EP.234 - TASH DEMETRIOU LIVE

Adam rambles with comedian Natasia Demetriou about pregnancy, why she owes her whole career to Adam, the weird crap Tash looks at on her phone, revolting recipes, accents, the sadness of time, and parenting tips. CONTAINS STRONG LANGUAGE AND REVOLTING DESCRIPTION Conversation recorded face to face in front of a live audience at the Liverpool Royal Philharmonic on May 20th, 2024 as part of the Adam Buxton Podcast Tour. Thanks to Séamus Murphy-Mitchell for production support and conversation editing and to Becca Bryers for audio mixing. Podcast illustration by Helen Green https://helengreenillustration.com/ ADAM'S WEBSITE adam-buxton.co.uk RELATED LINKS TASH'S PHONE CRAP FUNERAL POTATOES TRAY BAKE https://www.youtube.com/shorts/H6J0OiyMXnM - 2024 (YOUTUBE SHORTS) I LET A BIRD NEST IN MY HAIR FOR 84 DAYS https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/mar/25/experience-i-let-a-baby-bird-nest-in-my-hair by Hannah Bourne-Taylor - 2022 (GUARDIAN) 'TAKE THE PISS' SAUSAGE TEXT https://www.reddit.com/r/Badfaketexts/comments/5qvfrk/take_the_piss/?rdt=60167 (REDDIT) JESSICA KNAPPETT'S UPLIFTING MOVIE PICK VACATION (TRAILER) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TeOPbcJHyiY Directed by John Francis Daley and Jonathan Goldstein - 2015 (YOUTUBE) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Adam Buxton?

  Please welcome your host for the Adam Buxton Podcast Live. It's Adam Buxton Podcast Live.

• 0:10Adam Buxton?

  Good to see you. All right, we have an intro jingle to sing, and I have some assistance tonight in the form of my eldest son, Frank Buxton.

• 0:32Adam Buxton?

  How are you feeling about this, Frank?

• 0:34Speaker 01

  All right.

• 0:35Adam Buxton?

  So the pressure's on tonight in Liverpool, the home of modern music as we know it.

• 0:43Adam Buxton?

  If we screw this up here, Macca's never gonna talk to me again.

• 0:47Speaker 01

  It'll be bad, yeah.

• 0:49Adam Buxton?

  All right, here we go.

• 0:56Adam Buxton?

  I added one more podcast to the giant podcast bin. Now you have plugged that podcast out and started listening. I took my microphone and found some human folk. Then I recorded all the noises while we spoke.

• 1:15Adam Buxton?

  My name is Adam Buxton, I'm a man. I want you to enjoy this, that's the plan.

• 1:27Adam Buxton?

  Hey, Frank Buxton.

• 1:33Adam Buxton?

  Hey, how are you doing, podcast? Adam Buxton here. You've just been listening to me and my son Frank, doing a special polka version of the podcast theme in front of a live audience at the Royal Liverpool Philharmonic Theatre back in May of this year, 2024, as part of my live podcast tour. And rather than put all of those live episodes out, I am picking a few that I hope will work in audio-only form.

• 2:10Adam Buxton?

  Because there was quite a lot of video in the shows. How are you doing anyway? Before we get back into that live podcast show and meet our guest, I just wanted to say hello as usual out here in the fields of Norfolk. I'm here with my dog friend Rose. Rosie, look, I've got a treat for you. Dog legs. Look at this. Rosie.

• 2:36Adam Buxton?

  She, she thinks we're going back. No, we're not going back just yet, my love. Rosie, we're gonna go for a bit more of a walk. But look, I've got you some chicken. That's quite good, isn't it? Not as good as going home and being in front of the fire. I know, but look. It's good to get some exercise. Look, I've got you several bets of nice chicken, Rose. That is quite a treat, isn't it? I mean, in the old days, you would have absolutely lost your shit, but now a cosy sofa is a more attractive proposition. Then a walk on a wintry evening. And some chicken. But don't worry, Rosie, we won't be that long.

• 3:17Adam Buxton?

  Anyway, apart from that, though. Rosie's doing very well. She gets up very early these days. I mean, I think we're synchronising a little bit. I'm getting up earlier and earlier as well. Partly to do with the fact that I just don't sleep very well at the moment.

• 3:35Adam Buxton?

  Um, and I tend to wake up like five sometimes. Then I'll just lie there thinking about absolute bollocks. And then I'll get up. I mean, this is a guy that used to not want to get up much before eleven. Well into my twenties. Part of the reason that the Adam and Joe show used to take so long to make is that both Joe and I really didn't like getting up early. I found an email the other day to the first agent that I ever had. Vivian Claw. And she was asking what kind of things we were up for doing work-wise and what sort of things we wanted to avoid.

• 4:21Adam Buxton?

  And one of the things I said I wanted to avoid in my reply was getting up early.

• 4:26Adam Buxton?

  Vivian was understandably not that impressed by that reply, I don't think.

• 4:32Adam Buxton?

  The split was very amicable. Hello Vivian, if you're out there. But yeah, now I'm up with the lark, before the lark, a lot of the time, but not before Rosie, who is always up when I get up and very bouncy and excited about going downstairs, going outside, barking at the cows, doing a poo, having some breakfast. All the same stuff I'm into, I guess.

• 5:00Adam Buxton?

  So, she sends lots of love. Alright, let's get back to Liverpool in May of this year.

• 5:08Adam Buxton?

  So yes, today you will be hearing the less visual portions of my conversation with a well-loved friend of the podcast, star of Stafflet's Flats, the sketch show Eli and Natasha, and the long-running vampire sitcom, What We Do in the Shadows, as well as so much more. She pops up in all sorts of bits and pieces and it's always wonderful when she does. Of course, I'm talking about Tash Demetriou. She very kindly agreed to be my guest in Liverpool back in May, despite being heavily pregnant at the time. I'm very happy to say the baby arrived safely a few weeks later and is doing very well. What else?

• 5:50Adam Buxton?

  There is a reference at one point, I think, to what I was wearing at the time, which was a very bright pink, I think it's called hot pink shirt, and my green docker cap. There is actually a picture of me and Tash backstage after the show, if you want to see what we look like, on the page featuring this episode on my website. adam-buxton.co.uk, there's a link in the description. I also, at one point, make a reference to a organ piece by Jonny Greenwood of Radiohead and The Smile. The piece is called 268 Years of Reverb. I may have got the title wrong. I also think I said it lasted nine hours. It only lasted eight hours.

• 6:34Adam Buxton?

  I saw the premiere of the piece earlier this year.

• 6:41Adam Buxton?

  At the 2024 Norfolk and Norwich Festival, James McVinnie and Eliza McCarthy took turns performing the piece. They would do shifts, changing over every hour. It was performed at the beautiful Octagon Chapel in Norwich on the pipe organ there. I didn't sit there for the full eight hours. My son actually sat there for four hours. He did the last half. I was there for a couple of hours and it was very hypnotic. Anyway, that's what I was referring to.

• 7:17Adam Buxton?

  I gave the Liverpool audience a content warning, which I'll give you too, in case it's useful. There is bad language in this one, quite a lot towards the end. There's some off colour humour and there's some revolting references, I would say.

• 7:33Adam Buxton?

