#138 - Joe Derosa

Joe Derosa joins the pod to discuss his new special I Never Promised You A Rose Garden, how he oscillates between rage and sorrow, his favorite rainy day meals, how the filming of one of his past specials got all screwed up, his gripes with Stav’s bathroom, his most indulgent rainy day meals, and much more. Joe and Stav help callers including a man whose wife is getting a double mastectomy, and a guy whose buddy screwed up their fantasy football league by bringing his wife in. Watch Joe Derosa’s special I Never Promised You A Rose Garden: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXQR_eqfFUg See Joe Derosa live and follow him on social media: https://www.joederosa.com/ https://twitter.com/joederosacomedy https://www.instagram.com/joederosacomedy/ https://www.tiktok.com/@joederosacomedian https://www.youtube.com/@joederosacomedy MeUndies -- comfort that's made for summer! Visit https://www.meundies.com/stavvy and enter promo code STAVVY for up to 50% off. Grow your business right now at Shopify -- no matter what stage you're in. Sign up for a $1/month trial at https://www.shopify.com/stavvy Get 20% off your first 6 months of Open Phone by visiting https://www.openphone.com/perks/stavvy To get $100 off your first bed purchase, go to https://www.thuma.co/stavvy 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets 🎥 Watch LET'S START A CULT on Hulu: https://www.hulu.com/movie/lets-start-a-cult-1f157c44-3840-4f01-8863-bb6afa472a0b ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld ☎️ Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:26Speaker 01

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• 0:55Stavros Halkias?

  Hoppa! Welcome, everybody, to Stavie's World 904-800-Stav. Call in, we'll solve all your problems. On the couch today, and on your YouTube as well, Joe DeRosa. "I Never Promised You a Rose Garden" out right now. Pause this, pause this bullshit. Go watch the special. You know what I mean? You can come back to the podcast. Go wa- let's run the numbers up. Uh, yeah, today is the day. "I Never Promised You a-" I do, it's a very evocative phrase.

• 1:25Speaker 01

  Evocative?

• 1:26Stavros Halkias?

  It is.

• 1:27Speaker 01

  There were three things to what you just did, dude.

• 1:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, go ahead.

• 1:31Speaker 01

  You said "evocative"?

• 1:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yep.

• 1:32Speaker 01

  You're wearing that shirt?

• 1:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yep.

• 1:33Speaker 01

  And you, and you said it, and you went like that?

• 1:35Stavros Halkias?

  A little bit of that.

• 1:36Speaker 01

  It was the hand with the word and the shirt? It was, it was like sensual.

• 1:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Evocative, I'm trying to get the people excited. It is a good phrase.

• 1:45Speaker 01

  Uh, it's from a, um, well, there's a, there's a, a famous country song of that title, but it's the, the, it's, there's a novel called "I Never Promised You a Rose Garden", and then they made a movie of it, but...

• 1:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, you hear it and you just, you immediately, it conjures an image of like a guy being like, "I never promised you fucking shit."

• 2:02Speaker 01

  Well, it's, it's...

• 2:03Stavros Halkias?

  You know? Getting his wife off his back. "You knew what this was, you bitch." Like, that's kind of what it feels like.

• 2:09Speaker 01

  I did three, uh, I did three hours that had "you."

• 2:14Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-mm.

• 2:15Speaker 01

  And they were all very pointed outward.

• 2:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 2:18Speaker 01

  So, the first one was called "You Will Die", and that was... That was just a record and then my second one was my Comedy Central hour that was called You Let Me Down.

• 2:30Speaker 01

  And then this one, I was like, this is the third. I never promised you a roast.

• 2:36Stavros Halkias?

  The roast is you trilogy.

• 2:39Speaker 01

  That's the most hopeless where there's like, nothing will ever be better. You're off, it's fucked. And I was like, well, that title seems, it seems like we brought it to a close. I keep telling myself, the next hour, I'm gonna do something a little more personal. A little something more daring, maybe something to have and it just keeps coming out like this.

• 2:56Stavros Halkias?

  Just, you're still mad at everybody else. What's the common denominator, Joe? Do you maybe sit and think?

• 3:04Stavros Halkias?

  Maybe a little self-reflection. Not on this special, folks. But I'm excited. I think, I remember, I remember one of those, cause you, so, maybe it was the first one, the record? Did you have one where it was like, you also included trying to record it and it going horrible?

• 3:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, so the first.

• 3:24Stavros Halkias?

  Cause I remember this.

• 3:25Speaker 01

  That's the second disc. Of the, it was two discs and the second disc, I called it At The Mercy Of Drunks and it was, it was us trying to get the record done. But the whole audience was shitfaced.

• 3:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. Where would you record it? Cause I remember this, I remember this when I, this was maybe right when I was about to leave for New York. This must've been like 10 years ago that this come out?

• 3:47Speaker 01

  Probab- 10 ye- maybe 13? No, no more. No, yeah, no, like, God, I still lived in New York. That was, that was probably 15, 14 years ago.

• 3:57Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, yeah, yeah.

• 3:58Speaker 01

  It was a while ago.

• 3:59Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting. I was working as a paralegal, I think, cause I was, I was just listening to a lot of albums and I remember listening to that one. And it did in a, cause, and it was like, where was it recorded?

• 4:09Speaker 01

  So the first, the, the disc that's the actual hour was recorded at Star Bar in Atlanta. The outtake disc of The Drunks was recorded at Laughing Skull in Atlanta.

• 4:19Stavros Halkias?

  Ah, okay, okay.

• 4:21Speaker 01

  The reason that that second hour is, is, that the venues are different is because I went to Laughing Skull and I, I had a headline weekend and we said, we're gonna record the new album. And, uh, Jason Riggs, who was the producer and the, had the label, uh, that put the record out. He came out and like, I couldn't, not that I'm, you know, not that I'm selling fucking stadium tickets now. But I mean, I couldn't sell tickets to see my fucking wife's best friend, right? So like, four of the five shows, there was like 20 people there.

• 4:55Stavros Halkias?

  You can hear each individual laugh?

• 4:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:57Stavros Halkias?

  In the mix?

• 4:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 4:59Speaker 01

  And then, and then the late show Saturday though.

• 5:01Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 5:02Speaker 01

  He's like, late show Saturday sold out. I was like, that's where we're getting it.

• 5:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 5:06Speaker 01

  And then that just happened to be the worst crowd of all time. They were shit faced. So we-

• 5:12Stavros Halkias?

  A very annoying woman was talking a lot, if I recall.

• 5:14Speaker 01

  It's, there's, yeah.

• 5:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 5:15Speaker 01

  It's-

• 5:16Stavros Halkias?

  Classic stuff.

• 5:17Speaker 01

  I've, I have never listened to it since we did it because it's a little, it's, it's a little uncomfortable to listen to. But I, but I knew I wanted to put it out there.

• 5:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 5:26Speaker 01

  But we, I walked off after that show and Jason was backstage running the board and I go, uh, I go, that's the record.

• 5:37Stavros Halkias?

  That's my debut album.

• 5:39Speaker 01

  He goes, no, it's like, third.

• 5:41Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, okay, okay.

• 5:42Speaker 01

  I had four albums out at that point and I still was selling 20 tickets on a Friday 8pm.

• 5:50Speaker 01

  You know, maybe I gotta rethink that comment that I made.

• 5:54Stavros Halkias?

  What were those called before, before you? Yeah, over the first three?

• 5:58Speaker 01

  It's called the Depression Auction.

• 6:00Stavros Halkias?

  The Depression Auction, okay.

• 6:01Speaker 01

  The second one's called Return of the Son of Depression Auction.

• 6:06Stavros Halkias?

  So you've always had a mind for linking your, your body of work together?

• 6:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, well, initially I was like, I was like in the, yes, yes, but, but I, cause I was like, all the musicians I liked did that. You know, so, but, uh, but, uh, initially in the first couple of records, I was like, man, I love to shit on myself and I'm, you know, cause life is sad and I'm a depressed guy and my body sucks.

• 6:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, sure, sure.

• 6:31Speaker 01

  Somewhere around the third record, I was like, you know what? I can point the finger outward.

• 6:38Stavros Halkias?

  Were you, as a kid, were you like, uh, did you point it in or were you like deflective?

• 6:43Speaker 01

  No, I've always had, I've always had massive, wait, really quick though.

• 6:47Stavros Halkias?

  Please, yeah.

• 6:48Speaker 01

  I said that to Jason, that's the record, and he was like, what are you crazy?

• 6:53Stavros Halkias?

  Some shit.

• 6:56Speaker 01

  I was like, but that's why it's awesome, because my favorite comedy album of all time is The Day the Laughter.

• 7:00Stavros Halkias?

  The Day the Laughter, dude, you don't have to tell us, we, we literally, we would listen to that maybe, when we discovered it, we listened to it like every day for a month.

• 7:08Speaker 01

  It's the greatest thing I've ever heard.

• 7:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, eldest, eldest what, this is the most like, this is the most, uh, we're secretly gay together accusation you could ever come up with, because he, a present for me one year, he transcribed all of The Day the Laughter died and like printed it up for me.

• 7:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, like typed it, like typed up every single word in there, broke it in little chapters based on the tracklist and like printed it out.

• 7:33Speaker 01

  How long did that take you to do?

• 7:35Speaker 03

  That took a long time.

• 7:36Stavros Halkias?

  But, but it.

• 7:36Speaker 01

  That's a two, that's, that album's over two hours, it's a double album.

• 7:40Stavros Halkias?

  Well, there's The Day the Laughter died, then the.

• 7:42Speaker 03

  There's, there's a second one, which is the sequel, I only did the first one.

• 7:45Stavros Halkias?

  The first one is the.

• 7:46Speaker 01

  The first one's a double album, though, I bought it, I bought it the day it came out as a kid, and it's two full cassettes. The second one's only one cassette, and it's called Part Two, but that first one is a full.

• 7:56Stavros Halkias?

  It's long, yeah.

• 7:57Speaker 01

  It's long as shit.

• 7:58Stavros Halkias?

  And it's a couple, I think it's a couple of shows cut together, because you can tell he's talking to different people with different points.

• 8:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, there's a couple moments where you know, like, this is before the person walked out earlier.

• 8:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 8:12Speaker 01

  But because it's edited this way, like they're still there or whatever, but I, I'm.

• 8:17Stavros Halkias?

  I'm with you, though, literally my favorite album as well.

• 8:19Speaker 01

  It's amazing, it's, it's what forged like my friendship or friendliness with Dice, when I met him, I was like, Dice.

• 8:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 8:26Speaker 01

  And I, every time I saw him, I'd sit down and I'd be like, Dice, I gotta talk to you about that record again, man, like, you don't understand, because I told him, and this is true, I go, I go, Dice, like, do you? I go, you, you know what you've done in comedy, obviously. I was like, but do you understand? Like, I go, like, that record, like, Brooklyn Coffee Shop comics think that record is awesome.

• 8:45Stavros Halkias?

  It is.

• 8:45Speaker 01

  I'm like, it's, it reaches an audience that never would appear in your actual audience.

• 8:51Stavros Halkias?

  Because it's actual art. I mean, it is art. I mean,

• 8:53Speaker 01

  It's beautiful.

• 8:53Stavros Halkias?

  Whatever you want to say about Dice's act. I mean, he did MSG, all that stuff, but some of it's, doesn't exactly hold up, but I mean, I think that's a fair way to put it. But the day the laugh died is, is really interesting because, and that's the fascinating thing about Dice, because it's also like, he, he does something like this and he understands how to play with his persona and he understands how to make something interesting and actually good with his persona. But then he also, it doesn't feel like he gets it, or he just, he also is addicted to being that big. You know what I mean? Or like, there's something about, because the arena act that he was, is because he was, I mean, the parallels you could draw between the like, what's going on now with comedy.

• 9:35Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, it's almost like, if you distilled Dice into something, it's Kill Tony selling out arenas now. You know what I mean? It's almost like the continuation of that where it's like.

• 9:44Speaker 01

  Well, he's the first. Well, I guess Steve Martin was the first, right?

• 9:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, but I'm saying.

• 9:48Speaker 01

  But Dice was the first record-setting arena comic, right? Yeah, but yeah.

• 9:51Stavros Halkias?

  And Dice, Dice's thing was very vulgar and very sexist and racist and like, uh, it's like, you know, shock, it's like almost, he, Dice, you could argue is what is a rea- PC culture might be a reaction to essentially Andrew Dice Clay's act. Like truly, it's like, what he represents is why like Tipper Gore got mad at like, Dice is the white version of like Two Live Crew essentially. And those together is like what annoying liberal 90s culture is almost reacting to.

• 10:23Speaker 01

  Well, it's really interesting. If you watch a documentary about Dice, I'm a staunch. For better or for worse, free speech believer, I'm like, it's gotta be everything or nothing. I'm not saying I think it's great if a guy runs down the street screaming, let's all kill each other.

• 10:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 10:39Speaker 01

  You know what I mean?

• 10:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, but you should be able to, you should be able to fucking say whatever you want.

• 10:42Speaker 01

  But it's interesting if you watch like a documentary or something about this because the contrasting opinions, both arguments are very interesting to me because you have people saying like, well, at this time, this type of humor, I perceived it as quite dangerous because these are things that were happening socially, that this was, in this person's opinion, whoever's saying, this was fueling it, or this is one of the things fueling it. And then there are other people saying, no, man, that's the point. Like, it's self-effacing, it's ridiculous, it's over the, it's a very, very interesting argument with comedy.

• 11:14Stavros Halkias?

  His fucking audience did not understand that. And this is because of the guy who was on Come Town. And who like, who like, and there, and like, we had plenty of people who listened to it because the joke was, this is ridiculous, we're being over the top. But a lot of just racists also listened to it.

• 11:30Speaker 01

  Well, what I love about The Day the Laughter Died is, is, that's the, that, that, well, see, that's on the second one too, but that, that one, that's the, that's the one thing where he turns the gun on himself.

• 11:44Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely.

• 11:45Speaker 01

  He says, like, he drops it a couple times, and he's like, come on, stop begging me on.

• 11:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. It ain't about, it ain't about being, what did he say? It's not about laughing, it's about comedy?

• 11:55Speaker 03

  The best part is like, people are like, do the, do the rhymes.

• 11:57Speaker 01

  Petty dude.

• 11:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 11:58Speaker 01

  Sorry, what's that?

• 11:59Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, the best part is like, what, people are like, do the rhymes, do the rhymes. And he just kept saying, no, no, he's like, uh, that's not what comedy is about, it's.

• 12:08Stavros Halkias?

  You don't have to laugh to enjoy it, I think is the quote.

• 12:11Speaker 03

  That's not what comedy is about, you don't have to laugh to enjoy it. And then a split second later, he's like, hey, what's she doing down there?

• 12:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, she's sucking dick, isn't she? Yeah, he literally.

• 12:20Speaker 01

  Profound thing, and immediately follows it up with like.

• 12:24Stavros Halkias?

  And then a woman is like, kneel down, she's like, what's she doing? She's sucking dick, isn't she? I remember the way he says that, it's like locked in my head.

