If I Ruled the World: The One Where Everyone Tries Crack

Required drug taking? Assigned partnerships? Getting rid of politicians? Trevor, Christiana, and Josh are back with maybe their wildest “If I Ruled the World” yet. See which of their inspired ideas will get voted through, and why.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Trevor Noah?

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• 0:42Trevor Noah?

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• 1:25Trevor Noah?

  Thankfully, Google Pixel 11 is designed with Gemini intelligence, so it can proactively find the information I need right when I need it. Like my flight info and travel days, or my calendar when Eugene texts me to hang out. Oh, sorry Eugene, I'm booked. Learn more about what Google Pixel 11 can do at googlestore.com. These AI features are available in select countries and languages for users eighteen and over, and make sure to check responses. Yeah, booked forever, forever.

• 1:58Trevor Noah?

  I believe everyone should try crack before they die. But like, in a perfect world, you would know right before you die.

• 2:03Speaker 01

  He said do it in hospice.

• 2:04Trevor Noah?

  I would. I would do it in hospice. Guys, if you're going out, go out with a bang. With a snap, crackle, pop, bang. Come on.

• 2:10Speaker 02

  No, I don't think crack is the best hospice drug.

• 2:12Trevor Noah?

  What would you choose? Heroin?

• 2:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:14Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, I'm with you.

• 2:15Speaker 01

  But they give you that anyway.

• 2:16Speaker 02

  That's what I'm saying, though. Because they already figured it out.

• 2:19Trevor Noah?

  Yo, let me ask you something.

• 2:20Speaker 01

  I'd wanna do hook.

• 2:20Trevor Noah?

  Have you seen somebody do crack and then like not be like more mobile than they were?

• 2:24Speaker 01

  Crackheads keep jobs.

• 2:26Trevor Noah?

  That's what I'm saying.

• 2:26Speaker 01

  Fentanyl kills.

• 2:27Trevor Noah?

  So I'm saying hospice should have crack.

• 2:30Speaker 02

  But these people aren't gonna be working.

• 2:33Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. Hospice will just have like a different swag to it. This one is like an end-stage thing. I'm not saying crack for the people.

• 2:39Speaker 02

  Got you.

• 2:39Trevor Noah?

  I'm saying.

• 2:40Speaker 02

  I thought you were saying crack for the people.

• 2:41Trevor Noah?

  No, I'm saying crack when it's done.

• 2:42Speaker 01

  When you're like, when you're old and dying.

• 2:43Trevor Noah?

  When crack, when it's done. Like, you know when an airplane is going down and the masks come from the ceiling? It should be a little crack as well. That's what should be in the mask.

• 2:50Speaker 01

  A crack pipe?

• 2:50Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, that's what should be in the mask. Plane's going down, crack pipe comes down from the top and then it's like... And then you're like, man, this is not so bad. This is not so... They'll hold the plane up themselves.

• 3:06Trevor Noah?

  This is What Now? with Trevor Noah.

• 3:17Trevor Noah?

  So, welcome to it. It's an episode of If I Ruled the World, where myself, Josh, and Christiana think about ways that we would change the world if we had all the power. As is usual, each of us suggests our idea. Everyone votes on it. We'll hit the other two votes on it. And if you get a majority, or if you get two people, then your vote is passed. So, Josh, Christiana, do you wanna start?

• 3:46Speaker 01

  After you, Josh.

• 3:47Trevor Noah?

  Christiana, you're the only person I think who's had one passed.

• 3:49Speaker 01

  I know, and I wanna be the one that has it again. Now I'm my competitive.

• 3:52Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, now you have stakes.

• 3:54Speaker 02

  I feel like that's why she offered for me to go first, because it's like she knows that'll be bad.

• 4:00Trevor Noah?

  Okay, Josh, you go first.

• 4:02Speaker 02

  Um, I think that if I ruled the world, everyone, every citizen of the world... The world after the age of about twenty two, potentially twenty five.

• 4:12Trevor Noah?

  Yeah.

• 4:12Speaker 02

  Would have to at some point in the rest of their life have at least one psychedelic experience.

• 4:19Trevor Noah?

  Wow, have to.

• 4:21Speaker 02

  You have to, and you don't have to do it at twenty two. I'm, I, I say twenty two because between twenty two and twenty five are the years where the, the brain.

• 4:32Trevor Noah?

  So you're waiting for the brain to settle.

• 4:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, cuz I'm, I'm not trying to offset where anyone was gonna go without this.

• 4:39Trevor Noah?

  Okay.

• 4:39Speaker 02

  And I want everybody to be able to be themselves.

• 4:41Trevor Noah?

  Hmm.

• 4:42Speaker 02

  But then I think that afterwards, it's probably one of the things, you can even save it until you're, until you're old. And if you die.

• 4:51Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, but that's what I was gonna ask. What if people die before?

• 4:54Speaker 02

  I mean, they could die before they're twenty two.

• 4:56Trevor Noah?

  No, but what I'm saying is, this is what I'm trying to say. You, you've implemented a system cuz everyone has to.

• 5:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:01Trevor Noah?

  But there's no time limit on it.

• 5:03Speaker 02

  I would say the time limit on it is like probably fifty five.

• 5:08Trevor Noah?

  Fifty five, so before fifty five, you have to have a psychedelic experience.

• 5:11Speaker 02

  Yes, because I think that if, if it has a life altering effect on you at fifty five, there's still time to change your life around. And if you do it too late, I think it just reshapes how you feel about life you've already lived.

• 5:26Trevor Noah?

  Huh. Okay, um. I'm a little torn on this one. I think psychedelics can change the world in a positive way. I also do think not everyone should have to take them. And I think some people might take them and have like a really bad trip and. Like, I don't know if you've read these people's posts on like ayahuasca, which I know is not exactly the same thing. A lot of people go and do like ayahuasca at one of these gimmicky retreats somewhere in the world. And then they come back and they leave their family and they like quit everything and then they go over. I, I don't know if everyone, would you give people psych evaluations beforehand?

• 6:05Speaker 01

  Would there be a guide?

• 6:07Trevor Noah?

  Would there be a guide?

• 6:08Speaker 02

  A perfect example, right?

• 6:10Trevor Noah?

  Okay, go.

• 6:10Speaker 02

  Is that apparently we have a misunderstanding personally and we've made a tourism out of ayahuasca.

• 6:16Trevor Noah?

  Yes, we have.

• 6:17Speaker 02

  The tradition of ayahuasca was that the actual doctor, like the elder would take the ayahuasca and converse with you and talk with you. We've made it so that we want to take the ayahuasca. So I would, I would say that there would definitely be like a sort of psyche valve to make sure a person could handle it.

• 6:34Trevor Noah?

  Okay, okay, okay. No, I'm with you a little bit more.

• 6:36Speaker 02

  But I do think that the, between the years of like 22 and 55 are where you are at your most, your most potential for being like stuck. I don't want to disparage people's choices, but I think that some people who do fall off the grid after a psychedelic experience maybe really are like loosening themselves. Maybe that's not the crazy that we think it is.

• 7:02Trevor Noah?

  Okay, I'm willing to accept that.

• 7:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean.

• 7:04Trevor Noah?

  Because we don't know who their families are.

• 7:06Speaker 02

  We don't know who their families are and we even have.

• 7:08Trevor Noah?

  What their job was like.

• 7:09Speaker 02

  What you would even call traditions of like you look at the Buddha and the Buddha left everything to go find enlightenment. But he, but he had responsibilities. He had a wife and he had children and everything.

• 7:18Speaker 01

  Oh, so he was a, I didn't know he was a deadbeat.

• 7:21Speaker 02

  Little bit.

• 7:21Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 7:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:22Speaker 01

  Didn't know that about him.

• 7:23Speaker 02

  Pretty sure, pretty sure he came back, but didn't come back to raise them.

• 7:27Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, he just came back to tell them that like.

• 7:28Speaker 01

  Oh, that's a bad person.

• 7:29Trevor Noah?

  The idea of him leaving isn't real. He was like, why are you crying? I was never here.

• 7:33Speaker 01

  So he made someone a single mom.

• 7:35Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, but he was like, you were always single. You came into this world.

• 7:37Speaker 01

  People have made him a god.

• 7:38Trevor Noah?

  He's like, you came into this world. He's not a god. He's like, it's an idea.

• 7:41Speaker 01

  It's like a prophet.

• 7:42Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, but he's just like, yeah, man.

• 7:44Speaker 01

  At least Jesus didn't have any kids. I'm not like saying you should be a Christian, but he had no kids.

• 7:50Trevor Noah?

  He was going to, but then Pontius Pilate happened. And yeah, the rest is history. So wait, Josh, you, you're saying this, are you saying this firsthand or are you saying this as like just an idea?

• 8:02Speaker 02

  No, as as an idea.

• 8:04Speaker 01

  So you've never done psychedelics?

• 8:05Speaker 02

  No, no, I haven't done psychedelics.

• 8:07Trevor Noah?

  So you don't know what could happen to you?

• 8:09Speaker 02

  Wait, no, okay, it's different.

• 8:12Trevor Noah?

  I would love to do it with you.

• 8:13Speaker 02

  No, no.

• 8:14Trevor Noah?

  I would put anybody on shrooms. Why would you say this about me?

• 8:16Speaker 01

  You're like the shroom pusher.

• 8:18Trevor Noah?

  No, I'm not. No, no, no, no. I'm the open mind encourager.

• 8:22Speaker 01

  Highbrow drug dealer.

• 8:23Trevor Noah?

  I'm a I'm an open mind encourager. I think everyone should be open to like electric cars. I was one of the first ones saying to people, yo, guys, let's do electric cars. And then if people don't want it, I was like, I don't mind you not doing it, but let's be open to the idea of it. We should all be open to more ideas that make the world a better place.

• 8:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, I I agree with that.

• 8:39Trevor Noah?

  I would never put anything on Josh.

• 8:41Speaker 01

  You've never done it, but you want everyone, including yourself, to do it?

• 8:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, it would be easier for me to do it.

• 8:51Speaker 02

  But also, also, I will say this, I don't do it now under the current system that we live in. I can't just be a, you know, a black man out in the streets on psychedelics for the first time. I don't know, I might take my shirt off, might start running.

• 9:05Trevor Noah?

  No, we go to Oregon, we go to, we find like an open field, you know? And then we just get in touch with ourselves.

• 9:11Speaker 02

  I I guess so.

• 9:12Speaker 01

  Wait, Josh, do you even drink?

• 9:14Speaker 02

  No, no, I don't drink. I've never done anything. This is just.

• 9:18Speaker 01

  Have you smoked weed?

• 9:19Speaker 02

  No, this is me raw.

• 9:20Trevor Noah?

  Wow.

• 9:21Speaker 02

  This is just what I'm like.

• 9:22Trevor Noah?

  Wow, I think, yeah.

• 9:23Speaker 01

  You've done nothing in life.

• 9:24Speaker 02

  No.

• 9:25Trevor Noah?

  You know what we should do? We should, well, you just made it seem like he's done nothing in life. That's extreme. You just made it like you were like, have you lived?

• 9:31Speaker 01

  No, but.

• 9:32Speaker 02

  I know what she meant.

• 9:33Speaker 01

  You don't take antidepressants, you're just raw dogging the world. No, no.

• 9:37Trevor Noah?

  Wow.

• 9:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:39Trevor Noah?

  This is.

• 9:40Speaker 01

  Josh, you, this is deep.

• 9:41Trevor Noah?

  What we should do then, Josh, we should start, why don't we start with a cigarette? You might discover yourself.

• 9:46Speaker 01

  Have you ever smoked a cigarette?

• 9:47Speaker 02

  No.

• 9:48Trevor Noah?

  No, you never know. Josh, you're so, Josh, you're so pure that you might smoke a cigarette and have like an ayahuasca experience.

• 9:54Speaker 02

  I might smoke a cigarette and die.

• 9:57Trevor Noah?

  I'm saying you might smoke one cigarette and be like, I see my ancestors. We'll give you like one, like Marlboro, like an old school.

• 10:04Speaker 02

  That's insane.

• 10:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 10:06Trevor Noah?

  Just like one.

• 10:07Speaker 01

  I think nicotine would be enough for him.

• 10:08Trevor Noah?

  Man, let's go, you know, Josh, can I tell you what we should do? We should do, we should do podcast episodes. And on each one, we give you one substance. You try it and then we discuss it with you to see how you feel.

• 10:21Speaker 02

  I feel like in this scenario, you accidentally may crack the first episode. If we don't do it the other episode, we're like, we can't find them.

• 10:29Speaker 01

  No, no, no, no. For Trevor, crack is the end game.

• 10:32Trevor Noah?

  Yes, it is.

• 10:33Speaker 01

  So it'd be like season forty.

• 10:34Trevor Noah?

  Yes, it would.

• 10:35Speaker 01

  Would definitely be crack.

• 10:36Trevor Noah?

  Yeah.

• 10:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think Josh, with your psychedelics thing. Since you like, don't drink, you don't smoke weed. I don't know if you're the best authority on people trying, the whole population trying other substances.

• 10:50Trevor Noah?

  I think it's a fantastic idea, but carry on.

• 10:52Speaker 01

  No, but like, it doesn't come from experience.

• 10:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. It comes from just a lot of reading.

• 10:58Speaker 01

  Guys, the first. I thought you were on the same journey this guy's on.

• 11:00Speaker 02

  No, no, no.

• 11:01Speaker 01

  Room expert. But now to find out that you, actually you seem crazier now that you haven't done it.

• 11:06Trevor Noah?

  The first, the first helicopter was not invented by someone who flew in a helicopter. Let the man be.

• 11:11Speaker 01

  What does that even mean?

• 11:14Trevor Noah?

  You don't have to do the thing to have the idea for the thing. That's what I'm saying. Josh is clearly an enlightened gentleman.

• 11:19Speaker 01

  He could do, you could take him to Oregon and you do the thing and he comes back and he's like, absolutely not. So I want.

• 11:25Trevor Noah?

  We doing that, Josh?

• 11:26Speaker 01

  I think Josh should do it, because Josh doesn't do anything.

• 11:29Speaker 02

  Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it. Um, you know, so I, I hear what you're saying, Christian. I, I do get it, but I'm just saying off of both the things that I've, uh, seen from people. Like from not my firsthand experience, but from the knowledge of other people trying things and everything. I just, in the same way that I have not seen anyone be better for being drunk. I have not seen people.

• 11:58Speaker 02

  Whole lots of worse off for having a psychedelic experience.

• 12:02Trevor Noah?

  I agree with that.

• 12:03Speaker 02

  Especially ones that they are even intended to be a little bit life altering or mind opening and are not habitual.

• 12:09Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 12:10Speaker 02

  I've just not seen any negative repercussions in like a major way. Maybe they had a bad trip, but I think that bad trip also made them think about why it was a bad trip and exposed.

• 12:20Speaker 01

  No, I think you're coming from it to it from a very considered perspective. I respect it, but I still think you should do it because I'm not gonna do it, so you do it.

• 12:29Trevor Noah?

  Can I tell you what's funny about Christiana is this, you are gonna be scammed. I'm letting you know, you're gonna get scammed by, because remember this moment and bookmark this episode.

• 12:39Trevor Noah?

  The pharmaceutical industry.

• 12:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:41Trevor Noah?

  Is working on synthesizing psychedelics that grow from our own mother earth.

• 12:46Speaker 02

  Mm hmm.

• 12:47Trevor Noah?

  They're finding a way to synthesize it and once they've figured it out, they're gonna get it passed by the governments. And then they're gonna make it illegal to have the stuff that everyone can grow for themselves and not lose all their money on. And then they're gonna sell the thing that was natural to the people and it's not gonna have the full effects. Because they still want it to like make you like latch on to capitalism. So they're gonna find a way to like, it'll make you feel good for a few moments and then it'll like go away. But it won't have like the real life changing possibilities that like real psychedelics can have. And then when that comes out, it'll be in a pill form, it'll be widely accepted by society like most drugs are. That have like the worst side effects and that get people, you know, opioid addictions and you name it. And then you see Josh, Christiana will take that bottle and she'll tell us that she's on it. And we'll be like, why didn't you take the mushrooms?

• 13:32Trevor Noah?

  And she'll be like, because my doctor prescribed this one.

• 13:34Speaker 01

  I'm gonna say after, we we spoke to Michael Pollan, right, Josh? After that, um, I mean, my politics group chat, you guys, my nerdy mum group chat.

• 13:42Trevor Noah?

  Yes.

• 13:43Speaker 01

  We had a thing and we were like, okay, we're gonna do a trip and we we wanna get a guide and do shrooms.

• 13:48Trevor Noah?

