Pod Insights Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast Kippy’s in Love with Foley! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley About this episode Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show!
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Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test.
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Transcript 11,340 words · 4 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 H. Foley? Merch alert, baby. Merch alert, merch alert, merch alert. The quality is going through the roof, as they say.
0:06 Speaker 01 Hookin'.
0:06 H. Foley? Gang, do yourself a favor. Get over to arugarbage.com. We got hats, we got shirts, got mugs, we got keychains.
0:12 Speaker 01 We got, we got, we got wall art, we got paintings you can buy. Go check it out. arugarbage.com, limited supply, let's do it.
0:19 H. Foley? Yeah. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is RU Garbage.
0:26 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
0:26 H. Foley? It's that little show, we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that it's a group to be classy.
0:31 Speaker 01 Yeah.
0:31 H. Foley? Except they're just a big old piece of trash.
0:33 Speaker 01 Trash, trash, trash.
0:34 H. Foley? I'm your host, Dave Trulli, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Toody's and a new addition. She's just taking a nice pole class.
0:40 Speaker 01 Okay.
0:41 H. Foley? Is that what they call them, pole class?
0:42 Speaker 01 Pole dancing.
0:43 H. Foley? Pole dancing.
0:44 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
0:44 H. Foley? She's putting one in the kitchen.
0:45 Speaker 01 I don't think she's fishing, or maybe she is.
0:49 H. Foley? Either way, she's got the moves, man.
0:51 Speaker 01 Okay.
0:51 H. Foley? She can do the Spider-Man and hang down.
0:53 Speaker 01 That gets you going?
0:53 H. Foley? Yeah.
0:54 Speaker 01 What are you, you're doing the spider, you're kissing her? You're in a wet blouse kissing her? Fucking huge pert rack.
1:01 H. Foley? That's what I'm talking about. Toody's back, baby. My cousin's coming at you from across the table, as we call a family episode.
1:08 Speaker 01 Ooh, doggy.
1:09 H. Foley? Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies, just the way we like it. He is the CEO of RU Garbage, international businessman, the brains behind the brand-new merch drop that we got going on right now. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan.
1:21 Speaker 01 What up, gang? Shout out to you. As always, thanks for tuning in. We fucking love you. Is the boots on the ground? We appreciate the support.
1:29 H. Foley? Yes.
1:29 Speaker 01 Uh, make sure you rate, view, subscribe, go to there on iTunes, if that even friggin' matters anymore. The real turkey's over there on Spotify.
1:38 H. Foley? Oh, yeah, the boys are in the charts.
1:39 Speaker 01 Boys are in the charts. Got full video available on Spotify. Uh, just go sub. Even if you're, you watch, go, even if you listen, go sub on YouTube. Let's get the numbers up, baby. We're fighting these big fucking corporations, goddamn algorithms. I don't know what the fuck we're doing.
1:53 H. Foley? How about a vote for the little guy? Medium-sized guy.
1:57 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:57 H. Foley? Big guy. 4X.
2:00 Speaker 01 Listen, the times are changing. We don't know what the fuck we're doing. We got a loop, but that guy, I mean, he's, you know.
2:05 H. Foley? He's getting older by the second. This guy's losing his touch.
2:08 Speaker 01 He was a cool young kid that, you know, now, I don't know what the fuck we're doing. They're going, "Algorithm, you got flagged, you're getting throttled." Help us, someone.
2:16 H. Foley? This guy wants us to get a gateway.
2:17 Speaker 01 Dude, you're getting it down. Um, and all the merch.
2:21 H. Foley? Brand new merch.
2:22 Speaker 01 Merch dropped last week.
2:23 H. Foley? Top quality.
2:24 Speaker 01 Okay.
2:25 H. Foley? Up to, up to 4X.
2:27 Speaker 01 Everything goes up to 4X and, uh...
2:29 H. Foley? Mugs, keychains.
2:30 Speaker 01 We got mugs, we got keychains, we got hats.
2:33 H. Foley? Cool shirts.
2:33 Speaker 01 Cool shirts, comfort colors. We're doing comfort colors.
2:36 H. Foley? Very nice.
2:37 Speaker 01 Yes.
2:37 H. Foley? But how do we sell what's on the back?
2:39 Speaker 01 Stand up and show them.
2:41 H. Foley? Check it out, gang.
2:42 Speaker 01 Talk about this pole dancing class. Let's see something. Yeah.
2:49 Speaker 01 Oh, hit him.
2:51 H. Foley? Yeah, that felt bad. Cut that! Cause it look, that was very old to me.
2:57 Speaker 01 I mean, you are a geez.
2:59 H. Foley? I am a geezer. Best shape I ever been in.
3:01 Speaker 01 Uh huh. You look great.
3:02 H. Foley? Yeah.
3:03 Speaker 01 Let me take a quick sip.
3:04 H. Foley? You don't.
3:04 Speaker 01 Let me take a quick sip for my...
3:06 H. Foley? That's a nice mug you got there.
3:07 Speaker 01 Tooties mug.
3:08 H. Foley? That's a nice mug.
3:11 H. Foley? Real ceramic!
3:14 Speaker 01 Real old juice sauce. Uh, we fucking love you. Shout out to the fucking, uh, check out the Patreon, check out it, guys, you know the fucking deal at this point. I gotta be doing this, we've been doing this for fucking six, over six years. We love yous.
3:24 H. Foley? We're out there on the road as we speak.
3:26 Speaker 01 Yeah.
3:26 H. Foley? Thanks for coming out, we love yous.
3:28 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
3:28 H. Foley? And we'll see you next week.
3:29 Speaker 01 Fucking live. Fucking Valium, just pump up the Valium, just kicked in, how you done?
3:34 H. Foley? I wanted to say this.
3:35 Speaker 01 What?
3:36 H. Foley? Now that we're kind of on the other side of it, you know, winter's kind of starting to fade away a little bit. Uh, shout out to Winters.
3:44 Speaker 01 This guy, man, you love a season.
3:46 H. Foley? I love a season.
3:47 Speaker 01 You love a season.
3:48 H. Foley? Dude, we got, I mean, I don't know about everywhere else in the country, but in northeast, we got some serious goddamn snowfall.
3:54 Speaker 01 Tumped on this year.
3:55 H. Foley? Real, like a real winter, real snow days.
3:59 Speaker 01 Yeah.
3:59 H. Foley? What's wrong?
4:00 Speaker 01 I pinched a nerve.
4:01 H. Foley? Are you kidding me?
4:02 Speaker 01 No, we're good. Just push through it.
4:03 H. Foley? You pussy.
4:04 Speaker 01 This must be these cool new shirts. It's not a, it's not a side effect of the new t-shirts, everybody.
4:11 Speaker 01 These are co- ah, finally, comfort colors, something I can lower my sho-
4:15 H. Foley? I bought a new Are You Garbage t-shirt and I got, I got carpal tunnel syndrome.
4:20 Speaker 01 Goddamn sciatica, I know.
4:22 H. Foley? You got Crane and Crane coming after us? Is that the law firm?
4:24 Speaker 01 Morgan and Morgan.
4:25 H. Foley? Morgan and Morgan, you don't want those guys.
4:27 Speaker 01 Listen, these shirts are so comfortable, I relax so much and I pinched a nerve, I got too relaxed. Too cool over here.
4:33 H. Foley? Shit my pants. I've met, have I mentioned this before that I don't like-
4:37 Speaker 01 You shit your pants?
4:38 H. Foley? No, I don't like the heated seats in the cars. Have I told you this?
4:42 Speaker 01 Nah. It gets you swamp ass.
4:43 H. Foley? And when you get out of it, you feel like, you feel like you doo-dooed in your moodoo's.
4:47 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's tough, yeah.
4:48 H. Foley? No good.
4:48 Speaker 01 There's certain nice things I'm not, I didn't know, my new car's got a heated steering wheel, hot G M.
4:53 H. Foley? That thing gets hot, yeah. It's crazy.
4:55 Speaker 01 I don't know what's going on. I, nice stuff isn't for me, I'm not cut out for it. I bought it because of safety.
5:00 H. Foley? I like, this is what you do, you get in a-
5:01 Speaker 01 Got a roll cage in it.
5:03 H. Foley? Does it?
5:04 Speaker 01 I'm driving stock car.
5:05 H. Foley? Showing the bar?
5:07 Speaker 01 I'm in a dune buggy, got the baby in the back, got goggles on.
5:11 H. Foley? There's no passenger seat?
5:13 Speaker 01 I bought American.
5:14 H. Foley? Just a noz tank, noz tank?
5:16 Speaker 01 Noz.
5:17 H. Foley? You bought American, is it made in America?
5:20 Speaker 01 We'll be right back. No, but these shirts are, I'm not even sure about that. They're printed in America, ah!
5:25 H. Foley? There you go. What's wrong with you?
5:27 Speaker 01 It's so cool over here.
5:28 H. Foley? You sure it's not your left arm? You having a heart attack?
5:32 Speaker 01 No.
5:33 H. Foley? You sure?
5:34 Speaker 01 I wish I was with this line of questioning.
5:37 H. Foley? I just had my shit checked. I'm straight to hell. Dead man walking over here. Woo wee!
5:45 Speaker 01 But you'll look great in a catskin in your brand new, your brand new comfort colors t-shirt.
5:49 H. Foley? I need that nanotech to start catching up. Where they send the little computers in and they eat away the, uh, the, uh, cholesterol and shit? When's that coming?
5:58 Speaker 01 They all just got your face on them. Oh, bug man. You're straight to the source, high cholesterol. What do you got for me?
6:04 H. Foley? I'm just saying, man, that like, it's, it's nice when you have the seasons like that, because you know what this has led to? And I don't mean this in like a-
6:11 Speaker 01 Seasonal depression?
6:12 H. Foley? No, it's not seasonal.
6:15 Speaker 01 We're talking full bore.
6:17 H. Foley? This is all my own doing. Um-
6:20 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
6:22 H. Foley? And I just, the, the, you know?
6:26 Speaker 01 No, I don't know.
6:26 H. Foley? I, I say this in the, in the, in the, in, in the good version of this. Lot of sleeping. Getting my rest.
6:35 Speaker 01 I don't know, I mean, yeah.
6:36 H. Foley? Getting my rest.
6:37 Speaker 01 Okay, alright, this is more of a, this is more of a hard feeling.
6:40 H. Foley? I saw those Olympic people we're talking about.
6:42 Speaker 01 Hey, yeah, when you start doing fucking triple Lindys, I'll, I'll, I'll allow you to, I'll allow you to sleep till noon.
6:47 H. Foley? You talked to Breka, Huberman, uh, Atasia, the other ones, all those guys.
6:53 Speaker 01 Ronald McDonald.
6:55 H. Foley? They all say sleep is key.
6:57 Speaker 01 Okay.
6:58 H. Foley? And get, my circadian rhythm, I'm on it.
