Rob Beckett Crashes The Studio, Romesh’s Rap and The Worst Best Man Speech Ever

It’s an email special of Wolf & Owl, and the boys have some serious best man drama to untangle. Tom and Romesh put their celebrity cameo skills to the test, with one of them accidentally dropping a line that sounds suspiciously like a restraining order. Then there’s the worst best man speech ever witnessed, an unexpected visitor and a Titanic theory that falls apart in real time. Plus, the boys announce a very limited-time offer for the festive season. Wolf & Owl cameos are officially open for business. Send your questions and queries to [email protected] Ranga Bee Production. Chapters: 00:00 Intro01:37 Is Cameo cringe?06:10 Tom’s cameo for Andy08:41 Romesh’s cameo for Neil 16:25 The worst best man speech ever18:57 Someone’s at the door...19:59 Rob Beckett reads an email23:01 Which movie character would you replace?27:36 Wolf & Owl cameos are now open28:39 Outro Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:03Speaker 00

  Hi guys, welcome to the Wolf and Al email special. While I do this intro, Romesh is having a look at John the Magpie's OnlyFans site. It's sexy, but it's also full of hot recommendations of places to eat, drink and have sex.

• 0:22Tom Davis?

  And most of those locations are in and around his body. Um, we are gonna do some dilemmas, questions, et cetera. Uh, shall we get started? Shall we get straight into it?

• 0:33Speaker 00

  Yes, yes.

• 0:34Tom Davis?

  Hi Wolf and Al, couple of legends, love you. My email before the rubbish email was just hoping for a mention, to be honest. I do now have a genuine dilemma that I think you can help with.

• 0:42Speaker 00

  We're here.

• 0:43Tom Davis?

  I've asked to be a best man at my friend's wedding. He lives in California.

• 0:46Speaker 00

  Whoa.

• 0:47Tom Davis?

  Califor-NIA. And the guest will be 95% American with an American sense of humour. He is very English. I'm aware that a normal UK best man speech will be different to what they used to in the US. The purpose of the best man's speech in the UK is to ruin the groom. I'll have no idea what's going on, so I'm gonna set the scene. I'm trying to tailor my speech for the guests, whether I'm doing the speech for the co-best man who doesn't seem to understand the audience. He's also nervous about speaking to a crowd, but insists he's going to speak. As far as I'm concerned, the speech is done and I've nailed it. However, my co-best man keeps suggesting other stuff and I don't know how to tell him it's rubbish. He's even paying for a cameo with the Inbetweeners cast to be played at the wedding. I can't help but say that's great, mate, but I have no idea how it fits him with a speech. Please help me, the bewildered badger.

• 1:26Speaker 00

  I think this is a simple one. You do your speech, absolutely own it, and then see how he gets on.

• 1:33Tom Davis?

  It's a bit out of order, that, isn't it?

• 1:36Speaker 00

  No, but if he's that, I think if he's that confident, can I say, by the way?

• 1:40Tom Davis?

  We don't know that he's that confident.

• 1:42Speaker 00

  Have you done cameo?

• 1:44Tom Davis?

  Yeah, I did it for charity for like a couple of weeks.

• 1:47Speaker 00

  Okay, how did you find it?

• 1:48Tom Davis?

  Difficult.

• 1:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, do I, would you, like?

• 1:50Tom Davis?

  So they, you get a request?

• 1:51Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:52Tom Davis?

  Have you ever done it? No.

• 1:54Speaker 00

  I sort of ethically, I get it.

• 1:55Tom Davis?

  Yeah, I was doing it for Teenage Cancer Trust.

• 1:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, no, no, no, that's fine, that's fine.

• 2:00Tom Davis?

  So I, um, so what they do is they send a little, they send a request and it'll be like, could you say happy birthday to da, da, da, da? And they'll give you some details, maybe. It depends. I mean, some of the requests are really vague and some of them are really detailed. And then you just do it accordingly and then submit it.

• 2:16Speaker 00

  Which I think for a charity, that's cool.

• 2:17Tom Davis?

  Really cool.

• 2:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, no, but I also think like...

• 2:21Tom Davis?

  Look, let's get it, let's get it out in the open. You think cameo's a joke?

• 2:26Speaker 00

  No.

• 2:27Tom Davis?

  You think that celebrities that do it are thirsty little fucks?

• 2:29Speaker 00

  No, I think so, I, I actually just, I think it's, I think it's fine if...

• 2:33Tom Davis?

  You think James Buckley's a fucko, don't you?

• 2:35Speaker 00

  I love James Buckley. Come on, you absolute snake.

• 2:38Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 2:39Speaker 00

  Buckley's a legend. He's a good guy.

• 2:41Tom Davis?

  Yeah, he's a good guy. Okay, anyway, go on. What's your point with cameo?

• 2:44Speaker 00

  My point, no, my point is, I think, it's just, I guess it's, I, I, I've done those videos for free and then, does that make me a suck? Like, people message me on, will message me on Instagram and say, oh...

• 2:55Tom Davis?

  Does that make you a sucker, are you asking? No, it makes you a nice person.

• 2:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, but then, I get, cameo message, one thing I find problematic with cameo, I think, is they, there's a guy from cameo who constantly messages.

• 3:06Tom Davis?

  Yeah, I had that, I had that.

• 3:08Speaker 00

  Asking me, can you be a part of this? Can you do this? And I'm like, I just, I, I just don't, I feel a bit weird about it. But then I look at, I've got friends who've done it and, and seem fine. My point being, it, it, does it, is it just very transactional on the basis that you just go, hi Neil, happy birthday mate, have a good day. Uh, I hear that you like Tottenham Hotspur's tough season, but I think it'll come all right. Happy birthday, right?

• 3:33Tom Davis?

  What's up to you, how you doing?

• 3:34Speaker 00

  Okay.

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• 4:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, but I just think, I don't...

• 4:30Tom Davis?

  You could put some gusto into it if you wanted to. My biggest...

• 4:33Speaker 00

  Yours, by the way, you're lucky.

• 4:34Tom Davis?

  Why?

• 4:35Speaker 00

  Well, because your fucking go-to is you can go, alright, you dickhead, sort of thing, happy birthday. No, but you've got that spiel where you can be a bit neggy and it's quite funny. How are your, I'd love to see them, by the way.

• 4:45Tom Davis?

  I've got them in the, I think I just uploaded it straight to the thing and then deleted it. But, um, my biggest issue, I've done the video thing a couple of times.

• 4:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 4:57Tom Davis?

  Or, or I've had, one of the things that, um, one of the things that has started to happen more is, one, people have asked me, I was on the train the other day.

• 5:07Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 5:08Tom Davis?

  And two people asked me to do videos for people they know. I was just sat on the train and I sort of felt too awkward to say no, but I was kind of like, this is...

• 5:15Speaker 00

  But that's when you go, go on my cameo.

• 5:17Tom Davis?

  Yeah, well, I don't, I didn't have cameo to suggest that. But the other, and even then, I don't think I would suggest that, I would just do it. But the other thing is, is I've done videos for people and they've promised me they wouldn't go online and then they just stick them on their socials.

• 5:33Speaker 00

  Yeah, no, I've had that. Could I, but I, this is my point, I guess, is that I'd feel like you've got to give them something, like if I'd go, oh, we'll call, what? Even that, I, I remember doing, like, it was a couple were getting married, they messaged us, I would get married, can you just, like, this couple are getting married, they like your stuff, can you just do a video? I do a video, send it over and at the end I said, I hope this is okay. And he said, oh, is it okay if you add this, this and this? So I found myself doing a retake of the whole video.

• 6:01Tom Davis?

  Hmm.

• 6:02Speaker 00

  And then sending that and he was like...

• 6:03Tom Davis?

  Is this on Instagram, off the back of an Instagram message?

• 6:05Speaker 00

  Yeah. So then I'm just like...

• 6:07Tom Davis?

  I think somebody's taking the Michael.

• 6:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, but then cameo wise, do you not ever think if you do one and then someone went, I'm not really happy with that.

• 6:15Tom Davis?

  Yeah, they can do that, they can score you down. But i, i, if they...

• 6:18Speaker 00

  Because Buckley, by the way, you watch him?

• 6:21Tom Davis?

  He goes all out, yeah.

• 6:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, he's great.

• 6:23Tom Davis?

  But I think...

• 6:24Speaker 00

  And also, he's got a character.

• 6:25Tom Davis?

  Yeah, but if...

• 6:26Speaker 00

  That absolutely fucking nails it for that.

• 6:27Tom Davis?

  If they say, Tom Davis, can you wish my friend Louise a happy birthday?

• 6:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 6:33Tom Davis?

  And you go, hello Louise, this is Tom, happy birthday. You've done what's been asked.

• 6:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 6:38Tom Davis?

  Right? So, so they can't really complain about that. What they can do is give you a low rating and then, like an Uber driver, then other people who are looking, I might get Tom Davis to do me a cameo, they look and there's like feedback put on the thing.

• 6:51Speaker 00

  So that's what, but that's what I'm saying about, so, say someone like Buckley or Danny Dyer, I think Danny's maybe, I don't know if he's done them.

• 6:56Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 6:57Speaker 00

  They've got a real good character to do that sort of stuff.

• 6:59Tom Davis?

  Yeah, you've got a good character to do it.

• 7:00Speaker 00

  I don't know, I think it's a bit muggy sometimes from me. I don't know what my, what my persona would be.

• 7:05Tom Davis?

  Just be yourself.

• 7:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, I don't know.

• 7:07Tom Davis?

  Do me a cameo now. All right, um...

• 7:09Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 7:10Tom Davis?