  Oh.

• 13:49Speaker 01

  We wanna get your person.

• 13:50Trevor Noah?

  Look at this.

• 13:51Speaker 01

  We wanna get your person.

• 13:52Trevor Noah?

  This is amazing.

• 13:53Speaker 01

  But we kept being mothers, there's so many caveats already, it's just like.

• 13:57Trevor Noah?

  I'm with you.

• 13:58Speaker 01

  Should this person, well, maybe this person sits out and like make sure like our phones are there, da, da, da. So we were, we are considering it. I don't, I think we're all chicken to ever do it.

• 14:07Trevor Noah?

  Okay.

• 14:07Speaker 01

  And we're tired, exhausted mothers.

• 14:09Trevor Noah?

  One step in the right direction.

• 14:10Speaker 01

  Probably just like sleep most of the trip.

• 14:11Trevor Noah?

  Yeah.

• 14:12Speaker 01

  But like, I'm, I'm becoming more open to it. I, but I think you should do it before you propose a law about it. It's only fair.

• 14:19Trevor Noah?

  Yeah.

• 14:19Speaker 01

  Unless it's political hypocrisy.

• 14:21Trevor Noah?

  You know what, Josh? I see what she says. She thinks you're chicken. You're not chicken.

• 14:24Speaker 01

  No.

• 14:25Trevor Noah?

  After this episode, me and you, we go. And we're gonna make it happen. Any questions from you, Christiana? I'm ready to vote on this.

• 14:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm ready to vote on it. I don't have any questions.

• 14:34Trevor Noah?

  Okay.

• 14:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:35Trevor Noah?

  And you're voting?

• 14:36Speaker 01

  I'm gonna vote no.

• 14:37Trevor Noah?

  Damn.

• 14:39Speaker 01

  But I think that the spirit behind it is a really beautiful thing because you're saying everyone should get the chance to be free.

• 14:47Trevor Noah?

  Yeah.

• 14:47Speaker 01

  Which is what psychedelics can possibly do.

• 14:49Trevor Noah?

  But you're voting no?

• 14:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, because I don't think we should compel anyone to do things with their bodies. I'm truly pro-choice.

• 14:56Trevor Noah?

  Damn, Josh, you are not pro-choice.

• 15:00Speaker 02

  Well, we compel people all the time.

• 15:02Trevor Noah?

  You are on the record as not being pro-choice.

• 15:05Speaker 01

  No, but I wouldn't even force people to take vaccines. Do you know what I mean?

• 15:07Trevor Noah?

  Wow, no, no, Josh is like.

• 15:09Speaker 02

  No, no.

• 15:10Trevor Noah?

  We recorded Josh.

• 15:11Speaker 02

  Let her hang with me. She said no vaccines.

• 15:15Speaker 01

  No, I do vaccines. I want my kids to be around people who have vaccines. But I would never say, if I was running a government, I'd be like.

• 15:21Trevor Noah?

  So like your body, don't come near it, don't touch it, don't do anything.

• 15:26Speaker 01

  Autonomy, radical consent. I'd be one of, if I was Gen Z, I'd be like, one of people, can I kiss you? Okay, now I'm gonna take off your top. I'd be like that type of person, but I'm like a millennial so long. But yeah, I just, I feel we can't, I don't want to compel anyone to do something with their body, especially that affects their mind.

• 15:40Trevor Noah?

  Mm-hmm.

• 15:40Speaker 01

  So I'm sorry, so no, Josh.

• 15:42Trevor Noah?

  Well, I still vote yes because I think it's a wonderful idea that could set many people free. And I think we've lost many of the traditions that have helped people do that. But Christiana wants us to be stuck sipping on the juice that capitalism gives us only.

• 15:55Speaker 02

  It does sound a little like that.

• 15:57Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, she wants us to be stuck in our little cubicles and doesn't want us to be free.

• 16:01Speaker 02

  Because you know what affects the mind? You know what affects the body? The phone. We all have one of those. We need them to survive. We never let them go. Maybe I should have tricked everyone.

• 16:11Speaker 02

  I'm placing everybody.

• 16:12Trevor Noah?

  Josh got a no. We'll see what Christiana's suggestion is. We're gonna continue this conversation right after this short break.

• 16:21Trevor Noah?

  Some of the most interesting things you learn happen while you're doing something completely ordinary. Maybe you're cooking dinner while watching a history video. Maybe you're on a flight catching up on a long-form interview. Or maybe you're trying to figure out how to fix something in your house because apparently owning a screwdriver means you're an electrician now. But you see, that's one of the things I love about YouTube Premium. I travel a lot, so I download videos before a flight. That way, I'm not leaving my entertainment in the hands of airplane wifi. Yeah, I've made that mistake before. You think you're gonna watch something in 4K and suddenly everyone's face is pixels. But one of my favorite features is smart downloads. You see, YouTube Premium can automatically download recommended videos for you

• 17:06Trevor Noah?

  based on what you already watched. So sometimes I'll get on a plane, I look at my phone, I'm like, ah, I didn't download anything. And it's like, no, YouTube already thought about this. They packed entertainment for me in my little lunchbox. And with background play, I can lock my phone, switch apps, and whatever I'm watching just keeps on going. So, if you like YouTube, you will love YouTube Premium. Sign up now for your free trial at youtube.com/premium. Terms apply. Cancel anytime. Earth can be a lot sometimes. Heat waves, gas prices, bad hair days. Why not go where life is good? Escape to Pluto TV. Turn off your problems and turn on your favorite movies and shows.

• 17:51Trevor Noah?

  You know, the ones you already love. From Anchorman, The Legend of Ron Burgundy, to Dirty Dancing, to Top Gun Maverick. From Alias to The X-Files. It's all here and all free. Go where the TV is always good. Escape to Pluto TV. Stream now, pay never.

• 18:11Trevor Noah?

  Therapy is one of those things lots of people talk themselves out of without even realizing it. Like, it's too expensive or it's too overwhelming figuring out even where you're gonna start. But Rula is one way to make that first step feel a lot more doable. Offering accessible, affordable therapy that fits your needs. Sign up in just a few minutes and get matched with a therapist who fits what you're looking for. Need to talk to someone quickly? Appointments are often available as soon as the next day. And with insurance, sessions average around a $15 copay. You can also see estimated costs upfront, so there's a lot more clarity going in. And in terms of outcomes, 93% of Rula patients report symptom improvement.

• 18:56Trevor Noah?

  If therapy's been sitting in the back of your mind, Rula is a pretty simple way to take that first step. So, turn off the talk track that's keeping you from progress and head to rula.com. That's R U L A dot com to find a therapist the easy way.

• 19:19Trevor Noah?

  All right, Christiana, it's your turn. If you ruled the world.

• 19:22Speaker 01

  If I ruled the world, everyone would get an assigned partner. And whatever you'd want that partner to be. So if you're a gay man and you really want a husband, we'd make sure you get a husband. If you're lesbian and you want a wife, I'd make sure you get a wife, straight, dah dah dah. Or if you're someone that's like, I just want platonic love, we'd get you a best friend.

• 19:40Trevor Noah?

  Now, when you say get you, what is this? Who's the getting and how does the getting work? But I'm like, am I gonna get God? Like, when you say getting, someone's like, I wanna have Trevor.

• 19:50Speaker 01

  We'd have like social work. No, no, no, no, no. Everyone would be compelled.

• 19:55Trevor Noah?

  Yes.

• 19:55Speaker 01

  To have an assigned partner. You can say what that assigned partner has to be, like, is there somebody I?

• 20:00Trevor Noah?

  But we have to have them.

• 20:02Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 20:02Trevor Noah?

  So no one's single in the world?

• 20:04Speaker 01

  No one's alone in the world. So remember.

• 20:07Trevor Noah?

  But no one's single as well?

• 20:08Speaker 01

  Well, you can have an assigned partner and not be romantically involved with them.

• 20:12Trevor Noah?

  So you can just make your assigned partner a friend?

• 20:14Speaker 01

  Some of it would be a friend. Cause some people struggle to make friends.

• 20:18Trevor Noah?

  Okay, wait.

• 20:18Speaker 01

  So I could, so imagine you're like, everyone has to have an assigned partner. And as long as you're both alive, you are contractually obliged to each other in some way.

• 20:27Trevor Noah?

  Okay, but what does that mean? What is?

• 20:28Speaker 01

  It could be, some people would be like, I want a husband. So I would make sure that person got a husband or a wife.

• 20:35Trevor Noah?

  And so they would be matched up with somebody who wanted the opposite? Okay, okay, okay, okay.

• 20:39Speaker 01

  And then some people would be like. I I never, I don't want a husband, I don't want someone in my house, but I want to know, but when I grow old, I'll have a companion. But I would prefer that person to be a woman. And then we'll be like, okay, we're gonna find you a best friend. And you would arrange it and you'd have to be together. And this is what I think it does. It solves our loneliness problem, because there's so many people that like die alone and live alone. But if you have an assigned partner, that side of your life is taken care of.

• 21:14Trevor Noah?

  I'm not mad at this idea. The only problem is I've read multiple studies that have said some of the loneliest people are those in a marriage.

• 21:27Speaker 01

  No, but it doesn't have to be a marriage.

• 21:29Trevor Noah?

  But what I'm saying is like, imagine having an assigned person who doesn't like you.

• 21:33Speaker 01

  No, but we would do our best to ensure it's like a good match.

• 21:36Trevor Noah?

  How do you, okay, so you're like using like algorithms and stuff.

• 21:39Speaker 01

  Algorithms, human wisdom, prayer, maybe.

• 21:45Speaker 01

  I'm just saying, it's just like, let's let's be clear. People make really bad choices picking their own assigned partner. So it's not like you can do it any better.

• 21:54Trevor Noah?

  This is true.

• 21:54Speaker 01

  Right? And I'm like, let's outsource that to some sort of government body. And mind you, in the government, it's in their interest for you to be happy, because happier people are more productive citizens. And they, there's less crime, there's less violence, et cetera, et cetera. No, you guys are not sold. I'm not looking your face.

• 22:12Trevor Noah?

  Well, I mean, my face is giving me away.

• 22:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:14Speaker 02

  Well, I think, uh, one thing to your point is I have to look it up, but I'm, it was like, they did a, this is a survey. But basically, they found that the divorce rate in arranged marriages when divorce was allowed and the divorce rate of love marriages was like pretty close.

• 22:31Speaker 01

  Oh, interesting.

• 22:31Speaker 02

  It was like, it was like not exactly the same, but it was like very close. So I do agree with your your thing of like, you are just as well off based off of your general personality and disposition of picking yourself as having someone pick for you, because happy people make happy couples.

• 22:49Trevor Noah?

  Yes, okay.

• 22:49Speaker 02

  My worry is that some people are like such proper like cat people that they're like, guys, I don't want a person. You don't understand. I only like alligators.

• 23:01Speaker 01

  But that person definitely needs a person. As somebody who's had like, family members who just like, isolate themselves from like the family for whatever reasons and you like, you don't know where they are, you don't know what they're doing, it's a big worry.

• 23:18Trevor Noah?

  So in your system, you'd like pair them up with somebody who likes to dress up as an alligator?

• 23:22Speaker 01

  Sure, if that's your thing. I don't kink shame, you see.

• 23:25Trevor Noah?

  No, no, I'm just saying, because we're trying to solve problems here.

• 23:27Speaker 02

  So, so I think in your scenario, you would have to align them with someone who was like so passionate about outreach and social work that they didn't mind just being a pen pal for maybe years until this person wanted to talk.

• 23:41Speaker 01

  Well, there are people like that.

• 23:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:43Speaker 01

  You know what I mean?

• 23:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, okay.

• 23:44Speaker 01

  I think it would, it'd be like, it wouldn't be like an opposites attract thing, because I think fundamentally, they'd have to be assigned someone that has the same value system as them.

• 23:53Trevor Noah?

  Okay, okay.

• 23:54Speaker 01

  Right, even though if they have a different personality. But it would just mean that you would always have a person.

• 24:00Trevor Noah?

  What if I kill my person?

• 24:02Speaker 01

  Okay, well.

• 24:03Trevor Noah?

  Do you give me another one?

• 24:06Speaker 01

  Well, the thing is, if you go to prison, you're gonna have lots of assigned people.

• 24:10Trevor Noah?

  Wow, okay. So my assignments follow me?

• 24:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 24:13Trevor Noah?

  Okay, I was just trying to figure out, like, okay.

• 24:15Speaker 01

  No, I feel, I feel like, I don't think it would become contentious. All human relationships have stuff, but it, I think it would do a lot of things for loneliness, because people get to a certain age and they just wake up, maybe they get widowed, or maybe they, you know.

• 24:28Trevor Noah?

  I hear, I hear, look, I think the sentiment behind it, like, most of our sentiments are right. I think it is a beautiful idea. The area where I think it falls short is this. I think that loneliness is always relative to what we perceive the, the other thing to be, okay? So, if you're on an island and there's only one other person on the island, you might find over some time, you're like, this is life and this is great, and you, you get what I'm saying. But if you, if you live in a world where there's like a thousand people and then you only know like one of them, you might still be lonely. Because you're like, oh, I wish I had more friends. I only have one friend. And I, so I think people would just make that the baseline. Now you'd become the loser in your basement. Oh, you probably only have an assigned friend.

• 25:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 25:09Trevor Noah?

  Oh, look at you. Oh, is that your wife? Is that an assigned wife? Oh, so you would. I think you'd still have the same loneliness. And I also think like on a societal level, this this also got to be a thing that like pushes us as humans a little bit. It's like, you know.

• 25:21Speaker 01

  That is the push.

• 25:22Trevor Noah?

  Ah, I don't think it's the push.

• 25:23Speaker 01

  Okay, so there's been all these, but every year we pick up the newspaper, we watch news and there's a story of somebody who has died in their apartment and has been there for years.

• 25:33Trevor Noah?

  Yes.

• 25:33Speaker 01

  And there's a smell coming from it and the neighbors are like, what's that? And then the police come and it's a skeleton. There's a the specific case, um, case of actually a black British woman and it's her skeleton.

• 25:43Trevor Noah?

  Right.

• 25:43Speaker 01

  Watching TV and it's like the apartment's stuck in time, right?

• 25:47Trevor Noah?

  Right, right, right.

• 25:48Speaker 01

  And I think about that happens so much in cities, all around the world.

• 25:50Trevor Noah?

  But I'm arguing, I agree with you. We've never heard that story happen in an African village.

• 25:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, but.

• 25:56Trevor Noah?

  I've never heard a story one time.

• 25:58Speaker 01

  You need to unassign people.

• 26:01Speaker 01

  You need less people in your business.

• 26:03Trevor Noah?

  No, so what I'm saying is, what I'm saying is, I argue the thing that you're pitching isn't the root cause of what's happening. I would argue you've ruled the world and you've thrown in like a way to like treat the symptom. But the real issue is just like us living isolated lives in our world, you know what I mean? It's like, I, I, I, that's why I say I love the sentiment, but I personally am going to vote no. Because I think you fixed it the wrong way in my opinion as a voter. And I think it's just gonna be like, it's just gonna be a different way to be lonely. And then some people, you know, there's a weird thing. I think some people might even feel more rejected when their assigned thing doesn't work out because like an algorithm said it's supposed to work out and then it didn't work out. And then imagine how much lonelier you would be.

• 26:44Trevor Noah?

  If you failed at the thing that was pre-chosen for you, that was supposed to be perfect. So I'm gonna vote no. That's my, that's, I love, I love the sentiment behind it. I, it's a beautiful idea, but it's a no.

• 26:56Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 26:57Speaker 02

  Before I, before I vote, I have one more question and one potential suggestion. One question, would you daisy chain the, the people? So like, let's say you have your person and then you're both like twenty eight and then your person, your assigned person passes. Do you get another person or are you like alone for the rest of life now?

• 27:16Speaker 01

  No, I feel like, I think the assigned person is sacred.

• 27:21Speaker 02

  Oh, okay.

• 27:23Trevor Noah?

  Oh, I'm gonna go back now and vote more no.

• 27:27Speaker 01

  Because I feel like knowing how human, you know, I have a very dismal view of human nature.

• 27:32Trevor Noah?

  Damn.

• 27:32Speaker 01

  I feel like, to Trevor's point somewhat.

• 27:34Trevor Noah?

  You just forced the soulmates on, you know, have you watched that Twin Flames documentary? You've just twin-flamed people. Have you seen that scam? Everyone who's just listened to this, go and watch escaping twin flames. And you will see what Christiana has just pitched to her, because she just said sacred. Your partner is sacred. This is the fundamental premise of twin flame scams. I'm more voting no.

• 27:57Speaker 02

  So, I am voting yes, but I have, I have a little tweak because I do think it would work better this way if you were already gonna implement it.

• 28:07Speaker 01

  I'm on board for the amendment, I just want the vote.

• 28:09Speaker 02

  I thi-

• 28:10Trevor Noah?

  Wow. This is the problem with politics today.

• 28:15Speaker 02

  I think that your assigned person has to be someone on a different part of the world than you. And I think that, uh, at some point, you each get a trip to see each other. So you can see each other as much as you want.

• 28:27Speaker 01

  So like cultural exchange?

• 28:29Speaker 02

  Cultural exchange, exactly. Because I think that you having a person in a place that you would probably never go and something you know nothing about, that's actually what like brings more humanity into it.

• 28:40Trevor Noah?

  What a terrible system.

• 28:41Speaker 02

  What?

• 28:42Trevor Noah?

  You guys are like ridiculously terrible.

• 28:44Speaker 02

  What?

• 28:45Trevor Noah?

  Your assigned partner is gonna be in another country?

• 28:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:47Trevor Noah?

  Now you can't afford to go see the one person who's assigned to you?

• 28:50Speaker 02

  No, but you get a trip.

• 28:52Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, one.

• 28:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:53Trevor Noah?

  Even worse.

• 28:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:54Trevor Noah?

  Here's what you could have had. Here's what you could have had if you could have fought flights.

• 28:57Speaker 02

  No one says you have to go back.

• 28:59Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, but what if you, you like, you're like, this person's perfect for me. And now you can't go, have you heard of visas just, this is American, this is what this is. Americans travel the world, not knowing how hard it is to travel the world. You whip out your passport, every country lets you in. If you came from any other country, you would never make that suggestion. Imagine meeting your assigned sacred partner, you fall for them. You're like, wow, this is the best person for me. And then the other country's like, you can't come in because you don't have a visa. And then what?

• 29:25Speaker 01

  But they are assigned partner, you wouldn't need visas.

• 29:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's what I'm saying. This is, this is her world where everyone has an assigned partner. So we don't have to worry about the borders in the same way over this.

• 29:35Trevor Noah?

  You guys are adding like a bunch of if I rules into one if I rules.

• 29:37Speaker 01

  No, it's just, no, it's amendments.

• 29:39Speaker 02

  She has the power to go ahead and make you the person.

• 29:41Trevor Noah?

  Vote, go ahead.

• 29:43Speaker 01

  He voted yes.

• 29:44Trevor Noah?

  You voted yes?

• 29:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:45Trevor Noah?

  Well, mine's still a no.

• 29:48Trevor Noah?

  The craziest, most ridiculous combination of ideas. Can I tell you something?

• 29:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:54Trevor Noah?

  This situation that you got, I would make a movie about this world. And my movie would be about somebody escaping this world. And I would call the movie Unassigned. That's what it would be. I could see the trailer now, be like, "In a world where everyone is forced to be with someone they don't know. Michael, come meet your assigned partner." "I gotta get out of here. I gotta get out of here." "The government locks everybody down. They tell you who you should be with." "I say hello to your little friend." "One woman decides to fight back." "I'm not gonna take this shit. I don't need to sign anything." "It's sacred, Mary. God damn it, you're sick."

• 30:39Trevor Noah?

  "One girl, get her, get her now." "Up against the odds, Mr. President, do we have permission to take her out?" "She's gonna shut it all down." "I hate this system."

• 30:51Trevor Noah?

  Unassigned. Coming to theaters soon. That's what I would make.

• 30:56Speaker 01

  I mean, I would watch it.

• 30:58Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, I would escape that world. I would watch it, but I would also wish I was in that world.

• 31:07Trevor Noah?

  Don't go anywhere, because we got more What Now after this. Some of the most interesting things you learn happen while you're doing something completely ordinary. Maybe you're cooking dinner or watching a history video. Maybe you're on a flight catching up on a long-form interview. Or maybe you're trying to figure out how to fix something in your house because apparently owning a screwdriver means you're an electrician now. But you see, that's one of the things I love about YouTube Premium. I travel a lot, so I download videos before a flight. That way, I'm not leaving my entertainment in the hands of airplane Wi-Fi. Yeah, I've made that mistake before. You think you're gonna watch something in 4K and suddenly everyone's face is pixels. But one of my favorite features is smart downloads.

• 31:52Trevor Noah?

  You see, YouTube Premium can automatically download recommended videos for you based on what you already watch. So sometimes I'll get on a plane, I look at my phone, I'm like, "Ah, I didn't download anything." And it's like, "No, YouTube already thought about this. They packed entertainment for me in my little lunchbox." And with background play, I can lock my phone, switch apps, and whatever I'm watching just keeps on going. So. If you like YouTube, you will love YouTube Premium. Sign up now for your free trial at youtube.com/premium. Terms apply. Cancel anytime. Thanksgiving is one of those meals where every dish carries a little more meaning, because the table is really about the people around it.

• 32:34Trevor Noah?

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• 33:17Trevor Noah?

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• 34:01Trevor Noah?

  Stream now, pay never.

• 34:11Trevor Noah?

  Okay. If I ruled the world,

• 34:16Trevor Noah?

  I would say we have no more politicians. They're gone. No more. No more presidents, no more senators, no more congresspeople, no more, none of them. I think it is a defunct position. I think we no longer need it. Because the reason we needed it before was because we didn't have like telephones and internet. So villages and communities needed to get a person to go to the central body to tell the people there what they needed. And because we, like we as the people, were like working on our farms and stuff, we couldn't all leave our stuff to go and tell the people what we need. So we'd send a representative, that's where the term comes from, a representative, to go and tell the other representatives what our neck of the woods needs. We no longer need this.

• 35:01Trevor Noah?

  Now, I know what you're thinking, you're saying, but then Trevor, this seems like a world of chaos. Who is making the rules, who is? I, in my world, the rules are now made by the people, for the people. And what would happen is, everybody would have a device, it is secure, don't worry, we've done the, we've done the work on this already, it's secure. And what you would do in your daily life is, you would pick the things that you want to be a certain way. So you would say like, oh, I think we should spend more money on roads and we should spend more money on books and education, teachers should get more salary, and no, I don't want more war. And I think we should also do this, and we shouldn't do that. And that's all you would do.

• 35:37Speaker 01

  Every day?

• 35:38Trevor Noah?

  No, no, no, no, no, no, no, you just do it when you want to do it. You don't even have to do it like in one go, essentially.

• 35:43Speaker 01

  Elections.

• 35:44Trevor Noah?

  But all of, let's put it this way, all of this information will be pertinent at the time that it needs to be pertinent. But it isn't on the fixed cycle that it is the way it is now in elections, because now this is arbitrary.

• 35:55Speaker 01

  So it's a referendum, which I hate because of Brexit.

• 35:57Trevor Noah?

  Wait, wait, wait, wait, it's not a referendum, because it's going into law. It's not a referendum, right? So instead of voting for a person who could not do the thing you say I must always point out. Many people get voted in and then do not do the thing that they say. You would vote. And then if most people have voted for free healthcare, there would now be free healthcare.

• 36:17Speaker 01

  But who would give the free healthcare?

• 36:18Trevor Noah?

  Bureaucrats.

• 36:20Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 36:20Trevor Noah?

  So bureaucrats still run what's happening. You need, because people who push paper, this is what you need. You need actuary, actuaries, and you need like accountants and you need, you need this world, right? And they're making the thing happen. They're executing what has come from the people. But there's no longer a leader who gets to take the thing that came from the people and then like make it about themselves and then not do it.

• 36:42Speaker 01

  How do you get to be a bureaucrat?

• 36:44Trevor Noah?

  No, no, it's just qualifications. Because all you're doing is working things out. It's like economists, accountants, engineers, scientists, that's what they do. It's your job. You, you don't have power. You just have to do what the people said.

• 36:55Speaker 01

  Bureaucracies have a lot of power.

• 36:58Trevor Noah?

  But not in this system. Because in this system, it has to be executed. It just has to be done. So let's say, let's say a community votes they want a, a park and they want the park to be funded with their taxes. Then they would vote on this. Everyone has their little app and they would vote on it and it would get passed as a measure. And then the bureaucrats just have to make it happen.

• 37:15Speaker 02

  So you're almost having like elections towards policies. Because it's.

• 37:20Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, there's no people involved.

• 37:21Speaker 02

  There's no people involved.

• 37:22Trevor Noah?

  There is no leader.

• 37:22Speaker 02

  There's no leader. It's just, do you want?

• 37:25Trevor Noah?

  There's no debates.

• 37:26Speaker 02

  Do you want access to this thing? Because the, the reason that I, that I worry about there not being debates is that I think there's a disconnect. And some of this is just how we live as people. But there's like a disconnect between when you get to the, um, uh, ballot box and how something is worded versus the points that people made before you got there.

• 37:48Trevor Noah?

  Okay, cool.

• 37:48Speaker 02

  And so there are sometimes things that are like intentionally vague. As in, like, they, they've, there've even been courts that had to throw out certain ballots before the vote because they were like, this is worded in a way to be confused.

• 38:01Trevor Noah?

  It becomes like, it becomes backward mumble, right? It's like a riddle almost.

• 38:05Speaker 02

  Exactly. So then how would you stop people who, let's say, don't want women to have like access to abortion? That's still a belief someone will hold. How do you stop them from using, whether it's the bureaucracy or their ballot?

• 38:20Trevor Noah?

  The great thing in this system is, in the same way you can use your phone today. To reiterate or to explain or to define, right? If you use any of like even basic, basic level AIs now, I'm not even talking about ones connected to the internet. Like a simple large language model, you can have that on device and it can just explain this to you. So it can say to you as Josh, hey, Josh, this is what this measure is. So you go as Josh, I do not think, because you've said this on the podcast and I see you've brought it up again. You don't want women to have a choice over their bodies.

• 38:53Trevor Noah?

  I see you brought it up again and so for you, Josh.

• 38:56Speaker 02

  That's not.

• 38:57Trevor Noah?

  For you, the thing would say to you as Josh, Josh, do you think that a woman should be allowed to make choices over her body medically? And then you would say yes or no based on that. But it would make the language as clear for you as possible.

• 39:14Speaker 01

  You, so you're letting a robot do that work like.

• 39:17Trevor Noah?

  What do you mean?

• 39:17Speaker 01

  That an AI would do the.

• 39:19Speaker 02

  The interpretation.

• 39:20Speaker 01

  In the interpretation.

• 39:21Trevor Noah?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll, I'll tell you why. Let me tell you why.

• 39:24Speaker 01

  AI is so, no.

• 39:25Trevor Noah?

  No, wait, wait, let me explain why.

• 39:26Speaker 01

  Okay, go for it.

• 39:27Trevor Noah?

  Let me explain why. So the first thing we have to do is separate types of AIs, right? There are some AIs that are very, they're, they're insular and then there are other AIs that are, that are not. So they're connected to things and they're in, no, no, no, this is locked in, it's insular. All it's doing is explaining. Does that make sense? It's not intelligent in that way. It is just, it's able to like rephrase the thing and explain it to you in a way. It could translate into your language. It could use, you know, words that you understand more than others. That's essentially what it's doing.

• 39:56Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 39:57Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 39:57Speaker 01

  So in, you're basically pitching direct democracies, like what the Greeks used to do, like, but a digital version.

• 40:06Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 40:07Speaker 01

  So that means everybody gets a say.

• 40:10Trevor Noah?

  Everybody gets a say.

• 40:11Speaker 01

  And it's easy to have a say.

• 40:12Trevor Noah?

  Yes.

• 40:12Speaker 01

  Okay, I don't like that. Everybody shouldn't get a say.

• 40:16Trevor Noah?

  Everybody shouldn't get a say.

• 40:17Speaker 01

  No, everybody should get a say.

• 40:19Trevor Noah?

  Huh.

• 40:20Speaker 01

  My other question is, is there still religious institutions?

• 40:22Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, we, it's in the world we're in.

• 40:24Speaker 01

  But so that means you still have leaders and politicians.

• 40:26Trevor Noah?

  No, no, no, no. I get what you're saying.

• 40:28Speaker 01

  Because you're, my worry is that.

• 40:32Speaker 01

  Humans are like inherently hierarchical and now we don't have politicians.

• 40:37Trevor Noah?

  Okay.

• 40:38Speaker 01

  They are gonna find other like people to do the thinking on their behalf. So it's either gonna be religious leaders.

• 40:48Trevor Noah?

  In my will probably be TikTokers.

• 40:51Speaker 01

  Okay, it's gonna be gonna be people who used to dance as a hobby, but now make bread.

• 40:58Trevor Noah?

  Amen. We all used to dance.

• 41:01Speaker 02

  I think, okay, so two two last questions on it, right? One is, um, is are you going to be voting all the way down to making distinctions about the spending? When we judge the spending, because we say we want free healthcare. Now someone has to decide out of the money that we do have, how much of the budget should leave other things to go to the.

• 41:23Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, right.

• 41:24Speaker 02

  Is that also gonna get a vote?

• 41:26Trevor Noah?

  No, because this is where I believe somebody who's good at numbers is better than somebody who's good at talking.

• 41:32Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 41:33Trevor Noah?

  And I think a lot of the time our issues in society come from the fact that politicians get involved in that. But what do they know about it?

• 41:39Speaker 02

  Mm hmm.

• 41:40Trevor Noah?

  Like, who are they to divide up a budget and be like, oh, we should send this much to defense?

• 41:44Speaker 01

  But are they getting advice from their bureaucrats?

• 41:46Trevor Noah?

  No, they're not, but they're not. We know that they're not. They're getting advice from lobbyists, they're getting advice from special interest groups, they're getting advice from like someone who's scratching their back. They're getting advice from the company they're gonna go to after they leave government. That's where they're getting the advice.

• 42:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:02Trevor Noah?

  So I'm, again, I'm not even saying my system is perfect. We will discover things we might need to tweak, but I'm saying. The current system is that humans who don't know numbers are saying what the number splits should be. Have you ever seen these stories where the American military has to like spend money, but like really fast? Just because they have excess money.

• 42:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 42:26Trevor Noah?

  Yeah, and they'll they'll they'll tell you these stories, they're like, they told us, they said, uh, we have to build something. And we were like, we don't need to build anything. And they said, we don't give a shit, build something. And so we build, we built, we built a warehouse in Afghanistan. And you're like, what is the warehouse for? They're like, we don't know, we just built it. But that's that's a system. That's not working correctly, right? Because you had an excess. Instead of building an empty warehouse in Afghanistan, you could have built like fifty schools, maybe even more. But you just had to finish that money because then that's how budget, you see, that's why I'm saying I would eliminate, those people are not involved in that.

• 42:54Speaker 01

  My, the issue I'm having is people vote against their own interests all the time.

• 43:00Trevor Noah?

  Yes.

• 43:01Speaker 01

  And they vote for things that are bad for them.

• 43:03Trevor Noah?

  Yes.

• 43:04Speaker 01

  And in history, the best politi-, not even politicians, the best leaders have gone against, like, say, Fred Hampton, R I P, gone against the status quo.

• 43:14Trevor Noah?

  Yes.

• 43:14Speaker 01

  The people were like, no way. Do you know, like, really deeply unpopular idea. And sometimes it's like, top down, this is what we're going to do, like, to give an example, like the Covid mandate, like, well, if you don't get this shot, you're not coming to work. And then people were like, oh, some people were like, okay, I'm gonna quit my job. But most people were like, all right, shoot me in the arm.

• 43:37Trevor Noah?

  Yeah.

• 43:37Speaker 01

  And then it, you know, kind of didn't eliminate, but this life-threatening virus slowly receded from society, even though it's still there, right? So the thing that we need about politicians is that they can push through unpopular things by force that people do not want, but we can take back that power, right?

• 44:02Trevor Noah?

  Yes, so now.

• 44:03Speaker 01

  And we can get rid of them.

• 44:04Trevor Noah?

  Yes.

• 44:04Speaker 01

  However, if I'm in a society where I'm in like a minority that knows that this will be better for us as a group.

• 44:12Trevor Noah?

  Yes.

• 44:13Speaker 01

  Let's think about gay marriage. It was like never a popular thing. People were like, no, no, no, no. And then the Supreme Court one day was like, oh, yeah, actually, why not? You know what I mean?

• 44:22Trevor Noah?

  But by the time that happened, the American population in general was not opposed to it.

• 44:29Speaker 01

  But there were enough.

• 44:30Trevor Noah?

  It was not contrarian when it was passed.

• 44:32Speaker 01

  But there were enough people that would still vote, no.

• 44:34Trevor Noah?

  And no, but not enough to win the vote. That's what I'm saying. On the app, on the app, they wouldn't have won the vote. That's what I'm trying to say. And and so I agree with you. I actually think sometimes, I don't think people vote in against their best interests, just like randomly. I think a lot of people vote against their best interests because they've been sold something that is different to what it is. So if we look at Fred Hampton as a good example, like, right, the leader of the Black Panther Organization. When he formed his Rainbow Coalition, what did he do there? He found a way to connect poor white people and poor black people and poor other colored people. And he was like, whatever race you are, if you're poor, we're putting you together in a group. And he said to these white people, I know you think that I'm a nigger. Forget that for now.

• 45:14Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 45:15Trevor Noah?

  Are your kids hungry? Yeah, well, their kids are also hungry. Is your house leaking? Their house is also leaking. Let's forget your racism for now. Let's just fix these issues. Let's band together and let's work on this, right?

• 45:26Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 45:26Trevor Noah?

  And what that shows you is that those people, once presented with an issue that solves their problem, don't vote against their best interests. But what politicians do is they get in the way of fixing things. So they say, you wanna vote for free healthcare? You know who's gonna use your free healthcare? The Mexicans. And then people are like, damn, we shouldn't vote for free healthcare. So I'm actually arguing, get the politicians out of the storytelling. Everyone just has it on their app. And when they're in the privacy of their own home with their own little device, talking to their own version of Siri, they just get to have a conversation.

• 46:00Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 46:00Trevor Noah?

  Where it goes like, and they go like, so where's the money going? And it's like, well, the pool and, or what are we spending? Well, your teachers need more money and this is, do you want them? And you can still vote no.

• 46:10Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 46:11Trevor Noah?

  But now, what you vote is what happens. There's no one who inflames tensions, there's no one who gives you a story around it.

• 46:18Speaker 01

  Well, that's where, that's my issue. Cause I think that you under, like politicians is just the name and the labor and the job.

• 46:24Trevor Noah?

  I know what you're saying.

• 46:25Speaker 01

  But humans are political animals.

• 46:26Trevor Noah?

  I hear what you're saying.

• 46:27Speaker 01

  And there's gonna be that person that's gonna go around, do the work.

• 46:30Trevor Noah?

  Yes.

• 46:31Speaker 01

  Go door to door.

• 46:31Trevor Noah?

  Yes.

• 46:32Speaker 01

  And say like, well, the machine is telling you this, but I know.

• 46:36Speaker 02

  Or they go straight to the machine, like Elon would just buy whatever the thing is.

• 46:40Trevor Noah?

  In my system, you can't do that, Josh.

• 46:41Speaker 01

  Why? There's money, it's capitalism.

• 46:43Trevor Noah?

  No, no, no, no, no, no.

• 46:43Speaker 01

  How are you gonna pay for all of this stuff?

• 46:45Trevor Noah?

  Cause I rule the world, that's how I'm doing it. You guys forgot that I rule the world? I said I ruled the world.

• 46:49Speaker 01

  Oh my gosh.

• 46:50Trevor Noah?

  You think I'm gonna need money if I rule the world?

• 46:52Speaker 01

  So there's no wealthy people in this society that can pervert this.

• 46:54Trevor Noah?

  No, but they can't buy this thing. Same way you can't just buy the election system. Like, no, in a functioning country, you cannot. You can't just buy it. You can't just be like, I'm buying election.

• 47:03Speaker 01

  Oh, one day I wanna buy an election, that's like one of my thoughts.

• 47:06Trevor Noah?

  What I mean is you can't just like buy election, it's not for sale is what my point is.

• 47:09Speaker 02

  Got you, got you.

• 47:10Trevor Noah?

  That's the thing, I'm not a tyrant. I'm not saying no stories, no narratives, no, no. The difference is though, let's use America as an example.

• 47:19Trevor Noah?

  In America, when you ask people about gun safety, overwhelmingly, I mean, the number moves, but like you find at some points it's like seventy-five percent to eighty percent of the American population agrees that there should be stricter regulations on certain types of weapons and who can hold them and who can sell them and who can buy them and what magazines and what, all of it. It doesn't get passed by the people that have been elected to represent the people. That for me makes no sense.

• 47:46Speaker 01

  But why don't you just ban lobbyists? Or like have less money in politics?

• 47:50Trevor Noah?

  No, because I still don't think it's, because I think this issue has long, it's like lived beyond lobbying and it's lived beyond, does that make sense?

• 47:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, one thing I agree with within that is that like even without the lobbyists, you, you can never underestimate the level of laziness that any given politician has. Like, there's all this stuff where politicians have let their aides read the entire bill, then describe it to them.

• 48:14Speaker 01

  People are lazy, we're giving them an app, some people made just sort of their kid for, oh, you go ahead, you vote for me.

• 48:19Trevor Noah?

  No, no, no, no, our thing has biometrics, you can't do that.

• 48:22Speaker 01

  Oh, so it's a surveillance technology?

• 48:25Trevor Noah?

  No, it's not, it's not surveillance, it's biometric, it's not bi, it's biometric.

• 48:28Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 48:29Trevor Noah?

  It's biometric, the same way.

• 48:31Speaker 01

  This is like some fucking dystopian shit.

• 48:33Trevor Noah?

  Wait, can I just say, can I just say?

• 48:34Speaker 01

  This is dystopian.

• 48:35Trevor Noah?

  I'm sorry, assigned, misassigned by force, you're telling me about dystopian?

• 48:39Speaker 01

  That is dystopian, I don't want to give the government my eyes.

• 48:42Trevor Noah?

  Okay, okay, does your phone, does your phone lock using your face?

• 48:45Speaker 01

  No!

• 48:45Trevor Noah?

  What is your phone lock using?

• 48:46Speaker 01

  A number, like a normal person.

• 48:48Trevor Noah?

  So your phone, no fingerprint, no nothing?

• 48:50Speaker 01

  You can get my phone right now.

• 48:51Trevor Noah?

  And your phone?

• 48:52Speaker 01

  I'm not taking, I'm not taking the mark of the beast.

• 48:57Trevor Noah?

  So then I'm saying to you, I'll give you a device that locks using a number, it's just biometrics. But I would know that it's you.

• 49:04Speaker 01

  Trevor, just paper, tick, let's make it simple.

• 49:08Trevor Noah?

  No, I'm making it the most simple, you don't have to go anywhere, you know, can I tell you what has the highest voting rates? American Idol, they never complain about low voter turnout.

• 49:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 49:17Trevor Noah?

  They've never once been like, nah, we couldn't get enough people to vote.

• 49:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, because it's like the same pool of people voting multiple times.

• 49:24Trevor Noah?

  But it's also because it's simple.

• 49:26Speaker 01

  But why should like, okay, I don't think voting should be hard because now I'm gonna sound like a gerrymandering like Republican, but we shouldn't make it too easy to vote.

• 49:33Trevor Noah?

  I think it should be too easy to vote.

• 49:34Speaker 01

  No, no, no, no.

• 49:34Trevor Noah?

  I think it should be completely easy because it is the will of the people.

• 49:38Speaker 02

  Okay, and my last question.

• 49:40Trevor Noah?

  Go ahead.

• 49:40Speaker 02

  Very last question, uh, because one thing that comes to mind is, uh, something that just happened in Australia a little while ago, where the, uh, First Nation people were basically trying to get a, uh, like a parliamentary advisor.

• 49:55Trevor Noah?

  Yeah.

• 49:55Speaker 01

  Recognition in the constitution or something like that.

• 49:57Speaker 02

  Recognition and, and basically because all of Australia had to vote for it, it got a no.

• 50:02Trevor Noah?

  Okay.

• 50:02Speaker 02

  Even though it polled well, obviously some of this is politicians and by the time people went there, they were like, wait, are they gonna lose their land if they get this? And so there was some confusion there, but this is something that will never see the light of day.

• 50:17Trevor Noah?

  Yes.

• 50:18Speaker 02

  As long as everybody gets a vote on it, people who really have no stake in it, and then the people with all of the stake in it, because they are such a minority of the group, they don't have the advocacy that shows the people who aren't affected by it how important it is.

• 50:34Trevor Noah?

  Right.

• 50:34Speaker 02

  So I'm not saying a politician, and not necessarily even a lobbyist, but if we're missing out on those people, do we miss the opportunities for, let's say we're in a country with more men than women.

• 50:44Trevor Noah?

  Yes, yes, yes, completely.

• 50:45Speaker 02

  I want women, Josh Johnson wants women to have reproductive rights, right? And so if more men are voting than women and men feel some type of way, or they're like, I don't care because it's not me.

• 50:56Trevor Noah?

  Completely.

• 50:57Speaker 02

  How, how do we fix that in your system?

• 50:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's bad for minority rights.

• 51:00Trevor Noah?

  So, you say this, you say this, Josh, and this is what I love about you, you have a beautiful, open heart, Josh Johnson, that's what I love about you. It truly is one of the things I love about you most. Contrary to popular belief, contrary to popular belief, and popular meaning Christian predominantly.

• 51:17Trevor Noah?

  Human beings are good and human beings are kind, right? And it may seem like that is not the case. But you do realize for most of the biggest movements and changes we've experienced in society, the group who is not affected, or at least thinks they're not affected, has voted for. White people had to vote to give black people the vote. In America, in South Africa, in many places, they're the, literally, they had to be like, yes, the black people. And in South Africa, think about how crazy it was. It was a minority as well. In America, you can be like, ah, they were like, wow, what's the worst that could happen? In South Africa, a group of people who are like, what, seven, eight percent maybe of the population, were like, we're gonna let ninety percent of the population vote and see what happens.

• 52:02Trevor Noah?

  They had to vote for that. When it came to women's voting rights, men were the ones who voted to let women vote. So I think we should not take for granted that human beings are a lot better and kinder than we think they are, because history is littered with examples of people voting even for people who aren't the majority and aren't the most. And to go back to what you said, there was confusion. People didn't know what it meant. They didn't know if they were actually disenfranchising the First Nations people. So in my system, it wouldn't do that. It would ask them a simple question, and they'd be able to get clarification, and then they would be able to vote on behalf of the people who do not have the majority, which is what I think most voting is anyway. And I think it would alleviate a lot of those problems. But humans have shown they have the capability to do it.

• 52:46Trevor Noah?

  So I've made my pitch. I'm ready to take the votes.

• 52:50Speaker 02

  Okay. I'm going to vote yes. Because even if we don't see the politician as a sum, a zero-sum good or evil, I do think that their ability to like, just not care, like, just be like, I'm chilling.

• 53:08Trevor Noah?

  Yes.

• 53:08Speaker 02

  Like, I represent these ideas, but like, guys, I don't really care what happens. I just wanna get elected again, so like, don't even make waves this time. I think if you're

• 53:16Trevor Noah?

  Preach.

• 53:17Speaker 02

  I think if you're missing that,

• 53:19Trevor Noah?

  Preach.

• 53:19Speaker 02

  then you, then you have a little bit more access to change quicker than the clip that we've seen.

• 53:25Trevor Noah?

  Preach.

• 53:26Speaker 01

  Um, I'm going to vote no, but not for the reasons that Trevor thinks. Not because I think human beings are so awful and terrible, even though I do think they are. But because I think that

• 53:39Speaker 01

  It's easy to get burnt out thinking like most people do not like to think about political choices all the time. That's why they outsource these decisions. And I think what would eventually happen, it would be a dictatorship. Like, people would be so burnt out, they're like, actually, I don't want to think about this ever again. Is there one person that can do for me? If it's a good outcome, it'd be a woman dictator, which we don't really get to see often, so.

• 54:02Trevor Noah?

  They would be more burnt out than the system we have now. Where people have to like see campaigns and go to a ballot station and listen to things and read things.

• 54:11Speaker 01

  One thing I believe about humans is that there are a lot of apolitical humans out there. Like, most people do not, they don't want to think about this.

• 54:17Trevor Noah?

  Politics, this is just issues.

• 54:19Speaker 01

  They, they don't even want to think about issues.

• 54:21Trevor Noah?

  Politics are what humans put on top of an issue. This is just an issue.

• 54:24Speaker 01

  I don't want a life with issues.

• 54:25Trevor Noah?

  But everyone handles issues.

• 54:26Speaker 01

  No, no, some people have good lives, Trevor.

• 54:29Trevor Noah?

  But even those people, even those people, if you say to them, should we build another opera house? They're like, yeah, I would like a say in this. So you're saying no because you think that people won't like it more.

• 54:39Speaker 01

  I think it sounds, it sounds really tiring, the system, and I just say that, like, parents are telling you, they're gonna be like, please, no.

• 54:46Trevor Noah?

  Wow.

• 54:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:48Trevor Noah?

  Well, I guess my vote doesn't go through because Christiana is tired.

• 54:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, I like that what we've.

• 54:59Trevor Noah?

  Imagine.

• 54:59Speaker 01

  Now's your chance to like defend me and be like, there's reason.

• 55:02Trevor Noah?

  I mean, she's just saying she's tired. And that's why she doesn't want to make the world a better place.

• 55:07Speaker 02

  No, no, here's my pitch, here's my pitch for what Christiana is saying, though. Is that I think that right now, we think that people are politically exhausted because of like candidates or ads or just like a system. I think that that, that level of engagement doesn't necessarily increase just because the quality of someone's life gets better. It's, it's why people stop taking their medicine. You ever see somebody who's sick and then they get prescribed the medicine and they're like, man, I feel great. I feel so good, I'm not gonna take my medicine.

• 55:37Trevor Noah?

  I mean, this is.

• 55:38Speaker 02

  That, that's kind of what I hear when, when Christiana's like making these points is that it's like, there's a level of apathy that we think we're solving with this, which we are.

• 55:47Trevor Noah?

  One amendment at you.

• 55:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:48Trevor Noah?

  We gamify it like Candy Crush. Candy Crush has never struggled with people. I've never seen anyone on the train be like, oh, another level. So I'm saying I'm gonna gamify it. I'll make it really entertaining, really cool.

• 55:59Speaker 01

  This is insane.

• 56:00Trevor Noah?

  No, you'll be playing.

• 56:01Speaker 01

  He's the joker.

• 56:02Trevor Noah?

  You'll be playing the game, you'll be playing the game. And then you'll be like, it'll be like exciting and it'll be like, it'll be like level four. And then I'll be like, in between level four, I'll be like, hey, do you wanna uh fund another school? And then it'll be like, you're like, yeah, we should fund another school. And then you go back, that's crazy, candy.

• 56:17Speaker 02

  It is, it is a little dystopia.

• 56:19Trevor Noah?

  People always have time for games, people, no one. Guys, the reason social media makes so much money, it's not because people are tired of being, people are tired of engaging, people are tired of engaging in boring things.

• 56:30Speaker 01

  I can't believe this.

• 56:31Trevor Noah?

  People are tired of engaging in boring things.

• 56:32Speaker 02

  I'm with you.

• 56:33Trevor Noah?

  Not even one person puts down their phone and goes like, oh, too much TikTok. Christiana, you're guilty of this.

• 56:38Speaker 01

  I know.

• 56:39Trevor Noah?

  You spend seven hours on your phone and you don't have 10 seconds to vote in my app. 10 seconds to vote in my app. Guys, I will make my voting system cutesy and demure.

• 56:48Speaker 02

  I'm with you, but now you're beholden to the attitude of somebody who is getting annoyed because they can't pass a certain level.

• 56:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:55Speaker 02

  And, and.

• 56:56Trevor Noah?

  No, I'm saying there's different gamifications, we'll find a way.

• 56:59Speaker 02

  I just think it's a little dystopia to be like, play for your rights.

• 57:03Speaker 01

  What the I, the.

• 57:03Trevor Noah?

  No, what I'm saying is we'll make it interesting.

• 57:06Speaker 01

  Was a dystopian.

• 57:07Trevor Noah?

  We'll make it interesting. You know what, if I ruled the world, I wouldn't ask you guys before I passed any laws. I should have said that. If I ruled the world, I would just do shit. That's what I would do. I would just do shit and we'd live in a better world. You guys could play your game. Well, anyway, thanks, thanks for coming. Thanks for joining us here. I need to, I need to go and reevaluate my views on democracy and, and the system. Josh, Christiana, as always, it was a pleasure.

• 57:41Trevor Noah?

  What Now with Trevor Noah is produced by Spotify Studios in partnership with Day Zero Productions. The show is executive produced by Trevor Noah, Sanaz Yamin, and Jodi Avigan. Our senior producer is Jess Hackle. Claire Slaughter is our producer. Music, mixing, and mastering by Hannes Brown. Thank you so much for listening. Join me next Thursday for another episode of What Now.

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