MBMBaM 807: Riding in Floors with Boys

It feels like we were destined to tackle the topics at hand this week. Who else would be more equipped to name the ride-on floor cleaners, reboot three different Phantom franchises, and use sports broadcasting to score some ice cream drumsticks, all while unveiling of the greatest advancement in high-tech, piss-proof cape technology. It’s like we’re outside on your next door balcony, projecting our podcast out into the world. Suggested talking points: The Chad Who Walks, Just Evita Things, There’s No Pizza in Grapes of Wrath, Check for Truckers, Fuck the McElroy Brothers What Were They Thinking Border Angels: https://www.borderangels.org/our-services.html

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

• 1:10Travis McElroy?

  Hello, everybody. Welcome to Brother My Brother and Me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

• 1:18Travis McElroy?

  What up, Trav Nation? It's me, your middlest brother Travis, big dog, wolf of room from the heater, award-winning McElroy.

• 1:25Griffin McElroy?

  And you already know what it is, Trav Nation. It's me, your sweet baby brother, Griffin30under30mediailluminary, award winner McElroy. Saying "award winner" in there when I'm already kind of like saying another award I won, the 30 Under 30 Media Award. Yeah, "awards winner" is maybe a cleaner way of doing that, McElroy.

• 1:43Travis McElroy?

  Uh, welcome to our show. We hope you, uh, are having a great, great week. Um, guys, what's been happening?

• 1:50Griffin McElroy?

  Damn, man. I was about to say, I guess Mr. Bean's not out here making any new Netflix series to speak of whatsoever. I guess Timmy Chalamet hasn't said anything, uh, silly and injurious to his career lately.

• 2:03Travis McElroy?

  Oh, no, we didn't talk about Timmy Chimi.

• 2:05Griffin McElroy?

  We did. We talked about Tim Chimp for sure. We definitely had a whole, like, 10-minute intro.

• 2:09Travis McElroy?

  Did we talk about Timmy Chimi?

• 2:11Griffin McElroy?

  We did do a pretty extended Timmy Chimi run.

• 2:13Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 2:14Griffin McElroy?

  A lot of the times we just barrel into these and it's like, oh, that's right.

• 2:18Travis McElroy?

  We don't leave anything for us. Don't leave anything on the bone.

• 2:22Travis McElroy?

  How last week, Justin took a bold stance and said that Easter candy was the best candy?

• 2:26Travis McElroy?

  Uh huh. Has the, has the email been blowing up? Are people freaking out?

• 2:30Travis McElroy?

  Oh yeah, all over the place. Just full agreement. Um.

• 2:34Griffin McElroy?

  Gun to your head right now. What is the login for our email address? I guarantee none of us know it.

• 2:39Travis McElroy?

  I know it, but I'm not gonna say it out loud.

• 2:41Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, okay.

• 2:41Travis McElroy?

  Can you guys give a little space for me to make a bold statement?

• 2:46Griffin McElroy?

  I guess so.

• 2:48Travis McElroy?

  I believe the time has come. It's been 30 years to try again at the Phantom.

• 2:56Griffin McElroy?

  The Phantom superhero.

• 2:58Travis McElroy?

  Travis.

• 2:59Travis McElroy?

  The Billy Zane.

• 3:00Travis McElroy?

  You have pounced on us in a moment of weakness to, to monopolize this show to talk about Billy Zane's.

• 3:05Travis McElroy?

  In the year 1989, Batman by Tim Burton came out and all the studio said, we need to get on this right now. The first to the gate, Dick Tracy, 1990.

• 3:16Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 3:17Travis McElroy?

  1991, The Rocketeer.

• 3:20Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. So all that old shit.

• 3:22Travis McElroy?

  1995, The Shadow. 1996, The Phantom.

• 3:27Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 3:28Travis McElroy?

  Before and after its time. Yeah, somehow.

• 3:32Griffin McElroy?

  The Golden Age of Radio really had a, if memory serves, not great run at the cinemas.

• 3:38Travis McElroy?

  Correct.

• 3:39Griffin McElroy?

  Most of those films you described, did, they did go way, way down.

• 3:42Travis McElroy?

  It was a bunch of guys who remembered it from when they were kids, green lighting it, thinking that today's kids are gonna love it, but it's all busted.

• 3:49Travis McElroy?

  Is this one gonna be our Batman, they said?

• 3:52Griffin McElroy?

  And the answer was no. It was a sort of run of stories about wealthy men who punched other men. And that made them, uh, worthy of a, worthy of like a cool superhero nickname.

• 4:10Travis McElroy?

  Yes.

• 4:10Griffin McElroy?

  And so America said, I don't get it. What's Billy Zane's powers even? Is he strong?

• 4:15Travis McElroy?

  He punches.

• 4:17Griffin McElroy?

  He punches.

• 4:18Travis McElroy?

  He punches and this is something that people forget about, an advantage that the Phantom has over Batman. He does not have any superpowers. He's just a long line of crime fighting folks. No superpowers. What he does have, Batman doesn't have two guns.

• 4:32Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 4:32Travis McElroy?

  And they're not magic guns. They're two, two normal guns. They're not even the same guns. It's two, just two guns. Like it's a revolver and a pistol. And he just said like, I guess I'm a superhero now. And he runs around in a mask and he's like, hey.

• 4:50Griffin McElroy?

  I don't see, I don't, and I don't see why this era of film and radio is behind us. Cause that's still a message that's like.

• 4:57Travis McElroy?

  Beautiful message.

• 4:58Travis McElroy?

  He also had a ring.

• 5:00Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 5:01Travis McElroy?

  With a skull imprint on it.

• 5:03Travis McElroy?

  Romantic too. There's a romance.

• 5:04Travis McElroy?

  When he punches someone with his skull ring, it leaves a skull imprint on their face.

• 5:09Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. So he doesn't, so he, see, he's out there shooting and fucking out there mushroom stamping fellas and who are criminals. And then he's like, damn, I guess I'm the Phantom now. You know, stop calling me my normal name, Billy.

• 5:25Travis McElroy?

  And here's the best part of this 30 year later reboot. Part of the Phantom, right? Is that he can commune with like his past Phantom relatives. So when the Billy Zane one, like his dad, the ghost of his dad shows up. You could have Billy Zane show up as the ghost of his dad play, and the Phantom in this one's gonna be played by Lucifer's Tom Ellis.

• 5:46Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 5:47Travis McElroy?

  Wow.

• 5:47Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 5:48Griffin McElroy?

  We flexible on that. No. We got any wiggle room? We got any wiggle room there?

• 5:52Travis McElroy?

  We got any wiggle room?

• 5:54Travis McElroy?

  Bill Hader's gonna play the villain. Xander Cage, I think is his name.

• 5:59Travis McElroy?

  Are you?

• 5:59Griffin McElroy?

  Xander Cage.

• 6:01Travis McElroy?

  Are you? That's from XXX. So I, I'm certain you're not.

• 6:04Travis McElroy?

  You're, you are correct. It's something like that.

• 6:07Travis McElroy?

  Xander Cage is 100%. It's.

• 6:09Griffin McElroy?

  It might be Xander Drax.

• 6:12Travis McElroy?

  So Travis, are you in the scripting stage? Are you, do you have an outline? What do you want? What do you need from us?

• 6:17Griffin McElroy?

  Do you want our approval? Are you looking for money? Like what's the?

• 6:20Travis McElroy?

  Tell you to stop? I could do that too. I could provide that.

• 6:23Travis McElroy?

  I guess I'm just looking for support and money. I do need if you guys would invest, um, let's say 50 million each. I think that would be enough to get us started. Um, hmm.

• 6:38Travis McElroy?

  Well, do you have any wiggle room on the lead? Cause it's nobody I or anyone else.

• 6:42Griffin McElroy?

  Or the money. Do you have like either a little wiggle room on the lead or like a lot of wiggle room?

• 6:46Travis McElroy?

  Griffin, I don't wanna get too far ahead of you here, Trav. What if the, the character, do you have any wiggle room on just a different sort of?

• 6:55Griffin McElroy?

