Bert Kreischer & You May Say It’s Disturbing

Bert Kreischer makes his 6th appearance and Bobby sings a song. Visit www.bluechew.com https://www.bluechew.com or more details and important safety information, and we thank BlueChew for sponsoring the podcast. Ladies and Gentlemen, legendary comedy icon, Bill Burr is now streaming on Hulu with his new Hularious stand-up special, Bill Burr: Drop Dead Years. Head to www.turtlebeach.com https://www.turtlebeach.com and use code [BELLY] for 10% off your entire order. That’s 10% off your order at www.turtlebeach.com https://www.turtlebeach.com with promo code [BELLY]. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:59Speaker 01

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• 1:59Bobby Lee?

  No!

• 2:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:01Bobby Lee?

  What's happening? No, no, you can't lose on this.

• 2:04Speaker 03

  I know, I know.

• 2:05Bobby Lee?

  What, you got a better job?

• 2:06Speaker 03

  Uh, I, no, I, I said to him, I was like, listen, we're starting a sitcom, we just started production today.

• 2:12Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 2:13Speaker 03

  And I was, I said to everyone, I was like, yo, if you guys want to take this as an opportunity to grow, you should.

• 2:17Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 2:18Speaker 03

  And he was like, I'm gonna take you up on that. So I was like, cool, it's, it's ripe for him, dude.

• 2:23Bobby Lee?

  And what does he wanna do? Produce it?

• 2:25Speaker 03

  I think he just wants to get into production and making, making television and making movies.

• 2:28Bobby Lee?

  Is he working with you on this sitcom?

• 2:30Speaker 03

  I don't know, I, I sent him up with my buddy, Tony. I said, you guys should have a conversation and just see what's out there. It's like, dude, no one wants to be someone's assistant their whole life.

• 2:39Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I think it's a good job.

• 2:40Speaker 03

  I mean, look at these guys, they're going nowhere.

• 2:43Bobby Lee?

  I know, I, I know, I know.

• 2:45Speaker 03

  I mean, what happens, okay, ready, for real though, what happens? Like, say Bobby dies.

• 2:51Bobby Lee?

  I mean, I work for you. We, we go build up your studio.

• 2:58Bobby Lee?

  We build your empire. Yeah, yeah. I mean, these are good guys, but, um, I think that, um... Thanks, man.

• 3:06Bobby Lee?

  Ten, Gilbert already wants to leave. Only to work for Bert. Yeah, yeah, all right, and then, um, I think George still has, oh, but if I'm dead, no Bad Friends. That's a tough one. That's a tough one.

• 3:15Speaker 03

  You know what we should do?

• 3:16Bobby Lee?

  What?

• 3:16Speaker 03

  We should join forces, never mind.

• 3:19Bobby Lee?

  Asian accents on it. Yeah, what's going on, what's going on?

• 3:21Speaker 03

  We should join voices, we should join forces.

• 3:24Bobby Lee?

  It's okay, Sid.

• 3:25Speaker 03

  I've had so much coffee today.

• 3:27Bobby Lee?

  Okay, we'll give you another shot here.

• 3:28Speaker 03

  We should join forces.

• 3:31Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, very good.

• 3:32Speaker 03

  And do like an epic podcast production house.

• 3:35Bobby Lee?

  Dude, we...

• 3:36Speaker 03

  Mash up Birdie Boy, mash up Tiger Bell.

• 3:38Bobby Lee?

  Well, yeah, we should.

• 3:41Bobby Lee?

  We should, Bert. Wow, wonderful.

• 3:44Speaker 03

  No, it's like, uh, it's like, what if we, we just made the dream team? Do you guys produce Bad Friends also? Why don't we just bring you into the loop over at your mom's house?

• 3:54Bobby Lee?

  We were already, Bad Friends is at your mom's house.

• 3:56Speaker 03

  Oh, what about Tiger Belly?

• 3:57Bobby Lee?

  Advertisement.

• 3:58Speaker 03

  What about Tiger Belly?

• 3:58Bobby Lee?

  They won't have us. Would they? We're at a three-letter company still. We're at ATC.

• 4:03Speaker 03

  Oh, for real?

• 4:03Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 4:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's great.

• 4:04Bobby Lee?

  But, um, that would be my ultimate dream is that, you know, I mean, us, our ecosystem create like this company. You know, I think Alan at, um, YMH is great.

• 4:15Speaker 03

  He's great, he's awesome.

• 4:16Bobby Lee?

  He's a fucking hungry man.

• 4:17Speaker 03

  He's awesome. Here's the, I don't want the, I don't want the lift Tom doesn't mind. Like Tom doesn't mind dealing with comics and like being everyone's boss. Cause I just think about me.

• 4:29Speaker 03

  Like I do, I go, I, how does this benefit me? How does this benefit Bert?

• 4:33Bobby Lee?

  No, no, no, no.

• 4:34Speaker 03

  Listen, I'm so tired of Instagram with these meta diagnoses on psychological.

• 4:39Bobby Lee?

  Oh, I hate, yeah, they tell me what I have.

• 4:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, you're a narcissist.

• 4:43Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, narcissist.

• 4:43Speaker 03

  Narcissist, and I'm not a narcissist because I walk in front of everybody. I have longer legs than I.

• 4:48Bobby Lee?

  Exactly, exactly.

• 4:49Speaker 03

  Okay?

• 4:49Bobby Lee?

  I'm not a narcissist because I like to watch people suffer.

• 4:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 4:53Bobby Lee?

  I am not a narcissist.

• 4:55Speaker 03

  I'm not a narcissist because I don't recognize it and I think it's actually their fault. I'm not a narcissist.

• 4:58Bobby Lee?

  Exactly. I don't even do the ghost, what is it, not the ghost, um, smoke screen, no, not smoke screen, um, what's, what's the thing? What, gaslighting? Smoke screening?

• 5:07Speaker 03

  Smoke screening.

• 5:08Bobby Lee?

  I don't do smokes.

• 5:08Speaker 03

  I don't smoke screen, I gaslight you.

• 5:10Bobby Lee?

  I gaslight you, right? So, I don't, yeah, what are you, a clinical psychologist? What's going on on the internet?

• 5:15Speaker 03

  I'm so tired of it. It's like the internet, I'm so, I'll tell you what I'm really tired of.

• 5:20Bobby Lee?

  I'm gonna back you 100%.

• 5:21Speaker 03

  Your phone listens to your conversations. I don't know if everyone gets this. Do you get signs your liver is failing?

• 5:29Bobby Lee?

  I think that's.

• 5:29Speaker 03

  It's my phone. My phone is like, god damn it, he drinks a lot. He's having another one? He's ordering another one?

• 5:36Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 5:36Speaker 03

  There's a, there's a, a principal in Florida who's got the DTs.

• 5:40Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 5:41Speaker 03

  He's, he's got cirrhosis of the liver and his hands shake.

• 5:43Bobby Lee?

  Oh, you might also have Michael J. Fox syndrome. Okay.

• 5:46Speaker 03

  I'll tell you right now.

• 5:47Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 5:47Speaker 03

  I, I mean.

• 5:48Bobby Lee?

  You met him?

• 5:49Speaker 03

  No. Michael J. Fox, I was like, he, there's a lot of things he can't do that no one thinks about he can't do.

• 5:55Bobby Lee?

  Oh, let me think, let me hear.

• 5:56Speaker 03

  I mean chopsticks.

• 5:58Bobby Lee?

  Wait, wait, what's chopsticks?

• 5:59Speaker 03

  He couldn't, Michael J. Fox. Can't use chopsticks.

• 6:02Bobby Lee?

  Oh, that's right. I never thought about that.

• 6:04Speaker 03

  He goes to an Asian restaurant and they're like, he's like, can I get a fork? And they're like, for real, sir? And he's like, Was that your accent? My accents are bad. Sir, it does so not what you're supposed to do. What is that? How about, how about Chabas?

• 6:22Speaker 03

  I'm bad at accents.

• 6:22Bobby Lee?

  Oh, I have another thing that he can't do. You know, the arcades, that dance, dance machine?

• 6:27Speaker 03

  DDR?

• 6:27Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, DDR, yeah. Is that what it's called?

• 6:29Speaker 03

  Dance Dance Revolution?

• 6:31Bobby Lee?

  Oh, Dance Dance Revolution, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 6:32Speaker 03

  I played DDD.

• 6:33Bobby Lee?

  What's that, Dungeons and Dragons?

• 6:34Speaker 03

  Dungeons and Dragons. And I danced the whole time. Dance, dance, Dungeons and Dragons.

• 6:37Bobby Lee?

  Oh, I imagine now, people have the setup on a table, right? They have their little dice or whatever. And Burt's in the corner just dancing.

• 6:45Speaker 03

  Dude.

• 6:46Bobby Lee?

  Is that what it, oh, I have a song.

• 6:47Speaker 03

  When I was, hold on, I'm sorry. When did this get added to the fucking program?

• 6:51Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. Put your headphones on.

• 6:56Speaker 03

  No, hold on. Is this real?

• 7:06Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I did play a little bit.

• 7:08Speaker 03

  No, it's got, it's, don't, don't.

• 7:09Bobby Lee?

  We're crushes in the house.

• 7:11Speaker 03

  In the house.

• 7:13Bobby Lee?

  He's not fat.

• 7:15Speaker 03

  He's not fat.

• 7:17Bobby Lee?

  He just drinks a lot.

• 7:19Speaker 03

  So much.

• 7:21Bobby Lee?

  Get the neck, go, go ahead, go, go.

• 7:23Speaker 03

  I like to drink by myself. And you're not gonna change keys in there, you don't. I was a little behind on that one. But that's okay, cuz I'm doing alright.

• 7:37Bobby Lee?

  That's right.

• 7:38Speaker 03

  I got a new special out on Netflix. It's called Lucky, March 18. I think you'll like it. If you're white. Or, or, I was gonna add people, I was gonna add things.

• 7:51Bobby Lee?

  No, no, change, no.

• 7:52Speaker 03

  No, oh, no. No, keep going, keep going. Go, keep going, keep going. Or white.

• 7:56Bobby Lee?

  That's it.

• 7:56Speaker 03

  White, or, no, it's other things, or Asians.

• 7:59Bobby Lee?

  I've done your shows before, right?

• 8:00Speaker 03

  That's where it's at.

• 8:01Bobby Lee?

  And that's a true, that's a truism. What else you wanna, okay, let's do that whole, let's do that whole thing again, right?

• 8:06Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 8:08Speaker 03

  I got a new special out on Netflix. It's called Lucky, it's on March 18th. And I think you'll like it if you're white, or Irish, or Scottish, or English, or Australian.

• 8:22Bobby Lee?

  Oh, I see where you're going. Yeah, very good, very good.

• 8:24Speaker 03

  There you go. Good save, huh?

• 8:25Bobby Lee?

  That's a really, that's a really good save, dude. Well, that's wonderful. I didn't know you could sing.

• 8:31Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, frontman, frontman, frontman.

• 8:33Bobby Lee?

  Um, that's mine.

• 8:34Speaker 03

  It's him. Wait, how, wait, hold on. Okay.

• 8:37Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 8:38Speaker 03

  How much of this piano skill is Bobby? And how much of this piano skill is just simply being Asian?

• 8:43Bobby Lee?

  I think eighty percent is just being Asian.

• 8:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, okay. Because like Koreans, you're Koreans?

• 8:48Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 8:49Speaker 03

  All really good at violin.

• 8:51Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 8:51Speaker 03

  And it's the reason they're so good at math. Math and violin are tethered. Do you know that?

• 8:55Bobby Lee?

  Did you know that half my act in my early career was piano?

• 8:59Speaker 03

  No.

• 9:00Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. Show him the bit. Well, I. Show him the bit.

• 9:05Speaker 03

  Oh, if you play chopsticks, I'm gonna lose my fucking mind.

• 9:07Bobby Lee?

  This is it.

• 9:08Speaker 03

  Hold on.

• 9:09Bobby Lee?

  Wait, what?

• 9:10Speaker 03

  Play chopsticks.

• 9:13Bobby Lee?

  So this is what it is, okay? I said, this is Helen Keller, if she was in The Beatles.

• 9:18Speaker 03

  I'm already in.

• 9:19Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 9:42Bobby Lee?

  And people in the audience, this is in the 90s. Do you just like, wow, why? So good. Yeah, yeah, it's not good. It's rude. It's rude.

• 9:53Speaker 03

  No, no, no, it's actually, it's actually, I gotta be dead honest with you.

• 9:56Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 9:56Speaker 03

  It's a half compliment, because you forget she was blind. She's playing piano better than Stevie Wonder.

• 10:01Bobby Lee?

  Right.

• 10:02Speaker 03

  It's a half of a compliment, and you go, you guys are racist.

• 10:04Bobby Lee?

  She was deaf too, right?

• 10:05Speaker 03

  Listen.

• 10:06Bobby Lee?

  Thank God, thank God.

• 10:07Speaker 03

  Deaf, dumb, and blind.

• 10:08Bobby Lee?

  Not dumb.

• 10:08Speaker 03

  Deaf, dumb, not.

• 10:09Bobby Lee?

  Not dumb, dude. Don't say the dumb.

• 10:11Speaker 03

  Not like deaf and blind, deaf, dumb, and blind.

• 10:13Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 10:14Speaker 03

  Wait, I thought you were gonna do this.

• 10:15Bobby Lee?

  What?

• 10:18Bobby Lee?

  No, no, no, no, no.

• 10:19Speaker 03

  Tough thing. Nothing, nobody, I know, I did it like three times and no one fucking laughed. I kept waiting for the fucking laugh.

• 10:26Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're gonna cut that part out, I think.

• 10:28Speaker 03

  No, no, no. Just have, what else can you play? Can you, can you?

• 10:32Bobby Lee?

  Well, I mainly just make up, you know what I mean?

• 10:34Speaker 03

  Okay, so you, okay, ready?

• 10:36Bobby Lee?

  I was a huge like, you know.

• 10:48Bobby Lee?

  Get ready, Jules, get ready, Jules, come on.

• 10:54Bobby Lee?

  That's not the same. That's a different song. That's a different, that's a different, that's a different fucking song.

• 11:02Speaker 03

  Okay, do it again, do it again.

• 11:03Bobby Lee?

  This is what basically hit, what he.

• 11:04Speaker 03

  Do it again.

• 11:05Bobby Lee?

  No, this is what he.

• 11:05Speaker 03

  No, do it again, I know what the song, I know the song.

• 11:11Speaker 03

  Okay, here we go.

• 11:16Bobby Lee?

  Okay, you should have gone there, but, okay, okay.

• 11:22Bobby Lee?

  No, no, that's not it, that's not, that's not it, that's not.

• 11:25Speaker 03

  Wait, hang on, I know it's right there.

• 11:27Bobby Lee?

  You don't know, you, I don't, no, wait, hold on. Are you fucking serious? You don't know what that song is?

• 11:33Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, get that, yeah, you get.

• 11:37Bobby Lee?

  You have the melody. You have the melody. Oh, all right, no, no, no, no, that's not what it is.

• 11:46Bobby Lee?

  Look at me right now.

• 11:48Speaker 03

  Is this an English song?

• 11:49Bobby Lee?

  Yes, it's a Beatles song.

• 11:50Speaker 03

  It's a Beatles?

• 11:51Bobby Lee?

  No, it's a John Lennon song.

• 11:52Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 11:53Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 11:53Speaker 03

  Okay, I got it now, I got it now, I got it, I got it, I got it.

• 11:56Bobby Lee?

  All right, if you go like, mama, just kill the man, or whatever, I'm gonna really be mad.

• 12:01Speaker 03

  No, no, I got it, I got it. I got it. Oh, hang on, you fucked me up. Do it again, do it again.

• 12:05Bobby Lee?

  Mama, just kill the man.

• 12:07Speaker 03

  No, no, no, okay, I got it, I got it, I got it. I got it, I got it, I got it.

• 12:10Bobby Lee?

  But do it earlier.

• 12:12Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 12:12Bobby Lee?

  Look at me, I'll wink and then it's when you go, okay?

• 12:14Speaker 03

  Okay. By the way, by the way, most, I just asked from an Asian guy, when I wink, that's when we go. I was like, do you realize that now I'm nervous about seeing if you're winking?

• 12:26Speaker 03

  Okay, go.

• 12:26Bobby Lee?

  Look closely.

• 12:27Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 12:27Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, look, I'm gonna wink before, so you know what it is.

• 12:30Speaker 03

  Did you just wink then?

• 12:30Bobby Lee?

  Yes. I blinked both eyes.

• 12:35Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 12:36Speaker 03

  Okay. Oh, okay, so you over-serve it. All right, I like it.

• 12:40Bobby Lee?

  And I always say something, when I wink at somebody, I always point for some reason.

• 12:43Speaker 03

  Oh, you?

• 12:44Bobby Lee?

  No, I go like this.

• 12:45Speaker 03

  Oh, you point to your own?

• 12:47Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, so show, they know where to look. Yeah, yeah. Cause sometimes they don't know, you know?

• 12:51Speaker 03

  Are you serious, winking? He was pointing to his eye.

• 12:54Bobby Lee?

  I used to have a joke, let me just talk about the eyes, about, I had a photo shoot for something. And, and the guy goes, after a couple of shots, he goes, "Can we get more expression in your eyes? I'm fucking Asian, there's only two things I do, open and close." That was a joke, anyway, let's move on, okay?

• 13:09Bobby Lee?

  Ready?

• 13:15Bobby Lee?

  No, no, no!

• 13:18Bobby Lee?

  Literally, don't go when I blink. I did like a couple of, you know, mean beats before.

• 13:23Speaker 03

  Okay, okay.

• 13:24Bobby Lee?

  Do you wanna do it when you were about to sing?

• 13:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:26Bobby Lee?

  Okay, okay, so, look at me now.

• 13:27Speaker 03

  Wait, can you mouth the words?

• 13:29Bobby Lee?

  No!

• 13:30Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 13:31Bobby Lee?

  I cannot.

• 13:31Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 13:32Bobby Lee?

  This is a song that should be in great-

• 13:34Speaker 03

  You mouth the words and I'll sing them and it'll look like you're singing. And then you say, "All right, ladies and gentlemen, this is my impression of Burt Kreischer singing John Lennon."

• 13:42Bobby Lee?

  Okay, ladies and gentlemen, this is my impression of Burt Kreischer singing John Lennon.

• 13:54Speaker 03

  Imagine there's no heaven.

• 13:58Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, you got it. I couldn't do it now.

• 14:00Speaker 03

  It's easy.

• 14:01Bobby Lee?

  I can't lip sync and play at the same time.

• 14:04Speaker 03

  All right, let's try to make Imagine a better song.

• 14:06Bobby Lee?

  Oh no, why don't we just, why don't us make up our own song?

• 14:09Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 14:09Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 14:10Speaker 03

  I fucking love this.

• 14:11Bobby Lee?

  In the same, you know, chord.

• 14:12Speaker 03

  Let's do it as a team, though.

• 14:13Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 14:15Speaker 03

  You give us the theme and title.

• 14:16Bobby Lee?

  I'll even do you one better, my friend.

• 14:18Speaker 03

  What's that?

• 14:19Bobby Lee?

  Let's do it in a make-believe accent.

• 14:21Speaker 03

  Uh, I'll rock.

• 14:22Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hello?

• 14:25Speaker 03

  Hello, we're gonna do Australian.

• 14:27Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, so let's come up with a, let's do something sad. Let's go minor on it, right?

• 14:32Speaker 03

  Okay, Australian, you ready?

• 14:34Bobby Lee?

  I can't do Australian.

• 14:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, okay, well, yeah, you can, you just did it.

• 14:36Bobby Lee?

  That was English.

• 14:37Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 14:38Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 14:39Speaker 03

  Okay. Okay, that's Australian.

• 14:42Bobby Lee?

  Okay, I'll do Australian.

• 14:43Speaker 03

  Australian, and it's called, it's a sad song about, it's called Crocodile Tears. Okay?

• 14:52Speaker 03

  Here we go.

• 14:56Bobby Lee?

  I'll just do this.

• 14:58Speaker 03

  My wife. Oh my god. Is that not a good Australian accent? My wife. My wife.

• 15:04Bobby Lee?

  My wife.

• 15:05Speaker 03

  No.

• 15:06Bobby Lee?

  Alright, so, alright, that's a good, let's, one, two, three.

• 15:10Speaker 03

  I just got left by my wife.

• 15:17Speaker 03

  I said, "You call that a knife?"

• 15:23Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I think we should do Asian.

• 15:25Speaker 03

  No, I was, is that not a good accent?

• 15:27Bobby Lee?

  That was pretty good, but I don't think you're in to-

• 15:29Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 15:30Bobby Lee?

  I don't think you're into, you know what, I'm not gonna do minor chords, I think you have a problem with that.

• 15:33Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 15:34Bobby Lee?

  I'm gonna go just major chords.

• 15:35Speaker 03

  My accent is what the problem is.

• 15:36Bobby Lee?

  No, it wasn't.

• 15:36Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 15:37Bobby Lee?

  It's your tone.

• 15:37Speaker 03

  This is the accent I can do, okay?

• 15:39Bobby Lee?

  Okay, do it now.

• 15:41Speaker 03

  Uh, hey, I can't do any.

• 15:46Bobby Lee?

  I know, but also-

• 15:47Speaker 03

  I can do black eyes.

• 15:48Bobby Lee?

  No, no, I know you can't, I know, I don't know where to do that. But you have to sing it.

• 15:52Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 15:52Bobby Lee?

  You have to do the accent.

• 15:54Speaker 03

  But then I'll sound like they also have English.

• 15:56Bobby Lee?

  What?

• 15:56Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 15:56Bobby Lee?

  Hello, my-

• 15:57Speaker 03

  Alright, oh-

• 15:59Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 15:59Speaker 03

  It's so nice-

• 16:01Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, wait, let me get the rhythm going, right? No, that's, that's fucking, let it be, hold on.

• 16:10Bobby Lee?

  That's the simple.

• 16:10Speaker 03

  Hi, yeah, it's so nice to have a wife-

• 16:15Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 16:15Speaker 03

  In my life.

• 16:16Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, very good.

• 16:19Speaker 03

  Filled with strife, my life, you call that a knife?

• 16:23Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, that's good, now, then you, there we go, and-

• 16:27Speaker 04

  And rain, raindrops falling.

• 16:35Speaker 03

  No, no, no, no, I'm not gonna say-

• 16:37Bobby Lee?

  You're on, you're on to something, right?

• 16:39Speaker 03

  No, yeah, no, no.

• 16:40Bobby Lee?

  You're on to something.

• 16:40Speaker 03

  No.

• 16:41Speaker 04

  Falling with my heart on the line.

• 16:47Speaker 03

  That, keep going, she's my sister, she's young,

• 16:54Speaker 03

  and apparently was not born with a tongue.

• 17:00Bobby Lee?

  Very good, I think that's a hit. We should, what's that sound?

• 17:03Speaker 04

  Sorry.

• 17:04Speaker 03

  Oh, she's just got her period.

• 17:05Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 17:08Bobby Lee?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 17:09Speaker 03

  You have daughters, hey.

• 17:10Bobby Lee?

  Now, why would you have an alarm at 5pm?

• 17:13Speaker 04

  Cause I have to sleep because I get so tired.

• 17:17Speaker 03

  You remind yourself to sleep?

• 17:18Bobby Lee?

  Oh, you have a nap alarm?

• 17:20Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 17:20Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 17:27Bobby Lee?

  My penis is sleeping.

• 17:33Bobby Lee?

  I need BlueChew. BlueChew. You guys, I look so young for my age. I'm virile and I'm bombastic. But sometimes, you know, my friend, my friend's sleeping. And it's Toki the Dum Dum.

• 17:49Speaker 00

  Oh, Toki.

• 17:50Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, you remember Toki.

• 17:50Speaker 00

  He's been asleep for a while, yeah.

• 17:52Bobby Lee?

  But sometimes when, you know, I go, Toki, we gotta go into war, right? He goes, what about BlueChew? And I go, I have some. I take it. And he, Purple Heart.

• 18:03Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 18:04Bobby Lee?

  Exactly. He goes in there and he's alert, he's precise, and it works. That's the most important thing. It works, okay? Have better sex with BlueChew. BlueChew is the original brand offering chewable tablets. These erection-enhancing tablets help men achieve stronger, harder, and longer-lasting erections for sexual activities, right? Toki? That's right.

• 18:26Speaker 00

  Whoa.

• 18:26Bobby Lee?

  BlueChew, exactly, is putting money where its mouth is and offering you a month free. Oh my God, you're winning the lottery here, man. The process is simple. Sign up at BlueChew.com, consult with one of their licensed medical providers, and once you're approved, you'll receive a prescription within days. BlueChew tablets are made in the U.S.A. And prepared and shipped directly to your door.

• 18:49Speaker 00

  Guys, make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at BlueChew.com. And we've got a special deal for our listeners. Try your first month of BlueChew free. Visit BlueChew.com for more details and important safety information. We thank BlueChew for sponsoring the podcast.

• 19:04Bobby Lee?

  Live is in Jelmo. Legendary comedy on call. Bill Burr is now streaming on Hulu with his new... You guys, I'm doing the accent, but there's no need to sell this. You don't need to sell it with English stuff. Bill Burr is, how many times has he done this podcast? Four? Four, four times, right? He's directed me in things. I love him like a brother. I believe he's one of the best of all time. I think there's four guys that are the greatest right now doing any one of them, okay? He is now doing a special called Drop Dead Years on Hulu, Hilarious, which is their thing. And what it's interesting about Hulu is there's other companies that never wanted to do a

• 19:48Bobby Lee?

  special with me, but Hulu saw me and said, you know what I mean, this is insane, you have to do one. And so, you know, a lot of us went over there. Maniscalco did, Gaffigan, my best friend, Andrew Santino, little Frankie Caniones, you know what I mean? Hola, quita, my friend. But anyway, Jessica Kurson. So what I'm saying to you is that that's where you go now for pure comedy, okay? Not elitist, smug, you know what I mean? You know what I'm talking about. Real fans. Real good.

• 20:25Speaker 05

  Burr's unique ability to blend critique with laugh-out-loud humor is exactly what makes this one of his most personal and funniest hours yet. See the new hilarious stand-up special, Bill Burr: Drop Dead Years, now streaming on Hulu.

• 20:43Bobby Lee?

  You have a nap alarm?

• 20:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 20:45Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. You know, Burr, how old were you when you did stand-up?

• 20:50Bobby Lee?

  I know, I understand. You gotta address that. We're family, so, yeah.

• 20:54Speaker 03

  No, I got it.

• 20:56Speaker 03

  I was 25 the first time I tried it, 26.

• 21:00Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I was 23, and she's 23, and when I look at her, I'm like, I can't believe I was that young when I tried it.

• 21:05Speaker 03

  You're 23?

• 21:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 21:08Bobby Lee?

  Why is that funny?

• 21:09Speaker 03

  I can't tell if she's still doing the accent from the song.

• 21:14Bobby Lee?

  Raindrop, yeah, yeah, um, yeah, she's 23 and, um, were you scared the very first time, be honest?

• 21:20Speaker 03

  Uh, no, I was nervous because I didn't know what I was gonna do, but I was like, well, also, I've never done this, so if it's not good, then what do you expect? I'm not, I've never done this.

• 21:31Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 21:31Speaker 03

  But yeah, I wasn't nervous, nervous. I think I get more, I was more nervous the first time I did it in New York.

• 21:35Bobby Lee?

  Oh, that's ner-, I get nervous now.

• 21:37Speaker 03

  Oh, I was.

• 21:38Bobby Lee?

  If I'm at the Cellar, I'm, I get, I pace in the back.

• 21:40Speaker 03

  I wanna do a new stand-up show where we shoot it, where we do the stand-up at like 6 o'clock.

• 21:45Bobby Lee?

  Why?

• 21:46Speaker 03

  Because I don't wanna fucking stand up until 9.

• 21:48Bobby Lee?

  I know.

• 21:49Speaker 03

  I mean.

• 21:49Bobby Lee?

  Really?

• 21:50Speaker 03

  I, you, it's, your life's easy. You wake up at like 4, you do a podcast, play video games.

• 21:54Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I'm a comic, that's why.

• 21:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm a person. I'm a person.

• 21:58Bobby Lee?

  Oh, you have a family?

• 21:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, like, like, I, sometimes I look at my friends and I go, I go, what's that look like at 70?

• 22:07Bobby Lee?

  Ah.

• 22:10Speaker 03

  But he's stealing your lyrics from the song.

• 22:13Bobby Lee?

  Oh, so when you're, when you see somebody like, um, like Argus Hamilton go up?

• 22:18Speaker 03

  Argus is different.

• 22:19Bobby Lee?

  Why?

• 22:20Speaker 03

  Oh, maybe that's what it is. It just looks like Ron White. It just.

• 22:22Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, like Ron White, yeah.

• 22:23Speaker 03

  I guess there's not enough, there's so many of us that are doing it at like 45, 50.

• 22:29Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 22:29Speaker 03

  That it's, it, when I was a kid, no one did it this old.

• 22:33Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, oh, no, no, no, they're up, or they were on the road all the time.

• 22:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:36Bobby Lee?

  Like, I never met Jimmy Walker until 3 weeks ago.

• 22:40Speaker 03

  For real?

• 22:40Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 22:41Speaker 03

  Jimmy.

• 22:41Bobby Lee?

  And he had no idea who I was.

• 22:43Speaker 03

  Shazam!

• 22:44Bobby Lee?

  No, that's not him. Yeah, let's figure out if you.

• 22:46Speaker 03

  Kabam!

• 22:47Bobby Lee?

  No, that's not him.

• 22:48Speaker 03

  Don O'Malley!

• 22:49Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, that's it, baby!

• 22:51Speaker 03

  You get that?

• 22:52Bobby Lee?

  No. No, it's such an old reference that they don't even know.

• 22:55Speaker 03

  He was, uh, he was a, he built Mount Rushmore, and so in order to do the faces, they had to blast a lot of big parts where the jawline was. So they, when they plan it, the guys had to get away from it because it was explosive. Jimmy Walker would stand at the base and go, Don O'Malley!

• 23:12Bobby Lee?

  No, that's not how it started. I'll tell you what, when the Irish and the Chinese were building the railroads.

• 23:16Speaker 03

  Oh, I heard this.

• 23:17Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, especially in the West, right? Chinese people had the dynamite duty, and a lot of them people died. And he would, and I don't know why, but Jimmy was always there.

• 23:26Speaker 03

  Really?

• 23:26Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, and, and when a Chinese guy exploded, he'd go, Don O'Malley! That's when he would do it.

• 23:30Speaker 03

  Shit, I heard it was from a sitcom.

• 23:32Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, it was a sitcom. Yeah, yeah.

• 23:34Speaker 03

  So his, his mom in that, her name was Florida in real life.

• 23:37Bobby Lee?

  Really?

• 23:37Speaker 03

  Badass fucking name.

• 23:38Bobby Lee?

  What a great sitcom. It was called What's Happening?

• 23:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:41Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, in the seventies.

• 23:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:43Bobby Lee?

  And Jimmy Walker was a comedy store comic. And he blew up on that show.

• 23:49Speaker 03

  All right, here's a question. Ready? So money's changed. So like, if you were gonna be a sitcom star, the time to have done it was not now.

• 23:56Bobby Lee?

  No, in the seventies and eighties.

• 23:58Speaker 03

  Uh, eighties.

• 23:59Bobby Lee?

  Eighties for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 24:00Speaker 03

  Eighties, nineties. Like, I remember Kevin, uh, Rock, Kevin, uh, James.

• 24:06Bobby Lee?

  Kevin James, yeah.

• 24:06Speaker 03

  Kevin James was making seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars an episode.

• 24:10Speaker 00

  What?

• 24:11Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 24:11Speaker 03

  Dude, that's like having a podcast now. I mean, it's.

• 24:14Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. You don't, don't say that. We, we don't make any money. We, we do it for the love.

• 24:18Speaker 00

  The art.

• 24:19Bobby Lee?

  And the art. No, um, well, I know Stone Street from Modern Valley was making two hundred and fifty thousand, three hundred thousand an episode.

• 24:26Speaker 00

  What?

• 24:26Speaker 03

  Really?

• 24:26Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, and they're doing twenty-three a year, plus, um, what you call it?

• 24:31Speaker 03

  Well, okay.

• 24:32Speaker 00

  Spendication?

• 24:32Bobby Lee?

  Spendication.

• 24:32Speaker 03

  So then the key was, so what was Roseanne making? Roseanne had to be making, I mean, there was the Friends, the Friends and Seinfelds, they were making a million dollars an episode.

• 24:41Bobby Lee?

  That's what Roseanne was making. And she wouldn't even make.

• 24:43Speaker 03

  I gotta be honest with you. I think, I think Stone Street got ripped off.

• 24:47Bobby Lee?

  No, because that was in the nineties, uh, not in early, the two thousands.

• 24:51Speaker 03

  How good was Modern Family?

• 24:52Bobby Lee?

  Great. One of the best shows.

• 24:54Speaker 03

  What do you think they made? You, are you telling me? Okay, well, I guess you gotta split it up with that whole cash, but Friends has got eight people, right? I mean, you.

• 25:03Bobby Lee?

  I, I hate to correct you, okay, but, um, Modern Family, every week, what, what, what was, how many people watched it?

• 25:11Speaker 00

  Million, right?

• 25:12Speaker 03

  Uh, well, hold on, hang on, one second.

• 25:14Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 25:14Speaker 03

  I can't, hang on, one second. I can't believe you said a million. Cause I, do you think that's a lot or a little?

• 25:22Speaker 00

  I think that's a lot.

• 25:25Speaker 03

  No.

• 25:25Bobby Lee?

  No.

• 25:26Speaker 03

  That is a failure of a show.

• 25:27Bobby Lee?

  It's a failure.

• 25:28Speaker 00

  Even now?

• 25:29Bobby Lee?

  No, now, yeah, it's a hit.

• 25:31Speaker 03

  I guarantee you, find out what the ratings were. They're okay, they're making five hundred dollars an episode in the first season. That makes sense.

• 25:36Speaker 00

  He's eleven.

• 25:36Speaker 03

  And there's, there's eleven of them?

• 25:38Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 25:38Speaker 03

  So then that's a lot of people. They've gotta split that up, and I guarantee you they have favored nations. Maybe not.

• 25:42Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 25:43Speaker 03

  But, oh, you brought vodka. Anyway, here, keep going, keep going.

• 25:46Bobby Lee?

  Keep going.

• 25:47Speaker 03

  So wait, see what their average rating was, what the rating was on, uh, on, um.

• 25:51Speaker 00

  It seems like, it seems like the top tier folks were all getting half a mil per episode by the end.

• 25:55Speaker 03

  Half a mil per episode.

• 25:57Speaker 00

  That's great. That's a lot.

• 26:00Speaker 03

  What's the point you're getting to, Bert? My point is, if they're getting, thank you, if they're getting,

• 26:11Speaker 03

  I mean, I don't know, I think Modern Family, I think they were pulling in a high rating when no one was watching television. Maybe 10 million, maybe, right? 10 million. 10 million is a lot of fucking people. Do you know Last Comic Standing, the year I did it? Yeah. My episode was 13 million people. Wow. Yeah, and I was like, and I'll tell you what, 13 million people? You get recognized. Yeah. I was on that night, it aired that night and I was flying, I had Georgia. On the episode I did, I said, "I'm pregnant, we're having a baby, I really need this," and then I got booted, that episode. Yeah. And that was on a, well, it aired on a Wednesday night, I think, I think it aired on a Wednesday night, and I flew Thursday to go to, to go to Miami Improv, and it aired like Wednesday or Tuesday, I guess?

• 26:54Speaker 03

  And I got so recognized in the bar at the American Airlines, everyone bought me drinks, and everyone's like, "Hey, did you have the baby?" And I was like, "Yeah, I just had her." And they're like, "Oh, let's see pictures." And I was showing pictures, it was crazy. You know who says that? Narcissus.

• 27:13Speaker 03

  Do you know what? I had this fucking Ari Shaffir on my podcast with Tommy? Yeah. And Ari's like- Sociopath. Sociopath. Yeah, yeah. Pull up the fucking, pull up the traits of a sociopath and we'll diagnose Ari. Yeah, yeah. But Ari said to me casually, and I think he's just trying to fuck with me, but he goes, "Well, you make everything about yourself." And I got really in my head about it. And I was like, I was like, and then I was like, and then I was like saying to Leanne, I was like, it's like, maybe I'll talk about this in therapy, "Do I make everything about yourself?" She goes, "Yeah, but you're a stand-up comedian." Yes. "Everything's about yourself." That's weird. And she goes, "Wait, didn't Ari shit on a pizza box to win an ele-" or that was, I shit on a pizza box to win an ele- He shit on my car. He, but he just shit to announce his special. Not just the pizza box, he shits everywhere. Okay, ready? Yeah. Okay. Psychopath or sociopath? Who do we do first?

• 27:58Speaker 03

  What do you mean? Me? No, would you want, okay, who do you think the closest to a sociopath is? Ari. Okay. And psychopath. Let's run it, psychopath. Yeah, yeah. Okay.

• 28:09Speaker 03

  Okay, what? Lack of guilt. My eyes are bad, so can you? I just want to let you know- What are you doing?

• 28:17Speaker 00

  What is that?

• 28:18Speaker 03

  It's Ari shitting at Legion of Skanks.

• 28:21Speaker 00

  Oh, that was for real?

• 28:22Bobby Lee?

  So, without reading that, can you judge it to this photo?

• 28:27Speaker 06

  Yeah, he's just...

• 28:28Bobby Lee?

  Psychosociopath. Yeah, yeah, thank you.

• 28:29Speaker 00

  Lack of remorse.

• 28:30Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, so let's go-

• 28:31Speaker 03

  But there's no, I mean, look, shit in public.

• 28:33Bobby Lee?

  Okay, lack of guilt, remorse, and empathy. I think Ari has empathy.

• 28:39Speaker 00

  You're talking to him?

• 28:40Speaker 03

  I'm talking to him, and me. Didn't he beat you up and he drugged me?

• 28:45Bobby Lee?

  Right, right.

• 28:46Speaker 03

  Okay, next-

• 28:46Bobby Lee?

  Oh, yeah, click, click, yes, yes, yes. Okay, the second one. Pretending to feel emotions.

• 28:51Speaker 03

  Can I tell you, can I tell you?

• 28:52Bobby Lee?

  Okay, tell me.

• 28:52Speaker 03

  I go 100% because I wonder sometimes if that's when he calls me on the phone, and he's like, "I know this is what people are supposed to do." Like, "Hi, Bert, how are you?"

• 29:00Bobby Lee?

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 29:01Speaker 03

  He's having a hard time. He's like, "I just want to tell him to fuck himself. I'm gonna drug him again."

• 29:04Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, he also like, sometimes will go, "Hey, pal, happy birthday." I'm like, "This is bullshit."

• 29:10Speaker 03

  All right, now here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna run through this, then we're gonna call Ari and think if he thinks we're narcissists.

• 29:14Bobby Lee?

  Okay, here we go.

• 29:15Speaker 03

  So you know Ari thinks we're narcissists?

• 29:16Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, he does, he does, yeah. So the third one is, I can't read it.

• 29:18Speaker 03

  The inability to form true emotional attachments. That's not true.

• 29:21Bobby Lee?

  That's not true. He loves his dog.

• 29:23Speaker 03

  He loves Joey Diaz. Right before Ralphie died, he spent an extra two days in Nashville to spend time with that, or with-

• 29:28Bobby Lee?

  He also likes Joe Rogan. He's an extension of Joe Rogan's asshole.

• 29:31Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 29:34Speaker 03

  All right, the next-

• 29:34Bobby Lee?

  Remember that one time we were in, um, mothership, you and I, and Joe was rioting feverishly? And we're just sitting there, and it's like, no one was talking, and you just whispering, you go, "Ah, I don't feel comfortable." And I go, "I know, this is weird," you know what I mean? Because he has, I love Joe Rogan, but he has this power almost.

• 29:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:55Bobby Lee?

  Does it feel, do you feel, do you get nervous around him?

• 29:57Speaker 03

  No.

• 29:57Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 29:58Speaker 03

  I don't get nervous around him, but, uh, but I definitely, I definitely, uh, I definitely, you know, wouldn't know what you're talking about, but his power. He's a, he's a really intense dude.

• 30:07Bobby Lee?

  He's an intense dude, yeah, yeah.

• 30:08Speaker 03

  All right, Ari, next.

• 30:09Bobby Lee?

  Tend to be successful.

• 30:10Speaker 03

  Okay, pass. Dishonesty. No, he doesn't have that one. He is the most honest.

• 30:16Bobby Lee?

  He is very honest, yeah.

• 30:17Speaker 03

  He's painfully honest.

• 30:17Bobby Lee?

  Manipulative behavior, narcissism, and superficial charm.

• 30:22Speaker 03

  No.

• 30:23Bobby Lee?

  No, he doesn't have that.

• 30:23Speaker 03

  Okay, next, go to sociopath.

• 30:25Bobby Lee?

  You read it.

• 30:25Speaker 03

  Lack of remorse, but guilt and empathy may be present in some cases. Yes.

• 30:30Bobby Lee?

  100%.

• 30:31Speaker 03

  Some emotions are felt, rage, but are shallow and fleeting.

• 30:35Bobby Lee?

  Yes!

• 30:35Speaker 00

  Rage.

• 30:36Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 30:36Bobby Lee?

  Yes!

• 30:37Speaker 03

  May form close attachments to one or few individuals.

• 30:40Bobby Lee?

  Yes!

• 30:43Speaker 03

  Consistent irresponsible and repeated violations of law.

• 30:47Bobby Lee?

  Yes!

• 30:50Speaker 03

  Constant lying and deception. No.

• 30:53Speaker 00

  Deception, maybe?

• 30:54Speaker 03

  No.

• 30:55Bobby Lee?

  He, there's some deception. There's a, there's, no, I don't think so. I think he has got the deception.

• 31:00Speaker 03

  He's a-

• 31:00Bobby Lee?

  He's a deceiver, dude. He, he does shadow play.

• 31:02Speaker 00

  Did you know what was in your drink when he gave it to you?

• 31:05Bobby Lee?

  Yes! Very good.

• 31:08Speaker 03

  Okay, alright.

• 31:09Bobby Lee?

  So he's a sociopath.

• 31:10Speaker 03

  Alright, pull up narcissist.

• 31:11Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 31:12Speaker 03

  Let's find, how to identify a narcissist.

• 31:13Bobby Lee?

  Also, we want to play this game, too.

• 31:15Speaker 03

  What?

• 31:15Bobby Lee?

  We're gonna call him at the same time, see who's more, more important to him. Alright, so, but, well, let's get our phones on. We'll do it now. Let me get his phone number. Alright, you do, I'll do the first one, and you will self-diagnose ourselves?

• 31:28Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 31:28Bobby Lee?

  Okay. Or do we do, we self-diagnose each other?

• 31:30Speaker 03

  Okay, we answer honestly, and then they tell the truth.

• 31:34Bobby Lee?

  That's a fun game.

• 31:35Speaker 03

  Peter?

• 31:36Bobby Lee?

  And you can get involved, too, Jules, just based on what you know.

• 31:38Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 31:38Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 31:39Speaker 03

  Self-importance.

• 31:41Bobby Lee?

  I, I do it to myself?

• 31:42Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 31:42Bobby Lee?

  Nah.

• 31:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm bear, I'm very humble.

• 31:46Bobby Lee?

  Let's go to the judges?

• 31:49Speaker 00

  Alright, next.

• 31:50Bobby Lee?

  This is gonna hurt.

• 31:51Speaker 00

  Next.

• 31:51Speaker 03

  Wait, wait, what's self-importance? Google the definition of self-importance.

• 31:54Bobby Lee?

  No, you know what self-importance is!

• 31:56Speaker 03

  I don't, but I, I think, I, I think, yes.

• 31:58Bobby Lee?

  Are you NCP?

• 31:59Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 32:00Bobby Lee?

  NPC?

• 32:02Speaker 03

  MPC.

• 32:02Bobby Lee?

  No, you, you're the main character.

• 32:04Speaker 03

  I'm ass to mouth.

• 32:05Speaker 00

  Do you believe you're the main character in your game? Yes or no?

• 32:08Speaker 03

  Yeah. I actually can't believe, I actually wonder if you guys are actually all alive. If you have souls the way I have a soul or if I'm special.

• 32:17Bobby Lee?

  Move funny.

• 32:18Speaker 00

  Here we go, exaggerated estimate of one's own importance.

• 32:21Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 32:22Speaker 00

  Do you feel a little exaggerated?

• 32:23Speaker 03

  No, I think it's pretty accurate. I'm fucking dope as shit.

• 32:26Bobby Lee?

  And you know, me too.

• 32:27Speaker 03

  I'm fucking cool as shit. Like, I gotta be real, let's be real. Hold on. Exaggerated estimate of one's own importance? Uh, no, I don't have that. I am accurate to who I am. I'm very self reflecting, but I'm not like, I don't think I'm crazy, but I'm like, yo, I got a fucking crazy, fucking awesome wife. I got two great kids. I got an amazing career. I got three amazing podcasts. I got a special coming out on Netflix. It's my sixth fucking special. I realize that's wild, cool shit. And I, but I don't go like, but I'm the best. I'm not the best. Like, I know, I could name, right name, right now. Can you name 10 comics? Name 10. I'll go back and forth, back and forth. 10 comics that are way better than we are. Ready?

• 33:06Bobby Lee?

  No, I don't know how 10, I don't know 10.

• 33:08Speaker 03

  No, I'll go one, you go, I'll go five.

• 33:10Bobby Lee?

  Oh, five, five, five, five. Who's better? Let me start.

• 33:13Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 33:14Bobby Lee?

  Tim Dillon.

• 33:16Speaker 03

  Oh, not him. No, I'm kidding.

• 33:19Speaker 03

  Uh, uh, oh, this is gonna be tough. Um.

• 33:23Speaker 04

  Is Tom better than you?

• 33:24Speaker 03

  No, not him. Um. Fuck.

• 33:28Bobby Lee?

  Have you ever met Tom?

• 33:29Speaker 03

  What's the guy, what's the guy, what's the guy, fucking dynamite, what's that guy?

• 33:33Bobby Lee?

  Jimmy Walker.

• 33:34Speaker 03

  Jimmy Walker is better than that. All right, this is a bad one. Keep going.

• 33:36Bobby Lee?

  Let's go real, no.

• 33:37Speaker 03

  No, but I don't wanna go real because then our friends are gonna get upset if we didn't mention their names. Shane Gillis. The, uh.

• 33:43Bobby Lee?

  All right, so the second one, expecting praise for minimal work, even none at all.

• 33:49Speaker 00

  That's most guys.

• 33:50Speaker 03

  That's most guys.

• 33:50Speaker 00

  When you're.

• 33:51Bobby Lee?

  No.

• 33:51Speaker 03

  Like, if I do the dishes, I'm like, yo, have you been in the kitchen yet?

• 33:55Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 33:56Speaker 03

  Because there's something special in there waiting for you. And then she just sees no dishes in there and goes, I don't see it. And I go, are you fucking kidding me? Take a look in the sink. She goes, there's nothing in there. I go, exactly.

• 34:06Bobby Lee?

  I've done this, right? I sold out the Sacramento Punchline and there's only 10 people there.

• 34:11Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 34:11Bobby Lee?

  Is that what that is?

• 34:12Speaker 00

  No, that's you saying quote to your ex-girlfriend, bitch, I cuddled you for 20 minutes.

• 34:17Bobby Lee?

  And then what?

• 34:18Speaker 00

  And then she's like, yeah, you're supposed to.

• 34:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:22Bobby Lee?

  Okay. I literally don't understand it, but let's go to the next one.

• 34:27Speaker 03

  All right, we can just skip the next one. That's a yes for me.

• 34:30Bobby Lee?

  Wait, wait, I want to read.

• 34:31Speaker 03

  Never mind, never mind.

• 34:31Bobby Lee?

  Occupied with success, with needed to be, yeah, that's, I have that too.

• 34:35Speaker 03

  I have that. I'm obsessed with success.

• 34:37Bobby Lee?

  Oh, you have four for sure. Let's move.

• 34:39Speaker 03

  Craving power?

• 34:40Speaker 00

  Four, craving power.

• 34:41Speaker 03

  Uh, I didn't always, but now I do. Okay. Only wanting to be around highly status or high achieving people. No, look, I hang out with Pete all the time.

• 34:51Bobby Lee?

  He works for you.

• 34:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, okay.

• 34:53Bobby Lee?

  If you didn't pay him, he would never be found. Okay?

• 34:56Speaker 00

  He would never be found.

• 34:57Speaker 03

  I was a slam to Pete. I was, I was expecting a bigger laugh on that. I was hoping you'd go, look at who I hang out with.

• 35:03Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I have lunch with losers like these guys earlier, but anyway, guys.

• 35:07Speaker 03

  I don't, I don't, I don't care about status.

• 35:08Speaker 00

  Require lots of attention and praise from those around them.

• 35:16Speaker 03

  I'm taking a bath in that one. I'm, I really need praise and attention.

• 35:21Bobby Lee?

  I think I'm drowning in that one.

• 35:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:22Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, if there's a sea of that.

• 35:23Speaker 03

  Oh, there's more?

• 35:24Bobby Lee?

  There's gotta be. Okay. Entitled behavior, you have that.

• 35:28Speaker 03

  Uh huh, I got it.

• 35:28Bobby Lee?

  I got it too.

• 35:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's called being famous. Keep going.

• 35:31Bobby Lee?

  All right, okay, expecting special, like if you're at a restaurant, I've done this.

• 35:34Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 35:35Bobby Lee?

  Where I'm at a restaurant and, you know, I sign up for, they don't know me, and I sign up to be on the list. And then I see another people go, get in faster than me, I lose my shit. I'll go, I'll show them my Instagram fucking followers, everything, you know what I mean?

• 35:48Speaker 03

  I'll tell you, this is how bad I am.

• 35:49Bobby Lee?

  What?

• 35:51Speaker 03

  I was with my parents.

• 35:53Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 35:53Speaker 03

  I was with my parents and we were trying to get somewhere. We're going to a Bucks game.

• 35:57Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 35:58Speaker 03

  And, uh, I can't believe I said this. Pete, were you in the car with us when we went to the Bucks game with my parents? And, uh, and we were getting, pulling up and they're like, they're like, Dad, this is VIP entrance. I go, we should be good. And they're like, no, no, it's just VIP. We don't have the pass. I go, roll the window down, let them see my face.

• 36:15Speaker 03

  Hang on, hang on. How often does, hang on, for real. How often does that work, Pete? It does it three times with me in the car. How many times has it worked? Three times. Fucking works every time.

• 36:25Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 36:25Speaker 03

  It's my demographic. There's some fucking, there're guys running a fucking parking lot.

• 36:28Bobby Lee?

  Can I say something that happened the other day? It was crazy. So it was literally not my fault. I was driving down Ventura and this man who happens to be black, just swiped swipes my car. But I swerved enough where it didn't do any damage to my, but his whole, what's it, the rear view window was gone. The side mirror.

• 36:46Speaker 03

  Side window, yeah.

• 36:47Bobby Lee?

  And I just went, you know what? It's his fault for sure, so I'm just gonna move on. And kept driving, but he followed me in his car for like a couple blocks. And we're doing, doing his lights, you know what I mean? So I pulled over. He goes, motherfucker, you know, you know, he goes, motherfucker, you fucking, I go, I didn't, and he goes, you're Bobby Lee.

• 37:05Bobby Lee?

  I go, yeah.

• 37:06Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah.

• 37:07Bobby Lee?

  It changed his.

• 37:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:09Bobby Lee?

  Energy a bit. His energy changed.

• 37:11Speaker 03

  So that's the way we should look at Tom Segura's car accident recently. Is that he's not worked hard enough for people to run into his car and then stop and go, oh my God, I didn't know you were Tom Segura.

• 37:21Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 37:22Speaker 03

  Did you see that? The woman backed into his, his car.

• 37:25Bobby Lee?

  Stay with the nurse.

• 37:26Speaker 03

  Okay, no, okay.

• 37:26Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 37:27Speaker 03

  It was crazy because they got it all on camera. And she just took off. And Tom's like, what the fu, okay.

• 37:32Bobby Lee?

  Exploiting, were you doing that right?

• 37:33Speaker 03

  Exploiting others?

• 37:34Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 37:34Speaker 03

  Nope, don't have that.

• 37:36Bobby Lee?

  Do I have it?

• 37:38Bobby Lee?

  No, do I, do I have it? I don't know what it means, but do I have it? Be honest.

• 37:41Speaker 03

  No.

• 37:42Bobby Lee?

  Okay, good. Lack of empathy, that's not me.

• 37:44Speaker 03

  That's not, definitely not me. I'm the most empathetic person that ever fucked me.

• 37:47Bobby Lee?

  I'm bigger than you, I'm big empathy than you.

• 37:48Speaker 03

  I gave one a homeless person money the other day and those people suck.

• 37:51Bobby Lee?

  I blew a homeless guy. And gave him crack, and gave him crack, and he loved it.

• 37:54Speaker 03

  I gave, I gave a homeless guy money and I said, and Leanne was with me.

• 37:57Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 37:57Speaker 03

  And she goes, baby, you know, most of these people aren't even really homeless. They're just standing on the street with a sign. And I go, well, if he's not homeless, he is a character actor, cuz he has dirt all over his fucking hands.

• 38:07Bobby Lee?

  Exactly.

• 38:07Speaker 03

  And I, and I, I'm gonna, just out of his respect for his craft.

• 38:10Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 38:11Speaker 03

  I'm gonna give him twenty dollars.

• 38:12Bobby Lee?

  But one time I caught one.

• 38:13Speaker 03

  What?

• 38:14Bobby Lee?

  He looked dirty up into his feet and they were completely clean and manicured.

• 38:18Speaker 03

  It's like when a girl puts on makeup just on her face and then her neck looks a different color.

• 38:22Bobby Lee?

  Oh, I hate that! You know, I hate cankles.

• 38:25Speaker 03

  Oh my God.

• 38:26Bobby Lee?

  I hate them! Like, it's like, have a division between your foot and your fucking calf, man!

• 38:33Speaker 03

  I.

• 38:35Speaker 03

  I, I, you know what I'm gonna say?

• 38:36Bobby Lee?

  It blends in.

• 38:38Speaker 03

  Let me see your ankle real quick.

• 38:39Bobby Lee?

  No, she has like a little.

• 38:41Speaker 03

  Oh, you're Asian. Do Asian people get cankles?

• 38:43Bobby Lee?

  No.

• 38:44Speaker 03

  Type in Asian cankles. That's a great name for a fucking, that's a great name for a tour.

• 38:49Bobby Lee?

  No, no, note that, we'll finish this. Envy, oh yeah.

• 38:52Speaker 03

  Okay, go ahead.

• 38:52Bobby Lee?

  Envy or believing others are envious of them. No, never, never, never. Arrogance, you have that.

• 39:01Bobby Lee?

  You're, listen, I'm gonna.

• 39:02Speaker 03

  You think, okay, name the time of an arrogance.

• 39:04Bobby Lee?

  I'll tell you why.

• 39:04Speaker 03

  Okay, tell me.

• 39:05Bobby Lee?

  I can name you a couple of times.

• 39:06Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 39:07Bobby Lee?

  Okay. I'm on your tour.

• 39:09Speaker 03

  Oh my god. Okay, keep going, keep going.

• 39:12Bobby Lee?

  And, uh, I literally almost died.

• 39:17Bobby Lee?

  I was knocked unconscious.

• 39:18Speaker 03

  I did not have my ring around.

• 39:19Bobby Lee?

  Okay. I hit my fucking head on your tour bus.

• 39:23Speaker 03

  Yeah?

• 39:25Bobby Lee?

  I didn't sue. And, um, and I.

• 39:28Speaker 03

  Is that an option?

• 39:28Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, and blood is gushing out of my mouth.

• 39:30Speaker 03

  Yeah?

• 39:31Bobby Lee?

  And I'm texting people, and you're the first person to text, you're the last person to text it back.

• 39:36Speaker 03

  That's not arrogance, Bobby.

• 39:37Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, that's arrogance, you know? And guess what, guy?

• 39:40Speaker 03

  Do Google the next.

• 39:41Bobby Lee?

  No, wait, wait, that's not the thing. No, no, wait, wait.

• 39:43Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 39:43Bobby Lee?

  And Pete, right?

• 39:46Bobby Lee?

  He takes me to the hospital. He holds my hand when I'm getting stitches in my mouth, right? He took over everything, right? He loves me more than you love me.

• 39:56Speaker 03

  No.

• 39:56Bobby Lee?

  And that's why when Pete came in here, did you see the hug? That was fucking Vietnam War hug. We served together in the platoon.

• 40:03Speaker 03

  Oh, okay.

• 40:03Bobby Lee?

  I was on the other team.

• 40:04Speaker 03

  I was like, wait.

• 40:05Bobby Lee?

  And we did win, but you know what I mean? We did it together.

• 40:08Speaker 03

  Type in the definition of arrogance, please.

• 40:11Speaker 03

  Arrogance. Overly proud of one's selves or one's own opinions. Okay, I got it.

• 40:16Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 40:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, you're right.

• 40:18Bobby Lee?

  That, we're done with that, let's call Ari. One, two, three.

• 40:23Speaker 06

  Your call has been.

• 40:24Bobby Lee?

  Fuck, do it again, do it again, do it again.

• 40:26Speaker 00

  That means he said no.

• 40:28Bobby Lee?

  That seems like he clicked it. Oh yeah, he clicked it again.

• 40:30Speaker 00

  He's clicking it.

• 40:31Bobby Lee?

  Oh my, he doesn't like either one of us. He'll call back.

• 40:35Speaker 03

  Oh yeah.

• 40:35Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. What, were you gonna, look up again?

• 40:38Speaker 03

  Uh, Asian cankles.

• 40:39Bobby Lee?

  Oh, yeah, look up Asian cankles.

• 40:41Speaker 03

  This is Tom getting, look.

• 40:43Speaker 00

  Getting in with a lady. She fled the scene.

• 40:45Speaker 03

  She fled the scene.

• 40:48Bobby Lee?

  Wow. Did she recognize him?

• 40:50Speaker 03

  No.

• 40:50Bobby Lee?

  Oh, wow.

• 40:51Speaker 03

  I mean, in all honesty, he kinda does like, you know, like, okay, it's like, alright, here's the deal.

• 40:59Bobby Lee?

  Play it soft.

• 40:59Speaker 03

  So if you, like, there's a stereotype, there's a stereotype that Asians all look alike, right? That's a stereotype.

• 41:06Bobby Lee?

  There's a stereotype of what iffy, beefy insurrectionists look like, you know what I mean?

• 41:09Speaker 03

  Well, you didn't let me finish my fucking thing, but I'm saying like, but like, if there's, but there is a, like, a big chunk of Asians, not all of them, but a big chunk that do look alike. Well, with bald white, hang on, hear me out. With bald white guys, there's a big chunk of them that look all the same. I mean, I'll tell you right now, tell me if this doesn't look like Tom Segura. Like, there's, it's a, it's a thing. It's like, the bald head, gray beard.

• 41:33Bobby Lee?

  I'll look something up too, Guy.

• 41:35Speaker 03

  What?

• 41:35Bobby Lee?

  We can both look something up, okay, Guy? Alright?

• 41:41Speaker 03

  Wait, are we, you gonna tell me what we're looking up? This is riveting. Yeah.

• 41:46Bobby Lee?

  Alright, so I Googled, I'll tell you what I Googled. I Googled gay bear.

• 41:51Speaker 03

  Okay, I guarantee you're gonna get a bunch of Toms.

• 41:53Bobby Lee?

  No, is this Tom or Bert?

• 41:56Speaker 03

  Oh, that's Tom's eyes. Whoa, is that really? Hang on, look at my glasses.

• 42:00Bobby Lee?

  That's a gay Bert.

• 42:01Speaker 03

  Wait, is that, is that not me?

• 42:02Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 42:04Speaker 03

  Let me see, let me see, let me see.

• 42:05Bobby Lee?

  I mean, everyone is your type.

• 42:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, oh.

• 42:08Bobby Lee?

  You know what I mean?

• 42:08Speaker 03

  Dude, if you go to one of my shows.

• 42:10Bobby Lee?

  You're a gay bear, dude.

• 42:10Speaker 03

  If you go to one of my shows.

• 42:12Bobby Lee?

  Is that not Bert Kreischer? It's type.

• 42:14Speaker 03

  That's you.

• 42:14Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, thank you, thank you.

• 42:15Speaker 03

  Okay, hang on, hang on.

• 42:16Bobby Lee?

  Now find me me, you won't.

• 42:18Speaker 03

  I'm gonna, no, I'm just gonna prove that, watch this.

• 42:26Bobby Lee?

  Turtle beach, turtle beach, turtle beach. Y'all? Yeah. Welcome, dude. Okay. I'm a gamer for life. What I like to do is like the game for life, you know what I mean? And what I like to do is also, I want everything good. I want high-def visuals, right? But the most important thing is high-def. Hearing, reliable hearing.

• 42:50Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 42:50Bobby Lee?

  And that's why I only use Turtle Beach 700. The Stealth 700 has the industry's first ever cross-paid dual wireless transmitter system.

• 42:59Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 43:00Bobby Lee?

  That means you can seamlessly switch between your console and PC with just a click of beep, click of a button.

• 43:05Speaker 00

  Get out of here.

• 43:06Bobby Lee?

  And it gets even better. While being connected to your console, the Stealth 700 can connect with your phone for music streaming or taking calls at the same time. Like, what's up, Jerome?

• 43:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 43:19Bobby Lee?

  Bye.

• 43:20Speaker 00

  Bye.

• 43:20Bobby Lee?

  Listen to your favorite songs while gaming, all done with the Stealth 700, my friends.

• 43:25Speaker 00

  Wow, head to turtlebeach.com and use code BELLY for 10% off your entire order. That's 10% off your order at turtlebeach.com with promo code BELLY. After your purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them we sent you. Get the ultimate immersive gaming experience with Turtle Beach today.

• 43:41Bobby Lee?

  Turtle Beach, Turtle Beach, Turtle Beach.

• 43:55Speaker 00

  So much.

• 43:55Speaker 03

  You're telling me.

• 43:57Bobby Lee?

  There's so much. When you get together, it's like a tit for tat. I don't like it.

• 44:00Speaker 03

  You're telling me that these Asians don't look alike?

• 44:03Bobby Lee?

  They're twins.

• 44:05Speaker 00

  That's insane, dude. That's crazy that you just do that.

• 44:08Bobby Lee?

  Those are fucking twins, bro.

• 44:09Speaker 03

  But these two.

• 44:10Bobby Lee?

  Yep, twins, dude. Fuck, dude.

• 44:12Speaker 03

  I'm on the wrong website. I'm on the wrong website. These, though, these definitely do.

• 44:17Bobby Lee?

  Twins, look up, I remember Google this, look up people who look like Bobby Lee.

• 44:22Speaker 03

  People who look like Bobby Lee.

• 44:24Speaker 00

  I'm not getting a lot of.

• 44:24Speaker 03

  This guy kinda looks like Bobby Lee.

• 44:27Speaker 00

  Dumbfounded?

• 44:27Bobby Lee?

  That's my best friend.

• 44:28Speaker 03

  Oh, that's you.

• 44:29Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. That's insane.

• 44:30Speaker 03

  This guy looks a lot like you and Santino. I don't have glasses on.

• 44:34Bobby Lee?

  You don't?

• 44:34Speaker 03

  I don't have glasses on, I can't see any of this.

• 44:36Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 44:36Speaker 03

  All right.

• 44:37Bobby Lee?

  All right.

• 44:39Speaker 03

  My point is, Tom does look like.

• 44:40Bobby Lee?

  You're talking to somebody like you.

• 44:43Speaker 03

  That's Jason Kelsey.

• 44:44Bobby Lee?

  Oh, he's so funny.

• 44:44Speaker 00

  He's great.

• 44:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's great.

• 44:46Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 44:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, but no, but there is like a swath of white dudes that all kinda look alike.

• 44:50Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 44:50Speaker 03

  Like, it's all of us, it's like, I gotta be honest with you, I'd even argue this. You ready for this?

• 44:54Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 44:54Speaker 03

  And then we're gonna talk about sexy underwear. Dude, I've been wanting to talk to you about this. Okay.

• 44:58Bobby Lee?

  I have someone now.

• 44:59Speaker 03

  And so, hang on.

• 45:01Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 45:01Speaker 03

  So.

• 45:03Speaker 03

  Is there an argument to be said, now that you look at all these pictures of people that look like Tom and people that look like me, is there an argument to be said that individuality is, is not a real thing? And that what happens is when people start getting older, they start to wanna look like the people they feel like. Like, I mean, look, think about, think about how many white guys have mustaches like Shane right now? Like, white guys with mustaches is a thing.

• 45:26Bobby Lee?

  Oh, you're saying that you're influencing looks?

• 45:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, like, no, I'm not. I'm influenced by something I saw.

• 45:31Bobby Lee?

  No, because I've seen people in my shows that wear the beanie and have the Asian mustache.

• 45:35Speaker 03

  It's like a natural human behavior to be drawn to something you wanna look like, or to put on a costume that looks like that, right?

• 45:42Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 45:42Speaker 03

  Okay, now let's talk about sexy panties. Now.

• 45:46Speaker 03

  So the, so I don't wear underwear. I've never worn underwear.

• 45:48Bobby Lee?

  Are you being serious right now?

• 45:49Speaker 03

  I'm just being dead serious.

• 45:50Bobby Lee?

  Can I say something to you?

• 45:51Speaker 03

  Please.

• 45:52Bobby Lee?

  Out of all the comedians I know, I've seen your taint, your butthole, your nutsack, and penis.

• 46:00Speaker 03

  Uh, I want, I wanna tell you right now. That I have the cleanest butthole in the world.

• 46:05Bobby Lee?

  I didn't say, did I say, did I say?

• 46:07Speaker 06

  You didn't say.

• 46:07Bobby Lee?

  Did I say it was dirty?

• 46:09Speaker 06

  You did not.

• 46:09Bobby Lee?

  It's cavernous.

• 46:10Speaker 03

  I shaved it.

• 46:11Bobby Lee?

  Isn't that cavernous?

• 46:11Speaker 03

  I shaved it yesterday.

• 46:13Bobby Lee?

  Okay, is it cavernous?

• 46:14Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 46:14Bobby Lee?

  It's deep?

• 46:15Speaker 03

  It's deep.

• 46:15Bobby Lee?

  Exactly.

• 46:16Speaker 03

  Yes, if I push, it looks better.

• 46:17Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. Remember those, like, Chilean soccer kids or whatever that got lost? That's what it was.

• 46:22Speaker 03

  No, no.

• 46:22Bobby Lee?

  I saw Chilean.

• 46:23Speaker 03

  Hang on, hold on, hold on.

• 46:24Bobby Lee?

  A minor. I saw Chilean minor in your butthole.

• 46:26Speaker 03

  You, you just, you named two times when people were entrapped and you mashed it up.

• 46:32Bobby Lee?

  I know, that's what I did.

• 46:32Speaker 03

  Chilean minors and Thai soccer kids.

• 46:34Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. They both were trapped and I combined them.

• 46:37Speaker 03

  Do you remember those Chilean soccer kids?

• 46:39Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, for my viewers that don't understand.

• 46:41Speaker 03

  Do you remember when those Chilean soccer kids got trapped on top of a mountain after their plane crashed? And they had to eat each other?

• 46:47Bobby Lee?

  That's what I was doing!

• 46:48Speaker 06

  That's what I was thinking.

• 46:48Speaker 03

  That's what I was thinking.

• 46:49Bobby Lee?

  Oh, sorry.

• 46:50Speaker 03

  So, yesterday, yesterday, I've been having a hard time with my asshairs. When I jog, they get tied in a knot. And so...

• 46:58Bobby Lee?

  Those are called dreadlocks.

• 46:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm, I'm getting, I'm getting, whatever I'm getting, and I couldn't.

• 47:02Bobby Lee?

  You have a roster asshole.

• 47:05Bobby Lee?

  That's all, Bob Marley had that.

• 47:07Speaker 03

  So.

• 47:07Bobby Lee?

  And I'm not shaming, there's no shame there.

• 47:09Speaker 03

  Bob Marley, the comic from Maine?

• 47:11Bobby Lee?

  Yes.

• 47:13Speaker 03

  So yesterday.

• 47:13Bobby Lee?

  Very funny by the way.

• 47:14Speaker 03

  Yesterday, I'm getting ready for our 5K and I go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna shave, I'm gonna shave my pubes. So I like to shave my pubes outdoors, on our deck, in the sun, my favorite place to shave my pubes.

• 47:24Bobby Lee?

  Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, can I just say something?

• 47:26Speaker 03

  Please.

• 47:27Bobby Lee?

  I, I, I don't want you to be offended by this, but you have a very big house.

• 47:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:32Bobby Lee?

  There's probably different bathrooms you could use.

• 47:34Speaker 03

  Oh, uh-uh.

• 47:35Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 47:35Speaker 03

  The joy is shaving it outdoors.

• 47:38Speaker 04

  What's your position?

• 47:39Bobby Lee?

  Good question.

• 47:42Bobby Lee?

  She's like a little Larry King, I love it.

• 47:45Bobby Lee?

  Which position? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 47:46Speaker 03

  I'm a little bit of a centrist, but I lean right. Anyway, no, as a joke. I don't know why I thought that would hit land on her. She would be like, oh, oh, good, I get it. So you do like Rogan, but not average.

• 47:58Bobby Lee?

  Vance fan.

• 47:59Speaker 03

  He's a JD Vance fan.

• 48:00Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, she loves JD, and Mike Geitz.

• 48:03Speaker 03

  I sit on a, so the, the problem really is my stomach. So I sit.

• 48:08Bobby Lee?

  Say that again?

• 48:08Speaker 03

  The problem really is my stomach.

• 48:10Bobby Lee?

  And what do we say in a sitcom? No shit!

• 48:15Speaker 03

  But seeing my dick, seeing my dick and my balls shaved, I get really lost on the balls. I can see all the top up here, but getting around the corner is pretty tough.

• 48:25Bobby Lee?

  Well, you have a wife.

• 48:25Speaker 03

  I know, no, she won't do it.

• 48:27Bobby Lee?

  Why?

• 48:27Speaker 03

  She said it's too much business down there.

• 48:29Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 48:29Speaker 03

  And she's like, I don't trust myself.

• 48:30Bobby Lee?

  Do you, do you know I saw it, right?

• 48:32Speaker 03

  Well, yeah.

• 48:33Bobby Lee?

  Your butthole and your, all that?

• 48:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know.

• 48:36Bobby Lee?

  I gave you an enema.

• 48:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know.

• 48:37Bobby Lee?

  I stuck something in your butthole.

• 48:39Speaker 03

  Right, I was there, it was my butthole. I, I accepted it. I said, I said, oh, Amazon guy's here, let him in, and then.

• 48:47Bobby Lee?

  Oh, right, that's what you did?

• 48:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, I didn't go, no, no, no, wrong address.

• 48:50Bobby Lee?

  Right, right, right, okay.

• 48:50Speaker 03

  Bobby, uh, yeah, and.

• 48:52Bobby Lee?

  I was laughing so hard, by the way.

• 48:54Speaker 03

  So yesterday, I shaved my balls outside, on the deck, and I, no, not with a razor, and I do not use a razor, I use, I use Manscaped. Manscaped, you don't get.

• 49:03Bobby Lee?

  It's one of the best products.

• 49:04Speaker 03

  It really is, and this, I'm not even fucking around.

• 49:06Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, me too.

• 49:07Speaker 03

  For shaving your balls and your asshole, man, you cannot beat Manscaped. But then I go to, and I realize, I'm just shaving here, and then I'm leaving the, the problem area is my asshole, so.

• 49:16Bobby Lee?

  Okay. Can I ask you a quick question?

• 49:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:20Bobby Lee?

  Who wants to see your butthole?

• 49:21Speaker 03

  No, it's not about seeing about it, it's about

• 49:23Bobby Lee?

  It's not on my wish list.

• 49:24Speaker 03

  It's about it tying into a knot. My ass hairs are tying into a knot when I run.

• 49:29Bobby Lee?

  That's insane.

• 49:29Speaker 03

  That's great, yeah.

• 49:30Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 49:30Speaker 03

  Are you being, oh, you guys are hairless?

• 49:33Bobby Lee?

  We're evolved. I like to say that.

• 49:34Speaker 03

  No, you guys, hold on. White people, okay, this is gonna come out wrong.

• 49:39Bobby Lee?

  I love it.

• 49:40Speaker 03

  You guys were around before we were.

• 49:44Bobby Lee?

  Oh, you're going, but, history now.

• 49:45Speaker 03

  Yeah. Yeah. We're less evolved.

• 49:47Bobby Lee?

  I think the oldest bone they've ever found was in Africa.

• 49:50Speaker 03

  What do you think, hang on, in history, what do you think's been around longer? That or that? There's no way that could have lasted as long as you guys did.

• 49:57Bobby Lee?

  But I feel like you're saying, we're the new kind.

• 50:00Speaker 03

  No, we're not, no.

• 50:01Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, like, we're the most, like-

• 50:02Speaker 03

  Oh, you are saying-

• 50:04Bobby Lee?

  We're the- Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's saying-

• 50:06Speaker 03

  Shut up with those fucking eyes! Those were, those were- We're a manscape, manscape people, no.

• 50:10Bobby Lee?

  We're the iPhone 15 or whatever, right? You guys are iPhone 4s.

• 50:13Speaker 03

  We're less-

• 50:14Bobby Lee?

  That's what he's saying, and it's aggressive, and it's fucking, you know, bullshit.

• 50:17Speaker 03

  You're taking this compliment opposite. I'm saying-

• 50:20Bobby Lee?

  What are you saying?

• 50:20Speaker 03

  You guys created the iPhone.

• 50:22Bobby Lee?

  No, that's not what you're saying. I'll tell you what you're saying.

• 50:24Speaker 03

  We're still flip phones.

• 50:26Bobby Lee?

  No, no, that's not what you're saying.

• 50:27Speaker 03

  White people-

• 50:27Bobby Lee?

  You're the new phone.

• 50:28Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 50:29Bobby Lee?

  Did you come later?

• 50:31Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 50:31Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 50:32Speaker 03

  No, but not-

• 50:32Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, did you come later, dude?

• 50:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, we did.

• 50:35Bobby Lee?

  And so what you're saying is-

• 50:36Speaker 03

  We were waiting on the other side of the map.

• 50:37Bobby Lee?

  We're the most evolved, we're the latest version of whatever.

• 50:40Speaker 03

  No, you're misinterpreting my compliment.

• 50:42Bobby Lee?

  Okay, anyway, keep going.

• 50:43Speaker 03

  You guys are hairless. Do you have butthole, hair butts, butthairs?

• 50:46Bobby Lee?

  Can I show you my stuff?

• 50:48Speaker 03

  I'd love to see your asshole.

• 50:49Bobby Lee?

  Close your eyes.

• 50:50Speaker 03

  Face, yeah, face that way.

• 50:52Bobby Lee?

  Can you blur this out? Honestly.

• 50:53Speaker 03

  Well, open up from the back. How close are we getting? How close are we getting? Let me get my glasses, I'm nearsighted, so back up a little bit.

• 51:00Bobby Lee?

  Okay, okay, okay.

• 51:00Speaker 03

  Are you showing your butthole or your balls for the audience? Okay, hang on. Is there hair on them?

• 51:05Bobby Lee?

  No, you can't see that.

• 51:06Speaker 03

  No, no, no, no, no, but do you shave them or there's just naturally hair? Nope. Dude, you have no hair on your balls!

• 51:10Bobby Lee?

  No, look at, get in there.

• 51:13Speaker 03

  Hold on! I have hair on my balls.

• 51:17Bobby Lee?

  I'm more talented.

• 51:18Speaker 03

  Wait, hold on. That's- That is all, that is all natural.

• 51:24Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. I have, I'm hairless. Look at my arms. Touch my arm. How soft.

• 51:30Speaker 03

  That is insane. Okay.

• 51:31Bobby Lee?

  I'm the best.

• 51:32Speaker 03

  So.

• 51:33Bobby Lee?

  And that's not narcissism.

• 51:34Speaker 03

  So I wish I hadn't shaved, I wish I hadn't shaved my butthole to show you an unshaved butthole.

• 51:39Bobby Lee?

  Can I see your butthole?

• 51:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, of course.

• 51:41Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 51:41Speaker 03

  And you'd see an unshaved butthole and you'd be like, what the fuck is that?

• 51:45Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 51:46Speaker 03

  And then it's like, it really is like two fucking chinchillas wrestling. And they just tie a knot.

• 51:51Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 51:52Speaker 03

  And then.

• 51:52Bobby Lee?

  But they're not free now, right?

• 51:53Speaker 03

  No, so yesterday.

• 51:55Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 51:56Speaker 03

  I wanted to go, I'm getting ready for our 5K, god damn it. And so I go to shave my, I was like, I'm gonna shave my butthole.

• 52:03Speaker 03

  And so I go.

• 52:04Bobby Lee?

  Is that internal monologue or you said it out loud?

• 52:06Speaker 03

  I said it to Leanne.

• 52:07Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 52:07Speaker 03

  I was like, I'm shaving my butthole. So I got a mirror, I brought it outside, I put it on the floor, and I squatted over a mirror. And bro, I shaved my butthole perfectly.

• 52:16Bobby Lee?

  Wow. I'll be the judge.

• 52:19Speaker 01

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• 52:53Speaker 00

  Open it up.

• 52:53Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, and we'll blur it out.

• 52:55Speaker 00

  Jill's closing her eyes.

• 52:56Bobby Lee?

  I need to go, I have good eyesight, I'm gonna go farther away.

• 52:58Speaker 06

  No, hang on. No.

• 53:00Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I have good eyesight. I can see from far.

• 53:02Speaker 00

  Also, I could see from far.

• 53:05Speaker 05

  You can't see the TV ever, Bobby. What are you talking about?

• 53:08Bobby Lee?

  I can see from here.

• 53:09Speaker 00

  This is crazy right now.

• 53:11Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, dude, it's hairless. What the fuck?

• 53:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:14Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 53:14Speaker 03

  Dude.

• 53:15Speaker 00

  What'd you think, Bobby?

• 53:15Speaker 03

  This was brought to you by Manscaped.

• 53:17Speaker 00

  What'd you think about?

• 53:18Bobby Lee?

  I saw Chilean Thai soccer player in there.

• 53:22Speaker 03

  But dude, it feels wild. It feels wild to have no hair on your butthole.

• 53:26Bobby Lee?

  Wow, yeah, it feels freeing.

• 53:28Speaker 03

  It's almost like, so then, so then yesterday, I shaved my butthole and I feel like kinda fancy. So, I don't know who the sponsor is. I don't know who the sponsor is, but they sent me five different colored jock straps. Have you ever worn a jock strap?

• 53:42Bobby Lee?

  I live on planet Earth. Yes, I have.

• 53:44Speaker 03

  Wait, when did you wear a jock strap? I need to hear the whole story.

• 53:47Bobby Lee?

  What story? I have some in my drawer.

• 53:49Speaker 03

  Oh, for real?

• 53:50Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. I'm a jock strap guy. Have you, do you keep jock straps?

• 53:55Speaker 03

  Hold on, hold on, hold on.

• 53:56Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 53:57Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, thank you.

• 53:58Speaker 03

  I'm a jock strap guy now.

• 53:59Bobby Lee?

  How do you?

• 53:59Speaker 03

  So, so, yeah, so.

• 54:00Bobby Lee?

  Cause she does my laundry.

• 54:02Speaker 03

  So, the reason I don't wear underwear is cause it's constricting and it makes me feel claustrophobic. That's why I don't wear underwear. Yesterday, I put on a jock strap and I went, hold on. All the business is taken care of, where your dick doesn't hit the zipper and you can walk around all day cause your dick's taken, dick and balls are taken care of, but you don't feel the tightness in your legs the way you do with underwear. And I was like, bro? I went online and I bought nothing but jock straps. I bought so many pairs of jock straps.

• 54:28Bobby Lee?

  How much money did you spend?

• 54:30Speaker 03

  Oh, they're pretty cheap. They're like six dollars for fucking seven.

• 54:33Bobby Lee?

  You spent 20 grand?

• 54:34Speaker 03

  I'll tell you exactly how much I spent. That's all my Amazon. I'll show them to you.

• 54:37Bobby Lee?

  All right, show, while you look that up, I wanna make a little observation if y'all may.

• 54:40Speaker 03

  Please.

• 54:40Bobby Lee?

  Okay. If you took the trees out of Australia.

• 54:45Speaker 03

  Whoa.

• 54:45Bobby Lee?

  Just hear my, just hear.

• 54:46Speaker 03

  I'm camp going, I can't do both. I can't go to look at my jock straps. And here a sentence that starts with, if you took all the trees out of Australia.

• 54:53Bobby Lee?

  Just hear my, where do the koalas go? Right? So, what I'm saying is, where do your dingleberries go?

• 55:00Speaker 03

  Hold on.

• 55:02Bobby Lee?

  Because everyone gets dingleberries, little tiny round pieces of poo, and they cling on to your butt hairs.

• 55:06Speaker 03

  Wait, but you don't have butt hairs. Hang on, they, yeah, they cling on to your butt hairs?

• 55:10Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 55:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's what happens is a little piece of hair, a little piece of paper gets wrapped up in a butt hair.

• 55:15Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 55:15Speaker 03

  And then it, and then the piece of paper looks at the butt hair across and goes, "Hey, swing over here." And then the hair from the other side goes, "Oh, look at him." And then they hold on and they tie it up.

• 55:25Bobby Lee?

  They're not holding on. They're going, "Ohm."

• 55:28Speaker 03

  Home.

• 55:29Bobby Lee?

  And then you took their home away. Now where are they?

• 55:32Speaker 03

  They don't.

• 55:32Bobby Lee?

  They're in that dark cave.

• 55:33Speaker 03

  I gotta be honest with you. I'm, I'm, I use, uh, I use the Tushy 2.0.

• 55:38Bobby Lee?

  I have to, well, no, I have a higher.

• 55:40Speaker 03

  I crank it.

• 55:41Bobby Lee?

  Do we have Tushy as an ad still? Not right now. Yeah, so I have a higher one. I have a Japanese one, I have a Japanese.

• 55:46Speaker 03

  You guys created them.

• 55:47Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 55:48Speaker 03

  Uh, but, uh, so.

• 55:48Bobby Lee?

  Lifesaver.

• 55:49Speaker 03

  I'm hands free, baby.

• 55:50Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 55:50Speaker 03

  I'm hands free.

• 55:51Bobby Lee?

  It was remarkably clear, though. For me, if I think, if I see your photo anyway, I go, that's a murky butthole.

• 55:57Speaker 03

  My, my butthole's pretty clean.

• 55:58Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 55:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:59Bobby Lee?

  Has it always been?

• 56:00Speaker 03

  No, no, no, no, no.

• 56:01Bobby Lee?

  Exactly.

• 56:02Speaker 03

  Oh, no.

• 56:03Bobby Lee?

  Exactly.

• 56:03Speaker 03

  So I, so I've ordered a bunch of pair of jock straps and, and Leanne said, she, Leanne said, maybe you'd like thongs.

• 56:13Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 56:13Speaker 03

  So I bought some thongs.

• 56:15Bobby Lee?

  I love, I, I, I wanna say something really real right now, and it's not comedic, um. She is, your wife is everything to me. She, she sent, I know it's not coming from you. I get gifts, what's that?

• 56:32Speaker 03

  These are the underwears.

• 56:33Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I don't need to fucking look at what you bought, dude. Just buy, wear them and then show me at the club, dude. Yeah, yeah, it's fucking crazy. I'm not gonna buy any.

• 56:42Speaker 03

  I want, I want everyone to process that sentence and see if you would deliver that sentence the same way. I don't need to look at a picture of your underwear, just show them to me later at the club.

• 56:53Bobby Lee?

  And what was wrong with that? I, I'm saying, I mean, I laughed, I don't know why you let us laugh, because everyone else is laughing, but.

• 56:57Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 56:57Bobby Lee?

  Tell me why. Gilbert, make, explain it to me.

• 57:00Speaker 00

  I think you can just see it right now in a photo, but you wanna see it in the flesh at another location.

• 57:04Bobby Lee?

  Oh, do you know why? Can I tell you why?

• 57:05Speaker 00

  Why?

• 57:06Bobby Lee?

  Let me ask you a question, okay? Uh, would Neil Brennan look differently in a wrestling singlet than, uh, Ralphie May?

• 57:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 57:15Speaker 00

  You're, you stand corrected.

• 57:16Bobby Lee?

  Thank you so much.

• 57:17Speaker 03

  Whoa, wow, whoa.

• 57:18Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 57:18Speaker 03

  I gotta, okay, I gotta say that right now, Bobby's dropping bombs, and I think it's a mis, it's a misstep. If we don't have Bobby, start his song, if Australia had no trees, where would all the koalas be?

• 57:30Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 57:31Speaker 03

  So let's play it.

• 57:32Bobby Lee?

  I, I, what, I don't know, man.

• 57:33Speaker 03

  So you just.

• 57:33Speaker 00

  Can I give you a warm up song really quick?

• 57:35Bobby Lee?

  No, no.

• 57:35Speaker 00

  I had ChatGPT write a song about you guys with, to Imagine. Could you try to just play Imagine and just?

• 57:40Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 57:41Bobby Lee?

  Oh, okay. I can't read and play at the same time. Well, Burke can sing.

• 57:46Speaker 03

  I can sing.

• 57:47Bobby Lee?

  Yep, but and how about we do this, okay?

• 57:50Speaker 03

  All right, here we go.

• 57:50Bobby Lee?

  All right, ready?

• 57:51Speaker 03

  I'll start it. I'll take us through our verse two.

• 57:53Bobby Lee?

  So I'm gonna do one round and then you start the singing.

• 57:57Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 57:57Bobby Lee?

  All right, so here we go.

• 58:03Bobby Lee?

  The song is called Imagine Bobby. Okay, we'll go one more. That was your window, but okay.

• 58:10Bobby Lee?

  I'll slow it down.

• 58:12Speaker 03

  Imagine Bobby's naked.

• 58:18Speaker 03

  Rolling on the floor.

• 58:22Bobby Lee?

  Jules?

• 58:25Speaker 04

  Telling us his trauma. Like we ate her.

• 58:30Bobby Lee?

  It's Yoko. It's definitely Yoko. You're doing Yoko.

• 58:37Bobby Lee?

  She went Japanese. Yeah, you're doing Japanese, but um.

• 58:40Speaker 03

  Wait, what do you hear when you sing?

• 58:42Bobby Lee?

  She can.

• 58:43Speaker 03

  Like, do you, do you, do you?

• 58:44Speaker 04

  No, I'm, I'm, I can't sing. I'm tone deaf. I'm.

• 58:47Speaker 03

  No, no, we know that. We're asking.

• 58:50Bobby Lee?

  Everyone knows that by now.

• 58:51Speaker 03

  When you sing, what do you hear? Do you hear, does your brain go, that's it, we got it?

• 58:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 58:56Bobby Lee?

  Really?

• 58:56Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 58:57Bobby Lee?

  Oh, really?

• 58:58Speaker 03

  I just wanna, let's start at the beginning. Can you do the alphabet song? A, B, C.

• 59:02Speaker 04

  A, B, C, D, E, F, G.

• 59:06Speaker 03

  There you go. Okay, okay. So now do that for Imagine Bobby. Imagine, like, imagine Bobby naked. Okay, watch my hand, okay? Ready? Ready, go.

• 59:16Bobby Lee?

  What are you, Strasberg? What is going on here, dude?

• 59:18Speaker 04

  Imagine Bobby.

• 59:20Speaker 03

  No, no. You go right to Frankenstein, like.

• 59:23Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I know, I know.

• 59:24Speaker 03

  Imagine.

• 59:26Bobby Lee?

  And she goes right to Frankenstein.

• 59:28Speaker 03

  And by the way, what's so crazy is that you're, you don't, you're not ugly.

• 59:33Bobby Lee?

  Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

• 59:36Speaker 03

  Like, no, but your voice is so ugly, like.

• 59:39Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, it's an ugly voice.

• 59:40Speaker 03

  It's not, it just doesn't connect with you.

• 59:42Bobby Lee?

  I know, but.

• 59:42Speaker 03

  Like, I've never seen someone that's like, all of a sudden, like, if you can't dance and you're like, but you're hot, like.

• 59:48Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, exactly. Okay. Let me sing you the line and try, one.

• 59:52Speaker 03

  Here, do you wanna try vodka?

• 59:54Bobby Lee?

  Imagine there's no heaven. You say that again. Right there was it.

• 1:00:02Speaker 04

  Imagine there's no.

• 1:00:04Bobby Lee?

  Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, look at me.

• 1:00:08Speaker 04

  Uh.

• 1:00:09Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, tone deaf. Yeah, tone deaf. You're a broken Filipino.

• 1:00:12Speaker 03

  All right, here we go, here we go.

• 1:00:14Bobby Lee?

  These Filipinos killing. Filipino? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're, they're broken ones. Yeah, we're exposing your people, dude. You have me? Cause when it goes wrong, it goes wrong. There's probably a boxer Filipino that does this.

• 1:00:28Bobby Lee?

  All right, all right, here's what we do. Here's what we do, okay?

• 1:00:32Bobby Lee?

  Why don't you do the whole song?

• 1:00:33Speaker 03

  Okay, I'll do the whole song.

• 1:00:34Bobby Lee?

  Up into a point.

• 1:00:35Speaker 03

  And by the way, I'll also, I'm gonna punch it up.

• 1:00:38Bobby Lee?

  Oh, you're gonna, you're gonna be, you're better than Chat GPT?

• 1:00:41Speaker 03

  I think I am.

• 1:00:42Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 1:00:43Speaker 03

  I have to be better than Chat GPT.

• 1:00:45Bobby Lee?

  All right.

• 1:00:45Speaker 03

  Right, hold on, hang on. Are we not as good as Chat GPT?

• 1:00:49Bobby Lee?

  We'll find out. I'm gonna sing the second, you do first two, I do two, and then you do two. Let's go two, two, two.

• 1:00:55Speaker 03

  Two, two, two.

• 1:00:55Bobby Lee?

  Okay, ready?

• 1:01:03Bobby Lee?

  Just go now.

• 1:01:06Bobby Lee?

  One second before. He waits too long, dude. Just start here. Yeah, he waits too long, right? I don't wanna do four fucking, ready? Do it one more time.

• 1:01:17Bobby Lee?

  Go now.

• 1:01:19Speaker 03

  You're like Liam Gallagher and his brother.

• 1:01:21Bobby Lee?

  I know.

• 1:01:21Speaker 03

  Sing the fucking song.

• 1:01:22Bobby Lee?

  I'm like Oasis, I am very old. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

• 1:01:33Speaker 03

  Imagine Bobby naked.

• 1:01:40Speaker 03

  Rolling on the floor.

• 1:01:46Bobby Lee?

  Telling, I get this.

• 1:01:47Speaker 03

  I'm trying, I'm trying, hold on, goddammit, Bobby.

• 1:01:51Bobby Lee?

  What happened?

• 1:01:52Speaker 03

  I'm trying to better.

• 1:01:53Bobby Lee?

  Later, later!

• 1:01:54Speaker 03

  What, later?

• 1:01:55Bobby Lee?

  I don't get my lines.

• 1:01:57Speaker 03

  Wait, no, no, Bobby, this is about, I'm singing about you. You don't sing about Bobby, I sing about Bobby.

• 1:02:03Bobby Lee?

  Oh, so I went, imagine bird is shirtless as me?

• 1:02:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, and then, and then here.

• 1:02:06Bobby Lee?

  Together, you guys sing this.

• 1:02:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Imagine Bert.

• 1:02:10Bobby Lee?

  I don't know. I don't know. You know, you sing the whole thing.

• 1:02:12Speaker 03

  Bobby, no one goes.

• 1:02:13Bobby Lee?

  I don't like your attitude. That's narcissism behavior. All right, so here we go. It's all about you. You can sing the song. You're the lead singer, okay?

• 1:02:20Speaker 03

  No, no, no, no.

• 1:02:20Bobby Lee?

  I'm tambourine guy.

• 1:02:22Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:02:22Bobby Lee?

  Fuck you, dude.

• 1:02:23Speaker 03

  No one sings the song.

• 1:02:25Bobby Lee?

  If we had you in a band, it would be no band.

• 1:02:27Speaker 03

  Bobby, Bruce Springsteen didn't sing Born in the USA about another guy. He's singing about himself, right? You don't say like, she broke my heart, and then all of a sudden you turn into her. I sing about Bobby, you sing about Bert.

• 1:02:41Bobby Lee?

  Okay, okay, okay, okay.

• 1:02:41Speaker 03

  I can't believe. Chorus together. And then the chorus together.

• 1:02:50Bobby Lee?

  I'm just rehearsing.

• 1:02:51Speaker 03

  We're doing it.

• 1:02:52Bobby Lee?

  No, wait.

• 1:03:00Bobby Lee?

  Okay, let's start from the beginning. Start from the beginning. I just need to practice.

• 1:03:03Speaker 03

  All right, I'm going just chat GPT. I'm not gonna try.

• 1:03:05Bobby Lee?

  But let me get this straight. When verse two happens, I sing.

• 1:03:11Bobby Lee?

  I don't want to do this again, okay? Let me get this straight. If you interrupt, the podcast's over. I can't do it. I've had my up to here, okay? Ready? I'm warning you, guy.

• 1:03:23Speaker 03

  What did you just say? I had my pot up to here?

• 1:03:25Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I had pot. Ready?

• 1:03:30Speaker 03

  Hang on, I think what happens.

• 1:03:32Bobby Lee?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:03:32Speaker 03

  No, no, no, hold on, hold on, hold on. I think we do, I do verse one, you do verse two, and then all three of us harmonize. Chorus. The chorus.

• 1:03:43Bobby Lee?

  You go imagine, I go rolling, you go telling, I say like. Right?

• 1:03:48Speaker 03

  He just switched it up.

• 1:03:49Bobby Lee?

  Is that what you mean? I don't know what you.

• 1:03:50Speaker 03

  No, no, no, no. I do verse one, you do verse two, and then the chorus, we harmonize since we all. But we've got to get to her harmony.

• 1:03:59Speaker 03

  Okay? So Bobby, so, and when you harmonize. We got to match her voice.

• 1:04:04Bobby Lee?

  You may say that they need clothing.

• 1:04:09Speaker 03

  And then we'll match you, okay? You may say-

• 1:04:13Speaker 06

  Okay, we got it. We got the, her assault.

• 1:04:15Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:04:16Speaker 06

  This is the one last time we try, okay? Whatever, we're gonna power through this.

• 1:04:20Speaker 03

  Let's do it, we got this.

• 1:04:21Speaker 06

  I feel like-

• 1:04:22Speaker 03

  And we're going beginning to end.

• 1:04:24Speaker 06

  Beginning to end!

• 1:04:25Speaker 03

  If you see the name Burt, you sing. If I see the name Bobby, I sing.

• 1:04:28Speaker 06

  I have to do two things at once! I can't do it!

• 1:04:31Speaker 03

  And every chorus, you do every chorus.

• 1:04:33Bobby Lee?

  Verse three Bobby, verse three is you. Look, imagine Burt.

• 1:04:35Speaker 06

  Okay. Alright, alright, let's try it, let's try it. Alright? Bend and the beginning.

• 1:04:39Speaker 03

  Ohhh, I need to vocal. Ohhh, hey!

• 1:04:44Speaker 06

  Red leather, red leather.

• 1:04:45Speaker 03

  Imagine Bobby-

• 1:04:46Speaker 06

  Alright, alright, alright.

• 1:04:47Speaker 03

  And, here we go.

• 1:04:48Bobby Lee?

  Sell it.

• 1:04:57Speaker 03

  Imagine Bobby naked.

• 1:05:03Speaker 03

  Rolling on the floor.

• 1:05:09Speaker 03

  Telling us his trauma.

• 1:05:16Speaker 03

  Like we ain't heard before.

• 1:05:19Speaker 06

  I know.

• 1:05:22Speaker 06

  Imagine Burt is shirtless.

• 1:05:27Speaker 06

  That's just his default.

• 1:05:32Speaker 03

  Woo-hoo!

• 1:05:35Speaker 03

  You may say they need clothing.

• 1:05:37Speaker 06

  Well, they call clothing.

• 1:05:40Bobby Lee?

  But-

• 1:05:40Speaker 03

  They'll never-

• 1:05:41Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

• 1:05:42Speaker 03

  Wear a shirt.

• 1:05:43Speaker 06

  But they'll-

• 1:05:44Speaker 03

  Never wear a shirt.

• 1:05:48Speaker 06

  Oh, fuck it!

• 1:05:48Speaker 03

  Here we go!

• 1:05:49Speaker 06

  I could have heard!

• 1:05:50Speaker 03

  Don't spread a thin mist.

• 1:05:52Speaker 06

  Hold on, I didn't know where I'm at.

• 1:05:54Speaker 03

  Leather's drunk in Burt.

• 1:05:57Speaker 06

  Oh, okay, and, wait, wait, hold on.

• 1:05:59Speaker 03

  Okay, here we go.

• 1:06:00Speaker 06

  Imagine Burt, wait. Imagine Burt, oh, fuck. Imagine Burt is sweating.

• 1:06:11Speaker 06

  Have naked on a plane.

• 1:06:17Bobby Lee?

  Yelling about Russians.

• 1:06:23Bobby Lee?

  And slurring through his champagne.

• 1:06:27Speaker 03

  You know, Bert?

• 1:06:29Speaker 03

  Imagine Bobby Mooney.

• 1:06:35Speaker 03

  Every guest who stops by.

• 1:06:42Speaker 03

  You may say it's disturbing.

• 1:06:48Speaker 03

  But I swear it's kinda great.

• 1:06:54Speaker 03

  If you don't like naked chaos.

• 1:07:00Speaker 03

  Then my dude, you're just no fun made.

• 1:07:06Bobby Lee?

  That was pretty good.

• 1:07:08Speaker 03

  I think, I gotta be honest with you, you really added to it.

• 1:07:10Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I have to be honest with you, we're never gonna do that again.

• 1:07:12Speaker 03

  That was really great.

• 1:07:13Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:07:14Speaker 03

  Do a one about civil rights movement. Chat GPT. Civil rights movement. Imagine about the civil rights movement.

• 1:07:20Bobby Lee?

  Why?

• 1:07:21Speaker 03

  I don't know. Do one about-

• 1:07:22Bobby Lee?

  Well, you have to do it as black people, then.

• 1:07:24Speaker 03

  Never mind, don't do it.

• 1:07:27Speaker 03

  Do one about Jeffrey Epstein.

• 1:07:29Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:07:29Speaker 03

  Set to imagine-

• 1:07:30Bobby Lee?

  How about this? Stephen Hawking. We can do Stephen Hawking.

• 1:07:34Speaker 03

  Oh, do Anne Frank. Pete, have you seen his Anne Frank song?

• 1:07:37Bobby Lee?

  No, I'm not doing the Anne Frank song again, Pete, okay?

• 1:07:42Bobby Lee?

  But Pete, um, I have to say, your staff. Every one of them. I love them so much.

• 1:07:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, I do too.

• 1:07:48Bobby Lee?

  Pete, are you seeing anybody on the staff there?

• 1:07:51Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:07:51Bobby Lee?

  All right, who do you see, Pete?

• 1:07:53Speaker 03

  I don't see anybody right now.

• 1:07:54Bobby Lee?

  Very handsome.

• 1:07:54Speaker 03

  Are you really not seeing anyone? He's, he's kinda, uh, he's kind of a... He's a, he's a, uh, a bonefish. Bonefish are hard, hard to catch, but once you catch them, they're fun to reel in.

• 1:08:07Bobby Lee?

  Really?

• 1:08:07Speaker 03

  He's a bonefish.

• 1:08:10Speaker 03

  Pete? Okay.

• 1:08:24Speaker 03

  When the time is open, times of trouble, Pete walks away from me, saying, "Do it yourself, fatso, let me be."

• 1:08:36Bobby Lee?

  Wow, on the spot too. We're not doing it anymore.

• 1:08:39Speaker 03

  Okay, do another one.

• 1:08:40Bobby Lee?

  No, I don't want to do anymore.

• 1:08:41Speaker 03

  Let's do one of-

• 1:08:42Bobby Lee?

  I don't have a lot of, like, lending the, I can make one up, but I-

• 1:08:45Speaker 03

  Do ones you learned in, uh, Korean class.

• 1:08:49Speaker 03

  Like, uh, like, uh, okay, ready? I'll do this part.

• 1:08:53Bobby Lee?

  Oh, oh, oh, wait.

• 1:08:55Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:08:55Bobby Lee?

  Forget it. Uh, no, we're not doing any of that.

• 1:08:57Speaker 03

  This is pretty great that you can play piano.

• 1:08:59Bobby Lee?

  I, I would want to do a comedy band. Can you play anything?

• 1:09:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, guitar. If you have a guitar, I'll bang one out.

• 1:09:04Bobby Lee?

  Do you think we should write a song?

• 1:09:06Speaker 03

  We should.

• 1:09:06Bobby Lee?

  A single for the fires?

• 1:09:11Speaker 03

  No. No. We have too many people that work with us that lost their houses.

• 1:09:16Bobby Lee?

  No, yeah-

• 1:09:16Speaker 03

  We would get calls immediately from UTA and CAA going, "Yo, bro, take that down."

• 1:09:21Bobby Lee?

  No, no, no. First of all, I'm not, it's not a, it's not gonna be called Great Balls of Fire. We're gonna do a random song and all the proceeds go to the fire victim.

• 1:09:28Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:09:29Bobby Lee?

  Jesus Christ, where's your mind at, guy?

• 1:09:31Speaker 03

  I don't, I can't imagine that we're gonna be, make a serious song.

• 1:09:34Bobby Lee?

  Well, okay, I know, but it's like, we, we, I, I gotta go soon, but, um, I'm so sorry.

• 1:09:38Speaker 03

  It's getting hot in here.

• 1:09:39Bobby Lee?

  I'm so sorry, but, um, um, my friend's gonna pick me up in 10 minutes and we did a very long time. Jean Hong, he's a producer, he's very talented. Anyway, um-

• 1:09:47Speaker 05

  You wanna try calling Ari back again?

• 1:09:49Bobby Lee?

  He didn't call us back. Jean Hong is a, um, my best friend. Him and Dumfounded are very close to me. And also Andrea Jin. And, um, we all hang out and I, I've been hanging out with a lot of Asians lately.

• 1:10:03Speaker 03

  For real?

• 1:10:05Speaker 03

  I've been hang, I always hang out with Asians.

• 1:10:07Bobby Lee?

  I've never seen you hang out with a single Asian. Let me ask you a question.

• 1:10:12Speaker 03

  Shoot.

• 1:10:13Bobby Lee?

  How many Asians were in your tour, ever?

• 1:10:15Speaker 03

  I have one.

• 1:10:16Bobby Lee?

  What's his name?

• 1:10:17Speaker 03

  Bobby Lee.

• 1:10:18Bobby Lee?

  Exactly. That's not a variety.

• 1:10:19Speaker 03

  Pete, do you have any more Asians? I got a couple blacks and a Mexican.

• 1:10:23Speaker 07

  We were hanging out with Sandy this morning.

• 1:10:24Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, I was with an Asian. What, hey Siri, pull up a picture of an Asian on my phone. Guarantee I know this person. Oh shit, it just pulled the camera on and it's on you.

• 1:10:36Bobby Lee?

  That's really good.

• 1:10:37Speaker 03

  It's a series quick.

• 1:10:39Bobby Lee?

  But you know what, what I loved about your shows, because we would do big gigantic theaters, right? And open air amphitheaters.

• 1:10:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:10:47Bobby Lee?

  Thousands of people.

• 1:10:48Speaker 03

  Do you want that in life?

• 1:10:50Bobby Lee?

  Don't want that in life.

• 1:10:51Speaker 03

  Would you, would you, would you ever want to do an arena tour?

• 1:10:54Speaker 00

  If you Google Burt Kreischer with Asians, it's just photo of you and Kyla with him.

• 1:10:58Speaker 03

  Are you serious?

• 1:10:59Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:10:59Speaker 00

  Just Bobby Kyla.

• 1:11:02Speaker 00

  You type in Burt Kreischer with Asians.

• 1:11:04Bobby Lee?

  Oh, there's another one, no, that's not me. Who is that?

• 1:11:07Speaker 03

  That's Oliver Stone.

• 1:11:12Bobby Lee?

  Oh my god, that's so funny.

• 1:11:13Speaker 03

  Hey, type in Burt Kreischer with black people. It's just Donnell.

• 1:11:16Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:17Speaker 03

  Alright, get me out of here. I don't Google myself for a reason.

• 1:11:21Bobby Lee?

  Did I hurt your feelings?

• 1:11:22Speaker 03

  I know, I just, I read something, I'm dyslexic, so no matter what anyone writes about me, I misread it. And so I immediately, I get my feelings hurt, so I don't read anything about myself.

• 1:11:31Bobby Lee?

  Me and my friend Andrew Santino, you know him?

• 1:11:33Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:11:33Bobby Lee?

  How do you feel about him? Okay. But we have an animated show.

• 1:11:39Speaker 03

  I heard, I heard you guys were doing a-

• 1:11:41Bobby Lee?

  Would you do some voices?

• 1:11:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:11:43Bobby Lee?

  Really?

• 1:11:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:11:44Bobby Lee?

  Because we'll call you, if you turn us down, it'll be a divide.

• 1:11:47Speaker 03

  Can I ask you a question?

• 1:11:48Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:49Speaker 03

  I'll, I'll tell you what, I'm in 100%. Can I ask you a question? I was thinking about this the other day, I was in Spain, and I was listening to people laugh. And I realized, different cultures laugh differently.

• 1:11:59Bobby Lee?

  Oh, here we go.

• 1:12:01Speaker 03

  Hold on.

• 1:12:01Bobby Lee?

  Do my laugh then.

• 1:12:02Speaker 03

  No, I'm asking you, I'm not telling you, I'm not gonna go, hey, watch this, this is racist.

• 1:12:06Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 1:12:07Speaker 03

  I'm gonna go like, like, like, we all know that like, black people laugh better than white people, right?

• 1:12:13Bobby Lee?

  Yes.

• 1:12:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's louder, it's more engaged. I would say Asian probably laugh a little quieter than black people?

• 1:12:20Bobby Lee?

  It depends on where you are, but yeah.

• 1:12:22Speaker 03

  Okay, show me, like, what I want to, what I was gonna do is give you a country, and I want to see you give me their stereotypical laugh of what you think it is.

• 1:12:29Bobby Lee?

  I just know way to do that.

• 1:12:30Speaker 03

  Give me one. Say Germany.

• 1:12:32Bobby Lee?

  I don't want to say Germany.

• 1:12:33Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:12:33Bobby Lee?

  Because you already have one prepared.

• 1:12:34Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:12:35Bobby Lee?

  Portugal.

• 1:12:35Speaker 03

  Portugal?

• 1:12:39Bobby Lee?

  Very good. Or give me one, I know I don't play this.

• 1:12:41Speaker 03

  Stockholm, Sweden.

• 1:12:44Bobby Lee?

  What?

• 1:12:45Speaker 03

  No, no.

• 1:12:46Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:12:46Speaker 03

  Have you ever been to Stockholm?

• 1:12:48Bobby Lee?

  I'm just doing my.

• 1:12:49Speaker 03

  I'll give you Stockholm. Get ready, ready?

• 1:12:51Bobby Lee?

  We'll do yours.

• 1:12:51Speaker 03

  You say, you say something funny, I'll be Stockholm-ish.

• 1:12:54Bobby Lee?

  Right. Oh, so the Jew and the black guy walk into a bar. Bar turns and says, we don't have people that serve with you. We don't, get out.

• 1:13:02Speaker 03

  Oh, okay. That's very funny. That's very funny. I get it. It makes sense.

• 1:13:06Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:06Speaker 03

  In math, it's, it's good. It's good.

• 1:13:08Bobby Lee?

  They don't laugh, you're saying?

• 1:13:09Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 1:13:10Bobby Lee?

  Wow, that's incredible.

• 1:13:12Speaker 03

  And, and like when you go to?

• 1:13:13Bobby Lee?

  Nigeria. Let's go Nigeria.

• 1:13:14Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:13:14Bobby Lee?

  You know what I mean?

• 1:13:15Speaker 03

  Nigeria.

• 1:13:16Bobby Lee?

  My friend.

• 1:13:19Speaker 03

  Oh, oh, oh.

• 1:13:21Bobby Lee?

  Oh, very.

• 1:13:21Speaker 03

  That's a good one.

• 1:13:22Bobby Lee?

  I, that's from fucking, um, Coming to America.

• 1:13:25Speaker 03

  Yeah. Oh, oh, oh. She was sucking his dick. That's a good one.

• 1:13:30Bobby Lee?

  That's so good.

• 1:13:31Speaker 03

  My friend.

• 1:13:32Bobby Lee?

  Do China.

• 1:13:33Speaker 03

  Uh.

• 1:13:35Bobby Lee?

  That was so cute.

• 1:13:38Speaker 03

  That's like.

• 1:13:38Bobby Lee?

  That's Japanese.

• 1:13:39Speaker 03

  Okay, oh, okay, like a, oh.

• 1:13:41Bobby Lee?

  No, they're more. To me, it's more evil, like.

• 1:13:47Bobby Lee?

  Dude, you dumb cowboy, you're poison.

• 1:13:52Speaker 03

  You dumb cowboy, you've been poisoned.

• 1:13:53Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:13:53Speaker 03

  Okay, do North Korean versus South Korean?

• 1:13:56Bobby Lee?

  Oh.

• 1:13:56Speaker 03

  South Korean.

• 1:14:01Speaker 03

  Okay, North Korean.

• 1:14:06Bobby Lee?

  I don't know.

• 1:14:07Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:14:08Bobby Lee?

  So I don't.

• 1:14:08Speaker 03

  What's a Filipino laugh? Give me a stereotypical Filipino laugh.

• 1:14:11Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:12Speaker 03

  Stereotypical.

• 1:14:13Speaker 04

  Uh, I don't know.

• 1:14:14Bobby Lee?

  That's it. That's it. That's how they laugh.

• 1:14:17Speaker 03

  All right, give me a Scottish laugh. Well, uh, you, oh, yeah, the white person.

• 1:14:23Speaker 03

  Sounded like a vampire.

• 1:14:26Bobby Lee?

  He was doing his nostril often. So what I'm saying to you is, when you go to him, you know how sometimes, you're white, right?

• 1:14:33Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:14:35Bobby Lee?

  He's a numbers guy.

• 1:14:38Bobby Lee?

  That's the best way to say it. You know the accountant?

• 1:14:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:14:40Speaker 06

  Oh, this one, great. You're invested in this.

• 1:14:43Speaker 03

  That's great.

• 1:14:43Bobby Lee?

  Right?

• 1:14:44Speaker 05

  I love a good checklist.

• 1:14:44Bobby Lee?

  He's not a creative guy.

• 1:14:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:14:46Bobby Lee?

  Like, let's do an English accent, George.

• 1:14:49Speaker 05

  Oh, jolly good, mate. Of course I do a good English accent. What you talking about?

• 1:14:52Speaker 03

  That's a little Irish with it.

• 1:14:54Bobby Lee?

  It's a little Irish.

• 1:14:54Speaker 03

  I'll take it. It means your mom's Irish, but you have a British.

• 1:14:57Bobby Lee?

  How about a southern guy?

• 1:14:58Speaker 06

  Amen.

• 1:14:59Speaker 05

  Oh, like a Theo Von?

• 1:15:01Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:01Speaker 05

  What you talking about?

• 1:15:03Bobby Lee?

  No.

• 1:15:05Bobby Lee?

  That was closer to.

• 1:15:05Speaker 03

  I'm not even sure Theo's like technically southern accent.

• 1:15:08Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:09Speaker 03

  It's like, it's something else. It's not, like, southern is just subtle.

• 1:15:13Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:13Speaker 03

  Like, and especially southern New Orleans is like, you can barely understand it.

• 1:15:18Bobby Lee?

  Gene, bring Gene in here.

• 1:15:19Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:15:20Speaker 03

  Who's Gene?

• 1:15:21Bobby Lee?

  My friend, the producer.

• 1:15:22Speaker 03

  What did he produce?

• 1:15:23Bobby Lee?

  He's a staff writer on Beef, but he also was the execu- Beef?

• 1:15:27Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 1:15:27Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, he's also the, um, executive producer of the show I did Magnum P I.

• 1:15:31Speaker 03

  What, for real?

• 1:15:32Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, and he is, um, he's just like a great writer.

• 1:15:35Speaker 03

  Really?

• 1:15:35Bobby Lee?

  Oh, he's so talented.

• 1:15:36Speaker 03

  Do a project or you just have?

• 1:15:37Bobby Lee?

  We've done, no, he booked me on, he would write all my Magnum P I episodes.

• 1:15:41Speaker 03

  You were on Magnum P I?

• 1:15:41Bobby Lee?

  I did like 12 of them.

• 1:15:43Speaker 03

  12? They did 12 years of Magnum P I?

• 1:15:45Bobby Lee?

  No, 12 episodes. I was reoccurring.

• 1:15:47Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 1:15:47Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I played Gin. Google Gin.

• 1:15:49Speaker 03

  Google Gin.

• 1:15:50Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:15:51Speaker 03

  All right, Google Gin, and when he comes in, I'm gonna go, this is the guy I fucking do not like. This guy.

• 1:15:57Bobby Lee?

  Character.

• 1:15:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:15:57Bobby Lee?

  This character is the worst, you know what I mean?

• 1:15:59Speaker 03

  Wait, not Gin. Google the fucking, the, your producer friend.

• 1:16:03Bobby Lee?

  Oh, Gene, yeah, yeah. Put Gene Hong out there.

• 1:16:07Speaker 03

  Okay, you ready? Oh, he's good looking.

• 1:16:10Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. Gene Hong, there you go.

• 1:16:11Speaker 03

  Oh, what the fuck? Is he a, is he a producer or an actor? Does that look big enough? Yeah, is he with Post Malone?

• 1:16:16Bobby Lee?

  No, he's, um, the, look at him with, his best friend is Jake, so I've eaten dinner with Jake and him before.

• 1:16:21Speaker 03

  Are you serious?

• 1:16:21Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:22Speaker 03

  Where's he from?

• 1:16:24Bobby Lee?

  He's from Korea. I mean, from Pittsburgh.

• 1:16:28Speaker 05

  He went Korea first?

• 1:16:29Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, he's from Pittsburgh.

• 1:16:31Speaker 03

  Okay, get this off, get this off screen right now. Get this off screen right now. Off screen. Get off the, get this off the screen.

• 1:16:40Speaker 00

  Yeah, so.

• 1:16:41Bobby Lee?

  So anyway.

• 1:16:42Speaker 03

  No, so I was on, I did.

• 1:16:43Bobby Lee?

  We can cut that, I know you're not, we can cut it out, but can you sit down for a second?

• 1:16:48Speaker 07

  Oh my god.

• 1:16:48Bobby Lee?

  What?

• 1:16:50Speaker 07

  Hey, Jules.

• 1:16:52Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, go to Jules' seat.

• 1:16:54Speaker 03

  Why is Jules?

• 1:16:55Bobby Lee?

  I know, I know, I know, I know, you've been talking about it a lot.

• 1:16:58Speaker 07

  You can cut this out, right?

• 1:17:00Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, we can, yeah, yeah. Have you heard of him?

• 1:17:04Speaker 07

  Yeah, we met in Vegas, we went to, we were at, why? Oh, because why? Wait, give me some context.

• 1:17:11Speaker 03

  No, we were gonna do a bit.

• 1:17:15Speaker 03

  Oh, I see, you're trying to kill.

• 1:17:17Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:17:18Speaker 03

  Did you see yourself on the screen? I was like, I was like, it's on the screen, get it off the fucking screen.

• 1:17:22Bobby Lee?

  Oh, the white on the screen? I've never seen a pussy bailer like that.

• 1:17:25Speaker 03

  I did.

• 1:17:25Bobby Lee?

  You should have committed.

• 1:17:26Speaker 03

  I got so nervous.

• 1:17:27Bobby Lee?

  He was gonna do this bit.

• 1:17:28Speaker 03

  I'm not gonna pray.

• 1:17:29Bobby Lee?

  Because he did Community, do you remember him on Community or no?

• 1:17:31Speaker 07

  I was only on one season.

• 1:17:33Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:17:33Bobby Lee?

  Oh, the last season?

• 1:17:34Speaker 07

  No, middle.

• 1:17:36Bobby Lee?

  What happened, you laugh, what else did you do good?

• 1:17:40Speaker 03

  We're talking about, okay, you ready?

• 1:17:41Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:42Speaker 03

  We're gonna give you a nationality, you give us what you think their laugh sounds like.

• 1:17:45Bobby Lee?

  He's not a performer.

• 1:17:46Speaker 03

  No, no, no, no, no, Bobby, why you did, but just.

• 1:17:49Bobby Lee?

  Because he's my friend.

• 1:17:50Speaker 03

  Okay, you ready? Okay, hold on, we're gonna give you examples.

• 1:17:53Speaker 07

  You laugh and then I give the nationality or you?

• 1:17:55Speaker 03

  Yes. No, okay, let's do it that way, let's do it that way, it's better, okay?

• 1:17:57Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:58Speaker 03

  All right.

• 1:17:59Bobby Lee?

  There's no way he's gonna get that.

• 1:18:02Speaker 03

  Hang on, hang on.

• 1:18:04Bobby Lee?

  What? Okay, okay, okay.

• 1:18:05Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:18:10Speaker 03

  Hold on, hold on, I'm gonna, ah, that's a good one.

• 1:18:15Speaker 07

  What, ethnicity?

• 1:18:18Speaker 03

  Nationality, nationality.

• 1:18:20Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I think, um, Down Under.

• 1:18:22Speaker 03

  Oh my god. I am not playing password with Bobby.

• 1:18:26Bobby Lee?

  Okay, okay.

• 1:18:28Speaker 07

  You think that was us showing, you think that?

• 1:18:31Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:18:31Speaker 03

  All right, all right. You give me, you give me Australia.

• 1:18:34Speaker 07

  I can't.

