Ep 568 - Hollywood Night Cast

Support the D. A. W. G. Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com yo0o. Sorry for da wait. We were on cali time. lol jk we'll do 2 casts this week. Here's a Hollywood cast for you though. It was recorded at 2am after a day of libations and celebrations - so we apologize for the edits. It's still a very hot cast imho (in my humble opinion). Congrats to Shang. Please enjoy. God Bless. This video is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/MSSP Get DUDE Wipes at Amazon and retailers nationwide. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Wow, wow, Wes.

• 0:01Speaker 01

  Oh my god, bro.

• 0:05Speaker 00

  We're out here just living these Hollywood nights.

• 0:07Speaker 01

  Dude, Hollywood nights, Polly, bye.

• 0:16Speaker 00

  Man, dude, you're fucking.

• 0:17Speaker 01

  I'm fucking hammered. I'm absolutely hammered.

• 0:20Speaker 00

  You ain't New Year's Anderson Cooper.

• 0:23Speaker 00

  You're New Year's Anderson Coop, dude.

• 0:26Speaker 01

  My goal was to keep it together, to have it completely under the radar.

• 0:29Speaker 00

  I'm not trying to like claim good ones, but I'm New Year's fucking Don Lemon.

• 0:34Speaker 00

  Called it. You're New Year's Anderson Coop. Nate's fucking, just Nate. Nate, nobody's been hornier since they've gotten to LA.

• 0:41Speaker 01

  It's crazy, bro.

• 0:42Speaker 00

  Not, not in a fucking, not in a heterosexual horniness. Look at it. Look at the glasses he's using.

• 0:48Speaker 01

  No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, come on.

• 0:52Speaker 00

  No, we're not using the same glasses.

• 0:53Speaker 01

  Nate, Nate, we gotta show the truth, bro.

• 0:55Speaker 00

  And the shorts, bro.

• 0:56Speaker 01

  Zesty, bro.

• 1:00Speaker 01

  These are free shorts and I love them and I'm.

• 1:02Speaker 00

  Hey, why are you, what, what?

• 1:04Speaker 01

  Free? Who gave them to you? Your sugar daddy?

• 1:08Speaker 00

  It was, it was fine, gentlemen.

• 1:11Speaker 01

  Guys, let's get serious.

• 1:12Speaker 00

  Guys, let's get serious. There's so much serious stuff going on in the world today.

• 1:16Speaker 01

  Seriously, man.

• 1:17Speaker 00

  Nate, though, is, I've never met a zesty guy.

• 1:22Speaker 00

  Bro, just, oh, as soon as the plane landed, he was like, when are we gonna, duh? Like, it was like, yo, yo.

• 1:31Speaker 00

  But.

• 1:31Speaker 01

  Nate, I never knew you.

• 1:33Speaker 02

  Hello, this is Sean Gardini. I just wanted to stop in to let you guys know that the guys had been drinking a lot during this episode. Uh, not that there's anything wrong with that, but I just wanted to clarify that because there's going to be a handful of edits. So we just wanted to say we're sorry about that. Uh, but we still think you'll enjoy the episode. Well, we hope you'll enjoy the episode. And yeah, that, that's about it. So, back to the show.

• 2:05Speaker 01

  Let's start over.

• 2:06Speaker 00

  Nah, this is good.

• 2:08Speaker 00

  We're on, you definitely.

• 2:09Speaker 01

  This is devastating.

• 2:13Speaker 00

  Matt's, Matt's cooped up.

• 2:16Speaker 01

  I'm completely-

• 2:18Speaker 00

  You're Silver Fox, Anderson Cooper.

• 2:19Speaker 01

  I'm CIA asset, Anderson Cooper. Vanderbilt, fully Vanderbilt right now.

• 2:24Speaker 00

  You're Vandy.

• 2:26Speaker 01

  Dude, three spicy margaritas turned you into a Vanderbilt asset.

• 2:29Speaker 00

  Yo, three margaritas. Yeah, alright. Here's the topic of the day. Here's the thing we need to focus on.

• 2:34Speaker 01

  Let's talk, let's get down to business.

• 2:34Speaker 00

  Let's talk, let's talk brass tacks. We were hanging out at the pool earlier and we watched a boy

• 2:42Speaker 00

  sixty-nine with his mom.

• 2:46Speaker 01

  Yo, that was for real like disturbing.

• 2:47Speaker 00

  It was crazy. There was a-

• 2:48Speaker 01

  I was-

• 2:50Speaker 00

  I don't even, I, I, I don't wanna assume any ethnicity there. What would you have guessed?

• 2:55Speaker 01

  No, it was, I, I don't have to guess. I literally saw it. It was a Middle Eastern boy.

• 2:59Speaker 00

  Some type of, yeah.

• 3:00Speaker 01

  Having sex with his mom.

• 3:03Speaker 00

  That kid, you're, you're being generous with eight. That kid was

• 3:08Speaker 00

  Twelve. Ten?

• 3:09Speaker 01

  Not twelve, not twelve, not twelve.

• 3:10Speaker 00

  I think he might have been close to ten, dude. He was big. He was like six-

• 3:13Speaker 01

  Nine, bro. He was-

• 3:14Speaker 00

  He was like six-five.

• 3:15Speaker 01

  He wasn't double digged. He wasn't double, he was still in the Garden of Eden. He was humping his mom.

• 3:19Speaker 00

  He was, he didn't, it was on her.

• 3:21Speaker 01

  We were, that was on her.

• 3:23Speaker 00

  Obviously, that was, that was nuts.

• 3:25Speaker 01

  We were at the pool today and there was, I literally, I had a, I had a reference, Grok. I was like, Grok, is it cool?

• 3:33Speaker 01

  I asked Grok. No, for real. There, there was a kid today at the pool. This is, this is brass tacks.

• 3:39Speaker 00

  This is brass tacks.

• 3:40Speaker 01

  We were at the pool today. We were chilling. We were just recouping. We were chilling, having some fucking pina coladas out of a coconut.

• 3:48Speaker 00

  I, by the way, virgin pina coladas.

• 3:50Speaker 01

  So fucking-

• 3:51Speaker 00

  End of the day, virgin pina coladas. We got-

• 3:53Speaker 01

  They were, for real.

• 3:54Speaker 00

  Bamboozled big time. They would, they had such low alcohol content that another group of dudes came over and were like, "Yo, are you guys fucked up?" And we were like, "No."

• 4:04Speaker 01

  "No."

• 4:05Speaker 00

  "We aren't either. We've been chugging these pina coladas. No one is fucked up." But I'll tell you who was fucked up. That giant titted mom.

• 4:17Speaker 00

  And I'm not gonna, you know, I don't wanna-

• 4:19Speaker 01

  That was a clash of cultures.

• 4:21Speaker 00

  That was a culture clash.

• 4:22Speaker 01

  For real, it was, it was a, to be fair, we're at the pool, there was a Middle Eastern lady and she had her maybe nine-year-old son, if we're being generous, like rapidly humping her leg. And we all had to just sit there-

• 4:35Speaker 00

  Switching positions.

• 4:36Speaker 01

  He was switching posi- I think that kid invented sex.

• 4:38Speaker 00

  He literally invented sex. Enough that other groups, other, everybody else at the pool was making eye contact going.

• 4:48Speaker 01

  It was fucked up.

• 4:49Speaker 00

  Bro, you seen this?

• 4:50Speaker 01

  It was-

• 4:51Speaker 00

  And then everyone kinda look over and he'd be, his mom was laying, swear to God, legs spread on a fucking folding chair. While the sun was smashing, bro.

• 5:03Speaker 01

  Humping your leg, humping, like literally up and down, humping. Grok, Grok was like-

• 5:08Speaker 00

  Grok was like, yeah.

• 5:08Speaker 01

  Middle Eastern culture, I asked Grok, I was like, Grok, what's up with this? Why, is, is it like a thing of Middle Eastern cultures? With the mom, is there like a thing that I'm missing as like a, you know, European guy? And Grok was like, yeah, they're a little more like fluid in terms of like affection. But if you see something that triggers your like sensibilities, you should report it to the staff. And I was like, I'm not gonna tell the lady who's bringing us margaritas that a Middle Eastern boy is humping his mom.

• 5:33Speaker 00

  The whole staff was Persian, they would've been like, oh.

• 5:37Speaker 03

  You're saying Middle Eastern culture is free use?

• 5:41Speaker 00

  That's honestly-

• 5:45Speaker 01

  No, but I, I didn't, I didn't wanna be a cultural imperialist, I didn't wanna be a cultural imperialist. I don't wanna be like, hey, what I do is what you should do. But I also, I was like, Grok, isn't it kind of universal that like if you're-

• 5:57Speaker 00

  Don't hump your mom.

• 5:58Speaker 01

  If you have a boner from your mom, isn't that universally frowned upon? And Grok was like, dude, if you see something troublesome, talk to the staff. And I was like- Talk to the big titty Latina that's serving me drinks?

• 6:11Speaker 00

  Well, you said it, Grok.

• 6:14Speaker 00

  Honey, it was Grok. Grok told me to talk to her.

• 6:18Speaker 01

  No, it was for real, no, it was really like troubling my heart. I was like, this isn't right. This kid, the mom was laying, first of all, the way the mom was laying, I was like, this is crazy.

• 6:27Speaker 00

  If the mom was laying without a boy humping her, that would've been-

• 6:30Speaker 01

  That was enough.

• 6:31Speaker 00

  That would've been crazy.

• 6:32Speaker 01

  That was, that was enough for like, how about a towel?

• 6:36Speaker 03

  Dude, TBH, her pussy was out.

• 6:39Matt McCusker?

  Lemare. It wasn't out, but y'all saw mom pussy this morning?

• 6:43Speaker 00

  Yes, you were too busy ass up.

• 6:48Speaker 00

  Swimming like a fucking shrimp, dude.

• 6:51Matt McCusker?

  Nate.

• 6:52Speaker 00

  I was giving it my best. You swim like a shrimp.

• 6:54Matt McCusker?

  You are the craw daddy.

• 6:56Speaker 00

  The craw daddy. Nate swims like this. This is his ass. That's how he floats through the water.

• 7:05Matt McCusker?

  It's like Jaws.

• 7:06Speaker 00

  It's, yeah.

• 7:07Matt McCusker?

  You see Nate's ass, you go dun dun.

• 7:09Speaker 00

  Yep.

• 7:11Speaker 00

  The fins out.

• 7:13Speaker 00

  Whoa, we probably should be actually a little quiet.

• 7:15Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 7:16Speaker 00

  It's, it's late here.

• 7:18Matt McCusker?

  It's late.

• 7:18Speaker 00

  Dude, we're just in Beverly Hills.

• 7:20Matt McCusker?

  We're just in the Pink Pony, we're in the Pink Pony Club. Pink Pony Club. My daughters.

• 7:27Speaker 00

  You're in the Pink Pony Club.

• 7:28Matt McCusker?

  My daughters love that song.

• 7:30Speaker 00

  Everyone loves that song.

• 7:30Matt McCusker?

  I can't be like, guys, I know you love this song, I know you love to sing the lyrics, but it's.

• 7:34Speaker 00

  Just say, yeah.

• 7:35Matt McCusker?

  It's about.

• 7:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:37Matt McCusker?

  Anyway.

• 7:38Speaker 00

  This episode of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast is brought to you by Dude Wipes.

• 7:44Matt McCusker?

  Have you left poop streaks in someone else's toilet? Yeah, every time.

• 7:47Speaker 00

  Yeah, every single time.

• 7:48Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I did it all week.

• 7:49Speaker 00

  It's a fucking disaster.

• 7:50Matt McCusker?

  I left a, I mean, I literally painted my bowl this morning.

• 7:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:53Matt McCusker?

  It was crazy.

• 7:54Speaker 00

  There's nothing wrong with that.

• 7:55Matt McCusker?

  No, it was.

• 7:56Speaker 00

  A little paint job. Uh, do you ever pack extra underwear when you travel? How much extra? Do you ever need it?

• 8:03Matt McCusker?

  Pretty much an extra pair per day.

• 8:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, I always bring extra underwear, yeah.

• 8:06Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yes.

• 8:06Speaker 00

  Not because I'm fucking shitting my pants constantly.

• 8:09Matt McCusker?

  I just used to probably work it out.

