Pod Insights Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast Should We Buy a Van? w/ Kippy & Foley! About this episode Are You Garbage is back with Kippy and Foley and the boys are thinking of buying a conversion van for the road! It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show!
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Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test.
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Transcript 13,306 words · 4 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 H. Foley? New tour announcement, gang. The boys are heading back out on the road.
0:03 Speaker 01 Whee!
0:03 H. Foley? For the Back on the Block Tour, baby. We're coming to a city near you. We're talking about live Are You Garbage stand-up comedy and a whole mess of beers.
0:11 Speaker 01 Yeah, we're starting off this March. We're hitting Pontiac, Michigan, Indianapolis, Indiana, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Madison, Wisconsin, Minneapolis, Minnesota. Then we're going out there to the Berg, baby. Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Cleveland, Ohio, and Atlantic City at the Borgata. Get your tickets now. AreYouGarbage.com. Use the promo code garbage for early access. Do it!
0:32 Speaker 02 Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
0:52 H. Foley? Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage.
0:58 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
0:59 H. Foley? It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find out that they're to be classy.
1:03 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:04 H. Foley? Or they're just a big old piece of trash.
1:06 Speaker 01 Garbage.
1:06 H. Foley? I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in the new edition. She's upstairs doing a little crypto pump and dump.
1:14 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:15 H. Foley? Trying to make a couple bucks for the summer.
1:17 Speaker 01 The summer?
1:18 H. Foley? You gotta get ready now.
1:19 Speaker 01 That's a long pump and dump.
1:21 H. Foley? Hey, don't get caught up in it.
1:23 Speaker 01 Sure. Real boiler room stuff she's got going on up there.
1:26 H. Foley? She's got four guys working up there.
1:27 Speaker 01 Giovanni Ribisi's up there, last time I checked.
1:29 H. Foley? My co-host is coming at you from across the table, so we call a family episode.
1:33 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
1:34 H. Foley? Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage. He is an international businessman, but enjoys domestic beer. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
1:46 Speaker 01 You ain't lying. Shout out to a nice American ale.
1:49 H. Foley? Do you like it imported?
1:50 Speaker 01 Yeah, I mean, what are you talking about? Have you imported from fucking Newark, maybe?
1:56 H. Foley? I had the Heineken one time, and you looked at me like I was trying to poison you.
2:00 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's not, I mean, that's, that's commie talk right there.
2:02 H. Foley? You don't like an Amstel Light?
2:04 Speaker 01 What, what, what, what, what are we doing here? No. Goddamn American-
2:08 H. Foley? Alloenbrow?
2:09 Speaker 01 American beers.
2:12 Speaker 01 Maybe in a pitcher, maybe in a bottle, love it in a can. Just like your mom.
2:17 H. Foley? Are you like a Guinness? That's an import theoretically.
2:20 Speaker 01 Sure, I mean, I like a Guinness a few times a year and when I'm dropping Jameson in there. A little carbzzles.
2:27 H. Foley? That's an import, Jameson.
2:29 Speaker 01 Yeah. I, well, you said beer, what do you?
2:32 H. Foley? You don't go for the, you don't go for the international beer.
2:34 Speaker 01 No, I'm a goddamn red-blooded American. I drink American beers brewed in Mexico.
2:39 H. Foley? Cause all the IP, all the IPAs are usually Americans.
2:45 Speaker 01 Yeah.
2:46 H. Foley? That you go for. I like a Bex, like a gentleman. I know you like an Amstel Light.
2:51 Speaker 01 Nah, that's a.
2:52 H. Foley? Come on!
2:52 Speaker 01 Bex is a non-alcoholic.
2:54 H. Foley? At the country club? You don't get an Amstel Light with your salmon pants?
2:58 Speaker 01 Bud Light man. You drank all the beers that like were cool in like 2001 for a weekend. Like that's, that all had like a good marketing campaign in the late 90s.
3:09 H. Foley? Oh, I'm sorry, Landshark's coming back.
3:12 Speaker 01 Shout out to Landchedals. I did love a good Landshark. Get a couple, six pack of Don Chedals.
3:16 H. Foley? Crisscross on those things.
3:18 Speaker 01 Man, shout out to Jimmy Buffett. That's his brew. Got another goddamn red-blooded American.
3:24 H. Foley? He did alright.
3:25 Speaker 01 Uh, but listen, all that's either here nor there. Uh, guys, if you haven't, uh, please make sure you review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube and now full video available on Spotify too.
3:34 H. Foley? Crazy!
3:34 Speaker 01 Talk to the bigwigs over there. They got us lined up on a new creator program. No money.
3:40 H. Foley? Work release.
3:44 Speaker 01 Three years of good behavior, they finally gave us fucking video.
3:46 H. Foley? We're on what they call a trial basis.
3:50 Speaker 01 Uh, and then, uh, as you may or may not have heard, new tour announcement, baby. The boys are back on the block.
3:58 H. Foley? It's the first I'm hearing about this. Have you given me the dates yet?
4:01 Speaker 01 I'm gonna need you in the.
4:02 H. Foley? I got a lot going on.
4:03 Speaker 01 I'm gonna need you in the spring, big dog. You gotta move a couple two, three tickets.
4:08 H. Foley? Couple of months to get back in airport walking shape.
4:10 Speaker 01 Sure, God.
4:12 H. Foley? Let's talk about this. Big new tour. Back on the block. The boys.
4:17 Speaker 01 The boys.
4:17 H. Foley? Here we go.
4:18 Speaker 01 Back in the minivan. The tour bus is done. They took it back.
4:22 H. Foley? What?
4:22 Speaker 01 We can't afford it. We're back in a van, moving, shaking.
4:26 H. Foley? I like it.
4:26 Speaker 01 I'm doing 95.
4:29 H. Foley? Couple of clubs?
4:30 Speaker 01 I'm seeing moves three, four steps ahead of time. That's what I'm doing.
4:33 H. Foley? You gotta get a new playlist. You're killing me.
4:35 Speaker 01 Driving blindfolded. That's the new tour.
4:38 H. Foley? If I hear that Creedence Clearwater Revival playlist somewhere sometime, I'm gonna jump out the window.
4:41 Speaker 01 I put that on for you. We've gone over this. That's your, you know what, I mean, what do you, listen, I can only hear fucking R E M so many times.
4:48 H. Foley? That's so funny.
4:49 Speaker 01 Before I wanna take my life.
4:50 H. Foley? I was just thinking about that, that I would like to hear some R E M.
4:53 Speaker 01 Oh my god.
4:54 H. Foley? I'm getting back into them.
4:55 Speaker 01 Good, it's good. You can get back into them on your time.
4:58 H. Foley? I saw Michael Shannon, uh, covering, um, Driver 8. I think that's the name of the song.
5:04 Speaker 01 You guys hear that? I'm trying to plug a goddamn tour over here. You're talking about washed up rockers.
5:09 H. Foley? Well, talk to me about it.
5:10 Speaker 01 Um, I forget all the details. No, um, guys, uh, the new tour starts in March.
5:17 H. Foley? Let's go. Let's fucking go.
5:18 Speaker 01 Uh, March 8th, we're gonna be at the, uh, we're gonna be in Pontiac, Michigan. Uh, and then, uh, Monday, March 10th, we're gonna be at Helium Comedy Club in Indianapolis, Indiana.
5:27 H. Foley? Back in Indy. Very nice.
5:29 Speaker 01 Then we're going to Milwaukee, uh, Wisconsin, and then we're going to Madison, Wisconsin.
5:34 H. Foley? Okay.
5:34 Speaker 01 Then we're going to Minneapolis, Minnesota. And then in April, we're doing a Pittsburgh improv out there, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. And then we're going to Cleveland to do hilarities.
5:43 H. Foley? Okay.
5:44 Speaker 01 And then in July, we're taking it down ashore to Atlantic City, New Jersey, the music box at the Borgata.
5:49 H. Foley? How about that?
5:50 Speaker 01 Shake 'em up, shake 'em up, shake 'em up.
5:52 H. Foley? Clackety clack. Let's go. I'm still on a heater from fucking Parks.
5:56 Speaker 01 I know.
5:57 H. Foley? I'll continue that down ashore. But first, man, talk about a salt of the earth run.
6:02 Speaker 01 That is. That's middle America, baby. That's fucking, weep, weep, weep. We're hitting all the B-level cities you got.
6:09 H. Foley? Back to the roots, baby.
6:10 Speaker 01 Back, back on the block tour. Uh, the boys are gonna be coming. If you don't, if you've never been to a live show, it's, uh, me and the big man do stand-up. We got an opener or two. And then we play A Y G with the crowd. It's a good frickin' time. I suggest you come. If you've been, come back, baby. We wanna, we wanna see you again.
6:24 H. Foley? I genuinely...
6:25 Speaker 01 Also...
6:27 Speaker 01 Not for nothing, these shows are gonna sell out pretty quick, so act now. Promo code garbage to get access. Pre-sale starts today, if you're gonna listen to this when it comes out.
6:36 H. Foley? What is a pre-sale exactly?
6:37 Speaker 01 I'm not really sure. They make you do it, they give you dates, I don't know, just buy the tickets.
6:42 H. Foley? So they go on sale, they're on sale till when? 10 o'clock Thursday night?
6:46 Speaker 01 Listen, I'm not sure. They're on, maybe. I don't know.
6:49 H. Foley? Get them tickies.
6:50 Speaker 01 Just buy the tickets, promo code garbage.
6:52 H. Foley? Come see the boys. I'm juiced up. Let's fucking, get the fuck outta here.
6:55 Speaker 01 I know.
6:56 H. Foley? This hoodie breaking my balls all the time.
6:58 Speaker 01 The whole town in my rearview.
7:00 H. Foley? Let's go.
7:00 Speaker 01 It's gonna be a good time, I'm fucking stoked. I love these cities. So this is, we've done all of these cities already in the past.
7:06 H. Foley? Man, I saw my goddamn special there.
7:08 Speaker 01 Madison.
7:09 H. Foley? Yeah, that one.
7:09 Speaker 01 Madison, so it's like, these are some of the cities that we were like, we love, these shows are always some of the funnest of the runs. They're fantastic, they're great comedy towns. It's gonna be a rough and tumble ride.
7:21 H. Foley? Pontiac, Michigan.
7:23 Speaker 01 Pontiac, Michigan, baby. Talk about the down and outs.
7:26 H. Foley? The first of March.
7:27 Speaker 01 Might as well be in.
7:28 H. Foley? I love it. Let's fucking go.
7:30 Speaker 01 Yeah, so it'll be a good time.
7:32 H. Foley? Snow still on the ground.
7:33 Speaker 01 Get those tickies, we can't wait to see yous out there.
7:36 H. Foley? Absolutely.
7:37 Speaker 01 All the clubs, we do meet and greets, we meet all the homies and all the bozies. Yeah, it's been a minute, we've been a minute since we've been in.
7:44 H. Foley? Really getting back to our roots, aren't we?
7:46 Speaker 01 Back to the roots, you know what?
7:47 H. Foley? That's what it's all about, yeah. Who needs tour buses and all that crap? Give me a minivan with a donut on it. And you crushing some corn nuts or something like that, yelling at me.
