Ep 623 - The Good Guy Weed (feat. Lemaire Lee)

Support the D. A. W. G. Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Supoort Lameez and the guyz @ https://www.patreon.com/pitm Go See Matt Live | SAN JOSE | SPOKANE | NEW FALL TOUR@ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live | Lincoln Financial & Charleston @ shanemgillis.com Go See Lemaire Lee Live @ https://lemairelee.fun/ Go See Shawn Gardini Live if you want @ https://www.shawngardini.com/live helloo. Hope you're all having a good week. We got a hot cast for you guyz. Whole squad feelin nice off the good guy pack. Virtue maxxin. Meezy on the cozy couch. What more could you need? Please enjoy. God Bless. This video is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/MSSP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Matt McCusker?

  The Wild Wild West.

• 0:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, for some reason I woke up at 7 a.m. So I'm ruined.

• 0:07Matt McCusker?

  It's the way to do it.

• 0:08Speaker 01

  I don't know how. Yeah, I understand why a lot of times we're doing the podcast, I look over and you're like,

• 0:14Speaker 01

  yeah, dude, I get it. Normally I woke up an hour ago.

• 0:18Matt McCusker?

  Just you're just coming to.

• 0:20Speaker 02

  Said the money mindset this morning, dude.

• 0:22Speaker 01

  I did have the money mindset.

• 0:24Speaker 02

  He had to get up and grind.

• 0:25Matt McCusker?

  We fired up.

• 0:26Speaker 01

  I got up and grind.

• 0:27Matt McCusker?

  We're fucking podcasting.

• 0:30Matt McCusker?

  Dude, what if I said my social security number?

• 0:33Speaker 01

  We were, I did have the money mindset.

• 0:35Matt McCusker?

  You did?

• 0:36Speaker 01

  Woke up, played NCAA football for three hours. So got that out of my system. Now I can attack the day without distractions.

• 0:42Matt McCusker?

  For sure.

• 0:43Speaker 01

  And then I watched World Cup soccer.

• 0:45Matt McCusker?

  Nice.

• 0:45Speaker 01

  So extremely productive.

• 0:47Matt McCusker?

  Not bad.

• 0:49Speaker 02

  Watch World Cup soccer after this.

• 0:50Speaker 01

  And then I'm gonna at the end of this, watch World Cup soccer.

• 0:52Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's, I mean, dude, it's the best.

• 0:54Speaker 01

  It's coming home.

• 0:55Matt McCusker?

  The best game's gotta come home to America.

• 0:56Speaker 01

  It's gotta come home to America.

• 0:57Matt McCusker?

  Dude, if we win, it'll be so funny just because.

• 0:59Speaker 01

  It is.

• 1:00Matt McCusker?

  We don't really care about soccer like that.

• 1:01Speaker 01

  Fucking impossible.

• 1:02Matt McCusker?

  I know, but it'd be so funny.

• 1:04Speaker 01

  We're gonna need some major upsets. We need.

• 1:07Matt McCusker?

  Who do we gotta beat?

• 1:08Speaker 01

  I saw today that technically the road for us to win would be like, we're gonna hopefully play Belgium in the next round. If we get past Bosnia, we got Belgium, Spain, France, Argentina.

• 1:23Matt McCusker?

  Geez.

• 1:24Speaker 01

  Just is not gonna happen.

• 1:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's tough.

• 1:27Speaker 02

  It's gonna be fun.

• 1:29Speaker 01

  I don't know. What was it? Spain? No, but kinda they were boys.

• 1:32Speaker 02

  Argentina.

• 1:33Speaker 01

  Belgium he got, Argentina he lived in after, and France he got. So yeah.

• 1:40Speaker 02

  Oh, so it's just us versus the Axis again?

• 1:42Speaker 01

  The Axis is already out.

• 1:43Speaker 02

  Dude, fucking it, dude.

• 1:44Speaker 01

  The Axis, the Axis all got eliminated.

• 1:46Matt McCusker?

  I didn't realize how much.

• 1:47Speaker 01

  Italy didn't make it. Japan and Germany, they're all out.

• 1:49Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 1:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:50Matt McCusker?

  Oh, good.

• 1:51Speaker 02

  Thanks, sweet.

• 1:52Matt McCusker?

  Although I heard a lot of people from South America don't like Argentina. I didn't realize Argentina is pretty hated in South America.

• 1:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're white.

• 1:59Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. When I heard they're proud of it, too. That's what I heard. I heard the Argentinians are proud of it.

• 2:05Speaker 01

  Really?

• 2:05Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. I have it on good authority that they're pretty mean to everybody else.

• 2:10Speaker 01

  So just south of the equator, you can?

• 2:12Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, oh yeah. In Argentina, you can, because you got that fucking flair.

• 2:16Speaker 01

  I think South Africa gets pretty active too.

• 2:19Matt McCusker?

  Although.

• 2:20Speaker 01

  Any whites south of the equator, Australia used to, now Australia's.

• 2:24Speaker 02

  They have to.

• 2:24Speaker 01

  They're lived out.

• 2:25Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. But no, the, um, I think, no, I think, I think in Argentina, you can just fucking, if you're Bilondo like that, you can just be like, fuck that. Bull. But there was a lady, there was a black South African R and B lady, and they were like, oh, so how do you, as a black, you know, as a black, and she was like, I'm fucking South African. She got to shut it down, like, don't hit me with that America bullshit. She's like, I'm just African, get out of my fucking face.

• 2:47Speaker 01

  Like that?

• 2:48Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's kind of, yeah, so.

• 2:49Speaker 01

  It's like Dr. Kistupesi.

• 2:51Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 2:52Speaker 01

  Is he a white UFC fighter that's just like, I'm the only African here?

• 2:55Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 2:55Speaker 01

  And all the, like Nigerian fighters that live in America get mad.

• 2:59Speaker 02

  Is he still fake? He hasn't had a fight in like a year, right?

• 3:02Speaker 01

  It's been a while.

• 3:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:04Matt McCusker?

  What do you think about the Conor McGregor fight? What do you think's happening?

• 3:06Speaker 02

  Ooh.

• 3:06Speaker 01

  I'm excited.

• 3:07Matt McCusker?

  Are you shocked of his physique?

• 3:09Speaker 01

  I'm, I'm always shocked at his. No matter what he's doing, I go, holy fuck.

• 3:14Matt McCusker?

  The fuck is he?

• 3:14Speaker 01

  He's going nuts, dude.

• 3:16Matt McCusker?

  What weight, what weight class is he fighting at? Is it usual?

• 3:18Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, probably around 170.

• 3:21Matt McCusker?

  That's his usual.

• 3:22Speaker 01

  A little heavy for when he was great.

• 3:25Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, okay.

• 3:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, Max Holloway versus Conor, it's gonna be a nice fight.

• 3:29Speaker 01

  It'll be an awesome fight. I would love to go, but I cannot.

• 3:32Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 3:33Speaker 01

  Gotta lock in for the link, dude. I can't be out in Vegas.

• 3:37Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 3:37Speaker 02

  Did you see, uh, Destin Poliev?

• 3:42Speaker 01

  I'll be there. You can turn on the TV.

• 3:46Matt McCusker?

  He's like this, oh fuck, oh shit.

• 3:50Speaker 01

  I'm gonna do that, I was in Blizzard, I was just standing in the pool, I was like, this is what I'm gonna do until the 17th. And then on the 16th, I'm gonna go, oh fuck. Slowly get out of the pool.

• 4:02Matt McCusker?

  Go get your briefcase and head to Philadelphia.

• 4:04Speaker 01

  Oh shit. Oh fuck. Oh no.

• 4:08Matt McCusker?

  So scary.

• 4:11Matt McCusker?

  So scary. What's crazy too is if you think about it, this show, I never even thought about it till now is bigger than local news shows.

• 4:18Speaker 01

  What, our show?

• 4:19Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, way bigger than local news shows.

• 4:21Speaker 01

  This podcast?

• 4:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 4:22Speaker 01

  By, it's, we've been bigger since fucking like 2017.

• 4:26Matt McCusker?

  I never thought about that though. That's crazy.

• 4:28Speaker 01

  Local news?

• 4:29Matt McCusker?

  Or even like, let's say, regional news. Is that a thing?

• 4:35Matt McCusker?

  It's just crazy, all that. If you go to a local news station, there's so much hubbub in production.

• 4:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:40Matt McCusker?

  It's just crazy. I just like, thought about it now, like, damn, that's crazy. Weird. This is basically local news, kind of like.

• 4:45Speaker 01

  This is local news.

• 4:46Matt McCusker?

  It's nuts.

• 4:46Speaker 01

  We break down the local news.

• 4:48Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 4:49Speaker 01

  Patreon, we covered it, unless that was the real one. We'll see how bad this goes, Lemaire. We do have our own Dong Lamong.

• 4:57Matt McCusker?

  Oh dude, let me do a fun fact. This is, this actually is, this fact fucked me up. So do you guys like oysters?

• 5:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:04Matt McCusker?

  Do you know when you eat an oyster, it's alive?

• 5:08Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's still alive.

• 5:09Speaker 02

  What?

• 5:10Matt McCusker?

  And when you're, when you're trying to open the oyster, the reason it's hard is because the oyster is going like, no, and it's holding the shell together. So when you open it, it's like, you can do it in a way where you kind of like cause it like, you know, I guess slightly less pain.

• 5:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:24Matt McCusker?

  But if you do it kind of like artfully, you can still feel the oyster, I guess it has like a pulse.

• 5:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:30Matt McCusker?

  You can actually feel it on your tongue, but they're, they're living. When you open its shell, that's like, kind of like the KO. They're like, oh.

• 5:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:37Matt McCusker?

  And then you fucking.

• 5:38Speaker 01

  I don't think they're thinking too much.

• 5:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but still, they're still alive. It's crazy.

• 5:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:43Matt McCusker?

  I mean, they are actively fighting you, like, no, no, no, stop it. It's not you. Ow. And you slurp them down. I just, that blew my fucking mind. I had no idea they're still alive.

• 5:54Speaker 01

  Yeah. I wonder how often they're, how often they're alive.

• 5:57Matt McCusker?

  I think, I think they are alive. I think that if you're serving dead oysters, they go bad really quick. And they can actually live out of water for like a pretty long time. So they're, I, I think the majority of oysters you eat are alive. Just cool to think about. That's why you get so charged when you eat them.

• 6:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, you get sexually charged.

• 6:13Matt McCusker?

  You ate a fucking living creature. It's hot.

• 6:15Speaker 02

  How do you think they come? How do oysters like procreate?

• 6:18Matt McCusker?

  How do they procreate?

• 6:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:21Matt McCusker?

  From getting ripped open and eaten? They probably fucking come.

• 6:25Speaker 01

  It's a great question, Lemaire.

• 6:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it is. Can we, can we get some fucking?

• 6:27Speaker 01

  Let's find out what's going on with oysters and other seemingly stationary creatures. Although oysters are probably moving around a little.

• 6:34Speaker 02

  Yeah. You ever see that one they've been eating? Yeah.

• 6:38Matt McCusker?

  Yo, they just jizz out.

• 6:39Speaker 02

  Jizz into the fucking, they jizz a mist and it.

• 6:41Matt McCusker?

  Actually did that in the shower today. I broadcast, I broadcast spawn in the shower today. Very oyster like, must have been the oysters I ate last week. Took over my mind and body. We gotta fucking spray this shit in the water. So they just, they just fucking send it out there.

• 7:01Speaker 03

  Like, I'm, this is really quick read, but it seems like it's just eggs get shot out and sperm get shot out and it just mixes.

• 7:08Matt McCusker?

  Yo, that's such a good way to do it.

• 7:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, see, it's free swimming larvae is what it's saying.

• 7:14Speaker 02

  Why don't we have like Nat Geo video of this?

• 7:17Speaker 01

  I bet we do.

• 7:18Speaker 02

  Fucking oysters just go.

• 7:21Matt McCusker?

  And the girl oysters being like. They send their eggs out. That's not bad. That'd be a good dating, like a subsection of Tinder where you could just fucking shake the dice. Two random people, you send out your seed, they go, oh, we mixed it, you guys. Have a little Nino.

• 7:39Matt McCusker?

  And you know, it's time to settle down. And you know, you settle down.

• 7:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, we're not gonna settle down.

• 7:42Matt McCusker?

  Why, if you become an Episcopalian priest?

• 7:45Speaker 01

  I live a foot away. I'm never gonna see her.

• 7:49Speaker 01

  I'm on the other side of this rock. I'll never see that bitch again.

• 7:53Speaker 01

  I was just nutting, hoping to find something.

• 7:57Speaker 03

  Says the, when they're doing it too, like the water gets milky. It's just like a milky mist of like eggs and sperm. Which is just like a hundred million of them a year.

• 8:07Matt McCusker?

  Has anyone ever eaten that?

• 8:09Speaker 03

  Probably.

• 8:09Matt McCusker?

  Cause the oysters taste good. I'm venturing to guess that their fucking splooge is probably nice.

• 8:15Speaker 01

  Delicious splooge.

• 8:16Speaker 02

  And oyster milk.

• 8:17Matt McCusker?

  Oyster milk would be nice.

• 8:21Matt McCusker?

  Huh?

• 8:22Speaker 01

  When we eat steak?

• 8:24Speaker 04

  Well, you said since oysters taste good, you think their milk would taste good, but we eat cows all the time and I don't think they're, well.

• 8:32Speaker 01

  What are you talking about? That's, you named like the best example of milk.

• 8:36Speaker 03

  He's talking about nut. He's talking about nut.