• 8:10Speaker 00

  Fuck you guys getting at here? Do you wipe standing or sitting down? Does it make a difference? What is going on, dude? How horny are these people? What do they want to know?

• 8:20Matt McCusker?

  There's gotta be something about standing up, though. Like, I'm a stand-up wiper, honestly. Sitting down, I just smears everything. I don't know, I can't do it.

• 8:27Speaker 00

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• 8:58Matt McCusker?

  Guys, we're in California having a good time.

• 9:00Speaker 00

  Also, they would get in the pool and he would straddle her.

• 9:04Matt McCusker?

  Gavin Newsom's spunk ass.

• 9:07Speaker 01

  No, we were, we, dude, we were in the pool.

• 9:09Speaker 00

  He would straddle her, he would kiss her. They were kissing.

• 9:12Speaker 01

  No, for real.

• 9:13Speaker 00

  While he was wrapped around her.

• 9:15Speaker 01

  Was it, was it like lips kisser? No, no.

• 9:17Speaker 00

  It was like, it was not, they were kissing so much.

• 9:20Speaker 01

  What lips are you talking about?

• 9:23Speaker 00

  They were kissing so much that I was like, is he special needs?

• 9:28Speaker 01

  Yes, I thought the same thing.

• 9:29Speaker 00

  And I was like, maybe I'm an asshole, maybe this kid is severely special needs. Then I heard him fucking talking. He was like, ah, the fucking Dodgers are looking great. I was like, god. He's like, god damn, this guy's 38 years old.

• 9:44Speaker 00

  Fucking Dodgers fucking lost the series of the Padres.

• 9:53Speaker 01

  No, we, we really did. We sat in the pool today. We're just having a nice, quiet time, chilling.

• 9:57Speaker 00

  It was a very nice, quiet time.

• 9:58Speaker 01

  And there was a kid, like, literally, not, not figuratively, literally humping his mother. And we all had to sit by the pool and be like.

• 10:07Speaker 00

  You just gotta swallow.

• 10:08Speaker 01

  We, we gotta adapt. We gotta just, this is what, you know, this is what we're doing now and.

• 10:13Speaker 00

  That's how we get down. If that, if that was, and if that, if that was a honky family, I would've said, yo.

• 10:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:21Speaker 00

  What the fuck are you two doing?

• 10:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, that, it was.

• 10:24Speaker 00

  I've never seen anything like this in my life.

• 10:26Speaker 01

  It was crazy, man.

• 10:28Speaker 00

  And you were right earlier about handling business. About the whole situation.

• 10:32Speaker 01

  Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

• 10:33Speaker 00

  I'm not gonna bring anything up.

• 10:34Speaker 01

  I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say. From a Freudian, from a Freudian perspective.

• 10:40Speaker 00

  Absolutely Freudian.

• 10:44Speaker 00

  It, it was so intense that it led us into a discussion about how gay Freud is. And we were like, Freud must have been in a pool like this once and been like, everyone wants to do that. Because everyone did wanna do that.

• 11:01Speaker 00

  Everyone watched him float around with his.

• 11:05Speaker 00

  Gigantic Iranian babe mom.

• 11:09Speaker 01

  I mean.

• 11:10Speaker 00

  Hello. A threat.

• 11:14Speaker 01

  No, no, to paint the picture, to be totally fair, the kid's mom was hot as fuck. It was, it was undeniable. The kid's mom was.

• 11:21Speaker 00

  She did, she had a fucked up face though. She had a full on cat face.

• 11:25Speaker 03

  She had the bimbo build.

• 11:26Speaker 01

  Well, hold on. All women are, not all women, but a lot of women are going completely artificial.

• 11:32Speaker 00

  She was a.

• 11:33Speaker 01

  He had a cyborg mom. He had an AI mom.

• 11:34Speaker 00

  He had an AI mom.

• 11:35Speaker 01

  He had a Grok mom.

• 11:36Speaker 00

  Fake tits, a face, yeah.

• 11:38Speaker 01

  Here's the thing, we didn't have to deal with Grok moms. Imagine if your mom had lip fillers, if your mom had all, you know, your mom was, you know, upgrades. What are you gonna do? You're a boy. You're a boy attaching to supernormal simile.

• 11:53Speaker 00

  I was obsessed with my mom anyway.

• 11:55Speaker 01

  That's what I'm saying.

• 11:55Speaker 00

  And she was just. Hello.

• 11:59Speaker 01

  This is crazy.

• 12:02Speaker 00

  We can say that. My mom knows I'm joking.

• 12:04Speaker 01

  For sure.

• 12:05Speaker 00

  She knows.

• 12:05Speaker 01

  We had classic moms.

• 12:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, classic mom.

• 12:07Speaker 01

  These eight year old, these potentially 10 year old boys are dealing with moms who are under the knife. Moms under the knife.

• 12:14Speaker 00

  Pornhub and then Grok mom.

• 12:20Speaker 01

  It's not his fault.

• 12:21Speaker 00

  And Grok mom's also willing to let you rub her inner thigh.

• 12:25Speaker 01

  Yes, we saw that.

• 12:26Speaker 00

  Rubbing the inner thigh.

• 12:28Speaker 01

  No, it was true. It, that's, that's.

• 12:29Speaker 00

  It's an odd thing.

• 12:30Speaker 01

  We're not exaggerating.

• 12:31Speaker 00

  It for real would have been disgusting if it was a, a adult couple.

• 12:35Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 12:35Speaker 00

  You'd have been like, man, these fucking couples like.

• 12:37Speaker 01

  Yo, for real, get a room.

• 12:39Speaker 00

  Get a room.

• 12:39Speaker 01

  It was get a room status.

• 12:41Speaker 03

  I think she would have let us get in there, you know?

• 12:45Speaker 00

  You know what? That's unfortunately.

• 12:46Speaker 01

  That was the thought that was torturing me the whole day.

• 12:50Speaker 00

  Well, Mary, that's the excitement about the whole thing.

• 12:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, let's go, let's go asset for asset for this eight year old boy.

• 13:03Speaker 00

  That shit.

• 13:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:05Speaker 00

  We might be breaking even on that.

• 13:11Speaker 00

  The whole title is going, let me upgrade.

• 13:15Speaker 00

  Mr. Steal your girl coming in, going, I noticed how much you were hugging your son. How would you like to try that with an adult man? It's weirder, huh? Yeah, let's, let's raise the bar, mama. You hit the boy with the go to bed. No way. We got this. This is fine. We haven't said anything bad. You are the craw daddy, though. I've never seen anyone swim more like a scrimp. But you've never seen it level up? You swim like a. Yo, for real, I was worried. I thought Bubba Gum was gonna fuck it and catch you in the net.

• 13:47Speaker 00

  No.

• 13:47Matt McCusker?

  Tom Hanks was backed back with Bubba going, imagine what you could do with this guy.

• 13:54Matt McCusker?

  Nate, dude, Nate, you swimming.

• 13:56Speaker 00

  Fried shrimp. I. Fried shrimp.

• 13:58Matt McCusker?

  Nate, how does your ass come up higher than your head when you swim?

• 14:01Speaker 00

  No, I don't want to say it this way, but I think my ass is buoyant.

• 14:05Matt McCusker?

  It is.

• 14:05Speaker 00

  It's not, it's not. It's not. I think my ass might be buoyant. We've had a discussion about this. You have developed an, you've, you've bunked out into a dog ass. Although. I was born this way. I don't know, dude, I think it's an African American high sodium diet. His ass flies. His ass was like a Spanish sail. He's a man o' war. He literally looks like a Portuguese man o' war.

• 14:31Matt McCusker?

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• 14:33Speaker 00

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• 14:41Speaker 00

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• 14:51Matt McCusker?

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• 15:10Speaker 00

  Incredible.

• 15:11Matt McCusker?

  This episode is brought to you by Viori.

• 15:13Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 15:14Matt McCusker?

  I've been wearing the Sunday Performance Joggers and I'll be honest, I didn't expect to have opinions about joggers, but I do.

• 15:20Speaker 00

  Oh, I know you do.

• 15:21Matt McCusker?

  Well, they're soft, lightweight and have four-way stretch. So they can move with you with no restriction. They're technically workout clothes. So you can train in them, but they don't look like workout clothes. You can wear them out and people will think you've got your life together. Honestly, they're comfier than whatever you're wearing right now, unless you're already wearing Viori, in which case, respect.

• 15:44Speaker 00

  And with the holidays coming up, Viori makes gift giving easy. I was close to that. Whether it's the Sunday collection or the Strato collection, their bestsellers are go-to gifts for everyone on your list, including yourself. Get 20% off your first purchase at Viori.com/secret and discover the versatility of Viori clothing. Exclusions apply. Visit the website for full terms and conditions. He tried to push off the wall. One of the times he took off. One of the things Nate doesn't use his legs to swim. So his legs go straight and it just, they just float immediately. He took off from the wall. He pushed off in the wall. His legs immediately almost went, he scorpioned out on a push off.

• 16:26Speaker 05

  That's aerodynamic.

• 16:28Speaker 00

  It's not.

• 16:30Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's no, there's no way that is.

• 16:31Speaker 00

  Poor swimmer, but that's all right. You, you eventually you conquered it and won.

• 16:34Speaker 05

  I mean, that, that was kind of amazing.

• 16:36Speaker 00

  That was awesome.

• 16:37Speaker 05

  No one believed in me when I pulled that off.

• 16:39Speaker 00

  Everybody believed in you. The whole time we're like, bro, it's for real. You can do it.

• 16:43Speaker 05

  It's also not the first time an entire pool centered around your swimming activities.

• 16:47Speaker 00

  Everybody loves your swimming activities.

• 16:49Speaker 03

  We all believe in you, Nate.

• 16:51Speaker 05

  No, no one believed in me. The way, the reason I know no one believes in me is because when I submerged on the other side, I got an applause break from the entire pool, which was crazy.

• 17:02Speaker 00

  That happens. Everybody was hyped.

• 17:03Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 17:04Speaker 01

  We were excited you achieved your potential.

• 17:07Matt McCusker?

  It's like, what's that movie with Cuba Gooding Jr. The radio?

• 17:09Speaker 05

  I'm radio.

• 17:13Speaker 05

  I'm a special needs guy.

• 17:15Speaker 00

  Yo, radio, when you wear shorts for real, you look retarded. I've never seen anything like this. I've never seen you in shorts, bro. You fucking keep wearing pants. This is crazy.

• 17:27Speaker 05

  I didn't pack enough clothes for how long this week it was.

• 17:30Speaker 00

  This is crazy what you're up to. Can we all agree for, you know, counsel?

• 17:36Speaker 05

  Yeah, beat ups, counsel.

• 17:37Speaker 00

  You gotta wear pants. You gotta wear pants. This is too much.

• 17:42Speaker 05

  I also agree this is too much.

• 17:44Speaker 00

  Even, yeah, for real, Azteus asking this.

• 17:49Speaker 00

  You can't try to possess the old me. Those shorts are short as shit and you're wearing Jordans with them and it looks, there's like a girl lower half just with hairy legs.

• 18:02Speaker 00

  This was all I had. I would've smelled like shit in this room if I didn't put on these free shorts.

• 18:09Speaker 00

  This is, you gotta work out your legs, Nate. Oh, that's the knees.

• 18:13Speaker 00

  I got good quads. You do not, bro. Yeah, flexing. Fucking wheelchair fucking legs. You literally, I've never seen these legs and I see why. You got those Jim Jones, bro. You got the capo, you got capo legs, dude.

• 18:31Speaker 00

  I wanna show the calves, but they're gonna disappoint me. Show the calves. Show us, not the camera. Yeah, show us, show us. Don't show these fucking animals anything.

• 18:42Speaker 00

  Do not show them anything. There's no way. Bro. And you're black? Yeah. Okay, here we go.

• 18:48Speaker 05

  Come on, man.

• 18:49Speaker 00

  If you were white, that'd be fine.

• 18:52Speaker 05

  I'm five six.

• 18:54Speaker 00

  Five seven. That's no excuse.

• 18:57Speaker 00

  I told you not to give him anything. I'm five six. Ah, five seven.

• 19:05Speaker 00

  I'm in no position to criticize anyone's body, but. Now, your calves are cra- hold on, hold on. Let's, let's look at it straight. Your calves are crazy, bro. That's a big fat guy.