7:58 Speaker 01 I'm a gummy bear, man, everybody knows that about me. But yeah, you can grab those tickets, all tickets available at arugarbage.com, or in the link in the bio on the socials.
8:08 H. Foley? Let's go, I love it.
8:09 Speaker 01 I got a little something before we get started here.
8:12 H. Foley? What can we do for you?
8:13 Speaker 01 I sent Lucas a-
8:14 H. Foley? My door's always open to you.
8:15 Speaker 01 I sent Lucas a picture, now, listen. I, you know, we both come from very garbage stock, you know what I mean? Cars haven't always been the best cars, you know, I've only ever had one new car, that was a Kia. That got stolen.
8:30 H. Foley? Sure.
8:30 Speaker 01 So I don't judge people on their cars at all, right? I get it, I've been down and out, I've spray painted my car to cover up damage, I've duct taped my car. I've done it all. That being said, I think there is a limit.
8:47 Speaker 01 To the amount of damage a car should have and still be on the road. I think that's a fair assessment.
8:54 H. Foley? Yeah, you can't, it can't look like a fucking old Matchbox car. You can't have the hood off or anything like that.
8:59 Speaker 01 This car, this car that I'm gonna show you.
9:02 H. Foley? Uh huh.
9:03 Speaker 01 I swear to God, is still in use. It, he moves it, whoever, it's in different parking spots all the time. He moves it for alternate side parking. So this is an active.
9:13 H. Foley? This is in the city.
9:14 Speaker 01 This is in the city, this is in New York City.
9:16 H. Foley? Okay.
9:16 Speaker 01 Active car in the city.
9:19 H. Foley? The modern day Rome.
9:20 Speaker 01 The, what?
9:21 H. Foley? That's what they say.
9:22 Speaker 01 I don't know. Who you hanging out with? Bex, Rome, what are you fucking talking, who's Bex? We gonna get a Peroni?
9:28 H. Foley? A Peroni?
9:29 Speaker 01 The beer.
9:29 H. Foley? I'd like a Peroni.
9:31 Speaker 01 What the hell is wrong with you?
9:32 H. Foley? And you know what my favorite beer probably is, is that, uh, that Japanese, uh, was it acai or, acai?
9:38 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
9:39 H. Foley? Super dry, that's delicious.
9:40 Speaker 01 Not gonna, not gonna work here, I'll tell you that much. This is, we are, we are an American Bilsner company, alright? A, an American lager, watered down, just like.
9:51 H. Foley? Little bit of metal taste, when you pop the bottle with the cap off.
9:54 Speaker 01 Ooey! Some, some with a little, you ever pop that? You pop open like an old Budweiser, there's rust around the top.
10:00 H. Foley? Oh, I hate that, man, that stinks.
10:03 Speaker 01 And you're like, oh.
10:03 H. Foley? It's like you're drinking blood.
10:04 Speaker 01 It does. It's like you're eating pennies, dude. Going down on a.
10:09 H. Foley? Tell you got two tree in ya. It don't matter.
10:11 Speaker 01 Sure.
10:12 H. Foley? Alright, let's see it.
10:13 Speaker 01 Hit 'em. Look at that thing, dude. The gas tanks, the gas ta, it looks like a piano fell on it. It's got, it's, it's got that silver like thermal duct tape on it.
10:26 H. Foley? Dude, that is insane. What is that around it?
10:30 Speaker 01 What?
10:31 H. Foley? Is that a sheet?
10:32 Speaker 01 No, it's like a.
10:32 H. Foley? It looks like those, that stretchy thing you cover a bad couch with.
10:35 Speaker 01 Sure, sure, those things. Steve, you got one of them. Those are like book covers, remember?
10:40 H. Foley? Those are usually a weed dealer's house.
10:42 Speaker 01 Sure.
10:43 H. Foley? Covering, covering a thing. You're sitting on that, you're taking a nap. Ever take a nap at your weed dealer's house? Pass out?
10:50 Speaker 01 Oh, man. You are not the customer of the month. Wake up with seeds in your hair and stuff.
10:55 H. Foley? Wake up and the local news is just ending. I gotta get out of here, man. I did.
10:58 Speaker 01 What's he putting in there? You're taking a hit. Like, talking about into the couch. This guy's snoozing.
11:05 H. Foley? That's not.
11:06 Speaker 01 That, dude.
11:07 H. Foley? That's cake. That's not a real car. That's cake, right? Look at the side of that thing.
11:12 Speaker 01 Dude, that is.
11:13 H. Foley? What is that?
11:14 Speaker 01 Well, I think it's like a, I don't know what it is.
11:16 H. Foley? No, like the side where the tape is touching the white.
11:19 Speaker 01 So this is.
11:19 H. Foley? That's not fiberglass or a regular metal car.
11:22 Speaker 01 No, so the problem, let's, let's put a pin in it. The problem is it's a convertible. The back window is blown out with along some of the top of the convertible. So they've replaced that with like a blue tarpish. That can't be waterproof. That cannot be waterproof, dude. The gas, I, it's like, what are you?
11:42 H. Foley? That's a real nice neighborhood you live in there.
11:44 Speaker 01 That's, what are you talking about? That's a goddamn Hudson River right there. That's a goddamn Palisade you're looking at.
11:48 H. Foley? You took that picture in the middle of the summer. The leaves won't grow.
11:52 Speaker 01 That was at two in the morning. Those are the cop lights.
11:55 H. Foley? Is that Sherwood Forest?
11:56 Speaker 01 Um, that's, uh, I mean, I don't know.
12:02 H. Foley? That guy's jammed up.
12:03 Speaker 01 At what point do you just go like, I'm gonna get rid of this? Take the tax, donate the cars for kids or something.
12:08 H. Foley? Needs to get her, cars for kids? This guy, dude, I wouldn't take that. This guy's jammed, probably a kid in that trunk.
12:13 Speaker 01 That's a couple hundred bucks junk. What can you get? I mean, what do we, we looked it up. You can get a junk car is like 200 bucks. Get you 150, 200 bucks.
12:19 H. Foley? What is that, by the way? What kind of car?
12:22 Speaker 01 That's a 1980 POS.
12:26 H. Foley? They still making that? I didn't know they came in white.
12:29 Speaker 01 Dude, he's got tape on the, I know you can't see. He's got tape on the dashboard too.
12:33 H. Foley? Let's talk about the fucking gas tank.
12:35 Speaker 01 Imagine picking up a broad in that for a date. I'm out front. You can't miss me, lady.
12:43 Speaker 01 I hope you brought your driving goggles.
12:46 H. Foley? Cloud of smoke coming down the street.
12:49 Speaker 01 That's insane dude. What? Dude, that is, that is now for the Northeast. It's like, you could have the broken roof if you lived in like Santa Fe desert or something. You know what I mean? Somewhere you're not getting a lot of precipitation. This is the fucking Northeast in the goddamn winter. You gotta be freezing your balls off.
13:07 H. Foley? Can I say this?
13:08 Speaker 01 Please.
13:09 H. Foley? Can I say this?
13:10 Speaker 01 I'm listening.
13:11 H. Foley? It seems more often than not, the road of the convertible is paved in disappointment.
13:22 Speaker 01 Sure.
13:23 H. Foley? More often than not, this is how
13:26 Speaker 01 They end up.
13:27 H. Foley? The guy who get any ti- you see a guy getting a convertible and you just know, life's not gonna work out for you, man.
13:36 Speaker 01 That makes so much sense. My mom had one.
13:38 H. Foley? Dude, it's just like-
13:40 Speaker 01 It's the last act of a desperate man.
13:42 H. Foley? You don't get the convertible. I mean, the dental practice has to be going real well.
13:49 Speaker 01 There's about 5% of people who have them that can pull them off.
13:52 H. Foley? Yeah, cuz you're just not a convertible. You know, behind that smile is just sadness and pain.
14:00 Speaker 01 Past two bills.
14:05 Speaker 01 That guy's jammed up.
14:06 H. Foley? You're still paying for a Ninja blender, six easy payments, and you pull up in the convertible? That's how things end for guys that get convertibles. No matter what.
14:16 Speaker 01 You're not wrong.
14:17 H. Foley? Cuz nobody takes them back. Do they still make convertibles? Are we still doing this?
14:22 Speaker 01 I don't really can find out what, I'm not, I mean, I'm sure like Mercedes, they got the drop tops, I'm sure.
14:28 H. Foley? That's different. That thing's in there. Oh yeah, we, I read it one.
14:31 Speaker 01 What?
14:32 H. Foley? I lived like that for a little while.
14:33 Speaker 01 That's, there you go. Your theory checks out.
14:36 H. Foley? Man. Yeah, that, yeah, that. If you're driving that.
14:41 Speaker 01 The Mazda MX-5 Miata, a Miata's gotta have a drop top. You gotta let the hair fly when you're driving a Miata. Otherwise, you're not gonna pick up the chicks.
14:49 H. Foley? Otherwise, you waste all that money on Bosley.
14:53 Speaker 01 All for nothing. You're jumping out of a pool into your, into your convertible.
14:56 H. Foley? I figured you would know Bosley.
14:58 Speaker 01 The hell does that mean? What? I got a TV. Sure, what up?
15:02 H. Foley? I can't sleep some nights.
15:04 Speaker 01 Yeah, I mean, they get you early. They get you in the middle of the night.
15:06 H. Foley? No, the BMW is down there.
15:07 Speaker 01 So Mercedes-Benz, a Porsche, an Audi, a Chevy Corvette. I'll give you those. Those are, those are, you're allowed to have a convertible.
15:18 H. Foley? Those'll kinda hang in there. The guy in the vet, eh, he's maybe has some child support payments that he hasn't paid.
15:25 Speaker 01 Sure.
15:26 H. Foley? Possibly has a Dewey. Now, if you're zipping around, that's a Miata. That's not bad.
15:32 Speaker 01 That ain't good.
15:33 H. Foley? I don't know about that. You see Uncle Hank zipping around in that thing?
15:37 Speaker 01 You see us stuck in it, sure. What are you talking about?
15:41 H. Foley? I'm sticking up above the windshield.
15:43 Speaker 01 You gotta have a drop top. You gotta, you gotta, you gotta lower, you get lowered into that thing.
15:48 Speaker 03 It's a poor man's Alfa Romeo, I think.
15:49 H. Foley? I tell you what, they look a lot better than the ones in the, in the 2000s and 90s.
15:54 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah, of course, everything.
15:55 H. Foley? That tan one's pretty sweet, that one. That's not bad.
15:58 Speaker 01 That is, they are, they are, they are the poor man's Porsche.
16:01 H. Foley? I mean, yeah, you're, you're trying to look like a Porsche.
16:03 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's just, that's like a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a Porsche.
16:07 H. Foley? But, okay, go back to fucking the white wonder there. That's not it.
16:12 Speaker 01 What?
16:13 H. Foley? That's not, that's not, first of all, that's not really a convertible.
16:18 Speaker 01 That's no, I would argue that's borderline no longer a car. That is not a complete car.
16:23 H. Foley? No, forget about the damage. I'm saying when you, like, when that guy bought that, he, you know, things were looking up.