  So in a moment, I will return you to the Royal Liverpool Philharmonic Theatre, as I reveal to the audience that their guest for the evening will be Tash. And then at the end of our onstage ramble, I'll be back to say a brief goodbye at the end of this podcast. But right now, another unusual version of a podcast jingle. This time, I think I've played this one before. This is one of the remixes of Ramble Chat from the Metta Pop Native Instruments Remix Competition that happened three years ago, I think. This one, one of my favourites, really made me laugh. It's by Benjamin Bell. Here we go.

• 8:14Speaker 02

  Join us around the campfire. Bob's about to tell us his blues. My tortoise ran away and I couldn't catch it up. And my book club disbanded and I've really had enough. And I looked out at the ocean. Okay, Adam, there. Okay, Adam, could you be quiet when others are speaking? Yes. Okay, Sarah, take it away.

• 8:36Speaker 03

  I went for a walk and I was really taken aback because my shoes were all two sizes too big. And I was really worried. I was worried about it.

• 8:47Speaker 02

  Okay, all right, Adam, Adam, you're on a timeout. All right, Jim, you got blues? A tortoise showed up in my back garden last weekend. Now I've got a latest death in Ted. Adam, okay, fine, have it your way. Ted's back. Sing the song. Ramble chat, let's have the ramble chat. We'll focus first on this, then concentrate all night. Okay, you happy now? Yes.

• 9:13Adam Buxton?

  Please give a very warm welcome to Tash Demetriou.

• 9:38Adam Buxton?

  Got too many pillows.

• 9:39Speaker 04

  I said I needed some pillows, but...

• 9:44Adam Buxton?

  How's that?

• 9:44Speaker 04

  That's lovely.

• 9:45Adam Buxton?

  Is that good?

• 9:45Speaker 04

  Thank you. Sorry, I had a really big dinner, so I need a lot of support. Hello, Adam. Hello, everyone.

• 9:53Adam Buxton?

  Hey.

• 9:56Adam Buxton?

  Tash, thank you so much for coming along.

• 9:58Speaker 04

  Thanks for having me.

• 9:59Adam Buxton?

  So good to see you. Ah, you're welcome. Who else could I have kicked off the tour? Actually, Richard Iwate kicked it off.

• 10:04Speaker 04

  He got the Palladium.

• 10:05Adam Buxton?

  He got the Palladium, but Palladium is worse than this venue.

• 10:09Speaker 04

  Oh, 100%. London stinks. It's over.

• 10:12Adam Buxton?

  It's...

• 10:12Speaker 04

  London is over. Did you get your falafel salad?

• 10:15Adam Buxton?

  I got the falafel salad. I'm still digesting it a little bit. Now, you made a humorous comment there about your belly size.

• 10:23Speaker 04

  Yeah. I had a falafel salad, too.

• 10:27Adam Buxton?

  And it turned into?

• 10:29Speaker 04

  A baby.

• 10:30Adam Buxton?

  A baby.

• 10:33Speaker 04

  I did it. I've ruined my life.

• 10:36Adam Buxton?

  Was it a carefully planned decision?

• 10:39Speaker 04

  Um, yes and no. I don't know. Um, just a big shout out to my boyfriend's sperm, because it happened very quickly.

• 10:49Speaker 04

  It was a strike baby.

• 10:51Adam Buxton?

  Okay.

• 10:51Speaker 04

  So the actors and writers were on strike last year, so no one could do anything in solidarity. So I had sex.

• 11:02Adam Buxton?

  You had just some sex.

• 11:03Speaker 04

  I had some sex.

• 11:05Adam Buxton?

  Congratulations.

• 11:06Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 11:07Adam Buxton?

  And do you know what you're having? Human?

• 11:08Speaker 04

  Uh, human man.

• 11:10Adam Buxton?

  Human man? Oh, man. Tough times for human men.

• 11:15Speaker 04

  Don't say that.

• 11:20Speaker 04

  So many of like my weirder friends are like, oh.

• 11:25Speaker 04

  I'm so sorry.

• 11:26Adam Buxton?

  Because men, men are broken.

• 11:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, but it is weird. There's a penis inside me.

• 11:34Speaker 04

  It's so weird. And around this part, they start masturbating.

• 11:45Speaker 04

  I haven't done anything live in a really long time, so my, my mouth is wild. I don't know.

• 11:49Adam Buxton?

  It's all right. I did the warning. They understand. And how have you been feeling? How, how are you coping with it? Are you throwing up everywhere?

• 11:58Speaker 04

  I think I've had a pretty touch wood, straightforward pregnancy, but I know that's very lucky. I think the main thing is you just, your body, my body has turned into a dog's body.

• 12:11Adam Buxton?

  What kind of dog?

• 12:12Speaker 04

  My breasts are completely grey.

• 12:17Speaker 04

  You do, it's a very mammalian time. You realise the species that you are. And it's like, you think, oh, I'm special. I do Adam Buxton's podcast and I do acting. And it's like, no. No, you're just a giant mammal, ready to carry life. And my nipples are down to my knees.

• 12:35Adam Buxton?

  Ooh, that's turned me on.

• 12:41Adam Buxton?

  Well.

• 12:44Adam Buxton?

  Now I'm just thinking about that.

• 12:47Adam Buxton?

  But I'm glad it's going well. And are you enjoying the accompanying baby chat?

• 12:54Speaker 04

  Yes, I mean, I was, I've just finished, I was just filming What We Do in the Shadows.

• 12:58Adam Buxton?

  Oh, yes. Series, what are we on now?

• 13:00Speaker 04

  Six.

• 13:01Adam Buxton?

  Six, holy.

• 13:02Speaker 04

  Too many, too many, too many. No, no, no, it's a brilliant show. No, so I've just been filming that. So, yeah, I'd say it was like a healthy distraction, but also at times I was like, guys, I am pregnant. But you know, it's just like, it's just like Matt Berry being like, move on.

• 13:20Adam Buxton?

  Did they write you pregnant?

• 13:22Speaker 04

  No, because they wrote the show before the strike.

• 13:24Adam Buxton?

  Oh.

• 13:25Speaker 04

  And then I was like, sorry, oops. And so, yeah, I did a lot of holding buckets, holding baskets, standing behind Kay Van's head.

• 13:34Adam Buxton?

  Yeah, leaning forward and just generally.

• 13:37Speaker 04

  A lot of doing my lines over my shoulder.

• 13:39Adam Buxton?

  Yeah, very good. Sweet job. I always feel like I got you that job.

• 13:45Speaker 04

  You did. You actually, do you know you did?

• 13:47Adam Buxton?

  I do, but I just like.

• 13:49Speaker 04

  Do you want me to tell the, you want me to tell the story?

• 13:57Adam Buxton?

  It reflects so well on me. It makes me seem.

• 13:59Speaker 04

  It does make you look very good.

• 14:01Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 14:02Speaker 04

  And takes away the fact that you have a boner over a pregnant woman's nipples.

• 14:07Speaker 04

  In a little pink top that makes you look like a little penis.

• 14:11Adam Buxton?

  This is like the shirt for the middle-aged guy who wants to act like he's still interesting somewhat. Anyway, yes.

• 14:18Speaker 04

  So I was absolutely unemployable doing nothing. And you, I think, saw me do a live show at the invisible, what used to be the Invisible Dot Comedy Club. And you were like, I do a podcast. And I genuinely didn't know what podcasts were. I was like, oh, sounds, I thought it was something to do with VHS. Because I was like, he's like into tech and weird stuff, so maybe he'll give me a video and someone will take a photo.

