King of the 'Burbs w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley to discover the true King of the 'Burbs. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! Do You Wanna See AYG Perform Live in your City? Click Here: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nIJgvAZNftO_J655NLbu_phPt-HvzDj-tfzBt_uWyjI/viewform Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored by: Upgrade your wardrobe and save on @trueclassic at https://trueclassic.com/GARBAGE This Show is sponsored by BetterHelp https://www. BetterHelp.com/GARBAGE Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Hey gang, Kippy here. We're planning the fall leg of the Back on the Block Tour, and if you live in any of the following cities, click the link in the description and let your boys know. We got San Francisco, Portland, Oregon, Seattle, Washington, Burlington, Vermont, Boston, Massachusetts, Atlanta, Georgia, Charlotte, North Carolina, Raleigh, North Carolina, Richmond, Virginia, Baltimore, Maryland, and last but not least, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The boys are coming home and we got a big one. These shows are gonna go quick. Click the link in the description, sign up for tickets. We love ya. See you on the road.

• 0:33Speaker 01

  Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.

• 0:53H. Foley?

  Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?

• 0:58Speaker 03

  You know it.

• 0:59H. Foley?

  It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out if they're good to be classy.

• 1:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:03H. Foley?

  Or if they're just a big old piece of trash.

• 1:05Speaker 03

  Trash, trash, trash.

• 1:06H. Foley?

  I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tooties in a new addition. She's upstairs, she's got a bag of, uh, Razzles.

• 1:13Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:14H. Foley?

  It's candy and it's gum. She can't figure it out. She don't know what the hell she's doing up there. I said it turns into gum, don't swallow it.

• 1:22Speaker 03

  It's stuck in her hair. Just like, what the fuck? She's like the, she's like the girl in the, in the infomercials in black and white. Can't get it right.

• 1:29H. Foley?

  She can't get her head around it.

• 1:30Speaker 03

  She's stuck in the blind.

• 1:31H. Foley?

  She's like, it's candy, it's gum. I'm like, it's both. Save me a couple.

• 1:35Speaker 03

  Hit me.

• 1:36H. Foley?

  My co-host is coming at you from across the table. This is what we call a family episode. It's just the boys, the bozos and the homies. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage. He is an international businessman. He's the king of the burbs, baby. Give it up for everybody's favorite American dad. Kevin James Ryan.

• 1:53Speaker 03

  What up, gang? Shout out to you.

• 1:55H. Foley?

  The new Chevy Chase.

• 1:56Speaker 03

  King of the burbs. Uh, first of all, thanks for tuning in. As always, just make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Could use a couple more reviews over there if you're listening. Bump up the reviews up. Uh, full video available on YouTube and Spotify. Shout out Spotify. Patreon.com/AreYouGarbage, best website in the whole wide world.

• 2:13H. Foley?

  Yep. Check out the Route 66 special that's currently streaming on YouTube.

• 2:18Speaker 03

  Uh-huh.

• 2:18H. Foley?

  On our YouTube page.

• 2:19Speaker 03

  And Quibi.

• 2:22H. Foley?

  Crackle and we got the new card game out, the 2025 edition, the third edition of the Are You Garbage card game, play with your friends, play with your family, find out who's trash and who's not, and come see a live show.

• 2:33Speaker 03

  Yes, come see a live show, uh, we still have, at a little sudden, we, we, we had to cancel the, the March, oh, I'm sorry, April 14th, the Monday show in Pittsburgh.

• 2:43H. Foley?

  In Pittsburgh. We're still coming there Tuesday.

• 2:45Speaker 03

  We're still there Tuesday.

• 2:46H. Foley?

  Sold out.

• 2:46Speaker 03

  Sold out, no big deal.

• 2:47H. Foley?

  Love yous.

• 2:48Speaker 03

  Cleveland, sold out, still a couple of tickets left to the second show there, uh, we unfortunately can't make it, boys are jammed up, uh, we can't make it, but we love yous, we'll make it up to you, and also more dates coming down the road.

• 2:57H. Foley?

  More dates coming down the road.

• 2:58Speaker 03

  Just got the fall dates, we're taking the summer off, Kip is having a goddamn baby, I gotta be home.

• 3:01H. Foley?

  So if you're in Cleveland, you want to see a show, come see that second show, otherwise we're gonna be off for the summer a little.

• 3:06Speaker 03

  Off for the, boys are taking off for the summer, I gotta, I gotta raise a dad, king of the burbs. What I wanted to bring up, uh...

• 3:12H. Foley?

  I wanted to tell you this before you get into that.

• 3:14Speaker 03

  Man, if there's ever been an age folly, what's good for the goose is good for the gander, that just happened. Okay, big guy.

• 3:22H. Foley?

  Luke, hand me my crowbar. You know Bosley's still banging?

• 3:26Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 3:27H. Foley?

  Remember Bosley?

• 3:28Speaker 03

  You want me to get plugs? It looks like they're back better than ever, I'm not getting plugs, dude.

• 3:32H. Foley?

  I just saw the, I can't believe they're still in business, they're killing it.

• 3:35Speaker 03

  I never understood that.

• 3:36H. Foley?

  They're cheap, too.

• 3:37Speaker 03

  They didn't say plugs.

• 3:38H. Foley?

  Yeah, I thought it was they were wigs.

• 3:40Speaker 03

  I, I think it might have been at one point, might have offered you many, uh, many of things, what's a Bosley go for?

• 3:45Speaker 04

  It's a hair transplant technique.

• 3:48Speaker 03

  Get the Bosley.

• 3:50H. Foley?

  It's got real Thai Chi written all over it.

• 3:52Speaker 03

  I can't do it, dude, I've thought of, I think, it's crossed my mind, I've priced it, I've bought it, I've been on Expedia looking to find the turkey.

• 4:00Speaker 04

  Between six and 12 grand.

• 4:02Speaker 03

  That's cheaper than what they go for.

• 4:05H. Foley?

  You don't want the six.

• 4:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 4:07H. Foley?

  That much I know. I, I just saw the commercial and I thought of you, I couldn't believe they're still in business.

• 4:11Speaker 03

  You thought of me.

• 4:12H. Foley?

  That's like Bose stereos, remember the Bose system?

• 4:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, they're still like a leader in technology.

• 4:18H. Foley?

  Pretty cool. Sure, shout out to them, both, Bosley and Bose.

• 4:20Speaker 03

  Oh, man.

• 4:21H. Foley?

  Bose and Bosley, they get them together, huh? Put some speakers in your hair. Cover up that dome with some sub wolfies. Anyway, I apologize.

• 4:30Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 4:31H. Foley?

  Still living off the highs of our razzles.

• 4:34Speaker 03

  Thanks.

• 4:35H. Foley?

  That's a humdinger.

• 4:36Speaker 03

  Saw a hippo on the TV the other day, made me think of you, uh...

• 4:40H. Foley?

  Is that the one where he's pooping in the aquarium?

• 4:42Speaker 03

  That guy, hey, try a bran muffin.

• 4:50H. Foley?

  Play off the oysters Rockefeller.

• 4:52Speaker 03

  Uh, that's one of my favorite things. I've said it before, but this is way before, this is before we ever started. Are you garbage? Me and Foley were down in Philly doing, uh, doing a spot down there at some bad club that was mostly my family. And I guess your family would come out. We had a couple of listeners at the time of the program.

• 5:07H. Foley?

  Shout out to them.

• 5:08Speaker 03

  But we heard, uh, I heard that girl talk to her mom in the most Philly accent ever. She said, hey, mom, remember when we were at the aquarium? And we saw the hippo poop in the water? And I was like, dude, that woman, that girl does not stand a chance.

• 5:21H. Foley?

  She's dead now.

• 5:22Speaker 03

  She's gonna be a, she's gonna be a club risque.

• 5:28Speaker 03

  Speaking of King of the Burbs.

• 5:30H. Foley?

  What do you got for me?

• 5:31Speaker 03

  Uh, as you know, I've been, uh, you know, I've been documenting me being King of the Burbs on Instagram. No big deal. And, you know, I've been in a lot of Home Depots, doing a lot of depot runs.

• 5:42H. Foley?

  Lately, you getting the house ready for the baby?

• 5:44Speaker 03

  Getting the house ready for the baby. They'll, they'll, you know, you gotta get fuck you, you gotta get there, you paint the room. You gotta get out the covers. You gotta get fucking whatever, whatever. You gotta do all that, all that kind of stuff. You gotta get the paint off the hardwood that you spilled. You know, there's a lot, a lot going on. That stuff don't come off. Get a carpet.

• 5:58H. Foley?

  You gotta get a new window through the roller through.

• 6:03Speaker 03

  I got mad, punched a hole in a wall. Gotta get some smack.

• 6:07Speaker 03

  Told my wife, she's annoying.

• 6:09H. Foley?

  Gotta get the dog back from the ASPCA. Threw him in the clink for a couple of days.

• 6:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't like the way he was staring at me, judging my trim work.

• 6:17H. Foley?

  I told you, I remember we go, we only, the Foley's, when you get a pet, you get a pet. That's it. No matter what had, we're not giving away people.

• 6:24Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 6:24H. Foley?

  But in the beginning of our family in the eighties, we got this, uh, we got this Australian Vichela hound, which I told you.

• 6:31Speaker 03

  The hell?

• 6:31H. Foley?

  And we got him out of the ASPCA and I think he was probably like, he was in his teens and dog years. So he was troubled. And man, he was a nightmare.

• 6:41Speaker 03

  Wait, in dog years he was? So he was two?

• 6:43H. Foley?

  Something like that, yeah. He was seasoned. He was bad. He was in a gang.

• 6:48Speaker 03

  Fit right in with your family of degenerates.

• 6:50H. Foley?

  Bad news, biting everybody, nipping, biting, the whole nine yards. You couldn't get him in control. You know, when they do the thing where they're biting the leech and leash? And spinning in a circle? He did that all the time. Crazy. So my dad gave him, gave him back for like 24 hours. I remember when we got him back, man, he was like old Brooksie from Shawshank. He didn't know what to do.

• 7:13H. Foley?

  Tyler.

• 7:14Speaker 03

  Did you ever see those? My neighbor's got one of those Italian jumping dogs. Did you ever see them things?

• 7:18H. Foley?

  The hell is that?

• 7:22H. Foley?

  There's no sense to it. One of those Italian whistling dogs? Hello?

• 7:29Speaker 03

  Your girlfriend, she got a nice ass.

• 7:31H. Foley?

  Just cat, just cat.

• 7:32Speaker 03

  Am I right? It's an Italian Greyhound, yeah. Yeah, but they're called the Italian jumping dude, they're fucking.

• 7:37H. Foley?

  Italian humping dogs.

• 7:39Speaker 03

  It's like they just saw a House of Bane video. These things are jumping around.

• 7:46Speaker 03

  What are you talking about? I mean, they just fucking like, I'll be walking Hans and this one'll, this one'll be coming out of their building and just like he, they just jump and do like 360s and backflips. They're, it's fucking crazy. They're like, remember those little dogs you see at the kiosk in the mall? And then does the backflip?

• 8:04H. Foley?

  Oh, I used to love those.

• 8:05Speaker 03

  It's like that. They're nuts. And there's no like rhythm to it. You know like a, you know how a dog jumps? These things like, they do like endos. They pull their back up like bunny hopping.

• 8:13H. Foley?

  Those Italians are kooky, huh?

• 8:18Speaker 03

  Hey, lay off the espresso, will you?

• 8:22H. Foley?

  This guy had a double Zambuca. Take it easy.

• 8:26Speaker 03

  Um.

• 8:28H. Foley?

  Makes a mean Cacio Pepe though.

• 8:30Speaker 03

  My question is, I don't know if it's cultural, if it's like area wise or just like, you know, kinda culturally, the, the, why is it Home Depot over Lowe's and it's not even a question? Why is that?

• 8:41H. Foley?

  I don't know.

• 8:42Speaker 03

  It's Home Depot over Lowe's, always has been, always will be. You run to Lowe's in a pinch maybe if it's proximity? It's the same. It's the same. It is the same.

• 8:53H. Foley?

  They don't got that hot dog joint out front.

• 8:54Speaker 03

  Rocco's. Uh huh. Yeah. Very familiar with Rocco's.

• 8:59H. Foley?

  I don't know. Now, all I can speak is from the greater Philadelphia area, the tri-state area, as Jim Gardner used to so elegantly put.

• 9:06Speaker 03

  One second. You give me a total number of Lowe's and a total number of Home Depots, please. I want that on my desk by the end of the episode.

• 9:12H. Foley?

  It's gotta be nothing. It's gotta be no content.

• 9:15Speaker 03

  Pretty close, man. Home Depot's gotta be killing them. Don Pollock, or what were you saying? Don Pollock, that's from Ed Bassmaster, who I love, by the way. I don't know, for whatever reason, that Ed Badma- Badma- Bassmaster-

• 9:28H. Foley?

  Don Pollock's my godfather, he just told me. Pterodactyl escaped from the Philly Zoo, ate a toddler on Market Street.

• 9:36Speaker 03

  It's his godfather and not his uncle, it's so Philly trash, it's so perfect. Don Pollock.

• 9:43H. Foley?

  Um, all I can speak is from the, from, from, you know, the suburbs of Philadelphia.

• 9:47Speaker 03

  Home Depot was there first.

• 9:48H. Foley?

  Home Deep Lowe's, I mean, what, get out of here. Uh, it was Heckinger's and Sears, when Sears was really popping back in the day. Excuse me, and then Home Depot came in, and it was a natural progression from Heckinger's to, oh, you got a Home Depot now.

• 10:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, I remember, yeah.

• 10:08H. Foley?

  I don't even know if there's a Lowe's in that area, maybe there is, I don't know anybody that goes there, you go to Home Depot.

• 10:13Speaker 03

  Well, growing up, my dad, we would go to Home Depot, and then my stepmom would go to Lowe's, so that was just where broads went to me.

• 10:19H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 10:20Speaker 03

  That was like, you know, home, it's not, but it was like, it just, it was like home improvement for like, with the broads.

• 10:27H. Foley?

  I think the orange sells it.

• 10:29Speaker 03

  What do you, because that seems constructiony, or maybe you're already, you're just doing that because it's, that's what you think of Home Depot, chicken or the egg type thing.

• 10:35H. Foley?

  Very true.

• 10:36Speaker 03

  What do you got?

• 10:37Speaker 04

  Lowe's was open first.

• 10:38Speaker 03

  What?

• 10:38Speaker 04

  In 1929, Home Depot didn't open until 1978, there are-

• 10:42H. Foley?

  Wow.

• 10:43Speaker 03

  Fifty years on them.

• 10:44Speaker 04

  In the US, there are 2,025 Home Depots, and in the US, for Lowe's, 1,748.

• 10:52H. Foley?

  Double.

• 10:52Speaker 04

  No.

• 10:53Speaker 03

  What?

• 10:54Speaker 04

  Two, 250 off.

• 10:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, by 300 or something.

• 10:56H. Foley?

  Oh, okay.

• 10:57Speaker 03

  That's not that much.

• 10:59H. Foley?

  No.

• 10:59Speaker 03

  That's like, we would, I couldn't, I can't go, there's 300 less.

• 11:02H. Foley?

  You brought up a point. Home Depot, that's where Patty would go for her, um, home improvements that she was doing and stuff like that, but when I worked for that general contractor-

• 11:14Speaker 03

  He went to the depot.

• 11:16H. Foley?

  Everybody went to the depot.

• 11:18Speaker 03

  On the job sites, we would say, yo, I'm running, like, we, we were the plumbers, right?

• 11:22H. Foley?

  I'm running a Lowe's.

• 11:23Speaker 03

  They would run over.

• 11:24H. Foley?

  What?

• 11:24Speaker 03

  They'd go, yo, I'm, like, you know, the G, the GC or the carpenters, but yo, I'm running the depot, anybody need anything, like, ah, yeah, we need, you know, I don't know, some of them Italian sausages.

• 11:34Speaker 03

  Hey, Dan, you're fat, won't like sausages, right?

• 11:37H. Foley?

  Yeah, that would have been weird if you went to Lowe's.

• 11:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:42H. Foley?

  Drinking Pepsi in the winter.

• 11:42Speaker 03

  I think you still say I'm running to the depot, but you go to like, if you were going to Lowe's, you still say I'm running to the depot.

• 11:48H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 11:49Speaker 03

  And you throw the bags out before you get there.

• 11:50H. Foley?

  That was always the thing. They didn't have it at Home Depot. I had to go to Lowe's.

• 11:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't understand.

• 11:56H. Foley?

  That's where you pick up a Ryobi.

• 11:58Speaker 03

  It's very, yeah, Ryobis.

• 12:01Speaker 03

  We're a fucking Milwaukee or the Walt family.

• 12:05H. Foley?

  Goddamn Japanese drill, beat it.

• 12:07Speaker 03

  I think Ryobi, I think Ryobi did get pretty good though.

• 12:10H. Foley?

  I'm sure.

• 12:10Speaker 03

  For whatever I'm doing. Um, but you wanted, you wanted to fucking, you wanted to break out the European, you go Bosch. I'll get a Bosch gun, really blow your tits off with that.

• 12:20H. Foley?

  Goes the other way.

• 12:22Speaker 03

  Drives on the wrong side of the road, that guy. Um, but yeah, it's just very like, I, when I say I'm going to the hardware, I just like innately go, I probably drive by, I think I drive by a Lowe's to get to a depot.

• 12:35H. Foley?

  Home Depot smells better. More, more sawdusty.

• 12:39Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm. And I'm also a guy, and someone called me out in the comments. They were like, you seem like the guy who will not ask for help, but will look to see what aisle and bin it's in. That's what I do.

• 12:49H. Foley?

  Yeah, they don't know. All that shit in the commercial. They, there's no expert.

• 12:53Speaker 03

  I had to ask the same old lady.

• 12:55H. Foley?

  You ever tried?

• 12:55Speaker 03

  I have family members that work at, that work there in the, in the sections. We don't, we don't talk to, we see them when I go to the other aisle.

• 13:02H. Foley?

  You ever ask somebody at the, at the paint section at Home Depot about something else outside of it?

• 13:07Speaker 03

  Well, the paint section at the Home Depot.

• 13:08H. Foley?

  It's like they don't speak English.

• 13:10Speaker 03

  That's like the fragrance people at a Macy's. That's, they're, they're fucking separate.

• 13:14H. Foley?

  It's like an enemence counter.

• 13:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, exactly.

• 13:16H. Foley?

  I don't, I don't really work there.

• 13:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't, sorry. I don't work, Home Depot, fucking M A B pays my bills everywhere.

• 13:23H. Foley?

  They don't want it. I don't know. You gotta ask some meth head walking around. They don't know where nothing is.

• 13:31Speaker 03

  I don't know. I had, I asked three times. Cause I come, I didn't have service to look on my phone, cause I'm a little baby girl.

• 13:36H. Foley?

  Either they don't know where anything is, or you're asking them about something that's right in front of your face. So either way, you look like an asshole, or they don't know.

• 13:45Speaker 03

  To be honest, they asked this old lady. Old is, I mean, like, she's seventy years old. Old, tiny old lady working there.

• 13:52H. Foley?

  It's not that old.

• 13:53Speaker 03

  It's not young. So that's old in the workforce.

• 13:56H. Foley?

  Depends how you look at it.

• 13:57Speaker 03

  I'm looking at it as a employee. That's an old employee.

• 14:00H. Foley?

  I'll be seventy in twenty years.

• 14:02Speaker 03

  You're not making it twenty years.

• 14:05H. Foley?

  I would have been seventy.

• 14:05Speaker 03

  I'll be burying you at a Home Depot. What are you talking about? Um, she knew where everything was.

• 14:11H. Foley?

  Better not use one by three, I'll tell you that. Snapped out like a twig.

• 14:16Speaker 03

  Better put some rebar in that thing.

• 14:20H. Foley?

  The first concrete casket.

• 14:22Speaker 03

  Oh, one thing I wanted to tell you about, we got a fox.

• 14:25H. Foley?

  What?

• 14:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, I had to put up some chicken wire this past weekend.

• 14:28H. Foley?

  Oh, in the house you have a fox?

• 14:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, where did you think I had a fox?

• 14:31H. Foley?

  I don't know.

• 14:32Speaker 03

  I felt real handy. That was very nice. King of the burbs.

• 14:35H. Foley?

  Chicken wire?

• 14:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:37H. Foley?

  Where? Around the fencing?

• 14:39Speaker 03

  From the fence, so I have a shed that's empty. I don't have anything to put in. I don't own enough stuff to put in the shed. It's just what the guy who lived there left in there. Uh, and a fox, a pretty big fox. And it's not, I don't think, and it's for Hans, it's not to keep the fox out. It's to prevent Hans from going under, because he had his head halfway under the thing looking.

• 14:59H. Foley?

  Oh wait, the fox is underneath the...

• 15:01Speaker 03

  He ran, he was in the backyard, he ran under the shed. I don't know if he lives under there or that's just his escape route.

• 15:04H. Foley?

  He probably lives under there, probably has a baby under there, because it's the springtime.

• 15:08Speaker 03

  Okay. Who are you, fucking Steve Irwin all of a sudden? Jack Hannah?

• 15:13H. Foley?

  Big Fox?

• 15:14Speaker 03

  What?

• 15:15H. Foley?

  Who would win in a fight?

• 15:15Speaker 03

  That would be my nickname, yeah, Big Fox.

• 15:19Speaker 03

  Thanks for asking. Yeah, I'm Big Fox.

• 15:22H. Foley?

  Who would win in a fight?

• 15:24Speaker 03

  Hans.

• 15:24H. Foley?

  You think?

• 15:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think, I think by default, foxes are timid animals.

• 15:31Speaker 04

  Foxes, only anything under fifteen pounds will be at risk. Dogs, wise.

• 15:36H. Foley?

  Oh yeah?

• 15:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, Hans is fifty pounds. Hans, and I don't know if you've seen him, he's got a bit of an attitude problem.

• 15:42H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 15:42Speaker 03

  He's looking, dude.

• 15:44H. Foley?

  He's getting crazier about a minute.

• 15:45Speaker 03

  He's not running, he's, he's, you know.

• 15:48H. Foley?

  Looking for trouble.

• 15:49Speaker 03

  He's putting his head under something, he ain't never seen.

• 15:50H. Foley?

  I wouldn't want the fox to bite him, or him to bite the fox, or whatever.

• 15:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's why I put up chicken wire.

• 15:56H. Foley?

  So now you have the fox trapped in the thing?

• 15:58Speaker 03

  No, he can get out the back.

• 16:00H. Foley?

  Oh, you put it like along the, you put it across the yard?

• 16:05Speaker 03

  No, across my, I don't care if he comes in the yard.

• 16:07H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 16:08Speaker 03

  I don't understand what you're not getting here. I didn't want Hans going under the shed.

• 16:13H. Foley?

  Right.

• 16:13Speaker 03

  So I blocked the front of the shed from Hans being able to get under it.

• 16:17H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 16:17Speaker 03

  With chicken wire.

• 16:19H. Foley?

  But how does the fox get out?

• 16:20Speaker 03

  He can get out the back or the sides.

• 16:22H. Foley?

  Is there holes underneath there?

• 16:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, obviously.

• 16:24H. Foley?

  So Hans can't get to the side of the back?

• 16:26Speaker 03

  No. It's just the front of the fence is in... the front of the shed is in the fence.

• 16:31H. Foley?

  Oh, okay, I got you.

• 16:32Speaker 03

  The back and sides of the shed are outside of our fence.

• 16:36H. Foley?

  No kidding?

• 16:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:37H. Foley?

  That's weird. Huh, alright.

• 16:39Speaker 03

  I don't know, I didn't put it there.

• 16:40H. Foley?

  Alright, cool. So the fox can't get in the yard?

• 16:43Speaker 03

  Just said that.

• 16:44H. Foley?

  And can't get in... okay, I got it.

• 16:47Speaker 03

  You sure?

• 16:48H. Foley?

  Yeah. Home Depot.

• 16:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, what the fuck?

• 16:51H. Foley?

  Okay, let's talk about True Classics, baby.

• 16:53Speaker 03

  Shout out to True Classics.

• 16:54H. Foley?

  Gang, you know them, you love them, we wear them, we love them, we're talking about True Classics. And always remember that True Classics has one mission, to make sure you guys look good and feel even better. And boy, did they nail the fit. And the price across the entire wardrobe was actually fantastic. And we're not just talking about tees, we're talking about hoodies, talking about jeans, talking about activewear. Everything you need to upgrade your everyday style, True Classics has ready for you. And also, True Classics, this isn't about great clothes, their brand DNA is built in being highly intentional in everything they do, from creating highly quality essentials, to making folks laugh with their hilarious ads, to delivering Ritz-Carlton level

• 17:36Speaker 03

  White cloth service!

• 17:37H. Foley?

  Customer service! And giving back to the communities they believe in. Every detail is done in this proper.

• 17:44Speaker 03

  Yes, and I've been wearing True Classics for a while now, well before they were a sponsor, I got into them because I liked the way they fit.

• 17:50H. Foley?

  Turn me on, I got a pair of their undies right now.

• 17:52Speaker 03

  From the first piece I put on, I knew it was for me. Built a little big around the midsection, tighter, snug where you want it, relaxed where you need it. No weird bunchy, no awkward tight spots, just clean effortless fit that works. Forget overpriced designer nonsense, skip the cheap throwaways, True Classic delivers premium essentials built for real life. Grab yours at Target or Costco, or head to trueclassic.com/garbage to get hooked up today. Do it!

• 18:17H. Foley?

  Gang, this show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Mm-hmm. As you know, Uncle Hank has started the, uh, the long process of his mental health journey, and BetterHelp is a fantastic place to start if you're thinking about getting your shit together, if you know what I mean. Mm-hmm. And also, too, I got serious things. It doesn't have to be that serious. It could just be something that you want to talk through with somebody, and you want to do it from the privacy of your own home. Do yourself a favor, BetterHelp can help. Whether you gotta get something off your chest, or it's something that's been bothering you for a long time, license therapists from the privacy of your own home, and they'll probably have a specialist that you don't have in your area. It's absolutely fantastic, and if you're trying to get your shit together a little bit, do it, because BetterHelp can honestly help you.

• 18:57Speaker 03

  Yeah. Traditional in-person therapy can cost anywhere from $100 to $250 per session, which adds up fast, but with BetterHelp online therapy, you can save an average of up to 50% per session. You pay a flat fee for weekly sessions, saving you big costs and on time. Therapy should feel accessible, not like a luxury. With online therapy, it takes the quality, care, price, and that makes sense, and, uh, you can get anything from anxiety to everyday stress. So, uh, your well-being is worth it. Visit betterhelp.com/garbage to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P, dot com slash garbage. Do it. That's like the crux of our relationship. I'll explain something that I've done, and you take it the wrong way.

• 19:36H. Foley?

  I wasn't thinking that, I wasn't thinking that it was like that, that the fence went like...

• 19:40Speaker 03

  I understand, but...

• 19:40H. Foley?

  Who the fuck has their shed?

• 19:41Speaker 03

  I don't know, but I gave you, I gave you the fact...

• 19:43H. Foley?

  Halfway in the yard and halfway out the yard.

• 19:44Speaker 03

  I gave you the facts of he can't get in and he can't get out.

• 19:46H. Foley?

  That's crazy.

• 19:47Speaker 03

  It's not halfway, and it's not even in the yard.

• 19:48H. Foley?

  That's crazy.

• 19:49Speaker 03

  Okay, I didn't put it in. I don't know what to tell you.

• 19:51H. Foley?

  You should push the fence back and get the shed in the yard.

• 19:54Speaker 03

  I told you about the chicken wire. I want to get rid of the shed. I don't need that, but there's animals that live under there, so I let them stay there.

• 20:01H. Foley?

  That's nice.

• 20:01Speaker 03

  I don't know if my property goes back that far.

• 20:07Speaker 03

  They'll take the shed, is that what I just heard?

• 20:08H. Foley?

  Take the shed.

• 20:09Speaker 03

  And put it where? Like, dude, see, this is, we get into, we get into situations where he just says, "I'll do stuff,"

• 20:16H. Foley?

  Maybe Patty wants it.

• 20:17Speaker 03

  Just to kind of relatively make me look bad.

• 20:19H. Foley?

  Maybe Patty wants it.

• 20:20Speaker 03

  You know what I mean? Like, "Oh, you don't want it? I'll take it." Patty wants it, you don't have, your whole backyard is a deck. Your whole backyard is an above ground pool.

• 20:27H. Foley?

  Put it on the side of the house. She has a Rubbermaid shed.

• 20:30Speaker 03

  You have a garage.

• 20:31H. Foley?

  She has a Rubbermaid shed on the side. We'll get rid of that and put the big shed in there. Keep the fox too. I like them.

• 20:37Speaker 03

  There used to be a groundhog or a gopher under there. I don't know what happened to him.

• 20:40H. Foley?

  My neighbor's got a groundhog that's been living under there for about 40 years.

• 20:45Speaker 03

  No, I think they only live like seven or eight years.

• 20:46H. Foley?

  Big one.

• 20:47Speaker 03

  I looked it up.

• 20:47H. Foley?

  Yeah, groundhogs?

• 20:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, cuz we were like, I was like, oh, this groundhog's probably been there for like 100 years. And we looked it up that lived like five, six, seven, eight years.

• 20:53H. Foley?

  Really?

• 20:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:54Speaker 04

  Two to three years.

• 20:55Speaker 03

  Is that what it is?

• 20:56H. Foley?

  Two to three years? What are they drinking? That's crazy. How does it, two years?

• 21:03Speaker 04

  They can make it to six. That's the latest.

• 21:05Speaker 03

  I told you.

• 21:07H. Foley?

  I wonder what gets them.

• 21:08Speaker 03

  What?

• 21:10H. Foley?

  What the hell was, what does a groundhog die of?

• 21:11Speaker 03

  Helicopter crashing. What do you think?

• 21:15Speaker 03

  They're living under sheds.

• 21:17H. Foley?

  That's crazy. What, what does a groundhog usually die of?

• 21:21Speaker 03

  Eight.

• 21:22H. Foley?

  What does he usually die of?

• 21:24Speaker 04

  Cause of death.

• 21:26Speaker 03

  I mean, don't, let him look it up. You like pull back like we're hitting commercial break.

• 21:33H. Foley?

  That's crazy. Two or three years, that's it? Damn. I thought at least 15 years. They get big.

• 21:43Speaker 03

  Motherfucker go to college.

• 21:44H. Foley?

  Back on the weight, quick. Holy shit.

• 21:48Speaker 04

  Predators, disease, parasites, accidents like cars, hibernation complications.

• 21:56H. Foley?

  Hibernation.

• 21:56Speaker 03

  Bill Murray explosions.

• 22:02H. Foley?

  Groundskeepers. Alright, shit. Wow, that's crazy. So I guess that's a different one that moves into the shed and, and my mom's backyard.

• 22:10Speaker 03

  Maybe you guys are all fucked up.

• 22:11H. Foley?

  I thought it was the same guy.

• 22:12Speaker 03

  It could be a local homeless man and you guys just don't know.

• 22:17H. Foley?

  Man, he's legendary.

• 22:20Speaker 03

  It's not him. I don't know what to tell you.

• 22:22H. Foley?

  It's a copycat impersonator. That's nuts. We have fox in the backyard too. I love them. As long as they don't get rabid or anything like that.

• 22:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's the problem.

• 22:32H. Foley?

  Then they're catching the nickel.

• 22:35Speaker 03

  I don't do for a second.

• 22:37H. Foley?

  Yeah, rabies scares me.

• 22:39Speaker 03

  So you think?

• 22:40H. Foley?

  Dude. Cuz you shoot them and they're still staggering around like zombies.

• 22:45Speaker 03

  It's like Con Air. Takes one in the chest and keeps coming for the cockpit.

• 22:51H. Foley?

  You gotta put them down. Man, uh-uh, I don't like that. But a cute little, a cute little fox, like a mom fox and, and, and the kids? Cause they stay together for a while. And they're, they have like a little family unit.

• 23:04Speaker 03

  How, how old's a fo-, how long's a fox last?

• 23:07H. Foley?

  Oh, they don't make it.

• 23:08Speaker 03

  No, you're saying they stay together.

• 23:09H. Foley?

  They're like Aunt Baby.

• 23:11Speaker 03

  She would've never have made it.

• 23:12H. Foley?

  They don't make it.

• 23:13Speaker 04

  Three to four years.

• 23:14H. Foley?

  Yeah. Alright, there you go.

• 23:15Speaker 03

  That's not that long, three to four years.

• 23:17H. Foley?

  Better than two or three with the groundhog and the parasites. Jesus. No, but they stay as a family unit, I think, for a little bit. It's always cute in the spring down at Patty's, cause the little, the, the animals all have the babies. And there'll be like a little nest of rabbits.

• 23:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, they're looking for grass. You guys killed it all, put down wooden planks. These guys got nowhere to live. Talk about ruining a habitat. It's like you guys are, you guys are torching of rainforest down there. Displacing the weebles and shit.

• 23:45H. Foley?

  Making palm oil. Now, we have a hu-

• 23:48Speaker 03

  Digging the Panama out.

• 23:51H. Foley?

  We have a huge, uh, tuft of, of, uh, woods in the back, where they all live. There's deer running around. There's goddamn deer, they're in the driveway. They're running around, but the fox and stuff, they live, there's a huge set of bushes between the, the lady-

• 24:04Speaker 03

  Between her legs.

• 24:07H. Foley?

  Between the lady that lives over there, then there's the, um, my ma-

• 24:10Speaker 03

  I, listen, I've been, I've been to this house many, a handful of times, no.

• 24:13H. Foley?

  There's an area back there.

• 24:14Speaker 03

  I don't get it. There's a house behind his house.

• 24:17H. Foley?

  House behind whose house?

• 24:18Speaker 03

  Your house. Your house is in someone's front yard. Right?

• 24:23H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 24:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:24H. Foley?

  It's off to the side. They're more, they're in our backyard, really.

• 24:28Speaker 03

  It's their front yard.

• 24:30H. Foley?

  Kinda. It's a front field.

• 24:32Speaker 03

  It's yard. It's not a field.

• 24:34H. Foley?

  There's crops back, up there.

• 24:36Speaker 03

  Crops?

• 24:36H. Foley?

  Corn. They grow corn. And soy. Cattle.

• 24:42H. Foley?

  On the north forest. It's a groundhog farm. I don't know what you're talking about. That's nice though, maybe you have a little, that, that, that hellhound will get him though. If he gets his hands on one of those baby fox, it's bad. They scream too. You don't wanna hear that in the middle of the night. You'll think it's a banshee coming to get ya. Those things scream, like an infant child. Scary.

• 25:05Speaker 03

  Alright.

• 25:07H. Foley?

  That's no good. Telling ya.

• 25:09Speaker 03

  No, what's no good? You do what my wife does.

• 25:12H. Foley?

  If they're screaming.

• 25:15Speaker 03

  You're the king of like, I tell you a problem and tell you how I fix it. You gotta take care of that. You gotta, you gotta get on that.

• 25:20H. Foley?

  I don't think you've completely fixed it.

• 25:23Speaker 03

  Why didn't I completely fix it?

• 25:24H. Foley?

