How many women are… genuinely happily married?

In today's episode: are you thriving in your marriage, or are you struggling? Has your partner sent you on a trip to (re)find yourself after you've had a baby? We asked 20,000 Australian women, and their answers were eye-opening. Welcome to The Room. Big thanks to Mixa for making this episode possible. Mixa creates ingredient-led skincare that’s dermatologically tested and specifically designed for sensitive skin! From the Urea Repair Cream to the Balm Cica+, a multi-purpose repair balm, you can find the Mixa range at your local Chemist Warehouse. You can find it here. The Room is produced by Dimity Kirkwood. We're a new show, and the best way to support us is by clicking ‘follow’ on Apple and Spotify, and we're super grateful to anyone who leaves a five-star review while they're at it. Also! An old-fashioned 'Tell a Friend In Real Life' is equally appreciated. Follow us on Instagram and TikTok. @brooklynopetaia is on TikTok. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:05Freya Bleathman?

  Welcome to The Room, where mothers meet to share their inner world. I'm Freya, one of your hosts.

• 0:11Georgia Allison?

  And I'm Georgia.

• 0:12Rafa Husain?

  I'm Rafa.

• 0:14Freya Bleathman?

  Ah, I'm so excited.

• 0:16Georgia Allison?

  This is our first episode as just a trio. I actually cannot believe that we are here.

• 0:21Freya Bleathman?

  I remember when I first heard about this podcast and I was pregnant and I was like, oh, great. This could not be better timing for me. It didn't even cross my mind to think that I could potentially be a host of it. And I applied for it actually when Goldie was about, well, when I was about six weeks postpartum.

• 0:37Georgia Allison?

  I actually cannot believe you did that.

• 0:38Rafa Husain?

  It's incredible.

• 0:39Freya Bleathman?

  I can't believe it either, but I remember after our first audition, um, cause you know, there were a couple of rounds. And we afterwards caught up and got a drink. And we didn't know necessarily that we were going to be the, well, we didn't know that we were going to be the three that ended up doing it.

• 0:55Rafa Husain?

  For the listeners' benefit, um, Freya, you've got a little one, maybe we should run through.

• 1:01Freya Bleathman?

  Yeah, quick T L D R, if you haven't heard episode zero, but do listen to episode zero.

• 1:06Rafa Husain?

  Yeah.

• 1:06Freya Bleathman?

  I'm, I've got an eight month, almost eight month old, Goldie.

• 1:09Georgia Allison?

  And I have triplet sons, three, they're almost four years old, Jude, Marlo and Finn.

• 1:17Rafa Husain?

  And I've got two and a half year old, Rumi, and 15 month old, Lila. And similar to Freya, I was on mat leave number two when the audition video call out went out.

• 1:29Georgia Allison?

  Oh, it's so good. It's so good, guys. And this is the best thing, like the three of us meeting each other in 2026. Who would have thought it? Like, we wouldn't have crossed paths with each other. Shall we get into it?

• 1:38Rafa Husain?

  I reckon.

• 1:39Georgia Allison?

  Before we get into it, this episode of The Room is brought to you by Mixer, the expert sensitive skincare brand that works for your entire family. This week, we'll be talking about how many women are actually happy in their marriage. We anonymously surveyed 20,000 Australian women and are so excited to share their answers with you today.

• 1:59Rafa Husain?

  Yeah, I feel like the shameless census was like one of the highlights of my year. Um, and I had so many friends submit answers and they were like, gosh, this was, I mean, for those that might remember, it was also the same week. Cause the Australian government census, which I just laugh at. And I was like, this is the more interesting one. And all of my friends paid so much more attention to the shameless one. Because it was the first time that I think outside of your traditional medical surveys, or if you don't see a regular psychologist, that someone kind of was able to submit their answers. Or, um, around, you know, so many different topics that impact Australian women. And my girlfriends were like, that was amazing, you know, like 15, 20 minute survey to like put, you know, their thoughts down.

• 2:41Rafa Husain?

  Um, so I personally am so like fizzing with excitement to see, um, the, the stats and the data that we get to bring to life, um, each week. And kicking off with a absolute whopper of a topic, I think.

• 2:54Georgia Allison?

  Oh, absolutely. And for the listeners, we don't actually know what the data says yet. Rafa, you are the holder of all of the secrets.

• 3:01Rafa Husain?

  The information. Yeah, I think you'll be surprised by what, what the results show.

• 3:07Georgia Allison?

  This episode and what we're going to cover today couldn't be more timely. I have just spent two and a half weeks away from my children with my husband in Italy. It was absolutely incredible. I was there for one of my best friend's wedding in Tuscany. We had a week, uh, just Matt and I, my husband Matt and I went away.

• 3:27Rafa Husain?

  Yep, that's right. Kid free, triplets were in Australia.

• 3:30Georgia Allison?

  I know. Yeah.

• 3:31Rafa Husain?

  With grandparents.

• 3:32Georgia Allison?

  Honestly, shout out to the biggest village that I have, truly. But this week, this viral TikTok, which was just super timely, cause I was also in Sicily when I watched it. It's by the user Brooklyn Appetire. She is a, I think a New Zealand creator, but she's living in Sydney. And she is on a beach relaxing and talking about why it's so important to marry well before you have kids. So we've got the TikTok.

• 3:57Rafa Husain?

  Watch the video.

• 3:57Georgia Allison?

  Please listen in and, um, let's have a chat about it.

• 4:01Speaker 03

  It's important who you marry and who you have kids with, because I'm alone on a beach in Sicily right now. Because when I finished breastfeeding, my husband said to me, I want you to go and book a trip to anywhere you want in the entire world. And I was like, no, no, no, it's not financially smart to do that. It's not wise. We've got a baby. And he said, no, I need you to go and book a trip anywhere you want in the entire world to go and remember who you are again. I breastfed our son for 15 months, but before that I was pregnant for nine months. So for about two years, I didn't know myself at all without a baby attached to me. My husband has always encouraged me to remember who I am outside of just being a mum. And so I did, I booked myself a two week solo adventure.

• 4:43Speaker 03

  And I've been soul searching on the beach in Sicily and it has been so good for me. And not an ounce of me is anxious that my husband isn't doing the best job or worried that my son's needs aren't being met. Like, my husband knows exactly what he's doing. He's the best dad in the world. And I'm just here filling my cup so that I can go home and be the best mum in the entire world. So I hope that this encourages someone to marry well. It's worth the wait.

• 5:07Rafa Husain?

  What do you think?

• 5:08Freya Bleathman?

  So, I mean, first of all, what a dream. She, I mean, I think, I think she's literally on the beach in Sicily, looking so refreshed and happy and just sounds so relaxed. I, like, all power to her. I'm so happy for her.

• 5:24Rafa Husain?

  That's at the bar pretty high, isn't it?

• 5:25Georgia Allison?

  It does.

• 5:26Rafa Husain?

  Postpartum videos.

• 5:28Georgia Allison?

  It does.

• 5:28Rafa Husain?

  And how to, I don't know, enable that sort of happiness so soon after having a baba.

• 5:34Georgia Allison?

  Absolutely. And 800,000 people liked it and that says a lot. And the, honestly, the comments were very supportive, very supportive of like, this is the dream and you know, so on, which we can get into.

• 5:47Rafa Husain?

  I think if we all were able to have a two week holiday overseas, we'd be thriving, wouldn't we?

• 5:51Georgia Allison?

  Yeah, and we'd take it, surely.

• 5:53Rafa Husain?

  You take it, you take it. If it's up and up, you take it.

• 5:55Freya Bleathman?

  But having said that, like, and looking at all the comments, like, I felt almost a bit ashamed that it did stir something up for me when I saw it. That wasn't wholly just like, go girl.

• 6:07Rafa Husain?

  That's such a normal reaction.

• 6:08Freya Bleathman?

  Yeah, I feel like there was a little bit of, uh, I don't know, envy or something in there, which, and a little bit of, hmm, nice facade.

• 6:17Rafa Husain?

  Yeah, yeah. Cause I think it's important, like, we want women in Australia to be thriving and that level of happiness.

• 6:24Georgia Allison?

  Yeah.

• 6:25Rafa Husain?

  And then it's hard to watch that if you're not thriving. Or if you're not in that stage, kind of go, oh my God, must be nice.

• 6:30Georgia Allison?

  Well, exactly. And I think, I mean, generally wrapped for this woman, and I love the premise of this, of the video, which was marry well before you, or choose well before you have children. The premise of that is.

• 6:43Rafa Husain?

  So important and bang on, I would say. That's probably the main takeaway. She sort of starts with the partner you choose is so, the person you have kids with is so important. And I was like, yeah, that's bang on.

• 6:55Georgia Allison?

  That's bang on.

• 6:56Freya Bleathman?

  Which I, and I totally agree with it. So I think my little flicker of, like, that kind of ugly emotion is me.

• 7:04Rafa Husain?

  I was laughing at the comment that was like, watching this on loud so my husband can hear. I think it had like 20,000 likes. And I think to your point, it's this, she's a content creator, right? Like, perhaps that content is out there to be provocative, to have these conversations.

• 7:20Freya Bleathman?

  It wouldn't be going viral if she was at St Kilda Beach.

• 7:23Rafa Husain?

  Exactly, exactly. And there's so many mixed comments in the video that.

• 7:28Georgia Allison?

  There's not as many as that I thought. There was a lot of people. There was so much support because I think I leant more towards your first impressions, Freya, that I was like, whoa, must be nice.

• 7:39Rafa Husain?

  It must be.

• 7:40Georgia Allison?

  Yeah, that was my first impression. And I mean, that's saying something because I just spent two and a half weeks. So I'm hearing myself, guys. Listeners, I am hearing myself, okay?

• 7:53Georgia Allison?

  I promise there is, but I just feel like there are other ways. I just feel like I completely agree with the premise of it, that, you know, please choose wisely when you're having children.

• 8:03Rafa Husain?

  Agreed.

• 8:04Georgia Allison?

  Could not agree more.

• 8:05Rafa Husain?

  Yeah.

• 8:05Georgia Allison?

  However, I just think this is an extreme example.

• 8:07Rafa Husain?

  Yeah, that is.

• 8:08Georgia Allison?

  And there is so many other ways that you can be honoured for the sacrifice that you have made by carrying, birthing and then breastfeeding your child.

• 8:16Rafa Husain?

  Yeah.

• 8:16Freya Bleathman?

  But the micro gestures aren't sexy. They're not going to go viral. Do you know what I mean? Like this went viral because she spent two and a half weeks in Sicily that her husband organised.

• 8:26Georgia Allison?

  Yeah, soul searching.

• 8:27Freya Bleathman?

  Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's got all the buzzwords.

• 8:30Rafa Husain?

  I do like that it's created a push to think about, like.

• 8:35Georgia Allison?

  That's true.

• 8:35Rafa Husain?

  Perhaps if you are, and I do really believe that where you are in your stage of postpartum really impacts how you're going to respond to that video. If you're having, if you're on two hours of sleep, you've got a screaming seven month old, you cannot figure out solids or sleep. And all the stuff that feels so big in that moment and you see that video. I'd likely throw my phone down the bin. I'd be like, like, it would be so abrasive to see something like that with someone thriving. You know, fast forward 15 months on, I saw that and I was like, go her. Like, A firstly, they're quite a young couple. So to even have that conversation, I felt like quite proud of them. I was like.

• 9:17Freya Bleathman?

  Yeah.

• 9:18Rafa Husain?

  You're all like in your twenties and you all think like, exactly, like that new generation of dads that are trying to, whether for audience purposes or not, um, having a conversation with their partner to go, how can I help you thrive in your postpartum journey? And that's what I like because I do, would love this stage of like self sacrifice for women at all costs to be over. And these conversations, this type of content, maybe spurs a conversation along further than if you hadn't have seen it. Because maybe there are some women who are in their postpartum sort of journey that haven't yet booked the girls' trip, haven't yet booked the massage, haven't yet booked a Pilates class. And to your point, maybe it isn't a two week trip to like, you know, Sicily.

• 10:03Rafa Husain?

  But what are those micro moments that they haven't even thought about to then get away, you know, for a week or two? And that's a part of it that I quite liked.

• 10:10Freya Bleathman?

  Yeah.

• 10:11Rafa Husain?

  Um, and I do really believe as I've gotten further along in my marriage and further along in the kids' journey, that who you marry and who you partner with, or choose to have kids with, um, is so important to every element of health and wellbeing. Emma Greed, who I, whose book I just read, um, she talks about it being the best business decision you will also make. Because that person, and I'm sure our partners have, all spurred us along on this journey for podcasting. This is a complete, like, we're all full time workers, we all have families. Um, and we've got these supportive partners that are like, go for the audition, go, like, get into, get into this show this morning in amongst all we've got on. Like, the chaos behind the scenes.

• 10:56Georgia Allison?

  Yeah.

• 10:57Rafa Husain?

  I hope I look good on mic, but like, fuck me, it was hard to get.

• 11:00Georgia Allison?

  You do, you do.

• 11:02Rafa Husain?

  You know, but you can only make that possible with the village, with your partners and things like that. And I just wonder if we didn't have those support, like, would we be sitting here?

• 11:10Georgia Allison?

  There's no way we would be sitting here if we didn't have the support of our partners.

• 11:12Rafa Husain?

  Around marrying well being important, um, I do think is incredibly

• 11:17Georgia Allison?

  Hmm.

• 11:18Rafa Husain?

  Uh, paramount to how successful your postpartum journey can be. And also coming back to the survey question, how many women are happy in their marriages? One of the answers was thriving.

• 11:28Georgia Allison?

  Yeah.

• 11:28Rafa Husain?

  Kind of dig into that a little bit more because I do think it sets a basis of how women are feeling in Australia at the moment. With these decisions that we've made.

• 11:36Freya Bleathman?

  So on that note, we should get to the stats soon, but let's hear from today's sponsor first.

• 11:42Georgia Allison?

  Guys, when it comes to parenthood, your village can pop up in the most unexpected places. And thanks to Mixer, we'll be asking the community to share their stories for the village mix. Exploring all the surprising and heartwarming ways they've found support throughout motherhood. For me, my village showed up for my husband, Matt and I, in such a huge way when we brought our triplets home from the hospital. And I firmly believe that was the reason I was able to fully recover from birth, but also enjoy the newborn phase as much as I did. A meal train was organised, which meant for about three months, we really had to think about what was for down, which was sick. Uh, a box of nappies always accompanied my grandmother when she visited, which was often. My kids.

• 12:27Georgia Allison?

  We did, we did. Thank God my kids are toilet trained guys, truly. My bank account thanks me. Um, my kids are almost four now and if anything, our village has only expanded. Hello, I just spent two and a half weeks in Italy. The support I received has also taught me to be a good villager. Mixer understands the importance of cultivating a village and their skincare range is designed for every stage of life, from infants to adulthood. You can find the Mixer range at your local chemist warehouse. Thank you so much to Mixer for making this episode of The Room possible.

• 12:59Freya Bleathman?

  Like we said before, we surveyed 20,000 Australian women and asked about their experiences of pretty much everything related to their lives. Having children, sex, money, et cetera. All the answers were anonymous. We filled out the survey as well. I couldn't wait to get like my hands on it. Rafa is the only one for this episode that has the answers, the stats, the actual numbers that we're going to be discussing today. So Georgia and I are gonna blind react

• 13:29Georgia Allison?

  Yeah.

• 13:29Freya Bleathman?

  to how you guys feel in your marriages. So one of the questions was, how happy are you in your marriage? And the answers could have been one of five, thriving, couldn't be happier, going really well. It's okay with ups and downs, struggling a little or not happy, struggling a lot. So before we do the reveal of all your answers, maybe we should be honest about ours. Yeah. What did you guys say?

• 13:57Georgia Allison?

  I, it took me, when I read the, what we're going to be talking about today and I saw what the answers were, I remembered what I did, which was second, going really well. I think if I had answered, yeah, did you?

• 14:12Freya Bleathman?

  Yeah.

• 14:12Georgia Allison?

  Is it your say?