• 12:31Speaker 01

  But that's what's beautiful, you know? When he goes, when he goes, when he does, I think it might be during that thing about the laughter not comedy.

• 12:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:39Speaker 01

  Or comedy not laughter.

• 12:39Stavros Halkias?

  You don't have to laugh.

• 12:40Speaker 01

  And he just goes, he goes, because I guarantee you, I'll be the last person to leave this room tonight. Like, he's so hell-bent on alienating everybody. And then some guy in the back goes, why? And he just goes, I got nowhere to go.

• 12:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. It's really great, but it is fascinating. Yeah. Dice is a fascinating figure for that exact reason.

• 13:04Speaker 01

  He's, he's, he is. And like he, you know, I, I firmly believe despite however anybody interprets what he does or whatever, or did or whatever, my, my belief in him as an artist is that he gets it. He knows what he's doing. He's aware of the exaggeration and the joke. And that's what makes me respect him. And I'm not being diplomatic, like that truly is what makes me respect him greatly as a comic, a person and, and, and an artist. And that record, the second one, the part two is fucking insane. He gets into an almost fistfight at the end.

• 13:36Stavros Halkias?

  It's insane. You lose a little bit of the magic because it's almost, it's become now too self-aware on some level.

• 13:43Speaker 01

  It's wild, the second one.

• 13:44Stavros Halkias?

  And then he also, he also has some legitimate show business gripes on that. Like I remember he's talking about Siskel and Ebrick. He's like, Siskel and Ebrick, the fat pig and the bald fuck. And he's mad, he's mad at them for, because he had that movie, The Adventures of Ford Fairlane, that they fucking destroyed. And it probably, I mean, I haven't seen, we actually really should watch that movie.

• 14:03Speaker 01

  Oh, Ford Fairlane is so fun, dude.

• 14:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 14:05Speaker 01

  It's like a comic book.

• 14:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 14:07Speaker 01

  But Dice is the superhero.

• 14:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 14:10Speaker 01

  It's great. But he says in that album, on that album, there's a moment where he goes, he, it's the Siskel and Ebrick thing. And he goes, he goes, I ain't mad, I'm paraphrasing, but he says like, you know, I ain't mad that they don't like my career because right now I ain't got one. Because he's, it's like after the fall.

• 14:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 14:29Speaker 01

  It's, it's heavy. That one, you're like, the first one feels a little more like an experiment.

• 14:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 14:34Speaker 01

  The second one feels a little more like, let's do it again, but.

• 14:37Stavros Halkias?

  It just doesn't have the same juice. It's still good.

• 14:39Speaker 01

  But there's an anger behind it or something. Yeah.

• 14:41Stavros Halkias?

  There's an, and that's the thing. It's not a, an artistic exploration, which is what the first one is. The second one is, it's almost like you're trying, it feels a little like a, it's what happens now with like serialization and stuff. It's like, it almost feels like a cheap reboot of the, like, he's just trying to capture the magic a little bit. And I think the anger and the legitimate, like, because he is, he, on the first one, he's almost mocking his persona. And on the second one, and this is my problem with it, is that. You sense that he does, maybe he doesn't think he deserves it, but he wants to be that famous. He wants to be like lauded. He wa- he thinks his, he thinks, he, he at least wants to, I don't know if he thinks he, his art deserves it.

• 15:26Stavros Halkias?

  But it's almost like he is saying, no, I'm actually good on that one in a way that's not the spirit of the first one. The spirit of the first one is like, my, this is ridiculous.

• 15:37Speaker 01

  There's a playfulness to the first one. And the second one, there's definitely not a playful, like it's, which is interesting because Rick Rubin did both. And I feel like.

• 15:47Stavros Halkias?

  That's an interesting energy though, I will say.

• 15:48Speaker 01

  So, so here's what I appreciate about the second one, as uncomfortable as I find it to be. I did a thing with um, my friend Scott Moran, I forget what the name of the series was, but he used to do this YouTube series. Where he would take a comic and he would say, okay, I want to get video of you doing this bit that I like that you do. And I want to do a mini sort of doc around the bit.

• 16:12Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, I remember these videos.

• 16:13Speaker 01

  It was like fifteen minutes long.

• 16:14Stavros Halkias?

  Those were cool. Yeah, yeah.

• 16:16Speaker 01

  So like, you know, like, like, like Rory, the, one of the ones I really remembered was Rory Scoville had a big thing about Batman. About how much he loved the Christopher Nolan Batman movies. And then they, they were gonna go see The Dark Knight Rises, modern comedian. They were gonna go see The Dark Knight Rises on the day it premiered. Uh, and then the terrorist shooting happens.

• 16:37Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow.

• 16:38Speaker 01

  And, and so it becomes about them reacting to the news versus going to see the movie.

• 16:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 16:46Speaker 01

  Um, but, but Rory's Batman bit is still at the center of it or whatever.

• 16:49Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 16:50Speaker 01

  So I, mine was about, uh, I had a thing about nurses. So twelve years ago, because that's when this out.

• 16:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I remember this. I remember this.

• 16:59Speaker 01

  I had a thing about nurses because my mom had gone through breast cancer. And it was, you know, I kinda trashed on nurses a little bit. And, uh, and, uh, my, um.

• 17:11Stavros Halkias?

  Awesome take.

• 17:13Stavros Halkias?

  Anti-nurse, but I love it. It's, that's, yeah, yeah.

• 17:15Speaker 01

  But I didn't, here's the thing, I didn't trash all nurse. It was very much like, I was like, my point was like, hey, man, nurses are like cops.

• 17:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 17:23Speaker 01

  There's good ones and there's ones that are there for the job and let's stop pretending like just because one person.

• 17:28Stavros Halkias?

  Is a hero, they're all heroes.

• 17:30Speaker 01

  Every person in the military isn't awesome.

• 17:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 17:32Speaker 01

  There's dickheads. You know what I mean?

• 17:34Stavros Halkias?

  You don't say, Joe.

• 17:38Speaker 01

  But I'm also a guy that like if I meet a soldier in a show, I say, "Thank you for your service." Like my dad and my grandfather served. Like I'm, I'm, I'm like, "Thank you, dude." Like I respect it, but it doesn't mean I don't think it's out of the realm of possibility that somebody might be in the barracks for the paycheck.

• 17:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.

• 17:55Speaker 01

  So anyway, um, uh.

• 17:57Stavros Halkias?

  But you're right, though. Nurse really is female cop. I mean, it's the, it's the equivalent.

• 18:02Speaker 01

  Wait a minute, wait, wait, on the day of the special coming out. Yeah. Let's not go back down this road.

• 18:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I know. We're promoting your special. I ask you questions about an album from 15 years ago, and then we talk about Andrew Dice Clay for 35 minutes.

• 18:21Speaker 01

  And then bring up the time you got trolled and pissed off a bunch of people.

• 18:25Stavros Halkias?

  This episode is brought to you by Visible. The smartest upgrade this season isn't in your phone. It's a better wireless plan. Switch to Visible, the ultimate wireless hack. You get unlimited 5G data and unlimited hotspot power by Verizon. We have Visible here at Stabby Baby Enterprises. We love it. We just got a new assistant. She loves it. She's taking all our sushi orders. They're going through the Visible network, brought to you by Verizon. It's fast, it's reliable, it's so sick. They sponsor the Stubbies World hotline, as you know, and make it possible for us to help all our callers out. Oh, my God, they're the best. Switch today at visible.com. The Visible plan starts at $25 a month, or get the Premium Visible Plus Pro Plan and save $10 on your first month with promo code STUFF.

• 19:10Stavros Halkias?

  Terms apply.

• 19:11Speaker 04

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• 19:41Speaker 01

  Let's reopen that can of worms. I actually talked about this on the special. I talked about when I got the backlash for this.

• 19:47Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow.

• 19:47Speaker 01

  But my, but, but the point of the, which is odd that we got on to the dice thing and now this.

• 19:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 19:52Speaker 01

  Because my episode was the nurse joke that I got the online backlash about.

• 19:58Stavros Halkias?

  You're looking plump in that one.

• 19:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know.

• 19:59Stavros Halkias?

  You're looking like a little fat boy. Hey, you have the shaved head.

• 20:01Speaker 01

  I know.

• 20:02Stavros Halkias?

  I forgot about the shaved head era, yes.

• 20:04Speaker 01

  The, um, but the bit in this is the thing that the clip came back out again a few years ago.

• 20:13Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 20:14Speaker 01

  And I got super, there was a whole big backlash to me online. Yeah, yeah.

• 20:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, everyone was sucking nurses off.

• 20:21Speaker 01

  And then I actually talk about that in the new special. But this is the original bit that, that nobody ever heard for 10 fucking years, whatever, 15 years. But anyway, don't play the bit, but my point is, is, um,

• 20:33Speaker 01

  uh, he, so he goes, I want to get that nurse bit. That's really interesting and your mom's going through cancer and this is a great story. And I said, great. And we went and he shot me at Broadway Comedy Club.

• 20:43Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, my God, yes, of course.

• 20:45Speaker 01

  And the crowd sucked.

• 20:45Stavros Halkias?

  Of cour-, I mean, duh.

• 20:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:47Stavros Halkias?

  It was the Broadway Comedy Club.

• 20:48Speaker 01

  Yeah. And dude, some lady like heckled me during the nursing bit. And I lost my fucking shit. And I'm like, you, my fucking mom is sick. Who the fuck do you think, you think I'm not gonna fucking talk about this, you fucking bitch? Right?

• 21:08Speaker 01

  And as soon as I said, you fucking bitch, I was like, I lost it.

• 21:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. You lost the high ground. You really did, yeah.

• 21:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's like, yeah, my hand slipped off the wheel.

• 21:22Speaker 01

  I dropped it.

• 21:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 21:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 21:26Speaker 01

  But yeah, and Scott was like, and then we got in the car and we were gonna go to do another set. And I go, we got, obviously, we gotta read, get that bit.

• 21:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 21:36Speaker 01

  And Scott goes, no dude, this is the story.

• 21:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 21:40Speaker 01

  And I was like, Scott, there's no fucking way.

• 21:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, cause at the time also, like, these were big, like, people were in comedy, knew about these, like, comedy fans. And YouTube now, we're used to fucking something having like a million views, but like, 15 years ago, you had 30,000 views, that was a big YouTube video.

• 21:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 21:58Stavros Halkias?

  You know, so these were actually, this, this, this was like, kinda like a, a cool, and I remember being such a comedy nerd at the time, and like, I liked these videos, I remember those videos.

• 22:07Speaker 01

  They were great, man. And, and he was like, this is the story. And I was like, no dude. And he, he was like, I'm telling you dude. And then he came to my house, he made me watch the clip, he shot me watching the clip.

• 22:18Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 22:19Speaker 01

  Reacting, reacting to, excuse me, um, we talk about it, even after it was done, I was like, Scott, don't put that out.

• 22:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 22:26Speaker 01

  And then he called me and he goes, I just short, showed it to Rory and Sarah Schaefer. Uh, and he was like, they were both like, dude, it's, it's, it's fine.

• 22:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 22:36Speaker 01

  Like, it's okay. Like, it's like, like, you're, like, so anyway, here's what I'm getting at.

• 22:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 22:41Speaker 01

  That second Dice record.

• 22:43Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

• 22:44Speaker 01

  I feel like there was a thing behind it with, with him and Ruben.

• 22:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 22:48Speaker 01

  Where they, I'm, I'm theorizing, but like, maybe they were like, hey dude, that was a little unhinged, but hey, we captured like a real emotional moment.

• 22:56Stavros Halkias?

  You're absolutely correct. Is that like, do I, the first one to me is an untouchable, unimpeachable masterpiece, right?

• 23:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly, yeah.

• 23:03Stavros Halkias?

  The second one is a flawed but interesting piece of art, because I, you can't recreate that, but it also did capture, and that's why it's also interesting. The first one is like, we're playing with this persona of a guy who was selling out arenas.

• 23:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:17Stavros Halkias?

  And who must have some ego about his art, but also, you know, you could argue, maybe there's a reading of it where he's being opportunistic and... He, he didn't, my, my guess is he didn't expect his brand of humor to take off to fucking arenas, right? But he, but, but it, so now he's being reflective and it's interesting. And the second one is now you get this portrait and you can only really do that when you're secure, right? You're like, I'm rich, I'm selling out MSG, let's have fun with my persona in a way that I'll never get a chance to do ever again. And the second one is like, you don't ever really get a true window into what it's like to lose it all.

• 23:57Speaker 01

  I mean dude.

• 23:58Stavros Halkias?

  Even if it's a, even if it's an interview, it's manicured and even if they're being open. But on stage, when you're trying to be funny and it slips out, you see the reality of how mad he is and that is very valuable and interesting.

• 24:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. It's like, I can't imagine what that does to your head. This happens to him in his twenties.

• 24:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 24:14Speaker 01

  So he's an adult, but he's young.

• 24:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 24:16Speaker 01

  This is why, by the way, this is exactly why I'm like, hey, Shia LaBeouf is apologizing, I'm listening. Imagine if that happens to you when you're 15.

• 24:24Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 24:25Speaker 01

  Or whatever. I'm like, yeah, yeah. Do you think the guy might have done some fucked up shit? Like, he, what the fuck, man? You know?

• 24:33Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, sure.

• 24:33Speaker 01

  I'm not excusing behaviors, but it's like, I can understand somebody might get like, pretty fucked up.

• 24:38Stavros Halkias?

  For sure.

• 24:39Speaker 01

  And like, like Dice, it's like, I can't even fucking imagine. Dane Cook told me a story when Steve.

• 24:46Stavros Halkias?

  A great analog, by the way, like, very similar careers, honestly.

• 24:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. He, when Steve Martin wrote Born Standing Up, he, Dane told me that Steve Martin invited him to lunch. And he went and met Steve Martin for the first time and he said, Steve Martin gave him that book and said, you're the only person alive that will understand this.

• 25:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 25:04Speaker 01

  I just got chills, dude.

• 25:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 25:06Speaker 01

  Like, that's fucking wild, man.

• 25:08Stavros Halkias?

  I'm not shocked that Dane Cook told you that story.

• 25:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:11Stavros Halkias?

  A story where it's like, oh, one of my heroes told me I'm the only guy who'll ever understand him. That, that checks out. You know, I mean, it's, it really, really fucking put himself, the comedian's code, really make yourself look bad no matter what. I mean, that's the like.

• 25:30Stavros Halkias?

  Chills, because he's bragging.

• 25:35Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, it's cool, but it's like, let me tell you, you weren't the only guy to hear that story, I promise you.

• 25:40Speaker 01

  No, it was just me.

• 25:44Speaker 01

  I gotta be honest, that's what I was telling him. I was like, did he tell me this? Did I hear it on a podcast?

• 25:52Speaker 01

  I think I think I might be a psycho. I think I just made up that he told me that. Joe's like, and then he said, you're the only one who will understand this anecdote, Joe.

• 26:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, then Dane, uh, when, when his ticket sales went down, invited me to lunch.

• 26:10Speaker 01

  Joe, you're one of the people that will understand this.

