Ep 530 - Novak's House (feat. Brandon Novak)

Support the D. A. W. G. Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Support Brandon and Buy His New Book @ https://brandonnovak.com/ Go See Matt Live in Irvine CA Next Wknd @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com - New Tour Just Announced Go See Shawn Gardini Live if you want @ https://www.shawngardini.com/ Heyyy guys. Special bonus ep for you. A TGIF treat. Cusky was blessed by fellow PA (baltimore) dawg Brandon Novak. They talk gettin sober, skating stuff, and more. If you need help getting sobes hit up Novak, he's the man. Please enjoy. God Bless. ps might have an extra special treat for you guys very soon :) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Wow, wow, Wes.

• 0:01Matt McCusker?

  Mr. Novak, how you doing, bro?

• 0:04Speaker 02

  Man.

• 0:04Matt McCusker?

  How you like the mister? I've been trying to be way more respectful lately.

• 0:07Speaker 02

  Have you?

• 0:08Matt McCusker?

  Mister, yeah.

• 0:09Speaker 02

  Mister would just fucking piss me off. Fuck you.

• 0:11Matt McCusker?

  You don't like a mister?

• 0:12Speaker 02

  No.

• 0:13Matt McCusker?

  I love mister.

• 0:13Speaker 02

  I just feel like...

• 0:16Speaker 02

  I feel like it's like an authoritative figure.

• 0:19Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you don't like that.

• 0:19Speaker 02

  And I don't, I, I, I have a problem with like authority and conforming.

• 0:24Matt McCusker?

  Where's the authority problem, you think, come from?

• 0:26Speaker 02

  My fucking father.

• 0:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but I was just kidding.

• 0:28Speaker 02

  He's a crazy drug addict, Hells Angel guy.

• 0:30Matt McCusker?

  But he was still authoritative? He was still like...

• 0:32Speaker 02

  In his own demonic fucked up way. You know what I mean? Like, he was really disconnected from reality and he lived in his own world and his own world looked like he rode with the Hells Angels and everything was transactional, a business, while under the influence of crack or fucking meth. And so like, he, you know, he was the guy that like, he would come home at 2:33 in the morning and when he was awake, the whole fucking house was awake and everyone was gonna wake up to sit on the sofa to watch him and his biker buddies' party.

• 1:04Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 1:05Speaker 02

  So authoritative in that approach.

• 1:06Matt McCusker?

  I see what you're saying. Damn, I thought I had a problem with authority. I just have an Irish Catholic father who spanked my heiny. And I'm like, dude, I don't wanna hear you.

• 1:13Speaker 02

  That's a wet dream for me, you cocksucker. Fuck off.

• 1:17Matt McCusker?

  That's what I'm saying. I'm like, I have a fucking authority problem. Mine must be nothing, because I think that is real, the link to authority problems is just your relationship with your dad.

• 1:24Speaker 02

  And my, my mother's go-to my whole life as a child growing up, she's like, when I just couldn't figure out fuck about shit, she's like, you know, we should put you in the Marines. Like, if you don't, what do you think I want, a fucking muscle-jacked fuck waking up at 4:00 a.m. to 5,000 push-ups? You could fuck off.

• 1:42Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that would spasm you. I, I have a, one of my moms, someone like my mom knows got dishonorably discharged. Just, from what I heard of just being, waking up and being like, get the fuck away from me. And they're like, dude, you're out of here.

• 1:52Speaker 02

  Dude, that is, that, that approach does not work with me.

• 1:55Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I wouldn't think so.

• 1:56Speaker 02

  Well, because I already am wired with like...

• 2:00Speaker 02

  If it doesn't make sense to me, it's wrong.

• 2:02Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 2:02Speaker 02

  You know what I mean?

• 2:03Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 2:03Speaker 02

  So like, right out of the gate, I have a lot of shit going against me. There's a lot of things don't make sense to me, so I walk around like, wrong, wrong, could do better, should do better, but...

• 2:11Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 2:12Speaker 02

  So it's, what I've learned in life, for me, is that it's all about approach, right? And today, it's much easier for me, coming from a position of simply understanding, as opposed to being understood.

• 2:25Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 2:25Speaker 02

  You know, so like, I just accept you for where you're at, the jar head for where he or she's at, you know, and just, it's cool.

• 2:34Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that was something that blew my mind during COVID, and I like, mentioned this before, but I still can't get over it. Like, I would, I didn't realize how much I did this, but like, especially during like, like, so before COVID, I didn't know that I was really doing this, but I'd go through a supermarket, and like, every person I saw, it would just be this like, weird invisible battle in my head, where I'd be like, fuck this fucking guy, fucking pussy jerk off.

• 2:54Speaker 02

  For sure.

• 2:54Matt McCusker?

  Then I would see a lady, and like, fuck, chick's not even hot, is she looking at me? No, she's not, fucking bitch, and like, and you're doing this like, crazy maniacal thing in your head, and then COVID, it came to a fever pitch, because there was like, the mask first, no mask, and then it was like...

• 3:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:06Matt McCusker?

  It was just like, it just all came to a head, where I was like, dude, why am I this stressed while taking a walk? And I started doing a thing where like, when I would be out at a grocery store, I would really focus on not having like, a silent battle against people, and instead, just like, wishing strangers well, and like, you were saying, exuding that, whatever that energy is. Dude, I felt so much more comfortable in public after that.

• 3:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 3:27Matt McCusker?

  Which was like, it was like a revelation for me.

• 3:29Speaker 02

  I love being right-sized by humanity. It just happened to me recently, and I'm really good at like, again, I really have dove into this whole spiritual aspect of my reality and believe in it.

• 3:42Matt McCusker?

  When you say right-sized, sorry, what do you mean?

• 3:44Speaker 02

  Like, my ego will allow me to create these delusional narratives that aren't even fucking real. And then when I'm proved wrong, when I really believe I'm right, I'm like, dude, I am a fucking asshole. And it just happened, you're a Philly guy, right? You'll relate to this story. I had a crazy weekend, I was in New York, all kinds of stuff going on, I drive back and... And I have like these weekly dinners at this place in Fishtown, Sunday nights. And you know, Fishtown's kind of over saturated with like a lot of hipsters.

• 4:12Matt McCusker?

  Sure.

• 4:13Speaker 02

  And in my mind, hipsters are just kind of tattooed, bearded, angry people for no fucking reason. It's not like they lack resources or whatever.

• 4:21Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 4:21Speaker 02

  I create this narrative. So I had a long weekend and I'm trying to park under the L to go to this restaurant I go to. And there's this ice cream truck and it's fucking just submerged with hipsters getting ice cream. And that's cool, right?

• 4:34Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 4:35Speaker 02

  But as I'm doing this three point turn, someone in my backseat is like, oh, he's fucking pissed, dude. He's gonna fucking, he's got a problem. So now, I haven't even seen the person. I'm ready. And I'm like the most fucking passive aggressive, like I cringe at the thought of confrontation. But if you caught me on the right time, I'm like, it's fucking on.

• 4:52Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, let's go.

• 4:52Speaker 02

  So, so as I'm parking, I see him and it's a hipster with tattoos and a beard, who I already have created an issue with, but I don't even know this person.

• 5:01Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 5:01Speaker 02

  And, and he locks eyes with me as I'm hoping he would, so we can fucking get to it.

• 5:06Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 5:06Speaker 02

  And he goes, oh shit, you're so and so. And I'm like, yeah. And he goes, dude, I fucking love your work, man. And he, and he had a camera in his hand and he was taking portraits and stuff.

• 5:19Matt McCusker?

  He socked him in the face.

• 5:20Speaker 02

  He's like, can I get a photo of you? Is what I do. And I'm like, dude, fuck yes and fuck me. Right? Cause like I walk around just like at times.

• 5:28Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 5:29Speaker 02

  And, and that's what I mean by really enjoying being right sized. Cause I have a job sometimes that consists of knowing everything, right? And, and that places me in a lot of positions that I don't really like to enjoy.

• 5:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. When you say you have a job of knowing, what do you mean?

• 5:43Speaker 02

  Because like, you know, for so long, when I was caught up in addiction, right? When, when, when logical people who knew how to stay sober would suggest to me what I might want to do in order to save my life, I'd suggest why they should fuck off.

• 5:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 5:58Speaker 02

  Because I, I knew, I knew, I know, I know, I know. I was too smart for my own goddamn good. Right? And then I got to this place where the pain became so unbearable. I was able to look back and recognize that like every common denominator in every one of my problems was me. And maybe if I just get the fuck out of my way, I might stand a chance of living a better life. And what I do know is that I don't know. Because when I, when I think that I know, there's no open mind, I am not teachable, and I'm definitely not willing to try anything that I don't agree with.

• 6:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 6:27Speaker 02

  Which just sets me up for a fucking. You know, all these terrible experiences.

• 6:32Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, take me back through that. So what was like, how did you, like, what's your story? Like, how did you get in that? Obviously, you're saying like, you know, family or, you know, home life not great. And then like, eventually to like, you know, gaining a ton of notoriety. Like, what was that like for you, going from like, the beginning to like, the thick of all that stuff?

• 6:47Speaker 02

  Well, it was, it's, you know, it's, it's a very interesting narrative and storyline, I believe. Because I, I come from Baltimore and, and you're obviously from Pennsylvania. So there's a lot of similarities at this table, but coming from that home life of a, a, a, a pretty chaotic household and a father who was pretty out of his fucking mind. I believe I was genetically predisposed to addiction or alcoholism. And, and that paired with the atmosphere I was brought up in, it just made sense.

• 7:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 7:19Speaker 02

  But throughout that journey, I was blessed with a skateboard and I fell in love with skateboarding. And, and, and another guy from Baltimore named Bucky Lasik.

• 7:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 7:27Speaker 02

  Who.

• 7:27Matt McCusker?

  I played him on Tony Hawk for sure.

• 7:29Speaker 02

  He's my fucking, he's, he's the man. He's the legend. And, uh, he was from Baltimore and he kind of recognized the talents I possessed. So he took me under his wing and got me sponsored by Powell. And, and that's where the skateboarding world took off. But then we would go to Cheap Skates in Pennsylvania, the skate park.

• 7:45Matt McCusker?

  Was it Boards and Blades or what?

• 7:46Speaker 02

  Boards and Blades was later on.

• 7:48Matt McCusker?

  Okay, right, right.

• 7:48Speaker 02

  And that was right off Route 1, right there.

• 7:50Matt McCusker?

  I was a young boy at Boards and Blades. And you would see like Bam and Swab would come through and I'd be like, oh, fuck.

• 7:56Speaker 02

  We filmed like some of the CKY shit there.

• 7:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 7:57Speaker 02

  Like the stunts and stuff.

• 7:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 7:59Speaker 02

  Naked Dave doing an ollie over the pyramid and then Bam, I think, kicking or punching or something like that.

• 8:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that was always legendary. You guys would come. We were, we were like 12 and he'd be like, oh dude, fuck.

• 8:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 8:10Matt McCusker?

  Trying to do one heel flip, like, this fucking rules, dude. I'm gonna get sponsored.

• 8:15Speaker 02

  It's it. Pro board coming. Soon as I get this heel flip.

• 8:19Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they're coming. Spitfire's coming for me, dude.

• 8:22Speaker 02

  Need a manager at this point. Too overwhelming. But nonetheless, so I meet Bam and then we, at that skate park called Cheap Skates, which was clearly before your time. If Boards and Blades was when you started.

• 8:33Matt McCusker?

  And, uh. Where was Cheap Skates?

• 8:35Speaker 02

  I don't know. It was in Pennsylvania and we would drive up.

• 8:38Matt McCusker?

  Right on.

• 8:38Speaker 02

  Um, and Bam would always be there and he wasn't sponsored at that point. Bucky and I were and, and, and we were instantaneously became Thickest Thieves.

• 8:48Matt McCusker?

  Hmm.

• 8:48Speaker 02

  And we'd practice for this one contest every year, which was the NSA's. They'd have it Bricktown, New Jersey.

• 8:54Matt McCusker?

  Okay.

• 8:55Speaker 02

  And either he would win or I'd win. And one year I didn't show up and he was there and he went to Bucky. And he's like, yo, Bucky, where's Novak? And Bucky's like, I think he's on heroin. And Bam, at such a young age, was like, well, what's that? Right? And not such a young age, like 12, 13. It was like 16, 17, but

• 9:13Matt McCusker?

  That's pretty young.

• 9:14Speaker 02

  When you're consumed in like a, a nice wholesome life that revolves around skateboarding and a good family, like you don't have conversations that consist of those words.

• 9:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, sure.

• 9:24Speaker 02

  So, so it was at that point that his career in skateboarding totally excelled and took off. And mine went to complete shit and I chose to pursue a life of heroin and addiction. Fast forward some time later, um, I'm really sick. One day I can't come up with any money. But at this point, I wouldn't even acknowledge a skateboarder, right? It was like, it was the equivalent of like looking at the woman you like get away, the love of your life.

• 9:50Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 9:51Speaker 02

  Who you're like, dude, if I just did a little like, so it hurt me like that.

• 9:55Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 9:56Speaker 02

  So I'd avoid skateboarding like the plague, but one day I was really sick and I couldn't come up with money. So I decided to go to this skate shop in Fell's Point called Select. And I asked, when I get there to try to get some money, like, we're not going to give you money, but Bam was here yesterday with the toy machine team and, and he asked if we ever saw you. We said no. And he said, well, if you do, give him my number.

• 10:14Matt McCusker?

  Hmm.

• 10:14Speaker 02

  So he leaves his number and a couple of days later I, I call and, and it was the number to Fairman's Skate Shop.

• 10:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 10:21Speaker 02

  In town.

• 10:21Matt McCusker?

  Westchester.

• 10:22Speaker 02

  Yeah. And, uh, and I called Fairman's, right? Timing is everything in life. I called Fairman's. It's not even his skate, it's not his house. It's Fairman's. I'm a homeless heroin addict. I pump in some change into the, to the fucking payphone, right? And that, this change is like my lifeline, right? So I got my finger on the thing. Like if it don't answer, I don't get

• 10:39Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you're gonna pop it.

• 10:40Speaker 02

  For the money. So I'm like, but Dave answers. He's like, yo, he was just here. He's next door at Kuma, which is the, the sushi restaurant in town. He's like, hold on, I'll go get him. So he goes and gets him, comes back, and then that night, I'm on a Greyhound bus from Baltimore to Westchester. And he's like, yo, come live with me, you know, you can, you can, at this point, he had done the CKYs. And then Viva Bam had just started, and he allowed me to be a guest on the show and started to get paid by Viacom. And I could do all this shit, I just couldn't, I could have a credit card, I could live at his house rent free, I just wasn't allowed to do heroin.

• 11:16Matt McCusker?

  Okay.

• 11:16Speaker 02

  That was the stipulation.

• 11:17Matt McCusker?

  No problem.

• 11:18Speaker 02

  I was cool with like coke and alcohol, because that was, like, I wouldn't steal your shit when I wanted more coke.

• 11:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes sense.

• 11:23Speaker 02

  So, so that was kind of how I, like, and then throughout that process, Bam would always be like, yo, your, your stories are like the fun, he always loved the, the positions I ended up in as a direct result of my heroin addiction.

• 11:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 11:35Speaker 02

  Like, like letting gay men shave my asshole for rent money and fucking, you know, letting men blow me for more dope. And just getting stabbed in the head with an ink pen and fucking, like, all this nonsense.

• 11:48Speaker 02

  So he's like, yo, you can live at the house, and now I'm starting to get appearances in Jackass, he's bringing me along, and he kind of calls me like his walking television. But he then, one night, we would go to Kill Dares after a rap, we'd rap for the day, Cass and the crew would go there. Humongous table of like forty or fifty in a bar.

• 12:07Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 12:08Speaker 02

  And he's like, tell this story, tell that story, and you could literally hear a pin drop. And it was then that he's like, yo, you're gonna write a book. Now, I had, I had not graduated high school at this point, I had no GED, I had nothing.

• 12:22Speaker 02

  Had no part of ever wanting to write a book, he's like, you're gonna write a book. He gives me a notebook and a pen, and he goes, you're to carry this around all the time, he's like, I don't give a fuck if I don't even see you writing in it. You have to have it in your hand, the first time I don't see it in your hand, you're going back to Baltimore.

• 12:37Matt McCusker?

  Damn.

• 12:37Speaker 02

  So like, the scales of justice were very equal there, easy to weigh out.

• 12:41Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 12:41Speaker 02

  Homeless in Baltimore letting men blow me for heroin, or carry this fucking notebook and pen around and write my story.

• 12:50Speaker 02

  And still be on a TV show, drive a car, credit card, paid by Viacom, blah, blah, blah.

• 12:55Matt McCusker?

  And you were maintaining sobriety, like relative sobriety?

• 12:57Speaker 02

  No, no. So he would like, I never was allowed to do what I really wanted to do, which was opiates. Whether it was like Percocets or heroin, that was very frowned upon and, and he made it very known to everyone in Westchester and the people we worked with to not give me any.

• 13:14Matt McCusker?

  Gotcha.

• 13:15Speaker 02

  So people listened and, uh, but nonetheless, uh, and, and the second book that I wrote, Streets of Baltimore, really dives into this, the psychology of an addict or an alcoholic, because I knew that I'm being presented this golden ticket, right? Uh, I can become this household name, make a money, I can live in this fucking mansion, drive a car, blah, blah, blah.

• 13:34Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 13:35Speaker 02

  But I know that it's only a matter of time before the rug gets pulled out front of me. Like, because I can't stop getting high.

• 13:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 13:41Speaker 02

  So he's cool with the coke and the, the alcohol and, and because, and they don't really understand addiction at that point.

• 13:46Matt McCusker?

  Sure, yeah.

• 13:48Speaker 02

  But like, inside of me, I can't wait to get back to Baltimore to fuck. And so I'd tell him lies, like, I have to go back and get my favorite pair of jeans. And I'd fucking go back and end up there for three weeks.

• 13:58Matt McCusker?

  Damn.

• 13:59Speaker 02

  And just lost in Baltimore, shooting dope. And so he'd kick me out, I'd go to rehab, and a lot of wash, rinse, repeats of that.

• 14:06Matt McCusker?

  Sure, yeah.

• 14:07Speaker 02

  Later on, uh, he then comes with this new idea, I'm gonna write this book. I, I have no desire to write a book, but I had read, uh, a book called A Million Little Pieces by James Frey, uh, brilliant book, and I loved the outline of that. So I'm no fool by any means, and I went and I, I, I just copied his outline and I wrote a fucking 12 chapters, pen to paper, right, no laptop, anything. And my co-author is a man named Joe Franz, who made all the CKY videos.

• 14:33Matt McCusker?

  Okay.

• 14:33Speaker 02

  Uh, filmed the Viva La Bams and Jackass, and he did not want that job. Bam was like, dude, you're gonna do this, because no one wanted to work with me. I was like, I was not a, a good fucking employee.

• 14:45Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 14:45Speaker 02

  My behavior was rather erratic, to say the least. Uh, but he made him kind of do this, and then a year later, I'm like, oh, I think I'm finished. And Bam started reading, he's like, dude, this is really something. So then he gives it to Joe, Joe turns 12 chapters into 23, and... We get a literary agent off of Bam's manager, finds me a literary agent, shops around and it gets fucking picked up and it does like really, really well.

• 15:08Matt McCusker?

  What was it? This is your first book, right?

• 15:10Speaker 02

  The first book, dream seller.

• 15:11Matt McCusker?

  Dream seller, it's a nice title too.

• 15:12Speaker 02

  Which was fucking, I mean, that's what I did for a living, right? Like I'd make people believe the unbelievable. I'd build your hopes up to like, make you believe that like it was gonna be different this time.

• 15:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 15:22Speaker 02

  Just in hopes for you to believe in me enough for me to get some cash out of you.

• 15:25Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 15:26Speaker 02

  To only apologize and just to wash, rinse, repeat.

• 15:28Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 15:29Speaker 02

  And that's kind of what my life looked like for a long time. But that's how I, I ended up in all these places and doing all these things. That what I didn't know then that's really rad now is, um, you know, that's life. It's, it's live forward and learn backwards.

• 15:42Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 15:43Speaker 02

  And, and, and I didn't see that I was kind of being tasked with this fucked up position of addiction or alcoholism to then be later on blessed with a recovery.

