MBMBaM 813: Somebody Cream Me!

It turns out the McElroy family organization is the exact opposite of the Mafia in that we are known for being real goofs and also owe favors to a lot of people. But we still have lots of advice you can’t refuse about suspicious frozen desserts, responsible accent work, and baby wookies. Suggested talking points: Kit Fisto’s Best Friend, All Roads Lead to Sling Blade, Can’t Be Mad at Me I Said I Was Ignorant, Oops! We Bought a Mafia, They Call Me Creamy Pet First Nations Development Institute: https://www.firstnations.org/

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

• 0:20Speaker 01

  One, two, three, four. It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has blossomed, it's rapid into a precious friendship. I could have never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach. My life, it feels like. My life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. My life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. This is true, ah, it's better, it's better with you.

• 1:03Speaker 01

  My life, ah, it's better with you.

• 1:09Travis McElroy?

  Hello, everybody, and welcome to my brother, my brother, me, and advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. What up, Travis Nation? It's me, your middlest brother, Travis, big dog, wolf, vroom, vroom, the heater, award-winning big dog McElroy.

• 1:22Griffin McElroy?

  Hi, it's Griffin McElroy, your youngest brother.

• 1:25Travis McElroy?

  That award, by the way, supposedly in the mail.

• 1:29Griffin McElroy?

  It's coming, man. Tariffs, dude. The tariffs and the RAM shortage, dude. It's dragging everything down.

• 1:36Travis McElroy?

  It's coming, it's in the mail, it's coming. I just wanted to see, I wanted to check in, right? Mandalorian and Grogu is coming to theaters at a date and we are, it's gotta be close. We're all getting pretty excited about May. Twenty second.

• 1:52Griffin McElroy?

  Fourth.

• 1:52Travis McElroy?

  Oh, this month? Yeah, May twenty second. But they couldn't swing the fourth, huh?

• 1:57Griffin McElroy?

  They couldn't get the fourth. They were off by a few.

• 1:59Travis McElroy?

  They needed a few weeks to polish up Grogu's CGI.

• 2:03Griffin McElroy?

  You know, there was, there was one like exact who was like, oh, but do you think, oh, but.

• 2:07Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 2:09Griffin McElroy?

  Make him creasier, more creases in his beautiful green skin.

• 2:15Travis McElroy?

  This is, and now to celebrate the launch of this movie coming out on May twenty second and the fact that it was just May fourth. I would like to introduce a new character that I've just created. Yeah.

• 2:25Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, awesome.

• 2:27Travis McElroy?

  It's called guy that hasn't paid attention to Star Wars in twenty years.

• 2:31Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 2:31Travis McElroy?

  Ready?

• 2:31Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 2:32Travis McElroy?

  And he goes to the movies.

• 2:33Griffin McElroy?

  I thought you were, I'm so sorry, Justin. I thought you were about to be like, his name is Biz.

• 2:37Travis McElroy?

  No, no, no, no, no.

• 2:38Griffin McElroy?

  He's a pod racer.

• 2:41Travis McElroy?

  His, his name is, his name is bitch gizzard. He is a globe.

• 2:48Griffin McElroy?

  He's Kit Fisto's best friend.

• 2:50Travis McElroy?

  His, yeah.

• 2:51Griffin McElroy?

  Kit Fisto's best friend, bitch gizzard.

• 2:54Travis McElroy?

  But they haven't seen each other since childhood. Bitcho gizzard. You gotta twist it a little bit to get Georgie Lucas excited. It can't just be.

• 3:03Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, it can't just be a cuss word.

• 3:05Travis McElroy?

  Okay, so here comes. And his midichlorians are off the charts.

• 3:08Griffin McElroy?

  Absolutely.

• 3:09Travis McElroy?

  They bring those back in Mandalorian.

• 3:10Griffin McElroy?

  Doesn't know what to do with them. Yeah.

• 3:12Travis McElroy?

  Hmm, a lot of movies in the theater.

• 3:15Griffin McElroy?

  This, sorry, Juice, you gotta give us a clean, is this the guy?

• 3:19Travis McElroy?

  Okay, I'm looking at the, I'm looking at the posters.

• 3:22Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, just say like, just, but in the future, if you, when you're doing a character like this, if you could just say, the guy starts now.

• 3:28Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 3:28Griffin McElroy?

  So we know that it's.

• 3:29Travis McElroy?

  Or say like exterior.

• 3:31Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 3:32Travis McElroy?

  I'm trying to do like immediate res.

• 3:34Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, I'll say it then. All right, everybody, the guy starts now.

• 3:38Travis McElroy?

  I feel like you're hanging too much of a thing on.

• 3:40Griffin McElroy?

  Exterior, movie theater.

• 3:42Travis McElroy?

  Afternoon. Try it. A divorced dad. Saying now at this point, if this dies on the vine, the blood's on your hands.

• 3:49Griffin McElroy?

  A divorced dad of four.

• 3:51Travis McElroy?

  Uh, his children. Posters.

• 3:53Griffin McElroy?

  Range between four and fourteen. He's looking at movie posters.

• 3:59Travis McElroy?

  Huh, a lot of different movies, uh, going on. Oh, they did a new Star Wars. I haven't paid attention to that for twenty years.

• 4:08Travis McElroy?

  What the fuck? Hey.

• 4:12Travis McElroy?

  Hey. Did they make a movie about Boba Fett and a tiny Yoda riding on his back doing adventures? Because I am back on board with Star Wars now. I'm actually really into this franchise.

• 4:25Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, that's not the way I thought the character was gonna go. I thought the character was gonna be-

• 4:28Travis McElroy?

  Did you think that that your brothers might help to build on it and like in the way you've always done podcasting? Or did you think that-

• 4:33Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, hold on, all this is kinda like set back and like- Say the last thing you said, say the last thing you said again. I'm ready now. No, Juice, I have a fucking killer idea.

• 4:40Travis McElroy?

  No. Uh, haven't you heard, hey, guy looking at his movie posters, he's suddenly into Star Wars again? Tell me everything about us okay?

• 4:46Griffin McElroy?

  I just stabbed you in the stomach. I just stabbed you. My guy stabbed your guy in the stomach.

• 4:50Travis McElroy?

  Oh my god!

• 4:51Griffin McElroy?

  Freeze, I'm an usher for the movie theater and stab it.

• 4:55Travis McElroy?

  Stab it, oh! I'm the man, the lorry, and I've been sent to kill you.

• 4:59Griffin McElroy?

  I'm about to kill George Lucas and I know this is George Lucas. The knife point is to your throat. Talk, George, talk.

• 5:05Travis McElroy?

  Talk, funny man. I'm so glad you liked my little guy, Grogu.

• 5:08Griffin McElroy?

  That's not the real George Lucas.

• 5:10Travis McElroy?

  That's a fake, no!

• 5:12Griffin McElroy?

  That's my kinda twin.

• 5:13Travis McElroy?

  You, you're excused. I'm not gonna kill you, father.

• 5:15Griffin McElroy?

  I can't wait to, I can't wait for you to meet Boop, Blippi. Blippi's a new guy, Blippi's a new guy I got.

• 5:23Travis McElroy?

  Blippi's in this one?

• 5:25Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, do you know, um, you remember Chewbacca? This is a little one. And, um, his name's Blippi and, um, I'm playing him.

• 5:34Travis McElroy?

  You're playing him, George?

• 5:36Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I'm gonna be Blippi, the little wookie. The little baby Chewbacca.

• 5:40Travis McElroy?

  The littlest wookie?

• 5:42Griffin McElroy?

  And we have a new movie coming out and it's called Darth Maul and Blippi. And it's about him and he finds love with a new baby wookie. This didn't sound anything like George Lucas, like from this.

• 5:52Travis McElroy?

  No, it also made it sound like Darth Maul and Blippi fall in love.

• 5:55Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 5:55Travis McElroy?

  I'd watch that. I'd watch that. Well, I ship Blippi and Grogu, so.

• 6:00Griffin McElroy?

  Which Blippi?

• 6:01Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, man. Hmm, evil Blippi?

• 6:05Griffin McElroy?

  The Blippi who is a baby who that is Chewbacca's son. What are you fucking talking about?

• 6:09Travis McElroy?

  Why don't we keep explaining that? We got baby Yoda. Now we got Blippi in the mix. Let's get some other.

• 6:16Griffin McElroy?

  More baby Star Wars babies.

• 6:19Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Give me a tiny Jabba worm. A little hut.

• 6:25Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, it's a tiny little Jabba and he eats, he eats all the sandwiches.

• 6:30Travis McElroy?

  Oh, like a slime or god like character. Yes. What I'm trying to make about this guy's that we would have gotten to about guy who hadn't paid attention to Star Wars. Cause it is just like, it feels like, I like you all right, but. Feels like smaller and you could eat him like that would be good. It's like, yeah, we all like, yeah, Boba Fett's cool, but if he was like.

• 6:51Griffin McElroy?

  Different.

• 6:52Travis McElroy?

  Super noble and he loved a little edible Yoda. That would, I'd like that better. Could you make a movie where the. I actually now I think about it, nice Boba Fett and tiny edible Yoda. Together. For me.

• 7:05Griffin McElroy?

  Strong.

• 7:06Travis McElroy?

  For me, for a whole movie.

• 7:08Griffin McElroy?

  Do you think?

• 7:09Travis McElroy?

  What's the appropriate running time for Mandalorian and Gorgo? I'm not asking what it is. An hour and 40 minutes. Hour 40 clean, right?

• 7:15Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Uh, I was gonna say a tight 110.

• 7:18Travis McElroy?

  If Mando and Grog go over 150, they could. Like, there's no way those two boys can sustain that without a romance. No way.

• 7:28Griffin McElroy?

  For sure.

• 7:28Travis McElroy?

  How much discussion do you think there's been in production meetings about if when Gorgo eventually talks? Must, is he gonna have the same grammar as Yoda? Or was that just a choice Yoda made at some point?

• 7:44Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, I see, I see. Is the other, other, um, Dagobans.

• 7:49Travis McElroy?

  Two hours and 20 minutes?

• 7:52Griffin McElroy?

  That's too long, Georgie. George, porky pudding pie. That's way too long, partner.

• 7:57Travis McElroy?

  Haven't been seven, seven years since the Star Wars movie. You don't have to smoosh them all in one big one. Geez. All I'm saying is if he's raised. By Mando. Yeah. Speaking, I guess Galactic Common or whatever it is. Is he just gonna be like, hi, everybody, it's me, Grogo. I'm also here.

• 8:22Griffin McElroy?

  Hello, what if he speaks Spanish?

• 8:24Travis McElroy?

  Ooh.

• 8:24Griffin McElroy?

  That could be cool. How can no one in the Star Wars world speaks any Spanish?

• 8:28Travis McElroy?

  Pedro Pascal privately taught Grogo Spanish.

• 8:32Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, the actor Pedro Pascal.

• 8:34Travis McElroy?

  The actor Pedro Pascal taught the man, Baby Yoda, how to speak Spanish.

• 8:40Griffin McElroy?

  I mean, I, we're joking, but I did see an episode of that show one time where Mandalorian took his helmet off. And it was Pedro Pascal under there, so it could have been the whole time.

• 8:51Travis McElroy?

  The only person that Baby Yoda has heard talk is the Mandalorian ever. So when he does talk, it's just gonna be this little adorable tough guy, right? Like, I'm gonna get you. They're done for. I'm gonna get you.

• 9:03Griffin McElroy?

  Cute.

• 9:03Travis McElroy?

  Don't back here. Hey, put me down. Hey. Give me another one of them frogs to suck on, daddy.

• 9:10Griffin McElroy?

  Give me a frog to suck on, dad. Dad, I wanna eat a frog.

• 9:14Travis McElroy?

  Give me another one of them frogs, daddy.

• 9:16Griffin McElroy?

  Armor daddy, give me a frog. Armor daddy, give me a frog to suck on from the corner.

• 9:21Travis McElroy?

  Mando daddy. Give me one of them sucky frogs.

• 9:24Griffin McElroy?

  Crunchy frogs to suck on. One of the Jabba's special sucky frogs.

• 9:29Travis McElroy?

  I don't know. He evolved.

• 9:32Griffin McElroy?

  He evolved into Sling Blade, naturally. Baby Yoda and Baby Sling Blade.

• 9:39Travis McElroy?

  Boy, howdy. All roads lead to the same place. Probably not. This is an advice show. We're gonna help people. Thanks for your support. Massive fun drive. Uh, you're, you're always great to us. We, we love you. Thank you. I recently started a new job during an average eight hour shift. I end up walking about 13 miles.

• 9:59Griffin McElroy?

  God damn.

• 10:01Travis McElroy?

  I don't know my coworkers well, but there is one particular woman who says, hey, let's race. Or I'll race you down to the end of the hall every time we cross paths. I haven't observed her doing this to anybody else. Well, to be fair.

• 10:19Travis McElroy?

  You couldn't, right? I mean scientifically speaking, that event you're talking about is unobservable by you because you would have to be present and are therefore interrupting. Part of the race. Yeah. This has happened about seven times and each time I've awkwardly laughed and shrugged it off. I appreciate the whimsy, but brothers, I'm way too tired to race this person. How do I get her to stop asking? Do I just have to beat her in a sprint the one time so she'll leave me alone? Or will this encourage further behavior? That's from reluctant sprinter in Sarasota. This is, this is something we can help with. Sure, I'm excited. Yeah. Persistent, just to kind of keep me in a problem. Sometimes people email us and be like, this is happening right now, but it's an email.

• 11:04Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I dropped a pie, I dropped a pie on my weener, a hot pie and burns. What do I do? And it's like, you're done with that, definitely. I think, listen, what we're coming back from here, what we have to reel back in is my worry is that by you kind of chuckling at it politely, you've given the impression of like, this is a shared running joke. We have. It is a running, it is a running. Well, it is a running joke, isn't it? But this is a shared moment that you. There's your out. Travis, there's your out, dude. You just got it in one. You say, I love this running joke and then you walk away, right? And then they're thinking about it and they're gonna bust up, you're gone. It doesn't matter. They bust up or they don't. You know what I mean?

• 11:48Travis McElroy?

  But like, that's that line, end of exchange. You've like busted it up. You put energy into it, right? Put a little investment in this person, give them a little bit of levity. I thought of a joke for you. Terms you're comfortable with, not racing. You don't have to engage with them in a foot race. Well, next time they ask you to race, just say, I'm not really a racist. And that will end any interaction. Travis? Huh?

• 12:14Travis McElroy?

  It means something, it means I'm glad it should be true. I like it. I like it. Actually, it's good. Is it possible that you don't see this happening with anyone else? Cause you're new to the job. She's already beaten everyone else in a foot race and now you're new meat. Yeah. It's optimistic that you think that by beating her in a sprint, she'd stop bringing it up. She'd stop and not that she would go train tirelessly until she could get her revenge. This is, we can agree that this is definitely not the first race that this person has challenged. Well, this is what I'm, I'm what, there is an alternate scenario where you go to someone, you're like, wait, what's up with Vicky? And they're like, she was hired the day before you. None of us know.

• 12:54Travis McElroy?

  We can't figure it out either. Like we are just as lost as you are. She literally started the day before you did. Yeah. Maybe she's a psyop and the boss is like, everyone moves so slow around here. We never get anything done. And Vicky is like, I know just how, I put me in boss. I know how to speed everybody up. I know how to motivate everyone to move a little faster down the hallways. I, you, I understand that you, I understand the temptation to just bust one time, bust out, break free. Go so fast. Strike so fast, just once. Go as fast as you can. I understand that, but you are gonna run into somebody.

• 13:36Travis McElroy?

  You're gonna run into somebody. They're gonna come out of their office when they're not supposed to. And you're gonna fucking drill them. They're gonna have four big lemonades. Like if they will. Four ice cold lemonades they just made hand squeezed. That they made in their office. They're not bringing it from outside. At country time.

• 13:55Travis McElroy?

  At country time, we hand race our lemons the way my grandfather did. We race all lemons up and down. While it's fresh. Stack. We, we sprint these yellow bastards right off the tree, right into the fucking plant. The last hundred yards, my nephew Dylan chucks them in, just.

• 14:16Travis McElroy?

  Fucking hurls them. Farm to table. These are FTTMPH, right? We gotta get these things in there now. They go off so quick. No one says that. Did you say Neil Patrick Harris is helping to get?

• 14:31Griffin McElroy?

  The lemons there with the power of magic. As fast as possible. We won't serve you up a glass of our chilly summer beverage until Neil Patrick Harris has run each lemon personally 200 laps around our corporate headquarters. Oh, boy.

• 14:45Travis McElroy?

  Just tell her, next time she challenges you, be like, I, I'm just too competitive. I, and like say that a couple of times and then agree to the race and trip her right at the start. You know, really take her out and say, I told, I tried to warn you.

• 15:00Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I was gonna get nasty this whole time. I see a lot of clips on TikTok from shows like Suits and Billions. And I don't know what I've done to curate that necessarily, but all of these clips are just like well-suited people fighting over the good desk with their corporate margins. And it's, and there's sometimes they're like playing poker and it's like, I bet a million dollars and my job. And the other people like rock hard for it. They're like, yeah, I love this competitive shit because this is suits or billions. And that that's just how one gets ahead in America now. Maybe this is something like that, but more of a double dare sort of physical challenge situation.

• 15:43Travis McElroy?

  Small side note, Griffin, this has happened a couple of times now. I love when you bring up stuff that gets served to you on your for you page. And you're like, I don't know why it gets served to me. And then you go on to describe how you've watched them a bunch of times and you know what happens in them? That's why you're interested in.

• 15:58Griffin McElroy?

  I know, I do watch. Yeah, I'm not.

• 16:00Travis McElroy?

  I know what Griffin's talking about though. There is a, it's a terrifying moment when I see a TikTok from Criminal Minds. Because I, I know that that's the moment that I'm gonna, the algorithm is really watching closely. Because it has taken an absolute shot in the dark.

• 16:19Griffin McElroy?

  Absolutely.

• 16:20Travis McElroy?

  Maybe Criminal Minds? And I had this moment where I'm like, I need to figure out what you're doing. I need to figure out what this is. But if I start poking around and like, God forbid, like hurting it, like what is this?

• 16:33Griffin McElroy?

  Oh dude, the accidental heart.

• 16:35Travis McElroy?

  Hey, I, I thought I was taking a shot in the dark with that Criminal Minds shit, but Justin's wild for it. He's tapped, tapped every actor tagged in it. He goes to the comments, is like scrolling through them. He's loving this Criminal Minds content. It's like, I'm not, I'm not, I just am trying to figure out what you have done. What have you brought me? It would be like if your cat brought a sparrow's corpse and you're like trying to figure out where the lungs are. And then it's like, oh, this guy loves sparrows. Hold on, we'll get another one. I'm just saying, Justin, maybe you are interested in Criminal Minds and maybe the algorithm knows you better than you know yourself. And you should just accept it and binge watch it.

• 17:14Travis McElroy?

  But we're not accepting applications at the moment. You know what I mean?

• 17:17Griffin McElroy?

  We don't have space. We do not have space for a Billions or a Suits. We can't.

• 17:22Travis McElroy?

  I can barely get to Daredevil Born Again, the things that are important to my life. You know what I mean? Like, these are relevant to me. Your friend Daredevil. I understand. And my, suddenly, surprisingly curious to find out what happens in the Limitless TV show because I got fed a clip? Yeah, absolutely I am.

• 17:41Griffin McElroy?

  It's a pill that makes him so smart, he can be president. Like, yeah, I'm, of course, I'm curious about that.

• 17:48Travis McElroy?

  And the dude from the movie makes a cameo. It's a shared universe, not just a reimagining of it. So yes, I want to know what happens.

• 17:57Griffin McElroy?

  There needs, there needs to be another vector of interaction with, with TikTok reels and Instagram reels. Not Detective Vision, but there's like the heart and there's the share and there's the re-zoom it and you blast it out to your own followers. There needs to be like a, I don't know what the image would be, maybe a ship sailing away where it, and that would communicate to the algo like, thank you for Billions. Thank you for this great clip of a high stakes poker game from Suits or Billions. But I am done. I am done. I am done with this topic. I do not need any more. And it may, we may go our separate ways now in peace, in gratitude. But I do not need only, only clips from NCIS New Orleans or whatever.

• 18:42Travis McElroy?

  Something that, that maybe like is a way to communicate, yes, I did zone out while this clip from Silicon Valley played.

• 18:51Travis McElroy?

  And that's gonna make you think, whoa, he watched it twice. He wants a lot more Silicon Valley clips. But I want to make it clear, like, no, somebody asked me a question while it was on. Please stop.

• 19:02Griffin McElroy?

  I dropped my phone, caught it with the, with the share button. I didn't even commit to the action, but that was enough for, I tell you guys, I feel like 911 Lone Star is being made specifically for this exact purpose. I feel like 911 Lone Star episodes are probably one and a half minutes of like Rob Lowe working as a firefighter in Austin, Texas. And then they're like, a meteor is about to strike. And you think like, why the fuck are they doing this for their firefighter show? And then the next, you know, 27 and a half minutes is just static dead air. And then they put their, are like, they know, like, if we put this clip out

• 19:42Griffin McElroy?

  of Rob Lowe, an Austin, Texas firefighter, looking up in the sky like, a goddamn asteroid is coming. You know, I'm going to interact with that in a, in a, a, a serious way.

• 19:54Travis McElroy?

  I bet if you were to sit down and stream that episode of television, the way it plays out is that scene happens and then it's sort of like it waits a beat and they're all sort of like staring and it's, you hear someone say, okay, cut, they've swiped away for sure.

• 20:09Griffin McElroy?

  They're gone. There's no more.

• 20:11Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Somebody holds up like a cellophane sheet with the TikTok information on this right in front of the camera. So that's just built in to the shot, you know?

• 20:22Griffin McElroy?

  The rest of the episode is just Rob Lowe and company just sitting around the firefighting table, just kind of shooting the shit while like Subway Surfers takes up a third, the right third of the screen.

• 20:32Travis McElroy?

  And whatever the show is that has the guy who played Steve from Sex of the City and he's a firefighter. He comes over and says, hey, are you guys done with the set? We need to film 45 seconds of our thing now.

• 20:44Griffin McElroy?

  Show. Yeah, absolutely.

• 20:47Travis McElroy?

  It might be the same show.

• 20:49Griffin McElroy?

  Might be.

• 20:50Travis McElroy?

  A number of years ago, a member of a well-known mafia family told me, quote, "If I ever need anything, the family has my back." "I don't do crimes, but I hate to let a good favor go to waste. Is it okay to ask the mafia to help you with non-crimey things? And what should I use my favor for?" That's from an offer they can't refuse from Ontario, Canada.

• 21:11Travis McElroy?

  Additional information, it's been about 20 years and I have to go through Facebook to claim it. Okay. Oh, that's a shame. That's a real, that's rough. It's the Facebook, having to go through Facebook to claim it is, is, is challenging. The other thing I will say to you, and this is from a place of absolute ignorance. Yeah. But if you were in Ontario, Canada, I don't think it was the real mafia. I think it was maybe. Oh, there are mafias everywhere. I just feel like it was probably not the capital M. You know what I mean? Well, not the mafia, but a mafia. The mafia, but all mafia, indefinite article mafia.

• 21:46Griffin McElroy?

  Listen to fucking justice. If it, listen to justice and pure, if it ain't Capone, no thanks.

• 21:51Travis McElroy?

  Can't get mad at me. I said I was ignorant. That's true. You can't get mad at stupid people who know they're stupid. That's

• 21:57Griffin McElroy?

  That's why all those, that's why all those Jubilee shows, they start with every.

• 22:00Travis McElroy?

  Not the word I used. Ignorant. You'd rather be ignorant? Ignorant is fixable. Fair enough. I think that this is why it's important, if you're going to become a mafia family or any kind of powerful organization that's able to say like, if you ever need a favor, you gotta have tokens of some kind that you can hand out.

• 22:21Griffin McElroy?

  So fucking lit. Yeah, absolutely. A little coin with like some shit on it.

• 22:26Travis McElroy?

  Something, something tangible.

• 22:31Travis McElroy?

  What? Wait, you want fungible or not fungible? No, I'm a tangible. Okay, you want non-fungible tokens that you exchange with the mafia for favors? Non-fungible, very tangible.

• 22:43Griffin McElroy?

  Very tangible.

• 22:44Travis McElroy?

  NF, they're not fungible because you can't spend at Costco. NFVTs. NF, I like the. NFVTTs, non-fungible, very tangible tokens.

• 22:55Griffin McElroy?

  I like the idea of a mafia member coming up to you and being like, you've done my family a great service this day. Take this bored ape JPEG and if you ever need it, HMU on Facebook and we'll get this thing going.

• 23:10Travis McElroy?

  I, I 3D printed some tokens.

• 23:14Griffin McElroy?

  Now, I've included a file to the print design. Please don't print off a bunch more of these and start spreading them around. They'll get confusing fast. Did we professionally sort of build the opposite of the mafia as a sort of like family concept? Like, what if there was a, what if there was a family, a professional family organization? That was not threatening.

• 23:41Travis McElroy?

  And owed a lot of people a lot of favors.

• 23:44Griffin McElroy?

  Yes, absolutely. That had cashed in on the goodwill of thousands of people.

• 23:50Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, we've inversely. I, you know, it's funny, the age I am, I feel like

• 23:59Travis McElroy?

  if you was a mafia person, that maybe I would really appreciate help with just like, you know how there's like cover businesses sometimes with the mafia? Like, you know, he's not really an electrician. He's like a mafia guy. I really would like the mafia to help me with like the actual electrician guy. You know what I mean? Like, if you could help me find an actual electrician that would come to the place and do the, like, yes, like, if, I think mafia as subcontractor would be very helpful.

• 24:24Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, yeah.

• 24:25Travis McElroy?

  Like, they definitely probably know a guy that paints houses. And then you're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

• 24:30Griffin McElroy?

  No, you don't understand.

• 24:31Travis McElroy?

  No, a guy that paints houses.

• 24:33Griffin McElroy?

  I need a guy to paint houses.

• 24:34Travis McElroy?

  Or if you're looking to start a new business, they've started all out a cover business. You're like, hey, you guys have started a lot of things. If you could help me set up like a real electrician business.

• 24:45Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 24:45Travis McElroy?

  Like, I love that. I'm not even asking for funding or whatever. I don't know how to find a location. I don't know how to get permits. And don't threaten, I don't need, like, I want to really get the permits.

• 24:57Griffin McElroy?

  Some of these people are just well liked.

• 24:59Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 24:59Griffin McElroy?

  You know, there's such a thing as soft power. It doesn't have to be crime. It could just be like, hey, you know how everybody thinks you're such a good guy? And so they like to help you out around town? Maybe you can help, maybe talk to one of your friends about helping me out. It's not crime. The fact that you're thinking of it like a crime is why you have an exchange at these 20 years, right? It's like, you gotta think of it like just something you need a little. I bet they don't like being asked to do crimes.

• 25:24Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 25:25Griffin McElroy?

  They would probably prefer to help you move.

• 25:27Travis McElroy?

  They probably prefer to help you move, right? Do you think in the broad scope of history, there's ever been a family who was surprised to find out that everyone in the city? Thought they were mafia.

• 25:40Griffin McElroy?

  Mafia, but really they were just really friendly.

• 25:43Travis McElroy?

  And like did nice things for us. And after like 20 years, like this city really loves us. And they're like, well, yeah, you're the mafia. You kill people who don't agree with you.

• 25:53Griffin McElroy?

  No, no, we're not. We just are huge union boosters. Like, we're big, we're big into that life and we're very friendly.

• 25:59Travis McElroy?

  And you always say this is a beautiful business. It'd be a shame if something happened to it. It's like, yeah. It was a beautiful business and shit happens all the time.

• 26:07Griffin McElroy?

  This is a gorgeous business. Oh, man, this china shop, it sure would be a fucking shame if anything happened to it. Because of all the beautiful plates and cups and tea dishes.

• 26:20Travis McElroy?

  Cutlery. And you talked about how your uncle was with the fishes now. Yeah, no, he went to Barbados and did a scuba diving thing and he fell in love with it and he does that now full time. What are you talking about?

• 26:33Griffin McElroy?

  We were at Shake Shack the other day. You ordered the Gabagool? Yeah, that's, that was a mistake on my part. I got it confused with a different, with a different restaurant.

• 26:41Travis McElroy?

  I meant to order like a large fry and I just got real marble mouthed, you know?

• 26:46Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 26:47Travis McElroy?

  There's certainly been a change of hands in the power structure too in 20 years, right?

• 26:51Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, sure.

• 26:52Travis McElroy?

  The person that owed, that owed you a favor, they, maybe nobody likes them anymore. Or maybe they got kicked out for being late a lot. You don't know that.

• 27:01Griffin McElroy?

  Hey, you're late to mafia. We've warned you so many times.

• 27:05Travis McElroy?

  You forgot to sign in.

• 27:06Griffin McElroy?

  Mafia starts at 10 a.m. sharp. That is not that early. You have no excuse for being this late.

• 27:12Travis McElroy?

  And it was your turn to bring the coffee and donuts and again.

• 27:16Griffin McElroy?

