Rob Riggle | Club Random with Bill Maher

On this episode of Club Random, Bill Maher sits down with Rob Riggle for a conversation that moves from war and courage to relationships, politics, and the darker side of power. Riggle reflects on joining the Marines at just 19, how the experience reshaped his confidence, and how he managed to find comedy even there—along with the real difference between physical and moral courage. From there, the conversation pivots into sharp, often funny debates on capitalism vs. communism, the realities of marriage and divorce, and why love still matters even when the odds are stacked against it—before veering, naturally, into golf, where Riggle (dating a pro) breaks down the rules of the game and proves that even in a sport built on honor, there’s always a little Riggle room. And somewhere in the middle of it all, they land on a blunt truth: the people with the most power aren’t always the smartest in the room—just the ones who figured out what they can get away with… which, depending on the week, is either comforting or deeply alarming. Support our Advertisers: -High blood pressure can’t wait. Get 20% off at https://www.120life.com and use code RANDOM -Try Claude for free at https://www.claude.ai/clubrandom Subscribe to the Club Random YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/c/clubrandompodcast?sub_confirmation=1⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Watch episodes ad-free – subscribe to Bill Maher’s Substack: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://billmaher.substack.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you listen: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/ClubRandom⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Buy Club Random Merch: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://clubrandom.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices ABOUT CLUB RANDOM Bill Maher rewrites the rules of podcasting the way he did in television in this series of one on one, hour long conversations with a wide variety of unexpected guests in the undisclosed location called Club Random. There’s a whole big world out there that isn’t about politics and Bill and his guests—from Bill Burr and Jerry Seinfeld to Jordan Peterson, Quentin Tarantino and Neil DeGrasse Tyson—talk about all of it. For advertising opportunities please email: [email protected] ABOUT BILL MAHER Bill Maher was the host of “Politically Incorrect” (Comedy Central, ABC) from 1993-2002, and for the last fourteen years on HBO’s “Real Time,” Maher’s combination of unflinching honesty and big laughs have garnered him 40 Emmy nominations. Maher won his first Emmy in 2014 as executive producer for the HBO series, “VICE.” In October of 2008, this same combination was on display in Maher’s uproarious and unprecedented swipe at organized religion, “Religulous.” Maher has written five bestsellers: “True Story,” “Does Anybody Have a Problem with That? Politically Incorrect’s Greatest Hits,” “When You Ride Alone, You Ride with Bin Laden,” “New Rules: Polite Musings from a Timid Observer,” and most recently, “The New New Rules: A Funny Look at How Everybody But Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass.” FOLLOW CLUB RANDOM https://www.clubrandom.com https://www.facebook.com/Club-Random-101776489118185 https://twitter.com/clubrandom_ https://www.instagram.com/clubrandompodcast https://www.tiktok.com/@clubrandompodcast FOLLOW BILL MAHER https://www.billmaher.com https://twitter.com/billmaher https://www.instagram.com/billmaher Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

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• 1:30Bill Maher?

  While you were remodeling your backyard to make it more, you know, zen-y, we were remodeling our merch store to make it more random. We slapped our new logo on t-shirts, tie-dyes, hoodies, and hats, and all with premium printed labels. Look, I wasn't kidding. We have it, because tags are like the junk mail of clothing. All merch is available exclusively at clubrandom.com. Once again, that's clubrandom.com.

• 2:02Speaker 03

  And then some guy's not playing fast enough or whatever.

• 2:04Bill Maher?

  To my point about not a sport. If you can't get drunk while you're doing it.

• 2:11Speaker 03

  Freshman class, you know.

• 2:13Bill Maher?

  Why didn't they like you?

• 2:15Speaker 03

  I don't know if they didn't like me as much as what... Here's what...

• 2:18Bill Maher?

  They got ready to get...

• 2:21Bill Maher?

  Rob.

• 2:22Speaker 03

  Hey.

• 2:24Bill Maher?

  Sounded like Woody Woodpecker there. How are you?

• 2:27Speaker 03

  Good, man. Nice to meet you.

• 2:28Bill Maher?

  I have a funny Woody Woodpecker. Is it right there? Where is it? David Mamet.

• 2:33Speaker 03

  By the way, I love this. This made me laugh. I'll, uh...

• 2:35Bill Maher?

  You know that's real, right?

• 2:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's why I love it so much.

• 2:38Bill Maher?

  I know. And he just, uh... I, I... I'm adding to the list as of two days ago 'cause, you know, he went off on truth about me over the weekend. So there's a new one. You smell something? It's like formaldehyde or something.

• 2:59Speaker 03

  That was on me.

• 3:00Bill Maher?

  No, it wasn't like a fart. It was like a cleansing smell. But, uh, yeah. What did he call me? There's 56 insults on there that Trump called me over the years. And I, I always marvel like, how could somebody off the top of his head just come up with so many different... And now there's a new one. It's something like this jerk lightweight or something. So I'm very proud that I'm adding to my list, although...

• 3:27Speaker 03

  It's on the list.

• 3:28Bill Maher?

  Yeah. He said our dinner was a waste of time, but it wasn't to me. I'm gonna answer him at some point. Oh, my gosh. Here's Rob's book. Rob Grit, Spit, and Never Quit. With you. Yeah, you... I mean, I should first say thank you for your service. You're like a Colonel, right?

• 3:48Speaker 03

  Yes, thank you. Appreciate it.

• 3:51Bill Maher?

  Oh, no. I mean, I didn't do anything. I mean, I always have been of the opinion there's just two categories, especially for... Well, no. I mean, women fight now in the forces too. But you either went to war or you didn't. Everything else is on a scale. That, to me, is, is the absolute dividing line. There's nothing like war. There's bravery of different kinds. People have called me brave many times. In the realm I'm in, that is way less brave than actually running into a bullet.

• 4:26Speaker 03

  I... Well, yeah, there's... I agree. There's, there's physical courage. There's moral courage. But you have a lot of moral courage.

• 4:32Bill Maher?

  This... Yes, but that's not the same as war. It just isn't.

• 4:36Speaker 03

  Yeah?

• 4:37Bill Maher?

  I'm saying that as someone who's never been to war and probably would shit my pants and run away. I mean, I...

• 4:43Speaker 03

  No, you've got, you've got natural fighter instincts. I don't think you'd run away.

• 4:47Bill Maher?

  Yeah, I hope I wouldn't.

• 4:48Speaker 03

  No, you wouldn't.

• 4:49Bill Maher?

  But that's the other thing. You don't know. Unless you have been there, you don't know what you would do.

• 4:55Speaker 03

  Yeah. I do think that, I think a lot of, um, well, again, I don't want to generalize too much, but I think a lot of men, they always want to know what, what kind of medal they got. On some level, they want to know.

• 5:08Bill Maher?

  I, I have that. I, I, same thing. I, and I will never know. I mean, they don't take you at 70. I mean, they could knock-

• 5:17Speaker 03

  Try, try my leg to join.

• 5:19Bill Maher?

  They could knock down every building in New York, and they're not going to get me, I mean, to join up the next day. But, when, when did you join? How old were you?

• 5:27Speaker 03

  Um, I was a sophomore in college, I was 19.

• 5:30Bill Maher?

  19?

• 5:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:32Bill Maher?

  And why?

• 5:35Speaker 03

  Uh, you know, the simple answer was, uh, I, I did want to serve. That was something I did want to do. I didn't, I wouldn't put it as a top priority, but I wanted to serve. I always thought that in the back of my mind. I had dreams of maybe being an FBI agent. And I called the FBI, this is back when you had to call people, there was no internet. And I called the FBI, local office, and I said, "What do you guys look for?" And he said, "Well, some nice special agent had some time to kill, I guess." And I was like, "Well, we like lawyers, we like accountants." And then he goes, "Um, oh, by the way, we also, we like marine officers. We tend to hire a lot of those guys." So I said, "Oh, okay." I wasn't going to be a lawyer or accountant for sure, so I said, "Well, maybe I could do the marine thing."

• 6:19Bill Maher?

  The FBI is looking for accountants? Why? Because they're busting-

• 6:24Speaker 03

  White collar crime. I'm sure it's a big part of what they do.

• 6:27Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 6:27Speaker 03

  A lot of divisions there.

• 6:29Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 6:29Speaker 03

  So, that, that was the general thing-

• 6:32Bill Maher?

  That wasn't the way it was on the TV show, The FBI.

• 6:34Speaker 03

  Exactly. There was a lot more shoot 'em up action going on.

• 6:38Bill Maher?

  Remember, they put it in, uh, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood? It's so great that he's watching that episode.

• 6:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's what he was- That, that famous meme that, you know?

• 6:47Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 6:47Speaker 03

  But, uh, yeah, that was, uh, that was a classic 60's show, for sure.

• 6:52Bill Maher?

  So, wow, so it was a way to get into the FBI?

• 6:55Speaker 03

  Well, I was also a theater and film major, right? And I went to the University of Kansas. And, um, you know, late 80's, I just didn't think-

• 7:06Speaker 03

  We didn't have the inner, the world wasn't as as touchable as it is today. So I just didn't see a path to becoming an actor.

• 7:13Bill Maher?

  Late 80s, I just didn't think.

• 7:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, I just didn't.

• 7:16Bill Maher?

  Period.

• 7:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, I just didn't, but I didn't think there was a path. So I didn't, never thought it was a real dream. I just thought it was a great dream and I loved comedy and I loved, you know, watching all the great comedians of the day and I loved watching all the movies, the comedic movies and I could quote them chapter and verse, but, and I, and I loved acting and all that, but it wasn't tangible, it wasn't real. So I was like, okay, okay, yeah, of course I want to do that, but what do I really got to do? I got to get a job. That's what I got to do, I got to get a job. And that was the mindset, it's a mid, very midwestern mindset.

• 7:47Bill Maher?

  You never made it to the FBI.

• 7:49Speaker 03

  No.

• 7:49Bill Maher?

  You stayed, the, the military hooked you?

• 7:53Speaker 03

  It kept me in, it kept me in for long enough. Mal, I was always, what was interesting was as I went through the Marines, I got more confidence, I got more confidence, I got more confidence, I got more confidence.

• 8:05Bill Maher?

  Oh, I'll bet, anybody who can make it through marine training, isn't it like the?

• 8:09Speaker 03

  It's pretty tough, yeah.

• 8:10Bill Maher?

  I'll bet it is.

• 8:11Speaker 03

  And so then when I-

• 8:11Bill Maher?

  I'm just getting this from Richard Gere movies, but I mean, it looks like a nightmare. I mean, like, they're so mean to you, the sergeants.

• 8:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:20Bill Maher?

  What happened to a little empathy? Um, no.

• 8:23Speaker 03

  They, uh, yeah, yeah, it's, it's tough, but I got more confident and then, because I got confident and because they kind of showed me my new limits, this is what I thought my limits were, then they showed me my new limits.

• 8:36Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 8:36Speaker 03

  I said, you know what, maybe I could be an actor, maybe I could be a comedian.

• 8:40Bill Maher?

  But they're doing that to weed out, I mean, they purposely want to find the people who will quit. They're, they're, it's pressure points, it's like how much pressure.

• 8:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:50Bill Maher?

  And then, and, and that, you know, if you're trying to create a warrior cast.

• 8:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:55Bill Maher?

  That is the thing, that's the right thing to do. I mean, that's why our military has always been pretty kick ass.

• 9:01Speaker 03

  I think, yes, you do, you do tend to get, uh, good people for sure. I, I, they, they do have a-

• 9:08Bill Maher?

  Strong, you get the, the fittest.

• 9:10Speaker 03

  You do.

• 9:11Bill Maher?

  For the task of, you know.

• 9:14Speaker 03

  And you have to be mentally, you have to be strong between the ears too.

• 9:17Bill Maher?

  Total, mostly, that if somebody says, run toward that machine gun nest.

• 9:22Speaker 03

  It's unnerving.

• 9:25Bill Maher?

  Nervy, polite way to say it. Pant shitting, yes. And people still, I mean, the reason why they want very, very young people in the military is because very young people are the most amenable to.

• 9:41Speaker 03

  Well, they also don't, they haven't lived long enough to be afraid of a lot.

• 9:44Bill Maher?

  Right. And if you just tell them, do this, do that, I mean, you know, it's.

• 9:48Speaker 03

  Is I watch, on a different, totally different level, but I'll, I'll watch poker players. The young poker players, they're gunslingers. They're slinging hash, they're throwing chips around, they're not, the older ones, they maybe have a little more wisdom, but they also know everything that can go wrong. So they're, they tend to not push the envelope as hard, so to speak.

• 10:08Bill Maher?

  And who wins?

• 10:09Speaker 03

  Usually the young guys.

• 10:10Bill Maher?

  Really?

• 10:11Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 10:11Bill Maher?

  Because?

• 10:12Speaker 03

  Because they're reckless and dangerous.

• 10:14Bill Maher?

  And that helps.

• 10:14Speaker 03

  They make bold moves. Um, yeah, yeah, it does. But going back to, so when I, I went through Officer Candidate School, right? Officer Candidate School is different than boot camp. It's the same program, generally speaking, as far as, you know, all the standards are the same, everything's, but they're trying to get rid of you. Like, if you sign up for the Marines, they're gonna make you a Marine, whether it kills you or kills them, you're gonna become a Marine, right? You're gonna, they're gonna send you through boot camp, and if you can't make it because you're overweight, or you're not in shape, they're gonna send you back through, they're gonna send you back through, they're gonna send you back there, until you become a Marine. Officer Candidate School is the opposite, they're trying to get rid of you. It's a screening and evaluating. So my platoon started with 64, we graduated 32.

• 10:58Speaker 03

  So it was 50% attrition. You know, and that was in a very short amount of time, you know, so, um, it's a, it's a little different program when you go through Officer Candidate School.

• 11:10Bill Maher?

  I mean, that's not completely different than the way it is in capitalism, anywhere, business. I mean, you know, Jack Welch famously was the head of RCA for the longest time, he's known as Chain, Chainsaw Jack, I think, is he would, every year, fire the bottom 10% performing in the company. That was the mantra, you know, that's, that was the operating procedure. And so, even if you didn't do a terrible job, you know, you were, it was always a game of musical chairs. And there was nine seats and 10 people every year. I mean, that's, you wonder why people have heart attacks at 59. I mean, that's why.

• 11:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:55Bill Maher?

  Because that's what capitalism is. And I'm sure, you know, Mom Donnie is watching this right now, as he always does, I'm sure, and saying, "Exactly, Bill, that's my point, capitalism terrible." Yeah, it's terrible, except it's still better than the reverse.

• 12:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:09Bill Maher?

  You want to really be, Soviet people died at 38 from being drunk all the time because they couldn't take their life under communism.

• 12:19Speaker 03

  My girlfriend is Polish, she was born under communism. She lived under it for a little while, and she

• 12:25Bill Maher?

  Really?

• 12:26Speaker 03

  She shakes her head, she just, she's like, "They don't know what they're asking for." They don't know what they're talking about.

• 12:33Bill Maher?

  And it would be so easy to find out. It wasn't like it happened a thousand years ago.

• 12:38Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 12:39Bill Maher?

  It happened in our lifetimes.

• 12:41Speaker 03

  She would explain to me, the grocery card they got. She got a grocery card, her family got a grocery card, and they would

• 12:48Bill Maher?

  This is Poland.

• 12:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:49Bill Maher?

  Warsaw?

• 12:50Speaker 03

  Yeah. And you were, you were allowed, you know, you were, you're a family of four, you get X amount of milk, X amount of liters of milk per week, you get X amount of eggs per week, you get X, you know, and then you take that card to the store, which sometimes didn't have any of the stuff on your card. Sometimes they just had a, "We're long on toilet paper today."

• 13:10Bill Maher?

  Oh, yeah.

• 13:11Speaker 03

  So take some toilet paper, but come back tomorrow and maybe we'll have what's on your list.

• 13:15Bill Maher?

  It doesn't work. Humans need to be incentivized by selfishness. It is nature to be selfish. Animals are selfish.

• 13:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:25Bill Maher?

  Watch them.

• 13:26Speaker 03

  Yeah. I heard a song the other day, and it was, of course, all things are exaggerated, but it was basically, "Capitalism doesn't, capitalism isn't bad because you suck at life."

• 13:40Speaker 03

  You know, and I was like, that's a pretty catchy song, you know. Sorry.

• 13:45Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 13:46Speaker 03

  Sometimes that's what it feels like.

• 13:47Bill Maher?

  And I don't, but it, I mean, the waste of human capital. The Polish people, for example, they're a very smart.

• 13:55Speaker 03

  Crafty.

• 13:55Bill Maher?

  Capable people, and as soon as they threw off the shackles of communism.

• 13:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:59Bill Maher?

  Poland has done very well since.

• 14:01Speaker 03

  They're ascending right now.

• 14:03Bill Maher?

  Oh, yes, absolutely. I mean, you, Warsaw, I'm sure, is a very vibrant. Prosperous city.

• 14:10Speaker 03

  For a major city, it is unbelievably safe.

• 14:13Bill Maher?

  Have you gone there?

• 14:13Speaker 03

  Yes. Been to Poland, it's beautiful.

• 14:16Bill Maher?

  So she goes back to see family and stuff?

• 14:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:19Bill Maher?

  So how did you two meet? That's a...

• 14:21Speaker 03

  Uh, she's a professional golfer. So we, we play a lot of golf. I play a lot of golf.

• 14:28Bill Maher?

  That's funny, because I always thought golf ruined relationships.

• 14:33Speaker 03

  Most of the time it does.

• 14:34Bill Maher?

  Really?

• 14:35Speaker 03

  Most of the time it does.

• 14:36Bill Maher?

  Because I thought either, like, first the guy plays golf, really, and I'm about to tell you to begin with, I'm very anti-golf. Always have been. I don't find it to be a sport.

• 14:45Speaker 03

  Why?

• 14:46Bill Maher?

  It's an insult to lawns more than anything else. And, I mean, if you want to, like, walk around in the park all day, fine. If you want to hit a little ball, do that. Don't combine them and call it a sport. Okay. But I, I get that that's my prejudice, and it's also a disaster environmentally, and it just attracts the wrong kind of people. You know, it really does. I mean, like, I'm not one of those, you know, white people are toxic, and they went way too far with that. But golf, yeah, I do understand why people hate white people. Okay. But, uh, other than that, golf, okay. Not my favorite sport.

• 15:21Speaker 03

  I just spent also four hours playing poker with my friends. That's quite a play.

• 15:25Bill Maher?

  First, I feel like guys were just doing it as a thing to get away from the, from the wife. Like, like, again, because I don't find it an attractive thing to do. So we were like, okay, this must be just a ploy to get away from the wife. And then, what happened was wives were like, oh, I'll play golf too. They're like, oh, fuck, I'm doing this thing I didn't want to do. Get away from you, and now we're doing it together, and, but I'm sure I'm wrong about all that. So tell me about your life with golf.

• 15:56Speaker 03

  So tell me how you love it.

• 16:00Bill Maher?

  I hope I didn't poison the water, Rob, with that whole thing.

• 16:03Speaker 03

  No, listen, I get it. I hear you. I hear you.

• 16:06Bill Maher?

  But she's a professional golfer. That's very impressive.

• 16:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, she's very good.

• 16:11Bill Maher?

  Wow.

• 16:12Speaker 03

  And she loves the sport.

• 16:16Speaker 03

  She's an athlete. She's just, you know, some people just have that natural ability.

• 16:20Bill Maher?

  So she beats you at golf?

• 16:20Speaker 03

  She does.

• 16:22Bill Maher?

  And are you pretty good?

• 16:23Speaker 03

  I'm OK. I'm OK.

• 16:25Bill Maher?

  Like, what's your handicap?

• 16:26Speaker 03

  Ten.

• 16:26Bill Maher?

  Ten?

• 16:27Speaker 03

  No.

• 16:28Bill Maher?

  That's very good.

• 16:29Speaker 03

  It's pretty good.

• 16:30Bill Maher?

  So you shoot like an 82?

• 16:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:32Bill Maher?

  Well, 82 is very good.

• 16:34Speaker 03

  I shoot in the low 80s.

• 16:36Bill Maher?

  And what does she shoot?

• 16:37Speaker 03

  She probably shoots in the mid 70s.

• 16:39Bill Maher?

  Pussy.

• 16:41Speaker 03

  I know. Believe me.

• 16:43Bill Maher?

  Loser. Great, Rob.

• 16:45Speaker 03

  That's what I...

• 16:46Bill Maher?

  Thank you for your service, not to men.

• 16:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:52Speaker 03

  That's what I tell my friends. I go, "Oh, you players. See how it goes." And then they shut up real quick.

• 16:56Bill Maher?

  Oh, I'm sure.

• 16:57Speaker 03

  They're like, "I'm busy that day."

• 16:59Bill Maher?

  But do you shoot from the same tee, or does she do the ladies tee? No, same one?

• 17:03Speaker 03

  Same tee box.

• 17:04Bill Maher?

  Doesn't use the ladies tee?

• 17:05Speaker 03

  Doesn't use the ladies tee.

• 17:06Bill Maher?

  Wow.

• 17:07Speaker 03

  You know, she's probably gonna hate me for saying this, or I'm gonna take some heat for it.

• 17:11Bill Maher?

  She's gonna love you for this whole thing. She's gonna find out sides of you she never knew. She'll be like, "You should hang out with Bill Maher." I'm getting to the real you.

• 17:19Speaker 03

  I don't like that Bill guy.

• 17:20Bill Maher?

  Yes.

• 17:22Speaker 03

  She, coming off the tee box, she can bomb it. I mean, she can hit. But sometimes she's inconsistent, and that's where I get to catch up with her. But around the green, her short game is amazing. That's where she makes up all her strokes. And around the green, I'm a hot mess, so.

• 17:40Bill Maher?

  It's like four dirty phrases in that one thing.

• 17:42Speaker 03

  Oh, golf's loaded with them. Loaded with them.

• 17:45Bill Maher?

  Like what?

• 17:46Speaker 03

  Shafts, balls.

• 17:49Bill Maher?

  Ball washer.

• 17:49Speaker 03

  Ball wash. Wash my balls, you know.

• 17:53Bill Maher?

  You're right.

• 17:53Speaker 03

  I'll meet you at the box.

• 17:55Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 17:55Speaker 03

  There's all kinds of, all kinds of things.

• 18:02Bill Maher?

  Well, I'm glad for you. So you're, but you were married?

• 18:06Speaker 03

  I was, yeah, I was.

• 18:07Bill Maher?

  So, how long have you been with this lady?

• 18:10Speaker 03

  Uh, we are going on just over five years.

• 18:14Bill Maher?

  Well, that's certainly within the good honeymoon time, huh? I mean, you know, I always think most marriages that fall apart, not that I'm the expert on that, because I never did it, but I get the thing. It's really not that the people are bad, or went bad. It's just time. Time is not really your ally.

• 18:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:37Bill Maher?

  It is for some people. Some people just grow more and more, um, you know, in love, I guess. No, they do, some do, some are lucky. Some just grow codependent.

• 18:48Speaker 03

  That's interesting.

• 18:49Bill Maher?

  And most, but most people, what they grow mostly is bored. And, and just too familiar and you just, the other person becomes just like you. I mean, it's like, and, and that's not.

• 19:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:04Bill Maher?

  Doesn't lend itself to the kind of.

• 19:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, there's all, all matter of reasons these days.

• 19:13Speaker 03

  Uh, why the, why marriages aren't working. I, you know, I had my thing, but I have a ton of friends that are going through it too. And, yeah, there seems to be similar patterns.

• 19:25Speaker 03

  But you're probably talking to the wrong guy, because, you know, still, you know, I'm probably, I have a little edge about it.

• 19:30Bill Maher?

  You're just about the divorce?

• 19:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm probably not objective.

• 19:33Bill Maher?

  Who, no, who that goes through a divorce is ever not objective?

• 19:39Speaker 03

  Well, because I can, but I can, I can understand. I can, I really try, maybe I'm delusional, but I think I can understand. You know, different people's, or people's opinions, whether it's, you know, women say, oh, well, it's because the man's this, that, or the other, he's never around, and the laundry list of complaints.

• 19:56Bill Maher?

  Oh.

• 19:57Speaker 03

  And then the women, and then the men are like, yeah, but if you didn't cheat, lie, steal, you know, maybe we wouldn't, we wouldn't be. So it's a lot of this, right? You know?

• 20:06Bill Maher?

