Am I Meditating Correctly? Am I Doing the Right Kind? | FAQ With Teacher-Of-The-Month Dawn Mauricio

A lot of us have questions about our meditation practice, but we may not have anybody to ask. Am I doing it right? Which kind of meditation should I be doing? How do I choose? Today, our Teacher of the Month Dawn Mauricio breaks down some of those questions with some actionable suggestions you can take into your next meditation session. Join Dan's online community here http://www.danharris.com/ Follow Dan on social: Instagram https://bit.ly/3tGigG5, TikTok https://bit.ly/3FOA84J Subscribe to our YouTube Channel https://bit.ly/3FybRzD To advertise on the show, contact [email protected] or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:04Dan Harris?

  This is the 10% Happier Podcast. I'm Dan Harris.

• 0:19Dan Harris?

  Happy Sunday, everybody. Hope you're having a good weekend. Today, we are going to answer some very common meditation questions like, "Am I doing this right?" "What kind of meditation should I be doing at all?" etc. Before we get into this, just a little bit of context. All this month, we're bringing you brand-new guided meditations from our Teacher of the Month, Dan Mauricio, and every meditation has been crafted to go along with one of our regular Monday or Wednesday episodes. The idea here is that you can, as I like to say, kind of pound the learnings from the conversation into your neurons in meditation practice. The only way to get those meditations is through a paid subscription over at danharris.com,

• 1:03Dan Harris?

  although we did give you a free meditation right here on the feed last Sunday, which is the classic drug dealer strategy. Anyway, you can go back into your podcast feed if you want to find that bonus episode. We also, though, wanted to give you another opportunity to hear from Dan, to answer some frequently asked questions. So, our Head of Content, DJ Cashmere, sat down with Dan recently for the little chat that we're going to play you right here. And just say, if you're a paying subscriber over on danharris.com, you'll get a chance to ask Dan your own meditation questions during a live Q&A that's coming up on Wednesday, July 23 at 4:00 PM Eastern. Check out danharris.com for details. Okay, quick break, and we'll be right back with DJ and Dan.

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• 3:17Speaker 03

  Don Mauricio, welcome back to the show.

• 3:20Speaker 04

  Hi, good to be back.

• 3:22Speaker 03

  It's good to have you back. I have a question for you. This is a question we get all the time, Dan gets all the time. And it's a question to help folks with their meditation practices, especially when they're meditating on their own, at home or on the road. And the question is, how do we choose which kind of meditation to do on any given day, at any given moment? So many of us who listen to the show know that there's more than one option. There's Metta, there's Open Awareness, there's I can follow my breath, I can use sounds as an anchor. The list is endless. If I have managed to carve out five, or 10, or 15 minutes to meditate, how do I not just get paralyzed by a choice in that moment?

• 4:06Speaker 03

  How do I make a skillful decision about which meditation practice to engage in?

• 4:11Speaker 04

  Such a good question. And it really touches on something that I am excited about or passionate about with my own practice and what I try to encourage my own students to do, which is to bring life into their practice. And as a little bit of a backstory, for years, I would do seated meditation, mindfulness of the breath, no matter what. And some days, that worked. Other days, it felt like I was a round peg trying to fit in a square hole. And it just felt forceful and not really helpful at all. And then actually, what I ended up leaving that meditation with was like more tension because of that forcefulness in a way.

• 4:52Speaker 04

  And so over the years, what I have started doing was that when I set myself up for my practice, I might just do quick check ins, like, how does my body feel? Because sometimes I think it's going to be seated, which is my usual go to practice. But sometimes there's like a new ache or something like that. And then actually, it's better that I lie down. Or maybe if I'm really sleepy and I just don't want to sleep for the 10 minutes I have to practice, then I might stand or something like that. So I do a quick check, how's the body? And then choose based on that. Sometimes if I'm like in high anxiety periods or high agitation, it's walking meditation even. So just to remember, that's an option.

