How To Live Life Without Limits w/ Tom McCarthy

The BIGGEST BATTLES we fight on our way to SUCCESS are often the ones inside our own heads. This week, I’m going to ask you to LOOK INWARD and FACE THOSE LIMITATIONS with the help of my guest, TOM MCCARTHY. You are the product of the STORIES YOU TELL YOURSELF. As you’ll hear Tom explain, don’t underestimate the impact of those stories and how they affect you. If you’re not careful, the wrong stories lead to CONFORMITY and BEING AVERAGE which are your enemies if you want to lead an extraordinary life. In addition to those stories, you must learn how ENERGY and EMOTIONS impact you as well. They live in your conscious and your subconscious mind. Or as Tom calls it, your SUPER CONSCIOUS MIND because of how fast this part of your brain processes incoming information. Here’s the cool part. Tom is going to teach you how to PROGRAM your super conscious mind so you can start living better TODAY! We also get into FOCUS and how you can use your own ENERGY and ELECTRICITY to turn your THOUGHTS into ACTIONABLE RESULTS. When you apply these things properly, you’ll learn how to CHANGE YOUR STORY. And that’s where we go next. You’re going to get a great download on how to change the NARRATIVE OF YOUR LIFE. Tom and I also go deep on CONFIDENCE and IDENTITY, which are common problems that lots of people struggle with. You’ll get some great info on those areas that you can use as well. This week is all about giving you the tools you need for your personal brand of PEAK PERFORMANCE. Tom and I spend a lot of our lives in this space, so get ready for our PEAK ADVICE over the next hour. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Ed Mylett?

  I hear so many small business owners say the exact same thing. They just never have enough time in the day. Well, I measure time differently. I've compressed, condensed, heck, I've bent time. My first day is 6:00 a.m. to noon. My second day starts at noon and goes till 6:00 P.M. And my third day, 6:00 P.M. to midnight. I now get 21 days a week. Stack that up over a month, over a year, over five years, and my life's completely different than it would have been otherwise. And if you want to win as an entrepreneur, you have to compress your time, too. And you definitely can't afford to waste it. Waiting weeks on a big bank for capital? Your best bet's to work with my friends at Cardiff. They know how to compress time for entrepreneurs. They get your business approved in minutes and funded the very same day. They're America's favorite small business lender, and for good reason.

• 0:45Ed Mylett?

  Over 20 years in business, over $12 billion deployed to small business across America. Stop letting bank delays slow down your momentum. Head to cardiff.co/ed. That's cardiff.co/ed. Cardiff.co. Real growth, fast funding. Cardiff. Borrow better.

• 1:01Speaker 01

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  Digger. See the trailer online. Only in theaters October 2nd. Rated R. Under 17. Not a minute without parent.

• 1:36Ed Mylett?

  This is the Ed Mileage Show.

• 1:40Ed Mylett?

  Okay, guys, welcome back to the show. You know, the reason I do this show, and by the way, it's precious to me because we only do one a week. We're the number one show in the world. And that is not easy to do when you do one a week and you're sort of ranked up against shows that come out every day or three or four days a week. And so that seat that this man is sitting in means the world to me because I only get to share one person a week with each of you. And so I take it as a great responsibility to make this time we have together every week so profound and so valuable in your lives. And I know so many of you get value. You out of it and that's why you share the show. So I wanted to thank you today in particular is really an honor for me because I'm going to introduce somebody to you that some of you will know, but many of you will not know. And I wanted him on the show today solely because of how good his work is, how solid his content is.

• 2:26Ed Mylett?

  And helping people change their lives and perform at a higher level. I'd call them like a peak performance expert. There's all kinds of different terms I could come up to. Describe this man, but he's got a book called the breakthrough code that is outstanding and I like the way it's written. He was a Wall Street guy for a while, then went to work to train in Tony Robbins companies. He's been training top athletes and corporations. For many years and he's just great at changing people's lives. And so Tom McCarthy, welcome to the show today.

• 2:52Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah, it's an honor to be with you, Ed, and I'm just amazed at what you've done in such a short period of time, man. It's incredible.

• 2:57Ed Mylett?

  Well, thank you. Well, you help people do that in their own lives. You help people do great things in their lives and sometimes in. Short periods of time. So let's talk about this a little bit. There's all these things I want to get into with you because your work is unique. It's different. But you talk a lot about reality. And the story somebody tells themselves as well, right? That there's this. Sort of story we tell ourselves and we sort of build our own reality to some extent, or the reality our parents give us or society gives us. So. Just your thoughts on that overall. I love the way you phrase and word this.

• 3:26Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah. So this is fun to talk with you about it because I know your work is all about this too. But what is reality? Like, you know, people say I'm a realist. What does that really mean? And. I think every single day we wake up, there's a set of possibilities that are more likely to happen just based upon who we've been up till. Then and now, but then there's also these other possibilities that are really cool. That we could make happen. And so what I love. What I really love is helping people shift reality and and we were talking about a quote I have that the average person is going to conform just. Whatever everyone else is doing. They get sick, they go to the internet, they look up, okay, what's my prognosis? And they'll pretty much go along with that. Seven years ago, I got chronic fatigue.

• 4:12Tom McCarthy?

  And I remember a doctor saying, you know, it takes years and years. I go to alternative doctors and some people never get over it. I'm like, screw that. Like, I'm getting over this thing quick. So I went to the internet and I found a guy that got over it really quick. And he was in London and I connected with him and I was able to shift my reality from having this, you know, not a death sentence, but a long time with this condition to getting over it relatively quickly. And greatness, the second part of the quote, so average conforms to reality, greatness expands reality or creates a whole new reality. A great example recently, I think, is in Ukraine with President Zelensky there. What was the most likely thing that was gonna happen when the Russian army attacks a smaller country, right? You surrender, you give up.

• 4:57Tom McCarthy?

  You know, I think we said, we'll fly you out. He goes, I don't need a ride. He goes, I need bullets.

• 5:03Ed Mylett?

  Right, right.

• 5:03Tom McCarthy?

  And he shifted reality. Like, you and I and all of us were rooting for him, right? Because he shifted reality in the face of just conforming. He said, no, I'm not gonna do that. And it was an uphill battle and we still don't know how it's gonna end, but I love it when people do that.

• 5:19Ed Mylett?

  It's interesting that you say that. I wanted to say something about that. I have something that I say often, that I think conformity is a form of cowardice. And it's interesting that you use that example, because I think one of the easiest things in life to do is just conform. The other thing about the internet and you solving your disease too, and I'll let you speak to it, but, or, you know, this diagnosis you had is the culture is gonna push you to the average. The average diagnosis, right? The average doctor, the average performance, what the average person thinks. And unknowingly, if we're not careful about how culture or the people around us push us, we just end up moving towards the average. Do you agree with that?

• 5:56Tom McCarthy?

  Absolutely, 100%. Yeah. And even peak performers, I coached an athlete, and I know you coached a lot of athletes, but this one athlete was Richard Marriott's daughter and she was training for, it was kind of a form of water skiing, but they do these big jumps in this, it wasn't a typical water ski, it had like this, this extension and a fin, so it would like raise up above the water. She was number two in the world and she was getting ready for the world champ. And the family called me up and said, can you help her out? Cause mostly I work with corporations and I don't do a lot of athletes. I've worked with some gold medalists, but it's not really things that I'm pushing, but they called me up.

• 6:33Tom McCarthy?

  And they said, can you work with her? And I said, you know, I don't know anything about that sport, but I can work with her mindset. And I came in and, and I said, you know, hey, what's going on? And she said, nothing's working. You know, she had this story in her head, which we'll talk about later. And I said, what do you mean? She goes, well, I'm ranked number two, but. And she said, I'll never beat the number one person in the sport. That's the Michael Jordan of our sport. So she already had a limitation. There. So her average was not, you know, the, the typical average, but still she was averaging in and then, and then she said, the people that I normally beat, they're beating me. I'm finishing like fifth and sixth and seventh.

• 7:10Tom McCarthy?

  And, and I said, well, what, what's happening? She says, well, I get there. I'm just so nervous, right? And I don't want them to call my name. And, and literally she was averaging down, even though she was like a peak performer. So. I think, you know, your book, I love, I love the title of your book, right? You know, about, you know, the, the power of one more, right? Because. Even when we get to these levels that you're at, that I'm at, that other people are at. We still potentially can average out versus continuing pushing forward.

• 7:38Ed Mylett?

  By the way, so true. We're gonna talk about this in a minute, but it's for me, I'm really conscious of the story I'm telling myself all the time. I think these stories we tell ourselves. Really dictate our life and you, it, the higher you climb, the more incumbent is upon you to create a new story. It's easy to start patting yourself on the back too, or start talking about your old story. This is what I used to do. But for you, I think it's important to get context because I'm looking at your work, because you know, a lot of people submit to come on the show and I'm like, well, how do I, you know, for me, when I delineate, I'm like, okay, is this work unique? Will it be profound? Will my audience be changed by it? And two things, one, your work moved me. Two, your story moved me. You could have easily as a young man. Used the story of your upbringing, which is a real one.

• 8:23Ed Mylett?

  To go in a particular direction. And I think a lot of people are like, yeah, I have this thing about story you guys are gonna get into. That's great, but I actually have a real story. You know, and they think this in their mind. Well, my story is my parents got divorced or Ed's story is his dad's in alcohol. Your story is really interesting because you know, you're this little boy. I'll let you tell it. But when I'm watching you work, I watch some of your talks. And I'm, I get emotional with humans because I love humans, but I pictured this little boy. I pictured you as the, I think, three or four year old little boy.

• 8:52Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah.

• 8:52Ed Mylett?

  Yeah. So tell, tell my audience about where your story began. I don't usually do this on the show. I usually get into the work. But I think your story is so fascinating to me. And I just did this part, I think it just honor your dad who you didn't get to know very well also. So just share with them that part of the story.

• 9:07Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah, I grew up in a military family. My dad went to West Point, young army officer. I was the first born. We lived at Fort Bragg, North Carolina, and he got sent to Vietnam in 1963. So early in the war before there was a lot of US troops over there. And I had a brother one year younger that was already born when my dad left, and then a brother that was born while my dad was over here. That never, that didn't meet my dad before he was over. And I still remember, so there's three of us, my mom, you know, they're taking care of us. And I remember waking up one morning and my dad was going to come home in like a month, right? So it was almost time for my dad to come home. And I know we were talking about it in the family and, and I remember looking out the window and a taxi cab pulled up.

• 9:52Tom McCarthy?

  And army officer got out. I'm thinking it's my dad. I'm all excited. My mom obviously knew what was happening and, and so she made us stay in the room and, and went down and, and you know, I hear like a scream and then all of a sudden people are coming into our house, neighbors and you know, I'm getting a little emotional thinking about it, but when you have something like that happen, and everybody has something in their life like this, but when you have something like that happen, particularly when you're young, life is not black and white anymore. You know, it's, you, you, you don't have a stable foundation like I thought I was going to have. And so it made me search. It made me want to grow. It's actually a gift. It was a hard gift.

• 10:34Tom McCarthy?

  And I know you write and talk a lot about this too, but, but I look back now, it made me who I am, right? It made me more curious. I don't know who I would have been had my, I mean, listen, I wish my dad would have come back. Because my dad was this amazing man that everybody loved.

• 10:48Ed Mylett?

  By the way, everyone, his father was killed in Vietnam.

• 10:50Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah, my dad was killed in Vietnam, one of the probably the hundredth person US soldier killed there, so very early. But there was a lot of pain, there was a lot of grief, sadness, uncertainty, lack of confidence. My mom never fully recovered, unfortunately.

• 11:06Ed Mylett?

  Your mother never remarried, right?

• 11:08Tom McCarthy?

  She never remarried, she had three little boys, she committed her life to us, and I think when we got out and started doing things, I think it was almost like her purpose on this planet was done. She retired it, she was a nurse, she went back to work, but passed away relatively young, like sixty seven years old. But that sadness, that grief was with her that whole time. And I'm sure, like, you know, and I know you talk about this, we inherit in those first seven years, a lot of our parents' beliefs, so I had to get over all that stuff.

• 11:39Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 11:39Tom McCarthy?

  And really start to carve out who I wanted to be, once I saw that we have the possibility not to just live up to our past, but far exceed what velocity or path that our past was gonna take us on.

• 11:54Ed Mylett?

  I'm really glad that you shared that, and I want to talk about how you did it. And I've heard some different things in my life, you know, I do a lot of work with the conscious and the subconscious mind.

• 12:02Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah, me too, I love it.

• 12:03Ed Mylett?

  But you really do, and I want to know if that was part of your work, you call it the superconscious, and I've never heard this before, but I'd like you to share with them. So how did you start to tell this new story? I picture this little boy, you lose your dad, you're the oldest boy. There's just gotta be this anxiety, this fear, we do adapt our parents' emotions, I believe we accept some of those emotions from our parents that we see them living with, whether it's just even being melancholy.

• 12:27Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah.

• 12:28Ed Mylett?

  Or down.

• 12:28Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah.

• 12:29Ed Mylett?

  Or just, or the absence of bliss.

• 12:31Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah.

• 12:31Ed Mylett?

  Right? The absence of something is, it's like the invisible emotions, we don't pick up.

• 12:36Tom McCarthy?

  There was not a lot of bliss in our house growing up, yeah, unfortunately.

• 12:39Ed Mylett?

  I imagine, yeah, I imagine, yet, I think those things typically become gifts because that allows you to connect with people. I've had someone on my show recently say this, but I've said it for a long time, that I think we are most qualified and equipped to help the person we used to be. And so many people are struggling with grief, or anxiety, or fear, and I really do believe that if you come from an environment like that, that that is a gift to help you connect with someone like that you used to be. But talk a little bit about how you've programmed your mind. And what you do with the subconscious mind. And I didn't know this, frankly, the data about the different bits of information that the subconscious can hold compared to the conscious mind.

• 13:15Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah.

• 13:20Tom McCarthy?

  I mean, it's been a process and I don't know how the heck I even got my mom, to her credit, one, I mean, she was a really, really amazing mom. She loved us. She just, she had limitations, right? In her, in her thinking because of this tragedy and, and her parents had been divorced and her dad was an alcoholic. So there was some things there, but she was really, a really incredible mom. And she started, she started thinking beyond the norm. And so, you know, there was little books on healing and

• 13:51Ed Mylett?

  Really?

• 13:51Tom McCarthy?

  Energy healing and things like that, that I would pick up. And I thought it was really weird at first, like, mom, what the heck's wrong with you? And then I, I got curious and I started reading, I don't know if you read the book, Illusions.

• 14:03Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 14:04Tom McCarthy?

  Way back when.

• 14:04Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 14:05Tom McCarthy?

  And that book pissed me off. It, because the guy dies and they're like, what?

• 14:08Ed Mylett?

  Yes, yes.

• 14:09Tom McCarthy?

  But then it made me think, right? And, and, and so I, and then I was reading Wayne Dyer's books at a

• 14:14Ed Mylett?

  Me too.

• 14:14Tom McCarthy?

  Much younger age than most people because of the, the pain, right? And me wanting to grow out of it. So it was a huge gift. And yeah, the, the conscious mind is what most people think they have, right? You know, this thing I'm thinking with, I'm observing with, I'm making decisions with. And you're right, right? You know, we have a conscious mind. It processes 40 bits of information per second. That's pretty cool. But down below the subconscious, I call it the super conscious because it's a million times more powerful. We've got this part of our mind that can process 40 million bits of information per second. And I believe the mind actually extends outside of the body. I don't believe it's like located in the body. I believe the mind, like you probably have had this

• 14:56Tom McCarthy?

  happen dozens of times where you're thinking of somebody and then all of a sudden they call you up like, well, how the heck did that? And someone you haven't heard from in two or three months.

• 15:04Ed Mylett?

  Yep.

• 15:04Tom McCarthy?

  Like, where did that come from? Like, we take for granted that we can get on a cell phone and call somebody. But also our energy, right? All we are is energy. Energy follows thought. You think of somebody, energy is, is going out. Your, your mind is sending that out. It's extending beyond your body. And I've got some really, a cool story. I'll tell you about my son later on that too, but

• 15:25Ed Mylett?

  Tell me now, I want to hear it.

• 15:26Tom McCarthy?

  Well, so my son was an athlete and he played college basketball. He got hurt one year, had a concussion. Playing at Harvard, so he had a fifth year. And so he goes to school called Rice to play his fifth year. Yep. And he's, he's not feeling good. His hips hurting, his knees hurting, and then his back goes out. Like a twenty, you know, two, twenty-three-year-old kid. They take him in, they tell him, you know, you've got the largest herniated disc we've ever seen in a kid your age. You know, we're gonna have to inject you. So they put him under, inject him, and it didn't work. Hmm. And I, I told him, I said, look, a lot of pain in your body is mind-body pain.

• 16:05Tom McCarthy?

  It's repressing emotions, not letting them flow through, you know, being a perfectionist, people-pleaser, anger, a lot of the ones I've had over my life that I've had to get beyond. And I said, uh, read this book, The Mind-Body Prescription by Dr. John Sarno. He listened to it three times. Uh, they wanted to get him back in, talk about surgery, everything else. His pain went away, and it's never returned since. So he's a big believer in the mind. So anyways, it takes me to this story. He was working on a deal to buy a company. He doesn't want me to tell the name of the company, but it's a company everyone would recognize. And he had some senior partners and, uh, so they're, they're gonna buy this company. And they're raising some capital to, to do the transaction.

• 16:47Tom McCarthy?

  And I told my son, I said, look, program your mind, your super-conscious mind, that you're always in the right place at the right time. And he's a big believer in the mind, so he did it, right? He didn't say, no, that's not gonna work. He did it. He calls me up a week later, he goes, Dad, you're never gonna believe what happened. I'm like, what? He said, well, I'm walking down the street, it was in West Hollywood. This guy's jogging towards me, and all of a sudden, this guy stops right in front of me. And he goes, the guy told him, he goes, I don't know why I'm stopping right in front of you, but something tells me I need to talk to you. So they get in this conversation. Yeah. And my son didn't learn a lot about him, but the guy, you know, he asked my son, what are you doing? He goes, you know, my son said, I'm an investor. He goes, look, if you ever need to talk, uh, let me know. He gave him some information. My son goes back and looks him up.

• 17:30Tom McCarthy?

  The guy's a billionaire, and he also runs a four-billion-dollar private equity fund. Uh, they have lunch a few days later, and then they, they have dinner a couple of days later. And the guy ends up, unfortunately, the deal didn't go through, but the guy ends up committing like a hundred million dollars to the deal. And brings in a friend that commits a hundred million dollars. Crazy. Being in the right place at the right time. Now, how, how did that happen? Like, was that just coincidence?

• 17:54Ed Mylett?

  On the spinning earth.

• 17:55Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah.

• 17:56Ed Mylett?

  On all the streets of all the humans, they run into each other.

• 17:59Tom McCarthy?

  And the guy said, "I never even run this way," right? You know, he goes, he goes, "I don't even know why I'm stopping."

• 18:04Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 18:04Tom McCarthy?

  So I think, and, and listen, is that gonna happen? "I'm always in the right place, right time." Right. "Where, where's my opportunity?" It doesn't happen like that. You and I know. That's what everyone wants.

• 18:14Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 18:15Tom McCarthy?

  But it does happen, and we have so many of these instances. And with your work and what I'm trying to help people do, we can help people create more of these great

• 18:24Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 18:24Tom McCarthy?

  shifts in reality.

• 18:25Ed Mylett?

  You're right down the alley I wanted to go in this interview. So I want to stay on super conscious mind and energy just for a little bit. Stay on that zone, because you have a bunch of other stuff I want to get into as well. About practical application, so how does one begin to program their sub or super conscious mind? What does that look like? Is it repetitive thought? Is it writing things down? Do you believe in visualizations? What, what would be a strategy you would give everybody here to say, "This is a step to begin to program this part of your brain that's a million times more powerful than your conscious mind."

• 18:54Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah, yeah. First thing you've got to do is you've got to get into a relaxed state, an alpha brainwave state, which is almost, you know, meditative state. But you can get there really quickly. Like, literally, you can just look up. Like, if you look up, like, uh, you know, keep your head facing forward, but you just raise your eyes up. That'll put you into an alpha state fairly quickly. And, but you can't, the, the way that most people tried to do it in the past, when I was, I'm older than you, but you might have seen this too. As I said, you know, affirmations. And you would say these affirmations, but there would be no emotion involved, or that there's no real energy. And then they go, "Didn't work." Well, of course it didn't work. Like, if you, if you say something like, "I'm always in the right place at the right time." Like, that did nothing to my super conscious mind.

• 19:40Tom McCarthy?

  So what is the super conscious looking for? It's looking for pictures, it's looking for feelings, right? And, and so, uh, one of the habits, I've got three big ideas in the book. The first one is focus on less and then obsess. But the obsess part is not a, you know, "Every single second I've got to be thinking about it." That's actually detrimental, because it means you're not trusting. The super conscious in the process. Okay. And I, I think a couple of times a day, you've got to work with your super conscious, get in a relaxed state. Best times are right when you wake up, right? You're already relaxed, right before you go to bed. Maybe another time during the day, few minutes. But you've got to, and again, this is stuff I'm sure they've heard a million times from you because I know that you do it too. But you've got to see it, you've got to feel it, and you've got to believe it, and then you can let it go.

• 20:25Tom McCarthy?

  Now, we need repetition. I'm not saying do it once and that's all you do, but, but a couple of times a day is fine. It's not like every single minute. If you want to do it more, that's fine. If you do it more, do it not out of fear, oh my God, I better do it again. So the super, do it out of just confidence, do it out of joy, do it out of fun. And the super conscious will start to accept that. Yes. Now, there is another thing that people have to do though, and, and again, this is part of what you talk about too. You do have to let go of old baggage because when we're trying to put new, great stuff into our mind, but we put it on a crappy foundation, it's not as powerful. How does one do that? Let go of old baggage? Yeah.

• 21:07Tom McCarthy?

  Lots of ways. Uh, I just did on Instagram, I did seven different ways you could do it. But there's a lot of energy psychology techniques you can use. The one that I have in the book, I, it's just a total mind game. But I call it the shredder. And so you picture, and people might think this is silly, this is crazy. But life is a mind game. Life is a mind game. What you think your life is, is a total mind game. You're playing this up. So if, if, if a memory keeps coming up and keeps bugging you and makes you feel less confident than you want, like, rather than just let that rattle around in your head, let's do something with it. Let's, let's teach the mind, we don't want it anymore.

• 21:47Tom McCarthy?

  And so the shredder, you literally just picture a paper shredder, you know, eee, you know, those shredders. So you literally just picture a paper shredder and imagine this event, right? Where maybe you failed or you, you got embarrassed or you couldn't figure something out or whatever it was. And, and just run it mentally in your imagination, totally in your imagination, run it through the shredder. And then run it through like three or four times and now the mind goes because remember it likes pictures and feelings. Now the mind goes, oh, you don't want us to bring that up anymore.

• 22:20Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 22:20Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah.

• 22:20Ed Mylett?

  Okay, everybody, I want to go back. So all of this is gold. It's Tom, it's more gold than you realize it is because you teach it every day. Okay, so I want to go back. Number one, the shredder concept. People can go back and listen to old stuff I have. I talk about how you're picturing it and it's like a CD. Like a DVD. And if you ever had a DVD skipping, you can't watch it anymore. But if you're old enough to remember DVDs, right? I used to say, scratch it, scratch it, scratch it. And it literally will scratch it where I can't play the damn DVD of this video anymore. You're putting it into a shredder.

• 22:50Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah.

• 22:51Ed Mylett?

  This is incredibly important stuff, guys, to reprogram the way you think. And again, it's not that sophisticated. It's just a matter of doing it repetitiously on a regular basis. So whether it's shredder or scratching the old DVD. Or you can picture if you're watching Netflix, your internet breaks down and it gets all scrambled. Just picture it getting scrambled. Picture it getting scrambled. This tells your mind you don't want it anymore. So that's, that's really, really important. The other thing you can do is you can play goofy music over it.

• 23:15Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah.

• 23:16Ed Mylett?

  You start watching this stupid video of this thing you're afraid of, you start going. I used to play the theme song from Sanford and Son. Now I'm really dating myself. You and I know the show. Everybody else go Google it right now. But I would watch these videos of things I feared and I go.

• 23:33Ed Mylett?

  Right. But it scrambles. It tells the mind, don't pull this file up anymore. So that's huge, you guys. Shredder, DVD, internet breaks down. Funny music over it. The second thing he said that I want to go back and just reinforce is that when you are programming your mind, typically for most people, there's visual. The feeling kinesthetic and then auditory. Okay. Affirmations are the least effective for most people because it's auditory. And your body rejects it when you say it. They don't believe it. So your body doesn't feel it. I'm a winner. I'm a winner. But if you don't believe that, your body rejects it. It doesn't feel it. It can't see it. So this is important. The most powerful is a visual picture. And then if you can give yourself the gift of what it would feel like to be in that moment and you feel it in your body.

• 24:17Ed Mylett?

  Part of your subconscious mind is located in your body. Tom's work says it's not just located there. But when you feel something, your body begins to own it. That's why, for example. There's triggers in your life and then we'll move on to the next thing, but I just want to give everybody the gift of this is why I wanted you here today is us going back and forth on this stuff because I think we're two of the best on the planet about it. You ever had food poisoning before? I got food poisoning like three years ago on a tuna melt. And I love tuna, right? But I like protein, it's one, I cannot smell a tuna melt now, just the smell of one gets you sick again. Why? Because it gave me all three. It gave me the visual of the sandwich, the feeling of being sick, right? And then obviously what I was saying when I was being sick, that trilogy, all I gotta

• 24:59Ed Mylett?

  do is see one and I go into that state. So this is how we program our mind. You already do it, folks. It's a matter of taking control of it and doing it repetitiously. Okay. By the way, last thing, the gaze where he said how to get into your subconscious mind. I'll often teach my athletes, even in the middle of a game when they're in a big crowd, gaze off into the distance at nothing. It puts you into that state and now you're in your, you can get into your mind. Okay. So all huge stuff right there. I'm here and everybody writes stuff down. I want to go back to big idea, number one, because I just want to make sure we've exhausted the thought on it. I wrote it down here. This is one of the things I want to ask you about. Focus on less than obsess. Now, you said earlier, you said a few minutes ago, that doesn't mean do it all the time, but do you mean as an overall life strategy as well? Do you think people are doing too many things? Or do you mean that just in the sense of programming one's mind?

• 25:42Tom McCarthy?

  Are you a great, I know you're a very good golfer. Are you a great dancer?

• 25:46Ed Mylett?

  No.

• 25:46Tom McCarthy?

  Okay. Do you want to be?

• 25:48Ed Mylett?

  I could care less.

• 25:48Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah. So you're not focused on that. So there's lots of things that, that we do, but you know, occasionally you're gonna go and maybe dance. I've been dancing a long time.

• 25:57Ed Mylett?

  I didn't in college, everybody. Don't go to YouTube.

• 25:59Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah. But, but my point is, because the book is called The Breakthrough Code, like where you want to have a breakthrough, like a, a really dramatic, exciting breakthrough. You're not going to have 50 of them and, and over the course of the next week. You're going to have to apply some focus and, and you know, what's the difference between a light bulb and a, a laser? Just focus, right? A light bulb will light up a room, a laser will cut through something. So you've got to laser in on the breakthrough. My, the subtitle of my book is, is Living a Life Without Limits, right? I don't like limits. I don't like people saying you can't do this, or this can't be done. I just, that pisses me off and it motivates the heck out of me. I'm sure it motivates you too, right?

• 26:42Ed Mylett?

  Yes, absolutely.

• 26:42Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah, and so, but, but to really get the power to create a breakthrough in an area, maybe it's your health, uh, maybe it's financially, or in your business, or in a relationship, you've got to focus in. And you've got to make it a priority, and, and that's all I'm talking about. You've got to tell the mind, "Look, I know you've got a lot going on, but this is really important." And I think you could have maybe three of those going at any point in time.

• 27:04Ed Mylett?

  Totally agree with you, by the way. I think some, I think you've got to pick an area and laser in on it, to use your terminology. Why? It's connected to the second thing we're going to talk about, which is energy. When you're focused on a lot of different things, you've depleted the energy, right? And you say in the book, you say, or you, one of the talks too, is that Einstein says, "Everything is energy." Not some things, everything is energy. Driving here to do the interview today, I've had a little bit of rest lately. And I knew today was going to be awesome, because I was coming in, I'm like, I, I'm vibrating at a high frequency today. I know what it feels like to be vibrating at a high enough frequency where I'm going to produce a great result, and I know what it feels like oftentimes where I am not. And the last few weeks, frankly, just between my new TV show, On Nozy, everybody.

• 27:49Ed Mylett?

  Go see it on Nozy, starts August 22nd. Uh, the different things I've had in my life, my new book, all this other stuff, I've just not been vibrating at quite the energy level that I know is the success level that I need to be at. So talk a little bit about this. You said something in this, I've never heard someone say about cells and volts of energy, and like, you can actually prove almost, uh, with, with neuroscience, or chemistry, or math, why this is actually true. So let's go to the energy thing for a second, and how one might direct it.

• 28:17Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah, so everything is energy and not just us, right? You know, the, the cells and atoms and in our body, but everything like this, this table that we're, it's just condensed energy, this table right in front of us here. Everything's energy and everything's created twice. First inside, then outside, right? This table was an idea in somebody's head at one point in time. And, and then they, you know, through work, they formed energy. And now we've got a table that we can put our hands on and, and microphones and everything. So, uh, everything's energy and, and Einstein also, uh, he, he was a big believer in the imagination and that energy follows thought. And so when we think of thought, energy follows that.

• 28:59Tom McCarthy?

  When the president of the Ukraine was thinking, hey, we need help here. Like energy was, was, was behind that thought and that thought came to you. You heard it and I heard it and, and all of a sudden like we're, we're rooting for him, right? We're rallying for them. So when you understand here, the, the challenge, I think most people have that is they live so firmly planted in this physical world of the only thing that exists is what I can touch, what I can see, what I can feel, but everything's created twice. So there's things you can't touch, see and feel that are being created now. They're not in physical reality yet. They're in the non-physical, but that's where all the greatness starts.

• 29:40Tom McCarthy?

  And when someone's struggling, all they can see is what is already there for them and they get stuck and then they conform. What I think we as human beings ideally should do, and this is hard because it's fun to live in the physical world and you've got all these great houses, you know, I, we have, I have different toys and fun things and, and it's fun and that's why we're here. So I like doing that, but we also have to have ideally a foot in the non-physical where there are no boundaries and where energy is waiting to, it's just literally saying, what do you want, Ed? And what do you want? Like everything you have, you're telling me about your, you know, beautiful homes. Those all came from first you directing energy inside you to go out and make those opportunities real.

• 30:23Ed Mylett?

  Okay, brother. No one's ever said that on the show before and it's so true. One, I talk a lot about, I think 99% of people operate out of a pattern of thinking that is history and memory. 1% of humans have worked to the extent that they operate of imagination and vision. They actually have that as their operating platform. The people that I naturally enjoy their energy. To quote you, our people operate out of imagination. And by the way, you can just take an inventory of yourself and the people around you. How many of your conversations, your thoughts are about imagining and visioning? And how many of them are about history and memory? And in my life, I've just sort of, as I've gotten older, gravitated. But I'm telling you, almost everything I accomplish or that I do, I consciously begin to think about it. So out of the physical, I've never heard someone phrase it that way before. It's exactly what I do.

• 31:08Ed Mylett?

  I'm working on a few things right now. My process unconsciously, now that I'm 51 years old and has repeated it over 30 years, my process is to actually sit, get in a quiet, meditative state to some extent. And I'm not, I'm talking about holding my hands and praying. I'm talking about just getting alone almost for me is that state. And it is to have a thought and then I am actually, literally intentionally pouring energy into the thought. I'm trying to pour more and more and more energy into the thought. And then I actually separate from it and I get away from it for a while. And I let it just sit with its energy. And then I pour more and more and more energy into that vision and that imagination. And it amazes me how the world begins to conspire to help me make it true. Whether it's that running on the street or a conversation today,

• 31:52Ed Mylett?

  or something I then read and I'm like, what in the, why does this pop up? Right? So this is the process of creativity. It's thinking and then flooding it with energy. And the more successful you become, the more you have some wins, the more you begin to understand what that feels like when you're actually doing it.

• 32:10Tom McCarthy?

  And it's liberating because now you know there's nothing that can stop you.

• 32:13Ed Mylett?

  Right.

• 32:14Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah. And that's what most people don't have. They literally think there's lots of things out there that can stop them. And they're not willing to take that leap of faith. And you've got to take the leap of faith in the beginning. Like people that are listening to this that haven't, that, you know, that are not at Ed's level yet, just know at one, at one point, he was at your level, right? But he just outgrew that. And it wasn't because, you know, he or me or anyone else is better than anybody else. It's just we're using the tools that everyone's using. As a matter of fact, people that are struggling, the reason they're struggling is because their subconscious is so powerful that it's taking all this information that they've put in that life's a struggle. Life's hard. You can never get ahead. And it's making it absolutely true for them.

• 32:59Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, so I so know that it's not that I'm different, which is why I'm in this space. I know humans can change. I know the reality can change because I'm so aware of my own limitations. I'm so aware of how many things I am either average at or sub-average at, that if I can produce certain things in my life, because this is not even humility. I just realize my own limitations in terms of my intellect, or my strength, or my upbringing, or my experiences, that if I can produce these things in my life, I absolutely, 1 million percent sure, know you listening to this or watching this can as well. And there is a process. It is both art and science. The art part, you're gonna figure out as you go.

• 33:42Ed Mylett?

  The science part, which is what we're talking about today, is absolutely a replicatable process that you can start with. So, let's start with a few of what those things are. I wanna go back one thing, because you just used a term I've not heard before, which is "use your own electricity." And so, just, I wanna just, like, what does that mean to you? Because people say "energy." I think a lot of people have heard the term "energy" before, and they're like, "Look, I just don't get it," you know? But electricity...

• 34:07Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah.

• 34:07Ed Mylett?

  I don't think most people look at themselves as electric. And they are. And it's almost like, use the example of a light, everyone, God bless you, but if you really are an electrical being, it's so sad to dim your light over time.

• 34:21Tom McCarthy?

  Great analogy, I like that, yeah.

• 34:23Ed Mylett?

  Me too, and just reading your work, and you've reduced your electrical charge. And the external evidence of that is the lights dimming in your life. The cool part is that at any given time, you can start to take control and charge of your electricity. I just like that term better than "energy." So, are we electric, actually, as human beings? And maybe like, one thought or concept about how one begins to up their amp level, so to speak?

• 34:50Tom McCarthy?

  So, Bruce Lipton, who you're probably familiar with, Biology Belief, he's the one that I got the data from on, each cell has a certain charge, and we've got, I can't even remember since I wrote it, but we have, you know, like, billions or trillions of cells in our bodies. So, yeah, we got a lot of electricity. Like, we could light up a city if we used it effectively. I really love what you just said, though, like, because I've never thought of it like someone dimming their light, because I think that really is what's happening, or what's happened to a lot of people. It's not like they don't have the the charge available, but they've got it on the dimmer, right? And they're and they're just so used to having it dimmed out that they think that's all there is.

• 35:32Tom McCarthy?

  You and I, the reason we do this, and I've been doing this a long time, and, you know, don't necessarily have to do it anymore, but I really feel like my purpose, and I know your purpose, is to help people understand they can do so much more. And it's not about doing more, it's about really expressing themselves and living their purpose and do the work that they came here to do. And I think a lot of people have lost sight of that, or they're not even clear what that is.

• 35:59Ed Mylett?

  Well, part of it's that story, don't you think? And I think we have lots of stories we tell ourselves, and most of them we've told us ourselves so many times, and we've gathered so much evidence in our life to prove our story true, that we're so buried in it, that we're not even really aware that we are actually living a story we've told ourselves. And if we're both right about that, and we are right about that, how does how does a human being begin to change the narrative of their life? Do they just sit down and say, I'm gonna write a new chapter in my book, and I'm a new character? Or what would you recommend somebody do to start to say, look, I do need to, I'm not even aware of all the stories I'm telling myself, but I do want to tell myself a new one.

• 36:44Ed Mylett?

  Where would they begin?

• 36:45Tom McCarthy?

  Well, the first thing is, dig into the pain, and and let go of, start letting go of that, like, really, and that's, I mean, I, I'll probably do that to the day I die, right? You know, I'm not feeling good, not that motivated, I'm not just gonna go, you know, I feel great, I feel great, I feel great. I mean, that can work, short, short term, but I, but I really want to go, like, what the heck's behind this? Like, what is dragging me down? What, what am I thinking? What, what's popping up? Where's that coming from? And then, you know, I shred it, or, or whatever, there's tons of different things, I loved yours, too. Lots of different things you can do, but, but that's the first thing, is to really free up, because... And people probably can't see, but if I'm holding this bottle in my hand,

• 37:26Tom McCarthy?

  and then I'm trying to put another bottle in, you know, a better bottle, like I can't do it. As a matter of fact, do this, this is a funny little exercise. So start, take your right foot and just start doing it clockwise and every, so just kind of spinning clockwise. And now while you're doing that,

• 37:41Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 37:41Tom McCarthy?

  I want you to take your hand and do the letter six. So tips, put your hand up, the letter six.

• 37:48Ed Mylett?

  Okay.

• 37:48Tom McCarthy?

  But no, take your right hand.

• 37:50Ed Mylett?

  Okay.

• 37:50Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. So letter six and is what's happening to your foot?

• 37:54Ed Mylett?

  My foot went the other way.

• 37:55Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah, because see your mind can only do one thing at one time.

• 37:58Ed Mylett?

  You sucker, that just happened.

• 37:59Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah. Your foot started spinning the other way, right?

• 38:03Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, it started going the other way.

• 38:04Tom McCarthy?

  Because your mind is like, hey, wait a minute. It's very powerful, but it can only really do focus on one thing at one time. So we've got to, we've got to get the garbage out, the old baggage out. And it's a continual process because stuff, it reminds me of like at college when you went to the cafeteria and you took a plate and then another plate pops up. Remember that?

• 38:24Ed Mylett?

  Yes, yes.

• 38:24Tom McCarthy?

  And that's what's going to happen in your life. So you're never going to be done. Like, you know, people look at, oh, my God, Ed's so successful. He's so amazing. Hey, he's still working on himself, I bet. I know I am.

• 38:34Ed Mylett?

  Hundred percent.

• 38:35Tom McCarthy?

  And I'm older than you.

• 38:36Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 38:36Tom McCarthy?

  So.

• 38:37Ed Mylett?

  It's really good to have someone on the show older than me, bud.

• 38:41Ed Mylett?

  What about old patterns? So you got a story and then you got patterns, right? And I have friends, I know you do this. One of the downsides, if you're a movie, I have movie producer friends. And one of the things that just sucks for them is they can't watch a movie the same way anymore.

• 38:55Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah.

• 38:56Ed Mylett?

  Because they're like, ah, the editing this, the lighting that, they can't actually enjoy the movie, right?

• 38:59Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah.

• 39:00Ed Mylett?

  And for me and you, because we're in sort of the, part of what we both do is the human behavior business. Sometimes it's hard for me even with my friends to watch them because I'm, I'm like, God, they're doing their pattern thing right now, you know? Because I notice patterns in people. Yet most people are oblivious of their patterns. So you have a pattern of thinking, you have a pattern of emotions. You have the story you're telling yourself. But just discuss a little bit like old patterns and replacing those patterns and how important that is in our life. Because this pattern produces the emotion. Produces a behavior, produces a result, it just keeps happening over and over again with our patterns.

• 39:34Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah. A couple of things pop in my mind, like the pattern that got me in trouble with chronic fatigue was like not resting and thinking I always need to be on, always have my mind working. I was traveling all over the world, not sleeping. I had to change that pattern, right? That pattern would have, I mean, it, the chronic fatigue was a gift. It was, it was terrible and it, I felt like a 95-year-old man, but it was a real gift for me, but I had to shift that pattern. It wasn't, wasn't just taking a medication, it wasn't just, you know, and I did all sorts of alternative things, but what really had, what I really found that worked from this guy that got over quick, I had to re, I had to basically reset my amygdala. You know, I was in fight or flight, like all the time, I had that pattern.

• 40:18Tom McCarthy?

  I had to fix that pattern, then my health returned. When I was working with the, the water skier, going back to that story, so she said, you know, this person can never be beat, I'm really struggling, I'm really nervous, when I get there, I don't want to go, when I look at the back of the boat, I look at the judges and I'm thinking, oh my God, I'm going to make a huge mistake. And this, she was ranked number two in the world. But we got rid of that stuff, all those old memories, shredded that, got rid of that. And then I said, all right, if you, because the world championships she was getting ready for, I said, if you could have anything happen in the world championships, what would you want? What do you think she said?

• 40:53Ed Mylett?

  I hope she said she wanted to win a gold medal.

• 40:55Tom McCarthy?

  I thought she was going to say that, but she didn't say that. She said something actually even cooler. She said, you know what, I want to, I want to nail my routine. I'm working on this routine, I want to nail it. And whatever happens, if I nail it, that's all I need to do. I said, I like that.

• 41:08Ed Mylett?

  Within her control.

• 41:09Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah. And this is what you do. And so then you work backwards, right? That's the, that's the result you want. And I don't even say goal, goals to me, like when I think of goals, it's like, ah, it's the goal I want, I might get there. Result is like, you got it, it's nailed. So I said, what, what result do you want? And she said, I want to nail my routine. I said, all right, if you knew you were going to nail your routine, what would you be thinking when you were waiting there for them to call your name? She said, oh, I'd be thinking, let's go, baby. Call my name. You know, call my name, call my name. I probably was saying that. And I said, when, when you get in the water and you look at the judges on the back of the boat, what would you be thinking? If you knew you were going to nail it, like if you're absolutely certain you're going to nail it. She said, what, look at them and I'd be thinking? You're in for a treat. I said, don't say that out loud, but I like that.

• 41:54Tom McCarthy?

  And she had like a series of, of, of things, a new story that she was gonna tell herself. I remember leaving though, and this is interesting because this is what happens with pretty much everybody. I remember leaving there and she had come up with this great story and she was so excited about it. I'm getting ready to leave. She goes, stop, stop. I said, what? She goes, it doesn't feel real. I go, of course not. You just came up with it. I said, so what you have to do is every practice with your coach, imagine it's the world championships. And even have your coach go, you know, Sandy, you're up next and feel that, right? You know, yeah, it's my turn. Let's go. Get in the boat, get in the water. Hold the, the whatever thing you hold, like the toe rope, right?

• 42:38Tom McCarthy?

  And, and look at the empty boat, or maybe it's just your coach, but imagine those judges there and look at them and say, you're in for a treat today. I got this. And, and she did over time and I worked with her one more time. She goes into the world championships with this incredible story and she finishes eighth. I'm just kidding. That would be a terrible story. That's not true.

• 42:58Ed Mylett?

  I'm like, what?

• 42:58Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah, no. Get out, get out of the studio right now, he's gonna say.

• 43:02Ed Mylett?

  This guy's good. Eight, alright.

• 43:03Tom McCarthy?

  She won the world championship.

• 43:05Ed Mylett?

  That's freaking awesome.

• 43:06Tom McCarthy?

  And she beat this person that had never been beaten before, but not only that, because sometimes someone can have a bad day. She set the world record.

• 43:12Ed Mylett?

  Oh my gosh.

• 43:12Tom McCarthy?

  And then she came back the next year just to prove it wasn't a fluke and won again.

• 43:16Ed Mylett?

  Oh, that's so good.

• 43:17Tom McCarthy?

  But, and that wasn't me. That was just her changing her story.

• 43:21Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, that's awesome.

• 43:22Tom McCarthy?

  When you help someone, it's not you. I didn't do anything like, I just helped you kind of figure out what your story needs to be.

• 43:29Ed Mylett?

  100%. And she said something so huge there, which is that when you first begin this picture or a new story, I don't believe it's real. It's not supposed to, but eventually, stay with this everybody. This is why you have to keep doing it. Eventually our minds always move towards what it's familiar with. So right now you keep moving towards your old story because it's so familiar. So the first time you tell the new story, it doesn't feel real. The second time, the third time, but somewhere along the line, all of a sudden it feels 40% real. Then it feels 70% real. And then eventually, like any thought you've ever had, it eventually becomes familiar to you. Yep. And familiarity is where our mind is going to move. And so if you continue to repeat that story to yourself,

• 44:13Ed Mylett?

  there will be a point where it is real. And then you begin to gather evidence from your life. Oh, this is right. This happened, this happened, this happened. And then you become superhuman in regards to that one vision you have for your life. So you'll always move towards what you're most familiar with. That's why the first, that's why most people quit on it. It didn't work. I tried your thing. I tried that thing for like, how long? Well, two weeks. Yeah. Really, two weeks? How many times do you, uh, three? Yeah. Okay, well, yeah. Come see me in nine months. Come see me in 18 months. See me in 24 months. When not only your subconscious is doing it, but now your conscious is picking up actual evidence of your life that this is true. And eventually, it is, it does become who you are. By the way, that's how you got where you are now. That's right. You are where you are now because at first it was just some stupid thought you had,

• 44:58Ed Mylett?

  but then you had it again, and then you had it again, and then you had it again. And then you proved it, and then you proved it again, and then you had it again. And now you're familiar with it and you live it. And so that's how you change it as well. Now, there are things you can do immediately. Yeah. That we're going to talk about in a second. Okay. Next thing that I love that you write about, this is so good, by the way, brother. I told you we're going to go a certain amount of time. We're probably going to go a little bit longer because it's so good. Identity. Uh, we both talk about identity a great deal. And I think it's almost invisible to most people. So, you know, when you really listen to someone or you watch them, you can begin to hear their identity. I'm working with a couple new athletes right now. And people ask me all the time, what do you work with when you're with athletes? Or what do you work with when you're with a CEO of a company or an entertainer or whatever? It might be Say My Name, Say My Name, which I think might be Beyonce. I'm not completely right.

• 45:43Ed Mylett?

  Am I right about that? Probably, yeah. I am right about that. The fact that I know that is pretty bizarre. And if I'm wrong, it's close enough, everybody. But it was rattling in my head. Yeah. So, um, anyway, I might be right. It's close. But what I work with, usually when I'm talking with athletes or working with them, there's all kinds of different techniques. But at the end of the day, if I distilled it down, it's both their confidence and their identity. Mm-hmm. At the top levels, people still struggle with confidence. When you see an athlete go in a slump, is that they don't know how to hit anymore? Yeah. No, couple negative results happened. They started to move towards that story.

• 46:13Tom McCarthy?

  Mm hmm.

• 46:14Ed Mylett?

  And all of a sudden, they're lacking confidence. And so if you have to work on your self-confidence or your identity, welcome to being a human. And I'm talking about people that have led big countries, run big companies, are the top athletes in the world. I think a lot of people think, well, I struggle with my confidence, so I'm not like these other people. It's natural to them. Yeah, right. Until they have a big setback and then it's not so natural.

• 46:36Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah.

• 46:36Ed Mylett?

  Or they just have this amazing identity and they just have more, mm, yeah, until they don't anymore, until the success is stripped of them.

• 46:47Ed Mylett?

  So how does one begin to build a new identity and how important is it?

• 46:53Tom McCarthy?

  It's everything. You know, your identity is your most critical story that's inside of you that shapes everything you see. Like, we think we see the world uh, with our eyes, right? We think we hear things with our ears, but you really don't. You hear with your, your story, right? You see with your story. And identity is like your truest, most uh, precious part of your story, the one that you're gonna like stand up for day after day. And a lot of people do have identities that are not supporting them. Uh, you know, they have identities or belief systems around. Like, I've, I've written a couple of books on speaking, public speaking, right? I've been speaking all around the world for years and years and years. And so we'll train somebody and they'll go, you know, I always get nervous

• 47:39Tom McCarthy?

  right before I speak. And, and I, and, and what I try and do is like, that can't be the way you think about this. And they go, well, no, I get over it. I go, yeah, but nervousness, you're either in one of two emotional states, I'm gonna generalize here a little bit, uh, when you do anything. You're either in a protective state, you're walking in, like, if I come in here and I'm going, all right, I don't know this guy, what's he gonna ask me?

• 48:05Ed Mylett?

  Mm hmm.

• 48:05Tom McCarthy?

  Uh, you know, I'm in a protective state, I'm not gonna be as good. Words aren't gonna flow, the mind's not gonna work. Or I'm in a growth state, right? Like, I've already flubbed some words, made some mistakes. I don't even worry about that when I'm speaking. I don't even worry about that. I probably made like eighty-four mistakes already. Right, if we've been counting, yeah, I'm I'm just kidding, I've been counting. But it doesn't bother me, right? Because I'm not worried about that. My identity is is not that. I've got to be perfect every single time. My name is just, I give everything I've got. I'm gonna just pour everything I have into this. And we're gonna have some fun. But my identity, and I'm sure yours has shifted a lot, you know, from childhood. I was that person that thought life was hard. I thought I was that person that thought life wasn't fricking fair, man. Why don't?

• 48:48Tom McCarthy?

  How come I don't have a dad? I had to shift that. I had to shift that. And at the core of who we are is our identity. And and when you really get clear on what that is, you can, and if you don't like it, you don't have to stick with it, right? You can shift it and change it. I love what you were saying earlier. It's to me, it's like carving away at something.

• 49:08Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 49:08Tom McCarthy?

  So I don't look at it as like one and not, right? You know, I know there's some lag time, but I'm just gonna carve away today, carve away, carve away, carve away. And then it does start feeling more and more real, and then you're living it. And then life is so much easier because you're not even seeing the same world you used to see.

• 49:25Ed Mylett?

  So true.

• 49:25Tom McCarthy?

  It's a completely different world you're experiencing. And that may be hard for people to imagine, like, what do you mean it's a different world? Like, everyone sees the same thing? No, they don't.

• 49:32Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 49:32Tom McCarthy?

  I had a friend, I was in a car accident. It wasn't bad, but we were in Hawaii, this friend of mine, CEO of a company was driving, his daughter was in the back, she was like six years old. And somebody hit him in from behind. So his experience was he's pissed off, like gets out, you know, he's kind of angry. And I'm sitting in the car, his daughter in the back, you know, she called me Uncle Uncle T, she goes, hey, Uncle T. Goes, can we go out and look? She goes, this is so exciting, right? You know, this is so, I've never been in an accident before. So people don't see the same thing.

• 50:06Ed Mylett?

  They do not.

• 50:07Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah.

• 50:07Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, dude, brother, that is such a good example. On identity, there's little pieces of ourselves that we begin to realize, like, I used to hear people say, I'll give you one little subtle thing that might help everybody. I was just thinking of it when you said it. Why here and I say this often too like my a lot of my the separation is in the preparation I say or like you know a lot of my confidence comes from how prepared I am.

• 50:28Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah.

• 50:28Ed Mylett?

  It's a real fine line with that though because years ago it it drifted into something dangerous for me. So yeah, I do think you need to be prepared. But I think a lot of people it holds them back is the threshold of what they think they need to know before they act.

• 50:43Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah.

• 50:43Ed Mylett?

  You agree with that?

• 50:44Tom McCarthy?

  Absolutely.

• 50:44Ed Mylett?

  So like they they get this preparation thing conflated where they go, yeah, and so I'm just preparing.

• 50:49Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah.

• 50:49Ed Mylett?

  And if I just knew a little bit more about it, if I was a little bit more prepared, if I had a little bit more knowledge, if I went to one more seminar, if I read one more book, if I just had one more exercise, then I take action. What I find is the identity level of people that do find bliss, do find successes, their threshold for what they think they need to know before they leap is lower. And the people that struggle, the threshold of what they think they need to know or be prepared or capable of is so high that they never quite meet that threshold to take a leap. That was just a subtle thing.

• 51:21Tom McCarthy?

  That is such a great point because I you know, there's people in life that whatever they do, they just seem to get the ball in the end zone.

• 51:28Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 51:28Tom McCarthy?

  And and you know, were they more prepared? Maybe, but a lot of times they weren't. And then there's people that and they're good people, but they always need that extra little thing and and that you know, they're never quite ready and everything looks good and then it doesn't work out. Uh, I do a little test with this stuff on me and I'm sure you do it on you too. But I do some crazy things, right? Like, um, I was asked years ago, actually it was 2005. So it was many years ago. I was asked to play in this poker tournament. Now, I'd played poker exactly one time in my life and it was back in college. So it was 20 years before.

• 52:03Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 52:03Tom McCarthy?

  And and these guys are saying, you know, come on, it's gonna be great. There's gonna be some World Series of Poker. Uh, uh, players that play in the world championships that are gonna be there. I'm like, guys, I don't even know how to play. I don't even remember anything. They go, oh, yeah, come on, you're gonna be fun. So I said, all right, I'll do it. And I said, so you gotta spend, I told one of the guys, you gotta spend 10 minutes with me. And and just show me the hands like and remind me of the rules and things like that. Yeah, exactly, exactly. But I didn't watch and and you know, because I'm not. I don't play poker. I haven't played since, but I didn't watch tutorials. I didn't read books. And I only had like a week to prepare. But here's what I did. Every time, because my identity was, at first, it was like, I'm gonna suck at this. I'm gonna embarrass myself. I'm gonna lose early.

• 52:48Tom McCarthy?

  And I'm like, no, stop that. Stop. I said, put a new thought process in, put a new belief system in. And literally, this is crazy, but I told myself over and over again that I made great decisions, and I found a way to win. And every time I thought of it, and I didn't, you know, I didn't proactively think of a lot, but every time I thought about, oh, that thing's coming up. Yep, I made great decisions, found a way to win. Now, when I said it, though, I was like, in a confident state, right? I made sure I matched what I wanted to, uh, the, this, the emotional state that I wanted to have. And I literally believed that I was gonna win the damn thing, right? And so, I remember I'm getting ready to leave, and my, uh, so my wife knew I'd never played before, or played once. And she, I said, hey, I'm getting ready to leave, go to that poker tournament. She goes, what time's it start?

• 53:32Tom McCarthy?

  I said, 6:30. She goes, I'll see you at 7. And so, anyways, I went. I didn't even let that, right? Because you got the naysayers. She was just playing with me. We've been married 30 years. You just met her. Yep. Uh, but I went, and, and I just, you know, I had this confidence, like, unearned confidence. Yeah. Totally unearned confidence. But people are making mistakes, and I'm, I win my table, and, and then I get, you know, finally the championship table. And now, uh, I have one guy left. I had like this huge pile of chips, and he didn't have as many, but he was like, you know, one of these really good players. And people are saying, oh, you're, this guy's beating you, does you know how to play? And the guy's getting pissed off. And he goes all in. I go all in, and, you know, I win, and That's awesome. My friends are picking me up, and I got this, you know, big, huge trophy, and bracelet, and all this kind of stuff. I love it.

• 54:17Tom McCarthy?

  And so I come back, it's like 2:00 in the morning. I open the door of the bedroom. My wife's long asleep. Turn the light on. Guess who you're sleeping with tonight? I love that. Now that, I'm not saying I could have done that 10 times in a row, but literally, I, I consciously Burned all the boats. I did not allow a thought that was going to lower my confidence in any way. And I did it for about a week, right?

• 54:41Ed Mylett?

  Great.

• 54:42Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah, but, but that's what happens, right? You know, that you, you, and even if I wouldn't have won, I know I would have played a heck of a lot better because I had done that. That's the thing that most people don't get. Well, I didn't win. Well, were you better? Yeah, okay, then do it.

• 54:56Ed Mylett?

  That's, that's the whole point. By the way, I love that term unearned confidence. Obviously, the highest form of confidence is something you've earned. But I'm gonna tell you something. Unearned confidence is a pretty damn good substitute. And it's a whole lot better.

• 55:06Tom McCarthy?

  When you gotta go.

• 55:07Ed Mylett?

  And by the way, what most people think, this is what they'd say to themselves, I've earned lack of confidence. And so you think you have to earn this confidence thing all the time. It is absolutely not true. And not enough of you give yourself credit for your intentions either. You don't give yourself enough credit just for your intentions to serve, your intentions to contribute. And it's a huge, huge thing. I, I, I love that story because you know, for me, I where's it come from for me often? I had two friends the last week say something. I have a couple of things I'm ill-prepared for. Like I have no life experience to prepare me for a couple of things. Kind of like this poker tournament for you. Really good friend of mine, John Gordon, said, and by the way, we've talked a lot about energy today. I'm also a Christian, so I've both. And John's, and he's a good Christian friend of mine. He goes, Ed, faith over fear. Choose faith over fear. I'm like, that feels good, man.

• 55:52Ed Mylett?

  And then like, three days later, my next door neighbor at the beach, Jerry, Jerry, if you're listening to this, thank you for this gift. He's like, hey, man, I've just all my life I've chosen faith over fear.

• 56:00Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah.

• 56:01Ed Mylett?

  And it just, I was like, wow. Now, that's that vibrational frequency thing, right? Like, like all of a sudden, both of these messages were being directed to me. For me, that applies to my Christian faith. But for some of you, it might be, I'm gonna have faith in the work I've put in. I'm gonna have faith that, you know, that everything always works out for me. But sometimes it's just a matter of taking a leap and going, I'm gonna choose faith over fear. Because what is holding you back is the fear. So I just wanted to share that with everybody.

• 56:23Tom McCarthy?

  One thing, one thing on that, on two, Ed, is turn fear into faith. Because fear is energy. But use that energy, shift that energy and turn it into faith. I, I used to sometimes, you know, way back in the past, be a little bit jealous. Hey, how that person, you know, accomplished that or do that? And I'm like, hey, that's not a good use of energy. And I turned jealously, jealousy into prosperity. Right? And I just, whenever I will, you know, see someone doing well, I'm like, whoa, great. Hey, this is proving that I can do even more too.

• 56:55Ed Mylett?

  So good.

• 56:55Tom McCarthy?

  And literally just shifting energy into another form.

• 56:58Ed Mylett?

  Man, I've enjoyed the day so much. It bums me out that we have to finish. Like, I, I, I could go two more hours with you. I can feel this, like, just our, frankly, our energy.

• 57:07Tom McCarthy?

  Yeah.

• 57:08Ed Mylett?

  Our, our frequency is, is so similar. You do help people change, by the way. A couple of things I want to say to everyone. They follow you on social media, right? Where do they go to on social? And then I'll tell them about the book again.

• 57:17Tom McCarthy?

  Instagram, at the Tom McCarthy. There was already Tom McCarthy, so I had to add the E.

• 57:22Ed Mylett?

  I like the.

• 57:23Tom McCarthy?

  Not, not out of ego.

• 57:24Ed Mylett?

  It's emphasis, I like it.

• 57:25Tom McCarthy?

  And then I am, I'm on LinkedIn. We're doing quite a few posts on LinkedIn also.

• 57:28Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, by the way, the breakthrough code's interesting, guys, because of the way it's written. It's not just like an instruction, man, it's a story. And I, I love, it just was easier to read. It was more enjoyable to read, and I actually think the way you wrote it, retention's higher of the points that are in the book. And there are three main points in the book, and we've covered two of the three today. I left the third one out, so that people need to still go get the book. And so, so I would just recommend everybody go do that. This is one of these shows I know y'all are gonna want to go share, so please do that. Go get Tom's stuff, go get The Power of One More. And by the way, everybody, I just want to say again, I've got a show coming out August 22nd. Depending on when you listen to this, before or after that, it's, it's called Change with Ed Mylett. It's a, like a Dr. Phil-type format, but with me involved, where we change people's lives. And I think if you go watch it, it'll change your life as well.

• 58:13Ed Mylett?

  You can get it on Nozy, or Samsung TV, or Roku, or anywhere like that. So please go do that. Please share today's show, everybody. I want to just say God bless you and continue to max out your life. This is the Ed Mylett Show.