Ari Shaffir

Ari Shaffir is a boundary-pushing comedian, storyteller, and provocateur who isn’t afraid to say what you’re thinking—or what you’re scared to think. Known for his fearless, uncensored specials (Ari Shaffir: Jew), hit podcast (Skeptic Tank), and appearances on This Is Not Happening, Ari crafts comedy that’s as thought-provoking as it is hilarious. When he’s not on stage or behind the mic, he’s probably traveling, stirring the pot, or finding new ways to embrace the absurdity of life. Catch him live and find out why no topic is off-limits! Check out Ari's new special America's Sweetheart out now on Netflix!! #arishaffir #americassweetheart #andrewsantino #whiskeyginger #podcast #netflix ============================================ Sponsor Whiskey Ginger: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/whiskeyginger SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS SQUARESPACE Get that site up and running now! 10% off your order https://squarespace.com/whiskey BETTER HELP 10% OFF YOUR 1ST MONTH https://betterhelp.com/whiskey ======================================= Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast https://twitter.com/whiskeygingerpodcast Produced and edited by Joe Faria https://www.instagram.com/itsjoefaria Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:35Speaker 01

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• 0:50Andrew Santino?

  What up, boys and ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. If it's your first time joining the show, welcome to the show. Please like it, subscribe it, send it to a friend, leave a comment down below for the owl. Go Rhythm. Man, so happy. Right now, I am in Atlanta. Last night I played Durham. Tonight I'm in Atlanta. And then tomorrow I do Charleston. Not Charlestown like Boston. Charleston, South Carolina. I go back, then I go back. Out and about, I do New York and Philly. I do San Diego, San Francisco, and Phoenix. I do Boston. We got four shows in Boston. And then, four final shows. I'm taping my special at the end of this tour in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets. AndrewSantino.com.

• 1:31Speaker 03

  In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beard. It's sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse.

• 1:42Speaker 04

  Gingers are puget. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers, oh hell no. This whiskey is excellent.

• 1:55Andrew Santino?

  Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests, but I meet him once again today. It is Ari Shaffir.

• 2:04Andrew Santino?

  Ari has a new special that is out right now on Netflix. And the title of the special is?

• 2:10Speaker 05

  America's Sweetheart.

• 2:11Andrew Santino?

  America's Sweetheart.

• 2:12Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 2:13Andrew Santino?

  I watched it. I watched your special.

• 2:16Speaker 05

  That's crazy. No, you didn't.

• 2:17Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they sent me a, they sent me a.

• 2:19Speaker 05

  Not that they sent you. You watched it?

• 2:21Andrew Santino?

  I did watch it.

• 2:22Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 2:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I did. Why, why is that crazy? What do you mean? It's you. Yeah, you know what? I take it back.

• 2:26Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 2:26Andrew Santino?

  I usually don't watch friends' specials. That is very true. But I did want to see, because I was at your last taping, your last special.

• 2:34Speaker 05

  That's right. You, I don't have it with me. You're in the, in the, I just made the vinyl. You're in there.

• 2:39Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 2:39Speaker 05

  Yeah, us all drinking and talking.

• 2:40Andrew Santino?

  Wait, I did see online, you pressed only so many vinyls? A thousand?

• 2:44Speaker 05

  Uh huh.

• 2:44Andrew Santino?

  They're all gone already?

• 2:46Speaker 05

  No, there's still a few.

• 2:46Andrew Santino?

  On AriShafir.com?

• 2:48Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 2:49Andrew Santino?

  Good plug. Go buy the album right now. But please, seriously, go watch, uh, go watch America's Sweetheart on Netflix right now. It's available all over the world.

• 2:57Speaker 05

  You weren't the last with that. What a joy. You showing up.

• 2:59Andrew Santino?

  It was beautiful, man.

• 3:00Speaker 05

  The throw dog?

• 3:01Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it was such a happy accident too, because I thought, I think I had to leave New York the next day. And then I was like, no, I think I'm gonna stay. I want to stay and watch this. Because it was so fun. And it was so beautifully done. And this one, also visually, it's gorgeous. It's cool. It's different. You're still you, which is that's.

• 3:19Speaker 05

  I'm still made of piece of shit, but I want to surround it with like.

• 3:22Andrew Santino?

  Beauty.

• 3:22Speaker 05

  Literally flowers to like hide the shit.

• 3:25Andrew Santino?

  It's beautiful, dude. It was really pretty. It was very well done.

• 3:28Speaker 05

  Thanks.

• 3:28Andrew Santino?

  Let's talk about some inside baseball real fast.

• 3:30Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 3:31Andrew Santino?

  Just you and me. This is more for us than it is for the pod.

• 3:33Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 3:34Andrew Santino?

  But, um, I saw you at the cellar and you walked in with a friend. We won't say names.

• 3:39Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 3:40Andrew Santino?

  Walked in with a friend.

• 3:41Speaker 05

  Probably don't know who it is, but yeah.

• 3:42Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you do.

• 3:43Speaker 05

  Well, I will soon, but, uh, long COVID.

• 3:45Andrew Santino?

  You walked in with a friend into the cellar. I was in the booth. You guys said hi. You didn't know that I said hi. Uh, he walked by.

• 3:52Speaker 05

  Long haired friend?

• 3:53Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 3:53Speaker 05

  Okay, yeah.

• 3:54Andrew Santino?

  And he fucked me off a little bit. Like, he gave me the finger as he walked by me and I didn't like it. And then he came back to the table. Then you were with him and he tried to say hi, but then I fucked him off.

• 4:04Speaker 05

  You were like, nah, it's too late now.

• 4:05Andrew Santino?

  I could tell it bothered him a little bit. I, he didn't, he didn't say anything to you, did he?

• 4:09Speaker 05

  Officially, no. Unofficially, quite a bit.

• 4:12Andrew Santino?

  Good. Fuck, yeah. It was funny, the way he flicked me off and he did like a very like fuck you and I was like, okay. Alright, so then he came back and I was like, fuck you.

• 4:22Speaker 05

  He loves you, though.

• 4:23Andrew Santino?

  I love him too.

• 4:23Speaker 05

  He likes you.

• 4:24Andrew Santino?

  Well, I like him.

• 4:25Speaker 05

  I don't, I can't say he loves you, because I don't really know that, but I know he likes you. Loves is another, it's another thing.

• 4:31Andrew Santino?

  Oh, like I love you.

• 4:33Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 4:33Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 4:34Speaker 05

  No, I love you.

• 4:35Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's love.

• 4:35Speaker 05

  But there's cer- oh, there you are. At the inside of the record.

• 4:39Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that is, that's awesome.

• 4:39Speaker 05

  It's a sleeve.

• 4:40Andrew Santino?

  Oh, I love that.

• 4:40Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's us drinking the Cahillale, uh, I think, 25, 22.

• 4:44Andrew Santino?

  Twenty, yeah, that was, that's right.

• 4:45Speaker 05

  I had this bottle that I bought to celebrate, then the fucking world went haywire. Mine first, then the whole.

• 4:50Andrew Santino?

  That's so crazy.

• 4:51Speaker 05

  So I had to like, keep it in storage for a while, and then finally I was like, I'm breaking this fucking bottle out.

• 4:56Andrew Santino?

  Mm-hmm.

• 4:56Speaker 05

  When it's time.

• 4:57Andrew Santino?

  Did you finish it that night?

• 4:58Speaker 05

  Yeah, we finished it that night, and woke up the next morning with my head in the dog bed, the dog off on the couch.

• 5:07Andrew Santino?

  Love that.

• 5:07Speaker 05

  Oh, oh, I think everything's grand. I wonder if Beyonce, that happens to her too, if she gets tuned up.

• 5:12Andrew Santino?

  She gets so wrecked.

• 5:12Speaker 05

  If she falls asleep with her sock around her dick.

• 5:16Andrew Santino?

  She got that removed.

• 5:17Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 5:17Andrew Santino?

  That's gone.

• 5:18Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 5:18Andrew Santino?

  And cheers to Beyonce. To Beyonce and America's sweetheart, here he is, just a little sip. Ooh. Mm-hmm.

• 5:30Speaker 05

  You love whiskey.

• 5:31Andrew Santino?

  I love, love whiskey, yeah. It's the only thing I actually really.

• 5:35Speaker 05

  Can tell differences?

• 5:36Andrew Santino?

  I just like the, I just like the, you can, I like that you can tell when something tastes different, where when somebody goes, "This is a good gin," I'm like, I can't tell you that's a good gin.

• 5:48Speaker 05

  Yeah, whenever I get like a tequila or something, what kind of tequila, I'm like, like, what's a good one?

• 5:51Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, what is a good, I don't know.

• 5:52Speaker 05

  Don't sell me out, but just give me like a decent one, not like something rare, but like, don't embarrass me at the same time.

• 5:57Andrew Santino?

  Fortaleza.

• 5:58Speaker 05

  Fortaleza?

• 5:59Andrew Santino?

  Fortaleza. That one's pretty good.

• 6:00Speaker 05

  That a rum?

• 6:01Andrew Santino?

  Fortaleza's a good tequila. But I just feel like I can tell which, look, I can't be like, this one's worth this much money. But I can go, I like the way this.

• 6:09Speaker 05

  Some of that's just in the rarity, too.

• 6:11Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 6:11Speaker 05

  Less bottles means more price. But like, you're also like, I know the difference. It might not be better or worse, but I can tell you like, oh, that's a pedio one. Cool.

• 6:17Andrew Santino?

  Right. Or this tastes more like a, well, because bourbon always has like a sweet profile, or some of them are sweeter than others. I just, you can tell. You know right away.

• 6:26Speaker 05

  You know my house drink, the Godfather? Have you ever made you one?

• 6:28Andrew Santino?

  What is this?

• 6:29Speaker 05

  It's a pretty much one part blended Scotch and one part Amaretto or whatever, slice of orange.

• 6:38Andrew Santino?

  Hmm.

• 6:38Speaker 05

  It's, it's Brando's drink.

• 6:40Andrew Santino?

  Ooh.

• 6:41Speaker 05

  And they serve it a lot in, in South America. They call it Padron.

• 6:44Andrew Santino?

  What's it called?

• 6:45Speaker 05

  Padron, the Godfather.

• 6:46Andrew Santino?

  The Godfather.

• 6:47Speaker 05

  Yeah. And if you ask a bartender, some will know, some will like, I can look that up. It's, it's pretty much one to one. But if it's a little, if it's bourbon, it's way too sweet.

• 6:54Andrew Santino?

  Right. Well, because the, what do you call it? Um, why did you say not Amaretto?

• 6:59Speaker 05

  Juice.

• 7:00Andrew Santino?

  The, yeah, well, they did. They fucked up everything.

• 7:02Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 7:02Andrew Santino?

  But that, because that makes it too, yeah, it's way too, way too sweet.

• 7:05Speaker 05

  You need a touch of.

• 7:06Andrew Santino?

  You've never made me that at your house. Every time I come over to your house, it's always a pump and dump.

• 7:10Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 7:10Andrew Santino?

  It's always a grinder pump and dump. By the way, I learned about that. Mateo taught me about a brand new site.

• 7:15Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah, dude.

• 7:16Andrew Santino?

  Dude, he taught me about a new site that's not Grindr. It's, I don't remember the name.

• 7:19Speaker 05

  It's so, it makes Grindr look the way Vegas makes it, like, the way Monaco makes Atlantic City look.

• 7:24Andrew Santino?

  I have to ask him what it's called because it blows my mind. The, the website had.

• 7:28Speaker 05

  Their world is out of control.

• 7:30Andrew Santino?

  So jealous, dude. So jealous.

• 7:32Speaker 05

  They had a little blip of AIDS, and now that's gone, they're back to fucking the box.

• 7:37Andrew Santino?

  Is it Archer? Huh?

• 7:39Speaker 05

  Is it Archer?

• 7:39Andrew Santino?

  No, but it's a little picture of a guy, sometimes just a penis in midtown.

• 7:44Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 7:44Andrew Santino?

  But it'll tell you all the things he wants. Hold on, here's Mateo. No, just tell me, Mateo, hold on, tell me what the name of that website is that we looked up with Nick. What's it called?

• 7:52Speaker 03

  The website? Oh, Sniffies.

• 7:54Andrew Santino?

  Sniffies. Thanks, buddy. I love you.

• 7:56Speaker 05

  Thanks, Mateo.

• 7:56Andrew Santino?

  Bye. Um, Sniffies, dude. I'm not kidding. Show, bring up Sniffies. You can see it. It's amazing. It is like a billion little dots all over New York and they tell you exactly what they want. Can you imagine?

• 8:09Speaker 05

  Breaking it down even further. That's what you want to do.

• 8:12Andrew Santino?

  Yes, specificity.

• 8:13Speaker 05

  Is there a gay guy here? That's so yesterday.

• 8:15Andrew Santino?

  So gone, dude. Give me the real deal. Do you like to be spit on? You should sign in. You don't have, you don't have an account? Get an account, dude. You'll, you'll want one.

• 8:22Speaker 05

  What do you want? A Google account?

• 8:24Andrew Santino?

  No, no, he has to sign in two Sniffies.

• 8:25Speaker 05

  You can make it anonymous. Oh, really? You can make it anonymous. Why would you though? How are you gonna attract the dudes you like?

• 8:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah dude, put up a photo. But he showed me, him and Nick were showing me breakdown like, i- it's so intricate.

• 8:36Speaker 05

  So like, what can you get?

• 8:37Andrew Santino?

  Well, here's what I liked about the new community. It was...

• 8:40Speaker 05

  The new community?

• 8:41Andrew Santino?

  Well, because now, the sniffies community, they have a ton more acronyms than I was ever, than I've ever seen before. Cause acronyms are everything, you know, if it's like a, uh, if it's like, uh, who's like choke but something, he'll tell, he'll show you all of them.

• 8:56Speaker 05

  Choke but not too hard?

• 8:57Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah, choke but soft.

• 8:58Speaker 05

  Bruise me?

• 8:59Andrew Santino?

  Little CBS, yeah. P and D, pump and dump is a real thing.

• 9:02Speaker 05

  Pump, and then dump.

• 9:06Andrew Santino?