16:29 Speaker 01 You know, for sure. You know what I liked?
16:31 H. Foley? Right, things, things were, I mean, this is really, he's got his convertible. Man.
16:38 Speaker 01 He had his whole life ahead of him.
16:39 H. Foley? Sure.
16:41 Speaker 01 At what, but like, the thing I don't get, right, listen, that car's down bad. That car, that guy's probably down pretty bad.
16:48 H. Foley? About that, a little, yeah, it's fucking down bad.
16:50 Speaker 01 I was gonna, I was gonna be like, we have to cancel the show. I don't know what this guy's talking about.
16:53 H. Foley? There's no way those tail legs work.
16:56 Speaker 01 No, but he's moving it, so he's gotta, he's gotta go get gas and some, like, that thing's, I don't know if he's taking it to work. I do see it parked a lot. I've never seen it moving, but it's all over the neighborhood. He's moving it back and forth. Ah, at what point, what is?
17:10 H. Foley? Can you track this guy down and do a little impromptu interview with him on the street? Hey, man, I just wanna talk to you for a little bit.
17:15 Speaker 01 Right. He's gonna have me at knife point going through my wallet. What are you talking about? That guy needs cash.
17:21 H. Foley? Man, God love him.
17:22 Speaker 01 Yeah.
17:23 H. Foley? He's doing what he's gotta do. For some reason, he's gotta hang on to that fucking thing.
17:28 Speaker 01 But what's the reason?
17:29 H. Foley? I don't know.
17:30 Speaker 01 The gas tank.
17:31 H. Foley? You to find out.
17:31 Speaker 01 It looks like there's a Molotov cocktail hanging out of that thing.
17:34 H. Foley? He was trying to get somebody trying to burn him out of that thing.
17:37 Speaker 01 And it's gotten progressively worse, because it used to be still like taut in the back. I think the snow really, really took the structural integrity of that back cloth out. It's gotta be colder as shit in there, dude. It's gotta be.
17:51 H. Foley? Going down to Henry Hudson?
17:52 Speaker 01 Oh, my God. The heat don't work in there. Oh, Joe.
17:57 H. Foley? God damn.
17:58 Speaker 01 You probably gotta start a small fire to keep warm in there.
18:00 H. Foley? Today's episode is sponsored by Acorns. Yeah, and I ain't just a pitch man. I'm a client, baby.
18:06 Speaker 01 Uh huh. Kid's in the markets.
18:07 H. Foley? I'm in them. I'm sitting pretty over there. You don't want to know what I got company when I'm 88 years old.
18:12 Speaker 01 What time's it in Beijing right now, big man?
18:14 H. Foley? Woo! Check the markets, check the numbers. What's up? What's down? Who cares? Get in an Acorns, baby. I'm invested. I'm an investor.
18:23 Speaker 01 We got the big man thinking about the future. And listen, if he can do it, anybody can do it. Acorns makes it easy to start automatically saving and investing, so your money has a chance to grow for you, your kids, and your retirement, baby.
18:34 H. Foley? They really do.
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18:55 H. Foley? Can't have access to it. Can't have it right there.
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19:33 H. Foley? Do it. Okay, let's talk about iRestor.
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20:25 H. Foley? Thinning and running.
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20:37 H. Foley? It's an epidemic in this country.
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21:05 H. Foley? Mm-hmm. There was that, there was that time. Anybody that was like friends with my parents, like their age, that bought the not convertible convertible.
21:17 Speaker 01 What do you mean the not convertible?
21:18 H. Foley? That, that's a not convertible. Your mom's sea bring. That's not really, it's a convertible.
21:22 Speaker 01 You watch your mouth about the goddamn sea bring.
21:24 H. Foley? It's a convertible, but you just, it's, that's, that's how they all end up. Or in a river somewhere, a lake.
21:32 Speaker 01 What's a rag top?
21:34 H. Foley? That's a rag top.
21:35 Speaker 01 I don't think so.
21:36 H. Foley? Yeah, it is. A rag top is fucking a soft top.
21:39 Speaker 01 Yeah, but I think it's just the tie. I don't think the whole thing goes back. I could be wrong.
21:46 H. Foley? Rag top, a car with a roof that can be folded down. Yeah, it's just, just different terms. What the kids called them back in the 50s.
21:52 Speaker 03 But I think that's when you have to do it yourself. Like you have to unlatch it and then like bring it down yourself.
21:57 Speaker 01 Well, there's also the ones that just through the middle, it's like the sunroof, but it's like the rag top. And then there's the cars, like the old school, like Cadillac, not the old, like the Cadillacs from like the 80s and 90s, had the cloth top but weren't convertibles. You know what I mean? That's what I thought of rag. That's a little bit of class where I come from.
22:16 H. Foley? I know what you're talking about.
22:17 Speaker 01 Those things are alright. I saw a loom with one one time when I was, I was in driving my other loom. It was me and Vinny that's a skinny coming up the AC Expressway from Wildwood. And we passed like a, like a light blue loom with the cloth top, but not the convertible.
22:32 H. Foley? That's hard underneath.
22:33 Speaker 01 That's like a signature series or something. That thing's real nice.
22:36 H. Foley? Eddie Bauer edition.
22:37 Speaker 01 Yeah, that thing, you drink with your pinky up when you're driving that, that thing's alright.
22:42 H. Foley? The Mossimo series.
22:44 Speaker 01 Mossimo.
22:46 H. Foley? Isn't that a company?
22:47 Speaker 01 Yeah, but I mean, they, they sold like surfer t-shirts.
22:50 H. Foley? Yeah, I know exactly what you're talking, usually have like an emblem on it or like some kind of special light.
22:55 Speaker 01 Yeah, it had like a, you know, the, the Mark IV or whatever. Like remember those things were big. My buddy had a Mark IV. My neighbor had a Mark IV or Mark, see what the marks were. They were trucks. It'd be like Mark IV, Mark V, Mark III.
23:08 H. Foley? Vans did them a lot too.
23:12 Speaker 01 No, I don't, Mark IV.
23:17 Speaker 01 Yeah, there were, it was like a, see, it was like an Eddie Bauer.
23:21 Speaker 01 Whatever.
23:21 H. Foley? That's, do some fucking in there.
23:23 Speaker 01 Dude, I want to buy us a, I, I look at them probably bi-weekly, buying us a conversion van.
23:29 H. Foley? How would we get it out to where we're going?
23:31 Speaker 01 What do you mean?
23:32 H. Foley? So like, so let's take the new tour for example. We're gonna get a minivan. We're gonna be zipping around.
23:37 Speaker 01 Yeah.
23:38 H. Foley? What if we?
23:38 Speaker 01 Are you gonna, listen, if you're trying to convince me to buy a fucking conversion van this week, you don't gotta do any convincing.
23:44 H. Foley? We could have it meet us in Indianapolis.
23:46 Speaker 01 Yeah.
23:47 H. Foley? Then how do we get it back?
23:48 Speaker 01 Have someone drive it back.
23:50 H. Foley? That's pretty good.
23:51 Speaker 01 That's not bad, right? Wait, hold on. I didn't think, I thought it was gonna be a harder sell to you.
23:56 H. Foley? What?
23:56 Speaker 01 We might have to do this.
23:57 H. Foley? I fucking grew up on, my whole dream is to drive around the country with my boys in a van.
24:02 Speaker 01 Really shoot, really aim high, huh, big dog?
24:05 H. Foley? The A-Team. That was my favorite show when I was a kid.
24:08 Speaker 01 Alright, get it, alright, Luke, get on, get on conversion vans. Used.
24:14 Speaker 01 Ragdoll.
24:15 H. Foley? I don't think they sell them new.
24:16 Speaker 01 Yeah, they're like, they're like Sprinter-esque. They're like new. They're like big nice John's.
24:21 H. Foley? Really?
24:21 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. For sure. They're like more camper.
24:24 H. Foley? Facebook?
24:24 Speaker 01 Facebook? What are you doing in Facebook Marketplace?
24:27 H. Foley? They're gonna take our information, you nuts?
24:29 Speaker 01 Dude.
24:29 H. Foley? Fucking idiot.
24:30 Speaker 01 Who are you, Patty? I tell you to buy a car, you go to fucking Facebook Marketplace?
24:34 H. Foley? I just need my social.
24:35 Speaker 01 How much is it?
24:36 H. Foley? Go to a reliable thing.
24:37 Speaker 01 So, we can have, we can have Ryan D. drive it out. It's not that far. What's here to Detroit? Probably 12 hours?
24:44 H. Foley? Or buy, how about we buy, I'm sure they're probably floating around Pontiac left and right.
24:48 Speaker 01 I'm not, I'm not flying out there and buying a car sight unseen.
24:51 H. Foley? Wait, didn't you do that with the Lumina? You didn't, you didn't see that?
24:55 Speaker 01 What?
24:56 H. Foley? You never saw the-
24:57 Speaker 01 Yeah, I'm not living in the Lumina either. I'm also not driving the Lumina across country.
25:00 H. Foley? Fair enough.
25:02 Speaker 01 Look at that.
25:03 H. Foley? That's too worky.
25:04 Speaker 01 No. The one on the, yeah, they get like Sprinter-ish. No, the one on the-
25:08 H. Foley? No, get out of here.
25:09 Speaker 01 No, no, no, I got you. Go down. Right there. Right, that, over one. Yeah, right there. Chevrolet conversion van, Explorer Limited, four-wheel drive, seat seven.
25:19 H. Foley? Nice.
25:19 Speaker 01 Pop in there. Let me see the inter-, look at that thing!
25:22 H. Foley? That thing's sweet.
25:24 Speaker 01 Fuck, give me, let me see the interior. I don't fucking see the, the back of it. Click on one of the interiors, you bugger.
25:29 H. Foley? Look!
25:30 Speaker 01 This guy stinks.
25:31 H. Foley? Ah, there we go. Okay.
25:33 Speaker 01 Look at that, me and you in the front seat.
25:34 H. Foley? Woo!
25:35 Speaker 01 I gotta start smoking again.
25:37 H. Foley? Keep going, keep going.
25:37 Speaker 01 Dude, I'm smoking heaters if we, if we get this. That's got a hitch?
25:42 H. Foley? Keep going.
25:44 H. Foley? She, show me the inside.
25:45 Speaker 01 Yeah, what it-
25:46 H. Foley? They're, they're hiding something.
25:48 Speaker 01 Oh, we can, dude, we can lay it down and fucking it, man.
25:51 H. Foley? Nah, I want it, I want it where it's like a-
25:54 Speaker 01 Captain's chairs.
25:54 H. Foley? Like a party back there where you can turn the seats and talk and shit.
25:57 Speaker 01 That's a, wha, wha-
25:58 H. Foley? With a table.
25:59 Speaker 01 What are you, the, like, an executive for General Electric? Who has that?
26:02 H. Foley? Wants to be the 80.
26:05 H. Foley? We'll get some Kalashnikovs, real shiny ones. Put them in a footlocker in the back, that's what they used.
26:10 Speaker 01 I'm telling you, this might be pretty sick. Yeah, the interior right there.