• 14:43Adam Buxton?

  It wasn't that long ago, was it? It was only like 2016.

• 14:46Speaker 04

  But you were one of the OG podcasters.

• 14:49Adam Buxton?

  Sure.

• 14:50Speaker 04

  I think you were.

• 14:51Adam Buxton?

  Yeah, yeah, back, I mean, 2006, we started doing On Me and Joe, so that's fairly OG.

• 14:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, so I didn't, I didn't know what podcasts were. And so I was like, yeah, I'll do it. And then, yeah, we, we had a very nice chat, ramble chat. And then Jermaine Clement, who came up with the, with Taika Waititi, came up with the idea for What We Do in the Shadows.

• 15:13Adam Buxton?

  Jermaine of Flight of the Conchords.

• 15:14Speaker 04

  Of Flight of the Conchords, of New Zealand, of divorce with Sarah Jessica Parker, Men in Black Three.

• 15:21Adam Buxton?

  Men in Black Three, loved it. He was very good in that.

• 15:23Speaker 04

  Avatar Two. Anyway, a big shout out to Jermaine's career. It's going great. So, yeah, he listened to the podcast because he loves you. And he was like, I then, I was doing a tiny, tiny, tiny part that was essentially being a background person in a film called The Festival, where I had one line which was, and arses.

• 15:47Adam Buxton?

  But you smashed it.

• 15:49Speaker 04

  I did, but my friend was, had a bigger part in the film and we, she was like, why don't you come for dinner with me in the car? So I was like, oh god. So I went with them and Jermaine was in that film and he sat next to me and he was like, you're on Adam Buckston's podcast, weren't you? And I was like, oh my god. And also, we were eating, we were in Indian restaurants, so I was going hog wild on the curry. So that really helped calm me down, stop eating so much. I did that thing when they brought the rice to the table, that's supposed to be rice for sharing, and took a whole plate and poured on. So, he was like, oh, my wife's Greek, you're Greek, that's cool. So I was like, it is. And then that's why he got me to audition for What We Do in the Shadows, and then I

• 16:34Speaker 04

  got the part.

• 16:35Adam Buxton?

  And the rest, as they say, is history.

• 16:38Speaker 04

  Is Adam Buckston.

• 16:38Adam Buxton?

  Thank you very much. Well, let's take you, whoa, hey, whoa, hey, whoa, hey. Thanks as well for slipping in there that Jermaine really loves me.

• 16:50Speaker 04

  He does.

• 16:51Adam Buxton?

  I mean, he doesn't love me enough to do the actual podcast.

• 16:55Adam Buxton?

  Back when I was on social media, we exchanged a few messages. I was like, come and do the podcast. And it was one of those where he's like, yeah, great, love to. Never able to

• 17:03Speaker 04

  That was a really good age of social media, where all the dads were on social media. You, Jermaine, Robert Popper, all dadding at each other, getting...

• 17:12Adam Buxton?

  Yes. The good old days of social media. Anyway, I'm trying to be more organised, because I thought, live show, I don't want to take the piss out of the people of Liverpool who have paid to be here. So I'm trying to be way more organised than I would normally be on an actual episode of my podcast. So beforehand, I asked you, what has been cheering you up lately? And there was then a flurry of texts, more texts than I have received in months and months and months. My wife was very alarmed, because normally my phone never ever pings.

• 17:46Speaker 04

  Oh, Adam.

• 17:46Adam Buxton?

  She's the one who's doing, I've got a special mic for when I say, my wife.

• 17:56Adam Buxton?

  Although that's a little bit sinister, isn't it?

• 17:58Speaker 04

  My wife.

• 18:01Speaker 04

  And the microphone looks almost like a penis as well.

• 18:07Adam Buxton?

  I'm trying to keep the pink motif going.

• 18:11Speaker 04

  Don't do that because I might go into labour.

• 18:15Speaker 04

  That really reverberated.

• 18:19Speaker 04

  The baby's really moving.

• 18:24Adam Buxton?

  This is like Johnny Greenwood came to Norwich the other day and did the premiere of a new piece that he's written. This is not a joke. It was nine hours long.

• 18:35Adam Buxton?

  This is Johnny Greenwood from Radiohead and he is a musical genius and scores many of Paul Thomas Anderson's movies and others.

• 18:42Speaker 04

  Yes, yes.

• 18:43Adam Buxton?

  And he created this piece on the organ that was nine hours. It's called something like 286 Years of Reverb.

• 18:52Adam Buxton?

  And it's, they had two players on it. Johnny wasn't even playing it. He just turned up and oversaw the two players that he had got. To take turns, they would do an hour shift each and hold down notes and then gradually introduce other notes. So that, he explained the sort of maths, the music theory of it to me. It's something about moving through the whole scale of permutations of something harmonic and it takes nine hours.

• 19:24Speaker 04

  That, you saying all that felt like it took nine hours.

• 19:29Speaker 04

  I completely switched off.

• 19:31Adam Buxton?

  But it was a little bit like what I was just doing there with the wife mic. I don't think I'll ever use the wife mic again, you know.

• 19:40Adam Buxton?

  Tonight was the first time because I always feel as if I...

• 19:44Speaker 04

  Wife mic!

• 19:44Adam Buxton?

  I always feel as if I have to emphasise the fact that it's supposed to be a robot impression rather than a Borat impression.

• 19:52Speaker 04

  I've always thought it was Borat.

• 19:55Adam Buxton?

  It's not fucking Borat.

• 19:58Speaker 04

  My wife. It is my wife. It is not.

• 20:03Speaker 04

  But when you just say "my wife", it sounds like "maa-ah".

• 20:06Adam Buxton?

  I know it does, that's why I'm trying to emphasise the robot. Otherwise I seem like just a sad man in a pink shirt who's built a career stealing one of Sacha Baron Cohen's catchphrases. And that isn't the case, entirely. Alright, so these are some of the things that Tash sent me in the flurry of texts.

• 20:29Speaker 04

  Oh no.

• 20:31Adam Buxton?

  Explain them to me, because they were totally they were totally free of context.

• 20:37Speaker 04

  No, because you text me saying, "Send me anything you've got that's recent in your phone", so I genuinely sent you the like the four or five most recent things that were in my phone.

• 20:47Adam Buxton?

  This is from The Guardian. "I let a baby bird nest in my hair for 84 days. He fell asleep in my palm. As far as he was concerned, I was his mother", by Hannah Bourne-Taylor. She is an ex-model, I looked her up. She's a nature author and conservationist on a mission to engage everyone with birds and the wonders of the natural world through her writing. Did you know that?

• 21:08Speaker 04

  I didn't know that, because I'm like a piece of shit human who just gets things sent and like, "Ha ha ha, idiot", sends it on. Idiot, kill them, dead. And I didn't know that she was actually did a lot of charity work and good work for birds. Ew, she's so stupid.

• 21:28Adam Buxton?

  And then you sent me this. This is a smashed phone. It's a message from Mum. "Was three fucking sausages not enough for you?", question mark, question mark. "You have to take one off Gary's plate? Fucking rude, I'm sick to bastard death of you."

• 21:56Adam Buxton?

  Gaz replies, "Take the piss." And then there's a missed call from mum who was hoping to berate the receiver even further for stealing a sausage off Gary's plate. Is that a real thing?

