Giggling about bologna, poison, and ponzi schemes

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Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Paige DeSorbo?

  Cozy season is upon us, which is one of my favorites. I love a chill, crisp morning and I love opening the window and like feeling it on my face. I also love when it's raining and you're having a movie marathon. And that's why you also need Bombas to make your comfiest fall staples. Go with all your favorite fall things. So you can make the most out of one of the best seasons of the year. Like the new suede moccasins are perfect for fall with cushy soles, a sheerling lining, and water-resistant suede. For every item you purchase, an essential clothing item is donated to somebody facing housing insecurity. Bombas truly is the best and I've replaced all my socks with Bombas. Head over to Bombas.com/gigglysquad and use code GigglySquad for 20% off your first purchase.

• 0:45Paige DeSorbo?

  That's B-O-M-B-A-S dot com slash GigglySquad, code GigglySquad at checkout.

• 0:51Hannah Berner?

  I was thinking about how women have so many little things we have to do when we're getting home that you have to be aware of.

• 0:57Paige DeSorbo?

  Like so many people have my location.

• 1:00Hannah Berner?

  And you have to share your ETA, you have to check the route, you have to text everyone I'm home.

• 1:03Paige DeSorbo?

  And if your friend like doesn't text you, "Oh, you got home," you're, you're calling the FBI.

• 1:08Hannah Berner?

  Yep, yep. And we joke about it because it's so normal to us, but you're constantly paying attention. Even when you're exhausted and just want to get home, your brain still has to be on. You're like, is this guy going the right route? Am I in the right place? Who's around me? What's happening?

• 1:22Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, there's truly no clocking out of your safety.

• 1:25Hannah Berner?

  And that's why riding in a Waymo feels different. It's an autonomous ride with an empty driver's seat. So, once you get in, you have this private space that's actually just yours.

• 1:33Paige DeSorbo?

  And you know, I love alone time and I truly feel like it's such a luxury in a Waymo.

• 1:38Hannah Berner?

  Especially after being social, like I love everyone, but like.

• 1:41Paige DeSorbo?

  Please, nobody speak to me.

• 1:42Hannah Berner?

  Like, give me 20 minutes. I want music, the right temperature. There's no compromising and you can customize the ride, put on your own music, answer texts you ignored all night, stare out the window. You actually have a minute where you're not thinking about everyone else.

• 1:56Paige DeSorbo?

  And that's the thing, it's not even necessarily about doing something. Sometimes it's just, you want to sit there and not speak.

• 2:03Hannah Berner?

  And put your guard down for a second and feel safe. Which truly women deserve. We deserve to disassociate safely for 20 minutes. Yeah, I mean, put that on a T-shirt for real. And obviously, safety is a huge part of why that feeling matters. Knowing Waymo's safer, there's something refreshing in having that space where you can just be yourself and let Waymo handle the driving. And we spend enough of our lives being on. Exactly. We don't need to be on in the car. Getting around shouldn't require so much mental energy. And if this sounds like your ideal way to get around too, download the Waymo app and use code GIGLY to get 20% off your next two rides. You can check out the full terms in the app. We love a discount. And if Waymo isn't in your city yet, head to waymo.com/gigly to sign up and help bring Waymo to you.

• 2:47Hannah Berner?

  This episode is sponsored by cars.com. I feel like your car says a lot about you. It's transportation, storage, and honestly, kind of a personality test. Maybe you need something for weekend road trips, something you can actually parallel park in the city, or just enough trunk space for an emergency outfit and backup shoes. Personally, I like options and I'm very specific. So this is where cars.com comes in. Cars.com has the tools that make your car shopping way less overwhelming. With more than 200 advanced search filters, you can narrow things down based on what actually matters to you. Deal badges help show how fairly a vehicle is priced, so you can browse with more confidence and fewer chaotic tabs open, which I think we can all appreciate. Start your search with cars.com. Where to next?

• 3:33Hannah Berner?

  Sup, gigglers?

• 3:35Speaker 02

  Gary, fix the wifi.

• 3:36Hannah Berner?

  Manifest that shit.

• 3:38Speaker 02

  We can't be managed.

• 3:43Speaker 02

  I mean, the day just got away from me.

• 3:47Hannah Berner?

  Hello, my guillotine gigglers. Violent for no reason. Um, quick Mormon update.

• 3:57Hannah Berner?

  Apparently, the girls in the new Mormon show aren't all Mormon. So people were like telling me that and I was like, how was I supposed to know it's called the new Mormon show?

• 4:05Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah. Is this the new segment we have weekly? It's like updating the Mormon community?

• 4:09Hannah Berner?

  Our Mormon correspondents are in my DMs. And then Macy from the other Mormon show DM'd me and was like, hi girly, we have to play tennis. So I'm in with all the tennis reality girls finally, because everyone's like, make friends with Macy. And I'm like, I'm 34, I don't know how to make new friends. And I said, hi, my love.

• 4:29Paige DeSorbo?

  Did you? Wait, did she play tennis?

• 4:32Hannah Berner?

  She's like really good at tennis and her sister's really good at tennis.

• 4:35Paige DeSorbo?

  Oh, right, right, right, right, right.

• 4:36Hannah Berner?

  Because I get a lot of like, hey, so and so plays tennis. And I'm like, okay, let's, let's see.

• 4:41Paige DeSorbo?

  That's so funny, because my DMs are like, hey, I get UTIs all the time too.

• 4:48Hannah Berner?

  We have such different DMs.

• 4:50Paige DeSorbo?

  No, we have such different interactions with people.

• 4:55Hannah Berner?

  But I feel like page coded girls are up in my DMs, be like keeping me, they're being like, Paige, I hate that.

• 5:01Paige DeSorbo?

  They're trying to lend a helping hand.

• 5:03Hannah Berner?

  Yeah, so I get both.

• 5:05Paige DeSorbo?

  They're empathic.

• 5:09Hannah Berner?

  Oh, God. Um, actually, I got a really funny DM from a giggler. Because sometimes gigglers would be like, this would be a funny bit, like you should talk about it. And they said, what do you do when a guy's talking dirty to you, dirty to you in bed? And you like can't really hear what he said, but like you can't say what?

• 5:27Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah. No, that's the worst thing.

• 5:29Hannah Berner?

  But like you can't just go with it because you don't know what he said and you don't want to sign up for something you didn't sign up for? What, what's the move if he's like?

• 5:38Paige DeSorbo?

  I just say, mm-hmm. Honestly, because at that point, if I...

• 5:44Hannah Berner?

  I say, no hablo inglés.

• 5:47Paige DeSorbo?

  Because really, like, what are they really gonna do that's like crazy? Like, there is such talk, like it's four minutes and 30 seconds out of your day. Like, what are they really gonna throw at you that you haven't seen before?

• 6:04Paige DeSorbo?

  And like, I mean, I think we're all alluding to anal here.

• 6:09Hannah Berner?

  We are, what are we, two minutes into the episode and you've brought up anal?

• 6:14Paige DeSorbo?

  But you have time to be like, hey, I don't swing that way.

• 6:17Hannah Berner?

  You do, you do. You could be like, I was muffled in the pillow. I thought you said, what rhymes with anal?

• 6:25Paige DeSorbo?

  I don't know, but I got my microneedling, honey.

• 6:30Hannah Berner?

  Tell me everything.

• 6:31Paige DeSorbo?

  So I'm like a couple, I got it at 9 a.m. this morning and it's 4 o'clock right now.

• 6:37Hannah Berner?

  You look normal.

• 6:39Paige DeSorbo?

  I look normal, right?

• 6:40Hannah Berner?

  Yeah.

• 6:40Paige DeSorbo?

  It's crazy. I wanna say I was red for maybe 3 hours. I did, it's called RF microneedling. I went to a doctor. I went to Dr. Umbreen Mahmood. Let me tell you something that I really appreciate in people. I like when I meet someone and they are their profession. Like, when I met this woman, I looked at her and I go, "Yeah, you're..."

• 7:11Hannah Berner?

  You're touching my face.

• 7:12Paige DeSorbo?

  I go, "You're a goddamn plastic surgeon." Like, I, and I hope that that, I'm also the type of person that like if I feel a compliment in my head, I have to say it. Like, so like walking down the street, if I think you have a cool outfit, I'm saying it because I think that like builds up your aura points. Like, say it, you know, like, don't keep a compliment in. So like whenever I see someone and they're just like so their profession, like sometimes Taylor will come to like different things we're doing and I'm like, "You look like a makeup artist right now."

• 7:44Hannah Berner?

  Well, cuz you love Barbie's different outfits.

• 7:47Paige DeSorbo?

  It's like when this doctor walked in the room first, when I walked into her office, I was like, "Yeah, this is where I'm getting frickin' microneedling done, okay?" And then when she comes in the room, I was like, "Hell yeah." Like, your outfit, your skin, everything about you, her ring stack, like, I just felt good.

• 8:08Hannah Berner?

  Her ring stack.

• 8:09Paige DeSorbo?

  I loved it.

• 8:10Hannah Berner?

  That is so page coded.

• 8:12Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, just her whole aesthetic. I was so proud of her for being a plastic surgeon.

• 8:17Hannah Berner?

  I'm just laughing cuz the Groupon places I've been to, you would call the police.

• 8:24Paige DeSorbo?

  This is literally insane. So anyway, so I got microneedling done. You go in, they numb your whole face with like a cream for like 30 minutes. And I mean, you're numb. Then the procedure takes maybe 15 minutes. It basically feels like they're stamping your skin. And like you feel it a little bit, but here's what I'll say in terms of pain tolerance. I actually think laser hair removal hurts. Do you think it hurts?

• 8:51Hannah Berner?

  It's definitely not comfortable, but it doesn't hurt compared to waxing.

• 8:54Paige DeSorbo?

  Okay, this hurts less than laser hair removal and it's way quicker. They do like a pass on your face three times, I would say.

• 9:03Hannah Berner?

  Does she recommend this over like all the laser facials that the girls are doing?

• 9:08Paige DeSorbo?

  Different. It's different. Like it gives you different.

• 9:12Hannah Berner?

  Results.

• 9:12Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, like microneedling, I feel like is for boost of collagen.

• 9:18Hannah Berner?

  Hmm, but we're 27.

• 9:20Paige DeSorbo?

  I know.

• 9:21Hannah Berner?

  Forever.

• 9:22Paige DeSorbo?

  But here's the other thing why I liked her. Like when I'm laying in the chair and she's talking to me, like we're talking about like girl stuff. Like we were literally talking about if we wanted to get boob jobs or not.

• 9:33Hannah Berner?

  She was selling you a boob job.

• 9:35Paige DeSorbo?

  No, she was saying like reasons why she was like, well, this is like reasons why some people don't want to get them. And this is reasons why I personally haven't gotten them. But like I do think about it. Like it just felt like.

• 9:45Hannah Berner?

  Cause your plastic surgeon at the end of the day is just a girl.

• 9:47Paige DeSorbo?

  Well, I'm laying there and I'm like, oh, everyone is just a girl. Everyone is just a girl and we want to talk about girl things.

• 9:57Hannah Berner?

  Not to come for the men only six minutes into the pod, but like when there's a man who does like facial surgery, especially who's straight, I'm like, men can't tell if you got a haircut. How are you changing like the subtleties of someone's nose?

• 10:15Paige DeSorbo?

  I don't think I've ever met a man with a nose job.

• 10:19Hannah Berner?

  They're out there, but not straight men. Cause because I think a nose that looks kind of broken is like considered hot. Yeah, hot.

• 10:28Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah. Well, because remember like two summers ago, the guys got rat guy summer and I'm like. That was

• 10:35Hannah Berner?

  That guy's got

• 10:36Paige DeSorbo?

  No, that's

• 10:37Hannah Berner?

  You see a headline and you go, their PR company's fucking great.

• 10:40Paige DeSorbo?

  Crazy, like, they get dad bots, they get rock guy summer. It's like, what do we have?

• 10:44Hannah Berner?

  Oh, one last giggler message. She is woman of STEM of the week. She said that she finished giving her boyfriend a blowjob, and after he came, she went, "Women in STEM?" And he said, "What?" And she goes, "Never mind."

• 11:02Hannah Berner?

  Iconic.

• 11:03Paige DeSorbo?

  That's hilarious.

• 11:04Hannah Berner?

  Iconic.

• 11:04Paige DeSorbo?

  I love that.

• 11:05Hannah Berner?

  Yeah.

• 11:06Paige DeSorbo?

  Okay, so anyway, so I get the microneedling done, and then they gave me products to use for like, the next five days. Literally no downtime. If I wanted to put makeup on tonight, I could. It's like a gentle face wash, a hot, like, good moisturizer.

• 11:22Hannah Berner?

  You want to be, what's it called? The person that does stuff for your face?

• 11:26Paige DeSorbo?

  Esthetician.

• 11:27Hannah Berner?

  Esthetician, what's the other one that pops pimples?

• 11:30Paige DeSorbo?

  Terminologist.

• 11:31Hannah Berner?

  You want to be it so bad, you're pretending you are one right now and you're loving it. You're like, and then you used to use a light cleanser.

• 11:37Paige DeSorbo?

  I just love talking about my hobby. Okay?

• 11:42Hannah Berner?

  Sorry, you don't have a passion. If you had a passion.

• 11:45Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, and do you want to know what? You have to go for three sessions, six weeks in between, and then you don't have to go again for like, a year, or like, six months. And I'm really excited to see this journey.

• 11:57Hannah Berner?

  I love how you went from Botox to this, and I really hope in seven months, you aren't on Us Weekly being like, "Don't get microneedling."

• 12:07Paige DeSorbo?

  Wait, did you see Page Six wrote an article, and then Khloe Kardashian commented it? And I was like, "Oh my god."

• 12:14Hannah Berner?

  What'd they write an article about?

• 12:15Paige DeSorbo?

  Okay, Page Six wrote an article about how I said Khloe Kardashian's perfume was the best perfume I've ever smelled. And then Khloe commented it, and it was like, "Oh my god, this is like, so nice," or something. And then I see the gigglers being like, "It's a..."

• 12:30Paige DeSorbo?

  The one time I like say I like something and I like messed it up. Page six needs to get, something else needs to happen on reality TV, like, come on.

• 12:43Hannah Berner?

  Well, they also like to take things factually when it's, it's full of, it's a bit, it's full of a bit. You can't just take half of the bit and post it somewhere.

• 12:51Paige DeSorbo?

  Again, this is my personal diary.

• 12:56Hannah Berner?

  Well, shout out to Clo Clo, we love you.

• 12:59Paige DeSorbo?

  No, and I, I'm sure her perfumes are amazing. She is a celebrity, like, you know, when you look at a celebrity and you're like, like Claire Danes, you look at a celebrity and you're like, there's something about you that I'm scared of and I don't want to be on your bad side. When I look at Khloe Kardashian, there's something about her that I'm like, I bet your house smells so good.

• 13:21Hannah Berner?

  Well, I know that for a fact.

• 13:22Paige DeSorbo?

  There's just something about her where I'm like, I bet she smells so phenomenal.

• 13:27Hannah Berner?

  Well, I watched her, I re-watch her Netflix show where they organize her house.

• 13:33Paige DeSorbo?

  Oh.

• 13:35Hannah Berner?

  Oh, and she's like, they basically were like, we don't even have to be here because Khloe's already insanely organized, but we're going to organize her organized house. And when I'm bored and don't want to clean my own house, which is every day, I'll watch organization shows. It's like my version of porn. It's like, I can't do that, but let's watch people who can.

• 13:51Paige DeSorbo?

  Or like it's your version of like a motivational speaker.

• 13:55Hannah Berner?

  Yep, and then I never start the business.

• 13:57Paige DeSorbo?

  It's your Tony Robbins.

• 14:01Paige DeSorbo?

  Where has he been? People don't talk about him enough.

• 14:03Hannah Berner?

  Good. Go to sleep.

• 14:05Paige DeSorbo?

  I feel like there was like a time, like in the early 2000s, late 90s, where there was like a lot of male motivational speakers happening.

• 14:14Hannah Berner?

  Well, there still are. Now they're podcasters. He has a podcast for sure.

• 14:19Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 14:21Hannah Berner?

