14 Signs You Don't Love Yourself Enough

You might be neglecting the most important relationship you have—the one with yourself! Today we’re diving into the heart of what it means to truly embrace and cultivate self-love, a topic that's often discussed yet rarely unpacked with the depth and authenticity it deserves. I'm sharing the 14 SIGNS YOU DON’T LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH that just might change your perspective on self-love, the way you see yourself and how you navigate your journey towards becoming your best self. You’ll learn: The Hard Truth about Self-Love How Discipline is one of the highest forms of self-love How to align Your Life with Your Values How setting and adhering to high personal standards as a testament to self-love. How to Experience the joy and fulfillment that come from living authentically, aligned with your true self and potential. I believe that to love ourselves truly, we must strive to be ourselves fully. This means pursuing our goals with discipline, living in congruence with our values, and continually seeking to expand and grow. It's about setting high standards for ourselves and not settling for mediocrity or complacency. Take this episode as an invitation and a guide to LOVE YOURSELF MORE through the actions you take and the choices you make every day. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Ed Mylett?

  So hey guys, are you frustrated with where you're at right now? Maybe stunted in your progress? Well, if you are, I want to recommend a place for you to go called Growth Day. GrowthDay.com/Ed. It is the number one personal development app on the planet. It's got all kinds of high-performance techniques in there. Courses, accountability, journaling, live speeches from some of the top influencers in the world, including me. It's an overall environment to change your life. GrowthDay.com/Ed. I hear so many small business owners say the exact same thing. They just never have enough time in the day. Well, I measure time differently. I've compressed, condensed, heck, I've bent time. My first day is 6:00 a.m. to noon. My second day starts at noon and goes till 6:00 p.m.

• 0:43Ed Mylett?

  And my third day, 6:00 p.m. to midnight. I now get 21 days a week. Stack that up over a month, over a year, over five years, and my life's completely different than it would have been otherwise. And if you want to win as an entrepreneur, you have to compress your time too. And you definitely can't afford to waste it waiting weeks on a big bank for capital. Your best bet's to work with my friends at Cardiff. They know how to compress time for entrepreneurs. They get your business approved in minutes and funded the very same day. They're America's favorite small business lender, and for good reason. Over 20 years in business, over 12 billion deployed to small business across America. Stop letting bank delays slow down your momentum. Head to Cardiff.co/Ed. That's Cardiff.co/Ed. Cardiff.co. Real growth, fast funding.

• 1:28Ed Mylett?

  Cardiff, borrow better.

• 1:35Speaker 01

  This is the Ed Meyer Show.

• 1:39Ed Mylett?

  Welcome back to the show today, everybody. So excited you're with me. Today's topic is self-love. And it's probably one of the most common topics on all of social media or podcasting. But I'd like to take a look at loving oneself from a different perspective today. Kind of my angle on it. And it's probably a little bit different than you've heard before. You know, I've often said with many of my friends that I want my friends to love me, but I don't want them to accept me. And I think sometimes we conflate loving oneself with having to accept everything about ourselves. And I just don't believe that's true. In fact, I don't think you can love yourself unless you're truly being yourself. You know, adhering to your values, your disciplines, the things that you most want to pursue in your life,

• 2:21Ed Mylett?

  that you're taking actions in accordance to that, that you're living in congruency with what you say you want. And so there's a difference between loving somebody and accepting them. My great friends, I tell them all the time, I love you, I believe in you, but I don't want them to accept all my stuff. I want them to expect of me better than I'm doing. I want them to believe in me and love me so much that they see the version of me I could be, that I'm capable of becoming. I think that's what a great friend does, and I think if you're going to be the best friend to yourself, perhaps it's time to take a look at loving oneself from a little bit different perspective. And so I understand the idea of having to feel good about yourself and to have that internal dialogue with yourself that's favorable. I mean, let's just be honest.

• 3:04Ed Mylett?

  Studies tell us that 80% upwards of 90% of most people's thoughts are negative about themselves in a given day. Isn't that an incredible number? 80 to 90% of our thoughts about ourself are negative? So obviously, we need to take a look at that and audit that and change that. So how do we think differently about ourselves? And by the way, we don't have to believe everything we think in our life. Most of the thoughts we have aren't true anyways. Whether they're about ourselves, other people, circumstances, situations, we don't always have to just to accept what we think. In fact, many of us would be better off not listening to ourselves so often and talk to ourselves a little bit more. Speak truth to ourselves. Speak power to our spells. Speak faith to ourselves. Speak peace to ourselves.