  I only know it mostly from the men's side because, you know, my guy friends and then they get married. And then, you know, when they're going through a divorce, they're just useless as human beings. They really are. I mean, the

• 20:18Speaker 03

  It's bad.

• 20:18Bill Maher?

  The amount of anger it puts in them, partly because they're paying not just for their lawyer, but sometimes the wife's lawyer, they're paying for the guy who's attacking them.

• 20:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:28Bill Maher?

  That, I get that that's, and then if kids are involved, you know, that can do it.

• 20:34Speaker 03

  It's hard for me not to be upset, but I also don't want to walk around jaded in front of the kids or put out that kind of angry vibe. But, you know, there's all kinds of great comedians who talk about this and they do a wonderful job talking about, you know, would, would you jump out of an airplane if you knew your parachute was only going to open 50% of the time?

• 20:58Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 20:59Speaker 03

  No, no one would. So why the fuck are you going to get married? You know, and now

• 21:04Bill Maher?

  The deck, the deck is so stacked against the breadwinner. It's unbelievable how bad it is. Why would you ever sign up for that program? It's just, it doesn't make any sense. Okay, but let me take the side that is not predictable for me to take because I'm the unmarried guy. But I think that that analogy with jumping out of the plane is not a good analogy because, yeah, 50% of the time the chute won't open, but if it does open and you make it, so fucking what? You jumped out of a plane, you, you like got an adrenaline rush for five minutes and you risked it all for, for nothing, really.

• 21:46Bill Maher?

  So you, that's not a good bet, but marriage, if it does work, it can be great. I certainly know people

• 21:54Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 21:54Bill Maher?

  who would be lost without their spouse.

• 21:58Speaker 04

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• 22:26Speaker 05

  How many discounts does USAA Auto Insurance offer? Too many to say here. Multi-vehicle discount, safe driver discount, uh, new vehicle discount, storage discount, legacy discount.

• 22:36Speaker 04

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• 22:41Speaker 03

  And I also, I love love. I have no problem with that.

• 22:45Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 22:45Speaker 03

  I do. Being in love is a wonderful thing. And being able to share with someone and being able to, especially for men, to have a partner that you can be vulnerable with, or that you can, you know, express some, uh, stuff that you can't express anywhere else, like to have a partner that knows, cares about you, or lights up when you walk into a room. That stuff is awesome.

• 23:05Bill Maher?

  It's...

• 23:06Speaker 03

  It's wonderful.

• 23:07Bill Maher?

  What makes the world go round. And also the tactile element to it, you know? I mean, certainly I've had times when I'm alone and the only person who's been touching me is me. But it's better if you have this physical communicate, even if it's...

• 23:22Speaker 03

  Of course.

• 23:23Bill Maher?

  And I'm not talking about sex, but sex, of course, is great too, but like...

• 23:26Speaker 03

  Sex is part of it.

• 23:27Bill Maher?

  Just, you know, someone who is pawing you.

• 23:30Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 23:32Bill Maher?

  And they like it when you paw them, and your paws are on each other.

• 23:35Speaker 03

  You know, it's so funny, the older I get, like when I was a young man, I, you know, I, sex was probably the number one driver.

• 23:43Speaker 03

  I can nowadays...

• 23:44Bill Maher?

  Golf driver.

• 23:45Speaker 03

  And, there we go. But nowadays, I can be driving down the road and my girlfriend will just put her hand over and run her fingers through my hair and...

• 23:56Speaker 03

  That's amazing. It instantly comforts me. It instantly calms me down.

• 24:01Bill Maher?

  Oh, I thought you were gonna say you got a boner.

• 24:03Speaker 03

  Well, that can happen too.

• 24:04Bill Maher?

  Really, just with the fingers through your hair?

• 24:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:06Bill Maher?

  Wow.

• 24:07Speaker 03

  It definitely can stir, it can stir the old butterflies.

• 24:11Bill Maher?

  Really?

• 24:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:12Bill Maher?

  Wow. I'm gonna get to Poland.

• 24:15Speaker 03

  You really do.

• 24:16Bill Maher?

  Really?

• 24:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:17Bill Maher?

  Why?

• 24:19Speaker 03

  Tons of beautiful women.

• 24:20Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 24:21Speaker 03

  Yeah. And they, I don't know, they're just awesome. They have really good, this, I don't know how to, I don't wanna, gosh, yeah. It wasn't to be so measured, like, I was gonna say, they have great attitudes. But, I don't know.

• 24:34Bill Maher?

  Yeah, I know exactly.

• 24:36Speaker 03

  Cause anytime you say anything, somebody's gonna take a flash.

• 24:38Bill Maher?

  Fuck them.

• 24:38Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 24:39Bill Maher?

  Fuck them, Rob.

• 24:40Speaker 03

  Cause there's American women are like, oh, yeah?

• 24:43Bill Maher?

  You went to war for America. Fuck you, if you're, like, have even a thought to, like, jump on his case for that. What did you do, you fucks, typing on your phone? Good, sit, hit send, warrior, social justice warrior, bad, Rob, Riggle because, shut the fuck up.

• 25:03Speaker 03

  Oh, thank you.

• 25:04Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 25:05Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 25:06Bill Maher?

  Warriors.

• 25:07Speaker 03

  They, they.

• 25:08Bill Maher?

  You're actual warrior.

• 25:08Speaker 03

  They wear me out.

• 25:10Bill Maher?

  What battles were you in? Battle of the Bulge? Gettysburg?

• 25:19Speaker 03

  I like the Battle of the Bulge.

• 25:20Bill Maher?

  Antietam, no.

• 25:21Speaker 03

  Of course.

• 25:22Bill Maher?

  What battles?

• 25:23Speaker 03

  I'm reading, I'm reading a book right now, actually, about, called Demon of Unrest. It's about the attack on Fort Sumter. Basically, it takes place from Lincoln getting elected in November of sixty, eighteen sixty, until April twelfth, sixty-one, when they fired on Sumter.

• 25:39Bill Maher?

  That's right.

• 25:40Speaker 03

  And so, I, I know my history pretty well.

• 25:43Bill Maher?

  Me too, I loved it, I loved it.

• 25:45Speaker 03

  I'm Civil War buff, I love all that stuff. So, but I, the level of detail in that six months that this book goes into is fantastic. I really.

• 25:56Bill Maher?

  You mean how the war really could have been avoided?

• 25:58Speaker 03

  So many things could have been done differently.

• 26:01Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 26:01Speaker 03

  So many things.

• 26:02Bill Maher?

  That's true of the beginning.

• 26:02Speaker 03

  But at the core, like, a lot of, you know, a lot of, there was a big. Revisionist movement, I guess, where they tried to paint it as states' rights. States' rights, it was all about states' rights.

• 26:12Bill Maher?

  They still do.

• 26:13Speaker 03

  Well, and it, but it wasn't.

• 26:15Bill Maher?

  They still do.

• 26:16Speaker 03

  I know, but it wasn't. At the core of it, it was always gonna come back to slavery.

• 26:21Bill Maher?

  Of course it was, which had, which had been the issue for the entire century.

• 26:26Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 26:26Bill Maher?

  1808 is when, I mean, first of all, they were gonna, gonna get it rid of it right from the get.

• 26:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 26:33Bill Maher?

  And then they said, okay, you know, we'll never, we're not gonna have the southern states as part of this country unless we give in, but we're gonna sunset it to 1808. In other words, kick it down the road.

• 26:45Speaker 03

  So we can get this done.

• 26:46Bill Maher?

  So we can get this done. 1808, okay, so it's bad, but it's worth it. Then Eli Whitney invented the cotton gin, which made picking slavery like way more, you know,

• 27:00Bill Maher?

  economically feasible.

• 27:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:02Bill Maher?

  So then they were like, fuck that. We had the 18, the compromise of 1820, the compromise of 1830. All these places along the way where they came up to this issue. Yeah, Missouri Compromise. All these, where they came up to this, these, this issue and they just couldn't quite do it. And then, you know, the great man theory of history, true. Lincoln came along and he said, enough's enough.

• 27:26Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 27:27Bill Maher?

  Just like a century later, Kennedy came into office and also said, enough's enough. You know, yeah, we got rid of slavery, that was a century ago, but we really didn't complete the revolution, and I'm gonna send troops into the South to make the, make sure the kids can go to school.

• 27:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:43Bill Maher?

  You know, it just takes somebody willing, well, and both those kids is willing to get shot.

• 27:48Speaker 03

  Eisenhower did it in 57 down in Little Rock.

• 27:50Bill Maher?

  Yes, that's true.

• 27:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, and, um, yeah, so, but when, when I, when I, the level of detail, cause I knew Sumter and I knew, you know, okay, blah, blah, blah, I knew the big, kind of the big pivot moments, but the, the, the way they break it down and they talk a lot about Major Anderson and, and, and P.C. Beauregard and, and Jefferson Davis and, and all the politics and the, the things that were going on, it, it just reminds you like, oh, this is us, this is every day, you know. There may be big things going on, but so many things can be decided and judged and...

• 28:29Bill Maher?

  I mean, World War I.

• 28:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:31Bill Maher?

  Did you ever read Barbara Tuchman's The Guns of August?

• 28:34Speaker 03

  No, I've heard of it, but I haven't.

• 28:35Bill Maher?

  It's a, yeah, it's one of those seminal books, the same idea. Like, the Archduke, sort of, for a minute, is shot on June 28th.

• 28:45Speaker 03

  Right.

• 28:45Bill Maher?

  The war doesn't start till August. They had that time.

• 28:48Speaker 03

  They had the time to stop.

• 28:49Bill Maher?

  To stop it and to like, say, wait, what the fuck are we doing?

• 28:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:53Bill Maher?

  We're, we're Europe, we're, you know, supposedly civilized people, things are going pretty good. And this is just gonna, no one's gonna win this. And nobody did, and yet they could not stop it. It's tragic.

• 29:08Speaker 03

  That's the thing, the, the, some of the biggest tragedies, and I'm not saying the Civil War was a tragedy, it was actually a very good thing. It had to happen.

• 29:16Bill Maher?

  Had to happen.

• 29:17Speaker 03

  But so, so many times, people go into things half-cocked. And they end up in a, in a quagmire, in a cesspool, they just, because nobody thinks about the... You gotta think about the beginning, middle, and end. It's like when you write a play, or do an act, or whatever. You got a big opener, something strong in the middle, and then a big closer.

• 29:38Bill Maher?

  The guy, the, the one guy who thought of that was George Bush the first.

• 29:43Speaker 03

  I was just gonna say that.

• 29:44Bill Maher?

  Right, and Colin Powell.

• 29:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:46Bill Maher?

  I mean, Colin Powell had the, you, the Pottery Barn Rule, you, you break it, you bought it.

• 29:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:52Bill Maher?

  And Bush, everybody, not everybody, but a lot of people said.

• 29:56Speaker 03

  Saddam, go get him, go get him.

• 29:57Bill Maher?

  Go get him, go all the way to Baghdad.

• 29:59Speaker 03

  And he was like, no, these are the parameters we set up in the beginning, and that's it.

• 30:02Bill Maher?

  Exactly. And then his dumb son comes into office and goes all the way to Baghdad, you know. Okay, I'm sorry, I was probably too hard on Bush at the time. But, I mean, I didn't agree with that going all the way, the whole thing, but it's funny, because I use that metaphor often in my life. I don't think people know what I'm talking about when I say, "Yeah, I just don't wanna go all the way to Baghdad." They'll be like, you know, you know, "Why don't you marry this girl?" I'm like, "I, I just don't wanna go all the way to Baghdad."

• 30:32Speaker 03

  It just goes over their head?

• 30:33Bill Maher?

  Well, I know what I mean.

• 30:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 30:36Bill Maher?

  Like, you know, I, I kicked Saddam out of Kuwait, that's enough.

• 30:41Bill Maher?

  I don't cut all.

• 30:43Speaker 03

  That's probably like a Dennis Miller reference for some people.

• 30:46Bill Maher?

  Yeah, yeah, something like that.

• 30:47Speaker 03

  You're too hip for the room, man.

• 30:49Bill Maher?

  You didn't fight in that war. What war did?

• 30:52Speaker 03

  I was actually on the parade deck. I was in Officer Candidate School during that.

• 30:55Bill Maher?

  During the first Gulf War?

• 30:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:57Bill Maher?

  What about the other Iraq War?

• 31:00Speaker 03

  From 2003 to?

• 31:03Bill Maher?

  Yeah, the Bushes War.

• 31:05Speaker 03

  I was in the service, but I didn't serve in Iraq. I oddly enough went over there as a USO tour in Iraq.

• 31:14Bill Maher?

  Because you were a comic by then?

• 31:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 31:16Bill Maher?

  That's hysterical. Who was on the tour with you?

• 31:18Speaker 03

  I took Horatio Sanz.

• 31:20Bill Maher?

  Wow, okay.

• 31:21Speaker 03

  I took Paul Scheer and Rob Hubel, because I did improv with those guys in New York. And it was just the four of us.

• 31:27Bill Maher?

  And what was the show like?

• 31:28Speaker 03

  We slapped together a show. I kind of did double duty. So I grabbed Paul and Rob, because we had done improv for years. And Horatio also had done a lot of improv with us. And I had been on SNL with Horatio, and we got along really well. So I would do some stand-up in the beginning. Then we would do a couple of sketches or bits that we had kind of written up. Then we would do some stuff with the audience. So we'd get some of the troops to come up and join us for like a dating game parody,

• 32:12Speaker 03

  where Horatio came out and played Carol, you know, and she was the bachelorette. And so we'd get three soldiers up there to be the, you know, just playing. We did all these bits, right?

• 32:22Bill Maher?

  Yeah, yeah. And it's a great audience, because, I mean...

• 32:26Speaker 03

  And the audience, they're so gung ho. They're so ready for us.

• 32:28Bill Maher?

  Of course.

• 32:29Speaker 03

  And like Paul, there's an old improv game, but it was basically ask the expert. And so Paul would be the expert. And we would say, ladies and gentlemen, we want to introduce you to the smartest man in the entire world. He's an expert on anything. You can ask him anything you want to ask him. If you have any questions about life, anything at all, please ask our expert. I can't say expert today. Ask our expert. And so a soldier would get up and, you know, "How do I break up with my girlfriend?" And then Paul would just give hilarious answers, right? And it was just fun games like that, right?

• 33:02Bill Maher?

  Do you remember the Al Franken USO?

• 33:07Speaker 03

  Well, I didn't see any of his stuff. Well, yeah, well, I knew he had gone on a USO tour and he had done some, you know, pictures. That when someone was sleeping and then he got.

• 33:18Bill Maher?

  Well, that was one part of it, which is, first of all, let me just, before I forget to say it. It was all bullshit, okay?

• 33:27Speaker 03

  Alright.

• 33:28Bill Maher?

  Al should never have resigned. I think even he knows that. I mean, it was all, I mean.

• 33:32Speaker 03

  What was the, what was the issue?

• 33:34Bill Maher?

  It was the height of the Me Too hysteria. The Me Too.

• 33:37Speaker 03

  That's right, that's right.

• 33:38Bill Maher?

  You know, it was a net.

• 33:40Speaker 03

  That's right, I remember that.

• 33:41Bill Maher?

  Very necessary corrective and needs to keep going and go even further. But they also did catch some people in the net. In, they, you know, there was a sort of a frothing at the mouth. Who are we gonna get today attitude for a while? You know, because, as we see with the Epstein files. Because most men are bad. But not all, and not Al.

• 34:03Speaker 03

  I wouldn't say they're bad, but I don't know a single person.

• 34:06Bill Maher?

  A lot of them.

• 34:06Speaker 03

  On earth that doesn't make mistakes. No one's perfect. Ever. In the history of mankind, no one's been perfect.

• 34:13Bill Maher?

  Right, but men, I'm sorry, most of them are not pedophiles, I don't think.

• 34:20Speaker 03

  No.

• 34:20Bill Maher?

  And, but most of them would definitely cheat under the right circumstance. In other words, how many would like withstand the ultimate temptation? Very few.

• 34:34Speaker 03

  Very few.

• 34:35Bill Maher?

  Okay, alright, so we're working from that base.

• 34:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, okay.

• 34:38Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 34:39Speaker 03

  For love you.

• 34:39Bill Maher?

  They're dogs, you know?

• 34:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:41Bill Maher?

  Okay, so, but Al was accused.

• 34:43Speaker 03

  Does that mean go to jail? Does that mean?

• 34:45Bill Maher?

  No, no.

• 34:46Speaker 03

  Does that mean lose your job?

• 34:47Bill Maher?

  No.

• 34:47Speaker 03

  Does that mean?

• 34:48Bill Maher?

  No, that's private. That should be between you and whoever.

• 34:51Speaker 03

  It should be, yeah.

• 34:52Bill Maher?

  Right, okay. But the Al Franken situation was this.

• 34:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:56Bill Maher?

  Okay, there was two things. One, he took a gag picture on the plane. The, I think it was the woman who accused him, I think it was Leanne Tweeden. She was like sleeping on the plane, you know, it's exhausting these trips.

• 35:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:11Bill Maher?

  And so he took a picture, a gag picture where he's, his hands are not on her breasts.

• 35:16Speaker 03

  But he's acting like.

• 35:17Bill Maher?

  He's like, you know, ha ha, she's asleep, okay.

• 35:20Speaker 03

  I remember that.

• 35:20Bill Maher?

  You know, I mean.

• 35:21Speaker 03

  It's, it's bad taste.

• 35:24Bill Maher?

  It's not even that. It's just get the fucking sense of humor. It's not anything that awful. Nobody died, okay? There are no mass graves from this picture, all right? You know, I get a sense of humor. It's it's just not. And by the way, thirty years ago, nobody would even have blinked an eye. It was just, okay, it's certainly not worth losing your job for. He was a very effective senator. Okay, the other thing was, he was accused.

• 35:52Speaker 03

  Well, thirty years ago, too, the the if the girl found out that, you know, somebody played, you know, you know, someone found out that that picture was taken, the girl would probably wait until he fell asleep and then do some sort of mock picture about him, like laughing at his junk or something, you know?

• 36:08Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 36:08Speaker 03

  It would have been that, and then they're done. It would have been that.

• 36:11Bill Maher?

  Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's not exactly an apples to oranges because men historically have been way worse to women. So it's a little worse when the man does it, but it's still not worth blowing a gasket over.

• 36:24Speaker 03

  But that's how that would have been handled. It would have been, it doesn't have to be a federal case, but.

• 36:28Bill Maher?

  Right. So the other thing was, she he was accused of writing a sketch for the USO show. Now, the sketch is what?

• 36:38Speaker 03

  No, I'm just.

• 36:39Bill Maher?

  You don't remember this?

• 36:40Speaker 03

  No.

• 36:40Bill Maher?

  Okay. So this was the other accusation, that he wrote this.

• 36:43Speaker 03

  My first thought was, how bad was the sketch? What were we talking about?

• 36:45Bill Maher?

  Not bad at all. The the crowd loved it because it's this, I can't remember the details of it, but basically, he sets up this situation where a pretty girl who's always in the USO show, Bob Hope, used to have Ann-Margaret and Raquel Wells. Okay, so I think it was this woman, I think it was Leanne, but I could be wrong. But I guess because she accused him of writing the sketch in such a way that he wrote it in the script that he gets to kiss her. Okay, the payoff of the bit is that whoever he was playing doesn't get the girl and the soldier they bring on stage does. So, of course, the soldiers are gonna love that. One of their own gets the girl.

• 37:29Bill Maher?

  I mean, so that was the point of the sketch. I don't think Al wrote it so that he could have this moment where he gets the kiss, the stage kiss with the girl. You know, is it possible? I can't look into everybody's mind.

• 37:43Speaker 03

  Right.

• 37:44Bill Maher?

  But that was a USO scandal.

• 37:47Speaker 03

  I didn't even know that was part of it.

• 37:48Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 37:48Speaker 03

  Interesting.

• 37:49Bill Maher?

  It is interesting.

• 37:50Speaker 03

  Huh.

• 37:51Bill Maher?

  I mean, it's interesting where we were 10 years ago with that.

• 37:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:56Bill Maher?

  And, you know, I see in these Epstein files. I mean, first of all, you just find out. I said this on my show a couple of weeks ago. Some people were just shocked. I said, "I owe an apology to QAnon. You are not completely wrong about the fact that they're..." They were like, I mean, I said, "You know what? Also, no, the Democrats do not eat babies."

• 38:21Speaker 03

  I was about to say, because QAnon is out there.

• 38:23Bill Maher?

  Okay, right.

• 38:24Speaker 03

  I lost some friends at QAnon.

• 38:25Bill Maher?

  That's what I said. Just don't take it that far. Democrats are not eating babies. Hillary didn't run a pedophile ring out of a pizza parlor, you fucking nuts. But you weren't wrong about the elites of this world. Think they can get away with so much shit.

• 38:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:43Bill Maher?

  That they were all, the contempt they have for the rest of us is just pretty amazing when you see these emails. They're almost as lurid as...

• 38:56Speaker 03

  Well, I know, you do a lot of work in political thought and political discussion and debate, and I'm sure this stuff has been right in your forefront, you know, all the Epstein talk, because that seems to be the primary focus.

• 39:11Bill Maher?

  Yeah, but until this last dump, we didn't know how extensive it was. It really did change the narrative a lot. I mean, we thought it was, until like a few weeks ago...

• 39:21Speaker 03

  But to the average American, they're not drilling down like you. Like, nobody knows. I don't know what's going on.

• 39:27Bill Maher?

  No, I mean...

• 39:27Speaker 03

  I don't know what's out there.

• 39:29Bill Maher?

  Okay, but on the right?

• 39:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:31Bill Maher?

  This is the one issue. Where they will break with Trump over. They, QAnon, which are his biggest backers and, you know, they are far right. But they do not let go of this one. They, they had it in their heads that there was this, you know, cabal of elites who are so drunk on their own power that they think they can get away. Well, they kind of do and did. You know, I have a friend who always talks about shark skin, no, not shark, shark soup. Like, it's illegal to, you know, like, kill the sharks, they're dangerous. And the soup doesn't even taste good, but they can.

• 40:14Speaker 03

  But that's because they can't.

• 40:16Bill Maher?

  They just can't, you know?

• 40:17Speaker 03

  They don't even like it.

• 40:18Bill Maher?

  They don't even like it, but it's wrong, but we can do it. We can do it, it's wrong.

• 40:24Speaker 03

  I, I know, I know very little about the Epstein, other than general broad brushes, right? But what it feels like to me is this guy. If you look at his, how he, his trajectory and how he managed to get to where he got, it feels like he is a intelligence operator. CIA, Mossad, whatever it is, but he works in the intelligence community. Is what it feels like to me as an outsider. And again, I'm not, I don't drill down on this stuff and I don't spend much time on it.

• 40:56Bill Maher?

  He's a pimp.

• 40:56Speaker 03

  He feel, well, but that's part of it, but that's part of it. But he has all these elites, he's got them dead to rights, doing something wrong.

• 41:06Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 41:06Speaker 03

  And so that's why he was, but somebody uses that. He wasn't leveraging it for himself, maybe, maybe he was partially. But some bigger entity, I feel like, was probably leveraging that.

• 41:17Bill Maher?

  No.

• 41:18Speaker 03

  No, you don't think that's it?

• 41:19Bill Maher?

  He's a pimp. When you don't know why a guy has a lot of money, it's probably because he's a pimp. That's always been my view on Epstein, and I think that's only been proven correct. He wasn't particularly popular with all these different people because he was a sparkling conversationalist.

• 41:40Speaker 04

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• 42:51Speaker 01

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• 43:09Speaker 03

  All I'm saying is I don't know. I know nothing about it, and I feel like most people only know the broad brush.

• 43:14Bill Maher?

  Well, I'm gonna tell you. There are...

• 43:16Speaker 03

  And nobody thinks he killed himself.

• 43:18Bill Maher?

  Another... No, that's probably not true either. Although there is. I mean, the gashes in the neck are real, but maybe, who knows? Doesn't matter.

• 43:29Bill Maher?

  The guys who were in his circle, that's the key to this. And I've also certainly known that guy all my life. That's the guy who is so successful in his business and has zero ability to ever get a human woman in bed. There's a lot of guys like that. And they are just burning up inside. Because they're like, I am the master of the universe. I am so powerful. And I have all these connections. And I have all this influence and all this money. And no chick wants me.

• 44:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 44:06Bill Maher?

  That is just, it just knocks them. It just, it's just the worst.

• 44:11Speaker 03

  Probably.

• 44:11Bill Maher?

  They think it should translate directly.

• 44:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 44:14Bill Maher?

  Into like this, this, this tap of, of womanhood. That it's just flowing down toward them because, and it doesn't.

• 44:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 44:24Bill Maher?

  Women are interested in something completely different. And so, who fixes this problem? Jeffrey Epstein. And you just see it in all the emails. They're, I mean, Richard Branson. Hey, it'd be great to see you as long as you're bringing your harem. You know, these are, I mean, they didn't even hide it. It's right in their emails. And they're all doing this. They're asking him for advice on how to cheat. That's what some, I forget what prominent guy was. Oh, it was the guy from Harvard. He used to be the Secretary of the Treasury. Summer, Lawrence Summer, whatever his name is. And he's like, you know, there's this Asian woman in the department.

• 45:08Bill Maher?

  And, you know, I'd kind of like to get with her, but I didn't know what to say. You know, it's like Ask Jeffrey. You know, he's, he's gonna like, yes, he's the guy who knows about chicks. Knows how to get chicks. There's always gonna be chicks around. This is the one thing in Bill Gates's life that he doesn't have.

• 45:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:29Bill Maher?

  You know, all these guys. That's what it is.

• 45:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:33Bill Maher?

  And then once he, Epstein has them in this position. Of course, you're right, he does have all the power in the world. To blackmail them and to constantly, you know, tap them for resources and, you know.

• 45:46Speaker 03

  Influence.

• 45:46Bill Maher?

  Influence, but also, you know, money to the, his great, you know, his great consulting.

• 45:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:53Bill Maher?

  No, and he wasn't this financial genius. He had the women. That's what it is. And so, could he have been an intelligence operative? He absolutely could have. I just don't think it interested him. Past just being where he was in the world, you know, being able to keep it going with the 12 massages a day and having the dinner parties with Woody Allen and, you know, Noam Chomsky and Bill Gates. But it was about the women and the fact that he was so good at having them always around. And, you know, I'm not saying all these guys were having sex with the underage women. I think he was.

• 46:36Bill Maher?

  But they didn't, they were certainly able to overlook that because they were taken care of as well.

• 46:44Speaker 03

  That's very interesting. That's very interesting. It is. I wanna, I like to think about that.

• 46:49Bill Maher?

  No, that's, that's what it is.

• 46:51Speaker 03

  That's, that's a...

• 46:52Bill Maher?

  That's what it is. It's a...

• 46:55Speaker 03

  Listen, I'm not doubting it.

• 46:58Bill Maher?

  You look like a, you know, you're kind of a rugged, good-looking guy who probably was always like, you know, there were women always wanted you.

• 47:07Speaker 03

  Nah.

• 47:09Bill Maher?

  Like I say, women probably didn't always want you. No? Are you sure?

• 47:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, I...

• 47:15Bill Maher?

  I'm sure you didn't just miss it, because when I was younger, I was actually quite good-looking and I didn't think that. And so, I just missed it.

• 47:23Speaker 03

  I think, I think I probably missed a few.

• 47:27Speaker 03

  That's probable, that's probable.

• 47:29Bill Maher?

  You hit one in the rough every once in a while?

• 47:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, you know, but...

• 47:32Bill Maher?

  And you gotta drop the ball where you think, you know, you don't wanna cheat at that moment.

• 47:38Speaker 03

  That's interesting.

• 47:39Bill Maher?

  Because people do cheat at that moment, don't they? When they put where the ball lies.

• 47:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:45Bill Maher?

  Isn't that a big opportunity to cheat? Like, if your ball's in the rough, where are you supposed to drop the ball? I mean...

• 47:54Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, within a club length. There's, there's rules to where you drop.

• 47:56Bill Maher?

  What are those rules?

• 47:58Speaker 03

  It depends. If, if you went into an out-of-bounds area or if you're just a lost ball, you're supposed to go one club length back into play and then drop it between that.

• 48:08Bill Maher?

  So, if you hit it like into the rough on the side and like it was raining there and so it's under a bunch of like mud and wet leaves.

• 48:15Speaker 03

  But you can see it?

• 48:17Bill Maher?

  You can see it.

• 48:17Speaker 03

  And you gotta play it.

• 48:18Bill Maher?

  You have to hit that ball?

• 48:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:20Bill Maher?

  Out of the mud and the mire?

• 48:22Speaker 03

  It depends. Sometimes there, there may be a rule now where if the ball is truly plugged... And you can only see like the top white part of it. Uh, you may get some relief there.

• 48:32Bill Maher?

  Who decides that?

• 48:33Speaker 03

  The course official, but that's in a tournament. If it's, if it's you and your guys, uh, or you and your, you know, you and the boys.

• 48:40Bill Maher?

  Forget it.

• 48:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, then you just. Get it, fluff it out of there a little bit.

• 48:45Bill Maher?

  But, uh, so what if you can't see it at all? First of all, if you can't see it, how did you find it?

• 48:48Speaker 03

  Well, exactly, if you can't find, if you can't see it, it's a lost ball, then you got, then you have to take a penalty.

• 48:53Bill Maher?

  But where do you drop the ball?

• 48:55Speaker 03

  One club length in.

• 48:56Bill Maher?

  From where?

• 48:56Speaker 03

  From, from the outbound stake. There's white stakes all along, so it's one club length inside that.

• 49:03Bill Maher?

  And then what, do you hit like a two iron from there?

• 49:05Speaker 03

  Whatever. But the, the way the math works is, let's say it's a tee box, you go, uh, the way I, I, one out. So you, I hit one out, two comes back in, that's my drop, and now I'm hitting three from there.

• 49:19Bill Maher?

  Ooh.

• 49:19Speaker 03

  So that's how you count, and normally it would be one, two to the green, but now it's three to the green, so.

• 49:26Bill Maher?

  Have you ever had double figures on a hole?

• 49:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, of course.

• 49:29Bill Maher?

  Really?

• 49:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:30Bill Maher?

  Of course.

• 49:31Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, in the beginning.

• 49:33Bill Maher?

  Oh, in the beginning.

• 49:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, you suck. You suck bad.

• 49:36Bill Maher?

  Like you're like an 11 on one hole?

• 49:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, but at some point you just pick it up, cause it's obnoxious. You know, like there's people behind you, you know, the pace of play outweighs the amount of strokes you need to get, you know? And, you know.

• 49:49Bill Maher?

  Is that a thing?

• 49:50Speaker 03

  The general rule is, uh, if it's a par four and you have an eight, pick it up. No more strokes after that.

• 49:58Bill Maher?

  Do people actually say, can I play through?

• 50:01Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 50:01Bill Maher?

  That's a real thing?

• 50:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 50:03Bill Maher?

  And why is that like the etiquette?

• 50:05Speaker 03

  Because they only have one or two people in, in their group, and you have a four or five people in your group.

• 50:09Bill Maher?

  And is the etiquette to always say yes? Really?

• 50:12Speaker 03

  You, you let them through, if, if you're playing slower than they are, they're, they're gonna overtake you. Rather than make them wait for your, you get to a par three, usually it's at par threes. You get onto the green and you wave them on, and then they, they'll hit, come up, putt out real quick, they move on to the next hole, you guys finish yours, and they keep going.

• 50:32Bill Maher?

  And what if you don't do this? What, what is the, what repercussions, are you, are you, uh, is it, is it?

• 50:38Speaker 03

  It's bad form, it's just bad form.

• 50:39Bill Maher?

  And, and then what happens?

• 50:41Speaker 03

  There's a lot of stares, a lot of fuck yous, a lot of.

• 50:44Bill Maher?

  Fuck you.

• 50:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, oh yeah, that's what, that's.

• 50:46Bill Maher?

  We're talking about the 19th hole now, right?

• 50:48Speaker 03

  Generally, yeah. But you've seen these videos, I'm sure, online of these golf fights. These golf fights are happening all the time now.

• 50:55Bill Maher?

  Golf fights.

• 50:55Speaker 03

  Well, because the guys get hammered. They get drunk. And then some guy's not playing fast enough or whatever.

• 51:00Bill Maher?

  To my point about not a sport. If you can get drunk while you're doing it, okay? Can you see that with the bobsledding that's going on now? I mean, actually with that one, you can. You might as well, if I can be better drunk. I mean, you're just lying in this thing while you risk your life going.

• 51:18Speaker 03

  It even looks like the guy in the back is just taking a cat nap almost, you know? Other than the rattling.

• 51:24Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 51:24Speaker 03

  I know, that's not true, by the way. I'm very proud of our bobsled team. I'm sure they're doing a good job.

• 51:29Bill Maher?

  Rob, you fought for this country. Stop apologizing for.

• 51:33Speaker 03

  I can't. You know why?

• 51:35Bill Maher?

  Because you live in Hollywood and they seduced you into this bullshit.

• 51:39Speaker 03

  No, it's because I have, I have a kid in college and a kid going to college. And I got a mortgage and I got an ex. And daddy's got to pay the bills. And when they, when they're out there headhunting, you sit there and go, did I just make fun of the bobsled team? I better take that back.

• 51:54Bill Maher?

  But you know what? Canceling, it has, first of all, we're.

• 51:59Speaker 03

  Fucking sucks.

• 52:00Bill Maher?

  It always did.

• 52:02Speaker 03

  Always.

• 52:02Bill Maher?

  And I.

• 52:03Speaker 03

  It's unjust.

• 52:04Bill Maher?

  And I've always taken shit from the left for talking against their cancel culture. Not that it's only on the left, because the right does it also. Absolutely. So they're a bunch of fucking.

• 52:16Speaker 03

  Well, that's the new toy for everybody is cancel. It's a cancel wand.

• 52:19Bill Maher?

  Okay, but.

• 52:20Speaker 03

  You're just throwing it at everybody.

• 52:21Bill Maher?

  I think we passed the peak of that culture.

• 52:23Speaker 03

  I hope so. I hope people are seeing how the folly of it.

• 52:26Bill Maher?

  Many, lots of people who were supposedly canceled actually came out better.

• 52:31Speaker 03

  They did.

• 52:32Bill Maher?

  Look at Shane Gillis. You know, people who they, they tried to make go away.

• 52:37Speaker 03

  Because I think you can see through, you could.

• 52:40Bill Maher?

  So, don't worry.

• 52:41Speaker 03

  Most people can see if someone is truly hurtful. Or if they're just making a joke. Most people can tell the difference.

• 52:49Bill Maher?

  How many medals do you have?

• 52:52Speaker 03

  Um, over 22.

• 52:54Bill Maher?

  Okay. I, this is just my advice. I don't know you. I, I never met you before this. I always loved your work.

• 53:01Speaker 03

  Well, thank you.

• 53:01Bill Maher?

  Everything you're in, you make better.

• 53:03Speaker 03

  Thanks, man.

• 53:04Bill Maher?

  You're like one of those character, comedy character actors that I go, when you show up, it's like, okay, at least this will be funny.

• 53:10Speaker 03

  That's very nice of you to say, man.

• 53:11Bill Maher?

  It's so true.

• 53:12Speaker 03

  You're very kind.

• 53:12Bill Maher?

  It's so true.

• 53:13Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 53:14Bill Maher?

  But, like, I think you'd be better off, even with the mortgage and the X and all that, to be like, just take the opposite tack. Like, I fought for this country. I have 22 medals. Shut the fuck up about whatever my opinion is about bobsledding.

• 53:37Speaker 03

  Well, I agree with that 100%.

• 53:38Bill Maher?

  I earned it!

• 53:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'll say whatever I want to say.

• 53:41Bill Maher?

  I earned it. Unlike you fucking senders.

• 53:46Speaker 03

  I do, I feel emboldened to talk about bobsledding now.

• 53:51Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 53:52Bill Maher?

  But not the luge. We don't go there.

• 53:54Speaker 03

  I don't touch the luge.

• 53:55Bill Maher?

  No, no. Rob, I'm not unreasonable, okay? I'm strongly opinionated. I'm not a-

• 54:03Speaker 03

  But you're not crazy.

• 54:04Bill Maher?

  Reason, I'm not a crazy person. Of course we don't go near the luge. Luge, whatever it is.

• 54:14Bill Maher?

  What'd you think of that, speaking of women athletes, that skater who, you know, it's like Jake Paul's wife? You know, she, oh.

• 54:26Speaker 03

  Is she a speed skater?

• 54:28Bill Maher?

  She's-

• 54:29Speaker 03

  Or a figure skater?

• 54:31Bill Maher?

  She's quite a hot one.

• 54:32Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah?

• 54:33Bill Maher?

  Yeah. I mean, I think she's, she's, I think she's Dutch. I think she's skating for, uh,

• 54:41Speaker 03

  For another?

• 54:41Bill Maher?

  Dutchland.

• 54:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:42Bill Maher?

  No, I mean, the Netherlands.

• 54:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 54:44Bill Maher?

  Boy, pot really makes you forget the name of countries.

• 54:48Speaker 03

  But-

• 54:48Bill Maher?

  Dutchland.

• 54:49Speaker 03

  That goes back. Beautiful, all the Olympic athletes, men and women, they're all hot. They're the prime of their life and they're in peak physical condition.

• 54:59Bill Maher?

  You know, they

• 55:00Speaker 03

  Didn't they sell out of condoms out there in the Olympic Village or something?

• 55:02Bill Maher?

  I was just gonna say.

• 55:03Speaker 03

  Is that right?

• 55:04Bill Maher?

  Three days. I mean, they provide condoms for the Olympic Village and in three days they were gone.

• 55:10Speaker 03

  Well, how do you expect them not to be? These guys and girls, both, are prime athletes. They're burning like 3,000 calories a day just sitting there. You know, they are amped up, they're in the prime of their life and they see each other and it's like, "You're an athlete, I'm an athlete." It's gotta be electric. The energy coming out of that Olympic Village has gotta be

• 55:30Bill Maher?

  Because

• 55:31Speaker 03

  tremendous.

• 55:31Bill Maher?

  Sex at its best is an athletic performance. I mean, among other things, obviously it's not just that.

• 55:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:39Bill Maher?

  But, I mean, I feel like it's an athletic performance. I feel like it's a it's a symphony orchestra presentation, even though no one is there to hear it.

• 55:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:48Bill Maher?

  You know, it's an oratorio, you know, that you perform once and it's somehow the same music, but you're doing it differently, you know? Much like people who do a Broadway show for 3,000 performances have to somehow find a way. Can you imagine that? Have you ever done a show, like a Broadway?

• 56:11Speaker 03

  I've done, I've done, not Broadway, but I've done

• 56:13Bill Maher?

  Theater?

• 56:13Speaker 03

  Shows, yes, where

• 56:14Bill Maher?

  You're doing the same thing every night?

• 56:16Speaker 03

  And you've gotta find that same energy level and that same commitment and that same passion and that same

• 56:21Bill Maher?

  I, it's so hard.

• 56:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's unbelievably draining.

• 56:25Bill Maher?

  I did a Broadway show for three weeks, three weeks, maybe a month, in 2003. Got nominated for a Tony, one man show. Thank you so much. Lost that one like all the other ones. But, it was my own material.

• 56:44Bill Maher?

  And I couldn't stand doing it. Like, I, I, I, when I did The Road for all-

• 56:49Speaker 03

  I remember this one.

• 56:50Bill Maher?

  Yeah, it was called, uh-

• 56:52Speaker 03

  I was living in New York at the time.

• 56:53Bill Maher?

  Yes. When you ride alone, you ride with Bin Laden. It was all about the war on terror. We had just been attacked after 9/11. And, uh, no, it was quite well-

• 57:03Speaker 03

  It was fantastic.

• 57:03Bill Maher?

  Thank you. It was quite well received. But, first of all, I had to do, you know, Broadway is brutal. You get one day off Monday.

• 57:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 57:10Bill Maher?

  You have to do two shows on Saturday and Sunday. A matinee and then the show at night. Two days in a row. The matinee on Saturday was 1:00 PM. I'm not up at 1:00 PM. I had to like get out of bed and immediately start drinking.

• 57:27Bill Maher?

  To get into the kind of shape I was needed to be in to do that show.

• 57:31Speaker 03

  And Broadway too, that's, yeah, you're, you're, you're in the furnace.

• 57:35Bill Maher?

  My mother was at, at one of those shows, a matinee.

• 57:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 57:38Bill Maher?

  And one of the punchlines was, I, I won't go through the whole thing, but it was, "Come on my face." And I was just like, I can't. My mother is in the audience and I have to do the punchline that, it was about mutual, people talked about mutual fantasies. There's no fantasy where a guy runs across a meadow to a woman with open arms and then comes on her face. You know, that, that was the joke, okay? And, you know, it just, 1:00 PM, me, my mother there.

• 58:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 58:11Bill Maher?

  It was just brutal. Not brutal like war.

• 58:14Speaker 03

  I, I did a show one time. I was, I was out doing, doing my shows and, and Dave Attell said, "Hey, I'm playing the Midland in Kansas City."

• 58:25Bill Maher?

  Such a funny guy.

• 58:26Speaker 03

  He was, "Were you open?" And I was like, "Yes, my god, yeah, it's my hometown or whatever." So I, I called my folks and they're the sweetest Midwesterners you've ever met in your life.

• 58:34Bill Maher?

  Not what I've heard.

• 58:35Speaker 03

  And I said, and I said, "Hey, uh, I'm gonna be coming into, I'm gonna open for this guy. And, uh, you know, if you wanna come to the show, please do, but just understand that I cuss a lot and I, you know, I'm, I'm kinda prepping the field for him so that they're not caught off guard." And then my dad says, "Hey, we're all here." I said, "Well, who's, who's all?" He goes, "Well, mom invited the Sunday School class." And that's a legit thing that happened. And I went out there and I knew, I was like, well, I can't change my act. It's, it's a song. You know, you, you learn the song a certain way. I'm not gonna go out there and change the lyrics now.

• 59:08Bill Maher?

  Why should you?

• 59:09Speaker 03

  Exactly. And I warned them.

• 59:10Bill Maher?

  How'd it go?

• 59:12Speaker 03

  It was great.

• 59:13Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 59:13Speaker 03

  Great night.

• 59:14Bill Maher?

  Because who's more repressed and looking to laugh than religious people? Of course.

• 59:19Speaker 03

  And they, they had, they had a great night. They all had a great night.

• 59:22Bill Maher?

  Biggest freaks in the world are Mormons.

• 59:24Speaker 03

  And they loved, they loved Dave. They loved him. Absolutely loved him.

• 59:27Bill Maher?

  And he's really dirty.

• 59:28Speaker 03

  And he brought it. So, you know. Yeah, great stuff. I, I loved that. But I also remember those two shows, like, you know, two shows on Friday, two shows on Saturday, one show on Thursday, maybe one show on Sunday. Plus, you have to do all the radio promo Wednesday and Thursday all day. Ah. That's just, you're getting tired thinking about it.

• 59:47Bill Maher?

  I'm just, I'm didn't, no, I'm just thinking I paid my dues.

• 59:50Speaker 03

  Yes, you did.

• 59:51Bill Maher?

  Like, I, I, did I go to wherever you were, Kosovo? Or wherever the fuck you were fighting for your country, winning those 22 medals? Uh, bobsled people. But I paid my dues in my way. You know, like, those were not happy nights.

• 1:00:09Speaker 03

  Those are hard.

• 1:00:10Bill Maher?

  Three shows, three shows. You, you can't remember what you said in either one of the other two shows. You have to, like, keep this set list in your mind so straight because you're, half of your mind is saying, I just said this to the same crowd.

• 1:00:25Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:00:26Bill Maher?

  And the other half of your mind is saying, no, you didn't. Just do it because I'm telling you, you didn't just do this in this show.

• 1:00:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:00:35Bill Maher?

  It's a, it's a, it's just such a mind fuck.

• 1:00:38Speaker 03

  Yeah. Yeah, and three, I never, I don't think I ever did three in one night.

• 1:00:42Bill Maher?

  Oh, I did many times.

• 1:00:44Speaker 03

  Now, I've done some 1 a.m., like, shows for drunks, you know, like, you know, take the gig wherever you can get it.

• 1:00:50Bill Maher?

  No, I, because I was at the height.

• 1:00:52Speaker 03

  But three in a night?

• 1:00:53Bill Maher?

  Yeah, that's because I was, I, this was the 80s when it was the height of the comedy boom. So comedy clubs realized they could sell out easily on a Saturday night. They could probably do six shows on a Saturday.

• 1:01:07Speaker 03

  So would you do a 7, 9, and a midnight?

• 1:01:08Bill Maher?

  7:30, 9:30, and 11:30.

• 1:01:10Speaker 03

  Wow, there you go.

• 1:01:11Bill Maher?

  Absolutely. And it was just like, wow. And, and this is sometimes for $250 for the week.

• 1:01:21Speaker 03

  But now, okay, let me ask you this. Because you, you know, anybody who went through, especially the time when you were really out there grinding. I mean, that was really the height of it. That was the, like you said, it was, it was kind of a golden age in a way.

• 1:01:35Bill Maher?

  In a way.

• 1:01:37Speaker 03

  But when you look back on it, and you, do you think about the pain and the misery? Or do you, or do you have a kind of a longing and a fondness for it?

• 1:01:46Bill Maher?

  It's funny, sometimes I go to the Comedy Store now to, just to watch.

• 1:01:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:01:51Bill Maher?

  Not, I always, when I walk in there, it's like, you wanna go up? I'm like, I don't even go on the road anymore.

• 1:01:56Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:01:56Bill Maher?

  I stopped that last year.

• 1:01:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:01:58Bill Maher?

  Um, after all those years, but, uh, and I miss it, but I'm glad I did make that decision. But I just go in, it's, it's a fun thing to do, like, there's not that many things to do. I'm not gonna go to a movie, so, you know, you're done with dinner, you don't wanna go home. Oh, let's go to the Comedy Store. If they're bad, it's interesting, and if they're good, it's interesting. It's, there's kind of a no lose.

• 1:02:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:02:22Bill Maher?

  And I'm also, and sometimes, honestly scouting new talent in a way. Um, and, but when I watch it, well, I, I am overcome with this idea of, wow, I did this? Cause I wouldn't wanna do it now.

• 1:02:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:02:40Bill Maher?

  It's rough.

• 1:02:41Speaker 03

  Why is it rough? Why is it rougher?

• 1:02:44Bill Maher?

  First of all, it's not your crowd, it's a crowd.

• 1:02:48Speaker 03

  Ah.

• 1:02:49Bill Maher?

  The last thirty-five years, or thirty years anyway, since I've been on TV every week. It was my crowd, it's people who bought tickets to see Bill Maher.

• 1:03:00Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:03:00Bill Maher?

  These people bought tickets to see comedy in general.

• 1:03:03Speaker 03

  Got it.

• 1:03:04Bill Maher?

  It's not, you don't know what they want.

• 1:03:06Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:03:07Bill Maher?

  And they just, and you have to follow twelve other guys. It's funny, when you watch four or five of them in a row, it's like, oh, there's the perfunctory gay joke.

• 1:03:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:03:16Bill Maher?

  Like, we all know what the well is, where the, you can always go to that well. And, but if you're the fifth guy to do it.

• 1:03:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:03:23Bill Maher?

  It doesn't work.

• 1:03:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:03:25Bill Maher?

  You know, it's just, it's brutal in so many ways, and you watch these people who are, you, you see this willingness to put up with so much. Pain, you know, of rejection because they want it so much. And of course, I was that person. I put up with that same pain. But to watch it now and realize, yeah, that was me. But, boy, I wouldn't want to do it now. And I know exactly what they're going through. And it's interesting. And sometimes they're just great. And sometimes it's just painful. And sometimes they're great one night and painful the next time I see them.

• 1:04:02Speaker 03

  They're still learning their craft, probably.

• 1:04:03Bill Maher?

  Right. And it's a different crowd. Now it's 1:20 in the morning.

• 1:04:10Bill Maher?

  And these people saw those jokes 10 times already.

• 1:04:13Speaker 03

  I remember doing my, my show or my set and, you know, in some places it murdered, it destroyed. And I was like, oh, this is my call. This is my, of course. And then I learned, it's, it's an education. It's a whole process. Because I would take that and I would go to, somebody would say, hey, Rob, you want to do this charity event? Yeah, sure, I'll pop in, I'll help out. And I would do my club act for this, not knowing, hey, someone's got to pull me, somebody needed to pull me aside and say, hey, hey, hey, so here's how this works.

• 1:04:48Bill Maher?

  Well, I, I could, I could.

• 1:04:49Speaker 03

  The way I learned is by people wanting to kill me.

• 1:04:52Bill Maher?

  Well, I, I could have told you.

• 1:04:55Speaker 03

  I didn't know.

• 1:04:56Bill Maher?

  The worst?

• 1:04:56Speaker 03

  I didn't know.

• 1:04:57Bill Maher?

  The worst?

• 1:04:58Speaker 03

  The worst.

• 1:04:59Bill Maher?

  Is charity.

• 1:04:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:05:00Bill Maher?

  I fucking hate charity. All right, don't take that out as a soundbite. What I meant to say is.

• 1:05:07Speaker 03

  Charity events.

• 1:05:08Bill Maher?

  Charity events are the worst. Because the people who go to charity events feel like they're very good people, doing a very good thing. So they are the most politically correct audience in the world, which is the absolute enemy of comedy.

• 1:05:22Speaker 03

  And then they want to mix you in with music.

• 1:05:24Bill Maher?

  Yeah, that too.

• 1:05:25Speaker 03

  They want to mix you, we got a whole mixed bag. We thought we'd have some comedy and then we'd have this and we'd have that.

• 1:05:30Bill Maher?

  And sometimes they introduce you before they have a whole thing about what the charity is, which is something super sad. Okay, enough film of people having their legs blown off. Now a funny guy.

• 1:05:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, and here for the yucks, put your hands together.

• 1:05:50Speaker 03

  You come out with eyes like sausage, what the fuck does that?

• 1:05:53Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:54Speaker 03

  It's just not good.

• 1:05:55Bill Maher?

  It's so funny.

• 1:05:56Speaker 03

  I one time I had, I came out and I was doing this event, a charity event. And people were still, they, they were still coming in to the venue, coming into the, it was a sit down, it was dinner. You know, I heard dishes clinking and, you know, all this going on and people talking, Bob, have you met Susan yet? Susan, this is Bob Johnson, he works over. I can hear their conversations as I'm trying to, you know, I got one table that's looking at me. Everybody else is just milling around, talking, smile, chatter. It was a hot fucking mess.

• 1:06:25Bill Maher?

  That's funny. Forty years ago, when I first started and I was offered some charity events. I would always say, you know, or if they would ask for money, I would say, I would do any amount of time not to have to give you money. Now, I would say, I would give any amount of money not to have to do time.

• 1:06:45Speaker 03

  Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's tough and I haven't been out on the road in, in, you know, fifteen years, probably.

• 1:06:53Bill Maher?

  Really?

• 1:06:54Speaker 03

  Yeah. Well, no, that's too long. It's been ten years, but I haven't, I haven't done any stand up in ten years.

• 1:07:01Speaker 03

  But I get asked to do it and I'm always like, ah, you know, guys, I, I don't have it, I don't, I don't have a set, I don't have any material.

• 1:07:06Bill Maher?

  You gotta be in practice.

• 1:07:07Speaker 03

  If I had to, if I, if you wanted me to do, I have to sit down and really construct something.

• 1:07:11Bill Maher?

  It's, it's.

• 1:07:12Speaker 03

  So I say, I'll, I'll, I can, I can give you a speech, I can maybe do a Q and A, cause then I can improv a little, you can have some fun. That's the ticket. So that, that's what I'm willing to do and I'll do that still anytime.

• 1:07:24Bill Maher?

  No, I only quit a year ago.

• 1:07:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:07:26Bill Maher?

  And I, I get same thing, I get offered and I'm like, you don't understand, you have to be in practice. It's like saying, wanna play quarterback next week after you haven't in a year? Now, that may be okay for Philip Rivers, he did it.

• 1:07:42Speaker 03

  He did.

• 1:07:43Bill Maher?

  But for most of us, it's just, no, I have to be in shape, I have to have an act, I have to know my act.

• 1:07:49Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:07:50Bill Maher?

  I can't just, and I'm not gonna just half ass it and walk on stage.

• 1:07:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:07:54Bill Maher?

  But you're right, the Q and A thing solves that problem.

• 1:07:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:07:57Bill Maher?

  You know, just have somebody interview me and.

• 1:08:00Speaker 03

  And have fun, have fun.

• 1:08:01Bill Maher?

  Have fun and, and you know.

• 1:08:03Speaker 03

  And it generally works, cause the audience is interested to hear.

• 1:08:06Bill Maher?

  Yeah, and funny lines will come out.

• 1:08:08Speaker 03

  Totally.

• 1:08:08Bill Maher?

  Um, it's just not stand up, that's a whole different thing and it's, to me, the highest level.

• 1:08:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:08:14Bill Maher?

  But. So because it's the highest level, don't ask me to do it unless I'm in shape to do it. But so you started when you were still in the military?

• 1:08:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:08:25Bill Maher?

  That's awesome.

• 1:08:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, I was, I got to New York.

• 1:08:28Bill Maher?

  That is not the typical.

• 1:08:29Speaker 03

  No, no, I got, I started when I was.

• 1:08:32Bill Maher?

  What rank were you?

• 1:08:33Speaker 03

  I was a captain. I was a captain at the time.

• 1:08:36Bill Maher?

  A captain?

• 1:08:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:08:37Bill Maher?

  In the Marines?

• 1:08:38Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:08:38Bill Maher?

  Going out to comedy clubs?

• 1:08:40Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:08:41Bill Maher?

  That's amazing.

• 1:08:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:08:42Bill Maher?

  In uniform?

• 1:08:43Speaker 03

  No, no.

• 1:08:43Bill Maher?

  I'm kidding.

• 1:08:48Bill Maher?

  Although it would have set you apart.

• 1:08:49Speaker 03

  Although, I mean, I had the high and tight haircut. I was, you know, I didn't know what they thought of me, you know, but.

• 1:08:55Bill Maher?

  Did you tell them about that?

• 1:08:56Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:08:57Bill Maher?

  It wasn't part of your act?

• 1:08:58Speaker 03

  It wasn't. It really wasn't.

• 1:09:00Bill Maher?

  You're too modest about that.

• 1:09:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, I, I, I didn't do that, but I, I did the Upright Citizens Brigade. I found them. I started doing stand-up. I didn't like it. It wasn't what I thought it was gonna be. I wasn't any good at it. The guy that was, I took a class at Stand Up New York on the Upper East Side, or excuse me, Comic Strip Live on Upper East, and, uh, uh, he was three jokes per minute, set of punch, set of punch, set of punch. That's how we do it. I said, well, I grew up watching Eddie Murphy and I want to be a storyteller and none of that. He goes, three jokes per minute, set of punch, set of punch, set of punch. So I tried to write five minutes of set of punch, set of punch, set of punch. This is not how I do it. I'm not, you know, I don't do that. So I wrote shit material and that was my first set.

• 1:09:43Speaker 03

  And I got up and I did it. I hated it. I hated the whole experience. I had more stage fright than I ever anticipated. Cause it was, it felt like I was in a car accident. I felt like I was in shock. When I was done, I actually tried to run out of the theater. I didn't hear any laughter and so I was stepping on any laughter there was, cause I just wanted to get over the five minutes. But this is my first time ever. And as I was heading out of the comic strip, the guy goes, hold on a second, and handed me my VHS tape that they make of you. And when I got home and my adrenaline had cooked off, I put the tape in and it wasn't that bad. It wasn't as bad as I thought. It was still shit. It was garbage. But it wasn't as bad as I remember it.

• 1:10:19Bill Maher?

  Well, with your background.

• 1:10:22Bill Maher?

  I remember David Brenner, remember David Brenner?

• 1:10:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, of course.

• 1:10:25Bill Maher?

  He was great, and he had a great career, and he was a great guy. And I remember him talking about, he was a producer for years before he became a stand-up comic, and he grew up on the mean streets of Philadelphia. And his explanation to comedy was, "Well, you know, when you walk down the street, and you know that any time somebody could walk out some from anywhere and hit you over the head with a baseball bat, comedy is not that scary." I can't imagine that it isn't somewhat the same for you. Comedy couldn't have been scarier than the military.

• 1:10:59Speaker 03

  You know, it wasn't, it wasn't scarier than certain things. But it was scarier on another level.

• 1:11:05Bill Maher?

  Like I say, scarier.

• 1:11:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:11:08Bill Maher?

  Scarier.

• 1:11:10Bill Maher?

  I'm always right, Rob, you have to understand. It just takes me a minute, but I'm right.

• 1:11:14Speaker 03

  It's a different kind of fear, it's a different kind of fear.

• 1:11:17Bill Maher?

  It is a different kind of fear.

• 1:11:18Speaker 03

  It's a different kind of fear, that's all. But it's still real, and it's still-

• 1:11:22Bill Maher?

  It's very real.

• 1:11:22Speaker 03

  And it still paralyzed me, because I hadn't been exposed to that yet. I hadn't faced that demon down yet. And so when it happened to me, I was, I was really, kind of, not disgusted with myself, but shocked by how afraid I was.

• 1:11:35Bill Maher?

  For something that doesn't actually hurt you, either physically, or if you're strong enough emotionally, it is amazing how hard it is for people to even imagine how awful it would be to stand in front of a room full of people who are rejecting you in every way.

• 1:11:51Speaker 03

  Every way.

• 1:11:51Bill Maher?

  I mean, sometimes it's just by not making any noise. Sometimes it's like-

• 1:11:56Speaker 03

  It's their facial expression.

• 1:11:57Bill Maher?

  It's, it just, you just know you're not connecting.

• 1:12:00Speaker 03

  Their arms.

• 1:12:01Bill Maher?

  Yeah, right.

• 1:12:02Speaker 03

  I mean, all the cues are there that I don't approve of you.

• 1:12:06Bill Maher?

  Well, it's just, you know, laughter is involuntary. That's the great thing about it, and the harsh thing about it. It's involuntary. So when you get it, you know it's real.

• 1:12:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:12:20Bill Maher?

  You can't fake it.

• 1:12:20Speaker 03

  That's why it satisfies us so deeply.

• 1:12:22Bill Maher?

  The biggest stars in the world, I've seen, like, back in the day when I used to introduce Rodney Dangerfield, for example. He was a giant star. He would go on stage at Catch a Rising Star, and of course, the crowd would go nuts when he walked on stage. Two minutes in, if you're not actually making them laugh? They're looking like him, exactly like you're talking about. Mr. Nobody, just like, "I'm sorry, but I can't fake this laugh." I could for a minute.

• 1:12:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:12:54Bill Maher?

  Because you're Rodney Dangerfield.

• 1:12:55Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:12:56Bill Maher?

  And then I just can't. It's just not in the human being to do it.

• 1:12:59Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:13:00Bill Maher?

  You know, so if you're not saying something, and that's what we kind of want. We love the honesty.

• 1:13:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think stand-up is the purest art form because it is you, the comedian.

• 1:13:13Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 1:13:14Speaker 03

  It is a microphone.

• 1:13:15Bill Maher?

  Absolutely.

• 1:13:15Speaker 03

  And it is an audience. There's no directors, no producers, no writer besides yourself.

• 1:13:19Bill Maher?

  There's no body armor.

• 1:13:20Speaker 03

  And there's, there's, nobody's gonna come and save you.

• 1:13:22Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 1:13:23Speaker 03

  No one's gonna, you know.

• 1:13:24Bill Maher?

  No.

• 1:13:25Speaker 03

  It is a high-wire act and it is also, it's so pure. Because when you are winning.

• 1:13:32Bill Maher?

  Yes.

• 1:13:33Speaker 03

  It's the greatest feeling on earth.

• 1:13:35Bill Maher?

  I think we can agree, we are the best kind of people.

• 1:13:40Bill Maher?

  I think we can.

• 1:13:41Speaker 03

  Somebody who gets it, finally.

• 1:13:43Bill Maher?

  Thank you, Rob.

• 1:13:44Speaker 03

  I've been saying it.

• 1:13:44Bill Maher?

  We are the best kind of, we are. I mean, we are doing the thing that is mono a mono.

• 1:13:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:13:50Bill Maher?

  You know, again, no armor.

• 1:13:51Speaker 03

  Uh-uh.

• 1:13:52Bill Maher?

  No protection.

• 1:13:53Speaker 03

  Nope.

• 1:13:53Bill Maher?

  No help from the wings, no technology involved.

• 1:13:57Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:13:58Bill Maher?

  No technology involved.

• 1:14:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:14:00Bill Maher?

  You know what technology we use? Electricity. Okay, you got me on that one.

• 1:14:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:14:06Bill Maher?

  The mic is plugged in.

• 1:14:08Speaker 03

  But that's why it's so pure.

• 1:14:09Bill Maher?

  Although I once in a while I have said, "Is this on?"

• 1:14:14Speaker 03

  Which I did my first night, I did.

• 1:14:16Bill Maher?

  I think we've all said.

• 1:14:17Speaker 03

  Oh, God, I think it was, I don't know, I was cooking on something.

• 1:14:22Speaker 03

  Just, I just wanted off that stage so bad. And then I found the UCB. I ran into Dave Keckner, who was a friend of a friend, and he said, "Well, what are you doing?" Because I was like, "Oh, I'm trying to do comedy." I gave up flight school to do this and now I'm, you know, I think I made a big mistake because I went and did it and I hated it. And he's like, "Well, have you thought about improv?" I was like, "Oh, they don't have an improv scene here." You know, they had Chicago City Limits over there by Scores. And, you know, that was it. And it was short-form, which I didn't understand, you know, and I'm, I'm not good at singing songs or whatever, so I was like, "I don't know." He goes, no, no, it's long form like they do at Second City in Chicago. It's good stuff. It's the UCB. It turned out to be Amy Poehler, Matt Walsh, Ian Roberts, and Matt Besser.

• 1:15:05Speaker 03

  So I was like, okay, well, these guys are, you know, I went and saw their show and I was blown away. I was like, they're making this up. There's, I felt like it was scripted, you know? That's how good it was. So then I started taking classes there. Did their whole program for years when I was on The Daily Show. John Oliver and I shared an office and he's a great stand-up. So he said, come with me, let's go do some clubs. And I was like, I don't know. I tried to beg off and he wasn't having it. So I went and I was like, I don't have anything.

• 1:15:33Bill Maher?

  And you did one year on SNL?

• 1:15:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:15:37Bill Maher?

  There's, there's quite an impressive roster.

• 1:15:41Speaker 03

  Of one years?

• 1:15:42Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:15:44Speaker 03

  There is.

• 1:15:44Bill Maher?

  I'm not, I'm not saying that the roster of people who actually were on SNL for a while and, and became stars in there isn't also very impressive, very.

• 1:15:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:15:53Bill Maher?

  I mean, I, I have no love for SNL for different reasons, but I can't, I can't ever try to front and say that the pipeline of comedy into movies and culture from SNL has been nothing. There's just no precedent for it. There's no, nobody ever like dominated a field as much.

• 1:16:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, you get off the floor on the 17th floor at 30 Rock, that's where the offices are.

• 1:16:19Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:20Speaker 03

  And they have cast photos starting in 75.

• 1:16:23Bill Maher?

  It's just amazing.

• 1:16:24Speaker 03

  And then they have singular headshots all the way down the hall of every cast member. And I remember walking, you know, when I first got there, seeing all the cast, you know, I was like, oh my God, I remember those. I remember that cast, I remember that cast. And you start walking down the hallway and you're like, oh my God, this, this is everybody I've ever watched. It feels like my whole life.

• 1:16:42Bill Maher?

  Yes, and it is. But it's also the case that the people that they didn't know how to use. It's also a rather impressive roster.

• 1:16:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:16:54Bill Maher?

  So what, what is your memory of that year? Why did it work out?

• 1:16:58Speaker 03

  I, I, listen, I, I had it as a goal of mine for years. Don't know, I just made that decision a long time before, I won't bore you with the story, but it was, it was something I decided while I was in flight school that I was gonna try to do this.

• 1:17:11Bill Maher?

  At flight school, you were gonna be a terrorist?

• 1:17:14Speaker 03

  No, I was going to be a naval aviator.

• 1:17:17Bill Maher?

  Okay. Well, so you say.

• 1:17:19Speaker 03

  Yeah. I had my pilot's licenses, I could fly, but anyway, I wanted to be on SNL. It was a dream of mine. When it finally happened, I was incredibly grateful. And I was so, I'm always grateful for that year I had on the show.

• 1:17:33Bill Maher?

  What year was it?

• 1:17:34Speaker 03

  2004, 2005. And here's the thing, I was the only guy.

• 1:17:39Bill Maher?

  Their peak.

• 1:17:40Speaker 03

  Yes, that's what I like to think.

• 1:17:42Bill Maher?

  Who else was on that year? Who were you with?

• 1:17:45Speaker 03

  Oh, it was a big cast.

• 1:17:47Bill Maher?

  Let's place this in time.

• 1:17:49Speaker 03

  I was the only, I was the new, I was the only new guy hired on a cast of, I think it was 15.

• 1:17:52Bill Maher?

  15?

• 1:17:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:17:53Bill Maher?

  Like who?

• 1:17:55Speaker 03

  Amy Poehler, Tina Fey, Rachel Dratch, Maya Rudolph, Seth Meyers, Will Forte, Horatio Sanz, Kenan Thompson, Finesse Mitchell,

• 1:18:09Speaker 03

  Daryl Hammond was there.

• 1:18:12Speaker 03

  Gosh.

• 1:18:13Bill Maher?

  A lot of very, very talented people.

• 1:18:15Speaker 03

  There was a good.

• 1:18:16Bill Maher?

  Very talented.

• 1:18:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:18:17Bill Maher?

  It's a giant pool of.

• 1:18:18Speaker 03

  And I'm leaving someone out, I know, but it was a group.

• 1:18:20Bill Maher?

  That is a giant pool of talent.

• 1:18:21Speaker 03

  Yeah. And I was the only guy hired that year, so I didn't have anybody in my quote freshman class.

• 1:18:26Bill Maher?

  And why didn't they like you?

• 1:18:29Speaker 03

  I don't know if they didn't like me as much as, here's what.

• 1:18:32Bill Maher?

  Well, they got ready you.

• 1:18:32Speaker 03

  Here's what was explained to me, here's what was explained to me, and I'll take it because it helps me sleep at night. But in two,

• 1:18:42Speaker 03

  in election years, late night TV, especially SNL, gets a huge bump.

• 1:18:47Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 1:18:48Speaker 03

  Because everybody tunes in to see the fake debates and, you know, right?

• 1:18:51Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:52Speaker 03

  That particular election, it was Bush, Kerry, nobody cared.

• 1:18:56Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:56Speaker 03

  Nobody cared, nobody tuned in. Will Ferrell wasn't there anymore doing Bush.

• 1:19:02Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 1:19:02Speaker 03

  It was Will Forte, and it was Seth Meyers as Kerry. And for whatever reason, nobody tuned in. And so the, from what I understand, the executives at NBC, you know, hit the panic button, and they cleaned house. And so I was the last one in, first one out.

• 1:19:18Bill Maher?

  That sounds exactly like how show business works.

• 1:19:21Speaker 03

  So, I took him at face value when they said that, you know. Because I did have one of the producers call me after the fact and say, hey, Rob, you know, you had a, you had a good year, but here's what, here's what, I think, you know, here's what happened.

• 1:19:35Bill Maher?

  Okay.

• 1:19:35Speaker 03

  So I was like, I took him, I believe him.

• 1:19:37Bill Maher?

  All right, Colonel. Well, thank you for your service. One more thing for you. I haven't done this in a while, but it was always my favorite thing to do. This are a pile of New Yorker cartoons. Do you read The New Yorker?

• 1:19:50Speaker 03

  I have in the past.

• 1:19:51Bill Maher?

  I don't, but the cartoons are awesome.

• 1:19:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:19:54Bill Maher?

  They have two things in there. Forty thousand word articles about electricity. And really funny cartoons.

• 1:20:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:20:02Bill Maher?

  I'm kidding. That's a great publication. Over thirty years, I cut out the cartoons that I thought were really funny.

• 1:20:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:20:10Bill Maher?

  So these go back thirty years.

• 1:20:12Speaker 03

  Oh, my gosh.

• 1:20:13Bill Maher?

  Maybe I was wrong at times, but I, at the time, I thought they were all funny.

• 1:20:18Speaker 03

  It struck you.

• 1:20:19Bill Maher?

  So here's my bit. You pick up one.

• 1:20:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:20:22Bill Maher?

  You describe it.

• 1:20:24Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:20:24Bill Maher?

  And then you read the caption. Now, if you don't describe it well, the caption's not gonna land.

• 1:20:28Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:20:29Bill Maher?

  You see what I'm saying?

• 1:20:29Speaker 03

  Okay, I'm with you.

• 1:20:30Bill Maher?

  All right, so you do one and I do one. Or you want me to do one first?

• 1:20:33Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:20:33Bill Maher?

  Okay, okay. I'll do, I'll do. Okay. Oh, no, that's, that's too, too big. It was like a, okay. All right, here's a...

• 1:20:48Bill Maher?

  I love it. I love that it already got you. This is a guy, just a normal guy, talking to his normal wife in the middle of their living room. And he's holding an envelope in one hand and a piece of paper in the other hand like this. And he's, the caption is, "I've been selected to pay another electricity bill."

• 1:21:08Bill Maher?

  Okay. This is why I like cartoons, and many people don't. They're just kind of, they're very, they're very subtle.

• 1:21:15Speaker 03

  I like it.

• 1:21:16Bill Maher?

  "I've been selected to pay another electricity bill." You see? Okay.

• 1:21:23Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:21:23Bill Maher?

  Well, there's one on the other side, too.

• 1:21:25Speaker 03

  Oh, there is?

• 1:21:25Bill Maher?

  You have a double, you, you've got a choice.

• 1:21:27Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:21:28Bill Maher?

  Look at that. That's the Daily Double. That's the Daily Double. Okay.

• 1:21:33Speaker 03

  There is a man at a restaurant, lots of paintings on the wall. It almost looks like Sardi's on Broadway, kinda.

• 1:21:40Bill Maher?

  Okay.

• 1:21:41Speaker 03

  There, it appears to be a Truman Capote-looking gentleman or woman, I can't tell, reading the menu, and a waiter getting ready to take the order. And it says,

• 1:21:55Speaker 03

  "I'll have the weirdo's lunch."

• 1:22:02Bill Maher?

  Let me see if you got that correctly.

• 1:22:08Bill Maher?

  Well, the we- okay. Truman Capote.

• 1:22:13Speaker 03

  Look at the glasses. Look at the brown face.

• 1:22:15Bill Maher?

  He has like, his head is an egg.

• 1:22:17Speaker 03

  Look at the hair.

• 1:22:18Bill Maher?

  It has no hair. Right.

• 1:22:19Speaker 03

  But there's a button up there somewhere.

• 1:22:21Bill Maher?

  There's a, there's a thing. It's like an egg with little dark sunglasses and a sprout coming out.

• 1:22:31Speaker 03

  Looks like a onion.

• 1:22:31Bill Maher?

  Looks like a corn crop.

• 1:22:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:22:34Bill Maher?

  Out of his head. He, uh, right. He doesn't look like a human. Truman Capote. And where are you, Sardis?

• 1:22:42Speaker 03

  Sardis, all the paintings on the wall.

• 1:22:44Bill Maher?

  There's three paintings and you don't even see what's in them.

• 1:22:48Speaker 03

  I think I nailed it. I feel like I nailed it. Thank you, Bill.

• 1:22:53Bill Maher?

  This was such a pleasure. Wanted to do it for a long time.

• 1:22:56Speaker 03

  I have too, and I really appreciate you letting me come on.

• 1:22:58Bill Maher?

  Oh.

• 1:22:59Speaker 03

  It was really nice. It was really nice to meet you.

• 1:23:01Bill Maher?

  Did we miss any plugs?

• 1:23:03Speaker 03

  No, no. Are you plugging anything? I got a book, so thanks for mentioning that.

• 1:23:05Bill Maher?

  Oh, yeah. Let's do that again. Rob Riggle. Grit, spit and never quit. The, uh, the whole book is about how he gets to tell the woke, "Fuck you, because I served my country." All right. Thank you, Rob.

• 1:23:21Speaker 03

  Thank you so much, man. It was a pleasure meeting you.

• 1:23:23Bill Maher?

  It was so much fun.

• 1:23:28Speaker 03

  Do you, you have to go, now do you have to go do it in real time?

• 1:23:30Bill Maher?

  Not well tomorrow, but I gotta go work on it now.

• 1:24:10Speaker 01

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