7:02 Speaker 01 Like a jazz player, babe.
7:04 H. Foley? Like Keith Moon back there.
7:06 Speaker 01 Uh, well, it's kinda funny, before we started recording, Luke asked us, did you guys have anybody in your family? Like, a whole segment of family members?
7:15 H. Foley? You mean like, like your cousins?
7:16 Speaker 01 That were, that slept in, like, oh, we're going over to the Jenkins. They're a bunch of, dude, a whole family of sleepyheads is a tough look.
7:24 H. Foley? I feel like my-
7:25 Speaker 01 It's a real tough look.
7:26 H. Foley? My one set of cousins were, except, except for, except for my Uncle Mike. But I feel like they could snooze a little bit more. There was no real snoozing at our house, cuz of Patty.
7:37 Speaker 01 Dude, I, the, the, the blue collardness in my entire family, every uncle, all the way down.
7:47 Speaker 01 They're up, they're up earlier on Saturdays.
7:50 H. Foley? Yeah.
7:51 Speaker 01 Than they are on fucking Monday through Friday. One, they either got side work, got side work, gotta go, gotta go inside work. Or if they have to work Saturday, or you gotta go, I'm gonna go in Saturday for a couple hours. They go in early to get off early. And also get out of the fucking house, you got the kids and your fucking snot-nosed wife breaking your balls. Not me personally, but a guy I know.
8:11 H. Foley? There wasn't really a lot of, uh, and, and, and when I speak of this timeframe in, in, in the Foley, um, legacy. It's really, well, from birth until college.
8:26 Speaker 01 That's a pretty, that's a pretty good chunk.
8:27 H. Foley? Then, then the relationships started to change a little bit, you know what I mean? More friendly, all that kinda stuff. But when we were like, just locked in under Patty's Gestapo regime. It was, it was, it was, uh, yeah, there, there wasn't a lot of, um, you know, sleeping in.
8:45 Speaker 01 No, uh-
8:46 H. Foley? With, with, with, without- Paying for it. You paid for it. You're sleeping in there till 10 o'clock?
8:53 Speaker 01 Yeah, you get that.
8:54 H. Foley? The pots and pans getting banged around. Things getting slammed.
8:58 Speaker 01 Man, my stepdad, cuz he couldn't really tell me what to do. And as you know, I had a little bit of an attitude problem. Especially with authority figures. Rest in peace Buck. We love ya. But there was times when, you know what I mean, I'm a fucking jerk off 18-year-old, I'm hungover. Fat. Fat. Eight, you know, Saturday morning, whatever.
9:21 H. Foley? Shitty haircut.
9:22 Speaker 01 I used to pass him coming home. And he's going to work. 5:15 a.m. and stuff. Dude. The look I would get is we drove past each other like a cop and a criminal. Ooh, two ships in the night.
9:37 H. Foley? What'd you say, what's up?
9:39 Speaker 01 Yeah, you know what that?
9:41 H. Foley? Probably shaking.
9:42 Speaker 01 He's got a fucking, he already got a cup of Wawa on the heater going. Um, so there was a lot of resentment there. And I knew that, you know, Denise did it. I mean, what's she gonna do? You know what I mean? At that point she had given up. Yeah, kid's a deadbeat. What do you want from me, huh?
9:58 H. Foley? I mean, what 18-year-old kid isn't doing that shit, though? I don't know about now.
10:03 Speaker 01 Yeah, you're not, you're not, you're not linked in with the 18-year-olds?
10:05 H. Foley? Nah. I think they sleep in, though.
10:08 Speaker 01 I remember sleeping over my buddy-
10:09 H. Foley? Your bones are growing.
10:11 Speaker 01 Yeah, you gotta. I remember sleeping over my buddy Matt's house one time. He was probably eight, seven, something like that. And his fa- I mean, I woke up, you know, I don't know, 7 o'clock.
10:18 H. Foley? That sucks.
10:19 Speaker 01 His fucking kid might as well slept till noon. I'm gonna hoop, hoop! Ahem, ahem!
10:26 H. Foley? Trying to get a bowl of mini wigs.
10:27 Speaker 01 Dude, I'm fucking, I got, I got bacon, egg, and cheese. I got an omelet on the brain. I'm rolling around.
10:31 H. Foley? You just gotta leave.
10:32 Speaker 01 Yeah, it sucked.
10:34 H. Foley? Yeah, my cousin Paul sleeps in something like that. He'd get away with it, too. He could sleep in. We weren't allowed to sleep in. That'd be hell to pay.
10:43 Speaker 01 Sure.
10:44 H. Foley? Yeah.
10:45 Speaker 01 Yeah, I mean, I was, we were very ungoverned. My mom would be working or whatever. We were, I mean, we were, you know, the inmates were running the asylum for, for a good amount of, uh-
10:54 H. Foley? It's just nice. You feel bad about, like, wasting your life, but snoozing, man.
11:00 H. Foley? There ain't nothing like sleeping. Just lost it, another curled up.
11:04 Speaker 01 Sure.
11:05 H. Foley? I just shut the whole situation out. And imagine my, my apartment is just floating through space.
11:12 H. Foley? Just floating over, over New York.
11:14 Speaker 01 This episode's sponsored by Lexapro.
11:16 H. Foley? Nobody could get to me. You know what I'm saying?
11:18 Speaker 02 I got you.
11:18 H. Foley? You know it. Shit. You had a little bit of snow or some rain? And now you can, you can supplement that with those rain machines.
11:27 Speaker 01 What, like in the movies?
11:28 H. Foley? What do you mean?
11:29 Speaker 01 They make you, you got raining in your goddamn apartment? You're gonna lose the security deposit.
11:34 H. Foley? The sound.
11:34 Speaker 01 Sure.
11:35 H. Foley? Love that.
11:36 Speaker 01 You're like the baby.
11:37 H. Foley? Oh, I got a nice storm going.
11:38 Speaker 01 Nice pacifier going.
11:40 H. Foley? You could pick the storm too. I put Katrina on.
11:43 Speaker 01 I do Hurricane Irene. I like a deeper cut. Lot of, lot of people go Katrina.
11:49 H. Foley? Throw on Hurricane Andrew and fucking call it a day.
11:52 Speaker 01 Sure.
11:53 H. Foley? Yeah. Mount St. Helens exploding.
11:56 Speaker 01 People cry. That's how you sleep the natural disasters. Fucking twisters and shit. You got Pearl Harbor going.
12:07 Speaker 01 Um, one thing I wanted to talk to you, this is, this is-
12:10 H. Foley? Go ahead, tell me.
12:11 Speaker 01 Uh, this is like two, two weeks ago, maybe at this point.
12:14 H. Foley? It's a nice looking mug you got over there.
12:15 Speaker 01 Thanks.
12:15 H. Foley? What are you drinking out of that, by the way?
12:17 Speaker 01 Green tea, but it ain't great.
12:19 H. Foley? It tastes like coffee.
12:20 Speaker 01 It's a little muddy.
12:21 H. Foley? Yeah. We still haven't upgraded our fucking shit over there.
12:24 Speaker 01 We, I was, uh-
12:25 H. Foley? Mr. Businessman. You got, I'm getting fucking plastics in me. I'm, I'm an old man, goddammit. You gotta start treating me that way. Hey, by the way-
12:33 Speaker 01 I put you in a home.
12:34 H. Foley? When can I start doing like ARP and stuff like that?
12:37 Speaker 01 What's that, a new drug you found? Like all, all fucking hopped up on ARP?
12:43 Speaker 01 I, I need a, let me get a ten bag of ARP.
12:46 H. Foley? Little FDIC?
12:49 H. Foley? What do I got now that I'm 50?
12:52 Speaker 02 You just have to be plus 50.
12:53 H. Foley? To get what?
12:54 Speaker 02 Uh-
12:55 Speaker 01 Hey, what the fuck, you ain't saving nickel to moves? What the fuck?
12:58 H. Foley? Yeah, I do. And I want a free meal at fucking TGI Fridays.
13:02 Speaker 02 It costs you $16 a year to be a member.
13:04 H. Foley? Of what? What is it?
13:05 Speaker 01 You ain't got it.
13:06 Speaker 02 ARP.
13:07 H. Foley? What's, what is, what is that?
13:11 Speaker 01 Old motherfucker. You senile dog.
13:13 Speaker 02 Younger members gain access to most discounts, including travel, hotels and entertainment.
13:18 H. Foley? That's sick.
13:19 Speaker 01 Go see Frankie Valli. He's just an old motherfucker.
13:24 H. Foley? See, that's what I need to do, man. Now that I need to start going up, not down.
13:28 Speaker 01 You were just talking about how nice it is to sleep.
13:30 H. Foley? Yeah.
13:31 Speaker 01 And so you really gotta shift gears.
13:32 H. Foley? I know. I mean, I need to start, I, I need to start attacking the older generation, not go-
13:38 Speaker 01 But you're a young bull compared to them. You're an old cow to me, but you're a young bull to them.
13:42 H. Foley? Yeah.
13:43 Speaker 01 You got a little bit of, little bit of fame.
13:44 H. Foley? I get in one of those 55 older communities, I can't-
13:47 Speaker 01 Why don't you do that? Didn't one Patreon, we look up places for you? You'd be fucking killing it, dog. Be down there signing autographs at the clubhouse. Could do it.
13:57 H. Foley? Could.
13:58 Speaker 01 Go for it.
13:59 H. Foley? And I j'etwa with like Vietnam vets and shit.
14:01 Speaker 01 Yeah, I would.
14:04 H. Foley? With the couples, you know?
14:07 Speaker 01 Oh, you're the, you're the bull they're bringing in? You're the stud? Ah, man, that's a jammed up couple if they're calling you to, as the closer. God damn.
14:19 H. Foley? Where can I plug in my CPAP?
14:21 Speaker 01 Is it cool if I sleep over? I, I don't wanna, I don't wanna assume. Is it cool if I crash here? I'm a little old school.
14:28 Speaker 01 I don't wanna feel like a whore.
14:33 Speaker 01 Big in my family, uh, Philadelphia Athletics are big, right? Go Birds, go Phils. Even on a lower level, we're a real big Philadelphia Catholic League. Family.
14:48 H. Foley? Okay.
14:50 Speaker 01 And I guess it was whatever, 10 days-
14:51 H. Foley? We're not, you're talking about like Newman Roman Catholic.
14:54 Speaker 01 Newman Goretty, Arch, yeah, Wood.
14:57 H. Foley? Wait, Maria Goretty?
14:58 Speaker 01 Who?
14:58 H. Foley? Maria Goretty? Who's Goretty?
15:01 Speaker 01 Isn't that the name of the, yeah, Newman Goretty?
15:03 H. Foley? Oh.
15:04 Speaker 01 Is the, is the-
15:05 H. Foley? Yes, Newman Goretty. I think that's, they combined the schools. It was Newman and then the girl's school was Maria Goretty.
