Pod Insights My Brother, My Brother And Me MBMBaM 761: My Other Dad is a Helicopter About this episode Grab your hat, we're off to the races for a six-day-long horse-stravaganza! This time, we give even BETTER advice on sneaky juggling, goose attacks, and masonic unicorn shakes that are definitely going to stain the interior of your car for the next decade.
Suggested talking points: Temporal Pincer , Can I Cap Your Mo?, Vape Escape, Tapiopica Bubbles, Freaks for Goose Content
Center for Reproductive Rights: https://reproductiverights.org/
Transcript 10,355 words · 7 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Speaker 00 The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?
0:21 Speaker 01 It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has blossomed, it's rapid into a precious friendship.
0:33 Speaker 01 I could have never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach. My life, it feels like. Life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. My life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. This is true, ah, it's better, it's better with you. My life, ah, it's better with you.
1:10 Travis McElroy? Hello, everybody, and welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me, an advice show for the modern era. Oldest brother, Justin McElroy here, reporting for duty. What's up, Trav Nation? It's me, your middlest brother, Travis Vroom Vroom McElroy, here, also, I guess, reporting for duty. Welcome, welcome to the service. Oh, okay.
1:31 Griffin McElroy? This is Lieutenant Commander Sergeant Corporal Griffin, Bill Fortough McElroy, and, guys, I don't know about you, but on this, our year of turbo driving, I'm pulling a lot of horsepower today.
1:47 Travis McElroy? Oh. Wait, doesn't the horsepower pull you?
1:51 Griffin McElroy? I'm being tugged by a lot of horses today.
1:54 Travis McElroy? One can drive horses, right? What is it? You still drive? Yeah, but the horses pull you. I don't think, if you're pulling horses...
2:02 Griffin McElroy? No, they're pulling you. You're totally right. And I do actually want to stop my bit and just get into the semantics of who's tugging who? Who's tugging who?
2:11 Travis McElroy? Don't tug horses.
2:13 Griffin McElroy? Don't tug horses. Let them tug you. But the Derby happened this past weekend.
2:17 Travis McElroy? Oh, the Derby.
2:19 Griffin McElroy? I mean, we're recording this well before the Derby, but I gotta say, I'm sitting pretty flush, I bet.
2:24 Travis McElroy? You think you did good with your bets, your various bets?
2:26 Griffin McElroy? I like to think.
2:27 Travis McElroy? How much money?
2:27 Griffin McElroy? I like to think of them as investments in my shitty investments, maybe, is how I would say them. Bad investments.
2:36 Travis McElroy? I bet equally on every horse to win.
2:40 Griffin McElroy? That's cool. That'll at least get you your money back.
2:43 Travis McElroy? Yeah, so no matter what, I'm a winner.
2:46 Griffin McElroy? Worst case scenario, tie.
2:48 Travis McElroy? If you believe in multiverses, it's gonna hit for one of you.
2:51 Griffin McElroy? That's cool.
2:52 Travis McElroy? Or all of us.
2:53 Griffin McElroy? So, yeah, I took my kids' savings that they've been saving up at their part-time kid jobs. And I went to my horse guy. And I said,
3:04 Travis McElroy? Centaur. He prefers centaur driven.
3:06 Griffin McElroy? I said, what's the, what's the morning light odds on American Promise? And he got confused by the sentence for a second, because he was like, it's so bad.
3:15 Travis McElroy? I think all of us would right now if you said you were betting on America's promise.
3:19 Griffin McElroy? Betting on the future of America's promise. American promise.
3:24 Travis McElroy? Betting on, um,
3:26 Griffin McElroy? Is a bet. They say, they say the morning light odds, 30 to 1. So this is gonna be a big, big weekend for me, I'm thinking.
3:34 Travis McElroy? How much money did you put down?
3:36 Griffin McElroy? $200.
3:38 Travis McElroy? Oh, yeah.
3:39 Griffin McElroy? It's my children's. They don't have a lot of money. And I, but they said, how do we turn this into more money? And I said, I have the investment opportunity of a lifetime. It's, name is American Promise.
3:49 Travis McElroy? Can I speak on the Kentucky Derby for a moment?
3:52 Griffin McElroy? Oh, please. Please.
3:53 Travis McElroy? You have the floor. As a West Virginian, I'd like to speak for a moment on the Kentucky Derby.
3:58 Griffin McElroy? Go ahead. And, and, and, go off king.
4:02 Travis McElroy? Thank you. Dear Kentucky, it's me, Justin McElroy, from West Virginia, you know, right next door. Every once in a while, you guys like to pretend that you guys are fancy over there. There's the stuff with the bourbon where you're starting to act like that's really fancy. And then there's the stuff with the horses and the big hats. And every time the nation's eye turns back to you, you like to act like you're pretty fancy. And we just want you to know, Kentucky, we see you every day.
4:32 Griffin McElroy? We specifically.
4:33 Travis McElroy? Over here in West Virginia.
4:34 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
4:35 Travis McElroy? We see you every day. And over here in Ohio, by the way, we've got you flanked. Yeah, yeah. Ohio weighing in. You see Kentucky every day, right, Trav?
4:44 Griffin McElroy? Sort of temporal pincer on Kentucky you guys are putting down.
4:48 Travis McElroy? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And Trav, when you roll on over there to, what's on the, Covington? Covington, Newport. Does that feel a lot fancier than where you left on the other side of the bridge?
4:59 Griffin McElroy? More aristocratic, perhaps.
5:00 Travis McElroy? Bigger hats? That's, I, that's not necessarily the word I would use, Justin. Yeah, interesting, Trav.
5:06 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
5:06 Travis McElroy? And, and fewer horses, too. I think I see more horses here in Ohio than I see over in Covington.
5:11 Griffin McElroy? Sold a false bill of goods. You think you roll up on any city in Kentucky, it's gonna be equine in that shit. Um, but, but no dice most of the time.
5:20 Travis McElroy? All of Kentucky, holistically speaking, Mr. Bashir, I assume you're a listener. Uh, we see you. That's it.
5:27 Griffin McElroy? You can't just change the whole kind of like, identity of your state for other people who never really learned much about your state. Cause if you could do that, we could all, everybody in West Virginia could just start acting like robots. And then whenever people think about West Virginia, they'll think, oh, the robot state, which is an upgrade, I think.
5:44 Travis McElroy? A lot of this, I think, is coming from a place of jealousy, because West Virginia hasn't figured out how to do that kind of rebrand. And I think it's unfair.
5:52 Griffin McElroy? Sure.
5:52 Travis McElroy? That Kentucky kind of took. The home of podcasting never caught on. I tried. Yeah.
5:58 Griffin McElroy? Did our best. They went through so many state mottos, I thought we could sneak the home of podcasting in there, but no dice.
6:04 Travis McElroy? Hey, one of my favorite movie going memories was being in a West Virginia theater when Die Hard 4 came out. And there's a shot where they drive into West Virginia and you can see the welcome to West Virginia sign. And at that point, I believe the slogan was open for business.
6:17 Griffin McElroy? Fuck, yeah.
6:17 Travis McElroy? And that sign came up and everyone in the theater booed.
6:21 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. It's so good, man. That shit still goes down so smooth. No state has ever been brave enough to be like.
6:28 Griffin McElroy? Please, in their state motto, please.
6:31 Travis McElroy? Please, anything.
6:33 Griffin McElroy? Please.
6:34 Travis McElroy? But at least we're not like, things have been fancy here all the whole time.
6:37 Griffin McElroy? Exactly. We're owning it. We could use some help.
6:39 Travis McElroy? We love the horses and big hats and that's the whole deal here in Kentucky.
6:43 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
6:44 Travis McElroy? It's fancy. All the mint julep for me. It's so fancy here. We see you every day. You drive here, you drive over here. I see you every day. Okay? You're not fooling me. The Derby and the mint julep and stuff, that's your fancy sitting room in your house that you keep clean for company? We see the rest of the house all the time.
7:05 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
7:05 Travis McElroy? Is what we're saying. Griffin, who's favorite? Notice I'm not judging. Yeah. Should I see it?
7:10 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, we do see it.
7:12 Travis McElroy? Griffin, who's favorite to win, uh, that old Derby?
7:15 Griffin McElroy? I mean, this one coming in eighth post, we've got Journalism. Kick ass. Kick ass.
7:21 Travis McElroy? The horse's name is just Journalism?
7:23 Griffin McElroy? The horse's name is Journalism. This one's trained by Matthew W. McCarthy. Uh, three to one morning line odds. I mean, pretty, pretty good stuff. Pretty good stuff there. Uh, coming in not too far behind, we got Sovereignty. That's on a horse actually feels a little intimidating to me.
7:37 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
7:38 Griffin McElroy? Um, we got Sandman. Uh, name for Adam Sandler, actually. It's like naming the horse after Adam Sandler's nickname. Um, I mean, people are feeling-
7:47 Travis McElroy? Yeah, but if the horse is named Adam Sandler, I would be a little, uh, that'd be pretty good, actually. I think I would really like that. That would make me really happy.
7:55 Griffin McElroy? Then we start getting to a pretty big gap here of the quality of some of these ponies I'm seeing. Cause we got, uh, Grande, Burnham Square, Rodriguez, clocking in on 10, 12, 1. And then it's like, no one, and then it's like a bunch of snicklefritz. And the snicklefritz has the best names, which is the, the frustrating thing.
8:13 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
8:14 Griffin McElroy? I want to see Owen Almighty roll up on first, you know? I want to see Coal Battle win something.
8:20 Travis McElroy? Coal Battle?
8:21 Griffin McElroy? Coal Battle, like the-
8:23 Travis McElroy? Coal Battle?
8:24 Griffin McElroy? Coal Battle. Feels cool to say it. Admire Daytona, Japan. This one's from Japan, I guess. They had, they put it in the name of it, but it's called Admire Daytona, which is really good. No horse names are ever like, in the commanding sort of tense. You need-
8:41 Travis McElroy? That's true.
8:41 Griffin McElroy? You like this horse? Admire Daytona.
8:45 Travis McElroy? We need more interrogative horse names.
8:47 Griffin McElroy? Yes.
8:48 Travis McElroy? More questions.
8:49 Griffin McElroy? Yes.
8:49 Travis McElroy? Do you admire Daytona?
8:50 Griffin McElroy? Uh huh.
8:51 Travis McElroy? Ask her?
8:51 Griffin McElroy? Render Judgment? That's another horse name, without the question mark.
8:54 Travis McElroy? America's Promise?
8:56 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. Uh, American Promise, Travis. It's, it's not possessive.
9:04 Travis McElroy? Wow. Wow, you really, really opened my eyes, Griffin, made me think about, I don't own America prom- America, American Promise.
9:14 Griffin McElroy? All you need, all you need to happen, and this is what I, the great thing about horse racing dudes, is it's the great equalizer. Cause all you really need to hit it big is for one horse to run really fast. And that could happen for any reason at any time.
9:29 Travis McElroy? And all the other horses to not run as fast.
9:32 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, I mean, obviously that's important too, but you just need your horse to be the fastest one. So all you need, you make these outside bets, your horse might go super d- Do you know that you run the same speed every time you run? No, you probably have good runs and bad runs.
9:45 Travis McElroy? Oh, God.
9:46 Griffin McElroy? You might see, you might get, uh, you know, Rodriguez out there, and he might have the fucking run of his life. And then you're up $6,000.
9:54 Travis McElroy? You're rich. Or put all your money on it, think about all the money you could win.
9:58 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
9:58 Travis McElroy? There's no downside to gambling.
10:00 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
10:01 Travis McElroy? That's what they don't tell you.
10:02 Griffin McElroy? It's not even that the gambling thing, yeah, like, obviously there's lots and lots of downsides. This is just, you need-
10:06 Travis McElroy? Wait, what?
10:06 Griffin McElroy? There's, there's lots of bads, but like-
10:08 Travis McElroy? Wait, really?
10:10 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, yeah, like, really, but-
10:11 Travis McElroy? Oh, fuck.
10:12 Griffin McElroy? For this though-
10:12 Travis McElroy? I gotta make some calls. You can bet to lose.
10:14 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, this isn't-
10:15 Travis McElroy? I can lose?
10:16 Griffin McElroy? It's not-
10:17 Travis McElroy? Not to lose.
10:17 Griffin McElroy? You bet to lose. That's gone, but, and it's gone and it's bad. And you can get like, really, really into it. So it's like, not great, like, don't fuck with it, but like, knowing your personality, Travis, like, stay, stay, stay, uh, far, far away.
10:28 Travis McElroy? I bet the show.
10:29 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, but it's, okay, that makes sense.
10:30 Travis McElroy? I bet this show.
10:32 Griffin McElroy? It's not gambling.
10:33 Travis McElroy? On a horse.
10:34 Griffin McElroy? It's not gambling, you just need one horse to run really fast. That's all that it is, it's like a guess. It's like a guess saying, I, I think my horse is gonna run really, really fast today.
10:44 Travis McElroy? Okay, so I could still, we could still keep the show. Okay, that's good. What a relief.
10:49 Griffin McElroy? What would you, in this example Travis, was the show converted to a currency amount? And I would love to know what you think that number is.
10:57 Travis McElroy? Well, my friend Adam Carolla, who-
11:00 Griffin McElroy? Move on, Justin, start the show. Move on.
11:02 Travis McElroy? Move on.
11:02 Griffin McElroy? Move on and start the show.
11:03 Travis McElroy? This is an advice show. And before we get started though, I did want to talk about one other thing. And I know that sometimes we just get distracted by stuff. And I promise this isn't that. But did you guys hear about the guy they rescued from Mount Fuji?
11:16 Griffin McElroy? I, I did hear about the guy they rescued from Mount Fuji.
11:20 Travis McElroy? Oh, okay. Well-
11:21 Griffin McElroy? But Travis hasn't, so like you could deliver it to one of us and I'll just sit here with my arms-
11:26 Travis McElroy? Yeah, maybe this is-
11:26 Griffin McElroy? No, I'll just cross my arms.
11:27 Travis McElroy? Well, now I don't know what it is! Yeah, it's probably better that way. Oh my god, Justin! Trav, they rescued a guy from Mount Fuji. And I'm saying this as a guy because they haven't identified him yet for probably a good reason. This guy, Trav, he, he got rescued from Mount Fuji. Now that in and of itself is not that surprising, right?
11:46 Griffin McElroy? It's quite a hike.
11:47 Travis McElroy? Quite a hike up there, literally speaking. He's a 27-year-old university student. And the only thing that's interesting about him being airlifted out of Mount Fuji is that he had been, um-
12:03 Travis McElroy? He had been airlifted off of Mount Fuji five days earlier, Trav. What? Now wait, I know what you're asking. Justin, how could this happen? Well, Trav, oh man, he got rescued from Mount Fuji, but he forgot his phone-
12:21 Griffin McElroy? On Mount Fuji.
12:21 Travis McElroy? Get out of the town.
12:23 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
12:24 Travis McElroy? He forgot his phone on Mount Fuji. And so he went back to go get his phone at Mount Fuji.
12:31 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
12:31 Travis McElroy? And he was airlifted off after he, um, the first time he left because he lost his crampons-
12:40 Travis McElroy? And I know what you're saying, Justin. What? Yeah, you're the spiky things you put on your shoes to help you climb ice good? He lost them.
12:48 Griffin McElroy? Sorry, those are called what now?
12:50 Travis McElroy? Crampons.
12:51 Griffin McElroy? Cramp?
12:51 Travis McElroy? Crampons.
12:52 Griffin McElroy? Crampons?
12:53 Travis McElroy? Crampons.
12:54 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
12:55 Travis McElroy? They're called crampons. Cause you just cramp them on when you need them, you know? According to the story, he just lost them. According to the Nippon TV story, he lost them and he fell sick, so they came and got him. But then five days later, he's like, ah, man, I forgot my phone.
13:11 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, and went on back up for it. Now, what I do think is quite courageous is on that return trip to get his phone, that's pretty risky, cause if you don't at least make it to where you left your phone the first time, you're fucking dead, dude, cause you don't have a phone. I know exactly where it is. It's halfway up Mount Fuji.
13:27 Travis McElroy? Yeah. Can you imagine how, what a bummer that would be when you do like Find My Device? And you're like, it must be in the couch some. Back on Mount Fuji, oh, man. He did, the, the second time, by the way, it was a different student who just saw him. And he was like, this dude, he came back to town. He's like, hey, you remember the guy from before? No, no, no, he's back. You gotta get back up there. He's out there on the.
13:53 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
13:53 Travis McElroy? This is why I think the problem with airlifting people from dangerous situations.
13:58 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
13:59 Travis McElroy? You're not letting them learn from their mistakes. So now this guy believes that every time he goes to Mount Fuji because he's lost something.
14:06 Griffin McElroy? Literally.
14:07 Travis McElroy? They're just gonna airlift him out.
14:08 Griffin McElroy? Just a helicopter parent, quite literally. This is my, this is my, this is my other dad, a helicopter. He's always gonna get me out of any sticky situation I find myself in.
14:18 Travis McElroy? Uh, I do, I do think that, uh, it is not clear. Okay, it's not clear whether or not he did get the phone. So that is something that I will say right now upfront. If it turns out this didn't work, the three of us will go up and get it for you.
14:32 Griffin McElroy? I'd love to.
14:33 Travis McElroy? Please don't go up.
14:34 Griffin McElroy? Oh, my God, are you kidding?
14:35 Travis McElroy? Please don't go up again.
14:36 Griffin McElroy? So beautiful this time of year. I would love to go rescue a stranger's phone.
14:39 Travis McElroy? We did a pretty good hiking video. I don't know if you knew, but we're kind of good at hiking now.
14:43 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
14:43 Travis McElroy? And there's three of us, which I think increases our chances. Of living through it and getting the phone for sure.
14:49 Griffin McElroy? And listen, we don't have to get to the top. We just gotta get to the fucking phone. That's it.
14:53 Travis McElroy? How do you think the airlifting people would feel if like the three of us were going? And just one of us was done? And we were like airlift, just me. And then the other two were like, we're actually gonna keep going, but
15:04 Griffin McElroy? We're vibing.
15:05 Travis McElroy? You're on standby.
15:06 Griffin McElroy? What did you say? We're vibing. Take him to the hospital for sure, but we're on a vibe right now.
15:12 Travis McElroy? But be on standby.
15:13 Griffin McElroy? Be on standby.
15:14 Travis McElroy? Once we get the phone, we are gonna give you a call. We're not going back.
15:17 Griffin McElroy? My feet are super sweaty, so be ready to deal with that situation with a quickness, but do get him to the hospital.
15:24 Travis McElroy? Let's help people. Yes, finally. I'm a senior in college about to graduate with a degree in game design. Every year I've been in college, I've had at least one class with a particular professor who is somewhat infamous within the department. This professor used to be a professional clown, in particular, a juggler. Since he first mentioned this in my freshman year, I wanted to see this man juggle, but I can't figure out a way to make it happen without the danger of him thinking I'm intentionally interrupting class. Brothers, how do you get this man to juggle without making him think that it was, while making him think it was his idea? That's from craving clownery in Chicago.
16:00 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, man. The public persona that clowns have have kind of make random acts of clowning more rare in public spaces. And that's a real shame, this stigma.
16:12 Travis McElroy? Well, don't you think if the professor brought it out, you say, since he first mentioned this in my freshman year, I don't think you drop into casual conversation or into a teaching situation. I was a professional juggler and then think, I hope no one asks me to juggle. Have you noticed how many of your lessons revolve around four bowling pins? Mm hmm. There you go. That's he's begging for it. Maybe just sit in the front row of a class and be like, are you hungry? Orange. All right, here's another. Here's another. And now he's juggling.
16:46 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. He can handle it, too. There's, have you guys ever noticed that there's no such thing as like a bad amateur juggler? Anytime anyone tells you that they're into juggling, they're like, check it out with knives. Like, anyone who gets into this gets into it deep enough that they can do like the dangerous stuff. So he's gotta be able to handle whatever you toss at him.
17:04 Travis McElroy? I'd like to think, Griffin, that's a result of, I don't think anyone who's maybe tried to juggle twice goes to people and says, watch what I can do.
17:14 Griffin McElroy? I think I can.
17:15 Travis McElroy? So this person, just so I can track the chronology, went from being a Professional clown juggler.
17:22 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
17:23 Travis McElroy? To a game designer, to a person teaching game design. They must just be swimming in it, huh?
17:31 Griffin McElroy? Justin.
17:32 Travis McElroy? Just absolutely drowning in it.
17:36 Griffin McElroy? Like money? Yeah, can we just say yes to that? He's drowning in what he you're suggesting he's drowning in whatever he.
17:44 Travis McElroy? Whatever, whatever you fill in the blanks, alright?
17:48 Griffin McElroy? I don't.
17:48 Travis McElroy? Drowning in it.
17:49 Griffin McElroy? I don't wanna, man.
17:51 Travis McElroy? I don't want to, Justin.
17:52 Griffin McElroy? I know we're not supposed to say no and shit, man, but like, I don't wanna, dude.
17:56 Travis McElroy? You guys do. That's fine. That's fine. I'm just saying, it's just the truth of the.
17:59 Griffin McElroy? But we don't, but like, we don't know them, and you know that. So just saying that they're drowning.
18:04 Travis McElroy? That makes it better. If I knew them, I wouldn't say these things, these terrible things.
18:08 Griffin McElroy? That's true.
18:08 Travis McElroy? About people I know.
18:09 Griffin McElroy? Right.
18:10 Travis McElroy? Griffin.
18:10 Griffin McElroy? Fair point.
18:11 Travis McElroy? That would be rude.
18:13 Griffin McElroy? Oh.
18:14 Travis McElroy? You can't get better at throwing stuff at them. Like, you can't get better than everyone in the class throw five balls at them.
18:21 Griffin McElroy? But I can't just like.
18:22 Travis McElroy? But we can't have us out here saying on our show, throw stuff at this guy. Okay, then when he comes into class the next time, what's that on his desk? It's five perfectly placed bowling pins.
18:33 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
18:33 Travis McElroy? And you're all sitting perfectly, like attentive and ready.
18:37 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
18:37 Travis McElroy? But you're, again, that is gonna seem like a setup. He's gonna read that for what it is.
18:43 Griffin McElroy? Yes.
18:43 Travis McElroy? You've gotta make him think that it was his idea to juggle, you know?
18:48 Griffin McElroy? You come into the room carrying a big crate of apples. Uh, you're gonna have to do this a few times before you do what I'm about to suggest next, just to throw off any suspicion. You show up and everyone's like, there's old apple crates again, but this time you trip and the apples spill all over the floor. There's no fucking way. There's no fucking way he can resist that. You know he's gonna put some produce in the air.
19:09 Travis McElroy? Okay, okay, okay. You come in, here's your capstone, your senior project, right? You're you've been working on a game, a bowling game, right? And when the ball smashes in the bowling pins, they're supposed to go flying up in the air in all different directions. But you just can't get.
19:29 Griffin McElroy? The.
