Seasons change, so will you: Become the thriving person you want to be

Fearne is marking the summer solstice by reflecting on the Happy Place episodes that’ll help you connect with nature, mysticism, and in turn, your inner self. It’s time to get back in touch with who we really are deep down underneath all the external, modern-day trappings of busyness, success and material things. In this episode – -Kirsty Gallagher talks about living alongside nature’s cycles to help you let go of things that are distressing you -Jo Bowlby explains why spirituality is the science of exploring your inner world -Rob Da Bank loves hot and cold practices to help get in touch with patience and a slower pace -Tara Brach pinpoints how spirituality is able to quieten your inner critic -Estelle Bingham explores manifesting as a way to uncover your core self -Poppy Delbridge leads a live tapping session to set intentions for the rest of the year Listen to the full episodes here – Kirsty Gallagher https://pod.fo/e/226c97 Jo Bowlby https://pod.fo/e/f794c Rob Da Bank https://pod.fo/e/250010 Tara Brach https://pod.fo/e/103e11 Estelle Bingham https://pod.fo/e/2c3bf2 Poppy Delbridge https://pod.fo/e/20f942 Child on the line is a three-part documentary podcast series celebrating the Volunteer Counsellors of Childline, and the brave children & young people who contact the helpline service. Listen here: https://www.childonthelinepodcast.com/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Hi, I'm Natalie Dormer and I'm proud to be an ambassador for Childline. This year, Childline turns 40. To mark it, I've made Child on the Line, a three-part documentary podcast. We hear why children needed a helpline in 1986, how it was built against the odds and the challenges children face today, from abuse and mental health to social media and AI. Search Child on the Line and listen wherever you get your podcasts.

• 0:29Fearne Cotton?

  Hello and welcome to Happy Place with me, Fern Cotton. Today, a celebration of the summer solstice, a chance to connect with nature and our inner selves.

• 0:39Speaker 02

  We get the summer solstice, which takes us into the second half of the year. Nature at the moment is in full abundance.

• 0:45Speaker 03

  We spend far too much time sitting in central heated rooms with loads of jumpers on and cosy cafes and stuff, when actually, you know, we were built to kind of be outside a bit more.

• 0:55Speaker 04

  And I do have like an image in my mind of an ocean with waves and that, you know, the waves belong and they're going to change and if we can remember, we're the ocean.

• 1:06Fearne Cotton?

  Bringing in the heart is like, it's basically our superpower. It's like, we already have it.

• 1:11Speaker 05

  Just as the scientist is looking at the outside world to try and make sense of it, all the spiritual masters of old were looking at the inner world to make sense of it.

• 1:20Speaker 02

  We never witness a tree going, "I've let go of these leaves, there's never going to be another leaf, I've got to hold on to the leaves, oh my god, no, no, no." Nature just lets go.

• 1:28Fearne Cotton?

  So look, it's midsummer, we've got all these beautiful, long days of sunlight. And I don't know about you, but this time of year always just feels magical to me. My favourite thing is when the sky is like a little tinge of pink late at night. It massively reminds me of being a kid, back in the day when I lived in Eastcote, we had a swing at the end of our garden and I would go out on the swing. And it was obviously like before kids were impacted by tech, like there was no tech. So I would sit on the swing, but on my own, and just swing until it went dark and then Lyn would go, "Fern, it's bedtime." And I'd get dragged back in the house. But it just reminds me of those long nights where the sky's a little

• 2:10Fearne Cotton?

  Bit pink and it feels really atmospheric and the warm air is balmy. Oh, it's just heaven. Obviously with it being the height of summer, all the plants are in bloom as well, which I love. Everything feels very vibrant, very colourful. And also, this is a great reminder for all of us, the inseparable relationship between the natural environment and us, which I think we are really quick to sever that tie in our minds. As we all know, getting outside is a bloody good way of feeling a bit better. I think, you know, we can all say that quite flippantly and we hear about it or read about it in books, but it does work. If I'm feeling shit, if I go for a walk in the local park, I feel 50% better immediately. So today, I thought it would be a really cool idea to listen back to some

• 2:55Fearne Cotton?

  of the Happy Place episodes that will help us get really back in touch with who we really are deep down underneath all the external, modern day trappings of busyness and success or material things. Soul Guide Kirsty Gallagher is all about living alongside nature's seasonal cycles. So that's going to be in there. Shaman Joe Bowlby explains why spirituality is the science of exploring your inner world. And meditation teacher Rob de Bank has got really quite obsessed with saunas and ice recently. Psychologist and all round legend Tara Brach says spirituality can help quieten your inner critic. And Estelle Bingham is a heart

• 3:37Fearne Cotton?

  whisperer who reckons manifesting is a way to uncover your core self. And do stick around till the end because Queen of Tapping, Poppy Delbridge, is going to do a live tapping session with us to set intentions for the rest of the year.

• 3:55Speaker 06

  This is Nick and Jack from the best one yet. And we are excited to tell you about Walmart Business. Staying ahead of business trends means moving fast and adapting quickly. Walmart Business helps you simplify operations so you can focus on building the next big thing. Find exactly what your organisation needs with their ever expanding business assortment and everyday low prices. Keep your momentum going fast with reliable shipping and fulfillment. Eligible organisations can take advantage of tax free shopping, both in store and online, saving you more while getting you everything you need. It's Walmart built for your business. Sign up for a free Walmart Business account today at business.walmart.com.

