MBMBaM 825: I Ain’t ’Fredo No Toast

Backpacks are out this year, but we know what’s in! Strap a belt around your books, tote your coffee in a dainty forty-eight ounce bucket, and move yourself around the office in a gamer chair shaped like Shaq. If all else fails, just have an otter carry your stuff around for you. Suggested talking points: Polish Papa's Apples Today, Symbiotic Chair Relationship, High Risk Low Reward, A Race Against Thermodynamics, Watch it Goosh if it Gooshes Native Women Lead: https://www.nativewomenlead.org/

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

• 1:10Travis McElroy?

  Hello, everybody, and welcome to my brother, my brother and me, an invite show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

• 1:16Travis McElroy?

  What's up, Trav Nation? It's me, Aaron Millis, brother Travis, Big Dog, Wolf of Room, from the heater, award-winning McElroy.

• 1:22Griffin McElroy?

  What's up, Trav Nation? It's me, sweet baby brother, Griffin, 30 under 30, media luminary McElroy.

• 1:27Travis McElroy?

  Wrap those belts around your textbooks, tighten them up, polish the apples.

• 1:34Griffin McElroy?

  Polish Papa's apples today, because we're getting back into school. And we're just three cool teens ready to hit you guys up with some cool tips on how to get ready, take over this, take over the new, the new doghouse.

• 1:49Travis McElroy?

  What's the hottest backpack of the year? A garbage bag, slung over your shoulder like Santa. I was surprised, too. Yeah.

• 1:56Griffin McElroy?

  I like Travis's thing, actually. Get rid of backpacks entirely. Belt around the books. Whatever happened to belt around the books?

• 2:03Travis McElroy?

  Belt around the books and individual chalkboards for everyone to write their answers on. Paper is expensive.

• 2:10Griffin McElroy?

  Little chalkboards. Yes.

• 2:12Travis McElroy?

  Chalkboards for everybody.

• 2:13Travis McElroy?

  Can't meet the certain somebody, your dreams, if you can't carry their books home. Can't carry their books home if they have a backpack. That's wild. Can I carry your books home? Um, I have a backpack. That would be, what would you, you'd look like some sort of camel. I can't allow it.

• 2:29Griffin McElroy?

  I'll tell you what else the kids are getting. Belt practice. Belt practice. Practice, practice fastening belts. It's hard and no one's really preparing anyone. I don't know that either of my boys, who are ages nine and five, have ever worn a belt or had cause to wear a belt.

• 2:48Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 2:49Griffin McElroy?

  Um, not a joke. They've just never worn a belt. They've never had that. Same way that they haven't had suspenders on their body, like, that's a huge missed opportunity. I know, I know, I know. Their cutest buttons and they'd be great and some little suspenders look like a couple of Werther's Originals boys, squeeze them so tight.

• 3:06Travis McElroy?

  Little Orville Redenbuckers over there.

• 3:08Griffin McElroy?

  Little Orville Redenbuckers, but they've never worn a belt. They won't know how to do it. They need to practice.

• 3:12Travis McElroy?

  You don't have a Christ-centered household without telling me you don't have a Christ-centered household, Griffin, because if your boys do not have reason to wear belts, they are not in the house of the Lord.

• 3:22Travis McElroy?

  Or suspenders. I mean, suspenders.

• 3:24Griffin McElroy?

  Suspenders. Little straw hats.

• 3:27Travis McElroy?

  Even creasters are getting, getting in there with the suspenders.

• 3:30Griffin McElroy?

  What's those? What's, what's creasters precious?

• 3:33Travis McElroy?

  Creasters are the people that only go to church on Christmas and Easter. That's the derogatory term we used to use for, mom used to use for people.

• 3:44Griffin McElroy?

  I mean, that's, hey, fair dinkum, man. You, we're, we're out here two, sometimes three times a week, putting in the fucking hours, putting in the effort.

• 3:53Travis McElroy?

  When people think the church is just being cleaned by a janitor, I'm in there, like, with some sort of slip and slide, or like, learning my bobble.

• 3:59Griffin McElroy?

  I'm in there on Pat's computer, playing fucking stunts, 3D, like, I'm in there playing Minesweeper.

• 4:05Travis McElroy?

  Sometimes you go to church Sunday morning, and then as a child, you think, oh, good, it's done for the day. And then your parents are like, guess what? There's a Sunday evening service we're going to this week. Inconsistent, but wild. I already did church today.

• 4:21Griffin McElroy?

  Let me hit you with a Bible. And not actually literally, but like, let me hit you with, as long as we're not putting our bags in, in backpacks. That way, everybody's going to be seeing sort of what we're working with. Algebra, trigonometry, the essential Calvin and Hobbes, a Bible.

• 4:34Travis McElroy?

  Communist Manifesto, what?

• 4:36Griffin McElroy?

  Communist Manifesto and the, of the Bible.

• 4:39Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 4:39Griffin McElroy?

  People are going to see that and it's going to send a message, a good message.

• 4:43Travis McElroy?

  Well, as long as it's a cool teen Bible, you know what I mean?

• 4:46Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 4:46Travis McElroy?

  They don't want kids to get bullied.

• 4:48Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 4:49Travis McElroy?

  I, I found a good way to like amp up the fun of going back to school shopping for myself as an adult, and that's just to go to Office Depot instead of any place fun.

• 5:00Griffin McElroy?

  That's cool.

• 5:01Travis McElroy?

  Your kids are gonna, yeah, your kids are gonna think that they're gonna go to Target or, I don't know, any other store where there's other things that they like. Go to Office Depot. It's all laid out there, as boring as you could want it. Nothing fun about it, but everything you want is there, and none of the other parents want to go there. It's so boring, right? And the other thing is, that's weird about it, is that there are pictures of Shaquille O'Neal on every single surface of this place. You cannot escape Shaq right now.

• 5:26Griffin McElroy?

  The floor?

• 5:26Travis McElroy?

  At the Office Depot, he's on the floor. He's selling gaming.

• 5:31Griffin McElroy?

  Is it just one huge megapixel image stretched out to cover the entire floor of the business? Or how is Shaq on the floor of the Office Depot?

• 5:39Travis McElroy?

  Well, Shaq has a line of office chairs when you first go in. So that's the first time you encounter Shaq. The Shaquille O'Neal chairs and seating.

• 5:47Griffin McElroy?

  They don't look like him.

• 5:49Travis McElroy?

  I've wanted chairs for big, tall, retired basketball player, pro gamers for so long.

• 5:55Griffin McElroy?

  Dude, how nice of that.

• 5:57Travis McElroy?

  I'm so glad.

• 5:57Griffin McElroy?

  That big comfy couch ass Shaquille O'Neal office chair, that would be awesome. You have to, you go like this.

• 6:04Travis McElroy?

  Oh, my God. The dream.

• 6:07Griffin McElroy?

  That's a dream. Give me a Mugsy Boggs office chair. I squish it. It's so small.

• 6:13Travis McElroy?

  I'm so big.

• 6:14Griffin McElroy?

  And I'm so big. But the chairs didn't look like Shaq, right? You said it was chocolate block with pictures of Shaq. I'm guessing that the back.

• 6:20Travis McElroy?

  Pictures didn't look like Shaq, but like, over, there's like a, a co-branding opportunity with Shaq throughout the, throughout the store, because he's got his Shaquille O'Neal Maximus, big and tall ergonomic vegan leather, high back executive office chair.

• 6:35Griffin McElroy?

  Awesome. I love that. You know what I would love more?

• 6:38Travis McElroy?

  Is if this chair here, if this was just a big picture of Shaq, just a big picture of Shaq's face, like, excited, right there on the back of the chair.

• 6:47Travis McElroy?

  If we're doing it, let's go like full, like big heads, when they used to put those thing, I want the thing. So it's his head right here, right? And then his chest, his fat head, thank you. His chest is the back. The arms are his arms. And then like the seat is his lap. And I'm sitting.

• 7:03Travis McElroy?

  That would be so cool.

• 7:04Travis McElroy?

  I'm sitting in Shaquille O'Neal's lap. And we wouldn't even have to scale it up. He's much larger than I am. I would feel enveloped by his presence.

• 7:13Griffin McElroy?

  And maybe, maybe, as a sweepstakes, one of them's going to be a Jinji Ito human chair.

• 7:20Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 7:20Griffin McElroy?

  Where he's in, he's in there. He's in there. And he's got his own little hole, and he's got his snacks and stuff. And he's going to be riding with you.

• 7:28Travis McElroy?

  We've already seen, Jimmy Fallon and all them have done the thing where it's like, someone's talking to like a poster of John Cena, and then John Cena busts through.

• 7:35Travis McElroy?

  Give me Shaquille O'Neal bursting out of a chair to hug me.

• 7:38Griffin McElroy?

  Yes. Yeah.

• 7:39Travis McElroy?

  What if this, then, I think you could pay extra, and in case of danger, or like a threat to your family, like Shaq would like stand up, and you would be inside him like an exoskeleton.

• 7:51Travis McElroy?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 7:52Travis McElroy?

  Like, there would be like a battle mode of the chair.

• 7:54Griffin McElroy?

  And what's awesome is this is.

• 7:56Travis McElroy?

  209, you know, where it's like responding to your movements.

• 8:00Griffin McElroy?

  Only one of these chairs is going to be capable of that. Only one of these chairs is going to get Jinji Ito'd, and he's going to be in there. But if I'm a robber, and I look in the house, and I see one of these Shaquille O'Neal fat head chairs, I see one of them, I'm not going to take the risk. He might be in there, ready to defend this home.

• 8:18Travis McElroy?

  Shaquille, no!

• 8:20Travis McElroy?

  I just wanted to tell you guys about the chair real quick, from Jeremy.

• 8:22Speaker 04

  I'm Jeremy, and I'm here to tell you about the Shaquille O'Neal Maximus big and tall chair. You know that feeling when you sit down and instantly feel like the boss? Yeah, that's how I feel in this.

• 8:31Griffin McElroy?

  No, Jeremy, I don't think so.

• 8:33Speaker 04

  This thing is pure power and comfort rolled into one.

• 8:35Griffin McElroy?

  Holy shit.

• 8:36Speaker 04

  Layers of plush memory foam, a cushioned headrest, and full body support that moves the way that you do. Every adjustment is easy. It all just works with you, not against you.

• 8:46Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 8:46Travis McElroy?

  Okay, pause, pause, pause. Justin.

• 8:49Travis McElroy?

  I wish more chairs worked against.

• 8:50Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I will stop you. I will stop you, Jeremy. No, Jeremy, I will not let you go back today.

• 8:56Griffin McElroy?

  I know what's good for your past, Charlie, eh?

• 8:58Travis McElroy?

  Jeremy, your hands have been restrained. It's for your own good.

• 9:01Travis McElroy?

  If someone out there can develop a technology that allows you to press that pedal and lower your chair in a way that doesn't seem like you've just been pranked, that would be the idea. No one's ever, like, developed a chair where you sink that, like, where it drops and you're like, so smooth. I'm gliding down. It always is like you just rode a tiny roller coaster, and you're just like, whoa!

• 9:26Griffin McElroy?

  Aside from the Game of Thrones sword chair, I don't know of a chair experience I could have that would make me feel like a boss. Yeah.

• 9:37Travis McElroy?

  I don't know that instantly.

• 9:38Griffin McElroy?

  The thing I'm sitting on.

• 9:40Travis McElroy?

  The Game of Thrones sword chair is made of swords, so I don't think I'm sitting down and being like, this is where I always want to be.

• 9:47Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, but this chair does look powerful, though. Did you see, Jeremy was here talking a big game. What's up? I'm Jeremy King shit of Chair Mountain. I'm the fucking coolest when I sit in this chair. That chair was as tall as Jeremy was. And so it's like, you may be more powerful when you're in the chair, but when you're out of the chair, it's more powerful than you.

• 10:05Travis McElroy?

  I think he missed a beat. He should have said, you know how you've never sat down in a chair and felt like the boss? That changes today.

• 10:14Griffin McElroy?

  I know that feeling. Yeah. And then he kicks the chair's ass, just to let you know, it's not so powerful that you need to be scared of the Shaquille O'Neal chair.

• 10:22Travis McElroy?

  This is a symbiotic chair relationship.

• 10:25Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 10:26Travis McElroy?

  Because the chair can't drive.

• 10:27Griffin McElroy?

  No.

• 10:28Travis McElroy?

  You guys didn't want the Maximus. I got the chair for you guys.

• 10:31Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 10:32Speaker 04

  The Shaq-Simos.

• 10:33Travis McElroy?

  Shaq also did a gaming one.

• 10:36Travis McElroy?

  Holy shit.

• 10:37Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, dude. And I don't know if you guys can see here, but there's a, it's got the famous gaming tagline, keep your single ship.

• 10:45Griffin McElroy?

  Keep your single ship? Okay, is this an AI-generated, perhaps, situation back there?

• 10:50Travis McElroy?

  I mean, I, no, I don't, I don't know.

• 10:53Griffin McElroy?

  It's like, you see a picture of a chair in the office, and there's stuff in the background, and one of those things is, I guess, a poster you're seeing just the bottom of, and it does say on the poster, keep your single ship.

• 11:04Travis McElroy?

  And some kind of blocky character, which I'm going to be honest, I don't have the confidence to say isn't from a real game.

• 11:11Travis McElroy?

  Looks like Blocko. Get your best game on in next level comfort with the Shaquille O'Neal Skyrim.

• 11:20Griffin McElroy?

  I thought it was Siren.

• 11:21Travis McElroy?

  It might be Siren.

• 11:22Griffin McElroy?

  Siren.

• 11:23Travis McElroy?

  Would you do a soft C there? Sirens. Work, sprints, gaming marathons or streaming sessions. The features on this seat help you shift seamlessly into gear.

• 11:33Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I don't know, man.

• 11:35Travis McElroy?

  And sit like a titan in Shaq comfort. Now this has patented multi padded Shaq comfort. Now Shaq comfort TM is says here, this is a, this is all caps Shaq comfort. This, this is where I like to think Shaq really put his stamp on.

• 11:53Travis McElroy?

  Oh, yeah.

• 11:53Travis McElroy?

  Like they got a specific padding setup where he's like, this is it. It's perfect. This is Shaq comfort.

• 12:00Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I'm telling you right now, I can say with supreme confidence that Shaquille O'Neal is a man who moves through this world, finding very little things that are designed for him.

• 12:09Griffin McElroy?

  For him.

• 12:09Travis McElroy?

  Like with his scale in mind, he is a giant man. And I guarantee when someone called him and was like, hey, how would you feel about giving us some input on a chair that's designed with your level of comfort?

• 12:23Griffin McElroy?

  He's ready. He's got notes like, he has like a chest that he cracks open that says dream chair on it. He's ready for this conversation.

• 12:31Travis McElroy?

  If you know Shaq is coming by and you do not have a large chair ready for Shaq, you failed Shaq.

• 12:38Griffin McElroy?

  That sucks.

• 12:38Travis McElroy?

  I can't imagine people aren't ready for that guy. If I knew Shaq was coming over, I would definitely make sure there was a big chair available.

• 12:44Griffin McElroy?

  And don't just say, he'll sit on the couch and it'll be like a recliner to like a small chair to him. You don't, that's rude to ask him to take up the whole couch like.

• 12:54Travis McElroy?

  And I'll tell you this, even then, his knees are going to be bent up too much and the back grass isn't growing high enough. You can't, it's not just about the width. You gotta think about the depth, the height.

• 13:04Travis McElroy?

  With his, with his scale, he could like, trigger the couch to bed conversion.

• 13:10Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 13:10Travis McElroy?

  Process in a way that could rip it in half. Like it's not, it's not a safe, it's not a safe seating situation.

• 13:17Travis McElroy?

  These are all the things you gotta think about when Shaq's coming to dinner.

• 13:20Griffin McElroy?

  I will say that the Shaq, the Shaq gamer chair seemed to have some spinal infrastructure that does give me pause, because I would say sort of the top of my, you know, cervical situation maybe reaches like the mid section of his lumbar zone. I think that he's got, I think that the bones are not going to be in quite the, quite the same place.

• 13:41Travis McElroy?