  And I guess sort of just to do like a big, broad scope. Big, broad scope here. Do you have any wiggle room on the idea?

• 7:03Travis McElroy?

  On the, you're thinking just go ahead and lock the trilogy down?

• 7:07Griffin McElroy?

  No, I'm saying like the whole idea.

• 7:09Travis McElroy?

  Shadow Phantom crossover.

• 7:12Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 7:13Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, we could do that.

• 7:15Griffin McElroy?

  I'm the Shfado.

• 7:17Travis McElroy?

  You, you wanna play the shadow?

• 7:19Griffin McElroy?

  I'm the Shfado and I have four rings and I have nine guns. I can tell when people are lying and when I punch them, it leaves a little skull.

• 7:27Travis McElroy?

  I don't wanna do the powers. I want classic Phantom nobilities, a man with guns and a mask. And a dad that told him he had to fight crime.

• 7:36Travis McElroy?

  Bag of gems, a wolf, a horse. He had a nickname. The Phantom.

• 7:41Griffin McElroy?

  The Phantom had, the Phantom was his nickname.

• 7:43Travis McElroy?

  No, the ghost who walks.

• 7:46Travis McElroy?

  Sure.

• 7:46Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, that's cool.

• 7:47Travis McElroy?

  So on his birth certificate, it says the Phantom?

• 7:51Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 7:52Travis McElroy?

  The Phantom doesn't have an alternate name. Like it's just, his dad said, we all fight crime. And you have to, my dad did and his dad did. And we all have done it for 500 years. I don't know how we keep having kids, finding the time for that, but we are doing that.

• 8:08Travis McElroy?

  You are gonna need to do that though, son. Uh, it's really important that you get up there.

• 8:12Travis McElroy?

  Have an offspring. You gotta have a kid to Phantom after you.

• 8:16Griffin McElroy?

  It sucks. It's like guaranteed you're gonna be bad at being a father. Like guaranteed. Cause as soon as you pop, as soon as you create life, you then now grab, grab that ring, grab those two guns. You're Phantom now. Can't be there for baseball games.

• 8:30Travis McElroy?

  And a cool thing would be if you would be able to survive until your son reaches adulthood. But there's no guarantee on that one.

• 8:39Griffin McElroy?

  Hasn't happened so far.

• 8:41Travis McElroy?

  You never met your grandpa and that's pretty common.

• 8:44Griffin McElroy?

  Or me.

• 8:45Travis McElroy?

  Hi, this is a diary entry.

• 8:47Griffin McElroy?

  The reason you're so scared of me, a ghost right now, is because you don't have any awareness of who I am. I'm your father. I helped make you.

• 8:55Travis McElroy?

  We barely have enough time to have a kid. We fanned him for like 18 months. And we usually get killed. That's usually the way it shakes out.

• 9:03Griffin McElroy?

  Sure.

• 9:03Travis McElroy?

  We impregnate someone, we get to be the phantom for 18 to 24 months of solid crime fighting. Cause you gotta make sure. I don't think you can get out there and be the phantom unless you have a bun in someone's oven, right?

• 9:18Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, absolutely. It's in the contract. Yeah.

• 9:20Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, you can't get out there and start dodging bullets unless there's someone ready or cooking.

• 9:26Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 9:27Travis McElroy?

  To take, to take it up.

• 9:28Griffin McElroy?

  Also guaranteed in the contract is that you do get at least 18 months of being alive after that. The, the bad guys know to take it a little bit easy. And then like after a year and a half, you know, maybe all of a sudden they stop pulling their punches or they crash a big biplane into your biplane.

• 9:46Travis McElroy?

  The most phantoms Griffin is that, is that transitional phase into the lethality.

• 9:51Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, but you do get your 18 good months of being the phantom.

• 9:55Travis McElroy?

  If you're a criminal who goes up against the phantom, I bet the inconsistency of when the phantom appeared. Cause it's like, yeah, for 18 months, the phantom was everywhere. And then like 17 years passed, no phantom.

• 10:07Griffin McElroy?

  No phantom.

• 10:08Travis McElroy?

  Suddenly there's this phantom again.

• 10:10Griffin McElroy?

  No way. If you're a bad guy, you can probably get a lot of leniency. Basically anytime you see the phantom, you can't congratulate him on the, on their child. Cause they, they are under two years old or perhaps not even born yet. Like, hey, congra- the fact that you are here now talking to me, punching me with your strong ring means only one thing. You have either conceived life or are a new father and I'm proud of you. Congrats.

• 10:36Travis McElroy?

  Every fan was fighting with the ferocity of a father to be because they barely had time.

• 10:41Griffin McElroy?

  They are.

• 10:42Travis McElroy?

  There's something to fight for. Do you think though, when phantom guys, I feel like phantom is like two degrees off from just like the worst manosphere nonsense of like, he does have a bloodline, right? Now my dad's genetic material is proven to be crime.

• 10:58Griffin McElroy?

  He's the cat who walks.

• 11:00Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 11:00Griffin McElroy?

  A diaper chip diaper.

• 11:04Griffin McElroy?

  Diaper changes, I don't really do that stuff.

• 11:07Travis McElroy?

  No, no, no, no. It's called punch maxing. So I punch you, but you take it with the ring. So it's like there are more forces in it. And I leave an imprint with the skull and yeah, those are perfect cheekbones.

• 11:19Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. I'll tell you, I do like the ring though. I tell you, I do like it from a toyetic standpoint, we're miss it, we're, we are, the nerd ring market is quite stale. We've all got.

• 11:33Travis McElroy?

  Our dad has bought us all the different Green Lantern ones there are.

• 11:36Griffin McElroy?

  That there is.

• 11:36Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 11:37Griffin McElroy?

  And Phantom in the reboot, it could be like, maybe there's 12 different skull rings and they're made of different metals and they.

• 11:43Travis McElroy?

  Flash ring with the costume in it. Got a few of those. This is an advice show and a lot of people like to forget that when it's convenient for them.

• 11:51Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 11:51Travis McElroy?

  But I'll never, I'll never forget. I am a fifth grade teacher at an elementary school. Once a week, our custodians drive a floor cleaning Zamboni through the hallways. At the start of the school year, one of our custodians offered to let me drive it. I got very nervous and drove only about three feet forward before stopping abruptly and awkwardly mumbling, thanks, as I hopped off. For the last six months, I've watched with longing every week and wished I could have the chance to redeem myself. I feel prepped to go farther and faster than before. Brothers, how do I get offered to turn to drive the hallway Zamboni again without seeming desperate? That's from Fast and Florius in Florida.

• 12:34Griffin McElroy?

  I have to imagine this is a holdover from last year when, you know, we were telling everybody to, to hit that 20 Thunder Drive.

• 12:42Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, but this is a really good opportunity though, to make it stick. Because now you're gonna take a second shot at this, at this Zamboni driving. There's gotta be a different, there's gotta be a name.

• 12:54Griffin McElroy?

  There's gotta be a different name for it.

• 12:55Travis McElroy?

  Gotta be a name for the floor Zamboni mopping machine, ridable mop. That sounds wrong.

• 13:00Griffin McElroy?

  What about a Zumba? Like a Roomba that you zoom on?

• 13:05Travis McElroy?

  That's already.

• 13:05Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, that's right taken.

• 13:07Griffin McElroy?

  Zumba is already a.

• 13:07Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, Zumba is already a thing against all odds, yeah.

• 13:11Travis McElroy?

  Maybe like a cool cowboy hat and like a leather jacket? And you're leaning up against the lockers and say something like, let me take another shot at that Bronco. Something that makes it like, yeah, you're a lot cooler now than you were before. Right?

• 13:27Griffin McElroy?

  I wouldn't. No, I wouldn't hand over the keys if that's the energy you. If that's the energy you ca- if I'm the custodian and that's the energy you came at me with, if I get this sense that you want it too bad, I'm not gonna hand over the keys to Mike because I'm responsible for anything that happens. You might, you know, drive it uh, into a classroom and eat up all the desks with it. I get in trouble for that because it's my name on the side of the thing.

• 13:51Travis McElroy?

  Maybe bring in your own and try to drag race?

• 13:54Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, we couldn't even tell you what the name of the thing was. So how are you gonna Google it and buy one of your own? It's not a Zumba. How do you find it?

• 14:01Travis McElroy?

  Flea market?

• 14:03Griffin McElroy?

  Cleaner, cleaner cart.

• 14:05Travis McElroy?

  Cart cleaner cart? Hmm. Doesn't sound right. Griffin, if you Google, I'm gonna be so mad at you.

• 14:11Griffin McElroy?

  I'm not gonna Google it. I'm too busy coming up with jokes. I can't do to those two things at the same time.

• 14:16Travis McElroy?

  It's like a lawnmower. It's like a riding lawnmower.

• 14:19Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 14:20Travis McElroy?

  A riding floor cleaner? Riding floor, dirt mower?

• 14:23Griffin McElroy?

  Riding floor, riding floor, riding floors.

• 14:27Travis McElroy?

  Floor rider.

• 14:28Griffin McElroy?

  Riding and floors with boys.

• 14:29Travis McElroy?

  Riding and floors with boys.

• 14:31Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I think it's probably what it's called.

• 14:33Travis McElroy?

  Probably what it's called.

• 14:35Griffin McElroy?

  I bet you're not the first person who has had this experience at this school.

• 14:40Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 14:40Griffin McElroy?

  And I bet you if you walk up to this custodian hat in hand, like you're not even gonna be able to get two words out before the custodian will be like, I know. You felt, you've got the itch now. You've got something to prove. Go for it.

• 14:55Travis McElroy?

  It's humiliating, Griffin. If this person had, I'm sure this person thought of just get over it and ask to do it again. I hope that crossed their mind.

• 15:03Griffin McElroy?

  I'm saying they will be, they will be delighted to shepherd another young pupil who is a teacher, but like in the ways of riding the floor rider.

• 15:13Travis McElroy?

  Uh, I, I bet they'll, they'll be stoked. He'll be like a little wink, like a little twinkle in his eye like, "Yeah, I remember that fear. I felt it too, but now let's become bigger than it together."

• 15:22Travis McElroy?

  I think that you have to take into consideration the gift that you're giving. Because I think, I'm not breaking any new ground here when I say that often custodians are overlooked, underappreciated. The idea that you got on to this floor scrubber, this riding on floors with boys, was that it?

• 15:45Travis McElroy?

  Yep.

• 15:45Travis McElroy?

  Then couldn't handle the power? Must have been such a warm feeling of like, "Yeah, not everybody can handle this ride like I do." And then you're coming back and saying like, "I, I want another shot, please." Right?

• 16:04Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 16:04Travis McElroy?

  It's gotta feel good if you're the custodian.

• 16:07Travis McElroy?

  It's gotta feel good if you're the custodian. You're giving a great, a great gift. I just feel like

• 16:15Travis McElroy?

  you've proven that you're a liability.

• 16:17Travis McElroy?

  Well, yeah.

• 16:18Travis McElroy?

  You've proven that you can't handle the power. I mean, we got kids in this hallway and you, you made it 10 seconds in before you flipped. Like you think right now that you can handle it, but I bet before you tried the first time, there was no part of you that thought, "What if I flake out after 10 seconds?"

• 16:35Travis McElroy?

  That's true.

• 16:36Travis McElroy?

  Like, you didn't, I just don't know. I think maybe you owe it to yourself and to this person to try to get to know them as a person first. I think if the, if the first conversation you've had with them is, again, they're gonna see you as just

• 16:53Travis McElroy?

  Since the incident.

• 16:54Travis McElroy?

  They're using you for your machine. I think that you gotta start building your confidence back up by just a daily exchange. Like, "Hey, I remember my humiliation. I promise I'm not normally like that. I can do better." But I'm not asking for another opportunity. Like, it's just, just to get to know them as a person.

• 17:12Travis McElroy?

  And maybe start living your life like someone who is ready for a Zamboni ride again, until the custodian, like you just see a tap on your shoulder and You're like, oh, yeah. And they're just like, you're ready.

• 17:26Travis McElroy?

  They saw when you were ready before.

• 17:28Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 17:28Travis McElroy?

  They're gonna know the time is right again.

• 17:30Griffin McElroy?

  But now you've been cruising the halls in Power Wheels and you've been scooting around. Maybe during the class field trip, you bring the custodian and you guys go to play bumper cars.

• 17:41Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 17:42Griffin McElroy?

  Like little things, little things that say like, I can operate a small, non-standard vehicle and be trusted.

• 17:48Travis McElroy?

  You made one out of a cardboard box and scooted around the floor in school.

• 17:52Griffin McElroy?

  Start with that. Start with the little box you scoot around with and write and write trash Zamboni on it. So that he knows kind of the illusion you're trying to get.

• 18:00Travis McElroy?

  And you've set up cones and you're weaving between them and you bump them and you get really upset, but you go back and you try again.

• 18:06Griffin McElroy?

  It's the persistence he's looking for.

• 18:08Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 18:09Travis McElroy?

  Here is a, here's a possibility. What if the next time you see them with the, the floor mop riding apprentice appliance?

• 18:18Travis McElroy?

  Mm-hmm.

• 18:19Travis McElroy?

  The next time you see him rolling around.

• 18:20Griffin McElroy?

  Can we just call it a Zumba? Like, until someone comes up with a successful name for it.

• 18:25Travis McElroy?

  The next time you see him on the Zumba, dump a popcorn bucket on the ground. And then it's just like, well, this is humiliating. Please allow me. Cause you know that I know. You know, I know what I'm doing here. Now, the bet that I'm making here is that they don't remember how bad you did last time. What I'm hoping is they only remember that you have driven it before, right?

• 18:46Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 18:46Travis McElroy?

  So when you're like, please allow me, this is my mess. I couldn't ask you to clean this up. And then they'll like, maybe let you take a shot at it without, before they remember how bad it went the last time.

• 19:00Griffin McElroy?

  Can I season it? Can I season it a little bit?

• 19:02Travis McElroy?

  The popcorn?

• 19:03Griffin McElroy?

  It's very good.

• 19:04Travis McElroy?

  No, it's on the ground.

• 19:04Griffin McElroy?

  The idea is very, very good, but if you just drop all the popcorn on the ground right there, the custodian's gonna say, just pick it up with your hands and throw it in the garbage can. However, if you, if you please let me season it, if you walk by the custodian. If you walk by the custodian and then as you walk by him, you look down at your bucket, you say, oh, man, it has a goddamn hole in it. I've left a trail of popcorn down the hallway, around the corner, back into the cafeteria.

• 19:31Travis McElroy?

  Like Jeffy.

• 19:32Griffin McElroy?

  Forming a sort of, I guess you could call it a course. It does go all the way around the school.

• 19:37Travis McElroy?

  When the janitor said, clean it up with your hands.

• 19:40Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 19:41Travis McElroy?

  What am I? Am I a student? Employee? What is his, what is his relationship to me that he, that he looks at me and says, clean it up with your hands? Now, okay. To be fair, in your scenario, you were like making eye contact with the custodian dumping your popcorn on the floor. No, you absolutely, the cloaking was implied. Of course you cloak it. Like you don't like make a big scene, man. It's implied that you do it in a stylish fashion.

• 20:11Griffin McElroy?

  He, say the custodian says, yes, hop on, clean up your mess. You clean up your mess. If you just dropped it on the floor, you have recreated the initial Zamboni scenario where they only rode it for a few feet before they got scared. If you create an entire beautiful course.

• 20:26Travis McElroy?

  So what if you trip and like up in the bu- like throw the bucket forward? Is that maybe something?

• 20:32Griffin McElroy?

  That's gonna be hard to do without being clocked for embellishment.

• 20:37Travis McElroy?

  I feel like you understood what I was saying. You're being intentionally obtuse right now. I feel like you understand the premise and you're just trying to shoot. Like it could be anything. I was, I was about to say you're trying to blow holes in it, but you're literally trying to poke holes in bucket. Yeah.

• 20:52Griffin McElroy?

  The hole in the popcorn bucket too, you can show them and be like, do you think this was like a penis joke thing? Like this is.

• 20:58Travis McElroy?

  Or sabotage.

• 21:00Griffin McElroy?

  And this bucket slipped back into the, the general sort of stack of popcorn buckets.

• 21:05Travis McElroy?

  I don't know how these things start, keep recirculating, guys. What a way to save a buck.

• 21:10Griffin McElroy?

  That's crazy.

• 21:13Travis McElroy?

  My neighbor regularly comes out on his balcony and sings. He has a beautiful voice and I enjoy hearing it. Whenever I come outside to hear better, he stops. How do I tell my neighbor that I want to hear that thing? For reference, he sings R and B slash soul and we are 25 feet apart. Oh boy. That's tough, isn't it?

• 21:36Griffin McElroy?

  I feel like it's not for you.

• 21:39Travis McElroy?

  It's not for you. Then why on the balcony?

• 21:44Travis McElroy?

  This is for them.

• 21:45Travis McElroy?

  Oh.

• 21:47Griffin McElroy?

  It's an Aveda thing.

• 21:48Travis McElroy?

  It's an Aveda thing. It's for that. Hello. Do you ever address? You gotta address. Hello.

• 21:54Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, we've all done that, Justin.

• 21:57Travis McElroy?

  We all. Hello. Anytime you're elevated above other people in a fashion they did not expect is incumbent on you to stand above them and say hello.

• 22:07Travis McElroy?

  Greeting subjects.

• 22:09Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 22:09Griffin McElroy?

  If you don't, it's rude.

• 22:11Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 22:11Griffin McElroy?

  It's rude otherwise. What do you? I saw you up there. You just glanced down at me. Well, you think I'm some sort of worm or bug?

• 22:17Travis McElroy?

  Pretend to be a little king for a second.

• 22:19Griffin McElroy?

  Pretend to be a little king for just a minute. It's good.

• 22:21Travis McElroy?

  Can you yell encore?

• 22:23Griffin McElroy?

  You can't yell anything. You can't let it. You can't. You have to hide. You can listen, crack a window, do something, but like, why do you need to be? Why do you need to see it? Why do you need to be closer to it? What is it making it better about it to be closer? That, are you thinking like it's good for him that you've come out and now you're like, now you have an audience? That's good? Cause I, I don't think that's.

• 22:47Travis McElroy?

  He does it for money. You know that, right? This is his job. He can't give it away to you for free.

• 22:53Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 22:53Travis McElroy?

  You understand? Like you, you have to pay for the show. The show stops because you came outside.

• 22:58Griffin McElroy?

  You know, it's, how do you know singing is his job and he makes money for it?

• 23:02Travis McElroy?

  What Justin's saying is when you hear your neighbor singing, go to their front door, slide like a $10 bill underneath. Then you can go out on the balcony and listen all you want to because you paid for the show.

• 23:13Travis McElroy?

  He's saying, okay, I might be, we need to dig in a little bit now because I've probably made an assumption here. For reference, he sings R and B slash soul. To me, if you have chosen a genre.

• 23:26Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 23:26Travis McElroy?

  Then that to me communicates that you're a professional. I, as an amateur singer, will attempt all styles. And in my house, there are no limits. You know, I can sing whatever songs strike my fancy. I don't pick a genre and stick to it. Now, maybe this person just has a more specific music taste, but to me. They're a professional vocal stylist. That's, that's the impression that I get.

• 23:48Griffin McElroy?

  I don't think that's an outrageous leap. I think, I think that that is sound logic, Juice.

• 23:53Travis McElroy?

  It's a shame that we used Phantom of the Opera for the trombone question recently. Because this would be a nod, if you were to slink out onto your balcony like it was a box seat in the opera in full Phantom or Galia and, and you were to shout something like, sing for me, my angel of music. He would have no choice.

• 24:15Travis McElroy?

  I think it's hard Travis. It's like, we'd all would love a Phantom, wouldn't we? We'd all love a Phantom to come sweep us up.

• 24:24Travis McElroy?

  Uh, fan, any fan, the Phantom, any fandom, just everybody wants a Phantom to root for him and say, your talent, I want to kill you because I love it so much. You know what I mean? Everyone's that. I, I dream that eventually I'll do a podcast about dragons so good that someone will come and say, I'm gonna, I'm gonna hawk.

• 24:44Griffin McElroy?

  Okay. So hold on. I don't think the Phantom of the Opera wanted to kill.

• 24:48Travis McElroy?

  I've seen Phantom of the Opera, the musical and the immersive version mascarade. So be careful.

• 24:57Griffin McElroy?

  So you're saying in Phantom of the Opera, the Phantom gets the opera singer down into the sewers and he's like, well, time to drown you now.

• 25:07Travis McElroy?

  No, she just like, he, I'm be, I'm sort of simplifying the plot for you a little bit. It's more complex.

• 25:13Travis McElroy?

  He definitely wants to kill Raul. That's for sure.

• 25:16Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 25:17Travis McElroy?

  He's willing, like, I don't think he's being extremely cautious regarding Christine's safety.

• 25:24Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 25:25Travis McElroy?

  Right?

• 25:26Griffin McElroy?

  That's fair.

• 25:26Travis McElroy?

  Cause he doesn't have a, a Kroger, a Tesco down there in the sewer. So he's not even thinking, he's like, you're going to come stay with me, angel of music. And I guess God will provide our groceries.

• 25:40Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 25:41Travis McElroy?

  He does have to send the angel of music out.

• 25:43Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. She gets appendicitis act two and it's, he's like, fuck, man.

• 25:47Travis McElroy?

  Now it needs an angel of medicine and has to go capture one of those.

• 25:52Griffin McElroy?

  Or barring that, an angel.

• 25:55Travis McElroy?

  Hey Christine, could you become an angel of DoorDash? Cause Cash is running a little light down here and I would love one of us to pick up a job. And if you want to make this work, and I know you don't, but if you do want to make this work, you've got to start bringing in an income. Cause I can't, the music's not taking off yet. You know that. You know that. You gotta get a job.

• 26:13Griffin McElroy?

  The sandwich from the Jimmy John's is here. On your front porch.

• 26:24Griffin McElroy?

  Do you guys think they'd hire, that felt really good coming out of me? Do you think they would hire me for like a whole run of just like, like?

• 26:31Travis McElroy?

  Only if you introduce yourself that way. Hi, I'm going to McElroy and Phantom stuff comes, feels really good coming out of.

• 26:36Griffin McElroy?

  Really good coming out of me.

• 26:39Travis McElroy?

  I believe it will feel good to ingest and also to expel from myself.

• 26:44Griffin McElroy?

  Uh huh.

• 26:45Travis McElroy?

  Here it comes.

• 26:45Griffin McElroy?

  Billy Zane stuff, musical stuff, whatever you need, I'll get the Phantom out.

• 26:49Travis McElroy?

  Listen, if we're gonna pay for this reboot of Phantom of the Paradise that I want to bankroll, we gotta take a trip to the money zone.

• 26:56Griffin McElroy?

  How many Phantoms are we doing?

• 26:57Travis McElroy?

  I just wanted to get that one in there because that's the only other one I know.

• 27:10Travis McElroy?

  Listen y'all, listen, I love all of our sponsors, obviously because they pay me and I love that. I am a huge fan of Fast Growing Trees, our sponsor this week. I have a fast growing tree in my front yard. That is a flowering beauty. I love it very much. I also have a fast growing tree from Fast Growing Trees. It's a lemon tree that grows in my office and that.

• 27:35Griffin McElroy?

  I've seen that lemon dude, holy shit dude.

• 27:38Travis McElroy?

  Lemon's looking good. I got two apple trees that are doing beautifully. I'm happy to see those guys come back, both from Fast Growing Trees. This fast growing lemon tree has been working on this lemon in my office during the winter with such a little engine that could attitude that I was sure for a while, I thought that that lemon was purely decorative and then.

• 28:00Travis McElroy?

  It got a little sunny out. Boom. Yellow as the sun.

• 28:06Travis McElroy?

  That's how it works. Sucks it up.

• 28:08Travis McElroy?

  I love it.

• 28:09Travis McElroy?

  Sucks up that sunlight.

• 28:11Travis McElroy?

  Did you know that Fast Growing Trees is America's largest and most trusted online nursery with thousands of trees and plants and over 2 million happy customers? They have all the plants your yard or home needs, including fruit trees, privacy trees, flowering trees, shrubs, houseplants. Family trees.

• 28:30Travis McElroy?

  A tree for money.

• 28:32Travis McElroy?

  What? Sorry, what?

• 28:35Travis McElroy?

  It's like privacy tree, a tree for, a tree for money. Uh, sort of like a private, sort of like private dance, private dancer. Uh, dancer for money. It was like, uh, yeah.

• 28:49Travis McElroy?

  They have giving trees. Listen, I'm a huge fan. Um, I'm going to get more from them because I like how fast these trees grow. It's not just the name, it's true.

• 29:02Travis McElroy?

  And now it's just a name, it's trees.

• 29:04Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 29:04Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 29:06Travis McElroy?

  Wow, Justin, you blew my mind.

• 29:09Travis McElroy?

  Thanks, man. Well, now you can blow your wallet at Fast Growing Trees. It's the perfect time to plant. Now you can blow your wallet. Blow your wallet on plants.

• 29:18Travis McElroy?

  Now you can blow your load.

• 29:19Travis McElroy?

  Great. Blow your wallet on plants. Now's the perfect time to plant. They have great deals on spring planting essentials, up to half off on select plants. And listeners to our show get 20% off their first purchase when using code MYBROTHER at checkout. That's fastgrowingtrees.com code MYBROTHER. Offer is valid for a limited time. Terms and conditions may apply.

• 29:42Speaker 04

  Hello?

• 29:42Speaker 05

  Hello, I'm calling on behalf of the Beef and Dairy Network Podcast.

• 29:46Speaker 04

  No, I'm sorry, no sales calls. Goodbye.

• 29:47Speaker 05

  It's a multi-award winning podcast featuring guests such as Ted Danson, Nick Offerman, Josie Long.

• 29:52Speaker 04

  I don't know what a Josie Long is. And anyway, I'm about to take my mother into town to see Phantom of the Opera at last. You are wasting my time and even worse, my mother's time. She only has so much time left. She's 98 years old. She's only expected to live for another 20 or 30 years. Mother, get your shoes on. Yes, the orthopedic ones. I don't want that to carry you home again, do I?

• 30:11Speaker 05

  Right. Well, if you were looking for a podcast.

• 30:12Speaker 04

  Mother, you're not wearing that, are you? It's very revealing, mother. This is musical theatre, not a Parisian bordello.

• 30:18Speaker 05

  Simply go to maximumfun.org.

• 30:21Speaker 04

  I'm reaching for my Samsung Galaxy 4 as we speak. Mother, mother, not that hat.

• 30:27Speaker 06

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• 31:18Travis McElroy?

  I want to munch.

• 31:20Griffin McElroy?

  Squad.

• 31:23Travis McElroy?

  I want to munch.

• 31:25Griffin McElroy?

  Squad.

• 31:28Travis McElroy?

  Welcome to Munch Squad. It's a podcast within a podcast profiling the latest, greatest in brand eating. And my name is Count Donut.

• 31:37Griffin McElroy?

  You've had it pent up, haven't you, Count? You've been ready to roll, dude.

• 31:42Travis McElroy?

  I needed it so bad.

• 31:43Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I can tell, man.

• 31:45Travis McElroy?

  So much wild. Wild things happening in the world of donuts. I've been waiting.

• 31:50Griffin McElroy?

  The cape looks great.

• 31:51Travis McElroy?

  Thank you so much. Well, I've recently upgraded. My friend Nate, he made me this. It's a, it's a cape vault. Stores, stores my cape from Cat Piece. No cat can get in here. This is Count Donut's special bin. Thank you again, Nate, for this great bin. So no cats can piss on this.

• 32:14Griffin McElroy?

  When they do a charity estate auction of all of our sort of goods and memorabilia, I think the Count Donut Cape Vault is gonna bring in a healthy sum.

• 32:24Travis McElroy?

  I will give you guys a secret about this doll, and you must promise not to tell.

• 32:29Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 32:31Griffin McElroy?

  It's a little half cape. It's a half, a half cape.

• 32:34Travis McElroy?

  It's just a dicky.

• 32:35Griffin McElroy?

  It's a dicky cape, yeah, man.

• 32:38Travis McElroy?

  They can't even, don't even want a piece of this guy.

• 32:40Griffin McElroy?

  It's too little, yeah.

• 32:42Travis McElroy?

  Too little to find a piece.

• 32:44Griffin McElroy?

  You sure it's not a regular sized cape for like a very little child, Dracula?

• 32:49Travis McElroy?

  No, there are no children, Draculas. We have standards.

• 32:54Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, cool, man. Don't say, and don't say what the number you think it is. Don't say it.

• 33:00Travis McElroy?

  You won't like it. Let me say this.

• 33:04Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, dude. What's new in the world of donuts?

• 33:11Travis McElroy?

  I dough.

• 33:13Griffin McElroy?

  What?

• 33:14Travis McElroy?

  I dough.

• 33:16Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 33:16Travis McElroy?

  I dough. I wanted to make sure that, that, no, it's not just the accent. Duncan doesn't. It's I dough.

• 33:25Griffin McElroy?

  Just I, letter I.

• 33:27Travis McElroy?

  Duncan pops the question with I dough ring boxes, wedding cake munchkins, and the Vera Wang bridal surprise for National Proposal Day.

• 33:37Griffin McElroy?

  I say if Vera Wang shows up with any kind of donut related material, that will be a surprise indeed.

• 33:42Travis McElroy?

  Duncan is marking the unofficial start of wedding season, a little sweeter, just in time for National Proposal Day. Oops, we missed it. Who cares? The brand is celebrating its new wedding cake munchkins donut treats. And just for the one day only, giving away a limited edition I dough ring box at participating Duncan locations worldwide.

• 34:08Travis McElroy?

  National Proposal Day.

• 34:10Travis McElroy?

  Do you see it?

• 34:11Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I see it now.

• 34:12Travis McElroy?

  National Proposal Day feels like an invention designed to make a large group of people sad. And that group is made up of many different people. You know what I mean? Like you wouldn't be able to nail it down just by guessing.

• 34:28Griffin McElroy?

  If I got proposed to on Proposal Day, I would feel like such an asshole. You're just doing it for the, for the holiday.

• 34:36Travis McElroy?

  But there are also people who would be sad they didn't get proposed to.

• 34:41Griffin McElroy?

  Sure, absolutely.

• 34:42Travis McElroy?

  A proposal day.

• 34:43Griffin McElroy?

  That's right.

• 34:43Travis McElroy?

  It's a bad, it's a bad day. We can all agree. As Duncan, love is always brewing. Well, it's not coffee, so I assume something was brewing in there. Inspired. That's right. I said it. Inspired by a season of proposals bridal showers, bachelorette trips and weddings. The Duncan ring box comes with wedding cake munchkin inside.

• 35:07Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 35:08Travis McElroy?

  For free.

• 35:09Travis McElroy?

  Is there a ring inside that?

• 35:12Travis McElroy?

  It's a glazed blueberry cake donut hole with wedding cake flavored sprinkles. Vulgar, giving guests a fun way to pop the question or celebrate. Life's sweetest moments are rescued themselves from some sort of insulin event that they're having that they need to reverse.

• 35:30Travis McElroy?

  I'll tell you right now, if we could bottle the energy that would happen. The moment you would kneel down in front of your partner, holding this pink box. And open it up and there's a donut hole inside.

• 35:45Griffin McElroy?

  Toxicity, the toxicity of that single, that second, that moment.

• 35:50Travis McElroy?

  You have to hold up the box where it says Duncan on it. You have to make sure they read like, look, read the let, you see this right before I open it. You're looking at it the same as me, right? Okay. Uh, Duncan and Vera Wang is inviting fans to say Ido. To help inspire unforgettable Ido proposals, Duncan and iconic bridal desire Vera Wang.

• 36:15Griffin McElroy?

  Any thoughts on Vera Wang's sort of, I mean, you're a stylish guy.

• 36:18Travis McElroy?

  Yes, well, I know that she is currently serving as Duncan's chief proposal officer.

• 36:23Griffin McElroy?

  Okay. So you don't like keep up necessarily with kind of bridal.

• 36:28Travis McElroy?

  I, I also noticed Duncan there didn't specify marriage proposal. Is Vera Wang making business proposals on Duncan's behalf?

• 36:37Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, she's, she's their business guy now. It's crazy.

• 36:41Griffin McElroy?

  I mean, probably pretty good at it.

• 36:43Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 36:43Griffin McElroy?

  I would assume.

• 36:44Travis McElroy?

  Do you, I want you all to see this. This is wild. Griffin, please read so they know I'm not joking.

• 36:50Griffin McElroy?

  From March 20 to April 3, fans who incorporate the Duncan Ido ring box into their proposal moment can enter the contest. By posting their proposal video on TikTok, Tik, Instagram or TikTok.

• 37:04Travis McElroy?

  It was all TikTok.

• 37:05Griffin McElroy?

  Insta talk tagging at Duncan and at Vera Wang gang and using the hashtag hashtag Duncan Vera Wang contest. That's a lot of business to put on your proposal, man. That's a lot of business.

• 37:20Travis McElroy?

  Oh, it's a lot. It's a lot. You win an incredible trip to Vera Wang's flagship salon in New York or Beverly Hills and Griffin. What is this last little perk?

• 37:31Griffin McElroy?

  As a special finishing touch, Vera Wang will embroider the winner's go to Duncan order inside the gown, ensuring they have something brewed for their big day.

• 37:42Travis McElroy?

  My go to Duncan order is a DoorDash order to a better place.

• 37:49Griffin McElroy?

  It's a begrudging airport, like 6 a.m. only thing open.

• 37:55Travis McElroy?

  I need to eat something to sustain my human body.

• 37:58Travis McElroy?

  My go to Duncan order is I order you to throw me out of here so I am not forced to purchase to continue the celebration. There is a something brewed merch collection.

• 38:13Travis McElroy?

  It's a merch collection with exclusive Vera Wang X Duncan pieces. You know what? Let's take a trip.

• 38:19Travis McElroy?

  This is good because not only is the proposal covered, but outfitting your bridal party is also sworded.

• 38:27Travis McElroy?

  Oh, boy, is that ever sexy.

• 38:31Griffin McElroy?

  It's a Duncan robe.

• 38:33Travis McElroy?

  I do want this glass tumbler. Oh, here's the collection. Oh, they've got monogrammed. Oh, boy.

• 38:41Griffin McElroy?

  Two of their clear beige beverages cheersing. Um, their satin sleeves.

• 38:47Travis McElroy?

  I've got to navigate away from this page before I do some very unfunny, unfunny ordering on here that will take me into some.

• 38:54Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, it's not. We've talked about this before. It's unethical for you to spend Justin's money, Count Donut. You are on his.

• 39:01Travis McElroy?

  It's really good though, guys. Look at the something old, something new, something borrowed, something brewed.

• 39:09Griffin McElroy?

  I feel like this is shit like this, it turns up at your manners on O Street. Like just the weirdest imaginable merch.

• 39:18Travis McElroy?

  This is ephemera.

• 39:20Griffin McElroy?

  This ephemera is going to end up on eBay and it is going to accrue one more dollar in value over the next 50 years.

• 39:27Travis McElroy?

  Getting early. So that's very exciting for them. I hope, uh, I hope they're pleased with what they've done.

• 39:35Travis McElroy?

  Have you ever been married, Count Donut?

• 39:38Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, yeah.

• 39:38Travis McElroy?

  Sorry, what?

• 39:39Travis McElroy?

  Have you ever been married?

• 39:41Travis McElroy?

  Yes.

• 39:44Travis McElroy?

  If you ask me any other questions about it, you will have to go back and delete everything. Just leave it at yes and say, thank you so much.

• 39:52Travis McElroy?

  Thank you so much, Count Donut.

• 39:54Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you so much.

• 39:54Travis McElroy?

  My pleasure. Thank you.

• 39:58Griffin McElroy?

  I feel like when they do these contests and the way you enter the contest is just by tweeting like, sure do you love my Arby's? They still only get like 15 people that go in for it.

• 40:09Travis McElroy?

  Did anybody, did anybody participate in the last, the, the one that we were trying to get people to do last week? Did anybody?

• 40:16Travis McElroy?

  Crust connoisseur.

• 40:18Travis McElroy?

  Crust connoisseur. Yeah, I meant to, but then I didn't. You want it? I'll try. Congrats.

• 40:24Griffin McElroy?

  That'd be a fun arc.

• 40:25Travis McElroy?

  I got fired.

• 40:27Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, yeah.

• 40:28Travis McElroy?

  This is, this is also like, I don't know why they're being extremely busy. Still in, in a munch squad, even in a Dunkin related thing. I just gotta like, they're becoming more of like a merch store than they are a donut place. And they're not even really a donut place by my reasoning, like, uh, it's a banana themed package they're doing. And like they'll sell you a Dunkin banana hammock. Like they'll sell you a Dunkin banana costume.

• 40:59Travis McElroy?

  And an actual hammock.

• 41:00Travis McElroy?

  And an actual hammock, like a banana hammock and a banana hammock.

• 41:04Griffin McElroy?

  A copy of Bananagrams.

• 41:06Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, a copy of Bananagrams.

• 41:07Travis McElroy?

  They're a lifestyle brand is what it is.

• 41:10Travis McElroy?

  It's more of a lifestyle brand. Yeah.

• 41:12Griffin McElroy?

  They're in the fulfillment business.

• 41:14Travis McElroy?

  They are.

• 41:15Griffin McElroy?

  Of everything.

• 41:16Travis McElroy?

  But you gotta act fast with these things because this, see this collection?

• 41:19Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 41:20Travis McElroy?

  It's already, it's like, this is gone. It's over. They're already in Vera Wang now. You can't even get this banana shit. It's already headed to the landfill.

• 41:29Travis McElroy?

  How about another question?

• 41:30Travis McElroy?

  I, yeah, I love this one. I work at my local radio station as the quote news guy. There's currently a box of 24 ice cream drumsticks in my staff room freezer. I do not know to whom they belong and I really want one. Brothers, what can I say on the mic to get whoever owns these things to give me an ice cream treat? That's from missing my mint chip in Manitoba.

• 41:53Travis McElroy?

  Is it still sealed? Do you think we can assume it's still if there's a box? If you say there's a box of 24.

• 41:59Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 42:00Travis McElroy?

  I know. This is such an important distinction, Travis. Like it's an incredibly important distinction.

• 42:05Griffin McElroy?

  I have to imagine it's an individually wrapped scenario. I've never gotten a box.

• 42:10Travis McElroy?

  Sure, sure, sure. But is the box opened yet? This is what it's I 24 drumsticks. I feel like if it was opened, why do you list the number? Cause that information is no longer relevant.

• 42:23Griffin McElroy?

  Right. If it's opened and there's 24 in there, there'd probably be 23, right? If someone opened it and took one, broke the seal, 23, 18 is basically 20 is basically the same number.

• 42:35Travis McElroy?

  You could eat four or five.

• 42:36Griffin McElroy?

  So you could eat four to five of them and probably get by Scott free. If there's only a handful left.

• 42:41Travis McElroy?

  That's really, that really is very applicable to drumsticks. If you have a big box of drumsticks.

• 42:46Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 42:47Travis McElroy?

  And someone comes and eats, there's 24 in there. Someone comes and eats five drumsticks. Like you sit there in a house, five of them. And someone's like, hey, do I need to order drumsticks from the next room? You're gonna look in that box and be like, absolutely not. We gotta fuck a million drumsticks. We basically have infinite drumsticks still, man. You can eat three or four more drumsticks before you're even thinking about replenishment.

• 43:11Griffin McElroy?

  As long as it's above half, you're, you're, you are golden.

• 43:13Travis McElroy?

  Especially if they're consistent flavors and it's not like a mix of like, there's some vanilla, some chocolates. Because if I get down to it, I'm like. Where are all of the chocolate ones, right? Like, that's off putting.

• 43:25Griffin McElroy?

  Now, I will say of all the disciplines of radio station sort of employees and hosts, news is not the the pillar I would want you to be in to say something on the microphone to get a ice cream treat later. There is a certain seriousness to that job and there's obviously very serious things happening all the time and it would be tough to transition from literally any news story about anything that's happening in the world to and in other news, Brian wants a creamy treat.

• 44:00Travis McElroy?

  I mean, if it was easy, they'd take it to a different show, you know?

• 44:04Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. No, I guess that's I guess I'm saying like, can you change jobs? Can you be in? Sports commentators can say whatever the fuck they want, whenever the fuck they want. Because they don't have to say that much stuff. It's like, oh, you've got a back in the blue line and it went in. But like, the rest of the time, they can be like, did you see that new Jurassic World movie? I have I've got some plot holes. I felt like they can just say whatever.

• 44:27Travis McElroy?

  You could just start rambling about it in air like, two balls, one strike. You know, there's still that same box of drumsticks in the freezer and I would love to touch one balls.

• 44:36Griffin McElroy?

  Those are your drumsticks, Bill? Like, yeah.

• 44:39Travis McElroy?

  Are those your and he's out and he's hit by the pitch and he's bleeding. He's bleeding everywhere.

• 44:43Travis McElroy?

  And if you don't call in in the next 20 minutes, I'm gonna eat one of those drumsticks.

• 44:48Travis McElroy?

  They sent an ambulance out. I think he's dying. He's been hit by pitch.

• 44:51Travis McElroy?

  Just like I'm dying from one of those delicious drumsticks.

• 44:55Travis McElroy?

  This is the worst thing I've ever seen in 25 years of professional baseball broadcast.

• 44:58Griffin McElroy?

  The baseball hit him and his whole head came off.

• 45:01Travis McElroy?

  There wasn't a child at the bottom holding his brain in, that's for sure.

• 45:05Travis McElroy?

  There's one thing. There's only one thing I could think of that would help me to erase this terrible memory from my head.

• 45:12Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, man, it's kids day. It's kids day, too, here at the ballpark. That's a shame. Bill, are those your dippy bars or not? Bill?

• 45:21Travis McElroy?

  If only someone would bring me a delicious ice cream treat. I think it would be quite a balm for this troubled soul to just watch a man bleed out at home plate.

• 45:29Travis McElroy?

  Oh, he's walking it off. Fuck!

• 45:31Griffin McElroy?

  He's walking it off.

• 45:32Travis McElroy?

  Now, I'm never gonna get an ice cream treat. Damn it!

• 45:35Griffin McElroy?

  He's alive. Oh, no, he's doing the thing where he's walking off. Everyone's applauding. Big fucking deal.

• 45:42Travis McElroy?

  Sorry for saying that on air. They're asking me to leave.

• 45:45Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I'm being fined.

• 45:46Travis McElroy?

  I'm just gonna take the box with me. Actually, fuck you guys. I don't need this job. I'm a newsman, okay? I don't even know why I got into sports. Just to get some ice cream treats? Fuck the McElroy brothers. What are they thinking?

• 46:02Griffin McElroy?

  This banana ball shit has gone too far. His whole head came off. I thought he was dead. God damn this trickery. Your jokes, it's so funny.

• 46:13Travis McElroy?

  You could, you could use the news to issue a product recall.

• 46:17Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yes.

• 46:18Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, why? There couldn't be any negative ramifications.

• 46:22Travis McElroy?

  No, it's fine. Like, listen, if you got this specific kind of drumstick, this is, hey folks, check your cupboards. We just got this across the, the AP wire. Uh, if you, if you have this specific mint chip, you should call your office and say, throw it out. Just ask whoever's nearby. You know what? I'm gonna go check. That's how serious I'm taking this.

• 46:41Griffin McElroy?

  This recall only applies to my current zip code. And also, it says here, if you're, it says here, if you're a radio man, you're immune to the diseases in the ice cream. So if you're a radio man, a news, radio newsman, it says you can eat the dippy bar.

• 46:58Travis McElroy?

  You don't have to eat them on premises, Griffin. You could, first of all, this radio station, there's probably one person there. It's probably just the, the one person working. So just take them out to your car. Leave them in the cooler that you brought with you.

• 47:11Travis McElroy?

  The perfect crime.

• 47:12Travis McElroy?

  Perfect crime.

• 47:13Travis McElroy?

  Maybe introduce the story like tragedy struck today when newsman Bill got real hungry for the, the ice cream treat. But he was denied by morals, by common decency. Please call in and tell me I can have them, Steve, please.

• 47:32Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I, what'll be sick is when Brian comes to you, it's like, Steve, I would like you to work on a story. I have recently had some drumsticks go missing from the fridge. And I would like you to work on a story about that. And you can say, cause you're the news guy, you can say, you know what? That's gonna be my top priority. And I'm gonna start investigating it right now. And I will not rest until.

• 47:54Griffin McElroy?

  We bust this thing wide open.

• 47:56Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 47:57Travis McElroy?

  First thing I'm gonna do is try to.

• 47:58Travis McElroy?

  Weird, I can't come up with any leads. Weird.

• 48:02Travis McElroy?

  First thing I'm gonna do is I need to get in the head of someone who would commit a terrible crime like this.

• 48:08Travis McElroy?

  Right.

• 48:08Travis McElroy?

  By eating four or five more, I mean, four or five new drumsticks.

• 48:14Travis McElroy?

  If you could bring in another box, if you could bring in another box for me to look at, that would be so helpful. If you bring in another box and leave it in the freezer.

• 48:23Griffin McElroy?

  If you're the only one there, just trash the place on the way out. Grab the whole fucking box, take it home, have a big party, eat them all. Next morning, you get a call like, hey, the radio station's trashed and you say, yeah, it got airheads.

• 48:36Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 48:38Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, Adam Sandler showed up and Brendan Fraser was there and I think Steve Buscemi was.

• 48:43Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, man. He was.

• 48:45Griffin McElroy?

  They had real guns.

• 48:46Travis McElroy?

  Harry Shearer.

• 48:47Griffin McElroy?

  Actual guns and they took all the, they took all the dippy bars and they almost killed me.

• 48:53Travis McElroy?

  Was it Harry Shearer?

• 48:54Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 48:56Travis McElroy?

  It was?

• 48:57Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 48:58Travis McElroy?

  Harry Shearer was the pig in Wayne's World 2, the radio god. That may be what I was thinking.

• 49:05Griffin McElroy?

  Anyway, Michael McKean, uh, that's who you're thinking of.

• 49:09Travis McElroy?

  Thank you.

• 49:10Griffin McElroy?

  You're welcome. You're free. Everyone's free. Thank you. Who else wants to hear us, listeners at home, and here's a text, here's a number that you can text or call. Let us know what other obscure movies from the mid 1990s you would like us to talk about next. Spin the Wheel.

• 49:27Travis McElroy?

  I need some advice on how to get someone to let me ride in their motorcycle sidecar. It's one of my bucket list items that I want to ride in the sidecar of a motorcycle, I assumed. Not on the motorcycle itself, but in the sidecar.

• 49:39Griffin McElroy?

  You've made that abundantly clear.

• 49:40Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, they don't have a motorcycle of their own. They don't know anyone who rides one. They, they need to ingratiate themselves to a group of trustworthy bikers and convince me to take them on a joyride in the sidecar. I'd be willing to bring my own leather goggles and fluttery white scarf. Thanks for your help. Ready for the road in Northern Illinois. Let me help. First, you gotta stop saying stuff like the white scarf and the goggles. You know, that's not right.

• 50:06Griffin McElroy?

  You know, that's not it. That's a joke for us and we appreciate it.

• 50:08Travis McElroy?

  If you say stuff like that or show up in it, they're gonna beat you up.

• 50:12Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. When you drive a car, do you, when you drive a car, do you like to have a piece of tattered cloth whipping you in the face over and over it? Cause whatever you like in a car, they like it on a motorcycle too. And they want to be safe out there and they want to be smart out there.

• 50:27Travis McElroy?

  If you were gonna provide anything yourself, I assume it would be the sidecar.

• 50:32Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 50:32Travis McElroy?

  Because if they have a sidecar already, it's for their whimsical dog companion who's already wearing fun goggles and a scarf.

• 50:40Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 50:41Travis McElroy?

  You don't have an empty, you don't have a sidecar with no one and nothing to put in it.

• 50:47Griffin McElroy?

  Well, I'll say this, if I had a, if I had a bike, I would probably be stoked every time I had the sidecar on there. Cause it's like, now I don't have to balance as good. It's like now it's a tricycle, like they won't say that.

• 50:58Travis McElroy?

  Oh yeah, cause you got more wheels.

• 50:59Griffin McElroy?

  They can say like, yeah, now it's a tricycle. So that's, I prefer.

• 51:02Travis McElroy?

  It shouldn't be easy to take on and off the sidecar, right? I want it pretty firmly affixed on there.

• 51:08Travis McElroy?

  You gotta get it professionally done, I would imagine, yeah, traffic.

• 51:11Travis McElroy?

  Because I don't want it to come loose. I have no steering capability. If I'm in the sidecar and we separate in a whimsical fashion, I've lost all control of the situation.

• 51:20Griffin McElroy?

  You go across the street sign. You split a pole, split a street sign, you go zooming off. Now you're in car, bad news. It's missing a lot of the key functionality that real cars have.

• 51:28Travis McElroy?

  Um, I do want to take issue with one part of this question where you said, I want to ingratiate myself to a group of trustworthy bikers. You're pretty picky for somebody that doesn't know any bikers or anybody with a sidecar. I think that trustworthy bikers aren't just gonna randomly throw strangers into their bikes and zip around town. I think you should be pretty happy with whatever bikers you could kinda secure.

• 51:51Travis McElroy?

  You might even have a better chance at getting someone you know that makes poor decisions to get into motorcycle riding. And buy their own sidecar.

• 52:02Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 52:02Travis McElroy?

  And let you.

• 52:03Griffin McElroy?

  I tell you, this is gonna sound like self-promotion. It's not. Man, I suggest going away. Because they're not gonna check for that shit. If you tuck in the side, they're not checking the sidecar for Tuckers. Definitely not before they hit the road. They're probably so stoked to get out there. They do not want to fall behind all their friends. They are not looking close in there.

• 52:20Travis McElroy?

  Gotta check for Tuckers. If you got a, if you got a sidecar, check for Tuckers.

• 52:24Travis McElroy?

  That should be, that should be the first and last thing you do. Because you could get a Tuckers jump in there after you check the first time.

• 52:32Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, that's how, that's one of the best strats for sure. You don't get to sit up and enjoy it. Is the scarf part of it for you? You'll have to pay someone like a professional if the scarf and goggles is part of it for you. And don't get me wrong, it would be part of it for me. I, I understand the instinct. It's just gonna get your ass beat up.

• 52:50Travis McElroy?

  Once they start going, you can untuck, right? Because by the time they slow down to get you out of there, you've had your ride in the sidecar.

• 52:58Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. I don't know how they all stay together.

• 53:00Travis McElroy?

  Oh, this is answer the Zumba question. A sidecar on the Zamboni.

• 53:05Griffin McElroy?

  Yep.

• 53:06Travis McElroy?

  Shit, that's good, Trav. I gotta be honest with you. That'd be so good. Kids would love that too. What a great reward. We only have detention for kids. We gotta figure out ways of rewarding them.

• 53:16Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 53:16Travis McElroy?

  Well, book it. Do they still do book it?

• 53:19Travis McElroy?

  Only Pizza Hut does book it.

• 53:21Griffin McElroy?

  It's bullshit.

• 53:22Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, the schools outlawed it.

• 53:25Travis McElroy?

  Only books about pizza now.

• 53:27Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, that sucks, man. There's so many, there's so few good pizza based books. That's unfortunate.

• 53:33Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, but I mean, you, if you look, it doesn't have to be, reading is, is essential. I mean, it doesn't have to be a stumbling block, only if you let it.

• 53:42Griffin McElroy?

  There's just no pizza and grapes of wrath.

• 53:45Travis McElroy?

  There could be.

• 53:45Griffin McElroy?

  There's no pizza and grapes of wrath. Okay, so we're talking about editing.

• 53:49Travis McElroy?

  Grape tomatoes of wrath.

• 53:51Travis McElroy?

  Thank you so much for listening to our podcast. My brother, my brother and me, it's called.

• 53:55Griffin McElroy?

  Crave, Crave New, Crave New World.

• 53:56Travis McElroy?

  If we knew how long we'd be doing it, we would have come up with a better name. I assure you. Trust me.

• 54:01Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, yeah.

• 54:02Travis McElroy?

  I promise. We did not have any intention of doing this for 16 odd years, or else we would, definitely would have, we would have worked a little harder on that part.

• 54:10Travis McElroy?

  The dough also rises.

• 54:13Griffin McElroy?

  The crust also rises?

• 54:14Travis McElroy?

  I said the dough.

• 54:16Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't hear.

• 54:16Travis McElroy?

  Cause before, once it's crust, it's not rising anymore.

• 54:19Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, that's a good point. The dough also rises is better. Yeah. Hey, um, thank you to, uh, to, to Montane for these for our theme song, My Life is Better With You. Uh, it's a, it's a great track that, uh, I always put on when I need, uh, just a boost.

• 54:34Travis McElroy?

  Oh, yeah?

• 54:34Griffin McElroy?

  We, we got some new merch in the merch store too. Uh, can I interest you in, um, a 20 make it stick enamel pen? Show your, uh, your intensity this season with, uh,

• 54:46Griffin McElroy?

  Enamel pen based on our classic annual joke of make it stick and 10% of all the merch proceeds this month will be donated to Border Angels. Uh, we got a newsletter too over at bit.ly/macroynewsletter. You can find out about, you know, any events we have coming up, follow our big projects and what have you. And, um, that, that would be cool. Or follow us on YouTube on the McElroy family.

• 55:12Travis McElroy?

  I can't wait till we get our iHeart Awards. I can throw it at the end of the episode.

• 55:17Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, that'll be a good one. Um, I'll tell you, I'm running low on stuff I can chuck. That's not gonna be.

• 55:24Travis McElroy?

  Uh, I got a court year by Marriott key card. I found in my wallet.

• 55:28Griffin McElroy?

  Oh shit. Yeah. I mean, I don't know how much baseball action you could give to that, but if you can't get that shit, yeah. Can you gambit it and stick it into the insulation at the back?

• 55:38Travis McElroy?

  I mean, who, who better than me to gambit it?

• 55:41Griffin McElroy?

  I want you to knock some.

• 55:44Griffin McElroy?

  Take the headphones off because I want you to like really.

• 55:46Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I want it clean.

• 55:47Griffin McElroy?

  I want it clean. And throw it into frame. Don't throw it out of frame.

• 55:51Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, throw it out. They can't, they can't hear us.

• 55:53Griffin McElroy?

  Or the background. Throw it at the back.

• 55:54Travis McElroy?

  Can't hear you into the mic or?

• 55:56Griffin McElroy?

  The background. Throw it into the background. The background.

• 56:01Travis McElroy?

  Noise.

• 56:01Griffin McElroy?

  The background. Back, back. Turn your body. Turn your body. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 56:08Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 56:09Griffin McElroy?

  Hit, hit fresh. Pretty good. That was cool. It made a cool noise.

• 56:14Travis McElroy?

  My name's Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy.

• 56:17Griffin McElroy?

  I'm Griffin McElroy.

• 56:18Travis McElroy?

  This has been my brother, my brother, me kiss your dad square on the lips.

• 56:54Speaker 07

  Maximum fun.

• 56:55Speaker 06

  A worker owned network. Of artist owned shows. Supported directly by you.