MBMBaM 797: Safe and Full of Grubs

If we’re describing a fictional scenario, then we might as well be doctor-teachers in it, right? We’ve got a dual PhD in borrowing chickens, with a minor in un-making bad television shows, and we’re very excited for our groundbreaking advancements in the field of Stroganoff. Suggested talking points: I Have Nipples Joker, Judas Cum Prudence, We say yes First and then we shit on it, Strogan-on, Beef juice Novak, Crowen Wilson Immigrant Defenders Law Center: https://www.immdef.org/

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

• 1:10Travis McElroy?

  Hello, everybody. Welcome to my brother, my brother and me and advice show from the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

• 1:15Travis McElroy?

  What's up, Trav Nation? I'm your middlest brother Travis Big Dog Wolf Wolf Vroom Vroom Big Unit McElroy.

• 1:20Griffin McElroy?

  What's, oh, welcome.

• 1:21Travis McElroy?

  No, actually, no, dude.

• 1:23Griffin McElroy?

  I think actually you need to, I think you need to drop on, no, no, no, stop, stop, stop. I like Big Unit. I like Big Unit. You need to lose something else. Cause I do think it pushes, I understand that this is debrand.

• 1:34Travis McElroy?

  It's getting a little, it's, it's giving you sedor. I think.

• 1:37Griffin McElroy?

  A little bit.

• 1:38Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, it's giving you sedor. Yeah, I get that.

• 1:40Griffin McElroy?

  But you need to drop one of the conditionals.

• 1:43Travis McElroy?

  Can I be Big Dog Unit?

• 1:46Griffin McElroy?

  Um, no, that, no, that sounds like an elite marine. We're Unit Big Dog and we got Osama Bin Laden. Like we need, it, just drop one of them.

• 1:55Travis McElroy?

  I'm Unit Big Dog.

• 1:57Griffin McElroy?

  Just think about it. I'm Griffin. Just think about it. I'm Griffin McElroy, the youngest. Thirty under thirty, media luminary, built Ford tough, fucking huge, huge dangar McElroy.

• 2:11Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I mean, it works.

• 2:13Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I guess. It doesn't, I don't know. It feels a little on the nose.

• 2:17Griffin McElroy?

  Justin, you started this episode. You kicked us off with such-

• 2:21Travis McElroy?

  Always do.

• 2:22Griffin McElroy?

  You always do, but you did this one like right after we did our sync, right after we did our count. You had such a robust energy that made me think like, this guy's got a fucking intro that is screaming to get out of him. That is absolutely-

• 2:33Travis McElroy?

  I think it sucks. I think it sucks that my, I think it sucks that my enthusiasm for recording a podcast for my brothers-

• 2:41Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 2:41Travis McElroy?

  Could be mistaken as a prepared competence.

• 2:46Travis McElroy?

  This is Griffin. This is all the build up. Griffin, Griffin, this is the, he's about to do the prestige now.

• 2:51Griffin McElroy?

  Rope a dope, you son of a gun.

• 2:53Travis McElroy?

  He's about to drop an amazing intro. Just give him the runway.

• 2:56Travis McElroy?

  I'm just a happy person. I'm just, I'm a-

• 2:58Travis McElroy?

  I'm happy about what, Justin? What's making you so happy?

• 3:01Griffin McElroy?

  Happy about the new Rowan Atkinson project that we're gonna fucking jazz on for, War with Grandpa 2's out, you say? Like, you've got something in the fucking holster.

• 3:10Travis McElroy?

  Wait, Griffin, the one where he's a serious detective and it doesn't appear to be a comedy? Is that the one you mean?

• 3:15Griffin McElroy?

  No, War with Grandpa, you do, we get grandmas in there. We gotta be careful, guys. I feel like it's a Beetlejuice rules where if we say the name of the movie one more time, we will end up talking-

• 3:23Travis McElroy?

  No, I'm, I'm saying that in, Rowan Atkinson has a new one where he's a serious detective and it's not a comedy.

• 3:29Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, is that true?

• 3:30Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Sorry wishlist. Much, sorry favorite.

• 3:34Griffin McElroy?

  Sorry fa- sorry fave. Gotta go fave real quick.

• 3:37Travis McElroy?

  Sorry, I faved it. Um-

• 3:40Griffin McElroy?

  Cue that, cue that shit up, Flix.

• 3:43Travis McElroy?

  Did you, did you guys know we're doing another, did you guys know we're doing another Fockers, by the way?

• 3:48Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, nice.

• 3:48Travis McElroy?

  I just found this out today. Did you know this?

• 3:51Griffin McElroy?

  No, that's cool.

• 3:51Travis McElroy?

  Did you know we're getting Fockered again? We're getting, the Fockers are back?

• 3:54Griffin McElroy?

  What are we calling it?

• 3:55Travis McElroy?

  America's favorite family, the Fockers.

• 3:57Griffin McElroy?

  What are we calling it this time? Cause it's 2026.

• 3:59Travis McElroy?

  What would you call it? What would you call it? Title it right now. Motherfuckers. Motherfuckers is Travis? It's, it's not, but god, man, it should be, huh? Go ahead. Griffin, what do you got?

• 4:11Griffin McElroy?

  Um, fucker, fucker family re- it's not anything cool. It's like fucker family reunion or-

• 4:19Travis McElroy?

  Fuck her, I barely know her.

• 4:22Travis McElroy?

  It's Focker in law.

• 4:23Griffin McElroy?

  Focker in, Focker in law?

• 4:25Travis McElroy?

  Focker in law. A young man named Henry, son of Greg and Pam Focker, faces family chaos when he decides to marry a strong willed woman who appears to be his complete mismatch. It is Ariana Grande.

• 4:37Griffin McElroy?

  Oh.

• 4:37Travis McElroy?

  We are having the time of our life.

• 4:39Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 4:40Travis McElroy?

  Isn't that weird that the first movie, I think it's just called Meet the Parents. And then at some point they were like, I think it's funny that we gave him the last name Focker and we should incorporate that into every future movie.

• 4:50Griffin McElroy?

  And it is good. It is.

• 4:51Travis McElroy?

  It's cool. Yeah.

• 4:52Griffin McElroy?

  We love it. They should have just called him fucker. That, what if they just had the courage of their convictions to call him the fucker fam?

• 5:00Travis McElroy?

  I think it's the interest, the most interesting thing about the meet the fuckers to me. And Focker in law, that's, I just thought it's great that we're going back. And yeah, Bob's back. Ben, Bob.

• 5:13Griffin McElroy?

  Ben, Bob, Billy.

• 5:14Travis McElroy?

  Owen, Terry, Skylar.

• 5:17Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, we got the Skylar, we got the Jizz?

• 5:20Travis McElroy?

  Dude.

• 5:21Griffin McElroy?

  Fucking say anything that you touch.

• 5:23Travis McElroy?

  I did swallow because I wasn't sure if we were all agreeing on the harder self G. So I kind of swallowed the.

• 5:29Griffin McElroy?

  You can't swallow the Jizzondo, Justin. That's.

• 5:33Travis McElroy?

  Please don't swallow the Jizzondo.

• 5:36Griffin McElroy?

  Hey, now some people prefer it. Now, listen, I'll see anything that dude's got. Can we be serious now? I'll see anything or purchase anything with Skylar Jizzondo in or on it.

• 5:48Travis McElroy?

  That's an influencer right there, folks.

• 5:50Griffin McElroy?

  Huge, hugely influential.

• 5:53Travis McElroy?

  Oh, man. Uh, Prosper Belazia plays elderly man on trail. If you're a Prosper Belazia fan.

• 5:59Griffin McElroy?

  Hell, yeah. Yeah.

• 6:00Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Uh, so meet the, this is what I want to say about meet the fuckers or meet the parents, or whatever it was. When he says, "I have nipples, Greg. Could you milk me?"

• 6:14Travis McElroy?

  Whatever I feel about that movie, I don't even think I've watched that whole movie, but I think that joke is so powerful that it escaped the bounds of that movie and etched itself in the American consciousness. And I think it is just the strength of, I have nipples, Greg. Right. Could you milk me? That is actually, I have said, not as like a sarcastic like, but it's just, you deploy it at the right time. Everybody loves that reference. It's a great, it's a great, pure, incredible joke. I don't think we need four movies about it.

• 6:46Griffin McElroy?

  He says in every movie, like, but with different, different inflection each time. Like at one point, there's an emergency where they need milk. And he's like, I have nipples, Greg. Could you milk me? And he's like, very sincere about it.

• 7:00Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. I love the one where he's like, I have nipples, Greg. And then Ben Stiller was like, I know. Like it's like, cause the audience knows, you know what I mean? Like, we know the rest.

• 7:11Griffin McElroy?

