MBMBaM 832: A Clean Bill of Pants

It’s time we started taking things seriously over here, which is why we’re digging into hard-hitting topics like using restaurants as banks, the dangers of complimenting someone’s pizza oven, and Griffin’s unexpected retirement from elite sports. We’re also bringing a brand new innovation to fashion: a t-shirt that looks like a guy wearing a t-shirt. Suggested talking points: Love-Based Fantasy Violence, BW3s is a Temple, Crepes Pizza, The Best Stinkiest Leaves, Eiffel of Tears, Not Gonna Make You Let Me Feel Bad Midwest Food Bank: https://midwestfoodbank.org/disaster-relief/

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

• 0:20Speaker 01

  One, two, three, four. It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has blossomed, it's rapid into a precious friendship. I could have never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach. My life, it feels like. Life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. My life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. This is true, ah, it's better, it's better with you.

• 1:03Speaker 01

  My life, ah, it's better with you.

• 1:10Travis McElroy?

  Hello, everybody. Welcome to my brother, my brother and me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

• 1:17Travis McElroy?

  What's up Travis? You're the oldest brother Travis, big dog, woof, woof, vroom, vroom, the heater, our award winning McElroy.

• 1:24Griffin McElroy?

  I'm extreme athlete Griffin McElroy. And I am here to formally announce.

• 1:29Travis McElroy?

  Biggest, earliest lie yet.

• 1:30Griffin McElroy?

  My retirement from the sport of high rocks. I'm fucking out, gang. All my brand deals.

• 1:38Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 1:39Griffin McElroy?

  Adidas canceled.

• 1:40Travis McElroy?

  So that's, high rocks, if you don't know, that is a fitness competition that combines eight cams of running and eight functional workout stations. It's fitness racing, a sport for everybody.

• 1:53Griffin McElroy?

  It's fitness racing, a sport I was at the forefront of at the height of my game.

• 1:59Travis McElroy?

  Turns out they combine two things no one likes to do. That's amazing.

• 2:03Griffin McElroy?

  And I can't do either one individually. I can't run eight cams. I don't even know how long that is. I can't do that.

• 2:09Travis McElroy?

  Lay eight cams down head to toe.

• 2:12Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I can't do heavy rope or super jump or.

• 2:18Travis McElroy?

  Double jump.

• 2:20Griffin McElroy?

  Or tire flip. I can't do that shit, but when you mix them together, I found my fucking niche. The only issue is that there was an event in, I, um, I, I don't know overseas. I didn't actually go to this one because I had others that there was a different.

• 2:34Travis McElroy?

  Travel ban, just say travel ban.

• 2:36Griffin McElroy?

  Travel ban. I yelled on a plane. I bailed on a plane.

• 2:39Travis McElroy?

  It was positive, but loud.

• 2:41Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, he was really excited. He was watching Mission Impossible and he was really excited that Tom Cruise.

• 2:45Griffin McElroy?

  Well, I kept looking out the window, I kept going clouds and they kicked, they wouldn't let me back on the plane.

• 2:50Travis McElroy?

  No, no, no, I like Travis's joke. Do his.

• 2:52Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, go ahead, Trav.

• 2:53Travis McElroy?

  All right, he got really excited watching Mission Impossible when Tom Cruise survived and succeeded and he just got so excited. He had to cheer for Tom. Yay, Tom.

• 3:01Travis McElroy?

  I like that better, yeah.

• 3:03Griffin McElroy?

  It was, you know, the big Beijing race and the big high rocks race. And then there was an athlete who soiled herself during the race and she went on to win and had a really fun Instagram post about it. That's like, not, not pretty, but a win's a win. And it's like, that's awesome. And then people got super mad because they're like, you can't just poop all over the floor, whatever. We are in a race, it's not safe. And then high rocks had to change the rules and institute an official rule saying that you can't shit your pants while you're doing sports. I think that's baloney. I think that sucks. You're going to ask me to push my body to the limit and then when my body pushes back, you say this far, no further? Do you want me to be as an elite athlete or do you not want me to be an elite athlete?

• 3:43Travis McElroy?

  So have these sports commissioner rulemaking people never shit their pants before? Are they thinking that someone would shit their pants and that would give them a motivational boost to do better? In what way, if anything, overcoming that and winning means a movie made about it, not punitive rule changes.

• 4:05Griffin McElroy?

  Exactly.

• 4:06Travis McElroy?

  Punitive.

• 4:07Griffin McElroy?

  Now, this is a hacksaw ridge story of, of, of facing adversity and having courage and triumphing and then we are going to punish? I don't think so. I'm sorry that there's Dookie on the floor where you're doing your athleticism. I realize it's a bio contamination.

• 4:25Travis McElroy?

  You ever play Mario Kart? That happens sometimes.

• 4:27Griffin McElroy?

  It happens sometimes. Tong Tong is a wild animal. He shits on the track all the time.

• 4:31Travis McElroy?

  That's what the banana peels are.

• 4:32Griffin McElroy?

  That's what the banana peels are. It's his poop coming out.

• 4:36Travis McElroy?

  And this is, this is like that they marijuana drug test, the THC drug test at like the Olympics. You're telling me that that makes them better at sports? It makes them faster and more, no.

• 4:47Griffin McElroy?

  No one likes to swim that much unless they're stoned out of their goddamn mind. Let me shit my pants while I'm doing big ropes.

• 4:54Travis McElroy?

  And that now if you're shit.

• 4:56Travis McElroy?

  Maybe not. Maybe don't say it that way, Griffin.

• 4:58Griffin McElroy?

  I'm doing huge ropes. Let me fucking shit right in my pants.

• 5:02Travis McElroy?

  If you shit in the pool during a swimming event, you should be removed.

• 5:06Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, let me check the Olympics rules, Justin. You guys joke, I'm going to search official Olympic rules. Can you shit in the pool? Help me out, Google AI. No, you cannot poop in an Olympic pool. Can?

• 5:22Travis McElroy?

  Not like, of course you can't.

• 5:24Griffin McElroy?

  I'm screen sharing my screen right now. I've never seen a more authoritative, a more authoritative answer from Google AI. Simply, simply.

• 5:35Travis McElroy?

  Scroll past, no, I want, no, you can't trust that. You gotta go to the source. You can't trust the Google AI results. Nobody knows that. Those same, those same Google AI results are the ones that told me that Tim Curry was definitely in the day that world broke, just because I had done a video about it.

• 5:51Travis McElroy?

  Reddit, Reddit's the way to go.

• 5:53Travis McElroy?

  Reddit's where all that truth is. How do you pee and poop?

• 5:57Griffin McElroy?

  This hasn't happened, but I mean, the question is now being raised. All the results are about this high rocks event. People are now talking about, I think, can you shit while you're doing sports? And I think that's so wrong headed and closed minded.

• 6:09Travis McElroy?

  I think people are really talking about high rocks for the first time. And I feel like if you were somebody in the high rocks higher ups, maybe you were wishing this wasn't how you rose to prominence. You know, maybe that if you banned shitting, you may have just, you may have just removed yourself from like the number one thing that people know about high rocks broadly speaking.

• 6:31Griffin McElroy?

  Like just that it's so intent, it's so intense, it makes you shit your pants. Wouldn't you want that to be part of the like high rocks, the sport that makes you shit?

• 6:39Travis McElroy?

  It's like, it should be like fighting in hockey or it's like, you definitely shouldn't, but like.

• 6:44Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 6:45Travis McElroy?

  We'll give you a minute.

• 6:46Travis McElroy?

  It can really change the momentum.

• 6:49Griffin McElroy?

  It can change the momentum of a race, a shit, a pants shit. There's nothing formal about it in the rules, but now there is.

• 6:55Travis McElroy?

  And the crowd's on its feet. You know what I mean? Now the crowd's on its feet. I don't know if there's a crowd.

• 7:00Travis McElroy?

  And, and it's, it will literally change the momentum of the race because people will slip in it like Elmer Fudd on butter.

• 7:08Travis McElroy?

  You're going to need definitive lanes. Yeah, right? Maybe barriers between them. It's going to be a new thing that you're going to have to come up with.

• 7:16Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. I mean, how to do it during COVID? Put big plastic walls up between all the different tracks. Get the ropes further away from each other, the big, huge ropes, I think they probably use.

• 7:27Travis McElroy?

  I bet the sport that pooping your pants would have the least impact on gameplay is probably golf. That's what springs to mind. I'm trying to think of a sport that it would matter less.

• 7:36Travis McElroy?

  Most golfers are probably pooping or are.

• 7:39Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I mean, they don't have tournaments out on the, on the course, so.

• 7:42Travis McElroy?

  And I will also, gentlemen, I will caution you.

• 7:46Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 7:46Travis McElroy?

  We just had to delete eight minutes of great stuff about Mitch McConnell because we all agreed that it felt too mean. So let's not stumble into ageism again, okay? I'm serious, guys.

• 7:58Griffin McElroy?

  The bulk of my Mitch McConnell jokes were not about ageism, but about the darkness in his heart. That's all that I am saying. And all I said, Justin, was that someone should run up and tug on his scalp gently and not hurt him. And that's all I said and you got so worked up.

• 8:13Travis McElroy?

  We literally, we literally, Travis had to delay his stream today because we had to stop because we did eight minutes of stuff that was too mean.

• 8:21Travis McElroy?

  I was talking about which sport pooping your pants would have the least impact on gameplay of, and you guys said it in this direction. You could have been comparing like what happens in badminton versus like a skeleton crew. And you guys were like, hey, let's talk about the nine minutes we erased for time.

• 8:40Griffin McElroy?

  Let me frame it this way, let me frame it this.

• 8:41Travis McElroy?

  Here's a reframe, here's a reframe.

• 8:42Griffin McElroy?

  Here's a reframe. If I was on Mitch's street team, I would want someone to tug gently on his scalp. If I was on Mitch's street team, I would want someone to tug gently on his scalp.

• 8:52Travis McElroy?

  A reframe doesn't bring us back to the topic that we're trying to avoid.

• 8:57Travis McElroy?

  It's definitely not downhill skiing. Downhill skiing would be a huge issue.

• 9:02Griffin McElroy?

  Would be a big problem.

• 9:03Travis McElroy?

  Inline skating, skateboarding, huge issue.

• 9:05Griffin McElroy?

  Racing truly, there's a tough, I don't know how one finds a race that you can unload and do, it really should be an individual sport.

• 9:14Travis McElroy?

  They're moving so fast.

• 9:15Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 9:16Travis McElroy?

  But I, that's also like 40 yards.

• 9:19Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Maybe, see, the whole thing is if I was high rocks and my sport made you, made people, and I Googled like, is this a thing? And then the results were pretty unanimously like, yeah, some really extreme athletic events do make you shit your pants. I think if you're high rocks, you gotta take a look at that and be like, we gotta dial it the fuck back.

• 9:37Travis McElroy?

  It's too hard.

• 9:38Griffin McElroy?

  It's too hard, man.

• 9:39Travis McElroy?

  You just add a special category now. So now, right? Now it's high rocks, high rocks, like post laxative, high rocks, post big meal. You know what I mean?

• 9:48Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, high rocks dirty.

• 9:49Travis McElroy?

  High rocks dirty, right?

• 9:51Travis McElroy?

  You can add an asterisk, which conveniently looks exactly like a butthole.

• 9:54Travis McElroy?

  There we go, an asterisk.

• 9:57Griffin McElroy?

  I got a PB on that, on the high rocks course and that stands for poopy butt. I set a new PP.

• 10:06Travis McElroy?

  How would she, I, she has continued to draw criticism for not issuing an apology. Women, hey, hey, women, you don't need to apologize anymore. Take it from me, a man.

• 10:19Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you.

• 10:21Travis McElroy?

  You're welcome, but for serious, you shit your pants. You don't own any apologies. I've never apologized to anybody for shitting my pants as an adult, and I will continue to keep that streak alive. Is the worst for me. Always. It's always the worst for the shitter.

• 10:39Travis McElroy?

  If anything, the commissioner of high rocks, I assume exists owes you an apology for making their sport so hard that you shit yourself publicly.

• 10:49Griffin McElroy?

  Can I have a refund on this? Cause this never happened in, in bottle, in, in, in bottle smash. This never happened in badminton.

• 10:58Travis McElroy?

  Definitely in boxing, though. Definitely someone has been punched so hard.

• 11:02Griffin McElroy?

  Dude, you've got definitely some place in your like, in your foulness or whatever, that if you get punched in just right, blast off. I think we should get the high rocks execs to do a high rocks. And if we get a clean bill of, of pants at the end of it from all of them, then this rule can stand. Otherwise, do you want me to push my body to the fucking breaking point or not? I retire.

• 11:24Travis McElroy?

  Whoa.

• 11:25Griffin McElroy?

  Wow. Post forthwith.

• 11:27Travis McElroy?

  Wow, Griff, I'm gonna miss you.

• 11:29Griffin McElroy?

  Get no more ropes from me. Not until this, not until this policy is reversed.

• 11:35Travis McElroy?

  This is, uh, this is an advice show.

• 11:37Griffin McElroy?

  Do you think they had to also put in a rule that you can't piss your pants to like, do you think while they were like, well, let's get these all out?

• 11:43Travis McElroy?

  If everybody's so precious over there, you know what I mean? Like they never see you poop.

• 11:47Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. What if I jizz while I'm high roxxing involuntarily? Sometimes that happens when I push my body to the fucking athletic breaking point is I blast off.

• 11:56Travis McElroy?

  What's next? No crying in baseball?

• 11:59Griffin McElroy?

  What are you gonna do? Keep updating the rules every time anyone has a pants accident?

• 12:06Travis McElroy?

  No crying in baseball is good, Travis. Exact, exact equal. It's an exact equal problem.

• 12:13Griffin McElroy?

  That would be great. There's no rule in high rocks that you can't shit your pants, but if you do, Tom Hanks is gonna run up to you. And say, there's no shitting in high rocks.

• 12:25Travis McElroy?

  And then the referees from Air Bud come out and they check the book and they're like, absolutely nowhere in the rulebook you can't shit yourself.

• 12:32Griffin McElroy?

  I do wanna give my flowers to the athlete who did this because she has been, uh, so unflappable in the face of this because she knows she's not wrong. The sport made her shit her pants. She didn't do this voluntarily. She's not in trouble.

• 12:49Travis McElroy?

  If she had had a regular Tuesday at Barnes and Noble, there's no way she would have just dropped ass right there.

• 12:54Griffin McElroy?

  Like, stop talking about this. She's like, I won high rocks and I shit my pants in the process. I'm a fucking hero.

• 13:01Travis McElroy?

  And there is a way to look at it.

• 13:03Travis McElroy?

  What if you farted so, so stinky, everybody hated it?

• 13:07Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, good point, Justin.

• 13:09Travis McElroy?

  Is it rule, is it a rule now that I can't fart so bad that it makes Mark Fisher have to leave his own bedroom? And throw up now? Is that like, is that how bad it, the rules?

• 13:20Griffin McElroy?

  This is an excellent point, Justin, because if you're leading the race and you drop a fart so stinky and so bad that everyone behind you slows down to get away from it? Is that cheating now?

• 13:28Travis McElroy?

  Is that cheating? And they have to stop. It's so bad. They have to stop and be like, boo.

• 13:34Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 13:35Travis McElroy?

  Like that's how like.

• 13:36Griffin McElroy?

  These other athletes who looked at the poop on the ground and were like, I'm done. They just wanted to stop doing high rocks because of how exhausting and shitty it is.

• 13:45Travis McElroy?

  I thought we were pushing limits.

• 13:47Griffin McElroy?

  I thought, oh, I'm so sorry. I thought we were pushing. I don't know why you guys aren't shitting on the ground.

• 13:52Travis McElroy?

  I can break a sweat, but I can't break a wind. No thanks.

• 13:55Griffin McElroy?

  Grow up. Sounds like, sounds like somebody's jealous.

• 13:59Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, grow up. Oh, and if you guys, by the way, if you guys make these rules in podcasting, somebody's gonna have to give back their I heart media words. Just saying. If you can't shit during an ad.

• 14:10Travis McElroy?

  No sit.

• 14:12Travis McElroy?

  Build in a bathroom break, high rocks.

• 14:14Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, you got eight fucking athletic events in there. Swap one out for a toilet time.

• 14:19Travis McElroy?

  A pit stop. Come on.

• 14:21Travis McElroy?

  Pit stop.

• 14:22Travis McElroy?

  You know they're doing it in NASCAR. I've never checked, but I don't know how long a pit stop is.

• 14:28Griffin McElroy?

  Not long enough for me.

• 14:30Travis McElroy?

  Uh, this is an advice show. All right. I have a Buffalo Wild Wings gift card with 88 cents remaining on it. I hold a strong personal grudge against BW.

• 14:43Travis McElroy?

  Okay, they're now saying BWW, which is.

• 14:45Travis McElroy?

  B dubs.

• 14:46Travis McElroy?

  B dubs, that's fine. And refuse to go there again. However, I do not want to throw the gift card away. That would be 88 cents in B dub's pocket. I was considering going to my local BW3. I know exactly how old you are now, my friend. You've just referred to it as BW3. Whoop, whoop, whoop. Call the police. I'm giving it to somebody walking in, but this could be time consuming and awkward, brothers. How do I not waste this gift card while also not encouraging people to go to Buffalo Wild Wings? That's from Salty in Sioux Falls. Who manages to call the restaurant Buffalo Wild Wings? Not an exaggeration. Four different fucking things. You have, you have to have some consistency.

• 15:25Travis McElroy?

  I'll take this worry off your plate. I don't think an 88 cent gift card is convincing anyone to go to Buffalo Wild Wings. That would not change my plans for the day at all.

• 15:36Griffin McElroy?

  That wouldn't get me a wing. It would be, it would not get me a cup of sauce.

• 15:39Travis McElroy?

  Would it get you any whack? How much is whack?

• 15:42Griffin McElroy?

  I don't even, whack is the most expensive they have.

• 15:44Travis McElroy?

  Oh, really?

• 15:45Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 15:45Travis McElroy?

  Are you suggesting you stand outside and just wait for people to buy, pass you by? Because if someone gave me a gift card and they said, hey, there's 88 cents on this, so go ahead and spend it. Um, I don't think I would take it in and give it a whirl. I don't think that 88 cent risk would be worth it for me.

• 16:03Griffin McElroy?

  To expand this, make it a little bit more, uh, relatable. The thing this makes me think of is arcades. Whenever I leave an arcade, especially if I'm out of town, or if I'm at like a great wolf lodge. And I know I'm gonna lose this card, but next, before next time I come, but it's got some tickets. It's got some tokens on it. I wanna hand it off to someone. I always have that thought. A hundred percent of the time I have the thought, I should give this to someone to brighten their day and give them a little bit. But I never really know how to do that and not feel, not feel weird about it. Because I, I giving it to an adult feels weird. Giving it to a kid feels weird. Leaving it, there should be like a take a penny, give a penny thing at, at arcades for these cards. There's gotta be a good way to altruistically handle this.

• 16:48Travis McElroy?

  I always look for what appears to be a lone parent with too many kids with them. Like, oh, these are their kids' friends that, that, like this one parent has been roped into bringing all these kids. And it's like, hey, instead of you having to spend like $300 to get credits to get $20 worth of crap. I've already done that. Here you go. This one's for you.

• 17:10Griffin McElroy?

  Well, I'm not saying give them all my tickets. I worked hard for those.

• 17:14Travis McElroy?

  Well, no, I'm getting the alto saxophone, but then after that.

• 17:18Griffin McElroy?

  Sure, sure. All the, the, the hanging chat, you could pass that off.

• 17:21Travis McElroy?

  I'm, I'm sorry, guys. This, this question asker, they're setting off alarm bells left and right over here. I'm really, I'm, I'm, there's a story here. This person had a gift card to Buffalo Wild Wings.

• 17:33Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 17:33Travis McElroy?

  They went to Buffalo Wild Wings. They spent enough of the gift card there that they had 88 cents remaining. They had an 88 cent gift card and thought, well, I'll definitely be back here to spend this amount. And they put it in their wallet. What happened? What happened? The fact that you would be like, I know four different ways to refer to this place and I'm so mad at it that I don't want anybody to ever go there again. But I'm not gonna tell you what happened. That to me, as a study of human nature, makes me nervous. Cause what happened? What did you do there? Why can't you go there anymore?

• 18:13Griffin McElroy?

  I mean, is it possible that they got robbed at interactive trivia?

• 18:18Travis McElroy?

  Oh, yeah, definitely.

• 18:19Griffin McElroy?

  Then they.

• 18:20Travis McElroy?

  Clint McRoy was there.

• 18:22Travis McElroy?

  I saw, I actually saw a TikTok about the, the, uh, the bad trivia at B dubs now. They're using AI trivia that's just like wrong. And they're giving a lot of wrong answers. So maybe that's, maybe that's what this is. If that's what it is. You fit in really well here, my brother, my brother, me. You should include context like that.

• 18:41Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I don't like it.

• 18:42Travis McElroy?

  If it was something else. Like you flipped over some tables because you were pretending to be Jesus with the money changers?

• 18:48Travis McElroy?

  Yep.

• 18:48Travis McElroy?

  And they told you to not come there anymore? Cause they're not allowed to do that?

• 18:52Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 18:52Travis McElroy?

  Do you believe that BW3's is a temple? That should be reserved?

• 18:59Travis McElroy?

  And they said, don't come back.

• 19:01Travis McElroy?

  This is a house of the Lord.

• 19:02Travis McElroy?

  It's a house of a Lord and I said flats only. And then you flipped the table.

• 19:06Travis McElroy?

  Who wants flats only?

• 19:09Travis McElroy?

  Mm hmm. Sidney does.

• 19:12Griffin McElroy?

  What are flats?

• 19:13Travis McElroy?

  Flats versus drums.

• 19:15Travis McElroy?

  Flats and drums.

• 19:16Griffin McElroy?

  I didn't realize flats is what we were calling those. I thought they had a body part name already and I don't even know.

• 19:21Travis McElroy?

  You can pay, you can pay a buck extra to get all flats or all drums.

• 19:25Griffin McElroy?

  Hmm. Yeah.

• 19:26Travis McElroy?

  Hmm. That's just for the time and effort, I guess.

• 19:29Travis McElroy?

  I guess it's for the.

• 19:30Travis McElroy?

  They have to go to the sorter.

• 19:32Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. I can't tell these two apart. You gotta get Greg.

• 19:36Travis McElroy?

  Hey Greg, which are these?

• 19:38Griffin McElroy?

  Fire up the centrifuge. We must separate them.

• 19:42Travis McElroy?

  Another job taken by, another job taken by AI. This robot's sorting our drums and flats.

• 19:50Griffin McElroy?

  I don't like using gift cards at restaurants because I always have to, I feel like my brain has to rack itself to remember if it's okay to tip with a gift card. Cause it seems like the answer is no, cause what are you doing saying like, and a little something for your trouble? Eleven dollars at BW3?

• 20:05Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 20:06Griffin McElroy?

  Or does that get turned into money at a certain point?

• 20:09Travis McElroy?

  Yes.

• 20:10Griffin McElroy?

  It does like get turned into.

• 20:11Travis McElroy?

  Yes.

• 20:13Griffin McElroy?

  How? Is there a machine in the back room that they swipe the card?

• 20:15Travis McElroy?

  To, if I go to BW3's and I hand him two $20 bills and I get a $40 gift card. At that point BW3's has become a bank and they've given me a credit card, a debit card.

• 20:26Griffin McElroy?

  A debit card.

• 20:27Travis McElroy?

  For $40 and they're holding on to my $40, which I can then withdraw from BW3's to pay for uh, food and tip.

• 20:37Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. I think my assumption would just be that BW3's corporate would not be so concerned about making sure the servers get their, their, their beaks wet. Um, with the gift card money and that they're, they are being ripped off.

• 20:48Travis McElroy?

  Justin, are you Googling if my understanding of gift cards is correct?

• 20:53Griffin McElroy?

  Can you tip with gift cards?

• 20:54Travis McElroy?

  No. I'm just curious what the, what the broad, you know, what the broad strokes are on it. Just checking it out.

• 21:02Griffin McElroy?

  You know, Justin, I want you to know that since.

• 21:04Travis McElroy?

  I'm just kicking the tires on it.

• 21:05Griffin McElroy?

  Since the pivot to video Travis and I can always tell a hundred percent of the time when you're Googling something, it's not just the keyboard stroke action. It's the way your eyes go left to right.

• 21:14Travis McElroy?

  Hey guys, fucking forgive me for being tired of getting yelled at every Monday because I said something stupid. Like forgive me for wanting to give a cursory search to make sure we're not sounding like the biggest assholes on the planet. All right?

• 21:28Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 21:28Travis McElroy?

  Forgive me. I like to have some reference.

• 21:30Griffin McElroy?

  If we'd done this on the eggs thing, we would have really, I don't think our brand has recovered from the eggs thing.

• 21:35Travis McElroy?

  Saved our bacon. Travis, we're not, Griffin, for the last time, we're not talking about Mr. McConnell again. Do not bring up eggs. Don't bring up anything in the area, please. That, that footage is lost.

• 21:46Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, that's a fair point. Just a gentle tug. Put it to bed.

• 21:50Travis McElroy?

  Griffin, god damn it.

• 21:52Griffin McElroy?

  Next question, a gentle tug. Next question. Put it to bed. It's done. I'm tired of hearing about it, man. You guys don't realize living in DC, no, okay, stop, listen. You guys don't realize living in DC, obviously there's so much fucking horrible stuff happening in the world. It's exhausting. The Kennedy Center stuff is like, just put it to bed. One way or to other, just a gentle tug. Put it to bed. Stop. It's been a fucking year. What are you doing? Anyway, put it to bed. I'm so fucking tired.

• 22:19Travis McElroy?

  I work and live at a small private boarding school where all the teachers know each other fairly well. This afternoon, I was retrieving packages from the front of the school when I noticed a box for a new several hundred dollar pizza oven. The Uni Vault 2. Mmm. Addressed to one, thank you for this kind of context, by the way, my friend.

• 22:40Griffin McElroy?

  This thing is fucking cool. This looks like the microwave from the future part of Carousel of Progress.

• 22:45Travis McElroy?

  All right. I will just say it's kind of fucked up that you would like get on my case and then Google the exact thing I want to Google and look at while I'm reading.

• 22:52Travis McElroy?

  How do you know, how do you know Griffin doesn't just know what the Uni Vault 2 looks like?

• 22:57Travis McElroy?

  Addressed to one of my coworkers. I thought about texting him my compliments, but I didn't want to come off as a creep who goes through people's mail. Nor did I want it to come off like I'm trying to get him to offer me free pizza. Honestly, they feed us quite well at the school. I just love a good kitchen gadget. And I would love to shoot the breeze at this guy about his cool new pizza oven. Brothers, how do I initiate a conversation with my coworker about his new pizza oven without coming off like a total weirdo? That's from connecting over slices in Connecticut.

• 23:28Griffin McElroy?

  Now, the, we need to. This is rich. Is this one of them schools where the teachers live at the school? Because if not, there's a story as to why this.

• 23:38Travis McElroy?

  In the first sentence, I work and live at a small private boarding school.

• 23:43Griffin McElroy?

  So that puts to bed my thing about like, this is an embezzlement situation. It could still be an embezzlement.

• 23:48Travis McElroy?

  It could still, listen, anything can be an embezzlement situation if you try hard enough.

• 23:52Griffin McElroy?

  Keep your head on swivel.

• 23:53Travis McElroy?

  My thing is I don't think, if they're anything like me, this coworker. And they've bought, I don't know, I assume a high end, I don't know, a nice pizza oven.

• 24:03Griffin McElroy?

  This is a $700 pizza oven.

• 24:05Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. They want it. Talk about it.

• 24:07Griffin McElroy?

  Seven hundred dollars and it's little.

• 24:10Travis McElroy?

  Unitas? I mean, does it do other shit?

• 24:14Griffin McElroy?

  I mean, I, I assume you can put other, if you want to put some nuggies in there.

• 24:17Travis McElroy?

  Breakfast pizza.

• 24:18Griffin McElroy?

  Job, it would get the job done.

• 24:20Travis McElroy?

  But they want to talk about it, right? Like if I got a pizza oven. And then I was like, I just want to make pizza every day. My family would be like, I think we could just have my pizza once a week. Maybe at most. And I'm like, then why did I buy this pizza oven? And knowing that there was somebody who lived, I guess in the same building or at least like side by side with me or whatever. Who was like, I want to engage in pizza time with you. I'd be so excited.

• 24:47Griffin McElroy?

  Guys, I gotta, I gotta, I didn't know that I was going to have a new stance at a certain point in this episode. But I'm going to formally lodge a protest with the Uni Vault 2.

• 24:58Travis McElroy?

  Whoa.

• 24:58Griffin McElroy?

  This is a small electric pizza oven that you can buy online for $700. And the maximum temperature of this fucking thing is 850 degrees Fahrenheit.

• 25:07Travis McElroy?

  It's a forge.

• 25:08Griffin McElroy?

  We should not be allowed to own a little toaster, a little air fryer that can get up to that temperature. We shouldn't allow people to have those, civilians to have those in their home.

• 25:20Travis McElroy?

  A pizza oven that can also cremate squirrels.

• 25:23Griffin McElroy?

  If, that's a big, that's a huge jump in temp.

• 25:27Travis McElroy?

  I, I don't want a pizza oven so hot that if I leave it in for an extra minute, I forget the idea of pizza. It like burns the concept out of my memory. So scorched is my pie.

• 25:37Travis McElroy?

  You turn it on and every light in the school dims.

• 25:41Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, that's a, yeah, how much power is this thing drawing to get up to fucking outer core of the sun temps like that?

• 25:47Travis McElroy?

  Just do it in an easy bake oven with a single light bulb. It'll take eight hours to cook your pizza and you'll be happy about it.

• 25:54Travis McElroy?

  If you look at America's test kitchen and that the Uni Vault is the best, the Vault 2 is the best. Uh, indoor pizza oven. The three best outdoor pizza ovens, according to ATK, all produced by Uni. I think that's the trivia I'd go in with because then you're showing yourself to be a connoisseur. You're someone who's interested in the field of pizza gadgetry. You just say like, hi, if you're, you know. You know, if you're a fellow ATK reader like myself, you might be interested to know that that brand I saw is very popular in the pizza world. So you have great taste and I'd love a great taste of your pizza. The first time you bust that guy open.

• 26:34Griffin McElroy?

  If I buy myself a little pizza oven that gets up to that temperature and is America's test kitchens like whole shit. And someone talks to me about it, I am going to be waiting for the other shoe to drop the entire time. Throws, throw, throw a ball on for me. Sauce it up good. Like, hey, that's a cool, I noticed that you had that thing. Uh, pizza is really great. Throw a ball on for me and sauce it up. Like.

• 26:55Travis McElroy?

  You wouldn't be excited to do that for somebody?

• 26:58Griffin McElroy?

  Uh, maybe the first time, but you're, it's no one, it's never the first time someone's asking you about your Uni Vault 2 pizza oven.

• 27:05Travis McElroy?

  That's why it's called the two. Cause the second time they want pizza.

• 27:08Griffin McElroy?

  Second time you're fucking fed up with it.

• 27:10Travis McElroy?

  My worry would be if you go in with Justin's approach. That you're going to come across like another, uh, indoor pizza oven connoisseur, but you don't own one. They're going to start being like, when are you going to get in on this? Right? Like if you don't have a 3D printer and you find out your friend has a 3D printer and you go in knowing about 3D printers and you're excitedly talking about 3D printers. The assumption is you are on the pathway to owning your own 3D printer. And they are going to check in for updates. Like, did you get one yet?

• 27:44Travis McElroy?

  Let me know what you think. That's true. It can't be like a hanging thread. Like, hey, let me know how that Uni Vault 2 retailing at $700 works out for you. Because I've been thinking about picking one up.

• 27:56Griffin McElroy?

  I have $700.

• 27:57Travis McElroy?

  I have $700, much like yourself. But I just haven't, uh, taken the plunge yet.

• 28:02Travis McElroy?

  And my apartment is so cold.

• 28:05Griffin McElroy?

  So, so cold.

• 28:06Travis McElroy?

  I figure I can kill two birds with one stone.

• 28:09Travis McElroy?

  ATK says it has straightforward controls, which thank fuck for that, as it can get to 850 degrees. I'm glad the like stay inside oven button is very clearly labeled. It can be easily weaponized.

• 28:22Travis McElroy?

  When it hits that.

• 28:23Travis McElroy?

  The only thing it does is burn pizza. Like how, how many controls do you need?

• 28:27Travis McElroy?

  It's honestly, Justin, there's two buttons, off and 850 degrees.

• 28:32Travis McElroy?

  Right. They want you to remember that you're.

• 28:35Griffin McElroy?

  There's not a valve you have to open to vent the pizza exhaust.

• 28:41Griffin McElroy?

  Can you try, can you buy pizza making materials and then like in the company like break room or whatever, try to make one in the microwave and just be like, god damn it. And then try to eat the mess that you made.

• 28:53Travis McElroy?

  There's gotta be a better way.

• 28:55Griffin McElroy?

  If only this thing got it. What's this thing even get up to? Fucking 400? That's nothing.

• 29:00Travis McElroy?

  Do you think that you have a responsibility to go to the leadership of the school and just be like, hey, I don't want, maybe it's fine, but I just want to let you know that Stephen has an oven that'll get to 850 degrees and I'm not going to sleep great at night and maybe you will, but like, I don't know, I don't love it.

• 29:15Travis McElroy?

  We won't let the students have like lit candles in the room, but we'll let Stephen have the service of the sun cooking his pizzas.

• 29:23Travis McElroy?

  We'll, we'll let Stephen melt down gold into its composite parts. Stephen's, Stephen's students in there melting down catalytic converters. These kids can't have incense.

• 29:36Griffin McElroy?

  Stephen's become Prometheus and stolen the fire of the gods. He has a box that makes things hotter than fire and he needs to be punished.

• 29:45Travis McElroy?

  And I think his punishment should be making pizza for everyone.

• 29:49Travis McElroy?

  This is, well, this is, this conversation that, that I, this idea that you don't want to make it seem as though you're looking for something by having this conversation. This is a breakdown that Sydney and I have been stuck on a lot recently where I have realized and I am firmly in the camp that if someone communicates something to me, they want me to do something about it. Something like, there's no conversation that is a simple conversation. All conversations are, Justin, you need to fix something about this, right? You can't just say, hey, I love pizza because I would definitely take this person's interest

• 30:29Travis McElroy?

  as fishing for an invitation. 100%. I would definitely read into it that they want some of my pizza or they want the oven. Maybe I should give them.

• 30:39Griffin McElroy?

  They want your oven, dude, for sure. Your precious oven.

• 30:42Travis McElroy?

  They want to take it?

• 30:43Griffin McElroy?

  It's a lonely life. It's a lonely life owning a pizza, a fancy pizza.

• 30:47Travis McElroy?

  Of that size, of that size it is. Cause you are saying, I want the most delicious pizza and that's a capital I in that sentence, brother. Suck on it anyway.

• 30:56Travis McElroy?

  And you chose indoor, right? So it's like away from the eyes of the public. I don't want anyone to know. Like I could have an outdoor pizza oven and that's a clear invitation. Come up and talk to me while I'm making pizza outside.

• 31:08Travis McElroy?

  By the way, Stephen, you live in a dorm. You may be able to encase that stink while the oven's closed, but the moment you opened that oven, mama mia, we're all going to Napoli. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? How are you gonna sell that in a dorm?

• 31:25Travis McElroy?

  My neighbor Stephen got an indoor pizza oven and several quilts and a big box fan.

• 31:31Travis McElroy?

  When you go to Epcot, China smells like Italy because of the pizza restaurant. Like, you can't.

• 31:37Travis McElroy?

  They put the stinkiest leaves on there. Yeah, man. They found the stinkiest leaves on the planet and they were like, we're putting this in everything. They're good too. They're good stinky.

• 31:47Griffin McElroy?

  Ratatouille's doing his best, but no crepe can cover the smell of this stinky leaf.

• 31:51Travis McElroy?

  No, that's why I've invited, invented crepe pizza.

• 31:56Travis McElroy?

  No?

• 31:56Travis McElroy?

  Let's take a break.

• 31:57Griffin McElroy?

  There's probably something there. Yeah. It'd be messy. Very messy, but it sounds good.

• 32:01Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, it's good.

• 32:11Travis McElroy?

  If you've ever had a big dream.

• 32:13Travis McElroy?

  Like crepe pizza.

• 32:14Travis McElroy?

  A lot of people probably like big crepe pizzas, oversized to feed a whole family. Trav's bigcrepepizzas.com. I haven't registered a URL in a while and I think I'm going to keep my streak alive, but if you've got an idea like Trav's crepepizzas.com, maybe you don't know where to start. Can I suggest a website built with Squarespace? They have some of the best tools, the best designers, the best templates. So you can take your content, your photos, your ideas, your words, your pictures of crepes, your pictures of regular pizza, your plus signs, your equal signs, your dollar signs, whatever you want to put.

• 32:52Griffin McElroy?

  That's a cool website.

• 32:53Travis McElroy?

  Thank you.

• 32:55Travis McElroy?

  It's for investors.

• 32:57Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 32:58Travis McElroy?

  It's an investment deck. It's very early.

• 33:00Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 33:02Travis McElroy?

  It's very early, but you can probably.

• 33:04Travis McElroy?

  Words don't do this idea justice. I could explain to you how bigcrepepizza.com works or you can go there yourself and just look at the pictures and it's in 4D. So you can smell the crepe of pizza coming out of the vents of your computer.

• 33:22Griffin McElroy?

  We don't use words because crepe pizza is so bad to say, actually. The P, the hard sort of plosive there running together is not awesome.

• 33:30Travis McElroy?

  It's not great.

• 33:32Griffin McElroy?

  What's wrong, Jude? You got a yucky sip of water?

• 33:36Griffin McElroy?

  Dude, you can't make a fucking, you can't take a drink of something and then go ew, ew, ew, ew with your face.

• 33:41Travis McElroy?

  It's not for your benefit. It's not Jermaine. I did not wish to be preceded that moment.

• 33:46Griffin McElroy?

  This is all goddamn Jermaine. You can't decide that. I can't believe we're still having this conversation.

• 33:50Travis McElroy?

  It's an honest reaction. My orange pineapple drink mix that I added before I came down.

• 33:56Griffin McElroy?

  Into your metal water bottle?

• 33:58Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, Griffin, I added drink mix. I mixed it all up and I had a little flavor for my day. I just got a really spicy one. I got a spicy drink of it. It was like, oh, kind of had a flavor. I don't, it wasn't for them or for you, to be honest. Listen, if you want to get started on your website, do it today. Head to Squarespace.com slash mybrother for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code MYBROTHER altogether to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

• 34:30Griffin McElroy?

  You know who was living right? Doug Funny. Because he had his ensemble locked. He knew what he had going. Monday to Sunday, he could turn a dance floor into a runway and he could do it with his khaki shorts. He could do it with his green vest. It was his staple wardrobe, his wear, his kit. And you can live that life too, with the help of Quince.

• 34:56Travis McElroy?

  Do you guys remember that one episode of Doug where there was a popular TV show and a character on it wore exactly what Doug wore? So then everybody started wearing exactly what Doug wore and they were like, oh, and they thought Doug was a joiner and he was trying to point out like, I've always worn this. And they're like, I don't know what you're talking about. But then it also went out of style and he kept wearing it. Sounds like a, feels like a fever dream if that happened to me in real life.

• 35:21Griffin McElroy?

  Quince specializes, you're right Travis, that was a kick ass episode of Doug.

• 35:26Travis McElroy?

  Thank you. It's right up there with Off Court Buddies. That was another great Doug Funny episode.

• 35:31Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Yeah, I agree. I like the one where he got in a fistfight with Roger.

• 35:37Travis McElroy?

  A weird haircut one too was great where he wanted a fancy haircut, but then Roger took his appointment and it looked really weird.

• 35:44Griffin McElroy?

  What about the one where he, his body did start changing and the whole episode was more or less about nocturnal emissions. Quince is what I use to get myself staple wardrobe items that are comfortable and easy to wear and made of premium materials, like 100% Mongolian cashmere, organic cotton and merino wool. I've got some nice short sleeve button ups that they, they fit so well and they're so affordably priced. Everything at Quince is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. They work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middlemen. So you're paying for high quality, not brand markup. If you're in the market for clothes that you can just sort of toss on no matter what, when, where,

• 36:28Griffin McElroy?

  how, what time of year it is, season, what mood you're in, temperature, Quince has got your back. Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com slash mybrother. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. That's Q U I N C E dot com slash mybrother. You guys left me to twist after I said the thing about Doug Funny's nocturnal emissions.

• 36:55Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I realized at that point that we had already lost this sponsor and I was trying to recover my own career because they ever do a solo.

• 37:01Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I was separating from you. So they still sponsored me and Justin.

• 37:04Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 37:05Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, cool. We haven't tried that before, but so I wouldn't get them Quince money?

• 37:09Travis McElroy?

  It's much the same way that you jettison the parts of the spaceship that you don't need anymore. A real, once you're up, really, by the way, crazy part of that whole space thing. I can't believe it works like that. It's a wild, we, I don't think.

• 37:20Griffin McElroy?

  That's a lot of spaceship we're losing.

• 37:21Travis McElroy?

  It's really wild that you just drop half of the ship off when you don't need it anymore.

• 37:24Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 37:26Speaker 05

  Hi, I'm Andrew Reich and I host Ed Pilot Society and I am here with Max Fun Member of the Month Jacob Eads. Thank you so much for being a listener of our show and congratulations on being this month's Member of the Month.

• 37:39Speaker 06

  Pleasure to meet you.

• 37:40Speaker 05

  What made you take the leap to become an actual member of Maximum Fun?

• 37:45Speaker 06

  I'm spending all this time listening and enjoying them for content because it's not like just supporting one podcast either. It's supporting a whole network of people. So I feel like the dollar really goes a long way.

• 37:58Speaker 05

  Can't tell you how much we appreciate it. And as our Member of the Month, you will be getting a $25 gift card to the Maximum Fun store, a special Member of the Month bumper sticker. You can take that car with that bumper sticker and drive it to the parking spot at Max Fun headquarters in Los Angeles, which will be there just for you.

• 38:20Speaker 06

  I might have to get one of my friends to bring like a cardboard cutout of me who lives in Los Angeles and just to show that I was there.

• 38:28Speaker 07

  Support the shows you love, including this one. Check the show notes for a link or go to maximumfun.org/join. Hey, Max Fun listeners. It's me, Jackie Kation. I have a podcast with Lori Kilmarten. Say hi Lori.

• 38:41Speaker 01

  Hi Jacqueline. Hi Max Fun listeners. But I'm very formal.

• 38:46Speaker 07

  We have a podcast and it's about standup comedy and how much we love it and how much

• 38:50Griffin McElroy?

  Dislike some of it. So listen to that podcast. It's called the Jackie and Laurie Show.

• 38:55Speaker 01

  We drop new episodes every Wednesday that gives us plenty of time to decompress from our comedy weekends and discuss things with sane, level heads. No, it doesn't. If you are a woman our age or a man our age, or you know what, any person of any age, I think you'll enjoy Jackie and Laurie Show on MaximumFun.org. Bye.

• 39:21Travis McElroy?

  This ain't a scene, it's a goddamn new game. Hey, everybody, welcome to a new game that I've created.

• 39:30Travis McElroy?

  I really like that as an intro to sort of variety.

• 39:33Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, new, new bit. This game is called-

• 39:36Travis McElroy?

  Pilot season. This is like pilot, right? It's fall. We're trying it. Trying something.

• 39:41Travis McElroy?

  Twenty-one pilot season will be my next game. This game is called Fallout Boy? No way, girl. And in this game, I'm going to give you a lyric and you're going to tell me if it was Fallout Boy or one I made up. And there's one twist in there, which is a lyric from a different band that has no relation to Fallout Boy whatsoever.

• 40:03Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 40:04Griffin McElroy?

  Can I give some, some criticism of the bit before it even, before the lapses?

• 40:08Travis McElroy?

  What, what a chilling time to do that.

• 40:10Travis McElroy?

  It wouldn't be a Travis bit without Griffin's feedback before it even started. Go on, Griffin.

• 40:16Griffin McElroy?

  Sounds great.

• 40:16Travis McElroy?

  Thank you.

• 40:17Griffin McElroy?

  I'm excited. Yeah, let's go. I love Fallout Boy.

• 40:20Travis McElroy?

  I slept in last night's clothes and tomorrow's dreams.

• 40:24Griffin McElroy?

  This was Travis. Fallout Boy didn't say that. Fallout Boy would never say-

• 40:28Travis McElroy?

  I'm gonna say Travis. Wait, can we discuss it? Because otherwise it doesn't feel like a comedy show.

• 40:32Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, true.

• 40:33Travis McElroy?

  Trav, can you say it again, but try to sell it?

• 40:36Travis McElroy?

  I slept in last night's clothes and tomorrow's dreams. Now try to sell it.

• 40:41Griffin McElroy?

  Can't go on an album. We can't have that be on Spotify and have people listen to it and have the youth shaped by that line. They can't sing that.

• 40:48Travis McElroy?

  Yes, I think, I don't want this to be a competition because I feel like with a binary like this, it, it feels bad. So I think Griffin and I should have to agree.

• 40:57Griffin McElroy?

  I agree that this was a Travis thing. No one can sing-

• 41:00Travis McElroy?

  Incorrect. That is from Uma Thurman by Fallout Boy. I slept-

• 41:04Travis McElroy?

  Is it by Uma Thurman?

• 41:07Travis McElroy?

  What?

• 41:08Griffin McElroy?

  Is it by Uma Thurman or is it by Fallout Boy?

• 41:10Travis McElroy?

  By Fallout Boy, the song is called Uma Thurman.

• 41:12Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 41:14Griffin McElroy?

  Can we get them, can we get them to play the song that, the like part of the song?

• 41:19Travis McElroy?

  I just sang it.

• 41:20Travis McElroy?

  I don't know.

• 41:21Griffin McElroy?

  I know, but I don't want you to, I don't want you to have to sing it.

• 41:24Travis McElroy?

  Have a clip. Can you take, can you get clips out? I don't know if you have any of their-

• 41:28Griffin McElroy?

  Justin, let's just say that, wait, Justin, let's just, let's just, just play along, okay? And here's a clip of that song. All right. Next question. No, no, no, no, no. But you don't have to sing it because we have the clip of the, here comes the clip of the song.

• 41:39Travis McElroy?

  Walking lonely through the streets of Paris with nothing but an eyeful of tears.

• 41:45Travis McElroy?

  No, that's a pun that you wrote.

• 41:47Griffin McElroy?

  You made that up.

• 41:49Travis McElroy?

  Cause you're trying not to be pleased with yourself. I can tell.

• 41:52Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I can tell from that little smirk, that little shit eating smirk on your face.

• 41:55Travis McElroy?

  Travis, that's a Travis original.

• 41:57Griffin McElroy?

  That's Travis.

• 41:57Travis McElroy?

  That was a Travis. I was really proud of it.

• 41:59Griffin McElroy?

  Eyeful of tears. You can tell the pride really keeps us off.

• 42:04Travis McElroy?

  I can sense it. Travis, next time after you read it, I need you to turn, you read it and then turn fully around.

• 42:10Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 42:11Travis McElroy?

  Who will I be when I wake up next to a stranger on a passenger plane?

• 42:17Griffin McElroy?

  That's Fallout Boy. That's boring. That's a boring line and it sounds like one that could be in a Fallout Boy song and that you wouldn't make-

• 42:23Travis McElroy?

  I don't want to be critical like Griffin, so I don't agree with that part, but I do think-

• 42:27Griffin McElroy?

  I'm not saying all Fallout Boy music is boring. I'm just saying that this one line feels like Fallout Boy to me.

• 42:33Travis McElroy?

  That is Fallout Boy from Twenty Dollar Nosebleed.

• 42:36Travis McElroy?

  Wow, congratulations, Griffin.

• 42:38Travis McElroy?

  With an ironclad fist, I wake up and French kiss the morning.

• 42:44Travis McElroy?

  This is not by either. This is not by you and it's not by Fallout Boy. That's where I'm, this is, I feel like this is the curve ball, Griff. I feel like this is such a funky line that Travis just wanted to put it in here. That's what I think.

• 42:57Griffin McElroy?

  You think this is Jason Mraz?

• 42:59Travis McElroy?

  I think it's Mr. A to Z, the curbside prophet.

• 43:05Griffin McElroy?

  With his hand in his pocket? Yeah?

• 43:07Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, Mr. A to Z.

• 43:10Travis McElroy?

  I'll give it to you.

• 43:10Griffin McElroy?

  Show me.

• 43:11Travis McElroy?

  This is the curve ball. That is from Bed of Roses by Bon Jovi. One of the most emo lines I've ever heard in my entire life.

• 43:18Griffin McElroy?

  Give it to me again.

• 43:19Travis McElroy?

  With an ironclad fist, I wake up and French kiss the morning.

• 43:24Griffin McElroy?

  That's awesome. That doesn't make any sense, Jonathan. That's fucked up, man.

• 43:28Travis McElroy?

  Love it, dude. That's crazy.

• 43:30Travis McElroy?

  Cupid pierces hearts, but yours was a through and through.

• 43:38Travis McElroy?

  Cupid pierces hearts, but yours was a through and through.

• 43:41Griffin McElroy?

  Does Fallout Boy ever do songs about normal shit? Does Fallout Boy ever do songs about normal shit? Like, here's a song about a friend I had in school. He was great. We played soccer together.

• 43:53Travis McElroy?

  My trucks broke down. I'm gonna have fun.

• 43:56Travis McElroy?

  I miss my dog.

• 43:58Griffin McElroy?

  I love money, cause I got a lot. Like stuff like normal song stuff like that. I'm so cool, cause look at my house. Like cool stuff, like normal song stuff.

• 44:08Travis McElroy?

  About being happy, cause all the cool stuff you got.

• 44:11Griffin McElroy?

  Just like, that doesn't have to only be that, but it feels like they only do ones about sort of love-based fantasy violence.

• 44:18Travis McElroy?

  Well, maybe the first time that they had a huge hit, it was love-based fantasy violence. So they don't know how to stop doing that. You know what I mean?

• 44:26Griffin McElroy?

  True.

• 44:26Travis McElroy?

  Like, you know, Monster Magnet, that, that space lord motherfucker. They made that one song just because they were trying to have a hit, because they thought it was funny. And then it was their biggest hit ever. And then it's like, well, I guess we're the band that did Space Lord Motherfucker.

• 44:40Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, don't, I like that you're not cussing. It's like when Bobby Pickett tried to do other songs and people were like, we only want to care about monster parties.

• 44:48Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 44:49Travis McElroy?

  Your real name is Boris.

• 44:51Griffin McElroy?

  And we want Monster Mash 2. We're waiting on it. We want Dracula's slumber party today.

• 44:56Travis McElroy?

  Transylvania Twist, hit us.

• 44:58Griffin McElroy?

  Hit us, we're ready.

• 45:00Travis McElroy?

  Do you think Bobby Boris Pickett has a, has many, many albums? It's like-

• 45:07Travis McElroy?

  No more match.

• 45:08Travis McElroy?

  Listen, everyone, I have an announcement to make. I won't be singing Monster Mash.

• 45:16Travis McElroy?

  I so appreciate you all coming, but I won't be singing Monster Mash. Did you ever see that one clip from The Muppets where he sang Monster Mash for the last time? And then he died the next day and Kermit sang it with him. It was beautiful, man.

• 45:31Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. He had that follow-up song that was like, there was a big fire at the monster party. All the monsters died, so they can't have any more.

• 45:39Travis McElroy?

  And out of respect, I won't sing it again. They left behind wives and children.

• 45:47Travis McElroy?

  Uh, here's my new thing. Be wary of the government. I do want to tell you guys that Bobby Boris Pickett dropped Monster Rap in 1984. And I don't know what that sounds like, but it is available for you.

• 46:01Griffin McElroy?

  Let's play a clip right here.

• 46:02Travis McElroy?

  Right now.

• 46:03Travis McElroy?

  They did the rap. They did the monster rap.

• 46:06Griffin McElroy?

  Travis, you made this one up.

• 46:10Travis McElroy?

  I made up monster rap?

• 46:11Griffin McElroy?

  You made up the thing about the Cupid's arrow through and through.

• 46:16Travis McElroy?

  Justin? I don't agree because I think that Travis would do, would not say through and through. Cause I don't think that is a phrase that I recognize as one use. So I'm gonna say Fallout Boy.

• 46:29Travis McElroy?

  It was me. Through and through, Justin. You forgot my summer of watching a lot of CSI.

• 46:34Griffin McElroy?

  I was gonna say, he knows about crime scenes.

• 46:37Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, man, I read murder mysteries all the time.

• 46:40Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, right. What a fool I've been.

• 46:42Griffin McElroy?

  There was very little musicality to that line. The meter of it was all fucked up. Not to, not to slander-

• 46:49Travis McElroy?

  I'm sorry, Trav, I don't know why he has to be like this, but-

• 46:51Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. I didn't, okay. May the bridges I have burned light my way back home.

• 46:59Travis McElroy?

  That's Fallout Boy, right? That's gotta be.

• 47:01Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, it feels like Fallout Boy, but it's, it doesn't make any fucking sense. You burned them. You can't go back home. Let me go back home across, how are you going to ford the river, Fallout Boy? You burned the goddamn bridges along the way.

• 47:14Travis McElroy?

  Dang, you're mad about this song.

• 47:16Travis McElroy?

  It is Fallout Boy. It's 4th of July. Now, to Griffin's point, it should be, once they're burned, that would imply that they're no longer burning.

• 47:25Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, but there, there's like embers, I think.

• 47:28Travis McElroy?

  Let the bridges I am burning light my way back home.

• 47:31Griffin McElroy?

  And what do you, what home are you returning to? If you've burnt the bridges-

• 47:35Travis McElroy?

  Bridges, you can't get back.

• 47:36Griffin McElroy?

  You can't get back.

• 47:37Travis McElroy?

  It's a really good song. I love that song.

• 47:38Griffin McElroy?

  They might not want you back.

• 47:40Travis McElroy?

  Gotta return from where we started.

• 47:42Travis McElroy?

  Travis just got nervous that maybe Boy or Fallout is listening right now.

• 47:46Travis McElroy?

  If Patrick Stump is listening, this is coming from-

• 47:49Griffin McElroy?

  His name's Patrick Stump?

• 47:50Travis McElroy?

  Wow, Griffin? You're gonna cover the man's name?

• 47:54Griffin McElroy?

  I just have never heard the guy's name before.

• 47:56Travis McElroy?

  Called Patrick Stump and Pete Wince is the bass player.

• 48:00Griffin McElroy?

  Pete Wince, I know that name. That's a cool rocker name.

• 48:04Travis McElroy?

  Patrick Stump is very cool.

• 48:05Griffin McElroy?

  Different name. I don't think this is, you know what? No, I'm not gonna make you let me feel bad. I'm not gonna let you make me feel bad either. That's not a rock and roll name, Patrick Stump. I'm Patrick Stump. Watch me sing. That's not a rock and roll name.

• 48:17Travis McElroy?

  Patrick Stump is a name-

• 48:19Griffin McElroy?

  Name like Lenny Kravitz.

• 48:20Travis McElroy?

  Patrick Stump is a name that the Babadook would pick for himself if he wanted to hide as a real man.

• 48:25Travis McElroy?

  My name is Patrick Stump. I'm a real man.

• 48:30Travis McElroy?

  I bet the Babadook would make some amazing emo punk music.

• 48:34Griffin McElroy?

  Shit.

• 48:35Travis McElroy?

  Shit. Hey, did you guys hear about the athlete that got banned from Hi-Rax for Babadooking?

• 48:45Travis McElroy?

  Last one. Gotta return from where we started and we'll get there in the end.

• 48:52Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, man, this is actually the, this is the, this is the first toughie for me, Trav.

• 48:59Griffin McElroy?

  I think that you made that up. I think that you made that up.

• 49:03Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, that's where I'm, I'm with Griffin on that one.

• 49:05Griffin McElroy?

  It feels TV theme song to me in like a alternate universe where TV theme songs can be sort of spoke, spoken word poetry. And it feels like this was you.

• 49:15Travis McElroy?

  You know what? I, it was me. I didn't think about that till you did it. And it does have kind of a my two dads kind of feel, you know? Gotta return from where we started and we'll get there in the end.

• 49:28Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, it's not a, it's not even, how do you break that up? There's no, there's no meter to that whatsoever. It's just a sort of thought.

• 49:35Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I guess I'm not as good a songwriter as professional musician Patrick Stump and Pete Wentz, Griffin.

• 49:42Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, we smoked that fucking game, Trav. We absolutely just, we absolutely got everything right.

• 49:49Travis McElroy?

  Slow horses makes me realize how much I miss those theme songs where they talk about what the show's about without really talking about it.

• 49:56Travis McElroy?

  I miss that in movies too, man.

• 49:58Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 49:59Travis McElroy?

  Where this, it's like a song that's about what's about to happen.

• 50:02Travis McElroy?

  They used to release singles recounting what you've just seen in the movie over the credits. Like what a great time Jim West, desperado just had. Out there. Oh, do you remember all the good times? Let's, let's go over them one more time.

• 50:17Griffin McElroy?

  And Will Smith is such an outlier because that's like his fucking bread and butter. It's not, that's not a genre of music outside of Will Smith's sort of, uh, milieu.

• 50:28Travis McElroy?

  It is very impressive how little we have talked about late stage Will Smith recordings because they are a sorts of a real joy. Uh, it's just a real thorny. It's just a real thorny patch to play in.

• 50:40Griffin McElroy?

  It's a bramble.

• 50:41Travis McElroy?

  It's a bramble. There's some brambles over there.

• 50:46Travis McElroy?

  I know.

• 50:46Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 50:47Travis McElroy?

  Just one thing.

• 50:50Travis McElroy?

  I want a munch squad.

• 50:54Travis McElroy?

  I want a munch squad.

• 50:57Travis McElroy?

  It's munch squad, Mini. It's just a little thing. I want to tell you guys because I, this is kind of an alert because I won't be able to get out there to Jack in the Box. Um, but I did want to tell you guys that they, because I don't have one. Do you guys have a Jack in the Box near you? Do you?

• 51:13Griffin McElroy?

  I haven't looked.

• 51:15Travis McElroy?

  Trav, they're doing a munchy meal of horror. It is a Simpsons Treehouse of Horror themed meal. And you can get it at Jack the Box.

• 51:24Travis McElroy?

  I could tell you right now, looking at that, that, um, picture looks a bajillion times better than any food I've ever gotten at Jack in the Box. And I've gotten a lot of food at Jack in the Box.

• 51:36Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 51:37Travis McElroy?

  And when you go to Jack in the Box to get food, you know exactly what you're in for. You know why you're there.

• 51:42Griffin McElroy?

  There are two sort of floating slices of cheese that I don't know what, what they belong to.

• 51:46Travis McElroy?

  That's a hat. Interesting. Um, so this is a munchy meal. I just did want to mention that they're, they're doing this. There's a double crusty burger. Um, you can get forbidden oat holes, spooky Simpson sauce. I wish I could get out there to do a review, but I can't.

• 52:02Travis McElroy?

  Spooky Simpson sauce tells me nothing about.

• 52:05Griffin McElroy?

  Nothing. It's probably mustard, right?

• 52:07Travis McElroy?

  You're in for it. Yeah. Got to be a mustard. Uh, the, the other one I wanted to talk about is more of a traditional munch squad thing, but it's ma, it's, I feel like it's an area where I can't really bring the context and the authoritative nature that I, that you all are so used to me having here. Cause I feel like I'm, I'm, I'm not really qualified. Do you know who this person is?

• 52:31Griffin McElroy?

  I do not.

• 52:33Travis McElroy?

  Damn it.

• 52:33Griffin McElroy?

  I do not know who that person is. I apologize.

• 52:35Travis McElroy?

  Trav.

• 52:37Griffin McElroy?

  It's a lady wearing sunglasses in a car.

• 52:38Travis McElroy?

  It's Lisa Barlow. Yeah. Does that help? Does it help if I tell you that Wendy's is now serving Lisa Barlow's baby gorgeous meal?

• 52:49Travis McElroy?

  Does it help if I say those words to you guys?

• 52:51Griffin McElroy?

  Say them again.

• 52:52Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. So Wendy's is now serving Lisa Barlow's baby gorgeous meal.

• 52:57Griffin McElroy?

  It feels familiar.

• 53:00Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. So.

• 53:02Griffin McElroy?

  Gosh, it's, it's.

• 53:03Travis McElroy?

  I don't know if it's in your tongue, I'm sure. But so, so the thing is this, Wendy's chicken nuggets have never been so glamorous. Starting today, fans can order Lisa Barlow's baby gorgeous meal. Inspired by the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City stars, go to Wendy's order. After years of Lisa sharing her love for Wendy's across the Bravo universe, Wendy's is, and this is in italics, it says going the distance, which I guess is probably maybe a reference to Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, but it just feels, I don't know, with this digital exclusive meal only available in Wendy's.

• 53:41Travis McElroy?

  Wait, digital exclusive meal? Sounds like I'm eating it in second life.

• 53:46Griffin McElroy?

  It's also fucked that they had to specify it's exclusive to Wendy's. Yeah. They're doing a press release about it. We're hearing it. They're not like, it's at Wendy's and Burger King and Taco Bell for some reason.

• 53:56Travis McElroy?

  If you get the meal, you're entered for a chance to win the gorgeously stacked baby gorgeous sweepstakes.

• 54:02Travis McElroy?

  What?

• 54:03Griffin McElroy?

  What's that mean? What's the prize?

• 54:04Travis McElroy?

  It comes with 10 piece chicken nuggets.

• 54:07Travis McElroy?

  The sleeve steak?

• 54:07Travis McElroy?

  Medium honk.

• 54:08Griffin McElroy?

  The prize is nuggets?

• 54:09Travis McElroy?

  No, sorry. We're not to the prize yet. This is the meal. The meal is a 10 piece chicken nugget, medium hot and crispy fry, medium diet coke, or choice of beverage, barbecue sauce, or choice of dipping sauce.

• 54:22Travis McElroy?

  That's wait.

• 54:23Griffin McElroy?

  So it's a 10 piece nugget combo?

• 54:25Travis McElroy?

  It's a 10 piece nugget combo.

• 54:27Griffin McElroy?

  At least when fucking Mickey D's does this shit for like, here's the Travis Scott one. It's got a half full cup of Sprite. Uh, it's got ketchup mixed with mayo for dipping. Like they really chop and screw it. Mm-hmm. We cut the burger into quarters, just like Travie likes it. Like they really fuck it up. This is just a 10 piece combo meal, it feels like.

• 54:50Travis McElroy?

  Wendy's rewards members who purchased the meal through the Wendy's app from September 16th to the 30th will be automatically entered into the baby gorgeous sweepstakes for the chance to win items like Wendy's gift cards, Bravo inspired merchandise, travel goodies, beauty must haves, personalized videos from Lisa Barlow herself.

• 55:13Griffin McElroy?

  Awesome.

• 55:15Travis McElroy?

  Or a $10,000 cash prize. But I, can I just send the cash back and get a video where Lisa explains who she is? Cause that's what I would love. I would love to say, hi, Justin, I'm Lisa Barlow. This is my shit right here. I'll give it to you. You don't have to Google me.

• 55:29Travis McElroy?

  I want to know, I want to know what Bravo inspired merchandise means.

• 55:36Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, it's not the Bravo logo, but it's like.

• 55:38Travis McElroy?

  We watched shows on Bravo and had some ideas during that time and we made these.

• 55:45Travis McElroy?

  I mean, Sydney's, Sydney's tank top that has Captain Lee's great phrase, don't embarrass yourself, don't embarrass the boat, is I guess inspired by the hit show Below Deck in the sense that it is a Below Deck merchandise and Below Deck is a Bravo show. So I guess it inspired by, but I would say it's pretty directly just like, here's some shit with our shows on it.

• 56:08Griffin McElroy?

  It's gonna be a big shirt with Andy Cohen's face on it. It's gonna be a big shirt of Andy Cohen that makes my torso look like Andy Cohen's torso.

• 56:17Travis McElroy?

  So his face isn't on it just his torso?

• 56:20Griffin McElroy?

  Just his torso. And like, you know how they have those shirts and you put it on and it looks like you're wearing a bikini? It'd be like that, but it'd be Andy Cohen's torso.

• 56:27Travis McElroy?

  Huh.

• 56:28Griffin McElroy?

  Not nude, but he's wearing a shirt. Do they have that?

• 56:32Travis McElroy?

  So a shirt, a shirt that looks like a man wearing a shirt?

• 56:36Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 56:37Travis McElroy?

  Nice. Griffin, I could sell you one of those.

• 56:41Griffin McElroy?

  That's actually what I'm wearing right now.

• 56:42Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 56:42Griffin McElroy?

  This is from the Bravo collection. It's a shirt that looks like Andy Cohen's torso, wearing a very similar shirt.

• 56:48Travis McElroy?

  It's dead on, Griffin. I really thought that was a torso.

• 56:51Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah. No, it's, it's, it's really him.

• 56:54Travis McElroy?

  Thank you so much for listening to our podcast, My Brother, My Brother and Me. I, I hope you've enjoyed it. I hope you got something. I hope you learned something.

• 57:02Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, this has been one of those very special episodes. There was a message in this one that I'm sure you all got.

• 57:09Griffin McElroy?

  I agree.

• 57:09Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Yeah. Don't ask us about the Mitch McConnell stuff. It doesn't exist anymore. Don't.

• 57:14Griffin McElroy?

  No, this isn't Gucci tapes level stuff. It was, it was.

• 57:19Travis McElroy?

  You know, we got new merch in the merchandise store over at McElroymerch.com. There's a limited edition pubating is always a free action t-shirt. It's only to the end of the month, designed by, uh, Bren Doherty and 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to the Midwest Food Bank's Disaster Relief Fund, which brings together donors, volunteers, and a network of over 2,400 nonprofit partners to deliver food and support communities across the country.

• 57:44Travis McElroy?

  Also make sure you get your tickets for Besties Live on Broadway, October 9th at Town Hall in NYC. I can get those tickets at bit.oi slash besties on Broadway. I will not be there, not because I'm not in Besties, but because of my longstanding beef with Russ. He knows what he did. Um, and I won't be in the same state as him.

• 58:04Travis McElroy?

  Oh, should have said this earlier, but if you're Unie and want to send out some free ovens to your boys.

• 58:12Travis McElroy?

  I'll take that sponsorship.

• 58:13Travis McElroy?

  Would love to do that sponsorship.

• 58:15Travis McElroy?

  My whole.

• 58:16Travis McElroy?

  Would love to do it. Sorry. And if we said anything that was even a bit negative about it, that was jokes.

• 58:23Travis McElroy?

  That was joke.

• 58:24Griffin McElroy?

  That was all fun, dude. It's all love. It's all love, Unie.

• 58:28Travis McElroy?

  I can throw my wrist brace that I've been using to help with my flexor tendonitis.

• 58:32Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, you need that.

• 58:33Travis McElroy?

  Well, I'm gonna, I'm gonna re-get it, Griffin. I'm not throwing it into a black hole.

• 58:38Travis McElroy?

  But what if you fling it so hard that you re-tendonize your flexons?

• 58:42Travis McElroy?

  That's always a risk, Justin, but for comedy, I'm willing to take that risk for the show.

• 58:46Travis McElroy?

  That's what separates the wheat from the chaff.

• 58:48Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, from my brothers. Okay, you ready? No, look.

• 58:51Griffin McElroy?

  Really hum it. Really. I feel like the throws are getting a little lackadaisical. I want to see some effort for the big boy.

• 58:56Travis McElroy?

  I'm so worried. There's so many things behind me.

• 58:58Griffin McElroy?

  I know, for the big boy. All right.

• 59:01Travis McElroy?

  Sick. Pretty good. My name's Justin McElroy.

• 59:03Griffin McElroy?

  I'm Griffin McElroy.

• 59:04Travis McElroy?

  I'm Travis McElroy.

• 59:05Griffin McElroy?

  I went out of work.

• 59:06Travis McElroy?

  My brother, my brother, me kiss you.

• 59:07Travis McElroy?

  Oops, square on the lips.