  And guns.

• 27:18Travis McElroy?

  And the guns.

• 27:21Travis McElroy?

  You forget, you brought the cannoli and you forgot the guns. You messed up. Come on, man. That stuff is a bad meaning of the mafia now. Carpool with you. And now Dave's late and it's not even his fault. I know, Dave. I'm not mad at you. I know it's not your fault. You're always on top. We're gonna stop calling that guy Mafia Dave.

• 27:39Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 27:39Travis McElroy?

  Cause he's so late for all the mafia stuff we're doing. And we're gonna start calling you Punctual Pete, but in an ironic way. Cause you're already always late. And when we say it, you'll know that it sounds like a funny joke, but we're really angry about it. That's another demerit.

• 27:55Griffin McElroy?

  There should be a scene in The Godfather where a detective busts the family for murder one, and the whole thing falls apart because one detective followed all the clues of the cannoli they took from the murder scene. That guy's like, leave the gun, because then it can't be attached to us, but take the cannoli. But then it turns out his sweet tooth is the undoing of the whole Godfather family.

• 28:21Travis McElroy?

  He actually edited out one of the great movie lines there, Griff. Have you ever seen the, have you ever seen the unedited scene?

• 28:27Griffin McElroy?

  No.

• 28:28Travis McElroy?

  He says, leave the gun, take the cannoli. There's a smaller gun inside that cannoli.

• 28:33Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, untraceable.

• 28:35Travis McElroy?

  Tiny, untraceable duck. The modern bee sting.

• 28:41Travis McElroy?

  If I ran a mafia family.

• 28:44Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 28:44Travis McElroy?

  If I ran the zoo, if I ran a mafia family, I would have tokens. We bought a mafia. Yeah, I would, I would cancel all the crime stuff. No crime stuff. I, it's canceled, but I would have tokens as established to hand out, but they would be at different, they would be different sizes to denote the size of favor you're able to ask for. Cause if somebody does something nice, but not very big, I don't want to say like, you can't ask us for a favor. You did something nice. You can ask for a small favor. You left something at home. You need one of us to pick it up for you and bring it to your work. We can do that. They can do that.

• 29:23Griffin McElroy?

  I like that. I would like a sort of pay it forward system where you could do three things for three different people or one like turbo favor.

• 29:33Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 29:33Griffin McElroy?

  And then two others, and now you're owed to by two other folks. Mafia is basically pay it forward.

• 29:38Travis McElroy?

  And they're non-transferable. It's important that these are non-fungible, very tangible, non-transferable tokens. Yeah. You gotta be careful also with the favors that you ask though, and we did touch on this with painting houses, but there's a lot of like, can you take him to the cleaners? And it's like, but not, not like that. Like I just want you to launder the money. The money's literally dirty. Like my money got dirty. I need you to clean it for me.

• 30:06Travis McElroy?

  Literally. Literally, please wash my money. My dad can't sleep well unless it's at an aquarium. Mm hmm. So drive him to the aquarium and let him sleep with the fishes, but like, bring him back. My doctor said I have a very specific orthopedic problem and I need concrete shoes. They're concrete shoes.

• 30:24Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 30:24Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 30:25Griffin McElroy?

  Go get your shine, go get your shine box, the LP of Soul Collective's Shine. The box that has Soul Collective's Shine on vinyl, I'm doing a DJ set later and I'd really like to mix it in.

• 30:39Travis McElroy?

  I want some bootlegs.

• 30:46Griffin McElroy?

  These are standalone legs, decorative legs for boot display.

• 30:51Travis McElroy?

  So it looks like it's hanging out of the back of my trunk, but not real legs.

• 30:54Griffin McElroy?

  Not really.

• 30:56Travis McElroy?

  Let's go to the money zone.

• 31:07Griffin McElroy?

  It's a beautiful website. It'd be a shame if something happened to it.

• 31:10Travis McElroy?

  Beautiful website you got here. Be shame if you built it.

• 31:13Griffin McElroy?

  Wouldn't.

• 31:14Travis McElroy?

  Wait, hold on. It'd be a shame if you didn't build it. It could be a beautiful. Beautiful idea for a website you got there in your brain. Be a shame if you didn't build it with Squarespace. That's another thing I would do is be a very inspirational based, encouraging mafia like, hey.

• 31:27Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 31:27Travis McElroy?

  I was just sitting at the bar and I overheard you talking to your brother in law about this idea you got for a business. That's a great idea for a business you got there. It'd be a shame if you didn't follow through with it. And if you're gonna build that beautiful business, you gotta have a beautiful website. Hi, I'm Mafia Don Giovanni Squarespace. I think. This is great.

• 31:48Griffin McElroy?

  No, he's cooked. No, juice.

• 31:50Travis McElroy?

  I said it's great, Griffin.

• 31:51Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 31:52Travis McElroy?

  I've started a bit of a, let's say, organization that can help you with a beautiful website.

• 32:00Griffin McElroy?

  Can I just a quick note? I think you're saying beautiful, like way too much.

• 32:04Travis McElroy?

  With a sexy website.

• 32:05Griffin McElroy?

  I don't know what the, I don't know what kind of like vibe you're going for. With this guy with this character, but he says beautiful.

• 32:12Travis McElroy?

  Okay, let me try it a different way. They've got beautiful templates, beautiful drag and drop, kind of click stuff, beautiful tech support.

• 32:19Griffin McElroy?

  So let's, let's circle back to beautiful drag and drop like click stuff.

• 32:22Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 32:23Griffin McElroy?

  Cause that's not, that's not in the copy and I'm not sure that they would appreciate that level of sort of abstraction.

• 32:29Travis McElroy?

  Okay. They've got beautiful, cutting edge design, beautiful ways for you to offer your services and get beautifully paid. Uh, all in one beautiful place.

• 32:39Griffin McElroy?

  Um, we've all used Squarespace at this point to make a plethora of websites, I think.

• 32:45Travis McElroy?

  And how would you describe those websites in like one word, Griffin?

• 32:50Griffin McElroy?

  Beautiful. And you, but we don't know anything about the internet or making stuff on it. And so, I mean, I guess podcasts, but that's like fucking nothing. It's like nothing, but websites all can be tough to make them and make them look good, but unless you use Squarespace, cause Squarespace is the, the best.

• 33:07Travis McElroy?

  I think they're even better than look good, Griffin. I think.

• 33:10Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 33:10Travis McElroy?

  Good is an.

• 33:11Griffin McElroy?

  So head to Squarespace.com slash my brother for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code my brother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

• 33:20Travis McElroy?

  Beautifully done. Beautiful. Hey, you know, it can be tempting to just not think about something that you haven't engaged with for a long time. I get it. You haven't thought about Star Wars 20 years and it's overwhelming to think about, but Rocket Money, if you've been doing that with your finances, is a great way to get back on top of things. They're gonna look at your subscriptions. They're gonna look at your, uh, everything. They're gonna dig through everything and you can beg them to stop and they won't. No, they will if you ask them to, but they're gonna look through all your, uh, your subscriptions and say, hey, did you remember you were paying for this? And they might be able to help you cancel it or, or save, uh, a few bucks on it. They have said, you're doing a great good cop. Can I back hot for a second?

• 34:02Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, sure, man.

• 34:03Travis McElroy?

  Hey, grow up. Grow up. Get your finances in order. Be a, be a grown up with Rocket Money. They'll help you grow up. Come on. Okay. Now you good cop again. Okay.

• 34:17Griffin McElroy?

  Please.

• 34:17Travis McElroy?

  Says specifically, don't do a good cop, bad cop thing. Yeah. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps lower your bills. So you can grow your savings. What's that mean for you, the layman or late person? It means that you're Very good. Yeah. So inclusive and natural. That's so progressive. I'm really thinking. Here's your special sticker. Thanks, man. I, whoa, it came through the screen? Yeah, I'm gonna put the, the good ally ribbon on your forehead today. Yeah, every, you know what, Griffin? No matter how you express your gender, you could not know what you're talking about. Thank you, late person. What a great, what a great word.

• 35:02Travis McElroy?

  Rocket Money will help you reach your financial goals faster. Don't be like Griffin. Grow up. Come on. Join at rocketmoney.com slash my brother. That's rocketmoney.com slash my brother. Rocketmoney.com slash my brother.

• 35:21Speaker 04

  Pokemon, Insecure, Love Island, Paramore. What do all these things have in common? Black people love them. That's where Black People Love Paramore comes in. We're a pop culture podcast taking a funny look at the common and sometimes very uncommon things black people love. From asking why so many black kids were secretly emo to debating whether Beyonce is underrated. Hint, she is. We're getting into all the things that make us feel a little bit more seen. Get it? And yes, everybody's invited, no matter your niche, we have room for you. Listen to Black People Love Paramore on MaximumFun.org and wherever you get your podcasts.

• 36:05Speaker 05

  Hello? Hello, I'm calling on behalf of the Beef and Dairy Network Podcast. No, I'm sorry, no sales calls, goodbye. It's a multi-award winning podcast featuring guests such as Ted Danson, Nick Offerman, Josie Long. I don't know what a Josie Long is, and anyway, I'm about to take my mother into town to see Phantom of the Opera at last. You are wasting my time, and even worse, my mother's time. She only has so much time left. She's 98 years old, she's only expected to live for another 20 or 30 years. Mother, get your shoes on. Yes, the orthopedic ones, I don't want that to carry you home again, do I? Right, well, if you were looking for a podcast. Mother, you're not wearing that, are you? It's very revealing, mother. This is a musical theatre, not a Parisian bordello. Simply go to MaximumFun.org. I'm reaching for my Samsung Galaxy 4 as we speak. Mother, mother, not that hat.

• 36:53Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 36:57Travis McElroy?

  I wanna munch. Squad.

• 37:02Travis McElroy?

  I want to munch squad squad.

• 37:06Travis McElroy?

  Welcome to Bunche Squad's podcast with a little podcast providing the latest and greatest in brand eating. With everything going on with all the commotion of like Star Wars Day and like the Max Fun Drive, I haven't been able to cover some of the biggest stories. Uh, in the world. So I was like, want to do a quick survey, like an overview real quick. Yeah, what's happening? This is like, this is the first thing I want to tell you guys about, and this one isn't funny. Oh, okay. Okay. Is it sad? It's not sad. No. It's just like, I would just want to talk to you about it real quick. All the burgers are gone. This isn't fun. This is this, this isn't funny. I just want to ask you about this. First of all. Cool Lejour unveils Mother's Day menu. First of all, like. All right. How fucking good do these things look? Yeah.

• 37:51Travis McElroy?

  That's why I wanted to ask you guys first. This is Mother's Day. I don't, I don't, I'll be honest with you. I don't know what I'm looking at. Cool Lejour is here to celebrate and honor special mothers in your life with a new lineup of cakes, pastries and beverages. So I'm just going to tell you that this is a. Obe spiral crescent. Flakey croissant dough filled with nutty obe cloud cream filling dip with a obe white chocolate coating and top with a white flour.

• 38:16Travis McElroy?

  Cece's Pizza is bringing back the Ole. Who do you turn to when you want to celebrate? Cinco de Mayo and that incredible battle over the French, that incredible victory. You go to Cece's Pizza for their Ole. Tuesday pizza and you've been asking for it, Trav. You've been asking for this one. I know from me a lot and you are not alone. Cece's has heard you. It's because when people ask me, hey, do you want to go? To like, where do you want to celebrate? You want to get some pizza to celebrate? I say Cece. Like, yes, yes. Yeah, yes. Yeah, absolutely. Yes, we're changing our name to Yes, Yes's Pizza.

• 38:58Travis McElroy?

  The nation's, it says Cece's Pizza, the nation's original all you can eat buffet. An iconic dining destination for families since 1985. There is no way they predated the Pizza Hut lunch buffet, right? Does it say pizza buffet or just? But all you can eat pizza buffet. I, Pizza Hut never came to me and said, that's enough pie for you, uh, senora.

• 39:23Travis McElroy?

  Mama mia, you've had enough of our delicious Italian pie at Pizza Hut.

• 39:29Griffin McElroy?

  Lot of really good.

• 39:30Travis McElroy?

  It's bringing back fan favorite.

• 39:32Griffin McElroy?

  A lot of responsible accent work this episode. I want to give everybody a special ally sticker for that.

• 39:40Griffin McElroy?

  A lot of ethical thoughtful accent play.

• 39:44Travis McElroy?

  Guys, the nationwide return of its Ole Pizza, a nostalgic taco style pizza.

• 39:54Griffin McElroy?

  Nostalgic for what? Possibly be experiencing.

• 40:01Travis McElroy?

  The Ole Pizza combines heat, texture and flavor. All baked on Cece's signature crust.

• 40:09Griffin McElroy?

  The holy triumvirate of food. Make food that doesn't have one of those things that's fucking cra-.

• 40:16Travis McElroy?

  This is a flavorless, textureless, but incredibly hot.

• 40:21Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Jolly Rancher has this new line of flavorless hard candies coming out and you just suck on them and they're just kinda in there and then they're gone.

• 40:30Travis McElroy?

  We've had a lot of guests ask about this one over the years, says Jeff Hetzel, pretzel of Cece's Pizza and tragically not Wetzel's Pretzels. The Ole Pizza is one people remember and the great thing about Cece's is if you don't see it on the buffet, we'll make it for you.

• 40:49Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, I want to pause here because Jeff.

• 40:51Travis McElroy?

  One second. Do you want to stop so I could say one time out loud Jeff Hetzel, president of Wetzel's Pretzels? Cause I did want to hear it too. Now go ahead.

• 41:00Griffin McElroy?

  It does sound good.

• 41:01Travis McElroy?

  Jeff, making the claim that people remember it and ask questions about it does not necessarily imply enjoyment or quality. There are terrible things that have happened to me in my life that I'll never forget and that I have many questions about. Jeff did not just say everyone loved it so much. They begged for it back.

• 41:25Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 41:26Travis McElroy?

  I also need to pull over real quick and stop. Jeff says, we've had a lot of guests asked about this one over the years. And then Jeff goes on to say, the great thing about CCs is if you don't see it on the buffet, we'll make it for you. Well, which the fuck is it, Jeff? Which the fuck is it? Is it that people have asked you to make an Ole pizza and you said, eat shit? No way? Or is it maybe in a few years? Or is it, yeah, no problem. This is CCs. We'll put whatever garbage out there you want. You know what I mean? Like, which is it, Jeff?

• 41:58Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 41:59Travis McElroy?

  In the meantime, we're bringing it front and center for Cinco de Mayo. So guests can enjoy it fresh, hot and ready as part of the buffet. Wait a minute. So is Jeff saying we would have made you an Ole pizza the whole time? All you had to do was ask, you fools?

• 42:13Griffin McElroy?

  No one, no one solves our riddle yet, so we're disappointed. We have to announce that this whole fucking time you guys could just be asking for Ole pizza.

• 42:22Travis McElroy?

  You just had another right combination of words. And then you could have had an Ole pizza.

• 42:29Griffin McElroy?

  It's the CCARG.

• 42:31Travis McElroy?

  It's a CC. It's the CC's PPARG. I, uh, so that is that, that story, very important. A lot of important work going on. Now, this is the one that I, I think might be too visual. And apologies if it ends up being too visual, but I did want to share it with you because I have long suspected. Part of the sadness of Munch Squad for me is that I have long known that AI, when it comes for writing jobs, the first job that's going to come for the, the writing that no one but me is reading. And I think that that, that is, that is, there's a sadness to that. But, and, and, and so my spirit though, has been buoyed somewhat

• 43:15Travis McElroy?

  by the realization that it will also mean people are going to start using AI images in their press releases. No matter the impact that might have on their brand. So let's talk about Kona Ice's partnership with Gabby's Dollhouse. Oh, wow. Oh, no. It's a nightmare on the left and it's hell on the right. And grab Patty's hand and hold on for your goddamn life.

• 43:39Griffin McElroy?

  Holy shit, dude. This image is, this image is-

• 43:43Travis McElroy?

  This really, uh, this image is tough, man. The toughest part. Hey, have you guys ever read that new creepypasta about the, about Gabby came alive and then, uh, just ate everybody? How do I, what would you just?

• 43:57Griffin McElroy?

  Just send me a fucking hyperlink to this image. I need this to occupy my entire computer monitor. Cause I, there's, there's fucking shit.

• 44:04Travis McElroy?

  We gotta go, we gotta go deeper. We gotta go deeper in this image.

• 44:07Griffin McElroy?

  I mean, just first thing, it's a Kono ice truck, which is a flavored ice, uh, sort of truck. And they have sort of one panel, whole panel. Their car is like carved out and that's where you can choose your flavor splashes. But then behind the car, there's just one of those racks of flavor splashes floating in zero space, in no space.

• 44:25Travis McElroy?

  I messaged you a full. And also some sort of vertical hedge maze.

• 44:31Griffin McElroy?

  There is a, yeah, there is a 40 foot tall bush in this image. Definitely.

• 44:36Travis McElroy?

  All rectangular. There's a rectangular window cut out of the hedge about 20 feet off the ground.

• 44:42Griffin McElroy?

  It's insane.

• 44:42Travis McElroy?

  Turrets on the top, it looks like. It also, it also seems to be that, uh, it's just Gabby standing by herself in front of her ice truck. And she seems to have pulled up to some sort of villa or something. It's just her. There's no kids around. There's, there might be someone in the truck. I'm like looking in the window. It's like a half a silhouette of a person, maybe?

• 45:10Griffin McElroy?

  This image I don't think is an official image of Gabby from Gabby's dollhouse either.

• 45:15Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 45:16Griffin McElroy?

  Um, there is a weird, there's a weirdness to the proportions. Her legs are about 80% of her body. This is a strange image.

• 45:24Travis McElroy?

  Is this a, is this what the size of a Kona truck? Uh, like, I don't think they really use an image because there is a very upset looking crab at the bottom. Who also seems to be mad that he like scared that he's in the picture.

• 45:37Griffin McElroy?

  No way. That's a real Kono truck feature that right where the kids would stand. Sad, sad crab.

• 45:42Travis McElroy?

  None of it is real. There's also this like amazing computer thing where like it wants lines to keep going and it wants them to be the same like, I like doing the grass on the truck. I'm just gonna keep doing it on the ground. It's like, no, stop. That's the end of the truck. You can't put it on your shelf there just because you want one. I know you want it, but you can't do that. We gave the truck a shadow. Should we give Gabby one?

• 46:05Griffin McElroy?

  No, no, she's not real. So it'd be weird to give her one.

• 46:09Travis McElroy?

  Kona Ice, the nation's leader in mobile shaved ice, is teaming up and apparently not driving someone in a goddamn Gabby costume, 10 feet to have him standing in front of a truck.

• 46:23Travis McElroy?

  Is teaming up with DreamWorks Animation, a multi-million dollar company to celebrate the global smash streaming series Gabby's Dollhouse that apparently can't afford a fucking 20 minute Photoshop job. This collaboration pairs Kona Ice's commitment to community joy with Gabby's a meowsing world, creating a multi-sensory experience for fans across the country. Uh, the partnership represents a shared mission to inspire creativity, imagination and fun. I'm not kidding. That's what it says in the press release underneath that image. Yeah, unless I'm mistaken, um, in this very AI image, it does say like Droom Works or Dram Works on the sign.

• 47:09Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah, you're right, Travis. It says Droom Works. I'm surprised old Jeffrey Katz was was stoked about that.

• 47:19Travis McElroy?

  Hmm. He says, sorry, Victoria, it says Droom Works on here.

• 47:24Griffin McElroy?

  It does look like the sad crab is gesturing to the Droom Works logo as if to say like, I did my best.

• 47:30Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Sorry, mom. I'm sorry, everybody. I spelled it wrong. Don't tell Shrek.

• 47:36Travis McElroy?

  It's celebrating. Uh, to further add to the brand experience, Kona Ice will debut a specially designed licensed Gabby's Dollhouse Kona Cup.

• 47:47Travis McElroy?

  I hope they got a human to do that. Each cup will feature Gabby herself. Well, it won't. It'll, it'll feature an image of Gabby herself. It's important to know. It will feature the name of Gabby and a depiction of character actor, Robert Loja. We're not sure why we went that way, but like, fuck it, right? Bringing her signature smile and adventurous spirit to every Kona served. Beginning today, these themed cups will be available at participating Kona Ice trucks across the country, serving as the perfect companion to their Rainbow Kitty Magic Flavor. Which did you not have a picture of? Was it a truck? Was it Gabby? Or was it not those two things? Because those are the only two mission critical things to this image. Which did you not have access to?

• 48:33Travis McElroy?

  You couldn't just give us a picture of what this Rainbow Kitty Magic? I mean, that like in the cup? That she's not, the thing that I can't express to you, and if you're not looking at this image, somehow she's not looking at you and it's like worse. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like she's, I don't know why, but she's looking above you a little bit like there's someone like, she's hoping a taller, better person will come up behind you and take her away from this. That's the expression on Gabby's face. It's also not what Gabby, like if I show this image to my kids who have watched and enjoyed Gabby's Dollhouse and said, you know, Gabby, they'd be like, who is this? Who is this? This is who? This is Gubby. This is look, this looks like someone that's trying to lure you into a van to take you away

• 49:17Travis McElroy?

  from your mommy and daddy. This sucks. Uh, how about another question? I would love that though. Um, I am a 30 year old man who loves ice cream, but does not like food waste for spending money. I walk home from work past several convenience stores and occasionally buy an ice cream. However, I've noticed that it's often cheaper to buy a box of three or four ice creams from the frozen section than to buy a single ice cream from the to go section. I want to buy a whole box to save money and to give the surplus ice cream away to strangers. They are individually wrapped, but I'm worried people will.

• 49:50Travis McElroy?

  I haven't read the rest of this sentence, but they will be suspicious and think I'm trying to poison them or sell them something. Also, I have to get people to accept these ice creams quickly so that we can all enjoy them before they melt. So how do I give away this ice cream quickly without making it weird? And that's from United by Ice Cream in the United Kingdom. Now, I will just say, I'm so excited to have someone write in who uses like ice cream is like a noun, like a singular noun. And I feel like, can we do that just for this one time, this one question? Because I love that. Like have an ice cream. Like they have, they have an ice cream. Instead of some ice cream? No, not some ice cream. Yeah. Yeah, I'm saying instead of that.

• 50:34Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, instead of that, it's like a, like a, oh, ice cream. Like here's a, here's an ice cream I can give to you. That's why I like an iced cream. An iced latte. I don't know. Don't do this. Yeah. Yeah. You can't. Maybe things are different over there. I don't know. We haven't, we haven't kept close tabs on y'all for, for 250 years now, but like, we wouldn't do that over here. I've got to say, I love, we sell them, you know? I don't know why my assumption would be this is poison, but it would be. It would be. I don't know why I think people are walking around going into convenience stores, buying a box of ice cream, then pulling, I guess, a laden syringe out of their pocket and injecting arsenic, I suppose, into the ice cream. But that's what I would assume.

• 51:19Griffin McElroy?

  Poison's not my first assumption anymore in 2026. I do feel like it's more of a, I, I'm going to be worried that I'm about to get a real hard timeshare pitch. Like if someone comes up and is like, ice cream? I have extra. I would not say yes, because then they would like say, hey, have you ever thought about joining the Disney Vacation Club or some shit?

• 51:38Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. You know how you're not supposed to feed wild animals because you're teaching them that it's safe, right?

• 51:46Travis McElroy?

  I would have to work through so much internal stuff to be able to accept an ice cream from a stranger and would I be better off at the end of it? Do you know what I mean? Would I be, would I be in a better state emotionally if it's like, you know, I used to be hesitant about accepting ice creams from strangers, but now I do it all the time. Like, I don't think you're better off. We talk a lot in society about breaking down emotional walls and barriers and stuff, but some walls are there, like a flood wall keeps water out when the flood rises. I don't think accepting random food from random people is a thing of like, I don't know why we stopped doing that. No, we built whole systems.

• 52:29Travis McElroy?

  Like, you have to get a license, a application, you have to fill it out. Oh, yeah. To be able to sell food to people and you're just gonna be like, oh, I'm an unlicensed ice cream vendor, you can trust me. And I'm not saying question after. Are you sure that you're up to any nefarious? It sounds like you're not. But what I am saying is, if you told me, hey, over the next 100 days, 100 different people once a day are gonna offer you ice cream, all of them are kind and good people who wish you no ill will. No, no, no. You just can't.

• 53:03Griffin McElroy?

  I'm trying to imagine what a day where 100 people offer me ice cream even looks like, Trav, I'll be honest.

• 53:08Travis McElroy?

  Not 100 people, I, I tried to clarify it's one person a day. For 100 days, it's a different person each day.

• 53:17Griffin McElroy?

  So for 100 days, every person I interact with tries to give me ice cream?

• 53:21Travis McElroy?

  It's one person a day, different times of the day, you never know when they're gonna come. It might be first thing in the morning, Griffin, it might be, oh, you've just finished a delicious night. How many days in a row does that happen before you're like, I need help? I need professional help. This is the weirdest version of the Truman Show I've ever been in. It's some kind of viral marketing campaign for ice cream. Mr. Beast is really fucking with me like a personal beef. I don't know.

• 53:43Griffin McElroy?

  Jim Carrey is the creamy man.

• 53:46Travis McElroy?

  Mm-hmm.

• 53:47Griffin McElroy?

  Coming this summer to your big movie screens.

• 53:49Travis McElroy?

  The cream will rise this summer.

• 53:50Griffin McElroy?

  Cream will rise.

• 53:51Travis McElroy?

  Why? Because it's creamy. Yeah. C-R-E-A-M-Y?

• 54:02Travis McElroy?

  Somebody cream me. Yeah, there it is.

• 54:08Travis McElroy?

  Somebody. They call me Creamy Pete.

• 54:12Travis McElroy?

  Anybody cream? Creamy guy. If you cream him, he won't learn nothing.

• 54:21Travis McElroy?

  The cream, the cream. That's my liar liar. Yeah. The claw, it's like the best. I don't know. I don't have a. These are my creamy penguins. I've never seen Mr. Popper's penguins, but I assume it still works. I love you, creamy Morris. I haven't seen that one either. Yeah. Honey, I don't think we should watch the Truman Show anymore. Uh, this, if it's gonna be all this kinda content, um, I think, I think our family is, ah, what's he doing with the cream now? Honey, turn it off. Ever since they sold the Truman Show to Borden's, it's really gone downhill.

• 54:53Griffin McElroy?

  The movie, the movie would be fundamentally different if, if he had turned out to be a pervert. If they had, just like a constant press conferences from the production company of the TV show, The Truman Show, having to be like, hey, guys, so next season, we're gonna do our best to like, get him, get him out of, I mean, he's really just kind of at his computer, watching some pretty heavy shit, um, pornographically speaking, for like six hours a day and like, we can do our best, we can send Laura Lenny in there to be like, do you wanna come drink Ovaltine with me? But instead, he's probably gonna be like, nah, I just found this new website and I got a jork like eight or nine times.

• 55:33Griffin McElroy?

  And I know there's people out there who love this arc for The Truman Show, but please understand, we're trying to make a family friendly product here.

• 55:40Travis McElroy?

  And we're worried about him.

• 55:42Griffin McElroy?

  We're worried about him.

• 55:42Travis McElroy?

  Too much.

• 55:44Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 55:45Travis McElroy?

  Thank you so much for listening to our podcast. I hope you've enjoyed yourself. I hope that you grew. Something as a person. Maybe so bold. We got some new merch over there in the merch store. If you can go over to macaroymerch.com. Namely, well, first off, I should say, we got a Count Donut Cape Vault sticker designed by Nate Freeberg. Yes, the very same sticker that Count Donut puts on his Cape Vault. You can now have your very own Cape Vault. Don't you want to have a Cape Vault sticker like your hero Count Donut? Now you can't. Protect your capes, folks. We've also got new mugs over there. The don't talk to me until I've had my podcast mug, the I like all butts and no government mug.

• 56:27Travis McElroy?

  And also a digital cross stitch pattern of that. My brother, my brother and T available alone or in a bundle with a mug. And 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to the First Nations Development Institute. I want to thank Montane for the use for a theme song. My Life is Better With You, a powerful song, a mantra for some. And I'm just so grateful. I'm just so grateful and thankful that we get to use it. Thank you, Montane. And Montane said some really nice things about us on their, on their TikTok. So now we're saying nice things about them again. And the cycle. The cycle's gotta stop somewhere. You can also preorder the Adventure Zone historian song right now. It's the final Adventure Zone graphic novel in the Balance series. You can go to theadventurzonecomic.com and get it there.

• 57:12Travis McElroy?

  I could throw this tape measure and try to hold on to the tape measure side and see how far I can get it. Oh, that could be cool. Yeah. Yeah, throw the tape measure, but hold on to the tape measure side. But you really need to throw the tape measure very hard. You ready? Yeah. I'll throw it from the camera. We can see how far I can get it. Okay, don't break your shit.

• 57:34Travis McElroy?

  Cool. My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. My brother, my brother, me kiss your dad square on the lips.

• 58:15Speaker 01

  Maximum.

• 58:15Travis McElroy?

  Fun. A worker-owned network. Of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.