Pod Insights Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast Are You Jewish? w/ Ari Shaffir! About this episode Are You Garbage presents stand up comedian and podcast host Ari Shaffir! You Know Ari Shaffir from Stand Up Comedy, The Joe Rogan Experience/Protect Our Parks,, You Be Trippin, This is Not Happening, Kill Tony, 2 Bears 1 Cave, Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast, Flagrant and so much more! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show!
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Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test.
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Transcript 12,684 words · 5 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 H. Foley? Attention, attention, dirtbags of America. The garbage boys are back on the road for that back on the block tour.
0:07 Speaker 01 Yes, we have Chicago, Illinois at the Vic Theater. Limited seating available. That's next week, baby.
0:12 H. Foley? Let's go.
0:12 Speaker 01 Bloomington, Indiana, and we got Los Angeles, California. All tickets available at areyougarbage.com. We'll see you there.
0:19 H. Foley? Yeah. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?
0:26 Speaker 01 Hey, yeah.
0:27 H. Foley? It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out if the group to be classy.
0:31 Speaker 01 Yeah.
0:31 H. Foley? Because they're just a big old piece of trash.
0:33 Speaker 01 Trash, trash, trash.
0:34 H. Foley? I'm your host, Dave Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Toody's, back in the new edition.
0:39 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
0:39 H. Foley? The leak has been fixed.
0:41 Speaker 01 Yes.
0:41 H. Foley? Everything looks beautiful. The boys did a fantastic job. Toody is very excited. She's upstairs in her room watching Two for the Money.
0:48 Speaker 01 Okay. Is that the Al Pacino, Matthew McConaughey vehicle?
0:52 H. Foley? That's the one.
0:52 Speaker 01 Okay.
0:54 H. Foley? Very.
0:54 Speaker 01 Yeah, he's got it on DVD, I presume. I don't think that's streaming anywhere.
1:00 H. Foley? It's streaming on Netflix. I watch it this weekend. My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage, an international businessman, and god damn it, he's my best pal in the whole wide world. And I love him. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
1:14 Speaker 01 What up, gang? Shout out to you. As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube, full video available over there on Spotify, and the boys are in the middle part of the charts, baby.
1:25 H. Foley? That's not necessarily true.
1:27 Speaker 01 I think we're on that. Now, what are you talking about, cooking over there?
1:29 H. Foley? Slipping a little bit.
1:30 Speaker 01 I had a bit of the worst summer ever.
1:32 H. Foley? We need a hit.
1:33 Speaker 01 Uh, that's how we call in Ari Shafford. Uh, and then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com/areyougarbage. You go over there, you get all that bonus content, and the boys are on the road. We're coming to Chicago and Indiana. Get those tickets next week. We'll see you there.
1:47 H. Foley? Absolutely. We got the big LA show coming up, too.
1:49 Speaker 01 Ah, the big race.
1:50 H. Foley? Back to LA for the Netflix is a Joke Fest. Grab tickets for that. Uh, but gang, we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly special guest, Backless again today. He showed up out of the bushes.
2:02 Speaker 01 It looks like he got out of a Cadillac, if I'm being honest with you. This is the richest I've ever seen this guy.
2:08 H. Foley? He's running a couple of broads on the Upper West Side.
2:10 Speaker 01 This is crazy.
2:12 Speaker 02 He did look good.
2:13 Speaker 01 This is wild, dude.
2:15 H. Foley? Somebody get in on Raytheon, huh? Just in time.
2:19 Speaker 02 It's a thrift store store. It was a yard sale.
2:21 H. Foley? Gang, he has a brand new, uh, his, his, god damn it.
2:28 Speaker 01 Best in the biz.
2:29 H. Foley? His new storytelling show, The End, is on pre-sale right now at AriShafir.com. Make sure you, uh, you sign up and you, and you pre-sale it.
2:37 Speaker 01 You can, you can save money if you sign up today, gang. It's all special.
2:42 Speaker 02 Seven episodes, one hour each, six bucks each, uh, or 30 bucks for the season. Or the pre-sale right now, just $24.99.
2:50 H. Foley? There you go.
2:51 Speaker 01 That's a lot of value.
2:52 Speaker 02 $3.15 an episode for Shane Gillis, Nate Bargatze, Tony Hinchcliffe, Tom Segura. These guys will be watching. Just Stefan O'Norman.
3:01 H. Foley? We'll be in the livestream.
3:03 Speaker 01 I'll be in the chat, everybody.
3:04 Speaker 02 Literally everybody in comedy. You guys, make sure to click on that and watch me.
3:08 Speaker 01 And you always trust a guy in a gold shirt, too.
3:13 H. Foley? Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Ari Shaffir.
3:15 Speaker 02 Thank you, everybody. Thank you very much.
3:17 H. Foley? Back from the unknown.
3:18 Speaker 02 Ooh, I've got some stories for you guys. First of all.
3:23 Speaker 01 First of all, he's got the watch.
3:24 H. Foley? He's got the watch.
3:25 Speaker 01 Which, that was your going away present when you retired.
3:28 Speaker 02 So many people were like, so you're legitimately retired? So many people.
3:33 Speaker 01 I think like Joke World or somebody did Ari Shaffir, somebody like honestly did a take on Ari Shaffir's retired.
3:39 Speaker 02 Yeah, for real. It was like, I guess he's done. I don't understand.
3:42 H. Foley? Could you retire right now? Could you, could you ride off into the sunset financially?
3:45 Speaker 02 If I went back to Guatemala, yeah.
3:48 Speaker 01 That salty shirt.
3:51 H. Foley? Ha, that watch.
3:51 Speaker 02 I gotta make my money back from The End first because otherwise, I, I, this'll, I'm probably, I'm probably good for like six months. If I get that money back, I'll be okay. Then Guatemala's calling.
4:01 Speaker 01 Okay. Well, that's good.
4:02 H. Foley? Is that where you would end up if you, if you ever did decide to retire? Would you end up in a place like that?
4:07 Speaker 02 No, I'd be like Mexico City or Berlin.
4:09 H. Foley? Berlin?
4:10 Speaker 01 That's expensive, though.
4:11 H. Foley? Yeah, but expensive in Berlin.
4:12 Speaker 02 Not compared to this place.
4:13 Speaker 01 I'd see Boca for a guy like you.
4:15 Speaker 02 It wouldn't be bad. It'd have to be somewhere like, I mean, retire, retire, like I can't do anything anymore.
4:20 Speaker 01 What is, what is, no, let's just say, let's say, you know.
4:23 Speaker 02 No more stand-up?
4:24 Speaker 01 No, you can do something. The industry chews you up and spits you out.
4:26 Speaker 02 Just like you're not getting booked anymore.
4:28 Speaker 01 The end, the, the, it's no more. It's, it tanks, it's horrible. You can't get any.
4:33 Speaker 02 They find out about my fish fucking habit and they're like, no, you're out. It's disgusting morally.
4:38 H. Foley? Wait, that's bad?
4:39 Speaker 01 You're off the.
4:40 Speaker 02 It's so slippery.
4:41 Speaker 01 But it feels so good.
4:42 H. Foley? I thought sexual proclivities were all, uh, washed these days.
4:46 Speaker 01 And you had to post up somewhere in a town, but you could still work that town.
4:50 Speaker 02 Still work that.
4:50 Speaker 01 Right, ala, uh, our good friend Tom Dustin.
4:53 Speaker 02 Yeah.
4:53 Speaker 01 Where would you like, you're like, you could post up and you'd host the com- the weekly comedy night or so.
4:58 Speaker 02 Yeah, Berlin.
4:58 Speaker 01 Berlin.
4:59 H. Foley? Berlin.
5:00 Speaker 02 Berlin has a decent stand up.
5:00 Speaker 01 But you got that tall Indian guy that does have all those shows.
5:03 Speaker 02 Who?
5:03 Speaker 01 I don't know, there's a tall Indian guy out there.
5:04 Speaker 02 Russell Peters?
5:05 Speaker 01 No, some local guy, Cosmic Comedy Gang.
5:08 Speaker 02 Yeah, I would do his show. No, but that place, dude, if you're into this, uh, imbibing the stuff I imbibe, that's the spot for you.
5:15 H. Foley? Freaky sex stuff?
5:16 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah. Just watching people all fucked up on some drugs, somebody just handed you and you're like, I'll take it sight unseen, hitting you and you're just like, what the, are those two people fucking right now? Yeah, I love it.
5:27 H. Foley? I, I have to laugh a little bit.
5:30 Speaker 02 Or somewhere cool in Latin America, maybe.
5:32 H. Foley? Just to break the fourth wall, which I thought of this was very sweet, you know, I'm trying to lay off the booze and all that stuff.
5:36 Speaker 02 Nice.
5:37 H. Foley? These days, I'm trying to, um, you know, get focused and, um, you know, lay off the booze and all that stuff. Um, and we saw each other at, at our, at our show.
5:47 Speaker 02 Showed up.
5:48 Speaker 01 Last Thursday night.
5:48 Speaker 02 Ari Garbage and Friends, one of the best live shows in New York City.
5:52 H. Foley? Yes, sir, down there at the Comedy Cellar, shout out to them.
5:54 Speaker 02 Yeah.
5:55 Speaker 01 Fat black ball.
5:55 Speaker 02 Fun, relaxed, and there's always a couple of people that show up not knowing what the fuck it is. Why are they asking us questions?
6:02 H. Foley? And we went in and we sat down at the, at the Olive Tree, it was you, me, it was, it was the three of us and, uh, our good pal Colin Chamberlain. You guys were having some beers, I was having a chamomile tea.
6:12 Speaker 02 Nice, yeah.
6:13 H. Foley? Ari had like six beers and then as I just, I was leaving, he's, he's like, let me take a walk with you. And I'm like, okay. He walks around the corner, he goes, so how's your sobriety going? And in my head, I'm like, aren't you the guy that left a bag of drugs here and then disappeared into South America?
6:28 Speaker 02 How were those D's?
6:30 Speaker 01 Allegedly, allegedly.
6:32 Speaker 02 Yeah, I just wanted to check up on you.
6:33 H. Foley? And I appreciated it, man. I love you so much.
6:37 Speaker 02 I didn't know, okay, I came back and there, there's other guys like, what were you guys talking about? I'm like, oh, sports.
6:41 Speaker 01 No, I, fuck it, I didn't even, anytime a comic goes-
6:44 H. Foley? I thought that was a setup.
6:45 Speaker 02 Yeah. He goes, did they send you? I'm like, nobody sent me. I am here because I care about you.
6:51 Speaker 01 Who, who am I, the government?
6:52 H. Foley? I'm big on who sent you. How'd you get here? Who you been talking to?
6:56 Speaker 02 Who told you? Who told you that though?
6:57 H. Foley? There's a lot of that these days.
6:58 Speaker 02 We'll answer that, but who told you?
6:59 Speaker 01 It's mostly, did my mom put you up to this?
7:02 H. Foley? I'm making a walk-in intervention every, every corner I turn.
7:05 Speaker 01 That's a good life to lead.
7:09 H. Foley? So let's get to the trip a little bit. We were thinking.
7:13 Speaker 01 So the what? So he, very sweet.
7:17 Speaker 02 Let's not forget, let's not forget to.
7:18 H. Foley? Martin.
7:19 Speaker 02 To Martin on our anniversary.
7:21 H. Foley? Wherever you are.
7:22 Speaker 01 And you got it sized, because last time I saw you, when I saw you in Austin, it wasn't sized.
7:26 Speaker 02 Oh, I got it sized, buddy. Oh, I got it sized.
7:29 H. Foley? And how's it going with the time? Is it keeping good time?
7:31 Speaker 02 It's keeping excellent time. Guys, today's episode is brought to you by.
7:34 Speaker 01 No, it's not.
7:35 Speaker 02 If you're looking for a ticking talking that keeps on locking locking, look no further than Citizen. You a Citizen? I know I am.
7:42 H. Foley? It's a guy who's never had a watch before.
7:43 Speaker 02 Staying on time.
7:45 Speaker 01 Presented by ICE.
7:46 Speaker 02 I'm not out of watches. My grandfather pulled his one out of his butt after he got a Vietnam internment camp. Said, I carry this around for you. Wore it just once to show him I could, but then it was pretty gross.
7:57 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's disgusting. Did you get that sized in New York?
8:00 Speaker 02 Yeah.
8:01 Speaker 01 That's one of my favorite things in New York. It's corporate.
8:03 H. Foley? Two seconds.
8:03 Speaker 01 You walk in, it's some guy, and he goes, ah, yeah, it takes two, and he goes, give me five bucks, give me ten, seven bucks.
8:10 Speaker 02 Goes like that, you're like, six dollars?
8:11 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's always, and he just goes, what do you got? And you open up, he goes, eh, just give me six bucks.
8:14 H. Foley? Sometimes they even do it for free.
8:15 Speaker 01 Yeah.
8:16 Speaker 02 I was like hoping that was on the, on, he was like, nah, you've been here before. You've had your shoes resold. But, yeah, he goes like this, and he just, he goes, six bucks? I was like, shoot, I only have a five. Let me give you a credit card. He goes, give me the five.
8:29 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's such like a handshake deal.
8:30 H. Foley? You knew what you were doing.
8:31 Speaker 02 I knew what I was doing.
8:32 H. Foley? He had that dollar on his.
8:33 Speaker 02 I have another one in my pocket, but I didn't, he didn't see that.
8:37 Speaker 01 Sucker.
8:38 Speaker 02 None the wise, sir.
8:38 Speaker 01 Took that guy for everything he's worth.
8:39 Speaker 02 None the wise, sir.
8:41 Speaker 01 That's the end, everybody. Twenty-four ninety-nine.
8:44 Speaker 02 If you don't think I need money, you're crazy.
8:46 H. Foley? On presaledarshafir.com. Get your pre-sale.
8:50 Speaker 02 Seven fucking episodes. Dude, I was just doing the sound mix. We'll get back to this. They're so good.
8:54 Speaker 01 Hold on, I do want to say, it is literally the lineup of, it's crazy. How you got everybody?
8:59 Speaker 02 Arena comics, I, I'll tell you.
9:01 Speaker 01 In a weekend, or whatever.
9:03 Speaker 02 Multiple people that took private jets to come do my show for five hundred dollars that I paid them.
9:08 Speaker 01 Did they take the five hundred?
9:09 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
9:11 H. Foley? Really?
9:11 Speaker 02 Yeah, it bothered me. I was like, come on, dude. But I'm like, we're going out.
9:16 H. Foley? I only have four ninety-nine, is that cool?
9:18 Speaker 02 No, they all took it. I made them all take it, but it's, it's like, they'll get paid later once we start making money.
9:23 Speaker 01 I'm sure those guys are chomping at the bit for it.
9:26 Speaker 02 Oh, dude, I tell them. I'm sure Colin Terrell probably calls you every day. No, Nate was like, "You don't have to pay me." I'm like, "I'm gonna pay you, Nate." He wants his residual check for forty-one dollars.
9:36 H. Foley? Just coming up to works at the accounting department. He's gonna look for a green slate.
9:41 Speaker 02 I am legitimately broke now. I was looking at a-
9:43 H. Foley? Are you really?
9:44 Speaker 02 Yeah, no, I mean, I'm down a lot. Dude, it was all my money, and then I had to borrow the rest from Tom.
9:48 H. Foley? No shit.
9:48 Speaker 02 It was all my money to make this. Really? Yeah. I'm not a good businessman.
9:52 H. Foley? What kind of points does Tommy give you on something like that?
9:55 Speaker 02 I get it all. I got to pay him back.
9:56 H. Foley? No, I mean-
9:57 Speaker 02 You pay him a loan back? Yeah, I pay him a loan back. Is this public, by the way? Oh, we go big? Oh, yeah, I don't know. I'm sure it is. I mean, don't hit up Tom. I'm his friend. He's not gonna give you money.
10:08 H. Foley? What if he give me cash?
10:09 Speaker 02 Now I feel bad, because you got me an Uber last, two nights ago. He's like, "It's eighty bucks." Bro, it was over a hundred. Bo, um-
10:16 H. Foley? When you say you don't have any, you still have, you know, a nice little truck.
10:19 Speaker 02 I have enough where I'm not in danger for the next six, eight months, but, but- I can't take you without watching that shirt on. If I didn't go to Latin America and I had to pay my New York rent, I'd be down to about zero.
10:30 H. Foley? You look like the retarded Safdie brother.
10:34 Speaker 02 Byron Safdie. Making bad short films. It's all porn. It's just his brother's movies that turn into porn. Uncut weeners? Uncut weeners is such a great term. That's a good movie title.
10:48 H. Foley? Where did you get that shirt?
10:50 Speaker 02 Legitimately, a giant yard sale in the Bay. Called the White Elephant Sale, where they just take dead people's stuff. Sweet. Yeah, no, it was sweet. Got the Kevork on. It was sweet. Guys, I have stuff to tell you about this trip. Specifically, you. Not too busy making fun of you.
11:05 H. Foley? Ari's turning into the Annabelle doll.
11:08 Speaker 02 All right, we'll keep going with the making fun of the guest!
11:12 H. Foley? Did you have all your clothes? What did you do with all your clothes and shit like that when you went traveling? Because you only took a duffel bag, right?
11:17 Speaker 02 I put a bunch into storage that was luckily now not- No, we should go buy them at auction. Not in London.
11:23 H. Foley? Can you imagine that? Opening that shit up?
11:26 Speaker 02 Fuck, I got you feared.
11:28 H. Foley? Smelling like ganja.
11:30 Speaker 02 All the acid leaked into everything. My friend asked me, he was like, "Hey, me and a bunch of people are gonna do Mushrooms on the Road. How much should I do?" I'm like, "Where'd you get those?" He goes, "From you. From your yard sale. From your going-away drug sale." Oh, what a fun time in New York comedy to be Ari's The Elf Is Coming with baggies. What are you into? I got it.
11:49 Speaker 01 That was a lot.
11:50 H. Foley? It was all right. I still have a hit of acid in my- Oh, no.
11:53 Speaker 01 That's good. That's good for a guy getting sober. How's the sobriety going?
11:59 H. Foley? I haven't taken it.
12:01 Speaker 01 It hasn't kicked in yet.
12:09 H. Foley? Folks, we'll be right back.
12:11 Speaker 02 All right, Mr. Guys.
12:13 H. Foley? All right.
12:13 Speaker 02 What a joy, too, to walk on. I guess right now the Kill Tony's out. I walked in, surprised everybody.
12:18 Speaker 01 That was crazy. That was unplanned.
12:21 Speaker 02 So before I left, Tony asked me, Tony Hinchcliffe, young boy from Austin, he's almost got his driver's license. He said, can you do Kill Tony? And I go, no, I'm about to disappear and I don't want, your show's very popular. And I don't want anybody to recognize me before I go. And he goes, so you didn't do anybody else's podcasts? I'm like, no, nothing big. But I did make a stop on Are You Garbage?
12:42 Speaker 01 Hurtful.
12:44 Speaker 02 And I was like, I know he's upset.
12:46 H. Foley? No, I got pissed. You let these old guys.
12:50 Speaker 02 I loved you guys too much enough. So I showed up to surprise Kill Tony and I'm like, who's gonna be the guest? And then seeing you guys there was like the last people I saw and now the first ones I saw.
12:59 Speaker 01 I was shocked.
13:00 Speaker 02 Oh, what a joy.
13:01 Speaker 01 I get, he were like, it just from South America or, and I was like, what the fuck?
13:06 H. Foley? Thought it was gonna be Adam Ray. Shout out to him.
13:09 Speaker 01 Hello.
13:10 Speaker 02 Yeah, Tony, they said he slid him a note. I was like, who can get in the bucket? They're like, nobody. The bucket said. I'm like, slide him a note. And then he goes, he reads it and he goes, is this the real, is this a character? Or what? And they're like, really? Let's see. Oh, what a fun moment.
13:22 Speaker 01 That was great.
13:22 H. Foley? You killed me, your minute too.
13:24 Speaker 02 It was the first and only minute I've done in eight months. Thanks. I was, I was so nervous, bro. It's been so long. I was nervous up with you guys too.
13:33 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah, we had him on stage at the cellar.
13:35 H. Foley? Oh, yeah.
13:36 Speaker 01 That was fun. That was a good time. That was a real hoot.
13:38 Speaker 02 Riffing with people.
13:39 Speaker 01 Two mics, three guys, two mics.
13:40 Speaker 02 Three guys, two mics.
13:41 Speaker 01 We made it work.
13:42 Speaker 02 Man, the cellar really has it on. Three mics, two mic feeds.
13:45 H. Foley? Right. Well, we never told him that we needed a third mic.
13:48 Speaker 02 You were kind of an unannounced guest. Yeah, fair.
13:51 Speaker 01 He just shows up everywhere.
13:53 Speaker 02 Fair. Yeah. That's my new thing. I don't get booked. I just show up and say, can I come up with you?
13:58 Speaker 01 And you said, no, but I will come hang out.
14:00 Speaker 02 Yeah, I did. Yeah.
14:01 H. Foley? You have that cachet.
14:02 Speaker 01 And what's worse than Ari Shaffir onstage, Ari Shaffir hanging out.
14:05 H. Foley? You have that cachet. You've been gone so long, you can just show up at places.
14:08 Speaker 02 I just show up. Hey, I just.
14:09 Speaker 01 You got a huge pop.
14:10 Speaker 02 I just came. I did. It was so fun.
14:12 Speaker 01 Yeah.
14:12 Speaker 02 I was like, oh, yeah.
14:13 H. Foley? Yeah, they love you, man.
14:14 Speaker 02 I'm gonna do these riffing shows, because I get the insecure feed of people loving me without having to prepare material. It's really great.
14:20 Speaker 01 Crazy we do it. Talking about chasing the, "Welcome to the dark side, big dog."
14:26 Speaker 02 I made materials for suckers. So I got shit to tell you guys.
14:29 H. Foley? Okay.
14:30 Speaker 01 Please lay on me.
14:31 Speaker 02 So first of all, when I left.
14:33 Speaker 01 Bitcoin.
14:33 Speaker 02 I brought with me very little. I was on a backpack.
14:36 Speaker 01 Yeah.
14:37 Speaker 02 With a detachable side pouch that's back there, actually. It's whatever.
14:42 Speaker 01 Osprey, very nice.
14:43 Speaker 02 And what, it sucks. It blows.
14:44 Speaker 01 Sucks.
14:44 Speaker 02 Operai osprey. I was about to wreck them hard, but.
14:46 H. Foley? Wait, hold on. You're telling me that's all you took with you?
14:48 Speaker 02 No, and a big backpack that attached to.
14:50 H. Foley? Okay.
14:52 Speaker 02 Ow! Fuck!
14:55 Speaker 01 That used to be around tables.
14:56 Speaker 02 God, that hurt!
14:58 Speaker 01 I know that feeling.
15:01 Speaker 01 You gotta get through it. It gets worse before it gets better.
15:03 Speaker 02 This is the worst one now!
15:07 H. Foley? Are you bleeding?
15:07 Speaker 02 No, it's just a real smash.
15:11 Speaker 01 This guy's bonkers.
15:13 Speaker 02 Who made wood so hard? Okay, fuck whatever I was gonna do. Anyway, so I had a couple luxury items.
15:20 H. Foley? Okay.
15:21 Speaker 02 So you gotta take everything. One pair of pants, one pair of hiking pants. Like a few t-shirts, some underwear, but you gotta like, hiking shoes, they're also dark enough to wear out. So, but a couple things, I'm like, this'll be nice. A couple notebooks. And I did bring with me something I got from you guys at the end.
15:41 H. Foley? Of Are You Garbage playing cards. Available at areyougarbage.com.
15:45 Speaker 01 No, they're not. They're not.
15:46 Speaker 02 What?
15:46 H. Foley? No, they're not.
15:47 Speaker 02 They're not available anymore?
15:48 Speaker 01 Nah, no, we're, I think, only at live shows.
15:50 H. Foley? Ah, very nice.
15:50 Speaker 01 There's only a couple of decks left.
15:51 H. Foley? Sweet, sold out!
15:52 Speaker 02 I am telling you. At hostels.
15:55 H. Foley? Plenty of Bug Man shirts still available though.
15:57 Speaker 02 Really? That's crazy. I was at hostels and people were all talking. It's all just a bunch of travelers meeting up and talking. And then at some point ripping cigs and just drinking. And then at some point I go, hey, you know what'd be fun? I got a game.
16:11 Speaker 01 Okay.
16:12 Speaker 02 And I bring it out and bro.
16:13 Speaker 01 Pulls his dick out.
16:14 Speaker 02 It unites. There is trash from France.
16:16 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
16:17 Speaker 02 Sure. And the Netherlands and fucking Belgium and everywhere in the fucking world. There's trash. And the Latin American ones, they know it too. They're like, but sometimes they're like, what do you mean? That's a luxury item. I'm like, not to us.
16:27 Speaker 01 Yeah. We're killing it dude.
16:30 Speaker 02 This game is such a fucking unifier. It's such a unifier.
16:34 Speaker 01 That's awesome.
16:35 Speaker 02 Everybody's laughing and joking. And then they're like, oh, we have a version of that in this.
16:39 Speaker 01 It's there. Yeah, yeah.
16:40 Speaker 02 Yeah. Or they go, like the one of them was like, have you ever fully grocery shopped at a convenience store? And it was like, yeah. And somebody's like, why wouldn't you do that?
16:48 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah.
16:49 Speaker 02 Your trash. Like, no, grocery stores double in our country. Now this fucking rules.
16:53 Speaker 01 Awesome. Love to hear that.
16:54 H. Foley? Love to hear it.
16:56 Speaker 01 Spread it around. Tell your friends. Tell your fellow countrymen.
17:01 Speaker 02 You at least gotta have an online version. That's crazy.
17:04 Speaker 01 Yeah. I mean, they're, they're.
17:07 Speaker 02 What?
17:07 Speaker 01 We have thought about an app, obviously.
17:10 Speaker 02 Yeah.
17:10 Speaker 01 Yeah, but then you're like app guys.
17:12 Speaker 02 And then can I tell you what you really want to do when you're making the game?
17:15 Speaker 01 Yeah, everybody whets their beak on it. Apple wants 30%.
17:19 H. Foley? The whole rest of the week.
17:20 Speaker 02 Everybody's like, I got a, I got a question. I got a question. Like, write it down. Let's play more.
17:25 H. Foley? Our good pal, uh, Luke Combs, um, played the game once and then him and his buddies started doing questions themselves.
17:31 Speaker 02 Wow.
17:32 H. Foley? Yeah.
17:32 Speaker 01 Which I think we're working on a new, a new deck and the new deck's going to have like five to 10 blank ones that you can write your own ones in for your family, for your friend, like regionally, country, whatever you have.
17:42 H. Foley? That's fun.
17:43 Speaker 01 Have you ever worn a gold shirt? That's up to you. That's debatable, you know?
17:46 Speaker 02 I've been called Luke Combe over.
17:49 Speaker 01 Hey, thanks. Thanks a village.
17:52 H. Foley? All right. When you were producing Led Zeppelin, uh, in the 1970's.
17:56 Speaker 01 How did you get to Sam?
18:00 Speaker 02 I got another story for you too. So you gave me 300 bucks before I left.
18:04 Speaker 01 We did?
18:05 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, you did. Thinking I wouldn't take it, show it. And then, and then, and then I did take it. You're like, give it out to people who like deserve it.
18:13 Speaker 01 Oh, right, yeah, give it, that's a good tip, pay it forward.
18:16 Speaker 02 So the first one was that uh...
18:18 H. Foley? Straight to the diamond district.
18:20 Speaker 01 He's on one of those videos screaming at a guy.
18:22 Speaker 02 I deserve it, I deserve it.
18:23 H. Foley? Give me my money!
18:27 H. Foley? You scumbag!
18:28 Speaker 01 That guy's nuts.
18:29 H. Foley? I love him. Here's our gold bars in fucking midtown.
18:32 Speaker 01 Did you see there's a guy who gets his, makes his money getting the scraps in the, the street?
18:37 Speaker 02 Yeah, scraps of gold?
18:39 Speaker 01 Like gold, diamond, like things that...
18:40 H. Foley? Over in the diamond district, yeah.
18:41 Speaker 01 Yeah, he goes to the cracks in the sidewalk. And he's like, it's a horrible life, but you can do it. And then like...
18:46 H. Foley? Makes a very good living.
18:47 Speaker 02 Legend.
18:48 Speaker 01 Allegedly.
18:49 Speaker 02 Legend.
18:50 Speaker 01 Sure.
18:50 Speaker 02 Wow.
18:51 Speaker 01 You gotta think of, there's that much fucking gold and, and jewels.
18:54 H. Foley? There's people taking gold out of SIM cards too.
18:56 Speaker 02 Wow.
18:57 H. Foley? There's gold in the SIM cards, man.
18:58 Speaker 02 I'd give it to everybody though, everyone who deserves it.
19:00 Speaker 01 Something you tried to do recently.
19:01 Speaker 02 SIM cards, yeah. But there was this flutist at some fucking festival in, in, uh, in, uh, like, southeastern Mexico.
19:09 H. Foley? Now, how do you line up all these festivals?
19:11 Speaker 02 Nah, it was like a little miss fucking Mexico tiny city.
19:15 H. Foley? Okay.
19:16 Speaker 02 And so...
19:16 H. Foley? What's a flutist, like a nudist?
19:17 Speaker 02 He was playing flute.
19:18 H. Foley? Oh, playing the flute.
19:19 Speaker 02 Yeah, and he was fucking rock fluting it, dude.
19:21 Speaker 01 Rock flute.
19:21 Speaker 02 And I was like, you get, yeah, dude, you're getting, you're getting a fucking four dollars.
19:25 Speaker 01 How much?
19:26 Speaker 02 Five dollars, whatever the currency was.
19:27 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.
19:28 Speaker 02 A hundred, everyone else giving them ones, I would gave them a hundred of the local, of the fucking pesos. And it was like, what the fu... I didn't even stay for his, I didn't stay for his reaction.
19:35 Speaker 01 Good.
19:36 Speaker 02 So I did that a few people.
19:37 Speaker 01 Nice.
19:37 Speaker 02 Like, you deserve it. Kevin here would want me to give it to you.
19:41 Speaker 01 Hmm, hear that?
19:42 H. Foley? You're a good man.
19:43 Speaker 01 I'm making change.
19:44 H. Foley? Kevin, let's talk about mud water, baby.
19:46 Speaker 01 Mud water.
19:47 H. Foley? Let's talk about switching up the mornings. I know everybody loves their coffee, all that stuff, but by, you know, by 12 o'clock, you're all jittery and stuff like that. I tried mud water, absolutely fantastic. You get kind of a nice cozy boost, you feel focused, you're locked in, and you don't have those jitters, man.
20:03 Speaker 01 No.
20:03 H. Foley? I'm telling you, do yourself a favor, give it a shot once, put the coffee down, try a little mud water.
20:09 Speaker 01 Yes, they had, it's a, a coffee alternative made with cacao chai. Turmeric and functional mushroom, mushrooms like lion's mane and ricci.
20:20 H. Foley? Yeah.
20:20 Speaker 01 You get a warm focus boost without the wired buzz or midday crash. It's usually tags along with a regular cup of coffee. Listen, I've been in the position where I'm chasing cups of coffee with cups of coffee.
20:29 H. Foley? No good.
20:29 Speaker 01 The stave off to crash, the, the, it jams you up.
20:33 H. Foley? And turmeric's good for you too.
20:34 Speaker 01 Uh, every single ingredient in Mudwater products are 100% USDA certified, organic, non-GMO, gluten-free, vegan, and kosher.
20:42 H. Foley? Hello.
20:43 Speaker 01 Uh, this also, uh, there's also a zero sugar and no sweeteners added, baby. Uh, there's also a caffeine-free blends available. Uh, to use Mudwater, you simply drop the powder into your favorite mug, pour some water on it and give it, give it a mix to top with the milk of choice and sweetener.
20:59 H. Foley? Mm-hmm.
21:00 Speaker 01 Uh, ready to make the switch to cleaner energy? I know I am.
21:04 H. Foley? Sure.
21:04 Speaker 01 Head to mudwtr.com, uh, to grab your starter kit today. That's M-U-D-W-T-R.com. Grab your starter kit today. Right now, our listeners get an exclusive deal. We're talking up to 43% off your entire order plus free shipping.
21:19 H. Foley? Let's go.
21:19 Speaker 01 And the rechargeable frother, which is big in my household, when you use the code garbage. That's right, up to 43% off with the code garbage at M-U-D-W-T-R.com. And after you purchase, we're gonna ask you how you found about them. Please support the show and tell them the boys sent you. We love you.
21:32 H. Foley? Yeah. Kim, let's talk about Lucy Breakers.
21:35 Speaker 01 Oh, Lucy, Lucy, Lucy in the sky.
21:38 H. Foley? With breakers. Kim, we're talking about Lucy Breakers, goddammit. We're talking about 100% pure nicotine, no tobacco.
21:47 Speaker 01 Tobacco-free.
21:48 H. Foley? We're talking about Lucy Breakers, have a little capsule in it, give you a little pinch that gives you a little extra flavor and a little extra what?
21:55 Speaker 01 Hydration.
21:56 H. Foley? Dickhead. That's right. Because hydration is important when you're doing your nicotine. Do yourself a favor, get over there. I like the mango myself, I'm telling you that right now. That's what I like, the little mango.
22:05 Speaker 01 Uh, yeah, you can set yourself up with a subscription and have Lucy delivered right to your door.
22:09 H. Foley? Yes, you're not gonna get at a gas station like a dirtball, like you do in the middle of the night.
22:17 Speaker 01 We, uh, although they do have stores near you that you can find your stuff at.
22:20 Speaker 02 Of course.
22:20 Speaker 01 But they do have the, they do have the subscription and they're nice enough to, they lace us every month.
22:24 Speaker 02 Hook us up.
22:24 Speaker 01 With a nice package.
22:25 Speaker 02 Yes.
22:26 Speaker 01 And I gotta tell you, the boys, this is something everybody fights over. Everybody loves the flavor. Oh, the Barry said, what you got, da, da, da, da.
22:32 Speaker 02 Like a FEMA truck pulling up.
22:33 Speaker 01 Yeah.
22:34 Speaker 02 You gotta hit them with the long sticks to get them out of there.
22:35 Speaker 01 If you show up late on Lucy day, you're jammed up.
22:39 Speaker 02 Woo.
22:39 Speaker 01 Uh, it's the only pass that'll give you long lasting flavor whenever you need it. You get 20% off your first order when you buy online and use the code garbage. And if you don't want to wait, just head to lucy.co/stores to find a Lucy near you and grab it today. And here's the fine print gang. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified. This product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.
23:00 Speaker 02 Back to the show.
23:01 Speaker 01 Back to the show.
23:02 Speaker 02 Then I met the coolest guy I've ever met. I'm in San Marcos, Guatemala. It's fucking disgusting. I was in Guatemala. Hippie town. Where all the fucking yoga people are and the tantric dances and shit like that. You were in Guatemala?
23:15 Speaker 01 No.
23:16 Speaker 02 No, you said the grossest guy you ever seen. You said the coolest guy.
23:19 Speaker 01 Oh, sorry. I picked up gross.
23:21 Speaker 02 This black, black dude goes, you looking for coffee?
23:23 Speaker 01 Not you.
23:24 Speaker 02 Come with me. And he starts walking me through these alleys till it's like, you know when you're like too deep into something?
23:30 Speaker 01 No, that's, we, we live different lives where.
23:32 Speaker 02 What are you talking about? Yoga? This guy starts leading me. It's just like hippie town, San Marcos. It's just, it's awful. It's all these people doing tantric dance and yoga. Americans? Yeah, from all over. It's like they've just taken over the town. It's awful. In Mexico. This is in Guatemala. Guatemala.
23:47 Speaker 01 Hey, welcome to the show.
23:49 Speaker 02 And this Somali guy, wearing Somali garb, just says, hey, I have a coffee shop right here. And we're walking.
23:53 Speaker 01 Nope. Nope.
23:56 Speaker 02 Yeah, I thought it was around the corner. Just quit.
23:58 Speaker 01 Hey, Somali guy in Mexico, follow me down this alleyway? Funny.
24:03 Speaker 02 It kept going and going and going. Eventually I'm like, hey, where is it? He goes, it's right here. It's right here. I'm like, I'm getting robbed, but I'm committed to it. So then he pulls me out. He's got a coff- coffee shop. It's called Black Pirate Coffee.
24:13 Speaker 01 Wow.
24:14 Speaker 02 And he was just telling me about it.
24:16 Speaker 01 That guy's real on the nose, huh?
24:18 Speaker 02 It was the coolest dude I've ever met in my life. Somali trained with Witten Marsalis.
24:23 Speaker 01 Who's that?
24:23 Speaker 02 Witten Marsalis is a great jazz musician. I know who you're talking about. This guy was. Yeah.
24:27 H. Foley? And he's robbing people in this town?
24:28 Speaker 02 No, he's not robbing anybody. He said he hates this town. It's full of pseudo, pseudo spiritual narcissists is what he said. What a great term.
24:35 H. Foley? That's a pseudo spiritual narcissist.
24:37 Speaker 02 Sure. And he goes, uh, I'm here. I'm, I've kind of quit jazz because I need to like rethink what I'm doing here, but I'm trying to help these orphans. Uh, get by here. He's just talking to me where I'm from. Everything like that. He's so fucking cool. He had some guy, Young Lee, fucking helping him. He had this little, not a cult, but just like trying to help. Or he's trying to do something positive for the world.
24:58 H. Foley? Where were the orphans?
24:59 Speaker 02 They were nearby, in the town. And he goes, uh, hey, your thing is your coffee's eight bucks, but eight, eight Guatemalans. He goes, don't worry about it. It's fine. And I go, no, no, here's 20. Keep it, keep the rest for the orphans. But I'm high. He got me high. And I'm fucked up.
25:13 H. Foley? You got pirated, dude.
25:15 Speaker 02 Yeah.
25:15 H. Foley? He got you all high and took your money. How did he know you smoked weed?
25:18 Speaker 02 Uh.
25:18 H. Foley? Look at him.
25:20 Speaker 02 I think he was also just like, it's obvious, everyone, what do you mean? Who wouldn't smoke weed? Uh. And so then I started walking away. It's too high, but I go, oh shit. I actually have money from Kevin and this is one of those moments. This dude was so fucking pure and legitimately the coolest man I've ever met in my life. And he goes, I like to only play jazz with people better than me and no one's better than me here. So I just can't do it for a bit. And I was like caught up the courage and I walked back and I gave him a hundred US dollars.
25:47 H. Foley? What?
25:48 Speaker 02 And he lost his mind. He goes, Allah bless you, all the blessings in eternity. He just couldn't stop.
25:55 H. Foley? No shit.
25:55 Speaker 02 I was like, my friend Kevin Ryan said, if I.
25:58 H. Foley? Now I'm on a list somewhere.
25:59 Speaker 02 If I see somebody worthy of it, I should give it to him.
26:01 H. Foley? Fucking donating. Yeah, right?
26:03 Speaker 02 And he goes, this man is a blessed man, this Kevin Ryan.
26:05 H. Foley? No, no, no, no, no.
26:06 Speaker 02 He is a blessed man. Allah looks on him with all.
26:08 H. Foley? No, he doesn't. No, he doesn't.
26:09 Speaker 02 All respect and love for the eternity.
26:11 H. Foley? A goddamn Catholic for grace sake. In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.
26:15 Speaker 02 Could not stop.
26:15 H. Foley? Fucking Easter week, you're putting.
26:17 Speaker 02 Could not stop.
26:18 H. Foley? Putting the Somali hex on me?
26:21 H. Foley? You're gonna be in a skiff boat. Oh dude, that's. Going after them. It's gonna say that Kevin, the SS Kevin Ryan, a picture of my head. Going after the Mers, Louisiana. Fucking daddy war buck. Oh, you got me. You turned me into a fucking, a war monger.
26:33 Speaker 02 Dude, he loved you.
26:34 H. Foley? No.
26:35 Speaker 02 He loved you.
26:36 H. Foley? Oh, you don't mention me, dickhead?
26:37 Speaker 02 You didn't give me the money.
26:39 H. Foley? What do you mean I give you? I have and that's mine. No, I was my, I remember.
26:41 Speaker 02 It was all from his pocket.
26:42 H. Foley? That was my personal money.
26:44 Speaker 02 Beers.
26:44 H. Foley? Well, in spirit.
26:45 Speaker 02 That's spirit, yeah.
26:48 H. Foley? At least I can stay off the no-fly list.
26:50 Speaker 02 Yeah, I was like, I'm taking this money and I'm gonna give it to people and that guy was the ultimate one.
26:53 Speaker 01 That's awesome, I mean.
26:54 H. Foley? Did you ever, you never actually saw the orphans?
26:56 Speaker 02 No.
26:56 H. Foley? Huh, yeah.
26:58 Speaker 02 I mean, this guy.
26:59 H. Foley? Probably won a lot of AK rounds.
27:01 Speaker 01 Kalichka cops.
27:03 Speaker 02 It's gone now. Black Pirate Cafe, I looked it up to, he was like, it shut down.
27:05 Speaker 01 It's gone? Yeah, he got the money, man.
27:07 Speaker 02 Shut down at the end of the year.
27:08 H. Foley? Man, you saved that guy from knifing you.
27:11 Speaker 02 Stormy, if you're out there.
27:12 Speaker 01 Stormy, you know?
27:13 H. Foley? Stormy?
27:14 Speaker 02 Stormy. Yeah, you gotta find Stormy. I looked him up, they're like, all signs point to he shut down his business, he's looking, I don't know.
27:20 Speaker 01 In Guatemala?
27:21 Speaker 02 In, in San Marcos, the Laguna.
27:24 H. Foley? Yeah, that's called On The Run.
27:25 Speaker 02 Yeah, oh, he's on the run for sure.
27:27 Speaker 01 Ah, dude, you got me all jammed up in this shit.
27:29 H. Foley? Anything come up?
27:29 Speaker 01 No.
27:30 Speaker 02 He named it after his black pirate.
27:33 H. Foley? Black pirate?
27:34 Speaker 01 That's a little on the nose, he's a Somali pirate.
27:36 Speaker 02 Who tried to like, and the Somali, he's from Somaliland. It's a free, unincorporated country.
27:42 H. Foley? Where?
27:43 Speaker 02 Off Somalia, where they don't, they're not run by Somalia.
27:45 Speaker 01 You got got, Ari.
27:47 Speaker 02 Sure.
27:47 Speaker 01 I thought you were like a wise traveler. That would've happened to my mother.
27:50 H. Foley? That was some black.
27:51 Speaker 02 You helped orphans!
27:52 Speaker 01 No.
27:52 H. Foley? Yeah, that was some black fruit, black dude from Detroit.
27:54 Speaker 02 So you guys are telling me I shouldn't give charity? That's interesting. That's interesting, because that leads me to today's segment.
28:02 Speaker 01 I don't like whatever's happening.
28:04 H. Foley? Pull out my butthole.
28:06 Speaker 02 We've done a lot of stuff here in this podcast.
28:08 H. Foley? Uh-oh.
28:10 Speaker 02 You guys have called me garbage.
28:11 H. Foley? We just had the place put back together.
28:13 Speaker 02 Which I didn't care for at all.
28:15 Speaker 01 Which I did not like.
28:16 Speaker 02 You guys have called me, uh, we had a redemption, where you called me garbage again. And I didn't like it, but I had to learn to accept it. If you say I'm garbage.
28:24 Speaker 01 You're a crazy person.
28:25 Speaker 02 Then I guess I'm garbage. Nothing to do. And then I, uh...
28:28 H. Foley? Nice sport coat.
28:29 Speaker 01 Ever wear a dead man's jacket?
28:31 H. Foley? I know, I know. Where'd you get that?
28:34 Speaker 02 I came in.
28:35 H. Foley? The last customer at the Black, uh, Black Pirate Coffee Shop.
28:37 Speaker 01 It's like Beetlejuice.
28:39 Speaker 02 And you fooled me. I decided you guys were trash. And you go, yeah, I know, that's what we based our whole lives around.
28:43 Speaker 01 Uh-huh.
28:44 Speaker 02 It fucked me up, because I was trying to hurt you guys.
28:47 Speaker 01 I took it personal, I was trying to hurt you.
28:49 Speaker 02 Yeah, I was trying to hurt you. But I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. And today, we're gonna play another game, boys.
28:55 H. Foley? The worst public defender ever.
28:57 Speaker 02 Today, we're gonna play.
28:58 H. Foley? Murderers!
29:00 Speaker 01 Why carry it? I thought it was a parking ticket.
29:04 H. Foley? Gee, did you do it? I can't get involved in this!
29:09 Speaker 01 What the hell, you killed her?
29:14 H. Foley? If you did it, you gotta tell me, man. Gee, your honor! Hey, Dave, what the hell?
29:19 Speaker 01 Recese, recese.
29:22 Speaker 02 Sure.
29:23 Speaker 01 You look, I mean, we were too, I was too busy looking at you shitting on him and I turned around, he's like, actually, put together.
29:31 Speaker 01 Okay, well, the comments on YouTube just went south.
29:34 Speaker 02 To play the game that everybody talks about. Are you Jewish?
29:41 Speaker 01 Oh, man, this episode will be divisive.
29:44 H. Foley? Holy shit.
29:44 Speaker 02 I'm here with my guests.
29:46 Speaker 01 Holy shit. What the fuck? Ari Shaffir?
29:50 Speaker 02 At Tanta Tooties, uh, basement.
29:53 H. Foley? Bubby Tooties?
29:53 Speaker 01 Bubby.
29:54 Speaker 02 And we're here to find out the age-old question.
29:58 Speaker 02 Are you Jewish?
29:59 H. Foley? Okay.
29:59 Speaker 02 I have some questions for you guys.
30:01 H. Foley? Please.
30:02 Speaker 02 These are just some questions, if I can, uh...
30:04 Speaker 01 Do you need a pen?
30:05 Speaker 02 Uh, yeah, I'd love one, thank you.
30:06 Speaker 01 Can you, can you, can you get, uh, Rabbi, uh, Shaffir a pen? You're almost a rabbi, right?
30:11 Speaker 02 I got, yeah, I was almost a rabbi.
30:13 Speaker 01 Like, how close?
30:15 H. Foley? Something in a ram horn, if you have it, Luke.
30:17 Speaker 02 Are you sure how to do it, first of all? Uh, that's for me.
30:20 Speaker 01 He just stole a pen.
30:21 Speaker 02 Have one.
30:23 Speaker 01 I wouldn't be surprised if the one you pulled out had a chain on it from the bank.
30:26 H. Foley? Yeah, you know that thing where they...
30:27 Speaker 02 Just swinging away?
30:29 H. Foley? You know that thing where they go around and they go, "Hey, do you want me to give you $20? You want me to give it to the next person and double it?" They do it to a scenic guy?
30:36 Speaker 02 I've got kind of those.
30:37 H. Foley? They do it to a scenic guy and he's like...
30:39 Speaker 02 Just give it to me.
30:40 Speaker 01 Side note, there's these guys that go around to jewelers with dog shit spray painted gold and go, "Can you, like, can you evaluate this for me?"
30:48 Speaker 02 Make people touch it?
30:49 Speaker 01 Dude, they cut it and it's the, we go, it looks...
30:51 H. Foley? Fucking dog shit!
30:53 Speaker 01 It's the best thing in the world. It's right up your alley.
30:55 H. Foley? You've missed a lot, Ari.
30:57 Speaker 01 Welcome back to the...
30:58 H. Foley? God, you look like a rabbi.
31:00 Speaker 01 I know, dude. It's so weird because you can be such a derp, you can visibly look like a derp.
31:06 Speaker 02 Questions for both of you.
31:07 H. Foley? Where'd you get that scarf?
31:08 Speaker 02 Have you, it's a talus, and I got it from a, uh, yard sale in the Bay.
31:13 Speaker 01 Where, Tom's River?
31:15 Speaker 02 Have you ever gotten an A in any class you've taken?
31:19 Speaker 01 Like on the report card?
31:20 Speaker 02 Yeah. An A.
31:22 H. Foley? Yeah, my senior year.
31:23 Speaker 02 Okay, hey.
31:25 Speaker 01 I would probably say, yeah.
31:27 Speaker 02 Ooh.
31:27 Speaker 01 I don't know, though.
31:28 Speaker 02 Interesting, because those are very Jewish tricks.
31:32 Speaker 02 Okay. Both of you. What's your, what's the most schooling you guys went to?
31:37 Speaker 01 College degree.
31:38 Speaker 02 Wow. College degree.
31:42 H. Foley? Two years of college.
31:44 Speaker 02 Ooh.
31:45 H. Foley? No degree.
31:46 Speaker 02 And then, okay.
31:47 H. Foley? Yeah, they dropped out.
31:48 Speaker 02 Two years for a.
31:48 Speaker 01 You can be a Jewish woman.
31:50 H. Foley? There you go.
31:51 Speaker 02 Uh, do your moms ever try to get you to eat?
31:56 Speaker 01 They're trying to get into naughty. Yes, yes.
31:59 Speaker 02 Oh, really?
32:00 Speaker 01 Yes.
32:00 Speaker 02 Oh.
32:01 H. Foley? The Catholic mother and the Jewish mother are very, very similar.
32:04 Speaker 01 They're mothers.
32:05 H. Foley? They're all similar.
32:05 Speaker 02 Do they ever tell you how you're doing your life wrong, or you should just change it slightly?
32:08 H. Foley? Oh, God, all the time.
32:09 Speaker 02 Oh, my God.
32:10 Speaker 01 Up until, up until two years ago, yeah.
32:13 Speaker 02 My mom still goes with it.
32:14 H. Foley? Did they like you on Tires? Did they say you did a good job?
32:17 Speaker 02 You should ask him to get you on Saturday Night Live.
32:19 H. Foley? Sure.
32:20 Speaker 02 If he can host, you can too.
32:23 Speaker 02 Have you guys ever used humor as a coping mechanism?
32:28 H. Foley? You're witnessing it right now.
32:32 Speaker 02 These are interesting questions and answers so far.
32:35 Speaker 01 It's a little lopsided. Oh, this feels like the setup. Do we get to cross-examine?
32:39 Speaker 02 Sure, absolutely. If you have, honestly, if you have any questions on these, or, or any explanations, I'd love to hear them.
32:45 Speaker 01 Oh, I got nothing.
32:46 Speaker 02 Next question.
32:47 H. Foley? We know you're Jewish. I've got the whole outfit on.
32:49 Speaker 02 Have you ever taken a bus to avoid all the goyim at the airport?
32:53 Speaker 01 Wait, what?
32:54 H. Foley? What's goyim?
32:55 Speaker 02 Goyim is non-Jews.
32:56 H. Foley? Oh.
32:56 Speaker 02 It's you.
32:57 Speaker 01 Sounds like a fungus. Uh, wait, taking a bus? What do you mean?
33:02 Speaker 02 I don't know, what could it mean?
33:04 H. Foley? Like a Jewish bus?
33:05 Speaker 02 Or just a bus, I don't know, a bus anywhere.
33:06 Speaker 01 Like, to avoid the price?
33:09 Speaker 02 No, just the goyim, just the non-Jews, non-Jews at the airport.
33:12 H. Foley? Do they have Jewish buses at the airport?
33:14 Speaker 02 I don't know, did you ever get around seeing people at airports by getting a bus?
33:18 Speaker 01 I have.
33:19 Speaker 02 When?
33:20 Speaker 01 Uh, I was going to Boston. Instead of flying, I took the bus.
33:23 Speaker 02 Uh-huh.
33:24 H. Foley? Oh, okay.
33:25 Speaker 02 Didn't you guys do a...
33:26 Speaker 01 Oh, a tour bus.
33:28 H. Foley? Wow. We did, we did. But that wasn't to avoid goyim at the airport.
33:32 Speaker 02 Did you avoid the goyim?
33:33 H. Foley? We did avoid the goyim.
33:34 Speaker 02 Okay.
33:35 Speaker 01 We liked the goyim.
33:35 H. Foley? We did bump into some other goyim. Yeah. My mother's a goyim.
33:39 Speaker 01 Wait, is that a Jewish thing?
33:40 Speaker 02 Goyim, goyim is plural. Goyim is single.
33:42 Speaker 01 No, I know, but like, you guys like, I had a kid at the airport, it's just filled with them. Is that how you say it?
33:46 Speaker 02 No.
33:47 H. Foley? What do you think we say?
33:48 Speaker 02 That is how we say it.
33:49 Speaker 01 Well, it's just like they're everywhere?
33:51 Speaker 02 They're everywhere. We, we, we understand, we have to deal with you guys.
33:54 H. Foley? We're everywhere.
33:56 Speaker 02 What? Infested.
33:57 H. Foley? Man.
33:57 Speaker 02 Infested this world with your goy shit.
34:01 H. Foley? What?
34:01 Speaker 02 Your trash goy shit. Trying to revel in garbage.
34:05 Speaker 01 I hope, I hope my cousins and uncles have tuned out for this episode.
34:08 H. Foley? Talk about the dreidel calling a dreidel a dreidel.
34:11 Speaker 02 Okay, here's one.
34:12 H. Foley? Nothing on that?
34:14 Speaker 02 You're right, I wasn't listening, that was great, that was great. Let's do a little spinny thing here, add that in.
34:20 H. Foley? We're everywhere.
34:21 Speaker 02 Have you ever bought better tickets for an event that you already had free tickets, but worse seats?
34:28 Speaker 01 This sounds like something.
34:30 Speaker 02 Damn.
34:30 H. Foley? We've done that recently.
34:31 Speaker 02 That's not good.
34:32 Speaker 01 No, Jewish guys aren't doing that.
34:34 Speaker 02 Jewish guys are not doing that, I was hoping you guys would say no to that.
34:36 Speaker 01 No. Or a big best.
34:38 H. Foley? Why would I get better tickets when I already have free tickets?
34:41 Speaker 01 It's free.
34:42 H. Foley? That I can scalp and not go to the show?
34:44 Speaker 01 And listen on the radio. They broadcast the Mets on AM radio.
34:49 Speaker 02 Why pay when you can just get it?
34:55 Speaker 01 You look like an old Jewish man, dude, this is crazy.
34:58 H. Foley? He is an old Jewish man.
34:59 Speaker 01 But not normally, he's a fucking, he's a drugged out hippie.
35:03 H. Foley? They don't wear it like that.
35:04 Speaker 02 Sometimes. No, they don't, but.
35:07 Speaker 01 If they're skiing, maybe.
35:12 Speaker 01 I love Ari.
35:13 Speaker 02 Can see it better. Yeah, you got me tickets, I invited you to a Yankee game.
35:17 H. Foley? Uh huh.
35:18 Speaker 02 And then you're like, nah, nah, I was like, I got bleacher seats, it's great, and you're just like.
35:22 H. Foley? They were like 1,800 bucks a pair.
35:24 Speaker 02 It was crazy.
35:25 Speaker 01 We're very, yeah, no. We don't like that.
35:27 Speaker 02 For a regular season game. Oh, so that's a big zero.
35:29 H. Foley? We had a good time, didn't we?
35:31 Speaker 02 We had a great time.
35:32 Speaker 01 See?
35:32 Speaker 02 Not very Jewish, though.
35:36 Speaker 01 Oh, no, you guys ate shellfish. What are you talking about?
35:38 Speaker 02 We ate a lot of stuff.
35:39 H. Foley? Yeah, I don't think-
35:40 Speaker 01 We ate a lot of stuff.
35:41 Speaker 02 Remember we were going to 999?
35:43 Speaker 01 I put shrimp in my pockets.
35:44 H. Foley? By the way, was the 999 a thing before we did it?
35:48 Speaker 01 Yeah.
35:48 H. Foley? You sure?
35:49 Speaker 01 Yes.
35:49 Speaker 02 Yeah, I didn't make it up.
35:50 Speaker 01 Yeah, no.
35:51 H. Foley? But they're like doing it now.
35:53 Speaker 02 I'm not-
35:53 H. Foley? They have like the box and they have like the box with all the shit in it.
35:55 Speaker 02 We're the first one to do it in a box.
35:57 H. Foley? No, no, no. I'm saying they have like-
35:58 Speaker 01 You can get like a box of nine beers and nine dogs.
36:01 Speaker 02 Oh.
36:01 H. Foley? They're ripping us off.
36:02 Speaker 02 They're ripping us off.
36:03 H. Foley? And every stadium's doing it.
36:05 Speaker 02 What? A box of just 999?
36:08 H. Foley? No, like, like, like a-
36:09 Speaker 02 Yeah.
36:09 H. Foley? Like a snack box and it says 999.
36:12 Speaker 01 Deals. Jewish.
36:13 Speaker 02 The best was that we were gonna do it, Ren Aziz, he's a big Yankee fan, he was gonna do it, and then we thought, oh, maybe we'll go to the Yankees Phillies game.
36:20 Speaker 01 In New York.
36:21 Speaker 02 In New York. And then Shane was like, hey, actually, if you go to Philadelphia and get you a box, it's all paid for. And Steve was like, well, I can't do that week. And we're like, Steve?
36:27 Speaker 01 Hey.
36:28 Speaker 02 It's all pa- maybe you didn't hear the "it's all paid for."
36:29 Speaker 01 I've only met you a couple of times, Gary. Shout out to Steve.
36:33 H. Foley? Of course.
36:34 Speaker 02 Okay, these are all really good. Have you ever not bought something because it costs too much?
36:39 Speaker 01 That's- I- listen. Yeah, I wanna- I- I want an Escalade.
36:44 Speaker 02 Okay, let's make it- let's- fair. Let's make it something better.
36:47 H. Foley? Not when it comes to food.
36:48 Speaker 02 Okay. How about something like a w- water down here, but they're like, it's $4.
36:51 Speaker 01 No.
36:52 Speaker 02 No, I'm not paying $4 for that. You pay for it anyway.
36:54 Speaker 01 Yes, 100%. I did get- I did get into a back and forth-
36:57 Speaker 02 You don't do- you don't go, dude, fuck that.
37:00 H. Foley? I don't have that. I wish I did. I wish I was like smart like that.
37:03 Speaker 02 Wow.
37:03 Speaker 01 I do- no, I- I think-
37:05 Speaker 02 It's the principle kinda shit?
37:06 Speaker 01 Oh, it was the Upper West- this was nuts. I was buying a Diet Coke, it was on the Upper West Side-
37:09 Speaker 02 Okay.
37:10 Speaker 01 At the park on like Central Park West. Very Jewish neighborhood.
37:13 Speaker 02 Yeah.
37:13 Speaker 01 Oh, wow, I might be Jewish, Jacob's Pickles.
37:15 Speaker 02 Yeah, just gotta get out of there.
37:17 Speaker 01 I do like the matzo ball soup from Jacob's Pickles.
37:20 H. Foley? You ever had a matzo ball soup from Jacob's Pickles? You might be Jewish.
37:24 Speaker 01 It's so good in the way. You wanna slap your old mom?
37:26 Speaker 02 Jacob's Pickles?
37:27 Speaker 01 Slap your rabbi. You know Jacob's Pickles?
37:29 Speaker 02 Oh, I will now.
37:30 Speaker 01 It's, uh, you know, uh, our good friend Sam Rubenoff. Very Jewish.
37:33 Speaker 02 Yeah, oh, yeah.
37:34 Speaker 01 He's- yeah, I can't miss that.
37:36 H. Foley? Hebrewski.
37:36 Speaker 01 Um-
37:37 Speaker 02 Shmoly.
37:38 Speaker 01 It's his favorite, uh, matzo ball soup in the city.
37:40 H. Foley? What?
37:41 Speaker 01 It's very good.
37:41 H. Foley? That's crazy.
37:42 Speaker 01 It's very good.
37:43 H. Foley? No, you go to Barney Green Grass.
37:44 Speaker 01 Get outta here.
37:45 Speaker 02 Today's episode of All Your Garbage is brought to you by Jacob's Pickles. Hey, guys, what time is it? Time for Jacob's Pickles.
37:51 H. Foley? And a little matzo ball soup.
37:52 Speaker 01 Uh, and I, I was like the cart guy, you know what I mean? Like the hot dog cart guy, whatever. And I was just like, hey, let me get a Diet Coke. And I forget the number, but he's like, eight bucks.
38:01 Speaker 02 Too high.
38:02 Speaker 01 And I went, I live here.
38:04 Speaker 02 Yeah.
38:04 Speaker 01 And I think he was like, all right, give me five bucks or something. There was a concession.
38:08 H. Foley? Well, that's okay.
38:08 Speaker 02 Wait, so you talked him down?
38:11 Speaker 01 I, I didn't ask, no, no, no, no.
38:15 H. Foley? Would you take a nice button and trade?
38:18 Speaker 02 Wow, but you, wow.
38:20 H. Foley? Wow, I didn't know that.
38:22 Speaker 02 Not expecting that.
38:23 Speaker 01 I didn't, I didn't ask for it, he... But they, they do that in all different kinds of the world, not just Jewish parts.
38:31 H. Foley? Were you talking to other people?
38:32 Speaker 01 I guess doing it in New York's doing it.
38:34 H. Foley? Hold on, when you were...
38:34 Speaker 01 If I was, if I was at a bazaar, I'm sure.
38:37 H. Foley? Wait, when you, when you did this, Kevin, did you turn to the people like, do you believe this? They're charging eight dollars for a Diet cola? I could get that at Shul for free. Did you do that?
38:49 Speaker 02 Did you do that?
38:49 Speaker 01 Maybe. Fuck.
38:51 H. Foley? Fine, that's better. It's not good, but it's better.
38:54 Speaker 01 I do live next to Yeshiva University.
38:57 Speaker 02 You do? You do live up there? I went to school there for a year.
39:00 Speaker 01 Yeah.
39:00 Speaker 02 That's where I kinda lost my religion.
39:01 Speaker 01 You smoke a lot of weed, we've had this conversation 47 times.
39:03 Speaker 02 Damn, I do smoke a lot of weed.
39:04 Speaker 01 You just put me in an Uber to Yeshiva University, fuck, three nights ago.
39:09 Speaker 01 But there's a kosher section of my, uh, supermarket.
39:13 Speaker 02 Grocery store?
39:13 Speaker 01 Yeah. They do not like me snooping around over there.
39:16 Speaker 02 Hey, what are you, what are you doing? What are you doing?
39:17 H. Foley? That's like the halal. The halal section at the grocery store in Queens, they don't like meat over there either. That's the good meat, though.
39:24 Speaker 02 That's the best meat.
39:25 H. Foley? I know.
39:25 Speaker 01 It's just been blessed, or does it like brine it?
39:27 H. Foley? Nah, it's nice.
39:28 Speaker 02 It's been blessed and kept, kept better. It's no pig asshole.
39:30 H. Foley? And I go over there, they, they know I'm not Muslim and they, they don't like it.
39:33 Speaker 02 Oh, that's the muzzies.
39:35 H. Foley? Give me the ribeye.
39:38 Speaker 01 Border out.
39:41 H. Foley? Yeah.
39:41 Speaker 01 Ah.
39:42 Speaker 02 Um, okay, here's one. Uh, about how much are property taxes? Do you know?
39:48 H. Foley? No.
39:48 Speaker 02 You have no idea?
39:49 H. Foley? No idea.
39:50 Speaker 01 I know what mine are.
39:51 Speaker 02 Okay.
39:52 Speaker 01 That's not fair, I just had to pay them, but I paid them late.
39:54 Speaker 02 Okay.
39:55 Speaker 01 I paid them late.
39:56 Speaker 02 Alright, good explanation. Why'd you pay him late?
39:59 Speaker 01 I'm just bad at bills.
40:01 H. Foley? Next question, do you own any rental property in Crown Heights, Brooklyn?
40:11 H. Foley? Are you currently evicting anyone?
40:13 Speaker 01 Ari looks like one of those guys that runs across the street during the Brooklyn Marathon.
40:17 Speaker 02 She's just like...
40:22 Speaker 02 Those guys are the best. Those guys are the best.
40:25 H. Foley? Hey, stop playing that music. They're high-stepping too.
40:28 Speaker 02 Yeah, those guys are the best. They spike their tallest bag at the end.
40:32 Speaker 01 Oh, man.
40:33 Speaker 02 Those guys are the best playing Frogger on those streets of Brooklyn.
40:37 H. Foley? 25,000 people running a marathon.
40:40 Speaker 02 They gotta go to service. They gotta make a bridge for those people.
40:42 Speaker 01 Is that why you don't go to service? Yeah, it's a Saturday or whatever.
40:44 Speaker 02 Saturday, they're like, I don't know.
40:45 H. Foley? They're not going to basketball practice.
40:47 Speaker 02 Running over people. Those guys are great. Those guys are committed.
40:54 Speaker 02 Oh, here's one. Ever defend a loved one despite the evidence that they're doing terrible things?
40:58 Speaker 01 Yeah.
40:59 H. Foley? Oh, yeah.
40:59 Speaker 01 I got a lot of that going on at the moment.
41:01 Speaker 02 Okay, okay.
41:04 H. Foley? Rabbi Bugman.
41:07 Speaker 02 Everybody now gets the Israel situation. Okay.
41:09 H. Foley? Why Nate?
41:15 Speaker 02 This is great. I'm glad I was finding out a lot about you guys. I'm probably one of those guys you defend. This is what Nate says every time, goes, Nate, you're harder and harder to defend every day. I'll keep doing it, but it's getting difficult.
41:28 Speaker 01 I don't run in the same circles as Nate, so you're easier to defend, but I have to go, no, he's a great guy. He's a great guy.
41:35 Speaker 02 He's actually funny, yeah, alright.
41:36 Speaker 01 There's a handful of you. I have to.
41:39 H. Foley? Kim, let's talk about chime.
41:40 Speaker 01 Chime!
41:41 H. Foley? As you know, baby, life comes at you pretty quick.
41:44 Speaker 01 You ain't lying, big man.
41:44 H. Foley? Things start adding up.
41:45 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
41:46 H. Foley? You know what I'm saying? I wish I could go back and tell my younger self, if you're gonna do a little banking... Make sure you save your money. Make sure you do it right. Watch out for bank fees, all that kinda stuff. I'll tell you what I really wish. I could go back and say, "Hey, I wish I had Chime."
42:00 Speaker 01 I know. Listen, if you're out there, this is where Chime comes in. Chime is changing the way people bank. It's hard, listen, it's hard enough to keep a buck as it is. Then you got these big corporate banks coming after ya.
42:13 H. Foley? Overdraft fees.
42:14 Speaker 01 Overdraft fee, uh, monthly statement, that eh. Oh, oh, five dollars for this, ten dollars for that. They got their hand in your pocket. Not with Chime. Chime offers the most rewarding fee-free banking, all with no overdraft fees, no monthly fees, no minimum balances. You get 5% cash back on the Chime card in a category of your choice, like gas or groceries, all while building credit through regular, everyday spending. And if you're ever in a pinch, SpotMe lets you overdraft up to $200 fee-free. Look at that, I know I need that, dog. Uh, right now, you can join the millions that are already banking fee-free with America's number one choice for banking. Head to chime.com/garbage, that's chime.com/garbage. Sign up now, it only takes a few minutes.
42:55 H. Foley? Do it.
42:56 Speaker 03 Chime is a fintech, not a bank. Banking services and Chime Card provided by Chime's bank partners. Qualifying direct deposits required. Terms and limits apply. Go to chime.com/disclosures for details.
43:08 Speaker 04 LinkedIn is pretty amazing at helping you grow your small business. We cannot make your email response time faster. We can help you sell, market, and hire in one place. We cannot help you find space for your three desk drinks. Why do you have three? And while we can't help you find the perfect volume for your presentation video, LinkedIn can help you find the perfect audience for your business. Grow your small business on LinkedIn. Learn more at linkedin.com/smallbusiness.
43:38 Speaker 02 Um, do you guys think that your nose is not too big?
43:45 H. Foley? Do I think that my nose is not too big? Yeah, I don't think my nose is too big.
43:48 Speaker 01 I don't think my nose is too big.
43:50 Speaker 02 Yeah, me neither.
43:52 Speaker 02 Check, check.
43:55 Speaker 01 Uh, one point for our.
44:04 Speaker 02 Wow, so these are no longer available for sale.
44:05 Speaker 01 Uh, I'd like to. Do we need, I can get them up if they need, do you want them up? There's like a hundred of them.
44:11 Speaker 02 No, it leads to my next question is, do you think you have a good business sense?
44:15 H. Foley? Yes, Kevin does, for sure. I do not.
44:17 Speaker 02 Wow.
44:18 H. Foley? Yeah.
44:18 Speaker 01 No, I will push back on that.
44:21 Speaker 02 You have made this into an empire.
44:23 Speaker 01 Wait, you think I do?
44:24 Speaker 02 Sign up for the Patreon now, everybody. Patreon.com/areyougarbage. For just $5 a month, you get all the content in the world.
44:31 Speaker 01 Easy, easy does it with the plugin. $10 a month, you get all the.
44:35 Speaker 02 $10 a month, you get all the old stuff.
44:37 Speaker 01 And all, and two episodes a week.
44:39 Speaker 02 That's too much.
44:40 Speaker 01 Of that smash, of that smash grab hit, Hard Feelings. Take that, the end.
44:44 Speaker 02 I've been.
44:46 H. Foley? Wait, hold on again. Did you think I have good business sense?
44:50 H. Foley? You're crazy.
44:51 Speaker 02 I think you have the worst business sense of the two.
44:53 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah, well, it's not binary. It's not either yes.
44:56 H. Foley? I hate people are saying that now.
44:57 Speaker 02 What?
44:58 H. Foley? It's not binary.
44:59 Speaker 01 I've said it.
45:00 H. Foley? Everybody's saying that now.
45:01 Speaker 02 Too many syllables, that's three.
45:02 Speaker 01 Listen, you talk to three people a month.
45:03 H. Foley? I know, but everybody's using, well, it's not binary. There's another phrase that everyone keeps going around.
45:08 Speaker 02 It's not black or white?
45:09 Speaker 01 Sober.
45:10 H. Foley? No, there's something, I can't think of one.
45:13 Speaker 01 12 steps.
45:14 Speaker 02 Coded?
45:14 H. Foley? Everybody's using it.
45:15 Speaker 01 Codependent.
45:16 Speaker 02 Right-coded?
45:16 H. Foley? No, no, no. Frame mog. But go ahead.
45:19 Speaker 01 Frame moggin.
45:21 Speaker 02 But you, you.
45:21 Speaker 01 Frame maxin'.
45:22 Speaker 02 Who's the better business sense?
45:23 Speaker 01 What? Are you nuts? I, but he knows, he has a very good.
45:28 Speaker 02 You think you have a good business sense?
45:29 Speaker 01 No, I mean, not like, not like nuts and bolts of it, but like, he gets the bigger, he gets the bigger picture stuff, for sure. More than he leads, if he thinks about, he just doesn't think, he doesn't apply himself. Now I sound like, now I sound like a Jewish lady. Fuck! I sound like a Jewish mother.
45:44 H. Foley? That's why you can't find a nice girl.
45:49 H. Foley? What are you talking about, really?
45:50 Speaker 01 Talking to my friend Ari.
45:51 H. Foley? Huh.
45:52 Speaker 02 Guys, just $10 a month right now. Patreon.com slash Are You Garbage? All the old stuff, great hits. I've been on multiple episodes on Patreon.
46:00 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
46:00 Speaker 02 Check it, at least one episode on Patreon.
46:02 Speaker 01 Oh, maybe one, you walked in, yeah.
46:03 Speaker 02 Yeah, that I crap, that I, yeah, I couch-surfed their podcast.
46:06 H. Foley? Ari looks like they didn't pay the heat pill to send it out.
46:09 Speaker 01 What's the point? Just bundle up.
46:15 Speaker 02 I haven't worn one of these in a long time.
46:17 Speaker 01 Did you, did you own that?
46:18 Speaker 02 I got this at a yard sale in the Bay.
46:20 Speaker 01 Really? Like, for this?
46:22 Speaker 02 Yeah.
46:22 Speaker 01 You don't, uh, really?
46:23 Speaker 02 100%.
46:24 Speaker 01 You still don't, you don't have like a break-in case Jewish kit, you know what I mean?
46:29 Speaker 01 Like a, like a, like, oh, you know what I mean? Like a yarmulke, a dreidel?
46:32 Speaker 02 First of all, it's not break, it's carefully unwrapped so you can reuse the wrapping.
46:35 Speaker 01 So you can return.
46:35 Speaker 02 Yeah.
46:36 H. Foley? So you start going Bibby's way, you know what I'm saying? Ari's gotta get on the team quick. Hello?
46:42 Speaker 02 I do, everything's in storage, everything's in storage, although it's in heaven. So, but I was like, I gotta, I gotta, I gotta get these guys where they don't want to get caught. And so I had to pay, I had to pay at a thrift store price. Please get the end right now, I'm desperately in need of money. So I can buy full-priced Taluses.
46:57 H. Foley? How much does one of them go for, retail?
47:00 Speaker 02 Retail, I don't know, this one cost $5, along with the yarmulke.
47:02 Speaker 01 Did you buy it from a Jewish guy?
47:04 Speaker 02 No, it was a giant yard sale called the White Elephant Sale in the Bay.
47:07 H. Foley? So that was definitely some dead Jewish person.
47:09 Speaker 02 Oh, this person's dead.
47:10 Speaker 01 That was like wrapped around the body.
47:12 Speaker 02 Yeah, maybe.
47:13 H. Foley? Then the grave robbers got him.
47:15 Speaker 02 I brought it right to that yard sale, I made a clean three. Turned it over for five.
47:19 Speaker 01 Now, when was the last time you wore something like this? Not for a bit? Like, are you going, if you go to something with like your family?
47:25 Speaker 02 I'm going to a wedding in a, in a few weeks, nephew's wedding, and, uh, no, I will not. I'll wear the yarmulke, but not, not a big fat one like these fucking conservatives. No.
47:34 H. Foley? Is that what that is?
47:34 Speaker 02 Yeah, these are loser Jews, wear this. You see a Jew wearing this, you just go like, nice try, bitch.
47:40 Speaker 01 It's all the same.
47:41 Speaker 02 Yeah.
47:41 H. Foley? Yeah, they're all the same size?
47:42 Speaker 02 No, you want a small knit one with some, with some like a...
47:45 Speaker 01 With a pin or something.
47:46 Speaker 02 With the, well, the pins for sure, I can't use them anymore.
47:48 H. Foley? Like a New York Knicks one, let them know you're fun?
47:49 Speaker 02 Absolutely, you want to rep your team.
47:52 Speaker 01 Uh-huh.
47:52 Speaker 02 You, your girlfriend can make you one, if you have a girlfriend, put your name in there, they're pretty, that? That's the kind of Jew I was. And then you have the other with the hat, with the thing coming out the back, yeah, this is pretty big. Yeah, this is for conservatives, this is for combos, consoves, or, uh...
48:07 Speaker 01 And you're, you're, you would be what, more liberal?
48:09 Speaker 02 Uh, no, I was orthodox.
48:11 Speaker 01 You were, yeah, oh, you were like, old school, old school.
48:13 Speaker 02 Old school, yeah.
48:15 H. Foley? Hey, isn't orthodox conservative?
48:17 Speaker 02 No, conservative is like, lower. Orthodox is high. Guys, watch my special, you'll find all this out. It's on YouTube right now. Uh, here's a good question for you guys. Have either of you ever not charged your phone after you knew it was dead? And then had a friend pay for an Uber for you? Even though that friend expressed surprise at how much that Uber costs? And there was a charger across the room, and yet you still did not charge it?
48:39 H. Foley? How then, Mo耶?
48:41 Speaker 02 Have any of you ever done that?
48:46 H. Foley? I get the feeling that the, uh, the interviewer has. Or that's coming the second that we get done this podcast.
48:52 Speaker 01 Feels, feels a little personal.
48:53 Speaker 02 Oh, I don't know.
48:54 Speaker 01 Uh, I, can I, can I defend myself?
48:56 Speaker 02 Absolutely, you know the game. Are you Jewish? Always lets people defend themselves. This is not a, this is not a, this is not a tribunal.
49:05 Speaker 01 I think there's a couple of schools that'll say it's, it's, it's a contract. Um, my phone died. It did die. You have me dead to rights on the phone died. I, I will say it died because we were in-
49:17 H. Foley? Oh, you did this?
49:17 Speaker 01 Yeah. Obviously.
49:23 Speaker 01 We were having, we were in such a flow state of conversation. The beers were coming two at a time.
49:27 Speaker 02 Yeah.
49:28 Speaker 01 Do Jews do that? Jews don't do that. Your mind was blown.
49:30 Speaker 02 My mind was blown.
49:31 Speaker 01 Then me and the other goy said, I go, I'll do two Budweisers. Our friend Colin said, I'll do two Miller Lights, or two Bud Lights. And you said, I'll do one of each.
49:38 Speaker 02 One of each.
49:38 Speaker 01 A little mix match.
49:39 Speaker 02 Yeah, I couldn't decide. One of each was great. Cheers them both like that.
49:42 Speaker 01 Yeah, and he was cross cheersing. This guy's locked in.
49:44 Speaker 02 It's such a good move to get two at once, because then you only have to tip for one break.
49:48 Speaker 01 Oh, no, no, don't put that on me.
49:50 Speaker 02 You only have to tip for one break.
49:52 Speaker 01 Yes, I took care of that girl.
49:53 H. Foley? Because I asked you when I was leaving, make sure you take care of her.
49:55 Speaker 01 She got a hundred percent-
49:57 Speaker 02 No, she came three trips, two beers, two beers, two beers.
50:00 H. Foley? Okay.
50:00 Speaker 02 She got tips for three different trips. She didn't get tip, tip for six. I looked, she complained.
50:08 H. Foley? All right, took $20.
50:09 Speaker 02 Anyway, so we were having a blast.
50:10 Speaker 01 We're having a blast, we're, it's like, the beers are literally coming two at a time.
50:14 H. Foley? You're out drinking.
50:14 Speaker 01 We're drinking. But it was, it's, we're at the, we're at the front table of this, oh, what the hell? Hey, talk about, talk about a new cool rabbi.
50:24 H. Foley? Hey, kids, look who's coming around.
50:26 Speaker 02 If I beat you in a one-on-one, you gotta go to services on Saturday.
50:29 Speaker 01 What's up with this frame maxing, huh? Frame bugging. Um-
50:34 Speaker 01 God.
50:38 H. Foley? Ari Sefer, Jewish time traveler.
50:43 H. Foley? From the year 2027, he comes back.
50:45 Speaker 01 He goes back to when things were on sale.
50:48 Speaker 02 Investing Bitcoin.
50:48 Speaker 01 Nothing on that. You missed a sale, go back till tomorrow.
50:52 H. Foley? He always goes back to the day after Thanksgiving.
50:56 H. Foley? No matter what year he goes.
50:58 Speaker 02 The day after Thanksgiving, yeah. Do you want candy?
51:02 H. Foley? Shows up on Labor Day.
51:02 Speaker 02 If it's on candy, it's November 2nd.
51:11 Speaker 01 He's stinky.
51:12 H. Foley? You look like a robot Jewish guy.
51:17 Speaker 01 That's crazy.
51:18 Speaker 02 I have come to not respect women.
51:21 Speaker 01 You look nuts.
51:24 H. Foley? Talk about getting thrown out of an airport. Holy shit.
51:28 Speaker 02 Do you want it to rain tomorrow? Keep bringing it.
51:37 Speaker 01 Sir saves a lot over here.
51:43 Speaker 01 The rapid rabbi.
51:48 Speaker 01 I'm sweating, dude.
51:50 H. Foley? Hey kids, Shabbat is coming. Turn off the lights and don't be bumming.
51:57 H. Foley? They got a set of lights on.
51:58 Speaker 02 That's so funny. That is. That's a great rap. That's a great rap, like how it's too.
52:08 Speaker 01 Guys, I get grownups can seem weird.
52:13 Speaker 01 But not me, I'm your friend.
52:15 Speaker 02 Your friend, just a cool guy, man. I'm your havruta.
52:20 H. Foley? Do you kids wear Dead Guy's clothes?
52:24 Speaker 01 Let's see the scarf, five bucks.
52:26 Speaker 02 Springtime's here.
52:29 Speaker 02 How do you guys do with allergies? You have allergies?
52:31 Speaker 01 So bad. Hold on, let me, let me defend myself.
52:33 Speaker 02 Okay, allergies? Okay, defend yourself.
52:40 H. Foley? The pollen.
52:41 Speaker 01 On the, on the, on the, on the Uber.
52:44 Speaker 02 All right, right, right, right. Let's go back. We'll come back to allergies in a second.
52:48 Speaker 02 Yeah, on the Uber, yeah?
52:49 Speaker 01 My phone died, we were having such a good time.
52:51 Speaker 02 It's a great time.
52:52 Speaker 01 Front of the cellar, door, front of the cellar's open too, so you're right out on McDougal.
52:56 Speaker 02 You can see outside.
52:57 Speaker 01 The beers are coming, you pee, everything's happening, it was a good time.
53:02 Speaker 01 My phone dies. I go, oh shit, my phone died. And he goes, I go, I gotta get a charger. I said, I'll take a yellow cab. You said, I'll get you an Uber.
53:08 Speaker 02 Yeah, you want me to get you an Uber? I'll call you an Uber.
53:10 Speaker 01 I said, okay. He then goes, it's eighty dollars.
53:14 Speaker 02 It's a hundred dollars.
53:15 Speaker 01 But you said eighty. He got me an Uber large.
53:21 Speaker 02 Yeah, XL.
53:21 Speaker 01 XL.
53:22 Speaker 02 XL. I'm not getting you a black. I'm not getting you a black. No, I mean, that's ridiculous.
53:29 Speaker 01 Why?
53:32 Speaker 02 It's the biggest rip.
53:32 H. Foley? Wow, cool rabbi. You're not so cool now.
53:34 Speaker 02 Biggest rip in ride sharing.
53:38 Speaker 01 So, but then, no, also, hold on. I said, before all this, I said, I owe you a hundred dollars.
53:45 H. Foley? You do?
53:45 Speaker 01 Because he did a spot on the show.
53:47 H. Foley? No, no, no, no, no. That's a guest spot.
53:49 Speaker 02 Yeah.
53:50 Speaker 01 Now he's Jewish.
53:53 Speaker 01 He's turned us against each other.
53:56 H. Foley? Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
53:59 Speaker 01 I said, I said, I owe you a hundred dollars for doing the show. That's fair.
54:04 H. Foley? No, it's not. That was a guest spot and he showed up on his own.
54:07 Speaker 01 See, he's good at business.
54:08 H. Foley? If anything, if anything, he should be paying us.
54:11 Speaker 01 For the exposure.
54:13 Speaker 02 I did get exposure that day.
54:14 Speaker 01 There was a hundred people there.
54:15 Speaker 02 Wanted to take pictures with me. I grew my brand.
54:18 Speaker 01 Yes, there you go. And then, you can't buy a price.
54:22 H. Foley? But we did. It's three hundred dollars. And we'll need it now.
54:25 Speaker 02 Yeah, so I did call you an Uber.
54:27 Speaker 01 But I said, I owe you a hundred dollars. And he said, consider it even. So there was goods and services transacted. So then, that's not, I didn't take money from you.
54:36 H. Foley? Wait, why consider it even?
54:37 Speaker 02 I would love for you to...
54:38 Speaker 01 Because I owe him a hundred dollars.
54:39 H. Foley? But then...
54:40 Speaker 01 And he goes, the Uber's eighty-eight dollars.
54:42 H. Foley? But then, he's down a hundred and eighty.
54:44 Speaker 02 No, because he owed me a hundred and then I paid another hundred. Yes.
54:48 H. Foley? Wait, why?
54:49 Speaker 01 Wait.
54:50 Speaker 02 No, no, no, no. He was gonna give me the hundred for the thing.
54:53 H. Foley? Yeah, you got screwed, dummy.
54:54 Speaker 02 So then I'm out one eighty-eight.
54:57 Speaker 01 See, he's good at business.
54:57 H. Foley? That's not considered even.
54:59 Speaker 02 Wow.
54:59 H. Foley? He's giving you for a hundred and eighty dollars.
55:02 Speaker 02 I'll take the hundred dollars you were gonna give me and I'll apply it to your Uber.
55:05 H. Foley? If he would have given you the hundred, which he never did.
55:08 Speaker 02 She never did, so I'm down one eighty-eight.
55:10 H. Foley? Yeah.
55:10 Speaker 02 One eighty-eight, forty-seven, to be honest.
55:12 H. Foley? Ladies and gentlemen, Kevin Ryan is Jewish.
55:14 Speaker 02 So, I would love for you to be able to see, when this comes out, you're arguing about money. It was hilarious. If you could put in the post, some of these on him while he's doing that, it would be great.
55:28 Speaker 01 The pay us.
55:29 Speaker 02 The pay us, yeah.
55:29 H. Foley? Wow, you know.
55:30 Speaker 01 Oh, fuck. I grew up with a lot of Jewish kids. Shout out to Ray Finkelstein.
55:36 Speaker 02 Ray Finkelstein? Ray Finkelstein, you know Ray Finkelstein?
55:40 Speaker 02 The first Jew? Ray Finkelstein?
55:47 H. Foley? You don't get corned beef like that anymore.
55:49 Speaker 01 Not at Jacob's Pickles, I'll tell you that much. He's old school Jewish. Not in none of this new age Jacob's Pickles.
55:56 H. Foley? Yeah, call that a matzo ball soup, huh?
56:01 Speaker 01 That's my favorite episode in a hundred years.
56:03 Speaker 02 Well, guys, you've given me a lot to think about. Um, you told me about Jacob's Pickles. That was, that was crazy. H, two years of college and drop out.
56:12 H. Foley? Uh huh.
56:13 Speaker 02 Not very Jewish. College degree here. Both got As though. Your mom tries to get both of you guys to eat and I would say succeeds.
56:24 Speaker 02 Both use humor as a coping mechanism. However, some people, both of you, not exactly. You don't know what property taxes are.
56:31 H. Foley? I know what they are. I just don't pay them.
56:33 Speaker 01 I know what they are and I don't pay them.
56:33 Speaker 02 They're readily available. You know them.
56:36 Speaker 01 I know ballpark.
56:37 Speaker 02 Yeah, ballpark.
56:38 Speaker 01 But they are two different types. I don't know enough. Not, not, I wouldn't be a, you would know what they are and they would be paid.
56:45 Speaker 02 H, you paid for eighteen hundred bucks for tickets to a game we already had. I'm still mad about it. We already had tickets and you're like, no, let's get better seats. It's, it's so antithetical to how I grew up. It's crazy. I appreciate it though.
57:01 H. Foley? I noticed that when you were crying behind home plate.
57:03 Speaker 02 Oh, it was love. Oh my God. We were right behind the SNL guys. It was nutty.
57:07 H. Foley? There was no SNL guys.
57:09 Speaker 02 Both of, yeah, the writers were up there. Oh, that was with De Stefano. He got me those tickets too. But he didn't pay for them. You pay for them. It's crazy. It's crazy. Every time I look at the Yankee games, like, who are those rich people behind home plate? It's him!
57:22 H. Foley? Me, baby.
57:23 Speaker 02 Yeah. It's not all rich people. Some people have friends.
57:26 Speaker 01 Who are bad with money.
57:27 H. Foley? Very bad.
57:28 Speaker 02 Allergies are kicking both ya?
57:30 H. Foley? No, I didn't say that.
57:31 Speaker 02 You did not?
57:32 H. Foley? No.
57:33 Speaker 02 Wow.
57:33 Speaker 01 Mine are bad.
57:34 H. Foley? I take a Claritin every day. That's why my allergies don't bother me. And I use local honey.
57:39 Speaker 01 But they, I mean, so, so, but you do have allergies.
57:42 H. Foley? No, I don't get allergies.
57:43 Speaker 02 You get it on top of them.
57:44 H. Foley? I don't get, I don't get allergies.
57:46 Speaker 02 H did say not to pay me for the guest spot.
57:50 H. Foley? And I stand by that.
57:52 Speaker 01 Not only did he not pay, he wanted exposure.
57:55 Speaker 02 And then you have said, "I'm gonna talk you..." Oh, that was a tough one. H just pays for stuff. Kevin says, "Eight bucks is too much for a Coke."
58:03 H. Foley? Yeah.
58:03 Speaker 02 Would you accept five?
58:04 Speaker 01 No, no, no, no, no.
58:06 H. Foley? I live here!
58:07 Speaker 01 You're controlling the narrative again.
58:08 H. Foley? I'm a local, you trying to rob me?
58:11 Speaker 01 Propaganda.
58:11 Speaker 02 Okay, why don't you try to control the narrative for a bit and see how it... See, try that on.
58:15 Speaker 01 I just said, I go, "Well, fuck, eight dollars, I live here."
58:18 H. Foley? Unslump the shoulders, will you?
58:19 Speaker 01 Eight dollars, we're never gonna find seven dollars. Seven dollars, what are you, nuts for a Coke? Five dollars for a Coke, what are you, crazy?
58:25 Speaker 02 Wow, well, way to control the... way to control the media on that one.
58:29 Speaker 01 That's the whole thing's getting cut.
58:30 Speaker 02 Guys, I've made my ruling.
58:34 Speaker 02 H Foley? This pains me. You are... You are not a Jew.
58:43 Speaker 01 Talking about dodging a bullet.
58:45 Speaker 02 Too many, too many strikes there. Paying that much for tickets to a reg... we could've snuck down that far. That's crazy. Never talking anybody down at a high price. All nuts.
58:54 H. Foley? What, am I gonna talk the Yankees down?
58:55 Speaker 02 Yeah.
58:57 Speaker 01 Hey, Steinbrenner.
58:58 Speaker 02 Not a good business sense.
59:01 Speaker 02 Kevin Ryan? You are a Jew.
59:04 H. Foley? Havana, Greta, Havana.
59:07 Speaker 02 I've got you this.
59:08 Speaker 01 Oh, no! Kevin, it's holy week!
59:11 Speaker 02 An honorary Jew, Kevin.
59:14 Speaker 01 It's holy week!
59:15 Speaker 02 Are you garbage?
59:17 Speaker 01 For the love of God! This will be going in my family group chat. This'll be bad.
59:22 Speaker 02 Try it on, buddy.
59:22 H. Foley? Next thing you know, you'll be eating Chinese food.
59:24 Speaker 02 Try it on, buddy. Let's see how it feels. Let's see how it feels. Oh, you gotta put that on there. It's got no missism.
59:30 Speaker 01 I feel my head itching already.
59:34 Speaker 02 Wow! Welcome to the tribe.
59:37 Speaker 01 Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
59:38 Speaker 02 You look good with that. Put that back on. You look great.
59:43 Speaker 01 Oh, holy shit.
59:45 H. Foley? Wow. Once again, are you garbage bringing people together?
59:48 Speaker 01 Yes, yes.
59:49 H. Foley? The wrong races and breeds.
59:50 Speaker 01 I do have to say, as many times as Mr. Shaffir has come in here to try to vindicate himself and lost miserably every time, I do gotta say, he, he, he...
1:00:01 H. Foley? Hasn't imposed his Judaism on us.
1:00:03 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:00:03 H. Foley? Is that what you were gonna say?
1:00:04 Speaker 01 Well, maybe all these times, he's turned me Jewish.
1:00:07 Speaker 02 Yeah, maybe. You got a good business. Yeah, you had a good business before we knew each other.
1:00:10 H. Foley? That's how they do it.
1:00:12 Speaker 02 You weren't talking people down before you knew me.
1:00:16 Speaker 01 Man, he's good.
1:00:17 Speaker 02 Guys, that's another exciting episode of Are You Jewish?
1:00:20 H. Foley? You know, next episode, we gotta have Mayor Mondani on to balance this all out. Stay neutral. We got a neutral podcast here. Ari, we love you, buddy.
1:00:29 Speaker 01 Love you, pal. So happy to have you back.
1:00:30 Speaker 02 I love you guys too.
1:00:31 H. Foley? We're glad you're back safe.
1:00:32 Speaker 02 You're my favorite people in the city.
1:00:33 H. Foley? The end is on pre-sale right now at AriShafir.com.
1:00:36 Speaker 02 Get the $5 discount. It's seven episodes for the price of just four. That helped me make fucking crazy shit. Support my little dreams here. I don't have anybody paying for it.
1:00:46 H. Foley? We love it. You be tripping every week?
1:00:48 Speaker 02 Just the price of two, two and a half months on Are You Garbage Patreon. It can help me make something legitimately crazy that the networks took away from me and I fought to get it back, so.
1:00:58 Speaker 01 Yes, and all jokes aside, is you, you've laid the groundwork for what we also create here. We always, we always quote you when we're creating stuff and we put a lot of stupid money into stupid stuff and we do it all based on what you have. $4 yarmulke? No, but honestly, and it's like for you to, you know, cash all your money in and take a loan out to make the end, I respect it.
1:01:21 H. Foley? Absolutely. We love you very much, Ari.
1:01:23 Speaker 02 Get it at AriShafir.com right now. It's so funny that you're so afraid of putting that on.
1:01:28 Speaker 01 Nah, I was joking. I have a, my son's Jewish.
1:01:31 Speaker 02 What?
1:01:32 H. Foley? Oh yeah, that's right.
1:01:32 Speaker 01 My wife's Jewish.
1:01:36 Speaker 02 Have you ever married a Jewish lady?
1:01:39 H. Foley? Gang, we love you. We'll see you next week.
Previous Timmy No Brakes! Next Mall Walkers! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley Page updated October 30, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated