Are You Having Trouble With These Changes? | Practice Letting Go

Culture has changed. Technology has changed. Work has changed. Politics have changed. The environment has changed. You think these changes could have been prevented. Yet what you’re forgetting is that this is how it’s always been. 👉 Support the podcast and go deeper into Stoicism by subscribing toThe Daily Stoic Premium https://dailystoic.supercast.com/ - unlock ad-free listening, early access, and bonus content:https://dailystoic.supercast.com/ 📕 Our favorite translation of Seneca’s essays on grief and loss, Hardship and Happiness (The Complete Works of Lucius Annaeus Seneca) https://www.thepaintedporch.com/products/hardship-and-happiness-the-complete-works-of-lucius-annaeus-seneca?_pos=2&_sid=bea088ede&_ss=r is available at The Painted Porch | https://www.thepaintedporch.com/ https://www.thepaintedporch.com/products/hardship-and-happiness-the-complete-works-of-lucius-annaeus-seneca?_pos=2&_sid=bea088ede&_ss=r 📓 If you liked today's episode, you'll love The Daily Stoic Journal: The Daily Stoic Journal: 366 Days of Writing and Reflection on The Art of Living: https://store.dailystoic.com/products/the-daily-stoic-journal-signed-edition https://store.dailystoic.com/ https://store.dailystoic.com/ 🎥 Watch the video episodes on The Daily Stoic YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/@DailyStoic/videos: https://www.youtube.com/@DailyStoic/videos https://www.youtube.com/@DailyStoic/videos 🎙️ Follow The Daily Stoic Podcast on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/dailystoicpodcast/?hl=en: https://www.instagram.com/dailystoicpodcast https://www.instagram.com/dailystoicpodcast ✉️ Want Stoic wisdom delivered to your inbox daily? Sign up for the FREE Daily Stoic email at https://dailystoic.com/dailyemail https://dailystoic.com/dailyemail 🏛 Get Stoic inspired books, medallions, and prints to remember these lessons at the Daily Stoic Store: https://store.dailystoic.com/ https://store.dailystoic.com/ 📱 Follow us: Instagram https://www.instagram.com/dailystoic/, Twitter https://twitter.com/dailystoic, YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@DailyStoic, TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@daily_stoic?lang=en, and Facebook https://www.facebook.com/dailystoic See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:05Ryan Holiday?

  Welcome to the Daily Stoic Podcast, where each day we bring you a Stoic-inspired meditation, designed to help you find strength and insight and wisdom into everyday life. Each one of these episodes is based on the 2,000-year-old philosophy that has guided some of history's greatest men and women, help you learn from them, to follow in their example, and to start your day off with a little dose of courage and discipline and justice and wisdom. For more, visit DailyStoic.com.

• 0:56Ryan Holiday?

  Are you having trouble with these changes? It's a lot. Culture has changed. Technology has changed. Work has changed. Politics have changed. The environment has changed. And we're having trouble dealing with some of these changes, living with these changes, that we didn't ask for. You know, maybe they could have been prevented, but what we forget when we complain about change is that it's always been this way. In fact, nothing has really changed at all. We can imagine Marcus Aurelius reminding us, because change is a constant from his time to ours. Indeed, can you think of any time in history where culture was not changing?

• 1:41Ryan Holiday?

  When technology wasn't changing things? When the economy wasn't shifting? When politicians weren't coming and going from office? When policies weren't falling in and out of favor? When the world around us wasn't changing? Whether it was from storms or man-made causes? In fact, you wouldn't be here right now if not for those changes, as Marcus Aurelius points out in Meditations. We are here as a result of the ceaseless, merciless, but also sometimes wonderful, river of change that flows through the world. And we are here because whether people liked all those changes or not, they've figured out how to endure and survive and even thrive within it. We are here because someone protected us and took care of us during

• 2:22Ryan Holiday?

  the scary changes that surrounded our childhood and our vulnerable years. And now we must figure out how to do the same, how to endure and survive and thrive, how to accept and accommodate, how to protect and stay good, how to stay sane, how to stay focused and flexible, how to change with all these changes.

• 2:54Ryan Holiday?

  Practice letting go. We suffer when we lose things we love. We suffer most when we lose people we love, a natural and unavoidable part of life. The Stoics say this suffering is increased by our belief that we possess the objects of our love, that they are, as we like to say, a part of us. This belief doesn't increase our love or care for them, but rather it is a form of clinging that ignores the simple fact that we don't control what will happen, not to our bodies, let alone to the ones we love. Epictetus taught a powerful exercise that every time you wish a dear child, family member, or friend goodnight, remember that these people are like precious, breakable glass, and remember how dramatically things can change while you sleep.

• 3:39Ryan Holiday?

  Marcus II struggled to practice this with his own family as he tucked them in at night. The point isn't to be morbid, but to create a sense of appreciation and a kind of humility. Don't take anyone, especially someone you love, for granted this week. When you experience the pangs of losing someone, don't treat it like a part of yourself, but as a breakable glass, so that when it falls, you will remember that and you won't be troubled. So too, whenever you kiss your child, sibling, or friend, don't layer on top of the experience all the things you might wish, but hold them back and stop them, just as those who ride behind triumphant generals remind them that they are mortal. In the same way, remind yourself that your precious one isn't one of your possessions,

• 4:22Ryan Holiday?

  but something given for now, not forever. That's Epictetus, the discourses. But the wise person can lose nothing. Such a person has everything stored up for themselves, leaving nothing to fortune. Their own goods are held firm, bound in virtue, which requires nothing from chance, and therefore can't be either increased or diminished. And that's Seneca on the firmness of the wise. The reality is, nothing is here forever. Things can be taken from us. The things we love can go missing, can get hurt, can be lost. The possessions we cherish can break, be stolen, be damaged beyond repair. The Stoics wanted us to be prepared for this, not callously, not as kind of detached.

• 5:05Ryan Holiday?

  But if we think about this exercise of Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus, who are reminding themselves as they tuck their kids into bed, that this could be the last time they see them. But the point of that wasn't to make the pain of losing the children, and Marcus Aurelius did lose many children before adulthood, which is an incredible expression to even be able to say, like, it's like more than five, probably less than seven kids, we're not totally sure, but had to bury not just one child, but more than one child. The fact that he did this exercise did not make that less painful. That's not what this is about at all. It's that he got every minute that he could with those children. When I think about tucking my children into bed and I do this, it reminds me not to rush through it.

• 5:49Ryan Holiday?

  It reminds me not to prioritize getting back to Netflix or answering my email as somehow being more important than reading another story to my boy, or just laying there, listening to him sleep. It's to fully drink in and be present while we're here. So obviously, I hope that no one loses anyone, but I can't guarantee that. I can't, no one can prevent that fully from happening. That's just the reality of being a fragile human being. What we can do is not take those people for granted while they are here. What we can do is tell them what we feel about them while they're here. What we can do is be our best selves while they are here.

• 6:32Ryan Holiday?

  And we can, when we do lose them or lose things, have to accept that this is a part of life. This is the bargain that we made at birth, right? Nothing lasts forever. Nothing is ours fully. And that these are all rentals and the bill comes due or they have to be returned at some point. I do recommend if you are struggling, if you have lost someone, you know, the Stoic doesn't say stuff that grief down and pretend that it doesn't exist. It's process it, work through it. I would strongly recommend some of Seneca's essays, his consolations. He wrote one to his mother. He wrote one to the loss of a friend who lost her father. You can also just Google Seneca grief, Daily Stoic, and I think our sort of piece on it comes up.

• 7:17Ryan Holiday?

  But I've returned to those essays over and over again. Plutarch has a beautiful little consolation to his wife after they lost a child. The ancient world was cruel, but you know, the modern world isn't that much kinder or less apprecious. So be safe, be smart. You know, this isn't to say don't wear a mask and go around and be stupid. No, it's saying that do everything you can that's in your control. Just be aware that a good chunk of what happens is not in your control. And that's why we can't take anything for granted. It's why we can't rush through. It's why we can't waste time. Got to be there, be there for people, be there for yourself, be smart, practice letting go, be prepared and love, love, love while you still can.

• 8:02Ryan Holiday?

  Also, there is a great Philip Larkin poem about, I think it's called The Hedgehog, about loving and being kind while there's still time. So if I leave you with one more recommendation, it would be that and we will talk next week.

• 8:20Ryan Holiday?

  Hey, it's Ryan. Thank you for listening to the Daily Stoic Podcast. I just wanted to say we so appreciate it. We love serving you. It's amazing to us that over 30 million people have downloaded these episodes in the couple of years we've been doing it. It's an honor. Please spread the word, tell people about it. And this isn't to sell anything. I just wanted to say thank you.