  Because the fox is still under there, maybe with the family.

• 25:27Speaker 03

  Okay, so what am I supposed to do? Just place the fox? That's not, you were not gonna, yeah. So what do I do?

• 25:32H. Foley?

  Put some cabbage out or something for him.

• 25:34Speaker 03

  What?

• 25:35H. Foley?

  I don't know, leave a riddle for him to solve.

• 25:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, you don't know. You're, you're the king of thinking, I haven't solved the problem correctly.

• 25:42H. Foley?

  You have woods behind you, right? There's no streets behind you.

• 25:45Speaker 03

  There's woods behind me. There's streets behind, there's a lot behind me. I'm not living in anyone's front yard, I'll tell you that much. Fucking breaking my stones, fox or no fox. You're, you're living on a guy's property.

• 25:56H. Foley?

  Nuh-uh.

• 25:56Speaker 03

  What?

• 25:58H. Foley?

  They moved in after us. That was all woods back there.

• 26:03H. Foley?

  And we sold off some land.

• 26:04Speaker 03

  No, you didn't.

• 26:06H. Foley?

  You're renting.

• 26:09Speaker 03

  Share cropping. Fucking Vandy patch over here. Vandy truck. I wouldn't live in your front yard if you gave it to me as a gift.

• 26:19H. Foley?

  For the pipeline.

• 26:22Speaker 03

  For an above-ground pool.

• 26:25H. Foley?

  Alright. So you got a fox, huh?

• 26:28Speaker 03

  Shout out to Lowe's.

• 26:30H. Foley?

  Shout out to Lowe's. So that's where you went, was Lowe's?

• 26:33Speaker 03

  No, I was at Depot guy. But I go back, I forgot something.

• 26:36H. Foley?

  How's your chicken wire game?

• 26:38Speaker 03

  Pretty good. I'm pretty proud of it.

• 26:40H. Foley?

  What'd you put it up there? So you can't get into the, you can't get into the shed now, cause you, you blocked off the front door? You just put a little down at the bottom, like molding?

• 26:49Speaker 03

  Kind of. No, I went two, I got two foot.

• 26:53H. Foley?

  So you, how can you open the door?

• 26:54Speaker 03

  I didn't put it in front of the door.

• 26:58Speaker 03

  See, you, see, this is-

• 26:59H. Foley?

  That doesn't make any sense.

• 27:00Speaker 03

  You don't wanna believe me. Alright, so why don't you just go, why don't you just take my word for it, instead of trying to prove me wrong that I didn't do this correctly?

• 27:07H. Foley?

  I think you're an idiot, that's why.

• 27:09Speaker 03

  This is everything.

• 27:10H. Foley?

  If I'm speaking frankly, I don't think you know what the hell you're doing. Quite honestly.

• 27:15Speaker 03

  I don't even think you've seen a fox. It was Hans. Holy shit!

• 27:23H. Foley?

  What'd you put it up there with?

• 27:25Speaker 03

  I had those, um...

• 27:27H. Foley?

  Ah, you idiot. I don't even know, don't finish the sentence. That's coming off.

• 27:34H. Foley?

  You moron.

• 27:36Speaker 03

  Guy in the wrong chicken wire. Look, you believe this guy? Starts a car, let's go to Home Depot, let's solve this problem for this guy.

• 27:43H. Foley?

  Did you tack it up?

• 27:44Speaker 03

  Uh, I used, uh, those like double, they're like you nails, kind of.

• 27:48H. Foley?

  Oh, those are good.

• 27:49Speaker 03

  Thank you!

• 27:51H. Foley?

  Those are good.

• 27:51Speaker 03

  They don't go in as well as I thought they-

• 27:53H. Foley?

  You probably could've just stapled them with a, with a heavy staple gun.

• 27:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, buy a staple gun.

• 27:58H. Foley?

  Yeah, you should have one anyway, for the house.

• 27:59Speaker 03

  Oh, I shouldn't.

• 28:00H. Foley?

  What?

• 28:00Speaker 03

  I've never, I've never used one in my life.

• 28:02H. Foley?

  Oh, we always had a staple gun.

• 28:04Speaker 03

  For what?

• 28:05H. Foley?

  Shooting each other.

• 28:07Speaker 03

  Shooting the neighbors that live in the backyard.

• 28:10H. Foley?

  Uh, no, we used a staple gun for the trains. To put down the, the green stuff for the trains. I'm not sure my mom used it for other shit. But, as far as I was concerned, it was just for- Put, what, a booger?

• 28:22Speaker 03

  Probably had to let your underwear out with it.

• 28:28H. Foley?

  What, my Frankenstein?

• 28:31H. Foley?

  Stapled underwear?

• 28:36Speaker 03

  Reinforce your grundle.

• 28:40H. Foley?

  Whew, one of those things pop.

• 28:41Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 28:42H. Foley?

  Oh, scratch it.

• 28:42Speaker 03

  You'd catch a leaker.

• 28:46H. Foley?

  I can give me tetanus on my, on my taint. I don't think so. No, shouldn't do that. By the way, just so you know.

• 28:56Speaker 03

  There's a ramp leading up to the shed. Not a ramp, like, uh, yeah, a ramp.

• 28:59H. Foley?

  So you had to do two pieces?

• 29:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:02H. Foley?

  Whoa.

• 29:02Speaker 03

  And man, I gotta-

• 29:03H. Foley?

  You got a ramp, cause you could get a mower.

• 29:04Speaker 03

  Drive a Lionel up your ass.

• 29:06H. Foley?

  Yeah. No, so you could put the mower in there.

• 29:08Speaker 03

  That's where you kept the mower in there, or a wheelbarrow, or as you, I don't know. I don't have anything to put in there. I got no, I don't own enough stuff to fill it.

• 29:14H. Foley?

  Maybe I'll get you a lawnmower.

• 29:16Speaker 03

  No, stop buying me stuff. I've never asked you for anything. I don't need a lawnmower.

• 29:21H. Foley?

  Didn't I have a sick lawnmower in there? You cut the gr- you got the kid now, you cut the grass.

• 29:26Speaker 03

  I got a guy who cuts the grass.

• 29:27H. Foley?

  You save a couple of bucks, plus it gives you something to family to do.

• 29:30Speaker 03

  I got lawn guy who I've never talked to, he just cuts my, I've never met him, never talked to him, he just cuts-

• 29:34H. Foley?

  Well, you can change that. You could be out in the backyard cutting the grass, so my dad used to do it, and then we'd be like-

• 29:39Speaker 03

  Look where he is now. I don't want that, now, don't put that on me.

• 29:42H. Foley?

  He's dead?

• 29:42Speaker 03

  I know. Neighbor probably killed him, he cut in his front yard. But uh, it was a bad look. I was uh, I am relatively, I'm not handy. Ra- enough. I need, I'm pretty handy if I can get in the

• 29:58H. Foley?

  We know.

• 29:58Speaker 03

  of rhythm of doing stuff. You know what I mean? But like, if I had to hang chicken wire on eighty, in eighty houses, by the tenth one, I'd go, this is the best way to do it. This is the rhythm, whatever. I hadn't done this yet, and now I'm out there.

• 30:13H. Foley?

  That stuff's brutal too, cause it doesn't bend back.

• 30:15Speaker 03

  Cuts back on you too.

• 30:17H. Foley?

  It's like working with Saran Wrap.

• 30:18Speaker 03

  It's, dude, the one edge is like undone, and that shit. I, it's like, this is like thin shit, like

• 30:23H. Foley?

  A slicer.

• 30:23Speaker 03

  Like, it's like netting, essentially.

• 30:25H. Foley?

  Did you fold it under so he doesn't catch his face on it or something like that? The dog?

• 30:29Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 30:30H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 30:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:31H. Foley?

  You gotta fold it under so there's no sharp edges.

• 30:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:34H. Foley?

  I'll come down this weekend.

• 30:35Speaker 03

  Is that what you're looking for?

• 30:36H. Foley?

  I'll come down.

• 30:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:38H. Foley?

  Straighten it out for you?

• 30:39Speaker 03

  Cause I did it wrong. Right?

• 30:41H. Foley?

  Sounds like it.

• 30:42Speaker 03

  I don't know what I'm doing. I did it wrong.

• 30:43H. Foley?

  I mean...

• 30:44Speaker 03

  I get it, yeah.

• 30:47Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 30:49H. Foley?

  What'd you do with the leftovers? Cause you don't just buy a piece of that, you gotta buy a whole bundle.

• 30:53Speaker 03

  I bought three...

• 30:54H. Foley?

  Why don't you throw a little chicken coop in the back there?

• 30:56Speaker 03

  Five by two.

• 30:57H. Foley?

  Start doing your own eggs.

• 30:59Speaker 03

  What?

• 30:59H. Foley?

  Plus, you could probably write off some of the house. Be a, uh, farm.

• 31:05Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 31:06H. Foley?

  Just throw it in that there.

• 31:06Speaker 03

  Have you come milk you?

• 31:09Speaker 03

  A quart of milk's out at the local farmer's market?

• 31:11H. Foley?

  That ain't milk, lady.

• 31:15Speaker 03

  That's any juice. Woo wee!

• 31:19H. Foley?

  I gotta do this more often. Feel like a million bucks.

• 31:22Speaker 03

  You're wiping your mouth. Um...

• 31:25H. Foley?

  Wait, what? No, I'm the one getting milked.

• 31:27Speaker 03

  Whatever.

• 31:28H. Foley?

  Jerked off in this case.

• 31:29Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 31:30H. Foley?

  I'm saying that's not milk.

• 31:32Speaker 03

  I gotcha, yeah. Alright. Hey, we were riffing. I made a, I made a bad move.

• 31:35H. Foley?

  You were jerking me off, that's what...

• 31:37Speaker 03

  Oh, I was?

• 31:38H. Foley?

  Well, who's gonna milk me?

• 31:39Speaker 03

  I don't know. Who does it now?

• 31:42H. Foley?

  Nobody.

• 31:44Speaker 03

  Well, I won't continue on that way.

• 31:46H. Foley?

  I'll do it myself.

• 31:47Speaker 03

  Um, no, I got two, I got three five foot by two foot rolls.

• 31:52H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 31:53Speaker 03

  So that, the, the, yeah, I've covered it perfectly.

• 31:56H. Foley?

  All right.

• 31:56Speaker 03

  Put a couple of bricks at the bottom, a little reinforcement.

• 31:59H. Foley?

  Can you give me an update on that? Cause I love all that stuff.

• 32:01Speaker 03

  What do you want the update?

• 32:02H. Foley?

  Just so if, if, if there's a, if this, if there is an actual fox living under there, if they, do you see babies running around? Be cute.

• 32:10Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm. Okay.

• 32:11H. Foley?

  I like that. I like in the neighborhood in the springtime. I think that stuff's great.

• 32:15Speaker 03

  Great, yeah.

• 32:16H. Foley?

  Like the little rabbits and stuff like that.

• 32:18Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 32:18H. Foley?

  The little fox, little groundhogs, ducks, the geese come back, the birds, of course.

• 32:23Speaker 03

  Of course.

• 32:23H. Foley?

  You know?

• 32:24Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 32:24H. Foley?

  Springs, spring's beautiful in the, in the, the northeast. That's where we are, right?

• 32:29Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 32:30H. Foley?

  The northeast?

• 32:31Speaker 03

  There you go.

• 32:31H. Foley?

  Yeah, the Atlantic, uh...

• 32:32Speaker 03

  Rockin' Magellan over here.

• 32:33H. Foley?

  Atlantic seaboard? No, what's it called?

• 32:35Speaker 03

  Eastern seaboard.

• 32:36H. Foley?

  Eastern seaboard.

• 32:37Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 32:38H. Foley?

  Beautiful.

• 32:39Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 32:39H. Foley?

  When the leaves come in.

• 32:41Speaker 03

  The dandruff this time of year is...

• 32:43H. Foley?

  It's bad. I don't know what the deal is.

• 32:44Speaker 03

  For the listener, I called Hank with, I mean...

• 32:47H. Foley?

  I have dandruff.

• 32:48Speaker 03

  I mean...

• 32:48H. Foley?

  I have fucking dandruff.

• 32:49Speaker 03

  With Jack Frost level dandruff.

• 32:51H. Foley?

  Never in my life. Now I have dandruff. I've not been, I have not washed my hair in a long time. Like a long time.

• 33:00Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 33:00H. Foley?

  Months.

• 33:01Speaker 03

  Bosley, try that.

• 33:02H. Foley?

  Oh my, I actually, I got, uh, dandruff shampoo for my beard, coincidentally, at the dermatologist a couple of weeks ago because I had, I had dandruff coming out of this thing. I can use that on my hair, he said.

• 33:14Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 33:14H. Foley?

  I told you this. Could also use it downtown.

• 33:17Speaker 03

  I don't, I, I mean, the second you start talking about your conditions and skin flakes.

• 33:21H. Foley?

  You know what I mean?

• 33:22Speaker 03

  I'm out.

• 33:23H. Foley?

  That's an old dice joke, isn't it? That they put the dandruff shampoo on his balls?

• 33:27Speaker 03

  Uh, maybe.

• 33:28H. Foley?

  But his balls are flaky.

• 33:31Speaker 03

  It's a good bit either way.

• 33:32H. Foley?

  That's...

• 33:33Speaker 03

  Uh, all right, enough, enough shitting around here.

• 33:35H. Foley?

  All right.

• 33:36Speaker 03

  We got business to take care of. This is a goddamn family public. This needs a picture of where we dick around.

• 33:40H. Foley?

  I apologize. I apologize. I apologize about the dandruff, though.

• 33:44Speaker 03

  Uh-huh.

• 33:44H. Foley?

  My general appearance.

• 33:45Speaker 03

  You gonna take back me not knowing what I'm doing, king of the bird, candy man?

• 33:48H. Foley?

  I haven't seen it. Send me a pic or a video or something. See what it looks like. I assume it's shoddy construction.

• 33:56Speaker 03

  Didn't you say, didn't I show you, you guys stopped by the house? I showed you, no?

• 33:59Speaker 04

  Nah.

• 34:00Speaker 03

  Well, you saw the nursery?

• 34:01H. Foley?

  Looks beautiful.

• 34:02Speaker 03

  Thank you. Thank you.

• 34:05H. Foley?

  You painted it. Which I'd probably say that she probably did the finishing touches on it.

• 34:10Speaker 03

  That's not even close. Not even close.

• 34:12H. Foley?

  She stood there and busted your chops while you did it.

• 34:14Speaker 03

  No, I don't like saying that. There were a couple, you know, divorce was thrown around early on in the project when we were pulling permits.

• 34:21H. Foley?

  Nah, it looks beautiful. It's a good baby's room. You got the windows. It's perfect. You'd be able to...

• 34:26Speaker 03

  It's a weird thing.

• 34:26H. Foley?

  It's nice.

• 34:27Speaker 03

  If I didn't put, if there didn't have any windows, it'd be a closet. That ain't fucking legal.

• 34:30H. Foley?

  No.

• 34:30Speaker 03

  It's not like we're living in a railroad apartment in Brooklyn.

• 34:33H. Foley?

  The windows setup is good. For the fresh air to come in. Also, it's very neighborhood-y back there, so it'll be cute when you're in there rocking the baby. You know what I mean? Like on a cool summer night.

• 34:43Speaker 03

  Sure. Sure.

• 34:46H. Foley?

  I'm sorry, I'm excited for you. I'd like to come over and babysit, too. Hang out with the kid.

• 34:50Speaker 03

  We're all bit, we're bit. We're good. We're good. We're all good on that. We're all locked. I got the fox.

• 34:58H. Foley?

  Still like to come over and babysit.

• 35:00Speaker 03

  Well, then where am I gonna go?

• 35:02H. Foley?

  You guys can sit downstairs and watch TV.

• 35:04Speaker 03

  No, that's fucking weird, dude.

• 35:05H. Foley?

  You're not gonna let me rock the baby or something like that?

• 35:07Speaker 03

  What?

• 35:08H. Foley?

  Give it Gucci goos and all that?

• 35:09Speaker 03

  Oh, you'll fuckin'-

• 35:10H. Foley?

  I'm Uncle Heck, goddammit!

• 35:11Speaker 03

  You're gonna Christopher Moltisanti the thing.

• 35:14H. Foley?

  What happened?

• 35:15Speaker 03

  When he sits on the cat.

• 35:16H. Foley?

  The dog. Alright.

• 35:19Speaker 03

  Hey, quit screwing around. That's what I'm saying. Paulie's got some questions we're gonna go through.

• 35:24H. Foley?

  Hit me.

• 35:26Speaker 03

  Come on, what's the first one?

• 35:27H. Foley?

  Chicken wire. How would I know?

• 35:29Speaker 03

  I don't know, but buying chicken wire, I gotta, I wanna go back to that, is a thing where you're like, this is even ask, it ain't called chicken wire anymore.

• 35:37H. Foley?

  It sounds suspect.

• 35:38Speaker 03

  I know, it does. Sounds like there's animals on the loose, which there kinda is.

• 35:41H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 35:42Speaker 03

  I don't know.

• 35:43H. Foley?

  Or you're doing something, you're cooking something that you shouldn't be.

• 35:47Speaker 03

  With chicken wire?

• 35:48H. Foley?

  Yeah, I don't know.

• 35:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't know. It just didn't, it didn't feel right. It's out by the gardening. I didn't know where they were gonna keep that. It's out in the, in the garden. It makes sense.

• 35:55H. Foley?

  A lot of people are having chickens now, though. You get the eggs.

• 35:59Speaker 03

  Sure. You doing that?

• 36:01H. Foley?

  No.

• 36:01Speaker 03

  I thought you loved that kinda stuff.

• 36:02H. Foley?

  No.

• 36:03Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 36:03H. Foley?

  I live in an apartment. I live in the city.

• 36:05Speaker 03

  I don't know, you just tried to take my 20 by 10 shed the fucking 10 minutes ago.

• 36:08H. Foley?

  For my mother.

• 36:09Speaker 03

  Does she have chickens?

• 36:11H. Foley?

  No.

• 36:11Speaker 03

  She lives in the suburbs?

• 36:13H. Foley?

  One neighbor has them. Brings them over.

• 36:15Speaker 03

  The chicken?

• 36:16H. Foley?

  No, the eggs. I don't trust them. They're all different colors. Freaks me out. And they have like the date written on them. I don't trust Patty with the dates anymore. You don't know what she's got in that fridge. Or when it came in, or when it's going out.

• 36:30Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 36:30H. Foley?

  Bad.

• 36:31Speaker 03

  Alright, quit screwing around, please, for the love of God. This one's from Shitlock Homes.

• 36:38Speaker 03

  Deep cut.

• 36:38H. Foley?

  That's trademark infringement.

• 36:39Speaker 03

  I know. Um, two-year homie, never had one read. My apartment building is right up against a Costco.

• 36:46H. Foley?

  Hmm.

• 36:46Speaker 03

  Sounds like a great location.

• 36:50Speaker 03

  So everyone in the building pushes their shopping carts all the way up to their apartment. In the parking garage, there's a place where people park the carts when they're done, and a worker from Costco comes along and brings them back every morning.

• 37:02H. Foley?

  Very nice.

• 37:03Speaker 03

  So when I buy groceries, I unload them directly from the cart into my fridge. Is this classy or trashy?

• 37:10H. Foley?

  What?

• 37:11Speaker 03

  That's pretty.

• 37:11H. Foley?

  You bring one of those into your apartment?

• 37:13Speaker 03

  That's pretty nuts.

• 37:14H. Foley?

  Those wheels are dirty.

• 37:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's probably not great.

• 37:18H. Foley?

  Wow.

• 37:19Speaker 03

  But... Cause I'm not a Costco guy. We were at Sam's Club. You probably don't get bags at Costco, right?

• 37:25H. Foley?

  No.

• 37:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:26H. Foley?

  You gotta use it, dude. That's the thing I hate.

• 37:27Speaker 03

  So it's like you got a bunch of loose stuff. What's better than... There's no better flow order of operations than that.

• 37:34H. Foley?

  That's perfect, yes.

• 37:35Speaker 03

  And plus, they come and get the cart for you?

• 37:36H. Foley?

  But rolling in a cart in your apartment is nuts.

• 37:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's not great. That's been all over. Spills, kids, people...

• 37:44H. Foley?

  Everywhere. Dog shit, cat shit.

• 37:46Speaker 03

  Tissing on the floor.

• 37:47H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 37:47Speaker 03

  You'd be surprised about how many people poop in supermarkets. You'd be wildly surprised.

• 37:52H. Foley?

  What do you mean, poop in, like, on the floor?

• 37:54Speaker 03

  Like their pants, yeah.

• 37:55H. Foley?

  No kidding?

• 37:55Speaker 03

  Falls out, yeah. A lot. Something.

• 38:01Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah, I mean, listen. I don't know. That's a tough one to call because it's great, but then you're... Listen, that's...

• 38:08H. Foley?

  Tight setup.

• 38:09Speaker 03

  I've never heard of it. I gotta be honest with you. I've never heard of that. I do, I would do the same thing. I'm not saying what that role, what way that goes.

• 38:17H. Foley?

  But from what I remember with Costco, they're huge shopping carts. How does it even get through the door?

• 38:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, maybe it got a big door. Maybe it goes right into the garage door or something. Or did he say apartment building?

• 38:28H. Foley?

  Yeah, I think he'd say right to the fridge.

• 38:31Speaker 03

  I mean, he might be speaking a little. It might be like right to the front door, maybe, and then it's all like from the front door into, you know, he carries it right into the fridge, right into the house.

• 38:39H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 38:40Speaker 03

  Either way.

• 38:40H. Foley?

  Trashy.

• 38:41Speaker 03

  Trashy, but...

• 38:42H. Foley?

  Borderline genius.

• 38:43Speaker 03

  Good for you, yeah.

• 38:45H. Foley?

  You got an easy setup.

• 38:46Speaker 03

  That's fantastic.

• 38:46H. Foley?

  I'd hang on to that place.

• 38:47Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm. Uh, this one's from Pepe. Do you have any outlets that don't work? Alternatively, when was the last time you were physically shocked?

• 38:56Speaker 03

  I was dealing with it in the nursery.

• 38:58H. Foley?

  Uh, physically shocked within the last 15 years. Uh, finger in the, um, socket of a lamp.

• 39:08Speaker 03

  That's what got me. I was probably, I told you, I was probably 14 or something, and I mean... Like, the jolt threw you, like the... I cried. My stepdad laughed at me.

• 39:20H. Foley?

  It's such a weird feeling.

• 39:21Speaker 03

  Oh, I didn't... It was because it was dark. It was dark out. I thought I was turning... I was in the living room. And I hit the switch. That didn't work, so I turned it on. There was no light bulb or something, and I reached in and... And I mean, it was the last thing I was expecting. It scared the fucking...

• 39:38H. Foley?

  I knew I was...

• 39:39Speaker 03

  I remember I had a Flyers jersey on.

• 39:42Speaker 03

  And I started crying. I felt like such a pussy.

• 39:47Speaker 03

  And my stepdad, "You'll be all right."

• 39:51Speaker 03

  I go.

• 39:52H. Foley?

  Your eyebrows are gone.

• 39:53Speaker 03

  That's what happened to my hairline.

• 39:56H. Foley?

  Um, sockets that didn't work, not, I don't think in, in, in Patty's house. I'm sure some of the shitty apartments that I had.

• 40:04Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 40:04H. Foley?

  I also had a couple that were hanging out.

• 40:06Speaker 03

  I got, I got, I got one or two now. It's typically the one behind the couch gets it. Cause you put, you put the, your cell phone plugged in and then that gets pushed back and pushed back and pushed back. Uh, maybe do a little boinking on there, you know what I mean?