• 8:38Speaker 04

  No, the milk though, like, yeah, I wouldn't drink.

• 8:40Matt McCusker?

  I think you've never had cow jizz though.

• 8:43Speaker 04

  Fair, yeah. Sorry for bringing it up.

• 8:45Speaker 01

  That's okay. I wouldn't be, I wouldn't.

• 8:48Matt McCusker?

  If you for real.

• 8:49Speaker 01

  You goddamn dopers. The second podcast we do is always the dopers.

• 8:56Matt McCusker?

  These guys gotta cut out the pot big time.

• 8:58Speaker 01

  Pot's taking over your life.

• 9:00Matt McCusker?

  If you were to chug bull cum, might not be the best taste, but you would be turbocharged, dude.

• 9:06Speaker 01

  You'd get stronger.

• 9:07Matt McCusker?

  You would, and a hundred percent get stronger.

• 9:09Speaker 02

  Wasn't that Red Bull? Wasn't that like, was Red, in Red Bull originally?

• 9:12Matt McCusker?

  No, dude.

• 9:14Speaker 03

  Isn't it like Torine?

• 9:14Speaker 01

  I think it's just Torine is.

• 9:16Speaker 03

  Isn't it like extracted from?

• 9:18Matt McCusker?

  No.

• 9:18Speaker 01

  No, I think just the name is from Taurus.

• 9:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's not bull cum. I mean, look that, we need, oh, look that up. If Torine is bull cum.

• 9:27Speaker 01

  There's, I call it bull cum.

• 9:31Speaker 01

  There's no way. I think it's just the name.

• 9:35Speaker 05

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• 10:35Matt McCusker?

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• 11:14Speaker 01

  Incredible.

• 11:16Matt McCusker?

  I'd actually be curious if tarain derives from bull, but then it would it would derive from all come, right? There's no way bulls have superior come unless that's why people used to worship them back then. I don't know.

• 11:28Matt McCusker?

  What the fuck even is tarain, dude?

• 11:30Speaker 02

  I saw a video of Burt Kreischer getting hit by a bull. It was not, it looked like it hurt so bad.

• 11:35Speaker 01

  When the fuck did Burt get hit by a bull?

• 11:36Speaker 02

  In like 2002.

• 11:39Matt McCusker?

  He got hit by a bull?

• 11:41Speaker 01

  Dude, I saw the new Jackass.

• 11:43Matt McCusker?

  How was it?

• 11:44Speaker 01

  Knoxville gets one more bull in.

• 11:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:46Speaker 01

  And it is fucking terrible.

• 11:49Matt McCusker?

  Was there anything in there that was like?

• 11:51Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 11:51Matt McCusker?

  Super horrible?

• 11:52Speaker 01

  No, yeah, there was one I couldn't watch.

• 11:54Matt McCusker?

  I heard there was one that made people.

• 11:55Speaker 01

  There's one that's like the grossest thing I've ever seen.

• 11:57Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 11:57Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 11:58Matt McCusker?

  Yikes.

• 11:58Speaker 01

  It was, they all drink like a colonoscopy laxative.

• 12:04Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 12:04Speaker 01

  And then wear Saran wrap pants and play Twister. And then everyone starts shitting and throwing up.

• 12:12Matt McCusker?

  Dude.

• 12:13Speaker 01

  It was, that was the worst one. I love Jackass, dude. At the end of Jackass.

• 12:16Matt McCusker?

  What a finale.

• 12:17Speaker 01

  I get emotional every single time. I love it so much.

• 12:21Speaker 02

  Jackass 3 makes me cry every time.

• 12:22Speaker 01

  Every time, dude.

• 12:23Speaker 02

  Every time at the end of that, they got the tribute to Ryan Dunn and then playing the Weezer song. God damn.

• 12:30Matt McCusker?

  What about? Chris Pontius is always drinking come. I was just watching the old episodes.

• 12:34Speaker 01

  He did drink some come.

• 12:35Matt McCusker?

  That's why it popped into my head. Did he really? He drank, he drank horse come the one time. They put the fake coochie on the horse and then it like fucks it and the, it fills up like a baby bottle of milk.

• 12:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:48Matt McCusker?

  That's so disgusting. Did he throw up? I don't think he threw up, but everybody else.

• 12:53Speaker 02

  Dude, he's a come queen.

• 12:54Speaker 01

  He is a bit of a come queen. He can handle it.

• 12:57Matt McCusker?

  He might be my favorite. The more I watch the old movies. He's so funny. He's a semen demon. It's also, so it's like an old circus. It's like you have acrobats. It's like, what do you do? It's like, I'll just drink all the come.

• 13:10Speaker 01

  Our guy, yeah, Steve O's an ass man.

• 13:12Matt McCusker?

  Yep, yep.

• 13:14Speaker 01

  But Danger Aaron goes wild.

• 13:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:16Speaker 01

  He's been going hard the last couple.

• 13:18Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 13:18Speaker 04

  Really?

• 13:19Speaker 01

  What's that?

• 13:19Speaker 04

  Dave England.

• 13:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, those two are holding it down.

• 13:21Speaker 02

  And they're trying to get their checks, dude.

• 13:23Speaker 01

  They are. But Knoxville, he had, he had one, and he's emotional the whole movie.

• 13:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:28Speaker 01

  Which is, it's really sad. I mean, it's nice.

• 13:31Matt McCusker?

  That's the final one, right?

• 13:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, allegedly.

• 13:34Matt McCusker?

  It's gotta be.

• 13:34Speaker 01

  But.

• 13:35Speaker 02

  The third one's supposed to be the final one.

• 13:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:37Speaker 02

  It was like four of them.

• 13:37Speaker 01

  He always says it's the last one.

• 13:38Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 13:40Speaker 01

  This one, this one was it.

• 13:41Matt McCusker?

  Was there any Wham Bam Thank You Mam? Was Bam in there at all?

• 13:44Speaker 01

  Yeah. I mean, they show like, it's, it's a lot of like old clips.

• 13:47Matt McCusker?

  Got you, got you.

• 13:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:49Matt McCusker?

  I'm a big fan of Bam right now.

• 13:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, of course, Bam rules.

• 13:51Matt McCusker?

  I like what he's up to.

• 13:53Speaker 02

  He's back skateboarding.

• 13:54Matt McCusker?

  I know.

• 13:54Speaker 02

  It's nice. I like it. I don't know why seeing him skateboarding makes me happy.

• 13:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, of course.

• 13:59Matt McCusker?

  That's awesome.

• 14:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:01Matt McCusker?

  He's a man, it's his victory over his demons, dude.

• 14:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:04Matt McCusker?

  Best. When I see him on the board, I get for real like, yes.

• 14:06Speaker 01

  Yes, man.

• 14:07Matt McCusker?

  Yes. You wait, just the fucking thirteen year old in me is like, dude, Bam's back. Bam was like the coolest guy I could ever think of for the longest time. I was like, dude, this guy is the best.

• 14:18Speaker 01

  I used to get so hyped when they'd show Westchester. I'd be watching Jackass, be like, that's Westchester. I've been there.

• 14:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, like my boy actually knows that house. He drove by once.

• 14:28Speaker 01

  I've been there.

• 14:30Matt McCusker?

  I remember that. I was there at Boards and Blades. Bam came one time and we were, it was like.

• 14:35Speaker 01

  Boards and Blades, fucking rock.

• 14:36Matt McCusker?

  Apollo must have, it was, it was insane. It was like a god among us. We're like, dude. Dude, I heard he has like four fucking sponsors and we're like, oh.

• 14:43Speaker 01

  You'd see, you'd see the purple Lambo in town when I was going to Westchester.

• 14:47Matt McCusker?

  This is pre-Lambo days.

• 14:48Speaker 01

  Holy shit, there he is.

• 14:49Matt McCusker?

  Oh, that's crazy.

• 14:50Speaker 01

  Drive through, you'd drive past that Wawa by tires.

• 14:55Matt McCusker?

  No, this is, this was what, he just was sponsored and he was like a very nasty skateboarder.

• 14:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:00Matt McCusker?

  And then the thing came out afterwards, but everyone was like, dude, Bam is like the best skater in this area.

• 15:04Speaker 02

  I used to work at a Burger King in Westchester and they would come by all the time. It's pretty cool.

• 15:09Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 15:09Speaker 02

  Yeah. Oh, there was the one guy who didn't like mustard. I always offer him mustard.

• 15:17Speaker 02

  I can't remember his name.

• 15:18Speaker 01

  Who didn't like mustard and you offered him mustard?

• 15:20Speaker 02

  I only was offered a mustard. He was like, haha.

• 15:23Speaker 01

  And he got, he got a kick out of it.

• 15:25Speaker 02

  He liked it.

• 15:27Speaker 01

  You're doing a little CKY prank on them.

• 15:30Matt McCusker?

  What time period? When, when were you serving the king?

• 15:33Speaker 02

  Uh, dude, from like oh eight to twenty twelve.

• 15:35Speaker 01

  In Westchester?

• 15:36Speaker 02

  And not in West Town, like down the highway across the street.

• 15:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 15:40Speaker 02

  Near the, near the giant.

• 15:42Matt McCusker?

  So you were, you were, you were serving the burgers this year? You were a burger server?

• 15:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:50Matt McCusker?

  And you, they jackass guys roll in, you'd be like?

• 15:52Speaker 02

  They'd just come, you're like, ew. Wee man, I saw wee man drive, wee man would come in the drive thru.

• 15:57Speaker 01

  You saw a wee man?

• 15:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, he would come in the drive thru. Like pedals, he'd have like stilts.

• 16:05Matt McCusker?

  It's fucking Forrest Gump, dude. The very Forrest Gump.

• 16:10Speaker 02

  I met the lead singer of Lamb of God last week on like a Wednesday, just like at a bar in Virginia. He was just hanging out and I was like, oh shit, what's up dude? Yeah, that's pretty cool.

• 16:21Matt McCusker?

  He's fucking sick. I'll be honest, the metal guys, I've never gotten into metal.

• 16:25Speaker 02

  Really?

• 16:26Matt McCusker?

  No, and I wouldn't, I always hear they're like super nice and everything. I just wouldn't, I wouldn't even know.

• 16:30Speaker 02

  I feel like they're like either really fun hangs or really tough hangs.

• 16:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 16:35Speaker 02

  The metal guys.

• 16:37Matt McCusker?

  It's also gotta suck if your like metal band starts doing well and you're just not like super angry anymore.

• 16:42Speaker 01

  You're not evil.

• 16:43Matt McCusker?

  They're like, all right dude, get up there and you're like, ahh. And you're like, dude, I just wanna dance right now so well. Things are going good for me the first time. I have a hot goth babe.

• 16:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:55Speaker 02

  I was thinking that about R and B singers. It has to be like kinda sad to like sing about pussy still in your fifties.

• 17:02Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 17:03Speaker 01

  I don't know. I feel like fifty year old dudes.

• 17:05Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 17:06Speaker 01

  I think they all sing about pussy. Like at all times.

• 17:09Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I, I think there's a slight dip for a minute and then you get old enough and you're just like, no, there's fucking rules.

• 17:16Speaker 01

  The horniest.

• 17:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 17:18Speaker 01

  Once the babes, yeah, when you're fifty and you see a fucking hot twenty-two year old, it must be.

• 17:23Matt McCusker?

  Dude, you're sorry.

• 17:24Speaker 01

  Chaos, dude.

• 17:25Speaker 02

  One divorce.

• 17:26Speaker 01

  Cause you go through a phase where you're like, I'm too old.

• 17:28Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 17:28Speaker 01

  And then you go through a phase where it'd be like, if I can fuck this girl, everyone, everyone's gonna support this.

• 17:36Speaker 01

  No one's gonna think it's weird.

• 17:37Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you go, you go from being like, I'm like the oldest guy in this bar, I'm feeling like a creep. And then you're like, what, what college are you going to, babe?

• 17:45Speaker 01

  Yeah. Look at your friends, you guys are beautiful. Oh God, what I'd give for a night with you.

• 17:54Matt McCusker?

  I think your fear of death and your horniness just merge and they, they just combine into like the most powerful force.

• 17:59Speaker 01

  It also goes from, you reach a certain, like our age, now we're tricking a young girl.

• 18:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 18:05Speaker 01

  But then when you get old, she's kinda tricking you a little.

• 18:08Matt McCusker?

  That's true.

• 18:08Speaker 01

  Society looks at it that way.

• 18:09Matt McCusker?

  I, yeah, I could see that. That's fair. You're a victim. You're an unfortunate victim.

• 18:12Speaker 01

  You're an unfortunate, yeah, like he's, he's a rich old man, this young fucking money grubbing bitch.

• 18:18Matt McCusker?

  Yep.

• 18:19Speaker 01

  Actually, shout out to him.

• 18:21Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 18:23Speaker 01

  Fuck it.

• 18:23Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 18:24Speaker 01

  You know what I mean? That's why everyone was going to Bill Belichick and I was up there saying, what are we talking about?

• 18:29Matt McCusker?

  I mean, I'll be honest, the Bill Belichick thing is, fuck it's, it's, he should just smash. My thing is like, just smash on the low, the fucking.

• 18:39Speaker 01

  He's, he's doing Instagram, he's laying, he's.

• 18:42Matt McCusker?

  It's too horny. That, that you have to, if you wanna do that, don't understand what smash on the low.

• 18:46Speaker 01

  Care.

• 18:47Matt McCusker?

  Clearly.

• 18:50Speaker 02

  Also, think about all the time he sacrificed.

