Pod Insights My Brother, My Brother And Me MBMBaM 814: Pibbonade About this episode It’s mermaid szn, and to celebrate we’re writing these big boy Legos off on our taxes. We’re also ruining sodas for fun, getting nostalgic for farts, and considering getting into bowling. You know, mermaid szn things.
Suggested talking points: We Love Defrauding Our Corrupt Government, Most Folks Know About Minas Tirith, Frodo Saggins I Think I Said, One Man Collective Bargaining, Put Me In The Tank Papa, Freestyle Data Surveillance
First Nations Development Institute: https://www.firstnations.org/
Transcript 12,741 words · 6 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Speaker 00 The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?
1:10 Travis McElroy? Hello, everybody. Welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.
1:16 Travis McElroy? Well, hello there. What up, Trav Nation? It's me, your middlest brother, Travis Big Dog Wolf of Vroom Vroom, the heater, award-winning McElroy.
1:23 Griffin McElroy? Ahoy, sailor. Welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me. I'm your sweet baby brother, Griffin McElroy.
1:28 Travis McElroy? Set sail for an ocean of laughs.
1:30 Griffin McElroy? Set sail.
1:31 Travis McElroy? We made a huge mistake before we started recording today and we started having a conversation without recording it. And it was a conversation we were engaged. Yeah, we were talking.
1:41 Travis McElroy? It was like content is going down the drain.
1:42 Travis McElroy? We sensed it. I mean, I think we all kind of panicked and sensed that we're like, wait, we gotta get the mics rolling on this guy. Cause this is, this is just, people forget this. This is just our crazy mixed up life.
1:54 Travis McElroy? This is just like a hang with us FRFR, guys, fam.
1:59 Griffin McElroy? This is the show.
2:00 Travis McElroy? This is just us.
2:01 Griffin McElroy? When you're here. Don't, I hope you're not attached to that shit, because we're gonna be shooting it. Together, just chopping it up as three brothers. I can try and organically get us back into the convo if you guys.
2:13 Travis McElroy? No, it's just adult Legos. That's the topic of conversation, which is, I think it's fun. I think everybody recognizes that there are two classes of Legos. There's adult Legos and Legos for kids.
2:22 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
2:23 Travis McElroy? That's, that's a, that's an understood thing.
2:25 Griffin McElroy? Sometimes they are for kids' subjects, but the number of pieces and detail work required suggests an adult, an adult supervision.
2:34 Travis McElroy? We're throwing the word adults around a lot. I've said before, I got a real hangup whenever somebody labels something adult something.
2:40 Griffin McElroy? Grown Legos.
2:41 Travis McElroy? Girl, I mean, what are you doing? Do you give a kid a gun? I mean, what are you talking about?
2:46 Travis McElroy? No, but you wouldn't call it adult guns.
2:49 Griffin McElroy? No.
2:50 Travis McElroy? What are you talk-? No, but like.
2:51 Travis McElroy? Legos for adults has a different ring to me than adult Legos.
2:56 Griffin McElroy? Adult, what about this?
2:57 Travis McElroy? Okay, good, then let's unpack that, Travis. What are you, what are you so uncomfortable with right now? Because I'm saying there are some Lego sets that a child isn't going to have the patience to endure.
3:08 Travis McElroy? Mature Legos.
3:09 Travis McElroy? Because the reward.
3:09 Griffin McElroy? That's way worse, dude.
3:10 Travis McElroy? Legos After Dark.
3:12 Griffin McElroy? You heard how bad that is, too.
3:14 Travis McElroy? Yeah, that's how I hear it in my head.
3:16 Travis McElroy? Yeah, but you're perverting it. My purity shouldn't be a burden. It should be a resource to be tapped. You know what I mean? It shouldn't be.
3:27 Griffin McElroy? I'm done hiding in the shadows. My love of adults' Legos. Adult apostrophe S Legos. I think it's a great way, when you're winding down from a day where the world and your children have conspired to strip all semblance of control away from you.
3:47 Travis McElroy? Correct.
3:48 Griffin McElroy? To sit over a bunch of little plastic guys and snap them together in the way that the Lord ordained, and then together they make the Great Wave of Kanagawa. And then you can put that in your, the background of your shot and then you can write that Lego set off on your American taxes?
4:06 Travis McElroy? I mean, that's good. We love that.
4:08 Griffin McElroy? That's good stuff, man.
4:09 Travis McElroy? We love defrauding our corrupt government.
4:12 Travis McElroy? Oh, yeah. Just taking a little bit back. Here's the problem, Griffin. I also, I have several Lego sets around me, but I also have, well, no, I also have a ton, a metric ton of other shit in my office. This is why, can I tell you my secret? I got a high ceiling in my office and floating shelves, so I can put more shit up just out of eye line. So when you're looking around, you're like, this is the normal amount of shit in here. And then like you look up six inches and you're like, oh, there's a whole nother layer of shit in here.
4:46 Griffin McElroy? Travis has actually some marking tape down like on his walls, showing exactly where his camera is recording and just immediately beyond the perimeter of that tape, it's fucking, it's, it's old hero cliques. It's like 15 swords.
5:04 Travis McElroy? The only stuff that goes behind me in the shot is things about me.
5:08 Griffin McElroy? Right.
5:09 Travis McElroy? Rocket Man.
5:10 Griffin McElroy? Right.
5:11 Travis McElroy? Rocketeer, excuse me, Rocketeer or Wonder Man.
5:13 Travis McElroy? We did our annual office.
5:14 Travis McElroy? Those are the three facets of my personality I'm willing to share.
5:18 Griffin McElroy? Plant your own shit.
5:19 Travis McElroy? And Rocket Man.
5:20 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
5:21 Griffin McElroy? And Wonder Man.
5:21 Travis McElroy? First, I would like to pitch Legos.
5:23 Griffin McElroy? He is called the Rocketeer, so Rocket Man's a good one.
5:25 Travis McElroy? I corrected it after a second.
5:27 Travis McElroy? Rocket Man is your favorite Har- Helen Williams film. Um, I would like to first suggest Legos for F O R adults. Like, to be clear that it's not the number four.
5:39 Travis McElroy? Okay.
5:39 Travis McElroy? Legos for.
5:41 Griffin McElroy? That's cool, Juice. I don't know that there were a lot of people out there thinking that we were talking about.
5:45 Travis McElroy? Like cars for kids.
5:47 Griffin McElroy? Like four adults that we had made out of Legos, dude.
5:49 Travis McElroy? But it's the branding.
5:51 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
5:51 Travis McElroy? Legos F O R, not the number.
5:54 Travis McElroy? Oh, we're not doing a Q C.
5:55 Travis McElroy? Cause like Legos for kids.
5:57 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
5:57 Travis McElroy? This is Legos F O R adults.
6:00 Griffin McElroy? That's cool.
6:01 Travis McElroy? So it makes it clear that it is an adult product.
6:04 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, I want to make it, I want, I want to make it clear that Lego in no way calls these adult Legos. Because like.
6:10 Travis McElroy? I'm just trying to help them with the brand.
6:12 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, but like, kids, if you want to spend $650 on a, on a 8,000 piece set of Minas Tirith, they'll take your money. They will accept that.
6:22 Travis McElroy? They will. They don't check IDs at the Lego store.
6:25 Travis McElroy? I, no, I, okay, I, I am, I, at the risk of going too deep into my psyche, here is the issue that I have with these, these Lego sets. I have put together two now. I put together an NES and a Game Boy. I very much enjoyed the process of doing them.
6:41 Griffin McElroy? So great.
6:41 Travis McElroy? This is the internal.
6:42 Griffin McElroy? Juice, juice, juice, juice. When you've been hitting, when you've hit the Benjamin a couple of times and you're just mellowing out. And it feels like we can like, talk about stuff like this now because dad doesn't listen to the show anymore, but like, when you have a little bit of a buzz on and then it's like, connect this two by three to, to that flange. Good, right?
7:03 Travis McElroy? Having a scotch and putting together the planet express ship is the closest I get. When you see someone like doing a crossword in a wingback chair by a fire.
7:13 Griffin McElroy? Grandpa whittling? No, grandpa a little high, putting together.
7:17 Travis McElroy? Two quick things. One, oh gosh, great idea, man. I've never thought of it.
7:23 Griffin McElroy? No, I'm not suggesting it. Oh, sorry. That was, I was commiserating like, it's good, right? Not like, you gotta try Legos high. I would never suggest that.
7:32 Travis McElroy? Have you ever tried Legos on?
7:34 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, no.
7:35 Travis McElroy? Uh, the other thing, a quick sidebar to that, what you just said, dad, what's the show anymore? Dad, yesterday we did clubhouse at, at three, or at 2:30 and dad texted us, that was really fun, guys. Halfway through the episode of clubhouse.
7:52 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
7:53 Travis McElroy? Not at the end of it.
7:54 Travis McElroy? The introduction was very fun.
7:55 Travis McElroy? He was done, maybe.
7:56 Travis McElroy? He loves Star Wars.
7:57 Travis McElroy? He's going to do something else.
7:58 Travis McElroy? He found the secret setting on YouTube that makes it play so fast, you can go forward in time. And see the stream when it's done before it's done.
8:06 Travis McElroy? He basically sent us a, hey, great show halfway through the show.
8:09 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
8:09 Travis McElroy? It's because he had other things he needed to do.
8:11 Griffin McElroy? Will you guys tell me if it goes, if my, if my like, stuff in the background kind of goes too far? Because I feel like I've been trying to be less.
8:19 Travis McElroy? I need to come, you interrupted me halfway through my point. Sorry. I don't want to be like.
8:23 Griffin McElroy? I thought your point was over.
8:25 Travis McElroy? No, because you started talking about weed. And that was a sidebar.
8:28 Griffin McElroy? So don't interrupt. Sorry dude, you must understand, we were seven sidebars deep at that point. I simply lost the trail.
8:33 Travis McElroy? I understand the nature of the show, but I would like to complete my deep dive.
8:36 Griffin McElroy? Please, please, uh, please go ahead.
8:37 Travis McElroy? So I've constructed these two sets. Here's the problem that I have is the, once the set is done. I, it is immediately communicating things I do not wish to communicate about myself. I enjoyed the time I spent with it, but I do not want to be reminded.
8:54 Griffin McElroy? Oh wow.
8:54 Travis McElroy? That I spent time assembling the Legos.
8:56 Griffin McElroy? Unpack that.
8:57 Travis McElroy? When people come by and they notice or observe this set.
9:00 Griffin McElroy? Uh huh.
9:01 Travis McElroy? Which they don't, because I would hide them away. I don't let people would see them.
9:04 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
9:05 Travis McElroy? They might think that I was proud of the fact that I was able to assemble this Lego set on my own. That is another, I feel like, I fear implication of having them on display.
9:15 Griffin McElroy? Hmm, interesting.
9:16 Travis McElroy? Right? Like, yeah, yeah, I'm the bad boy you heard about. I had all the free time and I did it. And I don't, so like aesthetically, I like these objects.
9:24 Griffin McElroy? Sure.
9:25 Travis McElroy? And I have them in my office, but I feel like having them in my home after I've completed the set. They are now communicating that I don't wish to possess them.
9:34 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
9:34 Travis McElroy? Justin, let me fix that for you.
9:35 Griffin McElroy? Let Travis fix that for you.
9:37 Travis McElroy? I'm gonna fix that for you real quick, Justin.
9:39 Travis McElroy? Don't, don't try to fix it by making me like you though. You promise.
9:43 Travis McElroy? No, I promise. Gallery style information placard next to it. That lists number of pieces and time it took you to complete. As though, Justin, this wasn't just you putting together a Lego set. This is an art installation now.
9:58 Griffin McElroy? Yes.
9:59 Travis McElroy? Hugely, hours to complete is, that is exactly the worst.
10:03 Griffin McElroy? Well, you fudge it. Well, you fucking fudge it, dude.
10:06 Travis McElroy? Yeah, you fudge it.
10:06 Griffin McElroy? You fucking fudge it, dude. You think they don't fudge that shit on those plaques or it's like?
10:11 Travis McElroy? You fudge it.
10:11 Griffin McElroy? You just fucking fudge it.
10:12 Travis McElroy? Like 23, 23 minutes to completion.
10:15 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
10:17 Griffin McElroy? The seventeen thousand piece Daily Bugle model to scale. I finished it in eleven minutes and thirty five seconds.
10:27 Travis McElroy? No help.
10:28 Griffin McElroy? No help.
10:29 Travis McElroy? No help.
10:30 Griffin McElroy? No book.
10:30 Travis McElroy? No assistance.
10:31 Griffin McElroy? Fucking by eye. That should be the, that's, there should be another tier that they should call like a real adult Legos.
10:40 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
10:41 Griffin McElroy? They show up, they're big fucking huge sets with no book, no separation in the bags. You get one big loose box.
10:49 Travis McElroy? No guarantee that it's even a set. It might be three or four different sets they just dumped in a box together.
10:54 Griffin McElroy? Well, I do want.
10:55 Travis McElroy? Then you have to make up stuff. That's not fun.
10:56 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
10:57 Travis McElroy? Yeah, gross.
10:57 Griffin McElroy? My imagination.
10:58 Travis McElroy? I, uh, I, the worst thing you can do with a Lego set, and this is probably the scariest situation you end up in as a parent.
11:06 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
11:06 Travis McElroy? And I have, I've made this mistake a couple of times now is you start a Lego kit with your child because you think it will be a fun bonding activity. And then halfway through guaranteed, maybe earlier, they lose interest. And then you have a problem. You have a half assembled Lego set.
11:26 Griffin McElroy? Sure.
11:26 Travis McElroy? And you have many unappealing options at this point. You will not return to it. You can maybe, you know, you shove it off half finished. That's a huge mess. You've, you finish it on your own.
11:38 Griffin McElroy? Mm hmm.
11:39 Travis McElroy? It's not what you signed up for. That's gonna feel bad pretty soon. There's probably other stuff you gotta do.
11:43 Griffin McElroy? Henry really enjoys the Animal Crossing Lego sets that have, uh, come out, and I do as well. Um, but he doesn't enjoy finishing them. And we have like a little table where we do a lot of our building of these littler sets. And it does look like the Animal Crossing Island has been, um, savaged by a terrible maelstrom. Uh, it does look like Tom Nook's shop, the roof is fucking gone. Um.
12:06 Travis McElroy? It's an infrastructure problem.
12:08 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, no, absolutely. It's an infrastructure problem that the island has been devastated and it's sad.
12:13 Travis McElroy? Justin, when that happens to me, I like to have a little pretend sesh with myself where I'm an industrial revolution worker in a factory. And oh, the foreman, who's my, one of my children, is gonna really get mad at me if I don't finish this Model T like today or whatever, right? And I gotta put it together. So it's not fun anymore, but I get to pretend.
12:36 Griffin McElroy? Is that not the narrative you have going on? I just assumed this was the narrative all parents had sort of going on in their head whenever they were doing something like gluing a toy's arm back on a guy that you know they're probably not gonna play with any, I gotta, I have to stand here and compress the arm. Now I'm doing medicine to this toy. I'm Doc McFucking Stuffins. I can't walk away from this patient now. They'll die on the table.
13:01 Travis McElroy? And every so often you get to like do a gem to an imaginary camera like you're on the office and you're like, hmm, worked, huh? Yeah, that's what parents do.
13:10 Griffin McElroy? Well, you guys tell me if I have too much likes.
13:12 Travis McElroy? You don't want us to be the gauge.
13:15 Griffin McElroy? No, this is what I'm saying. I think the three of us are the only ones capable of keeping each other honest about this stuff because we're all like way past. We're all way fucking past the, the edge, man. Like we're way deep in and if one of you, if you two come together and say, hey, Griffin, that Minas Tirith set, it pushed it over the edge and now you're like, that's huge, that's huge.
13:35 Travis McElroy? You feel like you can rep a Minas Tirith set? This is what I'm. This is what, this is where I, I don't think that I could. An adult Lego is a tribute of your life minutes, right? You said, here, I sacrificed myself to you, tiny, plastic game boy. Thank you for your, thank you for your shape of my life. If someone looks at that and they say like, damn, you must love Game Boy. I'd be like, yeah, man.
13:57 Griffin McElroy? You know what I think? You know what I think? And I think it's probably the.
14:00 Travis McElroy? I'm just saying from, from Lord of the Rings, there's so much.
14:04 Travis McElroy? Griffin knows what Minas Tirith is off the top of his head. So yeah, I think he's allowed.
14:08 Griffin McElroy? Most folks do, Travis. Most folks do. I would argue most folks know about Minas.
14:12 Travis McElroy? And plus Griffin played Fredo Baggins in the Lord of the Rings movies, so.
14:17 Griffin McElroy? That's true.
14:18 Travis McElroy? That's true.
14:19 Griffin McElroy? I actually played Frodo Saggins in the Lord of the Wang's movie.
14:25 Griffin McElroy? So this was my brief stint. As a subcore pornographic actor.
14:30 Travis McElroy? For a brassy for that, which is like a razzie for porn.
14:33 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, they call it a brassy and I was Robo Sagins, I think I said.
14:39 Travis McElroy? Yeah, it was actually Brazzers first brassy. So Griffin brought home the brass.
14:43 Griffin McElroy? And if you push, uh, and the ring, I guess would go on his wiener.
14:48 Travis McElroy? And Orlando Bloom was also in it.
14:50 Griffin McElroy? Orlando Bloom was in that. So was Sir Christopher Lee.
14:56 Griffin McElroy? So.
14:57 Travis McElroy? He played Saradong.
14:59 Griffin McElroy? That's pretty good. We could do this all day.
15:01 Travis McElroy? Saradong. Yeah. Now let's come up with more. Don't stop there.
15:05 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. Okay. Gandalf.
15:06 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
15:07 Griffin McElroy? Hey, I already did that one in a Taz, a Taz live show. Tom Bombadil. There's gotta be something there. Arab, Arab porn is nothing. Maybe there's not as many of these.
15:17 Travis McElroy? Say Arab porn and put a medal on yourself, but Tom Bombadil, Bill, Bill, Bill, Tom, Tom.
15:22 Travis McElroy? Bombadildo?
15:24 Travis McElroy? But it did change too much.
15:25 Travis McElroy? Bombadildo. Tom Bombadildo. Guys, Tom Bombadildo. Say it, say it.
15:32 Griffin McElroy? Wait, hold on, wait, wait. No, I don't know. It's, it's almost there.
15:39 Griffin McElroy? This is taking way too long.
15:40 Travis McElroy? Shut up, Griffin.
15:41 Travis McElroy? Tom.
15:44 Travis McElroy? BBL though.
15:46 Griffin McElroy? That's pretty good. Why do you add the dough? Why not just Tom BBL?
15:51 Travis McElroy? You're, I think dildo is crept in there too much.
15:53 Griffin McElroy? I think we'll put it to a poll. I think we'll put it in front of the focus group, but I do not want to do porn parodies of Lord of the Rings anymore because it is 2026 still.
16:02 Travis McElroy? That's true.
16:03 Griffin McElroy? It's been 2026 for.
16:04 Travis McElroy? Talk on a non-renewable resource that was almost certainly down.
16:07 Griffin McElroy? Remly.
16:08 Travis McElroy? Decades ago.
16:09 Griffin McElroy? Remly's good though.
16:14 Griffin McElroy? Remly Blowin is some, Remly Son of Blowin?
16:18 Travis McElroy? You can't just say the ones that you like.
16:21 Travis McElroy? Yeah, I can. That's my whole deal.
16:23 Griffin McElroy? Actually, we, yeah.
16:25 Travis McElroy? You can't just say the funny ones. Like then it's like, cause then it's, it's, uh, inauthentic.
16:30 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
16:31 Travis McElroy? It's dishonest. You don't need to be always say the funny ones.
16:34 Travis McElroy? It's just that I haven't thought about Lord of the Rings in a decade. And so the fact that I remembered Gimli at all.
16:39 Griffin McElroy? Think about Lord of the Rings.
16:41 Travis McElroy? Quick.
16:42 Travis McElroy? What's the age at which you will think, I'm gonna show my kids Lord of the Rings?
16:47 Griffin McElroy? I've thought about this question a lot, Justin, because I've actually rewatched these-
16:50 Travis McElroy? Oh god, imagine my surprise when you lean forward.
16:52 Griffin McElroy? See, I think that's your way of telling me I've gone too far. And I don't think we'd ever say to each other-
16:57 Travis McElroy? No, Justin has it gone far enough.
16:58 Griffin McElroy? Let me just, I think that we would never say to each other like, "Hey Trav, I'm worried about you." Because we grew up-
17:02 Travis McElroy? You guys have said that to me so many times. I will never communicate, look at me in the eyes.
17:06 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
17:07 Travis McElroy? I will never communicate something I want you to know with a microphone in front of me.
17:11 Griffin McElroy? Absolutely.
17:12 Travis McElroy? How's that for a-
17:13 Griffin McElroy? Okay, that's good to know where the wall is, uh, that's very, very good.
17:17 Travis McElroy? If you see this here?
17:18 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
17:19 Travis McElroy? I'm probably lying, you know what I mean? Like, that's-
17:22 Griffin McElroy? Those movies have approximately, if you take the whole runtime of like, the whole thing, well, say the non-extended editions, that's still like, 10 hours of film, and in that 10 hour of film, you see 12,000 orcs beheaded. That's a tough hang, I think, for a kid.
17:39 Travis McElroy? It's a tough hang.
17:40 Griffin McElroy? It's a tough hang for a kid.
17:41 Travis McElroy? You're very scary.
17:42 Griffin McElroy? They get beheaded a lot, and they're nasty. They talk about eating guys, they try to eat guys.
17:47 Travis McElroy? It does help with the scariness, perhaps, when you see how easy they have to pop off.
17:52 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, man.
17:54 Travis McElroy? Woo!
17:55 Griffin McElroy? No problem. And I tell you, the only thing Henry knows about these films is the scene where fucking Gandalf and Saruman have their wizard fight, and you see two old men breakdancing, uh, having a battle in a marble tower. And I remember seeing that as a kid, not knowing fucking anything about this franchise, and seeing that, and being like, "That's really fucking funny. Why is that in this pic? Why are these two old wizard men breakdance battling? This is crazy."
18:19 Travis McElroy? If you wait too long to expose your kid to these iconic landmarks, then meme culture will back them into it. Like, I'm so afraid my kid's whole understanding of Star Wars is permanently set up by baby Yoda eating chicken nuggets. Like, that's the first thing that they understood about Star Wars, is like, "Oh yeah, chicken nuggets is a big part of that whole franchise."
18:39 Griffin McElroy? You take them to see Grogu's Mandalorian, and they're gonna be waiting for the nuggets to show up the whole time. I can pretty much guarantee you that that's not gonna happen, because they do not sell those at any of the Star Wars-
18:52 Travis McElroy? Well, Griffin, I tell you what's not gonna happen is that any of that situation, because if I brought my kids, my kids love the baby Yoda.
19:02 Griffin McElroy? Oh, wow.
19:02 Travis McElroy? Cooper loves Grogu. Loves Grogu. If I brought Cooper into a movie theater and made her sit still in the dark for two hours and watch baby Yoda, she would punch me square off in the nose, and I would deserve it. And I would deserve it. That movie is two hours and 12 minutes long. Don't bring your kids to see it.
19:20 Griffin McElroy? No songs that we know of. We can't actually talk about-
19:24 Travis McElroy? If the Gro- Yeah, we can't talk about-
19:26 Griffin McElroy? We can't do Grogu two weeks in a row, else people are gonna suspect it's some sort of, uh, secret activation that we got.
19:32 Travis McElroy? Yeah, fuck it.
19:32 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, fucking right.
19:34 Travis McElroy? I would love it, though. Hey, movies, movies. If you're making a movie I wanna see, if every 10 minutes you could have a musical number, it doesn't have to have anything to do with the story. Just a musical number every 10 minutes to kind of break up the movie I wanna see with a movie my kids would watch. You did that great with K-pop Demon Hunters.
19:54 Griffin McElroy? You didn't make- oh, man, you know who fucking crushed it was my boy Shrek. You'd be watching Shrek, and you're like, this is a lot of exposition, and then it'd be like, then I saw her face. It's like, okay, damn, damn, damn. Awesome. Thanks, Smash Mouth.
20:06 Travis McElroy? More of that, please.
20:08 Griffin McElroy? We have to do an advice question. I love talking about this stuff with you guys.
20:11 Travis McElroy? Okay, I'd love to. Then just wait, and I'll do it. And another thing. I've been working at a production company for two months now. This weekend, we're having a rap party at a bowling alley. I've been bowling since I was 10 years old. I have my own ball and shoes, and I would say I'm better than the average bowler if I could toot my own horn. Is this too intensive an energy to bring to a work party? I'm a fairly new hire, and I work in post-production, so not a lot of people there might have only seen me in passing or don't know me at all at this point. That's from Brave Little Bowler in Bethlehem, and what a good question.
20:43 Griffin McElroy? And what a good name.
20:45 Travis McElroy? What a good name, what a good question. It's the most- I think it's a real tightrope on this one. Cause you don't wanna like, slow play it too much and seem like, uh, like a hustler, right?
20:56 Griffin McElroy? Don't lie, yeah.
20:57 Travis McElroy? But you also don't wanna comment and be like, "Watch this," right? Like...
21:01 Griffin McElroy? Okay, that's assuming that the vibe at this, uh, post-production rap party is going to be exceedingly competitive. I think in this exact circumstance, we all, uh, the three of us have a team, we work with a team of people, uh, who help us make all of our stuff, and they are incredible, and we all live remotely. I don't think any one of us lives in the same city as another person. So that time for FaceTime, it is somewhat limited to certain live shows, or, or whatever. If we did a bowling party and it turned out that one of us was secretly fucking dope at bowling, that would be so, the lore expansion would be huge, that would be incredible.
21:39 Travis McElroy? What if it was like, the most recent person we hired?
21:44 Griffin McElroy? Awesome.
21:45 Travis McElroy? And you're still trying to, okay, but wait, you're still trying to form a mental picture of that person? And then it's like, bowling.
21:52 Griffin McElroy? And Griffin-
21:53 Travis McElroy? Yeah, it's like their, their brand is bowling. Your brand is bowling.
21:58 Travis McElroy? I think you're missing the point of the question as well, ditto. It's not like, the question is the intro, how to introduce the skill level in the way that leads to awesome, right?
22:11 Travis McElroy? I beg of you, please do not try to say it beforehand.
22:14 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
22:14 Travis McElroy? You will go into the gutter on your first one and you will quit. You will quit your job. You'll say, "Hey, just a heads up for everybody, I'm pretty fucking good at bowling." Hoo-gong, out. Well, thanks. This has been fun. I'll clean out my desk.
22:29 Travis McElroy? My question, my question is, is the introducing of your own bowling ball, your personal bowling ball, kind of making that statement for you?
22:38 Griffin McElroy? That's all you need, yeah.
22:39 Travis McElroy? That's, yeah. But that's like, I wouldn't do that, I don't think. Cause then if you bring, you're like, "Don't worry, I brought my own ball." Hoo-gong, well, I'm out.
22:50 Griffin McElroy? That's what I'm saying.
22:51 Travis McElroy? Thanks, everybody.
22:52 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
22:52 Travis McElroy? I just bought it today.
22:54 Griffin McElroy? I just wanted to-
22:55 Travis McElroy? Today and it's my hand broke with the Ah, that's two in a row. Bye. Thank you so much.
23:01 Griffin McElroy? I quit.
23:01 Travis McElroy? This has been great. I quit again. What if people think that you're not part of the company? You are instead a very good bowler that won't leave them alone.
23:10 Griffin McElroy? A ringer. Yeah.
23:11 Travis McElroy? Always a concern.
23:13 Griffin McElroy? Man, it must be cool to be into bowling and then you get to like have your own bowling ball. How much you guys think one of those mystery men bowling ball with the skull inside of it goes for?
23:22 Travis McElroy? Seven hundred and fifty two dollars.
23:24 Griffin McElroy? Travis, print that off. Travis, print me a mystery man bowling ball. Print me a usable mystery man bowling ball.
23:30 Travis McElroy? Okay, but you have, you have to provide the skull.
23:33 Travis McElroy? Quick Etsy search for mystery men bowling ball.
23:36 Griffin McElroy? And I want it to be remote controlled. I want to be able to fly around and like smash bad guys and stuff.
23:40 Travis McElroy? Search practical use.
23:44 Travis McElroy? Oh, man. Oh, gosh. You want to send the wild? Yeah. They mass produced them apparently according to Reddit.
23:48 Griffin McElroy? Unsurprising. Yeah.
23:49 Travis McElroy? Yeah. And like after the movie came out, they might be on eBay.
23:53 Travis McElroy? But I can't find a glowing piece of the radical rock from Guts. I can't find a Guts trophy to save my goddamn life.
23:59 Griffin McElroy? I suspect they keep the, they say, and you'll take this home and you don't fucking take it. They give you a voucher for like eighty bucks or something adjusted for like nineteen ninety six money. I think you have one chance. I, I can't stop thinking about this as anything other than an opportunity to cement your legend in the company. And if you, you do have an opportunity to say not, by the way, I'm really fucking good at bowling. And then what if you hit a strike, right? Like my mind doesn't jump to like, what if you fail really bad? It's like, what if you allow yourself to succeed? And you do that, you're all of a sudden a sort of a made person at this company. You're the one who did the coolest fucking bowling thing ever. You just have to think of the right thing to say because we're not going to come up with it.
24:41 Travis McElroy? No, here's what it is.
24:42 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. Oh.
24:43 Travis McElroy? I think you don't talk about your level of skill. You talk about, if you say, I've been bowling since I was ten. Right? Then it informs like a level of practice without making any promise of level of skill.
24:58 Griffin McElroy? Yes. I've been doing it for, for fifteen years and I've been bad always.
25:06 Travis McElroy? Yes.
25:07 Griffin McElroy? But I can't get enough of throwing this heavy stone.
25:10 Travis McElroy? But I, yeah, I got drunk and bought this bowling ball on the internet.
25:15 Griffin McElroy? I fucking suck at hitting the pins, but I love crinkle cut french fries.
25:21 Travis McElroy? They are so good.
25:22 Travis McElroy? I have a plan and it's a, I think it's foolproof, but I want you guys to help me troubleshoot it. Okay. You walk up and you gotta make sure your boss is out there, right? Our boss is out there and you say, hey, boss, I just wanted to apologize. And they're like, for what? And then you say, it's my first week on the job. And then you throw the ball, you hit all the pins down and you say, and I'm already on strike. And then you walk, walk away, right?
25:47 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
25:48 Travis McElroy? Now, why is this a foolproof plan? Because there are failure points at which you can change the plan.
25:54 Griffin McElroy? Interesting. Okay.
25:55 Travis McElroy? So here's what you say, hey, you say your boss.
25:58 Griffin McElroy? Can we start with what if you walk out there and the boss isn't there? So that's a failure point, maybe.
26:02 Travis McElroy? So you wait, you stand there.
26:03 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, you just stand still and wait like.
26:06 Travis McElroy? It's still like, and then if you say, so you say like, I just want to say I'm sorry.
26:10 Griffin McElroy? You're like holding the ball like.
26:11 Travis McElroy? And they show up, you're like, I just want to say I'm sorry. If you whiff it, then it's like, I farted.
26:17 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. Oh, nice. So that part I think I use a little, I think you know that that part needs some work. I think you thought that there was gonna be a thing to say there that would be normal and cool. And then you realize like suddenly like you needed something to apologize for.
26:30 Travis McElroy? I've been embezzling.
26:32 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
26:32 Travis McElroy? I mean, that, that one's bad too, but Travis has made me worse, right, Griff?
26:35 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, Travis is worse for sure.
26:37 Travis McElroy? I was trying to make Justin look good. Thanks for throwing me onto the bus, Justin. I was trying to help you out if you're dumb farting one.
26:44 Griffin McElroy? You volunteer for that. He made sure that the bus went right over you to give him maximum looking good.
26:49 Travis McElroy? He grabbed the wheel and steered towards me.
26:51 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, Charlie problem.
26:54 Travis McElroy? Okay. So a different apology, like if, if the boss comes up and they have a bowling ball also that is personalized. This is another failure point that you can clock. If the boss comes up and you're like, hey, boss, I'm sorry. And then that's when they pull out their orb. That's like big boss, CEO, gold. Then it's like, I'm sorry that I just.
27:16 Griffin McElroy? Does it say gold? Does it say big boss CEO gold or is?
27:18 Travis McElroy? I just pissed my pants.
27:19 Griffin McElroy? Oh, okay.
27:20 Travis McElroy? I just pissed my pants.
27:20 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, I'm sorry. I pissed my.
27:21 Travis McElroy? I'm sorry.
27:22 Griffin McElroy? So it seems like the exact thing, it seemed like the exact same thing just happened to you again, Juice. Where you were like, maybe if I talk for a while, an idea will come. But then you got to the end of a lot of talking and you're like, I guess I pissed my pants.
27:33 Travis McElroy? You say.
27:36 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
27:36 Griffin McElroy? Talk for longer. If you talk for longer, the idea will come to you. I promise you.
27:41 Travis McElroy? Yeah. Yeah. It's sometimes you say, you're saying, I pissed my pants before you realize it.
27:48 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. You could, is there a way of doing it? And if it goes in the gutter, be like, I'm sorry that went in the gutter. I'm sorry I didn't do better.
27:57 Travis McElroy? I wish, I'm sorry.
27:59 Travis McElroy? I disappointed you.
28:00 Griffin McElroy? I'm sorry I disappointed you, Dad.
28:03 Travis McElroy? I'm sorry, that was the wrong lane.
28:05 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. And then if you strike it and you turn, that part's set in stone. You're gonna say, I'm already on strike. Or is that a potential sort of, if you turn after hitting the strike and you realize like, actually, this isn't the moment. The conditions here are actually pretty great and.
28:21 Travis McElroy? The other failure point, the other failure point that is probably most likely is they miss the first thing. And then you come back and you go to deliver the punchline and they're looking at their phone. So in that case, I, that is, I need a plan for that, too, I think.
28:38 Travis McElroy? Because then they would just hear, I'm going on strike. And that, the miscommunication possibility there is quite high.
28:46 Travis McElroy? They may miss the strike and then you just say like, I quit.
28:50 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. You, you, you can't fool me. I'm sticking to the union. Uh, I, I, collective bargaining, I love it. I love it. It's great. I don't think you can just be, do one guy. Like, I don't think you can just be one guy and be like, and by the way, never gonna get, because I do think it's sort of like, they, that it's better if there's more people.
29:11 Travis McElroy? Collective bargaining does imply that they're a collective.
29:14 Griffin McElroy? Is a collection of some, of some sort.
29:16 Travis McElroy? Yeah. Once you hit the strike and you say, it's my first week and I'm already on strike, then you do have to turn to the other employees and try to get them on your side. Yeah. Stay to walk out, you know?
29:25 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
29:26 Travis McElroy? I guess you could turn around and be like, or should I say, we're on strike? And the hope is that they're so impressed by your strike that they're like, we'll follow you anywhere, King.
29:34 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
29:34 Travis McElroy? Let's turn this place around.
29:35 Griffin McElroy? I'm the boss now.
29:36 Travis McElroy? And then they all step up and throw like concurrent strikes.
29:40 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
29:40 Travis McElroy? They all go on strike too. That'd be cool. Got to practice a little bit ahead of time, but.
29:44 Travis McElroy? I think more labor dispute should be solved with bowling tournaments.
29:48 Griffin McElroy? I agree. I think, I think, I think the unions would probably get way more wins in that case. I don't know. That's just me.
29:58 Travis McElroy? I was in a work meeting with my supervisor and three other coworkers today. At one point, I was adjusting my seat by lifting myself up on my hand rests. In doing so, my adjustable armrest slid all the way forward quickly, making a fairly loud sound. My supervisor mid-conversation said, "Oh, excuse you." I panicked and didn't know how to respond and didn't say anything. Then the meeting continued on as normal. Brothers, how can I recover from my supervisor and coworkers thinking I farted? For some context, the call was with my supervisor, two coworkers and an HR rep to discuss how we communicated reorg at our company to direct reports. We were on a Teams call with our cameras on. That's from the squeak suspect.
30:37 Griffin McElroy? I tell you, man, when these, when these like company folks like start talking, start talking about this stuff, I can't even understand it. Teams, HR rep, supervisor, like I start to see these word, call.
30:50 Travis McElroy? Chair.
30:51 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
30:52 Travis McElroy? Armrest.
30:53 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, I can't communicate reorg, come on, like come on, I don't know, man.
30:59 Travis McElroy? I don't think they thought you farted. And here's my justification for that. If they honestly did, I don't think anyone would say, "Oh, excuse you," out loud, right? I think that's a thing, your armrest made a funny noise and they were maybe being a little silly, maybe being a little like teenager giving you a hard time. But I don't think anybody hears a noise, thinks someone farted and their impulse in a professional call with an HR rep on the call is to loudly announce, "Oh, excuse you."
31:36 Travis McElroy? Yeah, well, I would say Travis has tamped that situation down nicely.
31:41 Griffin McElroy? Well, I think that there's a deeper.
31:43 Travis McElroy? No, I think, no, no, no. I think Travis is right.
31:46 Travis McElroy? Well, I was looking at the time, Justin, it's about time to head into the money zone. So I wanted to give us a nice first pitch homerun.
31:53 Travis McElroy? Shouldn't we just try to do jokes, you know, like just try to make like a joke about it?
31:58 Travis McElroy? You talk more about pissing your pants in the bowling alley, Justin, please.
32:01 Griffin McElroy? By all means.
32:02 Travis McElroy? We can undermine the premise of the question that you yourself included, but it does, it does seem to be on odds.
32:07 Travis McElroy? It's different Travis. That's question selection Travis. He doesn't think of jokes. He's barely thinking at all. He's on autopilot, looking for opportunities to make his brothers look good. I'm sorry, I pissed my pants.
32:21 Griffin McElroy? When Travis picks these questions, he gets in a big tub of goo like in Minority Report and he's just like fucking like it's pure subconscious energy and then they show up in the show and.
32:33 Travis McElroy? Yeah, but if somebody's like, so tells this protracted story about a raccoon that came to their porch and stole all of their vegetables and then ran off and they don't know how to tell their neighbor. I'm hooked. And we're like, I don't think you saw a raccoon. Then it's like, well, what are we doing here? You know, we gotta.
32:50 Griffin McElroy? Let's pretend, let's pretend that there was a loud rude fart sound. Hold on, wait, we can settle this right now.
32:58 Travis McElroy? Just like.
32:58 Travis McElroy? Pretend they farted.
33:00 Griffin McElroy? I don't, mine doesn't.
33:01 Travis McElroy? Trav, make a fart noise with your chair.
33:05 Griffin McElroy? Mine is like very mechanical.
33:08 Travis McElroy? I feel like I'm in Flight of the Navigator.
33:11 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, dude.
33:12 Travis McElroy? I'm doing it.
33:14 Griffin McElroy? Okay, so mine, mine can.
33:16 Travis McElroy? So I saw me, sorry, sidebar, Sly told me he um saw somebody doing an armpit fart on the street last week and it really took him back. He's like, I completely forgot about armpit farts. He's like, it's like seeing somebody do pogs. It's just like, wow, armpit farts, I forgot.
33:30 Griffin McElroy? I think everybody hits a day with armpit farts. They think like, I don't want to touch my nude armpit. Like, yeah. I'm good. It's either got BO on it or it's got deodorant on it. Either way, I'm not eager to get in there.
33:44 Griffin McElroy? Farts. Travis, you do a podcast. You're married to a polite person. You're having a field day with that fucking chair.
33:52 Travis McElroy? I forgot my, my chair almost could do that.
33:54 Griffin McElroy? Oh dude, mine has so many vertices of adjustment that I set two years ago and haven't touched since. I can't.
34:00 Travis McElroy? It's a classic problem with any chair that you have with adjustable settings like that. You may go through it the first time, be like,
34:06 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
34:06 Travis McElroy? How do I make it, you know, it's because you're not trying to make it comfortable because you've already decided that that's wrong.
34:12 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
34:12 Travis McElroy? Because comfort has gotten you into that back pain position. So it's like, okay, you tell me, right? And then you just forget. All these buttons do. It is that.
34:19 Griffin McElroy? Why am I so sore?
34:20 Travis McElroy? It's that utopian ideal, though, of I always assume be it an adjustable seat in the car, adjustable seat in my bed, that there is an arrangement of pieces that if I sat down would put me at body neutral, right? Where I'd stand up. It's not like I feel comfortable, but I'm also not hurting myself.
34:39 Griffin McElroy? I need a tailor. I need a tailor to sit like.
34:41 Travis McElroy? No limbs, no head. Just like floating.
34:44 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
34:45 Travis McElroy? You know what I mean?
34:45 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
34:46 Travis McElroy? Just.
34:46 Griffin McElroy? You're L in the tank.
34:47 Travis McElroy? Connection.
34:48 Griffin McElroy? Just in the zone.
34:49 Travis McElroy? L in the tank. That's how I want to connect. No more mouse and keyboard. Put me in the tank like L. Put me in the tank.
34:59 Griffin McElroy? I just.
34:59 Travis McElroy? Put me in the tank like L. Papa. Papa. Keyboard. I gotta record a podcast, Papa. Put me in the tank.
35:09 Travis McElroy? Papa.
35:11 Griffin McElroy? Do you, does one excuse a fart? This is with a question I've been trying to ask for about six minutes now, and I hate, because.
35:18 Travis McElroy? They're the bad guy.
35:19 Griffin McElroy? When you sneeze, you, and it's expected that the other person says bless you. If you burp, if you do a little polite burp, I think saying, oh, excuse me, that is on you. I feel like of- of phlebotis is you gotta, everybody just kind of pretends like they didn't hear it.
35:33 Travis McElroy? It's gotta be instant self gaslight, instant self gaslighting.
35:36 Griffin McElroy? You seek forgiveness.
35:38 Travis McElroy? I didn't hear a fart.
35:39 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
35:39 Travis McElroy? I didn't hear anything. I, you have to ignore that it happened. Like, you instantly start trying to, the only adult thing to do is to instantly disabuse yourself of the notion that you heard a fart.
35:48 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
35:49 Travis McElroy? And become casual in a very calculated way.
35:51 Griffin McElroy? Mm-hmm.
35:52 Travis McElroy? Then make a completely unrelated comment.
35:54 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
35:55 Travis McElroy? Hmm. Any more lemon cream?
35:57 Griffin McElroy? I wanted to make sure we were on the.
35:58 Travis McElroy? Cream in the pot?
36:00 Griffin McElroy? I wanted to make sure we were on the same page.
36:02 Travis McElroy? Hmm. We're all comfortable in this moment, aren't we? Yeah. Any more lemon curd in the pot?
36:08 Griffin McElroy? What is this situation you're in where that you've had a?
36:11 Travis McElroy? There's to, I brought toasts and scalds for everyone.
36:13 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
36:15 Griffin McElroy? You're at the Mad Hatter's tea party and you.
36:17 Travis McElroy? I just am changing the subject, Grum.
36:18 Griffin McElroy? More like tea party.
36:23 Griffin McElroy? Should we go to the mindset?
36:25 Travis McElroy? Yeah, we deserve it.
36:36 Travis McElroy? I had to make a website recently. You guys know what I did?
36:39 Travis McElroy? What? No, you probably spent like, I don't know, months on it and it turned out.
36:43 Travis McElroy? No, it was not a public website. It was a website that I needed to get some thoughts organized. And I thought the best way of doing this is to build a website with Squarespace. Because we've been talking about how easy it is and how you can make something that looks great. It is a really, really wonderful experience that is even better than the last time that I did it. They have fantastic templates created by the best designers in the business, which I've told you before, but seeing it in person, putting your hands on these iFrames.
37:10 Travis McElroy? Yeah, dude.
37:11 Travis McElroy? It's an emotional experience.
37:12 Travis McElroy? Well, slow down because this is the first time I'm hearing about this, Justin. What is it?
37:15 Travis McElroy? Yeah, Trav.
37:17 Travis McElroy? They, have you ever been to a website like Exxon.com?
37:21 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
37:22 Travis McElroy? Every day. Have you ever been to a website like Exxon.com or GeoCities.com/sunsetsstrip/studios/1960?
37:31 Travis McElroy? Yeah, yeah.
37:32 Travis McElroy? Okay, well, those are websites that are made by people. But what Squarespace does is they're like, it is, it is a, an assistant that comes to you and says, you don't, you don't know what you're doing, but I will help you. Give me your ideas and we'll, we'll do this together. We'll make a beautiful website. That's what Squarespace is. And right now, if you head to Squarespace.com/MyBrother for a free trial, when you're ready to launch, you can use offer code MYBROTHER to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.
38:00 Travis McElroy? I want to tell you guys about trees. You heard about these things? I trust you. You're gonna love these things. I, uh, I am a very pleased and proud fastgrowingtrees.com customer. Um, I have a lemon tree growing in my office and recently we went over to my in-laws' house for a meal and I brought a lemon cake that I made with one of the lemons that grew off that tree. It was wonderful and I bragged about it a lot. Maybe too much? It's hard to say, but I grew my own lemon.
38:36 Griffin McElroy? When you got lemon, that fucking dank dude, like you gotta, you gotta show that off.
38:41 Travis McElroy? When you grow your own lemon? Are you kidding? Now, it was just one lemon at the time. It's a small tree, but I was still very proud of it.
38:47 Griffin McElroy? Big ass lemon though dude, this lemon was walking huge.
38:49 Travis McElroy? Don't undersell this lemon dude, this lemon was the size of my head. It was a big ass lemon. It was gigantic. Yeah, I was very proud of it. And did you know that Fast Growing Trees is America's largest and most trusted online nursery with thousands of trees and plants? And over 2 million happy customers, of which I am one. They have all the plants your yard or home needs, including fruit trees, privacy trees, flowering trees, shrubs, and houseplants. It's like your local nursery, but anywhere you live with more plants than you'll find anywhere else, all curated for your climate. Which is wonderful. By the way, I live in Ohio and stuff changes here all the time. It's really hard to find like the right planting zone.
39:27 Griffin McElroy? Tell me about it dude.
39:29 Travis McElroy? Yes. Plus with their Alive and Thrive Guarantee and ongoing support from trained plant experts, you can plant and grow with confidence. Um, I have an indoor lemon tree in my office and I have, uh, I think it's called a red bud growing in my front yard. Um, both of them absolutely thriving and both of them from fastgrowingtrees.com. I'm very proud of them. I love, uh, knowing that I control nature like a god. It's why I have so many plants, because it makes me feel powerful.
40:01 Griffin McElroy? Right, right.
40:02 Travis McElroy? Yeah. So now's the perfect time to plant. They have great deals on spring planting essentials, up to half off on select plants. And listeners to our show get 20% off their first purchase when using the code MYBROTHER at checkout. That's fastgrowingtrees.com code MYBROTHER, all one word. Offer is valid for a limited time. Terms and conditions may apply.
40:25 Speaker 04 Pokemon, Insecure, Love Island, Paramore. What do all these things have in common? Black people love them. That's where Black People Love Paramore comes in. We're a pop culture podcast taking a funny look at the common and sometimes very uncommon things black people love. From asking why so many black kids were secretly emo to debating whether Beyonce is underrated. Hint, she is. We're getting into all the things that make us feel a little bit more seen. Get it? And yes, everybody's invited, no matter your niche, we have room for you. Listen to Black People Love Paramore on MaximumFun.org and wherever you get your podcasts.
41:09 Travis McElroy? Hello?
41:10 Speaker 05 Hello, I'm calling on behalf of the Beef and Dairy Network Podcast.
41:13 Travis McElroy? No, I'm sorry, no sales calls, goodbye.
41:15 Speaker 05 It's a multi-award winning podcast featuring guests such as Ted Danson, Nick Offerman, Josie Long.
41:19 Travis McElroy? I don't know what a Josie Long is, and anyway, I'm about to take my mother into town to see Phantom of the Opera at last. You are wasting my time, and even worse, my mother's time. She only has so much time left. She's 98 years old, she's only expected to live for another 20 or 30 years. Mother, get your shoes on. Yes, the orthopedic ones, I don't want to have to carry you home again, do I?
41:38 Speaker 05 Right, well, if you were looking for a podcast.
41:39 Travis McElroy? Mother, you're not wearing that, are you? It's very revealing, mother. This is musical theatre, not a Parisian bordello.
41:46 Speaker 05 Simply go to MaximumFun.org.
41:48 Travis McElroy? I'm reaching for my Samsung Galaxy 4 as we speak. Mother! Mother, not that hat!
41:54 Travis McElroy? Griffin Lego has a Curse of the Black Pearl ship from Pirates of the Caribbean with the crew. It's $500, and I don't know if I can justify it, Griffin. A Goonies set?
42:07 Griffin McElroy? It's on Lego for $379. It's 2,800 pieces, that's child's play, you could fucking knock that out.
42:14 Travis McElroy? Ooh, I like the Shire one, too.
42:16 Travis McElroy? I'm assuming it's just potted back up at some point during this. Da la la la la.
42:21 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
42:21 Travis McElroy? Da la la la la.
42:23 Griffin McElroy? Awesome.
42:23 Travis McElroy? Da la la la la la la la la la.
42:27 Travis McElroy? I want a much squad.
42:31 Travis McElroy? I want to munch squad.
42:36 Travis McElroy? Welcome to munch squad as much, you know, Rachel, as much of that stuff of them talking about that. I think that's beautiful tapestry, guys. That's the real content and I don't want to lose that in the edit.
42:46 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
42:46 Travis McElroy? So if we could just try to preserve as much of that. Rachel, if there was any of that conversation while I was in the bathroom that didn't have like bank details or anything. If you could just make sure we preserve that.
42:56 Griffin McElroy? The real stuff.
42:57 Travis McElroy? I don't want to lose any of it. Uh, I'm not a woman.
43:01 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
43:02 Travis McElroy? And I want to make that clear.
43:05 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
43:05 Travis McElroy? That I'm not making any judgments about our first story. We have two stories for you on the munch squad podcast within a podcast, which profile is the latest and greatest in brand eating. Our first is that it is for is a celebration of women's health month.
43:23 Travis McElroy? And it's then the, it starts with this, you glow girl.
43:26 Griffin McElroy? Awesome.
43:26 Travis McElroy? You glow, you glow girl.
43:28 Griffin McElroy? You glow girl, you glow girl. Is there any punctuation in there that you can sort of?
43:31 Travis McElroy? You glow comma girl exclamation point. Playa Bowls is introducing mermaids and, and that is capital S, capital Z, capital N. One fun thing that you could do when you encounter slang in press releases is Google it with the, and then append Reddit to it. Cause then you can find a Reddit post from nine years ago where someone says, what's going on with Sizzen?
43:56 Travis McElroy? So Playa way on trend with this one Sizzen, it's mermaid Sizzen during women's health month. It's a new line of four smoothies and bowls that bring together two defining elements of the brand.
44:09 Griffin McElroy? For women.
44:09 Travis McElroy? Functional feel, for women. Functional feel good ingredients and visually striking creations. The menu blends collagen peptides and blue spirulina, a protein rich antioxidant packed superfood.
44:21 Griffin McElroy? Wait, did you say blue? But not the blue, certainly not the blue spirulina.
44:26 Travis McElroy? They just.
44:26 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
44:27 Travis McElroy? But that's the best for women.
44:29 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
44:29 Travis McElroy? It's got mermaid worthy menu items with naturally bold colors and tropical flavors. This true star of mermaids is mermaid mood bowl featuring a Nutella drizzle and.
44:42 Travis McElroy? Seashell treat. For your health.
44:44 Travis McElroy? I don't know.
44:45 Griffin McElroy? For the health, for a woman's healthy body in mind.
44:48 Travis McElroy? For a woman's health, there's a seashell treat for you. Dear. Dear.
44:52 Griffin McElroy? It looks like just a big chocolate seashell.
44:54 Travis McElroy? Yeah, I bought you a large bowl of ice cream and a seashell treat.
44:58 Travis McElroy? Have you had your seashell treat today? It will prevent your uterus from moving about your body.
45:04 Travis McElroy? Doctor says your uterus gets rambunctious without your seashell treat.
45:11 Travis McElroy? Doctor's orders, now have some.
45:12 Travis McElroy? Doctor's orders. The bowl, the bowl blend, oh my god, the bowl blends playa pataia and playa coconut bases swirled with blue spirulina to create a flavorful mix of blue, pink, and soft purple tones reminiscent of ocean waters where mermaids thrive.
45:33 Griffin McElroy? Like you women like.
45:35 Travis McElroy? Like you women like.
45:37 Griffin McElroy? The ocean waters, that's like saying like the ocean is where fish thrive. No, it's just where they live. It's like they don't have another option. Certainly they don't thrive on land, I guess, or in the sky.
45:50 Travis McElroy? It's also ignoring your freshwater nymphs. You know what I mean?
45:53 Griffin McElroy? Sure.
45:54 Travis McElroy? Biting into the chocolate hazelnut shell reveals a rich gooey center, a small indulgence worthy of every mermaid at heart.
46:02 Griffin McElroy? Great.
46:03 Travis McElroy? Yeah, they've also got a mango. I bet. We haven't checked it, but I bet chocolate's poisonous to mermaids.
46:09 Travis McElroy? I'm just betting.
46:10 Griffin McElroy? There's no way.
46:11 Travis McElroy? But.
46:12 Griffin McElroy? Why would they have that in the ocean? There's no fucking way they're like immune system, their gut, macrobiotics or whatever are like ready for a big chocolate seashell.
46:21 Travis McElroy? If they had the courage of their convictions, this treat would just be like a raw fish. That's what mermaids eat. They're not eating this playa mix of stuff. They're eating a fish head.
46:34 Travis McElroy? It's a base infused with collagen peptides to support glowing skin, hair and nails, layered with fresh strawberry and banana, then topped with chia seeds and a dollop of cocoa whip. Light and satisfying, it's designed to deliver that glow from within feeling, which I think is a fun way of describing, hey, about a quarter pound of chia is just ripping through me like a freight train.
46:57 Travis McElroy? Oh, I'm glowing from within.
46:59 Travis McElroy? Oh, glowing from within, I can feel it. I literally feel every seed.
47:05 Travis McElroy? Oh.
47:06 Travis McElroy? So undigested, are they? Mermaid Susan is all about supporting our important mermaids during Women's Health Month. I'm with flavor feel, beautiful and functionally beneficial meals that you can only find at Playa Bowls.
47:22 Travis McElroy? They've bought into the mermaid messaging so much that it's starting to sound like it's not for humans.
47:29 Travis McElroy? Yeah. Yeah. Details like the seashell on our mermaid mood bowl and cocoa whip swirls are designed to be discovered and enjoyed. They're adding a playful distinctive moment for guests. They're designed to be discovered and enjoyed. They are so fucking horny for this one chocolate shell, huh?
47:51 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
47:51 Travis McElroy? Yeah, we did it. We did it. We put one little chocolate shell in there.
47:55 Travis McElroy? Yeah, it's in there. Keep looking. You're gonna love this shit.
47:59 Travis McElroy? You're gonna love this shit, dum dum. You mean, you like your seeking finer games? Here you go, mommy.
48:05 Travis McElroy? Find the chocolate shell.
48:08 Travis McElroy? The other, this is better. This is more important news, guys. This is the big story.
48:13 Travis McElroy? Can we, can I just real quick, before we hop off that story?
48:16 Travis McElroy? Oh, I'd love to talk about that, because, all right, wait, real quick, are you guys women? Because I don't want to judge this women's health offering.
48:23 Travis McElroy? It is the, it's the you glow girl thing that I want to return back to because it.
48:28 Travis McElroy? Wow, the very first words of it.
48:29 Travis McElroy? It made me wonder about sort of.
48:32 Griffin McElroy? There's a couple of interpretations of that based on like, obviously it's like second person, but is it like a, an imperative, or is it sort of just like a description?
48:44 Travis McElroy? It is a command.
48:44 Griffin McElroy? Of the press, okay.
48:45 Travis McElroy? I thought it was an observation.
48:47 Griffin McElroy? That applies to you go girl as well. I'm realizing now because I think my whole life I've always heard that as like a, like a command sentence, like you better, you better go girl, but it could also be a simple kind of declarative, like you are one who goes, girl.
49:04 Travis McElroy? You could say, yeah, it could be like, I want to remain in the same place that you are at, girl.
49:09 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
49:10 Travis McElroy? But I no longer wish to be in your presence.
49:12 Griffin McElroy? Hmm.
49:12 Travis McElroy? You go, girl.
49:13 Griffin McElroy? That's another take on it.
49:15 Travis McElroy? You should be the one.
49:16 Griffin McElroy? This is a girl who goes. And so to describe that, I will say, you go, you go, girl.
49:24 Travis McElroy? Now, what about Yu-Gi-Oh, girl?
49:26 Griffin McElroy? Ooh.
49:27 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
49:29 Travis McElroy? Sounds funny, but doesn't mean anything.
49:31 Griffin McElroy? Well, if one of you.
49:32 Travis McElroy? No, it sounds together, but isn't it a joke?
49:34 Griffin McElroy? Let's just do, we'll just do.
49:35 Travis McElroy? Authority say no.
49:35 Griffin McElroy? Blue Eyes White Dragon, fucking the one that you build with the five hearts and then it kills everything.
49:41 Travis McElroy? Can I move on?
49:42 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, please.
49:43 Travis McElroy? This, cause this, this story is important. And this, I, that's gonna feel pretty silly for stopping listening to the podcast with this one.
49:51 Griffin McElroy? Does Burger King have more Batman commemorative frosted glass mugs?
49:55 Travis McElroy? Oh.
49:55 Griffin McElroy? Is that what we're about to get into? Cause.
49:57 Travis McElroy? No.
49:58 Griffin McElroy? Shit.
49:58 Travis McElroy? I want to talk to you about the freestyle mini.
50:01 Griffin McElroy? The what?
50:02 Travis McElroy? The freestyle mini.
50:03 Griffin McElroy? That actually took my breath away.
50:05 Travis McElroy? It's a new, everyone knows the freestyle machine is the one good piece of technology from the past 10 years.
50:11 Griffin McElroy? The only one, yeah.
50:12 Travis McElroy? We are the only good techno, name another one.
50:17 Griffin McElroy? The freestyle soda.
50:18 Travis McElroy? So the only, the only good technology of the past 10 years is the Coca-Cola freestyle machine. And now it's getting a next generation update. I'm gonna read to you some things from this press release that you're gonna think I'm making up, but I swear to God, I swear to God, everything I'm about to read is real.
50:37 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
50:38 Travis McElroy? 140 years since 19, uh, sorry, since 1886, the Coca-Cola company has been at the forefront of dispensed beverages. 140 years later, the company is redefining the space once again with modular connected equipment that translates consumer trends into drinks faster than ever before.
50:57 Griffin McElroy? Ooh.
50:58 Travis McElroy? Okay, so when Freestyle launched, the headline was variety, right? You could go to a Freestyle machine, you push a button, you say, I want Diet Ginger ale with cherry flavoring, I want Powerade. And that was the headline, you know? Even now, what emerged over time is more transformative. A real-time data signal from tens of thousands of machines showing exactly what consumers are reaching for and returning to order again. Y'all, the Freestyle machines have never been about choice. They've been about watching you.
51:30 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
51:30 Travis McElroy? You know what I mean? They've been about learning.
51:32 Griffin McElroy? Wait, what?
51:32 Travis McElroy? And insightful data translates into a finished, market-ready drink in as few as 90 fucking days, while the traditional process takes 18 months. For example, Coca-Cola Freestyle developed and launched Fanta Crimson Sour Cherry in White Castle and Sprite Loco Lime in Wingstop, both in under three months from concept to port.
51:53 Griffin McElroy? Okay, so to break this down, you're saying that there's like, we listen to Reggie, who works at the fucking Cinemark downtown, and every time he hits his soda machine, he mixes fucking, uh, Mr. Pib and vanilla and a little bit of Powerade, and he's crazy for that shit, so we're like, this is Reggie's drink.
52:14 Travis McElroy? No, you stupid idiot.
52:15 Griffin McElroy? Oh.
52:16 Travis McElroy? That's not it at all. The machine has been watching Reggie, and the machine tells Coke, hey, there's this idiot Reggie and his 20 idiot friends, and they always do this one mix. And then Coke's like, well, let's sell that as a different thing. And they're like, excellent.
52:31 Griffin McElroy? That's exactly what I said.
52:32 Travis McElroy? Welcome to, welcome to the Coca-Cola press conference.
52:37 Travis McElroy? Uh, we have a big announcement today.
52:38 Griffin McElroy? Can we break down what just happened? Cause I said that.
52:41 Travis McElroy? And then Justin's like, no, you dumb bitch.
52:44 Griffin McElroy? And then he was like.
52:44 Travis McElroy? No, Reggie is not reporting the information. The machine is reporting the information.
52:51 Griffin McElroy? Right, right. Yeah, no, for sure. I think I underst- I think, okay. What were you saying, Trav?
52:57 Travis McElroy? You're not a, you're, I, you kinda get it, but a lot of people don't. And that's the problem. We've had it coked for a long time.
53:03 Griffin McElroy? Right.
53:03 Travis McElroy? So I don't want you to be embarrassed.
53:04 Griffin McElroy? Right, no, I, I am.
53:06 Travis McElroy? We developed Fanta Crimson Sour Cherry in White Castle in under three months from Wingstop to pouring. Do you know what I'm saying?
53:13 Griffin McElroy? Hmm.
53:14 Travis McElroy? Members of the press, we've tracked, hello. My name is Dave Coca-Cola, the CEO of Coca-Cola. We've tracked what people want.
53:22 Travis McElroy? One reporter, hey Dave, why didn't you only get one reporter at our press conference? We've got 40 unoccupied chairs and this one jabroni in the front. I'm sorry, sir. I don't mean to.
53:31 Travis McElroy? I invited a bunch of people.
53:33 Travis McElroy? I appreciate you coming out. I just, you've already asked one really stupid question.
53:37 Griffin McElroy? I'm actually here for the Associated Press, so they'll kinda just take what I write.
53:42 Travis McElroy? Dave, what were you saying?
53:43 Travis McElroy? Um, so we've tracked the data from countless movie theaters and fast food restaurants. So today we're going to unveil our latest product, the one that everybody wants. This is a little bit of soda in a free water cup when the person's back is turned. Um, you'll be able to buy this at every retail location.
54:04 Griffin McElroy? Everybody wants to do it. And, um, how good is this?
54:09 Travis McElroy? Well, that's not the point. The point is that the water cup is free.
54:13 Griffin McElroy? Just say, hey man, fucking just say like, it's really fucking good that we're.
54:17 Travis McElroy? Oh no, it's terrible, cause it's free. The water cup is free.
54:20 Griffin McElroy? Try, try, hold on, try that again, but say like, it's really good.
54:24 Travis McElroy? It's really good for us.
54:26 Griffin McElroy? There we go.
54:27 Travis McElroy? The other one that we have.
54:28 Travis McElroy? You need that? Wait, why did you need that?
54:30 Griffin McElroy? Ethics, SPJ.
54:32 Travis McElroy? The other product that we're really happy about is, uh, is where you dump like just a second worth of soda and it doesn't look quite brown enough and you think something maybe is weird about it. So you dump it out. That's something we're selling for 30 cents now.
54:45 Travis McElroy? Okay. Also, you can now complain, every soda comes with a person you can complain to about how maybe like the juice is out back in the back and they need to check the syrups or whatever.
54:56 Travis McElroy? Right.
54:56 Travis McElroy? That comes standard with every package. Um, and we put.
55:00 Travis McElroy? I'm gonna slack you a quote, a real quote from the, the, the real guy who does, has your real job. Just try to sneak it in if you can.
55:07 Griffin McElroy? Will you send me a script for a joke to say?
55:10 Travis McElroy? It's not a joke.
55:11 Griffin McElroy? Oh, okay.
55:13 Travis McElroy? Um, we're announcing a lot of important stuff. Uh, you're also going to, we're gonna put some funny, like, you know, a picture of iced tea on the iced tea thing. People love that. Uh, we're evolving our dispense equipment into a connected intelligent platform where every pore strengthens our understanding of consumers and every unit becomes part of a global network. Uh, at scale, that's what allows us to move faster, differentiate our system and deliver more relevant experiences of the point of pore. And you can like hit every button really quick to get a bunch in there and act like you invented it.
55:46 Griffin McElroy? Previous point, every word you just said was scary to me. It was like.
55:50 Travis McElroy? Which one?
55:50 Griffin McElroy? Oh, it's, there's a picture of iced tea. It doesn't really, the drink doesn't contain the actor. After the stuff after iced tea, every word you said sounded like a menacing.
56:00 Travis McElroy? Quickly to get a little bit of soda.
56:02 Griffin McElroy? Being a purposefully kind of evasive right now.
56:04 Travis McElroy? Oh, was that about evolving our dispense equipment into a connected intelligent platform where every pore strengthens our understanding of consumers?
56:10 Griffin McElroy? When I take my kids to see the Super Mario Galaxy movie and then they get a, a high C with a little bit of Sprite mixed in there.
56:19 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
56:19 Griffin McElroy? Um, because they're not all about that full carbonation life. They need to cut it with something. You're saying that they are being data mined to feed a large, large language.
56:28 Travis McElroy? Retinal scanned, just basic stuff tracked, um.
56:32 Griffin McElroy? And is that good? Is that good that that's happening?
56:34 Travis McElroy? It's good for us. We like that. It's good for, we love that. We know exactly what you like.
56:39 Travis McElroy? And the nanobots in the soda, you know what I mean? So we can geo.
56:43 Griffin McElroy? That's good. We can do something like that. Cause the story guys that I'm thinking of is like, tech is so fun. I'm sort of the tech guy at the Associated Press and so.
56:51 Travis McElroy? Like Robocop?
56:52 Griffin McElroy? When I write about this stuff, I wish. It's always like, this tech's fucking baller fam. So just like, if you could sort of change the language a little bit to be less like, we're watching you, we're watching you, we know your taste, we know what, what your family likes.
57:07 Travis McElroy? Yeah, we're manipulating you and.
57:10 Travis McElroy? You want to take another pass at the quote there, Greg? I sent you another copy, a different copy.
57:15 Griffin McElroy? And make it more just like, tech is cool, future is cool.
57:17 Travis McElroy? Tell them about the add-ons.
57:18 Griffin McElroy? We're getting there.
57:18 Travis McElroy? New modular add-ons include a remote, non-nutritive sweetener system for high-volume outlets of self-cleaning nozzle, cup and lid holders, and bag inbox, or B I B, waystation that provides operators with real-time visibility into product levels, eliminating guesswork, and reducing out of stocks.
57:37 Griffin McElroy? Question?
57:37 Travis McElroy? Yes.
57:38 Griffin McElroy? Why can't you just talk fucking normal? Like, what is it, what's, what is a non-nutritive sweetener? We'll start there. There's a button you can press to make the Mountain Dew sweeter? That's fucking crazy. What's that mean?
57:51 Travis McElroy? It's remote though, so we do it from here.
57:53 Travis McElroy? Yeah, we do it from here.
57:54 Travis McElroy? It'll be sweeter?
57:55 Travis McElroy? Oh, and that's the reason.
57:56 Travis McElroy? It'll just be a little sweeter, baby.
57:57 Travis McElroy? Talk me through that process.
57:58 Travis McElroy? I've got all these wires connecting to my brain, and I'm the remote.
58:01 Griffin McElroy? So how do you decide if someone gets an extra sweet, Mr. Pibb? Like, how do you, do you have a camera?
58:07 Travis McElroy? We track their spending, and if they have spent more than a million dollars on Coke products over the course of their life, they get a little extra sweetener to say thank you.
58:16 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
58:17 Travis McElroy? They can just get a little bonus, a little bonus sweetener. God, I tell you, I tell you, Dave, I was really worried he was gonna ask about Hydras, but I guess we have.
58:25 Griffin McElroy? I do, actually, I have heard rumors about the sort of.
58:29 Travis McElroy? Sorry, I wasn't talking to you. Do you have a question? You raise your hand. Like, have you never been at? He's never been at one before, I don't think.
58:35 Travis McElroy? No, we're gonna have to electrify your seat for just two seconds.
58:38 Travis McElroy? Give him a quick buzz.
58:39 Griffin McElroy? I do like that.
58:42 Travis McElroy? Don't, don't do the buzz. Uh, did you have a question?
58:45 Griffin McElroy? He did it, and I fucking did not move.
58:47 Travis McElroy? That's true.
58:48 Griffin McElroy? I get buzzed a lot. No, I've heard about Hydras. I heard you're debuting it at the National Restaurant Show, and it does.
58:55 Travis McElroy? Sorry, what? Sorry, what?
58:57 Griffin McElroy? It does sound like, it sounds like a monster. It does sound like a monster. It sounds like a monster's name, Hydras. It sounds like a monster that's gonna kill you.
59:06 Travis McElroy? Please don't talk about Hydras anymore. We bit.
59:10 Travis McElroy? Okay.
59:10 Griffin McElroy? It just, I, it's a, what I have in my notes here, and I got this scuttlebutt.
59:15 Travis McElroy? What have you heard, what have you heard, and I will either confirm or, you tell me what you've heard, and we'll talk, and we'll either give you a yes or no.
59:22 Griffin McElroy? It's so like a situation.
59:23 Travis McElroy? Hey, it's so rare that someone responds with, "I can either confirm or deny."
59:28 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, usually you get the opposite in this business. I heard regarding Hydras that every piece of equipment debuting at the National Restaurant Show shares a unified visual identity, Hydras. Right across the entire Coca-Cola dispenser fleet, Hydras is a consistent design language that signals quality and sets expectations before a single drop is poured, whether a consumer encounters a Coca-Cola machine. The experience now begins the same way. It's fucking, it's like they're charging headlong into dystopia. Like, like with this press release, they're like-
1:00:03 Travis McElroy? Coca-Cola at the forefront for soda.
1:00:05 Griffin McElroy? Like, how dystopian can we fucking get in one press release?
1:00:08 Travis McElroy? But it's good because it's for soda. Do you understand?
1:00:11 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
1:00:12 Travis McElroy? You have to, if there's gonna be terrible dystopian advances that rob us of our humanity, and many of them will be so challenging and painful, when there's some that are like, "We just want to give you the soda you want." We have to celebrate that technology. We have to take it and celebrate it.
1:00:30 Griffin McElroy? It's great tech.
1:00:30 Travis McElroy? So try Slurm. It's delicious.
1:00:33 Griffin McElroy? It's a real Slurm situation. Who at the fucking National Restaurant Show is gonna be like, "Damn, all these Coca-Cola dispensers look really good," and then someone is gonna have to be like, "Thanks, it's Hydras."
1:00:44 Travis McElroy? It's Hydras.
1:00:44 Griffin McElroy? It's a unified visual identity.
1:00:46 Travis McElroy? It's-
1:00:52 Griffin McElroy? Oh, man, it's, uh, what a, what a bad, what a bad time, man. We're gonna get through this, but man alive, you gotta take a moment to say like, "Wow, it's good."
1:01:01 Travis McElroy? No, you're confused. This is good. You're so mixed up. This is good. When you read about bombs and stuff, we hate that.
1:01:10 Griffin McElroy? No, obviously there's worse stuff going on, but the fact that Coca-Cola's like, "Hydras is watching you," you're like, "That's good, actually."
1:01:18 Travis McElroy? To refresh you better. Like, don't you understand? To refresh you better.
1:01:22 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
1:01:23 Travis McElroy? It's giving you what you want before you know you want it. Yeah, it's refreshing you better. It's like, it's like a victimless crime. Like, it just wants to refresh you.
1:01:32 Griffin McElroy? Oh, there's vic, there's, there's a couple victims just in that one example, I feel like. This gave me, this gave me caffeine free flat Sprite. Is that what I wanted?
1:01:44 Travis McElroy? I guess it is. It's better for you. It's what you want.
1:01:49 Griffin McElroy? I, I don't think it, I wanted an icy.
1:01:52 Travis McElroy? Icy is like a devil. There is also Coca-Cola X Micromatic Mixology.
1:01:59 Griffin McElroy? Awesome.
1:01:59 Travis McElroy? Developed in partnership with Micromatic, this not alcoholic mixology dispenser takes familiar beverages, sodas, lemonade, teas, coffees, and layers in syrups, dairies, and alternative dairies to create drinks that reflect the craft and customization consumers are increasingly seeking. That, that result is a level of creativity at the fountain that has not existed there before.
1:02:21 Griffin McElroy? Has it got Hydras though? Cause if it doesn't have Hydras, I'm gonna be fucking.
1:02:25 Travis McElroy? With Hydras.
1:02:29 Travis McElroy? Hydras AI.
1:02:34 Travis McElroy? The global Hydras military platform.
1:02:37 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
1:02:40 Travis McElroy? There's an extra area in there to fit in the AI.
1:02:43 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
1:02:43 Travis McElroy? In capitals, so it's built to airy.
1:02:45 Griffin McElroy? Everything's trying to get you all the time. I turn on my Sudoku app on my phone and it's like, hey, can we just fucking watch you? And I'll be like, I guess you're just Sudoku. I don't think I want Coca-Cola to know. I don't think I want Coca-Cola to pump me. I don't want them to pump me.
1:03:02 Travis McElroy? Uh, but Hydras, I think in my gut, I feel like the best thing you can do is if you see a, any sort of freestyle setup that is not in the Hydras design language, I think you have a moral imperative to tear it from the wall.
1:03:19 Griffin McElroy? Destroy it.
1:03:20 Travis McElroy? And destroy it.
1:03:21 Griffin McElroy? They want you to, they want to replace that.
1:03:23 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
1:03:23 Griffin McElroy? They want to replace that machine. They want to get Hydras up in there.
1:03:26 Travis McElroy? At this point, it's a false idol and it is like fucking the brand and like the, the thing you could do for height, like I think what Hydras would want.
1:03:35 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
1:03:35 Travis McElroy? To destroy all freestyle machines that are not Hydras enabled to clear the way for Hydras.
1:03:42 Griffin McElroy? Hydrus, by the way, as far as I can tell, means a glossy red shell with a black, an imposing black outcropping with a screen on it. That's Hydrus. And they, so they've made it also a kind of scary, like Hydrus is-
1:03:57 Travis McElroy? Like the AI, like the thing from 2001: A Space Odyssey.
1:04:02 Griffin McElroy? It looks like a Squid Game guy. It looks like a Squid Game, like one of the guys on Squid Game that comes around and kills you if you bust, if you like knock over the Jenga tower or whatever. They've made it scary on purpose and they've called it Hydrus. Awesome. Cool.
1:04:15 Travis McElroy? I think it would be fun if we all picked a terrible disgusting combination of beverages and agreed to order the hell out of it for the next six months until Coke was like, this is what everybody wants.
1:04:29 Travis McElroy? What if Coke is so disgusted with the actual data it receives, they're like, we don't want to do this anymore. The syrups that you people are putting in are vulgar and we don't want to-
1:04:38 Travis McElroy? We're just gonna do, you can have Sprite or Coke.
1:04:42 Travis McElroy? Now, from now on, there's one button and it pours flat water. That's all you get from now on.
1:04:46 Griffin McElroy? We gave you infinite tools to create art and you guys made Pibbonade, which is Mr. Pib and Lemonade mixed all up. That would slap maybe, actually.
1:04:57 Travis McElroy? What if there was one button that just said guaranteed universal insurance? Just like one act and if everybody pressed it, you know?
1:05:03 Griffin McElroy? Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:05:04 Travis McElroy? It would count as a vote. Each bu- dude, why are we wasting time in the voting booth? We should be doing it at Hydrus.
1:05:10 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, Hydrus should do the elections for sure.
1:05:13 Travis McElroy? And the new president is Fanta.
1:05:16 Travis McElroy? What if?
1:05:19 Travis McElroy? Mr. Pib, more like President Pib. What if, what if-
1:05:22 Griffin McElroy? You will stand when Mr. Pib comes in the room.
1:05:26 Travis McElroy? We should be done now. The show is over. This is free, but I do have to say, free content for everybody. Uh.
1:05:32 Griffin McElroy? This is the after show.
1:05:33 Travis McElroy? This is the after show. What if Stanley was prophetic, but instead of Hydra, it was Hydrus? And instead of the Avengers, it was Doge? And that's actually what the battle is.
1:05:44 Travis McElroy? Wow, geez, what a cool alternate reality. You lift up.
1:05:47 Travis McElroy? Don't just hate Justin, don't give this away for free.
1:05:52 Travis McElroy? Yeah, man, this is the after show, man.
1:05:55 Travis McElroy? Trav, after this one, I don't know, I'm gonna have too many more commercial options.
1:05:58 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
1:05:58 Travis McElroy? Frankly, uh, thanks for listening to our podcast. We hope you've enjoyed yourself. Hail Hydrus.
1:06:05 Travis McElroy? Speaking of consumerism, we've got some new merch. Uh, we've got the don't talk to me until I have my podcast mug, the I like all butts and no government mug, which is also a digital crosshairs pattern, and the my brother, my brother and tea, which is available alone or in a bundle with one of the mugs.
1:06:21 Griffin McElroy? All Hydrus compatible.
1:06:23 Travis McElroy? Yes. 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to the First Nations Development Institute.
1:06:30 Travis McElroy? I just want to say a huge shout out and an apology to my fellow Spectrum writers, who are now going to be forced, compelled, chemically, biologically, to tell anybody who they are with when they encounter a Hydrus machine, that that is part of the Hydrus design language. And no one's gonna want to hear it, but we are gonna have to tell them.
1:06:48 Griffin McElroy? You gotta tell them.
1:06:49 Travis McElroy? So apologies, but you know, you're welcome. You're gonna be doing a little education.
1:06:53 Travis McElroy? You can preorder The Adventure Zone Story and Song right now. It's the final graphic novel in the Adventure Zone Balance Graphic Novel Series. If you go to theadventurezonecomic.com, um, and there's an exclusive preorder gift of a postcard pack and sticker. It's available from our publisher if you submit your receipt at bit.ly/tazgngift.
1:07:13 Griffin McElroy? Carrie posted those on Instagram. They look amazing. Um, I will want to secure my, my own ones of those as well. Thanks to Montane for the use of our theme song, My Life Is Better With You.
1:07:23 Travis McElroy? Forgotten how to draw their stuff.
1:07:26 Travis McElroy? You know?
1:07:27 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
1:07:27 Travis McElroy? What if she's forgotten how to draw other things? You know, she draws a robot or something. Well, we got robots, but you know.
1:07:33 Griffin McElroy? So thank you, Montane, for the use of our theme song, My Life Is Better With You. Um, Montane recently featured on an episode of Off Menu. A podcast I really enjoy. It's very fun. Um, I don't know if we should be plugging other shows, like, go listen to that one, but then never again.
1:07:50 Travis McElroy? Unless you like it. Let me get this into more of it. We gotta throw something. Justin, you got something to throw?
1:07:56 Travis McElroy? Yeah, I got this. Look at this adorable potion bottle at the Ren Fair.
1:08:00 Griffin McElroy? That is cute.
1:08:01 Travis McElroy? It's soft crochet. It should be a good throw.
1:08:03 Travis McElroy? Okay, let's do it.
1:08:08 Travis McElroy? Are we, have you guys been throwing it at the wall or at your chair?
1:08:10 Travis McElroy? I've been throwing it at the chair, but...
1:08:12 Travis McElroy? Yeah, but like, we're throwing it at the wall to see what sticks, right?
1:08:15 Griffin McElroy? The chair is so soft, I feel like it dulls the sound a little bit.
1:08:19 Travis McElroy? I usually, I mean, I have a pretty big space to aim for here.
1:08:22 Griffin McElroy? You guys don't, maybe...
1:08:26 Travis McElroy? Nothing.
1:08:27 Griffin McElroy? It's pretty quiet.
1:08:27 Travis McElroy? I can hear it.
1:08:29 Travis McElroy? Well, my name's Justin McElroy.
1:08:30 Travis McElroy? I'm Travis McElroy.
1:08:31 Griffin McElroy? I'm Griffin McElroy.
1:08:32 Travis McElroy? They're not all gonna be loud and cool. Kiss your dad square on the lips.
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