  I want to bring back the word baloney. Like when someone is like, just like, full of baloney, it's baloney. Someone says something, baloney, that's baloney.

• 14:31Paige DeSorbo?

  Do you remember in high school?

• 14:32Hannah Berner?

  Say baloney again.

• 14:35Paige DeSorbo?

  My story's about baloney.

• 14:38Paige DeSorbo?

  Spell it.

• 14:40Hannah Berner?

  B A.

• 14:42Paige DeSorbo?

  No. B A? Even I wouldn't have said B A.

• 14:46Hannah Berner?

  There's the Italian version and then the American version. Baloney is B L, B A L O N E Y, American, but the Italian is B O L O G N A. Baloney.

• 14:59Paige DeSorbo?

  I'm gonna fact check that one.

• 15:03Paige DeSorbo?

  How did you spell your Italian version?

• 15:06Hannah Berner?

  B O L O G N A.

• 15:07Paige DeSorbo?

  No, you said B A.

• 15:09Hannah Berner?

  No, the American was B A.

• 15:11Paige DeSorbo?

  No, none of them in no version ever is it B A.

• 15:18Hannah Berner?

  Okay, how do you spell baloney?

• 15:19Paige DeSorbo?

  Uh, B O L O.

• 15:21Hannah Berner?

  It's B A. What are you Googling?

• 15:24Paige DeSorbo?

  I didn't, I stopped.

• 15:28Hannah Berner?

  Well, we just had an alphabet faceoff on Giggly Squad.

• 15:36Hannah Berner?

  Look, don't tell me to spell shit, cuz I actually am good at spelling.

• 15:38Paige DeSorbo?

  Why does it keep becoming a baloney's?

• 15:41Hannah Berner?

  Cuz you're hungry.

• 15:47Paige DeSorbo?

  Okay, you know what?

• 15:49Hannah Berner?

  Fuck you.

• 15:50Paige DeSorbo?

  Am I taking an L on this one because?

• 15:55Hannah Berner?

  No, do you know why?

• 15:55Paige DeSorbo?

  I have my period and I don't feel like.

• 15:58Hannah Berner?

  I got my period this morning.

• 16:01Paige DeSorbo?

  Oh no, that's not a good sign. That means the gigglers have synced up and that's actually a Ponzi scheme. Like, that's a real problem.

• 16:09Hannah Berner?

  Well, Dez yesterday said, are you PMSing? And I said, okay, if, if this is me PMSing, just like questioning if we should go to the, eat the same food two nights in a row, I must be a fucking angel. If this is so bad, me PMSing. And he's just like laughing and then in the morning I'm like, I got my period. He's like, I know. And I was like so mad, he was right. I don't think you're meaner with your period, you just notice things better. Like, other things that would, I'd just let go by on my, when I'm PMSing, I'm like, why would you say it in that tone, though?

• 16:42Paige DeSorbo?

  I'm more in tune with shit.

• 16:44Hannah Berner?

  Yeah, like, I'm like, feeling everything.

• 16:47Paige DeSorbo?

  I'm clocking?

• 16:48Hannah Berner?

  I'm clocking everyone.

• 16:52Hannah Berner?

  I was like, I think I'm just too nice when I'm not PMSing. I think PMSing is when like.

• 16:56Paige DeSorbo?

  Like the words have come out of my mouth. Where I'm like, yeah, sorry, that was crazy. And I had my period and I apologized.

• 17:07Hannah Berner?

  You know what it is? It's that you can find a problem with everything in this life and three weeks out of the four, I don't. I choose the high road, but that one week I'm PMSing, I'm, I'm like, and that's wrong, and that's wrong, and I'm annoyed.

• 17:20Paige DeSorbo?

  You know what men are like? Women can't run the country because like they PMS and they'll just like blow somewhere up and like get into a fight with some country. Like, I do feel like that about myself, though.

• 17:32Hannah Berner?

  I thought you were gonna say something empowering. I thought you were gonna be like, you go, keep me away from the nuclear weapons.

• 17:38Paige DeSorbo?

  Because you know what? If I was the president and someone pissed me off.

• 17:45Paige DeSorbo?

  You know, here's the thing, though. I would have a lot of AIDS. Like, my mom would be the first line of defense of like Paige. I think that's like an extreme ver- like,

• 17:54Hannah Berner?

  Yes.

• 17:55Paige DeSorbo?

  decision. So I'm not worried, but like, sometimes when I hear people say that, like about women, I'm like, I do do crazy shit when I have my period.

• 18:03Hannah Berner?

  You know, do you know I wanted to be president when I was little? Like, I wanted to be the first female president. And then I realized later in life that, um, I don't want to be a liar.

• 18:12Paige DeSorbo?

  Only men can do that?

• 18:14Hannah Berner?

  Yeah, like, men are good politicians because they lie and they're fake.

• 18:17Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, here's the thing. You can never be fake. It's actually so annoying.

• 18:21Hannah Berner?

  It's actually ruined.

• 18:23Paige DeSorbo?

  A lot of.

• 18:26Hannah Berner?

  Wait, can I please? I read on then, a TikTok comes up of like a clip of you on a reality TV show. And there was one where someone was like, Paige's ability to not speak at certain times needs to be studied. And I actually, as a student of the game, rewatched this and was like, how many times would I have taught a failure? But this is the thing, when I would be there with you, I'd be like, is she spacing out? Like, how is she not saying anything? I didn't realize that you're playing chess while I'm out here playing checkers, and you're waiting for the confessional to give the tea. You're writing notes in your head, one-liners. But Paige, how were you in a scenario, watching something, and you just let it happen without speaking up?

• 19:12Paige DeSorbo?

  I know a clip that you're talking about, and I remember that moment.

• 19:16Hannah Berner?

  Why didn't you speak up?

• 19:17Paige DeSorbo?

  I hate to break it to you, I was spacing out during that.

• 19:24Paige DeSorbo?

  Do you want to know exactly what it was? I had just gotten my eyelashes done, and I hated them, okay? And they were poke, there was parts that were poking me in my eye. And so, I know through that entire conversation, I caught the tail end, because I was...

• 19:42Paige DeSorbo?

  I was like, I know for a fact that my eyelashes look ridiculous.

• 19:45Hannah Berner?

  People love cutting up clips of your reactions to things, being like, Paige knows. And I'm like, no, she was thinking about completely other things.

• 19:56Paige DeSorbo?

  Look, I'm never going against good PR, honey.

• 20:00Hannah Berner?

  And I'm not trying to expose you, because sometimes it is what it is.

• 20:03Paige DeSorbo?

  Sometimes I will be knowing things.

• 20:05Hannah Berner?

  Sometimes you do, sometime, a lot of times you are.

• 20:07Paige DeSorbo?

  No, sometimes I do, I, I am a witch, like, I do feel things.

• 20:11Hannah Berner?

  We'd film like a whole day, and you wouldn't say a word.

• 20:14Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 20:15Hannah Berner?

  If you weren't in the mood.

• 20:16Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 20:17Hannah Berner?

  But then, you'd have a day, I was like, oh, she's, she came to work, she's wearing her Prada.

• 20:26Hannah Berner?

  Paige was...

• 20:28Hannah Berner?

  When she put together an outfit, I knew someone was about to get yelled at. I was so scared. So scared.

• 20:34Paige DeSorbo?

  I had so many tells that no one ever picked up on. I was like, I'm in full white, honey, someone's getting yelled at, I have to look virginal, I have to look bridal.

• 20:44Hannah Berner?

  No underliner, you're like, I'm just a fresh, young, angelic angel.

• 20:48Paige DeSorbo?

  I'm like, me do something evil, I'm an angel.

• 20:51Hannah Berner?

  I'm wearing white.

• 20:55Hannah Berner?

  I have a Peplum top on.

• 20:57Paige DeSorbo?

  One day, there is a world where this podcast is just a Summer House recap show.

• 21:03Hannah Berner?

  And the day that happens, the internet's gonna break.

• 21:06Paige DeSorbo?

  The day that happens is the day like my Medicare kicks in.

• 21:12Paige DeSorbo?

  It's time Hannah, run back the tapes.

• 21:14Hannah Berner?

  But like, one episode could take us like

• 21:17Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, we'd never get through it.

• 21:18Hannah Berner?

  We'd be dead before. That's why we're doing it at the end of our lives. Why do you think more people in their 90s don't do like heroin and meth?

• 21:26Paige DeSorbo?

  And do like crazy shit? What are you talking about? Like?

• 21:29Hannah Berner?

  I guess they're all on morphine.

• 21:31Paige DeSorbo?

  The STD rate in nursing homes is like rampant.

• 21:35Hannah Berner?

  Like people are dying from like a?

• 21:37Paige DeSorbo?

  No, they're not dying. They're just like all getting infected because they're all, they're in this like incubus.

• 21:44Hannah Berner?

  That's the reality show I wanna watch. Seeing who Gertrude is gonna fuck.

• 21:48Paige DeSorbo?

  Can I tell you something crazy? One of my friends reached out to me like not too long ago, who was like, hey, I have this like TV show idea, like I wanna run it by you. And so he's like running it by me and it's basically that. Like it's a nursing home, but it's like reality TV.

• 22:05Hannah Berner?

  Of.

• 22:06Paige DeSorbo?

  And so I like put him in touch with like some people that like I feel like could talk to him, whatever. And this one guy like calls me about it and he's like, hey, like I've seen this show pitched before. People have tried to make it. Like I've seen pilots. I've even seen like first seasons of things. And he goes, I'm gonna say something that's like really unfortunate and like this isn't coming from me. It's just like what happens in this specific genre? I was like, okay. He was like, people don't want to watch old people on TV. Because one, they're like not as good looking as if you put a bunch of 20 year olds in a house. So people like fall off. He was like, also like

• 22:50Paige DeSorbo?

  not, they're not doing anything. Like they're not, we're not tracking anything because like they're so old, like they are going to die.

• 22:57Hannah Berner?

  Okay, well, I have, I have thoughts.

• 22:59Paige DeSorbo?

  And like people can watch someone, like a love on the spectrum and not feel that way. But when it comes to like older people where like they're maybe dying because of just old age, people tend to find like the lack of empathy.

• 23:16Hannah Berner?

  Okay, but if you need drama, there's no much better drama than being like, where's Mildred? And they're like. She's not coming to breakfast.

• 23:28Hannah Berner?

  And someone's like, she owes me $20.

• 23:31Paige DeSorbo?

  But like, as someone who's like, I love watching hot people on TV. It's like my favorite thing.

• 23:36Hannah Berner?

  I think this guy's wrong because one, um, what's it called when they're in the water doing their exercises? Like jazzercise?

• 23:44Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, like aerobics, water aerobics.

• 23:46Hannah Berner?

  Water aerobics, that gets crazy. Um, they always have different talents come in.

• 23:50Paige DeSorbo?

  You would just need a cast of like, you would just need it to be phenomenally casted.

• 23:56Hannah Berner?

  But Paige, it's gonna be like Below Deck where who are the people working in the work in the nursing home?

• 24:02Paige DeSorbo?

  Well, I think that would actually be a better.

• 24:05Hannah Berner?

  So you're actually following the people who work for it, but then you get all the comedic timing of old people who don't give a fuck. I mean, my grandpa went on Summer House and looked at the camera and said, I hate the Hamptons.

• 24:18Paige DeSorbo?

  Actually, a good show for that would be like how they filmed The Office. It'd almost be like a fake documentary style of a nursing home.

• 24:26Hannah Berner?

  And it's cute where like you come in, it's already a community and be like.

• 24:29Paige DeSorbo?

  Look at us having a business meeting on Giggly's. Guys, sorry.

• 24:33Hannah Berner?

  By the way, this is what it's like to get on a Zoom with us as a production company and like 40 minutes later, they're like, we actually do script it.

• 24:44Paige DeSorbo?

  Today we were in a meeting. Look, sometimes we're in meetings and like, sometimes they're think tanks, they're brainstorms. We're like, what can we create? What's like the story of our lives? And sometimes Hannah will throw out the most insane things and she'll be like, yeah, and I sent my friend and everyone knows it's me. And it's the most insane thing you've ever heard. And everyone just kind of looks at me like, damn, she was in a dark place at that time.

• 25:14Hannah Berner?

  I go, I had this friend once.

• 25:17Paige DeSorbo?

  Who dated a really horrible guy and I would send her articles and I'm just like, oh my God. I'm like, was me?

• 25:24Hannah Berner?

  Has anyone ever sent articles to their friend that are like scientific about like what's going on hormonally? When they like meet a guy and like what month they start getting annoyed with him and what month? Like you cannot trust yourself because like you're just on like a crazy serotonin high.

• 25:41Paige DeSorbo?

  No, they don't.

• 25:44Hannah Berner?

  That's why I'm gonna sit down with my daughter and be like, "The first four months don't count, cuz you guys are sniffing each other's, you know, armpits."

• 25:51Paige DeSorbo?

  You send me scientific data. Like, you send me, like, "Dr. Ashwagandha said." And Stephanie will send me, like, the most spiritual, like, psychedelic, like, "This is what your aura is saying right now." So I always get, like...

• 26:10Hannah Berner?

  Sorry, like, to cite my sources.

• 26:12Paige DeSorbo?

  I get eastern and western mother's.

• 26:13Hannah Berner?

  And we know where you go. We know where you go.

• 26:17Paige DeSorbo?

  And I'm like, "Guys, okay." I have no idea what I'm talking about when it comes to protein bars. All I know is that they taste good. David Protein Bars now offers two industry-leading protein bars, David's Gold and Bronze. I'm already kind of obsessed, especially because their packaging is so cute. The Gold Protein Bar has 28 grams of protein, 150 calories, and zero sugar. The Bronze Bar is still high in protein with even more decadence. With 20 grams of protein, 150 calories, and zero sugar, you're going to end up reaching for both of them. Most protein bars are packed with excess calories and sugar, but David's bars are different, delivering the most protein for the fewest calories.

• 27:01Paige DeSorbo?

  They're great for staying full and hitting your protein goals without compromising on taste or texture. I'm obsessed with chocolate chip cookie dough, and if there's anything peanut butter chocolate chunk, consider me in. I'm also loving the cinnamon roll and the blueberry pie. They truly are the perfect little treat, so don't just take my word for it, try it for yourself. David is offering our listeners a special deal: Buy four cartons and get the fifth free when you go to davidprotein.com/giggly. That's davidprotein.com/giggly.

• 27:33Paige DeSorbo?

  Okay, autumn in New York is the season where we can finally start dressing again. Every single thing is an excuse to put on a look. Going to work, outfit. Leading a meeting, outfit. Getting drinks with your friends, obviously outfit. And as we all know, every great outfit starts from the feet up. That is why I'm currently obsessed with Allies from Sam Edelman. They're a ballet flat, but a little something extra for fall. A contrasting velvet cap toe, I have them in this gorgeous azure blue, which is like a dusty muted blue that somehow goes with everything, even Daphne's eyes. They're so cute, and I'm already envisioning my next outfit. Straight leg jeans, an oversized blazer, and a little shoulder bag. Very, I just threw this on when we all know I absolutely did not. And Hannah is loving hers too.

• 28:17Paige DeSorbo?

  She has the Michaela, which is the Sam Edelman's take on a Mary Jane. And this season, it comes in the chicest leopard. So gorge, so easy, and exactly the kind of shoe that makes an otherwise basic outfit look like you actually tried. And there's so much more coming from Sam Edelman this fall beyond these two. Like the new Teigan and Tallulah pumps, plus ready-to-wear handbags, fragrances, and even a new men's collection. So basically, you can make sure both you and your man are looking good for date night. Because we're not doing all that getting dressed just to let him show up in a t-shirt. Head to samedelman.com and get 15% off with code GIGGLY15. This episode is sponsored by the new Hershey's Creme Bars in Salted Caramel and Afegato.

• 28:59Paige DeSorbo?