• 5:37Speaker 04

  Then after that quick check in, I do like an internal check in, just what's going on internally or emotionally or maybe with my mind? Is it like a really busy mind right now? Am I caught in some sort of thought obsession about something? Am I feeling sad or tender? And so based on that, then I choose a style of meditation. And so sometimes if I'm feeling like pretty emotional or tender, it could be loving kindness practice or rain practice, which is a way that we can work with emotions. Sometimes if I'm feeling pretty calm already, then jumping into open awareness is really accessible and easy for me.

• 6:19Speaker 04

  Other times if I'm agitated, it's like walking practice or mental noting or something like that. So I kind of bring in my life so that my practice can respond to my life versus just like having it be the separate entity that lives on its own outside of my life. And then I recognize as well that even though I say, oh yeah, it could be loving kindness practice if you're feeling maybe a little tender. But there's so many ways we can even practice loving kindness practice. So that could even be overwhelming. But what I would say for folks who might be saving meditations on their device, to just save or bookmark a few favorites of different styles. And then, once you figure out, okay, I'm gonna do loving kindness practice today,

• 7:04Speaker 04

  just choose one and then stick to it. Instead of being like, this one maybe not know, oh, let me change, or I regret this choice. But it's like, okay, choose one, stick to it for the duration of practice. One, so that you don't spend all your time just going between meditations or being frozen with choice. But also so that we can develop this capacity of living with the consequences of our actions. Or like, getting comfortable with like discomfort. And knowing that it's only gonna last 10 minutes anyway. I think what gets us sometimes frozen is trying to find the perfect thing. But can we aim for good enough? Knowing that even if it's good enough and not perfect,

• 7:49Speaker 04

  that there's still qualities like patience and compassion and equanimity that are getting cultivated anyway.

• 7:56Speaker 03

  So I think I'm hearing a few really helpful tips there. Let me just try to repeat some of them back and see if I've got it. So I think part of what I'm hearing there is that something that you do is, at the very beginning, you just check in, how's your body doing? And that helps you determine whether you should be sitting, standing, walking, lying down. And then you also go inside, like, how's my mind doing? What does it need right now? And that helps you choose from the menu. And then there's this other set of recommendations that's also, if you want to access guided meditations, this idea of cultivating a sort of varied library, a favorites list,

• 8:37Speaker 03

  so that you have access to different options in that moment when you're deciding what you need. But then if you do use a guided meditation and you hit play, Don't hit pause and bail out 30 seconds.

• 8:49Speaker 04

  Exactly.

• 8:50Speaker 03

  Make a choice and stick with it.

• 8:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, exactly. And I feel like when we are cultivating that curated library, it's like, instead of, say, doom scrolling, the next time we're waiting for something and we pick up our phone, we can maybe at least use that tech connection time in a way that's helpful for our future self, for example.

• 9:11Speaker 03

  Just to say, for our listeners who are listening on Apple Podcasts, for example, if you are a paid subscriber of danharris.com and you have access to the ad-free feed where Dawn's meditations are dropping every Monday and Wednesday, there's actually a pretty easy way to favorite those meditations as favorite episodes so that you have a list of these to go back to. Just picking up on your specific point about curating that library. I also want to say, though, that as you were talking about sitting down and checking in with how your body's doing and how your mind's doing, there was a part of my mind that was thinking, oh, yes, this makes perfect sense. This is the most logical possible answer. Of course, you should see how you're doing and make a choice from there.

• 9:55Speaker 03

  And there was another part of me that was like, I don't want to do that.

• 9:59Speaker 03

  That sounds harder than the meditation. I don't want to know how I'm doing. What if the answer is something that I don't want to face? Yeah, just curious what that brings up for you. If I'm, if I have some resistance

• 10:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:11Speaker 03

  to checking in with myself. Maybe that's the thing I need to check in with more. But anyway, just, yeah, curious how that lands for you.