  I liked how the, I liked how the end of the Joker, he said it to the, to the Joker during the, the talk show, when he like got pulled the gun and he's like, you get what you fucking deserve. And he's like, hold up. I've got nipples. I've got nipples Joker.

• 7:29Griffin McElroy?

  Can you milk me?

• 7:30Travis McElroy?

  I'm laughing about how good the joke is.

• 7:33Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 7:33Travis McElroy?

  I really loved in, in the newest Die Hard, when he says, you be K A nipple fucker. And it's such a good, it's just a little wink. It is, you know, like you wouldn't catch it. It's a fun one. Catch it if he didn't know, if you weren't looking for it. It's such a good Easter egg.

• 7:49Griffin McElroy?

  Does he answer the question? Cause I, the, the correct answer is, I don't know. Maybe. I don't know what you're pack. I don't know what you're packing.

• 7:56Travis McElroy?

  That's true. Do you produce milk?

• 7:58Griffin McElroy?

  Do you produce milk? You tell me. I can't answer that question for you. It feels, it feels prying to, to tell the truth.

• 8:04Travis McElroy?

  I'm willing to try if you see it as a bonding experience.

• 8:09Travis McElroy?

  Like, are you sincere right now? That would be such a weird for everyone else at the table should have turned on Bob De Niro in that moment. Where he's like, I have nipples, Greg, and like, Dad, you know, that's not what he's talking about. And like, why the fuck would you bring that up? I'm glad you have nipples, Dad, that you're not some kind of like, I don't know, Kyle XY kind of clone thing, like completely smooth on your chest.

• 8:39Travis McElroy?

  Can I mention one of the media project to you guys?

• 8:42Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 8:42Travis McElroy?

  I've been.

• 8:42Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, and Travis, you're fucking his. Dude, the double fate. We thought that it was gonna be the fuckers thing, but he's got another one fucking ready.

• 8:49Travis McElroy?

  Oh, he left the call.

• 8:50Griffin McElroy?

  He left. He got too scared.

• 8:53Travis McElroy?

  To be, I think we need to be more gentle with this.

• 8:55Griffin McElroy?

  Be chill and gentle this time, because it's, we.

• 8:58Travis McElroy?

  Justin, you can come in. Okay. Yeah, when you're ready.

• 9:01Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, no, Travis, you made a face that was a little too, just like, we don't want anything. Nope, he's cut, he keeps disappearing. Shoot.

• 9:10Travis McElroy?

  Have you guys heard about the new Patrick Dempsey project?

• 9:12Griffin McElroy?

  No, man.

• 9:14Travis McElroy?

  I've only watched the trailers.

• 9:16Griffin McElroy?

  McDreamy?

• 9:18Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, McDreamy's back and I'm.

• 9:20Travis McElroy?

  Is it his, is it his new restaurant where you order plates for the table, Dempsey Dempsum?

• 9:25Travis McElroy?

  It's not. That's good, Trav. I really, I don't think that this new show is very tasteful and I don't think it should be a show. I do think it's an adaptation of a foreign show that I'm sure is very good. I'm sure this show itself is very powerful. I will say the trailers.

• 9:41Travis McElroy?

  It is a show called Memory of a Killer and this is the plot. I'm just telling you the plot from the show.

• 9:47Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 9:49Travis McElroy?

  Losing one's memory is a devastating hammer blow for anyone, but for Angelo Flannery, the stakes couldn't be higher. His hitman job would be perilous enough, but there's an added pressure. Angelo lives two totally separate lives. Fearsome New York City hitman and sleepy upstate Cooperstown photocopy here salesman and father.

• 10:08Travis McElroy?

  Having built and maintained a brick wall between the two worlds. Angelo has seamlessly juggled and compartmentalized for years, but now that's about to change. Because Alzheimer's is a foe he cannot run. And he already knows too well how this ends as his older brother is already lost to the condition.

• 10:26Griffin McElroy?

  So are we, are we rooting for Mr. Dempsey?

• 10:30Travis McElroy?

  And this, so the, well, the, the show is about, it's a, the, the tagline is about a man who lost his memory but gained a conscience.

• 10:39Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 10:40Travis McElroy?

  What we are, the, what we're supposed to understand is.

• 10:45Travis McElroy?

  The man will be at the photocopier store.

• 10:47Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 10:48Travis McElroy?

  And then he will open a closet.

• 10:50Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 10:50Travis McElroy?

  And inside that closet, there will be a dead body.

• 10:53Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 10:53Travis McElroy?

  And he will think, what the fuck?

• 10:55Griffin McElroy?

  I gotta call the cops.

• 10:57Travis McElroy?

  I gotta call the goddamn cops.

• 10:59Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 11:00Travis McElroy?

  I gotta get the cops on the phone. And then that's the show.

• 11:05Griffin McElroy?

  I also, can I?

• 11:06Travis McElroy?

  You know what I mean? Like, I don't know how they're gonna build drama out of the fact that the man, you know what I mean?

• 11:11Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 11:12Travis McElroy?

  It doesn't seem like it's gonna be a good show to watch, I guess, would be my main thing.

• 11:18Travis McElroy?

  They just kind of throw in there, don't they, that he's built a brick wall between those two things? Like, that's a thing one can do if they try?

• 11:26Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 11:26Travis McElroy?

  Like that I've, I've built a brick wall in my brain.

• 11:30Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 11:30Travis McElroy?

  To be like. What's called a mental wall.

• 11:33Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 11:34Travis McElroy?

  It's a foolproof system.

• 11:35Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 11:36Travis McElroy?

  They, I think the better version of it though, cause like they definitely want you to think that he's gonna be like, he's like, the photocopier thing seems cool. I would rather, just much rather be doing that.

• 11:46Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 11:47Travis McElroy?

  If I had to choose between these two lives. I do think it's gonna be a lot more fun to watch this guy in the murder business.

• 11:56Griffin McElroy?

  Murder, murder mode.

• 11:57Travis McElroy?

  The murder mode, and then all of a sudden, he's like, hey. I gotta sell this guy a copy.

• 12:04Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 12:04Travis McElroy?

  Like that he just mid mid things.

• 12:06Travis McElroy?

  Mid thing he looks over and sees like an outdated like Daisy wheel printer or whatever. And he's like, hey, timeout, timeout from the fight real quick.

• 12:14Griffin McElroy?

  Timeout.

• 12:15Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 12:15Griffin McElroy?

  That dot matrix, this dot matrix bullshit you've got going on back there is stuck in 1993, my friend. You need to get, get with the times. I it, is it like a, is it a transformation? Like when the full moon comes out, he becomes a killer. And then when it goes away, he's a photocopier salesman.

• 12:33Travis McElroy?

  I don't know, Griffin. I think it's why probably Alzheimer's isn't a great plot point for a TV show. Cause it doesn't work. There's not like magic rules.

• 12:41Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 12:42Travis McElroy?

  As far as I know.

• 12:42Travis McElroy?

  What is it?

• 12:43Travis McElroy?

  Oh no, I ate spicy food by Alzheimer's. I don't, yeah, I don't think it's like that. And I don't, I don't mean to make, I don't, I'm not making light of Alzheimer's. Like it just be, to be clear, I'm not making light of Alzheimer's.

• 12:57Griffin McElroy?

  Classically the least.

• 12:58Travis McElroy?

  Dreamy who should know better.

• 13:00Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 13:00Travis McElroy?

  Is, I guess. He's being a little distasteful, but not me.

• 13:04Griffin McElroy?

  Alzheimer's is famously the least funny sort of.

• 13:08Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 13:08Griffin McElroy?

  Condition or idea or thing.

• 13:11Travis McElroy?

  But I don't think, I do, I do feel like whoever came up with like, you know, there could be, what if my, what if this Alzheimer's story was a bit more exciting? It's like, I don't think anybody wants that really.

• 13:24Travis McElroy?

  No, no, no.

• 13:25Travis McElroy?

  That.

• 13:25Travis McElroy?

  I wanna see, I wanna see.

• 13:27Travis McElroy?

  This Alzheimer's story needs a body count. Like, I don't think that's what we've been missing, you know?

• 13:32Travis McElroy?

  I hope, I hope there's a scene where that brick wall he's built in his mind breaks down. And he realizes that he's made all this money from being like of a New York, like assassin guy.

• 13:43Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 13:44Travis McElroy?

  But also has chosen to work as a photocopier salesman. And that's completely unnecessary from all the money he earned as like a New York assassin. And he's like, fuck, man, I wish I'd remembered I had all this money so that I didn't have to put in nine to five.

• 13:58Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, it sucks.

• 13:59Travis McElroy?

  It's gonna be great when he pulls up to the photocopier place in a slick new Lamborghini. And they're like, where'd you get that? And he's like, I don't know, I guess being a hitman has its perks. They're like, no, you've never had that car.

• 14:11Travis McElroy?

  Did you just say, I guess I just took it from a guy I killed. A hitman has its perks?

• 14:18Travis McElroy?

  Is that where you go in the full moon comes out? Tell people I'm a hitman. Shit, shit. Cause of my canonical narrative Alzheimer's that works much like werewolf rules. Yeah. That I forget when the, when the moon sets. All right. Don't, there's still time, Patrick. You got two weeks before the show comes out. Yeah, it's too late.

• 14:40Travis McElroy?

  Shelve that one.

• 14:41Travis McElroy?

  No, that's Fox. That's going straight to TV. That's straight to broadcast. We had to get this one right in front of the grandparents immediately.

• 14:49Travis McElroy?

  With trailers for motherfucker or whatever, the fucker in law. There it is.

• 14:53Travis McElroy?

  Fuck her in law. This is an advice show, all right? And you send us your questions and we read them and then we help you. That's the way it works. I'm a teacher and I want to ride the bus to school, the yellow bus that takes the kids. Yep. I work in a rural area, so the buses sometimes travel long distances to pick up kids and deliver them to school. I live about 20 minute drive away. And I see the bus pass by my house before I leave most mornings. Definitely a lot faster to drive myself, but I don't like wasting fuel. And our teacher parking lot is not great. I often need to be at school earlier, stay late, but whenever I can, I'd love to take advantage of that ride that teases me as it passes by every morning. It's the only reliable public transportation we have around here. I don't actually know that it's against the rules.

• 15:39Travis McElroy?

  But I don't see anyone else doing this, so it has to be, right? Well, no. Well, well, I will say, I will say, well, outside of the educational profession. This is a hard no. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think you can see a school bus and say, well, the Chipotle I work at is pretty close to the elementary school. Yeah. I'll probably, I'll just skitch. I don't think that's, I don't think that's okay. Now that, actually, no, that is okay. If you're a teacher, you can skitch on, and I think actually, if regardless of your profession. If you get on the back of a bus, skitch style, it should be okay, cause you found a loophole and one that looks fucking cool at that. Yeah, dude.

• 16:23Travis McElroy?

  I imagine having to sit next to a teacher on the bus. Every day. Like, the teacher gets on the bus and it's like, what am I supposed to do? You know, like, are we? Yeah. My trouble? Are they a cool teacher? I think in that case, you need to have some kind of. Show, man. You need to have some kind of indicator of like, at what is it like when you enter a school zone? Now you're in teacher mode, but until then. Okay. Oh, a harsh. A hard. Like, sure. Friends. It's just tasty. Or like, or famously like memories of a killer from 30 seconds ago. Yeah. You walk off the bus. Um, I bet the bus driver would be stoked to have some adult company. Don't you think? Yeah, in the jump seat. In the.

• 17:08Travis McElroy?

  You must have those. Copilot, hello, you can do the special break. That's cool. Oh, that's, that would be cool. Yeah. What if they have vastly different interests? Well. You didn't see that coming, did you? Every day you get on the bus and they're like, did you see, hey, did you see that red-breasted lock this morning? It's like, no, Dan, as always, I don't look at the birds. I guarantee that they have at least, they have one thing in common and it's which of the kids are shitheads. Yeah. Right? The ability to be like, you ever had Derek on this bus? Oh, fucking Derek. Yeah. And then Derek's sitting behind them like, I thought I was doing better. Oh, shoot. I've really been working hard this year. I've been working on that.

• 17:52Travis McElroy?

  I think this is so smart. I would absolutely do this in a heart. This is not like a, I'm not speaking figuratively. I think this is great. Yeah. Kids are gonna get a big kick out of it. Yeah. You can get on there with like, I mean,

• 18:07Travis McElroy?

  absolutely uninterrupted sense of purpose. You are going to your job, you're, there's nothing more you could be doing, but you don't have to be doing anything. Yeah. That's a dream. That's beautiful. Well, you are, I think you are a little bit responsible for the kids, I think. If you are an adult and you're a teacher and you're on the bus, you're a little bit responsible for your kids, don't you? Okay, that's in, okay. Don't you think you're a little bit? That's interesting. So now it's like. No, well, let's figure that out, though. I don't think that's assumed. Right, right. You have like.

• 18:33Griffin McElroy?

  I figured it out already. You're absolutely culpable and responsible. You have now added extra job to your day. Awesome. This is like, this is like if every time I walked up the stairs to my office, I had to be making jokes the entire time I walked up the stairs.

• 18:49Travis McElroy?

  You think, okay.

• 18:51Griffin McElroy?

  That's not good.

• 18:52Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I guess. I mean, like, I think there's also a world where like, I think the cool teacher comes on and they're like, stub out a cigarette.

• 19:00Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 19:00Travis McElroy?

  On the floor and they're like, listen, I don't get paid to give a fucking shit about you.

• 19:05Griffin McElroy?

  You got it.

• 19:06Travis McElroy?

  Until we get through that door. Just don't be, I got a hangover. Don't be loud.

• 19:11Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 19:12Travis McElroy?

  Don't yell at me. I don't give a fuck.

• 19:14Travis McElroy?

  So what we're talking about here is a special pod within the bus.

• 19:17Griffin McElroy?

  So I was just thinking, a first class cabin situation on the school.

• 19:21Travis McElroy?

  Curtain of Zion, kind of.

• 19:23Travis McElroy?

  Something, something that says, not here, like this is, the rest of this bus is school.

• 19:31Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 19:31Travis McElroy?

  This pod is not school.

• 19:34Griffin McElroy?

  And maybe the pod pulsates a blue light and makes a loud humming noise when you go into it. So that the rest of the kids on the bus are like, what even is happening in there? Do you know, do you know about Mr. Dempsey? Yeah, he goes, I don't know why I use his name. He goes, he's the pod one, right? Yeah. Every day he gets on the bus with us, he goes into a special pod. There's a loud hum and a blue pulsing light and he comes out.

• 19:55Travis McElroy?

  He calls it the Taker's Lounge?

• 19:57Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 19:57Travis McElroy?

  Which is weird.

• 19:58Griffin McElroy?

  It's so crazy.

• 19:59Travis McElroy?

  Griffin didn't, Mr. Dempsey used to be an actor. What happened?

• 20:02Griffin McElroy?

  He did. He, he, I guess the wall came down and maybe that's what the pod is for. He looks the same when he comes out of the pod. It's not like a tanning booth or any, I, I don't know what's happening in there.

• 20:16Travis McElroy?

  You know, this is such a good idea to have a separate adult section, but like, we were so cavalier to get rid of smoking sections, weren't we? But like this, we didn't even think about the repercussions. We used to have a great little built in adult place, you know, a place where just adults could exchange ideas.

• 20:32Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 20:32Travis McElroy?

  Get their energy up.

• 20:34Griffin McElroy?

  A third, a third location.

• 20:37Travis McElroy?

  What it was.

• 20:38Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. I guess what we're saying is bring back smoking sections. Make smoking cool again. Right? That's what the question's about. Wait, hold on, I'm rereading it. I'm rereading the question here. I'm a teacher.

• 20:53Travis McElroy?

  I do think though, the one complicating factor, the only issue I have with this is.

• 20:58Griffin McElroy?

  Going back to seat selection on a bus and having to do that every single day. That's, that is.

• 21:04Travis McElroy?

  That's no good.

• 21:05Griffin McElroy?

  That's no.

• 21:05Travis McElroy?

  That's rough. I don't want to look at Jeremy and be like, and he's like, what's up? What's up, Dr. McElroy? It's so good to see you. I'm like, yeah, no problem. And Jeremy, it's so good.

• 21:14Griffin McElroy?

  This is you. Wait, hold on. This is you.

• 21:16Travis McElroy?

  This scenario and you're Dr. McElroy?

• 21:18Travis McElroy?

  I went back to school to get my doctorate.

• 21:21Griffin McElroy?

  Why did that, why did your character? Why did your character a?

• 21:25Travis McElroy?

  I'm not a, I'm not a teacher, right?

• 21:27Griffin McElroy?

  Right now?

• 21:28Travis McElroy?

  So I might as well be a doctor teacher. I mean, if I'm gonna be, it's just a thing I made up.

• 21:32Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 21:32Travis McElroy?

  Like, I might as well.

• 21:33Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, sure. Okay, can I?

• 21:36Travis McElroy?

  Then why go PhD? Justin, then why not, why not go like, like neurosurgeon or something? Why go PhD?

• 21:42Griffin McElroy?

  Cause why is he on the school?

• 21:43Travis McElroy?

  Why would I go get my P? You think I can pay back my fucking doctor? School bills on a teacher's salary? Travis, you're high.

• 21:49Griffin McElroy?

  So check this out. Check this out. I walk on the school bus. There's no public transportation in my city. And the only way that I'm able to get to my job at the school, I think, and be responsible to the environment is to take the school bus. So I jumped thirty feet into the bus and I go into my little pod and the bus driver's like, hello, Professor Spider-Man. And I'm like, hello. Uh, and I go in to my booth and in there.

• 22:15Travis McElroy?

  And the bus crashes and they say, is there a doctor on the bus? And Professor Spider-Man says, no, not me. And then I raise my hand. I say, I'm a medical doctor. I can help.

• 22:23Travis McElroy?

  Wait, you are now? You did go to medical school.

• 22:27Travis McElroy?

  I got my JD, Trav. I got, it's a dual degree.

• 22:30Griffin McElroy?

  PhD.

• 22:31Travis McElroy?

  Judas Prudus. I have a.

• 22:32Griffin McElroy?

  Judas Prudus, yeah.

• 22:34Travis McElroy?

  I have a dual PhD with Judas Prudus.

• 22:38Griffin McElroy?

  I grad, I graduated high school Judas cum Prudus.

• 22:42Travis McElroy?

  No, what sucked is, guys, this sucked, is I went to school to be a doctor.

• 22:47Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 22:48Travis McElroy?

  And then I got this special kind of amnesia. I forgot I was a doctor and then I went back to school.

• 22:53Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 22:53Travis McElroy?

  And I got, learned as a lawyer and then I built a brick wall.

• 22:56Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 22:57Travis McElroy?

  Between the two, this brick wall. And then.

• 22:59Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, then you had to sue yourself for medical malpractice.

• 23:03Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 23:03Travis McElroy?

  And it was very hard. You were on both sides of the case.

• 23:07Griffin McElroy?

  Court ready to meet this.

• 23:08Travis McElroy?

  This Dr. McElroy, everyone's so intimidated by, and imagine my terror when I found that that Dr. McElroy was me.

• 23:16Griffin McElroy?

  Is it possible to remake this Memory of a Killer show, real quick before it comes out? And make it so that the double life is-

• 23:23Travis McElroy?

  A remake, if you will.

• 23:25Griffin McElroy?

  Is he, the double life he is living?

• 23:27Travis McElroy?

  A remake?

• 23:29Griffin McElroy?

  His double life is that he runs a photocopier shop? And then, on the other side of the mental wall, he runs a different photocopier shop?

• 23:38Travis McElroy?

  Okay, if we're gonna remake it- A cost town! Yeah. If we're gonna remake it, then why not make it, he runs a photocopier shop? And there is, maybe he spills some soda or something on one of the photocopiers and accidentally photocopies himself?

• 23:50Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 23:51Travis McElroy?

  And now this other version of himself opens a rival photocopier shop?

• 23:55Griffin McElroy?

  This is cool. So like a clone comes out of the printing machine because he spilled a Coca-Cola on it? A Code Zero?

• 24:01Travis McElroy?

  It's already a Gravity Falls episode, guys.

• 24:03Travis McElroy?

  If we can get that endorsement, that would be, that would fund the movie, frankly.

• 24:07Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, that's cool.

• 24:08Travis McElroy?

  If we can get Coca-Cola.

• 24:09Griffin McElroy?

  That would be a cooler, that would be a cooler show.

• 24:11Travis McElroy?

  Oh, but the, the clone starts doing really well at photocopy sales because he knows the ins and outs. He was photocopying.

• 24:19Travis McElroy?

  He was photocopying.

• 24:19Travis McElroy?

  It's in his blood, toner's in his blood. It's called Toner Cloner?

• 24:23Griffin McElroy?

  Toner Cloners, good. Travis, that's like your ninth one. We've been going 24 minutes. That's like your ninth one, man. You're fucking on-

• 24:30Travis McElroy?

  I used it all up for the year.

• 24:31Griffin McElroy?

  You're on fire.

• 24:32Travis McElroy?

  Do you save Toner, do you save Toner Cloner Boner for the sequel? Or is it like?

• 24:37Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Um, that's what he says every time he messes up. It's his catchphrase. I made a Toner Cloner Boner.

• 24:43Travis McElroy?

  I challenged my dad, who lives in Southern California, to a quote, "big year", to see as many different birds as possible, January 1st through December 31st.

• 24:52Griffin McElroy?

  Just gotta Google that real quick and see if it's a thing.

• 24:54Travis McElroy?

  You know, like the movie The Big Year, with I believe, top of my head, Steve Martin.

• 24:59Griffin McElroy?

  Jack Black and Owen Wilson. I've never heard of this movie. This is fucking jam packed with talent. I live in Northern Illinois and did not anticipate him taking this challenge so seriously. He's already been to six different parks slash beaches and has seen 30 plus bird varieties. I've seen 12. How can I see more birds than my dad? We're both amateur birders, but he obviously has the advantage of location. That's from flipping the bird on him.

• 25:21Travis McElroy?

  Okay, first of all, you should have anticipated your dad taking this seriously. He's the dad of an adult person, I assume, since you're listening to the show and emailing us. And I don't like when I'm a dad and my kids have moved out and they're living their lives. The free time I will have.

• 25:39Griffin McElroy?

  Holy shit.

• 25:40Travis McElroy?

  To do things.

• 25:41Griffin McElroy?

  Unthinkable. Um, I a big, a big year is, is it is an informal competition among birders. Who try to identify as many species of birds as possible within a calendar year in specific geographic area. I've never heard of this before, but it's very, very, very, very powerful to me. And I feel like I've actually.

• 25:59Travis McElroy?

  Say it's kind of an underground thing, were it not for the major motion pictures starring Jack Black and Steve Martin.

• 26:04Griffin McElroy?

  Which again, I had not heard.

• 26:05Travis McElroy?

  Oscar award winner.

• 26:06Griffin McElroy?

  Had not heard of until this very.

• 26:07Travis McElroy?

  Griffin, will you Google, since you're already doing it?

• 26:10Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 26:10Travis McElroy?

  Do, do zoos count?

• 26:12Griffin McElroy?

  Do zoos count a big year?

• 26:15Travis McElroy?

  I can't imagine they do.

• 26:16Griffin McElroy?

  Do zoos wink? Do you count? I don't see why not, this guy on Reddit says, lots of birds.

• 26:22Travis McElroy?

  They're birds.

• 26:23Griffin McElroy?

  Lots of birds.

• 26:23Travis McElroy?

  Count them.

• 26:24Griffin McElroy?

  Lots of birds in zoos come from all over the world. Now fucking AI at the top is like zoos do not count towards a big year.

• 26:31Travis McElroy?

  Of course, of course, the bots would think that.

• 26:34Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, but the humans are like, fucking go for it, dude.

• 26:37Travis McElroy?

  I have a, I have a slam dunk. This is actually a good plan.

• 26:42Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 26:44Travis McElroy?

  You

• 26:46Travis McElroy?

  plan on a secret visit to your dad.

• 26:51Travis McElroy?

  For the holidays. You keep the race close. You don't tell your dad you're coming in. When your dad asks if you're coming in for the holidays. You say no. You say no. You say no. You say no, you lie. You get in a couple of days early. You see every fucking nasty feathery bitch that this guy has already seen, right? So you're eating his lunch completely.

• 27:15Griffin McElroy?

  Can I add?

• 27:16Travis McElroy?

  You show up and you're like, dad, it's.

• 27:17Griffin McElroy?

  Quick logistics thing, how do they, how do you, how do they do that? How do they see?

• 27:21Travis McElroy?

  However, the fuck you look at birds, Griffin.

• 27:23Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 27:24Travis McElroy?

  With your. I'm a strategist. With your binoculars and your notebook. But the idea is. Justin can't look at the birds for the question. I can't look at the birds for him, but he shows up and he looks at all the fucking birds.

• 27:34Griffin McElroy?

  In a few days, just like.

• 27:35Travis McElroy?

  He knocks out the location thing.

• 27:37Griffin McElroy?

  Plap, plap, plap, plap.

• 27:39Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 27:40Griffin McElroy?

  Griffin.

• 27:40Travis McElroy?

  And then he shows up and his dad. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. He cop sock on the door. He cop knocks because his dad grows weed and he wants to freak his dad out, right? Yeah. So he cop knocks. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.

• 27:50Griffin McElroy?

  It ain't hard. It ain't hard to freak that dad out.

• 27:54Travis McElroy?

  He goes up and is like. Oh, my God. Silly. And then it's like, dad. It's like, he's so happy to see you and you're like. You whisper in his ear like. Checkmate. Cause he's not, he can't go anywhere.

• 28:07Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 28:08Travis McElroy?

  Can't do anything. He doesn't know about the 30 birds you've just already seen while you've been kicking it.

• 28:13Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, that's awesome. You open up your plan. You open up your birder notebook and shun the list. He's like, oh, cool. And then it unfolds like a pornographic centerfold magazine.

• 28:21Travis McElroy?

  Keep unfolding, Dan.

• 28:23Griffin McElroy?

  Don't look away. You haven't.

• 28:24Travis McElroy?

  Watch. That's great, Justin. I, I have a slight, small suggestion that would require a little less work. Lie. No, okay, see Travis. If I say I saw.

• 28:39Griffin McElroy?

  Justin, let him cook. We say yes first and then we shit on it.

• 28:42Travis McElroy?

  If I say to you, I saw a fucking condor yesterday. I want you, Justin Maguire, to prove I didn't. Yeah, Travis, I, I will. I don't have to prove you didn't. I just don't have to give a shit. Do you know what I mean? Like, you can feel however you want and I will close that door in my heart and you'll never look at it again. You know, like.

• 29:03Griffin McElroy?

  Trust is the only commodity in the birder community. Once you lose that.

• 29:07Travis McElroy?

  This is what I'm saying, Griffin. It's all built on trust.

• 29:09Griffin McElroy?

  If you lose that, no one's gonna fucking. Yeah, no way. No one's gonna believe.

• 29:13Travis McElroy?

  That explains so much because I have not heard from my birder group chat since they said I saw the giant golden eagle from rescuers down under.

• 29:24Griffin McElroy?

  That specific one?

• 29:25Travis McElroy?

  Travis said he saw the luck dragon. And how many points is that?

• 29:28Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I saw Falkor the luck dragon. And he was wrestling, he was wrestling with the giant golden eagle from the rescuers down under. And then I realized they were actually mating. And they had a baby that was half luck dragon, half giant golden eagle from rescuers down under. And I saw it. I saw it.

• 29:50Griffin McElroy?

  I ate its eggs. So that's 20 extra points.

• 29:54Travis McElroy?

  Well, no, those were not Travis's eggs. Those were not Travis's eggs. So I wasn't allowed to have them.

• 30:00Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 30:00Travis McElroy?

  I had my own eggs from the poacher that I work for. It gave me those eggs.

• 30:05Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Awesome.

• 30:06Travis McElroy?

  Thank you very much. Anyways, they didn't believe me and now they don't invite me to things anymore.

• 30:12Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 30:13Travis McElroy?

  But that one was true. That one was actually true, guys.

• 30:16Travis McElroy?

  That one was real.

• 30:16Griffin McElroy?

  That one was really.

• 30:18Travis McElroy?

  You were on Periscope when that happened. So I remember it very clearly. Hey, you know where else, you know where I'd like to take you, Travis?

• 30:24Travis McElroy?

  Where?

• 30:25Travis McElroy?

  To the money zone. Oh, to the money zone.

• 30:37Travis McElroy?

  I feel like if you, if you, if you got a big idea, you want to get moving on it, beginning of a new year, you know, this is the time to start taking steps. And can I say, a great way would be to start a website. Hi, it's Justin McRoy, paid endorser. I, I think that-

• 30:54Travis McElroy?

  I thought you were just a regular Joe. I didn't realize you were an endorser.

• 30:57Travis McElroy?

  I'm a paid endorser.

• 30:59Griffin McElroy?

  Endorser.

• 31:02Travis McElroy?

  I think that building your own website for your-

• 31:04Travis McElroy?

  Get your own website.

• 31:06Travis McElroy?

  Is a great way of organizing your ideas and trying to figure out where you stand with them. You want to bring people into this vision? You share your website with them. Hey, everybody. I, I made this and it's gonna look great. It's not gonna look like you made it. It's gonna look good.

• 31:21Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, it's not gonna look like the bullshit you normally make. Justin's-

• 31:23Travis McElroy?

  Right. Trash. Yeah. It's gonna look primo. This is some, uh-

• 31:29Travis McElroy?

  Uncut website, bud.

• 31:31Griffin McElroy?

  Sorry, can you give me that, can you give me that folie again? Cause I've never heard quite, usually it's more of a smooch.

• 31:38Travis McElroy?

  It was dry and wet at the same time.

• 31:41Griffin McElroy?

  It's a dry and wide aperture sort of smack.

• 31:44Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 31:44Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. You don't, you don't, I don't think chefs do that. Like, let me taste that ragu.

• 31:57Travis McElroy?

  Delicious.

• 31:58Travis McElroy?

  Squarespace is a marketplace of ideas and they've been supporting this podcast for so long and we appreciate them so much. Head to Squarespace.com/MyBrother for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code MYBROTHER to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

• 32:15Travis McElroy?

  I want to tell you guys about Rocket Money because it's very realistically near and dear to my heart. One of my goals in 2026 is to be more financially responsible, have like full like budget of everything, keep track of everything, feel like an adult for the first time in 42 years. And Rocket Money has made that so easy and has really helped me on this journey. There were things when I logged on to Rocket Money that was like I had had to fill out a form once in like 2018 and I was like, yeah, free trial for this PDF filler thing and then I won't ever think about it again. And then it's been seven years of that and Rocket Money was there for me, not only in

• 33:00Travis McElroy?

  alerting me of that, but then also taking care of the cancellation for it. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. So it's not just the unwanted subscriptions, they will also not only track like your spending, but will alert you if something is coming up or if there's a big purchase made, all of these things. They'll categorize your transaction, they'll help you set your budgets. There's all kinds of stuff that Rocket Money can do for you and they help you save money. They have a full track record of it. So let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster.

• 33:44Travis McElroy?

  Join at rocketmoney.com/MyBrother. That's rocketmoney.com/MyBrother. One more time, rocketmoney.com/MyBrother.

• 33:52Griffin McElroy?

  Big ups, big ups to Rocket Money for literally just now reminding me that I am subscribed to an application that is a prank that makes it look like your screen is broken for $10 a week. Thank you so much Rocket Money for catching that one in the fucking dragnet. Yeah, man. Yeah, man. But Travis, the cracks look so convincing. I did not subscribe to this app, obviously.

• 34:15Travis McElroy?

  Oh, okay.

• 34:17Travis McElroy?

  It was Rachel.

• 34:18Griffin McElroy?

  It's Rachel. She loves pranks and doing pranks to me. She knows how much-

• 34:22Travis McElroy?

  I'll break your phone for $1 a week.

• 34:24Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, cool.

• 34:27Speaker 04

  Hello?

• 34:28Speaker 05

  Hello, I'm calling on behalf of the Beef and Dairy Network Podcast.

• 34:31Speaker 04

  No, I'm sorry. No sales calls. Goodbye.

• 34:33Speaker 05

  It's a multi-award winning podcast featuring guests such as Ted Danson, Nick Offerman, Josie Long.

• 34:38Speaker 04

  I don't know what a Josie Long is. And anyway, I'm about to take my mother into town to see Phantom of the Opera at last. You are wasting my time and even worse, my mother's time. She only has so much time left. She's 98 years old. She's only expected to live for another 20 or 30 years. Mother, get your shoes on. Yes, the orthopedic ones. I don't want that to carry you home again, do I?

• 34:56Speaker 05

  Right. Well, if you were looking for a podcast-

• 34:58Speaker 04

  Mother, you're not wearing that, are you? It's very revealing, mother. This is musical theater, not a Parisian bordello.

• 35:04Speaker 05

  Simply go to MaximumFun.org.

• 35:06Speaker 04

  I'm reaching for my Samsung Galaxy 4 as we speak. Mother! Mother, not that hat!

• 35:12Speaker 06

  Pokemon, Insecure, Love Island, Paramore. What do all these things have in common? Black people love them. That's where Black People Love Paramore comes in. We're a pop culture podcast, taking a funny look at the common and sometimes very uncommon things black people love. From asking why so many black kids were secretly emo, to debating whether Beyonce is underrated. Hint: she is. We're getting into all the things that make us feel a little bit more seen. Get it? And yes, everybody's invited, no matter your niche, we have room for you. Listen to Black People Love Paramore on MaximumFun.org and wherever you get your podcasts.

• 36:03Travis McElroy?

  I want a Munch Squad!

• 36:07Travis McElroy?

  I want two Munch Squad!

• 36:13Travis McElroy?

  Welcome to Munch Squad. This podcast, within the podcast profile, being the latest and greatest in brand eating. I did want to bring a quick update for everybody who has been waiting, all the Noodles and Co. fans like myself have been-

• 36:27Griffin McElroy?

  I consider myself part of the Co., frankly.

• 36:29Travis McElroy?

  That's beautiful, guys. That's beautiful. Good news, guys. Huh. Stroganoff is now Stroganon. Okay. Huh. Stroganoff is now Stroganon. So it's instead of being Stroganoff. It's now it is Stroganon. On. Okay. This looks like somebody accidentally just dropped some random chunks of beef into a bowl. Yeah. Noodles and Company, the fast casual known for craveable, globally inspired noodle dishes is bringing back a cult favorite steak Stroganoff. Can I just say globally inspired is the least anything as opposed to Mars?

• 37:13Travis McElroy?

  As opposed to like this is how they eat it on Venus. Yeah. Back by popular demand and available for a limited time only, Strog's wavy egg noodles are enveloped in a rich mushroom sherry cream sauce and finished with tender marinated steak. Yada, yada, yada. Fans begged, they pleaded, emotions ran high. Noodle and Company listened, bringing Steak Stroganoff back with an over the top return. Inspired by its fans loudest social pleas to honor the overwhelming demand. Noodles and Company turned real social posts into AI powered mini melodramas. What? Celebrating the fans' love and the influence it had on Stroganoff's return.

• 37:55Travis McElroy?

  This is just, it's just, this is just, this is just all of them now, I think. I worry this is gonna be all of them now. To celebrate your love, we just, we destroyed acres of forests. Our guests are at the center of how we shape our fucking menu, said Joe Christina. Whoa, did he? No, he didn't. Sorry. And fuck all the haters. Fuck the haters and fuck rice. Fuck my flesh world. I wanna be an AI man now. Put me in the noodle first. Fuck the haters. Fuck bread bowls. Fuck Yoki for real.

• 38:30Travis McElroy?

  Worth thankful for the fans who patiently, or sometimes not so patiently, waited for its return and were excited to welcome this nostalgic Thailand's favorite back as the temperatures drop. There's another quote, Steak Stroganoff fans did more than ask for its return. They showed us how deeply this dish is woven into their rituals, memories and cravings and we fucking listened. What does that mean? It means. It says, it means a stroke is everything. Stroke is everything. Strog means so much to our guest. That's what she said. Because Strog means so much to our guest. I didn't mean that in a Michael Scott way. I mean. Why would she say that? Strog means. Strog means so much to our guests. Who would say that? What is the context in which that would be suggested?

• 39:15Travis McElroy?

  And how did they show it? How did they show it? Were they pulling out clips from home videos of like, look, look, do you see what we're eating there? Steak Stroganoff and that was my dad's last day with us. Travis, I'm not going to leave this behind. Justin said, that's what she said after Strog means so much to our guests. I didn't, you didn't let me finish. I was trying to clarify. I didn't mean that in a Michael Scott sense. I meant she said out loud because Strog means so much to our guests. I was trying to think of a context, like if you were the ticket taker at like a pornographic movie theater. No, I'm saying she's directly quoted as using the word Strog. That's what I'm saying. Okay, that's cool. That is cool. Working with our creative agency, Fortnite Collective.

• 40:00Travis McElroy?

  We transformed real fan submissions into playful, over the top, dry magic. There's an AI in there. Dry magic reenactments using AI as a creative tool guided by human insight. To bring their words and emotions to life and celebrate the fandom behind this iconic dish. A, a shout out to marketers and people in advertising. Shout out, if you cannot see how quickly.

• 40:28Travis McElroy?

  How, how short you are making the bridge.

• 40:31Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 40:32Travis McElroy?

  Between the people that run noodles and company and just putting it into the computer, their goddamn selves. I really, my friend.

• 40:40Griffin McElroy?

  It's a great, great work.

• 40:41Travis McElroy?

  Well, now, the sun, the sun is setting, my, my, my friend. You.

• 40:46Travis McElroy?

  It took a lot of very skilled technicians and programmers to make the AI stop turning out images that said Joe Rogan off.

• 40:54Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 40:54Travis McElroy?

  It took a lot, the AI kept wanting to make it Joe Rogan off.

• 40:58Griffin McElroy?

  Well, it's.

• 40:58Travis McElroy?

  And they had to go in and really tweak the parameters.

• 41:00Griffin McElroy?

  It's the thing, Trav, where like AI doesn't know how many Rs are in the word strawberry. It's like that sort of thing where someone said Joe Rogan off once, and for whatever reason, that was like one of the first things it learned. And so if you try to peel that away, then the whole thing is gonna travel.

• 41:15Travis McElroy?

  Like a kid saying biscotti.

• 41:17Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 41:18Travis McElroy?

  Remember how you were talking about how can they prove that there's fans? From February 10th through February 25th. Noodles and Company is searching for its first ever cheek.

• 41:28Travis McElroy?

  It's not fair that I'm, I'm, should stumble on this when all these words are basically made up. You know what I mean?

• 41:35Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 41:35Travis McElroy?

  I'm not held accountable. Noodles and Company is searching for its first ever chief stroganoff officer.

• 41:42Griffin McElroy?

  All right. But I thought it was stroganoff. I do, I do, I do know that it is stroganoff now, so pick a fucking thing, guys.

• 41:50Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, they're, the casting call invites fans to prove they are not just steak stroganoff lovers, but true fanatics. This is the guest who never misses a stroganoff season, checks their noodles rewards religiously, and has been counting down the days since the dish disappeared last winter. Strogan honor guard.

• 42:07Griffin McElroy?

  Strogan honor, strogan, were you trying to, was that whole time you were trying to think of?

• 42:12Travis McElroy?

  Not the whole time. The winning monologue, guys, this is.

• 42:16Griffin McElroy?

  Monologue?

• 42:18Travis McElroy?

  This is an incredible prize. The winning monologue, whoever comes up with the best monologue about how much they love the stroke, will be transformed into one of Noodles and Company's AI-powered mini dramas. Featured across the brand's social channels and website.

• 42:33Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 42:33Travis McElroy?

  Are they gonna mic TV me?

• 42:35Griffin McElroy?

  It sounds like it, man.

• 42:38Travis McElroy?

  Now, I do want to tell you guys one other thing, and because I was feeling pretty down about this because I was so excited about it being stroganoff. And then the AI was like bumming me out.

• 42:47Griffin McElroy?

  Seems like we didn't really come back to the stroganoff thing.

• 42:49Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, it's like, whatever, but Arby's launches a new Italian beef dip sandwich. Now, Arby's.

• 42:54Griffin McElroy?

  Okay. I don't, I don't.

• 42:56Travis McElroy?

  They didn't already have one?

• 42:58Griffin McElroy?

  It's new.

• 42:58Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, no, they had, so they had the French dip.

• 43:01Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 43:02Travis McElroy?

  With the au jus, but now they got a new Italian beef dip. Cause they're going for it now. They're doing it like it is in Chicago. Well, to mark the launch, Arby's partnered with entertainer Whitney Levitt in a new digital spot that highlights the sandwich's Chicago roots and robust flavor profile. I, I don't know who she is. I think she's a Mormon dancer. But there's a, that's a, that's a, a thing you can be in, I believe. But in conjunction with the product debut, Arby's will host the House of Italian Beef. A limited time pop-up experience in New York City. Created in partnership with Chain, the experiential brand co-founded by actor and writer BJ Novak.

• 43:41Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 43:41Travis McElroy?

  The pop-up will be open to the public from January 23rd through the 24th. Designed as an interactive museum, the House of Italian Beef explores the history, culture, and craftsmanship behind Chicago's iconic sandwich, while offering attendees an opportunity to sample Arby's Italian Beef Dip.

• 43:59Griffin McElroy?

  There's been a tremendous opportunity that has been missed here, it feels like, to me. A partnership with BJ Novak, that's huge. You can do, you can do a lot with that. But it seems like you haven't done the best thing with that, which is a commercial series in which he gets up there and says, and now I'm proud to announce that BJ stands for beef juice. I'm beef juice Novak and I have been this whole time. And I'm excited to tell you about my new Arby's sandwich. Take it from me, beef juice Novak, it's, it's a squishy one, folks. Wet as hell.

• 44:33Travis McElroy?

  Fox Entertainment in 2023 acquired a stake in BJ Novak's food experience company, Chain. You remember BJ Novak, man?

• 44:42Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 44:43Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, he's, he just did a different, he just did a different thing. And he opened up his whole, whole own restaurant thing.

• 44:51Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 44:51Travis McElroy?

  This is, when, when Fox invested in it, this is what BJ Novak said. This is just, we love quotes here, I must quote, we love quotes. Food continues to define culture. It's how we celebrate, how we remember, how we connect. No one understands how to turn culinary storytelling into cultural obsession like Fox Entertainment and Studio Ramsey Global. We're excited to work together to bring chain experiences to more people, said BJ Novak, the guy from the office.

• 45:17Griffin McElroy?

  Um.

• 45:18Travis McElroy?

  Well, actually, Justin, he sold that too. It's the guy from the beefest now.

• 45:21Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 45:22Travis McElroy?

  He sold the rights to being called the guy from the office to Arby's and he's the guy from the beefest.

• 45:27Griffin McElroy?

  He's the, they've changed the whole show. Have you not watched?

• 45:29Travis McElroy?

  BJ Novak, man.

• 45:30Griffin McElroy?

  I have not.

• 45:30Travis McElroy?

  He's always out there doing something.

• 45:32Griffin McElroy?

  Have you not watched The Office since the Arby's company bought it and changed it to be all the?

• 45:36Travis McElroy?

  Is that what the paper is?

• 45:37Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, the paper is, yeah, they're really backdooring the beef side of the.

• 45:42Travis McElroy?

  They're backdooring. The paper that they wrap the sandwiches in.

• 45:45Griffin McElroy?

  They backdoored the beef pretty hard on this one. Um.

• 45:49Travis McElroy?

  It's stroking on when they backdoor the beef.

• 45:52Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 45:52Travis McElroy?

  Oh, I.

• 45:53Travis McElroy?

  It's stroking on when they're backdooring this beef.

• 45:55Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Just stroking on my backdoor till I beef.

• 46:01Travis McElroy?

  Ah, nothing. I didn't realize how important stroke was to me until this time.

• 46:06Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, dude.

• 46:07Travis McElroy?

  That's what she said.

• 46:08Griffin McElroy?

  I tried to do my rituals without it and they didn't fucking work.

• 46:12Travis McElroy?

  Didn't work.

• 46:13Travis McElroy?

  The viscosity.

• 46:17Travis McElroy?

  It's a viscosity issue.

• 46:19Travis McElroy?

  BJ's not gonna use AI in his Italian beef sandwich restaurant.

• 46:24Griffin McElroy?

  Well, hopefully he will. Italian has AI in it.

• 46:27Travis McElroy?

  I hope. That's true. You can't spell Italian without BJ Novak's chain.

• 46:32Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 46:32Travis McElroy?

  It's got AI right in it.

• 46:33Griffin McElroy?

  Right there.

• 46:36Travis McElroy?

  BJ, you can have that for free if you want to put that in your comp- just capitalize the AI and triple your net worth.

• 46:42Griffin McElroy?

  That's really sweet that you think he heard the thing about beef juice Novak and continued listening to the show. And wasn't immediately like, I've gotta go, I have to do this before someone else takes.

• 46:52Travis McElroy?

  He's strolling on the phone with his private yacht dealer right now.

• 46:55Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. You made a beef juice sandwich and you partnered with a guy whose initials are the same as beef juice. That's crazy, guys. You fucked that up.

• 47:02Travis McElroy?

  Right there.

• 47:02Griffin McElroy?

  Maybe if you used your fucking brains for a second and said, having the computers do it for you, the neurons, computer can't think of something like beef juice Novak. Guarantee you a million computers out of a million.

• 47:12Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, we need to have a Griffin versus computer off to see who can think of beef juice Novak faster. It's a very niche competition, admitted.

• 47:22Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I'd smoke it, dude. Like, there's stuff it can do, but I would smoke its ass at that. I would smoke its robot ass. Um, let's do another question.

• 47:32Travis McElroy?

  Brothers, after any rainstorm, we get an ungodly amount of grubs on our back patio. We have tried everything we and Google could think of, but they stay for ages and return every time. I cannot own a chicken in my neighborhood and I really don't want one. That's a fucking crazy sentence.

• 47:49Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, dude, say it again.

• 47:51Travis McElroy?

  Anyways, back to the question. As I was saying.

• 47:57Griffin McElroy?

  They were doing fucking text to speech on their phone, sending this question and when I.

• 48:01Travis McElroy?

  I'm chicken, uh, chickens for sale. No, I can't have one of my backyard, I don't want to. Anyway, scrubs in the back patio.

• 48:08Griffin McElroy?

  Take this beautiful fertilized egg. I, I, I can't have chickens in my house and I do not want one. Anyway, so guys, the grub.

• 48:17Travis McElroy?

  I'm trying to email a podcast in here. I'm in my pod, Derek, I told you not to talk to me.

• 48:26Travis McElroy?

  But can I say one more thing?

• 48:28Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, please, dude.

• 48:30Travis McElroy?

  For the future, not wanting to own a chicken is enough. You know what I mean? Like, it doesn't have to also be illegal. Like, it's enough to not. One of those two excludes it. My city said I could, but I don't want one. My city said I can't, and I do want one. Either way. I would like to borrow someone else's chicken for a day or two. But how, where, where do I go to borrow a chicken? And how can I convince them that I will return their chicken safe and full of grubs and definitely not eat it? That's from Battle for Books and Billings. If you don't know how on earth it would ever happen. It may be because it has not happened on earth yet. That is a possibility.

• 49:14Travis McElroy?

  Yet, it may be you're, this is where you find, this is where opportunity exists. It's in that narrow crevice between good ideas and bad ideas, you know what I mean?

• 49:24Griffin McElroy?

  And we live in that fucking crevice, dude.

• 49:26Travis McElroy?

  That's opportunity. My neighbor's got chickens.

• 49:30Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 49:31Travis McElroy?

  That's illegal, Travis. They can't have the chicken.

• 49:33Griffin McElroy?

  No one is.

• 49:35Travis McElroy?

  I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna say which neighbor or where I live or where they live. But they also did get a rooster, um, which isn't as bad as I thought it would be. But man, if roosters only crow when the sun's up, that guy has no idea what time it is.

• 49:51Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, now that's an interesting idea, Trav, is crows. Why does it have to be chickens? Maybe there's ways to attract birds to your yard. Like, no, whatever the opposite of a scare. Do they make a scarecrow, but it's just like a sexy?

• 50:05Travis McElroy?

  Welcome crow.

• 50:06Griffin McElroy?

  A sexy bird that people-

• 50:07Travis McElroy?

  Alluring crow.

• 50:09Griffin McElroy?

  An allure, yeah.

• 50:11Travis McElroy?

  Crow is really smart. You can probably just pay them and give them like fair wages and insurance benefits and stuff.

• 50:16Griffin McElroy?

  That's it. You don't need to pay them. This is a sweet spot. You've got a fucking bird paradise.

• 50:21Travis McElroy?

  You're offering, right?

• 50:23Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, they should be paying you to come in.

• 50:26Travis McElroy?

  It's actually sick that you're offering these grubs even a chance to stay a part of the great chain. You know, I think that's beautiful because I, I'm pretty sure if there was a bunch of grubs outside of my house, I'd, I'd knock them out of the great chain with a pressure washer like extremely quickly. So I think it's beautiful that you're trying to come up with a really natural solution to the problem.

• 50:46Griffin McElroy?

  When you blast them with the pressure washer, though, they absolutely fucking explode, dude. Don't their nutrients go down into the soil to become enrichment for the corn or whatever?

• 50:54Travis McElroy?

  That's true.

• 50:55Griffin McElroy?

  I don't think you can blast something out of the circle, dude.

• 50:58Travis McElroy?

  That's true.

• 50:59Griffin McElroy?

  I think it's hubris to think you even can.

• 51:01Travis McElroy?

  It can't, the, the circle can't be created or destroyed, Justin.

• 51:04Griffin McElroy?

  No, it can't be broken. You can make it have a bit of more of a circuitous route in the circle. Like, if you blast-

• 51:11Travis McElroy?

  I just, I guess, I feel like nature and fate has arranged those molecules to be those grubs. And I feel like they could hang out together a bit longer, but when I put on the zero degree nozzle, those molecules are no longer in a grub-like orientation.

• 51:25Griffin McElroy?

  They're vaporized.

• 51:26Travis McElroy?

  Star stuff. They have returned as to dust.

• 51:28Griffin McElroy?

  So, but that's why I'm saying, Juice, a bird suit-

• 51:30Travis McElroy?

  Every breath you take has, has a little bit of Julius Caesar's Last Breath and a little bit of grubs from a back porch.

• 51:35Griffin McElroy?

  The grub that you pressure washed out of your, out of your grass in your yard, which I cannot imagine.

• 51:41Travis McElroy?

  Real plane, you know?

• 51:42Griffin McElroy?

  I keep losing track of this conversation because I blew those grubs out of reality so bad, I don't know what we're talking about.

• 51:48Travis McElroy?

  It actually poked little holes in reality.

• 51:50Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 51:51Travis McElroy?

  That's like causing some issues.

• 51:52Griffin McElroy?

  And fucked your yard, fucked your yard up real bad. Real, real, real, real bad.

• 51:58Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, but it's worth it. I'd do it again. Fuck grubs. The tiny screams make it all worth it. I want to help somebody else. I got a few minutes. I recently started going to pelvic floor, physical therapy twice a month. Up appointments can range from yoga like stretches to internal exams in my various holes. I've learned that making conversation with my physical therapist during it relaxes me both mentally and physically to make my sessions more productive. What are some topics for conversations I can have with my doctor that aren't too invasive during my invasive therapy? For reference, we are both she, her people. That's from keeping it low key in the down low. Okay. You've come to the exact right place.

• 52:39Griffin McElroy?

  Okay. Didn't know where that sentence was going.

• 52:42Travis McElroy?

  My brother Griffin is an expert in the field.

• 52:45Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I definitely didn't have to just Google what a pelvic floor was. So.

• 52:50Travis McElroy?

  It's the opposite of a pelvic ceiling. He's being modest.

• 52:53Griffin McElroy?

  There's a lot of stuff happening down there that we've sort of grouped together as the pelvic floor. That's what I've learned about the big year and the pelvic floor in this one episode of this education.

• 53:04Travis McElroy?

  You can write down spotting the pelvic floor in your big year notebook.

• 53:08Griffin McElroy?

  Let me write that down. I heard it. I heard the pelvic floor.

• 53:11Travis McElroy?

  You guys, hey, you guys could talk about Stranger Things. There's going to be lots of opportunities to bring that up. Right? Like my upside down, right? Bring that up.

• 53:21Griffin McElroy?

  That's funny. Yeah. And you can keep doing that, too.

• 53:24Travis McElroy?

  There's lots of portals that open up in Stranger Things.

• 53:28Griffin McElroy?

  That's true. I don't think that that's, I think that's pretty yucky, but.

• 53:33Travis McElroy?

  This is why everybody's gotta memorize a thousand great jokes.

• 53:39Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 53:40Travis McElroy?

  If you memorize a thousand great jokes, you're going to be the hit of every party. There is no pelvic floor exam that can withstand a thousand great jokes.

• 53:49Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 53:50Travis McElroy?

  Please. You're going to have themed ones. You're going to have ones that are pelvic floor. I'm saying if you order this book of mine right now.

• 53:57Griffin McElroy?

  Oh.

• 53:58Travis McElroy?

  Two payments, 1999, we're going to get you a hundred great jokes within the next four to six business weeks. Can I just make one payment of like, what 38? We haven't printed all, we haven't printed all a thousand great jokes. So it starts with a hundred.

• 54:13Griffin McElroy?

  Have you not printed them or have you not come up with them?

• 54:15Travis McElroy?

  I've not written them. So this is a Kickstarter. This is a Kickstarter, Griffin, and you are currently violating an NDA.

• 54:23Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 54:23Travis McElroy?

  So do you want users to submit their great jokes?

• 54:27Travis McElroy?

  I would love that. You can, instead of buying the book, if you just want to submit, say, 50 great jokes, or 60 great jokes, then I can send you one. That's no problem. I'll send you one of the later ones, though.

• 54:38Griffin McElroy?

  Will you accept a lot of grubs instead? I don't have jokes or money, but I do have grubs out the wazoo.

• 54:44Travis McElroy?

  You get the grubs. You give them to the crows to write the jokes for you.

• 54:48Griffin McElroy?

  Please.

• 54:48Travis McElroy?

  The crows write the jokes.

• 54:50Griffin McElroy?

  Crows are so...

• 54:51Travis McElroy?

  We don't need AI. We need a lot of crows.

• 54:54Travis McElroy?

  We need a lot of crows. They're smart.

• 54:56Travis McElroy?

  We need a lot of smart crows. Sid showed me a video of a crow talking yesterday, and then I was supposed to go about my day.

• 55:03Travis McElroy?

  What?

• 55:04Travis McElroy?

  After seeing this crow say, "Wow," and "Mom," and stuff like that.

• 55:09Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah. I hope they don't learn to talk too much.

• 55:11Travis McElroy?

  Was it Crowen Wilson?

• 55:13Griffin McElroy?

  Trav.

• 55:14Travis McElroy?

  Wow.

• 55:16Travis McElroy?

  Wow.

• 55:24Travis McElroy?

  Damn it! God, son of a bitch!

• 55:32Travis McElroy?

  Hey, thanks so much for listening to our podcast. I hope you've had half as much fun as we have.

• 55:38Travis McElroy?

  We've had a real good time here, folks. Trav, I was listening to an old, this is relevant slightly, I was watching a clip of the second episode of the the MBMBaM TV show, and I heard a joke of yours. It was kind of a burn on me that I've literally never clocked and I've watched it 20 times. It's when I'm trying to say ghost beef, and I'm coming out of the closet in the dorm room, and I'm laughing so hard and I can't get it out. And you say, "Whoa, pal, save some laughter for the rest of us." It's such a mean thing to say to somebody.

• 56:12Griffin McElroy?

  That was, I think, our first day of shooting as well.

• 56:16Griffin McElroy?

  Oh God. Hey, uh, thank you so much. What we got? What do we have going on? What we need to tell people? What's up?

• 56:21Travis McElroy?

  Well, Clubhouse uh is returning next Tuesday, January 27th at noon Eastern time. Uh, we're going to be streaming uh Clubhouse from now on on the last Tuesday of each month. Uh, we've also got Super McRoy Brothers. It's going to be this Tuesday at noon Eastern time, and we'll stream all other Tuesdays. Make sure to follow at McRoy Entertainment System on Instagram for all our gaming content. Also, there's very few, I think four at the time of recording, uh, packages remaining for Champions Grove. Those are going to be 10% off uh for a new year, new year, new fun time special. Go to ChampionsGrove.com and check those out. If you've already purchased

• 57:02Travis McElroy?

  your package, you'll be able to get first grab at the available sessions and stuff like that. Uh, ChampionsGrove.com. We've also got some new merch.

• 57:11Griffin McElroy?

  Can I do the merch?

• 57:12Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I was gonna throw it off to you.

• 57:14Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, okay.

• 57:14Travis McElroy?

  Wow. Tell us about it, Griffin.

• 57:16Griffin McElroy?

  I want to tell you about the merch over at McRoyMerch.com. There's a lot of it. Uh, there is a Balance Bundle for Taz Balance. It's got a Taz Dice Tray, set of Bureau Balance Dice, and a Zone Cast Car Decal. You can really rep the uh, the OG set from the Adventure Zone, and 10% of all of our merch proceeds this month will be donated to Immigrant Defenders Law Center. Again, all of that is over at McRoyMerch.com. If I could do a quick plug, my Choose Your Own Adventure book comes out in uh, less than two months, on March 10th. It's called The Stowaway, and you can preorder it now. It'd be very helpful to, to me. Uh, at bit.ly slash GriffinStowaway. Um, it's, I'm, I'm very proud of it and uh, very, very stoked for that to come out. Thanks to Montane.

• 58:00Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 58:01Griffin McElroy?

  Thanks to Montane for the use for a theme song, "My Life Is Better With You." Um, I, I, I really enjoy um, the, the words of that song. Talk a lot about the music, and I am so distracted because Travis has a little duck that he's.

• 58:15Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I'm thinking about throwing this duck.

• 58:16Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, yeah, baby, that's gonna make a good sound.

• 58:20Travis McElroy?

  I've got a lot of shit behind me.

• 58:23Griffin McElroy?

  You need to set up like a pitcher's, we all need like a pitcher's mat.

• 58:26Travis McElroy?

  I was thinking I could throw it at my chair.

• 58:27Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, um.

• 58:28Travis McElroy?

  Don't make a big meal out of it. Just throw it at the chair.

• 58:31Griffin McElroy?

  And here is Travis's heater for the big boy. It is a small, plastic, purple duck, about the size of my fist.

• 58:37Travis McElroy?

  You talked over it.

• 58:38Griffin McElroy?

  I talked over it, Travis. Can we get one more throw, my friend?

• 58:43Griffin McElroy?

  Just one more, a good one. Really hum it.

• 58:45Travis McElroy?

  Hey, can I have our Spotify play button?

• 58:49Griffin McElroy?

  Hum it.

• 58:50Travis McElroy?

  I want the U2 award.

• 58:51Griffin McElroy?

  That was good.

• 58:52Travis McElroy?

  Travis, one more. Travis, I was talking, and I promise this is not gonna be a bit, because I have to use the bathroom so bad, I'm gonna die.

• 58:59Griffin McElroy?

  Okay. The chair isn't making a very...

• 59:03Travis McElroy?

  My name's Justin McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy.

• 59:05Griffin McElroy?

  Travis McElroy.

• 59:07Travis McElroy?

  Square on the lips.

• 59:42Travis McElroy?

  Maximum Fun.

• 59:43Speaker 06

  A worker-owned network of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.