Bonus #144 - Greg's Day Out Vol. 3 [PATREON PREVIEW]

Patreon preview. Unlock full episode at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Greg Stone and Anthony Devito are back for another edition of Greg sneaking away to Astoria to shirk familial duties, in what we’ve determined (by our very exacting calculations) to be the third volume of a series we’re retroactively dubbing GREG’S DAY OUT. Greg, Anthony and Stav lament how the pod is moving studios (spoiler alert: we’re not yet), debate whether money or family is more richly fulfilling, reminisce on their worst memories of living in Astoria and the pests they endured, talk about Epstein for a long time, and pursue many other rich threads while Eldis sets up a fan because the studio’s too damn hot. The boys help callers including a woman whose long-term boyfriend has gotten so comfortable that he doesn’t know how to switch from goofy to sexy when it’s time for intimacy, and a guy whose coworker is pissed that he revealed to their whole office that he’s in AA. Follow Greg Stone on social media: https://www.gregfstone.com/ https://twitter.com/GregStone_ http://instagram.com/gregfstone https://www.facebook.com/GregStonecomedy/ https://www.youtube.com/@GregStonecomedy Follow Anthony Devito on social media: http://www.anthonydevitocomedy.com/ http://www.facebook.com/1260596015 https://twitter.com/AnthonyDeVito_ http://instagram.com/comediananthonydevito https://www.youtube.com/@comediananthonydevito 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets 🎥 Rent or buy LET'S START A CULT at https://stavvy.biz/movie ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld ☎️ Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Time for a quick break to talk about McDonald's. It's the tangiest time of the year. For a limited time, head to McDonald's and get a McRib sandwich. Make it a meal by adding a medium fries and a soft drink like an ice cold Diet Dr. Pepper. So grab a McRib sandwich and embrace the tang. Save time by ordering ahead on the app. At participating McDonald's for a limited time. Dr. Pepper is a registered trademark of Dr. Pepper, 7-Up Inc.

• 0:26Speaker 01

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• 0:54Speaker 02

  Hey, Stavros.

• 0:55Stavros Halkias?

  Pizza brain.

• 0:56Speaker 02

  Uh, I've been with my boyfriend for eight years. She said, "Hey, Stavros." I want to be with him forever.

• 1:01Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know. You heard pizza brain.

• 1:04Speaker 04

  Is this the one time the transcript has been corrected?

• 1:06Stavros Halkias?

  Has gotten my name. It's literally the only time the transcript has said, has written my name correctly. And you said pizza brain.

• 1:13Speaker 04

  I thought you said, "Hey, pizza brain."

• 1:14Stavros Halkias?

  It's a new character in one of Greg's screenplays. I like, yeah, that does sound very...

• 1:20Speaker 04

  Uh, let's talk pepperoni.

• 1:22Stavros Halkias?

  All right.

• 1:22Speaker 02

  Hey, Stavros.

• 1:23Stavros Halkias?

  Pizza brain!

• 1:24Speaker 02

  Uh, I've been with my boyfriend for eight years.

• 1:27Stavros Halkias?

  Could've more clearly said, "Stavros."

• 1:28Speaker 02

  I've been with him a lot. I want to be with him forever. Uh, he's my first long-term, monogamous partner, so I don't have much experience to compare the ebbs and flows of a sexual relationship to. Um, I want to have a conversation with him about our sex life, and I would love some advice on how to approach this.

• 1:49Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:50Speaker 02

  We are both fairly goofy dumbasses, which is great. Um, you know, we crack each other up and have a good time together. But the issue is, I feel like we're so comfortable joking around, it has started to infringe on when it's

• 2:05Stavros Halkias?

  I've mastered this, I'm ready.

• 2:06Speaker 02

  horny.

• 2:07Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 2:08Speaker 02

  Like-

• 2:09Stavros Halkias?

  Too goofy, gotcha, okay, keep going, all this.

• 2:10Speaker 02

  In the beginning, I feel like we were a little more sexy, subtle when initiating sex and maybe in the last year or so, it's kinda like no transition from silly mode to being hot.

• 2:22Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 2:23Speaker 02

  Like, once he's aroused, I feel like his approach is almost expecting me to match his level of arousal, like, immediately.

• 2:31Stavros Halkias?

  Gotcha.

• 2:32Speaker 02

  And my body can't catch up that fast.

• 2:33Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 2:34Speaker 02

  Um, and he'll also still be acting dumb, like, for example,

• 2:39Stavros Halkias?

  I love, I can't remember this example.

• 2:41Speaker 02

  He'll come up to me and just kinda present his erection to me, or like thump it on whatever surface I'm Ah! Or-

• 2:47Stavros Halkias?

  What you saying?

• 2:48Speaker 02

  Like, it's-

• 2:48Stavros Halkias?

  Dude, this is hysterical. She says, for example, he'll just, if he's hard, he'll just be like, he'll just point at his hard dick, or this, my favorite one is, thump it on whatever surface she's on. So if she's at the counter, putting away dishes, he'll just be like, dong, dong, dong, time to get my dick, so, you know, you know what'd be good? Get a bell, ring your, ring a bell with your hard dick.

• 3:11Speaker 04

  It's like a menacing jail guard tapping the steak on the bars.

• 3:16Stavros Halkias?

  Time for chow! Get on down to the mess hall, girl!

• 3:25Stavros Halkias?

  It's really funny to do that and then it's actually expected moments later. Like, it's funny to do that and then be like, alright, I'm fucking around, then maybe make out for a second? But she's talking about he'll go from these little dick-based jokes, which I do have to tip my cap to him for, but, you know, this can't be your, the way you're into sex every single time. Let's let, let's let her finish.

• 3:47Speaker 04

  He's gotta do the voice, at least. If he puts his dick on a table, he's gotta go, hey, it's me! I'm feeling pretty dry, I'm gonna sleep. You know, and then she makes him suck, and goes, okay, and you gotta keep doing the voice.

• 3:58Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right. Damn it. Oh, I'm about to nut.

• 4:02Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:03Stavros Halkias?

  Um, let's, let's let her finish then we'll go into this, but it is fun.

• 4:06Speaker 02

  Sent his erection to me or like thump it on whatever surface I'm sure. Or like instead of trying to set a sexy mood, he'll just start like blowing in my ears because he knows it annoys me or like tickling my rib cage and it's not hot. It's almost like 14 year old behavior and I don't know where it's coming from or how to just act more genuinely set to a whole connection. Um, I just want to be aroused before the touching even starts, not getting into it after he's already started touching me, if that makes sense.

• 4:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 4:39Speaker 02

  Um, it almost hurts my feelings because I feel like he's sort of stopped listening to my body and I just don't want this new pattern to continue. I actually get a little emotional when I think of even bringing it up. So any advice on how to keep the conversation fairly light? And on track to busting much nut is much appreciated. Thanks, guys.

• 5:01Stavros Halkias?

  Um, I see where she's coming from. This is like, like, yeah, go ahead.

• 5:06Speaker 04

  We've all lived this life. But no, no, you, I'm just saying.

• 5:07Stavros Halkias?

  Please, Greg. Yeah, go ahead. I got, I'll, I'll, I'll, I got my take on it, but please.

• 5:11Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, I wasn't trying. I'm sorry. Uh, anyway, this is what every comedian does this. Though we've been too, we've been funny. We know how to be funny.

• 5:18Stavros Halkias?

  I don't do this, by the way.

• 5:19Speaker 04

  No, no, I think, okay, maybe you didn't.

• 5:20Stavros Halkias?

  Cause to me, I want, I don't want, this is the one part of my life. I don't want to be fun. Like, I'm funny every other time. Can't I just get a nut? Like, you know what I mean?

• 5:30Speaker 04

  But I know what you mean. Funny people have a harder time being vulnerable, is where I'm going with this, right? And he's like, so I think he's scared to be vulnerable. So you gotta be like, and there's also a huge, there's a way, like, people don't realize too, there's a, there is a humorly way, I've been with a woman for a very long time, to also be hot, right? Like, my wife, I like to throw this out there, my wife's ex-boyfriend texted her last week and she was like,

• 5:52Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 5:55Stavros Halkias?

  Maybe you should call in. We've had a few of those calls.

• 6:00Speaker 04

  But she was like, she told me, you know, she was like, yo, man, this guy sucked.

• 6:04Stavros Halkias?

  What a fucking idiot. I'm gonna go make fun of him to his face for a little bit. You can watch the kids, right?

• 6:12Stavros Halkias?

  I'm gonna go tell him off.

• 6:14Speaker 04

  She was like, she was like, I wanna fuck my ex-boyfriend. I'm like, hey, I love you. Whatever you wanna do, dog. Does that make you happy? Alright, whatever.

• 6:22Stavros Halkias?

  A broken, defeated man.

• 6:24Speaker 04

  Again, where you think it's negative, it's elevated.

• 6:27Stavros Halkias?

  I actually do agree with you.

• 6:28Speaker 04

  It's a lever of elevation where I'm like, I'm so confident and clear and want what I want for you that that is your happy life.

• 6:34Stavros Halkias?

  That actually is beautiful.

• 6:35Speaker 04

  You know what I mean? Go do your happy life. That being said, there's a way, like, so he did, and my wife, like, was suddenly, like, super turned on. She was like, oh, man, you're, I forgot how amazing you were, you know, we've been together so long. And then, you know, it's going.

• 6:46Stavros Halkias?

  About you.

• 6:47Speaker 04

  About me.

• 6:48Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, awesome.

• 6:48Speaker 04

  And then, so then I was like, bring her the thunder, and I was like, yeah, he's gonna keep calling. Yeah, tell him to text again, that son of a bitch, right? I was being kind of funny, but also being kind of bad. So there's like a way to be like, hey, I'm pretending to be that guy.

• 6:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 6:59Speaker 04

  Like you Colbert in bed a little bit. You know, Colbert Report, where you're like, I'm pretending to be Republican.

• 7:04Stavros Halkias?

  Not, uh, not the newly canceled.

• 7:08Speaker 04

  Yes, no, old school.

• 7:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 7:10Speaker 04

  Pretend to be funny, pretend to be, act like you're being funny, but really, you're being serious, you know?

• 7:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, I think, I think that's one way for him to edit his joking entries into getting.

• 7:22Speaker 04

  Getting into being serious.

• 7:23Stavros Halkias?

  But I think for her, it's, I think it's as simple as, sometimes this happens in relationships where it's like, you know, I think clearly this guy's just kind of taking his girlfriend for granted in a pretty standard way that might happen after a while, where it's like, he's really not putting in the effort. And I think she is hopeful that he'll just figure it out on his own. Like, this, this happens a lot where really what amounts to a pretty small problem. Like, if the third time he did this, she was like, hey, can you cut this out? This is not what, like, I'm into. Like, I wanna hook up, but like, can we, little for, little making out, little whatever? He's like, oh, yeah, my bad, I'm sorry, I'll stop.

• 8:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 8:01Stavros Halkias?

  I'll stop doing the Mr. Hanky voice for my dick.

• 8:04Speaker 04

  That's so funny.

• 8:04Stavros Halkias?

  But I think, I think. He, she, cause he did something that hurt her feelings and it probably was a little surprising. And instead of dealing with it and being like, instead of being like, oh, that sucks that you did that. It's not a big deal, but can we get over it? I think she was just hoping, because he's been a great partner for eight years and she loves him, whatever. She was hoping he would just on his own fix it.

• 8:27Speaker 04

  Right.

• 8:28Stavros Halkias?

  But this is, I mean, we're talking about eight years. I think it's pretty regular to have like a.

• 8:33Speaker 04

  An update.

• 8:33Stavros Halkias?

  To just be like, hey, like, I don't, this is not, you're trying something new here, or we've lost something that I like to do. It's like, can we get back to this? And, cause you're not even saying you don't feel like fucking. That's the.

• 8:44Speaker 04

  That's the greatest thing.

• 8:45Stavros Halkias?

  Like, you want to hook up with him. You just want a little.

• 8:48Speaker 04

  That's an easy fix.

• 8:49Stavros Halkias?

  I think it's an easy fix. It's like, look, every once in a while, are you gonna get into some goof, sex in a goofy way? Sure. But she, she's basically saying it's gone, the ratio has gone from like 20% goofy, 80% regular to like 80, 90% goofy, 10% regular. And it's like, you just gotta change those percentages, I think. But you guys, everyone here but me has been in a long-term relationship. So please, you know, feel free to, to weigh in.

• 9:16Speaker 05

  It's pretty spot on, man. I think it's actually, she's a, is a good problem to have. It means you're in a relationship that that's that lighthearted, that fun, where you've gotten to a point where it's like just bits with each other. And that's arguably the best part of a long-term relationship are these like bits you have with each other. And like you said, man, like it just, there's a point where you get so, it's so fun to do that. Where you go, oh, we'll just do that in the bedroom and it just doesn't translate there. Cause you don't, you know, you're not, you don't wanna come from a bit.

• 9:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 9:47Speaker 05

  So like you just, you just have to scale that down for that and that's it. And then you can go right back into your other stuff.

• 9:55Stavros Halkias?

  I, I, yeah.

• 9:56Speaker 04

  It's also very, very normal.

• 9:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it's super normal. This is what I mean.

• 10:00Speaker 04

  Every few years, you gotta update the fucking software. You know, whether it's being funny or it's like just not being anything at all, right? You just go, hey, let's be sexy again. You know what I mean? Let's be, let's fucking, or, or, or, or.

• 10:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 10:13Speaker 04

  She can out goofy him. That's the other way. You wanna stop being goofy? You gotta be so much more goofy.

• 10:18Stavros Halkias?

  Put a whoopee cushion in your pussy.

• 10:20Speaker 04

  He's like, yo, let's be serious now.

• 10:22Speaker 05

  He's going down on her. He's like.

• 10:26Stavros Halkias?

  Those snakes that come out of the, like popcorn thing come out of her pussy.

• 10:30Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:31Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 10:32Stavros Halkias?

  I'll just joke, it looked like you were about to weigh in or no?

• 10:35Speaker 06

  Yeah, I mean, I've definitely caught myself like, you know, after living with my wife for so long now, I guess we like lived together for five years where I just do get into like, you know, I get the zoomies or something, I get into like a goofy mode where, and you can like push that too far where it's like, wait, okay, that joke took it too far, like, I'm not living with Stav.

• 10:56Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 10:56Speaker 06

  I'm not showing like Stav my dick for a bit here, like she doesn't think shit like that is funny.

• 11:05Speaker 06

  So I need to like definitely reel it in and like, yeah, certain things are.

• 11:10Stavros Halkias?

  I think it's funny because your dick is so small, by the way. Just on record.

• 11:14Speaker 06

  Oh no, it's just funny.

• 11:15Stavros Halkias?

  No, it's because it's hilarious how little your dick is.

• 11:19Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 11:21Speaker 06

  Anyway. I, I will say too, like, in, in a long-term relationship though, like, the qual- the like nature of the sex does change a little where, I don't know, if it's like they're living together, they've been together eight years, it's like, you know, you're not hunting for sex anymore or trying to like, be suave or something like you used to, it's like, you're living in each other's lives and sharing the same problems and shit and, I don't know, I think sex like just becomes kind of like, as much an emotional check-in as it does, where it's like, you know, you have to like, if you're in a slump or something, you have to force yourself to like have it, even if you're not necessarily in the mood.

• 12:03Speaker 06

  So that's what I think of when I hear of like, what this guy's doing, but at the same time, it's like, yeah, he's fucking around too much and he is kind of like, behaving like he would with like, his boys or a roommate or something.

• 12:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. Exactly, if you could fuck your roommate, this is how you would. So like, what's up, put like, if we were gay, I would put my dick on your shoulder and you would turn around and start sucking it. Uh, and you'd love it.

• 12:30Stavros Halkias?

  I'm trying to do a puzzle. Shitting down Indian style, I put my dick on his shoulder.

• 12:44Stavros Halkias?

  So yeah, I think it really, all you're asking is that he puts in a little effort. Like, I think a lot would go, a little would go a long way. If, if it's just clear that he is, he wants to, because basically, it's just like, it's not about what you want sexually at all anymore. He, you settled into a rhythm that's like, easy for him clearly. And that's, it's not even about the jokes. It's about the fact that he's not really like, reading, he's not really reading and responding to your desires. He's kind of taking them for granted. And, and it's okay. And I think, you know, I think the reason you're getting a little emotional is because you feel kind of like he's not, he's not getting you in the, sexually anymore. And it's like, not just sexually, but like, if you,

• 13:29Stavros Halkias?

  be like, when that happens with a partner you've been with for years, that can be a little, you can feel, knee jerk, a little sad when a partner doesn't understand you fundamentally for some reason. And I think if you just said, "Hey, I really don't like this. It makes me feel this way. I rea-, you know, I'm not even turned on. It doesn't, you're completely missing, like, these signals. I'd like it if, you know, I still wanna, I still wanna have sex. I still wanna, but when you, you know, and, eh, when you, you know,

• 13:57Stavros Halkias?

  eh, start sex with it in the, in, Blue Play, what's the fucking, foreplay? Uh, initiate, yes. When you initiate sex, I'd like a little more foreplay, I'd like a little whatever. And that's fine. I don't think you even need to, you know, the next time he like, um, he pulls his dick out and he, and he, he, and then a pow, flag comes out when it's about to come. Funny if you could build that machine. That would be awesome. The next time he does something goofy, just like, "Hey, can we talk about this?" Or maybe don't even do, actually, don't do it when he's hard. Do it in a completely neutral setting. Do it when you're having like, a nice coffee, whatever. Do it in a time where you could see like, "Hey, I'm having a great afternoon." In like, 30 minutes, if we were to go like, lay down and watch a movie and he started like,

• 14:40Stavros Halkias?

  Actually initiating sex, I would be down like doing a neutral whatever and just be like, hey, this is what I've noticed. And I think you're fine. I don't think.

• 14:48Speaker 04

  You'd be like, hey, later, you want to have sex? Be as dirty as you want. Right then, he'll be dirty. He'll be told to do it. Then when he is, you really react and they're like, oh, she likes this. And then maybe that'll also.

• 14:57Stavros Halkias?

  I don't think this guy's a guy who's reading into signals.

• 14:59Speaker 04

  But it's like dogs.

• 15:00Stavros Halkias?

  I think you have to tell him.

• 15:01Speaker 04

  Okay, try this.

• 15:02Stavros Halkias?

  So specific. Go ahead.

• 15:03Speaker 04

  Every time he does really dirty, you give him a star. This is what we do with my son.

• 15:07Stavros Halkias?

  She never said dirty, by the way.

• 15:10Speaker 04

  Or like sexual or like be hot.

• 15:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, okay.

• 15:12Speaker 04

  Right? Every time he does that, he gets a star for his starch. After seven stars, he can be as silly as he wants.

• 15:18Stavros Halkias?

  He can have a goofy night.

• 15:19Speaker 04

  He gets a goofy night.

• 15:20Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 15:20Speaker 04

  You know what I mean? As goofy as goofy.

• 15:22Stavros Halkias?

  It's like a punch card.

• 15:22Speaker 04

  It's your day.

• 15:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 15:24Speaker 04

  You know what I mean?

• 15:24Stavros Halkias?

  He comes in, he's like, put the jester outfit on, bitch. I want to hear those tits jingle.

• 15:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, deliver a pizza with your dick in it. You can do whatever you want.

• 15:33Stavros Halkias?

  That's fun. Did somebody order a big sausage? Uh, no, I ordered a medium.

• 15:39Stavros Halkias?

  All right. So good luck, sister. We're rooting for you. You kids are gonna be A-OK.

• 15:52Speaker 07

  Who's ready for a bike ride? Peppa Pig is learning to ride her bike. First, pop on her helmet. Safety first. Then attach the push stick and give her bike a push.

• 16:06Speaker 07

  And watch Peppa paddle. Her legs go round and round as the wheels turn. With more than 75 sounds and phrases, every ride is a big adventure. Peppa Pig Ready Paddle Go. Available at all major retailers now.

• 16:21Speaker 00

  Time for a quick break to talk about McDonald's. It's the tangiest time of the year. For a limited time, head to McDonald's and get a McRib sandwich. Make it a meal by adding a medium fries and a soft drink like an ice cold Diet Dr. Pepper. So grab a McRib sandwich and embrace the tang. Save time by ordering ahead on the app at Participating McDonald's for a limited time. Dr. Pepper is a registered trademark of Dr. Pepper, 7-Up Inc.