26:14 H. Foley? Nobody ever called the A-Team out for using AKs.
26:17 Speaker 01 I mean...
26:17 H. Foley? They used AK-47s. They were goddamn Vietnam vets. They should have been using M16s.
26:22 Speaker 01 It's a, it's a, no, it's a superior product, everybody knows it. That banana clip coming. Call me Chiquita, baby, cuz I got bananas.
26:31 H. Foley? Alright, we need a couple of those.
26:34 Speaker 01 Uh...
26:34 H. Foley? That thing stinks!
26:35 Speaker 01 What are you, nuts, dude?
26:36 H. Foley? Do those seats turn?
26:37 Speaker 01 The whole turn?
26:39 H. Foley? There's no table for the coke. Need a little blow table.
26:43 Speaker 01 A little BT.
26:44 H. Foley? That's alright. Luke stinks at looking at these though.
26:46 Speaker 01 Luke, what's that going for?
26:47 Speaker 03 Uh, 46.
26:49 H. Foley? Grand?
26:50 Speaker 01 Yeah, man, we're out. What's that come do? See, give me a loan on 46 grand. A car loan on 46 grand, we'll check back in with you.
26:57 H. Foley? Can we lease one?
26:59 Speaker 01 Yeah, I mean, lease one? Nah, just buy it. I think there's a tax thing where you can write off a bunch of it then.
27:05 H. Foley? If we lease it or if we buy it?
27:06 Speaker 01 I think if you buy it.
27:07 H. Foley? Okey. Yeah, I don't like something new like that. Ah, that's nice though. Take a peek into that, if that's okay.
27:17 H. Foley? Imagine the boys pulling up the fucking...
27:18 Speaker 01 That would be a good dude.
27:20 H. Foley? The Pittsburgh Improv in that?
27:22 Speaker 01 That's a fuck, we might have to do this. Dude, it's got, it's got shades on it, it's got window treatments. What's more fucking RU garbage than rolling around show to show in a fucking conversion van? It's pretty sick.
27:35 H. Foley? See if they can get a convertible.
27:39 Speaker 01 I think, alright, I'm seriously, I didn't, I thought you were gonna be a tougher sell.
27:42 H. Foley? 10 years when the bottom drops out, we're still driving that thing or that's all fucked up?
27:46 Speaker 01 Of course. That's a nice car. Alright, we might be, alright, okay. This might just be fun.
27:52 Speaker 03 57 for that one.
27:53 Speaker 01 57 grand. Find out the, alright, we'll come back to you, but find out the...
27:57 H. Foley? 2019, Dan.
27:58 Speaker 01 Find out the loan payment on a 50, a $50,000 car. What I can get.
28:03 H. Foley? And just for shits and giggles, can you do this? Can you look up and see what the 2025 conversion van scene looks like? You got car payment calculator?
28:14 Speaker 01 Oh, it's a scene, man.
28:15 H. Foley? This is never good.
28:16 Speaker 01 I'm not trading anything in.
28:18 H. Foley? Who's this, Luke? What's his bank?
28:21 Speaker 01 Uh, it's just a, it's just a, dude, you're in the ads now, man.
28:23 H. Foley? Oh, you're fucked.
28:25 Speaker 01 Just go to Google, there should be a Google one.
28:27 H. Foley? They already got our stuff. Great, great job Luke.
28:32 Speaker 03 I thought we were coming back to me.
28:34 Speaker 01 Yeah, we are. So well, fucking Foley gets his autistic brain.
28:38 H. Foley? I see numbers.
28:39 Speaker 01 Hey, don't look over there, look over here.
28:40 H. Foley? He's putting the industry as agriculture. You fucking dude.
28:45 Speaker 01 Alright, let him be, stop it. He's not good under pressure. Um, that might be, that might be the bad, talk about back on the block tour. The boys rolling up in a, in a conversion van?
28:57 H. Foley? I like it.
28:57 Speaker 01 Cooler full of beers in the back?
28:58 H. Foley? On the east coast, we can just drive.
29:00 Speaker 01 Of course.
29:01 H. Foley? Head up to Boston, Rochester.
29:04 Speaker 01 Talking about shows that aren't booked yet, relax. Spend a week.
29:08 H. Foley? You pull into Rochester and the roads will be jumping out the windows.
29:11 Speaker 01 Sure, sure, sure, sure.
29:13 H. Foley? I like it.
29:14 Speaker 01 Uh, but all that's either here or another, we'll check back with Luke. Wait, you got a monthly payment of 2,400 bucks?
29:19 H. Foley? It's 24,000. What do you got us tied up in here?
29:22 Speaker 03 Two year for the, to pay it back.
29:25 Speaker 01 Two years? What am I, made of money? A fucking, I give a six year lease?
29:29 H. Foley? 61 months. Like a gentleman.
29:31 Speaker 01 Yeah.
29:32 Speaker 03 1,000.
29:33 Speaker 01 There we go, I can swing 1,000 for 60 months.
29:37 H. Foley? I'll chip in 40.
29:39 Speaker 01 I got five on it.
29:42 H. Foley? That's not a bad idea.
29:44 Speaker 01 I mean, just for fun, uh...
29:46 H. Foley? How much would it cost to drive out, okay, let's say theoretically, how much you think it would roughly cost to drive it out from, from here? To wherever the first place that we're going?
29:56 Speaker 01 Pontiac.
29:57 H. Foley? I know, but I'm just saying in general.
29:59 Speaker 01 Luke, NYC to Detroit, drive, I think it's probably like 12 hours. It's not that far on a map.
30:05 Speaker 03 10 hours.
30:05 Speaker 01 10 hours. I pay, we pay, we pay Ryan D. one day, 10 hour day, drives out there, we meet him, the boys are whipping all through the fucking midwest.
30:15 H. Foley? Then we got, what are we doing with him?
30:16 Speaker 01 What do you mean?
30:17 H. Foley? He's hanging?
30:18 Speaker 01 Yeah.
30:18 H. Foley? Alright.
30:21 Speaker 01 Need a wheel man. You're all sauced up.
30:24 H. Foley? Plus he'll get used to driving the car.
30:27 Speaker 01 That's pretty good, I mean, we might have to do this actually. That's a pretty good time.
30:31 H. Foley? It's not a bad idea.
30:32 Speaker 01 Listen, I've, I've been wanting to do this and if you're okay with it, I can keep it in the burbs.
30:38 H. Foley? You're gonna park a van?
30:40 Speaker 01 Welcome to the neighborhood, dog.
30:43 H. Foley? Kids welcome.
30:45 Speaker 01 Free candy sign on it.
30:47 H. Foley? The back door is just always open. You're always just moving a couch out of the back of it with a, with a, the, the...
30:53 Speaker 01 The, the...
30:53 H. Foley? Damn! A cast on your arm. Buffalo Bill, so he got the governor's order.
31:00 Speaker 01 He got there.
31:01 H. Foley? Whatever.
31:02 Speaker 01 Uh...
31:02 H. Foley? I love that.
31:03 Speaker 01 Alright, we might fucking have to do this.
31:06 H. Foley? Cool.
31:06 Speaker 01 Uh, man, that just got, I love, I love a good...
31:09 H. Foley? Can we get it painted?
31:10 Speaker 01 I love a, yeah.
31:11 H. Foley? AYG colors?
31:12 Speaker 01 Nah, what are we, fuck, what are we, Power 99? Going up to do a street event or something?
31:18 H. Foley? Painting like one of those cheap weed trucks in the city?
31:21 Speaker 01 It's just mine, your face, our eyes are all bloodshot.
31:25 Speaker 01 Got a garage, or a garbage pail on our head.
31:28 H. Foley? Free lollipops at every purchase. Now, we could, it, it, is there any way?
31:34 Speaker 01 Listen.
31:35 H. Foley? Is there, listen to me.
31:35 Speaker 01 Hold on, wait one second. But I apologize. To any homies and or bozos out there that work in the automotive sales industry...
31:47 H. Foley? And or narcotics.
31:49 Speaker 01 In the tri-state area, they have a line on a good... I also like, but the problem is, these things break down. I mean, if our minivan breaks down that I rent it from Enterprise, that's fucking Enterprise's problem. This thing breaks down in fucking Toledo.
32:04 H. Foley? It's gotta be a good car.
32:05 Speaker 01 Gotta be a good car. Someone can run. I don't, I mean, we don't need someone with 200,000 miles on it.
32:12 H. Foley? Can we paint it the A-Team colors?
32:13 Speaker 01 See what a new one goes for.
32:15 H. Foley? Would you do that?
32:16 Speaker 01 What?
32:16 H. Foley? You wouldn't let me paint it the A-Team colors, would you?
32:19 Speaker 01 Uh...
32:20 H. Foley? You know what the A-Team colors are?
32:21 Speaker 01 Is it black with the red?
32:22 H. Foley? Yeah, the red stripe?
32:23 Speaker 01 Yeah, I would do it.
32:24 H. Foley? Really?
32:25 Speaker 01 I mean, why not? You're paying for it.
32:27 H. Foley? Ooh, that thing's sweet.
32:28 Speaker 01 81 grand! What's on it, I mean, an Escalade costs 81.
32:32 H. Foley? What the fuck? Let's see the pictures. Let's take a look.
32:36 Speaker 01 You can see the inside, the inside's more important. That thing is pretty fucking sweet, dude.
32:40 H. Foley? Why do you show this?
32:42 Speaker 01 Cause they're idiots.
32:43 H. Foley? The air.
32:45 Speaker 01 Got good...
32:45 H. Foley? Whoa!
32:47 Speaker 01 That's pretty nice.
32:48 Speaker 03 It's executive.
32:51 Speaker 01 Alright, I think, I mean, come on. It's got a globe on the headrest. We gotta do it. I'm an international businessman, goddamn.
32:57 H. Foley? Whoa!
32:58 Speaker 01 That's it. Alright. Luke, earmark that one. We just bought a, we just bought a fucking conversion van.
33:05 H. Foley? That's a 2024. That's brand new.
33:07 Speaker 01 How many miles on it?
33:09 H. Foley? Probably nothing. Couldn't move that thing.
33:12 Speaker 03 Is that just 86 miles, or is that 86 miles away?
33:14 Speaker 01 I think it's 86 miles.
33:16 H. Foley? Yeah, that's fucking, they, we didn't got lunch with it.
33:18 Speaker 01 No, no, no, because it's in Doylestown, Pennsylvania. It's 86 miles away.
33:20 Speaker 03 Yeah.
33:21 H. Foley? Ah, shit.
33:22 Speaker 01 Whatever. Alright. Everybody relax.
33:25 H. Foley? Whoa, 1,400 a month.
33:28 Speaker 01 Alright.
33:28 H. Foley? For 27 years. Okay, fair enough.
33:33 Speaker 01 Let your money work for you. Alright, all that's either here nor there. We may or may not be buying a conversion van for the back on the lot.
33:41 Speaker 01 I'm putting a cassette player in there.
33:44 H. Foley? Yeah, right.
33:45 Speaker 01 Um, alright, let's get into it. We got a Gosh darn Family episode on our hands, guys. As you know, when you join the old Patreon over there, we will answer, uh, you get to, you get to ask your garbage questions. We answer it on the air. It is a good friggin' time. Um, alright, let's see. This one's just funny. This is from Kippy's Flap Red Catering. Longtime listener, first time caller. You's ever take a girl on a date in a drive-through car wash? Man.
34:07 H. Foley? What the fuck?
34:07 Speaker 01 Hopefully you don't do it in that one, in that convertible, because you'd be jammed up. Um...
34:12 H. Foley? That's the date?
34:13 Speaker 01 That's a good ti- I mean, I, you figure you're 16, maybe? I'm assuming you're a young kid. You got a car. You don't really know where to go. You wanna-
34:19 H. Foley? Making a move in there.
34:20 Speaker 01 That's not bad, too.
34:21 H. Foley? You only got like a minute and a half.
34:22 Speaker 01 No, but, that's all I need. No one can, that's all I need to be shot down.
34:27 H. Foley? Okay, start backing out.
34:29 Speaker 01 I'm in the backseat naked? No, nothing?
34:32 H. Foley? Drives itself!
34:33 Speaker 01 I move quick. All you gotta say, no one can see in there. You got the wish, you, you got all the, all the wa-
34:39 H. Foley? The guy spraying, but it's part of the excitement.
34:42 Speaker 01 That's how I get my rocks off.
34:43 H. Foley? Sure, boy's taking a peek at you.
34:45 Speaker 01 Sure.
34:46 H. Foley? Don't let me do it.
34:47 Speaker 01 Uh, yeah, that's, uh, I mean, that's, it's kitsch. Who doesn't love going in it, though?
34:53 H. Foley? My favorite.
34:54 Speaker 01 Yeah, there's not many that you can do it anymore.
34:56 H. Foley? So cozy about being in there. When the soap gets all over it and it gets like that, the, the, it dampens the sound. You're in your own little world, just you and her.
35:07 Speaker 01 Make a move?
35:08 H. Foley? Make a move.
35:09 Speaker 01 I'm with it.
35:10 H. Foley? You ever make out in a car?
35:12 Speaker 01 Yeah.
35:13 H. Foley? Have ya?
35:13 Speaker 01 Made out in a car?
35:14 H. Foley? Yeah.
35:15 Speaker 01 What am I, Amish? Yeah, who hasn't made out in a car?
35:18 H. Foley? I don't know.
35:18 Speaker 01 He was a nice guy. He was my teacher, my gym teacher, Mr. Duncan.
35:25 Speaker 01 Shout out to Mr. Duncan, dude. Was it Mr. Duncan?
35:28 H. Foley? Dunking that ass.
35:31 Speaker 01 Dunking his dick in my ass.
35:35 Speaker 01 Dunking his balls in my mouth. How you doing? Um, Mr. Duncan, I don't know if it was Duncan. Mr. I think there was a Dunn. There was a Mr. Whitmer. He was our classic gym teacher.
35:48 H. Foley? There was always a Mr. Dunn.
35:49 Speaker 01 There was a-
35:50 H. Foley? Or a Mrs. Dunn.
35:51 Speaker 01 There was a, there was a Mr. and Mrs. Dunn, not related. Mr. Dunn was a soccer coach who like, grew up with my uncles or something. I was always, "You're Larry, you're Larry's nephew," or so you get hit with something, yeah, yeah, yeah.
36:02 H. Foley? Your head's as big as he told me.
36:04 Speaker 01 It's big, bigger than I thought, kid. He's smoking. I ain't seen nothing like that since then. Alright, sorry, sir. On my way.
36:15 H. Foley? Have they named that deformity yet?
36:19 Speaker 01 Uh, let's see here. Um, that's a good time, though. I, I do respect, uh, I do respect the car wash. That's, I, there's not that many that let you do it anymore. Right?
36:31 H. Foley? Well, you gotta get out, cause you gotta do the fucking, they gotta do the inside.
36:34 Speaker 01 Yeah.
36:35 H. Foley? Which is a real gray area with car washes, can I tell you that?
36:40 H. Foley? When I go to my, when I go to my guys, okay, when I, when I go to the car wash, I say, "Give me like the,
36:47 Speaker 01 Works.
36:48 H. Foley? The in and out one, the works.
36:50 Speaker 01 It's always the works.
36:51 H. Foley? I'll do the seal and whatever, the tires, I like the tires being done. But I say, "Really do the inside."
36:57 Speaker 01 It's a lot of, oh, french fries in between the seats.
37:00 H. Foley? A lot of french fries, there's a lot of fucking crumpled up, you know, there's a lot of croissant shavings in there.
37:06 Speaker 01 Flakes, a lot of flakes.
37:07 H. Foley? Yes.
37:07 Speaker 01 Poo tree fingernails.
37:09 H. Foley? From a specific time, and I just had it done a week ago. Cause when we got back from fucking vacation, it looked like somebody had taken a shit all over the car. Like it was just, it was way dirtier than when we left. Like somebody went mud driving in it. But I assume it was just something in the garage. And you go over there, like a pipe or something like that. It looked like somebody had splatted my car.
37:30 Speaker 01 Okay.
37:31 H. Foley? With something. It's really, it did.
37:33 Speaker 01 Might have been Mr. Duncan. Came over there, blasted you one.
37:36 H. Foley? Chipping up my ass.
37:40 H. Foley? Anyway.
37:42 H. Foley? You say, do the inside, they kinda give you a little pushback. Like, like, oh, if you want the inside really done, you gotta get the detail.
37:49 Speaker 01 Yeah, sometimes like you'll see it, I don't, listen, I, my, my car's always a fucking mess. But I just did it not too long ago. And then you get in and like, you just see like, they did like one wipe over the dashboard. I'm like, you just made it look worse, cause I can see where you missed now. Before it was all just kinda dirty. And my eyes adjusted to it, and I didn't realize it. But now there's one clean streak where you, where your rag was.
38:11 H. Foley? I, I stand there and I, I, you make sure that I tipped him, I give him 10 bucks.
38:16 Speaker 01 I don't, I don't understand why they do the bucket. My place does the bucket and like, they don't even like, address you for the cash. Like, they're just, you put it in the bucket, but I wanted to let you know I'm greasing you good, cause I grease good.
38:28 H. Foley? Yeah.
38:29 Speaker 01 But they don't.
38:29 H. Foley? You want the points.
38:30 Speaker 01 They like scary off, and I'm like, hey, come back.
38:33 H. Foley? I always hand it right to them, hey, thank you so much.
38:35 Speaker 01 Their net, dude, I, mine, they, they, five guys or girls, it's, it's very eclectic crew mine, my, my place has. It's all over, it's all different walks of life. It's crazy dude, everyone's all over it and then going on to the next one, it's, I don't like it.
38:49 H. Foley? Gang, the show is sponsored by Liquid IV, baby.
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39:05 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
39:07 H. Foley? An enclave.
39:09 Speaker 01 I don't think that's right.
39:10 H. Foley? Enclave?
39:10 Speaker 01 No.
39:11 H. Foley? Um, a cornucopia.
39:13 Speaker 01 A cornucopia.
39:14 H. Foley? A ray.
39:15 Speaker 01 Of flavors.
39:15 H. Foley? Of flavors, delicious flavors, I'm talking about Concord grape, I'm talking about lemon lime, talking about sugar free peach. How you doing? Concord grape's my favorite, it's the best, listen, if you're out drinking, right before you go to bed.
39:29 Speaker 01 That's a kippy.
39:31 H. Foley? That's a kippy?
39:31 Speaker 01 That's a kippy.
39:33 H. Foley? Tippy says, "If you're out drinking,"
39:35 Speaker 01 Like I do.
39:37 H. Foley? "Chug one of those before you go to bed. You're gonna wake up feeling fresh."
39:39 Speaker 01 It does the work while you're snoring, baby. But listen, I'm off the sauce a little bit. Now I use it. I only ever used to use them when I was hungover. Now I use them when I wake up and I'm not hungover.
39:49 H. Foley? Great.
39:50 Speaker 01 I feel like a million bucks. Who knew? A little hydration makes you-
39:53 H. Foley? Then you start with the waters.
39:54 Speaker 01 Woo, doggy.
39:55 H. Foley? Feels good.
39:55 Speaker 01 It's better than a water. It's fantastic.
39:57 H. Foley? Oh, come on.
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40:13 H. Foley? Yeah. Kev, we gotta talk about Shopify.
40:15 Speaker 01 Shopify.
40:16 H. Foley? Now, they probably know about Shopify, but they might not know about Shopify, because if you bought something online from a good spot, they're probably using Shopify.
40:25 Speaker 01 Everyone's using Shopify.
40:25 H. Foley? Because they're the industry leader.
40:27 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
40:27 H. Foley? You know who else uses Shopify?
40:29 Speaker 01 We do. Yeah, we're a Shopify company, man.
40:31 H. Foley? Best checkout in the game, baby. If you want to take your small business seriously, you gotta have Shopify. Otherwise, what are you doing?
40:37 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
40:38 H. Foley? You might as well be selling jewelry out of the back of your trunk.
40:41 Speaker 01 Which ain't nothing wrong with it, but get on the web. Start, listen. Shopify, we have a lot of-
40:45 H. Foley? The world wide web.
40:46 Speaker 01 We have, we have a lot-
40:47 H. Foley? WWW.
40:48 Speaker 01 We have a lot of small businesses out there. A lot of people with side hustles.
40:51 H. Foley? A lot of hustlers.
40:52 Speaker 01 A lot of woodworkers.
40:53 H. Foley? A hustler.
40:53 Speaker 01 Craftsmen doing this, I'm doing that. Shopify can help your business in 2025. Listen, say you are selling, you know, jewelry out of your trunk. Get online. Let Shopify help you do that, baby. It is a fantastic product. It's the big man's store. We're doing it. We use it. You can get your store up and running easily with thousands of customizable templates. No coding or design skill required. Alls you need to do is drag and drop, beep boop, pop boop.
41:17 H. Foley? I can do it.
41:17 Speaker 01 Big man can do it. He didn't, but he could.
41:19 H. Foley? I could.
41:20 Speaker 01 Uh, if you don't act now, you're gonna regret if someone beats you to the idea. Don't kick yourself again. Do it. Take 2025 by the horns and go after it, baby. Established in 2025, has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? Sign up for your $1 per month trial at Shopify.com/garbage. All lowercase. Go to Shopify.com/garbage to start selling with Shopify today. Shopify.com/garbage. Do it. I like the cash in the hand.
41:45 H. Foley? Sure.
41:46 Speaker 01 There you go.
41:46 H. Foley? I always hand my-
41:47 Speaker 01 It's a one, but still.
41:48 H. Foley? I hand my ticket back. Because they give you a ticket. Like, give them this. I put the 5 out of 10 in the ticket.
41:56 H. Foley? Always.
41:56 Speaker 01 Also, like, whenever-
41:57 H. Foley? I've stolen a bunch of their rags, too, by the way.
41:59 Speaker 01 Sure.
42:00 H. Foley? Those little green chammies?
42:01 Speaker 01 I know.
42:02 H. Foley? I got like four of them in my trunk. Ah, let me real quick.
42:04 Speaker 01 It's disgusting.
