Pod Insights My Brother, My Brother And Me MBMBaM 762: Mozzarella Stickz, Never Eaten About this episode We’re here to give you that kick you need to roll out of bed and grab a steaming box of hot wet egg. But if a kick doesn’t work, maybe some spicy stolen salsa or getting stepped on by Joseph Gordon Levitt will do the trick
Suggested talking points: The New New Monkees, Joseph Gordon Leverage, Fish Love Pokemon Cards, What Do You Think Verbatim Means?
Center for Reproductive Rights: https://reproductiverights.org/
Transcript 10,336 words · 11 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Speaker 00 The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?
0:21 Speaker 01 It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has gossip, it's rippen into a precious friendship.
0:33 Speaker 01 I could have never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach. My life, it feels like. Life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. My life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. This is true, ah, it's better, it's better with you. My life, ah, it's better with you.
1:10 Travis McElroy? Hello, everybody, and welcome to My Brother, My Brother, Me and Advice Show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.
1:15 Travis McElroy? What's up, Trav Nation? It's me, your middlest brother, Travis, vroom, vroom, McElroy.
1:20 Griffin McElroy? What's up, sweet baby brother, Griffin McElroy, Built Ford Tough here, and my secret is I'm always angry.
1:28 Travis McElroy? Oh, is that true?
1:30 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, man.
1:30 Travis McElroy? I've never gotten that far. I would say you're always anxious.
1:34 Griffin McElroy? Um, that's how it presents. No, it, the secret is I'm always angry and it's how I get Hulk Strong, and I've been missing seeing my green boy up on the big silver screen. Um, I gotta say, today's Supes ain't doing it for me, and I need to see stronger people up there, uh, killing, uh, their enemies, and it just sucks that that hasn't happened in like years.
1:57 Travis McElroy? Uh, well, they're back. All your Marvel heroes are back.
2:00 Travis McElroy? What the fuck?
2:01 Travis McElroy? Yeah, dude, they're back in a big way. We're doing it again.
2:05 Travis McElroy? Uh, I'm confused, Justin. There's no new Avengers movies.
2:08 Griffin McElroy? I'm looking at the list of movies on Rotten Tomatoes right now. We've got Death of a Unicorn.
2:15 Travis McElroy? Is that it?
2:15 Griffin McElroy? That's made up. I don't think that one's it.
2:19 Travis McElroy? The, no, the movie in question is Thunderbolts.
2:22 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
2:24 Travis McElroy? And I want to talk about this because I have not been paying attention like a lot, like a sane person. I've been focused on things other than the status of Marvel movies.
2:32 Griffin McElroy? Right.
2:33 Travis McElroy? I do want to talk about it. So the movie.
2:35 Griffin McElroy? Heard it's good, heard it's good. Irrelevant.
2:38 Travis McElroy? Yeah, I actually, I set up reverse notifications so that I wouldn't get notifications on any Marvel properties except Moon Knight Season Two.
2:47 Griffin McElroy? That's it.
2:48 Travis McElroy? It's been a ghost town.
2:49 Griffin McElroy? I got, I fucking, I've seen clips, I've seen clips that seem good and all the comments are like, damn, they did my favorite character from Marvel, Bill Dinkley, so right in this one. And it's like, who are you talking, it's my favorite Marvel guy.
3:03 Travis McElroy? I'm postal investigator Bill Dinkley.
3:06 Griffin McElroy? It's my fucking favorite Marvel guy, Huge Crimson. Who are you talking about? What are you talking about?
3:14 Travis McElroy? Huge Crimson? That's his regular name though. That's not his superhero name. That's the crazy thing.
3:20 Griffin McElroy? There's 10 Marvel guys and I already learned them and most of them died. And I was like, I've done with that part of my life. I've moved, I don't need to know who all the Avengers are again. Surprise. It's a whole new batch, whole new, whole new brood.
3:36 Travis McElroy? So listen, the movie is called Thunderbolts asterisk, right? Thunderbolts asterisk.
3:42 Griffin McElroy? That's cool. Cause they use performance enhancing drugs to kill the bad guys in this one.
3:47 Travis McElroy? No.
3:48 Travis McElroy? Yeah, actually that's, I, that's a super soldier serum, right?
3:51 Griffin McElroy? I don't know who any of these people are, any of these people.
3:54 Travis McElroy? Yeah, nobody knows any of these characters or anything.
3:55 Griffin McElroy? Sometimes they'll throw, usually they'll throw a guy in there like Joker and you'll be like, well, I at least know who Jo, the rest of the suicides go, I don't know who the fuck these guys are, but I know Joker, so I can feel comfortable here.
4:05 Travis McElroy? Justin, is the asterisk down at the bottom of the poster, does it say Thunderbolts asterisk? And then at the bottom asterisk, we have Avengers at home. It's Thunderbolts. We don't need, we don't need to buy Avengers. We have Avengers at home.
4:18 Travis McElroy? No, they changed it.
4:21 Travis McElroy? They changed it, the name of it. They changed the name of the movie, kind of. The stars of the movie have, I would, here, hold on, let me show you the guy, the very exciting picture of this because I feel like this, the thrill of this is gonna like, jump across.
4:36 Griffin McElroy? Is it gonna get me back in the movies again?
4:38 Travis McElroy? I think it's gonna get you very excited. So, it's, the thing that they did was, they ripped off the title and actually, the asterisk is asterisk, the new Avengers. It's-
4:49 Griffin McElroy? That's so cool.
4:51 Travis McElroy? That's what they, it's like they, it's about asterisk the whole time. Look at Sebastian Stan.
4:55 Travis McElroy? He can't believe it.
4:56 Travis McElroy? Can you fucking believe this shit? I'm an Avenger!
5:00 Travis McElroy? What, what this is telling me is right now Sebastian Stan, seeing that thing ripped off, is the first he's hearing about this.
5:06 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. Yeah, they should do this every time they reboot some shit. They should do this where the guys in the movie, like fuck up the old thing first and make it, and make it a big surprise.
5:18 Travis McElroy? I just wanna say a few things. One, I'm glad Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn's kid is getting another bite at the apple. Let's keep, let's get as many chances as we can for everybody. David Harbour, I feel like you have enough apples, and maybe you should share the apples around. You've got a lot of great apples going.
5:34 Griffin McElroy? Who else could possibly play huge Crimson, Justin, if not Dave Harbour?
5:38 Travis McElroy? But Justin, I'm glad you made, uh, the point that I've been kind of so boxing on for a while now, which is celebrities' kids have it so rough out there.
5:47 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
5:47 Travis McElroy? And I like when people give them a lot of chances to make it big.
5:51 Travis McElroy? When, when, when his, uh, uh, beloved cult AMC show got cancelled, I'm really glad that, uh, Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell's son Wyatt got another-
6:03 Griffin McElroy? Russell Hawn? I think his name's Russell Hawn.
6:05 Travis McElroy? Is his name. So Marvel had to come out and people were like, understandably, after this event where the cast took a picture in front of this new poster that, Marvel had to come out and be like- That's not the name of the movie still. It's still called Thunderbolts. And everyone's like, well. Are you sure? Because it seems like you changed it. And Marvel's like, no, no, no, no, no. That's a joke. It's just a joke for the movie.
6:31 Travis McElroy? Oh, did the stars know that?
6:33 Travis McElroy? Yeah, and it is a new Avengers movie. And that's what they're saying. Not a new. New Avengers movie, but uh.
6:41 Griffin McElroy? New Avengers.
6:41 Travis McElroy? New Avengers.
6:42 Griffin McElroy? Movie, yeah. Movie, yeah, for sure.
6:44 Travis McElroy? But it's called Thunderbolt Star. Really?
6:47 Griffin McElroy? Thunderbolt Star. Which one is Iron? Which one's Iron Man?
6:50 Travis McElroy? The more I look at this picture, the more it looks like Sebastian Stan is asking me to get him out of there.
6:56 Travis McElroy? Yeah, he wants to be rescued.
6:58 Griffin McElroy? I've heard it's good. I've heard, I have heard it's good.
7:01 Travis McElroy? I think he's saying right now, I was in real Avengers movies.
7:04 Griffin McElroy? I was, now that's a good point. He was, he's the Joker in this one. He was, I see Sebastian Stan. I'm like, I know him. Bucky Boy with the magic arm. I know him. For sure. The rest of these guys can hang.
7:15 Travis McElroy? With the arm power by love.
7:17 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, fuck yeah.
7:18 Travis McElroy? Get him out of there.
7:20 Griffin McElroy? I'm, I've heard it's good. I'm glad for people who saw it and, and really.
7:23 Travis McElroy? I wanna see it.
7:25 Griffin McElroy? I wanna see it too. I don't really have time to go to the movies anymore. It's just, I grew up with these things, man. I grew up in this world, these comic movies. Movies and comics and all that nerd shit. And yeah, I, when these guys come out and make such a big splash. Yeah, like, I don't know who these guys are.
7:40 Travis McElroy? Okay, that's Lil Crimson. What happened?
7:42 Travis McElroy? Now we're talking. Now we've got the juice.
7:45 Griffin McElroy? Is that the Rizler?
7:46 Travis McElroy? That's the Rizler. Yeah, baby. That's the Rizler with the Thunderbolt Star, Stars.
7:52 Griffin McElroy? That's cool.
7:52 Travis McElroy? The Thunderbolt Star Stars and the Rizler. And Julia Louise Dreyfus said about this, no offense to that child, but I did not know who he was.
8:01 Griffin McElroy? Awesome.
8:02 Travis McElroy? That is a quote.
8:02 Griffin McElroy? Julia Louise Dreyfus doesn't know the Rizler. That's, that's, that's really good stuff.
8:07 Travis McElroy? Yeah, she does not know who the Rizler is, and that is a relief. I think for me, I don't want her to know about anybody I know about.
8:13 Travis McElroy? Yeah. I wanna know that the media I consume exists in my sphere. And that Julia Louise Dreyfus doesn't even know that it exists.
8:24 Griffin McElroy? Who is there?
8:24 Travis McElroy? This is the second time I've heard you put a hard S on that woman's name. And we're gonna need to pump the brakes.
8:30 Travis McElroy? Sorry.
8:30 Travis McElroy? Julia Louise Dreyfus.
8:32 Travis McElroy? No, no.
8:33 Griffin McElroy? No.
8:33 Travis McElroy? No, sir.
8:34 Travis McElroy? Julia's.
8:35 Travis McElroy? Louise.
8:37 Travis McElroy? Dreyfus.
8:38 Travis McElroy? Thank you. Yes, yes. And the Ri.
8:42 Travis McElroy? Zeller, the Riz-ler.
8:44 Travis McElroy? The Twizzler.
8:46 Travis McElroy? See?
8:47 Travis McElroy? I don't.
8:48 Griffin McElroy? Who's the guy in the green shirt? Cause he's not there. He's barely there. If they are gonna want us to talk about Avengers again, they're gonna need to come up with more stuff for us to talk about. I don't think it's fair that you can just say, you guys like those Avengers movies? We sure did. Here's the, here's the new ones. I don't think that's fair because we don't know these guys' whole deals and what are we supposed to do jokes on?
9:11 Travis McElroy? It's really hard to, to do this. I think if you look at the Monkees.
9:15 Griffin McElroy? Yes.
9:16 Travis McElroy? The band, the Monkees, like 30 years after, they tried to get a thing going called the new Monkees. And the problem with that is they said upfront, this is the new Monkees. What they should do is have a band that goes for a while. What if Blur 2, like Blur with song two had come out and they've been very popular.
9:32 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
9:32 Travis McElroy? And then a year in, they were like, that's the new Monkees. We got you.
9:35 Griffin McElroy? Oh, you guys like our shit? You like the sound of Blur? Guess what you've been liking? The new Monkees.
9:41 Travis McElroy? The new, new Monkees.
9:43 Griffin McElroy? So look into that. Oh, is that what Arctic Monkeys is?
9:45 Travis McElroy? Yeah, Arctic Monkeys would have been the better pull, Travis. You're right. Thank you.
9:50 Griffin McElroy? Oh, the sirens going off here, which means it's time to do our first question of the episode. Wait, why is there a siren going off? It's a tornado siren that goes off on the first Wednesday of every month at noon. We can set these record times for whenever we want, and yet we do manage to always get it right in siren time, I'm realizing. It lets us know it's time to move on to the first question. You're right. You're right.
10:11 Travis McElroy? Growing up, my friend's mom woke her up every morning with a good morning song. I always thought it was really sweet and a nice tradition. I recently had a baby of my own and would like to find a song to sing him to wake him up. I don't want to use my friend's song because I can't really remember the words. The words I do remember are pretty dorky. What is a cool song I could sing to my cool baby to wake him up each morning? That's your new mom in OKC.
10:33 Travis McElroy? I got a good morning song.
10:35 Griffin McElroy? I do too, but let's hear yours first because you made the sound first.
10:38 Travis McElroy? Oh, okay. Mine, I learned at camp when I was young and it goes way up in the sky. The big birdies fly. Way down in the nest, the little birds rest. The sun starts to rise, the dew goes away. Good morning, good morning, the little birds say.
10:58 Griffin McElroy? It's way too long for a wake up song. By the time you finish that, I'm downstairs like brewing a cup. Already, you took way too long with it.
11:06 Travis McElroy? Point of it, it's a little bit annoying or a lot of it depending on the receiver, I guess. And it's just spurned them out of bed.
11:14 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, I don't need that.
11:14 Travis McElroy? And forward into the day. You don't need that. You just spring out of bed every morning?
11:18 Griffin McElroy? I'm thinking about a wake up song for myself as a 38 year old adult gentleman.
11:25 Travis McElroy? Oh, okay. Not what the question, but yeah.
11:28 Griffin McElroy? Well, but I, I have to connect with it on this level. You understand Travis before I can get into the mind of a baby. You understand that, right?
11:34 Travis McElroy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sorry. Yeah, I forgot.
11:36 Griffin McElroy? Before I can enter the mind of the baby, I have to first really-
11:38 Travis McElroy? Enter the baby space.
11:40 Griffin McElroy? You have to ground it with your own personal experience.
11:43 Travis McElroy? Okay.
11:43 Griffin McElroy? I want to get hit with, um, first of the month by, um, Bone Thugs and Harmony. With the wake up, wake up, wake up. It's the first of the month. Now, here's my deal. They're gonna change the lyrics based on what day it actually is.
11:59 Travis McElroy? Oh, okay. That's helpful.
12:01 Griffin McElroy? And if we can get the day's temperature included in the lyrics of the song.
12:05 Travis McElroy? So right now it's 72, yo. Later on, it's gonna be 80. Better bust out the shorts.
12:11 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
12:11 Travis McElroy? He's gonna wear his short shorts. That would be amazing, actually. That's really good, Justin. If we could get Bone Thugs on this, that'd be incredible. How many days got last? It's just three days left. Three days left until May.
12:26 Griffin McElroy? I would want it to be more, I'm waking up first thing in the morning. I don't need to solve a math puzzle. I need like a, it's a, it's, it's May 7th. Like I need them to be pretty.
12:33 Travis McElroy? It would also be useful if I could then, you know, if I had the time, it's a weekend, that they could go into some of the like news highlights.
12:40 Griffin McElroy? Absolutely.
12:41 Travis McElroy? Headlines.
12:42 Griffin McElroy? What you missed this weekend. I wouldn't, it's reached a point now where I wouldn't, I don't know if I'm gonna hire Bone Thugs in Harmony for this. Probably can't afford that. I would love a sort of personalized, um, calendar, I suppose, a digital construct of some sort.
12:58 Travis McElroy? With, with additional widgets that I can add in later if I want it.
13:01 Griffin McElroy? I guess I'm saying I want to create an AI construct, but only of Bone Thugs in Harmony, not to like, do any other, uh, like, it, it all above board.
13:10 Travis McElroy? Griffin, you jumped right over the idea of paying them to do it. I, I think it would be pricey, but worth it. Let's pay artists for their work. Reach out to Bone Thugs, see if you can get them.
13:22 Griffin McElroy? They would get a cut.
13:23 Travis McElroy? They're not gonna work with us, cuz I, a few minutes ago conflated first of the month with Crossroads, and I don't think they're gonna work, wanna work with us. I think that they're gonna find someone who knows their catalog.
13:32 Travis McElroy? Charles, y'all. That's how you remember appointments coming up.
13:35 Griffin McElroy? At 7:00 PM, at Guido's.
13:40 Travis McElroy? You're meeting his new girlfriend. Make sure to bring some flowers.
13:44 Travis McElroy? Do you guys have an alarm? Do you have an alarm in the morning? What, what, what wakes you up?
13:49 Travis McElroy? I have an alarm set at 6:40, 6:45, and 6:48, cuz I don't trust myself one bit.
13:55 Travis McElroy? What is it? Just a siren? What do you got?
13:57 Travis McElroy? No, it's a gentle, uh, ringing and dangling, you know?
14:02 Griffin McElroy? Um, I usually, I either wake up with the day or from a gentle rustling from my lovely wife. A gentle rustle.
14:11 Travis McElroy? And then you go, oh God, the kids are two hours late to school. Gotta go.
14:15 Griffin McElroy? No, I sit there as she does, a parody version of Bone Thugs in Harmony's first of the month to me, to tell me all about the news and weather and the time and date. It's so helpful.
14:27 Travis McElroy? I, my alarm clock caresses me to sleep. It starts off very dim, and it slowly kisses me awake with a soft tingling of nature. And then at 6:40, Sydney's rips in with a
14:41 Travis McElroy? And it's like, oh, but I was just being correct. So I have conditioned myself to be awakened by the gentlest caress of nature. So I'm fully ideally in the shower before her sort of cacophony kicks up.
14:53 Griffin McElroy? We bought one of those sun lamp alarm clock things. I think we've talked about this on the show before, but I guess just as an update for this particular appliance, it stopped waking me up. And so Rachel would have to come into the bedroom to wake me up with this gigantic LED light bulb inches from my face, just blasting me with its, its false UV rays. Uh, and it, it was a largely ineffective tool. Also, my dreams are just brighter. Thanks, you stupid light bulb.
15:22 Travis McElroy? I got one of those, uh, I got, uh, you know, continue to get the marketing emails for, from the, uh, the lamp company or the clock company that I got this alarm clock from, and they recently sent an email that said, um, uh, hey, if you, if you don't buy one of these for, by the end of the week, cause the tariffs are gonna be $400.
15:43 Griffin McElroy? Wow.
15:43 Travis McElroy? And listen, it's all rough, uh, uh, across the board, but it really did make it very, in that moment, very personal. And I thought, wow, that sounds, no, no, no, not, it's just, I real identified that, that sounds like an extremely challenging situation.
16:00 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
16:01 Travis McElroy? Cause that's hundred, hundreds of dollars for the, I mean, I know it's bad for you, but like, wow, you guys have really got it tough, huh? $400 for this. Woof. Now, it's tough.
16:11 Griffin McElroy? I don't love light waking me up. Is there any way that one of these sun lamps can produce the heat of the sun? Not obviously full bore, like, I'm not trying to be disintegrated.
16:23 Travis McElroy? Kind of that revs up.
16:24 Griffin McElroy? It wouldn't start there. I think it would serve you up a lot of different, lot of different options. Yeah. I think it would start you with a gentle caress of sun's light coming. And then like, if that don't work, some light bird noises. And then if that don't work, the birds get like shitty about it. And then if that don't work, it starts to get pretty hot. Because now you're being blasted by heat rays.
16:43 Travis McElroy? And the birds start screaming like they're burning.
16:45 Griffin McElroy? Let me make a bad smell. Make the alarm clock make a stinky bad smell that wake you up. That would be cool.
16:51 Travis McElroy? Is there a way to do an implant in my brain to wake me up that tells my brain that my bladder is really full?
16:57 Travis McElroy? Cause like that wakes me up in the middle of the night. So you know it would work in the morning.
17:01 Griffin McElroy? For sure.
17:02 Travis McElroy? Yeah. Maybe you could wake up at like three something and pound a bunch of water and just like really put on the boat for however long it takes to rip through you.
17:11 Travis McElroy? How with lucid dreaming, how hard would I have to work to get myself a dream butler? Who just, uh, excuse me, Mr. McRoy. It's time to wake up now. And he comes in and he gets me up. So he, oh, and gives me the kick. I need Joseph Gordon-Levitt to give me the kick.
17:27 Griffin McElroy? I actually have a lot of dreams about Joseph Gordon-Levitt kicking me and stepping on me and.
17:36 Griffin McElroy? That's it. Oh.
17:37 Travis McElroy? Go on.
17:38 Griffin McElroy? Finish your drink. Justin took a big sip.
17:40 Travis McElroy? He's giving you time.
17:41 Travis McElroy? Tell me more. I'm giving you space.
17:43 Griffin McElroy? I have a lot of.
17:44 Travis McElroy? The floor is yours.
17:46 Griffin McElroy? It's brick era. T H G L and he's just stepping.
17:50 Travis McElroy? I'm breaking your smushing slowly.
17:54 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
17:55 Travis McElroy? He crushed your balls.
17:55 Griffin McElroy? So what do you guys think? What do you think it means?
17:58 Travis McElroy? Are you asking me how many PSI Joseph Gordon-Levitt would be able to kick your balls with?
18:02 Griffin McElroy? What kind of PSI, what kind of downward for, what kind of downward force will this wave apply to my body?
18:08 Travis McElroy? I'm just saying that I think he could be a professional NFL kicker if he set his mind to it.
18:13 Travis McElroy? My kids to stop watching these fucking TikToks. Joseph Gordon-Levitt's foot smushing every day.
18:20 Griffin McElroy? I know. He squishes a bunch of Play-Doh and it shoots up between his toes.
18:24 Travis McElroy? They keep calling me over like, dad, you gotta watch this. But it's like, they're all the same, guys. I don't get the appeal.
18:31 Travis McElroy? He's got a lot of Joseph Gordon leverage. So that helps.
18:35 Griffin McElroy? But it's close enough to the physical force that is being applied. I, I will absolutely.
18:39 Travis McElroy? What do we think about Joseph Gordon-Levitt?
18:42 Griffin McElroy? That's good too. That's good too. We're definitely trending in the right direction with this bit. Uh, he does step on my balls sometimes, but he always makes it sound like it was an accident.
18:53 Travis McElroy? You fucking wrestled momentum back from me. I tried to create to something new. You're like, wait, wait, wait. One more thing I need to have recorded.
19:03 Travis McElroy? Hey, I'm already. How come every time Griffin tries to open up to us about his dreams or Joseph Gordon-Levitt accidentally stepped on us as well sometimes? That you're like, we need to move on.
19:10 Griffin McElroy? It doesn't happen every, it doesn't happen every dream.
19:13 Travis McElroy? Okay. I'll tell you why Trav. Hi, it's Justin McRoy. Griffin's oldest, oldest brother.
19:18 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
19:20 Travis McElroy? Griffin is in a constant struggle with his own personal brand. There's two Griffin McRoy's. There's the Griffin McRoy that'll do it for the vine.
19:27 Travis McElroy? Uh huh.
19:28 Travis McElroy? And then there's the Griffin McRoy that is a human being, a day to day life that expresses to me on a daily basis, how regretfully is that he has corrupted his brand with, with so many, not kinks that he just does not personally share. It's not a kink, shame.
19:44 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
19:44 Travis McElroy? It's that he can't have normal conversations anymore, but.
19:47 Travis McElroy? And which, which of those two Griffins wins, Justin?
19:50 Travis McElroy? Well, I don't know. It's probably the Griffin that interrupts me from making a transition to the next question. So he could say one more great thing about Joseph Gordon Levitt, a real human crushing his balls.
20:02 Travis McElroy? Accidentally sometimes.
20:04 Griffin McElroy? Stop it. It's, first of all, this is not a real person. It's Joseph Gordon Levitt in my dream mind. Second of all, second of all, he only steps on my balls sometimes. Some dreams he doesn't do it at all. And whenever he does, he apologizes like it's a big accident.
20:19 Travis McElroy? So we know this is the Griffin he feeds. This is the Griffin he feeds clearly because this is still the Griffin that's here with us now. You know what I mean?
20:27 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
20:27 Travis McElroy? I tried to talk, I psychically reach the sane, responsible Griffins, like doesn't want to be accountable.
20:33 Travis McElroy? What happens in the dreams where he doesn't accidentally step on your balls? And is it an accident? Can you gauge it?
20:39 Travis McElroy? He doesn't wake up on time and his kids are late to school.
20:43 Griffin McElroy? How do I wake up? Well, it depends on what kind of treatment I get from JGL in my dream. It depends. Some days I'm timely. I'm downstairs pronto, lunch is packed and then Rachel wakes up and it's like, JGL stepped on your balls again. I'm like, yeah, man, 5:15 in the fucking morning.
21:02 Travis McElroy? Oh, it's not a regular time?
21:03 Griffin McElroy? Yow, ouch. I yell. That wakes Rachel up too.
21:09 Travis McElroy? How can I save a man who will not save himself?
21:12 Griffin McElroy? It's the tension between the two juice. That's the, that's the palette of which I'm in.
21:18 Travis McElroy? It's the gray. It's the gray in between. It's where the lines blur. That's where the real truth lies.
21:24 Griffin McElroy? Exactly.
21:25 Travis McElroy? Madness, brilliance.
21:27 Travis McElroy? I hope Joseph Gordon Levitt never listens to the show.
21:30 Travis McElroy? Again.
21:30 Griffin McElroy? He won't. Um, I think Van Halen's jump.
21:35 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
21:35 Griffin McElroy? Would be good. Maybe not.
21:37 Travis McElroy? Or walking on sunshine.
21:40 Travis McElroy? Or Pitbull's I Feel Good. Pitbull is a good choice.
21:44 Griffin McElroy? Not for a baby.
21:45 Travis McElroy? Not for a baby. Get too excited.
21:47 Griffin McElroy? A baby can't handle, there's babies that can't handle their shit most of the time. They won't know what to do with the energy. They cannot handle all the rhythms.
21:55 Travis McElroy? With the Kids Bop version of I Feel Good and work your way up to the Pitbull version?
21:59 Travis McElroy? Kids can't handle all the rhythms of the world in one, in one man. Like, he, he's in touch with all the dances, all the parties.
22:06 Travis McElroy? He is, he's Mr. Worldwide.
22:08 Travis McElroy? He's Mr. Worldwide. Kids can't handle that. They barely can handle their own room, you know?
22:12 Travis McElroy? That's true.
22:13 Travis McElroy? They're not ready for the whole world. Start with Rafi.
22:16 Travis McElroy? Rafi's version of I Feel Good? I don't, I have never heard that one.
22:19 Griffin McElroy? Rafi won't challenge children with a, with a heavy reggaeton beat, uh, in a way that Pitbull will occasionally slide in there.
22:26 Travis McElroy? Uh, he will challenge Pitbull though. I'd love to see that creator clash. You know what I mean? Pitbull V Rafi. No holds barred.
22:34 Griffin McElroy? I think we all know who comes out on top of that one.
22:36 Travis McElroy? I'm a fifth grade teacher and every year my students go to a team building event in the woods for a fifth grade graduation. The adults are not allowed to help the kids with tasks they've been given because the idea is to develop independence. However, one of the tasks is to build a fire and another is to catch a fish. They're not giving a fishing pole or matches for this, but they're given one fishing hook and a piece of string. Is there no way my students can light a fire or catch a fish with these materials? And I really want to catch a fish this year. How can I sneakily help my kids without ruining the independence part of the activities? That's from dreaming of fish in the fifth grade.
23:07 Griffin McElroy? You, you added a question, you added a question where there was not one. They, they didn't say, is there no way my stu-, they said definitively, there is no way my students can light a fire.
23:15 Travis McElroy? Sorry, thank you for clarifying, Griffin. Yeah.
23:17 Travis McElroy? Do fifth grade classes need team building exercises?
23:21 Griffin McElroy? This isn't team building. It is independence building, which is quite the opposite thing, Travis.
23:25 Travis McElroy? It says, go to a team building event in the woods.
23:28 Griffin McElroy? About building independence. So that doesn't mean.
23:30 Travis McElroy? So I think the overall event is team building. This one aspect is team destroying. Yeah, they're all, they're competing against each other. Yeah.
23:38 Griffin McElroy? If you catch a fish, you are not allowed to feed it to anyone else. That is your fish to, to clean and prepare.
23:43 Travis McElroy? Give a man a fish and you'll be summarily dismissed from the competition.
23:46 Travis McElroy? Okay.
23:48 Griffin McElroy? Fishing is one of those things that I wish I could do and never would, even if I could. It would be cool to know how to do that stuff. And I think everyone probably thinks that, but it wouldn't cause me to go out to Bodies of Water to try to get all the fishing.
24:02 Travis McElroy? My children have often expressed interest in fishing, and so I've started to, I've laid out for them the actual steps involved. And I would say especially on the, you have to put a worm on a hook. And then when you catch the fish, remove the hook from the fish's mouth and they bounced off it properly.
24:21 Travis McElroy? I think I would enjoy teaching my kids to fish. I don't think I would enjoy having another parent teach me how to fish first in order to do that.
24:34 Griffin McElroy? And when you say another parent, we should be explicitly clear that we are not talking about our own father.
24:39 Travis McElroy? No, he's tried.
24:40 Griffin McElroy? Someone else's parent, not ours.
24:43 Travis McElroy? Yeah, so I need, I don't, but see, to learn from another parent in this specific activity, it's gonna be me and another adult
24:53 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
24:53 Travis McElroy? in a boat, alone, making conversation. Sorry, that's gonna be a super hard pass for me. I don't think I'll ever learn to fish.
25:00 Travis McElroy? I'm picturing someone out on their lake, out in their boat. They look up, here comes another boat. It's Justin by himself with his iPhone, watching YouTube videos on how to fish as he tries to set it up. And I think that actually might be worse to be caught doing that.
25:16 Griffin McElroy? You and the other parent in two different boats, you can absolutely boat away whenever you need to.
25:23 Travis McElroy? I think that your best bet is to help your kids to master the bow and arrow. Because I have seen a lot of movies and if you can master the bow and arrow, you're hunting, you're grappling,
25:38 Griffin McElroy? Cool.
25:39 Travis McElroy? you're retrieving,
25:40 Travis McElroy? Mm-hmm.
25:41 Travis McElroy? you're winning the heart of Maid Marian.
25:43 Travis McElroy? Yeah, you're winning the Hunger Games.
25:45 Griffin McElroy? I don't know that that is a facet of this.
25:47 Travis McElroy? Resting all of.
25:49 Travis McElroy? Oh, I'm sorry, Griffin.
25:50 Travis McElroy? Queen City, is that right? Is that where Green Arrow is?
25:53 Travis McElroy? Yeah, I think so. Griffin, in this independent study where the children are put out in the woods without supplies and they have to catch and eat their own food, you don't get a little bit of Hunger Games vibe from that?
26:06 Griffin McElroy? I mean, it'd be Hungry Games and not games so much as school. It's Hungry School, the sequel to Hunger Games.
26:12 Travis McElroy? Do you, do you think that there was a moment where the teachers had to tell the, the parents of these fifth graders, they'll be going in the woods, um, and they'll have to start a fire themselves. And the parents were like, that seems wildly irresponsible. They're 11 years old. And the teachers said, oh, don't worry. We don't give them matches or anything. They would have to start it themselves. And there's no way they're going to be able to do that. So don't you worry about it.
26:35 Griffin McElroy? Don't worry. They can't get burnt. They won't make fire. They can't make fire unless.
26:42 Travis McElroy? Unless.
26:43 Griffin McElroy? Unless? Wow. You guys really, really, really left me hanging on that one.
26:47 Travis McElroy? No, I said it. I said it.
26:49 Griffin McElroy? That pause, that pause, that pause was nine months pregnant. That was a big one.
26:54 Travis McElroy? Unless.
26:56 Griffin McElroy? Dead drops. You gotta set up some dead drops ahead of time. What is gonna be in these dead drops? One, turkey jerky. Just to keep them, just to help get them across the finish line. Two, a cell phone with some sort of fish delivery service maybe on it.
27:17 Griffin McElroy? Three, Pokemon cards. These are so the kids will want to find the dead drops in the first place.
27:24 Travis McElroy? Yeah. Yes. And they could also be a rudimentary currency of the new society that they will develop.
27:29 Travis McElroy? You could soak the Pokemon cards in lighter fluid to help them build fires.
27:33 Griffin McElroy? Thank you so much, Travis. Yes. Unless it's good Pokemon cards. But every pack of Pokemon cards does come with, I would say, eight to nine kindling cards. You don't need the one with the code that lets you unlock it in the digital version of the Pokemon cards.
27:48 Travis McElroy? And the energy cards are perfect for kindling.
27:50 Travis McElroy? If you burn a foil one, the smoke is poison.
27:54 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, that's true. It'll fuck you up. Yeah. But like, it's a, it might be a good.
27:58 Travis McElroy? Hologram is poison.
27:59 Griffin McElroy? Might be a good type of breathable poison, but not for an 11 year old. They're not ready for that.
28:03 Travis McElroy? Poison type, though. You burn those, no problem.
28:05 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
28:06 Travis McElroy? You could use a foil card as, uh, like bait, as like, as like a, a fly. You know, it's got all the shiny on it. Fish love Pokemon cards.
28:16 Travis McElroy? Are kids solving puzzles to find, like, I don't want to just give this stuff to them. So to find the dead drops, are they doing something more practical? Like coding challenges, like they're learning some.
28:27 Griffin McElroy? A book report about Johnny Tremaine.
28:29 Travis McElroy? Something like that, like real school stuff, like real school stuff. And then they. I don't want it to be a gimme. You want it to be something they work for, right? You can't just throw a butt. I will say this too. I'm, I'm thinking about it.
28:44 Travis McElroy? Leaving a bunch of matches out, it has a whole risk reward thing there, right? Cause you also don't want, you don't want to ruin the game, but you also don't want to be the guy who like just left a bunch of matches and shit out for kids to find, right? That's frowned upon.
28:57 Travis McElroy? How long do they have to survive this challenge?
29:01 Travis McElroy? I don't think survival is on the live. I don't think those are the stakes.
29:04 Travis McElroy? This is what I say. If this is a four hour experience, cool. Four day experience? Ah, they. There's an element.
29:12 Griffin McElroy? I also love, I feel like with most groups of fifth graders, you could give them the whole damn fishing rod and a whole tackle box of shit and a lot of kindling and some flint and steel like Minecraft. And actually I take it back, kids would be able to do that for one part pretty good, but like give them all the supplies they need. They're still not touching the fish. They're still not lighting a fire. Grownups can't do that shit on Survivor and they spent a long time there.
29:37 Travis McElroy? And they knew they were going to be on Survivor.
29:38 Griffin McElroy? They knew they were going to be there.
29:39 Travis McElroy? Also.
29:40 Griffin McElroy? Give them the whole rod.
29:41 Travis McElroy? You're not going to get in trouble. Who cares? Have fun. Help the kids. They'll appreciate it.
29:45 Griffin McElroy? What are they going to do? Fire you? Yeah. I kept my kids alive. I think that is actually a good teacher thing.
29:50 Travis McElroy? Yeah. This is, this whole thing's insane. This whole thing, guys, we're shutting it down. It starts with me.
29:58 Griffin McElroy? Hey, can we take a, a brief break? Yeah.
30:01 Travis McElroy? I'll be all right with you guys.
30:02 Travis McElroy? Let's get in the zone. Money zone.
30:04 Griffin McElroy? I couldn't possibly do another moment of comedy.
30:18 Travis McElroy? I'm gonna, guys, it's the money zone and I know that in the past, um, maybe I've rambled a bit and got off topic. So I'm going to try to focus up and I'm going to do this, this ad right down, right down the middle.
30:30 Griffin McElroy? Down the middle.
30:31 Travis McElroy? A perfect strike.
30:32 Travis McElroy? I love that trap. Thank you.
30:33 Griffin McElroy? Do you think there's a lot of demand for that?
30:36 Travis McElroy? Just to really nail this one to get it in one?
30:39 Griffin McElroy? Well, no, I'm just saying from our listening audience. Have you been hearing a lot from them lately like that we've been getting too silly and they?
30:45 Travis McElroy? Oh, I don't do the show for them. I do it to get the respect of my brothers and I know that you guys don't respect the silliness that I bring.
30:52 Griffin McElroy? I do absolutely. I do absolutely respect the silliness that you bring.
30:55 Travis McElroy? Yeah, absolutely.
30:56 Travis McElroy? Oh, oh, this is really awkward because I was shifting a lot of gears and stuff in my head.
31:03 Griffin McElroy? You've prepared. Show us, I guess, what you have for us.
31:05 Travis McElroy? Yeah, what do you got?
31:06 Travis McElroy? Squarespace.
31:08 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
31:08 Travis McElroy? Good. You like.
31:10 Griffin McElroy? So we're gonna stop you right there and just do some quick notes.
31:13 Travis McElroy? Okay.
31:13 Griffin McElroy? Um, why did you get so monosyllabic? I guess.
31:17 Travis McElroy? I was trying, I was trying to avoid any, um, like possible off ramps for myself. Cause I know like I do a lot of like language, kind of, uh, jazz. And so I was trying to.
31:29 Travis McElroy? Always experimenting. Yeah.
31:30 Travis McElroy? Yeah, I was trying to avoid any possible free association. And just focus on.
31:36 Travis McElroy? Okay, so like, I'm sorry we interrupted.
31:39 Travis McElroy? Okay, thank you. Squarespace, good. You like it? It help you? Yes. Very good. Build website? You have idea website? Yes. Squarespace? Opportunities to offer services and get paid in one place? Yes. Get paid on time? Professional. On brand invoice? Yes. Online payments? Yes. Plus streamline workflow? Yes.
32:07 Griffin McElroy? You like this.
32:08 Travis McElroy? Built in appointment scheduling? Good. Email marketing tools? You need it.
32:12 Griffin McElroy? Say you like this more.
32:14 Travis McElroy? Okay, you like this. Squarespace? Complete library professionally designed and.
32:19 Travis McElroy? He wanted to.
32:20 Travis McElroy? Website? He wanted to. Award winning website templates? You like this. With options for everyday use and category? Indeed. Intuitive drag and drop editing? Yes, sir. Styling options? Beautiful.
32:34 Travis McElroy? Yeah, it said take, take weird gender direction halfway through.
32:38 Travis McElroy? Visual design effects? Unrivaled. Experience required? None. You like this.
32:47 Speaker 00 You want to?
32:48 Travis McElroy? Head to Squarespace.com/MyBrother for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code MYBROTHER. She saved 10% off your first purchase of website or domain. You like this?
32:59 Griffin McElroy? How hard are you guys kicking yourselves? We did not suggest System of a Down's Chop Suey as a great baby wake.
33:04 Travis McElroy? Ah, damn, that's good. Yeah, that would've been really good.
33:07 Griffin McElroy? That would've been a good one.
33:08 Travis McElroy? You know what else would be good is if you took a second and looked at your financial situation and said, "Hey, self, let's, let's get, let's get serious. Let's get real." Can we be serious now? Can we be serious now? It, it can be hard to know where to start getting your finances in order. I think Rocket Money is a really good way of doing it. The first thing that Rocket Money is gonna do is help you save a lot of money on subscriptions that you might've forgotten about. Justin, quick question? Would people like that? Yeah, they like it. Okay, it's just you didn't clarify.
33:41 Griffin McElroy? You haven't said it like even a little bit.
33:43 Travis McElroy? Yes, okay, thank you. Yes, Travis, really good point. They like it. And if you like it. You like it?
33:50 Griffin McElroy? You like, say, you like it.
33:53 Travis McElroy? You like it? Then Rocket Money is blasting off right now with the biggest savings of.
33:58 Griffin McElroy? It says in the copy not to say blasting off. It says they don't like that joke.
34:02 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
34:03 Griffin McElroy? They say there's no reason for it. They say they just don't like that joke in the ad copy. They say, "Don't save."
34:08 Travis McElroy? Griffin, I'm looking with this, I'll be honest, extensive ad copy. And I'm not.
34:14 Griffin McElroy? It says.
34:14 Travis McElroy? I see some things, I see some things that they have asked me here to read verbatim, but I, as a professional, am about to blend those so seamlessly. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Like, it'll just be sort of a. You like this.
34:32 Griffin McElroy? Rocket Money. Say you like this a lot, and it says, "Don't make any blast off jokes or references." We don't like those, they're not funny. I don't know why they're so specific.
34:41 Travis McElroy? What do you think verbatim means? It means every time you interrupt me, I have to start over. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when they use all the app's premium features.
34:56 Travis McElroy? Sounds like people like it.
34:58 Travis McElroy? Cancel your, cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money.
35:05 Travis McElroy? Indeed.
35:05 Travis McElroy? Download the Rocket.
35:06 Travis McElroy? I'll, I got this, I got this for you, Justin. I'll do the color commentary. You keep going.
35:10 Travis McElroy? Download the Rocket Money app and enter my show name, my brother, my brother and me in the survey so they know that I, Justin McElroy, sent you.
35:17 Travis McElroy? You like this.
35:20 Travis McElroy? Don't wait, don't wait. Download the Rocket Money app today and tell them you heard about them from my show.
35:27 Travis McElroy? I like this.
35:30 Speaker 06 Who's ready for some science?
35:34 Speaker 06 With sources and nuance.
35:37 Speaker 07 And some funny jokes from me.
35:42 Speaker 07 And some funny jokes from me.
35:44 Speaker 06 On Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else, too. From super heavy elements to super heavy pumpkins.
35:50 Speaker 07 From quantum physics to the history of swearing.
35:52 Speaker 06 As well as special guests like Tom Scott and Hank Green.
35:55 Speaker 07 And some funny jokes from me.
35:57 Speaker 06 Me, Caroline Roper. Dr. Ella Hubber.
36:00 Speaker 07 And Tom Lum.
36:01 Speaker 06 So join us next time where we will learn about Everything.
36:09 Speaker 08 Hey, are you playing a video game right now?
36:12 Speaker 07 Maybe you put on a podcast while grinding in an RPG. Or maybe you just don't want to hear that boss fight music one more time.
36:18 Speaker 08 Been there. I'm Maddie Myers.
36:20 Speaker 07 I'm Jason Schreier. And I'm Kirk Hamilton. We're the hosts of Triple Click, a video game podcast.
36:25 Speaker 08 A podcast you can listen to while you do other things.
36:28 Speaker 07 Like driving or cooking or playing video games.
36:33 Speaker 08 On Triple Click, we share our thoughts on the latest games.
36:36 Speaker 07 And breaking news out of the video game industry. And we also talk about other stuff besides games. So while you're doing something else, make sure to check out Triple Click. Listen on MaximumFun.org or wherever you find your podcasts.
36:56 Travis McElroy? I wanna munch squad. But I want to munch squad.
37:05 Travis McElroy? Welcome to Munch Squad. It is a podcast in the podcast profile and the latest and greatest in brand eating.
37:11 Travis McElroy? It's the only kind of eating I know.
37:13 Travis McElroy? We got a couple of different.
37:13 Griffin McElroy? You got into the riff you laid down at the beginning of this segment was fucking sick, Juice.
37:17 Travis McElroy? Thanks. I've been thinking about doing more riffs.
37:20 Griffin McElroy? It felt like a, like a jazzy sort of like cowboy bebop fight scene.
37:24 Travis McElroy? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
37:26 Travis McElroy? They said that, um, the one thing that AI can't do is riffs. So I've been trying to come up with more riffs because it seems like one area that's going to be pretty safe from the revolution is like riffs. So I'm trying to come up with more riffs.
37:41 Travis McElroy? It's a good way to fight them. Literally. It's a good weapon. If you riff at an AI, they can't handle it.
37:47 Griffin McElroy? Small acts.
37:48 Travis McElroy? Uh, I have a, I have a short story for you and then a longer story. The first short story is just like.
37:56 Travis McElroy? Baby shoes never worn.
37:58 Travis McElroy? I mean, no, Travis, even sadder than that. Wetzel's Pretzels.
38:02 Griffin McElroy? Travis, but way to go Travis to shave off some of the cruff from Hemingway's Six World Clunker. You know, getting it down to a tight four.
38:12 Travis McElroy? Yeah, just put it, I can do it too. Baby died.
38:19 Travis McElroy? You want a real sad story?
38:20 Travis McElroy? When you're paying by the letter.
38:24 Travis McElroy? Yeah, I want to post my, I want to print my short story in the newspaper. Okay.
38:28 Travis McElroy? His story was three times longer than it needed to be. Wetzel's Pretzels debuts mozzarella sticks, never eaten. Sorry.
38:40 Travis McElroy? Wetzel's Pretzels debuts mozzarella sticks with a Z for a limited time fake fuck. Wetzel's Pretzels is turning up the heat with its debut of, uh, latest limited time menu item, mozzarella sticks. Now the fact there's a Z at the end, I feel like they.
38:55 Travis McElroy? At the end, okay. You said with a Z and I was like, I'm pretty sure that's how mozzarella is.
39:00 Griffin McElroy? And pretzels.
39:01 Travis McElroy? Uh, crisp. And then it says here, this new menu item, mozzarella sticks. Crispy, cheesy, portable, and perfect for summer snacking. This craveable twist is a new category for the pretzel powerhouse and is available starting at $7.99 at Wetzel's locations. Travis, let's find out together because there's another paragraph about mozzarella sticks.
39:29 Travis McElroy? I'm just saying for $8 of mozzarella sticks, there better be 16 mozzarella sticks.
39:34 Travis McElroy? Let me paint you a picture. Crafted with fresh hand-rolled dough and filled with melty mozzarella cheese. These savory bites are topped with Italian breadcrumbs and baked to golden perfection. Served in a five-piece snack cup, pairing perfectly with a side of pizza sauce.
39:50 Travis McElroy? Five?
39:52 Travis McElroy? Or a creamy ranch dip. This snack is ideal for dipping and snacking on the go.
39:57 Griffin McElroy? Why did they have to clarify that? I get why this is this amazing summertime treat. Nothing scratches that itch for me from being hot and sweaty outside than filling my body with this gooey white cheese. But why did they have to specify that it's portable? Because I've never, I don't know that God has made, God or man has made a mozzarella stick so big I couldn't get it, I couldn't commute with it. Like I couldn't get around.
40:23 Travis McElroy? A lot of the Wetzel's pretzels menu, you have to have a knife and fork and sit down with a napkin. And this is finally one that's a little bit more, uh, grab and go.
40:32 Griffin McElroy? I like the idea.
40:33 Travis McElroy? This is the problem. Nobody wants to sit down and have a sit-down mozzarella stick feast with their family anymore. He saw go-go lifestyle. When I was a kid, mom used to put out a plate of giant mozzarella sticks and it was the whole night for us, you know? And then the whole day bowel movement the next day.
40:51 Travis McElroy? You know, it's, uh, I have another quote here for you. If you, if you, if you think that this company could not talk more about an invention that my 10-year-old makes with string cheese and crushed up Cheetos and the air fryer, you're wrong.
41:04 Griffin McElroy? Dang, what a, what a, what a child.
41:06 Travis McElroy? "We're always looking for new ways to delight our guests. And the introduction of our new mozzarella sticks is a fun and delicious addition to our snack lineup," says Peyton Geyser.
41:16 Travis McElroy? They were originally called thunder sticks with an asterisk at the end.
41:22 Travis McElroy? We took everything people love about mozzarella sticks and gave it the Wetzel's spin with our fresh pretzel dough. It's a match made in snack heaven. Now, Griffin, guess if the temperature is getting to you, it says here, "Guess compare the mozzarella sticks with Wetzel's refreshing frozen lemonade for the ultimate salty meets sweet combo, an ideal duo for warm weather hangouts, midday snack breaks, or post-shopping pick-me-ups."
41:53 Griffin McElroy? There's so many places I could effortlessly slot mozzarella sticks into my day with little to no negative effect on said day. They really do pick me up after I shop because after I shop, you guys know me, I'm a real dairy queen.
42:11 Travis McElroy? Yeah, your mozzarella levels are dangerously low.
42:15 Griffin McElroy? They get my moats reserves really hit E and I need to, I do need a pick-me-up sometimes and that comes in the form of five handy-dandy portable mozzarella sticks from a pretzel company.
42:26 Travis McElroy? That roughly is $1.40 each.
42:29 Griffin McElroy? An amazing exchange rate.
42:30 Travis McElroy? What about, what a value. I have one other really actually very impactful story, emotional. I'm going to try to share it with you guys. It's not emotional. Actually, I don't know why I said that.
42:46 Griffin McElroy? Well, we'll be the judge.
42:47 Travis McElroy? Can you hear this?
42:50 Speaker 09 Good morning, Ryan. I got everything from your rider here, your newspaper with all references to birds, redacted, fresh air from your hometown, a left-handed cane, for some reason, your jigsaw puzzle, one piece from completion, and of course, your scrambled eggs.
43:03 Speaker 10 Oh, gosh. Nobody makes my eggs like you, Brendan.
43:08 Speaker 09 Actually, these are from Tim Hortons. I know how much you like them.
43:10 Speaker 10 Love them.
43:11 Speaker 09 Yeah. So I gave them your extremely specific recipe. So now you can go get them yourself anytime you want.
43:17 Speaker 10 Oh, did you?
43:20 Speaker 10 Two freshly cracked eggs, expertly scrambled with crispy hash browns, sausage crumble, creamy chipotle sauce, cooked over freshly harvested organic lava.
43:29 Speaker 09 They skipped the lava part, but yeah.
43:31 Speaker 10 Wow. Doesn't affect the taste at all.
43:33 Speaker 09 I'm so glad.
43:35 Speaker 10 Will Tim Hortons be sculpting my wig chillers?
43:37 Speaker 09 Nope. That'll still be me.
43:40 Speaker 10 I think that's gonna melt.
43:44 Speaker 10 From my rider to Tim's menu, try my new scrambled eggs loaded breakfast box.
43:50 Travis McElroy? What's going on?
43:51 Griffin McElroy? The takeaway here is that Ryan Reynolds-
43:53 Travis McElroy? What's going on over there, huh?
43:55 Griffin McElroy? Ryan Reynolds has his own scrambled egg secrets. That's cool. They're just like us.
43:59 Travis McElroy? Fiction of this, in the fiction of this, Ryan Reynolds, who's just like us, has a special, special scrambled egg secret recipe that only his assistant knows how to make, but now his assistant taught it to, there are cereals with less contrived stories in this box of mess.
44:15 Travis McElroy? I also recognize that I'm no Ryan Reynolds. I think this will come as no surprise to anyone. But if someone pitched to me, I have an idea for a commercial and the premise is that you're a complete asshole. You're like, you're just a real insufferable dick. I don't think I'd be like, yeah, man, that sounds right. That sounds like a perfect way to sell scrambled eggs.
44:35 Travis McElroy? Kind of build his brand around that though, huh? Kind of build his brand around being a bit of a scamp.
44:40 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. And recent news events might have forced his hand a little bit to lean into, lean into that a little bit. And that makes sense to me. This hot, wet box from Tim would fuck me up fam. If I tried to eat this thing with its Chipotle mayo drizzling on top.
44:59 Travis McElroy? Yeah, not since, and this is a, not since Tim Biebs.
45:03 Griffin McElroy? Yep.
45:04 Travis McElroy? Which is a crossover of Justin Bieber and Tim. And now, okay, so I want to ask you guys one other thing about this.
45:10 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
45:11 Travis McElroy? Dunkin' Donuts.
45:12 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
45:13 Travis McElroy? The most like notable like spokespeople that Dunkin' Donuts has had over recent history. It's been half like a Matt Damon.
45:20 Griffin McElroy? Uh huh.
45:21 Travis McElroy? Yeah. And this is Tim Biebs with one of, I will say, the very few triple A movie stars we have left.
45:29 Griffin McElroy? What does that mean?
45:31 Travis McElroy? I mean, he's an A-lister. There's not a lot of A-listers left.
45:34 Griffin McElroy? There's like a million, billion, billion-
45:36 Travis McElroy? Not people who can open a movie. You can't open a movie?
45:41 Griffin McElroy? I don't know. Is he in the new Avengers?
45:44 Travis McElroy? He's in Deadpool.
45:44 Travis McElroy? What do you mean, open a movie?
45:46 Travis McElroy? Just like you're not gonna open a movie on some of these, like, you can open a movie on a Ryan Reynolds. People come out to see a Ryan Reynolds movie, is what I'm saying.
45:53 Griffin McElroy? People come out to see lots of, people come out to see a Michael B. Jordan movie a lot.
45:57 Travis McElroy? I would go out to see a John Cena movie, an Idris Elba movie. Idris Elba and John Cena movie.
46:04 Travis McElroy? But if you gotta get both of them, it's not an A-list, hm?
46:08 Travis McElroy? No, that's an A-plus list, Justin.
46:10 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, it's just two A's.
46:11 Travis McElroy? I'm sorry, guys, listen.
46:12 Travis McElroy? Sebastian Stan, David Harbour. These, oh, okay.
46:17 Travis McElroy? The Rizler?
46:18 Travis McElroy? The Rizler.
46:19 Travis McElroy? The Rizler is in it.
46:20 Travis McElroy? You're Julia's Louise Dreyfuss.
46:22 Travis McElroy? No, that's what I'm saying. What? Why are you doing this? Guess what I'm getting at? It's like, why? Like, if I came to Ryan Reynolds and they were like, I know it was fun being Deadpool, making a million bajillion dollars, but would you like to sell a box of eggs to people? And he's like, why? And they're like, I don't know, just to prove you can? I really, I don't know. I don't know why he wants to sell big boxes of eggs.
46:44 Travis McElroy? Well, he gets 78% of every box sold.
46:48 Griffin McElroy? Well, and he makes the eggs.
46:50 Travis McElroy? Not the money, to make it clear, not the money. If you buy a box of these eggs, you only get 22% of the eggs in the box. And the other 78% of the eggs get shipped directly to him.
47:01 Griffin McElroy? And he makes the eggs.
47:02 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
47:03 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. And they gotta go some, he's not gonna let his eggs just spoil.
47:07 Travis McElroy? No, when he's sitting on his, when he's sitting on his roost, producing his eggs.
47:11 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
47:11 Travis McElroy? He needs those to go somewhere.
47:13 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
47:14 Travis McElroy? Yeah. I just don't know why he's doing this specifically, you know what I mean? Like, maybe fucking loves eggs. It's a passion project. Maybe they came up with the recipe first, and they're like, okay. This is crazy. It's a big box of eggs, guys, what are we doing? We made a box of eggs with hash browns on top and chipotle sauce. It's crazy. How are we gonna get people to think this is an okay thing? Then one guy in the back raises his hands like, we could tell Ryan Reynolds came up with it. It's Ryan Reynolds' idea, not ours.
47:42 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
47:43 Travis McElroy? It's like, every pitch cannot be you blaming Ryan Reynolds or something, Doug.
47:47 Griffin McElroy? Right.
47:47 Travis McElroy? I'm sorry, Justin, but maybe you weren't paying attention. The recipe came from Ryan Reynolds' assistant to them. He showed up and said, hey, I'm sick of making eggs for my insufferable asshole boss. I need you to start making them, not just for him, but for everyone.
48:05 Griffin McElroy? For everyone. And does Ryan seem pissed about, it seemed like Ryan was pissed about that for like a second, but then they didn't like want to explore that particular emotional avenue of the, of the commercial.
48:16 Travis McElroy? Yeah, there's a lot of unexplored territory in there. I hope they make it a whole cinematic universe. Yeah, well Duncan already beat them to it, so I don't actually think that they can do another donut place with a cinematic universe within it, because there is a Duncan verse with, has all the employees from Duncan in it. I just don't, I don't know, you can get Ryan's box of eggs for, I don't know, eighty dollars Canadian, I don't know the exchange rate or whatever, but catch it, catch it now.
48:45 Travis McElroy? How about another question? Here's one for you, Trav. My girlfriend got a new job recently and her boss is hosting a pool party, which will be a great opportunity to get to know everyone. At this party, there's going to be a salsa contest for a hundred dollars and a chili pepper trophy that says salsa queen to whoever makes the best one, yes. My dad makes a mean salsa, which I believe would have a shot at winning. Can my girlfriend submit my dad's salsa as her own? If it wins, does she have to split the hundred dollars with him? Should we keep the contest a secret so we can keep all the earnings? That's from Pepper Poppers in Peoria.
49:17 Griffin McElroy? Who?
49:18 Travis McElroy? It's a lot of ethics, a lot of ethics in this question. Is it?
49:23 Griffin McElroy? I don't know that there's a lot of ethics.
49:25 Travis McElroy? I think there's just the one ethic. There's just the one. Really? Can you steal your dad's salsa? Well, it's not stealing. Well, let's talk about that for a second. What if you steal the salsa? And you take it as your own? Uh huh. First of all, that's a lie. It's fabrication. Secondly, uh, what if he doesn't win? What if it loses? What if it doesn't even place?
49:46 Griffin McElroy? And you ever come back and say?
49:47 Travis McElroy? Last place. Yeah, what's in the last place? Everyone hated your dirt salsa.
49:51 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. And then you say, actually, my girlfriend's dad made it. And then.
49:55 Travis McElroy? Not even me at all. I was trying to trick you. Now you're embarrassed.
49:59 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
50:01 Griffin McElroy? Um, and your boss, your boss now is so sick and you've done this, you've done this and now you're gonna have nicknames at the office like salsa diarrhea monster or they'll probably come up with something better than that.
50:13 Travis McElroy? No need, no need to. You got it in one. Why keep, you know?
50:18 Travis McElroy? If you put it in quotes of like my, my partner's dad's salsa in quotes, like that's what you call it. Right? And then when they're like, oh, this made me sick. And you're like, yeah, like I told you.
50:29 Travis McElroy? I think the quotes, quotes around my partner's dad's salsa, I would be suspect. I'm not sure I'd consume that. The quotation marks are, and I'd have to check the font on that too.
50:40 Travis McElroy? We've already got the solution, an asterisk.
50:43 Griffin McElroy? No, we have a solution from another call back in the show.
50:47 Travis McElroy? Just put an asterisk on it.
50:49 Griffin McElroy? We cite every food stuff that is ever eaten or bought or sold. I want to go to the farmer's market and go to a booth that says my girlfriend's dad's salsa. So I know exactly, I want to go, I want Tim Hortons to now be called, uh, Ryan Reynolds's eggs store. And now I know exactly what I'm getting, which is his recipe.
51:09 Travis McElroy? Are you saying that you'll be able to buy my girlfriend's dad's salsa at Ryan Reynolds's egg box store?
51:15 Griffin McElroy? I think you roll up and your boss, it's like Jennifer's own and she has her salsa that she made. I think it's cool to put, have to put your name on a thing so that people know exactly where it came from. And I don't think that should get you disqualified because you, are you gonna be penalized just because your girlfriend's dad makes salsa better than you? I don't think that's fair.
51:35 Travis McElroy? It also would be nice to take your dad a chili pepper trophy if you want and be like, dad, you're the salsa queen.
51:40 Travis McElroy? I wish they didn't cash prize, but yeah. A hundred dollars doesn't mean anything to most dads. Most dads are just gonna sniff, they won't even sniff, but a chili pepper shaped trophy?
51:51 Griffin McElroy? Dude, they'll lose their fucking minds for that.
51:53 Travis McElroy? I'm getting pretty excited thinking about winning a trophy right now. I would, hey guys?
51:57 Travis McElroy? I'd love to win a trophy right now, especially something I assume I'm already good at. The idea of it, of someone being like, I'm, no, I'm saying that if I was the dad and I'm like, this is my special salsa recipe. And now it's his award winning salsa recipe? That's better than any hundreds of dollars.
52:16 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, you can put dad's award winning salsa recipe on your food truck that you're gonna have to buy.
52:22 Travis McElroy? With a hundred dollars.
52:24 Griffin McElroy? What if you call it Ryan Reynolds's award winning salsa?
52:29 Travis McElroy? Is Ryan Reynolds in quotes?
52:31 Griffin McElroy? And eggs.
52:32 Travis McElroy? And eggs.
52:34 Griffin McElroy? Eggs.
52:35 Travis McElroy? Egg based salsa.
52:37 Griffin McElroy? Deadpool and Wolverines.
52:42 Griffin McElroy? Deadpool and Wolverines salsa and eggs.
52:45 Travis McElroy? Brought to you by Ryan Reynolds.
52:47 Griffin McElroy? And Tim Hortons.
52:48 Travis McElroy? And Tim Hortons.
52:51 Travis McElroy? A new Avengers production.
52:53 Griffin McElroy? We got Hugh made the salsa, Ryan produced the eggs. It's a two hander, this breakfast meal.
53:00 Travis McElroy? David Harbour hand delivered it.
53:04 Travis McElroy? Wolverine chopped it up with his fun claws and put some onions in there. It's a whole breakfast.
53:09 Travis McElroy? Ryan Reynolds screwed up all the peppers and spit them in to give them that special flavor.
53:15 Travis McElroy? And Wyatt Russell messed up at first, but Goldie and Kurt were there to help him pick up the pieces and move on. Hey, thanks so much for listening to our podcast where we've unnecessarily dragged people we will never meet for yet again, no real discernible reason.
53:32 Travis McElroy? Or if you don't like them, we did it on purpose.
53:34 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, I want to say again, I've heard good things about the Thunderbolts movie. I've heard really good things.
53:43 Travis McElroy? I'm a big fan of David Harbour. I, I, I, or I'm not, if you guys don't like him, I'm not.
53:48 Griffin McElroy? We've couched this more than enough. Hey, we got some tour dates coming up.
53:53 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
53:54 Griffin McElroy? I mean, there's the ones you already know about Michigan, Minnesota, Ohio, we're coming to you, we're doing my bin bin, we're doing Taz. But we've also got some new dates to announce in California and Texas and Georgia and Utah. All tickets go on sale this Friday, May 16th at 10 a.m. local time. Uh, all our Taz shows are going to be Taz versus, except the Anaheim Taz show, which will be. The next installment in the Adventure Zone Dadlands, GM'd by Brennan Lee Mulligan. Cannot wait for that shit.
54:22 Travis McElroy? Very exciting.
54:23 Griffin McElroy? All tickets and stuff you can find at this link, bit.ly/macaroytours. Come out and see us and have a grand old time.
54:31 Travis McElroy? We also got new merch for May. We've got the Play-Doh's Rave 1,000-piece puzzle. And I know what you're thinking, that's a lot of pieces, but every one of them's worth it. It's a little-
54:42 Griffin McElroy? More than, more than 3,000.
54:43 Travis McElroy? Yeah. And that's done by Danielle "My Joe" Burach. You can find at MyJoeBurach art on Instagram. That's B-U-R-C-H. And 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to the Center for Reproductive Rights. So check that out at macaroymerch.com.
55:00 Griffin McElroy? Thanks also to Montane for the use for a theme song, "My Life Is Better With You." We love this song so much and we're so happy and grateful to be able to use it.
55:08 Travis McElroy? Vroom, vroom. Let's get faster than fear.
55:12 Griffin McElroy? Juice, you wanna do this one?
55:14 Travis McElroy? At my sister's wedding this year, I will be faster than my fear of the Cupid Shuffle because I messed it up once in middle school. My name is Justin McElroy.
55:21 Travis McElroy? I'm Travis McElroy.
55:23 Travis McElroy? I'm Griffin McElroy. This has been My Brother, My Brother Me. Kiss your dad, square on the lips.
56:00 Speaker 08 Maximum Fun.
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