• 4:30Speaker 05

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• 5:00Speaker 07

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• 5:33Fearne Cotton?

  Let's do it. Here's the show.

• 5:56Speaker 02

  We live in this very man-made world that we've tried to make very linear. So we think everything should be the same all day, every day, and we should be the same all day, every day. And then when it's not, we get all upset and we try and micromanage it and control it back into making it the same. Everything in life is cyclical. Everything in life. I mean, even on our bodies, our bodies get replaced every, depending on different body parts, every like seven years or three years. We're in a constant state of motion. And we struggle the most in life when we try to resist, when we try to push, when we try to either cling and hold on to something no longer meant for us, or we try to force an outcome. When you can begin to trust, whether that's in you, or the moon, or nature, or God, or universe, or your soul, or source, whatever it is, we then begin to allow

• 6:41Speaker 02

  ourselves to flow much more. More easily with life and we don't come up against the same amount of resistance. And even the moon shows us that, that the moon doesn't hold on and go, well, I cannot be a full moon anymore. Cause there might never be another full moon again and I've got to shine really brightly. And if I'm not the full moon, who am I? I might be no one if I'm not the full moon. The moon just wanes. And then on the same hand, the full moon never goes, oh, maybe I shouldn't shine that bright. Oh God, what are they going to say about me if I like really let myself be seen and the moon just shines. You never witness a tree going, if I let go of these leaves, there's never going to be another leaf. I've got to hold on to the leaves. Oh my God, no, no, no. Nature just lets go. You never see a flower not wanting to blossom or bloom. Because it's a bit like, oh, what would they say about me and little old me and oh, I've got nothing.

• 7:25Speaker 02

  So for me, nature just, when we witness nature, we get to see seasons, cycles flow in action. And in that, nature shows us so beautifully. We only have to step outside to be inspired about what's going on. So right now, we get the summer solstice, which takes us into the second half of the year. Nature at the moment is in full abundance. Nature's just in growth. Nature's just allowing everything to be out there, to be seen, to enjoy the abundance. And so this, this helps us when we start to work in nature's seasons and cycles to see that there's a time to grow. There's a time to really put ourselves out there. There's a time to enjoy. There's a time to let go. There's a time to go inwards. There's a time to hibernate.

• 8:09Speaker 02

  And so as we start to make the seasons in nature sacred and we mark them, it helps us to do the same in our lives. So to realise, we're going to go through times of our lives when things aren't growing. When it feels like everything's a bit barren, when everything's a little bit stuck, where everything's a little bit dark. But nothing lasts forever. And very soon we'll be back out in a season of full bloom again. And we'll be blossoming again and life will be flowing again. And so when we start to see this growth cycle and we start to see, again in nature, we look at winter and we go, everything's dead. No, in winter, everything beneath the surface is regenerating and gathering everything it needs for that tree to come in full blossom again. So when we're in those darker times, everything within us is gathering, regenerating, growing.

• 8:55Speaker 02

  So that then when it's our time to grow again, we've got everything that we need. So as we learn to live in seasons like this, we don't fear the dark times. In the same ways, we don't try and cling and grip and hold on to the good times. We just know that everything's gonna go in perfect cycle, in perfect flow, in perfect time. And although I do believe that we get to navigate our way through those seasons and we get like, we always have a choice. We can't necessarily choose, like we can't choose where nature grows and blossoms and blooms. We can't necessarily choose exactly what's gonna happen. I believe our soul knows, but human us can't. But we can choose how we act, how we react, how we feel about it. So even in those darker times, we can choose to go into that almost moment of this is awful.

• 9:40Speaker 02

  We can play the victim, we can look for something outside of us to come along and save us. Or even on those hard times, we can choose to be like, I don't know why this is happening. I don't know what's going on right now. But I'm gonna, I'm gonna try and choose in a piece, I'm gonna try and choose to show up for myself. I'm gonna try and choose to be here for myself. And then in that, when we talk about sacred, hand it over to something greater. Know that you don't have to struggle as little human you on your own. Give it up to something greater. Please moon, please source, please universe, please God, I don't know what to do with this, please help me. Please help me. And even in that, when we ask for help, that in itself opens up avenues for new energy to come in. Because we shift it into a lesson for growth and we, we support ourselves in it.

• 10:25Speaker 02

  And so again, each time we do this, we build trust in ourselves. I know you're gonna be there in the good times and the bad times. And that's when our lives really begin to change.

• 10:34Speaker 05

  Spirituality is life. I think first of all, in recent times, spirituality and religion got very interlinked and confused.

• 10:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:42Speaker 05

  In today's world, you know, they're not interchangeable. You can be spiritual and religious, you can be spiritual and an atheist. You can be spiritual, as I say in the book, and a scientist. Yeah, might makes them recoil, but spiritual, just as a scientist is looking at the outside world to try and make sense of it. All the spiritual masters of old were looking at the inner world to make sense of it. So it's exactly the same thing. They were the intrepid explorers trying to make sense of the nature of life, of why we are the way we are. How to become the person you want to be. And that was going in, not going out.

• 11:24Fearne Cotton?

  Yes.

• 11:24Speaker 05

  And that is what spirituality is.

• 11:26Fearne Cotton?

