How Dogs Changed my Life (with The Dogist)

We all have our own ways of coping - especially when things get tough. So for the next few shows we're going to talking to people with interesting coping strategies. And we start with Elias Weiss Friedman, aka The Dogist. https://www.instagram.com/thedogist/?hl=en Throughout his life, Elias has found comfort in dogs. And when he got fired from his job, dogs came to the rescue again - they helped him forge a new career as a photographer and a social media star. Elias discusses his journey and what he thinks dogs can teach us about being our best selves. And for more stories, check out his new book This Dog Will Change Your Life https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/750870/this-dog-will-change-your-life-by-elias-weiss-friedman-with-ben-greenman/. See omnystudio.com/listener https://omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 1:42Laurie Santos?

  Pushkin.

• 1:49Laurie Santos?

  When it comes to feeling happier, there's no one-size-fits-all approach. When times get really tough, many of us have our own, unique ways to cope. And that is what we'll be exploring in this new season of the Happiness Lab. The creative strategies that different people use to bring joy back into their lives, especially during times that don't feel so great. Over the next few episodes, I'm going to be talking to people about their coping strategies. The things that bring them pleasure and calm, that get them out of the house and meeting new people, and that ultimately help them cope when they're feeling overwhelmed. You'll hear about the power of music, nature, sports, and simple hobbies to make our lives happier. And first up is the story of Elias Weiss-Friedman. If that name's not familiar, go check your Instagram feed.

• 2:33Laurie Santos?

  Because you might know Elias better as the Dog-est.

• 2:35Speaker 04

  All right, Italian Greyhound in an outfit. Excuse me, may I take a photo of your dog quickly? Yeah. Yeah? Oh my god, you are. The Dog-est.

• 2:43Laurie Santos?

  For over a decade, Elias has walked the streets of New York, asking dog owners if he can take photos of their pets. Elias's pup portraits are amazing.

• 2:52Speaker 04

  How old is Wiko?

• 2:53Speaker 05

  He's a year.

• 2:54Speaker 04

  Year and change, yeah. Can you have a little biscuit?

• 2:57Speaker 05

  Yeah, of course.

• 2:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's for you.

• 2:59Laurie Santos?

  But what's really made the Dog-est a huge hit on social media are the heartwarming interactions Elias has with both the dogs and the humans that he meets.

• 3:08Speaker 04

  Oh my god, I'm honored. I've never met a witch's dog. There's a movie, a Disney movie in there somewhere.

• 3:14Laurie Santos?

  Elias has a new book out, This Dog Will Change Your Life, which explores how dogs improve the lives of so many people. And there's lots of research to back this up. Studies show that dogs help us stay active and engaged. They keep us in the moment and help us notice our surroundings. They're also goofy companions, who encourage us to let down our barriers and talk to strangers. But This Dog Will Change Your Life isn't just a book about dogs in the abstract. It has lots of stories from Elias himself about how our furry friends help us cope, including tales from his youngest days, which explain the very special place dogs hold in his heart.

• 3:48Speaker 04

  It's a little bit like a scary story, perhaps. I was with my grandmother at her house, and she was watching me, and I was a toddler. And she went in to get a jacket and left me outside with Oreo, her black Labrador. I don't know what was going through my head. Maybe it was, let's go on an adventure. And when she came back outside, I was gone. She called the police and called my parents and fire department and everything. They thought the worst. I don't remember it personally. This is what my parents would tell me. But a landscaper saw me on the side of the road with Oreo, and Oreo was sort of like keeping me out of the road. And I guess Oreo kept me out of harm's way. And it was an early indication of my love of dogs.

• 4:32Speaker 04

  And like, that's part of my origin story, you could say.

• 4:35Laurie Santos?

  It also seems like you've been around dogs like your whole life, and they've been kind of helping you your whole life. Tell me a little bit about kind of your childhood in some ways that dogs helped you even back then.

• 4:43Speaker 04

  I was always a shy kid. I was social, but just not sort of extroverted. I was an introverted person. And dogs are sort of not burdened by self-consciousness and anxiety about approaching others. I mean, not all dogs will, but most of them are, I would say. And so when you go up to a dog, that was just sort of like a safe place for me was going up to my dog Ruby and getting attention and love. And I always had this sort of dry sense of humor and would speak on my dog's behalf, you know, make everyone in the house laugh. And that was me expressing myself in a very like fun, pure form that I didn't really get to do otherwise.

• 5:22Laurie Santos?

  Can you, maybe this is too much, but can you do a version of the Ruby ventriloquism for the podcast?

• 5:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, let's see. She would go up to my brother and he's like, hey, we, what are you doing? You never pet me anymore. I don't know. It's been, it's been a while since I've done that.