  Dear Tom, uh, I'm such a massive fan. I love Merging Successful, I love King Gary, um, I loved you in Wonka and I just think you're such, and I love all the stuff you do on the Wolf and Al. Well done for putting Romesh in his place, silly prick. Um, I was wondering if you could do me a cameo? Me and my best friends absolutely love you and my friend Andy has his birthday coming up. I know he'd absolutely be buzzing if you could do a little birthday message for him. He loves, uh, F1, uh, country and western music and Italian food. If you could find some way to incorporate that into his message, I would really love it. Yours sincerely, The Monkfish.

• 7:52Speaker 00

  Okay, for a start, lovely email. He's just, that was one of my favourite emails I've ever had. Genuinely made me feel good about myself.

• 8:01Tom Davis?

  Great, good.

• 8:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, so I've thin my fucking egos right now.

• 8:04Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 8:05Speaker 00

  Okay, so his name's Andy. Okay. Andy, you bloody lunatic. Tom Davis here, in that case. I hear it's your birthday and I bet you're driving everyone crazy talking about F1.

• 8:19Tom Davis?

  Well, this is the problem, this is why cameo's gonna take you ages, because you find yourself too funny.

• 8:25Speaker 00

  No, but you're driving everyone crazy thinking about F1, you blooming lunatic. Listen, um, hopefully, uh, you're gonna have a great night full of Italian food and country music.

• 8:49Speaker 00

  I remember being thirty five too, Andy. Bloody good year. Um, give me a shout soon if you wanna catch like some Luke Coombs concerts or something like that. Andy, you are the best guy I've ever met. I love you, mate. Seriously, I do. Something like that.

• 9:04Tom Davis?

  Yeah, good, good.

• 9:06Speaker 00

  Yeah?

• 9:07Tom Davis?

  Yeah. Um, didn't we agree that it was Luke Coombs?

• 9:11Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, we did, yeah.

• 9:12Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 9:13Speaker 00

  Um, can I see, cause I now, cause you've, you've made me feel you might have a better version of it.

• 9:18Tom Davis?

  I don't, I don't. I actually.

• 9:20Speaker 00

  I think for the, for, let me just see what your vibe would be.

• 9:23Tom Davis?

  Okay.

• 9:23Speaker 00

  Right, okay. Um, uh, I like this, by the way. Um, good afternoon, morning or evening, Romesh. You're a blooming absolute legend. I think you're the funniest man ever. Um, me and my wife actually say if we're ever gonna have a threesome, it would be with you. She's got a real, real fetish for, uh, you and your feet that are also sexy.

• 9:44Tom Davis?

  Answering the sentence, ending the sentence in that. She's got a real fetish for what?

• 9:49Speaker 00

  Um, uh, it's actually my cousin Neil's birthday. Neil really, really likes you. He's been to see you seventeen times. Uh, from doing work in Progresses, he's actually seen you do club gigs, um, and went to a couple of weakest link records. Um. Uh, it's his forty ninth birthday. Uh, he's nearly fifty.

• 10:10Tom Davis?

  Thanks for the clarification.

• 10:12Speaker 00

  Um, Neil's favourite things are, um, he's an Egg and Spoon Race champion. Um, he loves rap music like someone else I know, lol, you. Um, and also, uh, he, um, has jumped out of a plane twenty two times. Uh, he would love a birthday message. You're the best ever, mate. Thanks. Oh, BTW, when we get married, uh, hopefully you can come. Lol.

• 10:36Tom Davis?

  Uh, hello Neil, Romesh here. Just wanna say happy forty ninth birthday to you, mate. I understand you're a big fan. Gotta be honest with you, not sure whether to do a cameo or a restraining order.

• 10:47Speaker 00

  Oh, wow, okay, that's cool.

• 10:48Tom Davis?

  Um, jumping out of a plane twenty two times apparently, uh, hopefully the twenty third time is successful. Anyway, have a great birthday. Uh, I would say look forward to meeting you and seeing you there, but it sounds like you're a stalker. Um, would love to come to you.

• 11:05Speaker 00

  PS, can you do one of a rap at the end?

• 11:08Tom Davis?

  Um, hey Neil, how's it going? This is Romesh and I be flowing on this little cameo video. Just want to let you know, jumping out of a plane is cool, but seeing me seventeen times makes you a fool. You've seen me too many times and I'm worried. If you decide to come back, don't do it in a hurry. Peace.

• 11:30Speaker 00

  Wow, see, that is a cool fucking cameo. You're getting a high star rating for that. Can I say about the rap at the end?

• 11:37Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 11:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 11:38Tom Davis?

  It was shit.

• 11:39Speaker 00

  No, yeah, but still, mate, you're getting that. That's a cool cameo.

• 11:42Tom Davis?

  Great, thanks.

• 11:43Speaker 00

  Um, we should answer this question.

• 11:44Tom Davis?

  Uh.

• 11:57Speaker 00

  I was just thinking about a revenue stream. Um.

• 12:02Speaker 00

  Um, I've been a co-best man before, uh, and I, I do think, I've done, I've done this sort of thing twice. I think sharing, sharing a chat is, was never gonna end well.

• 12:15Tom Davis?

  Just imagine if they're gonna, they've read my email. I wonder what they're gonna say. Keep scrolling on fifteen seconds, fucking hell. They're still doing this cameo.

• 12:28Speaker 00

  It feels like they're about to launch a real cameo.

• 12:32Tom Davis?

  Oh, god.

• 12:33Speaker 00

  Um, I think the co, I don't think it can work. I, I think, I do think you, you've got your speech. You go out there and you, you, you, it's a bit like any kind of performance. You kinda got to die on your own sword. You've got to go and say, this is what I believe is funny. This is what I'm gonna do. And I do think letting him, I think a cameo from the Inbetweeners cast, um, I guess that would be played on a big screen. I think it's a pretty funny thing for, if, yeah, then probably sort of reminds him of home. Um. And then I think that I've, I've never ever seen it. I've, I've seen co-speeches. I've never once seen that people do it, attempt it.

• 13:09Speaker 00

  Well, someone is always gonna be funnier. That's naturally. I also do believe, by the way, that you get to an age and the, the, the speech is just wrecking and ruining someone can really backfire. I've seen that as well. It's a terrible thing to witness where you think that you're, that's what best man's speech is, is absolutely laying into someone. Telling them the most vulnerable, degrading stories that you've got on that person and then watching, not only as you sink back into your seat, cause it's not going very well. But also everyone in the room looking at a guy on his most special day being absolutely fucking like, you know, ruined.

• 13:46Tom Davis?

  Particularly in America, we've got a factor of that.

• 13:48Speaker 00

  Yeah, so, no, you know, my best man's speech, James, James De Fronde did mine and it was a really loving speech. It was a really nice speech. There was jokes in there. He took the mick out of me, but. I, I've sat there and watched a best man thinking like, you know, I'm just gonna, I wanna tell this story about him, uh, you know, doing this thing.

• 14:05Tom Davis?

  But people sometimes forget that in stories aren't as funny as everyone to everyone.

• 14:09Speaker 00

  And also you're, you're dealing with a very, uh, quite a diverse range of ages of, you know, some people are gonna be sitting there thinking this is just disgusting. So for the sort of five people that might find you really, and then you've got to think, I do, I do, you know, I think it's, it's an honour to be someone's best man. Um, and I do think you've, you've got to pay it. But the other one I was saying is, I was like, once a best man at someone's wedding. And I'd written a speech and then someone came over and went, no speeches. We're cancelling the speeches. It's running long. And I was like, what, what, what? My job is not avoid them. Like, if you haven't got the speech, you've got nothing. And I'd written a beautiful speech. It was really heartfelt.

• 14:46Tom Davis?

  Hmm.

• 14:46Speaker 00

  Like, it was a tearjerker. It was like the, it was like the notebook meets sort of.

• 14:51Tom Davis?

  Sure.

• 14:52Speaker 00

  Like a frat boy. Yeah, a frat boy reading out the notebook. Yeah.

• 14:57Speaker 04

  Have you been a best man, man?

• 14:58Tom Davis?

  Yes.

• 14:59Speaker 00

  Dinis?

• 15:00Tom Davis?

  Yeah, and, uh, another, so twice I've been a best man.

• 15:03Speaker 00

  Wow. How are your speeches? Dinis speech?

• 15:06Tom Davis?

  Dinis speech was, uh, a pretty piss-taky.

• 15:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:11Tom Davis?

  The other one was pretty piss-taky as well, although I had kind of, um, left it quite loose. So it wasn't tightly written. I just sort of had. Like, I guess a bit like how I do stand up. I just had the bullet points of what I was gonna say.

• 15:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, nice.

• 15:24Tom Davis?

  Um, but then about five minutes before I went on, somebody said to me, oh, you know, his wife's dad is really traditional about the things you've got to do taste wise and stuff like that. And then I realised I hadn't really, you know, he was very particular about the order that things should have been done.

• 15:38Speaker 00

  So you go last, you headline, right?

• 15:39Tom Davis?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Closed it out. Pretty sick.

• 15:42Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:45Speaker 05

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• 16:44Tom Davis?

  Um.

• 16:45Speaker 00

  Emma and Steve's wedding.

• 16:46Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 16:46Speaker 00

  Yo, headline time.

• 16:48Tom Davis?

  I, um, I think, you're not gonna like this advice. This guy's not gonna like this advice. I think his ego is coming into play a little bit here.

• 16:59Speaker 00

  What, the best man's?

• 17:00Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 17:00Speaker 00

  The writer?

• 17:01Tom Davis?

  The writer of this email. Because he's obviously very proud of what he's written.

• 17:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 17:05Tom Davis?

  It's not just about, you're a co-best man with someone else and in my opinion, that, that you have to sacrifice a little bit for that. And I think making it a competitive situation is not ideal because what you're doing is either you're gonna have a bad time or, or the other co-best man's gonna have a bad time because they're gonna get compared. Whereas if you mix them up together. Then everyone's just going, oh, that was a great speech. And, and, and I just think it's a nicer thing to do, even if you think the other person's idea. What you can do if you wanna dodge that is you take sections each and you just mix them up together.

• 17:42Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 17:43Tom Davis?

  And, and then if you wanna take the heat off your, if you don't think the Inbetweeners cameo thing's a good idea. Then let him introduce that bit of it and take ownership of that. He'll probably be happy about that because he thinks this is a great idea.

• 17:56Speaker 00

  By the way, the Inbetweeners cameo.

• 17:58Tom Davis?

  I don't think it's a bad idea at all. If you wanna do that.

• 18:00Speaker 00

  That's costing them a couple of quid to get all four of them doing a cameo.

• 18:03Tom Davis?

  If you, if you teed up, if you tee it up in a nice way, I think you can make that funny. Like, not, not that they won't be funny, but do you know what I mean? You've got, if you do a cameo, there's a bit of pressure on that. Then everyone's got to look up at a screen and what, it, it just adds a bit of. So, um, I think being a bit charitable in this instance is probably the right thing to do.

• 18:23Speaker 00

  Do you know the worst best man's speech I ever saw? Uh, was at a wedding.

• 18:26Tom Davis?

  You were at my brother's wedding, weren't you?

• 18:27Speaker 00

  No, no, you couldn't. Like, this was egg. This is so egg. This guy, he was the best man and he, he was, but he treated the whole thing. I mean, it went on, I'd, I'd swear it was about an hour. It went on and on and on. Um, and he was like, you know, this is a really happy day for you two. But it's kind of a sad day for me because I'm letting my best friend go and we've been on a journey together since we were fourteen. We've been best friends. And so I wanna take everyone back to when we were fourteen and just so for example, he goes, Bon Jovi are in the charts. Um, oh, I'm halfway there. Oh, living on a prayer. And I start my first day at secondary school, a new secondary school. The first person I meet and, and literally.

• 19:11Tom Davis?

  Does he have a guitar?

• 19:12Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 19:13Tom Davis?

  Okay.

• 19:13Speaker 00

  And then, so he sings that and he goes, um, fast forward to when we're sixteen and we go to the school disco. The biggest song in the charts at that time was Bryan Adams. Look into my eyes, you will see. Right. So you're sitting there thinking, okay.

• 19:30Tom Davis?

  This is not okay. This is horrendous.

• 19:32Speaker 00

  And then he gets to eighteen and then there's like, uh, he just like, they're, they're an ironapper or whatever. And he does some sort of like, um, you know, sweet like chocolate boy, like an acoustic version. Then twenty, twenty, he died. And, and at the point, they were like, we were all like thirty four, right? And you're sitting there thinking, oh, he's doing this every time.

• 19:53Tom Davis?

  What, what's the response to this, by the way?

• 19:55Speaker 00

  At first everyone was like.

• 19:55Tom Davis?

  I imagine the first couple of times people are quite like, yeah.

• 19:58Speaker 00

  But there was no real story, you know, it was like, um, and we were twenty six and, um. We went to see a band that have had like, you know.

• 20:08Speaker 00

  The dollar back in anger. It was not like, there weren't really any stories. It was just like, it was a chance for him to sing.

• 20:15Tom Davis?

  So bad.

• 20:16Speaker 00

  It was one of the worst things I've ever watched, right? And, but he did, so he did, yeah, from fourteen to, I think, yeah, so he did twenty years of their friendship.

• 20:26Speaker 00

  So it was ten songs. It was fucking insane. And by the way, he sang like at least half of each song.

• 20:31Tom Davis?

  Yeah, that guy's a prick.

• 20:32Speaker 00

  Yeah. And then he came up afterwards, he said, you know, he went, oh, we've got some bad news. I was like, you're not doing another fucking speech, are you?

• 20:40Tom Davis?

  Oh my god, what's, what's.

• 20:41Speaker 00

  Everyone around me laughed. He went, oh no, Luke's nan's fallen down the stairs. Yeah.

• 20:50Speaker 00

  That was bad news.

• 20:51Speaker 04

  You're busy, are you?

• 20:52Tom Davis?

  Oh my god!

• 20:55Speaker 00

  I felt scared.

• 21:02Speaker 00

  Why don't we get Rob, why don't we get Rob, why don't we get Rob to do an email?

• 21:10Speaker 00

  How, how, yeah.

• 21:11Speaker 04

  Warm in here, isn't it?

• 21:12Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's nice.

• 21:13Speaker 04

  Is this where you do your other one as well?

• 21:14Speaker 00

  Yeah, he does. Yeah, it's very sweaty.

• 21:17Speaker 04

  I said, shall I go in and interrupt them? And they were like, well, I'm not sure. And I thought, I've seen the show.

• 21:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 21:24Speaker 04

  They're never too far into anything. Do you know what I mean?

• 21:28Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 21:28Speaker 04

  I, I mean.

• 21:29Speaker 00

  There's nothing that I can do here that's gonna derail.

• 21:32Tom Davis?

  We don't have a hook like you guys.

• 21:37Tom Davis?

  Do you wanna do, do you wanna do what, have you got time to do an email with us?

• 21:39Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 21:40Tom Davis?

  Let's do, do quick fire, cause you've actually got to go.

• 21:42Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 21:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm a bit late.

• 21:45Speaker 04

  Oh, you've got, you read it off a thing?

• 21:47Tom Davis?

  Yeah. We're not memorising the fucking email. What?

• 21:50Speaker 04

  You guys are just like, so slick. An air comb would help.

• 21:54Speaker 00

  It would just.

• 21:55Tom Davis?

  We're not allowed to have it on while we're.

• 21:56Speaker 00

  I love the way that, by the way, you, you not just got into golf on the, on the course.

• 22:00Speaker 04

  No, no.

• 22:00Speaker 00

  You're dressed as a golfer all the time.

• 22:03Speaker 04

  Played this morning.

• 22:03Speaker 00

  Did you?

• 22:04Speaker 04

  You can't keep me off the course.

• 22:05Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's, yeah, I'm playing on Thursday.

• 22:07Speaker 04

  Hello, Wolf and Owl. Hope you're both well. Thank you for continued laughs. My commute since, oh, it's quite, I've got all like.

• 22:13Speaker 00

  You've got it.

• 22:13Tom Davis?

  Yeah, no, I like that, I mind that.

• 22:15Speaker 04

  Um, my commute into the office are always office, commute into the office.

• 22:20Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 22:20Speaker 04

  Oh, you make it look easier.

• 22:22Speaker 00

  Can I just say, by the way, it's very nice to have someone else who reads exactly the same.

• 22:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, yeah.

• 22:26Speaker 00

  One of your, yeah.

• 22:27Speaker 04

  My commute, it's not dyslexic friendly, is it? The black and white, I like the colour.

• 22:31Speaker 00

  I do, yeah, yeah.

• 22:32Speaker 04

  My commute into the office are always better on Wednesdays and Fridays, thanks to you two.

• 22:37Tom Davis?

  It's nice, isn't it?

• 22:37Speaker 04

  Is that when this goes out?

• 22:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 22:39Speaker 04

  No, no, it goes out on Tuesdays and Fridays, actually. Tuesdays and Fridays? But so, but then they're a, they're a day behind.

• 22:45Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 22:45Speaker 04

  You're out Monday and.

• 22:47Tom Davis?

  Thursday.

• 22:47Speaker 04

  Monday and Thursday, and then this is Tuesday and.

• 22:50Tom Davis?

  Friday.

• 22:50Speaker 04

  Friday. And then you're on Radio Two on Saturday.

• 22:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, you can't get enough from a show again.

• 22:55Speaker 04

  If he weren't, if he weren't a Christian, he'd be fucking seven days in. He's gonna down the Dan Walker route, Sundays off.

• 23:01Tom Davis?

  It's a fun little race, isn't it?

• 23:04Tom Davis?

  Get to the end of the email and fuck off to your voiceover.

• 23:07Speaker 04

  Do you know what? On my knees, I feel wonderful. I'm coming in so hot.

• 23:12Tom Davis?

  You, you, you've taken the lower ground and if you, you've got, you've got to come out all guns blazing. Anyway, look, you've got to go, mate, you have to do this whole email.

• 23:19Speaker 04

  I have a special love for the role play situations you guys put yourself into. A particular shout has to go to the scenario where Tom is a third bit trip brother, Toby in EastEnders. Oh, you do bits?

• 23:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 23:28Tom Davis?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 23:29Speaker 00

  We had a crossover with Josh Widdecombe, actually, in that bit. He was, yeah, Josh and Ross having a fight.

• 23:32Tom Davis?

  We do rip off some stuff from you. We try to do small bits of shouts for a bit, don't we?

• 23:36Speaker 04

  With that in mind, I wanted to ask if you could replace a character in a movie. Which movie and character would you choose? And how would your presence change a famous scene from that movie? Much love the garden toad. Do you know what? On that, I'm out.

• 23:47Tom Davis?

  Okay, mate. I'll see you later on.

• 23:51Speaker 00

  I'll see you soon.

• 23:51Speaker 04

  Love you, man.

• 23:52Tom Davis?

  Cheers, mate. Love you, mate. Take care. Bye.

• 23:57Tom Davis?

  Well, that's exciting, wasn't it?

• 23:58Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 23:59Tom Davis?

  I, I, I'm gonna say something honestly.

• 24:01Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:01Tom Davis?

  I didn't like what happened to us.

• 24:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 24:05Tom Davis?

  We were clearly excited that, cause first of all, when the door opened, I was about to go, what the fuck's going on?

• 24:10Speaker 00

  I thought it was gonna be an armed raid.

• 24:11Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 24:12Speaker 00

  But yeah, that was, that was, that was a hell of, to be fair, an energy spike.

• 24:15Tom Davis?

  It was, yeah. Well, he was, he was clearly, can I tell you what I think happened? He burst in.

• 24:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:21Tom Davis?

  Regretted it instantly.

• 24:22Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:22Tom Davis?

  Then had to make something of his appearance. That's what happened.

• 24:25Speaker 00

  Yeah. What was the thing he gave you, by the way?

• 24:28Tom Davis?

  Oh, it's, um, it's actually, so we're doing, um, I can tell, oh, this won't go out, obviously, this is not gonna get before dinner tonight, is it? So the two, uh, Jack and Bill.

• 24:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:38Tom Davis?

  Who were the brains behind Rob and Romesh versus.

• 24:39Speaker 00

  Lovely guys, shout them out.

• 24:41Tom Davis?

  We've, we've, we're signing a little commemorative thing, cause we've done, this is the ninth series that's coming out, so. Ten years of Rob and Rom, basically.

• 24:48Speaker 00

  That's incredible.

• 24:49Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 24:49Speaker 00

  But, yes, uh, it was a, it was a weird, it was a weird mo- moment.

• 24:53Tom Davis?

  Yeah, it was weird, yeah.

• 24:54Speaker 00

  Cause you're in a bubble here.

• 24:55Tom Davis?

  It's ba- basically, I felt like I was having sex with my girlfriend and my wife turned up.

• 25:01Speaker 00

  I like that, well, I'm still the slutty girlfriend.

• 25:02Tom Davis?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause you, you know, you give it to me a dirt, yeah.

• 25:05Speaker 00

  Uh, anyhow, the email that, that Rob Beckett read, read out.

• 25:09Tom Davis?

  Yeah, what movie character, if you were to replace a character in a movie, what movie character and character would you choose? And how would your presence change a famous scene from that movie?

• 25:17Speaker 00

  Probably, I'd Sonny Corleone in The Godfather.

• 25:20Tom Davis?

  Yeah, good. How would it change the movie?

• 25:22Speaker 00

  Uh, I'd probably make it a little less angry.

• 25:25Tom Davis?

  Hmm.

• 25:25Speaker 00

  Just, you know, ah, sort of thing.

• 25:29Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 25:29Speaker 00

  I'm trying to think of that. You know, the scene, the famous scene where he's, um, uh, he's talking about whacking the guys who've gone after his dad in Godfather one. And I'd probably, I mean, I can't remember any of the dialogue, but I'd probably just be like, making it a bit more chea- pretty much do what I do in most things I act in. Give her that sort of idiot cheese across the board. That'd be the, the character.

• 25:51Tom Davis?

  I would, um, I would probably go for Leonardo DiCaprio's character in Titanic.

• 25:57Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 25:57Tom Davis?

  And I would push Rose off the door.

• 26:02Speaker 00

  You would be insane at that. I would, you know what? It would be, that, if we could do, recreate, actually, the scene, I could be Billy Zane, you know, when.

• 26:11Tom Davis?

  I, I mean, I, I think this is almost a cliche take, but Billy Zane.

• 26:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 26:17Tom Davis?

  They had to, they had to write in him pushing his way to the front of the lifeboat queue, because essentially he was a victim in that film, right?

• 26:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, of course.

• 26:25Tom Davis?

  So, so it's this classic save the cat, reverse save the cat thing, right? Where this guy's done nothing wrong. His wife is now shagging this other guy from the boat.

• 26:35Speaker 00

  Who, by the way, is also, you know, a little sneak.

• 26:38Tom Davis?

  Yeah, so that really, they're, they're the villains of the piece. So they've gone, what do we do? Because this is like a really cool romantic storyline, but essentially they're being pricks to Billy Zane. So then they go, let's just make him an asshole. And, and that, I, that sort of, I would say if anything bumped me about Titanic, it would be that.

• 26:58Speaker 00

  Well, Billy Zane's actually quite a sweet character.

• 27:00Tom Davis?

  I don't think he's a sweet character, but what, I could, you can see, I, I feel like you can, you can see the writer's hand.

• 27:06Speaker 00

  Everyone there, he's so excited to be on the Titanic.

• 27:08Tom Davis?

  Hmm.

• 27:08Speaker 00

  Of all the characters, yeah, his character loves being on the Titanic. He's almost like a Titanic geek.

• 27:13Tom Davis?

  I don't remember that, I can't remember that.

• 27:14Speaker 00

  Oh, go back and watch it and think, yeah, he's literally, um, I can imagine the pre to the film with him and Kate Winslet and like, fucking, his character's going, oh bloody hell, I can't wait, get, get me on that bloody Titanic, girl. We're gonna have a right laugh. You know, that, if anything, yeah, it's the worst thing for him.

• 27:30Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 27:31Speaker 00

  When it goes down, cause he put so much faith in it, saving his relationship.

• 27:34Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 27:34Speaker 00

  And he brought her a beautiful, beautiful necklace.

• 27:36Tom Davis?

  So, hold on, I, did, did, was their relationship in trouble when they got on the boat?

• 27:40Speaker 00

  Oh, well, yeah, I think so. I think that, yeah, I think there was cracks. You don't just meet someone on a boat and then go and have sex with them in a car below deck and sort of like, they, they must, yeah, I think things were on, on the ropes. I think that was the.

• 27:53Tom Davis?

  Is it suggested in the film that's the case, though?

• 27:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, I think Billy Zane was trying to save their marriage.

• 27:58Tom Davis?

  Uh, can we just look into what Billy Zane and, uh.

• 28:01Speaker 00

  Kate Winslet.

• 28:01Tom Davis?

  Kate Winslet's relationship is when they got onto the.

• 28:03Speaker 00

  If you actually watch that and imagine that Leonardo DiCap- Leonardo DiCaprio's character, cause he's a cheeky little scamp and a sneak, he could have literally gone from being saved on the Titanic to go straight to Catch Me If You Can.

• 28:16Tom Davis?

  Yeah. Catch me if you can. And when I first watched that film, I thought, I don't like this. And now I think it's great.

• 28:20Speaker 00

  Great film.

• 28:21Speaker 04

  Ah, yes, okay, got it.

• 28:23Tom Davis?

  Go on, so what is it?

• 28:25Speaker 04

  Um, he, he, Billy Zane is on the maiden voyage with the Titanic to marry his seventeen year old fiancee, Rose. Rose does not want the marriage and despises Hockley, but the man is either oblivious to this or chooses to ignore it.

• 28:39Tom Davis?

  Okay, so basically, everything, my whole critique of the film is completely null and void.

• 28:43Speaker 00

  Well, now that Billy Zane's a paedophile.

• 28:45Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 28:45Speaker 00

  Well, not Billy Zane, his character.

• 28:47Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 28:47Speaker 00

  I think, yeah, you, that, you'd be amazing, Leonardo DiCaprio.

• 28:51Tom Davis?

  Uh, no, can I just apologise to, I said, I did all this, what's wrong with me? I did all this thing about Billy Zane, save the cat and all that shit. It's like a fucking shit. He's forcing a woman into marriage.

• 29:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 29:01Tom Davis?

  She's seventeen years old.

• 29:03Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:03Tom Davis?

  It, it's weird, isn't it? How you remember stuff?

• 29:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, no.

• 29:06Tom Davis?

  I, that shows you that I'm a bad, I'm sort of a bad person, like.

• 29:11Speaker 00

  No, you're not a bad person, but I think you.

• 29:12Tom Davis?

  I've got bad tendencies.

• 29:14Speaker 00

  Yeah, but you've watched it with a different, I think you know what you've done, cause you're one of those people who sort of like to see things differently.

• 29:20Tom Davis?

  Tries to be a contrarian.

• 29:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:21Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 29:22Speaker 00

  So when everyone else is going, oh my god, fucking Leo died, I can't believe it, Kate's gonna save him. And you're like, well, I actually think, if I'm gonna be completely frank with you, Billy Zane's a victim of the old movie.

• 29:34Tom Davis?

  Yeah, I would, I would buy all that, had you not agreed with everything I said while saying it.

• 29:37Speaker 00

  No, I did agree with you.

• 29:38Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 29:39Speaker 00

  Cause do you know what I am?

• 29:40Tom Davis?

  What?

• 29:40Speaker 00

  I'm a people pleaser.

• 29:43Speaker 00

  You could have said just about anything.

• 29:44Tom Davis?

  Um, it's about rappy rap time, isn't it?

• 29:46Speaker 00

  What, by the way, what a fucking courageous and insane episode.

• 29:50Tom Davis?

  Yeah, if you, um, if you decided that you're only gonna listen to the main episodes rather than the email ones, shame on you, cause we had a hell of a cameo.

• 29:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:58Tom Davis?

  Our first in-person cameo ever.

• 30:00Speaker 00

  Do you know what?

• 30:01Tom Davis?

  Speaking of cameo.

• 30:03Speaker 00

  If you want a cameo for the Wolf and Owl for any reason on the head up to Christmas, we will be doing them for one month only. That's a Wolf and Owl, uh, cameo.

• 30:11Tom Davis?

  It will be Tom and a cut out of me.

• 30:16Speaker 00

  Hello? Hi, I'm Tom Davis, AKA The Wolf. Hello, I'm Wolf and I'm AKA The Owl.

• 30:23Tom Davis?

  I, I actually think that's a money spinner.

• 30:25Speaker 00

  Well, fucking hell. If there's money on the board, let me see the cheese.

• 30:32Tom Davis?

  Send your questions and queries to wolfandowlpod at gmail dot com. We will see you next time for our next week's episode. Peace.

• 30:40Speaker 00

  Love.

• 30:41Tom Davis?

  And understanding.

• 30:50Speaker 06

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• 31:21Speaker 03

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