Fortune Feimster

Fortune Feimster is comedy’s ultimate ray of sunshine—hilariously self-deprecating, charmingly Southern, and full of heart. From her Netflix specials (Sweet & Salty and Good Fortune) to scene-stealing roles in The Mindy Project and Life in Pieces, Fortune delivers laughs that feel like a warm hug. A podcast host (Sincerely Fortune), writer, and stand-up powerhouse, she turns relatable moments into unforgettable comedy. Whether she’s dishing out family stories or sharing life lessons, Fortune proves laughter is the best way to bring people together. #fortunefeimster #andrewsantino #whiskeyginger #podcast ============================================ Sponsor Whiskey Ginger: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/whiskeyginger SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS MANDO $5 OFF YOUR ORDER WITH PROMO CODE: WHISKEY https://shopmando.com SKIMS LET THEM KNOW WE SENT YOU! https://skims.com/whiskey PROPHETX PROMO CODE: WHISKEY GET UP TO $300 IN PROPHET CASH http://getprophetx.co INDOCHINO PROMO CODE: WHISKEY GET 20% OFF AN ORDER OF $499 OR MORE! http://indochino.com ======================================= Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast https://twitter.com/whiskeygingerpodcast Produced and edited by Joe Faria https://www.instagram.com/itsjoefaria Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Andrew Santino?

  What up, whiskey ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. If you're new to the show, welcome to the show. We got a good one for you today, tonight. Tonight, I'm in Philly. Philly! I'm at the Met. Cannot believe it. Thankful so much. Love Philly, man. One of my favorite cities to perform in. Tomorrow, I'm at the Beacon in New York. Then I go back to the West Coast, and I'm gonna do myself San Francisco, San Diego, and Phoenix. San Diego, we added a show. San Francisco, we added a show. Then I go to Boston. I have four shows in Boston. Come see me, Boston, I love you. Then I got four shows in Minneapolis, Minnesota, where I'm shooting my special. Please come on and see your boy. Andrew Santino dot com for those tickets. Andrew Santino dot com.

• 0:37Speaker 01

  In here, we pour whiskey. Whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

• 0:42Speaker 02

  Who is that creature in the ginger beard?

• 0:44Speaker 03

  Sturdy and ginger.

• 0:46Speaker 04

  Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse.

• 0:48Speaker 05

  Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey, and $75 for the horse.

• 0:53Speaker 03

  Ginger's, oh hell no. This whiskey is excellent.

• 0:57Speaker 02

  Ginger. I like gingers.

• 1:01Andrew Santino?

  Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean it once again today. It is the return of Fortune Feimster!

• 1:08Speaker 06

  Yeah!

• 1:09Andrew Santino?

  And back in attack. My wife and I watched your special the other night in bed together.

• 1:13Speaker 06

  Oh, that sounds sexy.

• 1:14Andrew Santino?

  Got us in the mood.

• 1:15Speaker 06

  Come on now.

• 1:15Andrew Santino?

  Got us in the mood.

• 1:16Speaker 06

  If I can't...

• 1:17Andrew Santino?

  That suit you're wearing got me in the mood, baby.

• 1:19Speaker 06

  You're like, "Blah, blah, blah."

• 1:21Andrew Santino?

  No, she was like, "Blah, blah, blah."

• 1:24Speaker 06

  Wow.

• 1:24Andrew Santino?

  We make different noises.

• 1:25Speaker 06

  I'm honored.

• 1:26Andrew Santino?

  No, it's great.

• 1:27Speaker 06

  Thank you.

• 1:27Andrew Santino?

  Fortune Special's out right now on Netflix. Spit the mmm. You're one of the only people that Netflix really wants to continue to do specials with. Everyone else, they're like, "Get out of here."

• 1:38Speaker 06

  I mean, listen, I'll take it. I've been doing a radio show for them for five years. I don't know if that helps.

• 1:43Andrew Santino?

  No, I think it does.

• 1:44Speaker 06

  Maybe.

• 1:44Andrew Santino?

  And you're very funny.

• 1:45Speaker 06

  Thank you.

• 1:45Andrew Santino?

  And you're one of the funniest people I know, genuinely. I've loved you for many, many, many years.

• 1:49Speaker 06

  Same.

• 1:50Andrew Santino?

  And you don't miss, man. You really... You're so funny. You're just very... You're very in your pocket. Some people know their own voice very well, and you do very much. And that's the last compliment I'll give you.

• 2:00Speaker 06

  Thank you. I'll take that.

• 2:01Andrew Santino?

  I'm done. Now the criticism.

• 2:02Speaker 06

  Yeah. Tell me what you didn't like. I mean, I'm super proud of this one. I, like all of us, have torn my ass off, you know? I've done... The last two tours in three years, 100 cities, 150 shows.

• 2:14Andrew Santino?

  Gross. Are we okay? What's wrong with us?

• 2:16Speaker 06

  We're not okay, no. And so I feel like, you know, I put the work in. I was hoping it would be good enough.

• 2:24Andrew Santino?

  It's good.

• 2:25Speaker 06

  Uh, thank you.

• 2:26Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's good. It's very funny. You must watch it, uh, available on Netflix right now. Actually, all your specials are on Netflix, right?

• 2:31Speaker 06

  Yeah, they're all there.

• 2:32Andrew Santino?

  How many you have now? Three or four?

• 2:33Speaker 06

  So if Netflix goes under.

• 2:35Andrew Santino?

  Nah, come on. Two people buy ya. Well, how many are it? Four? Three?

• 2:40Speaker 06

  Uh, three hours.

• 2:41Andrew Santino?

  Three, yeah, that's what I thought. Did you do another one with Comedy Central?

• 2:44Speaker 06

  I did a half hour Comedy Central and a half hour with Netflix as well.

• 2:47Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you did the half hours of Netflix?

• 2:48Speaker 06

  Yeah, I was with Nate Bargatze and Nikki Glaser.

• 2:51Andrew Santino?

  Who's that?

• 2:52Speaker 06

  I know. That, that small, unknown comic.

• 2:55Andrew Santino?

  No, I do know who they are. I'm not a fan of either of those people, Nate or Nikki. Just awful people. No, that's great, dude. That's a good class.

• 3:01Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 3:02Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, no, you, um, you are in the family now with them, which is good because it builds up the library. It only makes people go back to it. You and Papa. Oddly enough. Papa's the same way.

• 3:10Speaker 06

  But I, you know, I still wanna like live up to that. So this special was in the, like, who's counting? But it was in the top 10 for eight days.

• 3:18Andrew Santino?

  You are.

• 3:19Speaker 06

  Um, I did count every day.

• 3:21Andrew Santino?

  Where'd you shoot this one?

• 3:22Speaker 06

  Uh, Seattle, at the, at the Moore.

• 3:24Andrew Santino?

  At the Moore Theater?

• 3:25Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 3:25Andrew Santino?

  Love them. Love me some Moore Theater.

• 3:27Speaker 06

  That made me feel good. So it wasn't like I, like, you know, people actually watched it, which is the hardest part is getting people to actually watch it.

• 3:34Andrew Santino?

  By far the hardest part. Have you ever shot in the South?

• 3:37Speaker 06

  Yeah, my Sweet and Salty special was in Charlotte, North Carolina.

• 3:41Andrew Santino?

  I mean, the South-South.

• 3:43Speaker 06

  Oh, like deep south?

• 3:44Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, dude. Get your ass down to Fayetteville and fucking call it a day.

• 3:48Speaker 06

  No, I haven't done that. It wasn't, it was enough doing it in Charlotte, cause that, that's my home area and everyone was hammered. Everyone, like, there's one guy was just yelling lesbian during my set.

• 4:02Andrew Santino?

  He just learned the word? Bobby, say that, pronounce this for me.

• 4:06Speaker 06

  I'm just like...

• 4:07Andrew Santino?

  I told you Craig, it's lesbian. Keep being lesbian.

• 4:11Speaker 06

  I was like, I know this is said with love, this isn't a hate crime, but it's just still, we're recording, I don't need you yelling lesbian.

• 4:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's a weird heckle.

• 4:21Speaker 06

  Yeah, I had to stop several times to be like, guys.

• 4:25Andrew Santino?

  What, really?

• 4:25Speaker 06

  I love you.

• 4:26Andrew Santino?

  You didn't insert it into the special though. No, that never made it.

• 4:29Speaker 06

  I was like, I love you, I appreciate it, but I do have to film this, so let's all simmer down.

• 4:36Andrew Santino?

  That's like, have you seen, um, on HBO, James, um, I don't know how to say his last name, Acaster, Acaster? James Acaster?

• 4:43Speaker 06

  No, I haven't seen it.

• 4:44Andrew Santino?

  I'm an idiot. I think it's Acaster. Acaster? Acaster? Yeah, Acaster, he's a British comic.

• 4:49Speaker 06

  Look at that mustache over there in the corner.

• 4:50Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he's a pig. Don't give him any compliments. But James, in his HBO special, I watched a little bit of it the other day, and, um, uh, in the first like four minutes, there was like feedback in the mic.

• 5:00Speaker 06

  Really?

• 5:01Andrew Santino?

  And then he switches to a wired mic, and they left it in the thing, which is kind of fun.

• 5:04Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 5:04Andrew Santino?

  Well, his is, his, his, I think the special is called Crowd, Crowd, Heckler's Welcome. Heckler's Welcome. So he wanted it to be kind of fun. Yeah, it was fun. It's like cool and

• 5:12Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 5:13Andrew Santino?

  Subversive and wild. He's playing the drums in the first like couple of minutes of it.

• 5:15Speaker 06

  Oh.

• 5:16Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's kind of fun. So it's cool to see what people leave in. Like, I'm filming soon, and, uh,

• 5:22Speaker 06

  Bing!

• 5:23Andrew Santino?

  And, uh, I'm always curious about like what's gonna be loose and dirty and what's gonna be tight.

• 5:28Speaker 06

  Where are you filming?

• 5:29Andrew Santino?

  I can't tell you.

• 5:30Speaker 06

  Oh, it's a secret.

• 5:31Andrew Santino?

  I don't want, I don't want to say.

• 5:31Speaker 06

  Gotcha.

• 5:32Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we're gonna make it a little secret. People know.

• 5:34Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah.

• 5:34Andrew Santino?

  I think people know. I think people have started it.

• 5:36Speaker 06

  Last one was Cheeseburger.

• 5:37Andrew Santino?

  Cheeseburger, yeah, that one I, uh, that one I filmed in Denver at the Paramount Theater.

• 5:41Speaker 06

  Yeah. Did you like doing that?

• 5:42Andrew Santino?

  Love Paramount.

• 5:43Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 5:43Andrew Santino?

  Do I like doing specials? No, I hate them.

• 5:45Speaker 06

  No, I mean, the Paramount.

• 5:46Andrew Santino?

  I like everything but recording, because recording is such a weird...

• 5:49Speaker 06

  It's hard because you're like, you're, the tours are fun, the shows are fun and loose.

• 5:54Andrew Santino?

  And recording is like

• 5:55Speaker 06

  Yeah, and all of a sudden you're like

• 5:56Andrew Santino?

  This is the people to see. Yeah, it does, I don't know why, I mean, you know, like the jokes are still there that I love, but it does something to your rhythm. It definitely changes the way you present.

• 6:05Speaker 06

  It just makes it a little stiffer.

• 6:06Andrew Santino?

  Well, people don't know, right? People don't, people do know maybe, I'm not saying that. It's just people don't understand that when you're in your process... You have to think about the way this cuts.

• 6:15Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 6:15Andrew Santino?

  So it's like, there's movement that matters, there's rhythm that matters, there's, you know, saying the joke the exact same way does unfortunately matter. And our inherent instinct is to not say things the exact same way.

• 6:27Speaker 06

  To mess around.

• 6:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, so it's a little tougher for us. And, you know, and the fans would be like, well then just do one and done. And you're like, yeah, I can't because sometimes someone yells lesbian in the middle of my show.

• 6:36Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 6:37Andrew Santino?

  And that happens more to me than you.

• 6:38Speaker 06

  That does happen to you a lot.

• 6:40Andrew Santino?

  You dumb redheaded lesbian, you lesbian, look at this big ginger lesbian. Now, I thought, people yell out, they ruin shit, it's a part of it.

• 6:48Speaker 06

  Is it a wild, a wilder audience when you and Bobby are out there together?

• 6:53Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, dude, he shows his butthole.

• 6:55Speaker 06

  That feels like insane, right?

• 6:56Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's absurd. It's, it actually is, it's calm, it's calmed down, I think the beginning of the tour when we did it was absurd. I mean, we had guys throwing up in Philly and Baltimore. We had, we had people get kicked out.

• 7:07Speaker 03

  We just had stage jumpers, though.

• 7:08Andrew Santino?

  Huh?

• 7:09Speaker 06

  Stage jumpers?

• 7:09Andrew Santino?

  We had one guy, yeah, we had a couple, we had a guy jump on the stage, yeah, we did that. And the security, lightning fast, they got, they got up on stage after the guy, maybe a minute and a half or two minutes later. I mean, he could have stabbed us to death.

• 7:19Speaker 06

  Yeah, I was like, you're dead at this point.

• 7:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he had a full minute to just hang out. And then we looked at the security like, what's up? What's up? And they were like, alright. And then they climbed on, I was like, this is definitely not part of the show.

• 7:29Speaker 06

  Oh, man, it's wild. I had someone that was like passed out before a show, and I guess in some sort of induced situation. And she came to during my opener set and was kind of like, where am I? And was like freaking out, so she charged the stage.

• 7:46Andrew Santino?

  Oh shit.

• 7:47Speaker 06

  And like went for the speaker to like throw it off. And so two le- two lesbians in the front row see that the security guard is just like chilling, watching this. And that, so they jump up and try to grab her and she's swinging.

• 8:00Andrew Santino?

  Oh, it's a full on fight.

• 8:01Speaker 06

  It was wild.

• 8:03Andrew Santino?

  That's great.

• 8:03Speaker 06

  In Wisconsin.

• 8:04Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah, that makes sense.

• 8:05Speaker 06

  Right, so.

• 8:07Andrew Santino?

  You have all that cheese in you. All that dairy's gonna bubble up some anger at some point.

• 8:10Speaker 06

  Yeah, and that brandy old fashioned.

• 8:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's exactly right.

• 8:13Speaker 06

  Tastes like Christmas.

• 8:15Andrew Santino?

  All that brandy. They love brandy up there.

• 8:17Speaker 06

  Love it.

• 8:17Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, because I'm from Chicago and Wisconsin has a particular, they have a particular way of eating. And drinking that is unmatched. I don't know if any city can out eat and out drink Wisconsin. They lead the country in DUIs. I do know that's.

• 8:30Speaker 06

  Oh, I didn't know that.

• 8:32Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, and also, also, they don't have a limit. You know, we have a three-strike law here in California. If you have three DUIs, your license is indefinitely suspended. You, what you have to do is you have to go to court to like. Try to get it back.

• 8:45Speaker 06

  I'm sorry.

• 8:46Andrew Santino?

  There's a woman in Wisconsin who has the most DUIs. I think there's one woman who has like eighteen DUIs in Wisconsin.

• 8:51Speaker 06

  She needs to start taking the bus.

• 8:53Andrew Santino?

  Oh, no, Guinness called her up and was like, look, dude, this is impressive.

• 8:56Speaker 06

  That's too much.

• 8:57Andrew Santino?

  She has the most, and she, in one point, I think one of the women up there blew the highest BAC they've ever recorded. Yeah, you know how Florida man?

• 9:05Speaker 06

  What's happening in Wisconsin?

• 9:07Andrew Santino?

  Well, they're running away from these guys. They're just trying to drink themselves out of these.

• 9:12Andrew Santino?

  What does it say?

• 9:13Speaker 03

  There's actually a guy named, from South Dakota, named Jerry Zeller. Who had more than thirty DUIs.

• 9:19Andrew Santino?

  Thirty in South Dakota.

• 9:21Speaker 03

  Was not killed by alcohol, but by a cigarette that started a fire in his house.

• 9:25Speaker 06

  Oh, wait, he did die?

• 9:27Andrew Santino?

  Well, yeah, dude, he's, I mean, after thirty?

• 9:29Speaker 06

  He had it coming, for sure.

• 9:30Andrew Santino?

  He fell asleep with a cigarette in his mouth, which, by the way, that was the product of alcohol, so incorrect. He didn't die directly from alcohol. But smoking in bed is a huge, huge problem. That's funny how many houses set on fire from people smoking in bed.

• 9:41Speaker 06

  Yeah, don't do that.

• 9:44Andrew Santino?

  You need it that bad? What's your bad vice? You have any bad vices?

• 9:47Speaker 06

  Food, for sure.

• 9:48Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but I mean, everybody loves food. Do you have anything that's like? Do you have anything that's like?

• 9:53Speaker 06

  I feel like food is bad enough for me that if I, I don't want to add like drugs also.

• 9:58Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, right.

• 9:58Speaker 06

  Uh, I remember, I think it was Tom Arnold that said about Farley. Like, you can either be fat or do drugs, but you can't do both.

• 10:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's actually really smart.

• 10:08Speaker 06

  I picked cake.

• 10:11Andrew Santino?

  Cake is close to heroin. By the way, I'd rather eat a full cake than have, than have a OxyContin because cake is.

• 10:19Speaker 06

  I picked my lane, bud.

• 10:22Andrew Santino?

  You gotta stay in it.

• 10:23Speaker 06

  Fucking food, dude.

• 10:24Andrew Santino?

  What's your sucker food then? What's the one that's hard to say no?

• 10:26Speaker 06

  I mean, sugar is a, a big one for me.

• 10:28Andrew Santino?

  But it comes in all forms, or is there one way that you like to take it?

• 10:30Speaker 06

  Um, like, I, I don't mind, like, a dessert after every meal.

• 10:35Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, me too. Well, I'm a cookie monster.

• 10:37Speaker 06

  And I'm like, why am I doing this?

• 10:40Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but you deserve a treat. You work hard.

• 10:42Speaker 06

  I know, that, that's my problem. I was like, I deserve a treat.

• 10:47Andrew Santino?

  I'm a cookie monster. I can't avoid. Cookies are so hard for me to say no. I can say no to most things.

• 10:51Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 10:51Andrew Santino?

  But like if we make cookies at the house, I'm gonna eat the whole fucking thing.

• 10:54Speaker 06

  That's it, yeah.

• 10:54Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they're just too good.

• 10:55Speaker 06

  But also my metabolism does suck ass. It is a genetic thing as well because I don't eat nearly as much as other people that are tiny.

• 11:04Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, like your wife eats probably more than you and...

• 11:06Speaker 06

  Yeah, and I, and I'm just, it just stays on me.

• 11:10Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, whatever. Who gives a shit?

• 11:12Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 11:12Andrew Santino?

  Honestly, who gives a shit? You are.

• 11:15Speaker 06

  That's why I worked hard on my personality.

• 11:18Andrew Santino?

  Same dude.

• 11:18Speaker 06

  So I didn't have to go to the gym.

• 11:19Andrew Santino?

  I was gonna get rid of this red hair. I was like, I gotta really have something else going for me, dude. You can't be orange and boring. You gotta have some kinda jazz.

• 11:28Speaker 06

  See, you got a great personality.

• 11:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah dude, you gotta have some. What did we find about Wisconsin? Did that woman that came up, or how many DUIs? So Zeller was the most with thirty.

• 11:36Speaker 03

  Jerry Zeller is the guy that keeps coming up.

• 11:38Speaker 06

  Jerry.

• 11:39Andrew Santino?

  Wow, good for Jay-Z. Oh, shouldn't mention that. Sorry about that.

• 11:44Speaker 06

  I love it.

• 11:45Andrew Santino?

  Jay-Z, whoa, no. That's cra-

• 11:47Speaker 03

  But all these are Midwest. All these are like-

• 11:49Andrew Santino?

  All Midwest people, yeah. That's how we roll.

• 11:51Speaker 06

  They like to drink. My wife lived in Chicago. And, uh, yeah, she's, she's like, no one in LA drinks that much.

• 11:58Andrew Santino?

  Well, yeah, they do.

• 11:59Speaker 06

  They're like weed people here.

• 12:00Andrew Santino?

  This is weed culture, but they also, in LA, they're binge drinkers.

• 12:04Speaker 06

  Mmm.

• 12:04Andrew Santino?

  These are weekend warriors that go out and they get hammered on Friday, Saturday night. But in the Midwest, you drink pretty consistently all week long.

• 12:11Speaker 06

  Every, yeah, every day.

• 12:12Andrew Santino?

  And then on Saturday, you have an extra case of beer.

• 12:15Speaker 06

  And bar culture is popular in like Chicago, right?

• 12:18Andrew Santino?

  It's the best, dude.

• 12:19Speaker 06

  That's like where you go to hang.

• 12:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, because honestly, in a sh- it's the same thing in New York. Everything east of the Mississippi, truly. Because the weather's too good here, it doesn't matter.

• 12:28Speaker 06

  Yeah, you're outside in parks and stuff.

• 12:29Andrew Santino?

  If it's shitty weather, you wanna bond over the, a, a, a long, cold workday. It's dark by four.

• 12:35Speaker 06

  Yep.

• 12:36Andrew Santino?

  You're sad. So you get out of wo- you go to work when it's dark, you get out of work, it's dark.

• 12:40Speaker 06

  Mmm.

• 12:40Andrew Santino?

  You're miserable.

• 12:41Speaker 06

  I couldn't do that.

• 12:42Andrew Santino?

  Let's go drink.

• 12:43Speaker 06

  I'd be depressed.

• 12:44Andrew Santino?

  Not if you drink.

• 12:45Speaker 06

  Really?

• 12:46Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, man.

• 12:46Speaker 06

  That doesn't make it worse?

• 12:47Andrew Santino?

  Well, cause you show up to the bar, your friends are there. People, you know, the locals are there. There's darts, there's pool, there's a game on. There's a community that, that we don't have on the west because we're spoiled with weather. I can sit on my patio today.

• 13:00Speaker 06

  Do you ever miss living in the Midwest?

• 13:02Andrew Santino?

  A hundred percent. I don't miss like the killing and the robbing. I don't miss any of that stuff in Chicago.

• 13:05Speaker 06

  And the coldness?

• 13:07Andrew Santino?

  I don't miss the, I don't miss, here, here's the thing. Cold doesn't bother me.

• 13:10Speaker 06

  Really?

• 13:10Andrew Santino?

  There's only one element that bothers me.

• 13:12Speaker 06

  What?

• 13:12Andrew Santino?

  Wind.

• 13:13Speaker 06

  Wind is tough.

• 13:14Andrew Santino?

  Get the fuck out of here, wind. Wind sucks. Freezing cold, way too hot, fine. Rain, fine. Wind is, is just, it's, you cannot, you're uncomfortable.

• 13:26Speaker 06

  Right.

• 13:26Andrew Santino?

  You feel cold and wet, even though if it's not raining, cause the wind makes you feel wet for some reason.

• 13:32Speaker 06

  And it's like a cold to the bone.

• 13:34Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, ruins your, it hurts your soul.

• 13:36Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 13:36Andrew Santino?

  Your little guy inside you is just like, come on, will ya?

• 13:39Speaker 06

  I get that. Jack's missing Chicago and wants to spend a little bit more time there, but...

• 13:43Andrew Santino?

  Really? You gonna like get a place back there?

• 13:44Speaker 06

  Maybe. Like, but not like for full time.

• 13:47Andrew Santino?

  If you guys do, we will. How about that?

• 13:49Speaker 06

  Alright.

• 13:49Andrew Santino?

  Let's split a place. You wanna, you wanna get a place there?

• 13:51Speaker 06

  Or duplex.

• 13:52Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I'm down dude. Let's do it. We'll make a sitcom out of that.

• 13:54Speaker 06

  I love it. Come on, I got a door.

• 13:59Andrew Santino?

  I walk in on you brushing your teeth, like, whoa, that's your opening? No, I think, I would love to go back. I love Chicago so much. It's just, it's hard because this is where we are, this is where we're doing all the stuff.

• 14:11Speaker 06

  Yeah. I know, and then there's like, like even this week, all these, these fun events have popped up and, you know.

• 14:17Andrew Santino?

  But it would happen in Chicago, maybe.

• 14:19Speaker 06

  Yeah, just not like, from like the business perspective.

• 14:23Andrew Santino?

  How am I gonna go to Burt's house and, you know, from Chicago?

• 14:26Speaker 06

  How are you gonna do that?

• 14:27Andrew Santino?

  And see you there and pet one of his nine horse dogs? I don't know if people know, you've seen, Burt, Burt Kreischer has literal horse dogs.

• 14:34Speaker 06

  Big dogs.

• 14:35Andrew Santino?

  Dogs that are, one of the dogs sat next to Steve Lee, Bobby's brother, and it was larger than him. And, literally. I think the dog, Steve weighed a hundred and like forty-six and the dog was like one fifty-eight.

• 14:45Speaker 06

  Oh my god. Yeah, we went to Burt's, uh, like a little dinner party for Burt.

• 14:50Andrew Santino?

  It was really nice. A little birthday dinner party. It was nice.

• 14:52Speaker 06

  And he was like, I can't believe that my friends came and I didn't have to pay them to be here.

• 14:56Andrew Santino?

  He did pay me. He didn't pay you?

• 14:58Speaker 06

  You could have been though. Yeah.

• 15:00Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I did. Well, I requested. I was like, Leanne, come on, click, click.

• 15:03Speaker 06

  You're like, I'm not showing up for that.

• 15:04Andrew Santino?

  No, not showing up. Not showing up without that paper. No.

• 15:07Speaker 06

  It was kinda wild to see like comedians on like a Monday night, just chilling.

• 15:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 15:12Speaker 06

  Not like doing bits and not trying to...

• 15:15Andrew Santino?

  Well, nobody there was funny. That was part of the big problem.

• 15:17Speaker 06

  Yeah, that...

• 15:19Speaker 06

  That was one part.

• 15:20Andrew Santino?

  No, it was really nice to have like a... Well, it's also because everyone there, I think you reach a certain age in comedy too, where you also wanna feel human.

• 15:27Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 15:28Andrew Santino?

  So you wanna do these like human things, like go hang out with people, have a nice dinner and just chat about the life in the world.

• 15:33Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 15:33Andrew Santino?

  Instead of our first 20 years in comedy is like, hey, everyone's non-stop.

• 15:38Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's where my wife has gotten to of just like, can we like have friends and do social things?

• 15:44Andrew Santino?

  Do normal shit?

• 15:45Speaker 06

  Have balance. I was like, yeah.

• 15:47Andrew Santino?

  When you're not on tour.

• 15:48Speaker 06

  We can work on that.

• 15:50Andrew Santino?

  We'll try. Are you, wait, are you on tour now? Are you on a break?

• 15:53Speaker 06

  I'm on a little break. I'll be writing this next hour. I'll do like, I do like, uh, club dates from, uh, like around California, like...

• 16:03Andrew Santino?

  Irvine and...

• 16:03Speaker 06

  Pasadena, Irvine, Ontario, Oxnard, places like that, Huntsville, Alabama. Where I can just like work on it and not feel that pressure.

• 16:13Andrew Santino?

  You do like a whole weekend or one show?

• 16:15Speaker 06

  Yeah, I'll do a whole weekend, just to build it over the weekend. And then I'll start my new tour, Taking Care of Biscuits, uh, in April.

• 16:23Andrew Santino?

  That's fucking great. Now, do you always name the special after the tour?

• 16:26Speaker 06

  Nope, never.

• 16:27Andrew Santino?

  See, me too. I don't know, I don't get it. I don't know why it matters.

• 16:29Speaker 06

  I don't know far enough in advance what it's gonna be about.

• 16:32Andrew Santino?

  I don't know that. I'm not a soothsayer.

• 16:35Speaker 06

  They wanted it to go on sale now with my special and I'm like, well, I don't know what my next hour is, so I just had to come, what's a fun name?

• 16:42Andrew Santino?

  Taking Care of Biscuits is great.

• 16:43Speaker 06

  Taking Care of Biscuits.

• 16:45Andrew Santino?

  I think that's really, really good. I mean, the only, the, the best special tour na- uh, special names, uh, sorry, tour names, that I've seen in a while, Segura has been on fire because he does, uh, Coming Everywhere.

• 16:56Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's on brand for him.

• 16:58Andrew Santino?

  Coming to you, coming all over you guys.

• 17:01Andrew Santino?

  It's such a good, it's like so good. I'm Coming Everywhere, I think was the first one.

• 17:05Speaker 06

  It's whatever, I think of like whatever's gonna... It's gonna be fun on a T-shirt.

• 17:09Andrew Santino?

  Sure.

• 17:10Speaker 06

  On a tour shirt.

• 17:10Andrew Santino?

  Sure.

• 17:10Speaker 06

  You know?

• 17:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that makes sense.

• 17:11Speaker 06

  That's kinda where I've.

• 17:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 17:13Speaker 06

  But, but I, yeah, I don't even, I don't even think about the special name until like Netflix is like, it's due in two weeks.

• 17:20Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 17:21Speaker 06

  What is the name of this? And I'm like, oh my god, it's so hard to come up with it.

• 17:25Andrew Santino?

  Well, your original title for this one was Hitler Didn't Do It. Wasn't that the original one?

• 17:28Speaker 06

  It did not.

• 17:29Andrew Santino?

  Why did they say no?

• 17:30Speaker 06

  Pass standards and practices.

• 17:32Andrew Santino?

  I don't know if we can sell this, Fortune.

• 17:35Speaker 06

  Yeah, they're like, that doesn't seem a brand for you.

• 17:38Andrew Santino?

  Have you ever played with your name? Have you ever had a special with your name?

• 17:41Speaker 06

  Yeah, my last one, Good Fortune.

• 17:42Andrew Santino?

  Good Fortune, that's right.

• 17:43Speaker 06

  Um, and it was, it's just cause nothing.

• 17:46Andrew Santino?

  I was thinking more of Feimster, but yeah.

• 17:48Speaker 06

  Yeah, nothing came for, yeah, the name no one can spell. Um, it's just that nothing beat it, you know what I mean?

• 17:55Andrew Santino?

  Good Fortune, yeah.

• 17:56Speaker 06

  And I, and, and no story was, like Sweet and Salty, I had a bit in the special with that in it.

• 18:01Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 18:02Speaker 06

  And Crushing It is, uh, because the victory is, involves a crushed ice machine.

• 18:07Andrew Santino?

  Hmm.

• 18:08Speaker 06

  I always like to have a victory in my specials.

• 18:11Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that's good.

• 18:12Speaker 06

  Where I've earned something at the end of it.

• 18:14Andrew Santino?

  Do you write your, do you write your closing joke first? You know, a lot of people like that. Yeah, a lot of people do this thing where they try to find the close first and then go backwards.

• 18:22Speaker 06

  No, I, I really don't know what is a proper close anymore because in a theater, the closer you build to it, right? It's like, here's the.

• 18:32Andrew Santino?

  Ramp it up, yeah.

• 18:33Speaker 06

  And then on Netflix, they're like, best stuff up front. And you're like, oh, okay.

• 18:38Andrew Santino?

  I kind of agree though, cause if finishing a special doesn't matter anymore, people usually eat things in chunks.

• 18:42Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 18:43Andrew Santino?

  So whatever, I think you just put it where it needs to go.

• 18:45Speaker 06

  I put it where it needs to go because the, the bit that everyone keeps writing me about is about my mom in a cemetery and falling, falling in a cemetery. And it's, it's like thirty-eight minutes in or something.

• 18:57Andrew Santino?

  Oh, wow.

• 18:58Speaker 06

  So I don't even think about that stuff.

• 19:00Andrew Santino?

  And who cares? People will watch it because you're so watchable that people are gonna, I referenced you the other day, uh, cause I was speaking about you coming on the show and I had said, Fahim and I talk a lot about, um, about comedy and we were with Dustin Nickerson and I said, uh,

• 19:16Andrew Santino?

  A lot of people are very funny, but comedy, the true root of it is how it looks coming out of your face.

• 19:23Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 19:24Andrew Santino?

  Fahim and I always say that. What does it look like coming out of your face?

• 19:26Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 19:27Andrew Santino?

  Because your joke probably won't work coming out of my face. I mean culturally, obviously not. But I mean, like even me and another comic that are closer in style, it's how it looked coming out of your face.

• 19:36Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 19:37Andrew Santino?

  And your face matters, but like you are, the way you present your material is just as fun and funny as the material. Which I think is the goal.

• 19:45Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 19:46Andrew Santino?

  For all comics to be like, do I like watching this person say it?

• 19:48Speaker 06

  To be entertaining.

• 19:50Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, because there's comics that write funny stuff that I don't, I don't know if I care about watching them.

• 19:54Speaker 06

  I'm always shocked by, there's a number of stand-up comedians who are pretty brilliant and then they're not funny in real life.

• 20:00Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, well, that's, yeah.

• 20:01Speaker 06

  And you're like, what is this?

• 20:03Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. You can go ahead and start saying some names. Say some names.

• 20:06Speaker 06

  Let me just burn the house down right now.

• 20:09Andrew Santino?

  Go ahead.

• 20:12Speaker 06

  Because by nature, a lot of stand-ups are neurotic, you know? So those neuroses show in everyday life when they're, when you're seeing them try to interact with people and be social.

• 20:21Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, well, or they don't interact at all. They're very like, uh... And I understand we all have our days, but there's a couple of people that are very inward and do not want to talk to anybody.

• 20:31Speaker 06

  Yeah, and you know, it's so, stand-up, everyone just assumes it's the funniest person. I'm like, it's not necessarily the funniest person, it's who can craft a story and spit it back out to you.

• 20:40Andrew Santino?

  It's definitely not the funniest person.

• 20:41Speaker 06

  No.

• 20:42Andrew Santino?

  Growing up, I have some unbelievably funny people in my life, but they're also loose cannons.

• 20:47Speaker 06

  Well, if you, yeah.

• 20:48Andrew Santino?

  Could they get it together? No.

• 20:49Speaker 06

  You could get up there and write something, they'd be like, no, absolutely not.

• 20:52Andrew Santino?

  No, no, no. They're just loose and falling apart in front of our face and it's nice to watch.

• 20:56Speaker 06

  So part of, part of the job is the writing, the, a big part of the job is the writing.

• 21:00Andrew Santino?

  The presentation. I think you constructing your, your being is, is just as important that people, you know, that when you're young and someone's like, find your voice.

• 21:09Speaker 06

  Right.

• 21:10Andrew Santino?

  And you're like, what the fuck are you talking about? And then you realize, oh, it's me as a, as a performance entity.

• 21:15Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 21:16Andrew Santino?

  That's what it really is. It's like, how do I look, how do I create this aura of person to give to them?

• 21:21Speaker 06

  Yeah. It is fun though to watch like, at least the people in our age group that have come up, like seeing everyone evolve into the comics they are, that is cool.

• 21:32Andrew Santino?

  It is kinda cool.

• 21:33Speaker 06

  To watch.

• 21:33Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, no, it is kinda beautiful to watch.

• 21:35Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 21:35Andrew Santino?

  And it's, and it's interesting to see certain people that went higher than I ever thought.

• 21:38Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 21:39Andrew Santino?

  And it's funny to see people that went lower. I knew where I was coming. We'll put up a list. No, no, no, don't.

• 21:46Speaker 06

  Here's our PowerPoint.

• 21:48Andrew Santino?

  Whenever I say put up a list, my editor Joe will put up a list of people and I'm like, no, no, don't do that. They're gonna think that's me. They're gonna think I did that.

• 21:56Speaker 01

  In here, we pour whiskey.

• 21:59Andrew Santino?

  Lot of stuff you want to leave back in 2024, but something you're gonna bring into 2025 is gonna be Mando, whole body deodorant. Mando, I'm smelling good. Maybe that should be their new slogan. Mando is great. Their full body deodorant is incredible. That whole body deodorant is safe to use anywhere on your body. Pits, balls, thigh folds, belly buttons, butt cracks, feet, neck, nose, ear, lips, tush, uh, anything. It's created by a doctor who saw firsthand how normal BO was being misdiagnosed and mistreated. It's clinically proven to block all the odor, all the day long. Control odor for up to 72 hours. Uh, they got the solid stick deodorant formulated and powered by uh, mandelic acid to stop odor before it starts. It blocks it before it even gets there, huh? Uh, spray deodorant is aluminum free and ideal for hard to reach places. And uh, they got a variety of fresh scents.

• 22:43Andrew Santino?

  Bourbon leather, clover woods, and my favorite, Mount Fuji. Shout out Bobby Lee. Or pro sport. Clinically proven to control odor better than a shower with soap alone. 12 hours after a shower, the average man's grundle odor, that's the area, that's the no fly zone under there, uh, was a five out of 10. With Mando, the average grundle odor level is a zero out of 10. Come on. If you want to try America's number one whole body deodorant formula right now, you can find them in Walmart, Target, and other retailers across the country. For the best deals, go to shopmando.com. Shopmando.com. Mando starter pack is perfect for new customers. Comes with a solid stick deodorant, cream tube deodorant, and two free products of your choice like mini body wash and deodorant wipes, and free shipping. This is a special offer for our listeners. New customers are gonna get $5 off a starter pack with our exclusive code that equates to over 40% off your starter pack. Uh, use

• 23:26Andrew Santino?

  code WHISKY at shopmando.com. That's S-H-O-P-M-A-N-D-O dot com. Shopmando.com. Please support our show and tell them we sent you. Smell fresher, stay drier, and boost your confidence from head to toe with Mando. Here to tell you about Skims. Skims keep me nice and slim. Uh, hey, when I was a young lad, I was a boxer's dude. I never was a briefs guy. I mean, maybe when I was a little lad, before I could pick my own underwear, but I was a boxers dude. I used to love my polo boxers, you know, those plaid boxers, big, baggy. I wanted to be like, uh, I wanted to be like Method Man, so bad when I was a kid. Uh, but now I switched. I switched over to briefs and I like them stretchy, the boxer briefs. I like them stretchy, okay? And once I tried the Skims stretch brief, I don't think there's any going back.

• 24:09Andrew Santino?

  They're sleek, lightweight and super comfortable. It almost feels like you're wearing nothing at all, but I'm still kept fully secure where it matters most, in my... Trust me, when it comes to underwear, I've now tried them all. I actually have. And Skims, uh, is the best to do it. Skims is pretty incredible. You've heard about it, you've seen about it, you know about it. Uh, you know about the, uh, famous people that wear it and that promote it and that love it. It's so comfortable. Honestly, it's genuinely so soft. Uh, and I also love that you can wash it and it's not gonna get ruined. Big pet peeve about underwear, you throw it in the washer like twice and it starts to thread and peel or pull or pill or whatever word it is. Uh, but when I first found out about it, I thought, "Let me try this out. I know it's famous, backed. Famous people love it. Let me see if it's really worth it or they're just putting on a show." Nah, it's great. Skims underwear is great. Makes me feel nice and comfortable.

• 24:51Andrew Santino?

  And at the end of the day, a pretty little ginger and that's all I really wanna be. Uh, shop Skims, men, men's and more at skims.com and Skims, New York flagship on 5th Avenue, baby! Let them know we sent you. Say, "Hey, I'm here from Whiskey Ginger." Uh, after you place your order, select Podcast in the survey and select our show in the dropdown menu that follows. That's skims.com/whiskey. Skims.com/whiskey.

• 25:21Andrew Santino?

  The world is coming to a close pretty soon. I do feel like we're reaching our-

• 25:23Speaker 06

  It's all, it's all over.

• 25:24Andrew Santino?

  I do feel like we're reaching our critical mass. You don't think so? I think this is it.

• 25:28Speaker 06

  This is why I'm not having kids.

• 25:29Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, same. High five.

• 25:31Speaker 06

  Boom!

• 25:31Andrew Santino?

  It does feel like, um, something's a-bubbling.

• 25:34Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 25:35Andrew Santino?

  I feel just like the world, the tension of the world is about to crack.

• 25:38Speaker 06

  Like, like we're a bottle that's being shaken and we're about...

• 25:41Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's about to explode.

• 25:42Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 25:43Andrew Santino?

  Or really, if you really want a more literal metaphor, we're, we're just one of those musket guns they packed so tight with all that shit. They're like, "Well, I gotta shoot it eventually."

• 25:50Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 25:51Andrew Santino?

  "I can't keep putting gunpowder in here."

• 25:52Speaker 06

  Thank you for a musket reference.

• 25:53Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, well, you love muskets. I know you used to collect them. My little musket friend.

• 25:57Speaker 06

  I was just, all of a sudden, get out my three muskets.

• 26:01Andrew Santino?

  No, but the gun thing is like, I feel like we're, I mean, I'm referencing, of course, this guy shooting this dude in midtown Manhattan and just like,

• 26:07Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah.

• 26:08Andrew Santino?

  People are, I feel like this might be the future. People are gonna be like, you know what? I'm just gonna go kill somebody.

• 26:13Speaker 06

  It's wild. And then TikTok's like, writing songs about it. It's like, what the fuck?

• 26:18Andrew Santino?

  TikTok's like, this guy's a hero, dude. We can't stop talking about Luigi. He's on, he's just on my tongue.

• 26:23Speaker 06

  Luigi.

• 26:24Andrew Santino?

  Mengione. I mean, the name is great, the, he's handsome. He will be cemented in history as like this guy that started a revolution. Now, whether or not other people start following suit and play, what do they call it when, when serial killers do that? Copycat? Copycat, yeah. I don't know if it's gonna happen, but I gotta tell you, it sure does feel like it.

• 26:41Speaker 06

  I don't know.

• 26:42Andrew Santino?

  It feels like a har, an Ivy League kid did influence non-Ivy League people to maybe take up arms.

• 26:49Speaker 06

  I think he, didn't he have like, read a manifesto of like the Unabomber or something?

• 26:53Andrew Santino?

  Oh, I don't know. Is that true?

• 26:54Speaker 06

  So he was influenced.

• 26:55Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 26:56Speaker 06

  In some capacity.

• 26:57Andrew Santino?

  Unabomber, great dude.

• 26:58Speaker 06

  Not a great dude. Not a great dude.

• 27:01Andrew Santino?

  Terrible guy.

• 27:02Speaker 06

  Terrible guy.

• 27:03Andrew Santino?

  Terrible guy. Anybody that kills at random, bad people. Bad people. Don't kill people, man, please.

• 27:08Speaker 06

  We're just here to spread positivity.

• 27:09Andrew Santino?

  Well, we're just trying, look, all we're trying to do is make people feel good. And then the irony is that people, when they're angry, take it out on us. They're like, shut up, clown.

• 27:16Speaker 06

  I know that. People get very angry at happy people.

• 27:19Andrew Santino?

  It's weird, dude. It's so weird. What do you have, the manifesto? Is that true?

• 27:23Speaker 06

  I think someone told me I looked like a penis. I, in my...

• 27:26Andrew Santino?

  A penis?

• 27:27Speaker 06

  Yeah, cuz I had a pink suit on. And I was like, listen, I'd love to be able to confirm or deny, but I'm not very familiar with penises.

• 27:34Andrew Santino?

  Pink would be more vagina than penis, to be honest with you, yeah. My penis isn't really pink.

• 27:38Speaker 06

  It's not pink?

• 27:39Andrew Santino?

  What color's my penis?

• 27:40Speaker 06

  Yeah, you know.

• 27:41Andrew Santino?

  McCone, you know better than anybody. What color is it?

• 27:44Speaker 06

  Red.

• 27:45Andrew Santino?

  It definitely has more red tone to it, yeah. You know what it is. Well, I guess you can't really look down when it's in your mouth.

• 27:51Speaker 06

  Dude, guys. God dang it. Do you guys just walk around?

• 27:57Andrew Santino?

  Thinking about our penises all day?

• 27:59Speaker 06

  No, like seeing each other's stuff.

• 28:00Andrew Santino?

  We see, okay, so when we're young, there is a critical moment in a young man's life when you see your father's penis. And that does something to you. Like, what is it like when you see your mom naked when you're a kid?

• 28:10Speaker 06

  Mmm, it's the boobs you see.

• 28:12Andrew Santino?

  As a woman, you're, as a young woman, you're like, oh wow.

• 28:14Speaker 06

  Oh, what are those things?

• 28:15Andrew Santino?

  Interesting.

• 28:15Speaker 06

  Yeah, but we don't really pay attention, I think, to the badge.

• 28:19Andrew Santino?

  Well, yeah, because it doesn't stick out.

• 28:20Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 28:20Andrew Santino?

  Right, you don't, of course not. It's not an outie.

• 28:22Speaker 06

  It's whatever's hanging in.

• 28:23Andrew Santino?

  It's an innie.

• 28:23Speaker 06

  Hanging on the body.

• 28:24Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, whatever's hanging off. If it's a hanger, you're gonna look.

• 28:26Speaker 06

  Unless it's abnormally large.

• 28:28Andrew Santino?

  Mom!

• 28:28Speaker 06

  Whoa, look at that.

• 28:29Andrew Santino?

  Look at those curtains.

• 28:32Andrew Santino?

  No, so when you see your dad's penis as a child, it does something to you mentally.

• 28:35Speaker 06

  Cause you're like, is mine supposed to look like that?

• 28:37Andrew Santino?

  I hope mine gets that big one day.

• 28:39Speaker 06

  Right, right.

• 28:39Andrew Santino?

  Cause you see it when you're a young boy and you're like, oh my god, that's what a penis looks like?

• 28:43Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 28:43Andrew Santino?

  Cause yours is so small when you're a kid. And then you're just like, Jesus, I hope it grows. And then there is a lot of relief when you get older.

• 28:51Speaker 06

  When it does happen.

• 28:52Andrew Santino?

  But it is a weird thing when you're a young boy and you see your dad naked. Cause dads are always really kind of, especially Midwest dads, they're just so free with the nudity.

• 29:00Speaker 06

  Really?

• 29:00Andrew Santino?

  Midwest dads will walk around with their balls. Yeah, it just doesn't matter to a Midwest dad. I mean, that's how it was for us.

• 29:04Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 29:05Andrew Santino?

  You see your dad, you're gonna see him, yeah, that's what I mean.

• 29:07Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 29:08Andrew Santino?

  And it's just kinda like a, dad's in his underwear on the couch, his balls might slip out of the underwear.

• 29:13Speaker 06

  Right, yeah, my dad was free balling at times.

• 29:15Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's what I'm saying, yeah.

• 29:16Speaker 06

  That was back in the day when you'd take the pictures and had to take him to like Sam's Club or whatever. And get him back a week later. So I remember my mom took all these pictures all week and my dad was, I think, going through a midlife crisis. So he was free balling up a storm.

• 29:30Andrew Santino?

  Hell yeah.

• 29:30Speaker 06

  And we were taking family pictures and she gets him back a week later and she's like, Mike! What? And his balls are just hanging out of like every picture.

• 29:40Andrew Santino?

  Dude, shout out Mike and his big balls. Shout out Mike and his big, beautiful balls.

• 29:44Speaker 06

  And he's like, what?

• 29:45Andrew Santino?

  Let them nuts hang, dude.

• 29:46Speaker 06

  We're on the beach. Like literally every picture.

• 29:52Andrew Santino?

  Every family photo?

• 29:53Speaker 06

  He's on the banister, sitting on the banister.

• 29:58Andrew Santino?

  Imagine he's on the banister, one nut on one side, one on the other. Mike, you're straddling the banister.

• 30:02Speaker 06

  Just hearing her get so, like, Mike.

• 30:05Andrew Santino?

  I do love that, though. That's a dad, let a dad live.

• 30:07Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 30:08Andrew Santino?

  So, yeah, when you see that as a young man, it does kind of make you, it's volun- it's a little insecure vulnerability when you're very young. You know, if you're like, when you're like eight, nine years old, you're like, Jesus Christ.

• 30:17Speaker 06

  Right.

• 30:18Andrew Santino?

  What is that about? And then...

• 30:19Speaker 06

  As you get older?

• 30:20Andrew Santino?

  Well, no, and then you get older, you only see penises in the locker rooms.

• 30:23Speaker 06

  Uh huh.

• 30:24Andrew Santino?

  If you play sports. And then...

• 30:26Speaker 06

  It's more like a high school thing.

• 30:27Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, high school, then after that, you really don't.

• 30:30Speaker 06

  Not really.

• 30:30Andrew Santino?

  Unless...

• 30:31Speaker 06

  Unless you're pe- you're peeking at the urinal.

• 30:34Andrew Santino?

  Not really, no one really does that.

• 30:35Speaker 06

  That's bad etiquette, right? Can't be like this.

• 30:38Andrew Santino?

  Everyone, no one really does that. I will say, um, I will say sometimes, if I'm at a urinal,

• 30:45Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 30:45Andrew Santino?

  Um, and I'm, you know, next to like the small one, you know, there's like a low one, there's always a low one, a little kid comes in there, I will show him. I go, this is what it's supposed to look like.

• 30:52Speaker 06

  Oh, my god, no.

• 30:54Andrew Santino?

  Kidding. Fortune, Jesus Christ.

• 30:56Speaker 06

  Good lord.

• 30:56Andrew Santino?

  No, no, no, I don't, we never... No, no, no, no, no. In the urinals, though, you kind of have horse blinders on. It is weird. You almost, you just don't even... Yeah, you can't. There is always a wall, but you can't see, because you're kind of so...

• 31:10Speaker 06

  You just know to look forward.

• 31:11Andrew Santino?

  Or down. We, a lot of us look at ourself.

• 31:13Speaker 06

  Really?

• 31:13Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 31:14Speaker 03

  There's not always a wall, though. Sometimes they have a trough.

• 31:16Speaker 06

  Oh, my god.

• 31:17Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, trough at sporting events is kind of weird. Then you're really looking at someone else's wiener.

• 31:20Speaker 06

  And then you're spraying on each other, right?

• 31:21Speaker 03

  You're spraying everywhere.

• 31:22Andrew Santino?

  Everywhere, yeah. It's supposed to.

• 31:24Speaker 06

  Disgus- it's so disgusting.

• 31:25Andrew Santino?

  It is so disgusting. It really is.

• 31:27Speaker 06

  I don't give a shit.

• 31:28Andrew Santino?

  Well, they should have a hose, vroom, that sucks up to it.

• 31:30Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 31:31Andrew Santino?

  That just, vroom, sucks around. I would rather that.

• 31:34Speaker 06

  That's coming, bud.

• 31:36Andrew Santino?

  I hope so, dude. Fingers crossed.

• 31:38Speaker 06

  AI, get on it.

• 31:39Andrew Santino?

  You just get it, well, it should be at your seat at a sporting event. You don't have to leave. You just hook up a, vroom, hook up a hose. Yeah, same thing for women. Just have a little, like, a crotch brace. You hit a button.

• 31:51Speaker 06

  I have a couple of friends that can pee, girls who can pee into a bottle, driving. There's no way.

• 31:58Andrew Santino?

  Whoa.

• 31:59Speaker 06

  Pee all over myself.

• 32:00Andrew Santino?

  Driving?

• 32:01Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 32:01Andrew Santino?

  Dude, I've got a hose and it's hard for me. I've done it and it's hard.

• 32:05Speaker 06

  I don't know how they do that.

• 32:06Andrew Santino?

  It's really hard to pee in a bottle.

• 32:07Speaker 06

  Just shove it up.

• 32:08Andrew Santino?

  While you're driving? Although, shout out to Gatorade, they made the mouth all bigger. Those are-

• 32:11Speaker 06

  Shout out.

• 32:12Andrew Santino?

  Gatorades are ways you're gonna pee into. A regular water bottle is so hard, like that is so hard to pee into.

• 32:17Speaker 06

  This is small.

• 32:18Andrew Santino?

  That's, it's just, you're, you have to, you have to get it right. It's gonna spill.

• 32:21Speaker 06

  Let's see.

• 32:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. Do it! I peed in a water bottle on a road trip.

• 32:27Speaker 06

  I'm gonna drink this water first.

• 32:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, and then I'll pee in it. And then, but only drink it halfway.

• 32:33Andrew Santino?

  No, only, only once in a while do I, have I resorted to that. Pretty rarely. On the way to Vegas one time, my buddy was like, "We're not stopping."

• 32:40Speaker 06

  Which is crazy. What, what are you trying to get to Vegas for?

• 32:43Andrew Santino?

  And it's five minutes. Like, what, what really could we lose?

• 32:45Speaker 06

  Nothing happens till midnight anyway.

• 32:47Andrew Santino?

  Like, have you ever-

• 32:48Speaker 06

  You go to a nice steak dinner?

• 32:49Andrew Santino?

  Well, yeah, actually, I am, yeah. Have you ever been on a, have you ever been on the road, like, traveling on the road, driving from city to city? And you see, you pass like a, you pass a car or a truck? And then you get off at an exit for gas?

• 33:00Speaker 06

  And they're there?

• 33:00Andrew Santino?

  And then you get, no, you get back on and then twenty minutes later, you pass that same car again. You're like, "I didn't lose any time at all."

• 33:06Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 33:06Andrew Santino?

  I just beat that guy twice.

• 33:08Speaker 06

  That's always nice.

• 33:08Andrew Santino?

  I love that feeling. There's something about it, you're like, "There it is."

• 33:12Speaker 06

  That's it.

• 33:12Andrew Santino?

  That, "We passed that truck when we got off, so we didn't lose a dime of time."

• 33:15Speaker 06

  No time wasted.

• 33:16Andrew Santino?

  I think you think you lose ti, lose time on the road, but you don't. I think the math one time, I looked up, like, when people are speeding, you're gaining, like, if you're, if you're speeding exponentially, be, trying to beat out traffic, you gain like, only, only like ten minutes, depending on how many miles it is.

• 33:28Speaker 06

  Really?

• 33:28Andrew Santino?

  Five minutes at the, it's like it was nothing.

• 33:30Speaker 06

  It just feels like you're gaining more than you are.

• 33:32Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you're really not. And also then when you get there five minutes early, then you're gonna waste that time doing something else. And I think the universe wants you to get there when you're supposed to get there.

• 33:39Speaker 06

  And this is sponsored by Safe Driving.

• 33:42Andrew Santino?

  Safe Driving.

• 33:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, the average driver may save only twenty-six seconds per day of speeding.

• 33:47Andrew Santino?

  Twenty-six seconds per day of speeding.

• 33:49Speaker 06

  You hear that, people? Why are we speeding? Why are we road raging and all that stuff?

• 33:53Andrew Santino?

  Cause I've also had this crazy daydream. I've told him this for a while. I've had this like nightmare and it's crossed my mind during the day of me in a big SUV getting into an accident.

• 34:04Speaker 06

  Oh, I don't like this.

• 34:05Andrew Santino?

  Like a suburban, I know, because we're in them all the time.

• 34:07Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 34:08Andrew Santino?

  And I fall asleep in them a lot.

• 34:09Speaker 06

  Uh huh.

• 34:09Andrew Santino?

  You know, like if I'm dri- if I'm getting picked up in the airport.

• 34:11Speaker 06

  I was like, not driving.

• 34:13Andrew Santino?

  No, no, I will sleep and drive. I won't text and drive or drink and drive, but I'll sleep and drive. I will knock out at the wheel. No, but I, because we're in suburbans all the time, so when I'm traveling, I kinda ha- I'll just kind of like be in and out of it and I've had a dream multiple times about getting out of a car, in and out of a car that got into an accident on the freeway. I know.

• 34:31Speaker 06

  Scary.

• 34:31Andrew Santino?

  Please god, knock on wood.

• 34:32Speaker 06

  Wear your seatbelt then.

• 34:33Andrew Santino?

  I do wear my seatbelt every time, every single time. I used to not. And then I got into a fender bender in a, in a driven car. Not a bad accident, but then I, I, I smashed my face on the backseat and I thought, I'm never doing this again.

• 34:44Speaker 06

  Right.

• 34:44Andrew Santino?

  I'm gonna wear a seatbelt in the back.

• 34:46Speaker 06

  Yeah, because it used to be no seatbelts back in the day. Then it was just front seat, seatbelts, but now I feel like every, all the new cars beep in the backseat if you don't have your seatbelt on.

• 34:55Andrew Santino?

  And you should, because you don't want to get thrown through the front window. It's so embarrassing.

• 34:59Speaker 06

  You should, yeah.

• 34:59Andrew Santino?

  It's embarrassing when you see like two people in the front with their seatbelt on and they were fine, but they were like, what, how's that hold? Like the guy in the back.

• 35:05Speaker 06

  Yeah, he just flew through.

• 35:06Andrew Santino?

  Flew through the front of the window, you're like, Jesus dude.

• 35:08Speaker 06

  Wear your seatbelt people.

• 35:10Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, wear them. Please wear them. I wonder what would happen if they had, uh, I saw one of these like, um, Chinese inventors had, um, uh, uh, airbags on a motorcycle.

• 35:19Speaker 06

  Oh, really?

• 35:19Andrew Santino?

  It kinda looked kinda cool. Yeah, they were testing it out to see if like the moment of impact, they like blow up around them.

• 35:24Speaker 06

  If that helps?

• 35:25Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, because you see, I saw motorcycle accidents the other night, I told them and it's, it always, I don't care how bad it is, like how small it is, it's bad.

• 35:32Speaker 06

  It's bad. I've been in LA 21 years now and I have seen so many guys, it's usually guys, laid out on the freeway from a motorcycle.

• 35:42Andrew Santino?

  It is usually guys, that's our thing.

• 35:44Speaker 06

  Yeah, and there's some, there's some ladies that like a motorcycle, Sid.

• 35:47Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but they, but they don't get hit. They're safe enough to not get hit.

• 35:51Speaker 06

  Just going slow.

• 35:52Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 35:52Speaker 06

  It's the weaving in and out in LA, you can't weave in and out.

• 35:56Andrew Santino?

  My dad was shocked when he first came here.

• 35:57Speaker 06

  We're like 70 year olds being like, where's your seatbelt?

• 36:00Andrew Santino?

  Well, you know what it really is?

• 36:03Andrew Santino?

  It's real, you gotta check the stove before you go to bed.

• 36:05Speaker 06

  You gotta really be careful on those motorcycles.

• 36:07Andrew Santino?

  Fifty-seven percent of motorcycle fatalities are male, so it's just over half.

• 36:10Speaker 06

  Oh, so, yeah.

• 36:11Andrew Santino?

  Alright ladies, keep working, you'll get there.

• 36:13Speaker 06

  Ladies.

• 36:14Andrew Santino?

  You'll get there, man, you keep working, you guys keep speeding as well, you two could be as dead on a motorcycle.

• 36:19Speaker 06

  Man.

• 36:19Andrew Santino?

  I've had too many friends lay them down and get really hurt and, and bad, bad, bad. In college, my buddy had one.

• 36:24Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 36:24Andrew Santino?

  I drove it around a little bit and I immediately knew that was a bad, I was like, this is a bad idea. Well, I had dirt bike, my buddy had dirt bikes, even those, they're not as, you know, you're not on the freeway. Even those things, I'm like, this is so dangerous.

• 36:36Speaker 06

  Yeah, I was riding a little mini one, uh, in high school and almost went down the hill into the river with it. I got, I popped, I popped off of it and I'm running, holding it and all I was doing was continuing.

• 36:51Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 36:52Speaker 06

  The gas.

• 36:52Andrew Santino?

  That's what they say, your instinct is to hit the gas and not brake. So you gas up and that takes you further.

• 36:57Speaker 06

  I was about to go right into the river.

• 36:59Andrew Santino?

  Would have been honestly a great look, though.

• 37:01Speaker 06

  You know, I would be missing half my face.

• 37:03Andrew Santino?

  No, that I don't want.

• 37:04Speaker 06

  From the rocks.

• 37:05Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, oh, just getting drugged behind the bike.

• 37:07Speaker 06

  Ah, no.

• 37:08Andrew Santino?

  No, we don't want that to happen, we don't want that to happen. We really, we really want everyone to stay safe out there, I should say.

• 37:13Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 37:14Andrew Santino?

  Please, God, everyone on motorcycle, don't let me almost hit you. I've done that many times.

• 37:17Speaker 06

  I bet.

• 37:18Andrew Santino?

  I've almost hit so many guys on motorcycles, just because I'm not paying attention to lane splitters.

• 37:21Speaker 06

  No one's paying attention, that's the problem.

• 37:23Andrew Santino?

  I know. Are you on your phone, you texting and driving? Be honest.

• 37:26Speaker 06

  Uh, at stoplights for sure.

• 37:28Andrew Santino?

  I am the whole time.

• 37:28Speaker 06

  I have had a cop be like, hey, like, you know, when they're, they pull up beside you and he's like, hey. And I was like, I can't do it now? He's like, mm-mm.

• 37:39Andrew Santino?

  See, I don't understand that.

• 37:40Speaker 06

  I thought you could at stoplights.

• 37:41Andrew Santino?

  At a stoplight does make sense to text and drive.

• 37:42Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 37:43Andrew Santino?

  It really does.

• 37:44Speaker 06

  I was like, this is the break for the texting, right?

• 37:47Andrew Santino?

  That's what it should be.

• 37:48Speaker 06

  And he was like, mm-mm.

• 37:49Andrew Santino?

  The light just says, stop and text.

• 37:51Speaker 06

  I'm like having a conversation with him through my windshield, not now, this is not.

• 37:56Andrew Santino?

  You're sure? Alright, well I'm gonna finish the text. You pull me over.

• 38:00Speaker 06

  Send.

• 38:01Andrew Santino?

  Meanwhile, I see cops breaking the law.

• 38:03Speaker 06

  Oh yeah.

• 38:04Andrew Santino?

  Constantly.

• 38:05Speaker 06

  For sure.

• 38:05Andrew Santino?

  Constantly, I see cops texting and driving on their phone. This is illegal, I see them doing that all the time.

• 38:09Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 38:10Andrew Santino?

  Phone to the ear, I'm always like, how are you, you know. What do you do, make a citizen's arrest and be like one of those vigilantes online?

• 38:14Speaker 06

  Be a narc.

• 38:15Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you wanna be a rat? What, do you wanna be a big old rat? No, because you're too much of a troublemaker, you can't, uh... You can't be a rat, man, you cause a lot of crime and trouble anyway.

• 38:24Speaker 06

  You know me.

• 38:25Andrew Santino?

  You probably never broken the law.

• 38:27Speaker 06

  I mean, not in the, like, serious ways.

• 38:29Andrew Santino?

  You ever stolen anything?

• 38:31Speaker 06

  When I was a kid.

• 38:32Andrew Santino?

  What'd you steal? What's the most expensive thing you stole?

• 38:34Speaker 06

  Oh, it wasn't expensive, it was a piece of gum.

• 38:36Andrew Santino?

  That's it?

• 38:37Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 38:37Andrew Santino?

  You're such a good kid.

• 38:38Speaker 06

  Well, my mom then said, she, I, I asked for the gum, she said no. And I stole it, and then I, like an idiot, popped it into my mouth in the backseat. She's like, "What are you chomping on?" And I'm like, "Nothing." She's, "You stole that gum?" And then she made me march into the store, sobbing, telling the clerk I stole from the store.

• 39:01Andrew Santino?

  And you paid?

• 39:02Speaker 06

  I don't think I paid, but I was humiliated into never, never...

• 39:08Andrew Santino?

  You paid socially, yeah.

• 39:09Speaker 06

  I paid it with my soul. And, uh, never did it again. I think I stole some rich crackers, it was like food. I stole some rich crackers from a girl in the elementary school playground.

• 39:20Andrew Santino?

  God, you're a good kid.

• 39:21Speaker 06

  Just shoved them in my mouth, and she's like, "Is it... Where are my rich crackers?" And I'm, "I don't know, I'm like spitting them out."

• 39:29Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but that's survival, okay?

• 39:31Speaker 06

  I was hungry.

• 39:31Andrew Santino?

  That's survival, man.

• 39:32Speaker 06

  My mom didn't send me to school with a snack, so, stuff like that, that kinda dumb stuff.

• 39:37Andrew Santino?

  God, you never were, like, you didn't do anything bad.

• 39:38Speaker 06

  I'm like a rule follower.

• 39:40Andrew Santino?

  No, that's wonderful.

• 39:41Speaker 06

  So...

• 39:41Andrew Santino?

  I, when we were kids, we just couldn't wait to break the law.

• 39:44Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 39:44Andrew Santino?

  It was like my favorite thing to do.

• 39:46Speaker 06

  What was the most expensive thing you stole?

• 39:47Andrew Santino?

  A car.

• 39:49Speaker 06

  No, for real?

• 39:50Andrew Santino?

  No, I never stole a car, no. I just had to say it.

• 39:52Speaker 06

  You said it with such...

• 39:53Andrew Santino?

  I stole a man's family one time. Uh, no. The most expensive thing we stole was always like, uh, I never wanted to rob someone of something valuable to them. We just, we stole a lot of booze, we would go garage hopping. We loved that.

• 40:05Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 40:05Andrew Santino?

  Stealing alcohol, I've stolen, um...

• 40:09Andrew Santino?

  I've never dine and dash. You know, I never did that.

• 40:12Speaker 06

  I didn't, I've not done that, yeah.

• 40:14Andrew Santino?

  I never did a dine and dash because I always felt guilty because there were humans attached to it.

• 40:17Speaker 06

  Right.

• 40:17Andrew Santino?

  But if I stole something from your garage, I didn't give a shit. It was in your garage. It was like a, you know, bottle of whiskey or it was like, I don't know, a baseball bat or whatever. We stole like miniscule bullshit.

• 40:27Speaker 06

  They won't miss this. They're like, that's my prized.

• 40:29Andrew Santino?

  They got a house.

• 40:30Speaker 06

  Bottle of booze.

• 40:31Andrew Santino?

  They got a house. They'll get a new one. You know what I mean? Yeah. And if you were prized bottle of booze, you kept it in the garage. In the Midwest. Midwest, everyone has a fridge in the garage.

• 40:38Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 40:38Andrew Santino?

  It's just prime. If I saw your garage was open, because in the nineties, you'd leave your garage open.

• 40:41Speaker 06

  Really?

• 40:42Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you'd just leave your garage open. Kids would come home and they'd go in and out and play. And that was like a normal thing to see. And there was always a fridge in the garage. There was always beer for dad in the garage. Always.

• 40:50Speaker 06

  Interesting, yeah.

• 40:51Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's just a cultural thing.

• 40:51Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah, I remember the Roseanne sitcom. Didn't he always go to the garage for?

• 40:56Andrew Santino?

  I don't remember, but that sounds right.

• 40:56Speaker 06

  Beer in the fridge. I feel like something like that, yeah.

• 40:58Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that sounds right. Yeah. Yeah, it's just, I don't know what that is, but it's very cultural. Well, you, you always, every, every house in the Midwest, no matter how big or small the family, they have a secondary fridge.

• 41:07Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 41:08Andrew Santino?

  You have to have two fridges. It's so strange. Even if it's just a family of four.

• 41:11Speaker 06

  Yeah, we did not have that. That was not a thing for us.

• 41:13Andrew Santino?

  In the South?

• 41:14Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 41:15Andrew Santino?

  Well, yeah, I mean, well, you guys are, you know, crazy savages. I mean, you eat outside with your hands.

• 41:20Speaker 06

  We're just fat. We're just, nothing stays in the fridge. We're eating.

• 41:22Andrew Santino?

  I was gonna say, what's going in there? There's no leftovers. We're done. No, it's just, it's such, and my dad, you know, is from North Carolina, so I grew up with that culture too, like that southern, uh, like, sou- southern, southern food culture shocked me because I thought we had good unhealthy food in Chicago.

• 41:42Speaker 06

  Ours is all fried.

• 41:42Andrew Santino?

  It's so, it's, but it's over-salted, deep-fried.

• 41:45Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 41:46Andrew Santino?

  It's good, but it makes me feel like shit.

• 41:47Speaker 06

  Very unhealthy. Every time Jax, my wife, comes home with me, she's like, I need a salad, a vegetable.

• 41:53Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 41:54Speaker 06

  Something. This is not, okay.

• 41:55Andrew Santino?

  The amount of salt, the amount of salt. I don't even, my, my legs will swell up out of my jeans because it's all salt. It's unbelievable.

• 42:01Speaker 06

  It's crazy.

• 42:02Andrew Santino?

  Like, my grandmother used to cook country ham, you know, where you like, you, you, you, you salt it, dry it, salt it, dry it.

• 42:09Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 42:09Andrew Santino?

  And then cook it, then salt it. And I was like, this is, I'm eating a block of salt.

• 42:12Speaker 06

  I don't, I'm like, how did I eat like that all the time?

• 42:15Andrew Santino?

  Because it's culturally so normal that no one even thinks about it. It doesn't, you don't even,

• 42:19Speaker 06

  It's wild.

• 42:19Andrew Santino?

  It's not even like a, uh, guys, this does, you're started on it so young.

• 42:23Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 42:24Andrew Santino?

  That you, now that, that, now that like when my, when my parents visit out here, like, You know, everything here, my dad's always like, everything's so healthy here. I'm like, it's just regular food.

• 42:33Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's not like that insane.

• 42:36Andrew Santino?

  But he, but his diet is absurd. My dad for breakfast eats pork rinds.

• 42:40Speaker 06

  Really?

• 42:40Andrew Santino?

  Loves pork rinds. He'll eat like a jar of pickles, pork rinds and olives. He doesn't eat, he hates eggs. He hates like an eggs and, eggs and bacon breakfast. So he'll want like pork rinds or he'll eat, uh, yeah, he'll eat like, um, salami. You know what I mean? He'll just, whatever's in the fridge.

• 42:57Speaker 06

  Do you look like your dad at all?

• 42:59Andrew Santino?

  This is my stepdad. My real dad, no, I don't look anything like my real dad. I don't look like anybody really. I think I'm adopted.

• 43:04Speaker 06

  Oh no.

• 43:05Andrew Santino?

  A found, this is a found baby face.

• 43:07Speaker 06

  You were at the fire station.

• 43:09Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, a hundred percent. Even the firemen were like, keep it outside. Who knows what that thing's gonna do? I look like my mom in my eyes. This part of my, this part of my face looks like my mom.

• 43:18Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 43:18Andrew Santino?

  My dad is pretty tall, so I got the height from my dad. Cause my mom is a leprechaun. They're tiny people. The Irish are all so small.

• 43:24Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 43:25Andrew Santino?

  I'm six one and when I go to family parties.

• 43:27Speaker 06

  You're just a beast.

• 43:29Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. Like I used to like hit my head on the, on the going downstairs from my grandma's old house. And everybody else. I could see who all was there. That was the benefit. There was no way I could like, like me in Japan was the coolest moment of my life. Walking the streets of Japan as a somewhat.

• 43:43Speaker 06

  Oh yeah.

• 43:44Andrew Santino?

  Above average height guy. Oh, it's unreal.

• 43:46Speaker 06

  I've heard it's amazing.

• 43:47Andrew Santino?

  So great. They're like the sweetest people.

• 43:49Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 43:49Andrew Santino?

  The coolest invent, the, the, the progress socially.

• 43:52Speaker 06

  Really?

• 43:53Andrew Santino?

  Dude, everything you've ever wanted is there.

• 43:54Speaker 06

  Yeah. And the food's great too, right?

• 43:57Andrew Santino?

  Incredible. And I know some people are like, dude, even the subway sushi's good. It is.

• 44:01Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 44:02Andrew Santino?

  It is. Like it, even like a on the go thing. I'm not saying it's the best you've ever had, but it is, it's good.

• 44:09Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 44:09Andrew Santino?

  It's good enough where in the way that someone goes, how would the subway sushi be good? It's like, how is a taco truck in the gas station by my house good?

• 44:16Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 44:16Andrew Santino?

  Same thing.

• 44:17Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 44:17Andrew Santino?

  It's just a cultural thing that they are always on the go. So they need super convenient.

• 44:22Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 44:22Andrew Santino?

  You know, but their convenient on the go stuff is so much more efficient than ours.

• 44:26Speaker 06

  Like fresher.

• 44:27Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's just, but there's also no line for a thing usually. It's like you can get it if you need it pretty quickly. If you need it.

• 44:33Speaker 06

  Right.

• 44:33Andrew Santino?

  It's there. Where here, if it's popular, there's a line down the block.

• 44:36Speaker 06

  Right.

• 44:37Andrew Santino?

  You know what I mean? And they're like, you know. Until we sell out of croissants, you're like, alright, well, I guess I'm not gonna fuck. You know what I mean? I'm not waiting for an hour to get a croissant. I'm sure it's just still butter.

• 44:45Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 44:45Andrew Santino?

  There's nothing to it. But no, Japan is a place to go. I recommend it to everyone. Go to Tokyo. And then go down south. Go to Kyoto. Do you eat meat or not a meat eater?

• 44:53Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 44:54Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, go down south, man.

• 44:55Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 44:55Andrew Santino?

  That's where the beef is, baby.

• 44:57Speaker 06

  Where's the beef?

• 44:58Andrew Santino?

  We got the beef down there, dude. They got that wagyu, dude.

• 45:01Speaker 06

  Get that wagyu.

• 45:02Andrew Santino?

  I'll take some of that wagyu. I did that the other night. We went out to dinner and me and Stavros and Bobby and my agent. And we ordered, like, my agent was paying. It's my favorite. I love taking out a business guy, you know what I mean? Cause you're like, oh, we're gonna overcharge this for sure. Screw you. You guys have been ripping us off our whole career. I'm absolutely gonna charge you.

• 45:20Speaker 06

  Yeah, dude. Wagyu.

• 45:21Andrew Santino?

  You know, I'm paying you guys percentages of my income in perpetuity for my whole life? I'm ordering the wagyu.

• 45:26Speaker 06

  Stavros is so fun. I would love to go eat with him.

• 45:29Andrew Santino?

  The most fun. Yeah. And he really is a light eater.

• 45:31Speaker 06

  Really?

• 45:32Andrew Santino?

  No, of course not. That's insane. You bit on that so fast. That's nuts. What are you talking about, dude?

• 45:38Speaker 06

  You're like, you ordered three steaks.

• 45:39Andrew Santino?

  No, dude. He lets it rip.

• 45:42Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 45:43Andrew Santino?

  But he was actually a really good boy. He lost a bunch of weight.

• 45:45Speaker 06

  Really?

• 45:46Andrew Santino?

  He did. And then, uh, and then he gained a little bit back and he's working back again to... He's gonna get on the Oz.

• 45:52Speaker 06

  Oh, Ozempic.

• 45:53Andrew Santino?

  He's getting on the Ozempic.

• 45:54Speaker 06

  Got it.

• 45:54Andrew Santino?

  Bobby's on it and he's influencing all of our friends to get on it now.

• 45:57Speaker 06

  Does he like it?

• 45:58Andrew Santino?

  He's lost, I think, he said thirteen or fourteen pounds. I said it last time, too. He guessed the number. I think it was, it was just over ten.

• 46:03Speaker 06

  Yeah. So... But Bobby's so tiny. I mean, I know he's got the belly, but he's not like some big dude.

• 46:10Andrew Santino?

  No, but he's, but, but, but, so his weight is probably more detrimental because he's not tall. Do you know what I mean?

• 46:16Speaker 06

  Right, true.

• 46:16Andrew Santino?

  Shorter, short round, you know? You know what I mean? He is short round.

• 46:21Speaker 06

  Short round, that's what we call him.

• 46:22Andrew Santino?

  He's a hundred percent short round. He is, dude. But he's, because he's more smushed.

• 46:26Speaker 06

  If he just shaved some of those pubes, that's at least two pounds.

• 46:29Andrew Santino?

  No, no, you think that's all the weight? All the weight's around his balls? He does need to shave his pubes, that is.

• 46:34Speaker 06

  I've seen his pubes more than I think any man.

• 46:37Andrew Santino?

  Or woman.

• 46:38Speaker 06

  Just on stage.

• 46:39Andrew Santino?

  Anybody in general.

• 46:39Speaker 06

  Just him on stage alone, he's like pulling it out.

• 46:43Andrew Santino?

  Imagine being his best friend on tour with him. I mean, I see, I've seen it all. We have, you know, people have soundcheck, we have pub check, so we do.

• 46:50Speaker 06

  You're over there.

• 46:51Andrew Santino?

  I get to the venue early.

• 46:54Andrew Santino?

  Is this good? Is this shape nice?

• 46:55Speaker 06

  That's a friend right there.

• 46:57Andrew Santino?

  I would do anything for him.

• 46:58Speaker 06

  Aww.

• 46:58Andrew Santino?

  Who is that to you? Who's your like, who's your comedy confidant?

• 47:02Speaker 06

  My comedy confidant, uh, well, she's not a stand-up, but Gillian Bell, you know Gillian Bell?

• 47:08Andrew Santino?

  She's so dope.

• 47:08Speaker 06

  She's been my best friend forever.

• 47:10Andrew Santino?

  I think she's so talented.

• 47:12Speaker 06

  She's so.

• 47:12Andrew Santino?

  We don't know, we don't really know each other. We might have met once, but I think she's fantastic.

• 47:16Speaker 06

  She's amazing. She's an actor and, uh, has been in a lot of movies and stuff, but we're, we've been writing something together for a while. We're just like, please Hollywood, let us make this thing, cause.

• 47:28Andrew Santino?

  You two together would be incredible.

• 47:29Speaker 06

  Yeah, we know each other so well and we write so well together. We came up at the Growling together and.

• 47:34Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you did?

• 47:34Speaker 06

  So we have a movie that we're trying to get made and I'm just like, please let us.

• 47:38Andrew Santino?

  Well, she's so good. You guys are, you, that would be fantastic. Honestly, yeah, she, tell her I'm a fan.

• 47:43Speaker 06

  I will, yeah.

• 47:44Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, cause I like her. Yeah. Well, you know, we have so many mutual friends. It is funny in this business, you have a lot of mutual people that know each other.

• 47:48Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 47:49Andrew Santino?

  But the ships never pass.

• 47:50Speaker 06

  Right.

• 47:50Andrew Santino?

  You know, we just are kind of out at sea sometimes, doing our own thing.

• 47:53Speaker 06

  And I have a lot of good friends, like, who are comics. I, I'm close with, like, Mateo Lane. We're very tight.

• 47:59Andrew Santino?

  The gay guy?

• 48:00Speaker 06

  You know, it's gays, we gotta stick together.

• 48:02Andrew Santino?

  No, I was just at his house. I was at Mateo's beautiful little house in New York, me, him.

• 48:05Speaker 06

  Yeah, he bought Sam's old place.

• 48:07Andrew Santino?

  He did, yeah. And Sam just moved upstairs.

• 48:09Speaker 06

  I know.

• 48:10Andrew Santino?

  That's so great.

• 48:11Speaker 06

  And I'm asking Mateo, I'm like, how did this work? You just like went through a real estate? He's like, no, Sam was just like, you want this apartment?

• 48:18Andrew Santino?

  That's awesome.

• 48:18Speaker 06

  And I was like, cool. I was like, there you go.

• 48:21Andrew Santino?

  Cutting out all the bullshit is so much nicer than going to the. You know, we just had to sell our house and This is a nightmare. It's just a back and forth and their agents talk to our agents and then they want something else.

• 48:32Speaker 06

  You gotta fix things, yeah.

• 48:33Andrew Santino?

  Oh, bro. Well, we didn't. We were like, "Fuck you."

• 48:35Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 48:36Andrew Santino?

  We put so much money into our old house because when we bought it, it was not in great shape.

• 48:39Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 48:40Andrew Santino?

  So we fixed so much.

• 48:41Speaker 06

  Right.

• 48:41Andrew Santino?

  And at some point, you're like, "Fuck you. Buy it. I'm done." I did so much to it. Like, I put in a new HVAC unit and a whole thing. Like, everything was new, redone, and so when they had fin- Small stuff, we were like-

• 48:53Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's just nitpicky.

• 48:54Andrew Santino?

  You go do it.

• 48:55Speaker 06

  So did you find a place that you're pumped about?

• 48:58Andrew Santino?

  I'm living in my car.

• 48:59Speaker 06

  Oh.

• 49:00Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we are.

• 49:01Speaker 06

  It's a nice car, though.

• 49:01Andrew Santino?

  It is. It's a nice car to live in.

• 49:06Andrew Santino?

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• 49:49Andrew Santino?

  and use the promo code WHISKY to get up to $300 in profit cash. The playoffs are here, baby. My Bears are clearly not in it because they stink. But if your team is still in it, congratulations to you. And why not have a little fun? Get a little skin in the game. Make your heart beat a little bit faster when that 58-yard kick is being set up with a little bit of left-to-right wind, okay? You gotta download ProfitX right now. Use the promo code WHISKY one more time. ProfitX, download that code WHISKY to get up to $300 in profit cash today. You want to look good. It's 2025, switch it up, look good, stop looking like a slob. And I'm telling you what, Indochino has got you, my friends, okay?

• 50:33Andrew Santino?

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• 51:18Andrew Santino?

  walk you through every step. But I'm telling you, nothing feels better than a dapper Dan Day. When you're wearing a suit, you feel great. If you want to fine tune every detail to make it custom for you, why not? Why not? It's a new year, it's a new year. Do yourself a favor, get yourself a nice little new suit. For all your 2025 plans, whether it's a wedding, a workoutting, you know, a big important anniversary, a date, or if you're just going to a sporting event, you want to wear them, you want to wear it to a sporting event, you can, why not? For all your 2025 plans, look your best in Indochino. Visit indochino.com and use the code WHISKY to get 20% off any purchase of $4.99 or more. That's pretty good, man. That's 20% off at I-N-D-O-C-H-I-N-O.com. Indochino.com promo code once again is WHISKY.

• 52:05Speaker 06

  Yeah, we bought a new build and now we're like, ah, I don't think this is the right place, but we're like, we're not going to make money on this house.

• 52:12Andrew Santino?

  Well, you just got to stay in it until it breaks even.

• 52:14Speaker 06

  And I don't want to, I don't think I want to do that.

• 52:16Andrew Santino?

  You want to get out.

• 52:17Speaker 06

  I think so.

• 52:18Andrew Santino?

  Damn.

• 52:18Speaker 06

  And my, yeah, all the business people are like, that, five to seven years, I'm like, no.

• 52:24Andrew Santino?

  How long you been in it, a year?

• 52:25Speaker 06

  Two.

• 52:25Andrew Santino?

  Oh, unfortunate.

• 52:27Speaker 06

  I know.

• 52:27Andrew Santino?

  Settle in a little bit.

• 52:28Speaker 06

  It's, it's built for a family. There's like, it's too, it's not.

• 52:32Andrew Santino?

  Go ahead and brag.

• 52:33Speaker 06

  Right for us.

• 52:34Andrew Santino?

  I saw it underneath your tongue.

• 52:35Speaker 06

  Seven bathrooms.

• 52:36Andrew Santino?

  Seven bathrooms?

• 52:37Speaker 06

  I don't need that.

• 52:38Andrew Santino?

  Damn dude.

• 52:39Speaker 06

  I don't need that.

• 52:40Andrew Santino?

  That is ama- that's so many bathrooms.

• 52:42Speaker 06

  So many, but that's for a fa- there's like a bathroom in every, every, all these rooms.

• 52:47Andrew Santino?

  Damn dude, that's huge.

• 52:49Speaker 06

  And it's.

• 52:49Andrew Santino?

  I, can I sleep over?

• 52:50Speaker 06

  Yeah, please.

• 52:51Andrew Santino?

  I'm coming over dude.

• 52:52Speaker 06

  I just wanna use these bathrooms.

• 52:54Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, when you don't, when you have bathrooms, uh, Dana Carvey said that on this show, he's like, be care- be weary of, um, empty room syndrome or something like that?

• 53:02Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 53:02Andrew Santino?

  Is that what it was? That he's like, you'll, you'll, you'll buy something sometimes, and if you don't have a family, or your family's already gone, he's like, you'll walk into a room, you're like, you know I fucking never go in this room?

• 53:12Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 53:12Andrew Santino?

  And I was like, well, that's a privileged perspective, but I get it.

• 53:15Speaker 06

  Right.

• 53:15Andrew Santino?

  But I was like, I don't think that's my problem. But he goes,

• 53:18Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 53:18Andrew Santino?

  you can get there on accident and realize,

• 53:20Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 53:20Andrew Santino?

  why did I get a place that I need more than I needed?

• 53:22Speaker 06

  And our house is not crazy square footage.

• 53:26Andrew Santino?

  Twelve million dollars isn't insane for someone like you.

• 53:27Speaker 06

  It is no, not even, not even close to that. It's just laid out in a way that's not, like, it's, it's not some huge house, it's just laid out very bad.

• 53:36Andrew Santino?

  Seven bathrooms has gotta be pretty big though. I'm not gonna put you on the spot.

• 53:38Speaker 06

  Four thousands, four thousand.

• 53:39Andrew Santino?

  Gotta be more than that.

• 53:40Speaker 06

  No, I swear to God.

• 53:41Andrew Santino?

  That's it?

• 53:42Speaker 06

  Four, like forty-one, forty-one hundred.

• 53:44Andrew Santino?

  Are the bathrooms next door to each other?

• 53:45Speaker 06

  That's what I'm saying, they're tiny rooms and they all have a bathroom. I'm like, why?

• 53:49Andrew Santino?

  That's a lot.

• 53:50Speaker 06

  And when we were looking at it, I don't know why we didn't process this, but yeah, forty-one hundred, it's not crazy.

• 53:55Andrew Santino?

  Does she love it?

• 53:56Speaker 06

  No, we, it's fine, it's fine.

• 53:59Andrew Santino?

  Okay.

• 53:59Speaker 06

  But we know it's not home, home.

• 54:01Andrew Santino?

  Where, what is home then?

• 54:03Speaker 06

  We wanna find, we wanna.

• 54:04Andrew Santino?

  Here in Los Angeles or elsewhere?

• 54:06Speaker 06

  Oh, it's here, yeah.

• 54:06Andrew Santino?

  Oh, it is here still.

• 54:07Speaker 06

  But I think we want, uh, it's, this is two-story, we wanna go back to a ranch.

• 54:11Andrew Santino?

  I see, we, our first house was a ranch too, and that was always my dream.

• 54:15Speaker 06

  I love the ranch.

• 54:16Andrew Santino?

  I like a long house.

• 54:17Speaker 06

  I want a lo- I want a wide house.

• 54:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 54:20Speaker 06

  I don't want the.

• 54:21Andrew Santino?

  Up is, up is a waste.

• 54:22Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 54:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, let's go out.

• 54:23Speaker 06

  Let's go wide.

• 54:24Andrew Santino?

  I do like that.

• 54:24Speaker 06

  But that's hard to find in LA.

• 54:26Andrew Santino?

  It is. Uh, well, there, there are a lot of ranches, they're, they're just tiny cute little, tiny smaller houses, but if you want something that's.

• 54:30Speaker 06

  My old house was a ranch, I loved it, loved, loved, loved it. It's so, so small.

• 54:35Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, same.

• 54:35Speaker 06

  Sixteen hundred square feet.

• 54:37Andrew Santino?

  Mine was six, six hundred square feet.

• 54:39Speaker 06

  Our sweet spot, your tiny home.

• 54:42Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 54:42Speaker 06

  Our sweet spot would be like three.

• 54:44Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 54:45Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 54:45Andrew Santino?

  If you can find it. You just go way out.

• 54:48Speaker 06

  All these developers buy the, those small ranch houses and tear them down.

• 54:52Andrew Santino?

  I know. Well, I mean, look, we really should get out of LA if we're being honest, because we're paying taxes to a place that's burning in hell. I mean, this is a silly.

• 54:58Speaker 06

  Malibu's on fire.

• 54:59Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, what's going on? I feel so bad.

• 55:01Speaker 06

  Malibu's on fire a lot though.

• 55:03Andrew Santino?

  Get out of there.

• 55:03Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 55:04Andrew Santino?

  Get out of there. It does feel like a place where you're like, it's like New Orleans. And like, what if it floods again? You're like, it's gonna.

• 55:10Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 55:10Andrew Santino?

  We should get out of these places. Like, Malibu's always on fire.

• 55:13Speaker 06

  But it's so pretty. Who doesn't want to eat at Nobu?

• 55:16Andrew Santino?

  It's pretty for eight months. Yeah. Well, I like to go.

• 55:19Speaker 06

  You're eating sushi like, fire on the mountains.

• 55:22Andrew Santino?

  That's the only time I go. They're like, so we're closed for fire.

• 55:25Speaker 06

  An eight hour, um, traffic jam to get out of there.

• 55:29Andrew Santino?

  A one road to get in and out.

• 55:30Speaker 06

  Eating in Nobu.

• 55:31Andrew Santino?

  It's stupid as shit on earth. I love when people try to suck you into that it's not that big of a deal.

• 55:34Speaker 06

  You know what I'm thinking about? I, I think, not Malibu, but living at the beach might be fun.

• 55:40Andrew Santino?

  For whom?

• 55:41Speaker 06

  For me.

• 55:41Andrew Santino?

  No thanks.

• 55:42Speaker 06

  You don't want it?

• 55:43Andrew Santino?

  What am I doing over there?

• 55:43Speaker 06

  Well, that's true. I mean, are you gonna go lay out?

• 55:46Andrew Santino?

  Get burnt? Well, who are you? What are you? You think you're olive, you think an olive princess?

• 55:50Speaker 06

  I'm tan mom over here.

• 55:53Andrew Santino?

  Tan mom? No, do you tan? You don't tan. No. What are you doing? What are you doing at the beach?

• 55:58Speaker 06

  I don't know. Beach life seems fun.

• 56:00Andrew Santino?

  It's not. For what?

• 56:01Speaker 06

  I don't know, chilling.

• 56:02Andrew Santino?

  No, you're chilling at home.

• 56:05Andrew Santino?

  Dude, we've gone, I've done this so many times. No, I walk in my neighborhood.

• 56:08Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 56:09Andrew Santino?

  I hate sand.

• 56:09Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 56:10Andrew Santino?

  What is it for?

• 56:11Speaker 06

  Right.

• 56:12Andrew Santino?

  It's so annoying.

• 56:13Speaker 06

  It does get up your butt and all that stuff.

• 56:15Andrew Santino?

  And then it's like all over the car, and then it gets all over the house, and then, if I do bring my dog.

• 56:19Speaker 06

  We wouldn't live on the beach. We would have to live like.

• 56:21Andrew Santino?

  See, to me, it's like, then why go over there?

• 56:22Speaker 06

  Ten, ten rows back.

• 56:23Andrew Santino?

  Well, then, why go over there if you're not gonna live on the beach?

• 56:25Speaker 06

  I don't know, it just seems, I'm entering my beach phase.

• 56:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, okay. By the way, you're gonna be there, and then two years, be like, why are we at the beach? I need to sell this one. Your business manager's like, fortune.

• 56:36Speaker 06

  Get ready for my bikini body. It's coming.

• 56:38Andrew Santino?

  I am, dude. I'm in, dude. You don't wanna see my bikini body either, when I wear a little Speedo. I just don't like the beach, because it's, um, it's just, it's impossible to get to, it's hard to park at, it's not fun to be at. We have, our beaches are long.

• 56:53Speaker 06

  Uh huh.

• 56:53Andrew Santino?

  Right? So it takes a long time to get from the, from the beginning to the water.

• 56:57Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 56:57Andrew Santino?

  It's just, it's like, it's too long.

• 56:59Speaker 06

  Maybe I'll rent an Airbnb for a month and see how I like it.

• 57:02Andrew Santino?

  I dare you to do that. You're gonna hate it.

• 57:03Speaker 06

  I dare me also.

• 57:06Andrew Santino?

  Look, if I was gonna live at the beach, I'd be in Florida.

• 57:08Speaker 06

  Right.

• 57:09Andrew Santino?

  Cause their beaches are way better.

• 57:10Speaker 06

  Yeah, that is true.

• 57:11Andrew Santino?

  On the Gulf side, it's so nice. It's like, warm water, it's, it's quick to get into the water.

• 57:16Speaker 06

  You just have to evacuate a couple times a year.

• 57:19Andrew Santino?

  No, I'll die. I'll just die. Take me out.

• 57:22Speaker 06

  I'm going down with my house.

• 57:23Andrew Santino?

  Just take me out, dude. But I just, I think Florida is the beach that I, in terms of like, where I actually would live, even though I, I don't wanna move to Florida.

• 57:32Speaker 06

  Right.

• 57:32Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, Florida beaches, cause they're just so nice and cozy and the culture is very like chill and no one really gives a shit.

• 57:38Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 57:39Andrew Santino?

  And our beaches are still filled with like, crime and heroin and homeless and, it's so sketchy on the west side.

• 57:44Speaker 06

  Well, we'll see.

• 57:45Andrew Santino?

  Alright, go.

• 57:46Speaker 06

  Go, do.

• 57:48Andrew Santino?

  Invite me over, I do wanna come over.

• 57:49Speaker 06

  Alright.

• 57:50Andrew Santino?

  When you get your beach house.

• 57:51Speaker 06

  Alright, you and me in a Speedo and bikini.

• 57:53Andrew Santino?

  Dude, photo shoot.

• 57:54Speaker 06

  We're gonna walk down the.

• 57:55Andrew Santino?

  I smell a photo shoot. Pale riders, pale riders in the house.

• 58:00Speaker 06

  Whiskey gingers.

• 58:00Andrew Santino?

  Dude, you know how, I, I went to Bora Bora for my birthday, for my 40th birthday.

• 58:04Speaker 06

  Oh nice.

• 58:04Andrew Santino?

  And I sunburnt the first day I was there.

• 58:06Speaker 06

  Oh my god, did you even try to put on sunscreen?

• 58:09Andrew Santino?

  So much.

• 58:09Speaker 06

  And it still is a.

• 58:11Andrew Santino?

  You're on the fucking equator down there.

• 58:12Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 58:13Andrew Santino?

  You're like basically kissing the sun.

• 58:14Speaker 06

  I haven't been to Bora Bora.

• 58:15Andrew Santino?

  Pretty amazing. It was, it was one of those lifetime, one of those lifetime trips.

• 58:18Speaker 06

  How long did it take to get there?

• 58:21Andrew Santino?

  Uh, I think to Tahiti was...

• 58:25Speaker 06

  Ten?

• 58:25Andrew Santino?

  I wanna say, oh, ten, yeah?

• 58:27Speaker 06

  Yeah, we, so in my special, my first joke out is about going to the Maldives.

• 58:32Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 58:32Speaker 06

  Uh, and that was like, a day's trip.

• 58:36Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's far.

• 58:37Speaker 06

  It's 18 hours to Qatar, Qatar, and then another six hours.

• 58:43Andrew Santino?

  Yuck.

• 58:43Speaker 06

  And then an hour, another hour plane. And I loved it, it was beautiful.

• 58:48Andrew Santino?

  But the trip.

• 58:49Speaker 06

  But I've heard Bora Bora's a similar vibe, and way closer.

• 58:53Andrew Santino?

  It is way closer, yeah. I mean, you have to fly to Tahiti, then you have to either take another little puddle jumper plane over to the, to the island. It is, it is beautiful. I mean, it's stunning. You get there by boat. I mean, once you land, you have to boat over to the spot, which is incredible, but... Dude, I don't know, I'm pretty burnt out on like, we flew, we just flew back from Western Australia and that was eighteen hour total.

• 59:10Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's a.

• 59:11Andrew Santino?

  Right, eighteen, yeah, eighteen hours, yeah.

• 59:12Speaker 06

  That's a gnarly trip.

• 59:12Andrew Santino?

  Cause Western Australia, you forget Perth is not.

• 59:15Speaker 06

  I didn't do Perth last tour, cause it's another five hours, right?

• 59:19Andrew Santino?

  Fucking awesome.

• 59:20Speaker 06

  Is it?

• 59:20Andrew Santino?

  We had a fucking blast in Perth. The city is great, the crowds are great. You get to go to Rotteness Island, we took a boat to go see the quokkas, the cute little, uh, you've seen these fucking guys? Oh my god, dude, they're so.

• 59:31Speaker 03

  They're like little rats with, uh.

• 59:33Speaker 06

  I don't.

• 59:34Andrew Santino?

  You don't wanna say rats.

• 59:35Speaker 06

  I don't think I've seen those.

• 59:36Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you've seen them, you've seen it online, like, you've seen what they look like online, but, uh.

• 59:40Speaker 06

  I've seen someone bathing them on TikTok, probably.

• 59:42Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but they're so cute.

• 59:43Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 59:44Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you've seen the quokkas.

• 59:44Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 59:45Andrew Santino?

  So we took a boat to Rotteness Island, but honestly, the crowds were probably some of the best crowds, I mean, they all were great.

• 59:50Speaker 06

  Alright.

• 59:51Andrew Santino?

  But I mean, I think Perth because everyone doesn't go.

• 59:54Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 59:54Andrew Santino?

  And so they're like, thank you for fucking coming and showing us love, but Western Australia had a piece of my heart, I don't know what it was, but it did something for us.

• 1:00:01Speaker 06

  Maybe the move is to do Perth first.

• 1:00:04Andrew Santino?

  Well, we wanted to.

• 1:00:05Speaker 06

  Go all the way out there first and then bring it back in.

• 1:00:08Andrew Santino?

  We wanted to, but the scheduling, you know, you're, you're, you're up for whatever they want.

• 1:00:11Speaker 06

  True, yeah.

• 1:00:12Andrew Santino?

  You know, so like next year, Bob and I are gonna, we, we're not gonna do any more in the United States, for, we said we were done for a while, cause we did a huge tour, we did sixty something cities.

• 1:00:20Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:00:21Andrew Santino?

  And then.

• 1:00:21Speaker 06

  And your own tour at the same time?

• 1:00:23Andrew Santino?

  Separate, I'm doing my tour now.

• 1:00:25Speaker 06

  Now, okay.

• 1:00:25Andrew Santino?

  But I said next fall, Bob and I are trying to go to London, Dublin, Amsterdam.

• 1:00:30Speaker 06

  Nice.

• 1:00:31Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:32Speaker 06

  That'll do well.

• 1:00:33Andrew Santino?

  I think so.

• 1:00:34Speaker 06

  People enjoy, you two together are very funny.

• 1:00:36Andrew Santino?

  It's, you know, it's, uh, he, again, he's my little, uh, he's my comedy crush. He's my little comedy confidant.

• 1:00:42Speaker 06

  He's your comedy.

• 1:00:43Andrew Santino?

  I've never found that in somebody, is my, yeah, he, well.

• 1:00:45Speaker 06

  He's not even a crush, he's your.

• 1:00:47Andrew Santino?

  First of all, he's my girlfriend. Let's be honest, he's my little girlfriend. I've never found someone in comedy that I've connected with so seamlessly in terms of like our styles matching up and also, um. Being so like truly different. We are nothing alike.

• 1:01:01Speaker 06

  Yeah, I don't even think before y'all started Bad Friends that you guys were that tight. I didn't know that y'all were that tight.

• 1:01:07Andrew Santino?

  Well, we weren't that close. I mean, we were just friends. Like, I love, we loved each other and we always fucked with each other.

• 1:01:13Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:01:13Andrew Santino?

  We just were always friends, but like it took this for us to get very close.

• 1:01:18Speaker 06

  To get to the next level.

• 1:01:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, because you know, like we, we loved each other, but Bobby's not really a social creature outside of the club. So like, he doesn't really wanna go hang. I mean, we, we would have dinner sometimes or like we'd get, we'd get food late at night. But he's sleeping all day. He's not hanging.

• 1:01:33Speaker 06

  Right.

• 1:01:33Andrew Santino?

  And I'm not gonna, we're not gonna go for a hike. He's not gonna go to the gym.

• 1:01:36Speaker 06

  Right.

• 1:01:37Andrew Santino?

  You know what I mean? Like, we have just such.

• 1:01:38Speaker 06

  Sleeping all day?

• 1:01:39Andrew Santino?

  He's sleeping there right now. I guarantee if we call him.

• 1:01:41Speaker 06

  Why? He's that tired?

• 1:01:43Andrew Santino?

  No, he needs it. His machine, his little machine needs it.

• 1:01:45Speaker 06

  His little machine?

• 1:01:46Andrew Santino?

  His little machine is recharging.

• 1:01:47Speaker 06

  His micro machine.

• 1:01:48Andrew Santino?

  His little micro machine. That's what I call his penis, his micro machine. He, he just, I think he needs it because he's up all night playing video games.

• 1:01:54Speaker 06

  Oh, I see. Okay.

• 1:01:56Andrew Santino?

  So he's up till four, three or four, give or take. Unless he has to work and then he's very responsible. Then he's up on time. If we have to go to the airport.

• 1:02:03Speaker 06

  He's there. That's good.

• 1:02:04Andrew Santino?

  If we have to work, if he knows it's job.

• 1:02:06Speaker 06

  You gotta be able to count on people if you're gonna be in business with them.

• 1:02:08Andrew Santino?

  Well, if he, if it's for money and it's a job.

• 1:02:11Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:02:12Andrew Santino?

  He's in. But if it's something else, he's like, I'm not doing it.

• 1:02:14Speaker 06

  Yeah. Well, at least you know that.

• 1:02:15Andrew Santino?

  I know. Well, yeah, you figure it out pretty quick.

• 1:02:17Speaker 06

  Right.

• 1:02:18Andrew Santino?

  No, but he, I'd never have met someone like that in comedy and I'm blessed that it happened because I, it's the, I've said it a million, million times. It's the most fun I've ever had in my career.

• 1:02:26Speaker 06

  I love that.

• 1:02:27Andrew Santino?

  By a landslide. There's no TV or film that I've ever done or.

• 1:02:29Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:02:30Andrew Santino?

  He is my Arnold Schwarzenegger to you, basically.

• 1:02:32Speaker 06

  Yeah, Arnold.

• 1:02:34Andrew Santino?

  You guys are, do you talk ever?

• 1:02:35Speaker 06

  Yeah, I was just at his house Saturday.

• 1:02:37Andrew Santino?

  Whoa, story.

• 1:02:38Speaker 06

  Just cuddling now.

• 1:02:42Andrew Santino?

  Fortune.

• 1:02:43Speaker 06

  Fortune.

• 1:02:44Andrew Santino?

  This is how I love you the most. I'm cuddling at my house. Lay down, Fortune.

• 1:02:49Speaker 06

  Fortune, let's go, come on.

• 1:02:50Andrew Santino?

  Rub my belly. You wanna work out?

• 1:02:52Speaker 06

  Let's go to the gym now.

• 1:02:54Andrew Santino?

  He's amazing.

• 1:02:55Speaker 06

  He's really cool. Yeah, we have a blast. We've, uh, done a second season of Food Bar together. Uh, it comes out probably in the spring, I think. Uh, but he loves comedy and he loves comedians. He loves to laugh.

• 1:03:08Andrew Santino?

  Do you just go over for dinner?

• 1:03:09Speaker 06

  No, this was a Christmas party.

• 1:03:11Andrew Santino?

  But would you ever just have dinner with him?

• 1:03:13Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:03:13Andrew Santino?

  It's tight like that.

• 1:03:14Speaker 06

  I went to, we went to Munich to Oktoberfest with him.

• 1:03:18Andrew Santino?

  What?

• 1:03:18Speaker 06

  Yeah, we filmed in Prague the last little bit of our show. And he was going in like a week to Munich. And he's like, yeah, come on.

• 1:03:27Andrew Santino?

  That's cool. It would be cool to go to his home. He's from Austria, right? Be cool to go to Austria with him.

• 1:03:31Speaker 06

  I mean, he's so popular over there.

• 1:03:34Andrew Santino?

  Right, he's god.

• 1:03:34Speaker 06

  He couldn't walk two feet without a hundred people showing up.

• 1:03:37Andrew Santino?

  Well, he's just a fucking mammoth of a guy. He's not like hidden.

• 1:03:39Speaker 06

  But he's not like, he's not like crazy tall.

• 1:03:42Andrew Santino?

  No, no, but he's wide.

• 1:03:42Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:43Andrew Santino?

  He's unmistakably Arnold Schwarzenegger.

• 1:03:45Speaker 06

  Oh, for sure.

• 1:03:45Andrew Santino?

  You're not gonna be like, is that?

• 1:03:46Speaker 06

  And he's like a god there. They even have like a song at Oktoberfest. They're like, Arnold goes to Hollywood. Arnold goes to Hollywood. Everyone's singing it. And we're like, what is this song?

• 1:03:58Andrew Santino?

  Dude, that's rad.

• 1:03:59Speaker 06

  He's leading the band. Arnold goes to Hollywood.

• 1:04:02Andrew Santino?

  Is that the only lyric?

• 1:04:04Speaker 06

  There's way more, but it's all in.

• 1:04:06Andrew Santino?

  Goes to Hollywood.

• 1:04:07Speaker 06

  Then the rest is in German and I don't know.

• 1:04:08Andrew Santino?

  Guys, we have to work on the song.

• 1:04:10Speaker 06

  Guys, we need some more lyrics.

• 1:04:11Andrew Santino?

  Only one lyric is not gonna get it done.

• 1:04:14Speaker 06

  I did indeed go to Hollywood.

• 1:04:15Andrew Santino?

  But he did go to Hollywood and he still lives in California, which is amazing.

• 1:04:18Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:04:18Andrew Santino?

  Once you govern this place, you gotta stick around, huh?

• 1:04:20Speaker 06

  That's right.

• 1:04:21Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:21Speaker 06

  He loves it here. I mean, he's always, he's always like riding his bike down to the Gold's Gym and.

• 1:04:26Andrew Santino?

  That's so funny.

• 1:04:27Speaker 06

  He's a very routine kinda guy.

• 1:04:29Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah, he likes it like that.

• 1:04:30Speaker 06

  Likes the same restaurants, does the same things, hangs out with the same people.

• 1:04:34Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that's nice. You gotta create some kind of.

• 1:04:35Speaker 06

  Yeah. We, we would ride bikes in Toronto and he would just like. Charge ahead and people, you would hear on every corner, is that Arnold? Was it Arnold? And then he's just riding past people like doesn't give a shit.

• 1:04:49Andrew Santino?

  I like the idea of Arnold being like, you wanna race me, Fortune? You're like, I don't wanna race today. You've asked me every day we've ridden bikes, I don't wanna race. Fine, you're gonna be a, you're gonna be a wuss about it. You're never gonna get anywhere in life. You're like, alright dude.

• 1:05:02Speaker 06

  It is such a trip to be with him though because there are few world famous people like that now, you know?

• 1:05:09Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's like him, Tom Cruise.

• 1:05:11Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:05:12Andrew Santino?

  Who is that famous from that era too, from like some decades ago?

• 1:05:15Speaker 06

  Sly or somebody, but.

• 1:05:17Andrew Santino?

  But even Stallone's kind of like quieter now in his career. I mean, he's he has that Tulsa King show or whatever, right? But he's not really as out, he's not out and about as much as those other guys.

• 1:05:27Speaker 06

  But like Arnold is just like, uh, so in the culture, pop culture, everyone, I mean, we would, I would quote his lines to him like all the time and he just laughs and there's so many.

• 1:05:40Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:41Speaker 06

  There's so many quotes from him.

• 1:05:43Andrew Santino?

  Wasn't the joke, wasn't the joke that the line was, I'll be right back?

• 1:05:47Speaker 06

  Yeah, Arnold said, wanted to say.

• 1:05:49Andrew Santino?

  I'll be back.

• 1:05:49Speaker 06

  No, he wanted, Arnold wanted to say, I'll be right, I'll be right back. And James Cameron was like.

• 1:05:55Andrew Santino?

  Jim was the smart one.

• 1:05:56Speaker 06

  Wanted to shorten that.

• 1:05:58Andrew Santino?

  Because he's a robot. I'll be back does make more sense. How, how much foresight did James Cameron have? This is pre robotics integration of AI and all that. And he was like, I don't think they'd say right.

• 1:06:08Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:06:08Andrew Santino?

  I think they'd be, that's how smart Jim Cameron is.

• 1:06:10Speaker 06

  Be right back.

• 1:06:11Andrew Santino?

  To be like.

• 1:06:12Speaker 03

  More economical.

• 1:06:13Andrew Santino?

  I just also think he just has a vision that no, it's like a couple of people that have visions and stuff that they're like, no, I think this is actually what it's going to end up being. When you see great directors from the past, they would direct things that you're like, how would they even think that way to make something that's relevant today? Like that movie would still be a box office smash today. I don't know how many times you can do that with action movies if they'd work today. I mean, like at face value lethal, you could make it again, but you'd have to up it a lot. You know what I mean? Like you can make.

• 1:06:43Speaker 03

  So much now has been made that is piggybacking off.

• 1:06:47Andrew Santino?

  Piggybacking the old, yeah.

• 1:06:48Speaker 03

  The context of would be impossible.

• 1:06:50Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that is true.

• 1:06:51Speaker 06

  It's just so crazy to hear him talk, talk about making those movies. Those movies, you know, we grew up with and were so huge and.

• 1:06:58Andrew Santino?

  It is crazy. He was so big.

• 1:06:59Speaker 06

  Another movie for, you know, for.

• 1:07:01Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it didn't matter to him. It was just another slater. Do you ever see the movie Last Action Hero that he did? I love that movie.

• 1:07:06Speaker 06

  People love it, but it was like one of his lesser watched movies.

• 1:07:10Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, Jesse.

• 1:07:12Speaker 03

  Minnesota's governor.

• 1:07:13Andrew Santino?

  Minnesota governor, yeah.

• 1:07:14Speaker 06

  But you know, those were the different days of like, he was telling one story about like, going skiing in Idaho and like the head of a studio like got on his

• 1:07:24Andrew Santino?

  Lift?

• 1:07:24Speaker 06

  The lift with him and had a script in his jacket for him. Like, that's crazy!

• 1:07:29Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I hate that. I hate that that existed, because we'll never have that.

• 1:07:32Speaker 06

  Yeah, we'll never have that.

• 1:07:33Andrew Santino?

  Now you'll take six meetings and they're like, "We're not interested."

• 1:07:34Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah. Never, but it was like such a thing back then, like...

• 1:07:40Andrew Santino?

  Well, they were more pined out, they were more sought after, but also because we're exposing ourselves so much on the internet.

• 1:07:45Speaker 06

  Yeah, over saturated.

• 1:07:46Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we're saturating ourselves, yeah. And you know, God bless.

• 1:07:50Speaker 06

  That's right.

• 1:07:50Andrew Santino?

  That's what we're doing at this show.

• 1:07:52Speaker 06

  See us on eight other podcasts.

• 1:07:53Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, dude. But it's the part of, it's like the part of the beast to move you through the internet, because there's so much there.

• 1:07:58Speaker 06

  Well, that's the thing, even when you're doing, I mean, you're doing all this stuff and people are still like, "What else?"

• 1:08:04Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, what else? Give me more.

• 1:08:05Speaker 06

  What's next? And you're like, "Jesus, go on."

• 1:08:07Andrew Santino?

  I'm gonna kill myself doing it. I mean, I'm actually gonna end up dying of health complications because of it, for you guys, but it's all for you.

• 1:08:12Speaker 06

  It's all for you guys.

• 1:08:13Andrew Santino?

  It's all for you guys. I want, on my gravestone, I want the YouTube emblem, you know, the app emblem?

• 1:08:18Speaker 06

  Yeah, and how many downloads you had?

• 1:08:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, my total subscribers. But I want a digital clock in case it keeps going up when I die. Because posthumously, I'll get more views when I'm dead.

• 1:08:26Speaker 06

  Yeah, hopefully someone's getting that ad money.

• 1:08:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, my wife. She can't wait. She's like, "Get out of here. We just got the insurance policy."

• 1:08:34Speaker 06

  Get on out of here.

• 1:08:35Andrew Santino?

  Get out of here, pal. Um, Fortune, please, uh, thank you for coming in.

• 1:08:39Speaker 06

  Thanks for having me.

• 1:08:39Andrew Santino?

  Please go watch Fortune's specials, plural. Uh, you can watch her newest one, of course, on Netflix now, and watch all her specials on Netflix.

• 1:08:45Speaker 06

  Yes, please.

• 1:08:45Andrew Santino?

  Uh, and go see her on tour. She's back on tour in the new year.

• 1:08:48Speaker 06

  Taking care of biscuits.

• 1:08:49Andrew Santino?

  Taking care of biscuits. Go see that tour. FortuneFeetsher.com.

• 1:08:53Speaker 06

  Yep.

• 1:08:53Andrew Santino?

  We'll put the link in the description down below. So click on it, support live comedy, because it's what we love the most.

• 1:08:59Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:09:00Andrew Santino?

  We do like doing it, uh, for you guys.

• 1:09:02Speaker 06

  And we will die doing this for you.

• 1:09:03Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we will. We can only hope. Uh, we end the episode the same way. Look in that camera, say one word or one phrase to end the episode. Whenever you're ready, remember.

• 1:09:11Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 1:09:12Andrew Santino?

  Could be a word, but if you have a powerful phrase or words of wisdom, you can impart that.

• 1:09:15Speaker 06

  I have a very powerful phrase.

• 1:09:16Andrew Santino?

  Okay, let's hear it.

• 1:09:18Speaker 06

  Uh, buttholes. I didn't even commit to it.

• 1:09:23Andrew Santino?

  Buttholes?

• 1:09:23Speaker 06

  Buttholes. Put it up your butt.

• 1:09:25Andrew Santino?

  Okay, dude.

• 1:09:36Speaker 04

  Ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse.

• 1:09:38Speaker 05

  Gingers are beautiful. You owe me five dollars for the whiskey, seventy-five dollars for the horse. Gingers, oh hell no. This whiskey is excellent.

• 1:09:47Speaker 02

  Ginger. I like gingers.