• 15:53Speaker 03

  I don't know what I'm doing. Need a break. Forget it. I quit. Escape to Pluto TV. This is objectively fantastic.

• 16:00Speaker 04

  Relax into the movies and shows you already know and love, all for free.

• 16:04Speaker 03

  Shwing.

• 16:05Speaker 04

  Even our news is uplifting. You stay classy, San Diego. Watch Tommy Boy, Crazy Ex Girlfriend, Anchorman, The Legend of Ron Burgundy, The Ex Files, Wayne's World, and so much more. We're not worthy. The best things on TV really are free.

• 16:17Speaker 03

  You just have to know where to look.

• 16:19Speaker 04

  Escape to Pluto TV. Stream now, pay never.

• 16:23Speaker 02

  And use the very same platform that I gained notoriety, notoriety from as being just this fuck up drug addict alcoholic to being this guy that's like, yo, if you want help, like I will help you. I have all these avenues to like get you out of where I once was.

• 16:38Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Can you put that into words? I always, I'm always kind of fascinated by that when it's like, cause it is obvious to anyone who's not on drugs. We know someone who's on drugs. You're like, dude, if you just don't do drugs, you won't have as many problems. And they're like,

• 16:49Speaker 02

  I, I have to do them.

• 16:50Matt McCusker?

  Sure. It's like, how do you, what is like the thought? Is it even a thought process? Or is it just like, it's like a genuine, just like urge?

• 16:57Speaker 02

  At, at that point in time for me, um, I got to a place in life where any person, place, or thing that stood between me and a bag of heroin must and will go. And it was never personal, it was just business, right? Because I have a good guy with a great heart, and I was raised by a loving mother who taught me to show kindness and compassion to humanity. But don't catch me when I'm withdrawing. You know what I mean?

• 17:24Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 17:25Speaker 02

  So it's like, so what, you know, I own treatment centers today, I own sober living houses, I'm totally emerged in that world. And the truth of the matter is, you know, we are amazing people that have been diagnosed with a deadly disease that makes us make terrible decisions. That's the reality of it.

• 17:48Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 17:48Speaker 02

  At least my story.

• 17:49Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, so you're saying like, I'm sort of like the process of like, having, I guess, that urge versus like, you know, like you said, in some way, you kind of know, like, yeah, this isn't going to go well.

• 17:58Speaker 02

  So I remember-

• 17:59Matt McCusker?

  But you just have to, you just have to do it.

• 18:00Speaker 02

  Prime example, we were kind of getting into it a little bit before we got on, I had just done a year in George W. Hill Correctional Facility, right? They let me out New Year's Eve. I'm living in Westchester, and I have an amazing fiance at the time, who's now my ex, because they continue to get between me and drugs. So I had to fucking go.

• 18:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 18:21Speaker 02

  And, and, and she's moved our home while I was incarcerated, she redecorated it, really tried to love my addiction out of me. And, and, and I wanted to be done with it. I really did. That night I was released, I called up one of my buddies who rode with the pagans, who partied with us in Westchester, and, and he brought over some Percocet 30s and a couple Xanax. Now, I had been sober for a year up to this point.

• 18:47Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 18:47Speaker 02

  And I'm on parole, like, I know what the deal is if I fuck up. I find myself in Ryan's Pub in Westchester, because I live right down the street, and I told my chick, because she'd watch me like a canine, I'm like, I just have to go up here to say hi to s- whatever. And I go, and I'm in the pub, and I'm sitting on the toilet, and the toilet paper dispensary is to my right, and I crush up two Percocet 30s and a half of Xanax. I have it in my billfold and I'm about to put it in my nose and sniff it and I'm literally crying. I uncontrollably crying. I can't stop crying because I know that as soon as I do this, I'm going to begin that behavioral pattern that takes me where I don't want to go and makes me do things I don't want to do,

• 19:31Speaker 02

  but I can't control myself.

• 19:33Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 19:33Speaker 02

  You know, like, like there's no, there's no room for logic at that point.

• 19:38Matt McCusker?

  Jesus, man.

• 19:39Speaker 02

  Um, and that's, that's kind of what my day in, day out looked like for a long time.

• 19:46Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's, that's a good explanation of it because yeah, I know it's not like a thing with like words. It's just kind of like, no, you also don't. It's like, it's pretty fucking rugged, man.

• 19:54Speaker 02

  And I remember, and I remember that night I'm, I'm in the bathroom. I'm doing this and, and I could hear people out in Ryan, you know where Ryan's is. And they're having a good time. They're waiting for the ball to drop. They're laughing. They're fucking playing. They're cheersing. And I'm in the stall just crying uncontrollably with a fucking rolled up bill up my nose, getting ready to sniff.

• 20:16Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 20:17Speaker 02

  Everything I love away.

• 20:18Matt McCusker?

  Oh.

• 20:19Speaker 02

  And that's, that's what addiction is.

• 20:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 20:22Speaker 02

  As a whole, but it never, it didn't start that way, you know?

• 20:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Yeah. How did you end up starting to do heroin? Cause that was like a big jump from like skating. Like was it the pills first?

• 20:32Speaker 02

  It was the, the fucking hallmark progression, you know, the alcohol, the weed, stealing the herb from the dad and then the blow. Cause he sold a lot of blow.

• 20:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 20:40Speaker 02

  Things just progressively got worse, but mine was genetic. So, you know, I have a mother who was a nuclear physicist. I have a brother who is an attorney who works in the White House.

• 20:50Matt McCusker?

  That's awesome.

• 20:50Speaker 02

  I have a sister who works in the hospital my mother ran, but they are by a different father. I'm the only one by my father.

• 20:57Matt McCusker?

  Got you.

• 20:58Speaker 02

  He was an addict and his father was an addict.

• 21:00Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 21:00Speaker 02

  So I believe I was fucked from the gate.

• 21:02Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's, that makes sense.

• 21:03Speaker 02

  The thing now is that like. It's like, you know, my poison has become my medicine and like it's turned out to be the biggest blessing that's ever happened in my life.

• 21:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that is the thing with, I feel like addiction, it is like a, it's almost like a weird spiritual practice if you think about it. You just kind of like, rather than like meditating, you're just getting so fucking high all the time. And your life just collapses and then now you have to really kind of, it gives people, I think, a deeper appreciation for life. If they make it through, that's my understanding.

• 21:30Speaker 02

  And that's the thing, right? Cause here's the reality, and this is why people are so just like frustrated with battling the disease of addiction. Statistics state, theoretical evidence dictates that I or anyone else that is sober are to be high or dead, right? Like the data collected, the analytic analytics fucking from all over these studies that are given states that the majority of people die as opposed to find sobriety.

• 21:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 21:58Speaker 02

  And I remember getting out of my last facility and, you know, Bam was always a constant theme throughout my life. And I stopped over and I saw him and he's like, what the fuck? What was different about number 13 treatment center? Why not 12 or 10 or 6 or 4 or 3? He's like, what did you have, like a meeting with God or something? And, and I didn't say it to him because it's just too much for one to grasp, but in my mind, I'm like, yeah, I kinda did.

• 22:28Matt McCusker?

  Really? So then that's what I've heard before. That was, wasn't that what AA was founded on? The guy Bill?

• 22:32Speaker 02

  Bill and Bob, yeah.

• 22:33Matt McCusker?

  Went to like Carl Jung and he was like, bro, either find God or you're toast.

• 22:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:37Matt McCusker?

  In a way.

• 22:37Speaker 02

  So, so, you know, I'm not religious. I don't particularly care for organized religion.

• 22:44Matt McCusker?

  Sure.

• 22:44Speaker 02

  But I'm insanely spiritual and it's like, where is my spirituality if I judge your spirituality? So acceptance, acceptance is the answer to all in world.

• 22:53Matt McCusker?

  For sure.

• 22:54Speaker 02

  But I didn't understand that. See. The truth of the matter is, and this is a blanket statement that I'll make for anyone that's in addiction or in recovery, is that we didn't get here because we took the short bus to school. Quite the contrary, we end up here because we're too smart for our own fucking good. And then I land in a seat of a 12-step meeting or a treatment center that literally has the ability to save my life, and I fuck around and outthink myself right out of it.

• 23:18Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 23:19Speaker 02

  Right? Because recovery is one of those weird things that works so well, people stop fucking doing it.

• 23:23Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 23:24Speaker 02

  Think about it, it's such a mindfuck.

• 23:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 23:26Speaker 02

  Right? So what I didn't know is that like, the last thing I tried was the first thing that worked, right? Because I was just too smart for my own good, and I wasn't quite willing to buy into the process. It worked great for you guys, but I'm a bit different.

• 23:43Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's everyone I've known, everyone was like, "I'm not one of those guys."

• 23:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. And at the end, when I was optionless, literally, I was homeless, I was moneyless, I was friendless, I was carless, loveless, just, that was me. I had no other choice but to buy into the process. I didn't even want to do it then, I begrudgingly did it, but like, fuck it, I have the time, and no one's expecting or requesting my fucking presence, so let's run it. And the craziest thing happened, is it started to work. I experienced the 12 steps, and what happened throughout the 12 steps is I had a spiritual experience. And the definition of a spiritual experience is simply a psychic change, meaning that I, Brandon Novak, today no longer look at things the way I did then.

• 24:27Matt McCusker?

  Do you remember what kind of kicked that off exactly, or was it just kind of like?

• 24:30Speaker 02

  Pain.

• 24:31Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 24:31Speaker 02

  Pain. I had to end up in a place where the pain was so fucking unbearable. Right? Like, to where my back was against the wall, and I had nothing else to do to get myself out of the position that I had created for myself.

• 24:45Matt McCusker?

  How long did that take, how long did that take of like, doing heroin?

• 24:48Speaker 02

  Fucking, well, my overall resume with alcoholism and addiction was 22 years.

• 24:52Matt McCusker?

  Okay, wow.

• 24:53Speaker 02

  So, but you know, the last... Ten were really bad.

• 24:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, so what did that look like in terms of like that you're saying like the personal pain was it like? Like obviously like there's probably physical discomfort and all that stuff, but like just like alienation from everyone you've ever known. Were you like kind of like kicking yourself over like how much better things could have went like what was like the real primer?

• 25:14Speaker 02

  All of the above, but what I didn't know then that I know now is that each one of my attempts at trying to find recovery were not failures. Despite me thinking they were because like I would I would use in treatment. I'd get kicked out. I'd leave. I'd use the same day and as any blessing happens to anyone, it happens unbeknownst to us, right? Like i- if if if I knew when and where a blessing was taking place and I was to report there to receive said blessing, I'd fuck that up. Right? So like I had to be put in this place where these seeds were being planted unbeknownst to me.

• 25:49Speaker 02

  And then finally, on that day where the appropriate amount of pain was created where it became so unbearable that I was finally willing to do what I had never been willing to do, which is become open minded just long enough to pick that phone up, ask for help, and then the craziest thing ever, but fucking follow through with it.

• 26:09Speaker 02

  I I I started to see that like none of this was what I thought a failure. Like it all played its part when it was supposed to so that finally when when the opportunity met the appropriate time.

• 26:26Speaker 02

  An event was going to take place that was going to create this outcome unlike anything that I could wrap my feeble mind around. And and I saw on my way into that last treatment center. Like it's like the skies parted and I walked across the sea and everything they said made sense and just like it hit me. And I knew that like, I get it. It makes sense now.

• 26:47Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 26:48Speaker 02

  It all makes sense.

• 26:50Matt McCusker?

  So you knew even just heading while on the way there, you're like just something.

• 26:54Speaker 02

  Because they would be like, dude. You know, I own facilities now and my favorite thing is to run groups with my clients and I can't get enough of that. And I'm like, who in here thinks that you're in here because of drugs and alcohol? And the majority of them raised their hands and I'm like, you're all fucking wrong. That's not why we're here. The drug and the alcohol is not the problem. So, right out of the gate, no wonder you keep repeating your behaviors because you're fighting the wrong fucking opponent. You're in the wrong ring. You're going to lose every time.

• 27:23Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 27:23Speaker 02

  Right? The problem is the thinking and the attitude and the behavior, right? So, as long as I continue to repeat the behaviors, I'm gonna repeat the outcomes where I end up in a place where the only answer is a shot of heroin or a glass of wine.

• 27:37Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 27:37Speaker 02

  So, once I realized the alcohol is the solution, not the problem, I've now identified, right? Who my opponent is, it's my behaviors. So, I had to change my behaviors to change the outcomes. I started to then gain a better understanding of the reality of my situation. And what I learned is the reason why I got beat so bad is because, A, I always underestimated the opponent that I was up against because I was the great I am. And B, I never gave it the time, attention, or respect it deserved.

• 28:07Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, and you're talking, when you say that, you mean like yourself, basically? Or like, because it sounds to me like it's like, like you were saying, like to have fucking heroin, fucking,

• 28:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 28:15Matt McCusker?

  Keep making me fucking do it, when in reality, it is like it's yourself. And nobody, even without drugs, nobody wants to admit that like they're a complete problem.

• 28:22Speaker 02

  Exactly, and again, this isn't, just substitute the word drugs for whether your things, porn, sex, food, shopping, gambling, fighting, fucking, whatever.

• 28:34Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 28:34Speaker 02

  Right? These are the solutions to the problem, and you were talking about it during COVID, right? Prior to COVID, you'd walk around with all these narratives of these people, and then all of a sudden in COVID, and it made me think of it, we were kind of forced to be with ourself by ourself to look at ourself, which is what we avoid by fucking, fighting, betting, shopping. You know what I mean? And then I start to look at me, which is why I got high for so long, right? To escape the shitty reality I created for myself as a direct result of continuing to shoot dope. And uh, And and and then finally, when I got into a place where I could start looking at me, I realized that I'm the problem. Right? There there is no third part. And the longer I think that there is a third part as to why I'm this way.

• 29:17Speaker 02

  I'm just the victim. So now I'm going to drink because of my shitty life. And you would too, if you had a life like mine. I'll justify why. Right? The brain is the fucking problem in every area of life.

• 29:30Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude, it it does. It can fuck you up, man. You can, yeah, it can really fuck you up. You can do anything and just be like. Get something in your head like, oh, I'm not good enough.

• 29:38Speaker 02

  Totally. And then it just snowballs.

• 29:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's kind of fucked up.

• 29:41Speaker 02

  It's insane. But if you if you you're aware of it, then it's worth its weight in gold.

• 29:45Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 29:45Speaker 02

  And now, like, the longer I stay sober, the more work that I do. It's amazing. What I do know is that I don't fucking know. And and I don't take credit for any of this.

• 29:55Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. How long have you been sober for?

• 29:56Speaker 02

  Coming up on 10 years.

• 29:57Matt McCusker?

  Oh, nice. It's been a while.

• 29:59Speaker 02

  Yeah. And now all I do, I dumb my way into this shit.

• 30:02Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 30:02Speaker 02

  And now I always say, I I came into like sobriety as a king. And I worked my way up the ladder to become a humble servant. And the more people I help, the more I give away, the better my life is, the more I gain in return, which makes no sense.

• 30:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 30:18Speaker 02

  Right? Like, in any business transaction, if I give you something I have, I'm to walk away with less. In this weird, magical, spiritual world of recovery, anything that I give you, I'm walking away with more.

• 30:30Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude, that uh, I remember that was like a weird shock for me when I I used to, I went to school for social work for a while, a couple of years ago. And uh, and I would get like inmates housing. That was like a thing I did for like the one of the field placements. And then there was this one guy who was a fucking pain in my ass. He'd always like call me and just be like, you're not doing shit.

• 30:47Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 30:48Matt McCusker?

  He was under the gun because they were going to take his kid, you know, a bunch of shit if he didn't find appropriate housing. And uh, and I remember the day I found him a house, we're both in this place, and I called him up. I was like, yo, dude, we got it. And he, it like, we both were so happy. And I was like, that was such a funny.

• 31:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:00Matt McCusker?

  For something so dumb of, I mean, it's a big deal. It's a house. But I remember like I won this like comedy contest and I was like, this is it. And then I got the guy a house. It was literally the same feeling.

• 31:08Speaker 02

  Again, that.

• 31:09Matt McCusker?

  It was the same exact feeling of like.

• 31:10Speaker 02

  Timing and opportunity meeting to create a a beautiful outcome.

• 31:14Matt McCusker?

  But it is a weird thing. That was like a weird thing for me when I was like, oh, you can get just as happy for doing nice things for people as you can, like, you know, achieving some sort of personal victory.

• 31:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, any monetary fucking victory.

• 31:25Matt McCusker?

  Exactly. And it's like, it is honestly, I would argue that like when you, when you do something like awesome for a person, I, I think it feels better. Than if you like, if you just like kill it in some way with like a sales thing.

• 31:35Speaker 02

  Straight up. And, and you know, and that's the thing. No matter how much, for me, what I did for the majority of my life is I just like rearranged the furniture on the Titanic. Yeah. For years and I, and I swore that this way was gonna be the proper placement to make sure my sip doesn't sink. And I would always do that. And then I learned that like, it is what it is, right? Stop over complicating a simple process.

• 32:00Matt McCusker?

  Hmm.

• 32:01Speaker 02

  And because the world kept right sizing me and, and, and I just kind of, I took me out of the equation. I thought less and just did more because I surrounded myself with like people who genuinely were also really good people that were just trying to make humanity a little bit better today than it was yesterday.

• 32:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that is a nice thing. And it's, it's one of those things too, it's one of those things I think people sneer at. They're like, I'm making the world better. It's like,

• 32:27Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 32:28Matt McCusker?

  What the fuck else are you gonna do, dude?

• 32:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 32:29Matt McCusker?

  Should be a dickhead all the time. But it's like, I feel bad for personally, it's like, so you have, you know, people, they go through, you know, uh, drug addiction. There's like this whole thing. It's like, you know, everyone, when you know, I, I would imagine you're a drug addict. There's like a part of it, like everyone knows I'm an addict. People are talking shit on me, everyone blah, blah, blah. But then almost like you, like you reach a point where you're like, I don't give a fuck. And that's like a very freeing experience eventually. Whereas there's people who don't ever, you know, fall into a deep, uh, drug addiction, but they never get to really face their own like self-defeating mental patterns. And in a way, it's almost like the person in my opinion, who goes through addiction and gets out of that, ends up having, I think, a richer existence than if you never really have to face that or come like face to face with yourself and like really look at yourself. Cause there's people who get through life good on, you know, on paper, but it's like, you know, they're tortured.

• 33:15Speaker 02

  Absolutely.

• 33:15Matt McCusker?

  It's like, I always, I was like a shame.

• 33:17Speaker 02

  I, I, I couldn't agree with that sentiment anymore. That's a spot on fucking.

• 33:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 33:23Speaker 02

  Example.

• 33:23Matt McCusker?

  Cause everyone I know who's in recovery is like, they're very open. There's like, you know, you can, and I, almost like you can tell. It's like, okay, this, this person really has turned a corner. Cause it's like, something, something switches. And it's like, it's, uh, nobody really knows exactly what that is, but it really is the only, the most consistent factor is having some sort of spiritual experience. Or like, you know, like an awakening experience.

• 33:42Speaker 02

  Studies show, studies show that people that do what other, the studies show that, that sober people that do what other sober people do in order to stay sober have better odds of staying sober. So like, there's not a black and white, one size fits all. And you can try another method or another avenue that could equate to the same result. But I got to a point where the stakes were way too high and I was tired of rolling the dice. And I kinda wanted to start working smarter, not harder. So I just bought into what, what the group does in order to stay sober. But the funny thing was, and you said it, uh, you know, it's all a thinking problem, right?

• 34:25Speaker 02

  And I always have this alcoholic brain that lies to me, my own voice, and it always makes me believe the unbelievable. And it creates these delusional narratives. And I walked around for years thinking that no one in this world knew that I had a problem but me.

• 34:39Matt McCusker?

  Oh, really?

• 34:39Speaker 02

  Yeah. Like I thought that I was kinda keeping it contained. Just enough to continue to enable my behaviors, which is getting high and justifying the outcome.

• 34:49Matt McCusker?

  So that's crazy. You, you really didn't, you really didn't think people were like hip to you at all?

• 34:52Speaker 02

  Not nearly as much. So I didn't, right? I, I thought that no one in the world knew that I had a problem but me. And then when I finally bought into the process, what I learned is that everyone in the world knew that I had a problem but me.

• 35:03Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 35:04Speaker 02

  I was the last person. Why? Because I possessed that job that consists of knowing everything.

• 35:08Matt McCusker?

  That's really funny.

• 35:09Speaker 02

  And I'm like, fuck, right?

• 35:10Matt McCusker?

  That's so funny.

• 35:11Speaker 02

  And that's what I, I, again, right? I, I was ignorant to the process and the reality of my alcoholism. Cause I lived off of justification and minimization and deflection, right? If, if only, uh, she didn't come home from work early, she wouldn't have found my needles on the table.

• 35:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 35:29Speaker 02

  If only the parole officer's fucking husband. Would have banged her out, she would have been mad and gave me a piss test that fucking got me dirty and sentenced me to six months.

• 35:38Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 35:38Speaker 02

  Like all this nonsense.

• 35:39Matt McCusker?

  It's always on the people's fault.

• 35:41Speaker 02

  Yeah. So finally, the craziest thing happened. I started to take accountability for my actions and started pointing the finger inward and, and realizing that, whoa, like, it's me and my behaviors. And I started changing my behaviors and I started changing the outcomes. And I started to like the results I got, so it snowballed affected into this.

• 35:59Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah, just crossing that like threshold to even consider the possibility.

• 36:03Speaker 02

  It was so simple, though. I missed it.

• 36:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 36:04Speaker 02

  I overlooked it.

• 36:06Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude, I think most people go their whole life without ever saying it, but.

• 36:09Speaker 02

  Dude, everyone says, what's the answer? What's the answer? What's the answer? If any of us had the answer, we would bottle that thing, we'd sell it, we'd be a billionaire a billion times over.

• 36:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 36:17Speaker 02

  I believe it's so simple as just helping one fucking person. Someone took the time to stop and help me. I, in turn, helped another. Two turn into four, four turn into eight, eight turn into 16. Before you know it, you're changing the narrative, which is ultimately changing the outcome. It's, it's, it's so simple. Just slow down the process and help one person.

• 36:39Speaker 05

  Pardon the interruption. This may or may not be Sean Gardini speaking. And this may or may not be Sean Gardini on camera. Who is speaking and who is on camera is not important. I've come to tell you that Sean Gardini is doing stand-up comedy shows. The upcoming shows are in Cleveland, Ohio, December 8th. Buffalo, New York, December 10th. And Baltimore, Maryland, December 11th. Please come to those shows if you can. The tickets are at seongardini.com. Thank you.

• 37:13Speaker 02

  Hear me out here. I failed to promote my shows in the Irvine Improv SoCal. Um, I'm so fucking SoCal. I forgot to do the ads or make a flyer for the Irvine show. Oops, my bad. It's next weekend.

• 37:28Matt McCusker?

  Thanksgiving weekend, Friday, November 29th, Saturday, November 30th, two days, faux shows. Come out to motherfucking Irvine Improv. And I'll be honest, I'm not just saying, I'm not just saying this because I'm doing a show. I love Irvine. Irvine was the first place I went to in California. And I was telling someone recently, I'm like, I fucking love Irvine. And they lived in LA and like, you love, are you like, are you kidding? Are you, are you trying to be funny? I'm like, no, why? And apparently everyone from LA just snubs Irvine, like, I would never, fuck you guys, dude. Irvine rules. LA's fucking bullshit. Irvine, we're talking Laguna Beach, we're talking motherfucking Newport Beach, conservative ass stronghold down there in SoCal, dude. Shit.

• 38:09Matt McCusker?

  Come out. I love Irvine. It's literally the first place I went to in California. I, I'm very excited to go there. I'm gonna bring my whole motherfucking family. We're all gonna do Thanksgiving out there. It's gonna be sick. So Irvine Improv, Friday, November 29th, Saturday, November 30th. Let's go. Let's show these LA fucking pussies, dude, who's really fucking SoCal. They're not fucking SoCal, they're north of Irvine. Yeah, so how did you get into the recovery homes? When did you start that? And like, what was that like? I, I had, I had, my get well job was washing dishes for $6 an hour in Levittown, Pennsylvania. Oh, nice. At a diner called Mary Ann's. At 38 years old, I'm busting suds in the back with a coworker who's fucking 14. My brain told me that, and this is after skating, jackass, fucking author.

• 38:54Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah. My brain told me I should have at the very least been the president of the United States. And I'm fucking busting suds with Brian here for six bucks an hour. Yeah, what was that like? Struggling. I had heard the word humility and it sounded fucking cool and it rolled off the tongue, right? But try swallowing that fucking thing. I'm 38 right now, dude. If I had to bust a suds. Imagine fucking you leaving here and going back to Levittown, Pennsylvania, to Mary Ann's diner. Shout out to Rich and, and they were great guys. And, uh,

• 39:23Speaker 02

  The owners and busting suds for $6 an hour. Thanks to a 14 year old.

• 39:27Matt McCusker?

  How long did you do that for?

• 39:28Speaker 02

  One year.

• 39:29Matt McCusker?

  That's long.

• 39:30Speaker 02

  And that, and I had no idea what my next move was gonna be. Right? Because my qualifications didn't state that I had any like, you know, special qualities.

• 39:40Matt McCusker?

  I know what you mean. You can't be like, yeah, let me hop on a TV show real quick.

• 39:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. Or like, let me fucking, I don't own a computer. I never, I like, I skipped that whole, I went from skating to heroin. I wrote my book pen and paper. I can pawn laptops, great. I don't use them. Even to this day, I don't email. I don't even, I got my first ever computer during COVID. I used it seven times and gave it the fuck away.

• 40:00Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 40:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:01Matt McCusker?

  So are you, are you all like, do you fuck with like the Instagram and all that?

• 40:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, I like that, but like, the thought of an app gives me anxiety.

• 40:08Matt McCusker?

  I got what you're saying, yeah, yeah.

• 40:09Speaker 02

  And I'm just like stubborn by nature, so.

• 40:12Matt McCusker?

  So how, so you're, you're busting the suds for a while. And how did you get into the recovery space?

• 40:17Speaker 02

  But I started like that job that I thought was so fucking beneath me turned out to be the foundation of, of who I am today. And, and I think by social standards and regards, I'm, I could be, considered a pretty successful guy. I have all these different businesses and properties and blah, blah.

• 40:37Speaker 02

  But it all came from washing dishes. I, I started to like show up early. I'd stay late. I took pride in washing these dishes. I called out one day in a whole year because of a snowstorm. Like, those behaviors started to change. And my outcomes started to change. I started to become self-sufficient. For the first time in life, I was paying my own recovery house bill, $1.65 a week. I was buying my own groceries, my own cigarettes, not relying or depending on anyone.

• 41:01Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 41:01Speaker 02

  Uh, I, I stopped like, I, I, and then what happened was, someone asked me to speak at a candlelight vigil. Uh, a candlelight vigil for someone who had passed away. And because, you know, the 12 step program, AA, you know, it's, it's anonymous. So you know really what's going on there. But when I spoke at that candlelit vigil for people who had lost their lives, someone like had filmed it. And it started making its rounds on social media. And then an organization reached out to me and. And they're like, would you like to come speak at our facility in Florida? And I'm like, sure. And they put me up at the W in Fort Lauderdale in the penthouse. And I'm like, what the fuck? Are they gonna like, ask me for a donation? I washed dishes.

• 41:45Speaker 02

  And they had come up with this whole design. Again, the blessings taking place unbeknownst to me. If I knew any of this was gonna happen, I'd fuck it up royally.

• 41:53Matt McCusker?

  Sure, yeah.

• 41:54Speaker 02

  And they had put together this whole plan and presented it to me. And I'm like, dude, this... I didn't even know this world existed that I live in today. And it just kinda gave way. And I bought into what they would say. And in those meetings, they'd say like, in order to keep what you have, you have to give it away.

• 42:11Matt McCusker?

  Sure, yeah.

• 42:11Speaker 02

  This is cliche as shit. And I vowed to myself that when I was in a position financially, I was gonna recreate that sober living house I lived in.

• 42:20Matt McCusker?

  That's cool.

• 42:21Speaker 02

  And do, for others, what it had done for me. So, literally on my fifth year anniversary, I opened up my... In Wilmington, Delaware, my very first men's sober living house, called Novak's House, with ten beds. And that has since turned into seven houses for men and women in Wilmington, Delaware, with seventy-five beds. And I fucking travel the world and I have generous friends or just strangers that wanna give back. And they occasionally stroke a check. And they provide money that I have in this scholarship fund. And my mission is to provide a bed for anyone in need of sober living after completing a treatment center. I refuse to let price be a deterrent as to why someone can't get help.

• 43:05Speaker 06

  Priceline Negotiator.

• 43:08Speaker 00

  It's me, the...

• 43:09Speaker 06

  Priceline Negotiator.

• 43:11Speaker 00

  We don't need the jingle twice.

• 43:12Speaker 06

  What about a third time?

• 43:14Speaker 00

  Stop it. This is about vacation inflation and how Priceline negotiates amazing deals on hotels, flights, and rental cars.

• 43:21Speaker 06

  Seems like they just started.

• 43:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, but I didn't mention that you can save up to sixty percent off hotels in the Priceline app.

• 43:27Speaker 06

  Time to read the timeline.

• 43:28Speaker 00

  Fine. No one deals more deals than...

• 43:30Speaker 06

  Priceline.

• 43:32Speaker 00

  Please stop.

• 43:32Speaker 06

  Priceline.

• 43:33Speaker 00

  Touche.

• 43:34Speaker 06

  Priceline.

• 43:35Speaker 00

  Priceline.

• 43:37Speaker 04

  Forget it, I quit. Escape to Pluto TV.

• 43:41Speaker 03

  This is objectively fantastic.

• 43:43Speaker 04

  Relax into the movies and shows you already know and love, all for free. Shwing! Even our news is uplifting. You stay classy, San Diego. Watch Tommy Boy, Crazy Ex Girlfriend, Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy, The X-Files, Wayne's World, and so much more. We're not worthy! The best things on TV really are free.

• 44:00Speaker 03

  You just have to know where to look.

• 44:02Speaker 04

  Escape to Pluto TV. Stream now, pay never.

• 44:06Speaker 02

  And then, unfortunately, the demand was met. I kept fucking expanding, and I really wished that that wasn't the case, and these didn't even exist.

• 44:14Matt McCusker?

  Sure.

• 44:15Speaker 02

  And I'm like, dude, I can, I can help more, and I can be better. So then I created Redemption Addiction Treatment Center in Wilmington, Delaware. Well, in Newport.

• 44:23Matt McCusker?

  Okay, yeah, that's right.

• 44:23Speaker 02

  Right next to it.

• 44:24Matt McCusker?

  Right down there, yeah.

• 44:25Speaker 02

  And, uh, it's a, an outpatient facility where people come during the day, you know, five days a week, or nighttime groups.

• 44:32Matt McCusker?

  Mm-hmm.

• 44:33Speaker 02

  Um, and I've, I, I always tell people, I, I tried, I'm trying, I'm, I'm on par to create like a, a David Koresh Waco, Texas compound vibe, minus the gun and the fucking religion.

• 44:46Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 44:46Speaker 02

  But I want to create this place where people feel like they want to be a part, right? It's all deliverance. Like, I started this podcast, it's all with how you present something to me, right? So, so what I try to do is, is to create this whole fucking environment that people want to be a part at, as opposed to feeling like they have to.

• 45:06Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, what, what's, what was your, did you have any, like, when you went to any treatment centers, did you have ones that you felt like, you hear some people like, "Oh, that place is a fucking scam, they're just fucking taking my money." Like, did you have any places you thought were just, like, churning people in and out, or do you think that's just people's, like, perception of the place?

• 45:20Speaker 02

  I think it's, and it's just opinion-based, I think it's people's perception. The, the treatment center that I ultimately got sober in, people would be like, "You'll never get sober there." It cost me $2 to get into. It was a Catholic charities program in Baltimore, and if you looked out, you weren't allowed to look out the blinds, because if you looked out, they were literally serving dope and coke and crack on the corner.

• 45:42Matt McCusker?

  Oh, Jesus.

• 45:42Speaker 02

  It was like a bottom-of-the-barrel kind of joint.

• 45:44Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 45:45Speaker 02

  But I believe it takes what it takes until it- Takes and who are you or I to say what it will be for it to take?

• 45:51Matt McCusker?

  That makes sense.

• 45:51Speaker 02

  It's between you and the maker of whatever you choose to fucking call it. Cause they don't, it's not like, once you get to this appropriate program, they give you this secret pill for the cool kids. It's fucking recycled rhetoric that you hear in all the facilities. It's like fuck.

• 46:06Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that does make sense.

• 46:07Speaker 02

  I believe the perfect treatment centers, whichever one you get sober in.

• 46:10Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 46:10Speaker 02

  And I didn't have a say, I didn't get to pick my sober date.

• 46:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 46:14Speaker 02

  Again, that's, that was a blessing.

• 46:15Matt McCusker?

  Like they gave you the right massage.

• 46:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, and finally they fucking gave me a happy ending with a massage and they played my favorite song.

• 46:22Matt McCusker?

  That might turn me around.

• 46:23Speaker 02

  And I come God and then here we are, I'm the spiritual fucking guru. Fuck your way into recovery. That's not the deal.

• 46:30Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 46:31Speaker 02

  I wish.

• 46:32Matt McCusker?

  There is a very unsexy element to it. What you're saying, like, yeah, you can be in like a place that people think sucks really bad.

• 46:36Speaker 02

  Straight up.

• 46:37Matt McCusker?

  It really is a wholly internal process.

• 46:39Speaker 02

  I'm a firm believer, you can get sober in a fucking pub, sitting on a bar stool with a bottle of Jack in front of you, if you're ready.

• 46:46Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 46:46Speaker 02

  Straight up.

• 46:47Matt McCusker?

  What do you, what do you think about like the California sobriety people do? Where it's like, I'm California sober, I'll like drink and smoke weed and shit and like.

• 46:53Speaker 02

  Dude, I just, I did this TMZ thing. They did a special recently of Matthew Perry.

• 46:58Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 46:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, I read his book, brilliant book by the way. Whole new found respect for that man. Rest in peace to him. But they, they, they, they were doing this hour long documentary, Harvey and them, and they reached out and they wanted me to weigh in on, on, on it. And, uh, and they asked me the same question. And the truth of the matter is, I'd be really ignorant if I sat here and pretended to possess the answer of like, how to live a perfect life with coming up on 10 years sober. That's like, my mother'd be like, fuck you asshole, you should've did it your whole life, you idiot.

• 47:34Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 47:35Speaker 02

  So like, all I know is, is, is my narrative because it worked for me.

• 47:41Speaker 02

  I'm never gonna tell anybody what you should or should not do. I believe with California sober, with, with MAT, Suboxin, Subutex, Vivitrol, Methadone, if it provides you a life, that you believe is worth waking up and getting out of bed for. Every morning without the thought of wanting to kill yourself, I'll fucking drive you to the dispensary. You know what I mean?

• 48:03Matt McCusker?

  Sure, yeah.

• 48:04Speaker 02

  Fuck me for thinking that I have the answer.

• 48:06Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 48:07Speaker 02

  I just have my narrative. So, so what I always say is that when I'm kind of giving a talk or working with clients, if you can find more similarities than differences, it might make sense to pay attention.

• 48:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 48:18Speaker 02

  But if not, that's cool too.

• 48:19Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 48:20Speaker 02

  Right? Because everyone, at the end of the day, you're entitled to your own process. You were entitled to have that realization during COVID of like being a fucking asshole to strangers that did nothing to you.

• 48:30Matt McCusker?

  Sure.

• 48:30Speaker 02

  And if I would have robbed you of that process, you might not have come to the conclusion that you have today, where just being kind is the right way.

• 48:36Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 48:37Speaker 02

  So, looking back, if anyone would have robbed me of one less fucking sleepless night I caused my mother, or pain that I made everyone endure, like I might not be here today.

• 48:47Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that makes sense.

• 48:48Speaker 02

  So it's

• 48:48Matt McCusker?

  It's kind of a personal

• 48:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 48:50Matt McCusker?

  Timeline for everybody.

• 48:51Speaker 02

  For sure. And yeah, it's like, and I'm not saying that my way is the right way, it's just my fucking way.

• 48:55Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 48:56Speaker 02

  You know?

• 48:56Matt McCusker?

  Because I know that's a big battle. When I was in social work school, there's like people who are like, it's called like harm reduction.

• 49:00Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 49:01Matt McCusker?

  People who are like, you better knock all that shit.

• 49:03Speaker 02

  I'm a big harm reduction guy.

• 49:05Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 49:06Speaker 02

  And at the end of the day, it's like, who the fuck, like, that's between them and their higher power.

• 49:10Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 49:11Speaker 02

  All of a sudden, I believe I'm God and I can predict what your fucking best outcome will be for your life and your situation? Fuck.

• 49:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 49:19Speaker 02

  And I'm a spiritual guy, and if I'm a spiritual guy, like I say I am, where is my spirituality if I judge your spirituality?

• 49:25Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 49:25Speaker 02

  Right? So like, I believe my higher power is everything. I think it's crack, I think it's heroin, I think it's life, death. It's like, what's love without sadness? What's joy without sorrow? Right? You have to have all these, without those fucking overdoses, without life support, without fucking ruining my life, I would not be the child of, I hate to say God, because people are like, oh, this religious fuck, but a child of God today, who I really like do my best to help humanity. I wouldn't be here. I'd still be in that position of like, what the fuck's wrong with you? You think you haven't figured it out, you fucking idiot? You deserve what you get.

• 49:59Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 50:00Speaker 02

  And that's where I'd probably be.

• 50:01Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, well, it is funny, people, I've talked about this before, but it is funny how that is like The God talks taboo now. Before it was like you couldn't talk about sex. Now I can be like, I'm fucking jizzing and everything, ah, but feel like.

• 50:12Speaker 02

  You had the whole Me Too movement at that point.

• 50:14Matt McCusker?

  True, yeah, yeah, that, but if you mentioned God, people were like, what the fuck? And it's like a pretty wholesome, you know, it's a, I think it's a very wholesome concept, but it, it got tainted by, I think, people just being like, like the religion aspect of being like, you're going to hell because you fucking.

• 50:28Speaker 02

  For sure, and that's a shame, but, but you need those people, right? Those people are just as important as the other ones that aren't those people to make me realize how much I don't want to be like that. Cause without those people, I'll turn into that person.

• 50:41Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 50:42Speaker 02

  Cause I don't have like a, a, a warning sign or like, uh, like who I do, I need the bad to remind me what I don't want to become, so I practice good.

• 50:52Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, and I wonder if that's, if it's gonna like, is it every, even like religions, like concepts of God, like go through waves where it's like, we used to think it was like fucking fire and now we were like, there was like the mythological hero of like, there's these entities in the sky that we can like, you know, be like, hey, please help us. That'll like change everything and then like that, like around like an organized like testament of like, you know, this is, this is the guy who came down from heaven and I'm Nita. So now I wonder if it is going to regroup in like some different conception that people universally buy into or if it'll just be like a fractured thing forever.

• 51:22Speaker 02

  The older I get at 45, I see that things just evolve, but then just come back around.

• 51:28Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 51:29Speaker 02

  You know, I was looking on the plane the other day and there's this chick who has, as you see, these new things are like the big headphones.

• 51:36Matt McCusker?

  Apple Pros.

• 51:37Speaker 02

  Where like your mom used to have it back in the eighties and no one's doing the AirPods anymore. It's just like Miami Vice, like fucking color schemes and, and chicks wearing baggy ass jeans have now come back.

• 51:49Matt McCusker?

  I know, yeah, that's kinda weird.

• 51:50Speaker 02

  Just live long enough and you'll realize that like shit's not that heavy.

• 51:53Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 51:53Speaker 02

  And it's gonna be okay. And, and the fact of the matter is you don't really have much say so in any of it anyways.

• 51:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 51:58Speaker 02

  For me, that's, that's what I do and I just kind of remain like. You know, uh, I don't know what I remain. It just depends on when you ask me.

• 52:09Matt McCusker?

  No, that's true. So, and then, you know, I'm curious too. So you were doing the Viva La Bam stuff and all that stuff fell out. Like, what, so what happened with all of like, all the people from Jackass? You guys all, you guys all still talk? Or like, where, where did like, was like a big falling out or like, what happened?

• 52:26Speaker 02

  Nah, I mean, everyone's good. Uh, I was just with Steve-O in L.A. a couple of weeks ago.

• 52:32Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, he's kinda doing his thing.

• 52:33Speaker 02

  He's killing it. Uh, Pontius, I love him. I, I speak with him. And those two guys, I probably speak to more regularly than, than the most. Uh, Bam is, you know, battling his own demons. And, uh, unfortunately because of that, we seem to be in two different places where there's just not a lot in common at the moment.

• 52:52Matt McCusker?

  For sure.

• 52:53Speaker 02

  So we don't really just pick up the phone and chat. I think if I had to make a prediction of what would kind of connect us again, it would probably be skateboarding. You know, that's always been the common bond and theme throughout our relationship.

• 53:05Matt McCusker?

  Do you still skateboard?

• 53:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, but for my mental health now, obviously not like is like.

• 53:10Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you just, yeah, you just do it for fun.

• 53:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, I try to carve out time to, uh, to like, just get in a van and go with the homies and film and just like, shut everything off.

• 53:21Matt McCusker?

  That's kinda tight.

• 53:23Speaker 02

  Another, like, you know, Brandon Turner, shout out to Brandon Turner. He's on the West Coast, fucking killing it. He's a sober guy. A lot of skaters have become sober and they're kind of doing their own thing with recovery. And I was talking to him yesterday and we're gonna fly out. I'm gonna fly out there. Kind of, we're working on a project together possibly. And, you know, so oddly enough, the ones that we used to party and run with and fucking go crazy with have now found like, this new way of life. It's really attractive and we join forces to just kind of hopefully promote a healthy way of living.

• 53:55Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it is funny, especially if you think about the origins of like, Jackass was like, the possibly unhealthiest, most insane way of living.

• 54:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:03Matt McCusker?

  Possible. And it was so fucking fun to watch. It was awesome. But it is funny to come full circle and like, now we've all actually chilled out immensely and.

• 54:09Speaker 02

  Dude, Steve-O is like, so fucking sober. There was a point in time where I thought about asking him to be my sponsor. And I'm like, dude, I, I don't know if I wanna get like, that sober. Yeah, like, he's like, he's like, shout out to him, but he's like, someone that motivates me. But he's like, you know what I mean? He's.

• 54:25Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 54:26Speaker 02

  Authentically, like, what you see is what you get, and who he is is who he is, and it does not waver, no matter where or what he's doing. It's brilliant.

• 54:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's pretty cool, man, and it's also one of those things, like, you know, sobriety, again, if you're just kind of kicking around, you're going out to get drinks every Sunday, you don't necessarily have, you know, like, let's say, like, a problem quote.

• 54:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:45Matt McCusker?

  It is one of those things that I think when you're, you know, drinking a lot, or like, partying, it's like, it almost seems alien. But it, like, if you really, like, strip it down, from like, you know, take substances out of it, I always thought it's a really, like, uh, it's cool for a person to be able to remain with their thoughts in their own state of consciousness, rather than, you know, because you constantly escape it, it's like, "Alright, I'm gonna get stoned, alright, I'm gonna get that", and you're constantly jumping out, jumping out, jumping out. But I think it is a, like, a serious, like, sign of mental strength, to like, and people do, like, Sober October, which that must be kind of funny, when, like, the whole world's like, "We're gonna be sober for one month", and you're like, "Alright",

• 55:17Speaker 02

  But I've seen me do that, so like, fuck yeah, I'm all about it.

• 55:20Matt McCusker?

  True, true, but it's gotta be funny, you have, like, ten years, like, "Oh, I'm glad you're having fun",

• 55:23Speaker 02

  Pretty sure.

• 55:25Matt McCusker?

  There is something, I think, that is, like, uh, especially the older you get, it's like, it does take mental strength to, like, sit with yourself, you know, not being able to kind of leave your consciousness, like, a little bit, by, you know, doing, like, "Oh, I wanna get a little high, I wanna do this, blah, blah, blah", and I think it's like, it's a genuine virtue that I think gets skipped over. People are kind of like, "Yeah, dude, fuck, I'm gonna have a couple beers, fuck that", like, people kind of dismiss it a lot, especially when you're drinking. But I always thought it was like a, it's pretty, it's hard to do, it's like, it's very hard to do, and it's, like, it takes, like, you know, and you can't kind of jump out of yourself for a little bit, you, it forces you to work through, you know, the kind of, you know, whatever, broken gears in your head.

• 56:00Speaker 02

  I make a point to let people know that in my programs, right? Because the people that I'm working with, they're coming in, they have a week, they have two weeks, they have four days, they have one day, and, and they're sitting in there, and they're feeling like they're, they're not enough, they could be doing more, they should be further along, and, and I'm like, "Look, what you're doing, the majority of society is not", who wants to strip away their escape routes, to be forced to look at themself, right? With themself, by themself, without having any drink or drug to escape the terrible reality that you've created as a result of your addiction, and man up and fucking walk through it? I'm like, I will walk with you people. You people are the ones that I want on my team.

• 56:42Speaker 02

  Right now, like at fucking over 10 years and you are the people that I fuck with. Right? Like, and there's a lot to be said with that because I don't just give my time to anybody.

• 56:51Matt McCusker?

  Sure, yeah.

• 56:51Speaker 02

  So it's like, I really make it a point because I know in early sobriety, it's like a, you know, those week, five days, 30 days, 60 days, it's like a, of sobriety, it's like a bipolar roller coaster ride from hell.

• 57:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I can imagine.

• 57:04Speaker 02

  You can be above heaven high, the wind can blow wrong, you're like below hell, what the fuck just happened? So it's important to, to give people the credit of, it takes a lot of work to end up in that position for fucking two days sober.

• 57:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 57:18Speaker 02

  It's, it's, and I always say, it takes so much longer to get two days sober than it will to get two years sober.

• 57:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 57:26Speaker 02

  Because you're just sitting there looking at the clock and you're like,

• 57:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 57:29Speaker 02

  Should I, should I not? Can I, can I not? Should I say fuck it and just do it? Should I not do it? You're still consumed with

• 57:36Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 57:37Speaker 02

  the actual drink or drug, you're just not partaking at that moment.

• 57:39Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 57:40Speaker 02

  And to make it through that, to, to address all these ailments and start to look at you without an escape, that's, that's fucking big boy shit.

• 57:49Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it sucks.

• 57:49Speaker 02

  And most people don't do it.

• 57:51Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I know.

• 57:51Speaker 02

  And that's okay. I need those people that don't do it to show me why I really need to keep doing it.

• 57:56Matt McCusker?

  For sure, yeah.

• 57:57Speaker 02

  Right? It's all perspective because they told me at treatment, if I changed my perception, I could change my world.

• 58:02Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 58:02Speaker 02

  And I bought into that shit.

• 58:03Matt McCusker?

  Mm-hmm.

• 58:04Speaker 02

  You know, and it, believe it or not, they were fucking right.

• 58:06Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, no, it's, it's pretty sick, man. I'm happy for you, man. That's awesome.

• 58:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, you know, it's like, I'm stoked, I'm grateful, but who really is, is like my mother, my, my friends, my, my employees, my, my, the police, the probation, the parole officers, the judges, you know? Life has become a better place to be in with my sobriety, not only for me, but for other people.

• 58:32Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, and I always, like you were saying, the service thing's big, because especially when you're like, you know, if you're in the, even with the, with the route drugs, if you're just like, living a negative existence.

• 58:39Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 58:40Matt McCusker?

  Usually convinced, like, in order to conquer my own negative existence, I have to achieve at some level that just somehow, like, shuts all this down and people will realize and they'll like me, whereas like, in recovery, it's like, or you can just like, help people.

• 58:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:54Matt McCusker?

  And it gets the same thing. Like, if you're like lonely, it's like, well, rather than trying to be the man, just go volunteer.

• 58:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:59Matt McCusker?

  And you'll get that, like, it's like a quick route into kind of like a social, a nice, social existence, and everyone is just like, no, I have to conquer the world.

• 59:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's, it's too easy, it's too simple.

• 59:08Matt McCusker?

  Exactly, it's really, I always thought it was kind of funny.

• 59:10Speaker 02

  It's like, it's a, it's a simple fucking approach for an overcomplicated thinker.

• 59:15Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 59:16Speaker 02

  And that's why I say, smart people generally have a hard time getting it.

• 59:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 59:21Speaker 02

  You know, I had to dumb my way into this position.

• 59:24Matt McCusker?

  Hmm.

• 59:24Speaker 02

  And that was through me being beaten into a state of reasonableness as a direct result of my behaviors. But it doesn't have to get that way, right? Like, my, one of my business partners, I met him in treatment, it was his first attempt ever at getting sober, and he's remained sober.

• 59:38Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 59:38Speaker 02

  You know?

• 59:39Matt McCusker?

  He was like, fuck, fuck it up.

• 59:40Speaker 02

  So it's like, that's the frustrating thing. Most people are like, well, why, why can't my level get it at number one? Why does he have to get to 13 like you? It's, there's no black and white. It's, it's such an individualized process, and if you look at the statistics, it's, it's very sad, because it states that you're not gonna win. But I'm here to fucking say, like,

• 1:00:02Matt McCusker?

  You can.

• 1:00:03Speaker 02

  Fuck that.

• 1:00:03Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:04Speaker 02

  Like, not only am I gonna win, I'm gonna fucking kill it, I'm gonna own it, and it's gonna turn into be my biggest blessing.

• 1:00:10Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:11Speaker 02

  And if I can do it, so the fuck can you? There's nothing different between us, except for what I was willing to do.

• 1:00:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I mean, that's, yeah, I'm sure that's gotta be like, it's really rewarding too, like, so you were saying, having the groups and seeing like, even a couple people, kind of take off, because I guess if you really look at the recovery homes, it's like, If this doesn't work for me, this whole place is bullshit. Or it'd be like, dude, you gotta, someone's gotta do something. What is, is like the opiate with overdoses going down? Are they still going up or like?

• 1:00:40Speaker 02

  I'm not a big stats guy. I don't look at numbers. I just kinda fucking remain ignorant to it and live in my own world.

• 1:00:46Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, well, you don't hear about it as much anymore. It like dominated everything for a while.

• 1:00:50Speaker 02

  After COVID, alcohol became a big thing.

• 1:00:53Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:00:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, so I have a lot of alcoholics in my facility now.

• 1:00:56Matt McCusker?

  Gotcha.

• 1:00:57Speaker 02

  And then meth's making a pretty big, big push.

• 1:00:59Matt McCusker?

  Wow comeback.

• 1:01:00Speaker 02

  A lot of people got off heroin or fentanyl with meth.

• 1:01:03Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:04Speaker 02

  You know?

• 1:01:04Matt McCusker?

  I've heard, I've, I've known people who have like, off the heroin, meth comes into the picture and they're like, damn, I'm actually super productive.

• 1:01:11Speaker 02

  And then I, I, I do, uh, I, I work with the DEA. I'm like a keynote speaker for the DEA at these summits that they have all over the nation. And I, I was just doing an event with them in St. Louis and they were like, yeah, cocaine's making a big comeback. We're fucking busting down big shipments of cocaine. So, kinda like how I said Miami Vice was cool again, like crack could be cool again soon with like the eighties. You know what I mean? Like, that's usually how the world works.

• 1:01:39Matt McCusker?

  Do you think they should legalize drugs? Do you think that'd be easier to help people or you think it would make things worse?

• 1:01:43Speaker 02

  I, I think, you know, I don't know about legalizing it, but I do believe in like safe injection sites.

• 1:01:49Matt McCusker?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:01:50Speaker 02

  And Philly was gonna be the first place to do that. And then they shut it down at the midnight hour. And their fear was that like it could trigger others in the community to wanna get high. And I don't, maybe that's the case, but for me, I would never walk past a safe injection site and like, I think I wanna go in there and shoot up heroin.

• 1:02:06Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I don't think it would. I think they did this in London or Britain, whatever, years ago.

• 1:02:11Speaker 02

  I believe it works in Sweden, I think, maybe.

• 1:02:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:15Speaker 02

  And what you, what I think would be beautiful about it is you use it as a portal, right? They get, it's a major harm reduction approach. They give you clean needles, clean water, clean cotton.

• 1:02:24Matt McCusker?

  And they test, obviously, the drugs.

• 1:02:25Speaker 02

  And then they test the drugs and the majority of the people that are in there don't really wanna be in there anymore.

• 1:02:30Matt McCusker?

  That's kind of what I-

• 1:02:31Speaker 02

  It's lost its allure.

• 1:02:32Matt McCusker?

  Exactly. You're under like, you're in like a doctor's bench.

• 1:02:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're being fucking monitored as you shoot up with some weird guy to make sure you don't die and to inject you a Narcan. So at the very least, when you do say you're ready, bam, we have avenues to get you.

• 1:02:45Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:45Speaker 02

  But, but now check this out, me being a major advocate for that, right? I own where I live in Old City, right? In Philly, and a really nice place. And someone said to me, they said, "Well, would you want it next to your house?" And I'm like, "Ah."

• 1:02:58Matt McCusker?

  No.

• 1:02:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, because it'd fuck my property value up, right? And I'm just being transparent, open, and I'm like...

• 1:03:03Matt McCusker?

  For sure, for sure.

• 1:03:03Speaker 02

  So, there's two sides to every fucking coin.

• 1:03:06Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah, that's true. Yeah, then, you know, again, with that, you're gonna have people like popping door handles and all that shit. It's like, yeah, because you're like...

• 1:03:12Speaker 02

  Straight up. So, I, you know, I really just try to remain like Switzerland in a lot of fucking places.

• 1:03:19Matt McCusker?

  That makes sense, yeah.

• 1:03:20Speaker 02

  Just neutral and adapt accordingly.

• 1:03:22Matt McCusker?

  At least you're honest, because I heard people be like, "I wouldn't care," and it's like...

• 1:03:25Speaker 02

  But, yeah.

• 1:03:26Matt McCusker?

  You sure?

• 1:03:26Speaker 02

  You, yeah, yeah. You know, that's just the truth of the matter. Now, I'm not saying that, like, you know, if the opportunity presented itself and they were gonna do it, I would still back it, but in my mind, I'm like, "But couldn't you just go a neighborhood over?" You know what I mean? Like, I wouldn't vote no on it.

• 1:03:42Matt McCusker?

  I know you, I know you.

• 1:03:42Speaker 02

  Let's put it that way. I would not vote no on it, but I would definitely vote for it to be in the next neighborhood over.

• 1:03:47Matt McCusker?

  For sure, yeah. That makes sense. Everybody would.

• 1:03:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, so it's just, you know, I don't know. It's such an individualized thing. I don't know what the approach is, except for just taking the time to help one person.

• 1:03:59Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:00Speaker 02

  That's it. One person.

• 1:04:01Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 1:04:02Speaker 02

  And that one person who helped me. Just think about all the heroin that I stopped injecting, all the people I stopped hurting, that the one less needle that's being found on your kid's playground because I stopped shooting up.

• 1:04:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, man.

• 1:04:14Speaker 02

  Like, it goes that far.

• 1:04:15Matt McCusker?

  It's crazy. And again, like you were saying, like, people, you get kind of mired in the cliche of it, but it is pretty nuts to think about that. Like, if, you know, that guy that day, I'd have been like, "Fuck him, I don't feel like doing this."

• 1:04:23Speaker 02

  Straight up.

• 1:04:24Matt McCusker?

  Like you were saying, your mom's upset, but you're burning bridges, you're ripping shit off, you're going to jail, all the shit. It's like, it's pretty crazy, when you think about the ripple effect.

• 1:04:32Speaker 02

  And I believe that that's the approach that will change the outcome. I mean, it's, put it this way, so in Delaware, where all my sober living houses are, my treatment center as well...

• 1:04:44Speaker 02

  We really wanted the community to see because in there, they said, well, we don't really want them in our neighborhood. Right? I get it. So, one of the stipulations with Novak's House is when it snows, you have to go out and you shovel your neighbor's porch and their driveway. And like, you be kind to humanity and society. And, and then that was working and it snowball affected into the guys and women living in Novak's House. They started getting jobs within the community.

• 1:05:06Matt McCusker?

  That's cool.

• 1:05:07Speaker 02

  And then, the people who owned the businesses that started hiring the Novak's House clients, they saw something different in them. Same thing that happened to me. I'd show up to work early, I'd stay late, I took pride in washing dishes. They're like, where are you, what's, because they aren't, it's just different. And, and they're like, where are you from? What, what, what's the backstory? Like, oh, we live in this place called Novak's House, the Sober House. And, and what the business owners within the community did on their own, I wish I could take credit for this, is they created a private Facebook page called Novak's House Hires.

• 1:05:45Speaker 02

  And if any of these businesses need employees, they put a post up that goes to the Novak's House only. And then if any of the Novak's House people need a job, they put their resume or what their qualifications are.

• 1:05:57Matt McCusker?

  Oh, that's cool.

• 1:05:58Speaker 02

  Because like, they're seeing the good that they're creating through the ethics and behaviors. And like, it's taking on a whole life of its own. Right? So like, it's snowball effects. You know, it, it, then it opens the window for people wanting to hire people in recovery. Where before it was taboo, it was shied away from. You don't do that, they'll rob you, they'll lie to you, they'll steal from you. I'm here to prove that that's not the fucking reality.

• 1:06:23Matt McCusker?

  Nice, man.

• 1:06:23Speaker 02

  Of all of, but like.

• 1:06:24Matt McCusker?

  For sure, I know what you're saying, yeah, it can be done.

• 1:06:26Speaker 02

  But, you know, the old saying is if you, i- i- if you haven't been ripped off in AA, you're not helping enough newcomers.

• 1:06:36Matt McCusker?

  No, that makes sense, but that's fucking awesome, man.

• 1:06:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, and again, I couldn't, I'm not creative enough or intelligent enough to create that. It's just me stepping out and letting the process play out.

• 1:06:46Matt McCusker?

  Oh yeah. Well dude, I think that's it, man. Thank you so much, bro. I really appreciate that.

• 1:06:49Speaker 02

  I enjoyed this.

• 1:06:50Matt McCusker?

  I'm pumped to hear about that and I enjoyed it too, man. I'm really happy to hear, you know. It's good to hear people taking their time to help the world, like that's still a thing, because I think a lot of people.

• 1:06:58Speaker 02

  For sure.

• 1:06:59Matt McCusker?

  Just get so, and it's not like a bad thing.

• 1:07:00Speaker 02

  I would say I'm guilty of it too, getting consumed in the rat race.

• 1:07:03Matt McCusker?

  I'm the worst. Yeah, I have to jump out of it every day.

• 1:07:06Speaker 02

  Straight up.

• 1:07:06Matt McCusker?

  What the fuck am I doing with myself?

• 1:07:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, once you hit to that point where you hit the wall, right?

• 1:07:10Matt McCusker?

  Daily, yeah.

• 1:07:12Speaker 02

  Same, same. I wake up every morning with a brain that wants to fucking kill me on a layaway plan.

• 1:07:16Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:17Speaker 02

  Right? Install in a plan of just like, one fucking defect at a time.

• 1:07:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:23Speaker 02

  So, so anyone out there that might need help, you can reach me directly at 610-314-6747. Call me, and if you need help with getting treatment.

• 1:07:34Matt McCusker?

  Nice. Well, thank you so much.

• 1:07:36Speaker 02

  Bye, brother.

• 1:07:36Matt McCusker?

  See you, bro. Love you. Thank you.

• 1:07:49Speaker 04

  Now streaming on Paramount+.

• 1:07:51Speaker 07

  I'm Dexter Morgan. I've been killing killers for half my life. It gets to you. You're having a midlife crisis. I'm not ready for this.

• 1:07:59Speaker 04

  He's back.

• 1:08:00Speaker 07

  I'm older. I'm wiser.

• 1:08:04Speaker 04

  And sharper than ever.

• 1:08:05Speaker 07

  Things are gonna get messy, but if I can't believe in myself, I can't believe in anything.

• 1:08:13Speaker 04

  Dexter Resurrection. New season now streaming on the Paramount+ Premium Plan.

• 1:08:19Speaker 06

  Glimmer, the new eau de parfum by Estee Lauder. An amber floral fragrance with a gourmand twist, with notes of macaron rose accord, amber embrace accord, and shimmering patchouli. A glimmer is a small, unexpected moment of joy that shifts your energy and how you feel. A scent to be felt, remembered, and shared. Discover more at estee lauder.com. What makes you glimmer?