The Costco King w/ Tom Thakkar!

Are You Garbage presents stand up comedian and podcast host Tom Thakkar! You know Tom Thakkar from stand up comedy, You Hurt My Feelings Podcast, Stavvy's World, We Might Be Drunk, HoneyDew Podcast, Bein' Ian with Jordan, Stuff Island, OnlyFeehans, Conan, The Tonight Show, and so much more! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! Watch AMERICAN GARBAGE: https://youtu.be/77zGwlLffWk?si=6E9dBr63JY7HgP9t AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows NEW AYG MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Mogul Club: Head to https://www.mogul.com/GARBAGE and In less than 30 seconds, own part or all of a property! Promo Code: Garbage https://disclaimer.mogul.com Kikoff: Build credit fast and get your first month for just a dollar at https://getkikoff.com/garbage today. Thanks to Kikoff for sponsoring us! DraftKings: Download the DraftKings Sports app and use code AYG. New DraftKings customers can spend five and get two hundred in total bonuses paid within 21 days – includes all markets. GLD: New customers get 40% Off with code GARBAGE at https://GLD.com Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER, 1-800-MYRESET. Connecticut: call 888-789-7777, visit CCPG.org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Bet tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. 21+. Void in Canada. Event contract trading with DraftKings Predictions involves risk of loss. Availability varies. Predictions offer void in New York. Bet to get Bonus bets that expire in 7 days. Trade to get Predictions Dollars that expire in 1 year. $50 in rewards issued every 7 days via click to claim for 21 days. One non-withdrawable reward redeemable. Terms at dkng.co/audio. Limited time offer. Nationwide based on Sportsbook, Predictions, and Free-to-Play Sports Contest availability. Varies by State. Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00H. Foley?

  New York City, New York, this November 13th, we're doing some shows for the New York Comedy Festival at Gotham Comedy Club. These shows will sell out quick, so get them. It's stand-up with me and the big man, then we play a little AYG with the crowd. You seen the special, you seen the clips. Get your tickies and let's party.

• 0:16Speaker 01

  Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.

• 0:36H. Foley?

  Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?

• 0:42Speaker 02

  Hell yeah!

• 0:42H. Foley?

  It's that little show, we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out if they're to be classy.

• 0:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 0:47H. Foley?

  Or just a big old piece of trash.

• 0:48Speaker 02

  Trash, trash, trash!

• 0:49H. Foley?

  I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Toody's in a new addition. She got thrown out of a sippin' paint last night.

• 0:55Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 0:56H. Foley?

  Out of a skurfuffle over there. Alright.

• 1:02H. Foley?

  That was a win, right?

• 1:03Speaker 02

  I laughed at it.

• 1:04H. Foley?

  My co-host is coming in right next to me. He's the CEO of Are You Garbage. He's an international businessman, Father of the Year, King of the Burbs, King of the Boards, Kevin James Ryan, everybody.

• 1:14Speaker 02

  What up, gang? Shout out to you. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify. And the boys are climbing the frickin' charts.

• 1:23H. Foley?

  That is true.

• 1:24Speaker 02

  And obviously, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com/areyougarbage. You go over there, you get all that bonus content, gang.

• 1:30H. Foley?

  Yes, sir. And gang, we couldn't be more excited of our incredibly, and I mean incredibly, special guest. Back with us again today. I believe this is his third time on the program.

• 1:38Speaker 03

  Maybe his fourth.

• 1:39H. Foley?

  His family, legend, four.

• 1:40Speaker 03

  This might be four.

• 1:42H. Foley?

  Holy cow, look out. Ladies and gentlemen, he's got a brand new podcast, You Hurt My Feelings. One of our absolute favorite comedians out there working. Give it up for Mr. Tom Taccar.

• 1:51Speaker 03

  Wow, what an intro, buddy.

• 1:54H. Foley?

  Number two dad of the year, by the way.

• 1:55Speaker 03

  Thank you, I appreciate that, man. What an intro, buddy. Have you been taking classes? That was crazy.

• 2:00Speaker 02

  He sobered up a little bit.

• 2:02H. Foley?

  Sharp as a tack.

• 2:03Speaker 03

  Are you sober these days?

• 2:04H. Foley?

  I'm sober.

• 2:04Speaker 03

  You're looking great, buddy.

• 2:05H. Foley?

  Thank you, I appreciate it.

• 2:06Speaker 03

  I love the shirt. Something about you.

• 2:08Speaker 02

  You look great. Love this shirt. The thing, the one thing that's not you.

• 2:13H. Foley?

  Could've went to hair, the eyebrows.

• 2:15Speaker 03

  You're looking great. Are those new socks? Those are fucking nice.

• 2:18H. Foley?

  These are not new socks.

• 2:19Speaker 02

  Are those compression socks? Things are snapping back, big dog. Also, correction, this is your sixth appearance.

• 2:26Speaker 03

  Is that true?

• 2:27Speaker 02

  Geez.

• 2:28Speaker 03

  That seems, that's crazy.

• 2:29Speaker 02

  I think, right? Yeah. See, didn't correct. I'm looking at, I'm looking at six, one, two, three, four. You already have five.

• 2:34Speaker 03

  Must've been some reruns.

• 2:35H. Foley?

  This guy's trash.

• 2:36Speaker 02

  Sweep, sweep, bring it to car.

• 2:40H. Foley?

  One of those was remote.

• 2:41Speaker 02

  Also, for the not, for the, you know, for the new listeners that might've come on and not be familiar with Taccar.

• 2:46H. Foley?

  Go back.

• 2:47Speaker 02

  Go, go, listen.

• 2:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, go back.

• 2:48Speaker 02

  Go back. Tom was one of the guys, we didn't really know at the beginning. We've told this story before to the, to the old school homies and bozos, but we didn't really know in the beginning that he came in and we thought, we literally thought, we were like, he's gonna be corny, you know, like he's, we thought you were like, we're just like, we thought you were like regular Midwest dude. He is a one, if the show is built for anybody, it's built for fucking Tom Taccar.

• 3:09Speaker 03

  It is nice, like, sometimes, because you know you'll search your own name for shit. Like, sometimes just to look up a clip to submit for some shit that you're not gonna get. But I'll often find, like, I'll find, like, the Tom Taccar on AYG Reddit thread and people are so fucking nice on there, but they're always like, this guy's a true piece of shit.

• 3:29H. Foley?

  Welcome.

• 3:31H. Foley?

  It's so good. Really is, man. He kinda like changed the current of the, of the, of the game.

• 3:34Speaker 02

  He showed up, I think the first time he showed up and we, we started the show and then he leaned down and like, not even performative, leaned down and pulled out a Bud Light Lime Mariner.

• 3:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, I didn't know that it was filmed.

• 3:45Speaker 03

  In fact, I almost did it. If, if we had done 2:00 PM like we were gonna do before, I would've had a tall boy.

• 3:51H. Foley?

  I would've had a couple. Get here at 6:00 AM to keep you sober.

• 3:53Speaker 03

  I thought, I was like, they changed it so I wouldn't bring a big ass beer. They're worried about me.

• 3:57H. Foley?

  Well, fuck you guys, you came in with two Bloody Marys. And that helmet.

• 4:01Speaker 03

  Man, by the way, I leave for five seconds, you guys give Ian Fiden's gout? What the hell's happening out here?

• 4:06H. Foley?

  We didn't give him gout.

• 4:06Speaker 02

  That's Ian's zone.

• 4:07H. Foley?

  He's in his zone.

• 4:09Speaker 02

  Also, I love how you walked in, you're like, garage beer now? Like, that was the first thing.

• 4:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, because it was, bud. I remember, because I was like, am I gonna drink a Bud Light in the morning? I don't know.

• 4:16Speaker 02

  That used to just be a menagerie or whatever we were drinking at the time.

• 4:19H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 4:20Speaker 02

  Welcome back, baby.

• 4:21Speaker 03

  Thanks, baby boys. I'm great, dude.

• 4:23H. Foley?

  You're a new dad.

• 4:24Speaker 03

  New dad, baby boy is about to be almost a year old.

• 4:27H. Foley?

  Huh.

• 4:28Speaker 03

  Crazy stuff, living in LA, so he's gonna have to choose between Crips or Bloods, pretty soon. You gotta register him early.

• 4:34H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 4:35Speaker 02

  Take a preschool in Manhattan, we want him to get him into the good set.

• 4:38H. Foley?

  Get him into the right daycare.

• 4:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, but, uh...

• 4:41Speaker 02

  How's, the last time you were here, you just moved into the house. How's the house?

• 4:44Speaker 03

  The house is good.

• 4:45Speaker 02

  Brand new, I think.

• 4:46Speaker 03

  The house is good. It's a, you know, we were talking about, it's kind of a, it's a tough neighborhood. Like, we got...

• 4:50Speaker 02

  So the Bloods and Crips thing is real.

• 4:53Speaker 03

  It's a different style of things, but it's, you definitely hear helicopters quite a bit.

• 4:57Speaker 02

  Really?

• 4:58Speaker 03

  I had to, I had to re-download that Citizen app, because...

• 5:01H. Foley?

  That's, that's dangerous, man.

• 5:03Speaker 03

  I know. I have to, I delete it after every time I find the information I want.

• 5:06Speaker 02

  What are you looking for?

• 5:08Speaker 03

  Like, there was a helicopter down the block.

• 5:12Speaker 03

  There was a helicopter, like, at the end of my block for a while. I kept hearing them say shit. And I was like, I have my baby.

• 5:18H. Foley?

  Over the helicopter thing?

• 5:19Speaker 03

  I could hear them and they were saying, uh, come out, like, we see you or whatever.

• 5:23H. Foley?

  Tom Taccar.

• 5:24Speaker 03

  I was like, what do they know about me? Do they know that I, uh, I've been stealing soda from Chipotle? What the hell's happening?

• 5:31H. Foley?

  I use a water cup, I swear!

• 5:34Speaker 03

  It's soda water, that's basically water. But it was a guy who had been, like, assaulting people in the neighborhood in somebody's backyard and they just had him. And so I downloaded, I was like, what the hell's happening? I don't wanna go out there and see what's going on. And so I downloaded, I deleted immediately. And the comments are like, this neighborhood fucking sucks.

• 5:51H. Foley?

  Holy shit.

• 5:52Speaker 03

  Glad we're raising a boy here.

• 5:53H. Foley?

  I've seen the helicopter out there. I never heard though with a loudspeaker.

• 5:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:57H. Foley?

  That's gotta be frightening.

• 5:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, for sure.

• 5:59H. Foley?

  It's like in the middle of the night, like, the lights will pass over you.

• 6:02Speaker 03

  This was a cra- it was fucking noon. It was crazy.

• 6:04Speaker 02

  Up and at 'em.

• 6:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, this guy was shirtless. Yeah, yeah, he was a go-getter. That's, that's the thing. LA is so beautiful, you just wanna get out there, you know, the weather's so good.

• 6:12Speaker 02

  Attack the day, you know what I mean?

• 6:13H. Foley?

  Man, they catch you shirtless, you're in a lot of trouble.

• 6:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:17Speaker 02

  Yeah. One of the things, uh, we've been asking since, what is the thing you do that makes you feel classy? It might not have to be like expensive or like something when you maybe valet your car, or hey, I like getting this nice coffee or something. It doesn't have to be real hoity-toity.

• 6:34Speaker 03

  This is an embarrassing one, but it does make me feel hoity-toity. So I'm a big Costco guy now. Huge, so bad start, bad start, I know.

• 6:41Speaker 02

  Alright, we're down in the count. Did you buy a Costco maybe?

• 6:45H. Foley?

  I put in a tuxedo and asked for samples.

• 6:48Speaker 03

  I've put in the tires at Costco. I install them and it makes me feel, no, I buy, you know those, uh, those like eye masks that they have?

• 6:56Speaker 02

  Yes!

• 6:56Speaker 03

  They're by the register? Dude, I've been doing them. They make me feel so good.

• 7:00Speaker 02

  That's, dude, that's, that makes, that's kinda where the question originally, that makes me feel nice, too.

• 7:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's, it's the littlest thing you can do. It's such a fucking hail mary of like, maybe this'll fix me, I don't know. But like, after a night of drinking.

• 7:13Speaker 02

  Drinking and smoking.

• 7:14Speaker 03

  Dude, that's exactly it. But it's like, my Costco card is all over the fucking map. I bought the protein Doritos over there. Have you had the protein? Do you know what those are?

• 7:23H. Foley?

  The NKDs?

• 7:24Speaker 03

  Yes. No, no, no, no, the, these are different, actually. The NKDs are for like, I think anti-GMO people. Yes, it's naked, Foley.

• 7:32H. Foley?

  That's what it means.

• 7:33Speaker 02

  Let me see the tits on this thing.

• 7:34Speaker 03

  NKD.

• 7:35H. Foley?

  NKD, naked.

• 7:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:37Speaker 03

  It's true.

• 7:37Speaker 02

  I think he's talking about the Quest chips, though.

• 7:39Speaker 03

  No, these are, these are Doritos.

• 7:41Speaker 02

  I have seen them. Let me see if I get a...

• 7:42H. Foley?

  Those Quest chips, steak. I like a popcorner, though.

• 7:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, me too.

• 7:47Speaker 02

  Protein Doritos, yeah.

• 7:48Speaker 03

  Yep, that's them, yeah.

• 7:49Speaker 02

  Right there it is.

• 7:50Speaker 03

  That's my guy. Yeah, I was like, I've, I've been seeing him for years. Yeah, I go into the gym, just crumbs all over my shit.

• 7:58H. Foley?

  What do you guys got, whey protein?

• 8:00Speaker 03

  Don't worry, trainer, I'm ready to go.

• 8:02Speaker 02

  Slapping his arms. They got the nacho cheese, it recreates the classic cheesy profile with lower carbs and higher protein.

• 8:09H. Foley?

  Are they bad?

• 8:10Speaker 03

  You know, when you're used to eating bullshit, like diet food, it's pretty good. It's how like you get used, now people prefer Diet Coca-Cola, but it's like, when you get used to that, you're like, this is pretty fucking good for something that tastes like shit.

• 8:22H. Foley?

  I've gotten to the point now, sometimes where I can't tell if it's diet or regular coke.

• 8:26Speaker 02

  That's crazy.

• 8:27H. Foley?

  Until you have a regular coke, and then you know what's up.

• 8:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:30Speaker 02

  Doritos have the NKD.

• 8:31Speaker 03

  They do have those. Yeah, it's both. But, yeah, my flavor profile is because I've been, I gained a bunch of weight when I moved to LA and I've been trying to lose it. And so I got rid of all the good snacks in my house, so now my flavors are all fucked up. And I ended up in this situation, I, I just remembered this and I was like, I can't wait to tell you guys about it. I was in Minneapolis doing this club, Sis of his Brewery.

• 8:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:52H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 8:53Speaker 03

  And I hadn't eaten all day. I'm leaving the bar to go to another bar and I was like, you gotta go to another bar.

• 9:00H. Foley?

  That was a trashy statement. We gotta bar to go to another bar.

• 9:04Speaker 03

  We gotta get the fuck out of here. There's another bar over here.

• 9:06Speaker 02

  They're serving colder beers down the street.

• 9:08Speaker 03

  We're late to the other bar. Um, as I'm walking out, I haven't eaten all day, I'm starving. I see that they have, uh, beef jerky, just sitting there to take, like, they have samples of beef jerky. I was like, this is fucking perfect. So I grabbed like three little bags of these. And I, it's kinda dark in there, I don't notice, I get in the car, I'm eating this jerky, I'm like, this jerky tastes like fucking shit, man. It's the worst jerky ever, it must be vegan or something. And the next night, I'm back at the club and I notice the beef jerky's still there. And I notice there's a bowl of water underneath it.

• 9:37Speaker 02

  They're dog treats.

• 9:38Speaker 03

  Fucking dog treats. I ate two bags of dog treats.

• 9:41Speaker 02

  I love how you ate the second one, too. Weren't deterred by the person, like, let's see if maybe the next bar has beef jerky.

• 9:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 9:48H. Foley?

  Chewing deer antlers up front?

• 9:49Speaker 03

  I didn't notice there was a dog on the package, but it's small and it has like sunglasses. I was like, this is a cool, cutting-edge company.

• 9:56Speaker 02

  This is a cool help they got.

• 9:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, I eat dog beef.

• 9:59H. Foley?

  What do you have on your countertop in the house?

• 10:03Speaker 03

  You mean like appliances?

• 10:04Speaker 02

  What appliances, small appliances live there?

• 10:06Speaker 03

  Okay, so we have a, uh, we have an air fryer.

• 10:08Speaker 02

  Classic.

• 10:09H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 10:09Speaker 03

  Uh.

• 10:10Speaker 02

  How big would you say the air fryer is?

• 10:11Speaker 03

  It's about, uh, yeah, two, about a foot, I'd say, you know?

• 10:15Speaker 02

  It's a good size.

• 10:16H. Foley?

  Hold on a second.

• 10:16Speaker 03

  Foot long, foot deep.

• 10:18H. Foley?

  Before you go through this, now, just so you know, that the cleaner the countertop, the less things, the classier it is.

• 10:24Speaker 03

  I understand. This is not a clean.

• 10:26H. Foley?

  Kippy, what do you think the total number?

• 10:29Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 10:29H. Foley?

  Would you say over five?

• 10:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:31H. Foley?

  Over five appliances?

• 10:32Speaker 02

  I would say, I was, that's probably a real good over under. I would say, I put you a smidge, and I'm gonna say this because he's got the baby. There's, there's a lot of stuff comes with that.

• 10:40H. Foley?

  Sure, I'll give you that. I'll give you that.

• 10:41Speaker 02

  You got the blender, you're, you're doing a bunch of shit you typically wouldn't be doing.

• 10:46Speaker 03

  That's true. I'm trying to scope it out, cause it's possible I'm missing some. But we got, we don't have a regular toaster anymore. That broke. That's out the fucking window.

• 10:53H. Foley?

  Was it a toaster oven or toaster?

• 10:54Speaker 03

  It was just a toaster. But now, now the air fryer is also a toaster oven. We got a combo. So if you count the combo, we got like four appliances in one. We got a steel on our hands, baby.

• 11:03Speaker 02

  Three easy payments. Those nineteen ninety nine.

• 11:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, we're in the hole.

• 11:06H. Foley?

  Those air fryers do everything.

• 11:07Speaker 03

  They really do.

• 11:08H. Foley?

  Throw everything in.

• 11:08Speaker 03

  Stress me out.

• 11:09H. Foley?

  Put a sock in there.

• 11:10Speaker 02

  Which stresses you out?

• 11:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's too much shit. It's doing too much. And I just use the oven. My wife uses the air fryer. But, uh, we got that. We have a, a water heater. Um, you know what I'm talking about, with the, for tea or whatever?

• 11:23Speaker 02

  Oh, a kettle. A kettle. A water heater is crazy, dude. I was like, I was like, dude, they?

• 11:28Speaker 03

  We got the HVAC up there.

• 11:30Speaker 02

  Got a cooling system right there.

• 11:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm not a handy guy. I forgot to disable the water.

• 11:37H. Foley?

  Why do you, you don't have a kettle on the stove?

• 11:39Speaker 03

  We both, we have both. My wife likes the quick one. Yeah, we got the electric kettle, but we also have the kettle on the stove for some reason.

• 11:45H. Foley?

  Is she a big tea drinker?

• 11:47Speaker 03

  I'm not. My wife is.

• 11:48H. Foley?

  Your wife is?

• 11:48Speaker 03

  I may be a hot toddy.

• 11:50Speaker 02

  Pull a little booze in there.

• 11:53H. Foley?

  New Year's Day, huh?

• 11:54Speaker 02

  Do you do, is it the clear one or is it like a, can you see them? It's metal.

• 11:58Speaker 03

  It's, it's steel.

• 11:59Speaker 02

  Stainless steel.

• 12:00H. Foley?

  All right.

• 12:00Speaker 03

  It's stained.

• 12:01Speaker 02

  No, no.

• 12:02Speaker 03

  We bought stained steel.

• 12:03H. Foley?

  You got the kettle?

• 12:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, we got the kettle. Got the air fryer. Sometimes we do have a blender up there. Big old blender.

• 12:10H. Foley?

  Four?

• 12:10Speaker 02

  Margarita Mondays.

• 12:12Speaker 03

  Well, my wife will get in the mood. We were purifying like baby food stuff. That's one. Uh.

• 12:18Speaker 02

  With Doritos.

• 12:19Speaker 03

  We have the microwave, but that's above the stove. So not sitting on the countertop.

• 12:23H. Foley?

  All right.

• 12:23Speaker 02

  Classy.

• 12:24H. Foley?

  Is that recessed?

• 12:26Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 12:26H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 12:28Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 12:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, it'd be wild if it was just shutting out.

• 12:31Speaker 03

  It's recessed.

• 12:32H. Foley?

  So it's in a spot for itself?

• 12:33Speaker 03

  It's, it's a set place for a microwave. That is correct. Um.

• 12:37Speaker 02

  Did that come with the house or did you have to buy it?

• 12:39Speaker 03

  It came with the house.

• 12:40Speaker 02

  Yeah. The motherfucker when I bought my house, they took it.

• 12:43Speaker 03

  Oh, what the fuck?

• 12:44Speaker 02

  It took me, it took me like, it took me like ten days to be like, what is missing here?

• 12:50Speaker 02

  My wife's like, the microwave. I'm like, oh shit.

• 12:52Speaker 03

  It's a big asshole. Yeah. Yeah, we didn't, ours didn't come with a fridge or, uh, they took the fridge and I was like, yeah, I guess we'll get a new fridge or whatever. But it like,

• 12:59H. Foley?

  That's weird.

• 13:00Speaker 03

  It's a pain in the ass. And then, uh, washer trier. Dude, this is, they have baseboards in the little, like recess where our washer trier goes. It's like, one of those things where they did a rush job on, you know, making it look nice.

• 13:13H. Foley?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 13:14Speaker 03

  But they put baseboards down and the guys who installed the washer trier just jammed them in, but they don't fit. And so they're uneven. We just left them like that for four years. Pretty good.

• 13:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:23Speaker 03

  What are you gonna do? Uh, other stuff on the countertop. Oh, we have, uh, an espresso.

• 13:29Speaker 02

  Classy.

• 13:29H. Foley?

  Gentlemen, all right.

• 13:31Speaker 03

  Espresso. And then we have, uh,

• 13:34H. Foley?

  An espresso machine?

• 13:35Speaker 03

  Yeah. And which we don't use. It's just sitting there.

• 13:38Speaker 02

  Is it a Keurig or like a coffee pot machine?

• 13:40Speaker 03

  So we have a, a Keurig that's like, wait, do we also, we also have a single Keurig. We have like four coffeemakers.

• 13:46Speaker 02

  Starbucks?

• 13:47Speaker 03

  You know what? This is where it all went to shit. This is where all, I was like, we're actually pretty clean. I was like, yeah, we have four fucking things in the corner that are kind of taking up a lot of space over there.

• 13:55Speaker 02

  Well dude, once you lose that corner, it goes quick. You know what I mean? You're like, oh, just shove it. Like things, and the next thing you know, you're just like five things deep off the wall.

• 14:03H. Foley?

  Is everything plugged in?

• 14:05Speaker 03

  There's not enough plugs for everything to plug in.

• 14:07Speaker 02

  I'm fighting the same battle, dude. It sucks.

• 14:09H. Foley?

  It's so trashy.

• 14:10Speaker 02

  It sucks.

• 14:11Speaker 03

  And if we plug too many of them at the same time, the breaker fucking goes off.

• 14:15H. Foley?

  Where's the breaker, uh, box?

• 14:16Speaker 03

  It's, uh, it's around the like side of the garage. So I gotta run out there and flip it. And there's a big ass bush that I gotta lean over.

• 14:24H. Foley?

  Outside?

• 14:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's outside. Is that weird?

• 14:26H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 14:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's outside. It's covered.

• 14:29H. Foley?

  That's crazy. I guess, I don't, well, I don't know. No.

• 14:33Speaker 02

  Well, there's no basements. I mean, mine's in the basement.

• 14:35Speaker 03

  We have a garage it could go in, but it's out there.

• 14:38Speaker 02

  That might be normal for LA though. I don't know.

• 14:40H. Foley?

  So somebody could come to the side of your house and just turn your lights off.

• 14:43Speaker 03

  You know, I never thought about that. They could, yeah. Yeah, you could. If you wanted to just come turn all my shit off, you could. And I live in, uh,

• 14:51H. Foley?

  That's crazy.

• 14:52Speaker 02

  I think like LA, it's like emergency access for like firefighters. They might need to access it. Yeah. Or like building codes.

• 14:58Speaker 03

  Yeah. That's, that makes sense. But yeah, it's, I never thought about that. Somebody could just fuck my shit up.

• 15:05Speaker 02

  God damn it.

• 15:06Speaker 03

  They could ruin my damn Spider-Man save.

• 15:08H. Foley?

  Find espresso!

• 15:09Speaker 02

  Wow, okay. Huh, that's a lot. I mean, I think that was like nine or ten.

• 15:14Speaker 03

  The guy, I really thought it was gonna be three when I started. I forgot about all those coffee things.

• 15:18H. Foley?

  You got the Nespresso though. That's very, who does that?

• 15:22Speaker 03

  My wife is the Nespresso. I'm a cold brew through and through guy all year.

• 15:26Speaker 02

  Where do you get the cold brew?

• 15:26Speaker 03

  I get it off of amazon.com. From, uh, I get the like bottled cold brews.

• 15:31Speaker 02

  That's classy.

• 15:31Speaker 03

  You think?

• 15:32H. Foley?

  No, no, no. What are you doing to us all?

• 15:33Speaker 03

  They're like the,

• 15:34Speaker 02

  Let me see if I can find it.

• 15:35Speaker 03

  So I, there's a Starbucks one. There's a Starbucks ice coffee one.

• 15:38H. Foley?

  Is it a concentrate?

• 15:39Speaker 03

  Not a concentrate. I don't fuck with those anymore.

• 15:42Speaker 02

  Let me know when you get. Let's see.

• 15:43Speaker 03

  Yeah. If you go to Amazon, search cold brew. It's not, oh wait, it's, it's those Starbucks right there. That's one of them that I get.

• 15:51H. Foley?

  All right, okay.

• 15:52Speaker 02

  That's very classy.

• 15:53Speaker 03

  Look at how cheap it is though. It's, it's way less than you'd think it would be.

• 15:56Speaker 02

  I don't know. Four ninety-nine for forty-eight ounces?

• 15:59Speaker 03

  Forty-eight ounces.

• 16:00Speaker 02

  It comes like a dollar, a do, you know, what?

• 16:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:02H. Foley?

  You putting ice in there?

• 16:03Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 16:04H. Foley?

  Now, what kind of ice are we working with? You got just the trays?

• 16:06Speaker 03

  Freezer, uh, makes the ice in the big ass thing.

• 16:09Speaker 02

  Classy.

• 16:10Speaker 03

  Oh, I, they, yeah, they're the, they're little cubes.

• 16:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:13H. Foley?

  Cubes?

• 16:13Speaker 03

  They're not crescents. They're just, they're just cubes. In a big old bucket.

• 16:17H. Foley?

  All right.

• 16:18Speaker 03

  I got buckets and cubes.

• 16:19Speaker 02

  Big old bucket.

• 16:20H. Foley?

  Do you have a little spoon in, you have a little shovel in there?

• 16:22Speaker 03

  I didn't ever think of people doing that. I go by the hand.

• 16:25Speaker 02

  Yeah. If it's your house, you go by the hand.

• 16:27Speaker 03

  You come to my house, you're gonna, you're gonna get a little hand ice. All right?

• 16:31H. Foley?

  I respect it.

• 16:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, I should probably put a spoon down there. I stayed with a, an actual classy person last time I was in New York and they had the spoon. And I was like, oh yeah. Never even thought of that.

• 16:41Speaker 02

  Not at the house. I mean,

• 16:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:44Speaker 02

  If you're coming over and you're drinking, I guess, maybe.

• 16:46Speaker 03

  Cause we don't have it on the fridge where it comes out. You have to touch it.

• 16:50Speaker 02

  I don't have it either. I guess I would go in with the cup and try, if it was like,

• 16:53Speaker 03

  That's one way to do it.

• 16:54Speaker 02

  Somebody outside of my family.

• 16:55H. Foley?

  Oh yeah, the cup. The cup.

• 16:56Speaker 03

  I'll do that sometime. When I'm making somebody a cocktail, sometimes I'll scoop. Yeah.

• 16:59Speaker 02

  But why, why is it the ice in the cocktail? You're just like, I, I, if I, anybody was making me a drink at the house, yeah.

• 17:05Speaker 03

  Killing all the germs.

• 17:06H. Foley?

  Let me ask you this.

• 17:07Speaker 02

  Now, why am I so sick?

• 17:10H. Foley?

  Let me ask you this. You're at a party, okay? You got the cooler with the beers, sodas, all that stuff in there. Would you use that ice to make a drink?

• 17:20Speaker 03

  Yes, I have. Yeah. Uh, it's desperate times. Call for desperate measures.

• 17:24H. Foley?

  They don't separate that. They don't give you a fresh thing of ice.

• 17:27Speaker 03

  It's, it's hard. Well, it's like, I'll have the cooler. I can only have so much ice in the cooler. And then I can only have so much in my freezer. And if I have, sometimes we'll have big parties at my house. There'll be seventy people or something.

• 17:37Speaker 02

  Seventy people?

• 17:38Speaker 03

  It's been a while, but that, we have done that. Like before the July, it's too many people. We can't really do that anymore. But right before my baby was born, we had, yeah, like seventy people at the house.

• 17:46H. Foley?

  You throwing blowouts?

• 17:47Speaker 02

  That's sick.

• 17:49Speaker 03

  It was fun. We can't really do it anymore. But we, I bought, that's what I, when I was in New York, I would host these crazy parties all the time that were like that.

• 17:56H. Foley?

  Seventy people?

• 17:57Speaker 03

  You just send out the invites and then I would cook, you know, a million hamburgers and hot dogs and shit, you know?

• 18:03Speaker 02

  Sick.

• 18:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was a good time.

• 18:05H. Foley?

  It's like a fucking wedding.

• 18:06Speaker 02

  I would love to go to George's. A car bash.

• 18:09Speaker 03

  Filter in and out, you know? It's, it's also LA, so people come for like an hour and a half and then they're like, I gotta get back to my dog, you know? Everybody's got a goddamn dog they gotta get back to. Yep. And it's like, they gotta go somewhere else. And it's like, people only ever do maybe two things in LA, cause the traffic's too brutal.

• 18:26Speaker 02

  That makes sense.

• 18:27H. Foley?

  Man.

• 18:27Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 18:28H. Foley?

  Throwing bashes.

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• 22:21Speaker 02

  What do you like? It could be any, you know, not even classy. I mean, it could be a beer. It could be something around the house, something for the baby, something for travel.

• 22:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's the Dr. Pepper Zero with the cream soda. That's the number one product I recommend.

• 22:38Speaker 02

  You are John consumer, dude. It's crazy. You are like just Johnny America. Wait, what is it?

• 22:45Speaker 03

  Dr. Pepper Zero Plus Cream Soda is one of the best things that anybody... We gotta get these scientists to cure cancer, man. The stuff they're doing in the lab, they're like the same as Taco Bell where it's like, that is the one.

• 22:58Speaker 02

  I've never even seen that.

• 22:59Speaker 03

  You've never seen it? You gotta get in there.

• 23:01H. Foley?

  Strawberry, that's good too.

• 23:02Speaker 03

  Strawberry's good. They have, I think, a blackberry one that's pretty good too. This cream soda one, I've changed a lot of people's lives handing them one of those cans.

• 23:11H. Foley?

  Yeah. Dr. Pepper's really, really...

• 23:13Speaker 03

  Dr. Pepper is sneakily innovating in ways that nobody can touch.

• 23:19H. Foley?

  Speaking of which, my Pepsi. Big fan of Pepsi.

• 23:23Speaker 03

  You're a big Pepsi guy?

• 23:24H. Foley?

  Big Pepsi guy. Has just lost another war. Kentucky Fried Chicken has switched over from Pepsi to Coca-Cola.

• 23:32Speaker 03

  That's a big L. Aren't Yum! Brands in them? They're like connected, I thought?

• 23:37Speaker 02

  Is Yum! a Pepsi co? I don't know.

• 23:40Speaker 03

  That's tough, man. I will say Pepsi gets so much shit and this is my thing. I think obviously Coke is better. I think obviously, but sometimes I want a Pepsi.

• 23:50H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 23:50Speaker 03

  Taco Bell has Pepsi.

• 23:52H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 23:53Speaker 03

  And I am a big...

• 23:54H. Foley?

  They can't let go. If they let go, it's done.

• 23:56Speaker 03

  Then it's over. You might as well get RC Cola in the mix. Who cares?

• 23:59H. Foley?

  I like that.

• 23:59Speaker 03

  RC's not bad, but sometimes you want a fucking Diet Pepsi. It's so good.

• 24:03Speaker 02

  I gotta be honest here, and this is nuts, but we've been on the last handful of like diners and restaurants we went to. It's been...

• 24:11H. Foley?

  That's funny you mention that.

• 24:12Speaker 02

  It's been, I think I might go Fountain Pepsi. I prefer...

• 24:17Speaker 03

  Over Coke?

• 24:18Speaker 02

  Over Coke. I love a Coke can. I love a Coke bottle. I love a Diet Coke can, Diet Coke bottle. I'll never buy a can of Pepsi, but I like, I think I prefer, it's just that it's got, it's that little bit more syrup. It's a little bit sweeter.

• 24:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's a little sweeter. It's true. And that's what I mean. That's Taco Bell. I'll get the Pepsi Zero or Diet Pepsi, whatever it comes with, and it's, it hits so hard.

• 24:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:39Speaker 03

  It hits so hard.

• 24:39H. Foley?

  I've noticed this more and more.

• 24:41Speaker 02

  Put that on record.

• 24:41H. Foley?

  You're right about that. Is that where we've been or what?

• 24:44Speaker 02

  I don't know. The last 10 places I went to were like Diet Pepsi and I went, please.

• 24:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, hit me with it.

• 24:49Speaker 02

  Hit me with it.

• 24:50Speaker 03

  Pizza Hut was a Diet Pepsi too, wasn't it?

• 24:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think they were Coke though, right? They had the big red cups.

• 24:55H. Foley?

  Oh, yeah, they did.

• 24:56Speaker 03

  But I don't think those red cups were Coke though. I think, maybe they switched. Yeah, they were indicative of Pizza Hut.

• 25:02Speaker 02

  They do Pepsi products.

• 25:03Speaker 03

  Yeah. Yeah, cuz I remember, I think that's the first place I had Pepsi. Oh, it takes me back. All the memories.

• 25:11H. Foley?

  Summer of 91. Tony Hawk was doing 720s. Having a Pepsi for the first time.

• 25:18Speaker 02

  That's all right. Okay.

• 25:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, cuz that's, that's the one. I think that's the right answer for product cuz it came right off the dome and I think...

• 25:26Speaker 02

  I was thinking about how quick that, like, cuz like, that's a hard question. That's a very open-ended question. Not have you ever done this or have you ever, like, what do you...

• 25:33Speaker 03

  And I'm a big product, I'm a huge consumer. I told you, I go to Costco, like, I go to Costco like three times a week. I fucking love it.

• 25:39Speaker 02

  What are you doing at Costco?

• 25:40Speaker 03

  I get one thing.

• 25:42H. Foley?

  Are you serious?

• 25:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, I go to Costco.

• 25:44H. Foley?

  Aren't the lines obscenely long for one thing?

• 25:46Speaker 03

  They move fast. They know what they're doing over there.

• 25:50Speaker 03

  I take the baby cuz it's so hot in LA. Sometimes me and him will just go to Costco and eat samples and hang out.

• 25:55Speaker 02

  That's sick. That's sick, dude.

• 25:58Speaker 03

  I never told anybody that.

• 26:01Speaker 02

  Don't tell child to protect his services.

• 26:02Speaker 03

  Don't tell my wife.

• 26:03H. Foley?

  You watch one of those big ass TVs, sitting in a lawn chair. It's almost like it's their own living room, huh, big guy?

• 26:09Speaker 02

  That's cuz you need something to do with the baby.

• 26:11Speaker 03

  You do and it's so hot.

• 26:12Speaker 02

  We go to the mall, you walk around, you gotta walk around.

• 26:14Speaker 03

  The zoo's too hot, so it's like, we go to the zoo a couple times.

• 26:17Speaker 02

  It's the zoo where Costco and it's...

• 26:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, my wife got us like a museum pass. I was like, we're gonna go to Costco.

• 26:23H. Foley?

  Yeah, that's crazy.

• 26:24Speaker 03

  That's my museum. They got new stuff all the time.

• 26:27Speaker 02

  Sure. What, um, that's good. What staples do you always get at Costco? Cuz I'm not, I'm not a Costco guy. They did, they weren't, we were a Sam's Club growing up.

• 26:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, we had Sam's Club too. I didn't realize it was the same thing basically until I got the membership to Costco. I still prefer, I don't know why I prefer Costco. There is something to it. Maybe it's just that it's what I've got, but I remember being depressed in Sam's Club a little bit. Cuz it's always, when you're a kid, it's way too much shit. Like, everything's in such bulk.

• 26:57Speaker 02

  And it's so high and stuff. You're just like, you feel like you're in a factory.

• 27:00H. Foley?

  I tried to become a Costco guy. Just didn't take.

• 27:03Speaker 03

  I think it's harder out here cuz like, you need, there's not enough room in Ian's basement for the shit you're gonna buy.

• 27:12Speaker 02

  Is that me or is that a lot of Swedish meatballs? You're on a bed of Swedish meatballs.

• 27:18H. Foley?

  Take some cheese, please.

• 27:20Speaker 02

  I got nothing.

• 27:23H. Foley?

  I got a bag of Baby Bell cheese. I got trash bag.

• 27:26Speaker 02

  Be losing money not to get this much.

• 27:28H. Foley?

  It's crazy. You go into Costco and you grab something and then there's, there's six more attached to it.

• 27:33Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 27:34H. Foley?

  You're like, what the fuck am I gonna do?

• 27:35Speaker 03

  I remember the first time trying to buy condiments. I was like, hell yeah, they have mustard. I was like, it was a three pack of giant mustard.

• 27:40Speaker 02

  I guess we're gonna have 70 people come over.

• 27:42Speaker 03

  This is, it was reverse engineering here. I went to Costco. I was like, we better have fucking 70 people over. We're cooked.

• 27:48H. Foley?

  The one by my old apartment in Astoria is like one of the busiest ones in the, in the...

• 27:54Speaker 02

  Probably world.

• 27:55H. Foley?

  Yeah, because all the bodegas go there and get their shit. And you go in there on a fucking Saturday. It's like, fuck it.

• 28:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's chaos in there every day. There's, you can't find a day where it's not chaos in there. And I, I enjoy the chaos a little bit. I like to weave in and out like a running back. You know what I mean? Find my gaps.

• 28:12H. Foley?

  You pick up any gear over there? You a Kirkland man?

• 28:15Speaker 03

  I do, yeah. I got Kirkland golf gloves and golf balls.

• 28:19Speaker 02

  Car is Kirkland. 2018 Kirkland.

• 28:23Speaker 03

  I got a Kirkland CRV, yeah.

• 28:27Speaker 02

  Had to buy six of them, but you know.

• 28:31Speaker 02

  That street parking's a bitch out there.

• 28:33Speaker 03

  Kirkland casket.

• 28:36H. Foley?

  What do you bring, what do you bring, your bags to get out of there? Or do you just get boxes off the shelves?

• 28:40Speaker 03

  I just get boxes. I don't even do that. I take it raw half the time. Like I...

• 28:44Speaker 02

  Raw dog.

• 28:44Speaker 03

  A raw dog Costco.

• 28:46H. Foley?

  Walking out with a huge pork loin.

• 28:48Speaker 03

  But I like the, some of the stuff I buy there, my wife likes the seaweed snacks and so I'll get a big, they have a ton of those, and then I'll buy some soups. I just bought a bunch of soups.

• 28:58Speaker 02

  What kind of soups you going with?

• 28:59Speaker 03

  They had Campbell's Chicken Noodle in bulk. I said it's low sodium. I could do that.

• 29:03H. Foley?

  Wait, the can?

• 29:04Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm. And I got those protein Doritos that are a giant bag. I like to get their wine, is the truth. The Costco brand wine. It's honestly good. They have a Pinot Noir. I'm telling you, put it inside.

• 29:18H. Foley?

  From Trenton, New Jersey?

• 29:22Speaker 03

  They got the grapes from their grocery part. Yeah, man.

• 29:26Speaker 02

  That one?

• 29:26Speaker 03

  They have a bunch of them, honestly, but that is one of them. Yeah, Kirkland.

• 29:30Speaker 02

  Russian River.

• 29:31Speaker 03

  Some of them are expensive, too. Like twenty bucks.

• 29:37Speaker 03

  It's, I'm telling you, it's good.

• 29:38H. Foley?

  Alright.

• 29:39Speaker 02

  They have Melville, Santa Rita Hills, uh, Pinot Noir. Twenty, twenty-nine bucks.

• 29:44H. Foley?

  That's expensive.

• 29:45Speaker 03

  The one that I get is just Kirkland Pinot Noir. It's like ten bucks and it's pretty good. This is the thing, if you're getting a ten dollar Kirkland bottle.

• 29:53Speaker 02

  That one?

• 29:54Speaker 03

  That might not, they change it up all the time. They're doing innovative things at Costco. But if you, uh, that one does look good, actually. But I buy almost every bottle that they have just to try it out. But if it, if it's ten dollar Kirkland bottle, it's probably like an eighteen dollar normal bottle is how I think of it. An eighteen dollar bottle.

• 30:09Speaker 02

  That's your Costco change rate?

• 30:11Speaker 03

  Exactly, yeah.

• 30:12Speaker 02

  What did Costco close at today?

• 30:15Speaker 04

  Is that a publicly traded company?

• 30:16Speaker 02

  I'm sure.

• 30:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, I like their seltzer waters. Their beer is good, too.

• 30:20Speaker 02

  They have their own beer.

• 30:21Speaker 03

  They have a beer that is from another brewery, like a Portland brewery. It's like a real one. Uh, I cannot remember what it's called.

• 30:28Speaker 02

  It's a real?

• 30:28Speaker 03

  It's really, it's like a legit. Legit brewery and it's like twelve bucks for twelve lagers and it's pretty fucking good. And nobody's complaining when I serve it. It's just, there's one of seventy. Yeah, the baby's all over it.

• 30:41H. Foley?

  Do you have people over a lot?

• 30:42Speaker 03

  Not anymore. No, we're gonna have a big birthday bash for the boy. He turns, uh, one on Halloween.

• 30:47Speaker 02

  That's gonna be a big Costco.

• 30:49H. Foley?

  Wait, so that's coming up?

• 30:50Speaker 03

  That's coming up in like two weeks.

• 30:51H. Foley?

  How many people is coming to that?

• 30:52Speaker 03

  Like sixty, supposedly. We'll see. People are fucking flakes in, uh.

• 30:56H. Foley?

  How do you, that blows, sixty's a lot of people. How come we're not stunned by this? Sixty?

• 31:01Speaker 02

  I'd say sixty people over. You could. Mostly family, Frey. I'd have to go.

• 31:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, we're gonna have family. That's part of it. Uh, but we have, you know, we're comedian, uh, my, my wife is a journalist. She has a bunch of friends. They, uh, they're social and I've, you know, comedians are fucking mooches. They'll come get a free beer or a burger.

• 31:18Speaker 02

  I heard your car's got free Kirkland beer.

• 31:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, there will be people rolling in that I'm like, I don't even think I've met you before. It is like a house party thing.

• 31:27Speaker 02

  There's a helicopter above you.

• 31:31H. Foley?

  Um, we'll be giving out candy to the kids for Halloween.

• 31:34Speaker 03

  Dude, this, this was the first indicator to me that I, my neighborhood's not so great is, uh, I love Halloween and I lo, I was so hyped about, this is my first time having a house. Not living in like a kinda shitty apartment in New York. There's gonna be kids coming by for candy. I can't wait. We're gonna see all the costumes. I sat out there for an hour and a half. Not one kid came by and then finally, one kid like after I'd already gone in the house. I was like, this is embarrassing.

• 31:59Speaker 02

  Turns the power off to my house.

• 32:00Speaker 03

  I bought a hundred dollars worth of candy at Costco because they have those big ass bags and, uh, and sure enough, like, we just had it all in our house. The one kid who came got like thirty bucks worth of candy, I think. Cause I did, I just felt, I was like, I don't want this shit in my house.

• 32:15Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 32:15Speaker 03

  And so I'm, I'm, I'm gonna buy candy. I bought a little candy already again, just in case. Cause I don't ever wanna be the house that somebody comes to and is like, you don't have any fucking candy?

• 32:24H. Foley?

  Do you have Halloween decorations up?

• 32:25Speaker 03

  We're gonna get them. They have at Costco, I'm sorry, this has become a Costco other thing. They have this giant fucking skeleton guy head.

• 32:33H. Foley?

  I know exactly what you're talking about.

• 32:36Speaker 03

  I was like, that could be, I've been eyeing that thing for a while. There's pictures in my phone of it, multiple pictures. Cause I've gone to Costco, taken a pic, sent to my wife. What do you think?

• 32:45Speaker 02

  Are you, what is she, is she on board with it or no?

• 32:47Speaker 03

  No, she doesn't like it at all. Cause then she made up a good point. It was like, where the fuck do you put that after? You know?

• 32:53Speaker 02

  Keep it up all year round. Dress them up like Santa Claus.

• 32:57H. Foley?

  Does she go to the office every day or she work from the house?

• 33:00Speaker 03

  Uh, it's half and half.

• 33:01H. Foley?

  Okay, and then you're, you're on dad duty?

• 33:03Speaker 03

  I'm on dad duty. We just started daycare and then, so I. Yeah, that's right. I'm finally, they're taking care. I'm in rehab.

• 33:11Speaker 02

  It's outpatient rehab at your daycare.

• 33:15Speaker 03

  I've got an ankle bracelet for rehab.

• 33:17H. Foley?

  There's no beers in here. Okay. So what's the day to day with you and the kid? What are you doing?

• 33:25Speaker 03

  I, well, I pick him up, uh, in the afternoon. We hang out. We, uh.

• 33:29H. Foley?

  Do you get up with him in the morning?

• 33:30Speaker 03

  No, sometimes. Mostly my wife does the morning and then I do the evening. Um, and it's, uh, it's a nice little deal. Not sleeping in. I'd say eight AM.

• 33:40H. Foley?

  Alright.

• 33:40Speaker 02

  If you have a one year old, that might as well be noon. Eight AM is noon.

• 33:44Speaker 03

  She will wake me up at like seven thirty with him. I'll watch him for a little bit while she gets ready. But, uh, and then we, the weekends, it's, uh, it's all bets are off. We're doing, you know, up with the baby, but, um. But yeah, I do the, I pick him up in the evening or afternoon. We hang out. We, I, I make him, I cook a lot of his meals. So I do a lot of meal prep for his little ass.

• 34:04Speaker 02

  What are you doing for his little ass?

• 34:06Speaker 03

  For his little ass, his little country ass.

• 34:08Speaker 02

  What's he like?

• 34:09Speaker 03

  He, you know, he likes everything right now. It's great.

• 34:11Speaker 02

  Protein Doritos.

• 34:16Speaker 03

  I give him anything Taco Bell puts out for sure. He loves Diet Pepsi.

• 34:19H. Foley?

  When you're in, when you're at Costco and you get a sample, will you give him a little sample?

• 34:22Speaker 03

  I do, yeah.

• 34:23H. Foley?

  Oh my god.

• 34:24Speaker 03

  He wants it. Then some shit he'll.

• 34:25H. Foley?

  Little fried chicken cordon bleu?

• 34:28Speaker 03

  I did give him something kinda like that exactly and he was like, what the fuck is this? Um, but they'll have like bread and they'll have like a potato thing that he can eat that's like not salty. But, uh, I make him, I, I've been making him different. I make him meatballs. I make him, uh, with like little smashed in carrots and shit.

• 34:44H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 34:45Speaker 03

  Made him some chicken nuggets the other day. I make him a lot of pasta.

• 34:48Speaker 02

  Pasta.

• 34:49Speaker 03

  He loves pasta, man.

• 34:50Speaker 02

  Love pasta, dude.

• 34:51Speaker 03

  It's true, dude. He fucking loves it and it's so sick. Bananas are big. If he sees a banana, I'm fucked.

• 34:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm the same way.

• 34:58Speaker 03

  I gotta hide the bananas.

• 34:59Speaker 02

  We hide the bananas. He goes, nan, nan.

• 35:01Speaker 03

  I think it might be his first thing. I, I didn't recognize that that's what he was saying at first, but I think he's saying nana.

• 35:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:08Speaker 03

  Uh, but he loves bananas and if he sees one on the counter, he's like, nah.

• 35:12H. Foley?

  Really?

• 35:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, he gets that from me.

• 35:14H. Foley?

  So you have fruit on the counter?

• 35:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, we, yeah, we do have fruit on the counter. We have bowls. We got a lot of shit on the counter. There's that, cause when you ask the appliances, I was like, if you ask anything else, we got bread, we got bananas, we got random shit.

• 35:27H. Foley?

  Basket, like a thing that you lift up?

• 35:29Speaker 03

  No, we could use one of those, though. That would be nice. My wife puts the bread in the fridge.

• 35:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, it keeps, it buys a couple days.

• 35:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, but then your fucking bread is cold.

• 35:38H. Foley?

  Freezer.

• 35:39Speaker 03

  She does freezer, actually, for the most part. I hate it. Cause it's like, then you have to toast it. You know what I mean?

• 35:45Speaker 02

  But what do you make, what do you, what do you make? Are you making like a turkey sandwich?

• 35:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, turkey sandwich. I don't mind. I don't mind. It's frozen, though.

• 35:52H. Foley?

  Can I tell you something?

• 35:52Speaker 02

  Frozen, it's crazy.

• 35:54H. Foley?

  Put it in the freezer and you toast it. It makes the toast crispier.

• 35:58Speaker 03

  Okay, alright.

• 35:59Speaker 04

  Does something.

• 35:59Speaker 02

  Probably a little moisture in there.

• 36:01H. Foley?

  When you put white rice in the fridge, it does something with the starch content later.

• 36:05Speaker 04

  I'll toast it and let it sit for a few minutes. Let that cool down a bit.

• 36:09Speaker 03

  Yeah. Yeah, it's just all these extra steps. I'm, I'm, I got a tight timeline here, man. I got a tee time to get to.

• 36:16Speaker 02

  You're doing a, are you, where are you golfing?

• 36:18Speaker 03

  Not that much. I, I, I started on the chip and putt. Now I'm, I mostly play at this very bad course, um, near my in-laws.

• 36:26Speaker 02

  What's it called?

• 36:27Speaker 03

  It's called Alhambra. On the, it'll look better on the website than, uh.

• 36:30Speaker 02

  How do you spell it?

• 36:31Speaker 03

  It's A-L-H-A-M-B-R-A, uh, golf course.

• 36:36H. Foley?

  And physical therapy center?

• 36:37Speaker 03

  The, the greens are crabgrass. They're infected.

• 36:41Speaker 02

  That, Alhambra?

• 36:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, it looks better than it is on the thing.

• 36:43Speaker 02

  Beautiful.

• 36:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, it looks nice. And they have on the weekday, on Monday through Wednesday, they have thirty-two dollar rounds, cause it, with the cart, because it's, uh, it's so shitty and nobody will go out there.

• 36:52Speaker 02

  It's a municipal golf course. That's good.

• 36:54H. Foley?

  What is that, man?

• 36:54Speaker 02

  That looks beautiful.

• 36:55Speaker 03

  I have a good time out there.

• 36:57H. Foley?

  There you go.

• 36:57Speaker 02

  What are you shooting nowadays?

• 36:59Speaker 03

  Ooh, probably about ninety.

• 37:01Speaker 02

  That's good.

• 37:01Speaker 03

  For this course, I, yeah, I can shoot ninety there. If you put me on like a legit, like, tough course, I'm probably like ninety-five, something like that.

• 37:10H. Foley?

  Sound like a real golfer?

• 37:12Speaker 04

  I mean, under a hundred.

• 37:13Speaker 02

  Under a hundred.

• 37:13Speaker 03

  I almost always break, uh, I almost always break under. I got, I shot an eighty-one on this course and I was, uh, I was really living, living, living off of that.

• 37:22Speaker 02

  I was dialed in.

• 37:23Speaker 03

  It is so funny where it's like, I loved it. I, I don't really drink on the golf course much, but I, I, for a while I always did. And I realized the second I stopped, I was like, why am I so much better at golf when I don't drink? It's crazy. And you don't wanna think that. Cause it's so much more fun to go the other way.

• 37:39H. Foley?

  You're living the dream out there, kid.

• 37:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, you know, it's alright. It's fine.

• 37:43Speaker 02

  That's a lot of Costco ones.

• 37:45Speaker 03

  Sorry. Sorry, buddy. I think it was mostly on me. It was self-inflicted. But, uh, yeah, it's fine. I don't do, you know, I don't have a social life other than these seventy people that come over once a year.

• 37:57H. Foley?

  It's crazy.

• 37:57Speaker 03

  You don't see anybody. I live in a part of town where it's like, I tell people and they're like, yeah, maybe I'll see you next year, you know? There's people that, that live in LA that I saw more when I lived in New York. Cause you're just like, yeah, it's tough. But, you know, I'm doing alright out there. I can't complain.

• 38:12Speaker 02

  That's good. Hmm. What else do we have here? Uh, speaking of the kitchen, one of, if I walked in, can we see the trash can in the kitchen?

• 38:20Speaker 03

  You can.

• 38:21Speaker 02

  Where's it at?

• 38:22Speaker 03

  It's, it's like the laundry room, but the laundry room is open air next to the open air. It's open. There's no door.

• 38:29Speaker 02

  It got kicked down by the police.

• 38:31Speaker 03

  There's a roof over it. Uh, you could see, you could see, and also we had the litter box over there, which was brutal. Cause we, we have a guest room. Uh, you're welcome to live at if you ever wanna come by. We could use another guy because, uh.

• 38:45H. Foley?

  Live with the cars, that'd be alright.

• 38:47Speaker 03

  Cause the mortgage is nuts. Clean up front of the house. Scoop the litter box. We got a litter robot that's this giant fucking thing, man. Dude, you think it is and then you have it. It's like, it smells like shit.

• 39:00Speaker 02

  It's one of those things that doesn't really execute as well.

• 39:02Speaker 03

  It doesn't do what it says it's gonna do and there's fucking cat piss and shit all over it. We gotta, we're constantly having to scrape it and feel that, man, it sucks. Yeah, my life fucking sucks, man. I'm gonna kill myself.

• 39:13Speaker 02

  Now I'm shooting a ninety-one, it's fucking catching.

• 39:15Speaker 03

  It's funny that I come in, I'm all in a good mood. The more questions, I'm like, is my life fucking suck? Am I gonna kill myself?

• 39:20H. Foley?

  Is the trash can, you step your foot on it and it pops up?

• 39:23Speaker 03

  Alright. Doesn't pop as much as you'd like it to.

• 39:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, they lose their spunk. They lose their spunk, dude. It's crazy.

• 39:30Speaker 03

  The spring, we can use a new one of those. Cause you, you sorta have to help it with your hand a little more than you'd like to. Especially with all the fucking baby food at the top of it. And you're like, ah, man, I hope I don't touch any of it.

• 39:43Speaker 02

  Uh, when was the last time you were on a boat?

• 39:47Speaker 03

  We just had a nightmare of a experience on a boat. Cause my, it was a great trip. We, uh, it was a baby, like, uh, all my wife's friends have babies around the same age.

• 39:58Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 39:58Speaker 03

  Slightly older. So we all decided to go to this, uh, this lake town in Wisconsin. Uh, Moose Lake and uh,

• 40:07Speaker 02

  Moose Lake.

• 40:08Speaker 03

  We rented a, uh, like one of those little, I think pontoon boats. It was tiny.

• 40:12Speaker 02

  Is she from Wisconsin?

• 40:13Speaker 03

  No, no, it's been, uh, some of the people live in Chicago. So we were like, oh, this would be a fun destination for all of us. No, actually I think it is. Is it the fucking?

• 40:21H. Foley?

  When was this?

• 40:22Speaker 03

  This would have been like July, something like that. It was recent.

• 40:24H. Foley?

  Okay. So it's a little family vacation.

• 40:26Speaker 03

  Little family vacation. We flew to Chicago, got in the car. It was the, honestly, kind of a nightmare travel thing. Cause the baby, it was the first trip we'd taken with him where he's old enough to, he won't sleep on the plane.

• 40:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:37Speaker 03

  And he just wants to be entertained the whole time. His favorite game right now is he just grabs my glasses and throws them to the fucking ground like a bully.

• 40:44Speaker 02

  It's called, it's called, it's called bitch out dad.

• 40:48Speaker 03

  But he needed to be doing that the whole time. And then we get in the car and it's two more hours and he's like, what the fuck are we doing? I thought we were done.

• 40:55Speaker 02

  He said that?

• 40:55Speaker 03

  He said, it was his first words.

• 40:57Speaker 02

  That and na.

• 40:58Speaker 03

  I brought a tear to my eye. Nana, what the fuck are we doing out here?

• 41:02Speaker 02

  You don't shoot no 81.

• 41:05Speaker 03

  Yeah. How many fucking mulligans, you pussy? What the hell? You don't even golf. Um, yeah, but we got on this little boat and also the boat from the jump was like, this guy was at the Airbnb to like, who owned the boat and he's like making us fill out all this paperwork. I'm the only one old enough. I get, I guess you had to be over 35 to like rent the thing and everybody else is like 34. So they had to put the boat in my name and I was like, I don't know.

• 41:29Speaker 02

  That's a setup dude. That's a fucking setup.

• 41:32Speaker 03

  I was like, I know exactly where this goes. I'm in the hole for 10K for a fucking boat. I'm just gotta run to Mexico.

• 41:37Speaker 02

  Split that with the baby. Okay.

• 41:39Speaker 03

  So we,

• 41:40Speaker 02

  How big of a boat? Or how little of a boat?

• 41:42Speaker 03

  It's a little, it's about the size of this table and there's eight babies on it or something. There's six babies.

• 41:47H. Foley?

  Are you serious?

• 41:48Speaker 03

  Six babies, 12 parents.

• 41:51Speaker 02

  That's a big boat.

• 41:52H. Foley?

  It's a full ti- a full sized pontoon boat.

• 41:53Speaker 03

  We don't fit. We don't fit. It's, uh, we're on there, but we should not be on there. Babies have nowhere to go. They're all fucking screaming their heads off. Um,

• 42:03Speaker 02

  Who's driving the boat?

• 42:04Speaker 03

  My buddy Jesse, he's a, he's, he's kind of like a real man, you know? He's like an outdoorsy type. He can, he can do this stuff. He's like, uh, his, for his wedding, he like kayaked down this cr- we all went like, uh, river, what do you call that when you're on tubing? And he was on this crazy kayak flying through the rapids or whatever. Uh, he's like a, you know, rugged guy. Yeah. So he, I knew right off the jump. I was like, cause the guy was like, you have to drive the boat to me. And I gave Jesse a little winky doo. I go, oh, I'll be driving. All right. Um, and I was like, I want to have some beers out there.

• 42:39Speaker 02

  Cut this six pack. Cut this Kirk.

• 42:41Speaker 03

  Cut to the fucking shit.

• 42:42Speaker 02

  Cut this Kirkland heifer voice and I wanted that.

• 42:44Speaker 03

  Yeah. There's no room for the beers out there. We're all trying to hold babies and it's like, uh, yeah, it was a, it was a shit show, but truly from the second we got on it, every parent was like traumatized. Like my wife looked like she'd seen a ghost. Cause the babies are just all one upping each other screaming.

• 43:00Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah. That's, I mean, okay. That's, that's exactly what we were looking for.

• 43:05Speaker 03

  I wouldn't call it a luxury boat trip. I don't think I've ever been on like a, like a, one of those like fancy, like a yacht or something, you know? You guys ever been on a yacht?

• 43:15H. Foley?

  No, who has? That's a yacht. What?

• 43:17Speaker 02

  Yeah. Me and Diddy used to fucking hang out all the time down in Miami. Uh,

• 43:23H. Foley?

  Hanging around with Saudi royalty? Kevin and I got a private.

• 43:26Speaker 02

  Yeah. I had a, yeah, we had a private.

• 43:29Speaker 03

  I thought maybe Burt rented one or something. I don't know.

• 43:32Speaker 02

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• 46:08Speaker 02

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• 46:46Speaker 03

  Yeah. Yep. I've done it. Yeah. In Indiana where it's like, it was one of those where it was like a real short drive, but I never had, I've never had a truck, you know?

• 46:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:55Speaker 03

  And never had the, I mean, I've seen people, I've, I've also stuffed shit in the trunk where you have to do the cables over it. You know what I mean?

• 47:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 47:04Speaker 03

  The whole way, you're like, shit is going to fall out of here. I'm about to lose a dresser for sure.

• 47:08Speaker 02

  About to lose a dresser.

• 47:09Speaker 03

  Some drawers are falling out at least.

• 47:11H. Foley?

  Let me ask you this. When you guys go out to a restaurant with the baby?

• 47:13Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 47:13H. Foley?

  Okay. Um, no wrong answer here.

• 47:16Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 47:18H. Foley?

  It's not sure there is.

• 47:19Speaker 02

  It's a setup.

• 47:21H. Foley?

  Did you get the high chair for the baby? Excuse me. Do you have a high chair?

• 47:24Speaker 03

  High chair is big now. Yeah.

• 47:25H. Foley?

  Put the baby in next to you.

• 47:26Speaker 02

  Yeah. Where can we park our yacht?

• 47:30Speaker 03

  Do you have a yacht parking at this Shoney's?

• 47:33H. Foley?

  Baby eats. Gets all over the floor.

• 47:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:37H. Foley?

  Right?

• 47:37Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 47:38H. Foley?

  What do you do?

• 47:40Speaker 03

  Well, I don't have a fucking broom on me. What am I supposed to do? What do you do? I, I try to, if it's little shit that I can pick up, I will, but I mean, it's often quite a big mess.

• 47:53Speaker 03

  I tip extra is what I do. Yeah.

• 47:55H. Foley?

  You grease them a little more?

• 47:56Speaker 03

  Cause I really don't know what, I don't know what to do. Like I can't get on my damn knees.

• 47:59H. Foley?

  You say, hey, I'm sorry.

• 48:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. Sorry about that. Unless, you know, there's some LA places where it's like, they're charging you a fucking $12 for a tiny fruit cup. It's the only thing the baby can eat. And I'm just like, fuck you, man. Have something for little babies.

• 48:12Speaker 02

  No, I agree.

• 48:13Speaker 03

  And it's like on that, on those ones, I'm just like, enjoy. Have a good one. Cause I'm like, that's eight dollars worth of fruit on the fucking ground.

• 48:20Speaker 02

  You're throwing shit on the ground.

• 48:21H. Foley?

  Will you bring his stuff with you? Like, will you bring some noodles for him or whatever?

• 48:24Speaker 03

  Sometimes. It depends on the place. Like if it feels like you could do that, I will. And if, like, we went to a taco place the other day. It's like, he can't eat shit here. So we brought his stuff and they didn't seem to give a shit.

• 48:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 48:35Speaker 03

  But if it seems like a place.

• 48:36Speaker 02

  They're not losing out on the quesadilla.

• 48:37Speaker 03

  Yeah. But if they have stuff, I'll do it. If they have stuff for him to eat, we'll just get stuff there. But it's, it's like, they know like that you're fucked. So they're like, oh, it's a, it's actually eight dollars for an avocado with nothing else. It's just an avocado that we're spooning to the baby. All over the floor. But it is, it's funny you mention, because we were just at a place where he fucking wrecked the floor. And I was just like, eh, well.

• 49:02Speaker 02

  I always try to make, I make an effort, I always do it, I'll make an effort. And a lot of times when they see you, they go, we'll get it, or like someone will come over. It's like, they are very, they're, you know, they're aware.

• 49:11Speaker 03

  We got a cute baby.

• 49:12H. Foley?

  I used to fucking hate it.

• 49:13Speaker 03

  I feel bad. We got a cute baby, so they're, they're playing with him, they feel like they've built up a rapport. And he's personable, he gives them a big smile.

• 49:22Speaker 02

  His eye contact shakes their hand.

• 49:23Speaker 03

  Yes, yeah.

• 49:24Speaker 02

  He's at the car at the end of the day.

• 49:25Speaker 03

  He does put his hand out, actually, it feels like he's saying, put her there at the time.

• 49:29H. Foley?

  You have a lovely establishment here, thank you.

• 49:31Speaker 03

  If you ever need a new car, or used.

• 49:36Speaker 02

  I was telling him, we were on the, I was on the fucking subway with my wife and my son, and they, uh, the guy, you know, crazy guy came on asking for money. He was just avoiding eye contact. My son's like, hi, hi, hi. I'm like, shut the fuck up.

• 49:48Speaker 03

  Maybe you could get through to the guy. Hey, you ever, he's like, does that baby tell me to clean up my life?

• 49:55Speaker 02

  Have you thought about Jesus, man?

• 49:57H. Foley?

  You watching TV with the closed captions on?

• 50:00Speaker 03

  No, no, I, well, my wife will do it sometimes. I, I hate the captions. I find I end up reading the shit. And then we don't have the TV on around the baby, so it's like, I'm only doing it.

• 50:11H. Foley?

  No TV.

• 50:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, every once in a while, it's tough with football, especially because in, on the west coast, football's on at like 4:00 PM. And in the more, or the Sunday games, it's 10:00 AM.

• 50:20H. Foley?

  Which is kinda awesome.

• 50:21Speaker 03

  It's sick, except for with the baby. Because I was watching the night game, like, I could watch the night game out here fully, because he goes to bed at 7:00. Now I only, I get to watch like the second half of, uh, the night game, and it sucks.

• 50:32H. Foley?

  Wait, why?

• 50:33Speaker 03

  Because, uh, if it's on with him in the room, he starts staring at it, you feel like an asshole.

• 50:37Speaker 02

  You see them click into it, and you're like, oh, I just, I just created a drone. It's crazy.

• 50:42H. Foley?

  So you can't put him in another room and?

• 50:45Speaker 03

  I mean, I guess.

• 50:46Speaker 02

  Can't put him in another room?

• 50:47Speaker 03

  Fucking piece of shit.

• 50:48Speaker 02

  Well, to be like, hey, I gotta watch the Bengals game? Like, what the fuck?

• 50:52Speaker 03

  You entertain yourself over there.

• 50:53H. Foley?

  Do you get your, do you get your, uh, your football time from your wife, or no?

• 50:57Speaker 03

  Not really, I got, I finally.

• 50:59Speaker 02

  That's a tough sell.

• 50:59H. Foley?

  Is it?

• 51:00Speaker 03

  Dude, this is, especially when you're.

• 51:02Speaker 02

  You and the baby go into the other room?

• 51:03Speaker 03

  Brother, think about this.

• 51:04Speaker 02

  I'm gonna take the living room.

• 51:05Speaker 03

  Really picture it, I'm on the road all weekend, I come home Sunday morning, I'm like, and guess what, honey? I gotta watch the fucking Panthers play the Raiders.

• 51:15Speaker 02

  I got a 19-game parlay going here that I, that I gotta hit.

• 51:18Speaker 03

  And I'm gonna need about an hour to make my little fantasy lineups.

• 51:23H. Foley?

  Have bread to freeze it?

• 51:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, no.

• 51:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't, I, what I've been doing is, uh, I finally, I just broke down and bought the fucking NFL package. And so I have it on my phone, and I'll be like, kinda holding it, like, what's that over there? And I sneak a peek at, uh, Aaron Rodgers.

• 51:39H. Foley?

  It's pretty good, the NFL package, it's worth it.

• 51:40Speaker 03

  It's, it's finally, they do the $25 a month thing, I don't wanna like sell the NFL package, but I used to not get it, because I would see that like $700 a year thing, and I was like, I can illegally stream these? Edit that out, no. What do they finally get me?

• 51:55Speaker 02

  That's it, get the car.

• 51:56Speaker 03

  I have a computer that's designed, I only watch illegal sports on those.

• 52:01Speaker 02

  In case it gets fried?

• 52:02Speaker 03

  I got a burner, yeah, because I mean, it fucks your computer, your computer's all hot.

• 52:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:07Speaker 03

  How does the website make my computer hot?

• 52:09H. Foley?

  Yeah, so weird.

• 52:10Speaker 03

  There's gotta be a scientist.

• 52:11Speaker 02

  That's good stolen stream right there. Screens melted, it was so good.

• 52:16H. Foley?

  Sometimes my charger does that.

• 52:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, mine too, you buy the one on Amazon or something?

• 52:20H. Foley?

  Yeah, what is that?

• 52:21Speaker 03

  You're like, it's called like Yakurba or some shit?

• 52:24H. Foley?

  I have one from Brooksville.

• 52:25Speaker 03

  I think it's gonna burn down my house. Yeah, I've got that too, I've got one in my, in my jacket pocket that's like an off-brand, my, my phone, this is trashy, I think, my phone doesn't charge with the cord anymore. I have to have something that like, it's gotta be on a pad, that's the only way it'll charge.

• 52:40Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 52:41Speaker 03

  And I've just been riding that out, it, the port's fried.

• 52:44Speaker 02

  So you gotta roll around with one of those pad, like the leather pad or whatever, you should put it on?

• 52:47Speaker 03

  Uh-huh, and it's, uh, I've been rolling, it's been like six months now, I, I just need a new phone, but I'm just like, I can squeeze it out. Do they, they do have phones at Costco, you're right, I'm an AT&T guy, I fucking hate it there, but I, I do it. But yeah, it's, uh, it gets so hot though, the off-brand chargers, you really are like, it burns you sometimes.

• 53:07H. Foley?

  Yeah, I've, I've had a run of losing, I've lost two, or broke two phones, and lost or misplaced like, I don't know, seven or eight chargers.

• 53:18Speaker 02

  Dude, we were on the, the last two weekends, and every time we left the club or the venue, he'd go, anybody grab my charger? And we're like, no, man, and my chargers, anybody see my charger? We've been in four different green rooms, he's left his fucking charger.

• 53:29H. Foley?

  Ask him though, it was, it was on Patreon, but you brought up the subway thing, about, uh, your, your personal defense system.

• 53:38Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, he's on my side for sure.

• 53:40Speaker 03

  Let's hear it, let's hear it.

• 53:41Speaker 02

  Well, just, I mean, I would like to, uh, there, we had, there wasn't an encounter, but there was a crazy guy on the, another crazy guy, and you just go like, it's just me and my wife, and I'm defenseless against a crazy man. So I was thinking about getting a knife.

• 53:56Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 53:56Speaker 02

  And.

• 53:57Speaker 03

  I think about this all the time.

• 53:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, see?

• 53:59Speaker 03

  I've been thinking about getting a gun, for real.

• 54:01H. Foley?

  I thought you for sure had one.

• 54:02Speaker 03

  I don't, I, I, I've never been a big gun guy, but something about, you know, living in LA, a lot of my friends have guns sneakily, and I was like, it wouldn't be.

• 54:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, mine too, my friends that live out there.

• 54:12Speaker 03

  I just, I just know that I'd end up fucking shooting myself somehow. I know it.

• 54:17Speaker 02

  You know, by pulling the trigger and putting the gun in my mouth.

• 54:20H. Foley?

  Whoop-dee.

• 54:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, by accident.

• 54:22Speaker 03

  My Costco memberships revoked, I'm done.

• 54:27Speaker 02

  Uh, so that was my, and the, the people were divided of like, you should, you shouldn't, it's, makes more things more dangerous, and I'm going, well, like, I'm not like, doing it to be, you know, this whole thing, I'm doing it like, this is the worst case scenario I'm living at the moment.

• 54:41Speaker 03

  It is true, like, because in New York, you are just among crazies, like, it's, it's true, you're just at risk. I think about that a lot, and I was like, I remember I was on the train, and there was just a guy with, uh, nunchucks, just slinging them around, like, walking up and down the train.

• 54:59H. Foley?

  Get some nunchucks.

• 55:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, get some nunchucks, walk up and down the train, rolling them out, just freak people out, so now they're scared of you.

• 55:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's a good defense.

• 55:07Speaker 03

  It's a power move, yeah, the best defense is a good offense.

• 55:10Speaker 02

  Get out there, shake it up a bit.

• 55:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, but I just, and same with a knife, I feel like I just end up sitting weird with my, like, tight pants on, and it would just stab my leg.

• 55:19H. Foley?

  Could you stick someone though, because that's, that's up close and personal.

• 55:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't know that I could, yeah.

• 55:24Speaker 02

  No, you know, I mean, you don't want to.

• 55:25Speaker 03

  It's more about the threat.

• 55:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's either the threat or of like.

• 55:28Speaker 03

  On my way here, because I got.

• 55:30H. Foley?

  Why?

• 55:30Speaker 03

  Because I got.

• 55:31Speaker 02

  Because you guys, you guys about that life, dude.

• 55:33Speaker 03

  Me and Shane Torres got like kind of, not attacked, but, uh, this crazy fucking lady.

• 55:38H. Foley?

  You guys got into a fight.

• 55:39Speaker 02

  I was got Shane Torres.

• 55:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, Shane came right at me, he's like doing jiu-jitsu now.

• 55:43Speaker 02

  He stole a tag from me.

• 55:47Speaker 02

  I had to get him, so I poked him.

• 55:49Speaker 03

  I'm gonna cut you, Tom.

• 55:52Speaker 02

  A pretty good Shane Torres.

• 55:53H. Foley?

  Very good Shane Torres.

• 55:54Speaker 03

  I do Shane a lot in my house, it's pretty fun. Oh, I guess my stuff's just interesting, if you make fun of his act, I'm like, sorry, I'm memorable, and he's touching a wall that doesn't exist.

• 56:06Speaker 02

  Shout out to Shane.

• 56:07Speaker 03

  So I love Shane, he's one of my best friends. But, uh, we were, we were, uh, walking on the street.

• 56:11Speaker 02

  I will cut him if I have to though.

• 56:12Speaker 03

  But I will cut him, I'll cut anybody. You looking at my wife weird? Um, he, uh, we were walking on the street in Bed-Stuy, and this woman, you know, sometimes there'll be like weird construction shit in the walkway that guides you like, it becomes more.

• 56:26H. Foley?

  That's a fuck, that's a setup right there.

• 56:28Speaker 03

  Absolutely, this, and this fucking crazy.

• 56:30H. Foley?

  They put the mirror.

• 56:31Speaker 03

  This cra, they do, but it was like a tight little squeeze, and, uh, you know, Shane, Shane was like a little, this lady got pissed at him for going through, when she felt like it was her turn, and she was like, this big motherfucker going through, and she was in a chair, and she got through just fine, yeah, she got through just fucking fine. Maybe a scooter chair, it was like, something like that, it was, I think it was electric.

• 56:53Speaker 02

  A computer chair.

• 56:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was electric, yeah, it was, uh, the shit that, uh, what the fuck is the guy who went to Obscene Island, I can't think of his name?

• 57:00Speaker 02

  Tom Cruise?

• 57:00Speaker 03

  No, the guy in the wheelchair, Stephen Hawking, yeah, she was in a Stephen Hawking chair, get the fuck out of my way.

• 57:07Speaker 03

  But, uh, I don't care that you've been on Conan. She, she's, claims that we bumped into her, which is not true, but she's just crazy, and she's trying to start shit up. Then these teens come up, and they're like, older teens, but they're like, hey, what the fuck did you do to my mom?

• 57:22Speaker 02

  These are barely legal teens, we're talking about.

• 57:24Speaker 03

  Exactly, the type of teens you gotta see on a hot computer.

• 57:28Speaker 02

  A steamin' hot computer.

• 57:33H. Foley?

  With the fans running high.

• 57:34Speaker 03

  But they accuse us of pushing her, their mom over in this wheelchair. And so they wanna fight us and they follow us down the street for like two blocks. And I was like, I don't know what the fuck to do, cuz like it's a bad look if we start trying to fight these teens to begin with. There was like four of them.

• 57:49Speaker 02

  That's a lot of teens.

• 57:49H. Foley?

  How do you think you guys would've done, straight fight?

• 57:52Speaker 03

  They were, they were like skinny, so I was like, maybe, but they could've had anything on them too. You don't know, this is why the knife, this is why I was thinking about the knife. But I hadn't been walking down Brooklyn for a while and I was in one of those narrow things, I was like, it's one of those like triggering. I also got just punched in the head walking down the street. You remember when they were doing the knockout game?

• 58:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:11Speaker 03

  This kid tried to do it to me. I just caught him out of the corner of my eye and I ducked just in time, but this kid fully swung on me and I was like, again, it's like, this was like probably a fourteen year old and I, what are you gonna do, chase the guy? Like, it doesn't look good three blocks from now.

• 58:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's how you're just beating up a, beating up a kid in front of a bodega, yeah.

• 58:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's no good.

• 58:31Speaker 02

  That's a tough one.

• 58:31H. Foley?

  Sorry, your lime, read it out?

• 58:34Speaker 03

  I love that you remembered.

• 58:36H. Foley?

  Can you, is that illegal?

• 58:38Speaker 02

  What, beating up a fourteen year old?

• 58:39H. Foley?

  No, but if a fourteen year old punches you in the face, can you?

• 58:42Speaker 03

  I love, these are the type of questions we ask about, it's true, I'm curious.

• 58:46Speaker 02

  I don't, I don't.

• 58:47Speaker 03

  You gotta be able to have self-defense, right?

• 58:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, but then if you're chasing them, then that's not self-defense, it's no longer an imminent threat, I would have to. I would assume any, any good attorney worth their weight would go like, you didn't need to chase him down. Like, you're no longer, I think if he was attacking you.

• 59:01H. Foley?

  I got a rep to protect, your honor.

• 59:02Speaker 02

  And you diffuse the sitch?

• 59:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 59:04Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 59:05Speaker 03

  It's also like, I'm not a fighter, I wanna keep it moving, it's more just like if you're put in that spot, what do you, like, what do you do?

• 59:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:11H. Foley?

  Stabby.

• 59:12Speaker 03

  You get stabby.

• 59:15Speaker 03

  We're selling knives.

• 59:17Speaker 02

  Come out to me and to Cars, we're gonna be at like the gun shows and stuff with those tables, cases selling knives. Uh, I mean, I got, I got one more, just wanna get your take on, and then, uh, you know, we, we stayed, we were on the road last weekend, we stayed at, uh, we're typically, you know, the lower and the middle of the road hotel guys, we like, uh,

• 59:38H. Foley?

  This is true.

• 59:39Speaker 02

  Courtyard by Marriott.

• 59:40Speaker 03

  You can't go wrong with the Courtyard by Marriott.

• 59:42H. Foley?

  Love a Hampton Inn.

• 59:42Speaker 02

  A Hampton Inn, all those kinda.

• 59:44H. Foley?

  Best Western?

• 59:46Speaker 02

  Nah, not a Best Western.

• 59:47Speaker 03

  Not a Best Western, no.

• 59:48Speaker 02

  We never stayed in a Best Western.

• 59:49H. Foley?

  We did, we stayed at Best Western.

• 59:51Speaker 03

  Best Western's a motel.

• 59:52H. Foley?

  Not that long ago.

• 59:52Speaker 03

  You don't wanna stay at a motel.

• 59:54H. Foley?

  I believe in Boston.

• 59:56Speaker 03

  Best Western stinks.

• 59:57Speaker 02

  No, it was not a Best Western.

• 1:00:00Speaker 03

  I've stayed at a Best Western that had like roaches all over the wall.

• 1:00:02Speaker 02

  It was a specific because, and it was a nice, it was a high-rise, that was a high-rise.

• 1:00:06Speaker 03

  I just stayed at a Best Western and fucking sucked.

• 1:00:08Speaker 02

  Okay, if we stayed at a Best Western, it was a very nice Best, for Best Western's nice.

• 1:00:13H. Foley?

  Okay. You gonna stab me now?

• 1:00:18Speaker 03

  This is, this is the problem, you get that knife, you're like, any fucking slip up.

• 1:00:21Speaker 02

  No, of course.

• 1:00:22Speaker 03

  Any slip up, I can't wait to stab.

• 1:00:24Speaker 02

  I just, it's a butterfly and I'm fucking winged it.

• 1:00:28Speaker 02

  We, we like those kinda, you know, uh, they got, first of all, they usually have the pool, the indoor pool, they'll have like the, the little, uh, snack section, uh, but then we recently, at the same trip, for some reason, we stayed at a nice hotel that was cheap, like a Signia by Hilton or something. Very like nice.

• 1:00:46H. Foley?

  It was crazy.

• 1:00:46Speaker 02

  Where we were like, this is, what, how do you operate in a hotel, what kinda hotels do you like? Do you like using the, do you go to those snacks, will you make something in the room, or you make something down there, do you swim in the pool?

• 1:00:57Speaker 03

  I don't swim in the pool almost ever, just cuz I'm not a big pool guy. Uh, and it's almost always crowded.

• 1:01:02Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 1:01:03Speaker 03

  With, and it's like a bunch of families and shit, I don't know, wherever I get put up.

• 1:01:07Speaker 02

  The weekends.

• 1:01:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:01:09Speaker 02

  The weekends, there was like, there's always like a soccer team in there.

• 1:01:11H. Foley?

  Very good.

• 1:01:11Speaker 03

  That's exactly the shit that I run into, is like a, a little baseball team or some shit. And then they're fucking all in the elevators and running up and down the hall.

• 1:01:20Speaker 02

  Keeping me up.

• 1:01:21Speaker 03

  Keeping me up.

• 1:01:22Speaker 02

  At noon.

• 1:01:23Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 1:01:25H. Foley?

  You can't go swimming in a pool if there's a, a little league baseball team.

• 1:01:28Speaker 03

  Nah.

• 1:01:29Speaker 02

  No, no, no, it's bad.

• 1:01:30Speaker 03

  I'm gonna pull a knife on ya. Badly, yeah, that's where, and they, and I deserve it.

• 1:01:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:34Speaker 03

  I just also like, it's such a fucking to-do, I like to, I'll use the gym usually in some capacity, maybe just to get water.

• 1:01:43Speaker 03

  If they got the chilled water in there, you refill the hotel room bottle that they give you.

• 1:01:47Speaker 02

  Very smart. Little bit of lime or something, there are lemons in there.

• 1:01:51Speaker 03

  Dude, the ones that piss me off are where they have the hotel, they have the bottles of water in the hotel, and it'll be like seven dollars on the side. And you're like, yeah, just give me the goddamn water, man. But, uh, I, I like, uh, uh, what's the one that, I, I used to work at a hotel that was awful. Trying to remember the name of it now, it's one of the really shitty ones, and it was sick cuz I would work the front, Baymont Inn in Suites. It, uh, it's like lower mid, it's like, it's not a motel, it's, it's, it's fine.

• 1:02:18Speaker 02

  Is it Beaumont or Baymont?

• 1:02:20Speaker 03

  Baymont.

• 1:02:21Speaker 02

  You used to work there?

• 1:02:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, I used to work the front desk, it was one of my favorite jobs, cuz you could, this one is a college town, it was Athens, Ohio, and you could, uh, they would let me set the rates if I wanted to, if, like, at the end of the night, when, if they had rooms left, they'd be like, tell people whatever the fuck you want. So if somebody was an asshole, I was like, ah, sorry buddy, it's two hundred and fifty bucks tonight.

• 1:02:39H. Foley?

  Would you get to keep it?

• 1:02:40Speaker 03

  No, I just did it to be an asshole, cuz people would come in really rude, I mean, if they gave me cash, I could keep it, but I, I never did. But, uh, the, but then I would, I would mostly do it the other way, where it'd be like some kid coming in, like, just looking for a spot, I'd be like, it's twenty bucks. They would tell me not to go under like twenty bucks, and so I would, and I got in trouble with it one time, because this, this kid came in and wanted a room, and I could tell he was broke, and there was a line of people behind him who had paid full price, and so I had to write down on a piece of paper, I was like, don't read this out loud, can you do thirty-five bucks, and he goes, don't read this out loud, can you do thirty-five, and I was like, shut the fuck up, I'm a fucking asshole, you're gonna get me fired. I'm not gonna make six dollars an hour with this fucking shit.

• 1:03:17H. Foley?

  He got stabbed.

• 1:03:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, I like, uh, I like mid-level, but if I can find a Marriott or a Hilton, I've found cheap Hiltons every once in a while, uh, on the road, and it's like, I like when they have a really nice gym, that's my favorite thing, I'll, I like when they have a bar, that's my favorite.

• 1:03:34Speaker 02

  Ain't done.

• 1:03:35Speaker 03

  They got a nice bar in the hotel, I'm, I'm hanging out.

• 1:03:38Speaker 02

  The only problem is they close a little too early sometimes, if you're doing the two, two shows too late, you come back and you're like, you don't get home till midnight, and like, oh, we close at ten, what the fuck, just stay open.

• 1:03:47Speaker 03

  Stay open, be the, every once in a while, I was in, um, in the Ann Arbor, and for whatever reason, one of the, my hotel bar was open till like two in the morning. And I was like, this is fucking great.

• 1:03:56Speaker 02

  Can't tell me shit.

• 1:03:57Speaker 03

  Right, yeah, yeah, you're like, done with shows, you're like, oh, I can get one to take to the room if I wanted to.

• 1:04:02H. Foley?

  Is there a Costco around here?

• 1:04:04Speaker 02

  One of my favorite things about a kind of shittier hotel is, uh, certain states, depending on where you're at, will sell beers at the little market place.

• 1:04:13Speaker 03

  I love that.

• 1:04:14Speaker 02

  And it's like, oh yeah, they're like four bucks or whatever, they're like affordable.

• 1:04:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, they'll be upcharged a little bit.

• 1:04:19Speaker 02

  They'll upcharge it a little bit, but you sit there and you go, oh, there's, I get them on my own, I don't have to wait, and then you just sit at like, you know, we'll do it, we'll sit at the, the couch or the lounges or whatever, or like the, the breakfast tables.

• 1:04:30Speaker 03

  I've done that. Dude, I've done that, that's one of my favorite nights, you're just sitting out and you're waiting for food to come or something.

• 1:04:35H. Foley?

  Utilizing those spaces, so many people don't.

• 1:04:38Speaker 03

  I know, you gotta get in there, I do feel sometimes like I'm annoying the guy at the front desk, but I used to work at the front desk, I didn't give a shit if people were hanging out. It is the only place I ever shoplift, is the, uh, the market.

• 1:04:49H. Foley?

  Really?

• 1:04:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, because if there's nobody at the front desk, I want a beer, I'm like, eh.

• 1:04:54Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, listen, you can steal beers, I'm okay with stealing beer, there's a market.

• 1:04:59Speaker 03

  I think it's, I'm not hurting anybody, I don't think, maybe I am, maybe I, maybe I should be put to death.

• 1:05:04Speaker 02

  Oh, Jesus Christ.

• 1:05:06Speaker 03

  Fry me, fry me, government, I stole a couple of high limes.

• 1:05:10H. Foley?

  It was a weak beer.

• 1:05:12Speaker 02

  Shit, we gotta wrap it up though, gang.

• 1:05:14H. Foley?

  Mr. Tom Taccar's got a brand new podcast, You Hurt My Feelings.

• 1:05:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, man, out, out as of now, you can find it on YouTube, it's on my YouTube channel, I post clips on it for my Instagram right now, and then it's on, uh, everywhere you get podcasts, You Hurt My Feelings, check it out, I have some great guests, uh, first episode's out now, I have Kyle Gordon, who's very fucking funny.

• 1:05:34Speaker 02

  Oh, he does the song.

• 1:05:35Speaker 03

  Hey there, Mr. Jambo.

• 1:05:37H. Foley?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:05:37Speaker 03

  It's catchy, Emily, Emily Wilson also fucking hilarious, it's a great app, and they tell, you know, stories of times like, uh, people hurt their feelings on the internet, or bad reviews, stuff like that, and it's funny, it's a comedy show, if you like this show, I think you'd love it, and, uh, and then, yeah, I'm on the road too, if you guys.

• 1:05:51Speaker 02

  Plug away, yeah.

• 1:05:52Speaker 03

  December third, I will be at Zany's Rosemont.

• 1:05:57H. Foley?

  That's Rosemont.

• 1:05:58Speaker 02

  Rosemont.

• 1:05:58Speaker 03

  Love to get some people there, I used to work the door there, so it'd be nice to see some people.

• 1:06:03Speaker 02

  Tom has some of my favorite bits.

• 1:06:05Speaker 03

  Hey, thank you.

• 1:06:05Speaker 02

  Hands down ever, uh, go check him out, he's a fucking killer stand-up.

• 1:06:09H. Foley?

  He's the best.

• 1:06:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, man, Tom Taccar for road dates, I've got Milwaukee, New Orleans, some fun stuff coming up, Dr. Grin's in Michigan, so get out there, get a ticket.

• 1:06:17Speaker 02

  Go support Tommy.

• 1:06:18Speaker 03

  And it's at Tom Taccar, sorry, on socials.

• 1:06:21H. Foley?

  What are you, one of our favorites, we love you.

• 1:06:23Speaker 03

  I love you, boys, it's great to see you.

• 1:06:25Speaker 02

  Appreciate you, buddy.

• 1:06:25H. Foley?

  Kibbie, what do you got for him?

• 1:06:26Speaker 02

  Uh, guys, all of our tour dates are at, uh, areyougarbage.com, New York City, uh, part of the, we just announced part of the comedy festival, we're doing a couple shows at Gotham, get those tickets, cuz they will sell out.

• 1:06:38H. Foley?

  Keep watching American Garbage, our special on YouTube, we love ya, we'll see you next week.

• 1:06:41Speaker 03

  Hey.