Bonus #205 - Live Call Show Vol. 46 [PATREON PREVIEW]

Patreon preview. Unlock full episodes at patreon.com/stavvysworld Stav is back talking directly to the fans!! Stavvy and Eldy catch up amid the fading remnants of the Halloween set design to discuss how good it feels not to be super busy, and help beautiful Patreon members including a guy whose deadbeat uncle refuses to stop squatting in his late grandma's house, a guy wondering if he should hit on the hot neighborhood MILF when they see each other on dog walks, and a guy whose leftist girlfriend loathes his best friend's wife who works at Lochkeed Martin. ☎️ Want to be a part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice! 🎤 Watch Uncle Stav on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/82055929 ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld 🎟️ See Stavvy live!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:25Speaker 00

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• 0:53Speaker 01

  Let's start with Dick Nose, are you there?

• 0:56Stavros Halkias?

  Dick Nose.

• 0:57Speaker 03

  Here, what's up, boys?

• 0:59Stavros Halkias?

  What's up, my G?

• 1:02Speaker 03

  I'm doing good, man, just chilling, excited to be chatting with you guys.

• 1:06Stavros Halkias?

  Hell yeah, dude, we're excited to be chatting with you. What's plaguing you, my friend?

• 1:11Stavros Halkias?

  Every time you blow, every time you sneeze, jizz comes out?

• 1:14Speaker 03

  That's, how did you know?

• 1:18Speaker 03

  Very, very close, actually.

• 1:20Stavros Halkias?

  Do you have a nose, your dick nose, do you have a penis? Do you have a nose penis? Like where, above your nuts? That would be brutal, you smell your nuts all day?

• 1:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, I can smell my, my nuts and my asshole all day.

• 1:33Stavros Halkias?

  You'd probably have really good hygiene if you had, God, that's how I know God's not real. He would put a little nose under your balls so you would, so you would know to wash your nuts and ass. Anyway, go ahead, Dick Nose.

• 1:47Speaker 03

  Well, I, it's hard to explain, but essentially I have this uncle who I don't even really know, but he's like my dad's brother. And he lived with my grandma for like four or five years before she passed over the summer. And he was living like rent free with his girlfriend and

• 2:14Stavros Halkias?

  With his mother?

• 2:15Speaker 03

  He's, he was living With his mother.

• 2:17Stavros Halkias?

  Elder, his elderly mother, him and his girlfriend were crashing with his, with his elderly mother?

• 2:22Speaker 03

  Yes, yeah. And he was living there for free. But he's been like in and out of jail, he's been

• 2:31Stavros Halkias?

  I see.

• 2:32Speaker 03

  On the run, he's had problems with drugs and stuff.

• 2:35Stavros Halkias?

  These fucking guys on the lam? Okay.

• 2:39Speaker 03

  He was, I, I think it's, that's all kind of settled now, he's done his time. But um, he's, he's still living there. And in her will, it said that she wanted the house to be sold and then the money from the house to be split between my dad, their sister and him.

• 3:04Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, pretty standard so far, even though

• 3:07Speaker 03

  Pretty standard, yeah.

• 3:08Stavros Halkias?

  Keep going?

• 3:09Speaker 03

  Yeah. Well, he is, he is like said that he would basically put it on the market, but you know, he's still there with his girlfriend.

• 3:18Stavros Halkias?

  Ah, I see.

• 3:21Speaker 03

  And his, his, his issue really is that he's never like, he's never had a place to stay for that long. This is probably the longest time he's been at one place. So he has said like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, we're gonna, we're gonna put it up on the market and like my parents and my aunt have like helped to get the place nice and everything to put it up. And essentially felt like buyers have come and gone and like

• 3:56Stavros Halkias?

  He's basically doing Step Brothers? He's doing the second act of Step Brothers where they like try and get no one to buy that? They dress up as Nazis and zombies and shit like that?

• 4:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 4:07Stavros Halkias?

  That's so fucking funny.

• 4:08Speaker 03

  That's what it's seeming like. So he's, he's like not allowing the house to be bought, he's like not responding to anybody. But he'll like say he's down and then he'll like blame someone else for like why it's not getting

• 4:22Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 4:23Speaker 03

  Gold. And it just sucks because it's like, that money could go to him too.

• 4:30Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right.

• 4:32Speaker 03

  He's entitled to a third of it and he thinks that, that like the family is trying to screw him out of the money. But like, everybody just wants outsold. I mean, not him, because he'd have to find a new place.

• 4:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and listen, go ahead.

• 4:51Speaker 01

  Oh, I was, I was just gonna say like, that's, it's like he, he knows he'll get money, but then he'll have to find a home.

• 4:58Stavros Halkias?

  Let's say, let's say like, I don't know, let's just for the sake of argument, so the math is easy. Let's say it's a $300,000 home, right? Maybe it's more, maybe it's less, I don't know. We're, we're just like, you give him a hundred grand, he can't buy a fucking house, you know what I mean? Like, my guess is it's probably an amount of money that's like you can't buy a house with. Unless some mansion, it doesn't sound like it, right?

• 5:22Speaker 03

  No, no.

• 5:23Stavros Halkias?

  Like it's not, it's definitely though, not enough money for him to immediately buy his own place, right?

• 5:30Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 5:31Stavros Halkias?

  Gotcha, okay.

• 5:31Speaker 03

  But he, when the first person tried to buy the house and he didn't like jump on the opportunity, he, he would have gotten like $40,000.

• 5:42Stavros Halkias?

  Damn, you motherfuckers are still on a fucking airstream?

• 5:47Stavros Halkias?

  $40,000, Jesus Christ, that's fucking less than my house in Greek town.

• 5:50Speaker 01

  I'd be squatting too.

• 5:53Speaker 01

  Fuck my family.

• 5:54Stavros Halkias?

  Where am I gonna go?

• 5:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, it wouldn't be a whole lot

• 6:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 6:00Speaker 03

  More money than he's probably ever seen in his life.

• 6:03Stavros Halkias?

  And, but, but you know, so the issue here is that he's, it's like pretty clear he's being an obstacle to this being sold, is that right?

• 6:12Speaker 03

  Absolutely, and, and I'm not asking for legal advice because they're all, they're handling that, they're like going through the whole process to try to like get the, you know, the, his rights of, of like owning the house taken away so they can just sell it.

• 6:28Speaker 03

  But essentially, I'm just trying to see like, what, is there anything I can do to fuck with him? Because he's, he is fucked with like, he's been a leech, to be honest, like amongst the family for a while.

• 6:46Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 6:46Speaker 01

  Release termites into the foundation.

• 6:49Stavros Halkias?

  They need to sell the house.

• 6:50Speaker 01

  Kind of a scorched earth, but

• 6:53Stavros Halkias?

  That's interesting, okay. Can we walk through, I would just like for my sake to establish that this man truly is a leech, right? Because with no, like, I'll be honest with you, just hearing, maybe it's my, maybe it's the fact you're catching me at a time where I'm feeling generosity. But like, I'm also trying to think in my, I'm putting myself in, now again, obviously my brother, I love my brothers and they're, we have had a good relationship. But I'm thinking about, let's say, I'm, we're kind of, actually, to be honest with you, we're in kind of a, like we have a house, like the house I grew up in, me and my brothers are entitled to it.

• 7:30Stavros Halkias?

  You know, when, whatever, like where, if we were to, if we were to sell it, we would split it, you know, in three. And it's, it's kind of a similar situation, the house is worth fucking, like, right now, the house I grew up in is worth $180,000, which I didn't think I was that, I was truly, I didn't really realize how fucked we were until I started really doing numbers, but so let's say one of my brothers was completely down on his luck, completely fucked, hadn't had his own place and was starting to put his life together. And again, now I'm in a different position, right? Like it's not, it's, at a, there was a time in my life where getting a third that would be life-changing money, it's not anymore.

• 8:12Stavros Halkias?

  So maybe it's not a one for one, but like, is like, I guess, let me just give you the charitable devil's advocate read of this. In a close family where someone is actually getting his life together and if the other two siblings have their shit fully together, is there more value to the family to have your, you know, dirtbag uncle, brother rehabilitate his life in your mother's home, let him keep it, whatever, whatever, whatever, right? That's, that is the devil's advocate charitable if he's a good guy. Sounds like he isn't though, right? Sounds like that's not the case.

• 8:52Stavros Halkias?

  So can you give me some examples of leeching he's done or like fucking with you or your dad or your aunt or some shit like that? I mean, it's clear you don't feel, it's clear you don't feel close to this guy? Because you were like, you described him as sort of an uncle and then you said he's my dad's brother, which is not sort of an uncle. That's literally what an uncle is. But to you, but to you, it's like he's just, he wasn't around or anything, right?

• 9:18Speaker 03

  No, I've maybe met him twice my entire life and I'm like 30 now.

• 9:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's, that's nuts, I got you.

• 9:24Speaker 03

  So, okay, so for, this is a pretty important part of it, actually. He, he hasn't had a job like pretty much ever.

• 9:35Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 9:36Speaker 03

  He's like 42, around there.

• 9:41Speaker 03

  And he has, he's never had a debit card, he's never had a phone until recently. He's never had a bank account until recently. So the thing is, like, even if we, everybody decided to just give him the house, which would be easier.

• 9:59Stavros Halkias?

  Right, it would.

• 10:00Speaker 03

  There's, there's no way he could even keep the house. Either, he has no credit score, he has no way to pay the mortgage that's still on the house.

• 10:11Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, there's still a mortgage on the house?

• 10:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 10:14Stavros Halkias?

  I see, I see, okay.

• 10:15Speaker 03

  So

• 10:15Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, so that's probably why the payout's not that big.

• 10:17Speaker 03

  Gave him the house.

• 10:18Stavros Halkias?

  I got you, okay.

• 10:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 10:19Stavros Halkias?

  I see.

• 10:20Speaker 03

  So if we just gave him the house, that would be easier, but he would still have to leave the house.

• 10:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you don't have

• 10:28Speaker 03

  So it's like

• 10:28Stavros Halkias?

  You don't have faith in him to put it together, I got you, I got you.

• 10:31Speaker 03

  No, no, no. So it's like, do you want to leave the house in a year with no money or right now with like $30,000, $40,000?

• 10:39Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, okay, I got you. So, okay, so, and then, uh, what are some ways he has fucked with you or whatever that you would like to pay back?

• 10:50Speaker 03

  So in the past, this was a while ago, but like he did get arrested for something and my parents like paid for his lawyer for the goat, you know, the goat trial and he just skipped town like he didn't show up.

• 11:08Stavros Halkias?

  That's so fucking shitty. What a piece of shit.

• 11:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:12Stavros Halkias?

  That's crazy. So they were out of lawyer, they paid the lawyer for nothing, basically.

• 11:16Speaker 03

  Yes, exactly.

• 11:18Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, I got you. Well, okay, here's some ways to fuck with him. Um, hmm.

• 11:24Speaker 03

  And here's, here's a couple of obstacles that make it a little interesting. He is out of state, so he's in, he's in.

• 11:31Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 11:33Speaker 03

  And.

• 11:34Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, we can brief those.

• 11:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, that is whatever. Um, and then, yeah, like fucking with the house, we can't really do that. He doesn't really have email or like a phone.

• 11:47Stavros Halkias?

  Honestly, I'm jealous of many aspects of his life. No job, no email, no phone. He's just in the, he's just fucking in, in your grandmother's pool, getting his dick sucked by his white trash girlfriend.

• 11:58Speaker 01

  That's what you fantasize about.

• 11:59Stavros Halkias?

  Literally, dude. I fantasize about this deadbeat's life, dude.

• 12:05Speaker 03

  It sounds kinda nice.

• 12:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 12:09Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, okay, I see. So it's gonna have to be old fashioned.

• 12:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:15Stavros Halkias?

  Well, he definitely has a dive bar he goes into that he's a regular at, probably. Um, you could ruin his reputation there. You could, you could say that he's a, if, if he's, um, uh, yeah, you could say that, uh, he, you know, you could tell his friends he's gay. I'm guessing he's got the kind of friends that that would be devastating to hear. Um, you could, honestly, this is the kind of guy, again, I don't actually support the use of AI. I would say hire, uh, an artist to render pictures of him kissing a man and put the flyers up around where he lives or, or send him video, send his girlfriend a

• 12:56Stavros Halkias?

  video of him kissing a man. Uh, and that's, you don't want to do it directly to him because a guy like this really doesn't understand Photoshop, video editing and AI. If, that's the thing, that's how we can use technology against him. Um, if the, like I've said, the only acceptable use of AI to me is making homophobes mad when you show them a picture of them kissing. Uh, so I think a video of him kissing a guy would actually really piss this guy off because he wouldn't understand how it happened. You know what I mean? Like, totally. He wouldn't even get it. Um, so that's something. And again, I would say if you can hire a, a video artist to do it instead of using AI, but I think that, that

• 13:40Stavros Halkias?

  might be something to look into. Um, yeah, I don't know.

• 13:44Speaker 03

  That's not bad.

• 13:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I think that's a pretty good one. Um.

• 13:48Speaker 03

  He doesn't have Facebook, but he'll use my grandma.

• 13:52Stavros Halkias?

  You could spread a rumor he voted for Joe Biden. I bet his friends would hate that. Um, I guess.

• 13:55Speaker 03

  Well, he probably didn't even vote.

• 13:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, he legally can't vote. That's a good point.

• 14:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:00Stavros Halkias?

  Um, hmm.

• 14:02Speaker 03

  He does use my grandma's Facebook profile to like put things on sale, like on Facebook Marketplace.

• 14:10Stavros Halkias?

  Really? That's hilarious.

• 14:11Speaker 03

  No, I, and she's, you know, dead. So that's kind of, that's wild.

• 14:16Stavros Halkias?

  From the grave, she's fucking moving a, a teak nightstand.

• 14:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:23Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking insane. Um, hmm. Yeah, I mean, I.

• 14:28Speaker 01

  You could catfish him via Facebook Marketplace.

• 14:31Stavros Halkias?

  Ooh, catfishing this guy is actually a really good idea.

• 14:34Speaker 01

  Look for something high ticket that he's trying to sell for a lot of money.

• 14:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, he was trying to sell an oven, but it's not even her oven. It's like someone else's oven.

• 14:44Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, man, that's awesome. Um, yeah, catfishing via Facebook Marketplace is good or just like, um.

• 14:54Stavros Halkias?

  You could, you could pretend to be a hot woman messaging your grandmother about her son, you know, like try and get it. Like, you could like get, because I, it's, yeah. Honestly, Eldis' idea is not bad. Monitor his Facebook Marketplace and make deal, you, now you're gonna have to come up with a few different profiles here. Um, but you're gonna have to like make deal, like, like, uh, drive up the price on stuff and make it seem like it's a perfect deal and then have him just drive to like a fucking, you know, TGI Friday's parking lot 20 miles from where he lives and not show up. I think that's actually a pretty fun use of your time if you want to fuck with it.

• 15:36Speaker 03

  That's good.

• 15:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I think that's a pretty, I think, listen, I think you're kind of, if you can have a honeypot, if you can catfish him sexually and get him to like, you know, send picture, send you a picture of his penis and then mail them to his dress with, you know, so his girlfriend sees them and you could be like, woman to woman, I want you to know, this is what your boyfriend's been up to.

• 15:57Speaker 01

  It sounds, it sounds like not many things will get through to this guy, but sexual humiliation for men works, works for men like at every age, honestly. It's always crushing.

• 16:06Stavros Halkias?

  The dumber you are, the more offended you are if someone calls you gay or like, or tricks you into thinking you can get pussy. Like, and, and so I think you're, you're kind of dealing with a fucking, like, uh, you know, this man is more a primate than he is a homo sapien. He's closer to a gorilla, it sounds like. So that's why I would stoop to these very low, uh, I think that's, that's what I would do. I think we've, we've given you kind of hurt his pockets, uh, hurt his relationship and, you know, humiliate him sexually, I think, I think is, is a, is a nice three-pronged approach to getting back at your uncle.

• 16:48Speaker 03

  That's great. I'm, I'm loving the, the Facebook Marketplace idea.

• 16:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that'll really piss him off. And don't do it all the time. Like, start slow. Do it once, take a break, do it twice in a row, take a break. You know what I mean? Like, kind of fuck, you're now, but I think that one will really piss him off.

• 17:04Speaker 03

  Totally. That's perfect.

• 17:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, man. And yeah, let us know if any of these schemes or plots work out.

• 17:11Speaker 03

  Oh, I, I absolutely will. I, I, there's something around the corner for him. I'm not sure what it is, but I'll let you know.

• 17:17Stavros Halkias?

  All right, man. Well, good luck out there.

• 17:19Speaker 03

  Right. Thank you, guys. And congratulations, Eldis, on the, on being a father.

• 17:23Speaker 01

  Thank you, Dick Nose. I appreciate it. Needs a lot coming from you, Dick Nose. Go fuck your uncle up. Go make his life a bizarre dream reality.

• 17:36Stavros Halkias?

  His already pretty shitty life, which we haven't gotten into why it happened. But listen, we don't have enough time. We got other callers, so we'll talk to you later, buddy. All right?

• 17:46Speaker 03

  See you guys.

• 17:49Speaker 01

  Awesome.

• 17:51Stavros Halkias?

  Um, awesome.

• 17:52Speaker 01

  Poor bastard.

• 17:53Stavros Halkias?

  I know.

• 17:53Speaker 01

  Well, he's probably a piece of shit.

• 17:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, but like, whose fault is that? Tough to say. Anyway, look.

• 18:00Speaker 01

  Who cares?

• 18:01Stavros Halkias?

  How far back can we go? We're doing a fucking comedy show. Next question.

• 18:14Speaker 04

  From the original Free Second Opinion studio, here's Hugh Joints.

• 18:20Stavros Halkias?

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• 19:02Stavros Halkias?

  taking all our sushi orders. They're going through the Visible network brought to you by Verizon. It's fast, it's reliable, it's so sick. They sponsor the Stobies World Hotline, as you know, and make it possible for us to help all our callers out. Oh my God, they're the best. Switch today at visible.com. The Visible plan starts at $25 a month or get the premium Visible Plus Pro Plan and save $10 on your first month with promo code STOVE. Terms apply.