• 18:53Speaker 01

  He won so many Super Bowls.

• 18:54Matt McCusker?

  That's true.

• 18:55Speaker 01

  Who's gonna talk shit?

• 18:56Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 18:57Speaker 01

  They're like, hey, man, I think it's weird you're banging a, a young twenty year fucking five year old hot chick. Why are you going to a cheerleading competition? It's like, bro, shut the fuck up.

• 19:07Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but, but I think it would just be, after a while, that will fade. It'll be, I'm having sex with a hot young chick, awesome. The minute you're putting up with hot young chick bullshit at seventy, it's just like, bro, kill me.

• 19:22Speaker 01

  I bet he, I bet he can't.

• 19:25Matt McCusker?

  Think he doesn't?

• 19:25Speaker 01

  Process it.

• 19:27Matt McCusker?

  No way.

• 19:27Speaker 01

  He's so old.

• 19:28Matt McCusker?

  Anyone can understand, actually, yeah, just being like.

• 19:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, shut up. Like I give a fuck, shut up.

• 19:40Speaker 01

  He's not a bitch, dude. He's not one of us. He's not gonna be like, yeah, whatever you say, I'm sorry, you're right. No, he'd be like, yeah, why don't you fucking get out of my ass?

• 19:49Matt McCusker?

  You think? Maybe that's the news hating on him, they make it seem like he's getting strung along.

• 19:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, Bill Belichick would never be an obsession.

• 19:56Speaker 01

  Win like that.

• 19:57Matt McCusker?

  I will say, here's what I'll say, here's what, this is the one thing that I feel like is strange where it's like,

• 20:03Matt McCusker?

  at, how old is he now?

• 20:06Speaker 01

  Probably close to 80.

• 20:07Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, my thing is like, I feel like you gotta find something else. If you're still a sex guy at 80, it's like, it's weird.

• 20:14Speaker 01

  Bro, he's the head coach of the...

• 20:16Matt McCusker?

  True, but...

• 20:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's only 74.

• 20:20Speaker 02

  He's got some drive.

• 20:21Speaker 01

  Still horny. He's the head coach of North Carolina Tar Heels, bro. He's got, he's coaching college football and banging the young... First off, they're all doing that.

• 20:29Matt McCusker?

  Yes, that's true.

• 20:30Speaker 01

  They all are. He's just the only one going on the gram, other than, uh, what's his name, at LSU. Lane Kiffin is fucking freak.

• 20:38Matt McCusker?

  I've heard, I've heard.

• 20:39Speaker 01

  Shirtless fucking post hot yogas with fucking, it's crazy.

• 20:44Matt McCusker?

  My, I, I, I do think it's, I do think as a 70 year old guy, it's, it's the same thing, like, that's why you shouldn't fuck kids, because it's weird. There's a serious asymmetry in age. If you're 70 and she's 20,

• 21:00Matt McCusker?

  you're doing the thing that everyone's like, you're not allowed to do that, but they're going, come on, man, what are you doing? I, I just think it's, I think it is weird. I get it.

• 21:08Speaker 01

  Fucking 60 year old?

• 21:09Matt McCusker?

  Huh?

• 21:10Speaker 01

  You want him to bang a 60 year old?

• 21:12Matt McCusker?

  No, he's just gotta completely stop. He's gotta just give it up.

• 21:14Speaker 02

  Is he divorced?

• 21:15Speaker 01

  What are you talking about?

• 21:16Matt McCusker?

  I'm telling you.

• 21:17Speaker 01

  Tell him to give up having sex?

• 21:18Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's 70.

• 21:20Speaker 02

  You gotta have divorced or dead wife. That's how you get a young girl on 70. Divorced or dead wife.

• 21:26Matt McCusker?

  It's weird, dude. My thing is just get, get a hooker, get a hooker. If you wanna go pure sex, get a hooker.

• 21:33Speaker 02

  His bro got in trouble for that.

• 21:36Matt McCusker?

  True, his brother did get crushed. He goes, alright, we're gonna fuck it, we're gonna go right to the source.

• 21:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:40Matt McCusker?

  We're gonna buy the cow.

• 21:42Speaker 01

  Somehow you're wrong. This is the patriot way, bro.

• 21:44Matt McCusker?

  I don't like it. I don't think it's good. You have to, the only path to true happiness is virtue. If you're 70 years old, it's a beast, bro.

• 21:54Speaker 01

  He's a beast.

• 21:56Matt McCusker?

  That's not the good life, dude. The only-

• 21:59Speaker 01

  That's not the good life?

• 22:00Matt McCusker?

  Not, no.

• 22:00Speaker 01

  Super Bowl, couple of Super Bowls, head coach of college team.

• 22:03Matt McCusker?

  That's all, that stuff's awesome.

• 22:05Speaker 01

  Just-

• 22:05Matt McCusker?

  But you, you have to go the way of virtue.

• 22:08Speaker 02

  I bet you he's banging her friends too.

• 22:10Matt McCusker?

  No, he's not, dude.

• 22:11Speaker 01

  I bet, dude. He might be barely banging her.

• 22:15Speaker 02

  Nah, man, he got the Bluetooth on deck, dude.

• 22:17Matt McCusker?

  I'm telling you, I'm telling you, it's, he should be setting an example for young men to go, hey guy, he should be on the misty mountain, that's just, I don't know. It's sad. I, there's something about, it just, it's my honest reaction. I'm not saying he could do whatever he wants.

• 22:30Speaker 01

  I forgot the other Patriots.

• 22:31Speaker 02

  Well, dude, you just gotta think about like-

• 22:32Speaker 01

  Vable Patriot.

• 22:33Matt McCusker?

  Who's Vable?

• 22:34Speaker 01

  Vable, he's got some scandal.

• 22:37Matt McCusker?

  Does he really?

• 22:39Speaker 02

  Dude, you just gotta like, uh, it's like, it's like, uh, he's been working so hard his whole life. He, he had a wife, he wasn't focused on any of that. And then he's retired and now he's like, what the hell am I doing? Let me live, I'm rich, let me hang out, let me be the best.

• 22:54Speaker 01

  What?

• 22:54Matt McCusker?

  It's consumer, it's consumerism.

• 22:56Speaker 01

  Is that Mermaid Instagram?

• 22:56Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 22:57Speaker 04

  Uh, well, that's hilarious, but just, this is just another Instagram, but seeing a 74 year old dude like, posted up at like a farty, uh, party photo station.

• 23:09Speaker 04

  Giving his lady funny years.

• 23:12Matt McCusker?

  I'm anti, I'm anti. There's something that strikes me as slightly sad about it. Young babes are obviously awesome. They are obviously awesome.

• 23:20Speaker 01

  You can definitely look at it that way.

• 23:22Matt McCusker?

  I do, no, it's just my natural reaction. I go, ah, I don't like it.

• 23:25Speaker 02

  We do have to hurt the value of young babes. They're too confident. They're too powerful right now.

• 23:30Matt McCusker?

  You think so?

• 23:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:31Matt McCusker?

  Nah, that's, that's a, they're like gold, dude. They don't go down.

• 23:35Speaker 02

  We need to get the babes in trade school.

• 23:41Matt McCusker?

  I'm sorry to sour the vibe, I'm just being honest, I just-

• 23:43Speaker 01

  I don't think you're souring the vibe.

• 23:44Matt McCusker?

  I see that and I go, Belichick. It's weird. And here's, here's, here's the gauge, it probably goes, I have kids, but I'm like, if my 20 year old daughter was dating a 70 year old, I'd try to stop. I'd do everything in my power to be like, no, don't do that. That guy, you're his sex doll.

• 23:59Speaker 02

  But Matt, what if he had six Super Bowl rings?

• 24:02Matt McCusker?

  Mm-mm. It's bad. It's gonna end up bad.

• 24:06Speaker 01

  He's gonna die.

• 24:07Matt McCusker?

  True, I hopefully, yeah. And I would be going, I hope this guy dies as soon as possible.

• 24:12Speaker 01

  Hopefully do heroin and shit. I hope he does heroin. I hope North Carolina goes eight and four. He does heroin and bangs a fucking 25 year old.

• 24:25Matt McCusker?

  It's philosophical rift. There's no way. It's bad. It's genuinely bad. I would go, this is a bad thing this guy's doing. I would prey on his downfall the entire time. I go, I hope this guy dies now. If he was dating my 20 year old kid, I go, I want this guy to die. Cause he's being crazy. It's weird. But whatever, sorry. I'm just, I've been up too early. I'm thinking of my sweet kids, dude.

• 24:49Speaker 01

  That's fair.

• 24:50Matt McCusker?

  But yeah.

• 24:51Speaker 01

  You got a hard line on this one. I like it.

• 24:53Matt McCusker?

  What if it was like, I'm not even hard line. I just think, I was like, it's weird.

• 24:56Speaker 02

  What if it was like a legendary?

• 24:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 24:58Speaker 01

  No, I don't think anyone thinks it's normal. That's why it's funny.

• 25:02Matt McCusker?

  It's not, yeah, I have the least funny take. I'm sorry.

• 25:04Speaker 01

  That's okay.

• 25:06Matt McCusker?

  Actually, it's not nice.

• 25:10Speaker 02

  What if it was like a legendary lesbian old lady coach? Would you have a problem then?

• 25:15Speaker 01

  With your daughter?

• 25:16Matt McCusker?

  Hundred percent.

• 25:17Speaker 01

  Anybody doing something weird with a daughter is definitely a no.

• 25:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:24Matt McCusker?

  I don't know. I, I like the idea of a geezer going on like a vision quest. Where it's like completely detaching and just going off like Obi-Wan, Obi-Wan. And just, there's something about it, like an 80 year olds, like gripping sensory pleasures. It's like, fuck dude, let him go.

• 25:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:41Matt McCusker?

  You're gonna fucking die. Let go of her titties, dude. You're gonna die.

• 25:46Speaker 02

  Really? Dude, but they're always like fucking at old folks, at old folks homes.

• 25:51Matt McCusker?

  Also disgusting to think about.

• 25:53Speaker 01

  Without a doubt disgusting, but come on, man.

• 25:56Matt McCusker?

  I know.

• 25:57Speaker 01

  You don't want him to still have life?

• 25:59Matt McCusker?

  He can have life. Well, this is again.

• 26:01Speaker 01

  Who are you to tell people not to have sex?

• 26:04Matt McCusker?

  I'm not saying don't have sex. Trust me, as one who's been ruled by sexual impulses, it's never led me to a good place.

• 26:11Speaker 01

  Is it because you're afraid, you were hoping someday to conquer the sexual impulse? And to see a man fall to it, it brings you a little?

• 26:17Matt McCusker?

  Perhaps. It might, it might just, it might just remind me of my greatest weaknesses and fucking struggles in life.

• 26:23Speaker 01

  To me, it's like, you know, seeing an old man smoke a cigarette or at the bar, you go, right, bro.

• 26:29Matt McCusker?

  True. Yeah.

• 26:31Speaker 01

  Find what you love and let it kill you.

• 26:33Matt McCusker?

  It's true.

• 26:34Speaker 01

  Are you gonna fucking get morals at the end? Now that I'm seventy-five, it's time for me to stop enjoying the things I used to like and read a good book and fall asleep and die. Nah.

• 26:46Matt McCusker?

  Could be.

• 26:46Speaker 02

  That's why Ric Flair rules, dude.

• 26:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, Ric Flair fucking rules.

• 26:49Speaker 02

  Ric Flair rules.

• 26:50Speaker 01

  I got hammered with Flair and he was pointing at chicks at the bar, like, yeah, yeah. Don't get me wrong, it was like.

• 26:58Speaker 01

  But, like, fuck yeah.

• 27:00Matt McCusker?

  He's doing his thing. It's just, you know, I'm getting old, I'm getting cranky.

• 27:03Speaker 01

  Hitting a fucking woo at the bar?

• 27:05Matt McCusker?

  That's sick. That's undeniable sick.

• 27:06Speaker 01

  He's doing a fucking Migos music video? Fucking right.

• 27:11Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 27:12Speaker 02

  The dirt sheets were saying Ric Flair would get drunk and challenge people to planks at the bar. Like, old man Ric Flair would challenge people to planks, he'd do a five-minute plank, like, you owe me some beer.

• 27:23Matt McCusker?

  Five-minute planks, nuts.

• 27:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:26Matt McCusker?

  Whatever, I've soured the cast, I'm sorry, dude. I've soured the cast.

• 27:30Speaker 01

  There's you.

• 27:31Matt McCusker?

  I've absolutely soured the cast.

• 27:32Speaker 01

  Nothing you're saying is incorrect.

• 27:34Matt McCusker?

  I just.

• 27:36Speaker 01

  I like, though, who's, uh, somebody was just telling me this old UFC fighter has a bar. There's, I like when, like, an old wrestler. Old UFC, is it Liddell? No.

• 27:44Speaker 04

  It's Tito Ortiz.

• 27:45Speaker 01

  Tito Ortiz.

• 27:46Speaker 04

  Yeah, he's running Florida right now.

• 27:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:49Matt McCusker?

  He's gotta be, he's got a bar and he just posts up?

• 27:51Speaker 01

  Yeah. Just bar tens, rip shots.

• 27:54Speaker 02

  That's sick.

• 27:55Speaker 01

  Tells everybody, I'll beat the fuck out of you.

• 27:59Speaker 01

  Fuck yeah.

• 27:59Speaker 02

  I knocked out Chuck Liddell once.

