146: The Bare Family Testimony

Today, Stef joins me to talk openly about how our faith has changed everything — our marriage, how we parent, how we see purpose. Stef walks through her journey from growing up Catholic to pursuing a real relationship with Jesus. I share the moment I got saved and how that forced me to realign priorities, identity, and how I lead at home. CHAPTERS: 00:00 Welcome / why this conversation 01:21 Ironman prep, strength work, and family 04:22 Stef’s faith journey 09:45 How faith changed our marriage and home 14:18 My spiritual wake-up call 20:44 Growth and struggle 27:52 Salvation story 40:45 Purpose and identity 41:25 Marriage shift 47:51 Training in a changing household 50:02 Identity and control 54:14 Raising kids to know God 01:00:24 Daily rhythms from “Habits of the Household” 01:12:05 Community and accountability 01:17:54 Encouragement for husbands and wives 01:21:11 Final thoughts ORDER MY BOOK HERE: https://www.amazon.com/Go-One-More-Intentional-Life-Changing/dp/1637746210 FOLLOW: Become a BPN member FOR FREE - Unlock 20% off FOR LIFE https://bpn.team/member IG: instagram.com/nickbarefitness/ YT: youtube.com/@nickbarefitness

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:06Nick Bare?

  Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to another episode of the podcast. Today, I have a returning guest. That guest is my wife, Stephanie Bear.

• 0:17Speaker 01

  Thanks for having me again. First time in the studio.

• 0:20Nick Bare?

  It is, yeah.

• 0:21Speaker 01

  I was telling Matt, I drove here and I drove to the old HQ. That tells you how much I've been here. Really haven't been here much.

• 0:27Nick Bare?

  We've been in this new HQ now, May, June, July, August, September, October, six months, which is actually crazy because it's been a fast six months. How many times would you say you've been here?

• 0:41Speaker 01

  Well, I feel like we always bring people that are in town. We let the kids run around, but during working hours, maybe twice.

• 0:48Nick Bare?

  How many times have you trained in the gym here?

• 0:49Speaker 01

  Zero.

• 0:50Nick Bare?

  That's sad.

• 0:52Speaker 01

  But once you, I'm in my rhythm of working out first thing in the morning, I, working out like how we used to at 2:00 PM, sounds terrible. I, I would rather not work out than work out at 2:00 PM. Like, I need to get it done.

• 1:05Nick Bare?

  Speak for yourself, I still train at 2:00 PM.

• 1:07Speaker 01

  I know, but there's just something about the ease and convenience of the garage gym. Like, I don't think I'll ever train anywhere else, which sucks because this is a beautiful facility, but I love our little garage gym. Shout out Play.

• 1:19Nick Bare?

  I, I meant to tell you this, actually. Yesterday, I tried to do a pull-up.

• 1:25Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:25Nick Bare?

  For the first time in, this is no exaggeration, probably 14 or 15 weeks. Just because I've significantly pulled back on strength training during this Ironman prep.

• 1:38Speaker 01

  Just core, right?

• 1:39Nick Bare?

  Pretty much just core strength. And I'm, I'm training 20 to 22 hours a week between the swim, bike, run, and then core strength. And I wanted to do a pull-up.

• 1:52Speaker 01

  Could you do one?

• 1:53Nick Bare?

  It was so tough. It was so tough.

• 1:57Speaker 01

  Wow. I would be so curious how much you could squat right now.

• 2:02Nick Bare?

  It was extremely humbling. Now, I will say, I did that pull-up after an eight-mile run, a, a one-hour swim, and a 90-minute bike ride.

• 2:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:14Nick Bare?

  But still, it made me realize the journey, the strength journey.

• 2:20Nick Bare?

  Is gonna be a humbling one.

• 2:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, we feel like we've been talking about how lean you are a lot lately, but when I met you, you were two hundred and thirty pounds. And what were you this morning?

• 2:32Nick Bare?

  After my run, one seventy-eight.

• 2:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, you were a big husky boy.

• 2:41Nick Bare?

  I can't wait to put size back on.

• 2:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:43Nick Bare?

  This winter is gonna be.

• 2:44Speaker 01

  What's crazy too is like.

• 2:45Nick Bare?

  A bulk.

• 2:47Speaker 01

  It's you still wear the same clothes. But you don't, I know, but you still wear the same clothes and it's like, I don't, I'm never like, oh, he looks like he's swimming in his clothes. It's just somehow it all fits. I don't know.

• 2:57Nick Bare?

  But you told me the other day that you like this.

• 3:01Speaker 01

  I didn't.

• 3:01Nick Bare?

  Leanness.

• 3:02Speaker 01

  I didn't say I liked it, but I don't even know how to respond to that. I like it when you are comfortable and fed and happy.

• 3:13Nick Bare?

  What is my ideal body weight for you?

• 3:15Speaker 01

  I don't, that's a weird question.

• 3:17Nick Bare?

  Why?

• 3:17Speaker 01

  Because I just don't know. It's what, I mean, right now you feel a little scrawny, a little, but maybe two hundred.

• 3:27Speaker 01

  Maybe, I don't know.

• 3:28Nick Bare?

  That's my plan is after this Ironman prep, get back to two hundred, two oh five.

• 3:37Nick Bare?

  More strength training.

• 3:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:39Nick Bare?

  Moderate endurance, but I.

• 3:43Speaker 01

  Are you still gonna swim?

• 3:44Nick Bare?

  No, I'm not gonna swim. No, I'm not gonna swim.

• 3:49Nick Bare?

  I might not swim ever again after.

• 3:51Speaker 01

  What about, what about biking?

• 3:53Nick Bare?

  I enjoy cycling.

• 3:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, but I just can't let you bike on the road.

• 3:57Nick Bare?

  It's dangerous.

• 3:57Speaker 01

  My soul can't take that. Yeah.

• 3:59Nick Bare?

  But I do enjoy cycling. Um, but going into this winter.

• 4:05Nick Bare?

  I mean, at post-Ironman prep, I think our life is gonna look a whole lot different.

• 4:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:10Nick Bare?

  And we can get into some of that.

• 4:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:13Nick Bare?

  Uh, throughout this conversation, because our life has transformed significantly.

• 4:19Speaker 01

  Yes, it has.

• 4:20Nick Bare?

  Over these last couple of months. That's really what I want to talk about today.

• 4:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:24Nick Bare?

  I think that was the goal of this conversation is how our lives, our marriage, our family has transformed since I've been saved.

• 4:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:34Nick Bare?

  And since I've committed my life to following Jesus Christ.

• 4:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:37Nick Bare?

  But I would love, before we get into that, um, for you to share your faith journey.

• 4:45Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 4:45Nick Bare?

  Over the last couple of years.

• 4:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:47Nick Bare?

  Or you started.

• 4:50Nick Bare?

  From when you were young.

• 4:52Speaker 01

  My testimony.

• 4:53Nick Bare?

  Share your testimony. Yeah, just tell me, tell me everything.

• 4:58Speaker 01

  Well, first of all.

• 4:58Nick Bare?

  Where you start, where you at now?

• 5:00Speaker 01

  Well, first of all, you know what's really cool is, I don't know if you saw it, but before I left the house, I was like, oh, we'll do like a fun rapid fire Q and A at the end. And I just like put up a question box to see if.

• 5:09Nick Bare?

  I didn't see that.

• 5:10Speaker 01

  To see if people had, but like, I only saw a few before I came in here, but every single one was like, tell us more about what Nick's faith journey has been like for you. Like, that's all people want to know about.

• 5:21Nick Bare?

  Well, that's what we can talk about today.

• 5:22Speaker 01

  I know, but that just is so cool that that is of interest to people and people are curious and I feel like that reflects people either wanting advice on it or they're going through something similar. So I'm really excited to talk about it. But anyway.

• 5:35Nick Bare?

  God is good, Jesus is king.

• 5:37Speaker 01

  Um, okay, so I think we kind of grew up pretty similarly when it came to religion. Back then, that's what it felt like was just religion. Um, I was raised Catholic, did all the things, you know, communion, catechism, confirmation, all of that, but I just had no idea. I just didn't know what it was. I was like, I'm doing this because my mom and dad told me to, like, that's why I'm doing it. And we went through phases where we went to church on Sundays, but I dreaded it. I feel like my parents didn't even really have like a sincere joy or interest in it. We just went.

• 6:16Nick Bare?

  How often were you going to church?

• 6:19Speaker 01

  Seasons where it would be like more frequently, but then sports kind of overcame people's lot, like our lives, like a lot of people do. And then it just like slowly became Christmas, Easter, and then it slowly became, oh, we should probably go Christmas Eve. And then like, we just didn't, it just kind of fell. I wouldn't even say to the back burner, just completely fell off. But, um.

• 6:41Speaker 01

  In my, and this is like not to, you know, talk poorly about my parents, the way they raised me because I love the way they raised me and I actually love my story and I wouldn't want it any other way. So I'm glad that it shaped out the way it did. But we always had a foundation of praying and I heard my parents talk about God, but it was just never in the sense of a relationship, really. It's just, it was very foggy and this concept that I just didn't fully understand.

• 7:06Nick Bare?

  When you say praying, what do you mean?

• 7:08Speaker 01

  Like nighttime prayers, but it was very robotic, you know, like now I lay me down to sleep.

• 7:13Nick Bare?

  Yeah, we said that prayer too.

• 7:14Speaker 01

  Right, yeah.

• 7:15Nick Bare?

  God is good, God is great, let us sing him four.

• 7:17Speaker 01

  And that is what we did before dinner.

• 7:18Nick Bare?

  Amen.

• 7:19Speaker 01

  For sure, yeah. So, and I had grandparents, like I have a grandma, my only grandparents still living, like she is, I feel like very close to the Lord, like she goes, she doesn't miss a Sunday at church. My other grandparents on the other side too, like I heard them talk about it. So it's almost like it was a little bit more ingrained in them. But it never really trickled down to me and my siblings. My sister, on the other hand, she got saved way before I did and it's been awesome to see her journey and she's such a strong Christian and she's a huge part of how I'm on my journey too. Um, but yeah, I didn't grow up around friends who had a relationship with God. Went to college, didn't surround myself with anybody who talked about God, knew God.

• 8:04Speaker 01

  Good, good people, good girls, like still some of my lifelong friends, but I just didn't have anybody in my life that was close to God. So I just didn't know what it was like. And um, I moved to Nashville when I was 24. I think I tried to find a church. And I just like went once and kind of got freaked out because it was my first mega church experience and I kind of just stepped back. Um, but again, like I did, yeah. And um,

• 8:31Nick Bare?

  Why, why did you go?

• 8:33Speaker 01

  I don't know. I think it's because I was alone in a new city. And I'm like, I need something to do on Sundays. Maybe I can meet people this way. I think it was Cross Point is where I went. And I was just super overwhelmed because coming from the Catholic world, I was like, what is this? Like it was like a rock concert. So again, like in my single years in my twenties, I would pray at night and it definitely was more conversational. I don't know how I got to that point because I wasn't doing any work or I wasn't reading the Bible.

• 9:03Speaker 01

  But I think it all kind of really came about when I met you. And remember, do you remember when we were in Whistler and we talked about religion? Do you remember that?

• 9:12Nick Bare?

  No, not really.

• 9:13Speaker 01

  It was like the last dinner when we talked about, at the time when I was like, you need to move to Michigan.

• 9:18Nick Bare?

  I remember that dinner.

• 9:18Speaker 01

  You were like, I want to be a soccer dad. I'll, I'll get the minivan. Do you remember that?

• 9:21Nick Bare?

  I remember that dinner.

• 9:22Speaker 01

  We did talk about religion there. And I'm like, so where do you stand? You know, I grew up like going to church and I believe in God. Like, I remember that.

• 9:30Nick Bare?

  I don't remember that.

• 9:30Speaker 01

  And we both were kind of on the same playing field at that point, just like, not even lukewarm. We were just, I don't, I think we were both, looking back, just not believers, just kind of conforming to worldly ideas of what religion is. So it all started to change when we moved, when I moved here. And we were actually just talking about this last night, but I remember the first time I ever really was around someone who was talking about Jesus in a way that made me curious, a little uncomfortable, to be honest, but curious, was Jordan and Michaela. And they were, Jordan was coming down, they committed, Jordan was what higher for us? Three, four?

• 10:11Nick Bare?

  Four.

• 10:11Speaker 01

  Four. This was the first time he brought Michaela down, we met them, they stayed with us. And I remember we were just talking in the living room, and Michaela was showing me pictures of this mission trip they went on in Uganda. And they were just talking about, you could tell, like, I think they were, I don't want to say newly saved, but they were like, pretty freshly saved, I think, at that point. But you could tell they had that fire in them, kind of like how we do now. And I remember them talking about it, and I'm like, oh wow, this, I've never heard someone talk about Jesus this way, like. But looking back, like, they knew Jesus, like, fully. So at that point, I was a little curious, I guess, and then I think it was Michaela and then Phoebe,

• 10:52Speaker 01

  because Phoebe and Trey are two of the strongest believers we know, like, just huge influences in our lives, which is why I think Michaela and Phoebe gravitated towards each other. They invited me to Radiant Conference at our now church celebration, it's a women's conference. And I think at that point, I don't know if we had been to celebration, but went to the conference, was super uncomfortable, not gonna lie. Hands up in the air, I was sitting in the front row, because like, they invited me. And um, I was just super overwhelmed in a good way, but I was like, oh, this, there is something to this. And from there on out, it was just lukewarmness for me. I think we started to go to church every now and then. I think when Charlie was born, we tried to go a little bit more.

• 11:35Speaker 01

  But the big turning point for me, we've told the story a bunch of times, though, was I knew your mom was a big believer. And um, right before she passed away, she was in hospice at, you know, in your living room that you grew up in. She, one of the last things she told us, she had this like insane spurt of energy. Like she was sleeping most of the time that we were with her. And um, we had that little wedding ceremony in your living room. Was it after that? I think so. I think it was right after we had that little wedding ceremony. Yeah. She just got this insane burst of energy and gave this speech. I wish so badly we had that on like video. Cause I remember we all felt the same way after. But the thing she said was, if you guys ever want to see me again, you have to know and follow the Lord.

• 12:20Speaker 01

  At that point, I was like, wow, that's profound. And then from there, that was just the biggest seed that was planted. And I think I've been a little, I don't want to say ahead of you, but I've just been.

• 12:32Speaker 01

  I was doing more deep work, I think, earlier than you were. Um, and that was because of your mom and just all of these little seeds that were planted. Phoebe, Michaela, your mom, Celebration Church, even getting to know Pastor Lori. And then um, yeah, from there, I just, I think a really pivotal time when I really got close to God and learned more and actually spent time in the Word for the first time in my life was when we were going through infertility with Charlie. And I think that's the case for a lot of people. You're like, well, I have nothing else to lean on. Like I have no control over this. Like where do I go? And that's when a lot of people find God. And that was the case for me. And um, that was a really big growth year for me.

• 13:12Speaker 01

  And then just year by year, it's gotten stronger. And then just, you know, the past few months with you. I've seen my faith in walk with God just a hundred X. It's because of you. So.

• 13:28Speaker 01

  It hasn't been one big moment. I don't have this one moment at church camp. It's just been all of these little seeds planted that have gotten me here now. And now, I know we both feel this way, but I just cannot imagine life without it. And I'm just so glad that we've gotten to this point in our life, at the point in life we are right now with young kids. Because we are just changing the trajectory for our children's lives, doing this together. And I don't want to say I was ever, I never felt like I was doing it on my own. Um, but what I've told you a million times is I didn't know how much better our life could be until we were totally lock and step with the Lord together. You would always go to church with me. You would always pray with me.

• 14:11Speaker 01

  Like you'd always hear me out, but you never led until now. And that's when the changes have just exploded.

• 14:18Nick Bare?

  Yeah, I would go to church with you. I didn't want to go to church.

• 14:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, but you, but you would go. And I feel for people that have spouses that don't, won't even go. Because that's a very real thing.

• 14:30Nick Bare?

  Yeah.

• 14:30Speaker 01

  So I'm grateful that you went with me and you supported me, even though you didn't want to go.

• 14:35Nick Bare?

  I didn't.

• 14:36Speaker 01

  But I think, I was thinking about this in the way here. I'm wondering, and my question for you is, do you think my journey that was just a little bit, you know, further along than yours, did that play any seeds for you? Do you think that had anything to do with it? It's okay if the answer is no. Or has it just been kind of recently like what you've been feeling? I've never asked you that.

• 14:55Nick Bare?

  That's a great question. If I'm being honest.

• 14:58Speaker 01

  You can say no.

• 14:59Nick Bare?

  I'd say no.

• 15:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:01Nick Bare?

  Um, because I've been surrounded by believers.

• 15:08Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 15:10Nick Bare?

  Uh, people, especially men of God.

• 15:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:14Nick Bare?

  For the last couple of years. And just being around it, if I'm being honest, it, it really didn't drive much interest or curiosity.

• 15:26Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 15:27Nick Bare?

  Because my priorities were so unbalanced.

• 15:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:32Nick Bare?

  And out of alignment.

• 15:33Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 15:34Nick Bare?

  Where it, it felt like a distraction to what I was trying to accomplish and reach.

• 15:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:42Nick Bare?

  The only way I can describe it is I was attempting to find peace and joy and fulfillment in the finish line. I was looking for the finish line to finally have hope. But I was looking in all the wrong places and I was avoiding the one person that would provide me all of those things. And I eventually got to a point where I realized there's nothing else. I'm hopeless in this pursuit. I think I'm missing out on the one thing.

• 16:19Nick Bare?

  So what was it like for you? Like, was it frustrating knowing that or thinking that I was never going to get there? Or I wasn't interested? Or I didn't want to form a relationship with Christ when you were committing your life and dedicating time and really on that journey?

• 16:40Speaker 01

  I don't think I ever had moments of frustration because again, I didn't know how good it could be, if that makes sense. Like, I just didn't, I didn't know what the other side felt like.

• 16:50Nick Bare?

  You don't know what you don't know.

• 16:51Speaker 01

  Right. And I think too, like, I remember when we went to Nashville, what was it, 2019? The first time for that Love One event. And we were around the Maric family. I remember seeing like Suzanne speak and her husband Michael speak. And you could tell they both were just like equally just on fire for the Lord. All their children were. And I remember being like, I want to get to that point. Like, that's the family. Like, I just, I look up to that family so much, like so many people do. And I remember thinking like, will Nick ever get there? Like, I'm not sure. And how far can I get on my own? Like, I don't think I can get very far on my own. But I was never frustrated or angry. I was just happy that

• 17:34Speaker 01

  you were willing to go to church with me, that you were willing to pray with me. But again, I just didn't know how good it could be. And it's like,

• 17:44Speaker 01

  I just can't even like remember life before because it's just so much more adventurous and joy filled and light and purposeful now. So yeah, I don't think there was any moments of frustration. Definitely glimpses of like, man, I wish, I hope, but I prayed for it all the time. I always would pray like, or I just pray that you become like the center of Nick's existence, like the healing's on you, that you guide him. Like I, I was praying a lot for it. And I think God heard those, because I mean, we talk about this all the time. Like, I think you got saved at the time that God wanted you to get saved.

• 18:20Nick Bare?

  For sure.

• 18:20Speaker 01

  He chose a time so strategically and just poured everything into you at once, which is why I feel like your experience was so, just, I don't even know the word. I don't want to say fast, but it was just so abundant, all at once.

• 18:40Nick Bare?

  Yeah, it truly took over.

• 18:42Speaker 01

  It took over you.

• 18:43Nick Bare?

  It took over me.

• 18:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:45Nick Bare?

  Yeah, I almost feel guilty saying this, but like, going back to sitting in that house where you're looking at that family, thinking, I want our life to look like this. I was probably sitting right next to you.

• 19:02Speaker 01

  You were sitting next to me.

• 19:03Nick Bare?

  Yeah, I was, but I was probably sitting right next to you thinking, these people are so distracted.

• 19:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:10Nick Bare?

  From like what really matters, and that is success and money and accomplishment. And I look back now thinking, you were so ignorant and stupid, Nick. Because I was sitting there thinking, I got it figured out and you guys are wrong. You guys are off course.

• 19:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:30Nick Bare?

  I'm, I'm this entrepreneur who's building this thing and who is achieving and succeeding and performing, and all of you guys are distracted. But the reality is, like, reality, reality check, I was the one that was distracted.

• 19:49Nick Bare?

  Distracted by worldly wants and desires.

• 19:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:53Nick Bare?

  Distractions coming from the enemy.

• 19:57Nick Bare?

  And, you know, fast forward a few years, all these people who are filled with peace, joy and fulfillment, from putting God at the center of everything.

• 20:12Nick Bare?

  They're winning in life and I'm losing.

• 20:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:15Nick Bare?

  Because I couldn't find any peace or joy or love or any of those things. So I just look back to younger Nick.

• 20:28Nick Bare?

  And I just want to shake him like, dude, you were so naive and ignorant and

• 20:37Nick Bare?

  distracted from what really mattered.

• 20:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:44Nick Bare?

  What were some of the problems you think we were experiencing in our our marriage? So we just celebrated five years of marriage.

• 20:53Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 20:53Nick Bare?

  Last week.

• 20:54Speaker 01

  Eight years together, five years married?

• 20:57Nick Bare?

  Eight years together, five years married. We just celebrated five years.

• 21:02Nick Bare?

  The first four and a half years of our marriage.

• 21:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:08Nick Bare?

  What was the

• 21:12Nick Bare?

  what was at the center of our problems, would you say?

• 21:16Nick Bare?

  That we experienced?

• 21:20Speaker 01

  Man, I don't really know how to articulate it. I think it might have just been.

• 21:26Speaker 01

  I felt like we were always missing each other.

• 21:30Speaker 01

  When it came to communication and how both of us felt loved. Like, I think all I remember is all of our arguments just being like, it sounds so petty, but I just want you to pay attention to me. Like, I just want you to see me and and want to spend time with me. And I want to, I just want to feel loved and seen and prioritized. I think that's probably what it was. And that makes sense. I mean, I'm sure so many people that are married to business owners or people who, you know, have really demanding careers, like, that's a common thing. You go through seasons of life where marriage is a priority, but I just, I feel like until, you know,

• 22:10Speaker 01

  the last year or so, I just haven't felt that. So I think it was just like, if I had to put like an overarching theme on it, it was priority alignment.

• 22:18Nick Bare?

  Yeah. That's, I have that written down here because that's like one of the main things I wanted to talk about.

• 22:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:27Nick Bare?

  I've always been a proponent of prioritizing.

• 22:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:34Nick Bare?

  But what I've learned over these last couple of months is I had my priorities misaligned.

• 22:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:43Nick Bare?

  It's one thing to, to say you prioritize certain things. It's really easy to say, my priorities are my family, my priorities are my health, and then it's work.

• 23:00Nick Bare?

  But what ends up happening is, you know, when you go to plan out your calendar, all things work, go on your calendar first, and then maybe some personal things, and some family things, and then if there's time for God and going to church.

• 23:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:13Nick Bare?

  We'll throw that in at the end. We'll sprinkle that in.

• 23:17Nick Bare?

  But it's really hard putting priorities into real life and in practice. But once you do, it is a solution to many, if not all of your problems.

• 23:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:33Nick Bare?

  So like priorities now, God first.

• 23:37Speaker 01

  Which I would say I was out of alignment with that, too.

• 23:40Nick Bare?

  In what way?

• 23:41Speaker 01

  God not being first. It's probably you, kids, God.

• 23:44Nick Bare?

  Yeah.

• 23:45Speaker 01

  But now I've learned through this journey we've been on together that it is 100% God first.

• 23:50Nick Bare?

  And God, God is always first.

• 23:51Speaker 01

  Everything is His, not ours.

• 23:54Nick Bare?

  God first, family second, then everything else.

• 23:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:00Nick Bare?

  And that's why I say that, um, post-Iron Man prep, I think our life is really gonna change. Because being in this Iron Man prep right now is even showing me, I think showing us that

• 24:16Nick Bare?

  that Iron Man prep, this Iron Man prep, even challenges our priorities.

• 24:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:22Nick Bare?

  A little bit.

• 24:23Speaker 01

  Talked about it last night.

• 24:24Nick Bare?

  We did have a conversation.

• 24:25Speaker 01

  A little moment.

• 24:26Nick Bare?

  We had a conversation.

• 24:27Speaker 01

  My one and only moment in this prep, though.

• 24:29Nick Bare?

  It was. Yeah, it was. Last night was the first time this, this came up.

• 24:35Speaker 01

  We're, we're a few weeks out.

• 24:37Nick Bare?

  But that has been the center of just being very transparent here.

• 24:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:42Nick Bare?

  These fitness preps since 2018, all of these fitness preps I've done for the last seven years.

• 24:52Nick Bare?

  Have been the core of many of our problems in our relationship.

• 24:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, and the first time you jumped into one, it was Ironman, right? I go, true. And that was shortly after we got married. No honeymoon phase for us.

• 25:04Nick Bare?

  Yeah, I mean, I kicked off Ironman prep in two thousand and nineteen, two thousand and twenty.

• 25:14Speaker 01

  So engaged when we were engaged, yeah. It was right after your mom passed away.

• 25:18Nick Bare?

  Yeah. And that's where it really started.

• 25:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:21Nick Bare?

  Because when I, when I decide I'm gonna do something, I go all in. It's, it's fully committed.

• 25:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:27Nick Bare?

  There is not a

• 25:30Nick Bare?

  one foot in, one foot out. Which is exactly why my relationship with Christ and my faith was so unsuccessful for so long because I had one foot in, one foot out. I was lukewarm. And I don't, I don't do anything in my life lukewarm. I don't do anything in my life, one foot in, one foot out, that I actually care about. So when I go into these fitness preps, I dive fully in.

• 25:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:58Nick Bare?

  I'm all in.

• 26:01Nick Bare?

  Which I teeter on the line of all in and all consumed.

• 26:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was just thinking in those two phrases because I don't know why that was that you brought that concept up.

• 26:09Nick Bare?

  Jeff Cunningham introduced that to me.

• 26:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 26:12Nick Bare?

  And I, I would argue that these fitness preps all consume me. At least they have in the past. I think I've navigated this Ironman prep a little bit differently.

• 26:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, you have, yeah.

• 26:25Speaker 01

  Something just came up.

• 26:28Speaker 01

  What was it? Oh, when you said you go all in for everything. I don't know if we're here talking about this yet. But that was one thing when you were going through this transformation, like those first couple of weeks. Do you remember when I was like, hey, you could drink him from a fire hose?

• 26:44Nick Bare?

  Yeah.

• 26:45Speaker 01

  Like, I had this little, like, knee jerk reaction, like, oh no, I see him getting all consumed with this, which like, if there's anything to be all consumed with, let it be Jesus and the Bible, like, amazing, I couldn't ask for anything more. But me being your wife and knowing you, I'm like, I don't want this to be like a prep where this ever fizzles out and he gets burnt out. So I was a little, like, weary, as weird as that sounds, it's like, why would I ever be weary about you being on fire for God? But you were just going so hard at this pace where you were like, I wanna know everything, I wanna talk to everyone. And then you kind of entered this phase where you're like, no, this is my solo journey. You're kind of like blocking out noise and people that want to interject.

• 27:26Speaker 01

  But at first, I felt that all consumed with this, which was like, I was like, yes, finally. But I was still a little nervous.

• 27:33Nick Bare?

  It's valid.

• 27:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:35Nick Bare?

  Because typically when I dive into something, I burn myself out.

• 27:38Speaker 01

  Yeah. I'm like, please, I don't want this to even be a slow burn. But yeah, I feel like you really paced yourself.

• 27:46Nick Bare?

  Thank you.

• 27:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:48Nick Bare?

  So let's, let's explore that for a little bit.

• 27:52Nick Bare?

  What was it like watching me be saved?

• 27:57Speaker 01

  It was a crazy time, like looking back at it.

• 27:59Nick Bare?

  Give me a lot of, all the details.

• 28:01Speaker 01

  I don't even know. I think like the biggest moment that I remember, oh, because you know, the Brandon Lake concert. I didn't really like, you say that that, it sounds like so cheesy, like I got saved at a Brandon Lake concert.

• 28:16Speaker 01

  Like praise God for Brandon Lake.

• 28:19Nick Bare?

  Let me provide some context first. But for real.

• 28:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:24Nick Bare?

  So you and me.

• 28:25Speaker 01

  It was you taking the first step.

• 28:26Nick Bare?

  You, me and Charlie.

• 28:28Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 28:28Nick Bare?

  Went to a Brandon Lake.

• 28:29Speaker 01

  Which like, I still cannot believe the way this all happened because I bought these tickets like probably a year ago. Anyway, I, I just, yeah, thank God for Brandon Lake.

• 28:40Nick Bare?

  So you, me and Charlie went to a Brandon Lake Phil Wilkum.

• 28:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:44Nick Bare?

  Concert. I've sat in church many Sundays. Where there's a pastor on stage that says, if you want, if you want to commit your life to Christ right now, put your hand in the air.

• 28:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:57Nick Bare?

  Or, or come up to the elders afterwards.

• 29:02Speaker 01

  You know what I do? I always go like this.

• 29:04Nick Bare?

  You peek?

• 29:04Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 29:05Nick Bare?

  And I, I was always like, I ain't putting my hand up.

• 29:08Speaker 01

  I'm like, is he putting his hand up?

• 29:09Nick Bare?

  See, I'm not putting my hand up.

• 29:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:11Nick Bare?

  And it was something about, I was, I think something at that point in the concert. For maybe the weeks leading up to like, something was brewing inside of me. And I reached a point this past summer, I would say of hopelessness.

• 29:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, it made sense, given everything that was going on.

• 29:31Nick Bare?

  This past summer for me was the pinnacle so far of my professional career in many different ways.

• 29:41Nick Bare?

  And I thought, reaching those levels of success and accomplishment would bring joy, peace, rest, hope, all of these things, and it just didn't.

• 29:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:52Nick Bare?

  It did the opposite.

• 29:55Nick Bare?

  And I had this realization of, oh, man, like, if this still can't bring joy and happiness and peace, nothing can.

• 30:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:07Nick Bare?

  So it was brewing in the background.

• 30:10Speaker 01

  The good old God-shaped hole.

• 30:11Nick Bare?

  Yes. And then we go to this concert, and I can't remember who was on stage.

• 30:19Speaker 01

  I even remember like, sitting there, and I was like, hands up, I was loving it. And I'm just being like, is he uncomfortable right now? Like, I remember feeling those feelings sometimes, like, I've had that feeling so many times in life, like, at that night before the First Love One event years ago, like, listening to Suzanne speak, like Suzanne is a force, like, she is just like,

• 30:43Speaker 01

  an amazing woman, and hearing her talk about the Lord. And I remember just being like, oh, I can tell Nick's just gonna be so uncomfortable. And then even sometimes in church, I'm like, is he feeling like this is just like all BS? And then even at the concert, I felt that a little bit.

• 30:58Nick Bare?

  Fair.

• 30:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:00Nick Bare?

  But at the concert, someone was on stage, they said, here's your opportunity, commit your life to following Christ.

• 31:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:07Nick Bare?

  Right here, tonight. And something just spoke to me in that moment, and I said to myself, I'm gonna do it. I was looking over at you and Charlie, so you got my family here.

• 31:20Nick Bare?

  I'm gonna do it.

• 31:22Nick Bare?

  And what's crazy is we were about to leave the concert that night. And someone, Justin, who

• 31:33Speaker 01

  We met briefly before.

• 31:34Nick Bare?

  We met.

• 31:34Speaker 01

  We met him before.

• 31:35Nick Bare?

  We met him multiple times throughout the years in passing.

• 31:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:42Nick Bare?

  But we didn't really know each other. And we're about to leave the concert and he finds us and walks up to us and just asks if he can pray over us before we leave. It was like a 10 minute prayer.

• 31:53Speaker 01

  It was in the middle of, at the middle, but it was, it wasn't, the concert was not over, like Brandon and Phil were still up there.

• 32:00Nick Bare?

  And he was praying over us and me and saying things that were just like so personal.

• 32:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:08Nick Bare?

  That no one else would have known and called me out right where I was. But what I want, I needed to hear, not what I wanted to hear, but what I needed to hear. And I left after that prayer. I was like, what just happened? How did he know what to say?

• 32:26Speaker 01

  And how did Charlie stay still through the whole thing?

• 32:29Nick Bare?

  For a 10 minute prayer?

• 32:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:32Nick Bare?

  And I didn't wake up the next morning, this new person. But I would say over the next couple of days.

• 32:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:39Nick Bare?

  It's like God reached down inside of me.

• 32:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:42Nick Bare?

  And flipped this switch. And I could feel the Holy Spirit in me. The Holy Spirit took over my entire body, mind and soul. I was reborn. I was not the same person.

• 32:58Nick Bare?

  And it lit me up for the first time in a long, long, long, long time. I had a fire in me again and I had joy and peace and rest. And it was crazy what I felt.

• 33:21Nick Bare?

  That's what I felt, but what was like watching that happen?

• 33:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't think it really hit me. I don't remember much about like a couple of days after the concert. I know this was all within a week. But, you know, we were going to Napa for your birthday with Joe and Maddie Greer. And I just remember.

• 33:40Speaker 01

  I remember on the plane, you just, like you basically, you wrote something on your stories.

• 33:47Nick Bare?

  I put-

• 33:47Speaker 01

  Like giving your life to Christ.

• 33:48Nick Bare?

  Yeah, I put some on my Instagram story, just like,

• 33:52Speaker 01

  It was wrong.

• 33:52Nick Bare?

  Making it publicly known.

• 33:53Speaker 01

  Yes, exactly.

• 33:54Nick Bare?

  I'm committing my life to Paul and Jesus Christ.

• 33:56Speaker 01

  And I remember in that moment being like, oh my gosh, like, some, like, not something, the Holy Spirit has overcome him. Like, I've never, like, I, I, I've had moments like that, but I've never, I think, had like an experience like you're having. Like, God really knew what he was doing with you. It's almost like, God, he, obviously, he knows you best, and he's like, I know, if I'm gonna make this a lifelong transformation for Nick, like, I think I need to, I think God knows, he had to come in, like, hard.

• 34:29Speaker 01

  He's like, I know, Nick, I know what he responds to.

• 34:32Nick Bare?

  Mm-hmm.

• 34:32Speaker 01

  And he's an all-in guy, so I can't just plant seeds with him. Like, I need to come in, like, fast and hard.

• 34:40Nick Bare?

  And that's all I wanted to talk about.

• 34:41Speaker 01

  Yeah. So I, I do feel like God 100% knew the way to start this journey for you. Um, and it was so catered to you, which is like just so beautiful and sweet. But yeah, I remember having you put that post up. I was like, wow, this is crazy. And then I was just excited that we got to spend a whole weekend with Joe and Maddie because they're two believers, and I was just so excited for Joe to have the chance to speak into you. And that was like the perfect couple for us to be around, like, right when that was happening, truly. We love them so much. So that was awesome. So many great, like, deep, rich conversations that weekend with them. And then from there, yeah, I think it was just a mix of, like, wow, I can't believe this is happening. Like,

• 35:27Speaker 01

  you wanna talk about out of body? It was the same for me. Like, everything was just, look, looking back now, because it was months and months ago, everything, like, our, our sleep was different, like, it was consuming our home. Like, it was just-

• 35:44Speaker 01

  Like I felt it too. So it was just this incredible, incredible thing that could only be ordained by God. Um, but then again, like I mentioned before, I had those emotions of like, our whole life is changing. This is amazing, but then I also was like, I'm a little nervous, like he's drinking from a fire hose. Like he's going really hard and fast, but I think that you were just like ma- now looking back at it. I think you were just matching the pace that God kind of set for you. Um, so I definitely was like, please don't let this be a slow burn. I don't want this to burn out. I, I, this is all I've been praying for. I want this to be forever. And then over the past couple of months, I've really known that there's so much confidence that it is.

• 36:27Speaker 01

  So it was a lot of mixed emotions and I feel like we were told this a couple of times, but it was like you were on fire. I had definitely moments of like the enemy coming in and attacking me for sure. And I feel like I'm still kind of in that season, like I've been in a very stressful season for no reason really. Um, but I do feel like that is where the enemy likes to just come in and pray. Like, oh, your husband, see how close he is to God. Well, I'm gonna pull you apart. And like, I remember, do you remember the conversation we had when you were just like, at that point where I'd be like up for three minutes? Or no, I would be up in the middle of the night going to pee. And that was when you were getting like woken up at three AM every day and you just go read your Bible. And you'd like come in and I'm like peeing, clearly going back to bed. And you're like, hey, just for a second, can I just share with you this scripture?

• 37:12Nick Bare?

  Yeah.

• 37:14Speaker 01

  And, um, like that was so good, but I remember like telling you, like, I feel like you were just becoming so fluent and you're just really understanding all of this. And now I'm for some reason questioning everything. And then when you made us watch Passion of the Christ.

• 37:31Nick Bare?

  After Nika's birthday party?

• 37:32Speaker 01

  Yeah. I remember we were like watching on the back porch and it was like 95 degrees and I was sweating. And I mean, that movie, like, I don't know if I can recommend that movie to anybody because it is brutal.

• 37:45Speaker 01

  But I'm just very highly sensitive.

• 37:47Nick Bare?

  But what I love about that movie, The Passion of the Christ, is it makes you realize the sacrifice that.

• 37:56Nick Bare?

  Like God gave his son and Jesus was crucified in such a brutal way.

• 38:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:05Nick Bare?

  And he was, he was sacrificed. He died to forgive all of our sins.

• 38:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:11Nick Bare?

  Such a brutal death that like, we cannot take that in vain.

• 38:16Speaker 01

  Yeah. No, I do think, I didn't sleep for three nights after that movie. And I do think it was necessary for me to see, um, again, it's super jarring. But it definitely like makes you feel the weight of it. But I just remember while you were like up, going up this mountain. I was like already up there a little bit, but then I feel like for a second you like almost passed me. And I wasn't jealous, but I was like, what is going on? Like, why am I feeling less, like more distant from God? And I know that was the enemy, like, but it is, it's just, it's the reality of it.

• 38:57Speaker 01

  Like even when things, like even when you get something that you pray for, there's still going to be challenges.

• 39:03Nick Bare?

  Yeah, because this, this isn't a race to see who's holier.

• 39:07Speaker 01

  No, not at all.

• 39:08Nick Bare?

  We're all in our, our own unique journeys and paths and walks with God.

• 39:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:16Nick Bare?

  But what I think it's really important for us to do as a married couple is to

• 39:22Nick Bare?

  make this journey together.

• 39:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, for sure.

• 39:25Nick Bare?

  And that's what we're trying to do.

• 39:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, a hundred percent. I, um, I mean, how many times have I put like a devotional on your nightstand? Or like, let's read this book together and you just don't.

• 39:36Nick Bare?

  Well, that's the thing is I was,

• 39:39Nick Bare?

  there's so much to cover like in this one conversation, but

• 39:45Nick Bare?

  for the last decade, I've read every book. I've listened to every self-help podcast.

• 39:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:53Nick Bare?

  Looking for the answers. And they've gotten me to a certain point. But there are these like very temporary solutions and fixes.

• 40:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:02Nick Bare?

  So you have to keep reading the next one and the next one and the next one. And they're all tactics. They are all transactional.

• 40:11Nick Bare?

  And I was avoiding the one truth. The one book, the entire time, which is right in front of me right now. And that is the Bible. And everything you ever need, all the answers. The, the, the way to live is right here in this truth. I was avoiding this one book. And

• 40:35Nick Bare?

  you know, I think that one of the reasons I went in, I've gone in so hard. Is because they say you are blind, but not you see.

• 40:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:45Nick Bare?

  Imagine if you were physically blind for the first 34 years of your life. And then when you turn 35,

• 40:54Nick Bare?

  you can finally see for the first time ever.

• 40:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:56Nick Bare?

  I want to go see everything.

• 40:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:58Nick Bare?

  I want to see the mountains. I want to see the ocean. I want to see the, the wilderness. I want to see the animals. I want to just, I want to see everything. Because you now have that ability. That's the only way to describe the way my life feels right now is I've been blind and now I see. And I want it. I want to see it all.

• 41:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:16Nick Bare?

  I want to see what I've been missing because I know I've been missing.

• 41:20Speaker 01

  Praise God for that.

• 41:21Nick Bare?

  Praise God.

• 41:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:23Nick Bare?

  So how would you say that? We've been experiencing transformation within our marriage, our home, the way we're parenting, just life as a whole.

• 41:34Speaker 01

  I think the biggest story that can paint a picture of how much has changed is just from our anniversary. So like a big I wouldn't say conflict, but a pain point in our marriage is, and I'm sure a lot of couples can relate to this, is the, you know, the difference in which you celebrate, if that makes sense. So for me, I grew up, everything was celebrated. Gifts, food, cards, decorations, like everything is so big and so fun. So that's my normal. For you, not so much, right?

• 42:10Nick Bare?

  Well, I think we are, we are. Raised around different experiences in terms of celebrations.

• 42:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. Um, so something that we just learned early on in marriage was, you know, I would decorate the whole kitchen and spend a whole day getting ready for next birthday. And I think it was naive of me to think like, oh, I'm gonna get that back. And when, you know, the birthdays and Valentine's Day and stuff would roll around and I, in the first few years, you know, cards, flowers, all the things, but there was a little lull in our marriage where you would just not. You would just, I don't even think you'd forget. You just wouldn't because it just didn't feel important to you, which I totally understand that.

• 42:53Nick Bare?

  Yeah.

• 42:54Speaker 01

  But for me, I mean, I remember like, I remember lots of tears on holidays and occasions just being like, I feel like he forgot about me. And it's not like gifts is my love language, but it was just how I was raised. And it's like how I like to show love a lot, just like effort and so that was a really big pain point for us. Um, and it's always been this like inside joke in our marriage that I'm a card person and all I need is a card. Like I don't need gifts. I don't like gifts. I just need words, cards, just the thought, like you thought of me. Um, so that our, uh, anniversary last week, I just got you a card and I, like I always do. I just wrote a, you know, thoughtful no on the card, put it by your running stuff in the laundry room.

• 43:38Speaker 01

  So you would see it in the morning and I, I didn't think of anything. Didn't even think of like, this is five, this is a bigger one, like whatever. And that morning I woke up and you never come and find me. Like I always just see you in the kitchen. You came into the bathroom and you were like, happy anniversary. And you gave me a big kiss and a hug. And you're like, I promise you, I bought you flowers and a card. And I was like, I had this moment, I don't know if I said it right then and there. I don't think I did. I think it was like a few minutes later.

• 44:05Nick Bare?

  Yeah.

• 44:06Speaker 01

  Where I was like, oh my gosh, I don't care. I didn't even think about it, truly. And then I shared that with you a couple of minutes later and I'm like, you know what's a really cool, big growth marriage moment? Is that I don't care. Like even though you did get me a card, whatever, which did you?

• 44:25Nick Bare?

  So I I I ordered flowers.

• 44:29Speaker 01

  Yes, you did. They came there.

• 44:30Nick Bare?

  A week a week before. I made sure they were scheduled to be delivered.

• 44:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:35Nick Bare?

  There was a card on.

• 44:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, but I mean, even that card, like you wrote more than you've written in your whole life. So I was it was amazing.

• 44:41Nick Bare?

  I will say that the the night before.

• 44:44Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, you Instacart.

• 44:45Nick Bare?

  Our anniversary. I was like, I should get another card so she can wake up to a card, even though there was a card on the flowers that was coming later that day. And I don't understand why, but sometimes when you order flowers, they deliver them. Say they, you know, you ask for the day, they deliver it like that night.

• 45:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was that night.

• 45:04Nick Bare?

  It was late. But I thought, you know, I should have a card for her for when she wakes up. So I Instacarted three cards, three anniversary cards, just in the event that one was sold out. I ordered three and then I didn't have enough in my cart for.

• 45:23Speaker 01

  Did add random.

• 45:24Nick Bare?

  Deliver it. So I added two packs of taco seasoning, siesta taco seasoning mix. So we get the kids down, you're like getting ready for bed. I go out to the front porch where it was delivered. All that was in the bag was the taco seasoning. There's no card.

• 45:42Speaker 01

  It's okay. It's okay because I just had this moment where I was like, I didn't even think about it and I didn't like I just zero emotion. And like a year ago, I would have just been, I think it was last year, I like was getting weepy about it. I'm like, how do you not know years like four, year seven being together that I just want some words and like thought of. But it just made me really stop and pause. And number one, like, thank God, because like, how sweet that he knew, like, he knew all along. He's like, I will give you what you need eventually. And you do not need worldly things. You don't need cards. You don't need flowers. You don't need gifts and things. Like, I'll give you what you need. And this year he did.

• 46:26Speaker 01

  And I just feel like that showcases how much our marriage has changed. And it made me think like, okay, well, why did cards matter to me so much in the past? And I think it was because I I I don't I was I've never been insecure in our marriage. But I think I might have been a little bit insecure and like, how much does he really think of me with all that he has going on? And that's just not the case anymore. And that's what putting God first and aligning your priorities with what the Bible says, that's how much it can change your marriage. It is absolutely wild.

• 47:03Nick Bare?

  Yeah, it goes back to priority alignment.

• 47:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:08Nick Bare?

  And correcting if I'm wrong, but you probably felt like you were competing with the business.

• 47:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:14Nick Bare?

  Like competing in terms of uh my time.

• 47:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:20Nick Bare?

  For many years.

• 47:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:23Nick Bare?

  And I'm very sorry and apologetic.

• 47:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:28Nick Bare?

  About that.

• 47:30Nick Bare?

  Thank God, thank God for God's grace.

• 47:31Speaker 01

  I know, but I always, I haven't been the most gracious human ever. Like we've had our moments for sure. And I'm sure there's couples right now listening to this that are that are in it. And I'll tell you, if you're not aligned with God's plan for you in your marriage, it ain't gonna happen.

• 47:49Speaker 01

  It's not gonna happen.

• 47:51Nick Bare?

  Have you seen uh any differences in this Ironman prep that I'm in right now?

• 48:01Nick Bare?

  And in terms of the way that I'm showing up for you and the family compared to others in the past?

• 48:09Speaker 01

  If you're looking at tangible, physical things, no, because you've always,

• 48:15Speaker 01

  you've never, I think like what people like are thinking or that maybe they want me to say is like, oh yeah, like you're getting up in the middle of the night with Nico and you never used to do that in other preps. Like, no, you've actually always done that. Like you've always, you've never done less when it came to parenting or household things or yes, we do less socially when you're in preps, but you've never like showed up less physically and tangibly. Like you've always shown up for us. But as far as like emotionally, like I've never seen you in a prep.

• 48:51Speaker 01

  And I've never been fully like, okay, if that makes sense. And this time until last night, I have been. Just had a moment, you know? But um, that's the biggest difference for me. Like, it's nothing physical. Like, you're still getting up with Nico. You're still feeding the dogs, you're cooking dinner, like, you're doing bath time. Like, none of that's changed. But it's just, it's like the lightness around you and the joy. That's been the biggest difference. Not so much the physical stuff, because you've always been very reliable. It's just like now you're like emotionally reliable in a prep.

• 49:26Nick Bare?

  Well, I've learned a lot in this prep.

• 49:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:29Nick Bare?

  Uh, and I've learned that

• 49:32Nick Bare?

  this is

• 49:35Nick Bare?

  this is my last prep for a hot minute.

• 49:38Speaker 01

  Da, da, da.

• 49:39Nick Bare?

  A hot minute. And a lot of what I've learned, and I've learned a lot these last couple of months, by prioritizing God. And committing my life to following Christ.

• 49:55Nick Bare?

  I've learned a lot in terms of like who I am and my identity.

• 50:02Nick Bare?

  One of the things I wanted to talk about was this identity crisis that I've had for most of my professional career,

• 50:10Nick Bare?

  especially post military,

• 50:13Nick Bare?

  where like my identity, who Nick Baer was, he's the founder and CEO of BPN. He's an entrepreneur. He's an athlete. He does these races. Nick Baer signs up these, these preps and documents it. And if he's not performing or striving or competing or training, he doesn't have any value or worth. And my entire identity was rooted in being this performer.

• 50:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:44Nick Bare?

  For everyone but myself and my family. And I no longer feel that. My identity is rooted in, in following Christ and our family and our marriage. And then the other things that I do.

• 51:06Nick Bare?

  And just learning and realizing that has shifted my whole perspective around what's gonna happen, you know, the morning after I wake up after Ironman Arizona, November seventeenth?

• 51:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:26Nick Bare?

  And how our life is gonna look different moving forward.

• 51:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm excited. Like I've told you, one of the biggest things I just didn't see coming that was kind of like a side effect of all this or just a result is I feel like I've done a pretty good job. Like I have my biases too when it comes to striving and performance and busyness for sure. But I feel like I've always been open to, okay, God, what do you have for me? Like I'm open to whatever. I've done so many different things. Um, and I, I'm grateful that I've been that way, but you haven't been. Like you've been like white knuckled your own life, controlling every single little thing.

• 52:10Nick Bare?

  So I thought I had to.

• 52:10Speaker 01

  For sure. And I, my brain has gone there before. I'm like, oh my gosh, like Nick is holding on so tight that he won't even hear God if God puts something just so wild and crazy on his heart. Like that makes me sad because I've had those moments. And um, it's just, life is going to be so much more adventurous for us. And I'm just, I'm so excited to see how it unfolds because we are now both living palms up. And it's like, what do you have for me? Oh, that? Okay, we're gonna be obedient. We're gonna do what you say. Like who knows? Who knows? And it makes me sad, people that don't live like that.

• 52:52Speaker 01

  Because you're only living within your own limitations. And change is our God has something so much bigger. And people don't even know it.

• 53:02Speaker 01

  And it's just the most overwhelmingly just filled with gratitude feeling like knowing that you feel that way too because now it's like us and God against this crazy, broken world and it's just really cool to it's gonna be cool to see how he uses us with our children, with our community. I just feel like life's a lot more exciting now.

• 53:25Nick Bare?

  Yeah, I was previously living life based off of Nick's will.

• 53:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:31Nick Bare?

  And now I and we live life based off of God's will.

• 53:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:36Nick Bare?

  And it's wild to see what happens when you fully surrender your life to Christ.

• 53:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:42Nick Bare?

  And he just paves a path for you.

• 53:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:45Nick Bare?

  It is insane.

• 53:46Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 53:48Nick Bare?

  Like lamp to our feet, opening up doors and creating opportunities for where we were trying to get to, but white knuckling.

• 54:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:00Nick Bare?

  Trying to get there.

• 54:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:01Nick Bare?

  And there was so much resistance along the way.

• 54:03Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 54:04Nick Bare?

  And then we finally just, like you said, palms up, surrender.

• 54:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:07Nick Bare?

  The path became so clear so fast.

• 54:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's a beautiful thing. I'm just so excited we have that for our children too. Like, one thing, I think the biggest thing for me, just being around godly people and just like making what the Bible says. I mean, it's just, it's very black and white. Like, what is right, what is wrong is very easy to understand when you actually spend time in the Bible. And we've had so many discussions about like how we want to raise Charlie and just like the life. I know I can only control so much. We can plant as many seeds as we possibly can. But I just look back at my, I don't want to say childhood because my parents gave me the most beautiful, amazing, blessed life. But, you know, in

• 54:51Speaker 01

  that pivotal time that a lot of us go through, when your parents kind of let you go and you go to college, like, that's where I wish I could just redo everything, like high school and college. I was not a bad kid at all. I was a good kid. I was, if anything, a goody two shoes. But I could, there was just like so much more. Like, if I would have just been around people.

• 55:12Speaker 01

  That knew God and could point me to the Bible. I'm just like dang, like I did so much stuff. That was such a waste. And now it's such a clear path for me, like how I want to like, I'm grateful that I was on the path that I was just with like drinking in college and partying. And it just, it was all just so empty. And like, I see it's cool now to see this, you know, generation coming up. Like so many people are like in college, going to Bible studies in small groups and like that lights me up. That's why I've gotten involved with our student ministry at church because I'm like, I'm jealous of these kids that they're making this decision at this age. Like, I know we're all gonna fall off and on and have our moments and stuff, but the fact

• 55:55Speaker 01

  that like I sit at the wave nights and I look out into this crowd and I see sixth grade to high schoolers with their hands up, crying on their knees, fully like surrendered and understanding. And I'm like, this is the best thing ever. And this is what I want for our children.

• 56:13Nick Bare?

  Mm hmm.

• 56:14Speaker 01

  And it just makes the path so clear of what you say yes to, the people you surround yourself with, the people that you let around your kids, the things they watch, the things they listen to, like everything like is at the forefront of my mind now. And I'm glad that I had the journey and path that I did because now I can use that to talk, sit down and talk to Charlie. Like, thank God I have a daughter and I can be like, hey, this is what I did when I went away to a big 10 school. I do not want you to do this.

• 56:42Nick Bare?

  Yeah.

• 56:42Speaker 01

  Like I know, now I know like what is right and I know the path that God has for you. And we're gonna do everything we can to make sure that you stay on that path. It's just so clear, like nothing, nothing lights me up more than seeing young people just be fully surrendered. Like it's the most beautiful thing.

• 57:03Nick Bare?

  Well, we used to always have the conversation of how do you raise good kids?

• 57:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:09Nick Bare?

  And I was like, well, here's this.

• 57:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, we never talked about that.

• 57:12Nick Bare?

  Strategy and here's this tactic. And now, what, how do we raise good kids? Just teach them to love the Lord and follow Jesus.

• 57:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:22Nick Bare?

  If they follow Jesus and love the Lord and they go to their secret place to pray and they're in their Bible, reading the word.

• 57:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:34Nick Bare?

  They're set up for success. Yeah, I spent a lot of time recently in the book of Ecclesiastes, a very humbling book in the Bible. I absolutely love it.

• 57:47Nick Bare?

  But Ecclesiastes, chapter two, thirteen,

• 57:54Nick Bare?

  wisdom is better than foolishness, just as light is better than darkness, for the wise can see where they are going, but fools walk in the dark. The way that you gain wisdom, the way that you gain light is in this book that I'm holding right here. It is the scripture. It is, it is the Bible. It is the truth, the word. So it's teaching our kids like,

• 58:23Nick Bare?

  what does light look like? And how do you, you gain knowledge? And turn that knowledge into wisdom and live by that wisdom? And the hope is that they make the right decisions based off of following Him.

• 58:40Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah, there's only so much you can do. And that is the scary part about like, I think the hardest thing that parents can do is like, hand, hand over your children to God and be like, okay, you got them right? Like, that's, that's really tough. That's gonna be really, really tough. Like, we haven't even entered those years. But all we can really do is plant seeds. And I feel like now that we're both planting seeds, her odds are gonna be a lot better. You know?

• 59:07Nick Bare?

  Yeah.

• 59:09Speaker 01

  Whereas before,

• 59:12Speaker 01

  you know, I would, I've been playing with Charlie since she's been born.

• 59:17Speaker 01

  But now that we both are, it's like, she's hearing 50% more. You know? It adds up. Truly. And it's just been so cool. Like, she's really entering an age of soaking things in and understanding and remembering and questioning things. And um, she talks about God more now. And she wasn't when it, when it was just me on this journey, you know? And so remember that, like, how much of an impact you've already had on her.

• 59:45Speaker 01

  And it just feels really good to just be on the same page with everything, like.

• 59:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's just, it's made all the difference, truly, in parenting. And I'm just very excited. I feel like we've been given the golden guidebook of how to parent by us just both being in the Word and just being like, this is the truth. This is the way. This is the only way.

• 1:00:07Nick Bare?

  It's planting seeds.

• 1:00:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:09Nick Bare?

  And we can't expect our three-year-old daughter to understand.

• 1:00:12Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. She's like, who's God? The Holy Spirit is not within me.

• 1:00:17Nick Bare?

  Yeah, you can't expect her to truly understand and be able to rationalize with it, but it's planting seeds, which kind of brings me to like this book that I wanted to talk about that you read first and then you introduced to me. And I listened to audiobook this past week. I finished it on my morning runs by Justin Early. It's called Habits of the Household: Practicing the Story of God in Everyday Family Rhythms.

• 1:00:48Speaker 01

  So good.

• 1:00:49Nick Bare?

  So why do you love it?

• 1:00:51Speaker 01

  I love it because I've read so many habit books. And I've even read like A Hunt-Gather Parent, which until I read this book, I really liked Hunt-Gather Parent. But Hunt-Gather Parent had nothing biblical on it. So looking back, now I'm like, whatever, scrap that.

• 1:01:07Nick Bare?

  Sounds like an evolutionary.

• 1:01:09Speaker 01

  It was. It was. And there are some great points in it, for sure. But this, to me, just feels like a very simple foundation to lay if you want your kids to grow up knowing Jesus. And also, too, it gave me so many tangible things, like for me, in frustrating parenting moments. It was just very like, the author, it's cool because Justin, he writes this book and he's fully in it right now. He's not this like 65-year-old guy that's an empty nester. Like, I'm pretty sure he's like in his early 40s and he's got four little boys. So he's like... The beginning was just amazing and this is what hooked me. He's like, I don't expect you to read this book,

• 1:01:52Speaker 01

  sitting by a lake or by a bonfire or by yourself with a glass of wine. As I'm writing this book, my kid is scribbling on the page. And one page just got ripped out. Like, my life is chaos right now. And I'm like, we're gonna, we're gonna click.

• 1:02:04Nick Bare?

  Our life is chaos right now.

• 1:02:06Speaker 01

  That is exactly what we're through. So that level of trust, I feel like, in this book was there right off the bat. And just little things like, yes, it goes through, like you can see on the cover, like it has all these different subjects, like bedtime, mealtimes, discipline, um, conversation, play, work, and it goes through all these topics of how to incorporate God and what the Bible says into all of those lanes of parenthood. And it does it so beautifully and just, it's so simple.

• 1:02:33Nick Bare?

  Yeah, the habits of the household are waking, mealtimes, discipline, screen time, family devotions, marriage, work, play, conversation, bedtime.

• 1:02:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, and it was all so realistic. Like, he's not like, no screens and kids must read their devotional. Like, he is, it's the most real book. And, um, it just, it really taught me a lot about myself too as a parent. Um, and also too, like that,

• 1:03:05Speaker 01

  yes, we are parents, but first we are children of God and we are still being parented by God. And to like have that childlike posture as a parent, um, to see it through that lens, like really, really changed it for me. Um, and just, yeah, I just can't recommend it enough. It was so awesome. We've already implemented a lot of the little rituals and

• 1:03:28Speaker 01

  things that he talked about. Just a great, great book that I recommend for all parents. It's crazy because like, as I post about it, everyone's like, yeah, I read this book like years ago and it's changed our family's life.

• 1:03:39Nick Bare?

  I've actually got a lot of

• 1:03:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:40Nick Bare?

  responses to me posting about it too.

• 1:03:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:42Nick Bare?

  Uh, share the story about, are you making bread?

• 1:03:45Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:03:46Nick Bare?

  Because it's very applicable to you.

• 1:03:47Speaker 01

  It is, yeah. Um, I, because I always read like in the first thing in the morning and I always come out and most of the time I have something to tell you. And I've just been going through a season of life, a, a challenging one, like just more anxiety and stress for some reason, and I just really don't know why. But it happens. And, um, there was this part in the book, it was in the subject of, or in the chapter of play. And he was correlating this to

• 1:04:16Speaker 01

  Playing with your children, like getting on the floor and playing with your children. But he, Justin, the author was like, I have this friend who, you know, we do like monthly check-ins. We just catch up and whenever we catch up, this friend always asks me, are you making bread right now? And he asks me that question because he knows if I say yes, my life is balanced. It is peaceful. It is calm. I have the time to spend making bread, which is not a short process. And it's something that you have to do, like you can't rush through it. You can't skip steps. Like it's a very intentional thought up process. So if he is making bread, his friend's like, great, I'm glad to hear you're doing well. But if the answer is no, his friend's like, all right, so what's up? Like, why are you unbalanced? Why are things chaotic? How can we fix things?

• 1:04:57Speaker 01

  And it came out to you and I'm like, I haven't made bread in so long.

• 1:05:02Nick Bare?

  Like months.

• 1:05:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, and um, I feed my starter and I keep her alive, but I haven't made the bread. Partially because you've been favoriting the farmer's butter bread. But.

• 1:05:12Nick Bare?

  But your loaf, your loaf this week was really good.

• 1:05:15Speaker 01

  I know, and that was just a beautiful metaphor and to like how I'm trying to just like be miss, do less and just slow down again. But um, I thought that was just so beautiful and he correlated it to playing with your children. And like, we should also, yes, that is, if you make sourdough, that's a great metaphor. But also like, are you playing with your children? Like, are you sitting on the ground without your phone, carving out time to play with your children? And if you're not, that means your life is out of balance. You're distracted. And I feel like we always play with our kids, but like, there's a difference between like, sure, I'll have a piece of pizza. Thanks, Charlie. Oh yeah, let's play doctor. And you're just like laying there like a deadbeat.

• 1:05:55Speaker 01

  And then there's a difference of like actually engaging and like being a part of the magic and like making her feel things. And like making her feel like you want to play with her. And I feel like we haven't been doing that lately. We've been tired.

• 1:06:06Nick Bare?

  Well, that's one of the reasons I feel guilty about being in Iron Man prep. And why am I um, just like?

• 1:06:17Nick Bare?

  My appeal to doing these fitness preps has changed a lot.

• 1:06:22Nick Bare?

  Is I don't want fitness to be this thing where it's where I spend all of my mental and physical energy.

• 1:06:30Nick Bare?

  And that's what Ironman prep is, unfortunately.

• 1:06:34Nick Bare?

  I'm in it right now. There's twenty three days left of this prep, you know. It is what it is.

• 1:06:38Speaker 01

  Finish strong.

• 1:06:39Nick Bare?

  We're gonna finish strong, we're gonna finish well. But when I'm training three and a half, four hours a day and I come home and the kids wanna play, I play.

• 1:06:48Speaker 01

  You do, yeah.

• 1:06:49Nick Bare?

  But like, am I fully physically and mentally there?

• 1:06:53Speaker 01

  You want to play.

• 1:06:55Nick Bare?

  Exactly.

• 1:06:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:06:56Nick Bare?

  And the answer is no. And

• 1:07:00Nick Bare?

  that's very disappointing.

• 1:07:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:02Nick Bare?

  In myself.

• 1:07:03Speaker 01

  But at the same time, though, I don't wanna play sometimes, too. And that is like, I get what you're saying, but like, this book also said this, which is amazing, like, you cannot play with your children all day, right? Like, no parent wants to play Barbies all day. So it's, it's okay to not wanna play all the time, but to have those like at least a few moments every day where it's like magical, like stepping into the little magic, like Charlie is living in a magical world right now.

• 1:07:34Speaker 01

  So I think the important thing is, though, that you do play.

• 1:07:39Nick Bare?

  I do play.

• 1:07:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:40Nick Bare?

  But I wanna be able to play better.

• 1:07:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, and me too. And I am not training for an Ironman. So a lot of the times I'm like, what's my excuse? But for me, it's like, and we've had so many talks lately, I have to make some changes in my life for sure, but I, every, all of my stress and craziness in life is self-imposed. Like, I am very blessed. I'm very, very lucky. I don't need to work. I like to work and I like to have projects and passions. But I have had this realization that I'm making myself tired and exhausted for no reason, really. And it's been impacting my health, it's been impacting everything. So for me to slow down is really important, cuz I'm not training for an Ironman and I feel those things, too.

• 1:08:27Speaker 01

  Um, no parent is like perfect and it's like playing dress up every day, all day, and fully loving it. But I am excited for us to get to the point where we genuinely.

• 1:08:38Speaker 01

  Can just be present in those moments because I think we've said the last, you know, few weeks. We're like, the rhythm's off, we're distracted. There's going to be seasons like this, but I think the most important thing is that we're aware of it. And um, we know what to lean on to get out of it.

• 1:08:54Nick Bare?

  I mean, that's one of the reasons I love the book of Ecclesiastes so much. It's all about like toiling, toiling under the sun.

• 1:09:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:09:05Nick Bare?

  And chapter three, verse 12 says, I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink and find satisfaction in all their toil. This is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever. Nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so people will fear Him.

• 1:09:28Speaker 01

  Yeah. You know, I actually just got a DM, see how you'd respond to this. I shared that post that you shared by John Bevere this morning.

• 1:09:35Nick Bare?

  I thought it was great.

• 1:09:36Speaker 01

  It was amazing. So good. But this, I don't know who it was, and I haven't responded yet because I really want to think about it. But this person responded and was like, but why, why is the word fear used? Like, why can't it be honor or respect? Like, this makes it feel like you're bowing down to this authority.

• 1:09:56Nick Bare?

  We, we are bowing down.

• 1:09:57Speaker 01

  I know. And I'm just, I know, it just feels so submissive. I'm like.

• 1:10:02Nick Bare?

  It is.

• 1:10:03Speaker 01

  Well, but I, I do think people get confused with that word.

• 1:10:07Nick Bare?

  For sure. There's a difference between this and like, I struggled with this initially too.

• 1:10:11Speaker 01

  Yeah. The All of God by John Bevere will clear it all up for you.

• 1:10:14Nick Bare?

  The All of God by John Bevere is like such a great book.

• 1:10:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:18Nick Bare?

  There's a difference between being afraid of God and having the fear.

• 1:10:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:23Nick Bare?

  Of God. Being afraid of God, being afraid of the Lord is being afraid of what He's going to ask you to do.

• 1:10:32Nick Bare?

  If you've, if you fully commit your life to following Christ and God says, I want you to move to Africa and do ministry work. Ah, I don't want to fully commit because I'm afraid that he's gonna ask me to do that.

• 1:10:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:46Nick Bare?

  The fear of God is I don't want to lose that fire.

• 1:10:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:51Nick Bare?

  I don't want to lose his presence. I want to be, I, I, I bow down to him. He is the king of kings, the lord of lords. Yes, he is the authority.

• 1:11:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, I also think too, like people can think about it like, oh, well, the, and this is the wrong way to interpret it, but the fear of God is in like, if I sin, I'm gonna be punished. Like I'm gonna like get cancer if I sin, or someone that I love is gonna die if I sin. Like, I'm scared, like, and it's like, that's a weird one, but I've heard that a lot from people. Like, that isn't it at all. You're right. It's, it's just being like, wow, look at all of these beautiful things that he created. Look at everything he's given me. The least I can do for, you know, what he sent his son and what his son did for us is abide and be obedient to what he calls us to do. Because like, for me, the fear of God is,

• 1:11:48Speaker 01

  I don't want to miss one thing that he's gonna do in our life. So why wouldn't I do everything he asks us to and live by the Bible? Because that's the only way you're gonna see the fruit of that.

• 1:11:56Nick Bare?

  I fear not having him.

• 1:11:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:11:57Nick Bare?

  I've seen the other side of not having him.

• 1:11:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:11:59Nick Bare?

  I fear going back to that.

• 1:12:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:12:02Nick Bare?

  Absolutely. Yeah, I think from habits of the household, like one of my favorite parts that was an eye opener, kind of all centered around community. I think community is so important and he broke down the, the difference between entertaining and hospitality.

• 1:12:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:12:27Nick Bare?

  One of the things that I think we both want to do more of is hosting again. When I'm in these fitness preps, we don't do much hosting because I prioritize my sleep and my diet and training and honestly, I just don't have the energy.

• 1:12:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:12:41Nick Bare?

  To do it. Which I hate about that, but.

• 1:12:51Nick Bare?

  When you entertain, it's like you're putting on. But having hospitality and hosting.

• 1:12:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:12:57Nick Bare?

  It's like, come into our home.

• 1:12:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:13:00Nick Bare?

  And spend time with us. And that's, that's what we want to do.

• 1:13:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:13:03Nick Bare?

  In the past, I think what we've done is someone will text us and say, hey, I'm gonna swing, swing by real quick.

• 1:13:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:13:08Nick Bare?

  It's all hands on deck. Hide the kids' toys, light a candle, vacuum.

• 1:13:12Speaker 01

  Can you think of a recent experience we had with someone who was hospitalized?

• 1:13:17Nick Bare?

  It's when we were, uh, in Nashville.

• 1:13:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:13:21Nick Bare?

  Yeah. And we stopped at the Rad's house.

• 1:13:23Speaker 01

  Yep. Toys everywhere.

• 1:13:26Nick Bare?

  They're like.

• 1:13:26Speaker 01

  Kids everywhere.

• 1:13:27Nick Bare?

  They didn't, like, we told them we were stopping by.

• 1:13:32Nick Bare?

  They didn't clean up.

• 1:13:33Speaker 01

  Nope.

• 1:13:33Nick Bare?

  They didn't move things around.

• 1:13:35Speaker 01

  Come on in.

• 1:13:36Nick Bare?

  Just come on in and like. I, I saw that and I was like, wow.

• 1:13:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:13:41Nick Bare?

  This is where we need to get to.

• 1:13:43Speaker 01

  Yep. Yeah.

• 1:13:44Nick Bare?

  So the way, the way he breaks it down in the book.

• 1:13:48Nick Bare?

  Entertaining guests is when you clean everything. Make up nights, nice plates of food and batches of drinks and maybe get a sitter for the kids. At best, entertaining is where we honor our guests by offering an experience of comfort and beauty. At worst, entertaining is where we honor ourselves by showing off what we can pull off. In any case, hospitality is different. Hospitality is simply opening the door. Hospitality is welcoming someone into the unvarnished mess. It is inviting someone into the chaos because that's where real family happens.

• 1:14:29Nick Bare?

  We could take a page out of that book and be better at.

• 1:14:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:14:33Nick Bare?

  Hosting and hospitality as opposed to entertaining.

• 1:14:35Speaker 01

  Well, I think of, I just thought of both of our moms. And this isn't to dog either mom. Cause I've learned, like, I, I do, I love entertaining. I do. And I think there is a time for entertaining, right? Like, I just hosted a baby shower and pulled out all the stops for that. Like, that is a time to put all the effort in, make sure everything is beautiful and whatever.

• 1:14:53Nick Bare?

  But you were honoring Allison.

• 1:14:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:14:56Nick Bare?

  In, in that, uh. Intention of entertaining.

• 1:15:01Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:15:01Nick Bare?

  Which is good.

• 1:15:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, right. But I just, when you were saying all that, I was thinking about like how I grew up and like my mom, my grandma, everyone was like, you know, if you've seen like the Instagram video, it's like, make your bed. You haven't made it yet? Just throw out the bed. We don't have time. Like, that's how my mom was. Like, that's okay. And that's kind of how I am.

• 1:15:19Nick Bare?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:20Speaker 01

  And even just like being at Dee Dee's house, like you just mentioned, like,

• 1:15:25Speaker 01

  they're like the warmest hug of people ever. And yeah, I was like, wow, I do need to like care less, for sure. And I'm not saying like the way my mom was, isn't the way I want to be because like I have learned so much from her and I, every experience she curated for our family and friends was such a gift. But I want to be a good mix of both, right? Like I, I also want to be, I want Charlie to see me like sweaty from a workout. And like neighbors run over and be like, come on in. Yeah, come on, just come on in. Who cares? That, you know what? The thing is too, like, I don't even want to have to say like, excuse the mess. Maybe, maybe, whatever. But like, I shouldn't have to. But then I think about your mom, and while I really only got to see your mom host once or twice, I feel like your mom was more of like a come on in type of woman.

• 1:16:10Nick Bare?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:16:11Nick Bare?

  Yeah, we didn't really, we didn't really like clean up when people were coming over.

• 1:16:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, like I, I envy that. That's awesome.

• 1:16:18Nick Bare?

  There is a difference between being careless and caring less.

• 1:16:24Speaker 01

  Yes, I love that.

• 1:16:25Nick Bare?

  And you mentioned, uh, the careless, and I think caring less can be important in that context.

• 1:16:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:16:32Nick Bare?

  But it doesn't have to mean careless.

• 1:16:34Speaker 01

  For sure.

• 1:16:35Nick Bare?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's, yeah, that's a big difference.

• 1:16:38Nick Bare?

  So the future, where we're heading,

• 1:16:43Nick Bare?

  it's actually biblical. It's called sanctification.

• 1:16:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:16:48Nick Bare?

  And

• 1:16:50Nick Bare?

  I'm gonna read this off of what sanctification is.

• 1:16:54Nick Bare?

  The process of being made holy or set apart for God's purposes. It involves being separated from sin and being transformed to become more like Christ through the power of the Holy Spirit. The process is considered to begin at the moment of salvation and is a lifelong journey. So, we're on a lifelong journey now of being set apart for God's purposes. And that will guide everything we do into the future, which is super exciting because we don't know where it's gonna take us, what God has planned for us, but we know it's gonna be absolutely amazing because we are following His will.

• 1:17:35Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah, it's like I said, it's about to get a whole lot more adventurous and fun for us and everyone around us. And that's just how I wanna live my life.

• 1:17:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:17:48Nick Bare?

  Well, we've experienced absolute transformation.

• 1:17:51Speaker 01

  Yeah. Ooh, can I say one more thing?

• 1:17:53Nick Bare?

  Yes.

• 1:17:54Speaker 01

  So, I was thinking about this in my way here too. If, and this isn't like a, if your spouse isn't a believer, send this to them because chances are, like you heard from Nick earlier in this podcast, it's probably not gonna work. But what I do wanna speak into and who I want to encourage is if you are a husband or a wife and you're listening to this and you're like, you know, how Nick and Steph were, that sounds a lot like where I am right now. I just want to encourage you to stay the path and not even just stay the path, but like bunker down and make it your mission to get as close as you can to God and just don't stop praying about it.

• 1:18:37Speaker 01

  Because I'm not gonna say like, I never thought Nick could get here, because I never had that thought, but...

• 1:18:44Speaker 01

  If you feel that way, like I promise you, like, I hope that this whole conversation just encourages you. Like, it is going to happen. And the timing, you may not be able to control, but all you can do is plant seeds, stay in the word. Don't make your love for God in the way you praise Him and don't make it smaller, like, make it bigger and just be so confident and proud in it, and it will happen. Because I feel like I did do that. I, I did kind of minimize a little bit. Like, I stayed in a little box. And it's cool to see you being with me now on this journey, us together,

• 1:19:25Speaker 01

  like, there is no box anymore, which is really cool. So, I've just, I've gotten so many DMs from people being like, "My husband isn't there yet," or "My wife's not there yet." And I feel for those people, like, so much. And it's, it's a hard thing to go through, especially if, like, you have a spouse who isn't willing to go to church, if they're totally closed off to God. But my only advice for people is to just don't stay in the box and just, like, pray. Like, don't stop praying. Tell, like, tell people close to you to pray about it. Like, there's so much power in that. And just, um, don't go backwards.

• 1:20:05Nick Bare?

  Just keep being bold.

• 1:20:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:20:08Nick Bare?

  Romans 12:2. "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is, His good, pleasing, and perfect will." And I share that because since being more bold in public with my faith, there's been a lot of people who have said, "Hey, you're, I, I follow you for fitness information."

• 1:20:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:20:35Nick Bare?

  "You're a fitness platform. Stick to what I follow you for."

• 1:20:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's been, yep.

• 1:20:40Nick Bare?

  "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." My mind has been renewed. I am a, a new person. I've been reborn.

• 1:20:53Nick Bare?

  God is priority, then marriage, family, then everything else. So when it comes to what I'm going to share, this could be in that list of priorities.

• 1:21:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:21:06Nick Bare?

  God, marriage, family, then everything else. Well, that was a great conversation.

• 1:21:13Speaker 01

  It was good, yeah. I hope it helps people.

• 1:21:16Nick Bare?

  Yeah. Thanks for coming on.

• 1:21:19Speaker 01

  Thanks for having me.

• 1:21:21Nick Bare?

  Well, until next time, we'll see you guys.

• 1:21:25Speaker 01

  See you next time.