• 14:13Rafa Husain?

  Yeah, that was mine.

• 14:13Georgia Allison?

  Oh, really?

• 14:14Rafa Husain?

  Yeah.

• 14:14Georgia Allison?

  Oh, that's interesting.

• 14:16Rafa Husain?

  Yeah.

• 14:17Georgia Allison?

  I was just gonna, I was just gonna say, if I'd answered the census while I was on the beach in Sicily, when I watched the TikTok, I would have absolutely said thriving, guys. I promise, I promise. But I felt thriving was like, I don't know if it's a personality trait.

• 14:31Freya Bleathman?

  This, I a hundred percent agree.

• 14:33Rafa Husain?

  Yeah, you're like, do you wanna be that person that's like?

• 14:36Freya Bleathman?

  I think, I think it's a personal, I think it's like an interesting psychology.

• 14:40Georgia Allison?

  Yeah, we do.

• 14:41Rafa Husain?

  Yeah, don't go for the.

• 14:42Georgia Allison?

  But also like, there's always room for improvement everywhere.

• 14:45Freya Bleathman?

  Absolutely, I totally agree.

• 14:46Georgia Allison?

  I just.

• 14:47Freya Bleathman?

  Well, when you guys do surveys and it's like strongly disagreed or strongly agree, I never do the strongly disagree. I'm always kind of hedging my bets.

• 14:55Georgia Allison?

  Actually, some, had, had this been maybe, um, like the answers would have been a bit different. I probably would have said strongly agree to my, my, my marriage being happy or something like.

• 15:04Rafa Husain?

  Yeah, that's interesting, thriving the word, yeah.

• 15:08Freya Bleathman?

  I got stuck on thriving, couldn't be happier.

• 15:11Rafa Husain?

  I'm so happy that you answered it's going really well, given where you are in postpartum, because you are early days postpartum, so.

• 15:18Freya Bleathman?

  I will say, I probably in the days of postpartum, I actually can't quite remember what I said. So I'm kind of answering what I feel now. I actually might have gone three out of five.

• 15:27Georgia Allison?

  Yeah.

• 15:28Rafa Husain?

  So I, I think even six to seven months ago, um, we would have said struggling a little. So struggling a little to somewhere around it's okay with many ups and downs. I'll, I'll explain a little bit more around that, but for us personally, as you, um, may know, we went from one child to two, um, in quick succession. There's a 13 month gap with a second pregnancy that wasn't planned.

• 15:52Freya Bleathman?

  I literally just quickly dine out on that story. Like my mother's grandma, one of my friends got pregnant.

• 15:59Rafa Husain?

  It's not trauma.

• 16:00Freya Bleathman?

  Postpartum.

• 16:02Georgia Allison?

  I actually do this all the time too. Like all my friends are like, tell me about the other cohorts. I'm like, oh, wait till you hear.

• 16:07Freya Bleathman?

  I'm so off about you guys. I feel like the dad. I'm so boring. I'm like, so I start with Rafa and I start with her four months postpartum. And then I'm like, and the other one has triplet boys. And it's like this little micro moment.

• 16:20Georgia Allison?

  My friends.

• 16:20Rafa Husain?

  Oh my gosh, hilarious.

• 16:22Georgia Allison?

  But then it just goes to show that like, it's such a roller coaster.

• 16:26Rafa Husain?

  It is, oh, and the timing of the survey can really impact. And I do think it's worth shouting out to people, if you did answer not happy, struggling, couldn't be worse.

• 16:37Georgia Allison?

  God, you're absolutely not going to be alone here.

• 16:39Rafa Husain?

  And we are like representative of the different journeys and chapters that we'll take, depending on where you're at.

• 16:45Georgia Allison?

  Yeah.

• 16:45Rafa Husain?

  Because it's really, really fucking hard.

• 16:48Georgia Allison?

  Yeah.

• 16:48Rafa Husain?

  And I think it's worth, um, yeah, hopefully alluding to that as well.

• 16:53Georgia Allison?

  Totally.

• 16:53Freya Bleathman?

  And maybe we'll get into that as well, because we'll, Rafa will tell us.

• 16:56Rafa Husain?

  Yeah.

• 16:57Freya Bleathman?

  I mean, you're struggling.

• 16:58Georgia Allison?

  And I feel like I'm really competitive here, so I really, um, really interested to see where I land.

• 17:03Freya Bleathman?

  You hedged your bets, because I saw in the show notes, I just did kind of round numbers. Whereas Georgia, she's like, you know, 13%. So she's like trying to get the closest, you know, on a quiz night, they're like, whoever gets the closest to this number.

• 17:15Georgia Allison?

  Literally me. I'm like, I need, I wanna be pretty close here.

• 17:18Rafa Husain?

  Yeah, you're analytical in that way. What percent of women are thriving in their marriage, girls?

• 17:24Georgia Allison?

  I, I'm gonna go first, if that's okay. I said less than 10% and I landed on eight.

• 17:31Freya Bleathman?

  So I said 10%.

• 17:34Georgia Allison?

  Yeah.

• 17:35Freya Bleathman?

  So similar.

• 17:35Georgia Allison?

  Yeah.

• 17:36Rafa Husain?

  Yeah.

• 17:36Freya Bleathman?

  I, and I also just think that that's, I don't, I don't know. I don't know, I'm like really dying on this hill, but I'm like, I think, I think there's 10% of listeners that are happy-go-lucky half glass full.

• 17:48Georgia Allison?

  Yeah.

• 17:50Freya Bleathman?

  But not necessarily thriving. I don't know, why am I casting so much judgement? I don't know, but I'm like, that lies.

• 17:56Rafa Husain?

  Well, I think you're both gonna be very pleased to know that 32% of women said they're thriving in their marriage out of 20,000. So like, let's just, that is a third of the respondents.

• 18:11Georgia Allison?

  All my numbers are gonna be cooked now.

• 18:13Rafa Husain?

  I saw your numbers drop in and I was like, you girls think the state of the union of women is.

• 18:17Georgia Allison?

  I feel terrible. I feel sorry for Matt. I apologize to Matt right now because I'm like.

• 18:22Freya Bleathman?

  Surely one of us should have done thriving.

• 18:24Georgia Allison?

  I know.

• 18:24Freya Bleathman?

  Like that's a third of women.

• 18:25Rafa Husain?

  I know, I know.

• 18:27Freya Bleathman?

  So on average, we're less happy than the average listener.

• 18:31Georgia Allison?

  Oh my God.

• 18:31Rafa Husain?

  Exactly. A third of the respondents.

• 18:33Georgia Allison?

  That's awesome. Okay. Well, yeah, let's go back to bringing Freya's judgement from the day. How we feel now, Freya?

• 18:41Freya Bleathman?

  I know, Rafa's like, you'll be happy to know. And I'm like, mm, I dispute.

• 18:46Freya Bleathman?

  But like, no, I'm really happy for you.

• 18:52Georgia Allison?

  That seems so genuine. I am so curious about this.

• 18:56Rafa Husain?

  I know, I know. 32% of women

• 18:59Georgia Allison?

  Yeah.

• 18:59Rafa Husain?

  answered thriving out of the one in five responses. So let's discuss how, are we happy with that figure? Clearly not.

• 19:07Georgia Allison?

  I am just genuinely surprised.

• 19:09Rafa Husain?

  So that it was more representative.

• 19:11Georgia Allison?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 19:12Rafa Husain?

  Yeah.

• 19:12Georgia Allison?

  I'm, maybe my definition of thriving is, yeah, I, I, I need to like reevaluate.

• 19:18Rafa Husain?

  I think it's worth touching on the actual definition of thriving.

• 19:22Georgia Allison?

  Oh.

• 19:23Rafa Husain?

  Um, it is an adjective, obviously.

• 19:28Georgia Allison?

  So sorry, I thought it was a verb.

• 19:33Freya Bleathman?

  No, it means to prosper.

• 19:35Rafa Husain?

  Let me take notes. I'll get my little iPad 10 out.

• 19:40Rafa Husain?

  It means to prosper.

• 19:44Georgia Allison?

  That was so close. Mike too.

• 19:48Georgia Allison?

  Uh, if that's caught on the recording, I sometimes snort.

• 19:53Rafa Husain?

  I always do. Oh God, we've lost it. I haven't done that in my practice this. Why am I doing this now? Okay.

• 20:00Georgia Allison?

  Okay.

• 20:02Freya Bleathman?

  It means to prosper.

• 20:03Georgia Allison?

  So we're listening.

• 20:04Rafa Husain?

  And grow.

• 20:05Georgia Allison?

  Yeah.

• 20:06Rafa Husain?

  And flourish.

• 20:07Georgia Allison?

  Yeah.

• 20:07Freya Bleathman?

  Which is beautiful.

• 20:08Rafa Husain?

  Which is active. It's active, which I just thought, cause I actually didn't know what the definition was specifically. So I looked it up.

• 20:15Georgia Allison?

  Yeah.

• 20:16Rafa Husain?

  And I was like, oh, I think when you look at it in that way, you can see why. Maybe people felt compelled to do that as the answer, where it's not necessarily about, I'm the happiest. And nothing could be different, but it thriving as a word is like, I'm feeling good.

• 20:31Georgia Allison?

  Yeah.

• 20:31Rafa Husain?

  There's growth in my life. I am, you know, loving where my life's taking me. It feels intentional in terms of being able to answer that. And I think that made me really happy.

• 20:40Georgia Allison?

  Hmm. Absolutely. Actually, I think now we're getting caught on the words of like, couldn't be happier.

• 20:44Rafa Husain?

  Yeah.

• 20:45Georgia Allison?

  But that, that definition is almost how I was like, um, things are really good. That to me, when I answered it, um, it was like, is excitement in the air. Like I'm looking forward to something. I'm building something with someone who I adore and love.

• 21:01Rafa Husain?

  Yeah.

• 21:01Georgia Allison?

  Um, but yeah, okay, thriving.

• 21:04Rafa Husain?

  The trenches of triplets were for us when we had two babies within 13 months. I don't think it was delivering peak happiness and pleasure at the time.

• 21:12Georgia Allison?

  Hmm.

• 21:13Rafa Husain?

  But, um, you know, we can touch on this a little bit later, but Will and I ended up seeing a marriage counselor when we had our second. Because it was very clear to us that the pressure that that put on our relationship was just not working. Like we did not have the tools or the tactics to speak to each other kindly or in a nice way. Um, to get what we needed. And the marriage counselor actually sort of stood like watching us, you know, have arguments or fights. Or the problems that we were like peppering into the day. And she was like, you're on the same team. Let's just remind each other that you're actually on the same team.

• 21:47Georgia Allison?

  Is that what they do in a, in a marriage counselling session? Um, do they get you to have the argument that you might've had that morning? Or like something that you guys get stuck on? Is that how it works?

• 21:57Rafa Husain?

  It's definitely, um, where we, where I would have answered ups and downs or struggling a lot to now it's going really well. You know, that's a seven month journey because of the sessions that we've had. Um, I kind of was, we were, we were fighting constantly in those early days and we were having some challenges. And I was like, I feel like we should be able to talk to each other in a very normal way and we just cannot. And that is, that was just a pressure of a baby who couldn't really walk and then a newborn and me being pulled in, you know, certain different directions. Needing him to step up. I think that going from zero to one, we actually worked really well.

• 22:32Georgia Allison?

  Hmm.

• 22:33Rafa Husain?

  We were a team. I felt really ready for that chapter. We had a bit of a fertility journey challenge. So I think anyone that's had challenges conceiving can like, when you get that charge, you're like, oh my God, this is the best. Um, you know, followed very, very quickly by the unplanned pregnancy. Four months later, we were just like, whoa, we are not ready for this. I was like, I do not want to do this. This is so hard. And then just continued to like go from there. So when we rocked up to the marriage counselor, we just kind of like talked to her about all the challenges. And she kind of works out, okay, I hear you on this and I hear you on this. And of course I've like suggested the marriage counselor. And, um, I'm like, I'm always right. And she's like, she's like, okay, so Raff, and then your areas of improvement? And I was like, excuse, excuse me. And she called me out on some stuff.

• 23:18Freya Bleathman?

  I love it when psychologists do that or therapists. I think that's the most valuable thing.

• 23:24Rafa Husain?

  And it was very, um, valuable for Will to like, you know, have support on his side as well. It wasn't just a one-sided thing.

• 23:31Georgia Allison?

  Yeah.

• 23:31Rafa Husain?

  Um, but yeah, you kind of have an expert kind of pull apart the opportunities and the tools that you might need to then take into your day to day. Which has allowed us to, you know, move forward.

• 23:41Freya Bleathman?

  Yeah. And I think, I mean, like you said, like I'm not naive enough to think that I answered pretty good or whatever it was, very good. That I'm gonna stick up there or go up to five forever. Like they, there will be times where I'll probably be one or two or three. Yeah.

• 23:58Rafa Husain?

  Yeah, definitely.

• 23:59Georgia Allison?

  The challenges of parenthood, motherhood and having a relationship with children involved, like it could be hour to hour. Like it really could be.

• 24:07Rafa Husain?

  It really does.

• 24:08Georgia Allison?

  So, yeah.

• 24:09Freya Bleathman?

  Did you guys ask your husbands what they would rate your relationship?

• 24:14Rafa Husain?

  I didn't. No.

• 24:16Freya Bleathman?

  Did you?

• 24:16Rafa Husain?

  I asked three last time.

• 24:17Freya Bleathman?

  Cause I knew I was prepping it. Well, I don't know if it was very good, cause I didn't give the answer I wanted. So he was, I gave him the options and I read them out. I was like.

• 24:26Georgia Allison?

  Did you tell him what you said?

• 24:27Freya Bleathman?

  No, I said thriving, couldn't be better, going really well. It's okay with ups and downs, struggling a little, not happy, struggling a lot. And he was like, oh yeah, it's okay. I was like, I'm like, it's okay. I'm like, it's okay with ups and downs. He's like, yeah. I'm like, that's three out of five, Ru. And then I was like, well, I'm like, what about going really well? It's like, I mean, it's not really well.

• 24:48Rafa Husain?

  Tell us what you really think, Ru.

• 24:49Freya Bleathman?

  So I hazled him up to a going well, which is 3.5, which as he actually did say.

• 24:56Rafa Husain?

  Did he give you context to why?

• 24:57Freya Bleathman?

  3.5 out of five is seven out of 10, which is a distinction. So he actually thinks that's it.

• 25:03Rafa Husain?

  You're not a HD, but you're a distinction.

• 25:06Georgia Allison?

  That's so good. Distinctions are bad. Distinctions are good.

• 25:08Rafa Husain?

  But does he, has he given you the context as to the gap? Does the man need to get to the gym? Like what's he struggling with?

• 25:14Freya Bleathman?

  I, I think it's just a bit of a personality thing as well. Like he's pretty laid back and like, you know, it's fine. Yeah.

• 25:22Rafa Husain?

  Absolutely, he is.

• 25:23Freya Bleathman?

  Like, oh, that's so funny. I was like.

• 25:24Rafa Husain?

  Oh my gosh.

• 25:25Georgia Allison?

  I'm gonna come back to you guys. I'm gonna, I'm definitely gonna ask now. But I, I feel like I'm sitting here hearing, um, the definition of thriving, which I did not look into.

• 25:34Freya Bleathman?

  Adjective, just to be clear.

• 25:39Georgia Allison?

  And also, you know, uh, sorry, Raff's, uh, very philosophical mind. I feel like I want to change mine to thriving. Maybe you're coming off the back of it. I'm doing it really. Like I do, because I, like I said, I think it's, um.

• 25:52Rafa Husain?

  Ticks a box. You're where you're at. I think ticks a box for thriving for sure.

• 25:56Georgia Allison?

  And that's, that's with a lot of self-awareness that I have been struggling a lot, like for ages. You know, when I had very, very young children and dealing with the idea of triple feeding every four hours and.

• 26:09Rafa Husain?

  Yeah.

• 26:09Georgia Allison?

  Actually just the idea of having three children going from zero to three. So it's.

• 26:14Rafa Husain?

  Yeah.

• 26:14Georgia Allison?

  I can completely understand where, um.

• 26:17Rafa Husain?

  The differences come. But there is, and that's why I love the answer options because there is so much nuance. There is, um, a couple of more stats that we can dig into.

• 26:26Georgia Allison?

  To know where, what the next one is, which is going well. Is that what we're hearing from?

• 26:31Rafa Husain?

  Yes.

• 26:32Georgia Allison?

  What did you land on the stat?

• 26:33Freya Bleathman?

  Well, so what did I say? 10% for thriving. And then I, my guess was 60% for going really well. So 70% in the kind of top half.

• 26:44Georgia Allison?

  Yeah.

• 26:45Freya Bleathman?

  Contentment.

• 26:46Rafa Husain?

  Yeah.

• 26:46Georgia Allison?

  I did 50% and I locked in 47 please.

• 26:51Rafa Husain?

  47 is your answer.

• 26:53Georgia Allison?

  So actually, no, it's less than 50%, obviously. 47 is what I ultimately locked in, please.

• 26:58Rafa Husain?

  Your.

• 26:59Georgia Allison?

  Answer please.

• 27:01Rafa Husain?

  I'm, I'm really breaking your heart over here because you're, you're off again.

• 27:05Georgia Allison?

  Yeah.

• 27:05Rafa Husain?

  Um, no, I think it was, so the result for this one, we've combined together, including those who said they're thriving. And those that said things are going well.

• 27:16Georgia Allison?

  Mm-hmm.

• 27:16Rafa Husain?

  Um, which takes us to 73%.

• 27:20Georgia Allison?

  I'm happy about that. You said 70.

• 27:22Rafa Husain?

  Happy in their marriage. So you're super close. So I think that's about 41% specifically. So almost half the respondents said, um, going really well. I honestly thought it was gonna be the opposite and favoring like some of the, um, yeah, struggling stats.

• 27:36Georgia Allison?

  Which just goes to show that people are going through different stages and that we've all been there. We've, I've probably been at every, uh, one of those answers.

• 27:43Rafa Husain?

  Yeah, I think it's really awesome to see the results that a lot of Australian women are, um, feeling good in their marriages. There definitely is a, um, group here that's really worth considering because we've all been there that are struggling a lot or a little. Um, and you know, feeling a little bit, you know, hopeless about where things are going next. Um, so we'll dig into that. But first we're gonna hear from our sponsor.

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• 28:52Rafa Husain?

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• 28:57Georgia Allison?

  Did you?

• 28:58Rafa Husain?

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• 29:02Freya Bleathman?

  Also, Chemist Warehouse is like my favorite destination. Do you know, I went to the Chemist Warehouse down the road. Like whenever I'm just sort of like, oh, wondering what the brand, don't know what to do.

• 29:10Rafa Husain?

  There's always something to pick up.

• 29:11Freya Bleathman?

  I know. And now Mixer's there. But I went there the other day and the guy at the counter was like, oh, like, do you live around here? You can't, you come look. And he gave me a Chemist Warehouse scarf.

• 29:22Rafa Husain?

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• 29:25Rafa Husain?

  I didn't even know that that could exist.

• 29:26Freya Bleathman?

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• 29:27Rafa Husain?

  Amazing.

• 29:29Freya Bleathman?

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• 29:31Rafa Husain?

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• 29:32Freya Bleathman?

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• 29:33Rafa Husain?

  Um, so let's go to the result, talking about marriages being described as just okay with the ups and downs. Um, and the percent who are struggling a little or a lot. Ladies, what do you think?

• 29:46Georgia Allison?

  I think that it will be about 25%.

• 29:50Rafa Husain?

  Yep.

• 29:50Freya Bleathman?

  The combo. Yeah. I said 20, what did I say? 20, oh, yeah, I said 20% just okay.

• 29:58Rafa Husain?

  Yeah. Yeah. Um, so 21% described their marriage as just o, just okay with the ups and downs.

• 30:06Georgia Allison?

  I didn't split them up.

• 30:07Freya Bleathman?

  Yeah.

• 30:07Rafa Husain?

  And then, um.

• 30:09Georgia Allison?

  Damn it. I could have got this one right, guys.

• 30:10Rafa Husain?

  Yeah, you were so close.

• 30:11Georgia Allison?

  Yeah, I was so close.

• 30:13Rafa Husain?

  And then 5% are struggling a little.

• 30:16Georgia Allison?

  Freya has kicked my ass here.

• 30:18Freya Bleathman?

  I said 20%.

• 30:20Georgia Allison?

  Just to be super clear, I actually got that right.

• 30:24Rafa Husain?

  I think you said you're competitive, but Prey is right there with you.

• 30:28Georgia Allison?

  Come out second here.

• 30:29Freya Bleathman?

  No, but I, I didn't go into this competitive, but you made it a competition.

• 30:32Georgia Allison?

  I did, didn't I?

• 30:33Freya Bleathman?

  And now I'm into it.

• 30:34Georgia Allison?

  Especially because you're winning.

• 30:37Rafa Husain?

  Always helps to win.

• 30:38Georgia Allison?

  Yeah.

• 30:38Rafa Husain?

  So 21% described their marriage as just okay with ups and downs and 5% responded struggling a little or a lot. So obviously I think it's important to talk about how relatable those answers would have been. And as we discussed, depending on where you are in your journey, very easy to have changed your answer.

• 30:58Georgia Allison?

  And I think just based on what we've talked about today, for those who are sitting in that sort of struggling or it's just okay, we have all been there.

• 31:06Rafa Husain?

  Yeah.

• 31:06Georgia Allison?

  So I just want there to be maybe

• 31:09Rafa Husain?

  Support.

• 31:09Georgia Allison?

  Support and just understanding that things will fluctuate, especially when you have young children.

• 31:13Rafa Husain?

  Yeah.

• 31:13Georgia Allison?

  And that, you know, what you say, you know, at the census is not necessarily how you're going to feel in your relationship going forward.

• 31:21Rafa Husain?

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 31:23Freya Bleathman?

  And I feel like that nuance is kind of lost online a lot of the time. I don't know if you guys see someone post something less than glowing about their relationship and half the comments are like, break up with him.

• 31:33Georgia Allison?

  No, I know.

• 31:33Freya Bleathman?

  You know, you deserve better, blah, blah, blah, blah.

• 31:36Rafa Husain?

  Yeah. How do people, how could you come and be vulnerable when you're judged for needing to drop?

• 31:41Freya Bleathman?

  Or realise that it's normal to have ups and downs. I mean, your relationship's not happening in a silo. Like it's happening in your life that has its ups and downs. I know the times where I've been the least happy in my relationship. I've been the least happy with life in general.

• 31:57Georgia Allison?

  In general.

• 31:57Freya Bleathman?

  And it kind of, it all feeds into each other.

• 32:00Rafa Husain?

  Yeah. There's definitely different factors in, um, in this specific survey response. I don't know if we clarified that respondents may have had kids or not.

• 32:11Georgia Allison?

  Yeah.

• 32:12Rafa Husain?

  And I think that's also an interesting, like I, if I was to unpack the data a little bit more, it would be interesting of who said struggling. Who have kids.

• 32:20Georgia Allison?

  Yeah.

• 32:20Rafa Husain?

  Um, because I think there could be a story there around, I don't know this, but do the people that have responded struggling a lot or a little have kids in those postpartum trenches or not? Or maybe they don't have kids and struggling. And I think that's an important distinction that we could probably dive into and will dive into as a separate topic, but there is nuance that perhaps necessarily these people don't have kids either. Producers just handed you a stat.

• 32:45Freya Bleathman?

  Producers just handed me a very high tech secret stat.

• 32:49Rafa Husain?

  I think it's in relation to what I may have said.

• 32:51Freya Bleathman?

  Yeah. What you were saying, Raf, or about whether it changes pre or post kids. Who is happier, married women who have children or married women who do not have children?

• 33:01Georgia Allison?

  I feel like that's easy for me. It's married people or married women without children.

• 33:06Rafa Husain?

  Yeah, I would say for sure, um, married or partnered people without kids.

• 33:11Freya Bleathman?

  So what percentage with non-kids would say they're four or five out of five?

• 33:17Freya Bleathman?

  60?

• 33:18Georgia Allison?

  Yeah, 65.

• 33:20Freya Bleathman?

  So Georgia, you're the closest.

• 33:22Rafa Husain?

  Oh, she got there.

• 33:24Freya Bleathman?

  But you're still really far away. It's 90%.

• 33:27Georgia Allison?

  90%. Reiterate this again for me. 95% of people.

• 33:30Freya Bleathman?

  90% of non-parents are thriving or going really well in their marriage.

• 33:35Georgia Allison?

  That's awesome.

• 33:35Rafa Husain?

  I absolutely would have answered thriving.

• 33:38Georgia Allison?

  Yeah.

• 33:38Rafa Husain?

  Which is a bit sad because I love my kids so much, but it's hard.

• 33:42Georgia Allison?

  It is hard.

• 33:43Rafa Husain?

  Yeah, life gets hard.

• 33:44Freya Bleathman?

  Well, I think we also have the stats, obviously for the current parents, but I think that's going to be another episode.

• 33:50Rafa Husain?

  Yeah, absolutely. I imagine it drops.

• 33:55Freya Bleathman?

  90%.

• 33:56Rafa Husain?

  That's awesome. So yeah, that makes, that makes sense to me. And I think it's important because we've probably been talking about the stats as if these people have kids.

• 34:06Georgia Allison?

  Yeah, we really have.

• 34:06Rafa Husain?

  And answering thriving, but now we kind of know, they don't. That makes sense.

• 34:11Freya Bleathman?

  So that's probably all we've got time for today. Happy episode one, you guys.

• 34:16Georgia Allison?

  Oh my God, I can't believe we're here. Well done.

• 34:18Rafa Husain?

  We did it.

• 34:19Freya Bleathman?

  So if you're listening to this episode and thinking, I know someone who would have a few thoughts about what we said, send it on to them and please let us know. So we're on Instagram at the room podcast. We also have an email, the room at shamelessmedia.com.au.

• 34:34Rafa Husain?

  I feel like it's in, worth noting that Tuesdays are the sort of census orientated um, topics where we're going deep on some of the um, themes from the survey. And then Thursdays we get to answer some mailbag questions that our lovely audience, yeah, get to send in. So can't wait to unpack those as well.

• 34:52Freya Bleathman?

  All right.

• 34:53Georgia Allison?

  Goodbye, everyone.

• 34:54Freya Bleathman?

  Thank you.

• 35:01Speaker 04

  Shameless Media. This podcast was recorded on Wurundjeri land, always was, always will be Aboriginal land.

• 35:09Speaker 05

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