42:06 H. Foley? Pull out of there. Those things are great.
42:07 Speaker 01 Um, yeah, you can also just like buy the- you can also just- they're like 99 cents for a pack of 10. We have them in here.
42:13 H. Foley? These are worn out and ready to go, though.
42:16 Speaker 01 Yeah, with like other people's dirt and chemicals all over.
42:18 H. Foley? Come on.
42:19 Speaker 01 You're in there blowing your nose with it and stuff. A little dabble, do ya?
42:23 H. Foley? And I know they know, when they look in the trunk, that that's theirs.
42:28 Speaker 01 I also don't like that they go in the trunk. I got shit back there. You're fucking rooting around. A trunk is a sacred- but you ain't the cops. You need a warrant for that shit. You can't just go popping that.
42:37 H. Foley? They're cleaning it.
42:38 Speaker 01 Nah. There's- a trunk is a person's private closet. That's not for- that's not for public people to see.
42:45 H. Foley? You're crazy.
42:46 Speaker 01 No.
42:46 H. Foley? What do you got going on? You got weed in here, Calvin?
42:49 Speaker 01 I mean, I-
42:50 H. Foley? Ew!
42:50 Speaker 01 I'm just saying, the rest of the car is presented to go, "This is ready to be cleaned." I take all the shit that's in the car, the front of the car, and I put it in the trunk. That's my- it's my storage domicile.
43:02 H. Foley? Sure.
43:03 Speaker 01 You know? And then they go popping that to do like the window. I'm like, whoa! That fucking- now all my business is out on Front Street.
43:10 H. Foley? Dirty panties and dildos are in there.
43:13 Speaker 01 Vibrators fall off.
43:15 H. Foley? Like the little teeth?
43:17 Speaker 01 It's a loner. The car's mine. The car's not mine.
43:20 H. Foley? I had a conversion van coming, actually.
43:22 Speaker 01 Oh, did I ever tell you the time, uh, my dad rented a car for like months from Enterprise? Our car had gotten removed from our possession.
43:32 H. Foley? Sure.
43:33 Speaker 01 Repo man came and took it. I believe. Now, looking back, I'm putting all the pieces together. I think that's what happened.
43:40 H. Foley? A friend wasn't borrowing it.
43:41 Speaker 01 Sure. I was- I remember being like, "What's with-" whatever. He rented a car from Enterprise, 'cause like I guess the- whatever, I don't wanna get into it. I guess he was just like, "Ah, this is- this is 20 bucks a day at the- like, I can-"
43:55 H. Foley? Aren't those payments just about as much as the car, though, at the end of the day?
43:59 Speaker 01 What do you mean?
44:00 H. Foley? Like, to rent a car for a m- for a month?
44:03 Speaker 01 I'm sure. I- I don't know. I don't know. Whatever. I don't know why he was- listen, I don't know. But we were in a- a rental car for a long time, to the point where I remember Enterprise was like calling the house, being like, "But you still have that? You gotta- this was crazy."
44:19 H. Foley? Do you remember what the plates were? You've told me this before, but do you- not the plates, but do you remember what the plates were? Were you driving around Pennsylvania with, like, Arizona plates?
44:26 Speaker 01 Oregon or something, yeah, probably, like a U-Haul. Those things are all- I didn't keep track of them fucking things.
44:31 H. Foley? I don't know.
44:32 Speaker 01 Yeah. Nah, yeah, I just remember being like, "Jeez." This is- that's when it hit me, like, this ain't- who the- you know? It was a blue neon, too, if I remember correctly. It was a couple of times this had happened.
44:44 Speaker 01 I used to- I used to have to drive it to, like, pull up when I was working. We were all working together. I was like, pull up to, like, fucking supply houses or job sites, and then neon, blue neon. With, like, it had, like, blue on the wheels, too.
44:56 Speaker 01 It was like- it was when it was, like, trying to be like a Scion. You remember that? Like, those, like, there was like a light in it, and like, it was like a tricked-out neon. I mean, d- yeah. I mean, those things are sad. That thing kinda fucking whipped work, though, if I'm being honest with you. That thing- that thing's like a little go-kart, dude. Me and Vinnie with the skinny used to fucking, boop-boop. We'd go fucking scooting around in that thing. That was an alright time.
45:20 H. Foley? The racing stripes are alright.
45:22 Speaker 01 Sure.
45:23 H. Foley? We have to get some ti- i- if, for some reason, we ever would be able to pull off the fucking conversion van, we gotta get some type of paint job.
45:30 Speaker 01 Sure. I mean, we can get a loan. I mean, we can- I mean, we're- we can't buy it cash, but we can fucking- we can take on a car payment, where, I mean, we are a- we are a pretty successful company. We can- we can take on all car payment.
45:46 H. Foley? I call shotgun and back right, at my discretion. Cause I'm gonna be able to open the door, and get out.
45:53 Speaker 01 This might- this might be sick. Right? The only thing is, you gotta get it out.
45:59 H. Foley? If we get the AKs.
46:01 Speaker 01 Can't take them across state lines, dude.
46:04 H. Foley? A-Team did it. They don't know.
46:05 Speaker 01 These guys are a couple of renegades, huh? That's a different time back then.
46:08 H. Foley? Soldiers of fortune. Yeah, very true.
46:10 Speaker 01 Sure. Um, I don't think, uh- I think it could work. We just gotta find the right guy to get it out there and get it back.
46:21 Speaker 01 I don't know who that is. And it ain't me.
46:24 H. Foley? I'll do it. I'll meet yous out there. Give me a couple of days to get my head clear. Clear my thoughts.
46:31 Speaker 01 Alright, man. You'd be jerking off in that thing like crazy. And you know it. You'd be wailing on yourself. You'd be taking yourself to the car wash if you catch my drift.
46:40 H. Foley? I'd have that thing sold for drug money before I hit the GW.
46:45 Speaker 01 I see you in my neighborhood.
46:47 H. Foley? Two days later.
46:48 Speaker 01 What the fuck? You're supposed to be in Pontiac, Michigan for the back on the block door.
46:52 H. Foley? I'm sleeping in it.
46:54 Speaker 01 You're in that car. You're in the convertible. Hey, Kippy, I traded this straight up to some kid in town. Good deal.
47:04 H. Foley? Bad news. Okay.
47:07 Speaker 01 Ah, damn, that's a good friggin' time. Um, alright, let's see here. This one's from Fat Court Public Defender.
47:15 H. Foley? What?
47:16 Speaker 01 Is it garbage for my dad to refuse that he needs reading glasses and instead, he carried around a magnifying glass for 10 years? I've seen that in practice.
47:26 H. Foley? That's worse, man.
47:28 Speaker 01 It's like, well, what are you, like a detective, all this stuff? Like a detective from the 1400s all of a sudden? That's insane. How do you think, like, what embarrassed? I'd be way more embarrassed pulling out a magnifying glass than a set of readers. I mean, readers are so commonly used at this point.
47:45 H. Foley? Yeah. I have multifocal lenses in my contacts.
47:49 Speaker 01 What's that mean? Focus on multiple foods at a time.
47:53 H. Foley? I can see your thoughts.
47:54 Speaker 01 Yikes.
47:56 H. Foley? They're reading glasses inside the contacts, but they get real...
47:59 Speaker 01 Who are you, the Terminator? You got the little green, red thing. You're like a fighter jet's tracking system. I'm engaged, take the shot, take the shot.
48:13 H. Foley? Yeah, if I looked down...
48:14 Speaker 01 Someone's on me, they're locked in. You're panicking.
48:16 H. Foley? If I looked down...
48:18 Speaker 01 Really?
48:18 H. Foley? Yeah, it's bifocal.
48:20 Speaker 01 We got them bifocal contacts?
48:22 H. Foley? Bifocal contacts.
48:24 Speaker 01 Whoa.
48:25 H. Foley? Yeah, I'm point, or I'm plus.
48:28 Speaker 01 500 pounds.
48:29 H. Foley? 1.75 reading. I don't know what that means, but that's what I need to read.
48:36 H. Foley? However, they get mixed up a little bit, because they move, they do, they move around in your eyes.
48:42 Speaker 01 Yeah, no shit.
48:43 H. Foley? And you can't really see shit well, especially on the phone. I'm doing like-
48:46 Speaker 01 Oh, you're not driving a van. This is crazy.
48:49 H. Foley? Sometimes like I gotta hold it like that, or like I can't read.
48:54 Speaker 01 He blinked and then blinked again. You're like an alien.
48:57 H. Foley? Like this is pretty good, but like I would have to like-
48:59 Speaker 01 Is it like the bottom half of the contact kinda?
49:02 H. Foley? Yeah, like the closer I get it to it, I can't read that stuff, but if I move it away, I can see it. Point is, I'm thinking about ditching them and just going with the readers. Not the half readers, but you get full glasses and you just keep them here and you put them on.
49:17 Speaker 01 Yeah.
49:17 H. Foley? It's kinda distinguished for an older gentleman.
49:20 Speaker 01 I don't disagree. I think you, you, you play very young.
49:24 H. Foley? Chick-stagging.
49:24 Speaker 01 You play very young. You look younger than you are.
49:27 H. Foley? Which is weird with the guy got the readers. I'll think some-
49:29 Speaker 01 I'm just saying, I think it's gonna-
49:30 H. Foley? Got hit with a bat.
49:31 Speaker 01 It's gonna age you quick. It's gonna visual, I listen, I think you look great.
49:35 H. Foley? What'd you say?
49:37 Speaker 01 You're gonna be like, you're, you're gonna be like your, uh, your character from Uncle Daycare.
49:41 H. Foley? Uh huh.
49:42 Speaker 01 Yeah, you, you, cause they hang, they, they, they hang on your nose and you looked at, it's, it's, I think it's gonna be a tough look for you.
49:48 H. Foley? When a good looking older guy has them, they look good.
49:50 Speaker 01 Which you are not.
49:51 H. Foley? I'm aware. Like when you see like Ruffalo or like a Timothy Olyphant fan.
49:56 Speaker 01 Oh, movie stars? You mean hot guy movie stars?
50:00 H. Foley? Yeah, they look pretty cool doing it.
50:01 Speaker 01 Yeah.
50:03 H. Foley? But-
50:04 Speaker 01 You're gonna have the fucking, you might as well get a set of Rex bags. You're gonna have the string in the back. The croakies? Yeah.
50:10 H. Foley? The ones that snap?
50:11 Speaker 01 Ah, man, I got, I got two triuncles that wear them things and they're like looking at a spark plug or something. They fucking, they pull it up. It's always like a mechanic-
50:19 H. Foley? But that's when you know they mean business.
50:21 Speaker 01 That guy, that guy's working for a living.
50:23 H. Foley? It's getting done.
50:23 Speaker 01 That guy, that guy, that guy ain't an accountant. He's, he's got grease on his fingers and there's a lot of stuff in his front pocket.
50:29 H. Foley? But a magnifying glass.
50:31 Speaker 01 Nothing on that. The magnifying glass is crazy.
50:34 H. Foley? That's crazy.
50:35 Speaker 01 I've seen it once on, I've seen it once on the Metro North when I was coming home from New Rochelle. A woman had it out looking at the newspaper. I was like, "Tuts." "You gotta buy you a set of readers. What are we doing here?" "This is crazy. You look like a bird. I'll never forget it."
50:48 H. Foley? Honey, you need a two-piece and a fucking Brazilian. What's going on? Right? I don't know.
50:52 Speaker 01 Okay. What?
50:55 H. Foley? Let's ever tighten it up a little bit. Young it down. No?
50:59 Speaker 01 I still not, I don't follow.
51:01 H. Foley? You don't know what a two-piece and a Brazilian is? And you're telling me you're making out in a car?
51:05 Speaker 01 You're saying this girl once?
51:06 H. Foley? This lady should.
51:08 Speaker 01 She should, she was like 80.
51:09 H. Foley? Still.
51:11 Speaker 01 Okay. Alright, I'm just, I'm sorry, I got lost in the riff.
51:13 H. Foley? Make an effort.
51:14 Speaker 01 Alright, I got lost in the riff.
51:15 H. Foley? Put that away.
51:17 Speaker 01 Yeah, let's start with a pair of readers. And maybe a tube top. Wait, you jumped right to the two-piece.
51:22 H. Foley? Still did a Brazilian. Cleaned it up down there.
51:26 Speaker 01 It is the 2000s.
51:27 H. Foley? I'm the asshole.
51:28 Speaker 01 I just got lost in the riff. Um...
51:34 Speaker 01 This is a good name. This is from Bacon, Egg & Cheeks.
51:38 Speaker 01 That guy be fucking.
51:42 H. Foley? Woo, salt, pepper, ketchup.
51:45 Speaker 01 Salt, pepper, raw dog.
51:47 H. Foley? Bacon, egg & cheeks is good.
51:51 Speaker 01 That's alright, man. Uh, alright, let's see. Uh, $10 homie, never had one read. "Are you garbage if to get out of a bet, you claim you said doll hairs instead of dollars?" My buddy Dustin taught me about doll hairs and it blew my seven-year-old mind. I ran around school betting, betting the house on everything.
52:15 H. Foley? I say doll hairs. What happens when you gotta make good with the doll hair?
52:19 Speaker 01 Go in my sister's room, start fucking, get the sheers out.
52:24 H. Foley? Did your sister play with dolls? Did she have dolls?
52:26 Speaker 01 Uh, I mean, she was ju- I was-
52:28 H. Foley? Did you go rooting around and looking at them?
52:31 Speaker 01 By the time I had come of, you know, came, came online, her doll, she was older, so no.
52:38 H. Foley? No? You weren't looking under the dresses of Polly Pocket or whoever it was?
52:43 Speaker 01 No, I think she was a Cabbage Patch gal at the time. Um...
52:48 H. Foley? They didn't do it for you?
52:50 Speaker 01 It was more of an American dream doll, American girl doll, whatever it is, um.
52:55 H. Foley? Slide your ass in that Corvette and take it for a spin.
52:57 Speaker 01 Nah, we never, she, there was no, looking back, there was no real
53:04 Speaker 01 uh feminine toy game in the house when I was growing up. I mean, she's five years older than me.
53:10 H. Foley? Sure.
53:11 Speaker 01 So by the time I'm four, she's nine, she was into sports. Yeah, it's like, it was very much my brother's, whatever, you know.
53:18 H. Foley? I didn't mind the nice dollhouse when I was a kid. I thought they were cool.
53:21 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm. I remember one I could fit in at my, my dad's mom.
53:25 H. Foley? What?
53:25 Speaker 01 Yeah, it was my, my dad's mom.
53:28 H. Foley? I think that was just the apartment you guys were living in.
53:30 Speaker 01 My grandmom, Babs. We'd go down to her house and could smell this, they had this steepest set of stairs to get to the basement and they were carpeted with that shag car, that dude. I fell down them fucking stairs 38 times. Like really, it was like a drum roll, dude, my fat ass sliding. And like, you never fell, you didn't tumble, you just landed on your butt and
53:55 Speaker 01 coming out like, coming out like the cop from the slide, fucking flying out.
53:59 H. Foley? It scared the shit out of you though.
54:00 Speaker 01 Oh my dude, heart.
54:01 H. Foley? You'd catch that in your socks, fresh pair of whites.
54:04 Speaker 01 Cause I was always over there on like Christmas and stuff, so I was fucking, I had a freshie on.
54:10 Speaker 01 I'd go down.
54:11 H. Foley? Ruin my good cacti's.
54:13 Speaker 01 My uncle lived down there too, for a period of time, and I remember rooting around. But there was a dollhouse, so I guess one of my cousins, one of the, one of my older girl cousins had this doll, it was a big dollhouse. And I could go in and bang, like, I could go in and, I could climb in it.
54:29 H. Foley? Really?
54:29 Speaker 01 It was like a, you know, one of those big, older, I think it was for like more Cabbage Patch sized dolls, not like, yeah. I remember rooting around in there, looking for some broads.
54:42 H. Foley? Going through the pockets of the doll.
54:43 Speaker 01 Looking for some undies in there or something.
54:47 Speaker 01 Some Cabbage Patch undies.
54:48 H. Foley? Oh hello.
54:50 Speaker 01 I got them in my, got them on my head, my uncle comes, what the hell you son of a-
54:56 Speaker 01 I was also, I remember, uh, that side of the family, my, I'm not even really sure if they were ever married. A gentleman who hung around, I called-
55:08 H. Foley? An aunt?
55:09 Speaker 01 What?
55:09 H. Foley? Wait, the guy, the guy was-
55:11 Speaker 01 He wasn't, yeah, I think he had, I don't know-
55:14 H. Foley? He was hanging around one of your aunts?
55:16 Speaker 01 Yeah, I don't know if they were ever married at the time, if they were, it was before my, my, my remembering, but he was my cousin's dad.
55:24 H. Foley? Okay.
55:25 Speaker 01 Does that make sense?
55:26 H. Foley? Yeah. Did he later disappear?
55:29 Speaker 01 I don't know what, yeah, he never came around, but I remember one time he was in a wife beater and those light blue, uh-
55:36 H. Foley? This all adds up.
55:37 Speaker 01 Light blue, um, uh, jean shorts, like the early, like, they were from the eighties, this is probably 91, and these are like 88's he's got on, you know what I mean, the light, light wash ones.
55:50 H. Foley? Sure.
55:51 Speaker 01 Hem, nice hem, and like, these were, these were jean shorts when jean shorts were frickin jean shorts.
55:56 H. Foley? I got you.
55:58 Speaker 01 Big pair of hot, white high tops and white high socks, as Joe 3rd as you can get.
56:03 H. Foley? So he did drugs?
56:05 Speaker 01 I don't, I mean, I don't, I don't think he was doing green juices. Uh, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know the man, I couldn't pick that, this is my only memory-
56:13 H. Foley? You still see the aunt?
56:14 Speaker 01 No, we don't really talk to that side of it, I talked to some, some of them.
56:17 H. Foley? I got, but this is a time where you did.
56:19 Speaker 01 This is a time where, yeah, we'd go over there.
56:21 H. Foley? And he was your direct cousin's father?
56:22 Speaker 01 Yeah.
56:23 H. Foley? So for all intents and purposes, this was your aunt and uncle?
56:25 Speaker 01 That was my aunt, sure.
56:27 H. Foley? Sure.
56:27 Speaker 01 That was my aunt, but then he was, they had, I don't know if they were ever together, they separated, I'm not, I don't, I don't, I don't remember-
56:33 H. Foley? Isn't it funny as a kid, when you get that vibe, you know that like, this guy's not really some, this guy's a fringe.
56:40 Speaker 01 Uncle Jimmy.
56:41 H. Foley? Uncle Jimmy. Sure.
56:44 Speaker 01 And my brother got a, a relatively, I'm sure I've told, a relatively souped up race car for- I don't know, that's some gift. And he took it down there to like show off my cousins, like yo, look what I got.
56:56 H. Foley? What, like a RC car?
56:57 Speaker 01 Yeah, but it was like a little more revved up.
56:59 H. Foley? I got it.
57:00 Speaker 01 It wasn't like a toy, it was not like a one-
57:01 H. Foley? One of the good ones.
57:02 Speaker 01 It was a good one.
57:03 H. Foley? Yeah, with gas?
57:04 Speaker 01 No, but like-
57:05 H. Foley? A two-stroke?
57:05 Speaker 01 No, but one of those big batteries. Not like double A's, like it had like a, you had to charge-
57:10 H. Foley? We're not talking about some Radio Shack thing that didn't work at the end of Christmas.
57:13 Speaker 01 No, no, this thing, this thing moved. Okay. And had like the base, the top, the ki- the body that came off and he could just ride around as the car.
57:20 H. Foley? I don't think he ever told us this.
57:21 Speaker 01 And he, I remember he goes, yo, this thing. Cause we were, we were cook- we were cooking in the back alley. Cause like the ba- there was like, it was a row home, it's like a bunch of row homes back up to an alley and we were zzzp, zzzp, zzzp, you know? And he goes, I can't wait to get this thing over to the baseball field and jump off the pitcher's mound. And I was like, what dude? I remember being like, you're a grown man, you have children and you wanna ju- Like he was like, let's go over to the baseball field and launch this thing off the pitcher's mound.
57:56 Speaker 01 Life beater and all.
57:59 H. Foley? Ah, he didn't give a fuck if that thing broke.
58:01 Speaker 01 He had a heater going.
58:03 H. Foley? He might as well said, let's go throw this thing off the roof.
58:08 H. Foley? What a fucking dirtbag. That's fucked up, dude.
58:14 Speaker 01 It's all sm-.
58:15 H. Foley? Your brother's crying. I'm going back to the house with some of that green bean casserole.
58:21 Speaker 01 Launch it off the pitcher's mound.
58:23 H. Foley? What a piece of shit, dude.
58:26 Speaker 01 He had the longest cig's I've ever seen in my life. These things were like two fifties, dude. I remember, cause like my, everybody smoked and he would bust these, he was smoking noobies, if I recall. That was one thing I always knew as a kid, I always deciphered who smoked what and I really judged him for it. If you had, well, my dad was a big part of my life and he was a Reds guy, so if you, I gave you in and around air, my stepdad was-
58:50 H. Foley? Sure.
58:51 Speaker 01 Was Winston, so I gave you that, but if you've rolled up smoking some I ain't never seen before.
58:56 H. Foley? We had a family friend, a lady-
58:57 Speaker 01 You were smoking Camels, yikes.
59:00 H. Foley? We had a family friend who was a lady, smoked Merritt.
59:04 H. Foley? I didn't know what they were, they looked weird and they were always in a soft pack-
59:08 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
59:09 H. Foley? And I didn't trust her as far as I could throw her.
59:11 Speaker 01 Sure.
59:12 H. Foley? Send her off the pitcher's mound.
59:14 Speaker 01 Let's launch you off the pitcher's mound. Yeah, man, it was, I think it might, I'm not even joking, I think it might have broke. Doing that, because I remember vibes being down when we went back to the house. And I remember him being, ah, yeah, I might genuinely might have happened. Just tumbled.
59:35 H. Foley? I had a, uh...
59:36 Speaker 01 The body cracked, that's what it was. They had like the thin body. And that cracked.
59:42 H. Foley? Mm-hmm.
59:43 Speaker 01 Yeah, whatever.
59:44 H. Foley? I had a, uh, a friend in this one neighborhood that we lived in, she was the only person that I was friends with, really. It was like a time where like me and my brother weren't really like hanging that much, it was only like a year or two.
59:57 Speaker 01 That's an age thing.
59:58 H. Foley? Probably like ten, or whatever.
1:00:00 Speaker 01 Yeah, he's twelve or something, it's like, it's a little bit of like, I don't want to hang out with my little brother anymore.
1:00:04 H. Foley? Yeah, and I got a Starscreamer, Starscream, the Transformer.
1:00:08 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:00:09 H. Foley? Okay? And this was big for me. This was big to have this Starscream.
1:00:15 H. Foley? And I was playing with it over there, and her, like, the guy that was fucking her mom.
1:00:18 Speaker 01 What?
1:00:19 H. Foley? That's the only way I can describe it, it was a dude she was dating. He was some sleaze ball that had a fucking, uh, used car dealership in town. He always smelled like so much cologne, like, so much. He was like fucking with it or something like that, like I brought it over there, and like he dropped like this... He dropped like a, like a piece of plywood on it, and it shattered the cockpit. And I remember him just like not giving a fuck, and being like, ah, hey, it still works though, you're alright. Like, pussy, I just fuck, my mom just bought this thing.
1:00:49 Speaker 01 This ain't even paid off yet. I used to, I used to get yelled at that, if I get new clothes or a new toy or something on a credit card. And then I broke it in the first third, before that billing cycle. This ain't even fricking paid for yet! I'm still fricking paying this off!
1:01:05 H. Foley? Gee, think, what do you think I walked into when I walked in and Patty saw the damage on a fucking, a goddamn transforming jet?
1:01:11 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:01:12 H. Foley? Freaking out. It's called the Department of Defense. He's thrown in jail for cheating.
1:01:16 Speaker 01 Somebody get me Rumsfeld on this.
1:01:18 H. Foley? This fucking dirtbag.
1:01:20 Speaker 01 Uh-huh.
1:01:20 H. Foley? Hate it, that guy.
1:01:22 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's, that's, yeah, I get it, I totally get it, that sucks.
1:01:26 H. Foley? His last name was the name of an insect.
1:01:28 Speaker 01 Bug? Roach.
1:01:30 H. Foley? Yeah.
1:01:32 H. Foley? Fucking scumbag.
1:01:33 Speaker 01 Okay, Jesus Christ, so see you hold a grudge.
1:01:37 H. Foley? It's Starscream we're talking about here.
1:01:39 Speaker 01 Sure.
1:01:39 H. Foley? Same Bumblebee, one of the little ones. That was, that was like a, a tie end one. That was expensive.
1:01:44 Speaker 01 I've only ever broke one thing.
1:01:46 H. Foley? You know how many jeans Patty had to sew to get me that?
1:01:48 Speaker 01 Sure. I broke my buddy's dad's hammer. And he got real mad at like, too mad at me. I was like, I'll get you a hammer. I'll get you a new hammer.
1:01:57 H. Foley? How'd you break his hammer?
1:01:59 Speaker 01 We were hitting rocks.
1:02:05 Speaker 01 It was me and Vinnie with the skinny. He got two hammers.
1:02:08 H. Foley? Was it Vinnie's dad's hammer?
1:02:09 Speaker 01 Yeah. Shout out to, I love, I love Vinnie's dad. Vinnie's dad's fantastic. We were young and I just get it. He was like, he probably just bought it and then it's just like, you weren't even.
1:02:19 H. Foley? Was it wooden? How do you break a hammer?
1:02:21 Speaker 01 You're smashing rocks. He just, it's just hitting like, hard rock, like in like, in the earth rocks, not like.
1:02:29 H. Foley? I still don't see how you would be able to generate enough torque to break it. I guess.
1:02:37 Speaker 01 No, I think it might have, I don't, I forget. I don't think I broke the front. I think I broke the claw maybe. Like I like, was trying to pick something out and took the tooth off the claw. Man, he did, I'll give it to him. He didn't yell at me, but Vinnie caught a rash in his shit.
1:02:53 H. Foley? I always respect that dad. Wouldn't yell at you, but screamed at the kid.
1:02:56 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
1:02:56 H. Foley? Just standing in a corner like, hey, you fucked up.
1:02:59 Speaker 01 I'm just like, thank you for taking the brunt of this and not making it weird.
1:03:03 H. Foley? Cause the dad who yelled at you, fuck that guy.
1:03:05 Speaker 01 Yeah, I don't think I've ever really had it. Also like, uh, my buddy's dads, anytime they lost it, it was always directed at, they always played it right not to scream at you. I mean, I think if you were to scream at me,
1:03:22 Speaker 01 that's, I mean, I don't know.
1:03:24 H. Foley? You're not coming back. You'll take your turkey sandwich to go.
1:03:29 Speaker 01 Can you wrap this up, please? I'm s-
1:03:32 H. Foley? Push the plate away.
1:03:35 Speaker 01 Need some more bread?
1:03:36 H. Foley? I'll be directed to the kitchen telephone, please.
1:03:39 Speaker 01 Can somebody call my father?
1:03:43 H. Foley? I'm gonna get the blue neon over here ASAP.
1:03:48 Speaker 01 Yeah, that now, I don't think I've ever, I've never been in like a really weird, tough situation like that with someone else's parents that I can recall.
1:03:56 H. Foley? I have.
1:03:57 Speaker 01 I'm sure you're a fucking pest. You're a bit of a roach yourself.
1:04:02 H. Foley? I heard my one buddy's mom screaming at me.
1:04:03 Speaker 01 I, there's nothing I understand more.
1:04:07 H. Foley? I was looking for him. I came in and I was like, "Yo!" I yelled. She's like, "Why don't yell in this house?" I was like, "Bitch."
1:04:15 H. Foley? Think I'm staying for dinner. You're sorely mistaken. They're gonna stay here and eat all your food and leave. Take a dump in your toilet and get out of here. You're wrong.
1:04:26 Speaker 01 Taking, I'm taking my talents down to fucking Justin's house.
1:04:31 H. Foley? Well, they'll be having meatloaf tonight.
1:04:34 H. Foley? Alright.
1:04:35 Speaker 01 Alright, let's see here. Um, this one's from Josh Ramsey. New $10 telly nut. Never had one read.
1:04:42 H. Foley? There you go.
1:04:42 Speaker 01 Is it garbage to have a few shower beers on your lunch break? After finishing the lunch rush in a steakhouse, I got an hour break from the restaurant. I come home, snap a few cold ones in the shower, go back for the night rush.
1:04:54 H. Foley? I don't hate that.
1:04:55 Speaker 01 I don't hate that either.
1:04:56 H. Foley? Normally I would be against that, but I don't hate that, especially in that environment.
1:05:01 Speaker 01 The industry, I mean, I think in that industry, that's.
1:05:03 H. Foley? And I respect them for going home and taking a shower like a fucking gentleman. I would just go home, smoke weed, sit in my fucking server uniform, and then drag ass in there.
1:05:12 Speaker 01 Did you have jobs like that where you would leave midday? Or would you just stay for the whole shift?
1:05:16 H. Foley? I mean, I would have like a break, but I was such a dirtball. Like, I would never think to go home and like.
1:05:21 Speaker 01 Do something productive.
1:05:22 H. Foley? Or like run to the grocery store and do errands. I would probably just sit there and eat something and then be real tired for the next shift.
1:05:29 Speaker 01 Yeah, hit like a Quiznos or something.
1:05:33 Speaker 01 Scroll Facebook. I remember that people would do, I remember where.
1:05:37 H. Foley? Nah, I would sit there in the corner. I would, I would never eat somewhere else. I wouldn't go out.
1:05:42 Speaker 01 Oh, I never ate. I always went out somewhere else.
1:05:44 H. Foley? Oh, you're crazy.
1:05:45 Speaker 01 Um, I mean, I wasn't really working in restaurants. I'm saying like my office jobs or whatever.
1:05:50 H. Foley? Oh, for sure.
1:05:50 Speaker 01 Um, but, yeah, people would do stuff on their lunch break. Like, I gotta go, I gotta run, I'm running to do this. I'd be like, I'm gonna, catch me out front with the heaters.
1:06:01 H. Foley? That blew my mind.
1:06:01 Speaker 01 Scrolling.
1:06:02 H. Foley? Blew my mind.
1:06:03 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:06:06 H. Foley? So I give it to him. He goes, "Homie freshens up, probably throws on a new shirt."
1:06:11 Speaker 01 Well, he's a cook, so he's got a little bit of a higher end job than...
1:06:14 H. Foley? Oh, he's a cook?
1:06:14 Speaker 01 So he says, "I'm a cook at a steakhouse."
1:06:15 H. Foley? Oh, dude, throw on the fresh whites?
1:06:17 Speaker 01 Yeah, sometimes you come back, little half-cocked. It's probably even, let's call it three beers. The first beer and a half takes away the lunch rush.
1:06:25 H. Foley? Sure.
1:06:26 Speaker 01 The second beer and a half gets you in the headspace for whatever, maybe grab a sandwich. You come back, you're loose, you're ready, you're not wearing the first half of the day.
1:06:34 H. Foley? You hit a coffee, towards the end, towards the end of the shift, you probably pop a beer as you're cleaning up. Then you're ready to go out.
1:06:40 Speaker 01 Perkedoodle or two, talk to Henry, the waiter, he's gulping a little bit. He owes you some money.
1:06:46 H. Foley? Yeah, probably.
1:06:47 Speaker 01 Pays you in a vic... pays you in a vicodin or something?
1:06:49 H. Foley? I can see it.
1:06:50 Speaker 01 Sure.
1:06:51 H. Foley? It writes itself.
1:06:52 Speaker 01 I'm a little tight on cash right now, but I got some school buses with your name on it.
1:06:58 H. Foley? You gonna do a Chinese fire drill, huh? Let's go.
1:07:01 Speaker 01 A little bit of a half and half. Alright, we gotta wrap it up, gang.
1:07:04 H. Foley? What a fun one.
1:07:04 Speaker 01 Yeah, we love you. Guys, the Back on the Block Tour, all tickets are available from Wednesday to Thursday. Promo code garbage, and then I believe they're available to the public starting Thursday night, Friday morning. But get your tickets, promo code garbage, are you garbage dot com?
1:07:20 H. Foley? Yeah, some of our favorite cities.
1:07:22 Speaker 01 Yeah, this is, I mean, the...
1:07:24 H. Foley? Clubs, these are gonna sell out quick. Get your fucking tikkis.
1:07:27 Speaker 01 Get your tikkis.
1:07:28 H. Foley? Come see the boys, we love yous. We'll see you out there. Love you. See you next week.
1:07:32 Speaker 01 Peace.
Previous Loan Sharks w/ Kippy & Foley! Next Business Lunch w/ Stavros Halkias Page updated November 5, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated