Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!

Are You Garbage presents comedian and podcast host Mark Normand! We're talkin' new fathers, hot tubs and hiding drugs! You know Mark Normand from stand up comedy, the Joe Rogan Experience, We Might be Drunk Podcast, Kill Tony Podcast, Protect our Parks, Tuesdays with Stories, This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von, First Date w/ Lauren Compton and so much more! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Do You Wanna See AYG Perform Live in Your City? Click Here: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nIJgvAZNftO_J655NLbu_phPt-HvzDj-tfzBt_uWyjI/viewform Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: BILT Rewards: Start paying rent through Bilt and take advantage of your Neighborhood BenefitsTM by going to https://joinbilt.com/garbage MUD/WTR: Start your new morning ritual & get up to 43% off your @MUDWTR with code GARBAGE at http://mudwtr.com/garbage Liquid I. V: Get ready for summer with extraordinary hydration from Liquid I. V. Get 20% off your first order of Liquid I. V. when you go to https://LIQUIDIV.com and use code GARBAGE at checkout Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00H. Foley?

  Hey gang, check out this short clip from the Route 66 tour on our YouTube page. I'm not even lying, I just shit my pants.

• 0:06Speaker 01

  What happened at...the garage?

• 0:10H. Foley?

  Hey, how are you? You guys have a bathroom? You saw that, huh?

• 0:12Speaker 01

  I'm curious as to what do you want to get out in front of this thing?

• 0:16H. Foley?

  These are dangerous places.

• 0:18Speaker 01

  Are those the shorts you were wearing?

• 0:20H. Foley?

  Unfortunately, they are.

• 0:24Speaker 01

  Dude, that's fucking disgusting.

• 0:26H. Foley?

  Hang on.

• 0:27Speaker 01

  Unless you were wearing plastic underwear, which I do not think you were.

• 0:32H. Foley?

  It didn't go through.

• 0:34Speaker 01

  No dude, that's insane.

• 0:35H. Foley?

  I'm telling you, it did not get to the outer layer. What you may know as the upper atmosphere. It stayed within the molten core of the Budgie Hunk. The underwear, on the other hand...

• 0:48H. Foley?

  Didn't make it.

• 0:50H. Foley?

  Thank you.

• 0:50Speaker 02

  You're welcome.

• 0:51H. Foley?

  I appreciate your hospitality.

• 0:52Speaker 02

  No worries.

• 0:57Speaker 01

  I mean, I've seen you go to the bathroom a lot. I've never seen you walk out with evidence.

• 1:06Speaker 03

  Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.

• 1:26H. Foley?

  Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?

• 1:31Speaker 01

  Oh yeah!

• 1:32H. Foley?

  It's that little show where we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out if they're good to be classy... Or just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Toody's in the new addition. She's down at the mall.

• 1:45Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:46H. Foley?

  She's doing Easter Bunny this year.

• 1:47Speaker 01

  Oh shit, okay.

• 1:48H. Foley?

  Yeah, free pics if you want them. Said we'd come by. Fair enough. My co-host is coming at you from right next to me, unamused this week. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage? He is an international businessman, not a fan of Easter, I guess. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan.

• 2:03Speaker 04

  What up, gang? Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also, full video available on Spotify now, over there, doing big things. Patreon.com/AreYouGarbage. Check it out.

• 2:16H. Foley?

  Yes, sir. We couldn't be more excited about our incredibly, and I mean incredibly special guest, back with us again today. The kid's family at this point.

• 2:23Speaker 04

  I know.

• 2:24H. Foley?

  He's a family man. You know him, you love him. Give it up for Mr. Mark Norman, everybody. Look at him. There he is. Old Papa.

• 2:31Speaker 04

  Good to be back. I love it here. Sorry, I'm a little banged up from the Nashville weekend, but we're having a good time.

• 2:39H. Foley?

  When you say you did an all-nighter, you were up 24 hours, didn't sleep?

• 2:42Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, they got these after-parties with the free drinks, and they just keep coming. Then you see a guy who's at the show, he gives you a shot, you high-five him.

• 2:51H. Foley?

  So what night is this theoretically?

• 2:52Speaker 04

  That was Saturday night.

• 2:55H. Foley?

  So it's Saturday night, so you don't sleep Saturday. Sunday, what do you?

• 2:59Speaker 04

  I get up and go on a flight and go home. And then you gotta go home and hug a baby. And you gotta beep, you gotta fake it. I'm at the airport, puking my guts out, I'm eating a sandwich, going, "All right, come on, I'm gonna pep talk."

• 3:10H. Foley?

  You're hungover. You're proper hungover.

• 3:11Speaker 04

  Hungover, no sleep, you know, the whole thing. Diarrhea, puking, gay.

• 3:16H. Foley?

  You can't walk in and be like, "Hey, I don't feel well," or something like that?

• 3:19Speaker 04

  No, you gotta be on, baby. It's battle stations when you get home. That's the hard part about a kid.

• 3:24H. Foley?

  Hey, everybody, who wants to laugh, huh? Doing crowd work?

• 3:27Speaker 04

  Because you gotta think, she's been with the kid all weekend, so she's like...

• 3:30Speaker 01

  So she needs relief. And you come in smelling like a hooker or something.

• 3:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, exactly, exactly. Cigarettes, I'm puking up cigar butts and semen, and she hands you the baby when you walk in, and you're like, "Who's this?" You know? And she's covered in stains, it looks like Monica Lewinsky. It's tough.

• 3:49H. Foley?

  And then when does she get to sleep on Sunday night?

• 3:51Speaker 04

  Sunday night, well, I said, "You know what? I'm gonna put the baby to bed early, you know."

• 3:55Speaker 01

  It's noon.

• 3:58Speaker 01

  His baby seems sick.

• 4:00Speaker 04

  Get some baby time.

• 4:00H. Foley?

  You're going around pulling the shades down?

• 4:02Speaker 04

  Yeah. What's his name again? And yeah, so I went to bed at like, you know, 10:30. I watched White Lotus, I rubbed one out, and that was it.

• 4:12H. Foley?

  Where do you rub one out?

• 4:15Speaker 04

  You know, the crib's here, I'm in the bed, we're good. The sound machine's on.

• 4:21H. Foley?

  Have you ever yanked it when you're in, when, when the missus is in bed with you?

• 4:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's tough.

• 4:26H. Foley?

  Really?

• 4:26Speaker 04

  You gotta not shake, you know, you gotta keep it still. It's like, I need a, what do you call it?

• 4:30Speaker 01

  Posturpedic. That's a slow jerk.

• 4:33Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:34H. Foley?

  They give love to yourself.

• 4:36Speaker 01

  They dropped a bowling ball.

• 4:37Speaker 04

  The bowling ball, yeah.

• 4:37Speaker 01

  You're just standing there wailing on yourself.

• 4:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, exactly.

• 4:40H. Foley?

  I've always, I've always wondered whatever would happen if I, cause I, that, that, that's my move. And if I ever got busted doing that.

• 4:48Speaker 04

  That's your move?

• 4:49Speaker 01

  Good thing you don't have a water bed, dude.

• 4:51Speaker 04

  Oh, God. That's Katrina all over again. That thing pops.

• 4:56H. Foley?

  Taking out the coast of Japan.

• 4:59H. Foley?

  Tsukishima.

• 5:00Speaker 01

  All the water gets sucked out. Cat runs into the living room.

• 5:04H. Foley?

  I would asu-, I would assume that would be, just knowing my wife, that would probably be like a, like an emotional, that would be a bad thing.

• 5:12Speaker 04

  I mean, dude, you're both, you're both in bed and you're just fucking, cause you do it odd, too. I don't know. He plays the.

• 5:21Speaker 01

  The fiddle?

• 5:22Speaker 04

  He's doing a, a money sign?

• 5:24H. Foley?

  Devil went down to Georgia. Looking for a soul.

• 5:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, he just does like a little pinch and, pinch and roll. Weird, pinch and roll.

• 5:34H. Foley?

  What are you telling my move for?

• 5:36Speaker 04

  I've never heard of this.

• 5:37H. Foley?

  You can't be doing that, Norman. You do it out of state if you want.

• 5:42Speaker 04

  The knuckle.

• 5:44Speaker 04

  I don't know the control.

• 5:45Speaker 01

  It's hard to find a good mechanic.

• 5:47Speaker 04

  Sometimes I'll do the old, uh, backwards.

• 5:49Speaker 01

  French grips.

• 5:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, right, right. The old Elliot Page, I flip it around, you know?

• 5:54H. Foley?

  The old McAdro.

• 5:58H. Foley?

  It's called the Andre Agassi in my house.

• 6:00Speaker 04

  There was a great comic, instead of, it was an open mic comic, I forget who it was, it was a great joke you hear that you never hear again. The guy was like, you know how some people, you sit on your hand?

• 6:08Speaker 01

  The stranger.

• 6:09Speaker 04

  And jerk off, it feels, it feels like someone else is jerking you off.

• 6:13Speaker 01

  I sit on my dick till it goes numb. Feels like I'm jerking off a completely different guy.

• 6:20Speaker 04

  Stranger's great. Is that Nate Bargatze, I think?

• 6:25H. Foley?

  I mentioned, I mentioned Easter. I get excited for Easter.

• 6:29Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 6:30Speaker 01

  Any candy themed holiday he starts chubbing up for.

• 6:33Speaker 04

  To be fair, you're looking, you're looking for candy on, on Tuesday. Just in the corner.

• 6:38Speaker 01

  Is it the end of Ramadan?

• 6:41Speaker 01

  Let me break this fast.

• 6:42H. Foley?

  I found out that they eat at night, man. That's easy. Do that standing on my head. I thought they had to go 40 days with nut.

• 6:50Speaker 01

  Were they Moses?

• 6:51Speaker 04

  Oh, is that right?

• 6:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, they eat at night. They're just not allowed to eat during the day.

• 6:54H. Foley?

  They have big parties at night. The, the mosque down the street from me, it's like fucking Studio 54.

• 6:59Speaker 01

  Club Med.

• 6:59Speaker 04

  I didn't know that. I was with you. I thought, I thought that's why they were so angry.

• 7:05Speaker 04

  No tits, no bacon. Come on.

• 7:06H. Foley?

  Get a clip bar or something, will you? Nah, they, they do nice spread at night. Looks pretty good, too.

• 7:12Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 7:13H. Foley?

  Little yogurt, little tzatziki.

• 7:14Speaker 04

  Sure. Hummus, pita, grape leaf, I'm in.

• 7:17H. Foley?

  How you doing? Love all that stuff.

• 7:19Speaker 04

  Are, are you doing anything for Easter with the ba- now you're a family man. Goddamn Mark Norman family man.

• 7:23H. Foley?

  The baby's what? He's not even a year, right?

• 7:25Speaker 04

  He's like a few months.

• 7:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:27H. Foley?

  Oh, okay. So you don't know what's going on?

• 7:29Speaker 04

  I don't know his birthday, but, uh.

• 7:31Speaker 01

  Eat his candy.

• 7:32Speaker 04

  I don't, I, I, you gotta realize babies make holidays. Christmas with like eight old people is the saddest thing on the planet. Your grandmother's smoking, you know, you're hungover. You're like, what are we doing here? I got socks, you know? So a baby makes it. So Easter, I'm going out to Walmart. I'm getting the bunny. I'm getting the green fake bullshit grass. I'm getting the basket.

• 7:52Speaker 01

  Couple of peeps.

• 7:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, Cadbury's. I'm going all in.

• 7:56H. Foley?

  I like it. That's the way to go. You're gonna start that trend. Was it like that when you were growing up? Did you guys go big on that stuff?

• 8:01Speaker 04

  We did, yeah. My parents, we did a crawfish boil every Easter at the, in the carport.

• 8:06Speaker 01

  Just like Jesus would have wanted.

• 8:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 8:10Speaker 04

  Cousins ran around and we found those eggs.

• 8:13H. Foley?

  Don't have none of them Jews in there. I'll tell you that right now. Holy cow.

• 8:18H. Foley?

  Keep the shelf is keeping weight.

• 8:21H. Foley?

  You do a crawfish, well, you're sitting like, "What's the carport?"

• 8:24Speaker 04

  Well, my grandparents had this big carport.

• 8:26H. Foley?

  Oh, I got you.

• 8:26Speaker 01

  That's a southern thing.

• 8:27H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 8:28Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 8:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, we don't really have them up here.

• 8:30H. Foley?

  It's a very trashy garage.

• 8:32Speaker 01

  It's to block it from the sun, like, the weather. Right? It's like the sun and the weather. Yeah, it's not, we don't really have them.

• 8:37H. Foley?

  Those things get hot as shit in the summer.

• 8:39Speaker 04

  They got tools down there, a sawhorse, a kegerator. Yeah, they were pretty, I mean, it's, it's open. There's no walls.

• 8:45H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 8:45Speaker 04

  It's just the roof.

• 8:46Speaker 01

  It's a big tent, essentially.

• 8:47Speaker 04

  It's a tent, yeah. Yeah, it's a mosque. It's the Hillbilly Mosque.

• 8:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's really good.

• 8:53H. Foley?

  All right, I like it. And do you guys have any plans with the, you gotta get the baby baptized or anything like that?

• 8:59Speaker 04

  We did the circumcise. That was hell.

• 9:01H. Foley?

  In the hospital?

• 9:02Speaker 04

  I did it myself. It wasn't easy. Yeah, I just got a teeth in there.

• 9:05Speaker 01

  They save 50 bucks.

• 9:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, like a Snickers. I just ripped it. Um, but, yeah, yeah, that was tough, 'cause that, that fucking dong is all mangled for a while. But, uh, he looks good now. Good, good piece.

• 9:18H. Foley?

  That's gotta sting.

• 9:19Speaker 01

  Proud of the piece?

• 9:20Speaker 04

  Proud of the piece.

• 9:20Speaker 01

  That's good.

• 9:21Speaker 04

  Ballbag's even better.

• 9:22Speaker 01

  Good ballbag.

• 9:23H. Foley?

  That is a drum, I would assume.

• 9:24Speaker 04

  Oh, well, you get the, I bathe him every night in the hot tub, and that thing gets like an old taffy.

• 9:31H. Foley?

  In the hot tub?

• 9:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, that's what I call it. It's a warm bath.

• 9:35Speaker 01

  I'm not fucking Matthew Perry-ing this kid over here, you know?

• 9:38H. Foley?

  Got him out in the jacuzzi?

• 9:39Speaker 04

  Yeah. You know, that's a guy, by the way.

• 9:42H. Foley?

  Who?

• 9:43Speaker 04

  That's his name, John Jacuzzi.

• 9:44H. Foley?

  Get the fuck out of here.

• 9:45Speaker 04

  Pull that up.

• 9:46Speaker 01

  No shit.

• 9:46Speaker 04

  I might have the first name wrong, but that's why.

• 9:48H. Foley?

  That's awesome.

• 9:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, Tony Jacuzzi?

• 9:49Speaker 04

  It's just something like that.

• 9:51H. Foley?

  That's pretty good.

• 9:52Speaker 01

  I think I remember this now.

• 9:53Speaker 04

  That's what it's named after, that guy.

• 9:55Speaker 01

  No, but then you would bump into other Jacuzzis, I feel. Like, somebody would, I would've went to-

• 9:59H. Foley?

  The Jacuzzi thing?

• 10:00Speaker 01

  I would've went to school with the Jacuzzis.

• 10:01Speaker 04

  That's true.

• 10:02Speaker 01

  There's too many Z's, too, in a last name.

• 10:05Speaker 04

  I'm telling you, I think it's a guy. Uh-oh.

• 10:07H. Foley?

  I thought, I thought it was an Italian word for, for hot baths.

• 10:10Speaker 04

  No.

• 10:10Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 10:11Speaker 05

  The founder was Giocondo Jacuzzi.

• 10:13H. Foley?

  Ahhh, Giocondo, eh?

• 10:16Speaker 01

  Giocondo. Huge ballbag.

• 10:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. You know he invented that just to get pussy.

• 10:22H. Foley?

  Ah, dude, 100%.

• 10:24Speaker 04

  I'm gonna make a big soup, uh-

• 10:26Speaker 01

  None of these broads wanna take a bath with me.

• 10:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:30H. Foley?

  You put your butthole right next to the vent.

• 10:32Speaker 04

  It can also, it can also go Asian, too. Jacuzzi. It almost sounds like, yeah.

• 10:35H. Foley?

  Oh, very good. That's not bad.

• 10:37Speaker 01

  That's what they say before they stab themselves.

• 10:38Speaker 04

  Right.

• 10:40Speaker 01

  Uh, we had a jacuzzi growing up. That was, we were, we were semi, semi new money. My dad did well. That my parents built a house and when we moved out of the city into the suburbs, I was very young.

• 10:51H. Foley?

  Wait, you had a jacuzzi at the house, at your mom's house?

• 10:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:54H. Foley?

  No shit?

• 10:55Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 10:55H. Foley?

  When'd that get taken down?

• 10:57Speaker 01

  Last year.

• 10:58H. Foley?

  No kidding?

• 10:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean it's-

• 10:59H. Foley?

  I don't remember seeing that.

• 11:00Speaker 01

  Oh, we blew the motor out. So, that was like in her bathroom.

• 11:04H. Foley?

  Oh!

• 11:05Speaker 01

  In her bathroom, there was a big jacuzzi.

• 11:07H. Foley?

  Wait, in the tub?

• 11:08Speaker 01

  Yeah. No, but it was big. I mean, it was like, it was big.

• 11:12H. Foley?

  I thought you meant outside.

• 11:13Speaker 01

  No, that jacuzzi's inside.

• 11:15H. Foley?

  I seen the one in her bedroom.

• 11:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, a hot tub's outside. A jacuzzi, I thought was like a, like an indoor tub.

• 11:22H. Foley?

  No, that's interchangeable. It's like band-aid.

• 11:24Speaker 01

  Right. I don't think so. It is a hot tub, though.

• 11:26H. Foley?

  Jacuzzi is a hot tub. A jacuzzi can be outside.

• 11:30Speaker 01

  Jacuzzi's the name brand.

• 11:31Speaker 05

  Jacuzzi's name brand.

• 11:33Speaker 01

  And do they also make outdoor ones? I'm not saying they, I just thought they did it.

• 11:36H. Foley?

  You think Giacomo Giacchusis not fucking doing it outside?

• 11:39Speaker 05

  Currently, they do.

• 11:39Speaker 01

  Apparently, they do.

• 11:40Speaker 04

  I've never seen an indoor jac- I thought that was a whirlpool.

• 11:43Speaker 01

  Oh, maybe it's a whirlpool. I don't know. We called it a jacuzzi.

• 11:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's a cool name.

• 11:47Speaker 01

  And either way, we'd have like 14 neighborhood kids in there wrestling and shit. It was, it was a sea- it wasn't as classy as it was supposed to be.

• 11:54H. Foley?

  A whirlpool's when you have an above-ground pool and everybody runs around in a circle.

• 11:57Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, we used to do that.

• 11:59H. Foley?

  It's the best.

• 12:00Speaker 04

  We'd throw ice cubes in it, too. Woo, it's getting cold. We didn't have a lot of things. But jacuzzi, the only, the saddest thing about a jacuzzi was when you let one just rot out for a while and you come over and it's just algae and mold and bullshit.

• 12:14Speaker 01

  The tops all done, there's like leaves on top of the cover and shit.

• 12:17Speaker 04

  Yes, exactly. We used to have one in college. We bought, me and like five guys rented this big house.

• 12:22Speaker 01

  Such a good idea on paper for the first week.

• 12:24Speaker 04

  Hundred percent. And we'd get, you know, hook up with girls in it. That was like a big selling point. Like, hey, I got a jacuzzi at the house.

• 12:30Speaker 01

  Dude, in college, that's like, you might as well be Hugh Efnert.

• 12:33Speaker 04

  Forget about it. So, I'd bring girls over and it would be late at night. So, you'd flop that big, big mat, you know, that big foldy-

• 12:41Speaker 01

  It's like 800 pounds.

• 12:42Speaker 04

  Yes, yes.

• 12:43H. Foley?

  Spiders running everywhere.

• 12:44Speaker 04

  And the steam would come out and we'd hook up and all that. But then you look at that thing in the morning and you're like, thank God it was nighttime. Cause this is like flit water.

• 12:51Speaker 01

  There's fish in there.

• 12:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, it was brown and green.

• 12:54H. Foley?

  Roommates at the bottom of it?

• 12:56Speaker 04

  It's like the city of Atlantis down there.

• 12:58H. Foley?

  Who's paying Lenny's rent this month, huh? He ain't gonna make it.

• 13:02Speaker 04

  I wonder if Jacuzzi was trying to hang out with Ferrari and Lamborghini like, "Hey, I'm one of you guys." They're like, "Get out of here, you piece of shit."

• 13:07Speaker 01

  He was new money. He was new hooker money.

• 13:09H. Foley?

  Possibly. Because Lamborghini, he got, he got, uh, elbowed by Ferrari. That's why he started the company.

• 13:15Speaker 04

  That's right.

• 13:16H. Foley?

  He threw his nose at him.

• 13:17Speaker 04

  He was a tractor guy.

• 13:18H. Foley?

  Tractor guy. Went and told Ferrari, "Hey, this is what you gotta do. You gotta do this, that, the other thing." Ferrari was like, "Fucking, go back to the fucking, uh, potato farm."

• 13:27Speaker 04

  Right, right.

• 13:28H. Foley?

  Built the Lamborghini. Thinking about getting one.

• 13:30Speaker 04

  Oh, are you?

• 13:32H. Foley?

  A jacuzzi.

• 13:33Speaker 04

  They still make Lamborghini? Ferrari's still cooking.

• 13:35Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 13:37Speaker 04

  I got in one. That thing is a rick-

• 13:39Speaker 01

  You've been in one?

• 13:40Speaker 04

  Uh, my, uh, I met a guy, I did his podcast in LA, and he's like, "I have a Lamborghini in the garage."

• 13:44H. Foley?

  You're talking about Matt, uh, Ferrin?

• 13:46Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Shout out Matt.

• 13:48H. Foley?

  Smoking tires. Shout out to him.

• 13:48Speaker 01

  Good buddy of ours.

• 13:49Speaker 04

  Great guy.

• 13:49H. Foley?

  Good buddy.

• 13:50Speaker 04

  Great dude. Sent us watches.

• 13:51H. Foley?

  Sent us watches.

• 13:52Speaker 01

  Yeah. Very nice guy. I was wearing it this weekend.

• 13:55Speaker 04

  Holy shit, I didn't get a watch, Matt. But you gotta take a ride in a fucking Ferrari. Well, now I'm gonna come clean. That Ferrari was a hunk of junk. That thing was rickety and rockety.

• 14:06Speaker 01

  He's pissed he didn't get the watch.

• 14:08Speaker 04

  I think that Ferrari started the fire. So the Lamborghini, I think he knocked it into a tree and it just lit up like a pinto.

• 14:16H. Foley?

  That's alright.

• 14:17Speaker 01

  Aw, man.

• 14:17H. Foley?

  A lot of times those cars aren't that great, though, when you get in them. You're like, "It's fucking uncomfortable." I couldn't fit in it.

• 14:22Speaker 04

  No, the console's this big, air squinched up, and the, the, the fucking, uh-

• 14:26Speaker 01

  I don't get that.

• 14:27Speaker 04

  Wheel wells up your ass, the door goes up.

• 14:29H. Foley?

  Like a Lincoln Navigator.

• 14:29Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:30Speaker 01

  Shout out to a navigator.

• 14:31Speaker 04

  Here, here. I'm a Chevy Lumina man myself.

• 14:34Speaker 01

  Ooh, I like a Nissan Altima.

• 14:36H. Foley?

  Alright, let's do some cues.

• 14:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:37H. Foley?

  Got Mr. Norman here.

• 14:39Speaker 01

  Let's get to business. As you, as you guys know, when you sign up on the old Patreon over there, www.patreon.com/areyougarbage, uh, you get to answer, you get to ask your garbage question with either, uh, with sometimes a huge star such as Mark Norman to everybody.

• 14:54Speaker 04

  He's looking behind them. This guy's been in a Ferrari before.

• 14:57H. Foley?

  When does, when does, uh, the next page of the stage come out? Or is it already out?

• 15:00Speaker 01

  Uh, which by the way was fantastic.

• 15:02Speaker 04

  Thank you guys for doing that, by the way. That was, you guys killed it.

• 15:05Speaker 01

  I wanted to do that.

• 15:06Speaker 04

  I got more work done that night than fucking for the last six months.

• 15:08H. Foley?

  So much fun.

• 15:09Speaker 04

  Well, your real comics, you had ideas. I've done those before where a guy's like, uh, what's the couch and the sofa? What's up with that? You know, and you're like, come on, man.

• 15:16H. Foley?

  It's actually pretty good.

• 15:17Speaker 04

  That's not bad.

• 15:18Speaker 01

  Make me do your leader.

• 15:19Speaker 04

  That was daffigan. But, uh, yeah, no, you guys killed it. We did a, we did a premiere, page stage at Village East Cinemas. And you guys and Sal Volcano did a fun little joke writing session at the end. And that was a, that was a hot treat.

• 15:31H. Foley?

  It was a home run. Great job on a salad accuse. It was fantastic. Uh, doing it. Looked great.

• 15:35Speaker 04

  Killed it. Yeah. The next, uh, that's on Punch Up Live now. The next one, I think it's Michelle Wolf. Did one. So we're gonna try to mix it up and do other comics.

• 15:42H. Foley?

  Oh, there you go.

• 15:43Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 15:43Speaker 01

  Ah, that's great.

• 15:44H. Foley?

  Your producer hat on there.

• 15:46Speaker 04

  I'm trying. Trying to do a show. It's one of these shows that I'm like, how's this not around? It's, it's, uh, it's right there. It's a layup.

• 15:52H. Foley?

  Executive producer, Mark Norman. I like the sound of that.

• 15:55Speaker 04

  Trying, baby.

• 15:56H. Foley?

  Where do you park the Beamer, by the way? Do you have a garage at the house?

• 15:59Speaker 04

  I got a nice garage at the Atlantic Terminal in Brooklyn, right a block away from my house. It got broken into the first week and it's a fucking.

• 16:08Speaker 01

  In the garage?

• 16:08Speaker 04

  In the garage. And I asked the guy for the footage and he goes, oh, we don't do that. And I was like, alright, cool. And then the second week, I got it fixed. It's hard to get a fucking 50-year-old German window.

• 16:19Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 16:20Speaker 04

  So I had to send it to Jersey. I had to tow it out. There was a nightmare. Got it back. Got a boot on it.

• 16:25Speaker 01

  Jesus Christ.

• 16:26H. Foley?

  Is that the only car? Is that your only car?

• 16:28Speaker 01

  That's insane. You don't have like a 2022 Toyota.

• 16:32Speaker 04

  I should do that.

• 16:33Speaker 01

  For zipping around. You get them for like, it's like 80 bucks a month. You can get one.

• 16:37Speaker 04

  Really?

• 16:37Speaker 01

  I mean, you can get a huge, yeah, for sure.

• 16:39H. Foley?

  Sweet. Let's say it's a.

• 16:40Speaker 01

  Let's get, let's get Norman a car. Let's buy Norman a car today.

• 16:42Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 16:43Speaker 01

  We'll pay for it. It's a write-off.

• 16:45Speaker 04

  You gotta house it. That's the thing.

• 16:47H. Foley?

  Let's say it's a Sunday. You get home, whatever. She's like, hey, I wanna run to Target. I don't know, fucking in Queens.

• 16:53Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 16:53H. Foley?

  What are you doing?

• 16:54Speaker 04

  Uber.

• 16:55H. Foley?

  That's it?

• 16:56Speaker 04

  Well, you, you subway there, you Uber back.

• 16:58H. Foley?

  What if you gotta take the baby?

• 16:59Speaker 04

  You leave him in the car.

• 17:01Speaker 01

  He's gotta watch a car. I don't wanna get booted again.

• 17:04H. Foley?

  Have you been in a store or out in public with the baby?

• 17:07Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, every day. I do, I do a big walk every day with the little guy.

• 17:10H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 17:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, we bond.

• 17:12H. Foley?

  Grab a coffee?

• 17:13Speaker 04

  Coffee. I put one earbud with me, one earbud with him, and we're listening to the Cat Williams special.

• 17:19H. Foley?

  You don't put an earbud in a beer.

• 17:20Speaker 04

  No, no.

• 17:21Speaker 01

  That ear's tiny.

• 17:21Speaker 04

  What the fuck?

• 17:24H. Foley?

  Kim, let's talk about BILT.

• 17:25Speaker 01

  Shout out to BILT Rewards, baby.

• 17:27H. Foley?

  Attention renters, baby. If you haven't heard of BILT, you're about to thank me, earn your favorite airline miles and points through BILT just by paying your rent on time. Let me explain.

• 17:39Speaker 01

  Do it.

• 17:40H. Foley?

  Don't start freaking out on me. There's no cost to join, and just by paying your rent to unlock flexible points that can be transferred to your favorite hotels, airlines, a future rent payment, or your next Lyft ride, and more.

• 17:55Speaker 01

  And even more. Uh, when you pay your rent through BILT, you unlock two powerful benefits. First, you earn one of the industry's most valuable points on rent every month. No matter where you live or who your landlord is, your rent now works for you. Second, you gain access to exclusive neighborhood benefits in your city. Neighborhood benefits are things like, uh, extra points on dining out, complimentary post-workout shakes, free mats or towels at your favorite fitness studios.

• 18:21H. Foley?

  There you go.

• 18:22Speaker 01

  A unique experience that only BILT members can access. And here is the turkey, baby. Start paying rent through BILT and take advantage of your neighborhood benefits by going to joinbilt.com/garbage. That's joinbuilt, J-O-I-N-B-I-L-T, dot com slash garbage. Make sure to use our URL so they know that the boy sent you. joinbilt.com/garbage. Just sign up for BILT today. Do it.

• 18:46H. Foley?

  Kim, let's talk about Mudwater, baby.

• 18:48Speaker 01

  Shout out to that Mudwater.

• 18:49H. Foley?

  Let's talk about Mudwater. Gang, do you like your cup of joe in the morning? Sure, we all do, but then by 3, 4 o'clock, you think the goddamn feds are looking for you.

• 18:58Speaker 01

  I got two words: panic attack.

• 18:59H. Foley?

  Yeah, who needs that crap? Do yourself a favor, switch it up a little bit. All right, listen, everybody loves their cup of joe in the morning, but the jitters in the afternoon is no good. No thanks. I'll tell you that right now. I'm switching to Mudwater, because Mudwater is an absolute game changer, and it's not your average cup of joe. We're talking about a cozy little mix of cacao chai, turmeric, and adaptogenic mushrooms. You didn't think I knew that, did you?

• 19:23Speaker 01

  I didn't.

• 19:23H. Foley?

  I know about Lion's Mane.

• 19:25Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 19:25H. Foley?

  All right, I know about Focus. I know about Brain Frog. I want to be clear, I want to be thick and straight, and Mudwater absolutely helps you do it. It's smooth, it's steady, and honestly, it makes you feel good. Plus, it's ridiculously easy to make. A little bit of hot water, a little bit of hot milk, bang, you're all set, you're ready to go.

• 19:42Speaker 01

  Out the door, baby. Uh, every single ingredient in Mudwater products are 100% USDA certified, organic, non-GMO, gluten-free, vegan, and kosher.

• 19:50H. Foley?

  That's the good stuff.

• 19:51Speaker 01

  They got every... Body.

• 19:52H. Foley?

  Mazel.

• 19:52Speaker 01

  There's also zero sugar and no sweeteners added. Each ingredient in Mudwater serves a purpose with organic ingredients for a clean, natural boost. Mudwater's smooth and earthy flavors provide a delicious and natural source of energy, baby. Here's the turkey. Ready to make the switch to cleaner energy? Head to mudwtr.com and grab your starter kit today. Right now, our listeners get an exclusive deal of up to 43% off your entire order. Plus free shipping and a free rechargeable frother when you use the code garbage.

• 20:19H. Foley?

  That frother's no joke.

• 20:20Speaker 01

  That frother's no joke. That's right, up to 43% off with code garbage at M U D W T R dot com. After your purchase, they'll ask you how you found them, let them know the boy sent you, support the show. And let them know we, tell them garbage guys, what are you talking about? Keep your energy natural, had a stroke. Keep your energy natural and refreshing all year long with Mudwater. Because life's too short for anything less than clean, delicious energy, do it.

• 20:45H. Foley?

  That's right.

• 20:45Speaker 04

  What can you, what can we get Mr. Norman in today?

• 20:48Speaker 05

  He likes Nissan Altima's. I got a $10,000 murdered out Nissan Altima. 150 a month.

• 20:54Speaker 01

  150 a month. The problem is, which we learned, is you have to, you gotta, in New York, they get stolen, they get fucking fucked up. My car's been stolen. I had to go to a garage. But we bought a conversion van. We spent a lot of money on a conver, it's pretty fucking sick.

• 21:10Speaker 04

  Is that like an A-team?

• 21:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, but it's more like, it is, but it's like carpeted, there's like big executive seats in it. It's very, that's what we use, so we use it as like a tour bus.

• 21:20Speaker 04

  You got the captain chairs.

• 21:21Speaker 01

  Big two, big, all leather embroidered, they spin around to the back. The back goes into a bed, it's fucking sick.

• 21:27H. Foley?

  It's nice.

• 21:28Speaker 01

  It's very sick, but we bought it and it had five leaks in the roof. And like, so when it rains, the water comes in.

• 21:35Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 21:36Speaker 01

  And then, there we came, we found out there's nowhere to park it. Cause it's too high to fit in any garage.

• 21:41Speaker 04

  Ah.

• 21:41Speaker 01

  So there's no, we got turned away from like 15 fucking parking lots.

• 21:44Speaker 04

  What?

• 21:45H. Foley?

  You should get a nice minivan though for the family.

• 21:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:47H. Foley?

  The wife doesn't have a car?

• 21:49Speaker 01

  No, she can't drive, she's a woman. But, Sharia law.

• 21:53Speaker 04

  She's actually a horrible driver. Like, no joke, she had a Jetta and she wrecked it like four times.

• 21:58Speaker 01

  That's a hot girl car, a Jetta.

• 22:00Speaker 04

  That is a hot girl car.

• 22:02Speaker 05

  That's so true.

• 22:03H. Foley?

  Big time.

• 22:03Speaker 01

  And a Mitsubishi, any Mitsubishi.

• 22:05H. Foley?

  Mitsubishi.

• 22:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:06H. Foley?

  Mitsubishi, Mitsubishi Eclipse.

• 22:10Speaker 04

  Oh, that was a hot summer.

• 22:11H. Foley?

  That was like the pre-stripper car.

• 22:13Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 22:13H. Foley?

  Really?

• 22:14Speaker 04

  No way.

• 22:14Speaker 01

  She had a green eclipse.

• 22:18Speaker 04

  Hey, you're a good girl.

• 22:21Speaker 04

  She did well.

• 22:22Speaker 01

  She did well.

• 22:24Speaker 04

  Champagne coming to the stage. Those poor older, like, was she from the 90s?

• 22:27Speaker 01

  Was she from the 90s?

• 22:29Speaker 04

  I don't want to say her age, but...

• 22:31Speaker 01

  She's probably your age, yeah.

• 22:32Speaker 04

  Okay, 41.

• 22:33H. Foley?

  I know where you're going.

• 22:33Speaker 01

  She's probably 42.

• 22:34Speaker 04

  All right, those gals, they missed the OnlyFans train. Isn't that sad? I mean, I don't, you don't want your sister on OnlyFans, but... You have Greta Thunberg, if she has a hard week, she can just pop on there and clean up.

• 22:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, they don't have to, you know, do, yeah, it's true. They don't have to start responding to Craigslist ads.

• 22:50Speaker 04

  Exactly, exactly.

• 22:51H. Foley?

  And the hot chicks in college in the 90s were...

• 22:54Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 22:55H. Foley?

  Man.

• 22:55Speaker 01

  That's old guy shit. They were, they were hotter then.

• 22:58H. Foley?

  I remember getting, I remember getting the Sports Illustrated, uh, or no, was it?

• 23:01Speaker 04

  Have you seen these broads recently? Have you been on Instagram? What are you talking about?

• 23:07H. Foley?

  No, but do you remember the, uh...

• 23:08Speaker 04

  They're built different now. That's true.

• 23:10H. Foley?

  Was it Playboy that would go around and do the college?

• 23:12Speaker 04

  Yes, yes. Oh, yeah, even fucking Jenny from Forrest Gump got in one of those. Remember that? That was a scene.

• 23:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's a...

• 23:18H. Foley?

  Oh, yeah, that's right.

• 23:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:20Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 23:20Speaker 01

  She got in some trouble with her college sweater.

• 23:22Speaker 04

  Yes, that was the AIDS issue, but, uh...

• 23:25Speaker 01

  HIV monthly?

• 23:29H. Foley?

  Shout out to Jenny.

• 23:30Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. All right, let's get serious here for a second.

• 23:33H. Foley?

  Sorry, I ruined your Black Panther party.

• 23:36Speaker 01

  I remember going to my dad being like, "What the hell is a Black Panther party?" He's like, "Easy, easy."

• 23:41H. Foley?

  He's like, "Ask your mother."

• 23:44H. Foley?

  Goddamn jacuzzi. That's why they took it out.

• 23:49Speaker 01

  I bet we alluded to my mom's, the entertainment at a Black, at a Black Panther party?

• 23:54H. Foley?

  That's exactly what we're doing.

• 23:55Speaker 01

  She listens to the show.

• 23:57Speaker 04

  Luckily, it's not too deep.

• 23:59Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 23:59Speaker 04

  All right.

• 24:02Speaker 04

  Sorry, I cut you off there.

• 24:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, no.

• 24:06H. Foley?

  I believe we were trashing your family?

• 24:07Speaker 01

  Sure, yeah. Oh, man, everybody's getting it. All right, let's see, this one's from Project Pat. $10 homie, never had one read. Is it garbage to say you work for a business instead of at a business to sound classier? For example, I work for Exxon when you actually work at Exxon.

• 24:23Speaker 04

  That's a good move.

• 24:24Speaker 01

  That's really fucking good.

• 24:26Speaker 04

  Cause now we're picturing Enron or some shit. Like, you're in the office.

• 24:29Speaker 01

  You're in a shirt and tie, you're yelling, there's a graph, you're, you know, you got more responsibility.

• 24:34H. Foley?

  Yeah, also, I work with, I work with him.

• 24:37Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 24:37H. Foley?

  Instead of, he's my boss, I work with him.

• 24:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, they're a client of mine.

• 24:41H. Foley?

  Yeah, oh, yeah, client of mine, get the fuck out of here with that bullshit.

• 24:44Speaker 01

  I know.

• 24:45Speaker 04

  What are you talking about?

• 24:46Speaker 01

  I remember one time I used to work at a law firm and we were on the, I was on the call, the partner was like, I was in his office and I was doing all the grunt work and then he was like, I'm here with my colleague Kevin on a conference call. And I gotta tell you, I was, dude, it was even like, he was leaning back and he's like, I'm here with my colleague Kevin's on the call too.

• 25:04Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 25:05Speaker 01

  Dude, you couldn't have told me, meanwhile, I'm in dirty underwear and like, I'm fucking up so bad.

• 25:11Speaker 04

  Colleague is big.

• 25:13H. Foley?

  I would have asked for a raise as soon as that phone knocked up.

• 25:15Speaker 01

  We're gonna throw you on hold one quick for a minute, David?

• 25:18Speaker 04

  Ah, he's...

• 25:19H. Foley?

  Goddamn partner.

• 25:21Speaker 01

  Right.

• 25:21H. Foley?

  That's crazy. Client's good, associate's good too.

• 25:25Speaker 01

  Associate of mine, that's not, that's like, that's down talking, yeah, he's an associate of mine, that's like, he gets all you buy coke from.

• 25:32Speaker 04

  Cause I got an associate's degree, that's the shitty one, that's the two-year one.

• 25:36Speaker 01

  This is a bachelor of mine.

• 25:37H. Foley?

  Do you have an associate's?

• 25:39Speaker 04

  I got, I got the bachelor online.

• 25:40H. Foley?

  There you go.

• 25:41Speaker 04

  Finished it later. Devry, baby.

• 25:44Speaker 01

  Phoenix. I think we played you.

• 25:47H. Foley?

  Did you ever graduate from the film school that you went to? Was it New York Film School?

• 25:51Speaker 04

  I did, but you could do tiers, I did the two-year program.

• 25:54H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 25:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, you could do the four, you could do a six, I did the two, got in, got out.

• 25:58H. Foley?

  Six.

• 25:58Speaker 04

  I...

• 25:59H. Foley?

  Sucker.

• 26:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 26:02Speaker 01

  Oh man. Uh, alright, let's see. This might be, this is from Slappy $10 Disciplined Trash. Never had one read. Ever wrote something on a bathroom stall? I feel like you could have been tagging up back in the day.

• 26:14Speaker 04

  That was the original Twitter. You know, it was like, uh, I fucked Suzie and then you put an arrow. You're actually gay. And then, you know, for a good time. I mean, that was, that was it.

• 26:23Speaker 01

  You still see that sometimes now at like a seedy dive bar. You'll be like, this guy sucks. No, you're an asshole.

• 26:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, I love that.

• 26:29H. Foley?

  I used to see it all the time when I was waiting tables and I could never figure out who the fuck was in here with a marker like that. And they would like tag it up with like bad like gang things.

• 26:39Speaker 01

  There was a lot of that.

• 26:40H. Foley?

  It's a bear burger. What the fuck are you claiming your turf over here?

• 26:43Speaker 04

  Well, now you got the phone, so you're not even looking at the wall. Before you had nothing. You said your thoughts.

• 26:48H. Foley?

  I used to hate that shit. I hated that and I also hated, this is going back, but the kids at the arcade, they would take a lighter and they would burn the arcade machine.

• 26:57Speaker 01

  What?

• 26:57H. Foley?

  Just to get like a, like a burn streak in it.

• 27:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, I remember that.

• 27:01H. Foley?

  Fucking worst.

• 27:02Speaker 04

  I never saw that.

• 27:03H. Foley?

  Yeah, it's always when you're in a bad spot.

• 27:05Speaker 04

  Right, right.

• 27:06Speaker 01

  Bad part of them.

• 27:07Speaker 04

  I remember one time I was pissing at a urinal at Juan's Flying Burrito. I was shitfaced. This must have been...

• 27:12Speaker 01

  Where's that at?

• 27:13Speaker 04

  It's in New Orleans, on Magazine Street. It must have been, uh, 2001. And I saw a guy wrote, "The hottest girl in the world, some guy's tired of fucking her." And I was like... It was like fucking Confucius or some shit. I was, I don't know.

• 27:28Speaker 01

  I think he did say that, yeah.

• 27:30Speaker 04

  Yeah, I was 19. That blew my mind because I was like, I couldn't get laid. I was a nerd. I couldn't find pussy. And then that guy like made me feel a lot better.

• 27:37Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 27:39H. Foley?

  That and there's an old street joke of, uh, a guy's trapped on a desert island with Cindy Crawford. And they have sex for like two years. It's awesome. And then finally at like the end of two years, she's like, you know, "We've done everything. What do you want me to do now?" And he goes, "Hey, put this mustache on." And she puts the mustache on. He goes, "Guess who I'm fucking."

• 27:57Speaker 04

  I never heard that one.

• 27:58Speaker 01

  That's pretty good. We saw Cindy Crawford.

• 27:59H. Foley?

  Go ahead, you guys used that. Oh yeah, we saw it.

• 28:01Speaker 04

  We ruined her dinner.

• 28:02H. Foley?

  Ruined her meal.

• 28:03Speaker 04

  We ruined her dinner in LA.

• 28:05Speaker 01

  What, Foley eat it?

• 28:07H. Foley?

  Skinny broad, you're not gonna finish that.

• 28:10Speaker 04

  Breadsticks got my name on it. What happened? I mean, she was the one.

• 28:15Speaker 01

  And you know what's so funny? I'm such an idiot. And we had been drinking. We were like day drinking, then we went out to dinner. Luke's a cool young guy. He picked a cool young spot.

• 28:23H. Foley?

  Where we at Frankie and Johnny's?

• 28:24Speaker 04

  Marvin's.

• 28:25H. Foley?

  Marvin's.

• 28:26Speaker 01

  Out there, and uh...

• 28:27H. Foley?

  La La Land. Hollywood, goddamn Hollywood.

• 28:29Speaker 01

  Hollywood, you gotta show face a little bit, you know what I mean?

• 28:31Speaker 04

  Tinseltown.

• 28:32Speaker 01

  And uh, I was pretty fucked up, and they were sitting right behind me. We were like bumping, and it was just a bad scene. Like, we were like, you know...

• 28:37H. Foley?

  It was her, her daughter, her husband, and Austin Butler.

• 28:41Speaker 01

  So her husband also owns Casamigos. Uh, I did not know that.

• 28:44H. Foley?

  Oh yeah.

• 28:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, her daughter is also a famous supermodel.

• 28:48Speaker 04

  Kaia Gerber.

• 28:49Speaker 01

  Kaia Gerber.

• 28:50Speaker 04

  Pete Davidson.

• 28:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:51H. Foley?

  Really?

• 28:52Speaker 04

  They were, they had a little fling.

• 28:53H. Foley?

  Man.

• 28:54Speaker 04

  A tryst.

• 28:54H. Foley?

  I love him.

• 28:55Speaker 04

  Oh yeah, I wanna smell that hog.

• 28:57H. Foley?

  God, I love him.

• 28:59Speaker 04

  It was alright.

• 29:00H. Foley?

  Yeah. I got a thing with Gerber, too.

• 29:02Speaker 04

  He's hot, too.

• 29:03Speaker 01

  He doesn't like him.

• 29:04H. Foley?

  Nah, I like...

• 29:04Speaker 04

  Oh shit!

• 29:06Speaker 01

  This might ruin, we might not be able to get a table at Marvin's ever again.

• 29:09Speaker 04

  What?

• 29:10Speaker 01

  You start talking shit.

• 29:10Speaker 04

  What's wrong? You prefer burger?

• 29:14Speaker 01

  Randy Burger.

• 29:16Speaker 04

  Wait, what's up with you and uh, Gerber?

• 29:19H. Foley?

  Nothing, I don't even know the guy.

• 29:20Speaker 01

  He just doesn't like the advertisements, and he doesn't like that he's that close to George Clooney.

• 29:24H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 29:25Speaker 01

  He wants to be friends with Clooney.

• 29:26Speaker 04

  We all do.

• 29:27H. Foley?

  Cause the Casamigos got started, they were so rich and so cool, that it turns, they bought vacation homes in Mexico, and they kept saying they couldn't find a smooth tequila in Mexico. What are we talking about?

• 29:42Speaker 04

  That's hilarious.

• 29:43H. Foley?

  That's like not being able to find fucking Coke in Colombia. What are you, lying? You got bad hookup.

• 29:48Speaker 01

  Is he the guy on the ad?

• 29:50H. Foley?

  He's the guy on the motorcycle.

• 29:52Speaker 04

  He's the other guy.

• 29:52H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 29:53Speaker 04

  Always wonder who the fuck that was.

• 29:55H. Foley?

  He's a huge restaurateur.

• 29:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's a hunk, too.

• 29:57H. Foley?

  A hunk. He kicked the shit out of me, too. But they, they came up with Casamigos just for their friends.

• 30:04Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 30:05Speaker 01

  It's for friends.

• 30:06H. Foley?

  And then they...

• 30:07Speaker 01

  A friend's house, yeah.

• 30:07H. Foley?

  The story is that they made a big order, and the order was so big that they had to like get a license, if they were making that big of an order in bottles, like they ordered like a thousand bottles. So they were like, oh, let's just sell it to the public. It's fucking billion dollars they sold it for.

• 30:22Speaker 04

  A billion? I heard he gave fourteen friends a million each.

• 30:25H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 30:26Speaker 04

  That's not too shabby.

• 30:27H. Foley?

  Not too shabby.

• 30:29Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 30:29H. Foley?

  Don't get any ideas.

• 30:30Speaker 04

  What?

• 30:31H. Foley?

  Give it out a million bucks.

• 30:32Speaker 01

  I'm a poor Osos, man.

• 30:34H. Foley?

  Gentlemen.

• 30:36Speaker 01

  We, uh, but I saw Cindy, I walked back from the bathroom, pretty fucked up, and like I see her and I literally in my head, I went, that's a good looking older broad. That's all she read. At one point I was like in love with her. She was the hottest girl in the world. And that's how stupid I was. I was like, ah, that's a pretty good looking older broad. That's what she registered as. She's gorgeous.

• 30:51Speaker 04

  Still looking good. Hang in there. Real good.

• 30:53H. Foley?

  Yeah, we ruined their dinner. Fucking laughing, talking.

• 30:56Speaker 01

  Ah, yeah, one other bottle. Just like, you know. It was like.

• 31:02Speaker 04

  I will say, Cosby goes, not the best tequila.

• 31:04H. Foley?

  That's like a weird taste to it.

• 31:06Speaker 01

  Weird taste, got the vanilla taste and the hangover is brutal.

• 31:09H. Foley?

  And everybody uses it. That's the fucking, that's the go-to now.

• 31:13Speaker 01

  They got in as the tequila.

• 31:15H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 31:15Speaker 01

  Somehow.

• 31:16H. Foley?

  Crazy.

• 31:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:18H. Foley?

  I like a Don Julio, fucking, uh, 1942.

• 31:21Speaker 01

  I'm a Dega Cat man myself. Just saying, we got it on the shelf back there.

• 31:25Speaker 04

  Hey, oh, you got the old bottle. That's a vintage.

• 31:27Speaker 01

  Well, give me a new one.

• 31:28Speaker 04

  Ship it.

• 31:29Speaker 01

  Got it, fatty. I'll send it right over.

• 31:32Speaker 01

  Charge me for it. Oh shit, yeah.

• 31:34Speaker 04

  Thought that was understood.

• 31:37Speaker 01

  Shipping and handling. How you gonna start? How you gonna start the car?

• 31:40H. Foley?

  The wholesale prices.

• 31:43Speaker 01

  Uh, all right, let's see here. Uh, this is from Ethan, $10 contributor to the big man's 401K.

• 31:50H. Foley?

  Thank you.

• 31:50Speaker 01

  Never had one read. You guys ever have to throw drugs away at the airport?

• 31:54Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 31:55Speaker 01

  I'm not a, I'm not a narcotics man, but I, I picture, he, you don't throw, you don't throw them away.

• 32:01Speaker 04

  I ain't throwing away nothing.

• 32:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, he rides dirty.

• 32:03H. Foley?

  Up the butthole.

• 32:04Speaker 01

  Uh, what do you do? Will you throw it away or will you keep it or?

• 32:07Speaker 04

  I fucked up. I was hungover. I had a ton of shrooms in my bag.

• 32:10Speaker 01

  As a comic, as a comic, you get handed stuff.

• 32:12Speaker 04

  All the time. And I, I take it. Some guys like, I'm gonna take a shit from a stranger. I'm like, I'd prefer it from a stranger. Bring it on. Put it right in my ass. And I had a bunch of shrooms in my bag and Adderall and some other stuff.

• 32:24Speaker 01

  Fucking Dr. Feelgood over here.

• 32:26Speaker 04

  And I forgot. And I just, you know, I was hungover. I just sent it through the belt and it went through. And I realized like two days later, I opened the bag, you know, I get some shit out of there and I'm like, oh my God, I had the shrooms. And then I never cared again. Once I got through, but what fucked me was the border, Canadian border.

• 32:43Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 32:44H. Foley?

  They got you?

• 32:45Speaker 04

  They got me on a. Weed, dust, stem, seed from 1988 at a fucking rat concert.

• 32:52H. Foley?

  No shit.

• 32:53Speaker 04

  They found that shit.

• 32:54H. Foley?

  Round and round.

• 32:55Speaker 04

  They found it with the dog. The dog got it.

• 32:57H. Foley?

  And what did they say?

• 32:58Speaker 04

  I had to like be detained for six hours and they were like, it's so little, we'll let you go. I was doing just for laughs. But, another crazy story. I had a bunch of weed gummies, a bunch of shrooms in my bag, and I did a gig in Buffalo. And I had a Buffalo Friday, Montreal Saturday. And this kid goes, "I'll drive you up." It's like a two hour drive. Fuck flying, but you gotta get rid of the drugs. And I said, "No problem."

• 33:21Speaker 01

  They didn't do that.

• 33:22Speaker 04

  Right before the border, we went to a guy's backyard and we made a little hole. We found like a secret area. And we buried all the drugs. And I go, "Let's come back tomorrow and we'll get them." And he goes, "You got them."

• 33:34Speaker 01

  It's like Fargo.

• 33:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 33:35Speaker 01

  This is my deal, Norman.

• 33:36Speaker 04

  So we go over the border, the kid opens for me, he bombs, I drive.

• 33:43Speaker 04

  He drops me off or whatever. I do the gig and then he goes, "Uh, I'm gonna fly back." And I go, "Uh..." No, I go, "I'm gonna fly back, you, you drive back." And he went back and took all the drugs.

• 33:52H. Foley?

  There you go.

• 33:53Speaker 04

  So he got them.

• 33:54Speaker 01

  There you go.

• 33:55H. Foley?

  I think of shrooms, weed, whatever, coke, you're in trouble.

• 33:59Speaker 04

  Oh yeah, don't be that guy.

• 34:00H. Foley?

  Be fucked.

• 34:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 34:01Speaker 01

  I had friends take coke to Columbia one time.

• 34:04Speaker 04

  What?

• 34:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:05Speaker 04

  Sand to a beach.

• 34:06Speaker 01

  They land, and then he's like, "Yeah, but like, what if we couldn't get it in that first couple hours?" I'm like, "That's a pretty good."

• 34:11Speaker 04

  What?

• 34:12Speaker 01

  It's insane, but like-

• 34:13Speaker 04

  Taking gays to Fire Island. What are you doing?

• 34:16Speaker 01

  Gotta come correct.

• 34:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think they give it away.

• 34:19Speaker 01

  Well, I guess if it was like, "Oh, the numbers we got didn't..." Whatever it was, he had, uh, you know. Listen, everybody that was there was like, "You fucking idiot." And it was like, "All right, let's have some." Not me, I don't partake. I wasn't even there.

• 34:29H. Foley?

  They keep saying Columbia is gonna legalize cocaine.

• 34:31Speaker 01

  A possession it is. You're allowed to have like a certain, you know, like it's decriminalize. You're allowed to have like a gram on you or something.

• 34:37H. Foley?

  I would love to just try it down there.

• 34:38Speaker 04

  I know, it's so pure.

• 34:40H. Foley?

  It's gotta be.

• 34:41Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 34:41Speaker 01

  Let's go.

• 34:42H. Foley?

  It's gotta be awesome.

• 34:43Speaker 04

  I know, I bet it is. You've never, you've probably had some good stuff.

• 34:46H. Foley?

  Oh, 100%, but not fucking from the Garden of Eden, would you kid me?

• 34:51Speaker 01

  It's always Eden with this guy.

• 34:56Speaker 04

  Uh, alright, let's see here. This is from Brian. "Is it garbage if your go-to pizza takeout place happens to be from the local laser tag place?" Wow. That's, you're in a bad neighborhood if that's the case. Wow. Getting takeout from a fucking laser tag spot?

• 35:11H. Foley?

  Could be good, though.

• 35:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, but if you're, if you're a laser tag guy at this age, you're just practicing shooting. Sure. You know, you're gonna go back to the hood.

• 35:19H. Foley?

  Isn't that coming back a little bit? Aren't, aren't laser tag places kinda popular now?

• 35:23Speaker 04

  I don't think so.

• 35:24H. Foley?

  Like, paintball was?

• 35:26Speaker 04

  Is that right?

• 35:26H. Foley?

  I remember when laser tag first came out, like, I remember the actual product. Laser, it sucked.

• 35:31Speaker 04

  Oh, like, the one you get at the house?

• 35:32H. Foley?

  And all the rich kids had it. They all got it for Christmas one year, fucking.

• 35:36Speaker 04

  It was janky, 'cause you go, "I fucking hit you, man!"

• 35:38H. Foley?

  Yeah, it sucked.

• 35:38Speaker 04

  And you're like, "I didn't light up, fuck you."

• 35:39Speaker 01

  If you were more than eight feet away or something.

• 35:40H. Foley?

  Yeah, it wasn't like in the commercial. The gun was cool as shit, though.

• 35:43Speaker 04

  That's true, yeah.

• 35:44Speaker 01

  We had a place, The Ultra Zone. I mean, we must've been like, eight years old is when it hit, and I was by the mall, and I mean, it blew our fucking, it was like you were in space.

• 35:52Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 35:53Speaker 01

  It was like, there was a game master, and like, it was fucking, it was awesome.

• 35:58Speaker 04

  And then you got to see your score at the end, remember that?

• 36:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, "I shot you ten times," whatever it was, yeah. That was like, that was it. You might, you went as well, that was, that was like my Vietnam.

• 36:06H. Foley?

  Where's this guy from, this laser tag pizza?

• 36:08Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 36:09H. Foley?

  Check it out.

• 36:10Speaker 01

  (laughing).

• 36:10H. Foley?

  See what's up.

• 36:11Speaker 01

  You're on Zillow looking at real estate.

• 36:12H. Foley?

  It's probably good. It's probably like bowling alley pizza.

• 36:15Speaker 04

  I do like bad pizzas, so it's, you know, it could be, uh...

• 36:18H. Foley?

  Love bad pizza.

• 36:18Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, Chuck E. Cheese, all that shit. CC's, you guys have CC's?

• 36:22Speaker 01

  I've had CC's once. I was real fucked up at Penn State. That was the only time I've ever seen it, though.

• 36:26Speaker 04

  Oh, it's good.

• 36:27H. Foley?

  Never been.

• 36:27Speaker 04

  It's like five bucks, all you can eat.

• 36:28H. Foley?

  Never been to a CC's.

• 36:29Speaker 04

  There was all this pizza buffet, and then like, a little salad thing that no one touched. Sure.

• 36:35H. Foley?

  They're also the inventor of the dessert pizza.

• 36:37Speaker 04

  That's right, that's right.

• 36:39H. Foley?

  Everybody started copying it.

• 36:40Speaker 04

  That's your Elon Musk, that guy? (laughing). You got a photo of him at the house, framed?

• 36:46H. Foley?

  The churros pizza.

• 36:47Speaker 04

  This is, this is Giacomo CC.

• 36:50H. Foley?

  He was a great man.

• 36:55Speaker 01

  Papa John's wouldn't let him change the recipe, so he said fuck you and went out and started his own thing.

• 37:00Speaker 04

  You know who else is a real guy? Benihana. That's a real Asian dude.

• 37:02H. Foley?

  Of course, yeah.

• 37:03Speaker 01

  That's Steve Aoki's dad.

• 37:04Speaker 04

  That's right, that's right.

• 37:06Speaker 01

  But he vowed to like never, I don't know, apparently he was a bit of an asshole.

• 37:11Speaker 04

  Oh, really?

• 37:11Speaker 01

  Benihana was.

• 37:12Speaker 04

  I could see that.

• 37:13H. Foley?

  Well, he was, he got caught insider trading.

• 37:15Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 37:15H. Foley?

  Didn't he?

• 37:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, he fucked up Wolf of Wall Street.

• 37:18H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 37:18Speaker 04

  Really?

• 37:19Speaker 01

  Was essentially, because at the end of it, I believe that's a true story, and he did go to jail or whatever, he got in trouble. At the end of it, he goes, I don't, I'm never going to a Benihana, I don't care whose birthday it is. Because think about when Benihana hit, if you were a rich guy in New York or LA, that was probably the coolest fucking thing.

• 37:32H. Foley?

  Where everybody went.

• 37:32Speaker 01

  They're flipping shrimp around and stuff.

• 37:34Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 37:35H. Foley?

  I can't do it. I don't like eating around other people. Communal tables, no good.

• 37:40Speaker 04

  I'm with you. I don't like sharing. I hate tapas. I hate family style, because I just want it all.

• 37:45H. Foley?

  Family style I like, with people that I know.

• 37:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 37:48H. Foley?

  But me and my wife walked out of a, I made her walk out of a Chinese place down in Chinatown. Because maybe it's Jung Lee's or something like that.

• 37:56Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 37:57H. Foley?

  It's not O'Malley's, but I can't remember what the name of it was. We get in there and they're like, yeah, you're sitting here, and it's like a long picnic table with like fucking some family from Idaho. I was like, fuck that.

• 38:07Speaker 01

  The other side flies up.

• 38:08Speaker 04

  I'm with you.

• 38:09Speaker 01

  You sit down, the other side flies up.

• 38:12H. Foley?

  Yeah, I'm not sitting around other people.

• 38:14Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 38:14H. Foley?

  If you have the whole thing, yes.

• 38:15Speaker 01

  I hate that in New York, it's just so close. I went out to fucking brunch yesterday with my wife and it's like, you're just.

• 38:21Speaker 04

  I know.

• 38:21Speaker 01

  I'm like, I'd rather sit outside and eat over a mailbox than this. This is like, I can't talk, I can't like, I'm like. My wife would be like, asking me some like intimate que, not intimate, but like something, I'm like, shut the fuck up.

• 38:34H. Foley?

  Putting my business out there.

• 38:35Speaker 01

  Fucking airing out my dirty laundry.

• 38:37Speaker 04

  We're comedians, we want to say fucked up shit.

• 38:39Speaker 01

  I know.

• 38:40H. Foley?

  My wife keeps doing the thing very loudly, and this is my fault. This is my fault. I'm admitting this is my fault.

• 38:46Speaker 01

  Screaming when you jerk it?

• 38:48H. Foley?

  Are you done?

• 38:49Speaker 01

  Playing the fiddle?

• 38:49H. Foley?

  We go in and it's like, are you gonna be okay here? Are you gonna be alright? Are you gonna be comfortable here? Do you want us to move to the bigger table? Like saying it loud.

• 38:58Speaker 01

  That's awkward.

• 38:59H. Foley?

  Fucking chicks in here. Fucking tone it down.

• 39:01Speaker 01

  Wait, what are you, her dead nana? Like, you gonna be okay here, grandpa?

• 39:05H. Foley?

  Well, she knows how fat I am.

• 39:06Speaker 01

  It's more of a, it's more of a seating situation. I see.

• 39:09H. Foley?

  I had, I had them do that to me at a sushi place, uh, two weekends ago, where they moved me.

• 39:15Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 39:16H. Foley?

  They were like, don't you think you'd be more comfortable over there? Because, you know, you're, you're, you're kinda blocking the, the thing here for the, we don't want the servers bumping in.

• 39:22Speaker 01

  I got the fire marshal all over my back here, guy. You're gonna have to eat in the basement.

• 39:28H. Foley?

  Yeah, and they moved me over to a corner table.

• 39:30Speaker 01

  I picture you walking in, it's like Godzilla, they're all like, ahhhh! You're stepping on buildings and cars.

• 39:36H. Foley?

  The water's shaking in the glasses.

• 39:39H. Foley?

  Fucking bastards. Gang, this show is sponsored by Liquid IV.

• 39:43Speaker 01

  Say it again.

• 39:44H. Foley?

  This show is sponsored by Liquid IV.

• 39:46Speaker 01

  One more time!

• 39:47H. Foley?

  This show is sponsored by Liquid IV, and so is every hangover I've ever had.

• 39:51Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 39:51H. Foley?

  In the last six, seven months, man, I tell you, well, the last couple of years, what are we talking about?

• 39:56Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 39:56H. Foley?

  They're goddamn OGs at this point. We love our Liquid IV over here, gang, we tell it all the time. Now, listen, is it great for working out? Yes. Does it hydrate you three times faster than water? Yes, but what are we really using it for?

• 40:10Speaker 01

  Hanging.

• 40:10H. Foley?

  When you're hungover, when you're sicky, when you're sicky. It used to be, uh, cranberry juice when you were a kid. That's 1950's shit. I might as well be drinking that crap that they add up on the moon. Now, it's all about Liquid IV. When you're not feeling well, just put that in your Yeti or whatever you got. Chug in that, how you doing? I like the golden cherry.

• 40:30Speaker 01

  I had some this weekend, that new berry filling, dude, I'm telling you. One of them berries and a bacon, egg and cheese, I'm ready to fight my landlord, get out of the way.

• 40:40H. Foley?

  I am starting to eat with it.

• 40:42Speaker 01

  That's bad.

• 40:43H. Foley?

  I love it, dude.

• 40:44Speaker 01

  Uh, guys, get ready for summer with extraordinary hydration from Liquid IV. Get 20% off your first order of Liquid IV when you go to liquidiv.com. Uh, use the code garbage at checkout, you know it. That's 20% off your first order with code garbage at liquidiv.com. What are we doing? Go get your Liquid IV, stay hydrated, we love yous.

• 41:02H. Foley?

  Back to the show.

• 41:02Speaker 01

  Back to the show. Yeah, that's, I just hate, I hate, uh, I hate that shit. That's a tough one.

• 41:07H. Foley?

  It's like corporate steakhouse.

• 41:09Speaker 01

  Oh, do you have Benihana?

• 41:10H. Foley?

  Big seats.

• 41:11Speaker 04

  Big leather seats.

• 41:12Speaker 01

  Love that.

• 41:13Speaker 04

  Love it. The big red vinyl.

• 41:15Speaker 05

  Started by Rocky Aoki.

• 41:17Speaker 04

  Rocky Aoki.

• 41:17Speaker 05

  It's based off the, his parents', uh, tea shop in Japan, Benihana. That's where the name comes from.

• 41:24H. Foley?

  Pretty good.

• 41:24Speaker 04

  Okay, so he's not a Benihana?

• 41:26Speaker 05

  No.

• 41:26Speaker 04

  And you're, you're, you're one for two. He's batting 50% on real guys.

• 41:30H. Foley?

  Wait, did you think the guy's name was Benny? Like, his first name was Benny, his last name was Hana?

• 41:33Speaker 04

  A hundred percent.

• 41:34H. Foley?

  Oh, really?

• 41:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 41:36H. Foley?

  I thought that last name was Benihana.

• 41:37Speaker 05

  Did get jammed up for insider trading 1999.

• 41:39Speaker 04

  Ooh.

• 41:39Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 41:41Speaker 04

  That'll do it.

• 41:42Speaker 01

  I gotta say, we were talking about resorts. I went to a resort with my family, maybe like six months ago, and we went to the hibachi. Like, there's like an Italian place, a steak place, a hibachi place. You go to each place each night. And, uh, man, the hibachi, this guy fucking killed it. And it's not for... Us.

• 41:59Speaker 04

  It's for show.

• 42:00Speaker 01

  It's for show, it's for kids, it's for grandparents. And I mean, like, this guy fucking put on a goddamn show.

• 42:06Speaker 04

  Really?

• 42:06Speaker 01

  It was impressive.

• 42:07H. Foley?

  You agree some?

• 42:08Speaker 01

  They did, yeah. I was, uh, my brother took care of it. I didn't have any cash on me, you know what I mean?

• 42:13Speaker 04

  You know what's another tough one? It's hot pot. You ever do that?

• 42:15H. Foley?

  Love hot pot.

• 42:16Speaker 04

  I don't, I can't get into it.

• 42:18H. Foley?

  Really?

• 42:18Speaker 04

  Well, it's a giant cauldron of boiling oil, and you put a fucking squid head in there, and, uh...

• 42:25H. Foley?

  Where are you eating?

• 42:26Speaker 04

  One of their daughters, you know?

• 42:28Speaker 01

  Sounds like a racist term.

• 42:29Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:30H. Foley?

  I love hot pot. You get the spicy one, and you get soup. It's not oil.

• 42:34Speaker 04

  Oh, it's not?

• 42:35H. Foley?

  No, it's soup.

• 42:36Speaker 04

  It's so greasy. I don't know, there's something about it. I, I, I don't know. You take it out, it's a hazard. There's shit flying everywhere, there's water coming at you.

• 42:43Speaker 01

  Do you do a Korean barbecue where you go flip-flopping?

• 42:45Speaker 04

  I'll do that all day. I'll do that all day, yeah.

• 42:47Speaker 01

  That's all right.

• 42:48H. Foley?

  Love a Korean barbecue.

• 42:48Speaker 04

  Love it, love it.

• 42:50H. Foley?

  The best.

• 42:51Speaker 01

  Walk out smelling like a line cook, though.

• 42:52H. Foley?

  You do, yeah.

• 42:53Speaker 01

  You can't, like, you can't, like, run into, like, a comedy club after that and be like...

• 42:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, but it's just fun. You feel like Hunter Biden. You're just freebasing that shit all day.

• 43:00Speaker 01

  I know, it's great.

• 43:03Speaker 01

  I think I'm, like, really good at it, too.

• 43:04Speaker 04

  Right, right.

• 43:05Speaker 01

  I'm like, "We're in the weeds!" And I'm like, fucking, you know. I'm telling other people how to do it.

• 43:09Speaker 04

  Totally.

• 43:10H. Foley?

  Chopping it up with the scissors.

• 43:11Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 43:12H. Foley?

  Love that. All the stuff. I, the first time I went, I was like, "Oh, this shit's free."

• 43:16Speaker 04

  I know.

• 43:17H. Foley?

  And they just keep it coming.

• 43:18Speaker 04

  They keep it coming.

• 43:19Speaker 01

  I went to a place in Jersey, Fort Lee, which is, it's very Asian in Fort Lee, and we went with my, my Korean buddy, to a place that were like, they don't speak English. Like, they didn't even look at us.

• 43:29H. Foley?

  That's the best.

• 43:29Speaker 01

  They just went to him, and he was just like, hit us with it, and it was fucking fantastic.

• 43:34Speaker 04

  Hell, yeah. Is Lee the guy?

• 43:39Speaker 01

  Thought it was Robert E. Lee, turns out it's Young Lee.

• 43:42H. Foley?

  There's a lot of Asians in Fort Lee.

• 43:43Speaker 01

  Yes, that's what they said, very much so.

• 43:46H. Foley?

  Happy coincidence, I guess.

• 43:47Speaker 01

  What?

• 43:48H. Foley?

  Lee. Lee's an Asian name.

• 43:49Speaker 01

  That's what I'm saying. That was the bit. Well, they have a, they have a, the term for it over there that's relatively derogatory, I would say.

• 43:57Speaker 04

  Ooh, I can't wait.

• 43:58H. Foley?

  Fair enough.

• 43:59Speaker 04

  Hit me later.

• 44:00Speaker 01

  Sure, I'll text you.

• 44:01H. Foley?

  Over a little hot pot.

• 44:04Speaker 01

  Uh, this is from Hemi. Is it garbage if you can see three different McDonald's signs from your house?

• 44:09Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 44:10Speaker 01

  That's either, that's gotta, what, do you live at the airport? That's crazy.

• 44:13Speaker 04

  I know, right?

• 44:14Speaker 01

  That's a, that's a tough neighborhood.

• 44:16H. Foley?

  Or paradise.

• 44:18Speaker 05

  It does exist.

• 44:19Speaker 04

  The only way that's not trash is if you're in some crazy high-rise, you can see the whole city.

• 44:23Speaker 01

  Sure, yeah, if you're in like a penthouse.

• 44:25Speaker 04

  Right.

• 44:26Speaker 01

  Which I think that is, in New York, to have the floor-to-ceiling window is like, something I would love to have.

• 44:31Speaker 04

  Oh, that's big. You get the hobo right up on it, jerking it.

• 44:34Speaker 01

  Not on the first floor.

• 44:37Speaker 01

  At least on the second floor.

• 44:39H. Foley?

  Anytime that the fast food's that close to your house, you're in trouble.

• 44:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, McDonald, or, uh, Michael Jackson had a McDonald's in his mansion, remember that?

• 44:46H. Foley?

  Is that true?

• 44:47Speaker 04

  That's true. Give it a goog there, Lukey.

• 44:50H. Foley?

  Norman facts over here.

• 44:52Speaker 04

  I'm telling ya. You know, that's named after a guy.

• 44:55H. Foley?

  Who?

• 44:55Speaker 04

  McDonald's.

• 44:56H. Foley?

  Of course, the McDonald brothers.

• 44:59Speaker 01

  It was Gary McDonald.

• 45:01Speaker 04

  Carl's Jr., not a real guy, by the way. He wasn't his son.

• 45:04Speaker 01

  And Jack in the Box, real name is Randy.

• 45:06H. Foley?

  He wasn't, he wasn't his son. They were friends, that was it.

• 45:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, exactly.

• 45:12Speaker 05

  Bit of a wives tale. There's no evidence to back up that claim.

• 45:16H. Foley?

  Yeah, nobody has that. You gotta be people working there, you got trucks coming in and out. You can never keep it going.

• 45:21Speaker 04

  What was the claim again? I already forgot.

• 45:24Speaker 01

  It was your claim.

• 45:25H. Foley?

  The McDonald's in Michael Jackson's house.

• 45:27Speaker 04

  That wasn't real?

• 45:28H. Foley?

  No.

• 45:28Speaker 05

  No evidence of it.

• 45:29Speaker 04

  Maybe I'm thinking of Richie Rich.

• 45:30Speaker 01

  That was Richie Rich. Which, man, that was a great movie. I was the same age as that guy.

• 45:37H. Foley?

  I'm thinking of Richie Rich.

• 45:38Speaker 04

  Aw, man.

• 45:39Speaker 01

  I think, yeah, there was a claim, though.

• 45:41Speaker 04

  He was like the original Mr. Beast, you know, he could just make shit happen.

• 45:44H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 45:46Speaker 04

  Him and Blank Check.

• 45:47Speaker 01

  But now, we're dating.

• 45:49Speaker 04

  Blank Check was huge.

• 45:49Speaker 01

  But I just saw something, the, the broad in Blank Check who was a cop, who was like 30.

• 45:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:55Speaker 01

  Didn't she make out with him at the end of Blank Check?

• 45:57H. Foley?

  Who's Blank Check?

• 45:58Speaker 01

  I saw that. Blank Check, who's Gary Blank Check.

• 46:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 46:04Speaker 04

  He owns a hot pot place.

• 46:06H. Foley?

  Gary Blank Check Jr.

• 46:09H. Foley?

  Who's Blank Check?

• 46:09Speaker 04

  So Blank Check was this kid, uh, he was pretty savvy at computers. He got cra- he got ran over, he got hit in a parking lot on his bike.

• 46:17H. Foley?

  Wait, you know this guy?

• 46:18Speaker 04

  No, it's a movie.

• 46:19H. Foley?

  Oh, okay.

• 46:20Speaker 04

  In the 90s. He got hit on his bike by this guy who the cops were, he was trying to get away from the cops, is bad actor, bad character.

• 46:27Speaker 01

  Giamatti, was it?

• 46:28Speaker 04

  No, it was that, it was that guy who he-

• 46:30Speaker 05

  That's Big Fat Liar. I think it's, uh-

• 46:31Speaker 04

  Who smoked cigarettes like crazy. He had such a 90's cig face.

• 46:35Speaker 05

  Michael Lerner?

• 46:36H. Foley?

  The kid did?

• 46:37Speaker 04

  Probably.

• 46:37Speaker 05

  That kinda looks like Don DeVito.

• 46:39Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 46:40Speaker 01

  Ah.

• 46:41H. Foley?

  Michael Lerner.

• 46:42Speaker 04

  Don't you have the IMDb?

• 46:43Speaker 05

  That's what I'm looking at.

• 46:44Speaker 04

  This is, uh, we're going real deep.

• 46:45H. Foley?

  Oh, that guy's great.

• 46:47Speaker 04

  That's not that guy.

• 46:48H. Foley?

  That's the guy that, uh-

• 46:49Speaker 04

  That was another guy.

• 46:50H. Foley?

  He ran the, um, the agency that, uh, uh, James Caan worked in, uh, Elf.

• 46:58Speaker 04

  Oh, shit. Good pull.

• 47:01H. Foley?

  Love that guy.

• 47:01Speaker 04

  This guy. Michael Miguel Ferro.

• 47:03H. Foley?

  Oh, that guy's great.

• 47:04Speaker 04

  Robocop.

• 47:05H. Foley?

  Yes, Robocop.

• 47:07Speaker 04

  Um-

• 47:07H. Foley?

  Man, Robocop was vicious.

• 47:09Speaker 04

  That was dark.

• 47:10H. Foley?

  I had a hard time getting into, uh, That 70's Show, which I loved because of Red.

• 47:14Speaker 04

  And the Chinese restaurant.

• 47:15Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 47:16H. Foley?

  Because the dad was, dude, he was so good in Robocop and so mean and nasty.

• 47:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, that, that movie was just twisted.

• 47:23H. Foley?

  Fucking blow his head off.

• 47:24Speaker 04

  They got some like Swedish guy to sh- to direct it and he was like a gore nut. Maybe not Sw- German or something, forgot the guy's name. But he was like, "We're going all in." And they're like, the studio's like, "What are you, crazy? You're cutting a guy's head off? You're cutting a guy's balls off?" And he's like, "We're doing it." And it worked.

• 47:39H. Foley?

  So good.

• 47:40Speaker 05

  Paul Verhoeven.

• 47:40Speaker 04

  Paul Verhoeven.

• 47:42Speaker 05

  Dutch filmmaker.

• 47:43Speaker 04

  Dutch. Okay, thank you.

• 47:44H. Foley?

  Co-owner of Benihana.

• 47:46Speaker 01

  Only a couple of locations.

• 47:47Speaker 04

  Yeah. Sorry, we're going full, uh-

• 47:50Speaker 01

  No, it's all good.

• 47:51Speaker 04

  Movie time here.

• 47:52Speaker 01

  I love it. Went down a blank, that was a, I mean, went down a Blank Check fucking wormhole.

• 47:56Speaker 04

  At least these are all recent films. Thank God.

• 47:59Speaker 01

  Uh, alright, let's see here. Um, hmm, this is from Muscles Marinara. Have you or anyone you know ever said, "I'd rather be judged by 12 than carried by 6"? That is a dirtbag.

• 48:12H. Foley?

  What the fuck?

• 48:13Speaker 01

  Early 2000s, that was a rapper thing. A lot of Lloyd Bang, a lot of people would say that. "I'd rather be judged by 12 than carried by 6." That's why they keep the heater on them.

• 48:21H. Foley?

  You mean, "I'd rather be in court than be dead."

• 48:23Speaker 01

  Than carry, yeah. "I'd rather be judged by 12 by a jury for shooting you than you carried at my funeral by 6 friends."

• 48:30Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's kinda poetic.

• 48:32Speaker 01

  That's very "Time is money," you know, type, uh, type dirtbag. Get Richard Dyke, that was very early 2000s.

• 48:40H. Foley?

  Right, no sleep or whatever, "I'll sleep when I'm dead."

• 48:42Speaker 01

  Yes, uh, "You couldn't walk a mile in these shoes" type thing, you couldn't, you know, uh...

• 48:46H. Foley?

  "Another day short of a millionaire, another dollar short," whatever that was.

• 48:49Speaker 01

  I had a buddy, this kid was bad, he was like 4 years older than us. He would wear, he had a "Time is money" shirt with an actual dollar bill in it. And it said, "Time is money." And I remember we were down the shore...

• 49:02H. Foley?

  Those guys always had no money.

• 49:03Speaker 04

  Always. It's like whenever a girl's referred herself as a queen, I'm like, "You have no accomplishments."

• 49:09H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 49:09Speaker 01

  "You're a dumb bitch."

• 49:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 49:12Speaker 01

  And he was like, he wore to a bar in Wild, and we were down the shore, and I remember being like, "Dude, you just... You are going to get ridiculed the second you..."

• 49:20Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 49:21Speaker 01

  He like, didn't get that you were down the shore, and it was like, he was still dressed like a thug. I'm like, "No one's dressing like thugs down here."

• 49:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 49:27Speaker 01

  It was very like, we're at the beach, and he's fitted hat on, chain, and a "Time is money" t-shirt.

• 49:32H. Foley?

  Nah, don't go in the water.

• 49:34Speaker 01

  "I don't wanna mess with my Jordans." He's on the beach in sneakers.

• 49:37Speaker 04

  Remember Jabot? They, they had a bunch of clothes.

• 49:40Speaker 01

  Marcus J. Jabot, or whatever, I'd never, I can never get them.

• 49:43Speaker 04

  Real guy, but, uh, he had a fucking, like a license plate plaque on the back of the shirt, and that was big shit, back in the day.

• 49:51Speaker 01

  I don't remember that, I remember those jeans.

• 49:52H. Foley?

  Oh, I remember that.

• 49:53Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 49:54Speaker 01

  The broads or whatever. They had the, the jeans had the straps on the front.

• 49:57Speaker 04

  That's right.

• 49:57Speaker 01

  They were big.

• 49:58Speaker 04

  Big jeans.

• 49:59H. Foley?

  That early 2000s, man, that fashion was just bad.

• 50:02Speaker 01

  A lot of white kids trying to be black, is what it was.

• 50:04Speaker 04

  The wraparound sunglasses we're in, those shiny shirts, the button downs, the frosted tips. It was a dark time.

• 50:11H. Foley?

  The Ed Hardy t-shirts.

• 50:12Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 50:13Speaker 01

  Never that.

• 50:14Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 50:14Speaker 01

  High-tech tees though, you would get t-shirts from like, Express, that's where we'd go, we were like, dressing up. You'd get like, bootcut jeans and an Express t-shirt, and thought we were like...

• 50:23H. Foley?

  Bootcut jeans!

• 50:26Speaker 04

  Yes, yes.

• 50:27Speaker 01

  I got my apple bottom jeans on.

• 50:29Speaker 04

  What was that belt? Buckle. Remember Buckle? That store?

• 50:32Speaker 01

  No.

• 50:33Speaker 04

  Why? You don't know about Buckle?

• 50:34Speaker 01

  Johnny Buckle.

• 50:35Speaker 04

  Ah, it was an Amish store. They just made hats. But no, there was a store called Buckle that was like hot shit. It was all jeans and belts and straps. What were those big like, uh,

• 50:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:44Speaker 04

  Leather straps that I would wear?

• 50:46Speaker 01

  With like the two snaps on it and stuff?

• 50:47Speaker 04

  Yes. I never understood that thing.

• 50:50Speaker 01

  That was like very, that was like very Von Dutch era where it was like-

• 50:52Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 50:53Speaker 01

  Accessories became really big.

• 50:55H. Foley?

  Yeah. Von Dutch hats and girls wearing the fedoras.

• 50:58Speaker 04

  Right, right.

• 51:01Speaker 04

  Lot of, lot of black roots back then on a blonde lady.

• 51:05H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 51:06Speaker 01

  And on the Tonight Show.

• 51:10Speaker 01

  I can't not do wordplay when I'm with Norbert.

• 51:12Speaker 04

  I liked it.

• 51:13Speaker 01

  Uh, alright, this one's from Toady Slam Piece. Uh, at what age, well, at what age did you make your first Craigslist transaction?

• 51:21Speaker 04

  Ooh.

• 51:22Speaker 01

  My dad would drive me to buy things off Craigslist when I was in grade school. That seems young.

• 51:27Speaker 04

  Dangerous.

• 51:28Speaker 01

  But for the longest time Craigslist, I mean, obviously not now, but when we moved to New York, I mean, like, roommates were found on Craigslist.

• 51:34Speaker 04

  Hundred percent.

• 51:35Speaker 01

  There was no like apartments.com or Zillow, like, none of that shit existed. So it was, you would go to Craigslist, go apartment or room shared.

• 51:42Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 51:43Speaker 01

  Looking in whatever borough you wanted and go from there.

• 51:45Speaker 04

  I did a, I did Craigslist once or twice, never again. Cause I, I was just trying to get rid of shit. I'd be like, coffee table, four dollars. Uh, it was office chair, two bucks. And guys would come over and eyeball it and they'd go-

• 51:56Speaker 01

  Fifty cents.

• 51:57Speaker 04

  I'd go, "Let me, let me see it. Alright, can I sit in it? Yeah." And he goes, "I'll think about it." I'm like, "It's two dollars!"

• 52:02H. Foley?

  Think about it?

• 52:03Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 52:03Speaker 01

  I'll get back to you.

• 52:04Speaker 04

  Let me, let me noodle on it.

• 52:05H. Foley?

  I'm a guy on the street, lady.

• 52:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 52:08H. Foley?

  I was more of a men seeking men type of guy.

• 52:11Speaker 04

  Sure, that was out there.

• 52:12Speaker 01

  Woo wee.

• 52:13H. Foley?

  Miss Connections.

• 52:14Speaker 04

  Oh, those were hot.

• 52:16H. Foley?

  Women seeking women.

• 52:17Speaker 04

  Hell yeah.

• 52:17Speaker 01

  Miss Connections was big.

• 52:19Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 52:20Speaker 01

  That was steamy.

• 52:21Speaker 04

  That was a real lady, Miss Connection. I don't know if you know her. Look her up.

• 52:25Speaker 01

  He's the original franchisee. Man, I used to college, that always got to, I always got to a point every couple of years in my life when it was like, I had a pretty good job, so I would buy some stuff. I remember I had like a pretty expensive snowboard, not expensive, but like a couple hundred dollars where I'm like, "Oh, I don't snowboard anymore."

• 52:43Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 52:43Speaker 01

  I could get a couple hundred bucks for this.

• 52:45Speaker 04

  Totally.

• 52:45Speaker 01

  I would go and be like, "That'll get me through this month." And then I start selling like whatever electronic I had, real like crackhead type shit.

• 52:51Speaker 04

  Sure.

• 52:52H. Foley?

  Really, you would?

• 52:53Speaker 01

  I would, I remember selling my, my snowboard to a guy in, uh, in South Philly and he, dude, he pulls up. I was with my boy, I'm like, "Dude, just come with me." I don't think anything's gonna go bad, but like-

• 53:02H. Foley?

  For the buy?

• 53:03Speaker 01

  What?

• 53:03H. Foley?

  For the buy?

• 53:04Speaker 01

  And I, I get out and just like fucking, I don't know if he was in the, I wanted to be in the mo- like a young, he looked like he'd be an enforcer for The Sopranos, like, shit, when Sopranos was hot too. A shaved head, cut off fucking thing, he pulls up in an Escalade, parks in like two spots, hops out, he's like, "Uh, listen, I know I said three, but I can only do two."