• 22:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, I mean, I was doing research on the internet of how to be a good mum and how to communicate with your children and...

• 22:19Adam Buxton?

  Fucking rude, I'm sick to bastard death of you.

• 22:21Speaker 04

  Sick to bastard death of you is...

• 22:24Adam Buxton?

  I like it. It's someone who thinks that taking an extra sausage is so rude that it's okay to say, "I'm sick to bastard death of you."

• 22:34Speaker 04

  Oh, poor Gaz.

• 22:35Adam Buxton?

  How long is it gonna take you before you get to that point? How old do you think the receiver is, the son?

• 22:43Speaker 04

  In my head, it's sort of like a, a sort of, a hungry 15-year-old girl or boy.

• 22:50Adam Buxton?

  Oh, really? 15?

• 22:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, 15, 16. Or in my dreams, he'd be like 42.

• 22:59Adam Buxton?

  And it's an old mum.

• 23:00Speaker 04

  It's an older mum.

• 23:01Adam Buxton?

  Who is absolutely sick to bastard death of her, of all her kids.

• 23:05Speaker 04

  42-year-old son.

• 23:08Adam Buxton?

  And then you sent me a couple of, actually, you sent me quite a few videos. Where are you finding these?

• 23:15Speaker 04

  Just on my phone.

• 23:16Adam Buxton?

  Is this TikTok you're looking at?

• 23:17Speaker 04

  No, no, I don't have TikTok because I'm too scared, I don't know how to use it. But, yeah, no, these are just little funny, little funny things that I just get, you know, I get sent or I see and I screenshot them.

• 23:29Adam Buxton?

  Sure, little bits of fun. And then you sent me, this is one of several of these things that you sent me.

• 23:38Speaker 04

  This is what I'm into at the moment.

• 23:39Adam Buxton?

  Is this a reel on YouTube? YouTube reels?

• 23:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, so it's, it's sort of all part of a YouTube world that I'm now very immersed in, which is sort of mums being very efficient in their lives with cleaning, with cooking, and yeah, this is one of my faves.

• 23:56Adam Buxton?

  Describe what we're looking at here, Tash.

• 23:58Speaker 04

  We're looking at two gorgeous manicured female hands, a silver...

• 24:03Speaker 04

  Disposable foil tray and some shredded hash brown potatoes in a bag. Just about seems like it's about to be poured upon the foil tray.

• 24:13Adam Buxton?

  This is someone preparing a recipe that they think is nice? Or is this an ironic thing?

• 24:20Speaker 04

  No, it's like, you know, I, I think this particular idea is from like Southern America.

• 24:25Adam Buxton?

  Uh huh.

• 24:26Speaker 04

  So it's like one and done. This is for all young moms out there, the following people, watch this, y'all.

• 24:31Adam Buxton?

  That's a very authentic accent.

• 24:34Speaker 04

  We're gonna do it all in the pan and the kids love it. And it's a lot of them are like hashtag finally found something the kids will eat.

• 24:40Adam Buxton?

  So here we go. This is what it looks like. And there's loads of these. This is one of so many. There's a big block of cheese. This is all speeded up. What is that cream?

• 24:52Speaker 04

  Cream cheese.

• 24:53Adam Buxton?

  Cream cheese, just big chunks of onion and then pouring what? Milk over it?

• 24:59Speaker 04

  Milk, pepper. That's right.

• 25:02Adam Buxton?

  A big block of cheese in the middle. What is the yellow stuff? Just more cheese?

• 25:07Speaker 04

  I think it's a type of cheese called velveteen.

• 25:11Adam Buxton?

  Pour a bag of ruffled chips over it and then saturate the whole thing with olive oil.

• 25:17Speaker 04

  Mix it up. That's right. Get it all in there.

• 25:20Adam Buxton?

  Smash it all together.

• 25:23Adam Buxton?

  This is all speeded up as you could hear from the audio there into a, so it's all being.

• 25:28Speaker 04

  Do you not find it satisfying? I find it so satisfying.

• 25:31Adam Buxton?

  There is something satisfying about it.

• 25:34Speaker 04

  Look at that.

• 25:35Adam Buxton?

  Look at it. Oh my.

• 25:39Adam Buxton?

  And so that is being offered up as a genuine tasty yum yum treat.

• 25:43Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 25:44Adam Buxton?

  Wow.

• 25:44Speaker 04

  Because what's not to like? Crisps, cheese, oil.

• 25:49Adam Buxton?

  Yes, I mean, it's the same sort of theory that I was operating within when I was four. And I would smash together my fish fingers with the instant mash and the peas. And I would just smash, smash, smash, smash, smash until it was a sort of light green paste.

• 26:10Speaker 04

  Yum.

• 26:10Adam Buxton?

  And then I would eat that and my dad would, if he was in the room, get angry and appalled. It's revolting. Why do you have to eat like that?

• 26:19Speaker 04

  But look at you now.

• 26:20Adam Buxton?

  Look at me now.

• 26:22Speaker 04

  Little desk.

• 26:23Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 26:25Speaker 04

  Little desk on a stage.

• 26:26Adam Buxton?

  Pink shirt, wife, Mike, smashing it.

• 26:31Adam Buxton?

  But it is horrible and it's also the same kind of thing. Now, I won't dwell on this because we talked about this, me and Joe, once on the podcast and we got the most complaints out of anything we ever talked about. But it's the same sort of thing. And this was sent into us by someone else. We didn't even invent this, although we related to it. It was like someone said, "My favorite homemade recipe is getting Ritz crackers and munching up the Ritz crackers into a paste."

• 27:00Speaker 04

  Ooh.

• 27:01Adam Buxton?

  And then putting the paste from the mouth onto another Ritz cracker.

• 27:07Adam Buxton?

  And then putting another Ritz cracker to make a sandwich.

• 27:11Speaker 04

  I get it.

• 27:12Adam Buxton?

  Of mouth paste.

• 27:14Speaker 04

  I get it. And I would put a bit of cheddar.

• 27:18Speaker 04

  Make that into a burger, put a bit of lettuce, pickle. I get it. Like, have you ever done the thing where you eat a salt and vinegar crisp and then eat a piece of chocolate?

• 27:28Adam Buxton?

  No.

• 27:28Speaker 04

  And then eat a salt and vinegar crisp. Anyone? Thank you, Liverpool.

• 27:33Adam Buxton?

  And then you could do that for your... If you loved someone, you could prepare them a sandwich like that. And that would be pretty special, wouldn't it?

• 27:43Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm. And it's been in my mouth.

• 27:47Speaker 04

  Already.

• 27:49Adam Buxton?

  Which is fine. I mean, superficially, it's horrible, but it's the same sort of thing as, again, on the radio show back on Six Music, the other thing that people got very upset with me about was saying that I used the same toothbrush as my wife.

• 28:02Speaker 04

  I've done it, but I don't like it.

• 28:06Adam Buxton?

  No, I've actually... I mean, I was shamed into no longer doing it by the Six Music listeners. But I did think like, what is... You know, we've had sexual intercourse. That's worse than brushing your teeth, isn't it?

• 28:21Speaker 04

  I think, to me, in my mind, it's because of bad breath. And I know there's obviously bad things that happen down there.

• 28:27Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 28:28Speaker 04

  But yeah, it's the thought of like an old crusty bit of bad breath going from her mouth into your mouth and back again and then being like, "But we're clean."