• 3:49Ed Mylett?

  And so here's my version of self-love for today's topic. And there are other aspects of self-love that I'm going to cover today. But this is the piece everybody's missing. It's like, just love yourself as you are. Well, you know, would you want to do that with your children? Just anything, you love them, but are you going to accept everything they do? Should there be no improvement, no behavior change, no growth? I think with most people we love, we also expect something from them in terms of the values they live up to, their performance. I love both my children very much. But when they're not living up to their capacity, when they're not living up to what they're capable of, or just behaving in a way that doesn't serve them, our family, or other people. I want to make sure they know that that's not acceptable.

• 4:34Ed Mylett?

  And so the day that I realized, write this down, the day that I realized that discipline is one of the purest forms of self-love. That when you discipline yourself, you're truly loving yourself. When you discipline another person, you're discipling to them, you're loving them. Even in the Bible, Jesus rebuked the apostles when he needed to. Discipline gives me the confidence that I need to forge ahead in life. And so I want you to begin to consider, is there an element of self-love or a large element of self-love that requires discipline? And like I said, I want my friends to love me, but I don't want them to accept me all the time. And I want to love myself, but part of loving myself is not accepting all of my stories, not accepting all of my behavior. I mean,

• 5:20Ed Mylett?

  here's what self-love really is. It's a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from the actions we take that support our physical, psychological, and spiritual growth. Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness, and having a high enough regard for yourself that you want to treat yourself physically, emotionally, spiritually, in a way that you're worthy of, and not accept from yourself behavior. That's less than that. I mean, listen, I, I love myself enough not to eat terribly all the time. I love myself enough not to, not pursue my dreams and goals. I love myself enough to believe in myself enough to discipline myself,

• 6:02Ed Mylett?

  to pursue my ultimate capacity, because it's only then that I can reveal the true me. It's only then that I'm living in congruence with myself. So I'll say it to you again, you can't love yourself if you're not being yourself. And sometimes being ourselves requires taking an inventory of who we really are, re-audiating what we really want, who we really want to become. Maybe we're living an old dream or an old story. You know, maybe lately we haven't behaving in a way where we're treating our bodies with the love it deserves. The hydration, the good food. The physical exercise required to truly love our bodies. And I just don't believe that you could just love yourself when you're not eating. Well, at least most of the time.

• 6:45Ed Mylett?

  Hydrating most of the time. If you're pouring drugs and alcohol into your body on a regular basis, that's not loving yourself. That's punishing yourself. That's hating yourself. And so this notion that self-love is just like, "Take me as I am." That's a bunch of BS to me. I just don't believe it. And the notion that you should just continue to treat yourself poorly. And just accept it. It's not what I want out of my friends. It's not what I expect out of myself. It's not what I want from my children. It's not from anybody that I love. Is that true? In fact, I think true love is being able to be willing to speak truth to somebody. You know, the higher you climb in life, it's harder to find real friends. Because everybody starts to, "Yes, you. Yes, you. Yes, you." All the time. You have a lot of yes people around you.

• 7:30Ed Mylett?

  And I know the people in my life that really love me, they'll tell me the truth about me. Hey, that's BS. Or, "Hey, man, come on, you're better than that." Or, "Cut that out." Or whatever it might be. When my friends do that at this stage in my life, those are the ones who really love me. That speak truth to me. And so the first thing I would just say is being mindful. People who have more self-love tend to know what they think, what they feel, and what they want. Right? On a given time. And they're auditing that regularly. The second thing you do is you take actions based on need rather than want. Take actions based on need rather than want. By staying focused on what you need, you turn away from automatic behavior patterns that tend to get you into trouble, that keep you stuck in the past.

• 8:13Ed Mylett?

  Really, they lessen self-love when you have patterns and behaviors and habits that don't serve you. What increases self-love is treating yourself out of what you need, not just what you want. In any given moment, I may want something. But it's not really what my body needs, my spirit needs, my psychology needs, my mindset needs. Here's another thing you're not going to hear every day. Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing them all the time just to please other people. Too many of us, including myself and maybe you, will sacrifice our own needs, what we really need in our life, just to please other people, not to inconvenience them, not to make them uncomfortable. You know, maybe what you need to do is really pursue that dream you have right now, but you're not doing it because you don't want to make the people around you uncomfortable.

