#141 - Alyssa Limperis and JP McDade

Alyssa Limperis and JP McDade join the pod to discuss transformative suburban basements, living in extremely close quarters with family, running track, reliving the glory days, longing for home, Boston, Dunkin' Donuts, commercials with Tom Brady, and much more. Alyssa, JP and Stav help callers including a woman wondering if she should continue to date a convicted ex-felon, and a guy who doesn't like that his girlfriend gets regular massages from a male masseuse. Follow Alyssa Limperis on social media: https://www.instagram.com/alyssalimp https://x.com/alyssalimp Follow JP McDade on social media: https://twitter.com/jp_mcdade https://www.instagram.com/mcdadebaby Visit https://bluechew.com/ and use promo code STAVVY to try your first month of BlueChew FREE -- just pay $5 shipping. Exclusive $35-off Carver Mat at https://AuraFrames.com/. Use code STAVVY at checkout to save! Eat smart with Factor. Head to https://www.factormeals.com/stavvy50off and use code STAVVY50OFF to get 50% off your first box plus free shipping. Get a free trial at https://www.shipstation.com/stavvy. Thanks to ShipStation for sponsoring the show! Get a refreshing Twisted Tea today. Keep It Twisted!! Visit https://www.twistedtea.com/locations to find Twisted Tea near you. 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets 🎥 Rent or buy LET'S START A CULT at https://stavvy.biz/movie ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld ☎️ Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  This podcast is supported by Nurtec ODT, Remedy Pant. We know you didn't ask for an interruption, but migraine doesn't wait for the right moment to interrupt either. It just barges in, takes your time, and throws everything off. So when migraine takes your time, take Nurtec. It's for the acute treatment of migraine with or without aura in adults. Nurtec can provide pain relief in two hours, which can last up to two days. Ask your healthcare provider if Nurtec is right for you, because your time is for you, not migraine. Don't take if allergic to Nurtec ODT. Allergic reactions can occur even days after use. Get help right away for trouble breathing, rash, swelling of face, mouth, tongue, or throat. High blood pressure and Raynaud's syndrome can occur. Get help for high blood pressure, numbness, coolness, pain,

• 0:45Speaker 00

  or color changes in fingers and toes. Common side effect is nausea. For full prescribing information, call 1-833-4-NURTEC or visit Nurtec.com. All right, back to your podcast, playlist, or whatever's keeping you going today.

• 1:02Speaker 01

  At Lowe's, this Veterans Day and every day, military members, veterans, and their spouses get automatic Milo's Rewards Silver Status Benefits. Plus, 10% off eligible purchases with no annual limit. It's one way we honor and give back to those who have served and still do. Learn more and verify now at Lowe's.com/military. 10% discount can't be combined with another offer. Exclusions, terms, and conditions apply. Loyalty program subject to terms and conditions. Details at Lowe's.com/TERMS. Subject to change.

• 1:31Stavros Halkias?

  Opah, welcome everybody to Stavi's World. 904-800-Stavi, call in, we'll solve all your problems. We've got a power couch today. We're double Greek'd up.

• 1:44Speaker 03

  I can't even-

• 1:45Stavros Halkias?

  Alyssa in Paris.

• 1:46Speaker 03

  The opah, the background, the music, I think it's Sunday, it feels so good.

• 1:51Stavros Halkias?

  Don't you feel powerful right now?

• 1:52Speaker 03

  I do feel like we should, yeah, it's a little bit like-

• 1:54Speaker 04

  I have outnumbered myself, yes, this is a mistake, I think.

• 1:58Stavros Halkias?

  We have two Greeks, we have our Albanian servant in the corner, shoving everything up, and then we have an out-of-place Irishman.

• 2:05Speaker 04

  They're trying to restore order to this chaotic environment.

• 2:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's probably good.

• 2:11Speaker 04

  That'll probably do it.

• 2:12Stavros Halkias?

  Nah, we don't need your fucking Catholic vibes, fucking everything up.

• 2:16Speaker 03

  Even this, like, is this a joke? Like, to me, I'm like, that's beautiful.

• 2:18Stavros Halkias?

  It's beautiful, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I know because I do think, this is over the top, but I'm also like, I would love to have a painting of the ocean.

• 2:27Speaker 03

  Of course.

• 2:28Stavros Halkias?

  And like, those corny, like, those corny, like, there's a window and drapes blowing in the painting.

• 2:34Speaker 03

  Of course.

• 2:34Stavros Halkias?

  I see that, I'm like, yeah, that's fucking art.

• 2:37Speaker 03

  My art, right, I don't, yeah, I don't.

• 2:39Stavros Halkias?

  I wanna look at that and pretend I'm on the fucking beach.

• 2:40Speaker 03

  That's right. How about this, growing up, I had a window in my basement that was beautiful curtains and, uh, not a window.

• 2:50Stavros Halkias?

  Not a window.

• 2:51Speaker 03

  A fake out. It was a fake window. Yeah, just for the aesthetic.

• 2:55Stavros Halkias?

  What did it, it was just on the wall?

• 2:56Speaker 04

  It was like that.

• 2:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, concrete, it was in the basement. So, yeah, full concrete, yeah, yeah.

• 3:02Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome. Was that your, was, were those your chambers, or was that like a hangout room?

• 3:06Speaker 03

  The hangout room, a finished basement.

• 3:08Stavros Halkias?

  Finished basement.

• 3:08Speaker 04

  Ping pong table?

• 3:09Speaker 03

  We, we had a ping pong table that you could take off and become a pool table.

• 3:14Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, I mean, that's, that's incredible.

• 3:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:17Stavros Halkias?

  That's like, that's.

• 3:18Speaker 04

  The convertible.

• 3:18Speaker 03

  The convertible, yeah.

• 3:19Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking gold star suburban basement.

• 3:22Speaker 03

  I was thinking, cause I live in LA now, and I'm like, I miss, do you guys have basements here? Like, do you guys ever find yourself in a finished basement?

• 3:27Speaker 04

  No, not here, no.

• 3:28Speaker 03

  I miss it.

• 3:29Speaker 04

  Not in the city.

• 3:29Stavros Halkias?

  The basement is a complete, like, I will say the two things, this came up recently because, um, uh, it's summertime, it was 4th of July. The things the suburbs crush New York on, without question, is 4th of July.

• 3:42Speaker 03

  Absolutely.

• 3:42Stavros Halkias?

  It's the most suburbs holiday there possibly is, big backyard, shitty grill you bought from Home Depot.

• 3:48Speaker 03

  You can't walk up, you're smelling it.

• 3:50Stavros Halkias?

  Bubba's Burgers, you know what I mean? Shitty burgers.

• 3:52Speaker 04

  Lake House is a number one.

• 3:53Speaker 03

  Well, guys, I gotta tell you something crazy. Auntie Linda, if you're watching.

• 3:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, Linda.

• 3:57Speaker 03

  I was in Lake Winnipesaukee for 4th of July with Bubba's Burgers. Yeah.

• 4:03Stavros Halkias?

  You need Bubba's, you need, you need burgers that come from, uh, you know, uh, a shit, a gross, a huge.

• 4:10Speaker 04

  Hawaiian rolls.

• 4:10Speaker 03

  No, it's a gross.

• 4:11Stavros Halkias?

  A stop and shop that's huge, or.

• 4:13Speaker 03

  I think you're going Sam's. I mean, I'm never getting Bubba's for a six pack, or, I'm getting, Bubba's for me only exists.

• 4:18Stavros Halkias?

  But Bubba's is the only thing that comes in bulk at a supermarket.

• 4:21Speaker 03

  That's right.

• 4:21Stavros Halkias?

  You know, like that, it's like they've, they've.

• 4:23Speaker 03

  It's grossed over.

• 4:24Stavros Halkias?

  They have, they've made some kind of special arrangement.

• 4:26Speaker 04

  You get the Styrofoam explicitly non-biodegradable cooler from the top of the aisle.

• 4:32Speaker 03

  Yes, no.

• 4:33Speaker 04

  Load that up.

• 4:34Stavros Halkias?

  It's just, so it crushes like, Fourth of July, they just shouldn't even do it in New York.

• 4:39Speaker 04

  No.

• 4:39Stavros Halkias?

  It's kind of, it's like, don't even do fireworks.

• 4:41Speaker 03

  No.

• 4:42Stavros Halkias?

  Show like a, in fact, double down.

• 4:44Speaker 04

  It feels like Fallujah, when the fireworks are going off in the city, it's not right.

• 4:47Stavros Halkias?

  It provides cover for a terrorist attack.

• 4:49Speaker 03

  A hundred percent.

• 4:50Stavros Halkias?

  Like, it provides cover, like, if all fireworks, you'd be like, oh, nothing, and then you find out, oh, it's, that was actually the Empire State Building. It was actually, somebody fucking blew it up. And so, I, and then, you're a hundred percent right, where like, the finished basement.

• 5:05Speaker 03

  It's just, that's untouchable.

• 5:08Speaker 04

  Sliding door, sliding door to the finished basement.

• 5:10Speaker 03

  The, now, hold on.

• 5:12Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 5:12Stavros Halkias?

  Sliding door.

• 5:13Speaker 04

  You're going through the mudroom. Because the yard slopes.

• 5:15Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, no, that's not, that's the side room, that's the den, the sliding door is for the den.

• 5:21Speaker 04

  There's that as well.

• 5:21Stavros Halkias?

  The basement has to have its own entrance.

• 5:24Speaker 03

  For me, the basement, in order to get out, again, we had the concrete window, you had to go up the bulkhead.

• 5:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I like that too, I like that too.

• 5:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:31Stavros Halkias?

  Those weird fucked up doors, where you're like, what is going on, am I, am I battening down the hatches for a tornado?

• 5:36Speaker 04

  Like, the twister is gone, and now.

• 5:40Stavros Halkias?

  Or you come in through the garage, that's a big one.

• 5:43Speaker 04

  It makes a screeching noise.

• 5:46Stavros Halkias?

  It's really scary to go out of that.

• 5:47Speaker 03

  Always, cobwebs.

• 5:48Speaker 04

  It's made out cobwebs.

• 5:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:50Stavros Halkias?

  But there has to be, uh, there, the magic of the finished basement is that weird stairway, where it's like you're coming into Narnia.

• 5:58Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 5:58Stavros Halkias?

  Where it's like, they finished everything but the stair, for some reason, the stairway is still unfinished two by fours. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

• 6:05Speaker 04

  Nothing but splinters.

• 6:06Stavros Halkias?

  And then you go down, and then the second your feet hit carpet.

• 6:09Speaker 03

  You're paradise, and of course, what a, what a memory of just, you hear footsteps, and you know Bagel Bites are coming.

• 6:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 6:16Speaker 03

  You hear footsteps, and you know I'm getting my appetizer platter.

• 6:19Speaker 04

  The Pavlovian footsteps.

• 6:21Speaker 03

  Your footsteps, you go, oh, the mouth, exactly.

• 6:23Stavros Halkias?

  And those footsteps change, that's when you know you're becoming an adult.

• 6:27Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 6:28Stavros Halkias?

  Is when those footsteps start becoming a warning.

• 6:30Speaker 03

  That's right.

• 6:31Stavros Halkias?

  Where it's like, okay, fuck, put away the, you know, oh, get the, oh, we have to throw away the booth, we're smoking weed down here, throw, throw away the beer, you know, if you were cooler, stop fingering. We didn't do a lot of fingering in our basements, me and Eldis, but if you were cooler, you know.

• 6:45Speaker 03

  I wasn't fingering, but I will say that, um, I, that I didn't heed the warning once, and it led to a, it led to, I just remember driving to school the next day with my dad, stone cold silence the entire ride, and then, as we're maybe a minute away from Catholic school. You know, sometimes men don't have the best intentions.

• 7:08Speaker 03

  And I think that's all I remember and then we never talked about it again.

• 7:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. How old were you? What were we talking?

• 7:13Speaker 03

  High school, gotta be sophomore.

• 7:15Speaker 05

  Was this a sneak in situation?

• 7:16Speaker 03

  No, he was aware he was there, so yeah, but.

• 7:20Speaker 05

  But you held on to the grenade for too long.

• 7:21Speaker 03

  That's right.

• 7:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 7:23Speaker 05

  And then dad came down.

• 7:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you got greedy.

• 7:25Speaker 03

  I got greedy.

• 7:26Stavros Halkias?

  You heard the creaking and you didn't, you kept going.

• 7:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 7:29Speaker 05

  For me, it was like, oh, pause the dream cast.

• 7:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There was no, there was no.

• 7:33Speaker 05

  No basements were being hit of any kind.

• 7:35Stavros Halkias?

  No, but we would, we, I mean, you had a re, you were the closest guy to a basement because, yeah, I'm sorry, beep that out. The mysterious and elusive Big P had a basement.

• 7:46Stavros Halkias?

  But his was, but we're.

• 7:47Speaker 05

  Big P.

• 7:48Stavros Halkias?

  But we're, we're in shitty, like, Greertown townhouses.

• 7:52Speaker 03

  Hey, you watch your mouth, you're beautiful, you're in beautiful Greertown.

• 7:56Speaker 05

  The envy of all the city.

• 7:59Stavros Halkias?

  It wasn't, it wasn't the same as the suburban finished basement, but it was still, the way his was set up was the closest we had to it. Um, but you had a very sure, you had the unfinished, you had the like.

• 8:10Speaker 03

  Oh, wow.

• 8:11Speaker 05

  You guys were playing dice in the basement.

• 8:13Stavros Halkias?

  That really was, the unfinished basement really was like, you just, you like chug quickly down there.

• 8:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:20Stavros Halkias?

  It's not a place for hanging out.

• 8:21Speaker 03

  No.

• 8:21Stavros Halkias?

  I stored my couch in your, but remember? I just stored a couch in your parents' basement for like three years.

• 8:27Speaker 05

  That would, that would have been a great basement for like a piece of shit kid, like who, like I was too much of a loser.

• 8:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you were reading fucking Madame Bovary in your fucking bedroom.

• 8:36Speaker 05

  We had like shitty couches down there. It was like rife for getting like, you know, completely trashed. And no one would have cared or noticed, but.

• 8:44Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 8:44Speaker 05

  I smoked weed down there once. I drank down there like once or twice. It's pretty whack, but.

• 8:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 8:49Speaker 05

  It was, it was like.

• 8:50Stavros Halkias?

  You completely wasted the basement.

• 8:52Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 8:53Stavros Halkias?

  You're a piece of shit for that.

• 8:55Speaker 04

  Well, you know, what can you say?

• 8:57Stavros Halkias?

  But, uh, straight George, another friend, another Greek, uh, member of the pod- he's a loose affiliate of the podcast. He came on tour with us. He's just my friend. He has no-

• 9:07Speaker 04

  Health czar.

• 9:07Stavros Halkias?

  He was our health czar because he was fat as shit in college when we met, and now he's not. So I was like, those are the qualifications for working for me? He's like, can you just make sure I don't eat too many burgers? Can you just be somebody to guilt me?

• 9:19Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 9:19Stavros Halkias?

  Because if me and Eldis are left to our own devices, it's gonna be tough.

• 9:22Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 9:23Stavros Halkias?

  JP is an agno- he's Switzerland.

• 9:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm not gonna say no to these guys.

• 9:26Stavros Halkias?

  He's like a UN peacekeeper. He's just, he's just there to like, write down the atrocities. Someone else will deal with them. He's not stopping them, right?

• 9:34Speaker 04

  I'm not intervening.

• 9:35Stavros Halkias?

  No, he's not intervening.

• 9:36Speaker 04

  I'm an observer and reporter.

• 9:37Stavros Halkias?

  You're observing, you're observing-

• 9:38Speaker 04

  Like a mall security guard.

• 9:40Stavros Halkias?

  For Nuremberg later. But like, right, but you won't stop what's happening.

• 9:43Speaker 04

  You know how like Target will let you shoplift until you reach like a misdemeanor amount? That's what I'm doing with like-

• 9:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, like if we started ordering like, party catering trays for ourselves? JP would be like, alright fellows, how about just a 24 each pack of wings instead of the jumbo pack?

• 9:59Speaker 04

  I got a question. I gotta step in like a, like a Uncut Gems and be like, I stopped the bet.

• 10:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 10:05Speaker 04

  I stopped the delivery of the party sub to the back of the bus for just stopping Eldis.

• 10:10Stavros Halkias?

  But, but yes, but George had, uh, he had a side room with the sliding door. We called it the WFR, the winter fuck room. Because it had, because it had like, it felt very winter. It was like dark wood. It was like, you know-

• 10:25Speaker 03

  Were you guys fucking in high school?

• 10:26Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, I was not.

• 10:27Speaker 03

  Okay, okay.

• 10:28Stavros Halkias?

  But, but I think he literally had one friend who like, used it to fuck when his dad was away. And so it became the, the winter, and it wasn't winter, I think.

• 10:37Speaker 03

  Right, right, and there it is. That's all my high school friends. They said, my, I have a girl on my phone, Lily Banana.

• 10:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 10:44Speaker 03

  I don't remember. It's like she probably one day had a banana for lunch. And now, 20 years later, it's Lily Banana. I don't even know her last name. She was one of my closest friends. Lily Banana. Yeah.

• 10:52Stavros Halkias?

  Um, but he had that, and he had a basement.

• 10:54Speaker 03

  God damn. He had the double?

• 10:55Stavros Halkias?

  He had the double, which was living in absolute luxury.

• 10:58Speaker 03

  Right, it's almost too much. Life is gonna be a sharp drop off.

• 11:02Stavros Halkias?

  Well, and then it got taken away, you know, I don't want to go too much into- to his family dining, I don't wanna speak out of term, but it's like, you know, uh, it just there were some changes happening and we lost both of those spaces.

• 11:14Speaker 04

  It seems like bo- both seem like spaces that a stray uncle would like find himself landing in when he falls on hard times.

• 11:20Stavros Halkias?

  Oh dude, absolutely. I literally, that's another place. I just lived in, when he let, when he moved out of his father's house, I had an internship near there. And I just lived there for a summer. Like this is, this is the kind of, in Greek, obviously Greek hospitality.

• 11:34Speaker 03

  Of course.

• 11:35Stavros Halkias?

  So Bourbon Greek hospitality is next level. I was eating his snacks. The, we had to have a talking to because I kept taking his spoons and eating yogurts in my car. And just leaving, like his dad had to ask him to ask me to bring back the silverware I was stealing. Unbeknownst, just because I was having too many of his yogurts.

• 11:56Speaker 04

  This has been corroborated too. This is a deep, some deep lore.

• 12:00Speaker 03

  See, that's great. Cause I do feel like, that's like, that was a man who said that. Cause like, it's like the mother version is like, Stavros, I bought you twenty-four spoons.

• 12:08Stavros Halkias?

  A hundred percent.

• 12:09Speaker 03

  You don't worry about it. You take a new one every day. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 12:12Stavros Halkias?

  Well, he wasn't charging me anything. Like, it got to the point where I'm like, I'm also, I'm living there for free. I'm eating a good amount of his snacks, right? Like, it was never talked about, but he had such a bounty.

• 12:24Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 12:24Stavros Halkias?

  That it was just like, he's one of those guys that, you know, when parents, it takes them ten years to realize their children moved out. He was shopping like he still had adolescent, two adolescent boys in the house.

• 12:34Speaker 03

  Right.

• 12:34Stavros Halkias?

  And they both moved out. So there's so many Costco treats.

• 12:37Speaker 03

  Uh, and you were, you were serving a purpose for them.

• 12:39Stavros Halkias?

  And I was, I was, you know, they're going to waste. Um. And it got to the point where I was also costing him silverware. I think he was like.

• 12:45Speaker 03

  Right. The silverware, the hardware, that, yeah, that got you.

• 12:48Stavros Halkias?

  That was the final straw, but he was cool about it. He, you know, and now he likes to laugh about how the, the air, the summer we were roommates. You know, now, now he likes to, now it's fond, you know, it's a fond memory.

• 13:00Speaker 04

  Like parasite. You were just in the base.

• 13:02Stavros Halkias?

  I kinda was dude, I kinda, I truly was, cause I was broke as fuck at the time. And it was a really nice, they lived in some nice burbs.

• 13:08Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 13:09Stavros Halkias?

  So I really felt like the guy hiding in the walls when I lived there. A hundred percent. Yeah, so you so we're talking and this is suburban Massachusetts where we at?

• 13:19Speaker 03

  Massachusetts, right on the border of Rhode Island. Lived with my grandparents. You had that.

• 13:24Stavros Halkias?

  Love it, yeah.

• 13:25Speaker 03

  The add on.

• 13:26Stavros Halkias?

  My grandma lived in, I shared a wall with my grandma.

• 13:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:29Speaker 04

  The Massachusetts.

• 13:29Stavros Halkias?

  We had the, we had the, we had the city trap, city poor version of what you're describing.

• 13:35Speaker 03

  Okay, okay.

• 13:35Stavros Halkias?

  You know, where it's like, there's no addition, there's just, my brothers share a room. And she gets her own room.

• 13:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, right, right, right.

• 13:41Stavros Halkias?

  And but I literally, I literally shared.

• 13:44Speaker 04

  It would've been funny, yeah, if one of you shares the room with the grandma.

• 13:46Speaker 03

  I'll tell you what.

• 13:47Stavros Halkias?

  My cousin did.

• 13:48Speaker 03

  I did too.

• 13:50Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 13:51Stavros Halkias?

  Hell, yeah, you first.

• 13:55Stavros Halkias?

  My girl cousin, when she lived with us, shared the room.

• 13:58Speaker 03

  JP Catholic, he's like, I've never hugged my grandparents.

• 14:02Speaker 03

  No, oh, my god.

• 14:03Speaker 04

  She hit me with a shillelagh for approaching me.

• 14:07Speaker 03

  That was, yeah, it was a beautiful moment. Um, yeah, so.

• 14:10Speaker 04

  Were you like applying powders to your grandma's feet in the bedroom?

• 14:12Speaker 03

  It was grand, no, okay, so my grandma passed away, nice.

• 14:15Speaker 04

  R I P, sorry.

• 14:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, nice. I really wish, does that feel was the riff?

• 14:19Stavros Halkias?

  Does that feel good, man?

• 14:21Speaker 04

  I'm just trying to paint a picture.

• 14:24Speaker 03

  Now, so my Yaya and Papu moved in, Yaya got sick, she passed away, my Papu was there and I, okay, this, I, when my Yaya passed away, was in the hospital, woke up the next day, couldn't walk.

• 14:36Stavros Halkias?

  You couldn't walk?

• 14:37Speaker 03

  I couldn't walk, I got a staph infection.

• 14:38Stavros Halkias?

  What?

• 14:38Speaker 03

  From the hospital.

• 14:39Stavros Halkias?

  Whoa.

• 14:40Speaker 03

  Couldn't walk, um, and then.

• 14:43Stavros Halkias?

  Was it possible she was haunting you?

• 14:46Stavros Halkias?

  It's impossible she heard about what's going on in that basement, too.

• 14:49Speaker 04

  Was there some little eye involved?

• 14:50Stavros Halkias?

  And the kid wasn't Greek?

• 14:52Speaker 03

  He was not, he was not, no, that man was not, not Greek.

• 14:55Stavros Halkias?

  I'm shutting you down below the waist.

• 14:57Speaker 03

  Also.

• 14:58Stavros Halkias?

  Until you get a Greek boyfriend.

• 15:02Stavros Halkias?

  This is my one wish I asked of God, when you get to heaven, he gives you one wish, this is what I used it on.

• 15:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 15:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, that guy also, I remember honked when it was time for me to get, and the parents, so you know, she was like, yeah, no, no, he's not.

• 15:16Stavros Halkias?

  The honking's brutal.

• 15:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 15:18Speaker 04

  Oh, like a blam blam, like?

• 15:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 15:20Stavros Halkias?

  Get in, we gotta go Sonic, you gotta jack me off while we're in the Sonic drive thru. Beep, beep, beep, beep.

• 15:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And so then basically I couldn't walk, so I couldn't go up the stairs. So I ended up living with my grandpa, but we were each in twin beds and he snored so aggressively.

• 15:38Stavros Halkias?

  Like a 50's sitcom married couple?

• 15:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, exactly. That I would have to like rush to get to sleep. Like I just remember, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on. Cause if I didn't get to sleep before him, I was fucked.

• 15:48Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 15:48Stavros Halkias?

  Holy shit.

• 15:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 15:49Stavros Halkias?

  How long did that take?

• 15:50Speaker 03

  I think it was a month. I think it was about a month. Yeah.

• 15:53Stavros Halkias?

  That's insane. That's fucking wild.

• 15:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, my papu, Papu Spiro, Spike. Yeah, he was great. Loved him.

• 15:57Stavros Halkias?

  Spiro, great name.

• 15:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 15:58Stavros Halkias?

  Spike, that's, that's fun.

• 15:59Speaker 03

  Isn't that fun?

• 16:00Stavros Halkias?

  Spiro the Spike is good.

• 16:02Speaker 03

  And then.

• 16:03Speaker 04

  Did you venture to the couch at any point? Did you like say, fuck this, I'm gonna go try and sleep in another room?

• 16:07Speaker 03

  I feel like when you're a kid, you don't, like, I a hundred percent should have. It's like, why was I not in a couch? Why was I not in the basement? Like, there were so many other places. Oh, I guess basement, I would have had to do stairs.

• 16:17Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 16:17Speaker 03

  But no, as a kid, you're like, okay, my parents said this is my room.

• 16:21Stavros Halkias?

  I think it's because they're like, well, what am I gonna put sheets on the couch every day? Let her sleep, let her sleep in her recently deceased grandmother's bed. It's like, you also have to deal with it.

• 16:33Speaker 03

  It gets so much darker, dude. Then those beds were pushed back together and then my dad died in that bed.

• 16:40Stavros Halkias?

  In that bed?

• 16:42Speaker 03

  At some point, it's like, we gotta get rid of the bed.

• 16:46Stavros Halkias?

  Is it not, maybe it's the bed. Maybe the bed's gotta go.

• 16:50Speaker 03

  You know, it's like, yeah.

• 16:51Stavros Halkias?

  You should sue the IKEA corporation.

• 16:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, exactly.

• 16:54Stavros Halkias?

  These two whatever mounds have ruined, have ruined my family.

• 16:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:58Stavros Halkias?

  Wow. Yeah. I mean, that's, please tell me those are incinerated.

• 17:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, they're gone.

• 17:01Stavros Halkias?

  Please tell me they're not still around.

• 17:03Speaker 03

  Actually, honestly, they probably are. There's a new family living in there. I hope they're well.

• 17:07Speaker 04

  That's an 824 horror movie.

• 17:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 17:10Speaker 04

  That keeps going from house to house.

• 17:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, I hope they're well. But that's such a Greek thing too. Like, it's a good bed. We're not, and I think it was my anti-ethyls bed. I don't even think it was ours. It was like it came from our other.

• 17:18Stavros Halkias?

  So she's the one who wronged the gypsy?

• 17:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 17:22Stavros Halkias?

  And she, she was like, I gotta guess, the only way to do is to transfer to a, to a blood relative. That's the only way to get rid of the curse. It's like, come on, guys.

• 17:29Speaker 03

  It's a beautiful bed.

• 17:30Stavros Halkias?

  It's Ramon Flanagan. Come on, this thing's nice. She's just, what have I done? She's in her car, she's driving away from the U-Haul and being like, oh god. I don't deserve, yeah.

• 17:42Speaker 03

  Goodbye Betty, goodbye Spike, oh yeah.

• 17:46Stavros Halkias?

  Oh man.

• 17:47Speaker 03

  But that is, yeah, yeah.

• 17:49Stavros Halkias?

  The sharing, the, yeah, the sharing is, my, my cousin, because we had, she came to Lillis for a while, um, because my aunt passed away. Are you happy JP? Are you happy for bringing, for starting this whole thing? Where we have to talk about, we have to talk about all the tragedies in our lives because of you.

• 18:10Speaker 04

  Right, lay off me.

• 18:13Stavros Halkias?

  So, I hope you're happy McDade, coming in, seeing all this Mediterranean bonding. You feel left out, so you're...

• 18:20Speaker 04

  I don't see me going around greekily weeping about this shit.

• 18:25Speaker 04

  Just because some of us can shove it down a little better than others, don't take it out on me.

• 18:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, I've been seeing open caskets of family members since age nine, there's nothing you can say. Alright?

• 18:40Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, you're at the, you're at the wake where they have them on a pool table like cops?

• 18:43Speaker 04

  Now, man is gonna look a little different.

• 18:47Stavros Halkias?

  But she saw our cousin, we had a custody thing and our cousin came to live with us for a while, and she's like a little girl who just has to sleep in the same bed as her grandmother. And then she came back and lived with us again, she, she, uh, she lived, she worked, she traveled a lot for work and then for, and then she decided to move back to the, she moved to DC instead of Baltimore, she got a job there. And there was like a transitional couple of months, whereas a grown woman, she came back and we all lived at the, it was the last time we all lived at the house together. And she just was 25 or whatever, just like, alright, time to sleep in bed with my grandmother, this is my room. Like it's, like it's Ellis Island, like we, like we really lived, that was, that was the period, damn, we really, there was like six months where it was tenement style, dude.

• 19:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:32Stavros Halkias?

  It was like my two brothers, back from like, one was back from college, one still lived there. I had got, I, it was like the, I guess it was the year before I, I don't remember, after college, before I got my own place in Baltimore. It was in my room, grandma and my cousin.

• 19:47Speaker 04

  One was working in a fish cannery. One was pushing a vegetable cart.

• 19:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, dude, it was, uh, it was, it was insane, but that's how.

• 19:56Speaker 03

  And your parents were like, this is perfect.

• 19:59Stavros Halkias?

  My parents are still, my parents are still, like, why did you leave, like? Yeah, my mom, my mom is now angling to do, she wants to become the.

• 20:08Speaker 03

  Well, yeah, my mom lived with me in New York for a bit. He's, well, I told you, well, I don't wanna, I don't wanna. But we lived in the same neighborhood and I, I lived there with my mom.

• 20:16Speaker 04

  Times Square.

• 20:18Stavros Halkias?

  We lived, yep. I had a suite in the Jimmy Buffett Margaritaville.

• 20:27Speaker 04

  And I was in Elmo right outside.

• 20:30Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, you lived there with your mom?

• 20:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, um, I saw the scariest thing, by the way, in Times Square the other day. He's a man with no shirt on and a, just, just a clown mask. And his pants, it almost like, it's like he had something weighted in his pockets. And it was so close to the pants falling down with the, and there was no effort to, and it was, yeah.

• 20:50Speaker 04

  Well, your gun is gonna weigh down your sweat.

• 20:55Stavros Halkias?

  And this is not like, cause I know Twisted Metal is out, that's a shirtless clown. This was not a tie.

• 21:02Speaker 03

  Now that you're saying that, it could have been.

• 21:03Stavros Halkias?

  You think that's part of it, is showing?

• 21:09Stavros Halkias?

  That would be awesome if they matched the bozo hair to the pubes.

• 21:14Stavros Halkias?

  I would have actually respected. This episode is brought to you by Visible, the smartest upgrade this season. Isn't a new phone, it's a better wireless plan. Switch to Visible, the ultimate wireless hack. You get unlimited 5G data and unlimited hotspot powered by Verizon. We have Visible here at Stobby Baby Enterprises. We love it. We just got a new assistant. She loves it. She's taking all our sushi orders. They're going through the Visible network brought to you by Verizon. It's fast, it's reliable, it's so sick. They sponsor the Stobbies World hotline, as you know, and make it possible for us to help all our callers out. Oh my God, they're the best. Switch today at visible.com. The Visible plan starts at $25 a month or get the.

• 21:55Stavros Halkias?

  Premium Visible Plus Pro Plan and save $10 on your first month with promo code STAFF. Terms apply.

• 22:02Speaker 06

  Ever notice how every new AI tool asks you to explain your business to it all over again? Google Workspace with Gemini skips that. You get Google's AI built right into the premium versions of Gmail, Docs, Sheets and more. No new tools, no extra logins, just one subscription that gives you personalized AI right inside your actual workflow. Make work less work. Try Google Workspace with Gemini at G O O dot G L E slash Workspace with Gemini.

• 22:31Speaker 03

  Um, but, but wait, we were saying, okay, anyway, I don't know.

• 22:34Stavros Halkias?

  Times Square.

• 22:34Speaker 03

  Times Square, mom lived with, yeah.

• 22:37Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 22:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:38Stavros Halkias?

  That must've been close quarters as well.

• 22:39Speaker 03

  That was close quarters as well, but it was the same thing. It's like dad died and it's like, well, all right, we're, let's, I'm going to New York.

• 22:44Stavros Halkias?

  Going to New York.

• 22:45Speaker 03

  Me too.

• 22:45Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 22:46Speaker 03

  We're going to New York.

• 22:47Stavros Halkias?

  That's actually kind of fun.

• 22:48Speaker 03

  It was.

• 22:49Stavros Halkias?

  The gals, the gal, you know, that sort of.

• 22:51Speaker 03

  The sort of Gilmore Girls.

• 22:53Stavros Halkias?

  The Gilmore Girls, like, you know, let's do something objectively insane.

• 22:57Speaker 03

  Insane.

• 22:58Stavros Halkias?

  To, to deal with grief.

• 22:59Speaker 03

  Right, yeah.

• 23:00Stavros Halkias?

  Let's become Sex and the City roommates, like, for, how long was that?

• 23:04Speaker 03

  I want to say it was like a, maybe a year. It's blurry. That time was like blurry, but I'm like, yeah, I want to say a year, but that was so crazy because my mom, you know, in New York City, coming from the suburbs, just like.

• 23:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's wild.

• 23:17Speaker 03

  In a bagel shop and like.

• 23:18Stavros Halkias?

  Chanting people up.

• 23:19Speaker 03

  And we were there 35 years.

• 23:22Speaker 03

  And people in the back, let's go, let's go.

• 23:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, holding up the line.

• 23:25Speaker 03

  Holding up and just like, yeah. One time we were at a Greek restaurant. We were at that Greek restaurant that was on like, uh, near, uh, Union Square, a little 14th, like the one.

• 23:34Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, is that the Kiklantis that they have down there? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 23:36Speaker 03

  And so we were there and my mom was, you know, talking to the waiter and, and he gave us Galakhtaburiko dessert.

• 23:43Stavros Halkias?

  A great dessert.

• 23:43Speaker 03

  A great dessert.

• 23:44Stavros Halkias?

  A custard, a honey custard. My favorite as a child, my mom was a witch in a Greek restaurant.

• 23:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, that, I think it's the best because it, yeah, it's just, it's.

• 23:51Stavros Halkias?

  It's custardy, it's custard, honey and filo, filo dough.

• 23:55Speaker 03

  And it's unlike any other, like, yeah, it's just great. So he gave it to us for free and my mom was like, you see that? I connected with him about three, he gave it to us for free. I look around the restaurant, it's part of the restaurant. It's got Galakhtaburiko, it's just what you get for coming in, but I was like, I'll let her have it. Yeah, so she has like this connection. He had a scarf, it was like the owner and she's like, there's a connection to him and I was like, let her have it.

• 24:17Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely.

• 24:18Speaker 03

  But yeah, it was good. It was a good, yeah, it was, it was interesting.

• 24:22Stavros Halkias?

  It was in a one bedroom? What are we talking?

• 24:24Speaker 03

  It was a one bedroom, but it was like. No, it was like a two bedroom. It was flex, but.

• 24:30Speaker 04

  I feel like a guy and a dad is a very different story, but a girl and a mom, that's fine.

• 24:34Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. If I had to live with my father, first of all, first of all, if my, yeah. Oh dude, my dad and me being roommates is one of the funniest things I could possibly imagine. Just fist fight my dad. Like, like, the idea that I can't have a weird lunch and be like, alright, see you in three months. You know what I mean? But it's like, I come back from work and he's there.

• 24:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:57Stavros Halkias?

  Tough. And his, like, I went and actually got coffee with my dad. I was in Baltimore and I just went to see what his life is like. And he just, he just, there's a coffee house that he goes to literally every day.

• 25:08Speaker 03

  Please tell me he sits outside. Does he sit outside?

• 25:10Stavros Halkias?

  Depending on the weather, but you know, they will, but it's, there's not that much space. There is some, there's some benches. Most of the time, they're in the specific corner. He has his, he has his seat. And it's, it just reminds me of like, going to like, you know, getting, going to the dining hall or whatever.

• 25:26Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 25:27Stavros Halkias?

  It just reminds, like, him and his boys see each other every day.

• 25:30Speaker 03

  That is so nice.

• 25:32Stavros Halkias?

  Right? They all ostensibly have jobs.

• 25:34Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 25:35Stavros Halkias?

  But they're just sort of like chilling. Like, they might work one or two days a week.

• 25:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:39Stavros Halkias?

  You know, all of them are, my dad's getting over surgery. He's doing good now.

• 25:42Speaker 03

  You happy JP?

• 25:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you happy? My dad had fucking surgery. I hope you're happy, dude.

• 25:47Speaker 04

  This is also my fault.

• 25:51Speaker 04

  I'm just imagining a scenario where your roommates.

• 25:55Stavros Halkias?

  But undoubtedly one, you know, sixty-five plus year old, three out of the eight guys are getting over open heart surgery.

• 26:04Speaker 03

  Right.

• 26:05Stavros Halkias?

  Some kind of, you know, some kind of liver problem.

• 26:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 26:09Stavros Halkias?

  Some kind of like cancer brought on by their smoking. You know what I mean? Like, there's always, some, some of them are, are infirmed, so they're there every day.

• 26:18Speaker 03

  Right.

• 26:18Stavros Halkias?

  And now my dad has passed into the like, they're ever, the daily crew.

• 26:22Speaker 03

  That's awesome.

• 26:22Stavros Halkias?

  I had to go to, and they have, he knows the schedules of when each one is closed. So there's, his favorite one is closed on Tuesday, so I had to go see him at the backup one on Tuesday. And him and his boys are just in there. My, his friend is telling me about how his daughter's very successful, but she refuses to have a grandchild. And it's just, it's awesome. You just get locked into these traditional old Greek guy talking point.

• 26:47Speaker 04

  VP at Metal Lynch, but no baby.

• 26:49Stavros Halkias?

  Almost exactly, dude.

• 26:52Stavros Halkias?

  Except, except think about him telling me every step, every major accomplishment since high school.

• 26:58Speaker 03

  National honor society, yeah. Fifteen hundred dollar scholarship, yeah.

• 27:05Stavros Halkias?

  It was cute though, how fucking proud he was of his daughter. I almost wanted to be like, maybe some of this, man?

• 27:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 27:12Stavros Halkias?

  Maybe a little, maybe a couple, hey, thanks. You know, maybe a couple telling everybody you're proud. Oh, no, no big deal.

• 27:17Speaker 04

  He has tour bus.

• 27:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. My dad's, my dad would flip if he saw the bus.

• 27:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 27:24Stavros Halkias?

  Maybe we'll show it to him next time. He didn't have bus privileges on this tour. But if he's on good behavior for the next tour, he'll get to see the bus.

• 27:30Speaker 03

  Oh, God. And isn't that nice that in a way you're on a bus with your boys?

• 27:34Stavros Halkias?

  Oh.

• 27:35Speaker 03

  You're doing the same thing. We're all doing the same thing.

• 27:37Stavros Halkias?

  We are a hun- I mean, we're a hundred percent living the same way.

• 27:39Speaker 03

  That's how I feel about my mom. I'm like, I'm, I'm getting to the point where I have bought to-go Tupperware. That's like one, single-use, like aluminum.

• 27:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 27:49Speaker 03

  And I will, I, I will make food and I'll tell my friends, like, I got a batch of chicken cup of mine, you come over, and I'm sending it home with them. And I'm like, this is, I'm just doing the same thing, my mom.

• 27:58Stavros Halkias?

  A hundred percent.

• 27:59Speaker 03

  Yeah. We can't avoid it.

• 28:01Stavros Halkias?

  I do have a theory of like, there's a period of your life where you wanna get away and you, you do acquire, th- there's like a period that's more finite than we realize. We think that it's like, I'm done with who I was.

• 28:13Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 28:14Stavros Halkias?

  I'm gonna be somebody there, I'm gone forever. And it's actually, what's going on is you're going out there, you are changing.

• 28:19Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 28:20Stavros Halkias?

  You're bringing new things in, but then eventually you just come back.

• 28:23Speaker 03

  Totally.

• 28:24Speaker 04

  At your DNA level, you're still who you are.

• 28:26Stavros Halkias?

  You level out a little bit and you're like, oh yeah, I just, the way Greek, old Greek men have been in a coffee shop for just doing nothing and they don't like working and they do all their work like last minute, it's like, I have the exact same working patterns as my father.

• 28:40Speaker 03

  Totally.

• 28:41Stavros Halkias?

  I, all my friends I see every day, like my job, I've figured out how to make a, a rolling Greek coffee shop.

• 28:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, exactly.

• 28:47Stavros Halkias?

  Where it's like, I see my best friends every day, we hang out. I just brought one of them to just like buy salads.

• 28:52Speaker 03

  Right. You hired a- yeah.

• 28:54Speaker 04

  To go to Costco.

• 28:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, to go to Costco and buy salads and shit. And like, yeah, we all, we all return a little bit to what we are.

• 29:01Speaker 03

  I think that's it. I think that's what I'm realizing now too, is I'm on, I'm a hundred percent on the journey of coming back to, especially my Greek-ness. I'm like, I'm going, I'm full-blown.

• 29:11Stavros Halkias?

  I feel you on that one.

• 29:12Speaker 03

  I'm, cuz I'm like, it's the same.

• 29:14Speaker 04

  Same, same with the Irish.

• 29:15Speaker 03

  Really?

• 29:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 29:17Speaker 03

  It's nice, right? It calls you back where you're like, oh yeah, this also for something to be such a big part of your life for so long.

• 29:23Stavros Halkias?

  Greek school and the.

• 29:24Speaker 03

  Greek school, Greek dance and Greek church. It's like that's it's a it's foundational in your body. So then you leave it. And then I was in LA, you know, dad dies, my mom moves out of the house and I started realizing like, oh, if I don't bring this into my life, like it won't really be in my.

• 29:37Speaker 04

  But what did you think of it when you were a kid? Did you kind of, did you have?

• 29:40Speaker 03

  I took it for granted. Maybe didn't love it, but.

• 29:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I think you hate it too. Cause like dude, they make you go to school after school.

• 29:46Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 29:46Stavros Halkias?

  We had to go Greek school was for me, three days a week after school.

• 29:49Speaker 03

  And so many kids spoke fluently too, because they're fans. So I always felt like I was.

• 29:54Stavros Halkias?

  Oh yeah, we would definitely make fun of you.

• 29:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, exactly.

• 29:57Stavros Halkias?

  As the fluent speaker be like fucking.

• 29:58Speaker 03

  This one, but I would definitely cheat off you.

• 30:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 30:02Speaker 03

  Um, yeah.

• 30:03Speaker 04

  This fucking yank doesn't know where alpha is from a betis.

• 30:06Stavros Halkias?

  And then, and then you go, and then I go to Greece and it's like, people like fucking.

• 30:09Speaker 03

  This guy, yeah, American.

• 30:10Stavros Halkias?

  This fat American.

• 30:12Speaker 04

  Oh, when I went to Ireland, when I was like a teenager, I did.

• 30:15Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, they definitely respect you even less.

• 30:16Speaker 04

  Oh, a hundred percent.

• 30:17Stavros Halkias?

  They don't respect American.

• 30:18Speaker 04

  The plastic patties thing, like all your fucking other.

• 30:20Stavros Halkias?

  Well, also because culturally, so you know, but culturally, like they, a lot of Irish have complete, like when they come over and just become cops in the 1800s and then just become Republicans. And it's like Irish people are maybe one of the only ethical whites.

• 30:36Speaker 04

  Northern Ireland. That was a big part of the culture for a while.

• 30:39Stavros Halkias?

  They love killing cops. They hate authority. They're the only people talking about, the only people like being like pro Palestine from the jump.

• 30:45Speaker 04

  Fucking Margaret Thatcher's a piece of shit.

• 30:48Stavros Halkias?

  And then Irish Americans are just like, they're just like the same, the way like I, the Italian Americans, they've just become like conservative caricatures of their, all their stereotypes.

• 30:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, I was over there and I was like 15 at the time and I was like super skinny, no confidence, whatever. I was, I remember I was walking down a street and there was this guy like leaning against the car and I didn't realize until too late that he was making fun of me.

• 31:10Speaker 03

  No.

• 31:10Speaker 04

  And I was walking by, he's like, yeah, walk faster, you fucking piece of shit. Like, making fun of the way I was walking.

• 31:15Speaker 03

  Everyone was like, you're walking. It's a guy.

• 31:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 31:18Speaker 04

  I was wearing khakis and I was wearing like a windbreaker that was also khaki colored.

• 31:23Speaker 03

  Not you dressed like a 60 year old at 15.

• 31:26Speaker 04

  I had a white hat and 60 year old outfit completely. And I walked by and he was, you look like a fucking matchstick.

• 31:33Speaker 03

  Honey, honey.

• 31:34Stavros Halkias?

  Get in your ass dude, that's really good.

• 31:37Speaker 03

  God damn.

• 31:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 31:38Speaker 04

  They don't respect us at all. But then, yeah, like later in life, it kind of comes back to, ah, this was kind of a cool little cultural thing I had that I didn't appreciate when I was younger.

• 31:45Speaker 03

  Exactly. Yeah. And it's, it's, yeah, it's part of who I am. And if I don't have it, that feels, that feels wrong. But it is true. It's nice that like we took a decade to col- collect all this other stuff. So we're not just going, I'm not going back and

• 31:56Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 31:57Speaker 03

  We don't have a finish bet. We're not going all the way.

• 31:58Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, of course.

• 31:59Speaker 03

  I'm not getting megabytes, you know, but although.

• 32:02Stavros Halkias?

  Like, that's the other thing I think I'm like, don't sound too bad headed all like, where it's like, you see, cause also where I think we're all at the age where it's like, you move and we all met, I think I met you like actually pretty clo- pretty quick when I

• 32:16Speaker 03

  I met you.

• 32:17Stavros Halkias?

  When I moved to New York. I had just, it was at that, what was that shitty fucking pine box?

• 32:21Speaker 03

  It was in Brooklyn, pine box. And I remember this, cause I, I remember.

• 32:24Stavros Halkias?

  I had just moved.

• 32:24Speaker 03

  You had just moved. You were this like little Greek boy. I was like, I am gonna help.

• 32:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 32:32Speaker 03

  Next day, you're doing fucking stadiums, something like that.

• 32:36Speaker 03

  I am gonna mentor and mother this child.

• 32:40Stavros Halkias?

  You had a lot going on. I think that was the height of you. You might've been in that apartment with your mom.

• 32:44Speaker 03

  I think so.

• 32:44Stavros Halkias?

  You were pretty fu- like, I remember being like, I thought you were funny and we were bonding over the Greek stuff. But you clearly were like, oh, this girl's dealing with some shit.

• 32:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, totally.

• 32:53Stavros Halkias?

  Cause I think your dad had just passed away. And I was like, I was like, she's cool, but I'm not gonna push a friendship right now. She seems like she's dealing with a lot of stuff.

• 33:01Speaker 03

  Totally.

• 33:02Stavros Halkias?

  But we all met, and I met you at fucking those same probably very similar.

• 33:06Speaker 04

  Was, was that around the time that we were working in the same office building?

• 33:09Speaker 03

  No, this was even earlier. So yeah, once I got in the office building, I think that helped me start kind of getting on my way.

• 33:15Speaker 04

  We did that sketch.

• 33:16Speaker 03

  What part?

• 33:17Speaker 04

  You had me in that sketch.

• 33:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, what was it? Thanksgiving?

• 33:19Speaker 04

  No, it was like, it was like an app or something, like the guys who don't leave you alone on apps or something like that.

• 33:24Stavros Halkias?

  Hell yeah, baby.

• 33:25Speaker 03

  Immediately. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but it's so funny even thinking of that job. I was talking to my friend who I still work with from that job. And I'm like, isn't it funny how we're just going back to that? Like, if you look on Instagram now, like, all the reels are like, like, it's very cyclical.

• 33:38Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 33:38Speaker 03

  Like, cause we were making, yeah, every type of person.

• 33:41Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck, what was that, what was, what was that trend of like? Oh, fuck. It was one of the first formats. It was before reels, but it was like.

• 33:51Speaker 04

  Before, like Vine?

• 33:52Stavros Halkias?

  Before Vine, it was just like a YouTube trend where it was like a meme of like, everybody did their version of it. It was maybe similar to like,

• 33:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 33:59Stavros Halkias?

  the type of guy you find or whatever the fuck.

• 34:01Speaker 03

  Exactly. It was just every type of, but yeah.

• 34:04Speaker 04

  And now that's just white text on the reel.

• 34:07Stavros Halkias?

  But there was one, there was one even before I moved to New York that I'm thinking of, fuck.

• 34:11Speaker 03

  Um.

• 34:11Stavros Halkias?

  Anyway, it doesn't matter. It got played into the ground, but, um, yeah, I mean, I remember, I mean, my first job was working for one of the worst internet company, internet comedy companies in the fucking world. There was a lot of bad shit, but they, there was weirdly money.

• 34:25Speaker 03

  There was money.

• 34:25Stavros Halkias?

  Back then.

• 34:26Speaker 03

  There was a lot of money in, yeah, like Facebook Live. Remember we were going, I was going live every day.

• 34:32Speaker 04

  Facebook was juicing their views and we all thought we were getting famous and we were doing videos. It was like, whoa, this got 18,000 views and one like.

• 34:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, totally.

• 34:41Stavros Halkias?

  Oh yeah. Cause Facebook was trying to tell people.

• 34:43Speaker 03

  This is where it's at.

• 34:43Stavros Halkias?

  Everyone was going to video and they were weirdly right, but they were just doing it in the absolute worst ways.

• 34:49Speaker 03

  Cause was that like pre-Twit? Cause then Facebook Live, that kind of became like streaming.

• 34:53Speaker 04

  Before Twitter had any kind of video functionality and before Instagram even had video, I think. And it was just like Face- Facebook video was the thing. They were trying to compete with YouTube.

• 35:01Speaker 03

  That's crazy how fast things have changed. That when we all started, we were doing videos and like, I was posting a YouTube link on.

• 35:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Check it out.

• 35:09Speaker 03

  Check it out.

• 35:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:10Speaker 03

  But you could not post, yeah.

• 35:12Stavros Halkias?

  Well, yeah, I mean, you also got fucked cause you had gr- you literally were doing front-facing video stuff.

• 35:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:19Stavros Halkias?

  I feel like maybe one year, if you did it, if you timed it one year, you're maybe the most famous person on earth. You know what I mean?

• 35:26Speaker 03

  Earth.

• 35:27Stavros Halkias?

  Where I just feel like I saw, I saw women stealing what you were doing and now they're, you know, are like.

• 35:31Speaker 03

  Now they're like, they have a Dunkin' Donuts drink.

• 35:35Stavros Halkias?

  The amount of mom character clones.

• 35:41Speaker 03

  You know, I have a lot of like peace with it. Cause I'm like, there were also my incredible mom characters before me.

• 35:47Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, of course.

• 35:48Speaker 03

  And I.

• 35:48Stavros Halkias?

  You just kinda like did package it for the internet in a good, in a good way.

• 35:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:52Stavros Halkias?

  And I mean, but that's, it's just crazy how much we just don't have control of anything.

• 35:57Speaker 03

  No, totally.

• 35:58Stavros Halkias?

  And how much everything is time, like if I, if we started come town, maybe like six months later, nobody gives a fuck. You know what I mean? And if we do it six months before, we don't know about Patreon. We make no money. Like it's just, and it's like, even like the stand up clips. I'm like, dude.

• 36:13Speaker 03

  Stand up clips?

• 36:14Stavros Halkias?

  I had no clue.

• 36:16Speaker 03

  Think of how many shows we all did with no video.

• 36:19Stavros Halkias?

  No video.

• 36:19Speaker 04

  Gone. Roast battles, not tapes.

• 36:24Speaker 03

  Think of the amount of.

• 36:25Stavros Halkias?

  It's like for what?

• 36:27Speaker 03

  But, okay.

• 36:27Speaker 04

  For stage time, of course.

• 36:28Stavros Halkias?

  But I actually agree. I actually agree.

• 36:30Speaker 03

  With what I'm about to say?

• 36:31Stavros Halkias?

  I think so.

• 36:31Speaker 03

  I think, I think like there's a lot of benefits to what's going on right now, but I think it's, um, I think we all had a really cool thing, which was like, we learned just for the sake of learning.

• 36:42Stavros Halkias?

  Which is what it should be about.

• 36:43Speaker 03

  Just for the sake of honing. Like imagine, we would have been filming our sets after doing it for one year.

• 36:47Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, I would, I look at what I thought was hilarious.

• 36:50Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 36:51Stavros Halkias?

  When I was 24.

• 36:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 36:52Stavros Halkias?

  I even had, we should find it. I think we have it somewhere. Remember when I like, recorded what I thought was like an EP?

• 36:59Speaker 03

  Not an EP.

• 37:00Stavros Halkias?

  And yeah, I was gonna, I was literally gonna, in college, I was gonna burn these, burn CDs and you had to mount to people. And I actually spent more time, remember this? I spent more time photoshopping the cover, which was like. Which was like me shooting Jay Leno in the head or something. It was like, and that was, I was like, I had a lot of takes too. I was like, I'm better than Jay. I'm 22.

• 37:22Speaker 03

  Right.

• 37:22Stavros Halkias?

  I'm like, I'm funnier than Jay Leno. It was like.

• 37:24Speaker 03

  We've never been funnier than 22, but you have no con, you are just so confident.

• 37:28Speaker 04

  I have an hour.

• 37:29Stavros Halkias?

  No, for real. So I'm actually very happy because I would have been posting, and you see these horrible young comics who was like, dude, you might be good.

• 37:38Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 37:38Stavros Halkias?

  If you just for eight years. Try and be good at this.

• 37:42Speaker 03

  And we had a real, I mean, it's a, it's a special time of like, we had a real underground community, like we didn't.

• 37:48Stavros Halkias?

  That is true.

• 37:49Speaker 03

  We didn't follow each other. We didn't really.

• 37:50Stavros Halkias?

  No, we were actually friends.

• 37:51Speaker 03

  We would meet up and like you and, and we would go to fucking Mike's together.

• 37:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 37:56Speaker 03

  Which Mike would be going to next and you'd like, it was a very special time in that sense. And I don't know, maybe that's.

• 38:01Speaker 04

  It was pretty awesome.

• 38:02Speaker 03

  But it does feel like it's at the very least.

• 38:04Stavros Halkias?

  No, I think it, I mean, we're just old. I think it still does exist. We're, we're old. We're sorry, buddy.

• 38:10Speaker 03

  I guess would it change if they're, if they're filming, if you're, if every.

• 38:14Stavros Halkias?

  I think it's a little more, there's probably like more click. I think there's probably clicked up a little more where it's like you, we just had to hang out with everyone, even people we, I mean.

• 38:24Speaker 03

  That's true.

• 38:24Stavros Halkias?

  Part of it was being like, a quarter of the people there, we all hated.

• 38:27Speaker 03

  Right.

• 38:28Stavros Halkias?

  You know, it was like horrible, unfunny.

• 38:30Speaker 04

  You gotta make small talk with the 50 year old guy whose act is half slurs.

• 38:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 38:34Speaker 03

  Who you, who you meet day one and think, that's the king.

• 38:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 38:38Speaker 03

  And you slowly realize, oh.

• 38:39Speaker 04

  Guy holding court.

• 38:40Speaker 03

  Yeah. And you're like, okay, this guy's been here for a while.

• 38:43Stavros Halkias?

  But, but you know, I do that, but, and whatever.

• 38:46Speaker 03

  You're right. It's probably a new great, uh, community, which is like.

• 38:48Stavros Halkias?

  It's just different. I think, I think 24 year olds are still going to bar, you know, getting fucked up, going to bars, whatever, after horrible shows.

• 38:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:57Speaker 04

  Um. It's just like a few of them have 300,000 followers.

• 39:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, that's actually true. That's actually true. It's like a couple of them are rich.

• 39:04Speaker 03

  Totally.

• 39:04Stavros Halkias?

  But I think, so some of the, some of it has changed for sure, but you know, uh, yeah, that's gotta be hard trying to figure it out, but who cares? Nobody gives a fuck about this. This is, this is, everyone's like, shut the fuck up. Talk about your dead relatives more. Make fun of JP for talking about his, for making you think about pain and sorrow.

• 39:24Speaker 04

  That's what I'm here for.

• 39:26Speaker 03

  Stop, should I tell people, are, are we done?

• 39:29Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, no, no, no, no. We're not even close.

• 39:31Speaker 03

  Okay, good.

• 39:31Stavros Halkias?

  Sorry. That's not how we do things around here. Podcast, see, podcasting is about volume. It's not about quality. We'll be talking for at least another 45 minutes.

• 39:45Speaker 03

  He's taking my bag.

• 39:46Stavros Halkias?

  We haven't even gotten to the calls yet. So, yeah, yeah.

• 39:48Speaker 03

  Okay. JP, do you know this, that I DM'd Stav like a few months ago? I go, Stav, I gotta tell you, buddy. Thank you. Cause I booked this job where I had to have a Philly accent and I studied. I studied your video of your, your video of your Philly guy.

• 40:02Speaker 04

  A mid Atlantic masterclass.

• 40:04Speaker 03

  I studied it over and over and I did it and, and thank you. He immediately goes, hey buddy, that's Baltimore.

• 40:11Stavros Halkias?

  I was offended. I was like, how dare you?

• 40:14Speaker 04

  And you weren't picking up on the subtle nuances of the dialect? What are you stupid or something? That's like the difference. It's like the difference between Australia and New Zealand, dude.

• 40:27Speaker 04

  You're fucking up.

• 40:28Speaker 03

  Yeah. And he was like, definitely study something else before you do it. I'm like, we wrapped.

• 40:36Stavros Halkias?

  I definitely, after sending that, I was like, cause I guess I just misread your message. I was like, oh, I, um, I got it. I'm about to, and then I was like, no, I felt like a fucking.

• 40:44Speaker 03

  No, it was great.

• 40:44Speaker 04

  Is that one of those NFL countdown things that you did?

• 40:47Speaker 03

  It was not, let's not mention which. I did a great job and it was a pitch perfectly.

• 40:53Speaker 03

  Here's the thing, as a woman doing a big accent anyway, like even if it's my home, even if it's my voice now.

• 40:59Stavros Halkias?

  Cause you, you know.

• 41:00Speaker 03

  People are gonna go, that's not right. So it's almost like people are gonna kind of be mad.

• 41:03Speaker 04

  Thing in the world.

• 41:04Speaker 03

  Please.

• 41:05Stavros Halkias?

  Regional accent.

• 41:06Speaker 04

  People try to correct you on accent like.

• 41:08Speaker 03

  This is how I'm born.

• 41:09Stavros Halkias?

  You're sort of, you're sort of cornering big, loud, northeastern to east coast accents. Cause you've done a lot of.

• 41:16Speaker 03

  Kind of you too. Kind of you too.

• 41:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, we are. We are, we are representing our, our, our local cultures.

• 41:21Speaker 03

  Like when I see you on a TV show, it's nice. It's like, yeah, that's, that's nice.

• 41:25Stavros Halkias?

  Well, you've been, you, you got, you honestly might have, you've done it. I mean, this must be huge in mass. We're talking Sam Adams and Dunkin Donuts, right?

• 41:33Speaker 03

  We're talking Sam, we're talking Sam Adams, Dunkin Donuts, and we're talking Tom Brady commercials.

• 41:36Stavros Halkias?

  Tom Brady, I mean, come on.

• 41:38Speaker 04

  Triple stamp.

• 41:40Stavros Halkias?

  That's huge. That's huge.

• 41:42Speaker 03

  No, totally. It's cool.

• 41:43Stavros Halkias?

  Everyone must be, I mean, you could, you like, you'll do cooler stuff from now on.

• 41:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:48Stavros Halkias?

  And no one in Boston will give a fuck.

• 41:50Speaker 04

  In the, in the all female reboot of the town that you started.

• 41:54Speaker 03

  It would be.

• 41:56Stavros Halkias?

  That's the girl from the Tommy commercials, bro.

• 41:57Speaker 03

  When I tell you an all female reboot of the town, even just a shot for shot remake of the town where I get to be an extra.

• 42:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 42:04Speaker 03

  The highlight of my life.

• 42:05Stavros Halkias?

  No, you get to be Jeremy Renner. You get to be the insane one.

• 42:08Speaker 03

  Hey, what's our take in? Yeah, let's go. Yeah, no, I feel, that's another thing I feel like first 10 years, it's almost like shed who I am and just kind of becomes, and now I'm like, no, I just wanna, I just wanna make movies and TV shows and everything I make, I want it to be about where I'm from.

• 42:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 42:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, so that, yeah.

• 42:27Stavros Halkias?

  What was Tom like IRL?

• 42:29Speaker 03

  Incredible.

• 42:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 42:29Speaker 03

  So sweet, so kind, fun, yeah.

• 42:32Stavros Halkias?

  Did he kiss his son while you were there?

• 42:37Speaker 04

  There's language in the contract, Stavros.

• 42:41Stavros Halkias?

  I'll just make it look like we bleeped out something Alicia said.

• 42:46Speaker 03

  I'm like, yeah.

• 42:48Stavros Halkias?

  No, but I have, I had, I had another buddy who is a Boston guy who worked with him and he was like, he was the, Mike Mitchell, Doughboys, who's a guest, a recent guest on this show as well, he said that he was working with Tom Brady and that he was kinda, not icy, just like very professional.

• 43:04Speaker 03

  Definitely.

• 43:05Stavros Halkias?

  Until Mike was, one of the riffs he did was like humping the football and Brady was like, nice. So truly, he's just like a jock.

• 43:15Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 43:15Stavros Halkias?

  Just like a fuck, he, he might, he's the greatest quarterback ever, but at the end of the day, he's a dumb jock. Like, and when you go like.

• 43:22Speaker 03

  A very smart jock, a very smart jock. A very smart jock, yeah, who, yeah.

• 43:26Speaker 04

  I worked with, I worked with Edelman a few months ago.

• 43:29Speaker 03

  No.

• 43:29Speaker 04

  And he's like the epitome of a jock, he's kinda the man.

• 43:32Stavros Halkias?

  He's the man, yeah, I did his podcast too.

• 43:33Speaker 04

  He was like, we were in some, some venue shooting this thing and he like went to the bathroom and came back, he's like, who left a jellyfish in the toilet? A jellyfish? He's like, yeah, a bunch of comp. This is called leaving a jellyfish.

• 43:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, he was the man.

• 43:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, that's kinda, I'm sure that's, yeah, that was the same thing. He was a little, at first it was like there, and then I think I did him, I like roasted him in a Boston accent or something. Alright, everybody's, yeah. Yeah, it's fun, it's fun working with athletes because you're like, you are the best in your field. Like, but then we're meeting here, where we're like, we're getting to do this.

• 44:12Stavros Halkias?

  They need, you, there's like an urgency where they're like, I need help. In their eyes, you see it, they're like, please make me look good.

• 44:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, and you're like, you're the best in the world, like, I, yeah, yeah.

• 44:23Stavros Halkias?

  It is awesome. It is awesome to have, I have no other skills, but it's like, I get to feel like, I'll, I'll help you little buddy. To want to like a jazz champion. Who's like, like thousands of people have watched that him play, you know what I mean?

• 44:39Speaker 04

  Totally. Getting free stuff for being awesome since they were a teenager.

• 44:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 44:44Speaker 03

  He's awesome. I mean, I feel like, yeah, he's, his, his mentality too, he's just a, because you know, he was a, he was an underdog.

• 44:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, alright, relax. Enough with this fucking Boston propaganda.

• 44:55Speaker 04

  Yeah, when he played Eli Manning, he was a fucking underdog.

• 44:59Speaker 04

  Twice.

• 45:00Stavros Halkias?

  Were you, did you play, did you play sports? Is that, do you?

• 45:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, I was a, I was like a runner. So I do all this sport on them.

• 45:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, different culture than, than like, you know, like?

• 45:09Speaker 04

  What kind of running?

• 45:10Stavros Halkias?

  Sports?

• 45:10Speaker 03

  Kind of, but I was a, like, I was like a, I was a sprinter.

• 45:14Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 45:14Speaker 03

  And I was a competitor, we were like very competitive and we were on relay teams.

• 45:19Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, okay, so not long distance, we're talking track.

• 45:21Speaker 03

  Track, track and field, sprinting.

• 45:23Stavros Halkias?

  Sprinting feels like the most like competitive one of those.

• 45:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, and it was, I-

• 45:27Stavros Halkias?

  The most jockish.

• 45:28Speaker 03

  Totally. So like 100, 200, 400, and then 4x1, 4x4. And yeah, I, I, I loved it. And still to this day, I'll go to McCarran Park basically every day and I will, hey, put my hand and touch the track.

• 45:41Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, that's so funny.

• 45:44Speaker 03

  Touch the track to just-

• 45:45Stavros Halkias?

  You really are a Boston idiot. It's like a guy picking up a football being like-

• 45:49Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. I gotta maintain my palaces on my fingers from the track. I used to grind my fingers down to nothing.

• 46:00Speaker 03

  I touch the track, I go.

• 46:02Speaker 04

  There's nothing like that smell.

• 46:04Speaker 03

  Literally, I want that red on my finger. I go, yeah, Lady Rams.

• 46:08Stavros Halkias?

  I know, dude, I mean, I'm making fun of you, but it's like, I played one year of high school football. And like Astoria Park has those like lights and I look up and I'm like.

• 46:17Speaker 04

  Sense memory.

• 46:18Stavros Halkias?

  Friday night lights, baby.

• 46:22Stavros Halkias?

  I think about the like, I had like four good plays and I have a life, I had a life altering shoulder injury. Just to play one year of like, cause to feel cool, to put on a helmet and be like, I'm fucking cool, man. Literally, my shoulder will never be the same.

• 46:36Speaker 03

  My hips are like, cannot run, I have no hips. They're like, I have arthritis and whatever. Yeah, but God.

• 46:42Stavros Halkias?

  God, it feels, you do, you're like, man, I was.

• 46:45Speaker 04

  I didn't play hard enough to get long-term injuries. I was more of a show pony.

• 46:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 46:50Speaker 04

  I was the guy in the layup lines dunking and that's all I wanted.

• 46:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 46:54Speaker 03

  No, but I loved it. And I do think it is like, it's, I, I, yeah, I'm like, everyone should play high school.

• 47:00Stavros Halkias?

  I kind of agree. So I do think it's important to just like, from a purely camaraderie standpoint.

• 47:04Speaker 03

  Camaraderie and like discipline and like, we lose in this business all the time. And I think like.

• 47:09Stavros Halkias?

  Life is losing.

• 47:09Speaker 03

  Is losing. And I think sports helps you be like, yeah, you lose all the time and then you win. You get the losses. You go, okay, how can I get stronger? How can I get faster? How can I, and then you.

• 47:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 47:20Speaker 03

  Keep going. So I do think it, it.

• 47:21Speaker 04

  Have my parlay, listen to some gambling wins.

• 47:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, then you start gambling and you go to your nephew's game. You gamble on him. He doesn't hit enough fucking dingers.

• 47:29Speaker 04

  You put some creatine in his cereal.

• 47:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 47:32Speaker 04

  You get him strong. You start putting him on PEDs.

• 47:35Stavros Halkias?

  I can't wait. I can't wait to have an underground gambling ring going at my fucking nephew's jujitsu matches.

• 47:41Speaker 04

  Totally unregulated. It's a, it's a goldmine.

• 47:45Speaker 04

  And the access you have to inside information is unparalleled.

• 47:48Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, Timmy's come down with a stomach bug, you say.

• 47:51Speaker 04

  First armpit hair came in. He's about to go off.

• 47:55Stavros Halkias?

  Beautiful. Well, look, we have, we have our own, our own little, little, not only do we have nephews in the next generation, we have our callers to lead.

• 48:04Speaker 03

  Beautiful segue.

• 48:05Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you. I'm kind of like, I'm kind of like a broadcaster here.

• 48:09Speaker 04

  This is about dispensing wisdom.

• 48:10Stavros Halkias?

  It's about wisdom, you know.

• 48:12Speaker 03

  And that's sort of the name, the name of it.

• 48:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yep. Mm-hmm. What do we got here?

• 48:16Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 48:16Stavros Halkias?

  Eldis, hit us with some questions, buddy.

• 48:19Speaker 06

  Ever notice how every new AI tool asks you to explain your business to it all over again? Google Workspace with Gemini skips that. You get Google's AI built right into the premium versions of Gmail, Docs, Sheets, and more. No new tools, no extra logins, just one subscription that gives you personalized AI right inside your actual workflow. Make work less work. Try Google Workspace with Gemini at G O O dot G L E slash Workspace with Gemini.

• 48:48Speaker 01

  Time for a quick break to talk about McDonald's. It's the tangiest time of the year. For a limited time, head to McDonald's and get a McRib sandwich. Make it a meal by adding a medium fries and a soft drink like an ice cold Diet Dr. Pepper. So grab a McRib sandwich and embrace the tang. Save time by ordering ahead on the app. At participating McDonald's for a limited time. Dr. Pepper is a registered trademark of Dr. Pepper, 7-Up Inc.

• 49:13Stavros Halkias?

  Hi, Stu. Hi, Eldis. Highest esteemed guest. Um, I got a predicament. I recently started seeing someone. We've been seeing each other for about a month. It's a small town that I live in, small enough that like, um, like people kind of know people. It's an itty-bitty town, but it's big enough that you can run into people, kind of. Anyway.

• 49:42Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 49:43Stavros Halkias?

  Um, so the problem is this guy I've been seeing, we've been seeing each other for a month, and I just found out that he is, he has a felony charge.

• 49:53Speaker 03

  Uh-oh.

• 49:54Stavros Halkias?

  Okay. Um, and personally, it's a little bit hot that he has the charge. Respect. But also, the charge is deeply troubling.

• 50:12Stavros Halkias?

  It's deeply troubling. It's not white collar crime.

• 50:17Speaker 04

  It's so hot that he was poisoning old people. Allegedly.

• 50:22Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, my God. All right. Let's see what we got here, Eldis. Deeply troubling, like the charge itself is not hot. So I am concerned. He seems to have like just really have turned his life around in the last like three to four years. And the charges are from about three years ago. And based on what he said, he was like deeply unmedicated, deeply toxic, drinking, smoking. He's sober now, on medication, in therapy. Um, so, yeah, I'm about to talk to him this weekend. And so this, you know, I just. When was this call? When's this call coming, Eldis?

• 51:01Speaker 03

  Oh, no, it's.

• 51:03Stavros Halkias?

  It might be a month or two. And this episode doesn't come out for another month, probably?

• 51:08Speaker 04

  Local news story out there about this from like a Fox affiliate.

• 51:12Stavros Halkias?

  Serial season five about this bitch already, Eldis, you motherfucker.

• 51:15Speaker 04

  This is evidence.

• 51:20Speaker 04

  The FBI is going to be listening to this call for the background noises.

• 51:25Speaker 04

  Oh, my God, he was coming in through the window as she left the message on the podcast.

• 51:31Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, brother, we really got to work on our screening around here.

• 51:35Speaker 04

  Background checks from here on out.

• 51:36Stavros Halkias?

  OK, though, but generally, we have, look, for someone in the future in this, in a similar situation. Um, yeah, I mean, look, this is, this is kind of a classic. Uh, whatever you decide to do is fine scenario where it's like. You know, we don't want to ju, you know, you don't want to judge a person with a past, but also you're OK. If you just don't feel comfortable, certain people have different tolerances for what they think. It, you know, in a romantic, this is a romantic relationship, this is not like. I'm not talking about like hiring this person for like, uh, uh, an entry level job where it's like illegal to discriminate. This is like, you know, and not right to, you know, you're not.

• 52:19Stavros Halkias?

  No one that you don't feel comfortable with for any reason. You don't have to be in a relationship with anyone you don't want to. I think is what it comes down to, but also. This, you know, this is somebody who's been up front, relatively up front. I mean, you know, in a month, could he have told you a little sooner, maybe, but it's like you just started seeing each other. You kind of want to see if there's even a, like, if you have any kind of chronic problem, whether it's a felony charge, maybe herpes, you know what I mean? Like, herpes, you probably have to tell before you fuck, but you know what I'm saying? Like, whatever, if there's like, you want to get to know somebody first before you drop a, you know, something crazy on them. And, you know, maybe he was a little late, but it doesn't sound like it's that late.

• 53:00Stavros Halkias?

  Um, and if he's told you like, hey, I feel this connection, here's what happened. I have, you know, I've been in therapy, I've been medicated, I've been sober. And you think that's, that works for you, great? If not, you're not a bad person for being like, that's cool, but this is a little bit of, like, I don't, you know, if, if, you know, if you're like, I, I don't want to be in this way. It just makes me even a little uneasy enough to not be in a relationship. But ultimately, that's up to you, right? Like, it's not, but either way is fine. You don't need to be guilted into staying in a relationship you don't want to be. Um, and you also don't have to, like, just because something is on paper a deal breaker, if you feel like somebody's been upfront with you and it seems like they're a different person,

• 53:44Stavros Halkias?

  you don't have to ruin what you think has potential. But that's up to you. You know, we can't really fucking tell you which way to go with that.

• 53:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, it seems to me like a safety thing. You go, this is deeply troubling.

• 53:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, how deeply troubling?

• 53:59Speaker 03

  He stole like a, did he steal like a ton of shit and you're like, that's troubling? It's like, alright, he's probably fine.

• 54:04Stavros Halkias?

  Did he beat his girlfriend?

• 54:06Speaker 03

  Right, so.

• 54:07Stavros Halkias?

  If it's anything like that.

• 54:09Speaker 03

  Oh, uh-oh.

• 54:10Stavros Halkias?

  What is it?

• 54:11Speaker 03

  Okay, felony examples.

• 54:12Stavros Halkias?

  Elders just put, type felony examples.

• 54:14Speaker 03

  They're not good.

• 54:15Stavros Halkias?

  And they start with murder, rape, robbery, but they, that doesn't have to be those. Those are the big ones.

• 54:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:21Stavros Halkias?

  But, you know, burglary, drug, it could be drugs. Now.

• 54:24Speaker 03

  You know, we're hoping for drugs on this one.

• 54:26Stavros Halkias?

  We're death.

• 54:26Speaker 03

  We're really hoping for drugs.

• 54:28Speaker 04

  Tax evasion even better.

• 54:29Speaker 03

  Even better.

• 54:30Speaker 04

  Tax evasion now counts as a plus.

• 54:31Speaker 03

  I had this, yes.

• 54:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 54:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:33Speaker 04

  Animal cruelty, that one we wouldn't be crazy about.

• 54:36Stavros Halkias?

  What kind of dog?

• 54:37Speaker 04

  Cybercrimes, maybe he's good at computers, maybe there's a future there.

• 54:40Stavros Halkias?

  But it's, it really comes down to, like, for me personally, right? If it's not about me, like, if it's not something where it's like domestic.

• 54:48Speaker 03

  Right.

• 54:48Stavros Halkias?

  Or like violent.

• 54:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:50Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, you know, it's like, I don't fuck, you know, whatever. It's like, people have done, if it's drugs, I really don't give a.

• 54:55Speaker 03

  As well as the turning his life around, but yeah, it's a safe.

• 54:57Stavros Halkias?

  It, it, yeah, no, exactly. If we're talking about you have three years, and also how old is this person? How young were they when they did, when they made their mistake? Like, you know, what's the context that all this shit happened with? You know, I think ultimately if it's not something that is like, it's violent to you and you believe the, the context that it happened makes sense and you believe that they've turned their life around.

• 55:19Speaker 04

  I mean, I, I know people from like my past who have like done felonious things with drugs. And now you, now you would never know that they were like.

• 55:27Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, I mean, basically.

• 55:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I went to Balti- I went to Baltimore City Public Schools, like, I have friends who were like truly in gangs and like were shot and are like.

• 55:36Speaker 04

  We know people who have worn ankle monitors.

• 55:38Stavros Halkias?

  And are like, oh, for sure.

• 55:39Speaker 04

  Good people now.

• 55:40Stavros Halkias?

  And they were p- truly pieces of shit.

• 55:42Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 55:42Stavros Halkias?

  Don't get me wrong, like, they, like, but have fully have families, are small business owners, are, you know, cops now. Firefighters, like, just shit like, like, they have just kind of figured their shit out and it's like, yeah, exactly, you would never be able to tell. But again, at the end of the day.

• 56:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 56:02Stavros Halkias?

  This is your personal life.

• 56:03Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 56:04Stavros Halkias?

  This is not some, and like, we, and as a society, we should not be stopping people who have had, who've made mistakes from getting a second chance. You can't descrip- but this is not like, again, this is not societal, this is like granular, your personal life, if you feel uncomfortable.

• 56:20Speaker 03

  Can I add one more thing?

• 56:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 56:22Speaker 03

  You might want to get like a second opinion too, because sometimes when you're hearing from someone, they're gonna tell you the best version of the story. Maybe if this guy's dated someone that you know since it's a small town, or has a best friend.

• 56:30Speaker 04

  Good point.

• 56:31Speaker 03

  Maybe check in with them.

• 56:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, do you have any, yes.

• 56:32Speaker 03

  Is this like, is, do you, do you corroborate that this is kind of?

• 56:35Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 56:35Speaker 03

  And they go, yeah, yeah, he's so.

• 56:37Stavros Halkias?

  Hire a P I.

• 56:38Speaker 03

  Maybe hire a P I.

• 56:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, get a file on it.

• 56:41Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 56:41Speaker 04

  Put spyware on his computer.

• 56:43Speaker 03

  Yes, yes, evade a little taxes.

• 56:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. You propose to him to do some crime.

• 56:50Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 56:51Stavros Halkias?

  See how he, yeah, exactly, exactly, exactly, exactly.

• 56:55Speaker 03

  We have a ring, we have a, you come to the jujitsu.

• 56:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll, we'll, we'll figure it out. I think that, yeah. So those are your options, I think.

• 57:02Speaker 04

  Like, uh, Elizabeth was saying about safety, first sign of trouble, maybe get out.

• 57:05Speaker 03

  That's true.

• 57:06Speaker 04

  If there's a, if there's a warning sign, if there's like a second cell phone or something like that, something weird, eh, maybe call it.

• 57:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 57:13Speaker 05

  She also said she thinks it's hot. I feel like, you know. Do you have a pattern of going for a certain kind of guy?

• 57:21Stavros Halkias?

  Dumb bitch alert.

• 57:22Speaker 03

  Love you. She said, love you. This is a, this is a pain, man.

• 57:27Stavros Halkias?

  That's, we don't know, look, if you're on the Patreon, I rescind my dumb bitch alert.

• 57:34Speaker 03

  But yeah, it's already, again, at this point, something either horrible or beautiful has happened.

• 57:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 57:43Stavros Halkias?

  Eldis, please fucking go through these a little earlier. Even when we're not recording, that doesn't mean you don't have to screen them anymore. Uh, all right, play us another one, buddy boy. Oh, what the hell? Holy shit, I can't believe it. Do you know what time it is, McDade?

• 58:01Speaker 05

  What?

• 58:03Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, it's a very special time. It's time to. Oh, this is the motherfucking ass fucked up motherfucking question of the week, brought to you by twisted ass fucking titty fucking tea.

• 58:17Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 58:20Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, what's the twisted ass fucked up motherfucking ass titty fucking question of the week, brought to you by cock, cock, please.

• 58:31Stavros Halkias?

  Keep it twisted.

• 58:35Stavros Halkias?

  What is it this time, Eldis?

• 58:35Speaker 04

  What is the cunt's screaming question?

• 58:40Stavros Halkias?

  Cunt's screaming twisted fucking ass question? Like, how much can we do before they take the money away?

• 58:51Speaker 04

  To keep it twisted, you gotta get it twisted first.

• 58:53Stavros Halkias?

  You gotta get it twisted and don't get it twisted.

• 58:56Speaker 04

  And never get it twisted.

• 58:57Stavros Halkias?

  Keep it motherfucking twisted.

• 58:59Speaker 04

  When you're keeping it twisted.

• 59:01Stavros Halkias?

  So fucking true.

• 59:05Speaker 04

  If you stay twisted, you don't gotta get twisted.

• 59:07Stavros Halkias?

  So fucking true, just penis.

• 59:11Stavros Halkias?

  Alright Eldis, what do we got? Hey, Stav, Eldis and esteemed guest.

• 59:19Stavros Halkias?

  Quick background on me, uh, twenty-nine years old, about to be thirty.

• 59:25Stavros Halkias?

  A lawyer, relatively successful guy. Just got out of a really long-term relationship. Um, four years, we lived together, the whole thing.

• 59:38Stavros Halkias?

  Faded that, not faded out, I mean, she broke up with me and that sucked, that was about a year ago. Anyway, I'm starting to date again. And the first real successful connection that I've formed is with a girl the same name as my ex-girlfriend. And it's proving to be a huge problem. Interesting. I can't bring myself to use her name around her because it's just like weird. You can't use her name around her?

• 1:00:07Stavros Halkias?

  You know, there's a direct correlation with Hey babe. You know, the past four years of my life with that name, I just don't I would prefer not be involved in, in my next foray, so uh, is that a, is that a deal breaker? Or is this something you think I can get behind? Uh, you know, get used to? I don't- Kill it with the ladies. I mean, I do okay. Um, but it's not easy for me to find a girl that I'm attracted to that is attracted to me that, you know, that seems to work. And this one does seem to work for the most part. It does live kind of far away, but other than that, Far away. You know, the name thing is really the thing if you I've had.

• 1:00:49Stavros Halkias?

  I'm being crazy. I need your esteemed fat guy wisdom as a fat man myself. Um, to guide me. So eldest, fucking figure this out. Get this on quick. Get this on. That helps. Don't threatening us is not keeping it twisted.

• 1:01:08Speaker 04

  No, no, no.

• 1:01:09Stavros Halkias?

  Threatening us is not gonna keep it twisted. Okay. You threaten eldest. That's not gonna get you and this lady that's named the same name as your ex-girlfriend. Sitting back, backyard, couple of ice cold twisted teeth. That's not gonna get you there.

• 1:01:24Speaker 04

  Not at all.

• 1:01:24Stavros Halkias?

  And that's where you find love, by the way.

• 1:01:28Stavros Halkias?

  Um.

• 1:01:30Stavros Halkias?

  Is it a deal breaker that this girl is named your ex's name? Um.

• 1:01:37Speaker 04

  But see, he took a year.

• 1:01:39Stavros Halkias?

  I would say you gotta fucking take it a step further. Dress her up in her clothes.

• 1:01:43Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:01:44Stavros Halkias?

  Get her the same haircut.

• 1:01:45Speaker 04

  You have some of her perfume lying around on the floor.

• 1:01:47Stavros Halkias?

  Spray her down. Be like, I got you this.

• 1:01:49Speaker 04

  While she's sleeping.

• 1:01:50Stavros Halkias?

  Don't you think you should get curly? Don't you think you should have curly hair? Why don't I buy you a perm?

• 1:01:54Speaker 04

  She wakes up, oh, was I wearing makeup when I went to bed? Why do you have this old makeup?

• 1:02:00Stavros Halkias?

  Be like Liberace. Get her fucking, uh, just plastic surgery that makes her look like your ex-girlfriend. Best, like, you gotta lean, keep it twisted and lean all the way into this.

• 1:02:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:02:11Stavros Halkias?

  Um.

• 1:02:12Speaker 04

  Take her to your ex's parents' house on a trip and be like, it's so good to have us all back together.

• 1:02:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:22Speaker 04

  Get the parents in on it.

• 1:02:23Stavros Halkias?

  Don't you love your child at home? She's like, what are you talking about? You're scaring me.

• 1:02:27Speaker 05

  Oh, remember this picture of us from New Year's twenty twenty-two? Wasn't that such a fun night?

• 1:02:33Speaker 04

  Little Photoshop. Little Photoshop goes a long way.

• 1:02:38Stavros Halkias?

  I love you so much, Erica.

• 1:02:42Speaker 04

  I can't picture my life without you.

• 1:02:48Speaker 04

  Tell us to hurry up.

• 1:02:49Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah, that's what you get for telling us to do it fucking fast, you piece of shit.

• 1:02:56Stavros Halkias?

  Look, man, I don't know what to tell you. Same name. Who gives a fuck?

• 1:03:00Speaker 04

  You took a year already. You were working on a classic car by yourself for a year in the garage.

• 1:03:05Stavros Halkias?

  That's right.

• 1:03:06Speaker 04

  Resettling, refinding yourself.

• 1:03:07Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:03:08Speaker 04

  What are you worried about now?

• 1:03:09Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, look, can you work on a nickname? Like, can, can you try something fun?

• 1:03:17Stavros Halkias?

  If she really wants to be, I mean, I don't know. This, this is interesting. Cause it is the kind of thing where you don't know unless you're faced with it.

• 1:03:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:03:24Stavros Halkias?

  But at the same time, it's like,

• 1:03:27Stavros Halkias?

  your ex has got to be your ex. Like, if this was, if this was like, you know, maybe you dated somebody in between these two people, would it really matter that much? Like, I'm trying to think about it now. Like, if I, you know, if I started dating someone who had an ex's name now that I have so much like distance from it, I wouldn't be like, eh, part of me would be like, that's a little strange, whatever, but it's like, it's about the person. It's not about their fucking name. You know what I mean?

• 1:03:54Speaker 04

  Two roses by the same name.

• 1:03:56Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 1:03:56Speaker 04

  You know?

• 1:03:57Stavros Halkias?

  And it's like, also, what is this girl's name? Fucking Sarah? Is it Liz?

• 1:04:02Speaker 04

  It's Eunice.

• 1:04:02Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:04:05Speaker 04

  I keep dating old ladies.

• 1:04:06Speaker 05

  I, I will say, it sounds like it is authentic and this, what I'm about to say might be a little unfair, but how pussy-starved are you? You know?

• 1:04:16Speaker 04

  That sounds fucking fair to me. That sounds motherfucking fair.

• 1:04:21Stavros Halkias?

  It sounds like you're keeping it twisted.

• 1:04:24Speaker 05

  She's living far, that's a bad sign.

• 1:04:26Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:04:27Speaker 05

  It sounds like you don't really get that much pussy overall. That's a bad sign. You admitted that yourself.

• 1:04:35Speaker 05

  I mean, those, those two facts right there are bad signs to me. So, overall, I feel like-

• 1:04:41Stavros Halkias?

  We're in beggars can't be choosers territory.

• 1:04:43Speaker 05

  So, overall, I'd be like, yeah, I agree with you. Like, you know, especially if it is some bullshit like Sarah or something, that's not the biggest deal, but if you're saying it's bad enough that you can't bring yourself to utter her name, to refer to her by her name.

• 1:04:59Stavros Halkias?

  That could be enough for me to be like, I don't know. She's nice enough, but I don't know if I need to like force myself to work on this for the next eight months.

• 1:05:08Speaker 04

  See, I think you gotta push through, because once you push through and you get normal to like, okay, this is Lauren now or whoever.

• 1:05:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:14Speaker 04

  Then you've completed another step of moving on from the last relationship.

• 1:05:18Stavros Halkias?

  It's sort of like, if you, if you overcome this, you're actually kind of killing two birds with one stone. Because like, it will be kind of hard, it will be annoying, but it's like, this to me just means you're not fully over your last girl. And it's like, this will help you even though it will be annoying. So, keep it twisted, get some pussy. Crack open an ice cold, look, it's about to be football season. Get a game day pack. Okay, get a fucking game day pack from Twi- our pals at Twisted Tea.

• 1:05:46Speaker 04

  Is this fantasy beverage drinking?

• 1:05:49Stavros Halkias?

  And just have a nice, maybe a peach, maybe a fucking half and half, maybe a raspberry, or the classic original. With this new girl who is the same name as your old girl. And don't forget, folks, no matter what you're doing, you want to remember to. Keep it twisted. Whoa, what the hell? Whoa, we go, wait, where'd Alyssa go, by the way? Whoa, I hope she's back when we're done with this, Paul, when we get out of the twisted zone.

• 1:06:20Speaker 05

  Stavi, eldest, I got a problem.

• 1:06:24Speaker 05

  So, my wife got a new contraception device, and I'm not really sure which device it is, but I can describe it.

• 1:06:34Stavros Halkias?

  You don't know, what do you mean?

• 1:06:37Speaker 05

  Uh, it's implanted in her area. And it creates some sort of friction that causes no babies to happen.

• 1:06:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, what do you mean?

• 1:06:50Speaker 05

  All that's great.

• 1:06:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, my wife's got a contraception device, it's one of those LED masks, makes me too scared to go anywhere near her.

• 1:07:02Stavros Halkias?

  Very nicely done, JP.

• 1:07:07Speaker 05

  One, one small problem. There's like a string or something that hangs down.

• 1:07:14Stavros Halkias?

  This is crazy that you haven't asked your wife about this.

• 1:07:17Speaker 05

  And while we're having sex, it hurts like a lot. Like if there's, you know, the full, full, full penetration there.

• 1:07:27Stavros Halkias?

  He's whispering it?

• 1:07:28Speaker 05

  It feels like I'm getting stabbed in the dick with a knife.

• 1:07:31Speaker 03

  This guy is home. This guy is home. He's watching the ID. This is a home man.

• 1:07:34Stavros Halkias?

  True, true, true. I've ne- I've never had this issue. I've never had this issue. Keep going, Aldous.

• 1:07:42Speaker 05

  And it's, it's, it's very painful. There, there's no, uh, marks that are left.

• 1:07:47Stavros Halkias?

  Marks?

• 1:07:48Speaker 05

  Um, but, God, it is the worst. And I, I keep, uh, bringing it up. I say, you know, we, we really gotta change contraception, uh, options here.

• 1:07:58Stavros Halkias?

  His wife's just tired of fucking him? He's put a little Swiss Army knife in her pussy? She put a couple toe clippers, those tiny nail clippers?

• 1:08:08Speaker 04

  She put Home Alone traps in there, like the nail that Marv steps on.

• 1:08:15Stavros Halkias?

  She's like, "Yeah, don't know what to tell you. Just contraception."

• 1:08:21Speaker 05

  Absolutely not working for me. Uh, but she keeps trying to make the case that this is her favorite option and that, uh, this is, this is the one that we're sticking with. I, I don't know how much longer I can, I can hold out. Uh, sometimes, uh, you know, it feels like I get stabbed hundreds of times.

• 1:08:40Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, that's crazy.

• 1:08:42Speaker 05

  Um, love the show. Uh, just looking for, for a little advice. How, how can I, uh, broach this conversation better with my wife where she understands this is, this is a real, real problem?

• 1:08:56Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, I think part of the problem is that how soft spoken you are.

• 1:08:59Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:09:00Stavros Halkias?

  Like, does she even know this? Or are you like, you know what, actually kinda, and she's just like, "What was that?" You're like, "Um, nothing." Like, how, like, just from your vibe alone, have you had this conversation?

• 1:09:09Speaker 04

  She's, she's making me, uh, sorry, letting me wear a penile cage.

• 1:09:15Stavros Halkias?

  But this is crazy, I mean like

• 1:09:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:09:18Stavros Halkias?

  Also, what, you, you don't know the name, here, there's a couple of problems here, obviously. It, it's his wife. A married couple, if there's like. If sex is painful for one or the other person. You gotta figure that out ultimately, right, like you can't, like, it's like. It, it can't just be painful for either party, that's, that's insane. But also, you don't know the name of this thing. You know what I mean, like, you, you're cut, like, you, have you asked her what it is? Have you done any research, like, maybe it's a misplaced, maybe it's a misplaced? It sounds like a misplaced ID, I had, you know, I, like. You, when you know they're there, it feels like that's a problem, you know what I mean, like.

• 1:09:59Stavros Halkias?

  Um, so I don't know, like, you should know the name of the thing, you should do a little research. There's probably, if this is the thing that happens commonly, it's probably on the fucking, there's probably Reddit. You know, Reddit's about.

• 1:10:11Speaker 03

  I don't think this is, like, I think this is not, it, it shouldn't, this is bad. It shouldn't be happening, that, so it's either, something's wrong, cuz I don't think. That.

• 1:10:20Stavros Halkias?

  No, there's no way, I mean, yeah, to me, I think true, I don't know what else it could be, other than a fucked up.

• 1:10:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's gotta be the string.

• 1:10:27Speaker 03

  Also, well, okay, also, I will say this, this does feel like probably a bigger issue, because I will say that getting an IUD, I have an IUD, getting it in. And out is the single most painful experience of your fucking life, but it's the only thing you can do to not have, like, hormones. So I bet maybe there's some even resentment where she's like, is it painful for you? Like, do you know how painful this was for me, and like, I'm the one who has to, so I think this might be a thing of like, recognizing. That, okay, maybe she's had difficulty on hormones, and she does feel happy, while also, this is not working for you, so. Are, like, what's, what's it gonna be, but you should not be having sex.

• 1:11:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you're, you're, yeah, you're stabbing your dick. And yes, this could be too, maybe your dick is too big, you might have to chop a little bit of it off. Maybe she's got a weird shaped pussy, so the IUD sits a little lower in it, maybe she needs to.

• 1:11:14Speaker 03

  She's got a little pussy.

• 1:11:15Stavros Halkias?

  She's got, maybe she's got a little pussy, big dick. You guys need to break up, give her up to some little dick guy. Rehome each other, this is like, you find some huge pussied woman with a large IUD, you're never coming into contact with.

• 1:11:28Speaker 04

  Big dog, little house.

• 1:11:30Stavros Halkias?

  You send her, you bring her over to Stavi's world. We could use what she's working with around here.

• 1:11:37Speaker 04

  What if they make condoms that are just for the head?

• 1:11:39Stavros Halkias?

  A little helmet?

• 1:11:41Speaker 04

  Yeah, a little helmet.

• 1:11:42Stavros Halkias?

  Put a little helmet.

• 1:11:43Speaker 04

  Right into the underside, like a swim cap. Protect yourself.

• 1:11:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you're getting sides. The sides feel good. Yeah, put some kind of helmet around your dick. Yeah, I mean, the other option, I guess, probably sounds like no, no contraption and you're talking about wearing condoms with your wife. Ugh. I mean, that's, that's ridiculous. So, but yes.

• 1:12:09Speaker 03

  But again, even her taking it, like I'm telling you, like even that is like, she's probably like, no, fuck it. Like I, I almost passed out. My friend passed out. She, people have to go under sometimes because it's so painful.

• 1:12:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, because it's metal, right? If it's not.

• 1:12:22Speaker 04

  Some of them are copper, but there's like the hormonal ones that are not metal.

• 1:12:24Stavros Halkias?

  But if this, because yeah, I think what we're, our context clue thing here is she doesn't want hormones, so it has to be like the one that's literally chopping jizz. No, I think you're right. I think you are right that there is like.

• 1:12:36Speaker 03

  Because otherwise you take the pill.

• 1:12:37Stavros Halkias?

  God forbid you do any Googling about this, Eldis. Just kind of sit there.

• 1:12:41Speaker 03

  Can I tell you what they do too? They're putting it in or taking it out and they're going the whole time, just, just.

• 1:12:47Stavros Halkias?

  Just IUD, huh?

• 1:12:48Speaker 03

  They're going, just relax.

• 1:12:49Stavros Halkias?

  Hold on, I asked Eldis to fucking Google and all he Googled was IUD. You think that's, yeah, hormonal and copper.

• 1:12:55Speaker 04

  Just relax while they have like the dentist tray of instruments.

• 1:12:58Speaker 03

  Put your butt down. You're like, I can't.

• 1:13:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, you're good. Chill out. Yeah. Anyway, okay, that's.

• 1:13:06Stavros Halkias?

  So, yeah, it looks like there's two types. There's the copper and the copper one looks like they have what could be if it's placed different little strings.

• 1:13:13Speaker 03

  Can we just say something too?

• 1:13:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 1:13:15Speaker 03

  If either of us had kids right now, look at those names.

• 1:13:19Speaker 04

  Kylena, beautiful name.

• 1:13:20Speaker 03

  We would be like, oh, by the way, it's Marina.

• 1:13:21Stavros Halkias?

  Marina, Kylena.

• 1:13:25Stavros Halkias?

  Liletta, those are beautiful names.

• 1:13:29Speaker 03

  Those are all of our girls just like having a little playdate. Yeah.

• 1:13:32Stavros Halkias?

  Morena, Kylena, Skyler, Liletta. Those are beautiful. Paragard. Paragard is the copper one. Yep, yep. Yeah, that's interesting. I love how the copper wa- yeah, contains copper wire that releases ions into the uterus. That feels wrong.

• 1:13:46Speaker 03

  I know, and look at the picture of it.

• 1:13:47Speaker 04

  It just turns you into the Statue of Liberty.

• 1:13:49Speaker 03

  It's like that guy, the guy we're talking to is, is he's making contact with-

• 1:13:54Speaker 04

  With the string.

• 1:13:54Speaker 03

  Not the string, JP. The string is like literal string. He's going, he is making contact with the tip of it up there.

• 1:14:01Stavros Halkias?

  The copper tip, yep, yep.

• 1:14:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's going tip to tip.

• 1:14:03Stavros Halkias?

  He's going tip to tip with the IUD.

• 1:14:04Speaker 03

  With the IUD.

• 1:14:06Stavros Halkias?

  So yeah, man, I don't know, you know, but yeah, you have to, I think first of all, ask her what it is. Do a little research and be like, hey, this is a thing that happens a lot. Like, if you have, if you've gone to her and you're like, hey, this hurts for real. This is a thing that happens a lot. Can we talk to your doctor about, like, can we, do they know anything about this?

• 1:14:24Speaker 03

  I know this is your body. I know that this might be difficult. What, but, but I'm just, yeah, exactly.

• 1:14:28Stavros Halkias?

  Or you could go with, look, we got married, I own your pussy. And I don't like how the, I don't like how the, to me, it's like an air fryer.

• 1:14:35Speaker 04

  Napoleonic code states.

• 1:14:37Stavros Halkias?

  To me, it's like, to me, it's sort of like a part of your dowry is your pussy.

• 1:14:43Speaker 04

  You sold me a bill of goods, sweetheart.

• 1:14:47Speaker 04

  This is a lemon.

• 1:14:49Speaker 03

  No!

• 1:14:51Speaker 04

  Your father did not tell me that it would be like this.

• 1:14:54Speaker 03

  I object.

• 1:14:54Speaker 04

  When I asked him.

• 1:14:56Speaker 03

  I object.

• 1:14:56Speaker 04

  To purchase this.

• 1:14:58Speaker 03

  No!

• 1:14:59Stavros Halkias?

  Look, it's ju- we're just putting different views on, it's you all choose.

• 1:15:03Speaker 04

  We're playing to the red states for a minute here.

• 1:15:06Speaker 04

  But also, try before you do anything crazy, mess around with the geometry of positions and things like that and see if maybe there's something where this isn't as much of an issue. Before you do anything that's like medical or whatever.

• 1:15:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's true.

• 1:15:17Stavros Halkias?

  Or you could do this, how about this? If you're, do like a little trick from the WWE. Uh, get a little, little razor.

• 1:15:25Speaker 04

  Keep a razor blade.

• 1:15:25Stavros Halkias?

  Keep a razor, pull your dick out, be like, ah! And your dick's bleeding, you know, and you're like, ah, it pricked me. Or if you don't want to use it on your dick, maybe while you're fingering, be like, finger vigorously, and then come out like, ah, pricked your dick, be like, ah, I'm bleeding! You want me to put my dick in that, you fucking asshole?

• 1:15:42Speaker 03

  Cause she got blood in her pussy, she dies, you have to get the lawsuit, I'm in this? I even know I said I'm going, no! They go, you gotta go to jail. Now, we have felonies, we're calling into a different podcast. I'm dating someone, they found out I have a felony.

• 1:15:56Speaker 04

  So I gave someone toxic shock syndrome through a podcast, it's a long story.

• 1:16:00Stavros Halkias?

  Look, wash your hands and disinfect the razor.

• 1:16:05Speaker 04

  My god, my god, his dick is bleeding.

• 1:16:08Stavros Halkias?

  Oh my god.

• 1:16:09Speaker 04

  Mankind's dick is bleeding.

• 1:16:10Stavros Halkias?

  That's his dick's music. Oh my god, that's the vibrator's music.

• 1:16:16Stavros Halkias?

  When you're doing a bad job fucking, and then you just hear the stone cold, "Oh my god, it's the vibrator's music. He's gonna come finish this off. His pathetic little dick can't do the work."

• 1:16:27Speaker 04

  The vibrator's like, "I'm coming to finish you off at WrestleMania."

• 1:16:33Stavros Halkias?

  Alright, well, good luck, buddy.

• 1:16:34Speaker 03

  Always gets a little tough for me when we go to wrestling. My riffing ability really sort of drops off with the...

• 1:16:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, the vibrator's just coming in disrespecting my little dick, you know?

• 1:16:44Speaker 03

  Sure, I kinda, yeah, no, I got it.

• 1:16:46Stavros Halkias?

  You can context clues the whole thing.

• 1:16:49Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:16:50Speaker 04

  Hey, Tommy.

• 1:16:51Stavros Halkias?

  Well, we solved that.

• 1:16:52Speaker 04

  Esteemed guest, long time fan. Uh, I'm from Miami, and I actually caught you at the, uh, the Chapo Show in Fort Lauderdale.

• 1:17:00Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, look at that.

• 1:17:01Speaker 04

  I bought tickets to your show, but I couldn't make it.

• 1:17:04Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 1:17:05Speaker 04

  Kicking myself over that.

• 1:17:06Stavros Halkias?

  Well, thanks for buying the tickets.

• 1:17:07Speaker 04

  Anyway, just to give you some background, I'm 27 years old, born in Cuba, and I come from an immigrant family, just graduated last year, an advanced degree, and, uh, about the same time, I, uh, exited a relationship I had, like, a pretty serious one. And ever since then, you know, I've just been doing my best out here, trying to not be a degenerate. I got a good job, I'm moving out, finally, in, in like, less than two weeks. Uh, story is, my parents, they're older, conservative immigrants, and they rent an efficiency in their house. New tenant comes in, and it's this old dude.

• 1:17:53Speaker 04

  Now, my dad hits it off with this guy's son, and, uh, instantly, they are trying to arrange a marriage between me and the family's daughter.

• 1:18:06Speaker 03

  The son, it's not even the dad, the son fucking trying to sell off his sister? Jesus, dude.

• 1:18:11Stavros Halkias?

  Hits it off with the tenant? Oh, this is awesome. Keep going. Um, and I'm not kidding, like. The both of the families are apparently on board. They're obsessed with it. My father's obsessed. He's like making calls. Like he's trying to like negotiate a peace agreement. Or I guess more like a like a trade agreement. A doubt. I like look to my mom for support. Like, is this normal? Like, and she's just completely on board. Everyone's on board. What? Their family is on board. I haven't seen this girl. I haven't met her. They have seen her and they just like fell in love instantly. What? They've never tried to like get me into an arranged marriage before. This has never happened.

• 1:18:53Stavros Halkias?

  First of all, pause this. Is this even a culturally like, you don't hear about Cuban arranged marriage, right? Like, I mean, I guess my parents, my grandparents literally were in arranged marriage. So I'm sure it's like. You know, it's not like we think of it for like. Europe and India and like that. And like you think of it in like Muslim countries and shit like that, but like. You know. I'm so I guess maybe it's, but I've never thought of it as like a Latin American.

• 1:19:16Speaker 03

  No, and it's usually even like, yeah, it's. It's usually like a softer range. It's like, set them up on a date.

• 1:19:22Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right. You go, you go on a date with a chaperone, see if you like, there's a courting process. But it's not like this seems just like. They vibe so well, like this doesn't really feel cultural, but maybe I'm wrong.

• 1:19:35Speaker 03

  The dad wants a friend. I mean, the dad just.

• 1:19:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're gonna be family. It's gonna cost my son his romantic choices, but I don't care.

• 1:19:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:19:44Stavros Halkias?

  I wanna play dominoes with you.

• 1:19:45Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 1:19:46Stavros Halkias?

  Alright, keep going, Eld. Get me into an arranged marriage before this has never happened. And it kinda, you know. I just wanna know, like, this is, this is normal. No, what do you mean, normal? I'm doing pretty well right now and I'm gonna start like. My life. Yeah. And, um, you know, I'm not not into it.

• 1:20:07Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 1:20:08Stavros Halkias?

  But what are your thoughts about me, about me and this girl both being auctioned off like cattle? I don't. She seems interested. She's twenty two. These are these are humongous red flags. I mean, yeah, I'm not not into it. You just look, you wanna fuck a hot twenty two year old in theory. That's what you mean by you're not not into it. You just mean like, well, I'll get my dad off my back. She'll suck my dick a couple of times. Well, I'll get fucking divorced in a couple of years. Who cares? That's not how to go about this, man. This is insanity. The fact that her whole first of all, this smacks to me of old world con artistry.

• 1:20:50Stavros Halkias?

  Do you know what I mean? Where it's like, this feels like some shit from the eighteen hundreds where it's like, oh, I just came in. Where you're from Cuba? I'm from the village right under. We're probably, we're probably cousins.

• 1:21:00Speaker 04

  The guy who pretended to be Daniel Plainview's brother in There Will Be Blood.

• 1:21:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, this feels like the kind of thing, this feels like they're negotiating like, well, oh, your family has this real estate. We have real like, this feels like this couldn't feel more like some kind of eighteen hundreds con.

• 1:21:15Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:21:15Stavros Halkias?

  Like foreigner con where it's like, oh, my, you know, you, you know, we're, you, you, you give us money, we'll give you this, you know, this many donkeys, this many, like that, that. And the fact that they hit it off so quickly to me feels like, now, look, maybe it's just that they are friends for real, but it's like, it feels like, who the fuck moves into a place? And hits it off with their landlord so well that in a matter of weeks, they're talking about marrying their children.

• 1:21:46Speaker 04

  It's gonna be late, but what I do have.

• 1:21:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, my sis, yeah.

• 1:21:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, this is an old school scam. This is the current, like, you know, an AI voice being like, hi, honey, it's me. Like, I need all your money. I'm in a bad accident. They muffled, yeah.

• 1:22:00Stavros Halkias?

  No, this, this, that's my immediate knee jerk reaction, right? And listen, even if that's not the case, this is insane. This is fucking crazy. Your parents, eh, your parents do not, first of all, you don't have to do this, right?

• 1:22:16Speaker 03

  That's right.

• 1:22:17Stavros Halkias?

  You don't have to do it. You're twenty seven.

• 1:22:19Speaker 04

  You should, because it's not like there are any beautiful women in Miami. Probably just go along with this.

• 1:22:24Stavros Halkias?

  I just, I just think, A, the fact that this has never come up before. It's not like your parents are people who are like, we're, one day we're gonna find you the perfect woman.

• 1:22:34Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:22:35Stavros Halkias?

  They've never talked about arranged marriages before?

• 1:22:37Speaker 03

  He was in another relationship, so it's not like he's never been in one. He just got out of a two-year relationship. He's capable of doing it on his own?

• 1:22:42Stavros Halkias?

  The fact that this family has said, this family that it runs generationally.

• 1:22:47Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:22:47Stavros Halkias?

  That it's like the son, the dad, they met the daughter without you? What the fuck is this?

• 1:22:53Speaker 03

  Right, right.

• 1:22:53Stavros Halkias?

  There are, this, we keep talking about Parasite, this feels like Parasite again. Where it's like, this feels like a whole family is conning a different family. So, I, I, I mean, you are insane if you're like, let me just test, they're, they're counting on your family to be stupid enough? And you to be horny enough to let this slide?

• 1:23:14Speaker 03

  And that's what's coming through.

• 1:23:15Stavros Halkias?

  Until, until they sign papers, fully coming through. Until there's some kind of paperwork signed where now like, you know, they own half of whatever, I don't know what the fuck they got it. And look, maybe I'm being a cynic and maybe there's no, let's say for, for arguments purposes, that's not what's going on.

• 1:23:31Speaker 03

  Then you just set them up on a date though.

• 1:23:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you go on, yeah.

• 1:23:33Speaker 03

  If nothing weird was going on, they'd go, why don't you two go on a date? I think you'd hit it off.

• 1:23:36Stavros Halkias?

  And that's not weird, right?

• 1:23:37Speaker 03

  That's not weird.

• 1:23:38Stavros Halkias?

  Family, friends being like, you guys should just go, go to the movies.

• 1:23:41Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:23:41Stavros Halkias?

  Go have the, you know what I mean? Like, that's not weird, right? Or like, you know, yeah, go, go get a fucking ice cream cone, talk, see if you guys get along and like, and they'd be pestering you to like, you should see that girl, did you call her back? That's normal immigrants set you up stuff.

• 1:23:58Speaker 03

  My grandpa had this girl across the river that he was always trying to get either of my, my brother or my cousin

• 1:24:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:04Speaker 03

  to, to, to date. And every summary that you, she is doing so well and cheering me on. Yeah, I know so much about this woman, don't know her name, but yeah.

• 1:24:13Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right, right.

• 1:24:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, but selling off and, and, no.

• 1:24:16Stavros Halkias?

  The fact that paperwork, just my fucking spidey senses are tingling. And it looks like, by the way, I tip my hat to this family, they found a good family of Marx.

• 1:24:24Speaker 03

  Totally.

• 1:24:25Stavros Halkias?

  Between your dumbass parents and your fucking dumb self. Like, you're-

• 1:24:29Speaker 03

  He always turns on them.

• 1:24:30Stavros Halkias?

  Do you want, well, they have to hear it, cause this is like crazy.

• 1:24:34Speaker 04

  A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, right?

• 1:24:36Stavros Halkias?

  So-

• 1:24:36Speaker 04

  For a second.

• 1:24:37Stavros Halkias?

  So dude, you, now, look, if you wanna go on a date or whatever with this woman, that's fine. But I just feel like- You don't sound strong enough

• 1:24:48Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:24:49Stavros Halkias?

  To withstand the combined forces of your parents stupidity and your and this family's con artistry.

• 1:24:58Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:24:58Stavros Halkias?

  Right? Now, maybe you're not, uh, you're maybe, you know, this would, if she, if she's like a ten, this is a scam. If this woman is a fucking ten, they're not related.

• 1:25:10Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 1:25:11Stavros Halkias?

  They found her on Craigslist. She signed up for a modeling gig. She responded to an ad for a modeling gig. And they're like, look, here's the deal. This is a six month job, but at the end of this, you're gonna own half a condo in Fort Lauderdale. That, so, so, just, I would say-

• 1:25:26Speaker 03

  Which is some shit any of us would have done at twenty-two. Yeah, totally. Alright, I was gonna give my eggs. I was like, whatever, yeah.

• 1:25:32Stavros Halkias?

  Totally, totally.

• 1:25:33Speaker 03

  Ten thousand dollars felt, it was like-

• 1:25:34Stavros Halkias?

  Or if they're like, or if they're like, yeah, or if they're like, we're gonna pay you this amount of money, money a week to just, think of it as an acting gig. Pretend to love this man.

• 1:25:45Speaker 03

  That's what I'm doing anyway, I mean. Fine, I'll get paid for it.

• 1:25:48Stavros Halkias?

  So, um, anyway. Something's lighting up here. If you feel, if you wanna go on a no, you know, if you wanna go to something like get coffee or just meet this woman or whatever, but otherwise, I would say, you can't do this. You also have to be prepared, cause you sound very immigrant-ish. It sounds like maybe your parents have been even supporting you. You feel, I hear the guilt.

• 1:26:09Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:26:09Stavros Halkias?

  I hear the guilt coming off you. You have to be ready to deny this and get your own shitty apartment with roommates, live like everybody else, like while you're figuring out your career. But you say you're doing pretty well for yourself, so. At the end of the day, this is your decision. This is your life. Don't let parental pressure. Worst case scenario, it's a weird scam. Second worst case scenario, it's weird parental guilt forcing you to just say you're marrying a woman that you haven't even met yet.

• 1:26:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:26:38Stavros Halkias?

  Either way, this is unacceptable. You're dumb for even thinking about it. Don't, just cause you're like, you literally in theory, you're like, be cool to fuck this girl, like, okay, but. And that's the other thing. Here's the other thing. Yeah, go on hinge, whatever. Here's the other thing. Let's say this isn't the setup at all, but these are clearly some weird old world people. They're trying to sell off their hot twenty-two year old daughter. What if you, what if you're like, fuck it, I'll just fuck her for three months. They're like, they will literally be like, you just spo- her, her dowry is worthless now. Her pussy is ruined.

• 1:27:08Speaker 04

  We did a hymen inspection.

• 1:27:11Speaker 04

  The seal's broken.

• 1:27:13Stavros Halkias?

  I just don't see a positive.

• 1:27:16Speaker 04

  The other thing you flip that is like the cultural aspect like, don't you want to be Americans? Like they're like the Cuban conservative parents typically want to be like in, you know, they want to assimilate to American culture. Americans don't do this shit.

• 1:27:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:27Speaker 04

  You know, don't.

• 1:27:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, sorry that, yeah, sorry that Castro killed your grandparents for having slaves or whatever the fuck horrible shit. He's Miami Cubans fucking all did, but uh huh, you know, he's like, oh, we were simple sugar farmers.

• 1:27:41Speaker 04

  They fled Castro just because.

• 1:27:44Stavros Halkias?

  Anyway, whatever. The point is there's like 90 bad outcomes and one good one. Now they're, they're the, the only good is this is tr- truly and legitimately the love of your life. What are the odds that that's the case? Everything else, something bad is happening. So.

• 1:28:01Speaker 03

  I'm also looking at this again. They have seen her and they fell in love instantly. They're peering through a window. They didn't even meet this woman. They're just looking at her.

• 1:28:09Speaker 04

  Are they falling for an AI generated image on Instagram?

• 1:28:12Speaker 03

  It could be. It could be.

• 1:28:14Stavros Halkias?

  I just, get out. I need to talk to this guy too.

• 1:28:17Speaker 05

  I'm setting myself as a target for Albanian joke saying this.

• 1:28:20Stavros Halkias?

  Oh my god.

• 1:28:22Speaker 05

  Multiple times over the years, my mom floated like this family in Albania. They have a daughter. She just went to college. She just went, she just finished college. She's living at home. She's, she's a pretty cute girl. Do you, you know, she was like floating this shit. And yeah, she would like talk about marriage and shit, not even.

• 1:28:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, dude, because your mom's like, look, I know what my son looks like. We can get her a green card though. So stop low balling me. This is a ticket to America. Uh, you're putting in all four donkeys and I'm not hearing another fucking word.

• 1:29:00Speaker 04

  Her family could come up on a lot of potatoes if this deal goes down. This could be very lucrative for all parties involved.

• 1:29:07Speaker 05

  So I do understand. I don't think, I don't think this is, I don't think this is as insidious as you guys are reading it. It's not like they're literally claiming some, you know.

• 1:29:18Stavros Halkias?

  Elders with the, elders with the arranged marriage apologia.

• 1:29:23Stavros Halkias?

  You fucking, you really are opening yourself up to old world fucking dumbass jokes.

• 1:29:29Speaker 05

  It always made, it always made me uncomfortable when my mom like suggested it, but I, I do think it's not insidious.

• 1:29:36Speaker 04

  I fucking love your mom dude.

• 1:29:38Speaker 05

  What I hear in this call is just like, this family's like, let's get our son married with another Cuban girl who's young.

• 1:29:45Stavros Halkias?

  We don't even know if they're Cuban though dude.

• 1:29:46Speaker 05

  I think, I think the subtext is there that we can assume.

• 1:29:49Stavros Halkias?

  Alright, whatever. Look, you've got, you've got four different perspectives. You can choose, you can choose. And by the way, I would actually love to, you know, I would love more con- if, buddy, if you're hearing this, maybe consider calling into a live show because we need some more, we need to know what happened and also I just need to know what's going on here.

• 1:30:11Speaker 03

  Cause again, the not, not into it twice is also, it's int- he's, and, and once your parents.

• 1:30:17Stavros Halkias?

  He's a little like, like if Eldis got the right, if you saw the right picture, if this bitch is looking like Elijah Dushku when you're looking, if that's the kind of Albanian we're talking about.

• 1:30:26Speaker 05

  My mom floated this shit, you know, in like early, mid twenties. Let's say if it got starker and starker in the late twenties, early thirties.

• 1:30:34Stavros Halkias?

  We were getting real close. I was like, listen, I was right, by the way, I was there. It's a lot closer then than you're talking about. I remember that there was one, you were saved by one weird relationship, but if that girl hadn't fucked you, you're fucking applying for a V, a fucking visa for sure. You're looking into how, how much you would have had to, how, how long a time served in the Albanian military is for sure.

• 1:31:00Speaker 05

  Pretty good over there, huh? Interesting.

• 1:31:05Stavros Halkias?

  God damn, that's so awesome.

• 1:31:07Speaker 04

  I, I might need your instinct is to make fun of arranged marriages because it's so culturally different from anything, but like, we, we meet our future spouses in America in dumber ways.

• 1:31:17Speaker 03

  True.

• 1:31:17Speaker 04

  Like, oh, you're not supposed to meet through your family. You're supposed to meet your spouse with like your fucking drinking buddies in your early twenties.

• 1:31:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. You're supposed to see a picture she posts where you can kind of see her nipple and then DM her as a result and be like, what's up girl? Blacked out.

• 1:31:32Speaker 04

  The orange face sweating emoji.

• 1:31:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. And yeah, absolutely. I mean, that is true. I'm trying to think about the hilarious ways that I've started dating people. Um, but anyway, whatever. You are.

• 1:31:44Speaker 04

  I just remember starting a conversation with a girl at a bar being like, you kind of look like that girl, the blonde girl from 30 Rock. That could have been a whole life.

• 1:31:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:53Speaker 04

  Instead of like arranged marriage.

• 1:31:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. No, you're right, but I just, something about this does.

• 1:31:58Speaker 03

  Also, you have time. You're 22 and 27, like, slow it down.

• 1:32:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:32:02Speaker 03

  Maybe that's each day. Maybe you'll, maybe if she's the one, she'll find her.

• 1:32:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I guess, I guess if she's all about, the biggest red flag to me would be if you met with her and she wasn't like, this is pretty fucking weird.

• 1:32:14Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:32:14Stavros Halkias?

  But let's just, let's, let's, let's go out and get drinks. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 100%.

• 1:32:19Speaker 04

  That would be an excellent wife.

• 1:32:21Stavros Halkias?

  I cannot wait, I cannot wait to be subservient to my master. Then that's a big fucking problem, but, um, anyway, we've talked about this enough. Yeah, that's true. Move to Dubai. Hold on a second.

• 1:32:33Speaker 03

  Give me her number.

• 1:32:34Stavros Halkias?

  A hot Latina that will do whatever you want and doesn't really consider herself a whole person without you.

• 1:32:40Speaker 03

  Interesting. 22 is so young too, you're so right.

• 1:32:42Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, 22 is insane.

• 1:32:45Speaker 04

  She doesn't know who she is, yeah.

• 1:32:47Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, look, or the other thing is, get married and then do the arranged marriage, you know, you both cheat on each other, you know, all that kind of, the classic.

• 1:32:55Speaker 04

  Then you have to be buried in the same grave. You have to like jump on a funeral pyre or something, there's a tradition involved.

• 1:33:01Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know. All right. Next question. I'm done talking about this guy's fucking bullshit. What else you got, little fucker?

• 1:33:08Speaker 06

  Ever notice how every new AI tool asks you to explain your business to it all over again? Google Workspace with Gemini skips that. You get Google's AI built right into the premium versions of Gmail, Docs, Sheets and more. No new tools, no extra logins, just one subscription that gives you personalized AI right inside your actual workflow. Make work less work. Try Google Workspace with Gemini at G O O dot G L E slash Workspace with Gemini. Time for a quick break to talk about McDonald's. It's the Tangiest time of the year. For a limited time, head to McDonald's and get a McRib sandwich. Make it a meal by adding a medium fries and a soft drink like an ice cold Diet Dr. Pepper.

• 1:33:51Speaker 06

  So grab a McRib sandwich and embrace the tang. Save time by ordering ahead on the app. At participating McDonald's for a limited time. Dr. Pepper is a registered trademark of Dr. Pepper, 7-Up Inc. Hi, it's Alvin and a theme guest. My boyfriend and I are twenty-two and twenty-three. We've been seeing each other for three months. And he does not eat pussy.

• 1:34:16Stavros Halkias?

  Oh.

• 1:34:17Speaker 06

  I've run into him before and he said he had a bad experience with his previous girlfriend regarding the smell and the taste.

• 1:34:24Stavros Halkias?

  Grow up.

• 1:34:25Speaker 06

  She's the only other person he's been with. I'm trying to empathize with him because I'm sure the gins don't taste like cupcakes. But I know that I keep everything extremely hygienic and healthy and balanced down there.

• 1:34:41Stavros Halkias?

  Balance, you're doing pH tests?

• 1:34:45Speaker 03

  Like a pool?

• 1:34:49Stavros Halkias?

  Keep going.

• 1:34:50Speaker 06

  Down there. And I also just think he needs to just suck it up and fucking deal with it.

• 1:34:54Stavros Halkias?

  I agree with that.

• 1:34:56Speaker 06

  Like, sweet balls don't taste particularly delightful, but I still give him head at least like two to three times per week.

• 1:35:03Stavros Halkias?

  No. Great.

• 1:35:04Speaker 06

  And we have

• 1:35:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you can't reciprocate, he doesn't reciprocate, yeah, yeah.

• 1:35:09Speaker 06

  Multiple times per week on top of that. And when we have sex, he finishes in like twenty seconds.

• 1:35:14Stavros Halkias?

  Not leading into sex? You'll just blow this guy.

• 1:35:17Speaker 03

  That's what I'm saying.

• 1:35:18Stavros Halkias?

  By itself and he's not eating pussy?

• 1:35:22Stavros Halkias?

  Cause I'm on record as saying like, you gotta, you gotta like, you have to have like, you can't phase out oral sex in a relationship, that's nuts. Like, people have been like, like when it's like, oh, we just, when it's sort of like you're, um, when you're dating and you're like pretending you're a freak more than you are. And then you get into a long-term relationship and it's like, like people have called in.

• 1:35:44Speaker 04

  Yeah, mostly like lying down.

• 1:35:46Stavros Halkias?

  It's been the opposite where they're like, yeah, we don't, there's no one give, you know, I don't get sucked off at all. And it's like, look, you gotta suck a little dick, you gotta eat a little pussy before, but. A on its own blowjob, two times a week?

• 1:36:00Speaker 03

  To three.

• 1:36:01Stavros Halkias?

  To three?

• 1:36:01Speaker 04

  That's a chronic debt that must be repaid.

• 1:36:04Stavros Halkias?

  That, I salute you, you're a goal, I mean, that, we need some kind of like medallion to send this woman.

• 1:36:09Speaker 04

  He better be the greatest gift giver of all time if he's.

• 1:36:12Stavros Halkias?

  Like, and I, and listen, I like eating pussy, but I'm, and like, to just eat pussy with nothing else? Pretty rare. It's usually leading up to.

• 1:36:20Speaker 04

  Couple times a year.

• 1:36:21Stavros Halkias?

  Sex, you know what I mean? Like, you know, you know, who knows? Maybe the.

• 1:36:24Speaker 04

  On the equinoxes.

• 1:36:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:36:26Speaker 04

  It's part of a Wicca ceremony.

• 1:36:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. But in the same way, like, a fully, a fully to completion blowjob with no other sex is like, that's a top level, and like, we, we tip our caps. So anyway, this is crazy. Let's keep going though, Eldis. A week on top of that. And when we have sex, he finishes in like 20 seconds. Ooh. The last time I brought up eating pussy, he said he's working on it, or working up to it. But I also. It's not diving off a high cliff.

• 1:36:55Speaker 04

  A building up, learning how to drop in at Woodward.

• 1:37:00Speaker 03

  Working up to it. Walking by fish markets, going, I'm not gonna hold my breath, I'm not gonna hold my breath.

• 1:37:05Speaker 04

  15, 16, 17.

• 1:37:09Stavros Halkias?

  Oh my god.

• 1:37:11Speaker 04

  You, uh, garbage truck driver, just for, just for a afternoon, just for a block or two.

• 1:37:17Stavros Halkias?

  This is crazy.

• 1:37:18Speaker 04

  It ain't that bad.

• 1:37:20Stavros Halkias?

  Just because he feels pressured to do it. Uh, I told him it's okay a few days, but he's maintaining that he isn't. Going right at that. So at this point, I feel like it's not even that I need head from him. Pussy? I love how you found the one thing that's like ignorant about this, like, what are you, a fucking homo? Eat this box!

• 1:37:41Speaker 04

  He counters with like, actually in Jamaican culture, it's gay to eat pussy, so it depends on who you ask.

• 1:37:46Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, alright. This is awesome. So at this point, I feel like it's not even that I need head from him, but it's like the principle of the situation. Uh, so I'm hoping you could offer male perspective on this. And also let me know if breaking up with him would be an overreaction. Love your show. As a fellow Greek, I hold your opinion in very high regard.

• 1:38:13Speaker 04

  Too many Greeks for this.

• 1:38:14Stavros Halkias?

  This is awesome. I like, I really like this girl because she called in. This is like when a lawyer knows the answer. And it's gonna prove her case. Like, what do you think about this? As if I haven't been the most on the record about these issues. Now, I will say, we do usually get it from the opposite perspective. It's usually guys be like, my girlfriend won't suck dick, whatever. So we're gonna be, this, this is, we're completely, we give the same advice here. It's unacceptable.

• 1:38:43Speaker 04

  Completely.

• 1:38:43Stavros Halkias?

  Stop, not giving head is unacceptable, particularly if, now look, if it's two people who don't like giving head, they found each other. Sure. I don't respect you. I want nothing to do with you. Let me know so I don't invite you to my dinner parties and, you know, family functions.

• 1:39:01Speaker 04

  Since you don't like eating, you're not invited.

• 1:39:03Stavros Halkias?

  You're not invited, right? I want nothing to do with you socially, right? If you're that, but it's like, whatever. Two people that don't like fucking giving head, they find each other, they're fine having pen, only penetrative intercourse.

• 1:39:15Speaker 04

  Republican National Convention.

• 1:39:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When they're not getting blown by, uh, when, when, yeah, the guy, the guy only likes giving head to other guys secretly. When he's in, uh, but, um, so this is a very cut and dry situation. There's no, the first thing you could do is be like, okay, well, while you're working up to it, I'm not sucking dick, right? That's step one. You do that yesterday, right?

• 1:39:38Speaker 04

  Head strike immediately.

• 1:39:39Stavros Halkias?

  And I would do the same, again, same thing if it was, if it was flipped. If you're eating pussy and you're not, you're getting your dick sucked, you stop eating pussy. And then if it's, if it gets to the point where you're like, hey, you know what? I would like some head. And by the way, I like giving head. This is the type of person I am, right?

• 1:39:55Speaker 04

  Be the change.

• 1:39:56Stavros Halkias?

  This is part of what I like in my, in my sex life with my partner. Yeah, and if he doesn't work up to it long enough, and by the way, he's busting fast.

• 1:40:06Speaker 04

  Dude, if you're a fast buster and you're not using that golden arrow in the quiver.

• 1:40:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:40:11Speaker 04

  I don't know what you're doing.

• 1:40:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had to eat pussy like Daredevil had to get all his other senses. I've said this many times.

• 1:40:19Speaker 04

  I'm Ray Charles playing the piano.

• 1:40:20Stavros Halkias?

  I became good at eating pussy because my dick was so atrocious when I was like, like in your early twenties, when you're just, every time you have sex, you're drunk and I'm unhealthy. My dick is not getting hard after eight Jack and Cokes and two fucking burgers. So I learned how to eat pussy, right? This guy, if he's busting fat, like.

• 1:40:38Speaker 04

  You're just lying down after that? You're rolling over?

• 1:40:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, exactly. You get nutted in in 20 seconds and then you're like.

• 1:40:44Speaker 04

  Ah.

• 1:40:45Stavros Halkias?

  Ah, okay. And then he just fucking, he just puts on Rick and Morty and he's like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, that's good. And you're just laying there pissed off. This is unacceptable.

• 1:40:56Speaker 04

  You better have fingers like David Blaine if you're not.

• 1:40:59Stavros Halkias?

  Right. You have to be the most top level, and even that, that's a high level fingerer.

• 1:41:03Speaker 04

  And that's, yeah, that's.

• 1:41:04Stavros Halkias?

  That's a guy that's like, that's LeBron. That's LeBron of fingering, you know what I mean? Either way, the bust, the bust ratio has to be equal.

• 1:41:12Speaker 03

  Okay, can I just offer a little?

• 1:41:14Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely.

• 1:41:15Speaker 03

  My, my only technical suggestion as someone who sometimes is a little bit of a germ freak.

• 1:41:21Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, sure.

• 1:41:23Speaker 03

  Go, literally someone tried to shake my hand last night. I went, I thank you.

• 1:41:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um. Give him a Clorox, swipe his dick.

• 1:41:31Speaker 03

  Um, try it in the shower. Be like, come meet me out in the shower. It's not.

• 1:41:35Stavros Halkias?

  He's making excuses, but I respect that.

• 1:41:37Speaker 03

  But it's like, be like, hey, cause he, he has this experience. Say this other girl he was with was whatever. Come in the shower and like, and then you could, cause like, what do you mean you're working up to it? I don't believe that you're working.

• 1:41:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's insane.

• 1:41:48Speaker 03

  I don't believe that, cause like, what's gonna change about tomorrow versus today?

• 1:41:51Speaker 04

  What is this training montage?

• 1:41:52Speaker 03

  What is this training montage? It's not.

• 1:41:54Stavros Halkias?

  You're the best.

• 1:41:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:41:55Stavros Halkias?

  Hurrah!

• 1:41:56Speaker 04

  He's like eating his flesh like?

• 1:42:01Speaker 05

  I don't think this is helping.

• 1:42:03Stavros Halkias?

  He's just throwing up.

• 1:42:04Speaker 03

  So I think you gotta go, yeah, you're not giving him head and you're like, hey babe, we're gonna come in the shower, like come to the shower and let's like give it a try. Let's see, cause, cause, cause if he immediately is like, then you're like, okay.

• 1:42:14Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, this is over. You're right. Freshly showered head.

• 1:42:17Speaker 03

  Freshly showered head.

• 1:42:19Stavros Halkias?

  It's like, you can't, there's no, absolutely. There's no arguing against that. You can make no argument. You have, if you don't, if you're not eating pussy or sucking dick right after a shower.

• 1:42:30Speaker 03

  You're never gonna do it. Then you're not, yeah.

• 1:42:33Stavros Halkias?

  You're deported. This is when I, this is when I say, this is the only time I support deporting people without their day in court. This is the only time I align with ICE. If they put that on the thing, everybody else is allowed in, by the way. I'm very anti ICE. But if they were like, whoever's not sucking dick or eating pussy out the shower, back to fucking Belize with you. Then I would tip my cap, but that's the only circumstance. I want to be very clear. I am generally against ICE. And they have not, they have not put together that, as far as I know elders, that's not how they're conducting business.

• 1:43:04Speaker 05

  I don't think that's been put out as a proposal or anything.

• 1:43:07Stavros Halkias?

  To just put a button on this, I am at defund ICE, in fact, put many of them in jail, but whoever doesn't suck dick or eat pussy out the shower, I don't want you in my country. Okay, so yeah, all right. Thank you. You know what, you know what, I take it back. They still get a trial. Cause ultimately this is America. They get their day in court, but it should be a.

• 1:43:26Speaker 05

  That's big of you, man.

• 1:43:31Speaker 05

  That's big of you on the initial, you feel so strong about it.

• 1:43:34Stavros Halkias?

  But you know what, even though it is, even though I think what they are doing is disgracing our country. There are fundamental elements, right. Even the KKK gets freedom of speech, even people who don't, who don't eat pussy after, eat suck dick after the shower, they even get their day in court. But they must be gone when they're found guilty.

• 1:43:53Speaker 04

  They're sending the head avoiders.

• 1:43:54Stavros Halkias?

  So anyway, yeah.

• 1:43:55Speaker 04

  They're not giving head.

• 1:43:56Stavros Halkias?

  I think you're, I think, I think we, I think you see our perspective very clearly. The shower is a good move. It's even, you're even really going out of your way to accommodate him.

• 1:44:05Speaker 03

  But, but that's.

• 1:44:06Stavros Halkias?

  If you really like this person and you think he might just be a little immature and be like, all right, here's how we start. Now, if even after that, like you're saying, he's not doing it. He's gotta go.

• 1:44:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:44:15Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, but yes, you're not, you are not, um, and in general, in any relationship, if the bust ratio is too far off. That's grounds, that's grounds for breaking up. It's fine. All right. What else we got, Big LD?

• 1:44:37Stavros Halkias?

  What's up, Stav? Longtime listener, first time caller. What's up, Eldis? What's up, Gis? Hey, I got a question about my girl. Now, I encourage her to do some self-care because she has a a pretty overwhelming stressful life at the moment. So I encourage her to do some kind of self-care, like

• 1:45:01Stavros Halkias?

  monthly, take care of nails, go to the massage, do something that would pamper herself. Now, she started getting these massages every month and the first time she got a massage, it was by a dude. So, you know, I didn't, you know, trip and nothing like that. But now that she's getting these massages on a regular, she's getting massage by the same person. Now, it's making me a little uncomfortable.

• 1:45:32Stavros Halkias?

  Um, that she's getting massage by a dude. Sure. But, uh, I don't know how to bring up Yeah. the subject of like, I want her to change massages or am I just being insecure? All right, now let me know. Appreciate it. This is tough because

• 1:45:54Stavros Halkias?

  there's no way to bring this up and not sound insane.

• 1:45:56Speaker 03

  That's right. That's right.

• 1:45:58Stavros Halkias?

  Even though I know what you mean. You know what I mean? Like, like, this is tough because like, I'm sure this is a legitimate, this is not oh, you know, oh, like, what kind of place is this?

• 1:46:11Speaker 04

  This is a person who got certified and like, has a career doing this. Wants to keep their clients.

• 1:46:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. And as someone who's seen it, who's uh, gone to a, let's say, range of different massage places. I would say the high end ones, even if it's a guy like if these are like you said licensed masseuses. They got a fucking little uniform.

• 1:46:34Speaker 03

  They got that water when you walk in that has lemon slices injected in it.

• 1:46:38Stavros Halkias?

  If the curtains, if the windows are not blacked out completely.

• 1:46:42Speaker 03

  If they close at 7pm.

• 1:46:44Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right. If they're not open till 11:30.

• 1:46:48Speaker 04

  It's called totally legitimate massage parlor.

• 1:46:52Stavros Halkias?

  Right, like if this is a su- if this is a super legit place, right? And you have no, no question about that, then I don't really like, I think you gotta just fucking eat this one. Because, yeah, these are pros now. Do you know what this guy looks like? You know what I mean? Like if he like, if this is, cause I've like, thinking about the, I've, I, I did get, I had a really fucked up back for, and so I was getting a ton of massages.

• 1:47:20Speaker 03

  But because your glory days on the football.

• 1:47:23Stavros Halkias?

  Because, yeah, because my days on the field, absolutely. So I was getting, I was getting, and then at the end of the day, and I was getting massages at a couple of different places. And I found one place I really liked, I found one guy that I really liked, right? I was getting seen by a bunch, a, a range of people, whatever. I was just trying to find somebody I liked. Found a guy, and once you find someone that figures out how to work out your specific, I, I always go to that guy when I have back problems now, right? Um, to the point where it's like, I was like, planning shit around like, cause he's in Queens and it's like, even when I was traveling, I was like, oh, fuck. My week off when I'm in Queens, like I gotta see this guy. I don't want to get a massage with somebody else. So it's like, it's very possible that she just clicked with this guy.

• 1:48:03Stavros Halkias?

  And I would say if it's really making you uncomfortable, why don't you, why, you should be like, wow, that's awesome. I want to go. And by the way.

• 1:48:10Speaker 03

  I was gonna suggest a couples massage.

• 1:48:12Stavros Halkias?

  Couples massage.

• 1:48:12Speaker 03

  Why don't you go, hey, I love it. I'd love to come. Can we do a couples massage? Just integrate, yeah.

• 1:48:16Stavros Halkias?

  Or even go by, by the way, go by yourself. If this is just, if this is a fully professional guy, who, that we're pretty sure it is, right? Like, I think it would probably really, I think a lot of your worries would be taken away if you just went and saw this place, right? And experienced it, because right now it's just, all you're thinking about is like, the hottest guy you can imagine. In the most erotic circumstances with candles.

• 1:48:47Stavros Halkias?

  You like, the, the place that I go, is like, it's like a sports massage place where it's like, there's fucking. Overhead lighting.

• 1:48:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, no, there's a guy next to me being like, ah, because the fucking lady's elbowing him in his sciatica, like. I think it would really, right now, to you, it's ju- you're, you're thinking the worst. You know, is, you don't even know, this, this guy could be gay.

• 1:49:13Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:49:13Stavros Halkias?

  There was, you know what I mean, like, this could, like, this could, there could be no problem whatsoever, there probably is no problem whatsoever. Now, you could go there, and the guy's like, oh, and he's hot as shit.

• 1:49:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:49:26Stavros Halkias?

  And he's like, he's massaging, he's like, you got a really great girl, man. You got, he should be.

• 1:49:32Speaker 04

  I love to listen to.

• 1:49:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, it'd be awesome if this guy goes here, he starts dating this guy.

• 1:49:40Stavros Halkias?

  He's like, getting harder than he's ever gotten in his life, he's like, what's going on here, but, I think that would be sort of, I think you are ultimately. Overthinking this. I would say, and I, I would, I think, if you're having these thoughts, I think a good step is, go in there. Even request the same guy, because say, if this guy's so good, probably be, you know, he might be, he's probably a really good masseuse.

• 1:50:00Speaker 04

  Get in there, get naked.

• 1:50:01Stavros Halkias?

  Just go, check it out. I think that's not actually, that's probably, that is how I would, I will put it that way.

• 1:50:06Speaker 03

  Bring it back down to earth, versus like you said, right now, you're in worst case scenario.

• 1:50:09Stavros Halkias?

  You're just thinking of the fucking.

• 1:50:12Speaker 03

  Of course, what else is this about? You gotta always go to, what else? Are there other things in the relationship that are making you insecure or feel scared or something? And it might be looking at those things instead, and maybe this is an easier place to go, but maybe it's like, oh, is there something else that's making you feel insecure? In this relationship or in a past relationship?

• 1:50:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, I think that's a great, I think that's a great, uh, you know.

• 1:50:32Speaker 04

  Crazy ass, extra credit suggestion.

• 1:50:35Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:50:35Speaker 04

  You say, honey, I, I actually booked you a massage therapist to come here to the house and work on you at home. And I'll, I'll be gone while it happens, and then you go away, you pull up in the driveway, it's you with a table and scrubs and oils. And you give her the massage.

• 1:50:57Stavros Halkias?

  I think that's actually a horrible idea.

• 1:51:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it's like, she's like, I actually found a great masseuse, like, probably what this is, is she found a great masseuse. It feels good to like, you know, and it's hard, but.

• 1:51:13Speaker 04

  Role play scenarios.

• 1:51:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and now you put it in her head that it's like, she wants to fuck her masseuse. Um, so yeah, anyway, I totally do get where you're, I literally am, I do understand where this guy's coming from, but, you know, you just, that is how I would handle it. And then you go from there. You might get this massage and be like, you might see this place, be like, oh. Fuck it, you know what I mean? It's like, this place is nice, it's relaxing, the guy's gay, you know what I mean? Like, I don't care. Or you could just be like, you know what? Even if he's not, the vibes are right, he's very professional, whatever. Um, and it might completely, now, in the off chance.

• 1:51:54Speaker 04

  Chiropractor content out of it.

• 1:52:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, if he doesn't have your girlfriend moaning on his IG, you're good. Um, so anyway, that's how I would handle it. And then if, you know. Now, on the very off chance that you go there and it's still pissing you off, then you might have to have a conversation, it's like, hey. I don't fucking, this just.

• 1:52:15Speaker 03

  And you're always making about you. I know that this is crazy. I'm feeling a little threatened by this.

• 1:52:20Stavros Halkias?

  But is this girl bi? Could he be sending her right into the mouth of the, right into the mouth of the serpent, like a sexy bi masseuse? Sexy lesbian masseuse?

• 1:52:31Speaker 04

  He gets massaged by like a dangle earring individual and then who knows what happens from there.

• 1:52:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:52:37Speaker 05

  I wonder if she's like talking about him or something like.

• 1:52:40Stavros Halkias?

  True.

• 1:52:40Speaker 05

  Sometimes there's that, you know.

• 1:52:42Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, I can't wait to see Jonathan this morning. That would drive me fucking crazy.

• 1:52:48Speaker 05

  You bring him up like out of turn for no context or reason in particular.

• 1:52:52Stavros Halkias?

  Or god forbid, she's like, you know, even if he has a girlfriend, you know, John and his girl invited us out to drink, like, they could be swingers for all you know, but yeah. If it comes up at all, because that's like me bringing up my dentist in conversation, you know what I mean?

• 1:53:06Speaker 03

  Oh, Dr. Miles.

• 1:53:07Stavros Halkias?

  If I'm talking about my dentist. Who actually is a cool guy, actually. I actually would. If something, but he's a cool. Suck him off. Yeah, yeah. I wouldn't suck his dick, but he's a cool guy. He sees this, he's like, hey, man. You and Eiffel Tower are going together. On the podcast. Anyway, hope he's, he says he's watched tires. I hope he's not a podcast listener. Great guy, though. I have to go in for some work soon. Hopefully, I'm, you know, I'm gonna schedule this before this airs, just to be sure.

• 1:53:35Stavros Halkias?

  But anyway, yeah. But I think that's kind of how you handle it. Are you picking up on stuff? And if you're not, then I think Alyssa's right where it's like, is this about you? What is some other shit you could work on? Um, but I definitely see where he's coming from.

• 1:53:49Speaker 03

  Totally, totally.

• 1:53:49Stavros Halkias?

  But, you know, there's ways to just deal with it that don't make you feel, don't make you seem crazy. Are you got something short for us to go out on here, Eldis? Oh, yeah. Play it for us, buddy.

• 1:53:59Speaker 03

  Got some great stuff.

• 1:54:00Stavros Halkias?

  What's up, Stoves? What's up, Elvis? Um, in light of the recent episode with Steph Tola's and the, uh, short conversation about Bubulina. Bubulina, of course. I wanted to help Eldis out a little bit. Um, with a short Wikipedia search, we can see that Bubulina's father, Stavianos Pitocis, No. Was an Arvanite. No, he wasn't. Um, the Arvanites were a group of Albanians. No. Albanian. What was his name? Ethnicity and Albanian speaking. No. People. No, no, no. Living in Greece, doing the Byzantine and Ottoman rule. Um, Bubulina was fucking Albanian. No, she wasn't. No, she wasn't.

• 1:54:46Stavros Halkias?

  No, she wasn't, Eldis, and I will not, this is, this is ugly what you're doing here. On the way out, you know, we have another guest. You know, you're trying to sneak this out. You know, we're on a time crunch here. And you're gonna just fuck, don't search Bubulina Albanian.

• 1:55:03Stavros Halkias?

  No, her father Stavrianos Spinozis, does that sound fucking Albanian to you? You fucking prick!

• 1:55:10Speaker 03

  Stavri- this is what, if you look up Stav- Stavrianos Spinozis, you see this back.

• 1:55:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, absolutely, absolutely. Arvanites, they even have a cool Greek Arvanites, no, Arvanites dude. And by the way, they were fighting in the Greek War of Independence, okay?

• 1:55:27Speaker 04

  Albanian ancestry, man.

• 1:55:29Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, no, no, no.

• 1:55:30Speaker 04

  The internet confirms it.

• 1:55:31Stavros Halkias?

  The internet does not confirm, the AI overview, keep going down.

• 1:55:34Speaker 04

  This is like when people try to say, "Oh, St. Patrick was Scottish" or whatever, like, get the fuck out of here.

• 1:55:39Speaker 03

  I was like, "Fuck you JP, say it out of this!"

• 1:55:46Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, they were Orthodox Christians. Interesting. Lot of Alban- what did the Albanians do? They fucking bowed down and sucked the posh's cock and fucking converted to Islam to avoid paying taxes. So you're telling me a guy named, go up, what was his name? An Orthodox? An Orthodox Christian named Stavrianos Spinozis? Was fucking Albanian? Puh, disgusting, Aldis. You should be ashamed of yourself and the caller, fuck you too. Anyway, that's gonna do it for Stavi's World. Um, thank you to our guests. Um, Alyssa Lim Paris.

• 1:56:25Speaker 03

  Thanks for having me.

• 1:56:26Stavros Halkias?

  Just on JP.

• 1:56:28Speaker 04

  Hey!

• 1:56:28Stavros Halkias?

  Was just kinda here, we just, this was a very loosely planned episode. JP just kinda text, "We found out you were in town."

• 1:56:36Speaker 03

  I ran into this guy on the street.

• 1:56:38Stavros Halkias?

  Ran into him, we were like, "Yeah, let's fucking do it." We were, me and JP were working on a separate project, we said, "Let's bring our old pal Alyssa."

• 1:56:45Speaker 03

  Come on!

• 1:56:45Stavros Halkias?

  Let's have a fucking episode, and I'm sorry, what, we should've done this earlier, anything? Where can people find you, anything you wanna plug?

• 1:56:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, Alyssa Lim on everything, I got a lot of, like, I feel, movies.

• 1:56:55Speaker 04

  Irons in the fire.

• 1:56:57Speaker 03

  Well, yeah, I got some stuff coming out. My special, No Bad Days, is on Peacock, about losing my dad, JP'd love to hear about that.

• 1:57:03Stavros Halkias?

  JP watches, and he's laughing at, not even the punchlines. He's laughing at the setups about your dad's death.

• 1:57:10Speaker 04

  I was gonna bring up your guys' mutual friendship with Lance Bangs, but now I'm not going to.

• 1:57:14Speaker 03

  He directed it. Lance Thanks directed it. Great guy, yeah, the man. Anyway, yeah, thanks for having me.

• 1:57:21Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, thanks for coming, buddy. Mr. McDade, what do you, you know, we very rarely let you breathe fresh air here on the free episodes. You're usually in the Patreon.

• 1:57:30Speaker 04

  Frasier is streaming on Hulu. Check it out.

• 1:57:32Stavros Halkias?

  The reboot or the original?

• 1:57:33Speaker 04

  The original.

• 1:57:34Stavros Halkias?

  The original, you don't like the reboot so much?

• 1:57:36Speaker 04

  No, the reboot, we don't acknowledge.

• 1:57:37Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, okay. I agree, Frasier is a great show. I didn't realize, you know what? What's funny is I am going to literally watch Frasier now because I didn't know it was on Hulu. So, great show, check out, you know, Niles, he seems gay, but he is straight, but that's kind of part of the fun of the whole show is they all kind of seem gay, but they all get pussy.

• 1:57:55Speaker 04

  What are you guys, English and gay?

• 1:57:56Stavros Halkias?

  And actually, and actually, the dad is gay in real life.

• 1:57:59Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:58:00Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, who was, John Mahoney, great actor, was also great in, um, Moonstruck.

• 1:58:05Speaker 04

  This turned into a legitimate plug for Frasier.

• 1:58:08Stavros Halkias?

  Check out Frasier in Moonstruck. I'm not exactly.

• 1:58:11Speaker 03

  One of the most successful shows.

• 1:58:12Stavros Halkias?

  I'm not sure where Moonstruck's streaming, but it's a great movie. Uh, yeah, and anything, you know, and JP McDade, was it McDade Baby?

• 1:58:21Speaker 04

  McDade Baby, JP McDade.

• 1:58:23Speaker 05

  Check out In Brooklyn.

• 1:58:25Stavros Halkias?

  In Brooklyn.

• 1:58:26Speaker 05

  Beautiful special on Style's page.

• 1:58:27Stavros Halkias?

  We produced it. Uh, it's on my page, go check all that out.

• 1:58:30Speaker 04

  Check me out at a golf course near you.

• 1:58:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, he'll be hustling people at a driving range. Uh, yeah, we'll talk to you next time. Bye, bye, guys.

• 1:58:38Speaker 03

  Bye.

• 1:58:56Speaker 00

  This podcast is supported by Nurtac ODT, Remedy Pant. We know you didn't ask for an interruption, but migraine doesn't wait for the right moment to interrupt either. It just barges in, takes your time, and throws everything off. So, when migraine takes your time, take Nurtac. It's for the acute treatment of migraine with or without aura in adults. Nurtac can provide pain relief in two hours, which can last up to two days. Ask your healthcare provider if Nurtac is right for you, because your time is for you, not migraine. Don't take if allergic to Nurtac ODT. Allergic reactions can occur even days after use. Get help right away for trouble breathing, rash, swelling of face, mouth, tongue, or throat. High blood pressure and Raynaud's syndrome can occur.

• 1:59:38Speaker 00

  Get help for high blood pressure, numbness, coolness, pain, or color changes in fingers and toes. Common side effect is nausea. For full prescribing information, call 1-833-4-NURTC or visit Nurtac.com. All right, back to your podcast, playlist, or whatever's keeping you going today.

• 1:59:56Speaker 06

  Time for a quick break to talk about McDonald's. It's the tangiest time of the year. For a limited time, head to McDonald's and get a McRib sandwich. Make it a meal by adding a medium fries and a soft drink like an ice cold Diet Dr. Pepper. So grab a McRib sandwich and embrace the tang. Save time by ordering ahead on the app. At participating McDonald's for a limited time. Dr. Pepper is a registered trademark of Dr. Pepper, 7-Up, Inc.