• 40:22H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 40:23Speaker 03

  Uh, so we have one now that's loose and my wife like, well, plug like heavy stuff. And I'm like, that's a two-prong or maybe a cell phone. I'm like, don't go plugging in like a fucking shop vac or something.

• 40:34H. Foley?

  That's bad news.

• 40:36Speaker 03

  Um.

• 40:36H. Foley?

  Scary.

• 40:37Speaker 03

  I had to tell her.

• 40:37H. Foley?

  A whole wall goes up.

• 40:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm like, tell her, I had to tell her, I was like, we don't ever use this one ever again. Like just.

• 40:43H. Foley?

  Put some tape on it. Put some chicken wire out of it. Keep her out of there.

• 40:46Speaker 03

  Keep the fucks out. Um.

• 40:49H. Foley?

  Good question.

• 40:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's a tough one. I was, I was trying to change the light and you know how like sometimes the light fixture in the center of a room is not necessarily connected to... The lights aren't part of the light fixture. Does that make sense?

• 41:03H. Foley?

  No.

• 41:04Speaker 03

  Like sometimes the light fixture just, there's a light in the, could be coming out of the ceiling and the light fixture is just placed around that. Does that make sense?

• 41:12H. Foley?

  The light fixture?

• 41:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, like just goes onto the ceiling.

• 41:15H. Foley?

  Oh, you're like a, yeah, like a fishbowl.

• 41:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, but that's not, that's not technically connected to the light bulb itself. You know what I mean?

• 41:21H. Foley?

  You have to do the screw.

• 41:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:23H. Foley?

  And take it down.

• 41:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 41:24H. Foley?

  Oh, I've shattered a couple of those and my fucking dad freaked out.

• 41:28Speaker 03

  Always bugs in there.

• 41:29H. Foley?

  Oh, big ones.

• 41:31Speaker 03

  I know.

• 41:32H. Foley?

  Dried up mosquitoes and little weebles and shit.

• 41:35Speaker 03

  So I was doing that. We're getting rid of those and I'm listening.

• 41:37H. Foley?

  That's a barren desert graveyard up there. That's a rough way to go for a bug, man. They'll never find you.

• 41:43Speaker 03

  Being lost in the Sahara, dude.

• 41:45H. Foley?

  Someone's back home like, why don't he don't write? Nothing on that?

• 41:50Speaker 03

  Um.

• 41:51H. Foley?

  So Dancing with Wolves.

• 41:55Speaker 03

  Good movie. You're right. Uh, he, uh, that, that, this one was like, I was trying to get it all and then the, the light sockets were part of the fixture itself. You know what I mean? And I was like, I could do it. And I'm like, what the fuck are you, like, I was just like, you're gonna get zapped, dude. Like, I don't know enough. I haven't changed one in a long enough time.

• 42:15H. Foley?

  Wait, you're changing the bulb or you wanted to change the fixture?

• 42:17Speaker 03

  The whole fixture.

• 42:18H. Foley?

  You're nuts.

• 42:19Speaker 03

  I know.

• 42:19H. Foley?

  You gotta kill the main for that.

• 42:21Speaker 03

  I know.

• 42:21H. Foley?

  Shut down the city.

• 42:22Speaker 03

  I know.

• 42:23H. Foley?

  Never. Never.

• 42:25Speaker 03

  I was literally like, I was just in fucking John homeowner mode. I'm like, I could do this and I'm like, what are you doing, dude?

• 42:30H. Foley?

  You never roll the dice with the electric.

• 42:32Speaker 03

  Just gonna get zapped.

• 42:33H. Foley?

  Never.

• 42:33Speaker 03

  I know.

• 42:34H. Foley?

  It's, always you get zapped.

• 42:37Speaker 03

  I can't even change a light bulb without getting zapped.

• 42:39H. Foley?

  That's nuts.

• 42:39Speaker 03

  Put my hockey jersey on.

• 42:40H. Foley?

  You shut that shit down.

• 42:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, it's not for me. We got a guy coming to do it.

• 42:44H. Foley?

  You don't even shut down the, what's it called? What's the box called?

• 42:47Speaker 03

  Circuit breaker.

• 42:48H. Foley?

  You shut the whole building down.

• 42:50Speaker 03

  Call City, call City Hall.

• 42:51H. Foley?

  Dude.

• 42:52Speaker 03

  Shut me down. I don't pay the bill for eight months. I let it dry out.

• 42:54H. Foley?

  Never. There are guys that will hotwire them, though. Like, with the power on, like, do it real quick. No, that, like, know how to, like, put them in? Scary. You gotta be real good. Guy that I, the guy that I worked for was nice with it. He'd wire a house in like, two minutes.

• 43:11Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 43:13H. Foley?

  Three minutes.

• 43:14Speaker 03

  Sure. And you wanna be my chicken wire guy? Wire a house in two minutes.

• 43:19H. Foley?

  He did it good.

• 43:20Speaker 03

  Sure. I'm not saying he didn't.

• 43:22H. Foley?

  Better than you.

• 43:23Speaker 03

  Me, me should be able to do it better than, I don't know why you take offense to everything.

• 43:30Speaker 03

  Better than me? Uh, okay. Sure. Fair enough.

• 43:34H. Foley?

  Better looking, too.

• 43:36Speaker 03

  He didn't need Bosley's hair care for men.

• 43:38H. Foley?

  Beautiful head of hair on this guy. He was a stallion.

• 43:42Speaker 03

  He got zapped a bunch.

• 43:43H. Foley?

  Former tight end of the Conshohocken Steelers. Good looking guy. Italian. Probably had a nice hog on him, too. Not that little dipstick you got. Speaking of chicken wire.

• 44:00H. Foley?

  You're really getting it today, huh?

• 44:01Speaker 03

  It's so weird. The things you have pride in sometimes. And make competitions in your head.

• 44:10H. Foley?

  What was that? Thought I heard something. You hear that? Sounded like an automatic toothbrush.

• 44:20Speaker 03

  No.

• 44:21H. Foley?

  Could be the effects or, I don't know.

• 44:23Speaker 03

  Trans alone. My doctor says cram it all.

• 44:28H. Foley?

  Alright, let's go.

• 44:29Speaker 03

  Alright, quit fucking around. Goddamn family episode.

• 44:32H. Foley?

  Great question.

• 44:32Speaker 03

  Great question. What was it again? Now the electric user. Um, alright, this is one from Jessica Byers, $10 homie. Is it garbage to go to college classes with your mom when you were a kid? If my mom was jammed up and we didn't have a sitter for us, we would go to my mom's college classes all the time. This was a nice college and we were a hit. I remember the library and cafeteria being top notch.

• 44:56H. Foley?

  Wow, that's great.

• 44:57Speaker 03

  First of all, hats off to your mom for fucking making it work.

• 45:01H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 45:01Speaker 03

  That's fucking...

• 45:02H. Foley?

  Wonder what she's doing now?

• 45:03Speaker 03

  That's amazing. Probably wires houses. Uh, that's amazing. That's really fucking cool. Also to not have the shame and be like, fuck it, this is where I'm at. I'm bringing my kids to fucking college.

• 45:15H. Foley?

  Of course.

• 45:16Speaker 03

  I'm swallowing this embarrassment in the, in the short term to fucking better my, my, my family's life. That's amazing. Also...

• 45:23H. Foley?

  That being said...

• 45:23Speaker 03

  Also, you guys being a hit's pretty cool. Like, oh, that's Janine. She's got the ears of fucking the two, the two little ones.

• 45:29H. Foley?

  Kids are coming today.

• 45:30Speaker 03

  That's a good time.

• 45:31H. Foley?

  And that's a good experience. The fact that he, uh, appreciates and remembers the cafeteria.

• 45:38Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 45:38H. Foley?

  I, I love that. You know, obviously I love that.

• 45:40Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 45:41H. Foley?

  Cause anytime my dad took us to a cafeteria or something like that, we always loved it.

• 45:45Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 45:46H. Foley?

  He used to take us on the, on the naval bases to the cafeterias. It's where I fell in love with the sausage patty. They were big on the sausage patties, wherever it was. That's great. Trashy as shit, though.

• 45:58Speaker 03

  Sure. Your, your love for the patty didn't come in from like McDonald's or something?

• 46:02H. Foley?

  No, never really registered. And I don't even know if we were, uh, we didn't do McDonald's breakfast that much like that.

• 46:09Speaker 03

  Making up for lost time, huh, big guy?

• 46:10H. Foley?

  Yeah. And if I did, it would be, uh, it would be, um, it would probably, I wouldn't, I wouldn't be getting sausage, I don't think. I don't know why.

• 46:20Speaker 03

  I would do the big breakfast.

• 46:21H. Foley?

  I didn't really fall in love with the sausage, egg and cheese.

• 46:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, I would do the big breakfast as a kid. The scrambys, the muffin, the hash brown.

• 46:29H. Foley?

  Nah, I don't really remember from there.

• 46:30Speaker 03

  It was like the two egg special.

• 46:31H. Foley?

  I don't remember the bacon either, though, to be honest with you, because we wouldn't have got bacon. Remember the hotcakes, the butter, the butter and that little thing.

• 46:37Speaker 03

  Okay, alright, before we lose you, let's check back in.

• 46:40H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 46:40Speaker 03

  Um, this one's for my Fumar, is Fubar, $10 mountain man, never had one read. How long of a drive does it need to be until it's okay to fully be on forward and backward, change another driver's seat settings?

• 46:56H. Foley?

  Say that again?

• 46:57Speaker 03

  How long does a drive have to be until it's okay to change the seat settings, the, you know? Like, fully make the seat and steering wheel and mirrors your own?

• 47:07H. Foley?

  Oh, every time you get into the car?

• 47:09Speaker 03

  I disagree on that.

• 47:10H. Foley?

  You're nuts. Wait, who's, wait, you're driving, who's somebody on?

• 47:13Speaker 03

  Someone else's car. You don't get in and make that your car.

• 47:16H. Foley?

  Yes, you do.

• 47:18Speaker 03

  For, eh, eh, eh, you're, you're running to Wawa, you do that?

• 47:23H. Foley?

  Running to Wawa.

• 47:24Speaker 03

  What is the drive? That's the question. What is, minus a little forward and backward so your knees and legs fit.

• 47:30H. Foley?

  I think the mirrors, that's a safety thing. You gotta do that immediately.

• 47:35Speaker 03

  That's bitchy.

• 47:35H. Foley?

  You get in and get situated.

• 47:37Speaker 03

  Fucking changing the mirrors, dude.

• 47:38H. Foley?

  Yeah, you do the mirrors and you make sure you can see to keep everybody safe.

• 47:41Speaker 03

  If you're on a fucking two-lane street, you don't need to change the mirror. You can, you can duck and see.

• 47:47H. Foley?

  I don't know, I'm big on getting in a car and getting, getting myself situated.

• 47:50Speaker 03

  It's odd because you're such a bad driver.

• 47:53H. Foley?

  Nah, I gotta, I gotta be situated.

• 47:54Speaker 03

  I get that. For, you figure, I, I would give you more benefit of the doubt of being, I don't situate, that's why I'm a bad driver.

• 48:03Speaker 03

  You don't like that, do you?

• 48:04H. Foley?

  Nah, didn't appreciate it, to be honest with you. I don't think I'm that bad of a driver.

• 48:07Speaker 03

  I, it's, I mean, that's insane.

• 48:09H. Foley?

  I don't fucking speed past tractor trailers like you do, I'll give you that. I don't drive like I just robbed the first city national. Alright, I drive defensively and assertively.

• 48:20Speaker 03

  No, you do not drive assertively.

• 48:21H. Foley?

  Yes, I do.

• 48:22Speaker 03

  It's so weird, because sometimes you will say, "Yeah, I'm a bad driver."

• 48:26H. Foley?

  Not today.

• 48:29Speaker 03

  Other times, you really take it personal.

• 48:32H. Foley?

  I mean, I think-

• 48:32Speaker 03

  You're braking greenlights.

• 48:34H. Foley?

  I think, uh, because somebody might T-bone you coming the other way.

• 48:37Speaker 03

  Someone might rear-end you because they're not expecting you to slam on the brakes at a green light.

• 48:42H. Foley?

  Maybe.

• 48:42Speaker 03

  Not maybe, it's for sure. Okay, whatever.

• 48:45H. Foley?

  I think like say in a designated driver situation, like say we go out, okay, I didn't drink, you got all fucked up.

• 48:51Speaker 03

  What world is that the case?

• 48:53H. Foley?

  Usual. I was just killing it on the dance floor, alright? Could've went home with somebody, but I didn't because I gotta take your drunk ass home. I'm getting in the car and getting, you know, so everybody's safe.

• 49:04Speaker 03

  Nighttime, we're probably, we're probably at a cool club midtown, I gotta go all the way back uptown, you know what I mean? That's a third, that's a 20 minute drive.

• 49:11H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 49:11Speaker 03

  I'll give you that. Plus there's drunk drivers out, it's nighttime, safety, yeah.

• 49:15H. Foley?

  Yeah. But I do see your point. If you're just running down.

• 49:18Speaker 03

  I mean, what's next? You redo the radio stations? This is fucking blasphemy, dude.

• 49:24H. Foley?

  It's all Christian rock.

• 49:26Speaker 03

  Take it to get the car painted, what are we doing here?

• 49:28H. Foley?

  We're redoing the radio stations, this is wild.

• 49:31Speaker 03

  Never. Listen, I think you go forward, backward, forward, backward to make sure you're fucking, your legs fit and you're okay. The steering wheel changes fucking banana, you change that.

• 49:43H. Foley?

  My wife does that shit.

• 49:44Speaker 03

  Because then it's like, it's so tough to get right back.

• 49:47H. Foley?

  Oh, it's brutal.

• 49:48Speaker 03

  Because it's not like a, it's, eh, there's not levels, it's just you're free balling it.

• 49:53H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 49:53Speaker 03

  And then it, it never feels the same until you get back used to it again.

• 49:56H. Foley?

  Yeah, I'm big on that. I gotta get the wheel nice, though. I always kind of wish that, that.

• 50:02Speaker 03

  You're a bigger guy.

• 50:03H. Foley?

  Oh yeah, it's a different situation for me. I gotta rearrange the car.

• 50:07Speaker 03

  Backseat. Hey, we're gonna have to remove the neck on this thing.

• 50:11H. Foley?

  Like a movie? You ever notice in movies, they never keep those in?

• 50:15Speaker 03

  What?

• 50:16H. Foley?

  They always take the, the headrest away. Little film trivia for you.

• 50:21Speaker 03

  Hey, Siskel, zip it. Okay?

• 50:26H. Foley?

  Yeah, that's right.

• 50:26Speaker 03

  Is that all you got?

• 50:27H. Foley?

  I always wish there was, you know how like, when you.

• 50:30Speaker 03

  Well, a lot of them just have the memory buttons.

• 50:33H. Foley?

  They don't really work that well.

• 50:34Speaker 03

  I go to jail for 15 years, I get out, put my seats right back where I was. I think that's a Seinfeld. When he gets his dad the Cadillac, it's got the memory.

• 50:41H. Foley?

  That's good.

• 50:42Speaker 03

  Go to jail for 10 years, I come, yeah dad, you're gonna go to jail for 10 years.

• 50:48Speaker 03

  You didn't like the crack about the pen, did you?

• 50:50H. Foley?

  I did not.

• 50:54Speaker 03

  Just shoot the movie so I can get it out on the streets.

• 50:56H. Foley?

  Alright.

• 50:58Speaker 03

  Uh, listen, I would say, run into the store crazy. I would say anything over, on a highway, I'll give you, you can do a lot of changing, because you gotta be on your noggin there. Or if it's like a bit of a road trip, where you're like, we're gonna be in here for a minute.

• 51:16H. Foley?

  Of course, if you're like, driving somewhere, yes, you have to.

• 51:19Speaker 03

  I would say under an hour, under a half hours, I don't, I'm not making any major change.

• 51:25H. Foley?

  Okay, just disagree on it, I guess.

• 51:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 51:28H. Foley?

  I feel like every time you get in there, you should set everything up nice, so you're safe. It's somebody else's vehicle, you don't know what the insurance situation is, you don't know what's in the fucking hubcaps, you know what I mean? Could be riding with a couple of keys in there.

• 51:43Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 51:43H. Foley?

  You don't wanna get pulled over.

• 51:44Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 51:45H. Foley?

  Then you get pulled over in somebody else's car, then you gotta go, it's my buddy's car, sure it is, where's this? And you reach for the glove compartment, you know, safety.

• 51:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, it happens all the time. Yeah, I mean, I have lost count, if I had a nickel for every time that's happened.

• 52:02H. Foley?

  Safety first, when it comes to vehicles.

• 52:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, they keep you in the passenger seat, because you stink at driving.

• 52:08H. Foley?

  I'm a good radio man, though.

• 52:09Speaker 03

  No, you're not, we just said you played the same song for an hour and a half straight, without knowing.

• 52:14H. Foley?

  That was an accident.

• 52:15Speaker 03

  Okay, but still, that doesn't happen to good radio.

• 52:17H. Foley?

  It's because my seat wasn't right.

• 52:18Speaker 03

  That doesn't happen to good radio men. Dangerous, clogging your ears.

• 52:24H. Foley?

  That sucks, I got spots tonight, too.

• 52:26Speaker 03

  Oh, yikes.

• 52:28H. Foley?

  Might go to the salon, get a wash and a blowout.

• 52:31Speaker 03

  Where our bet go?

• 52:34H. Foley?

  Get my nails trimmed. I'm biting the lady.

• 52:40Speaker 03

  Alright. Uh, let's see, this one's from JM, uh, $10 home, never had one read, are you garbage if you pre-green? This is a, this is a, this is a, this is a good one. Are you garbage if you pre-game a dry wedding? It was one of my best friends, and I'm in the wedding party, he's one of my, he was one of my college roommates, and I've carried him home more than once. I can't let his new lady and her family prevent me from drinking, right?

• 53:08H. Foley?

  Yeah, what a dry wedding is fucked up.

• 53:14Speaker 03

  I don't know what the rules, I guess it would depend on why it's dry. You think it's religious? If it wasn't religious, I mean unless it's like Muslim maybe, Muslim, I don't think any like, I mean Catholics drink.

• 53:25H. Foley?

  Catholics drink.

• 53:26Speaker 03

  The Christians drink, the Jews drink.

• 53:29H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 53:29Speaker 03

  It's gotta be, like, aren't Muslim, it's like, no, yeah, Muslims aren't a lot of drink.

• 53:34Speaker 04

  Muslim weddings are dry.

• 53:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:36H. Foley?

  Muslims weddings are dry, huh?

• 53:37Speaker 04

  Uh, Hindu.

• 53:39Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 53:39H. Foley?

  Okay. You make up with the food, though. Clean up.

• 53:43Speaker 03

  Sure, but I-

• 53:44H. Foley?

  Just go heavy on the samosas.

• 53:46Speaker 03

  Huh.

• 53:47H. Foley?

  Hmm.

• 53:48Speaker 03

  I would-

• 53:49H. Foley?

  If that's the case.

• 53:50Speaker 03

  I guess she's probably too, like, let's just say it is religious, she, knowingly, her family's, or extended family's gonna be there.

• 53:56H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 53:57Speaker 03

  She's probably saying, "Tell your idiot fucking friends not to drink."

• 54:02H. Foley?

  Well, no, it's just a dry wedding, so they assume.

• 54:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, but I'm sure there's, if this kid's carrying this other kid home.

• 54:08H. Foley?

  Has this already happened?

• 54:10Speaker 03

  I don't know.

• 54:11H. Foley?

  I thought he said in the thing.

• 54:12Speaker 03

  Uh-

• 54:13H. Foley?

  I would say don't do it if, if it's ahead of ya. You don't wanna be fucked up and they sniff ya out. I would say-

• 54:20Speaker 03

  I mean, but it's also like-

• 54:21H. Foley?

  You don't want her dad fucking screaming at ya.

• 54:23Speaker 03

  I would say, "Do it." Like-

• 54:27H. Foley?

  How you gonna drink during the wedding?

• 54:30Speaker 03

  I'm gonna pop in the ba- how do you do coke at a wedding?

• 54:33H. Foley?

  What are you asking me for?

• 54:35Speaker 03

  What? Have someone else drive your car.

• 54:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, you pop into the bathroom, I'm going outside to smoke a cigarette, you smoke heaters, it's still America.

• 54:44H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 54:45Speaker 03

  You know what I mean?

• 54:46H. Foley?

  Alright.

• 54:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, fucking, you got a little, you dump something in the, you know, the Muslim-

• 54:49H. Foley?

  Just don't get fucked up and if it's religious, you don't, you don't wanna insult anybody.

• 54:53Speaker 03

  You don't wanna get drug out, but like, you can get fucked up and have a good time.

• 54:57H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 54:57Speaker 03

  You know what I mean? But I don't know, I don't, I've also never been the drunk, like, I don't know how that looks, one drunk guy in a room full of sober people.

• 55:06H. Foley?

  It's bad. It's bad.

• 55:08Speaker 03

  It's like, you gotta be-

• 55:09H. Foley?

  You've seen the drunk, you've seen the drunk guy at a wedding around other drunk people.

• 55:14Speaker 03

  That's what I'm saying.

• 55:15H. Foley?

  How bad do you, how obvious, everyone else drinking coffee?

• 55:18Speaker 03

  I don't think you're gonna go that far to be like the guy getting, you know, doing the worm or whatever. In the parking lot. But like you're, you know, I'll let you loosen your shoulders a bit.

• 55:32H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 55:32Speaker 03

  That's what I would say.

• 55:33H. Foley?

  Alright.

• 55:34Speaker 03

  And it's like, hey, listen, she don't, you know, she don't know, you ain't gotta hurt her.

• 55:38H. Foley?

  Of course.

• 55:39Speaker 03

  But like if you and like two other groomsmen or buddies or cousins are like, yo, fuck it, we're, we're taking nips off the flask, then, you know.

• 55:47H. Foley?

  That's where the bag comes in.

• 55:48Speaker 03

  Fucking it is what it is.

• 55:49H. Foley?

  A little bit.

• 55:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, just take some edibles or something.

• 55:52H. Foley?

  Kid knows what I'm talking about.

• 55:53Speaker 03

  If that's what you get into.

• 55:54H. Foley?

  Yeah, taking Eddie.

• 55:56Speaker 03

  Hey, it's a wedding, you gotta get fucked up, yourself being married. What?

• 56:00H. Foley?

  And you really crush the food.

• 56:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, I would have a problem not drinking at the wedding.

• 56:07H. Foley?

  Yeah. That'd be tough.

• 56:09Speaker 03

  I don't, I'd be like, hey, man, that's great, I'm not going then. Like, I don't need to sell, and those Indian weddings, I don't know if you've been to one, they're about three days long. You're telling me I gotta, I gotta party Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, and I can't wet my beak, it's a goddamn weekend, I gotta go back to the office on Monday. It sucks. Everybody's working for the weekend, man.

• 56:28H. Foley?

  Going back sober with wicked heartburn.

• 56:31Speaker 03

  Shitting my brains out.

• 56:34Speaker 03

  Fucking chicken tikka marsala runs right through ya.

• 56:37H. Foley?

  Ooh, man. I'd go for a little bit of that right now. Ooh, a little naan bread.

• 56:42Speaker 03

  Uh, alright, let's see, this one's from Ozempic Gold Medalist. "I was explaining are you garbage to my older friend who's in his 50s, and he had a really good one."

• 56:53H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 56:53Speaker 03

  He said, "Back in the 70s, when his dad was at work, when he was a kid, his dad would call home and talk to the family on his lunch break using a payphone. But his dad gave him the number to the payphone at work. His dad would use his quarter to make the call and would let it ring twice, and the family knew not to answer it. His dad would hang up and press the button to get his quarter back, which I don't remember, but I guess they did, if they didn't pick up, you got your quarter back."

• 57:18H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 57:19Speaker 03

  And then the family knew to call that payphone back, and his dad'd be waiting there, and that's how he talked to his family for free at work."

• 57:24H. Foley?

  That's great.

• 57:24Speaker 03

  That's a good one.

• 57:25H. Foley?

  It was also a technique that the mafia used for, for years as well.

• 57:30Speaker 03

  What about the papers, the papers?

• 57:31H. Foley?

  Yeah, we did the same, we did a similar thing.

• 57:34Speaker 03

  We would call collect.

• 57:35H. Foley?

  Call collect.

• 57:35Speaker 03

  "Hi, Mom, it's Kevin." She would say no, and then no, that was to leave the house to come pick me up.

• 57:40H. Foley?

  Come pick you up.

• 57:41Speaker 03

  After my detentions.

• 57:42H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 57:43Speaker 03

  After my five o'clock's.

• 57:44H. Foley?

  It was also, you remember 1-800-collect, remember that?

• 57:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You call collect.

• 57:49H. Foley?

  Yeah. Didn't Spade do those commercials for 1-800-collect? I feel like he did.

• 57:53Speaker 03

  At that point, there were so many. There was like 10-10-2-20, 10-10. It started out 10-3-2-1, 10-2-20, 10-10-2-20. They all switched to-

• 58:00H. Foley?

  1-800-collect was like the original. I think the old guy was in the commercials.

• 58:03Speaker 03

  1-800-call-ATT. Spade did it?

• 58:05Speaker 04

  Spade did it.

• 58:06H. Foley?

  Spade did it. Damn. Talk about old school.

• 58:08Speaker 03

  That's at the prime of collect calls, too.

• 58:11H. Foley?

  Probably a nice check for those.

• 58:15Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah.

• 58:16H. Foley?

  Yeah, it's a good, it's a good thing.

• 58:17Speaker 03

  That's a good one. We would do the call-collect and hey, you know, it's Kevin.

• 58:20H. Foley?

  Or call and ask for yourself. We did something like that. When we would come down to Blue Bell to see our cousins and then drive back to Wilkes-Barre, we would call and ask for ourselves. Call-collect and ask for ourselves? So they knew that we got there. So maybe it was, my mom called collect, said, "I'm calling for Patty." They knew to not accept the charges and whatever.

• 58:45Speaker 03

  Meaning that Patty was home.

• 58:46H. Foley?

  They knew we were home.

• 58:47Speaker 03

  Gotcha.

• 58:48H. Foley?

  Yeah, I believe that's what the hustle was.

• 58:51Speaker 03

  That was nuts. I'm just like, "I'm out." What a service. "I'm out. I don't have any money. I gotta call." There's a number that you called, then dialed a number, then said it. It's like you're in prison. You accept a call from, you know, Eastern State Penitentiary. "Hey, it's Kippy."

• 59:08H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 59:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, crazy. What a crazy system that was. Not that long ago, too.

• 59:12H. Foley?

  Call-collect.

• 59:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 59:14H. Foley?

  It's actually nice. Get you out of a jam.

• 59:16Speaker 03

  Sure, of course. I mean, that fucking $3.50 a minute.

• 59:20H. Foley?

  Think that's what it was?

• 59:21Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah. What were the rates of call and collect, for sure?

• 59:24H. Foley?

  Yeah?

• 59:24Speaker 03

  That's why nobody, I mean, if it was, if it was 25 cents, you would just take the call and-

• 59:29H. Foley?

  Yeah, that makes sense.

• 59:30Speaker 03

  You know what I mean? I remember, I think I remember it being when I was in, when I was in junior high and we would call from the payphone after detentions or clinic. If you were doing bad, you had to stay after and go to clinic. Uh, I think I remember it being 3.50. So this would be like the year 2000. What was-

• 59:45H. Foley?

  What's the difference in clinic and detention?

• 59:48Speaker 03

  Clinic was like academic. Like you got it, like you're doing bad, you gotta stay after and I'll walk, walk, work through this with you. Or like, if I had like five missed homeworks, they'd be like, "Stay after and do all your homework in clinic."

• 1:00:00Speaker 04

  Uh, Google's saying 25 cents for the first three minutes and then 10 cents after each minute.

• 1:00:05Speaker 03

  In 2000?

• 1:00:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:00:06Speaker 03

  I don't feel like that's right. I remember mine being, for whatever reason, 3.50.

• 1:00:10H. Foley?

  Maybe that's when it switched over. Maybe they banged you out in the 90s.

• 1:00:13Speaker 03

  Maybe, but I mean, this would have been...

• 1:00:15H. Foley?

  That's where the turning point would have been.

• 1:00:16Speaker 03

  This would have been like 99 or whatever. The year 2000.

• 1:00:21H. Foley?

  Either way, sweet system.

• 1:00:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:00:23H. Foley?

  I liked, I respect, that's a great question, I respect it.

• 1:00:25Speaker 03

  Not bad.

• 1:00:26H. Foley?

  Everybody did that shit back then.

• 1:00:27Speaker 03

  Sure. And also in scheming, this one's from Justin, "Brand new $10 Garbaggio member. Are you garbage if your family members used to slide Netco wafer candies into toll baskets to pay tolls on the family trips?"

• 1:00:40H. Foley?

  What?

• 1:00:40Speaker 03

  They registered as quarters, but you had to slide them into the basket carefully because if they broke, it wouldn't register. Once you slid them in and the gate went up, rumor had it, they would jam the coin machine and the next person would get stuck and need the attendant.

• 1:00:53H. Foley?

  Ouch.

• 1:00:54Speaker 03

  That's, I mean, but...

• 1:00:57Speaker 03

  That's, then you gotta have Netco wafer, or, you know...

• 1:01:00H. Foley?

  What's a pack of them cost? 50 cents?

• 1:01:03Speaker 03

  Nah, you get the little bag, you just make sure they're in the car. Each, you're spending probably, probably 25 cents for the little guy, or the big guy is a dollar.

• 1:01:12H. Foley?

  That's trash.

• 1:01:13Speaker 03

  Get you like a year's worth of toll.

• 1:01:15H. Foley?

  That's trash. I love a Netco wafer too. You know I do. Delish.

• 1:01:21Speaker 03

  Ah, yeah. That brown one, the licorice one or whatever that one?

• 1:01:24H. Foley?

  Licorice sucked, yeah. Chocolate one was good.

• 1:01:26Speaker 03

  I know, but you'd be in the mix and you'd get the, ooh, fucking, it's like doing a shot of Sambuca at 6 years old.

• 1:01:33H. Foley?

  It would taint the rest of them after that, dude.

• 1:01:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's what I'm saying, there was no going back.

• 1:01:37H. Foley?

  Do you remember those?

• 1:01:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:01:39H. Foley?

  No shit?

• 1:01:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, dang with them. Uh, this one's from, uh, Mitchell, "10 dollar, non-recyclable here, never had one red. Are you garbage if you don't smoke, but you keep a pack of heaters in your truck? Just so you can toss a couple out the window every time you pass the boys in orange? When they throw up the two fingers asking for a Bernie? Helping take the edge off one felon at a time. Love y'all from South Georgia."

• 1:02:02H. Foley?

  Whoa!

• 1:02:03Speaker 03

  So he sees the chain gang, the people picking up fucking trash. And I guess that's what they do. They're going, throw us heaters.

• 1:02:10H. Foley?

  I never knew that.

• 1:02:11Speaker 03

  I mean, we don't see them.

• 1:02:13H. Foley?

  Whoa, that's a good dude right there.

• 1:02:15Speaker 03

  And then he's just got like a fucking pack of marb lights, throws three out the window.

• 1:02:20H. Foley?

  Ah, that's a-

• 1:02:21Speaker 03

  That's a fucking-

• 1:02:22H. Foley?

  That's a good dude right there.

• 1:02:23Speaker 03

  Thank you for your service type shit. That's amazing.

• 1:02:25H. Foley?

  That's a goddamn gentleman.

• 1:02:26Speaker 03

  That's a fucking, helping take the edge off one felon at a time.

• 1:02:30H. Foley?

  I thought he was gonna say what they say Sebastian did was keep a pack in the car for-

• 1:02:35Speaker 03

  For the broads?

• 1:02:35H. Foley?

  For ladies.

• 1:02:36Speaker 03

  Nah, for felons.

• 1:02:37H. Foley?

  That's pretty good.

• 1:02:38Speaker 03

  Respect that.

• 1:02:39H. Foley?

  Yeah, I respect that too.

• 1:02:40Speaker 03

  That probably, that probably makes them weak.

• 1:02:42H. Foley?

  A heater on a chain gang? What are you kidding me?

• 1:02:47H. Foley?

  Greatest thing ever.

• 1:02:48Speaker 03

  Uh huh, man, a heater on a chain gang. I've needed some heaters.

• 1:02:52H. Foley?

  That's a nice heater.

• 1:02:53Speaker 03

  Never on a chain gang though, Jesus Christ.

• 1:02:55H. Foley?

  That and a ladle of water.

• 1:02:57Speaker 03

  With bugs in there, the bug man.

• 1:02:59H. Foley?

  Still. Yeah, good dude.

• 1:03:02Speaker 03

  Uh, damn, that's really good. I ever see that one time.

• 1:03:06H. Foley?

  That's a gentleman's move right there.

• 1:03:07Speaker 03

  I was on 95 and there's a Department of Corrections van. There's like, imagine like a fucking, uh, imagine like a UPS van, like a UPS box truck.

• 1:03:17H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:03:18Speaker 03

  With the back door up. We're flying down, I mean, we're on, we're on Philadelphia 95. Like, we're doing 70, easily. And there's like, I don't know, eight prisoners in the back of it, not chained up, they're just sitting in there.

• 1:03:37H. Foley?

  And the doors open?

• 1:03:38Speaker 03

  The one guy, yeah, the one dude, the one, there's two guys. You know, it was like out of a movie, in orange jumpsuit. The one guy's got the orange jumpsuit down to his, like his waist, the other guy's in it, and he's sitting on the back, like, with his feet dangling off. And I mean, we are cooking, dude. And I remember being looking around me, and the dude, they're right in front of me. I got on right behind them.

• 1:03:59Speaker 03

  They're like, looking at me, and I'm like, what? Dude, I'm trying to get other people's attention, like, these guys, clearly you're escaping. This is like, fucking- And I was expecting to, then I pull up and I was expecting to see another guy in an orange jumpsuit driving, to be like, they fucking- Yeah, it's like, how fucking cute.

• 1:04:18H. Foley?

  All over.

• 1:04:20Speaker 03

  You gotta stick them fucking wingin' sigs up. Alright, we gotta wrap it up though, gang.

• 1:04:25H. Foley?

  Hey, so who was driving it?

• 1:04:26Speaker 03

  I don't know, officers or whatever. I guess they were on good behavior or something. Because these guys, these guys were hanging the fuck out. Dude, it was, they were hanging out like dazed and confused, man.

• 1:04:41H. Foley?

  That's wild.

• 1:04:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:04:42H. Foley?

  Ah, shit.

• 1:04:43Speaker 03

  It was legit, it looked like they were out of like a 50 cent rabbit. It looked like they were on a movie set. That's what it looked like. It was crazy. Shitting myself, thinking they were right my license plate down. Come and get me on the outside.

• 1:04:56H. Foley?

  Beat your fat ass.

• 1:04:59H. Foley?

  Gang, we love ya.

• 1:05:00Speaker 03

  Uh huh.

• 1:05:00H. Foley?

  We'll see you next week. Peace.