19:29 Travis McElroy? Image in your head, right, of how it should look. Yeah. How am I supposed to know, well, because I throw a bowling pin in the air, it comes right down. I don't even have time to register what a bowling pin in the air looks like. We have to take important gravity measurements for the video game.
19:44 Griffin McElroy? For the video game.
19:45 Travis McElroy? What am I supposed to do?
19:46 Griffin McElroy? Have a cut scene in your game where Osvarius, the great sorcerer, is, you know, trying to make his orbs. He's like, you know, balancing his orbs, but have the animation just be like, like not look like, look all fucked up. And then your teacher's gonna have to be like, that's simply not what it looks like to juggle.
20:06 Travis McElroy? You'll fail your capstone. That's, but that's the cost of doing this. You won't fail your capstone because what you're gonna do is say, listen, I've made this mocap suit.
20:15 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
20:16 Travis McElroy? It is black lycra and I glued golf balls to it. And I don't know how to make a mocap suit, but I made one and I'm gonna need someone who knows how to juggle.
20:23 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
20:24 Travis McElroy? So I can cap their mo.
20:25 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
20:25 Travis McElroy? Can I cap your mo? If you know what the camera setup is for mocap, that would be good too. It's like, just have the suit.
20:31 Griffin McElroy? I just assumed.
20:32 Travis McElroy? You just have to know more than the teacher. Like, as long as the teacher doesn't think that you don't know what you're doing, you're fine.
20:38 Griffin McElroy? I assume once you put the mocap balls on, the computer does the rest. That's my, that's my understanding.
20:43 Travis McElroy? Ping pong balls, the computers? No, guys, you got it all wrong. You don't have to do anything special upfront.
20:48 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
20:48 Travis McElroy? You could film anyone in any amount of ping pong balls and the computer will get that imposed.
20:54 Griffin McElroy? The computer, the computer will get it, don't worry.
20:56 Travis McElroy? It knows how to translate the ping pong footage.
20:58 Griffin McElroy? Into digital guys, yeah, for, for sure.
21:01 Travis McElroy? That's what Holy Motors is largely about.
21:04 Griffin McElroy? For the most part.
21:05 Travis McElroy? For the most part.
21:06 Griffin McElroy? Also, once you cap his mo, now you can watch him juggle whenever the fuck you want, huh? On your phone, you could pull it, you could have a little, little app that you make of your professor juggling. And you can turn him into Sephiroth, you could, you could do whatever you want.
21:21 Travis McElroy? Whatever you want, you have a mocap. And now it's a man versus machine who can juggle better. Where he's juggling against.
21:29 Griffin McElroy? No, this isn't a lot of. The man would do a better job, I think. There would be nothing impressive.
21:33 Travis McElroy? Much more impressive, I think. Seeing a computer program juggle on a computer screen versus a man doing it. There's a different level of like skill.
21:41 Griffin McElroy? It's like when a computer is good at chess, like, yeah, guys, for sure.
21:45 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
21:45 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, it can juggle the better than me, but I can do other stuff. I can love.
21:49 Travis McElroy? Whoa, guys, I just got an award in the mail. It's from the National Juggler Society of America. It's most improved, most improved discussion of juggling. So guys, we've really come a long way, they say. Like, it's very, they said, very tasteful.
22:03 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
22:03 Travis McElroy? And not as negative as normal.
22:05 Griffin McElroy? Awesome.
22:05 Travis McElroy? And it's a thank you. They say, thank you.
22:07 Griffin McElroy? Put that up against.
22:07 Travis McElroy? It said, I can see it from here, Justin. They love the part where you said, swimming in it.
22:12 Griffin McElroy? That's, they, yeah.
22:13 Travis McElroy? Yeah, we didn't get that part, because jugglers, but like, we love it. We love the bit, the whole bit.
22:19 Griffin McElroy? Go ahead and put that up next to the commemorative furry friend plaque that we were sent. For most, most improved, still not quite there.
22:29 Travis McElroy? That one was a pillow, Griffin. That one was a large pillow, so I can't hang that on the wall, but. I could put it next to the Spotify plaque we got sent that I accidentally used as a doorstop for a day.
22:40 Griffin McElroy? Uh, I don't.
22:41 Travis McElroy? Our awards, we've won for best ad read.
22:44 Griffin McElroy? All right, guys, this bit turns sad.
22:48 Travis McElroy? Bitter, there's a difference. Bitter, yeah. There's an act, there's an activation. I can wake up tomorrow with bitter. You know, bitter will get you going in the morning. Coffee's bitter, Griffin.
22:58 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, that's a good point.
22:59 Travis McElroy? You know?
23:01 Griffin McElroy? Uh, can we do the next question?
23:03 Travis McElroy? Absolutely.
23:06 Travis McElroy? I'm a teacher that just started a new part-time job with a company that tries to discourage kids and teens from vaping. I've been hired to help create instructional activities, specifically an escape room, that teaches kids the dangers. How do I make an escape room so good that the teens stop vaping? And that's from Christie.
23:24 Griffin McElroy? This is an immense opportunity for us, and I wanted to sort of recognize that and manifest that a little bit, that this is an enormous opportunity for us.
23:34 Travis McElroy? Thank you to the universe, I guess, for bringing this opportunity.
23:36 Griffin McElroy? Thank you to God and universe and Jesus and all of it, because the idea of being able to make a anti-vape escape room, vape escape, there's already, like, the name is kind of there perfectly. Like, it's really important for us to stick the landing on this.
23:51 Travis McElroy? I'm willing to bet that your bosses would frown upon the like, you have to vape a bunch. And you're trying to like, burn them out on it.
23:59 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
23:59 Travis McElroy? Right? Or it's like, oh, they vape so much that they don't ever want to do it again.
24:03 Griffin McElroy? How was the escape room? Um, well, I had to vape four whole.
24:07 Travis McElroy? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait. This is good. Guys, this is good. Hold on. You're so close to a breakthrough here. Okay. A lot of escape rooms don't have clues where you have to vape the puzzle. I'm saying lasers that you can only see in the vape. Right. Or like, you have to vape a cloud out to see. Yeah, that's really good. Or like, there's a, there, what's that chemical that's coming from the other room? You have to vape it quick to tell what it is.
24:34 Griffin McElroy? I mean, jokes aside, I think the three of us could sit here and within 10 minutes, come up with 30 genuinely pretty good ideas for how vape and vapor could be included in different puzzles.
24:44 Travis McElroy? But would the, would the participant leave with an overall negative impression?
24:49 Griffin McElroy? No, because we allow them to do a whole heist using nothing but a series of more powerful vapes.
24:55 Travis McElroy? Much like my hero, Solid Snake, vaping in all its many forms. Well, I never knew you could do it digital.
25:03 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. Um, yeah, I don't know how we, here's the thing, if they find out that we are trying to deliver any kind of message at all, it's done. It does have to be subtle. And so.
25:13 Travis McElroy? Could it be floor vents? Could it be floor vents? And it's like.
25:17 Griffin McElroy? Vaping out, vaping out the kids and they're.
25:19 Travis McElroy? No, no, no. There's floor vents that are vaping out like poison, but it's vape, right? But it was like pumping poison in the room. If you don't escape in 60 minutes.
25:27 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, yeah.
25:28 Travis McElroy? You sort of die. And you're in a giant lung. Okay, yeah, that's good. Giant lung and it's filled with vape.
25:35 Griffin McElroy? Cyber lung.
25:36 Travis McElroy? Um. A cyber lung? Is that what you said? I just feel like escaping from a real lung would be grody. So in my head, if it's like a, and it's also hard to make doors that would look like heart doors. You know what I mean? Or lung doors, like fleshy. So a cyber lung would be clearer. I think it would be easier if you had a rectangular door.
25:53 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
25:53 Travis McElroy? No one's going to be like, I don't have rectangular doors in my lung.
25:56 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, that's a good point.
25:57 Travis McElroy? Well, they're teens and our school system isn't great, so they don't know.
26:01 Griffin McElroy? I'm just gonna check in here and remind us that this is all based on a reality in which this company tells our dear listener. Yes, it's okay to make them vape a whole, whole, whole bunch to get our message across. It's okay to do it really, really, really, really hard.
26:15 Travis McElroy? That will be shut down early. That's a good point. Okay, then what about we go the opposite way and it's a super fun escape room with an amazing prize. But in the middle of the room, there's a single vape like on a pedestal and if anybody vapes once, you lose. I'm like failure.
26:32 Griffin McElroy? So you go to put the key in the door after having just solved the mirror maze. And you turn it and it just breaks and then a voice comes on and says, you're here forever because one of you vaped. You live here now and you'll never see your parents again.
26:43 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
26:44 Griffin McElroy? Cool. That could be.
26:45 Travis McElroy? But then you do let them out. You give them like five minutes to.
26:48 Griffin McElroy? Five minutes to really stew in that and then you can let them go.
26:51 Travis McElroy? I feel like requiring vaping is so tricky because obviously.
26:57 Griffin McElroy? Ethically.
26:58 Travis McElroy? Hugely effective. A tight, a real tight rope. Yeah, it's tough. It's tough. It is because you want to do, you know. You could have a vape experience where you're so overloaded with nicotine. You're like, I never want to do. I just feel so sick. Like the whole carton, you know, vapor carton.
27:15 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, that's what Travis is suggesting is, is.
27:18 Travis McElroy? Oh, but you're so tricky though, Trav. It is. I see your point and I love that. No, that wasn't my point.
27:24 Griffin McElroy? I see the point.
27:24 Travis McElroy? I learned that you want to make kids vape. Now, what if you had a specially formulated nasty vape? And you're like, this is what vaping is.
27:32 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
27:33 Travis McElroy? And anybody just tasted gross.
27:35 Griffin McElroy? You make it out of the stuff that Nintendo makes their cartridges out of.
27:38 Travis McElroy? Like, if you want, if you want to educate kids on the dangers of vaping, I think job one is. Find some, you know what I mean? I don't think that work's been done for you. Uh, I haven't seen the research that says it's bad for me at all. I love this stuff.
27:54 Travis McElroy? Yeah, Justin's like the caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland out here. The science is out on if it's good or bad to vape.
28:01 Griffin McElroy? Just can I just say?
28:03 Travis McElroy? Oils.
28:03 Griffin McElroy? Obviously, this whole bit and segment was necessitated due to the lawsuit that we lost against the Truth campaign. And so we did have to do this whole question, this whole segment. I do think they're gonna make us do it fucking again because of that caveat you've just added to it. So I just wanna say all the truth exists.
28:18 Travis McElroy? I can't help it, it's tough. But they, they had a, a check came from RJ Reynolds, like while we were doing it, that they wanted me to get back on board.
28:26 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
28:27 Travis McElroy? Maybe throughout just regular escape room, right? No vaping theme, but every so often, pictures flash up on the screen of really uncool celebrities vaping.
28:38 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
28:39 Travis McElroy? Hmm. And it's just, and it has nothing to do with the puzzles that are going on or whatever. Just a reminder of like, this dork vapes. You know what I mean?
28:48 Griffin McElroy? Something like that would be good.
28:49 Travis McElroy? Do you think that that would get the kids?
28:50 Griffin McElroy? They might look fucking cool, though, is the only problem.
28:52 Travis McElroy? Yeah, what if these, what if the kids are dorks and they see these dorks vaping and they're like, but they look cooler vaping than they do not vaping?
29:00 Griffin McElroy? I think any escape room is a vape escape room if, if the person doing it is discreet enough.
29:09 Travis McElroy? Hmm.
29:10 Griffin McElroy? They're probably.
29:10 Travis McElroy? Like maybe tuck their chin.
29:12 Griffin McElroy? Doing a little, doing a little. I see that sometimes at the movie theater. I see someone, and then just blue light shoots up all over their face. It's like, I see you cowboy.
29:22 Travis McElroy? I see you.
29:23 Griffin McElroy? I see you.
29:24 Travis McElroy? I see you, co-pilot. I saw that at Dave Matthews Band concert and they just lit up the room. It was like a, it was like a night sky in there. Well, that's because they were hitting him with all those follow spots when Dave took that huge, huge, huge fucking rip. Let's head on into the money zone. Let's get that all cleared up, yeah? Yeah, let's, yeah, let's get that worked out.
29:43 Griffin McElroy? The doctor gave me a sound to get it all wiped out.
29:57 Griffin McElroy? You can save time in a bottle.
30:00 Travis McElroy? Oh.
30:01 Griffin McElroy? And they aren't letting this secret out, but I'll air it out. You can harness the power of technology to capture your most special moments and put them in a bottle that you can use to relive and think about whenever you want to. It's called digital photography.
30:18 Travis McElroy? Wait.
30:19 Griffin McElroy? It's here and it's now and it's happening. And the best way to integrate this incredible, exciting new technology into your life or the life of a loved one, maybe an older loved one, or maybe a loved one who doesn't know how a lot of stuff is supposed to go. Aura Frames can help you with that. It's Aura Frames, a digital picture frame that you can load up with decades of family photos, maybe as a Mother's Day gift.
30:46 Travis McElroy? Hopefully your own, but they don't ask. You can put other people's family photos in there if you want.
30:52 Griffin McElroy? Give your moms a Aura Frame filled with pictures of families.
30:58 Travis McElroy? Candid. That are better than yours, maybe more attractive.
31:01 Griffin McElroy? Family photos, aspirational.
31:02 Travis McElroy? You can put pictures of anything. Like, I think you're limited, like, you could put pictures of, like, all the different Burger King logos throughout the years and they're like on a scroll, like, whatever. Pictures of your mom's favorite celebrity vaping, whatever you want.
31:15 Griffin McElroy? That would be so cool. Aura has a great deal for Mother's Day. For a limited time, listeners can save on the perfect gift by visiting auraframes.com to get $35 off plus free shipping on their bestselling Carver Matte Frame. That's A U R A frames.com promo code mybrother. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply.
31:35 Travis McElroy? I want to tell you guys about Fast Growing Trees. Anybody who's seen the video of me recording knows that I love plants and I like gardening. And I got a red bud tree from Fast Growing Trees, planted it, and this is no shit. Within two weeks, there were blooms on it.
31:54 Griffin McElroy? Gosh, wow.
31:55 Travis McElroy? And it's absolutely thriving. And I loved it so much that I went back and ordered a Meyer lemon tree.
32:01 Griffin McElroy? Wow.
32:01 Travis McElroy? To grow in my office, which is basically getting, is arriving anytime today in the next two hours and I'm so excited about it.
32:09 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. Because you'll have lemons, like, just there, like, whenever you want one or need one. You'll always be able to see them.
32:16 Travis McElroy? I'm thinking of like, starting an empire. We'll see.
32:19 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
32:19 Travis McElroy? Because when life gives you lemon trees, make lemonade trees. That's what I always say.
32:25 Griffin McElroy? Wow.
32:25 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
32:26 Griffin McElroy? Do you also sometimes say the ad copy?
32:29 Travis McElroy? Yeah, I'm doing it right now. You keep talking. Um, they have all kinds of plants. They're not just trees, uh, flowering stuff. They got, uh, shrubs, bushes, anything that you need. Uh, plus they've got trained plant experts, um, that can help you plan your landscaping, all kinds of stuff. There's really great, uh, information about like what area you live in and what would grow well there. Um, it, it's easy to choose, uh, from their huge selection. And this spring, they have the best deals for your yard up to half off on select plants and other deals. And listeners to our show get 15% off their first purchase when using the code MYBROTHER at checkout. Now's the perfect time to plant. Use MYBROTHER, all one word, to save today.
33:14 Travis McElroy? Offer is valid for a limited time. Terms and conditions may apply. Who's ready for some science?
33:23 Speaker 04 With sources and nuance.
33:27 Speaker 04 And some funny jokes from me. And some funny jokes from me.
33:33 Speaker 05 Let's learn everything we learn about science and a bit of everything else, too.
33:37 Speaker 01 From super heavy elements to super heavy pumpkins.
33:39 Speaker 04 From quantum physics to the history of swearing.
33:42 Speaker 05 As well as special guests like Tom Scott and Hank Green.
33:45 Speaker 04 And some funny jokes from me.
33:47 Speaker 01 Me, Caroline Roper.
33:48 Speaker 05 Dr. Ella Hubber.
33:49 Speaker 04 And Tom Lom.
33:50 Speaker 01 So join us next time where we will learn about Everything. Hey, are you playing a video game right now?
34:01 Speaker 06 Maybe you put on a podcast while grinding in an RPG. Or maybe you just don't want to hear that boss fight music one more time. Been there. I'm Maddie Myers. I'm Jason Schreier. And I'm Kirk Hamilton. We're the hosts of Triple Click, a video game podcast. A podcast you can listen to while you do other things. Like driving or cooking or playing video games. On Triple Click, we share our thoughts on the latest games. And breaking news out of the video game industry. And we also talk about other stuff besides games. So while you're doing something else, make sure to check out Triple Click. Listen.
34:35 Travis McElroy? On maximumfun.org or wherever you find your podcasts.
34:48 Travis McElroy? I want a munch squad.
34:52 Travis McElroy? I want a munch squad.
34:54 Griffin McElroy? What's that genre, man? Is that Zydeco? Assajaz.
34:57 Travis McElroy? It was like blue? No, it was like bluegrass.
34:59 Griffin McElroy? It's Zydeco jazz.
35:00 Travis McElroy? I heard banjo in there.
35:01 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
35:02 Travis McElroy? It's Zydeco, bluegrass, kind of a vibe. It's more a vibe than notes.
35:06 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, cool.
35:08 Travis McElroy? More vibes than notes. Hey, listen, I want to tell you one quick thing before we get into the bulk of the, the new, the bigger story. Because this is just. J and J snack foods enhances super pretzel recipe. Wait.
35:26 Travis McElroy? And they just say that, like, hey, you know, super pretzels? We are just gonna make them.
35:32 Griffin McElroy? Different.
35:33 Travis McElroy? What's a super pretzel?
35:34 Griffin McElroy? Travis.
35:35 Travis McElroy? Travis. You've embarrassed yourself again and your family. No, I guess I'm just more of the land. I like my pretzels just normal, salt of the earth, salted pretzel. It's just a normal. When I, when I show you this press, like. Oh, okay. Yeah, no, I know. I know exactly what this is. Okay. Okay, so like super pretzels? They're just making them better in BD. Like, we're just like.
35:57 Griffin McElroy? That's cool. That's cool that a company can do that. Like.
35:59 Travis McElroy? Yeah. And here's the, here's the paragraph. And you know what they did for this? This, this, this gets one paragraph. And here's what it is. J and J snack foods has enhanced its super pretzel recipe for an upgraded flavor, softer texture and great taste even when held in warmers.
36:15 Griffin McElroy? Yep.
36:16 Travis McElroy? The new taste and easy prep makes super pretzel an easy sell. Ideal for grab and go occasions, the new super pretzel recipe remains delicious even when held in warmers, reducing labor. This new recipe will start being produced in June and will be available to serve late summer with existing GTIN order numbers. Period. End of press release.
36:36 Griffin McElroy? It's better now.
36:37 Travis McElroy? This is something that matters. Okay? This is something that what this means is that come July or August, you're gonna go to the ball field and you're gonna have a super pretzel. You're gonna be just a little bit happier.
36:50 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
36:50 Travis McElroy? That matters.
36:51 Griffin McElroy? That matters. That you never, we never get shit like that.
36:54 Travis McElroy? We never get that. It's very rare for a company to be like, listen, man, we took a long, hard look at ourselves in the mirror.
37:01 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
37:01 Travis McElroy? And we realized we weren't, we weren't doing as much as we could on this.
37:05 Griffin McElroy? You, you're telling me you liked those pretzels? Cause even we, even we knew they were dog shit and you liked them?
37:15 Travis McElroy? My dusty old grandfather started serving those to idiots in the seventies. Okay?
37:22 Griffin McElroy? But they're legit.
37:23 Travis McElroy? Dusty old pretzels, you're the idiot now.
37:25 Griffin McElroy? We're on some new shit now, though. The best day to enjoy a super pretzel is not yesterday when they were bullshit. Now they're so.
37:34 Travis McElroy? And we added a third hump. All the other pretzels out there got two humps. We put a third hump in the middle.
37:40 Griffin McElroy? Third.
37:40 Travis McElroy? Same price. If previous May's and June's are any indication, I will be enjoying at least three to four super pretzels in the next two months.
37:51 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
37:52 Travis McElroy? And I'm gonna be, I think, hindered by the fact that I know I'm eating an inferior product.
37:59 Griffin McElroy? Shitty pretzel, yeah. Before the glow up. Did they say at all what they're doing? Like to make it?
38:05 Travis McElroy? Make it better. It's better. I mean, like that's, here's what I love. They're pretzel makers. You're a pretzel eater. You do not need to worry about it.
38:14 Griffin McElroy? That's true.
38:15 Travis McElroy? You know what I mean? Like, don't worry. From the eating experience, it will improve. And Griffin, if you happen to be a distributor of super pretzels, they're gonna be less in your holder a little bit.
38:24 Griffin McElroy? Great news. This one's for the fans and the small business pretzel retailers.
38:29 Travis McElroy? You do not need to up, update your profit, your product orders. The numbers are the same.
38:35 Griffin McElroy? What are we gonna do? Write two press releases? One for the consumer and one for our vendors? No fucking way, man.
38:42 Travis McElroy? If you get new super pretzels and you still have old ones in stock, send them to us so they can be destroyed. What? Please.
38:49 Griffin McElroy? Uh, humanely.
38:51 Travis McElroy? This is also the kind of an Emperor's New Pretzels where if I was a pretzel company, I would put out a press release once a year with no detail that just says, yeah, we're making them better now.
39:04 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. I mean, we're joking. Domino's did do this. Domino's did do this effectively, maybe a decade or so ago at this point, where they ran commercials just like, hey, we get it. It fucking sucks. It's no good.
39:17 Travis McElroy? Wendy's fries did it not too long ago. Carl Laredo owned the fact that Wendy's fries are trash and they're gonna try again. What I'm saying is then not change a damn thing about it. So then somebody goes and eats a pretzel in July and they're like, yeah, I can taste it. It's so much better now.
39:34 Griffin McElroy? Also Wendy's, maybe take one more stab at it. Maybe take one more run at it. You got, you got closer, but not quite.
39:40 Travis McElroy? I will say they were good for a little bit after you changed it. Now you're kinda.
39:43 Griffin McElroy? Slipping, touchy slipping Wendy.
39:45 Travis McElroy? Got too many robots making them maybe? I don't know. Yeah. So that gets one paragraph and it will increase the overall joy of the human race by some percentage point. It's not a big one, but it's, it's a micron of one, you know, whatever. Meanwhile, Sonic is releasing a unicorn dreams slush.
40:05 Griffin McElroy? You're fucked dude.
40:06 Travis McElroy? And I'm gonna show you what that, what that looks like. It says, fuck you, Justin. Get ready to come here eight times is what it says here in small print.
40:15 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
40:15 Travis McElroy? Shit, Jay man. We hate your fucking guts.
40:17 Griffin McElroy? You're gonna smell this.
40:18 Travis McElroy? Come here 80 times.
40:19 Griffin McElroy? You're gonna smell this pink slime in your dreams, dog.
40:21 Travis McElroy? You might as well take it and put it in the go cli- by and large, climb in the back of your big, beautiful Honda Odyssey and dump the whole fucking thing out on the ground. Cause that's what you're gonna have in there. What this drink makes me think about, uh, is my child and both of them, how they theoretically like the idea of like these little, well like tabby hookah bubbles in their drink. And then when faced with the reality of it, they detest it. This is what it looks like. So you guys can see the. That straw is ineffective. It tavers at the top. There's no way one of them tabby hookah bubbles are making it up there. We're gonna talk about the tapioca.
41:02 Griffin McElroy? This is not me laughing because you said the word wrong, Travis. It's me laughing because the way you said it was like so cute.
41:07 Travis McElroy? I love that. Thank you. Yeah, we only laugh at the way Justin says stuff. The Sonic Drive-In is ready to transport fans to. Excuse me. A transport fans to a world of whimsical whimsical wonder with its newest, most wonderful creation yet, the unicorn dream slush. Prepare to be enchanted as a limited time slush arrives at Sonic Locations Nationwide on May 5th. But those eager for a little extra sparkle can unlock early access through the Sonic app starting today, April 28th. So if you order them before that, they're gonna be like, how did you know? Who told you?
41:41 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
41:42 Travis McElroy? That's only available through the app. The vibrant pink cotton candy slush is swirled with blue raspberry flavor bubbles. Top with a fluffy cloud of whipped topping and a sprinkle of shimmering pink cotton candy sugar crystals. With every sip, a little bit more enchantment fills the air. Your kid's vomit is gonna look so beautiful later, guys.
42:04 Travis McElroy? There's unicorn horn straws free with every unicorn dream slush, starting May 5th, while supplies last.
42:12 Griffin McElroy? Okay, not legit unicorn horns, though.
42:15 Travis McElroy? No, that's illegal. Now, thanks, Biden, but. The the straw itself is tapered. Right. To the top.
42:25 Griffin McElroy? You ain't getting boba through that. No way.
42:27 Travis McElroy? No, no boba. No boba.
42:29 Griffin McElroy? No boba. No boba, no boba.
42:31 Travis McElroy? No boba bubbles. No boba bubbles.
42:33 Griffin McElroy? I also love that they got their own spin on boba pearls. Like, it's probably the same thing, but you call them flavor bubbles for the folks who think they don't like boba pearls.
42:43 Travis McElroy? Yeah, these are flavor bubbles. Fans are invited to share their own wishes and whimsical moments inspired by the legendary wish awakening unicorn horn straw by visiting hashtag wish sip believe on social media.
42:56 Griffin McElroy? Wish sip believe?
42:57 Travis McElroy? Wish sip believe. Can I get a quick check from my lead CSI researcher, Griffin McElroy? Pretend I've pulled up to your computer. Griffin, what do you got on this hashtag wish sip believe?
43:09 Griffin McElroy? Uh, oh, wow. This is actually a breaking news story. It's a friend of the show Liz Gilbert's next book. It's I'm fucking stoked for this one, dude. Yeah. And the secret this time is to make a little wish and then you have a sip, usually of a Sonic slush, and then you just kind of wait. You just kind of wait.
43:24 Travis McElroy? Did you say a masonic slush? Because yes, Griffin, now we're talking. Okay. Drink from the masonic slush and let Liz Gilbert shepherd you to fulfillment.
43:35 Griffin McElroy? They produce it in the light of the full moon at your local chapter.
43:39 Travis McElroy? Everyone knows how you make a masonic slush, Griffin. You don't have to go into it. Ha, uh, here's a quote. We developed the unicorn dream slush to be more than just a drink. It's a money maker. Sonic pledge. To devote your life. No, it's an entire culinary experience. Oh. Bursting with fantastical fun and flavor in every sip, said someone from Sonic. With its playful pink colors, blue raspberry flavor bubbles and the accompanying unicorn horn straw, it is a treat for the senses and the imagination and guaranteed to make every moment sparkle. You know what else? As always, I'll remind you, if, if, um, your Sonic beverage sends your imagination spinning
44:21 Travis McElroy? with delight, you should probably go outside more, look at a river, anything. Yeah. Anything at all. Culinary experience. Culinary experience is such a fun thing to use as like a thing to be striven for because you know what else is like a culinary experience? Finding a piece of glass in your hamburger? Like, that's a culinary experience. It doesn't mean good. This expands it, though, Travis. So when my kids intentionally upend this $18 drink in my big, beautiful Buick, they'll say, no, no, no, we weren't supposed to drink it, Dad. See, this is all part of the experience.
44:57 Griffin McElroy? It's a fun mess. It's, we make these sometimes.
45:00 Travis McElroy? Fun, fantastical mess. We're like the river queen fairies of the mess. Anyway, you get the idea. And you'll be able to smell it in the interior of your car for the next two years. This, it's all a sensory experience. Be living with it. Uh, yeah, Cooper has been enjoying an Easter bunny that she left in the backseat for a week. And then we had a hot day and I saw her dip her finger into the puddle and thought, hey, I'm gonna clean that out. It's, it's time. Not her emergency rations. I know. Yeah. Uh, sorry, Coop. Uh, how about another question, guys?
45:34 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
45:35 Travis McElroy? We have time?
45:36 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
45:37 Travis McElroy? Helps me else. I was having lunch outside today when someone came out to eat as well. I work at a large hospital, so I never met this person. I was sitting on a bench further away, but this other individual sat at one of the tables that are near a very obvious goose nest. The goose nest has been there about a week. You've really been paying very close attention to this. Congratulations. I've tried to sit as, as those tables since the goose nest has appeared, but one of the geese got mad, so I don't sit there anymore. When this unknown coworker sat down, the goose got mad. It flew at them and started honking and hissing, and the coworker started running around and yelling, but the goose kept chasing. The coworker.
46:14 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, this part is where it crosses, it does cross a line.
46:19 Griffin McElroy? You all right?
46:20 Travis McElroy? The coworker yelled, "Help and get it."
46:24 Travis McElroy? "Help, get it, get it." At one point they tripped and fell over.
46:30 Griffin McElroy? Oh, fuck, man.
46:31 Travis McElroy? I was the only other person around. I was watching the incident, but it didn't really occur to me that they were yelling for my help. I don't know what I could have done to improve the situation. Eventually other people came out and ushered the employee back inside. What's my responsibility in this goose attack? Should I warn people in the future to just not sit there? And that's from troubled in Tulsa.
46:53 Griffin McElroy? No, can't do that. That's too much to put on you because if you start, if you become the Batman of this bench, just to make sure, no, don't do it. That goose will go fucking crazy on you. That is not something that you're going to feel super comfortable saying to a bunch of different people. It shouldn't be your job.
47:09 Travis McElroy? You're right. You shouldn't have to make the people afraid, Griffin. You should have to make the geese afraid. Good luck. The geese need someone who says, hey, if you step out of line, if you come at humans, there's someone watching the humans.
47:22 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
47:22 Travis McElroy? I understand, Justin. You need a goose costume of your own to be a bigger goose to establish dominance. Travis, exactly what I was heading towards. Thank you. You read my mind. Yeah, I get it, man. Bigger goose.
47:38 Griffin McElroy? I'd swear on a stack of bibles, we just did another goose based, work based sort of experience.
47:43 Travis McElroy? Did we say in there something about like having your own drobbit tailor goose that shows up to protect you from other geese?
47:49 Griffin McElroy? Rachel, could we just play whatever we said for that goose based, work based answer? Cause that would be like, if we could just coast on that for a minute, I'm sure what we said then was funny.
48:01 Travis McElroy? The problem is, you're worried about making amends with the goose.
48:05 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
48:06 Travis McElroy? Maybe everyone else has established goose dominance.
48:09 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, yeah. How do they do that?
48:10 Travis McElroy? Head bunk.
48:13 Griffin McElroy? That does seem like maybe the only thing a goose would understand.
48:16 Travis McElroy? Yeah, you're not gonna be able to like show your goose your bank account and they're like, whoa, man. Real high earner.
48:21 Griffin McElroy? Sit them down, show them pictures of your kids, like, I'm happy, I'm totally satisfied with my life. And the goose is like, damn, you got it all figured out, Reggie.
48:28 Travis McElroy? Man, I wish I was you.
48:29 Griffin McElroy? Shit, dude.
48:30 Travis McElroy? Maybe you're the lucky goose.
48:36 Travis McElroy? How much, how much can we charge freaks for an all goose episode of this show? Cause I feel like you could stitch together a very, very high quality. Sponsored by Grey Goose, vodka, or Ryan Gosling.
48:50 Griffin McElroy? Early in this series, I also remember, we talked a lot about like,
48:56 Griffin McElroy? like making love with a goose, like how cool.
48:58 Travis McElroy? Tender, like, yeah, tastes cool.
49:00 Griffin McElroy? And like, thinking about it now, it's like, why would I say that? That seems like a wild thing to say.
49:04 Travis McElroy? You weren't a father then.
49:06 Griffin McElroy? I wasn't a father then, um.
49:08 Travis McElroy? It does occur to me that with 600, uh, 761 episodes under a belt, we could make clip shows an hour long themed around any topic. I bet that you could think of, we could pull things where we talked about that.
49:21 Griffin McElroy? The Grinch.
49:23 Travis McElroy? Oh, yeah. Grinch, hour long Frasier Sode, I mean, like, yeah, absolutely.
49:27 Griffin McElroy? Six day long horse, horse extravaganza. That's possible.
49:32 Travis McElroy? When they were saying, help, get it. Now, they were under, they were under duress. We can agree on that. Okay, Travis, yeah, these are two different moments, right? Help, help you might yell at any time without really thinking about it, right? That's, that's impulsive. Get it is like, is where the, the mood is shifting. Get the goose?
49:53 Griffin McElroy? It's a, it's a violent request. It's like, do, you have to use your body to get it, get it. I can't get it.
50:01 Travis McElroy? I can't get it. It's, it's, attentions are on me. My ability to get it is nil.
50:06 Griffin McElroy? I'm too scared. I'm too scared to get it. I need you to be brave and get it right now.
50:12 Travis McElroy? That's incredible. Like kill it or just grab it?
50:16 Griffin McElroy? Squeeze it, buy it, lift it, now upgrade it.
50:20 Travis McElroy? It's incredible power of geese is they can make people forget that kicking exists. Because if you have the power of kicking, no goose can stand against you. It's just that you don't want to kick a goose. And that's very good. This is my theory, Justin. The goose is intimidating psychologically.
50:36 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
50:36 Travis McElroy? But not physically in such a way that you would feel good about doing damage to it.
50:42 Griffin McElroy? Listen, listen, a hot shot over here who doesn't have a goose actively attacking him in this moment. If you did, your tone would be different, I bet. You wouldn't be like, you're not so sk- you're not so tough, Mr. Goose.
50:53 Travis McElroy? No, no, no. I'm saying I would be terrified of a goose chasing me, right? But if I get home from work that day and I walk up to my beautiful wife who has to love me because we're married and I say, baby, guess what I do today? Kick the goose in the fucking face. She's not gonna cheer for me.
51:09 Griffin McElroy? No.
51:09 Travis McElroy? If that person said, get it, and you ran over and absolutely punted that thing. I mean, housed it, shook that bad boy 20 yards. Is that person gonna look at you like, thanks, chief? Are they gonna look at you like, you fucking psychopath?
51:26 Griffin McElroy? That's, and you said, you said get it. When you said get it, I thought you meant shank it 20.
51:32 Travis McElroy? What? What'd you think I was gonna do with it? What if, what, my, okay, maybe there's a subconscious fear in all of us that we'd run up to punt the goose, kick it, make contact, and it would maybe budge an inch and then just turn and look at us as we backed away rubbing our now sore ankles. I think my greater fear, Trav, is that it would not move, but my foot would just bury the chest of the goose, just exploding it. Like I would just feel it's avian boats shattering around my foot as the wound began gushing goose blood. Everywhere. And the cops show up. Yeah, show up. They're like, he said, get it. He's responding. He's an accessory.
52:16 Travis McElroy? He said, get it. He knows I'm on a short fuse. And then you gotta go to Randy Johnson's support group. Yeah. Talk about like, I didn't think that would happen to the bird. Whenever Randy Johnson had the ball the time, like, you're not gonna get me. There's no way. No way. I can't, I can't do it again.
52:31 Griffin McElroy? He was so good at pitching. He would get bored on the mound. So he was like, let's see if I can hit that bird.
52:34 Travis McElroy? Oh, fuck. Now we could do an episode about Randy Johnson.
52:38 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, put a quote in the Randy Johnson blowing up a bird jar.
52:43 Travis McElroy? I think maybe have Randy Johnson show up to talk to the bird.
52:47 Griffin McElroy? They have to know. Yeah.
52:49 Travis McElroy? Hey, folks, thank you so much for listening to our podcast. We hope you've enjoyed yourself. Uh, thank you to everybody who came out and saw us at the Harmony House Ren Fair last weekend. Presumably that all went off without a hitch. We're recording it beforehand, so I don't know, but I hope so. Thanks for coming if you came out. We have some new merch, really exciting. Never had anything like this in our store before. We've got some flaming, not poisoning, raging tea of doom. A spicy caffeine free tea, uh, in collaboration with Good Store Tea.
53:18 Griffin McElroy? I've got some of their tea. It kicks ass. I'm so excited for this collab. I'm so excited for this tea.
53:23 Travis McElroy? And a Play-Doh's rave 1,000 piece puzzle with artwork by Danielle Birch. And 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to the Center for Reproductive Rights. So make sure you check that out, macaroymerch.com. And there's so much other stuff on there, too.
53:37 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, we got some live shows coming up, too. We got tickets on sale for shows coming up in Michigan, Minnesota, and Ohio for MBMBaM and Taz. All the Taz shows are gonna be Taz versus, uh, we're doing some cons. We're gonna be at Origins Game Fair in Columbus and Dragon Con in Atlanta doing stuff. Uh, you can find out all of that, uh, scheduling stuff and get tickets over at bit.ly/macaroytours.
53:59 Travis McElroy? And we haven't mentioned it in a while, but we got, uh, if you go to macaroyfamily card with two Rs, dot co. Um, we have places over there that we have, uh, partnered with before and nonprofits that we've worked with and stuff like that. So if you're, I don't know, looking for a way to help or a place to get involved, maybe check that out. macaroyfamily card.co.
54:21 Griffin McElroy? Thanks to Montaigne for the use of our theme song, "My Life is Better With You." I am personally a huge fan of Montaigne's body of work, and this song in particular is especially meaningful because it's on our show and I hear it a whole lot. So, thank you very, very much.
54:35 Travis McElroy? That's a good point, Griffin. Thank you for sharing that. That was very vulnerable of you.
54:39 Griffin McElroy? Thanks.
54:40 Travis McElroy? And I respect that immensely. What's your fear, Griff?
54:43 Griffin McElroy? Who's got a fear?
54:45 Travis McElroy? Oh, boy. Griffin, why don't you read it this time?
54:46 Griffin McElroy? Oh, sure, I'll do it. This year, I'm gonna get faster than my fear of Giant Foods.
54:54 Griffin McElroy? The grocery? The grocery store chain?
54:56 Travis McElroy? Or Giant Foods. You know what? It works both ways. My name's Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy.
55:02 Griffin McElroy? I'm Griffin McElroy.
55:03 Travis McElroy? It's been my brother, my brother, me, kiss your dad square on the lips.
55:38 Speaker 05 Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.
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