• 26:15Speaker 01

  Oh, fuck. Fucking A. But dude, to answer your question from an hour and a half ago. No, no, no problem. We, we super digressed, but it was awesome. You said, was I always a person that pointed the finger inward? Yeah. It sounded like he said inward. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh, yeah, I was, what I was gonna say, I don't remember why we went in the other direction, but the point is, is yes. I have massive imposter syndrome. I have, I have terrible anxiety. Uh, I never feel like I belong anywhere. Anything good happening. I'm like, well, this will be taken away. Yeah.

• 26:51Speaker 01

  Just wait. Of course. You know? Yeah. Uh, it's constant. And it comes from, well, there's a lot, you know, child, it's the same old story with childhood. You're, you're, you get bullied and you, you know, I'm gonna, I was an only child and I was a depressed kid and, you know, at Catholic school and the rules and the guilt and all that shit, you know, that's, that's, that's sort of a classic. Only child and parents were, had a good relationship or a bad relationship? What are we talking? Yeah, good in the sense like my parents love each other very much. They're a good partnership. They're extraordinarily supportive of one another. Uh, they're still married. Oh, okay. You know, you know, yes, in that sense, uh, but you know, transparently, there was, we, we were a family that did not have a lot of money. Mm-hmm.

• 27:35Speaker 01

  There were a lot of economic struggles. They pursued that sort of eighties bill of goods that a lot of people pursued. Sure. Which was like, hey, you live in the city? You shouldn't be. You should be living out in the suburbs in a house you can't really afford. Right, right, right. Then we got these credit cards for it. Right, right, right. So like, there was a lot of financial struggling.

• 27:56Stavros Halkias?

  But also wanting to keep appearances up, it sounds like, you know?

• 28:00Speaker 01

  Not, no, not even, honestly, not even keeping appearances up, just, just, just that leading to situations like my dad having to work much longer hours, my mom having to work.

• 28:11Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 28:12Speaker 01

  Them, the tension in that, then the fighting, and like, it was a loud household.

• 28:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 28:18Speaker 01

  It was a loud household. I was an, I'm an adopted kid, uh, so like, you know?

• 28:23Stavros Halkias?

  Since you were a little, since you were a baby?

• 28:24Speaker 01

  I was adopted at like nine days.

• 28:26Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, wow.

• 28:26Speaker 01

  So I don't know anything. That's all, all I know is them.

• 28:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 28:29Speaker 01

  But, you know, uh, as soon as I realized I could weaponize that, which I realized at a pretty young age.

• 28:38Speaker 01

  Some, some things were said.

• 28:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 28:41Speaker 01

  You know, mistakes were made, but, uh, but, um...

• 28:44Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, no, dude, no one can be more hurtful than like a fucking seven-year-old who just understands enough to, to like wound, but has no idea how powerful that, that weapon is. Like, they know it'll be like hurtful, but they have no idea how hurtful.

• 28:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, I remember realizing.

• 29:01Stavros Halkias?

  Ten-year-old?

• 29:02Speaker 01

  I remember realizing, I, I was like, oh, I can say you're not my real parents.

• 29:07Stavros Halkias?

  Just dropping a nuke, cause you don't get a nutter butter.

• 29:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 29:11Stavros Halkias?

  It's like, that's good to have in your back pocket when it's really necessary, but when you realize it, you're too stupid to know like, you can't just be pulling this out every day, man. This is for special occasions.

• 29:24Speaker 01

  That's so funny. Yeah, eventually, my parents are like, yeah, we're not.

• 29:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 29:29Speaker 01

  What's your point? You said it. You said it. Get to the point.

• 29:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. They can Uno reverse that on you too, you know what I mean? Quick, just make it, make it, you know what I mean? Be like, yeah, you could have grown up in a fucking crack den. Is that what you wanted, you piece of shit? Or whatever, you know, like, they could have just made up a horrific place they plucked you from.

• 29:48Speaker 01

  They never said anything like that, but I do believe we, that the arguments did get into places of like, do you realize what we did do for you?

• 29:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 29:56Speaker 01

  Which is fair.

• 29:56Stavros Halkias?

  Very fair, yeah.

• 29:58Speaker 01

  But, but it was, it was, yes, they, they, they were, they're, they're, they have a good marriage, but they come from emotional backgrounds. My family was an emotional family growing up. It's something I have... Had to deal with in my adult life a lot. It's a thing I've had to work on. I am.

• 30:19Stavros Halkias?

  Being too emotional, you mean? Like getting too affected, too high and too low?

• 30:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, dude, like if I feel truly disrespected. Like I, I react like, like it's like fistfight time.

• 30:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 30:33Speaker 01

  Like I literally, like this is, I'm a, I'm a, I try to be an open book with things. So some stuff I'm embarrassed to talk about, but like I was at my boys' house, my, my buddy Paul and I, we, we have a band called Salsa Windfall. And we were recording our new record two weeks ago in Atlanta, uh, at my buddy Jim's house. Uh, and we were having a great time working on the record, whatever. And I'm like going through this breakup. So I'm emotionally kind of a raw nerve. And, you know, we had all been drinking and stuff.

• 31:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, everything you're saying.

• 31:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:07Stavros Halkias?

  It's like adult male, like a, a side band breakup drunk. Like it's, it's all, it's swirling. You know what I mean? Like it's swirling for something real good. You know what I mean? Something really, you know?

• 31:20Speaker 01

  So I went out to my Camaro.

• 31:24Stavros Halkias?

  Loaded up, you know, to be drunk as hell.

• 31:33Stavros Halkias?

  I'll show you bitch.

• 31:36Speaker 01

  So it was, it was like late, it was late at night, but like we, we'd gotten, they, they, they had asked, I was like in, I was playing the music that we were listening to. And like Paul was, Paul kept pushing me to play this song. It was, it's the dumbest thing in the world.

• 31:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 31:50Speaker 01

  But eventually I was like, Paul, dude, shut the fuck up, dude. Like you keep fucking asking me to play this fucking song. I've been playing everything you want me to fucking play all night. You're like, stop, stop dude.

• 32:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 32:01Speaker 01

  And Jim hadn't heard Paul being kind of like, come on dude.

• 32:05Stavros Halkias?

  Needling you, sure.

• 32:06Speaker 01

  So then Jim was like, dude, what's your problem, man? Like you're being really mean right now. And like the second I felt like Jim was jumping up to defend him. And I was ganging up. Dude, I literally, literally went like this. Really dude? Hey, fuck you dude. Fuck you, fuck you too dude. No, fuck you too, fuck the both of you dude. And they were like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. And I was like, no, fuck this shit. Fuck this shit. And I got my computer, was plugged into the stair, and I got my computer, I unplugged it, and I just went, marched right to bed. It was like, it was nuts.

• 32:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, acting like you're Oasis for your fucking, you know, adult male band.

• 32:45Speaker 01

  And I don't get there often, I don't think, but, but I can get there and that comes from, that comes from number one, growing up in an emotional environment. It comes from abandonment issues that stemmed from adoption.

• 32:58Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 32:59Speaker 01

  It comes from smothering that came from my parents because they couldn't have kids, so then they adopted and they were also religious. So then they saw me as like this miracle. So then they're overprotective, trying to, so it's a real cocktail, but it is a thing where like, and then I have imposter syndrome and all this stuff. So it's like, if I feel like in a moment like somebody has like betrayed me.

• 33:23Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 33:25Speaker 01

  I'm like, I like, that's when, that's when the real.

• 33:29Stavros Halkias?

  Or ganged up on, like if you're singled out?

• 33:31Speaker 01

  Ganged up on, if it's, if it's ganged up on, like, like I don't, I'm not a, I'm not a pussy, like I can take getting my balls broken and getting made fun of and getting trashed and all that. I've had, you know, fucking Keith Robinson and Norton and DePaulo and Patrice and Burr circle around me and shit on me and it's, I can laugh about it.

• 33:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 33:51Speaker 01

  I'm not, that's fine, but if I feel ganged up on where it's like.

• 33:55Stavros Halkias?

  Like in a true way, like an emotional way, like people, like friends, you know?

• 33:58Speaker 01

  Like for instance, if, when, when you and I before the show were having a little more of a socio-political discussion. Like if you and I were having that debate or discussion and it started to get a little energized. If there were other people in the room that were like. Well, Joe, you need to fucking calm down.

• 34:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 34:19Speaker 01

  Like, when I feel like it's like, oh, you're all gonna fucking, oh, okay, I see what this is. You know what I mean?

• 34:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, fuck all you people.

• 34:25Speaker 01

  Sure. And like, because like, I, and I go back to, to childhood, I go back to being a young kid who was depressed, who had no siblings.

• 34:34Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 34:35Speaker 01

  So when I would get into a fight with a friend, it was like, fuck you, I'll go be alone. It wasn't like I'm gonna go home and hang out with my sister.

• 34:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, the, the stakes are kinda high.

• 34:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:45Stavros Halkias?

  Cause you kinda, all you had was sort of like, whatever friends you could make.

• 34:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:50Stavros Halkias?

  Cause otherwise you're just back at home.

• 34:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:52Stavros Halkias?

  Reading the scriptures with your, with your parents or whatever, you know what I mean?

• 34:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, angrily, yeah, fighting fucking Nintendo or whatever, and, and like, so like, as an adult, how that manifests, and it's a thing I've really, really, really had to work on and, and learn to control more. As an adult, that manifests is, I'll burn this whole fucking thing down.

• 35:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I don't care, I'll be alone.

• 35:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:17Stavros Halkias?

  That's my default, is nobody around me.

• 35:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:19Stavros Halkias?

  So who fucking cares?

• 35:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, so.

• 35:21Stavros Halkias?

  Even though you probably don't mean it, right? Like, you'd much rather be around.

• 35:25Speaker 01

  No, it sucks.

• 35:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:27Speaker 01

  It sucks, after, after, right after, it sucks.

• 35:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 35:30Speaker 01

  Right after, in the moment, it feels like the righteous sword of God, dude.

• 35:37Stavros Halkias?

  I'll burn every bridge, I don't fucking care, yeah.

• 35:41Speaker 01

  Two seconds later. It's like doing it, it's like doing too chunky of a line of blow.

• 35:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 35:50Speaker 01

  As you're doing it, you're like.

• 35:51Stavros Halkias?

  You feel cool as shit, you're like, I'm fucking Tony Montana, dude, I'm so cool. And then you're like, ah, my fucking head is burning, I'm going, I have too much fucking, I have too much energy.

• 36:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:01Stavros Halkias?

  I'm tasting half of it in my throat.

• 36:04Speaker 01

  What a fucking mistake, man. But yeah dude, so you know, I don't know, are you like you're the only time I've ever seen you

• 36:16Speaker 01

  get uh

• 36:20Speaker 01

  I don't want to say the word aggravated, but like, you know, I guess emotional is the word because because because you know, like getting getting hyped up, that's emotion.

• 36:29Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, sure.

• 36:30Speaker 01

  But the only time I've ever seen you get charged or whatever is sometimes when you're talking politics.

• 36:34Stavros Halkias?

  When I missed the cheese steaks on tires. I was like, what? I was in the bathroom, why don't you fucking get me one? The fucking lady came by already, she's 10 minutes early.

• 36:47Speaker 01

  Where's Stav go? I already called the food lady a fucking bitch. Last said he quits. No, but like the only I've seen you talk politics and I've seen you get charged up. That's literally the only time like, do you get like that in any other area?

• 37:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, I I definitely have tried to keep, I've tried to say, I mean, I have the same. I definitely have an anger problem. My whole family has kind of an anger problem and I've definitely, I've been very cognizant of that. Uh, my whole life to just sort of keep that at bay. Um, I still feel, I mean, it's funny because I will tell friends of mine that and they don't believe me because I and which feels good, right? Because that means like, people don't see that. I've been able to like, keep that kind of, you know, sort of hidden or whatever, but you know, I try and not get too hot, get too extreme because I think I came from a situation where no one talked about emotion or feeling and then the only way it was acceptable

• 37:45Stavros Halkias?

  is if it completely, you just push it down until it explodes. That's how everyone in my family dealt with shit. My dad, I mean, my dad has no ability to be, to understand how he feels about anything. And you you can try and explain to him and he's like, no, that's not true. It's like, he'll clearly be sad about something. It's like, hey, go talk to that person instead of stewing here for, but he has no concept of that. And I so I've been, I've tried in my own life to sort of do away with that and just sort of, you know.

• 38:13Speaker 01

  But yeah, well, that's great. But I I will say this, uh, to for for the listeners, just so, you know, you know, there's more to me than rage.

• 38:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 38:23Speaker 01

  I have that emotion in every direction.

• 38:26Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 38:26Speaker 01

  I cry once a, at least once a day, at least once a day.

• 38:34Speaker 01

  Lately, it's been over break up stuff.

• 38:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 38:36Speaker 01

  Well, lately, when this, when, at the time of this recording.

• 38:39Stavros Halkias?

  But, yeah.

• 38:40Speaker 01

  But, but, but, and then, um, um, but then, but dude, some days, I swear to God, dude, it could be the right moment in Star Wars. And then nostalgia hits me and I start crying. It could be a commercial that's like, what, I, it, it, but I cry, once a day at least.

• 38:58Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 38:59Speaker 01

  And then like the laughter, like, like, like sitting here with you laughing this fucking hard.

• 39:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 39:03Speaker 01

  You know what I mean? One of my, excuse me, one of my daily morning routines is, is doing a three-way call with Dante Nero and Keith Robinson. And just.

• 39:15Stavros Halkias?

  Incredible.

• 39:16Speaker 01

  Calling, calling Keith at like 10, sometimes 9 a.m.

• 39:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 39:20Speaker 01

  And he's like, what the fuck do you want? And I'm like, I want to start my morning right, you piece of shit. You fucking bother me. And he go, get dumb Dante on the phone. I want to talk to that fat idiot. Called Dante up.

• 39:35Stavros Halkias?

  Love that.

• 39:35Speaker 01

  And Dante's like, ah, Keith, man, you know, you stroking, man. Like, but dude, and just trashing each other and laughing so.

• 39:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 39:45Speaker 01

  Fucking hard. And then like, there's days where like, Voss gets pulled in or Bobby Kelly. And we're just trashing each other and let Colin Quinn, like.

• 39:54Stavros Halkias?

  I do think, there was definitely a moment where it feels like you were sort of like, um, the freshman on like, uh, on the varsity team that they all just fucking, I remember, like, again, as a comedy fan.

• 40:05Speaker 01

  That's very much what it was for me.

• 40:06Stavros Halkias?

  When you were young.

• 40:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:07Stavros Halkias?

  I feel like, you know, cause you were opening for Burr and you were like at the cell, you know, you were like hanging around all over there. And I do feel like I just, the first time I was like cognizant of you was just like, you know, the tough crowd guys just shitting, you know, making fun of you as like the young guy, you know?

• 40:23Speaker 01

  Um, Burr, so Burr, and then Danny, this kid Danny, who was one of the producers on O N A, they were the ones that pushed me in front of, out in front of Opie and Anthony.

• 40:33Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 40:34Speaker 01

  And Opie saw me first do stand-up and Opie was like, you're fucking funny, dude. Like, you should do the show.

• 40:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 40:39Speaker 01

  It's just like a little matter of time. And then I did the show for the first time and me and Anthony hit it off. And Anthony's like, the roses.

• 40:47Stavros Halkias?

  Your views on black people kind of align.

• 40:52Stavros Halkias?

  You guys bonded over some like message boards you were both a part of.

• 40:58Speaker 01

  We talked the dark web.

• 41:08Speaker 01

  But he and I hit it off quick and then like the I just I just and Burr was really behind me and Burr was like, I fucking DeRosa's kid's funny, you know?

• 41:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 41:18Speaker 01

  And dude, I was with Burr. I was talking about this the other day, man. I did. I used to open for Burr. I played. I opened for Burr. First sold out club weekend he ever did.

• 41:29Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome.

• 41:30Speaker 01

  First theater he ever did.

• 41:31Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 41:32Speaker 01

  First Madison Square Garden. I was with Burr through the entire like.

• 41:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 41:37Speaker 01

  I was with him and I it was fun to be a part of that.

• 41:40Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 41:40Speaker 01

  But yeah, I very much became mostly because of Opie and Anthony, I became the sort of like, Burr used to call me the teen idol sensation.

• 41:51Speaker 01

  Oh, no, because I was like the young guy.

• 41:52Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 41:53Speaker 01

  And I wasn't quite part of like, you know, if they did like,

• 41:59Speaker 01

  you know, a story about Opie and Anthony in a magazine or something or like or like when they did the traveling virus tour. I wasn't quite fully in in the way all of the Mount Rushmore guys were in for them. But I was the kid and I was like.

• 42:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 42:15Speaker 01

  You know, and it like the almost like the protege of those guys or whatever and like and it, it was it was it that toughened me up a lot. You know, you know, I'm not gonna say there weren't times where I didn't get my feelings hurt.

• 42:27Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 42:28Speaker 01

  But that toughened me up a lot.

• 42:29Stavros Halkias?

  I just opened for just opening for Bobby, let alone eight of those guys. One time Bobby called me called Colin Quinn on speaker and they were just kind of shitting on me together and I was like, poof, this is just these just Quinn kind of checked out shitting on me with Bobby. It was like still something I think about. Sometimes I'm like, damn, they got me good. I can't imagine five of those motherfuckers just using you as a pinata.

• 42:56Speaker 01

  The worst one ever. The worst one ever. I've told this story so many times, but it's it's the worst one ever. I had a when I first lived in New York, I had a beard and and like almost Afro hair.

• 43:07Stavros Halkias?

  That's an awesome look.

• 43:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, I looked way more in of my Arab.

• 43:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Why don't you look up Joe DeRosa beard? Let's see if we can find that, Eldis.

• 43:16Speaker 01

  You'll find something.

• 43:20Speaker 01

  Let's see if it's up.

• 43:21Stavros Halkias?

  Just comes up with every girlfriend you've ever had?

• 43:29Stavros Halkias?

  That's alright, it's been scrubbed.

• 43:32Speaker 01

  But, we, look at that, me and Joey Fatone, that's one of my favorite pictures of all time, I love that it's online, right there.

• 43:42Speaker 01

  Isn't that the best? We were on a boat in fucking Key West.

• 43:47Speaker 01

  We were shitfaced.

• 43:49Stavros Halkias?

  Shout out to Fatone.

• 43:50Speaker 01

  Shouts out to Fatone, man. Shouts out to Brian Quinn, getting us all down to Key West, man.

• 43:55Stavros Halkias?

  Joey Fatone, cast member of my big fat Greek wedding.

• 43:57Speaker 01

  Yes. That's all he did though, right?

• 43:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's it.

• 44:02Speaker 01

  No, but he, uh, oh, Patrice, I saw the beard and froie hair.

• 44:10Speaker 01

  And they were talking about some shit at the cellar, and I was just like sitting there, and it was like, I didn't even know Patrice yet.

• 44:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 44:17Speaker 01

  And I chimed in. And I was just like, yeah, that's kinda like, that's cool, cuz that's, and dude, he literally went like this, cuz like, I'm like over there. He went like this, he went like that, and he goes, "Shut the fuck up, you halfway through a werewolf transformation."

• 44:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and I remember those moments where you're kinda like stealing yourself up to even jump in, like, just even to be like, yeah, yeah, that's kinda cra- like, how many times I've blown it trying to get into like a conversation circle I don't belong in, to be, yeah. Battle back.

• 44:55Speaker 01

  The worst, dude. The most brutal.

• 44:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 44:58Speaker 01

  Did you ever used to walk through the cellar when a tell was on stage?

• 45:02Stavros Halkias?

  No, no.

• 45:03Speaker 01

  So, you know, the main room of the cellar.

• 45:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yep.

• 45:08Speaker 01

  The McDougal one. You know, the ba- the only bathroom.

• 45:11Stavros Halkias?

  It's downstairs.

• 45:12Speaker 01

  It's downstairs through the showroom, right? So, if you go to the bathroom, I'm explaining for people that don't know, if you go to the bathroom, you have to walk literally through the crowd.

• 45:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 45:22Speaker 01

  Directly.

• 45:23Stavros Halkias?

  It's pretty horrible, yeah, yeah.

• 45:24Speaker 01

  It sucks.

• 45:25Stavros Halkias?

  It sucks.

• 45:27Speaker 01

  And... Most comics are very cool about it. A tell would stop whoever it was every single time.

• 45:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 45:39Speaker 01

  And then throw you into something he was riffing on. And if you were not, I remember one time he was like, Joe, you know, I don't know. The redhead, I'm calling her clown pussy or whatever. You know, he was like, he's like, what do you think of that, Joe? And I was like, well, you know, and I, I didn't even get the sense out and the tell just goes like this. He goes.

• 46:04Speaker 01

  You fucking stop me, you fucking asshole.

• 46:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're trying to get out of complex thought. You're trying to get.

• 46:12Speaker 01

  I don't know what to do. Everybody's looking at me. It feels like you walked into a boardroom meeting at a hotel by accident. And everybody's like, what are you doing? You know, like, oh my God, it's the worst feeling.

• 46:24Stavros Halkias?

  That's fun. I mean, did you, were you, we always like somebody, because it also sounds like though, maybe that was something, I don't know. My guess is, you know, like you're saying, adopted kid, only child. Maybe not just in this, but in other stuff, were you like looking to be a part of like, whether that's a team or like, you know, these sort of like, almost like stand in family situation. Because that does feel like that a little bit, the little brother in like a little group.

• 46:48Speaker 01

  There's a nice part of that to me. I am very, very, like, I'm not kidding, dude. Like when I said, I'll cry once a day. If I talk about my friends.

• 46:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 47:01Speaker 01

  I will probably start crying. Like if I talk, because, because we all know a lot of people. And we all have a lot of acquaintances in this life. But like, when, when, you know, when you, when you, when I talk about like my friends, like the people I know, like that love me, like that have my back. I'll start fucking crying, dude. I will start crying. Dude, I told Ari. I told Ari, Jesus Christ, dude, I told Ari two, three weeks ago.

• 47:31Speaker 01

  There was, there's a person that was in me and Ari's life that uh introduced.

• 47:38Speaker 01

  It was our manager at the time. She, she, we, she repped both of us. Her name was Sam Safer. She's alive. Yeah. Horrible happened to her. But she repped me and Ari and she uh, I, we did, we did Edinburgh together. We, we, Ari and I were doing Edinburgh at the same time. And you know, you gotta find a place to live and you gotta find people to live with and stuff. And she goes, I want you to live with Ari. And I was like, no. And she's like, why? Cause I didn't really know him. And I was like, I was like, no, he's like, like he's always like, is he the whip his dick out? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. She's like, he's a great guy. Just trust me. Just trust me. Just trust me. And I'm like, alright. And I was like, I knew him, but like, not like that.

• 48:21Speaker 01

  We lived together. That trip. He was like such a rock for me. And that's like where like a, a, a best friendship started. You know, he's like gonna be one of my best friends till I die. Sure. And it started there. And I, dude, I, I told, I, we were out having a few a couple of weeks ago and I, I told him while we were outside, I was having a cigarette and I was like, I will always love Sam because of you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna start crying right now. Yeah, you're tearing up. Like, yeah, dude. And it's about Ari fucking Shafir, Jesus Christ. An actual good person? Imagine if I was talking about a human being.

• 49:02Speaker 01

  Not a, not some sort of lizard, man.

• 49:06Speaker 01

  But dude, I was like, I was like, like this is because of you, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, uh, I was talking about it with, with uh, it's funny, the, the, the person that I was dating and involved with that, that we had broken up and, and we're on good terms. But uh, I was telling her, I was like, like Matt Edgar, who's a great guy, great comic, uh, down in, in Austin now. Matt's become one of my best friends. And I was like, I was like, do you realize, brother? I was like, the re- like, me breaking up with somebody gave us our friendship. Cause you were the dude I called because I needed advice from somebody that was in Austin.

• 49:50Speaker 01

  And I thought you'd be able to give me that advice. And I didn't know you well enough that I literally to text you and say, hey, brother, can I, can, can I hit you for advice?

• 49:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 49:59Speaker 01

  Is that weird?

• 50:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 50:01Speaker 01

  And you were like, no, brother, not at all. And you called me and you talked to me for 90 minutes. And every time I've had a problem, you've talked to me for 90 fucking minutes. I go, I go, breakups are terrible, man. They're emotional.

• 50:12Stavros Halkias?

  They're like, yeah, I mean, if she's, if she's not, if she's still underage, I mean, you gotta break it off, man. I mean, if she's threatening to go to the police, I re- I would cut it off. I would delete all the text messages. Snapchat too. It's not, you know, we learned that the hard way.

• 50:26Speaker 01

  But we're two months closer.

• 50:29Stavros Halkias?

  So you're saying not even hand stuff until she's 18?

• 50:33Speaker 01

  Definitely not mouth. I get not mouth stuff.

• 50:37Stavros Halkias?

  Mouth, but come on. She's, what if she wore gloves?

• 50:40Speaker 01

  But I'm like, dude, I'm like, how crazy is this? I go, I go, you're one of my like best pals now. And I go, and it came because of a hard thing I had to go through.

• 50:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 50:49Speaker 01

  I don't know, man. Stuff like that, when you find like the, not to be corny, but like when you find the beauty that comes out of the heartache, like that's fucking beautiful, man. Like that, I, I'm emotional, dude.

• 51:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 51:03Speaker 01

  I get, you know.

• 51:03Stavros Halkias?

  No, it seems, I mean, and that's, I, I think that's also good is to be like, you know, to actually feel things instead of to like be pushing it down. And, you know, maybe it can be a little, the flip side is like overreacting to stuff, but it's better to react in some way and to be moved one way or the other than to just not feel fucking anything.

• 51:22Speaker 01

  Brother, I have that with you.

• 51:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 51:24Speaker 01

  I have this with you. I have this exact thing with you. You, we're, you and I went in my, we were friendly.

• 51:32Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 51:33Speaker 01

  We were pals. We were whatever you want to call it. The moment I was like, Stav is now my friend, was the day that I was having a, a, a thing that I was dealing with with my parents.

• 51:45Stavros Halkias?

  Parents, yeah.

• 51:46Speaker 01

  And we were on set of tires and it was like 6:15 in the morning, some godly hour. Yeah. And like, I just was like, brother dude, like, I, I, I don't, I, can, I know you come from a big fan. Can I talk to you about this? Because I was like, this shit is distracting me.

• 52:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 52:02Speaker 01

  And I don't know what to do. And like, you're like, yeah, dude, and you talked to me, you gave me such good advice. The care was there. It was beautiful, dude. And then I remember, this is, this is the little shit I remember, dude. That I remember the next time I saw you on set after that conversation was the first time you, every other time I saw you, it was like, what's up, dude? What's up? The next time I saw you, you went, my boy.

• 52:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 52:29Speaker 01

  And I was like, there's like this new bond, man. It was like beautiful, dude. Like, I really, really, you know, I cherish that shit.

• 52:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, no, it's good. And I mean, we do, it's, you know, I, I love giving advice, but I did that in particular, because you were fucked up about it for sure. I do remember that.

• 52:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:45Stavros Halkias?

  You know, I mean, and parents, I mean, that is hard. You know what I mean?

• 52:48Speaker 01

  It's hard.

• 52:48Stavros Halkias?

  Parental shit is always difficult and it's always nice to get a little, to get a, you know, a different perspective for sure.

• 52:54Speaker 01

  Absolutely, dude. Absolutely. So, I mean, I don't know, you're, you're a, you're a deep dude, you know, but yeah.

• 53:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you know, about, as long as we're talking Andrew Dice Clay, as long as we're talking, uh, types of lo mein, you know, that's, I got some serious.

• 53:10Speaker 01

  What's your favorite kind of, you know, I'm off lo mein.

• 53:13Stavros Halkias?

  You're not a lo mein guy.

• 53:14Speaker 01

  I was.

• 53:14Stavros Halkias?

  What do you do? Chow fun or?

• 53:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, I went to the thinner noodles, the lo mein.

• 53:18Stavros Halkias?

  Thinner? I like, I like, if I'm gonna do anything, I'm gonna go thicker, actually. Isn't chow, was, was chow fun is the thick one, right?

• 53:25Speaker 03

  Chow fun is like those thin, thick ones.

• 53:27Stavros Halkias?

  Thick ones, yeah, yeah. I don't like the angel hair ones, the like, chow mein.

• 53:31Speaker 01

  I like the extremes. I like either the, the thin or the big flats.

• 53:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 53:36Speaker 01

  There's something about the lo mein, it's just the right, it's just, just the certain size of it. I'm like, it's getting in my way in a, in a weird way. It's hard to explain.

• 53:45Stavros Halkias?

  I would like, I don't mind the kind of, the thin, the like size of them, but I wouldn't mind them being a little thicker. I wouldn't mind the little square being a little bigger. I want a more substantial lo mein. I don't want it to like. I don't want to, I want to be kind of a. I wanted to be, I wanted to be a struggle to slurp it up. And that's just.

• 54:03Speaker 01

  What's your lo mein flavor?

• 54:05Stavros Halkias?

  I, you know, it depends. I mean, I do kind of gravitate towards a beef. Uh, but I'll go shrimp as well. If I'm having a beef and broccoli, I'm gonna get a shrimp lo mein.

• 54:15Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 54:16Stavros Halkias?

  You know, it's, it's really order dependent, you know?

• 54:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, I go, when I get Chinese food.

• 54:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, let's talk about this.

• 54:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, I get.

• 54:24Stavros Halkias?

  And then let's, let's bring our beautiful brains to the people.

• 54:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:27Stavros Halkias?

  We gotta help them too. But tell me your Chinese order.

• 54:29Speaker 01

  I get, I hit every food group.

• 54:32Stavros Halkias?

  I love that.

• 54:32Speaker 01

  So I go like, I get the fried chicken wings.

• 54:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, check. So far we're aligned.

• 54:37Speaker 01

  Barbecue spare ribs.

• 54:39Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, you'll throw the spare ribs in there?

• 54:41Speaker 01

  Every time.

• 54:41Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting, okay.

• 54:43Speaker 01

  Egg roll. So there's your two porks. We got a chicken. Then I'll do like a beef and pepper or whatever it is, you know, something like that.

• 54:52Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 54:53Speaker 01

  And then the noodle dish or the rice dish is shrimp. So I'm hitting.

• 54:58Stavros Halkias?

  See, I will.

• 54:58Speaker 01

  I got it all.

• 55:00Stavros Halkias?

  I will go to, I will go a rice and a noodle. I'll go fried rice and noodle if I have to.

• 55:04Speaker 01

  Really?

• 55:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Over the spare ribs. I think that's the, we're pretty close. I would just swap out spare ribs for fried rice.

• 55:12Speaker 01

  Really? See, see, are you, are you one of these people? Cause to me, the noodle and the rice dish is always a side.

• 55:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yep.

• 55:19Speaker 01

  But I, I dated a girl, like her main thing was like a fried rice.

• 55:23Stavros Halkias?

  That's insane.

• 55:23Speaker 01

  It's nuts, right?

• 55:24Stavros Halkias?

  It's a fucking side. Uh, that's, that's fu- that would piss me off if I saw someone and they didn't want to share the fried rice. They're just like, no, this is my meal. It's like, what are you fucking out of your mind? You just, you go to a fucking Italian restaurant and just order like butter noodles and nothing else?

• 55:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's, it's like going to McDonald's and being like, no, I, I eat fries as my meal.

• 55:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 55:42Speaker 01

  It's so weird.

• 55:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 55:44Speaker 01

  But, yeah, I, I, but, but.

• 55:46Stavros Halkias?

  There's something off putting about that.

• 55:48Speaker 01

  Now, the lo mein.

• 55:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 55:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's, it's iconic.

• 55:51Stavros Halkias?

  I don't like it at all.

• 55:53Speaker 01

  The lo mein, I could see a little more acceptable as a dish.

• 55:57Stavros Halkias?

  Depending on how big the chunks of meat are, but even that, see, if I'm having lo mein, I also wouldn't mind, I want a little white rice as a side as well. I like to mix.

• 56:06Speaker 01

  Wait, you wanna bring a second rice?

• 56:08Stavros Halkias?

  If I, look, ob- obviously.

• 56:10Speaker 01

  That's just nuts, dude.

• 56:10Stavros Halkias?

  I like to be carb, I like to have, in my perfect plate is lo mein, fried rice, a little bit of white rice, uh, a chicken wing, an egg roll, and then that beef stuff. You know, beef and broccoli usually just get a little roughage in there, you know?

• 56:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:28Stavros Halkias?

  Um, or the, you know, peppers, but anyway, some kind of beef.

• 56:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, but the hot pepper beef one is awesome.

• 56:34Stavros Halkias?

  Pretty good.

• 56:34Speaker 01

  That's called, yeah.

• 56:35Stavros Halkias?

  But I want it all. I want all those things. I want a, I want a beef, I want a, I want a chicken wing, and I want, um, I guess it would probably be a shrimp lo mein, but then, well, and then I probably would get pork fried rice and shrimp lo mein to kind of space it, and that's how I'm hitting all the.

• 56:49Speaker 01

  Do you ever get the house fried, where it's everything?

• 56:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I'll throw that in the mix sometimes, but I, even that, sometimes that's too many meats in there, and it takes away from the, the rice or the lo mein.

• 57:00Speaker 01

  I've always, I've gotten it, I've always found it suspect. I don't understand why.

• 57:04Stavros Halkias?

  I think it's all the leftovers, I think it's the leftover stuff.

• 57:07Speaker 01

  Why is it the same price to get everything in there?

• 57:09Stavros Halkias?

  That's a great question, that's a great question.

• 57:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, like, it's weird, but I, um, I.

• 57:13Stavros Halkias?

  It overpowers the dish, in my opinion.

• 57:15Speaker 01

  It is a little much, I agree, and then, do you put, I'll do this the next day with, with the leftover fried rice. I'll put it in a bowl, and then I mix it up with duck sauce.

• 57:25Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 57:26Speaker 01

  And add a little soy on it, dude, and it's a whole new experience.

• 57:29Stavros Halkias?

  I like that, I think, again, the duck sauce can be a little overpowering. To me, the beauty of the Chinese and getting this many things, uh, we're talking about, that's four meals right there.

• 57:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:39Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean?

• 57:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:40Stavros Halkias?

  And I'm gonna have them, I'm gonna have two back to back, don't get me wrong, but the next day, that's another one, and then there's the fi- maybe when I get the sauces involved, and it's like, it's the last possible scraping, scrapings, where it's like, the chicken wings have been gone, you know what I mean? The egg rolls are gone. Now we're really getting desperate, and we're put, you know, we're scraping little bits of beef from the beef and broccoli in there, and that's when I might come up with like a really fucked up slurry.

• 58:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 58:05Stavros Halkias?

  You know, almost a, yeah, stew.

• 58:07Speaker 01

  The, uh, we're, yeah, like, this is, we're talking like one of my ultimate. Like, like, my rainy day meals and my depression meals are the same thing. Cause they're serving the same purpose. I'm on the couch all day, watching stuff I already know and love.

• 58:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 58:24Speaker 01

  And I'm gonna eat like, I'm gonna eat, lay down, fall asleep, wake up, eat again.

• 58:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 58:31Speaker 01

  So I do it, my, it's my two go-tos, no bullshit, are it's, it's like Chinese, like smorgasbord.

• 58:36Stavros Halkias?

  Love it.

• 58:37Speaker 01

  Or I go full family meal from KFC.

• 58:40Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, respect, respect.

• 58:43Speaker 01

  And I just keep making plates.

• 58:46Stavros Halkias?

  I like that. I really like that. Yeah, I've never thought of the, of fried chicken for that, but it could, for me, it would probably be the smorgasbord or a pizza order that also has wings attached and maybe fries.

• 59:00Speaker 01

  So I'm glad you said that, cause one other one I will do, I'm not kidding, one other one I will do is I'll get a pizza and a cheesesteak and a hoagie.

• 59:09Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, and a hoagie, respect.

• 59:11Speaker 01

  So I'm having a little Italian hoagie, little cheesesteak, little pizza.

• 59:14Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, that's awesome.

• 59:16Speaker 01

  Fall asleep.

• 59:16Stavros Halkias?

  I love that. I love that. I would probably sub the hoagie for the wings, but we're pretty close. We're pretty aligned.

• 59:23Speaker 01

  Listen, brother, I would put a ho, put a hoagie on top of the wings. I'll put wings on top of the hoagie.

• 59:28Stavros Halkias?

  Nothing wrong with that.

• 59:29Speaker 01

  Go, dude.

• 59:29Stavros Halkias?

  You're right. Maybe some tenders, even some fries. Oh. Let's get to these questions before I fucking put in, put in a $400 seamless order, Eldis.

• 59:37Speaker 01

  I know. We get all worked up.

• 59:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, dude, that sounds so fucking good. All right. What do we got here? Let's, let's take some of this, and let's not forget, I Never Promised You a Rose Garden, right now, out today. Go watch it, guys.

• 59:50Speaker 01

  At Joe DeRosa Comedy on, on YouTube.

• 59:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, we, we'll link it right here. Give it a click. And, uh, yeah, let's take some of, let's take some of our, let's use our beautiful minds to help the people, Joe.

• 1:00:00Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:00:01Speaker 04

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• 1:00:30Speaker 00

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• 1:00:55Speaker 05

  Hey, Stav, hey, LD, esteemed guest. Um, so I'm thirty years old. Been married for a while now. I adore my wife. Um, she's my best friend. Great girl. Um, but she feels like I'm not having sex with her enough.

• 1:01:12Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 1:01:13Speaker 05

  And basically, like, you know, when we first got together, we fucked like jackrabbits constantly, you know, multiple, multiple times a day, as you do in a new relationship.

• 1:01:22Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 1:01:23Speaker 05

  And, you know, it's kind of slowed down now and basically it's kind of my fault, but, um, I hate to sound shallow, but like, you know, she put on a lot of weight over the years and, you know, I don't care what she looks like. Like, I, I love her for her. I absolutely adore her.

• 1:01:40Stavros Halkias?

  Clearly do.

• 1:01:41Speaker 05

  Um, but like, you know, I can't force my dick to be like, hey, dick, let's go. You know what I mean?

• 1:01:46Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, that's crazy.

• 1:01:48Speaker 05

  And she thinks like now, like, oh, I just have a shitty sex drive and like, you know, I need to get on boner pills. And it's like, no, dude, I'm pounding off like three, four times a day still.

• 1:01:58Stavros Halkias?

  That's insane. Hold on, hold on.

• 1:02:01Stavros Halkias?

  You're jacking off four times a day, but you won't fuck your wife because she's a little fatter than she was before? That's lunacy, but I guess let's let him finish.

• 1:02:09Speaker 01

  She probably really appreciates him calling his favorite podcast and giving his name

• 1:02:15Speaker 01

  and distinctive voice.

• 1:02:17Stavros Halkias?

  Let's finish this. Nah, it wasn't me.

• 1:02:20Speaker 01

  His name's LD? That guy's name was LD.

• 1:02:27Speaker 05

  Hounding off like three, four times a day still and you know. If she knew that, it would break her heart. So like.

• 1:02:34Speaker 01

  She's gonna know.

• 1:02:35Speaker 05

  Not only do, you know, I worry about her weight for, you know, the sake of our sex life. It's also like a health thing. Like, you know, we're thirty now, you know, and I'm starting to get worried that, you know, her weight may, you know, affect her life adversely or her health adversely. And I just, you know, don't know how to approach that with her in that conversation. And you know, I honestly don't think I could ever bring myself to be like, yeah, I'm not fucking you because, you know, I'm not as attracted to you as I once was. Um, it would break her heart and, you know, I don't ever want to hurt her like that. So I just, I don't know what to do. Thanks. I love you guys so much. You guys carry my life sometimes. Thank you.

• 1:03:16Stavros Halkias?

  Wow. This is kinda not, like, you really don't want to fuck her that bad, bro?

• 1:03:21Speaker 01

  Well, I think my interpretation is, is he, you know, you can hear the trepidation in his voice. I think he's trying to be nice and I think he's saying she put on a little weight. He's like, but he's saying like, no, no, she gained significant weight.

• 1:03:37Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, sure, sure.

• 1:03:37Speaker 01

  But he doesn't want to sound like an asshole. That was the way I interpreted that.

• 1:03:40Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, that's very possible.

• 1:03:41Speaker 01

  Uh, but my advice to this, take it or leave it. Look, with, without, uh, y- you know, without transparency and honesty, you're, y- you're doomed. This is doomed anyway.

• 1:03:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:59Speaker 01

  This is doomed anyway. So, so if you can sit down and have the conversation and have it in a respectful way and voice your concerns first and the, the shit about the sex second, you know, that's a conversation you, I think you should probably have. And if it leads to a breakup, it leads to a breakup. But this is, this is heading towards a breakup anyway.

• 1:04:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's a great point. Is it like, if you ju- if things just kind of, first of all, you may think you're being nice, whatever, but it's like, clearly, this has seeped into, A, your sex life, but you're probably resentful in other ways that you're like, you're prob- like, are you treating her as nicely? Like, he's saying like, she's my best friend, whatever. You know what I mean? Like, are you, you're probably not treating her as good as you did when she was hot, huh?

• 1:04:47Speaker 01

  I'm sorry. I just pictured going, hey, we need to talk. And she's like, hold on, let me get my meatballs.

• 1:04:56Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, just takes that whole tray of lasagna. What did you want to see me about?

• 1:05:03Speaker 01

  Go ahead, I'm listening.

• 1:05:04Stavros Halkias?

  I'm listening.

• 1:05:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and listen, I am no stranger to, I have literally been the per- I have gained weight in every relationship I've ever been in. I've gotten fatter, even fatter, um...

• 1:05:19Speaker 01

  But the ladies don't seem to mind. You do, uh...

• 1:05:22Stavros Halkias?

  They don't mind as much. Yeah, they don't mind as much, for sure, but it's like, in a relationship, that's different, right? Like, yeah, I will, I've gotten to fuck girls when I'm fat as shit, but I just mean like, anytime you're in a rela- and, and people have said this about marriage, and me, Eldis is the only married man here, me and Joe, you know, we, we, you know, he's freshly fucked something up, I've fucked all my relationships up, you know, like, we're not exactly, uh, we don't really know how to, you know, make a marriage, so, grain of salt here, but my friends who are in successful, long-term relationships, they've said things to the effect of like, you kinda like, you both grow and you continue to change and you have to like, keep falling in love with

• 1:06:02Stavros Halkias?

  kind of a new person in certain ways, and you're just not, you know, like, you're not attracted to your wife in a way that's, uh, you, you, you don't want to hurt her feelings, whatever, but by just kinda pretending there's no problem, you are, she does feel like there's a prob- and by the way, do you think she's fucking stupid? Like, she, we live in a world where women are judged about their bodies from the time they're fucking 10 years old, like, she has some inkling here, especially if the weight loss is what, you know, is what you're saying, or the weight gain is like, really extreme, and, and maybe that's projection on her part, like, oh, like, maybe she is in denial, and she's like, try- and hoping it's like,

• 1:06:44Stavros Halkias?

  you have an ED problem, but if you won't even be like, hey, like, part of this is, you know...

• 1:06:53Stavros Halkias?

  You could say it's a mixture of stuff, whatever. But I do agree where you kinda have to have some kinda conversation about this.

• 1:07:01Speaker 01

  But also.

• 1:07:02Stavros Halkias?

  Because right now, he's like, you're already engaging in behaviors that like would hurt her feelings like.

• 1:07:08Speaker 01

  Yes, her feelings.

• 1:07:08Stavros Halkias?

  Beating off behind her back is step one to cheating in a weird way. Like hiding your sex life and pretending your sex life is different. It's like you're, you're, you're, you're, you're basically divorcing your, um. You're, you're turning your relationship into two things where it's like this person that I love. But you're almost like saying you just wanna be friends with your wife. That's kinda what you're saying right now and it's like, that's dangerous, I think.

• 1:07:32Speaker 01

  But also, let's hit it from the other side. The other side of this could be, she didn't gain a ton of weight. You're just not into this anymore.

• 1:07:39Stavros Halkias?

  Right, that's possible.

• 1:07:40Speaker 01

  That's possible.

• 1:07:41Stavros Halkias?

  Are you lying to yourself too?

• 1:07:43Speaker 01

  Here's the thing that both of you, I think, need to understand. This concept of.

• 1:07:53Speaker 01

  I don't think I'll ever date a woman ever again.

• 1:07:56Stavros Halkias?

  Stop, sentence ends right there.

• 1:08:03Stavros Halkias?

  Clip it, we'll do some AI of him kissing guys.

• 1:08:11Speaker 01

  I don't, you know, I don't, I don't, I just, I don't, I don't see myself ever dating a, a woman ever again that, that is not sexually exploratory. I just don't. I think the idea of this one-on-one monogamy, you can never have any outside experience, even if it's together.

• 1:08:29Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:08:31Speaker 01

  Fuck that shit, man. Like, it's not normal. It's, it's. And then all these peop- women get, I'm not putting it on women, but I'm just saying, for example, like.

• 1:08:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, they're all whores. I see what you're saying.

• 1:08:44Speaker 01

  I can't believe he watches porn. It's like, what do, what do you want him to do?

• 1:08:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, sure.

• 1:08:49Speaker 01

  You guys been together for 20 years. Like, like you, it's, it's, it's not a normal thing to, to go. Well, it's like, like, monogamy amongst our species is not normal. So if we're, if we want it to be normal, we have to start making a few adjustments.

• 1:09:03Stavros Halkias?

  I think, I think like, I think you're right in terms of you need to be with somebody compatible who shares your views, right? Like, I think like, I think it can work for some people, right? Like, I think, but I agree with you. There are plenty of people that it's not exactly right for. I don't knew, I don't know that we can go that far with this guy, right?

• 1:09:20Speaker 01

  No, no, I'm not saying he's gotta be like.

• 1:09:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, saying let's go, let's be open is not the solution for this guy.

• 1:09:28Speaker 01

  That's not, that's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is, is like, there's a version of this where it's like, you might just no longer be attracted to this person due to time and basic biology and whatever you want to call it.

• 1:09:40Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, sure.

• 1:09:41Speaker 01

  And that's also kind of a normal thing, you know, like, but if you, if you want it to work and you want to fix it, then it's either got to be that you're being too shallow or you have to have a fucking conversation with her.

• 1:09:53Stavros Halkias?

  And I, and I also think the, the solution, like everything, and especially it feels like for marriage is probably a compromise, right? Or meeting somewhere in the middle. It's like, dude, you're telling me, you're, what you're saying is like you're repulsed by your wife. Because if you're saying a woman is begging you to have sex every day and you're jacking off four times a day, and you don't feel like she's, you would rather fuck, you wouldn't fuck her once instead of, you wouldn't trade your hand for pussy once a day? Then you're, then it's bigger than I'm, you know what I mean?

• 1:10:25Speaker 01

  Guess what else too?

• 1:10:26Stavros Halkias?

  What's that?

• 1:10:27Speaker 01

  You just hit something that I can't believe neither of us said yet. Dude, beating off to porn is

• 1:10:33Stavros Halkias?

  That's true.

• 1:10:34Speaker 01

  Provenly, provingly bad.

• 1:10:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:37Speaker 01

  For the sex life with your wife.

• 1:10:39Stavros Halkias?

  That's a great point too.

• 1:10:40Speaker 01

  So as much as I understand porn and its use and why a guy can, could utilize porn but still love his wife and still have sex with his wife, uh, because it is a little variety, if you will. It is proven, so dude, you're exhausting your dick four times a day on porn, your brain does not know the difference.

• 1:10:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:10:59Speaker 01

  Between watching porn and orgasming to porn to actually having sex. Your brain literally does not know the difference. Your brain, like when you are cycling through clips, your brain thinks we're cycling through women right now.

• 1:11:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:11:12Speaker 01

  And then when you orgasm, it's like, we had an orgasm with this person, like, so it's, it's depleting any chance you have, I think.

• 1:11:20Stavros Halkias?

  That's a great point.

• 1:11:21Speaker 01

  Give yourself a porn break and see how you're feeling in a week.

• 1:11:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, no, that's true.

• 1:11:25Speaker 01

  You know?

• 1:11:26Stavros Halkias?

  It'll make, yeah, it'll make you wanna fuck your wife more and like, that's a great point, it's like, stop beating, go no fat and you'll wanna fuck your wife.

• 1:11:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:11:34Stavros Halkias?

  But also, I also think like, if you're at the point where you would rather jack off, and a woman that you love and is your best friend is begging you for dick, and you would rather beat off four times a day than fuck her even every other day? Then this is a bigger problem than she put on a couple pounds. Like, you are fully, completely, not just not that attracted to her, but repulsed by her? So you have to start being honest with yourself about i- is this fixable? Do you have a, are you beating off to like crazy shit too much? It's like, uh, you know, also it's like, she's put on some weight, how have you, have you been, are you in great shape? Do you resent her for that? Have you, was that something important to you? That's another thing, as you grow and you, you know, in these relationships,

• 1:12:19Stavros Halkias?

  if you don't have conversations about basic like, uh, values, and honestly, this is one of those things, right? Some people are like, hey, when, as I grow older, I'm just gonna kinda let myself, you know, fitness is not a huge deal for me, I'm a try, you know, it's whatever. Some people are like, you know, if I gain ten pounds a year, what, you know, if I gain, if I gain like a couple pounds a year and then as I age, who cares? Some people are fucking freaks about staying, you know, keeping like, this could just be a values thing you don't share, but either way, there's something bigger than just like, oh, I don't rea- I'm not that attracted to her. You have to have a conversation, and yes, what's more important, hurt like, try, maybe slightly hurting her feelings? Um, or just basically slowly letting this,

• 1:13:03Stavros Halkias?

  cause what you're on is a path to this not being a relationship at all. Is some, you might argue this isn't, it isn't one right now. If you're in a sexless marriage where one person's begging the other one, and the, and you can't even fuck her one, like, you can't fuck her every once in a while, bro?

• 1:13:17Speaker 01

  You're worried about a shipwreck, but this is an erosion that's happening.

• 1:13:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, exa- yeah, absolutely.

• 1:13:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:13:23Stavros Halkias?

  You're just, it's just slow, the raft is slowly losing air right now, you know what I mean, like?

• 1:13:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:13:28Stavros Halkias?

  Um, so anyway, whatever, man, good luck, fuck you. What else we got, Eldis? I'm thinking about Chinese food, Steve.

• 1:13:36Speaker 06

  Hey, Sam. Eldis, esteemed guest, first time, long time, you know the deal? Um, I'm twenty-four, but I've been struggling with a sex addiction as my entire adult life, pretty much.

• 1:13:53Speaker 06

  Sleeping with a lot of people I shouldn't and feeling a lot of shame and really gross about it afterwards.

• 1:13:59Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 1:13:59Speaker 06

  Um, I'm in therapy now and we have it really under control. I'm doing really good, but my dilemma is this.

• 1:14:08Speaker 06

  I'm essentially the depraved fuck boy of the friend group and whenever I tell my friends some of the sick shit I've done, the joy on their face completely outweighs the shame and guilt that I feel.

• 1:14:24Stavros Halkias?

  So you're gay?

• 1:14:26Speaker 06

  I'm wondering if you think it's-

• 1:14:27Stavros Halkias?

  So what, well, the important part of sex is telling your male friends about it? That's more important to you? Anyway, go ahead.

• 1:14:36Speaker 06

  And I'm wondering if you think it's worth it to keep indulging while I'm young, while I can still do it. Just so I get those great stories every once in a while to tell my friends.

• 1:14:48Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 1:14:49Speaker 06

  When I let them know I was banging a married woman in an open relationship in a cemetery. And the laughter they had after that.

• 1:14:58Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 1:14:59Speaker 06

  I mean.

• 1:14:59Stavros Halkias?

  That's crazy.

• 1:15:00Speaker 06

  Shit, that outweighed all the shame I felt from sleeping with sex workers and all the other disgusting things that I've done.

• 1:15:07Stavros Halkias?

  Also, sleeping with sex workers is that disgusting?

• 1:15:10Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:15:10Stavros Halkias?

  You have a weird hangup.

• 1:15:12Speaker 01

  Dude, this guy needs to stop being a pussy, man. He's crushing ass and he's like, I'm sad about it. Fuck do you want to? Just enjoy it, dude, or don't, and if you don't enjoy it, then don't do it. Like, the shame you're feeling is, first of all, is very natural to feel some shame and, and because you're, you're, it's a dopamine depletion after you orgasm, which is one of the reasons why I had that my whole life. And then when I was forty-five, uh, a clinician was like, we're, I did a blood panel and she was like, your testosterone is really low. You should get on a testosterone treatment.

• 1:15:54Speaker 06

  Holy shit.

• 1:15:55Speaker 01

  So I did, and she's like, it's gonna improve your sex drive in some way, but I didn't know how. She just said, that's gonna be part of this. And I was like, well, that's cool. All of a sudden, when I had sex.

• 1:16:09Speaker 01

  I didn't immediately feel sad afterwards. When I jerked off, I didn't immediately feel sad afterwards. And I always thought that that was like shame and guilt. And then I looked up low testosterone orgasm and the first thing I found was it was like, you will have a feeling of depression and whatever like. So that's part of it.

• 1:16:26Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, I've been low T my whole life.

• 1:16:29Speaker 01

  It's, it'll, it'll, yeah, like it'll get you like when, when I got into this, like that thing of like,

• 1:16:37Speaker 01

  like, so you know, sometimes you'll, not to be crass, but like sometimes you'll sleep with, or rude, but sometimes you'll sleep with somebody and you're like, as soon as it's done.

• 1:16:45Stavros Halkias?

  What have I done?

• 1:16:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, I gotta get out of here, whatever. And that started going away, like all of it was like, all I was, I was like, oh, there's a mental connection to all this. So that could be part of it. But look, you know, dude, my, uh, my friend, uh, I, I had a friend who, I'm not religious, but I had a friend and his friend was a priest. And he would talk about like guys coming into confession and talking about this kind of stuff.

• 1:17:09Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome. The priests were just letting you, just over beers telling you about that?

• 1:17:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just spilling the beans. And, um, the priest said he's always the same thing. He goes, of course you're depressed, your sins are many. And, uh, and he didn't mean it like you're, you're sinning against God. He just meant it like you're, you're, you're living in an empty way.

• 1:17:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:31Speaker 01

  Like you're living in a selfish way. Like, and that is causing, of course that's going to make you sad. So, you know, it, this, this sounds like an addiction. That's also going to carry guilt with it and stuff. And it sounds like you need to get, some of that guilt might be coming from some of these things we're talking about. But it sounds to me at the end of the day, you have an addiction, you're continuing to steer into your addiction. For some reason, you need your friend that you've got, we talked about imposter syndrome earlier. You've got imposter syndrome with your own friends that you think you need them to light up and smile and laugh at sex stories. So if they, if you, if they don't, they won't like you or something.

• 1:18:13Stavros Halkias?

  That's all you're bringing to the table in your view. That's a good, that's a good point is like, this guy clearly, his, I, what, his like relationship to sex is so fucked up in so many different ways. Where it's like, you know, he says he has all this shame. He says he's doing stuff he's not proud of. But then he like wants to tell his, like, the fact that your friends. This is like being like, oh, heroin is really ruining me, but my boys love hearing about me doing it. It's like, come on, dude, respect yourself a little bit. And again, we're, we're two fucking real pieces of shit on this podcast where it's like, what you've done would not faze us, I promise you.

• 1:18:56Stavros Halkias?

  Whatever the most disgusting thing you think you've done, I promise you, Joe or I have fucking done it. You know what I mean? So we're not coming at this from a prude perspective.

• 1:19:05Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:19:05Stavros Halkias?

  But you clearly want to be in therapy. He's talking about how it's going well. He's in therapy. He's getting his shit under control. Showing off for your friends is like, you're literally, that's little kid thinking, dude. And being an adult is like, that's, this is literally like, yeah, you know, the classic, if your friends jumped off a bridge, would you go with them type shit? Where it's like, just because your friends think it's cool, doesn't mean you have to keep doing something harmful to yourself.

• 1:19:30Speaker 01

  Well, also too, if I may add another thing.

• 1:19:33Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:19:34Speaker 01

  Look, man, some of this can just be the sexual encounters you're pursuing.

• 1:19:40Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:19:40Speaker 01

  Like, some of this guilt you're feeling could be like, no, I had sex with a sex worker, which is fine. There's nothing wrong with that. But it's like, but, but you might have, you might be like, you're in your subconscious level, shit, man, I hope that was, she was, she's, she's clean and I hope that I'm safe. And you know what I mean? You started that. You have sex with a woman in an open marriage. I hope it's actually open. What if it's not? What if her husband actually comes and hurts me? You know? Like, like, these are things, like, these, these people that you're engaging with, there's nothing wrong with engaging with them. But maybe it's just the scenarios themselves that are also making you feel very uncomfortable. I don't know. If you have a real sex addiction, I would go, I would start going to sex parties and shit.

• 1:20:22Stavros Halkias?

  Feed it. It's like a fever. Feed the fever. Or starve a cold fever, feed a fever.

• 1:20:28Speaker 01

  At least.

• 1:20:28Stavros Halkias?

  Starve a sex addiction. Or feed a sex addiction, starve a heroin addiction.

• 1:20:32Speaker 01

  At least see if it works at that point, maybe. I don't know. You know, you go, you know, I feel great.

• 1:20:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, make yourself, it's like when you're, when you catch your son smoking one cigarette, you're like, you're gonna smoke the whole pack. We're catching you fuck pussy, you're gonna fuck 12 pussies at this party, pal. Until you're sick of pussy. Uh, yeah, look, go to a sex party if you want, but I think ultimately you're on the path that, for whatever reason, right?

• 1:21:01Stavros Halkias?

  Even if you're, if you're, there's a way you could behave this way and it doesn't affect you and we'd be fine with it, no one here would judge you, but it does affect you negatively. And you clearly want a healthier relationship to sex, you wanna, you want, and I agree, there's probably ways where you can maybe take away the things that make you feel really bad and then just have a healthier, like, you know, you're, you are young, maybe, you don't, you don't have to necessarily get married or anything, but you could be hooking up with people, but it could be people you have some kind of connection to.

• 1:21:29Stavros Halkias?

  Either way, it's not worth, I mean, this, you're 24, you have to start shedding the thinking of doing stuff to impress your friends, that's pathetic.

• 1:21:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:21:39Stavros Halkias?

  So that's the number one takeaway. Figure out your relationship to sex, it's good, you're, you're trying to, you know, it's gotten to the point where it's addiction, you're in therapy for it, figure out what's right for you and do that, and your friends won't fucking give a fuck. You think, you think that's all you're bringing to the table, you're bringing more to the table, they actually fucking like you. A lot of the times the shit you worry about is just like a throwaway to people. They, they don't consider you the guy who, you know, they think it's funny, but it's like, you know, those stories end for everyone at some point.

• 1:22:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:22:10Stavros Halkias?

  But, you know, good luck. Whatever, who fucking cares? I want pizza.

• 1:22:18Stavros Halkias?

  Now I'm thinking of rotisserie chicken too.

• 1:22:20Speaker 01

  Nah, dude, I'm thinking.

• 1:22:21Stavros Halkias?

  I want Peruvian chicken.

• 1:22:22Speaker 01

  I want a cheesesteak.

• 1:22:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:23Speaker 01

  See, here's the thing, it's like, I wanna mix it up, I want a cheesesteak and fried chicken wings from the Chinese place.

• 1:22:30Stavros Halkias?

  That's a power move.

• 1:22:31Speaker 01

  You know what's great? When a pizza place's wings are the breaded fried ones and not just the regular hot wings, you're, you're in a whole new ball.

• 1:22:38Stavros Halkias?

  I do like, I, I, those, you got, when a pizza place has good wings. Huge plus.

• 1:22:44Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:22:44Stavros Halkias?

  Humongous plus, but I've seen people really fuck up the breaded ones too, though. That can be an issue. I've seen pizza places, cause I think the worst wings are those breaded ones because they're just like super froze, like totally frozen and they don't give a fuck. But if they do that in a like uh elevated way, that's.

• 1:23:02Speaker 01

  Well, here here's my thing. I I I enjoy both, but there's a specific version of that breaded one. That tastes, when you get it, you're the frozen one, you get when you get it, you're like, oh, this is that.

• 1:23:15Stavros Halkias?

  You're right, you're right.

• 1:23:16Speaker 01

  The G one.

• 1:23:16Stavros Halkias?

  If I had to get, if I had to have a low quality wing, it's that frozen breaded one. Fried hard. They're like, this is crispy, this is nice. It hides some of the imperfections of the low grade chicken. You know?

• 1:23:28Speaker 01

  And they taste exactly like when KFC had hot wings and they were just breaded but spicy.

• 1:23:34Stavros Halkias?

  That I know what you're talking about. Those are good. With the spices baked into.

• 1:23:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, those are good. Done right. Those are very good.

• 1:23:42Speaker 04

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• 1:24:11Speaker 00

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• 1:24:37Stavros Halkias?

  All right, next question, Eldis. Let's do a couple more here.

• 1:24:39Speaker 07

  Hey, Sammy, I got a question for you. Um, I'm a big tits guy and I know, I know you are too.

• 1:24:47Speaker 07

  For some context, my wife and I, we are both in our late twenties and my wife has. Wonderful big ol' rack on her, um, and it's one of my favorite things. But she recently learned from multiple doctors now that she has a gene that increases her likelihood of breast cancer drastically. Um, this gene basically makes it so that, um, between now and the rest of her life, the doctors are saying there's a sixty to seventy percent chance that she will get breast cancer at least once. Um, and her mom has had breast cancer twice now.

• 1:25:30Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 1:25:31Speaker 07

  So, we're pretty worried about it.

• 1:25:32Stavros Halkias?

  No shit.

• 1:25:33Speaker 07

  Um, the doctors recommend that she gets a double mastectomy.

• 1:25:37Stavros Halkias?

  How is there even a question? I know, this is insane.

• 1:25:39Speaker 07

  To completely remove both of her breasts, nipples and everything.

• 1:25:44Stavros Halkias?

  Nipples and everything? Oh my god, not the nipples.

• 1:25:47Speaker 07

  My wife is pretty concerned about it.

• 1:25:48Stavros Halkias?

  To save your wife's life.

• 1:25:50Speaker 07

  At this age right now, she doesn't wanna get the procedure done because she also knows that I like breasts.

• 1:25:58Stavros Halkias?

  What?

• 1:25:59Speaker 07

  That I have big breasts a lot. Um, so she's very self-conscious and I'm trying to reassure her. So, you know, in short, my question to you is, what can I do to reassure her? Every once in a while, she makes jokes that, to our friends, that once she gets this operation done, we're never gonna have sex again because most of the time, I, I get hard by playing with her boobs. So, you know, I wanna reassure her that she can be, once we get the procedure done, and we will stay together forever. Um, so I just wanna hear your advice on this and maybe what would you do in this situation for yourself?

• 1:26:35Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, alright. This is better than I thought it was gonna be.

• 1:26:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:26:40Stavros Halkias?

  But also, like, I'm sorry, I'm confused. You can't get fake tits? What the fuck?

• 1:26:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, they reconstruct, they, they make a new nipple.

• 1:26:47Stavros Halkias?

  Didn't Angelina Jolie famously get the double mastectomy and she has big ass fake tits now?

• 1:26:52Speaker 01

  They make, yeah, they make new tits, they, they make a fake nipple, they tattoo. What they do is, is they, well, I, I learned how they make the fake nipple when my mom had breast cancer, they, they take a piece of skin.

• 1:27:02Stavros Halkias?

  You're like, give her a nice rack. You're like, I'm staying on the road extra mile, you're getting the top nipples they can get ya.

• 1:27:09Speaker 01

  They make a, they take a little piece of skin. And they make like the bump.

• 1:27:16Speaker 01

  And then they tattoo the areola.

• 1:27:19Stavros Halkias?

  Look at that.

• 1:27:20Speaker 01

  And they make like a fake nipple.

• 1:27:21Stavros Halkias?

  Perfect.

• 1:27:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:27:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, look, what are we even fucking talking about? First of all, what the fuck is wrong with your, like, how low is your wife's self-esteem? That she's like, well, I'll just, I'll just have a 70% chance of cancer so my fucking husband can get hard.

• 1:27:37Speaker 01

  Here's my question, and maybe I'm ignorant as shit. Why, why do you have to preemptively do it? Why can't you just keep getting regular checkups? And then if they, they see signs of cancer, then do it.

• 1:27:51Speaker 03

  I, I Googled it when I got this question, cause that seemed a little weird to me too. Like, why would you like preemptively do that shit? But that is something that is done when there's like a high likelihood of breast cancer.

• 1:28:02Speaker 01

  I know. So there's gotta be a reason why.

• 1:28:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I think it's probably just safe. It's like.

• 1:28:06Speaker 03

  It is kind of like a standard route you can take if like, you know, you're highly likely.

• 1:28:10Stavros Halkias?

  If that was me, right? Like, if that was me and they're like testicular cancer, you could get one of your nuts. I wouldn't check my nuts every four months. I would get them chopped off and get like a little fake nut in there. You know what I mean? Like, I wouldn't risk this. So I think it's just like.

• 1:28:24Speaker 01

  Easier though.

• 1:28:25Stavros Halkias?

  But I'm just, I'm just trying to say like, I'm just, I see why you would just do it. You know what I mean? Because it's like, if you can just remove the likelihood that cancer is coming into your, you know, into your body at all, I think you do it.

• 1:28:38Speaker 01

  I know a girl who had this done when she was like 22. And she was, I met her after she had this preemptive thing done. And she was one of the hottest girls I've ever seen in my life. I saw her, my buddy was, was hooking up with her and I slept on her couch one night. And in the middle of the night, she came out for like water and she was in like a tank top and panties and she. She was like one of the, I was like,

• 1:29:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:06Speaker 01

  You can, you can carry on.

• 1:29:08Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely, absolutely. Yeah, this is like, I mean, is there some reason, is there something we're missing about not getting implants? I don't understand. Cause he didn't really mention them and that seems to me like the answer.

• 1:29:21Speaker 01

  I'm assuming he left out a detail of either my wife doesn't want to get fake boobs.

• 1:29:26Stavros Halkias?

  There's no way.

• 1:29:27Speaker 01

  Or I, you know, I'm not attracted. I hate, there are guys out there, I'm not defending it, but there are guys out there that are just like, I loathe fake tits and they turn me off.

• 1:29:41Stavros Halkias?

  You know, I couldn't be, I couldn't be more anti, I mean, that's ridiculous.

• 1:29:44Speaker 01

  I, I don't.

• 1:29:45Stavros Halkias?

  I've said this before, it's like, why are you standing in the way of science?

• 1:29:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:29:49Stavros Halkias?

  Like, it's like, I've said again, okay, don't have air conditioning.

• 1:29:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:29:52Stavros Halkias?

  Don't drink fucking pasteurized milk then. You know what I mean? Like, we have, we have techno, don't take Advil when you have a headache if you don't want science, man.

• 1:30:01Speaker 01

  I feel like there's a part of this, he might have left that out where he was like, maybe she's like, no, I won't get reconstructive.

• 1:30:08Stavros Halkias?

  But, but somebody.

• 1:30:09Speaker 01

  Or maybe he's like, I'm turned off by fake boobs and she's like, well, I don't want to do it because I don't want, you did not be a try, I don't know.

• 1:30:14Stavros Halkias?

  That's crazy though, because this woman is saying she's, she's thinking about risking keeping her tits around for him. She wouldn't get fake tits? I don't understand. So anyway, reassure her, so I, you know, get breast implants, then be like, also, the fact that you've let this go on this long is insane. The fact that this comes up and you're like, hey, you're being ridic, like, I love you more than anything. The idea that you would not do that, you would risk your life for this kind of reason? I'm almost offended that you would play with your life for, like, that, like, I can't even, the fact she's even making these jokes, like, how haven't you nipped this in the bud?

• 1:30:56Stavros Halkias?

  Like, I know, you know, we're comedians, whatever, everything, but it's like, I would have to sit my wife down and be like, we're not joking about this, this isn't funny, this is your life, we're gonna do this.

• 1:31:06Speaker 01

  Control her.

• 1:31:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, exactly, yeah, control your bitch, control your fat titted bitch and get her some big fake tits. I mean, that's it, dude, chop the, chop her nut, big natties off and get her some big fakies.

• 1:31:17Speaker 01

  And then for the rest of your life, you get to hold that over her head.

• 1:31:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:20Speaker 01

  And who bought you those titties?

• 1:31:26Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly.

• 1:31:27Speaker 01

  This is a power move dude. Take it, take the power.

• 1:31:33Stavros Halkias?

  It's the most, I've said it, we've said it on the podcast before, it's one of the most romantic things I can think of is buying somebody fake tits. Because, you know, there's no guarantee, she leaves you, those tits go with them.

• 1:31:43Speaker 01

  Pussy reconstruction.

• 1:31:46Speaker 01

  I think that's the most romantic thing. When you say, honey, can I please pay to reconstruct your lunch meat pussy?

• 1:31:57Stavros Halkias?

  That's beautiful, that is beautiful, yeah, and I hope you find that one day, Joe.

• 1:32:03Stavros Halkias?

  What else we got, LD?

• 1:32:06Speaker 01

  You know what they should be, when they do a vagina reconstruction?

• 1:32:10Stavros Halkias?

  What about?

• 1:32:11Speaker 01

  They should put one of those, uh, automatic air freshener things.

• 1:32:18Stavros Halkias?

  Goes off every, goes off every 25 minutes?

• 1:32:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:32:22Stavros Halkias?

  From the top corner, that's just like.

• 1:32:26Stavros Halkias?

  I don't want to do chemically though, I want to just fresh air. Yeah, we'll think about it.

• 1:32:31Speaker 01

  Alright.

• 1:32:31Stavros Halkias?

  We'll, we'll draw some schematics up.

• 1:32:35Speaker 08

  Hey Skov, hey Otis, hey esteemed guests, um, I have a question about a group of guys that, uh, I've been friends with since college. We had a fantasy football league and it's been going on for a couple of years now. The problem is the guy that is the commissioner, uh, had a fight with one of the guys and they left, and so last year, he invited his wife to join the league. Um, his wife is cool, it's fine, but the problem is that they started trading with each other and all, everybody else is pissed now.

• 1:33:10Stavros Halkias?

  That's not good.

• 1:33:11Speaker 08

  Not really sure, other guys have talked about it, about not joining, but it's one of the only times or places that we still connect, um, together since college, so just wondering your advice, should we just quit the league and start our own, tell this guy to fuck you, or should we just suck it up and say, you know, this, this guy's... livelihood this is wife she's probably just making him do it but wanted to know your advice saw you on the road on the dreamboat tour it was fucking awesome so you and JP both killed it thank you bye

• 1:33:44Stavros Halkias?

  I mean look his wife's cool but it changes the vibe immediately like it's like it just becomes a different thing with a fantasy league when it's like almost like a reunion with the like think about your group chat with the fellas think about if one of their wives was in it it's a completely different place even if she's cool as shit it just there's no way it's not a little neutered

• 1:34:07Speaker 01

  I gotta be honest and I feel bad

• 1:34:08Stavros Halkias?

  yeah

• 1:34:09Speaker 01

  I zoned out I didn't listen I don't even know what you're talking about something caught my attention

• 1:34:18Speaker 01

  what's his problem

• 1:34:19Stavros Halkias?

  basically

• 1:34:20Speaker 01

  sorry

• 1:34:20Stavros Halkias?

  he's in a fantasy football league it's okay thank you for your for your honesty being upfront about it

• 1:34:25Speaker 01

  yeah

• 1:34:25Stavros Halkias?

  this guy's in a fantasy football league uh the commissioner got in a fight with some guy kicked him out

• 1:34:31Speaker 01

  okay

• 1:34:31Stavros Halkias?

  the commissioner's wife is now his replacement right and he our caller here

• 1:34:36Speaker 01

  wait wait wait the commissioner got kicked out

• 1:34:38Stavros Halkias?

  no no no no

• 1:34:39Speaker 01

  the commissioner kicked the guy out and then the guy who got kicked out then the commissioner's wife replaced the guy that got kicked out

• 1:34:46Stavros Halkias?

  yes

• 1:34:46Speaker 01

  got it okay

• 1:34:47Stavros Halkias?

  so and and our caller's not even mad that the wife's in there he's just saying now they trade with each other and so it's clearly unbalanced trades is my guess so here's the thing

• 1:34:58Speaker 01

  yeah you don't just plug what was the criteria for your wife to take the spot

• 1:35:03Stavros Halkias?

  yeah I mean that's nuts uh here's what I would say for real here's what I would do I would say now do you have does anybody in your anybody else want to be the commissioner because basically the commissioner can veto trades and so if they're doing a clearly unfair trade the commissioner has to have the power to veto right so what I would say is like hey if you want your wife you because if they've already done this first season and they're trading ridiculous she'd be like hey man and you have info right like you have uh all the old trades you could be like you know this is crazy you fucking traded you know you traded uh I don't know Justin Jefferson from Miami's defense or whatever and like that should not be allowed whatever He has to relinquish.

• 1:35:47Stavros Halkias?

  If he wants to keep his wife with the league, he has to relinquish his powers as commissioner. And somebody else has to, has to do, has to do it.

• 1:35:56Speaker 01

  Why do some men and women not get this? Why? Why? It drives me crazy. There's nothing wrong with a group of dudes, remaining a group of dudes to do.

• 1:36:09Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely.

• 1:36:09Speaker 01

  To do whatever their version of dude shit is. I'm not saying that women can't be in this, these leagues. I'm not even saying that men and women can't be in these leagues. I'm saying that what was already pre-established here was it was a dudes' club. And I, it really drives me fucking crazy. That like, like, like there are guys that just don't get this and they just show up to a dude hang and like they bring their girl. And it's like, dude, I like your girl. I love your girl. But this is a dude hang.

• 1:36:38Stavros Halkias?

  This was not the time.

• 1:36:39Speaker 01

  And it just shifts things a little bit.

• 1:36:40Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely.

• 1:36:41Speaker 01

  And for any women thinking that I'm being sexist or whatever, I'm not. Because I want you to think about when you have a girls' night and one of your guys shows up. The fucking way he shifts his energy.

• 1:36:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:36:52Speaker 01

  And comes in like, uh-oh ladies, oh girls' night. And starts, and starts literally acting more like a chick.

• 1:36:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:36:59Speaker 01

  Because he doesn't want to fuck up the girls' night energy. Like, it's just like, just, it's. And then the fact that it's the commissioner, I don't trust it. This is, this is a dirty.

• 1:37:08Stavros Halkias?

  And, yeah.

• 1:37:09Speaker 01

  This is dirty. This is a dirty, something's dirty's going on here.

• 1:37:12Stavros Halkias?

  It's not good, the trade, the, and, and to our callers' credit, he's not even making the point that we're both saying that they fucked the vibes up. He's just saying like, the fucking trades are pissing him off. And so for me, it's like, somebody else has to be commissioner, somebody has to have veto power over their trades. Cause you're not allowed to trade, you know.

• 1:37:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, you know why the trades are pissing him off? Cause the guy threw his wife into this thing.

• 1:37:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, no, yeah.

• 1:37:35Speaker 01

  And yeah, you know, it's like, it's like, go find another dude that replaces the dude. Like, I don't know, is that shitty?

• 1:37:40Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, I think you're right.

• 1:37:42Speaker 01

  Or go find a lady at least that knows the fucking game, no?

• 1:37:44Stavros Halkias?

  But it seems like she knows it. It seems like he's getting annoyed that they're unf, they're basically cheating essentially.

• 1:37:50Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:37:50Stavros Halkias?

  He's not even annoyed, like, I agree with you. I had, that was my.

• 1:37:54Speaker 01

  Can't stress enough, I didn't listen.

• 1:37:55Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right. It didn't stop, it didn't stop you from coming in hot with an opinion though. And I respect that. Um, but yeah, so I I think if your main issue is how this shit is kind of unfair, then you just, then you have to be like, alright, man, you can't be the commissioner, this is ridiculous, like you and your wife. And you need actual proof, by the way, because you said they've been trading with each other. Did they actually do unfair trades? Because if not, then you then then maybe you don't actually care about it on being unfair and you're just looking for a different um avenue to complain about the vibes getting fucked up. But either way,

• 1:38:33Stavros Halkias?

  I think he has to be replaced as commissioner, and if he doesn't want to do that, or if he's like, oh, come on, that's you guys are being ridiculous, just start your own fucking league, go start a league with the guy who got kicked out, who cares? Like, that's what I would say. Attempt to save the group, and if the commissioner fights back, or he's like, you guys are being ridiculous, just start your own fucking, start your own league, it's not a big deal.

• 1:38:55Speaker 03

  I I got a question, I fully agree with you, I mean, it sounds like foul play between the commissioner and his wife for sure. Something needs to be done here. I am wondering, I've never like actually done a fantasy league. Um, how often does it happen that like when a bunch of guys are in it, or whoever like, how many, how often does it happen that like people naturally faction together and like start operating in like bad faith cahoots?

• 1:39:18Stavros Halkias?

  But that's so, okay, that the commissioner usually has veto power, because yes, let's say somebody's out of the, yeah, you're good, go take a piss. Let's say somebody's out of the playoffs or whatever. Like, let's say me and you were in a fantasy league and, um, you know, uh, uh, you're, you're not going to be in the playoffs and we're playing the mysterious and elusive Big P, for example, right? And he's got a better team than me, but he beat you, you're pissed because he beat you early in the season. You, if there was nobody overseeing it, could trade me your best player for some dog shit, and it would essentially be that, that's why they've made it so that somebody has to have veto power, because like, they stop that.

• 1:40:00Speaker 03

  The commissioner.

• 1:40:00Stavros Halkias?

  And it seems like this guy is annoyed because his wife, like, it doesn't seem like the kind of thing where the woman doesn't understand football. It seems like she gets it and she's you and she's like trying To win and makes her fucking husband trade her good players, actually, right?

• 1:40:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:40:17Stavros Halkias?

  Um, to me, this is the same as if it was like his brother or anybody else like. The commissioner is just, it's not the fact that it's his wife, it's the fact that he's abusing his commissioner power. To make unfair trades with someone he's in cahoots with. That's my big issue with this.

• 1:40:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:40:31Stavros Halkias?

  And so if he's not willing to be like, hey, man. Last season you did this with your wife. It's your fucking wife. You're clearly, you clearly can't be trusted. We need to take veto power away from you.

• 1:40:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:40:42Stavros Halkias?

  If he fights you on that, then fuck it, just start a new league. Who fucking cares?

• 1:40:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:40:46Stavros Halkias?

  He already kind of fucked the vibes up by bringing his wife into it.

• 1:40:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:40:50Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? Like, um.

• 1:40:52Speaker 01

  Damn.

• 1:40:53Stavros Halkias?

  So, anyway. I guess let's wait for Joey to come back and we'll do one final. We'll do one final, uh. A call here.

• 1:41:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, I have a, uh. Have a fun little fan theory about a call.

• 1:41:08Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, okay, I like that.

• 1:41:10Speaker 01

  I think, uh.

• 1:41:11Stavros Halkias?

  Joe's washing his hands more fu- more. More fucking, like, more extremely than he, anybody did during covid. I've never seen him wash his hands once. We worked on tires. And this motherfucker. He stopped pissing like five minutes ago. That was the most intense hand washing I've ever seen from you, man.

• 1:41:31Speaker 01

  You have. You have. You, you're, the placement of your toothpaste?

• 1:41:40Speaker 01

  It was sociopathic. He's got his toothpaste uncapped. Directly under the cold nozzle on the sink. So you wash your hands, you go to turn the water off. And your fucking hand water will drip directly onto the.

• 1:41:55Stavros Halkias?

  I'm usually the only one here. It's a fresh tube, but yes, you're right. That's not the, that's not the normal place to have it. I had to, I had to crack open a YouTube this morning, actually.

• 1:42:04Speaker 01

  Some awesome configurations in there. Necklaces and rigs and shit. Next to like a dirty t-shirt and underwear rolled up in the sink. Toothbrush, toothpaste is all out of shit.

• 1:42:15Stavros Halkias?

  Everything's up in the air, man. Everything's, everything's for negotiation in that bathroom. Um, all right, let's, let's, uh, let's play one last call here. Something fun to take us out on.

• 1:42:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, this is, this is a fan theory, uh, about a call we had on the PFT episode.

• 1:42:29Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 1:42:29Speaker 03

  It was the girl who was like dating a guy for a month and she's basically, you know, he was going big. They went on the ski trip.

• 1:42:36Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:42:37Speaker 03

  She's like lowkey getting like.

• 1:42:38Stavros Halkias?

  Love bombed. Yes, yes, yes.

• 1:42:40Speaker 03

  And then he just ghosted her out of the blue after a month that included a ski trip. So this caller's responding to that.

• 1:42:48Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 1:42:49Speaker 09

  Hey, stuff. Um, I love this podcast. I literally only lis- listen to true crime podcasts. I'm like story podcasts, but this is the only talking ass podcast.

• 1:42:57Stavros Halkias?

  Hell, yeah. That's big.

• 1:42:59Speaker 09

  All right.

• 1:42:59Stavros Halkias?

  Pause this.

• 1:43:00Speaker 09

  So I wanna actually.

• 1:43:01Stavros Halkias?

  We need to expand our, that's a big market. If we can steal women from true crime, that's, that's how we hit the next level, baby. Uh, but thank you for listening. We appreciate that. Elders, what do you got? Finish your, finish your call.

• 1:43:16Speaker 09

  Yeah, but I'll listen to you. It's a hell of a fun meeting. All right. So I wanna actually respond to a question that you got, that you put on the, it was on the PLT episode.

• 1:43:27Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:43:28Speaker 09

  And a girl got on there and said that a dude ghosted her after a month, right? Like he took her skiing and did all this shit.

• 1:43:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:43:35Speaker 09

  And she just can't believe that he would ghost her after being such a nice guy for such a long time. All right, boom. So my boyfriend told me, and now when he told me this, my mind was blown from this shit. So I think that this is the possible scenario. My boyfriend told me he has a friend that does not wanna be in a relationship and he only likes bad bitches. So what he does is.

• 1:44:00Stavros Halkias?

  Sounds similar to somebody I know.

• 1:44:01Speaker 09

  This is so crazy. So what he does is he stacks his money for like two months, right? Maybe two and a half months. We're talking like, I don't know, uh, ten weeks. He stacks his bread, cause he has a good job. He stacks his bread. He finds a bad bitch on Instagram, then he dates her for like a month and fucking pulls out all the stops. Like she said, they went skiing, right?

• 1:44:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:44:23Speaker 09

  Like he'll take the bitch to Bermuda. He'll buy her a fucking designer bag. Do all this crazy shit. But then he runs out of money. That was, he ran out of the allotted budget. In his mind, he already knew, I'm gonna spend, what, five stacks on this bitch? And then I'm done with it.

• 1:44:41Stavros Halkias?

  Holy fuck.

• 1:44:42Speaker 09

  Maybe that's what happened. I think that's what happened. He's one of those motherfuckers.

• 1:44:47Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome.

• 1:44:48Speaker 09

  So anyway, that's my theory on it. And um, yeah, love the time. She'll be alright. He sounded cute.

• 1:44:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I agree. That's fascinating.

• 1:44:57Speaker 01

  That dude rules.

• 1:45:00Speaker 01

  That's a man that knows what he wants. It makes no, it's fascinating.

• 1:45:06Stavros Halkias?

  The budget, my man fucks, he'll date a woman until his budget runs out.

• 1:45:11Speaker 01

  That's fascinating that that's where it went because before she got there, when I was here in the ski trip scenario for the first time, my immediate thought was, what people have to realize is some people don't look at that. It's not, that ski trip isn't taking a girl on a ski trip. That ski trip is a guy wants to go on a ski trip.

• 1:45:31Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:45:31Speaker 01

  But he doesn't want to go alone.

• 1:45:33Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:45:33Speaker 01

  And a part of his vacation is I go and I have a girl with me and we go and we ski and then we date, whatever.

• 1:45:40Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 1:45:40Speaker 01

  That's his, he, that is a guy going vacation first.

• 1:45:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, that's a good point.

• 1:45:46Speaker 01

  And then plugging in whatever the components of the vacation are.

• 1:45:49Stavros Halkias?

  Who happens to be around? What girl am I currently talking to? You get to be, you're lucky.

• 1:45:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:45:55Stavros Halkias?

  That I, it's like the, this cast of SNL 50, who you know, I'm friends with, but it's like, you shouldn't have been there next to fucking Steve Ma- Sarah Squirm next to fucking Steve Martin. No disrespect, but it's like, they got lucky that it was like, you know, the SNL 50 is like, they're in the ledge, they're in that room with every legend in the world. Paul McCartney's there, you know what I mean? It's like, you just happen to be around, you're the girl I'm talking to when I want to go to fucking Barbados.

• 1:46:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:46:22Stavros Halkias?

  So it's like, congratulations, you get a ticket.

• 1:46:25Speaker 01

  Excuse me, and some guys or some people can't be alone.

• 1:46:29Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:46:30Speaker 01

  They can't be alone. And they, to me, to me, hell.

• 1:46:36Speaker 01

  The definition of hell is being trapped with a person I don't want to be around.

• 1:46:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:46:43Speaker 01

  For other people, the definition of hell is being alone.

• 1:46:45Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:46:46Speaker 01

  So, some people are like, dude, there's somebody here. Okay, great. So that, but so it's so crazy. That's exactly what I was gonna say. And then she talked about this guy.

• 1:46:55Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome.

• 1:46:56Speaker 01

  Stacking the money and whatever. And it's like, what that guy is doing, that's his vacation. Because I saved up for two months and then I go on vacation. Part of that is the baddest girl I can find. And then vacation's over. It's time to go back to work.

• 1:47:12Stavros Halkias?

  Back to work. That's incredible.

• 1:47:14Speaker 03

  It's like, I want to treat myself to the finer thing. But like, I'm just a humble, middle-class guy. I can't be future every day. But I could be future for like, three or four weeks if I just like, save up to it.

• 1:47:27Speaker 01

  He's doing set of a woman.

• 1:47:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:47:29Speaker 01

  Jersey set of a woman?

• 1:47:30Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, of course.

• 1:47:30Speaker 01

  He saved up his fucking military checks. And he's like, we're going to New York, son.

• 1:47:36Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely.

• 1:47:37Speaker 01

  We're gonna rent a Ferrari.

• 1:47:41Speaker 01

  And then we're done.

• 1:47:43Stavros Halkias?

  Respect. That's awesome that your boyfriend's friend does this. That's insane.

• 1:47:49Speaker 01

  Great.

• 1:47:49Stavros Halkias?

  Um, but that's a beautiful fan theory. You're right. She'll be okay. And thank you for sharing. And, uh, thank you for listening, even though we don't do true crime. Um.

• 1:47:59Speaker 01

  And by the way, one other thing. What a mo- what an awesome way to be a fuck boy.

• 1:48:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:48:05Speaker 01

  He like, saves money and then spends on these girls. So, i- i- it's not like, he just tries to get laid and he ghosts.

• 1:48:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:48:13Speaker 01

  Or they go Dutch on the check and he still tries to have sex or whatever. He comes in hot.

• 1:48:18Stavros Halkias?

  He comes in hot.

• 1:48:18Speaker 01

  He spends money. These girls leave with purses and shit. It's a game show.

• 1:48:23Speaker 03

  It's so methodical.

• 1:48:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:48:25Speaker 01

  That's fucking great.

• 1:48:26Stavros Halkias?

  You're right. It is, you could, someone argues, slightly sociopathic, but it's also, compared to just like, what? Just, the, the classic thing was like, uh, I fucked this guy. He didn't even have a bed frame. Like, that, that was the hack joke for a while, for like, ten years. Like, bed frame and one set of sheets, right? Uh, mattress on the floor. Would you rather have that? Would you rather fucking, yeah, hit the slopes and get a Birkin?

• 1:48:53Stavros Halkias?

  So beautiful.

• 1:48:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, I love it.

• 1:48:55Speaker 03

  I also love that she did kind of break it down and unfold it and open, make that connection, kind of like in the true crime.

• 1:49:01Stavros Halkias?

  She did. She really did, dude. You got talent, sister. Get out and start your own shit.

• 1:49:06Speaker 01

  That's great.

• 1:49:07Stavros Halkias?

  She really did. You're right. She was like, okay, boom. She's fucking, each thing, she's connecting it. Yeah, you, you got talent.

• 1:49:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:49:14Stavros Halkias?

  Maybe it's the first podcast, Stavi Baby Podcast Studios signs, dude.

• 1:49:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:49:19Stavros Halkias?

  Or Elder Studios. That's where you trying, that's where you trying to make the, make the, you sign her to like a 60% you, 40% her contract.

• 1:49:27Speaker 03

  I'm like, hey, I got the platform, baby girl.

• 1:49:32Speaker 03

  But we can make this big. We can blow this up.

• 1:49:36Stavros Halkias?

  All right. Well, that's gonna do it for us this week. Thank you, everybody for listening. Joe, thanks for coming on. It was so fun, dude.

• 1:49:42Speaker 01

  Brother, dude, this was awesome, man. It was a blast. Thanks for having me.

• 1:49:44Stavros Halkias?

  I had a great time. And guys, go watch the special out right now. We'll link to it. I Never Promised You a Rose Garden. And we will talk to you next week. Bye bye.

• 1:50:11Speaker 00

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