• 5:38Laurie Santos?

  It's been a while.

• 5:39Speaker 04

  But like, you know, Ruby, you know, and, and other dogs were like my muses. And it was like, you're seeing the true Elias come out and it made everyone relax and like me more. That's where the origin of my love of dogs, I think, began was just sort of enabling me as a shy kid to be my true self.

• 5:56Laurie Santos?

  Kind of going back to the origin stories, I wanted to start with the second time a dog saved your life, at least metaphorically. Set up what was going on when you were 25 and sort of what happened next.

• 6:06Speaker 04

  So I worked in a brand strategy agency, helping companies tell their story. It was a great job. Like I learned probably more in that job than I did in college. And it just like about how to work in the real world as a professional. But then, you know, me and a colleague both got an email like, oh, come to the office of like the group director. And I'm like, oh, what's this? Okay. We'll bring our notebooks. This could be our new thing. We'll work together. And then it was a rainy day, just like today.

• 6:32Speaker 04

  And he says, things were slow at the office, so today will be your last day.

• 6:38Speaker 04

  And we're like, oh, okay.

• 6:41Speaker 04

  That was obviously a bit startling. I was dreading having to slink home with the tail between my legs and have to tell my friends and family that I was fired, but that was the worst of it. My inner child was like, oh, this may actually be a good thing. I was in New York as a 25 year old and I didn't know what I wanted to do next. And so I sort of sought the counsel of my friends who were in the tech space in the city and who were like making things on their own and being their own bosses. And I sort of just had this moment of like, what would I want to do? Instead of getting the same job somewhere else, what is my sole want? I want to hang out with dogs. I miss having a dog. They're walking all over around New York City. People are fascinated with them. They're obsessed

• 7:23Speaker 04

  with them. I had grown up with a dark room in the house and had always been into like creating dog content. And I had, you know, a bunch of camera equipment. Within a year, you know, I was like interviewing dogs about world news on video, but that was a little bit like strange for, you know, to get people's dogs all riled up. But then I started taking portraits. That was like the epiphany. I just remember like I was in Williamsburg in Brooklyn and came across a Frenchie and I like had said, okay, may I take a photo of your Frenchie? And he said, yeah, I did. And then he said, what's this for? And I was like, the dog-est. And it just sort of rolled off my tongue. It was like, it sounded good. And then I was off to the races. It sort of started as a joke, like, wouldn't it be funny to photograph dogs in this sort of serious way? You know, the sartorialist

• 8:04Speaker 04

  for dogs. And I would walk around the streets of New York. I figured out my system, you know, I'm wearing the same pants I wore 11 years ago, these like cargo pants. I used to wear kneepads because I need to get down into the dog zone, the dog level. Literally, my job was to walk in the park. I would say, oh, I'm going to go to Central Park today, or I'm going to go to Brooklyn, or walk around Soho and just try and create great images. Whether the dog stands out on its own because it's like unique looking or charismatic, or the person is wearing like cool shoes or an outfit. Of course, my dad was like, how are you going to make money? Like, this is like, what is this? When are you going to get a real job type of thing? Like, but that was sort of like the moment when I accepted myself. This is going to be okay. This is going to be good. How could people not love

• 8:49Speaker 04

  this? People love dogs, so I've chosen a good subject. And also, people love New York.

• 8:57Speaker 04

  New York has this magnetism. Everyone around the world is so curious about New York. And it just sort of got traction quickly. And you know, Huffington Post and all local news. And of course, everyone was like, thank God this now exists. And so I went from being a 25 year old person in New York, trying to like, find their purpose to being celebrated as like an artist and a dog person, like celebrated for something I really wanted to do. That's fun. And like, I wanted to be known for. And so the dogs saved me again.

• 9:30Laurie Santos?

  I mean, one of the cool things about what you do is that you're kind of using the power of technology for good. I think unlike many influencers, you're really using the power of technology to get people to connect rather than divide people. You had this lovely quote in your book where you said, I think sometimes dog content is the single strand of wire tethering our society to decency and sanity. Can I explain what you mean there?