• 28:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:02Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I mean, you gotta do something, I don't know. I just, I, I don't know.

• 28:06Speaker 01

  Sure, you could be around for your grandkids or whatever, but.

• 28:11Speaker 01

  Fuck them kids, dude, I'm gonna open a bar in Florida and fucking die.

• 28:18Speaker 02

  That's how Hulk Hogan died.

• 28:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, Hulkamania?

• 28:21Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 28:21Speaker 01

  Didn't he open a bar down there? Yeah, Hulkamania fucking rocks, dude.

• 28:26Matt McCusker?

  I'm telling you, I'm too virtue pilled right now. I'm too, not, not, and again, we're not talking about, apparently in medieval times, there was the virtues where you just do cool stuff and you'd be a noble fucking, a noble person like this.

• 28:38Speaker 01

  You'd be bummed out when you find out what they were up to back then.

• 28:41Matt McCusker?

  They, well, they had, they had blind spots, obviously. They had blind spots. They did have blind spots. So, I don't know, but it is, it's a sick idea. It's like, what else? Yeah, I don't know what else you do. I'm also a big, I don't feel like stuff, like when good things happen, I'm like, okay. So, if I was 80 having sex with a 24 year old, it would just be, I'm gonna be sick the first couple of times, obviously, but then I would just go, well, what else am I gonna do?

• 29:04Speaker 02

  It wouldn't be sick the whole time, Matt.

• 29:06Matt McCusker?

  Huh?

• 29:06Speaker 02

  It wouldn't be sick the whole time.

• 29:07Matt McCusker?

  No, for sure not. For sure not, because eventually.

• 29:10Speaker 01

  It never is.

• 29:11Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Eventually, it's just like.

• 29:13Speaker 01

  I mean, Jay-Z cheated on Beyonce, you know?

• 29:17Speaker 01

  Eventually you go, I could do something else.

• 29:22Speaker 01

  But he's got the season to look forward to.

• 29:24Matt McCusker?

  He does have the season.

• 29:25Speaker 01

  He's got lock in for the Tar Heels.

• 29:26Matt McCusker?

  I mean, dude, imagine, okay, imagine.

• 29:29Speaker 01

  Bit of a distraction.

• 29:30Matt McCusker?

  So you know she probably hit him with the like, so I was thinking maybe this weekend we go to my parents' house. Imagine Belichick coming like, what the fuck?

• 29:39Speaker 01

  Clemson this week, we gotta.

• 29:41Matt McCusker?

  You're trying to grill hot dogs?

• 29:43Speaker 01

  Honey, honey, we gotta focus on Clemson.

• 29:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, she's occasionally on the sideline.

• 29:52Matt McCusker?

  That's fair, that's fair.

• 29:53Speaker 01

  It's a great program.

• 29:55Matt McCusker?

  She's probably good, don't just say that's why they gave her the job, dude. She's probably really good at what she does. What does she do?

• 30:03Speaker 01

  Matt hit the fucking virtue weed.

• 30:07Speaker 01

  The good guy weed.

• 30:12Speaker 01

  A little token of that good guy.

• 30:15Matt McCusker?

  I'm hung up on the virtues, dude. We need, people need, not, again, not just like the rule following, kind of medieval virtue, I'm talking about truly fucking.

• 30:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:26Matt McCusker?

  I love that shit.

• 30:28Speaker 01

  Virtue?

• 30:28Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 30:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:30Matt McCusker?

  I mean, it is. It's the, you know, again, it's the, uh, what you gonna call it? That was Socrates' big thing. He's like, dude, if you had an itchy butt for your whole life and you scratched the itch, but the itch remained, is that truly pleasure?

• 30:42Speaker 01

  Sheesh.

• 30:43Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude. And I said, fuck Socrates. I have an itchy butt all the time. And no, it's not pleasure.

• 30:48Speaker 01

  Scratching it's such a pleasure.

• 30:49Matt McCusker?

  Scratch is a pleasure, but the itch remains forever. So is that truly pleasure?

• 30:53Speaker 01

  So then what, yeah, what, so the itch is gonna remain no matter what?

• 30:56Matt McCusker?

  You gotta clean your butt.

• 30:57Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, of course. But in that, in that analogy.

• 31:01Matt McCusker?

  Well, is that the highest good? That's the question. Is that the highest good? He's like, if the itch remains, is it truly the highest good?

• 31:09Speaker 01

  No, it can't be the highest good, but definitely if the itch is gonna remain no matter what, and when you scratch it, it feels good.

• 31:17Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 31:18Speaker 01

  You just get a little respite from the, little respite from the itch.

• 31:22Matt McCusker?

  True. I mean, again, that is, that was the other one, dude. There's too much.

• 31:24Speaker 01

  But I don't think.

• 31:25Matt McCusker?

  There's too much tension on the bow. The bow.

• 31:26Speaker 01

  I don't think a hot 25-year-old girlfriend is an itchy butt.

• 31:31Matt McCusker?

  I'd say they might, it could be itchy butt. They're the best version of an itchy butt, for sure.

• 31:36Speaker 01

  Compared to a ugly seven-year-old wife?

• 31:38Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 31:39Speaker 01

  They can be a real itchy butt.

• 31:40Speaker 02

  Who knows?

• 31:41Speaker 01

  No scratch.

• 31:42Matt McCusker?

  They could be an itchy butt.

• 31:43Speaker 01

  With zero scratch.

• 31:44Matt McCusker?

  They could be an itchy butt for sure.

• 31:45Speaker 02

  And she knows everything about you, you know? An old seven-year-old wife who knows everything about you? She could hurt you so bad.

• 31:52Matt McCusker?

  I think you would go, you would go post-sex by 70, you're not, you're gonna be, I think you would move beyond it for the most part. Or you'd just get, like I said, you know, maintenance hand jobs, work on your garden. I'm subscribing to my life.

• 32:07Matt McCusker?

  See, really into gardening, dude. I don't know what the fuck you guys are talking about. You guys are jerks.

• 32:14Matt McCusker?

  You guys are fucking jerks.

• 32:15Speaker 01

  You gotta, you gotta get NCAA. You gotta run a program, run the Tar Heels. Lock in, live a day in, you know, walk a mile in his shoes.

• 32:25Matt McCusker?

  We should Freaky Friday.

• 32:27Speaker 01

  You and Bill?

• 32:28Matt McCusker?

  No, we should Freaky Friday. We should Freaky Friday, but just not.

• 32:31Speaker 01

  I can't do anything else than what I do. I know what I do. I'm not, I can't.

• 32:36Matt McCusker?

  No, we should Freaky Friday, but not switch bodies. You just show up at my house like, hey babe, I'm back.

• 32:46Speaker 01

  I wonder how many days it would take for them to accept it.

• 32:52Speaker 01

  I think after a decade, they'd be like, yeah.

• 32:55Matt McCusker?

  You could.

• 32:55Speaker 01

  That's Matt.

• 32:56Matt McCusker?

  You could trick, you could for real, if we both committed, dude, a girl would believe it in like three days. You're like, no, for real. It's me, babe. I can just tell you our anniversary and she'd be like, oh my God, it's you.

• 33:07Speaker 01

  Yeah. She's like, yeah, if she asks like, where'd you put the vacuum? I'd be like, I don't fucking know. She'd be like, it is you.

• 33:21Matt McCusker?

  How the fuck should I know?

• 33:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, you could trick women into Freaky Friday.

• 33:24Matt McCusker?

  Easy, easily.

• 33:25Speaker 01

  We did Freaky Friday.

• 33:26Matt McCusker?

  We Freaky Friday'd. She'd be like, what happened? I'd be like, it was a lightning storm. We touched the same rock and we Freaky Friday'd.

• 33:31Speaker 02

  We just had a big argument.

• 33:36Speaker 02

  So you think it's so easy, Matt?

• 33:44Matt McCusker?

  We jumped in the pool, we jumped in the pool at the same time.

• 33:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, me and Lamise could Freaky Friday. We wouldn't know.

• 33:58Speaker 01

  I would just go, god damn, I got fucking wasted. I woke up in the pool house. Anyway.

• 34:03Matt McCusker?

  Take like three days.

• 34:04Speaker 01

  Jack off and play video games. Hey, do you want to order pizza rolls?

• 34:07Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 34:11Speaker 02

  Pizza rolls are treacherous.

• 34:12Matt McCusker?

  That's so funny.

• 34:15Matt McCusker?

  Here we go. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.

• 34:20Matt McCusker?

  Even today, there's still significant, there's still significant stigma around seeking support for mental health. BetterHelp's 2026 State of the Stigma Report surveyed, you ready for this? 2,000 Americans have revealed that 85% of Americans believe that getting support is wise. Yet 74% say society discourages people from doing so. Hmm. Wow, that's, I didn't know that, but I didn't know about that study. That's, just trying to take that all in right now. I've experienced it myself, guys. Let me, let me talk about some time when I experienced stigma around mental health and/or getting support.

• 34:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:57Matt McCusker?

  Spoiler of that happened. Um, I mean, this is actually deeply personal. I don't like to talk about it, but I, I begged my parents. Uh, when I was younger, I had severe mental health issues and I begged them to send me to a, a camp for the summer. That would make me like girls again. And, uh, they refused. They said, no, you're not, you don't need that therapy.

• 35:15Speaker 01

  You don't need any of that therapy, boy.

• 35:16Matt McCusker?

  Crap, son. You just gotta work hard. You'll forget about it. And I said, Mom, I really need help. I need to go to the camp with the priests. They're gonna help me like girls again. I said, get out of here, boy. Get out there and sow the fields. And I said, yes, I'm.

• 35:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:30Matt McCusker?

  And, uh, yeah, and they stigmatized me pretty bad, but.

• 35:33Speaker 01

  That's okay. You can't, you got out of it.

• 35:34Matt McCusker?

  I did. Nothing should, I, I went to the camp. I did what I had to do. Nothing should stop you from getting help when you need it. That's also why, as the world's largest online therapy platform, BetterHelp makes finding a therapist a breeze. Just answer a few questions and get matched. And it's, if it's not a good fit, you can easily switch to someone else. No problem, no judgment.

• 35:55Speaker 01

  That's, that's nice. Don't let stigma stand in the way of support. Start therapy with BetterHelp. They help with the better. Sign up and get 10% off of betterhelp.com slash MSSP. That's better H E L P dot com slash MSSP.

• 36:11Matt McCusker?

  Guys, August 7th, San Jose, California. Also, August 8th, San Jose, Spokane, Washington, August 13th and 14th. I'll be doing stand-up there as well. And then in the fall, it all kicks off Portland, Maine, Boston, Royal Oaks, Michigan, Milwaukee, Charlotte, Jacksonville, Atlanta, Chattanooga. Go to mattmccusker.com, a bunch of more cities, uh, if you want to get tickets. I'll be doing stand-up up until December 19th, and then we'll figure it out from there.

• 36:33Speaker 01

  Wow. You're going wild.

• 36:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 36:36Speaker 01

  Uh, July 17th, uh, at Lincoln Financial Field. They just put out some, uh, new tickets there. They reconfigured the stage, so some more tickets are available. Uh, and then in Charleston, August 8th, Charleston.

• 36:51Speaker 01

  Check it out.

• 36:54Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I don't know. I sour the cast. I apologize.

• 37:01Speaker 01

  Fucking weed.

• 37:04Speaker 01

  In your head about it. There's nothing wrong.

• 37:06Matt McCusker?

  I know, I know. I'm totally chill. What are you talking about?

• 37:08Speaker 01

  Fucking chill, dude. I don't care that Bill Belichick has a 25-year-old son.

• 37:13Matt McCusker?

  I don't, I don't, again, I don't wish him any, I have no ill will towards him. I just go, I don't know.

• 37:19Speaker 01

  It's odd.

• 37:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 37:21Speaker 01

  But.

• 37:22Matt McCusker?

  It's odd, dude. My problem is, again, if he, if he's seven years old and he's smashing on the low and he's going like, I just can't get the dog out of me, fair. When he's like taking Instagram pictures with her, it's like, bro, you're pigging out. You have to chill. That's part of the kink. It's part of his kink to walk around.

• 37:39Speaker 01

  It could be.

• 37:39Matt McCusker?

  He's like got a Billy Madison thing going.

• 37:43Speaker 01

  The way I look at it, and I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt, is just like, yeah, what, what's Instagram? Sure.

• 37:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, she likes this shit. I don't give a fuck. He doesn't have Instagram. He's not looking at anything. He's probably genuinely like, yeah, I don't fucking know. Yeah, I'm more worried about, uh, we got Marilyn next week.

• 38:03Speaker 02

  It's for, I don't care if you take pictures. I don't care if you sit next to him. Don't take pictures with him.

• 38:10Speaker 02

  He's full Sterling.

• 38:12Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, and again, I guess, you know.

• 38:16Matt McCusker?

  Sacrifice, just a sacrificial babe. Sacrifice the Patriots.

• 38:22Speaker 01

  There's been many.

• 38:23Matt McCusker?

  To be fair, and this is, this is a fair thing too.

• 38:25Speaker 01

  Sacrifice of the altar of the New England Patriots.

• 38:27Matt McCusker?

  I will say this. It does take two to tango. So, you know.

• 38:31Speaker 01

  That was my original point.

• 38:32Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it does take two to tango.

• 38:33Speaker 01

  At a certain age, it's like.

• 38:36Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 38:37Speaker 01

  This is a decision.

• 38:38Matt McCusker?

  Oh, for sure. She made it.

• 38:39Speaker 01

  She's 25 or 26. It's a decision they're making.

