Inky Johnson: The Resilience Formula

Resilience, courage, and unwavering determination are the 3 words I’d use to describe today’s interview with my friend Inky Johnson. Inky was on the brink of realizing his lifelong dream of playing professional football when a catastrophic injury during a game for the University of Tennessee changed his life forever. In a fleeting moment, his promising athletic career was halted, leaving his right arm and hand permanently paralyzed. Yet, what Inky chose to do in the aftermath of this life-altering event is nothing short of remarkable. Instead of succumbing to despair, Inky transformed his greatest setback into his biggest breakthrough. Today, he's not only an acclaimed author and entrepreneur but also one of the most compelling motivational speakers, touching the lives of people across the globe, from elite athletes to top executives. Inky's narrative is a powerful reminder that our greatest trials often pave the way for our most significant triumphs. In this episode, you’ll learn about: Inky’s journey through the shock and realization of his injury and how he found the strength to face his new reality. The pivotal role of patience, faith, and an unwavering belief Insights into leveraging adversity as a catalyst for uncovering and utilizing other gifts and talents. The importance of unconditional effort Lessons on leadership The critical distinction between expectations and standards The indispensable value of joy and happiness These insights offer not just hope but practical strategies for anyone facing obstacles, big or small and will leave you with lots of things to think about as you fight through battles in your own life. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Ed Mylett?

  So hey guys, are you frustrated with where you're at right now? Maybe stunted in your progress? Well, if you are, I want to recommend a place for you to go called Growth Day. GrowthDay.com/Ed. It is the number one personal development app on the planet. It's got all kinds of high-performance techniques in there. Courses, accountability, journaling, live speeches from some of the top influencers in the world, including me. It's an overall environment to change your life. GrowthDay.com/Ed. I hear so many small business owners say the exact same thing. They just never have enough time in the day. Well, I measure time differently. I've compressed, condensed, heck, I've bent time. My first day is 6:00 a.m. to noon. My second day starts at noon and goes till 6:00 p.m.

• 0:43Ed Mylett?

  And my third day, 6:00 p.m. to midnight. I now get 21 days a week. Stack that up over a month, over a year, over five years, and my life's completely different than it would have been otherwise. And if you want to win as an entrepreneur, you have to compress your time too. And you definitely can't afford to waste it waiting weeks on a big bank for capital. Your best bet's to work with my friends at Cardiff. They know how to compress time for entrepreneurs. They get your business approved in minutes and funded the very same day. They're America's favorite small business lender, and for good reason. Over 20 years in business, over $12 billion deployed to small business across America. Stop letting bank delays slow down your momentum. Head to cardiff.co/Ed. That's cardiff.co/Ed. Cardiff.co. Real growth, fast funding.

• 1:28Ed Mylett?

  Cardiff, borrow better.

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• 2:05Ed Mylett?

  This is the admire show. All right, welcome back to the show, everybody. So today's a special day for me because literally one of my favorite people I've ever met in my life is here. It's a man that I hold in the absolute highest regard as a man. He's somebody that I look up to, that I admire, the way he lives his life, the way he conducts himself. He is also, a lot of you ask me all the time, who's your favorite speaker in the world? And for me, it's this man right here. I think he's the best speaker that I've ever seen in my life. I told him he could read a menu in a restaurant and I would just melt. He's so good. And this conversation is going to change your life with the great Inky Johnson. Inky, welcome back to the show, brother.

• 2:42Inky Johnson?

  Man, thank you so much, man. You mean a lot to me, man. Like I just, I shared that with you prior to, but I wanted to share that on camera as well, man. You mean a lot to me, man. This moment means a lot to me. I'm grateful for you, brother.

• 2:56Ed Mylett?

  Thank you.

• 2:57Inky Johnson?

  I am.

• 2:57Ed Mylett?

  I feel that. I accept it. I accept it. I just wish we had more time together.

• 3:02Inky Johnson?

  No doubt.

• 3:03Ed Mylett?

  We run into each other a couple of times a year. So my audience, I gave you this pretty big intro, so we need to deliver. And you're somebody who, the way you frame your life, the way you think about life, every time you speak, it just feels right to me. And it actually shifts my perspective. Almost every time I hear you speak about something, even just right now, we're out there standing looking at the ocean together at my house, it shifts my perspective. And you had an event take place in your life that kind of turned you into this version of you, right? That your perspective is unique on. And I don't know that everybody in my audience knows the story, so I want to know. I'll just set the stage for this. Some of you say you didn't grow up with a lot of money. Let me tell you right now, this dude did not grow up with a lot of money. And he became a tremendous athlete. I'm going to fast forward all the way to the college

• 3:48Ed Mylett?

  days. He becomes a tremendous athlete. This guy's playing defensive back at University of Tennessee. He's a first round pick. I mean, his life is dialed in, everything's going to be great. Millions of dollars is going to change his family tree forever. And then what took place?

• 4:02Inky Johnson?

  September 9th, I had an injury in a game against Air Force. I went to make a routine tackle. Fourth quarter, two minutes left. At the point of contact, guy's helmet hit me between my shoulder and my neck. Sent my shoulder one way, neck opposite way. Ruptured the clavian artery in my chest, the main artery. Tore the nerves from my spine. Automatically paralyzed, shoulder, arm, hand. They had to save my life that night. Woke up the next day. Arm paralyzed, six incisions down my left thigh. One incision across the left side of my neck, one across the right. Twice through my right ribs, cut out my right peck. Bottom of my armpit to the bottom of my hand. Three hundred and fifty staples in my body. Career over. Life changed.

• 4:46Ed Mylett?

  Most people would say, did y'all just hear that? He just gave you a very quick version because I asked him, I got so many things I want to ask him today. But actually, it was more powerful the way you just did it.

• 4:55Inky Johnson?

  Thank you.

• 4:56Ed Mylett?

  This is bang, bang, bang, bang. Let me ask you, you know, most people when that happened had to be, Hank, I'm so sorry. Oh, my gosh, your life, are you okay? What was your, this perspective stuff with you is everything, right? What was your initial feeling and then, you know, soon thereafter? What was your perspective about it?

• 5:16Inky Johnson?

  Initially, I didn't think it was real. Right, because when you put in work, and you know, man, like when you put in work and, you know, you sacrifice and people help you along your journey to get to a certain point. You hear, things can change in an instant, but it's like you live life with this thought process that, yeah, but that don't apply to me, right? That doesn't apply to me. And so, even though I knew it was career and then injuries in the sport, I never once thought about it, right? And so, when it happened, it was kind of surreal and it felt as if it was a bad dream. I tell people often, Ed, the part that people don't know is I remember for weeks,

• 5:59Inky Johnson?

  every day going to sleep, like six, seven o'clock in the evening. Thinking, man, when I wake up tomorrow, I'll be able to feel my arm again. Right, because it felt like I was in a bad dream. It felt like it wasn't real. Even though I was operating and doing certain things, I was out of the hospital, I was going to work. I still felt like, man, this can't be, like this can't be real, right? And I would wake up and I would touch my arm. And I'll be like, man, I still can't feel it. Right? And I'll never forget, I got to a day in the football complex to where I just broke down. And it was the most freeing day of my life, tears, and I just released it. And I was like, okay, man, you gotta embrace, you gotta adapt to a new normal, you gotta figure out a way to use this,

• 6:44Inky Johnson?

  and you gotta close that chapter, right? It's real now. And for a while, I felt as if it wasn't real. And when I embraced it, when I was like, alright, man, it's real, I shifted my focus and my perspective to the space and place, okay, how can you use it?

• 7:00Ed Mylett?

  How have you used it?

• 7:02Inky Johnson?

  I would say more so, um, like when we go through adversity and opposition, I think that's the one thing we all have in common as people. And the beautiful thing about adversity, opposition, change, uncertainty, more times than not, it elicits the same emotions.

• 7:20Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 7:21Inky Johnson?

  Right? And so, a person may look at my adversity and opposition, and on the surface, you can see it. Paralyzed right arm and hand, arm smaller, like you can visibly see it. But we're all wounded.

• 7:36Inky Johnson?

  To a certain extent, you just can see mine, right? But to a certain extent, I know the thing that we can both identify with, I'm dealing with some adversity, you went through some adversity, or you may be dealing with some adversity. And so, how I represent myself, how I share about my adversity and opposition, how I deal with it, I have an opportunity to impact you.

• 7:57Ed Mylett?

  So good.

• 7:57Inky Johnson?

  And so, for me and my perspective about it, I tell people often, Ed, I never looked at it as a tragedy.

• 8:04Ed Mylett?

  Never?

• 8:05Inky Johnson?

  Never. I didn't have the time to. Right? And so, every single day, it was processed, processed, different device, different hospital, different doctor's office, I didn't have the time to. And so, I'm in a presence of so many people trying to help me, which I'm grateful for, I couldn't bring a certain energy to that environment.

• 8:25Ed Mylett?

  Yeah. Yeah, but you, I, I, I get that. You've said it to me before, and I'm like, that's just remarkable to me. But then I go back, I'm like, okay, I just, I'm thinking, you were this close.

• 8:37Ed Mylett?

  Millions of dollars are gonna come in. You're gonna be able to take care of your family finally, right? Was there, do you ever, at any point, did you look back? Cause I, well, it's a big, you know, comparison is a thief of joy, right? People say all the time. I wondered two things about that. One, did you, did you have moments there where you're like, man, I was weeks away, months away from changing my life? And then the other thing, I've never asked you this before, so answer them both together. Do you ever dream that your arm works?

• 9:01Inky Johnson?

  Oh, absolutely.

• 9:03Ed Mylett?

  You still do to this day?

• 9:04Inky Johnson?

  Till this day, man, and um.

• 9:06Ed Mylett?

  You will wake up from a dream and in that dream, your arm was working?

• 9:09Inky Johnson?

  Definitely.

• 9:10Ed Mylett?

  Interesting.

• 9:10Inky Johnson?

  Definitely. And um, you know, it's just things that, just the simple things, man, like um, something that was a big deal to me when I was young. And um, I was like, man, I can't wait until I get my children one day, when I have a family. And this is when I was a young man, like 15. And um, I didn't grow up in a house with my father. And so I was like, man, I can't wait until I get my family and I have my children and be able to throw them up in the air and catch them. And um, hugging my mother, hugging my wife, hugging my children with two arms. Like, that's something that the average person doesn't think about.

• 9:53Ed Mylett?

  It's for granted.

• 9:54Inky Johnson?

  Right? I hug them every single day, but it's times after my daughter performs at a cheer competition that I wish I could just run up, grab her, toss her in the air and catch her. Right? It's times when my son does something, I wish I could just go over and grab him, toss him up, be like, Inc., man, you crushed that. Right? And so I think about that. And speaking to the point of um.

• 10:16Ed Mylett?

  Wow.

• 10:16Inky Johnson?

  Yeah, man. Speaking to the point of um, the disappointment piece and, you know, what happened to me. When I say I don't view it as a tragedy, I was disappointed, but I didn't view it as a tragedy.

• 10:30Ed Mylett?

  What's the difference? That's good.

• 10:31Inky Johnson?

  Right? Tragedy, I felt as if, if I would have looked at what happened to me as a tragedy. It would have created a certain level of bitterness.

• 10:42Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 10:43Inky Johnson?

  Right?

• 10:44Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 10:44Inky Johnson?

  And there's nothing wrong with that, right? That's a very real emotion. But I was more so disappointed when it didn't happen. I was like, man, I put in all this work and got that close and it didn't happen like, if I could be honest with you, I was like, like, God, like, man, let me make it.

• 11:03Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 11:04Inky Johnson?

  Then something happens like, let me.

• 11:07Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 11:07Inky Johnson?

  I put in, oh, we're gonna do it right now. Like.

• 11:09Ed Mylett?

  Right.

• 11:10Inky Johnson?

  Let me cross the finish line and.

• 11:12Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 11:12Inky Johnson?

  So it was more so a disappointment. Uh, it wasn't looking at it as a, as a tragedy because I still had life.

• 11:21Ed Mylett?

  You're the best speaker I've ever heard, right?

• 11:22Inky Johnson?

  Thank you, man.

• 11:23Ed Mylett?

  But ironically, I probably would have not heard you ever speak. Had this not happened.

• 11:29Inky Johnson?

  One hundred.

• 11:29Ed Mylett?

  Would have never have given a platform. So it's amazing how God works if we're faithful like you've been like you had this other giftedness. I mean, I know you were really good defensive back, probably one of the better ones in college. But you're a better speaker. I don't care how good a football player you were like, I know who the best speakers are, right? And once in a while, people, yeah, but once in a while, people do say me, right? But I'm gonna tell you, for me, there's three or four people when I, when they speak, I just literally stop. Like, for example, with this man's work on social media, there's very few people stuff on social media that I just, I, I stop and watch. I'm not, I watch every video. If I catch one of Ink's videos, I watch it to the very end.

• 12:06Inky Johnson?

  Thank you.

• 12:06Ed Mylett?

  It's not one of these, you know, you scroll through social.

• 12:08Inky Johnson?

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 12:09Ed Mylett?

  Some people have this thing about them with me that that's their energy, their character, their vibrational frequency, whatever it is, Holy Spirit. When you speak, I'm like glued. And so I wrote down today, I told you it isn't work. Some of the things that you, by the way, some of them you will probably forgotten you said. You know, I do, people ask me stuff, I'm like, I'm not sure how I finished that sentence last time. But I want to ask you for a few things because there's some stuff that you talk about that it, let me tell you what I do. From your social, I will sometimes literally walk from it and just go make a note for myself personally. Things that you say, that's how deeply you influenced me and impact me. And one of the things that you talk a lot about is patience. Because I gotta think when this injury happened, you know, it required some patience to get to this point.

• 12:54Ed Mylett?

  And for me, I'm a very, very impatient person. I think with social media day with this, I want to be successful right now. I want the boat right now. I want this, you know, the house, the whatever, they want the life right now. I want the body right now. Patience is kind of, it's like a, it's like a virtue that nobody talks about anymore.

• 13:10Inky Johnson?

  Absolutely.

• 13:10Ed Mylett?

  So I'm curious about your, your viewpoints on patience.

• 13:13Inky Johnson?

  Yeah, I think you, you hit the nail on the head, man. We live in a world and in a society to where people teach and talk to you about the grind. People teach and talk to you about the hustle. People teach and talk to you about going out, man, the long hours, the sacrifice. But nobody talks to you about patience.

• 13:30Ed Mylett?

  Right.

• 13:31Inky Johnson?

  Right? And I believe in the concept of you judge each day by the harvest you reap, not by the seeds that you just sow, right? And so for me, when I speak to patience, like when I had to be patient in the midst of my injury and the opposition and adversity I went through, it was certain things that came to me in solitude that if I was moving, I wouldn't have got them. Right? And what I mean by that is, I remember my mother, my mother saying to me, a guy said to me once, when I came on a pivot, he said, man, when life starts spiraling, what's something that you say to yourself? Or what's something that you do that helps you come back to center? I said, I'll never forget, man, when my mother told me, at certain points in life, when opposition, adversity and things are spiraling, sometimes you have to get quiet so you can hear God.

• 14:16Inky Johnson?

  The guy said, does that mean sitting in a room, turning off the light? I was like, no. I said, what that means is going to the space and place to where you can come back to center and recalibrate and bring yourself back to the point to where you feel as if you got a grip on the adversity and the opposition and the challenges that you're dealing with. And so for me, patience is a part of the formula to help us become the individuals that we're destined to become. Grinding is great. Work ethic is great, right? All of those things are awesome. But nobody talks to you about patience.

• 14:48Ed Mylett?

  That's so true.

• 14:49Inky Johnson?

  And that's where we make the mistakes. Societies have been destroyed because of lack of patience. Marriages have been destroyed because of lack of patience. Relationships with our children have been destroyed because of lack of patience. Right? Companies have been destroyed because of lack of patience. Some of the most talented people in the world lack patience. And as a result, that's where we make the mistakes. And so I was pressing home patience because I was like, man, nobody talks about patience.

• 15:18Ed Mylett?

  They do not talk about it. The other thing they don't talk about. So I told you guys what today would be. I told you, right?

• 15:25Ed Mylett?

  The story is unbelievable, but the wisdom that's come from this man, there's just certain people. I, I, this is gonna be so corny to tell you this. You got, you and I are both men of faith. We're both Christian men, but you got a, you got like a Yoda Gandhi thing about you going. No, you do. And I, I don't know if it's because you just, you live a particular way or because of the injury, or I don't know what it is about you, but there's, I'm telling everyone, I want them to follow you because these things have impacted me. I mean, even a lot of speeches I give, I think it's probably something I've heard you say, and then I've like flipped it into something, you know what I mean? No, I'm serious. And one of the things, one of them is, I went to speak at a, I won't say which college football program, but you had been there the week before. Right? I'm like, oh man, I gotta follow this dude. No, I'm serious.

• 16:10Ed Mylett?

  And you had crushed it. Everywhere you go, you crush it. And so you had done, you know, an unbelievable job. And I asked the guys afterwards, we're having lunch, I found, they want to talk about my talk. I'm like, I want to know what Inky said. No, I did, I swear. And it was this talk and this point, and I, by the way, I've repeated this to my son

• 16:27Ed Mylett?

  no less than 60 times. And I want you to speak to this today. I want everyone to hear this. Listen close. You're driving in your car? Turn this up a little bit. You on the treadmill? Turn it up a little bit. Cause I think this is a separator. One is patience. It's like a hidden invisible secret, right? Cause it causes you to have discernment and make decisions in the right rhythm and cadence at the appropriate time. When you lack patience, something I say to you may be completely appropriate in the right moment, when I wait for the moment. If I don't show patience, I say it too soon, it's the wrong time. Having said all that, here's what you had covered with this team.

• 17:02Ed Mylett?

  So hey guys, as you know, I've partnered up with my good friend Brennan Burchard, who's created the greatest personal development system that has ever been designed called Growth Day. There's everything from journaling to accountability programs, live messages every Monday from myself and other influencers. There's an opportunity for you to get courses that would cost thousands of dollars completely for free. It's incredible. Go to growthday.com/ed and check it out.

• 17:27Ed Mylett?

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• 18:52Ed Mylett?

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• 19:31Ed Mylett?

  The difference between conditional effort and non-conditional effort. Do you remember what I'm talking about?

• 19:36Inky Johnson?

  Absolutely.

• 19:36Ed Mylett?

  Okay, they need to hear this because I think a lot of people's effort is conditional.

• 19:41Inky Johnson?

  Right.

• 19:41Ed Mylett?

  And great people, and to your point, you know, the people that you wanted to play football with, but I want to play in life with, it's not so conditional, so speak to that.

• 19:49Inky Johnson?

  Yeah, I think when things are conditional, it's predicated upon situations, circumstances, and what you give me.

• 19:55Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 19:55Inky Johnson?

  I'll never forget getting to college and seeing guys that were so talented and gifted. And they would tap out for whatever reason. And I remember having a dialogue with the guy in our locker room. And he was like, "Ink, I'm done." And I'm like, "Bro, like, you got the world in front of you, man. You so talented, so gifted, like, what you mean you done? Like, you tapping out? Like, you here, you got every resource on the planet, like, you tapping out now? Two more years, man, you can..." He's like, "Yeah, I'm done." He was like, "I don't like the way they talking to me, Ink." I was like, "Cool, I got it." I was like, "But you said you're a man, right?" He's like, "Yeah, I'm a man."

• 20:36Inky Johnson?

  And that's where I get the, you want to be treated like you're at the DoubleTree. You want the warm oatmeal raisin cookie. You want them to pat you on the butt every time you do something great and say, "Great job." Nothing wrong with that, cool, right? But that's conditional. If you say what I want you to say, if you give me what I want you to give me, if I get my jersey number, like, but that's not real life. Life doesn't play by those rules, right? At a certain point, you got to have a level of integrity, level of character, to where when you do something... Can I be honest with you, Ed? I just, um, I got on my son last night, right? About practice.

• 21:15Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 21:16Inky Johnson?

  And a guy was trying to figure out, like, "Man, why you, why you on him like that? Like, he could, he could play, pretty good little athlete, why you on him?" He just had a little practice. I'm like, "No, man, that's where you become great."

• 21:28Ed Mylett?

  That's right.

• 21:29Inky Johnson?

  Like you don't become great in the game.

• 21:31Ed Mylett?

  That's right.

• 21:32Inky Johnson?

  You become great at practice.

• 21:33Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 21:34Inky Johnson?

  Right. Kenny Smith said a quote that was so phenomenal. He said, champions do daily what everybody else does occasionally.

• 21:39Ed Mylett?

  Oh, wow.

• 21:40Inky Johnson?

  Champions do daily what everybody else does occasionally. Right. Our character is what we do daily. Our reputation is what we do occasionally. Conditional, that's reputation. Character, that's non conditional.

• 21:53Ed Mylett?

  That's so good.

• 21:54Inky Johnson?

  That's how I show up, how I operate, how I do things, how I treat people. Right. Like I can vouch for Ed Mylett. No matter where he is, no matter what the situation or the circumstance is, because he's not conditional. That's who he is.

• 22:08Ed Mylett?

  Yep.

• 22:08Inky Johnson?

  It's not predicated upon situation and circumstance.

• 22:12Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 22:13Inky Johnson?

  I tell athletes often, you think it's a dual mentality. Right. You think, oh, this is me, the football player. This is me, the person. No, it's you.

• 22:22Ed Mylett?

  That's right.

• 22:23Inky Johnson?

  As an individual, it's not me, the athlete, me, the football player.

• 22:26Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 22:27Inky Johnson?

  And so I think when we talk to conditional and non conditional, you gotta show up, man, and it's gotta be who you are. Like in, in, um, in the inner cities of America, we got this thing where we say, it can't be on you, it's gotta be in you. Right. It can't be on you, it's gotta be in you. Right. And that's our way of saying, when you show up, man, it can't be conditional.

• 22:48Ed Mylett?

  So good.

• 22:49Inky Johnson?

  It has to be who you are.

• 22:50Ed Mylett?

  Yep. You know how this applied for me. The reason it's so important for me. Cause I'll hear, by the way, the kid that told me the story, I said, how's it applied for you? He goes, he said something I'm never gonna forget. He goes, you know, a lot of you guys will prepare really, really hard if you're the starter.

• 23:03Inky Johnson?

  Definitely.

• 23:04Ed Mylett?

  But if you're the third dude coming off the bench, you don't prepare as hard because it's conditioned. You're probably not gonna play anyways. And he goes, and I said, that's gonna take you the rest of your life. And then the difference of the score, playing a hundred percent, balls to the walls when it's, you know, thirteen to twelve, but you're down forty-two to six. All of a sudden, you don't hustle the same or wanna make that tackle the same. For me, cause I'm not a college football player anymore, I heard that and it stayed with me. Many years later, here's where it came up for me.

• 23:30Ed Mylett?

  I had a tendency in my life that the way I treated you was conditional on how you treated me. And, and I think most people live their life that way. And I was like, well, then that's not really who I am then. I should treat someone in spite of how they treat me. And, and it showed up, I've got, I had a viral post a few weeks ago, but I thought about you. I'm driving in the car and this dude kept cutting me off. You've always had that guy, you know, that guy, right? Then he's yelling at me, then he's honking, then he gets behind me, he's riding my bumper. Then he wants to race, you know? I mean, 99 out of 100 times in my life, I'm like, look MF'er, you know, I'm giving it back to him, right? We're both in cars. But, but this has been important to me, what you said. And my treatment of this man is not going to be conditional on his treatment of me. That was an extreme example.

• 24:15Inky Johnson?

  That's good.

• 24:16Ed Mylett?

  But I actually maintained my composure. I stayed peaceful, I stayed with equanimity. And when I found out ironically, that frustrates them more than anything because they wanted to get this other side of me.

• 24:26Inky Johnson?

  Definitely.

• 24:27Ed Mylett?

  But you gotta ask yourself that, everybody. Where is conditional effort, conditional treatment showing up in your life? And, and eventually it's going to cost you somewhere, a relationship, a business? You know, preparing every single day to communicate like you and I do. I, I do that on days I'm not speaking, not just on the days I am, right? And so it shows up in every, well, you're the one who came up with it, not me.

• 24:47Inky Johnson?

  Yeah, that's so good, but it made me think about something, what you said, when you talked about the incident with the car. It made me think about something in terms of, like, this is what I realized years ago. So I was watching something from Phil Jackson when he spoke about Kobe. And he talked about his talent. He was like, man, he's so talented, so gifted. He said, but he went to the next level when he wanted to know the nuances of the game. How things worked, like how to do things, right? How, how things would work if I did this and did that. And it made me think about this at, um. I remember he spoke about a call that Jerry West called him and said, hey, Phil,

• 25:30Inky Johnson?

  I was just talking to this Kobe Bryant kid, man, and he wanted to know how back in the day, we were scoring 30 points and doing this, but you guys got this triangle offense, right? And Phil said, as soon as he hung up the phone, he was like, oh, man, I'm gonna have a problem. Like, I run the triangle offense to try to keep things restricted, disciplined, I'm gonna have a problem. And so he said, the next time he talked to Kobe, he realized that Kobe just wanted to understand how did Jerry West and the guys do it? How do they become efficient and effective at doing it, right? And what it made me realize, in terms of our encounter, when we speak to conditional and non-conditional, I realized with me personally, when I deal with a person, oftentimes, years ago, I started to realize,

• 26:16Inky Johnson?

  I never think about what that person may be dealing with.

• 26:19Ed Mylett?

  Right.

• 26:20Inky Johnson?

  When I have an encounter with a person, I just think about how it makes me feel. What happens, what transpires, conditional, non-conditional, I just think about how I feel in the moment, right, based upon what they just did. I never think about, man, what may this person be going through?

• 26:35Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 26:36Inky Johnson?

  Or dealing with that's making them react or act in a certain way based upon the condition or the situation that we're now experiencing or encountering, right? And it takes a person to a different level when you move beyond talent. We're using talent because of the situation, but when you move beyond talent and you wanna understand the nuances of how things work.

• 26:56Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 26:56Inky Johnson?

  Right? What may they be dealing with? What are they going through?

• 27:00Ed Mylett?

  So good.

• 27:01Inky Johnson?

  That made them react or act in that way.

• 27:03Ed Mylett?

  Here's what's crazy, five minutes before you got here, I wanna do, uh, I wanna do one of my Thursday episodes on parenting, so I'm studying these different parenting clips. And this is incredible that you just said this, and I'm just gonna reinforce the point. So, I found this clip of Oprah Winfrey's interviewing Mr. Rogers.

• 27:21Inky Johnson?

  Wow.

• 27:22Ed Mylett?

  And that's a weird clip, right? But I'm like, wow, this is interesting, this is on parenting. I'm just doing some prep, cuz I wanna make a, I wanna make a good course on it. Anyway, Oprah says, what would make you, what's one tip you could give all parents to be a better parent? And he said, uh, remember what it would be, remember what it was like when you were a child? How did you feel? What was it like coming up? And it made me think, like, What if I started to think through that with other people? What if I remember what it was like when I was offended? Remember how I felt when I lost? Remember how I felt when my relationship ended? Remember how I felt when I won? When I was rejected? When I was disrespected? Remember? And if I could think that, if I remember how I felt when, right? I don't know what that guy in the car was going through that day. Maybe he just lost his job. Maybe his girlfriend broke up with him. Maybe he just missed a bill, right?

• 28:05Ed Mylett?

  But if I could remember what I felt like, because I've also been that guy. I've been the agitated guy. I've been the pissed off dude. Remember what it feels like to be that person? And that's exactly what you're saying. It's like, by the way, this is what, everyone, you're welcome that this is free today? Because this is like a success in life masterclass that we're going through here. And I'm gonna go through some other things too with you. You speak to all these different college football programs. It's a great organization. So, most people that are listening to this are leading something. They lead in a family, or they're leading a small business, or a big business, or something. They're leading something. You've been with Alabamas, you've been with the Clemsons, and you've been with some pretty good teams too. We don't need to name the pretty goods.

• 28:42Inky Johnson?

  Absolutely.

• 28:43Ed Mylett?

  What's something you've observed with the really elite leaders programs? It's just the subtle, because to me, I've spoken all over the place. It's very hard for me to tell the difference when I go into a top 30 team, but you do a lot of it. I do a little bit of that. What is one thing you've noticed? Is it standards? Is it process? Is it, what is it that separates the best organizations from the pretty good ones that you've been in to speak to?

• 29:09Inky Johnson?

  You know, it's been, it's been pretty cool, because I'm a student, right? Like, I tell you all the time, man, like, I look at everything. Mannerisms, how someone speak, I look at everything. So, when I go to these organizations and been going to them for years, I watch everything, right? I remember going to Clemson, and the first time I went down the slide, right? In the, in the facility, Dabo got the slide, and I'm like, man, this is phenomenal. Go to the back, the basketball court, like, every facility has their thing, right? To where's the top of the line? And then you start to watch them in meetings, right? I remember, one of the first times I was in a Dabo meeting, I was listening to him speak, man, and they were talking about life, and then they got to football, and it was, it was phenomenal. I remember going to watch Saban, all these guys, Tennessee, Georgia, Kirk, I was watching.

• 29:53Inky Johnson?

  I'm like, man, this is phenomenal. And one of the things that I learned was, everybody had a different recipe, right? But the standard was the standard. And you could feel the standard, right? And when I say you could feel the standard, when you went through the building and how guys operated and how guys protected their brand and what it was about, it was phenomenal. You could feel it, right? And when I say you could feel it, I'll never forget Saban walking down the hallway and guys just had a certain respect in that facility for Saban. I'll never forget going to speak at Georgia. When Kirby walked in the room, it wasn't no jiving around. It wasn't guys talking. Everybody locked in front and center. I remember seeing Dabo come out, the energy that he brought. And I was like, everybody has a different recipe,

• 30:37Inky Johnson?

  but the standard is the standard in all of these places. And they operate and they lock into it differently.

• 30:42Ed Mylett?

  Let me ask you a question about it. Let me ask you a question about that. You have content that says the difference between an expectation and a standard.

• 30:48Inky Johnson?

  Absolutely.

• 30:49Ed Mylett?

  I told you, I listen to everything.

• 30:50Inky Johnson?

  Yeah.

• 30:50Ed Mylett?

  What's the difference?

• 30:51Inky Johnson?

  Expectation is external. Standard is internal, right? Standard, like this is us. This is who we are. This is how we operate. This is how we do things, right? That's standard, right? And we go out in the community like this is who we are. Expectation, that's external. That's what they say about us in the paper before the season. All right, they had a lot of success last year. And see, can they follow it up? That's expectate, that's what they create. The standard is what we create. That's what we operate by, right? That's our guide. When we show up, this is who we are. That's not predicated upon what they say. It's not predicated upon the weather. It's not predicated upon rain, sleet or snow. This is how we get down. This is how we operate.

• 31:36Inky Johnson?

  Rain, sleet, snow, come hail or high water. This is our standard, right? Expectation, that's predicated upon external factors. Our standard, this is internal. This is who we are. This is how we get down.

• 31:51Ed Mylett?

  So good. I told my producer before he walked in that I said, just so you know, you're ready for one of the best podcasts you will ever heard in your life. And now they know why. I'm ready to run through a wall. I wish I could. I told, I called, told Coach Prime last week, I interviewed Coach Prime. I said, I think I have probably a half a season of eligibility left. I'm 52. I don't know if you need a quarter or a strong. But I want to run through a wall right now with you. What does process is the voice mean? What does that mean?

• 32:17Inky Johnson?

  Yeah, yeah. Process is the voice, man. It's that thing in your head, man. When you start something, it's going to help you finish it, right? Because when I think process. You know, personally, I think finish, right? I look at life as a process. But I was, um, I was reading a book, man, um, it was a Harvard Business Review. And it was talking about post-traumatic growth, right? And you talk about the term, Ed, you ever heard the term? And I'm sure we've all heard it at some point. And it talked about the term, if it doesn't kill me, it's gonna make me stronger, right? And it talked about that term originating from post-traumatic growth. How a person can go through a level of adversity and opposition and how most people are resilient by nature, right?

• 33:01Inky Johnson?

  And so when they encounter certain things, they're resilient, they'll get through it. But for most people, they'll get through the adversity and opposition, but they'll go back to the same behaviors, same habits, same routines. And it said with post-traumatic growth, these people go through adversity, opposition, challenges. And on the other side of it, they have post-traumatic growth because they give the adversity, the opposition and the trauma a narrative, right? And they go out into the world and they use it. And so for me, when I think process and I think finish, for me, adversity, opposition, challenges, I look at it in terms of it's just post-traumatic growth, finish, right? Everything that happens along the process, finish.

• 33:44Inky Johnson?

  So I can have the chance and the opportunity at post-traumatic growth to be something different, right? That's where it comes from, Ed, when I say my arm and my hand is paralyzed, my heart isn't. People thought it just came from a place. No, I gave my pain a narrative. Yes. Right? My arm and my hand is paralyzed, my commitment level isn't, right? Commitment, stand true to what you said you would do, long after the mood that you've set it in has left. Finish. Process, finish, right? What is commitment? Stand true to what I said I would do, long after the mood that I've set it in has left. Finish, right? A champion is built on the other side of I don't feel like it. Finish, right? That's what process is to me.

• 34:26Inky Johnson?

  It's finishing, that's the voice that says, no matter what you encounter, it's gonna be a process. Finish it, man.

• 34:33Ed Mylett?

  The reason you feel something when he speaks is because he lives this. I don't think you can transfer to somebody that which you really aren't experiencing. And so like the fact that you, like, I've never heard that before. I've never heard process described that way. I'm always thinking of like sequential steps only and not the part of finishing it. So I'm gonna ask you some personal things. Just about you, like, because you're always this perspective person for me. During the pandemic, you checked your phone. I think you end up looking at your phone is the way the story goes. And you're like, I don't have any pictures in my phone.

• 35:04Inky Johnson?

  Absolutely.

• 35:05Ed Mylett?

  And so different stories hit people different ways. I want you to tell the story. What it meant for me is I was like, man, for me, I don't have enough mental pictures either. Like, I've done, I've been in a lot of places that I wasn't even there in my life. In other words, I've not always lived by being where my feet are. So that piece of content for me, I was like, wow, man, I, too often, my wife will say, do you remember when Bella? And I'm like, no, she goes, you were right there. She was four. This is important for everybody to hear, because everyone thinks my life.

• 35:35Inky Johnson?

  It's real.

• 35:35Ed Mylett?

  No, I don't, I literally don't remember that. She goes, you were sitting right there. I'm like, but I wasn't there. And so when you had this post about this, I mean, it maybe was on your podcast, your post, I'm like, man, I don't, not only do I not have a lot on my phone, I don't have enough in my head. I'm 52 years old, there's not enough pictures I got to hold on to for being present in different moments. But for you, it had a different meaning. What, what, what was your reflection on that when you looked?

• 36:00Inky Johnson?

  That's good, man.

• 36:02Ed Mylett?

  Thank you.

• 36:03Inky Johnson?

  I want to challenge everybody, when you get some time, just go pull out some old pictures of your children, spouse, family, and just look through them and just pay attention to the way it makes you feel. Right? And so for me, when I went through the pandemic, and I was looking through my phone, and of course, The industry that I'm in, you in, got hit, right? You can't be in a room with more than ten people, you know? And of course, you can speak virtually, but when you're in a room, like it, it, it feels different, right? You feed off the crowd, things like that. And so I was doing virtual stuff, but I couldn't be in a room and I was missing that.

• 36:45Inky Johnson?

  But also I was looking at my phone and I was like, man, I don't really have pictures. I, like, I've been to a lot of places, but I don't really have a lot of pictures of the places. Like, I might get a picture, he a picture, but I didn't have pictures to where I could look and be like, man, I really enjoyed that. And I said, man, you know what? After the pandemic, like, I'm gonna have fun and I'm gonna enjoy the moments and I'm gonna get more pictures. And so I speak to one of the moments that I have been speaking to Bama since 2015. And I didn't have a picture worth saving. And this last year that he retired, I went to speak and we take a picture in the office.

• 37:23Ed Mylett?

  Thank God, you didn't know he was retired.

• 37:24Inky Johnson?

  I didn't know he was retiring, right? And I got the picture, but it just shows that, I said, I started this year and I said, um, you know, John does the one word.

• 37:34Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 37:34Inky Johnson?

  Every year, right? And I was like, man, this year, my word is gonna be fun, man.

• 37:39Ed Mylett?

  I love it.

• 37:40Inky Johnson?

  I'm gonna have fun with what I do, my work, the places I go. Like, I'm gonna have fun, I'm gonna enjoy it, right? Because the type of person I am, I can lock in, I can look at the task, I can get it done. But I didn't always have fun with what I was doing. Right? And the pandemic made me realize that. And so after that, I was like, man, you know what? I'm just gonna enjoy and have fun with my work and the process of doing it and getting it done. I'm gonna take pictures more, I'm gonna look at those pictures, I'm gonna enjoy the moment. So it was just about enjoying the things that I was a part of.

• 38:11Ed Mylett?

  Me too, me too. And I gotta tell you that it impacted me on that, like, I haven't had enough fun. I've kicked some tail in business and had some great experiences, helped a bunch of people. But at the end of the day, you gotta have some fun. Like, that's, that's why I do the show. Like, a lot of people ask me all the time, one, I get to have friends on like you. It makes me emotional that I get to do this, just as I say that. But also, like, I learn a lot. There's moments in almost every conversation where I go, that's me right there. It makes me grow. That's why I hope y'all keep listening, by the way, at the same time.

• 38:43Ed Mylett?

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• 39:27Ed Mylett?

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• 40:11Ed Mylett?

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• 40:45Ed Mylett?

  Okay, something on your show. I told everybody I was gonna get through a lot of stuff with Inc. today and we're already running out of time. This thing just is flying by. So, I'm gonna mess this up, but it was something that was discussed on your podcast between you and the co-host. Okay? And I'll mess it up and then you clean it up, okay? But it was something like the difference between my preference or my principle and purpose versus principle and purpose.

• 41:07Inky Johnson?

  Yeah, principle and preference.

• 41:09Ed Mylett?

  Okay, give me that.

• 41:10Inky Johnson?

  Yeah, so we were talking about how, you know, people operate sometimes off of emotions. And he used the word preference, right? And we talked about principles. And when you have principles, you're guided by principles. And I was telling him about an example. I was talking to someone and they were just writing situations off, writing people off, right? Writing things off. And I was like, man, you can't live your life that way. Not that you ignore how you feel, because those are your emotions. You stay true to it. But you have to operate by some principles and you have to be guided by something as a person. My grandparents used to always say to me as a young man, Ed, if you don't stand for something, you fall for anything.

• 41:52Inky Johnson?

  And that was their way of saying to me, Inc. have some principles that you're guided by as a man, right? To where you don't go out and you ride the emotional roller coaster in life because you're not guided by anything, right? It's like, I read something recently, Ed, and it blew my mind. It talked about self-discipline. And it said with self-discipline, oftentimes, we want the pursuit, right? If you're trying to be disciplined in something, you want the pursuit, but you don't always think about what you need to go without, right? You think about the pursuit. I'm gonna be disciplined, I'm gonna work, I'm gonna pursue something, goals, dreams, aspirations. But you don't always think about what you need to go without.

• 42:33Inky Johnson?

  And I think when you have certain principles in place, when you encounter things that don't align with your principles, you can go without. But when you're not guided by principles and you're guided by emotions, you ride the emotional roller coaster, you accept anything, you find yourself in situations that don't feed you. Your words fulfills you, right? And you're accepting and you're doing anything and you find yourself with this void. And so we talked about preference, principles, emotions, principles.

• 43:02Ed Mylett?

  Love it.

• 43:03Inky Johnson?

  Just being guided by something, man, as an individual.

• 43:05Ed Mylett?

  What do you think moves you more or people more? I'm just curious, it's motivation. The fear or pain, moving away from pain?

• 43:14Ed Mylett?

  Or moving towards a dream and a vision and pleasure like like Tim Grover, our friend talks about the dark side, like leverage the dark side, right? Then you got other people in life to say, no, well, you can do that, but like you got to have a vision and a dream of what you're pursuing. I'm just curious as to where you come down on that, the different leaders you've been around yourself. Mayo, your best friend's the new coach of the Patriots. Congratulations to him. You and I were just talking about that as a Patriots fan. I really want him to succeed. But I'm just curious in your case, what do you think? If someone's listening, like I need to find some levers. Like I want to get going. Is there the lever to avoid pain? Like this man here grew up basically, one of the things he was most grateful for when he gets to Tennessee is a mattress.

• 43:55Inky Johnson?

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 43:57Ed Mylett?

  Speak to that. And then, and then what do you think? Was it, was it moving away from something or the, the joy of moving towards something? And then tell me about, from your perspective, the simple things that were important to you.

• 44:10Inky Johnson?

  I remember I used to say at, I didn't live my life with any regrets. I remember saying that, right? Whenever somebody would ask me a question, you got any regrets? Nah, man, I'm cool. I don't have any regrets. I don't live my life that way. And so as my little sister started to get older, the dialogue started to change, started to watch them encounter certain situations. My children are getting older and it makes you reflect, right? Like as your kids grow up, you reflect different encounters. And one of my little sisters, she plays basketball, extremely competitive like me, right? She's just extremely competitive. And I'm watching her one day and man, she's a dog, right? She's a dog, man.

• 44:55Inky Johnson?

  She can hoop, she can ball. She went to the University of Kentucky. She finished up, she's playing overseas now and she's a dog and I'm watching her and I'm like, man, she's just not enjoying it. Like she's playing, she could drop 20, she's just so caught up in it, like she's not enjoying it. And we're talking one day and I said, you know, man, one of the things if I can go back and change in my career, they had never heard me say this because I was always, I don't have any regrets. I said, one of the things if I could go back and change, I would enjoy the process a lot more. I said, I didn't always enjoy it because I was so focused on what I was trying to accomplish.

• 45:39Inky Johnson?

  I missed a lot of moments. That's why I always say, like Saban says, don't waste a felon. Always say, don't waste encounters, don't waste opposition, don't waste moments when they don't go the way you want it to go. Right? And for me, I wasted a lot of moments that I felt could have contributed to my development. Because things didn't go the way that I wanted it to go. And so the thing that I would say to people is on the journey to becoming, on the journey to accomplishing, on the journey to getting things done, don't postpone your joy, don't postpone your happiness, don't postpone your peace. Because oftentimes that's what we do. When I make this amount, then I'll celebrate. When we accomplish this as a company, then we're gonna celebrate, then we're gonna have a part.

• 46:24Inky Johnson?

  Man, when I do this, then I'm gonna go out and sell. That's great. All of that is great. That's fun. That's cool. But make sure you're not postponing your joy, your happiness and your peace. Because in my case, it still didn't happen.

• 46:38Ed Mylett?

  Right.

• 46:39Inky Johnson?

  I still didn't get to the league.

• 46:40Ed Mylett?

  You know, I've known you a long time. That's the most emotion I've seen on your face when you talked about something like that. That's a real thing for you. You didn't get another play.

• 46:47Inky Johnson?

  Definitely.

• 46:48Ed Mylett?

  You were gonna get around to enjoying it once, once you get to the NFL or whatever, right?

• 46:52Inky Johnson?

  Absolutely.

• 46:53Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, me too.

• 46:54Inky Johnson?

  Yeah.

• 46:54Ed Mylett?

  Man, take lessons from the two of us. We both, you know, there's this great Chinese proverb that says, if you want to know the road ahead, ask those coming back.

• 47:01Inky Johnson?

  Hmm, that's good.

• 47:02Ed Mylett?

  You know, and in a lot of cases, you know, for you and I, we've been able to, we've had a lot of good things happen in our lives and it's interesting that we both share that in common. And I've watched you, I think you do a better job of that than most now. But yeah, my playing days, my business days.

• 47:17Inky Johnson?

  Yeah.

• 47:18Ed Mylett?

  Man, I made a lot of money, but I had a lot of fun. You know? I, I regret that.

• 47:25Inky Johnson?

  Yeah.

• 47:25Ed Mylett?

  I used to say that, see, I don't have any regrets. I ended up where I was supposed to. That's, ending up where you're supposed to is different than not having a regret. Both can be true. I did end up where I was supposed to and I got some regrets.

• 47:35Inky Johnson?

  Absolutely.

• 47:36Ed Mylett?

  I've got several. One of them for me. Thank God was not, towards the end of my dad's life, not spending time with him, not getting time. You had a post the other day, is it freaking you out how much I know about what you're talking about?

• 47:53Inky Johnson?

  If it was opposite, I'd be doing the same to you. I got my pad in my bag with all the notes on it.

• 47:58Ed Mylett?

  It's crazy how much I do this with you, but it's things, there's certain things that just grip you, you know? And you were telling a story, I'll let you tell it, about a friend of yours who got a voicemail. You know the story that I'm talking about? I don't think anybody who's listening to this show will forget this story after you tell it. This is just such a lesson in that, it's kind of connected to what you just said, but a little bit different.

• 48:17Inky Johnson?

  Absolutely. Yeah, I said, um, I said I wanted to thank one of my, one of my friends because I'll never forget, he played me a voicemail. And on the voicemail, it was his father talking, leaving him a message. And he was at a point in his life, you know, things were going great, you know? Life is going phenomenal, and his father had called him. And he could have picked it up, but he didn't. And he was like, man, I'mma get back to him, I'mma get back to him, I'mma call him right back. And he got to doing something, and when he finally made the call, the person that picked up the phone said to him,

• 48:58Inky Johnson?

  "Hey man, your father is gone. Your father died. Like, your father, he's dead."

• 49:05Inky Johnson?

  And I'll never forget him playing that voicemail for me, and looking at his tears, and his tears brought conviction to my soul. Because I was like, man, I get to running in life, and my dad calls me, and my mom calls me, and I'm, "Yeah, I'mma call you back, I'mma do this." And it's just like how we do things, how we live life. It's like when I said to the guys years ago, and I said, "Man, one of the most underrated blessings is leaving our house every single day, thinking we're gonna make it back to our house every single day." Right, and it's somebody that wakes up every single day, they don't make it home. They don't see their children again, they don't see their spouse again, right? But every single day, we live our lives as if life has promised us something.

• 49:50Inky Johnson?

  We do things as if life has promised us something. It's just the way I played the game, the same way. Balls to the wall, give everything to it, right? Not appreciating it. And when I heard that voicemail, it was conviction to where it was like, it's like the, the, um, the clip you see on social media to where the guy just says, "Hey, call your mom."

• 50:09Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 50:10Inky Johnson?

  Ever saw that clip?

• 50:10Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 50:11Inky Johnson?

  And like the truth that it has.

• 50:13Ed Mylett?

  It does, it hits you, it's a simple sentence, you go, "He's right."

• 50:16Inky Johnson?

  Call your mom, man, if your mom is living, call your mom.

• 50:19Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 50:19Inky Johnson?

  Because we text, right? We tell people, and you're like, man, when you think about it, you're like, man, yeah, like, call your mom.

• 50:26Ed Mylett?

  Right.

• 50:27Inky Johnson?

  Like, call your dad if you still got your dad. Call your little sisters, right? And we get in this fast-paced society, and when you lose something, it brings a certain level of conviction and thought that makes you appreciate things around you and the things that you have. And that moment changed me.

• 50:45Ed Mylett?

  Me too.

• 50:45Inky Johnson?

  As a man.

• 50:46Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 50:47Inky Johnson?

  Because of how me and my father's relationship started out to where we are now, I'm grateful for my father. But it was a point in time in my father, in me and my father's life, because of how we started out, eh, I took the relationship for granted. And now, seeing the grandfather that he is, the father that he is, and the grace that I not only have for my father, the grace that I have for myself in terms of dealing with my father and the encounters that we've had, that moment changed me as a man. I like to think I'm a better son because of that. And so I said to my, my brother, I said, "Man, I appreciate you sharing it because that's a vulnerable moment."

• 51:28Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 51:29Inky Johnson?

  For him, but I thank God that he was willing to share that with me, and that helped me.

• 51:33Ed Mylett?

  I gotta tell you, it hit me so hard, I wanna ask you about you and your dad after that too, I've never asked you, but, just to give people a lesson on life, if you would, but my dad, I didn't realize it, but my dad had left me a voicemail that I did call him back, I just never deleted it, I just left it on my phone. And, uh,

• 51:54Ed Mylett?

  Like three years later, my dad had passed away. So it's been almost three years. This was very recently. I was, you know, you like clean up your phone. Absolutely. I'm on an airplane. I'm like, I'm gonna clean up my phone, get these pictures out of here. Get this out. I don't need that anymore. These voicemails. I go down like, what's my dad's number on there? It says dad. I'm like, I didn't even know this was in my phone. Now my earbuds on, on the airplane. And there's people sitting by me and I play this and it's like, hey kiddo, how are you? Strong. And I'm listening to my dad speak just a normal loving to me for a day, you know? And you know, I had my issues with my dad too. And how emotional I got, but I'm crying on this airplane. People looking at me. I'm like, I'm just listening to my dad. You know, but how many times I took for granted, just dad calling. No doubt.

• 52:38Ed Mylett?

  Dad calling. You know what I would do to get an actual phone call from my father again? Like I just, when you said that story, like brother, like, and by the way, I must've played this voicemail now. I've gone through a rough time recently. I pray, you know, the Lord is my savior. But I gotta tell you something about your dad, dad, if you got a decent one this year. Just I play that. It gives me comfort hearing my dad's voice. Makes me emotional now, but like, don't everybody take for granted these precious people, these moments that you had. The reason is, is because you can talk to your mom anytime, talk to your dad anytime, until you can't. Absolutely. Until you can't, even you today. Absolutely. Seeing you come out, give you this big hug. I don't know. Absolutely. I love this man. I don't get to see him very much, you know, like I get to walk out there and look at the ocean with my brother for a few minutes.

• 53:21Ed Mylett?

  You know, like take it in and it's changed me. It's just, it's changed me. Um, I just want to share that with you.

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• 54:00Ed Mylett?

  Now, give everyone a little bit of a lesson too. You didn't, you could have held your dad in some resentment the rest of your life, right? We've all had people that we don't understand why they've treated us or behaved a particular way. Right? And in your dad's case, you can say, but in your dad's case, like, he wasn't around all the time. Right? So, so how did you get there? I mean, give us some counsel on that. There's someone listens right now, it's like, look, my so and so and my best friend and I haven't talked in two years. Or my boss did this to me and took someone else and gave him the promotion. Or, but in your case, describe a little bit about where the relationship was with your dad when you were a little boy. Cause it's a, it's an unbelievable story, frankly. And then how did it get to where it is now?

• 54:41Inky Johnson?

  Absolutely. So, um, when I grew up, Ed, and you know this, I grew up in a two bedroom home with 14 people. And, um, my mom had me at 16. And so she had me really young and, um, I've always been the type of kid to where, like, I like to talk to people that's a lot older than me, more experienced than me. I've always been that way, ever since I was a little boy, man. I would be the guy that was hanging around the older guys, just listening. You know, trying to pick things up. And I had a lot of questions because I was in an environment and also in a household to where I was being exposed to a lot, right? A lot of things at a young age.

• 55:23Inky Johnson?

  And at night I would want to ask my father, like, hey, man, I saw this today. Man, can you give me some insight on it? Oh, man, this happened today. And I couldn't. And over time, it built up a certain resentment to where, when he finally started calling me, it was like, no, I don't want to talk to him. Right? Like, he's not here. He's not in the same house as me. I don't want to talk to him. And he was trying at the time, like, hey, Inc., I can come pick you up, take you here. Nah, man. And, um, I had this teacher. My eighth grade teacher. He asked me a question one day, and I was a young man at the time, and he would always say to us, "I'm not talking to you as an eighth grader. I'm talking to you as if you're somebody's father or grandfather."

• 56:08Inky Johnson?

  You know, as a young man, you're like, "What? Like, father, grandfather, like, what? No, I'm not talking to y'all as eighth graders. I'm talking to you as if you're gonna be a father or a grandfather." And he kinda sensed it and knew, because he would be around us a lot, be in the neighborhood. And he said to me one day, "What if one day you have a son, and your son treats you the way you treat your father?"

• 56:33Inky Johnson?

  And even as a young man, I was like, "I don't know if I'll be able to handle that." And he was like, "Your father still shows up and tries to cultivate the relationship." He's like, "Right, wrong, and indifferent. He's still pressing the issue, trying to create the relationship." I was like, "Yes, sir." He said, "Just sit with that." I was like, "All right, cool." Next time I got with my father, we're talking, and I just wanted to know. And my father started telling me about when he was a teenager, he lost his mom. I didn't know that. He lost his mom, most important thing to him when he was a teenager. My mom gets pregnant as a teenager. He just lost the only thing that he's ever had. He goes into basically hiding. He don't know how to respond, right?

• 57:18Inky Johnson?

  She comes to him with a kid. He goes off, plays a little ball, trying to accomplish a dream. And then this kid comes along. And then when we passed it up, Ed, what I started to understand was, as a young man, I didn't have the capacity to understand what he was dealing with in the moment. I didn't even have the capacity at twelve, thirteen, not that my feelings weren't real. My feelings were very real, but I didn't have the capacity. Now that I'm a father, I look at it totally different. I tell guys all the time, "Until you walk down certain roads, you can never understand or look at certain situations the way other people would have seen them." When I became a father, I viewed fatherhood and my father totally different. When I got children, I viewed fatherhood totally different.

• 58:01Inky Johnson?

  When I became a husband, I viewed being a hu- totally different. And so for me and my father, it was like, "Man, create some grace, man." Like, nobody is perfect, right? Like, create some grace, like, this fifteen, sixteen years old, eh? Like, them kids having kids, right? And I'm so grateful I did. One of the greatest decisions I've ever made was forgiving my father. Right, it changed me and my father's relationship. But to watch my father as a grandfather. Man, it's one of the most fulfilling things in the world to me.

• 58:36Ed Mylett?

  It's beautiful.

• 58:37Inky Johnson?

  Right, I'll never forget, a man said to me, Ed, and I never thought about it this way. He said, I got to watch my father be a son. And you don't think about that. A guy said, I got to watch my father be a son to his father. And most times, we don't get to see that. And so for my son, one of the things that's important to me as a father is for my son to get to say, man, I got to watch my father be a son to his father. That's a totally different dynamic. My son coming up watching me, but when I get around my father, my son gets to say, man, I got to watch my father be a son to his father.

• 59:18Inky Johnson?

  Yeah, he was my father, but I got to watch him around his dad and watch him be a son to his father. That's a powerful dynamic that very few men get to experience, right?

• 59:31Ed Mylett?

  Because you gave your dad grace, you gave your son that gift. Yeah, that's lights out good.

• 59:37Inky Johnson?

  Yes, sir.

• 59:37Ed Mylett?

  That is lights out right there.

• 59:39Inky Johnson?

  Yes, sir.

• 59:40Ed Mylett?

  You know, as I've gotten older, when I extend grace to people, I'll say it the secular way. When I extend grace to people, I feel the best about myself. And I, I'll say it the non-secular way. When I give people grace, I feel like I'm acting as Christ would want me to.

• 1:00:04Inky Johnson?

  That's good.

• 1:00:04Ed Mylett?

  And I think when I don't, perhaps I'm not.

• 1:00:08Inky Johnson?

  Absolutely.

• 1:00:08Ed Mylett?

  And it's, it's one of the highest choices as a human you can make is to extend grace to somebody who maybe in that moment, you don't have the perspective to know they deserve it. The point is, what you, you did is, is kind of what, what Mr. Rogers said earlier. You, you pictured your dad as a son and what he had to go through. And so I, that's one of the best things I've ever heard in my life, what you just said right there. It's lights out. I told you guys this was gonna happen today.

• 1:00:32Inky Johnson?

  Thank you, man.

• 1:00:33Ed Mylett?

  I don't like that the time's up. It frustrates me. And by the way, it's not quite up. I'm gonna ask him one more question, because I'm curious about this with you. You're a special man. You are, you're a special man. You're somebody that I admire. I actually, I could say this to you as, I mean, I know I'm older and whatever. I look up to you.

• 1:00:50Inky Johnson?

  Aw, man.

• 1:00:50Ed Mylett?

  Look up to the way you, thank you.

• 1:00:52Inky Johnson?

  Thank you.

• 1:00:52Ed Mylett?

  I look up to you.

• 1:00:55Ed Mylett?

  There have been times in my life, this is no joke, where I have thought about how you would handle something, or how you would communicate something. I do. That's one of the highest compliments I can give somebody. You've been talking, so in the sports world, everybody, if you don't know this, we talk about winning a chip all the time. Okay, winning the chip. And so that basically means winning your title. And so like the new way to say it now is winning a chip. Anyway, you've been talking a little bit about that, but I didn't really get to catch what it means for you. So you said this year I'm gonna win the chip. But I don't, I don't want you to tell me about this year. I'm actually, just as a friend, I'm curious about this.

• 1:01:26Inky Johnson?

  Absolutely.

• 1:01:27Ed Mylett?

  What's the chip of life for you? Like if, if at the end of this life, you get the chip, right? What will have happened for you to have gotten the chip in this life?

• 1:01:36Inky Johnson?

  I, um,

• 1:01:39Inky Johnson?

  I, um,

• 1:01:43Inky Johnson?

  I always think about this, that, um,

• 1:01:47Inky Johnson?

  I want my children, um,

• 1:01:50Inky Johnson?

  when people speak about me one day, when the clock stops, man, and it's all said and done, I never want my children, when people speak about me, I never want my children, my wife, my little sisters, my family, my friends, to hear somebody speak and say,

• 1:02:12Inky Johnson?

  "I don't know that dude." "I don't know that version of him." Like when somebody speaks about me when the clock stops, I want my children to say, "That's my dude." "I live with him every single day." "I got to see the compassion, I got to see the empathy, I got to see the passion." "The dude Ed is up there talking about," I want my son to be like, "I know that guy." "That's my dude, man, he be in the house every day." "Somebody say something, I want my daughter to say, 'I know him.'" "Right?" Because the worst thing that can happen, Ed, is we get to a point in our lives, man, and we're a public success, but behind closed doors, we're a private failure. Because the people that we're closest to

• 1:02:57Inky Johnson?

  don't recognize the person that the world knows.

• 1:03:02Inky Johnson?

  And so for me, the chip for me is to always be who I say I am and do things in a way to where, when it's all said and done, I represent myself, my family, the people I'm connected to, and the people that believed in me far before the world knew me in the right way. That's the chip for me. Right?

• 1:03:24Ed Mylett?

  I love you, brother.

• 1:03:25Inky Johnson?

  I love you, man.

• 1:03:26Ed Mylett?

  What an extraordinary conversation today. Like honestly, I'm very grateful I got to share this time with you. And then we just recorded it so other people can hear our conversation.

• 1:03:36Inky Johnson?

  Likewise, man.

• 1:03:37Ed Mylett?

  And you're well on the way to earning that chip.

• 1:03:39Inky Johnson?

  Thank you.

• 1:03:39Ed Mylett?

  You are.

• 1:03:39Inky Johnson?

  I want to say this, like, we did the interview years ago, man, and I really do mean this. I was excited today for a number of reasons. Of course, being able to be in your presence. But when we did it years ago, and you know, you showed me the hot, the water, the all this stuff, right? And I go back home to my wife and I'm just so excited, like, man, I just with Ed, it was phenomenal. I was energized, inspired, right? And it took our life to another level. Right? And today, I'm on a plane, I'm like, I'm going to see Ed. True story. I'm like, God, it's time to go to another level. Right?

• 1:04:22Inky Johnson?

  Every time I'm about to go to another level, I go see Ed. You know what I'm saying? That's how I really feel, man. So I appreciate you, man.

• 1:04:31Ed Mylett?

  That's awesome. That means the world to me. You know how much that means to me.

• 1:04:35Inky Johnson?

  It's fact.

• 1:04:35Ed Mylett?

  I'm on the verge of tears half this interview today. So that means the world to me. And you are going to another level and you are going to get that chip.

• 1:04:42Inky Johnson?

  Definitely.

• 1:04:42Ed Mylett?

  And I love that the right things matter to you. All right, everybody. You're welcome. That's all I can say. It doesn't get any better than today. So, share this episode. I feel like I probably don't need you to. But anyway, everybody, max out your life and God bless you. Follow Inky on all social media and hire him to speak. If you've got a speaker, that's the best in the world right there. God bless you, everybody.