• 10:19Speaker 04

  I love that. And I think that's so real and very possible for so many of us. What I would say to that is just, well, yeah, we can try to be with that resistance. But I feel like if there's resistance, being with the resistance might bring up only more resistance.

• 10:36Speaker 04

  And so in which case, we might instead revert to our go-to style of practice. For me, for example, it's mindfulness of the breath, as I mentioned. And so if I don't feel like doing the check-in, that's what I'll do. But I might adjust how I practice in accordance to what would feel helpful. And I feel like it's pretty clear early on, if there's enough mindfulness, if it's helpful or not, or whether it's helpful or not. So for example, if I'm feeling like a lot of tension.

• 11:09Speaker 04

  The helpful thing would be to practice in a way that could be more friendly, that brings in the quality of kindness, so that it can balance out the tension that we're starting our practice with. But we might not tune into that right away. And so I think if we make it a practice to just ask ourselves, how am I practicing in our practices? Just to drop that question in every now and then, that could be enough of a pause for us to readjust. So if I am feeling tense, I start my mindfulness of breath, but I'm just like noticing the whole thing with a lot of tension, like inhaling, exhaling, inhale, or something like this, that intensity. If I remember or cultivate the habit of asking, how am I practicing?

• 11:53Speaker 04

  Then I might start tuning into the tension that is still present or maybe even exacerbated in my practice. And so then I might be like, okay, take a few deep breaths, see if that can release some tension, and then there might be more space to be with my breath in a kinder way. And the thing is, it's like I'm using this example of kindness as an antidote or a support to tension. We might think that we have to then flip the switch and be completely kind in order to then have a fruitful practice. But I think it's more, can there be even just a smidge of a little bit more kindness than what there was a few moments ago? And that would still be incredibly helpful.

• 12:37Speaker 04

  So all that to say is to tune into maybe how we're practicing instead. And if we don't want to do that full check in.

• 12:44Speaker 03

  I'm curious, for you in this moment, you're recovering from a torn ACL. How is that impacting how you choose to practice? And what you do and don't want to face with how your body's doing and how your practice is going?

• 13:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, gosh, you know, it's so funny because when I didn't have the limited mobility, I never wanted to do walking practice. And that was all I want to do.

• 13:13Speaker 04

  It's so, it's just, a lot of my practice these days is of course seated, sometimes lying down, but it's mostly seated these days because of my injury. And I think a lot of times what comes up is just like wanting things to be different. Because I could be paying attention to my breath, but then I'm suddenly tuned into the leg that I can't move right now. And then suddenly my mind will go into like, thinking of my recovery plan. Can I rush it? Or can I, stuff like that? And so how can I then bring my attention back to this moment? And then instead be with the desire for things to be different, but with tenderness and be like, of course you want this to be different.

• 13:56Speaker 04

  It's finally summer in Montreal and you can't really go outside or whatever. And so just to be like, of course. And this is what it's like right now. So not even trying to change it or gaslight myself into accepting it, but just meaning that that resistance with some kindness is so transformative. It's something small, but it's huge at the same time.

• 14:19Speaker 03

  One last question. You said, I believe if I heard you correctly, you said that for you mindfulness of the breath is your sort of core practice, you know, when in doubt, if you need a default, that's your default. How did that come about for you? And is this a thing that you recommend that listeners, practitioners try to establish for themselves? Is this a thing, should we all have a foundational practice that's our default if we need it?

• 14:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, I've never been asked that question. And I think that's a great question because as I was listening to you, I thought that's my experience. My experience was that for the first few years of practice, that's all I did. Because that's what I was taught when I was on that monastery doing my first retreat. And then I practiced in that style or with those teachers for years. So it's all I knew. But I'm not sure if people have that same experience where they have this one go to. I would say it would be helpful to have one or two go tos. It doesn't have to be the one. I would say even three go to practices,

• 15:29Speaker 04

  just so that we can remove the guesswork out of our practice time. As we mentioned earlier, we can get frozen into trying to choose the perfect meditation. And so if we have these two or three go to styles of practice, then it could act as like this net that will hold us no matter what, so that it can show up not just when we're trying to choose a practice, but like when we're stuck in traffic and someone cuts us off or doesn't let us merge, then it'll be more natural because we've been training for them to be more part of our second nature or our systems, that it'll show up in those moments too. Yeah, I love that question and I would say, go for it. Get a couple in the bank.