• 1:18:34Speaker 03

  Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. You give me Australia.

• 1:18:37Bobby Lee?

  Bert, would you, hey, would you ever hire him for anything?

• 1:18:39Speaker 03

  Of course.

• 1:18:40Speaker 07

  Like, what, I don't need a job right now.

• 1:18:43Bobby Lee?

  No, no. If you had a job producing something.

• 1:18:45Speaker 03

  He's done everything.

• 1:18:46Bobby Lee?

  And you, and you were, we looked you up and you were casting, would you cast him in anything?

• 1:18:50Speaker 03

  What are you asking, who's hiring who?

• 1:18:52Bobby Lee?

  He's hiring you for a TV job or a film job.

• 1:18:54Speaker 07

  Of course, I would kill to work with this guy.

• 1:18:56Speaker 03

  Oh, wow.

• 1:18:57Bobby Lee?

  Jesus Christ, this is going really good.

• 1:18:58Speaker 07

  That's a. You're in conflict right now, is that, is that what you're doing?

• 1:19:03Bobby Lee?

  No, no, no, no, no. Be honest, right?

• 1:19:05Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:19:05Bobby Lee?

  Who would you cast first between him and I?

• 1:19:07Speaker 07

  Bert.

• 1:19:08Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 1:19:12Speaker 03

  What is, if you had to pitch, okay.

• 1:19:13Bobby Lee?

  Dude.

• 1:19:14Speaker 03

  I love, real pitch.

• 1:19:15Bobby Lee?

  Do you want to watch a movie tonight or not?

• 1:19:16Speaker 03

  If you, if you had to pitch a, a, a TV show.

• 1:19:19Speaker 07

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:19:20Speaker 03

  With Bobby and me as the two leads, what would that be?

• 1:19:23Speaker 07

  It would be an incredible odd couple show.

• 1:19:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:19:26Bobby Lee?

  Yep. Roommates?

• 1:19:28Speaker 07

  The, the problem is, you're, I, I don't know you that well, but you're, but, one needs to be more type A. You're both a little kind of unkempt animals.

• 1:19:36Bobby Lee?

  Right.

• 1:19:36Speaker 07

  You need a little.

• 1:19:37Bobby Lee?

  A recasting.

• 1:19:37Speaker 03

  Ooh, that's why, that's why we work well with Andrew and Tommy.

• 1:19:41Bobby Lee?

  That's right, because they're the same type.

• 1:19:42Speaker 07

  You need the other hot to find.

• 1:19:43Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, we're, we're the, we're the weird ones.

• 1:19:46Speaker 03

  Both of us are, both of us are. Are, in like, in Lethal Weapon, both of us are Murdoch. No, no.

• 1:19:51Speaker 07

  Murtaugh.

• 1:19:51Speaker 03

  Murtaugh.

• 1:19:52Bobby Lee?

  That's, is that the, um, A-Team?

• 1:19:54Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:19:55Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 1:19:57Bobby Lee?

  A-Team, was there a Murdoch on A-? Was there a Murdoch on A-Team?

• 1:20:00Speaker 07

  Murtaugh is Lethal Weapon.

• 1:20:01Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, but there's a Murdoch on A-Team.

• 1:20:02Speaker 07

  Yes.

• 1:20:03Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I know stuff too, TV guy.

• 1:20:06Speaker 07

  So defensive.

• 1:20:07Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I'm not being defensive, I mean, I don't like your arrogance right now, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh, do you think I'm a narcissist, Gene?

• 1:20:13Speaker 07

  Yes.

• 1:20:16Bobby Lee?

  Fuck you, dude, I have empathy for animals, I help people.

• 1:20:19Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:20:19Speaker 03

  Wait.

• 1:20:20Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:20:20Speaker 03

  Animals isn't on there, Bobby.

• 1:20:23Bobby Lee?

  I know, but empathy is.

• 1:20:24Speaker 03

  Everyone's got empathy for animals except for serial killers.

• 1:20:27Bobby Lee?

  Okay, okay, anyway, we're gonna cut that part out.

• 1:20:31Bobby Lee?

  I didn't like that, that, that was throwing me under the bus. What would you consider in your friend group, how high am I up in your friend group?

• 1:20:37Speaker 07

  Oh, you're.

• 1:20:37Bobby Lee?

  Top three.

• 1:20:38Speaker 07

  Top, top tier, yeah.

• 1:20:39Bobby Lee?

  Top tier, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:20:40Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:20:40Bobby Lee?

  I feel the same way about you.

• 1:20:41Speaker 03

  Hey, do you have, do you have, uh, this is gonna come out wrong immediately.

• 1:20:44Bobby Lee?

  We gotta go watch a movie.

• 1:20:45Speaker 03

  Is there, is there like, uh, like, almost like a Asian underground team in Hollywood where you guys text each other and keep in touch?

• 1:20:51Bobby Lee?

  Oh, yeah. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

• 1:20:54Speaker 07

  He's leading me to say yes. I don't know if that's... We have... I have threads that are exclusively Asian. Who, yeah, I guess you could...

• 1:21:03Speaker 03

  So you're saying that you probably do it too?

• 1:21:05Bobby Lee?

  The beef thread.

• 1:21:08Speaker 03

  So wait, can I get someone in your thread?

• 1:21:11Bobby Lee?

  In what? Have penetration or what?

• 1:21:13Speaker 07

  I've never thought that it was an all Asian thread. There just happens to be threads that were all Asian.

• 1:21:18Speaker 03

  And it... But are all on the business?

• 1:21:20Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:21Speaker 03

  And so like a new stuff...

• 1:21:22Bobby Lee?

  What are the odds of that, Gene? That seems like a perfectly constructed idea here. Okay?

• 1:21:28Speaker 03

  No, wait, because I have... I have a buddy who's Asian, who's a very big director.

• 1:21:33Bobby Lee?

  Can I just say something, Gene?

• 1:21:34Speaker 07

  It's not organic.

• 1:21:35Speaker 03

  Oh, no, okay, but I was trying to slide him into your team.

• 1:21:38Speaker 07

  Our team or my team?

• 1:21:40Speaker 03

  Your team, like where you just meet him, have a drink.

• 1:21:42Bobby Lee?

  He probably knows him already.

• 1:21:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, maybe you do.

• 1:21:44Bobby Lee?

  What's his name?

• 1:21:45Speaker 03

  I'm not gonna say it.

• 1:21:45Bobby Lee?

  No, we'll complete it, but we're gonna cut this part out, probably.

• 1:21:48Speaker 07

  Dunno.

• 1:21:49Bobby Lee?

  That doesn't sound like an Asian last name.

• 1:21:51Speaker 03

  Uh, he was adopted by whites.

• 1:21:53Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, Bjorn Ferguson.

• 1:21:54Speaker 03

  I don't know if you've heard of the Vietnam War?

• 1:21:56Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I've heard of the Viet... I know more about the Vietnam War than you do.

• 1:22:00Speaker 03

  I bet I know more about the Vietnam War than you do.

• 1:22:02Bobby Lee?

  There's no way, dude.

• 1:22:03Speaker 03

  A hundred percent. He's pretty Asian.

• 1:22:04Bobby Lee?

  Okay, then why... Okay.

• 1:22:08Speaker 07

  I wouldn't think he's Asian.

• 1:22:09Bobby Lee?

  I don't think...

• 1:22:09Speaker 03

  Are you fucking serious?

• 1:22:10Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, he's...

• 1:22:11Speaker 03

  He's like, oh, he's purebred.

• 1:22:12Bobby Lee?

  Really? He's Antonio Banderas?

• 1:22:14Speaker 07

  It's the gray hair that's throwing him in.

• 1:22:15Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:22:15Speaker 03

  It's the gray hair.

• 1:22:16Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:17Speaker 03

  He was raised by a white dad.

• 1:22:19Bobby Lee?

  You don't have any full Asians, and I'll tell you why.

• 1:22:22Speaker 03

  Oh, I... Okay, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no.

• 1:22:25Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:22:26Speaker 03

  No, no, no, no. You ready?

• 1:22:27Bobby Lee?

  We gotta go watch him.

• 1:22:27Speaker 03

  Hang on, stop calling an Asian right now, and I... You don't even need to see her, and you'll go...

• 1:22:33Speaker 07

  Australian.

• 1:22:33Speaker 03

  She's Australian.

• 1:22:35Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. I bet she's not gonna pick up for you.

• 1:22:38Speaker 03

  I guarantee she is.

• 1:22:39Bobby Lee?

  We don't like you.

• 1:22:40Speaker 03

  She better pick up for me. She's my fucking maid. No, kidding, I'm kidding, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, joking.

• 1:22:46Bobby Lee?

  We'll cut that part out, Gene.

• 1:22:47Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:22:48Bobby Lee?

  We'll clean it up, we'll clean it up. Yeah, yeah.

• 1:22:49Speaker 03

  Just by her accent.

• 1:22:53Speaker 08

  Hey bird, what's up?

• 1:22:54Speaker 03

  Oh. Yeah.

• 1:22:56Speaker 08

  Who's that?

• 1:22:57Speaker 03

  It's Jean.

• 1:22:59Speaker 07

  That's the most Asian thing.

• 1:23:00Bobby Lee?

  Jean Hong.

• 1:23:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:23:02Bobby Lee?

  It's Jean Hong.

• 1:23:06Bobby Lee?

  Jean Hong.

• 1:23:07Speaker 03

  Jean Hong. Oh, you saw her name on my fucking phone?

• 1:23:10Speaker 07

  Yeah, Jean!

• 1:23:11Speaker 03

  Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.

• 1:23:13Bobby Lee?

  Jean, dude!

• 1:23:14Speaker 03

  Oh my god.

• 1:23:14Bobby Lee?

  Dude! Yeah, yeah.

• 1:23:16Speaker 03

  Oh, fuck.

• 1:23:17Bobby Lee?

  That's beef riding, that's beef riding. That's beef riding.

• 1:23:21Speaker 03

  Hey, we're gonna cook steaks tonight if you wanna have a steak.

• 1:23:24Speaker 08

  Oh, can I bring?

• 1:23:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, bring.

• 1:23:27Speaker 08

  What time?

• 1:23:27Speaker 03

  Uh, I'm leaving here right now, so we'll be over there, probably like 7?

• 1:23:32Speaker 08

  Oh, yeah, okay.

• 1:23:32Speaker 03

  Okay, alright. Hey, can you speak, can you speak, uh, um?

• 1:23:37Bobby Lee?

  We're Korean, we're Korean.

• 1:23:39Speaker 08

  Yes, bingo, no?

• 1:23:41Bobby Lee?

  Bingo, we know that word too.

• 1:23:43Speaker 03

  I'm with Bobby Lee.

• 1:23:45Speaker 08

  Oh, who's Jean Jean then?

• 1:23:48Speaker 03

  I'm trying to introduce him to, there's an Asian clique in Hollywood where they only hire Asians.

• 1:23:53Bobby Lee?

  That's true! That's insane!

• 1:23:57Speaker 03

  He said he just saw a picture of, like, he doesn't look that Asian. And I went, "He's 100% Asian, right?"

• 1:24:04Speaker 08

  No.

• 1:24:06Speaker 03

  Wait, wait, wait.

• 1:24:07Bobby Lee?

  What's his breakdown?

• 1:24:08Speaker 07

  What's his ethnic, ethnicity?

• 1:24:11Speaker 08

  Uh, he's half Vietnamese and half Scottish.

• 1:24:14Speaker 03

  Oh, oh, you're right. Wait, wait, wait, I thought he was 100%.

• 1:24:17Bobby Lee?

  No, dude, we can tell by the photo, we have eyes.

• 1:24:20Speaker 07

  The face is not 100%.

• 1:24:21Speaker 08

  I mean, how could he? He looks kinda Mexican.

• 1:24:24Bobby Lee?

  Then I say Antonio Banderas, dude. There's Antonio Banderas' brother.

• 1:24:29Speaker 08

  Bobby knows.

• 1:24:30Bobby Lee?

  I know, I know, you're a fool.

• 1:24:32Speaker 08

  If he's Asian, he won't be that sexy, sorry.

• 1:24:35Speaker 03

  Okay, alright, I love you, I'll talk to you later, bye.

• 1:24:38Bobby Lee?

  Wait, did you say if she was, he was full Asian, she, he wouldn't be that sexy?

• 1:24:42Speaker 03

  I think she had.

• 1:24:46Bobby Lee?

  You played it off. You played it off.

• 1:24:49Speaker 03

  I heard it, I went, alright, I'll talk to you later.

• 1:24:51Bobby Lee?

  You, your, if your face changed colors and then you hung up, that was amazing. That was the most racist thing I've ever heard.

• 1:24:58Speaker 03

  She's, she's full age.

• 1:25:00Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:25:01Speaker 03

  She's full age.

• 1:25:02Bobby Lee?

  We're gonna keep, we'll bleep out her name, but we're gonna keep it in.

• 1:25:04Speaker 03

  She's full age.

• 1:25:05Bobby Lee?

  That was a good fucking thing, bet, dude. A very good bet.

• 1:25:08Speaker 03

  By the way, you got me so good, and I went, cuz you know, she's had.

• 1:25:12Bobby Lee?

  It's this guy.

• 1:25:13Speaker 03

  I was like, I'm leaving, I'm leaving, I'm leaving. She was, she does have weird people that she knows.

• 1:25:18Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you. Ari called, Ari called. Oh my god, you're the. Ari called, you don't have to say anything, Gene.

• 1:25:26Bobby Lee?

  Hey, Ari.

• 1:25:27Speaker 06

  Yeah, dog.

• 1:25:28Bobby Lee?

  I'm with Bert.

• 1:25:30Speaker 06

  Aaron Bert?

• 1:25:31Bobby Lee?

  I'm in, I'm with Bert Kreischer. I'm with Bert. And we, we had this little argument, who do you think is more narcissist, narcissism? Me or Bert?

• 1:25:42Speaker 06

  More narcissist.

• 1:25:43Bobby Lee?

  Who's more of a narcissist, me or Bert?

• 1:25:44Speaker 03

  It's gonna be me.

• 1:25:47Speaker 06

  Um, okay, well, I think neither one of you really knows what that word means.

• 1:25:51Speaker 03

  Hold on, hang on, this might be my favorite part. Please saying neither of us are narcissists, cuz I agree with you, but keep going, Ari.

• 1:25:59Speaker 06

  I said, you're both too dumb to understand the meaning of that word.

• 1:26:03Speaker 03

  That was, that's a compliment.

• 1:26:04Bobby Lee?

  Thanks for calling, thanks for calling in. Sociopath.

• 1:26:06Speaker 06

  Okay, you're welcome.

• 1:26:07Bobby Lee?

  Uh, bye bye, bye bye. That's what a sociopath's for. That was, that was the most insulting thing I've ever heard in my life. That we couldn't grasp concept, he's like that. When him and I had no talk for a couple of years, we didn't like each other. He would literally come up to me, um, you're stupid, you know that, right? Like, you're dumb. And just walk away, he was mean.

• 1:26:28Bobby Lee?

  You know that about him?

• 1:26:28Speaker 03

  But it's not his fault.

• 1:26:29Bobby Lee?

  It's not his fault.

• 1:26:29Speaker 03

  No, it's Hitler's fault.

• 1:26:31Bobby Lee?

  That's true.

• 1:26:32Speaker 03

  If you think about it, his, his parents, his grandparents survived the Holocaust.

• 1:26:36Bobby Lee?

  Okay, anyway, I, I know what you're doing right now, you're trying to extend the time.

• 1:26:39Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:26:39Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, so I'm gonna end it right now.

• 1:26:41Speaker 03

  Tell me more about.

• 1:26:41Bobby Lee?

  So, no, no, watch Bert's podcast.

• 1:26:43Speaker 03

  No, my, my special.

• 1:26:46Bobby Lee?

  I've, Netflix, Netflix.

• 1:26:47Speaker 03

  Streaming on Netflix, is it streaming right now? Yes, it's streaming right now. It's streaming right now, it's called Lucky.

• 1:26:52Bobby Lee?

  It's called.

• 1:26:52Speaker 03

  Look how good I look.

• 1:26:53Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:26:53Speaker 03

  What do you think of the pants? Love it. Oh, do you?

• 1:26:55Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:26:56Speaker 03

  Thank you, I love the backdrop.

• 1:26:57Bobby Lee?

  Wow, wow, wow.

• 1:26:58Speaker 03

  I love this set.

• 1:26:59Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, it's beautiful.

• 1:27:00Speaker 03

  It looks great.

• 1:27:00Bobby Lee?

  It's great, dude. Uh, and you toned your body, like, something's going on, like.

• 1:27:04Speaker 03

  I love, well, you were with me, Bobby, right then.

• 1:27:06Bobby Lee?

  That's right, that's right.

• 1:27:06Speaker 03

  I lost weight.

• 1:27:07Bobby Lee?

  That's right. Anyway, give Bert Kreischer a round of applause. Woo!

• 1:27:15Speaker 04

  Purong kaya matong tong nagpapapola Shukumuki ay toilo Sukuluki muki salaman Vita mukukani ay makabalol Purong kaya matong tong nagpapapola Shukumuki ay toilo