• 28:36Adam Buxton?

  We're halfway through the podcast. I think it's going really great.

• 28:44Adam Buxton?

  The conversation's flowing like it would between a geezer and his mate. All right, mate. Hello, geezer. I'm pleased to see you. There's so much chemistry. It's like a science lab of talking. I'm interested in what you said. Thank you.

• 29:07Adam Buxton?

  Now, we're gonna raise the tone in the second half of the podcast. We're gonna think about the implications of what's happening in your stomach. In a more abstract sense, a parenting sense. And we are also going to deal with some of the questions that the audience has supplied us with. First question here, "Do your children think you're a cool dad yet? How long do you think it will be until they do?" That's from Caroline. Frankie?

• 29:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're pretty cool.

• 29:42Speaker 04

  Aww.

• 29:44Speaker 01

  But you can be uncool here and there.

• 29:47Adam Buxton?

  What are my least cool moments?

• 29:50Speaker 01

  Just saying annoying, giving annoying advice. You know, just hammering away at just like condescending stuff.

• 29:59Speaker 01

  It's just like, stop.

• 30:00Adam Buxton?

  Alright, okay.

• 30:03Speaker 01

  It's a downer. Just be nice.

• 30:06Adam Buxton?

  Alright.

• 30:09Adam Buxton?

  This is about this morning, isn't it? The chat that we had this morning about, "He's going to Japan with his brother." And I said, "Well, you and your brother can both play an instrument. You should do some busking in Tokyo." "That's good. Why are you making that face?"

• 30:26Speaker 04

  Just don't live your failed dreams through him.

• 30:31Speaker 04

  Let him go to Japan.

• 30:32Adam Buxton?

  He's gonna apply for a busking permit.

• 30:35Speaker 01

  Right.

• 30:36Adam Buxton?

  And I've got the tour manager who's doing the tour managing, Richard. He's gonna help him to get a fucking busking permit. And you are gonna bust in Tokyo.

• 30:45Speaker 01

  I don't want to.

• 30:46Adam Buxton?

  Shut up, bust! Come back with a fun video of you and your brother busking.

• 30:52Speaker 04

  That sounds more like you wanna show your other parent friends like, "And my son basked in Japan." That's what that seems like to me.

• 31:01Adam Buxton?

  Yeah, maybe. He could do the song that me and Joe did when we were busking on our TV show in Japan.

• 31:09Adam Buxton?

  Wakarimasuka, wakarimasen, wakarimasuka, dokudesuka.

• 31:16Adam Buxton?

  It would be, there would be some circularity to it.

• 31:18Speaker 04

  Why don't you go to Japan and busk and leave your son alone?

• 31:23Adam Buxton?

  I'm working up- To it, that's the long term plan. All right, if you had twenty four hours left to live, Tash, how would you spend it? That's from Nicola.

• 31:34Speaker 04

  Oh, my God, oh, my God.

• 31:36Adam Buxton?

  Oh, that's a tough one. That's one of the big questions, isn't it? Do you ever watch those movies where the world is ending?

• 31:43Speaker 04

  Uh, yeah, not my favorite genre because I feel like it's ending all the time. So why go to the cinema to be like, yep, and I was right?

• 31:53Adam Buxton?

  Yeah, they stress me out really badly.

• 31:55Speaker 04

  I think I have actually, obviously, this is a question that often you think about like, oh, what would you do if you were given an hour left to live? I feel like it's so depressing that I just want to go to sleep. And just hope that it all just ended. Like, I tell everyone I love, like, love you so much. It's like, I don't want to stuff my face with my favorite food because then I'll just be bloated. And like, not able to fart, and it would just be uncomfortable. And then I'll be like, oh, what an uncomfortable way to leave. But just to sleep dignified, maybe put on some makeup. Go to sleep in a lovely white linen dress.

• 32:34Adam Buxton?

  Go to sleep. What about you could take a drug that slowed down time?

• 32:40Speaker 04

  Oh, hell, no. Because then what if everyone started speaking in slow motion and you'd be like, oh, I've tried this experimental drug, what do I expect?

• 32:50Adam Buxton?

  That would be a total nightmare, wouldn't it? You would slow down the experience of knowing that your life was about to end.

• 32:55Speaker 04

  But how far are you going to get? You're going to get to the airport, there's going to be a problem with security. You know, if you try and do anything, it could go seriously wrong. Get on the M one, that's gridlocked.

• 33:04Adam Buxton?

  Do you think security will have turned up for work that day?

• 33:08Speaker 04

  Oh, oh, sorry, I was thinking very narcissistically just about myself having twenty four. Everyone else, I've just been given a message by the government because I'm incredibly important. That I have twenty four hours left to live.

• 33:19Adam Buxton?

  Oh, I see, I see.

• 33:21Speaker 04

  Because I'm sort of the Messiah or something like that.

• 33:23Adam Buxton?

  And then you're going to be assassinated.

• 33:25Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 33:27Adam Buxton?

  Why does Rosie have so many cushions?

• 33:32Adam Buxton?

  That is where Rosie is right now, probably. On the kitchen sofa.

• 33:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, that is a lot of pillows.

• 33:39Adam Buxton?

  It is a lot of pillows, but I do like it. And a lot of those are embroideries that my mum made. And when I took delivery of all my mum's boxes of stuff, I just found these mountains of embroideries that she had done. And my beautiful wife got them made into pillows. It was one of the nicest things she ever did, yeah. And so I do like them being there. Cheers me up and it makes me happy, the thought that my mum's mad embroidery has a life in our house and Rosie loves it. So, say again?

• 34:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 34:17Adam Buxton?

  Hey, my mum. Thanks. She was a big Brexiteer, my mum.

• 34:33Adam Buxton?

  She really was, though. I mean, she is a lovely person, but one of the people that I got, this is not a joke, one of the people I got a card from after she died was Theresa May. Saying, "Thank you for all your help", with the Conservative Association. Still deciding how I'm gonna deal with that in the book. When you are a big happy family, will you have a pet?

• 35:03Speaker 04

  Yes, I would really like one, but I don't, I do think about getting a pet at the same time of having a baby, because then the pet will have to, will live for the whole, the child won't know, the child won't know a life without the pet. And then what happens when the pet dies?

• 35:22Adam Buxton?

  Yeah, but that's the whole, that's part of the point of the pet, is to give them an experience of

• 35:28Speaker 04

  Death.

• 35:28Adam Buxton?

  Death, yeah. I think it is. And this is no disrespect to our animal friends. I'm not saying that their lives are any less valuable than ours. I kind of am. But, you know, it's a sort of somewhat more manageable experience of bereavement, is the idea.

• 35:44Speaker 04

  No, no, it's good. I don't like the idea of getting an animal, though, thinking like, "Come on and die so this child learns a lesson." "When are you gonna fucking die?"

• 35:54Adam Buxton?

  Well, here's a question for you from Gareth Bird. How do you know when you've crossed a line? Tash.

• 36:01Speaker 04

  Me?

• 36:01Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 36:02Speaker 04

  Um, when I'm on one side of it and then there's a line and then I'm on the other side of it.

• 36:07Adam Buxton?

  Have you got in trouble with, uh,

• 36:10Speaker 04

  The law?

• 36:11Adam Buxton?

  spicy jokes?

