Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys

Support the D. A. W. G. Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Buy Merch @ https://www.mssecretpodcast.com/merch/ Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Go See Shawn Gardini Live if you want @ https://www.shawngardini.com/live Good morning everybody. Hope you're all having a good week. Big Shang's back from his trip. Matt's back from Ball-Sacramento. The D. A. W. G. Z. are reunited. Praise be. Please enjoy. God Bless. Download the PrizePicks app or visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/DRENCHED today and use code Drenched to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Wow, wow, Wes.

• 0:02Speaker 01

  Hello.

• 0:02Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, damn.

• 0:03Speaker 01

  Hello, how are you?

• 0:04Matt McCusker?

  Hello, everybody.

• 0:05Speaker 01

  So, is people causing you some guff?

• 0:08Matt McCusker?

  Trying not to cry, bro. I got literally, Gardini witnessed it from the start of the weekend. And the shows were fun. I was in Ball Sacramento and LGB Seattle.

• 0:17Speaker 01

  Ball Sacramento?

• 0:19Matt McCusker?

  I was in Ball Sacramento and LGB Seattle. And, uh...

• 0:23Speaker 01

  Those are two good ones?

• 0:25Matt McCusker?

  They were great. Shows phenomenal. But from the, dude, from the get-go, we get to the Austin Airport, we're early. I say, "It'll be a nice treat. I'll take Sean and Egan." Brought the Eganism with me. I was like, "We'll take Sean and Egan up to the American Airlines little club lounge."

• 0:41Speaker 01

  Treat them.

• 0:41Matt McCusker?

  For two free guest passes. Like, what a great way to start the day. I go in early, I'm, you know, I'm there, I'm just kinda like writing on my laptop. Sean texts me, he's like, you know, he texts me like, "Hey, we're outside." I'm like, "Okay, Sean's outside."

• 0:55Speaker 01

  Fucking mumble through texts?

• 0:56Matt McCusker?

  They're, they're just kind of like milling around by that front desk. And I, and I'll be honest, I was like tightening a paragraph, so I, it was, they were there for like, maybe like four, how long were you guys there for, like a minute? Yeah, they were there for a second. I wasn't trying to be a jerk, I was just locked in. Sorry about that. Dopamine stack locked in. So, I go out to let them in, I'm like, "Hey, these guys with me, I believe I have two free guest passes." And the lady goes, "Yeah, if you're a member at this lounge." And I go, "Okay, no big deal." I go, "But I am," and I, you know, I, coming out of it, I scanned in. She's, "You didn't scan in with me." I'm like, and then the lady I scanned in with comes up and goes, "Who'd you scan in with?" And I was like, "Whoever was sitting where you are, I think you."

• 1:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:41Matt McCusker?

  She's like, "I don't remember that." And I'm like, "What do you guys think I'm lying? Like, I can assure you, I didn't sneak in here, we didn't say that." I'm like, "You kind of did." And I was like, "Anyway, here's my thing, but I definitely know," I was like, I even, I beeped in and you went, "Do you need help with anything else?" So I think it was you.

• 1:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:58Matt McCusker?

  She's like, "I'm just saying," and I was like, "Okay." She's like, "You're not in here." So the only thing I could think of is that I, I had Gardini's and my boarding pass on my phone. Maybe I beeped Gardini's, but that's her, if I beeped the wrong one, that's on her. So I'm like, look, whatever. We go into the lounge and I'm like, "Dad, this wasn't sitting right with me." And I was like, "Lady, I'm not, I wasn't trying to be a dick, but like, you do realize you kind of accused me of lying to my face in front of my friends."

• 2:23Speaker 01

  You disrespected me in front of my friends.

• 2:24Matt McCusker?

  You disrespected me in front of my friends.

• 2:25Speaker 01

  In front of the openers. That's something I cannot have.

• 2:28Matt McCusker?

  You undermined me in front of my openers.

• 2:29Speaker 01

  I'm setting an example for the openers.

• 2:30Matt McCusker?

  Next thing I know, they'll be doing an extra five, they'll be doing thirty.

• 2:33Speaker 01

  Oh, they'll run the light. Gardini?

• 2:36Matt McCusker?

  They'll be walking, they'll be walking all over my fucking bits and tags.

• 2:39Speaker 01

  Yeah. Well, I saw that joke you did last night. I'm gonna do the same joke. I have a joke that's just like that. It reminded me, so I'm gonna open with that tomorrow.

• 2:49Speaker 01

  I love, and not to go off track, but that is the best.

• 2:52Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah.

• 2:53Speaker 01

  When an opener hears you do a joke, and then the next show, you hear him do a different joke, you go, "That's fucking, that's the same topic. They didn't do that in the first show." It's like, "Oh, yeah, your joke reminded me of my joke about that same topic, and I wanted to go before you." "Yeah, alright." Perfect.

• 3:10Matt McCusker?

  You've had some disrespect as well.

• 3:12Speaker 01

  I've had this exact experience. Remember I sat down at a Cheesecake Factory? And they were like, "Where did you get this seat? Who are you?" I was like, "I don't know, I just picked this. Somebody fucking walked me in." And the hostess was like, "I've never seen this person in my life." I was like, "What the fuck did you do that for? Why'd you just lie?"

• 3:33Matt McCusker?

  Same thing, dude. I was, I was hot. I had to go back up to the lady and be like, "Dude, that was, that was kind of weird you did that, didn't it?" Like, I'm not like, you know, I just want to let you know that was crazy. I'm not asking for like, you know, preferential treatment in here, but I'm like, "Don't do that. That was nuts." And I was like, "And you scanned me in." She was like, "I don't remember that." It's like, "That's not my fucking problem."

• 3:56Matt McCusker?

  So then we had a...

• 3:57Speaker 01

  Was this a white woman?

• 3:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 3:59Speaker 01

  I was gonna say.

• 4:00Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, man. It was a wall.

• 4:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, if you were confronting a black woman like this, I would have been...

• 4:05Matt McCusker?

  Bro?

• 4:05Speaker 01

  I would have said, "Hats off, dude."

• 4:06Matt McCusker?

  I've been trained to the trenches. I'll...

• 4:07Speaker 01

  I know that.

• 4:08Matt McCusker?

  I pull no punches.

• 4:09Speaker 01

  I know you're out the mud.

• 4:11Matt McCusker?

  I'll pull no... I did that one time back in Philly in an old apartment, and the lady spazzed on me.

• 4:15Speaker 01

  It's tough, yeah.

• 4:16Matt McCusker?

  She spazzed on me and I was just fucking the last sam... I was the one, dude. I was just kinda like, "You have no idea, lady."

• 4:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:23Matt McCusker?

  I'm completely...

• 4:24Speaker 01

  Your tricks don't work on me.

• 4:26Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I can absorb a black spaz like none other, dude. I was just sitting there like...

• 4:31Speaker 01

  The only black spaz I really ever absorbed was in our old apartment when uh that lady came back with her fucking big dog to kick us out. I just sat on the steps and I was like, oh yeah, oh yeah.

• 4:44Matt McCusker?

  The realtor that I had worked for that lady.

• 4:46Speaker 01

  Matt worked with this realtor and they came back to like evict us. I didn't give a fuck. I had zero dollars. We were getting evicted from West Philly. I was just sitting at the top of the steps and they were downstairs. Like right there. You need to get out right now. And I was like, oh, do I? I was a fucking gargoyle on the steps.

• 5:05Matt McCusker?

  You're not supposed to be in here. It's like we're not supposed to have a giant hole in our basement floor.

• 5:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, I'm in here. So what's happening?

• 5:11Matt McCusker?

  That was the best when our dishwasher was moldy and I was like, yo, we have like mold in our dishwasher.

• 5:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, like no.

• 5:16Matt McCusker?

  She came in and she was like, I think we might have different definitions of what moldy. I was like, there's mold on the dishwasher. You're spraying bleach on it. What are you talking about? What the fuck are you talking about?

• 5:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, did Lump Man hook us up with a fridge?

• 5:31Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, Lump. Lump had Lump Connect at the fridge.

• 5:33Speaker 01

  That was nice.

• 5:34Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that was pretty sick. But yeah, then, so then I get on the plane and I've been doing a thing on the plane where like I get on and they're seating the whole plane. So I bust my tray out, you know, I'm again, just getting some writing done, just working. And then I think this might've been on the second flight, but this guy just is like, you know, big gay guy from the sky kingdom of gay guys in the air. And he just like.

• 5:57Speaker 01

  Is it the Stewardess?

• 5:58Matt McCusker?

  Stewart, yeah. Stewarto.

• 6:00Speaker 01

  The steward.

• 6:01Matt McCusker?

  Stewart. Stewart.

• 6:02Speaker 01

  The steward.

• 6:03Matt McCusker?

  The John Stewart.

• 6:04Speaker 01

  He was a big, he was a big.

• 6:05Matt McCusker?

  He's kind of a big dog.

• 6:06Speaker 01

  Thick gay steward.

• 6:07Matt McCusker?

  Yes. And he, dude, literally, I'm like completely absorbed.

• 6:11Speaker 01

  I don't know why I'm into that. Somehow it got hotter.

• 6:17Matt McCusker?

  Dude, he goes, we're waiting on you. I'm like, what? I snap out of working. I'm like, oh shit, my bad dude. And I like shut my laptop and I was just kind of like, what the fuck is going on today? Why is everyone shitting on me? And then we land, we get to Ball Sacramento, we land and dude, we're outside the hotel and this actually made me laugh. But a lady comes up, homeless lady walks by and goes, move it or lose it. I was like, what the fuck? And then she did start laughing. She was kind of like.

• 6:44Speaker 01

  Ah, she was in on it. She could feel the.

• 6:46Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, she, she turned around and flashed just such a sweet smile.

• 6:49Speaker 01

  That's funny.

• 6:50Matt McCusker?

  And I was like, dang lady, that was kind of funny. And then there was an older lady in like a mobility chair. I was telling Sean, I was like, I might hit her with the move it or lose it.

• 6:57Speaker 01

  You should have. That's the only way to break the curse. You gotta give it to somebody else. If everyone's disrespecting you, you have to disrespect somebody else.

• 7:05Matt McCusker?

  It was, in a 24 hour period, I've never sustained, just not, it was nonstop disrespect. I can't think if there was any, I don't know if there's anything else. This episode is brought to you by Mint Mobile.

• 7:15Speaker 01

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• 7:16Matt McCusker?

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• 7:23Speaker 01

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• 7:33Matt McCusker?

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• 7:52Speaker 01

  Incredible. I caught, I caught some strays on my flight home this weekend.

• 7:56Matt McCusker?

  Did you?

• 7:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, just some fucking drunk guy sitting next to me, or across the aisle, and he was like, "I could tell you're somebody, because I saw your lady friend that you're with, and then I saw you," and I was like, "What?" And I was like, "Oh, cool, man." What the fuck was that for?

• 8:14Matt McCusker?

  Why would you say that to me?

• 8:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, I get hit with that all the time, dude. Last night, we were out, and a guy was like, "Oh, my friend looks retarded too." I was like, "Yeah."

• 8:22Matt McCusker?

  Cool, man.

• 8:23Speaker 01

  "Thanks, man. Can I have pictures?" "Yeah, for sure." "Can we look retarded in the pictures?" I don't have a choice.

• 8:31Speaker 01

  I'm gonna. Let's get the picture.

• 8:34Matt McCusker?

  That's the funniest request ever.

• 8:35Speaker 01

  I get it every day.

• 8:38Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's when people are like, "Let's do middle fingers in the picture." I'm like, "Can we not, man?"

• 8:42Speaker 01

  I know.

• 8:42Matt McCusker?

  Middle fingers.

• 8:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:48Speaker 01

  You got disrespected at Cabo Bob's?

• 8:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, I told Matt about this, and I told everybody besides you about this, but I was with-

• 8:54Speaker 01

  What the fuck are you telling everyone else for, not me?

• 8:56Speaker 03

  I didn't, I haven't seen you in a week, so, you know, I miss you.

• 8:58Speaker 01

  There's another disrespect.

• 8:59Speaker 03

  I didn't mean to disrespect you, I'm sorry, but-

• 9:01Speaker 01

  It's fine, I'm a disrespect.

• 9:02Speaker 03

  It was me and all the, the big guys. So it was me, La Mer, Andy, Pat, and our friend Jake Ricka. So it's about a-

• 9:10Speaker 01

  Is Jake thick too?

• 9:11Speaker 03

  He's about fifteen hundred pounds, man, with me at the Cabo Bobs.

• 9:15Speaker 01

  You guys can't get in an elevator?

• 9:16Speaker 03

  No, absolutely not. It would have been Final Destination.

• 9:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, nine people. You go, we can't get in.

• 9:24Speaker 03

  It was five. And some guy commented about how, he was like, why are all you big guys hanging out with this little guy? It's just kinda weird to see.

• 9:33Speaker 01

  That's funny.

• 9:34Speaker 03

  He was like, you guys are all so big and he's so little.

• 9:37Speaker 01

  Who said this to you?

• 9:38Speaker 03

  A random guy at the Cabo Bobs.

• 9:40Speaker 01

  Just not even, didn't even work there?

• 9:42Speaker 03

  No, no, he was just going to pick up his lunch and he commented on all of our sizes.

• 9:47Speaker 01

  He saw you guys and he probably thought it was some type of weird sexual-

• 9:51Speaker 03

  I kept joking-

• 9:52Speaker 01

  He was like, there's their little hump her.

• 9:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's, I was joking about that. I was joking about how I had a fat drawn carriage that took me around town.

• 10:01Speaker 01

  You do chill deep with the fats.

• 10:04Speaker 03

  I know, I never realized until that moment that it probably is a weird sight to see me hanging out with only people that are about four times bigger.

• 10:16Speaker 01

  You have a plus size squad.

• 10:18Speaker 03

  I do have a-

• 10:21Matt McCusker?

  Really do. Yeah, it was crazy, man. That was, that was pretty much it. The weekend was sick, otherwise. The weekend was great. It was just, just non-stop mounting disrespect, just one after the other.

• 10:35Matt McCusker?

  Not the last lady. The last lady had, it was an older lady with braces, very sweet. But yeah, all the stewards were just-

• 10:41Speaker 01

  That's hot.

• 10:41Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I know.

• 10:42Speaker 01

  Was she hot?

• 10:43Matt McCusker?

  In her own way, yeah, I would say. Um, she was, she was kind of a, she was a darling. Very nice too. I even, I was so just, just so beaten down from the weekend. I'm like doing my work before I was at Plane Loads. And I like, looked up at her one point and I was like, just let me know when you want me to close this. I don't know exactly when I'm supposed to. You're fine, sweetie.

• 11:02Speaker 03

  Oh, thank you, babe.

• 11:04Speaker 01

  Babes with braces, they must be humble.

• 11:06Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 11:07Speaker 01

  Unless they get hit with a fucking, shut up, brace face.

• 11:12Speaker 01

  They have to be humble at all times.

• 11:14Matt McCusker?

  It's true.

• 11:15Speaker 01

  Nice braces, you fifty year old fuck.

• 11:17Matt McCusker?

  Wow, wow.

• 11:20Matt McCusker?

  Getting sexy for your fourth husband, nice.

• 11:24Speaker 01

  Now, that's something we would say if we were being mean.

• 11:27Matt McCusker?

  If I got attacked in.

• 11:28Speaker 01

  If I got attacked by a brace faced lady.

• 11:30Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 11:31Speaker 01

  I'd go, I don't know who you're talking to with those fucking braces in your mouth.

• 11:35Matt McCusker?

  She'd go, Jesus Christ, can you turn the other way? The sun's bouncing off those things, blinding me.

• 11:41Matt McCusker?

  Put on your rubber bands and shut the hell up.

• 11:44Speaker 01

  Adult braces are fucking sick.

• 11:46Matt McCusker?

  I love them.

• 11:47Speaker 01

  I mean, to be rocking braces instead of Invisaligns at this point.

• 11:51Matt McCusker?

  It's awesome.

• 11:52Speaker 01

  Fuck.

• 11:52Matt McCusker?

  It's kind of a power move, honestly.

• 11:53Speaker 01

  I know. Terrell Davis had braces.

• 11:55Matt McCusker?

  Did he really?

• 11:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, he was the man. Running back for the Broncos, you remember him?

• 11:59Matt McCusker?

  He's tossing the, yeah, dude.

• 12:00Speaker 01

  He had fucking braces.

• 12:01Matt McCusker?

  Game day ninety eight, that was my go to.

• 12:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, he was nasty.

• 12:04Matt McCusker?

  He was awesome.

• 12:05Speaker 01

  Adult braces, they should come back. My friend's dad got braces and it was fucking hilarious.

• 12:10Matt McCusker?

  That's wild. I told you about my dad, they tried to get him to get braces and he was just like, hell to the gnaw.

• 12:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, you can't wear braces at a construction site. Good lord.

• 12:21Matt McCusker?

  He couldn't even drive and not drive a pickup truck. If he took, he had a little Ford Fiesta.

• 12:25Speaker 01

  That's been passed down to Billy.

• 12:26Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah.

• 12:27Speaker 01

  Billy was talking to me yesterday about a nine million dollar truck he wants to buy.

• 12:31Matt McCusker?

  It's his absolute Achilles heel.

• 12:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:34Matt McCusker?

  He yearns for like Duramax, the most gigantic trucks imaginable.

• 12:40Speaker 01

  He likes big trucks, it's like a little fucking boy.

• 12:43Matt McCusker?

  He is, he loves.

• 12:44Speaker 01

  I want a big truck.

• 12:45Matt McCusker?

  He loves big, big boy toys.

• 12:47Speaker 01

  He did have a nice answer, I was like, dude, why do you keep buying all these, why do you want a huge expensive truck? And he's like, I just like them and they're my favorite things.

• 12:54Matt McCusker?

  That's fair.

• 12:54Speaker 01

  I was like, well, that's totally fair, man. He's like, it's the one thing I like in this entire world, I want a big truck. Alright, man.

• 12:59Matt McCusker?

  He does love big trucks.

• 13:01Speaker 01

  Big trucks.

• 13:03Matt McCusker?

  He was, he was, I had rented, um, what the hell did I, I had some sort of wagon here, I think, when I was in Philly. Hops in, he goes, Dennis, he's like looking around, oh, this is a wagon, this is so nice, dude, the Escalade's probably a hundred sixty, it's crazy, I'm like, stop giving me truck prices.

• 13:16Speaker 01

  New Escalades are sick, though.

• 13:17Matt McCusker?

  Are they?

• 13:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:18Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they're on his radar, he's like, they're fucking a hundred sixty, they're crazy, dude. Oh, my dude.

• 13:22Speaker 01

  That's the least practical truck for where he, or vehicle for where he lives, too.

• 13:26Matt McCusker?

  I told him, get a little beater, bro, get the bucket. Get in the bucket. That's all he needs is a little bucket.

• 13:32Speaker 01

  I'm surprised you're whipping that, uh, Accord. You're a millionaire, Sean.

• 13:39Speaker 01

  You're the richest guy ever.

• 13:41Speaker 03

  Oh, I'm not.

• 13:42Speaker 01

  It's so crazy.

• 13:44Speaker 03

  It would be cool to roll around in an Escalade. It would look ridiculous.

• 13:47Speaker 01

  Especially if you pulled up in the Escalade.

• 13:49Speaker 03

  With all my fat.

• 13:50Speaker 01

  Five fat guys got out.

• 13:52Speaker 01

  As a big boy toy.

• 13:55Speaker 03

  The Fatmobile.

• 13:56Speaker 01

  Five fat, the Fatmobile. Five fats stumbling out. Everyone's arguing.

• 14:01Matt McCusker?

  You gotta set up a trust for your fats.

• 14:03Speaker 03

  What do you mean?

• 14:04Matt McCusker?

  You gotta set up a trust. What are they gonna do when you're gone?

• 14:07Speaker 03

  I don't know.

• 14:07Speaker 01

  They are suckling off you.

• 14:10Speaker 01

  All your ad revenue.

• 14:14Speaker 03

  I like the Accord. It's nice.

• 14:15Matt McCusker?

  It is a nice car. The Accord is nice.

• 14:17Speaker 03

  Gets me where I got to go.

• 14:18Matt McCusker?

  It's a bit of a splurge. I'm more of a Civic man myself, but.

• 14:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, you could've got a Civic. You don't need all that space. But I get it. Once those checks start rolling in.

• 14:27Speaker 03

  It's five grand.

• 14:29Matt McCusker?

  Just like exert.

• 14:30Speaker 01

  I love telling, I love telling the group chat how rich you are. All the New York, we're in a group chat with the most evil New York comics.

• 14:39Matt McCusker?

  Vampires, bro.

• 14:40Speaker 01

  They are vampires. They fucking, they're like, Austin comedy sucks. I just screenshotted the seller lineup yesterday. I was like, New York's sick. This is fucking garbage lineup.

• 14:53Matt McCusker?

  The purists.

• 14:54Speaker 01

  They're such purists, dude.

• 14:55Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 14:56Speaker 01

  The purists.

• 14:58Speaker 01

  Oh, man, we might be getting some Chantilly lace coming up.

• 15:03Speaker 01

  What's that?

• 15:03Speaker 03

  That would be so awesome.

• 15:05Speaker 01

  Uh, one of the ultimate vampires is Lev. Guys, this episode is brought to you by PrizePix. The basketball playoffs have been unbelievable and the action is still heating up on PrizePix. The best place to cash in your favorite sports. Matt, what do you think about the playoffs so far? Who do you have winning it all?

• 15:24Matt McCusker?

  They've been surprising me.

• 15:24Speaker 01

  You've been surprised?

• 15:25Matt McCusker?

  Everyone's saying the Celtics were the best and, you know, I don't know.

• 15:28Speaker 01

  Not anymore. The Knicks beat them.

• 15:29Matt McCusker?

  Exactly.

• 15:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:30Matt McCusker?

  So, so, yeah, I'm like, like, what the heck?

• 15:33Speaker 01

  Yeah. Who else do you like?

• 15:35Matt McCusker?

  Uh, I, I, I think the OKC Thunder.

• 15:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's a good pick.

• 15:38Matt McCusker?

  Yep, I think I've been here, I've been here and there, you know, they could, they could win it all.

• 15:41Speaker 01

  Shane Gillis Alexander going against the Ant-Man.

• 15:46Speaker 01

  Are there any particular teams or fixtures that you've enjoyed?

• 15:50Matt McCusker?

  You know, I mean, yeah, I think about the Knicks a lot. I think Knicks.

• 15:53Speaker 01

  I like the Knicks. The Knicks are fun.

• 15:54Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's a good team.

• 15:55Speaker 01

  Pacers is a classic series.

• 15:57Matt McCusker?

  It's, dude, it's just, I've been like, what the heck?

• 15:59Speaker 01

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• 16:18Matt McCusker?

  Dang, that would be nice.

• 16:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, that would change things. You'd be able to get a bunker. This is what I'm thinking. Sample picks, I'm gonna go, uh, Katelyn Reese, less points. Or Angel Reese, less points. More rebounds though, she does get boards, dude. Uh, yeah, that's what I think.

• 16:41Matt McCusker?

  There you go.

• 16:42Speaker 01

  All right, you heard our picks. Now it's time to lock in your playoff picks with prize picks. Don't miss out on Flex Friday. Make sure you opt in and tap the checkbox in your lineup builder to be eligible for the protected play. I love protected play.

• 16:57Matt McCusker?

  Me too.

• 16:57Speaker 01

  JK, I love unprotected play. Two squares from any game on the board. If your lineup, if your lineup does not win, you get your net losses back in promo funds up to your promo limit as soon as the lineup settles. I'm telling you, prize picks is the best place to turn your sports knowledge into cash. You can submit your picks in 60 seconds or less. It's so easy, I'm doing it right now. No, I'm not, or am I? That's what they wrote. I didn't think that was funny. I don't, I don't want you guys who listen to this podcast looking for comedy to think that that's the type of shit I'm fishing out. All right, download the app today and use code DRENCH to get fifty dollars instantly after

• 17:40Speaker 01

  you play your first five dollar lineup. That's code DRENCH to get fifty dollars instantly after you play your first five dollar lineup. Prize picks, run your game. Oh yeah, now it's time to plug shows. July, I'll be going to, I added a bunch of shows, so please come to them. I'm gonna go to Oklahoma City, August 8th, I'll be in Louisville. Uh, but yeah, Oklahoma City and Louisville are the, are the ones I'd really like you to buy tickets to. I thought the OKC Thunder fans would be fucking excited to let loose for a comedy, once they're done with all these, these playoff games. You know, they're very stressful. Now it's time to let loose with a comedy show there.

• 18:21Matt McCusker?

  Totally agree.

• 18:23Speaker 01

  How about you, Sean? Do you have anything cool coming up, bud?

• 18:25Speaker 03

  Yep, I just have-

• 18:26Speaker 01

  Get in front of the camera.

• 18:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 18:29Speaker 01

  You're a millionaire now.

• 18:30Speaker 03

  I'm not a millionaire. I'm not a millionaire, but I do have a show at Cap City Comedy Club. I have two shows, May 30th and 31st, at Cap City Comedy Club, Sean Gardner and friends, in Austin, Texas. Please come to those if you can. The link is below. And also Optimum Noctis on June 3rd.

• 18:48Speaker 01

  The link is below? I don't think I ever told you you could post your links?

• 18:53Speaker 03

  The link is on my page, on my own personal page, if you'd like to come to the show.

• 18:59Speaker 01

  The link's below.

• 19:00Speaker 03

  The link is below. Thank you, guys.

• 19:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, hell yeah, bud.

• 19:03Matt McCusker?

  Also, Ontario, California, huge weekend, June 26th to the 28th. I will be taping my special at the Ontario Improv, yeah. Coming up, so please come to that, it'll be a lot of fun. It's gonna be Thursday through Saturday, so it's live taping.

• 19:16Speaker 01

  And I've seen the new hour, and it's very good.

• 19:19Matt McCusker?

  Thank you.

• 19:20Speaker 01

  It's your best hour yet, I'm excited to see it again.

• 19:22Matt McCusker?

  Thank you, bro, I'm excited to get it over with.

• 19:23Speaker 03

  And Live Panties in the Mouth, June 20th, uh, May 25th.

• 19:27Matt McCusker?

  Where?

• 19:27Speaker 01

  Where at?

• 19:28Speaker 03

  At Speakeasy.

• 19:29Speaker 01

  At Speakeasy's here in Austin?

• 19:30Speaker 03

  Yep, here in Austin, Texas.

• 19:31Speaker 01

  Live Panties in the Mouth?

• 19:32Speaker 03

  Live Panties in the Mouth.

• 19:33Speaker 01

  Are you guys gonna do a Babe of the Year Award, or what's going on here? It's just month still?

• 19:38Speaker 04

  Just the month, we do Babe of the Month now. It's usually Babe of the Week, all the winners.

• 19:42Speaker 01

  Okay, and then you have a tournament in front of a live audience?

• 19:46Matt McCusker?

  And they put a cookie, then they put a cookie on the floor.

• 19:48Speaker 01

  Horny pieces of shit. If you wanna go to the Speakeasy and meet with the horniest guy, there's a horny guy meetup at the Speakeasy's.

• 19:58Matt McCusker?

  I just pray the disrespect stops. I was like, I was sitting there the other day, I was kinda high and I was just thinking about all the evil against me. It's not a lot, but there is, there's like, if you really zoom out and like, there probably is at any given time, just people spewing evil, just about your name and likeness. I like, it hit me how, the overwhelming scale and I was just kinda like, I just had to make peace with it. I was like, I wish them all well. Anyone who wishes evil against me, mostly airline attendants. I wish them well. I had to just, I was like, I wish them well, even though there's speaking evil on my name.

• 20:31Speaker 01

  I thought about, yeah, the evil being spewed yesterday when I left the green room at the mothership. It was like, as soon as I leave this room, I guarantee.

• 20:39Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 20:39Speaker 01

  Little evil fucks up there going, fucking piece of shit.

• 20:44Matt McCusker?

  Just five minutes of people making faces at each other, like, not even talking.

• 20:51Matt McCusker?

  Fucking, yeah, great. Be sick to bug that thing.

• 20:57Speaker 01

  It probably is bugged. Probably, every time, it probably is, dude. I think the CIA is on Joe Rogan's ass, dude. I was talking to him, I was talking to him, it was funny, last night, I was like, uh, we should go to that Oasis concert in Mexico City. And he was like, yeah, so I can go get kidnapped? Good call. I was like, yeah, I forgot. I forgot. He's like, I'll get kidnapped right away. Oh, we didn't even get to talk about the Mexican Navy.

• 21:26Matt McCusker?

  What happened? Oh, when it crashed?

• 21:28Speaker 01

  You're gonna love it.

• 21:29Matt McCusker?

  How was the Mexican Navy? No. Was that an incursion?

• 21:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, they tried to attack and they got, they got stopped by our first line of defense, our bridge.

• 21:41Matt McCusker?

  Is there a belly room, is there like a belly room underneath it of just 50,000 weed whacker motors?

• 21:49Speaker 01

  Bro, did you see the footage of it? They were standing on the mast. There were dudes, there were dudes everywhere.

• 21:55Matt McCusker?

  Did someone in the crow's nest?

• 21:57Speaker 01

  The whole gang. I don't think there was one person piloting the ship. Everyone was standing on the mast. They were like, holding hands on the mast. It was, the first time I was, I was like, I don't think they know how to ride a boat. They're standing on the wrong part. They shouldn't be up there.

• 22:13Matt McCusker?

  What were they, were they coming into like, they're like pirates, their booty, their booties are, their booty's just jobs. Ah, ah, ah, the sights up ahead mateys. Grab your brooms.

• 22:29Matt McCusker?

  Grab your wheelbarrows mateys. Oh crap.

• 22:37Matt McCusker?

  Just. I think it was the Mexican Navy.

• 22:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're, they're fucking stunting on us.

• 22:42Matt McCusker?

  What the fuck?

• 22:42Speaker 01

  They're a little show of force. They said, you guys wanna talk shit on Mexico? Check this shit out. We got fucking cannons.

• 22:50Speaker 01

  We got a pirate ship.

• 22:52Matt McCusker?

  They were fit to plunder.

• 22:53Speaker 01

  They were trying to plunder, they fucking, ah, we just ran up fucking ground, ah.

• 22:59Matt McCusker?

  You're just in your house and your wife, you're like, get back, I gotta protect my gerb.

• 23:04Matt McCusker?

  They're going for my gerbs.

• 23:05Speaker 01

  They did come for the gerbs, but they ended up hitting the fucking birds. The Brooklyn birds.

• 23:11Matt McCusker?

  Was that the golden dome Trump was talking about, the Brooklyn Bridge?

• 23:14Speaker 01

  Brooklyn Bridge, yeah, that's our new iron dome.

• 23:16Matt McCusker?

  The golden dome is so funny.

• 23:18Speaker 01

  I didn't know he was calling it the golden dome.

• 23:20Matt McCusker?

  He's calling it the golden dome.

• 23:21Speaker 01

  It's Notre Dame dude, he's exactly right. The golden dome.

• 23:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's all, that's what we need right now, we need domes.

• 23:28Speaker 01

  The Mexicans standing on the mast. It's crazy.

• 23:34Matt McCusker?

  That's insane.

• 23:34Speaker 01

  Where were they going? Where did they think, I think, I heard they were headed to Iceland. For real, they were like, alright, this ship's headed to Iceland next.

• 23:42Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 23:42Speaker 01

  They fucking got hit by a fucking bridge.

• 23:48Speaker 01

  I felt bad for the Mexicans.

• 23:50Matt McCusker?

  When they crashed into the ridge?

• 23:51Speaker 01

  A couple of them died.

• 23:52Matt McCusker?

  Did they really?

• 23:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, dudes standing on the fucking mast.

• 23:55Matt McCusker?

  True, yeah.

• 23:56Speaker 01

  They got, yeah, two guys. There's a lady up there?

• 24:01Speaker 05

  A recruit, a young twenty year old and a forty five year old man died.

• 24:04Matt McCusker?

  There's a lady in the, and they're all, they're like official sailors in the Mexican Navy?

• 24:08Speaker 05

  Yeah, oh, twenty and twenty three, yes.

• 24:11Matt McCusker?

  Damn.

• 24:12Speaker 05

  They were American.

• 24:13Matt McCusker?

  Huh?

• 24:14Speaker 05

  Oh wait, her name was America.

• 24:16Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 24:19Matt McCusker?

  No, her name is for real America?

• 24:21Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 24:22Matt McCusker?

  R.I.P. That's fucked, man.

• 24:23Speaker 01

  I bet not to be rude at this point and objectify somebody who died, but she sounds hot.

• 24:30Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 24:32Matt McCusker?

  You, I, if I were, if I were high up in the Mexican Navy, I would name my hottest daughter America for sure.

• 24:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:39Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's again, dang, that sucks.

• 24:43Matt McCusker?

  True, you're here, you're like, hey, man, let me see, like, dude, my name's.

• 24:46Speaker 01

  I'm literally America.

• 24:47Matt McCusker?

  My name's America?

• 24:47Speaker 01

  Actually, I mean, she could have been Captain America.

• 24:52Matt McCusker?

  I didn't know people died, that's crazy.

• 24:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:54Matt McCusker?

  I just saw like a quick glance of that bridge, that thing cracking in the bridge and was like.

• 24:58Speaker 01

  And everybody, you know, there's like influencers underneath taking pictures and then a boat comes and everyone was laughing when they got hit. Literally, everyone was down there laughing and running.

• 25:09Matt McCusker?

  Damn.

• 25:10Speaker 01

  And the lads were hanging from the mast, they're tied, I think they were like tied up there.

• 25:16Matt McCusker?

  They're probably tied off.

• 25:17Speaker 01

  Hanging on it, yeah.

• 25:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, probably lanyards going on. Damn.

• 25:20Speaker 01

  That sucks too, if you're up there fucking hanging on to a mast, you're going, I guarantee we're gonna hit that fucking bridge. You had a lot of time to be like, we're headed right at that bridge, there's no way we're getting under that.

• 25:30Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, drop the anchors.

• 25:31Speaker 05

  This article says, uh, them being up there is a tradition. It's, uh, which is a traditional ritual, they're secured by harnesses to the.

• 25:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 25:40Speaker 05

  Top with their arms wide open and I don't.

• 25:42Matt McCusker?

  Their arms wide open. That's the Mexican constitution, it's just the OSHA 30, man.

• 25:52Matt McCusker?

  Dude, that is fucking wild, dude, a helicopter crashed into Haas's backyard. Yeah, dude, a helicopter, he sent me a picture, crash landed in his backyard. I think, I think they survived, but imagine of all places to crash into Haas's backyard.

• 26:09Speaker 01

  The most, the biggest, he must have been going nuts.

• 26:11Matt McCusker?

  Oh dude, just hammering you.

• 26:13Speaker 01

  He's probably running around.

• 26:13Matt McCusker?

  Hammering you with quite, what the, what the hell are you guys doing out here? You wake up, you're like, oh, what the fuck?

• 26:20Speaker 01

  He's like a Jack Russell.

• 26:21Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, he is.

• 26:22Speaker 01

  If like a car comes in front of his house, he must sprint around the house. Be like, who is that, what's going on here? Who is it, who's here?

• 26:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, crashing, crashing into Haas's world is so funny, man. Yeah, I don't know, what the hell is going on?

• 26:35Speaker 01

  They died, they're probably like, oh, this is the hell, this is the devil. What were you guys even thinking?

• 26:40Matt McCusker?

  You can't drive, what the hell is going on?

• 26:42Speaker 01

  Pussy?

• 26:43Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah, man, it's I don't know what's going on, people. Is it is it the smartphones, dude?

• 26:50Speaker 01

  You think it's the 5G taking down the?

• 26:52Matt McCusker?

  Or just the distraction. Or again, it's like there's the thing like this always happens, but but also like like, because they say like when things happen, the media starts to focus on them. But it's also like, dude, that's two crashes in just the northeast Philly or what? No, he doesn't live in northeast Philly. He lives out there, but there was one in northeast Philly in the Philly area.

• 27:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:14Matt McCusker?

  There's been two crashes. It's like I've never heard of that.

• 27:17Speaker 01

  Man.

• 27:19Speaker 01

  I think about that jet a lot.

• 27:20Matt McCusker?

  Oh, God.

• 27:21Speaker 01

  That thing came steam and right along.

• 27:25Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, exploded.

• 27:26Speaker 01

  It was a rocket.

• 27:28Matt McCusker?

  The hell's going on? Yeah, I mean, I just every year I'm hopeful. I go, please, man.

• 27:32Speaker 01

  I think I'd rather be on the rocket than the fucking Mexican boat, though.

• 27:37Speaker 01

  The rocket was fast. The boat you just fucking harnessed to a mast seeing the Brooklyn Bridge come at you for fucking 20 minutes.

• 27:43Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 27:44Speaker 01

  Going, ah, I don't know.

• 27:48Matt McCusker?

  Apparently, Asian pilots have a big problem. I was actually when I when I went. No, no, I swear to God, because of the like honor culture. We when you were gone, I did and I like just did one of those zooms with a bunch of bros and there's a guy in air traffic control. It's pretty sick. He zoomed in from air traffic and in the town. He was in the tower.

• 28:07Speaker 01

  That's not good.

• 28:08Matt McCusker?

  No, he said he said and he did. He's like zero nine Rogers, the guys I got it and he did.

• 28:12Speaker 01

  Jesus Christ.

• 28:13Matt McCusker?

  But.

• 28:15Speaker 01

  Jesus Christ, dude.

• 28:18Matt McCusker?

  But he was saying that there's a problem with the like honor codes among Asian pilots.

• 28:22Speaker 01

  Yes, with older, older pilots and young. Yeah, yeah, this is a common thing.

• 28:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 28:27Speaker 01

  Where they're like, they can't speak up against an older guy that's fucking up.

• 28:31Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, there's an epidemic of just single anime beads.

• 28:34Speaker 01

  I don't know how true that is because I've heard it.

• 28:36Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 28:36Speaker 01

  It's yeah, it's like an urban legend, I think.

• 28:38Matt McCusker?

  I don't know.

• 28:40Speaker 01

  I knew it before you told me it. I've heard this. I know it's their culture, but I don't think.

• 28:45Matt McCusker?

  One of its true.

• 28:46Speaker 01

  I really doubt it's true.

• 28:48Matt McCusker?

  I don't know, dude. They stab themselves in the bellies, dude.

• 28:51Speaker 01

  I don't think they've been doing that for a long time.

• 28:54Matt McCusker?

  They don't stab themselves in the bellies.

• 28:55Speaker 01

  They stopped doing that. I think I think if you're in a plane crash or like something's fucked up.

• 29:02Speaker 01

  In 2025, I think honor goes out the window.

• 29:04Matt McCusker?

  I hope.

• 29:05Speaker 01

  Dude, they got like K-pop and shit now. They're not, you're thinking old Asians.

• 29:09Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but that's the.

• 29:09Speaker 01

  You're young Asians.

• 29:10Matt McCusker?

  You're thinking cool hip young Asians with sunglasses being like, oh, yeah, whatever.

• 29:14Speaker 01

  No, but they have that. That's in the world. They have fucking anime and shit now.

• 29:17Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 29:17Speaker 01

  They're, they're all about disrespect. They've turned bad boys. The hats turned backwards. They're bad boys. Isn't all anime about like a young guy being like, I am no longer your fucking pupil?

• 29:30Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but then he has to undergo tests that like, you know, it's all about tests.

• 29:34Speaker 01

  I think the big test is, is the plane going down. It's time for me to fucking rise up and go, please hit that button.

• 29:41Matt McCusker?

  You gotta go Super Saiyan to tell the older.

• 29:46Speaker 01

  The left engine's out.

• 29:49Speaker 01

  Oh, I said it.

• 29:52Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I'm telling you, I used to witness it when I worked in the Korean beer distributor. The guy would like, bro, I'm not lying. He was, he was the boss of the whole place. He owned it and he would put his feet up on one of those little plug-in radiators. And I watched him knock a cup on the floor and like another guy, younger guy came and picked it up. He just went like that and I was like, damn. Didn't say a word, just like. Oh, Sue.

• 30:14Speaker 01

  I think you could do that here.

• 30:15Matt McCusker?

  You think I could lord out?

• 30:16Speaker 01

  I think knock one of those cups over.

• 30:18Matt McCusker?

  K-ball, I could.

• 30:23Matt McCusker?

  Now you have his little split thing.

• 30:25Speaker 01

  Now he's too rich.

• 30:25Matt McCusker?

  Who does he think I am?

• 30:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's too rich and powerful. God, he's too rich and powerful.

• 30:31Matt McCusker?

  Two more, two more years of this Spotify money and I will be lord.

• 30:37Speaker 01

  They are moving in on us. They've been fucking gaining strength.

• 30:40Matt McCusker?

  He's gathering a small army.

• 30:42Speaker 01

  He is gathering. They're moving in. They wait patiently. They go, well, these guys are about done.

• 30:48Matt McCusker?

  Did you see if his apartment had those freak-offs?

• 30:50Speaker 01

  You guys, La Mer had some freak-offs when I was gone, for sure.

• 30:54Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah. Have you been following that trial at all?

• 30:58Speaker 01

  Uh, a little. I've, I've been hearing it. I haven't, I haven't, uh, I heard, uh,

• 31:05Speaker 01

  did he like to clean up?

• 31:07Matt McCusker?

  So what? Swabbing the, you're talking about swabbing the decks?

• 31:09Speaker 01

  The decks.

• 31:10Matt McCusker?

  No.

• 31:12Speaker 01

  That was so, I didn't hear that from the trial. Somebody told me that that was in the trial, so I don't know if it is. I think he swabbed the decks. I think that was one of his things. But we were laughing about it earlier, just that poor lady's husband's in the trial. He's listening.

• 31:25Matt McCusker?

  I know, bro. I know.

• 31:27Speaker 01

  Now, obviously he's into it.

• 31:29Matt McCusker?

  You think?

• 31:30Speaker 01

  Definitely.

• 31:31Matt McCusker?

  Okay.

• 31:32Speaker 01

  There's no, there's no way. They warned you would have went, I'm out.

• 31:36Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 31:37Speaker 01

  He's obviously like, I knew this about her.

• 31:39Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 31:40Speaker 01

  I would like, I would like a, you know how they do those like courtroom drawings? It'd be funny to have him in the back, like dark red face with smoke coming out of his ears.

• 31:52Speaker 01

  Oh no.

• 31:54Matt McCusker?

  His thought bubbles coming out of his head?

• 31:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's pretty wild, because yeah, they're like, that's the defense, I guess. They're hitting her with like, and you fucked this guy too, right? She's like, uh, yes, I did.

• 32:07Speaker 01

  The problem is, there's so many texts of her like, saying she liked it.

• 32:11Matt McCusker?

  Getting freaky.

• 32:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. I didn't know that. So there's a.

• 32:16Speaker 01

  She was saying like, yeah, and they called him FOs. She would be like, when's our next FO? She would be like, yeah, we need to do a freak. She would like, be like,

• 32:24Matt McCusker?

  Damn.

• 32:24Speaker 01

  Diddy, please, Diddy.

• 32:28Matt McCusker?

  Apparently his.

• 32:29Speaker 01

  Allegedly, I have no idea.

• 32:30Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, no, there was, yeah, they're, they're, that's the whole case, being like, bro. The problem was, he lied about hitting her, and that video of him beating her came out. Which again, if you're Diddy's defense, you go, okay, he hit his wife, sorry, like, let's press charges on that. But not sex, not sex trafficking. So that's, but yeah, the texts are damning.

• 32:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:52Matt McCusker?

  But I, I saw, there was a thing from his former assistant that stated like, you know, he got in there and they were like, bro, we're, we're, this is his kingdom, we're here to serve. And then it like, kind of jumped to the fact that there's a video of him dancing around like a fool on Molly. He said he was, and they're like, were you partying? He goes, I was drunk off the Ciroc. I had taken Molly.

• 33:12Speaker 01

  Don't name your brand.

• 33:13Matt McCusker?

  I was Diddy flipping. He literally goes, Diddy bopping. He goes, I was Diddy bopping. And he literally, in front of the judge, under oath goes, yeah, I was vibing. Like, he was vibing at the FO, but he goes, he kind of like, I don't know if he was trying to paint the picture, like, he was kind of forced on you to like, party down like that. Which is like, you could have just said no.

• 33:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:32Matt McCusker?

  He was like, I kind of had to vibe in order to keep the job. So that that's not, it's kind of, it's kind of starting to look like, from my perspective, that everyone was having a great time at these Diddy parties. Which I've said all along, I'm like, look, there might, there might have been evil, evil stuff going on, but I do think people were partying down. It's, you know, it's a giant drug fueled orgy.

• 33:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, they were talking about like, four day sex parties?

• 33:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 33:59Speaker 01

  You ever have sex for an hour?

• 34:02Matt McCusker?

  I don't think so.

• 34:02Speaker 01

  You go, this blows.

• 34:04Matt McCusker?

  It's, it's so much.

• 34:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:05Matt McCusker?

  No, there, this is like, when you need like, stimulants and electrolytes.

• 34:08Speaker 01

  I'm fucking, three minutes. You better get yours, because I'mma get mine.

• 34:14Matt McCusker?

  I'm about to freak off right now.

• 34:16Speaker 01

  I'm about to freak off. I had a couple freak offs. I've been in a hotel for a week. I was having nothing but freak offs down in Atlanta.

• 34:25Matt McCusker?

  Did you get an electrolytes?

• 34:26Speaker 01

  I was getting, I was fucking just jacking off in a hotel room for 10 days.

• 34:30Matt McCusker?

  Swabbing the deck?

• 34:32Speaker 01

  Sometimes you gotta swab the deck like a cat before bed.

• 34:41Speaker 01

  Oh, man.

• 34:42Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that trial, I guess that's gonna fall apart, I guess, you know, if you get the texts. Because again, the sex trafficking has to be, they have no idea. Like, you have to be tricking them into taking them.

• 34:55Speaker 01

  I, we get a little, I feel like we throw around sex trafficking a lot.

• 34:58Matt McCusker?

  It's definitely broad.

• 35:00Speaker 01

  These state lines are really.

• 35:02Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah, but it's also like, yeah, it's definitely broad.

• 35:05Speaker 01

  So if I call a lady from, you know, Montana.

• 35:08Matt McCusker?

  Yep.

• 35:10Speaker 01

  And I don't explicitly say, "I wanna have sex."

• 35:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 35:14Speaker 01

  Then we have sex.

• 35:15Matt McCusker?

  It's, you're in, you're in the gray area. If you say, "Hey, let's just sit here and, you wanna chill and watch a movie?"

• 35:21Speaker 01

  "Do you wanna watch me play Xbox for a weekend?"

• 35:23Matt McCusker?

  Trafficked.

• 35:25Speaker 01

  Congratulations, you've been trafficked by the best.

• 35:27Matt McCusker?

  I thought we were gonna, I thought we were gonna game.

• 35:29Speaker 01

  You just got tricked by one of the all time traffickers.

• 35:36Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's pretty, it's pretty wild, man. But, yeah, I don't know. Here's my, the thing is, if he, if he gets off, like, say, you know, say his defense, you know, they rally, they get him off.

• 35:46Speaker 01

  He's gonna have to team up with Yeh if he gets off.

• 35:48Matt McCusker?

  That's exactly what I was saying.

• 35:50Speaker 01

  He's gonna have to.

• 35:50Matt McCusker?

  There's no choice. He's gonna have to become a Nazi.

• 35:54Speaker 01

  I mean, either way, he might have to become a Nazi if he goes to jail, or if he gets out. Right now, Diddy's in full Nazi territory. He just has to be a Nazi. I wonder if Kanye's music has reached the prisons.

• 36:04Matt McCusker?

  I think so. I think they're getting.

• 36:06Speaker 01

  I wonder if the, he could unite the ABs and the blacks.

• 36:10Matt McCusker?

  Whoa. And, because the whites are.

• 36:13Speaker 01

  Latinos are in trouble if the blacks become Nazis.

• 36:15Matt McCusker?

  The whites are aligned with the Mexican Navy as well in prison.

• 36:18Speaker 01

  The Mexican Navy?

• 36:20Matt McCusker?

  The whites and the Mexicans ride together.

• 36:23Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 36:23Matt McCusker?

  So he could unite the factions. I mean, again, you know, people keep acting like that's genuinely a summer banger. It's like, it's not a summer banger. Let's be real.

• 36:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're right. I don't think it's that.

• 36:36Matt McCusker?

  Is, do you think that's the summer? I mean, again, I don't want to put you in the hot seat.

• 36:38Speaker 01

  The only, I'm not in the hot seat, but I'm pretty sure he sampled "All Quiet on the Western Front", and that's all it took for me. I've been waiting for somebody to sample that fucking noise. It happened to be in the worst song possible. But the first time I listened to it, I heard the "Dan, dan, dan", and I was like, oh, here it comes. And then it went right into, I was like, oh shit.

• 37:00Matt McCusker?

  When that "Dan dan dan" kicks in, I remember, I saw the video being premiered on one, like, the guy's stream, one of the streams.

• 37:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:06Matt McCusker?

  And I remember being like, fuck. But then it goes right back into just.

• 37:09Speaker 01

  "All Quiet on the Western Front" something.

• 37:11Matt McCusker?

  Oh, that's kind of tight.

• 37:13Speaker 01

  I think that's it, right?

• 37:15Matt McCusker?

  He's.

• 37:16Speaker 01

  I haven't heard anyone bring it up, which I'm surprised they haven't.

• 37:19Matt McCusker?

  I didn't know that was "All Quiet on the Western Front".

• 37:21Speaker 01

  As soon as I heard it, I said, it has to be this one, you know? "Stop doing this to me, yay!" "Don't make it the coolest thing possible, yay!"

• 37:31Speaker 01

  Can somebody play the music?

• 37:35Speaker 01

  Kanye, it is the "All Quiet"? Fuck yeah.

• 37:39Matt McCusker?

  Oh, wow.

• 37:40Speaker 01

  I knew it.

• 37:43Speaker 01

  Feel it. I can feel it.

• 37:46Matt McCusker?

  This episode is brought to you by Viori.

• 37:48Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 37:49Matt McCusker?

  I've been wearing the Sunday Performance Joggers and I'll be honest, I didn't expect to have opinions about joggers, but I do.

• 37:55Speaker 01

  Oh, I know you do.

• 37:56Matt McCusker?

  Well, they're soft, lightweight and have four-way stretch, so they can move with you with no restriction. They're technically workout clothes, so you can train in them, but they don't look like workout clothes. You can wear them out and people will think you've got your life together. Honestly, they're comfier than whatever you're wearing right now, unless you're already wearing Viori, in which case, respect.

• 38:19Speaker 01

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• 38:41Matt McCusker?

  This episode is brought to you by AG1. Dude, real quick, gotta tell you guys about this.

• 38:46Speaker 01

  I like this.

• 38:47Matt McCusker?

  I like that too. AG1, the healthy stuff I've been drinking recently. Still just one scoop, once a day, vitamins, minerals, probiotics, all this stuff my actual diet doesn't provide. Mix is great, doesn't taste like a fistfight, package travel easily if you're on the road doing shows or just too lazy to measure anything out, which dude, come on. They also recently came out with AG1 Pro, the same foundation, but with creatine in one simple delicious drink. So if you're someone who trains a lot or wants to get more impact out of your stack, this one might be worth checking out.

• 39:23Matt McCusker?

  So hurry up and go to drinkag1.com/secretpod and for a limited time only, get a free immune support bundle, including omega-3 fish oil and vitamin D3 plus K2 with your first subscription to AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro. That's drinkag1.com/secretpod.

• 39:41Speaker 01

  This episode is brought to you by Quince.

• 39:44Matt McCusker?

  Nice.

• 39:44Speaker 01

  What do you know about Quince?

• 39:45Matt McCusker?

  I love Quince. I'll be, I'll be honest, they sent me the stuff and I, their boxers, they use like cot, like regular materials, not a lot of polyesters, natural fibers. I'm a, I'm a big fan.

• 39:56Speaker 01

  Well, not everyone wants to spend forever on the perfect look. Quince gets that. It's why they make staple pieces for your wardrobe that go with pretty much anything, man. They're, uh, they're really easy to style and they feel great to wear because they're also made with premium materials, including, like you said, organic cotton, merino wool. There's even 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters, starting at just $60. That's, I mean, talk about a deal.

• 40:21Matt McCusker?

  It's pretty crazy.

• 40:22Speaker 01

  That's a bargain.

• 40:23Matt McCusker?

  Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns, now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks you where you heard about them, let them know it was Matt and Shane's secret podcast. It's the best way to support the show. I mean, yeah, and yeah, he've, he could if, if he's got something else up his sleeve. Cause that's obviously my thing is like-

• 40:55Speaker 01

  You know how it just came up right away on my-

• 41:01Matt McCusker?

  Yes.

• 41:07Speaker 01

  Uh, I can't play it, but-

• 41:09Matt McCusker?

  That's the thing. What I'm saying is-

• 41:11Speaker 01

  It's pretty easy to find. If I open Twitter, it's playing.

• 41:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Oh yeah. It's everywhere. My thing is if he, if he dropped one that you can actually play somewhere, that would have been, I think, kinda devastating. Obviously, you know, he got, he, he got his message grown loud and clear, play his song. But I'm saying for more, I, I mean, I don't know why I'm even saying like, he needs, he needs to come out with a more broadly popular. I think he's over that. I think he's been there, done that. Now he's kinda more in a niche.

• 41:36Speaker 01

  Yeah. Now he's, yeah.

• 41:38Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 41:39Speaker 01

  I do, yeah. People were wondering how he was gonna top, I suck my cousin's dick.

• 41:44Matt McCusker?

  No one's even talking about that.

• 41:46Speaker 01

  People are going, there's no way he can top that.

• 41:48Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Imagine announcing that to the world and then the next week everyone's like, yeah, yeah, fuck that. Check this out. And you're like, it's pretty wild.

• 41:55Speaker 01

  People aren't bringing that up. He might've regretted, I suck my cousin's dick song and gone, we gotta hurry you up and get in the studio. We gotta make these people forget about suck my cousin's dick song.

• 42:07Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but dude, where did he find the guys in the video? You see the dudes in the wolf costumes?

• 42:13Speaker 01

  They're down, bro.

• 42:14Matt McCusker?

  I mean, for sure.

• 42:15Speaker 01

  Those guys are all about it.

• 42:17Matt McCusker?

  It's crazy. That's a weird casting call. It's like, bros, let's go. Cause his casting call was.

• 42:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:25Matt McCusker?

  Man, I think he said, uh, man, it's blacker than LeBron, minimum. Which is such a funny. I think, I don't know if it was that exactly, but. Oh, that wasn't AI.

• 42:37Speaker 01

  No, those were, those were real Nazis.

• 42:40Matt McCusker?

  Those dudes.

• 42:44Matt McCusker?

  That's a silent, that's been a silent battle for a while.

• 42:47Speaker 01

  That's gotta be tough for you, Lemar, with your fucking Whoopi Goldberg view sensibilities.

• 42:52Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 42:53Speaker 01

  It's gotta be hard for you to see this.

• 42:55Speaker 05

  It's been, I haven't even, I've, I've been off Kanye for like two years now.

• 43:00Speaker 01

  I know.

• 43:00Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 43:01Matt McCusker?

  You've been off him, you're saying?

• 43:02Speaker 05

  Yeah. I haven't even heard the song yet.

• 43:05Matt McCusker?

  Our Uber driver was blasting it.

• 43:06Speaker 05

  I still haven't heard it yet.

• 43:08Matt McCusker?

  Not the Nazi song.

• 43:09Speaker 01

  Oh, god damn.

• 43:10Matt McCusker?

  Our Uber driver was just blasting Kanye. So he was, you know, he's not off him.

• 43:16Speaker 01

  I'm still listening to Kanye.

• 43:18Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, his songs are great. Yeah.

• 43:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:19Matt McCusker?

  Songs are great. They were, yeah, it was a nice little playlist he had going on.

• 43:22Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 43:23Speaker 01

  The problem is with the new songs, it does get stuck in your head a little.

• 43:26Matt McCusker?

  It completely does.

• 43:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:31Matt McCusker?

  It's fun showing my wife. I was like, check this out. She just got to be like, what the fuck?

• 43:36Speaker 01

  It, it is fun to show people.

• 43:37Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 43:38Speaker 01

  Like there, I was so happy. He goes, I haven't heard it yet. I was like, oh, you haven't heard it yet? Wait till you fucking hear this. You're literally not gonna believe it. While it's playing, you're gonna go.

• 43:49Matt McCusker?

  So wait, is he a billionaire or not? He keeps saying he's a billionaire. Then I hear like, he just like, doesn't even have. He can't even have a bank account. That'd be tough to.

• 43:57Speaker 01

  I think he's allowed to have a bank account again.

• 43:59Matt McCusker?

  Can he?

• 43:59Speaker 01

  Yeah. I think they took it away the first time.

• 44:03Matt McCusker?

  That's crazy.

• 44:04Speaker 01

  That was crazy.

• 44:05Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you can't do that. We gotta pass law. You can't, you can't do that.

• 44:08Speaker 01

  You can't take everything from someone?

• 44:09Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you can't just take the.

• 44:10Speaker 01

  The bad words.

• 44:11Matt McCusker?

  Bank account. Yeah, that's crazy.

• 44:12Speaker 01

  Well. That only happens.

• 44:17Speaker 01

  In certain situations, but.

• 44:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, well. He's.

• 44:27Matt McCusker?

  Wait a second.

• 44:29Speaker 01

  Hold on. Who's that one group? Matt.

• 44:36Speaker 01

  All right, let's switch this.

• 44:38Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 44:39Speaker 01

  What else is going on? Nate was defending Angel Reese with me in a text that was pissing me off. Nate loves Angel Reese. Nate's fucking gay.

• 44:47Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, Katelyn threw a shot, man.

• 44:49Speaker 01

  Fucking, no, Angel Reese flopped. It was just a regular basketball play. Come on, man.

• 44:54Speaker 04

  I wasn't defending Angel Reese. I, not once. I just, huh?

• 45:01Matt McCusker?

  She pushed her heart in.

• 45:03Speaker 01

  I got a feeling, I got a feeling that me is a Katelyn Clark lover.

• 45:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, I wasn't, I wasn't, that was a, she, she did a, she pushed her in the back and then kind of flopped. Katelyn's all small compared to Angel.

• 45:18Matt McCusker?

  She definitely flopped.

• 45:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, nah.

• 45:21Matt McCusker?

  Well, she was, it looked like she was attacking, and she was like, doing a hard fail against Katelyn Clark's teammate.

• 45:28Speaker 01

  Couldn't get the shot up.

• 45:29Matt McCusker?

  And then Clark was like, kind of broke in, like, get off her.

• 45:32Speaker 04

  She made a play on the ball and everything. Like, that was, that was, that shouldn't even have been, I think they gave it a, like, a flagrant foul or something like that, or technical?

• 45:38Matt McCusker?

  It was, it was a pretty, it's also, it's girls' basketball.

• 45:43Matt McCusker?

  It was a hard fail, I think.

• 45:44Speaker 01

  It was the trump card every single time. Anytime people get in like a heated argument about this, you go.

• 45:50Matt McCusker?

  What are we doing here, guys?

• 45:51Speaker 01

  Arguing about girls' basketball?

• 45:54Matt McCusker?

  Guys, what are we even doing here right now? Let's go look at some trucks. Some big boy toys.

• 45:59Speaker 01

  We could look at big boy toys.

• 46:00Matt McCusker?

  We could be looking at big boy toys and we're bickering.

• 46:04Matt McCusker?

  But, yeah, that's, I mean, it's kind of nice that, that's, were you guys excited at all to see Angela Reese beating up on, what's her name?

• 46:12Speaker 01

  Angel.

• 46:12Matt McCusker?

  Angel, oh, my bad. Angel Reese beating up on Katelyn Clark? Be honest. When you saw it, did that like stoke any like tribalism?

• 46:18Speaker 03

  No.

• 46:19Matt McCusker?

  Not.

• 46:19Speaker 01

  Not you.

• 46:21Matt McCusker?

  Not you, dude.

• 46:22Speaker 01

  Not you, dude.

• 46:23Speaker 03

  We're all black production staff now. Did you hear about that?

• 46:27Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 46:27Speaker 03

  Red-haired people are black now. It's a big thing.

• 46:30Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah, I saw that.

• 46:31Speaker 03

  So, as, no, I did not like that.

• 46:34Speaker 01

  Damn, that is fucked up. You're the only white member of the production and you're the richest and the only one that gets paid a million dollars.

• 46:41Speaker 03

  I'm not white.

• 46:42Speaker 01

  That's crazy. The other guys get paid in Chipotle every other week.

• 46:50Speaker 01

  Chipotle every other week is good, dude.

• 46:54Matt McCusker?

  You are the COO, dude. Chief Operations Officer.

• 46:57Speaker 01

  You are. He's the heart and soul of this.

• 47:05Speaker 01

  It'll be funny to edit all this out. Anytime we talk about you being rich, just edit it.

• 47:12Speaker 01

  I'll never know this. I'll never know.

• 47:15Matt McCusker?

  It's crazy. Yeah, that's a, I saw that go. What else is going, is there any like controversy, the sports world is quiet now. It was all Shador Sanders.

• 47:23Speaker 01

  It was all Shador. Now it's, this week it was Katelyn Clark, Angel Reese.

• 47:28Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that was the big one.

• 47:29Speaker 01

  Cause black pundits started going back and forth.

• 47:33Matt McCusker?

  What were they fighting about?

• 47:34Speaker 01

  Uh, RG3, RG3 was just saying Angel Reese clearly is jealous and hates Katelyn Clark. And then Ryan Clark jumped in and was like, you have a white wife, dude. Shut the fuck up.

• 47:47Speaker 01

  And then black people had to pick sides.

• 47:50Matt McCusker?

  Damn.

• 47:51Speaker 01

  Yeah. You can, you can speak on WNBA.

• 47:53Matt McCusker?

  I can.

• 47:54Speaker 01

  You're allowed to. I am not. You're the only one in the room who can speak on WNBA. I know you can't.

• 48:04Speaker 01

  I know, I know. You can't either. No one in the room can talk WNBA other than that.

• 48:08Matt McCusker?

  Just me. Did you see the clip of, uh, Cam'ron and Mace talking about Paul Pierce? Paul Pierce's remarks about why NBA players like tend to date white women?

• 48:19Speaker 01

  No, what was it?

• 48:20Matt McCusker?

  Dude, it was the first like two and a half minutes. Mace was, I guess, remote zooming in from like an Airbnb and then they had, I forget the other guy's name. I don't know who he was. But, um, I believe he was a basketball player, but he, they both have, well, Mace doesn't have a, uh, they both have black wives. And so when they're asking about like, what do you think about that? They both laughed and neither of them would talk. Like, and he's like, well, and they kept like, go ahead and take this. And then Cam'ron was, Cam'ron kept it real as hell. He goes, you motherfuckers are proving the point, dude. You got the pit boss leaning right over you right now.

• 48:57Matt McCusker?

  Cam'ron started talking about how he loves using it to his advantage with white women. Like you did hold my people down. Go get me a fucking sandwich, bitch.

• 49:06Matt McCusker?

  It was funny just watching them giggle for two minutes.

• 49:09Speaker 01

  They're the funniest dudes ever.

• 49:10Matt McCusker?

  They're unbelievable. They're unmatched.

• 49:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, we gotta get, we gotta get them on the, we gotta get them on the pod.

• 49:15Matt McCusker?

  They're so good. But yeah, it was just Mace in a kitchen, just kinda like, huh, it's pretty complicated. Uh, he goes, I can't talk right now. It was unbelievable. But that's a big thing that pops up. There's a lot of black dudes that are, they get a, uh, they just go online and they're just like, this is why we date white, and they love just bashing queens, dude.

• 49:36Speaker 01

  They do bash the queens. They talk about how white women are subservient.

• 49:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 49:41Speaker 01

  They talk about that a lot. I've heard Charleston White go off on it. It was very funny. It was really funny.

• 49:48Speaker 01

  It's undeniably funny.

• 49:51Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it was a, uh, it was very fun. It was very fun to watch them just kinda dancing around on Airbnb, just being like,

• 49:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:57Matt McCusker?

  You go ahead and take, nah, you go. And he goes, well, look, man, I'm, I've been happily married. I don't know about this, but, you know, it was really funny. But it is, it is a hot issue, man. It sucks. My thing is like, it sucks you can't like, just to have like some, you know, smut like put towards your way for having a, a white wife. That's, you know, that hurts my heart.

• 50:17Speaker 01

  It's crazy.

• 50:20Speaker 01

  You guys need to work on that.

• 50:23Speaker 05

  Why is it, why is it, why is it our fault that the white ladies like us?

• 50:28Matt McCusker?

  It's not your fault.

• 50:31Speaker 05

  I say it's a mutually bene-

• 50:33Speaker 01

  I think, I think people like people.

• 50:36Speaker 05

  People love people, yeah. I also think RG3 is right. Ryan Clark was kinda being a dick because he was wrong. He went nuclear because he was wrong.

• 50:46Speaker 01

  There's nothing wrong with that, losing an argument and going, you know what? Fuck you. You have braces.

• 50:53Speaker 01

  I see why, I see why RC hit the fucking eject on the convo. I'm gonna change the topic right now. Don't you have a fucking white wife?

• 51:04Matt McCusker?

  Playing in the snow. Shannon Sharp fucking, Shannon the Sharp got fucking frostbite.

• 51:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, he was out in the cold, too long. Whatever happened with that?

• 51:16Matt McCusker?

  They're still in court.

• 51:17Speaker 01

  They're still in court?

• 51:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, free all the black guys out of court.

• 51:19Speaker 01

  I wanted a speedy trial for that. He's not getting a speedy trial.

• 51:24Matt McCusker?

  Goddamn, free all the black guys or get some pussy for Watson.

• 51:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're finally getting pussy and the goddamn entire judicial system's fucking weaponized against them.

• 51:36Speaker 01

  Can't lick come off your wife anymore?

• 51:39Matt McCusker?

  You can't hire a bunch of male prostitutes on a train and lick it all up at a party?

• 51:43Speaker 01

  Bunch of come off your wife?

• 51:45Matt McCusker?

  Did anyone even check if any of these were his birthday party? What if it was his birthday weekend?

• 51:51Speaker 01

  Your honor, it was his birthday.

• 51:55Speaker 01

  Talking about, I need to talk to my attorney.

• 51:59Speaker 01

  That one was actually my birthday.

• 52:02Speaker 01

  Strike that from the jury. Disregard that, that was his birthday.

• 52:06Speaker 05

  Those male prostitutes had to be super hyped to like, show up and Cassie's there. Cause Cassie's like, top 10 most beautiful women in the world.

• 52:14Speaker 01

  Top 10 most beautiful women in the world?

• 52:16Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 52:16Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 52:17Speaker 01

  Not anymore.

• 52:20Speaker 01

  Their stock has plummeted.

• 52:23Matt McCusker?

  Also, as a male prostitute, most of your day is like, blowing gay guys. They get fine, you know, you get the call, you go, Jesus Christ, thank God. I've been swabbing the deck all day.

• 52:35Speaker 01

  Swabbing the deck, and then you get in there, you see Cassie, you go, this is gonna be great, and then Diddy comes out of the closet, you go, oh shit.

• 52:41Matt McCusker?

  Fuck.

• 52:42Speaker 01

  I'm gonna have to fucking swab the deck again, god damn it.

• 52:46Matt McCusker?

  Dang, that was a battle in court, just the most like, harrowing sexual experiences just coming to light, you go, ha ha, god. Her, oh shit, I remember that, fuck. Just back and forth for the whole country. Stuff.

• 53:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's a fucking nightmare. Nightmare.

• 53:07Speaker 01

  It could be why Epstein killed himself.

• 53:11Speaker 01

  Maybe it wasn't he had too many secrets, he was just like, this trial is gonna be so fucking embarrassing. They have so many texts that just suck. That would keep you awake at night.

• 53:21Matt McCusker?

  Dude, that one clip of the egg shape, that was a brutal clip.

• 53:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, egg shaped dong.

• 53:25Matt McCusker?

  Egg shaped dong was brutal.

• 53:31Speaker 01

  You know what, I'm done with this shit.

• 53:33Matt McCusker?

  We can talk about me being a child sex predator all you like, don't talk about my egg shaped penis.

• 53:39Speaker 01

  Leave my egg out of this.

• 53:40Matt McCusker?

  That's it.

• 53:43Speaker 01

  That's enough. I've had enough. You've put enough on my name today.

• 53:47Matt McCusker?

  You've crossed the line.

• 53:52Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, man, it's like, it's crazy. We're living under a genuine surveillance state anymore. It's just like, not saying you should have giant freak-offs and, you know, drug ladies and allegedly. But it's like.

• 54:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:06Matt McCusker?

  You know, you really can't let your hair down anymore, man. Keep it buttoned up, we're living under a giant Panopticon.

• 54:13Speaker 01

  Used to be able to have fun.

• 54:17Matt McCusker?

  Used to be able to fly under the radar, let's say that now.

• 54:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:20Matt McCusker?

  Although I always assumed that's kind of what every celebrity was doing when I was younger. I just imagined you're in a mansion full of naked women doing drugs. It's kind of what I thought, when they're like, did you get this? It's like, yeah.

• 54:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:35Matt McCusker?

  That's what I thought.

• 54:36Speaker 01

  It is crazy that it did, I mean, we talked about it, but the fact that every black dude on earth was saying every rapper was gay.

• 54:42Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 54:42Speaker 01

  And we were like, what the fuck are they talking about?

• 54:44Matt McCusker?

  I, dude, it was like, you guys are crazy.

• 54:46Speaker 01

  God damn, they nailed it.

• 54:48Matt McCusker?

  That was, that was like, they were saying this 15 years ago.

• 54:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, there's like three that aren't gay and they're chirping, like 50 is. It must feel so good, Meth Man, just to be like, I wasn't one of the gay ones.

• 54:59Matt McCusker?

  Yep.

• 55:02Matt McCusker?

  It's gotta feel good.

• 55:05Matt McCusker?

  Just to be like, yep, wasn't there.

• 55:07Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 55:08Matt McCusker?

  Even getting caught in the crosshairs of it, it's just like, fuck.

• 55:11Speaker 01

  Could have happened to any of us, I would have gone to a fucking Diddy party in a heartbeat.

• 55:14Matt McCusker?

  Bro.

• 55:14Speaker 01

  Not knowing what was gonna hap- if I got there and there was a freak off, I would fucking get the fuck out of there.

• 55:19Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 55:20Speaker 01

  Just because I'd be, I'd be totally embarrassed and humiliated.

• 55:23Matt McCusker?

  True, I'd be. Just a young sapling in the fucking redwoods.

• 55:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:27Matt McCusker?

  Guys, I'm out of here.

• 55:29Speaker 01

  I need a little sunlight. You guys are hogging all the fucking sun.

• 55:34Speaker 01

  And some fucking male stripper would come over and go, hey. Fuck off me. What is this? What kind of party is this?

• 55:41Matt McCusker?

  That'd be so funny to have to go. You're the star witness. You're like, what happened? Be like, I went there and I just got jerked off by a guy.

• 55:46Speaker 01

  Fucking guy tugged me and I ran. Ran out of the house crying.

• 55:53Matt McCusker?

  He tugged me. I, you know, I was.

• 55:56Speaker 01

  He tugged me. I started swinging like a pig and raced, raced out of the party.

• 56:03Matt McCusker?

  And that's when my butt plug fell out.

• 56:06Speaker 01

  I shit everywhere and I had to sprint.

• 56:10Matt McCusker?

  I doubled back for my vibrating raccoon tail butt plug and.

• 56:15Speaker 01

  Damn, if you, if the plug fell out and you dumped, they'd freaks would come out of the walls like cockroaches and clean it up. Ah, where am I?

• 56:25Speaker 01

  Four days of drugs and said, dude, what are we talking about? You go on a four day Bud Light bender. You go, well, oh.

• 56:33Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, man.

• 56:34Speaker 01

  Think about doing drugs and getting tugged and butt sex. You know how fucking tired you must be?

• 56:40Matt McCusker?

  That's crazy. Tony, they have like, you, you need like IVs and shit. You need like IVs. Yeah, it's insane. Not eating. You're like laying there. The next morning.

• 56:51Speaker 01

  Your eating must be fucking hell in there too.

• 56:54Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah. Unless I, I don't know a single person who's ever, that's just movies where they're like eating a turkey leg and having sex. I don't know.

• 57:01Speaker 01

  They're probably doing that.

• 57:02Matt McCusker?

  Sex eating?

• 57:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, but yeah, a lot of grapes.

• 57:07Speaker 01

  A lot of people handing you grapes.

• 57:09Matt McCusker?

  Usher's bowl of cherries. That's my favorite footage of Usher allegedly destroying marriages. Did you ever see those cherries?

• 57:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:17Matt McCusker?

  Just.

• 57:18Speaker 01

  It's evil.

• 57:19Matt McCusker?

  Bro, but they're, cherries is weird because when he holds. them up, they look like a little boy's testicles. And there's just a forty year old lady like just swirling him around.

• 57:27Speaker 01

  Fucking cut that out.

• 57:28Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's, it's kind of, you know, it's not really a responsible behavior.

• 57:33Speaker 01

  No.

• 57:33Matt McCusker?

  Dude, imagine seeing your babe. Did you see some of that footage? Dude, they're like, like, eyes closed, like, uh, like grunting. It's like, what the fuck, man? Like, I get it.

• 57:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's Usher, it's Usher, dude, I get it. It's Usher, you're wet, you're horny.

• 57:50Matt McCusker?

  It's public record.

• 57:50Speaker 01

  It does have herpes, so allegedly.

• 57:52Matt McCusker?

  That's why he uses, that's why he uses the bowl of cherries.

• 57:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, allegedly, by the way.

• 57:58Speaker 01

  Allegedly.

• 57:59Matt McCusker?

  There's a guy who claims Usher gave him herpes through gay sex.

• 58:04Speaker 01

  What is going on with these fellows?

• 58:06Matt McCusker?

  I don't know, dude.

• 58:08Speaker 01

  Are the honks innocent or are the honks quiet during all this?

• 58:12Speaker 01

  The honks are awfully quiet right now.

• 58:13Speaker 05

  The honks are being quiet, but, you know, there were some, there were some.

• 58:15Speaker 01

  We had Epstein's island. We had the fucking.

• 58:19Speaker 05

  Bieber.

• 58:20Speaker 03

  Bieber's on one since the trial started, he's been acting out.

• 58:23Matt McCusker?

  He's been acting, I don't even think he's acting, I don't know, I've seen it. He doesn't seem that crazy, he's posting shit on Instagram.

• 58:29Speaker 03

  I've just seen, yeah, maybe, I've seen little clips here and there.

• 58:33Matt McCusker?

  He's just faded, I saw some of that too, and he's just kinda.

• 58:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's off to L.

• 58:38Matt McCusker?

  He's just, he's just standing in his room, kinda like with his hat like this, just kinda like rapping to himself kinda high.

• 58:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, I.

• 58:45Matt McCusker?

  A lot of people are, yeah, a lot of people are.

• 58:47Speaker 01

  I don't understand the Bieber hysteria.

• 58:51Matt McCusker?

  We've seen him's kinda crunk?

• 58:53Speaker 01

  I just think he's crunk right now.

• 58:55Matt McCusker?

  I mean, I'd be getting crunk if everyone was like, are you okay? And you're like, what? The whole Diddy thing, but get the fuck out of my face.

• 59:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:02Matt McCusker?

  I'm getting crunk right now.

• 59:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm not worried about anything, I'm crunk.

• 59:08Speaker 01

  Why is everyone asking if I'm alright? I've been crunk this whole time. Fuck. Nothing worse than being crunk and someone goes, are you alright?

• 59:15Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, nothing would crush my vibe.

• 59:16Speaker 01

  What the fuck? I thought we were having a good time.

• 59:18Matt McCusker?

  You're at the club, just having a good time, it's the IG live.

• 59:21Speaker 01

  And someone comes up to you and goes, you should go home, you go, oh shit. I thought I was killing it tonight.

• 59:28Matt McCusker?

  He does rule, I thought about it. Is there, I saw some thing trying to say like, he lost all of his money and this and that, I'm like, dude, Beebs is a legend. He's killed it for so, he killed it for so long. We support the Beebers.

• 59:40Speaker 01

  We support the Beebs.

• 59:41Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, boy. But yeah, I was, uh, yeah, I was a little sensitive in my hotel room. I was going, I saw that clip, like, he lost all of his money and I was like, leave the man alone.

• 59:50Speaker 01

  I bet he didn't.

• 59:51Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I was, I was saying, I'm like, dude, it's almost impossible.

• 59:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, he has a lot of money.

• 59:59Speaker 01

  Well, that's probably worth.

• 1:00:01Matt McCusker?

  Two hundred million.

• 1:00:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's all right then.

• 1:00:03Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, two hundred mil. They're like, he lost all of his money. Now he only has two hundred million. It's like. It'd be all right. He's got enough to get crunk on IG live. He's good.

• 1:00:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, if you have two hundred million, you're gonna get crunk on IG live.

• 1:00:18Matt McCusker?

  And at any point, he can go do a tour and make.

• 1:00:21Speaker 01

  That is all better. All this behavior is better than Zuckerberg's outfit.

• 1:00:27Speaker 01

  That's a guy who's losing his fucking mind.

• 1:00:31Matt McCusker?

  Does, does he? I don't know if this is true. Does he live in like an underground like cave in Hawaii?

• 1:00:37Speaker 01

  I think he bought a tunnel.

• 1:00:40Matt McCusker?

  Zuck might have a tunnel, dude.

• 1:00:42Speaker 01

  Zuck's tunneling. He got the best tunnel.

• 1:00:48Matt McCusker?

  I don't know if that's his house.

• 1:00:49Speaker 01

  Jewish man's dream. I'm gonna get a beachfront tunnel.

• 1:00:56Matt McCusker?

  Does he? Look that up, because I did see some sort of diagram. I didn't watch it.

• 1:01:00Speaker 03

  He lives in a ranch of five thousand square, uh, that, he lives in a ranch in Hawaii that has a five thousand square foot bunker.

• 1:01:10Speaker 01

  The fuck?

• 1:01:13Speaker 01

  Damn, that is nice when you upgrade your tunnel so much, they have to call it a bunker.

• 1:01:20Speaker 01

  The Jewish bunkers under New York sounds a lot better.

• 1:01:24Matt McCusker?

  It does. Dang, that's crazy.

• 1:01:27Speaker 01

  Tunnels sucks.

• 1:01:30Matt McCusker?

  That would be sick, though, just arguing with your wife and just being like, just retiring to the bunker.

• 1:01:34Speaker 01

  I'm going to the bunker.

• 1:01:36Matt McCusker?

  Just go like forty fucking. Four hundred feet underground, bitch.

• 1:01:42Speaker 01

  Down there screaming, just can't hear you in the bunker, bitch. Bitch.

• 1:01:49Matt McCusker?

  See El Chapo just pop into your living room, you're like, what the fuck?

• 1:01:52Speaker 01

  El Chapo, yeah, the Mexicans and Jews must have bumped into each other.

• 1:01:58Matt McCusker?

  What the heck are you doing down here?

• 1:02:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's nice. I understand the tunneling now.

• 1:02:05Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, get down there.

• 1:02:07Speaker 01

  So you remember when it would snow when you were a kid? You go, I'd love to build a tunnel.

• 1:02:10Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah, dude.

• 1:02:11Speaker 01

  It's like the way Billy likes big boy toys.

• 1:02:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:14Speaker 01

  I bet Jewish dudes, you're like, why are you tunneling? They're like, I don't know, I just, it's like my favorite thing.

• 1:02:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I just like to do it.

• 1:02:19Speaker 01

  It's fun. It's fun to do sneaky, no one knows what I'm doing down there. I don't know what it is. I just like tunneling underneath New York.

• 1:02:26Matt McCusker?

  I could be, you know, my house, next thing I know, no one sees me.

• 1:02:28Speaker 01

  Next thing I know, I just pop up in another house and everyone goes, who the fuck is this guy?

• 1:02:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, we can't, we're never gonna move on. Number one, Mexican, Mexican boat hitting the bridge. It's never not gonna be funny.

• 1:02:40Matt McCusker?

  All-timer.

• 1:02:40Speaker 01

  Jewish guy coming out of the fucking sewer grave. It's the funniest fucking thing I've ever seen.

• 1:02:46Matt McCusker?

  God, that would ruin my day. If I was Jewish, just like eating breakfast, reading the newspaper, and I just saw that a Jewish guy got caught, and it wasn't like, it was like, yeah. And it had to be like the like, capital J Jewish guys with the fucking, the do. I'd be like, bro, dude, I'd call a meeting. I'd be like, guys, we gotta hit the gog and figure this out. This is bullshit.

• 1:03:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, we gotta talk at the gog.

• 1:03:11Matt McCusker?

  We gotta hit the gog.

• 1:03:12Speaker 01

  Everyone get to the gog.

• 1:03:17Speaker 01

  That was, that's probably there, like, that was kind of ours. Charlottesville was tough for the honks.

• 1:03:22Matt McCusker?

  Yes.

• 1:03:23Speaker 01

  I remember that, because we, I vividly remember that. We had a podcast, then we had a live podcast at helium the night before, and I was like, Trump fucking rules, white people are back, ah, thinking it was funny. The next day Charlottesville happened, and I was hungover, laying on a couch, watching the news, going,

• 1:03:39Speaker 01

  not good. We might have to delete that podcast.

• 1:03:41Matt McCusker?

  We changed the title as well.

• 1:03:43Speaker 01

  The title must have been nuts.

• 1:03:44Matt McCusker?

  The title was, you know what the title was? I remember.

• 1:03:46Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:03:47Matt McCusker?

  Charlottesville.

• 1:03:51Matt McCusker?

  And I had to change it.

• 1:03:52Speaker 01

  Charlottesville.

• 1:03:55Matt McCusker?

  I had to change it. I remember that. I forget what I changed it to.

• 1:03:59Speaker 01

  We probably had a conversation on the phone, just like, dude, I don't know. Yeah, it's fucking hilarious, but I don't think we should do it. Charlottesville, yeah.

• 1:04:12Speaker 01

  Fuck.

• 1:04:13Matt McCusker?

  I know what an idiot.

• 1:04:14Speaker 01

  Dude, The Hangover, I laying on the couch watching Charlottesville, just going,

• 1:04:20Speaker 01

  "Damn, I said a lot of crazy shit last night. I didn't know they're gonna do this today."

• 1:04:24Matt McCusker?

  Exactly, that's the fucked up part.

• 1:04:25Speaker 01

  Nothing we could do about it, we didn't know.

• 1:04:27Matt McCusker?

  That's what happened to me when I was in grade school. I, I wrote like,

• 1:04:29Speaker 01

  Oh yeah.

• 1:04:30Matt McCusker?

  I copy and pasted some sort of rap lyrics about shooting someone. The next day Columbine happened and I was like, shit.

• 1:04:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:37Matt McCusker?

  Goddamn, reported and kicked off AOL.

• 1:04:41Matt McCusker?

  Getting kicked off AOL was bull.

• 1:04:42Speaker 01

  It was a death sentence back then.

• 1:04:44Matt McCusker?

  Imagine no messenger after school.

• 1:04:46Speaker 01

  Getting home, trying to text their,

• 1:04:48Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:48Speaker 01

  I am, I am.

• 1:04:50Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's a message.

• 1:04:51Speaker 01

  One of the babes.

• 1:04:52Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I,

• 1:04:53Speaker 01

  Get hit with an away message, you go, ooh.

• 1:04:55Matt McCusker?

  I don't think the person can get in trouble for this, but I knew someone who had, who found one of his teacher's AOL screen names and just anonymously for a year, just bought like, very viciously attacked this guy online. Nobody knew. I was surprised his classmates knew and they didn't, nobody snitched. He got pulled into the disciplinarians office.

• 1:05:19Speaker 01

  Oh, I would've snitched right away.

• 1:05:21Matt McCusker?

  It was crazy. He got like grilled and he was just like, and dude, the, the name was, oh my God, what was the name? Silver Thunder six, four twenty sixty nine.

• 1:05:30Speaker 01

  Was it the kid, the kid's name?

• 1:05:31Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it was a screen name. Silver Thunder, and it was, it was just his screen name.

• 1:05:34Speaker 01

  He was just attacking the teacher.

• 1:05:36Matt McCusker?

  Silver, I think it was Silver Thunder, remember that, like malt liquor Silver Thunder?

• 1:05:39Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:05:39Matt McCusker?

  It was just Silver Thunder four twenty. Just having that guy calling you Fs and Bs on the internet.

• 1:05:47Matt McCusker?

  And the dude would be like, who is this?

• 1:05:50Matt McCusker?

  What's up, F? What's up, B?

• 1:05:57Speaker 01

  Just getting home from a long day of school, all the kids are fucking pieces of shit. You go, alright, I'm gonna see what's going on on the world wide web. Oh, it's followed me home.

• 1:06:07Matt McCusker?

  Did you have any teachers in high school that had zero control of the class?

• 1:06:11Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:06:12Matt McCusker?

  That was the best, dude.

• 1:06:13Speaker 01

  Almost like all of the teachers.

• 1:06:16Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 1:06:16Speaker 01

  Dude, my high school was like a poor Catholic school.

• 1:06:19Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:06:20Speaker 01

  So it was, we had teachers that were making like 20 grand a year. None of them were qualified. I don't even think you had to have a teaching degree. Yeah, there was one lady who was, she was, I don't know, she was fucking blind. But I used, we had doors in the front and back of the classroom. And when she was teaching and I had a period off, I would see how many times I could walk laps through her class before she noticed. She'd be teaching and I would just be walking through the class. By like the sixth lap, she'd be like, Mr. Gallus,

• 1:06:51Speaker 01

  what are you doing in here? She was like a fucking idiot. We had a lady who, big dog, she was actually, she was funny, she was nice, but actually she was our science teacher. We went on a field trip and she was like, what do you guys want to do for lunch? And I was like, old country buffet. I got a chain on the bus and she was like, old country buffet. She took us to OCB.

• 1:07:12Matt McCusker?

  That's awesome.

• 1:07:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, she was awesome. But I would sing Werewolves of London under my breath at all times. Whilst, anytime she turned her back, I go, I saw a werewolf, a Chinese, and she'd go.

• 1:07:25Speaker 01

  Right, yeah. And then, oh fuck, there was a game we played. It was like cow in the pen or something where we would all pick up our desks and surround her.

• 1:07:40Speaker 01

  She was just one of those ladies. I was like, what are you guys doing? Cut it out.

• 1:07:43Matt McCusker?

  That's aw, that's so sick.

• 1:07:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, she was awesome.

• 1:07:47Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, we, every now and again, you'd hit the jackpot in high school and your teacher would be like a totally autistic nerd. Like, we could do whatever we want here. We had one guy who was just, every time he turned around, like five kids would go, his name was Mr. Horn, everyone go, Horn! Knock it off. It's like, what the fuck?

• 1:08:08Speaker 01

  It's the only way to combat it.

• 1:08:10Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:08:10Speaker 01

  Cause if you spaz, it's over.

• 1:08:12Matt McCusker?

  Oh, dude.

• 1:08:12Speaker 01

  Cause you'd have teachers that spaz.

• 1:08:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:14Speaker 01

  We had teachers, we had teachers spaz all, we had ladies cry constantly. And then, oh man, that was the best. When we were growing up, we had a teacher that would cry all the time and spaz, but she also sang in the church choir. And we didn't have a choir, but she would sing at church. We had like one lady sing. Did you ever have that?

• 1:08:33Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:34Speaker 01

  It was just one woman. They'd play organs and you'd hear a lady, but uh, we uh, we would always tell her how much we loved her singing. Gentlewoman.

• 1:08:43Matt McCusker?

  Such a good song.

• 1:08:44Speaker 01

  Peaceful love.

• 1:08:45Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:46Speaker 01

  And her and another lesbian teacher would sing it. They would duet it. And we would be like, can you guys, can you please sing it? And they'd be like, fine. We'd be in the middle of class. We'd be like, can you please sing that song? And she would sing it and we would all laugh.

• 1:09:04Speaker 01

  She would do it again. She fell for it every time.

• 1:09:06Matt McCusker?

  Oh, that's so fucking funny.

• 1:09:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:09:08Matt McCusker?

  The Ave Maria used to genuinely fuck me up when I was little. I'd be like, just being a monster in church, just like checking out babes, just fucking around with my brothers. And they'd hit the Ave Maria and I'd be like, God, this is so fucking beautiful.

• 1:09:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, there'd be some nice ones.

• 1:09:20Matt McCusker?

  The cantor, that's the cantor would belt out. We had that. We literally had an organ lady who would like crush tigs between songs. And then we just had like, you know, cantors here and there would come in and strut their stuff.

• 1:09:30Speaker 01

  The uh, we've talked about that thing before, but the one that always got me was at the end of Christmas mass, they sang Joy to the World. Fired me up every time.

• 1:09:39Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:39Speaker 01

  Once it started, I'd be like, oh, it's time to play with fucking my big boy toys.

• 1:09:45Speaker 01

  This is the most lit song. It was Charlottesville.

• 1:09:48Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:49Speaker 01

  It was too lady. It was lady.

• 1:09:52Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that was sick dude. When the toys, when you're like, we're finally leaving.

• 1:09:57Speaker 01

  Church is done, dude.

• 1:09:58Matt McCusker?

  Let's get.

• 1:09:58Speaker 01

  It was the longest mass of all time.

• 1:10:00Matt McCusker?

  Oh my God.

• 1:10:00Speaker 01

  It was one hour, but it felt like an eternity.

• 1:10:02Matt McCusker?

  It did. Took forever.

• 1:10:04Speaker 01

  Whole bunch of toys at home.

• 1:10:05Matt McCusker?

  And then the priest, they would like, people start leaving. I'd look at my mom like, she'd be like, not until the priest goes by. I'm like, fuck.

• 1:10:11Speaker 01

  No, you always have to wait for the fucking priest to go. And then we gotta shake his hand out in the fucking.

• 1:10:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:15Speaker 01

  Northex. Now, what was it called? The, what the fuck's a Northex?

• 1:10:19Matt McCusker?

  The, not the annex. It's not the annex. It's uh, I know what you're talking about. That little area outside.

• 1:10:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:25Matt McCusker?

  What the hell was that called? I, I like blank on that terminology all the time. I'm always kinda like.

• 1:10:34Matt McCusker?

  The Northex.

• 1:10:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's the North X. We gotta meet up in the North X to shake the priest's hand.

• 1:10:42Matt McCusker?

  The North X is such a crazy...

• 1:10:47Speaker 01

  It's all in there.

• 1:10:49Matt McCusker?

  It's you guys rattling around. Yeah, you have to go shake his hand.

• 1:10:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, you gotta talk to him.

• 1:10:54Matt McCusker?

  We had a guy-

• 1:10:54Speaker 01

  You gotta explain to the priest why you were talking during Mass today.

• 1:10:59Speaker 01

  I was bad. And he goes, "Well, I'm gonna suck your dick."

• 1:11:05Matt McCusker?

  You are a bad boy. We had a guy who was, when he wasn't doing Mass, he would chill in the North X and catch the early defectors and be like, "What's the rush?" And you'd have to just walk by. I'm like, "Shit."

• 1:11:17Speaker 01

  Getting out to the North X was so nice, though. During Mass, just be like, "I have to go to the bathroom." And your parents would be like, "No, you fuckin'... I know you don't have to go to the fuckin'... Dad, I have to shit. I have to poop, Dad. Shut the fuck up.

• 1:11:31Speaker 01

  Shut the fuck up right now."

• 1:11:36Matt McCusker?

  I would see my brother go. He would come back and be like, "Can I go to the bathroom?" He's like, "You guys should wait before we game."

• 1:11:43Matt McCusker?

  "I'll be real quick." I would literally just walk around.

• 1:11:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, you'd just go out to the North X, go, "God damn, it's nice out here. It's quiet. No one's out here. Feel like I'm doing something."

• 1:11:51Matt McCusker?

  I would see the family standing because they didn't get a seat. I'd be like, "That's so sick. I wanna stand so bad."

• 1:11:55Speaker 01

  I wish I was standing in the back.

• 1:11:56Matt McCusker?

  Fucking standing in the back. Fucking bitch.

• 1:11:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, my dad would spend the full hour, just the most furious anyone's ever been. Start to finish of Mass.

• 1:12:08Speaker 01

  He'd fucking make a noise and be like,

• 1:12:13Speaker 01

  "Shut the fuck up. Come here. Come here. Come here." You had to sit next to him. He'd go, "Fuck." He goes, "Go fuck. Shut the fuck up." He'd grab you by the back of the neck and dig in and go, "Shut the fuck up."

• 1:12:29Speaker 01

  "Sing. Sing a fucking song."

• 1:12:33Matt McCusker?

  It'd be me and my brothers and then you'd get separated out.

• 1:12:36Speaker 01

  Whoever gets sent down next to that, that blows, dude.

• 1:12:38Matt McCusker?

  Oh, it sucked so bad. It was nice though when another one, I'd have another one of my brothers get picked off, then you'd somehow get back together, you'd be like, it's on.

• 1:12:45Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:12:46Matt McCusker?

  Yo, look at her yellow dress, she's so fucking.

• 1:12:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, fucking slut, dude.

• 1:12:51Speaker 01

  It is crazy, man. Every single boy is just fucking rock hard.

• 1:12:56Matt McCusker?

  Diamond hard.

• 1:12:56Speaker 01

  The most horny you've ever been in your life and your dad's next to you going.

• 1:13:02Speaker 01

  God damn it.

• 1:13:04Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I used to get so.

• 1:13:05Speaker 01

  All my sons have boners. All my boys have boners.

• 1:13:08Matt McCusker?

  I would kneel down and go like this and just slap my balls against my leg the whole time. Knock it off.

• 1:13:14Speaker 01

  I wonder, uh, you know, I never got around to asking my sisters, but do you think the ladies get fucking horny in there too?

• 1:13:21Matt McCusker?

  Definitely.

• 1:13:21Speaker 01

  You think the girls are horny too?

• 1:13:23Matt McCusker?

  For sure.

• 1:13:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, they must be.

• 1:13:24Matt McCusker?

  For absolute sure. I used to get so bored that the priest, I would, it would literally, my vision would go into black and white. I vividly remember staring and just going into black and white and just being like.

• 1:13:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:13:37Matt McCusker?

  Hey, stand up, we're standing up there.

• 1:13:39Speaker 01

  Fuck up, get your ass off the pew.

• 1:13:41Matt McCusker?

  Drop the kneeler quietly. Cause I was gonna say.

• 1:13:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:13:45Matt McCusker?

  Hey.

• 1:13:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, Catholic church fucking ruled, bro. Jackass. You guys don't even know.

• 1:13:52Matt McCusker?

  It was tight, man.

• 1:13:53Speaker 01

  La Mer hates Catholicism.

• 1:13:55Speaker 04

  I went to Catholic school.

• 1:13:56Speaker 01

  True, you got kicked out for diddying. You had a free golf, they kicked you out.

• 1:14:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, it used to suck.

• 1:14:03Speaker 01

  Catholic church?

• 1:14:04Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:14:04Speaker 01

  Mass, dude?

• 1:14:05Speaker 04

  It used to be so boring. I came from black church to Catholic church and that was a devastating switch.

• 1:14:10Matt McCusker?

  It's a hard step down.

• 1:14:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:14:11Speaker 01

  It is.

• 1:14:12Speaker 04

  And I couldn't, and since I wasn't Catholic, like I was baptized, but I wasn't Catholic, so I couldn't do communion. Like that was just part, so I just had to sit there and just.

• 1:14:20Matt McCusker?

  Whoever thought you had a mortal sin on your soul too? Embarrassing.

• 1:14:23Speaker 04

  I never got to, they wouldn't let me confess to the priest. I just had to sit there with my sins.

• 1:14:28Speaker 01

  Oh, that sucks.

• 1:14:29Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 1:14:30Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:14:31Speaker 01

  We had church, did you guys have church during school hours?

• 1:14:34Speaker 04

  Uh, sometimes.

• 1:14:35Speaker 01

  Cause that would fucking rock. You go, every, every class is gonna be 10 minutes shorter.

• 1:14:38Matt McCusker?

  Yep.

• 1:14:39Speaker 01

  Fuck yeah.

• 1:14:40Matt McCusker?

  Me and my boys would belt out too. It was so fun.

• 1:14:42Speaker 01

  Church and school was fucking hilarious.

• 1:14:45Matt McCusker?

  First Friday mass, just belting out with your boys.

• 1:14:47Speaker 01

  Screaming as loud as you can.

• 1:14:48Matt McCusker?

  The teacher would look and just be like.

• 1:14:49Speaker 01

  I'm singing, I'm allowed to sing.

• 1:14:50Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 1:14:51Speaker 01

  Singing the songs is how I sing. You don't know how I sing.

• 1:14:55Matt McCusker?

  That's how I worship. Get off my back.

• 1:14:57Speaker 01

  All right, we should switch over to Patreon.

• 1:14:59Matt McCusker?

  Bye.

• 1:15:10Speaker 00

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• 1:15:25Speaker 06

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short, and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.