15:11 Speaker 01 That makes sense. Maria Goretty sounds like a who we-
15:15 H. Foley? It's funny you mention that. She was not.
15:18 H. Foley? She wouldn't-
15:18 Speaker 01 They have no shit. They named a school after them. They're gonna name a school after a whore. What meds are you on?
15:24 H. Foley? Quite the opposite. She's a saint.
15:27 Speaker 01 Yeah, I got that. It's a Catholic school.
15:29 H. Foley? And she held out. Look up the story of Maria Goretty.
15:31 Speaker 02 One of the youngest saints to be canonized. Italian virgin martyr.
15:35 H. Foley? Yes. She wouldn't give it up. She let them kill her, kill her.
15:40 Speaker 01 Yeah, okay. I mean, you act like I was really... Yeah, I got you. She's a... There's a school named after her.
15:44 H. Foley? And I was just telling you.
15:45 Speaker 01 Yeah.
15:46 H. Foley? That was a fun fact.
15:47 Speaker 01 I gotta be honest with you. We got different definitions of fun.
15:52 H. Foley? The virgin martyr.
15:53 Speaker 01 Yeah, right?
15:54 Speaker 02 She died getting stabbed 14 times.
15:56 H. Foley? Yeah.
15:56 Speaker 01 Finally, still a little highlight.
16:00 H. Foley? She got cantonized.
16:02 Speaker 02 Canonized.
16:03 H. Foley? Canonized.
16:05 Speaker 01 That's where they shove her in a cannon. Fire at the end.
16:07 H. Foley? She's got them NFL Hall of Fame.
16:10 Speaker 01 Cantonized.
16:13 H. Foley? How you like that, huh, dickhead? Yeah, I know what I'm doing.
16:21 H. Foley? We weren't really in on that, but I got you.
16:23 Speaker 01 But it was recently... I have a lot of notable, notable family members in the North Catholic Hall of Fame.
16:31 H. Foley? Tom Cassidy, graduate of Archbishop Carroll.
16:37 H. Foley? Tommy C.
16:38 Speaker 01 I was gonna say something, probably gonna get us demonetized. Biggest blank award.
16:43 Speaker 02 Or Hall of Lame.
16:45 Speaker 01 Oh, man.
16:45 Speaker 02 Oh, come on. That was okay.
16:47 H. Foley? Hall of Lame?
16:48 Speaker 02 That was okay. Hall of Fame, Hall of Fame.
16:50 Speaker 01 Oh, I get it.
16:51 H. Foley? Tell Tommy you said that. I'll slap the shit out of you.
16:55 Speaker 01 But it was the... I didn't, I didn't put two and two together of what it was, and I just... My, my Instagram feed was filled with, um...
17:06 Speaker 01 The, so they do the... It's at the Palestra. Real big, the, the...
17:11 H. Foley? Where is that?
17:12 Speaker 01 It's Nova?
17:12 H. Foley? Is that over by Penn?
17:14 Speaker 01 No. Where is the Palestra? I don't even know. We never... No, yeah, the Palestra's Penn.
17:19 H. Foley? Yeah.
17:20 Speaker 01 Yeah. Maybe Penn and Drexel or just Penn, I don't know. I guess it was probably just Penn.
17:24 H. Foley? One of those real Philly dirtbag.
17:25 Speaker 01 Penn, dude, and I mean.
17:27 H. Foley? Avery DePolestra.
17:28 Speaker 01 The walls are rocking down here at DePolestra.
17:32 H. Foley? What is it, the Catholic League Championship?
17:33 Speaker 01 Catholic League Basketball Championships.
17:35 H. Foley? Oh, forget about it.
17:36 Speaker 01 Oh dude, I mean, it was, I just, it was like, it was like a hug, it was like hugging all my uncles and I'm seeing all the stories.
17:46 H. Foley? Did you go?
17:46 Speaker 01 No. What am I scouting? Did I go? I got shit to do, motherfucker.
17:53 H. Foley? What, did you just see?
17:54 Speaker 01 Yeah, it was just, it was like, I didn't know what it was. I saw, oh my god, what is that, what is that? And then, as I start seeing like all my cousins, everybody, I mean, that's like the fucking, you get a ticket to that, that's the.
18:05 H. Foley? Yeah, you gotta go to that.
18:06 Speaker 01 That's the who's who.
18:07 H. Foley? You should go to that shit next year.
18:07 Speaker 01 Oh, let's go next year.
18:08 H. Foley? Get in on that stuff.
18:09 Speaker 01 Probably, probably sign a couple basketballs or something.
18:11 H. Foley? Ah, I love that.
18:14 Speaker 01 Get posterized.
18:15 H. Foley? I like the Catholic.
18:16 Speaker 01 Who won this year? To begin to the PL, the PCL champs.
18:23 Speaker 01 Cause we were, a lot of my family went to, to North Catholic. My dad went to Roman Catholic. Uh, but then I think North Catholic, North, North is closed at this point.
18:34 Speaker 02 Father Judge repeated.
18:35 Speaker 01 Woo.
18:35 Speaker 02 Defeating Archbishop.
18:37 Speaker 01 Archbishop what? Wood?
18:38 Speaker 02 Wood.
18:39 H. Foley? Ooh.
18:39 Speaker 01 As they're on a bad kids went where I was from, they get kicked out of Council Rock, they end up there.
18:43 H. Foley? Where'd Roan go? Did he go somewhere down there? I feel like Roan would be like a Catholic school kid.
18:47 Speaker 01 I think Roan, yeah, Roan went to, Roan was a Catholic school kid, Philly Catholic school. That, I mean, that was, that was big. That's still like, ah, he's a judge kid. If you, if like one of the cousins, one of the girl cousins brings a boyfriend around, right away, it's where'd he go to high school, where'd your parents go to high school? And is he a good soccer player? That's like, right away, what position, I seen him, kid ain't got it. That's it. It's like a fucking scouting report.
19:14 H. Foley? Yeah, we had no connections. I was all burbs.
19:17 Speaker 01 I, I, yeah.
19:18 H. Foley? True burbs, baby.
19:20 Speaker 01 There you go.
19:21 H. Foley? I like a stocks pound cake every once in a while. Go down to Philly, go to fucking Ralph's or Mary's, get some pizza.
19:27 Speaker 01 Okay.
19:28 H. Foley? You know what I mean?
19:29 Speaker 01 No one's questioning, no one's, you're not in jail, no one's checking your paperwork, dude.
19:35 Speaker 01 Rowan attended St. Joe's Prep.
19:36 H. Foley? Ooh, very nice.
19:39 Speaker 01 Very nice.
19:40 H. Foley? The prep, or the, uh, what's that called? The private school league? Uh, interact.
19:45 Speaker 01 Is that what interact is?
19:46 H. Foley? I believe so.
19:47 Speaker 01 I would be hearing that. My aunt worked at the prep for a long time as administrative to get my, to get the kids through. That was, that's a big dirtbag private school hack.
19:59 H. Foley? Kip, it's like about BlueChew.
20:00 Speaker 01 BlueChew.
20:02 H. Foley? Now, you know what I'm talking about when I say BlueChew, don't you?
20:05 Speaker 01 Not me personally, but a guy, a good, a very good, close, personal friend of mine says it's, put it to the headboard.
20:14 H. Foley? Let's just say if Kippy was pasta, he wouldn't be exactly al dente, if you know what I mean. Little bit of an overcooked penne, if you know what I'm saying.
20:22 Speaker 01 Some would, some would say a rigatoni.
20:25 Speaker 01 Little joder.
20:27 H. Foley? And gang, listen.
20:28 Speaker 01 Oh, corkscrew, John.
20:29 H. Foley? When you get older.
20:30 Speaker 01 And overweight.
20:31 H. Foley? Yeah, it's, it's not all dunking basketballs and, uh, you know, throwing footballs and stuff.
20:35 Speaker 01 Sometimes you gotta shoot underhand, if you catch my drift.
20:38 H. Foley? So you need a little help in the boudoir, we all do. You get a little BlueChew, you get yourself straightened out, you're happy, she's happy. How you doing?
20:45 Speaker 01 Yeah, they got BlueChew Gold now. It's the newest innovation from the number one chewable ED brand. You know, you love it. This ain't your grandpa's little blue pill. It's the four-in-one beast that's setting the gold standard for performance. They got two ingredients for blood flow to keep that thing pumping. Plus, mixed with epimorphine and oxytocin to turn up the arousal and connection in your brain and in your body.
21:05 H. Foley? Let's go.
21:05 Speaker 01 Uh, make life easier by getting harder and discover all your options at BlueChew.com. Right now, they got a special deal for AYG listeners. You get 10% off your first month of BlueChew Gold with the code garbage. That's promo code garbage, you know it. Visit BlueChew.com for more details and important safety information. We thank BlueChew for sponsoring the podcast.
21:23 H. Foley? Of course. Gang, we got a brand new merch alert and we've kicked it up a notch, baby.
21:28 Speaker 01 Achi machi.
21:29 H. Foley? Kippy, show them.
21:30 Speaker 01 We got hats, boom, hit them with the AYG hat.
21:32 H. Foley? Look at that AYG hat, quality.
21:33 Speaker 01 We got a classic Bernie's dad hat.
21:36 H. Foley? We got comfort colors tees.
21:37 Speaker 01 Upgraded to tees, heavyweight tees for heavy white boys. We got Uncle Henry's menswear. We got Kippy's racing t-shirts.
21:46 H. Foley? Kippy's racing tees.
21:47 Speaker 01 We got the, uh, Bass Pro Shop knockoff. No big deal, how you doing?
21:52 H. Foley? We got the Palm Breakfast Spot.
21:54 Speaker 01 Ooh.
21:54 H. Foley? Look at that.
21:55 Speaker 01 And then.
21:56 H. Foley? Front and backs, gang.
21:57 Speaker 01 And then get it for St. Patty's Day, limited run, Kiss Me I'm Trash shirt, give it to it. Give it to a classy broad near you.
22:02 H. Foley? That's real as you.
22:04 Speaker 01 AreYouGarbage.com.
22:05 H. Foley? Kim, let's talk about Chime.
22:06 Speaker 01 Chime.
22:08 H. Foley? As you know, baby, life comes at you pretty quick.
22:10 Speaker 01 You ain't lying, big man.
22:11 H. Foley? Things start adding up.
22:12 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
22:12 H. Foley? You know what I'm saying? I wish I could go back and tell my younger self, if you're gonna do a little banking, make sure you save your money, make sure you do it right, watch out for bank fees, all that kinda stuff. I'll tell you what I really wish, I could go back and say, hey, I wish I had Chime.
22:27 Speaker 01 I know. Listen, if you're out there, this is where Chime comes in. Chime is changing the way people bank. It's hard, listen, it's hard enough to keep a buck as it is. Then you got these big corporate banks coming after ya.