  Lately, I've been realizing that luxury doesn't have to mean some huge splurge. Sometimes it's just taking a few minutes to yourself during a busy day. I have one of these moments, oh, I don't know, every day around 2 o'clock. Whether that's making a pick-me-up coffee, or maybe I just need to scroll for a little bit on the couch. That's why I'm actually so excited about the new Hershey's Salted Caramel and Afegato Creme Bars available now. I absolutely love a treat-yourself moment in the middle of the day, and this is a classic Hershey's Milk Chocolate layered with a Salted Caramel or Afegato Creme filling. So it feels a little elevated while still being your favorite Hershey's chocolate. Pick up the new Hershey's Creme Bars in Salted Caramel or Afegato

• 29:44Paige DeSorbo?

  wherever you shop for snacks and choose happiness with every bite. Can we talk about the difference between a home that's furnished and a home that's intentional? Because if you're still living with a mattress on the floor at 25, that's crazy. And Cozy is here to help. Bed frames, sofas, rugs, shelves, tables. Cozy has everything and it all comes in boxes directly to your door. Cozy furniture is modular, so the piece you buy for your current place can reconfigure to fit your next one. And you can always add as your space and taste evolves. You can swap covers when you want to change and they go right in the wash whenever you spill something. If you have no clue where to start, they offer free one-on-one design consultations so a real person can help you plan your space. No fees.

• 30:28Paige DeSorbo?

  So transform your living space today with Cozy. That's C-O-Z-E-Y dot com. Make yourself at home. If your anxiety, depression, or ADHD are more than just a rough patch, you might need more than just talk therapy or self-help tools. Talkiatory connects you with real psychiatric care so you can actually understand what's going on and get a treatment plan that works. Talkiatory is 100% online psychiatric practice that provides comprehensive evaluations, diagnoses, and ongoing medication management for conditions like ADHD, anxiety, depression, and much more. Unlike therapy-only platforms, Talkiatory is psychiatry. You're seeing a medical provider who can diagnose mental health conditions and prescribe medication when it's appropriate.

• 31:12Paige DeSorbo?

  You can meet with a licensed psychiatrist who takes the time to understand what's going on, builds a personalized treatment plan, and supports you over time with consistent, evidence-based care. And because you continue with the same provider, you're not starting over each time. Your treatment can evolve with you and you can actually make progress over time. Head to talkiatory.com/giggly to complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes. That's T-A-L-K-I-A-T-R-Y dot com slash giggly to get matched in minutes. Talkiatory dot com slash giggly. Okay, switching gears.

• 31:49Paige DeSorbo?

  You know, it just came across my desk and I like.

• 31:51Hannah Berner?

  I'm so hungry right now. Sorry.

• 31:53Paige DeSorbo?

  Me too.

• 31:54Hannah Berner?

  So, like, it just hit me.

• 31:57Paige DeSorbo?

  Wait, listen to this. This is really bad and my mom's gonna be so mad at me.

• 32:02Hannah Berner?

  Okay.

• 32:02Paige DeSorbo?

  10pm last night. I need a little snack. I little, I need a nosh.

• 32:07Hannah Berner?

  A little whimsy.

• 32:08Paige DeSorbo?

  Like, something. And it's not to the point where like, I'm ordering something. And like, the thought of like, getting up and cooking something, I'm just like, who do I think I am? But then I got a grilled cheese in my head and I was like, whatever. It takes literally five minutes to make a grilled cheese.

• 32:25Hannah Berner?

  You're a chef.

• 32:25Paige DeSorbo?

  I'm a chef. I get up, I make my grilled cheese, I go back to my bed.

• 32:29Hannah Berner?

  Do you put butter or mayonnaise on it?

• 32:31Paige DeSorbo?

  So I put butter in the pan and then mayo on the sides of the bread.

• 32:35Hannah Berner?

  You naughty little girl.

• 32:37Paige DeSorbo?

  No, she's crazy. She's zany. Um.

• 32:41Hannah Berner?

  You dirty dog.

• 32:43Paige DeSorbo?

  I go to bed. Great. I wake up this morning, I grab my dish from my, the night side table. I'm bringing it downstairs. I'm about to make my hot water with lemon before I go to get my micro needling. I'm having a.

• 32:55Hannah Berner?

  I'm obsessed with you.

• 32:56Paige DeSorbo?

  I'm having the most page morning of page morning. I give Kitty a kiss, I give her some food, we're having a time. I walk in the kitchen and I'm like, it's a little warm.

• 33:06Hannah Berner?

  No.

• 33:07Paige DeSorbo?

  And I left the stove on the entire night.

• 33:10Hannah Berner?

  Wait, i- isn't that like, how you die?

• 33:13Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, I could have blown up.

• 33:14Hannah Berner?

  No, but also from the CO2, don't you have like, um, a thing to alarm to go off if that?

• 33:20Paige DeSorbo?

  Oh, like, carbon monoxide?

• 33:22Hannah Berner?

  Yeah, carbon monoxide poisoning.

• 33:24Paige DeSorbo?

  I didn't know that.

• 33:25Hannah Berner?

  Now you're gonna be Googling side effects of carbon monoxide poisoning.

• 33:29Paige DeSorbo?

  But is carbon monoxide fire?

• 33:32Hannah Berner?

  So, anyway, don't leave your oven on. It's really, really, really unsafe. This is why you don't cook.

• 33:39Paige DeSorbo?

  Okay, now I'm like, to have to air out the whole.

• 33:41Hannah Berner?

  Yes, open. But I feel like if you were gonna die from carbon monoxide, it would have happened last night. Like, I feel like if it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger. Like, now you're like Spider-Man. Like, you could probably like, grow walls now or something.

• 33:54Paige DeSorbo?

  You know those women whose like husbands try to poison them, but they don't do enough? So it's like their body just like absorbs it. Like, I feel like I'm the type of woman that like, a man would have to try and kill me like so many different times. It'd be like a funny movie. Like every time I just like weirdly get out of it.

• 34:11Hannah Berner?

  Or you'd be like, hmm, I think I fixed something. Suddenly I've had more energy I've ever had before.

• 34:17Paige DeSorbo?

  Right, like they inject me and I'm like, I was actually testosterone deficient.

• 34:21Hannah Berner?

  There was a documentary, shoot, where was it? I think it was Argentina. I think it was Argentina, about this old lady who, oh my god, she started killing all her friends. Because she started her own Ponzi scheme. Oh, that's how everything's coming together, what we've been talking about today. And um, she basically would get them to lend her money and then she'd, she started Ponzi scheme within her tea club. Like her mahjong group, basically. She got them all to lend her money. And then, once they started saying like, hey, can I have my money back? She would poison them and kill them.

• 35:02Hannah Berner?

  But they're like, all like eighty, so the first one dies and everyone's like, yeah, eighty percent died. And then, two weeks later, another one of them dies because she like fell. And everyone's like, RIP. And then a third one dies and no one thinks of anything, but then finally they start to realize that every old person who died is owed. Um, she owes money to. And she was literally like, putting little bits of stuff in their tea and killing all her friends.

• 35:30Paige DeSorbo?

  Oh my god.

• 35:31Hannah Berner?

  Yeah, but she still says it wasn't her because they don't actually have the evidence, but they're like, three old ladies who were in your coffee club. Eating biscuits with you, you owe them all twenty grand and they're all dead? And she's like.

• 35:45Paige DeSorbo?

  This is recent or like this is an older documentary?

• 35:47Hannah Berner?

  This is like, it was twenty years ago when it happened.

• 35:50Paige DeSorbo?

  Oh, so she's dead.

• 35:51Hannah Berner?

  I think she might still be alive, I don't know. I don't like Google stuff after, but um.

• 35:55Paige DeSorbo?

  I wonder if she was like eighty?

• 35:58Hannah Berner?

  But I love how when women kill, they do it, they do it tastefully.

• 36:02Paige DeSorbo?

  It's just always shocking when a woman does something, but I hate that it gives the men like any.

• 36:10Hannah Berner?

  Well, you know what I would say? Not all women. Not all women. Also was pissing me off is I watched Laney Wilson's documentary on Netflix. Yeah, I saw that. She's so cute and she has a big ass, so I feel like we're like connected. I'm like, she's one of us. She's one of us. And she's- So why you love Elle Fanning? I've never- Yeah, didn't you- -thought about Elle Fanning's butt. I thought you just said that you love the Fanning sisters. I do, but not, but I wasn't, I wasn't like sexualizing her butt. Oh, because everyone says like Elle Fanning has like the best body. I mean, she has an amazing body. I have to check out her butt after this, thank you, but that's my to-do list.

• 36:52Hannah Berner?

  Look, am I a country girl? Some, not really, but I appreciate a good music documentary. Yeah, you have red hair. Yes. Country music's crazy because it's one of those things that they're like, it's for the boys. Yeah, they hate women in it. It's like how only men could be chefs, but women cook. And it's like, in country music, it's for the men. It's like stand-up comedy where it's like, it's for the men. Like I, I related to her because I felt like women in country music are like female stand-ups. Really like any women in any sports. I'm sure they have stories for days. Story for day, but it's just so funny. Who decided like a genre of music was for men? The men.

• 37:33Hannah Berner?

  But I've never like heard a woman sing and been like, that would have been better if a man sang it. Right. Never. And then, yeah, like all the pop girlies are like killing it, but then if there's like too much guitar, you're like, no, that's a man. That's a man that sings that about beer. If you sing about beer, you gotta be a man. There's also so many like subsets of country music. Well, that's why they were so mad about Beyonce. They were like, no, this is not country music. And she's from Houston. Right. So I just want to shout out all the women fighting for their voice in country music. Also, when I think of country music, I think of the girls. I think of Shania Twain. I think of Dolly Parton. I don't think of- I've never thought.

• 38:16Paige DeSorbo?

  You know something that did come across my desk that was actually like quite concerning? Wait first, did you see that Harry Styles and Joey Kravitz might be engaged?

• 38:24Hannah Berner?

  Yeah, I feel like the new celebrity thing is like after Zendaya did not show her wedding, everyone was like, wait, that's cool. So now everyone's trying to do everything on this, on the down low.

• 38:34Paige DeSorbo?

  Do you think?

• 38:35Hannah Berner?

  I think it's more fun to wonder.

• 38:37Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, that was so pessimistic of you, but I don't know if they're not share. I feel like they're just not sharing it because they're such A-list celebrities. And he's got a salator, honey.

• 38:47Hannah Berner?

  Oh, true. I've also gotten on a weird TikTok algorithm of psychics like telling me the vibes they get from couples. Have you ever gotten on that?

• 38:57Paige DeSorbo?

  Yes, I love it.

• 38:58Hannah Berner?

  It's and they're always like, this is, this could be completely false. And this is just based on what I think.

• 39:03Paige DeSorbo?

  Cause then I'm like, I'm a witch, I knew it. I think she's a Scorpio. I really feel like I could, I would connect with her. Sometimes I see her in clips and I'm like, that would be my friend.

• 39:14Hannah Berner?

  She's a nepo baby that people don't talk shit about because she's such a cool nepo baby. Like her parents are so cool that they're like, you should be in front of the camera.

• 39:24Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, Lenny Kravitz is somewhere like, say it. I dare you.

• 39:27Hannah Berner?

  That's what I want to watch. That's, that's celebrity. Lenny Kravitz and Charlize Theron.

• 39:35Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, those are A-list celebrities. We're losing the art of A-list and I, I don't, I, that's sad to me. We've lost club culture. I don't want to lose the art of like an A-list celeb.

• 39:46Hannah Berner?

  Because A-lists want podcasts and podcasters want to be A-list.

• 39:51Paige DeSorbo?

  No.

• 39:52Hannah Berner?

  It's gotten gray.

• 39:53Paige DeSorbo?

  Stop, guys.

• 39:54Hannah Berner?

  It's gotten gray.

• 39:55Paige DeSorbo?

  But then there was like a blind item weird rumor that was like Taylor Swift was mad that Joey Kravitz was dating Harry Styles, but I forgot that Taylor Swift even dated Harry Styles, but also I'm like, she's engaged. I doubt she would be mad.

• 40:09Hannah Berner?

  I have a good question.

• 40:10Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 40:11Hannah Berner?

  In terms of your friends and who they dated, is there an expiration date? Like how long?

• 40:16Paige DeSorbo?

  What do you mean?

• 40:17Hannah Berner?

  How long has to go by before you're cool with them dating an ex?

• 40:22Paige DeSorbo?

  You know Hannah?

• 40:23Hannah Berner?

  What a crazy question.

• 40:24Paige DeSorbo?

  Phenomenal question.

• 40:26Hannah Berner?

  Thank you.

• 40:26Paige DeSorbo?

  And I truly think every situation is unique because there are men that I dated for years that if my closest friend called me and said, hey, I'm going to hook up with him. I would not care.

• 40:43Paige DeSorbo?

  I would less than not care.

• 40:46Paige DeSorbo?

  I would be worried for her. And I'd give her all my concerns, but I'd also be like, I couldn't give a flying fuck.

• 40:54Hannah Berner?

  I've also dated nice guys that I'm like, I'm not the one for you, but like, I really want you to meet someone and I have some friends if you like to talk.

• 41:01Paige DeSorbo?

  Totally. And then it's like, I have a situationship that like, we could have hooked up five times. And if someone called me and said they were going out on a date, I would melt to the ground. I'd be like, no, you can't do that to me.

• 41:14Hannah Berner?

  No, that's such a good point because we're all just like energies, like meeting each other, but there's certain people in your life that you're like, that's my man forever.

• 41:24Paige DeSorbo?

  Like, there's definitely certain men that I'm like, we never dated, but like, we dated. You know, we dated and I know we dated and we had like a weird, you know, but like, we never actually dated.

• 41:38Paige DeSorbo?

  Also, I think things get so changed so much when you cross over into your 30s because relationships go quicker.

• 41:45Hannah Berner?

  If you dated a guy and then your friend starts dating him like a couple of years later, then you do look at her funny like, okay, the whole time were you like eyeing him? Like, were you even giving me good advice? Like, you start just like thinking about that. I also feel like if you have a crush on your close friend's man, that will hurt your relationship with her. Cause like, you can't act normal.

• 42:08Paige DeSorbo?

  Right.

• 42:09Hannah Berner?

  And I also think that's why it's important to be in relationships like me and you, where we have such opposite tastes in men. It's so funny.

• 42:19Paige DeSorbo?

  Anyone that I would go for, you would be like, that's adorable.

• 42:24Hannah Berner?

  Yeah. Every now and then you'll dabble in my kinda man. And I will be like, why the fuck did you do that? That's a horrible idea.

• 42:34Paige DeSorbo?

  Well, because any guy that I've dated that I've really liked, like, cause there's some I've dated that I'm like, wait, I hated you the whole time and that's, that says more about me than you.

• 42:44Hannah Berner?

  Hate and love are close emotions.

• 42:47Paige DeSorbo?

  And like, that's my own trauma. But the guys that I've had like the best relationships with. Are the men that love how girly I am?

• 42:56Hannah Berner?

  Oh my god. That's why no man has ever been attracted to both of us too.

• 43:01Paige DeSorbo?

  But I'm like just thinking of like what relationships I would categorize as like those were learning lessons. That was actually a good, healthy relationship, wrong timing, or like this was a bad relationship. Like when I look back on my life of dating, you can, you really can see the level of like either mental illness or the level of confidence and it's kind of crazy.

• 43:25Hannah Berner?

  Well, we talked about this before, but I think seesawing is so real. Whatever happens in your last relationship, you search, like you overcompensate for the opposite. And then you keep seesawing until you find that like middle ground. Exactly, exactly. But it's also interesting as you get older, like people get divorced, stuff like that. There's so many, I think, you don't even have to be in a small town though, because LA and New York, I feel like that happens all the time. But I guess, no, LA is like a small town because like they're all fucking, famous people all fuck each other. So there's a lot of like, oh, he's now with her ex-husband.

• 44:00Paige DeSorbo?

  I'm nervous and scared, but excited for the tea. In like 10 years when we get to the point where like everyone's getting divorced.

• 44:11Hannah Berner?

  It's gonna be crazy, but also empowering. Like when

• 44:14Paige DeSorbo?

  It's gonna be really empowering.

• 44:15Hannah Berner?

  I love when girls divorce. I feel like it's so exciting. But and then also like there's a whole crop of divorced men who are pre-trained and so tired from being yelled at. And like had court ordered therapy that are like coming out of that relationship better.

• 44:29Paige DeSorbo?

  Like I have one girlfriend, I have one girlfriend and she's single and we'll like talk about dating or whatever. And she'll say like, no, no, I'm second wife energy. Like I, and I just kind of love it like, because she's like, I know what I want and what is gonna happen for me. And like my energy is second wife and I'm fine with that and I'm waiting for that. And I'm like, okay.

• 44:52Hannah Berner?

  That's so good. I actually just thought of something of why. I feel like I've never, I've never double dipped with a friend and I think it's because I'm too competitive. No, not competitive, but prideful. Because my thing is I never want to be with a man who didn't choose me the first time.

• 45:08Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 45:08Hannah Berner?

  And that is what you should remember. Be like, at the end of the day, he saw you and the friend and picked the friend. You weren't like, whatever that, you weren't chosen first, don't be chosen second. Like, and I think that's why, like, even if I like thought a guy was cute and he started hitting on my friend, I'd be like, not the one for me. Move on.

• 45:27Paige DeSorbo?

  My competitiveness has gotten me in some pickles, indeed.

• 45:31Hannah Berner?

  Yeah, because you want to like show off in a way and then you're like, I fucked myself.

• 45:35Paige DeSorbo?

  I'm like, you don't like me? No, I got it. Just wait on it. Wait on it. And then I'm like, uh, mom?

• 45:45Hannah Berner?

  I know he didn't like me because he's fucking crazy.

• 45:48Paige DeSorbo?

  Can you help me get out of something really quick?

• 45:51Hannah Berner?

  Hey, I'm locked up.

• 45:54Paige DeSorbo?

  No, it's so crazy.

• 45:57Hannah Berner?

  Two over refrigerator.

• 45:58Paige DeSorbo?

  In so many words, I'm always calling my mom every day, asking, can you help me get out of something? Like, that is the general vibe. I'm like, can you help me with this?

• 46:08Hannah Berner?

  It is, I do like, I don't want to annoy my husband and my mom with too many scenarios, but then you know when you probably should have just called them in the beginning. But you're like, I'll deal with it by myself.

• 46:17Paige DeSorbo?

  Sorry, I was just looking up because I couldn't think of what was the, what was the baloney company that was like really?

• 46:28Paige DeSorbo?

  And it was Oscar Mayer. I couldn't think of the name and that was really annoying me. Because I'm pretty sure I have a memory of my childhood of me singing, of going on the Oscar Mayer weiner car.

• 46:42Hannah Berner?

  If I was an Oscar Mayer weiner.

• 46:45Paige DeSorbo?

  That is what I truly want to be. And if it was an Oscar Mayer weiner, everyone would be in love with me. I just, I was, it was annoying me the entire.

• 46:57Hannah Berner?

  You singing a hot dog song, no one would have guessed that would happen on this pod. Everyone's mind is blown.

• 47:03Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah, I need to call my mom after because I don't know what this memory is. I'm having a memory and why were we in a parking lot and why was the Oscar Mayer weiner truck there? And why do I kind of remember wearing ballet flats?

• 47:19Paige DeSorbo?

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• 48:04Paige DeSorbo?

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• 48:46Paige DeSorbo?

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• 49:30Paige DeSorbo?

  I love that Colgate Optic White Pro Series Toothpaste works on those everyday stains while still being enamel safe for daily use. It's proof that daily routine can be remarkable. That's the science of wow. Colgate Optic White.

• 49:44Hannah Berner?

  Gigglers, the holidays are coming and Arm & Hammer Hardball Cat Litter and I are making sure all my fellow cat parents are guest ready. You guys know I'm obsessed with cats, I'm a cat missionary and make sure everyone in my life has a cat and I'm doing really well at it. I foster and I'm constantly trying to help cats find homes and around the holidays, I basically want everyone I know to fall in love with a cat and take one home. But the holidays, you guys are hosting, you have your cat and you have such a to-do list, you know, hiding things in closets, pretending you're clean, pulling out the snacks. One thing I do not need to add to that list is worrying about cat smell. Arm & Hammer Hardball Cat Litter keeps odors under control and forms compact clumps that make cleanup easy, so that part is already handled in the background.

• 50:27Hannah Berner?

  So then I can focus on my guests and maybe convince one of them they need a cat. For all my fellow cat parents, be guest ready with Arm & Hammer Hardball Cat Litter. Find it now at Walmart or Amazon.

• 50:38Paige DeSorbo?

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• 51:58Hannah Berner?

  I have another question for you.

• 52:00Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 52:01Hannah Berner?

  I love all animals. Like, I know I'm a cat person, but I also like dogs sometimes. When I'm walking past a dog park, I'm walking up to the fence to look at the dogs in the dog park. But then recently, I started to be like, "Am I fucking creepy that I don't have a dog and I'm just looking at other people's dogs?"

• 52:22Paige DeSorbo?

  I would say if it was a playground, yeah. Dog park, no.

• 52:27Hannah Berner?

  But like, when you're just like, watching other people's dogs and like, you feel weird. When you do it every day.

• 52:36Paige DeSorbo?

  That is weird.

• 52:37Hannah Berner?

  I live right by a dog park and every time I have to, I, I, there's this little dash hound named Kevin who I love. I want to steal Kevin.

• 52:43Paige DeSorbo?

  Actually, no, I don't think that's weird. I don't think that's weird at all.

• 52:46Hannah Berner?

  But like, if you brought your dog to a dog park and a, and a couple keeps coming and like, trying to get attention from your dog, I'd be like, "Get your own fucking dog."

• 52:53Paige DeSorbo?

  I think you'd be like, trying to sex traffic me.

• 52:55Hannah Berner?

  Yeah.

• 52:56Paige DeSorbo?

  Um, did you see Billie Eilish said that, uh, you can't love, claim to love animals and then eat them?

• 53:05Hannah Berner?

  Why are you trying to ruin my weekend?

• 53:07Paige DeSorbo?

  Because I was just wondering, as an avid animal lover, as you're-

• 53:11Hannah Berner?

  "Oh, you love animals so much? Eat tofu, bitch." "Oh, you love animals?"

• 53:17Paige DeSorbo?

  "Sorry, I hate vegetables." "Thought you said you couldn't be fake in the beginning of the pod." "Thought you said you couldn't fake it, huh?"

• 53:25Hannah Berner?

  I love when you call me out. It makes me so happy. Um, no, she's right.

• 53:30Paige DeSorbo?

  Because I, you think?

• 53:32Hannah Berner?

  She's right and it's like, when I eat meat, I ha, I lie to myself and I like eating meat, like, not like, I like when it's like a hot dog. Like, I can't look at it and be like, "That's the head of a pig." Like, I like to, I lie to myself. Like, I'm eating beef jerky and I'm like, "This is just a little lollipop of, of protein." So if, when something looks too like, that's the leg of it-

• 53:54Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 53:55Hannah Berner?

  Yeah, I can't. And, look, I wish every animal would live. I wish every animal would live. I haven't thought about this, so I don't have a formal P A, PR statement, so Us Weekly- "Shut up! Don't say anything."

• 54:08Paige DeSorbo?

  I just kind of feel like-

• 54:10Hannah Berner?

  PETA's gonna come for you. What are you gonna say?

• 54:11Paige DeSorbo?

  I just kind of feel like, I'm a human. And to survive for millions of years, humans have eaten animals. And there is no, if you do a no animal diet for the rest of your life, I would assume that you have to supplement those vitamins with something else. And if not, I would assume that that could be really detrimental to your health.

• 54:39Hannah Berner?

  Yeah.

• 54:39Paige DeSorbo?

  Like if you're iron deficient, I feel like eating a steak once in a while is good. But I also.

• 54:48Hannah Berner?

  It is a privilege to not be able to eat meat and like get all your nutrients. Like to be able to be like, well, I go to Aravon and I get the tofu salad, whatever. Because if you're just eating chips every day, like you're not gonna make it.

• 55:01Paige DeSorbo?

  I'm not trying to alienate the vegetarians. I can just say that I have never thought about being a vegetarian for even a second.

• 55:07Hannah Berner?

  I just, I wish we could be more organized about it. Like I would so be down if we were like every Monday, no one eats meat and it saves this many animals' lives. Like I'm more about like, how do we make it the least wasteful as possible? Where we're not just like killing animals we don't need to kill.

• 55:24Paige DeSorbo?

  Okay, I can support that.

• 55:26Hannah Berner?