• 8:57Ed Mylett?

  Maybe what you really need to do right now is see a therapist, or go to a gym, or change the way you eat, but you don't want to make the people around you uncomfortable. Don't sacrifice your own needs just to please other people. That is not a form of self-love. Okay? Really, truthfully speaking, you can't transfer to somebody that which you're not experiencing yourself. What do I mean by that? If you truly want to love the people around you to your maximum capacity, your max-out capacity, the limitation to your ability to show them love is actually capped by how much love you feel for yourself. You can only transfer to somebody a limited amount of what you're not experiencing. You have to be experiencing something fully in order to transfer it to somebody else. And so, please understand this.

• 9:41Ed Mylett?

  To the extent that you invest in your own love, in your own care, in your, and what I mean by this when I say is your own self-disciplines. Remember, I'm connecting self-discipline and disciplines to love. The more you do those things to treat yourself wonderfully, beautifully, faithfully, the more you can extend love in a way that you've probably never experienced before to other people. When you truly have self-discipline in your life, and you're doing the things that you know serve you the most, you will find a whole new level, not only for yourself of love, but your ability to give it and for other people to feel it from you. So, next level is this. Practicing good self-care. You will love yourself more when you take better care of your basic needs.

• 10:22Ed Mylett?

  People high in self-love nourish themselves daily through healthy activities. Like I've said, sound nutrition, exercise, proper sleep, intimacy, prayer, meditation, healthy social interactions. The next thing is this. You gotta make room for healthy habits. Start truly caring for yourself by mirroring that in what you eat, how you exercise, and what you spend time doing. By the way, Earlier when I was talking about that 80, 90% of our thoughts aren't ones that serve us. What if we replace just 50% of those negative thoughts with loving, compassionate, and supportive thoughts about ourselves? What if you did that? What if you took 50% of your negative thoughts and you replace them with loving and compassionate and supportive thoughts about yourself?

• 11:05Ed Mylett?

  You would find the support you've been looking for from within. You won't need it externally. In fact, if you're constantly looking for support, I need support from my partner, support from my spouse, support from my friends. What you're really saying is, I'm not supporting myself. I need them to spell me. I need them to fill the gap. When someone is truly loving themselves, they don't need the support or the permission from other people. It's only when you're in necessity of that, that there's a deficiency within you. And here's the truth. You already know how to do this for yourself. Think about a loved one, someone you truly care about and that you want to see succeed. How do you talk to them? How do you talk to the people that you love? Your children, your partner, your friends that you love? When you're speaking power and belief and love into them? How do you speak to them? What do you say to them?

• 11:50Ed Mylett?

  And begin to give yourself that same gift, that same message. So many of us that lack self-love are incredible about giving it to other people. And by the way, you think you're great at it, but like I said earlier, it's limited by how much you can feel yourself.

• 12:08Ed Mylett?

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• 12:33Ed Mylett?

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• 13:16Ed Mylett?

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• 14:01Ed Mylett?

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• 14:34Speaker 02

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• 14:38Ed Mylett?

  And so what you think oftentimes, here's what good people think. I'm being selfish when I work on myself. I'm being selfish. I'm bragging when I tell myself I'm built for this or that God made me as an image in his image and likeness, or that I can do something awesome with my life. I'm bragging, I'm brash, I'm, I'm putting myself in front of other people. But the truth is, you can't pour from an empty cup. You have to begin to fill your own cup with the words you speak to yourself and the actions you take about yourself. You can't just tell yourself great things and not take any of the actions. Why? Because then you lose self-confidence. If you don't keep the promises you make to yourself, you begin not to trust you. And so it's not just enough to, "I'm amazing, I'm amazing, I'm amazing."

• 15:21Ed Mylett?

  You're gonna have to take the actions to validate it, to prove it. But once you start speaking truth to yourself, like you speak to your friends, and then you begin to act in congruence with that, your self-confidence explodes, your self-love explodes, your self-worth explodes. So I think what I'm saying so far is, there's a lot to be said for the way you speak to yourself and the actions you take to truly create self-love and to feel self-confidence at the same time. Let me ask you this, when a loved one's struggling and in need of support, would you kick them when they're down, or would you extend a helping hand? You know exactly what you would do. Yet in our own selves, we kick ourselves when we're down.