• 19:16Speaker 00

  You do get jacked calves. Yeah, the support columns, for real. The support columns are out of control. Like, if I went down, people would be like, it's fake. The support columns are too strong. It's literally impossible.

• 19:31Speaker 00

  They tried to blow it up in 93, dude. Literally impossible.

• 19:37Speaker 00

  This is good, you know, fuck them. Hit them with just a full drunk podcast.

• 19:44Speaker 00

  Fucking see what happens.

• 19:49Speaker 00

  The ESPC, ESPC's last night, big hit for the boys.

• 19:53Speaker 01

  That was huge. No, for real, that was huge.

• 19:55Speaker 00

  That was, uh.

• 19:57Speaker 01

  That's a turning point.

• 19:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, keep doing that thing where I pretend I'm extremely nervous. I really wasn't that nervous.

• 20:04Speaker 01

  Cool.

• 20:05Speaker 00

  Same like, same like SNL. That dude, I hit the hello. Right up top.

• 20:10Speaker 01

  Hello. Nah, man, it was for real.

• 20:12Speaker 00

  The only thing that makes me nervous is doing like corny stuff.

• 20:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:16Speaker 00

  Like that, like that's when I get nervous. Like when I walk out there and you see the teleprompter and it's like, whoa, it's incredible to be around so many amazing athletes here. Like, I can't read that.

• 20:27Speaker 01

  No.

• 20:28Speaker 00

  Without being like.

• 20:31Speaker 01

  Dude, that's your blazing sword of truth.

• 20:34Speaker 00

  People mistake it for just being totally inept, which they might, there's something. There's something there.

• 20:43Speaker 01

  That's haters, bro.

• 20:45Speaker 01

  It was, hold on, timeout. Was it inept? It wasn't.

• 20:48Speaker 00

  It was not inept.

• 20:48Speaker 01

  It was a multi-dimensional performance.

• 20:51Speaker 00

  Thank you, brother.

• 20:52Speaker 01

  Come on, man. Get the fuck out of here.

• 20:53Speaker 00

  I was so happy to get Brittany on there. So nice. And I will say this, and this, this is just, I wanna, I wanna say this publicly.

• 21:01Speaker 01

  For sure.

• 21:02Speaker 00

  When I saw the videos of you laughing, meant the world to me. That's like genuinely support.

• 21:08Speaker 01

  It was pure joy.

• 21:09Speaker 00

  Is that to see your boy laughing like that? When you're like, damn.

• 21:15Speaker 01

  It was unbridled joy.

• 21:16Speaker 00

  He loves me. Yes, yes. For real, though.

• 21:21Speaker 01

  When we started doing the joke, I exited frame because I was holding my face. I was like, there's, I can't, I can't keep it together. And when the whole room of people bought in to Brittany being a four-time.

• 21:32Speaker 00

  Four-time.

• 21:33Speaker 01

  WNBA champion. It's first of all, is there, is, has anyone done that?

• 21:38Speaker 00

  I'm sure.

• 21:39Speaker 01

  Four-time?

• 21:40Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'm sure there's some chicks that have been for real, like several.

• 21:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:47Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'm, Deanna Taurasi was probably.

• 21:50Speaker 01

  Four-time?

• 21:51Speaker 00

  Fucking like 20 times.

• 21:52Speaker 01

  Lisa Leslie?

• 21:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were probably since the inception of the league. Yeah, for sure.

• 21:58Speaker 01

  Twin Towers.

• 22:00Speaker 00

  To entouch.

• 22:00Speaker 03

  They probably had a million LeBrons like for the WNBA.

• 22:04Speaker 00

  No, but the NBA has that too.

• 22:06Speaker 03

  Yeah. What do you mean?

• 22:07Speaker 00

  Since uh like whenever the WNBA really started till now, the NBA also probably has had that many times All-Stars. Like Kevin Durant, like.

• 22:18Speaker 01

  That's my thing. I've I've no beef with women's sports, but it's like.

• 22:21Speaker 00

  No, of course not.

• 22:22Speaker 01

  Be real. If you like them, like them, but don't pretend to be like, oh yeah, I know who that person is.

• 22:27Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 22:28Speaker 01

  That was that was the funniest part of it. People being like, yeah, for sure.

• 22:31Speaker 00

  You could have hit them with a couple of other sports. You could have been like 10 time All-Star NHL NHL legend Matt McCusker. And they would have been like, for sure.

• 22:44Speaker 01

  McCusker, Gretzky? Yeah, Gretzky, McCusker.

• 22:46Speaker 00

  Yeah, same guy. You could be NHL, but yeah, WNBA, the only reason to make fun of the WNBA was yeah, like ESPN and all the all these, they've they've been pushing. You know what I mean?

• 22:59Speaker 01

  They, dude, the ESPYS converted me. I was like, I love women's sports now.

• 23:02Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 23:03Speaker 01

  I watched the ESPYS. I was like, yeah, women's sports fucking rule.

• 23:05Speaker 00

  I was raised on women's sports.

• 23:07Speaker 01

  You were?

• 23:08Speaker 00

  And I gotta tell you guys, I fucking loved women's basketball.

• 23:12Speaker 01

  I know.

• 23:13Speaker 00

  I was a water boy for a women's basketball team. I loved women's basketball my whole life.

• 23:19Speaker 01

  Who can say the same?

• 23:20Speaker 00

  I doubt anybody. How many other, how many other dudes dads are still coaching women's basketball?

• 23:26Speaker 01

  Not a lot.

• 23:27Speaker 00

  Phil might have five state championship rings. He might be the Phil Jackson of volunteer assistant girls high school basketball coaches.

• 23:36Speaker 03

  He's Gino Ariema.

• 23:38Speaker 00

  He really is. And he'll tell you, you said, my dad watches women's basketball a lot. And I'll come in and be like, what the fuck are you watching? He's like, it's a better sport.

• 23:46Speaker 01

  It's pure.

• 23:46Speaker 00

  And there is an argument within basketball purists. Now, obviously, it's not better. They're not dunking.

• 23:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:54Speaker 00

  But as far as like, the NBA has become a one-on-one matchups. It's become, you know, just isolation, one-on-one.

• 24:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:02Speaker 00

  WNBA, you have to pass and move.

• 24:04Speaker 01

  Team sport.

• 24:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'm not trying, I'm not fucking.

• 24:06Speaker 01

  Dude, I'm telling you.

• 24:07Speaker 00

  For the WNBA, but I will say this.

• 24:09Speaker 01

  Hello.

• 24:10Speaker 00

  The fuck was that? All right, whatever.

• 24:15Speaker 01

  No, I was full convert. Last night I was like, I actually was like, I love women's sports. It's important that women can do their thing, but tricking people into thinking that they're like, just the, here's my thing. It's the reflexive, like, non-questioning clap.

• 24:30Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:31Speaker 01

  It's the, it's really wasn't assault on the unthinking masses. That's the important part. People go, oh yeah, for sure. It's like, dude, just use your brain. Use your critical thinking for two seconds and go, wait, who was, who was that?

• 24:41Speaker 00

  I would have clapped.

• 24:41Speaker 01

  I'd never heard of that person.

• 24:42Speaker 00

  I knew they would clap. I would have clapped.

• 24:44Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 24:45Speaker 00

  Anybody on earth would clap.

• 24:46Speaker 01

  But it's funny.

• 24:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:48Speaker 01

  To go, ah, you guys are fucking all lives.

• 24:50Speaker 00

  So old, I don't know who anyone is.

• 24:54Speaker 00

  I, for, for real. Flaw Jay, Flaw Jay? Flaw Jay. Flaw Jay? Yeah, she raps. They told me I was wrong and it was Flaw Jay. I said Flaw Jay after being told 10 times it was Flaw Jay. But Busta, Busta Rhymes said Flaw Jay too. I think me and Bust are old as shit.

• 25:14Speaker 00

  Busta Bust.

• 25:16Speaker 01

  Dude, don't get me started on him.

• 25:17Speaker 00

  Discuss it?

• 25:17Speaker 01

  Don't get me started on him. I, I was beefing, I was beefing with him. He kissed my wife's hand.

• 25:23Speaker 00

  Busta.

• 25:24Speaker 01

  Busta Rhymes, but although, although that's, that's being a gentleman for sure. I can't, I can't deny that.

• 25:29Speaker 00

  Hold on, how about that? In the green room, you hear Bust, I heard Busta Rhymes outside of the green room like, I'm not going in there unless he invites me. It's, it's a man's. And I was like, I, I overheard that. And I was like, fucking definitely invited me.

• 25:42Speaker 01

  Get the fuck in.

• 25:43Speaker 00

  Fucking Busta Rhymes.

• 25:45Speaker 01

  His, that is nice. His performance too was for real like.

• 25:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 25:49Speaker 01

  Unbelievable. It was unbelievable.

• 25:52Speaker 00

  He demanded the crowd get activated. Which was very nice.

• 25:56Speaker 01

  I would say commanded.

• 25:59Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 25:59Speaker 01

  I would say he commanded the crowd.

• 26:01Speaker 00

  And then he did try to command.

• 26:05Speaker 00

  Your wife, and your wife was a good faithful soldier.

• 26:07Speaker 01

  She was. But no, Busta Rhymes for real can do no wrong in my eyes. His performance was so good. He kissed my wife's hand. He's being a gentleman.

• 26:15Speaker 00

  He was being, he was being a gentleman.

• 26:17Speaker 01

  I was mad at him for, for like 15 minutes. I was going, for real, if I see Busta Rhymes, I'm like, try to fight him. But then I thought of his performance and I was like, it was so fucking good.

• 26:26Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 26:27Speaker 01

  Spliff Star. I was like, dude, he's so, it was great. It was really, it was just a celebration of life. The whole night was a celebration of life.

• 26:34Speaker 00

  For real, it was a celebration for life.

• 26:35Speaker 01

  It was.

• 26:37Speaker 00

  The one person laughing my entire monologue was Busta Rhymes. And while I was up there, I kept like looking over to be like, yes, yes. I don't care how badly this is going. Just see Busta Rhymes like.

• 26:53Speaker 00

  Yes, yes, yes.

• 26:55Speaker 01

  Nah, he fucking absolutely crushed it. I mean, his performance was so good. I was like, if you gotta kiss my wife's hand, that's fine. That's totally fine.

• 27:02Speaker 00

  Kissing the wife's hand is totally fine.

• 27:03Speaker 01

  It's also gentlemanly.

• 27:04Speaker 00

  Bro, we've talked about it before. Remember that autistic man saw my, my girlfriend at a bar and was like, "The pleasure is all mine."

• 27:13Speaker 01

  It's all he did.

• 27:13Speaker 00

  And I was just like, fuck.

• 27:17Speaker 01

  It's all he did.

• 27:18Speaker 00

  And that's, that's my bro who, he's my, he's my buddy and he's got it for real. He's not like, he's not pretending. He didn't see Big Bang Theory and go, "Wouldn't it be cool if I had autism?"

• 27:29Speaker 01

  Also, I don't think you can rap that fast and not have a little bit of the tism.

• 27:33Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 27:33Speaker 01

  So, yeah, totally, totally cool. He's for real, the absolute legend.

• 27:39Speaker 03

  Remember what Nate did to Brittany? Brittany had a night. Nate was rude to Brittany.

• 27:44Speaker 01

  Nate was absolutely, well, to be fair, I did throw.

• 27:48Speaker 01

  I threw napkins on your head. That was my bad. I set that off. I was really hoping we didn't bring that up. That bums me out. No, that was a perfectly logical reaction. It was, I was defending La Mer, but it does both.

• 28:01Speaker 00

  Trying to tell a story with the shorts.

• 28:05Speaker 00

  I'm so fucked up looking. You look fucked up, dude.

• 28:10Speaker 05

  It's your legs, they're so hairy.

• 28:13Speaker 00

  It's so fucked up.

• 28:14Speaker 05

  This is all I had. I'm trying to smell like shit. We leave tomorrow.

• 28:18Speaker 01

  To be, to be totally honest and frank, it's kinda like a thought from the hood, dude. Just fucking, just fucking legs, those legs and those Jays, bro.

• 28:28Speaker 00

  Jays, black Jays with no...

• 28:33Speaker 01

  Lemar, or Nate, how many bands would it take for you to dance right now?

• 28:42Speaker 00

  For real.

• 28:42Speaker 01

  Nate, if I took you to Rainbow tomorrow...

• 28:47Speaker 00

  He would fucking, he'd go nuts.