• 9:51Speaker 04

  That's sort of like, I think, part of the success of the dogist is that everything on the internet is very like grown up. Most of the time, we're expected to take things seriously. And here I was being like, what if like, we just had a whole account about dogs? This is what the dogs would want for us. And everyone was like, oh my God, can we, can we actually do that? Can we make this a real thing? And I'm like, yeah, we can. The joke is like, you know, me, this guy who's like, gonna take this project extremely seriously. I'm gonna get this really dramatic pictures of dogs and he's gonna wear kneepads and like, make this his whole life. And the whole thing is kind of like a joke, like dogs don't really want their pictures taken. Not that they wouldn't, but they don't conceive of what a camera is. So no dog is ever like, don't post that, like delete that picture,

• 10:36Speaker 04

  take it down. Like, my nose looks big, or my ears look weird. Like, there are these beings that live with us and are completely free of the things that we are so worried about. If only we could be like that. If only we could tell our most embarrassing story, post our least flattering picture, and be in front of, you know, 10 million people and not care. Did Riley see the post? I hope he doesn't think I'm weird now.

• 11:01Laurie Santos?

  The first time you went out on that photo shoot, like, what was that like?

• 11:04Speaker 04

  I trusted my gut. I knew that there was something there. I mean, everyone's a dog photographer, right? I was not the first person with this idea to create a project around dogs, but I just sort of decided I wanted to take it to another level. I grew up in a house that was a little bit zany. The dog mentalism thing where dogs are sort of like have inner monologues. Like, I didn't create that. I was steeped in that growing up. But the idea of creating a whole project around something that on the surface seems like silly, you have to be a little disruptive and be willing to be disruptive and to not listen to other people in order to find success in the thing that you love. And motivational speaker Gary Vaynerchuk, he would say things like, do your Smurf blog. Whatever it is that you think is cool,

• 11:50Speaker 04

  there are many people who also would find it cool. And of all the things I chose, I chose one of the most popular things, dogs. But at the time, this was like before really being an influencer was a thing. And like, we're still figuring out what like social media was and what it could be. And so I did the thing that seemed strange at the time, but was sort of the thing we all needed.

• 12:11Laurie Santos?

  Talk to me about just how big the doggus has gotten since that first Frenchy photo.

• 12:15Speaker 04

  Yeah, I mean, it's been 11 years, going on 12 years. And I've garnered an audience of close to 10 million people from all around the world, become a New York Times bestselling author, my first narrative book coming out about my experiences, working with all types of incredible dog organizations, being invited to the White House, you know, photographed something like 50,000 dogs. Maybe that's a world record. I don't know. But it's certainly changed the fabric. You know, I say changed the fabric of who I am, but really it's just, it is who I am.

• 12:47Laurie Santos?

  It also seems like it's given you other ways to find a sense of purpose, right?

• 12:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, I mean, when I was like, let go for my job, I kind of had this bitterness in a way of like, well, if people don't like me, well, dogs are great. I've always felt that way, that like, dogs represent like the type of person we wish we could be. We designed dogs largely. We picked the ones that we loved. That's how golden retrievers came to be. They didn't just, they're not a naturally occurring thing.

• 13:15Speaker 04

  We picked dogs that we loved and, and you know, dogs are extremely expressive and of all the animals out there, they're the one that are extremely generous with eye contact. So when you look at them, it feels like they're staring into your soul, which they basically are. And so that dopamine hit, that oxytocin that you get from just being around a dog and having eye contact and feeling the sense of being in the present, existing and pure love is something I didn't want people to take for granted. And that's sort of my top line mission as the doggust is to help us appreciate dogs more than we already do. And of course, no amount of obsession is enough.

• 13:54Laurie Santos?

  We're going to take a quick break. But when we return, Elias and I will explore the science of why dogs can be so good for you.

• 14:03Laurie Santos?

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• 15:29Laurie Santos?

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• 16:58Laurie Santos?

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• 17:24Laurie Santos?

  Dog photographer Elias Weiss-Friedman used his pup to navigate the shyness of his childhood. Later on in life, dogs gave him a fulfilling career path after he got fired. Dogs can indeed be a glimmer of light in our darkest days, which is why, when times are very tough, so many of us think about getting one.

• 17:42Speaker 04

  The stat that I always think of around that is like, after 9/11 happened in New York, the population of dogs doubled in the city. Something similar happened with a pandemic. And you said I can curse on the show.

• 17:56Laurie Santos?

  Yeah, please, yeah.

• 17:58Speaker 04

  The thing I imagine is going through people's minds is like, when something bad happens, when it seems like the world is ending or something, people are like, fuck it, I'm gonna get a dog. What am I waiting for? Why am I delaying happiness? I've been working this job for 10 years. I'm not happy. Maybe it's all for nothing. Maybe if I could just die the next day, why don't I just be happy now? And so that's when people get dogs. Because it's like, let's do this now. How about that?

• 18:26Laurie Santos?

  I love that. And that fits with so much of what the science shows us, which is that dogs have all these benefits, both for our health and our happiness. Let's just start with our health. Researchers talk about this so-called pet effect, where you get double-digit reductions in things like heart disease and even other risk factors for dying just by having a dog. And you talked about this in your book, with this idea that dogs help our physical health because they get us moving, which is something you saw even as a shy kid, right?

• 18:50Speaker 04

  They get us out of the apartment. They get us walking. I mean, it seems sort of like, it's almost like a boring fact, but it's so real.

• 18:59Laurie Santos?

  There's also like a real ritual to the dog walk, too, that you've talked about, that it's not just kind of getting outside, but you're kind of doing something that has this present ritual quality.

• 19:07Speaker 04

  Like, if we didn't have our dog, we would sleep in, probably, and our circadian rhythms would be off. We'd probably drink more because we'd be like, oh, we have no responsibilities. We get sunlight in the beginning of the day. We establish relationships with people in our neighborhood. One of the things I've been saying recently, and I may sound like a broken record because I've been saying it, is before you get a dog, you know your neighbor. And after you get a dog, you know your neighborhood. Like, for all the intangible things that dogs do for us, there are some very real tangible ones. They get you out and you meet 10 people. And so you take the dog away, you're staying inside on your computer, and you meet zero people. Or maybe one person on the internet, which counts for half a point.

• 19:47Laurie Santos?

  And this seems to be one of the real profound things that dogs do is that they can kind of be this social lubricant. In your book, you talked about the importance of dog assisted conversations. What do you mean there and why can those be so important?

• 19:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, dogs are furry icebreakers. People are passing each other on the street. They probably are like ships in the night. They don't say hi to one another, but like, you know, two people walking their dogs, their dogs are gonna say hi. They're gonna be interested and then all of a sudden you're striking up a conversation. They're the spark that are creating, catalyzing this social interaction. What else is gonna do that? I mean, it's like people will go to the bar, they'll go to like social events and maybe that'll happen, but on a daily basis, like as a daily routine of walking your dog, there's nothing else like it.

• 20:29Laurie Santos?

  This is something you've also seen just in your role of taking pictures of people's dogs. You've mentioned how even though at first people are kind of like a bit weirded out by you showing up and talking to them, ultimately you get the sense that they're kind of relieved to have someone to talk to.

• 20:42Speaker 04

  Yeah, people like talking to another person, even if they don't seem that way, like from five feet away. People want to engage. You know, the internet and the society that we've become where we're glued to our phones, the incidence of like loneliness is so high where like how much eye contact and conversation do you have in person anymore? We're starved of it. This is like the weird state of society right now where you can totally get away with not talking to people. And so here I am, this sort of random person who wants to say hi to your dog and then all of a sudden is asking you a question and wants to know your opinion and wants you to tell a story. And I just stop talking and let you talk. And they're like, what? It's my turn? Like I have the microphone? This is kind of cool. Like I'm happy that you're letting me tell a story.

• 21:27Speaker 04

  And also, the stories about our dogs are like the one type of story we feel totally liberated to give every detail about. You know, when we're talking about ourselves or talking about people we know, we're like, well, I don't know if they'll want me to say that or I shouldn't say that about myself or like, how will people judge me or think of me? But with the dog, it's like, let me tell you that one. You know, like how like freeing and fun is that to just laugh and like connect with someone about a story and just include every detail and And I know that people will like me for this story that I'm telling. Like, you know, a lot of people know the dogist at this point and they know like that their dog is going to be seen by a lot of people and the story is going to be heard. And it's just sort of like, it's awesome to, I'm sure, be the person to sort of share

• 22:11Speaker 04

  something authentic and also watch people be authentic.

• 22:15Laurie Santos?

  Yeah, I mean, this is something that we know from some of the research, right? Which is that what really connects people are these like deep, very vulnerable conversations where you show your messy self and you kind of take some humor in that, right? But it can be really hard to do just talking about yourself. But somehow the dog, when you're talking about your dog, you can do that. And it sometimes leads to kind of vulnerabilities about yourself that you wouldn't share either because you start with the dog and then it kind of leaks into you talking about yourself.

• 22:38Speaker 04

  It's all connected, you know? A story about our dog is also really a story about us, you know, unconditional love and helping them meet their significant other. You know, we're such good like detectives of when people are bullshitting. You know, we watch someone talk and say, I don't know about themselves. But the way people light up and let their hair down when they're talking about their dogs and laughing and it's just sort of like charming to watch.

• 23:06Laurie Santos?

  You've also found that kind of connecting over dogs can really help us get over our political differences.