• 16:03Ed Mylett?

  "Here I go again. Now I always do this. I always make mistakes. I knew I was faking it. We let the imposter syndrome come in and the thoughts start stacking in our heads about that we're not legit and we're not real and you always knew it was gonna go back to what you're worth." And so, when you're most down oftentimes is when you beat yourself up the most, and you know who needs you the most during those times? You. What I would say to you lastly before we get into some really powerful stuff here, is, here's the truth. How would, how would God speak to you? What would God tell you in that moment? Whatever your faith practice is, most of you know that I'm a Christian, but whatever your faith is, what would God speak to you right now?

• 16:46Ed Mylett?

  I remember when I first adopted my faith, someone said to me, I'd had Max and Bella many years later, and said, "Can you imagine, Ed, how much you love Max and Bella," those are my children, "that God loves you even more?" God loves you even more than that. It was hard for me to get my head around that. But it's true. And so, what would God say to you when you're down? Right? Are you open to listening to that voice? And then when you do, you've truly started to love yourself. You've truly started to give yourself the gift between your faith practices, the way you speak to yourself, the actions you take. By the way, when a loved one makes a mistake, do you tell them how terrible of a person they are? Or do you give them credit for their intentions? Do you give them another chance?

• 17:30Ed Mylett?

  You ought to give yourself the same gift. Remember this, we really can't truly love others when we're not loving ourselves. So here's what I'd like to do right now. I'd like to give you the gift of giving you 14 signs that maybe you don't love yourself enough. Because I think a lot of you maybe listeners going, I'm pretty good at this. When I started to work on this project for myself, I, I took a look at me. And you know what? I've got some room to grow in this area. It's probably why you feel like this, you know, maybe it's hitting really home today and is, I hope that you feel that it's really good because I really created this lesson today for myself. I think I have a high level of self-love, but I could always love me more. I could always believe in me more. I could always have more self-discipline. So I was like, what are the signs? That maybe you don't love yourself enough? And so I'm going to give you those 14 signs right now. I hope, I hope this hits home with you.

• 18:15Ed Mylett?

  Actually, I hope you don't have any of them, but I'm sure maybe you have one or two of them. And when I'm done with these 14, maybe these are the things you need to work on. So first sign that maybe you don't love yourself enough. You do whatever you can do to avoid conflict.

• 18:30Ed Mylett?

  It's number one. You do whatever you do, you can do to avoid conflict. How often are you willing to avoid conflict with people? Because we're usually people who want to avoid conflict. If you find yourself being one of those kinds of people, you say, oh, my life, I've been that way. Then all your life you've struggled with self-love. You don't want to have conflict with people because you don't want them to take a very close look at you. Because conflict creates them looking back at you more harshly, or maybe you looking at yourself. And you may not feel enough love for yourself to speak up for yourself. And so you allow people to treat you in a way that's not worthy of you. You don't confront them. You don't, you know, you don't create a conflict with them to create waves because you don't love yourself enough to stand up for yourself.

• 19:12Ed Mylett?

  So that's number one. If you're avoiding conflict all the time, here's the truth about life. There ought to be some conflict from time to time. The story of life is a story of from time to time, having a conflict or having to confront something in our lives. We try to avoid that. We're avoiding living. We're avoiding growing. We're avoiding growing a love for ourselves. So if you're constantly avoiding conflict, what you're really doing is avoiding loving yourself.

• 19:39Ed Mylett?

  Second indication that maybe you don't love yourself enough is you feel awkward more often than not. Awkward or uncomfortable socially awkward or uncomfortable within your own skin. You don't want to be alone a lot. And so when you feel awkward more often than not, just uncomfortable with you. That's an indication that you can love yourself more and you have room to grow in this area. The third thing. It's a big indication that you don't love yourself enough right now is that you're always looking for an escape. Whether that be on your phone and you're scrolling through social media just to escape. Or it could be alcohol or drugs or gossip. Pornography, whatever it might be, you're looking for an escape all the time.

• 20:23Ed Mylett?

  You shouldn't have to escape if you love yourself. You should enjoy your own company. You should enjoy the peace of being with your favorite person, which is you. And again, you can't give this gift to somebody if you can't give it to yourself. So if you're always looking for an escape somehow. That's an indication when I see someone who's got an alcohol problem or a drug problem or a gambling problem. Right? Or they're too addicted to being a fan of a sports team even. That's a form of escape sports, watching spectator sports. Or they're on their phone all the time. I believe this is an indication of somebody who doesn't love themselves. And by the way, one of the real insidious forms. It's obvious with alcohol and drugs. Is fan addiction.

• 21:09Ed Mylett?

  I have so many friends of mine that I grew up with it. I think they think they play for the Lakers. I think they think they're on the Kansas City Chiefs. I mean, I literally live or die by what a bunch of other grown men are doing. Some of them even wear jerseys with other men's names on the back. And I'm thinking, are you trying to escape yourself that much that you're that addicted? And there's nothing wrong with. Being a fan of a sports team. Let me be clear. I, I've watched sports. I'm a, I'm a Boston sports fan. Alright, I, I'm a fan of great athletes. I love watching greatness. But we all know there's a level of it where we've escaped in there hiding from our own lives. Some of us escape in our children's lives.

• 21:48Ed Mylett?

  We live through them to escape our own existence, to escape our own lives, their sports, their grades, their success. What we ultimately do is put tremendous amount of pressure on themselves, on, on our children because we've escaped into their lives. Because we don't want to look at our own. And so one of them is you gotta be careful. Again, I'm a huge sports fan, go to a lot of sporting events, but I think you all know what I'm talking about when someone crosses that line and you're like, well, this has become like your emotions are based on whether this team wins or loses. And I think you actually think you won when they win. And that's just to escape the fact that you're not winning in your own life. And so there's a line there when it comes to sports as well. That's there's healthy, everything

• 22:32Ed Mylett?

  there's, there's a healthy use of alcohol for many people. Some people can't at all. But there's a healthy use, maybe socially in moderation where you can maintain it. And then for some people, it's just too much, right? There's a healthy use of social media. And then there's people who use it too much. It becomes unhealthy. There's a healthy fandom when it comes to sports or entertainment or whatever it might be. There's a healthy level of it. And then there's a level where it's not healthy because we've escaped completely from our own lives. That's number three. You're always looking for a way to escape. Number four. You constantly feel misunderstood. If you constantly feeling that people don't understand you and they don't get you, believe it or not, what's buried under there is a lack of self-love because you are seeking

• 23:17Ed Mylett?

  to be understood so often. It means so much to you to feel understood. Because you don't love yourself enough. I think when someone truly loves themselves enough, and by the way, I'm working on this, just to be clear. But I think when you really truly love yourself, you don't have the need to be understood. You don't have the need to be accepted because you understand and accept yourself. Number five thing that would be an indication, emotion, a feeling that you might have that you don't love yourself enough is you're resentful all the time. You're holding on to resentment towards other people or a group of people or someone who doesn't believe with you politically, or someone who disagrees with you religiously, or you're resentful for a past event in your life. You're resentful about something in your life.

• 24:01Ed Mylett?

  That's an indication that maybe you don't love yourself enough and it's something worth looking at.

• 24:07Ed Mylett?

  If you're filled with resentment very often, that's not a form of love for oneself. You would never treat yourself that way.

• 24:14Ed Mylett?

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• 24:59Ed Mylett?

  Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com/ed for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash ed. So you know, I've been trying to take my health and my morning routine to the next level. And I used to do a whole bunch of different stuff, tons of different supplements. And then I found All-in-One in a drink with IM8. IM8 is the way to simplify your supplement routine, finally, once and for all. 16 supplements replaced 90 ingredients across nine major organ systems in one drink. You can have all these supplements for $2.61 a day. I've changed my mornings. The whole IM8 routine has changed my mornings.

• 25:42Ed Mylett?

  I feel great and I bring energy to the entire day. Go to im8health.com/ed10 right now or click the link in the description and use code ED10 for a free welcome kit, five free travel sachets, plus 10% off your order. That's code ED10 at im8health.com/ed10. Code ED10 at im8health.com/ed10. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, prevent, or any disease. Number six, you're afraid to step outside your comfort zone. You're afraid to take risks. You're afraid to take chances. You think you need to be perfect.

• 26:24Ed Mylett?

  And when that happens in life, that's an indication of not enough self-love because when you love yourself enough, you're willing to get uncomfortable to grow because you know that self-discipline is one of the major keys to self-love. And so you are wanting to step outside what makes you comfortable. You're wanting the expansion of your being. See, I'm sort of at this point in my life, sort of I say often to people, I'm addicted to the expansion of my being. And what that really means is that I love myself enough not to accept where I am. And I want to expand my ability to give and think and learn and feel and grow. And that expansion makes, I know I have to be uncomfortable to do it. I love myself enough to put myself through some uncomfortable things.

• 27:07Ed Mylett?

  Oftentimes, even with our children, we love them so much, we don't want them to experience any pain, any discomfort. We kind of helicopter in and protect them from everything. We think that's love, but it's not. Real love is allowing someone to do some uncomfortable things in their life. So if you find yourself often being afraid or unwilling to step outside your comfort zone, that's a self-love issue. Number seven issue that maybe you are lacking in the self-love department is you need permission from others when you make a decision. You need other people's permission, other people's acknowledgement. Oftentimes, you seek too many other human beings' advice. But what you're really looking for is permission from them.

• 27:46Ed Mylett?

  And that's an indication deep down of a lack of self-love. The most self-loving people that I know with the best self-discipline aren't looking for permission all the time when they make decisions. And although they may seek some advice from people, they don't seek a lot of it. They get counsel, they've got people around them who they bounce ideas off of, but they don't need people's permission to make decisions in their lives. So as I'm making this list, there's 14 of them, we're halfway through. Do any of these seven resonate with you? If any of them resonate with you, then there's some growth there on your self-love. If all of them resonate with you, then we've really got some work to do, don't we? Number eight feeling that maybe you're lacking self-love is you feel invisible. You feel invisible. You don't feel seen.

• 28:29Ed Mylett?

  I think this is a big one for so many people. They just feel like the world doesn't see them. That no one cares, that nothing matters. They walk in a room and no one would knew if they left it.

• 28:44Ed Mylett?

  And that is a thought you've created in your own mind that is not true.

• 28:50Ed Mylett?

  And frankly, if you loved yourself a little bit more, you would get a different response. So if you feel invisible,

• 28:59Ed Mylett?

  and by the way, I know exactly what that feels like. Before I was a public person,

• 29:04Ed Mylett?

  I often felt invisible in rooms that I would walk into, that nobody saw me or understood me, as I said earlier. This is a major sign.

• 29:18Ed Mylett?

  Because when you love yourself enough, there's enough light on you just from you and God, that that that thought would never occur to you. Because you wouldn't be seeking it. And what's ironic about life is the minute you don't seek it is the minute you receive it in abundance.

• 29:35Ed Mylett?

  Number nine, indication that maybe you're lacking some self-love is you compare yourself a lot. You compare yourself to other people. You compare yourself to another time in your life. You compare yourself to a situation or circumstance. You see somebody that's filtered or very, uh, yeah, it's very created online. You know, I'm going to do a video on this soon, but there's so much fake online right now. It's unbelievable. There's actually a studio in Santa Monica you can go to now. It's a studio. It's in a warehouse. And it will, you can take pictures on it and it looks like you're on a private jet and influencers, some are now doing this. Where they're literally, they go to this warehouse in LA, I think it's in Santa Monica.

• 30:19Ed Mylett?

  And it will make it look like you're sitting on a private jet and you can take selfies like your jet set lifestyle and you're in a warehouse in LA somewhere. And then we sit here and watch these people online. I'm not saying everybody's doing that. I'm saying that that's the indication and length people will go to to curate a filtered life online that's not even true. And then we find ourselves comparing ourselves to people. And if you're doing that, that's going to contribute to a lack of self-love like you can't even believe. So don't compare to other people. Don't compare to another time in your life. You say, wow, I was so much happier when I was 25 and you're 45 now, or I looked so much better. That's a form of, that is an absolute form of self-loathing. It's not self-love, it's the reverse. So if you're constantly in comparison mode, that's an indication you got this to work on. Number 10.

• 31:04Ed Mylett?

  This is going to be a subtle one. You think twice before speaking.

• 31:09Ed Mylett?

  You're constantly hesitating to speak your mind, speak your truth, stand for something that matters to you. Right? You hesitate, you think twice. What's the right thing to say? I don't want to say the wrong thing. I don't want to make a mistake. I don't want to offend. And although there's a kindness that comes with that, and I have that same thing. If you dig it a little bit deeper and it happens to us, and there are circumstances clearly. Where I am talking to people and I say, I don't want to offend here. What's the right thing to say? That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about if this regularly pops up in your life and circumstances that it does not require that thought. You know exactly what I mean. That you constantly thinking twice before you pop up and speak or contribute or add your two cents.

• 31:50Ed Mylett?

  That happens in an occasion where you're like, I want to be understanding and kind here and measured and respectful. That's different. Okay. But if it's happening on a regular basis, that's a self-love issue. Number 11. You feel like you have to be perfect. Perfect is a trash standard. It's the lowest possible standard. And it's an indication of lack of self-love. You have to be perfect. Nobody's perfect. Everybody makes mistakes. In fact, when you reveal your imperfections to people, it's when you connect most deeply with them. If I was to do today's show and tell you, I've nailed all 14 of these. None of them show up in my life. I'm the ultimate self-love expert. Would you feel at all connected to me? Not at all. The good news is I make a mistake on a lot of these oftentimes as well.

• 32:33Ed Mylett?

  But what I now have, and I'm giving you as a checklist of if I'm doing this, this is a thing I gotta work on. It's so perfection repels people. Perfection creates separation. Revealing imperfections creates connection with people. And so ironically, perfect is a crappy standard. You'll never get going. You'll never start. And you're using it because you don't love yourself and believe in yourself and have enough self-discipline. But you created this artificial fake thing called perfection that you'll never reach. So you never have to be vulnerable. You never have to speak up. You never have to take an action. You never have to get out of your comfort zone. Right? You never have to show the real you. Because you gotta be perfect before you act. But underneath that, it's not that you think you gotta be perfect. What underneath it is you don't love yourself enough. Okay. Number 12.

• 33:17Ed Mylett?

  Your life just doesn't feel right.

• 33:21Ed Mylett?

  As you're listening to this or watching today and precious you, your life doesn't quite feel right.

• 33:29Ed Mylett?

  It's a lack of self-love.

• 33:33Ed Mylett?

  This is the biggie for so many people.

• 33:36Speaker 01

  That it just doesn't quite feel right.

• 33:38Ed Mylett?

  And I don't mean once in a while, okay? Everybody, once in a while, doesn't feel like their life is right. It's part of being alive. I know I have it. But if it's a predominant thought, a regular emotion, most of the time, life just doesn't feel right. It means you don't feel right about you. Not life. Life is oftentimes a reflection of how we truly feel about ourselves.

• 34:08Ed Mylett?

  13.

• 34:11Ed Mylett?

  You feel like no one knows the real you. No one knows the real you. If you have that thought, could it be perhaps that you feel like you don't know the real you? And that you're projecting that onto other people? Or perhaps because you lack self-love, you're not really being the real you? And so, as a result of that, you have this sense people don't know the real you, because you're not revealing that person to them. You're holding this precious, beautiful, amazing, powerful being called you from the world. Because you're hiding from yourself. I'll say what I said earlier.

• 34:56Ed Mylett?

  You cannot love yourself if you're not being yourself.

• 35:01Ed Mylett?

  You cannot love yourself if you're not being yourself. The real you. The things that you think might get criticized. The things you think people aren't going to accept.

• 35:12Ed Mylett?

  Do you really want to get out of this life and have never been the real you? So many of us, and I have many times in my life, we're a mask that we think other people will like this version of us better. You can, you can do that. But at some point, you're going to get to the end of your life. And what if everybody liked someone that wasn't even really you? Wouldn't it be better in life for everyone to know who you really were? And let the chips fall where they may? And here's you're gonna find out when you're really being the real you is when you truly love you. And only then will you get the response from other people that doesn't matter anyway. That you've been seeking so desperately. What you're gonna find out is when you're really being the real you, which means you truly love you. You don't have the need for that validation anymore.

• 35:57Ed Mylett?

  Ironically, it's probably when you're gonna get it, but even if you don't, you don't need it. Because the only validation you really need in your life is yours and your God. And once you have those two things, you're home. And then lastly, number 14 sign that maybe you don't love yourself enough is you're kind of making yourself sick. You just don't feel good physically, you're sick. Maybe it's in your gut. Maybe you're sore or tired. Maybe it's emotional, you're making yourself sick emotionally. You're feeding yourself these thoughts and these emotions and these feelings that don't serve you. Maybe it's psychological, right? You're literally making yourself sick. These are signs that you don't love yourself.

• 36:41Ed Mylett?

  You're supposed to live in a healthy way. And by the way, this lack of self-love, I honestly believe over time in life shows up in physical ailments in our body. If we have these thoughts, this lack of love, that I think we literally kill ourselves. And I'm not suggesting to you that all disease comes from thought, believe me. I've got terrible genetics in my blood for heart health and cancer. I've got all these genetic predispositions that aren't very good. So don't get me wrong. I'm not suggesting that you just think yourself into being ill, but I think you know exactly what I mean. There's an element of self-love or the lack of self-love that can make us sick. And it can show up in disease, it can show up in soreness, it can show up in tension.

• 37:26Ed Mylett?

  It can show up in plaques in our body, it can show up in. Deterioration of muscle, it can show up in our mind not working in its optimal way. Eventually, it makes us sick, sick physically, sick spiritually, sick emotionally. And so if any of these 14 things are affecting you, I want to challenge you to begin to look at the self-discipline part of self-love. And then if you begin to take actions that serve you, right? The disciplines of changing your life, that you will disciple yourself, that I begin, you begin to really, truly love yourself when you're being yourself. I believe one of the pathways is not just total acceptance of who we are.

• 38:08Ed Mylett?

  Like I said in the beginning, I want my friends to love me and believe in me. That's in, that's there, but I don't want them to just accept me because that acceptance isn't real love. And so what I want to challenge you today is that nuance between love for yourself and the discipline of showing yourself real love, of taking the actions that you deserve. So today, the challenge becomes this, what could you be doing physically for yourself today? Is it stretching? Is it massage? Is it more hydration? Is it working out? Is it yoga? Is it some form of movement in your body? Is it earthing or grounding by putting your feet in the ground? Is it stretching? Something you can be doing physically? Is it changing your nutrition so that you love yourself enough to treat yourself with

• 38:50Ed Mylett?

  the discipline that's required to get fit and energized and strong? Is there something in your emotional life that you should be doing discipline-wise, habitually, whether it be your meditation, or your prayer, or your giving to other people, or the contribution you have in your life, the reading you do, the growth you do, things you do to feed yourself emotionally, to give yourself the gift of these emotions that are already within you right now, that you tap into, giving yourself the disciplines in your life that deliver the emotion, so that when you keep a promise to yourself, you get that emotion of, I believe in me, I trust me. One of the greatest emotions in the world is confidence, is self-confidence.

• 39:32Ed Mylett?

  And self-confidence, as I've said millions of times by now, comes from keeping the promises you make to yourself. Give yourself enough love to keep the promises you make to you. Love yourself enough. When you make a promise, if you have kids, man, you want to deliver on that because you love them so much. You make a promise to your parents. About doing something for them or that you're gonna do, you feel this obligation or a friend, you say, I'll be there for you. And when you're there, it's because you love them. Well, be there for you. What are the things you need to do for you, the disciplines you need to do for you to love yourself even more? And then the last one is what I would call your psychological and spiritual life. What are the things you could be doing to feed yourself spiritually?

• 40:14Ed Mylett?

  Your prayer, your meditation, maybe for some of you, it's just starting to seek your version of the truth, whatever that might be, going on a journey of some discovery about how you feel about this purpose of life. Giving yourself the gift of the discipline, not just saying it, but the actions. Today, I'll give you one quick example of that. There's a, there's a part of my life that I'm working on right now. And I, this may seem very small, but I literally said, what are the books on this topic? And then I Googled it. I found the book I wanted and I ordered that book and it'll be here tomorrow. And I, that may seem so small, but what did I do? I took an action consistent with this step. In other words, it was a step in the direction, it was a discipline in the direction.

• 40:58Ed Mylett?

  I loved myself to take the action to feed myself in that area. And so I really believe there's a correlation between self-discipline and self-love. And you might even say they're almost one in the same. That when we are in full discipline and control of the things we do, the actions we take and the words we speak to ourselves, we are truly loving ourselves. So I hope this helped you today. If it did, please share it with anybody that you care about, anybody that you love. So maybe they'd love themselves a little bit more. And I think even taking that step to share it is an act of love for you. All right, everybody. God bless you. Max out your life and love yourself a little bit more today.

• 41:40Ed Mylett?

  This is the Ed Myron Show.