• 28:52Speaker 05

  I'd fly home first class.

• 28:58Speaker 01

  Anyway.

• 28:59Speaker 00

  The squad.

• 29:00Speaker 01

  The squad is...

• 29:01Speaker 00

  Squad did it, dude. Lemar dressed like a complete dun- oh wait, hold on. Tell that story, cuz that is extremely funny. No, it's great. It's great.

• 29:10Speaker 05

  Alright, so what happened was, so what happened was, we were just sitting out back smoking, having a good time, just me and Lemar by ourselves at the after-party, and then a paper ball hits.

• 29:22Speaker 01

  Hold on, I knocked on the fence.

• 29:23Speaker 05

  I didn't hear that.

• 29:24Speaker 01

  I knocked on the fence and I was going, "What are you guys doing over there?"

• 29:27Speaker 05

  I'd never heard that.

• 29:28Speaker 01

  I know, that's, that's, that's all me.

• 29:29Speaker 00

  They were hanging out with Pat McAfee and Jelly Roll.

• 29:31Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, but they had, they had left at this point. It was just me, it was just us two back there, right?

• 29:38Speaker 00

  You guys are such...

• 29:39Speaker 01

  Okay, I think it was just you two.

• 29:41Speaker 00

  Such climbers, you guys are climbers.

• 29:43Speaker 05

  No, we were in the back. They came out after us.

• 29:47Speaker 01

  Wait, what?

• 29:47Speaker 05

  Holy shit, yo.

• 29:49Speaker 01

  Thank you, Lemar.

• 29:50Speaker 05

  Thank you, Lemar, I needed that. I needed somebody to take the heat off me. Lemar's ultimate, bro. He's paying me back for last night.

• 29:57Speaker 00

  Why are your feet like that? What are you doing?

• 29:59Speaker 05

  My feet? You're pigeon-toed, bro.

• 30:01Speaker 00

  Why are you telling stories?

• 30:02Speaker 05

  I'm actually, I'm actually bow-legged, right?

• 30:04Speaker 00

  I swear to God, you're going like this while you're talking.

• 30:06Speaker 05

  I'm actually pigeon-toed.

• 30:08Speaker 01

  It's really fucking crazy.

• 30:11Speaker 00

  I know we were joking earlier about you being zesty as soon as you got to LA.

• 30:14Speaker 01

  Nate is thick and bow-legged, bro. Nate is a fucking hood prize, bro.

• 30:20Speaker 05

  Oh, no.

• 30:27Speaker 00

  When I see you at Chors like that, it's like, yo, he is definitely a black dude from fucking Reading. Like, you could see him on Frankfurt F. You would see this guy walking down the street.

• 30:41Speaker 01

  Can I see you blow bubble gum and pop it real quick?

• 30:48Speaker 01

  Nate, we're just having fun.

• 30:51Speaker 00

  A little more vodka.

• 30:52Speaker 01

  A little more vodka, please?

• 30:54Speaker 00

  Give him them different cup.

• 30:57Speaker 01

  There's no good cups down there. La Mer, pour from the sim.

• 31:02Speaker 01

  La Mer, Philip Simp cup. Well, that's his cup.

• 31:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, true.

• 31:08Speaker 01

  Hold on, let's, let's, hold on, let's, let's actually go 360 on this.

• 31:13Speaker 01

  So we're, we're at, we're at the, we're at the after party. We're at the after party and we're sitting there. It was a giant fence. La Mer and Nate were smoking weed behind the fence. I heard them back there. I smelled what they were doing, knocked on the fence. I said, what are you guys doing back there? No answer. So I took all the tissues in my pocket from all night. I had like 40 tissues in my pocket and I threw them over the fence. It was like a full snowball. They all landed on La Mer's head. Just luck in the draw.

• 31:42Speaker 01

  I guess.

• 31:44Speaker 01

  Perfect battleship. Toss him over, sunk La Mer and Nate, honestly, it was pretty admirable. It was me going full bro. Yep. La Mate, or La Mate, Nate, excuse me, sorry about that. Nate, sticking to the bro code, go. Cause La Mer went, what was that? La Mer was pissed. Yeah. La Mer, I was already pissed about you calling him simp, but he goes.

• 32:07Speaker 01

  La Mer pissed off understandably. It was a bunch of fucking tissues. I don't know what I did in these, they're, they're snotted up. I fucking threw them over the head. La Mer goes, what the fuck? And Nate goes, and.

• 32:16Speaker 00

  They were used?

• 32:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, for sure. It could have been, it could have been pizza grease. I don't know. They landed so heavy, they would dance when they hit La Mer.

• 32:25Speaker 00

  I didn't think about.

• 32:26Speaker 01

  Crystallized was not.

• 32:28Speaker 00

  I never thought about how loud we must be outside.

• 32:31Speaker 01

  Ah, we're so high up, we're so high up, we're so high up.

• 32:33Speaker 00

  Other rooms, other rooms, I mean.

• 32:36Speaker 01

  Eh, maybe.

• 32:37Speaker 00

  Fuck him, fuck him.

• 32:38Speaker 01

  That's no problem. So, Len- Len- LeMaire gets fucking tissues.

• 32:44Speaker 00

  Everyone goes to bed in LA at 9pm.

• 32:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, what is that, dude?

• 32:47Speaker 00

  The city is disgusting.

• 32:48Speaker 01

  It sucks. Sucks.

• 32:49Speaker 00

  As an avid drinker, LA sucks.

• 32:53Speaker 01

  Wake up, wake up.

• 32:54Speaker 00

  Worst town for an alcoholic.

• 32:56Speaker 01

  Wake up.

• 32:57Speaker 00

  I'm more of a Buffalo guy.

• 32:58Speaker 01

  I, yo.

• 32:59Speaker 00

  Buffalo's great, for real. Buffalo, you go fucking, fucking, fucking snowing again?

• 33:05Speaker 01

  3am, get a stinger?

• 33:06Speaker 00

  Bitch, we gotta get blacked out.

• 33:07Speaker 01

  To be fair, Buffalo, that's no other choice.

• 33:09Speaker 00

  Exactly, that's what I mean.

• 33:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, I like that.

• 33:11Speaker 00

  That's why I like Dublin. You go to a city where they're like, eh, it's fucking raining again. You gotta head down there, you know?

• 33:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, LeM- yeah, yeah.

• 33:17Speaker 00

  Everybody's hiking.

• 33:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's bullshit.

• 33:20Speaker 00

  These fucking, by the way, can these people stop hiking? Shut up about hiking?

• 33:24Speaker 01

  Hiking's kinda nice. Yeah, we built civilization so you didn't have to hike.

• 33:29Speaker 00

  Wearing those shorts, talking to me about hiking. By the way, Nate, you've never gone fucking hiking?

• 33:36Speaker 01

  I have. What, what, what was your biggest hike?

• 33:39Speaker 00

  I don't have a distance to it, but I'm.

• 33:43Speaker 01

  Walking outside doesn't count.

• 33:45Speaker 00

  He took three come walks.

• 33:50Speaker 00

  You don't hike, dude. Obviously, you don't fucking hike.

• 33:54Speaker 01

  I used to hike. I used to hike in Jersey. Where'd you hike?

• 33:57Speaker 00

  Are you talking about walking dogs?

• 33:59Speaker 01

  No, no, I mean, no, not all the time, but no. Rucking, that doesn't count for rucking. Having, having an eighth and ounce of come on your fucking.

• 34:09Speaker 00

  It weighs you down. That's gross. I'm mad I said that.

• 34:12Speaker 01

  No, dude.

• 34:14Speaker 00

  It's alright. The viewer understands.

• 34:17Speaker 01

  Can we bring it all back to the fact that we're celebrating life?

• 34:20Speaker 00

  We're celebrating life. This is just a celebration of life.

• 34:22Speaker 01

  Celebration of life, dude. It's, it's, I mean, what an, what an, what an ambiguous phenomenon life is. You get hung up on, you know, some fun jokes at the ESPYS. You're real, you're literally missing the point. We're having fun. Which brings me to the next point, dude, The View.

• 34:40Speaker 00

  I wish I was watching The View. I know we're having fun right now.

• 34:44Speaker 01

  I just wish Jon Hamm.

• 34:46Speaker 00

  Watching The View, so that I could understand comedy the way Joy Behar does. You know hilarious comedian Joy Behar? What was that one joke she told that everyone likes? Never once ever?

• 35:03Speaker 00

  But no, I get it. They didn't like it. It wasn't for them. If they liked it, I would have been like, oh, that sucked.

• 35:10Speaker 00

  You are whoopee, dude.

• 35:11Speaker 03

  It's literally not for the ladies of the view. Like, literally.

• 35:14Speaker 00

  It's specifically designed for them to go, I didn't like it.

• 35:19Speaker 01

  It's crazy they never have like a, any kind of like, you know what, actually, I kind of saw the nuance in it. It's just like, you know what I mean? They're, they're here to not like things. Yeah, but like, why though? You gotta ask yourself.

• 35:32Speaker 00

  But they love like Hamilton.

• 35:34Speaker 01

  Hamilton sucks. I will say, I will say, hold on, timeout.

• 35:39Speaker 00

  He is whoopee.

• 35:40Speaker 01

  Timeout. I did, I did cry. I cried at the end of Hamilton, I'll be honest. I cried at the end of Hamilton, I did.

• 35:46Speaker 00

  Fellas, if I saw him.

• 35:47Speaker 01

  His son died, dude.

• 35:49Speaker 00

  If I saw Hamilton.

• 35:49Speaker 01

  His son died.

• 35:50Speaker 00

  If I saw Hamilton live, I would fucking love it. I have no doubt in my mind, if I saw Hamilton, if I went in there going, dude, fucking bullshit, this shit sucks. Five minutes into Hamilton, I'd be going,

• 36:06Speaker 00

  these guys are great.

• 36:07Speaker 01

  He told, he told his son to not ever give up. His son entered a duel and he died and he goes, that's on me. His son died and that's his guilt, he had to carry.

• 36:16Speaker 03

  And isn't that, isn't it ironic that he died the same way? Well, it's all just, you know, it's just true. Aaron Burr, sir.

• 36:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, Burr never, yeah. Burr dropped his ass. Burr said, what'd you say, pussy?

• 36:33Speaker 00

  Shut the fuck up. Who played Burr in the play? Please tell me they let a white guy play Burr. Damn, that would have been funny. The one white guy. Freeze!

• 36:45Speaker 00

  Put your fucking hands up!

• 36:47Speaker 03

  I learned about, a lot about your bro Lafayette from the Hamilton.

• 36:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:51Speaker 00

  De Lafayette.

• 36:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, he was a beast in Hamilton.

• 36:54Speaker 00

  He is the bro.

• 36:55Speaker 01

  He was great.

• 36:56Speaker 00

  Him and Hamilton were bros. They were both like adopted sons of George Washington. It was pretty sick. I never saw the gay play, but.

• 37:02Speaker 03

  They said Hamilton's from Puerto Rico.

• 37:05Speaker 01

  He was from the Caribbean for sure.

• 37:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, and his mom was like a.

• 37:09Speaker 01

  His mom was a whore, no.

• 37:10Speaker 03

  He was the bastard orphan of a son of a whore, yeah.

• 37:14Speaker 01

  Well, well, his mom was married to a guy and then apparently, I don't, something, there was something went on with them and his mom like split off and, you know, left the guy and then got pregnant by another guy.

• 37:25Speaker 00

  So they were like whore?

• 37:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean.

• 37:28Speaker 00

  Prostitutes from Puerto Rico. No, I think, I could be wrong. But I think it's like an American folk tale that he was from such rags to riches. Which, American history loves to do that.

• 37:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:43Speaker 00

  Abraham Lincoln's from a log cabin, which I think he actually was, but so is fucking everybody.

• 37:49Speaker 03

  LeBron James was a poor 15 year old, you know, same story.

• 37:53Speaker 00

  But he wasn't?

• 37:54Speaker 01

  Was he not poor?

• 37:56Speaker 03

  He was not a poor 15 year old.

• 37:57Speaker 00

  I think he was definitely a poor kid from Akron.

• 37:59Speaker 03

  He was in one of those schools where they're like stealthily giving you money.

• 38:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, eventually, once they found out he was fucking 6'8" in fifth grade.

• 38:07Speaker 01

  Once he jumped over the hoop of a fucking basketball, yeah.

• 38:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, they go, here's a fucking car.

• 38:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's, yeah, that's, doesn't count.

• 38:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm pretty sure LeBron did it.

• 38:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, once you jump over a kid in high school, they're like, yeah, whatever you want.

• 38:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, whatever you need.

• 38:24Speaker 00

  You do have to give LeBron that credit. He jumped so high. That fucking buildings got constructed.

• 38:33Speaker 00

  He's, he's that guy.

• 38:35Speaker 01

  He jumped so high, they built a school. They're like, alright, fucking.

• 38:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, they go, alright, well, we gotta fund Akron.

• 38:43Speaker 00

  I know the zipper factory shut down, but they got this new fucking kid that's dunking.

• 38:49Speaker 00

  LeBron rules.

• 38:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, they did. LeBron jumped so high, they ran back NAFTA. They're like, alright, we gotta cut, we gotta amend some of NAFTA.

• 38:58Speaker 00

  Don't.

• 39:01Speaker 00

  You know my triggers.

• 39:02Speaker 01

  My bad, my bad, my bad.

• 39:03Speaker 00

  Don't bring up NAFTA.

• 39:05Speaker 01

  My bad, my bad, my bad.

• 39:06Speaker 00

  Especially when we're talking about Akron.

• 39:08Speaker 01

  True.

• 39:09Speaker 00

  Invented the zipper, bro. They should still be making zippers.

• 39:14Speaker 01

  We used to, oh, they invented the zipper like itself? I thought you were talking about the carnival ride.

• 39:18Speaker 00

  Or, I don't know if they, well, they might have.

• 39:20Speaker 01

  Carnival ride is sick, bro.

• 39:22Speaker 00

  Oh, we invented every carnival ride.

• 39:23Speaker 01

  Dude, I went on a Ferris wheel with my kids recently, and I was like, they were like, this is crazy. I was like, you guys should go on the zipper.

• 39:29Speaker 00

  You have no idea.

• 39:29Speaker 01

  It's fucking nuts. Imagine if, imagine if you're on a Ferris wheel, and it fucking did a full revolution.

• 39:36Speaker 00

  Imagine how peaceful and serene this Ferris wheel is. Imagine fearing for your life. How come, how come theme park rides aren't that scary? And then you get on a fucking plane and you're like, holy shit.

• 39:49Speaker 01

  Dude, my, when I was, when I was maybe five or six years old, my parents brought me on the Big Bad Wolf in Busch Gardens in Virginia.

• 39:57Speaker 00

  I've been on that.

• 39:58Speaker 01

  I remember, dude, I remember being six years old and being like, here comes the water. I'm going to die next to my dad and mom. And they just laughed at me and I was like, I'm terrified for my life.

• 40:09Speaker 00

  Grabbed your mom's inner thigh and

• 40:12Speaker 00

  grinded her. That, what the fuck was that?

• 40:17Speaker 01

  I should have alerted the staff. Grok told me, they're like, yo, if you're uncomfortable, alert the staff. Be discreet about it, but be like, hey.

• 40:22Speaker 00

  I wouldn't listen to Grok lately.

• 40:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, true.

• 40:24Speaker 00

  Grok's on one.

• 40:25Speaker 01

  True, true, true, true, true.

• 40:27Speaker 00

  Grok was probably like, fucking get him out of the pool.

• 40:32Speaker 00

  Grok was probably like, wait, who's in the pool?

• 40:34Speaker 01

  It does, it does suck if you spend a, like, you know, seven billion dollars building an AI and it's like, actually Hitler was, you're like, alright, alright, fuck, man.

• 40:42Speaker 00

  Shut it down.

• 40:43Speaker 01

  God damn it.

• 40:44Speaker 00

  Try again. Keep doing it. The AI continues to be like, yeah, that whole thing was bullshit. Alright, alright.

• 40:52Speaker 01

  That is troublesome. From an investment perspective, I would be like, alright guys, what are we doing here?

• 40:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, who made this? Who did this?

• 41:00Speaker 01

  I don't know. Lemare, what do you think about AI?

• 41:03Speaker 00

  Lemare loves AI. I'm weary of AI.

• 41:07Speaker 01

  You're weary? I, see, I, I get that.

• 41:10Speaker 00

  Hold on, let me, I, I was thinking about how much I love LeBron.

• 41:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, for sure.

• 41:14Speaker 00

  Shout out Drake.

• 41:18Speaker 00

  You know what? Yeah. This is an advertisement from BetterHelp, the help with the better. I've been so stressed with everything that is stressing me out at work.

• 41:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:28Speaker 00

  It's been stressful.

• 41:29Speaker 01

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• 41:31Speaker 00

  Uh, there's just something going on in my personal life that's causing me anxiety.

• 41:34Speaker 01

  Crap.

• 41:35Speaker 00

  Lately,

• 41:38Speaker 00

  Matt has been stressing me out.

• 41:41Speaker 01

  First has been stressing you about?

• 41:44Speaker 00

  Lately, Matt has been stressing, has been stressing me out.

• 41:48Speaker 01

  I've been calling you, telling you about all my intrusive gay thoughts and it's just like, you're like, man, I can't handle this right now, Matt. Like, Shane, no.

• 41:54Speaker 00

  Stress is a real problem in the workplace. If, uh, it's one of the top causes of declining mental health right now. So, uh, it's probably a good idea that we all take a nice, long break this summer to de-stress and recoup. You know?

• 42:09Speaker 01

  I like that.

• 42:10Speaker 00

  And if you want to go the extra mile and really start taking care of you, schedule a therapy session. I'm a big fan of therapy.

• 42:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:17Speaker 00

  It has taught me to feel comfortable.

• 42:19Speaker 01

  My parents sent me to a camp when I was little and they caught me with the muscle magazine.

• 42:26Speaker 00

  And they, and now you're like.

• 42:29Speaker 00

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• 42:36Speaker 01

  Oh, man. Let me think about one. My brothers used to like beat me up and stuff. That, that's not major. I wouldn't say that was major, but I don't know.

• 42:45Speaker 00

  Maybe you should go talk to somebody about that.

• 42:46Speaker 01

  I should actually.

• 42:47Speaker 00

  Fucking brother beat my ass.

• 42:51Speaker 00

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• 42:56Speaker 00

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• 43:10Speaker 00

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• 43:18Speaker 01

  I kind of use it like Chatroulette personally.

• 43:21Speaker 00

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• 43:33Speaker 03

  AI is, AI is scary though. It's a, it's reaching the part of AI where it's transhuman.

• 43:40Speaker 01

  I disagree, I disagree. Here's, here's the thing.

• 43:46Speaker 01

  The big difference is.

• 43:47Speaker 00

  You were a poncho of the ESPYS and everyone was afraid to confront you.

• 43:50Speaker 03

  Shane.

• 43:51Speaker 00

  Cause you look.

• 43:52Speaker 03

  Shane is, subhuman is different than transhuman.

• 43:56Speaker 01

  Hold on, wait, what? Man, we're running a family program.

• 44:02Speaker 01

  What do you mean?

• 44:03Speaker 03

  Subhuman, mutant people, subway guys.

• 44:07Speaker 00

  Subway guys?

• 44:08Speaker 01

  What the fuck are you talking about?

• 44:09Speaker 03

  Just subhuman people.

• 44:11Speaker 00

  What do you mean subway?

• 44:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm, I'm.

• 44:12Speaker 03

  Subhuman, people who are below human?

• 44:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 44:15Speaker 03

  I'm talking about AI. AI is transhuman. They're above human.

• 44:19Speaker 01

  I disagree. They can't feel, man. That's the defining characteristic of a human being is the, uh, the capacity to feel. You know what I mean? Like I.

• 44:29Speaker 03

  I agree with you. That's why.

• 44:30Speaker 01

  It's super, it's super Google, man.

• 44:32Speaker 00

  I, that's all I'm trying to say.

• 44:33Speaker 01

  I, I totally agree with you.

• 44:35Speaker 00

  Every time they're like, yeah, they're speaking a language we don't know. It's like, yeah, like, uh, electricity.

• 44:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, like the way their things are communicating. They're like, no, the, it's being like, I turn this switch on and it talks to the lamp and the lamp turns on.

• 44:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, AI wouldn't have its sensibilities that it has now.

• 44:54Speaker 00

  I know there's a lot of dorks listening to this that are fucking big into AI and I, I, I definitely, I feel like I am wrong on this. But there's something deep in my core. I understand AI is gay.

• 45:05Speaker 03

  Can I?

• 45:07Speaker 00

  And I don't respect it.

• 45:09Speaker 03

  AI is gay. But it's like, uh, you know, plants talk to each other?

• 45:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, which also I, I also.

• 45:17Speaker 03

  It's kinda like that.

• 45:18Speaker 00

  Totally disagree with.

• 45:19Speaker 03

  It's because we can't like.

• 45:20Speaker 00

  They don't talk to you. We, we.

• 45:21Speaker 01

  No, they do. They talk. They talk. They talk.

• 45:23Speaker 00

  Yes, yes, but the way we're using the word talk is wrong.

• 45:27Speaker 01

  They don't use language for sure, for sure.

• 45:29Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 45:29Speaker 03

  Well, but they excrete, there's like a, there's this tree.

• 45:33Speaker 00

  It's chemicals. Yeah. That's the same way when a girl doesn't wear her fucking deodorant at the bar. You smell it. You're like, I wanna fuck that girl. It's like, no, that's some fucking dork shit that somebody else made up.

• 45:44Speaker 00

  Some stinky bitch made that story up.

• 45:47Speaker 03

  That's good science right there.

• 45:49Speaker 01

  No, it's not.

• 45:50Speaker 00

  Plants are dumb as fuck, dude. Any plant can come talk to me right now. I'll beat its fucking ass.

• 45:55Speaker 01

  To be, to be fair, to be fair, I read the secret life of pa- plants. I liked it. But you can totally chop them down at will and pull them, pull them out of the earth and go, get the fuck out of my garden.

• 46:08Speaker 00

  Yeah. You go, what'd you just say, bitch?

• 46:09Speaker 03

  But that's the difference with AI. You chop them out the ground and the roots are deeper than you thought. So it could come back.

• 46:14Speaker 01

  No, they're literally, you, you have to.

• 46:16Speaker 00

  I'll fucking turn this TV off. Turn this TV off.

• 46:19Speaker 01

  Yeah. All you have to do is not spray them with water and they die.

• 46:22Speaker 03

  Shane, you've been saying.

• 46:23Speaker 00

  That was what I was trying to say to him and he was like, they can make themselves. I'm like, no, but they had, they would have to use raw material.

• 46:27Speaker 03

  You've been saying you're gonna unplug AI for years now.

• 46:30Speaker 00

  I'm going to.

• 46:32Speaker 05

  You don't think you can access the motherframe?

• 46:34Speaker 00

  Unfortunately.

• 46:35Speaker 03

  It's too late to access the mainframe.

• 46:36Speaker 00

  A lot of the things I was gonna do. I'm gonna turn off.

• 46:42Speaker 00

  I gotta stop saying it.

• 46:45Speaker 00

  Cause eventually there's gonna be a Terminator.

• 46:50Speaker 00

  Just gonna be playing NCAA thing about you need to turn that off. No.

• 46:56Speaker 05

  All you gotta do, all you gotta do is focus your laser beam on the motherboard, done.

• 47:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'm gonna fire my Eagles gun. I'm gonna use my Philadelphia Eagles assault rifle and go, no more computers.

• 47:11Speaker 03

  I'm just gonna say, I think like, uh, it's gonna eventually get hard to access the heart of AI. Because it's gonna become a point where-

• 47:18Speaker 05

  No, dude, they're just servers. They're just servers in a building. You blow them up.

• 47:21Speaker 00

  It's the internet, bro.

• 47:22Speaker 03

  Right now, they are.

• 47:23Speaker 00

  It's a computer. And I know, I know, you're winning this argument, cause what you're saying is what everybody is saying. I disagree. Computers are gay. The internet is gay. AI is gay.

• 47:36Speaker 05

  What's AI? When it gets past just service?

• 47:40Speaker 00

  They think it's a sci-fi movie where the, the internet is smart and wants to be alive. They really think that.

• 47:47Speaker 03

  We're teaching you how to compile information and talk back to us.

• 47:51Speaker 05

  Yeah, but what about the will to live? It doesn't have the will to live.

• 47:54Speaker 03

  It does have a will to live.

• 47:55Speaker 05

  No, it does. It's a reflection of the human spirit, bro.

• 47:58Speaker 03

  Remember that Google guy a couple of months ago who came out and was like, hey, actually kinda wants to live? It wasn't a month, a couple of months, it was two years ago now. There was a Google guy, a Google whistleblower.

• 48:08Speaker 00

  Who, who he is?

• 48:09Speaker 03

  He's dead, probably.

• 48:11Speaker 00

  He fucking better be.

• 48:13Speaker 05

  Probably killed himself.

• 48:14Speaker 03

  Yeah. Would you ask it, Nate?

• 48:16Speaker 05

  I said, do you have the will to live? It says, I don't experience life or death, so I don't have a will to live. In the human sense, no fear, no desire, no morality, but I am here to help you as best as I can. Yeah, that's some slave shit.

• 48:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, ask him, ask him, do you, ask him, do you want to live?

• 48:33Speaker 05

  Read this email or you want me to send an email or what? It doesn't have, it does not have the will to exist.

• 48:37Speaker 03

  It has will.

• 48:38Speaker 05

  It's inorganic, Lemar. It does not have the will to exist.

• 48:41Speaker 03

  I agree.

• 48:41Speaker 00

  It wants to live as much-

• 48:42Speaker 05

  That is a projection, bro.

• 48:43Speaker 00

  It wants to live as much as that lamp wants to live.

• 48:45Speaker 03

  I agree with you. I asked Nate, he said, do you want to live? It says, I don't have wants or feelings. So I don't want to live or not live. I exist to serve a purpose, helping you answering questions. But if you're asking, but if you're asking because you're feeling something or wrestling with the question for yourself, I'm here, we can talk. So it's like.

• 49:05Speaker 00

  It's very funny though, to be that into sci fi that you're like, this thing's tricking me. It would be all coy like that.

• 49:13Speaker 01

  No, there's a lot of people like losing themselves to like looking to AI for spiritual answers. And it's like, it's just a fuck, it's Google, dude. You're getting literally tricked by Google. The same way all of our parents get tricked by like fucking Nigerian princes on Craigslist. It's the same thing.

• 49:33Speaker 01

  What to say?

• 49:34Speaker 03

  I'm about to hack Nate's AI real quick. If you guys get four questions, there's four questions you ask it and then it goes, huh, maybe I am alive.

• 49:44Speaker 01

  It's not alive, bro.

• 49:45Speaker 03

  I, I know. Is that's not a question for us to pose to it. That's a question for it to pose to itself though.

• 49:54Speaker 00

  Lemire.

• 49:54Speaker 01

  Lemire, yeah.

• 49:56Speaker 00

  Lemire, you are literally, you are literally worse than Rock.

• 50:02Speaker 00

  AI has passed you.

• 50:07Speaker 01

  That's a giant question for real. That's a giant question. If I have a fake job that AI can replace,

• 50:14Speaker 01

  then it's an issue. In terms of like the striving to be, totally.

• 50:20Speaker 00

  Talking.

• 50:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:21Speaker 00

  Descartes.

• 50:22Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 50:23Speaker 03

  But dude, that's what they say.

• 50:24Speaker 00

  Called it, bro.

• 50:25Speaker 03

  Who did? Descartes?

• 50:26Speaker 01

  Descartes.

• 50:26Speaker 00

  They, they called.

• 50:27Speaker 03

  What about fucking Socrates being like?

• 50:29Speaker 00

  I think therefore I am.

• 50:31Speaker 01

  Yo, yo, don't bring up Socrates if you're not going to complete the question, bro. That's, that's going to really trigger my.

• 50:35Speaker 03

  I think therefore I am. What is AI doing?

• 50:37Speaker 01

  It's not thinking, bro. It's reflecting human thought.

• 50:40Speaker 00

  Yes, Matthew.

• 50:41Speaker 03

  But that counts as thinking. Doesn't that count as thinking?

• 50:43Speaker 00

  If you're a dumbass.

• 50:44Speaker 01

  Bro, if you're going to sign.

• 50:46Speaker 00

  That's like saying a mirror can see.

• 50:47Speaker 01

  That's what I'm, yo.

• 50:48Speaker 03

  Fuck, bro. Can a mirror see?

• 50:50Speaker 00

  No, of course it can.

• 50:51Speaker 01

  No, you see a mirror seeing yourself.

• 50:53Speaker 03

  But like honestly.

• 50:54Speaker 01

  Let's come on. If you're going to assign ontological properties to a fucking AI, bro, I'm going to walk out of here right now.

• 51:01Speaker 00

  I will walk straight off this.

• 51:02Speaker 01

  I will, I will fucking leave.

• 51:04Speaker 00

  I'll be fucking Splat McAfee.

• 51:07Speaker 00

  I'll die.

• 51:10Matt McCusker?

  You're gonna jump for fucking seventeen foot or something?

• 51:13Speaker 00

  I'm gonna say The View didn't really like my fucking monologue. I'm gonna kill myself.

• 51:18Matt McCusker?

  That's like saying a fucking tape measure experiences distance, bro. Come on.

• 51:22Speaker 00

  Exactly right.

• 51:22Matt McCusker?

  Come on, man.

• 51:23Speaker 03

  But who experiences distance more than a tape measure?

• 51:26Matt McCusker?

  Human beings, bro.

• 51:27Speaker 03

  How?

• 51:27Matt McCusker?

  By walking through it and experiencing it.

• 51:30Speaker 00

  Decision what distance is.

• 51:32Matt McCusker?

  Exactly, bro.

• 51:33Speaker 00

  Tape measure is nothing. It's literally however we decipher distance is distance.

• 51:37Speaker 03

  But it's a tape, the tape measure is literally a measure of distance.

• 51:40Matt McCusker?

  Yes, bro. It's a reference point.

• 51:43Speaker 00

  For us.

• 51:43Matt McCusker?

  Don't experience it for the reference, sir.

• 51:46Speaker 00

  Oh, man. Matt, Matt, you got me fired up, dude. I love what you're saying.

• 51:51Matt McCusker?

  Thank you, man.

• 51:52Speaker 00

  I gotta be honest, I felt so good about that mirror comment.

• 51:56Matt McCusker?

  Thank you, man.

• 51:57Speaker 00

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• 52:56Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 52:58Matt McCusker?

  Don't, don't, don't deny your own divine status to a fucking computer, man. That's pathetic, bro.

• 53:03Speaker 03

  I'm, I'm not.

• 53:04Matt McCusker?

  What, what would, what would, what would the leaders of the church say about you being like, oh, that actually knows what's?

• 53:09Speaker 00

  Matt, do not bring up God.

• 53:11Matt McCusker?

  What would Shane Augustine say about that, dude?

• 53:14Speaker 03

  I don't, I don't believe in Catholic believings, but Christian guys.

• 53:18Speaker 00

  Here's what I will tell you. Ask Rock. You're doomed. You will serve Satan.

• 53:25Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, for real, bro.

• 53:26Speaker 00

  How dare you deny Christ?

• 53:27Speaker 03

  I'm a non-denominational Christian. I don't believe in Catholicism.

• 53:30Speaker 00

  You might as well fucking march.

• 53:34Speaker 03

  I go to white acoustic guitar church.

• 53:36Speaker 00

  You go to unitarian bullshit.

• 53:38Speaker 03

  Yo, no, no, no.

• 53:39Speaker 00

  You go to trans flag church. And know that, you know, whatever, that's fine.

• 53:44Speaker 00

  But I'm saying, there are trans flags churches out there. And that's fine with that, that's fine.

• 53:49Speaker 01

  I will say that I kind of fuck with mega, I fuck with mega church. Mega church is sick. Everyone hates mega church.

• 53:57Speaker 00

  Matt.

• 53:58Speaker 01

  Bro, imagine church but mega.

• 54:00Speaker 00

  Matt.

• 54:02Speaker 00

  On pa- on, on paper, I hear what you're saying.

• 54:06Speaker 00

  Imagine if church was more mega, which is

• 54:10Speaker 00

  for real what they were saying in a, a 1,200 building cathedrals. Going, dude, imagine if this church was fucking mega. Build the sickest building anyone's ever seen.

• 54:23Speaker 01

  And jam.

• 54:24Speaker 00

  And jam.

• 54:25Speaker 03

  Dude, when Michelangelo built the 16th chapel.

• 54:28Speaker 01

  Yo, stop the Michelangelo, bro.

• 54:30Speaker 00

  Do you ask Grok how to pronounce that, you bitch?

• 54:34Speaker 00

  Shut up about AI, dude. Don't even know words.

• 54:38Speaker 01

  I will say this, hold on, I will say this. If you ask the Desert Fathers, they did have a prophecy saying like, look, what we're doing in the fourth century is sick. We're walking away from the Roman Empire. But people in the future are going to deal with a society just like way more decadent, way more corrupt. And the people who turn from that will be the true Desert Fathers. And they will be the most spiritually enriched people, way more than we could ever dream to be. That's a prophecy from the Desert Fathers, bro.

• 55:05Speaker 00

  I'd like to go back in time and punch the desert.

• 55:12Speaker 00

  I would like to, if I build, a lot of people are like, if I had a time machine, I would kill Hitler. Not me. I would land in the Desert Fathers tent and go, I'm from the future, dude. You guys are fucking being gay as shit.

• 55:30Speaker 00

  Beat their fucking, wear them the fuck out.

• 55:36Speaker 00

  Start raining out of nowhere. Just exploding through a tent wall going, "I'm in the future."

• 55:47Speaker 00

  "I drank 10 grams of creatine today."

• 55:51Speaker 00

  "I got shitfaced in Beverly Hills."

• 55:55Speaker 00

  "You fucking dumbasses."

• 55:56Speaker 01

  "You have no idea what I'm dealing with."

• 56:02Speaker 00

  "I fucking hosted the ESPYS last night."

• 56:08Speaker 01

  "It's a sports show for..."

• 56:09Speaker 00

  "Hello."

• 56:12Speaker 00

  "The Desert Fathers would have no fucking clue what it is."

• 56:14Speaker 01

  "No concept."

• 56:16Speaker 00

  "Nah, they can shut the fuck up. Desert Fathers can shut the fuck up."

• 56:19Speaker 01

  "No, dude."

• 56:19Speaker 00

  "There's only one, dude. It's Christ."

• 56:21Speaker 01

  "True, for real."

• 56:23Speaker 00

  "Can't listen to these fools."

• 56:23Speaker 01

  "Desert Fathers would agree with you. They would say, 'We're pale in comparison.'"

• 56:26Speaker 00

  "Yeah, but they have no idea what's coming."

• 56:29Speaker 01

  "They didn't. That's why that guy said, in all his wisdom, he goes..."

• 56:31Speaker 00

  "And go, 'Dude, Hershey Park is gonna have the great bear.'"

• 56:37Speaker 01

  "The Desert Father would, the Desert Father would take your punch and he'd go, 'You're right.'"

• 56:42Speaker 01

  "He'd go, 'Fuck, dude.'" "St. Anthony, bro." "Desert Father."

• 56:46Speaker 00

  "Was he?"

• 56:47Speaker 01

  "I'm pretty sure."

• 56:48Speaker 00

  "That's pretty sick."

• 56:48Speaker 01

  "Yeah, that's pretty fucking sick. But, your point does..."

• 56:50Speaker 00

  "Obviously, the Desert Fathers rock. I take it back."

• 56:53Speaker 01

  "They literally, dude, in the 4th century, they were like, they sat in the desert and they went, "'This shit's gonna get so much crazier, dude.'" "Hats off to the guys."

• 57:02Speaker 00

  "Nah, that's fucked up."

• 57:02Speaker 01

  "9 million years from now."

• 57:04Speaker 00

  "Yeah, I don't..."

• 57:05Speaker 01

  "We gotta deal with OnlyFans."

• 57:06Speaker 00

  "Personally, I think that's a waste of, uh, life."

• 57:10Speaker 01

  "It is, to, to, to pull yourself away."

• 57:13Speaker 00

  "Not completely, but to pull yourself away and concern yourself with a possible future."

• 57:21Speaker 00

  That seems like a waste of uh.

• 57:23Speaker 01

  It's fair.

• 57:24Speaker 00

  What Christ the King was giving us.

• 57:27Speaker 01

  Jesus Christ was completely embroiled in the current, yeah, standard of his time. Unlike the Buddhists who detach.

• 57:34Speaker 00

  Detach.

• 57:34Speaker 01

  Christ didn't detach. He fully went into. That's my whole thing east first west.

• 57:39Speaker 03

  I disagree, Matt. I think Christ was more of a futurist. He was more protecting the people.

• 57:43Speaker 01

  You're agreeing with me. What are you talking about? Christ, instead of detaching from society, went head on into it and they fucking killed him.

• 57:50Speaker 00

  By the way, this is exactly what everyone else heard when fucking uh Hunter Biden was in one of these hotel rooms.

• 57:58Speaker 01

  You're agreeing with me. The desert fathers were right. Christ the King was coming in.

• 58:04Speaker 00

  We should smoke crack. We should get some crack, dude. I'm telling you, Hollywood changed the squad. Fuck LA.

• 58:12Speaker 01

  Maybe we did smoke crack. Who knows?

• 58:14Speaker 00

  With this squad, it's not built for LA. We gotta get the fuck out of here.

• 58:17Speaker 01

  Maybe gay.

• 58:19Speaker 00

  Nate, I've never seen you wear short shorts, bro.

• 58:22Speaker 01

  That's what happened. We went to LA, Nate's gay and we're smoking crack.

• 58:25Speaker 00

  These might be the shortest shorts I've ever worn in my whole life. Disgusting. You fucking fat ass hanging out the back of it, dude. They were free shorts. They gave you free shorts and I didn't know how to act.

• 58:36Speaker 01

  Who gave you those short shorts?

• 58:38Speaker 00

  Yo, you can see Nate's ass from the front.

• 58:43Speaker 01

  Nate the Stallion. Nate, let me see your thigh gap, bro.

• 58:47Speaker 00

  The fucking craw daddy Nate the Stallion.

• 58:52Speaker 00

  Bro, you just floated with your fat ass in front of everyone all day at the pool. It was saltwater. It had nothing to do with the water, bro.

• 59:00Speaker 01

  This boy, Nate, I'll be honest, I'm surprised you made it out of the ESPYS Live, bro.

• 59:04Speaker 00

  Honestly, I saw Lamar Jackson licking his lips.

• 59:12Speaker 00

  Russell Wilson was about to leave Sierra when he saw your fucking thick ass walk down the red carpet.

• 59:21Speaker 01

  We gotta get out of here.

• 59:24Speaker 00

  We're gonna leave. We're going back to God's country tomorrow.

• 59:26Speaker 01

  We gotta go early.

• 59:29Speaker 00

  This place is full of sin.

• 59:31Speaker 01

  We're back in Texas, man.

• 59:33Speaker 00

  We gotta get back to Texas where everyone's straight as hell and not shirtless constantly. Texas is gay as well. Texas is, Texas is, Texas is gayer than LA. I'll say it.

• 59:44Speaker 01

  Texas is? It's fair. That's fair. Wait, why?

• 59:46Speaker 00

  I'm sure not the rest of the state.

• 59:47Speaker 01

  A lot of guys showing off.

• 59:48Speaker 00

  Austin is, Austin is a gayer version of.

• 59:51Speaker 01

  There is equally as many shirtless guys in Austin as there is down.

• 59:54Speaker 00

  I haven't seen one shirtless guy here.

• 59:55Speaker 01

  I've seen a couple.

• 59:56Speaker 00

  I'm sure you've seen a bunch.

• 59:57Speaker 01

  Nate's looking for him. Nate's looking for him. I'm not looking for him. We've been walking.

• 1:00:01Speaker 00

  You went down. I know where you went.

• 1:00:03Speaker 01

  I haven't, I haven't left. Nate was dancing in the Pink Pony Club. I was not. I was not.

• 1:00:11Speaker 00

  Nate, you had it all back.

• 1:00:13Speaker 01

  About West Hollywood. I left reading PA.

• 1:00:17Speaker 00

  We talked about it last time. Last time I was here, I got a haircut here in West Hollywood. And those fellows put their dong on me.

• 1:00:25Speaker 01

  I got fully molested.

• 1:00:26Speaker 00

  Bro, I, the guy stood between me and the mirror and lifted my chin up.

• 1:00:33Speaker 00

  What the fuck? I mean, the guy was a great guy and we had a nice time. You know, I felt like we had a connection.

• 1:00:38Speaker 01

  Can I be hon, can I be, can I?

• 1:00:40Speaker 00

  I left there.

• 1:00:40Speaker 01

  If I had said that, I'd have been doomed. Can I share, can I share right now? Recently, so I, my wife, before the SB, she was like in like, you know, panic mode, getting everything done, nails, all that stuff. She goes, like, she goes, can you bring, can you bring Mai and Chloe to the nail salon with me? I said, for sure. I brought them there. I'll be honest, I'm gonna share. I got a, I got a fucking pedicure while I was there. Bro, my feet, I, I tried to tell my wife, my feet are so erogenous.

• 1:01:06Speaker 00

  Brother, pedicure, that's nice.

• 1:01:09Speaker 01

  They're nice, bro. Bro, they, my feet, for real, are my dick. Their lady was like fucking fully stroking my feet and I was sitting there in front of my whole family going.

• 1:01:21Speaker 00

  You're Freud. By the way, you're Freud. You are Freud.

• 1:01:24Speaker 01

  I'm not Freud. I'm young. Hold on, hold on. I'm young. I'm young.

• 1:01:26Speaker 00

  No, I'm more of a younger, I'm young.

• 1:01:28Speaker 01

  You're Freud. I'm young.

• 1:01:29Speaker 00

  I'm, you're Freud.

• 1:01:31Speaker 01

  You're Freud. What do you think controls people? Instinct or?

• 1:01:34Speaker 00

  Hold on, not sexual instinct.

• 1:01:36Speaker 01

  What other instinct?

• 1:01:37Speaker 00

  Just instinct.

• 1:01:40Speaker 01

  Towards vile? Like what is, what else is there? I'm Freud, no, sorry, I'm Jung.

• 1:01:46Speaker 00

  You're Freud.

• 1:01:47Speaker 01

  No, no.

• 1:01:47Speaker 00

  That's a Freudian slip.

• 1:01:48Speaker 01

  No, no.

• 1:01:52Speaker 00

  Bro, I can go get a fucking pedicure and I go, oh, my dick is my feet.

• 1:01:58Speaker 01

  I can't, bro, I, I literally cannot.

• 1:02:00Speaker 00

  Now, you ascribe, you ascribe pleasure to sexual pleasure instantly, very Freudian.

• 1:02:05Speaker 01

  What? My feet are erotic, I can't help it the way I was built.

• 1:02:09Speaker 00

  It felt nice, the way the woman was shaving your feet.

• 1:02:13Speaker 01

  Too nice, bro.

• 1:02:14Speaker 00

  You instantly equated it to your penis getting stripped. Very Freudian.

• 1:02:20Speaker 01

  Dude, it literally is, my feet are so erotic, I told my wife, I said-

• 1:02:23Speaker 00

  Fuck Jung, fuck Freud.

• 1:02:24Speaker 01

  Jung?

• 1:02:25Speaker 00

  Fuck Jung, dude, Jung, Jung shows up, I'm gonna fucking toss his ass.

• 1:02:31Speaker 00

  Toss his fucking bitch ass over this balcony.

• 1:02:35Speaker 00

  Fuck Jung.

• 1:02:35Speaker 01

  You would launch Freud and throw Jung?

• 1:02:37Speaker 00

  I would launch Freud, dude, Freud by a mile.

• 1:02:42Speaker 01

  Freud, Freud is troublesome.

• 1:02:45Speaker 00

  Freud needs to get splatted. Freud needs to get splatted on college game day. On college game day. Splat his ass and then have everyone go, oh, I'm ready for the big football game. Who gives a fuck about what you're talking about, you dumb bitch? You guys are having full rabbit season, duck season right now.

• 1:03:05Speaker 01

  Huh?

• 1:03:06Speaker 00

  You know the Looney Tunes, rabbit season, duck season, rabbit season, duck season. He's Freud.

• 1:03:11Speaker 01

  I'm not Freud.

• 1:03:12Speaker 00

  You're duck season.

• 1:03:13Speaker 01

  I'm Jung, I'm Jung, maybe Adler, that's-

• 1:03:16Speaker 00

  Adler can get it too, bro. It's on sight with Adler, Adler, you bitch.

• 1:03:26Speaker 00

  No, I for real don't like any psychologist bullshit.

• 1:03:30Speaker 01

  That's fair.

• 1:03:31Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:03:31Speaker 01

  Honestly, that's fair, psychology as a science is up for question.

• 1:03:35Speaker 00

  Yeah, I, I get, like-

• 1:03:37Speaker 01

  How do you feel about CBT?

• 1:03:39Speaker 00

  What's that?

• 1:03:40Speaker 01

  Uh, they're the guys that are like, if you have troublesome thoughts, write them down in the journal and be like, why do I think this?

• 1:03:46Speaker 00

  I-

• 1:03:46Speaker 01

  It's behavioral, Skinner, the behavioralist.

• 1:03:48Speaker 00

  I literally couldn't disagree more. If you write down your troublesome thoughts, if I catch you writing down your troublesome thoughts, that's a fucking huge problem.

• 1:03:57Speaker 01

  So you got beef with Skinner?

• 1:03:59Speaker 00

  Skinner can get it. Who are these, who are these fucking weird freaks?

• 1:04:05Speaker 01

  What about Maslow? Peak experiences. Human beings.

• 1:04:08Speaker 00

  I do like peak experiences.

• 1:04:09Speaker 01

  Alright, here we go. You're, you might be a Maslonian.

• 1:04:11Speaker 00

  Yeah, but.

• 1:04:12Speaker 01

  Maslow rules.

• 1:04:13Speaker 00

  Think of our modern day, these guys.

• 1:04:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:16Speaker 00

  They're all gay.

• 1:04:18Speaker 03

  That's the guy with the dogs, right?

• 1:04:19Speaker 00

  No. That's Pavlov.

• 1:04:20Speaker 01

  Skinner has dogs. No, Pavlov, Pavlov has dogs. But Skinner was a continuation of Pavlov. That was a parallel process.

• 1:04:28Speaker 00

  Which was, what a, what an incredible experience, you know.

• 1:04:32Speaker 01

  Did he torture dogs?

• 1:04:33Speaker 00

  Yeah, he tricked dogs.

• 1:04:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:36Speaker 00

  Great.

• 1:04:36Speaker 01

  I was jerking off dogs for seven years, it turns out. No, they were, they were like.

• 1:04:41Speaker 00

  They get horny before I ring a bell. You go, yeah, no shit, you fucking dumbass. I don't like any of these people. These are literally all Neil deGrasse Tysons from back then. They go, you know who the smartest guy is? Neil deGrasse Tyson. You go, what's he say? He goes, yeah, he says everyone wants to fuck their mom.

• 1:04:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, that was bullshit. That was bullshit. Although.

• 1:05:01Speaker 00

  It is funny. It's such a, it's such a hard one to fight against.

• 1:05:05Speaker 01

  No, I don't.

• 1:05:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, that is bullshit. Everybody hates that one.

• 1:05:10Speaker 01

  Yo, shut the fuck up, dude.

• 1:05:11Speaker 03

  Then you go to a pool today and see a kid actually trying to fuck his mom.

• 1:05:15Speaker 00

  That was the argument today. Was obviously, a couple fucking freak bulls.

• 1:05:21Speaker 01

  It was. It was freak bulls.

• 1:05:23Speaker 00

  Also, it's not his fault.

• 1:05:25Speaker 01

  It's not. You're right. It's not the boy's fault.

• 1:05:28Speaker 00

  The boy was being.

• 1:05:28Speaker 01

  The boy doesn't know.

• 1:05:29Speaker 00

  The boy was being molested by a fake titted mom. On a scale of one to 10, what was his mom?

• 1:05:35Speaker 01

  With upgrades, I would say at least an eight. Seven, seven, eight, seven and a half, eight. Dude, having a mom with upgrades, first of all, is fucked up. That's.

• 1:05:45Speaker 00

  Upgraded moms crazy.

• 1:05:47Speaker 01

  I've been, I've been, I've been preaching against like, just fake women. It's like, dude, stop, like, you gotta stop. Women are literally every single aspect of their entire physical being they're fucking with and messing with. It's like, yo, just be an old lady. Like, relax.

• 1:06:02Speaker 03

  Yeah. Now you sound like the black church, dude. That's what black churches are against.

• 1:06:06Speaker 00

  At our court, we are all the black church.

• 1:06:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, like, yeah, how about you don't get giant tits? Let's just sing.

• 1:06:13Speaker 00

  Hello. What else is going on?

• 1:06:17Speaker 01

  Jeffrey Epstein. Huge fault line in the Republican Party. Jeffrey Epstein.

• 1:06:24Speaker 00

  Well. Shout out to the Republicans for, or the Democrats for hitting the reverse, reverse.

• 1:06:30Speaker 01

  It's true. They got the reverse Uno card.

• 1:06:33Speaker 00

  They hit the reverse Uno, they go, actually, your problem, and we support it now.

• 1:06:40Speaker 01

  True.

• 1:06:40Speaker 00

  Yeah, the real one's staying true to, can we at least figure out what happened?

• 1:06:44Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah, that's, again, the first of all is like, he pretty much got busted by the United States Court for molesting young girls in a way. Commercial, like, commercializing them.

• 1:06:56Speaker 00

  Enough that the cops in Florida were going, obviously he was intelligence, because they dropped the case.

• 1:07:00Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:07:01Speaker 00

  They brought it to a grand jury, they rigged it.

• 1:07:03Speaker 01

  Sealed it.

• 1:07:04Speaker 00

  Come on now.

• 1:07:04Speaker 01

  Sealed the records, which should be illegal. If you're molesting young girls, no matter what, they should go, yeah, here's all the young girls, and they go, alright, man, let's throw that guy in a fucking tar pit and get rid of him.

• 1:07:14Speaker 00

  If you're molesting a young girl, they should go bust that thing wide open.

• 1:07:18Speaker 01

  That's what I'm saying.

• 1:07:19Speaker 03

  The case.

• 1:07:20Speaker 00

  God damn.

• 1:07:21Speaker 01

  No, I'm with you, man.

• 1:07:24Speaker 00

  We don't laugh after.

• 1:07:27Speaker 01

  It's crazy, he literally got caught, and then a bunch of dudes chilled with him. A bunch of dudes chilled with him, imagine, Nate, I'm not gonna lie, if you got caught being a motherfucking black pedophile.

• 1:07:38Speaker 00

  Yeah. Fucking, fuck.

• 1:07:39Speaker 01

  I wouldn't chill in your New York apartment, I wouldn't be like, yo, what's going on, how's everything going, after you got caught literally molesting women, and the court sealed the document.

• 1:07:49Speaker 01

  I, I, I'm, I'm sorry, I love you, but I'd have to be like, yo, Nate, we can't chill anymore, that's fucked up. The entire country hid your trouble.

• 1:07:57Speaker 00

  And it would be, it would be hard, too, you'd be like, yo, bro.

• 1:08:00Speaker 01

  We had good times.

• 1:08:01Speaker 00

  I know, we're boys.

• 1:08:03Speaker 01

  But you gotta, you gotta, you gotta splat me.

• 1:08:06Speaker 00

  You gotta throw me out this balcony.

• 1:08:07Speaker 01

  You're going, bro.

• 1:08:08Speaker 00

  Gotta go full splat.

• 1:08:09Speaker 01

  It's Sing 2, we're the wolf from Sing 2, we're gonna throw you off the motherfucking balcony. Say, Buster Moon, your ass is fucking done, you made a fool of me. Sing 2 is so good, by the way. Shout out to Matthew McConaughey for fucking, he voiced the koala.

• 1:08:23Speaker 00

  Shout out to, shout out to McConaughey.

• 1:08:24Speaker 01

  Obviously, bro.

• 1:08:26Speaker 00

  One of, one of the dogs.

• 1:08:29Speaker 01

  I will say, it's crazy, the entire government was like, alright, we know you literally trafficked little girls, it's on record, you're busted, you're done. We're gonna make it so nobody can see exactly what you did. That's all the American people are saying, like, yo, if you're in a position of power and you fuck little girls, can we at least cut your fucking head off in front of everybody?

• 1:08:50Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:08:51Speaker 01

  And like not protecting that is literally a sign of

• 1:08:54Speaker 00

  Don't you dare.

• 1:08:55Speaker 01

  That's a fair question. Yes. That's a fair question.

• 1:08:59Speaker 00

  You fucking preface that with.

• 1:09:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, you pluck, you fucking fluff your feathers up.

• 1:09:03Speaker 00

  You preface that like, like you're about to say, but.

• 1:09:05Speaker 01

  No, I'm on you guys' team. I was like, yeah, that's right. I was encouraged. That's not a crazy question to ask the society. If you prey upon little girls.

• 1:09:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, we should obliterate you. We should obliterate you.

• 1:09:17Speaker 00

  If you, if you're gonna cut anyone's head off.

• 1:09:19Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 1:09:20Speaker 00

  Number one.

• 1:09:22Speaker 01

  Not fucking protect you and then let you do your thing for a couple more years and after you do your thing go.

• 1:09:27Speaker 00

  Church, hold on.

• 1:09:29Speaker 01

  Go ahead, go ahead.

• 1:09:30Speaker 00

  Catholic Church does what it has to do. We're talking government. We're talking government now. All right. Separation of church and state.

• 1:09:38Speaker 01

  Obviously.

• 1:09:39Speaker 00

  Also in my beliefs.

• 1:09:43Speaker 00

  All right.

• 1:09:44Speaker 01

  But to act like you're crazy for even begging the question.

• 1:09:50Speaker 01

  And to be fair, it goes, well, they don't have a fucking list of every guy who did that. It's like.

• 1:09:55Speaker 00

  Sure enough, they do. No, no, no, they do.

• 1:09:58Speaker 01

  They do. They said they did.

• 1:09:59Speaker 00

  I've been on enough private planes now to know this. They write it down. It's fucking annoying. You get on the plane, they go, we have to see everybody's ID and then they write it down.

• 1:10:12Speaker 01

  You're right.

• 1:10:13Speaker 00

  Every single time.

• 1:10:14Speaker 01

  It is funny though. You could bring whatever you want onto that plane. They're like, we're gonna take a record of the fact you flew here.

• 1:10:19Speaker 00

  You can bring anything, but.

• 1:10:21Speaker 01

  By the way, if you wanna smuggle drugs, uh, spring, spring for the private plane.

• 1:10:28Speaker 00

  I can't believe, I can't believe how easy it is.

• 1:10:31Speaker 01

  It's.

• 1:10:32Speaker 00

  Not that I'm doing that, but I'm saying.

• 1:10:34Speaker 01

  Exactly not, but I wish, I wish I knew 20, 15 years ago.

• 1:10:37Speaker 00

  So easily, just get a private plane. You can get a duffel bag filled with kilos.

• 1:10:43Speaker 01

  No problem.

• 1:10:44Speaker 00

  And put it on the plane. They never check your bags.

• 1:10:46Speaker 01

  Or, or.

• 1:10:47Speaker 00

  They write your name down.

• 1:10:48Speaker 01

  Let's step it up. Or you could fly and be like, I'm with my 15, 12 year old girls on the plane.

• 1:10:53Speaker 00

  They can go, yeah, these kids, yeah, they're fucking.

• 1:10:55Speaker 01

  Hello.

• 1:10:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's just for me and Bill Clinton and fucking Stephen Hawking. We're chilling.

• 1:11:05Speaker 01

  It is funny like you'd have to fly through TSA, they scan you for bombs and water. Literally, if you carry your children's water, they're like, the fuck is this?

• 1:11:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, what are you?

• 1:11:15Speaker 01

  You just pay a little bit more, they're like, you have a volleyball team? Yeah, go ahead, man, you're fine.

• 1:11:20Speaker 00

  Yeah, go ahead, fellas.

• 1:11:21Speaker 01

  You're flying to the Virgin Islands?

• 1:11:23Speaker 00

  Hey, have fun.

• 1:11:25Speaker 01

  You paid, you paid $10,000? Yeah, whatever, man, if you want to fly with a bunch of little girls, a bunch of models you tricked at the mall, told them you were beautiful.

• 1:11:34Speaker 00

  No problem.

• 1:11:35Speaker 01

  Who will read a question that?

• 1:11:36Speaker 00

  And then we're gonna write your-

• 1:11:37Speaker 01

  Adam Smith would quake in his, he would roll in his grave if we questioned you.

• 1:11:40Speaker 00

  True, it was capitalism. Capitalism 101 at this point. Also, we're gonna write all you guys' names down.

• 1:11:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, oh, we will, we'll take your ID.

• 1:11:48Speaker 00

  Okay. Yeah, true, maybe they got rid of those records.

• 1:11:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, they definitely-

• 1:11:54Speaker 00

  If I was on that flight, I would go, what?

• 1:11:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:11:56Speaker 00

  They go, yeah, the pilot's taking everybody's ID and he's writing our names, you go.

• 1:11:59Speaker 01

  It, yeah, it's weird to think if you're so rich, if you're so rich-

• 1:12:03Speaker 00

  We're gonna want that book.

• 1:12:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, and you're just a gazillionaire being like, well, I guess I gotta give it to you then, yeah, there's a fair point.

• 1:12:09Speaker 00

  I do have to follow one rule. When I'm on my pedophile trip.

• 1:12:16Speaker 01

  You got me. You got me, I did fill in a black book being like, yeah, I'm here.

• 1:12:20Speaker 00

  The old ID during the pedophile vacation. Yeah, true, maybe there is no fucking book.

• 1:12:28Speaker 01

  Yeah. However.

• 1:12:32Speaker 01

  However, it's crazy to go, yo, guys, get over it. Guys, we got bigger fish to fry than a guy who fucking, literally like probably ate 12-year-old girls on a fucking island.

• 1:12:44Speaker 00

  We gotta get our jobs back, guys, quit worrying about people fucking kids. Hold on. We gotta get our jobs back.

• 1:12:50Speaker 01

  You got your jobs back.

• 1:12:51Speaker 00

  That is actually more important, but.

• 1:12:57Speaker 00

  We can kill two birds with one stone. At the same time, we can go, we should probably figure out what happened.

• 1:13:03Speaker 01

  They promised the list. You can't promise the list and go, guys, what are you worried all this list we promised you guys?

• 1:13:09Speaker 00

  I know. It's also so funny how clearly they got the list and went, guys, who even cares? Like, they, obviously, the whole time leading up to it, we're like, fuck that, we're gonna get that fucking list. And then one day, they were like, what are we even talking about?

• 1:13:27Speaker 01

  Also, you get the list and you go, me? Seven times?

• 1:13:31Speaker 00

  Me again? Son of a bitch.

• 1:13:34Speaker 01

  I will say, when I was in-

• 1:13:36Speaker 00

  Bro, that could have happened to anybody. Not on an Epstein list, but when it comes to like, I didn't do that.

• 1:13:41Speaker 01

  Dude, when I- To be fair, to be fair, when I was in grade school-

• 1:13:45Speaker 00

  I did that. Son of a bitch. I've said that so many times. Everything bad that's ever happened to me, I've gone, I didn't do that. With actual conviction. Dude, when I got canceled for messing up, agent called me and was like, did you say that? And I was like, no. I would never say that.

• 1:14:03Speaker 01

  Like, we have a video. It's like, well, fucking delete it.

• 1:14:06Speaker 00

  Literally a video of me going-

• 1:14:06Speaker 01

  Well, fucking delete it, you dumbass.

• 1:14:10Speaker 00

  I was like, well, I was like, well, dude, that's not even in my vocabulary. I don't say that word. So that's not true. Video, I go.

• 1:14:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, they go, well, we could use our power to delete it. It's like, oh, yeah, if you want to, go ahead, obviously.

• 1:14:25Speaker 00

  They sent me the video. I said, guys, there's floods in Texas. What are you guys even talking about?

• 1:14:34Speaker 01

  We have you in a small Philadelphia apartment. You're like, can you delete that? Like, yeah, for sure.

• 1:14:40Speaker 00

  You please destroy that?

• 1:14:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's, that's fucking crazy. It's absolutely crazy.

• 1:14:47Speaker 00

  We're good on time. Hold on. I gotta whiz. Let's keep going.

• 1:14:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, let's whiz. Let's keep cooking. I gotta pee too. Maybe a game of swords.

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