22:40 H. Foley? Overdraft fees.
22:41 Speaker 01 Overdraft fee, uh, monthly statement, that eh, oh, oh, five, five dollars for this, ten dollars for that. They got their hand in your pocket. Not with Chime. Chime offers the most rewarding fee-free banking, all with no overdraft fees, no monthly fees, no minimum balances. You get 5% cash back on the Chime card in a category of your choice, like gas or groceries, all while building credit through regular, everyday spending. And if you're ever in a pinch, SpotMe lets you overdraft up to $200 fee-free. Look at that. I know, I need that, dog. Uh, right now, you can join the millions that are already banking fee-free with America's number one choice for banking. Head to chime.com/garbage, that's chime.com/garbage. Sign up now, it only takes a few minutes.
23:22 H. Foley? Do it.
23:23 Speaker 03 Chime is a fintech, not a bank. Banking services and Chime card provided by Chime's bank partners. Qualifying direct deposits required. Terms and limits apply. Go to chime.com/disclosures for details.
23:35 H. Foley? There is a lot of coin down here in Philly on the low, in that like private school sector.
23:40 Speaker 01 I don't get any. I never, I never knew where they were. I never knew nothing.
23:44 H. Foley? Lot of old money down there.
23:45 Speaker 01 Sure.
23:46 H. Foley? Unisys, United Healthcare.
23:49 Speaker 01 UNICEF?
23:49 H. Foley? Unisys.
23:50 Speaker 01 Maybe if UNICEF opened a podcast.
23:52 H. Foley? You don't know Unisys is?
23:54 Speaker 01 No.
23:54 H. Foley? You don't know Unisys?
23:56 Speaker 01 I don't know what you're saying.
23:57 H. Foley? It's a computer company, Unisys.
23:59 Speaker 01 Okay.
24:00 H. Foley? It was huge in, down, down in that area. They did a big operation down there for years.
24:04 Speaker 01 What, am I on the Board of Commerce? What year was this?
24:06 H. Foley? I can't work there. I don't know, eighties, nineties, early two thousands. Unisys. I bet you a lot of people know Unisys.
24:12 Speaker 01 Are you getting a check this week from them?
24:13 H. Foley? Unisys.
24:16 Speaker 01 They're going, "What the fuck? He's saying it wrong."
24:18 H. Foley? No, I'm not.
24:19 Speaker 01 They're boxing the playback.
24:19 H. Foley? Google unisys.
24:20 Speaker 01 I believe you.
24:20 Speaker 02 You gotta be Googling a lot. You don't have to interact schools?
24:23 H. Foley? Alright, we'll start there. Nah, fuck that. Give me unisys. I got money on the table here.
24:27 Speaker 01 Fuck all this. We got a goddamn family episode on our end.
24:29 H. Foley? I wanna know unisys, though.
24:31 Speaker 02 How do you spell that?
24:32 H. Foley? U-N-I-S-Y-S. Unisys. I can't believe you don't know unisys. There used to be Sperry, back in the day.
24:41 Speaker 01 The shoes?
24:41 H. Foley? No.
24:42 Speaker 01 Sperry Boach. I remember I learned about those in college. I said, "I got my Sperry's."
24:46 H. Foley? I might do Doc Ciders this summer. Doc Ciders.
24:49 Speaker 01 Is that a new cocktail or something? I'm all fucked up on Doc Ciders, dog.
24:55 H. Foley? Doc Ciders and shooters. Doc Ciders and land sharks.
24:58 Speaker 02 What do you got? I just got the Global IT Services.
25:01 H. Foley? Yes, that's it.
25:02 Speaker 02 Okay.
25:02 H. Foley? Global IT Services.
25:04 Speaker 01 Okay.
25:05 Speaker 02 And solutions company.
25:06 H. Foley? What's it say?
25:08 Speaker 01 About what?
25:09 Speaker 02 Founded in 1986, based in Blue Bell, PA, specializing-
25:13 Speaker 01 I know what sent you that.
25:16 H. Foley? See what I'm saying?
25:17 Speaker 01 Uh-huh.
25:18 H. Foley? A lot of cash down there.
25:19 Speaker 01 Sure.
25:20 H. Foley? I missed out on it, but still.
25:21 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm. Remember, he took me to that label company.
25:25 H. Foley? Yeah, a lot of money.
25:26 Speaker 01 He walked me into this company like that. He's like-
25:30 H. Foley? You've never been around that kinda cash before. That guy was rich.
25:34 Speaker 01 It was a factory.
25:35 H. Foley? Yeah, that made all the labels for Tylenol on the east coast. And Japan.
25:41 Speaker 01 That's how fucked- that's how washed you are when you start saying specific areas. Makes all the fucking-
25:47 H. Foley? That was the biggest gig you'd ever done.
25:50 Speaker 01 Uh-huh, and you stiffed me on the check.
25:51 H. Foley? I didn't stiff shit.
25:52 Speaker 01 Yeah, you did.
25:53 H. Foley? That all worked out, didn't it?
25:55 Speaker 01 What?
25:55 H. Foley? Look at us.
25:56 Speaker 01 You stiffed me?
25:58 H. Foley? I had to screw you back then, so we could get here.
26:02 Speaker 01 So I knew you had the moxie in you.
26:06 Speaker 01 Ah, that was fucked up.
26:09 H. Foley? What are you talking about? I didn't stiff you, you got your money. I took you to fucking breakfast too, didn't I dickhead?
26:15 Speaker 01 Took that out of the pay. Nah, I'm joking, but the, the, the, the, the story behind it is Foley got a private gig.
26:23 H. Foley? Private?
26:25 Speaker 01 Not that, I mean.
26:26 H. Foley? It was a Christmas party.
26:27 Speaker 01 Is that a fa- it was a factory?
26:28 H. Foley? It was a guy who used to wait tables for you, liked me.
26:30 Speaker 01 Uh huh, I don't know, he probably didn't know you that well.
26:32 H. Foley? No.
26:34 Speaker 01 So you needed an opener, someone to go up and fall on the sword.
26:37 H. Foley? Yeah.
26:38 Speaker 01 And that.
26:38 H. Foley? A patsy if you will, a sucker, a dum-dum.
26:41 Speaker 01 Fall guy, straw man. I go up, I bomb, I'm in, I'm in a bad jacket and dirty khakis dude.
26:49 H. Foley? Everybody was.
26:51 Speaker 01 And, uh, he bumped the pay significantly. And my pay did not get bumped proportionately to the overall pay, which I understand you're, it's your collar.
27:03 H. Foley? That was it, dude, that, that was moving to New York.
27:05 Speaker 01 Uh huh, that was the last gig, that was the last chopper out of Nam for you.
27:08 H. Foley? Oof, man, was it ever.
27:11 H. Foley? Shit.
27:11 Speaker 01 You'd use that 400 again now, couldn't you?
27:16 H. Foley? Be back there this Christmas.
27:17 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm, um, alright, let's see, we got a guy starting family episode on our hand.
27:20 H. Foley? Yeah, quit screwing on your Philly talk, it's a national broadcast, talking about Philly.
27:24 Speaker 01 Looking up defunct fucking computer sales.
27:26 H. Foley? They're not defunct.
27:27 Speaker 01 Can you look up Reader Rabbit?
27:30 H. Foley? Who's Reader Rabbit?
27:30 Speaker 01 That was, that was an early computer game, my dad came home.
27:33 H. Foley? Speaking spells.
27:34 Speaker 01 With a computer to be like, get a load, and play, it was a green rabbit that like jumped over letters and I went, this is fucking stupid.
27:42 H. Foley? You were supposed to get Doom.
27:44 Speaker 01 Oh, that scared the shit, I would pee a little bit turning those corners, that big werewolf motherfucker would get you, yikes. There was still a, a lack of knowledge of the computer at that age, at that time and my age at that point where it was like.
27:58 H. Foley? I was in college.
27:59 Speaker 01 You felt like you were going to another world, I'm like dude, the lights are off, my mom's upstairs, I'm in the basement, there's creepy crawler spiders and shit. And then you're fucking, uh uh, oh, oh, no. Typing in like up, down, over, uh uh.
28:15 Speaker 01 Trying to be one of the cool kids, got called lacking, yeah, I played, getting stains in my undies.
28:22 H. Foley? Fucking skid marks.
28:25 H. Foley? Alright, let's go. You've got a damn show to do here. It's all about moving merch.
28:31 Speaker 01 Which is available.
28:32 H. Foley? Available at arigobage.com.
28:35 Speaker 01 Alright, let's see here. This one's from Casey. First time, big, first time homie, big fan. Is a garbage invite 100 people to your wedding, but only ran 85 chairs? I'm jammed up here, boys. God damn. You better hope you got a good DJ.
28:49 H. Foley? Yeah.
28:50 Speaker 01 Keeping everybody up and vibing.
28:52 H. Foley? Now, I assume that means it's buffet style.
28:55 Speaker 01 And is that an announcement you make? Like, "Hey, we gotta, you know..."
28:59 H. Foley? I think you'd be alright. Nobody actually sits down at once. 15, that's big.
29:03 Speaker 01 I think you claim your seat. I would tell my boys, "You ain't got a seat. Hover by the bar."
29:10 H. Foley? Yeah, hover by the bar. There's definitely a cocktail table or two.
29:14 Speaker 01 Yeah.
29:14 H. Foley? You know?
29:15 Speaker 01 But when you get there, you grab your, see your girl sits down. "Oh, we're over here." You throw your jacket. I mean, my jacket stays on, I gotta cover up.
29:21 H. Foley? I do, I claim my roll.
29:23 Speaker 01 What's your roll?
29:24 H. Foley? My butter and roll.
29:25 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
29:26 H. Foley? On the table. That's the first thing I do, is I get my jacket down. Make sure I got my fucking butter and my roll.
29:32 Speaker 01 Sure. That's home base.
29:34 H. Foley? That's home base, that's big. And my little, my little shooter glass of champagne.
29:38 Speaker 01 That's what I'm saying, so when you get there, you wanna be fucking, you wanna at least stake your claim. Whether you sit down or not, if you're cutting up the dance floor, if you're fucking, you know, huffing balloons in the parking lot.
29:48 H. Foley? Sure.
29:48 Speaker 01 You want, you at least need a fucking, you know, lighthouse to go to.
29:52 H. Foley? Yeah.
29:53 Speaker 01 That's a tough look, but I respect it. I, listen, tell your boys or the people you're closest with, yo.
29:59 H. Foley? Just chill.
29:59 Speaker 01 Don't give me a gift. I ain't got no fucking, you don't got a seat. Just, just fucking hover. Get the dance floor going early. Be, you know, start working it.
30:07 H. Foley? People's right there dancing while everyone else is...
30:10 Speaker 01 I always hated that. The, like, the full break on the fucking, on the wedding.
30:15 H. Foley? What do you mean?
30:16 Speaker 01 Of like, "Oh, we're dancing, then we're serving dinner."
30:18 H. Foley? I hate weddings as well, please tell me.
30:20 Speaker 01 Just that. It's like, you gotta...
30:24 Speaker 01 I don't know. I hate the formal sit-down at a wedding. It's like sucks. I hate the speeches. Hate everything about it. And we're vibing. We're partying and this guy wants to start fucking giving a PowerPoint presentation? I got shit to do.
30:39 H. Foley? Hey, I'm with you, man.
30:39 Speaker 01 I'm trying to close some ass out here.
30:41 H. Foley? Preaching to the choir, dog. Weddings stink.
30:44 Speaker 01 Okay, alright.
30:47 Speaker 01 Uh, alright, let's see here. Um, this one's from AnnoyedTheVoid, great name. $10 homey, never had one read. Ever attend a going-away party for someone and then whatever they were going away for fell through, so they just never left. My cousin had one because he's enlisted in the army. Long story short, he's a plumber now.
31:04 H. Foley? Damn.
31:05 Speaker 01 That's tough, man.
31:06 H. Foley? Plenty of those... On the comedy scene.
31:10 Speaker 01 Lot of those, uh, in our, in our days of full Dolphie.
31:14 H. Foley? Yeah, which we never did any of that shit.
31:16 Speaker 01 I had one.
31:17 H. Foley? You did?
31:18 Speaker 01 No, I mean, it wasn't like a going-away party. It wasn't balloons or nothing. You were in New York already.
31:24 H. Foley? Yeah.
31:24 Speaker 01 I was manning the ship down there. No, it was my, we ran the Raven Lounge.
31:27 H. Foley? Right.
31:28 Speaker 01 I was running the Raven Lounge. I had been abandoned by my best friend. Took the last 50 bucks and hit the bricks.
31:33 H. Foley? Were you running the-
31:34 Speaker 01 Left me with an empty bank account.
31:35 H. Foley? Were you running the Raven, like, when you left?
31:38 Speaker 01 I think up until like the last couple of we- like-
31:41 H. Foley? No kidding?
31:41 Speaker 01 Yeah, so that was, it was my last one, I'm making this up, my last one was fucking... Uh, when I moved to- my last one was June 1st. And I was moving like the next week.
31:49 H. Foley? Wow.
31:50 Speaker 01 So... Karen, the longtime bartender there-
31:53 H. Foley? Shout out to Karen.
31:54 Speaker 01 Shout out to Karen, hosted, was bartender for the, you know, the... However many years that show was ran. She posted, it's Kevin Ryan's last night, so it became like a little bit of a-
32:02 H. Foley? Ah.
32:02 Speaker 01 A little bit of a going-away party. Uh, but yeah, people would go, "I'm moving here, I'm moving there, big party, big party there, big party here." "Oh, it's so-and-so's last thing," and then-
32:12 H. Foley? Two weeks later, they're back.
32:13 Speaker 01 Fucking three weeks later, they show up. "Can I put my name on the list?" I went, "Not too muchy."
32:18 H. Foley? Not so easy in the big city, is it?
32:20 Speaker 01 I'd have to quit. I wouldn't have, I'd move to another... Smaller scene.
32:24 H. Foley? Grown men crying on the subway?
32:26 Speaker 01 Start hitting Baltimore or something. You know what I mean? See what the, see what the, see what the mics are like in Pittsburgh.
32:32 H. Foley? Be out there at Scoogies.
32:33 Speaker 01 Uh, shout out Scoogies, by the way. Which, someone said we did a, uh, we have a big custom Monopoly bar. Someone said it's a shame Scoogies-
32:40 H. Foley? Oh, we didn't have Scoogies on there.
32:42 Speaker 01 Scoogies didn't make the Monopoly bar.
32:43 H. Foley? Fuck!
32:44 Speaker 01 We had the Raven, we had this, we had that, we had all these things that are parts of our lives-
32:48 H. Foley? Yeah.
32:49 Speaker 01 And Scoogies didn't get there.
32:50 H. Foley? Scoogies too classy of an operation.
32:51 Speaker 01 My family goes there all the time now. All the time they're there.
32:55 H. Foley? Get the Torre Italy out there is what you do.
32:56 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
32:57 H. Foley? And the peanut butter pie, which is delicious.
33:00 Speaker 01 Sure.
33:00 H. Foley? Shout out to Scoogies.
33:01 Speaker 01 Shitty. Um, alright, let's see here. Um, this one's from All the Toast. Ever Google a word spelling because you were so off base autocorrect couldn't figure it out?
33:12 H. Foley? Yes.
33:13 Speaker 01 All the time. I was trying to spell connoisseur. Tough one.
33:17 H. Foley? Brutal.
33:17 Speaker 01 Real tough. Different language though, I'll give you that. That's a French fucking word, you should've known that. Um, that I'm a connoisseur about which companies have the best tortilla chip salt distribution. Which, dirtbag use, dirtbag, uh, expert area of expertise.
33:33 H. Foley? Decision gets me all the time.
33:35 Speaker 01 Restaurant. I mean, it's the old Patrice bit. I'll never get restaurant. I will never get it.
33:41 H. Foley? Business too.
33:42 Speaker 02 Business is mine.
33:43 Speaker 01 That's crazy. We're all, the three of us are business partners.
33:46 Speaker 02 The S and the I, get me.
33:47 Speaker 01 Oh my god.
33:48 H. Foley? B U I S, right?
33:51 Speaker 02 I don't ask me, man.
33:52 H. Foley? When autocorrect-
33:53 Speaker 01 And you wonder why we can't get to the next level.
33:55 H. Foley? I mean, I've been using the computer a lot more, I've been using the computer more than I've ever have lately. Let's say that.
34:01 Speaker 01 What'd you get, a Pornhub password or something?
34:03 H. Foley? And the, um-
34:04 Speaker 01 Which, that was a real dirtbag thing back in the day, I don't know if you would do that.
34:07 H. Foley? What?
34:08 Speaker 01 Are your boys when, uh, what was it, Bang Bros?
34:11 Speaker 02 Brazzers.
34:11 Speaker 01 Brazzers. We had a kid who was in like internet-
34:15 H. Foley? Brazzers is free!
34:16 Speaker 01 He was in like internet marketing and he would lace us, he would post on our wall, real shady on your birthday, a new password, a new username and password.
34:26 H. Foley? Huh.
34:28 Speaker 01 At every, that thing made its rounds. That was like an early Netflix login, dude. That was on every device.
34:35 H. Foley? Nah, I never did that.
34:37 Speaker 01 Okay.
34:39 Speaker 01 More at 7.
34:42 Speaker 01 I can't get a read on you today. No, I did not do that.
34:47 H. Foley? Nah, I stick with the free stuff.
34:49 Speaker 01 Okay.
34:50 H. Foley? You know.
34:51 Speaker 01 I got you.
34:52 H. Foley? Unless you heard differently.
34:54 Speaker 01 Unless you have my credit card transactions.
34:56 H. Foley? Wednesday, too. I can't spell that.
34:59 Speaker 01 Get me jammed up. You can spell anal up.
35:02 H. Foley? You goddamn right.
35:06 Speaker 01 Yeah, I, uh, to live in his connoisseur world for a minute, um, I would, what, my favorite, I'm the old, I'm a Scoops guy.
35:19 H. Foley? You talking about tortilla chips?
35:20 Speaker 01 Yeah, I don't think there's anything better
35:22 H. Foley? I'll tell you who
35:23 Speaker 01 than Scoops. I love an old G big triangle, but you don't get the distribution.
35:28 H. Foley? Triangle?
35:29 Speaker 01 Like the big fucking triangle, John.
35:31 H. Foley? Oh, yeah.
35:32 Speaker 01 You know, this most standard cartoon tortilla chip. I don't know where, what, I lost you on that.
35:37 H. Foley? You mean the real big ones?
35:40 Speaker 01 Yeah, the big triangle.
35:41 H. Foley? Yeah, they're too flimsy.
35:43 Speaker 01 I just said that.
35:44 H. Foley? Yeah, they're too flimsy.
35:44 Speaker 01 Are you on a podcast?
35:45 H. Foley? And they break apart.
35:46 Speaker 01 Yeah.
35:47 H. Foley? What works the best is the round one, little round bangers.
35:50 Speaker 01 They're, that's like a, that's a flat scoop, which I get, I like those too.
35:54 H. Foley? I like those.
35:55 Speaker 01 You know, sorry.
35:55 H. Foley? And I was gonna say, you know who fuck, you know who fucks their chips up is fucking Chipotle.
35:59 Speaker 01 They're a little thin little bitches.
36:01 H. Foley? No, there's just, there's too much fucking salt on them. What are you doing?
36:04 Speaker 01 That's not a problem to me. You know what ones are good, which I, I assume it's just real trashy, like RMR, food, whatever, the fucking yellow circles.
36:15 H. Foley? Yeah.
36:15 Speaker 01 Those things, man, you could stand on them, you could put chili on them, you could put cheese on them.
36:19 H. Foley? A heavy bite.
36:20 Speaker 01 Man, those, and they're all, they all look the same.
36:23 H. Foley? Yeah.
36:23 Speaker 01 They don't come out ob, like, there's a machine just pressing them things. They're the ones I think you get at Seven, they're the 7-Eleven chips.
36:29 H. Foley? Yeah.
36:30 Speaker 01 They're the movie chips, if you get notches at a movie or a ballgame.
36:33 H. Foley? Tostitos makes them.
36:34 Speaker 01 Really?
36:35 H. Foley? Yeah.
36:35 Speaker 02 Oh, they do?
36:36 H. Foley? Yeah.
36:37 Speaker 01 No shit?
36:37 H. Foley? They were the original tortilla, cause Gene Shalit used to do the commercials for them. You know who Gene Shalit is?
36:43 Speaker 01 No, I'm sure if I did.
36:45 H. Foley? He was an old movie reviewer. He had that handlebar, black handlebar mustache. He was real crazy. Real hairy.
36:51 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
36:52 H. Foley? Yeah.
36:52 Speaker 01 I never knew what he did.
36:53 H. Foley? Yeah.
36:54 Speaker 01 Fucking whack it off my screen there, guy. Um, oh, thick and hearty. Now, that can't be them. I don't know.
37:03 H. Foley? They were the originals.
37:04 Speaker 02 The ones that suck, I might get pushed back, the Exochittle or something, the fancy bag.
37:10 Speaker 01 The fancy bag.
37:11 Speaker 02 The fancy ones.
37:12 Speaker 01 Isn't that a cheese or a town? It's not, it's Exochittle. That's how the dirtbag would say it.
37:17 H. Foley? Are they in a brown paper bag?
37:19 Speaker 02 Yes.
37:19 H. Foley? Yeah, fuck that.
37:20 Speaker 01 And like, do you remember you'd go over, I think it was Flip's, like, I'd go to like Flip's house when I'd be in Philly, and that would be on top of the fridge, and I'm like, you're just trying to show off with your fucking chips. You're not better than me, okay? First of all, you're not better than me.
37:34 H. Foley? Yeah.
37:34 Speaker 01 Second of all, shout out to Newman Guretti for coming in second this year.
37:40 Speaker 01 No, yeah, you're just like that, I don't, I don't have the confidence to buy those. I don't know who thinks that's okay to buy. You get the Tostitos. There's a reason we don't know how to pronounce that name.
37:53 H. Foley? Little hint of lime ain't too bad either.
37:55 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, it is. Man, I gotta be honest with you, they're really honing in on the hint of lime.
38:00 H. Foley? Sure.
38:01 Speaker 01 And I'm not saying it because they're a sponsor. That garage beer is perfectly,
38:04 H. Foley? It's good.
38:05 Speaker 01 perfectly dabbed with a lime. Perfectly.
38:07 H. Foley? I like a little hint of lime. You know what a hint of lime ain't bad in? Coca-Cola.
38:11 Speaker 01 Sure.
38:12 H. Foley? Not bad.
38:12 Speaker 01 They got it. I'm with it. Um,
38:16 Speaker 01 there's a, there's a cheese like that too, that's that same name.
38:19 Speaker 02 Awaka or something.
38:20 Speaker 01 Yeah.
38:20 Speaker 02 I just had to buy some, that's why.
38:22 H. Foley? Awaka cheese?
38:23 Speaker 02 Yeah.
38:23 Speaker 01 See if you can get the name, the pronunciation of that, of those chips, the Exchadles, Ex Machina's as I call them. Which, I don't know if you've seen Flick.
38:32 H. Foley? I've seen Flick with Oscar Isaac and the chick.
38:34 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
38:35 H. Foley? She's a robot.
38:36 Speaker 01 You just ruined the movie. Spoiler alert.
38:38 H. Foley? Wasn't a sex robot.
38:39 Speaker 01 Hey, Gene Shalit, you just ruined the fucking movie.
38:44 Speaker 01 Um, okay, let's see here.
38:47 H. Foley? Hit me.
38:48 Speaker 01 Uh...
38:48 Speaker 02 Oh my god.
38:49 Speaker 01 What?
38:49 Speaker 02 What? Sauchel?
38:51 Speaker 01 Yeah, I mean, it's definitely not X.
38:53 H. Foley? Let me see it.
38:53 Speaker 02 It's S-O-W-C-H-E-E-L is the phonetic.
38:56 H. Foley? Let me see it, I'll show you how to spell it.
38:58 Speaker 01 We know how to spell it.
38:59 H. Foley? I'll know how to tell you how to pronounce it. Let me see it. Show me. Show you idiots. What, do we got squirrels out there? What the hell's going on?
39:10 Speaker 01 Here.
39:12 H. Foley? Oh, I don't know that.
39:13 Speaker 01 Yeah, no shit, bozo.
39:16 Speaker 03 Sochil.
39:16 Speaker 01 Sochil?
39:17 Speaker 02 Sochil.
39:18 H. Foley? Sounds Japanese.
39:19 Speaker 02 It's kinda so chill, yeah.
39:21 Speaker 01 Man, these chips here are so chill.
39:22 H. Foley? Sounds Japanese.
39:23 Speaker 01 That's why I flip at them. So chill.
39:25 H. Foley? I don't remember those.
39:26 Speaker 01 What? You've never seen them?
39:27 H. Foley? No.
39:27 Speaker 01 That bag?
39:28 H. Foley? No.
39:28 Speaker 01 Really?
39:29 H. Foley? No.
39:29 Speaker 01 Okay.
39:31 H. Foley? Not my style.
39:34 Speaker 01 If you ever see, I don't know if it's 21 or, did you ever see 21 Jump Street the Movie?
39:38 H. Foley? No.
39:40 Speaker 01 Okay. Well, he takes a drug and there's like seven phases. It makes you like really silly, really happy, angry, irate, and I feel like that's this episode.
39:48 H. Foley? I don't care for that Channing Tatum.
39:51 Speaker 01 Really?
39:51 H. Foley? Yeah, that's right.
39:52 Speaker 01 Why so?
39:53 H. Foley? I don't know. Just don't like him.
39:55 Speaker 01 Huh. That's an odd take for you.
39:57 H. Foley? You think so?
39:57 Speaker 01 Good-looking guy, bounce a quarter off that thing.
39:59 H. Foley? Nah. I like Seth, uh, Jonah Hill.
40:04 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
40:05 H. Foley? Talented actor.
40:07 Speaker 01 Okay. You don't like him as a personality, you don't like his acting?
40:10 H. Foley? I don't know. Not big on Channing Tatum or, uh, the guy that plays Peacemaker. How about that?
40:15 Speaker 02 Oh, uh, John Cena?
40:17 H. Foley? Yeah, that's right.
40:18 Speaker 02 Really?
40:18 Speaker 01 I have, who the fuck?
40:19 H. Foley? They're very similar to me.
40:20 Speaker 01 Who likes John Cena? That's crazy. That's crazy to me, okay.
40:26 H. Foley? That I don't like John Cena?
40:27 Speaker 01 No, that you think they're like each other.
40:30 H. Foley? They are like, look, exactly, they can play brothers in a movie. Which I have an idea for them if they give me a call back.
40:35 Speaker 01 That's why you don't like them.
40:38 H. Foley? Course I like Channing Tatum. I heard that movie's really good with him and the, uh, stuck upstairs in the roof.
40:45 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
40:45 H. Foley? Yeah. Heard it's very different from what the marketing is.
40:48 Speaker 02 Roof man.
40:49 H. Foley? Roof man. Yeah.
40:51 Speaker 01 That seems pretty, it's pretty straight, pretty straightforward marketing.
40:56 H. Foley? You don't know how to market.
40:59 H. Foley? I'm leaving.
41:03 Speaker 01 Man, Bug Man is Squirrel Man today.
41:07 H. Foley? What are you talking about?
41:08 Speaker 01 He's squirrely and I, hey buddy, I'm here for it. I am here for it, okay?
41:12 H. Foley? I'm here for it.
41:14 Speaker 01 What?
41:14 H. Foley? What?
41:16 Speaker 01 Let's get some of them chips. Fucking relax. Let's fucking, everybody just take a minute and relax in our comfort colored t-shirts.
41:24 H. Foley? Comfort colored t-shirts?
41:25 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
41:27 Speaker 01 I think some of this dye is going to my brain.
41:31 Speaker 01 Also, it's final.
41:32 H. Foley? It's running on my eyes.
41:34 Speaker 01 You're crying, boy.
41:36 H. Foley? Crying blue. That happened in a... Is this blue or black, mine? Mine's blue.
41:41 Speaker 01 It's black, man.
41:42 H. Foley? Is it?
41:42 Speaker 01 Oh my god, we got in a fight about this shirt.
41:45 H. Foley? We did?
41:46 Speaker 01 Oh my god, who won?
41:51 H. Foley? Yeah, cuz you don't know what the hell you're doing.
41:53 Speaker 01 You don't know what...
41:53 H. Foley? They had to step in here.
41:54 Speaker 01 You don't know what color it is.
41:55 H. Foley? You don't know how to move merch? I do.
41:59 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
42:00 H. Foley? Scandal.
42:01 Speaker 01 Scandals and animals.
42:04 Speaker 01 Alright, next question. What's your favorite type of tortilla chip? No, um, alright, this one's from Corporal Garbage. Just sworn into the army officially, my man.
42:15 H. Foley? Thank you, buddy.
42:16 Speaker 01 Thank you for your service.
42:17 H. Foley? Welcome to the squad.
42:18 Speaker 01 Ready to earn. Is it garbage if the Circle K puts out Sampler Nuggies? At 6 a.m., they put them out at 6 a.m., he has them. What? Huh. I don't even know what the Circle K Nuggies are look... We don't have Circle K's by us.
42:32 H. Foley? Circle K's like a 7-Eleven.
42:34 Speaker 01 I know what they are, I'm just saying, um...
42:36 H. Foley? They're putting out samples?
42:38 Speaker 01 Why isn't everybody doing that?
42:39 H. Foley? I feel like that's a mis...
42:40 Speaker 01 Lala should be doing that?
42:41 H. Foley? No, that's a mistake.
42:42 Speaker 01 In a...
42:43 H. Foley? That's how you get rats.
42:44 Speaker 01 What are you talking about?
42:45 H. Foley? That's like, nah, that's no, that's like putting, uh, old bread outside.
42:49 Speaker 01 They look like these, dude, they look like popcorn chicken.
42:51 H. Foley? You don't need a sample of Circle K Nuggies.
42:54 Speaker 01 Yes, I do.
42:55 H. Foley? To move, to move merchandise.
42:58 Speaker 01 You don't want to know what's real trashy?
43:00 H. Foley? Probably all homeless people in there.
43:01 Speaker 01 They call them nuggies.
43:03 H. Foley? Really?
43:04 Speaker 01 Circle K offers a variety of hot, grab and go food items that often include chicken bites or chicken nuggies, as their part in some locations, crispy crunchy chicken. Huh.
43:15 H. Foley? I don't know, the idea of convenience stores doing free samples seems dangerous.
43:21 Speaker 01 Let's elevate, what do you mean? That's the world we want to be living in.
43:25 H. Foley? I don't think so.
43:25 Speaker 01 We're on the road, dude, how much are we on the road? We walk in, everybody could use a little biter, maybe you're off schedule of lunch and dinner and you go, "I could use a little, just some..."
43:33 H. Foley? Yeah, but we're high-end clientele in those joints. That's not what you're gonna be attracted. You're gonna be getting homeless people, the crazies all coming in there?
43:40 Speaker 01 Yeah, but they don't, they walk on a lot they're gonna buy. You hit them with a couple of nuggies? Also, when a crazy-
43:46 H. Foley? You think they're just gonna leave?
43:47 Speaker 01 When the crazy guy comes in, you, "Oh my god, we're out of samples."
43:50 H. Foley? And do you want to be sharing a communal plate with what, with, huh?
43:54 Speaker 01 I mean, we're not like, I'm not-
43:55 H. Foley? With the booger man?
43:56 Speaker 01 We're not, they got, they got fucking jones in them.
43:59 H. Foley? Okay, Kevin.
44:02 H. Foley? Let's play it your way.
44:04 H. Foley? We'll do it. We'll go.
44:06 Speaker 01 Okay.
44:06 H. Foley? Circle K, we'll stop.
44:07 Speaker 01 Dude, the last Circle K I was in-
44:09 H. Foley? Yeah, I don't remember having a good experience there.
44:11 Speaker 01 I forget where I was. I went to get heaters, so it was probably like, it was, you know, I went to get us heaters. Cause that's if you're, you're not the guy who goes on the mission when we're both out of heaters.
44:21 H. Foley? Me?
44:22 Speaker 01 That's an anybody but you job. And you know it. "I don't know, I'm running late." Hey, you start throwing groups out, excuses out in the group text, "Nah, my ankle or I got some-
44:32 H. Foley? Well, if it's the wee hours of the evening, you're running the risk of me disappearing.
44:36 Speaker 01 Very true. Catch a flight back home. End up in Reno.
44:42 H. Foley? All right, you want to send me, okay. On a night mission in a strange city? Um, with the who's who hanging out in front of the Circle K with free nuggy bites?
44:52 Speaker 01 I remember, what, dude, this Circle K, there was like multiple active altercations walking, and I walk, and they, they're like holding the door shut, or they got, there's a crazy guy barricading the door from the outside. This is how you know you got a heater problem. And I'm like, "What's going on here?"
45:09 H. Foley? Dude, I'm just getting smokes.
45:11 Speaker 01 All right, this is what- Uh, he let me in and I walk in and the people outside were like, ah, that's just Gary. You know, like not even phased. I'm like, there's a crazy guy barricading the door. And then like, he comes in and he spit. It was just like a melee where I'm like, dude, these Circle K's.
45:28 H. Foley? He was spitting?
45:28 Speaker 01 Dude, it was just like, it was literal chaotic. It was chaotic. And I'm just like, man, and they were so unfazed. I'm like, these Circle K's play by a different fucking rule.
45:37 H. Foley? Yeah, get used to it.
45:38 Speaker 01 Different rules. Remember we stopped at, we stopped at one in the Blizzard on the way home from somewhere. Remember that? We want, we had, we all had like breakfast there and we had like wings and shit we got from break. It was bad.
45:48 H. Foley? Man, what Blizzard?
45:49 Speaker 01 Remember we drove home from, I believe it was a Circle K from like, uh, Syracuse to Albany or something like that or?
45:56 H. Foley? No, not that long ago.
45:58 Speaker 01 Syracuse to Pittsburgh, I think we were driving. We got caught, we were driving home from somewhere up that way. We got stuck in a, I drove, it was during, during the snow and I kept saying, I got seven souls on board and he didn't like it.
46:08 H. Foley? Uh huh. Yeah, I remember now. You were driving?
46:13 Speaker 01 Yeah.
46:13 H. Foley? Diesel was driving.
46:14 Speaker 01 I was driving.
46:14 H. Foley? I remember Diesel driving recently in the snow.
46:18 H. Foley? Got us home.
46:19 Speaker 01 Sure, I don't remember that. Maybe you guys are doing a solo mission. It was one of those dreams where you're flying over New York City.
46:26 H. Foley? Yeah, what are you talking about?
46:27 Speaker 02 But Kippy wasn't with us.
46:29 Speaker 01 Where the hell was I?
46:30 Speaker 02 It was like after the Met show or something, I think.
46:32 Speaker 01 That makes sense.
46:33 H. Foley? Hmm. Oh yeah, it was the next day after the Met show.
46:36 Speaker 01 I stayed in Philadelphia.
46:37 H. Foley? You turned tail on the rain.
46:39 Speaker 01 I had to see my family.
46:42 H. Foley? Get your Christmas presents, whatever you're doing.
46:44 Speaker 01 I didn't do Christmas presents this year. We don't do them. I don't do well with them. Uh, but I'm all bored with that. While they do it at the mall.
46:56 Speaker 01 Right? Fucking dabble. I mean, dude, we're weary travelers coming in. I don't know your foreign, I don't know how your system works. I don't know what your nuggies are. I don't know what fresh hot bites you offer and how good they are. If I could dabble, I'm okay with that.
47:11 H. Foley? Okay.
47:11 Speaker 01 I'm not saying keep them out front by the ashtray, you know what I mean? But like, if I eat, like if you're, if you're getting a slice of cheese at a deli, Have them, hey, here you go. Toast me a nug.
47:21 H. Foley? Try it out.
47:22 Speaker 01 Let me try it out. That's all I'm saying. Can't believe I never, I can't believe we found a situation where you would be against, uh, free sand pieces.
47:31 H. Foley? I mean, I think I made my point.
47:33 Speaker 01 You're not wrong. You would, you know, you're not wrong. I think it would be a little chaotic.
47:37 H. Foley? Mm-hmm.
47:37 Speaker 01 At first, till everybody learned the system.
47:39 H. Foley? Cause I'm usually, I'm usually on edge when I go into a convenience store, especially at night. You know what I mean?
47:45 Speaker 01 Uh-huh.
47:45 H. Foley? Waiting for some action to pop off. I feel like that just, you know, that's putting out bait.
47:51 Speaker 01 You're not wrong. I mean, I don't-
47:52 H. Foley? For the possums.
47:53 Speaker 01 You're not doing it at 2 a.m.
47:55 H. Foley? Maybe you are.
47:55 Speaker 01 This is early morning.
47:57 H. Foley? Okay.
47:58 Speaker 01 Now, this is, this is for lunch crowd. You're trying to attract the reputable customer. You're not doing it 2 a.m. where you gotta order through the little fucking, smashing them, smashing nuggets through the window.
48:08 H. Foley? You dip that in a little honey mustard, please?
48:11 Speaker 01 Yeah, your hand, hand up through the bank teller, everything.
48:15 H. Foley? What do I do with the toothpick?
48:16 Speaker 01 Uh-huh. That's a thing that I feel like a lot of bodegas got rid of.
48:20 H. Foley? What?
48:21 Speaker 01 The glass anymore.
48:24 H. Foley? They're-
48:24 Speaker 01 Back when we were, when we, you know, in my neighborhood, and, you know, Philly, Philly, Philly for sure. You had the in, the right, then the left, you know, it was the, the Tetris piece to get, so you couldn't fucking, you couldn't get them.
48:36 H. Foley? Oh, yeah.
48:37 Speaker 01 Now they're, now I feel like they're open season. Some of the vape shops where I think are selling weed, they got the thing up. But that's probably to buy them a couple of minutes when the fucking alphabet boys come in.
48:48 H. Foley? Yeah.
48:50 Speaker 01 They're always real, they're always real, real fucking, they eye you up when you ask for heaters. Oh, no. And then they press a button, the fucking, the flap opens.
48:58 H. Foley? I've heard that a couple of times where they thought I was like copping down, cigarettes, never heard of them. You know, you're selling heaters. You got fucking zins and fucking vapes and shit like that, yeah. You got whatchamacallit bars, you tell me you don't got fucking heaters back there?
49:14 Speaker 01 No, I, hey, I, I concur. Um, alright, let's see here. Uh, this one's from Jacob R. "Hey, new Patreon member, first question, little risque."
49:26 H. Foley? Ooh.
49:26 Speaker 01 Little risque.
49:28 H. Foley? Alright.
49:29 Speaker 01 Are you garbage if you-
49:33 Speaker 01 J.O. to pornography on a major holiday. I'm talking Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, etc.
49:41 H. Foley? No. Take care of your business.
49:44 Speaker 01 I guess my question is, where do you find the time? In my, in my experience, it's like a Christmas-
49:49 H. Foley? Busy holiday season?
49:51 Speaker 01 Jammed up. Multiple family parties, I guess. That's all I'm saying.
49:56 H. Foley? I can see that. You go to bed Christmas Eve, slap it.
49:59 Speaker 01 That's wild. The porn, though, that's gotta be a silent night, if you catch my drift.
50:04 H. Foley? Of course.
50:05 Speaker 01 Well, this one says the porn.
50:06 H. Foley? It's always a silent night.
50:07 Speaker 01 Well, he's asking the porn.
50:09 H. Foley? It's always a silent night with the porn.
50:11 Speaker 01 I was, I get you're saying no noise. I was saying-
50:14 H. Foley? No volume?
50:14 Speaker 01 Yeah, I was saying more no, no. You don't do any volume?
50:18 H. Foley? Not if, not if I have to, not if I can't.
50:22 Speaker 01 Hey, you SEAL Team Six?
50:25 Speaker 01 This guy's, this guy's jerking, this guy's jerking all these about to fucking take Bin Laden's palace.
50:31 H. Foley? If I don't have any headphones, yeah.
50:33 Speaker 01 How nervous are you? I did, I will never connect to a Bluetooth speaker, ever in my life. Ever in my life. My wife's like, "Connect to the Bluetooth." Yeah, you shit, catch me, catch me in 24 hours, still fucking connected. I got my in-laws down at the table making schnitzel.
50:52 Speaker 01 No, thank you.
50:53 H. Foley? Dirty little boy, ain't ya?
50:54 Speaker 01 Uh, sure.
50:57 H. Foley? Yeah, I'm usually no volume.
51:00 H. Foley? Cause I, for some reason, in my brain, I feel like that no, that volume travels further.
51:07 Speaker 01 It's different noise, for sure, for sure.
51:09 H. Foley? Like, you can hear it down the hallway. Cause sometimes I'm walking down my hallway and I can hear people watching porn. Or having sex. I don't know which one.
51:18 Speaker 01 Your goddamn door's too thick, if you catch me.
51:23 Speaker 01 Help a brother out. I'm just knocking on the door looking for a little sugar.
51:27 H. Foley? Who's out here fucking? Nah, you could tell. You could tell it's porno.
51:31 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
51:32 H. Foley? That's a bad look. Kid next door to me, man, he's in there wailing on himself all the time.
51:38 Speaker 01 He's saying the same thing?
51:39 H. Foley? It's like he's got, nah, you can't hear shit on my end. It's quiet as a mouse pissing on cotton.
51:46 H. Foley? Never heard that?
51:47 Speaker 01 I did. It's weird to fucking...
51:50 H. Foley? Yeah, I always keep the, I keep the volume off.
51:53 Speaker 02 I'll get texts from people and I think they're texting me telling me like I went live on Instagram or something and I get so scared.
52:04 Speaker 02 Like the group chat's popping off and I'm like, oh fuck.
52:06 Speaker 01 Like you're, you're on AYG Live broadcasting. It's just you fucking, rrrrr, wailing on yourself?
52:12 H. Foley? Just your face?
52:13 Speaker 02 Yeah, whatever it is. Or like I tweeted a link or something. I always...
52:18 H. Foley? I always forget that there's a camera pointing at me.
52:20 Speaker 01 You gotta go right now.
52:26 H. Foley? I always forget that there's a camera pointing in your face when you're doing it.
52:29 Speaker 01 Yeah.
52:29 H. Foley? But they don't know what you're looking at.
52:31 Speaker 01 I mean, if, I think if they can hack the camera, they can get your browser history.
52:34 H. Foley? No, but I'm just saying in that moment, they don't know what you're looking at.
52:37 Speaker 01 Uh-huh.
52:37 H. Foley? You're making this face, ah.
52:39 Speaker 01 Watching a tennis match. It's a nail biter.
52:44 Speaker 01 Uh, but I do, I mean, there is something weird, speaking personally, there's something weird to taking care of business on a big holiday like that.
52:53 H. Foley? Nah, you enjoy yourself on a holiday. You wanna go in fresh, too.
52:57 Speaker 01 I like to go in fresh.
52:58 H. Foley? You don't wanna be all, you don't wanna be, you don't have your thoughts in dirty places when you're around family.
53:02 Speaker 01 I would argue that like you're the, you shouldn't be all fucking charged up talking to Nana.
53:06 H. Foley? Well, some people are. You gotta get rid of that stuff. Get the demons out.
53:10 Speaker 01 Okay.
53:11 H. Foley? You know what I'm saying? So you can, so you can think clearly.
53:16 Speaker 01 I think, okay, I would say your environment should check you to think, at least in my experience. If I'm sitting there carving a turkey, I'm not fucking, you know, I'm not rock hard.
53:25 H. Foley? Of course, because you jerked off before.
53:29 Speaker 01 Okay.
53:30 H. Foley? I get, I get what he's saying.
53:31 Speaker 01 Sure, well, he's asking, is it garbage? So I'm saying, yeah, like, I think he even knows, listen, it's impure, it does, there's something, I'm not saying, don't do it, or whatever, I'm just saying, there is something a little naughty. Yeah, extra naughty.
53:49 H. Foley? Sure.
53:50 Speaker 01 But so, to me, it's also like, I guess there's like a time period of when I'm seeing people to when I saw people. Like, I don't wanna fucking be wailing on myself to go like slapping a high five with like my-
54:01 H. Foley? Oh, no kidding?
54:03 Speaker 01 I like, I mean-
54:04 H. Foley? Oh, wow.
54:06 Speaker 01 Yeah, I like a little bit, I, I think that's-
54:08 H. Foley? We've all been in close contact immediately after-
54:13 Speaker 01 Yeah, we can hear in the hallway.
54:15 H. Foley? Performance.
54:16 Speaker 01 Sure, we're traveling together on the road, and we're business associates.
54:21 H. Foley? Yeah.
54:22 Speaker 01 It's different if I'm like, you know, around family members. I can wait 24 hours, that's what I'm saying.
54:28 H. Foley? Until when it's not Christmas Day.
54:30 Speaker 01 Till when, yeah.
54:31 H. Foley? Save it up.
54:32 Speaker 01 Boxing Day, big Boxing Day guy. Uh, but yeah, that's what I'm saying, save it up. I'm a Black Friday kinda guy. Um, uh, this one's just funny, uh, Pinto, are you garbage if your mom comes to visit you for a week and asks why you constantly have two fat guys talking shit on the television? I assume that's about us. He says, I turn on the Rob Lowe episode and change her attitude, how you doing?
54:55 H. Foley? There you go!
54:56 Speaker 01 Hey, the Rob Lowe, they're still putting up numbers for the little-
54:59 H. Foley? Shout out to him.
55:00 Speaker 01 For the fat idiots.
55:01 H. Foley? Yeah.
55:01 Speaker 01 Um, that, the Rob Lowe one is the, that's the one that non-podcast people understand the most.
55:08 H. Foley? Kid's a looker.
55:09 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
55:10 H. Foley? Worker, too.
55:11 Speaker 01 Sure.
55:13 H. Foley? Does well.
55:15 H. Foley? Better than you.
55:16 Speaker 01 He ain't jerking off on Easter, I know that much.
55:18 H. Foley? You don't need to.
55:20 Speaker 01 You don't know what he needs?
55:21 H. Foley? True. You don't know what I need.
55:23 Speaker 01 Yeah, I do.
55:23 H. Foley? No, you don't.
55:24 Speaker 01 He's pretty vocal about it. In the group chat.
55:27 H. Foley? Loving family.
55:27 Speaker 01 Sending your links by accident.
55:31 Speaker 01 Now, what would Patty say if she knew you were wailing on yourself before you're over there eating her cutlets? Or maybe that's what gets you off?
55:36 H. Foley? No, I don't do it at her house. Are you crazy? No, it's, it's, that's all shut down, down there.
55:42 Speaker 01 No way.
55:43 H. Foley? Too weird. Yeah, way. Too weird. No. Too, too Catholic repressed. Yeah, too weird.
55:50 Speaker 01 Who?
55:52 H. Foley? That. I can't do it in that environment.
55:54 Speaker 01 Are you doing it on Christmas Day?
55:56 H. Foley? Yeah, my house. My place.
55:59 Speaker 01 It's a slow Christmas. Thought there'd be more foot traffic.
56:04 H. Foley? Yeah, I was, not in the, in the literal sense. You know, in a vacuum. Yes, I get it. I get jerking off on Christmas.
56:10 Speaker 01 Put it in a vacuum? Officer Doofy.
56:13 H. Foley? Shout out to Electrolux. Um...
56:17 Speaker 01 You got the Roomba on you?
56:18 H. Foley? I knew what he was saying.
56:19 Speaker 01 Chasing it around? Uh, okay.
56:22 H. Foley? No, nowhere near down there.
56:24 Speaker 01 Okay, fair enough.
56:25 H. Foley? My mother listens to the program too.
56:28 Speaker 01 Family episodes?
56:30 H. Foley? Yes!
56:30 Speaker 01 She only does Big Guess.
56:34 Speaker 01 What's up Patty?
56:35 H. Foley? Shut up!
56:37 Speaker 01 What?
56:38 H. Foley? You're telling her I'm whacking off.
56:39 Speaker 01 No, you did.
56:40 H. Foley? I'll get in trouble. I'll get grounded. She'll be over at confession.
56:46 Speaker 01 You are a twisted kinda guy.
56:49 H. Foley? Yeah.
56:50 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
56:50 H. Foley? Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's right.
56:52 Speaker 01 In your little altar boy uniform.
56:54 H. Foley? Yeah, shut up!
56:56 Speaker 01 You get so weird.
56:57 H. Foley? Freak? Saying that weird shit to me? I'll tell my mom on ya.
57:03 Speaker 01 She spanked me too?
57:05 H. Foley? Ew. God, you make me sick. Creep. I'll turn you in.
57:11 Speaker 01 Turn you out?
57:11 H. Foley? And turn you in.
57:13 Speaker 01 To who?
57:14 H. Foley? I don't know. You're hitting on me. Freak.
57:17 Speaker 01 Which should be illegal.
57:23 H. Foley? Making me uncomfortable in my workplace. I go to HR about you. Take this whole company.
57:29 Speaker 01 Company? It's your company.
57:31 H. Foley? Well, there you go.
57:31 Speaker 01 And you dank it?
57:34 Speaker 01 Put me behind bars, how are you doing? Couple sexual passes at you?
57:37 H. Foley? Yeah, that's right.
57:37 Speaker 01 I thought we were, I was, I was just, I was just offering, I wasn't, I didn't do any, there was no weird position of power.
57:42 H. Foley? Yeah, whatever.
57:43 Speaker 01 I was just saying, "Do you like this?"
57:44 H. Foley? Exactly. You can't do that. Can't say that shit.
57:48 Speaker 01 To who?
57:48 H. Foley? To me.
57:49 Speaker 01 You're not an employee.
57:51 H. Foley? Right? I'm a man.
57:54 Speaker 01 There's two fat guys looking for love in all the wrong places. The bottom of a bottle. I've been there.
58:03 Speaker 01 Uh, alright, let's see here.
58:06 H. Foley? My tooth feels funny.
58:07 Speaker 01 Uh huh, I'll take a look at it.
58:09 H. Foley? Ew. Stop it. You're grossing me out, man.
58:13 Speaker 01 You're fucking asking for it.
58:14 H. Foley? Just fucking creep out of here. Let's get some chicks in here, too. Loosen this up a little bit. Fucking sausage fest in here. Fucking creep. Get out of here, man. Stop hitting on me, dude.
58:29 H. Foley? Jesus.
58:32 H. Foley? Right? I can't even look at him, he's making me sick.
58:34 Speaker 01 He makes you hard.
58:35 H. Foley? Gross, ew, no. Not attracted, okay?
58:40 Speaker 01 Ugh, slipping out of your seat.
58:42 H. Foley? Yeah, right. You wish.
58:44 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
58:45 H. Foley? Never.
58:47 Speaker 01 Look at me.
58:48 H. Foley? No, I'm not looking at you, man, you're fucking freak. Talking about my mom and altar boys, weird shit.
58:56 H. Foley? Fucking gross. I don't do that shit. No more. Freak.
59:01 Speaker 01 I ain't gay no more.
59:06 Speaker 01 That's gonna be the viral clip of you. "I ain't gay no more."
59:12 H. Foley? Fuck out of here. Not my type, okay? Just friends, get it through your bald head. Okay? You don't do it for me, beat it. Stop saying weird shit to me at work.
59:27 Speaker 01 Alright, next question, this is from Gary. "Do you find your co-host attractive?"
59:34 Speaker 01 Did it move at all?
59:36 H. Foley? What's up with this dude?
59:39 H. Foley? This guy's thirsty. You need to get some.
59:42 Speaker 02 My mom said I can't hang out with you guys anymore.
59:44 H. Foley? Me? What are you talking? I want to go with you.
59:47 Speaker 01 I bet you do.
59:49 H. Foley? Don't leave me here with him.
59:49 Speaker 01 You want to go all the way with him, don't you?
59:51 H. Foley? Don't leave me here with this dude.
59:52 Speaker 01 Think about the make out point or something.
59:54 H. Foley? Fucking Kippy Dahmer over here. This guy wants to put me in his soup.
1:00:02 H. Foley? Look over, you're making out with a knight.
1:00:06 H. Foley? Come on grandma, don't look in my room.
1:00:11 Speaker 01 Well, gang, I think me and you have to have some conversations off air.
1:00:15 H. Foley? About what?
1:00:16 Speaker 01 About you, you know about what.
1:00:17 H. Foley? Shut up!
1:00:18 Speaker 01 It's serious.
1:00:19 H. Foley? What are you talking about?
1:00:21 Speaker 01 It's freaking out.
1:00:22 H. Foley? About your fucking weird...
1:00:25 H. Foley? What's it called?
1:00:27 Speaker 01 What?
1:00:28 H. Foley? Huh?
1:00:29 Speaker 01 Proclivity? I'm gonna wrap it. Luke turning his lights off.
1:00:33 H. Foley? Gang, check out the new merch!
1:00:35 Speaker 01 And cut the last five minutes.
1:00:36 H. Foley? Keep an eye out for Kevin. Creeping around. Uh, we love you, we'll see you next week.
1:00:41 Speaker 01 Peace!
Previous How to Get Scammed! w/ Joe List Next Turning Up the Heat! w/ Ian Fidance Page updated October 31, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated