Pretty Little Episode #92

Tig and Fortune take your questions about first cars and Pavlovian responses on a drool-worthy Pretty Little Episode! Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterSubmit your questions to speakpipe.com/handsomepod http://speakpipe.com/handsomepodFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepodThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:16Tig Notaro?

  Pretty Little Episode. Hey, it's your friend Tig Notaro on the Pretty Little Episode of Handsome, and I'm sitting here

• 0:25Fortune Feimster?

  with Fortune Beamster.

• 0:27Tig Notaro?

  How are you, Fortune?

• 0:29Fortune Feimster?

  I'm so good. I just got back from Costco.

• 0:37Tig Notaro?

  Why is that good? What happened there?

• 0:40Fortune Feimster?

  I love a Costco trip.

• 0:43Tig Notaro?

  Okay, what'd you get?

• 0:44Fortune Feimster?

  I went to get a television, because I'm still figuring out my house. And I ended up moving one of the guest rooms in my office. I switched them. And now that I've switched them, I wasn't gonna get a TV in that guest room, but now it's a bigger room, and I'm like, I think it needs a TV.

• 1:06Tig Notaro?

  Here's, this is gonna surprise you.

• 1:08Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 1:09Tig Notaro?

  I didn't know Costco sold TVs. I thought it was just like bulk food.

• 1:14Fortune Feimster?

  They sell everything, and honestly, their TVs are a very good deal.

• 1:20Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 1:20Fortune Feimster?

  I got this, I got this TV, 55-inch Sony, which is now TCL, I think, 300 bucks.

• 1:30Tig Notaro?

  TCL?

• 1:30Fortune Feimster?

  TCL. It's now, what was Sony is now TCL. It's just the same. It's like...

• 1:36Tig Notaro?

  Oh, it's a company?

• 1:38Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 1:38Tig Notaro?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:39Fortune Feimster?

  But 300 bucks, great TV, that's, come on now.

• 1:44Tig Notaro?

  Come on now.

• 1:45Fortune Feimster?

  And then while I was there, I picked up some Smart Water. And

• 1:51Tig Notaro?

  That was smart.

• 1:52Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, water, um, but instead, I'm not good at flossing, so I got a water pick. You know what I'm talking about?

• 1:59Tig Notaro?

  Of course I do. And you're not good, meaning when you floss, there's still chunks of beef in there? Or like, you're not good, uh, to remember?

• 2:07Fortune Feimster?

  To remember.

• 2:08Tig Notaro?

  Ah.

• 2:09Fortune Feimster?

  So I'm hoping, I'm hoping to put this in my routine now. Brush my teeth, water pick.

• 2:16Tig Notaro?

  Wait, not your stand-up routine?

• 2:18Fortune Feimster?

  No.

• 2:19Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 2:20Fortune Feimster?

  No, my, my teeth routine.

• 2:22Tig Notaro?

  Okay, your dental routine.

• 2:24Fortune Feimster?

  That's right.

• 2:25Tig Notaro?

  And did you?

• 2:26Fortune Feimster?

  I also got, what's up?

• 2:27Tig Notaro?

  I was just gonna ask, did you just recently visit the dentist? And they were like, man, you got to get on this.

• 2:34Fortune Feimster?

  Every time, no, I didn't recently go, but they have, every time I've gone, told me you have to floss. So I just saw it and remembered. And then I also got some sunscreen. I mean, it's really a one-stop shop.

• 2:47Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, okay. And the $300 TV, what would that be if you were not shopping at Costco?

• 2:54Fortune Feimster?

  Um, maybe somewhere else might be 500.

• 2:58Tig Notaro?

  Okay, so you almost could buy a whole other TV.

• 3:01Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, 450, something like that. It's, you know, it just depends on where you get it. And then they have wall mounts for the television for like 60 bucks. And then if you go to somewhere else, they don't have as many selections and theirs are like 120 and up. I mean, I'm not sponsored by Costco. I'm just telling you I went there.

• 3:23Tig Notaro?

  And then how many TVs do you have in your house?

• 3:26Fortune Feimster?

  Um, this makes three.

• 3:28Tig Notaro?

  Okay, alright.

• 3:30Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 3:30Tig Notaro?

  Do you have one of those little tiny ones in the kitchen, like how they used to have, like in childhood? You know, mom?

• 3:37Fortune Feimster?

  Those are so funny. I don't know, cuz I don't, the, my den and kitchen are kinda all in one thing. So I don't, if to have a extra little mini TV would be weird. I also don't cook enough for, to like be, I feel like those were for the moms that were like cooking for long periods of time that

• 3:58Tig Notaro?

  And dads.

• 3:59Fortune Feimster?

  And dads, sure.

• 4:00Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 4:01Fortune Feimster?

  That needed a distraction.

• 4:04Tig Notaro?

  And then, and then, um, are you somebody that likes a TV in your bathtub?

• 4:09Fortune Feimster?

  No, I don't have one in my bathroom. There's not anywhere to put it. My bathroom's very When you come over, you'll see there's not, there's nowhere to hang anything.

• 4:20Tig Notaro?

  Okay. Well, I know sometimes people have them like in the wall. You know?

• 4:25Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. No. I'm, I like a TV, but I don't need it in all the, all these random places.

• 4:31Tig Notaro?

  Because I was, I'm always amused or fascinated, not amused, fascinated by people that have a TV or like when you're in a hotel room and they have a TV in the tub. Yeah, that's just, uh,

• 4:45Tig Notaro?

  interesting. Like I, I was hoping to pick your brain about it, like.

• 4:49Fortune Feimster?

  That feels very old school, though. I don't think people are putting TVs.

• 4:53Tig Notaro?

  In tubs anymore?

• 4:54Fortune Feimster?

  In bathrooms in modern times. I don't think.

• 4:58Tig Notaro?

  Modern, meaning the past five to 10 years?

• 5:01Fortune Feimster?

  Like 15.

• 5:03Tig Notaro?

  Uh, okay.

• 5:03Fortune Feimster?

  Fifteen, 15 to 20.

• 5:05Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 5:06Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, a lot of those TVs are old school, but I have to say I like this configuration a lot better.

• 5:12Tig Notaro?

  Of your house? Like how you moved rooms?

• 5:15Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, because I, I had chosen the bigger, I have another guest room on the other side. And this was a guest room and I, I was like, well, I'm always in my office. I'm going to use the bigger room for my office and the small room can be the second guest room. Cause I'm never having anyone over. But then they were like, the guys that were helping me with decor were like, mm, you should switch these. And now that I'm in here, this way makes way more sense. Even my video game looks way better in here because it's more of a square than a rectangle.

• 5:51Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 5:52Fortune Feimster?

  And the sound is better. Before on the pod, it was a little echoey and I can tell that the smaller room's better for pot, potting.

• 6:03Tig Notaro?

  Okay. And then you said you had guys helping you with decor. Does that mean you hired, um, designers or were there guys that were like, we gotta help this lesbian with decor?

• 6:14Fortune Feimster?

  They are gay guys.

• 6:15Tig Notaro?

  I figured.

• 6:17Fortune Feimster?

  I just picked them up on the street and said, you guys probably have taste, right?

• 6:22Tig Notaro?

  Somebody help.

• 6:23Fortune Feimster?

  Somebody help. Um, they're, they're designers. Yeah. I'm, I'm getting my house looking, um, nice.

• 6:31Tig Notaro?

  Oh, good. That's fun. Well, congrats to you.

• 6:35Fortune Feimster?

  Thank you.

• 6:37Tig Notaro?

  And thank you, um, Costco, even though this is not a commercial. It's not here for the what?

• 6:45Fortune Feimster?

  Snacks.

• 6:46Tig Notaro?

  Okay, why are you showing me that?

• 6:49Fortune Feimster?

  Because you can get snacks at Costco.

• 6:55Fortune Feimster?

  Full circle, baby. Should we get to our questions? What's that say?

• 7:01Tig Notaro?

  Sub Pop Records.

• 7:02Fortune Feimster?

  There you go.

• 7:04Tig Notaro?

  I'm performing in Washington State and um, Sub Pop is from Seattle, so I'm gonna, you know, I'm in Bellingham, Washington, so I'm gonna walk out and be like, yo, what's up, Sub Pop?

• 7:17Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 7:18Tig Notaro?

  Any hootles, I was here last night, but last night's audience doesn't get the Sub Pop t-shirt.

• 7:23Fortune Feimster?

  They do not?

• 7:24Tig Notaro?

  You know what they did get? The Nashville Comedy Festival t-shirt that I love. I love that long sleeve t-shirt. Okay, yeah, let's get to our question.

• 7:34Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 7:36Speaker 03

  Hi Fortune, May and Tig, this is Taryn calling from Amsterdam. Do you have a Pavlovian reaction? If yes, what are the two things that got linked in your brain? And what happens when one of them shows up?

• 7:51Tig Notaro?

  That's so interesting.

• 7:53Fortune Feimster?

  So basically, like, is there something in our life that when it happens, it creates a certain reaction?

• 8:01Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 8:02Fortune Feimster?

  Hmm, interesting.

• 8:04Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it's really interesting.

• 8:07Fortune Feimster?

  I've never even thought about this.

• 8:09Tig Notaro?

  That's why it's interesting.

• 8:11Fortune Feimster?

  That's true. Um, God, yeah, I, let me think.

• 8:16Tig Notaro?

  I mean, it's not just like a memory, right?

• 8:20Fortune Feimster?

  I don't think so. I think it's like an action.

• 8:24Speaker 04

  I can give an example, like, whenever I hear the HBO, like, static sound of like,

• 8:30Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 8:30Speaker 04

  I hear the Curb Your Enthusiasm. No matter what show I'm watching, I always hear the Curb Your Enthusiasm, like bum bum bum bum, because I watch so much Curb Your Enthusiasm. So they're like linked.

• 8:44Fortune Feimster?

  Well, anytime I, someone mentions crab rangoons, I get hungry. I mean, does that count?

• 8:59Fortune Feimster?

  There's never a time that I don't want to crab rank in. So if someone brings it up, I'm then my brain wants it.

• 9:09Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my, I, I don't know if this counts, but my mom's always trying to get me to sing more on stage. And anytime she does, I, it like gives me anxiety and I try to change the conversation.

• 9:26Tig Notaro?

  Is that linked to something long ago or it's just that?

• 9:29Fortune Feimster?

  I just don't wanna.

• 9:31Tig Notaro?

  So is that Pavlovian?

• 9:33Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know. Gives me anxiety.

• 9:39Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, I guess it would be more like if my palms were, were to get sweaty or something like physical happened. That's the best I can do. I don't know what to tell you.

• 9:51Tig Notaro?

  I mean, look, I. Is that Pavlovian, Thomas? What Fortune's saying?

• 9:59Speaker 04

  You're saying you kind of get anxious every time?

• 10:01Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, like I.

• 10:03Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think that could kind of work. It'd be more like if like every time you saw your mom, you got anxious. Cause you knew she was gonna like nag you about something.

• 10:14Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I think, I mean, I cannot pretend like my mother did not party. Okay, I cannot pretend. I'm not going to.

• 10:26Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 10:27Tig Notaro?

  Whether it was like people that live near us or people in town visiting. It was just like all nighter kind of situation. And sometimes when I hear like, whether it's silverware really late at night or like a beer opening or wine opening, I'm like, oh gosh, is this gonna be an all night situation? And it could just be somebody grabbing a spoon for some soup and opening a Waterloo. You know what I mean?

• 10:59Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 11:00Tig Notaro?

  Is that Pavlovian?

• 11:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think so.

• 11:03Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I just, I think kitchen noises late at night or even TV late or music late, but I don't really hear that. Too much, but we've had people that have stayed with us and like we're totally, once Max and Finn go to bed, we go to bed. And sometimes people will stay with us and they'll be up later and I hear the TV and or I hear music or clanking around in the kitchen. I'm like, oh, boy, this is gonna be a night, you know?

• 11:37Fortune Feimster?

  [laughing]

• 11:38Tig Notaro?

  And then it's not.

• 11:40Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 11:41Tig Notaro?

  The end, the, the end, the end.

• 11:44Fortune Feimster?

  [laughing] Do they have an answer?

• 11:49Tig Notaro?

  Taryn in Amsterdam.

• 11:52Fortune Feimster?

  That's right.

• 11:52Tig Notaro?

  Taryn doesn't sound like she's from Amsterdam.

• 11:55Fortune Feimster?

  Mm hmm.

• 11:56Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 11:57Speaker 03

  I accidentally pavlov'd myself by spending weeks pulling weeds, always while listening to the Handsome Pod. So now, whenever I walk into my garden, I hear it say, hello.

• 12:09Fortune Feimster?

  Hello.

• 12:10Speaker 03

  My brain is like, hey, ghost. I love you guys so much, consciously and evidently subconsciously as well. What a podcast.

• 12:20Tig Notaro?

  Thank you, Taryn. What a question.

• 12:22Fortune Feimster?

  That's right.

• 12:23Tig Notaro?

  What else we got?

• 12:25Speaker 00

  Hey, handsome. My name's Dot. I'm talking to you from Tacoma, Washington, and thought of a question while out to a drink with a friend today, which was, what were your guys' first cars? And is there any like nostalgic story behind it, how you lost it, how you got it, what you loved about it, et cetera?

• 12:47Tig Notaro?

  My first car was my mother's car. Well, first of all, Dot, that's my niece's name, little baby Doty. But my first car was my mother's car. And I believe for a while, my brother and I shared it with my mother and then maybe she got a new car. I think that's what happened. And then she gave the car to me and my brother to share, which was tough, you know, to share.

• 13:14Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 13:15Tig Notaro?

  We, yeah, but. In the olden days of the eighties, when a metal key would go into a car to start it.

• 13:23Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 13:24Tig Notaro?

  The car that was my mother, it was a Chevy Malibu, Chevrolet Malibu.

• 13:29Fortune Feimster?

  Woo hoo.

• 13:29Tig Notaro?

  And um, yeah, and um, when she would put the metal key in and turn the uh, key, start the ignition. Her favorite little prank to do was, for some reason, the key got run down.

• 13:48Fortune Feimster?

  Mm hmm.

• 13:48Tig Notaro?

  Or something, where you could pull the key out of the ignition while you were driving. And she would, so she'd be in the car with me and my friends, we'd be driving, she'd pull the key out and then she'd hand it back to my friends in the backseat and they'd be like, ah, terrifying. Uh, but it obviously didn't stop the car from going, but that was so not anything I'd ever seen another car do, but um, the Chevy Malibu key that we had got, I think it just was worn down or I don't know what happened.

• 14:20Fortune Feimster?

  I would think that the car wouldn't be able to work with that.

• 14:23Tig Notaro?

  Well, it could because it was already turned, it was turned into place.

• 14:27Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 14:28Tig Notaro?

  And then you could slide it out. I've never, uh, that wasn't-

• 14:32Fortune Feimster?

  I've never seen that either.

• 14:34Tig Notaro?

  That wasn't anything that the car came with, it just was a weird glitch that happened over time and she loved to do that to um, rattle her um, her guests in the car.

• 14:46Fortune Feimster?

  That would rattle me if, if someone pulled a key out, I would not think that that would be okay.

• 14:54Tig Notaro?

  Yep, well, that was, that was my first car, it was a Chevy Malibu and the key came out and then you just pass it around the car.

• 15:01Fortune Feimster?

  I love it. My first car was this really janky BMW.

• 15:07Tig Notaro?

  Oh, fancy.

• 15:10Fortune Feimster?

  It sounds fancy, um, but it was not fancy. It was uh, from a neighbor, my brother bought it for like eighteen hundred bucks. Um, it did not work very well and in fact, at the time, it was uh, ready for- Me to drive. I don't know why he didn't end up driving it. I think because it broke down a lot. It just sat in our driveway and I turned sixteen and we couldn't afford to get me a car. Um, and so I was just like, the only car was option was this BMW. Um, it was like if in from the eighties, early eighties, and this was like ninety six.

• 15:49Fortune Feimster?

  And, uh, a friend of my mom's, um, tried to like stitch it together, but it took a month. So, uh, about maybe eight months into turning sixteen, it finally started working, but it was a stick shift. And I didn't know how to drive a stick shift, but I was so antsy to drive that I just like started driving it. And was like completely stalling everywhere and just had no clue what I was doing. But this car was such a hunk of junk. It like, when it rained, the water came through the sunroof and just dirty rainwater poured all over me.

• 16:29Fortune Feimster?

  And sat in the floorboard. It like the, the, um, it would stall constantly in the middle of intersections. I had to like pull the emergency brake up to come to a stop without changing gears so that it wouldn't shut off. I mean, this car was so wildly dangerous. I can't believe.

• 16:48Tig Notaro?

  But.

• 16:48Fortune Feimster?

  But.

• 16:49Tig Notaro?

  But. It was a BMW.

• 16:51Fortune Feimster?

  That's all that matters. It was such a piece of shit, but it lasted me till my senior year of college. And then just dead, dead as a door now. There was no bringing it back from there. I don't know. Rest in peace. Man, that car. And then I remember when my grandmother died, the, the whole board, uh, electric board died. And so I couldn't roll down the windows and I couldn't, um, play the, um, the music and I couldn't run the air conditioning. And I was so miserable. I had to drive three hours to go home for her funeral and just was in agony.

• 17:34Tig Notaro?

  But.

• 17:35Fortune Feimster?

  But it was a BMW.

• 17:36Tig Notaro?

  It was a BMW. And that's all the outside world saw, so.

• 17:42Fortune Feimster?

  That's right.

• 17:43Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah. Does Dot have anything to say about her car?

• 17:49Speaker 00

  Uh, my answer is I had a Honda CR-V that I got from my mom. And his name was Newbie and he was beautiful and uh, he got totaled by some construction next to my house in college, which was very sad. But now I have a little Honda fit and I love her so much. All right. Can't wait to hear. Thanks. Bye.

• 18:10Tig Notaro?

  Thanks, Dot.

• 18:11Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 18:12Tig Notaro?

  That was delightful.

• 18:14Fortune Feimster?

  That was delightful.

• 18:15Tig Notaro?

  It's like every now and then I'll, I'll have this wave of like, we're gonna run out of questions. People are gonna run out of questions to ask and then sure enough.

• 18:25Fortune Feimster?

  They come up with new stuff, even to the point where we're like, is this a Pavlovian response?

• 18:32Tig Notaro?

  I have to say, a lot of times, it's our listeners that have the best questions.

• 18:37Fortune Feimster?

  They do have some interesting questions.

• 18:39Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 18:39Fortune Feimster?

  I find that when I ask people for questions for the pod, they're always like, I don't know what to ask. And I'm like, you can literally ask anything you want.

• 18:47Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah. All right then. Uh, submit your questions and advice requests to speakpipe.com/handsomepod. Uh, if you'd like to come see me on tour, please do. I'm hitting minor markets right now, but I will be adding major markets in more cities. Go to tignotaro.com.

• 19:06Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I am, uh, and currently, uh, on my European tour. So, any of you folks in Europe, uh, wanna come check out a show? Let's see, where would I be currently? I would be, uh, Stockholm, Sweden tonight, Oslo, Norway, Sunday, Copenhagen, uh, London on uh, June 3rd, and then ending in Dublin. Um, so yeah, come on out for one of those shows, my European friends.

• 19:35Tig Notaro?

  Until next time.

• 19:37Fortune Feimster?

  Keep it handsome.

• 19:40Tig Notaro?

  Pretty handsome.

• 19:41Fortune Feimster?

  Pretty handsome.

• 19:44Tig Notaro?

  Handsome is hosted by me, Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune Theemster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at [email protected]. Follow us on social media @handsomepod. What a podcast!

• 20:08Speaker 00

  That was a HeadGum Podcast.