 24:30Speaker 01

  He was, he was working very hard on that.

• 24:31Speaker 02

  He was working really hard.

• 24:33Speaker 01

  Took his tooth out one day. He was like, he was like, I figured my tooth would get knocked out in the rumble. It was like, took his own tooth out. Took his own tooth out.

• 24:42Speaker 02

  Jesus.

• 24:43Speaker 01

  And, and it had a, just the, not only had like a post, it was, ooh, but you know, that's commitment.

• 24:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, I don't have that commitment.

• 24:51Speaker 01

  That's, that was, I, see, I thought I was a soft greaser. I'm glad that it worked for you.

• 24:54Speaker 02

  But where, where did you get your charisma from? Like, where do you think, like, what, who were your heroes when you were a kid?

• 25:00Speaker 01

  For sure, that's, and, okay, now, okay, yes. 100%, mine, 100% is Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. It's all based on that.

• 25:12Speaker 02

  There's a meme going around right now of, uh, of Paul Newman. Is it Paul Newman?

• 25:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:19Speaker 02

  Uh, have you seen this where he's carrying four beers?

• 25:22Speaker 01

  No, but that would make sense because he, he loved his Coors beer, but it's Coors.

• 25:28Speaker 02

  Paul, it's such a great.

• 25:29Speaker 01

  Apparently Paul drank a lot of beer, apparently.

• 25:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, and he was, and they, they, he's there, this is the.

• 25:35Speaker 01

  Oh, look at him.

• 25:36Speaker 02

  Get really stoned.

• 25:38Speaker 01

  Oh, look at him. That's my guy right there.

• 25:43Speaker 02

  He is.

• 25:45Speaker 01

  Is that Groesch? What is he, what is he carrying? It looks like it's, remember the beer Groesch?

• 25:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, oh yeah, of course.

• 25:53Speaker 01

  I think it's.

• 25:54Speaker 02

  See, pictures like this are why I will never be totally sober. Because I see this thing, well, he seems to be in control. You know, that's where I think.

• 26:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 26:03Speaker 02

  He drank every day.

• 26:04Speaker 01

  Apparently he drank every day.

• 26:05Speaker 02

  I mean, and there's, there's another thing going around about his body type. That his body type was the perfect body type. You kind of share it.

• 26:13Speaker 01

  I've seen that.

• 26:13Speaker 02

  It's this athletic, it's this athletic, not overly built, but really flexible, really

• 26:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:20Speaker 02

  healthy fucking body type.

• 26:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, he, he and Redford and their whole patter in that movie. It's like, it's like self-deprecate, it's, it's like, it's interesting to chat. Like, we could, it'd be fun to break down, like, what, about, what, what, what is Chevy? Because I, I love that, his Caddyshack archetype is a great one, right?

• 26:42Speaker 02

  Caddyshack and Fletch were like two.

• 26:44Speaker 01

  For sure. But like Newman and Redford, it's like they're, I think the number one thing is they're self-deprecating. They don't take themselves seriously. There's a great moment in Butch and Sundance where, where they're, they've been shot up. They're surrounded by people and they're trying to figure out who's going to go out and get the ammunition that's out by the mule. And, and, and he, and, and Redford goes, we got to figure out some, one of us needs to go out there. And Newman says, it's no time to be a hero, kid. I'll let you. And to me, that's, that's it. That's the coolest fucking move ever.

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• 29:53Speaker 02

  You know, I'm not certain I've ever seen that movie. I've seen bits and pieces of it, but I'm not certain I've seen it.

• 29:57Speaker 01

  Oh. I was just watching Aaron Sorkin, great writer.

• 30:02Speaker 02

  He.

• 30:02Speaker 01

  He's got a movie coming out and then they asked him, they said, what's the perfect screenplay? Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.

• 30:11Speaker 02

  The Musical.

• 30:13Speaker 01

  Musical? Dude.

• 30:15Speaker 02

  If you, I'm gonna let me tell you something. I, I, I, I'm really obsessed with, um, authentic writers. And, and, and real acting and like, and only because, and I don't mean this shitty, but like,

• 30:31Speaker 02

  a lot of the things coming my way these days feel like they've been at least run through AI. Just for structure. You know?

• 30:39Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 30:40Speaker 02

  And, and, and I'm, I understand that that is a young thing to do and, and a lot of young people are gonna write screenplays, but what I do love about The Musical is it's, it's, it definitely is written for guys that have let Spike drive their lives. It is, and you're looking at one of them. I, I, there is, there, there was a period of time where I wanted at least two to three girls to see what I was doing in my life. I, I, without a doubt.

• 31:07Speaker 01

  Right.

• 31:08Speaker 02

  And if I, I won when one of them called and was like, you're really killing it. My parents are proud of you.

• 31:14Speaker 01

  Oh, yes.

• 31:16Speaker 02

  Her parents called me, I'm gonna probably have to edit this out. Her parents called me one time. And I was, I was, I was broke. I, I mean, I, it was, I looked like I was doing well on paper, but like, I'm sitting with, in an apartment that Leanne's paying for by doing, by working for the company. We were getting just free rent, that's it, no money. I'm making $700 a week on the road. I got two kids, we're, we're drinking two buck chuck. And her dad called and he was like, Bert, buddy, I am, I am appalled at how wrong I was about you.

• 31:50Speaker 01

  Amazing.

• 31:53Speaker 02

  I was like, huh? I was like, is he drunk? I'm gonna put Jan on the phone, hold on one second. She's like, we had you all wrong. You were, you're such a success. And I, by the way, I was not, I absolutely was, and now they must think they're fucking, they called it, but like, I, that, but this movie is, it is an, you can tell an artist wrote it. You can tell an artist, what's really brilliant is the entire, now, I'm not giving anything away, but the entire, the entire drive of the movie is an intellectual who's not writing from a, a, a, a, a place of his own experience and then learns to write from his place of his own experience.

• 32:36Speaker 02

  I will say that within the last 12 minutes, I am crying laughing.

• 32:40Speaker 01

  Crying, right?

• 32:41Speaker 02

  Crying laughing, crying laughing. Great music selection, great, the, the, the kids are fucking brilliant. The kids, the kids kinda carry the show.

• 32:50Speaker 01

  Oh, they steal movies.

• 32:52Speaker 02

  Gillian, um, Gillian Jacobs is her name?

• 32:54Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 32:54Speaker 02

  Gillian Jacobs.

• 32:55Speaker 01

  Gillian Jacobs.

• 32:55Speaker 02

  Gillian Jacobs. She's awesome.

• 32:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:58Speaker 02

  Um, she's awesome. Uh, you're awesome.

• 33:00Speaker 01

  In the show Community.

• 33:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:02Speaker 01

  That's her big thing, yeah.

• 33:02Speaker 02

  You're awesome.

• 33:03Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 33:04Speaker 02

  Uh, the, the lead is, uh, Rob.

• 33:06Speaker 01

  Bill.

• 33:06Speaker 02

  Will, Will Burr.

• 33:07Speaker 01

  Will Brill.

• 33:07Speaker 02

  Will Brill. He's awesome, but those kids, man.

• 33:11Speaker 01

  How, I have a question for you. Going into it, did you know what the big reveal is?

• 33:16Speaker 02

  No, I had no idea.

• 33:17Speaker 01

  So you had no idea going in?

• 33:19Speaker 02

  I had no idea, it was, it's a really, it's a, it's, there's zero AI.

• 33:23Speaker 01

  So, so for those of you who are, so this is my movie, The Musical, that's out right now in theaters. It is the most audacious, breathtaking, I cannot believe they did that movie. That's come my way ever, and there is a moment in the movie where I've seen it now with audiences, where they, I can only honestly compare it to

• 33:49Speaker 02

  Uh, let me guess, don't say it. Little Miss Sunshine?

• 33:51Speaker 01

  It's, what's Little Miss Sunshine, election?

• 33:54Speaker 02

  Election, yeah. Yeah.

• 33:56Speaker 01

  And

• 33:56Speaker 02

  It's very, it's, it's dark.

• 33:59Speaker 01

  It's super dark.

• 34:00Speaker 02

  It's super dark.

• 34:00Speaker 01

  It's super funny.

• 34:02Speaker 02

  Super dark, and I love the elements of levity of like, just the little things, like you doing lunges and like, like, it, but it's like, it's such a thing. It's written from a perspective.

• 34:13Speaker 01

  It's great writing.

• 34:14Speaker 02

  It's really great writing, and I, I will say the directing was pretty phenomenal because the actor, uh, Will

• 34:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:21Speaker 02

  Took chances at things that

• 34:25Speaker 02

  I wouldn't have, I wouldn't have done, and I was confused at, but they played very perfectly for that movie.

• 34:31Speaker 01

  He

• 34:32Speaker 02

  Like his, his, his tone.

• 34:34Speaker 01

  He's in it for real.

• 34:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:35Speaker 01

  There's not a moment, like the way he speaks to those kids.

• 34:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:40Speaker 01

  There's, there's a scene where he makes these fourth graders watch The Manchurian Candidate. Which makes me laugh so, it's just like I said, it's, it is unapologetically insane. And in our day where we're, we're all movies seem the same, it's, it's, it's really, really, really special.

• 35:06Speaker 02

  Can I ask you a question that you don't have to answer and we don't have to put in the, in here, but I want, I want to know, I want to know personally the answer, and you may not know it. At the very last scene, the very last cut where the camera pulls back to reveal the lead actress who he's

• 35:22Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 35:22Speaker 02

  Got something going, is it, history's repeating itself? Okay, here we go again?

• 35:26Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 35:27Speaker 02

  Okay, I like it.

• 35:29Speaker 01

  Where he's, he's gone to New York?

• 35:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:31Speaker 01

  And it's the same thing.

• 35:32Speaker 02

  I, I'm telling you, there's not enough, um,

• 35:37Speaker 02

  I don't know what the budget was.

• 35:38Speaker 01

  Nothing.

• 35:39Speaker 02

  I, I was assuming based on

• 35:41Speaker 01

  Nothing.

• 35:41Speaker 02

  Pretty much one location.

• 35:42Speaker 01

  It's one location, we made it in 18 days. It's a first time director, first time screenwriter.

• 35:49Speaker 01

  And it, it, it's just one of those things where, you know, nobody made any money, but we all believed in the movie and, and it plays, it's just fun to go to a theater and watch it, cause it plays like flipping gangbusters.

• 36:04Speaker 02

  I think that's the thing that's missing a little bit, is like, listen,

• 36:09Speaker 02

  if you're asking me, if, you know, I have a couple of movies and immediately I go, just because of the, the peril of public display of like, do you want it? Like, if it just goes to streamers, everyone thinks it's a hit, it was a hit.

• 36:23Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 36:24Speaker 02

  It trends number one.

• 36:26Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 36:26Speaker 02

  Everyone's like, oh, wow, you crushed it. And then, but there's no payoff, you don't get any box office, you know, no one makes their money back. I mean, I guess they do, I don't know how, I really don't know how

• 36:34Speaker 01

  There's no, it's the thing, you go to a streamer and you have a movie on it and they can say, I mean, sometimes you know, it's number one on Netflix for 10 weeks and everybody talks about it, that's clearly a hit, but there's other times you don't know, you say it was hit, was it? I don't know, nobody watch it, who knows?

• 36:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:49Speaker 01

  And now, you know, they'll be, we're, we're, this is, we're in 300 theaters, it's tiny, tiny, tiny gem. So we're never gonna compete with, with the big movies that are out there, but, but it's, it, you're right, you could go out there and you could sit in a theater and A, no one's there, and B, no one laughs, and luckily, that's not the experience this, this thing's having, it's, it's, it is, how about, I don't think we're ruining anything to say when, when the little kid goes, what will happen to me? Rudy Giuliani. Literally, the fuck, the fucking place explodes. It's so wrong.

• 37:31Speaker 02

  The, I mean, I look, we're, and we're not giving anything away. When the Twin Towers show up,

• 37:39Speaker 02

  I am

• 37:41Speaker 01

  When it dawned on you

• 37:42Speaker 02

  No! It's Tower One!

• 37:45Speaker 01

  You, when, it must have, when did it finally dawn on you? When the paper airplane hits the

• 37:50Speaker 02

  So, so I, oh, that's how we got the idea.

• 37:54Speaker 01

  Yes, yeah, I didn't get it then, but most people, the penny drops when the paper airplane hits the fake towers when they're rehearsing West Side Story. Which by the way, the towers weren't there when they made West Side Story. People are listening to this going, what are they talking about?

• 38:12Speaker 02

  It is, it is a, I'm really in love with, um, big swings.

• 38:18Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 38:18Speaker 02

  Um, I don't want safe, I like a good big swing.

• 38:22Speaker 01

  Yes, me too.

• 38:22Speaker 02

  And I love a chance, and I love, I love all that, and it's really, it's really tough to do when you make a movie because in all honesty, the safe play is what everyone, makes everyone feel better, cause no one gets in trouble. But when you take a big swing

• 38:40Speaker 01

  Right. Well, well, how about this? So the movie, this movie plays at Sundance, gets into Sundance, accepted at Sundance, very hard to do, plays at Sundance, huge, literally, nobody bought it, except this tiny little company that's releasing it. Huge, it played huge.

• 38:56Speaker 02

  Was it Bay Shore?

• 38:56Speaker 01

  Because they were afraid of

• 38:59Speaker 02

  Twin Towers?

• 39:00Speaker 01

  The, the big swing that's in the movie. They were afraid of that moment that we're talking about.

• 39:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:04Speaker 01

  That we're dancing around, that takes your breath away, that is, there's so

• 39:09Speaker 02

  It's so, it's so fucking

• 39:11Speaker 01

  And so like, Team America, Borat, like any of those movies where you go, I can't believe they're doing this.

• 39:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:17Speaker 01

  That moment prevented all of the big distributors from buying the movie, and they loved it.

• 39:25Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 39:26Speaker 01

  So the notion that a movie is good is not enough now because people are so afraid of getting dragged.

• 39:32Speaker 02

  That's what audiences are eating up. They don't like safe comedy.

• 39:35Speaker 01

  No, the audiences want it, again, The Musical kills in a theater. Audience are, they're, they're literally starving for the PC gatekeepers to get the fuck away from them and let them experience, you know, breathtaking comedy.

• 39:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, it, it, it was, you know, it's fun, I got, I, we did the show last night and then everyone was gonna stay up and they wanted to watch some movie and I was like, well, I'm, I'm gonna go back and watch Rob's new movie, so I got my bunk and I started it, and I literally was like, you know, I'll watch half tonight, half tomorrow.

• 40:09Speaker 01

  Right.

• 40:10Speaker 02

  I watched the whole thing, I watched the whole thing in bed, I didn't go to sleep until like two in the morning.

• 40:14Speaker 01

  Amazing.

• 40:14Speaker 02

  I'm just sitting there, and my phone, on my, just on my phone, driving down the fucking five or wherever we've, and I'm just, and I was like, wow, this is, you know, it,

• 40:24Speaker 02

  if I could give it any compliment, it was inspirational, cause I thought, dude,

• 40:29Speaker 02

  this is a guy who's clearly writing from a very personal place. And, and then I did the research and it is a personal place. This guy, uh, I don't think he ever even wanted to be a screenwriter, and he, but he went to NYU because he got cheated on by, by his chick, and I was like, oh, yeah. I was like, oh, this is written out of spite. This is, this is, he's not processed it yet. Oh, I identify with this guy.

• 40:51Speaker 01

  Oh, you know who it also reminds me of? He's very Travis Bickle in Taxi Driver.

• 40:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:58Speaker 01

  Like, it's very, and like, it, it's, it, I, I've never seen a movie like it, it's really, I knew I had my character down when I, when I picked the big, huge, ugly, white hokas.

• 41:13Speaker 01

  I was like, oh yeah, I know that guy.

• 41:14Speaker 02

  Such a choice by the director to just show you with.

• 41:17Speaker 01

  The Hoka.

• 41:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, to go Hoka first.

• 41:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was like, oh, I know that guy.

• 41:22Speaker 02

  It, it, uh, yeah, it was, it's a great movie, man. Congratulations.

• 41:27Speaker 01

  Thank you, man. Thank you. And your show, let's talk about your show.

• 41:30Speaker 02

  Well, I mean, can I tell you?

• 41:31Speaker 01

  Let's talk about your show. Let's talk about how much fun we had.

• 41:34Speaker 02

  I wish I could tell you exactly who gave me the compliment. It was someone very, it was like someone in the business. They were like, I think it just happened on a podcast the other day. They go, can I tell you how great your show was? And I was like, would you please? And they're like, you know, starting it off with Rob Lowe is such a great. He goes, you really like expose exactly what people may think about you. And it's such a great. And he goes, and Rob Lowe is fucking perfect because there is a part of you that goes, yeah, I bet Rob would like that. But then that moment of you guys at the bar, which by the way, is my greatest acting moment ever. I mean, all the actors I've ever worked with, including Mark Hamill.

• 42:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's awesome. But acting across from you, do you know, did you catch, did you, did you catch the, the subtle, uh, Rob Lowe? References when I was with, uh, uh, Pac-Man Jones and.

• 42:28Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 42:29Speaker 02

  And I go from Young Bloods.

• 42:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, amazing.

• 42:32Speaker 02

  And they're like, who the fuck?

• 42:33Speaker 01

  Who the, that's amazing. Pac-Man Jones saying that is one of the highlights of my career.

• 42:39Speaker 02

  But I love that I picked Young, you know, are they remaking Young Blood?

• 42:43Speaker 01

  They remade Young Blood. But you, you'd think that my phone would have rung. No, no, they've remade it. Apparently it's coming out. Apparently it might be out. I don't know.

• 42:55Speaker 02

  Pull it up.

• 42:57Speaker 01

  And.

• 42:57Speaker 02

  It was such, it was such a great.

• 42:59Speaker 01

  I think they, there was a lot of talk of remaking it over the years and nobody could ever do it. And I think it's like a Canadian production. And here's Young Blood.

• 43:11Speaker 02

  He's black?

• 43:12Speaker 01

  Young Blood's black now.

• 43:13Speaker 02

  So much better, such a better sense. What's up, Young Blood?

• 43:17Speaker 01

  Dude, you'd think that people would have a problem with that. Yo, yo, Young Blood. I was like, hey, what do you mean by that? Why are you calling me because I'm black? You calling me that? Yeah, but yeah, Young Blood's black now and I have not seen it, but I bet it's, it's a great story.

• 43:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was a great story.

• 43:35Speaker 01

  But you know, they, did they call me to be the old coach maybe? But then my name wouldn't have been Young. That's why they didn't. Because if he's the new Young Blood and I'm in it and I'm the old coach, there can't be two Young Bloods.

• 43:45Speaker 02

  Can't be a Young Blood and Old Blood.

• 43:48Speaker 01

  Old Blood.

• 43:48Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah, it's, uh, I, I love that my reference was that and Pac-Man is like, what?

• 43:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, it could have been worse coming, Oxford Blues, just some really random eighties. But no, that's, that first scene that we did, the first two scenes, I love, I think, I love those scenes are really, really, really. And Jared and Andy, who wrote it, those guys are so smart.

• 44:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:15Speaker 01

  And so funny and they just murder all the time.

• 44:20Speaker 02

  They, uh, they are, they are really great, uh, writers and really great directors and really great partners. Like they, I have to say that, like, I don't, you know, I'm always weird about compliments because it sounds like something you do in Hollywood just to, that's like, that's part of the, you do it in rote. There's a lot of people I wouldn't work with again, that I don't, I didn't enjoy the process. But man, I had like, I'll, I'll say this and they're love that I'm sharing this. I had a little bit of a temper tantrum in the middle of the season. I didn't realize what was happening to me. Um, I had all this stuff happen in the beginning of the year. My dog died. I got a blood clot. My bus burned down.

• 44:59Speaker 02

  Blood clot traveled to my lungs. So pretty low, like, and then, and then all the stress of touring and releasing season one and, and then we go into production. And when things finally settled and I'm towards the end of the finish line, I had a absolute meltdown with panic attacks. And I had like another health scare out of nowhere. And it just manifested itself in like, and not in bad behavior, but just in like anxiety and, and we're halfway through. And I started panicking that like, maybe that I, and I, you know, it's like, also you gotta trust those guys. Like they wrote a scene, they wrote a scene and, you know, look, I'm not the best actor and I'm not the best writer and I'm not the best reader. They wrote a scene and I didn't have any lines in it. And I was like, what the fuck am I supposed to do?

• 45:43Speaker 02

  And they're like, you're reacting off everyone. I was like, guys, like, and I, and I'm reading it. I'm like, it's, it sounds ridiculous. And they're like, that's what's funny about it. And I was like, yeah, but I don't understand it. I didn't understand it.

• 45:57Speaker 01

  Right.

• 45:57Speaker 02

  And then we did the scene and I realized they're being ridiculous and I'm the only one grounded in reality. And that's the comedy. I didn't understand that.

• 46:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, that makes sense.

• 46:07Speaker 02

  And I threw a tad bit of what, I wouldn't say a temper tantrum, but I wanted to have a meeting with them and have a come to Jesus.

• 46:13Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 46:13Speaker 02

  And we had like this come to Jesus and they, I gotta say they were perfect because they held their ground. They refused to bend at the knee and be like, well, he's the star. He must be right. They held their ground. They explained to me why they were doing what they were doing. They told me everything I wanted to hear, but they told it to me in a very firm, like, this is what, it was, and, and I walked out. And I literally, I've never had an interaction with two guys where I was like, thank you for doing that. Like, thank you for being firm, but yet also really understanding that I'm going through some stuff right now and I'm stone sober. And I don't have any, I feel like life isn't fun anymore and I don't know how to do a production because every production has always been a party for me.

• 46:57Speaker 02

  And now I'm just, it turns into a job and I'm like, wait, what the fuck is this? What, what is life? Like it, you know, sobriety is, is sobriety, you gotta do work if you're gonna do it. You can't just go like.

• 47:09Speaker 01

  No, because everything's different. Like you said, it like, there's a world where every production is a party. So you wake up to what it is for people who are not partying, which is 99% of the people.

• 47:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:21Speaker 01

  And you go, oh, I see. This is fucking, there's insecurity, there's tension, there's boredom.

• 47:28Speaker 02

  And when you're sober, you're reading all of it.

• 47:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:32Speaker 02

  It's like, all of a sudden you have dog senses where you're like, do you know what I, you know what I was like? I was like, wow, I was like, so I said to them, I was like, so does everyone come in and draw focus? And they're like, yeah, you guys are actors. I was like, but it's kind of like annoying. And they're like, oh, you haven't seen you walk in a room. I was like, what? I do it. And they're like, you do it worse than anybody.

• 47:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, nobody doesn't know when you walk in the room.

• 48:01Speaker 02

  It's such a fucking like, when you're sober, it's all of a sudden, it's like, it's like taking the noise reduction headsets off and you hear everything.

• 48:09Speaker 01

  Isn't it? It's like you press them and they go, and then.

• 48:12Speaker 02

  I didn't like it.

• 48:13Speaker 01

  Everything in the fucking plane, every baby crying.

• 48:15Speaker 02

  I don't know how you did it. I literally, I, I've, I've had, I've found a middle ground where I've, I can have a, I gotta be honest with you. I don't even know if I'm feeling the beers. Like I had two beers the other night and I got in bed and I, I didn't feel buzz, but I went, I went, that was stupid. That's just 300 calories.

• 48:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:33Speaker 02

  That was dumb. I could have easily had water, but for whatever reason, doing a, you know, a 600 person meet and greet. I was like, having a beer in my hand just made it seem palatable.

• 48:42Speaker 01

  Yes, 100%.

• 48:43Speaker 02

  And, um, but like, I, I really like.

• 48:48Speaker 01

  So where are you? So where are, you've been sober, you've been not sober.

• 48:51Speaker 02

  I've been.

• 48:52Speaker 01

  What we would call California sober? Would that be fair to say?

• 48:55Speaker 02

  I can't do marijuana because I have cra- panic showed up in my life in a weird way, like, and stone sober. This is what, I think that if you're gonna say like, what the last, the, the, the, the last straw was for me. Is I had a, I had like a 36 hour panic attack.

• 49:13Speaker 01

  Ugh.

• 49:14Speaker 02

  And.

• 49:15Speaker 01

  Dude, a real, a real one. I've only had two of my life and they're, they're no joke.

• 49:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was, it was like, it was like.

• 49:22Speaker 01

  What's a panic attack look like for you?

• 49:24Speaker 02

  I, I'm not gonna go into great detail because you'll laugh hysterically. But I'll tell you, I, I, I, um. It was, you know, it came, I didn't understand where it came from. I didn't feel weird. I was, you know, going to bed sober was my favorite thing in the world. Like I loved it. I loved going to bed because I knew that my heart rate was gonna drop in the 50s. And then I would get great recovery and I'd be ready to work out. Working out was all I looked forward to when I was sober. That was my favorite thing in the, my favorite thing in the, in the world was getting up, making coffee, going to the gym and working out. Did I take my meds today? I don't think I took my meds today.

• 50:01Speaker 01

  And think about what meds to take. We're living the same life. This is all, this is all.

• 50:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:06Speaker 01

  My life for the past 36 years.

• 50:07Speaker 02

  And so I, uh, I get into bed and, um, and I, I go to yawn. And, um, I couldn't yawn.

• 50:19Speaker 01

  Uh oh.

• 50:20Speaker 02

  And I was like, ha, ha. And then I was like, wow, that's weird. That's so crazy. I normally can yawn really good.

• 50:27Speaker 01

  Uh, I'm stealing this. This is a great fucking bit. I'm, so I'm, I'm not kidding. I'm stealing. He can't yawn and putting it in a scene to trigger a, an attack.

• 50:42Speaker 02

  I'm like, so I go, that sounds crazy. It's kind of like a sneeze that goes away.

• 50:46Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 50:46Speaker 02

  I was like, yeah, that's weird. Then I'm really tired and I start to yawn again and I just go.

• 50:53Speaker 02

  And then I'm like, what if I can't yawn? Oh my God. And I was like, come on, let's just get this yawn out. And then now that I'm thinking about it, as I start to yawn, it goes away. And then I start panicking and I go, I, it, a panic attack always has a sit up in bed moment where you're like, hold on. This isn't real. This, none of this is real. We know that. We all, we're good. We're good. But I'm not drinking and I'm not using drugs or anything. So I'm like, I'm like, we can get through this, but don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Now, in my head, I go, alcohol's in the other room. If I take a sip of alcohol, this goes away immediately. Immediately.

• 51:24Speaker 01

  Immediately.

• 51:24Speaker 02

  Immediately. You relax, you forget about life. That's how, that's why I drink on planes. And so I go in to the bathroom and I Google how to yawn.

• 51:36Speaker 02

  And it says, look up at a light, raise your neck back and say the word leather.

• 51:40Speaker 01

  What?

• 51:42Speaker 02

  I know.

• 51:44Speaker 02

  I mean, I'm like.

• 51:44Speaker 01

  Leather.

• 51:45Speaker 02

  Leather, like you go leather, leather. And what's crazy is I start to relax, but I'm not yawning. And then I start getting really bad. I'm shaking and I'm trembling and I go to Leanne and I wake her up. First thing the bitch does is yawn. And, and they say it's contagious. I don't yawn. I don't yawn. And I'm like, and I told her, I can't tell her what I'm going through. Cause I know she won't understand it. Cause she doesn't have panic attacks, but she's there for me and, and.

• 52:11Speaker 01

  Was your heart racing?

• 52:13Speaker 02

  Oh, through the roof. I was, I was, I was tracking. It was a hundred and twelve, twenty beats per minute.

• 52:17Speaker 01

  Are you sweating?

• 52:18Speaker 02

  I'm sweating. I'm shaking uncontrollably.

• 52:19Speaker 01

  Okay, good, okay.

• 52:20Speaker 02

  I'm naked. I grab a blanket and we walk in the front yard for about thirty to forty five minutes. I'm walking in the front yard and she's going, tell me things that are real in the front yard.

• 52:29Speaker 01

  That's not good.

• 52:29Speaker 02

  And I'm like, and I'm like, I'm going crazy.

• 52:32Speaker 01

  Tell me things that are real.

• 52:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:35Speaker 01

  Ooh, bone shilling.

• 52:36Speaker 02

  And then she goes, let's go into the bed and let's just breathe. And, and by the way, and what's crazy about the not yawning is I felt it in my jaw and in my nose and in my chest. And I felt like I was almost hyperventilating, like, and so I go to the bed and Leanne is breathing so deeply that I start having a panic attack about my breaths. Cause she's like, like a fucking baby Beluga, just.

• 53:00Speaker 02

  In for eight, out for eight. I'm like, who has fucking eight in them? Like she, and then, and then I go, listen. So I fall asleep and I wake up and it's still there. And I'm like, what? I was like, this, this isn't real. Like, hold on. So I go to the treadmill and I, I ran like seven miles. I did a hundred pull ups. I did a hundred squats. I did.

• 53:18Speaker 01

  What time of day? Night is?

• 53:19Speaker 02

  First thing in the morning, first thing in the morning, like seven in the morning. And then of course, word in our house gets out that dad can't yawn. He had a panic attack. So both girls come back, mock me. His, I mean, they're like, first thing Georgia does is yawn.

• 53:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:30Speaker 02

  And goes, how'd you sleep last night? And I was like, fuck off. I was like, but it kept going. It kept going. It kept going. And it, and, and at that point, I was very ang-, I, I gotta tell you, I was very angry.

• 53:44Speaker 02

  And I kept saying to Leanne, I'm doing all the right things. Like I'm not drinking and I'm not doing drugs. And I'm not taking Xanax and I'm not taking NyQuil. I'm not, I'm doing, and I was so mad. I'm like, I'm doing all the right things. And I know a drink would make this go away and I'm suffering unfairly for fucking nothing. I was so angry. We went to couples therapy. And, and I brought it up. And by the way, Leanne started telling the story about not yawning and I yawned. I yawned. The second she talked.

• 54:13Speaker 01

  You should have just said, tell me a.

• 54:16Speaker 02

  I should have just had her talk to me the whole time.

• 54:18Speaker 01

  Just tell me a story.

• 54:21Speaker 02

  Tell me about your aunt's back surgery.

• 54:25Speaker 02

  So, um, and at that point I said, um,

• 54:31Speaker 02

  I was like, dude, I'm not, like, and then I had, and then for like a week I had, um, fear of going to bed. I had a fear of going to bed because a panic attack would show up when I just laid there. And then one day, I'm, I, I forget exactly how it happened, but one day I was just like,

• 54:51Speaker 02

  I think we're getting on a flight to go to somewhere with my daughter and I was getting panicked. And I was like, you know what? I have a glass of champagne. I'm, I'm not dealing with this. And it went away. And then ever since then, I've kind of, I've kind of, uh,

• 55:05Speaker 02

  I, I, I would say very measured with alcohol, but like I, I, I enjoy it, but I don't, I'm not, I haven't gotten hammered or anything. But, uh, and I've been doing pretty good and I, and I don't know what I'm gonna do with it. Like I really enjoy. The problem with me now is if I have a couple glasses of like, last night I had a couple glasses of rosé. And immediately I went, well, I want to be present tomorrow. So, uh, I'm gonna stop. I'm gonna have some water. I'm gonna go to bed and I'm gonna watch this movie.

• 55:30Speaker 01

  That's.

• 55:30Speaker 02

  As opposed to like staying up late and.

• 55:33Speaker 01

  Look, that's good. That's normal people thinking. That's great shit.

• 55:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, I don't know. I mean, but.

• 55:37Speaker 01

  I don't, I, I didn't ever have that.

• 55:39Speaker 02

  But I don't know if I do. You know, I think it's, it's sometimes there's a little bit of a honeymoon phase with it. It's, and I've had that before. We have a honeymoon where you're doing really good.

• 55:47Speaker 01

  Look, I, I didn't want, I don't, look, you didn't ask my opinion, but I'll give you my opinion. Because having thirty six years of recovery, I've, I've heard it all. And if you have it, if you have the ism and that, and, and you may, you may not, but if you have it, my, my guess is eventually.

• 56:09Speaker 02

  It shows up.

• 56:11Speaker 01

  There's no running from it. So, you know, when I hear people go, yeah, I'm back drinking, but I'm, you know, I'm doing this and I'm that. And I'm like, good for you. I couldn't do it. Good for you. And, and write it as long as you, you, you can. And if you, if that works for you in, in, in the long run, you didn't have the ism.

• 56:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:30Speaker 01

  You didn't have it.

• 56:31Speaker 02

  I don't know if I ever did or if I didn't, and I never really explored any of it. I always just went, I don't. And then when I quit drinking, it was medically suggested because of my blood clot. And so I did it spitefully. So I didn't enjoy it for the first month and a half, two months. I didn't enjoy it.

• 56:50Speaker 01

  You did it under duress.

• 56:51Speaker 02

  Yes. And then when I started to enjoy it, I really started to enjoy it and I started to enjoy it too much. Like, and I was like, I was like, dude, I, I remember saying like, I could do this for the rest of my life. This is, this is light work. And then when everything, and then what I realized is I didn't do any of the work.

• 57:10Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 57:10Speaker 02

  On myself. I just was, I just quit drinking.

• 57:13Speaker 01

  Yeah. You then knew what they call a dry drunk.

• 57:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:15Speaker 01

  That's what they call it.

• 57:17Speaker 02

  And I was like.

• 57:17Speaker 01

  Which is unsustainable.

• 57:19Speaker 02

  Can I tell you why I thought that it was doable is because honestly with marijuana, I could never smoke marijuana again and never think about it. And, and, and there have been times where I smoked marijuana every single day for like six months. And then I would just be like, I'm done. And I'd stop and it never, there was never, but I think alcohol got into my life so young.

• 57:39Speaker 01

  Same.

• 57:40Speaker 02

  That I don't, I don't, there's a lot I didn't deal with and a lot of everything I didn't deal with.

• 57:46Speaker 01

  How old were you when you got famous?

• 57:48Speaker 02

  Forty.

• 57:52Speaker 02

  Two.

• 57:53Speaker 01

  Okay. So you at least were a grown fucking man. Cause the, the thing I was gonna say is for people who get famous early, you also get, you get stuck there. Like, like where, wherever you old you were when you got famous, most people are like trapped in amber. Developmentally, at the moment they got famous. So in theory, I'm, I'm basically still like a nineteen year old.

• 58:18Speaker 02

  How great is that?

• 58:21Speaker 02

  I hate that I'm a forty two year old.

• 58:23Speaker 01

  I mean.

• 58:24Speaker 02

  Love to be a nineteen, nineteen year old. Your Burt was a fucking loose cannon.

• 58:27Speaker 01

  Dude, I can, how great if we could go back in a time machine, you and I? Let's go to the, let's go to the outsiders location in a time machine.

• 58:37Speaker 02

  I've been to the outsiders location. I've been there a lot. I've, anytime I'm in Tulsa, I go.

• 58:42Speaker 01

  Do you go to the house?

• 58:42Speaker 02

  I go to the house. I performed at, I performed at the, um, I performed at the drive in movie theater.

• 58:48Speaker 01

  Admiral twin?

• 58:49Speaker 02

  Well, yeah, I performed at that drive in movie theater. I performed there and I was so excited. I was like, this is where Ponyboy met Cherry Valance.

• 58:55Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 58:55Speaker 02

  And everyone was like, every, everyone was like, what? Do you know my assistant had never done, doesn't know what the outsiders is?

• 59:03Speaker 01

  That's crazy.

• 59:04Speaker 02

  He has no idea. And I said, and he goes, yeah, it's like a, it's like a thing, right? Like a, like a thing. And he, and he goes, well, I know Rob Lowe is in it. And I go, that's because you were here for the podcast.

• 59:15Speaker 02

  And I was like, did you know Tom Cruise is in it? He goes, Tom Cruise? And then he didn't know who Patrick Swayze was. He does, like, generationally, these kids are like, are, are, when it comes to art, things turn over so quick.

• 59:29Speaker 01

  And by the way, and it's always been that way, but now it's quicker. Like my kids have no, we, no connection whatsoever to Robert Redford or Paul Newman or.

• 59:42Speaker 02

  I'm watching, I'm watching.

• 59:43Speaker 01

  None.

• 59:43Speaker 02

  I'm watching that ASAP.

• 59:45Speaker 01

  Oh, it's so fucking good. Which Cassidy. And you know, it, what it is, it is the, it is the perfect, it's the, with the very first buddy comedy, really.

• 59:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:00:00Speaker 01

  And, and they're such movie stars. Oh my God. Oh my God. They're gorgeous and cool and tough and vulnerable and hilarious. And it's, it's great. It's just, it's just great.

• 1:00:18Speaker 02

  Does it, does it break your heart? I think about death a lot. I think it's because of the year I had. It's been showing up on my plate and I keep thinking like, like, and I think that's part of the anxiety I was going through was like, was like, I kept thinking this. The shoe was about to drop with my life. Like I kept thinking, and I'm stone sober. I'm the healthiest I've ever been. My numbers have never been better. I'm working out like crazy. I'm running an eight minute and thirty four second mile. Like I'm really in great shape, but I'm still like, you know, healthy people die too. That's the crazy thing.

• 1:00:48Speaker 01

  Fuck it.

• 1:00:49Speaker 02

  But like, does it?

• 1:00:50Speaker 01

  The other thing is drunks or, and drug addicts get healthy and then die. That also happens. Not, I mean, you know, I'm just sharing.

• 1:00:58Speaker 02

  No, no, I appreciate it.

• 1:00:59Speaker 01

  That was a nice.

• 1:01:01Speaker 02

  Well, we got our clip for the week.

• 1:01:04Speaker 02

  But, um, but it's, uh, but like what really upsets me, what really breaks my heart. And it makes me think, um, I think the word is listless or, or, or hopeless. Is that my assistant doesn't know who Paul Newman is. He doesn't know who he is and nor does he really care.

• 1:01:27Speaker 01

  Doesn't care.

• 1:01:27Speaker 02

  He doesn't care. Like he.

• 1:01:29Speaker 01

  Why would he?

• 1:01:30Speaker 02

  And, and Paul Newman

• 1:01:35Speaker 02

  in Hollywood terms, in Hollywood, and I, and I, look, I understand that people now think Hollywood is just where people eat babies, but like.

• 1:01:47Speaker 02

  In Hollywood terms, Hollywood defined cool for a very long time and it still does. They don't understand that they're getting fed it a different way, but it still does.

• 1:01:58Speaker 02

  But Paul Newman was the epitome of cool, of masculine, of, of, of the coolest guy in the room was Paul Newman.

• 1:02:10Speaker 01

  By the way, you realize in The Outsiders begins with the first line of The Outsiders, I had two things on my mind, Paul Newman and the, and the walk home.

• 1:02:22Speaker 02

  Oh, they had just seen that movie, right?

• 1:02:23Speaker 01

  He had just seen, I think, I think it's The Hustler.

• 1:02:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:28Speaker 01

  But yeah, Ponyboy Curtis in The Outsiders hero is Paul Newman.

• 1:02:33Speaker 02

  Paul Newman, I mean, this is how cool Paul Newman is. Paul Newman had his, this is my favorite, this is one of my favorite Paul Newman stories. And this is, everyone knows the story, but I'll share it if you don't. Paul Newman's daughter brings her boyfriend home from college or whatever. And Paul Newman says to him as they're making dinner, what time is it? And the guy goes, I don't know, I'm gonna watch. So Paul Newman goes, hang on, goes back, gets a Rolex Daytona, gives it to him. He goes, now you gotta watch. What time is it? Kid tells him the time. Find out how much that, I think he sold it for $3 million, $30 million. Pull up Paul Newman's Daytona. Uh, he, then they broke up. You know the story, right?

• 1:03:12Speaker 01

  I, I did not know. I mean, I know about the Paul Newman Daytona. I know.

• 1:03:15Speaker 02

  Paul Newman, Paul Newman's Daytona.

• 1:03:20Speaker 01

  I've seen.

• 1:03:21Speaker 02

  The gift, go, go back, go back, go back, go back, go back. In 1968, Paul Newman's wife bought him this card. She engraved, drive carefully. That exact, he gifted it to James Cox in 1984. He gave the watch to James Cox, who was dating his daughter at the time, became, because Cox didn't own a watch. Cox then put it on sale through Phillips auctioneers. It sold for $17 million.

• 1:03:48Speaker 02

  That's how cool Paul Newman is. The watch he gave some dude that was banging his daughter sold for $17 million. Paul Newman was the first, Paul Newman was the prototype for like.

• 1:04:00Speaker 01

  For all these people, I have a new beer, I have a new this. He had, he literally, his, it started as a salad dressing, Newman's Own. And then it became everything. And by the way, he, do you know he never made a nickel off of it?

• 1:04:11Speaker 02

  It was all went to charity.

• 1:04:12Speaker 01

  100% went to charity. 100%. Then the, Paul Newman, Newman's Lemonade is the greatest thing ever. Newman's Own Lemonade, to this day, greatest thing ever.

• 1:04:23Speaker 02

  I bet there's people that don't even know that that's Paul Newman.

• 1:04:26Speaker 01

  No, for sure. Or they, or they think Paul Newman is the lemonade guy and had no idea he's an actor. I, I've, I know that I've seen people go, the lemonade guy? The salad dressing guy? I'm like, yeah, salad dressing guy is the greatest actor ever. That, there it is. Oh, that's my jam. Now, I just gotta say, I didn't love that he did all the goofy like ads for this. I didn't love that. I think he's, I thought he was too, there's like him eating the popcorn in like a clown suit and all this shit that I don't like. I think he's, but I think he did anything to sell that shit. Now look, see, there he is, there he is. He's, he's tossing something up in the air was.

• 1:05:05Speaker 02

  What's crazy is, and I don't mean this as a slight, um, cause I don't mean to talk negative about someone at all by any stretch of the means. And I love this man's body of work, but it, it has to be acknowledged that he's had a, a side story on the side. People will remember Mel Gibson more than they will Paul Newman. Because of the extracurriculars that have happened around Mel Gibson. Because he can be fodder for the internet and Paul Newman has no fodder for the internet.

• 1:05:29Speaker 01

  Cause he, he was long gone before the internet was a thing.

• 1:05:34Speaker 02

  Yeah. How old was he when he died? He was in the eighties, right?

• 1:05:36Speaker 01

  He was in his eighties and I think he died in like, I'm gonna guess, so like 2006, maybe something like that. I'm just guessing.

• 1:05:41Speaker 02

  Look at Paul Newman. 1925.

• 1:05:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:05:47Speaker 02

  Is that the greatest generation? What's the, type in, there is a term for the greatest generation. And my grandmother was a part of it.

• 1:05:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:05:55Speaker 02

  They witnessed like two world wars.

• 1:05:57Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 1:05:57Speaker 02

  Like, uh, the Vietnam War, the Korean War, the, they, the telephone showing up, the car showing up. They got, that's the greatest.

• 1:06:05Speaker 01

  He'll be.

• 1:06:05Speaker 02

  Americans born between 1901 and 2027, grew up in the Great Depression and served during World War Two. They are the greatest generation. Look at the shit they witnessed. I mean, like, I think.

• 1:06:19Speaker 01

  By the way, our kids are gonna see the same stuff in terms of like technology.

• 1:06:26Speaker 02

  Can I give you a compliment?

• 1:06:27Speaker 01

  They're gonna see all of it.

• 1:06:27Speaker 02

  Okay, I'm, I'm all over the map with you right now.

• 1:06:30Speaker 01

  And we love you for that.

• 1:06:31Speaker 02

  But wait, what year were you born in?

• 1:06:32Speaker 01

  64.

• 1:06:33Speaker 02

  64? God damn it, I gotta get some fucking, I gotta get a laser for my face.

• 1:06:39Speaker 01

  I'm gonna get a laser.

• 1:06:40Speaker 02

  So you, you got a childhood with no phones whatsoever.

• 1:06:44Speaker 01

  Oh, I, I just said this the other day. I lived in the best time in the history of mankind. I had a childhood outrunning a muck, bikes, parents didn't care, no, what, whatever, do whatever. Then, you know, drug, drugs were good for you. There were no sexually transmitted diseases that could kill you. There was no phones and it was the, like, I wouldn't wanna be a famous, you single guy now. You know, I, I, we, we, I, look, look at me with that stupid rabbit. Picture me with a retarded rabbit. Look at me, what the fuck is that?

• 1:07:25Speaker 01

  Dude, do you know the story behind this? Is that the worst photo ever? Would you kidnap that kid? If you saw that kid, you'd kidnap him.

• 1:07:34Speaker 02

  Kidnap you.

• 1:07:35Speaker 01

  And you'd do, and you'd do the other thing too.

• 1:07:37Speaker 02

  Well, you're an actor, so I bet your attitude would shift pretty quick.

• 1:07:39Speaker 01

  You, you not only would kidnap.

• 1:07:41Speaker 02

  You'd find a way to get me, you'd do Stockholm syndrome with me to get me to like you, to get me to let you go.

• 1:07:47Speaker 01

  That I would. I'd pull out that rabbit. So that was in the days when to be an actor, you had to have a thing called a composite. Do you know what a composite was?

• 1:07:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:56Speaker 01

  So it was like, you had to have, it was not your headshot. It was a headshot with like four other pictures that would show your range.

• 1:08:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:03Speaker 01

  Usually you literally at one point had to show, because you had to do commercials, you like would hold like a fucking bottle of Coke or like a can of pop. It was so bad. But like, I guess this was me showing that I could be a magician, but like, look, but the hat's wrong. It's a Gilligan's Island hat instead of a top hat. That's what, it's, it's really bad. It's really, it's really not good.

• 1:08:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, that generation.

• 1:08:31Speaker 02

  I mean, I, I always feel like I got really lucky because I also grew up in the middle of nowhere in Tampa, like very, very north Tampa. So we didn't have cable. Like I remember, I can remember, like, I, I said to my daughters, I remember when fajitas came out. Like, and they're like, no, you don't. I go, I remember the first time seeing fajitas. I remember the first time that, I remember when Hooters showed up. I remember when.

• 1:08:54Speaker 01

  I got one better. I remember when Taco Bell came to Ohio and you went there and they phonetically spelled. Cause people, ta, co, and cha, la, da. Like they phonetically spelled it on the menu.

• 1:09:10Speaker 02

  Do you know why they called it Taco Bell?

• 1:09:12Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:09:12Speaker 02

  Cause the guy's last name was Bell. I think.

• 1:09:18Speaker 01

  But, oh, oh, wait, here's another good one. Wait, here's another good one. Here's my composite. Here's the other, and this is like, this is a lesson that took me forever to learn. When a director tries to tell you something you intuitively know is wrong.

• 1:09:31Speaker 02

  By the way, I must've slept on a sight saver thing. I was like, what is on my back? And I just, I slept on this last night and it was stuck to my back. I was cleaning my teeth with it. Keep going.

• 1:09:44Speaker 01

  So I remember shooting this photo and if you notice, I'm dressed as a soccer player, but yet I'm kicking a basketball.

• 1:09:54Speaker 01

  And I remember telling the photographer, I don't think this is right. And he was like, oh, it's fine. And I just remember like, you know, that, you gotta trust your instincts. That looks ridiculous. Why is that soccer player kicking a basketball?

• 1:10:08Speaker 02

  Do you think, do you think that like, do you think you could make it through? Let's, let's, let's pull you out, AI. Let's pull you out. Say you're born in 1994, right?

• 1:10:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:22Speaker 02

  So your success would have shown up in like 2012.

• 1:10:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:28Speaker 02

  Do you think you would have made it? Like your personality, all your behaviors, all your, everything about you. Now, hold on, there's a lot that like, the best representation of you at the time, maybe Tiger Beat was out. You were on there, but you would have been so much bigger because you, you were, you are camera friendly, but especially at like 18, you were heartthrob. I mean, a legit, legit defined, that's crazy that I'm saying this. Defined the phrase heartthrob and, and, but with the exposure.

• 1:11:07Speaker 02

  Whereas, whereas if you look back to being born in 64, there was a little bit of a, like, you know, a padded room around you when you went through life.

• 1:11:16Speaker 01

  Well, what I think about is the jet fuel that Instagram, social media would have been on top of.

• 1:11:30Speaker 01

  The sort of what I had in those days, which is the Tiger Beat. Like, we were siloed off. Like, the kids knew.

• 1:11:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:11:39Speaker 01

  Do you mean?

• 1:11:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:11:40Speaker 01

  Like, the 14-year-old girls, ah, like, they knew. But like, sort of, the, it was, we were like ghettoed off over here. And then the serious actors and people and adults kind of looked down their noses at, you know, do you know what I mean?

• 1:11:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:11:56Speaker 01

  And, and, and that's all flipped. And now all anybody cares about is what is, what is moving the needle for today's 14-year-old girl.

• 1:12:08Speaker 02

  And, and

• 1:12:09Speaker 01

  And so it would have been, it would, it would have been bananas.

• 1:12:13Speaker 02

  It's funny because nowadays, you have to be a little bit of a jack of all trades, which I think you've always had, but, but which showed up for you later in life. Like, your comic chops showed up much later in your life for everyone, but they were always there. Whereas today, Timothy Chalamet, he, yes, he's a fantastic actor, but he, almost like, if he couldn't rap, or, uh, you know, then like, we would be like, who is this kid?

• 1:12:37Speaker 01

  Well, he's a, he's a great market, like, you, going back to Paul Newman, my heroes in those days, it was beneath them to sell their movies.

• 1:12:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:12:51Speaker 01

  They didn't do it. They did not do it. I defy you to go, how many times was Warren Beatty on The Tonight Show? I don't think he ever was.

• 1:13:00Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:13:00Speaker 01

  And, and, and it was beneath, it was like, you wouldn't sully your hands. Today, Timothy Chalamet is like, wearing suits and creating

• 1:13:09Speaker 02

  Doing a potato sack race.

• 1:13:09Speaker 01

  Potato sack race and doing

• 1:13:11Speaker 02

  I mean, no

• 1:13:11Speaker 01

  And he's, and he's great at it. I mean, what, what he did with Marty Supreme, I mean, he single-handedly opened that movie and made that movie into, I thought it was dope, the fucking pop-up stores and the swag and

• 1:13:22Speaker 02

  Oh, him on top of the fucking sphere.

• 1:13:24Speaker 01

  Fucking sick. It was, and, and it's just a different, different, like, you would never have done that.

• 1:13:30Speaker 02

  Yeah. I remember people giving attitude to like Johnny Depp when he didn't want to promote movies, or he was difficult promoting, promoting movies. Now that's like such a sexy thing.

• 1:13:40Speaker 01

  Well, they have in your contract now.

• 1:13:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:13:42Speaker 01

  They put it in the contract.

• 1:13:43Speaker 02

  I, I gotta be honest with you, I think the, I'm, I'm gonna bite myself in the ass by saying this. But I think sometimes the only reason I get offered a movie is because they know that I can promote it.

• 1:13:55Speaker 01

  No, that is a big part of it.

• 1:13:57Speaker 02

  If you're a really talented actor, that's great. But if you can't get yourself on The Tonight Show, then they're like, what are we doing here?

• 1:14:05Speaker 01

  And today's version of The Tonight Show is this.

• 1:14:07Speaker 02

  Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess this too.

• 1:14:09Speaker 01

  No, no, no, this is it. It's so funny. I, here's what, what's really amazing is, and I love it so much because I fucking hate, I shouldn't say it. Those shows are, but, but they're so produced. So they're gonna say this, and then you're gonna say that. And then they really love the story where you say this, and then if you say that, and if we have time for it, then we're gonna, it's like, it's so produced and you, and that's why most people are terrible on it because they listen to it. I don't. I just go and do whatever the hell I want to do. But, um, now podcasts are the way that people get to know celebrities. And it's great because you, there's no hiding in the length of this conversation.

• 1:14:48Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:14:49Speaker 01

  Like, you know what I'm about. There's no, there's no way to get around it. It's been fascinating to watch Tom Cruise in this new, uh, press tour he's on because it's, it's him, it's Tom, just talking. So you really get a sense of, of Tom, which you've never really gotten before.

• 1:15:05Speaker 02

  Which has gotta be scary for his team. Because, you know, like Will Smith, when he hit Chris Rock, I was like, yo, I've known Will for, since I started this business. And I, I was reaching out to everyone going like, have him come on my podcast. And I think they were like, I think in a weird way, they're like, you ever, you ever see someone with a pretty dog and you're like, oh, it's a great dog, can I pet it? And they're like, no. And you're like, what? And they're like, it's better if you just keep walking.

• 1:15:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:15:32Speaker 02

  And like Tom Cruise, I think he would admit he's got some nooks and crannies. Maybe not, maybe not his people want to see everything about it. You know, I know people that worked with him. I mean, he's like, I would fucking

• 1:15:47Speaker 01

  Kill to work, Tom.

• 1:15:48Speaker 02

  I would, I don't even care about working with the guy. I want to, I want to just, I want to live. His life is fascinating. I, I don't, I can't say how I know this, but like, he has everything planned out to a T. Like, in, he has a person who trims down F1 and soccer so that in the gym, they've just cut out all the commercials and all the highlights. So we can go, oh, this race is great. And he sees the best race anyone's ever seen. And then he works out, and then as he works out, they're like, TC's coming to dub. Yeah, get his food ready. And he walks into the room, food's ready. And the shower's already steaming, like, everything's planned out. I find that pretty fascinating part of Tom Cruise.

• 1:16:31Speaker 02

  I don't really care about the relationship. That doesn't bother me.

• 1:16:34Speaker 01

  Whatever floats your boat.

• 1:16:35Speaker 02

  Whatever, whatever you find solace in.

• 1:16:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:16:38Speaker 02

  But like, but like, there's some parts of him, when you're that, do you see that interview with Mick Jagger? And it is so good. I think it's New York Times. It's so good. And they're like, um, John Mulaney made fun of you because you weren't nice. And Mick Jagger's like, yeah, ah, I'm, I'm like a, I've been a rock star for 70 years. Like, he's like, and John Mulaney's like, you know, Mick Jagger's not like the kind of guy that you'd be like, hey, do you have a charger for your phone? Mick Jagger's like, what the fuck are you talking about?

• 1:17:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, sure.

• 1:17:06Speaker 02

  And Mick Jagger's like, you know, it, you get very insulated.

• 1:17:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, for sure.

• 1:17:10Speaker 02

  Look, I'm not that famous and I am very insulated in my own life.

• 1:17:14Speaker 01

  See, here's the, look, what you, what you liked about that Mick Jagger moment is what I really admire is people who own it. It's like, dude, you're fucking famous.

• 1:17:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:17:23Speaker 01

  You've been famous forever. Don't give me your fucking man of the people bullshit.

• 1:17:27Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 1:17:28Speaker 01

  Do you know, do you know, do you know what I mean? It's like, do, do, like, you can, you can, as they would say today, hold space.

• 1:17:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:17:35Speaker 01

  With, with being Mick Jagger, famous for fucking ever, and also being like, a, a, a human being, but he's not gonna be like, giving you his charger.

• 1:17:47Speaker 02

  I got very passionate. Now, I have to say this, I, I, I always, I always take the wrong side, whatever that is. Whatever that is, I take the wrong side. For whatever fucking reason, I always hear the wrong side in my head that makes logic. There was a, a makeup guy, and I apologize to this makeup guy who I'm about to slam. He was like, they were like, what was it like working with, uh, Ryan Reynolds' wife? What's her name? Blake Holiday. Blake Holiday. Blake, Blake Lively.

• 1:18:14Speaker 01

  I like Blake Holiday better. That's a great

• 1:18:16Speaker 02

  They were like, what was it like?

• 1:18:17Speaker 01

  Blake Holiday is the, she was in the porn you watched last night after my movie.

• 1:18:22Speaker 02

  They don't have, they don't have names, Rob. Anyway, they were just in a mask and a ball gag. And so the, uh, he goes, uh, what was it like working with Blake Lively? And he goes, well, I can only answer that question to say, was it as bad as Anne Hathaway?

• 1:18:37Speaker 01

  Oh, Jesus.

• 1:18:38Speaker 02

  And he slams Anne Hathaway. And now I said, now, I was talking to my assistant on my tour bus when I had this conversation. So let's just acknowledge how distant I am in reality. I said, but you know, let me just, it's not the star's job to go and strike up a conversation for hair and makeup. The star is also working that day, and they could be working on sides.

• 1:19:02Speaker 01

  They could be running lines.

• 1:19:03Speaker 02

  Running lines, getting into character, or also they're humans and they could be going through. Now, the guy's defense was that he worked with her for like six months. She never said a word to him. His daughter was his stand-in. He never said, do you have another daughter? He never, he never asked about him. Also, once again, uh, I got the tires rotated in my daughter's car the other day, and I didn't, I really feel bad. I didn't ask the guy doing it about his family. What the fuck are we talking about? Like, he's, he's doing a job, I'm doing a job. That's the way commerce works. Sometimes you just do the job.

• 1:19:32Speaker 01

  You just do the job.

• 1:19:33Speaker 02

  And then my, and then my assistant was like, uh, you know too much about the people you work with. He's like, you're not, like, you're, like, you're defending it like he's talking about you. It's not you. And he was like, do you remember your hair and makeup lady? I said, jury? And he was like, yeah. I was like, she's on blood dinners because I'm on blood dinners. Her husband has, like, and we, and I was like, okay, I definitely, maybe I go too far where I'm like, I should shut the fuck up. But I, but like, but I also, uh, allow a celebrity to be a little different than me and like, be a celebrity and not, you know, like, like, I, and, and if they don't want to talk, they shouldn't have to talk. I stand by my friends. I always stand by my friends.

• 1:20:13Speaker 01

  Have you ever worked out with Joe?

• 1:20:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:20:16Speaker 01

  Is he a beast?

• 1:20:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:20:18Speaker 01

  He's a beast, right?

• 1:20:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:20:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:20:21Speaker 01

  I'm obsessed with people's workouts. I like, like when you were talking about Tom and the workout, I like, ooh. Oh, first of all, I really am obsessed with Mark Wahlberg's 4 a.m. club stuff.

• 1:20:33Speaker 02

  Would you, would you be interested in going to Vegas with me and going to work out with Mark Wahlberg one morning? Cause I bet we can make that happen.

• 1:20:40Speaker 01

  I, that would be really fun, actually.

• 1:20:42Speaker 02

  That would be fun. And then we'll go play golf with him.

• 1:20:43Speaker 01

  I would love that.

• 1:20:45Speaker 02

  Hey.

• 1:20:46Speaker 01

  Let's make this happen.

• 1:20:47Speaker 02

  Let's make this happen. I would, I would love to work out with Mark Wahlberg and, and

• 1:20:52Speaker 01

  Same.

• 1:20:52Speaker 02

  And I would want to eat with his chef cooks.

• 1:20:54Speaker 01

  No, I want, I want his whole program.

• 1:20:55Speaker 02

  I want the whole program.

• 1:20:56Speaker 01

  The whole program.

• 1:20:57Speaker 02

  And then I want to go play golf with him. Cause you know, I think

• 1:21:00Speaker 01

  I shot, by the way, I shot my best career round yesterday. I shot 74 two days ago.

• 1:21:04Speaker 02

  Congrats.

• 1:21:04Speaker 01

  I know.

• 1:21:05Speaker 02

  Wow. Do you know, do you know who I just played with the other day?

• 1:21:08Speaker 01

  Who?

• 1:21:08Speaker 02

  Bryson DeChambeau.

• 1:21:09Speaker 01

  Oh, he's the great. I don't know him, but I have friends who know him really well. He's great. Great dude.

• 1:21:13Speaker 02

  He's incredible. And I was his caddy. And we were playing a course I played a million times. Robinson, it's called, uh, something else, but it's Robinson Ranch is what I called it. Sand Canyon. And I was like, this is par one. It's, uh, it's 350. Got to go over that tree and you can land on the green. First shot, first drive, he's four feet from the pin. Eagle. I'm like, shut the, I go, this is like playing with the, my controller, I'm, I got my superhuman guy.

• 1:21:42Speaker 01

  It's insane.

• 1:21:43Speaker 02

  Let's go, let's go to Vegas.

• 1:21:46Speaker 01

  I would love, I would love to do that. I'm obsessed with, I've known him forever. My, my longtime best friend, the late actor, Bill Paxton, cast Mark in his first real dramatic role in a movie called Travelers. This is years and years and years and years ago. Yeah. Really, really a long time ago. And so he was like, not taken seriously as an actor at all. And I was very supportive of the whole thing. And he's always been great because of that. But I, I love Mark. He's a great dude. And, but I am obsessed with this 4 a.m. Really 4 a.m.?

• 1:22:18Speaker 02

  Yeah. Do you know what he just said? If I'm not mistaken, but I'm, there's a couple of guys I'm ride or dives for. Like, you know, like Mark Wahlberg, when he was in that movie with Reese Witherspoon, uh, do you remember that movie?

• 1:22:31Speaker 01

  Oh, of course.

• 1:22:32Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 1:22:33Speaker 01

  Yeah. With, Jimmy Foley directed it. It's, it's a great movie.

• 1:22:37Speaker 02

  And, uh, that movie, I was like, dude, this guy's legit. And, and I was, I was a Marky Mark fan. Cause I was, I'm that age. And I was a New Kids on the Block fan. Cause I'm that age.

• 1:22:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:22:46Speaker 02

  So like, but, uh, I've been a fan of his, The Rock. I love The Rock. There's guys I love that, I love their, I love their mentality. I love everything about them. And, but I heard that Mark started slowing down the 4 a.m. because he was like, he started realizing how important recovery is. So he goes to bed a little earlier and wakes up a little later just cause recovery. I, I, that's what I heard.

• 1:23:06Speaker 01

  That's probably true. I heard it, I just the other day, he's going to bed at five in the so insane. It's so bananas, but I love it. I love the dedication. I just love this whole vibe. He's in there with these cast of characters.

• 1:23:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:23:19Speaker 01

  It's like, he's got like the complex. Like, is it in his garage? I'm just fascinated with it.

• 1:23:24Speaker 02

  Oh, I'm fascinated. Like I met a dude who's like, his son and Mark's, Mark Wahlberg's son went to high school together. And he's like, yeah, Mark's a cool guy. I go, what? He was like, he goes to Cressby games. He does, this doesn't happen anymore. I'm sure his son's out of high school. But like, back when he lived in LA, he goes, he goes to Cressby games. I'm like, I'm gonna start going to fucking Cressby games to meet Mark Wahlberg. Dude, I would love, um, we're gonna do a video after this. We're gonna post it on social media. Just a very, Mark Wahlberg, Bert Kreischer, Rob Lowe here. We would love the opportunity to just simply spend a day in your shoes. Walk a mile in your shoes. By the way, we'll be wearing, uh, what is the name of his shoes?

• 1:24:02Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. What does he have?

• 1:24:04Speaker 02

  Provincial Providence, Proven, uh, what's the name of it? What? We're, we're, we want to, we would love the opportunity to walk a mile in your municipal shoes.

• 1:24:13Speaker 01

  Municipal.

• 1:24:14Speaker 02

  And, and we go, we go in, right?

• 1:24:16Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:24:17Speaker 02

  We, we get there like, we'll get there like, I'm sure we should probably be like weekday. It'd probably be the easiest lift, right? So we say we fly in on a Monday night, me and you. We'll go to dinner, right?

• 1:24:26Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:24:27Speaker 02

  We'll go to dinner early. We'll get to bed around eight.

• 1:24:29Speaker 01

  Eight. For sure. Eight.

• 1:24:31Speaker 02

  Yeah. And then

• 1:24:32Speaker 01

  For sure. No later than eight.

• 1:24:34Speaker 02

  And then I, should we spend the night at his house?

• 1:24:37Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:24:38Speaker 02

  I think we should. We should spend the night at his house.

• 1:24:40Speaker 01

  In his house.

• 1:24:41Speaker 02

  Yeah. We spent, okay. So we get into Vegas. We should definitely have dinner and pre, and like plan some stuff out, like

• 1:24:47Speaker 01

  We should eat a very heavy dinner. So we go immediately to sleep. And then, cause, cause the thing is you're waking up and you're, you're working out fasted, basically.

• 1:24:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're going heavy pasta, cacio e pepe.

• 1:24:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:24:59Speaker 02

  Fucking

• 1:25:00Speaker 01

  100%.

• 1:25:01Speaker 02

  Eggplant Parmesan.

• 1:25:02Speaker 01

  That's right. And then I want to do an upper body day. Cause he's, he's like, I do it all in one day. Which is probably not right, but I just don't want to get it. But we, I don't want to do a leg day with him.

• 1:25:11Speaker 02

  No, we're not doing legs.

• 1:25:12Speaker 01

  Fuck that.

• 1:25:12Speaker 02

  Legs.

• 1:25:13Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:25:13Speaker 02

  No one does legs.

• 1:25:14Speaker 01

  But then if we do upper body, then we're playing golf and then we're all swole. And that's not good either.

• 1:25:19Speaker 02

  No, I think that would be good for us. Cause it'll slow down our swing.

• 1:25:23Speaker 02

  I think it'll slow down our swing. Yeah. So we go in, we, me and you go get dinner first and then we get dropped off at his house. He's already been sound asleep. It'll be eight o'clock.

• 1:25:31Speaker 01

  Yeah. Cause I don't want

• 1:25:32Speaker 02

  I don't want to meet, I don't want to see him. We go into a back entrance through the garage.

• 1:25:36Speaker 01

  We don't want to see him till 4 a.m.

• 1:25:38Speaker 02

  No. Yeah. Right. And then should we share a room?

• 1:25:41Speaker 01

  Do you snore? I have a feeling you snore.

• 1:25:43Speaker 02

  I definitely snore.

• 1:25:44Speaker 01

  Fuck that. No, absolutely not.

• 1:25:46Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:25:46Speaker 01

  Absolutely. We do not.

• 1:25:48Speaker 02

  His, I think his kid's in college. I'll sleep in his kid's bedroom. You sleep in the guest bedroom. And then he wakes us up. He wakes us up? Or should we have like the way he gets woken up? Like, like

• 1:25:58Speaker 01

  We want him to wake him up. My brother got woken up by Clint Eastwood once, and it was the greatest thing ever. He was, they went, uh, he was married to Hillary Swank at the time and she was shooting Million Dollar Baby. And so they just wrapped and they were at Clint's house. This is my favorite story my brother tells. It's fun to have famous people wake you up. And they're gonna go skiing in the morning. And so my brother's asleep and he's, tick, tick, tick, tick. Hey, uh, it's time to go. I'll be in the kitchen. And then he goes into the kitchen. He walks in and just sees Clint,

• 1:26:38Speaker 01

  like in silhouette with the rising sun over the mountains, the steaming hot cup of coffee. He says, he'll never forget it as long as he, so you want, you want Mark Wahlberg? What would Mark, Mark's, I don't do a good Wahlberg. Hey, man. Hey, we're gonna go. Hey, someone go.

• 1:26:55Speaker 02

  Hey, Bert.

• 1:26:56Speaker 01

  Hey, Bert.

• 1:26:56Speaker 02

  Bert.

• 1:26:57Speaker 01

  Hey, Bert. It's 4 a.m.

• 1:26:58Speaker 02

  Hi. No, this, I would, this is how he wants, I want, wanted to wake me up. I'm ready to fuck, Bert. I'm ready to fuck. I got the big dick. Who am I fucking? Come on, Jack. Dirk's the king of Dirk, Jack. Dirk's king. It's simple arithmetic. A plus B equals C. Come on. It's rock and roll, man. I want, I want the broken Mark Wahlberg.

• 1:27:14Speaker 01

  Is my big dick? I say when we go.

• 1:27:15Speaker 02

  I'm ready to fuck, Jack. I'm Dirk's king of Dirk. That's what I want. That's how I want to be woken up.

• 1:27:20Speaker 01

  He hates that movie though.

• 1:27:21Speaker 02

  No, he doesn't.

• 1:27:21Speaker 01

  He's, I've, I think he doesn't like it.

• 1:27:24Speaker 02

  That's, well, we're gonna, we're gonna, we are going to change that.

• 1:27:27Speaker 01

  It's the greatest movie ever.

• 1:27:28Speaker 02

  It's one of the greatest movies I've ever seen. That Three Kings. I went through a list of great Mark Wahlberg performances.

• 1:27:34Speaker 01

  Dude, I like the one where he's in the oil rig.

• 1:27:37Speaker 02

  Uh, which one? We, are you talking about The Greatest Storm with George Clooney?

• 1:27:41Speaker 01

  Oh, that's also great.

• 1:27:42Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:27:43Speaker 01

  They shot that on the Warner Brothers lot. I would go from the West Wing set in my suit and like be in the, in, in a tank and go

• 1:27:50Speaker 02

  Aaron Sorkin wrote West Wing.

• 1:27:51Speaker 01

  Yes, you did.

• 1:27:52Speaker 02

  Dude, do you, god damn it. Finish with Mark Wahlberg. Go.

• 1:27:55Speaker 01

  No, but it was just to go and watch that shot on the Warner Brothers lot. Like literally, there's a scene where there's a, I'll never forget, it was like Hollywood movie magic. It was the, um, they had, they'd built a coast guard ship trying to rescue a rescue swimmer. And it's on the lot. It's in a tank. It was fucking insane.

• 1:28:16Speaker 02

  Dude, how do you want Mark Wahlberg to wake, wake you up? What character do you want him to play?

• 1:28:20Speaker 01

  Ooh, Dirk Diggler, of course.

• 1:28:21Speaker 02

  Dirk Diggler. So he wakes us up as Dirk Diggler.

• 1:28:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think that's really

• 1:28:24Speaker 02

  And then I know that's a lot to ask Mark, but that, that we want to be woken up as Dirk Diggler. And then we go to the gym and it's chest day.

• 1:28:30Speaker 01

  Because listen, yeah, yeah, yes.

• 1:28:31Speaker 02

  He better drink coffee.

• 1:28:33Speaker 01

  He better, oh dude, I better have espresso. What if he's like one of those, I cut caffeine years ago.

• 1:28:39Speaker 02

  I don't even know who you are anymore.

• 1:28:41Speaker 01

  Yeah. No, no, no.

• 1:28:42Speaker 02

  And so then we would do a big chest day. I want to see, can I tell you what I want? And I'm just playing this.

• 1:28:46Speaker 01

  I'm, I see, I'm fucked. Cause I bet you guys lift heavy chest and I'm

• 1:28:50Speaker 02

  I will blow out my tit for that guy.

• 1:28:52Speaker 01

  God damn it.

• 1:28:53Speaker 02

  I will fucking max out. I will max out. But this is what I want to, this is what I want. Cause you know, he's got these. I want, I want you doing bench with the chains on the side where it goes

• 1:29:06Speaker 02

  and then, and then we go back to our rooms. No, we cold plunge. We gotta cold plunge with him.

• 1:29:10Speaker 01

  You're not supposed to cold plunge after you lift?

• 1:29:12Speaker 02

  I don't know. I don't know. Maybe.

• 1:29:14Speaker 01

  You're not.

• 1:29:14Speaker 02

  Okay. So we don't

• 1:29:15Speaker 01

  Cause you're all swole and then the cold plunge reduces that.

• 1:29:19Speaker 02

  Can I tell you the part that I, that I'm married to?

• 1:29:22Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:29:22Speaker 02

  That I'm afraid that we may lose you on.

• 1:29:25Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:29:25Speaker 02

  And Mark, I want you to know, I'm being sincere. I want to get prayed up with him.

• 1:29:31Speaker 01

  Me too.

• 1:29:31Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:29:32Speaker 01

  Oh, 100%.

• 1:29:33Speaker 02

  Good, good, good, good, good, good.

• 1:29:34Speaker 01

  I know. 100%.

• 1:29:35Speaker 02

  Hard fuck. And I'm, I'm, I, I got my Jesus piece, everything. I want to get prayed up. I want to go to his little garden where he prays.

• 1:29:41Speaker 01

  No, no, 100%.

• 1:29:42Speaker 02

  We'll do that after the workout.

• 1:29:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:29:43Speaker 02

  And then go in, have breakfast, go to our rooms, get dressed in golf attire, top to bottom municipal. You can use us for all the municipal promos you want.

• 1:29:50Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 1:29:51Speaker 02

  And then out to the course. I don't think he drinks. You don't drink. I'm gonna be fucked.

• 1:29:56Speaker 01

  And also I hear he literally runs from shot to shot. Like, like he's, like, when you ask, like, I ask always celebrities, who's a good golfer? And whenever you ask, say about Mark, what, what everybody says is, he's fast.

• 1:30:14Speaker 02

  I like someone that plays ready golf.

• 1:30:15Speaker 01

  Me too.

• 1:30:16Speaker 02

  I, my, my dad would love that when he was younger. My, my dad was always like, hey, don't stand over the goddamn putt, putt it. You're not that good. You're not reading anything. Just putt it.

• 1:30:24Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 1:30:25Speaker 02

  Um, I bet we get Bryson DeChambeau to come out and play as a fourth with us.

• 1:30:28Speaker 01

  We need a fourth. Let's get Bryson.

• 1:30:30Speaker 02

  We have Bryson, me, you, Mark.

• 1:30:33Speaker 01

  Dude, I'm feeling a Netflix special.

• 1:30:37Speaker 02

  I think this is-

• 1:30:38Speaker 01

  I'm feeling this is a Netflix special, actually.

• 1:30:40Speaker 02

  I bet he, I think Mark has a tequila. He does. Los Pantalones or something.

• 1:30:46Speaker 01

  That's not- No, that's hilarious. It's not Los Pantalones.

• 1:30:49Speaker 02

  It's not Los Pantalones. It's like that, though. It's like that.

• 1:30:50Speaker 01

  That is really amazing.

• 1:30:51Speaker 02

  La Corazon.

• 1:30:52Speaker 01

  Los Pantalones.

• 1:30:54Speaker 02

  Fletchazul.

• 1:30:56Speaker 01

  I like Los Pantalones.

• 1:30:58Speaker 02

  Fletchazul is Spanish for the right-handed. The right-hander, right? No?

• 1:31:02Speaker 01

  The old right. Los Pantalones.

• 1:31:05Speaker 02

  Los Pantalones. And then, is it just 24 Hours with Mark Wahlberg? Do we get in and out of there? Do we spend the night again? Or we just get the fuck out?

• 1:31:14Speaker 01

  There's something great about the phrase 24 Hours with Mark Wahlberg is really good.

• 1:31:18Speaker 02

  By the way, there's a great, hold on one second. You are pitching a great Netflix series.

• 1:31:22Speaker 01

  I'm saying-

• 1:31:22Speaker 02

  Just 24 Hours, and me and you go spend 24 hours-

• 1:31:25Speaker 01

  Butch Cassidy. We're the modern Butch Cassidy.

• 1:31:27Speaker 02

  Alright, let's do our-

• 1:31:27Speaker 01

  It's all come full circle.

• 1:31:28Speaker 02

  Let's do our list of 24 Hours with, okay? 24 Hours with Mark Wahlberg, easy peasy, no-brainer.

• 1:31:34Speaker 01

  24 Hours with Tom Cruise.

• 1:31:35Speaker 02

  Okay, we're in. I'm fucking in.

• 1:31:38Speaker 01

  It'll never happen, but you never know.

• 1:31:40Speaker 02

  Uh, I just want, this is what I want. Tom, obviously, you know Rob. Rob can vouch for me. I will creep you out at times, but not a ton. But I just want the time when they're, when we're in the gym with Tom Cruise. We get done the workout, and this is the shot. And this is the, okay? His security detail going, "RLTC and BK are heading up for the showers."

• 1:32:05Speaker 01

  That's right. Yep, that's, that is how it goes down, because I've seen that.

• 1:32:08Speaker 02

  Really?

• 1:32:09Speaker 01

  TC's ready to get on the plane.

• 1:32:11Speaker 02

  What would we do with Tom Cruise? Will we run race cars?

• 1:32:13Speaker 01

  Oh, you have to be careful, because he'll have us doing fucking climbing K2.

• 1:32:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, like free-

• 1:32:18Speaker 01

  And I don't want to, I don't want to go to base camp.

• 1:32:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, I don't want to die.

• 1:32:22Speaker 01

  Do any of that shit. No.

• 1:32:23Speaker 02

  He's not gonna die, but I'll be the dude that dies in the thing.

• 1:32:25Speaker 01

  Would you go in, in the acrobat plane with Tom? Tom's flying it. He's like, "Let's go do some aerial maneuvers." Would you do it?

• 1:32:33Speaker 02

  Yes, I will. Yes.

• 1:32:35Speaker 01

  You would?

• 1:32:35Speaker 02

  Yes, I don't want to, but yes, I mean, for our show, I will.

• 1:32:38Speaker 01

  I think you have to do it only because what's the worst scenario? We die, and it's the most famous thing that's ever happened in the history of the entertainment business.

• 1:32:49Speaker 02

  For me.

• 1:32:50Speaker 01

  Right?

• 1:32:50Speaker 02

  I die with two fucking legends. Do you know how fucking great that would be for my profile?

• 1:32:55Speaker 01

  Dude.

• 1:32:55Speaker 02

  Like, my digital footprint after this, my daughter could do documentaries about me.

• 1:32:58Speaker 01

  It'd be like the day the music died, Buddy Holly. It'd make that look like a non-event.

• 1:33:03Speaker 02

  Easy, easy, easy. Okay, stunt pilot with Tom Cruise.

• 1:33:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:33:07Speaker 02

  Okay?

• 1:33:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:33:09Speaker 02

  Full workout, eat with them. I go, I go, I'm being serious. I'll go, I'll get fucking, I'll do that.

• 1:33:15Speaker 01

  Do we want to do, we need, we need, well, a day with Mick Jagger?

• 1:33:24Speaker 01

  As he's prepping for the tour?

• 1:33:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:33:26Speaker 01

  He's in his Capizio dance shoes.

• 1:33:28Speaker 02

  Fuck, yeah.

• 1:33:29Speaker 01

  Dancing in front of a mirror for 15 hours and singing Stone songs?

• 1:33:33Speaker 02

  I would love, I would love to do Mick Jagger, Tom. This, I don't know why someone doesn't buy this show. Look at our talent list. Me and Mick Jagger. I mean, this is a goldmine. I can call Netflix right now. Shaquille O'Neal, I can get that one to really happen.

• 1:33:47Speaker 01

  Shaq is a great, I mean, there's, there's a lot of guys that have interesting lives.

• 1:33:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, the thing is, is like, you watch these kids replicate, I'm, I gotta get you out of here. You have a meeting, you gotta go do Tom, but it's okay. Bobby Lee's still sound asleep.

• 1:34:00Speaker 01

  Bobby Lee's asleep still.

• 1:34:02Speaker 02

  What's crazy is like, you have an interesting life, and I have an interesting life, but these people have very unique lives. And when you watch kids, to go back to like, replicating charisma-

• 1:34:12Speaker 01

  Oh, you know, we need to do a Formula One driver. Because those people have freakish lives.

• 1:34:16Speaker 02

  Yeah. Oh, the fucking Spanish dude.

• 1:34:20Speaker 01

  Well, who's the one I played golf with? He, I think he, he, he's McLaren guy.

• 1:34:26Speaker 02

  Really?

• 1:34:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know, but I played golf with, with a great, I don't know enough about Formula One.

• 1:34:34Speaker 02

  Are we playing golf with a lot of these people?

• 1:34:37Speaker 01

  If they play golf, we should play golf.

• 1:34:38Speaker 02

  Can I tell you who I'd really like to do? Okay, now here's the deal.

• 1:34:40Speaker 01

  Steph Curry, he's great, but yeah.

• 1:34:42Speaker 02

  Steph Curry's, I heard he's an incredible golfer.

• 1:34:44Speaker 01

  He's incredible.

• 1:34:45Speaker 02

  By the way, I, I, I'm like late to the game on Steph Curry. Like, you know, he, because he's, I think he's-

• 1:34:50Speaker 01

  Same. He was so good. I was like, when people were so good, like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah." Why do I do that? It's like, he's clearly the best to ever play.

• 1:34:57Speaker 02

  The internet's changed it where everything looks like everyone's good. And you're not getting a free, like, look, here's the deal. When I was a kid, I knew James Worthy was pretty good. But he wasn't the greatest that ever played. He was just James Worthy. Kurt Rambis was just Kurt Rambis. Today, if it was Kurt Rambis, there would be a highlight reel around him. And because he had the goggles, the glasses on, and he was white, and he was gangly, you'd be like, "Who the fuck is this legend?"

• 1:35:21Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 1:35:21Speaker 02

  And that, so the internet can make anyone really great.

• 1:35:24Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 1:35:25Speaker 02

  And, but they, they're just edits, edits. And then you look at a body of work, and the internet can make-

• 1:35:30Speaker 01

  That's, you got it. That's the problem with, with all content today, is it's so in your face that it makes me go, "I'll be the judge of that, thank you."

• 1:35:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:35:42Speaker 01

  And then you go and you see

• 1:35:46Speaker 01

  Steph play in person, or you go and you see Patrick Mahomes play in person, and you go, "Holy fuck." These guys are, Shohei Ohtani. And, and you see-

• 1:35:58Speaker 02

  Shohei Ohtani is, is, is my definition of, of greatness, in my opinion. I don't think we'll ever get a baseball player better than that.

• 1:36:07Speaker 01

  But he, that, last year in the playoffs, he pitched eight innings and hit three home runs, one of them out of the stadium in one game. It's insane.

• 1:36:18Speaker 01

  Out of the stadium. The pitcher. It's, it's unreal. It's so good.

• 1:36:23Speaker 02

  I would love to do a day with Shohei Ohtani.

• 1:36:24Speaker 01

  I was gonna pitch that.

• 1:36:26Speaker 02

  But I know it would be tough, because we don't speak Japanese.

• 1:36:28Speaker 01

  It's, I think it might turn into a very long day, because of the language barrier.

• 1:36:32Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no, no, no. It's a lot of me and you guessing what he's saying.

• 1:36:35Speaker 01

  Oh, that's great. How about we don't have the interpreter?

• 1:36:38Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 1:36:39Speaker 01

  How about that?

• 1:36:39Speaker 02

  No one wants the interpreter these days.

• 1:36:42Speaker 01

  How about that? No interpreter?

• 1:36:43Speaker 02

  No interpreter. Just me, you, and Shohei Ohtani.

• 1:36:46Speaker 01

  Just trying to figure out for an hour what we're eating for lunch.

• 1:36:49Speaker 02

  Rob, I think he wants to go swimming.

• 1:36:50Speaker 01

  No, I don't think he said that. No, no.

• 1:36:52Speaker 02

  I think he's putting on a bathing suit. No, no, no, he's just taking a shower. Oh, fuck, we're in the room with him.

• 1:36:57Speaker 01

  Let's do that.

• 1:37:00Speaker 02

  I'm gonna have-

• 1:37:01Speaker 01

  Oh, here's the thing that I don't understand. Here's really what we need to do.

• 1:37:04Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:37:05Speaker 01

  And I'm not, actually not kidding about this.

• 1:37:07Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:37:08Speaker 01

  Because they've talked to me about it a little bit.

• 1:37:09Speaker 02

  I'm going, I'm just, I'm gonna be very clear. I'm gonna have my team write this up, send it to your team, and then I'm just gonna send it to Netflix and go, "Can we please do this show?" I'm, we can-

• 1:37:18Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:37:19Speaker 02

  And, and, and we'll say, whatever, we'll, we'll do something, like, I think it's such a great-

• 1:37:24Speaker 01

  No, no, it's a great idea. We, we have to do it. Um, here's the other thing is, how have we not done our, our National Anthem bit at the baseball playoffs?

• 1:37:35Speaker 02

  Buddy. Ladies and gentlemen, here to sing the National Anthem from the new movie musical, and from Free Bird, and also from Free Bird.

• 1:37:46Speaker 01

  But did, but isn't the bit that we don't know that it's me? That, that I come out and surprise, isn't that what we did in Santa Barbara?

• 1:37:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, but, but I, I, so wait, so you want to do it, you want to do it? Okay, so do you want to do it like, did you see the guy with the trombone do it this weekend?

• 1:38:00Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:38:02Speaker 02

  It was amazing. He's got a trump, not a trombone, maybe a trumpet, or like a trombone, whatever. Did you see it? And it breaks in the middle, goes, "Mimi, mimi," and then he goes, "By the dawn's-

• 1:38:15Speaker 01

  Oh, amazing. People went fucking berserk, right?

• 1:38:19Speaker 02

  Okay. Now, listen, if you're seeing this, don't spoiler alert this for the NSL, NCLS-

• 1:38:24Speaker 01

  It's what we did in Santa Barbara.

• 1:38:26Speaker 02

  Let me pitch your idea to you.

• 1:38:28Speaker 01

  Okay, yes. That's a great-

• 1:38:31Speaker 02

  Ladies and gentlemen, here to sing the National Anthem. Bert Kreischer, mediocre applause. Not, it's not gonna be, it's not gonna be, that's not, this is part of the sell.

• 1:38:43Speaker 01

  No, that's gonna-

• 1:38:43Speaker 02

  Hear me, hear me out, hear me out. Shirts on, right, Dodger shirt. I go out and I start it, and my mic cuts out.

• 1:38:56Speaker 02

  And you come out with your mic and another mic in your hand, and you hand it to me, and we finish the National Anthem together. And ever, because, and it's a real moment. I'm like,

• 1:39:10Speaker 02

  and I'm tapping it, and then you come running out, and you have two mics, and you're like, "Oh, sick."

• 1:39:19Speaker 02

  We should, we should try it, like, we should dry-run it, like a minor league baseball game?

• 1:39:24Speaker 01

  We're running out of time.

• 1:39:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, we are.

• 1:39:27Speaker 01

  We're running out of time.

• 1:39:28Speaker 02

  We should get, we'll reach out to the Dodgers. We should do that. That would be great.

• 1:39:33Speaker 01

  Right?

• 1:39:34Speaker 02

  What?

• 1:39:36Speaker 01

  Savannah Bananas, but then, see, the problem with Savannah Bananas is, you're, you're already primed for high jinks.

• 1:39:43Speaker 02

  They know something's up. The thing with the, with National Baseball League is they go, "That'd be great," and then Shohei Ohtani comes out and sings the rest in Japanese.

• 1:39:52Speaker 01

  Or,

• 1:39:55Speaker 01

  I wonder if they're so, if it's so sacrosanct that, that MLB won't let us do it.

• 1:40:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, it is weird. People do get weird about the National Anthem.

• 1:40:06Speaker 01

  But not your mic going out. Well, they did the Trump thing.

• 1:40:10Speaker 02

  When they find out, when they find out it's a bit we've been practicing, they're gonna be like, "Ah."

• 1:40:16Speaker 01

  The good thing is, is I have seats. I'm traditionally in the seats right there.

• 1:40:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:40:22Speaker 01

  So I could literally come out of my seat and be right there

• 1:40:28Speaker 01

  for you. Like, it would take me all of 30-

• 1:40:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:40:32Speaker 01

  I just hop the fucking thing and be there.

• 1:40:34Speaker 02

  Would be wild if you had to climb all the way up over the net and then back down the net.

• 1:40:37Speaker 01

  Oh, how if I climbed the foul net?

• 1:40:40Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 1:40:41Speaker 01

  And just goes on forever. Like, I love comedy bits. They'd go on forever.

• 1:40:48Speaker 02

  Hold on. He looks like he has two mics in his hand. He's climbing up. Whoa, he's losing his footing, ladies and gentlemen. He just took his shoes off.

• 1:40:57Speaker 01

  Just, "Hey, Burt, just one. I'm up. Hang on." Just a-

• 1:41:04Speaker 01

  Still climbing.

• 1:41:05Speaker 02

  Two, two, 24 Hours of Robin Burt. That's such a great show. And by the way, you know-

• 1:41:13Speaker 01

  I like the way he gave me for spilling. Let's not reneg on that.

• 1:41:16Speaker 02

  Don't worry.

• 1:41:20Speaker 02

  The, the, you should, I don't know how you haven't done a show called The Lowdown.

• 1:41:25Speaker 01

  I know, right? I have the low-down line on my podcast, but I've never, you know why? Because it was, I felt like it was, is it too low-hanging fruit? No pun intended. Low-hanging fruit?

• 1:41:34Speaker 02

  Fruit.

• 1:41:35Speaker 01

  Now!

• 1:41:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:41:37Speaker 01

  Oh, low-hanging fruit.

• 1:41:39Speaker 02

  Where you go into gay bars.

• 1:41:41Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:41:41Speaker 02

  And you're just hanging out with like, low-hanging fruit, and it's like the ugliest guy at the gay bar. The, wait, what is, what-

• 1:41:47Speaker 01

  I try to pick up the hottest guy at a gay bar. Low-hanging fruit.

• 1:41:52Speaker 02

  Oh, wow.

• 1:41:55Speaker 02

  These are, these are gold mines. I am writing up 24 Hours of Bert and Rob, Rob and Bert. The, uh, what was I gonna say? I had a thought that I wanted to share and I can't remember it now. Fuck.

• 1:42:09Speaker 01

  It was about low hanging fruit.

• 1:42:10Speaker 02

  It was right around there. It was right about our show. I don't know. I wanted to pay your son a compliment. We were at a party. I can't remember where it was and I knew he was your son and we were with a bunch of celebrities and it was Ted Sarandos's house.

• 1:42:29Speaker 02

  And people were casually like, kind of, you could see, I, I, I call it like, uh, ego maxing. Like you could tell, and I'm bad at it. I'm really bad at it. Like, cause I have a low self-esteem. And so people were kind of like saying who they are and what they've done and what they do and who they've talked to and, you know, did you know Eddie Murphy's here? And your son did none of that. Do you know what he did? He listened and smiled and chimed in and was so pleasant. And, and as I, and he walked away and I was like, do you know what I would have said if I was him?

• 1:43:02Speaker 01

  What would you have said?

• 1:43:02Speaker 02

  I would have fucking been like, do you know who I am? Do you know who the fuck I am? I'm fucking, I had a meeting the other day where the guy was like, you know, Bert, I don't know what size venues you do, but hopefully one day you'll get into theaters. And I went,

• 1:43:18Speaker 02

  and my wife's like, I'll stop this in the bud. He does arenas. All right, let's get, and I was like,

• 1:43:23Speaker 01

  Oh my god.

• 1:43:24Speaker 02

  My self-esteem's so low, I can't help it. I wish more people wouldn't, would see this clip right here and go, oh, I can identify with that as opposed to, you're gross. And you're like, oh, we're all gross. We're all fucking gross.

• 1:43:34Speaker 01

  No, I, I, by the way, you just tapped on one of my favorite things is when people give you career advice and they don't know what they're talking about in terms of what you've already accomplished.

• 1:43:47Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:43:47Speaker 01

  I had, I'll never forget it. I had a guy up in where I live who's like a big businessman and knows the world, knows shit. And he said, you know, I just have some advice for you. And I was like, great. He goes, you know what you should really consider doing? I mean, I, I don't know if it, if it would even be a possibility, but if you could do it, you really should think about being on Dancing with the Stars. And I fucking wanted to, I don't know if I wanted to kill him first or kill myself. And, but, but that's the same thing as like, you should get into theaters. Like, it's like, ah, I've played out the enormous dome.

• 1:44:28Speaker 02

  I was, I, I, I'm so bad with that. Like, and I wish I was better. Like my dad, your son, like are types of people that, that doesn't drive them. They don't care about what you think about them. They know who they are inside.

• 1:44:41Speaker 01

  Right, right.

• 1:44:41Speaker 02

  My dad is that. My dad really is that. Um, and I am.

• 1:44:46Speaker 01

  I love that. Well, thank you about my son Johnny. He's, both my boys are.

• 1:44:50Speaker 02

  It was so, it was so interesting because I was watching it happen. I was watching everyone do it. I'm sure I was a part of it too. I'm sure if he told you the story, he's like, Bert started it. But, but he was just very casually comfortable in his skin and not, didn't have to be like, oh, yeah, I have a series on Netflix too. Yeah, I mean, yeah. What are we doing here?

• 1:45:12Speaker 01

  That's sweet. That's good.

• 1:45:13Speaker 02

  Yeah. It's a, it's a real testament is the kids you raise is like a real reflection of who the fuck you actually are. You know, like, um, like my daughters are great. I don't know if that's a reflection of me. It's more a reflection of Leanne.

• 1:45:26Speaker 01

  Usually it's more a reflection of mom.

• 1:45:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, my.

• 1:45:28Speaker 01

  We stipulate.

• 1:45:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, I.

• 1:45:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:45:30Speaker 02

  I phoned it in.

• 1:45:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly. You and me both.

• 1:45:33Speaker 02

  Yeah. Uh, this has been a great podcast. We've got a new TV show coming out.

• 1:45:38Speaker 01

  New TV show coming out soon.

• 1:45:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, we're, I'm gonna have them write it up and just send it over.

• 1:45:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:45:43Speaker 02

  And be like, and then I, listen,

• 1:45:47Speaker 02

  there's a big thing on Netflix right now that they're doing shorts. Have you seen this? 10 minute shorts. A lot of them are from Architectural Digest, um, from, uh, from GQ.

• 1:45:59Speaker 01

  Wait, is this, is this the only thing? Hi, welcome to my house. Is it that?

• 1:46:03Speaker 02

  I'm gonna, I want everyone to, if you're gonna watch any part of this, it's right now.

• 1:46:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, okay, great.

• 1:46:08Speaker 02

  The greatest piece of entertainment that's ever been made. And then, look, I've talked a lot, ad nauseam about some things that are some hits and misses.

• 1:46:18Speaker 02

  Usher's showing of his house is the greatest thing I've ever seen in my life. I might, I might do a breakdown of it today of how brilliant it is. It's on Netflix.

• 1:46:28Speaker 01

  Oh, I'm definitely gonna watch this.

• 1:46:29Speaker 02

  It starts, it starts with him in his car. Clearly, so clearly they, they said to everyone, you know, Gwyneth Paltrow's on there. There's a lot of really great ones. Uh, Kendall Jenner, one of the Jenners is on there. And they're like, they're like, say to them, you know, you know, we want to do like a cribs, for lack of better words, a cribs for you.

• 1:46:46Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 1:46:47Speaker 02

  And, you know, Gwyneth Paltrow, you can see her thumbprint. She wants to show that she, you know, cooks and that she has beautiful taste. She does have beautiful taste.

• 1:46:54Speaker 01

  Yep. I've seen, I've seen the Gwyneth one. Yeah.

• 1:46:56Speaker 02

  And then, and same with, uh, uh,

• 1:46:59Speaker 01

  Kendall.

• 1:46:59Speaker 02

  No, Beniflex, oh, oh.

• 1:47:01Speaker 01

  Jen Garner.

• 1:47:02Speaker 02

  Jen Garner.

• 1:47:02Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:47:03Speaker 02

  Jen Garner's got great taste. Um, she wants to let you know that she reads and that her kids read. There's a, you can, and I say that because you can tell the things that they, they want you to know about them.

• 1:47:14Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:47:15Speaker 02

  And, and which is, which is totally, it's totally fair. But as a viewer, I, I find that the most interesting.

• 1:47:21Speaker 01

  100%.

• 1:47:21Speaker 02

  When they go, let me show you my garden. They want you to know that they do in fact garden.

• 1:47:25Speaker 01

  Let me show you where I meditate. Oh, they want you to know that they're, you know, evolved.

• 1:47:31Speaker 02

  Usher starts with him in a car and then it comes to reveal the car's parked and it's a close up shot, like a drone shot of him that goes to his front door and he is standing in a leather unitard with a cigar and the cigars in an ashtray. So, I'm just very clear, it, I smoke cigars.

• 1:47:54Speaker 01

  Me too.

• 1:47:54Speaker 02

  Never do I carry an ashtray with me with my cigar if I'm outside.

• 1:47:57Speaker 01

  God, my, my wife would love it if I did.

• 1:48:00Speaker 02

  But he's holding on to a fucking crystal ashtray. And he doesn't acknowledge the camera. And then he just walks in. He walks in. This is the greatest thing. It's a single shot. It's a fucking tracking shot. And he walks into his kitchen, hands on the counter, thinks for a second, same leather unitard, halfway zipped, goes over to the sink, gets a glass of water, takes a sip, puts it down and keeps walking. And it is clear that Usher decided he would show you who he is. There are no less than eight costume changes within it.

• 1:48:29Speaker 01

  Amazing.

• 1:48:29Speaker 02

  There's no addressing the camera. At no point does he tell you about the room. He's showing you. He shows you the room and what he does in there. For instance, his son is in his pajamas, playing piano quite well. I gotta say he's a great, and Usher's in a white tuxedo standing behind him nodding.

• 1:48:46Speaker 01

  A white tuxedo?

• 1:48:48Speaker 02

  Rob, it's the greatest thing I've ever seen in my life. I watch it. I watch it. I watch it once a day.

• 1:48:52Speaker 01

  Oh, I'm gonna be watching this immediately. You kidding me?

• 1:48:55Speaker 02

  He gets back in the car for no reason. He's back in the car, just driving and then back in the house. His whole family is dressed like they're going to a cotillion of some sort and then they all jump in the pool in those outfits.

• 1:49:08Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 1:49:08Speaker 02

  It is the wildest, yet so artistically driven. When I say there's zero AI in this, it is Usher. You get Usher, shows you what Usher, beautiful house. Absolutely beautiful house. I assume in Atlanta, very well decorated. I mean, well, there's some, I have some notes, like there's.

• 1:49:28Speaker 01

  There's always gonna be notes.

• 1:49:29Speaker 02

  Takes you into a room and there's an orb and he stands in front of the orb for a little bit. You're like, what the fuck? And then he leaves, never explains it. Rob is so great.

• 1:49:38Speaker 01

  The orb.

• 1:49:39Speaker 02

  That I go, if you, if Netflix lets me do it.

• 1:49:42Speaker 01

  I bet Cruz has a Scientology orb.

• 1:49:44Speaker 02

  I bet he does.

• 1:49:45Speaker 01

  He does.

• 1:49:46Speaker 02

  I just, I just, okay, I wanna, I just want Tom to know that we are a safe place. Say to me, uh, like just so that, like a little role play. So, um, uh, you be Tom Cruise.

• 1:49:57Speaker 01

  Okay. Hang on.

• 1:50:00Speaker 02

  And then say something Scientology. Oh my God. Say something Scientology so I can show them how I'll play ball. Okay. Like, uh, like, like maybe I want to get tested or something.

• 1:50:10Speaker 01

  You want to get tested?

• 1:50:11Speaker 02

  I'm up for anything. Tom, you know, I think if you find solace in anything, that's what's important.

• 1:50:17Speaker 01

  You know, Bert, I, I just want to hear people's stories. I just want to learn. I just want, I just want.

• 1:50:21Speaker 02

  That's all I want to do, Tom. I just want to tell my story. I don't want to hear your story. I want to tell my story.

• 1:50:26Speaker 01

  You want to tell your story?

• 1:50:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:50:27Speaker 01

  Cause I'm interested in movies. You know, you gotta go to the theaters. You gotta have movies. It's a communal experience. That's what I'm interested. That's what, that's what, that's what turns me on.

• 1:50:34Speaker 02

  Other filmmakers.

• 1:50:35Speaker 01

  I'm interested in other filmmakers.

• 1:50:37Speaker 02

  Look at this camera.

• 1:50:38Speaker 01

  That was, was that good?

• 1:50:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was really good. That was really good. That was really good.

• 1:50:42Speaker 01

  Dude, we, I'm, I'm telling you, we have too much footage here. This is a two parter.

• 1:50:47Speaker 02

  You know what I would love? I would love a 101 interview with you and Tom Cruise. Like, like legit, because I really think because you've known him.

• 1:50:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, I've been trying to get him. He, you know, he just doesn't do much of it and he.

• 1:50:58Speaker 02

  Get to the nuts and bolts of like, going through like tit for tat of, of where you were in life and what was happening to you. And when, like, when he made decisions to lean heavy into religion versus lean heavy into relationship, like I would love that. And I think only someone like you, who I think he trusts in that he would have the conversation and know that if it doesn't turn out right, you wouldn't air it. Like, I would love that.

• 1:51:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, cause I, he's, dude, he's the greatest. I mean, he's.

• 1:51:27Speaker 02

  He's worth every single fucking penny.

• 1:51:28Speaker 01

  He's so funny. He's so, Jerry Maguire is one of the great movies of all time.

• 1:51:34Speaker 02

  He has access to touch into so many things that we feel. He's, he's really phenomenal. I gotta get you the fuck out of here. I love you to death. Congratulations on the new movie and congratulations on our new series, 24 Hours with Rob and Bert.

• 1:51:47Speaker 01

  Coming soon. Streaming soon.

• 1:51:48Speaker 02

  Streaming soon on Netflix.

• 1:51:50Speaker 01

  Dropping soon.

• 1:51:50Speaker 02

  Can't fucking wait. I got a call with Netflix today. I can't wait.

• 1:51:54Speaker 01

  We're in.

• 1:51:55Speaker 02

  I love you, buddy.

• 1:51:55Speaker 03

  Bert and Tom, Tom and Bert. One goes topless while the other wears a shirt. Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean. Here's what we call two bears, one cave.

• 1:52:19Speaker 04

  From the studio that brought you WandaVision.

• 1:52:21Speaker 05

  I was an Avenger, but I'm not a hero anymore.

• 1:52:27Speaker 04

  The Vision returns for the final chapter of the groundbreaking trilogy.

• 1:52:31Speaker 05

  That family wasn't real.

• 1:52:33Speaker 04

  You sure about that? I had a father called Vision.

• 1:52:35Speaker 05

  How is this possible?

• 1:52:38Speaker 04

  Don't miss the two episode premiere of Marvel Television's Vision Quest. Nothing bonds a family together quite like mortal jeopardy. Now streaming only on Disney Plus.