  But leave, they want you, that means they want you to leave. That means they don't wanna talk. So it's, this is like, uh, selecting an Uber, you know, when you're like, not in for conversation. You literally, the pump and dump guys, Nick said to me, they go, they get in there, and then the moment they're done, they have to leave.

• 9:19Speaker 05

  That's almost what everybody wants, though.

• 9:21Andrew Santino?

  I know!

• 9:22Speaker 05

  I had a girlfriend starting, starting comedy, and, uh, you recording? Let's start recording, actually, we're gonna use this. And, and, and for my birthday, she's like, what do you want? I'm like, okay, I want a blowjob, and then no words, you take off for work. Not a single word, two completion blowjob, and then go. And then she just started dying laughing. She was like, that's what you want? Like, complete lack of context.

• 9:42Andrew Santino?

  Uh huh.

• 9:42Speaker 05

  Yes, I want silence.

• 9:44Andrew Santino?

  Stranger danger.

• 9:44Speaker 05

  Solitude.

• 9:45Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I just want gone and, and then we both think about it the rest of the day. What a nice thing to have on the brain, a little pump and dump. But the sniffies, oh, she's still loading. But he, so he showed, he showed us the map.

• 9:56Speaker 05

  Your computer's like, this, there's gonna be, not the right kind of virus.

• 9:59Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, imagine, imagine all the, the tracking that's being done now to your computer.

• 10:04Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 10:04Andrew Santino?

  You're on a list. Trump is gonna get it. We're taking down the gays from sniffies. You're going down, dude. But it was funny to watch how specific it got, cause I thought, man, it's, it's gotta be so liberating to be like, hey, man, I don't wanna, I don't wanna play this game of like...

• 10:20Speaker 05

  I don't wanna play this game.

• 10:20Andrew Santino?

  Nah, I just want what I want, and you want what you want. If we can connect on this, it's great, consensual, go home. Over. Pump and dump and take a walk.

• 10:28Speaker 05

  This is what Hasidic Jews do, where they go on a first date, they go, how many kids do you want? Do you wanna live in Israel or not? And if you don't line up pretty close...

• 10:34Andrew Santino?

  What are your answers?

• 10:36Speaker 05

  Whatever you want, I'm into it. That's how I say something about vaccines and stuff. And no matter what you said, I'm like, I know, right?

• 10:42Andrew Santino?

  I know.

• 10:42Speaker 05

  They're crazy.

• 10:43Andrew Santino?

  They are, dude.

• 10:44Speaker 05

  Like, I don't care, I don't want to get involved in these dumb conversations.

• 10:47Andrew Santino?

  Did you ever go on a date with a Hasidic chick?

• 10:50Speaker 05

  No, but that was like, they set up dates, public places, synagogues, not synagogues, airports, stuff like that. This is the old days, when you could.

• 10:56Andrew Santino?

  Airports?

• 10:56Speaker 05

  Yeah, before like 9/11.

• 10:58Andrew Santino?

  When you could get to the gate before the, what, you'd meet in the airport at like a restaurant or a coffee shop?

• 11:01Speaker 05

  Yeah, public.

• 11:02Andrew Santino?

  Because it's safe.

• 11:03Speaker 05

  All you're trying to do is get your first things down, maybe do a little talking, and then you go home and you tell the person who set you up, if you want to go out with them again or not.

• 11:11Andrew Santino?

  Whoa.

• 11:11Speaker 05

  So, you'd be like, hey, they were cool, I want to go out with them again, and you're like, okay, let me call back tomorrow, and they're like, so it's over, they don't want to go back with you.

• 11:18Andrew Santino?

  It's that easy.

• 11:19Speaker 05

  And you go, okay. Find me another wig.

• 11:26Speaker 05

  It's that easy.

• 11:26Andrew Santino?

  It's that easy.

• 11:27Speaker 05

  Yeah, and then no sex or anything, but if you're like,

• 11:30Andrew Santino?

  No sex till marriage?

• 11:30Speaker 05

  I want to have only one kid, but I also want to live in Israel, and they're like, no, they want to have like seven kids, no way.

• 11:35Andrew Santino?

  Would you ever live in Israel?

• 11:37Speaker 05

  Yeah, Israel rules.

• 11:38Andrew Santino?

  Would you live now, right now? You go there now?

• 11:42Speaker 05

  You're getting fake news.

• 11:43Andrew Santino?

  No, no, no.

• 11:44Speaker 05

  Israel's safe, Gaza's not so safe.

• 11:46Andrew Santino?

  Well, that's where we want to live, that's where we're trying to live.

• 11:48Speaker 05

  Oh, really?

• 11:49Andrew Santino?

  Well, there's a one bed, one bath there I've been looking at. It keeps getting wrecked, so I keep, I'm like waiting for the rebuild.

• 11:54Speaker 05

  It's a fixer-upper. It's a continuous fixer-upper.

• 11:58Andrew Santino?

  It's a fixer-downer, to be honest with you, it's so sad. It's a big downer. No, not the, I'm not, I'm just saying, would you genuinely, because I know how much you travel and disappear.

• 12:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 12:06Andrew Santino?

  Would you ever really consider like going there for, for life?

• 12:09Speaker 05

  Takeout comedy.

• 12:10Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 12:11Speaker 05

  Anywhere you go, you gotta takeout comedy.

• 12:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, when you're done. Which we hope is soon.

• 12:16Speaker 05

  Damn it, Andrew!

• 12:18Andrew Santino?

  No, seriously though, if you're like, dude, I'm tired, I'm, I'm in my, my mid 60s, my late 60s, I'm kind of over it.

• 12:24Speaker 05

  Yeah. I mean, okay, yeah, for sure, Israel rules, but there's like 50 countries I would do. Berlin I would really want to go to.

• 12:31Andrew Santino?

  Berlin's rad.

• 12:32Speaker 05

  Mexico City, those are probably the top two.

• 12:34Andrew Santino?

  You speak Spanish?

• 12:37Andrew Santino?

  Don't say Oompa Kito, I'm gonna flip my shit.

• 12:38Speaker 05

  Uno.

• 12:39Andrew Santino?

  Don't, don't do it. No, but what, so what's number one on the map then? If you're like, I do have to dip out.

• 12:44Speaker 05

  Right now?

• 12:45Andrew Santino?

  Uh huh.

• 12:45Speaker 05

  Berlin, I could disappear there and I could just, just get the shakes on drugs.

• 12:50Andrew Santino?

  What about the, what about the Netherlands? You like, you like Amsterdam?

• 12:53Speaker 05

  Amsterdam is very cool, but probably best comedy scene in Europe, to be honest.

• 12:56Andrew Santino?

  So that would be an alternative if you're like, I'll just stay doing comedy, not as, the schedule's not as heavy, obviously, you're doing it less.

• 13:02Speaker 05

  You could like.

• 13:03Andrew Santino?

  But you're bouncing around.

• 13:03Speaker 05

  Yeah, you take trains. It's a three hour train to London.

• 13:08Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but you take, you'd be right, right, but that's a long night for comedy.

• 13:12Speaker 05

  Stay there for the night.

• 13:13Andrew Santino?

  I guess, yeah, do a, yeah, that's what I mean.

• 13:14Speaker 05

  Three hours though, but it's like boom, boom, you're not, there's not like a two hour trip to the airport.

• 13:18Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 13:18Speaker 05

  It's, you're right downtown, then go.

• 13:20Andrew Santino?

  That's true.

• 13:21Speaker 05

  Get out, cab to your.

• 13:22Andrew Santino?

  Worst city for comedy?

• 13:24Speaker 05

  Ooh, good question.

• 13:25Andrew Santino?

  Worst city for comedy?

• 13:27Speaker 05

  Miami.

• 13:27Andrew Santino?

  Miami?

• 13:28Speaker 05

  Yeah, you thought it'd be somewhere in the world.

• 13:29Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 13:30Speaker 05

  No, it's Miami.

• 13:31Andrew Santino?

  Is it really?

• 13:31Speaker 05

  Yeah, they're dumb.

• 13:32Andrew Santino?

  Hands down, Miami.

• 13:33Speaker 05

  They're dumb, yeah, it's, it's.

• 13:35Andrew Santino?

  Not Fort Lauderdale, Miami.

• 13:36Speaker 05

  Miami.

• 13:37Andrew Santino?

  Right, cause Fort Lauderdale is a different audience.

• 13:39Speaker 05

  They're too literal. Marcelo helped me break this down a little bit. They're literal, so they, they find super funny a man in a dress. That's crazy, cause he's not supposed to have one eye. They value the dumbest stuff, they just wanna like pay money to sit up front and then not listen. They don't, they're just a bad com- I, it's.

• 13:56Andrew Santino?

  Who is it? Who is Miami?

• 13:58Speaker 05

  Cubans, cokeheads.

• 14:00Andrew Santino?

  Love.

• 14:00Speaker 05

  And it's not a great combo, and it's not all Cubans, it's the Cubans who left, who was fucking up Cuba. Who left and like, we'll be right back.

• 14:07Andrew Santino?

  Cuban cokeheads? Are there any, all three? You get a, you ever hit the homerun?

• 14:26Speaker 05

  No, I had a lady turn her seat away from me.

• 14:29Andrew Santino?

  Love that dude.

• 14:30Speaker 05

  She was so mad on a, on a school shooting joke, she literally turned, she started to heckle and her husband was like, like, it's not, I already know that's not gonna be good. So she like, she aggressively texted with her back to me.

• 14:41Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 14:41Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 14:41Andrew Santino?

  That's so funny. That's actually a cool move.

• 14:44Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 14:44Andrew Santino?

  To put your back and still be on your phone is rad. It's a big fuck you. So Miami's your number one?

• 14:50Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's the first city I turned down money when I desperately needed it. I was like, actually, no.

• 14:54Andrew Santino?

  Cause you refuse.

• 14:55Speaker 05

  I was like, I wouldn't do it if it was $10,000. And Ed Brooke was like, oh, it's, it's $300. But good to know that.

• 15:01Andrew Santino?

  $10,000? No, no, no, it's $300, dude. And you have to pay your own way. And your own hotel. It's your own travel. I've had some, I would just-

• 15:09Speaker 05

  Wait, what's one for you? What's the worst?

• 15:12Andrew Santino?

  Well, I just did New Orleans, and although I loved the people that showed up, it was such a hard sell.

• 15:17Speaker 05

  It's a hard draw.

• 15:18Andrew Santino?

  It's just a hard sell. You're like, who's coming? I don't know. Where are you guys?

• 15:21Speaker 05

  It's a festival town.

• 15:22Andrew Santino?

  Such a, yeah, it's-

• 15:23Speaker 05

  They need a club, they need a small one.

• 15:24Andrew Santino?

  You need a tiny club to build up something. I talked to Norman about that. It's like so mu- Any musician goes there, they're like, it's great.

• 15:31Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 15:31Andrew Santino?

  Comics go, you're like, where are we? What, how come no one he wants to-

• 15:35Speaker 05

  Go to the casino by the fucking nowhere.

• 15:37Andrew Santino?

  There's too much freedom there. That's like Vegas. It's too much freedom.

• 15:41Speaker 05

  But Vegas is now, you can play Vegas.

• 15:43Andrew Santino?

  You can, only because now it's, it's started to become comedy centric. There's so many clubs. People know, they go, hey, on Friday, we'll go see a comedy show. Saturday, we'll go to dinner.

• 15:52Speaker 05

  Yeah, right. When you go, it's like, that's one of the things-

• 15:53Andrew Santino?

  It is now.

• 15:54Speaker 05

  Instead of seeing some dumb fucking dancers with boas on. Oh, isn't this crazy? Oh my God, let's do it.

• 16:00Andrew Santino?

  That's the Miami man in a dress. They're wearing a dress. The guy is in a dress!

• 16:03Speaker 05

  No, Vegas has the, such entertain- that you would never wanna do, but you're like, it's in Vegas, they just sell you the idea that it's important.

• 16:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 16:11Speaker 05

  Hey, let's fucking blow a smurf and then fucking dance on fucking trash cans.

• 16:16Andrew Santino?

  I do like that show. That is a good show. No, I always used to say, why would people see me in Vegas? Because the Beatles are on rollerblades down the street. It's like, why, why would they see me? There's such weird shit there. How could you get their interest to be like, come to a show? To like a comedy show?

• 16:33Speaker 05

  Yeah, no way.

• 16:34Andrew Santino?

  No, we're gonna go watch some guy get lit on fire.

• 16:36Speaker 05

  Oh my god, I'm so sorry.

• 16:37Andrew Santino?

  What was that?

• 16:38Speaker 05

  I don't know.

• 16:39Andrew Santino?

  From the depths?

• 16:40Speaker 05

  Bit of a burp.

• 16:41Andrew Santino?

  Tell me that you tie-dye this yourself.

• 16:42Speaker 05

  I did.

• 16:43Andrew Santino?

  That's cool.

• 16:43Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 16:44Andrew Santino?

  You're me in high school.

• 16:46Speaker 05

  Oh, really?

• 16:46Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I love that. I was obsessed.

• 16:48Speaker 05

  I'm spaghetti, tree, tree string instrument, you. Whatever they are.

• 16:52Andrew Santino?

  Spaghetti, tree string.

• 16:54Speaker 05

  Spaghetti, she's string.

• 16:56Andrew Santino?

  String cheese. You're string cheese, dude.

• 16:58Speaker 05

  Is there another band that's almost the same name as spaghetti, cheese, string instrument? Whatever it is. What is that band?

• 17:03Andrew Santino?

  String Cheese Incident.

• 17:04Speaker 05

  String Cheese Incident?

• 17:05Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, what's another one that's like it?

• 17:07Speaker 05

  There's a brand new, I was like, they've been around for like 20 years. And somebody's like, because I know you told that story.

• 17:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 17:12Speaker 05

  On this happening. And they were like, no, this is like a brand new band. They're in their twenties.

• 17:15Andrew Santino?

  String Cheese has been around for a long time.

• 17:17Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 17:17Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, there's gotta be somebody else.

• 17:18Speaker 05

  Is there a new iteration where they just keep letting new members come?

• 17:20Andrew Santino?

  Well, I mean, kind of like how the Dead does that, right? The Dead is now, the Dead is now not the Grateful Dead.

• 17:26Speaker 05

  Dead and Co.

• 17:27Andrew Santino?

  Dead and Company, yeah.

• 17:28Speaker 05

  Me and Renazisi went to go see him. He came Sunday of Bonnaroo.

• 17:31Andrew Santino?

  Uh huh.

• 17:31Speaker 05

  Soder left. He came to redo Bonnaroo because his first one he did was this fucking con, T girlfriend was just bossing him around. We don't, the whole comedy crew was like, let's all go over there. And they were like, oh, nice, we'll go see Jay. He's like, I wanna see Slayer. Let's all go see Slayer. And then we'd turn around and Dan would be a little behind. He goes, oh, I'm gonna catch up with you guys. And we're like, oh.

• 17:49Andrew Santino?

  What a bummer, dude.

• 17:50Speaker 05

  Yeah, some, I didn't agree to say that.

• 17:52Andrew Santino?

  She the only girlfriend out of all the whole group?

• 17:54Speaker 05

  Jay's girlfriend, but she's cool.

• 17:55Andrew Santino?

  She's a different story, yeah. She doesn't care. She's rad.

• 17:58Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 17:58Andrew Santino?

  That's a huge bummer, dude, to have the girlfriend drag you down and your buddies are like, we just wanna have fun, man.

• 18:03Speaker 05

  Just yelling. I'm like, this isn't a yelling environment. We're not selling a mortgage.

• 18:06Andrew Santino?

  Now he's got a rad girlfriend. Now he's got a rad wife.

• 18:07Speaker 05

  She's great.

• 18:08Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 18:08Speaker 05

  But, so we're like, hey, let's go back next year. We'll do one secret show. We'll get them to give us like, like employee or artist, like.

• 18:16Andrew Santino?

  Passes, yeah.

• 18:17Speaker 05

  Just so we can park our RV. We'll rent one. But he had to leave Sunday. Renazisi came, went to see Grateful Dead and Company.

• 18:22Andrew Santino?

  Mm-hmm.

• 18:22Speaker 05

  And we got Too Many Mushrooms, me and Steve.

• 18:25Andrew Santino?

  Too many?

• 18:26Speaker 05

  We kept collapsing on our way to get there.

• 18:27Andrew Santino?

  Oh, boy.

• 18:28Speaker 05

  And then we saw Right Near Umphrey's McGee.

• 18:30Andrew Santino?

  Love Umphrey's McGee. Yeah, they're good. Yeah. I love those dudes.

• 18:33Speaker 05

  You come off as black music loving, but you're not.

• 18:36Andrew Santino?

  Black music and jam band are the same thing.

• 18:38Speaker 05

  Interesting.

• 18:39Andrew Santino?

  These are the same things.

• 18:41Speaker 05

  Interesting.

• 18:42Andrew Santino?

  In the way that black music is so deeply meaningful to the community of black people. That's what jam band is to whites.

• 18:49Speaker 05

  Yeah, it means it allows them a place.

• 18:50Andrew Santino?

  It means something to them.

• 18:52Speaker 05

  Yeah, oh, in that way.

• 18:53Andrew Santino?

  It does something to them.

• 18:55Speaker 05

  I went to see Billy Strings and there was a whole wook section. And I was like, I thought this was bluegrass, but they're like, different style, bluegrass.

• 19:00Andrew Santino?

  Different style, dog.

• 19:01Speaker 05

  Wookiee as shit.

• 19:03Andrew Santino?

  It is true, though, that like, white people that love jam music.

• 19:06Speaker 05

  You're right, you want some come?

• 19:07Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, please. White people that love jam music, honestly.

• 19:10Speaker 05

  They're having fun.

• 19:11Andrew Santino?

  They're having the most fun.

• 19:13Speaker 05

  I think it's close to juice because the dance for, for the wooks is very easy to master.

• 19:20Andrew Santino?

  Well, it's kind of.

• 19:21Speaker 05

  Spin and you feel like it?

• 19:22Andrew Santino?

  It's the spinny. It's a spinny, loose and free. It's very throwback to the seventies. It's very like flower power. By the way, I'm just saying, great hip hop, great jam band stuff, the freedom of the music kind of does make you feel a type of way, whereas no shots taken at a regular rock band, but it just doesn't do. You like the song, but it doesn't make you go, fuck dude.

• 19:47Speaker 05

  There is something when an entire band, like Arcade Fire or something, and, and you have thousands of people between three and eighty, if it's a festival.

• 19:55Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 19:55Speaker 05

  Going, uh.

• 19:57Andrew Santino?

  It's cool.

• 19:59Speaker 05

  It's like, it's just there's something there.

• 20:00Andrew Santino?

  There's something happening.

• 20:02Speaker 05

  So we went to see, and we collapsed right in, up for his McGee.

• 20:04Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah.

• 20:04Speaker 05

  We couldn't get up. We just kept like, not be, get up, get off foot.

• 20:07Andrew Santino?

  How much you taking?

• 20:08Speaker 05

  Too mu- it takes you where it wants to take you.

• 20:10Andrew Santino?

  That's right.

• 20:10Speaker 05

  We took enough at Billy Strings and then it didn't quite, we got lost a few times, but then like, not enough times. Cause we were like outside chants. There like, somebody's like, go backstage. We're like, let's be.

• 20:23Andrew Santino?

  Be cool.

• 20:23Speaker 05

  Be cool, but then I realized later, like, oh, he would have loved if we went back there, just.

• 20:28Andrew Santino?

  Just out of your head.

• 20:29Speaker 05

  So we should have taken more, but we took enough. But anyway, and we kept like, like, like coming out of it, you know?

• 20:35Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah, when you come to.

• 20:36Speaker 05

  And like, hearing up for his McGee, but thinking, we were on our way to Dead and Company. We're like, is this Dead and Co? They rule. And just like, and just, they did two sets, we missed the whole first set.

• 20:46Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 20:46Speaker 05

  We're just like, Dead and Co is so good.

• 20:49Andrew Santino?

  They sound a lot like that other band I like. Too Much Mushrooms does, has got me only two or three times.

• 20:56Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 20:56Andrew Santino?

  But the Too Much, I, it's the, I. I don't get to the bad trip thing, but I do get to the um, ready to be done. Like physically, you're like, come on dude, Jesus Christ. I'm like, my, I'm physically exhausted. Like I've sweat enough, I've laughed enough.

• 21:11Speaker 05

  But also, not enough is also pretty bad.

• 21:14Andrew Santino?

  Not enough is uncomfortable.

• 21:15Speaker 05

  Yeah, you went for it and you're like, damn it.

• 21:17Andrew Santino?

  Not high enough.

• 21:18Speaker 05

  Trying to push to get lost in some lights.

• 21:20Andrew Santino?

  You're trying to pop through the, yeah, it's not funny. When you're trying to, when, when you get shot through that stoned stratosphere, it's amazing. But when you're just kissing near it, it's uncomfortable.

• 21:30Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's like, you feel like a mushroom. You're just like.

• 21:32Andrew Santino?

  You do, you're like, come on, baby, let me sprout, baby. I've been taking, I've been taking um, these night, nighttime gummies, yeah. Blue chew. I've been taking these nighttime gummies to have mushrooms in them, not psychoactive. Non-psychoactive mushrooms with weed.

• 21:47Speaker 05

  Taste of mushrooms and.

• 21:48Andrew Santino?

  No, it's like good for, it's like health, we have them out there. They're great. It's like uh, uh, it's like uh, uh, Tiger's mane or whatever the fuck. We have a whole thing of.

• 21:57Speaker 04

  There's a bunch of those people have like tea with them. It's good for your brain.

• 21:59Andrew Santino?

  But it, but it's, but it, but, but it's, no, no, but it's got THC in it and CBD and CBN or whatever the sleep aid was. But it's great because I'll get stoned off of like the, whatever it is, like fifteen milligrams of the THC. And then the other shit really like levels me to a place where I'm ready for bed. Cause usually when I get high, I'm not ready for bed. I'm not a get high, go to bed guy. So when people are like, oh, you're gonna like nighttime gummies. I'm like, I don't think so, dude. If I get high, I wanna write or watch something or make a meal.

• 22:28Speaker 05

  Makes you go, it makes, it passes.

• 22:29Andrew Santino?

  Oh dude, I get stoned for the first like fifteen minutes and I'm like, oh, I'm high, this is great. And I'll be watching something. And then fifteen minutes later, just about, I'm like, oh fuck, I'm ready to rock. It's wonderful. I don't know if the properties bind in a way where it like makes your body start to get into that sleep state, but.

• 22:46Speaker 05

  I love when you smoke weed all day and then like by three PM, I'm like, I'm so tired. I don't know what it is. I gotta take a nap. It's because you've been smoking weed for six hours. Oh right, that does, I've heard it has that effect.

• 22:56Andrew Santino?

  What I've been doing all day, man. Well, sometimes like I would walk the dog. If I had a full morning of freedom, I'd walk the dog, smoke a little dog walker, a little pinner. You know, and then I walk the dog and I come back in. Then, then I play with the dog and be like, you wanna go back outside, don't you? It's like, let's go for another walk. Yeah, of cour- like, it's so funny that when I, when I take the dog for a walk in the morning sober, it's just a get the dog out so she can piss and shit and we gotta, but if I smoke a joint in the morning with her, it's like, no, no, no, I'm enjoying the walk finally. Yes, we're having a walk together.

• 23:27Speaker 05

  And then when the dog wants like stop us, it's like, go for it.

• 23:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, do it.

• 23:30Speaker 05

  Look around.

• 23:31Andrew Santino?

  Piss on that.

• 23:32Speaker 05

  Look around myself. I love when the dog's like, hey, hold on. The dog might have been here.

• 23:40Speaker 05

  I think there wa- I think there was. Alright, let's go.

• 23:43Andrew Santino?

  Is your dog jumpy? Like when it's a loud bang outside and you, when you're walking your dog around New York and it's so many noises, like, does, does Bandit ever get tripped out by shit?

• 23:51Speaker 05

  Gunshots and fireworks.

• 23:54Andrew Santino?

  Fireworks she fucking hate. My dog hates so much.

• 23:56Speaker 05

  Just got okay with mo- loud motorcycles, but still is not loving it, but fireworks and even the fireworks, those little like sparkles and you, if she just hears this, she's like, I'm out, I'm done. I said I'm done. Open the bathroom door and close it behind me.

• 24:10Andrew Santino?

  I will be in the tub. Open the door, I'm gonna be in the tub.

• 24:13Speaker 05

  I want to shake.

• 24:15Andrew Santino?

  She sits underneath, she'll sit behind the toilet. That's where my dog goes, behind the toilet, and then all you see is her head poked out like this, like, fuck it, what's going on out there?

• 24:23Speaker 05

  Sometimes you're like, I didn't even hear anything.

• 24:24Andrew Santino?

  A lot of times, yeah, that, that, so she got used to loud cars doesn't bother, like loud shit doesn't bother. She does hate skateboards. Hates skateboards. And I realized when we were walking and I was a little stoned, I thought, right, those wheels are at like, that would be like this on my head.

• 24:41Speaker 05

  But it's not, it's specific noises.

• 24:44Andrew Santino?

  It's just the rumbling of the earth she doesn't like.

• 24:46Speaker 05

  Yeah, also they're not like, good people.

• 24:49Andrew Santino?

  Skaters. Skater die, dude. You never did, you never skateboarded?

• 24:53Speaker 05

  I was a poser for a long time. I bought all the clothes, toy machine, everything. I got called a poser once in Vegas. I was wearing like a Bobby Lee like tri-colored wristband. Someone was like, poser. I was so mad, I was like, but he was so right. I was like, I couldn't ollie, I could just, it was great to have in your trunk when you had to go on audition and you're like, I can't find parking, but three bucks away, no problem.

• 25:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I'll skate there. Yeah.

• 25:13Speaker 05

  And then when I get to a curb to the street, I get off, cross the street, get back on and kick off.

• 25:19Andrew Santino?

  Alright, what's the most, what's the most like embarrassing or?

• 25:24Andrew Santino?

  Just like a terrible clothing choice you made at one point in your life where you're like, "I can't believe I wore that."

• 25:30Speaker 01

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• 25:45Andrew Santino?

  I'll set you up first, so I'll give you mine.

• 25:47Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 25:47Andrew Santino?

  I once had a FUBU jersey.

• 25:49Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 25:50Andrew Santino?

  I wore a FUBU jersey.

• 25:51Speaker 05

  Jersey?

• 25:52Andrew Santino?

  The FUBU football jersey. I had it. I have a picture of me in a FUBU jersey.

• 25:55Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 25:56Andrew Santino?

  For us, by us. No, no, no. For redheads as well.

• 25:59Speaker 05

  For that?

• 25:59Andrew Santino?

  Also for redheads. I had fucking bought a FUBU jersey.

• 26:03Speaker 05

  Did you know what it was?

• 26:04Andrew Santino?

  Hundred percent. Obsessed with black clothing as a kid. I was like, "This is the coolest shit on earth." Couldn't wait to be called a wigger. Like was excited to be called a wigger.

• 26:13Speaker 05

  Like, "Thank you."

• 26:14Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I was so amped. Yeah, I was so stoked about it.

• 26:16Speaker 05

  Wiggin' out.

• 26:17Andrew Santino?

  I'm wiggin' out, baby.

• 26:19Speaker 05

  I'm wiggin' out.

• 26:22Andrew Santino?

  Me on a date with a Hasidic girl. "I'm wiggin' out." Dude, I bought a fucking FUBU jersey. I was so... And honestly, no, looking back, not embarrassed. It was fun.

• 26:31Speaker 05

  Well, now, looking back, you're fine.

• 26:32Andrew Santino?

  Because no one did it. Like, no white dudes did it. That I... Well, a couple of white dudes did it, but I was... It was a big move. Did you ever do something so dumb?

• 26:41Speaker 05

  I had, for a while, I had a hat out of BC Style on the side where I had shaved head.

• 26:45Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 26:46Speaker 05

  Like, and that was in comedy, though. Uh, but I went through a phase, I guess I went through a, uh, no fear phase. Was really trying to collect all of them. But you gotta take chances. What I've learned is you can't steal second without taking your foot off first. And that goes... It also goes with just fashion in general.

• 27:03Andrew Santino?

  Did you ever have Big Johnson shirts?

• 27:05Speaker 05

  Big Johnson was right on the edge.

• 27:07Andrew Santino?

  I had one.

• 27:07Speaker 05

  Egan has a great Big Johnson one.

• 27:09Andrew Santino?

  He has a shirt? He has a Big Johnson shirt?

• 27:10Speaker 05

  It's a Big Johnson shirt. It's, it's the Big Johnson dog? What is he, rooster?

• 27:15Andrew Santino?

  No, no, Big Dogs is a totally different... That's another category, actually, cool shirt. Big Johnson is, uh...

• 27:20Speaker 05

  A rooster.

• 27:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 27:21Speaker 05

  It was like entendre.

• 27:22Andrew Santino?

  Right, right.

• 27:23Speaker 05

  Did you have one?

• 27:24Andrew Santino?

  I had one Big Johnson shirt. It was like a fisher fishing by the lake with my Big Johnson, catching big bass.

• 27:29Speaker 05

  It's all just a version of... It's all just a version of sandwich boards outside bars, like a dumb semi-chuckle.

• 27:35Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's a stupid phrase. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 27:36Speaker 05

  Write it up, write it up. His is... Big dog and it was that dog going like this to

• 27:44Andrew Santino?

  Two middle fingers.

• 27:45Speaker 05

  There's a grave. Osama Bin Laden is like, fuck you Osama, now you're dead. Something along those lines. I was like, enjoy being dead loser or something like that. I might have said.

• 27:55Andrew Santino?

  By the way, I bet you they sold a million of those fucking things. This is the problem. Whenever I see like a dumb shirt like that on the internet, I think, I bet you that guy's made so much money selling those fucking stupid things. We, we talked about it on this show once, but there's a fisherman that I always see on my Instagram. His name is John Nigger Meyer.

• 28:12Speaker 05

  Ooh.

• 28:12Andrew Santino?

  You can put it together and people buy his shirts. It's because it just says Nigger Meyer on the back, but it doesn't say Nigger Meyer. It says something else.

• 28:19Speaker 05

  Wait, that's his name? Actual name is that?

• 28:21Andrew Santino?

  N I G G E R M E Y E R.

• 28:26Andrew Santino?

  And people bought, dude, he sells out every week on Instagram. He's like, he's like, I want to thank you guys for buying my fishing shirt one more time. It's so funny, dude. I can't, it pops up in my thread all the time.

• 28:35Speaker 05

  No idea why.

• 28:36Andrew Santino?

  And he's selling millions of these shirts. He's a pro fisherman.

• 28:40Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 28:40Andrew Santino?

  But I am getting into these, um, I'm not going to lie. I'm getting into real niche sports. Like I'm obsessed now with, uh, darts. Tournament darts.

• 28:49Speaker 05

  180. The announcer goes so hard.

• 28:52Andrew Santino?

  It's so dope. I want to go to one of those.

• 28:54Speaker 05

  Really quickly.

• 28:55Andrew Santino?

  140.

• 28:56Speaker 05

  143.

• 28:58Andrew Santino?

  Oh, it's so good. We need to go to one of those.

• 29:00Speaker 05

  The greatest throws in, of all time.

• 29:02Andrew Santino?

  The guy that did like three tri- yeah.

• 29:03Speaker 05

  Three triples to three triples.

• 29:04Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 29:05Speaker 05

  And then one guy barely missed a 20, opened up the other guy for the boom, boom, 19. When they did make the decision like boom, boom, oh, I know the math, boom. I'm always like this when I play darts. I'm like, dude, I'm like, wait.

• 29:15Andrew Santino?

  48, 49, 47. Yeah, I've done the same. I do the same shit. I'm so bad.

• 29:19Speaker 05

  I might hit something else.

• 29:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I'm going to probably hit 12 most likely.

• 29:22Speaker 05

  Worked out.

• 29:23Andrew Santino?

  They're so good. But dude, watching those guys, just the crowd though, it looks like an Oktoberfest crowd where they're like wasted. They're all wearing costumes.

• 29:30Speaker 05

  Smoking.

• 29:31Andrew Santino?

  I want to go to one of these.

• 29:32Speaker 05

  Is there like a, let's go. How do we go to one?

• 29:34Andrew Santino?

  Well, they're all, they don't fucking, they barely do them here. Yeah, they're all in England. Look up where we can go to a dart tournament because they've been showing them on ESPN sometimes.

• 29:42Speaker 05

  That's one of my favorite things about ESPN. That's actually my example. I'm like, I'll watch anything if it's a championship game and I use darts as the example.

• 29:48Andrew Santino?

  I'll watch the fuck out of that. Yeah, I'll watch that. Bowling. I'll watch some bowling.

• 29:52Speaker 05

  I had, so I had a friend, Tommy De Luce, who was a bowler, got ranked top five once.

• 29:56Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 29:56Speaker 05

  Fan. He still comes around and, um, We were ranked fifth in the world, made thirty-four thousand dollars that year.

• 30:02Andrew Santino?

  What?

• 30:03Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's like, it's not a-

• 30:04Andrew Santino?

  That's it?

• 30:04Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 30:05Andrew Santino?

  Cause we went bowling in Australia, what?

• 30:07Speaker 04

  Well, the Missouri Open for, uh, for darts is, uh-

• 30:10Speaker 05

  That's the closest we got.

• 30:11Speaker 04

  It's on January 3rd and the purse is eight thousand, three hundred dollars. Is that if you win?

• 30:16Andrew Santino?

  Eight thousand dollars?

• 30:17Speaker 05

  It's either if you win or that's split up for everybody.

• 30:19Andrew Santino?

  That's split up for, the whole crowd has to share that to get home.

• 30:22Speaker 04

  It's on the American Dart Organization, but-

• 30:24Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, dude, we know, we know about the ADO.

• 30:26Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 30:26Andrew Santino?

  We're big ADO fans. Well, what did we do in Australia?

• 30:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, we were bowling with-

• 30:31Andrew Santino?

  Who? You don't remember his name? Belmo? Belmonte? You don't know anything about this guy. He's probably, he's like one of the best bowlers in the world.

• 30:38Speaker 05

  Oh, really?

• 30:38Andrew Santino?

  And he took us bowling in Australia.

• 30:40Speaker 04

  He was unreal.

• 30:40Andrew Santino?

  It's fucking awesome. Dude, it's so rad to watch them. It, it, it, it, it looks, he's fucking around.

• 30:46Speaker 05

  Yeah. They just know and they get the right equipment. So this is what Tommy said, like, if you, so you play a day or two to see who's in the top five. And you seed it. One, two, three, four, five. Five plays four, winner plays three, winner plays- So you only, if you're one, you only have to win one. But if you're a lefty in that first game, you set your groove. And the righty, there's a groove in, in the oil. So now you gotta worry about the other guy's groove, cause you're playing-

• 31:10Andrew Santino?

  Oh.

• 31:10Speaker 05

  So if you're a lefty, you win that first one, you're just running your groove the whole way. Yeah, it's like if you're in golf, you set a fucking hose down on your line of putting.

• 31:18Andrew Santino?

  That'd be so rad.

• 31:19Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 31:20Andrew Santino?

  It's so rad.

• 31:21Speaker 05

  So it's just this weird unfair advantage to be a lefty. If you can win that first one.

• 31:24Andrew Santino?

  Well, cause he was, he's a righty, but he does two hands. He kind of like-

• 31:27Speaker 05

  He goes like this?

• 31:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he kind of like started the two-hand revolution.

• 31:31Speaker 05

  Those are revolutions?

• 31:33Andrew Santino?

  Oh, there's a lot of young guys do it now. A lot of young guys bowl two hands because of him.

• 31:35Speaker 04

  Revolution will not be televised.

• 31:37Speaker 05

  But nobody goes like this. Nobody goes through the legs.

• 31:38Andrew Santino?

  No grannies. There's no granny bowling. And there should be.

• 31:41Speaker 05

  There should be.

• 31:41Andrew Santino?

  By the way, that's what I've heard about this in the NBA. Look up, look up the greatest, uh, free throw percentage, uh, in the NBA's history.

• 31:49Speaker 05

  It's underhanded.

• 31:50Andrew Santino?

  It was granny shot.

• 31:50Speaker 05

  Yeah, they tried to get Shaq to do it because he was so bad. He goes, I know, I know I should better.

• 31:54Andrew Santino?

  Can't do it.

• 31:55Speaker 05

  I'm not doing it.

• 31:55Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. That's a white thing.

• 31:57Speaker 05

  I'm still black.

• 31:57Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I'm-

• 31:58Speaker 05

  I have a, I have a whole life.

• 32:00Speaker 04

  I will say, it says the best is Stephen Curry.

• 32:03Andrew Santino?

  Oh, Steph Curry is probably the new best, yeah, percentage-wise.

• 32:05Speaker 05

  Hey, thanks for ruining it.

• 32:06Andrew Santino?

  But who's the other guy? Who's the other cat?

• 32:07Speaker 05

  Thing.

• 32:08Andrew Santino?

  Do, do, do, NBA, do free throw percentage gram, granny, granny style. There was a guy that did it and had and set records doing it.

• 32:15Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 32:15Andrew Santino?

  No, Stephen Curry is gotta be the new guy. That is probably right.

• 32:18Speaker 05

  I thought it was Stephanie Curry.

• 32:19Speaker 04

  Rick Barry?

• 32:20Andrew Santino?

  Rick Barry.

• 32:21Speaker 05

  He would do it though, yeah?

• 32:22Andrew Santino?

  Granny shot.

• 32:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 32:24Speaker 05

  Yeah, he was like a Hall of Famer. He wasn't just some.

• 32:26Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah.

• 32:27Speaker 04

  He pioneered it in the sixties and seventies.

• 32:29Speaker 05

  His son won a dunk contest.

• 32:31Andrew Santino?

  John Barry. No. Uh, Brent, wait, Brent and John. I know John Barry, which is kinda crazy.

• 32:38Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 32:38Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. Yeah, they're dead.

• 32:39Speaker 05

  I know Boo Barry from the cereals.

• 32:41Andrew Santino?

  Come on, dude, take a walk. Go outside and come back. Get outside.

• 32:44Speaker 05

  He's cool. He likes hip hop, but like new school underground shit.

• 32:47Andrew Santino?

  Boo Barry's that kinda guy?

• 32:48Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 32:49Andrew Santino?

  He's cool.

• 32:49Speaker 05

  He's cool. I know why you think he's not. That's just a money thing. That's image.

• 32:53Andrew Santino?

  Alright, give me his number.

• 32:54Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 32:56Speaker 03

  In here, we pour whiskey.

• 32:59Andrew Santino?

  This episode of Whiskey Ginger is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and sell anything from products to content to time, all in one place, all on your terms. If you ever built a site many, many moons ago, you had to know like C++ and all that stuff for programming and learn how to build and create pages and sections and tabs and hyperlinks. Remember that word? Uh, they took care of all that stuff. Squarespace is incredible. Um, they have design intelligence, uh, which is combining two decades of industry-leading design expertise with cutting-edge AI technology to unlock your strongest creative potential. And again, you can go rogue, build your own site on your own, do whatever you want,

• 33:42Andrew Santino?

  but they can also have, uh, templates set up for you to get you to where you're looking to go if you don't have that creative vision. Squarespace Payments makes it easy to manage your payments in one place if you're selling something. Um, and they also have Klarna, ACH Direct Deposit, Apple Pay, Afterpay, and Clearpay over there in the UK. Uh, it's pretty impressive, man. I really do think what they've created on websites nowadays makes it so seamless and simple. You can invoice, you connect, uh, social and multimedia accounts, sell content, and with the SEO tools, uh, you can get your site seen faster, seen more, uh, show up more often, uh, in those search engine results. So, do yourself a big favor, uh, go to Squarespace.com for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, Squarespace.com/whiskey to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Again, Squarespace.com. Check it out.

• 34:27Andrew Santino?

  If you're ready to launch, Squarespace.com/whiskey to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. This episode of Whiskey Ginger is brought to you by BetterHelp. Hey, I've talked about BetterHelp pretty often on this show. I do believe in speaking to somebody about whatever you've got going on because I'm telling you, it gets hard. Beginning of 2025 has been tough, tough for a lot of people, whether it's family, friends, personal stuff you're going through, the weather changing, the world is changing. And it's hard to go at it alone. So why not give yourself a break? Okay? Give yourself a break and talk to someone. Every January, we're going to bring you 365 blank pages waiting to be filled. How are you going to write your story this year? There's going to be a couple of plot twists, for sure.

• 35:10Andrew Santino?

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• 35:53Andrew Santino?

  That's betterhelp, better H E L P dot com slash whiskey. Betterhelp.com/whiskey.

• 36:05Speaker 00

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• 36:40Andrew Santino?

  You know, I never, I never was a, you know, like, all the young comics that coming up, everyone was cereal addicts when they'd get home and eat cereal. I was a ramen late night guy. I never was a cereal guy.

• 36:48Speaker 05

  That's crazy to eat cereal late night. That's a Soder thing. It's a trash move.

• 36:51Andrew Santino?

  There's a lot of guys that do it, though. There's a lot of dudes that, like, loved cereal at night.

• 36:54Speaker 05

  You know what's common with those guys? Where's their father?

• 36:57Andrew Santino?

  Where is their fucking father, dude?

• 37:00Speaker 05

  Don't eat cereal at night.

• 37:01Andrew Santino?

  No, it's sad.

• 37:01Speaker 05

  Your dad would have told you that if he wasn't too busy drinking to death by a lake, son of a Gary.

• 37:08Andrew Santino?

  Son of a Gary.

• 37:09Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 37:09Andrew Santino?

  Go watch Son of a Gary. By the way, do you have a new hour already?

• 37:13Speaker 05

  Yeah, but I, yes.

• 37:14Andrew Santino?

  You already do.

• 37:15Speaker 05

  But here's, as it's getting more and more of these, it's like leftover stuff, like, that doesn't go in the hour.

• 37:22Andrew Santino?

  Right, that never made it to the first one.

• 37:23Speaker 05

  So you start with fifteen, the next one you start with, like, thirty, the next one you start with, like, I already, it's like, it just keeps growing, so it's like...

• 37:28Andrew Santino?

  That's rad.

• 37:29Speaker 05

  So it's not as hard now as it was before.

• 37:31Andrew Santino?

  No, yeah, right, it exponentially grows, but also it compounds, but some of that stuff I find, I gotta throw it away.

• 37:38Speaker 05

  Yeah, for sure.

• 37:39Andrew Santino?

  I don't really like that.

• 37:40Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 37:40Andrew Santino?

  But you're happy with this, though.

• 37:42Speaker 05

  In April. This hour I just taped?

• 37:44Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 37:44Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 37:45Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. You think it's better than the last one?

• 37:47Speaker 05

  Different. It's more outward instead of inward.

• 37:50Andrew Santino?

  Right. The last one you did was inventive as fuck.

• 37:56Speaker 05

  Thanks, yeah.

• 37:56Andrew Santino?

  Genuinely, like, it was, it's one of those where you're like, oh, you're taking, you're giving us a lens at something that most people have no fucking idea about, and if they do, it's probably wrong, to be honest.

• 38:06Speaker 05

  Jewish stuff.

• 38:06Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 38:07Speaker 05

  Even I learned stuff during it.

• 38:08Andrew Santino?

  That's what I'm saying. Most people's Jew shit conception, they're like, I think I know exactly what that is, and then you're like, oh, maybe I absolutely have no fucking idea what I'm talking about, almost all of the time.

• 38:18Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 38:18Andrew Santino?

  It's kind of, it's kind of eye-opening in a, in a great way. Did the Jew community like it, or no?

• 38:22Speaker 05

  So they were worried, for sure, worried.

• 38:25Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 38:25Speaker 05

  When they heard it was coming out by a former insider. It's like a former Scientologist going on Rogan, like, oh, please talk about golf. Please, you know? So they're like, this could be really bad. I heard from the insider, I have ties, so it's like, they were like, and then they were like...

• 38:41Andrew Santino?

  Because they thought you were gonna shit on it?

• 38:43Speaker 05

  Yeah, but I really tweaked it to make sure they'd be okay with it. I see them in my audience, the religious ones.

• 38:46Andrew Santino?

  You don't say anything bad.

• 38:48Speaker 05

  Yeah, I mean, a touch here and there, but it's like, that's fair.

• 38:51Andrew Santino?

  But it's honest. It's not, it's, genuine criticism is fine.

• 38:55Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 38:56Andrew Santino?

  You're not like...

• 38:56Speaker 05

  Fuck you people.

• 38:57Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you're not damning people for their, their system.

• 38:59Speaker 05

  And so they were all like, they're like, we actually love, they call it a dvar tor, like a, like a speech every week they do.

• 39:05Andrew Santino?

  No shit.

• 39:06Speaker 05

  Yeah, they're like, it's kind of like that. They're like... A touch high on the cussing, but, but, but they're like, we don't really care.

• 39:11Andrew Santino?

  They knew that was gonna be that way.

• 39:12Speaker 05

  Yeah, but, but yeah, they were totally fine with it. I was really happy with it.

• 39:15Andrew Santino?

  That is kinda cool.

• 39:16Speaker 05

  Yeah, I didn't want them to be left out. I tried to make it so they wouldn't feel, cause when I started doing some of those jokes 15 years ago, I'm like, I'm so angry.

• 39:23Andrew Santino?

  Well.

• 39:24Speaker 05

  So I had to like get better.

• 39:25Andrew Santino?

  It's cathartic, right?

• 39:26Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 39:27Andrew Santino?

  To get it off your chest. Do you ever get offered to do corporate gigs for them?

• 39:30Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 39:31Andrew Santino?

  Do you do them?

• 39:32Speaker 05

  No. They'll get fired.

• 39:35Andrew Santino?

  But the check will clear.

• 39:36Speaker 05

  I suggest Modi or Elon.

• 39:38Andrew Santino?

  Right, right, right.

• 39:39Speaker 05

  Or Elon Lieberman. I'm like, listen, I definitely, I appreciate it.

• 39:42Andrew Santino?

  Cause those guys are clean.

• 39:44Speaker 05

  They're clean. It's like, I get, I'm not, you don't understand how this works.

• 39:47Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 39:47Speaker 05

  I don't even know what's dirty and what's not.

• 39:50Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 39:50Speaker 05

  I don't, I don't have, I don't know.

• 39:51Andrew Santino?

  You know what's funny?

• 39:52Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 39:53Andrew Santino?

  You're like, I'm just gonna do what's funny. It might be bad. I don't, I have no idea if you're gonna.

• 39:56Speaker 05

  I'm usually halfway through a bit. I'm like, oh, this is a clean show. This might not be, ah, damn. Oh, dozen with fist thing.

• 40:02Andrew Santino?

  I haven't done a corporate show in so long because of that. I just.

• 40:05Speaker 05

  I did one with Nick Youssef.

• 40:07Andrew Santino?

  Oh, right.

• 40:08Speaker 05

  So I got an offer. They're like, hey, we saw you in La Jolla at the Comedy Store.

• 40:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 40:12Speaker 05

  Would you do a corporate? I'm like, I'm not really a corporate guy. Like, when we saw, like, is it what you're gonna do at the club? I'm like, it'll be exactly what I do at the club. Like, well, we liked, what's the corporation? Border Patrol.

• 40:21Andrew Santino?

  What?

• 40:22Speaker 05

  So it was a bunch of Border Patrol people and their families from the north and the south. And they're like, do whatever. How long should the show last? I'm like, I've never done one. I'm like, how about 45? I'll do 30, he'll do 15. They're like, okay.

• 40:33Andrew Santino?

  Border Patrol?

• 40:34Speaker 05

  Yeah, I mean, like $2,000.

• 40:36Andrew Santino?

  The United States government's Border Patrol.

• 40:37Speaker 05

  Yeah, they, I didn't even lean into that, but.

• 40:39Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 40:41Speaker 05

  Yeah, that was a, my only corporate I've ever done.

• 40:43Andrew Santino?

  So you're helping the wall get built, huh?

• 40:45Speaker 05

  Have you, yeah.

• 40:46Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, baby. Get them out of here. Get them out. I did a few terrible corporates in my day. I've done some really, really, really bad. I did a few that were so uncomfortable that it forever was like, keep the money.

• 40:59Speaker 05

  Wow, really?

• 41:00Andrew Santino?

  I, just so bad. Just so, they're, they don't wanna be there.

• 41:03Speaker 05

  They don't wanna be there. It's like, oh, who set this up?

• 41:05Andrew Santino?

  And then, cause it's one guy's a fan and he's convinced the entire company that you're the guy that they wanna see. And they're like, we're in, this is, we're a, you know, venture capital firm. What a fucking, we're an insurance firm. Like, we don't, uh, it's so uncomfortable. I hate it.

• 41:18Speaker 05

  That's, yeah, yeah.

• 41:19Andrew Santino?

  Unless, unless it was a company that had a rad. You know, like a rad stance or rad, like what they did was like, we're loose, we're cool, we don't give a shit, it's a fun, even still.

• 41:30Speaker 05

  I did some winners convention in Los Angeles, it was Summit, Summit LA, you know anything about them?

• 41:34Andrew Santino?

  I don't think so.

• 41:35Speaker 05

  So they do cruises, they do lots of different things. And it's a bunch of winners, they meet, have a meetup, and it's like, we're gonna have some events, go yoga, do whatever, but the point is, you're a business owner, you're a business owner, you should be talking to each other.

• 41:48Andrew Santino?

  Oh, right.

• 41:49Speaker 05

  And they wanted some comedy, so I was like, I'll go, and I went to a lot of the events. One was Al Gore speaking with Will Smith's son about the environment.

• 41:56Andrew Santino?

  What?

• 41:56Speaker 05

  And Al Gore had to like, wait for that dumb fucking alien to like, say some shit, oh, people might, you know, we like that, and he's like, good man, uh, so anyway, we need to incentivize these corporations financially to be part of that. And he's like, yeah, I think, you know, recycle's a better way to go, he's like, well said. So the fracking, the problem with that is not so much, um, but I had to do a standup show, and there was a moment where I got a little bit racial, and these two ladies walked in midway through, so they didn't get that set up until we liked this guy, and they were like, I could see them going, like, maybe not, you know?

• 42:33Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 42:33Speaker 05

  And, and it was like, they just got over the hump before they interrupted, because if they interrupted, everyone agreed with them.

• 42:39Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 42:39Speaker 05

  And it would have been DEI to death, you can't spell death, that's D E I. And, and, and it would have been gone, I was like, looking, I'm like, no, no, no, wait, wait, please, wait, wait. God, they let me, because it would have been embarrassing to have to leave that.

• 42:52Andrew Santino?

  I did one for, I can't say the name, but I did one. Supposed to be a party of thirty, and they cut down the party, because the guy who threw the party was upset about whatever had happened that day. Five guys.

• 43:06Speaker 05

  Five guys.

• 43:06Andrew Santino?

  Five men in smoking chairs.

• 43:07Speaker 05

  Uday, Kusay, who else?

• 43:09Andrew Santino?

  Lu Be and Ruwe. I'm kidding, I'm not kidding though, five adult men sitting in smoking chairs. And I told the woman who was organizing, I was like, what do you want me to do? And she's like, he wants you to perform still, I was like, I can't do an hour of material to five human beings in a, in a room.

• 43:23Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 43:24Andrew Santino?

  And they're like, well, this is what he wanted, he wanted like, a private show, I was like, this isn't in the contract.

• 43:27Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 43:28Andrew Santino?

  She's like, well, we already gave you the deposit, I was like.

• 43:30Speaker 05

  Right, he already gave me the deposit.

• 43:31Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I was like, well, okay, and she's like, I mean, what do you want to do? I was like, well, I fucking guess I'm here, like, you flew me here, so I had, I had to do it. Luckily.

• 43:43Andrew Santino?

  There was a Hall of Fame baseball player who I recognized as one of the five friends. And I just talked to him. I literally just spoke to him that I was a fan. And just joking around with him.

• 43:51Speaker 05

  Who was it?

• 43:52Andrew Santino?

  And it leveled it out. I'm like, I'll tell you afterwards. But it was just like one of those moments where I thought, thank God I could make jokes with him. Cause these other dudes were like-

• 44:01Speaker 05

  Who was it? Press mute for a second. Can you press mute?

• 44:02Andrew Santino?

  No, no, no. Well, no, I'll tell you afterwards. I'll tell you, I'll tell you all afterwards.

• 44:05Speaker 05

  Write it down on your phone. Chill me. I won't say anything. I just want to know.

• 44:09Andrew Santino?

  I'll tell you afterwards. But it was one of those things-

• 44:11Speaker 05

  I won't think to ask later.

• 44:11Andrew Santino?

  But the guy, but the, but the guy was cool.

• 44:14Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 44:14Andrew Santino?

  And like, they were nice. It was just like, I think he, they, I, because when you get so rich, like some of these guys, billionaires, they're like, I want it private. And the party organizers are like, that's not what these comedians do. They don't do like a, it's not like a me and you in the room thing.

• 44:28Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 44:28Andrew Santino?

  And I bet you, he was like, I don't, I don't care.

• 44:30Speaker 05

  The private idea, sometimes that doesn't, like at music festivals, that's not, I, so I, I became, you know, you become friendly with somebody online sometimes. We become friendly with one of like the guitar techs or somebody who plays with LCD Sound System.

• 44:41Andrew Santino?

  Cool.

• 44:41Speaker 05

  And so a couple of guys, and one of them was like, I'm gonna be in Vegas. I was, I was like, hey, what time you guys go on during Skank Fest? Maybe it couldn't, didn't work out. But he's like, do you mind if I come? I want to see Joe List's movie. And I was like, yeah, I'll get you in. And then they're in New York. So I was like, alright, I'm definitely going anyway. So I was like, yeah. He goes, do you want to sit in VIP? He goes, it's not actually the best sightlines. And I'm like, underrated? But VIP areas kinda suck.

• 45:04Andrew Santino?

  They almost always suck.

• 45:05Speaker 05

  I want to get sweaty with the crowd. I want to be jumping up and down, going like this with a bunch of people.

• 45:10Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 45:11Speaker 05

  Just sit by yourself alone. It's like Rogan's Club in the VIP area. That's not the place to watch it.

• 45:15Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, like we shit the bed. We went to a festival in Budapest. My wife and I were over there. And we were, I was there shooting this, this thing and we had a couple of days off and she was like-

• 45:24Speaker 05

  What were you shooting?

• 45:25Andrew Santino?

  Huh?

• 45:26Speaker 05

  What were you shooting?

• 45:27Andrew Santino?

  Uh, uh, uh, an insurance CEO.

• 45:32Andrew Santino?

  No, I was shooting this little role in a movie, but I, I had three days off. No! I had three days off. And, um, my wife and I were just walking the streets of Budapest and I was like- What is this Ziggit Festival? And there's a little island called Ziggit Island that like is in between Buddha and Pesh, the two sides.

• 45:47Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 45:47Andrew Santino?

  And I was like, Ziggit Island, so I'm looking it up and I'm like, it's a festival. And I was like, dude, it's tomorrow. And my wife is rad, and she was like, let's go.

• 45:54Speaker 05

  She's in.

• 45:54Andrew Santino?

  Oh dude, she's so down.

• 45:55Speaker 05

  Merry that chick.

• 45:56Andrew Santino?

  I did.

• 45:57Speaker 05

  Oh, nice.

• 45:58Andrew Santino?

  She goes, she goes, let's fucking go. So we go, we go to this festival and I thought, I know nothing about it, not familiar with the grounds, you know what I mean? So we're kind of, so I was like, let's buy the tickets. And of course, I was like, we should get the VIP in case it's like, it's got real bathrooms for us to shit in. You know what I mean? Some festivals are like, VIPs are just, it's just like you actually get a porta potty. You don't have to like shit in the field, you know what I mean?

• 46:19Speaker 05

  That part is nice. If you can leave the regular area, go shit, grab a water.

• 46:23Andrew Santino?

  Come out.

• 46:24Speaker 05

  Then come back.

• 46:24Andrew Santino?

  We learned a lesson. So we, we get to the, one of the main stages and I was like, Janelle Monae was there.

• 46:30Speaker 05

  Best style in music.

• 46:31Andrew Santino?

  Unfucking real, like it's so cool and like, you know when people go, that, that looks cool? You're like, that is what looks cool.

• 46:38Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 46:38Andrew Santino?

  Whatever that is, is what's cool.

• 46:39Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 46:40Andrew Santino?

  And she's out there and we were like, fuck, we gotta get over there. So we go and the guy's like, let me see your bracelet. He's like, you're right this way. And so he points us this VIP and it's like on the side of the stage kind of, but I was like, oh, fuck this. Like this sucked. So we ended up just being like, fuck this, we just abandoned it, went back out and the guy's like, where are you guys going? I was like, just to the, like to the down the floor. He's like, okay. Like he was confused. He's like, you don't want to be.

• 47:03Speaker 05

  Everyone wants to go this way, you're going that way.

• 47:04Andrew Santino?

  I was like, no dude, this is whack. I can't even, you can barely kind of see, they just want.

• 47:08Speaker 05

  You should get to be able to drink and say you're better than everybody.

• 47:10Andrew Santino?

  Well, people, most of the people in that, in that area was so fucking funny, weren't even watching the stage. They're having like something to eat and they're conversing and you're like, oh, they're not fucking here for the festival. This is a business thing or some bullshit.

• 47:21Speaker 05

  This is when I was scouting a location for, just shoot for stand up and they were like, and this would be like, this show you in like over here where the VIP set. I'm like, or just more regular people though, right?

• 47:28Andrew Santino?

  Just regular people, yeah. Yeah, just regular people the whole way. That's, that, that festival was rad though.

• 47:33Speaker 05

  Damn, that sounds so cool.

• 47:34Andrew Santino?

  It was so cool.

• 47:35Speaker 05

  What kind of music?

• 47:36Andrew Santino?

  It's on an island. Oh dude, everything out of the sun. Like it would, there was house music in the far, like north corner, there was like an entire, they hand-built, I'll show you photos. They hand-built. All these stages, you know, that were like outdoor surrounding stages and they were all art pieces. So the stage was surrounded by art.

• 47:52Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 47:53Andrew Santino?

  So all of them were kind of individual art pieces. And then the main stage was obviously for like, that's just a fucking huge stage.

• 47:59Speaker 05

  Right.

• 48:00Andrew Santino?

  Cause it's.

• 48:00Speaker 05

  Yeah, but those side stages is where it's at kinda.

• 48:02Andrew Santino?

  That's where you wanna go.

• 48:02Speaker 05

  You just sit down like, this is good, this guy fucking plays guitar, he's awesome. And you're like, does anybody know about him? And then you're like, well, they're in a major festival, so someone's heard of them.

• 48:10Andrew Santino?

  Someone's heard of them, yeah. And, and by the way, if they haven't, it's someone who's booking the festival is like, these people are pretty rad. They'll be good.

• 48:15Speaker 05

  Yeah, we saw Lizzo at like 3pm once.

• 48:18Andrew Santino?

  3pm?

• 48:19Speaker 05

  Yeah, it was like, she was just, hadn't made it yet.

• 48:21Andrew Santino?

  That's so funny.

• 48:22Speaker 05

  Yeah, but afterwards, like, this lady's probably gonna do something.

• 48:25Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I feel like she'll be famous. Yeah, and then they had, then they had these like, alternative cultural tents where it was like, all.

• 48:31Speaker 05

  Alternative cultural tents.

• 48:32Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it was like Korean music. Well, cause dude, you're in Budapest. Like, you gotta remember, like, for them.

• 48:38Speaker 05

  We're having a replica church burning for the, for the locals from Norway.

• 48:43Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they did a Holocaust reenactment on the south side of the island, which we definitely couldn't miss. I gotta tell you, it didn't work out the way that you think. It was no, it was really, it was just like, it was a cool collection of like, music from all over the place and, and honestly, uh, worth every single penny of it. Cause it was a little expensive, I thought. It's a little pricey for.

• 49:04Speaker 05

  How much?

• 49:04Andrew Santino?

  A one day festival. I think USD turned out to be, per ticket was two.

• 49:10Speaker 05

  That's a lot.

• 49:11Andrew Santino?

  It was a little over the top.

• 49:11Speaker 05

  It's a lot.

• 49:12Andrew Santino?

  But then I thought, yeah, but.

• 49:14Speaker 05

  Camping, two a day, it's okay for three days, 600.

• 49:16Andrew Santino?

  I think it included campsite.

• 49:18Speaker 05

  And you just didn't use it?

• 49:19Andrew Santino?

  Well, because I didn't, I was like, we're staying right across the water. So I was like, we'll just walk back. You know what I mean? Like, it was a 20 minute walk.

• 49:24Speaker 05

  So you're gonna go home.

• 49:26Andrew Santino?

  Right, I'm on, I'm on vacation.

• 49:27Speaker 05

  Me and Norman said no to Bonner, they were like, alright, let's go, we go to the hotel. And we're like, eh, I'm gonna stay for a while, like, well, it's last shuttle 11, like 11?

• 49:34Speaker 01

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• 49:49Andrew Santino?

  The last shuttle?

• 49:50Speaker 05

  We're drunk, we're high, we're like, wanna fuck around, like, we'll find it, like, how are you gonna find it? Like, I don't know yet. Something will present itself.

• 49:58Andrew Santino?

  We'll get there when we get there.

• 49:59Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 50:00Andrew Santino?

  We'll get there.

• 50:00Speaker 05

  Fuck somebody in a farm who came back like, we were like, we were just randomly like at the, it was like the employees like, final wrap up or they had a big crawfish boil. Norman had been gone. He was just like, I'll be fine. He took off, shows up again like four hours later. This is like 2 a.m., 2:30 a.m. I'm drinking all of Chris Hardwick's leftover booze because he's sober. Fucking loser.

• 50:21Andrew Santino?

  Loser. Nerd.

• 50:23Speaker 05

  Thanks for not taking out your rider. And uh, so we're in there watching the sign, having a good time. Norman just showed, where the crawfish, Norman just shows up. It's like an hour after the crawfish boil. He goes, "Oh, you left a tail. You left this." He's just eating this fucking leftover crawfish. Where you been? He goes, "I got a story."

• 50:40Andrew Santino?

  I'll tell you later. Just give me another tail.

• 50:44Andrew Santino?

  Let me finish this tail. I'll tell you about the tail.

• 50:48Andrew Santino?

  I have a tall tail. Hey, are you got any more weed?

• 50:53Speaker 05

  He'd have one puff.

• 50:54Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah, well, he doesn't smoke. He doesn't really smoke.

• 50:55Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 50:56Andrew Santino?

  Those guys.

• 50:57Speaker 05

  He's had it, but that's about it.

• 50:58Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, those guys are all real drinks, drinks, drinks, drinks. Yeah, only drinks.

• 51:01Speaker 05

  Got me drinking, was hanging out with him and Sam and Joe Mackey and like.

• 51:04Andrew Santino?

  Good boys.

• 51:04Speaker 05

  And like late night at the cellar.

• 51:06Andrew Santino?

  Good boys.

• 51:06Speaker 05

  Bullet bourbon on the rocks, bullet rye on the rocks. And just like, oh, there's a joy to drinking.

• 51:10Andrew Santino?

  It's a nice hang. It's a good hang.

• 51:12Speaker 05

  And they didn't have it because we all had to drive home.

• 51:14Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I know.

• 51:15Speaker 05

  My start was pre-Uber too.

• 51:17Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's true. That is true.

• 51:18Speaker 05

  Ari Shaffir at a bowling, there's some guy who had a sign behind me. I went to a bowling thing.

• 51:23Andrew Santino?

  What?

• 51:23Speaker 05

  And this guy had a sign behind me that fucking ruled so hard.

• 51:26Andrew Santino?

  Wait, you went to a bowling event?

• 51:28Speaker 05

  Yeah, Tommy Deluce. They always play like just outside main town's Reno.

• 51:32Andrew Santino?

  Uh huh.

• 51:33Speaker 05

  Uh, you know.

• 51:34Andrew Santino?

  What does it say?

• 51:34Speaker 05

  You see it?

• 51:35Andrew Santino?

  Let's see, flip it around. I want to see it.

• 51:37Speaker 05

  You gotta see the sign.

• 51:38Andrew Santino?

  What?

• 51:39Speaker 05

  There's a sign behind Tommy. I'm sitting there randomly.

• 51:43Andrew Santino?

  Give me a sign.

• 51:46Speaker 05

  Yeah. Bowling events.

• 51:48Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that's so funny. Defense.

• 51:51Speaker 05

  He's rooting for the pins.

• 51:54Speaker 05

  And then they're passing the sign around on Reddit and they're like, oh my God, it's a crazy sign. Wait, is that Ari Shaffir there? Unrelated to it.

• 52:01Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, two separate. By the way, defense at a bowling event? Yeah, that looks like.

• 52:05Speaker 05

  Look at that hair.

• 52:06Andrew Santino?

  By the way, you look like Kyle Mooney right there. That's when I met you, when you had, when you looked like that.

• 52:10Speaker 05

  God, I gotta go to Turkey soon.

• 52:12Andrew Santino?

  No, dude, don't do it.

• 52:13Speaker 05

  Why?

• 52:14Andrew Santino?

  You're rocking. You look good. You're a sex machine dude.

• 52:17Speaker 05

  Look at this guy trying to be positive with that fucking flowers.

• 52:20Andrew Santino?

  He's got, he's got great lettuce. What do you mean? You're in love and you're happy?

• 52:23Speaker 05

  But dude, I-

• 52:24Andrew Santino?

  What do you give a shit?

• 52:25Speaker 05

  I want hair. I want a mohawk.

• 52:27Andrew Santino?

  Well, I'll tell you what's hairy is this fucking beef. When we went to the Russian spa dude, you got a fucking fluff dude. Yeah, you got a big fluff. You got a big fluffer. Look at this guy's gonna pull out his fucking dingle. This guy-

• 52:38Speaker 05

  It's not that big. It's that, it's got a, it's got a muff.

• 52:41Andrew Santino?

  Look at the muff on this guy's weener. It's nuts dude.

• 52:44Speaker 05

  It almost goes over the head.

• 52:45Andrew Santino?

  It's so long. I saw your muff at the spa and I thought, way too much hair dude. Look at, oh, there's your, yeah, look at it. Drop it in there.

• 52:54Speaker 05

  Sheath underwear.

• 52:56Andrew Santino?

  This is a plug for sheath dude.

• 52:57Speaker 05

  This is a plug. Plug it in.

• 53:01Andrew Santino?

  There it is dude.

• 53:01Speaker 05

  Make sure bulge grow out. That's what nobody says about sheath. When you get the balls up.

• 53:05Andrew Santino?

  Balls high, yeah. Yeah. Well, cause if you're hanging, if you're hanging, it looks like you might have a small little weener. Yeah, it goes down. You give it a little kendall effect.

• 53:12Speaker 05

  Yeah, when I had my biggest hair and it was a real curly, I would shave the sides, let the top come down over it. So it'll go down a little bit.

• 53:18Andrew Santino?

  Hot.

• 53:19Speaker 05

  All was curly. It would go out like that.

• 53:21Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 53:22Speaker 05

  That's what sheath underwear does.

• 53:22Andrew Santino?

  That's what sheath underwear does. Not a plug for sheath, but it might be.

• 53:25Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 53:26Andrew Santino?

  No, when we went to the Russian spa, I know you got a great, kid's got a great bush dude. Also really love going to that with you, man. Makes me so happy. You sat in that cold plunge for a little while.

• 53:35Speaker 05

  I lasted, up to three minutes. That time was like one, one and a half maybe.

• 53:39Andrew Santino?

  I'm doing three every day now. I'm doing three to five every day.

• 53:43Speaker 05

  Once you get to one, you can like just tell yourself, okay, I just want two. And then you can get to three.

• 53:48Andrew Santino?

  But I will say, the cold plunge that I go into is not as cold as that one that we're in, that we go.

• 53:53Speaker 05

  They crank it.

• 53:53Andrew Santino?

  It's unfucking real.

• 53:54Speaker 05

  Turns out Russians are unreasonable.

• 53:56Andrew Santino?

  They're the toughest people I've ever seen. In the hot room there.

• 53:59Speaker 05

  Hey, was there a pub on these?

• 54:00Andrew Santino?

  That's your pub. You just pulled out your penis bud.

• 54:03Speaker 05

  I need to see the tape on that.

• 54:05Andrew Santino?

  Rewind. The, the hot that they put on those hot saunas in those places.

• 54:11Andrew Santino?

  They're tough. They're hard. They're actually hard to do. You can feel it. My teeth hurt. That's how hot it is. My teeth are like, Jesus Christ.

• 54:17Speaker 05

  Good sauna.

• 54:18Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but it's worth it. It makes my brain feel clear whenever I do that. Like I feel good again.

• 54:23Speaker 05

  Can't be on your phone for a bit, which is like on, on, like a down low, one of the best benefits of it.

• 54:29Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that you have to disappear. Well, that's honestly, I talked to you about that, that I'm looking to put people's phones in cases at shows.

• 54:36Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 54:37Andrew Santino?

  I think it should be standard from now on.

• 54:39Speaker 05

  It should, but honestly, I think it should be standard at house parties.

• 54:42Andrew Santino?

  That's, that's, I mean, everywhere you're gathering in groups.

• 54:44Speaker 05

  People will revolt, but if you explain to them the reason, like in Denver, when they first had it, Chappelle got it, gave it to Denver, so they were the first one to implement it.

• 54:50Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 54:51Speaker 05

  I think maybe Madison was after that, I don't know, but Chappelle gifted it to them.

• 54:53Andrew Santino?

  Madison does have to, yeah.

• 54:55Speaker 05

  And, and then Denver now, at the first, like, well, I'm a mom, it's like, it's okay, you can go outside and take any call. Like, well, I won't use it, like, well, then there's no problem then.

• 55:03Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 55:04Speaker 05

  If you're not gonna use it, no way.

• 55:05Andrew Santino?

  Then what's the difference?

• 55:05Speaker 05

  But now Denver is just trained to just not use it. They're like, yeah, yeah, I know.

• 55:11Andrew Santino?

  The whole world should do that, but a house parties is a good transition, that's true. Anyplace you're gathering with big groups of people, you should have to check your phone in a thing so you don't use it.

• 55:18Speaker 05

  And if you really wanted to do it right, so it's like, let's be present, I get you on pictures, here is a disposable camera, this'll be fun.

• 55:24Andrew Santino?

  Snap away.

• 55:25Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 55:26Andrew Santino?

  Have fun. But if you really need like, oh, my kids, my, sure, step out.

• 55:29Speaker 05

  We have a room out there.

• 55:30Andrew Santino?

  You can go step out and come back. Also, limited time on the step out, though. We are clocking you.

• 55:35Speaker 05

  Are you gonna be out there forever?

• 55:36Andrew Santino?

  We are clocking you, if you're out there for too long, it's like, you're not gonna welcome, you're not, we're not welcoming you back in.

• 55:40Speaker 05

  Yeah, it should be like, uh, what's that game where the slime would hit you all the time?

• 55:44Andrew Santino?

  The Nickelodeon?

• 55:45Speaker 05

  Nickelodeon games, yeah.

• 55:46Andrew Santino?

  Double Dare, on Double Dare.

• 55:46Speaker 05

  Double Dare, where it's like, if you're out there too long, it's like, let's count down, there, bow, you got slime!

• 55:50Andrew Santino?

  Three, two, yeah.

• 55:51Speaker 05

  What the fuck, man? I have spots later, like, well.

• 55:54Andrew Santino?

  Too bad, dude, should've come back in.

• 55:56Speaker 05

  Should've let, you saw the contract, I didn't sign any contract.

• 55:58Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah, you did, it's right there, look, right as you walked in. I think we do need that.

• 56:01Speaker 05

  It's written in Snazberries.

• 56:02Andrew Santino?

  We do need that at just regular hangs, too, man.

• 56:04Speaker 05

  Regular hangs, look, guys, can we just put it away, cause you're all, and it's like, no, I just gotta do one thing, we all have to just do one thing. How about you take, it's like with the mushroom trip, take care of all your last one things, and say, just tell yourself, I'm good till tomorrow.

• 56:16Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 56:16Speaker 05

  No matter what, I'm good till tomorrow. I'm allowed to sleep for eight hours.

• 56:20Andrew Santino?

  Out of office, dude.

• 56:21Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 56:21Andrew Santino?

  I'm out of office. Turn your phone off, get high, go out of office.

• 56:25Speaker 05

  Yeah. Take care of the last things you have to do, so you don't think, oh shit, something's still holding me.

• 56:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you don't want the anxiety.

• 56:31Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 56:32Andrew Santino?

  Cause the anxiety of what I have to do, the, sometimes if I would go on, if I go on a trip and then the next day, I'm like, thinking like, fuck, I have to do something in the morning. That also cre, I would say, make sure you're done for that day, and make sure the next day, that you don't, you got, you got a little clearance in the morning.

• 56:45Speaker 05

  Yeah, so you can do real drugs if you want.

• 56:47Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you don't, you don't wanna wake up at nine thirty, like.

• 56:51Speaker 05

  Yeah, I went to I went to Billy's Drinks with Matt Edgar and it was like afterwards like let's go to like we're in like Fort Worth and we stayed in the Stockyards. Got some like recommendations of where to go and we're like, oh, I guess we should go back to the room and then like get get sleep for tomorrow and we're both like, why sleep for tomorrow? We're in like a like a cowboy town. Let's go out.

• 57:08Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, let's go.

• 57:09Speaker 05

  It was great, but we had the same thing where we got we got from one of their Tartecks or Billy was like, I'll hook you up with tickets. And I was like, okay, front row on the side. I was like, cool. Uh, and then it's one of the ladies was like, hey, can we go in there? The pitch like show me your thing and she's like, I gotta ask three different people and I was like, I just want to go in there.

• 57:29Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, where it is.

• 57:29Speaker 05

  And then she was like, looked, she's like, you can go. I'm like, go.

• 57:35Andrew Santino?

  Where's Edgar now? He's in Austin?

• 57:36Speaker 05

  Austin, yeah.

• 57:37Andrew Santino?

  He's loving it, huh?

• 57:38Speaker 05

  He loves it. He grew up in LA and Long Beach, so it's like he needed a change.

• 57:42Andrew Santino?

  He needs to change.

• 57:43Speaker 05

  And he loves it. He gets paid.

• 57:44Andrew Santino?

  You wouldn't go down there.

• 57:45Speaker 05

  It's tacky.

• 57:48Speaker 05

  It's like whatever they say about the comedy scene, it's a bachelor town.

• 57:51Andrew Santino?

  Tough. That's Second Street or whatever. Yeah.

• 57:54Speaker 05

  Sixth Street. Sixth Street is like a darker Broadway.

• 57:56Andrew Santino?

  It is.

• 57:57Speaker 05

  It's just like, ugh.

• 57:58Andrew Santino?

  Way darker Broadway.

• 57:59Speaker 05

  They call 911. Literally last time I started calling 911 because a homeless lady was so passed out and then when they tried to like, lady, you okay? Bunch of barf comes out. And it was like, she's kind of dying. I call 911. I was on hold for over three minutes.

• 58:13Andrew Santino?

  911, what was your emergency?

• 58:15Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's exactly it. I was like, this is crazy. And then the lady was there. She goes, you're on hold with paramedics. I'm like, get them.

• 58:21Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 58:22Speaker 05

  I just want to report it. Start sending them. It was nuts, but I'm like, that's the shit you walk out on.

• 58:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, no, I don't like it. I said, it's like World Star Hip Hop Live. You're like, this is all gonna make the internet. Somehow everywhere there's a fight. Oh, last time I was there, you would like it. There was black Israelites yelling at everybody in the streets. You know, the black Israelites were out.

• 58:41Speaker 05

  Wow, on Sixth Street?

• 58:42Andrew Santino?

  On Sixth Street going fucking off, like yelling, screaming at people.

• 58:46Speaker 05

  They're the QAnon of religion.

• 58:49Andrew Santino?

  The black Israelites were wild and they were like, you bark, anybody that got kind of near them, they started yelling at. And so I bananaed as far as I could to go to get to the club. I was like, we'll just go a block south. I don't want to be yelled at before I get a spot.

• 59:00Speaker 05

  It's kind of a good vibe.

• 59:01Andrew Santino?

  Not a big fan. Also, do your thing. More power to you, but also.

• 59:04Speaker 05

  The rest of Austin, so I go to that part way too much now.

• 59:07Andrew Santino?

  That's where we are.

• 59:07Speaker 05

  Right. The rest of Austin is cooler, but there's still a, it used to be a great pill town.

• 59:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 59:13Speaker 05

  And a bit of a coke town and definitely a drinking town and also a drive drunk town. It was just sort of acceptable. Blacks, I'm not talking to you, but like for the whites, it was just kind of like, don't be an asshole, drive under control.

• 59:24Andrew Santino?

  Right, right, right.

• 59:25Speaker 05

  Uh, if they catch you, they catch you. We all know the rule.

• 59:27Andrew Santino?

  They get you, they got you.

• 59:27Speaker 05

  But also people will always complain, like, I didn't even make an illegal turn. They pulled me over for no reason. And he's like, but you did blow a 7.4.

• 59:34Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they pulled you over because you were blacked out.

• 59:35Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 59:35Andrew Santino?

  How would they know? They knew.

• 59:37Speaker 05

  They know.

• 59:37Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you were driving at 2:30 in the morning. What the fuck?

• 59:39Speaker 05

  Um, but, but it was always a cool town and then became, maybe it was Instagram, I don't know, became a bit of a bachelorette town. So everyone's influencing.

• 59:47Andrew Santino?

  Uh, yeah, it's become, it's become a different version of itself. And I used to love going there back in the day. Going to that Lady Bird Lake or whatever, going to the, with Barton Springs.

• 59:55Speaker 05

  Kayaking.

• 59:56Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 59:56Speaker 05

  Barton Springs rules.

• 59:58Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, up the way. Take out your penis and go swimming.

• 1:00:00Speaker 05

  Titties.

• 1:00:01Andrew Santino?

  Love that, dude. Not anymore. I don't even, people don't, people do that anymore. It's too busy. You can't, nobody wants to be nude publicly if it's too busy.

• 1:00:09Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:00:09Andrew Santino?

  They want the comfort of like, yeah, there's a dozen people are here. They see my tits, my wiener, my asshole. What is it, 50, 60 people? You're like, mm.

• 1:00:16Speaker 05

  The store, the, got a, or mothership, whatever, got a condo and they have a balcony that you can sort of see where the mothership is.

• 1:00:22Andrew Santino?

  They have a condo now.

• 1:00:23Speaker 05

  Yeah. Cause they're like, we're doing hotels every time. Some people are like, can I stay an extra day? And like, uh, yeah, it's pretty generous. But eventually like, let's just get a place, stay five days if you want.

• 1:00:32Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, why not?

• 1:00:33Speaker 05

  And man, that balcony and that, when your dick is out over Austin.

• 1:00:37Andrew Santino?

  Cool.

• 1:00:38Speaker 05

  Just like, oh, it's so great. They can see you, but they don't, but they can't.

• 1:00:42Andrew Santino?

  That's what I love about New York. Whenever I'm in the hotel, I walk around so naked because I just, I love that people can see you naked.

• 1:00:47Speaker 05

  Yeah, out in the windows.

• 1:00:48Andrew Santino?

  It's a great exchange. I love that. And they, everybody sees it and it's okay.

• 1:00:51Speaker 05

  They're like, ah, you don't know me.

• 1:00:52Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, no, it's a part of the thing, but it's also untraceable. You don't know what room I'm in. That's the coolest part.

• 1:00:58Speaker 05

  Want some room?

• 1:00:59Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, who, you don't know where I am. You couldn't count the floors and figure it out, no way. In LA, you see a guy naked in his house. It's, I see you across the street, I see you. I see your cock out.

• 1:01:07Speaker 05

  I told you to stop. I told you I have kids and you won't stop.

• 1:01:10Andrew Santino?

  I drink coffee in my front window with my cock out sometimes, just hoping people will walk by and see it. I'm on my property, dude. I'm gonna be cock out.

• 1:01:17Speaker 05

  Did you like Australia? I went to a nude beach there in Perth.

• 1:01:19Andrew Santino?

  You, what? Why didn't we go to a fucking nude beach? We loved Australia. The only bummer was, too fast. This is my second time.

• 1:01:25Speaker 05

  So Bobby just said.

• 1:01:26Andrew Santino?

  Too fast. We were just like.

• 1:01:28Speaker 05

  The Jews won't let you take days off.

• 1:01:29Andrew Santino?

  I know.

• 1:01:30Speaker 05

  Do Friday, Saturday, only. And so that way you can come early and then go to the next place, stay late.

• 1:01:37Andrew Santino?

  But you know what the Jews did to us, baby? They ran us. They ran us dry.

• 1:01:41Speaker 05

  See when Kanye was like, these Jews, people are like, how do you say that? Like, we've all been saying that. It means your agent. It's code for your agent. They might not even be Jewish. It just means the Jew arts.

• 1:01:52Speaker 05

  And then you went back on them so hard that you made them anti-Semitic. You could've just left them to make a nice joke.

• 1:01:57Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, what are you doing, buddy? We really liked you. We were rooting for you. No, we loved it though. We had a great time. We went to Rotten S Island to go see a little.

• 1:02:04Speaker 05

  You did. You saw the Quokkas.

• 1:02:05Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I saw the Quokkas, mate.

• 1:02:06Speaker 05

  I never, uh.

• 1:02:07Andrew Santino?

  Dude, you didn't go?

• 1:02:08Speaker 05

  Biggest regrets. I told Jetzky I was trying to get her to stay longer.

• 1:02:10Andrew Santino?

  So sick.

• 1:02:11Speaker 05

  And I was like, literally, one of my biggest regrets in life is not getting out there.

• 1:02:15Andrew Santino?

  Oh, so cool. The boat was fun. And then, but Jetzky and I. Yeah, you boat out there. And then Jetzky and I took the morning to ourselves and we went to go see, uh. There's a little like, um, there's a little like, patch of natural preserve in Perth and they have kangaroos. I don't remember the name of it, but we took a walk and I was like, oh, they're probably sleeping because they're pretty nocturnal. So we're like walking around like, oh, we're not gonna see any. And then she goes, we go to the north end of the island. And she's like, I have a feeling, I swear to God, this was insane. She goes, I have a feeling we're gonna come across one finally. And within two to three minutes, she goes, look. And I was like, no shit.

• 1:02:50Speaker 05

  Wild.

• 1:02:50Andrew Santino?

  She had the vibe. It was right there and they were all kind of nestled together, sleeping. A bunch, yeah.

• 1:02:54Speaker 05

  A herd.

• 1:02:55Andrew Santino?

  A little, a crew. A crew is what they call, a gang. They're called a gangaroos.

• 1:02:58Speaker 05

  Kangaroo crew.

• 1:02:59Andrew Santino?

  Gangaroos.

• 1:03:00Speaker 05

  Gangaroos.

• 1:03:00Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, gangaroos. And so they were just chilling out and she was so amped and I was like, oh, this is great. Because we traveled so much, I had been there, those guys didn't see, get to see shit. They were like hotel venue, hotel venue, hotel venue, airport, airport, airport.

• 1:03:14Speaker 05

  It's not the way to go.

• 1:03:15Andrew Santino?

  That sucked, dude. I felt bad for these guys, but.

• 1:03:17Speaker 04

  It was fun.

• 1:03:18Andrew Santino?

  It was fun.

• 1:03:19Speaker 05

  I mean, still fun, like different food, the flat whites are the best, the fucking avocado smash are the best.

• 1:03:24Andrew Santino?

  We went out in Melbourne, we had a good time in Melbourne too, because I love, I have a big crush on Melbourne, you know, I'm so all about it. That, I would move there tomorrow.

• 1:03:31Speaker 05

  Melbourne would be a good city. I actually, during Covid, when the lockdowns were happening, I was in New York. So they're like, oh, that's locked down. And then once they told you like, well, if too many people are there, it spreads fast. And it was like, you do the math, like, oh, New York's done.

• 1:03:44Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, done.

• 1:03:45Speaker 05

  Forget it, forget live in or gathering, New York's done.

• 1:03:48Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:48Speaker 05

  So to make a short list of where I could move, Austin was one, because I'm like Texas. I, I wasn't thinking like what would eventually lock down.

• 1:03:55Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 1:03:55Speaker 05

  It was like, if I moved to Austin, I could go to, I could do a once a month in Dallas, once a month in Houston, once a month in San Antonio.

• 1:04:02Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:02Speaker 05

  Host at the Cap City that hadn't closed yet, the old one.

• 1:04:06Andrew Santino?

  That's a good bounce around.

• 1:04:06Speaker 05

  What can I do? I thought about Hong Kong, I thought about Melbourne.

• 1:04:09Andrew Santino?

  Hong Kong?

• 1:04:10Speaker 05

  Yeah, they would open it up, they were real strict on it, they'd disappear you if you had a fever.

• 1:04:13Andrew Santino?

  That's cool.

• 1:04:14Speaker 05

  As long as you didn't get a fever.

• 1:04:15Andrew Santino?

  They'd kill you on sight?

• 1:04:16Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:04:17Andrew Santino?

  Go by for now.

• 1:04:17Speaker 05

  They'd put you in a van for a while.

• 1:04:19Andrew Santino?

  They what?

• 1:04:19Speaker 05

  They'd be like, let's go.

• 1:04:20Andrew Santino?

  They would just put you in a van?

• 1:04:21Speaker 05

  They're like, oh shit, you have a fever. I'm like, no, no. And then you come back in a week.

• 1:04:26Andrew Santino?

  But Australia was crazy strict too.

• 1:04:27Speaker 05

  Australia was, Melbourne was worse than Sydney.

• 1:04:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they locked it down.

• 1:04:31Speaker 05

  But you could do stand up.

• 1:04:33Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you could move around.

• 1:04:34Speaker 05

  I thought about it anyway. And then it turns out things were wacky and, ends up the only place to really go was, uh, Switzerland.

• 1:04:41Andrew Santino?

  Really? Why Switzerland?

• 1:04:42Speaker 05

  They never did a thing.

• 1:04:43Andrew Santino?

  They didn't do anything.

• 1:04:44Speaker 01

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• 1:05:00Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 1:05:01Speaker 05

  I went there and I was doing a joke in reference, just like a setup on, on the tour of like, just focusing on like good things in life. Like, do you ever have time to think? Remember when like Covid lockdowns, you actually had a moment to think?

• 1:05:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:11Speaker 05

  And they all started giggling. I was like, oh, right. You guys didn't do that. They're like, no.

• 1:05:15Andrew Santino?

  No, we lived.

• 1:05:16Speaker 05

  Did you all die? Is that why I'm not selling that well here? Because you guys all died?

• 1:05:22Andrew Santino?

  Everyone that would come is gone?

• 1:05:23Speaker 05

  Yeah. No, they had no effects, whatever, but, but, but that was the only place. Everything, just keep going, do whatever.

• 1:05:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but they did, they did fine just for themselves. My neighbor, my, my old neighbor at my old house, it was this cool dude, a writer.

• 1:05:36Speaker 05

  Gabor, because he's a homosexual.

• 1:05:37Andrew Santino?

  Hey, hey, hey, no, you aren't, no, you aren't. He knows who he is. Don't do that.

• 1:05:39Speaker 05

  Okay, it's okay.

• 1:05:41Andrew Santino?

  This guy would take his dog and his boat and go up to the Pacific Northwest and they live, they had a place on like a little island. And he's like, brother, there was no such thing as COVID. He's like, there's like 50 to 60 people that we know out on that little peninsula. And he's like, we just did whatever we wanted to do all the time. And they just stayed up there. He's like, we just stayed until everything calmed down. I was like, oh, you just, you had your own, what was that fucking movie with Leonardo DiCaprio? The island, the beach? Yeah. It's like you were on the beach.

• 1:06:07Speaker 05

  Especially if they're isolated, they're like, it's not here. So we passed in Ecuador, we had a couple of places that were like, like a, like a, kind of like a Walking Dead, like, do not come in sign over like a little like rickety bridge and then like outsiders not wanted.

• 1:06:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:20Speaker 05

  Like they, we just don't want this in here.

• 1:06:22Andrew Santino?

  That's so cool.

• 1:06:23Speaker 05

  And then they were just like, yeah.

• 1:06:24Andrew Santino?

  You have to do the Riddles 3 with a troll by the bridge?

• 1:06:26Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:06:27Andrew Santino?

  If you want to come into this little location.

• 1:06:29Speaker 05

  There was just no way to fully test for it.

• 1:06:31Andrew Santino?

  No, the tests weren't real.

• 1:06:33Speaker 05

  Anyone new that came in could have, could have it.

• 1:06:37Andrew Santino?

  Of course. Are you kidding me? I tested negative both times that I had it.

• 1:06:40Speaker 05

  This is every zombie movie. I think we're fine. I think we're fine. I think we're fine. You seem cool. I was like, I did just get bit yesterday, but I'm sure it's fine.

• 1:06:46Andrew Santino?

  Don't tell anybody.

• 1:06:46Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:06:47Andrew Santino?

  I want you in here. You're my brother. You're my blood. I have to protect you. What do you think the next revolution is? It's coming. What is, what's the next big pandem- epidemic pandemic? It's coming.

• 1:06:57Speaker 05

  Yeah, I think it's something to do with online. I think we're gonna.

• 1:07:00Andrew Santino?

  What about these drones in Jersey?

• 1:07:02Speaker 05

  No, I know all about those.

• 1:07:03Andrew Santino?

  This will be long gone by the time this episode comes out. Oh, that's fucking cool.

• 1:07:06Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:07:07Andrew Santino?

  Whoa, really?

• 1:07:08Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:07:08Andrew Santino?

  Well, this episode will already be out, oh, out way after that thing is done with.

• 1:07:12Speaker 05

  I'll just tell you what it's related to.

• 1:07:14Andrew Santino?

  Give it to me right now.

• 1:07:15Speaker 05

  Two things.

• 1:07:16Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:18Speaker 05

  Banks and the weather.

• 1:07:22Andrew Santino?

  What are you guys, what are you up to?

• 1:07:23Speaker 05

  It's a good day to go banking.

• 1:07:23Andrew Santino?

  What are you guys up to?

• 1:07:24Speaker 05

  It's a good day to invest.

• 1:07:25Andrew Santino?

  A good day to invest. I do think it's hilarious that it was only over Jersey. That makes me laugh so hard. It's nowhere else but Jersey. It's like, what? They're like, the aliens, dude, they're at, what, why Jersey?

• 1:07:36Speaker 05

  I like how the government, the military is like, uh, we don't know what it is at this time. It's like, but also are you, are you looking into it though?

• 1:07:43Andrew Santino?

  They're like, no, not really.

• 1:07:45Speaker 05

  So you're involved then? Like, I didn't say that.

• 1:07:47Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 1:07:47Speaker 05

  But you're not not saying that.

• 1:07:48Andrew Santino?

  Well, we don't not say nothing.

• 1:07:51Speaker 05

  Shouldn't you investigate?

• 1:07:53Andrew Santino?

  We'll see.

• 1:07:54Speaker 05

  We'll know what it is by now. Or society will be crumbled.

• 1:07:56Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, by the time this episode comes out, we will know publicly how creepy that is.

• 1:08:00Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:08:00Andrew Santino?

  And how like, and how we'll know in retrospect and go, that makes perfect sense.

• 1:08:05Speaker 05

  Yeah, we shouldn't have been joking about it.

• 1:08:06Andrew Santino?

  That's exactly who was doing that.

• 1:08:07Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:08:08Andrew Santino?

  Well, I've seen those drones.

• 1:08:08Speaker 05

  It was RuPaul trying to fucking gay everybody up.

• 1:08:10Andrew Santino?

  Well, is that a new drag race, do you think that is?

• 1:08:13Speaker 05

  Maybe a new drag race.

• 1:08:14Andrew Santino?

  New drag drone race?

• 1:08:15Speaker 05

  I think it's what, it's the, it's the plot of one of the X-Men movies, X-Men?

• 1:08:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:19Speaker 05

  Where they're trying to make everyone mutants.

• 1:08:20Andrew Santino?

  Oh.

• 1:08:21Speaker 05

  RuPaul's got that, that, got that science. She's trying to make everyone a drag queen.

• 1:08:27Andrew Santino?

  You'd be a pretty hot drag queen.

• 1:08:28Speaker 05

  Oh, baby, you know it.

• 1:08:32Andrew Santino?

  Those legs, those stems, dude, shave those up.

• 1:08:35Speaker 05

  I went in drag.

• 1:08:36Andrew Santino?

  And you could talk, you're long enough, you can talk.

• 1:08:38Speaker 05

  I could talk, oh yeah, I've talked.

• 1:08:39Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you, you, yeah, you have? You've talked? Tucked in tape? You've never tucked in tape though?

• 1:08:43Speaker 05

  Never taped.

• 1:08:43Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you gotta tape.

• 1:08:44Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:08:44Andrew Santino?

  You gotta learn. That's like a real, that's like a big to do.

• 1:08:47Speaker 05

  Universe of Maryland, once, like way before it was kind of popular, and just like for Halloween. And I borrowed, I was a practice player for the girls' basketball team, so I borrowed their like, high heels.

• 1:08:57Andrew Santino?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:08:57Speaker 05

  Cause like, who else has an eleven and a half men's high heels?

• 1:08:59Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:00Speaker 05

  But man, it was, it was pretty fun.

• 1:09:02Andrew Santino?

  Liberated, wasn't it? Yeah, you felt good in a dress, didn't you?

• 1:09:05Speaker 05

  Yeah, miniskirt, shaved.

• 1:09:07Andrew Santino?

  You felt hot?

• 1:09:08Speaker 05

  Yeah, I got approached by gays.

• 1:09:10Andrew Santino?

  You got hit on?

• 1:09:11Speaker 05

  Yeah, well, this guy kept asking me for my number and I was like, I don't know, I don't know. And he kept asking, like, come on, come on, come on. And eventually one of my female friends said, it's, it's give him a fake number. Right, thank you.

• 1:09:22Andrew Santino?

  You guys have been doing this for years.

• 1:09:24Speaker 05

  Thank you for your expertise.

• 1:09:25Andrew Santino?

  God, that makes perfect sense.

• 1:09:27Speaker 05

  Gave him my gay friend's number.

• 1:09:29Andrew Santino?

  Oh, right, that's good. That'll work.

• 1:09:31Speaker 05

  They fucked.

• 1:09:32Andrew Santino?

  Yes.

• 1:09:33Speaker 05

  He just got a number. He was like, huh? He's like, I met you on like, Alice Morgan. He goes, no, you didn't. And he goes this, he goes, no, no, it wasn't me. So, and then, but what's your name? Gays are nuts.

• 1:09:45Andrew Santino?

  That's awesome, though.

• 1:09:45Speaker 05

  And this is pre that website that you're on all the time now that you have an account.

• 1:09:48Andrew Santino?

  What is it called? Tickler or Whisperer?

• 1:09:50Speaker 05

  Become.

• 1:09:52Andrew Santino?

  Do you have spots while you're in town?

• 1:09:54Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:09:54Andrew Santino?

  You tonight?

• 1:09:55Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:09:56Andrew Santino?

  Well, tonight we'll go to the store then, huh?

• 1:09:57Speaker 05

  You are?

• 1:09:58Andrew Santino?

  I think I'm there tonight.

• 1:09:58Speaker 05

  Oh, great.

• 1:09:59Andrew Santino?

  Ladies and gentlemen, do yourself a huge favor. Please watch at your earliest convenience, my good friend Ari Shaffir's special, "America's Sweetheart." It's available right now on Netflix. I know that you have Netflix.

• 1:10:11Speaker 05

  You gotta have Netflix.com. They're drop shipping CDs.

• 1:10:14Andrew Santino?

  They're drop shipping CDs to your front door. Go see it right now. Go watch his other specials, also available on Netflix. Buy the album. See him on tour. He's gonna be on tour all next year.

• 1:10:24Speaker 05

  I'm on tour in 20... This whole year.

• 1:10:27Andrew Santino?

  This year, 2025.

• 1:10:28Speaker 05

  The first half of this year, and then I'm done for two years.

• 1:10:30Andrew Santino?

  No, you're not done for two years.

• 1:10:31Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:10:32Andrew Santino?

  No, you're not.

• 1:10:33Speaker 05

  I am.

• 1:10:33Andrew Santino?

  That's a lie.

• 1:10:34Speaker 05

  2026 is gone.

• 1:10:35Andrew Santino?

  Why?

• 1:10:36Speaker 05

  I'm traveling.

• 1:10:37Andrew Santino?

  The whole year?

• 1:10:38Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:10:39Andrew Santino?

  You're not gonna do one show?

• 1:10:40Speaker 05

  I'll tell you about it. I'll do in-town sets.

• 1:10:42Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 1:10:43Speaker 05

  In parts of it.

• 1:10:44Andrew Santino?

  So not till 2027 that they'll see you again? So if you don't catch him in 2025 right now, you're cooked for next year.

• 1:10:50Speaker 05

  And also, I won't be back in those cities till like 2029.

• 1:10:53Andrew Santino?

  Jesus Christ.

• 1:10:54Speaker 05

  Seattle or wherever, Atlanta.

• 1:10:56Andrew Santino?

  So you oughta go. If you have a chance, please go. We end the episode the same way, my love. Look in that camera and say one word or one phrase to end the episode.

• 1:11:06Speaker 03

  In here, we pour whiskey. Whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You were that creature in the ginger beard! Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful.

• 1:11:19Speaker 06

  You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers, oh, hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.