Pod Insights My Brother, My Brother And Me MBMBaM 796: Wire and Ass About this episode Get your giant jug of colon cleaning juice and settle in for some wisdom, hard earned through Wire and Ass. We have advice about stolen slippers, royal ice cream, and the horrors of group chat. And obviously, yes, about bathrooms.
Suggested talking points: Re-Laxative, Thirty-to-Thirty-six Boogie boards, Notice Us Squarespace Senpai, I’m Unjealous, Splash-Jug Taylor
Immigrant Defenders Law Center: https://www.immdef.org/
Transcript Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Speaker 00 The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?
1:11 Travis McElroy? Hello and welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me, an advice show for the modern era where apparently we're not even allowed to cough anymore. You weren't coughing. On the oldest brother.
1:19 Griffin McElroy? You took a giant apple off the ground. Why was it on the ground?
1:22 Travis McElroy? And you waited until we had- It's an audio podcast. We finished the sync.
1:26 Griffin McElroy? Like we synced and then you knew it was game time and you reached down-
1:30 Travis McElroy? And then you were like, bite of apple. They had a coughing fit.
1:33 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
1:33 Travis McElroy? You didn't!
1:34 Griffin McElroy? A chewing fit.
1:35 Travis McElroy? That sounded like me eating an apple, but like- And looked like.
1:37 Griffin McElroy? And looked like it. We saw it. Why was it on the ground? Why did you have a ground apple though?
1:42 Travis McElroy? We have done so much work on our video setups, Justin, for you to keep saying, "That's not for them."
1:49 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
1:49 Travis McElroy? Guys, I've sipped, can I just say, I've sipped so greedily from the chalice of life-
1:55 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
1:55 Travis McElroy? Since we last recorded. I both saw the third Avatar movie and had my first colonoscopy. At the same time? No, that would have been very convenient.
2:04 Griffin McElroy? Even though that is the way that the director Jim Cameron did intend for you to see the third.
2:09 Travis McElroy? Fire and ass.
2:11 Griffin McElroy? Wire, wire and ass is.
2:14 Travis McElroy? Guys, can I just tell you, this is, I won't tell you, which do you want to hear about?
2:19 Griffin McElroy? Shit, man.
2:20 Travis McElroy? Can you talk about them both?
2:21 Travis McElroy? Can you talk about it in a way that it applies to both of them at the same time?
2:25 Griffin McElroy? Compare and contrast.
2:26 Travis McElroy? Yeah, that's cool.
2:26 Travis McElroy? Well, I meant like make big, broad, general statements.
2:29 Griffin McElroy? It took longer than I would have wanted, like that kind of stuff.
2:33 Travis McElroy? Right. There were some surprisingly funny parts.
2:36 Travis McElroy? Okay.
2:38 Travis McElroy? I liked it when the whale talked.
2:39 Travis McElroy? There was a twist.
2:40 Griffin McElroy? Sigourney Weaver was there.
2:42 Travis McElroy? When I sat down, that Slice and I, we're gonna go see Fire and Ash. Dad was going to see a movie with the girls at the same time, so we're just gonna hitch a ride, you know, and really embrace Fire and Ash, like really get, get deep into the world.
2:57 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
2:58 Travis McElroy? And I pulled up my app, my special app I use to tell me when to pee, you know, run pee.
3:02 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
3:03 Travis McElroy? And I, and I saw it said, three hours and 15 minutes until credits. And I tried to like, I figured it was a bug, so I tried to make my phone refresh.
3:14 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
3:15 Travis McElroy? And I looked at Slice and I said, Slice, is this motherfucker three hours, 15 minutes long? And I almost at that point was like, I, not even for the Vine, my man, not even, I have to go. I can't stay for Avatar.
3:26 Travis McElroy? Has anyone let Jimmy Cameron know that they have let him make multiples of these and he doesn't have to squeeze it all?
3:33 Griffin McElroy? He does have to squeeze it all in. Just curious how many pee breaks were in this bad boy, cause that sounds like three dozen, like good fertile ground.
3:40 Travis McElroy? I took five.
3:41 Griffin McElroy? All right.
3:42 Travis McElroy? I will, I took five and one of them, I went and bought gummy snakes and then found the theater that my kids were in watching SpongeBob.
3:52 Griffin McElroy? Oh, yeah.
3:53 Travis McElroy? And went and just saw how they were doing, brought them some gum, like just checked in on them for a little bit, just like a little field trip in the middle of, middle of Jim's vision.
4:01 Travis McElroy? I haven't checked the runtimes, Justin, but I imagine there's some disparity between SpongeBob and Avatar 3.
4:08 Griffin McElroy? Did they see it twice? Do they do it back to back?
4:10 Travis McElroy? Yeah, when they finished, did they just wait the hour and 45 minutes for your movie to be done?
4:14 Travis McElroy? Hey, guys, there's a lot to do at Pullman Square.
4:18 Griffin McElroy? Sure.
4:18 Travis McElroy? I don't know if you've noticed, but it's not just a movie theater anymore. There is a Chico's.
4:22 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, sure. So did you see the movie? Cause you made it sound like you left the movie because you thought it would be too long.
4:29 Travis McElroy? No, I left in the middle of the movie for a while and then came back. This movie was so long that I like, I disassociated and then had the thought like, there is no way this movie is still going. I like completely left spiritually too. That doesn't count the five physical absences that I took during the movie.
4:48 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
4:49 Travis McElroy? Uh, which will be a really new textured experience when I watch at home.
4:52 Griffin McElroy? Right.
4:53 Travis McElroy? With the family gathered around.
4:54 Griffin McElroy? Now, were you able to-
4:55 Travis McElroy? Suddenly it will all make sense.
4:56 Griffin McElroy? Were you able to similarly kind of astral project while you were getting your butt examined? Your butt and butthole looked at.
5:04 Travis McElroy? Do you guys know about the, the whole, I had to drink, I had to drink a liter of diuretics. In addition to not eating the day before, I had to drink four liters of diuretic. I didn't drink a jug this big.
5:22 Griffin McElroy? That's a big jug.
5:23 Travis McElroy? And they're like, when I caught, when I, they're like, we're about to start, this is the, how you do the prep. And they hand me this huge jug that I had to drink. And they chanted your name and said, down in one, down in one. This is no problem for me. I can drink lots of stuff. No problem. It looked like your big jug that you have, Griffin, your big water jug. But then-
5:42 Griffin McElroy? A big motivational jug.
5:42 Travis McElroy? There's a twist in the instructions where you have to start drinking at six. So I had to start drinking at 6:00 PM the night before my procedure. And then every 15 minutes, another cup. So like every, I did my own little power hour.
5:59 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, sounds like it.
6:00 Travis McElroy? Diuretics.
6:01 Griffin McElroy? Johnny, Johnny Forty Hands with fucking diarrhea juice.
6:04 Travis McElroy? You were allowed to sleep though, right? Oh Trav, that's so interesting. Legally, yes.
6:13 Travis McElroy? From a, from a legal perspective, no judge would have-
6:17 Griffin McElroy? Hygienically?
6:18 Travis McElroy? As you sloshed around like a hot water bag. This was the actual procedure. I had to drink every 15 minutes, a cup of it. And then at fir-, for the first hour, I was like, I don't think this laxative is working. And then I was wrong.
6:33 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
6:33 Travis McElroy? And then I, I did that for three hours, every 15 minutes until I drank three liters. And then you have to start the next round, five hours before your procedure, which for me was 2:00 AM. So I had to wake up at 2:00 AM. Start drinking laxative. Hmm. Couldn't go back to bed during this, guys, cuz like. How? The laxative does practical. It's not a relaxative, you know what I mean? Right.
7:00 Travis McElroy? I watched Predator Killer of Killers, man, and if you need a movie to watch up at 2 a.m. It's there for you. Drinking your colonoscopy laxative. I have to imagine your nerves. Yeah, man. Your nerves are already on edge. What from all the laxative? I imagine introducing the Predator into that mix is overload. Oh, no, it was exactly the sensory distraction that I needed. Predator Killer of Killers. The Predator was there for you when you needed him most. I wanted to go in. There is a chart that shows you how good you did at cleaning out your colon, and it's like. A leaderboard? And it's like, if you, if your last BM looked like clear, like that's what we're going for is clear water pee from the butt.
7:44 Travis McElroy? If your last one was clear, you get an A plus.
7:47 Griffin McElroy? Is that how the doctor described? Is that what the doctor said to you is clear water pee from the butt? They say you can't get our.
7:54 Travis McElroy? You had Clearwater, Florida pee from the butt this morning.
7:58 Griffin McElroy? We know it's important for you to do this exam. Gentlemen of your age should certainly be safe and keep an eye out for stuff. But we won't do it, we won't do it until we get clear water pee from the butt.
8:10 Travis McElroy? We've noticed there's still some phaetons in your system. We're waiting for you to go clear water pee from the butt. Audit those right out of there, buddy. It was, uh, I had to wait about two hours before I could really get it going.
8:22 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
8:23 Travis McElroy? And, uh, before I get the anesthesia and stuff. And, uh, I was separated by a very thin curtain from strangers getting a very similar procedure to me.
8:31 Griffin McElroy? Cool.
8:31 Travis McElroy? Who were being asked a lot of invasive questions that the gentleman next to me was pretty determined to answer at his loudest possible volume. I don't want to dox this guy by telling you what the questions he was asked were, but the answer was like, I don't know if I am dumb, beady's or not. Or, um, this is good. Yeah, not quite clear, more of a brown and mucky. It's like, I was in my head feeling very superior.
8:56 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
8:57 Travis McElroy? And she was like, show me on the chart. He's like, well, let me take a look here. Say, oh, no, oh, no, pal. Uh, but I had the, uh, I got a, uh, super clean bill of colon health.
9:10 Griffin McElroy? Love that dude.
9:11 Travis McElroy? Loved it. Loved the colon. Said I've been taking a bit too much ibuprofen.
9:16 Griffin McElroy? Oh, no.
9:16 Travis McElroy? Which is interesting, cause the wrist doctor told me to gobble up, up like Pac-Man. So I don't know, man, these doctors.
9:22 Griffin McElroy? Did they find, wait, hold on. Did they find the ibuprofen still kinda clumped up down there? There's still like eight or nine ibuprofen in here.
9:31 Travis McElroy? No, it just is all like messed up and bad down there. You know what I mean? Like, you know how you're not supposed to take a lot of, you know, it's just messed up.
9:39 Griffin McElroy? They're like, the plumbing, the plumbing works aesthetically, it's not so great. We've seen better.
9:44 Travis McElroy? I'm cutting back on that, but no, but the colon was great. And I did this cause I turned 45 and James Vanderbeek has been raising awareness about, about, uh, getting, getting these screenings done. And 45 is the cutoff for mine, cause, cause James has been, uh, uh, raising awareness of colon cancer. And I wanted to get it out and ahead of it. I got a clean bill of health. And when you turn 45, if you haven't gotten a colonoscopy yet, and you also haven't seen Predator Killer of Killers yet.
10:11 Griffin McElroy? Or Avatar Fire and Ash, cause it really juiced.
10:14 Travis McElroy? Or Avatar Fire and Ash would be actually a, actually that would be a, when it's available to stream on home video, that would be an excellent late night.
10:21 Griffin McElroy? A rock. Maybe not during the, the colonoscopy, but while you're drinking the juice for sure, like the number of run, I mean, it'd be run, run pee from the butts, which is a different app that we're starting. And we're gonna be sued out of existence.
10:35 Travis McElroy? Yeah, you gotta have clear water, pee from the butt.
10:37 Griffin McElroy? Clear water, pee from the butt. Is it too late to change the theme of the year?
10:41 Travis McElroy? I did wanna touch.
10:42 Griffin McElroy? 2020 dri- 2020 drips, clear water, pee from the butt.
10:47 Travis McElroy? We're not changing the year.
10:48 Griffin McElroy? It's so good, you guys. I don't know. How are you?
10:50 Travis McElroy? It's really great.
10:51 Griffin McElroy? One week out, actually we recorded that, what, almost two weeks out now. How are you guys feeling about it?
10:56 Travis McElroy? I love it.
10:56 Griffin McElroy? I'm loving it. I've been living it.
10:58 Travis McElroy? It's great.
10:58 Griffin McElroy? The more I live with it, the more I love it. I, I have been, as you guys know, I'm very active on MySpace and I've seen some questions about who the big boy is. Oh my god.
11:10 Travis McElroy? And I thought this was self-explanatory.
11:12 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
11:13 Travis McElroy? We said it's a boy in a hospital.
11:14 Griffin McElroy? A boy in a hospital who's counting on you.
11:17 Travis McElroy? To stick to your goals for the year, right?
11:20 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, I maintain, I maintain that the big boy could also be like inside you, like the witness of you, like your consciousness or whatever.
11:28 Travis McElroy? And I maintain that for the right price, it could literally be frishest big boy. If they would just pick up the phone and call.
11:34 Travis McElroy? So I want you all to put listeners, yourself in the mindset of that baseball player, who the big boy is like, just throw a heater, just one heater for me. But maybe it's like, the big boy's like, hey, you know how you've been thinking about learning French for a while? Do that for me, I'm dying.
11:50 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, but it, but like, don't get too hung up on that part.
11:54 Travis McElroy? Not the dying part, he's an imaginary boy.
11:57 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, but you need to do it, do it for someone.
12:00 Travis McElroy? But even the imaginary boy shouldn't die, like, the boy in my girl was imaginary, but his death still caused a great pain.
12:06 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
12:06 Travis McElroy? If he finally learned French, he won't die?
12:09 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, maybe, I mean, no.
12:11 Travis McElroy? Are you trying to get to like a yearly submission? Cause you realize that we do not have a way of ending this episode?
12:16 Travis McElroy? No, so I'm glad that you brought that up, Justin, because part of my make it stick is to stick with the fears, because I really like it and I want to make that stick.
12:26 Griffin McElroy? That's interesting.
12:28 Travis McElroy? I kind of thought.
12:28 Griffin McElroy? We didn't discuss that beforehand.
12:31 Travis McElroy? Did it, I think we're gonna have to make it stick, like stick the landing for the first time.
12:35 Griffin McElroy? Or just go, you know what, we'll make it stick, just go back to Yahoo Answers. No problemo.
12:40 Travis McElroy? That would be good, that would be good. Hey, uh, this is still an advice show, that's not changing.
12:45 Travis McElroy? No.
12:45 Travis McElroy? Right, that is, that's consistent, that, that will not, that will not change. Uh, and we're gonna take your questions and turn them out to me like into wisdom, because that's, that's, it's our trade.
12:53 Travis McElroy? That's what we do.
12:54 Travis McElroy? My wife and I, that's what we do. So we do our job. My wife and I are starting to look at houses. I was afraid to look at them for a long time, too. I used to shield my eyes as my father would.
13:07 Travis McElroy? It's too much.
13:07 Travis McElroy? My wife and I are starting to look at houses, we got married in October, yay. Our realtor keeps sending us suggestions that only have one bathroom. This would be probably fine for a typical couple, but we both have IBS and need two plus bathrooms. It's a good plus there. The plus is doing some heavy lifting. Uh, how do I tell the Realtor that one bathroom just won't cut it? That's from Problems in Providence.
13:34 Griffin McElroy? I mean, obviously you can tell your Realtor that you'll really only need a home with two, two plus bathrooms. Please don't. Realtors will keep showing you shit like there is no amount of asking you can do where the Realtor is not going to be like, but maybe that I know that you guys both have pooping emergencies every day, but look how charming and the price per square foot of this one is good. Sorry about the poop emergency thing, but I am going to show it to you.
13:58 Travis McElroy? There's no way, but like if you say, uh, I need two bathrooms and if they say why, you had to have an answer prepared.
14:06 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
14:06 Travis McElroy? What are you gonna, you'll just freeze. You gotta know why.
14:09 Griffin McElroy? I don't think there should be.
14:10 Travis McElroy? To be fair though, I don't feel like having two bathrooms is a wild request that you would need. Two bathrooms? La di da. Why? Yeah, but obviously they, obviously they felt like they needed to justify it at some point.
14:22 Griffin McElroy? That's true.
14:23 Travis McElroy? If you guys want to continue to challenge the premise of the existence of the question, we can, but it feels like it might be more fruitful to just.
14:30 Griffin McElroy? Truck, truck right.
14:30 Travis McElroy? This never comes up on like House Hunters or House Hunters International, or House Hunters Beachfront, or House Hunters, I don't know. Is they're never, the requests are never like how many bedrooms or bathrooms they need.
14:44 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
14:45 Travis McElroy? It's all, so maybe if you throw out like eight weird things that you need and two bathrooms, and then you're willing to let go of the eight weird things, as long as there are two bathrooms.
14:55 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, I don't think they let you do that. I think they want, if you're going to be on the show, you gotta have weird stuff. They can't have you be on the show and be like, I take, when my dumps come, they gotta come now. And same for, and same for the misses. So.
15:10 Travis McElroy? I watched the House Hunters recently. I love when they do this. The guy was like, I love a, a wide view. I want to be up high where I could see a lot of stuff. And the wife is like, my main thing I'm looking for is I'm scared of heights and I don't want to be up there at all.
15:27 Griffin McElroy? Awesome.
15:27 Travis McElroy? And they cut to the Realtor. It's like. What do you want this fucking guy to do, man?
15:32 Travis McElroy? What do I do here?
15:32 Travis McElroy? You don't want to be high, she don't want to be low. In the middle, you're both sad, right? There is no, there's no winning for this.
15:38 Travis McElroy? I got you a real sloped house. We're one side of it.
15:41 Travis McElroy? You're real low.
15:42 Griffin McElroy? I got you a one-story ranch style with a big periscope. Big.
15:47 Travis McElroy? I'm always on the, I'm always looking for, you know, the producers trying to work their magic. This does feel like one of those cases where like fear of heights, real. This guy like, I just like to be up high sometimes. I think maybe a producer told you, you feel that way, maybe.
16:01 Griffin McElroy? Go somewhere.
16:02 Travis McElroy? Nobody just like wants to be high a lot.
16:04 Travis McElroy? There was one I saw where a guy's like refusal, like not if it has, was not if it has too many outlets.
16:11 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
16:11 Travis McElroy? Too many outlets?
16:12 Travis McElroy? When has that ever been a problem for anybody?
16:15 Griffin McElroy? Fucking never, man. God damn, I, we've moved a lot of our shit around for our video stuff. And that involved me putting my desk in the center of my office where outlets don't live. I have been absolutely just pipe dreaming it to glory over here for the last week. Just running electricity, just like a county lineman am I? Making it work. I think you should just tell your Realtor that you have IBS. I think there's no stigma. IBS is so non-stigma in my mind at this point, like there's so much other stuff and IBS has been around for so long. It's like, yeah, I'm one of the ones that has irritable bowels.
16:53 Travis McElroy? If you're looking for a fun way to tell your Realtor, bring them a six pack of IBC root beer, but you've marked out the C and you've written in an S.
17:01 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
17:01 Travis McElroy? And it's like, I have something I need to tell you, but I think this will explain it all.
17:04 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
17:05 Travis McElroy? If you hand it to them and you won't have to say anything.
17:08 Travis McElroy? You, you just need to invent another toilet purpose. Like it doesn't have, you just like, I need one for obvious and one to flush paints.
17:16 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
17:17 Travis McElroy? When I'm done with paint, I like to flush paints when I'm done with.
17:20 Travis McElroy? We love keeping fish, but we're so bad at keeping fish.
17:23 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
17:24 Travis McElroy? And we need one to be the graveyard toilet.
17:27 Travis McElroy? Cut it out the middle. We raise them in there. We Travis, that would actually save a lot of time, man. If the fish are in the toilet, the fish die flush.
17:35 Griffin McElroy? Flush done.
17:36 Travis McElroy? Done, right?
17:37 Griffin McElroy? My, the misses and I are making a real stinky potion and we need a special cauldron just for that.
17:44 Travis McElroy? Who can afford these wine prices currently in this day and age? Well, I'm gonna make my own.
17:49 Griffin McElroy? You want me to just pour, you want me to pour my stinky potion fixins down the storm drain outside when I'm done with them? No way. I need, I need a fixture for that.
18:00 Griffin McElroy? You all right, Juice?
18:03 Travis McElroy? Yes, sorry. My apple was about to roll off the table. So I looked down to catch it.
18:07 Griffin McElroy? The apple?
18:07 Travis McElroy? And then I looked back.
18:08 Griffin McElroy? Is that how the apple ended up on the floor the first time?
18:13 Travis McElroy? I, Griffin, if I knew, if I had seen the apple fall the first time, I would have picked it up off the floor immediately.
18:18 Griffin McElroy? Okay, I, cause I asked many times.
18:20 Travis McElroy? And he would have discovered gravity.
18:22 Griffin McElroy? It never came back to it, but I asked a few times, why did you have dead ass? An apple on the floor? Like I've got stuff on the floor. I've got a box here. I have an open, there's my controllers on the floor. And like, I've got stuff on the floor. There's, let me check. Zero fresh edible produce. So like.
18:39 Travis McElroy? I had recently dropped it. It had recently. I have a knife on the floor. But I don't know exactly when. I didn't clock it falling exactly, but I had been enjoying it moments before.
18:48 Griffin McElroy? And then it ended up on the floor and then you picked it up off the floor.
18:50 Travis McElroy? I don't wanna, I don't wanna, I realized when I was getting my colonoscopy, I don't wanna be stuck in a hospital bed. I gotta take care of my engine, right? So I'm giving him. An apple? A lot more, a lot more.
19:02 Griffin McElroy? Great person. That's the smallest apple I've ever seen, my man.
19:05 Travis McElroy? You're saying I'm making some big changes this year. One apple during my audio recording window.
19:12 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. Let me see that. Let me see that bad boy. Beauty blog that shit. Beauty blog that tiny apple.
19:18 Travis McElroy? Yeah, he's taking a couple bites out of that.
19:20 Griffin McElroy? That's, hold it still for me. You can see the exact shit. Justin, that apple is as big exactly as Justin's mouth. One of your bites goes, goes stem to stern on that thing. Nope. Right in it, right in the gob. You spit that out right now, people.
19:34 Travis McElroy? You're Galactus the Apple Eater. That's wild.
19:38 Griffin McElroy? These are cool tricks.
19:40 Travis McElroy? I was gonna hold it. Nope.
19:41 Griffin McElroy? This is what you get with video.
19:43 Travis McElroy? We shouldn't have video.
19:44 Griffin McElroy? We shouldn't have video.
19:44 Travis McElroy? That was the problem. I dropped a goddamn apple again.
19:48 Travis McElroy? And now it's definitely covered in something because it's wet with your mouth goop.
19:52 Travis McElroy? But I'm hungry. Yeah, I won't eat it during podcast though.
19:55 Travis McElroy? That's huge.
19:56 Travis McElroy? Any more. Yeah, I didn't realize this was Schmanner's. Yeah, I thought you're, I didn't realize this turned into Schmanner's all of a sudden tragically. We all have to be so etiquette.
20:05 Travis McElroy? It's like we're on Schmanner's.
20:05 Travis McElroy? Our apples.
20:07 Travis McElroy? Whoa, Griffin.
20:09 Travis McElroy? Yeah, it feels like we're all on Schmanner's, right, guys?
20:11 Travis McElroy? I promised him two small apples.
20:13 Travis McElroy? Ah, damn it.
20:14 Travis McElroy? No, it's actually, man, somehow we end up with three bags of rockets. I'm just trying to get my kids to eat these tiny apples. I don't know. A few weeks ago, a package for the previous owners of my house showed up on my doorstep. I brought it inside and waited about a week, after which I opened it. When I, I, I opened it, I found a pair of Birkenstock slippers that fit my partner perfectly, so I gifted them to her. A few days after that, a note was slipped through my mail slot by the previous owner, explaining that they mistakenly had an excess present shipped to the wrong address and asking if I would text him to arrange picking up the slippers. Brother, what do I do? A slippery situation in Baltimore.
20:47 Travis McElroy? That's a, boy, that's a slippery situation, indeed. I put this question in because sometimes we get questions where we're like, oh, you fucked up. You have to know you fucked up.
21:01 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
21:02 Travis McElroy? On that, it's the clearest like, what did I do wrong?
21:06 Travis McElroy? A week is not long enough. A week is not long enough.
21:09 Travis McElroy? You know that, right?
21:10 Travis McElroy? Week's not long enough.
21:12 Travis McElroy? It's also mail fraud. Boom, we got you.
21:14 Travis McElroy? Before, before Christmas too, is, there's a few things about the timing here that is hugely sus. I would have definitely, definitely given it until the new year at the very least. You know what? Sometimes people on TikTok mispronounce words intentionally to build engagement because everyone in the comments will be like, hey, you said this wrong. This feels like a cry for help in that same sense, right? Like you, you needed us to step in, like you need, I don't want to be, I, I worry it's a kink. A little bit, it's like, you know what I mean?
21:44 Travis McElroy? You fucked this up so bad.
21:45 Travis McElroy? Get beat up in public. They want to get beat up in public.
21:48 Travis McElroy? One time I opened, I got several huge boxes to my front door. I opened one of them. Inside is, I believe, 10 foam boogie boards.
22:01 Griffin McElroy? Shit.
22:02 Travis McElroy? That I did not order, but had been.
22:05 Griffin McElroy? I remember this.
22:06 Travis McElroy? And maybe the strangest scam ever scammed like on my Amazon, like to my card. I was able to get the charges refunded.
22:14 Griffin McElroy? Deliver to his home though, right?
22:16 Travis McElroy? Yeah, to my home.
22:17 Griffin McElroy? Like you got them.
22:18 Travis McElroy? The perfect crime.
22:20 Griffin McElroy? And I was able to get the charges refunded.
22:22 Travis McElroy? Still sitting in my garage.
22:24 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
22:25 Travis McElroy? Are three boxes of 10 to 12 foam boogie boards.
22:30 Griffin McElroy? Uh huh.
22:30 Travis McElroy? That I don't know what to do with for fear that one day Amazon will contact me and say.
22:37 Griffin McElroy? Hey.
22:37 Travis McElroy? Hey, we gave you the refund. We do need those back.
22:40 Griffin McElroy? Well, Trav, when the big one comes, I think you'll be glad to have 10 premium boogie boards.
22:46 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
22:47 Griffin McElroy? Oh, wait.
22:47 Travis McElroy? I mean, 30 to 36. I can't remember the exact count, Griffin.
22:51 Griffin McElroy? That's a lot of fucking.
22:51 Travis McElroy? I have enough for a child's classroom to each get a boogie board.
22:55 Griffin McElroy? Or for some sort of survival bunker, floating survival bunker, the Noah's Ark two boogie down.
23:02 Travis McElroy? Or if robots that only have like Nerf level weapons attack, I've got a bunch of shields going.
23:07 Griffin McElroy? A week's not long enough. We've cut, we've really harped on that. I do want to apologize.
23:10 Travis McElroy? Not long enough. I, I do wanna, I don't wanna, I feel like you kinda made.
23:17 Travis McElroy? Your own bed.
23:18 Griffin McElroy? Yes.
23:19 Travis McElroy? Be our problem.
23:20 Griffin McElroy? But no, we're professional.
23:21 Travis McElroy? But that's not, we're professionals. I know, I know, I know.
23:24 Griffin McElroy? It's so hard because you messed up so bad. It wouldn't be.
23:26 Travis McElroy? Really bad. This is hard on us. Does your partner know how these Birkenstock slippers were? Because one, you're not gonna, you shouldn't take it back and then give them to him. You should get a new pair or something.
23:39 Griffin McElroy? Gotta get a new pair. Oh, damn it. The porch, oh damn it. You know what it was? Them, oh, them damn porch pirates got me again.
23:46 Travis McElroy? I never got it. Now this is a lie.
23:48 Griffin McElroy? These damn porch pirates got me again.
23:51 Travis McElroy? Yard.
23:52 Griffin McElroy? Yard. I never got it. So I don't know what you're talking about. Must've been the Buccaneers.
23:56 Travis McElroy? Now, we do have, if we ever get, um, questioned, we'll flip on you so hard.
24:04 Griffin McElroy? Oh, dude.
24:05 Travis McElroy? The speed at which I will say, yeah, they emailed us. They got the slippers.
24:10 Griffin McElroy? That should be.
24:11 Travis McElroy? We've been doing ads for stamps.com for so long. We're basically mandatory reporters when it comes to postal fraud. So. There's very little fraud I care about. But it's postal fraud and frog fraud.
24:25 Griffin McElroy? I think you gotta replace the thing and then get and then give it to them. But God, that's a that's stressful because are you gonna get the exact right one?
24:35 Travis McElroy? Also, can I tell you something else? You can't get that packaging back. You're you can't.
24:43 Travis McElroy? You have to go to, okay, you know what you have to do? You have to go to Amazon. You have to buy these for that person.
24:51 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
24:52 Travis McElroy? Right? And then have them shipped to your to that former address, right? That's the only positive. That's the only way out.
24:59 Travis McElroy? And you better pray you can get it there quickly because if those damn things are on back order, it's gonna be two to three weeks. You're gonna have to come up with a pretty hefty lie as to why you haven't found them yet.
25:10 Griffin McElroy? Dude, I'd love to help you out. It got Grinch'd. He did. He's really, he came, he got us good, dude.
25:16 Travis McElroy? Your shit, my shit. I'm on his trail and I think I'll catch up to him in two to three weeks.
25:21 Griffin McElroy? Your Christmas tree is still up right there. Yeah, it's weird. He only, he only, he only wants shoes. He's a fucking, he's nasty and weird. So he wanted only the shoes.
25:30 Travis McElroy? Hey, uh, let's take a quick break and we're gonna head on into the money zone.
25:43 Travis McElroy? I had an idea for a new kind of direction with the money zone.
25:48 Griffin McElroy? Oh.
25:48 Travis McElroy? That I wanted to try. I thought we could do like an altar call.
25:52 Griffin McElroy? Oh.
25:53 Travis McElroy? Where you guys give me some quiet, like amazing grace in the background.
25:57 Griffin McElroy? Okay. I could get like, yeah, I let me get GarageBand open on my phone while you start the copy points.
26:08 Travis McElroy? Now, hey, everybody, I know we've had a lot of fun here today and a lot of you guys have already come to Squarespace and accepted your, your trial with Squarespace. You've tried Squarespace out, but I just feel, I feel like out there, there's still some people. Uh, and you know, you're thinking about it. You know what I mean? It's in your hearts, but you're not sure. And listen, yes, Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid all in one place. We know that.
26:35 Griffin McElroy? Shit.
26:35 Travis McElroy? You get paid on time with professional on-brand invoices and online payments and in your heart.
26:39 Griffin McElroy? Griffin's almost ready for you to start.
26:41 Travis McElroy? You want, I'm almost there. I just, I can't figure out how to change this.
26:44 Travis McElroy? Nope.
26:44 Travis McElroy? Yeah, you get it. When you, okay. And plus, you could streamline your workflow.
26:48 Travis McElroy? I thought you said your piano was like within reach now.
26:50 Travis McElroy? With bills and appointment scheduling, email marketing tools. And it's calling to you.
26:55 Travis McElroy? Holy shit.
26:56 Travis McElroy? I understand. So we're just gonna do a couple more, couple more stanzas here. To give you a chance to consider their cutting edge designs, their award winning templates. Everything you need. Um, you know, I accepted.
27:14 Travis McElroy? Grimmin is thoughtfully changing the melody enough so we don't get auto matched by the bots. He's like mixing it up a little bit.
27:21 Travis McElroy? And you know, Squarespace has done so much for us, so much for me.
27:24 Travis McElroy? So much.
27:25 Travis McElroy? Changed my life. Squarespace has been there for me and I know that you're ready for Squarespace to be there for you, to set you up with that website you need.
27:33 Travis McElroy? Give them the offer code.
27:34 Travis McElroy? All right, we're gonna say it one last time. Head to Squarespace.com slash mybrother for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code MYBROTHER, all one word, to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Amen.
27:51 Travis McElroy? Griffin has gone fully Frampton Comes Alive over there.
27:55 Travis McElroy? Wow.
27:58 Griffin McElroy? That's pretty cool.
28:01 Travis McElroy? And I think we should just do that from now on.
28:03 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, that felt good. Let's see. Squarespace, did you like that? You never tell us.
28:08 Travis McElroy? Look at us, senpai.
28:09 Travis McElroy? Senpai, look at us.
28:11 Travis McElroy? Senpai.
28:12 Travis McElroy? Just tell us if you're listening, Squarespace. Send us a message.
28:16 Travis McElroy? The checks are still clearing, so something's gotta be working.
28:22 Travis McElroy? Respect me.
28:25 Speaker 04 Pokemon, Insecure, Love Island, Paramore. What do all these things have in common? Black people love them. That's where Black People Love Paramore comes in. We're a pop culture podcast taking a funny look at the common and sometimes very uncommon things black people love. From asking why so many black kids were secretly emo, to debating whether Beyonce is underrated. Hint, she is. We're getting into all the things that make us feel a little bit more seen. Get it? And yes, everybody's invited. No matter your niche, we have room for you. Listen to Black People Love Paramore on MaximumFun.org and wherever you get your podcasts.
29:09 Speaker 05 Hello.
29:09 Speaker 06 Hello, I'm calling on behalf of the Beef and Dairy Network podcast.
29:12 Speaker 05 No, I'm sorry, no sales calls, goodbye.
29:14 Speaker 06 It's a multi-award winning podcast featuring guests such as Ted Danson, Nick Offerman, Josie Long.
29:19 Speaker 05 I don't know what a Josie Long is, and anyway, I'm about to take my mother into town to see Phantom of the Opera at last. You are wasting my time, and even worse, my mother's time. She only has so much time left. She's 98 years old, she's only expected to live for another 20 or 30 years. Mother, get your shoes on. Yes, the orthopedic wants, I don't want that to carry you home again, do I?
29:38 Speaker 06 Right, well, if you were looking for a podcast.
29:39 Speaker 05 Mother, you're not wearing that, are you? It's very revealing, mother. This is musical theatre, not a Parisian bordello.
29:45 Speaker 06 Simply go to MaximumFun.org.
29:48 Speaker 05 I'm reaching for my Samsung Galaxy 4 as we speak. Mother! Mother, not that hat!
29:53 Travis McElroy? Cool! Alright!
30:01 Travis McElroy? I want a more squad!
30:06 Travis McElroy? I want to more squad!
30:11 Travis McElroy? Welcome to Bud Squad. It's a podcast within a podcast profile of the latest in eating. There's a ton going on right now in the world of food and fast eating. I want to tell you guys though, I'm excited about Jenny's launching an ice cream collaboration with Bridgerton.
30:32 Griffin McElroy? Oh.
30:32 Travis McElroy? That's right, Bridgerton Ice Cream. The partnership, the collaboration that everyone has been waiting for, for many, many years since Bridgerton was extremely popular.
30:46 Travis McElroy? Now, I've seen every episode of Bridgerton in existence. I think I'm the only person to have done that.
30:51 Travis McElroy? Yeah, and they're still making it, Trav, for you, I assume.
30:55 Travis McElroy? I can't wait for the Benedict season, are you kidding me? He's my favorite. Second brother, bit of just like a rascallian out there living his life, doing his art and whatever. I'm so excited. Are you kidding me?
31:06 Griffin McElroy? I can't watch Bridgerton without eating ice cream.
31:10 Travis McElroy? Well, Trav, they're going to capture the decadence of the Regency era and popular Netflix and Shawna Land series with these two iced creams.
31:18 Griffin McElroy? Gout flavor.
31:20 Travis McElroy? Making, making its first appearance on 15th of January is Queen Charlotte Sponge Cake Ice Cream. Royals have been immortalized in confections and Queen Charlotte Sponge Cake is Jenny's tribute to the fashionable and discerning monarch of the town. It is a brown sugar and almond buttercream ice cream filled with raspberry rose jam and honey sponge cake. I'm just gonna say Queen Charlotte, not really a important figure in the books. I don't know if she's present in the books at all. Was wholly made up as a character. I mean, not made up. She was an existing person, but you know what I mean, added for the TV show. So we either they went that direction, kind of a snub to the literary folk.
31:58 Griffin McElroy? Is, is Bridgerton just sort of period piece entourage?
32:04 Griffin McElroy? Discuss.
32:06 Travis McElroy? Uh, yeah. It's a period piece OC in a lot of ways.
32:11 Griffin McElroy? Don't you fucking don't try to.
32:11 Travis McElroy? I don't say that because that sounds extremely good. It is, it's fun. It's a fun show that makes people fun.
32:18 Travis McElroy? I watched, I watched it at the beginning, Bridgerton, and then there was an entire episode that hung on a young lady being surprised by the idea of jizz and not understanding the mysteries of jizz. The, the, if you will, as Cindy and I have begun to refer to it, the secret of the ooze. And when she discovered the secret of the ooze, I was kind of dealt with Bridgerton writ large.
32:43 Travis McElroy? I watched Bridgerton. Was it like to have hardened your heart that much, Justin? It's fun. It's innocent, but still sexy. And fun and sexy and innocent and fun and sexy.
32:53 Griffin McElroy? I was watching Bridgerton, but it lost me. That episode where a smoke monster came out of that lady's privates and killed a guy.
33:00 Travis McElroy? Oh.
33:02 Griffin McElroy? I said, I said, check please.
33:06 Travis McElroy? Actually, I was gonna say that was lost, but I don't know what that was that you were watching, Griffin.
33:12 Griffin McElroy? It was Bridgerton, season one, when the smoke monster comes out of.
33:17 Travis McElroy? Was it a fan made thing?
33:19 Griffin McElroy? No, it's like a pretty important plot point. Like the guy who got killed is like a big, big character and I was upset.
33:25 Travis McElroy? What was his name?
33:27 Griffin McElroy? Renly Baratheon?
33:32 Travis McElroy? I think it was Cowboy Curtis. I might be was.
33:35 Travis McElroy? No, they were together. So they, they, yeah, they could turn into one another at will.
33:39 Travis McElroy? Yeah. Okay. Uh, for the second release, they're doing an Earl Grey creme brulee ice cream. Cool. Which is fun to say. Hell yeah, it is. Yeah. Wrapping the favorite tea blend enjoyed by the ton in.
33:51 Travis McElroy? What character is that in? Yeah, the time, that's like the aristocrats of the like, uh, high society.
34:00 Travis McElroy? Um, here's the thing.
34:01 Travis McElroy? Hey, what characters are they based on? That's just tea, you know, tea. They're like tea.
34:06 Travis McElroy? This is an interesting twist Jenny's has done. They've given us a, it's like a quote, but they haven't sourced it to anybody, if that makes sense. This is the next last paragraph in this.
34:15 Travis McElroy? It was me.
34:16 Travis McElroy? For this collaboration, Jenny's was inspired by the fantastical decadence of the Regency era, brought to life in the scenes of Bridgerton. It was essential that the flavors feel like an extension of the essence of the show, romantic, indulgent and captivating. Ice creams that would linger long after they were gone and to which you cannot wait to return, whether you're a Bridgerton fan or not.
34:39 Travis McElroy? I mean, probably the if you're a Bridgerton fan one, right?
34:43 Travis McElroy? Probably that though, right? Probably that one would be what you would stick with more.
34:47 Travis McElroy? That quote was actually from Jonathan Bailey, star of Bridgerton. He, he's a big champion of this ice cream Bridgerton crossover. He's been pushing for it for years now in all of his interviews.
35:01 Travis McElroy? Uh, I also wanted, this is more of a, an alert. I did one letter, we know that, uh, Subway is doing protein pockets. All right. What's that mean? Yeah, you can, yeah, you can think it, they're protein pockets. They're packed with 20 grams, more than 20 grams of protein in these little tortillas. And, uh, here's the quote about it. Cause, uh, Dave Skenna is up in the mix. Okay. Getting more protein in their diet is important to so many people, but too often that protein is expensive or fried. I like that part cause that's Subway saying like, what isn't our food? Like they're trying to go like, one of the two things, what isn't us? Wait, has Dave Skenna? It's not expensive. Has Dave Skenna always been at Subway?
35:45 Travis McElroy? No, he used to be.
35:46 Travis McElroy? He moved.
35:46 Travis McElroy? Donuts.
35:47 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
35:49 Travis McElroy? Good for him.
35:49 Travis McElroy? Dave Skinner, yes, yeah, he relocated.
35:52 Travis McElroy? Can I?
35:52 Travis McElroy? He used to be with Krispy Kreme, now he's with Subway.
35:54 Travis McElroy? Justin, I want to tell you what's bothering you.
35:55 Travis McElroy? I've never read about Dave Skinner before, so I was not aware of Dave Skinner.
35:59 Travis McElroy? So far in this alert, they have not specified what the protein is in a way that makes me wildly uncomfortable from a company known for questionable ingredients in one of their sandwiches.
36:14 Travis McElroy? Yeah, they've run. Baja chicken, peppercorn ranch chicken, Italian trio, and turkey and ham. Getting more protein in your diet is, huh, turkey and ham, turkey and ham, turkey and ham.
36:28 Travis McElroy? Turkey and ham.
36:29 Travis McElroy? Often that protein is expensive or fried. With Subway's new Protein Pocket, they can get over 20 grams of protein for $3.99 without sacrificing taste. And with our new sub of the day lineup, yeah, or your child.
36:41 Travis McElroy? You don't have to sacrifice anything.
36:43 Travis McElroy? Anything, no sacrifice. This is a Subway.
36:45 Travis McElroy? You have to sacrifice $4.99 at the altar.
36:47 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
36:48 Travis McElroy? Oh, also, we're replacing all of our point of sales with altars. So that's gonna be, that might throw you off a little bit.
36:55 Travis McElroy? And we're, we're now only accepting Zelle and blood magic. Those are the only two currencies.
37:04 Travis McElroy? Zenny, Zelle, or blood magic, or ass, or grass, or cash. Nobody eats Subway for free. I've been a manager for around a year now in the chemistry lab I work in. In one of the recent meetings with the rest of the management team, I happened to glance over at the laptop of a person sitting next to me and saw that they were in a team chat titled, "Young Hip Managers." I would like to think I'm reasonably hip. I'm also the youngest manager in the building. What can I do to subtly imply that I'm cool enough to be invited to the secret group chat? That's from young but not hip enough in Ann Arbor. Oh, that's tough. That's a tough one.
37:43 Travis McElroy? Nobody wants to think they're not young and cool and hip.
37:47 Travis McElroy? See, this is difficult because for me, I both know that I am neither young enough nor hip enough to be in a group chat that seems to be living by those ideals.
37:59 Travis McElroy? But if it was like a strong, strong guys, like you saw a chat, it was like, strong guys, right? You're like, you look over and you're like, hey, wait, I'm a strong guy.
38:07 Travis McElroy? If it was a strong guy, purple hair.
38:09 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
38:10 Travis McElroy? And I'd be like, I definitely have purple hair.
38:12 Travis McElroy? If it said that, you've been Truman showed and you need to stop because that's gone too far, right? That's it. So they're doing a prank on you.
38:20 Griffin McElroy? But then, but then you look over and someone's got, they're on a thread called limp dick idiots. And you're like, I'm glad I'm not in that.
38:29 Travis McElroy? You know, count your blessings.
38:31 Griffin McElroy? Count your blessings. Cool. Awesome. I'm unjealous.
38:35 Travis McElroy? Maybe it's ironic. Maybe they, it's like, they, they're kind of like the old boring managers.
38:40 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
38:41 Travis McElroy? But they want, so they're like.
38:43 Griffin McElroy? The level of self-awareness there.
38:44 Travis McElroy? Like a winky sort of like, we're the ones that suck.
38:47 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
38:48 Travis McElroy? We're old.
38:48 Travis McElroy? Can I get in that? You don't want in this.
38:51 Griffin McElroy? It's, they're so old.
38:53 Travis McElroy? We're actually doing it. You don't understand. You don't want in this.
38:57 Griffin McElroy? I struggle with a part of this question, which is that, you know, you're not a part of this group chat. And when you share that information with us, you say, I happen to glance over at the laptop of the person sitting next to me. That suggests maybe you don't know who that person was and therefore, why would you be in a group? Why would you be in a group chat with them?
39:19 Travis McElroy? Well, because all the young hip managers are planning young hip manager things.
39:24 Griffin McElroy? I guess so.
39:26 Travis McElroy? Maybe, maybe, maybe it's fantasy football managers and it has nothing to do with work.
39:33 Griffin McElroy? Yep.
39:34 Travis McElroy? Oh, that's, isn't that tricky when you find yourself in a fantasy football chat? It happened over the holidays a couple of times. I realized two to three people around me were talking about fantasy football. And then if I stood there for long, long enough, they were going to ask me to join or they might just sign me up. I don't know how you get in fantasy football. It keeps happening to me.
39:52 Griffin McElroy? Me neither, man.
39:53 Travis McElroy? Uh, I, I keep ending up in these leagues and I don't know how it happens. So I try to be really careful about everything I do from now on, whenever football comes.
39:59 Griffin McElroy? For me, it's like.
40:00 Travis McElroy? I don't know how I keep contracting fantasy football.
40:02 Griffin McElroy? For me, it's I keep getting group texts and I get messages from people whose numbers are not saved to my phone. And they'll say shit like, Carter's looking pretty good this year. And then an hour later I am invited, I'm in a fantasy football league somehow.
40:13 Travis McElroy? Oh, man.
40:14 Travis McElroy? It's one of the earliest signs. You know, if you can get to it quickly, you could actually reverse all the, uh, the symptoms.
40:20 Griffin McElroy? It's too late.
40:21 Travis McElroy? Time lost is time lost.
40:22 Griffin McElroy? It's too late.
40:27 Griffin McElroy? Can you do? Is there something you can do at your chemistry lab that would be fucking cool? Can you like spin a flask? Or like?
40:34 Travis McElroy? Oh yeah. Vape some chemistry fumes.
40:37 Griffin McElroy? Light your vape on a Bunsen burner and people will be like, that's, you shouldn't, that shouldn't be on fire at all, my man.
40:44 Travis McElroy? You're out.
40:44 Travis McElroy? Get out of here.
40:45 Travis McElroy? First strike, you're out. That's so stupid. Don't do that. Yeah. I, I don't know that I've ever been added to a group chat and been excited to be like, there's some where I'm like, yeah, okay. I'm happy to be here. This is fine. The idea of wanting to be added to a group chat that you were living your life perfectly fine not being a part of before, unless you're just like, it's not about the group chat. I don't want to be in the group chat. I would immediately mute it.
41:09 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
41:10 Travis McElroy? But why aren't I a part of it?
41:11 Griffin McElroy? If I'm talking to two of my friends and I'm like, you guys remember the movie Dunston Checks In? And then the next day, one of them has invited me to a group chat called Dunston Lovers. It's like, this didn't need to be a, we didn't need to silo this particular conversation off. This could be part of it.
41:25 Travis McElroy? Also, why is it on the dark web?
41:26 Griffin McElroy? Why is Dunston?
41:27 Travis McElroy? Why are there so many layers of security on Dunston lovers?
41:31 Travis McElroy? What's going on with this lab that we need so many goddamn managers anyway, man?
41:37 Travis McElroy? What, what is at this lab that we just stratification of management? It's a chemistry lab.
41:42 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
41:42 Travis McElroy? Is the person sitting next to you even a manager? Maybe there's a group chat to talk about how cool and hip their young managers are. They're in there talking about how great you are. That's why you're not in it.
41:51 Travis McElroy? Tiger, it's like an issue of Tiger Beat about young managers. Like who, which manager has the dreamiest eyes?
41:57 Griffin McElroy? Maybe.
41:58 Travis McElroy? It's Punjab. We love him.
41:59 Travis McElroy? Maybe they're chatting.
42:00 Travis McElroy? It's hugely problematic, of course.
42:02 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. Maybe they're chatting with their physical therapist for a pelvic injury that they suffered. And then, and so now they're, they have to learn from their young hip manager. That's not any, that's not anything.
42:14 Travis McElroy? That might've been it, Griffin. You don't know. Maybe they're organizing, um, snacks by brand and it actually said young chip managers and you just misread it.
42:25 Griffin McElroy? Could be, could be. There's any number of reasons why you wouldn't be involved in a group chat that don't involve you not knowing the people in the group chat.
42:33 Travis McElroy? But if you started wearing a backwards baseball cap and you made people, like you made people ask. And when they did ask, you say, I saw. Shit, no, you can't because you can't be like, I was looking at a, there's nothing less hip than looking at a neighbor's laptop. I mean,
42:51 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, that's a bad start.
42:52 Travis McElroy? It's just not hip. It wasn't hip that you looked and you can't say like, I saw it because it's like so nigh hip.
42:58 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
42:58 Travis McElroy? You, here's what you're gonna do. You're gonna go to these other managers and you're gonna say, I'm thinking about starting a group chat for us young hip managers.
43:07 Griffin McElroy? Oh, yikes.
43:07 Travis McElroy? Would you guys be interested in that?
43:09 Griffin McElroy? Say the exact, you know, you gotta change it a little bit.
43:11 Travis McElroy? No, yeah, no, I heard it out loud. Yeah.
43:15 Travis McElroy? Well, I'm starting a group chat for us youthful, sexy, cool, crazy sexy, cool managers.
43:21 Griffin McElroy? I, I think it's gotta be more organic. I think you gotta do cool experiments. I think you gotta show up next day, make an elephant toothpaste, point at it, point at everyone else, point at it again, like you check my, hey, check it. Mark Robert.
43:33 Travis McElroy? Yeah, start like a robot fight club.
43:35 Griffin McElroy? Start a robot fight club in your chemistry. We're getting a little bit far from the, the exact.
43:40 Travis McElroy? Well, no, you wouldn't want to do it. That's separate from work, Griffin. Work still needs to happen. You know, manager is still a part of the young hip managers, Griffin.
43:50 Griffin McElroy? No, yeah, I know, but this is specifically at work and so I don't know.
43:53 Travis McElroy? Is this like, are they getting paid to manage it? Is it like the safety patrol? Like what is with all these managers?
44:01 Griffin McElroy? Maybe it's like a team, like an equipment manager where they're, they're like making sure that everybody has all the chemicals and powders and reagents that they need access to.
44:09 Travis McElroy? I want to, I want to highlight one detail in this that I've just noticed. It, it, I, in one of the recent meetings with the rest of the management team is when this happened. You got some really, I think it is hugely, hugely rude to be in a meeting of other managers and be in your young hip managers chat. That is cruel because you know that mar, that room, someone's gonna see. Like if you're trying to keep it secret, what is wrong with you?
44:38 Travis McElroy? Yeah. Are you sure there were other people in this group chat with this person and not just them talking to themselves about how young and hip and cool they are?
44:47 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, right.
44:49 Travis McElroy? Another question?
44:51 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
44:52 Travis McElroy? We've been in the house we're renting for five years. Four years ago, I had a baby and I didn't tell my landlord.
44:56 Griffin McElroy? It's a boy.
44:57 Travis McElroy? When lease renewal came, I didn't want to tell them we had a whole extra person in the house we never mentioned. Now we're looking for a bigger place and our landlord has a great place in the exact area we want to live. How do we introduce our four year old without it being weird? That's from not kidding around.
45:14 Travis McElroy? So many great, great options.
45:17 Griffin McElroy? So many ways to pretend like the you just kind of added a four year old to the squad.
45:23 Travis McElroy? I would like to posit us. Can we do it without accidentally tiptoeing into gaslighting?
45:29 Griffin McElroy? No, I mean, I'll tear our hair. We could, it'll tie our hands behind our back in a major way. Are we worried about like doing bad stuff to a landlord? No. Gaslighting is obviously not great, but to a landlord? Landlord?
45:43 Travis McElroy? I mean, I hear. What if he just says, say, this is my short uncle?
45:50 Griffin McElroy? Cool.
45:52 Travis McElroy? I'm just saying.
45:52 Griffin McElroy? No, I love it. Keep building on that.
45:54 Travis McElroy? This is my short uncle.
45:55 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
45:55 Travis McElroy? He's not huge on English yet.
45:58 Griffin McElroy? Mm hmm.
45:59 Travis McElroy? He is my uncle and I am taking care of him.
46:04 Griffin McElroy? Mm hmm.
46:04 Travis McElroy? From his Benjamin Button disease. I would like very much.
46:08 Griffin McElroy? That doesn't make any sense.
46:09 Travis McElroy? Questions about that.
46:11 Griffin McElroy? Benjamin Benjamin Button is not about a very short man who aged the normal way and was four at four.
46:20 Travis McElroy? Yes.
46:21 Griffin McElroy? Right?
46:22 Travis McElroy? You'd be dealing with, if my math is correct, like a 96 year old four year old. You guys, what did, did we not say? Basic competent stage makeup assumed.
46:32 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
46:33 Travis McElroy? Like that's assumed.
46:34 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
46:34 Travis McElroy? Assumed.
46:36 Griffin McElroy? Um, I think short uncle's really promising. Who is that? You also be surprised that the four year old is there. Why do you got?
46:42 Travis McElroy? Oh, God, what?
46:45 Griffin McElroy? Why do you need to introduce your four year old? Why not keep the con going? Why not keep the con rolling? You do not need to own up to this.
46:53 Travis McElroy? The longer you go, the funnier it is.
46:55 Griffin McElroy? Uh huh.
46:55 Travis McElroy? Like, if you can make it to 10, that's quite a prestige, I gotta say.
47:00 Griffin McElroy? 10, they're not gonna.
47:01 Travis McElroy? You know, you know, James.
47:03 Griffin McElroy? No.
47:03 Travis McElroy? What are you talking? How did you miss the fact that we had a son for this long? He's a congressman.
47:11 Travis McElroy? It's been around for a while is what I'm saying at that.
47:14 Travis McElroy? Yeah, sure. I understand. Okay.
47:17 Travis McElroy? There's always a trench coat. You can always.
47:19 Griffin McElroy? Sure.
47:21 Travis McElroy? Can always stand on the kids' shoulders and then wear a big trench.
47:23 Griffin McElroy? Stand on the kids. Well, it sounds like if.
47:25 Travis McElroy? You can always stand on the kids' shoulders, then wear a big trench coat, pretend to be one person, one taller person than you told you the landlord, I got taller over the summer. I got the surgery to make you taller, but I'm wearing the trench coat to cover up the scars.
47:35 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
47:36 Travis McElroy? You could, uh, now I've never seen The Odd Life of Timothy Green, but I've heard people talk about it. Say you grew him.
47:43 Griffin McElroy? Is that the one with Lin-Manuel Miranda?
47:46 Travis McElroy? Is it? I think it's Jennifer Garner in it. You grew him.
47:50 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
47:51 Travis McElroy? You planted a boy, you grew him.
47:53 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
47:54 Travis McElroy? He grew up. He's only like three days old. Uh, you got good soil. You grew a boy.
48:02 Travis McElroy? You grew him.
48:03 Griffin McElroy? Do you get charged more for a lease when you have a child living there too?
48:11 Travis McElroy? Are you, oh, maybe it's more of a social situation of it's embarrassing. You didn't introduce them and now it's gone on so long.
48:18 Travis McElroy? You didn't know where to bring it up. I think that that's, that's reasonable. And now it's like, it's weird. Yeah, I get it. I think it's fine. Trench coat. One trench coat.
48:27 Griffin McElroy? Uh, trench coat's okay. Can we, can, is there any wiggle room in the stacking order? Cause I think that putting an adult on top of the four-year-old shoulders.
48:36 Travis McElroy? Griffin, I know what you're saying, dude. I know.
48:38 Griffin McElroy? But the alternative is, I know it's a four-year-old's head and arms coming out of the huge giant body.
48:42 Travis McElroy? It's, it was almost enough to make me consign that idea to the dustmen of history and not say it.
48:48 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
48:48 Travis McElroy? Because both options, both permutations of it are illogical and bad.
48:52 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
48:53 Travis McElroy? But it had already left the gate.
48:54 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
48:55 Travis McElroy? You know what I mean? So I just had to back the horse.
48:56 Travis McElroy? Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. What about this?
48:58 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
48:58 Travis McElroy? This is my child's security guard. I've been threatened by a lot of children in the neighborhood lately and I can't get adults to beat up those children.
49:07 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
49:07 Travis McElroy? So I hired this child as a bodyguard.
49:09 Griffin McElroy? Yes.
49:10 Travis McElroy? To beat up other children for me.
49:11 Griffin McElroy? A reverse Drillbit Taylor Benjamin Button situation.
49:14 Travis McElroy? Yes. Drillbit Taylor Jr., where he licenses his son out as.
49:20 Travis McElroy? Drillbit Button.
49:21 Griffin McElroy? Where he hires kid, a kid, a strong kid to kick bully kids asses? That feels borderline criminal.
49:34 Travis McElroy? When he's like 95, he's like, he needs protection because he, and he hires a kid to protect him like a strong kid.
49:42 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, I just, I'm 95. I just started playing Fortnite. I'm getting absolutely fucking shit on. I need to hire the coolest 14 year old at the high school to be my Fortnite drill bit Taylor.
49:56 Travis McElroy? Yes.
49:57 Griffin McElroy? Yes. Make it Hollywood Fortnite. I know you guys are doing all kinds of media stuff. This is, this one's free.
50:04 Travis McElroy? This is Splash Jug Taylor.
50:06 Griffin McElroy? Yes, Splash Jug Taylor. It's not going to get any better than that.
50:10 Travis McElroy? Thank you so much for listening to our, our podcast, My Brother, My Brother and Me. It's this one, the one you're enjoying. You just enjoyed.
50:18 Travis McElroy? A couple of quick announcers before we wrap up, folks.
50:21 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
50:21 Travis McElroy? Um, Clubhouse will return January 27th at noon Eastern time. Uh, we're going to be streaming on the last Tuesday of each month from now on.
50:30 Travis McElroy? But Travis, what are we going to be doing all the other Tuesdays?
50:33 Travis McElroy? Man, I'm so glad you asked, Justin, because it was the next thing in the bullet point. That we're doing a Super McRoy Brothers video game stream, uh, next Tuesday, January 20th at noon Eastern time. Uh, it's going to stream all the other Tuesdays, plus a bunch of other video game content on our YouTube, all under the McRoy Entertainment System umbrella. So make sure you check that out. Also, we got some merch.
50:56 Travis McElroy? At McRoy Entertainment System on Instagram.
50:59 Travis McElroy? Yes, good call. Uh, we've got some merch over in the McRoy merch store. Uh, Bestie's tiebreaker coin featuring the one and only New York Giraffe. And 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to the Immigrant Defenders Law Center. Uh, so make sure you check that out at McRoyMerch.com.
51:15 Griffin McElroy? And now for the.
51:16 Travis McElroy? My name's Justin McRoy.
51:19 Travis McElroy? We gotta thank.
51:20 Griffin McElroy? Thank you, Montanez, for the theme song, My Life Is Better With You. Uh, it's, it's a fantastic track and the fact that I'm like terrified that I don't know what's going to happen next doesn't detract from the fact that I'm just a huge, uh, big fan of it.
51:33 Travis McElroy? I was thinking, so for the ending, that Griffin could give us like a little motivational speeches, the big boy, um, ask him for the heater, just to kind of establish a tone, like Griffin, like a sick Victorian child anyways.
51:47 Griffin McElroy? I was thinking I would pick something up off my desk and throw it at the wall as hard as I possibly could. And just like the sound of that.
51:55 Travis McElroy? Hey Griffin, that's, okay.
51:57 Griffin McElroy? Do you like that?
51:58 Travis McElroy? The end of every episode this year will be one of us throwing something at a wall to see if it sticks.
52:06 Griffin McElroy? I got the mic against the wall now, so this is my.
52:08 Travis McElroy? Don't throw the mic, dude.
52:09 Griffin McElroy? I'll use my lens cap. Here's my lens cap.
52:12 Travis McElroy? Make it sick.
52:12 Griffin McElroy? I won't be able to hear. I gotta take my headphones off, cause I'm gonna go around. I'm gonna go behind the desk and just absolutely, absolutely hum this fucking thing.
52:19 Travis McElroy? Okay dude.
52:19 Griffin McElroy? Absolutely buzz it.
52:20 Travis McElroy? Sick, man. Sick. This is good. This is good podcast.
52:24 Travis McElroy? I like this energy.
52:29 Travis McElroy? My name is Justin McElroy.
52:31 Travis McElroy? I'm Travis McElroy.
52:33 Travis McElroy? Yeah, that was good. I'm Travis McElroy.
52:36 Griffin McElroy? I'm Griffin McElroy.
52:37 Travis McElroy? That works so much better than I.
52:39 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
52:40 Travis McElroy? Kiss your dad's sore on the lips.
52:44 Travis McElroy? Lens cap.
52:47 Travis McElroy? This is good. This is good.
53:19 Speaker 04 Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network. Of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.
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