• 16:14Speaker 03

  Awesome. Something you just said sparked one last question, so I promise this is really the last question. But you said, we don't want to get frozen into trying to choose the perfect kind of meditation. And something that's been sort of running through my mind through this whole conversation over these last 10 minutes is, I think one of the reasons it feels a little bit scary to me to start by checking in with my body and checking in with my mind and seeing what I need right now and picking what I need right now, is that there is still after all these years, a part of me that thinks that there's a right way to do it, that thinks I need to maintain a streak, that thinks that sitting counts and other kinds don't count.

• 16:54Speaker 03

  All these sort of ideas, you know, Dan talks all the time about wanting the gold star. And I'm just curious how that sort of perfectionism, how you see that playing into these questions of how we choose what we do when we sit.

• 17:11Speaker 04

  I love that. The short answer, none of it matters.

• 17:18Speaker 03

  You mean, there's nobody like keeping score in the sky?

• 17:24Speaker 04

  The slightly fleshed out response is that it's not what we're doing that makes the difference. The main factor is the quality of attention we're bringing to whatever it is we're doing. So it doesn't matter if it's the breath, if it's emotions, if it's thoughts, if it's walking, lying down, seated, whatever, none of that matters. But it's just the quality of attention you're bringing to whatever it is you're choosing to do. So actually, someone listening could be like, me spending all my time trying to choose the perfect meditation can then be my meditation. In a way, yes. I've worked with a lot of teens who would like catch on these little, like a little

• 18:08Speaker 04

  thing I'd say and then use it against me. So just in case there's anyone like that out there. I would say that's possible, but are you tuning into maybe how the phone feels or the device feels in your hand or beneath your fingertips? The actions of scrolling, your emotions or the sensations in your body? If you are tuning into all of that, then yeah, that could have been your practice for that day. So ultimately, yeah, none of it matters. You can go to the store and buy yourself all the gold stars if you'd like. But it's really just like the quality of attention that we bring is the transformative piece.

• 18:45Speaker 03

  The quality of attention.

• 18:46Speaker 04

  Okay, okay.

• 18:47Speaker 03

  Good news is that we're making a few choices for you this month. So you don't have to choose every day of the week throughout July. Mondays and Wednesdays, Dan's got a meditation for you. But yeah, the hope is that this conversation will help guide the other days. And Dan, you mentioned that your first monastery retreat a minute or two ago, and we talked about that at slightly greater length in a bonus episode a few weeks ago. So we'll drop a link to that in the show notes. Yeah, thank you yet again for being here and for being our teacher of the month and for just showing up in such an open and easygoing way. This is a relatively new kind of workflow for us, and you've just been so chill and so flexible and like so many other meditation teachers we work with, just such a joy to collaborate with.

• 19:32Speaker 03

  So thank you.

• 19:34Speaker 04

  It's a joy working with you all too. So know that it's reciprocal.

• 19:39Speaker 03

  Glad to hear that. All right. Thank you so much.

• 19:42Speaker 04

  All right. Have a good one.

• 19:45Dan Harris?

  Thank you again to DJ and Dan Mauricio. Don't forget, there's a live session coming up with Dan on Wednesday, July 23, only for paying subscribers over at DanHarris.com. Before I let you go, I just want to thank everybody who worked so hard to make this show. Our producers are Tara Anderson, Caroline Keenan, and Eleanor Vassili. Our recording and engineering is handled by the great folks over at Pod People. Lauren Smith is our managing producer. Marissa Schneiderman is our senior producer. DJ Cashmere is our executive producer. And Nick Thorburn of the band Islands wrote our theme.