  Well, it gives you room to grow. That's the thing, like I feel like, you know how you put goldfish at different sized aquariums and that's what the size they'll grow to? We've been dealing with these regular sized chairs where our bodies stop growing at a certain point. But give me a Shaq scale chair and eventually my spine and bones will expand to fit the Shaq sized chair and I too will become Shaq sized.

• 14:05Griffin McElroy?

  If you were Shaq, would you want your chair to make people taller or to ensure that you'll always be like the biggest, like the biggest guy in the room?

• 14:16Travis McElroy?

  Neither. I would want it to be ill fitting in a way that let them understand what my daily struggle was.

• 14:22Griffin McElroy?

  So small for them, too small for them.

• 14:24Travis McElroy?

  It's too small.

• 14:26Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Awesome.

• 14:27Travis McElroy?

  Too small.

• 14:29Griffin McElroy?

  That's cool.

• 14:30Travis McElroy?

  Like weirdly like it should be big enough?

• 14:31Griffin McElroy?

  Probably lose money for the biz, for the business, but I'm sure that he would get a dark satisfaction out of it.

• 14:38Travis McElroy?

  It would be nice to know what Shaq really thinks of us, how he sees us, you know what I mean? Like the anger that he's carrying around. I don't think he, he lets it show.

• 14:45Travis McElroy?

  If we have any especially tall listeners, might I recommend anybody over like six, five, get together, pool your money, build like an immersive experience museum, like a meow wolf, except it's just like everything is a little bit smaller, right? So it's like, hey, you're five, seven, come through this experience and feel what it's like to move through the world as a six foot, six person all the time.

• 15:10Travis McElroy?

  What I wouldn't give, man, what I wouldn't give.

• 15:13Travis McElroy?

  I would spend so much money on that. I would be there.

• 15:16Travis McElroy?

  Just one day, one day up there.

• 15:18Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 15:19Travis McElroy?

  I can't imagine, one day up there, up there with my head in the clouds, looking down on, on everybody, I just one day.

• 15:26Griffin McElroy?

  Yep.

• 15:27Travis McElroy?

  Out there. This is an advice show with, the way it works is you send us a question, we read it and then we help you. Please, I can see you getting overwhelmed. Let me demonstrate. I intern in an aquarium and one of the many experiences guests can purchase is a meet and greet with our otters. During the experience, I've witnessed from afar, the otters high five the guests. Brothers, otters are my favorite animal. What are the best ways of becoming one of the chosen few to be blessed by their wet little slaps without having to pay for it? As from desperate for them paws in Denver. P S, I do pass their large holding area backstage when they're separated from the hallway by a chain link gate. This is the closest I'm allowed to get to them. And this is great.

• 16:12Travis McElroy?

  Uh, people don't often give us all the parameters needed for the heist planning. I appreciate you giving us all, all the clues.

• 16:18Griffin McElroy?

  And, and you saying that it's the closest you are allowed to get to them does suggest that boundaries have been set by your employer, like, hey.

• 16:26Travis McElroy?

  After previous tips.

• 16:29Griffin McElroy?

  The otter guys are pretty uncomfortable with like your energy that you put out whenever you walk by. Um, so I get it though, man. I do, I do would love a little slap.

• 16:40Travis McElroy?

  It would be so affirming.

• 16:42Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, sure.

• 16:43Travis McElroy?

  Right? That an otter would look me up and down and be like, nice. Right? Like that would, oh, that feels so good.

• 16:49Griffin McElroy?

  But I, I, you know, there's nothing, we can't guarantee that the people going in here aren't, aren't cheating a bit and like rubbing their hands all over cod or whatever before, I mean, you're at an aquarium.

• 17:02Travis McElroy?

  I think it's abalone.

• 17:03Griffin McElroy?

  You pick up an abalone and you rub your hands all over it until you get that bad abalone stink all over them. And then you go in, of course they're gonna high five you.

• 17:11Travis McElroy?

  Or bite you.

• 17:12Griffin McElroy?

  They're also gonna try to bite, they will try to bite and eat your hands and you wouldn't think otters are capable. Yeah, man, they'll tear your ass apart, man.

• 17:20Travis McElroy?

  I don't want to be, uh, I mean, you're a listener and I appreciate you, but this is a paid for, private experience that the otters are offering. You know what I mean? People pay them and then they are willing to give them the high five. I think it's so demeaning that you're just gonna walk by and just like get one for free? Like, that's their job. You know what I mean?

• 17:45Travis McElroy?

  Especially in the backstage area, they're off at that point. They're not, they're not performing.

• 17:48Travis McElroy?

  That's their time. Oh God, you, I can't tell you how many times Griffin's been backstage, like leaning over a couch, like trying to take a nap and somebody comes by and they're like, hey, put this amiibo in your mouth. And Griffin's like, I, like not, you know, he's trying to be a good sport about it and he'll like pretend for a picture like, oh, but like, he doesn't want.

• 18:11Griffin McElroy?

  I always, always, always, always, always have time for fans. It's just, I don't know what.

• 18:16Travis McElroy?

  It's hard is though, sometimes they're not fans. Sometimes they're people that are just trying to get an eBay.

• 18:21Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, my God.

• 18:22Travis McElroy?

  You know what I mean? Griffin put this in his mouth. The Griffin.

• 18:25Griffin McElroy?

  I remember when we were at that con and Tucker Carlson was backstage and he was like, let me get a pic, snap it, let me snap a pic, I'm a huge amiibo head.

• 18:33Travis McElroy?

  It was con con.

• 18:34Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 18:35Travis McElroy?

  And so it's conservative convention con con.

• 18:38Griffin McElroy?

  We were confused. I, I, I shouldn't say we, it was you guys got wise, I guess. The paycheck was huge anyway. Um, and I was like, wait, hold on, you're Tucker Carlson. This could get me in quite a bit of trouble. And he's like, it's fine, I'm just gonna eBay it. And I was like, what the fuck dude?

• 18:53Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, man.

• 18:54Griffin McElroy?

  Like, do you need the money, man? Is it like?

• 18:57Travis McElroy?

  And he did.

• 18:58Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. I guess he did. Yeah.

• 19:01Travis McElroy?

  You could set them free. Now, hear me out. This is a high risk, high reward situation where like.

• 19:08Travis McElroy?

  Low reward.

• 19:09Travis McElroy?

  I do want to clarify.

• 19:10Griffin McElroy?

  The height of this reward.

• 19:11Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 19:12Travis McElroy?

  And there's not a high, it's high risk questionable reward.

• 19:14Travis McElroy?

  Five, then it's a high reward. Um, that like, you set them free and like as the last ones like crawling through like the hole you've cut in the chain link fence, maybe they look at you and give you the high five, right? It's not gonna be the first one, right? But they're like, thank you, brother. Right?

• 19:33Travis McElroy?

  And they set you free and then they set you free.

• 19:36Griffin McElroy?

  This is an issue I have.

• 19:37Travis McElroy?

  From your job, because you've been fired.

• 19:39Griffin McElroy?

  This is an issue I have with animals in general.

• 19:43Travis McElroy?

  Oh, okay.

• 19:44Griffin McElroy?

  Just because they look adorable, I'm not like the biggest animals guy, but even I look at an otter, the way they hold hands, chip open a scallop on their.

• 19:53Travis McElroy?

  I'm trying to remember which one's an otter.

• 19:55Griffin McElroy?

  Otter is like a water weasel. It sort of swims around and he's got a mermaid tail and.

• 20:00Travis McElroy?

  This is the Judd Band guy. All right.

• 20:02Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 20:03Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 20:03Griffin McElroy?

  The way you crack the scallop open on their tongue, like I love all that stuff and they look so cute, but that doesn't mean that they think cute.

• 20:11Travis McElroy?

  That's true.

• 20:12Griffin McElroy?

  Do you know what I mean?

• 20:13Travis McElroy?

  They think hate, I bet.

• 20:14Griffin McElroy?

  Jimothy is like, everyone loves him and I get it. He's, he's so like wild looking and I, I think he, I think he looks really, really cool and I like him. He might be bad, he might be bad in there.

• 20:26Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 20:27Griffin McElroy?

  Like in his head, like he might, he might think bad and try to steal. And if you get in the way of him in like a garbage can, he might like try to get you. Uh, he may look cute, but that, that's just what I would say from what I've learned about the animal world is that just because an animal looks cute and vice versa. Rhinoceros?

• 20:47Griffin McElroy?

  Cute inside.

• 20:48Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, that's true. A pure heart. I learned this from the penguins of Madagascar.

• 20:53Griffin McElroy?

  Sure.

• 20:53Travis McElroy?

  Those guys are scheming all the time. You know, they'd steal your identity and ruin your credit if they could.

• 21:00Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 21:01Travis McElroy?

  If, if, if the otter sees you with your hand up, that's game over. He will not rest until he gives you a high five. He will not leave you hanging. Guaranteed. Like this otter, if one thing I know about otters, they see somebody like a me or you or somebody and, and they're going for it, they're not gonna leave you hanging.

• 21:23Griffin McElroy?

  That's sort of the opposite of what I just said, which is that they're bad and mean inside. Maybe, uh, they could be. I don't know. I haven't done the research.

• 21:30Travis McElroy?

  It's a training, Griffin. It's instinct. It's like the Terminator, dude. It's not about morals. It's like, this is all they're programmed to do is high fives. If they see somebody going for a high five, they can't stop. Biology, evolution, years of training. They see someone up, they see a hand up, that's it. They'll tear through the fence.

• 21:48Travis McElroy?

  But you have to be careful. Yeah. Don't stick your hand through the fence with a high five. They're gonna grab your wrist. They're gonna use your fingers to like fingerprint scan, open the cage, right? I don't know. I don't know what the security is like at the zoo, but.

• 22:01Griffin McElroy?

  They'll pull you through the fence and chop you up into little diamond shaped pieces like a Resident Evil trap.

• 22:06Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. That's how we lose most of our zookeepers.

• 22:10Travis McElroy?

  They're so strong.

• 22:11Griffin McElroy?

  They're super strong. In the water, they're super strong. When they're not in the water, it's like, whatever, you little stinker. What are you gonna do? In the water, you're fucked, man. Please be careful. We never have to say this to our listeners, but please be careful. Whatever you do, be careful about it.

• 22:27Travis McElroy?

  I'm the maid of honor at my sister's wedding this year. I'm excited and I'm helping run the event, but here's the issue. It's taking place the day before the Chicago marathon that many of the guests, my friends are running. I want everyone to be able to attend more than just the ceremony, but my friends are concerned it will affect their race. Is there some way I can incorporate pre-race activities like stretching, carb loading and rest into the reception without drawing attention away from the actual event? I know it's a narrow window of opportunity, but if anyone can think of a way, it's the brothers.

• 22:57Travis McElroy?

  Uh, carb loading's easy. That's from winning was in Windy City. Carb loading is easy. There's a big old cake.

• 23:04Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, we do that. We do that at weddings already. Yeah. Hey, I really liked if anyone can think of a way, it's the brothers. That feels cool to me.

• 23:12Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, that's cool.

• 23:13Griffin McElroy?

  That's cool. I like that.

• 23:14Travis McElroy?

  We're master marathon runners.

• 23:17Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, well, no, I'm just, it's, I like, it's the brother. Like, there's lots of brothers out there and it's cool that we're like, the brothers.

• 23:24Travis McElroy?

  The brothers.

• 23:25Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I like that a lot.

• 23:26Travis McElroy?

  Oh, when it comes time for catching the bouquet and stuff.

• 23:28Travis McElroy?

  I saw, I saw that Kelsey's got Bill Murray on their podcast. God damn, they must be good at this.

• 23:33Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, gotta be.

• 23:35Travis McElroy?

  Uh, when it comes time for like catching the bouquet and stuff, incorporate stretching into that. Tell everybody they're not allowed to catch it till it's a real low to the ground, right? And they gotta do like yoga poses to catch the bouquet on the ground.

• 23:48Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 23:49Travis McElroy?

  Stretch. The, I think.

• 23:50Travis McElroy?

  Limbo, limbo.

• 23:52Griffin McElroy?

  Limbo something.

• 23:54Travis McElroy?

  A nap would be nice at the end of a wedding. You talk about needing to incorporate some rest. I think that would be kinda nice. Like everybody, this has been a very stressful day for everybody, I bet. Everybody running down a little bit?

• 24:04Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 24:05Travis McElroy?

  What would everybody think about a quick nap? Just like, get it, get a 90 in. Just get a quick 90 in before we all head out.

• 24:11Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, the wedding gift for everybody on the table, pillows.

• 24:16Griffin McElroy?

  I don't know that I could rally after a 90er. That's a huge nap.

• 24:19Travis McElroy?

  That's tough. That is tough. You gotta race in the morning, especially.

• 24:22Griffin McElroy?

  I can't have a, a dream in my nap and then be ready to keep partying. Cause I.

• 24:27Travis McElroy?

  Oh, see, that's assuming you drop off right away. See, sometimes for me, it takes 20 minutes just to get to the land of Nod. Right? And if I know that nap's under an hour, I am never gonna sleep, cause I know it's gonna take me 20 minutes to drive to sleepy town.

• 24:42Griffin McElroy?

  And maybe you got some board games for the kids who can't nap. Like you get some activity, an activity for them. Like you make coasters out of Pringle lids or whatever, just while everyone else is getting in their 90.

• 24:55Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, carb load a lot.

• 24:57Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 24:58Travis McElroy?

  People will continue to snack, so you could replace the dips with Alfredo sauce. So you could actually get more, even with the dipping, the dips and chips, like you cut it with.

• 25:08Griffin McElroy?

  Cut without.

• 25:08Travis McElroy?

  Cut it with a nice, a nice. Oh yeah, like a cocktail. You mean, like, yeah, it's like gin and Alfredo sauce.

• 25:15Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, it starts to run low. You just put a little bit more Fredo in there. That's what you're suggesting. That's cool.

• 25:21Travis McElroy?

  You're looking a little light on your carbs.

• 25:23Griffin McElroy?

  And it's awesome too, cause you can tell, you can like, you don't have to pay the DJ and the caterers and stuff the full time. Cause you say the DJ, like you are not going to play music during this part of the, of the wedding reception. So you can have off. If you wanna catch some Z's too, my man, go for it.

• 25:40Travis McElroy?

  You have everybody raise their glass, um, like of the, with the costume cocktail. I ain't afraid of no toast. Right? And they give a toast to the thing.

• 25:50Griffin McElroy?

  I ain't, sorry, did you say, I ain't Alfredo no toast?

• 25:53Travis McElroy?

  Yes.

• 25:56Griffin McElroy?

  Did you say Alfredo?

• 25:57Travis McElroy?

  I did. I ain't Alfredo no toast.

• 26:00Griffin McElroy?

  That's good.

• 26:01Travis McElroy?

  And they raise their glass.

• 26:02Travis McElroy?

  Oh, but I am, I'm Alfredo no toast. My name is Alfredo no toast. I am him.

• 26:08Griffin McElroy?

  I hate that character so much.

• 26:10Travis McElroy?

  Alfredo no toast?

• 26:12Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, he's not my favorite.

• 26:12Travis McElroy?

  Alfredo no toast.

• 26:14Griffin McElroy?

  Alfredo no toast. And then you go, Travis, finish.

• 26:17Travis McElroy?

  I ain't afraid of no toast. Toast to the evening, nap.

• 26:22Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, that comes after. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that would work. Can you tape up your, whatever parts you have to tape up to do a marathon? I know nipples are a big concern. Um, there's that, there's that athlete tape that athletes put on, that I guess helps their muscles like work better. I see people on American Ninja Warrior wearing that all the time.

• 26:43Travis McElroy?

  I do think you should, you should make it like a requirement that after the ceremony, everybody changes into comfortable shoes. I think that's just a thing everyone would welcome. Everyone would just welcome that.

• 26:54Griffin McElroy?

  Yes, cubbies. You show up to the ceremony, everyone's got a cubby? Forget about it, dude.

• 26:59Travis McElroy?

  And there's like mats down, right? So the floor is all soft and nice to stretch on.

• 27:04Griffin McElroy?

  I mean, we're talking about, we are talking about preschool.

• 27:07Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 27:08Griffin McElroy?

  Things we have mentioned so far of cubbies and nap mats and little activities and, uh, Pringle coasters and all of this. It is, it does just turn the wedding into daycare for a little bit, but I kinda like that. That's kinda fun. It's like you're reflecting on how you got to where you are now.

• 27:26Travis McElroy?

  I'm feeling a little hampered by just how little I know or understand what kind of preparations go into a marathon. Like my, legitimately, my understanding of marathons is largely drawn from that one episode of The Office. And, and, and I know that that's very much of what not to do. I get that. But I don't actually, like when you say rest and I said a 90 minute nap, as I was saying it, I was like, they certainly don't mean this. Like I was thinking like that doesn't, this doesn't make sense. Like I, they can't mean this kind of rest.

• 27:57Travis McElroy?

  Oh.

• 27:58Travis McElroy?

  But I don't know. I don't know, I don't know better information, you know what I mean, to build off of.

• 28:04Travis McElroy?

  Maybe when the couple drives away in like the car, it's like just married, instead of tying a bunch of cans to it, tie the future marathon competitors to it and make them run along behind it. Or be dragged to their death. And that's gonna force them to get faster and get some running practice in.

• 28:25Travis McElroy?

  Or you could just have stuff, like instead of cans, have stuff that they, like just attach their wallets.

• 28:31Travis McElroy?

  Oh, yeah.

• 28:31Travis McElroy?

  Attach all their, all their wallets.

• 28:33Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, no, what it is, is that they put their shoes in the cubby when they change. You get their nice shoes.

• 28:38Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 28:39Griffin McElroy?

  All their nice shoes to the back of the car and then say like, by the way, if you want your nice shoes back, better hurry. They're gonna get scuffed and then you take off.

• 28:50Travis McElroy?

  And then when you catch them and get your shoes back, they then tie you to the front of the car and make you pull the car back to the church. And that's gonna like, that's gonna give you some like strength training too.

• 29:01Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 29:02Travis McElroy?

  And then nap again.

• 29:03Griffin McElroy?

  Then nap again. It's important, 90.

• 29:05Travis McElroy?

  Could you convince them, like change, like while they're asleep two days before their wedding, do you think you could change all the clocks?

• 29:14Travis McElroy?

  Like change all calendars and clocks to make them think that it was the next day? Like that they had missed it?

• 29:21Griffin McElroy?

  Hmm. What would that?

• 29:23Travis McElroy?

  Hear me out. All I'm saying is, if you can trick a, a lot of the people into doing the wedding the day before.

• 29:28Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 29:29Travis McElroy?

  And if you can make the bride and groom, I don't actually know. I shouldn't, but shame on me. The married, the married folk, if, if you can make them think that it's the, the day of their wedding, when it's actually the day before, you get through all the nuptials, make a very special day about them.

• 29:46Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I don't see any flaws in this, Justin.

• 29:48Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 29:49Travis McElroy?

  Well, that's surprising.

• 29:50Travis McElroy?

  It's a perfect plan.

• 29:52Griffin McElroy?

  It's a really good plan.

• 29:53Travis McElroy?

  It's gonna take a lot of legwork beforehand to get all these things changed, but.

• 29:58Griffin McElroy?

  Depends on how many people you get in on it.

• 29:59Travis McElroy?

  You're, they're all runners. They're good at legwork.

• 30:02Griffin McElroy?

  Excited about this. Great at legwork. That's awesome.

• 30:04Travis McElroy?

  So they're going to be running around Chicago, which as I know, is a small town with very few clocks. Changing.

• 30:11Griffin McElroy?

  Easily duped.

• 30:12Travis McElroy?

  Okay dudes, I'm sorry. You don't have to worry about the clocks. I was, I was wrong about the clocks.

• 30:18Griffin McElroy?

  Here's the issue with the clocks, this entire plan, Justin, is that everyone there, if you trick them into thinking that it is the next day, then they're still going to be quite conservative in their approach to enjoying the wedding festivities. It does literally nothing to solve the issue at hand. It does nothing except confuse them, I guess.

• 30:37Travis McElroy?

  And, and I don't think you have to actually change it, because I think 11 AM on one day, 11 AM on one day is the same 11 AM on the next day. You have to change the calendars.

• 30:46Griffin McElroy?

  Calendar. Okay, change the calendars. At some point, you're gonna have to remove a day from every person. Do you know what I mean? If I go to sleep on Thursday and it's Saturday, I'm not just gonna be like, whoa, weird.

• 30:57Travis McElroy?

  And I think there's like, isn't there like an atomic clock that syncs up people's phones and stuff?

• 31:03Griffin McElroy?

  You're gonna have to change. No one calls the atomic clock.

• 31:05Travis McElroy?

  You're gonna have to change. Yeah.

• 31:07Travis McElroy?

  I have come up with a flaw. I don't know how you walk it back. I don't know how you get the married couple back into the time, time.

• 31:16Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 31:18Travis McElroy?

  As it were, like I don't know how you knock them back.

• 31:19Travis McElroy?

  You gotta add a day back in.

• 31:21Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 31:22Travis McElroy?

  Sneak a day in, but it can't be right after. They'll.

• 31:24Travis McElroy?

  No, no, it can't be right after. Wait till they're on their honeymoon.

• 31:28Travis McElroy?

  Their honeymoon.

• 31:28Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, they're on island time. Yeah.

• 31:31Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 31:31Travis McElroy?

  Boy, this is really flown by, hasn't it sweetheart?

• 31:34Griffin McElroy?

  They show up to the island resort and it's awesome because then the receptionist will be like, you aren't, you don't have a room today. You aren't, your reservation doesn't begin until tomorrow. You can't, you can't.

• 31:44Travis McElroy?

  They cross the international date line.

• 31:46Travis McElroy?

  It's like a betrayal. This feels like a betrayal because you were saying you didn't see any flaws with it.

• 31:53Travis McElroy?

  I'm feeling like.

• 31:54Griffin McElroy?

  Sorry, dude.

• 31:55Travis McElroy?

  A little bit on rocky brain now.

• 31:56Griffin McElroy?

  You know, it's tough to convey sarcasm in spoken word without the use of a sarc mark or other sort of useful punctuation. We gotta get an audio sarc mark, dude. Hey, can we go to the money zone, please?

• 32:12Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 32:12Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, right this way.

• 32:23Travis McElroy?

  Do you guys ever like when you're looking for, you know, like a board game store, bookstore, uh, some kind of thing, right? And you're like looking up the search results and you click on their website and it's just the most garbage like

• 32:37Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 32:37Travis McElroy?

  Like, looks like it was made by three and you're like, well, not that like, I don't understand how this works, right? We live in a time now where a beautiful professional looking website is like the business card. It's what people use to determine if they want to frequent your business, be it online or in person. And with Squarespace, there's no excuse for you to not have that beautiful professional looking website, even without knowing anything about like coding or anything like that. Cause Squarespace is going to take care of all of it for you. And you're going to trick jabronis like me into coming to frequent your business. And isn't that what you want? I'm so loose with my money. Uh, you want idiots like me to come to your business and just basically throw money at you for things. You know what I mean?

• 33:22Griffin McElroy?

  And it's not just that your website is going to look good. It's like, we will know it's a Squarespace joint. And so we'll be like, oh, if they're down with Squarespace, like we'll help them. We'll, we'll, we'll patronize them.

• 33:31Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. And, and you can even do like online payments, uh, like workflow streamlining and like in like built in appointment scheduling, the things that you need, not just to have a professional looking website, but to run a professional business, right? It's all right there on Squarespace. Set a good first impression for your customers, um, and let them know that, hey, you're worth your time. Right now, head to squarespace.com slash my brother for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code my brother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. And you try to be the zoc doc, big shot. Did you find a better doc?

• 34:12Griffin McElroy?

  Wow.

• 34:12Travis McElroy?

  That's a, that's the, uh, I don't know if that's the zoc doc sonic logo. I don't know if that's something

• 34:18Griffin McElroy?

  It is actually, yeah.

• 34:19Travis McElroy?

  It's you. It's you singing it. I'm, I'm listening to it right here. How did you do that?

• 34:25Griffin McElroy?

  How did you not know that you did this zoc doc sonic logo of you singing the parody song zoc doc of Billy Joel's big shot? How did you not know that?

• 34:34Travis McElroy?

  That's wild. Yeah. Uh, what is zoc doc Griffin? Cause I know this is a service you've, you've used a lot.

• 34:39Griffin McElroy?

  I'll tell you what zoc doc is. It's the best damn way there is to find doctors, uh, healthcare providers, whoever in, in your area. Uh, it is, uh, tough to find a medical sort of, uh, you know, practice of really any stripe, especially live, if you live in a big city here in DC, it took me a long time to try and find all of the specialists I've got over here on team health. That's what I call my health, uh, team, like my team.

• 35:06Travis McElroy?

  He does spell it H E L L T H to make it like cool.

• 35:10Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Yeah. Like it's like hell, but health. Yeah. Cause they're all badasses.

• 35:14Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. He got them all like flaming skulls, but they have that like light discs thing on their head.

• 35:21Griffin McElroy?

  Zoc doc helped me find not only doctors who are the specialists that I need, uh, who were in my sort of insurance network, but they also found badasses

• 35:32Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 35:32Griffin McElroy?

  for me who could be on my like sort of cool metal

• 35:36Travis McElroy?

  Doctor Doom.

• 35:37Griffin McElroy?

  Doctor Strange. Doctor Strange.

• 35:40Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Doc Ock.

• 35:43Griffin McElroy?

  Doctor Octopus. He was there as well. Um, I really have used that. Hey, we got new insurance this year. I have had to find a bunch of new doctors. I used zoc doc to do it. And it took me like half an afternoon. It took me no time at all. Cause you can not only find the doctors who fit the exact sort of heuristics that you're looking for. You can also book appointments with them right through zoc doc. Uh, and you know, some of the appointments you can get, uh, usually within like 24 to 72 hours. It's, it's genuinely, it is the best way to search and compare local and network doctors. Uh, your health matters and taking care of yourself shouldn't be complicated. Find and book the right doctor with zoc doc. Head to zocdoc.com slash my brother to get started and check that appointment

• 36:25Griffin McElroy?

  off your to do list. That's Z O C D O C dot com slash my brother.

• 36:32Speaker 05

  Hi, I'm Andrew Reich and I host Ed Pilot Society and I am here with Max Fun Member of the Month Jacob Eads. Thank you so much for being a listener of our show and congratulations on being this month's Member of the Month.

• 36:45Speaker 06

  Pleasure to meet you.

• 36:46Speaker 05

  What made you take the leap to become an actual member of Maximum Fun?

• 36:51Speaker 06

  I'm spending all this time listening and enjoying them for content because it's not like just supporting one podcast either. It's supporting a whole network of people. So I feel like the dollar really goes a long way.

• 37:04Speaker 05

  Can't tell you how much we appreciate it. And as our Member of the Month, you will be getting a $25 gift card to the Maximum Fun store, a special Member of the Month bumper sticker. You can take that car with that bumper sticker and drive it to the parking spot at Max Fun headquarters in Los Angeles, which will be there just for you.

• 37:26Speaker 06

  I might have to get one of my friends to bring like a cardboard cutout of me who lives in Los Angeles and just to show that I was there.

• 37:34Griffin McElroy?

  Support the shows you love, including this one. Check the show notes for a link or go to maximumfun.org/join.

• 37:41Travis McElroy?

  Hey Max Fun listeners, it's me, Jackie Keshen. I have a podcast with Lori Kilmartin. Say hi Lori.

• 37:46Speaker 07

  Hi Jacqueline. Hi Max Fun listeners. Why not very formal?

• 37:52Travis McElroy?

  We have a podcast and it's about standup comedy and how much we love it and how much uh, we dislike some of it. So listen to that podcast. It's called the Jackie and Lori Show.

• 38:01Speaker 07

  We drop new episodes every Wednesday that gives us plenty of time to decompress from our comedy weekends and discuss things with sane, level heads. No, it doesn't. If you are a woman our age or a man our age, or you know what, any person of any age, I think you'll enjoy your podcast. Jackie and Lori Show on maximumfun.org. Bye.

• 38:28Travis McElroy?

  Yes.

• 38:35Travis McElroy?

  I want a munch squad.

• 38:39Travis McElroy?

  I want to munch squad.

• 38:44Travis McElroy?

  Welcome munch squad. Podcasts and podcast profiling, the latest and greatest in brand eating. We love a responsive brand.

• 38:52Griffin McElroy?

  Ooh.

• 38:52Travis McElroy?

  Around the munch squad HQ. And this, um, week we've got two stories of restaurants really looking and to their customers for leadership and guidance. And a way forward, Wendy's kicks it off this week, bringing back the Pretzel Bacon Pub Cheeseburger.

• 39:13Griffin McElroy?

  Oh yeah.

• 39:14Travis McElroy?

  We've been asking for it. The, let me show you a picture of this beauty. Cause otherwise I don't think you're going to be excited enough.

• 39:23Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, I know this one. Ooh. Yeah, this looks, um, I like all four of the words that make this thing. So like it makes sense.

• 39:31Travis McElroy?

  Try to eat it and then you realize that it is the toughest bun in the biz. No bun chews like this bun, babe.

• 39:37Griffin McElroy?

  And a sloppy boy and a real sloppy boy. Sloppy boy with a chewy bun. Forget about it. That's Goose City, dude.

• 39:43Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. It's Goose City. It squinches right out. No problem. Beginning today, the beloved sandwich returns nationwide alongside two Pretzel Bacon Pub menu items and the all new apple crumble frosty fusion. This is the winner of the bring it back bracket. Uh, Wendy's went to its, its fans, its family. Uh, a few months back and said, what do you want? What do you need? And here's the quote, "The bring it back bracket made one thing clear. Wendy's fans wanted the Pretzel Bacon Pub cheeseburger back and we're excited to deliver," says Lindsay Radkowski, the chief marketing officer at Wendy's. "From the Pretzel

• 40:27Travis McElroy?

  Bacon Pub lineup to the apple crumble frosty fusion, this season's menu is packed with the bold, elevated flavors that fans are craving."

• 40:36Griffin McElroy?

  I want to know what lost. I want to know what came in last place that people were like, if you bring that back. Do you know what sucks Trav? Every year, Dave Thomas is on the, he's nominated.

• 40:45Travis McElroy?

  Oh no.

• 40:46Griffin McElroy?

  To be brought back and people do not pick him. It's, and I think that sucks.

• 40:51Travis McElroy?

  When did they stop having square patties?

• 40:53Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 40:56Travis McElroy?

  What? They never did. What are you talking about?

• 40:58Griffin McElroy?

  Wendy's had square patties. Didn't they have square patties for a minute?

• 41:01Travis McElroy?

  Still square. Always been square, always will be.

• 41:04Griffin McElroy?

  Awesome.

• 41:05Travis McElroy?

  Uh, the, they, I'm not going to tell you what's on this beautiful sandwich, but it, it does say, to finish the quote, "It's the kind of menu inspiration you'd expect to find at your favorite neighborhood pub." Now at Wendy's.

• 41:19Griffin McElroy?

  Every, your favorite neighborhood pub now at every Wendy's.

• 41:25Travis McElroy?

  Also, we tore down your

• 41:27Griffin McElroy?

  Your favorite neighborhood pub. We did have to destroy.

• 41:30Travis McElroy?

  But we built a Wendy's there and we brought back your burger for you.

• 41:34Griffin McElroy?

  You're welcome.

• 41:35Travis McElroy?

  You're welcome.

• 41:38Travis McElroy?

  For those craving a sweet taste of fall beyond pumpkin spice, Wendy's is dropping apple crumble frosty fusion that delivers coziness in every spoonful. It's August

• 41:47Griffin McElroy?

  Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

• 41:48Travis McElroy?

  Calm down.

• 41:49Griffin McElroy?

  For people craving pumpkin spice.

• 41:52Travis McElroy?

  Taste. Yeah.

• 41:53Griffin McElroy?

  Here's an apple.

• 41:55Travis McElroy?

  Oh.

• 41:55Griffin McElroy?

  I'm assuming pumpkin fusion, pumpkin flavor is in there somewhere.

• 41:58Travis McElroy?

  No, for that, you guys gotta listen. For those craving a sweet taste of fall on August 3rd, beyond pumpkin spice, Wendy's is dropping an apple crumble frosty fusion. So what they're saying is if you on August 3rd are already over the whole pumpkin spice thing.

• 42:17Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 42:17Travis McElroy?

  Well, good news. These fucking maniacs blended up some apple and put it in a frosty for no reason.

• 42:25Griffin McElroy?

  Is that what it is? I, I gotta say, apple crumble frosty fusion doesn't describe the tangible object that I will be purchasing and consuming with my, I have no idea what this

• 42:36Travis McElroy?

  You're hearing textures, you're hearing

• 42:39Griffin McElroy?

  Flavors.

• 42:40Travis McElroy?

  Your flavors.

• 42:40Griffin McElroy?

  Apple crumble. Okay. Frosty fusion.

• 42:43Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 42:43Griffin McElroy?

  What's that? Look at that. What is, how does one eat a fusion? That's crazy.

• 42:47Travis McElroy?

  Well, it's their take. It's the idea of a frosty Griffin. Um, they just kind of spray the air, uh, into the car of that. And you're like, this is what it's like.

• 42:58Griffin McElroy?

  Awesome.

• 42:59Travis McElroy?

  Should we, the question though, that Duncan is brave enough to ask though, is should we always be listening?

• 43:06Griffin McElroy?

  No.

• 43:07Travis McElroy?

  Cause that's like, that's a surveillance state thing. And like, I don't want Duncan hearing my private conversations. Is that what you mean? Beginning on August 7th, Duncan is bringing back its favorite menu item.

• 43:25Travis McElroy?

  And they are the forty eight ounce.

• 43:28Travis McElroy?

  Jesus.

• 43:29Travis McElroy?

  Iced beverage buckets.

• 43:31Griffin McElroy?

  Uh, this is a big bucket full of.

• 43:34Travis McElroy?

  This is a two-hander.

• 43:35Griffin McElroy?

  A two-hander bucket of brown.

• 43:39Travis McElroy?

  Big ol' bucket of brown. God, I wish I could.

• 43:43Travis McElroy?

  I want you guys.

• 43:44Travis McElroy?

  The audio never feels limiting. The audio never feels limiting, except in cases like this.

• 43:48Griffin McElroy?

  Where you can't see this big icy brown bucket.

• 43:50Travis McElroy?

  You sit down in your oversized shack chair and you pick up with both hands this forty eight ounce drink and you feel like a child again. How exciting.

• 44:00Griffin McElroy?

  There's about six hundred ice cubes in this thing. You are going to be in a race against thermodynamics that you cannot possibly win.

• 44:09Travis McElroy?

  They, they also have refused to put in the image of the breakfast bucket. It's just one big brown square.

• 44:17Travis McElroy?

  Uh huh.

• 44:17Travis McElroy?

  You can escape hatch at the front that I'm, I'm assuming is a straw. And there's no other objects near it. So they're like defying your imagination. They're saying like, how big is it? How big could it be? You have no point of reference.

• 44:30Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. I do want to be really careful here because I think language is important that the straw comes out of the top of the bucket.

• 44:37Travis McElroy?

  I did say.

• 44:38Griffin McElroy?

  Front of the bucket. That would be fucking crazy.

• 44:40Travis McElroy?

  That would be, that really, the race really is on. You just have to rip.

• 44:47Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, okay. Well, that would be the bottom of the bucket. This would be like a shotgun of sixty four ounces of that good Dunkin Brown.

• 44:54Travis McElroy?

  Whether you're heading to the beach, spending the day by the pool. I'm just. Sorry.

• 45:03Travis McElroy?

  We're just really need to get that morning BM going.

• 45:05Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. You need to shit like it's your job.

• 45:11Travis McElroy?

  Sorry, just walk somewhere. What are you doing poolside? It's an experiment. I'm just doing one experiment with this. Guests can purchase a.

• 45:19Travis McElroy?

  You have the weirdest tan line I've ever seen. Yeah, I fell asleep with my forty eight ounce drink on my stomach and.

• 45:26Travis McElroy?

  Guests can purchase a bucket filled with their favorite Dunkin' iced coffee or refresher and share the flavors they're craving all season long. Looking for the perfect bucket fill? Try one of our newest beverages. Yeah. Sorry about calling him bucket fill a sentence ago. That was pretty rough. Oh, anyway, get a cherry lime Ricky refresher.

• 45:48Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 45:48Travis McElroy?

  Get a pink pineapple sparkling refresher. Get an iced coffee with a peanut butter swirl. Is that with actual peanut butter in it?

• 45:56Travis McElroy?

  That'd be wild.

• 45:57Griffin McElroy?

  Yes, I can't imagine a beverage that can remain refreshing for forty eight straight ounces. I think, like, if I, I'm not like a big Sprite.

• 46:09Travis McElroy?

  To be clear, a lot of those Oz's are gonna be water by the time the ice is done.

• 46:14Griffin McElroy?

  That's fine and all. I'm still having to work at the suction force is the same. And it's just like, I don't usually rock a Sprite, but if it's hot, I'd like a little Sprite. I don't want forty eight ounces.

• 46:25Travis McElroy?

  Justin.

• 46:25Griffin McElroy?

  That's so much.

• 46:26Travis McElroy?

  The rest of this page is blowing my mind.

• 46:29Griffin McElroy?

  You're not, Travis. You're not supposed to read ahead.

• 46:31Travis McElroy?

  I have ADHD. Don't tell me what I'm not supposed to do.

• 46:35Griffin McElroy?

  No, you don't want, yeah, no, sorry. You don't want us to tell you what not to do.

• 46:38Travis McElroy?

  What it not supposed to do?

• 46:39Travis McElroy?

  No, wait. I want, okay, wait.

• 46:41Griffin McElroy?

  No, in the past, you've been like, that's helpful for me and it's.

• 46:44Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Thank you for the feedback.

• 46:46Travis McElroy?

  No, I, I do. Hey, I do want to be told what to be thinking.

• 46:48Griffin McElroy?

  I'll try not to do it in like a dick way, but like.

• 46:51Travis McElroy?

  No, thank you. No, guys. No, hey, you're right.

• 46:54Travis McElroy?

  During an initial alpha market test earlier this year, guests made one thing clear. They wanted a simpler way to take their beverage buckets on the go.

• 47:05Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 47:05Travis McElroy?

  I'd love to think that that's like a very euphemistic interpretation of the feedback they got, which is this thing's too fucking big.

• 47:12Griffin McElroy?

  This is so big. I can't hold.

• 47:13Travis McElroy?

  Drink size. What do I do with this? Like what I'm not actively drinking it? What am I supposed to do? You realize this is taking both hands. If someone throws a ball at me suddenly, I'm dead.

• 47:24Griffin McElroy?

  I'm dead.

• 47:25Travis McElroy?

  The Duncan team got to work designing a solution while the test was still underway. The result, the new Duncan iced beverage bucket holder.

• 47:35Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 47:36Travis McElroy?

  I got you, Griff. Hold on. I got you guys.

• 47:38Griffin McElroy?

  I didn't read ahead, Juice, so I don't know what the fuck you're about to show me. Awesome. That's insane.

• 47:44Travis McElroy?

  The new Duncan iced beverage bucket holder, a custom accessory designed to hold a beverage bucket while fitting securely into a standard car cup holder.

• 47:54Griffin McElroy?

  Okay. It's a bucket holder with a nodule at the bottom. That is, that is a typical, that is a typical cup size. You take this out of, I understand what this, it's using a sort of fulcrum here to hold the bucket in place in your car's, you know, uh, center console. I understand what's happening here. If I am out and about with this thing, it is going to be so outrageously top heavy that I will not be able to set it down any longer.

• 48:22Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 48:22Griffin McElroy?

  While it has this, this elephant butt plug here sort of attached to the bottom of it.

• 48:27Travis McElroy?

  It also guarantees that even a minor car accident is going to be devastatingly dangerous.

• 48:33Griffin McElroy?

  Sure.

• 48:35Travis McElroy?

  These things, these things should have a kill switch at the bottom where if you put them in your cup holder, you should not be allowed to drive.

• 48:42Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 48:42Travis McElroy?

  This is a good idea.

• 48:43Travis McElroy?

  It's a weight is hard.

• 48:44Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. It just like presses down on the gas line in such a way that the car ignition gets whatever.

• 48:51Griffin McElroy?

  I do appreciate the, I appreciate the engineering of this because the other solve for this would be give me, give me a Duncan bucket that is approximately, uh, four feet tall, um, and can fit in a normal cup holder width. It's just sort of a four foot tall kind of, uh, hurricane, New Orleans kind of cup situation.

• 49:12Travis McElroy?

  What's terrible is, uh, you, you can't even buy this thing. Just in time for the return of beverage buckets, Duncan rewards members with boosted status will get exclusive access to score a bucket holder online beginning July twenty ninth while supplies last.

• 49:31Travis McElroy?

  Wouldn't it be wild if it wasn't just in time for them coming out since it's their product?

• 49:37Griffin McElroy?

  Duncan here, sorry.

• 49:40Travis McElroy?

  Sorry. We designed this thing, but not until yesterday Doug came up with it. So we're putting the buckets out and then about six months of R and D, we'll be able to roll out this bucket holding monstrosity. So just, we just need you guys to deal with it till then.

• 49:56Travis McElroy?

  This is, there's an FAQ. Do you guys have queues? Like, could you have any queues after that? I mean, other than like the big ones, right? Is there any queues that you would need Duncan to answer at this point?

• 50:09Travis McElroy?

  How much are refills is the only thing I want to know.

• 50:11Griffin McElroy?

  How much are refills? Can I get a bucket full of the King Kylie collection, you know, pink, pink summer sips?

• 50:18Travis McElroy?

  The last queue on the FAQ is, why did Duncan create the bucket holder?

• 50:24Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 50:24Travis McElroy?

  This is the last, this is the last frequently asked question is why?

• 50:29Griffin McElroy?

  Why?

• 50:29Travis McElroy?

  Do it.

• 50:30Griffin McElroy?

  Could Duncan make a bucket so big a holder couldn't hold it?

• 50:34Travis McElroy?

  During the initial market test earlier this year, guests made one thing clear. They loved the buckets and wanted an easier way to bring them along for whatever their day has in store.

• 50:42Travis McElroy?

  You know what your day has in store if you're drinking forty eight ounces of coffee?

• 50:46Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, pissing.

• 50:48Griffin McElroy?

  Pissing and tummy ache.

• 50:49Travis McElroy?

  Vibrating for a while.

• 50:51Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 50:53Travis McElroy?

  Um, the, the, uh, I, I would just like to say, and I, I know that I've been part of the problem for, for quite some time here with the Munch Squad. I would like to request that if we are going to do all of Wally, could we at least get the robots? Like, I would like to, if we are going to just skip straight to Wally, this doesn't feel like a joke. They're not really like winking. They're just saying like, hey.

• 51:18Travis McElroy?

  Hey, you gluttons. Enjoy.

• 51:21Travis McElroy?

  Come, come bucket out. Come, come grab a coffee.

• 51:24Griffin McElroy?

  It sucks. It sucks so bad that Fred Willard can't be president. Like there's some things about that future that are, that is unattainable because we've been really dragging our asses.

• 51:32Travis McElroy?

  But now we are able to carry our buckets in our floating chair cup holders. So thank you so much.

• 51:37Griffin McElroy?

  That's awesome. Just give me, give me little box bots.

• 51:42Travis McElroy?

  Yes, please. Shaq is walking me around in his arms.

• 51:46Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 51:46Travis McElroy?

  In his, in his exosuit. I'm sucking down the huge beverage bucket. I love it. I'm begging them to bring back the pretzel burger. They did?

• 51:54Travis McElroy?

  They did.

• 51:54Travis McElroy?

  Everything's perfect.

• 51:56Travis McElroy?

  Except I do need a little robot that loves show tunes and scoops up garbage and.

• 52:02Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 52:03Travis McElroy?

  Hey, thank you so much for listening to our podcast. This one? Yeah, it's called My Brother, My Brother.

• 52:07Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 52:08Travis McElroy?

  I've been doing it for a long time, to be honest with you.

• 52:12Travis McElroy?

  And thank you to everybody who came out to Gen Con, uh, for the stuff that I was in. It was very fun. And if you like seeing stuff in person, might I recommend the besties live on Broadway, October ninth at the Town Hall in NYC. You can get your tickets at bit.ly slash besties on Broadway.

• 52:29Griffin McElroy?

  Um, hey, our book's out. Our last Taz, uh, balanced graphic novel adaptation, The Adventure Zone Story and Song is out in bookstores now, or you can go to theadventurzonecomic.com. Um, and hey, man, give it a spin. Give it a whirl. I'm so proud of it. Um, we got new merch over in the merch store too. You want to tell us about it, Justin?

• 52:48Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I would just like to tell you about it.

• 52:50Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 52:50Travis McElroy?

  If I can, there is a new stick with it big boy card. It's designed by Matty Veyon. There is a new sticker, the new Sawbones logo designed by Matt H. Taylor and a Schmanner's logo pen with that new logo designed by Dana Wagner.

• 53:05Travis McElroy?

  And there's the McRae family clubhouse pin.

• 53:07Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, there's so much stuff.

• 53:09Travis McElroy?

  And ten percent of all the merch proceeds this month are going to be donated to Native Women Lead, which revolutionize systems and inspires innovation by investing in native women in business. So, uh, is that it?

• 53:21Travis McElroy?

  Also, yes, uh, we're doing, uh, Taz Royale, T-Taz, the, the Adventure Zone Zone. Email them to [email protected].

• 53:30Griffin McElroy?

  Them being your questions.

• 53:31Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. If you have questions for us to answer on that T-Taz, put T-Taz Royale in the subject line. And we're doing, uh, Clubhouse tomorrow, August fourth, uh, and then another one.

• 53:41Griffin McElroy?

  Perhaps today, depending on what time this actually goes up. August fourth, whatever day that is for you.

• 53:46Travis McElroy?

  And on August twenty fifth. So check those out as well as our normal, uh, game streams.

• 53:51Travis McElroy?

  At noon Eastern.

• 53:53Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Um, anyone got anything good? Is it fucked up to throw our book or did we already do that?

• 53:58Travis McElroy?

  I threw the book.

• 53:59Travis McElroy?

  You threw the book.

• 54:01Travis McElroy?

  Let me see what I got.

• 54:03Travis McElroy?

  I got a 3D printed butterfly knife I could throw.

• 54:06Griffin McElroy?

  Only if it sticks in.

• 54:08Travis McElroy?

  Wow, no, it's not real. I mean, it's 3D printed.

• 54:11Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 54:12Travis McElroy?

  I got a, a box of Bible verse pins.

• 54:16Travis McElroy?

  Oh, yeah.

• 54:17Travis McElroy?

  I got my, I got a Bible verse pin. This is a good one. I love you, Lord, my strength. Psalm eighteen one.

• 54:24Travis McElroy?

  Oh, that always gets me.

• 54:26Griffin McElroy?

  Can you throw like a fistful of those at the wall? I think one won't.

• 54:30Travis McElroy?

  Oh, I got something better. Wait, I'm, forget the Bible pin. I got something way better, guys.

• 54:34Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 54:35Travis McElroy?

  Way better.

• 54:36Griffin McElroy?

  What's that?

• 54:37Travis McElroy?

  I got a Capri Sun Moon Punch.

• 54:39Travis McElroy?

  Hell, yeah.

• 54:40Travis McElroy?

  Here, unopened.

• 54:41Griffin McElroy?

  Is it?

• 54:42Travis McElroy?

  This could go so fucking bad.

• 54:44Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, dude, hold on. Let me full screen your video because I gotta watch this gush if it gushes.

• 54:49Travis McElroy?

  You gotta watch it gush if it gushes. That's where the old wheel spins round.

• 54:55Griffin McElroy?

  Come on, dude. Throw it at a, throw it at a sharp angle.

• 54:57Travis McElroy?

  Gotta let it gushes all around. Gotta let it win it gushes.

• 55:01Griffin McElroy?

  Really shut.

• 55:03Travis McElroy?

  Fuck.

• 55:04Travis McElroy?

  My name is Justin McRoy.

• 55:05Travis McElroy?

  I'm Travis McRoy.

• 55:07Griffin McElroy?

  I'm Griffin McRoy. Close, stay closed. Open, stay closed.

• 55:10Travis McElroy?

  I'm blowing my head, but this has been my brother, my brother, me, Dad, square on the lips.