  The vegetarians have to be more organized and because now it's like one offs. I don't know, maybe they do have meetings without me.

• 55:32Paige DeSorbo?

  They need to have a PR strategy meeting for sure.

• 55:35Hannah Berner?

  Their PR is bad.

• 55:37Paige DeSorbo?

  It's all over the place.

• 55:39Hannah Berner?

  It's a damn mess.

• 55:41Paige DeSorbo?

  We need a consensus, like a short statement of what is their thesis? Like what are they standing for?

• 55:48Hannah Berner?

  And it's giving like how feminists, everyone thinks, like everyone used to think feminists were just like angry women who wear, cut off shirts.

• 56:00Paige DeSorbo?

  You know one thing that really.

• 56:01Hannah Berner?

  What do lumberjacks wear?

• 56:04Paige DeSorbo?

  Overalls?

• 56:07Paige DeSorbo?

  You know, one thing that really grinds my gears is when people are like, she's a bad feminist. Like, I just feel like it's another thing for women to be mad at women about. It's like, okay, now she can't even be a girl good enough?

• 56:21Hannah Berner?

  Well, you know what someone was talking about on TikTok, which makes it real? That men are in the defensive. They just have to defend their power. Where we have to be in the offensive. And when we're fighting each other as women, plus we're trying to take, it's so complicated. Because we're like, you're not even fighting the right way. And where men just have to protect. They just have to protect what they have. So us trying to gain is so much more complicated. And feminism PR is fucking horrible.

• 56:49Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah.

• 56:50Hannah Berner?

  Because, yeah, they all think that we just like lumberjacks and we hate men when we just want equal opportunity. And we hate

• 57:00Hannah Berner?

  men.

• 57:05Hannah Berner?

  Oh, God.

• 57:06Paige DeSorbo?

  I'm just so mad that I didn't spell baloney right.

• 57:13Paige DeSorbo?

  Wait.

• 57:14Hannah Berner?

  This is the thing, though. Learning how to take a L will make you more successful in the long run. And that's my mental health moment of the week.

• 57:20Paige DeSorbo?

  Oscar Mayer baloney. B-O-L-O-G-N-A.

• 57:24Hannah Berner?

  Yeah, that's the time version that I gave. I gave you two versions, both correct, with the, like, in a sentence. And you still were like, no.

• 57:35Hannah Berner?

  I gave you the pronunciation.

• 57:37Paige DeSorbo?

  I'm just not so

• 57:40Hannah Berner?

  You're trying to find an article.

• 57:42Paige DeSorbo?

  Well, B-A-L-O-N-E-Y is the common spelling for the pronunc-

• 57:48Hannah Berner?

  Which I spelled.

• 57:49Paige DeSorbo?

  And the slang term.

• 57:50Hannah Berner?

  You're not winning this argument. Why do you keep You're making me look better every time you fight it. You're proving my point.

• 57:57Paige DeSorbo?

  Honestly, I've said that in so many relationships, Hannah. Oh, my God, I've never heard that back to myself. Oh, my God, I've never heard that back to myself.

• 58:07Hannah Berner?

  Said that line before. Was it good?

• 58:08Paige DeSorbo?

  Yes, that hits. I'm so proud of myself.

• 58:11Hannah Berner?

  You're making me look

• 58:12Paige DeSorbo?

  You're proving my point. Oh, honey.

• 58:15Hannah Berner?

  I've actually heard you say that. You're proving my point.

• 58:17Paige DeSorbo?

  I needed that. Hannah's heard me fight through walls before, and that's actually like my favorite lore ever. Okay, that's all the time we have.

• 58:24Hannah Berner?

  Paige was like, fight through a wall? And at first, I was like, I shouldn't hear this. Then I realized, oh, I need to be in on this. Then I started texting her, like, no, you're not crazy. That was valid. I literally watched him gaslight her and I was like, no, no, no, no, no. Stay with your point. You, you were right. Don't turn, stay with your gut on this.

• 58:43Paige DeSorbo?

  That is every woman's dream to be in a fight with her man and have her friend on speed dial. Like, basically, you were my, we were in a boxing ring. You were my coach. I was coming back.

• 58:55Hannah Berner?

  Cut me.

• 58:56Paige DeSorbo?

  You were pouring, pouring water in my mouth, fixing up my cuts and being like, get back in there. Your point was valid.

• 59:03Hannah Berner?

  Ultimate friendship, because at first I felt like it was like listening to two people have sex. I was like, I feel wrong about this. And then I was like, she needs me. Like, this is an opportunity.

• 59:11Paige DeSorbo?

  It's so funny, because in the beginning, I was nervous. I was like embarrassed. I was like, and Hannah can probably hear this. And then 10 minutes into it, I was like, and I hope she's listening.

• 59:22Paige DeSorbo?

  Because I feel like that was a great line that she would appreciate.

• 59:28Hannah Berner?

  Also, as my best friend, nothing feels better than like hearing your best friend.

• 59:32Paige DeSorbo?

  Stand up for herself?

• 59:33Hannah Berner?

  Yeah.

• 59:34Paige DeSorbo?

  You're like, fuck yeah.

• 59:35Hannah Berner?

  Yeah, I'm like, go harder, go harder, actually. And then you want to jump in. I'm like, tag me, bitch. Ta- tag me. Anyway.

• 59:41Paige DeSorbo?

  Anywho.

• 59:42Hannah Berner?

  I also have to apologize to the academy for one last thing. I've been doing this thing, back to my headphones, where like, you ever go on a Zoom and like you can't hear the person? You're like, I can't hear you. And you get all frustrated and you're like, they're clearly wrong. And then you realize the whole time that your thing wasn't plugged in. And then you have to pretend that you like clicked something crazy to make it work. I do that too often to people. I've done it to you.

• 1:00:12Hannah Berner?

  Raise your hand if you've been personally victimized on a Zoom by me being like, can't hear you. Fix your side.

• 1:00:18Paige DeSorbo?

  Yeah. I've been personally victimized on a Zoom more than once in one day by you. Like.

• 1:00:26Hannah Berner?

  Wait, why are Zooms so chaotic?

• 1:00:28Paige DeSorbo?

  I feel like I've gotten on a Zoom and you've been like, no makeup today. Got it. Okay.

• 1:00:37Paige DeSorbo?

  I walked into two separate meetings today, one in person, one not. And I literally was Elle Woods, being like, I wasn't aware there was an assignment. Actually, I'm unprepared for both of these things.

• 1:00:50Hannah Berner?

  That just happened to me. I went to a meeting and they go, "Did you send, did you get the slides?" And I said, "No, I'm going to class."

• 1:00:58Paige DeSorbo?

  No, normalized being like, "No, fuck, I didn't look at it."

• 1:01:02Hannah Berner?

  But then normalized being like, "I didn't get the slides, let's reschedule this. I'm not about to just do this meeting to do this meeting if I didn't have the proper information."

• 1:01:11Paige DeSorbo?

  And sometimes, more like today's episode, you don't have the proper information.

• 1:01:15Hannah Berner?

  Sometimes you were not, nobody prepped you. No one prepped you properly.

• 1:01:23Hannah Berner?

  Wait, the Elle Woods scene, when she goes, "Did you read the book?"

• 1:01:27Paige DeSorbo?

  And she's like, "I actually was unaware that there was an assignment." That scene shaped my young adulthood.

• 1:01:34Hannah Berner?

  I wake up in the middle of the night sweating, thinking that I forgot there was summer reading, and all summer I didn't read. And then I showed up on the first day to a British woman, being like...

• 1:01:42Paige DeSorbo?

  And she gets kicked out of class. I was like devastated. I was so hurt in that moment for her.

• 1:01:48Hannah Berner?

  And, but also, why didn't she have a computer? Like, everyone else had a computer. That felt like...

• 1:01:52Paige DeSorbo?

  She did the outfits. Like, how much could she do?

• 1:01:56Hannah Berner?

  She put all her money in her vintage...

• 1:01:58Paige DeSorbo?

  She rode a moving truck to Harvard.

• 1:02:03Paige DeSorbo?

  Okay.

• 1:02:04Hannah Berner?

  Okay. We love you guys. Thank you for giggling with us. We'll talk to you later. Bye.

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