• 53:23Speaker 04

  Yeah, of course.

• 53:24Speaker 01

  It was like him and his boys were going snowboarding that weekend and I'm like, "Ah, man, I don't know, like 250?" And he's like, "It's two." And I'm like looking at my buddy and my buddy's like, just like looking at the ground, I'm like, "Aight, man."

• 53:35H. Foley?

  Just give it to him, man!

• 53:39Speaker 01

  I'm like, "Aight, man."

• 53:39H. Foley?

  You don't snowboard anyway, you said-

• 53:41Speaker 01

  Two works, man.

• 53:42Speaker 04

  He was working on that the whole drive.

• 53:43Speaker 01

  Well, good he said two.

• 53:44Speaker 04

  You pussy!

• 53:45Speaker 01

  Pulled up, left the door open, music playing, like that's a guy who's gonna, he was at least showing like, "I'm a guy who will fight you in this parking lot."

• 53:52Speaker 04

  Come on! You could've hit him with the board!

• 53:54H. Foley?

  Hey, you should've said, "No, dude, I said three."

• 53:57Speaker 04

  Yeah!

• 53:58H. Foley?

  You go back to South Philly and tell your fucking goons, they try any rough stuff, I ain't no bandleader.

• 54:03Speaker 04

  Yeah!

• 54:05Speaker 01

  Your ragu skin, his olive oil voice.

• 54:09H. Foley?

  Alright, I'll do two.

• 54:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:12Speaker 04

  Fucking pussy.

• 54:15Speaker 04

  You could just walk back inside, you know?

• 54:17Speaker 01

  No! We had met him in the parking lot.

• 54:19Speaker 04

  Oh!

• 54:20Speaker 01

  I would've had to then put the board back in, zip it up in the bag.

• 54:23H. Foley?

  You probably needed the money for dinner, you probably were in front of a diner or something like that. "I already ordered, man!"

• 54:29Speaker 01

  They're gonna take my potato skins back if I'm not in there for five minutes with some cash.

• 54:34H. Foley?

  You're lucky I have another deal percolating inside.

• 54:40H. Foley?

  Tippy, come on.

• 54:42Speaker 01

  Listen, I'm not, I'm a bozo. What do you want from me?

• 54:45H. Foley?

  That guy probably told all his boys.

• 54:46Speaker 01

  I know.

• 54:47H. Foley?

  Hey, this fat kid from Temple.

• 54:50Speaker 01

  I mean, so, yeah, well, dude, this guy would have fucked me up. I pushed back. It's not like I let him take it for free. Still got 200 bucks out of the deal. Joke's on him, it was worth 100.

• 55:00Speaker 04

  Alright, alright. Take that, you slippery guinea.

• 55:11H. Foley?

  Alright.

• 55:11Speaker 01

  Okay, easy does it. Alright, this was from David. $10 jammed up homie. Is it garbage to take sand from the park and use it in your kid's sandbox?

• 55:20H. Foley?

  What the fuck?

• 55:20Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 55:22Speaker 01

  I don't...

• 55:23Speaker 04

  That's hilarious.

• 55:23H. Foley?

  Cigarette butts and shit like that?

• 55:26Speaker 01

  That's bad. It depends what park. New York City parks are bad. Like, there's just needles and cig butts, it's just...

• 55:33Speaker 04

  Hobo shits. It's like a litter box for a homeless.

• 55:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's tough.

• 55:36H. Foley?

  Even beaches, like, even like, like, you know, the nicest area where it's like the beach is supposed to be nice, it's been so many years of cigarette butts and cans. They're all gross.

• 55:48Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, dead birds and shit.

• 55:49H. Foley?

  Dead birds. Nasty.

• 55:52Speaker 01

  What are you, a psycho? There's dead bird, dead birds!

• 55:58H. Foley?

  Bootcut birds. Dead on the beach.

• 56:03Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's, I mean, it's resourceful, I guess, but you don't want to be that guy.

• 56:06H. Foley?

  You're a dirtball.

• 56:07Speaker 01

  We were always big. We always needed, I don't know why, but a lot of times in our life, we needed sand and we were never ones to buy it. Like, you could go to the Home Depot and get those bags of sand and we... Nah, there's sand down, and we would go somewhere to get sand.

• 56:22Speaker 04

  100%. We built a half-pipe in my backyard. The whole thing was stolen. All the plywood, all the coping. We'd just deal off construction sites.

• 56:29Speaker 01

  Dude, that was, that was most, I mean, same thing. We, you know, biked a lot and skated and all that stuff, and there was, they were building up these, you know, like, these cookie cutter McMansions in our, like, in our area. And we would just go and...

• 56:43Speaker 04

  Two by fours galore.

• 56:44Speaker 01

  They didn't care that the guys work in the job site. I mean, it was like a, now it's like a huge, it was Toll Brothers. It's a huge fucking corporation. So they were just like, we don't give a fuck.

• 56:51Speaker 04

  Right.

• 56:52Speaker 01

  Take it.

• 56:53Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 56:53Speaker 01

  Plywood, we would take the tools.

• 56:55Speaker 04

  Oh, wow.

• 56:56Speaker 01

  Anything.

• 56:57Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 56:57Speaker 01

  They would just leave it and we would just go in and ransack it.

• 56:59Speaker 04

  It was a grab bag.

• 57:00Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 57:01H. Foley?

  Till some kid fell into the unfinished basement.

• 57:03Speaker 01

  That did happen. Shout out to Chris. Broke his fucking hips and pelvis.

• 57:08H. Foley?

  That was a rough fall, man.

• 57:12Speaker 01

  That, one of my favorite things ever. We took a, we found a box of caulk. And just took it and smashed it all over the walls and it was just caulk-ing things to the wall of the basement. It was like the funnest thing for a 12-year-old kid.

• 57:24Speaker 04

  That's a good time.

• 57:25Speaker 01

  Just throwing, so we'd just stick in it.

• 57:27Speaker 04

  Pre-internet, man. We had to get creative.

• 57:29Speaker 01

  We had to, man.

• 57:30H. Foley?

  Imagine that contractor showing up Monday morning like, fuck off.

• 57:33Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, true. Dude, at one point we found the keys for the backhoe, like the little.

• 57:37Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 57:38Speaker 01

  I mean, it was like, cause at four o'clock, they left and we would sit up on the ridge like we were Indians.

• 57:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 57:44Speaker 01

  Waiting for the cowboys to leave. We'd sit up on top of this hill all on our bikes and they'd all get in their trucks and leave and we'd just fucking descend up on the town.

• 57:51Speaker 04

  It's the best.

• 57:52Speaker 01

  And just fucking do whatever the fuck we wanted.

• 57:55Speaker 04

  You had to make fun, like you would find a, an old shopping cart on a Saturday morning and you're like, this is our day.

• 58:00Speaker 01

  That was four hours.

• 58:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 58:01Speaker 01

  That was four hours.

• 58:02Speaker 04

  Down a hill.

• 58:02Speaker 01

  End up in a bush, whipping around.

• 58:05Speaker 04

  Laughing the whole way.

• 58:06Speaker 01

  We found a Christmas tree one time. Dude, somebody had taken their Christmas tree and pulled it into the woods to like get rid of it.

• 58:12Speaker 04

  Uh huh.

• 58:13Speaker 01

  And, uh, it had like, the end of it had sat in water, so it like sustained, kind of. And we found it, we were like, we pulled it out of the water. We're like, let's let this thing dry out for a couple of days, cause we are going to set it on fire.

• 58:27Speaker 04

  Oh, hell yeah.

• 58:29Speaker 01

  Let it dry out. My boy Pat and Flip found it on like Monday. They came in with like, they, they told us all around the lunch table, like they got a score. They're like, we got a Christmas tree. We're gonna let it dry out for, on Friday, everybody come over.

• 58:41Speaker 04

  This is your Lufthansa ice?

• 58:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:45H. Foley?

  When you said it was still good, I thought you maybe were gonna like put it up and decorate it.

• 58:48Speaker 01

  I thought so too. I was like, what are you gonna do with this thing?

• 58:50H. Foley?

  Sitting around, start doing a, a white elephant?

• 58:54Speaker 01

  I hope I was good this year.

• 58:55Speaker 04

  I mean, what are you, you Jewish friends? I'm like, we're burning this fucking thing. I'm pissed.

• 58:59Speaker 01

  I mean, you're looking for stuff to do.

• 59:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, I guess so.

• 59:02H. Foley?

  A dry Christmas tree, that thing goes up.

• 59:04Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 59:06Speaker 04

  It's a wick.

• 59:07Speaker 01

  That, we would steal all the PVC, once they started doing the plumbing, we'd steal the PVC and make three-foot bongs with it.

• 59:13Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 59:14Speaker 01

  We would take caulk, caulk it up, make the bongs.

• 59:15H. Foley?

  You ever set a fire in the woods and it gets a little too, for like a second, you're like, "Oh, God."

• 59:20Speaker 01

  You really find out what you're made of.

• 59:21Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 59:22Speaker 01

  And I do my fight-or-flight response, "Ain't good."

• 59:25Speaker 04

  No, no.

• 59:25Speaker 01

  I take off.

• 59:26H. Foley?

  That and shooting stuff with a BB gun, you find out what you're made of.

• 59:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, that fucking red breast is getting it.

• 59:31H. Foley?

  Yeah, and then you hit it and you're still, "I can't believe I killed you."

• 59:36Speaker 04

  That's like Luigi, probably how he felt.

• 59:39Speaker 01

  I can't believe I hit it.

• 59:42H. Foley?

  I thought it would move.

• 59:45Speaker 01

  Alright, let's see, we got time for one more here. This was from Chase Lee. First time, long time, $10 homie. "Is it garbage to bring a frozen margarita machine to your mother's wake?"

• 59:52Speaker 04

  Wow, that's a hell of a sentence.

• 59:55Speaker 01

  That's a good party, though.

• 59:56Speaker 04

  True.

• 59:57Speaker 01

  I come from a boozin' family, so that kind, like, we're drinking before, after, like, we're, I, listen. It's the what you would've wanted, I'm sure.

• 1:00:06H. Foley?

  I know, but you just hear somebody in the living room making like a poetic speech and just...

• 1:00:13Speaker 04

  I'll tell you, he's getting one of those as Clooney when he dies. That fucking Casamigos is going right in there.

• 1:00:18Speaker 01

  Run it up.

• 1:00:18Speaker 04

  I'm putting his ashes in there and drinking it.

• 1:00:21Speaker 01

  Live forever, babe. Uh, yeah, but that's it, we gotta wrap it up, gang.

• 1:00:25H. Foley?

  What a fun one.

• 1:00:25Speaker 01

  Always great having...

• 1:00:27H. Foley?

  Always great to have Uncle Mark in the house.

• 1:00:28Speaker 01

  You ain't lying, baby.

• 1:00:29Speaker 04

  Pleasure to be back.

• 1:00:30H. Foley?

  Uh, we got anything coming out, hit 'em.

• 1:00:32Speaker 04

  Hey!

• 1:00:32Speaker 01

  This is coming out this week, so, today's.

• 1:00:34H. Foley?

  Fresh.

• 1:00:35Speaker 04

  I'm, uh, going to the UK, I'm going all over the, uh, the limy, foggy London town, and I'm going to Belfast, and Glasgow, and all that, and, uh, London, and Cardiff, and then I'm going to Australia later in the year, just trying to get away from this child.

• 1:00:48Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 1:00:49Speaker 04

  And, uh, yeah, so come on out, marknowingcomedy.com, all kinds of dates coming all over the, the US, too.

• 1:00:55H. Foley?

  Love it.

• 1:00:55Speaker 04

  Tuesday's stories, we might be drunk, praise Allah.

• 1:00:57H. Foley?

  You're the best, buddy, we love having you. Kippee, what do you got for him?

• 1:01:00Speaker 01

  Uh, guys, we are on the road next week, there's just a few tickets left for Cleveland, that's it, the second show added there, then we are announcing our fall dates coming up very soon.

• 1:01:10H. Foley?

  Got a big one coming, gang.

• 1:01:11Speaker 01

  Yes, there's a link in the description of this episode, click that, let us know if you live in any of the cities, uh...

• 1:01:16H. Foley?

  Watchroot66 on the YouTube page.

• 1:01:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:18H. Foley?

  Grab some, uh, some cards of the new, uh, card.

• 1:01:21Speaker 01

  The card game's out.

• 1:01:21H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, and, uh, that's it, we love yous.

• 1:01:24H. Foley?

  We love you.

• 1:01:24Speaker 04

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:01:25H. Foley?

  Peace.