• 23:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, I am, you know, I'm always like looking at the dog first when I'm walking around. So I saw a German shepherd and I'm like, oh, beautiful dog. I asked them, oh, may I take a photo of your dog? And I was like, sure. And he, you know, he turns around and he's like wearing a big Trump shirt. And, you know, in New York City, walking around with that, you're sort of like asking for attention. And so I'm like, oh, he's making a political statement and like, that's not what the dogist is about. And I like to keep it sort of apolitical. But then the second thought was just like, we're just talking about his dog here. Why do I need to like get political with this? Like, I'm making it political. You know, let's just be humans here. Forget the shirt. And we connected about the dog. The dog saved the day.

• 23:55Speaker 04

  You know, it was a reminder of how important it is that we don't be at odds with each other and dogs help us not be at odds with each other. I've heard so many stories about. People across party lines who, when they find out that someone who they might be opposed to politically is a dog person, you know, they can get along now. It's like, we have common ground. Like, you're cool. That's healthy politics, right? We can disagree and still hear each other out, you know?

• 24:20Laurie Santos?

  And so that's how dogs can connect us with one another. But another thing we get from dogs also is just the social support and the connection that they give us directly. And this seems like something you've heard most on the doggist. You talk about if there was one message you get from all the kind of dog lovers you've met, it's just this idea of unconditional love.

• 24:38Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm. Ask people point blank, like, what's your favorite thing about having a dog? It's like, almost 90%, they'll say, like, it's when I come home and the dog is just so happy to see me. Because sometimes we feel stressed during the day. It affects our mood. But when we come home and there's someone who doesn't know what happened to us that day, and is just so unconditionally happy to see us, and isn't asking questions about the work drama, or how the presentation go, there's just something very soothing and comforting about that. That consistent happiness we can expect, and we can plan on it. That sort of washes away anxiety we may have. It's like, 100% of the time, "Hi,

• 25:19Speaker 04

  Dad! You know, can I have a belly rub? Like, how are you?" That is such a mood enhancer.

• 25:26Laurie Santos?

  There's also lots of evidence that it really, literally decreases our stress and our level of pain. One of my favorite studies had participants, like, put their hand in this so-called cold-presser task, which is like, you actually put your hand in this super, super cold water that, like, puts you in pretty terrible pain. And you either have a dog present or not. And they find that you literally experience less pain when you have a dog present. So it seems like all the anxieties of work, all that stuff, we come home, and they're literally helping us through it.

• 25:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm not surprised by that. And they're extremely intuitive about our emotional state. I'm pretty sure they can, like, smell it. I just did a talk at Harvard, and they have this lab there where they did an empathy test, where I pretended to hit my finger with a hammer. And I faked it and started crying, you know, like, "Oh, oh!" And the dog came running up and licked me on the face. Dogs are extremely empathetic. They know when things aren't going well. They know when you need love. They will give it to you whenever you need it. And we need it more often these days, I think.

• 26:23Laurie Santos?

  And I think that's another thing we forget that dogs can give us. That dogs can connect us better to ourselves. They can kind of model how we should be treating ourselves. And I know this is something you talk about a lot. You've argued that dogs can make us a little bit less self-conscious, which is helpful and kind of maybe less self-critical, too. What do you mean there?

• 26:40Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think we see the way that dogs are free with themselves, how they are totally candid. They express their emotions, whether it's fear or happiness or confusion or sadness, without any hesitation about the way they're perceived. You know, I don't know that dogs have a sense of humor, but I think I think they do. You know, like, I feel like dogs would be like funny and just sort of like willing to be silly. Like, you see the way dogs play with each other. And so when we see that, I don't know whether it's mirroring or something or behavioral association, but we become more like that. We think, OK, maybe it's OK to like just be ourselves, to not look in the mirror and question how it will be perceived by others. One of the stories I read about is my wife, Sam,

• 27:25Speaker 04

  and I went to a Halloween party and everyone was masked. And we were all freely talking to one another and in our anonymity, like a dog would, running into a dog park. And later on in the night, this person we were talking to, she took off her mask and my wife, Sam, was all of a sudden started freaking out. And she'd be like, you know who that is? That's like one of my heroes, like this famous person. And all of a sudden, she was, you know, self-conscious and like, oh, I don't know, like, if I should talk to her. We'd already been talking to her for 30 minutes about bagels. You know, like, what's the big deal? But dogs, they don't have an ego. You know, they have an ability to just be themselves, to run into the park and sniff butts and not worry about how that other dog may think of them.

• 28:08Speaker 04

  That initial sort of lack of fear around their reputation and being self-conscious is something that we admire and we we wish we could possess more. And that's probably the biggest reason why I gravitated towards dogs, because I was shy and dogs aren't shy. And just by being at the other end of the leash of a dog, you, by proxy, just become less shy, you know, more social.

• 28:34Laurie Santos?

  It's time for another break. But we'll be back soon to discuss the surprising ways that dogs can help us heal after trauma. The Happiness Lab will be back in a moment.

• 28:45Laurie Santos?

  Okay, quick pop quiz. Ready? What's your daily routine for fueling your gut? If your brain immediately went, "Ah, that's fair." We spend a lot of time thinking about what fuels our body, but when it comes to gut health, things can start to feel surprisingly complicated. The good news: it doesn't have to be. That's why Kashi Gut Health Granola is such an easy win. It's a straightforward, delicious way to help fuel your gut, made with prebiotics, fiber, and gut-activated cultures. Plus, it tastes good. Wait, let me rephrase that. Kashi Gut Health Granola is delicious. Their Blueberry Almond Granola, for example, starts with whole-grain oats and combines them with, well, blueberries and almonds. It's right there in the name.

• 29:30Laurie Santos?

  But it's so good. And Kashi Gut Health Granola makes a great breakfast. It's also the kind of afternoon snack that's just so satisfying. I mean, it's straightforward. It fuels your gut, and it tastes great. Gut fuel is in the bag. Say hi to new Kashi Gut Health Granola. Research shows that a good night's sleep can put a smile on your face. And that's because sleep is essential for happiness. Enter Dr. Teal's Magnesium Spray, a proprietary blend of topical minerals powered by pure Epsom salt and natural Dead Sea salt to help you get ready for bedtime. When you need a reset after a long day, make Dr. Teal's Magnesium Spray part of your nighttime routine. It's an effortless way to relax your body and your mind. Dr. Teal's Magnesium Spray

• 30:14Laurie Santos?

  comes in a lightweight, fast-drying formula. Just shake it up, generously spritz on the soles of your feet, and massage until absorbed. I've long been a fan of Dr. Teal's, so I was excited when I learned that they had a new product to help me unwind. I tried out Dr. Teal's Magnesium Spray after a particularly hard week. It was the perfect ritual to end my day and signaled to my brain that the work week was over and it was time to rest. For wellness you can feel, find Dr. Teal's Magnesium Spray online and in your local bath aisle. Dr. Teal's. Yep, you needed that. With the holidays coming up, I've been thinking a lot about how to make my new sabbatical place feel a little more like home and a little more festive for hosting friends and family. So after recently getting an awesome new living room rug from Wayfair, I wanted to pull the whole look together.

• 30:59Laurie Santos?

  I found these gorgeous round ruched velvet pillows on Wayfair and bought them in a bunch of different colors to complement the rug. They're soft, they add a fun pop of color, and they make my apartment feel so much more pulled together and ready for the holidays. For all things hosting, Wayfair delivers high-quality, customer-trusted products for your home so you can host and celebrate without the stress. And with Wayfair Verified, you can create a home that stands up to real life with quality products, great value, and trusted reviews. Their products are hand-vetted by product specialists using a 10-point quality inspection. These days, I've been using Wayfair a lot, and I think you should too. When refreshing your home this holiday season, Wayfair delivers exactly what you need. Head to wayfair.com to shop all things home.

• 31:44Laurie Santos?

  That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R dot com.

• 31:54Laurie Santos?

  In his role as social media sensation of dog-est, Elias Weiss-Friedman had the privilege of photographing hundreds of dogs each year. But Elias's fame has also given him the chance to meet some very special pups: service dogs, dogs that are individually trained to help people with health issues or disabilities. These encounters have had a huge impact on Elias. In his book, This Dog Will Change Your Life, he describes one such meeting with a woman named Sharon.

• 32:19Speaker 04

  Sharon, she was an Army nurse. And as an Army nurse, you see people in their worst moments of their lives, right? You can only imagine. And so when you come back, those memories don't go away. And so this woman had a dog from America's Vet Dogs, who basically helps her with PTSD and nightmare interruption. And the dog will turn the lights on so that she doesn't have to enter a dark room. So yeah, I, you know, I've worked with America's Vet Dogs a number of times over the years and scheduled this series, you know, for veterans. And so I went to Sharon's house in New Jersey, and everything was just sort of like normal. Like, she was just talking to me like a regular person and telling me what her dog did for her.

• 33:04Speaker 04

  And it was not very dramatic, you know? Later in the day, we ended up at...

• 33:12Speaker 04

  Later in the day, we ended up at the headquarters and I was speaking with America's Vet Dog CEO. And she said, "Oh, I heard you met up with Sharon earlier." I said, "Yeah, yeah." And recounted it a little bit. And she said, "You know that Sharon used to be nonverbal and she would shake." And...

• 33:34Speaker 04

  Sorry, it gets to me, like, just talking about it. But, like, that's what her dog did for her.

• 33:44Speaker 04

  So, through all the stuff that she's been through and state that she was in previously, to have a dog come in and just change who she is as a person, it's hard to quantify that. You know, the power of a dog, that to take someone who's completely non-functional, make them appear normal. Like, how do you quantify that?

• 34:04Laurie Santos?

  You've also seen this again and again with dogs who've been working with veterans. I know you've talked about Nathan, another retired vet from the Air Force. You know, how did his dog help him?

• 34:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, Nathan, he worked, as he would say, in nukes, in the nuclear division. And the one thing you have to be to work in that space is 100% good all the time. "Are you okay?" "Yes." So that's like being a robot, basically. And Nathan wasn't always okay. It's so intense, like, you can't even have Advil. And so, for his whole career, that's the way he had to be. And, you know, he had all types of, like, physical ailments because of the number of hours he had to be at the controls. And so, when he retired, how do you, like, deprogram all that training? And live in a relationship with someone and be a human again after, you know, "What if you're not okay?" And so, he became like a shut-in and, like, was completely asocial,

• 34:58Speaker 04

  had all types of fear of things. And, you know, only he could articulate all those details, but... He knew he needed help and as a veteran, he reached out to this organization, America's Vet Dogs, and he got this dog. Fast forward a couple of years, he's now a public speaker and is like the most outgoing, big personality. You know, he's like a mohawk. He's a totally different person, or rather, he is his true self, instead of a scared person who's affected by PTSD. And so, once again, the dog isn't doing all types of magic tricks and it's all in the subtlety, in the nuances of living with a dog. And little by little, they chip away

• 35:41Speaker 04

  at these things that we create for ourselves so that we can live a better life.

• 35:46Laurie Santos?

  And so it seems like dogs have all these benefits, even in these extreme situations. But a lot of folks who can kind of see these benefits, or maybe you're thinking about getting a dog, they don't actually take the plunge. And one of the things I loved about your story was that it surprisingly, maybe, it actually took you a while to take the plunge, too. I think this is one of the dirty secrets of the early dog-est years, was that you yourself did not have a dog, right?

• 36:08Speaker 04

  Yeah. Well, I was on dog hiatus. You know, I sort of saw myself as a bit of an artist, but I felt like a lot of my motivation came out of this dog nostalgia, where I missed having a dog. What would happen if I got a dog? Would I stop being the dog-est? Because I was driven to meet other people's dogs and to travel around the world and to try and meet as many dogs as possible. And also, obviously, having a dog requires a lot of responsibility and time. So I think there was just this period in my life where I was just sort of focused on building my career and exploring who I was as a person. And I had all the dogs, is what I would say, when people had asked me that question. But

• 36:51Speaker 04

  I was still missing something, right? Like, it's hard to fully relate to other people and the relationship they have with their dogs if you don't have one yourself, if you're not experiencing it yourself. So I grew up a bit. I matured. I mean, it was during the pandemic that everything slowed down and things came into context, into focus. And I decided that I wanted to foster a dog. And then I met Elsa. She came, you know, from Texas and on a rainy day, just like today.

• 37:19Speaker 04

  You know, she came in into our house and I was like, oh my God, oh crap. Like, she's amazing.

• 37:25Laurie Santos?

  Maybe just describe her for us.

• 37:26Speaker 04

  She's a beautiful husky mix, all white with a toasted marshmallow top, two blue eyes, and a medium size. She's like about 50 pounds, although in all honesty, she's like 55 pounds and needs to get back to 50 pounds, according to the vet. She spends too much time at grandma's house. And she's the best dog. You know, every dog is the best dog, but she's also the best dog, extremely well behaved. She's non-destructive and doesn't bark unless she's at the dog park, doesn't eat street treats off the ground. Yeah, she's amazing. And, you know, as the doggus, I was like, what type of dog will I end up with? Like, which is

• 38:08Speaker 04

  the dog for me? I've seen them all. But Elsa is the right dog for me. You know, she wasn't the dog I imagined sort of ending up with, like, but now I'm a husky guy. I love huskies or husky mixes. They have a independent thinking mind. They're very smart. They keep you on your toes. They do shed a lot. Our vacuum gets a lot of use. You know, I've heard people say like, once you get a dog that's like very smart, then you're used to certain things, like they just have like an adeptness through life that is sort of charming. And so I think I've gotten used to that. Like, she's really like her own independent person. And, you know, whenever we're having like chicken night or something, she'll go up to Sam, my wife, and, you know, mommy always got the big piece of chicken.

• 38:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's why I go to mom. Daddy had chicken too, but mommy always give me the big pieces. Daddy gives me the small pieces, not as good. I don't know.