• 38:42Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, 25. I thought she was like 21. 26.

• 38:47Matt McCusker?

  That's not that bad, actually.

• 38:48Speaker 01

  Just got a slight idea of what's going on.

• 38:51Matt McCusker?

  I think, yeah, I think her brain just finally formed.

• 38:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, I wonder how true that is, because I've been saying, I think Rogan said it on a podcast, and we've all, as a country, just.

• 38:59Matt McCusker?

  No, no, no, I think that's, they've said that for a long time. But, I mean, how much of your brain do you, you only use 10% of your brain, so.

• 39:06Speaker 01

  And they also say that, and I don't even know what the fuck that means.

• 39:09Matt McCusker?

  I don't know either.

• 39:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's all.

• 39:10Matt McCusker?

  I think you use the whole thing.

• 39:11Speaker 01

  Everything's horse shit.

• 39:12Matt McCusker?

  I think if I cut a piece out of your brain.

• 39:14Speaker 01

  That's a major issue.

• 39:17Matt McCusker?

  Fuck, I was using that part.

• 39:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:20Matt McCusker?

  I was using that ancient brain.

• 39:21Speaker 01

  Thinks it's my left leg, and I walk weird now.

• 39:25Speaker 03

  Thanks a lot.

• 39:27Matt McCusker?

  Now that you say it, that is fucking bullshit.

• 39:29Speaker 01

  It's all horse shit.

• 39:30Matt McCusker?

  You gotta use your whole brain.

• 39:31Speaker 01

  They go, yeah, your body's fucking, 85% of water is like, no, it's not. There's no fucking water in there, I'm certain.

• 39:38Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's a fair point.

• 39:40Speaker 01

  It's all fucking horse shit.

• 39:41Matt McCusker?

  Not 85%, maybe 10. No, you're right, they say like it's 85%.

• 39:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:45Matt McCusker?

  It's gotta be 10, I have way more blood in me than water. I'm pretty sure I'm 100% blood.

• 39:51Speaker 01

  Fucking blood and shit. Mostly turds piss and blood.

• 39:57Speaker 03

  Shit, piss, jizz, and blood.

• 40:00Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, there's no water, there's only a little bit of water in my penis when I pee it out, and that's it. It's in my, water's in me for like, an hour at a time.

• 40:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:07Matt McCusker?

  And I pee it out. That does, that's my number one bug out, watch yourself.

• 40:11Speaker 01

  What's going on there, Nate?

• 40:13Speaker 03

  I real quick, but it's, I'm looking it up, it says we actually use 100% of our brain, it, yeah, it says.

• 40:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, they've always lied about that.

• 40:21Speaker 03

  It's just an urban legend.

• 40:22Matt McCusker?

  They're probably listening to this conversation.

• 40:23Speaker 01

  It's all urban legends, every single thing. I was listening to some shit yesterday, like Knock on Wood comes from an ancient thing where pagans used to touch.

• 40:31Matt McCusker?

  Ritual, did you see the thing about birthdays?

• 40:33Speaker 01

  Shut up.

• 40:34Matt McCusker?

  Did you see the, I watched the same thing about birthdays, you're, you're doing like some weird pagan witchcraft.

• 40:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, oh, the people that couldn't write?

• 40:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 40:41Speaker 01

  Fucking a thousand years ago, that's where we're taking all our shit from? No, it's not.

• 40:45Matt McCusker?

  You're actually ma, I watched the thing, it said you're making yourself older every time you do your birthday, because you're like, doing some weird spell, and it's, it was like.

• 40:53Speaker 01

  Somebody talks to me about spells, or ancient anything, they say, you need to shut up.

• 40:58Matt McCusker?

  My theory on the birthday, they turn the lights off.

• 41:00Speaker 01

  Computer time.

• 41:00Matt McCusker?

  I always thought the birthday was, you turn the lights off to simulate the darkness of the vaginal canal, and the candle lights, or it's like the world, and you're coming out to it.

• 41:08Speaker 01

  And I think people just like candles.

• 41:10Matt McCusker?

  The lights, oh, they turned the lights out for the candles.

• 41:13Speaker 01

  Yeah. Not everything's got some deep ancient meaning.

• 41:16Matt McCusker?

  I don't know. I feel like, I think vaginal resimulating, it's your birth again. You're, it's dark and you're going, sitting in front of everyone, fucking baby.

• 41:24Speaker 01

  And everyone's surprised you.

• 41:29Speaker 01

  Someone slaps you.

• 41:36Speaker 01

  That's an interesting one. Where'd you hear that?

• 41:37Matt McCusker?

  Made it up.

• 41:38Speaker 01

  Oh, nice.

• 41:40Matt McCusker?

  I made that up. Cause I was really thinking about it one day. I'm like, it's gotta be something.

• 41:43Speaker 01

  I don't think.

• 41:44Matt McCusker?

  They, can we look up where they, why you light candles and do all that shit?

• 41:48Speaker 01

  It's gonna say pagans.

• 41:51Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 41:53Speaker 01

  Apparently pagans invented everything.

• 41:54Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Easter bunny, apparently. Easter bunny is, that's an easy one. I think that was just a spring. That was like Freya, the goddess. And then, you know, we're just like, yeah, keep some of that shit in here. Cause we did have to appease the pagans. There were so many fucking pagans.

• 42:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:07Matt McCusker?

  So we did have to appease them. But I don't, I don't like the whole magic ritual. Like every time you do this, you're actually doing an ancient magic ritual. Demons are entering your mind. Like, yeah, like Knock on Wood was the one I watched. Like you're actually summoning an evil force. But.

• 42:23Speaker 01

  Turns out Knock on Wood was like a little, or like Touch Wood is a, it's from like playing tag.

• 42:30Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 42:30Speaker 01

  And yeah, a tree would be base. And if you touched wood, you were safe.

• 42:35Matt McCusker?

  Oh, really?

• 42:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:36Matt McCusker?

  I don't, I don't.

• 42:37Speaker 01

  It's from like the 17 or 1800s.

• 42:38Matt McCusker?

  I've gotten out of the habit of knocking on wood, by the way.

• 42:41Speaker 01

  It's good.

• 42:42Matt McCusker?

  I've stopped. I'm like, I'm not doing this. This is dumb. That would feel, seriously, like that is really better Knock on Wood than something bad.

• 42:47Speaker 01

  Oh, really?

• 42:48Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. I was like very superstitious, dude. I'd be like, if I don't knock on wood, something bad could happen. So.

• 42:52Speaker 01

  Something bad's gonna happen.

• 42:54Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 42:54Speaker 01

  Something real bad.

• 42:55Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 42:57Speaker 01

  Think of just about the worst thing.

• 42:58Matt McCusker?

  True. No, I don't, I don't, I don't practice.

• 43:01Speaker 01

  But then some really good shit's gonna happen.

• 43:03Matt McCusker?

  Yep.

• 43:03Speaker 01

  And then, God willing, you're 75, you're the head coach of the North Carolina Tar Heels, you've won five Super Bowls.

• 43:12Speaker 01

  You're banging a 25 year old and she's going, let's take an Instagram picture and you go, fucking, I don't even know what that is.

• 43:19Matt McCusker?

  This is, this is, okay, I think I've identified it. He can, but anyone, almost anyone can bang a 25 year old. He just doesn't wanna pay for, you know what I'm saying?

• 43:29Speaker 01

  Speak for yourself, moron.

• 43:31Matt McCusker?

  No, I'm saying you could hire a prostitute. You could hire a prostitute.

• 43:35Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 43:36Matt McCusker?

  You could hire a-

• 43:37Speaker 01

  He wants to do it by the book.

• 43:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, those are forbidden deeds.

• 43:40Speaker 01

  That's a, that's not virtuous. That's a crime. I don't like that.

• 43:43Speaker 02

  Dark spells, man.

• 43:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's evil.

• 43:46Matt McCusker?

  If, my thing is if it's just about the sex, get a prostitute.

• 43:49Speaker 01

  Maybe it's not.

• 43:51Speaker 02

  What if he loves her?

• 43:52Speaker 01

  Maybe he likes having somebody fucking young in his life, again, instead of a 70 year old wife that's like, What?

• 43:59Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 44:00Speaker 01

  What are you doing? I don't wanna go do stuff.

• 44:02Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but what do they do? It's gotta be just him and her. If he hangs out with her friends, that's gonna be so fucking weird. Come on.

• 44:12Speaker 01

  What are you talking about?

• 44:16Speaker 01

  What are we talking about? He's so old. If I found out my dad divorced my mom and was on a boat with 10, 25 year olds, I'd be like, fuck it, dude.

• 44:31Speaker 01

  What are we talking about? Now, if he did it when I was a kid, I'd be like, that's fucking insane.

• 44:37Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, he's retired for sure. I get it. I, it's just, imagine though, I'm just trying to put myself in that position. I'm, I'm, I'm 70, whatever. And I'm with, like, her and three of her friends are eating pad thai and they're talking and I have to, like, pretend to care or even be randomly interested in it. That's when it's going, just get a hooker at that point.

• 44:55Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 44:56Matt McCusker?

  All the, like, extriculous, it's crazy.

• 44:58Speaker 01

  Bill Belichick, I don't know if he has to be interested and I don't think he cares to be interested. Genuinely, he's like, have you ever seen him talk?

• 45:04Matt McCusker?

  No.

• 45:05Speaker 01

  He's like, doesn't talk.

• 45:06Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 45:06Speaker 01

  He's like, yeah, okay. Yeah, next question. Yeah, we're not worried about that right now. We're already focused on the Jets. Like, there's, him eating pad thai with four 25-year-olds, he's probably just like-

• 45:18Matt McCusker?

  He's thinking of the game.

• 45:19Speaker 01

  Pad thai's pretty good. It's a little spicy. It's a little spicy.

• 45:24Matt McCusker?

  I really like him. This lady sucks my penis. It's very nice.

• 45:27Speaker 01

  I really gotta get out of here. We gotta start grinding the tape. We got, uh, week one, we got East Carolina. And last year, we, uh, our defense was terrible.

• 45:35Matt McCusker?

  Also, I didn't know she was 26 is slightly different. Cause then if she was 30, it's like-

• 45:40Speaker 02

  They've been dating for like two years, right?

• 45:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, at least.

• 45:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:46Matt McCusker?

  Alright, so he rode, he rode, he rode the weird bike. He only rode the weird bike for a couple of years.

• 45:50Speaker 01

  He's on the weird fucking unicycle for sure, dude. Here come that boy.

• 45:54Matt McCusker?

  26 is different. I thought she was like way, way young.

• 45:58Speaker 01

  I think-

• 45:59Matt McCusker?

  26-

• 45:59Speaker 01

  They met when she was rea- I think she was a cheerleader for the Patriots.

• 46:04Speaker 01

  I could be-

• 46:06Speaker 01

  There was definitely, yeah, maybe.

• 46:07Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 46:08Speaker 01

  There's definitely the ring camera footage of him leaving a house, which is, you're gonna love it, dude. It's gonna change your mind.

• 46:13Matt McCusker?

  What happened?

• 46:14Speaker 01

  Him walking out of a 20-something-year-old girl's house on a ring camera with his shirt off. It's fucking, it's hilarious, dude.

• 46:24Matt McCusker?

  Just whistling.

• 46:25Speaker 01

  Walking out to like a stone driveway, like, like-

• 46:28Matt McCusker?

  Just his hands in his pockets, whistling.

• 46:32Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I mean, look, again, 26, 26 is different.

• 46:39Speaker 01

  It's a man, dude. Fucking man.

• 46:44Matt McCusker?

  True. I mean, I could be being too puritanical.

• 46:47Speaker 01

  Bill Belichick walk is shame.

• 46:53Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's my, that's the thing. I don't wanna put him down. I'm not like anti-him or being like, I don't think that's very nice. I'm just going like, is that the best possible move? That's all. I'm asking myself, is that truly a thing to idealize?

• 47:03Speaker 01

  I do not think it's the best possible move, and I don't think too many people idolize it.

• 47:08Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 47:08Speaker 01

  I don't think so.

• 47:09Matt McCusker?

  I think you're right.

• 47:10Speaker 01

  I think he's getting made fun of a lot for it.

• 47:12Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but again, it's not like, I don't, uh, I have no animosity towards the man, that's the thing. I just go, hmm, I wonder. I wonder if that's as sweet, is it as sweet? I think a lot of people go, sweet. I go, yeah, there's always the reality of the thing, and it's never, sounds sweet. Like, I'd like to watch them have sex and masturbate to it.

• 47:37Matt McCusker?

  I'd like to observe.

• 47:40Speaker 01

  He could, yeah.

• 47:43Speaker 01

  This episode is brought to you by Quince.

• 47:46Matt McCusker?

  Nice.

• 47:46Speaker 01

  What do you know about Quince?

• 47:47Matt McCusker?

  I love Quince. I'll be, I'll be honest. They sent me the stuff and I, their boxers, they use like cot, like regular materials, not a lot of polyesters, natural fibers. I'm a, I'm a big fan.

• 47:58Speaker 01

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• 48:23Matt McCusker?

  It's pretty crazy.

• 48:24Speaker 01

  That's a bargain.

• 48:25Matt McCusker?

  Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com, get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks you where you heard about them, let them know it was Matt and Shane's secret podcast. It's the best way to support the show.

• 48:50Matt McCusker?

  No, 26 is that's, that skews things. That's, she's almost 30 and wants to, once you're, that's it.

• 48:58Speaker 01

  She was young when they met.

• 48:59Speaker 04

  Their, their meet story is, is kinda funny.

• 49:03Matt McCusker?

  What is it?

• 49:04Speaker 04

  They met in 2021 when she was still enrolled in Bridgewater State University in Massachusetts. She was reading a philosophy textbook on a plane and her and Bill Belichick, uh, chatted about her deductive logic textbook and he signed it and then that's how they met. So she was reading a textbook, doing homework on a plane and he chatted her up about her textbook.

• 49:29Speaker 01

  On a plane?

• 49:30Speaker 04

  Signed it for her, yeah, on a plane.

• 49:32Speaker 01

  This story gets hotter and hotter.

• 49:33Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 49:34Speaker 01

  On a plane, sitting next to a fucking young hot chick and be like.

• 49:37Speaker 04

  I'm not sure if he left his.

• 49:38Speaker 01

  There's no way I can get some pussy out of this. Bill, you still got it?

• 49:43Matt McCusker?

  It is nice. He was like, I like your deductive lo, that's nice deductive logic.

• 49:47Speaker 04

  Yeah. They, they struck up a conversation about philosophy and then inside the message, he said, thanks for giving me a course in logic with an exclamation point when he signed the book.

• 50:00Matt McCusker?

  Damn.

• 50:01Speaker 04

  They kept in touch and started dating in 2023. So she was probably around 24 or 25 at the time.

• 50:09Matt McCusker?

  Okay.

• 50:09Speaker 02

  She took that book to her dad and was like, look who signed this. He was like, keep going.

• 50:16Matt McCusker?

  You're on the five yard line, babe.

• 50:20Matt McCusker?

  You think they'll get married?

• 50:22Speaker 04

  I hope so.

• 50:23Matt McCusker?

  That would be actually.

• 50:24Speaker 04

  I hope so.

• 50:26Matt McCusker?

  I would support that. Although now that I say it, Socrates, to be fair, Socrates actually had a baby.

• 50:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, fuck little boys.

• 50:34Matt McCusker?

  He had a baby with a young babe before he died. He actually, so he can't really talk. He doesn't really want to talk. However, he's just, then again, it's.

• 50:41Speaker 02

  The itchy butt pedophile guy?

• 50:42Matt McCusker?

  Itchy butt pedophile. Was Socrates a pedo though?

• 50:45Speaker 04

  Hit him with rocks, dude. Throw rocks at that guy.

• 50:48Matt McCusker?

  Was, was he definitely a pedo?

• 50:51Speaker 04

  No. I don't know. I'll look, but.

• 50:54Speaker 02

  Wasn't Socrates like, uh, wasn't he like exiled though?

• 50:57Matt McCusker?

  He got killed.

• 50:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, he got, yeah.

• 50:59Matt McCusker?

  Made him drink the hemlock.

• 51:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:02Matt McCusker?

  Now I want to know if he was a pedo or not, because they apparently.

• 51:05Speaker 02

  Didn't they make him drink hemlock because he was like, the earth isn't the center of the universe? That wasn't him? Okay.

• 51:12Speaker 04

  No, that was, uh.

• 51:13Speaker 02

  Aristotle?

• 51:14Matt McCusker?

  Nope.

• 51:15Speaker 02

  Damn it.

• 51:16Speaker 04

  There's no historical evidence that Socrates engaged in pedophilic things. But, uh, since he was alive in ancient Athens, people just kind of assumed.

• 51:26Matt McCusker?

  Assume he did.

• 51:27Speaker 04

  Pederasty was institutionalized in their like mentorship.

• 51:32Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that was a big thing. Well, that was your, that was your vessel.

• 51:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 51:35Matt McCusker?

  So you had to transmit all your knowledge to a young boy and then some, for some reason.

• 51:39Speaker 02

  They knew what they were doing. That's completely made up. Yeah, that's my vessel. I'm passing my knowledge.

• 51:45Matt McCusker?

  The final act, he has to swallow, he has to jackass swallow me.

• 51:52Matt McCusker?

  My name is Blondely the third. I'm actually from, uh, I'm going to drink a gallon of Old Guy Come.

• 51:59Speaker 04

  Me, me, me, me.

• 52:00Matt McCusker?

  No, you, you could. You are broadening my horizons on this right now because I am going like, you know, she's 26, 25. It's just too much public kink. That's all for me. It's a heavy public.

• 52:13Speaker 02

  Public kink is crazy.

• 52:14Matt McCusker?

  It's heavy public kink.

• 52:15Speaker 02

  But that's again, that's where I go.

• 52:16Matt McCusker?

  Him living his life.

• 52:17Speaker 02

  I don't think he gives a fuck.

• 52:18Matt McCusker?

  No, I don't think so.

• 52:19Speaker 02

  So that's something to aspire to.

• 52:21Matt McCusker?

  True. That's fair.

• 52:27Matt McCusker?

  I agree. I don't think he cares. I think he just goes like nah.

• 52:30Speaker 01

  He hears about it nonstop. At fucking football games, coaching? If I was, if he was playing my team, I'd be, I'd be staunchly against it. I'd be screaming at the entire game.

• 52:44Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I guess that all, you know, you have to handle all that in your household, I guess. Just be like, hey, you see a six-time Super Bowl champion coach? Try, just do your best. Promise me to do your best. How to set up a sensational romance with him.

• 52:58Speaker 01

  That's all you can do.

• 53:03Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. It's crazy stuff.

• 53:05Speaker 01

  It is. It's a good episode. We covered.

• 53:08Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 53:08Speaker 01

  Bill Belichick.

• 53:09Matt McCusker?

  We did extensively.

• 53:11Speaker 01

  We got to the bottom of it.

• 53:12Matt McCusker?

  I think we did.

• 53:13Speaker 01

  Lemaire, what have you got?

• 53:15Speaker 02

  I went to Charlottesville last week and it's like a full girl town now. They like changed it. They call it Seaville. You remember Charlottesville? That was the tiki torch town?

• 53:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 53:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:29Speaker 02

  They had the big white pride march. Yeah. Yeah. It was crazy.

• 53:33Matt McCusker?

  So what was it like?

• 53:34Speaker 01

  You just saw a lot of women there?

• 53:36Speaker 02

  No, it was just like all bookstores. It wasn't anything I thought it would be.

• 53:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think it's a, like a, kind of a more liberal college town.

• 53:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. I didn't know. I mean, cause you know the march. The march is about being replaced.

• 53:48Matt McCusker?

  You thought it was gonna be.

• 53:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:50Matt McCusker?

  Southern gentlemen.

• 53:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:53Speaker 02

  Thought it'd be a little bit more aggro, but it was pretty chill. I didn't like it though. They didn't have like one GameStop. It was all girl stores. Pissed me off.

• 54:02Matt McCusker?

  Place is gone to shit.

• 54:03Speaker 01

  Books and candles.

• 54:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, all the boys got replaced, dude. They did get replaced.

• 54:06Speaker 01

  And they got rid of the GameStops.

• 54:07Speaker 02

  There's no GameStops.

• 54:08Speaker 01

  So they did replace us?

• 54:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:10Matt McCusker?

  Fuck.

• 54:11Speaker 02

  They did, they want to.

• 54:13Matt McCusker?

  No, that's a fair, if you, if you fucking, if you doing, you know.

• 54:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, if there's a unite the right.

• 54:18Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 54:19Speaker 01

  If you do a unite the right rally, they gotta get rid of the GameStops.

• 54:21Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's a penalty. Take a five-year ban on games.

• 54:24Speaker 02

  They're still, they said tiki torches are still banned there. It's been like 10 years.

• 54:28Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 54:29Speaker 02

  Tiki torches are still banned.

• 54:32Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 54:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:37Speaker 01

  It's a good pillow for it. You look like the mushroom in Mario Kart that picks up your car.

• 54:44Matt McCusker?

  Is there really a way, can you even ban that legally? I feel like you couldn't ban the sale of tiki torches.

• 54:49Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 54:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, who told you that?

• 54:51Speaker 02

  One of the people, one of the citizens.

• 54:54Matt McCusker?

  They probably don't, uh, maybe, I don't know. I wonder if they just like are slow to sell them.

• 54:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, you go, what are you doing?

• 55:00Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 55:02Speaker 01

  Promise it's a barbecue?

• 55:07Speaker 01

  Promise you're not defending a Confederate statue?

• 55:10Speaker 02

  I was saying like they grabbed the tiki torches and transformed.

• 55:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I was, I was laughing about that when I was in Minneapolis. I was like, I, when they had the whole Somali pirate thing, they're like, how could they let this go? I was just like, coming off the back of George Floyd, I could see white people being like, yeah, I'm gonna chill over, man. Right after that, be like, yeah, I don't know what the fuck these guys are. I think these black guys are up to something. What? I don't know, just keep driving, look ahead.

• 55:38Speaker 01

  Did they all actually get in, like, wasn't there, didn't that, like, wasn't that true?

• 55:43Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah, that, that, they busted it before the Nick Shirley thing, that had been, they'd already done like an extensive sting. So like, yeah, that was like completely, completely true. He just came a year later and was like, pretty sure they're up to something. It was like, yeah, dude, they did it already. They already did this thing, but maybe they, maybe they were continuing, I don't know, but, you know. It was a good scheme.

• 56:06Speaker 01

  It's a great scheme.

• 56:06Matt McCusker?

  Fake daycare is so fucking funny.

• 56:08Speaker 01

  Great scheme.

• 56:09Matt McCusker?

  It's just so funny being bored inside of your fake daycare and just being like, I really hope nobody walks in here.

• 56:14Speaker 01

  Here comes Nick Shirley and some guy screaming at you.

• 56:18Matt McCusker?

  The guy with the legal pad, it was so funny. But yeah, that was, that was my, I got a lot of shit for that, but it was really just like, they already, I like, because I looked into it, I was like, man, this is, I watched it being like, this is crazy. Then I like looked it up and I was like, oh, they already, already got these guys. Because if they brought down a heroin ring and they went to Philadelphia, like Philadelphia has a heroin problem, I'm gonna expose it. You just banged on some guy's door and you're like, yeah, he's definitely got heroin in that door. Back to you.

• 56:46Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, no, that was like millions of dollars.

• 56:48Speaker 01

  I saw some heroin fellas in Austin, I was, I was kind of surprised. Saw some boys hitting the full on fucking, hitting the limbo.

• 56:55Matt McCusker?

  I haven't seen them yet.

• 56:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, I saw two or three. They made, they're making their way, making their way down south.

• 57:00Matt McCusker?

  Coming downwards hot.

• 57:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:02Matt McCusker?

  The black tar.

• 57:04Speaker 01

  I wonder how good that feels.

• 57:06Matt McCusker?

  Heroin?

• 57:06Speaker 01

  Heroin, no, not heroin, but you know, lizarding out, laying on a rock, getting sun while you're.

• 57:12Matt McCusker?

  I think it's awesome.

• 57:14Speaker 01

  It probably feels good as hell.

• 57:15Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I think the nod's like the best part. Just fucking completely out and waking up probably sucks.

• 57:21Speaker 01

  I'm gonna look into the science of how the fuck they stay upright.

• 57:25Speaker 01

  It's pretty impressive.

• 57:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, actually, especially if you're that inebriated, like you're always kinda staying on your feet like that. I, I literally couldn't do that.

• 57:33Speaker 01

  No.

• 57:34Matt McCusker?

  I would need heroin. Yeah, I would need heroin to pull that off. Although your hamstrings probably, for real, probably get a decent stretch.

• 57:39Speaker 01

  Their deadlifts are probably crazy.

• 57:44Speaker 02

  All these guys are always strong.

• 57:46Matt McCusker?

  Well, yeah.

• 57:47Speaker 01

  You gotta be, dude.

• 57:48Matt McCusker?

  Battling the elements.

• 57:49Speaker 01

  Battling the other guys, battling the elements.

• 57:52Matt McCusker?

  When have you tested their strength? Are you talking about just how like ripped they look?

• 57:55Speaker 02

  I've just seen them, dude. Like, you ever see like a crackhead carry a fridge? Like, yeah.

• 58:00Matt McCusker?

  True, they are ripped.

• 58:03Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, how do the hell, how do they stay up?

• 58:10Matt McCusker?

  Nah, that's, don't fall for that.

• 58:16Speaker 01

  If they fall, they're gonna give it away that they're on heroin.

• 58:20Speaker 01

  Not that they're shirtless and bent at a fucking crazy angle.

• 58:26Speaker 02

  Sitting on a meanest lean.

• 58:28Matt McCusker?

  So the brain, the final part of the brain is like, don't fall. That part's on. Don't be a fucking dumbass.

• 58:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's hard to find exactly why, but yeah.

• 58:39Matt McCusker?

  I think they don't know. There's so much shit they have no idea. And scientists just can't be like, yeah, we have no clue. They're always just like, well, leading theory suggests. And you look into it, it's like, yeah, it's not proven at all.

• 58:50Matt McCusker?

  Maybe, maybe heroin rules. Maybe that's the fucking answer. Maybe it makes you better at balancing if you do like the right amount.

• 58:57Speaker 01

  Definitely does.

• 58:58Matt McCusker?

  I would imagine.

• 58:59Speaker 01

  It's incredible.

• 59:02Speaker 01

  Bent, straight down.

• 59:05Matt McCusker?

  For real, couldn't do that.

• 59:06Speaker 01

  For a long time. And usually at like a corner where there's like a little slant in the sidewalk.

• 59:10Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true. They find that divot. That's what those divots are for. We're walking, you go, finally.

• 59:18Speaker 01

  What is it saying?

• 59:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, their central nervous system is just like, they're pretty much, they're just in sleep mode.

• 59:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:24Speaker 04

  Like a computer.

• 59:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, there's still updates.

• 59:30Speaker 04

  Yeah. They're still running, but like, yeah, they're just chilling.

• 59:37Speaker 01

  It's running hot, though. It's like your station back there, that's fucking horseshit.

• 59:42Speaker 02

  That's a good station, dude.

• 59:43Speaker 01

  Your station's out of control.

• 59:46Speaker 02

  It's nice, it's pretty good. I don't do anything with it. It just looks-

• 59:49Speaker 01

  What are you talking about?

• 59:50Speaker 02

  It looks special.

• 59:50Speaker 01

  You're back there constantly.

• 59:51Speaker 02

  I'm just, yeah, I don't even, I'm not doing anything back there. I just keep looking at the screens.

• 59:59Speaker 02

  I'm like, alright, let me make something up to do-

• 1:00:01Speaker 01

  His station is-

• 1:00:03Speaker 04

  Oh, a space station?

• 1:00:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:00:06Speaker 01

  I saw the new Sopranos piece of art you brought into my house.

• 1:00:10Speaker 01

  Fucking insane, he's hanging shit on-

• 1:00:12Speaker 04

  That is like a bird's nest in there, that's crazy.

• 1:00:14Speaker 01

  I got the Rams in La Mer.

• 1:00:17Speaker 02

  That's for panties. I keep forgetting to take it to the studio. But you fixed it.

• 1:00:22Speaker 01

  I saw the LED lights. Are they going back there?

• 1:00:26Speaker 02

  That's where, that's from Timu, I, uh-

• 1:00:28Speaker 01

  Where did, no, I didn't say where it's from, I said where you put it.

• 1:00:30Speaker 02

  I just got, I don't have anywhere to put it yet, I gotta do a video for it. I don't know.

• 1:00:38Speaker 04

  Sex club, sex dungeon lighting.

• 1:00:41Speaker 02

  I don't, I don't, I just got the LED strips because they're cheap and it was within my Timu credit allowance, so I just got them.

• 1:00:49Speaker 01

  I'm not worried about where you got it.

• 1:00:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, I don't know where I'm gonna put it.

• 1:00:51Speaker 01

  If you put fucking LED lights in that shitty Sopranos drawing back there, I'm, I'm gonna be a little annoyed.

• 1:00:59Speaker 02

  The, the drawing is-

• 1:01:00Speaker 01

  I know you're not gonna take it when we move out.

• 1:01:01Speaker 02

  The painting is leaving.

• 1:01:02Speaker 01

  When I move out.

• 1:01:05Speaker 01

  You're not coming to the next place. You probably are going to the next place.

• 1:01:12Speaker 01

  We're moving on up.

• 1:01:15Speaker 02

  The paintings for, the paintings for panties, it's for panties. That's a, that's our art investment.

• 1:01:21Matt McCusker?

  You should let the mayor just do the whole house. You can get like a top interior, there would be a decorator from Milan and be like, this is, this is genius.

• 1:01:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:29Matt McCusker?

  It's like the, who's the fucking guy, Rick, Rick Owens, I think? Who's the guy that does all black vampire clothes?

• 1:01:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:36Matt McCusker?

  You know what I'm talking about? I've been sending this thing on Instagram. He wear, he wear like the, he does like the track, like the Korean Olympic team where they have like the fan suits. So you can just look like a big ball and like walk around. It's pretty sick.

• 1:01:47Speaker 01

  That's awesome.

• 1:01:48Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that, they're like watching this being like, this is the coolest shit I've ever seen. It's literally just like goth. He's just dressing people in goth shit and making them look like fucked up.

• 1:01:58Matt McCusker?

  It's just, he's like, I'm expressing anger, rage. And this is the best place to do it. It's just people at fashion week being like, this guy's the best at this.

• 1:02:07Speaker 01

  Rick Owens.

• 1:02:09Matt McCusker?

  So. The mayor might be super high, dude, LED strip on The Sopranos fucking picture.

• 1:02:13Speaker 02

  Dude, I was, I was just thinking about, I'm gonna put it under the picture so it lights it up. Yeah, under lighting, I think that might work.

• 1:02:20Speaker 01

  Have you seen The Sopranos?

• 1:02:22Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:02:24Matt McCusker?

  That's crazy.

• 1:02:26Speaker 01

  I had a feeling.

• 1:02:28Matt McCusker?

  So what, what is, what is the impulse to decorate?

• 1:02:31Speaker 02

  It's for, it's for the podcast, it's for panties.

• 1:02:34Matt McCusker?

  But you're not doing the podcast in there though, are you doing the podcast?

• 1:02:36Speaker 02

  No, no, no. I just haven't taken it to.

• 1:02:39Speaker 01

  But what about the LED lights? That was for back then, I know it was.

• 1:02:42Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:02:43Speaker 01

  That was for a stream, you're streaming.

• 1:02:45Speaker 02

  No, I'm not streaming. I don't wanna stream.

• 1:02:47Matt McCusker?

  You gotta change your OnlyFans manager.

• 1:02:51Speaker 01

  You don't wanna stream?

• 1:02:53Matt McCusker?

  You have to tell him you're streaming.

• 1:02:54Speaker 01

  We're gonna oil you up and stream.

• 1:02:58Matt McCusker?

  You gotta cut him in if you're streaming.

• 1:03:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, I would, but I'm not streaming. Doing IRL streams? No, I would never.

• 1:03:06Matt McCusker?

  That sounds like a streaming setup.

• 1:03:08Speaker 01

  Why would you not? And you have a microphone back there, you have everything.

• 1:03:11Speaker 02

  I just like talking to people when I play games. Like, yeah.

• 1:03:15Matt McCusker?

  You're just the one record button away from streaming.

• 1:03:25Speaker 01

  I like it. I like where we're at.

• 1:03:28Speaker 02

  Yeah. Now, the LED strips were just from Timu. I had to spend the credit.

• 1:03:33Speaker 01

  Christ, I'm gonna, I'm gonna do it.

• 1:03:35Speaker 02

  I had to spend the credit.

• 1:03:36Speaker 01

  Um, yeah.

• 1:03:40Speaker 02

  I don't know how to explain it.

• 1:03:42Speaker 01

  Where did you plan on putting them?

• 1:03:44Speaker 02

  I didn't have a plan.

• 1:03:45Speaker 01

  You just wanted them?

• 1:03:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:03:47Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:03:47Speaker 02

  I got some guy like a mini MP3 player too, and like a mushroom speaker. I don't know where the MP3 player is, sitting there, I think.

• 1:03:56Matt McCusker?

  Where'd you get that from?

• 1:03:57Speaker 02

  That's all T-Bro, I gotta, I gotta do a review.

• 1:04:01Matt McCusker?

  You got an MP3 player with T-Bro?

• 1:04:02Speaker 02

  I'm getting free stuff off T-Bro, I gotta do reviews.

• 1:04:06Matt McCusker?

  There we go.

• 1:04:07Speaker 02

  Try hustle.

• 1:04:09Matt McCusker?

  There we got it, we nailed it.

• 1:04:12Speaker 01

  You gotta ask him 500 fucking questions.

• 1:04:17Speaker 01

  Fucking crazy.

• 1:04:18Matt McCusker?

  So the dark truth is you're doing unboxings for T-Bro?

• 1:04:24Speaker 02

  That is my dark truth.

• 1:04:25Matt McCusker?

  No, I get it, I would keep that close to the chest.

• 1:04:27Speaker 02

  That is my dark truth.

• 1:04:29Matt McCusker?

  Doing unboxing videos?

• 1:04:32Speaker 02

  I'm about to become an unboxer, I am making unboxing videos.

• 1:04:35Speaker 01

  You are making unboxing videos?

• 1:04:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, he got one in my phone.

• 1:04:37Matt McCusker?

  Damn, you're opening it.

• 1:04:38Speaker 01

  Can I please see it?

• 1:04:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, it looks like a great studio.

• 1:04:43Speaker 02

  It's a good studio, dude, it's nice.

• 1:04:45Matt McCusker?

  With the MP3 player?

• 1:04:47Speaker 02

  No, I haven't done that yet.

• 1:04:48Speaker 01

  What studio?

• 1:04:49Speaker 02

  It's a, it's where they do Podcast Austin Studio, I believe it's called.

• 1:04:53Speaker 01

  And you're doing unboxings in there?

• 1:04:55Speaker 02

  Yeah. It's where my bro Sky, what, unboxing?

• 1:05:01Speaker 01

  Why are you against streaming?

• 1:05:02Speaker 02

  I don't know, it just feels like it would ruin games for me. I like playing games because it's fun, I don't want to make it work. What, this video? No, because uh...

• 1:05:12Speaker 01

  Maybe, I'd like to take a look at it.

• 1:05:13Speaker 02

  It's not edited, yeah.

• 1:05:14Speaker 01

  That'll be even better.

• 1:05:17Matt McCusker?

  So T-Mu will send you shit, T-Mu will send you stuff if you open it on the...

• 1:05:23Speaker 02

  They're mad at me because I haven't sent it yet, but this is a T-Mu video. This is just...

• 1:05:31Speaker 02

  Welcome back everybody and they got more stuff.

• 1:05:33Speaker 01

  I guess we can just.

• 1:05:34Speaker 02

  There's more stuff.

• 1:05:37Speaker 01

  It's a tin from the Super Mario Galaxy.

• 1:05:43Speaker 02

  It's a tin from the Super Mario Galaxy.

• 1:05:46Speaker 01

  Pretty funny.

• 1:05:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, I like the tin personally, I can hide. Trying to come from random Frank P.

• 1:05:54Speaker 01

  Is that a squishy?

• 1:05:55Speaker 02

  Good hiding. No, no squishies.

• 1:05:59Speaker 02

  It's all candies. I like the Bowser Jr. artwork on the outside. Bowser Jr. is one of the most. Under, oh, that's badass Bowser Jr. on this side, look at that.

• 1:06:09Matt McCusker?

  Are you in Chinese candy?

• 1:06:10Speaker 02

  My whole problem.

• 1:06:12Speaker 02

  Regular.

• 1:06:13Speaker 01

  Oh, okay.

• 1:06:14Speaker 02

  My whole problem was today.

• 1:06:19Speaker 02

  I told you, dude.

• 1:06:22Speaker 01

  That could be a hit.

• 1:06:26Matt McCusker?

  Having a secret unboxing show. I didn't expect that at all.

• 1:06:33Matt McCusker?

  Do you just practice like on opening shit back there?

• 1:06:40Speaker 02

  It's what I watch on YouTube and I was like, I can fucking do this. And so, yeah. I just thought about trying it.

• 1:06:46Matt McCusker?

  So they're sending you free shit if you open it up?

• 1:06:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's the goal.

• 1:06:50Matt McCusker?

  What promises do you have to make?

• 1:06:51Speaker 01

  Do they not send you free shit?

• 1:06:52Speaker 02

  Not yet.

• 1:06:53Speaker 01

  Did you buy the Mario Galaxy box?

• 1:06:54Speaker 02

  The guys who are producing it brought the Mario Galaxy, they put the box together. And there was also like a Japanese food box. Yeah, ate some weird Japanese food. There's another thing too, I can't remember what it was.

• 1:07:09Speaker 02

  Not for Masashi.

• 1:07:10Speaker 01

  Don't ask questions, he's gonna be extremely vague. You can ask five more questions. It's gonna be.

• 1:07:19Speaker 02

  There was this crab treat, it was like, actually like river crabs, they put them in a white plastic boat and you can like, eat them, they're good, pretty good.

• 1:07:29Matt McCusker?

  How, where do you, but they ship it from China?

• 1:07:31Speaker 02

  No, it's from, this isn't from Tmall, it's from a store, Asasi.

• 1:07:35Matt McCusker?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:07:35Speaker 02

  It's a Japanese store.

• 1:07:36Matt McCusker?

  You're opening up all kinds of shit.

• 1:07:38Speaker 02

  I'm opening up everything, dude.

• 1:07:41Speaker 01

  Just doing boxing grubhub.

• 1:07:45Matt McCusker?

  You should, you should for real fart max though and do an unboxing show where you fart nonstop.

• 1:07:52Speaker 01

  That would get some subscribers.

• 1:07:53Matt McCusker?

  Amazing, yeah.

• 1:07:54Speaker 01

  There's guys that would be into that.

• 1:07:55Speaker 02

  I don't like farting. I'm not a fan of farting.

• 1:07:58Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 1:07:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:59Matt McCusker?

  That's crazy. What do you do with all your farts?

• 1:08:02Speaker 02

  Wait till I sleep. I don't fart until I go to bed.

• 1:08:09Speaker 01

  You just fart?

• 1:08:13Matt McCusker?

  No way. You let them just come out of that? You hold all your farts in all day?

• 1:08:17Speaker 02

  I mean, if I have to fart, I will fart, but like, I don't, I don't really fart until I go to bed.

• 1:08:23Matt McCusker?

  Why?

• 1:08:25Speaker 02

  I just don't like farting.

• 1:08:26Matt McCusker?

  What about, what about your lady? Like, sleepover? You just save your farts till you're in bed with your lady?

• 1:08:31Speaker 01

  Holy shit, dude. That must be nuts. The snoring and farting out of this guy? His farts must be, they must be like a three minute long fart as soon as he goes to sleep.

• 1:08:43Matt McCusker?

  They've turned into a different gas altogether now.

• 1:08:45Speaker 01

  It's like fucking Mario candy and sushi.

• 1:08:49Matt McCusker?

  You're making farts, for sure.

• 1:08:51Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah, I make it farts. I'm just not like, I'm not pushing them. I'm not pushing them out.

• 1:08:57Speaker 01

  You don't push farts?

• 1:08:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, I don't push farts.

• 1:08:58Speaker 01

  You don't push for nothing.

• 1:09:01Speaker 01

  You let those farts, dude, you must be fucking full of farts.

• 1:09:06Speaker 01

  You are chock full of farts.

• 1:09:08Matt McCusker?

  Could you fart right now? Definitely.

• 1:09:09Speaker 02

  I could not fart right now.

• 1:09:11Speaker 01

  Yes, you could.

• 1:09:11Speaker 02

  I can't, dude. I can't.

• 1:09:16Speaker 01

  Be fucking up.

• 1:09:23Matt McCusker?

  Oh my god.

• 1:09:25Speaker 01

  You must be like, we're seventy-five percent water. You're definitely seventy-five percent water.

• 1:09:29Matt McCusker?

  He's a gas giant.

• 1:09:30Speaker 01

  He's filled with farts, dude.

• 1:09:32Matt McCusker?

  Have you?

• 1:09:33Speaker 01

  If you fart, you're gonna be, yeah, you're probably about eighty pounds less than you are. Naturally.

• 1:09:39Matt McCusker?

  Why won't you fart? What the hell?

• 1:09:42Matt McCusker?

  Did you get like reprimanded severely for farting? Or like, what's the, what's the, uh?

• 1:09:46Speaker 02

  Maybe.

• 1:09:47Matt McCusker?

  What's stopping you?

• 1:09:48Speaker 02

  I don't know. I've never like.

• 1:09:50Matt McCusker?

  That's your Michael Jackson secret?

• 1:09:51Speaker 01

  I love farting.

• 1:09:52Matt McCusker?

  Boy, knock them farts off.

• 1:09:53Speaker 01

  Farting rocks.

• 1:09:54Matt McCusker?

  Farting's sweet.

• 1:09:55Speaker 02

  It makes me feel gross.

• 1:09:56Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:09:57Speaker 02

  It makes me feel gross, I think.

• 1:09:58Matt McCusker?

  When you fart?

• 1:09:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:10:00Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 1:10:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:10:01Matt McCusker?

  So you don't ever cup and bring it up to see what you're wearing?

• 1:10:05Matt McCusker?

  I have the opposite. I'm like completely, I need to know what's up with my farts all the time.

• 1:10:09Speaker 02

  I do love a sneak fart. I'll take it. I like a sneak fart.

• 1:10:12Matt McCusker?

  When it slips out? Wait, dude, you farted at laser tag. It was so bad.

• 1:10:17Speaker 01

  Cleared out the fucking meeting.

• 1:10:18Matt McCusker?

  The entire time. What the fuck are you talking about?

• 1:10:21Speaker 02

  I was full of gas. I had to fart.

• 1:10:28Speaker 01

  Superman, there's zero chance you hold in farts all day. There's zero, I'd bet my fucking life on it.

• 1:10:35Speaker 01

  We got, does T-Move sell a fucking fart machine to gauge farts? There's gotta be some type of Chinese underwear.

• 1:10:45Speaker 02

  It's a thermal light. No, I mean, I don't know. I don't know what it is.

• 1:10:50Matt McCusker?

  So you wait till you're falling asleep and as you're like snoring, you just fully relax?

• 1:10:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's all farts. It's too city in my sleep.

• 1:10:59Matt McCusker?

  How do you know this if you're asleep? You've been told?

• 1:11:02Speaker 01

  Oh, I know.

• 1:11:02Speaker 02

  I've been told.

• 1:11:05Speaker 01

  Have you gone in that fucking room?

• 1:11:07Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:09Speaker 01

  Fucking blunts and farts. It's fucking crazy.

• 1:11:15Matt McCusker?

  What makes you fart the most? What kind of food?

• 1:11:17Speaker 02

  Milk and peanut butter.

• 1:11:19Matt McCusker?

  Dude.

• 1:11:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, peanut butter fucks me up.

• 1:11:24Matt McCusker?

  Please do a fart max unboxing, dude.

• 1:11:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, that would be.

• 1:11:28Matt McCusker?

  It would be so good, especially if you're getting really disturbed by them. Ah, fuck, sorry, guys.

• 1:11:33Speaker 01

  I'm so embarrassed.

• 1:11:34Matt McCusker?

  I'm supposed to save that for nighttime.

• 1:11:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, being so embarrassed the whole time.

• 1:11:42Speaker 01

  Did you order that dumb fucking dog candle off Timo?

• 1:11:45Speaker 02

  No, that was from a market. There was a guy at a market.

• 1:11:49Speaker 01

  I gotta be honest, I like that dog candle.

• 1:11:51Speaker 02

  It's nice.

• 1:11:53Speaker 01

  I lit it, but you weren't around, so I blew it out. I wanted you to be here for it.

• 1:11:57Speaker 02

  Then I was thinking about like, how demented of a candle it is, once it gets lit. After a while, it's just a melted brain dog.

• 1:12:05Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Clamdol's nice.

• 1:12:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, the clamdol?

• 1:12:08Matt McCusker?

  Clamdol's decent.

• 1:12:11Speaker 01

  Pretty excited about that.

• 1:12:12Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. I don't wanna, I don't wanna.

• 1:12:14Speaker 01

  More of an oyster, but.

• 1:12:15Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I'm gonna keep it fun.

• 1:12:17Speaker 01

  Oyster didn't have a good candle name.

• 1:12:19Matt McCusker?

  Exactly.

• 1:12:20Speaker 01

  Like clamdol. Don't be sorry.

• 1:12:23Speaker 02

  Clamdol.

• 1:12:24Speaker 01

  The pot, the pot has affected the squad. Everyone's, everyone's like, I'm sorry, dude.

• 1:12:31Matt McCusker?

  It's totally normal.

• 1:12:32Speaker 01

  Fucking stupid fuck.

• 1:12:35Matt McCusker?

  It's totally normal the whole time.

• 1:12:38Speaker 01

  You had to fucking freak out about Bill Belichick. You got high and freaked out about Bill Belichick's relationship.

• 1:12:49Matt McCusker?

  I'm telling you, something happened to me where I don't notice that I'm high anymore. And I just, I'm like, man, everything feels weird right now. I told you, I tried to go to sleep the other night and I was like, why can't I sleep? And I, I was like laying there. Oh, this is the worst, actually. I had thought I was like finally losing it. I was laying there and I was like, alright, so the universe is definitely infinite. Then there's like the material world, which, oh, that might go on forever too somehow. And I don't know how to explain it, but I was just like thinking about just going through stuff and touching it forever. And I was like, that's so much fucking stuff. And I freaked and I couldn't stop. I couldn't stop thinking about all the stuff. And I was like, there's so much.

• 1:13:27Speaker 01

  All the stuff there is?

• 1:13:28Matt McCusker?

  Endless stuff.

• 1:13:29Speaker 01

  Sometimes I, sometimes that bothers me. Sober. That bothers me.

• 1:13:32Matt McCusker?

  It got me.

• 1:13:33Speaker 01

  There's so much stuff.

• 1:13:34Matt McCusker?

  I was in bed and I had to just fucking flip over whatever.

• 1:13:36Speaker 01

  Cause there's guys like fucking La Mer.

• 1:13:39Matt McCusker?

  Ordering off a team.

• 1:13:40Speaker 01

  Some Chinese guys in a factory, like who the fuck is gonna buy this Mario Galaxy candy box?

• 1:13:50Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I bugged out. Bugged out on the amount of stuff. I was like, dude, what if stuff is also infinite? I was like, oh, fuck, it's so much fucking stuff.

• 1:13:58Speaker 02

  Dude, but in space, there's nothing, dude. And that's infinite, too.

• 1:14:05Matt McCusker?

  That's better somehow.

• 1:14:07Speaker 02

  When there's nothing.

• 1:14:08Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:14:09Matt McCusker?

  I can deal with that.

• 1:14:12Matt McCusker?

  Just tons of stuff. There's gotta be an end to this stuff. It's a lot of fucking stuff going on.

• 1:14:15Speaker 01

  It's all stuff.

• 1:14:16Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 1:14:17Speaker 01

  I think everything, yeah. It's all kind of stuff.

• 1:14:19Matt McCusker?

  True. Yeah, the infinity thing freaks me out. I can't, I just try not to think about that too much.

• 1:14:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, I wouldn't waste your time.

• 1:14:27Matt McCusker?

  It just, it just comes to my head. I go, okay, well, if it's infinite, is that, they always go like, well, it's the multiverse. It's like, well, yeah, that's just still one thing.

• 1:14:36Speaker 01

  I agree.

• 1:14:37Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:38Speaker 01

  There's actually multiple universes. It's all part of the universe.

• 1:14:41Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:14:43Speaker 01

  One universe.

• 1:14:43Matt McCusker?

  Okay.

• 1:14:44Speaker 01

  You're just saying there's a bunch in there.

• 1:14:45Matt McCusker?

  And then they go, there's infinite universes. It's like, okay, dude, well.

• 1:14:48Speaker 01

  So there's.

• 1:14:49Matt McCusker?

  Right on.

• 1:14:50Speaker 01

  How about I punch you? Talk to me about the universe.

• 1:14:56Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I'm getting, I wanna, I wanna do a congressional fucking audit on like astrophysicists and quantum physics. Be like, all right, guys, what are we really doing here?

• 1:15:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:15:04Matt McCusker?

  Because I think they're fucking bullcrapping a lot. Because they always go, ah, well, the math checks out perfectly, but like, no one can check the math. They're like, yeah, that'll be another forty bazillion dollars, please.

• 1:15:17Matt McCusker?

  They've figured out things can be in two different places at once simultaneously, but the mathematical model maps on perfectly. To what? The fuck are you guys talking about?

• 1:15:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're cruising for a bruising.

• 1:15:29Speaker 01

  They're walking around their undies looking for a bruising.

• 1:15:34Speaker 01

  Talk to me about that horse shit.

• 1:15:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:38Matt McCusker?

  Crap.

• 1:15:39Speaker 01

  So you, you got some farts loaded? You ready for tonight?

• 1:15:43Speaker 02

  Uh, what's tonight?

• 1:15:45Speaker 01

  Your farts?

• 1:15:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:15:47Speaker 01

  You don't hit the fucking morning blowout? It's like.

• 1:15:51Speaker 01

  I, I mean, I'm, Blizz, you must be hearing. Really? I kind of am hoping you do, because they are funny. The morning blowout is chaos. At night, the way I'm inhaling air.

• 1:16:03Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:03Speaker 01

  Sleep apnea and snoring. Hearts are just, it's chaos in the morning.

• 1:16:08Matt McCusker?

  When I do my morning blowout, my dog, like, that's how he knows I'm up. Like, I'll start farting, and then I'll hear him at the doorway.

• 1:16:15Speaker 01

  Hit the morning.

• 1:16:16Matt McCusker?

  I'll hear his little collar bouncing around.

• 1:16:18Speaker 01

  The morning blowout.

• 1:16:18Matt McCusker?

  That's so funny.

• 1:16:21Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I get it. I have at least one fart. Every morning you wake up and you're, for me, it's laying down. As soon as I lay into bed.

• 1:16:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:16:27Matt McCusker?

  Farts every single fucking time. I'll be like, no, I don't have to fart. Lay in bed, it's just like, whoop, right out of me.

• 1:16:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:16:33Matt McCusker?

  Unfortunate. I literally fart almost every time.

• 1:16:36Speaker 01

  I look forward to it. I cherish it.

• 1:16:38Matt McCusker?

  I look forward to it personally, but you know.

• 1:16:39Speaker 01

  I know. Other people hate it.

• 1:16:40Matt McCusker?

  Not a fan. Especially when they stink, dude.

• 1:16:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's trouble.

• 1:16:45Matt McCusker?

  And it's like, look, I get it.

• 1:16:46Speaker 01

  That makes it ten times funnier.

• 1:16:48Matt McCusker?

  I know. It's exactly the problem.

• 1:16:50Speaker 01

  Think about being Bill Belichick. Seventy, seventy-four-year-old, stinky morning blowout. And you got a hot twenty-five-year-old next to you. You're going, yeah, I don't even like that. It stinks like shit, doesn't it?

• 1:17:07Speaker 01

  Anyway, we're focused on North Carolina State this week.

• 1:17:10Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I can see him hitting just a little, like, oops. He's a hard fart.

• 1:17:14Speaker 01

  Disgusting fart. Pardon me.

• 1:17:16Matt McCusker?

  Pardon me?

• 1:17:18Speaker 01

  I beg your pardon.

• 1:17:20Matt McCusker?

  What was that shit we ate with sparklers coming out of it last night? It just made me fart.

• 1:17:26Speaker 01

  Fucking crap you're feeding me is making me fart. I'm done getting Thai food in Chapel Hill.

• 1:17:32Speaker 01

  There's no good Thai food in North Carolina.

• 1:17:34Matt McCusker?

  That stuff called tofu? Tofu's got me farting up a store.

• 1:17:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:17:42Matt McCusker?

  Well.

• 1:17:43Speaker 01

  We've done it again.

• 1:17:43Matt McCusker?

  We did it. Yay!

• 1:17:46Speaker 01

  Bye.

• 1:17:47Matt McCusker?

  Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Spotify.

• 1:17:50Speaker 01

  Do it.