  Okay, th- this is, this is something again that like massively jumped out at me in the book. And it's, it's kind of obvious, but I'd completely overlooked it. That we, we think in our lives that if everything in the exterior world is in place, how we want it to be is reflecting back at us what we want to see. And everything feels like, oh yeah, my life is good. Then we will be happy slash okay. We don't really even think about the inner world. Some people might not even know what that is. What is the inner world? How do I feel it? How do I engage with it? How do I improve it? Have a better relationship with it? How do you explain that? How can you explain what that inner world is or feels like?

• 12:10Fearne Cotton?

  And how we might take a deeper look at that rather than always constantly projecting, imbibing, feeling let down, projecting again, hoping that everything looks like it's in place?

• 12:23Speaker 05

  That is a very good question. You know, there's internal voices which are giving you the constant chatter of what you've got right and what you've got wrong.

• 12:31Fearne Cotton?

  Oh yeah, I know them, right?

• 12:33Speaker 05

  That's going, that's going on in your inner world.

• 12:35Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah.

• 12:36Speaker 05

  So it's, it is your essence of you. It's your understanding of life. It's how your experiences will affect how you see the outside world. That's why you need the landscape. And that's, when you can understand that, then you start having control of this mind. Now, mind, some people think the mind is the brain. It's not the same thing. It's, in the same way, the evening news is not the television.

• 13:03Fearne Cotton?

  Yes.

• 13:03Speaker 05

  So you need the brain to access the mind. Now, what you were saying about how, you know, I've got to look outward or people feel they have to look outward to find their happiness, to find that sense of freedom. Freedom is a state of mind. So you can be the richest person in the world and be living in hell if your mind isn't in balance.

• 13:27Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah.

• 13:27Speaker 05

  So first stop for all of us is looking after our mind and making sure that it is healthy and it isn't in a state of anxiety. And not fearing anxiety or fearing any of these emotions as well, because they are just signals that we are coming off balance. And we can be coming off balance because we're overtired, we're working too hard, or we're not listening to our inner voice and we're just going along with the crowd. We're not dancing to our own drumbeat. And we might have even lost the hearing of our own drumbeat here, we might be so disconnected. It is simply ways of showing us that we are disconnecting and we need to stop,

• 14:13Speaker 05

  slow down, peel back everything that we're doing, find our balance again and then go again.

• 14:19Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah, I think we, it it sort of requires a lot of time sitting with this thought and a commitment daily because unless we have that, we're so easily sidetracked because on a societal level, looking at culturally what is projected at us, politically massively, what is projected at us. We are taught that the outside world is the only thing that exists. The inside world, don't worry about that. Just keep, you know, doing this to achieve that, to get that, to have this, or to to find yourself as this so that you're at this level on the hierarchy and people are above you or below you or whatever. And we are encouraged daily, even on a sort of

• 15:03Fearne Cotton?

  level of advertising, to only look at the exterior world. The interior world is this sort of hidden secret that no one talks about. Because it's so much harder to obviously control someone else's inner world without the exterior bit. So we have to do the work to have this relationship with ourselves because, so for instance, this week, I got a bit of an ego dent this week, right? So I put all of my self-worth in the hands of others. So I gave my self-worth to the exterior world. Oh yeah, you guys tell me that I'm a piece of shit and I'll I'll go with it. And I've had to work really hard this last few days to go, right, but what do I believe? What's going on in my soul? What's going on inside? Do I, am I a piece of shit? And to really question that.

• 15:45Fearne Cotton?

  But this stuff takes work because it's so normalized again that the exterior world is everything.

• 15:52Speaker 05

  Um, totally. And when something like that happens, often the thing that where we feel like, oh, we haven't, we've been rejected or something hasn't worked for us, we don't even take into account the fact that we weren't into it in the first place. And that perhaps it might be a wonderful opportunity where we can step back and go, do you know what, I'm gonna go into stillness, I'm gonna allow my imagination to fly, and I'm gonna make sure that I am actually living the way I want to live and doing the things I want to do. So sometimes these moments in life, which kind of jar with us in the outside world,

• 16:33Speaker 05

  and perhaps because society has this definition of success, which is so skewed and broken. And we know that because more and more people are talking about their mental health.

• 16:46Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah.

• 16:46Speaker 05

  More and more people who have had everything that society would go, yep, tick, tick, tick, tick. You've, you've done it all. So if that is all a tick, why do they feel empty inside?

• 17:00Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah.

• 17:00Speaker 05

  Why do they feel lost in life? You know, anyone who has succeeded in life should be on top of the world. So how come that doesn't work?

• 17:10Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah.

• 17:11Speaker 05

  And then we have to ask ourselves, all right, what is it that is stopping me living my life to the full?

• 17:19Fearne Cotton?

  I've, I've never been on a retreat, which is perhaps surprising, um, but I've never been on one. So I went to a day retreat. This is the closest I've ever been to going on a retreat. Uh, probably for all the reasons I've just explained, I'm too busy, I can't go on a retreat, I haven't got four days to go on a retreat. And a lot of it was based around breathing, but also, um, dealing with high temperatures and very cold temperatures. So we would do sauna, cold water, sauna again. And, and really what I came away with was the understanding that when you're in a sauna for almost an uncomfortable amount of time, when you think, oh, I wanna get out now, I'm just, I'm too hot and I just can't cope with it.

• 17:59Fearne Cotton?

  That for your mind is, and similarly with very cold water, such a brilliant practice to go, I can cope with this, I just need to calm, calm myself down and get these thoughts in a row, rather than going, because I can go into panic very quickly and just know that you're safe and know that you're okay.

• 18:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 18:19Fearne Cotton?

  And everything starts to slow down. But actually, I think, again, when you look at, like, we were looking at meditation outside of the practice, looking at this sort of heat or very cold thing outside of the practice, is the ability to deal with stress a lot better. Because you're having to deal with it in quite a physical way in the heat or, or in the cold.

• 18:37Speaker 03

  To- totally, yeah. And I, you know, because I've only been doing it regularly for, you know, less than a year. And that feeling when you've been in there for 10 minutes and it's 80 degrees or 85 degrees and you, you're starting to get this real panic on, like going,

• 18:50Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah.

• 18:51Speaker 03

  I have to get out, have to get out, have to cool down, have to cool down. And you, you don't fight through that, but you kind of get through it. And you, you never sit in there for, for too long and, and then you're out and you're like, oh dear, I've got to get in the ice bath. And then like two minutes into the ice bath, you're like, got to get out, got to get out, got to get out.

• 19:06Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah.

• 19:06Speaker 03

  Oh, I've got to get back in the heat. And it, and that, that becomes quite addictive. But yeah, like you say, it's, it's building up your, um, stress response, um, really amazingly. Also, you'll, you'll, you'll start realising, um, that you can walk around in the, in the winter with, in a T-shirt, rather than, um, with loads of jumpers and coats on, you, you know, you, we, we spend far too much time sitting in, you know, central heated rooms, um, you know, with loads of jumpers on and cosy, you know, cafes and stuff. When actually, you know, we were built to kind of be outside a bit more. So even, even on that level. But there's, there's so many, so many amazing benefits of, of sauna.

• 19:40Fearne Cotton?

  I wonder if also, I'm sort of thinking on my feet here, but I, I think it probably helps with another problem that we've got in the modern age, which is a huge lack of patience. Because like you're saying there, when you're in extreme heat or extreme cold, your first thought is, well, I don't want this, I want to get out and I can, so I'm going to do it, rather than persevering. And I think so much of our lives these days revolves around that. I'm hungry, I want something now. I'm going to get a, a very, very quick fast food delivery. Whatever it might be, or I don't like this TV show, or I don't like these adverts, I'll fast forward them. We have such convenience in terms of just getting through stuff we don't want to have to deal with and just going, nope. Or I don't want to queue, I'm not going to stand waiting. Whereas back in the eighties, we had to queue for everything.

• 20:25Fearne Cotton?

  Or, you know, even to buy music, you'd be waiting outside a shop to get it. Now you click your phone and it's there. So I think one of our big problems is patience is just dwindling by the second.

• 20:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:36Fearne Cotton?

  And if you look at any of these practices, whether it's breathwork, meditation, these exposure to hot or cold, you're having to cultivate patience because you're sitting through the discomfort of something you don't necessarily want to do.

• 20:49Speaker 03

  That is very perceptive, Miss Cotton. I like that. I'm going to use that. You should do podcasts.

• 20:55Fearne Cotton?

  It must be something, I think it must help with that.

• 20:57Speaker 03

  No, it totally does. I went to, there's a, there's a banya like, which is a sort of Russian, um, Russian style of sauna in, uh, in London and the guy there, Andre, you know, he said to me, don't, don't rush from the sauna into the ice, you know, um, and then, and then back into the sauna and then back into the ice. Cause that's our in, natural instincts. It's like, right, okay, I can do this. Yeah. I'm having, I'm really getting really hot. I'm getting really cold. Brilliant. But he said the, the magic actually happens in the sort of 20 minutes where you sit outside or just sit there and just have a cup of tea in between. And actually I went for a three hour session with him and I thought, how am I going to last three hours? We only went in the sauna twice for like 20 minutes at a time. The rest of the time was sitting around drinking tea, relaxing. It was, it was literally one of the most relaxing things I've ever done. So.

• 21:42Fearne Cotton?

  Wow. But when are we told to do something slowly? Never.

• 21:47Speaker 03

  Never, no.

• 21:48Fearne Cotton?

  It's constantly like, why have you not emailed me back? Why is this person not texting me? They must have died. Like we're, we're, everything has to be so quick. I don't remember the last time someone said to me, really take your time with this.

• 22:03Speaker 07

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• 22:34Speaker 06

  This is Nick and Jack from the best one yet, and we are excited to tell you about Walmart Business. Staying ahead of business trends means moving fast and adapting quickly. Walmart Business helps you simplify operations so you can focus on building the next big thing. Find exactly what your organization needs with their ever-expanding business assortment and everyday low prices. Keep your momentum going fast with reliable shipping and fulfillment. Eligible organizations can take advantage of tax-free shopping, both in-store and online, saving you more while getting you everything you need. It's Walmart built for your business. Sign up for a free Walmart Business account today at business.walmart.com.

• 23:09Speaker 05

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• 23:24Speaker 07

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• 23:57Fearne Cotton?

  Right, let's get back to it then. Here's Tara Brach, Astel Bingham and Poppy Delbridge.

• 24:02Speaker 04

  Because we're social animals and we want to be included and accepted and there's a constant comparing that's so insidious. So yeah, we have a lot that we're going against. And I found Fern that when people can say what you said, which is, wow, I'm starting to see how it's like the air I'm breathing, that that inner voice saying, you know, something's wrong. When we start to see it, that's actually the beginning of getting, it's kind of waking up from the trance, is just getting it. Because I found for myself that when I started seeing

• 24:44Speaker 04

  it and seeing how much suffering is with that, it really happened for me, that kind of recognition. When I was in college, I was on a hike with a friend, because I remember really well, and she was telling me how she was becoming her own best friend and so on. And I thought to myself, oh my gosh, you know, I'm the, that's, I'm the furthest thing from my own best friend, you know, I am the harshest, I'm so harsh. I hated my body and I hated the way I was in relationships and I never was doing enough. And so that actually, when I started facing the pain of that, I actually

• 25:24Speaker 04

  really dedicated myself to, you know, loving myself into healing. And that really got me going on the spiritual path that I really wanted to learn how to quiet the voice of that inner critic and really hold my own being with a kind of tenderness. And what I found is that the-

• 25:47Speaker 04

  The kinder I've been to myself, the more my heart naturally includes others too. It's never just an inner loving.

• 25:55Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah, I I think we underestimate how much self loathing is really the root cause of probably nearly all of our problems in life or perceived problems. It's not the circumstance or the other person or the thing. It's our own self loathing and I can recognize that in my own life massively. And that's why I found this latest book so special because, you know, trusting that there, you know, you have this wonderful prayer that you opened the book up with. May I trust my own goodness? We forget it's there. We forget that there's any goodness within us. And, you know, you you retell that beautiful story and I know it was in your previous book, Radical Compassion as well, about how there was this beautiful Buddha that was found

• 26:40Fearne Cotton?

  and it was a sort of big cement shaped Buddha. And then these cracks started appearing and it was actually a beautiful big gold Buddha underneath and we've all got that inside, but the cement is almost the sort of the fear and the confusion and everything we've picked up in our lives along the way. We're just covering over it on a daily basis unless we're willing, like you did in your life, to stop and go, no, I'm not, I'm not going to do that. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, you know, honor myself, even if it's not fully love yourself, accept the feelings you have and accept the problems or the perceived problems that you might have in life.

• 27:19Speaker 04

  And that's the first step. It's a jump to say, okay, I'm going to embrace my life just as I, you know, that's a jump. But what we can do is slow down, we can pause and begin to say, okay, this is what's here right now and can I meet just this moment with some kindness? And it's amazing that. Even the intention to be kind, even if you can't do it, just, just in some way wishing that you could be kind begins to soften the heart. It's beautiful. And of course, I teach a lot just to put your hand on your heart and, and just send a message.

• 27:59Speaker 04

  Send some message of kindness. It can be as simple as, you know, I'll sometimes say, it's okay sweetheart, you know, it's just okay. Or, or it can be even simpler of, you know, just this moment. It's, you know, just be here for this moment. And I find if people can pause and ask themselves two really basic questions, which is, okay, so what's going on inside me right now? And then the second question is, can I be with this with kindness? Just this moment, that begins to turn the whole trance around.

• 28:34Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah, because you talk about the resistance of feelings because we're now even beating ourselves up about having feelings. You know, if we feel jealous, or if we feel angry, or if we feel down about something, we, we're not just feeling those emotions. We're going, oh, I shouldn't be feeling like this. I need to fix myself and to get out of this. And, and your mantra that you use in these times is just let this belong, let this feeling belongs, this belongs, it's okay. And I think that's a really wonderful first step as well, rather than keep berating ourselves for just having human reactions and, and feeling emotions to say, no, no, this, this belongs, this is okay.

• 29:15Speaker 04

  I love that phrase.

• 29:16Fearne Cotton?

  Me too.

• 29:17Speaker 04

  This belongs because, you know, I, I, and I do have like an image in my mind of an ocean with waves and that, you know, the waves belong and, and they're going to change. And if we can remember, we're the ocean, you know, and the ocean's going to have waves. And really, every emotion is intelligent.

• 29:39Speaker 04

  We were wired to have emotions. It's part of our survival apparatus. You know, and everybody else has them too. So I find it helpful, first of all, when I'm feeling something like jealousy or something you don't want to feel, others experience this too. It's it's programmed in, you know, and in the moments that we can let it belong, there's some space. Even the word yes, just just to say yes doesn't mean I like this. Yes means it's an honest acknowledgement. This is the reality of this moment. We find some space. We can end up kind of being with things with more balance and grace.

• 30:22Speaker 05

  What happens often is we're not really in touch with the feelings. So we understand the story. So we can look back at our four year old self or our six year old self. And we're like, well, this is what happened at that time. And we can get in touch with the memories and a certain amount of the feelings. It's not that it doesn't work, but Peter Levine, who, you know, he developed the somatic experiencing technique, which some some people out there may have heard of already. But that's just experiencing the feelings in the body. And that's really where I start. I start in that place. But bringing in the heart is like, it's basically our superpower. It's like we already have it. And that's really my big, you know, that's my mantra. Like you are already whole. So we're not

• 31:06Speaker 05

  we're not, there's not the big healing story. I mean, we do do the the healing work. We do do the inner work, but you've already got this. We're just returning to to wholeness. And what happens with the heart? It's like it's like, you know, you you go into the dark room and often what happens, people turn up and I always say this, it's like you, you know, we're in this dark room and we keep bumping into the same sofa and falling over the same, you know, the same sofa and then having the same outcomes or experiencing the same things, being in the same types of relationships. Calling in all of these.

• 31:36Fearne Cotton?

  You know, similar experiences. And I just say, let's just switch the light on. Yeah. So that's all it is. It's like we're activating the heart, just switching the light on. It's not a big fandango. It's actually really simple. You know, the, the, the heart technique coming into the heart is just, we take some really nice, deep heart and body breaths. Those really settle the parasympathetic nervous system. We know that from breath work these days and what that does. You know, those really breathing in and then taking deep exhales from deep in the body. So not up here, because a lot of us breathe just up here at the top from the neck and nothing's really, we, we're just not, not doing anything. And we just come in with a certain amount of awareness into the heart. So it's actually really simple.

• 32:21Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah. And I think, I, I mean, I want to get into, to, to manifesting and this relates to it to a degree because, like you say, we repeat the same mistakes. I can look back at certain things. I'm like, why am I having to learn this lesson again? I've done this one, but I've made the same choices. I've ended up because it's comfortable, it's familiar. I understand it. You know, you think you know what you need and you don't. And I think it's, um, it's so interesting that so much of that is connected to a lack of self-love, a lack of self-compassion that we have. I think most people have a sort of a low level self-loathing. We're so used to berating ourselves for every flaw, every mistake, every fault.

• 33:03Fearne Cotton?

  We isolate ourselves in it. I mean, I, I do this all the time. I was, you know, in therapy yesterday, talking about this, saying, oh my God, I'm so flawed. There's something wrong with me and nobody else. And I know all this stuff and I still have that underlying feeling that I'm getting it more wrong than anybody and I'm way more flawed than anybody. I think we all have the propensity to do that. And I guess when you're doing this work that focuses on the heart, it's just reminding us that we've all got that going on. But actually, we can still love ourselves, we can forgive ourselves and, and that is, I guess, one of the biggest blocks when it comes to manifesting a life that you actually want is the fact that you fucking hate yourself.

• 33:45Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah. Well, there are two things there that are really important, right? So imagine heart energy. Imagine that you've got a tap and most of the time either that tap is just, it's.

• 33:54Speaker 02

  Not on at all, or there's a little drip, drip, drip, okay, every three minutes, like, you know, a bit of a torture, torture situation. When we get into just thinking about the heart every day for a few minutes a day, we start to turn that tap and it's a flow. And what I will say is quite, it's, you know, it's, it's, it's a thing to think about, but when we twist that, that, that tap. And the, there is heart, energy, flow. You are bringing us a different energy into your life. So I always say to people, just stay curious, stay curious and see what happens. And with, with the manifesting, you know, there's so much out there about manifesting at the moment, and I've been manifesting. That has been part of my practice for years and years.

• 34:38Speaker 02

  And we know about it from, you know, manifest, from law of attraction, it's out there in the, in the world, but there is a ceiling to manifesting. If you're unconscious, if underneath all of this, manifesting, manifesting, manifesting is a sense of. Self-loathing, shame, you know, we're not accepting ourselves, we're beating ourselves up. But it up here, we're thinking, I want, I want this relationship, I want this job opportunity, I want to move here, I want to do this. I want to be seen, I want, I want people to know me, to hear me. But actually what happens is, because remember the mind is made up of sort of eighty seven percent or even ninety two percent, it was between there.

• 35:19Speaker 02

  Is unconscious and the rest is conscious. So remember that tiny little bit of mind, the way we're saying. I want, you know, I'm manifesting, I'm making vision balls, I'm doing this, manifest, manifest, manifest. But the unconscious. Is huge. Is huge. So remember that, that big iceberg, okay, we can just see the top of the iceberg, but underneath. Is all of the truth of who, of who we are, of what we really believe about ourselves. And so what we need to do is we need to come in and to, and be with this unconscious. But when we activate the heart, we're coming in immediately with a gentleness, with a softness. We are activating.

• 35:55Fearne Cotton?

  That flow of compassion. Again, when we say, when we use these words, they get banded around. We see them on Instagram. We see them here, there and everywhere. Love, compassion, bring more compassion in, radical self-acceptance. What does it really feel like? People know what it sounds like, but do they know what it feels like? And so that's what we, we really work with.

• 36:17Fearne Cotton?

  Let's do a really uplifting one. Yeah, we need it. About energy, possibility. Yeah. Yeah. And maybe a little bit about that permission. Cause I do think that's really important. So if we say, it doesn't matter what the score is, but give it a score out of a hundred straight away. Um, and let's try it together. We'll do it together. So let's say this, I give myself permission for new possibilities. I give myself permission for new possibilities. And then just notice out of a hundred, where are you at? If you were going to just intuitively answer. Eighty. I'm feeling quite good about it. That's good. Yeah. Yeah. Great. And you can start anywhere. If anyone's 20%, cool. If anyone's 95, cool. You can always go up. Yeah. So now we're going to just notice what it is that is not making it a hundred for you.

• 37:03Fearne Cotton?

  Hmm. What is it? Um, my blocks are always to do with outside opinion and second guessing what everyone else is going to say. That something I've done is rubbish or could have been better. And I'm constantly second guessing that. And I find it very hard to mitigate. So that is the 20%. Yeah. Okay. So let's do a little bit about that and the feelings within that as we, as we move into the tap. And what would you say that feels like? So if you're going to go, I feel. Edgy. It's a very edgy feeling of anxiety that someone's going to attack me about it verbally or say something mean that then

• 37:42Fearne Cotton?

  would make me feel foolish for believing that I had a chance to achieve whatever goal it was, or to be excited about whatever's coming up. Yeah, that makes perfect sense. So we'll work with that and then we'll aim with intention.

• 37:56Speaker 07

  To get that score up by the end. Yeah, okay. Just noticing your breath here, very often we're not breathing.

• 38:03Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah, I wasn't.

• 38:04Speaker 07

  So just take a deep breath in through your nose. Let it out through your mouth.

• 38:11Speaker 07

  Just drop in. See your body a little bit more as you do this. And then you can just say this, I feel a bit edgy.

• 38:20Fearne Cotton?

  I feel a bit edgy.

• 38:21Speaker 07

  When I think about all my possibilities this year.

• 38:24Fearne Cotton?

  When I think about all my possibilities this year.

• 38:26Speaker 07

  Because I'm wondering if I can really do it.

• 38:30Fearne Cotton?

  Because I'm wondering if I can really do it.

• 38:32Speaker 07

  And I'm thinking about other people.

• 38:34Fearne Cotton?

  And I'm thinking about other people.

• 38:37Speaker 07

  That's okay.

• 38:37Fearne Cotton?

  That's okay.

• 38:38Speaker 07

  That might happen.

• 38:39Fearne Cotton?

  That might happen.

• 38:41Speaker 07

  Just a human being.

• 38:42Fearne Cotton?

  Just a human being.

• 38:44Speaker 07

  And we always have those kind of thoughts.

• 38:45Fearne Cotton?

  We always have those kind of thoughts.

• 38:48Speaker 07

  But.

• 38:49Fearne Cotton?

  But.

• 38:50Speaker 07

  It is possible for me.

• 38:51Fearne Cotton?

  It is possible for me.

• 38:54Speaker 07

  To just let go a bit.

• 38:55Fearne Cotton?

  To just let go a bit.

• 38:56Speaker 07

  Be a bit more me.

• 38:58Fearne Cotton?

  Be a bit more me.

• 39:00Speaker 07

  Notice myself.

• 39:01Fearne Cotton?

  Notice myself.

• 39:03Speaker 07

  And all my possibilities.

• 39:05Fearne Cotton?

  And all my possibilities.

• 39:06Speaker 07

  In this life.

• 39:07Fearne Cotton?

  In this life.

• 39:10Speaker 07

  And just take a moment just to notice that and the power of that. Just giving yourself permission for that. And just take another breath in. And a breath out.

• 39:24Speaker 07

  That's good. And just relaxing into it first, we'll go for a little tap through. Sort of releasing some of the stuff. Okay, so two hands and then tapping between your eyebrow points and say this. All this edgy feeling.

• 39:38Fearne Cotton?

  All this edgy feeling.

• 39:40Speaker 07

  All this edginess.

• 39:41Fearne Cotton?

  All this edginess.

• 39:43Speaker 07

  Maybe some anxiety.

• 39:44Fearne Cotton?

  Maybe some anxiety.

• 39:47Speaker 07

  Maybe some worries.

• 39:48Fearne Cotton?

  Maybe some worries.

• 39:49Speaker 07

  About the year ahead.

• 39:50Fearne Cotton?

  About the year ahead.

• 39:52Speaker 07

  Definitely some worries.

• 39:53Fearne Cotton?

  Definitely some worries.

• 39:54Speaker 07

  Big worries, probably.

• 39:56Fearne Cotton?

  Worries, probably.

• 39:57Speaker 07

  Yeah, that's a human thing.

• 39:58Fearne Cotton?

  That's a human thing.

• 40:00Speaker 07

  That's okay.

• 40:00Fearne Cotton?

  That's okay.

• 40:02Speaker 02

  Accept this is the way I feel.

• 40:04Fearne Cotton?

  Just accept this is the way I feel.

• 40:06Speaker 02

  Maybe accept myself a bit more.

• 40:07Fearne Cotton?

  Maybe accept myself a bit more.

• 40:09Speaker 02

  Take a breath.

• 40:10Fearne Cotton?

  Take a breath.

• 40:13Speaker 02

  Notice myself.

• 40:14Fearne Cotton?

  Notice myself.

• 40:16Speaker 02

  And just keep tapping through, should just take some breaths.

• 40:23Speaker 02

  That's good, and just sort of relaxing through as you keep the tapping going.

• 40:28Speaker 02

  Hmm, and you might notice your body's just a little bit more relaxed now, just kind of letting go a little bit more. Into what is possible. Yeah, and then at this point, let's just notice a little bit more about that possibility. You know, so what is possible? That could be a feeling. It could be something that you want. It could be just a little new habit that you have decided to do. So just notice what that is. So what might it be for you?

• 41:00Fearne Cotton?

  It would be new opportunity, it would be learning new things. And excitement, I think, would be one of the feelings.

• 41:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, nice. And can you connect with that now?

• 41:11Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah.

• 41:11Speaker 02

  Great, good. So connecting in with it, yeah, so top of your head. And now we're just gonna shift the energy into this, because this is sort of real. It's not made up. This is the good bit about it. This is when you wanna start creating good stuff, saying the affirmations, yeah? So tapping through with me. And saying this, I notice a little bit of excitement.

• 41:33Fearne Cotton?

  I notice a little bit of excitement.

• 41:35Speaker 02

  At the same time as this anticipation.

• 41:38Fearne Cotton?

  At the same time as this anticipation.

• 41:41Speaker 02

  All that might happen.

• 41:42Fearne Cotton?

  All that might happen.

• 41:44Speaker 02

  All that I can be grateful for.

• 41:46Fearne Cotton?

  All that I can be grateful for.

• 41:48Speaker 02

  And taking a breath.

• 41:49Fearne Cotton?

  Taking a breath.

• 41:51Speaker 02

  Just taking a breath.

• 41:53Fearne Cotton?

  Just taking a breath.

• 41:56Speaker 02

  Possibilities.

• 41:57Fearne Cotton?

  Possibilities.

• 41:58Speaker 02

  All these possibilities.

• 41:59Fearne Cotton?

  All these possibilities.

• 42:02Speaker 02

  I'm excited.

• 42:03Fearne Cotton?

  I'm excited.

• 42:04Speaker 02

  I can be excited.

• 42:05Fearne Cotton?

  I can be excited.

• 42:06Speaker 02

  I will be excited.

• 42:07Fearne Cotton?

  I will be excited.

• 42:08Speaker 02

  I will be excited.

• 42:09Fearne Cotton?

  I will be excited.

• 42:10Speaker 02

  Why not?

• 42:10Fearne Cotton?

  Why not?

• 42:11Speaker 02

  Why ever not?

• 42:12Fearne Cotton?

  Why ever not?

• 42:13Speaker 02

  Let's do it.

• 42:13Fearne Cotton?

  Let's do it.

• 42:14Speaker 02

  Let's do it.

• 42:15Fearne Cotton?

  Let's do it.

• 42:16Speaker 02

  Good. Alright, so just wriggling your sort of shoulders a little bit more, getting your body into it a bit more. We're just gonna notice any positive feelings that have come up. And this is the bit where you just wanna seal this in. You wanna seal it in. This is good energy, good vibration like we're talking about. Yeah. So what do you feel right now?

• 42:34Fearne Cotton?

  I do feel excited.

• 42:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:36Fearne Cotton?

  And also much less edgy, much more relaxed and a new little bit of confidence in there.

• 42:44Speaker 02

  Lovely. Yeah, perfect. Good. So we'll just seal a bit of that in. So let's try it. So tapping with me. I can be confident.

• 42:52Fearne Cotton?

  I can be confident.

• 42:54Speaker 02

  I can be excited.

• 42:55Fearne Cotton?

  I can be excited.

• 42:57Speaker 02

  I can.

• 42:57Fearne Cotton?

  I can.

• 42:59Speaker 02

  Excitement.

• 42:59Fearne Cotton?

  Excitement.

• 43:00Speaker 02

  Excitement.

• 43:01Fearne Cotton?

  Excitement.

• 43:03Speaker 02

  Positive.

• 43:03Fearne Cotton?

  Positive.

• 43:05Speaker 02

  Good energy.

• 43:06Fearne Cotton?

  Good energy.

• 43:06Speaker 02

  Yeah. Okay, good. And now we're going to do that little head hug. So we're going to rub our hands together. Get some energy going. Take a smile because this releases a lot of good happy hormones. We want those.

• 43:20Fearne Cotton?

  We love those happy hormones.

• 43:21Speaker 02

  Yeah. So then rubbing your hands together, I like to lift them a little bit higher. So you're just activating yourself a little bit more. That's it. And then on the three, two, one, we'll do a head hug. So one hand on the forehead, one hand on the back and just hold it. You'll notice the tingling. You'll notice the buzz of it, which is just beautiful. Okay, three, two, one, hold.

• 43:44Speaker 02

  And just take that moment and just take that breath. Notice from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet. All the possibilities, all the feelings, all the good stuff.

• 43:59Speaker 02

  Do you feel it?

• 43:59Fearne Cotton?

  Hmm.

• 44:00Speaker 02

  Yeah. And then just shaking out your hands, wiggling around a little bit. Nice. Okay. How do you feel?

• 44:08Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah, bloody great.

• 44:11Fearne Cotton?

  God tapping's good. It's such a simple and very physical way of getting yourself mentally feeling back on track. And I love it. I've used it for so many things over the years, whether it's, you know, helping to just tame anxiety. Or just to pep myself up if I'm feeling a bit flat. It's bloody brilliant. There will be links to the full episodes that you've heard little bits of today. If you want to go back and listen to them, I really would if I were you. If there was one that really stood out to you, go back and listen to the whole episode. By the way, Kirsty Gallagher has. A new book out, it's called Your Cosmic Purpose and it's published by Happy Place Books, we're very proud to say. If you resonated with anything you heard her talk about, you are gonna really be blown away by this book. It is so gorgeous.

• 44:56Fearne Cotton?

  Hey, I'm gonna be back here very soon, but in the meantime, a massive thank you to everyone who shared their wisdom today, to the producer, Anushka Tate, and to you. Enjoy the sun on your skin, my loves.

• 45:35Speaker 06

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• 46:05Speaker 07

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• 46:38Speaker 05

  And I'm Marco Bortella.

• 46:40Speaker 07

  And this is Boots Off.

• 46:43Speaker 05

  We are friends who have spent a decade together, walking up mountains, across deserts and along coastlines with some seriously awesome groups of humans. And something happens when you're out there, feet on the ground, surrounded by nature. The conversations just spill out of you. This series is about the adversities that lead to adventure. The adventures that lead to adversity. And how life can be one big adventure in itself. Listen every Thursday, just search for Boots Off.