• 39:04Laurie Santos?

  And so even for you, it took a while to maybe take the plunge. I know an occupational hazard of your job is that people ask you for advice all the time about whether they should get a dog and picking a dog. When you think about all the benefits of having a dog, what advice would you give people who are thinking about taking the plunge?

• 39:21Speaker 04

  I think make sure you're ready. So many dogs that end up in shelters because people aren't ready, whether it's because they are seeing some trend On the internet around a certain breed or a celebrity has one, oh, I want that dog. And then, or maybe their kids want a dog for the holidays. But then the dog grows up and you haven't socialized or trained it properly. And now it's sort of eating your apartment. Like, there's, there's a whole bunch of things you have to be careful about and be responsible about. So I think the first thing is, you know, researching what it means to be a dog owner. What is required? Can you afford to have a dog? You know, they're not as expensive as kids, but you know, you have to bring your dog to the vet. Dog food can be expensive. And then if you check all those boxes and you're truly sort of ready to have a dog.

• 40:05Speaker 04

  And I think there's no like good time to have a dog. Now's a good time if you're ready. I love the idea of fostering a dog from a rescue group because you get an idea of what that dog will be like to live with. And you can try it out for a minute while doing an important service, which is to help alleviate the shelter system. If you have a dog for a couple of weeks and you say, oh, like, this is great. I love the feeling of this. Follow your heart, you know? I think there's so many ways to end up in a good situation with a dog. As long as you're being responsible about it and you do plenty of research. You know, if you, if you do decide that you want, you know, a puppy from a particular breed,

• 40:47Speaker 04

  you should not be able to get that dog next weekend, which is what a lot of people, I think, fall prey to. Is this sort of like, oh, we want like this golden doodle or something and we can go next weekend when we're free. Like, that's a little bit too impulsive in my book. You know, I've seen the shelter systems, how overcrowded they are. So I'm always a proponent of if your heart isn't set on something so specific, then oftentimes the best dog is, is already there waiting for you. A lot of those dogs are mutts, you know, they're one of a kind, interesting dogs. A lot of them are adults, so you know what they're like already. Their, their sort of temperament is already established. You know what you're, you're getting into. And there's also this sort of serendipitous cosmic thing that happens when you save a dog from effectively,

• 41:32Speaker 04

  they could, they could be euthanized, seriously. You have a special relationship with that dog and I think that They know that you saved them from that, that you took them out of a place that was uncomfortable. Dogs aren't meant to live in kennels. They're social beings. They're meant to live on the outside and get to know their family and have a couch and predictability. So if you put all those things together, that's sort of the best way to go about it, in my opinion.

• 41:56Laurie Santos?

  Dogs give us so, so many benefits. I'm just wondering what you think a world without dogs would look like.

• 42:01Speaker 04

  If you take dogs away, that would not be good. Like, hopefully that never happens. I think the world would not be a better place. It would be more depressing. We would go for fewer walks. We would laugh a lot less. We would spend less time vacuuming. That's one thing, I guess. It would be a weird world.

• 42:23Laurie Santos?

  Let's hope we never do have to live in a world without dogs, because they are pretty awesome. But in the unlikely event that you're not a dog person, or you're allergic to them, there's still a lot you can take away from Elias and his story. Because dogs are a great reminder that the best way to cope is often getting back to the happiness fundamentals. With or without a dog, you should get outside and get active. Don't worry about being goofy or vulnerable. Find new ways to play and get more present. And above all, make sure you excitedly meet and greet the people around you, just like a dog in a dog park would. While you work on that, I'll be hard at work on the next episode in our special season on creative coping strategies, in which we'll focus on the surprising power of ritual and etiquette.

• 43:07Laurie Santos?

  Oh, and napkins. Lots of napkins.

• 43:11Speaker 06

  Does everybody not have a napkin collection? They should. I can strongly advocate for having one.

• 43:16Laurie Santos?

  All that next time on the Happiness Lab with me, Dr. Laurie Santos.

• 43:26Laurie Santos?

  The Happiness Lab is proudly sponsored by Amica Insurance. When it comes to taking care of their customers, Amica goes the extra mile. From listening to your insurance needs to following up after a claim, Amica provides coverage with empathy. Because as a mutual insurer, Amica is built for its customers and prioritizes you. It's the way insurance should be. Were your priority number one? Visit amica.com and get a quote today. A business gift should do more than check a box. It should reflect your brand and show someone they're appreciated, recognized, and truly seen. That's why teams trust 4imprint. With thousands of high-quality customizable products like premium apparel, drinkware,

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• 44:31Speaker 05

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• 45:14Speaker 05

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• 45:30Speaker 00

  This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.