• 36:12Speaker 04

  Have I got in trouble with spicy jokes? No, no, I don't think so.

• 36:16Adam Buxton?

  What about in your real life? Do you ever do jokes that land badly and people get upset?

• 36:23Speaker 04

  Never, because I'm so funny.

• 36:25Adam Buxton?

  Yes.

• 36:25Speaker 04

  No, no, I don't. How do I know when I've crossed a line? When you get a hot feeling at the back of your neck. Oh yeah, okay, I think this happens once in your life and it never happens again. And this did happen to me about a year ago. I said to a friend, nothing to do with me being pregnant, nothing doing anything. I said to, for some godforsaken reason, just blurted out, we were at some like house party thing, and I said, "Oh my god, are you pregnant?" And she wasn't, and she didn't even look pregnant. I don't know what the hell I was thinking. She was just wearing like a blouse. I was like, it was like an alien took over my head. And I've thought about that like three times a week since.

• 37:10Speaker 04

  And we're not as close, then I'll never make that. And I knew I'd crossed a line into the realm of the stupidest questions you can ever ask someone.

• 37:17Adam Buxton?

  And did you spend a while trying to clear up the mess afterwards conversationally?

• 37:23Speaker 04

  Such a big blouse.

• 37:27Speaker 04

  Honestly, she didn't look like she'd gained weight on her stomach, nothing. I don't know where it came from, it just was like a spider in my mouth. Just like, "Are you pregnant?"

• 37:40Speaker 04

  I don't know why I did it. And I knew I'd crossed a line into demented territory. And you get the hot neck, dry mouth, and the... Oh god, I think I'm going to go to the toilet now.

• 37:53Adam Buxton?

  Has anyone tried to put their hand on your pregnant belly since you've been showing?

• 37:59Speaker 04

  Doctors.

• 38:00Adam Buxton?

  Doctors, yeah. But people not-

• 38:02Speaker 04

  Perverts, those doctors, always trying to touch my belly.

• 38:05Adam Buxton?

  Like, sometimes, maybe this doesn't happen anymore because everyone got the memo, but sometimes people used to go up and think that it was okay to put their hand on a pregnant woman's belly.

• 38:14Speaker 04

  See, maybe this is controversial, but I don't mind it.

• 38:17Adam Buxton?

  I don't mind it.

• 38:17Speaker 04

  At all.

• 38:18Adam Buxton?

  I'm fine with it. Right, okay, well, that's interesting, so you're one of the people-

• 38:21Speaker 04

  I don't mind it so much. I mean, I guess, yeah, okay, look, if it was happening, I was walking down the street and people were just-

• 38:26Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 38:27Speaker 04

  I'd be like, whoa, but no, on the whole, I'm like, yeah, come on.

• 38:31Adam Buxton?

  Have a feel.

• 38:32Speaker 04

  Come on, it's weird.

• 38:33Adam Buxton?

  It is weird, when they, when they're kicking around there.

• 38:36Speaker 04

  And this baby's breach, so its feet are where my groin is.

• 38:41Adam Buxton?

  Oh.

• 38:42Speaker 04

  And it's kicking.

• 38:44Adam Buxton?

  Oh, that's no good. And, uh, yeah, another story that I remember from Six Music Days when I was doing some filming around then was, in a break from filming, one of the actors went up to one of the assistant producers, put his hand on her tummy and said, "Oh, when's it due?", and she wasn't pregnant. And she, it was, it just was so terrible.

• 39:12Speaker 04

  My, my oldest friends, who actually are from Wallasey, Merseyside. Yeah, they, uh, big shout out to the Wirral, their mum was a teacher and she, at our school, and she once went up to another teacher who just had some, it was like summertime, so everyone was wearing like more summery clothes, and went up to her and went, "Oh, Roseanne, how long do you have to wear them for?" And they were just normal, they were just sandals. But she thought they were like, they were so awful, they looked like orthopedic.

• 39:48Speaker 04

  "Oh, Roseanne, how long do you have to wear them for?" Just her shoes.

• 39:56Adam Buxton?

  That's a very good, good accent as well there, Tash.

• 39:59Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 40:00Adam Buxton?

  Speaking of accents, I enjoy accents, and I know you do too.

• 40:06Speaker 04

  I do, I do, and I'm enjoying it.

• 40:08Adam Buxton?

  Have you ever, though, done an accent in a serious attempt to pretend you were someone else out in public?

• 40:14Speaker 04

  Yes, yes, I have. I think, like, I have quite a sort of posh voice, which is, yeah, so I speak, like, I think I'm a bit of a posh, it sounds like a bit of a posh arsehole when I speak, so sometimes I will...

• 40:28Adam Buxton?

  I've never thought of you that way, I hope you don't mind me saying.

• 40:30Speaker 04

  No, well, that's nice, I don't want to be posh, I think it's annoying, but it's like, I don't know, I just remember listening to myself back when we did, like, GCSE music, and we had to make a song about ice cream, and my line was, "It goes in a cone," and all you could hear on this track was me going, "It goes in a cone, it goes in a cone," and since then I've been like, "Oh, God."

• 40:53Speaker 04

  Clearly I had a really good education that that's what we were doing at GCSE level, just a song about ice cream.

• 40:59Adam Buxton?

  It goes in a cone!

• 41:01Speaker 04

  It goes in a cone, ugh. Anyway, and yeah, so when I bought a car, an old, an old car, a second-hand car, before I could drive or had a licence, because the plan was get the car, then the lessons will come, then Covid happened and I didn't do the lesson, so I had this car that was really old and really cheap and kept filling with water, so I, we took it, we had to take it to various, different, like, car dealerships, and I would do a Cockney accent when I...

• 41:32Adam Buxton?

  What, do you mean just you would sort of dial down your natural accent?

• 41:36Speaker 04

  Yeah, just go, "All right, governor, it's our bloody VW, keeps filling with water."

• 41:42Speaker 04

  You couldn't, we're out, we're old mucker.

• 41:46Speaker 04

  To try and, because I think it's, you know, posh people are so instantly unlikable.

• 41:51Adam Buxton?

  Sure, who's your, can you do good impressions of real people? Who's your best impression?

• 41:57Speaker 04

  Oh, gosh, who is my best impression of a real person? Well, Cher? What is this chicken shit gig?

• 42:08Speaker 04

  Waggin' will wat tootie. That's from that film Cabaret, if anyone's seen it.

• 42:14Adam Buxton?

  That was quite good. I thought I could do quite a good Liam Neeson.

• 42:22Adam Buxton?

  Have a very particular set of skills. It was so good when I was doing it on the sofa the other night.

• 42:28Speaker 04

  It's always when you're on your own, like, yeah. I can do, Matt's voice is so like...

• 42:33Adam Buxton?

  Matt Berry.

• 42:34Speaker 04

  Sash, can you put on... Oh no.

• 42:39Speaker 04

  Because no, I do Matt Berry as Matt Berry, not Matt Berry as, you know, Stephen, his voice.

• 42:45Adam Buxton?

  Yes.

• 42:45Speaker 04

  But as him, he's just like, "Have you got any toilet roll left?"

• 42:51Speaker 04

  "I've got one roll, see me to the end now." That's actually how Matt Berry talks, huge reveal.

• 43:00Adam Buxton?

  Here's another question from the audience. Oh, well, this is a question about your dad.

• 43:07Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 43:07Adam Buxton?

  Although, this is just a question about his voice, from Ian, story. Can you do an impression of your dad? Can you do your dad's voice, Ian wants to know?

• 43:17Speaker 04

  I can do my dad's voice. "Hello darling." "Oh, you're on the stage, you're like, Mr. Backstan." "What is podcast?"

• 43:29Speaker 04

  "Can you put Dongle House on for me?", which is what he called Downton Abbey.

• 43:37Adam Buxton?

  Dongle House?

• 43:38Speaker 04

  Dongle House. And also, at Christmas time, always, "When is the Bishop of Dimblemead gonna be on?"

• 43:52Adam Buxton?

  Did he enjoy seeing you do live stuff?

• 43:55Speaker 04

  He did actually, yeah. He's, um, I, on, well, we've talked about this, he's got dementia now, so, um, he, so when I say past tense, he hasn't passed.

• 44:04Adam Buxton?

  He's with us.

• 44:05Speaker 04

  He's with us, just in a different, slightly different level. But, yeah, he did, he used to come and he was the loudest heckler in the room. And be like, "Tell us a good one, mate."

• 44:20Adam Buxton?

  Were you seriously?

• 44:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, honestly. Heck, and be like, "This is bullshit."

• 44:28Adam Buxton?

  Did you encourage him?

• 44:30Speaker 04

  I know, I just, he's such an unbelievably mad, amazing character that you just had to accept it. And I think everyone in my, in the audience, I would have to be like, that's my dad, ladies and gentlemen. But yeah, because I would like do sometimes jokes in Greek or as part of like a character I was doing. And there's this basically, even now with dementia and like he's lost so much of his, who he was, but even now I'll say this and he's like, "Oh bloody hell!" So if there's a Greek swear word, which is skada budana, which, like in Greek, I don't know if anyone else who has like, who knows other languages,

• 45:13Speaker 04

  I feel like certain languages, the insults are so horrific, they're so medieval, it's always like, "I hope that dog gives you a blowjob and gives you cancer on your dick." Like it's, they're so horrible. Anyway, and this is a very common, skada budana means a prostitute mixed in shit.

• 45:38Speaker 04

  So horrible. It's like way worse than like, "You prick, you bitch," you know, like, "You silly cow." So mean. And even now, if I say skada budana, he's like, "Oh bloody hell!" If I said that in the show, he'd be like, "No, bloody hell!" Like a mad witch in the audience.

• 45:57Adam Buxton?

  How's he doing though? I mean, are you like, is he aware that you're pregnant?

• 46:01Speaker 04

  I think it's so hard to know with Alzheimer's. I'm sure there are people in the audience that have been affected by it because it's such a horrifically common thing that happens to people. But there is, there's like, I try and take the hu, you know, there was definitely a part, a few times where he's been like, he thinks the baby's his.

• 46:24Speaker 04

  Which is like so dark and tragic, but you know, he's excited.

• 46:35Speaker 04

  He's so Greek, he's lived in England for so long, but yet he just gets Greeker. And like the other day, we were around there and I was like, does this, does the baby have a name? Does the baby have a name? And he just went, of course, Zachary. I've never heard him say that word before in my life. And he keeps calling, I think he thinks I might be a fishbowl. Cause he keeps saying, it's a fish. So it's fish gender. Very progressive, very progressive man. But yeah, he's, he's, it's horrific. I'm not making light of Alzheimer's.

• 47:11Adam Buxton?

  Of course, of course.

• 47:12Speaker 04

  It's like the most horrific evil illness ever, but I'm just blessed that he's still here and that he'll, he'll be here when I have the baby.

• 47:23Adam Buxton?

  Yeah. Absolutely.

• 47:26Speaker 04

  Sorry. Every time on your bloody podcast, Adam.

• 47:32Adam Buxton?

  Of course, it's a massive trigger, that kind of thing. There's so many things like that now that I have, now that I'm past a certain age and it doesn't take much to set me off at all.

• 47:43Speaker 04

  Oh God.

• 47:43Adam Buxton?

  And it's uncontrollable, like you can't, it's like a tap you can't turn off. It's so, such a weird feeling. I never imagined that I would be the kind of person that would be like that. I was watching Parenthood the other day, the Ron Howard film. And there was, there's about three or four bits in there that trigger me and I cannot do anything about it. I just start weeping.

• 48:05Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 48:05Adam Buxton?

  Sort of dad stuff and things like that.

• 48:08Speaker 04

  Yeah, I just think getting older is just getting sadder.

• 48:12Adam Buxton?

  It is, it is. It's managing a much deeper level of sadness and sort of making peace with it.

• 48:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 48:18Adam Buxton?

  And, and the process of doing that deepens an appreciation for the good parts of it.

• 48:25Speaker 04

  Yes, exactly.

• 48:26Adam Buxton?

  That's the compensation. Otherwise you would just think, fuck off.

• 48:30Speaker 04

  Yeah, totally, totally.

• 48:33Adam Buxton?

  Oh man, I want to give you some parenting advice.

• 48:36Speaker 04

  Please, please do, please do.

• 48:37Adam Buxton?

  Because I've been a parent now, well Frank, you are how old?

• 48:41Speaker 01

  Twenty-one.

• 48:42Adam Buxton?

  Twenty-one. And are there any bits of advice you would give Tash as a mum-to-be? For how to deal with her children? Are there any things that you think myself and your mum have done very well with you?

• 48:56Speaker 04

  Oh, Adam.

• 49:01Speaker 04

  Risky, risky game.

• 49:03Speaker 01

  Well, you're good at, you know, understanding the slip-ups when they occur and not being too harsh on me when I have encountered them.

• 49:16Adam Buxton?

  Yes. Understanding, don't go too hard on the punishment. Do you think you'll be quite an authoritarian?

• 49:24Speaker 04

  In my head, I'm gonna be, in my head, I'm like really strict and good and then in reality, I'm so lazy.

• 49:32Adam Buxton?

  But do you think you'll be, I feel as if you might be quite a good boundary setter.

• 49:37Speaker 04

  It's so hard. I mean, raising a human life. It's so stressful and scary. Like, a lot of my friends who've had babies were so scared about labour. I'm like, I don't care about labour, there'll be doctors there and medicine. It's the whole of the human life part.

• 49:54Adam Buxton?

  Yes.

• 49:55Speaker 04

  You could be making a furry. He could turn around and say, "I'm a furry."

• 50:06Adam Buxton?

  There's worse things than furries, Tash.

• 50:08Speaker 04

  No, there isn't.

• 50:11Adam Buxton?

  And what about things that you would advise Tash not to do as a parent that perhaps we have done?

• 50:19Speaker 01

  Oh, not to do, uh...

• 50:22Adam Buxton?

  Well, I suppose you alluded to it earlier, like...

• 50:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, just be nice. Just try and be as nice as possible.

• 50:28Adam Buxton?

  I'm nice!

• 50:33Speaker 04

  This is something that I always remember my mum doing that I don't wanna do is when you lose your temper with your kids, but you're naked.

• 50:44Speaker 01

  No, that's not happened, thankfully. That's not happened.

• 50:49Speaker 04

  My mum would do it all the time, like just before bed, when she was like getting a shower. She'd be furious, but her boobs would be like flailing around.

• 51:03Adam Buxton?

  Oh, man. Now, I don't think I've done that, have I? It's not like the end of Saltburn in Castle Buckles.

• 51:11Speaker 04

  That's what it was like in our house. You're as a child, even as a child, when you don't really fully understand like how embarrassed, because you're always naked, you're like, "Something's wrong here and I don't respect you."

• 51:28Adam Buxton?

  Wait.

• 51:29Speaker 05

  This is an ad for Squarespace.

• 51:32Speaker 05

  Okay, we'll return to the AI apocalypse in just a wee wee moment, but first I wanted to talk about Squarespace. Do you know about Squarespace, Steve? Uh, yes, Monty. I think I might even be a little bit more tuned into modern tech, websites, et cetera, than you. I don't know, just guessing. Oh, Steve, I love this dynamic. I'm old and conservative and you're young and progressive and that's what makes the Newswind podcast such great listening. But yes, you're right. I must admit, I didn't know much about Squarespace. But because my new grumble book, Hell in a Handcart, is out this month, and I look forward to getting enraged by that, so I should hope.

• 52:03Speaker 05

  Anyway, the publishers, Bluestar and Dogwhistle, made a beautiful website for the book using Squarespace. I know, I got the newsletter that you sent out using Squarespace and the website does look great. Videos of you airing your views, members' areas for your mad fans. You've even got a merch store, I see. That's right. The Union Jack top hat is a big seller. But they constructed it all so fast with Squarespace. They did most of it over one lunchtime, Steve. Well, you wouldn't want to spend much longer on it, would you? Shut up, Steve. But here's the thing. Anyone listening to this can start a free trial right now at Squarespace.com/boxton and see how easy and versatile Squarespace is. And when they're ready to launch a new website or domain, they can save 10% off their first purchase by using the offer code BOXTON at checkout. Right, well, maybe I'll visit Squarespace.com/boxton and start a new website just to refute all the nonsense in your new book.

• 52:47Speaker 05

  Oh, don't do that, Steve. I will. Oh, shut up, Steve. Uh. Shut up. Now, back to more depressing matters on Newswind.

• 52:56Speaker 04

  Continue. I didn't know what I was doing with my life until I heard this podcast.

• 53:10Adam Buxton?

  Hey, welcome back, podcasts. Tash Dimitriou talking to me there in Liverpool back in May of this year, 2024. Thank you so much, Tash. It was lovely to see her, as ever. While I remember, I want to say thank you very much to the people involved with that live podcast tour on that night. Ben Saunders, Richard Walsh, Anna Lisa Lembo. Matt was responsible for the video. Haven't got his surname. Apologies, Matt. Thank you very much, though. And thanks to everyone else helping from Cross Town Promotions and everyone at the venue who made us feel very welcome. It was good fun.

• 53:53Adam Buxton?

  Thank you very much indeed to Becker Briars for assembling that live audio as well. And while I'm saying thanks, I may as well say thanks to Seamus Murphy Mitchell. He was there for most of those live shows. He came over from America and it was lovely to have him there. Thank you, Seamus, for being there and sorting everything out and conversation editing on this episode as well. Much appreciated. Rosie, bit more chicken? How about it? Come on. Weekend treat. Look at this. Oh.

• 54:33Adam Buxton?

  Quite nice. I love you. Come on, Rosie.

• 54:40Adam Buxton?

  We're gonna head back soon. It's twenty-five past four.

• 54:45Adam Buxton?

  Coming towards the end of November. The sun is down. There's just an orange glow on the horizon. But it's a beautiful, clear evening. I can see the North Star. The other stars haven't come out yet.

• 55:01Adam Buxton?

  Before I go today, I have a voice note uplifting film recommendation from brilliant writer, actor, comedian, friend of the podcast, Jessica Knappett.

• 55:14Speaker 06

  God, it's been so long since I've sent a voice note via messages that I couldn't even remember how to do it. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to reply to you. In my defence, you haven't replied to me on WhatsApp, have you? You don't even know that that message is there. And you can keep all this in.

• 55:37Speaker 06

  Um, I think it might be too late now. I have one recommendation which will probably be made by everyone, which is Vacation. Vacation, not the original National Lampoon's, which I'm sure is a wonderful piece of art. I don't care about any of the originals because the most recent movie Vacation is the funniest movie ever made.

• 56:08Speaker 06

  And that's all I have to say on the matter. Enjoy your life. Love, Jess.

• 56:18Adam Buxton?

  There you go. That was Jessica Knappett. Thank you very much, Jessica. Recommending Vacation from 2015. Not a remake, but a new story in the Vacation universe. And I think Chevy Chase, who was in the original movies, pops up in this one. I haven't seen this one that Jessica's talking about. I did Google it. It's got very shit ratings and reviews. But I'm learning more and more these days that that doesn't necessarily have any bearing on the actual quality of the movie. Rusty Griswold, so he's Rusty is the Sun, right? From the original movies.

• 56:59Adam Buxton?

  He's grown up now. Takes his own family on a road trip to Wally World in order to spice things up with his wife and reconnect with his sons. Vacation is a 2015 American road comedy film written and directed by John Francis Daly and Jonathan Goldstein in their directorial debuts. They wrote Spider-Man: Homecoming and Horrible Bosses, and they also directed Game Night from 2018. I love Game Night. That's a really funny film.

• 57:33Adam Buxton?

  When Max and Annie play a harmless murder mystery game with Max's brother Brooks and some friends, things begin to take surprising twists and turns, as not all is what it seems to be. Starring Jason Bateman and Rachel McAdams, the cast is really great. Everyone is very funny in this film. Game night. Strong recommend. So anyway, fuck the reviews for vacation. What are you gonna go with? A recommendation from a comedy genius slash friend of the podcast in the form of Jessica Knappett or some randos on Rotten Tomatoes? Of course, you're gonna go with Jessica. Addendum, I'm just recording this back in my nutty room as I edit the intro and outro.

• 58:17Adam Buxton?

  I forgot to say when I was out with Rosie that Jessica has a podcast which I would like to recommend. She didn't ask me to plug it, but I suddenly remembered that she had it because I was on it. I recorded an episode with her as part of a live podcast I did with Jessica in York as part of my live tour show. So we doubled up and it was good fun talking to her about My Perfect Day. That's the name of her podcast, Perfect Day with Jessica Knappett. She digs into her guests' daily routines, bizarre habits, and most embarrassing moments as she explores how we spend our most precious resource, time. She's got lots

• 58:58Adam Buxton?

  of great guests on there. Brett Goldstein, Jameela Jamil, Aheer Shah, Kerry Pritchard McLean, Joe Lycett, Adam Buxton, Kyle Smith-Bino, Amy Gladhill, Nick Mohammed, Jamali Maddox. There's a Drifters reunion there as well with Lydia Rose Beulah and Lauren O'Rourke. That's the Perfect Day podcast with Jessica Knappett. Now back to my outro. All right, that's it for this week. I've said all my thank yous. Thanks to Acast as well. But of course, the thank you I haven't said is the one for you. Most important thank you. Sorry, I'm talking to you like a toddler now.

• 59:37Adam Buxton?

  You're not a toddler, you're a grown-up. Unless you are actually a toddler and you've just accidentally started listening to this. But if you are a consenting adult, come here. Good to see you. Alright. Stay warm, but stay cool.

• 1:00:00Adam Buxton?

  Until next time, take care, I love you. Bye!